#at this point 'my mum is dead' is probably SUPER far down the list of potential reasons any given issue is happening

[somecunttookmyurl]

and yes everyone at the time did try and peg this as some trauma response to my my mum dying when i was 6 and therapise me out of it like. cool theory! unfortunately you see i was Like This when she was alive

the very cool not at all annoying thing about having a parental death (or i guess really any singular major traumatic event? probably?) when you're very young is that people will literally blame every problem on that for the rest of your life forever. if you had symptoms syndrome before no you didn't

[myarmsaretoolong]

so apparently i had a brainwave for a scene from my ironhusbands/bio-dad/riri fic and felt the need to write it down so uh... here i guess

very much unfinished and just a first draft but idk i think it’s a decent go

When Tony was a young boy, he still believed in family. That fate could throw together a handful of people who loved each other to the point of idiocy, and who would always have each other’s backs.

He believed in family right up until he realised Howard cared more about some long dead Super-Soldier fantasy than his own wife and son. Howard would always talk about Steve, about what he achieved and how he gave his life to save the world. Usually in the same breath in which he berated Tony for accidentally short-circuiting the lab. Nothing Tony ever did was good enough for Howard. How could it be when Steve’s legacy hung over his head?

Then there was his mum. She tried, god knows she was a saint compared to Howard. She’d watch movies with Tony, tuck in him at night, cuddle him as he held back tears after Howard’s last screaming match. But so much of her energy was spent dealing with Howard that she had little to give to Tony. It wasn’t her fault, he didn’t blame her for it, but that didn’t make up for much.

No, it was Auntie Peggy and Jarvis who really raised Tony. He’d spend his holidays from boarding school at Jarvis and Ana’s when he could get away with it. Auntie Peggy would visit when between SHIELD missions as often as she could.

But they weren’t family, they were just people. A small part of him realised that he wouldn’t let them be his family, but that was something he’d unpack later. Save it for when he inevitably got himself a therapist. Or, more likely, when Pepper and Rhodey dragged him kicking and screaming to a therapist.

Pepper and Rhodey, they were some more people. And the Parker’s, too. Just a handful more people. His people, but just people.

Fact: the closest he’d ever felt to having a family was when he’d brought Rhodey to his house for Thanksgiving. Howard was away on business, and Rhodey’s parents were on a cruise - they were going to celebrate together when they got back. So the three of them cooked together, laughing and singing along to the radio, then ate as much as they could without throwing up.

Of course, Howard showed up early the next morning. It was meant to be a surprise, but he’s seen Rhodey sleeping on Tony’s floor and flipped out. Within an hour, the pair were on a plane heading back to MIT. That was the last time Tony let Rhodey near his parents.

Another fact: this moment is probably the second closest he’s felt to having a family.

Ben and Richard’s deep laughter mixed into one sound. Rhodey tried his best to hide a smirk behind his hand, and Mary didn’t try at all to hide her eye roll.

Tony leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He didn’t like being on the outside of the joke. “Am I a chef?”

“Absolutely not,” May grinned.

Ben and Richard howled louder, leaning on each other and wiping tears from their eyes.

Tony drummed his fingers on the post-it note stuck to his forehead. “Not an actor, not a sportsman, not a chef…Are you sure I’m even famous?”

“Definitely famous.”

“Can’t be if I haven’t heard of them,” Tony muttered. He plastered a scowl across his face and folded his arms.

Ben and Richard reached the point where their laughter turned into silent gasps for air, faces turning bright red. Maybe they’d had one too many to drink, but everyone else was just as tickled by the game. Happy even cracked an all too rare smile, though quickly wiped it away.

“I think I know this person far too well,” Mary grinned, one hand resting on her belly.

That’s what brought this group of people together, one night back in February that led to an unexpected pregnancy. At first, Tony has been terrified by the prospect of being a dad, but now… well he still was terrified, but also excited. A few weeks later, Mary met Richard, then Tony met Richard, then Tony met Richard’s brother and his wife May, then finally the Parker’s met all of Tony’s friends. And the rest, as they say, was history.

Pepper quirked an eyebrow, trying hard to keep a straight face. “I think we all know this person too well.”

Tony slumped back with a sigh. “I quit, it’s a stupid game anyway.”

“We all know you just hate losing, Tones,” Rhodey smirked. He gestured for everyone to quiet down, waiting patiently until Ben and Richard got themselves under control. “Guess some people and we’ll tell you if you’re hot or cold.”

“Okay,” Tony rubbed his hands together. “Um… Gandhi?”

In a split second everyone in the room, bar Tony, cackled with uncontrollable laughter. Rhodey clutched at his stomach and doubled over, Pepper hid her face in Mary’s shoulder, Happy and May giggled away in their own corner.

“Cold, cold,” Rhodey managed eventually. “Like Arctic cold.” His comment only sent another wave of laughter around the room.

“That’s it.” Tony ripped the post-it from his head and turned it over, reading the two words that adorned it. TONY STARK. “Oh for the love of- Really?”

Rhodey threw his head back. Come to think of it, that handwriting was definitely his.

“That’s right, Platypus, laugh it up. I can take it.” He screwed the paper into a little ball and threw it across the room, then sagged back into the sofa, defeated. Soon, though, the sound of his own voice joined in with the laughter. “I suppose it is a little funny, in a sadistic kind of way.”

The laughter stopped as abruptly as it started when Mary let out a little gasp of pain. All eyes in the room went to her.

“Just a kick,” she waved away their worry. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

Richard quickly sobered up. “I think we’ve got a footballer on our hands,” he said with a goofy grin. Tony would have said it was sappy if he didn’t have a matching one of his own.

Though his baby was biologically Tony’s, Richard was just as much it’s father. The three of them had sat down and discussed how their co-parenting arrangement would work. Ironing out the details as the months wore on. Neither wanted the other to be cut off of the baby’s life, and they all got along plenty well enough for the unconventional parenting setup to be a problem.

Tony was glad for Richard’s input. He didn’t know how to be a father, had hardly had one himself. He had a whole list of what not to do, but the rest was a mystery to him. Which is exactly where Richard stepped in, helped fill the blanks and make difficult decisions - like what colour was best to paint the nursery and which buggy is the safest.

um yeah, that’s what ive got. this is partly just proof im still working on this, and partly me trying to get over my recent writers block on the aladdin au

let me know what you think?

[thelivebookproject]

Talking Books With @words-and-pages!

[What is this and how can I participate?]

Hallo!

I’m back again to discuss memories, heart-touching books, and death of the author. Enjoy!

Important note: I haven’t changed or edited any of the answers. I’ve only formatted the book titles so they were clearer, but nothing else. Because I’m incapable of shutting up, my comments are between brackets and in italics, so you can distinguish them clearly.

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[Image description: a square titled “Know the blogger”. Name & pronouns: Isla, she/her; country: United Kingdom; three adjectives to describe her: Ambitious, optimistic, creative... To a fault. /end]

1. What is the first book-related feeling/memory you have?

God, I remember being really young and having this desperate want to read because it was something that grownups did. I remember sitting down with books like One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish and painstakingly sounding out each word with my mum. And then I’d get frustrated because I didn’t want to learn to read, I just wanted to read. 

I used to get books down from the shelves in our house and just stare at the pages of words, not even trying to read, just enjoying the act of sitting there with a book. When I finally got to the point that I could read by myself nothing could stop me, no book was safe.

[This is the most relatable and precious thing I’ve encountered in the interviews so far!]

2. Last book that touched your heart?

It’s actually my current read, The Journals of Sylvia Plath. One of my favourite parts of reading is when an author describes a feeling that you have no words for, and the wonderful moment of knowing that it’s not just you feeling it. 

I feel that Sylvia and I must operate on the same wavelength because every single page has me stopping and underlining passages and mentally screaming ‘I feel that too!’ I find myself wanting to hug the book half the time.

["Current" as of the day of the interview, August 12]

3. Do you read books for children?

Yes and no. I absolutely adore children's picture books. If I ever get a spare moment at work you can probably find me over in the picture book section flipping through the latest titles. There's a brilliant sense of (surprisingly adult) humour that you find in picture books that always makes me laugh.

But I really don't read enough proper children's fiction. I always have a TBR list a mile long, and unfortunately kids books never really win out over the adult/YA books I want to read.

4. Thoughts on "death of the author"?

It's a tricky one. I think that once a book gains a big enough following its story does evolve into something bigger than the author. Take Harry Potter for an example (for obvious reasons). I think a lot of what fans love about Harry Potter –the aesthetics, the characters, the messages– all comes from the fans themselves. My perception of the series has been made far better by headcanons and fan-interpretations of the characters and plot. I think Harry Potter stands for so much more than JKR's books at this point, and so it's very easy to separate the two. The sheer volume of Fan Fiction alone has probably re-written the series 100 times over.

I think it's up to each individual to make decisions based on their personal feelings on the author though. Buying a Lovecraft book isn't going to effect anything politically. Yes, the man was a seething racist, but he's also dead, and so you're not supporting him by buying his books. When it comes to authors who are still around and kicking, I think simple changes like buying second hand, and buying unofficial merchandise is the way to go. You can still enjoy the content, and your own interpretation of it, without putting money in the pocket of someone who you disagree with. 

[This is a tricky one, indeed. I agree with you in part, but I also think that someone’s views also influence their works, so um. I guess it depends on what you’re reading and your personal tolerance?

There was actually a super good post about JKR and death of the author going around that now I can’t find anywhere and I’m so annoyed because I wanted to link it!]

5. Is there any publishing house you especially like or you don't even notice these things? 

I work in a bookshop, so I kind of have to take notice of publishers (give me a popular book and I can probably tell you the main UK distributor off the top of my head. A sad and pointless talent.)  Orion and Titan have got to be my top two publishers. I think probably 75% of my favourite books come from them. So I'm always keeping an eye on their new releases. 

Free space to say/add/recommend anything!

I'd like to use my free space to shamelessly plug my instagram and to remind people that my ask is always open if they'd like book recs! My speciality is adult fantasy and SF but I will literally read anything, so I'm fairly good at other genres too. 

Also, everyone should be reading the Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin. Fantastic books that don't get enough love among SFF fans.

You can follow her at @words-and-pages​, on her Instagram, and on Goodreads.

------------------------------------------

Thank you, Isla! This was a super interesting chat.

Next interview: Wednesday, 14th of October

[purplesurveys]

1185

survey by xflirtykaosx

Alphabetti Spaghetti (3/3)

Please believe. - P

How many pages did the last book you read have? I don’t even remember the last time I opened it; but if I have to guess, it’s probably anywhere between 600–800 pages.

What do you like on your pancakes? Soaked in butter, with peanut butter and maple syrup on the side. My dad will also sometimes mix bacon into the batter, and it always turns out delicious.

Do you like small parties or large parties more? I love going to any kind of party, but I like large ones just a little bit more just because it’s easier to blend in and go unnoticed for the most part. I usually feel pressured at smaller parties.

What was the last exam you passed in? I have no idea. Maybe a history exam? I remember taking a Rizal exam right before the pandemic started and I never got the results for that since classes were canceled shortly after. I’ll never know if I actually passed that test haha.

Do you think paw prints are cute? Yesssssss.

How much would you pay a neighbour to do your lawn? We have someone in the village who does that, and my mom usually gives him a tip of I would guess around ₱100.

Ordinary pens, scented pens, gel pens or felt tip pens? Ordinary. The other ones write horribly.

Are you a people person? I’ve grown to be one over the years. I do like my alone time, but I have the most fun with a person or two or ten around me.

Do you put pepper on your scrambled eggs? No. I never use pepper myself, actually.

Who, except yourself, has the nicest pet? Angela’s, at least one of her dogs are. Hailey is super nice and she doesn’t really care what you do with her hahahaha.

What's your favourite piece of clothing? Right now, probably my IVP sneakers since they’re my newest purchase. Other than that, my mom jeans are always super reliable.

What place have you gone to that you never would again? Police stations that I had to visit to cover stories for my journalism classes. Maybe it’s other people’s passion – and I thought it was mine at one point, too – but once I found myself in places like that I slowly realized that I didn’t have the fire for journalism I once thought I had.

What do others seem to have plenty of and you have little or none? Nice photos of themselves. I’m very camera shy.

Is pink a nice colour, an okay colour or icky? I personally love pink, so.

Give me a description of a great film plotline? ...I don’t feel like it :(( I also haven’t watched/rewatched any films in a while, so my memory is a bit rusty.

What do you have in your pockets? Nothing I’m wearing right now has pockets.

Do you listen to podcasts? Not really. I’m part of the minority that finds podcasts a little boring.

Have you ever played Poker? I’d guess I’ve tried playing it one or two times, but I’ve never understood the rules and I probably just did some random moves when I did try it.

Do you have a pond in your garden? No.

How about a swimming pool? We don’t.

Do you like Poptarts? I loooooove Pop Tarts and I wish we had more flavors here :( and that they weren’t so expensive.

Do you write notes on post-it notes? Sometimes; but lately I’ve mostly just been making to-do lists on my laptop. Writing takes too much time considering how hectic my job is.

Quiet darling, shh. - Q

Do you ever use the word quaint? Very rarely. I never really get into situations where that word would be most fitting to use.

Do you know what quantum physics is? I know of the term from watching The Big Bang Theory, but I don’t know what it refers to.

Are you a quiet or loud person? Depends on the people I’m with, my general mood, and my level of comfort.

Do you usually ask a lot of questions? I never do. I feel like that’s a weakness of mine, too. My mind never wanders too far, and I’m only able to recognize good questions when someone else raises them.

What's your favourite quote from a film? “Rome. By all means, Rome.”

Favourite quote from a song? “Now I’m told this is life, and pain is just a simple compromise so we can get what we want out of it.”

Are you quick witted? In what aspect? Not always; but yeah, I guess it comes out sometimes. I’m pretty good at witty or funny comebacks, especially with people I’m comfortable with.

Do you find the word queer offensive? Er, no?

Roses are Red and Romance is dead. - R

Do you listen to the radio often? I used to, since I once drove to school everyday and I liked having the radio on - especially in the morning, since there was a morning program I was hooked to. But now that I’m at home 24/7, I don’t really tune in anymore; I don’t even have the slightest clue what songs are trending rn.

Do you prefer rain or snow? We only get rain, so.

Have you ever ran into someone and injured you or them due to it? Fortunately no, for both circumstances.

Do you listen to rap music? K-Pop groups always have their own rap sub-unit, so yeah I’ve definitely been more exposed to rap these days.

Do you find pet rats gross or nice? Why? I guess it’s cute when they’re pets, since I’m sure they’re harmless. Not so much when they’re big black filthy rats that are house pests and probably carrying a lot of diseases.

Have you ever been to a rave? No. I’d love to experience it once.

Are you somewhat of a rebel? Nah.

How about reckless? Now this hits the spot more, especially when it comes to money lol

Do you prefer red, black or purple dresses? Black, then red, then purple. I don’t wear a lot of the latter to begin with.

Do you know how to reload a gun? I don’t; I’ve never even held a real gun before.

Do you remember your first best friends Mum's name? I don’t think I ever met her mom. Our friendship was super short-lived and didn’t go beyond preschool.

Do you have a good or a bad reputation? Idk, you’d have to ask other people for this I think.

What song do you request most often on the radio? I’ve never requested a song to radio stations.

Do you prefer rice or tofu? I need rice for literally every meal, otherwise it won’t feel filling. I like tofu too, but I only have it occasionally when it comes with some dishes.

Have you ever held a rifle? Nope.

