#because you have to counter So Much of her skillset

[crowshoots]

i'm struggling with exactly how to put this into words but i feel like whenever people engage with jesper, especially in a gang or criminal setting, one of the things they probably almost always have to look out for is the fact that jesper is so easily willing to reach for her gun. she has no qualms with putting it into action or using it as a threat. she uses her actively loaded and live gun to gesture and point to people sometimes. you always have to navigate or have counter measures for jesper because you know that she can do a lot of damage and a lot of damage fast.

[celaenaeiln]

what do you think about the theory that the dumbification of steph and dick is (occasionally) rooted in ableism?

ok I don't know much about this theory but in the end I don't think the dumbification of these characters have anything to do with ableism. If they were written dumb, it was written that way on purpose as a stand alone.

So let's start with Steph.

There's this overall impression that Stephanie is the dumbest of the bat group and that's really not fair for three reasons. 1 - Her character was handled poorly in the batgirl comic, 2 - Stephanie's debut isn't hers, and 3 - she's unique from the rest.

1 - Her character was handled poorly.

What I mean by this is in her Batgirl comic, the intention of her writer was to purposefully make her dumb.

The very first page, her introduction as Batgirl is this -

Batgirl (2009) Issue #1

Her very opening is Dick noticing she's not as good as Cass through her skill level and then Stephanie being like "Yup! That's me! I'm a nobody and can't do anything!" That's her introduction. And throughout the rest of the comic, she'll just continue putting herself down as someone who isn't capable or exceptional. This is exactly how Roy acts in Red Hood and the Outlaws. He puts himself down, is ashamed and disgusted by himself, and thinks of himself as a failure which is a HUGE mischaracterization by Scott Lobdell because he wanted to boost Jason's character by putting down Roy's. Which is exactly what's happening here. The authors are trying to boost Barbara and somewhat Cassandra's skillset by putting down Stehanie and making it out like she's some kind of massive failure and Barbara is her saving grace without whom she would be pathetic and die a second time.

2 - Stephanie's Batgirl comic wasn't written for her, it was written for Barbara.

The entire time of Steph's defining "who am I and what can I do?" comic that every single character goes through is just a cover up to talk about how good at her work Barbara is. Instead of getting to see the ingenuity, the determination, and the skills Stephanie learned on her own, under Batman, and from her death, the entire time it's just Barbara dictating Stephanie's actions which further leads to the dumbification of her character because the comic begins with Barbara talking about how pathetic and dumb stephanie is-

Batgirl (2009) Issue #2

And it continues with her being in charge the whole time, Stephanie learning nothing, never acting independently, and always being under Barbara's shadow.

Batgirl (2009) Issue #3

So from the beginning to the end, what has changed? How has Steph grown as a person and skill-wise? She's done nothing.

They did Steph so dirty in this comic -

Batgirl (2009) Issue #4

You're telling me someone who was grappling before they even met Batman is fumbling over a safe save??? This comic feels like a Tom Taylorized version of Batgirl.

And this is what happens when they have her act independently, without Barbara's orders -

Batgirl (2009) Issue #5

They refuse to let her even be good at school

Batgirl (2009) Issue #15

And even the one case she does get to solve near the end without Barbara's interference, they only let her do it with the help of another female senior vigilante.

But mainly the dumbification of Stephanie comes from making Barbara look good. And people can say, "She's older, she knows better which is why she's in charge" but I counter with Tim and Bruce's dynamic or Dick and Bruce or Tim and Dick. Just because a partner is younger doesn't mean they're incapable. Writing Stephanie this way was a choice and since this was supposed to be her comic, this characterization for her is what stuck leading to the dumbificaton issue.

Convergence Batgirl Issue #1

They won't give her a freaking break.

3 - Stephanie is different from the rest of the Robins and Cass

Stephanie started off her vigilante career by herself, unlike the rest. Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, and Damian all had mentors that raised them in some way shape or form at the beginning but Stephanie literally created her own costume, snuck out, and learned crime fighting by herself. She's like Helena, Bruce, and Barbara and I firmly believe if Bruce had treated her as Robin, genuinely taken her in, she wouldn't have died in the altercation with Black Mask.

But I think it's because of this element and the fact that times have changed, this ingenuity and self-growth is seen as unfeasible which leads to the dumbification of her character. As if she's unable to fight and think for herself without leading to her detriment.

Convergence Batgirl Issue #1

They seriously classified all her hard, independent work as Spoiler into "being young and silly." I can't-

In summary of Steph, I don't believe dumbification has to do with ableism. Stephanie's written that way because the writers don't know how to write her and they don't care enough.

Dick

I don't think the dumbification thing with Dick is anywhere near as bad as it is with Steph. But whereas Stephanie doesn't a single post-og spoiler comic where she's seen as good until the very recent Batgirls comic run and tie ins, Dick has numerous comics where he's pointed out to be amazing or good.

Steph says it

Convergence Batgirl Issue #1

Tim says it

Robin (1993) Issue #32

Bruce, Helena, Damian, and various other heroes to summarize.

However same issue with the stephanie batgirl comic and dick - both characters are dumbed down to highlight Barbara's intelligence. Not even touching Tom Taylor's run, Dick's really only dumbed down when he's paired up with Barbara.

Batgirl (2011) Issue #3

There's no way he can't fight his way out, use a grapple or a device, manipulate someone, or at the very least have an escape plan.

Convergence Nightwing/Oracle Issue #1

He's the leader of the Titans, the Outsiders, been Batman, soloed, been Robin, and he teaches heroes on tactics, strategies, and fighting skills. But she won't even give him the decency of hearing out his plan because she's so incredibly smart that she doesn’t need to listen to anyone but herself.

No, I don't believe Steph and Dick's dumbification is related to ableism but there are other factors that play into it.

[questforgalas]

Sibling moments in the Bad Batch that live rent free in my head

S1E11 "Devil's Deal" and S1E12 "Rescue on Ryloth"

The batch are literally in Devil's Deal for 2 minutes so we be doing a joint watch babes. Special recognition to the introduction of the greatest hair in the GAR, Captain Howzer, and a lot of screen time for my favorite babes who I wish would stop committing war crimes for the Empire

Devil's Deal

Nothing says family bonding like black market weapon runs

"Tech won't let me train until I can recite all the ship's specifications from memory" IS THE MOST SIBLING THING TO EVER SIBLING LIKE NO YOU CAN'T PLAY WITH MY TOY UNTIL YOU CAN TELL ME EVERY FACT ABOUT IT GOOD LUCK IT'S GOING TO TAKE YOU YEARS

You can't tell me Omega doesn't know all the things she's showing Hera because she's 10000% sat in the copilot chair while Tech flew and asked "what's this? and what's this? and what's this?" repeatedly for days and it was probably the best days of Tech's life

"Did you know flying's about a feeling?" and Tech's immediately concerned "What feeling?" while giving concerned eyes at Hunter

Rescue on Ryloth angsty siblings 👏 angsty siblings 👏 angsty siblings 👏

Crosshair babe please stop hunting down children

Hunter's immediate appearance as soon as he hears sparks and a mini explosion happening

Gonky is the best side character of TBB

"You gave her our comm channel?" oh no big bro is exasperated

Hunter getting absolutely owned by the optimism and rose colored glasses of a pre-teen girl

His face is so "god dam it I'm really proud of you right now but I also wish you'd take a break for just one second"

Tech and Wrecker glance Tech and Wrecker glance

After Hera says "I don't have anyone else to ask", Echo mirrors Omega's same facial expressions and head movements behind her, the little empathetic babes

The grumbles after Omega points out Crosshair's there 😂😂

Here's why I'm putting that as a sibling moment - we've seen this squad face down entire cities worth of troopers at this point (Raxus was just 2 episodes ago, and we've seen them take on 3 ships worth of clones too) without even batting an eye. But one sighting of Crosshair and they're all grumbling and that's what throws them in the "we can't pull this off mentality" and I interpret that as coming from the continuing theme of the Batch being so proud of each other's skills and enhancements, they're so in awe of each other, and the only thing that could ever give them a challenge is one of them. He may be their enemy right now, but they still believe in Crosshair's skillset so much that just him makes them decide to abandon the mission

Wrecker's smile at Echo when Hunter drops down on the probe droid

Crosshair seeing a from-above POV scan of the Batch and knowing exactly where they would've been staking out

"She's trying to save her family, Hunter. I'd do the same for you" BOOM OMEGA COMING IN WITH THE FAMILY FEELS ARROW RIGHT IN THE CHEST

Oh no, this one really hurts after season 2

"We have a battalion of troopers right outside." immediately countered by Crosshair's "That's not enough!" emphasized so much he's jabbing his finger into Rampart's desk. They may be enemies but god these bros are all up in the proud feels

Shout out to Howzer for standing down immediately when Crosshair started glaring at him. Smart guy knows a battle he won't win

"Because he's my brother." this is such a cute Omega episode

Omega's coaching Hera about coming up with a plan is 100% Hunter teachings

"Wh-that was my plan!" sibling 101: never let them have credit

Wrecker and Echo glance Wrecker and Echo glance

the surprised "Really?"s when Hunter gives the ok on the plan like they can't believe their hairbrained scheme actually worked on big bro

Tech's fun smirk when Omega says "Do some damage Wrecker" and Wrecker starts laughing in the gunner seat

Crosshair figuring out the true plan like god dam it they were all so in synch I need a Bad Batch curing the clone wars show immediately I will literally fund it with the $10 in my bank account

The Hunter and Crosshair cut scene stares

Wrecker's high five with Omega on Ord Mantell 😂 he's so proud of his little war criminal sister

Nothing like sibling bonding via showing how to scramble a ship's signature

Tech and Wrecker's smiles at Omega they're so proud of her for making a friend

[janfraiser]

she begs him, he says he doesn’t understand

Because I was listening to History of Man by Maisie Peters and thinking about Elizabeth. This fic was written over the course of 2+ weeks in sporadic spurts on the bus, at my work desk, and on lunch breaks. My brain during a shift is fueled by adrenaline and redbull. This is either gonna be an absolute powerhouse of a fic or utterly unintelligible!! CW for unhealthy relationships and some verbal abuse

“Don’t go. Just… don’t.”

Elizabeth truly isn’t sure she’s heard Simon correctly. She turns from her to-do list on the kitchen counter to look at where he sits at the dining table, looking morose. “I’m sorry?”

“It’s Antarctica, Elizabeth,” Simon practically whines. “You’ve been there a year out of the last eighteen months already. I know, I know, the history and anthropology of whatever the fuck is there that you can’t tell me about is a scientific wet dream, but you have other skillsets. You could easily work just as hard on any of the other six inhabited continents… where I could follow you.”

Elizabeth snorts and shakes her head. “We tried that, remember Thailand? You got so tired of being called a westerner— which you are, it’s not an insult— and being treated as foreign that you left as soon as your teaching semester ended even though I still had three more months. I thought we agreed one of our priorities in this relationship was never to hold each other back.”

“Well, that was before you fucked off to live with the polar bears, wasn’t it?”

Elizabeth steps away from the counter, gaping at him in shock. She holds up a hand for a clarifying point, but Simon shakes his head. “No. Don’t say it.”

“Technically—“

“There are no polar bears in Antarctica, I know!”

“You’re thinking of penguins.”

“Why do you have to be right all the time?” Simon groans, shoving his hands through his hair. “Why is everything all about you? Your research, your expedition, you get everything you want, well what happened to my girlfriend?”

Elizabeth folds her arms with a frown, hoping he can’t see how much his words sting. That’s the thing about Simon, though, he almost certainly can— he always knows just what to say, and what she usually thinks of as a blessing is turning into a barbed weapon right now. “I’m still here—“ but she’s not. “I’m still yours, Simon, I still love you—“

“Bullshit!”

His shout is so loud and unexpected that Elizabeth jumps, retreating to the doorway back to the living room. “Jesus, Simon, you can’t talk to me like that.”

“Oh, fuck off, Elizabeth.” He sighs like he’s so tired, like she’s studying glyphs from ten thousand years ago just as an excuse to get away from him.

Her anger bubbles up, refusing to be trapped under the surface. “Fuck you. You’re being selfish and unreasonable.”

“There is no way I’m the selfish one here!”

Elizabeth is shaking, either from anger or from shock that Simon is actually speaking all this aloud, her Simon, who loves nothing more than the status quo. “If you try to give me an ultimatum,” she says slowly, “you’re not going to like the answer. So I would suggest perhaps we call it a night.”

He follows her as she turns to leave the room, one hand heavy against her back. “Come on, Lizzie, let’s not go to bed angry.”

Elizabeth grits her teeth to keep from snapping at him about the nickname. “Just give me some space, Simon.”

Six weeks later, everything has changed. But the last night before she’d left still rings in Elizabeth’s mind. They all have a week off, military and civilians alike. It feels like a luxury for most of them, sure, but facing weeks or months or even years without seeing Earth again, let alone their loved ones, it seems rather paltry.

Elizabeth sighs into her cup of coffee. “I think I’m going to miss Sedgewick the most. No offense, mother.”

Her mom laughs quietly. “I’m not offended, but I think a certain doctor might be.”

