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americancowgirl19 · 3 years

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Eyes of the Devil

Summary: Pietro finds someone faster than him and you find your missing piece.

Warnings: violence, curse words, angst?, fluff

Reader: I wrote this with the reader being a male but it could be read as gender neutral; Male Vampire Reader

Pairings: Pietro x Male Vampire Reader (Gender Neutral); Laura Barton x Male Vampire Reader (Platonic)

Word Count: 3,312

A/n: Reader speaks Slavic. According to Google Translate = Moja duša - My soul. Malá holubica - Little dove. Malý - Little one.... I plan on doing more one shots in relation to this one. I wouldn’t really call it a series just a collection of random one shots with Pietro and this type of reader. Let me know if you wanna be tagged in them or if you have a request for a specific one shot you wanna see. This one shot was really just a starter for those future one shots coming.

Masterlist

If you were being honest, you didn’t know how old you were. You knew you were at least a few millennia’s old but after the first thousand years, who cares to keep track?

You also knew that life could get very boring if you didn’t spice things up a little bit. Being a part time Avenger did just the thing for you. You didn’t care enough to help out full time but you were there if they were dealing with something extra tricky. Like an alien invasion or enhanced individuals.

It had been a hot minute since you had seen the rest of the team and was pleasantly surprised to get a call from them. Apparently Hydra had managed to pass abilities from Loki’s scepter onto humans giving them powers. One of them had an ability you shared thus pushing the Avenger’s to call you in.

Of course, you had a life of your own (surprisingly) and couldn’t just drop everything to help them. Although, once you managed to push your responsibilities to a loyal friend you left to track down the team.

This lead you to a seemingly abandoned factory. Shocker.

You stayed in the shadows, undetected by everyone on the lower levels. You listened to the exchange between your team and the large robot. Your eyes then fluttered to the two that stood on the robots side. You deducted that those were the special individuals the team had called you in for.

You took in a deep breath, separating their scent from the others. You could sense the power coursing through their veins. While they had both gotten their abilities from the same source, you knew that they were very different.

If you gambled you would bet that the man was the speedster that Clint had complained about. Apparently he was a cocky little bastard. You didn’t have to know the guy to know he was arrogant. He stood tall, his chest slightly puffed out and his chin high.

The talking didn’t last long before a brawl broke out. Your eyes followed the male as he zoomed around the room. While it would be impossible for the others to see him moving at such speeds, it was as if he were walking to you.

He started coming your way, oblivious to the fact that you were even in the building. When he got close enough you stepped out and slammed a punch in his jaw. The force knocked him out of motion and over the railing. You watched as he fell to the main floor.

He groans, rolling onto his side as you land silently in front of him. Your entire body is covered making it impossible for him to see what you look like. Even your face, head and eyes were covered by some form of cloth or glasses.

“What? You didn’t see that coming?” You ask, smirking behind the face covering.

You had to admit, with Clint’s description of him you were expecting him to look different. Instead he’s older and more attractive. The arrogance clung to the air around him and it only drew you in.

“Welcome to the party, Y/n,” Clint greets from somewhere in the building. You didn’t respond knowing he wouldn’t be able to hear you like you could hear him.

“Who are you?” The man asks, standing up on his feet. The Sokovian accent thick on his tongue.

“Someone you don’t want to piss off,” You warn fairly. He scoffs, causing your smirk to deepen. “Wood of advice, stay out of the way, Moja duša” You said, the name rolling off your tongue so casually you didn’t realize what you had said at first. When you do realize, the weight of the situation falls onto your shoulders.

You stare at the man in front of you, his eyebrows furrowed. You knew that he could translate the words but he did not know the true meaning of them. Before he could ask anything, you sped out of sight.

You help out the rest of the team whilst keeping an eye on the speedster. After a few minutes, you noticed the others slowly begin to drop. Natasha stopped responding, Thor was muttering to himself and Steve looked lost. You could hear Hulk going on a rampage with Tony trying to stop him.

You snap out of it when you sense a presence behind you. It didn’t take a genius to figure out it was the witch that had single handedly taken down the team.

When she got close enough to you, you whipped around and wrapped your hand around her throat. Her eyes widened and she becomes panicked. Her hand claws at your wrist as you lift her a few inch off the ground to become eyelevel with you.

“There is no nightmare you can show me that I haven’t already lived,” You hiss, tightening your grip around her. “Be careful, little witch, or you’ll find a fight you can’t win,”

You see, out of the corner of your eye, her brother speeding to her rescue. You hold onto her for a moment longer before dropping her to the ground and wrapping that same hand around his throat. While your grip is firm, it doesn’t constrict his airway. You take a moment to admire how he looks with your hand around his throat. An unseeable grin comes to your lips.

“Are you mentally challenged or do you just not listen?” You ask, tilting your head. He glares and fights your grip but it’s iron tight. “Take your sister and run far away, Moja duša,” You tell him, the name slipping your tongue once again.

“Who are you?” He asks, once again.

“Someone who will get you killed,” You tell him. You hand slowly leaves his neck. He stands there, observing you pensively. When he blinks, you’re out of sight.

...

You stuck around with the team. You got caught up on what was going on and what had happened since you last saw them. They asked if you would stay for a bit longer and your agreed.

You spent the night at Clint's with the others. His children hanging off of you as if you were a jungle gym. You tossed them into the air as many times as they pleaded you too. You also sped them around and played games with them. Even if you didn’t want to admit it, the children had you wrapped around your finger. They have since they were born.

When you weren’t entertaining children, you’re mind lingering on the male enhanced. You had learned their names through Steve. Wanda and Pietro.

You found yourself whispering his name as the night rolled on. You would smile a bit but it never lasted. You knew what he was to you and you to him. You also knew nothing could come of it, no matter how much you desired.

“You’re up late,” Your head snaps to the side to see Laura waddling into the kitchen. You winced when she flicks the lights on. She mutters a small apology.

“I don’t sleep, remember?” You reminded her.

“Ah, right,” She whispers. “In my defense, I have pregnancy brain mixed with morning brain,” She admits. “I’m forgetful,”

“I’ve known you since you were a child, how could you forget me?” You question, smirking at her. “I feel as if I’m quite unforgettable,” You admit, watching as she reaches for a glass to fill with water.

"I can’t forget you because you continue to pop up in the most random moments demanding for attention,” Laura tells you, slowly lowering herself into a seat at the table.

“I may be an isolated creature but even I need some socializing,” You tell her. She motions for you to sit as she sips on her water. “You should go back to sleep, Clint will be leaving in the morning. You need your rest, malá holubica,” You whisper to her.

“You leave as well and who knows when the next time you’re going to pop in,” She says, patting the spot beside her. Her eyes pour into yours. Without the threat of the sun, you didn’t need so much covering. You stayed in your trousers and vest but your arms, neck and head were exposed. “Don’t make me beg for you to sit next to me,”

Sighing, you give into her wishes. You glide across the floor and sit beside her. She shifts so that the both of you are face to face. One of her hands rest on her stomach while the other falls onto your lap. You smile a bit, holding her hand within yours.

“Something’s on your mind,” She mutters.

“Something’s always on my mind,” You whisper back, keeping your gaze on her hand. It’s significantly smaller their yours. It reminds you how fragile she is compared to you. “Its nothing for you to worry about,” You assure her.

“Well, we can still talk about it and make conversation,” Laura smiles.

“There’s plenty of other things to talk about, it’s been a while since we've seen each other,” You said, finally meeting her gaze. She doesn’t say anything for a moment as she stares into your eyes. She’s always been fascinated with them. They’re so inhuman. It always amused you how she found something about you, that struck fear and panic into so many, so beautiful.

The color of your iris’s are different shades of red. The red around your narrow pupil is bright and rich before transitioning into a deeper, darker red. The dark red seemed the slowly blend into the blackness of your sclera. Although, at the moment your eyes are significantly darker than normal as your throat continues to ache with hunger.

“You need to feed,” She tells you. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Dinner was lovely,” You comment. Her eyes narrow. “I’m fine, malá holubica,”

“You need to take care of yourself,” She scolds.

“What will happen if I don’t? I’ll die?” You growl, your hand clutching her a smidge too tight. Your anger vanishes when you notice her subtle flinch. “I’m sorry,” You whisper, gentle massaging away the ache you had caused in her hand.

“What happened today?” She asks. “Did you get affected like the others?” You smile, laughing quietly.

“No amateur witch can sneak up on me, you should have more faith in me than that,” You tell her.

“Then what’s going on?” She asks you. “You’ve been distant, lost in your own world. You snapped at me, you never snap at me,” She playfully pouts.

“I apologized, malý,” You practically whined. She smiles giving your hand a squeeze.

“I know but it just shows that something is bothering you... I won’t be able to sleep unless we talk this out,” She threatens. You narrow your eyes at her. “Like you said, I’ve known you since I was a little girl. You can’t intimidate me,” Your glaring snarl turns into a pout. “Talk to me,” Sighing, you give in.

“Moja duša,” You whisper. Laura stares at you.

“My soul,” She mumbles under her breath. “Dimitri?” Your dead heart pangs at the sound of his name. Her face softens, her hand gripping yours in comfort.

“Pietro,” You correct her.

“Pietro?” She questions. “As in..?” You nod. “Maybe this is fates way of using you to get him and his sister on the right path,”

“Or it’s way of cursing me into another heartbreak,” You growl, withdrawing your hand from hers. You stand and return to your spot by the window. “The fates are cruel and hateful,” You snap.

“You don’t mean that,” She whispers. “She never meant to bring you more pain. She only wanted you to find unconditional love during a heartless time,”

“She should have kept to herself,” You growled. “Should have left me to my isolation. If she had she would still be alive and I would be-”

“Alone,” Laura cuts you off. “Your sister didn’t want you to live alone. She knew she couldn’t live as long as you. She knew you would outgrow everyone you knew,”

“Way to cheer me up,” You mumble. Laura sighs, pushing herself out of her chair. “Point is, this wasn’t supposed to be a curse... She had the right intentions,” She mutters, rubbing your back gently.

“I miss her,” You whisper, closing your eyes tightly.

“I know but you have me for the time being,” Laura whispers, hugging you tightly. You wrapped your arms around her, resting your chin on the crown of her head.

“Have I ever told you how similar your soul is to hers?” You whisper. “It’s what drew me to you... It’s like I have her back through you,”

“I just want you to be happy, she would too,”

“Can you women just let me find my own happiness on my own terms and stop meddling with things?” You grumble. She laughs quietly.

“We can’t help it,” She whispers. “I love you, Y/n,” She whispers.

“I love you too, malá holubica,” You whisper, kissing her head. “Now, you’re caught up on the drama’s of my life. Please, go get some rest,”

“Fine,” She sighs. “But do me a favor,” You sigh as she steps away from you. “Think about the good that will happen if you let Pietro in instead of pushing him away. Then remember all the times you tried to push them away but ended up holding them close,”

“Why am I so open with you about my past?” You sigh. “All you do is throw it in my face,” She laugh, gently tapping your face.

“Think about it,”

...

In the morning, you left with your team. You gave the kids extra long hugs before giving an equally tight hug to Laura. She scolds you for not visiting more and you promise to change that before climbing onto the jet.

When you find Ultron, you stick with Steve. The two of you fight the large robot to keep him occupied. While Steve managed to push the tin man around a bit, your punches managed to dent his plating.

Ultron began to put his focus towards you, which you found flattering. You took the brunt of the punches while Steve basically danced around him. The both of you were managing to fight off the robot when Ultron got a hand on your hood and ripped the jacket off of your body.

