#being so full of love while also being aroace is so important to me

[bloggingboutburgers]

cw: discussions of bullying and aphobia

Hearing aroace peoples' existential crises over their friends discussing crushes, as someone who was socially isolated and severly bullied for their whole childhood and most of their adolescence so had NO friendgroup until adulthood and NO community or inclusion in literally anything (and when it came to sex and romance the other kids explicitly considered my potential involvement in either to be impossible / laughible because of how "weird" they found me (my autistic traits before I even realised I'm autistic)), felt like starving while listening to someone else complain about the food they're actively eating.

Food intolerances and dislike of different foods (as metaphor for being aro/ace) ARE important and difficult to grapple with when you're expected to eat specific foods in specific proportions at different times - but man did it sting until I realised why I felt that way and gave myself a talking to since my trauma doesn't justify belittling the very real struggles of aroace people.

I guess since the choice between 'stay alone or conform' was never really a choice because I was rejected no matter how cis straight or allo I was it taught me to go "fuck it" and accept myself regardless of what other people do or say (which ironically has lead to me becoming dramatically popular all of a sudden at uni, which has been weird to get used to since I have literally no experience with any of this - platonic or otherwise - which did lead to some advantage being taken of me but f*ck it we ball ^^'). And I guess it's just been difficult understanding why anyone would care so much about whether they're "normal" or not? You really have nothing to gain from that, safety is not guaranteed in conformity so best to live aroace and damn all aphobes to hell if they have a problem with that.

It's a mindset I'll never understand and that's only ok now insofar as that lack of understanding no longer results in misplaced anger at people who, for a time, I had once considered spoilt, ungrateful and out of touch. Basically, I'm full of sh*t and to every aroace person reading this you deserve good friends that actually respect you for who you are and do not even TRY to get you to change your mind about sex or romance. Have a lovely day x

Sincerely,

An aggressive emotional support anon

I'm genuinely sorry for all the hardships you went through. I don't mean to equate at all, truthfully from reading you and considering I WAS asked some of those questions as a kid regardless (the "who's your crush" bullshit and whatnot), it definitely sounds like I had it less hard than you did, but... I was bullied in elementary school and middle school, also not necessarily because I was aroace (I don't know why it happened really, I don't know if anyone ever knows, I boil it down to... me being me and there being something fundamentally wrong with me ig), and I definitely also get some of those feelings of "oh boo hoo you call that struggle" boiling in me when people discuss their own past struggles sometimes, so... Yeah, every one person's experience is unique, but I can at the very least very much sympathize.

I think a way it manifests in me is that I now have that compulsive, debilitating fear of being "othered" in any way, shape, or form, so I guess being aroace doesn't help my case. But at the same time... Well, like you brilliantly put it, when you're in a situation like that, no matter what you do, you won't be accepted anyway, and having that knowledge back then is probably also what lead me to figure myself out as aroace so early in life. Because I was treated as this much of an outsider, I ironically had that much room in my own head to form my own identity, far apart from others and the need to conform. Yeah, that identity may include a "piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be supported of part of a group" side that's been forced in, buried deep down and can't be erased, but... It also includes asexual and aromantic, and it's been cemented so hard from so early with such self-affirmation that later down the line, it saved me from a lot of stuff. I never had to force myself into a romantic or sexual relationship because I was undoubtably aroace – and people saw me as an outsider and an eyesore anyway. I spent years of being scared to go to school or out in the street every day, but later down the line, somehow, I feel it saved me from doing so many things I wouldn't have wanted to do.

...Bleh, sorry, didn't mean to turn this into me-me-me crap when you had the courage and sincerity of not only showing your experience, but finding the strength to show more love, understanding and support than a lot of people probably cared to give you for so long, despite all the pain you felt for so long. I guess I just wanna say... This take is definitely inspiring, so thank you on behalf of myself and others I'm sure, but also... I hope that, for yourself, you're also managing to own what you lived through in a way that allowed you to affirm yourself more strongly (it sounds like you are, I hope it IS the case), and most importantly, I hope you're in a much better place in your life now and you'll never have to return to that level of loneliness again.

[xiiiwayfinders]

Aroace Sora is something that can be so personal

[justheretobreakthings]

As an aroace who frequently feels frustrated by the inability to escape romance and sex whereever you turn, it's easy to become very cynical about the state of media and the uphill battle. So it's definitely really encouraging to see that there's a viable market for aroace-friendly content, one that's significant enough that perhaps in the near future we'll get to see more big media companies catering to that market. And that's in addition to the fact that today's younger generation is a lot more aware of queer identities and diversity than those who have been the big players in media creation for so long now, which means it's very likely that soon we'll get to see more creators who are willing to break away from the narrow standards of character relationships that writers often stick to now.

This article is from October 2023, so it's pretty up-to-date, even though being accustomed to Internet Time makes me feel like I'm super late to this. Anyway, have an excerpt from the article for some highlights:

Teens in the US are wondering why they don’t see more platonic relationships on screen. And that’s just one of many key takeaways from the second-annual Teens & Screens report released today by the Center for Scholars and Storytellers (CSS) at UCLA. [...] When it comes to the types of relationships shown on screen, teens are tired of love triangles and “will they or won’t they” storylines. A majority of respondents (55%) expressed a desire to see more focus on friendships in film and TV.  “While some storytellers use sex and romance as a shortcut to character connection, it’s important for Hollywood to recognize that adolescents want stories that reflect the full spectrum of relationships,” noted Uhls. More than half (51.8%) of all teens surveyed also said sexual content was not necessary in most series and films. Another indicator of what CSS calls a “nomance” trend is the fact that 38% of the teen sample said they are particularly keen to see more aromantic/asexual characters.  On average, all of the respondents ranked romantic clichés among their five least favorite fictional stereotypes. (And that’s quite a shift from when love triangles reigned supreme in fairly recent teen-skewing film franchises like To All the Boys and Twilight.)

Here's a link to the report discussed in the article for those interested.

[oneluckygoose]

Guys I’m actually so close to breaking and writing a full fledged Marauders era fic. Like I’m talking 1st year to 1981

I have so many ideas about it, I’ll put a list of things under the cut but it’ll be your classic Wolfstar, Dorlene, and Rosekiller, while also being weird and doing a HEALTHY Jegulus with endgame Jily. There’s just a lot of things about the Marauders era that is so inconsistent that I feel like I physically need to write it down COHERENTLY in a way that makes a modicum of sense to me.

Things it’ll probably include

Scottish and Desi James; Welsh Lily, Remus, and Severus; French/English Blacks; IRISH Peter; SCOTTISH Marlene; Dutch Dorcas; French Mary; British Rosiers; and British Barty (ive missed some but those’ll be my main characters I focus on)

Jegulus, personally I think Jegulus is a very important thing for James’ growth and for Regulus’ to distance himself from his family’s ideals but I also don’t think it could ever last. Probably would be a 6th year arc and they break up after Regulus gets the Mark beginning of 7th

Endgame Jily, because their story is one of my favorites and if I do make it a canon compliment then I would need to write it with natural progression, also I just love Jily

I’m on the fence about making it a canon compliment because I choose to be HAPPY, but I don’t need to make that decision now and so I won’t (also I like the idea that Peter is good, screw me)

Aroace Peter, my little boy loves his friends and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t love like they do. A dating spree probably in 5th year but he just cannot figure out how to do the romance thing

No sex, sorry guys we’re keeping this M rated. I’m asexual and do not feel comfortable writing that in the slightest, it would all be fade to black

Asexual Lily, to whoever HCed that, can I marry you? I love ace Lily and I think it just adds an arc to her story that is normally extremely sexualized. My girl will punch you in the face if you look even a tiny bit lower than her eyes.

How much character growth can I fit into James Potter? ALL OF IT. He was a DICK, that is non negotiable, he was not a dick eventually (ahem he had to grow up after the prank)

The Prank will be essential to everyone’s character.

Sirius is at his lowest in 5th year because his parents are trying to get him to marry Pandora and he is rebelling so hard and they are punishing him like a madman and he’s hurt and in pain and lashes out and it’s a mess and it breaks that summer and he runs away. (Then things get better)

Remus’s arc will probably be very similar to what it normally is, I think he’ll have Hope and Lyall, at least for a while and his home life won’t be the worst. If that’ll change I’m not quite sure.

Remus is SMALL and then he gets REALLY BIG, I’m talking 5’1- 5’10 over one summer (3rd year to 4th year) then he keeps growing. 6’3 by the end of it.