Do you know a Robert? What's he like? I have an uncle-in-law named Robert. He’s very nice, and super intelligent; he’s from New Zealand but currently lives with my aunt and their family in Vietnam. Since he’s from a different country, he has lots of fun stories and different perspectives to share at family reunions, which makes me always want to sit at whichever table he’s at so that I can be part of interesting conversations.

Do you like rollercoasters? No.

Been to Rome, Italy? Nope.

Are Roses your favourite flower? They’re one of them.

So sweetheart, lets fan. - S

Do you feel safe in your neighbourhood? Yeah, I mean that’s kind of the whole point in living in a gated village. I’d be pretty alarmed if I ever hear of a crime happening here.

Whose the Patron Saint of your Country? St. Lorenzo Ruiz. I actually didn’t know that for a fact, so thanks for the Google search and impromptu lesson!

Do you put salt on your fries? Yessssssss, I need my fries to be very salty. Unless it was already seasoned with something else, I’d find it boring if it wasn’t salty enough.

Do you think we are all born the same? In some ways, yes; in some ways, no. I know everyone is born as humans worthy of love and respect, but when it comes to factors like privilege then that’s when circumstances start to get all different.

When did you stop believing in Santa? I never bought it. I used to always get frustrated that I was never allowed to meet Santa (none of my relatives ever played as him), and that he apparently just likes to leave gifts at midnight. Not seeing a Santa made me doubt and eventually I just kinda stopped buying it by the time I was like 5.

Do you think the name Sarah is pretty? Erm, it’s fine but I find it a little common.

Is Saturday your favourite day of the week? Fridays are, but Saturdays are a very close second.

Have you ever watched Saved By The Bell? Opinions? Nope.

What about the Saw films? Opinion? I haven’t, but I know they’re my eldest cousin’s favorite so it must be a good series.

Are you easily scared? In certain ways. I hate jumpscares for one, and I easily get offended by them.

What's your secondary language, if any? English.

Name all the things you can see from where you're sitting? The entirety of my bedroom.

What's the last sentence you spoke out loud? “JAY KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY”

Have you changed your default settings on your computer? Some of them just to change some aspects of the appearance, but I didn’t do a complete overhaul.

What year did you turn seven in? 2005.

How important is sex in a relationship how important is sex from 1-10? For me, probably like a 3 or 4.

What is your favourite shade of blue? Sky or royal.

Shade of Purple? BTS purple, I guess? Hahaha.

Favourite shape? I don’t have one.

Do you know a girl called Sharon? Nope.

How about Shari? Nope.

Do you shave your arms, legs, pubic hair and/or somewhere else? I shave, but not all of these areas.

When was the last time you were sick? May 2020 was the last time I felt like death.

What's the worst side effects you've had due to a medication? I’ve never gone through side effects from a medication.

What does your signature look like? A very lazy scribble of the first and last letters of my whole name.

Do you like silk? What do you own that is silk? It’s okay, but I never actively search for it. I have one set of silk pajamas but that’s it.

Do you sip or drink hot drinks fast? As much as possible I don’t like getting in contact with hot beverages. I wait for them to cool down considerably before I take my first sip.

How about with alcohol? Sure, I like to take them fast so that I don’t feel the nasty burn on my tongue.

Do you have sisters? How many, what ages and what're they called? Nina is turning 21 this year.

Is your grandmother older than sixty five? Both of them are, yeah.

Do you slam doors often? Nope.

Have you ever slapped someone in the face? For what reason? Yes. Because he had slapped me first. I was in so much shock that my first and only instinct was to hit back.

Do you snack a lot or just eat big meals? I like letting myself go hungry then reward myself with a very generous serving to eat in one go.

Do you smile more often, or frown? Smile.

Are you wearing socks? No, I haven’t worn any in a while.

Do you say sorry too often? Yes.

What's a sound that always soothes you? This. I always play it before turning in, or when I need to calm down.

Do you carry a lot of spare change? How much is on you now? Not so much anymore, since I’ve been increasingly going cashless.

Do you own a swimsuit of the Speedo brand? I don’t think so.

Do you like sunflowers? They have a personal meaning to me, so yes. It’s not my ultra favorite, though.

[les-mis-still-makes-me-cry]

Lily Evans Definitely Has a Boyfriend Chapter 3

FINALLY I get to write dialogue for my fave couple! Chap 1 Chap 2

Lily’s mouth hung open. She struggled to say anything but it felt like someone had put a silencing charm on her and she couldn’t make a sound. She just couldn’t stop looking at the visitor who had appeared on her doorstep and was currently grinning at her state of shock.

“Cat got your tongue? Or have I just taken your breath away?” he pretended to muse, reaching up again to mess with his hair. His words shook Lily out of her state of shock, quickly turning it into anger.

“What do you think you’re playing at, Potter,” she hissed, prodding him backwards so she could close the front door behind her. She didn’t want Petunia catching wind of this conversation, although Lily doubted she’d even be awake for a while. Petunia insisted on getting her beauty sleep.

“You requested one fake boyfriend, and here I am.” He seemed unabashed by her tone. Probably the months of practise in school ignoring Lily’s disgust for him.

“On Saturday! Four days away from now!” she said slowly, as if talking to a toddler.

“Well I figured we could use a planning meeting, you know, to work out our backstory!” he protested.

“We could have planned via owl! Without you actually coming to my house!”

“Come on Lily, you know this is a better plan. And if your sister meets me more than once, she’ll be way more likely to believe it.”

He made a good point. Lily frowned, considering her options.

One, she tells Potter to get lost right now and the plan is cancelled. That wouldn’t help Lily at all, no matter how satisfying it would feel.

Two, she tells him to get lost and come back on Saturday. Also not helpful. He would probably back out just to piss her off, and even if he didn’t, he was right. Just sending a few letters wasn’t enough to build up the pretence of a relationship.

Three, she goes along with him until they had worked out the backstory, and introduced him to Petunia, THEN she tells him to get lost until Saturday. Loath as she was to put up with his nonsense before she had even had a cup of tea, she knew this was the best she would get.

“Fine, let’s talk,” she closed the front door fully and began to walk down the pavement.

“Uh, Lily, you don’t have shoes on,” he said, hesitating by the house as she continued to stomp away.

“Shoes aren’t the priority right now. Let’s go, we can’t risk my sister overhearing,” she commanded. James shrugged off his confusion and ran up to catch her.

“Your wish is my command, darling,” he smiled, slinging an arm over her shoulder only to be immediately shrugged off.

“Absolutely none of that or this whole thing is cancelled,” she snapped, giving him a dirty look.

“Oh come on Lily, you can’t expect your sister to believe we’re going out if you won’t even give me a hug,” he laughed.

“Well she’s not here right now, is she? Honestly Potter, you would think-”

“And it’s not very affectionate to just call me by my surname you know!” James cut her off. “I was thinking more on the lines of babe, darling, sexy-” Lily came to a sudden stop and crossed her arms before he could finish his list.

“Look, you’re clearly just here to take the piss so why don’t you just go back home right now and leave me to have my summer in peace,” she said sharply.

James stopped too. “Aw come on Lily, you know how ridiculous this whole situation is, I’m just trying to have a bit of fun.”

“Well it’s not fun for me!” Lily almost yelled. “It’s my sister, and my family, and you’re just here to try to- oh just forget it, this was a stupid idea anyway.” Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes and she turned to head back inside. She hadn’t taken two steps before a warm hand grabbed her shoulder, and she felt his presence close behind her.

“Lily, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make fun of you, honestly,” he said, his voice low and soft. “I genuinely just want to help you, that’s why I’m here. I promise I’m not trying it on with you. God knows you would hex my balls off before I got anywhere near.”

Lily coughed to cover up her laughter, eyes firmly fixed on the pavement.

“Do you still want to go take a walk and talk things over? If I promise to not be a git?” James asked hopefully.

She looked up at him. His hazel eyes looked very sincere, and his hand dropped from her arm respectfully as soon as she turned back. She didn’t think she had ever heard him apologise before, not for any of his outlandish pranks, not for any of his hexes on Snape, and especially not for any of the times he had asked her out. Apologising was a new side of James Potter to Lily, just as forgiving him would be a new thing for her.

Truthfully, she didn’t even really know why she had got so angry. A couple of cheeky jokes on his part, her early morning bad mood, plus the general habit of getting pissed off at the sight of him just led to a volatile mix. But, Lily thought, no time like the present to try to change.

“Okay,” she whispered. She looked down, unable to hold his eye contact any longer. “I’m sorry too, I guess I’m just really stressed about the whole thing. Can’t say I’ve ever faked a relationship before.”

“Perfectly understandable, although I’d recommend not yelling at me during the dinner if you’re aiming for believability,” he nudged her gently. They started to walk back down the street again, James looking around with interest at the Muggle suburbia surrounding them.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a Muggle village before,” he noted, staring intently at mundane things like TV aerials and doorbells. Lily begrudgingly smiled again at his enthusiasm, before a realisation hit her.

“Hang on, how did you even get here? I never said where I live!” she asked curiously.

James looked a bit sheepish. “Ah, well, you see, I was a bit excited when I got your letter, I thought it was best to start preparations as soon as possible, and I didn’t want to wait for your owl to go all the way back to you, and-”

“Remus told you, didn’t he,” she deduced, rolling her eyes. “That snake.”

“It wasn’t his fault Lily, I didn’t give him much choice. I said I was apparating whether he told me where to go or not, and if I splinched myself horribly I was holding him entirely responsible,” James confessed.

“You’re a horrible friend to that boy,” Lily tutted.

James clapped a hand to his chest, gasping. “How dare you! I’ll have you know I was the picture of innocence before that demon Lupin came along and dragged me down the path to iniquity.”

Lily snorted. “And Dumbledore’s beard’s a wig.”

“I always said there was something not quite right about it, no beard should be that shiny and luscious.”

Lily started to laugh properly. Despite James’ irritating tendencies, he wasn’t half bad company. They were both still giggling as they reached a park at the end of Lily’s street. It had clearly seen better days, with no kids taking advantage of the nice weather to play outside. There was a roundabout covered in graffiti, a couple of sad swings with uneven chains, and a seesaw that looked as if one good push would knock it over completely. The pair decided that the swings looked the least hazardous, and sat down.

“Shall we get down to business?” James suggested, pushing himself gently back and forth.

“Yes, right,” Lily said. “Well, basically I… I mean I was thinking…” Lily’s mind had gone totally blank. How were they going to pull this off? Where did they even start?

“You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you,” James grinned.

“Shut up, Potter,” Lily rolled her eyes.

“Alright, rule one, call me James,” he said, still grinning. “We can save the pet names till we know each other better.”

“Or maybe we just won’t be that kind of couple,” Lily said quickly. “Rule two no… funny business from you.” She hoped James would pick up what she meant.

“Define funny business.” James’ eyes twinkled at her. He definitely knew what she meant.

“Potter,” she threatened.

“Alright, alright, no ‘funny business’,” he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively. “Although you do realise there will have to be some sort of physical contact at some point.”

“I know that, just not… you know…” Lily blushed.

“No ravishing you in front of the family?” said James.

“If that’s how you want to put it,”

“I could be more specific if you like.”

“I think we can move on, Pot-” she stopped dead as he coughed loudly. “What are you- oh, James, then.”

“There you go!” he encouraged. “Step one achieved.”

“I thought it was rule one?”

“What’s twenty-nine knuts to a sickle, Lily, you’re nit-picking.”

“Fine, new topic. What’s our backstory?”

“How much have you told your sister already?” Potter asked.

“Nothing, she doesn’t even know your name yet.”

James pretended to look offended. “You mean you haven’t been boasting about me all evening? I expected to pretend to be the youngest ever Minister for Magic or something.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “In your dreams. I did tell my mum that we got together during our sixth-year exams, but that’s about all I’ve said so far.”

“And I’m assuming you’re ruling out any scenarios where I save you from a burning classroom, sweep you off your feet and fly us away on my broomstick?”

“You would be correct.”

“My talents are wasted here.”

“How about something a little more realistic, like we studied together a couple of times and just… started going out?” Lily trailed off feebly. James didn’t look impressed.

“Sounds super romantic.”

“At least mine sounds plausible!”

“Lily the only thing more boring than your idea of romance is History of Magic.”

“Well, then, what do you suggest?”

James looked thoughtful for a moment, stopping his swinging entirely. “How about I asked you to Hogsmeade for the last trip of the year. You said yes because I hadn’t pissed you off in a good few months, and you were bored anyway so why not take a chance, right? We ended up talking in the Three Broomsticks the whole afternoon, finding out we really had a lot in common when we weren’t hexing each other. After that, we wound up spending more and more time together. We would go and fly around the Quidditch pitch between exams, to keep our minds off things. You stole my broom whenever I would let you, which would be all the time because I couldn’t say no to you, and to be fair it is a pretty fantastic model. Finally I worked up all my Gryffindor courage just before we sat our last exam, and asked you to go out with me proper. And you said yes, of course,” he clarified.

Lily was once again left speechless. It all just sounded… perfect. She could almost believe that it had actually happened, he said it with such care and tenderness. She could see them on their first date, butterbeer in hand, cracking jokes with each other like they’d been doing for the past few minutes. Maybe his hand would have edged towards hers on the table. Maybe she would have taken it.

“Sorry, that was probably too much backstory, we should simplify,” James misinterpreted her silence, furrowing his brow.

“No, no, that was… amazing, really believable,” Lily replied, shaking herself back into reality. She cleared her throat awkwardly. “We should definitely go with that.”

“You sure? You seemed a bit… unenthusiastic,” said James, hand ruffling his hair.

“No, really, I was just processing it, that’s all. You’ve got a great imagination,” she said.

“Just had a lot of time to think about it, that’s all.” A note of sadness tinged his voice and he couldn’t quite meet her eye. Lily pretended she didn’t understand what he was referring to.

“Did I really leave you out on my doorstep that long?” she joked. James thankfully took the bait, a small smile returning to his face.

“Sounds about right. You’re a rubbish owl owner, I was hooting at you for ages,” he admonished.

“Well Scarlett always comes to my bedroom window, not the front door! And how do you make that noise, anyway?” Lily asked.

“It’s easy, you just put your hands together like this-” his hands closed around each other “and blow into it.” He put his mouth to his thumbs, and a low hoot came out. Lily tried to copy him, but all she heard was air rushing through her fingers. She tried again and again, not getting anywhere close.

“Just takes a bit of practise, you’ll get there,” he encouraged, laughing as her face got increasingly red from her efforts.

Lily gave up with a frustrated sigh, getting up from the swing.

“I’ll get it some other time. Shall we head back?”

“You- you want me to meet your family right now?” James questioned nervously.

“Wasn’t that the whole idea of you coming over this early? Getting cold feet already, are you?” Lily teased.

“I think you’re the one with cold feet here, Miss Lily ‘I don’t need shoes’ Evans,” James answered, leaping off his swing. “Here, these things are great, wish I’d had one when I was younger.”

“I used to come here all the time before I came to Hogwarts,” said Lily. “I would jump off right at the top, and…” She paused, her face growing sad. James looked at her curiously.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing, it was just… here, when I jumped off the swing, that was when I met Snape,” Lily eventually finished.

“Ah,” said James awkwardly.

Lily was grateful when he didn’t say more. She didn’t like discussing her old friend at the best of times, and discussing him with the boy who was his worst enemy was even less appealing. They set off back down the street in silence, watching people starting to rush to work. Lily couldn’t believe it was still so early, she felt like she’d spent a whole day with James already.

“So, before I meet them, what should your fake boyfriend know about your family?” James asked, breaking their silence.

“Well, my sister’s called Petunia, and she’s marrying a man called Vernon Dursley,” Lily began.

“That’s a… distinguished name,” James said tactfully.