You screamed as your arms, neck and face began to burn under the sun’s rays. You barely register Steve tackling Ultron into a train. You fall to your knees feeling your skin begin to catch on fire.

Your mind pushes you through the pain. You look for shade but before you can run for cover your being grabbed and put onto the train. You lean against the wall, away from the sun.

You breathe heavily, your eyes opening a little to see Pietro kneeling in front of you. There’s concern in his eyes and despite the pain you’re in you smile.

“Perfect timing, Moja duša,” You pant.

“Y/n, you alright?” Steve asks, standing beside you. You just give him the thumbs up. “Lost sight of Ultron, there’s civilian’s in our path,” Steve say looking to Pietro knowing that your body is too focused on healing to help.

“Go,” You whisper, seeing his hesitance. Pietro nods and speeds off. You groan when the train goes off the rails.

“You sure you’re going to pull through?” Steve asks, once the train stops. While the burns on your skin were to a lesser degree they were still red and you were still sore.

“Just help me up,” You grumble, holding out a hand. Steve grips it and hauls you to your feel. “Fucking robots and trains... I miss the days when humanity didn’t have fucking technology,” You grumble, following Steve off the train.

“-need to take a minute,” Pietro pants.

“I’m very tempted not to give you one,” Steve snaps, marching up to him.

“The Cradle, did you get it?”

“Stark will take care of it,” Steve assures them as you speed past the sun and back into the shade. Pietro stares at you for a moment before disappearing only to reappear with a sweatshirt. He hands it to you.

“Thanks,” You mutter, pulling it on to shield you from the sun.

“Don’t mention it,” He smirks.

...

Vision’s introduction was dramatic, to say the least. You stayed out of the drama. The only reason you continued to stick around was for Pietro. Although, you weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Death follows you wherever you go, even more so than the Avengers.

You knew you needed to make a decision soon before the bond got to the point where you couldn’t leave. It didn’t help that Pietro didn’t respect the distance you were putting between the two of you. He followed you around like a damn puppy.

“What are you?” He asks.

“Take a wild guess,” You say, looking through the fridge for something to drink.

“I can only think of myths and legends... Stories to scare children,”

“You believe in talking robots but not me?” You ask, turning towards him with a blood bag in hand. He watches as your fangs extend and sink into the bag.

“So, you are real...” Pietro mutters.

“Unfortunately,” You mutter, tossing the empty bag to the side.

“What does Moja duša mean?”

“You know what it means,”

“I don’t think I do,” He says moving toward you. “I think it means something more to you,”

“Stop,” You tell him but he doesn’t until you’re toe to toe.

“My grandmother would tell my sister and I stories about you... or your kind,” He tells you. “Said that certain people were cursed to be stuck with your kind for eternity,”

“She’s right... it is a curse,” You tell him.

“Doesn’t feel like it,” He tells you.

“Candy, bread, beer, it all tastes good but they’re not necessarily good for you,” You tell him. “Think of this on a much bigger, much deadlier scale,”

“Sounds exciting,” He smirks. You sigh pressing your lips together. He raises his hand toward the glasses you had yet to take off. Your hands shoot up and wrap around his wrist.

“Turn around and go back to your sister,” You demand. “Forget you ever saw me,”

“You’re unforgettable,” Pietro whispers. The two of you stay still until Pietro begins to move his hands again. They slip from your wrist as you allow him to take the glasses off. “Oči diabla,” He recites the line that is in all the stories. “Eyes of the devil,” He translates. “Who would have thought the devil would be so attractive?”

...

“If I see another Goddamn robot after this, I’m going to blow a gasket,” You hiss towards the end of the battle against Ultron and his multiples. You run around the city killing robots and rescuing civilians.

Eventually, ships come to the edge of the city to evacuate everyone. You run through the city multiple times in order to make sure nobody is left behind. You return to the ships in time to see Pietro go to save Clint and the child he’s protecting.

Your instincts over take you. Your by his side faster than a heart beat. Your arms wrap around him. You speed out of harms way without missing a beat. When you’re out of the way, you rip a door off a car and launch it at the spaceship sending it to the ground before turning to Pietro.

“Are you alr-” Pietro cuts you off with a kiss. The simple kiss amplifies the already strong bond between the two of you. Your hand instinctively rest on his hips and pull him against you.

“Thank you,” He mutters against your lips. You smirk, returning your lips to his.

...

I plan on doing more one shots in relation to this one. I wouldn’t really call it a series just a collection of random one shots with Pietro and this type of reader.

Let me know if you wanna be tagged in them or if you have a request for a specific one shot you wanna see

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klugpuuo · 3 years

Text

almost every puyo~tet single-character headcanon wie have

every character we've put more than three minutes of thought into are gonna be in this post. this *does* leave out a lot of characters, but still includes so many that hopefully that'll make up for it. ^also i forgot about this entirely while writing and tried to add a few characters i literally never think about everat all so you get extra funny commentary i guess

welp! enjoy the ride. and dont forget to like, comment, and subscribe (/lh)

warnings: mentions food, implied self-harm, delusions (not inherently triggering but still), general violence, some madou-era content, death. (more to be added + ask to tag) none of the things mentioned are in much detail.

Madou Monogatari / OG Puyo~Puyo characters:

Arle – 16 (chronologically 20 due to the Madou time stop but doesn’t realize it), has PTSD and ADHD + nonbinary transfem + sex-repulsed and questioning (she/he/they)

Assorted headcanons:

-Her armor was made into a sort of magical puberty blocker by her grandmother, who knew Arle was trans and wanted her to live her life to the fullest. -Although she has never been in an (official) romantic relationship, she’s usually the first person her friends go to for relationship advice. -She stims a lot, usually by twirling her hair around or jumping.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: She’s in a vaguely romantic relationship with Serilly. “Vaguely” as in they go on dates frequently, kiss a lot, and would live together if they could, but neither is sure if they are actually dating. Friends: She adores Ringo and Amitie and wants to protect both of them – not in the super creepy and sorta patronizing way, but in the “she really cares about them and their well-being” way. Despite thinking that Schezo is an absolute fool at times, she still cares about him quite a bit. She’s come to regret what she did all those years ago, and is determined to make sure that Schezo never remembers it.

Schezo – ~200, has ADHD and PTSD + transmasc + homosexual (he/it/gore)

Assorted headcanons:

-Although he can be away from his sword, it’s bonded to his body so strongly that if he is too far away from it for too long he becomes incredibly weak. -He borrowed a thesaurus from Aya and Klug and is not planning on ever giving it back. -He doesn’t remember a single thing that happened before Puyo~7, and can hardly remember anything from then until Puyo~Tetris 2. -After learning about tone indicators, he begins to put “/nx” at the end of *all* of his messages online. Although a few people make fun of him for it, many people find it either endearing or some form of cool, and he’s affectionately known as “the /nx anon” in a few social circles. -His main special interests are forging and dark magic (good for him <3)

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes: He has a slight crush on Lemres, and thinks that Incubus is.. interesting. He also thinks Witch is cute but can’t tell if that’s a crush or what. (Good) friends: He considers Arle to be his best friend, and she’s usually the first person he’d go to for anything. The two actually lived together for a while. Although he thinks Rulue is a fool at times, he still cares about her and thinks she’s pretty impressive. Enemies...?: He once was always looking to pick a fight with Satan, but after (rather awkwardly) remembering that he once saw the prince as a father, he mostly stopped doing that.

Rulue – ~40-ish?, experiences delusions + cis lass + questioning (she/her and a few neopronouns)

Assorted headcanons:

-She’s not sure why there are so many people who are like her and at this point she’s wondering if it really is just a coincidence. -She secretly wishes that she could join Arle, Schezo and Witch’s arm-wrestling sessions, but as they’ve been going on for so long without her she feels almost awkward asking. -Although she still experiences delusions sometimes, she’s gotten a lot better at telling what’s true and what’s false.

Relationship headcanons:

Partner… sorta?: She’s sort of in a QPR with Raffina, and they go on platonic dates a lot. (Good) friends: She’s quite good friends with Arle, especially since she’s no longer chasing after Satan. Speaking of Satan, as she’s no longer absolutely obsessed with him she’s actually beginning to get along well with him, and the two regularly have friendly battles.

Witch – >16, might be NT + cis lass + omni (she/it)

Assorted headcanons:

-The only thing she can transform people or things into without help of a potion is mushrooms. -She’s surprisingly strong and quite good at arm wrestling. -She’s not sure if she had any sort of neurodiversities, but she doesn’t really care either way.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes…?: She might have feelings for Arle, but even she doesn’t have any clue. She’s also.. interested in Feli, as she sees Feli as quite the interesting person. Family: She’s an orphan, although she doesn’t mind it. (Good) friends: She’s okay-ish friends with Schezo, and the two usually do arm wrestling matches with Arle in their free time.

Satan – ~3000<, only god knows + cis trans man (somehow less than a joke) + pansexual (he/it)

Assorted headcanons:

-As he’s so old and has changed his physical appearance so many times, he’s completely forgotten his original sex, if he even had one. -After getting very literally schooled by Raffina, he realized that his plans to acquire Arle were just never going to work, and after a while of self-reflection he decided that he’d rather spend the rest of eternity doing other things he liked than chasing around an underage lass. -Due to having completely remade the world himself, he feels almost completely disconnected from it. All the people he used to know.. aren’t the same, and it’s destroying him.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: Misses his dead wife a lot, but is now happily dating (nd half-joke married to) Ex (Chosen) family: After Satan had a good long think about everything, he realized that he did actually care about Lidelle a lot, and now properly sees her as a little sister. Friends: He’s on good terms with Rulue and actually properly hangs out with her sometimes. -

Serilly – >16, has anxiety and experiences delusions + trans lass + questioning (she/her)

Assorted headcanons:

-hgnggng operea

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: She may or may not be dating Arle. (Chosen) family: Although she’s presumably an orphan, she has Suketoudara, who she sees as an older brother figure. Best friend: She platonically loves Harpy a lot, and the two of them spend a lot of time together. - Suketoudara – ~30, NT + about as cis guy as a fish can get + polysexual (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-I literally do not think about this guy

Relationship headcanons:

Sibling serilly

Puyo Fever (2) characters:

Amitie – 14 and a half, autistic + binary transfem + fem-leaning panromantic (she/fae/flare)

Assorted headcanons:

-She found out that she was trans when she was 7 years old, and managed to convince her parents to let her transition when she was 12. -She taught herself how to bake, and Arle taught her how to cook more salty things. She regularly makes lunches for her friends, even if they already have their own. -She cares a lot about Sig’s ladybug friend and usually “babysits” them when Sig has to leave to wherever. -Raffina and her are the only two with two parents who haven’t divorced and/or died, but as Amitie's parents are almost always at work she doesn't get to talk to them very much. -She stims by twirling her hair when it’s long, or squishing a puyo-shaped stress ball when it’s short.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: She’s in a QPR with Sig and Klug, and says she wouldn’t give it up for the world. Crushes: She has a huge crush on Ringo, and a squish on Ess, but she doesn’t think either of them feel the same way. (Chosen) family: She feels rather lucky having contact with both her mother and father, as most of her friends don’t have contact with their own parents. Also, she looks up to Arle a lot, and sees them as an older sibling. Friends(?): Nobody can tell what exactly her relationship with Raffina is, but the most common theory is that they’ve kissed at least twice. Even during Lidelle’s fight with Sig, Amitie supported her, knowing she truly did regret her actions and it was mostly just a big misunderstanding.