James isn’t short, he has a normal growth though, lands steady at 6’

Sirius and Peter are short kings: Sirius-5’8, Peter-5’6

Marlene is probably the most Gryfindor person on the planet, and Dorcas is a Slytherin who HATES her peers

Dorcas is a halfblood with a single Muggle father (her mother left when she was 5) They both have the best dreads on the earth and you can’t tell me otherwise

Marylily is kinda a thing?? In the early years but it fades and they agree they’re better friends.

Pandora and Evan are twins, their family are pureblood fucks

Pandora and Regulus are best friends, they would both destroy the world for each other

Remus starts to like Sirius in 3rd year, he dates someone (probably Marlene because her and Sirius and just gender swapped copies of one another but they both hate it and Marlene is the first person who knows about Remus’ crush, Remus is the first person to know about Marlene's when that becomes a thing 5th year)

Sirius starts to like Remus in 4th year but doesn’t realize it at first and when he does dates around in complete denial until he runs tf away from his family. Peter, the king he is, is surprisingly the first one to figure it out in 5th year.

James is the most hardcore Wolfstar shipper when he finds out about both of them, and he has to be painfully silent about it until they get their shit together

They fully get together at the end of 6th year. How? I'll figure it out.

The Skittles are less present the first half, but they would probably be more and more there, especially as Reg and Sirius' relationship strains

Regulus' relationship with Orion and Walburga is that of a child who has watched their older sibling be abused for rebellion and is fucking terrified of that happening to him. He hates them, but he has to please them to save his own skin.

Also, all the Skittles are in slytherin for being ambitious, cunning, and calculating. Not because they are evil.

Not all slytherins are pure blood fucks who toss around slurs and unforgivable curses while chanting "praise the dark lord", some of them are good/some of them don't deserve treatment as if they were. Understanding this is essential to James' character development.

Not Snape though, he is exactly what it says on the surface. Sure he loves a muggle born but he also is obsessed with her, manipulated her, called her slurs, and hurt the people she loved. He has no such qualms with being as horrible as possible to anyone else. Not saying James and Sirius were good, but Snape wasn't a fuckin' hero either. "Always." BITCH THAT"S CREEPY NOT ROMANTIC.

How long does it take Lily to realize Snape is the worst person on the planet earth? TOO LONG. He calls her mudblood and that is the last straw.

Also fuck JKR's timeline, I don't even understand how the prank could happen before Snape's Worst Memory or after 5th year so the cannon fuckery is going to happen mainly in 5th year

Marlene is extremely important to me. She has the thickest Scottish accent and she thrives off of it. She does not take SHIT. She listens to rock exclusively once she figures out electric guitar makes brain go happy. She and Sirius have a very interesting relationship I would be so excited to explore.

Nothing will be glossed over. I see a lot of vagueness about the Cruciatus curse, and just, no. People need to see in detail what shapes the characters and why they are the way they are, especially Regulus and Sirius. I'll do CWs before every chapter, but I'm not holding back. It'll be graphic, it'll be skin crawling, but maybe that's the point. Remus goes through torture every month, that needs to be known. Sirius and Regulus are broken by their parents, that needs to be known. Mary was assaulted by blood purists, that needs to be known. Things won't be pretty, they never have been with the Marauders. But maybe that's the most beautiful thing about them. Things aren't pretty, but they find a way to love despite that. (James Potter tends to have a large hand in that, too)

This was my shpeal. I have so many ideas and so many ways I could go with this that I'm actually so stressed over it. Um... if anyone has advice on how to get actually started because that's the part tripping me up I would love it. I don't know if I can bring anything particularly special about their story to the table but I would love to see where my story goes. My biggest fear about this is starting it and never being able to finish it. I've been told I'm a pretty good writer, I might post more of my unfinished stuff just to gauge if people actually want to read it, but I hope I can do them justice.

The name though? I have a few Ideas and all of them would lead to a different way that I wrote the story.

Chronicles of Messrs; A song title from either queen or aerosmith; House of the Rising Suns; Dear Minerva; The Graceless

[mx-piggy]

EDIT: I posted an essay to my website based on this post. I'd really appreciate if you gave it a read!

I finally had an intelligent thought about Heartstopper and I wanted to write it down and share it.

I think Heartstopper season 2 was even better than season 1- for me, at least- because of how it felt like a more expansive look at the queer experience, and how it made me feel a little less like I’m falling behind as an almost-eighteen-year-old who has no romantic experience whatsoever.

With most of the main characters coupling up with one another, Heartstopper could easily be a show that says little more than ‘love is love’, which- while a sentiment i agree with- often fails to include people whose queerness has nothing to do with who they love, or does not involve sexual and/or romantic feelings. So, having Isaac’s storyline involve him coming to terms with being aroace as well as grappling with the isolation he feels in a friend group full of couples offers a different aspect of queerness. I’m someone whose never had my first kiss nor have I ever been in a relationship- and at the moment I have little desire to change that right now beyond the pressure of feeling as though I’m running out of time- so to see a character who feels such a similar sense of alienation feels really cathartic.

I also really appreciated Mr Farouk and Mr Ajayi’s relationship, and I felt especially comforted by Mr Farouk’s character. I’ve been aware of my queerness since I was around the age of 10, but I relate to Mr Farouk’s quiet mourning of the queer teen experiences he never had. I think it’s really important for this show for and about queer teens to say ‘it’s okay if you don’t get what Nick and Charlie or Tara and Darcy or Tao and Elle get at their age. You’ve got time.’ I’m only 17 (18 this month) so I’m not exactly like Mr Farouk, but there’s something a little saddening watching a show about teens younger than you who have something part of you wants.

Perhaps this is very much a ‘me problem’, but Heartstopper is something very bittersweet for me, because it makes me mourn for the teen experiences- queer or otherwise- I’ll never have. I don’t hang out with my friends more than a few times a year, I don’t have a queer friend group who can relate to my struggles and I’ve never had my first kiss or had anyone have feelings for me. At times, its made me feel like I did the whole queer teen thing wrong, because I knew I was queer the whole time. But, having a character whose storyline involves realising that romance isn’t essential, and a character who realises it isn’t too late to live his life as a queer man makes Heartstopper a much easier and much more cathartic watch for me. I can finally watch it and say ‘I’m not doing it all wrong, and I’ve got plenty of time.’

[polyamorousmood]

hey! I hope this isn't too non-traditional of a poly situation to be sending in, but this is the only place I think I'll be able to get good advice. As a pre-ask thing, to be clear, my best friend is the love of my life, I am aroace, we're very happily in love.

So, a while ago, we were dating, and it ended pretty quickly bc he came out as aroace. I asked him a lot whether or not that was the full reason he broke up with me and he insisted that it was and if it was going to be anyone it would have been me. I figured out that I was also aroace a couple months later. Recently (about a year after we first met and started dating) he got a boyfriend. I already set a firm boundary of no talking to me about his boyfriend bc it made me have a paranoid breakdown once and I don't want to do that to him, but even just the knowledge of him existing is pissing me off so much. I can't ask him to break up with him because I would never do thst to him and I love him more than anything even if this situation is hurting me like this, but I did recently ask him how the relationship was going with him being aroace, and he said that he isn't really aroace and he just wasn't ready for a relationship with me and thinking about that makes me want to cry. I don't want something romantic with him, I'm very much aroace and very sex and sensuality repulsed, I just hate that this random guy who I don't even know and never will (I don't want to bc I know I'd end up being a dick to him if I did meet him) is somehow more important to him than me, even if he insists thst isn't how it is. Since the situation isn't changing, I really need help with dealing with the jealousy. I've tried a ton of stuff and every single time I think about him I still want to kill him. I really don't know what to do, and my therapist isn't being particularly helpful (she isn't poly tho so she doesn't have experience with weird situations)

Hi. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this.

I'm curious how "he got a boyfriend" went down, and why you didn't bring up your concerns about his honestly to him when he was initially talking to you about it. Or if you did, why it still... doesn't seem resolved😬.

Not to put emotions in your mouth, but it sounds like a large proportion (though certainly not all) of your issue here stems from you feeling lied to about the breakup. This would damage anyone's trust and faith in the relationship, and I think having a formal talk about why he handled it the way he did and if that will continue in your refigured relationship will really help you. Maybe he didn't lie, maybe he was genuinely confused (for example, "if I can't make a relationship work with this person I feel a deep connection with, I must be aroace!" [one year later] "yo wtf I wanna fuck this other person?")! I think you should acknowledge -- with him, if possible -- that hurt. You feel like you want to cry? So cry. Giving the feeling full expression makes it easier to work through (and the only way out is through, darling).