“I don’t like him much, you don’t need to pretend,” she said.

“He sounds like a git,” James replied.

“He is a git. But they’re happy, at least. They’re getting married in December,” Lily continued. “That’s why Petunia’s home at the minute, she’s planning the wedding with my mum.”

“And hopefully after Saturday, you as well?”

“That’s the plan,” said Lily grimly.

“What’s your mum’s name? Do I need to win her over as well?” he smirked down at Lily, who glared back.

“No flirting with my mum, Potter,” she growled.

“I’m here to flirt with you, Evans, don’t worry,” he said, winking at her. “Joking, joking!” he added when she glared at him.

“Thin ice, Pot- James,” said Lily.

“Alright last question, will your dad be interrogating me at any point about my intentions toward his daughter?” said James.

Lily tried her best to keep her features neutral. “He’s… he died when we were in fourth year.”

James looked intensely uncomfortable, dropping the cocky attitude. “Merlin, Lily, I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“It’s fine, don’t worry, you didn’t know,” she said abruptly. “Shall we do this then? Feeling prepared?” They had reached her front door once more, and she looked up at him. She didn’t trust him not to do something absurd, nor did she feel anywhere near prepared enough, but it was now or never.

He smiled back at her. “You know me, I’m ready for anything. Now, can I hold your hand, fake girlfriend?” He offered her his hand, looking steady and confident. After a split-second’s hesitation, she took it.

“I suppose so, fake boyfriend,” she sighed. He intertwined their fingers, making it look as natural as if they did this every day.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door, and led James into her house.

***

Thanks guys! Catch future chapters via FFN and AO3

[buckyownsmyheart]

Sorry To Drop In [1/ 2]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 3k+

Summary: When a handsome super-soldier comes bleeding into your kitchen, you cope by not coping at all.

Warnings: Swearing, injuries and one charming Bucko

A/N: This is for @babylevines 4k challenge! Congrats! I’m super thrilled to be a part of it. My prompt was “Where are my pants?”

A loud crash downstairs made you start in your bed. These were the times when you hated living alone, when there was a definite being in your house other than you, and no one else could deal with it, apart from you. The last time this happened, you lay in bed for a few minutes, paralysed with fear. You had decided it was easier to let the burglar take all your stuff, or the murderer to, well, murder you. The noise ended up being the neighbour’s cat, but that was beside the point. 

You sat up in bed and glanced at the clock, 02:42. You had only finished your shift at the hospital at 1, giving you a measly hour or so of sleep, but as a nurse, your body had become accustomed to that. Another bang downstairs pulled you out of your daydream, and you edged out of bed grabbing the baseball bat you now kept in your room. 

You held your weapon up high as you stepped tentatively down the stairs. The first thing you saw when you rounded the corner into the kitchen was blood. A lot of it. Oh god, someone’s been murdered in your house, and your alibi is no where near strong enough for the police to believe it wasn't you. Dropping your bat, you ventured further into the room, avoiding the pots that had been scattered on the floor. You followed the blood and ended up in your sitting room, where you found a tall, dark figure, bleeding profusely onto your sofa. You squeaked in horror and rushed over to him, where he looked up at you in awe.

“Well I’ll be damned, it’s a motherfucking angel.” He murmured, before his head slumped back down onto his chest. 

You switched into nurse mode, flicking on the lights, and putting on some gloves. You grabbed your extensive first-aid kit that you were possibly a little too proud of and ran to his side. You did a quick assessment of his injuries. His breathing was a good sign, no murder charges on the horizon yet, but there was a lot of blood was stemming from his leg. You sliced open his trousers, throwing them across the room where you would deal with them later, and applied a tourniquet to try and ease the flow. His pulse was fainter than you’d like it to be, and his face looked pale. You tried to remove as much of his clothing as possible to see if he had any other injuries, but he was wearing so many layers! Who needs this many! It’s the middle of summer and this man has gone and worn 3 layers. He must really hate the cold. 

After you made sure his leg was the only emergency injury (he had so many other injuries that you needed to categorise them), you began to stitch it together, trying to conjure your inner plastic surgeon. After you finished the superficial sutures, you tried to wipe the excess blood off his leg and placed a large gauze over it. You didn’t have a car, so you would have to take him to hospital tomorrow, but you thought his condition wasn’t critical enough to warrant an ambulance. You did have some faith in your medical skills. To try and make this stranger comfortable, you placed a blanket over him, and sat down on the floor next to the sofa with your hand on his wrist so you could take his pulse. 

If you had been more awake, you would have spiralled into a million what if questions. What if he’s the murderer? And his victim stabbed him in retaliation? What if this was a ploy to steal your TV? What if he was escaping from the F.B.I., and you were now on the ‘Top 10 Most Wanted’ list? However, what you did was fall asleep, with your head resting on the sofa next to Mr. Murderer’s hip, and your hand hanging on loosely to his fingers. That was a problem for future you to think about.

-

Your body was complaining as you stirred awake, your muscles ached, and your bones cracked as you tried to move. “You know, usually when I wake up next to a dame, I at least know one of where I am, who they are or how I got there, but you, sweetheart, are a bit of a mystery.” A voice from above you spoke, jolting you fully awake.

You leapt away from the sofa, scrambling to find words to form a coherent sentence, but before you could make a noise that was vaguely human, he spoke again, “I do, however, have a more pressing question.” He paused, lifting up the blanket slightly and gesturing underneath it, “Where are my pants?”

You still weren’t feeling too confident in your voice box, so you pointed to the armchair that had the now unwearable trousers draped over them. The handsome, and charming, man looked over at them and back at you, and chuckled slightly. You were trying very hard not to find his smile attractive or the way that his eyes clearly spelled out mischief endearing. You would not crush on Mr. Murderer. That was too far, even for you. 

“Please don’t murder me?” You said tentatively, unsure of how else to put it. 

“That would be a bit ungrateful of me, you did put me back together.” You couldn’t really think of anything else to say, so you just nodded, heading slowly in the direction of the door, “Um... Do you want tea? Coffee? Water? I think I’ve got some biscuits…” You trailed off as you entered the safety of your kitchen. 

You slid into a chair and placed your head in your hands. Good going. Only you would get yourself in a position like this one. Who needs a boyfriend when you can patch up mysteriously attractive men in your living room? You yelped as his deep voice spoke from the doorway, but you interrupted him before he could say anything.

“What the fuck are you doing standing? You should be lying on the sofa! Trying to recover from severe blood loss! You nearly died!” You pushed him by the shoulders, ushering him back towards the couch until he was safely sitting back down. Then very aware of your hands on his shoulders, you patted them a couple of times before taking two large steps back, and looking around the room, not at his now very amused face.

“Sorry, doll,” he grinned, “Do you have a phone I could borrow? Then I can get out of your hair.”

“Yeah, uh, let me just-…” You didn’t bother finishing your sentence and scampered out of the door to grab your landline. After a few steadying breaths, you went back in with a smile, trying to appear grace and beauty, and not a flustered scrambling mess. You handed him the phone, and then tried hard to slowly walk away and give him some privacy. 

What were you doing! You had no idea who this man was, yet you were giving him everything he asked for. You decided to put the kettle on, because tea fixes everything and that’s a fact. You made him a coffee, because any man that looks like that is going to be a coffee drinker, probably black and bitter like his soul. Not that you had given hot beverages to murderers often.

As you walked back into the room carrying both mugs, the man was saying, “Yeah, I chased him, he got a few nicks in, but we’re going to need a clean up down the second path on the right.” You froze. Oh my god, he was a murderer! And the guy he was calling was going to dispose of the body. Did that make you an accessory? He was using your phone after all. His voice cut through your spiral. “Hey, would you mind speaking to my friend, he wants to thank you.” As much as you didn’t want to be involved, you felt a little rude saying no, so you handed him his coffee in exchange for the phone.

“Hi,” you squeaked, yeah that’s good, real strong don’t-fuck-with-me vibes sounding like Mickey fucking Mouse. 

“Hi Ma’am, this is Sam Wilson.” A wave of realisation hit you. Captain America. You weren’t going to die! Better than that, you had helped Captain America! Your mum was going to be so happy, she crushed on the Captain way too hard. You looked back over to Mr. Not A Murderer as he was reaching for the sugar to put in his coffee. 

You were vaguely registering the thanks Sam was giving you, but you could only look at the face of the man on your couch, trying to process that you had patched up the Bucky Barnes. You didn’t know how you didn’t recognise him before. He had had a haircut since the picture you had seen had been taken, but the piercing blue eyes, combat jacket, and now you’re looking for it, the metal arm should have been a slight giveaway. It’s amazing what panic can do to people. You suddenly realised that 1) You were still staring at him in a creepy way, and 2) The Captain America was still talking in your ear and you hadn’t been listening to him. You snapped back into focus.

“I don’t know if you know, but we’ve had some recent major changes to the team and administration are still tying up loose ends,” he was saying. Of course, the blip and its aftermath, you knew it all too well. “So I’m afraid he can’t leave quite yet. If he causes you any problems, call me back on this number and we’ll try and send someone to deal with it.” 

You nodded, before realising that this was a phone call and he couldn’t see you. You gave a quick and small, “Yeah, sure, see you in a bit,” before hearing the click of the line going dead. You turned back to Bucky sitting innocently on your couch, as he stirred the sugars into his coffee and smiled up at you expectantly. “So, you, uh...” You started, trying to organise your mouth and arrange for words to come out, “You’re an Avenger.” You kept nodding, trying to lighten the mood as if it was a daily occurrence to have someone casually bleed out onto your sofa. And then that person turn out to be an Avenger, one of the worlds greatest heroes.

“Yeah, I am… Look I’m really sorry about the couch, can I do anything to pay you back? I don’t have any money on me at the moment, but I'm sure I can find something.”

You cut him off, trying not to laugh, “That sounds suspiciously like the beginning of a porno.”

His eyes went wide, and a laugh escaped him, “I would offer that, but I would most definitely have some repercussions from HR. They’re not too keen on mild prostitution.”

At this you joined his laughter. Now you knew that your life was safe, the adrenaline had left your body and you felt less flustered at the whole prospect of him being there. You knew that he was inherently a good person, and it had been ridiculous of you to think you would hurt him.

“You could help me clean up a little if you’re going to be here a while, I’ve got a shift starting this afternoon,” You offered.

“Where do you work?”

“At the hospital, I’m a nurse there. Speaking of, do you need to go? I don’t really know how super-soldiers’ function, but my sutures are probably a bit haphazard… Oh my god, wait, you still don’t have pants on, wait a sec.” You hurried out of the room once more and dashed to your room, grabbing a pair of large sweatpants and a t-shirt you hoped would fit him. You hopped back down, holding them out to him with a smile.

“You sure your boyfriend won’t mind me borrowing his clothes?”

You gave a slight chuckle, he was smooth. “No boyfriend I’m afraid, just a weirdo who loves getting clothes from charity shops in the wrong size.”

“In that case, I thank the weirdo for her service.” He took the pile, and grabbed onto your hand, making you look up at him and meet his eye, “I mean it, doll, thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me. You saved my life when you clearly had no idea who I am, and I’m really grateful.”

You smiled at your shoes, not being able to hold his intense gaze for much longer, “If I’m honest, I only did it so I wouldn’t face a murder charge. It was purely because of selfish reasons.” You turned around to give him some privacy, and walked back into the kitchen. When you went through the threshold, you sighed and stared intently at the blood smear on the floor. It was going to take a bit of cleaning to get out. You hoped you weren’t going to have to get someone in, that would take a bit of explaining. 

When you turned around again, Bucky stood in the doorway. Your grey sweatpants hung low on hips, and the t-shirt hugging him, maybe a little too tightly. Oops. He eyed up your kitchen floor, “Wow, I really went to town on bleeding all over your floor, huh? Where’s the cleaning stuff?”

You laughed again, finding it was becoming a common occurrence with Bucky around. “Yeah, you sure left your mark,” you laughed rummaging around in a cupboard and handing him a mop and some bleach. You decidedly ignored the heat that remained where his hand grazed yours. It had been way too long since you last got laid. 

“I don’t want to be rude, but you’ve got a little, uh, blood, just, um…” He gestured to your entire body, “everywhere.”

You looked down at your clothes and saw what he meant. There were smears and spatters coating your pyjamas, originating from your forearms. It looked like a car had driven through a puddle and splashed you on the sidewalk, but instead, the puddle was blood and the car was Bucky’s body. 

“Right, yeah, I think a shower is needed,” You paused before turning back to him, “Please don’t steal anything?”

“I don’t know doll, you’ve got some pretty comfy sweatpants, I’d watch out if I were you.”

You gave him a light chuckle before running upstairs, trying to hide how wide you were actually smiling. It was crazy how someone could elicit such a response from you having only known you a few conscious hours. You peeled off your dirty clothes and shoved them in the sink to soak. You jumped in the shower and tried to calm your whirling mind that was filled with thoughts of Bucky and his captivating smile. It would be extreme to call you obsessed, but you were definitely intrigued. You wanted to sit down and talk to him, try and learn anything about him that he was willing to tell you, and even just be in his company because he made you feel a step lighter than you had yesterday. 

After a thorough scrub, using your best soap because you wanted to, not because of someone downstairs, but because you wanted to. As you rounded in the kitchen in fresh clothes, Bucky was putting away the cleaning things, and the floor actually sparkled. It had never been this clean before, not even after you had scrubbed it for hours, trying to clean up the entire lasagne you had dropped on it once.

“Wow, I’m impressed and mildly concerned at how well you managed to clean that up,” you said, and Bucky lifted his head up, grinning at you.

“Let’s just say 70 years as an assassin gives you lots of practice at that sort of thing,” he joked. “Sam said he was going to be here in a few minutes, so I’m going to head off now. I just want to thank you again for everything you did for me, it really means a lot, and I can’t convey how grateful I am.”

A date would be a great thank you, you thought, but said instead, “Yeah of course, thanks for cleaning up and ya know, saving the world and that.” He gave you a small smile and you walked him to the door. As he turned to leave, he paused and looked at you with his mouth open as if he was about to say something but shook his head instead. He leant in and gave you a kiss on the cheek, lingering a little longer than you thought normal. You became aware of his hand on your arm, and his soft breath on your cheek. You blushed hard as he pulled away, still revelling in the feeling of his slightly chapped lips on your cheek and shut the door quickly before you jumped on top of the poor man. Get yourself together! You took a deep breath, trying to push Bucky out of your brain, and carried on with the day.

-

To say you thought about Bucky all day would be an understatement. A patient would come in with a broken arm having fallen off of a horse, and you wondered if Bucky had ever ridden. A small child came in with a cold, and you wondered what Bucky was like as a child, whether he was always fighting fit, or if he suffered with colds. Your fellow nurses were teasing you constantly throughout the day about the dreamy heart-eyes and wide smile you were sporting, but you didn’t care. You told them about Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome, and they swooned, gushing over the details you gave them about your encounter. 

You were still smiling ear to ear as you walked to your front door, only biting your lip to try and conceal it on the walk home so people didn’t think you were mad. To be honest, it didn’t matter that you weren’t going to see him again, the fact that he knew who you were, and that you had both shared that memory was good enough for you. Obviously, you wanted to see him again, but life was life and things aren’t always salt and pepper, so you kept that memory treasured away. As you walked up to your door, you froze. There was a small package on your doorstep. You stepped tentatively towards it, trying to discern if it was a bomb or the UPS guy had forgotten to drop it around the back. As you got closer, you saw it was the clothes you had leant Bucky, with a handwritten note on it.

‘To my guardian angel,

Let me say thank you properly, 646-724-7147,

Bucky’

Maybe things weren’t over just yet.