All the diplomatic muscle memory in the world couldn’t stop Elizabeth from frowning then. “I haven’t been to see him yet. I haven’t told him I’m going.”

Her mother raises both eyebrows in an incredibly familiar way. “You’re going somewhere I’ve probably never heard of, you hardly know when you’re coming back, and you haven’t even said goodbye?”

Elizabeth thinks wryly that she’s absolutely certain her mother hasn’t heard of her next posting. “I… don’t want him to ask me not to go.” The ghost of that confusion, humiliation, and anger sweeps through her mind once more.

“It sounds like you need to let him go, Elizabeth,” her mother responds, worry piercing her tone.

But in the end, all Elizabeth can spare the energy for is one meager message left on Simon’s answering machine. It contains more apologies than explanations, and a very thin promise that she’ll explain herself someday soon. Lying in the dark, with hardly twelve hours before the Atlantis expedition leaves, Elizabeth can’t help but laugh to herself, a harsh sound in the late night silence. Wrapped up with Stargate Command and the IOA… she’s never going to be able to explain anything again. Not with security clearances and matters of international security and being lightyears away from Earth.

The closer she gets to dreams she never thought would see the light of day, the further she gets from Simon.

Elizabeth closes her eyes in the futile hope that sleep will find her and decides that’s a sacrifice she can live with.

[miscfandomwrites]

Mama Chapter Twelve

A/N: Inbox is open! And please let me know if you want to be on the taglist for this series. 

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Mom! Avenger! Reader

Warnings:

Words: 1.4k

Tagging: @tyler-t0t

~~

“You’re joking!” Wanda exclaimed loudly enough for me to shush her and remind her that Lillith was taking a nap. 

She leaned closer to Natasha and yell-whispered : “Please tell me you at least got a photo of that!” 

Natasha just grinned and showed her the phone screen, which made Wanda gasp and grab it to show me. 

Apparently Bruce and Tony did something in the lab because both weren’t wearing shirts. And from what I could glimpse of the photo before Wanda whisked it away again, was that both of them were covered in a blue powder. 

“Do I want to know what happened?” I asked as I dumped another cup of flour into the bowl. 

“All I heard was yelling and then when I went to look, both of them stood apart from each other covered in it.” She replied. 

I hummed as I worked the yeast mixture in with the flour, and then returned the flour back into the cupboard. Getting the oil and salt from the same cupboard, I turned and quickly measured it into the bowl. I knew I had some work I wanted to get started on soon but with the meeting tonight and the fact that Clint wasn’t here and he asked specifically for me started my anxiety ramping. I had a feeling this was one of those missions that he was pulled aside by the team for and told that someone else would step in because it was too dangerous, and that he’s got a family, and since I’ve barely been on a handful of missions since I joined the Avengers (Due to time and Lillith) this would be a major one. 

That’s not to say that I was more replaceable than Clint was ; I understood the need for me to go on this mission despite my daughter. I was a supersoldier, and I’ve been through hell and back several times. It was a proven fact that I could survive things a normal human couldn’t. 

I remember one of the mission briefing folders I went over when I first joined. I had spent about a week gathering information beforehand on the team. One of the files I pulled was about what was priority if a mission went south really quickly. The main goal was for everyone to walk out alive, but in this case it was Sam and Clint first, because both didn’t have a full metal suit protecting them all the time and weren’t wearing decent armour due to their skillsets. So those two would be first, then it would be Tony and Wanda. Tony because despite the tin man’s suit, he was still a regular human. And a slightly old one at that. Wanda because she was deemed the best ‘asset’ to shield, with her set of...abilities. Then it would be us, the soldiers, then Hulk and Thor. 

Honestly the reports and such on how the missions were supposed to be conducted were pretty smart, and would be extremely effective if anyone actually paid any attention to them. 

I mixed in the ingredients and shook out some flour from a bowl onto the countertop. God, I love having a kitchen island. Bread is so much easier to make. I dumped the bread mix onto the counter and put the bowl in the sink, and started the process of kneading the dough until it was a soft, squishy ball. 

Wanda and Natasha discussed what exactly happened in the lab, and if Stark and Banner might be trying to hide something from the rest of the team, and I turned my focus inwards, trying to remember the list of tasks I needed to finish for this job. 

They wanted it color coded and be able to run the site the same on mobile as on computers, as well as the possibility of an app. Man, an app would take awhile to make. How much are they paying me again? If it’s not over-

“Oh. Hi everyone!” Chirped a slightly sleepy voice from the right of me. I turned my head to see Lillith, a blanket around her shoulders and hugging her wolf close to her chest. I smiled at the site of her blearly rubbing her eyes before checking the clock on the far wall. She’d slept for almost two hours. 

“Hey, babydoll.” I said as she came up and peered over the counter to see what I was doing. 

“Bread!” She exclaimed, jumping up and down.

I laughed, “Yes, bread.” I said as I slapped it down again and started folding it into a ball.

“Hey Lillith, you wanna watch some movies?” Wanda asked her.  She nodded and followed her into the living room as I put the ball into a greased bowl and covered it with a damp towel. 

Natasha was still on her phone as I cleaned up the counter and washed my hands, and then as I switched laundry. 

I moved to my working area near the bay windows and set a cup of coffee down and booted up the system, as I stretched and glanced at the clock. 

Better get going. 

~~

The next few hours were busy, and ended with me getting up to get another cup of coffee only to learn that there wasn’t any more. And it was almost seven. Wanda had made some dinner and Lillith was watching a disney movie with her on the couch, and Natasha was on her laptop-When she went and got it was beyond me-at the kitchen counter. 

I put my hair up and washed my hands, then took preheated the oven and floured the table.

“Mind if I ask what you’re working on?” I asked her as I shook the dough out of the bowl. She looked up at me and raised an eyebrow,

“Honestly nothing much. Mostly just research for tonight’s meeting.” She replied as she sipped her water.

“Should I be worried about it?” I asked her. 

She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. Our last mission scratched the surface of a bigger Hydra hole, and from the look of it, it’s gonna take several outings to exterminate them all.” 

“Damn. That bad?” 

“Unfortunately, yeah.” She replied. 

I shook my head and started to work the dough. Finally getting it to the consistency I needed, I greased and floured a bread pan and dropped the dough in it. The beep from the oven told me it was ready to be put in, and I set the time for twenty five minutes. I cleaned up the counter and did dishes, then went and switched some laundry and busied myself until it went off again. 

Finally the timer went off and I took it out of the oven and turned it off, and let it cool off before I transferred it to a cutting board. 

I washed up in the meantime and setup another movie for Lillith. Kissing her forehead, I left with the girls to head to the meeting.

~~

“In English, please.” I told Steve as he finished his story about the previous mission. 

“Basically we uncovered a long-term operation by Hydra. We thought it wouldn’t take much but it got to the point where we had to retreat because of how overwhelmed we were getting. And now we need to go back to finish the job, if they haven’t moved on yet. That, and the fact that we know there are two secondary locations we will need to ‘visit’ later.” Bucky summarized.

“And my role in this is..?” I asked. 

“You’re taking my place.” Clint said. He was on call with us, and I could faintly here the kids in the background.

“How bad are we talking?” I asked him.

“Angel of Death bad.” He told me. 

I took a deep breath and steeled myself, letting the process of my instincts take over. 

“Okay.” I replied.

“Angel of Death?” Bruce asked.

“Back when I was in the Marines, my callsign was ‘Angel of Death’. When I was put onto my…special squadron the name carried over. It’s one of the reasons why Fury asked me to join.” I told him.

“Are we talking like my bad, or how bad does it get?” Bucky asked. 

I looked to him. “If I switch into that headspace it’s going to be bad.” I answered. He nodded in response.

“Let’s go over the plans again. We’re leaving at four tomorrow morning.” Steve said.

[spiderfreedom]

i've heard an argument from some women like this: focusing on femininity as a way men oppress women is misguided, because men will make fun of and demean anything women as a group enjoy. as such, femininity isn't a 'thing', just a collection of things women have enjoyed at separate points

for example, riding horses used to be considered a very masculine hobby, associated with powerful animals and war. in the 1860s, women who liked horses were considered to have a 'masculine' hobby (source: 'Pistols and Petticoats: 175 Years of Lady Detectives in Fact and Fiction')

The heroine of Braddon's next book, Aurora Floyd (1862), was another unconventional woman, though one less violent than Lady Audley. Aurora Floyd is a beautiful, dark-haired young woman raised by her rich and adoring banker father after her mother's untimely death. As a child, she becomes fascinated with racehorses and dogs, interests that many see as unfeminine.

today interest in horses is seen as feminine and derided as 'barbie horse adventures' or 'crazy horse girl' stuff. women and girls beginning to like horses more was enough to get it branded 'bad' and 'feminine'

i think this is a good point, that a lot of things that women like are retroactively deemed 'feminine' and 'bad', even/especially when it was something men used to like

but i think this analysis obscures the fact that 'femininity' is something that's also taught to women, that historically was about pleasing men, being subservient, being sexually controlled in some manner, being reproductively controlled in some manner, and existing to serve other people (men, family, children). women didn't 'choose' to get into housemaking and childrearing and cosmetics in the same way they chose to get into horses. those were impositions that women later rationalized as choices and intrinsic interests. so women got really into beauty and makeup, housemaking, cooking, baby raising, to connect to other women, to make the best out of a bad situation. and so people who criticize the imposition of these things seem like a threat to them and their skillset. to use an analogy, they were painting the bars of their own prison to make their stay more pleasant, becoming experts in painting bars, teaching other women to paint bars, and then getting mad at people trying to break the bars

also, men like many 'feminine' things when performed by women. a lot of men prefer a woman who does beauty work, who does traditionally feminine tasks like sewing, who enjoys contemporary feminine hobbies like horseriding. so the idea that men 'hate' femininity is misguided - they definitely view it as something 'foreign' to them, but the reaction isn't always mockery. sometimes it's attraction. sometimes it's idealization, like "wow women are so civilized and so much better than us, look at how well they treat their horses 🥺"

but i do think there's a point to the original counter-analysis - 'femininity' is arbitrary and something you can always retroactively justify. if women decided to all get into ancient rome, then people would find ways to say that liking ancient rome is girlish, feminine, humanitarian, passive, dreamy, etc. and there would probably be a misguided analysis by a lost radical feminist about how women should stop paying attention to ancient rome because its girly and start paying attention to {insert other better interest here}. which misses the point of how arbitrary the 'feminine' label is!

maybe there's a difference between compulsory societal femininity - which governs domestic labor, beauty labor, reproductive labor, and sexual labor - and women having hobbies/interests which are retroactively branded 'feminine', like pumpkin spice lattes, horse riding, virtual pet games, poetry, biological sciences, etc. what do yall think?

[navigating-through-gray]

DSMP Christmas Story

Author’s Note: Merry Christmas @astronuke! Summary: In which Tommy adjusts to the existence of Christmas magic and also ghosts.

Tommy hadn’t thought much of working after hours on Christmas Eve.

As some bitch named ‘Annie’ will tell you it’s a hard-knock life for an orphan, and the best thing to do when you find yourself family-less for the holidays was to keep your head down and stay busy. He may as well spread some ‘cheer’ now via sugar and cinnamon, then take a nice long two week break after new years when the constant ads of happy families gathered ‘round a ten foot tree melted into the long gray slog to spring. The plan, as far as he was concerned, was perfectly logical and not a grinchly affront to all things red and green.

Apparently, Christmas disagreed. Because on that night, one snowy evening at 11:51, Tommy felt a flurry of snowflakes breeze over his back. He turned to the back door of the bakery and found it just as locked as he’d left it four hours before.  

“What the fuck?”

“Language.”

Tommy whirled forward and spotted a man at the cash register. Like, a glowing green one. He blinked, and tilted his head to try and puzzle out whatever trick that was.

“What the fuck? Who the fuck are you?!”

Tommy couldn��t see any lights on the guy. Just a creepy smiley-face mask and a whole lot of softly tinkling bells sewn into his ridiculous getup. How had he not heard those before?

“I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present, see the holly?” The man pointed to the small bush of spiked leaves and red berries on his head as if the plants proved he was something other than crazy.

“You’re breaking and entering is what you are, and you’d better keep your green-ass ugly mitts off my cookies!” Tommy’s voice rose to a yell as the stranger had the gal to pick up a Christmas tree from the display and begin eating it.

“Once again, watch the language kid. I could sign you up for one roller coaster of a night for lack of Christmas spirit if I wanted to.”

“Are you threatening me?!” Tommy continued to yell, who was this stranger to break into his bakery, steal the sweets and then admonish him for cussing him out? “I’ve got plenty of Christmas spirit! For your information I’m working my ass off so my boss can spend Christmas Eve with her family, you judgmental bastard.”

“I’ve seen your house.” The man in green prodded, “You don’t have a single decoration anywhere.”

“You’ve been to my house?!” Tommy brandished his frosting gun. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

The man raised an eyebrow. “I can see everyone’s houses. That’s my skillset. But I didn’t come in to rake you over the coals. You’re right about Niki, that was a really nice thing to do.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you think. Stay away from Niki and get out of my bakery!” Tommy jabbed his weapon threateningly, but the man looked thoroughly unimpressed.