Klug – 14 and three quarts, autistic and has ADHD + transmasc nonbinary + ace/aroflux (he/they/wir)

Assorted headcanons:

-Although he had initially asked to be called by neopronouns just as a joke, he found he actually liked the wir/worm set a lot, and now tends to go by that exclusively on some days. -On one night he doesn’t remember, all of his cosmetic glasses were mysteriously destroyed, along with all his contact lenses. After that, he stuck to just one pair of functional glasses -He was gifted an “EiPod” by Ringo and Amitie, although only the latter took credit for it. -He stims by humming, writing, and aggressively cleaning his glasses.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: He’s in a QPR with Sig and Amitie, and secretly wants to leave Primp and travel the world with them both. Chosen family: He sees Feli as both a rival and a sister, and now has come to see Lemres as an older-sibling figure of sorts. Friend: He’s on good terms with Lidelle, and she’s one of the only people who’s younger than he is that he still treats with respect. Rivals(?): He thinks Raffina is pretty rude, and he never lets her go without remembering that he’s better friends with Amitie than she is for more than a month.

Sig – 15, autistic and has ADHD + transmasc demilad + biromantic (he/bug/they/it)

Assorted headcanons:

-Doesn’t consider any sort of bug to be his “favorite”, but has a soft spot for ladybeetles, stag beetles and fireflies. -After a failed attempt at acquiring Sig’s power, Aya accidentally gave Sig half of its own power, causing Sig to become slightly more than just a half-demon. -After he scratched himself one too many times, Amitie and Lidelle worked together to make a glove for Sig’s claw hand. -His main special interests are both bugs and history, and he usually stims by repeating words he likes.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: He’s mostly queerplatonic, partially romantic partners with both Amitie and Klug. During the first half week of their relationship, he was the only one the two felt comfortable cuddling with, which he was completely fine with. Family: Although initially Sig and Aya were almost enemies, they managed to reach an agreement after being left alone together and now see each other as both family and friends. Friends: He’s pretty good friends with Lidelle, and he helps her with bug-related problems whenever she has any. He’s also pretty good friends with Raffina even if they don’t hang out much and he still has trouble with her name. Enemies: Schezo.

Raffina – 16, has (canonical) imposter syndrome + transfem + pansexual demiromantic (she/her)

Assorted headcanons:

-As her family is very upper middle class, she was able to medically transition almost immediately after coming out. -She once tried to start a Primp Town Fight Club. It did not go well. -She’s the only person aside from Amitie that has two parents that did not abandon her and are not divorced. Unlike Amitie, however, only her mother works, so she gets to talk to her father frequently.

Relationship headcanons:

Crush: She secretly wants to kiss Lidelle really badly. (Good) friends: Although she was slightly distanced from them during the whole fight ordeal, she’s quite good friends with all the ASK trio. She’s pretty friendly with Ess.

Lidelle – 14, has social anxiety + cis lass + questioning (she/her)

Assorted headcanons:

-She feels genuinely sorry for what she did and said to Sig and those bugs, and she’s proud of herself for apologizing. -She likes playing with marbles and has made pretty big marble “race” courses in the past. -She doubts her self-worth a lot, and is worried that others don’t take her very seriously.

Relationship headcanons:

Chosen family: Despite not having any surviving biological family, she’s found a family in the form of Draco and Satan, who have been taking care of her for some time now. Best friend: Lidelle hangs out with Raffina almost constantly, and she considers Raf to be her very best friend. Good friends.. again: After a very large fight with Sig over the fact that her flesh-eating plants killed some of his bugs, she and Sig stopped being friends for a bit. After a lot of talking with Amitie and Raffina, she realized her mistake, and she apologized to Sig – and to her surprise, Sig apologized back. Even during the fight, she and Amitie stayed friends, and Ami gave her a lot of emotional support. She looks up to Klug, although Klug sees her as an equal and even spares a warm smile for her during some of his most jerk-y moments.

Lemres – 35, autistic, has SAD and PTSD + transmasc and nonbinary + aroflux/aceflux (they/them, he/him and any candy-related neopronouns)

Assorted headcanons:

-They are actually entirely blind due to personal reasons, and sewed their eyes shut as to not freak others out too much. They “see” by feeling the magic of their environment, and cannot “see” in low-magic areas (they also cannot read faces. At all.) -They have a sort of “vacation house” near Primp which they visit during the summer or any free time they have. The fact that it was built so close to Primp was a coincidence, but something they like very much. -Schezo occasionally “visits” the vacation house for a few months before running off on some random adventure for whatever reason. -Their broom was broken, presumably by Witch as they had fought with her not too long before that. -Su has a certain type of magic that allows sucre to read minds (or at least meaning). -His type of magic does not work on demons for a plethora of reasons. -They usually stim by twirling their staff around and messing with what remains of their broom.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: They’re in a weird sort-of relationship with Schezo. The relationship informally started after Schezo assisted Lemres during a restless period and it doesn’t seem to be stopping any time soon. (Chosen) family: Although they want to keep their distance from their biological family, they’ve found a new family in Primp in the form of the ASK trio (Good) friends: They’re very close to Accord, having know her since Highschool (and even before she made Poipoi).

Feli – 16 and a half, experiences delusions and has disorders + transfem + bisexual (she/her evi/evil go/goth)

Assorted headcanons:

-Rather compulsory heterosexuality with her. She doesn’t actually have that much love for Lemres, mainly just lust and a feeling that she has to date or marry him. -She personally believes sharing one’s birthday with someone else is a sign of extreme trust due to Zodiac reasons. -She feels like her gender is influenced by gothic aesthetics, but can’t really describe it further.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes: She still very obviously has a crush on Lemres, although it’s starting to lessen now that Lemres is in a closed relationship. (Chosen) family: She sees Klug as an annoying little brother, although he’s marginally more mature than she is. (Good) friends: She’s pretty good friends with Lidelle and Raffina.

Accord/Poipoi – ???? + cis lass and agender respectively + god knows (she/her for accord, he/it for poipoi)

Assorted headcanons:

-Accord secretly really likes hitting things with her hammer to the point where she’d go quite far in order to get a chance to do so. However, she would never readily admit this as she finds it to be incredibly childish. -Only Accord knows what happened to Lemres’s eyes. -During Highschool, Accord enchanted a puppet and gave it its own thoughts, personality, dreams, etc. That puppet was quite obviously Poipoi.

Relationship headcanons:

(Good) friends: Accord is close friends with Lemres, having known him since Highschool (she was his upperclassman by a few years) and never passes up a chance to talk to him. Poipoi managed to make friends with Aya in a particularly independent moment where it ran away.

Ayashii – >800, has a lot of trauma + whats a gender + (it/any neos/they/he/she)

Assorted headcanons:

-It genuinely forgot what a gender was because gender is so unimportant to it. -It somehow found a way to continue being friends with the puppy it rescued, even going so far as to teaching them the difference between it and Klug. -As it has extreme claustrophobia, it tends to take very long walks whenever it’s using Klug’s body.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes???: Aya has some interest in Lemres and Schezo, but isn’t entirely sure what kind of interest. (Chosen) family: It’s beginning to see Klug as a son of sorts, and recognizes Sig as its descendent. huh what: It doesn’t trust Accord at all, especially knowing (and being friends with) Poipoi as an individual.

Yu and Rei - ??? + phasmaeic + (both use she/he/they gho/ghost spec/spectre and dar/dark)

- - -

Relationship headcanons:

Puyo~7 characters:

Ringo – 16, ??? + questioning (demigirl?) + bisexual (she/they)

Assorted headcanons:

-She’s questioning pretty much every single thing about her identity and beliefs to the point where she’s actually been having frequent migraines because of it. -She’s not at all proud to admit it, but she’s not-so-secretly envious of Maguro’s “beauty beam”. -She eats a LOT of things that you’re not meant to eat, to the point where everyone except for Sig (who does the same) is worried for her.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes: She has small crushes on both Amitie and Tee, although she likes Amitie a *bit* more. Epic friends: She’s best friends with Maguro, and he’s one of the few people she properly trusts (not for edgy reasons, just because). A lot of people assume she’s dating him, which makes her feel pretty uncomfortable, but she doesn’t feel like she can really blame them.

Maguro – 16, has ADHD and PTSD (latter from AU) + questioning + bisexual (he/they)

Assorted headcanons:

-He’s questioning the same stuff as Ringo, although he’s a lot more chill about it. -He was pretty scarred, emotionally and physically, after an unfortunate incident concerning a badly thought-out prank, a fishing net, and a timer set to one month -He remembers all of his trauma in perfect clarity, and has good memory overall.

Relationship headcanons:

Partner:He’s been in a romantic relationship with Tee for a few months, and so far it’s been really nice. Best friend: He’s best friends with Ringo, and he feels really comfortable around her. They share almost everything, and are planning on moving in together once they get the chance to have a proper house. Good friends: Although Ris moved away to study abroad a while back, they still send a lot of gifts and letters to him on a regular basis. Also, they’ve been staying in contact with Ess ever since the whole beauty pageant thing and the two go shopping when they’re both free.

Risukuma – 19, NT + trans man + male-leaning pansexual (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-He’s incredibly interested in all types of love -After graduating school, he decided to study abroad to learn more about other cultures (and of course, love). -He really likes music, even having written some of his own songs in the past. One of his favorite bands is IDKHOW.

Relationship headcanons:

Partner: Despite only having interacted a few times, he’s quite good “friends” with Ai. Good friends: After moving away from Suzuran, he’s not been able to hang out with Ringo or Maguro as much, but he still sends them letters and gifts on a regular basis. What: He does not want to know about Ecolo. Do not tell him about Ecolo.

Ecolo – ageless and has so many disorders (affectionate??) + gender + probably so (it/they/he/she/other in that order)

Assorted headcanons:

-If asked, it would describe its gender as “Once In A Lifetime” by Talking Heads. -It’s trying really really hard to respect Ringo’s boundaries nowadays, and not just because she refused to acknowledge its existence for a whole week after it accidentally hurt her. -It can change into its human form at will; however, if it wants to stay in that form for more than a few hours at a time, it has to actually sleep for several days straight. -In its humanoid form, it sports several scars. -It genuinely loves fidget spinners and has this really creepy one it carries everywhere.

Relationship headcanons:

Crush: You know it wants to kiss Ringo so bad. Friends: Ex-friends with Satan because Ringo hates him. Pretty alright friends with Ex and Marle, not entirely sure what to think about Squares. Uh…: After.. an accident it caused, Maguro started to be able to remember it.

Puyo~Tetris characters:

Tee – 16, + trans man + questioning (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-He can’t pronounce any name longer than four letters long. Somehow, the worst case of this is with Ringo and Maguro’s names. -Having transitioned at a very young age and only interacting with one lass for most of his life, he has a lot of internalized sexism. After Ringo points this out, he starts trying to work on it, but he hasn’t been doing very well so far. -He’s also trying really hard to find a balance between being too basic and too over-the-top, but..

Relationship headcanons:

Partner: He’s been in a romantic relationship with Maguro for a few months. It’s been really nice, but as this is his first relationship he tends to go all-out with everything, causing Maguro to get rather flustered. Crush: Although he’s very hesitant to admit it, he has a pretty big crush on Ringo and wants to kiss her. Chosen family: O is his parent, Ess and Ai are his siblings, and the twins are his messed up if true gay cousins. Friend: He’s pretty good friends with Sig because of their shared inability to correctly pronounce Raffina’s name.