Next Part

[crossedbeams]

ROSE REVIEWS… THE X-FILES - S1.E11 Eve

<<1.10 Fallen Angel ———————————  1.12 Fire >>

I’m salty today and what better way than to transfer that into something positive than to finish this long overdue and almost certainly irrelevant recap of Eve. Read on for children who are almost as scary as their acting is bad, prison aesthetics and idiotic blithering by me.

THE PLOT

The fathers of creepy children are being exsanguinated on opposite coasts and Mulder wants to know the aliens have upgraded from cows. IVF suspicions run wild and with a little help from good old Deep Throat, the terrific two suspect genetic government experiments gone wrong may be responsible for the shenanigans. When the creepy kids go missing, things escalate and soda becomes a very dangerous refreshment...

Let’s go...

MY STREAM OF SEMI-CONSCIOUSNESS

Ah. The X-Files, the show that is always a scenic autumnal bath for my eyes…. And where under the leaves there is probably a dead person eaten by a molewoman or an alien. Honey? I’m home.

We find ourselves in an idyllic suburban neighbourhood, (always bad news on screen), where very concerned joggers approach an underdressed child and her stuffed animal. It’s hard at this stage to decipher whether the kid is creepy or just a really bad actor but the suspense synth hardly encourages us to give her the benefit of the doubt...

They head to the backyard, where peppy jogging neighbour fails to notice that the kid’s dad is dead coloured, posed like a corpse and basically, stereotypically and obviously dead... until he claps him jovially on the shoulder causing a tragicomic half slump of dead dad, and exposing vampiric looking marks. The kid screams, not sure why, she’s way too far away to see anything. This is the point at which I begin to suspect that she is both a bad actor AND entry #224 in the Vancouver local listing of Creepy Kids for Hire. Move over Conduit boy!

CREDITS!

This week we only wait 2.5 mins for our special baby Agents to materialise, Scully dressed as a Catholic grade schooler and Mulder wearing a tie designed, as far as I can tell, to look like mushroom soup with licorice allsorts floating in it.

Their poor fashion choices don’t seem to put them off them though, and we zigzag between lip biting (Mulder), making weird moany noises (Scully), and the level of inter office eye contact we’ve come to expect from these fluffy baby agents all set to a soundtrack of cattle mutilation chatter. And our series first (!) cow slideshow!

Scully is still naive enough to ask why Mulder believes cattle mutilation is linked to aliens. Give it a few weeks and you’ll realise that aliens is pretty much always the answer to “Why….” on the X-Files and that eyebrow is the only appropriate response before you just go with it.

I can’t wait :D

As Mulds and Sculls traverse some stairs, I realise that creepy kid #1 is called Teena. Spelled the same as Mulder’s mum. Because apparently the X-Files name bank isn’t only shallow in the male department. Also is Teena a normal spelling in the States? Here it’d only really be Tina….

I then get distracted by Scully in the biggest of purple coats. I’d love to see S1 Scully’s closet. A symphony of oversized pastels with overcoats to clash… don’t worry though hon. You’ll get some style later though for the bargain price of two (2) family members and also your ova. Poor Scully.

Scully also looks incredibly young in this scene, speaking all soft to the kid. Moments like this I struggle to believe that Mulder “never saw her as a mom” until Home. She’s all melty round the edges even though the kid is weird and creepy.

When creepy Teena starts talking about red lightning, the massively coached and unnatural pauses in dialogue and the trouble pronouncing exsanguination are just so glaring you can’t believe that this kid’s innocent charade will hold up as long as it does. But it all adds to the creep, just in time for…

**bring bring ** Scully leans in to kiss her spoopy partner tell Mulder there has been another murder. Darn. Seriously though. Close talkin to the power on uuuungghhh right here. No wonder this fandom is so thirsty.

We’re in Vancouver San Franciso, still in giant coats, for another exsanguination and what we now know is death by digitalis. Mulder says that the two estimated times of death were at the “exact same time” and I chuckle to myself like the pedant I am. Estimates cannot be exact dumdum. It also takes the edge off him mansplaining timezones to Scully. SHE IS A MEDICAL DOCTOR DAMMIT. 

This scene has very nice warm, sunsetty lighting which is nice as our Spooksters demonstrate why the X-Files department is always over budget; they’ve flown cross country to do two laps of a crime scene while reading a file aloud and the kid they wanna question isn’t even in town. Where is she? I’m glad you asked, coz remember that sunny warmness? Well it’s over.

Back on the east coast, creepTeena is getting outcreeped by a thunderstorm and what appear to be disembodied footsteps at her door. We see nothing but a flash and then the door is open. It’s tense and I’m pretty sure this is never explained, raised as a concern beyond “she got abducted”?

A new day means new suits, Mulder in a tie inspired by parquet flooring and Scully in eggshell and pinstripes and a brown trenchcoat named regret. It’s a lot to process and they still don’t seem overly concerned about Teena’s kidnapping. Despite his post Samantha abduction PTSD, Mulder’s only contribution is a dramatic sky point and the suggestion the cops need to look up, but then dun dun dduuuuunh - there’s another one.

Sinister Cindy in the house. Literally.

She informs them she has lived there “since she was born eight years ago”. Zero inflection with that info and a sentence structure as unnatural as the phenomena Mulder wants to blame. Deffo a rent-a-creepykid. 100%. The woodenness only adds to it.

Commence super awkward kitchen convo where they Mulder and Scully try and fail to find a tactful way to imply Cindy might not be this grieving wife’s legitimate child. A birthing video is offered and declined. Thank god. Imagine is CHris Carter had to watch rushes of an actual woman’s vagina with a female child emerging. 

Mrs Reardon’s insistence that Cindy was daddy’s girl is pretty horrifying once you know how it ends. Damn creepy kids. Listening in while watching politics, Cindy is infinitely creepier than Teena and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not for this kid “actor”.

Back in the car and Mulder is still pretty blase about Teena’s abduction/kidnap, though I forgive him because his flippant potato/potahto is adorable and he does hang out in the bushes to try and protect Cindy from getting nabbed sending Scully off to the IVF clinic alone. Ahh... the foreshadowing is out there.

At the Luther Stapes Medical Centre, a doctor mansplains IVF to Scully. She does not punch him. Another way that she is better than me.She does however, maintain super intense eye contact with him for the entire walk and truly it is a miracle she doesn’t fall over.

The next scene is pretty uneventful except that I can honestly say that Sally Kendrick is the last human I would want toying with my cervix. She’s...robotic and it looks like she has to work out how to sit down like a human. She could give Theresa May lessons.

Back at the hotel there’s some funky camera panning that I am here for and also I think there is some dialogue but let’s be honest.... this is more important 

Yes Professor I would like some extra credit and may I also just smooth your poofy hair.

Even Scully knows it. Hence her confusion at being ushered out, for no obvious reason. She just wants to look at him and maybe get inside his shirt and ... and... Mulder’s “what’s a girl” is cute.... but this is cuter. (even more overanalysing of this scene here for ya glasses lovers). 

Instead of meeting a girl, Mulder meets Deep Throat in an excessively aesthetically pleasing place. Honestly, Eve is a beautiful episode. Despite the creepy kids and imprisoned women. (Eve Aesthetic here). DT seems very concerned that Scully not be invited and while I’m sure that this has some link to the possibility of spy!Scully, it reads more as jealous older manfriend wants pretty Mulder to himself. And honestly I get it. God, fic has ruined me. Anyway, enough of that, enjoy this picture of pensive waterside Mulder and try to recall the specifics of the Deep Throat reveal. Project Blah. Boys called Adam. Girls called Eve. Clones. Bad. Disaster. EVE-il is at work. ¬¬ (sorry)

Mulder has brought sunflower seeds because meeting an informant without snacks = rookie error. 

The important thing to note is that Deep Throat basically sets the stage for the Super Soldier Arc and everyone forgets about it when they actually get to the super soldier arc. God, for a continuity pedant, my fave is SO problematic!

Deep Throat finishes by telling Mulder he’s scored him front row seats to what’s left of the whole fucked up thing.

Cut to the most aesthetic Institute for the criminally insane and after some hot DAMN camera angles we get panic buttons and a tromp into the deeps where they keep all the government created monsters, including Eve 6.

I just wanna take a moment away from my snark and give a huge shout out to Harriet Harris who is SO good and creepy in this episode. A lot of the Season 1 extras/bit parts are average to the extreme and honestly, Harris makes this episode. Without her eyeball biting, jerky, wild eyed delivery, this ep would be as mediocre as the creepy twin actresses.

Now we’ve got that out of the way - we find out that Eve 6 screams when the lights are on but is fine with  an industrial sized flashlight being shone all up in her face.  Nobody’s ever got a good look at her... except presumably the person who undoes her straitjacket so she can pee? And now Mulder and Scully.

Eve 6 is my fave Eve tbh. She’s this perfect mix of terrifying and pitiful, alludes to the telekinetic connection that the younger Eve twins later reference, and is the kind of proof of government misdeed that and older Mulder and Scully despair of, delivered while they’re way too young in their partnership to do anything about it. She tells them that Eves are into suicide, psychosis and murder, and on exiting, our baby agents still don’t suspect the kids.

(Break for actual analysis) It struck me during this scene how this case tunes into both Mulder and Scully’s demons. For Mulder, it’s the missing girls and the incarcerated Eve represents a scenario that could explain Samantha’s absence in the most horrifying ways. What if she is a locked up experiment just like Eve 6? For Scully it’s a visceral representation of her struggle between scientific duty and Christian morality. The creation of Eve 6 is an aberration against both good scientific practice AND the divine right of Good to control life and death... and yet she is also a victim who did not choose too be engineered and while Scully tries to question her, maintaining composure, this face/stress swallow really says it all.

Just to double the sucker punch we cut to Cindy asking the lord to take her soul, her mother looking on with a mournful doomladen stare before telling her daughter how special she is. Cindy is unmoved, because she is special(ly evil) and Mama Reardon leaves, bereft of her husband and unacknowledged by her kid. We get it Chris Carter. Genetic experimentation BAD, family GOOD, foreboding, CHECK.... now can we just-

Mulder Scully stakeout! There is no iced tea in the bag and when Mulder posits that the adult Eves 7 & 8 did done the murders, Scully pulls this face, and mutters without much conviction that she was beginning to suspect the girls. 

GOOD CALL SCULLY

Except Mulder then says “no no and here is why” and Scully just goes with it. The whole delivery at set up of this scene feels very Season 1, by which I mean Scully vacillates wildly between submitting to Mulder’s experience and being done.with.his.shit, Mulder gets all the big lines/theories/feelings/hunches and Gillian especially (and David to a lesser degree) seem unsure how to play their nuances and dynamic. Essentially it all becomes irrelevant because CRISIS takes precedent but being the super-nerd I am, this stuff fascinates me as evidence of them still learning their characters. No way S5 Scully gives up on a plausible theory so easily, even if it makes 8-yos into suspects. If cats can be evil, these staring, soulless kids can be too.

Cue Mark Snow jangles and Cindy and her similar to Teena’s bunny rabbit run away from her terrifying wall dolls and many crucifixes towards the window where she makes terrifying eye contact with Scully’s binoculars before getting grabbed by someone who is considerate enough to announce themselves by turning on the lights?!.

Mulder will take the back! (any time Mulder. Any way ¬¬ ) and sets off with his almost convincingly held gun/torch combo while Scully takes the indoors. This is, invariably, only going to go one way.

DOWN GOES SCULLY!

Sally Kendrick/Eve? leaps through the window where Mulder confronts her by asking her which Eve she is, allowing her a chance to pull a gun, shoot at him and escape and this is why you don’t want S1 Muldo and Sculls handling your home invasion. I mean who holds their gun like this, takes out a psychopath and ends the day without a hole in them?

Fox “Thinks he can outrun a car” Mulder is who. 

I love his idiot face though.

Despite the fact that Cindy didn’t struggle/scream/react to her apparent kidnap at all, Scully’s remaining focussed on the adult Eves in support of Mulder’s dismissal of her earlier theory... well I already said it but - *sigh*

After Scully briefs the police and Mulder tries to reassurea distraught Mrs Reardon that her increasingly abnormal daughter will be found we get the kind of side by side, meaningful  moment that I am here for all day long. Except that the height difference is so extreme that they never actually get Scully in focus!

And Scully’s “and then what” brings us back to unsettling truth that even if the kid gets found, things aren’t looking good for her given how much murder is in her genes. Poor Mrs Reardon.

Very X-Files, through-the-motel-sign shot and we see Sally Kendrick taking Cindy into motel to meet Teena. The girls look... creepy... and Kendrick looks weirdly and simplistically happy given that she has multiple abductees, severe genetic issues and the FBI on her back. Maybe poor old Sal just wants a normal life? Unlucky girl, this is the X-Files, no happy ending for anyone EVERR. Except possibly a two-faced rapist who likes Cher but that’s for another time.

Back to Sally Kendrick who is rocking a poloneck and showing a remarkable lack of nutritional concern for someone supposedly a genius. Pretty sure 8 cartons of fries are no better for psychotic murder-kids than regular ones. She begins to explain that she was pretty hopeful that she’s evolved the murdering out of her second batch of Eves but turns out she actually made it worse! Let’s pop a check in the box for “playing into popular concerns about genetic testing” and “reasons you shouldn’t do it yourself”. She tells Cindy and Teena she’s “disappointed” that they’ve done murders ahead of the curve. They are not bothered which is unsurprising given they don’t know her/are psychopaths.

Aesthetically this scene is very pleasing and the lack of stilted kid dialogue “we just knew” vs. long sentences definitely adds to tension. As does the total lack of background music. Hearing even these fairly limited actors candidly and remorselessly admit to murder is effective. And Kendrick’s slightly desperate plea that they not think that way, that they be “better” as she designed has the double effect of showing her own Eve-y instability and her very human desire to not have made a horrible mistake in creating this terrifying she-devils.

Sorry Sal.

Genetic destiny’s a bitch

And the X-Files narrative demands that when you play god you get dead. unless you’re the CSM in which case you probably drink digitalis and kale for breakfast to aid skin regrowth. Bye bye Sally Kendrick. Thanks for the creepers.

On attending the crime scene, Mulder and Scully are midway through being told that the scene is undisturbed when they hear stuff breaking. This prompts some X-Files-Action-MagicTM and some truly outrageous faces by Gillian.

Yup

What is most disturbing on rewatching is that with the scene secured, Scully confirms death and Mulder goes to gaze out the window while the Creeper twins cower and cry on the floor. Noe we know they’re guilty AF by this point, but in the narrative DumbScull and MulderingItOver haven’t quite got there because they’ve been too busy gazing at each other so we have two children just whimpering in the corner while Scully pokes a corpse and Mulder mulders about. 

Scully does eventually go and pat them. And again I say fuck you CC and anyone else who “didn’t see her as a mother”.

Mulder volunteers to chaperone the creepsters to hospital and beyond and the guy in charge kinda just goes “meh”. Pretty sure some liberties have been taken with child service procedures but hey, at least this means we’re almost at the crescendo moment. Right?

Having loaded them into the car, where their spiffy red outfits match the velour upholstery and promised they’ll talk about “what happens next” (again, is this really FBI jurisdiction? Fox Mulder counselling bereaved kids seems like a HORRIBLE plan to me) , Scully and Mulder note the girls attachment and somehow miss the horrifying expressions of murder on their creepy little faces. 

Again though #aesthetic

Cue some spangly night driving music, Mulder looking all pops over a red vinyl steering wheel, Scully playing mom and the creepsters plotting murder in the back. Ver ver X-Files. They pull up to a used car lot masquerading as a rest stop and go for a group wee,Mulder makes the rookie error of a) hyping evil kids with sugar and b) letting them order a murder weapon, and as soon as Scully’s distracted, one of the creepsters, possibly Sinister Cindy creeps out to spike the drinks. 