“Congratulations Tommy. I think you’ve earned a Christmas Miracle.”

“How do you know my name?! Damn creepy smiley-faced bastard-” Tommy began to curse as the stranger reached out toward the candy men he’d been touching up. The register was several feet away from his work station but Tommy still shrieked as if they were in reach. “I said keep your hands off my cookies!”

A blinding flash of light and the sound of tinkling sleigh bells filled the whole store. Tommy fell backwards with a cry and crashed into the sprinkles cabinet, spilling all sorts of glittering sugar over the floor.

The bloody maniac had a flash bomb! He wailed in his head, I’m blind! I’m blind! I’m- Tommy blinked his eyes open and found the man was gone.

“Yeah, you better run!” He called, standing up and glancing around nervously. Was the creep really gone? He had no idea how the man had come in, nor how he’d left. A stalker was definitely not the Christmas gift he’d ordered for himself online. Tommy was about ready to label the whole affair as fodder for what was going to be the worst night of his life when he caught sight of movement on the counter he’d been working on.

The motions were small and the colors made it hard to make out what Tommy was looking at, at first. He didn’t particularly want to get closer when the weird green guy could still be lurking around, so he stayed put. On the table, he made out three distinct shapes. One of the shapes tripled in size as a pair of glittering white wings unfurled, and Tommy abruptly remembered the angel he’d been working on, which meant the other reds and blues… He forgot about the creep. The wing looked to be marshmallow but Tommy couldn’t make feathers like that. Each primary was as delicate as lace. The red coat on his toy soldier rippled like actual fabric and not the sugary wax he’d molded hours before. And Niki’s sugar spun soldier was holding his own semi-transparent, impossibly delicate blue fingers up to the ceiling light.

The tiny men acclimated to life far faster than Tommy did to their existence. When the angel waved at him and said hello he didn’t do a damn thing to pick his jaw up off of the floor. While he was preoccupied the angel gave up and flapped his wings experimentally, while the red soldier and blue soldier looked over edge of the table and discussed the drop. The blue soldier began shimmying down a table leg. After a moment the red soldier shook his head and jumped onto Tommy’s chair and then the ground in much faster fashion. All three were quite obviously coming for him.

With a squeak Tommy stepped backwards and hit the back door of the bakery, still staring at the candy brought to life. He did, however, finally find his voice.

“Who-- How-- What?” What. Yes, that was the word he was looking for. “What the hell? What the hell.”

The red soldier waved from the ground. “Yo, kid. Did we break your brain?”

“Yes.” Tommy replied fervently. “Are you alive?”

“Yep.”

“There’s no need to be alarmed,” the blue soldier pitched in as he reached the ground. “We have a perfectly reasonable explanation.”

“Oh. Really.”

“The green fellow, Dream,” the soldier waved his blue hand at the register, “Performed a Christmas miracle and brought us to life. It’s lovely to meet you, Tommy.”

“Oh. Is that all??” Tommy asked in a rather high voice, grappling with the idea. “So he can just. Bring shit to life. Just like that?” As he spoke the two soldiers reached his foot and Tommy eyed them suspiciously. “Did that creep create you to attack me? How do you know my name?”

The angel had finished adjusting to his wings and swooped into the air.

“Christmas magic.” He said simply, “And we don’t mean any harm. Dream is a spirit of Christmas, he can do just about anything.” The angel hovered and shrugged. “We wanted to help, and he did us a favor. Could you hold out your hands?”

Tommy complied, and the angel landed there. Tommy had to cup his hands as the angel steadied himself with tiny hands. “I’m Philza, and this is Technoblade and Wilbur.” Tommy stared down at him. Philza had been his first attempt at an angel yesterday, and the resulting white chocolate statue hadn’t been half bad. He’d carefully carved a flowing white robe and adorned the final product with pearl sprinkles and golden hair. The wings had been marshmallows carefully teased from a mold and attached with melted chocolate. Niki did the face, and they’d set the final product atop the Christmas tree in the right-side display.

To say Philza was that angel would be like comparing a rudolf plushie to a living, breathing, flying reindeer with a glowing red nose. Philza had hundreds of feathers, a mop of literally golden hair and a real, pearl-adorned white robe. And yet, somehow, it was all still candy.

After a moment Tommy registered he ought to say something. “I’m Tommy. TommyInnit.” Talking helped. He picked up steam, “Though you all already knew that, apparently.”

He knelt down carefully, to get a better look at Wilbur and Technoblade. “Are you all still made out of sugar? It’s just. Magic brought you to life?”

“Yep.” Technoblade offered, “Though even we can’t give you anything better than ‘Magic’ as to the how. Seems OP to me, but it benefits me so I’m not going to complain.”

“Certainly not.” Wilbur reached over and hooked his arm around Technoblade’s shoulder, “But now that we’ve established we are, in fact, alive I think it’s time to get to more important matters.” He looked up at Tommy in complete solemnity. “Tommy I have a question for you. The most important question I can ask.”

In his hand, Philza made a long suffering sigh. “Wilbur we just met the kid, and he’s clearly still taking all this in.”

“No!” Tommy cut in, “No, it’s okay. What do you have to ask me Wilbur?”

“Do you…” The blue soldier paused in utterly serious, dramatic fashion, “Have access to coffee?”

“Um. Yes. Yes I do?”

Wilbur nodded gravely, hope shining in his eyes. “And is that coffee… peppermint flavored?”

Tommy blanched. “No. But!” He immediately scrambled, “I can get you some! Walmart is, like, ALWAYS open-”

Wilbur cut him off with a cry. “YES! Oh dear god unflavored coffee.” The blue soldier spoke ‘unflavored’ like a prayer and threw himself forward to put a tiny hand on Tommy’s cupped fingers. “Take me to it, king, and I will be yours forever. I will tear down mountains and burn nations in your name.”

“Ok?”

Wilbur clambered onto his hand next to Phil and Technoblade followed suit, heaving himself up in a single graceful motion. Technoblade looked up. “So. Where to?”

---

Tommy carried them back to his apartment. The train ride home was nearly abandoned, though one guy pulled out his phone and began filming while Tommy walked to an empty car. The gingerbread men, as Tommy began to think of them, migrated to his shoulder when he needed to pull out his metro card and back to his hands once the train got moving. They spent the whole time talking.

Wilbur was the happiest throughout the walk to the station and did most of the talking. All three of them were apparently ghosts who’d died on Christmas, gaining them the tile of ‘Christmas ghosts’. Whatever that meant. When Tommy asked if that meant they were like Dream he got an overly complex answer that Technoblade succinctly boiled down to a ‘No’.

The after life was holiday themed and all three didn’t mind the crisp December wind and snow. Wilbur was the only one who had clear memories of life because Philza and Technoblade were old, thus the fixation on coffee.

Once they reached the platform, however, Wilbur visibly deflated. Technoblade, or just ‘Techno’  took up the conversation from there. He mostly asked Tommy about himself, and explained they’d only ever seen him at the bakery on Christmas eve.

“So you were watching me?” Tommy wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that.

“Not in a weird way,” Techno elaborated, “We only get one night to hang around and the shopping district always has cool displays. Seeing somebody making cookies is prime entertainment.”

“Well I am very entertaining.” Tommy said, puffing up. “But I can do way better stuff than making a bunch of Christmas cookies for Niki.”

“Oh yeah?” Techno hummed, “Like what?”

“Everything!”

Tommy went off on a tangent, describing movies, theme parks, soccer, and just about anything he deemed more exciting than baking.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love the bakery. But watching someone else make cookies for hours? Not what I’d watch on youtube.”

By then they had just about reached his apartment, back in the biting outdoor air. Tommy barely noticed, and was further distracted when Wilbur asked, “What’s youtube?”

---

It was the best Christmas Eve Tommy could ever remember. He’d had the pleasure of introducing three new friends to his favorite channels and videos, who had all appropriately lost their shit at just the concept of a computer. Apparently, the Christmas afterlife lacked most technology.

They’d talked and joked long into the night, until at some point Tommy had dozed off mid netflix exploration turned Avatar marathon.

When he woke up, he found a continue watching screen and three horribly familiar gingerbread men. Tommy jolted upright, staring down at the candy men he’d previously made still and unmoving on the table.

“No way.” Tommy rubbed his eyes and blinked down at them, an awful pit forming in his stomach. There was no way he’d just imagined it all, was there?

Possessed, he snatched up the red soldier and carefully turned it over, running a finger over the wax cloak with a frosted hem. Wilbur’s coat was sugar. Phil’s wings were marshmallows. All of it made by human hands.

“C-c’mon guys. Don’t fuck with me.” Tommy tried, after he carefully set each down. He was met with heavy silence. The pit deepened into a hole, and his heart fell into it.

Last night was real. It had to be. Tommy grabbed his laptop and began to search for videos. That guy on the train. He had to have posted whatever he filmed, right? It was useless. Tommy was met with an endless stream of candy videos and children’s advertising. Candy men, gingerbread men, videos made in the past 24 hrs got him nowhere. After an hour Tommy was just about ready to throw the bloody thing across the room when his phone began to ring, and let him know that if last night was the best night of his life today was going to be the worst.

He was in deep shit with Niki about their missing decorations. Tommy had straight up lied and said he dropped them, and spent the rest of the day making a new angel. The soldiers went unreplaced and left the nutcracker and rat king armies in the left-side display looking a bit sparse. Niki helped but he felt awful for cutting into her holiday. Unlike him, Niki had a family waiting for her at home.

The new angel looked comparable to the first but nothing like Phil. The marshmallow wings were too thick and this doppelganger’s hair looked closer to straw than pale gold. He’d based the other rat king’s gingerbread soldiers on other animals and not even Niki’s blue spun sugar could match Wilbur from last night. The whole ridiculously extravagant display looked paltry now, a month of work ringing hollow. Niki seemed to pick up on his mood and tried to cheer him up, offering to invite him to her family dinner but Tommy turned her down. He went home determined never to look at the stupid displays again.

When he walked into his cold empty apartment and saw the shapes unmoving on the table he walked right back out again, but sunset quickly turned the winter air frosty and Tommy was too broke to go to a bar or something. He had to go back in and avoid looking at them while boiling up a pack of ramen. He took the soup back to his bedroom and managed two bites before dumping the rest, which proved to be a mistake when he got hungry later in the night.

At 11:18 the end of Schlatt’s reactions playlist beamed up at him from his laptop. Tommy hadn’t moved from his nest of blankets since getting rid of the soup. Everything was awful, and he could tell he wasn’t going to sleep any time soon. He got up and took a shower, scrubbing at irritated puffy eyes which only resulted in them getting more red and puffy. Things were an iota better now that he was clean and spent. Techno, Philza and Wilbur were still on the table.

Tommy sat down and stared, pathetically willing them to come back to life, the smell of peppermint, cinnamon, and white chocolate surrounding him. Last evening had been looping over and over in his mind, and Tommy was convinced he’d never come up with something so crazy. It had to have happened.

He picked up Wilbur, Niki’s handiwork closer to what had been alive than his clumsier efforts. He walked back to his bed and turned the blue soldier around and around in his hand. But it wasn’t Christmas Eve any more. Santa Claus had come and gone, Rudolph was done flying and he’d watched the grumpy lawyer across the street burst out of his office and joyfully greet his poor legal assistant with a hug and dance. The magic was gone. But maybe the cookies still had some power to make him feel better, and in another day they’ll be stale.

He brings the candy up to his mouth and tastes peppermint strong enough to scrunch up his nose.

Tiny fingers suddenly dig into his palm as Wilbur’s voice screams in his head. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Tommy screams and drops Wilbur. The living candy lands on the blankets and sits up, clawing saliva from his impossibly fine hair.

“Was- was I in your mouth?! Tommy?!”

“I- You- You were a dream! I mean, what?”

“Don’t eat me!”

“Okay! Oh my god. How are you alive?”

“It’s midnight you idiot, and we’re Christmas magic. We come alive at midnight. And turn back into cookies at dawn. DO NOT EAT ME WHILE I’M A COOKIE.”

“Oh. I.” Tommy feels like his heart is simultaneously trying to lift into the air and hide under a rock. “Why didn’t you tell me that last night?”

“I DIDN’T THINK CANNIBALIZING US WOULD BE ON THE TABLE.” “YOU’RE A GOD-DAMNED GINGERBREAD MAN! How was I supposed to know you’d come back to life? I… I thought last night was a one time thing.”

Wilbur looked up at him for a long minute and Tommy did his best to shove down his stupid emotions. He didn’t want to cry in front of Wilbur. “I’m sorry.”

Wilbur sighed and rubbed his temples. “Alright. Okay. Just give me a minute.”

Tommy relaxed and then asked, “Did Philza and Techno come back too?”

---

When they walked back into the main area Techno and Philza were standing up and living.

“And what were you two nerds up to?” Techno asked in his typical monotone while Tommy fidgeted under the red hots stare. “Nothing.”

“He wanted to ask me a few questions.” Wilbur elaborated, much to his relief.

“Um, right. I guess we didn’t cover everything last night.” Phil stepped in, fluttering his feathers. “Did Wilbur answer all your questions?”

“Tonight you came back alive.” Tommy said awkwardly, “Are you… always going to do that?”