O – infinite, ??? + ???? + probably gay? ????? (any and all pronouns)

Assorted headcanons:

-I cannot reasonably take myself seriously trying to make headcanons for this godforsaken cloud cube -Squares themself made this thing (on accident?) -Anger management issues incarnate

Relationship headcanons:

Parnter: Kissed Carbuncle once eChidle: Tee is its son

Ex – ~40, has autism, minor intrusive thoughts and (canon) depression + some form of Guy + yes (he/they)

Assorted headcanons:

-He’s not sure how he identifies gender- and sexuality-wise and feels as if he’s too old to try to figure that out (which isn’t true, but still) -He genuinely misses Ess and Ai a lot and is unendingly grateful for the chance to see them both again. -His intrusive thoughts are usually fairly easy to deal with, but can sometimes get pretty bad if he’s left alone for too long.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners: I’m pretty sure he has an ex-wife somewhere and that scares me. Also he kisses Satan every day of his life (Chosen) family: He misses his children, Ess and Ai, so much. (Good) friends: He’s become reluctant friends with Ecolo, and very good friends with Marle and Squares.

Jay & Elle – 13, autistic and have separation anxiety + nonbinary + ??? (they/them)

Assorted headcanons:

-Individually they’re okay with all pronouns, but nobody can reasonably refer to them as separate entities. -After a few people asked them, they stopped bullying Ai as much, but they still “prank” him a lot. -They were separated exactly once. It was not a very good time for them.

Relationship headcanons:

Partners:They’re queerplatonic partners with Yu and Rei, since that’s just kind of what happens when you’re two sets of evil twins who like bothering others. Friends: They don’t really have many friends as their creepiness scares people off a lot, but they like hanging out with Ecolo (even if they forget about it a lot)

Ai – 20, has pretty severe anxiety + transmasc + bisexual (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-He found out that he was trans after he managed to get a sort of wi-fi thing going during a five-month-long stay in a densely-packed asteroid belt. He had actually medically transitioned before that, but nobody on the SS Tetra had the word for it. -He has exactly one large scar from a prank gone horribly wrong. Otherwise, he’s not been seriously injured by anything the twins have done. - Recently he’s started to become slightly braver in general thanks to a lot of therapy and emotional support from his boyfriend, this has allowed him to stand up to the twins a lot more. He is also more physically strong, and plans to drop kick them both someday.

Relationship headcanons:

Partner: He kisses Risukuma on the daily Chosen family: As he canonically sees Ex as a father, he headcanonically sees Ess as a sister. Pure hatred(/j): He’s no longer as afraid of the tetra twins, and sometimes even manages to prank them back on good days.

Ess – ~15, only ex knows. Has serious abandonment issues, apparently canon(?!?!) PTSD, and so many things + cis demilass + lesbiab (she/they/ze)

Assorted headcanons:

-She actually has a job, and on the last weekend of every month she goes shopping with Maguro (or Amitie if he’s busy) on Saturday and Raffina on Sunday with the money she gets. -She kinda wishes that she were more physically strong for a multitude of minor reasons. -Ess doesn’t actually know how to say Ringo’s name and tries really hard to hide that fact.

Relationship headcanons:

Crushes:She’s absolutely in love with Amitie, although she’s in very deep denial about it. Chosen family: She sees Ai as a brother, and the two bond over the fact that Ex totally ditched them to go patch up dimensions or whatever. Speaking of Ex, she’s very recently found it in her heart to maybe forgive him for leaving her when she was young, although she still is a long ways away from seeing him as a father again. Friends: She and Raffina hang out and talk about their insecurities a lot.

Zed – uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (he/him)

Assorted headcanons:

-uhhhhhhhhhh -I genuinely don’t think of this guy He reminds me too much of my ex-chosen-father -…to be added.

Relationship headcanons:

Ess is his belovt daughter that’s all you need to know.

Additional headcanons:

-Most of the Madou Monogatari gang feel entirely disconnected from what’s left of their humanity, so they identify with it/its along with whichever other pronouns they use. -Sig, Dark Sig, and the evil Sig from Sig’s Secret are all different entities. -Speaking of Dark Sig, they can actually purr, although Sig himself cannot. Klug thinks this is incredibly interesting and actually conducted several half-serious experiments to try to figure out why. -All of the SS Tetra crew see each other as family, although some have more clearly defined views of that. None of them have any romantic or sexual interest in any other member.

#ALSO IF ANyone has any questions please ask pleas #beeper canon #pinned post #puyo puyo #puyo puyo tetris #madou monogatari #<again #only mentioned #headcanon #headcanons #long post #im tempted to tag the characters but thatd be too long time for me to do so #enjiy

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burkymakar · 3 years

Note

Hi my favorite athletic reader. If possible could you post anything important from Baughers new article on Gabe?

lol i feel so used. it's under the cut haha

Gabriel Landeskog rolled up to the Avalanche practice rink, a 19-year-old figuring he was heading into a meeting about the upcoming 2012-13 season. A potential lockout loomed, and he wondered if he and his teammates were about to get information on what would happen next.

But only one teammate was there when Landeskog got inside Family Sports Center in Centennial, Colo.: captain Milan Hejduk. Then-Colorado coach Joe Sacco was there, too. They wanted to speak to Landeskog privately.

At the time, Hejduk was entering his 14th season with Colorado. The veteran was the only player left from the Avalanche’s 2001 Stanley Cup team, and he knew his career was winding down. He was no longer a top forward on the team and didn’t feel it would be right to remain captain. Someone else needed to take the role, Landeskog remembers Hejduk telling him that day.

“And I think that person is you,” Hejduk said.

The young winger was caught off guard. He let out a stunned laugh. At the time, no permanent captain in league history had ever been named at so young an age. A tornado of emotions followed: shock, excitement and — naturally — nerves. He called his dad immediately after the conversation.

“You’ve got to this point being who you are,” Tony Landeskog told his son. “Don’t try to be somebody you’re not.”

That advice stuck with Landeskog, and from that day forward, his “C”-embroidered jersey has been a constant for the Avalanche. It was there through the promising years with Nathan MacKinnon, Ryan O’Reilly and Matt Duchene, and it was there when that core fell apart. It was there through the pain of rebuilding, and it was there as the Avalanche emerged as a league power.

Now, its era in Denver could be coming to a close.

For the first time in his NHL career, Landeskog is a pending unrestricted free agent. And after a decade in Denver, he doesn’t know what’s coming next.

“The uncertainty is something I’ve never dealt with,” Landeskog says. “I’ve always known that come September, October, I’m going to pull on that Avs jersey.”

Landeskog has repeatedly said he wants to stay with Colorado, and the Avalanche want to bring him back. But with star defenseman Cale Makar set to receive a massive raise in restricted free agency and the Avalanche up against the salary cap, general manager Joe Sakic is facing tough decisions this offseason.

Landeskog wants long-term security. Currently, he’s in limbo.

“I can’t help but be honest with you that I’m a little bit disappointed that it’s gotten this far and it’s had to come to this point,” Landeskog says.

Now 28, Landeskog could be looking at his last chance to sign a major, multiyear contract. The Avalanche, meanwhile, must decide how much they are willing to spend — and for how many years — on a physical, two-way forward approaching 30.

Teams must submit protection lists Saturday for the July 21 Kraken expansion draft, and if Colorado doesn’t protect Landeskog, Seattle will have a window to bargain with him before free agency begins July 28. Landeskog’s reputation as a leader and production (52 points in 54 games this past season and 171 in 181 over the past three) will make him a popular target should he reach the open market. Teams like the Kraken, Blues, Kings, Flyers and Oilers jump out as potential suitors.

Talks between the Avalanche and their captain have increased in frequency in recent days, but the sides are still far away from an agreement, according to a league source.

“We’ll see what happens,” Landeskog says. “I’m still hopeful that we can agree on something and come to terms, but if it was up to me, I would have liked it to be done eight months ago, 10 months ago.”

In the nine seasons since Hejduk handed over the captaincy, Landeskog has gone from a green-but-mature up-and-comer to the calming presence on an elite team. He’s now a parent, one of the older players on the Avalanche and their unquestioned leader.

“It’s been a constant learning curve,” he says.

He’s grown, and he’s growing. The question is if that will continue with the Avalanche.

One day during his first season as captain, Landeskog stood in the Family Sports dressing room for a players-only meeting, taking note of teammates in their 30s, veterans who had spent more than a decade in the NHL. In only his second season, Landeskog could hear his voice shake.

“It probably was pretty laughable how nervous I was,” he says.

The Avalanche were in the midst of a rough stretch in what amounted to a season of rough stretches. Landeskog leaned on older players — Hejduk, Jean-Sebastien Giguere, Paul Stastny, O’Reilly and Erik Johnson, to name a few — and one suggested a team meeting.

Landeskog doesn’t recall what he said that day, but he remembers the nerves — that quiver in his voice — and how the older players had his back. Others chimed in, and the team dissected what was going wrong.

Ultimately, the group was simply a transitioning team without enough talent to contend, and though Landeskog was captain that year, the team used a leadership-by-committee approach. Landeskog credits his teammates’ support for making the job easier, and Stastny remembers him being unafraid to ask questions.

Landeskog says he asked about everything from travel-day logistics to organizing team functions. The communication didn’t translate to on-ice success that year, as the team finished 16-25-7, but it laid the groundwork for how Landeskog still views his role as captain.

“That’s how leaders learn, too: They learn from other guys,” former teammate Greg Zanon says. “I think he was born for the job.”

Before giving Landeskog the “C,” Sacco and then-Avalanche general manager Greg Sherman both reached out to Hejduk, wanting to know what he’d think of the young Swede taking over the role. Landeskog, who had just won the Calder Trophy, hadn’t been a name on Hejduk’s radar for the captaincy because of his age, but the more he thought about the decision, the more it made sense.

So he voiced his approval for the player 17 years his junior.

“What can you say negative about Gabe?” Hejduk says today.

“It was only a matter of time,” Stastny adds. “If it was fast-tracked a year, I don’t think anyone really cared. Everyone knew it was coming.”

Still, Landeskog was nervous. He’d played in only 82 NHL games and was still trying to figure out the league himself. He didn’t know how his teammates would react to such a young captain. Part of him still thinks he might not have been ready.

Despite Landeskog’s concerns, the announcement went over well with the team. Duchene and winger David Jones tweeted their congratulations, and defenseman Ryan O’Byrne remembers liking the decision when he read the news on TSN’s website.

“The only conversations I had with teammates were, ‘Gabe’s the captain. That’s so great,’” O’Byrne remembers. “Why would we wait to give him the captaincy? There’s no reason to wait. He (was) ready. He’s just that type of person.”

“Even the older guys on the team looked up to him,” adds former Avalanche left winger Cody McLeod.

Landeskog’s makeup had begun earning praise from the second he arrived in North America from Sweden. He played major junior hockey for the Kitchener Rangers in the Ontario Hockey League and became the team’s first European-born captain. Sherman praised his confidence after drafting Landeskog second in 2011, saying he was mature beyond his years.

“It was like he was 30 years old already, the way he handled himself, the way he talked to us, talked to the media,” says Ryan O’Reilly, now the Blues captain and still a friend of Landeskog’s. “Everyone respected him right away. It’s rare. It’s why he was named captain so young.”

Adds Hejduk: “I had half the maturity Gabe had at 18.”