Now at this point, honestly, I’m questioning the kids narrative motives. Yes they’re murderous, but aren’t they also meant to be hyper intelligent? Amd getting marooned at a nowhere rest stop, with the corpses of two FBI agents seems SUPER dumb. Like they’re a bit small and loudly dressed to hitch a ride to Vegas and make it on the strip. What gives, creepsters?

The waitress tries to stop her plan by insisting she wait to take the soda until it’s paid for, but is way too easily placated by the kids excuse. Stick to your guns lady, you might just stop a murder.

Although apparently nobody is paying any attention because THIS ISN’T SUSPICIOUS AT ALL IS IT?

Apparently Mulder doesn’t think so, even knowing digitalis is sweet and that there is something weird afoot, he doesn’t question his super sweet diet drink or the kids totally normal and not at all weirdly resistant to drinking sugar free soda and just does this. Seriously it’s like he wants to die in agony.

Scully’s not much better, simply commenting on the “syrupy” taste. MMhmm. Bitch. You’re a medical doctor with a previously voiced suspicion. Quit sipping the murder juice.

Fortunately, after some suspenseful drawn out paying and a forgotten key excuse, Mulder FINALLY twigs when he finds some green goop on the table. Apparently murderTwin is cackhanded when she pours and Mulder, having licked the poison just to check it’s murdery enough (I just cant even) rushes outside to karate chop Scully’s drink away from her in a way so unsubtle that the creepers escape.

Which is actually great news because it gives us all the chance for a nice dark, X-Files bread and butter cat and mouse around a truckstop, cool lighting and tubey-arty stuff sequence. Which I’m here for. 

Despite some pants ruining puddles, the twins are quickly apprehended except for some gun wielding truckers interfere because in this universe regular citizens can hold law enforcement at gunpoint and prevent them doing their job/identifying themselves and anyway everyone almost gets shot and the kids run off again. I should probably insert some pithy political point here about arming the kids too but I’ve been writing this review for 84 years and I don’t have the energy.

Fortunately, at this point Mulder and Scully rediscover some investigative nous and having flashed an ID and truckboy, they trick Sinister and Creepy into thinking they’ve sped off after a school bus. Mulder goes full on child catcher and nabs them with a “gotcha” and is finally deaf to their “we’re just little girls” plea.

I’d like to take a second to flag up his response “that’s the last thing you are” because he’s wrong too. They are little girls, as well as psychopaths, and everyone’s insistence that they must be one thing or another is a device for narrative obfuscation as old as the bible. The appearance of beauty/youth/innocence is not mutually exclusive of the presence of malign intent or evil. Just ask Henry James/Oscar Wilde. Or me. I literally wrote a dissertation on this so. Yeah. They can be little girls and killers Mulder. Don’t be reductive.

But I guess we do need the simplicity of “this kid is evil” otherwise Mrs Reardon ripping her daughter out of a picture and burning it would be more conflicting and we’re only on season 1. 

Likewise the disturbing concept of two eight year olds in a secure prison. I mean yes thy’re creepy but - duh duh dunnnnh - rescue is at hand! Eve 8 shows up for them and once again thy “just knew”. This is the kind of X-Files ending I love. This is the kidn of story I would have loved the revivals to pick up. Imagine (recast) grown Cindy and Teena, off doing murdery clone stuff. Yep. Okay. I’m done now. This is the end. 

Except the score. Which is...

A solid “C” Grade (26/50)

Plot 6/10 - It’s entertaining and a good idea but I penalised it because it depends on Mulder and Scully being super slow on the uptake. That said, they do actually solve the case.

Mulder  6/10 - Mulder is in charge (thanks S1) and presents a mess of grieving brother, heroic car catcher and good cop. Good, in character stuff but not exceptional.

Scully  4/10 - Scully seems to forget she’d an MD and a badass here. She lets Mulder talk her out of (correct) suspicions, gets taken down in the action scene and generally second fiddles. She’s a cute mom but not the Scully we want to see.

USP 3/5  - This was an ambitious idea, beautifully presented, and while it didn’t quite get the polish to make it iconic it is memorable, creepy and a good representation of S1 bread and butter eps. 

Other Characters  5/10 - These points are all for Harriet Harris. None for you creeper twins. None for you.

Bonus points 2/10 - One for being aesthetically pleasing. One for the dorky, cute, feeling out Mulder/Scully moments (motel urnghh) and also their mom and pop act at the rest stop.

That’s all for now folks. I’ll probably have the next one done this decade. Fire. Goodie.

<< 1.10 Fallen Angel ———————————  1.12 Fire >>

[captainswanouat]

fish out of water;

A/N: merry christmas @cocohook38​! decided to also write you a little fic as well for your present! found this list of mermaid AUs and the second to the last one jumped out at me and i just HAD TO WRITE THE THING. like i said on the manip, i’m super glad you share my love for mermaid!CS/mermaid AUs :) you’ve been so fun to santa for, and i hope you had an absolutely wonderful day today!

SUMMARY: Killian Jones truly just wanted to live a normal life. Go to class, come home, finish his education, and hide the fact that he is, in fact, a merman. He was into his final year of school and so far, nobody had caught on to his charade; but all good things must come to an end sometime and truly, it was his own fault it happened.

Based on the prompt: “I know it's late and I don't know you but I hear you can talk to fish and I'm worried my goldfish is depressed”

on AO3

Killian Jones truly just wanted to live a normal life.

Go to class, come home, finish his education, and hide the fact that he is, in fact, a merman.

It was a simple request which was granted by the God's of the sea, allowing him to walk among the human race (with the help of the enchanted bracelet around his wrist). There was a simple catch, however; if his feet touched the ocean, then it was back to growing a tail and waiting until the effects of the water wore off.

He was into his final year of school and so far, nobody had caught on to his charade.

But all good things must come to an end sometime and truly, it was his own fault it happened.

He had chosen a small school just off the coast and only hundreds of yards from the beach. While he had to stay away for his own sake, he couldn't stomach the idea of isolating himself from the ocean for the majority of a year. So this school was the perfect combination of a a good education while being close enough to home. Dorm living had served him well in his first two semesters, but when the lack of space began to drive him stir crazy, into an apartment he went. After an entire life of living in the ocean, the cramped dorm living just wasn’t going to cut it.

The apartment complex he inevitably chose had immediately piqued his interest due to the large fish tank that sat in the middle of the lobby- it was like a little home away from home that he could enjoy when he was missing the water more than usual. Every now and then he found himself drawn downstairs, towards the tank, before finding a seat and quietly speaking to the fish. He kept quiet so nobody would hear him, cause the last thing he needed was his entire complex thinking he was a crazy person- even if they wouldn't realize he was actually conversing with the fish.

And it was one day in the middle of his last semester that he realized he was not nearly as subtle as he had thought.

It was late. He wasn’t even sure how late it was, but it was late enough that he was unfortunately aware of how dreadful his 9am class was sounding. With a steaming hot cup of tea in his hands he made his way towards his room, when a knock to his door nearly sent the mug sailing towards the ground. Correcting himself, he glanced towards his front door with a scowl on his face. He had friends in his classes, but he never allowed anyone to get to close on the off chance they'd find out his secret (and really, who would calmly react to finding out someone is part fish?). So the fact anyone was at his door was.... surprising to say the least.

That, and the fact that it was well past a respectable hour to be stopping by someone’s flat.

He set his mug down on the counter and made his way to his front door, jumping slightly as the person frantically knocked again.

"Bloody hell, I'm coming," he grumbled, retching his door open.

A woman, not much younger than himself, was standing in the hallway; a distressed look on her face, and a guppy in a bag of water in her hand.

Her blonde curls tumbled over her shoulders and black rimmed glasses framed her face; he'd seen his fair share of sirens in his life and, at this point, wouldn't be surprised if this blonde goddess was one.

"Can... I help you?"

The woman looked up, pleading green eyes meeting his and really, how was it possible a woman was this gorgeous?  "You're the guy that talks to the fish, right?"

That was the second time in a minute he felt the air leave his lungs.

"I uh... talk... to the fish?"

Real smooth, Killian.

"Yeah, the guy that sits in the lobby and talks to the fish in the tank."

He was mentally smacking himself. "I believe you might have me confused with someone else, I'm sorry lass-"

She held up the bag, a reassuring hand reaching towards him. "Please. I know it’s late, but I'm not here to make fun of you. I really, really need your help."

He let out a deep sigh, raking his hand through his hair. “What do you need, love?”

She glanced inside the bag, nose scrunching way too adorably. “I think my fish is depressed.”

His eyes widened near comically. “Your fish is depressed?”

If looks could kill, Killian was sure he would be dead from the glare she lowered in his direction.

“I’m not making fun of you for talking to fish, don’t make fun of me for being worried about Flounder.”

Oh my God I think I’m in love.

“My apologies, love. Why don’t you… come in.” He swept his arm into the entryway of his apartment, reaching up to nervously scratch the back of his neck as the mysterious fish worrier followed him in. Glancing in her direction, he saw her taking in the space, still cradling the small bag in her hand, before hopping onto one of the stools in his kitchen.

She smiled timidly at him while gently placing the bag on the counter. “So how does this work?”

“Well a good starting point would be for you to tell me your name.” He reached into a cabinet and pulled out two mugs. “Also, how do you take your coffee?”

“Black, like my soul,” she replied, a sardonic smile curling on her lips.

Yep, definitely in love.

“Well, we’ve got at least one thing in common,” Killian replied, turning on his coffee pot. He grabbed the forgotten (and now cold) mug of tea off the counter and poured it down the sink; he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon. Glancing backwards, he expected her to answer the first part of his question and give him her name- but she remained silent on her stool, and something told him not to push it.

He didn’t really need to know her name, anyway.

Not 2 minutes later he had two mugs full of black coffee, sliding one towards the siren in his kitchen before turning his attention to her fish. Killian had been presented with many difficult situations in his life but in this one he truly was stumped; what exactly was he supposed to do in this situation? Normally when he talked to the fish, he was alone and not being watched (or so he thought, at least). The whole thing didn’t seem right when he was standing in front of a human who would be watching his every move.

He must have been quiet longer than he realized as the woman spoke up. “Is there anything you need from me?”

“I just…” Killian reached up to scratch behind his ear; a nervous tick. “I mean, you don’t find this a little weird? The idea of me… talking to the fish?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Honestly? Not really. One of my foster homes growing up had a cat, and I used to talk to her like she could understand me.” Killian noted the way her eyes widened, and she shook her head slightly. “Would it be easier if I left?

Probably. “No!” He answered much too quickly, causing his guest to arch an eyebrow at him. “I uh… I mean as long as you’re not put off by it, no, you… you don’t need to leave.”

“No judgement here. I just appreciate you doing this. To be honest, I thought you would find me crazy because I thought my fish was depressed.”

Laughing lightly, he motioned towards himself. “Well I guess we’re both worrying about things we needn’t. Let’s see the little bugger.” She slid the bag across the counter, and Killian pursed his lips together. “To be entirely honest, love, I’m sure he doesn’t enjoy the tiny little bag much.”

The woman immediately groaned while leaning her elbows against the counter. “I know,” she whined. “But I thought it would be too weird to just come up here and invite you down to my apartment because ‘hey my fish is depressed’ and I didn’t want to seem like I was coming onto you-” She groaned again, this time putting her face in her hands. “Not that- not that I WOULDN’T come on to you-”

“Lass, it’s okay, I’m simply teasing. Mostly.” He cleared his throat before she can respond and turned his attention to the guppy in front of him. Here goes nothing. “Good evening…. Flounder.” He glanced up and she nodded encouragingly, face still partially hidden behind her hands. “So your mum here tells me that something seems off with you.” As he talks, he can hear the quiet noises coming from the fish, so he closes his eyes to focus on understanding the poor thing. “Well, yes, I already informed her that fish don’t quite enjoy these small, enclosed, plastic bubbles.”

The woman gives an indignant huff. “I had no other choice!”

Killian chuckled and kept his attention on Flounder. “You hear that? She had no other choice. This was the best way to help make sure you were okay.” He can hear more guppy sounds, smiling as he listens. “You know, your mum was quite worried about you. So worried, in fact, that she came marching all the way down to my apartment in the dead of the night so as to make sure you were okay… aye, yes, I understand, Flounder. If I make sure to tell her, will you promise to perk up more for her? No more sadly swimming in your tank?” He takes the small response as promising enough, and gently pushed the bag back towards the blonde goddess on his stool.

“So, what’s the verdict, fish whisperer?”

Killian arched a brow at her. “I thought we weren’t making fun?” His lips curled into a smile before continuing. “Don’t worry love, there’s nothing to be concerned about. Flounder here is perfectly happy back at home in his tank. The stress you were giving off due to being worried about him, in return, made him stressed out. Not to fear, he promises to perk up in his tank more. He also requests that you feed him more than once per day; he gets a bit hungry between meals.”

The infectious laugh that bellowed from her belly makes him feel more alive than he has in years and he seriously cannot believe this woman is real. “You truly are a lifesaver,” she said while picking up the bag. “I’m sorry again for coming over so late… I was just starting to panic and didn’t know what else to do.”

“No apologies needed, love. I’m happy to help.”

Killian walked around the counter, offering the (still) nameless woman his hand to help her off the stool. She started making her way to the door, and he has to resist the urge to put his hand on the small of her back.

Snap out of it, Killian.

When she reached the door, he fully expected her to say goodbye and walk out of his apartment, never to be seen again- but she surprised him by stopping and turning around, looking up at him expectantly. After a few beats of unusual silence, he decided to take one more chance to at least get her name.

“Well, have a wonderful night, mysterious fish mom.”

She smiled at him, offering her hand. “My name is Emma.”

“Emma…” he said quietly, while taking her hand and brushing a feather light kiss across her knuckles.. “It’s lovely to meet you Emma. I’m Killian.”

“Well, thank you again, Killian.” The emphasis on his name sent a shiver down his spine. “And you don’t have to worry, your secret is safe with me.”

What? “My secret? What secret?” he asked, confusion lacing his brows.

“I mean, it’s pretty obvious how you can talk to fish.”

His eyes blew wide, and he was nearly sure his heart was going to beat straight out of his chest. “I… I uh-”

She waved him off with a flourish of her hand. “You don’t have to pretend and you don’t have to hide it. To be honest, I think it’s pretty fucking awesome that an actual merman is living in my apartment complex.” Killian’s eyes widened and Emma lips curled into a smirk. “Meet me in the lobby around 10am tomorrow, I’ll treat you to coffee and you can explain to me how you-” She gestured to his legs “-got those. Deal?”

He isn’t even sure what to say (or if he could even speak, to be honest) so he simply nods. Emma reached up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek, before slipping out the front door.