“Oh mate.” Philza fluttered over to him and Tommy abruptly had white chocolate and marshmallow hugging his face. “I’m sorry, we should’ve told you last night. We,” he gestured to Wilbur, Techno and himself, “are a Christmas miracle. We’ll come alive at midnight as long as you need us, to fulfill your wish.”

“What wish?” Tommy asked, and Philza’s smile softened. “With us around, you won’t be alone anymore.”

“Oh.” Tommy shuffled awkwardly closer to them and returned Wilbur. “What if I piss you off?”

“Then we’ll forgive you.” Phil said confidently.

“Maybe.” Wilbur added and Techno jabbed him in the ribs. “I forgive you. Really.” Wilbur amended, “But you’re on thin ice gremlin.”

“Thin ice for what?” Technoblade asked and Tommy flinched.

“Wilbur can fill us in later.” Philza interjected, landing back beside them and looking up at Tommy. “Do you have any other questions?”

“Um. I guess not. Besides how the power of-- What? Christmas cheer?-- can bring a cookie to life.”

Techno shrugged. “Ask the spirit of Christmas present. But good luck getting a straight answer.”

---

Next year finds Tommy working late at the bakery again, this time on a north pole theme, when ‘Dream’ appears again.

“So have you learned your lesson?”

Tommy looks up, glaring. He’d wondered if the creep would come again, but his newfound family hadn’t thought the chance was very high. Tommy just can’t get them to believe he’s the unluckiest person on earth.

“What lesson? Was there supposed to be a god damned lesson? You brought three cookies to life!” He huffed and crossed his arms and tried not to show his unease. There was just something unsettling about the spirit, something he doesn’t like. Beyond the fact Dream doesn’t breathe or blink. “My Christmas break turned into- like- a scramble to suddenly accommodate three tiny magical people in my shitty-ass apartment, you bitch!”

“Which was what you wanted.” Dream asserted, before stealing a candy cane off Santa’s sleigh and crunched off the crook.

“Yeah! Well…” Tommy scrounged for words, “You could have explained it better!”

“Nope.” Dream popped the P and took another bite.

“Whatever. What the hell do you want now?”

“I performed a Christmas miracle.” Dream said slowly, then stared at Tommy as he shoved the rest of the candy cane into his mouth and spent a full minute filling the air with the cracks and snaps of hardened sugar. Tommy stared back in suspicion until the spirit swallowed and added, “For you.”

“And?” Tommy asked. Dream glared.

“I didn’t have to. I had just handed a particularly idiot lawyer in a beanie to Sapnap when I looked across the street and saw this totally pathetic kid working late at a bakery on Christmas Eve-”

“Hey, I’m-” Tommy began but the spirit spoke over him.

“-Like the loneliest, most miserable teenager imaginable and thought to myself: ‘Wow. I really should-’”

“THANK YOU, OKAY?!” Tommy shouted louder, “Thank you for working your weird, mysterious Christmas powers. Is that what you wanted me to say?”

“Yes.” Dream said, and vanished into thin air. “Also tell Techno I said hi.”

“Maybe I will!” Tommy called after the swirling puff of powdered sugar Dream left behind.

He groaned, and began packing up his station. It was almost midnight, after all.

[declinlalune]

Plants Vs Feelings || Andy & Jonas

TIMING: in july, after zane dropped the plant by bread cemetery. LOCATION: bread cemetery. PARTIES: @thesilentmedium & @declinlalune SUMMARY: andy shows jonas the plant zane dropped off for him. CONTENT WARNINGS: none!

Andy had wanted to ask Jonas about Zane and exactly what had happened there, but didn’t want to cross any boundaries. But how else was she supposed to tell him that she had a gift waiting for him? Sure, Zane could have taken it home and brought it back another time, but he didn’t. It sat on the counter waiting for Jonas’s arrival the next morning. She was stacking the flour delivery into a corner of the back kitchen when she heard Jonas enter through the front door of the bakery. She looked around the doorway and raised a hand in greeting, wiping some of the flour that’d gotten onto her hands off on the apron. 

She approached Jonas with a smile, motioning towards the plant on the counter. She should be as straightforward as possible, she realized. No use in pretending she didn’t know who’d brought it to begin with. “Zane brought it for you yesterday, but you’d already gone home. I told him I’d make sure that it got to you.” She picked it up and held it out for him to take with a small knowing smile.

— 

Jonas was not a functional human being today, he decided, as he clutched the coffee in his hand like a lifeline. He hadn’t meant to stay up all night but had made the mistake of putting on a show before bed. Normally Jonas didn’t have a problem falling asleep to movies or tv, but something about Pride & Prejudice ended up keeping his interest and before he knew it the sun was coming up. Maybe it was because Jonas had been feeling a little lonely lately that the romance show was able to keep him hooked. 

Jonas and Zane had never really gotten to talk about what happened that evening under the tree. The day they were meant to, ended up with Zane having to cancel due to emergencies in the ER. In fact the ER had been keeping Zane rather locked up and while the two had managed a text here or there it had left Jonas wondering where exactly the other man wanted to take things. Jonas was worried he may have come off a bit strong and scared the other man off. He knew Zane didn’t have as much experience in these matters as he did and he really didn’t want to make Zane feel pressured into a relationship he might not have been ready for. 

A bit of relief came about at the sight of his lovely work partner and the plant she was offering forward. Jonas’ couldn’t help the smile that graced his face as he set his coffee aside to carefully take the plant from Andy’s hands. “It is very cute!” He held the pink plant up, adoring the little thing. “I appreciate you holding onto this for me. It is a lovely gift, I will have to make sure I text Zane later to let him know.” Jonas’ couldn’t hide the look of affection he gave the plant as he thought of the man who gifted it. He nestled it safely on a shelf behind the counter. It would sit there till the end of his shift he decided. “We will have to think of a name for it.”

—

Andy watched Jonas carefully as he took the plant. His eyes lit up like when he talked about his mom, but there was no sadness this go around. “Yeah, you don’t need to thank me.” She picked up the sack of flour she’d been moving to the front room off of the counter and set it to the side so that it’d be available for when they next needed it. She turned around to watch as Jonas put the plant onto the shelf. It looked good there, but it probably deserved a better home.

“Hm?” At Jonas’s comment, Andy nodded, thinking for a moment. “Maybe something to do with pink?” Admittedly, her skillset did not include knowing anything about plants. She knew other things, sure, but plants were sort of out of her range of information. She leaned against the counter and watched it, waiting for it as if it’d move on its own accord. In this town, it probably would. “Or give it a human name, that’d be funny, too.” She’d met a dog named Francis the other day and hadn’t stopped thinking about it. 

—

“I do, you did something kind. I will make you some extra pastries to take home today for your sister and you to share.” Jonas already had a lot on his plate with custom orders but he was nothing if not a master of planning his day. He was sure he could squeeze in some cream puffs for the siblings to enjoy, maybe even some sugar cookies. He was already planning how to decorate each pastry, the cream puffs would be made to look like rabbits and the sugar cookies would be dusted in rainbow sprinkles on top of a white frosting. Of course he would have to make sure to package them before Andy got a peek at what he was preparing for them. 

“Something pink and human related.” He mumbled to himself, finger tapping his chin as he thought. “Not um human exactly but there is the fairy from Sleeping Beauty who wanted Aurora’s dress to be pink. I cannot remember her name though.” He started to fiddle with his phone before pausing and waving it off, “I will look it up later. I uh should help you get the shop ready.” Jonas wasn’t as strong as Andy so having her around really was a blessing but he was still strong enough to move a bag of flour or two should Andy need him to. “How was your night? I am sorry I did not ask before I was excited over the plant.” 

—-

Andy waved away Jonas’s offer. “I can also make them myself, you know.” Though, Jonas seemed to know the best ratios. Even if she followed the recipes his mom left behind, whatever she made never tasted the same as his. She wondered if it was the attachment he had to Bread Cemetery. She was appreciative of his offer, regardless of not wanting him to waste his time on it. “But if you insist.” She grinned at him and wiped away some of the flour dust from her apron. 

As Jonas debated on a name for the plant, Andy nodded. She’d never seen Sleeping Beauty, but she was sure that the name would fit, if it was something about being a fairy and being pink. She couldn’t be entirely sure, but she trusted his judgment. “No, it’s okay, I can do it. I think the plant’s name is more important here, don’t you think?” She wasn’t sure if it was actually, but still. She liked seeing Jonas happy like this. “Hm? My night was…” She thought about the canned cheese and Kaden’s face. “Good, as any other, I guess.” Andy smiled at Jonas before grabbing a few piping bags, setting them up at Jonas’s station. “Lil’s not getting locked out anymore, right? You know I had to push her through a window a few weeks ago.” 

—

Jonas grinned, “Of course you can and you do it very well but there is always something special about letting someone else bake them for you.” He supposed it was the kindness of the gesture that made the pastries always taste better when they came from a friend. When you loved someone it seemed to tint many of the things they did in a more favorable light. Not that Jonas could excuse everything a loved one did out of affection for them. He did not think he could forgive anyone who killed another person out of anger or some sick twisted sense of delight.

Jonas could take a hint that Andy wanted to know the name sooner rather than later, “Very well give me just a moment.” He smiled and once again began to fiddle with his phone, mouthing some of the words as he read the wiki page on sleeping beauty. “Her name was Flora, that does seem very fitting. We should um make it official.“ He looked around for a marker on the front desk, making a small noise of triumph when the sharpie finally revealed itself. With a delicate hand he wrote out the name FLORA on the lip of the pot. ”There now she knows.“

His joy was paused for a moment at the mention of Lil being stuck outside, ”Oh um I did not know she was having trouble getting back in. I will make sure she remembers her keys from now on. Though it is curious as to why Blue did not wake me up when she heard you pushing my... well my sister through a window.“ Perhaps Blue had been lazy that night and simply did not want to bother getting out of bed in order to offer aide. Or she figured the two making noise were doing well enough on their own. Jonas could feel the form in his shadow shift at the mention of her name before settling back in to rest. Blue wasn’t a lazy dog by any means but she was a fierce snuggler. 

—

“Yeah, I guess you’re right about that.” Growing up, it’d been clear that she was meant to take care of herself, and by taking care of herself, that meant taking care of Alex, too. She didn’t mind it, and she loved her sister, but it was a little different having somebody else who wasn’t connected to her by blood offering to take things off her plate, or even cook for her. Jonas was no exception to that, even if she wasn’t sure how to simply accept his kind gesture. Andy looked over her shoulder as Jonas finally gave the name of the plant. 

Flora was a pretty name, one she hadn’t heard in most contexts. “That is nice.” Andy watched as Jonas wrote the plant’s name on the pot with a sharpie. “We could probably decorate it with stickers, too. I think I saw plant sweaters, maybe we can change it out with the season?” It was a cute idea, even she had to admit, and she was sure that if Zane walked in to see the plant he gave Jonas being given such attention, he’d be elated. 

Andy shrugged, a laugh escaping her as she pushed some of the items towards the front of the working station. “I think that she didn’t want to bother you, and maybe Blue was tired, too.” It had been a little weird that the dog hadn’t woken up, but who was Andy to question a dog’s life? “Maybe she figured that Lil had help, who knows.” She turned around and began to prep the assorted boxes, building them out so that they could easily transfer the baked goods once orders were placed. “I didn’t mind it, though. It was all kind of funny, actually.” 

—

“Well I would like to think I am.” Jonas perhaps took on helping people a little too often. He couldn't help it, his father had ingrained in his head from an early age just how useless he was to this family. So if he could take on little burdens from other people it made him feel less like he was just here for no reason. It could keep him focused on the present rather than the past that kept him in such a negative spiral. Plus Andy always deserved a treat, she was such a hard worker and such a good friend, one of these days he was going to convince her to bring over everyone for dinner. When it was just him and Blue there waiting for Lil it was rather lonely.

”Stickers and pot sweaters? That would be very cute. I am planning to keep her at home but I can bring her in for holidays and we can decorate her pot.“ Jonas would feel more comfortable having such a precious gift in an area far from angry customers or potential ghostly bagels. He began to wonder about the bagel Blue had so rudely shoved in Regan's pocket before Andy spoke up again.

”Well as long as you did not hurt yourselves getting her in, still I will make sure she remembers her keys.“ Jonas was already putting the reminder into his phone to get a little key hook to place by the door. It would surely help to have the same place to put them every time she came home. Blue finally hearing her name enough decided to pull herself form Jonas' shadow, the man seemed completely unphased by this as the big dog walked over and nuzzled Andy's hand before walking around to lay on her blanket pile in front of the counter. ”I will have to have you over for dinner sometime to show my appreciation.”

—-

“Oh, I guess that makes more sense.” Andy wasn’t sure why Jonas would keep the plant at the store, and it made more sense for him to take the object of his affection home. Or rather, the token of affection from his object of affection…? She had no clue how it worked. She’d never had feelings past physical attraction in most situations, and she wasn’t exactly looking to change that, either. 

There were some curiosities about Zane and Jonas that she had, though. But she had already decided that she would let Jonas tell her what he wanted to tell her rather than ask questions that might be better kept private until one of them were ready to explain what they meant to each other. 