Shortly after learning he’d become captain, Landeskog came to the Pepsi Center (now Ball Arena) for a passing-of-the-torch ceremony. Hejduk presented his successor with a burgundy Avalanche sweater featuring a white “C,” and Landeskog pulled it over his white button-up shirt. The two shook hands and posed for cameras.

When Landeskog looks back at those pictures, he can’t help but notice how young he looks. His beard had yet to grow in, and he’d fashioned his hair — lighter than it is now — to be spiky in the front.

“I feel old when I look back at those pictures, because I was definitely a little kid standing there next to (Hejduk),” he says.

“The first year, year and a half, with him, if we went out for dinner, it was like he wasn’t even allowed to have a glass of wine or a beer,” says former Avalanche center John Mitchell, adding that Landeskog struggled to win poker games on team flights.

Landeskog, who has gone from too young to drink to now sponsored by Bud Light, believes he might have been too uptight early on in his captaincy. He’s learned to relax a bit more — that a season is long and sometimes the best approach is to focus on himself. He can’t expect others to work hard or play well if he’s not doing it himself.

The Avalanche’s decision to toss Landeskog into the fray as a teenage captain allowed him to learn the role before the team entered the win-now mode it is in currently. But Colorado’s progression hasn’t been linear. In 2016-17, the Avalanche finished last in the league by 21 points. Landeskog frequently had to face tough questions from reporters when he didn’t have answers.

“It definitely takes a toll on you when you have to do that,” he says. “But at the same time, I always knew that was part of the responsibility and part of the job. Playing in the NHL, being able to wear the ‘C’ in the NHL, it’s a dream not many people get to experience.”

And in 2017-18, tides began to shift for the Avalanche. MacKinnon had his first superstar-level season, finishing second in Hart Trophy voting, and Landeskog and winger Mikko Rantanen both scored more than 20 goals. The trio ascended to become arguably the best line in hockey, and smart drafting and savvy trades gave Colorado a deep defensive core, led by Makar, the Norris Trophy runner-up as a 22-year-old this past season.

As expectations have risen, the team and its captain are still searching for a deep playoff run. The pieces are in place, and the Avalanche reached the second round each of the past three seasons. But they haven’t broken through.

This past season, the Landeskog-captained Avalanche reached the regular-season pinnacle, winning the Presidents’ Trophy, given annually to the team with the best record in the league, and they were a consensus favorite to win the Stanley Cup entering the playoffs.

Landeskog dominated the Blues in a first-round sweep, igniting the Avalanche with a Gordie Howe hat trick (fight, assist, goal) in Game 1.

“He’s the captain for a reason,” Makar said after that game.

But Colorado faltered in its next postseason matchup, against Vegas, letting a 2-0 series lead slip away and losing in the second round for the third consecutive year. The most complete Avalanche team of Landeskog’s career couldn’t get over the hump.

“I’m proud of this group,” a dejected Landeskog said after the game. “I’m excited to be a part of this group. I love all the guys in there.”

And they love him, too. Ahead of the season, MacKinnon called him “the perfect captain,” and Avalanche coach Jared Bednar described the captain as their emotional leader, someone who drives them into the fight on a nightly basis.

“Usually those types of guys, top-three picks, are franchise players,” Hejduk says. “It seems like that’s the case with Gabe. I hope he’s going to finish his whole career with the Avalanche.”

That’s what Hejduk did, spending all 14 of his seasons with Colorado, but it’s not a common path in today’s NHL.

After 10 years with the Avalanche and nine as its captain, and with so much shared history, Landeskog could be the exception.

Since he was 19, it’s felt like he would be. But the coming weeks will show if that reality has shifted.

#askos #anon #the athletic #gabriel landeskog #colorado avalanche

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thelordofdarkreunion · 4 years

Text

Magnificent Scoundrels: Welcome Aboard

I was going to write a second part of “The Team”, but it ended up being extremely long-winded and boring, so I decided on this instead. Hope you like it.

Despite his apparent oddness, it must be said that Drake didn’t waste any time. Already, he had a job for the team, now called the Magnificent Scoundrels at his insistence. They were to rendezvous around a planet on the outer edges of Drake’s home galaxy, where he would inform them the rest of the details. For those who did not own their own starships, accommodations were provided by the members of the team who did. Jack Cooper, who was introduced as the lone military-looking man at the back of the room, would be traveling with Drake, as Drake’s ship, called the Apocalypse, was the only one with enough room to transport Cooper’s Titan, a monstrous twenty foot tall piloted robot designed to crush anything it would possibly face. The elaborate-uniformed man, as it turned out, was a commissar (Author’s note: Commissar definition- a political or morale officer) attached to an entire regiment of soldiers. The only ship that was equipped to fit an entire military regiment inside was Adam Vir’s, and as such, Commissar Ciaphas Cain and the Valhallan 597th of the Imperial Guard were put aboard his ship, the Omen. Master Chief was a singular person and thus did not require much room, and so Kirk volunteered to transport him aboard the Enterprise. And so, it was now that welcomes were issued, people and supplies were loaded, and mooring lines were cast off, figuratively speaking.

Aboard the Omen

Adam Vir sighed contentedly as he settled into his command chair. It was good to be back on board his ship, and definitely good to get away from maniacal mercenaries and people who he wasn't sure were hallucinations or not. Speaking of which, he glanced around his shoulder. Commissar Cain and the commanding officer of the regiment, Colonel Kasteen, were standing ramrod straight, hands behind their backs, at the back area of the bridge, apparently wanting to see takeoff. Cain’s elaborate uniform was drawing rushed glancines from the bridge crew, several who gawked at the newcomers before Vir snapped at them to get back at their stations. Sighing again, this time in annoyance at his crew’s lack of social skills, he stood up, put on his best diplomatic smile, and walked towards the duo, arm outstretched.

“Commissar Cain, Colonel Kasteen, I trust your soldiers have made themselves comfortable.” Kasteen looked bewildered at the outstretched hand for a moment, then shook it and gave a rather sickly smile.

“Er, yes they have, Admiral.” Her grip noticeably weakened as Sunny, the ship’s eight foot tall four-armed Drev weapons officer brushed past. “All the Guardsmen are secured for warp jump.” Vir nodded appreciatively.

“Excellent.” He then turned and shook Cain’s hand, which on second glance, had several cold metal prosthetic fingers. Cain had a warm smile plastered on his face as he shook Adam’s hand.

“A pleasure meeting you, Admiral Vir.” His smile grew larger, and Adam couldn’t help but smile back in genuine amusement.

“And a pleasure meeting you, Commissar Cain.” He turned back to the bridge crew. “When are we ready to jump?” he asked.

“Three minutes, sir, came the reply from his first mate.

“Excellent,” he replied. Kasteen cleared her throat behind him.

“Admiral, would you like the Guardsmen to their battle stations?” she asked. Vir turned around in puzzlement.

“Battle stations? Why?”

“Well, some Imperial Captains like the Guardsmen and naval provosts at battle stations when in warp transition.”

“Uh, no. Don’t bother. Alright, all hands prepare for jump!” Little did he know, but this was to be the first, and smallest, of many misunderstandings to come.

Aboard the Apocalypse

Already, and astoundingly for someone who had never seen a Titan before, Drake and his crew had already stashed Jack Cooper’s Titan, BT-7274 into the cargo hold, and were preparing for takeoff. Currently, Drake was leading Cooper through the labyrinth passages of the Apocalypse, headed towards the cabins closest to the bridge where Jack was to have his quarters, Cooper’s measured military stride contrasting remarkably to Drake’s confident swagger. They passed through the well-lit uniformly grey hallways of the ship, and as they went, Drake flippantly introduced passing crew members.

“And, of course, there’s Maria, very handy with a knife, laughs like a chipmunk when excited.”

“Hey!”

“It’s true.” Jack nodded at a disgruntled looking Maria as Drake continued his grand tour without pause.

“There’s Ziwazzi, a Gunleron, who keeps pretending he’s tough, but he’s actually quote sweet; was kicked out of his planet’s premiere military school for stealing an actually astonishingly impressive amount of stuff.”

“Hey! Captain!” replied an offending looking reptilian alien.

“Ziwazzi, you ought to know me by now,” Drake turned to Cooper, “I am a firm believer that when meeting someone new, you should know their best and worst traits. For instance, I am a rather nice person if you get to know me, have an excellent taste in fine arts, and donate a lot of the money I make to help orphans, but I am a shameless thief, a pyromaniac, and a massive playboy. See? Now you know everything you need to know about me.” He spun on his heel dramatically and continued walking. “If you ever need advice on fine arts or romance, I’m your guy. Don’t hesitate to ask.” They passed through more identical hallways and into the crew’s cabin section. A door popped open and a woman stepped out from the cabin beyond, holding two dresses in her hands.

“Er, Captain, uh, I was wondering...well, you give good fashion advice-”

“Blue dress. It highlights your eyes perfectly, is made of light synthetic silk with a cooling texture, so it will be more comfortable than the cotton one, and Jackson likes blue better, so it’ll be better for your date,” replied Drake without pause. The woman turned bright red.

“How did you know that Jackson and I were-”

“Please. I’m the Captain. I know everything that happens on this ship. I won’t tell anyone, though, unless it threatens security, everyone already knows, or you want me to. Have a nice night.” Cooper hurried to keep up as Drake started down the hallway again. They reached another section of the ship before Drake stopped abruptly, almost making Cooper bump into him. “And here, finally, is your cabin,” Drake gestured with a dramatic flourish. “Pleasant dreams, try not to die.” And, just as quickly as he had led Jack there, Drake vanished.

Aboard the Enterprise

John-117, more commonly referred to as “Master Chief”, was currently sitting in his new quarters aboard Captain Kirk’s ship, the Enterprise. His helmet was on, of course, and a data pad, which the crew had called a “first contact package”, was in his armored hands. It contained all the information regarding the species and governments within Kirk’s home galaxy. Master Chief had found Kirk and the entire crew to be most agreeable. They were all friendly, helpful, and normal, especially compared to the oddly uniformed commissar and the slightly looney Drake. It was refreshing, really. He hoped that this group, which he had been ordered to join to gain a better picture of the new galaxies, wouldn’t take up too much of his time. It was, in the end, his job to prevent the collection of hostile aliens known as the Covenant from overwhelming humanity. But such thoughts could wait. He busied himself in the pad, learning as much as possible about his new reality.

One Week Later

Aboard the Enterprise

It had been probably the best space voyage that Master Chief had ever experienced, although that wasn't saying much. Most of the time, if he was in space, he was killing Covenant or on his way to kill Covenant. But this...this was positively relaxing. He had little to do, as the crew kept the ship running smoothly. He spent most of his time reading up on the history of the various new galaxies that had appeared seemingly overnight next to his own. The first contact package from Kirk was exhausted, and now he was perusing through an absolutely massive information report compiled by Drake. Curiously enough, many of the files there were from official government sources and marked “classified”, several of which he recognized as top secret from his home universe. He did wonder where Drake had gotten his hands on those. Or perhaps, it was better not to know. Speaking of which, he started to consider: how was everyone else on the different ships of this makeshift fleet doing?