After a few beats of staring blankly at his front door he was sure of 2 things:

1- He was in deep shit.

and 2- There was no way he’d be making that 9am class in the morning

[spikey-boiii]

1 2 7 8 9 30 39 45 48 55 81 97 128 177 195 199 203 216 257 sorry

1 - How are you?I'm pretty good! Trying super hard not to stress about my exams next week, but aside from that I'm doin alright!!2 - Post a picture of yourselfYou got it 👉👉7 - Your zodiac and if you think it fits your personality.Libra - the peace keeper. We're meant to be super friendly and nice and we put other before ourselves, almost to a fault, and we try to keep peace in conflict situations. I used to argue endlessly about how I am nothing like my zodiac, but that actually sounds exactly like me.8 - What did you do on your last birthday?On the actual day of my birthday, I went to school, did a Very Important™ French speaking exam, came home and slept for a bit. The weekend of my birthday I had friends over for a sleep over and we watched Peter Pan Goes Wrong, Rocky Horror Picture Show and Megamind. Which now that I think about it sounds like a movie list you would have picked.9 - What is one thing you'd like to accomplish before your next birthday?I'd like to be a bit happier with my appearance. I get a lot of self loathing regarding my clothes and general appearance, so I'd like to have somehow fixed that by then.30 - What do you think you're really good at?Playing guitar and writing music. It's what people always tell me I'm good at, so it's the place my mind always goes first. Plus I guess I am pretty good at it.39 - Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?No! I sleep with a collection of pillows and cushions to cuddle. I have three stuffed toy - a snake, and orange voodoo doll and a koala - but they all sit on shelves. I don't sleep with them.45 - Is your life anything like it was two years ago?Two years ago I wasn't out to anyone but my mum, still went by my dead name, had long-ish hair. I was in the tail end of a god awful emo phase and still very much dressed like it and listened to the right music. I identified as asexual and aromantic, and claimed to hate everyone. I lived going to school and hated art. Fourteen year old Oli and I could not be more different48 - Say 10 facts about your room.1. It is on the third floor of my house2. It was my dad's office until about a year ago when he moved his office downstairs so he could be closer to his family.3. I used to have lots of posters on the wall, but most I'd them were band posters for bands I didn't listen to anymore so I took them down. 4. I currently have four posters on my wall - an anatomical drawing of a skull, that typical UFO "I want to believe" poster, a picture of the Orion Nebula and a poster I got at a street festival last year. 5. Until last weekend it was had not been tidied for the better part of a year 6. It once went seven months without the light working - I used a lamp until my parents realised and finally got me a new bulb 7. There are two tie-dye celtic wall hangings on my walls and they've been here for as long as I can remember 8. I don't currently own an incense burner so there is usually a pile of ash on my drawers because I forget to clean it up. 9. It usually smells either of sandalwood, opium, or lavender incense. 10 - There are four guitars and two ukuleles in my room55 - a random fact about yourself I want to study Moving Image Arts and Technical Theatre in school next year. 81 - Top 5 places you wish to go before you die1. The Czech Republic in the winter 2. Iceland to see the Northern Lights3. India for their colour festival that I can't remember the name of right now (Sorry!) 4. Wherever the heck you are I really don't care just beside you. 5. Norway 97 - What would your dream house be like? Small but not cramped. A wide garden, with maybe a forest nearby. Space for a dog. Obviously. Full of trinkets and odds and ends that look almost like what you'd find in a witch's hut. Lots of blankets and cushions and books and candles. Not too far from civilisation, but also not on a main road. Homey. Sweet. 128 - A description of the boy you like. Just picture like the cutest boy ever and your pretty much there. He had big, bright eyes in the most gorgeous shade of brown I've seen. I uses to find brown eyes boring and then I saw his. He has a round, almost cherub-like face, and a smile that absolutely melts my heart and brightens my day. He's so sweet, and dorky sometimes. He's funny and caring and warm and everything you could want à person to be. He's also gay as hell.177 - Do you like to dance? Yes! I love music and can't help but move to it. I rarely do parties, and when I do it's usually only small arm movements. I don't know how to dance properly, but I'd love to learn (preferably with a very cute, brown eyed American teacher). One day!! 195 - You're an action movie hero. What's your choice if weapon and the line you tell when defeating your arch enemy? I fight only with my crippling sarcasm. My final line in the fight to the death is simply "I want breakfast." 203 - If you met me, what would you do? WARNING THIS IS GONNA BE HELLA GAYI'd hug you. Obviously. A tight hug I only manage to pull off when I'm excited. I'd play with your hair because of that one time I said I'd fly to America to play with your hair. I'd dance with you. At some point. Obviously. I'd probably kiss you if I built up the courage and if you were comfortable with it. I'd hold your hand hand and smile at you and just marvel at the fact that you're actually, really, truly THERE. 216 - If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? I'd eradicate illness - physical and mental. Life wasn't meant to be lived with an unfair handicap out of anybody's control, so I'd get rid of it. 257 - Make a confession I do the thing where if I'm listening to indie folk music (and I'm always listening to indie folk music) on public transport and it's raining I imagine I'm in a music video. I just can't help it. The atmosphere is so perfect what else am I supposed to do?

[raindrops-on-the-roof]

Tenshi

Hey everyone! This is just the first chapter of a fanfiction I’m writing for miraculous! It, as well as the second and third chapters, are avaliable under the name “Tenshi”. Please give it a read if you want to!

Summary: In which Nino is smart and everyone else is just slow.

“Pay attention! Open your eyes!” Nino yelled, wanting to slap him and hug him at the same time. “She’s literally right there? How are you so blind? What is this?”

Also, how does Gabriel Agreste know so much? “Nathalie, find me all of this girl’s friends.” Nathalie frowned at him. “Sir, that could take a while -”

“Do it!”

Adrien doesn’t understand. In general. “Why do you keep bringing this up? It was just a cat pun!” He hoped Nino didn’t notice how sweaty he was.

Alya is somehow, surprisingly, miraculously, as clueless as ever. “What are you saying, Nino? That they- ” She waved an arm vaguely in their direction, her eyes dead on him - “are meant to be Ladybug and Chat Noir?”

Tikki is tired, in every way that a parent dealing with an overdramatic teenager is. “MARINETTE! I have been patient with you, but this is as far as your stupidity goes!”

And Marinette is just… normal. “I… uh…” She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. He glared at her. “I’m sorry.”

Let’s see if I can make this work.

Look who’s back, back again with more shit lmao

So this stems off the end of the “Miraculous Ladybug Episode - My Birthday Party | Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir” thing on Youtube. Don’t get excited, it’s not actually a new episode, but you should totally check it out anyway.

Anyways, enjoy

Tenshi

“I can’t wait till Saturday!”

Marinette closed her diary and placed it back in its handmade container before setting the trap. Tikki, her kwami, flew up from her purse as she stood back and took a deep breath.

“What did you write about this time, Marinette?” Tikki chirped, whizzing to look her in the eye.

She smiled at her friend. “Oh, Tikki, I wrote about my birthday! Mum said I could have friends over, remember? Of course, I’ll invite Alya, I mean that’s obvious, and Rose and Juleka, and maybe Ivan and Myléne because of course Myléne will come if Ivan does and– “

“Wait!” Tikki interrupted, waving her hands in an attempt to slow her rambling. Marinette, however, continued.

“–Oh, my gosh, what if Adrien comes! Imagine that, Tikki!” She grabbed Tikki and shook her a little while the kwami sighed, knowing she’d lost her. “I’ll need to plan it for when there’s a break in his schedule!”

Marinette frantically pulled down her (incredibly) detailed Adrien timetable to check that his Saturday was free. She scanned the days leading up to it. “Okay, Tikki!” She cried, excited. “Today is Tuesday!” She whapped the sheet with a cane. “So obviously today is his first of two– “She stuck two fingers in the air for emphasis– “free days of the week, the other being Thursday.”

Tikki nodded absentmindedly, trying to look as though she was paying attention. Honestly, by now, she was used to Marinette’s rants about Adrien, as she had watched the bluenette’s feelings go from disgust to curiosity to full-blown obsession.

Honestly, Tikki was starting to get worried about it, not that she’d ever tell the girl that.

Obsession with anything was never healthy, and looking around Marinette’s bedroom, Tikki could see the evidence of hers. Posters, doodles, little notes, and the most obvious thing; the schedule. She didn’t know and didn’t want to know how Marinette managed to get her hands on that information.

Zoning back into the conversation, Tikki noticed that Marinette was nearing the end of a rant about what days Adrien was free, noting that she had been talking for about five minutes.

“Marinette!” Tikki interrupted, sounding scolding. “What is the point?”

Marinette looked at Tikki as if she had two heads. “My point is… ah…” She waved her cane about as she thought. “… What were we talking about again?”

Tikki shook her head in exasperation. “Can Adrien come to your party this Saturday?”

Marinette’s eyes darted to the schedule before nodding her head in happy affirmation. “Yes! He can!” She started dancing around her room in excitement.

Tikki giggled at her antics, stopping suddenly when Marinette’s face grew horrified. “Marinette? What is it?”

She collapsed on her bed dramatically. “Oh, Tikki, what am I going to wear? What is he going to wear? What if he wears some super stylish awesome clothes his dad designed specifically for the party? What if I wear something gross and disgusting and he thinks it looks awful? I think I’d just about die from embarrassment!” Marinette groaned from her position face down on the bed. “What am I going to do?”

Tikki, well versed in the ways of the teenaged mind, was the voice of reason. “Marinette, you haven’t even asked him yet.”

Marinette looked up at Tikki, looking yet more horrified. “Oh my gosh, Tikki, how am I going to ask him?” She started groaning into her duvet again.

Tikki had to stop this before she got the ball rolling once again. “Won’t Nino help you? He’s been quite kind in the past, and now that he and Alya are… something, you would be able to catch him alone.”

Marinette looked up at Tikki again, but with a completely different expression. “Tikki, you’re a genius! I’ll call Alya right now!”

Tikki rubbed her temples. “Don’t you think you should make a list of the people you want to invite?”

“Ah, yes, more amazingly amazing good ideas from Tikki!”

Marinette tore a piece of paper from her ideas book before scribbling the names down, tapping her pen on the table occasionally before writing something, or crossing something out, before showing Tikki her list. “Tada! I decided on Alya, Rose, Juleka, Ivan, Myléne, Kim, Max and Alix! Of course, Nino and Adrien are there too.” She pointed to their names as she said them.

Tikki noticed but didn’t comment on the hearts drawn around Adrien’s name, nor the fact the Chloé Bourgeois and Sabrina Raincomprix’s names were crossed out. Instead, she was supportive. “That sounds great, Marinette! Now you can call Alya!”

Marinette nodded happily before picking up her phone and dialling Alya’s number in record time.

“Hey, girl! What’s going on?”

“Just a whole lot of planning, actually! Are you busy?”

“Uh, Marinette, have you seen the time?” Alya sounded like she was trying not to laugh.

It was 8:10 pm on a Tuesday night. Marinette had not started her homework.

“Oh no! ThankyousomuchAlyaI’lltalktoyousoonbye!” Marinette slammed her phone down on her bed and ripped her homework out of her bag. She had to get started if she wanted a decent night’s sleep.

Tikki giggled again, feeling happy albeit guilty for forgetting about her work. “Well, the quicker you finish the work, the quicker we can go back to planning.”

“Right!”

ひらがな！

愛していますよ！

Unfortunately, Marinette did not finish her homework until 11 pm that night and by then was exhausted and practically flew into her bed without changing or taking out her hair. Tikki, though exhausted herself, took a little bit longer.

Staring at Marinette’s sleeping form, the kwami sighed. The girl’s naivety was really starting to worry her along with her obsession and Tikki worried that, when faced with a difficult decision, her Ladybug would fall.

She shook her head. She knew better than to dwell on such things. Everything would work out.

Tikki floated slowly over beside Marinette and pulled out her pigtails slowly, trying not to wake her. One day she’d be faced with something bigger than her, and Tikki knew that Marinette could not fail her. Wayzz’s master had not been wrong about a ladybug in thousands of years. Everything would be okay.

She hoped.

奇跡的

よかたですよ

The next day, Marinette (of course) woke up late for school. She sprinted down the stairs with Tikki in her purse and quickly kissed her both her parents goodbye before tripping over her feet and falling face first through the door onto the pavement outside. Tikki stifled a giggle but stayed hidden as Alya ran up from the side.

“Again, Marinette?” Alya helped her up before dusting her off. “Hurry, we’re gonna be late!”

Marinette started laughing before grabbing her hand and pulling her along. “I need to talk to you!”

“Can it wait? Madame Mendeleiev is going to slaughter us!” Alya cried, starting to pant.

They rounded the corner to the school.

Marinette hesitated. “Well… Yes, of course, it can!” They both jumped up the stairs, taking two at a time before getting into the building.

“Wait.” Alya stuck an arm out to stop Marinette bursting into the class. “We need to fix ourselves up and enter gracefully.”

Marinette looked at Alya. Her hair was windswept and her glasses were askew. Marinette knew she probably looked similar. “Right!”

Tikki, feeling a bit battered, shook her head in Marinette’s purse, feeling a little discombobulated. Peeking out, she watched them fix each other up before they swept into class. Luckily, they were only a few minutes late and Madame Mendeleiev only told them to take their seats.

As soon as Marinette stepped into the classroom, Tikki could feel Plagg. It wasn’t something she could stop, and of course, she was used to it. She had a small idea of who had the ring, as Adrien had not yet been akumatised; however, it was not unheard of for a miraculous holder to become an akuma, and a regular civilian could easily avoid akumatisation with the ability to control their emotions.

Besides, Chat Noirs in the past had never been that lucky.

Tikki decided to take a nap. It would be a few hours before anything interesting happened, anyway.

奇跡的

よかたですよ

She woke up to the sound of Marinette’s frantic whispering to Alya.

“But Alya, how do you think he’ll react to my invitation? Do you think he’ll hate it? Oh my God, he will, won’t he?” She groaned. “This is the end of my life!”

Tikki could picture the pity smile on Alya’s beautiful face.

“Girl, you know he won’t.” She said, sounding like she was trying not to laugh. “Besides, you have to actually ask him first.”

“I know, I know…” Marinette stared at the blond mop in front of her, who seemed to be lost in thought.

Alya hesitated before touching her arm gently. “You know, Marinette… Do you think you’ll actually be able to ask him?”

Tikki hoped she remembered her suggestion. Luckily, that was the case.

“I was going to ask Nino for help!” Alya’s smile turned forced. Marinette noticed immediately. “What is it?”

“Nothing, nothing!” Alya tried to convince Marinette, who looked more worried by the second. “It’s just… I mean… Will you need me there?”

Marinette suddenly forgot all about the party. “Alya, is there something wrong between you and Nino? You seemed so close before…”

Alya pursed her lips. She didn’t want to talk about this, not now, not when he was right there and breathing and being perfect for her if she wasn’t so-

“Alya?” She immediately plastered on a smile. Marinette looked extremely concerned, remembering the way their personalities clicked so well while they were locked in the cage.

Alya couldn’t tell her, the words drowning her lungs, blocking her throat, stilling her tongue. “No, girl, don’t worry about me! I’ll totally have your back.”

Marinette smiled and thanked her, but Alya could tell this wasn’t the end of the conversation, and Marinette knew that she would have to seek out Nino herself. She couldn’t ask Alya for help after that reaction.

The bell rang, startling the two, and apparently Adrien, who fell out of his chair in front of her. Alya snorted and Nino burst out laughing.

“You right there, dude? Your head was totally in the clouds the entire class,” Nino said through his laughter. Alya was trying to hide her giggling, and Marinette was trying to find something to do with her hands.

Adrien rolled his eyes at Nino and sent Alya a look before grinning at Marinette. “At least you’re polite enough not to laugh.”

Marinette could feel her knees weaken at the way his eyes shined when he smiled and was suddenly speaking. “Ah! Yes! You are very nice! … I mean me! I am very nice! Marinette! That is me!” Smooth.

Adrien looked confused while Alya’s quiet giggling turned into full-blown laughter, struggling for air with tears in her eyes. Nino winced a bit while Adrien’s face went from confused to amused, saying “Thanks, I think?” before picking up his bag and walking out of the classroom for lunch.

Marinette put her head in her hands as soon as he left. Alya, finally calming down now, wiped away a tear of mirth before patting her on the back. “Come on girl, that wasn’t as bad as last week.”