Andy shook her head. “Nah, she even took off her heelies, so we were good there.” The memory brought a fond smile to her face, knowing well enough that the three of them could rely on each other, even if she was a little quieter about it than the other two. Blue’s cold nose met her hand and Andy looked down, grinning as she gave the dog a quick scratch behind the ears. Seemingly satisfied, she went to her corner, plopping down on the blankets Jonas had set out for her. “Hm? You don’t need to do that, but dinner does sound great.” She wasn’t sure what appreciation Jonas had meant– her helping Lil, collecting the plant from Zane, or helping him at the store. Whatever it was, she was sure to tuck away that she’d bring him a pie of some kind to show her appreciation. 

“But then again, even if I say you don’t need to do something, you’ll probably do it anyway. You and Lil are both stubborn like that.” She was, too, but she didn’t like to take up people’s time. Not that that’s what the twins were doing, but still. 

—

“That is good, having heelies dig into you can be very uncomfortable.” Lil normally left Jonas out of anything she thought would get the young man in trouble but sometimes a ghost locked all but one window to a house and a boost was needed to get inside. It only took one forgetful moment to find out just how painful those little wheels could be on one's back. Of course Lil hadn't done it on purpose. They both had been rather tired that day and neither thought to check before Jonas let her use him as a stepping stool to reach the window that was a tad bit higher than she could manage on her own.True to his nature Jonas didn't complain at the time but he did make sure to check whether or not her wheels were in any other time he was needed in that position.

“We share many traits. I am happy that is one of them.” Being stubborn in offering kindness was not a bad thing in his mind. Jonas' mother was the same way, always helping the people of Wicked's Rest where she could. Being so close to her it made sense that Jonas took parts of her personality. She was the one that hammered it into his head to always be polite.

“I am used to having large family dinners. It is strange now being in that house and only having Lil there at the table.” Going from six people to two was rather lonesome. Jonas probably felt it more than Lil who seemed more than happy for it to just be the two of them, and sure Jonas was happy with that as well but when left alone in such a big house he couldn't help but feel the absence of his family. “You are doing me a favor by coming over, if that makes my request less bothersome.“

—-

“I’m sure. She was pretty considerate about it.” With a laugh, Andy moved around to the front of the entrance and began flipping the signs over. They’d be opening soon enough and need to unlock the doors. 

Twins were usually polar opposite. Or, at least, that’s what she’d seen on television. There’d been a few sets of twins at the hunting camp she and Alex attended, but she’d not really seen it then. There was a viciousness that accompanied all children then, but especially in those who shared more DNA than most siblings. It was weird, seeing them compete against one another. Lil and Jonas were nothing like that, and for that, Andy was thankful. 

“If you’re sure, Jonas.” Andy turned back around towards the front entrance, peering out at the passerby. “I think we’ll be busy today. We should probably get started.” She commented as she turned back around to face her friend. She knew that he had a bit of prep that he needed to get started on, so it was probably better that she take front of house to start the morning with.

[2-dsimp]

SURVIVAL KIT EVENT (heads up my explanation is a bit long) I sent this earlier but idk if you saw it. Lately Tumblr has been yetting my asks into the void for some reason.

1. Karate Club Leader - Childe.

We know he has the obsessive trait. He needs to see senpai regularly which isn’t going to be too hard since we are in a club with him. Basically he seems like he isn't going to cause much trouble for us as long as he gets some attention . Not to mention he is physically strong so he is a free bodyguard. Don’t think many yandere’s are going to act up when they counter Childe with Senpai otherwise they are probably going to get knocked out hard. “You shouldn’t have touched my Senpai, now look at you…Hanging on to your last breath haha! How pathetic” (quoted from his headcanons) Childe’s club I’m sure gives the skillset strength which will be useful when we have unexpected encounters where we can’t use stealth to get away.

2. Stealth and Strength

Getting out of situations before they can even begin, escaping them or grabbing important items makes stealth a flexible trait that can be used in many situations. For some reason I have the idea that strength can be OP at a high enough level because the yandere will struggle to physically do anything to you. Not to maintain some would be imitated and act more tamed not to offend senpai out of fear or respect which gives the players more control. Unless the yandere has more strength or is able to outwit the players to me it feels like a get out of jail card at higher degrees.

3. Ayato, Kazuha, Albedo and Lumine

Since this is the first day and things are going to get harder as days progress. I think it’s important to try to figure out the character traits we don’t currently know yet because it’s the best time to do so. Especially the ones that give off red flags because one way or another we are going to encounter them and I say best to do it now with no debuffs, assignments, debts etc. As for Lumine, well we still have her phone so I think she owes us a favor if we can give it to her.

4. Ayato (Yes I know I put him in q3)

Being on a date and having a character's affection at a high level doesn’t mean you know the character traits so thats why I put him in q3 3. As for my reasons to have him in question 4... “Secret admirers are difficult to find and are known to be the most dangerous wild cards! They may be your saving grace or potential ticket to death row, it all depends on how you impact them.” So far he is the only one that we have currently discovered that has that. The fact that the game is straight up warns us players about him being the death of us or being super helpful shows alot about Ayato’s potential so I want to be on his good side. Unlike some yanderes, most likely he isn’t going to be bragging about the kiss or date unless someone brings it up. Based on his personality in Genshin he isn’t the type to draw unwanted attention but rather dance in the shadows and be cunning like a puppeteer. He is a smooth talker due to being the Yashiro commissioners dealing with politics so he isn’t going to do anything reckless outwrite but instead plan carefully and manipulate situations to suit his interests. He has spies that relay information back to him so it makes me wonder if he has any dirt/ useful information on other characters. This would be helpful as it allows us to make better decisions and survive. Idk if the Shuumatsuban in this au are able to assassinate anyone Ayato chooses but that too could play to our own advantage if that is the case.

I haven’t had the chance to get to it yet but I’m so glad I did now! (>^ω^<)

@xadiac

[theoriginalladya]

Oh and ❛ no offense, but you look terrible. ❜ for the platonic prompts as well 😊

from this list

On AO3 here

I really do have to thank you for this one and the previous one! Writing these two is so much fun!!! Hope you enjoy it!