Aboard the Apocalypse

Jack Cooper stared, shell-shocked, at the wall of his cabin. The past week had been probably, no, scratch that, most definitely, the most bizarre he’d ever witnessed. The strangeness of it all was such that he had been like this, staring at a slate grey wall, contemplating life, for the past five hours. Inevitably, the weirdness of the voyage all boiled down to one individual: Thomas Drake. The man was, to put it exceptionally mildly, eccentric. It had started on the tour, and only gotten worse on the first day of the tour; Drake had given Cooper free reign of the ship, and thus, like any other over curious human would, he had decided to unobtrusively explore, starting, of course, with the bridge. It unfortunately coincided with Drake’s arrival to the command deck of said bridge, which was herald by several disco balls dropping from the ceiling, the playing of an altogether too cheerful tune for the time of the morning, and Drake himself disco-dancing his way through the bridge. And, while Drake was actually quite a good dancer, it was much too strange for Jack. Regrettably enough, though, it turned out that this was Drake’s morning routine. A song, completely random, was chosen, and Drake would enter the bridge every morning with his characteristic dramatic flourish. The second day Drake was to enter the bridge to a military march, his hands clasped behind his back, while he waved to a non-existent crowd as if he was in a parade, much to the delight of the bridge crew and the bemusement of Cooper. The day after that he quite literally waltzed into the bridge to the symphonic melodies of some classical song that Jack was sure he had heard before, but could not put a finger on. Drake had sat in his command chair and grinned at Cooper.

“Like it?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah. Your dancing is..quite impressive.” Drake gave a strange, wheezing laugh at this.

“My dancing is quite impressive, yet my habits are quite strange. Yes, yes, don’t be surprised,” he dismissed Jack’s glance and him with a wave, “I can see it in your eyes. You’ve never seen anyone do this before. ‘Why?’ I’m sure you’re wondering,” Drake leaned forward on his chair, “The answer is quite simple. Because I can.” Cooper was about to interject, wanting to ask a question along the lines of “But why though”, before the ship itself was wracked by a massive force, causing several panels above the crew’s control stations to spew sparks.

“What the hell was that?” asked Cooper. Drake leaned back in his chair, unconcerned, and waved a hand dismissively.

“Something exploded. It’s probably fine.”

“Probably? What do you mean probably? And shouldn’t that not happen, though? I mean, I’m not an expert on spaceships, but isn’t stuff blowing up on your ship not a good thing?” Drake shrugged.

“Eh, it’s fine. If it were really a problem, the alarms would go off.” As if on cue, the ship's alarm system started flashing red and emitting an ear-piercing shriek. “Alriiight, now it’s a problem,” Drake said with a sigh. “And I was just getting comfortable.” He grabbed some sort of portable communication device and walked briskly for the door. “Richter, what the hell happened?”

“Try and guess,” came the voice on the other end.

“Muelka?” asked Drake as he and Cooper half jogged through the hallways to the wails of the alarm.

“Yep.”

“I should have known,” replied Drake with a sigh. They traveled through several more decks of the ship, going at an uncomfortable half-walk, half-jog, and finally reached an open area in one of the lower decks where several crew members were hosing down tiny fires with foam suppressant. The area held quite a lot of what appeared to be chemistry equipment, and what looked like but Jack fervently hoped were not bombs. One of the countertops, identical to several others throughout the room, was a scorched mess, with blasted and melted shards of glass scattering the floor around it. And, in the middle of all the chaos stood a sheepish-looking woman with frazzled hair wearing some sort of protective apron, and an average-looking brown haired man with a scar across his forehead, who was currently busy staring at the destruction around him.

“Right. What the hell happened?” asked Drake briskly. The man answered.

“Muelka was mixing chemicals, again, and they exploded, again, and the resulting shockwave loosened some wires and set off the alarm system.”

“Sorry, Captain,” the woman muttered. Drake rubbed his forehead.

“Muelka, while I do love your work, you need to take better safety precautions. You’re on censure, again, until I come up with something else.”

And, while it was gratifying to Jack that Drake did have control of his crew, his rather flippant attitude was something he was slightly concerned about. But, the main point was Drake's overwhelming oddness. At lunch, just the other day, Cooper had the misfortune to be at the mess hall at the same time as Drake. Due to the nature of the Apocalypse being a mercenary ship and having many different alien species on board, the food served at the mess was much more numerous and varied in nature than any military ship. However, Drake was simply not eating a typical meal, or for that matter, any form of unrecognizable food. Instead, he had a plastic container filled with cheese spread, the type one usually puts on crackers. However, Drake was not most people, and so he was eating the cheese spread plain. By itself. With a spoon. Wonderful. The worst part was that Drake then proceeded to get a bottle of aerosol cheese and spray that on top of his other cheese, creating some sort of cheese soup. Honestly, Jack found Thomas Drake more concerning than the aliens, which was a feat considering that aliens did not exist in his home galaxy, and these were the first he’d ever met. He sighed to himself. This was going to be a long ride.

Aboard the Omen

Admiral Adam Vir sighed and tiredly rubbed his forehead. The last week had been extremely taxing, even more so than the time where he was forced to bring a civilian tour group on board the ship. Hell, it was probably worse than the first time he met aliens, which involved miscommunications, lots of treats, and eventually him rolling over like a dog. It was complicated. But back to the matter at hand. The last three days (or was it? He seemed to be losing count) were filled with nothing but tension and problems. The first, and least concerning, was that all the alcohol on board the ship seemed to be mysteriously vanishing.

Even the drinks smuggled in by the marines that he conveniently (for them) overlooked were somehow gone, spirited away from their hiding places by an invisible force. But, by far worse, was the hostility between the Valhallan soldiers and the crew of the Omen. The Imperial Guardsmen were intensely xenophobic and openly belligerent to all aliens on board the ship, so much so that that many members of the non-aggressive races would flee at the sight or sound of an Imperial infantryman. It also very much did not help that said infantry always seemed to travel in packs, which just seemed to escalate the tensions.

The third problem was that the human members of the crew were not immune to this either. The Imperials seemed to regard them as traitors of sorts, and whenever human crewmembers walked by, Valhallan mutterings of “heretic” or “Gue’vesa” could often be heard. The only ones the regular Imperial rank and file respected were himself, as he was the captain, and the engineers. A group of Guardsmen had gone to the engineering department, predictably sneering at anyone who crossed their path, only to be put in their place by the furious head of the engineering department, Nairobi. Ever since that particular incident, any members of the engineering crew were either avoided by the guardsmen or were given grudging, but respectful, nods. Adam had originally thought the Imperials might get along well with the Marines, seeing as they both shared the bond of being human combat soldiers, and so had organized a joint training exercise for both groups. It had gone...well...horribly. The Marines loathed the Imperials for treating the other crew members so poorly, and the Imperials despised the Marines for harboring and living alongside aliens. Both groups were now furiously competing to see which was better. Drinking contests, arm wrestling, combat training, weapon skills, you name it, there was an extremely nasty competition going on between the two rival groups of soldiers. There were several fights, most notably between Maverick, the Marines chaplain, and Magot, a Corporal in the Guard. That particular fight had seen the spectators get involved, and two Omen crew members, one Marine, and three Valhallans were sent to the infirmary with critical injuries, several of which might have been life threatening if not for the ship’s two excellent doctors. The only reason that no one had died immediately in that fight was because Ciaphas Cain had interfered, attempting to pull people off one another, and, when that didn’t work, firing his pistol into the ceiling, which resulted in an immediate secession of hostilities. Adam didn’t care much about the damage done to the mess hall ceiling, which could be repaired, but he was very much fed up with the entire situation. In fact, come to think of it, the only thing that prevented the two sides from outright trying to kill each other was the fact the Valhallans had enough respect for Cain and the two battalion commanders, Kasteen and Broklaw, to obey them no matter what, and that the Marines had enough respect for him even though the Imperials were threatening their crewmates. Speaking of Cain, Adam really did wish he would come out of his office more. At the beginning of the voyage, Adam had given Cain a personal quarters, which had been promptly transformed into a combination living quarters and Commissar’s office. The problem was that Cain always seemed to be holed up inside, and to get inside, one had to cross Jurgen, the Commissar’s malodorous aide. Jugen was always extremely polite and to the point, traits to be commended, but his personal hygiene was terrible, and many would rather just skip seeing the Commissar rather than wait near him. To Adam, though, there seemed to be something fundamentally wrong about Jurgen, although what he couldn’t really lay a finger on. Jurgen did have terrible body odor and rather bad psoriasis, but that didn’t seem to be the problem. The problem was that whenever Adam got close to Jurgen, an odd, creeping, chilling sensation would occur. There was nothing specific about Jurgen that made Adam feel this way, and that was probably the most creepy thing about it. But, for whatever reason it was, Cain’s callers never wanted to stay around long enough near Juren to actually get into his office. The only two people allowed to go straight inside were Adam and his first lieutenant, Simone, but they were so busy running the ship and trying to prevent the Marines from murdering the Valhallans in their sleep that they rarely got the opportunity. But, in the end, he felt as if he had no choice but to meet with Cain to sort out this problem. And so, he and Simone walked through the decks of the Omen, the aliens skittering in front of them until they realized they were no Imperials, until they reached the lower decks and the quarters of Ciaphas Cain.

Cain looked up from his paperwork as Jurgen ushered Vir and Simone in. Truth be told, he wasn’t really doing any paperwork, but appearances had to be maintained. They were, inevitably, here to talk about the mess hall fight and the general situation. Well, they didn’t really need to know that instead of heroically trying to pull people apart, he had been stuck in the middle and was trying to pull people off of him. But they didn’t need to know that. He was forging a reputation with these new people, and it wouldn’t do to seem cowardly. And, of course, it wouldn’t do to insult the aliens, possibly treacherous xenos that they were, as, if he did, he would probably get shot in the back by one. And, above all else, Ciaphas Cain wanted to not die.

The Admiral and his first mate sat at the two chairs across his desk, ones that had been provided by themselves.

“Admiral. Lieutenant. A pleasure to see you. What brings you here today?” He knew, obviously, but pleasantries had to be observed.

“Why we’re here is because your troops are way out of line! It is completely unacceptable and against regulations to insult someone based upon species. You-”

“Simone-” said Vir in a warning tone.

“That’s perfectly alright,” responded Cain, who flashed a smile that would have charmed a fish out of water. “I believe, after reading all the reports,” which was a lie, but they didn’t need to know that he was pulling all of this out of his ass, “that what we have there is a failure to communicate. I’m sure you’d understand, Admiral Vir, as your reputation for dealing with aliens and different cultures is legendary.” Well, he did know that Adam Vir was the first to make contact with non-humans, and was quite good at dealing with them. And, of course, flattery never hurt. “You see, where I come from, every single alien race believes it is their divine right to rule the galaxy, and will try to kill you on sight. Consequently, it is a part of our society to kill any alien on sight, before they kill you.” Simone and Adam looked stunned.

“Every...every race wishes to...eradicate you?”

“Yes,” replied Cain. “That’s why we have the imperial guard. Of course, I am but a humble Commissar. It’s the soldiers who do the real heavy lifting.” Modest hero; a strategy that most people fell for, and these two seemed to be no different.

“That’s disturbing.”

“Well, we seemed to have misjudged you, but we still have a problem,” said Vir. “How do we prevent our respective soldiers from killing each other?”

“Well-”

“I-I have an idea,” said Simone. Both Vir and Cain looked at her with surprise. “I can captain the ship, and you two can switch places. You’re both good leaders, and if you can explain to each other’s soldiers why we should not fight, then we have a chance.”

“That’s actually a very good idea,” responded Vir.

“I concur,” replied Cain. No, I most bloody well do not concur with that frakkin’ idea. I would prefer my head un-squished by ten-foot tall four-armed aliens, thank you very much. But, it’s the only way that we have a chance at not ending this voyage with people dead.