Marinette groaned while that sent Nino into more laughter. “Oh man, that was great! You were… Um…” Alya’s glare cut him off and he quickly made himself scarce.

She sighed and patted Marinette on the back while the girl in question took some deep breaths. Finally, she stood up. “Let’s go. Did you see where Nino went?”

Alya smiled sheepishly. “No, sorry.” She glanced at the ceiling. “It’s Thursday, right? I don’t think he’d go home today, he has physics after lunch. He’s probably in the library.”

Marinette lifted her chin determinedly and strutted out of the room, her show of false bravado prompting Alya to join her as they walked towards the library. Alya was a little suspicious of her confidence but supposed that talking to Nino about Adrien wasn’t as nerve-wracking as talking to the boy in question was.

At least, for Marinette.

Alya was shaken out of her thoughts as Marinette stopped at the entrance to the library. She took a deep breath and pushed the heavy doors open.

The Collège Françoise Dupont library was the pride and joy of the school. With the 500 hardwood shelves stacked with books and papers of all subjects, it was not unheard of for the students of universities and other colleges around Paris to join the usual students in the library.

However, a big library meant it took Marinette over half of lunch to find Nino, with Alya getting steadily more restless.

Alya was struggling to think of an excuse to run, finding herself unable to come up with a reason to avoid seeing him. She could not see him, not outside of having to, she couldn’t -

“Nino! Finally,” Marinette cried, getting a withering look from a nearby student. “We’ve spent almost all of our break trying to find you,” she said, quieter.

Nino, who had glanced up at the shout, frowned in confusion. “We?”

Marinette pursed her lips and reached behind her, dragging Alya to stand beside her with surprisingly strong arms, Nino noticed. “Alya and I.”

Nino looked shocked for a split second before smoothing it over with a kind smile at Marinette. “Well, what can I help you with?”

“I… um…” Alya elbowed her in the side. Tikki was wide awake.

Nino waited patiently, knowing she’d get through her hesitations. She had only been hesitant around her when she wanted to know something about Adrien - that is until she asked.

Marinette sat down next to Nino, before turning her chair to sit right in front of him and leaning forward. “IwantAdrientocometomyparty!” Marinette whisper-shouted into his ear. Alya rolled her eyes and Nino smiling fondly. “You, uh, wanna repeat that?”

Marinette took a deep breath before staring Nino dead in the eyes. “I want Adrien to come to my party, it’s on Saturday at.. I don’t know where yet, the park? And it’d be really cool if he could come! What if he bought me a present! Oh my goodness, I -”

“Woah, woah, Marinette,” Nino said, holding his hands up to stop her ranting. “What do you want me to do about this?”

Marinette paused her ranting before saying, “Well, of course, I want you to ask him for me,”

Nino considered her carefully, weighing the pros and cons. Of course, the cons were obvious: Adrien probably wouldn’t be allowed to go, therefore making Marinette worry about why he didn’t come, he hated her, etc. But if he was allowed…

Well, that could open whole new doors to their relationship. Of course, he and Alya (separately) could con them together.

Alya…

No, he wouldn’t think anything more of it. He would ask him, for Marinette’s sake.

He leaned forward and stared her straight in the face, mimicking her perfectly. “Marinette, for your sake, I will…” He trailed off, his eyes having found their way to her earrings - red with black spots.

“You will? Thank you!” She flung forward to hug him, almost shoving him off his chair.

“No problem,” He muttered, wrapping his arms around her. Still, his mind focused on her ladybug-spotted earrings. He never knew she was a fan…

Effectively ripping his attention back to reality, Marinette let go and stood up quickly. “Wait, Marinette,” He called as she was about to leave. “He might not be allowed to go because of his father. Please don’t get your hopes up too high.”

Marinette nodded sharply, still beaming, and Nino knew that his words hadn’t quite gotten through to her.

Still, he would ask. He knew that Adrien would probably like to go, but if his dad said no, he wouldn’t push it. Nino had to change that.

Watching the girls leave, Nino stood up too. He had work to do.

奇跡的

よかたですよ

Adrien took a deep breath of fresh air before walking down the well-polished stairs of Collège Françoise Dupont. His day, as was usual, had been rather unlucky, and his brand new shirt was sporting the evidence: a rather large splatter of tomato sauce dead in the centre. His dad wouldn’t be pleased.

Shaking his head, he was about to get into his car when -

“Yo! Adrien! Wait a sec, dude!” Adrien smiled apologetically at the Gorilla before turning to see Nino quickly descending the stairs, his arm outstretched. “I need to ask you something.”

Adrien grinned. “Sure. What’s up?”

Nino sighed. “It’s Marinette. She wants you to come to her birthday party.” He stared at the ground. “I tried to tell her that you probably wouldn’t be allowed, but she didn’t listen -”

“Woah,” Adrien said, putting his hand on Nino’s shoulder. “It’s okay, I’ll ask my Dad.”

Nino ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know you will, and he’ll say no, just like he always does. You always have the worst luck with these things.”

Adrien smirked, and Nino knew the pun was coming before he even said anything. “Like a black cat, huh?”

Nino froze. Not what he expected. “Um, what?”

Adrien shook his head, still with a grin on his face. “Inside joke.”

Nino stared for a little longer than was polite, making Adrien clear his throat uncomfortably. “Uh, so, I’ll ask my Dad and see how it goes, alright?”

Nino cleared his throat. “Yeah, sure. Hey, you know what this means, right?”

Adrien rolled his eyes before they found the top of the stairs. “This again? Nino, you’d have to be crazy if you think she’d like me.” Nino took the opportunity to search out the silver ring on his finger.

“T-trust me, bro. She totally has the hots for you.” The ring had the outline of six dots - five smaller, one large.

Adrien shook his head before a grunt from his bodyguard made him wince. “Sorry, Nino, I really have to get going, or I’ll be late for practice.”

Nino stared blankly at the black limousine as it sped away, comparing Adrien’s appearance and behaviour to that of Paris’s beloved black cat. Finding too many similarities for it to be considered normal, he sighed and ran his hand through his hair, wishing he’d never noticed.

Okay you guys but don’t expect a legit schedule from me I wrote this in like two weeks around school okay thanks bye

[surveysonfleek]

212.

1. When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk so the cereal doesn’t get too soggy too quickly.

2. Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a winter day? the first hit of cold is always nice. after awhile it gets annoying.

3. What random objects do you use to bookmark your books? nothing too interesting, random pieces of paper etc. or i’ll just fold the corner.

4. How do you take your coffee/tea? coffee: two sugars with milk. tea: one sugar and milk.

5. Are you self-conscious of your smile? i’m happy with my teeth, they could be a bit whiter though.

6. Do you keep plants? my mum loves plants, our backyard is huge and there’s gardens everywhere. there’s also some plants inside in the front lounge and then our dining room. none in my room, not enough sunlight lol.

7. Do you name your plants? no.

8. What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? none. do tumblr surveys count?

9. Do you like singing/humming to yourself? only if i’m really into the songs.

10. Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side or stomach.

11. What’s your inner joke you have with your friends? there’s too many but one of the more recent ones is millus. there’s a guy at work named milos and it’s correctly pronounced ‘milosh’ but everyone says ‘mi-loss’ which is also fine. one of our workmates called him ‘millus’ the other day ever so innocently and we thought it was hilarious. so his name is millus now. lol.

12. What’s your favourite planet? earth.

13. What’s something that made you smile today? getting a new candle!

14. If you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? definitely loft style. huge space with high ceilings. our room would be open on like a second level and then everything on the first level would be studio-like, not many walls apart from the bathroom.

15. Go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! no.

16. What’s your favourite pasta dish? ugh i hate pasta. if i had to choose, probably gnocchi.

17. What colour do you really want to dye your hair? nothing in particular. wouldn’t mind some highlights. but my hair is super dead, it needs a break.

18. Tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. tomorrowland and coachella alwayssss come up in conversation. 

19. Do you keep a journal? What do you write/draw in it? nope.

20. What’s your favourite eye colour? hazel is always pretty.

21. Talk about your favourite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. hmmm i change handbags every year and they all go through hell and back with me lol. but i’d have to choose my hand carry luggage. that shit is super old, one of the zips are broken, the handle struggles to pull up but i still take it with me everywhere. one time i checked it in and it went missing. i thought it was the end of it but thankfully it was found and delivered to my front door lol.

22. Are you a morning person? nope. but if i have to wake up early i can do so easily.

23. What’s your favourite thing to do on lazy days where you have no obligations? i clean my room a bit, rearrange stuff, cook something new and watch netflix.

24. Is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? probably my boyfriend.

25. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? i don’t think i’ve ever broken in anywhere.

26. What are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i have a lot of favourites that i’ll wear until they eventually break lol. 

27. What’s your favourite bubblegum flavour? watermelon.

28. Sunrise or sunset? sunset. but sunrises are just as beautiful.

29. What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? when my boyfriend geeks out about certain things like game of thrones lol. loser.

30. Think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes, of course.

31. What is your opinion of socks? Do you like wearing weird socks? Do you sleep with socks? Do you confine yourself to white sock hell? Really, just talk about socks. i only wear socks when i’m wearing boots or sneakers or if it’s winter and my feet are cold. i own more black socks than white coz of work.

32. Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with your friends. that’s what i call a dope games night hahaha.

33. What’s your favourite pastry? i honestly love all pastry.

34. Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. What is it called? What does it look like? Do you still keep it? this cabbage patch doll. she was black with dreads and had a flower tee. my grandparents got it for me, not once did i think she was different coz she was black, i just loved her! i have no idea where it is now sadly.

35. Do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? Do you use them often? i love stationery, i just don’t use them enough to buy heaps.

36. Which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? no idea. none right now.

37. Do you like keeping your room messy or clean? organized chaos tbh.

38. Tell us about your pet peeves! i could make an entire list. but my main one are people who cough without covering their mouths.

39. What colour do you wear the most? black.

40. Think of a piece of jewellery you own: what’s its story? Does it have any meaning to you? my diamond bracelet my boyfriend got me for my 21st birthday. i love it but it’s super flimsy, it’s broken twice now so i don’t wear it anymore.

41. What’s the last book you remember really, really loving? harry potter. all of them.

42. Do you have a favourite coffee shop? Describe it! starbucks.

43. Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? i feel like i’ve never done this before lol.

44. When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? ugh idk never.

45. Do you trust your instincts a lot? yes.

46. Tell us the worst pun you can think of. i’d tell you but it’s not very punny.

47. What food do you think should be banned from the universe? none.

48. What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today? dogs. haha no, i love dogs now.

49. Do you like buying CDs and records? What was the last one you bought? i don’t buy them anymore. i don’t even remember the last cd i got.

50. What’s an odd thing you collect? nothing weird.

51. Think of a person. What song do you associate with them? marc, get buck. so random.

52. What are your favourite memes of the year so far? haha idk. i like memes but not as much as everyone else on my facebook feed.

53. Have you ever watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Heathers? Beetlejuice? Pulp Fiction? What do you think of them? none.

54. Who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? omg this girl at work last night. no customer service whatsoever. i hope i don’t look like that.

55. What’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? idk lol.

56. What are some things you find endearing in people? just their dorkiness.

57. Go listen to Bohemian Rhapsody. How did it make you feel? Did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i didn’t listen to it. but i do enjoy that song.

58. Who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why? this is incredibly fitting. sara is the wine mom 100%, and irene is the vodka aunt, she’s even russian ffs hahaha.

59. What’s your favourite myth? unicorns lol.

60. Do you like poetry? What are some of your favourites? no. the only time i ever read poetry was in school.

61. What’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? The stupidest one you’ve ever received? idk lol. there’s been plenty both ways.

62. Do you drink juice in the morning? Which kind? nope.

63. Are you fussy about your books and music? Do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be? not fussy at all. i used to be when i was younger. my itunes library would have all correct details and i managed to cut the genres down to under 10. now i don’t care. my books are everywhere too.

64. What colour is the sky where you are right now? black.

65. Is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? yes.

66. What would your ideal flower crown look like? white, pink and purple.

67. How do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i love staying inside during those days.

68. What’s winter like where you live? it’s nice during the day and freezing at night.

69. What are your favourite board games? cranium. its an everything boardgame lol.

70. Have you ever used a ouija board? no.

71. What’s your favourite kind of tea? honeydew milk tea with pearls.

72. Are you a person that needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? no.

73. What are some of your worst habits? i get annoyed easily. i also have no patience.

74. Describe a good friend of yours without using their name of gendered pronouns. i am theirs and they are mine.

75. Tell us about your pets! he’s my first and probably last pet dog, sky. he’s sooooo cute and super old but he still has the spirit of a puppy. physically you can see signs of old age in him but i hope he’s okay.

76. Is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? nope.

77. Pink or yellow lemonade? neither. they’re too sour.

78. Are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither?

79. What’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? organized a present for me overseas. lol.

80. What colour are your bedroom walls? Did you choose that colour? If so, why? turquoise and light grey.

81. Describe one of your friends’ eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. striking.

82. Are/were you good in school? yeah i was good i guess.

83. What’s some of your favourite album art? all of rihanna’s shit.

84.  Are you planning on getting tattoos? Which ones? nope.

85. Do you read comics? What are your favourites? nope.

86. Do you like concept albums? Which ones? is lemonade one?

87. What are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? sound of music.

88. Are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? modern shit. cubism, futurism, surrealism, pop art.

89. Are you close to your parents? fairly close, yes.

90. Talk about one of your favourite cities. san francisco is a dream. it’s the first city my boyfriend and i ever went to overseas. i love it so much, i want to go back.

91. Where do you plan on travelling this year? this year nowhere, only coz i’ve traveled twice this year already.

92. Are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends on the pasta and the cheese.

93. What’s the hairstyle you wear the most? ponytail.

94. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my boyfriend’s dad.

95. What are your plans for this weekend? no ideaaaa.

96. Do you install your computer updates really quickly, or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate, duh.

97. Myer Briggs type, Zodiac sign, and Hogwarts house? i forgot, sagittarius, ravenclaw.

98. When’s the last time you went hiking? Did you enjoy it? probably diamond head lmao. i hated it but the view up top was amazing.

99. List some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. noo.

100. If you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go five years into the past, the other five years into the future, which one would you press? Why? errr neither. i guess i’d lean towards going back though. i don’t wna miss all the things the next five years could bring me.