(under cut for length because, let's face it, I don't know the meaning of the word 'short'! lol)

~~~~

Maker’s breath! 

He should have known better!  He knew it, the rest of them knew it too, and there wasn’t any doubt in his mind this incident would haunt him – be the talk of Skyhold, even – for days to come!  Cards just were not his game. 

After all these years, you’d think I’d have learned better.  It isn’t like Josie and Leliana have been hiding their talents along the way, either…

Down below, the door to his office creaked open just as Cullen tugged his boots over freshly socked feet.  Groaning inwardly, he prayed the new arrival wasn’t one of the Inquisition’s staff, a messenger with a request for a patrol, or something equally boring and work related, rather than one of the others seeking him out in order to gloat.

Maker, please, don’t let it be Dorian…!

Booted steps strode into the room with purpose but paused at the base of the ladder.  “Cullen?”

William. 

Cullen sighed and covered his face with both hands.  Great.  “I’ll…be down in a moment.”

There was no point in trying to avoid the Inquisitor.  If Cullen didn’t go down willingly, the man would simply come up to check on him. 

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Muttering beneath his breath, Cullen quickly descended the ladder.  “Look, Inquisitor, if you are here to –”

“Inquisitor, now, is it?”

The smirk in the man’s tone was obvious; a hint of amusement wrapped in smugness, but to his credit, he didn’t laugh.  Cullen kept his eyes averted – he didn’t need to see the smirk, that would just add insult to injury – and crossed over to his desk. 

As he took a seat, he shivered, suddenly remembering the loss of the mantle he usually wore during the game. 

Great, he was going to freeze as a result of this evening’s shenanigans, too.  It would be just his luck to catch a bad cold because of his own stupidity.  And Mia would likely give him no end of grief as well.

A rustle of papers to his left had him turning just in time to identify said mantle as it landed on top of his desk.  Blinking, he just stared.  “What…what’s this?”

This time, the laugh was quite audible.  “What does it look like?”

Gingerly, Cullen reached for the garment, cautiously pulling it closer.  “A trap?”

The laughter bubbled a bit louder, filling the room.  “Not unless you set one inside it tha thasn’t gone off yet.”

Snorting softly, he countered, “That isn’t exactly my skillset.”

“Quite.”

Rising, Cullen pulled the mantle over his shoulders and secured it.  “I’m…surprised Lady Montilyet shared her…winnings with you so easily.”

This time, however, William remained silent.  It wasn’t necessary to be a genius in order to figure out why; he was waiting.  Waiting for Cullen to look over at him so he could make a point.  Like you always do. 

Sighing, Cullen ran a hand through his hair until it landed at the back of his neck.  He rubbed at tension still present due to his earlier embarrassment.  Sadly, it didn’t dissipate.  “Look, Will…”

But as he finally lifted his gaze to his friend’s, his voice trailed off to silence by what he found.  William wasn’t the type to go around playing practical jokes willy nilly – at least, he hadn’t been in the past, and certainly not like their elven mischief maker.  No, the Inquisitor’s taste in practical jokes was lighthearted enough, but very selective, and the man could take as good as he gave.

Usually.

A sudden bubble of laughter swelled in the back of Cullen’s throat at the sight of the drenched and dripping man standing on the other side of his desk.  Cullen quickly cleared his throat.  “No offense,” he managed before he had to cover his mouth with his hand and cough before continuing, “but you look…terrible.”

William braced his arms on the edge of Cullen’s desk, dark eyes glaring at him, pinning him in place.  Cullen had only ever seen his friend angry – truly irate – once or twice over the years.  This was maybe the third time? 

“Never let it be said I allow my friends to suffer.”

“To…?”  Cullen frowned.  He was missing something, an important key to understanding what that meant.

“I went to retrieve your mantle for you,” William explained.  “Figured of all the pieces lost to our ambassador this evening, that one would be the most useful to you.”

The shiver that rippled down his spine this time was triggered by the thought rather than actual cold.  “Yes, well, you always were the more insightful one.”

“Hmm.  Be that as it may, what I did not expect was the trap waiting there.”

“Trap?”

Straightening, William gestured at himself.  “No sooner had I opened the door to Josie’s office then I was greeted by…this.”

Something about this situation still sounded off.  “Are you suggesting Josephine trapped her office door?”

With a sigh, William shook his head.  A spray of droplets flew free of his hair and spattered across Cullen’s desk, dotting papers and books, and even reaching the back of Cullen’s hand as he raised it to protect his face. 

“No, not at all,” Will replied.  “In fact, I know exactly who the responsible party is.”

Cullen pursed his lips.  “Let me guess…Sera?”

Will’s thinned into a straight line.  “Well…yes, but she had help.”

“She did?”  Cullen rounded his desk and noticed the puddles forming at his friend’s feet.  Grabbing a cloth from nearby he used when snow got trampled into the office, he tossed it over. 

After wiping his face, Will turned a sheepish, lopsided smile at Cullen.  “I…sort of assisted her, shall we say?”

“You what?”

“It was a bonding exercise.”

“You are an idiot!”

“Says the man who lost more than just his shirt in a game of Wicked Grace!”

Several moments passed in silence as they stared at one another, both with cheeks flaming.  Finally, Cullen asked, “It’s…going to take a while for me to get my things back from her, isn’t it?”

William squeezed out excess moisture from his tunic onto the floor.  “Just be thankful you weren’t wearing your armor.”

Finally able to smile and mean it, Cullen chuckled.  “There is that, I suppose.”

An outraged shout echoed outside of the office in the direction of the keep and William threw the towel at Cullen where it landed against his chest with a damp squelch.  “I…will see you later…”

Without another word, the Inquisitor hurried out the door leading out onto the battlements and away from a voice Cullen now identified as Josephine’s…

[izusun]

BACK WITH MORE PATENTED RAMBLINGS FROM YOURS TRULY

Okay so picture this: Izuku's parents are secretly hitmen for the government, both of them. Izuku was raised to follow in their footsteps, and then one day when he was ten, his house goes up in a blaze of fire and he's now homeless.

He runs to another city, (the same city as the Shie Hassakai's home base) and because of his particular skillset, sets up shop as a hitman.

A few years later, at thirteen, Izuku gets a hit on Overhaul and the Shie Hassakai higher ups, and rescues Eri. He decides to keep Eri with him, move back to Musutafu, and hang up the weapons to open up a cat cafe. It becomes a popular hero spot.

I'm just imagining the heroes face when a criminal with past connections comes into the cafe and Izuku pulls out a fucking Glock.

GOBLIN ANON HIII!!! always serving me with bamf midoriya izuku <333

ok but imagine:

while his shop is infamous for their hitman services, in the underground it’s also known for being an independent informant. of course it’s under a different name and sign as to protect midoriya’s many identities.

i mean, midoriya izuku is loaded with many many skillset so what better way to expand your business than by selling information. aizawa, in particular, had relied on these information many times in his career.

then the shop closes. they think informant “shadow” (midoriya’s alias, one created because i am terribly uncreative) simply retires.

when he moves and opens the cat cafe (it used to only have five cats, three of which midoriya saved himself and two who eri brought home one day after her visit from the park), it became a haven for homeless cats too.

shinsou works part time in this cafe. five weeks later and the cafe earns another worker, dabi.

midoriya knew who dabi is, but pretended that he’s not todoroki touya. dabi does not turn to villainy, but instead became a vigilante with some skewed morals (since he still likes stain’s ideology.) when midoriya realized that dabi could potentially endanger their cafe, and, by extension, eri, he had a one-on-one talk that resulted in dabi having a few nicks and new person to look up to (stain is easily second. or third because eri is second.) dabi stops patrolling around mustafu to divert the attention away from their shop.

the cafe is popular and one of their regular customers is aizawa. he used to just drop by at night before his shifts but since there were more cats, he sometimes drop by with his friends in the morning.

now one afternoon, when the cafe is at its lazy hours, with both shinsou working on the floor and dabi behind the counter; eri sitting on her personal spot with her two cats; aizawa laying on the carpets, flanked by kayama, yamada, and many cats; and midoriya stocking up the pantry, a villain walks in.

well, a past villain who turned good because he was caught by midoriya, and then spent his whole time searching where midoriya relocated. aka a friend.

still, the heroes recognize him and jump up to apprehend him when midoriya easily slips out a gun holstered underneath his apron and points to the villain.

“kaito,” midoriya hisses.

“shadow,” kaito greets, slinking in front, not even glancing at the heroes who spread out to try and fight him. kayama was already beside eri, using herself to shield eri from kaito.

“you know how much i spent looking for you? man you’re as slimy as your name.”

“what are you doing here?”

“honestly i was gonna order coffee but,” kaito pauses before reaching out to tap the tip of the gun pointed at him, “i think i’m not welcomed.”

there’s a pause before midoriya sighs, slinking the gun away and goes back to filling up the pantry.

“yey!” kaito cheers and moves towards dabi, placing his order.

“hold on,” aizawa says, “did you jus say ‘shadow’?” kaito doesn’t answer him so he turns to midoriya. they share a look before midoriya grins.

“jesus christ, kid.”

[bitchatcloudtower]

Who do you think is the strongest Trix in terms of powers? I know Icy is the leader, but somehow I could imagine that Darcy is more powerful than her because of the whole darkness and illusion thing. I mean, doesn't she draw her power from the darkness and it is practically everywhere?

I think Icy’s the strongest and a lot of that is owed to her drive and intent. She’s the most driven and ambitious of the three and she commands a great deal of respect and loyalty from her sisters as well as from her peers. If she didn’t have Darcy or Stormy, I fully believe that she would be capable of finding other people to fill in those roles. Not to mention that she as a person is capable of winning people’s loyalty (The witches in s1 who attacked Musa just because Icy said so.) Icy has the vision and the organizational and people skills necessary and that is her greatest strength more than her ice powers are. Her ice powers are also very flexible in their use, they aren’t relegated strictly to offense in the way Stormy’s are, but they also have actual physical offensive abilities unlike Darcy’s. If I had to pick one of the Trix… I’d say Icy.

I think Stormy’s the most powerful in terms of raw power. It’s not an accident that her attacks do seem to have the strongest impact on her opponents, especially on a physical level. We see her regularly landing attacks that both hit and damage the Winx on multiple occasions. Her powers are the most directly offensive (there aren’t many ways to use storm magic defensively) and so she compensates with very strong offense in the hopes that it will be enough to overpower her opponent with sheer raw power and I think it works well for her… to an extent. Her attacks can be somewhat predictable as a result and we see other people negate her attacks (Musa’s weird rain dance in s2.) I think if she developed her powers beyond “throw lightning at opponent” and developed certain mentalities and skills (ie people skills, organizational skills) I could see her vying with Icy for leadership (which was mentioned a few times in supplemental material for s1.)

I think Darcy’s powerful for her knowledge. I think the fandom latches onto her as the most powerful of the three and I’m not sure that’s the case. In terms of her powers, I’m not sure they translate the best in terms of battle. Her powers translate well to intimidation and disorientation of the enemy, which work well if she has the upper hand and is paired with someone who does have actual offensive abilities (ie Stormy) but on her own that leaves her very vulnerable (Brandon knocks her out easily with a boomerang in s1 and she’s out of commission for the rest of the fight.) I also think it’s a weakness she’s aware of. We know she’s the most well learned of the three and that her powers are more flexible (fire, levitation, strength, some earth) and extend beyond her “core magic” in ways we don’t see in many other characters. Additionally, I think her powers are more an extension of her skillset than with the others. She’s manipulative and that ties in very well with her illusory powers, and we see her use them in tandem with one another (when she uses both her knowledge of Riven’s insecurities along with the illusion that he faces in the dungeons at the end of S1.) I think Darcy’s the most flexible and the most aware of her weakness and works to counter them but she has a lot of weaknesses.

I’m not sure how much power source contributes to this argument since we see that none of the characters actually need their power source to be present. Icy regularly conjures ice out of nowhere and Stormy’s storms and lightning attacks are generally self generated. I don’t think darkness being everywhere necessarily gives Darcy an advantage any more than air being everywhere gives Stormy an advantage. And that extends to people outside the Trix too: Bloom regularly conjures fire out nowhere, Tecna is able to use her powers even in locations that have no business having any form of technology (Omega.) Yes, Stella requires light to power her but she’s able to conjure light even in the dark. I imagine it’s similar for Darcy, I think being subject to light 24/7 would affect her similarly to how Downland affected Stella but it shouldn’t affect the actual output of her powers.

[thedevillionaire]

Illusionary

Cerberus, Kia, domestic bedroom snz scene with a little magic, little romance? Hmm, yeah, sounds like me. 😏 --- Wrapped in a full-length darkest burgundy dressing robe, feeling somewhat refreshed but still more than a little coldhazy, Cerberus emerges post-shower to the sight of Kia, changed from her earlier black velvet bodice and jeans into a burnished deep gold satin negligee, lying on her stomach across the bed, head resting on her hands, attention fixed on the Testing papers in front of her. He pauses at the threshold, leans against the door frame to simply look at her awhile, silently enraptured, a soft smile on his face.

:Just so you know, babe,: Mindsends Kia, keeping her eyes on the papers, :it’s not possible for you to enter a room and not be noticed.: She glances back over her shoulder at him and grins wickedly. “You’d be a terrible spy.”

Cerberus chuckles, walking over to settle beside her on the bed. “Hard to argue given the circumstances, I suppose.” He toys with her hair, looking down at the papers. “Which Level are you applying for?” A light sniffle, and he frowns slightly, rubs his nose against an irritation rising anew.

“6.” Kia sighs. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I can get that, but…I don’t know, I’m not…evenly skilled across the options or something.” She rolls over to sit up, cross-legged. “There’s a bunch of stuff I can do really well, and some other stuff I’m…just not very good at, I guess.” She gives him a rueful smile. “But I think if I maybe…”

“What is it you’re not sure of?” Cerberus reaches across her and picks up the papers, flicking through them as he moves to sit leaning back against the bedhead, rearranging the array of pillows and cushions to suit. Another sniffle, more sharply this time and he recognises the battle as lost, his focus dissolving captive to undeniable need, and he turns from Kia in surrender to an adversary already his conqueror many times over today. “HHAHTSSCCHU! Damn it, I swear Healing deal in placebos. Comple…ehh-HH ..completely…hh… Ahh-HEHTSSCH-uu!” He sniffles again and fixes Kia with a look conveying irrefutable vindication, raises an eyebrow. “*snf!*Hm? As evidenced. Completely ineffectual,” he states with authority, and takes several tissues from the box on the bedside. “Excuse me a mome… hh-HH... Oh, for f… HHAHTSSCCHU! Ah, gods. *SNF!* Pardon me, love.” He blows his nose in an attempt to stop any further irritation, at least in the short term, though he holds very little faith in that regard, and incinerates the tissues in a flashblaze of aetherfire.

“Bless you, sweetheart,” Kia says, gently strokes his forearm. “I’m fairly sure the meds have helped a bit, though,” she suggests. “Compared to earlier, at least.”

“Oh, well, yes, I’m sure I’ve had at least ten minutes respite here and there,” mutters Cerberus sardonically, though he concedes to his bonded’s wry smirk quickly enough, places a kiss on her forehead. “Ah, I’m sorry, darkling. It’s just that as a rule, I’m rather fond of breathing.” Resting back against the pillows once more, he sighs again, absently rubs his nose, and returns his attention to the papers, making a quiet hum of thought as he flicks through them, in consideration.

“Sweetheart?” Kia, curious, shuffles up along the bed a little more to kneel beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, trying to read what he was reading. “What are you doing?”

Cerberus points to the skillset of Illusion, listed as a subcategory within Hypnotics, several thick and emphatic lines scrawled beneath it. “This is underlined because…?”

Kia scoffed. “Because I suck at it,” she says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I mean, I can do the basics, but…” She looks up at him, nestling into him, trailing absent patterns across his chest with her fingers. “It’s just…it’s like…you have to sort of direct what someone else sees, so it’s…putting your images into their eyes without actually seeingthrough their eyes, so you don’t know if it’s actually working, you just kind of have to hope for it, and I can’t figure out when it is working so then I get distracted and the whole thing pretty much falls apart.”