Be prepared to explain why it hurts so much. The betrayal, your assumption that since he was aroace y'all were on the same page and he'd functionally be your life partner, or whatever the fuck.

Aside from the advice in this post (please read it in full📖, it is all applicable here), you have a LOT of legwork🦵 to do in unpacking and deconstructing your feelings. I think this worksheet outlines how to do that well (though, you know, tweak the wording in your head, because its aimed at a more traditional romance). If done right, it will be difficult and time consuming⌛. I recommend working through the worksheet slowly, in at least two separate sessions an hour or longer each. 'Cause shit takes time to sink in. In fact, you will have to remind yourself of the things you learn doing it for weeks to come, if not longer, so don't be afraid to revisit it! There is no shortcut, but I hope you and your best friend can be on the same page and you can have support while you navigate it.

Remember, the boyfriend didn't do anything wrong. He cares about this guy you care about. Try to see him as an extra support for him, rather than competition.

Good luck out there, space cowboy. There is hope 💛 <- its a yellow heart for friendship, get it?

[eye-of-yelough]

anyway here’s the aeryn/gortash dynamic explanation.

nsfw shit under the cut. CW for. i mean so much. but specifically CNC

because it is all consensual, despite the atrocities. although it’s worth mentioning that that does not make it healthy and there’s definitely a lot of manipulation going on so like. is it. its dubious that’s for fucking sure.

So. their dynamic is really just me taking “psychosexual warfare” and seeing how far i can possibly take it. That’s it in a nutshell. also exploration of how a sexual “relationship” between a hypersexual (aeryn) and aroace (gortash. to me) would work.

Aeryn’s hypersexuality is a real point of interest to Gortash, and is his main angle when trying to pick apart his psyche, the way his behaviour changes depending on how long he’s gone without, how it seems intrinsically linked to his Urges, “whoever decided to call it bloodlust was a fucking genius” - Aeryn, probably.

That fascination really hits its pique when, somewhere a between 2 and 3 years into their unsteady partnership, gort wakes up in the middle of the night to aeryn just straight up jerkin it. staring at him. (wether he was already there because aeryn stayed over after them being awake for 50 hours plotting and doing medical malpractice or he just walked all the way there from the undercity to break in and wack it to gort’s sleeping body, i don’t know. but it’s important to me that you know that with aeryn, while the former is more likely, the latter is entirely plausible. he’s a creep.) obviously this brings up a lot of question in gortash’s head. “did he want to be caught?” (most definitely.) “has he done this before without me noticing?” (you can bet on it, mate.)

Sad thing is, I can’t for the life of me figure out what gort would actually do in the moment here, but it’s when he realises that if he wants to manipulate Bhaal’s favourite child, to claim, to conquer, he’s going to have to speak his language. so the next morning he very nonchalantly brings up the incident that Aeryn is eagerly pretending didn’t happen, and offers his help him with his little sex addiction. puts himself in this caring, almost therapeutic role. bullshit, of course. he has no intention of fixing just yet. only after he’s been broken can he be fixed, remade in his perfect image. and aeryn, to his credit, does know that it’s bullshit. he just underestimates the depth of it. See, he knows that Gortash wants to break him. he knows that gortash is a manipulative, domineering control freak. but he kind of just. thinks it’s a weird sex thing. his reaction to gort’s proposal is basically “you’re even weirder than i thought. okay fine. i’ll play your game. i’ll win in the end.”

That’s another key part of their dynamic: mutual misunderstanding. Aeryn thinks it’s a game, Gortash thinks it’s war. Gortash thinks he’s breaking Aeryn, but Aeryn’s loving it.

Gortash’s “therapy” is anything but, of course. Aeryn doesn’t become less of a sex pest, he just finds it increasingly difficult to enjoy himself with anyone but Gortash, who knows him, what he likes and doesn’t like, inside and out. (all part of the plan, the possessive cunt) which pisses Aeryn off to no end because the man Just Won’t Fuck Him in the way he wants. oh, they’re doing weird “stabbing as a metaphor for penetration”, sexually charged medical malpractice, voyeurism, full on bdsm shit all the time, but there’s very little… touching. Gortash just gets off way more on denying Aeryn what he wants while slowly driving him insane with desperation than he ever would if they just. had sex. This isn’t to say they never do, but we’re talking 10 years down the line here, and only under very specific conditions. (more on that in a bit.) If aeryn was right about one thing, it’s Gortash being a weird sexual control freak.

anyway here’s some things their warfare includes:

Gortash bringing some noble up to his chambers to seduce them, notices the window he left closed is open, a chair in the corner’s cushion being smushed down by an invisible weight, and thinking “ah, i’m performing for two tonight.”

one of Gortash’s main weird psychosexual fantasies about Aeryn being turning him into an Actual Doll and keeping him on his shelf for all eternity. he makes many different types of dolls after Aeryn’s likeness, including plushies that he holds at night for a few months before giving them to Aeryn just to savour the look of confusion and disgust on his face.

Gortash stealing some of Aeryn’s Bhaal-sculpted skin and turning it into gloves.

Aeryn waking up after Gortash spikes him in increasingly awkward positions over the years (this happens a lot. like, a lot.) the first time he wakes up bound, gagged and blindfolded in gort’s basement. “i just wanted to see how long it would take you unti you freed yourself. 2 minutes and 31 seconds if you were wondering. i’m impressed :)” eventually he gets used to that routine and he just ends up laying under gort’s desk for a few hours, listening to him work, Gortash occasionally talking to him like you do to a pet. this is probably the closest they get to domesticity. A few years down the line, Aeryn wakes up naked, covered in bruises and black handprints, aching between his thighs.

Knowing it finally happened, but having no memory? If I had to pinpoint the closest Gortash ever got to winning the war, it was there. something in his brain genuinely breaks that night.

Oh. And they only kiss once. Right before Aeryn’s lobotomy, as well, it’s a whole thing. I might make that into a separate post. or you can send an ask. that’d be nice :)

edit: here it is

[just-some-guy-joust]

What’s Kazooie’s deal. Please tell me about them.

thank you so much for asking he's one of my favoritest guys in the world ok so

oldies who have been here since the lovecore swag showdown and perhaps those who were here for the deep sea fish tournament may remember the oc i put into the lovecore showdown, amedeo. for those of who don't, the basic rundown is amedeo is a gamer who is so obsessed with being a perfect friend and getting people to love him he gets manipulated and turned into a demon and ends up killing one of his friends before hitting his redemption arc.

for those of you who were here last time and paying attention, you may also remember the oc i put in the doomed by the narrative tournament, eden. she is a normalcore girl who ends up discovering her world is a video game and she is simply an npc. and now she's actively falling into a spiral of helplessness as she tries to help the player escape reality while never giving a fuck about her well being or whether or not she can be considered a real person.

both of these ocs are from the same story. other members of the cast include: the guy amedeo killed who now haunts their electronics and gets a sick robot body, a demon from the monster realm who is the first monster to set foot in the human world in a good while and ruins the world by refusing to do his job as player 1, an assassin who is also the lead/drummer of his band and got paid like 3 bucks to go kill the last guy and he was just fine with it, player 2 of the game who is in a death spiral and WILL delete as much of the game as they can if they don't finally escape, a tv head robot monster guy who is part of the aforementioned band and can't be normal about his crush on the assassin so he just starts mind controlling people in an attempt to kill him, amedeo again i cannot stress enough how much of a freak he is i love him. all of these characters end up involved in complicated plotlines revolving around the center of the story, the gamer club that most characters are part of. they turn into demons, get killed by demons, face the complex morality of being a person, face the complex morality of being a bunch of code in a video game, and more.

and then there's kazooie.

kazooie is a 24-27 year old transgender aroace man who runs the gamer club. he is a solid 5'3. his main hobby is gaming. he acts a little bit like a prick but he's always making sure the members of his club are having a great time. he named himself kazooie because he is autistic and his first fixation was on banjo kazooie. he lost his leg around his tweens and he does not feel very strongly about it, it's just a thing that happened to him.

the most exciting thing that ever happens to him in this entire fucked up convoluted story, is the assassin can't find his original target but kazooie was right there so he figured he'd just kill kazooie and call it good, which kazooie then got out of by talking fast enough about music for the assassin to start rambling about his band and want to be friends instead.

that's it.

kazooie's most important trait for the plot is that he runs the gamer club so he is involved with a lot of the plot but also everything just barely misses him by a couple inches and he mainly just has a normal day while his friends are out here experiencing the most bullshit buckwild experiences possible. and i Love Him. he's everything to me. he is so sweet and lovely and full of mischief and he's so silly and he loves his role and tries so hard to make the best of everything. he is just some guy and its what everyone needs so bad. in the middle of all the chaos, kazooie is always there scheduling club meetings so everyone has a moment to breathe and play some games together. he is so fucking normal.

also he's amedeo platonic partner/bestie/roommamte. ok here's some art of him

all above art by me

all above art by hershelchocolateart

[skayafair]

I don't have a lot of thoughts on Jet after the "Clean break" but I have a whole bunch of feelings.