[cuddlingsun]

hello @ciaoloueh​ (or her phansona, danielbear) has tagged me to do this thingy and it’s long bUT THATS FINE BECAUSE I FIXED IT SO NOW I CAN MENTION PEOPLE AND DO A READ MORE AND LIFE IS BEAUTIFU

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: water! I tried to drink some after waking up (and another sip just now) because who knows if I drink enough it might be a step to being healthier

2. Phone call: my mom, who called to ask what kind of math my brother has

3. Text message: cbs™ got a very excited text about how i can mention people now, it’s truly revolutionary 

4. Song you listened to: green light by lorde i think

5. Time you cried: i remember crying in my dream last night but can’t remember the actual time sorry

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: well I think so, but like it wasn’t officially diagnosed and all, do feel tons better rn even if it isn’t all that amazing yet

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. dark red

13. dark blue

14. the purple/olive green/brown aesthetic that hana gave me lmao

I JUST LOVE A LOT OF THINGS OKAY FIGHT ME

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes! though the real life ones aren’t proper friends but the online ones are I guess :D

16. Fallen out of love: sort of??? maybe it was before this past year so idk let’s say no so I feel better about it

17. Laughed until you cried: i’d sure hope so

18. Found out someone was talking about you: ha yes but not that i care too much about it, trying to not have any contact with those people anyway

19. Met someone who changed you: not sure, don’t think so

20. Found out who your true friends are: sort of? i kind of decided to not try too hard for people that don’t try for me? like there’s a difference between being scared to start conversations and just generally not caring abt me as a person u know

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’m going to count it hold up -- 44 out of the 51 

23. Do you have any pets: sadly no

24. Do you want to change your name: sort of did but not anymore? i like to use bus because it’s easy and a nickname but i can live with my name i guess (though maybe change the official spelling lmao)

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i had some friends over and had a chilled out get together (and my mom had cooked dinner) which was nice I guess (also two of my friends got me a book which nearly made me cry but all right)

26. What time did you wake up: around nine I think? woke up around 6.25 then around 8.06 and then somewhere before 9.30 (i’m being specific if u care to read this far you won’t mind anyway)

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep by daydreaming 

28. Name something you cannot wait for: I cannot wait for a bunch of things but myself aside i can’t wait for one direction to come back?? which sounds selfish i mean i love their solo careers but boys i miss u 

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: last night when she had made some tea but it was too sour for me and then i went to bed (i just went downstairs and saw her again, if that makes u happier)

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: we can’t get into this now fully, but i feel like having tons of money could make a big change to my current situation

31. What are you listening to right now: nothing tbh (also changed to green light when i came back, i was halfway through)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lmao yes he helped teach maths at uni which was cool i guess

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me but also in general the state of the world, but also me a lot

34. Most visited website: tumblr probably lmao 

35. Elementary: was cool I guess, i had a real good year and then it was shitty again but overall could have been worse

36. High School: wasn’t the best, could’ve been worse. i don’t really feel any type of Big Feelings towards any of these

37. College/university: sadly didn’t finish the one thing, so next year i’m starting law? (wish me luck tbh) and afterwards i want to genuinely study physics/chemistry at some point again but who knows if it will happen and when 38. Hair colour: brown

39. Long or short hair: short, but it’s been growing quite a lot

40. Do you have a crush on someone: not that i know of and boy is it good i love it finally time to focus on MYSELF am i rite ladies

41. What do you like about yourself: my mind mostly, physically i don’t LIKE anything but i’m not in full hatred either so there’s that 

42. Piercings: i had my ears pierced but i don’t wear jewelry so 

43. Blood type: i believe O but i’m not sure and don’t know the positive/negative thingy

44. Nickname: lmao hana literally referred to me as bus here so that, don’t really have any others?? bush but i don’t really like that one so

45. Relationship status: single and v v v v happy with that

46. Zodiac sign: libra

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: brooklyn nine-nine, merlin, elementary (and well doctor who, victoria and dirk gently too) (also liked selfie?? and atlantis, galavant, agent carter)

49. Tattoos: none  50. Right or left hand: right (though i want to learn writing with both hands tbh)

FIRST… 51. Surgery: i think they did something with my ears when i was really really young so I don’t even remember it (and i’m scared of surgery so let’s keep it this way)

52. Piercing: the one but also none u feel 

54. Sport: i did ballet which i loved but then i had to stop or go on with people who were like two or three years older than me and were way better so i quit

55. Vacation: i mean i went to turkey every year even as a tiny baby i think so that probably? 

56. Pair of trainers:  i was a tiny child, how should i remember this

57. Eating: ah okay not first so um had a tiny bit of chocolate but still deciding on breakfast 

58. Drinking: the water is still there, i’ll take a sip now

59. I’m about to: figure out what to read whilst i hide from the cleaning lady for three hours (and probably eat something first) 

60. Listening to: currently it’s royals also by lorde 

61. Waiting for: a simple thing rn because we’re not that deep yet: a burst of motivation to go shopping tonight with my sister and her friend

62. Want: general Big Life Things, but also just books??? i fucking love books NO FUCK I WANT TIME LOTS OF TIME SO I CAN DO EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO

63. Get married: not planning to but who knows life is weird

64. Career: okay look the most ideal one would be a scientist and an author but we all know studying law won’t get me there so we’re still figuring it out, but scientist and author??? especially scientist??? id die for that man

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: currently feeling a good hugs (woah, we would never have guessed tumblr user cuddlingsun)

66. Lips or eyes: eyes i guess?? 

67. Shorter or taller: taller??? look I don’t Know these things 

68. Older or younger: probably older??? but also like younger is fine??? idk

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I DON’T KNOW EITHER HANA whichever one that person wants??? like i’m not very specific on these things

71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive I guess but like hana said, you could be both

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship lmao what would i get out of a hookup except for years of pining

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, but also a teeny bit mischievous otherwise i’d get bored  --------- keeping hana’s answer here

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: nope

75. Drank hard liquor?: nope

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: i lost a lens once when i slept with them in accidently, but later found it on my pillow (i think) which was quite odd

77. Turned someone down: HA if we’re HONEST yes but like,,, i was twelve,,, he was weird,,, let’s forget it ever happened 

78. Sex on first date: um no -- hana catching my feelings perfectly

79. Broken someone’s heart: well that would be a maybe but i hope not lmao

80. Had your heart broken: L M A O yes way too easily

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: yes, though it usually takes other people crying for me to Get There

83. Fallen for a friend: yes? no? idk what came first but honestly i’d like to have it be a friend rather than a stranger lmao

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: in all honesty no, but i’m trying to

85. Miracles: yes, in a way

86. Love at first sight: sort of?? like not love exactly but a feeling that turns into actual love yeah that’s possible i guess 

87. Santa Claus: nope, but i dont remember if i ever believed in him to begin with so i should ask me mum probably

88. Kiss on the first date: idk??? 

89. Angels: yeah i mean yeah with the religion thing and stuff i guess that’s a yes 

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: honestly idk like i have many best friends and i don’t really have a solid best friend anymore but that’s fine because i lov so many people anyway

91. Eye colour: also brown

92. Favourite movie: don’t??? but all righty some time ago i’d have said spongebob the movie so that, hidden figures, prisoner of azkaban, dead poets society, brave (also pride and prejudice & austenland probably)

i tag @bothhappy--andsad because she usually wants to do these kinds of tags and if they want to: @ryanperch @floralaesthetlc @klainederful cus u guys are super cool and i wanna know if you care to do it (and anyone else that wants to do it can say i tagged them cus i wanna READ)

[kaaramel]

a long and very disjointed list of webber HCs in no particular order

i don’t necessarily think this is all Untouchably True Game Canon but when i write about webber or play them in RP servers consider these.. my guidelines??? i don’t know it’s all pretty nebulous

wild spiders:

Eusocial - warriors and workers (the default black kind) are non-reproducing; queens develop from workers who are exposed to high concentrations of magic/nightmare fuel (provided in the wild by dark petals and primitive, instinctive ritual). I don't have a specific headcanon re: sexual reproduction namely Where the Males Are At - I could come up with something elaborate about much smaller males who never leave the dens or possibly do the anglerfish thing but if it's my call I'd like to take the path of least resistance and call it parthenogenesis

i made up the thing about nightmare fuel just now while i was writing but i'm into it - i say it because it follows from webber's triumphant appearance, assuming it’s the result of high exposure to nightmare energy, if we interpret the growing claws and the narrowed eyes as the beginnings of a queen-transformation (and i do)

all nests contain a primary queen at their base and center protected by swaths of webbing, laying eggs continually, & being defended by her children. a tier 2 nest contains a queen and one developing heir, who will take over the nest when the primary queen emerges, carrying the tier 3 nest's final and youngest queen on her back as she wanders looking for a place to establish a new colony.

the queen's use of dark magic allows her to grow to her full size and strength, & telepathically direct her colony; her strong insanity aura vs. players is partially a side effect of this magical nature

depth dwellers and cave spiders have queens too, but they confine themselves to the cave ceiling/underground respectively, so you'll never meet 'em 

all castes are venomous but the venom has little to no effect on anything as big as a human, & doesn't linger. it has antibacterial effects when extracted and treated properly, hence the use as a base for healing salve

spiders have good night vision but are pretty miserable at color, & have an excellent sense of smell but hear mostly through vibration

their eyes faintly reflect ambient light like a cat's 

 spiders groom each other communally within the den and share food among the colony members

webber-specific anatomy:

after the resurrection event (character unlock - and by the by, should we establish who found and buried webber's skull in FFverse? did that happen?) their respective anatomies were reshuffled and merged into a single more-or-less coherent organism

one uninterrupted digestive tract; two hearts; one set of lungs; two brains but probably somehow interwoven nervous system. uhh, my house my rules, I'm gonna say the spiderbrain has ended up more as like.. a knot of ganglia running along the spine? (this is my retroactive justification for writing a fic where a blow to the head only knocked out the child and left the spider piloting the body solo)

their blood and muscle tissue is redder than a spider's and purple-er than a human's; the human skeleton is all present and anchoring standard-issue muscles and everything, but their outer skin is pretty tough and more or less exoskeletal..? we'll gloss right over how that one works for spiders i guess, magic kinda bones the square-cube law 

the spider's nightvision is gone but colorvision has sharpened; they can tolerate bright sunlight where the spider couldn't before, and they see better in twilight than the human could, but are totally blind in the dark like any other player.. i think maybe spider vision would track strongly to movement, but not have clear focus on small things? 

the spider-legs have very rudimentary digits at their tips and can hold things, although not as well or with as much strength as the main arms. webber can also get down and crawl on all eights but it's awkward for long distances. mostly in practice the extra limbs end up being used to gesture 

raised and spread out wide: threat display. tucked close: fear/submission. up/down position corresponds roughly to mood and energy (held high when happy and sagging when unhappy). they use some recognizable human gestures as well: pointing, waving, covering their eyes, etc. 

webber isn't very good at judging whether they've eaten the right amount, and will put basically anything in their mouth if it seems edible; they're pretty much constantly low-key hungry (standard for spiders - their next meal is wildly uncertain so they're fully prepared to scavenge at any moment) and simultaneously have a sensation of fullness without getting anything from it (the last lingering echo of "i, the spider, just ate a huge meal and it's not digesting properly at all," even though their internals have rearranged since)

their fur is stiff and bristly, & can stand on end or relax; lacking denmates they mostly groom themselves (combing claws through it) which means they are probably a bit grubby and matted in the hard-to-reach places 

they have two tongues i swear to god you'll pry their use of "tongues" plural, in one shipwrecked line, out of my cold dead hands. this one’s real true canon that i could not possibly have made up and you’ll never take it away

they get pretty miserable in the heat, considering jet-black fur and all. mostly they have to resort to panting; the only sweat glands left to them are in places where the fur is thinner, mostly along the soles of their feet and palms of their hands 

 on the flipside of course, their fur isn't actually much insulation against the cold.. got them coming and going 

they've tried before to file down the small, sharp claws on their fingertips against rocks, etc. and it never takes for longer than a single night; their blunted claws are back to how they were by the next morning. they've pretty much resigned themselves to having them and are able to be careful with fragile objects and hold hands and everything, it just takes some effort 

they are able to communicate between themselves directly mind-to-mind but it was disorienting for a long time since one's mode of thought was very verbal and the other's very much based on images and emotions; it clarifies things to say them out loud and they do talk under their breath to each other, although not usually when other people are around unless their sanity's slipping 

related: yes, the spider has learned to understand & use language, pretty competently. it likes playing with all the new sounds their mouth can make, and with rhyming words ("vroom vroom mushroom" and similar) 

when their sanity drops it causes friction between the two halves, who are usually much more in sync - their perceptions of the world around them start diverging and it's a lot of strain to simultaneously see a shadow creature and not see it, or maybe see it a few feet to the left instead, etc etc 

oh, also, one hideously specific thing: webber can see dark swords as, simultaneously, the sword and the simple stick of wood it's built around, and they find the double-vision sensation deeply unsettling

in general their sensitivity to magic is heightened beyond a normal human's - the spider is native to the islands and sensitized to these kinds of energies - but that mostly just means extra headaches and unpleasantness 

uhh, they probably molt once in awhile, sure, my city - not often tho - their instinct is to go somewhere safe so they mostly go off on their own to do it, and the old exuvia crumbles into dust almost immediately. they're a little more soft and sensitive for a short period of time afterward and probably steal the opportunity to discreetly touch as many textures as they can before the new exoskeleton hardens up, because the rest of the time, all sensations are dreadfully dulled from what the human was once used to 

they get mildly cramped and achy during the few days leading up to a molt, although a sense of being just a little too big for their rigid skin is never super far away 

if they're jonesin' to feel textures at a time when they haven't recently molted, they lick things/put small objects in their mouth, ain't nothing wrong with the sensation coming from their tongue(s)

human family: i don't have a lot of original thoughts on this matter, tbh, i just have my interpretations of stuff hinted at in the script, but you can have 'em

his father kept goats 

he remembers his mother cooking, sewing, & gardening; he probably helped around the house with at least basic tasks of that sort; he remembers some of her advice/sayings although some of it has gone kinda vague in his memory (same with grandpa: "you live in what you eat," are you Sure kiddo)

imo he seems like he was closer to his mom than his dad (mom is almost always "mum" and dad is always "Father," for one thing) 

only child, no siblings 

visited his grandfather reasonably often for fishing trips, chess lessons that he doesn't remember very well, bothering grandpa's cat Whiskers 

imo: liked the outdoors but wasn't super athletic - he says he wasn't good at football. was probably always kinda short and scrawny even before growth was permanently stunted by being trapped inside a monster, but is at least a tough little nugget now 

really liked superhero comics 

i don't have a location more specific than "rural-ish england????" for where he comes from 

mm.. i don’t know under what specific circumstances webber was brought to DSworld and again i hesitate to speculate, but if you make me pick a narrative i'll pick this one: just as people are occasionally drawn into Their world from the mundane world, things very rarely slip through going the other way, and a monstrous, magical spider from the islands managed to cross over. maybe a queen that wasn't fully/properly developed..? in order to be the correct size to swallow a lost/wandering child whole.. 

i figure webber's "indigestible" status is roughly analogous to how willow is impervious to fire, just, a way more specific and unpleasant circumstance, but nevertheless he survived in there much longer than he should've; the spider was pretty distressed over its inability to actually complete this weird meal and maybe the gradual establishment of a very rudimentary telepathic contact; maxwell offered carefully nonspecific help to the pair of them (somehow. broken-down radio in a junkyard?) and returned/brought the spider/child to the island dimension 

behavior: 

polite and respectful child. was probably always a pretty polite kid, and the spider understands hierarchy and respect from a rigidly eusocial organism's perspective, but it's also to a certain extent a really deliberate choice, namely "if we are meek and emphasize having human good manners then we are less likely to be feared or thrown out for being a monster"

yes, they are worried about this. they hear how enthusiastically the others rag on and murder mundane spiders

basically they consider themselves low in the hierarchy of this loosely-organized human den and aren't super great at refusing orders they’ll just ask what needs done and do it without complaint 

particular respect for the authority/knowledge/power of women 

intensely loyal to their friends 

you are all their friends 

even you WX

once they're sure that someone will tolerate it and not freak about.. Giant Spider, they like to be physically affectionate with friends.. they'll comb claws through people's hair, or just hug and cuddle 

bad, bad dreams. could you possibly blame them in even the slightest 

eating/being eaten and the lines blurring between those two states is a big one. being lost and trying to call for help but not being able to form the words. the child's parents not recognizing him. the dark 

they are a staunch lil optimist and willing to believe the best of everyone 

they like having something to do with their hands or fidget with or chew on

seeing the adults argue and fight among themselves is stressful and frightening 

their response to stressful and frightening things is to run off solo for a little while and hang underground or with a spider nest until it sounds like things have cooled off

that’s all i can think of at the moment and if you read through all of that i’m in awe