“It’s a skill Demonics covers as well.” Cerberus kisses the top of her head, draping an arm across her as he drops the papers in his lap.

Kia stares at him, taken aback. “You can do this?!”

“Well, I don’t use it widely, nor is it my forte, but…”

“Oh, oh, oh! Want to take my Test for me?” Kia gives him a playful entreating look. “Just, I don’t know, shapeshift or something. Is that a thing? You can do that, right? I’ll let you wear whatever you like. Oh my god, I bet you’d be super-hot as me.”

Cerberus collapses into laughter, and she laughs with him, her heart warming as it always does when he loses himself to delight, and particularly now, with him unwell. She repositions herself to settle beside him, kissing him tenderly as she does so, and picks up the papers in one hand, resting her other hand on his thigh. “Alright, alright, okay, I know. I’ll take my own stupid Test. It’s mostly Vampirism specific, anyway. But still…” A devilish grin darts across her face and she bats her eyelashes at him with exaggerated flirtation. :Super-hot.:

Smiling, Cerberus looks down and shakes his head in an ill-advised move that brings about yet another stark reminder of the throbbing sinus headache he’s only just managed to almost forget. He winces slightly and does his best to ignore it. Claiming the honeyed tea from the bedside tray, he reheats it with a touch, and takes a sip. “Well, darkling,” he says, “perhaps not quite that, um…absolute, but I certainly owe you any favours I can offer at this point, so if you’ll allow me—” He kisses her forehead. “—to revisit a request that you once asked of me… Drop your Protect.”

Kia’s eyes widen and she looks up at him, confused, curious. “Why? Do you even need me to?”

“No, love, technically I don’t. But I’d prefer to have your consent, if you’ll give it.”

“For what? I mean, sure, of course, babe, but…”

And then Kia loses her words, struck voiceless, astonished, and reaches her hand out to feel for a bed that is no longer there, finding instead only the soft moss and verdure of a rainforest glade, the gentle sensation of vivid greenery under her touch; lush, thick and rampant plantlife above her, beneath her, beside her, in sensory undeniability. She turns rapidly, looking everywhere around her, unable to comprehend what’s happening even as the very atmosphere changes, the dark, thick, wet scent of fernery, pines, rich soils, and peat surrounding her, immersive and entirely real, solid, incontrovertible. The sky darkens to gunmetal greyblue, stormclouded and windswept, and the crash of distant thunder seems to vibrate the air itself. Sky? But there can’t be sky. Where’s the…where’s the ceiling? What…

“Honey?” she asks, questioning, her own voice feeling like a foreignness, seeking her love who isn’t where he had been mere seconds ago, and she runs her hand along the bark of a nearby tree, one of several, the texture rough and actual, definite. She pushes it, pushes harder; it does not yield. The thunder echoes again, muted but resonant, a certainty, and the heavy cloudcover darkens with it, bringing further shadow to the dell. Shifting her position and reaching for familiarity does nothing to transform the verdant rolling hills back into the furniture she knows so well – oak and cast iron and ornate fabric lost to, consumed by, this wilderness she’s breathing. The landscape stretches out endless and impossibly vast; bedroom walls stay invisible, dissolved. There are no hard angles. No corners. Thunder once more but softer, as if moving away. Wisps of phosphorescence dartdance across thickets and brush, phantasmal. She curls her toes against some lichen at her feet.

:Know this, love,: Cerberus Mindsends almost as if in echo, in memory, to the bone, and Kia spins around to face him, seated beside her but on the opposite side to where she last saw him, dressed as if for a fog-covered moorside in a thick cable-knit sweater and fleecelined suede coat, which she knows is not possible this is not possible it cannot be possible how can he do this how can anyone oh my god definitely not reality but still the only tangible perception she can make, and she isn’t at all sure she can speak to him and she tries to see what she knows to be real, where she knows she must be sitting, but she simply can’t, and she plucks a honeysuckle flower off a nearby creeping vine that has to be fictitious and yet it somehow isn’t, marvelling as she turns it over in her hands, touching its petals, breathing its sweet perfume.

“You’re extraordinary,” she whispers, tears in her eyes.

:Close your eyes a moment, darkling, and immerse. Remember this. Understand this.:

And feeling the reassuring touch of his hand on hers, she closes her eyes as requested, reopening them after just a brief time to see again the bedroom that she’d logically known she’d never left, only then consciously recognising that he could not have taken her hand in that way from where she’d thought she’d seen him last, and she gazes up at him, open-mouthed in astonishment, for the shortest of moments before reaching up to trace her fingers along the contours of his face, almost as if to confirm his existence. “How are you even…” she murmurs in wonder, before calling herself back to reality somewhat.

She takes a moment to rebalance, breathes deeply, recentering. “Okay.” She exhales slowly. “Alright. Okay, that was…wow, that was completely amazing and… I love you but that was… If that’s what I’m meant to do… I mean, I could feel it. I held a flower. Fuck, babe. I have enough trouble even getting an image to form. A single image. You…you made a world. There’s no way I can do that.”

“You most certainly can, love,” counters Cerberus, “and, in fact, will. Should bring you up to a Level 8 grading, I’d imagine.” He presses his index finger then the back of his hand against his nose, frowning a little at a building itch, sniffling. “Excuse me. You just, um…recall the memory, enter in and redirect, adjusting for context. You’ll only be working with mortal capacity for resistance, also, if I recall the Vampirism protocol for this sort of thing correctly, so it sh…should be…” His breath hitches, the returning urgency stealing his sentence; he excuses himself with haste and turns from Kia, succumbing desperate, heavy, absolute. “AhhHEHTSSCHuu!”

“Bless you!”

He raises an index finger and gives the briefest shake of his head, brow creased, and frozen in thrall to the crescendo of oncoming need; he takes an imposed moment, expectant, and another, inhaling shallow scissored twice and over, then deep, deeper still.

And again.

“hh-HH… Hh-TSSCHhuu!”

And oh he does not want to concede, but again.

“HMPTch! HHKTchu!” His attempt at resistance proves no contest against the still insistent, overwhelming tickle, and he gives over completely this time, abandoning any further fight. “Hh-TSSCH-uu! ah-hh… AHHTSSCHUU! Ah, gods.”

Kia’s own breath comes a touch uncertain too as she purrs a honeytoned, “Bless you, sweetheart.”

Cerberus exhales tiredly, pushes silken ebony disorder back from his face with one hand while claiming several tissues with the other. “Thanks, love,” he murmurs, adding a sotto voce curse or two about the entire situation. “Pardon me.” He blows his nose, a little more gingerly now, sniffles again and sighs, repeats the process. Ridiculous.

A thought suddenly occurs to Kia that piques her interest far too much to not to ask it. “So, um…what would have happened if you’d sneezed during that whole…you know, ‘the bedroom is a forest now’ performance?”

Cerberus wipes his nose a final time before vaporising the latest used tissue collection. He chuckles quietly, clears his throat. “You’d best tell me, I think.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t, though. I would have…” Kia breaks off, examines her beloved’s expression with wary sidelong glance, considering whether there was any chance of...

No. With a faint scoff, she rejects the possibility, positive, confident. “No, you did not. There’s no way I don’t hear that.”

“If you say so, love.”

She frowns. “You’re right here. I am next to you in the bed.”

“Yes, it’s wonderful.” He flashes her a candid, disarming smile. “My favourite thing.”

Laughing, Kia pushes him in play. “Well, mine too, sweetheart, but that’s not what I meant and you know it,” she says before returning to her point. “You did not sneeze during that, though. No way. It just isn’t… Nope. You’re teasing me.”

“Well.” Cerberus once again brings newly steaming heat to the cup of tea with a touch, the very slightest of smiles crossing his face. “I admit that thunder is rather a cliché, but I didn’t have a great deal of time to consider intricacy of plot.”

“You di… But…” Kia stares at him in complete bafflement. “How?!”

“Illusion, darkling.” He stretches an idle arm across her shoulders, presses a kiss to her temple. “This is how it works.”

“Are you serious?!” Kia shakes her head in amazement. “God, do I even know what reality is?!” She gives a half laugh of incredulity, simultaneously astounded and utterly unsurprised at the variety of skills her beloved seems able to just call to command at will. “Okay, okay, and…so now because you…set me up, is that right, I can just, what, do that now? Oh. Ohh, whoa now, wait a second. Hang on.” She gives him a sly look, comprehension dawning. “Did you just do my homework for me?”

Cerberus laughs softly, a little darkly. “Consider it a crash course. Anyway, I know that you are in fact highly skilled in…not unrelated areas. I certainly know you can direct events. Your truly…outstanding talent with Immerse and Possess proves it. I suspect you just weren’t sure where to begin in this case.” He gives her a gentle smile. “You have an advantage, love. You should use it.”

Kia smiles back. “Oh, I’ll use you alright. I mean, use it.” She winks, laughing again. “I liked your mountain man look, by the way. Do you even have a cable-knit sweater?"

Cerberus raises an eyebrow. "What? You dressed me in a sweater?"

“I dressed you? What?"

“My direction only goes so far, darkling. Illusion involves a great deal of obfuscation, but it’s not a complete taking over. Some parts of it are nothing more than guidance, suggestions. And certain aspects are – I assure you – entirely of your own creation." He looks at her in nonplussed bemusement. “Really? Cable knit?”

“Navy blue, with a tan suede jacket,” Kia specifies with haughty precision before dissolving into laughter anew and doubly at the expression on his face. "I guess that’s what you get for setting everything in a forest. Come on, I was thematically accurate, at least.” She wipes away tears of laughter before meeting his gaze with conviction, points at him as if delivering an unarguable truth. “You looked hot as fuck, incidentally."

“I feel I’ve learnt something entirely new about you tonight,” Cerberus remarks, smiling briefly at her before suddenly turning away again, a couplet of fierce, unstoppable sneezes almost catching him unprepared absolutely, and he apologises with haste. “Hh-TSSCHH-uu! Ah-TSSCHH-uu! Goddamn it. *snf!* I have had more than entirely enough of this.” He sharply pulls another pair of tissues from the box, blows his nose again, immolates them afterwards with a burst of flame rather more emphatic than required.

“Aw, bless you, hon.” Kia tuts softly, strokes his hair back from his eyes, moves to sit across his lap, facing him. She traces a finely manicured nail down his neck, across his shoulder. “You know,” she nearwhispers, her tone softly teasing, “it wouldn’t kill you to wear a sweater once in a while.”

“I’m really not…”

Kia leans closer, purrs as if sharing the wickedest of secrets. “Denim jeans too.”

:Gods, love, who are you?: Cerberus Mindsends in shadowsnarl as he wraps a strong arm around his bonded and draws them together, claiming her mouth and kissing her with fire palpable.

:You know me, sweetheart.: With deft touch and feline grace, slightest shrug, Kia allows her negligee to smoothly fall away, returning her beloved’s kiss perfervid, wanting, infusing her reciprocal Mindsend with the same.

:Your favourite thing.:

----

[sunlightandsuffering]

How about flowershop mikasa? 😫

oooh like she owns a flowershop? Works in a flowershop? I'm feeling creative today so lets say the Ackermans own a flowershop and Mikasa works there every afternoon because it's summer and she has nothing better to do, so she just chills.

Here he comes, right at 3 pm on the dot, like clockwork every day. The highlight of her day actually.

Mr. Casanova.

Mikasa watches covertly from her place behind the counter where she's pretending to put together a large arrangement. Really, she's just shoving random flowers with similar colour schemes into the vase. She's far more interested in watching the beautiful specimen who just wandered into her shop. He's truly a work of art, long dark hair tucked into a bun at the nape of his neck, striking green eyes and a body sculpted by the gods themselves if those tight t-shirts are anything to go by.

He is also quite the Casanova if his purchases are anything to go by. Everyday he comes in and buys a singular flower, sometimes a rose, sometimes a daffodil but always one flower and she can only assume it's for a girl or multiple girls, she's not sure.

Today he comes up to the counter holding a white rose, elegant and yet subtle and Mikasa admires his choice, quiet as usual as she rings him up. Mikasa is not a bold person in fact she's rather shy, especially in front of a boy as pretty as this. She'd went to an all girls private school since she was young and her only interaction with the male species are her father, cousin Levi and the men who come into the shop, most of which are not her age. This boy is her first real study of what males her age must be like. She's a little bit of a recluse, no matter how much her mom encourages her not to be, she much prefers reading books and minding the flower shop to the loud parties Sasha tries to drag her along too.

Her ideas about love and romance and boys mostly stem from her beloved books and well, this boy is living up to every expectation she's come up with. Buying flowers every day, does he have a beautiful girlfriend he dotes on? Is this how he asks out beautiful women?

He's so beautiful, sharp jawline and dark brows, the face of a model truly. but Mikasa is too shy to ever do anything about it. So as usual she rings him up in silence, mumbling his change when he hands her. twenty dollar bill and staring at the cash register the entire time, face heating up about a hundred degrees.

To her surprise, he finally says something, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," her voice is quiet, barely a whisper and she's surprised he hears her. "Sorry, it's just you're really red, you always are actually. I was wondering if you drink enough water?"

If possible Mikasa flushes an even darker shade of maroon.

"Oh my god you're turning even redder, do you want me to call an ambulance, that's seriously not normal. My dad's a doctor, I'm a little concerned."

"It's okay!" Her voice is finally loud enough and it actually causes him to stop dialling 911.

"Are you sure, you're really red and it's crazy hot outside, I wouldn't be surprised if you had heat stroke or something."

Mikasa wants to die, she really does.

"I'm-I'm okay, I'm just nervous." Her eyes dart away from his, cheeks on fire. The boy puts his phone away, one elegant eyebrow arching. "Why are you nervous?" How is she supposed to answer that?

Mikasa is not well honed in the skill of lying at all, in fact it's not a skillset she has in her arsenal so she can do nothing but tell the truth. "Because I think you're good looking." She doesn't look at him as she says it, resigned to her rejection, this is so totally not how it happens in the books, her dreams are crushed. She holds his rose out over the counter while she stares at her flower arrangement, damn it! He's never coming back, not now that there's a creepy girl who's in love with him manning the front counter.

To her surprise a pleased grin crawls up his face, she sees it out of the corner of her eyes and she wants so bad to look and see that beautiful smile in it's full glory but she resists. He must be laughing at her, thats it!

He takes the rose from her hands and for a moment she's relieved as she expects him to leave and let her die of embarrassment.

She hears some fidgeting for a moment, but she refuses to turn, pretending to mess with the flower arrangement. After a few moments and the scratching of a pen she hears footsteps and the jingle of the door before she finally releases a long breath. Mikasa turns back to the counter only to find the lovely white rose and a note.

She thinks maybe the romance from books might be possible after all.

A beautiful rose, for a beautiful girl. My name is Eren, I'll be back tomorrow ;)

P.S. the flowers are usually for my mom, but I think I'll have to start buying two

[saphirered]

Heyy i hope this is ok, I really love your Verin x reader where he goes to see his brother is it ok to ask for a continuous of it like he visits the empire to see his brother but also the reader ???

I'm doing okay, thank you for asking! The dreaded double shifts have returned but I have a moment of freedom now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! 😘

-

The sudden disappearance of Essek Thelyss had left quite the ravage in its wake. The Lens; the network of spies of the Dynasty was left in disarray and without a commander, valuable information had been lost and the underground threats of the Empire still posed a risk. The loss of their connection to the Empire and their own spies to keep tabs on the higher ups Essek had provided had disappeared with him leaving little to no information of the inner workings and plotting on the Dwendalian side of the border.

It was the perfect cover story. Verin is by no means as clever and cunning as his brother. He’s the first one to admit so. He’s got his own strength but that doesn’t leave him lacking a skillset similar to his brother’s. Verin knows how to get information. Verin knows how to stick to the shadows. Verin knows what he’s doing. That’s the words of those who spoke in his favour at the Lucid Bastion when he offered the prospects of temporarily providing that bridge until a suitable replacement was found.