“So, it’s settled, then. You are in command of the ship, Simone. I will take control-”

“Er, my apologies, Admiral, but I believe you misunderstand,” said Cain smoothly. “I am not the commander of the regiment. I am merely an adviser and moral officer, although I do hold some sway. So, before we switch places, Admiral, what should I know about the...Drev and Marines?”

“Well...uh, the Marines are typical human soldiers, I guess. The Drev are a warrior culture who place a high emphasis on personal combat. Otherwise, they’re not that different from us. And your troops?”

“Valhalla is an ice world, and thus soldiers from that planet are very comfortable in cold temperatures. I should also inform you, that you are now acting Commissar. You are in charge of discipline, morale, and combat effectiveness of the regiment. You reserve the right to take any necessary steps to restore order, including summary execution. You have the full authority of the Commissariat until otherwise dismissed by me. The Emperor Protects,” recited Cain, as if he was quoting something.

“Alright. Wait, you have the authority to execute your soldiers?”

“Yes. Although, only a foolish Commissar will do so unless absolutely necessary.”

“Uh, that’s...alarming, to say the least. Anyway, let’s get to it, before more people get hurt.”

That’s that. If you have any questions, comments, criticisms, or concerns, feel free to ask.

#titanfall #empyrean iris #warhammer 40k #halo #star trek

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rwbyremnants · 3 years

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CHAPTER WARNINGS: Hard convos and fluff (and awkward almost-incesty feelings)

Getting pretty close to the end! Also I started writing a new project - I know I know, I'm not even done posting this and Princess And The Dragons! Believe me there's just a ton of fics I could keep posting for all eternity, but they're all a complete mess (except the 2 I'm working on posting now). I might hit the fuck it point and post a few of them without doing any editing or rereading to make sure they make any sense. Yay for all that information nobody asked for!

=Chapter 10

A few months passed. Ruby had no further contact with Winter after she drove away from her, apart from one message she asked Penny to send, establishing that she no longer wanted to continue their arrangement. No more sessions, no more visits to the club, nothing. Even the casual texts had stopped, or the occasional silly snaps back and forth of each other's day; it was like they had never met. Strangers.

Then came an occasion she was dreading. There were other family gatherings she had managed to bow out of – anything to avoid awkward contact again out of fear of embarrassing herself; but this wasn't one she could squirm her way out of so easily. Weiss's birthday. She would never want to avoid her idol's celebration, especially not when she was specially invited! Dodging that one would also raise suspicion, and make it far more obvious that she was avoiding something to the other guests.

Plus, she didn't want to hurt her any more than she already had. Her guilt was too heavy. Time to bite the bullet and say hello.

All she could do was mentally prepare while she was out shopping with Yang, looking for an ideal present with her wife. She had promised that she would look after whatever she bought so Weiss didn't find it; at least that was a promise she could keep without anyone getting hurt.

"Hey, how about a cute little pony?"

When Ruby looked over, she saw Yang was holding up some kind of rainbow-painted porcelain horse tchotchke. She practically welcomed the distraction, no matter how mundane. Raising an eyebrow, she laughed, "Oh God, are you gonna turn her into one of those kooky nerds who has a billion of those?"

"Well… no…" Putting it back, Yang sighed and looked around. "But I'm totally drawing a blank this year. You know she's the one who's good at picking out gifts, and I just… suck ass."

Still trying to distract herself, Ruby smirked back toward her, walking a couple of steps backward to keep their pace in the store. "She told me enough times she liked what you got her last year. You know… the 'banana'?" If she wasn't going to be able to distract herself with small goods, she could by embarrassing her favourite sister. "She tells me everything when she gets drunk, unfortunately."

Ducking her blonde head, her big sister groaned and muttered, "God, Weiss… why can't you handle your booze?" She cleared her throat and spoke up to say, "But I don't wanna get her another 'toy' this time. I want it to be something sweet. Y'know, romantic and shit."

"Oooh…" That didn't give Ruby all too much to work with. While Yang and Weiss were definitely happy together, even she knew romance wasn't Yang's strong point. Aside from throwing herself in the path of an explosion that time a few years ago, the closest she had gotten was buying flowers on one occasion; only to get rid of them when they discovered Weiss was allergic. That was a story she wouldn't let her live down.

"Well, what kinds of things has she been into lately? Anything she mentions in passing or something?"

"Um… music? Frilly dresses and expensive perfume? Marrying the worst girlfriend in the world?" Sighing, she leaned back against a shelving unit full of lawn gnomes and hung her head. "I'll just get her another Victoria's Secret gift card."

"Doesn't that kinda count as a present for yourself? Just saying…" But Yang's phrasing didn't sit well in Ruby's own mind. Sure, she didn't know what sorts of presents were romantic and usually ended up with a cop-out gift, but at least she wasn't hurting anyone in the process of that. The worst girlfriend award for sure went to Ruby Rose. "And we both know she has the better of the Xiao Long-Rose sisters, so don't say you're the worst, dork."

"Does not! You're the real prize, and Penny is so lucky! Geeze, if you weren't with her, I'd be beating guys and girls off you with a stick!"

Even if it was meant positively, Ruby wasn't particularly in the mood to play along. Instead, she shrugged her shoulders reluctantly as she wandered out of the store, walking aimlessly in the direction of a jeweller’s. "Nah, I'm lucky to even have Penny. Don't even know how she puts up with me sometimes."

After a moment, Yang followed. She took so long to respond that by then, Ruby assumed she had forgotten the topic. Then…

"Okay, spill. What's been up with you the past couple months?"

"H-huh?" Even if it was a question she should have expected, she was taken aback, instantly finding herself on the defensive. "N-nothing! I was just saying that Penny's good for putting up with me, that's all!"

"Yeah, but you and Penny never fight. She hasn't seemed unhappy being with you or anything like that, at all." Folding her arms over her ample chest, she demanded, "So what's up, Rubes? Spill – unless you want me to tickle it out of you."

No getting out of that not-so-idle threat, no matter how much she tried. And even if Yang didn’t tickle her, she would be like a dog with a bone. Sighing, she looked downward sadly, still idly pacing around in the hope either of them would see something of interest for Weiss.

"It's not Penny and me that have had issues. We're fine. Our relationship's been pretty solid for a while…" When she stopped in front of the bracelets, she debated where to begin, whether or not to tell the story. In the end… "But… I’m, uh…"

Sensing this was big, Yang slid an arm around Ruby's shoulders. "You can tell me anything. If you could handle me coming out and transitioning, I can handle whatever's bugging you."

In the end, that tilted the scales. Yang deserved to know, since she had always been so open with her. At the same time, she didn't need to know who it was. The thought of that conversation coming to light certainly wasn't a good one given Yang's past with Winter.

"You know Penny and I don't… y'know, that often. So, um, Penny let me go out and see someone else, purely for sex. It worked out so great at first, me and this other girl had an amazing connection… but I had to go and ruin it."

For a moment, all Yang could do was blink in surprise. "Whoa, really? Never thought of you as a 'side chick' kinda girl." She hastily added, "But that's cool! I mean, if you have needs and Penny's okay with it, why the hell not?"

"Yeah, heh… I guess." Scratching the back of her head nervously, she couldn't look Yang in the eye anymore. The situation was too sensitive. "But it got deeper than that. Penny and I talked about it as well, and… and we realised that I was falling for this other girl the same way as Penny. Which she felt, too. But then… then I said some really stupid stuff and made a huge mess."

"Falling for both of them?" But of course, Yang had mostly been saying that to confirm it to herself. Blinking a few more times, she then asked, "What kinda stuff? Like, maybe it wasn't as bad as you thought."

"L-like…" There was the awkward part; she didn't know how to word what was happening without possibly outing either Winter or Qrow. Sighing in frustration, she looked back up. "Okay imagine if, I mean just imagine here – you're about to confess your feelings to Weiss for the first time, but then when you're just about to, you find out she's been sleeping with… with Dad or someone as close as that. Y-you'd be shocked, right? Shocked enough to really hurt her feelings on accident?"

For a long moment, Yang just tried to process the very idea being put across to her. Then she burst out, "Dad's been banging your side-chick?!"

"No!!!" Quickly slapping a hand to her forehead, she groaned out in frustration; one that had a couple of people turning to look at them. "I said 'someone as close as', not Dad himself! But that's not the point, anyway!" Looking around some more of the various watches and charm bracelets, Ruby sighed again. "I was yelling at her how if she cared she would have told me, because that was happening before I started hooking up with her, and during. And like, she knew this person was close to me! And I ended up… ended up learning I'd hurt her on other occasions without meaning to. Bad."

This time, Yang took even longer to respond. They both went back to looking over the things in the displays, picking them up and putting them down. Neither really paying much attention to what they were seeing.

"This, um…" Yang held up a tennis bracelet with a musical note dangling from it. "Is this dumb? I… think she could like it, but I, um…"

Again, Ruby welcomed the distraction. As much as she needed advice for what to do next, she much preferred to ignore the subject and keep burying her head in the sand. "That is super cute, actually. Maybe you can get another little snowflake charm for it too?"

"Ooh, that's a good idea… let me know if you find anything like that. Or maybe a star, because…" Her voice got quieter as she added, "She's my star."

Despite Yang having meant it genuinely, Ruby only saw her usual attitude of pun making and groaned again. "That was sooooo bad, international superstar. But stars and snowflakes, got it."

"Y-yeah," Yang replied with a feigned laugh. Clearly she had thought that was really romantic and it fell flat.

They both dug through the display for a little while longer, and Yang did eventually find a snowflake. Ruby was still hunting for a star when she walked back over. Clearly her mind was preoccupied.

"Um… hey Ruby?"

"Hmm?" Noticing that Yang had found what she wanted, she turned back to the display a moment to look longer. "Still can't find a star… Do you mind if it's a typical one? Or do you want a more… what? Something wrong?"

"The typical one is fine, we dug through most of 'em." Then she cleared her throat and tried to sound unconcerned as she asked, "So, were you, uh, maybe, kinda… sleeping with Blake?"

That'd made Ruby drop the small charm she had picked up, which bounced and rolled under one of the displays before she could catch it. At least it was one of the cheapest ones. "Oh, shoot! Noooo!"

“Those things are dime a dozen. C’mon, I asked you a serious question.”

She looked back around to her sister reluctantly. "No, not Blake. I mean, she said she thinks I'm cute before, but also said she would never want to because of your past. Kinda... crossing the streams, or whatever."

"Okay," she sighed in relief. "Whew! Just… you know, I noticed you guys were kinda hanging out sometimes, and… like, I never for sure thought you were, but that’s the only obvious guess I have."

Breathing with relief, Ruby laughed nervously with her. "T-that's fine! Nah, she and Sun seem to be exclusive to each other, from what I know, at least."

Under her breath, Yang muttered, "She's said that one before…" Then she cleared her throat and said, "Okay, Ruby. Whatever went on between you and whoever… it sounds like you were going past just bumping uglies and into really caring about each other. Weren't you?"

"H-hey, it wasn't like-!" But as much as she wanted to deny it, Yang was right; that was the simplest way to put it. Looking downward, she mumbled, "Yeah… we were."

"But… she's also doing stuff with someone really close to you, and it kinda gives you the 'this room is too crowded' vibe?" When Ruby didn't answer, she sighed and ran a hand through her bangs. "Whoo. That's rough."

"She’s also roommates with this person," Ruby added. It seemed like a major detail to leave in given the situation. Pacing to the other displays, she explained in more detail. "I'm not really mad about that anymore, I guess… I'm more mad that I hurt her. Not just by yelling at her about that, but that I left before talking it though. And that I hurt her before all this ugliness and didn't even know I did."