Junoverse doesn't strike me right into my heart, doesn't hurt no matter what is happening there, unlike some other podcasts, and is very entertaining. In other words, I really enjoy listening to it, it's nice having a safe story like that.

But it also means a lot of things just fly past me unless I stop and consider what I've just listened to. Maybe it's because I'm binging and most of it is while working, so I don't have my full focus on it. I generally grasp the essence of what's going on but not the details, and the details matter.

Luckily I've listened to Clean Break on my day off. So... I need to untangle this mess in my mind but oh my is Jet the character ever. He's probably the only one in junoverse who made me feel so much and more... personally, I guess.

First of all, I admire how masterfully the script is written and acted. Because Jet wasn't exactly the most prominent character before, and we went a bunch of episodes without him at all. "The Tools of Rust" was enjoyable to me (maybe more than I realized because that episode made me type a few posts) but I didn't care for Jet all THAT much. In other episodes his screen time is relatively modest, and I liked him overall but was mostly neutral and didn't think much of him. Was worried for him when they were getting the curemother orime tho.

AND YET the creators made sure that the whole situation in the Clean Break would MATTER to the listeners. That we WOULD care for Jet just as much as Buddy and Juno. That the major issue for the Aurinko family's jailbreak consisting of one person wouldn't just seem like a waste of time and a lot of fuss out of nothing.

When Vespa relayed the situation - that they CAN get out just fine if they leave Jet (who seemed to want that himself atm) or try to get him and end up in this jail forever, - I internally screamed "IS THIS EVEN A CHOICE GO GET HIM N O W". There was litelerally no other option, and that was a fact. So of course they decided so, but the fact that I as a listener felt the same flame inside? Great job.

To me the breaking point was Rita's 4Ever Love minute. I guess because there Jet didn't have to battle anything - neither any outer forces nor his inner demons, - and was just relaxed, comfortable and caring. People often say to know someone you need to see them in trouble, and this is true in a way... although there are counterpoints as well... but to me it's important to see the person when they're at their most relaxed, when they feel safe and just let themselves unfurl their self. That's when I can really connect to them.

And that's what that episode was. I already adored Rita (since season 1 actually), maybe exactly because she lets herself be her unapologetic self very often, and it's beautiful, - but this was the first time when I witnessed Jet just enjoying himself. He clearly adores Rita, too, so helping her while having crazy fun adventures looked like a really fun day to him too, no less so than to Rita. This episode showed me that he isn't just a stoic person with some inner battles and a great sense of humor, but he actually likes having crazy adventures, he has fun this way! It's like he let that part of his past self free that time, and felt generally more relaxed and free. I think he may be overdoing his self control a bit usually, actually... And the whole aroce thing going on that episode helped too of course. *waves in aroace spec*

Anyway, that episode shifted my perception of him enough to make him one of my 3 fave characters of the whole show, and he feels to me probably more like an actual living person than any of them. So of fucking course I was invested by the Clean Break and felt furious when his upcoming execution was revealed.

But I didn't understand all the implications of the way he was being contained in his cell. The only way I came across an addition was my grandfather and trust me I spit this word with all the disgust I have in me, and that was enough to be allergic to any kind of it. Unfortunately it turned out one can be addicted to people and relationship patterns too, so working on that yeah, but anyway, the point is - I can only somewhat understand it. Juno's input was helpful, but only when I've read some posts here (short and emotional, not very informative, but I think that was exactly what did it) I've started to come to the realization.

And it's... horrifying. I think I've realized like 1/100 of the pit Jet was in back there, and even this makes some feelings stir inside. The jail system was cruel as is, but to use Jet's addiction he has beaten once against him, to use him as an exacution example while it wasn't even him - I mean yes his past self is him too, like a person driven into a corner and pumped up with potent agression inducing drugs is the same person, only driven into a corner and pumped up with drugs, - that was something else. I hope Jet's treated properly after this and Buddy won't spare him from her therapy sessions, because to beat your own weaknesses and demons once just to be broken like this, to be bought to your lowest against your will and endure this for months... ugh. Yeah. That's. Yeah.

I need all the comfort for Jet 💔

[originalwinnercheesecake]

The Owl House Watching and Dreaming Analysis. (Spoilers)

Its over. Its been around 3 years and now its over. Well like Luz says its time for a new chapter now. The majority of my tag is posts about the owl house, and now I have to find a new thing to post on. I like Molly Magee, but so far not enough to spend hours typing out analysis and theories. I got into Ducktales 2 years late and, it has me going through Disney plus to find more shows about the wacky highjinks of the duck family, so if that corner of the Disney fandom is still alive maybe I will pop in their from time to time. I also happen to like a few live action shows.

But before that I want to close out the owl house with 1 (possibly a coupe more posts). This one is my recount and review of the Owl Houses final episode, and will focus on the families and connections at the end, as I feel they were the most important part of the episode, Warning long post and spoilers below.

I will start off with talking about Meeting Kings father and what we learned about Titans. We have comfirmation now that Titans do not have spouces/mates and reproduce Asexually. King’s dad did not object to being refered to as Dad, but was term wise both his dad and mom. Two things: 1 does this mean King (who doesn’t need labels right now because he is only 8) will grow up to be aroace, like Lilith? 2 this is confirmation that he will still be able to become a parent 1 day, which I am glad about, because we know he will outlive Eda, Lilith, and Luz and this way we know he will still be able to have a family again after they pass on. Also we now have confirmation that the baby titan skulls in the trapers room were kings brothers and sisters. Were the Full grown ones his oldest siblings or were they his dad’s siblings. Also the owl beast. I knew it...they? Were a titan, and that were were probably the last living one Bill mentioned since king as an egg couldn’t cry or run, and was still being hidden. At first I thought they might be his parent, but it looks like they are actually either his older sibling or his aunt/uncle... They are still inside his mom and aunt, so they are a part of his life.

So now on to King’s Dad as a parent. Because the Titans heart was still beating he actually was not completely gone. His spirit was alive in the in between realms and was watching over King, is shown to be delighted that his son found such a nice family to raise him, and is confirmed to have had a bit of a hand guiding Luz in how quickly she learned glyphs and wild magic. This all feels like methaphors for Heaven and Guardian Angels. I do not know what Dana belives or if she belives in anything. She certainly hasn’t been shy about making metaphors to the bad parts of religon/christianity. But i am glad she also made these refrences loving and positive. They can be comforting to those that have lost loved ones.

Now on to the Collector. First the older collectors aren’t his gaurdians, they are his older siblings. From their point of view the war between titans and collectors was just them being mean and breaking their baby brothers toys. Okay, they are jerks, and it was a horrible thing to do, but okay the show didn’t go full on SU diamonds parasitic route. This makes me feel a bit better about how our collectors arc ended. King’s family and He forgave each other and are good friends, the collector is confirmed to come visit them from time to time, but he went back to the Star’s to finish growing up. His siblings better feel bad about him having been stuck in thousand year time out because of them, and better leave his new friends alone now. Him going back was one of the three options I felt were possible and while not perfect I genuienly do think it was the best one. The collector was ultimelty to powerful to live on the isles full time without hurting someone, and with all the repairs and rebuilding needed to be done Eda and Raine did not have the time needed to watch him as much as he needed.

No lets go on To Luz. She moved back to the Human realm to live with her mother and sister, and graduate from earth school in graves field. It also looks like Camila was able to eventually forge the documents needed to adopt Vee in the human realm and send her to school with Luz. But we can see that a permenent portal was opened at the old house (how can Camila afford two houses on her single parent vetenairy income? Did she pay in snails and the seller think she had gold?). Luz, Camilia, and eventually Vee (wonder how long that took) made visitations to the demon realm. Luz had the option to chose which realm she wanted to live in once she grew up. It also looks like Eda got upgraded from being Luz’s temporary host parent to being like a God mothe rto her. Camila will always be Luz’s real mother, but Eda still getting to stay in their lives as support is for the best. Camilia and Luz went through so much when Manny died and they were struggling to deal with it by themsleves. I said in an earlier post that I believe the owl house to ultimately be about finding a community that is suportive of you. Camila, Luz, and Vee did not have that before, but they do now.