Verin had proven to them his loyalty through providing them with answers to the questions they had been asking about the ongoings in Rexxentrum, limited but answers no less which was much better than what they had before. He offered them a remedy against the chaos and they could do nothing other than take it. So Verin got to frequent his resources of this information insisting he’d take care of this personally due to the fragility of them and risks associated; willing to make that sacrifice for his country and not needlessly put lives at risk, especially not after the disgrace his brother had brought them and his family.

Little did they know that his link to the Empire was you; one who sits on the Kings’ Council and you pointing him in the right direction, leaking through formation that was common knowledge between the higher ups of the empire; information that could have been provided by simply striking up a conversation with one of them. It was merely an excuse for Verin to visit his brother… and you as his social visits now included you many a time. He may have grown a bit attached to your company and you’d not risk sending another drow, let alone a Thelyss to stay at already suspected-of-lowkey-treason-every-Thursday Widogast/Thelyss household. No, you’d let Verin stay within the safety of your home escorting him wherever he needs to go to assure none of you get arrested for conspiracy and treason yourselves.

The cover used for the Dynasty was a little easier to maintain than the one for the Empire. Essek’s disguise had of course been in play long before Verin’s arrival. Essek claimed himself to be a former student of Yussa Errenis. That’s how he got to meet Caleb and when Caleb went to settle and teach at the Soltryce Academy he went with, settling down together going on their occasional adventures.

Verin’s had to be tied to that in some way or their frequent interactions would draw attention, be that people suspecting an affair between the two or something deeper. So the story in nature had to stay simplistic as Verin’s frequent traveling had to be explained and excused in a believable manner. He’d be the so-manieth son of a Nicodranian lord who was given little to no attention from his parents and siblings until he proved capable politically making friends and more importantly connections all over. The downside of these connections; they had to be maintained so he’d travel the world to do so but never too bothered to visit his childhood friend; the former apprentice living with professor Widogast.

Now of course you got some encouragement from the king’s council to nurture this relation with the Nicodranian lord’s son and opening up your own home instead of letting the man stay in one of the many lavish taverns was just that extra personal touch they needed to know you’d do so in name of the king of course. They just didn’t know this was all a lie and you’d keep it that way. The four of you and by extension the Nein and their allies aware would do anything to keep it that way even if that meant a certain little blue tiefling blackmailing a Nicodranian lord or two to keep up the facade with the things she had learned and overheard over her years at the Lavish Chateau.

You’d spent your day off with Caleb, Essek and Verin on a double date of sorts wandering the city, going sightseeing and just exploring ending with a dinner at your place. It had been a pleasant day and you and Caleb had taken a few moments away to allow the brothers to go out on their own for a while as you’d usually done. It still felt strange having the both of them in one place and acting civil no less. Essek had expected his next meeting with his brother to end with one of them dead but that dinner with the Nein had proved him different. Verin refuses to tell him what you’d told his brother to convince him to stay his hand exactly but never stalled to playfully remind Essek he had you to thank for his life.

Essek was happy to admit his relationship with his brother had almost gone back to normal. The normal before both of them were left to the responsibilities and expectations of the world and their country. There were still some hindrances and disagreements but they managed to work through them one by one as adults, though you and Caleb might have something different to say about the bickering children at times. They were siblings and even the semblance of normalcy and a healthy relationship between them brought smiles to your faces as both you and Caleb had been there when it came to your own makeshift family.

The night of your ‘double date’ had ended in a lovely dinner at your place after an eventful day. Caleb and Essek had headed home but a few minutes ago and you’d resigned yourself to washing the dirty dishes. Caleb and Essek had offered to stay and help but you’d shooed them and told them not to worry. There’s just something peaceful about the manual labor of such a mundane task letting your mind wander wherever it went.

“You know you could just cast a spell to clean them, or leave them for your help to clean in the morning.” Verin leans against the door frame watching you clean. You had this argument before. Yes you could speak a few words and snap your fingers and done nor would your housemaid complain about doing them in the morning should you leave them. You’d always felt uneasy with live-in housekeeping for some reason. Perhaps it’s the feeling of lack of privacy or maybe your need for independence but Verin blames your upbringing among the common folk where these were simply tasks you did every day.

“I could also cast a spell and make you do it.” You laugh setting another wet plate on the stack of clean ones ready to be dried and flick your wet hand at Verin who gives you a disapproving look seeing the droplets being absorbed by the fabric of his shirt. he knows better than to argue with you on this and instead picks up the dishcloth beginning to dry the stack of washed plates and putting them in the cabinet where you store them.

“You could just leave them for for the servants.” You mimicked his tone best you could with a laugh and now it’s Verin’s turn to dip his finger tips into the water and flick it at you. You gasp. He’d been getting bolder the more at ease he’d become and you got to see the drow more as the real person behind the layers of responsibility and complexity of his life and just let him be him. You’d seen this transcend with Essek before and knew well enough were it lead. If you could provide a similar haven of peace and allow him to be himself you’d do so. It wasn’t even a sacrifice made as you enjoyed Verin’s company. Though, you could do without him never putting your precious books back onto their shelves when not reading them. He blames losing the tome in your extensive collection if he did so.

“And if I’ve learned anything I know you’d dry them yourself. Last I checked you’re not a servant or am I mistaken?” Verin jokes as he stacks the dried bowls carefully.

“And you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you? Tended to by servants cleaning up after you wherever you went?” You grin finishing the last dish and putting it on the stack turning to lean your hips against the counter behind you. You cross your arms with a teasing grin on your face as you look at him. He knows that grin all too well, enough to know what’s coming.

“Need me to lay out your clothes for the morning, m’lord? Should I bring you a midnight snack, m’lord? Do you desire a bath, M’lord? I could wash your hair and style it just the way you like it m’lord. Would you like me to help you get dressed, m’lord?” You put on a light voice and curtsy holding back laughter as Verin picks up the last dishes and puts them in the cabinet. He’s laughing with you, the act you put on quite hilarious to him. He knows you’re over exaggerating and he knows you know. He’s proven himself independent but it doesn’t help he actually knows people who are tended to in such a way.

“Not far off. I’ll applaud your efforts but you’re mixing tasks. Clothes do not leave the wardrobe until the moment before they’re meant to be worn. You wouldn’t want to wake your lord in the middle of the night so if a midnight snack as you say, should be desired, it should be prepared or provided when asked for. If you’re tending to the lord themself you wouldn’t be the one drawing the bath. As for getting dressed, I doubt you’d be able to help me because I recall you saying my enormous ego gets in your way too much already.” Verin speaks with all seriousness until he’s standing in front of you, hands clasped behind his straightened back. You share a look before bursting out in laughter.

As a reward for this moment of joy you pull out a bottle of wine and two glasses pulling him over to the table by the window he’d once climbed through to hide from the guard patrol. You set down the glasses and begin pouring the wine like a properly schooled server. Verin shakes his head as you pull out the chair for him and let him sit with a bow as you take your own chair at the other side. He may have some comments on the proper posture and manners but holds them back for the sake of humour. He knows you know so instead you just enjoy your wine together.

“How was your day?” You ask taking a sip.

“I’d tell you you’d know since you were there.” Verin commented and you kicked at his leg giving him a look. When you kick again he grabs your leg between his squeezing his shins together to trap it between his and gives you a wink as he takes a sip and releases you smugly.

“I enjoyed it. The gardens were lovely and seeing Essek get in the middle of an intense bet, letting loose like he did… I have not seen that side of my brother in a long time. Not but months ago whenever I tried to take him for a fun night out he’d complain and be a stuck up.” Verin speaks and you can imagine this truth of Essek. He had changed a lot ever since getting entangled with the Mighty Nein. For the better; that’s something you and Verin can agree on.

You enjoy the rest of your wine conversing about the rest of your day, Verin’s travels, your daily business and more. It’s something you’d grown so accustomed to. You pour yourself and Verin another glass, splitting the last contents of the bottle between the two of you with a ‘thank you’ from Verin as you give him just a little bit more.

“How long will you be staying this time round?” You ask changing the subject.

“Trying to get rid of me already? I’ve only been here for one night.” Verin sends you one of his usual charming grins and you wink back at him.

“If I wanted to get rid of you I’d simply call for the guards. How many times do you have to keep sneaking through my window? You know I have a front door right?” You know of his nightly endeavours. You know he really does have information to collect from sources you may or may not have hinted at but he could simply use the front door. You don’t mind either way but getting the living daylights scared out of you when you go into the kitchen for a midnight snack or a glass of water still half asleep, you could do without.

“I’ve been granted three weeks.” Verin has to admit, the Bright Queen’s acceptance of his time came as a surprise. He suspects the Dusk Captain might have gotten her in better spirits that morning and he couldn’t be more thankful. The ‘why’ at the end of his question was implied so he awaits your reply.

“I have some business to attend to at noon but the Mighty Nein is meeting up in Nicodranas for a little side adventure.” Oh. Verin does his best to not let his disappointment show. It’s the downside of not being able to send word ahead or know your schedules beforehand. If he’d known he’d planned differently. He doesn’t want to stand in between you and his brother’s friends.

“I will see you off then.” The crestfallenness in his voice is clear for you to hear so when you reach out over the table to clasp your hand over his, his eyes are drawn to you. Your gentle smile confuses him.

“Actually, I was wondering if you’d like to join us. We’ve worked around the sunlight sensitivity before, especially in the Menagerie Coast so if it’s no bother to you, why don’t you join us?” Verin looks at you, thinking you’re kidding or lying but sees none of this. He thinks for a second.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude-“ He begins but you cut him off with another squeeze to his hand and a reassuring look.

“You won’t. You’re one of us now, Verin. You can’t get rid of us anymore.”

“Then I will come along. Thank you, you and your friends, for everything you’ve done for me.” Verin doesn’t really know how to handle this; getting closer to his brother’s friends, especially you that is. He’s never been in a similar position and the sheer genuineness of it is heart melting, even for him. Not even within his own family has he encountered this and he had been a lot closer with his family than his brother in their younger years.

“You’re very welcome.” You’d be off with Verin and the others. Another sea voyage? Perhaps, but like always you’d see where the winds would take you even if that’s by the literal winds, or a name on a map that sounds funny, or when you’ll unavoidably be on the run from some kind of creature chasing you. Let’s hope that dragon turtle stays far away, and if not, you’d have one hell of a time fighting it. With Verin at your sides this time. He’d be in for an adventure. He’d be in for a surprise. He’d be in for an undoubtable amount of chaos. And he’d welcome it all with open arms. Damn his sentimental side. He blames Essek for that one.

[angels-heap]

Is it bad that i find Freemance (Gordon and Alyx) kind of squicky? I don't know, I really used to like it and the possible romantic relationship between them is super cute! But the fact that Alyx was a child when she knew him, and that Eli makes the weird comments about them when he has known Gordon for so long and that his DAUGHTER. It just really doesn't sit right with me anymore. I wouldn't want any of my friends to date my daughter if i had one! But i don't know anymore :-(

I’ve answered this question a few times before (sometimes more politely than others), but I’ll bite one more time, since your message sounds genuine and I hate to see people stressing out over this. 

In short, no, it’s not “bad” to find something squicky. That’s the beauty of the term; sometimes you just don’t vibe with something and “squick” is a great way to express that without needing to justify why you don’t like the thing. There are HL pairings I find squicky that aren’t necessarily objectively bad. Nobody’s saying you have to love freemance to be a HL fan.

That said, though, I can tell you’re feeling conflicted about this and I’m hoping I can help by clearing up some common misconceptions about the ship:

1. There’s nothing in canon that says Gordon knew Alyx when she was a child. What little information we do have actually suggests he didn’t. We know he worked with her father in some capacity, but given how dangerous and secure Black Mesa was, I highly doubt Eli was bringing his 4 year old to work regularly. Also, Alyx canonically doesn’t know much about Gordon in either HL2 or HLA, which strongly implies that if they ever did meet pre-canon, it was brief and not at all memorable. Anyone who claims that Gordon and Alyx were close pre-canon or had some sort of uncle/niece relationship is either confused or lying because nothing in the games supports that conclusion. 

2. Yeah, Eli’s jokes are a little cringey at times (and it appears Alyx would agree with that assessment, which is clearly intended to be humorous on Valve’s part), but I don’t think that’s an argument to sink the ship. Eli was probably at least a decade older than Gordon when they worked together at Black Mesa. Presumably, they didn’t work together for terribly long, considering how young Gordon is; HL1 was originally meant to take place on Gordon’s first day of work, but that was retconned to an unspecified earlier date to explain why he knows these people in HL2. Regardless, now Eli’s 20 years older than that with a daughter who’s around Gordon’s age. It’s not like Eli’s trying to set Alyx up with a same-age colleague; actually, Gordon arguably has more in common with Alyx than he does with Eli at this point. Also, it’s not unheard of in the real world for parents to try to set their kids up with respectable acquaintances and yes, even co-workers. Valve wouldn’t have written that in if it was socially unacceptable. 

3. We know Eli knows about the G-man and his relationship to Gordon and he also comments on the fact that Gordon doesn’t seem to have aged. He definitely knows (or at least strongly suspects) that Gordon’s still 27, which makes him a perfectly acceptable potential partner for his 24 year old daughter. Regardless of when Gordon was technically born, he’s still physically and developmentally in his 20s. He and Alyx have a similar amount of lived experience and complementary skillsets.

4. Eli, Barney, and other random NPCs don’t start teasing Alyx and Gordon about possibly being interested in each other until they’ve been working together for a while. Regardless of whether or not Gordon/you (as the player) reciprocates, it’s quite clear in the games that Alyx is developing a thing for Gordon as the story progresses, so it’s not like this is a case of creepy meddling friends/relatives (or game developers) trying to force a weird relationship on unwilling participants. 

5. This is a dynamic that could never happen in real life that neither party had control over, which means there’s nothing predatory going on here. Time travel/stasis is also a very common trope in sci-fi media. Everyone in HL2 has been through a lot and seen some shit. Alyx getting together with a 20-something year old dude who got yoinked out of time for two decades probably doesn’t even crack the top 10 for “unexpected shit that’s happened since Black Mesa” at this point. The characters clearly love and respect each other and we have every reason to believe everyone’s intentions in encouraging this relationship are pure. 

If freemance still doesn’t appeal to you, that’s totally fine! I’m not expecting to convince you to love it and that’s not a prerequisite to participate in the fandom, but I hope this helped counter some of the misinformation you may have heard elsewhere. As always, I’m happy to discuss this further in other asks or DMs if you still have questions!