Now on to Hunter. So the final hints very strongly that he was adopted by Darius, not Camila, and not Eda (who FYI had no positive interactions with Hunter and should not have been considered as heavily as she was by fans). This again makes the most sense. While watchig Thanks to them when Hunter is mentioned to be happy and doing well in the human world I was like “Alright the story still works great if Hunter becomes Hunter Noceda. Darius can just be a mentor to him if he goes back to the iles in summers”. But then when he described the life he wanted at the end of the episode I was confused because everything he said was things he could only do in the demon realm. He wanted to go back perminently. I doubt Camila will ever want to fully live in the demon realm, Luz did probably need to live in both worlds until she was an adult to fully make a fair choice, and you know it took months/years for Vee to step foot there. I still hope Camila got to be Hunters God mom or was in his life as a surogate Aunt. Hey Darius and Eberwolf are implied to have become like Police officers, dedicated to stoping suporters of Belos’s system fromt trying to reinstate it. It thoretically could have been possible that they would be away for stretches and Hunter would need another adult to stay with some of the time.

Reminder of what Darius and Hunter’s relationship was like since a lot of it had to develop off screen. Darius and Hunter are strongly hinted to have started spending more time together post ASIAS, by Hollow Minds Darius had grown so fond of Hunter that he was ready to abort his cover to help him. When Hunter ran away from the EC Darius is confirmed to have tracked him down to ensure he was safe, and Hunter was comfortable leaving his hiding place to go on a mission Darius gave him (protect Luz while she went to break Amity out of the manor). Hunter was very worried/scared when he saw Darius on the stage at the Day of Unity. Also while Hunter did not put Darius’s picture on the wall he started sewing every piece of fabric he could find in the Noceda’s basement and would talk about how this was something he practiced with Darius. So he clearly missed him, but I do not think he realized how much Darius and Eberwolf missed HIM until they came looking for him after waking up. On the subject of Eberwolf and Hunter, I have seen the headcannon that Eberwolf calls Hunter pup/cub but can we as a fandom please come up with a term Hunter uses for Eberwolf. there is no way they call each other “Uncle” and “Nephew”. Those are definitly trigger word for Hunter.

Also the Blue bird Palisman Hunter eventually carved himself. I am glad its a bird, because Hunter had Palisman as therapy/support animals and birds were the animal he was most comfortable with. I want to name his new bird Bananas. Since Bananas, like Flapjacks, were a human food he was unfirmilar with in the demon realm. I am also so glad that show let him grieve Flapjack and take his time before getting a new palisman. Flapjack was Hunters biggest support during his darkest time and I was so afraid that they would trivialize his lose due to the shortened season. But no not only did they give him a grave that got visitited, not only did Hunter get a tattoo of Flapjack, but so did Willow and Luz, maybe Gus and Amity as well. Flapjack was so loved and so missed, as he should be.

 On to Alador x Darius. I ship the couple but I am so glad how it was handled, with them basically being confirmed to not get together for another 3-4 years. As cute as their dynamic is, it would have been extstreamly problamatic for them to get together soon after the battle with Belos. Alador was just getting out of a long, abusive, marriage. While we do not get a chance to fully explore Darius’s character and what caused him to close himself off from his old friends, we know he was working through some things and closing a chapter on a mission that had been a big focus f his life. Not to mention that both men had teenagrs who had been tramatized and needed/deserved to be their dad’s full focus for the time being. So for that I am glad we did not get the Blight-Deammone step family.

One kinda nice twist was that Alador decided he wanted to build medical machines and Emira was the child that ended up working with him. Emira was the child who seemed to have the least in common with Alador so I liked that they eventualy had something they could do together. A stranger surprise was Amity and Lilith’s reunion, and the strong hints that they started working together again and bonded. Dana dropped them being Mentor and protage like a hot potato after Covention day and was quick to post that they were never close/did not like each other when asked. So its kinda strange that she suddenly had them start caring and tried to portray Lilith as a strong female figure in Amity’s life after her seperating completely from Odalia. This is the big thing I feel should have been either explored more or dropped.

Lastly reagrding the end credits; I am upset that for how many clips we saw of both Steve and Matt towards the end we did not get a single on of them reuniting or together. Come on Show Why. That said I love the jobs they were shown to have afterwards. I expected Steve to maybe get an internship/assistant job at the museum with Lilith, since they were such good friends. Seeing him, still friends with Lilith, but also with the Catt’s and working to rehabilitate other coven scouts was so much better. And finding out that Matt became a hotshot architectural designer on the isles is just perfect. Also I spent 3/4ths of the End credits going “Where is Gus. Do not leave him out of this time jump”. Then I find out he graduated early and was teaching students about the human realm at Eda, Raine, and Lilith’s new university. The little genius. They’re is no confirmation that he and Matt ever got together, but Oh well. Maybe they did and are just not into PDA? maybe did and broke up/were on a break? Maybe they only ever stayed friends? It was my second favorite ship (besides Lumity) but if it didn’t happen that’s okay.

All in All this was the owl house final. It was exciting, intense, it tied up lose ends,and gave our charcters ends that while not perfect, where the best they could have been. Good job Dana. Good Job Owl House Crew. Thank you for the show. Its helped me a lot with getting through the past 3 years.

[aphantpoet]

Queer rep is not a vacuum

There is so much debate over what is and is not queer rep and it seems to change with each new show. For this I’m going to explore four series that I’m personally a fan of and break down their rep individually ;LOK, SPOP, TOH and Arcane. I will do it this way because Queer rep is not a vacuum.

It is first important to understand the perspective I’m coming at from this: so Yaama, if you don’t know me I’m a queer [Enby and Demi sexual lesbian]and indigenous [Australian] writer; I mainly write about queer people for queer people. I also want to say that I am not bashing any of these series, I love them all.

1. Korrasami

Korra and Asami have a slightly rocky relationship when they first meet but they become fast friends. Both characters are confirmed Bisexual and their relationship is far more obvious from a  queer perspective. They are far less explicit than other shows on this list but that is due to studio censorship.

The ship itself is really sweet. Both women are close and support each other with Korra writing to only Asami at one of the roughest times of her life.

This ship, being the first queer rep in Avatar, followed by Kya being confirmed as a lesbian, gets a lot of flack for being too subtle and not built up enough. As much as I do not like Some writers on the Avatar team, I do genuinely believe they were trying their best here.

The ship itself isn’t problematic and came at a time when there was little rep in mainstream media, let alone kids media. While it has it’s issues, it is some of the first rep kids in my generation saw. Sue me, I’ve got nostalgia.

2.SPOP

This is a contentious one but it cannot be denied that SPOP was full of Queer rep. Spinetossa, catradora, None of the princesses were straight and Double Trouble.

SPOP is unashamed of it’s queer rep and as world where no one is straight, no one is homophobic. This provides escapism that we as queer people sometimes need.

While Catradora has it’s criticisms, it’s a beautiful ship that underpins the narrative  and drives the plot. to call it “toxic” or “abusive” ignores the nuance of the story.

Spinetossa is a solid relationship that provides fluff and comedic relief in the darker episodes. they’re background characters but the nature of their relationship is clear from the start. they’re always together, they wear chokers with each other's colours . From the get go, before we even hear the cute nicknames we know they are a unit. 

Double Trouble , while  stemming from a problematic trope, is a solid character with complexities and comedy gold to spare. While the trope of making nonbinary characters non human is dodgy at best in a show where cis characters are also not human they don’t stand out too much so they can have a pass.

3. TOH

TOH is also unashamedly queer, Eda, Raine, Willow’s dads, Lumity, Edric.I’ve also seen commendations on the Neurodivergent rep  but that’s not my place.

Disney was obviously trying to censor things earlier on but around late season two A Dana stopped giving a shit and good for her. We got Edric having a partner, to quote his sister Emira “ After he accidentally sent  a love poem to THEIR mum”. Love that for him. The first Lumity kiss and them getting together and everything after it.

Willows dads’, minor and cliched as they may be do not come of a tokenistic, a nice change from other shows there the Mc’s best friend’s queer parents is often some of the only rep.

And Raine, a nonbinary person, who while not quite human isn’t an alien/robot/demon/spirit. They’re also a prominent character and their relationship with Eda is just a delight.

Cool Aunt Lilith, AroAce queen and all the flags in season three and it’s only the first episode.

there are some issues with Luz dating her friends ex bully but they address it and smooth it over.

4.Arcane

The biggest thing to come out of Arcane was CatVi/Violyn. I’ve seen some people ship Caitlyn and Jayce but that’s a small group.

Both character’s are confirmed as lesbians.While I love Luz I do find that lesbians do often get left behind in representation or claimed as Bi when they aren’t.

there’s not much else in terms of queer rep for Arcane but it’s very clearly a world where homophobia isn’t an issue.

The CatVi relationship is also important to the story and builds up over the first season. the show isn’t concerned with it but it’s nice to see.

All this to say, Queer rep isn’t a vacum, just because one series shows wholesome queer people and another shows messy,complicated queer love does not make either superior to the other. To put wholesome queer relationships over messy ones perpetuates respectability politics. Both can be good queer rep, both can be bad queer rep.

[savethepinecones]

What are your three favourite fanfic tropes and what are your favourite fanfics with those tropes?

ooh good question! heads up i dont read dnp fic much so these are gonna be for other fandoms :3

fake dating is my all time favorite trope. im a sucker for miscommunication and pining and this tends to bring both out in full force.

my fav fake dating fic is currently Meet Me in the Middle (Underneath the Mistletoe) by Princessfbi, which is a 911 buddie fic. i also really enjoyed Not Spring, Love or Cherry Blossoms by mr_todoroki. i havent read it in a while since i havent read bnha fics much lately but its kiribaku and its definitely one of the first fics im gonna reread when i inevitably get sucked back into the fandom lol

second is friends to lovers. again, because pining. also its probs related to my being aroace spec and not really getting how someone could catch feelings for someone before knowing them well but like. thats not important lol

my fav friends to lovers fics are tell me about despair by hattalove which is another buddie fic (you can tell what ive been focusing on lately lmao) and Don't Freak Out by Sarah_Sandwich. its a harley keener/peter parker fic that i absolutely adore

my last pick is gonna have to be emotional hurt/comfort. anything that makes me cry because it made my soul hurt

my fav fics for this are look at the stars (look how they shine for you) by todobakutodo hours (snowandfire) which is in my bookmarks as "absolutely my favorite todobaku" and Freezing from the Inside Out by 7ate9 which is yet another buddie fic lol

im on mobile so i cant make the fics links but i may come back and do that later idk. theyre all on ao3 tho if anyone wants to check them out! thanks for sending this, i really enjoyed answering :3

[thesilenceduser]

Welcome to Echo!!

Hello, wonderful Tumblr community! I'm Silent, and I'm thrilled to announce the start of a very special artistic project that I'll be sharing with all of you. Allow me to introduce myself and give you a glimpse into the world of Echo!

First things first, let's talk about myself. I go by they/it pronouns, but I'm also okay with male pronouns. Please avoid using female pronouns as they make me feel dysphoric. Your understanding and respect mean the world to me! I'm a 22-year-old Brazilian artist, proudly identifying as AroAce and non-binary. As an autistic and ADHD individual, my journey of self-expression through art is deeply intertwined with my personal experiences and emotions. I'm part of various fandoms, but my main hyperfixations right now are Hollow Knight and QSMP. While I'm actively engaged in the QSMP community, I also have a deep love for horror media and enigmas.

Now, let's dive into the heart of the project: Echo. Echo is a fantasy world that serves as a reflection of my personal life, infused with a medieval-modern setting. Within this realm, the main focus revolves around two significant aspects of my journey: my found family and my complex relationship with my disowned mother. In Echo, my found family represents the incredible individuals who have become my online friends and chosen family. Their support and love have made a profound impact on my life, and I'm excited to celebrate them through this project. On the other hand, my relationship with my disowned mother will also be shown. She mirrors my real-life mother, who is manipulative, abusive, and sadly, highly phobic towards the LGBT community. Although I currently live in another city for studies, I am occasionally forced to return to my abusive mother's presence. During those times, I must conceal many aspects of my true self and endure the hardships it brings. In Echo, the characters are predominantly fictional, but with full consent, I may include some real-life individuals who have played significant roles in my life. Their involvement will always be with their permission and respect for their boundaries. Throughout this journey, I'll be sharing a mix of drawings, mini comics (often 1 or 2 panels), and occasional mini animations for platforms like TikTok. As we progress, I'll introduce you to the characters of Echo, unveiling their unique stories and personalities. In addition to Echo, I'll also be sharing fan arts and art studies inspired by the various fandoms that ignite my creativity. It's always exciting to delve into the worlds crafted by other creators and express my admiration through my art. To add to that, ill slowly be redrawing some past arts and posting them here, so if you feel like you have seen some piece before, it’s because ill be moving them here as I redraw.

Before I wrap up this introduction, I want to address two important boundaries.

I experience severe speech anxiety, so if we ever become friends, please understand that I may not feel comfortable talking. This is one aspect that will be shown frequently in Echo as Silent is selective mute. I also reinforce to avoidt using female pronouns towards me. Your patience and understanding in this regard would mean the world to me.

But to end this, I thank you for taking the time to read this post and being a part of my artistic journey. Your support and presence here means everything to me. Let's create a safe and inclusive space where we can share our passions, celebrate diversity, and build a strong community together. Stay tuned for upcoming posts, as Echo and its captivating characters unfold before your eyes. Get ready for a mix of fantasy, emotion, and personal growth. Let's embark on this incredible adventure together!

Silent, signing off for now!

[lunarrosette]

@misterdadguy made the mistake of asking so here is my full annotation line by line of how ‘becoming the last names’ by will would is a sparrow song

Quick preface/content warning - this interpretation/annotation contains some internalized and brief mentions of externalized aphobia/arophobia and ableism. If these are thing you don’t wanna read just keep scrolling. Also anytime I refer to something as “normal” I’m using this term very loosely and as what society deems as “normal” as nothing is really normal.

Okay I feel like my takes for both the song and Sparrow are important things to preface this so

Song interpretation: I read the song as a critique of traditional marriages and comparing your relationships and futures to others. But this critique comes from the person going through these things despite how they may feel and ignores them to not upset anyone.

Sparrow: Oh ho ho ho, so chronologically, Sparrow is traumatized from his experience in the Forgotten Realms, but develops a more avoidant trauma response to this. This is added onto with the guilt of helping summon the doodler and likely being the peacekeeper between his father and brother. I also headcanon Sparrow and Lark having skipped a grade putting a distance between them and their classmates. This is then amplified as they are already weird kids and now return from the Forgotten Realms as weird traumatized kids. Essentially what I’m saying is Sparrow was probably bullied throughout middle and high school. This is what instilled his desire for normality. I also am a big aroace Sparrow headcanoner which would definitely add to him feeling weird and different and out of place. I don’t think Sparrow has really realized he’s aroace at this point in canon, as I do believe he deeply cares for Rebecca in platonic way but has confused that for romantic love. Sparrow’s treatment of normal is based upon how he was treated in school. Some neurodivergent parents (especially those who went undiagnosed) push their ideas of normality and/or masking to try to protect their children from the bullying and trauma they went through. This is what I think Sparrow is doing.

Don't take the following words as reverence for tradition

I've learned to pick my battles by losing most I've fought

As Sparrow was likely the peacekeeper in the Oak-Garcia family, he may have not picked battles but it likely always felt he lost them. There was likely never any real point of Henry and Larks arguments other than to argue and Sparrow was commonly in the crossfire trying to keep peace. So he’s learned what arguments to try to ease and what to stay out of completely

The more mores subverted, the more I sense I'm missing

That sense of real normality Sparrow craves, the more he subverts tradition the more he feels he’s missed a “normal life”, pretty straight forward with this one

And I'll always do it my way, even if that's just the same way I was taught

I feel this applies a lot with parenting as his approach is a lot like a mix between Henry and Barry’s style. While Sparrow does genuinely care and love Normal and tries to parent him in a way similar to Henry, he still has that condescending nature he likely picked up from being exposed to Barry. It also applies to their philosophy with the doodle, Sparrow did not seem super accepting to change, just kill the doodler because that’s what Lark told me.

I'll bring home the bread and you'll stay home and bake it

Again playing into traditional roles in marriages, the normalcy Sparrow wants.

Weeding out the garden where the milestones gather moss

As a younger person Sparrow likely had lots of dreams of things he would want to do but because of his own shift in ideals he’s given up on them, depending on how you takes these lyrics those given up milestones could be the owns gathering moss as a gravestone would

Crack a smile at my vows, and whisper "wow, can you believe we really made it?"

As I give up on dodging rice, and fold my cape, I say "obviously not"

I think this idea of a normal marriage is something Sparrow never wanted until much later and life and by that point he may have given up on himself that he was able to do so. This also plays into my own aroace Sparrow headcanon that this is something he could never really imagine but yet it still is real.

But I want to be just like my parents before I was born

Oh can we be just like my parents?

Longing for a sense of normalcy, in the traditional nuclear family marriage before children are born is that “honeymoon phase” where the couple is truly infatuated with one another. Sparrow wants to go through all of these traditional steps.

I know you don't want kids but think about a daughter

We could name her Gwendolyn, like mom would have called me

Again with following the traditional steps of a “perfect marriage” having kids and names that have some form of familial ties

I'm not sure yet myself, but I learned from a good father

Yeah, I mean sure, they messed me up. But I think that's just the gig

Honestly this line is just like the whole moral of S2. Like the S1 dads tried to break the cycle and were good dads, but it still fucked up their sons. And that be extent fucked up their children.

And maybe it's just some hormones that kick in in your late twenties

Aroace Sparrow Aroace Sparrow. The idea that this love he thinks he’s supposed to feel and have will come in eventually and is just a thing that’ll happen later in life is such an idea society instills in us. So Sparrow think eventually I will love her like I’m supposed to

But I have laid a lot of women, and now I'd like to just lay down

He’s given up, back again with the aroace Sparrow. I believe that Sparrow and Rebecca both deeply care for each other but Sparrow just doesn’t in the romantic way (because he’s aroace because it’s my headcanon and character interpretation.) but he’s decided to settle because his feelings for her are the closest thing he’s felt to love i guess its good enough

And marriage always scared me, but I'd like to have a last love

And love can last a pretty good long while. I've seen it around

I think the fear of like these are things I’m supposed to do but I don’t want to once again spreading my aroace sparrow agenda. Also his parents loved each other a lot and like that’s just the last bit pretty straightforward.

Oh, can we be just like my parents when I was young?

Why can't we be just like my parents?

That idea that Sparrow feels like something is wrong with him, that even his parents who were the antithesis of normal could still have a marriage and be in love. As previously stated this interpretation of this song is push my aroace sparrow propaganda and his internalization of it (likely from bullying and social pressures but that's another story)

Tongue out of my cheek now, I'm done pulling faces

Iconoclasm wanes. My cynicism tires

Sparrow begins to fully conform to what society and the people around him expect him to be, he’s lost that carefree and slightly rebellious nature he had as a child, hes done “pulling faces”. He does trying to push away social norms and traditions he’s done critiquing it. He just tired.

But what do I know bout forever when so far, I've been so fleeting?

The nature of his current job as at D.A.D.D.I.E.S is like that. At any instance he could lose his friends, people he knows, place, and himself to the Doodler. But also returns to the childhood trauma of being sent to the forgotten realms and his brother bringing the apocalypse, all of these things happened in an instant and completely changed and took away things he cared about.

Babe, my frontal lobe's done growing; this might just be how I'm wired

Sparrow is slightly accepting this is just how he is. He doesn’t think he can change so he should just accept things as they are now.

But now we're kissing before brushing, smile with our whole faces

Sparrow feels as thought things are moving quickly or out of order because he doesn’t know what a tradition romantic relationship should look like. He never grew up with one with his parents (love the oaks but they are obviously weird as fuck)

If you want a hyphen last name I guess I don't mind the cadence

(Haha hyphen last names and the oaks [oak-swallows-garcia ass]) Also the element of people pleasing the things like “Oh I don’t really care, whatever you prefer” but with something so important as your name

I've seen home videos. I was there back in the 80's

And if I'm just them and they back then could do it, why can't I?

Back with the wanting to be “normal” why can’t I be like everyone else

Just like my parents in due time

Imagine me, just like my parents? Yeah, right

The accepting that he will not be like his parents however this is more to push away them as Henry and Mercedes are not exactly traditional

'Cause I've made more mistakes, than simple empty moments

Summoning the doodler, yada yada, Sparrow has a lot of regrets of things he has done, he feels he’s made a million mistakes

Each one as out of character as you know I tend to be

This is a bit of stretch but I also feel Sparrow may have developed some identity issues from being so attached to, similar, and codependent on Lark. So what really is out of character if he cannot define his, maybe everything is.

There'll be scalpers at the cemetery gates, with all my would-be widows weeping

I'd have forgotten all their names, so why should you remember me?

“Would be widows” is what stands out to me as honestly Rebecca could’ve been anyone, there were probably many other people he cared for in high school that he could’ve decided he was in love with and married. But ultimately these people don’t really matter

But if we grow old together and you talk to my headstone

That is, assuming that I die first, (which is fair) and assuming I don't leave

“Assuming that I die first” it’s likely he would and Sparrow is very aware of that. At any moment he could be killed working for daddies and his family would probably not really know what really happened

Close enough to forever, I guess, to prove what I hoped

What he hopes is that he’s “normal” and by that that he is capable of loving someone romantically and of a happy fulfilled marriage

I mean otherwise how am I to believe?

How is he to believe he he can ever be what society deems as “normal” and “correct”

[sapphireorison]

Good morning, loves. It's been a good long while. <3

I've recently come out my hibernation and am starting to want to tinker with my brain a little bit. Of course, I come back to this blog to do so. Idk, there's just something about this particular space that lends me to more productive navel-gazing.

I think it has to do with trying to put things into thoughts that others can understand. Because while I might 'get it,' whatever it is, can I also explain it to myself? I feel like that's very important.

Also, I realized that I have done exactly zero spiritual growth since the plague hit, but in a self-protective kind of way. This I would like to fix, because (shockingly) I like growing as a person and learning new things that I'm capable of. I have gotten very good at anxiety mitigation and learning how to recover from major stressors, but that's all just getting me back to baseline. (Though I HAVE a good equilibrium of a baseline, now, which is...novel? New. I like it.)

Some things I've been prodding at more recently (here, have a bunch of personal bullshit, ilu):

I've been reading that City Magick book, which is kind of fun and I already have quite a few thoughts about it. I've been taking notes, so we'll see if I have something coherent to say about it afterwards.

I've also realized that I've been stripping my pop occulture elements from my practice to the point where I'm only keeping the useful and resonant bits. They're far more abstractions now. Useful, but mine. Keeping the jewels, because of what I've made them mean, but...mmm. Many thoughts, tbh. I'm shedding a few of the incorrectly fitting metaphors, though, because I've figured out why they don't fit.

Sometime in the past however long, I finally came to full terms with being aroace, which...has a lot of very interesting implications for just how polyam I am, and what kind of—look. Look. There are very few places for really ~interestingly developed qpr polycules and figuring that out has made a lot of things snap into a really crisp high-def oh shit. Which has also made it a lot easier to ditch some of the constructs I created to protect myself that I don't need. (Though some of them I am legit sad about leaving behind, I outgrew them. Gotta leave behind the husk, yanno?)

Addendum: this past pride with me having decided 'yeah, actually, aroace here' with enough confidence to think it's relevant to pride was...weird? Interesting? I liked it, but it was definitely a thing.

Still very much interested in my Lifeblood of the City project, where I am doing research into genius loci and (ofc) urban witchery. Both in general but also as part of trying to connect with LA. Learning to love a place and a time and, hopefully, to incorporate everything about it into some sort of working practice. If I have to drive hours to hit wilderness, a lot of witchery need not apply.

But also, the above is very much a, hrm, well, I uprooted myself, right? So I feel/felt that sharp and angry disconnect with where I've been transplanted. All of the research I've been doing has been, in a very concrete way, giving me insight and access to a city that I never wanted to live in and who I must live in for the rest of the foreseeable future. So. Spiritual implications of spiritual research, but not in the way you'd think.

Though, of course, I've been here for nearly ten years and I am rather hopelessly fond of many parts of the city, now. Enough that I was arguing with the City Magick book in my notes at its characterization of a city's energy as so often too negative. So. A good point in the project to be reading this book, I think, ahha.

Vaguely grumpy that the one book I want to read re: Genius Loci is VERY out of print (like the publisher went belly up) and the author's last 'thinking about self-pub!' was last in June. If I could just FIND a copy...

Let's see...beyond ALL THAT, I'm about to hit a growth phase in my career, too, and with the fall approaching, all things feel very possible to me. I always kind of wake up as soon as summer ends.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm back, but I do know that I'm pleased to have scribbled down some of these thoughts. I hope you all have a lovely day. <3<3

[variousqueerthings]

okidoki, @elsonambulo and I have been having fun conversations about reading Amanda as aro --

EDIT: this has been in my drafts for months. pre-s5 months, so I probably won’t mention s5 much in here because I cannot remember toooo much rn (I will rewatch it) @elsonambulo I lied to you, I found it and I wrote some more and now I’m posting it-

going through some interesting thoughts that I wonder if exists amongst other people who are aro themselves (I get the same feeling when I hc characters as ace + aroace) of internalised Stuff that makes one feel like that headcanon is somehow “less allowed” than others -- ex. it would be easy to say “oh of course Amanda is now conveniently aro, because then you can have her and Daniel divorce, so he can hook up with Johnny or Chozen or whoever,” and to be clear, nobody has said those things to me!

but those things exist in my head (and they exist because aromanticism and asexuality are considered less interesting in narrative -- too complicated, not dramatic enough, and definitely not normal enough! surprise, it’s just classic queerphobia).

So in honour of saying “fuck you” to internalised stuff, let’s look at why aromantic Amanda is very compelling -- including the idea that... maybe she would have that sort of internalised thinking as well that could stop her from being able to pursue these ideas within herself

Here’s something the ever-intelligent elsonambulo and I talked about (shared with permission):

VQT: considering how gung-ho this season was about the perfect nuclear family, it's just making me even more interested in exploring those cracks! and amanda is such untapped Potential

E: There's just So Much there with her. She is not a traditional wife or mother by any means and I'm sure the writers patted themselves on the back for that and just stopped thinking about it but we know there's more there. She speaks to us jghgg

VQT: it's the mix of how daniel gets the most important moments with sam + presents himself as the family-minded in more personal/smaller-scale ways to amanda's focus on making sure the business continues to run and the notion of what Makes a family and why is it important to maintain it (and what is it maintained on -- is it love? respect? communication? mutual agreement? shared goals?)-- and of course that amanda, while better off than other women on the show, is still full of gaps where her motivations would be, so we're free to invent them!

AND that these notions of "what a woman should do" are so to the left with her/you see her struggling with "performing" marriage and motherhood

E: I will never be over how in making Sam the karate larusso instead of Anthony and in making Daniel an all in family man to contrast with Johnny, the writers almost had to make Amanda the practical go-getter.

And it's clear it's a happy marriage, because the point was that Daniel just kept winning at life. But when audiences get happy marriage + stay at home dad energy + a woman who is, in the end, there to play the role of wife and is therefore not as present as the man, then questions start to come up. Questions like yours about what it takes to maintain a family and a marriage and what a marriage is based on, but also questions on who this woman is and what her motivations and inner thoughts might be.

Because, like you said, she's in the role of wife and mother but she occupies that role differently than others do. So what's the deal there? Yeah maybe she's just "not like other girls" but that's boring ghhjh. Not enough meat in that

First things first, slow clap for that last message!

Secondly, broadly and vaguely perhaps, but reading Amanda as aromantic is simply an incredibly interesting way of queering the text with Intention. I’m under no illusions that the word probably doesn’t even exist in the lexicon of the writers, never mind the ability to compute it into narrative

Amanda doesn’t suffer as much as Carmen in terms of being allowed action and motivation and some internal life, by far. But the creators of the show probably haven’t gone much further than, “ok she’s a little more badass, she’s practical and pragmatic,” and if we were to go a stretch further (and to echo Elsonambulo) there’s also a tie-in to Daniel being a little less acceptable as a guy, because he’s taking on a family-man role

She’s not entirely trapped in the home (like Carmen almost always is) -- in the first couple of seasons she’s in the dealership a lot (a different sort of trapped) and her most emotional moment with Sam happens while Daniel is noticeably away in Okinawa, and then in s5 (which I do have to rewatch) she’s “karate adjacent” which is pretty great, and there’s the babe ruthless moment which, like many things, is kind of a mixed bag for me. 

(“why are they in a womens’ only bar” I ask, wondering if the writers have heard of lesbianism. “why are they suddenly fighting?” “okay but babe ruthless is a genuinely killer name”)

She’s equally practical about the marriage, which is another place to use the crowbar and look underneath for some fun aro-reading. Daniel isn’t putting in the work that’s promised in the marriage and Amanda seems to be calmly moving towards something like a separation, until he promises to make it up and course correct -- the placement of her (dealership) with the narrative about the marriage, can easily be analysed from the perspective of said marriage being equally a business. This not meant coldly -- after all, she is incredibly fond of Daniel and wants them to run these things together -- but simply... practically

So now imagining this practical woman and this highly romantic man -- so romantic that it’s kind of catching and charming and you do wanna just do things to him, and yeah, this is probably what love is, and besides what references does amanda have? that time her parent cheated with her maths tutor and she fucked up that tutors car?

more important than deep, deep emotion of the kind apparently seen in other relationships (dubious, footage not found), is something that works and is good with someone you care about, and also are attracted to! 

- here I note that I know this was once meant to be a much longer text, but it’s been a few months, so much of the thought process has gotten a bit muddled since, but I wanna just post it as-is. the main conclusion is

1. young!Amanda who doesn’t feel the way other girls feel about the whole cute falling-in-love type thing, and is rather just very sexually confident and gravitates towards Daniel’s whole Thing in the way a lot of the guys do, but without the toxic masculinity or Need For Ownership that they seem to have -- but his magnetism, his open charm, his ability to work hard, his honesty-

2. which speaking of honesty, do headcanon a large part of her own private “fuck this whole thing” is discovering he has a secret past of karate trauma that she simply wasn’t let in on, which is Breaking The Marriage Deal 

3. I wonder as well -- in terms of that pragmatism it’s not simply that she’s aro, but there’s an element of some kind of neurodivergency in that. she’ll go for the steps that seem most correct to her, and unless genuinely freaked out (the house alarm going off, Daniel having his breakdown in s5 about Silver, Sam getting hurt), she’s quite cool about most things

4. Amanda slipping under the radar, because she’s simply -- from the outside -- a very confident, capable, heterosexually married woman, and that is the Image she likes to present, but canonically she has this whole side to her that she’s very effectively buried, that may not be as extreme as karate-rivals, but is evidence of her as not this picture-perfect being

5. and so this whole process of karate rivals coming out of the woodworks on Daniel’s side, offers her a chance to think of some stuff on her side, like why she does the things she does, and why she’s in this marriage, and what is important to her about it (and is it this nebulous idea of “love” or is it something more hardy, more pragmatic, more physical -- like a business and kids)

6. not to say her dedication to Daniel isn’t real, but she has to go through what exactly that consists of, and why Daniel matters to her, and also she’s not onboard -- not with Kreese and not with Silver -- until she has real, tangible proof that they’re bad guys who can directly threaten the things she and Daniel have built. so she’s not with Daniel through everything no matter what, she’s with him on the condition that his whole deal is something that can at some point presumably be ended through fighting back. if it were just that Daniel was having a breakdown of some kind, she was ready to call it broke and pack up the kids

7. this might seem cold from the outside, but it just makes good sense. and again, does not mean she doesn’t care for Daniel, just that she’s not in it for the true love, she’s in it for the contract they’ve made (truly truly wonder what would happen if Kumiko and Amanda were onscreen together, alongside Daniel) 

8. Amanda going through this process and maybe wanting to lean into her bisexuality more? just try some things out? if it won’t ruin her marriage, and it won’t ruin her business, and she’s not deemed a slut, then... actually that feels quite appealing? 

9. Amanda’s queer karate awakening deserves to happen is all I’m saying. we already know that she’s just as into it as other characters.... 

10. there’s more thoughts but this is kind of the gist of it all. Amanda isn’t technically closeted, because she doesn’t even have the vocabulary, she’s just aware that she’s in it for other things than is traditionally expected, but she’s not “struggling” per se with her identity, because she’s not even aware of the option

11. you know those middle-aged men that are like “yeah I fucked around with a guy when I was in my late teens/early 20s but then I got married so I’m straight” -- Amanda has those vibes but with women + bonus “and I got married because that’s the thing that’s expected of me and it was the best way to merge my interest in running a business with performing correct womanhood, and he gives good head, so I’m just winning all around. what do you mean he has several men in his past who are obsessed with him to the point of violence????”