"God… and you were just gonna walk around with all this weighing you down?" Reaching over, she tousled Ruby's hair until it was a messy brown-and-red mop. It was one of the few things she had done when she was Ying that still lingered, even with how much she had changed before Ruby's eyes as they both grew up.

"Sis, I can only work with the facts I got. From where I'm standing… it sounds like this, um, person is worth it to you to go out on a limb for. I’ve been watching you moping around the past few months, and it's like… like something's missing inside you. And maybe your hookup isn't what you need, or maybe she- they are, and… I think you owe it to both of you to try. Just… I don't know, talk to ‘em again. Be chill and see where it goes."

"How?" she asked desperately with a little shrug. "How can I be 'chill' about it when I more or less said 'fuck you and what you've been through' to her face? Like… okay, it wasn't those exact words, sure; but the message was the same."

Though Yang did wince at the implication of saying something like that to someone, she gripped Ruby's shoulder. Unfortunately, due to her ignorance of the topic, her phrasing was less than ideal. "Hey, so you messed up in a… not small way. Sometimes to get what you want, you gotta eat a little crow."

Which was rather noticeable, given that she immediately shut her eyes tightly at the remark. "GOD I'd rather not hear 'Crow' and 'Eat' in the same sentence, you have no idea…"

But whether Ruby liked it or not, her sister was completely right. The problem wasn't going to be solved by hiding from each other; they needed to talk. To apologise, say their piece, and learn. Even if they ended up still avoiding each other after, the least they could do was try.

Apparently, Yang had been trying to talk to her all along, because she finally said, "Yooo, you in there, little Ruby? Big sis calling!" Then a fist was knocking on the top of her head, albeit lightly.

"GAH!" Flinching as soon as her head was touched, she nearly managed to knock the bracelet from Yang's hand! But right away she composed herself again, scratching her head. "S-sorry… I spaced. What were you saying?"

"I was saying that we should probably check out," Yang laughed easily, beaming her usual confident smile down at Ruby. "This bracelet's kinda lame, but it's literally the only idea I've had all day that doesn't make me wanna hurl myself into a volcano."

Ruby could only smile back, handing over the small star charm she had unearthed. "I actually think it's really cute, she'll love it."

But just after they'd finished checking out and re-entered the mall complex, Ruby was attempting to get some information of her own. She had been wanting to for a while, but didn't know how without raising suspicion. As naturally she could, she asked, "So… who's coming to the party? Me, Penny… who else?"

"Oh, well you know. Family people. Plus FNKI is supposed to be there, and Blake and Sun." Pointing, she asked, "Smoothies? My treat, for helping me out with this."

"Yeah, I guess smoothies wouldn’t break the bank," Ruby laughed, following her big sis. "Family people… so Dad, Jacques… Winter…?"

With a slow drawl, Yang answered, "Riiiight. That's who family is. Oh, I don't know if Uncle Qrow RSVP'd yet or not; he was invited. But Dad's gonna be there for sure." Then she looked suspiciously at Ruby. "Unless there's a problem with Dad being there…?"

"Why would I have a problem with Da-" But given the rather serious look, Ruby rolled her eyes. "Look, Dad was an example. This friend isn't actually sleeping with Dad. If she was, he would be living in the house with them, cause they are roommates with the person, remember? And no, it’s not Penny, and it’s really not me."

"Well yeah, I guess. Just double-checking, okay?" When Ruby still seemed irritated, she sighed and said, "Okay, I won't ask who's who again. I get it, this is sensitive. But… I do hope you get whatever's going on squared away. And promise me you won't sit on it until too much time went by, and now you feel like you can't speak up. Please?"

Eyebrows furrowing, Ruby looked up to her sister anxiously. She was genuinely worried about her… and had good reason to be, given what she had to deal with a few years ago; of course now that a somewhat similar situation presented itself, even if only affecting her sister, she would be on edge. But not wanting to let on how truly she was bothered by this, Ruby instead looked at the smoothie menu.

"Get me a banana and blueberry smoothie and it's a deal."

But all Yang groaned in response was, "Do you have to pick 'banana'? I'm already embarrassed enough about that as it is!"

----------------------------------------

"…but she’s been saying she wants to eat more organic, so I figured, buying some vegetable plant seeds could be an idea; something to do with little Fèn once she gets older, also. Not such a boring present, is it?"

Winter’s father had offered to drive her to her sister’s birthday party to both spare her sobriety and cab fare. He insisted strongly, despite her reluctance to be in his company. In recent days, that seemed to be worryingly common; for her to be alone or seem a little more uptight and serious than usual. Even if he had never mentioned it, her father certainly noticed.

And when noticing she still wasn't particularly listening on this occasion, he cleared his throat. "S-so… Amber couldn't come. She had something with her own family she couldn't miss, so you and Weiss will have to meet her properly another time."

"Hmm? Oh, yes… that's wonderful, Father." It was a stock answer. Winter would normally have offered up something a lot more in-depth and pointed, but it seemed she still wasn't up to the task.

In fact, she had spent most of the past months avoiding any time alone with her father. Not that he would know why. Not that they never talked, but their discussions had been fewer and further between ever since he told her about Amber. Poor Jacques. The only cause he could think of was the possibility that Winter didn't like his flowering relationship. And no wonder; no one would like to hear their parent had moved on, much less such details.

While they were at a red light, he looked around to her, asking, "You… aren't mad at me for dating again, are you?"

"What?" she asked, roused from her reverie. "No, not at all… oh, Father, I'm sorry. My mind is just elsewhere." Frowning over at him, she told him as earnestly as she could, "I didn't mean to make you think I disapprove of Amber."

There was a wave of relief, and right away he swept the sweat from his brow. "Phew! You had me worried there! Last thing I wanted to do was make you or Weiss feel uncomfortable." As the light turned green, his attention returned to the road, but he didn't drop the subject. "Then what is wrong, dear? You've seemed off for a long time now."

"Have I?" she asked, trying to sound as convincing as she could. She shifted in her seat, trying to find a more comfortable position. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Well, you have been a little," he admitted. "So, if it's not Amber… what is it? Is there something I should be concerned about? Have I done anything to upset you?"

"No, nothing," she answered immediately. There was no way she could ever tell him why she was so uncomfortable in his presence now - especially since it was getting easier to manage a little at a time. So she had to distract him, and she could only find one topic that would adequately excuse her standoffishness without making her poor father feel worse. "Just… I was beginning to think I might have found an 'Amber' of my own. But the relationship fell through before I could figure that part out."

"Oooohh… so, it's relationship trouble." While it was a better assumption than the whole truth, it was still awkward for old Jacques Schnee. He wasn't used to talking to his daughters in such circumstances until a couple of years ago, so the advice was always rusty. Still, he tried. "There's always more fish in the sea, even if you have to swim a little further out, I suppose. I know you get out more than I do, I'm sure you'll find a nice… girl, to settle down with someday."

Laughing weakly, Winter crossed her legs in the opposite direction, hoping against hope that it would abate her discomfort. No such luck. "Doubtful. I just don't feel that kind of connection with people. Not until…" Did she dare confirm? "Until she came along."

"I see… the one that got away, hmm?" Given the silence, that was also confirmed. While it wasn't as easy for him as it would be talking to a son about this sort of thing, he tried his best to treat her in the same way he would a son, and cleared his throat. "Girls are very mysterious. One minute you think you have them figured out, the next, you're back to square one. Or in your case, square zero. Of course, you know that, being a woman yourself." Scratching his head nervously, he tried to continue, "But what I'm saying is, don't bet all your money on one horse. If it's not meant to be, it won't happen. If it is, things will… well, they'll find a way to work."

"But I wasn't putting money on any horse," she sighed. "My feelings came as a complete surprise to me; I wasn't even looking! And then…" There had to be a way to discuss this without going into specifics. "We had an argument. About our relationship, and how we hadn't been entirely honest about our situations. It should have been something we could work through, but…"

"Ah, of course. Nobody likes complications." They weren't too far from the house, but rather than pull right up to the drive, he pulled the car over onto the shoulder a moment. "Listen, I'm not very good at this, you can tell; but it sounds like you both left everything up in the air rather than talking through the issue properly."

Winter could feel her anxiety rising. They were so close! She hadn't been mentally prepared to be alone with him for any longer than the drive there. But she also didn't want to squander this chance to have a non-superficial conversation with her father; they were so rare, and if she avoided this one she might not get another for a while. Or might even lead him to believe she hated him. That wouldn’t do.

"I wanted to try again. But she let me know we were done. That… she didn't want to see me anymore. She was so upset, I… how can I approach her if she hates me?"

Leaning back in his seat, Jacques sighed deeply, drumming his fingers against the top of the steering wheel as some form of distraction. "How indeed. Then again, your mother and I used to have our fair share of arguments before we got serious; sometimes, shit happens." It was unusual for her father to swear, even more so when he was calm. Still, it meant they were possibly getting somewhere. "Perhaps arrange to meet under more neutral circumstances?"

"Perhaps so." Her eyes flicked toward her sister’s house and the promise of safety, and she sighed. "We'll see. It feels so hopeless, but… I should at least apologise for my part of our misunderstanding. Then it would be up to her, right?"

"Exactly." He smiled toward her. "The ball will be in her court, as it were. If she wants to play, she will. If not… well, you can say you did everything you possibly could. It's disappointing if it does come to that, but in the end, it's far more satisfying to say you tried than to give up without trying."

Nodding glumly, she tried to let herself believe him. It was so hard! But she knew it was the truth; yes, Ruby was well within her right to end their arrangement, even without what went on with Qrow. Even so, that didn't mean she and her sister-in-law couldn't patch up their friendship, and discuss what went wrong like mature adults.

"You're right, of course. It's… I'll think about it. Thank you."

Nodding happily, he put his hands back on the wheel again to drive the last few seconds of the journey. Already, there were a few cars and bikes on the drive from the various guests. One of which included the small red car that Winter recognised so much: Ruby's.

Oblivious to that, Jacques was already taking off his seatbelt and opening the door. "In the meantime, just enjoy the party today. I'm sure Weiss will let you hold Fèn for longer than a couple of minutes this time!"

"Don't count on it," she laughed as they exited the car and began walking up towards the lakehouse. Despite their difficulties and Winter's private discomfort, she really did appreciate the talk more than she could say.

Once they got inside, they could see most of the guests had arrived. Yang and a few members of FNKI were loitering in the spacious entryway. One or two other children from Fenléng's daycare were toddling back and forth in the living room, their mothers likely nearby. Winter thought it was nice that she had a few little friends to play with.

"I'll be back in a bit, guys," Yang reassured both Flynt and Inu upon noticing the new guests. Suspecting they hadn't seen Weiss yet, she thought it best to greet the newcomers herself, managing to scoot past them to welcome her inlaws with open arms. "There you two are! Figured you got lost, again."

Jacques chuckled to himself, accepting a quick hug from her with a pat on the back. "That was just one time. Where is my other pride and joy, anyway?"

"Out in the garden with Ruby! I think they wanted to catch up a little bit before we gave Weiss her presents and stuff. You can head through, if you want?"

Raising a small bag and the box from Jacques, Winter said, "Where shall I put these?"

"Oh, I'll take 'em while we go through, it's on the way. Weiss's been waiting for you guys to turn up!"

With a brief wave goodbye to the two guests, Yang journeyed through the living room with both of Weiss’s relations following behind. She detoured to the kitchen with the two gifts, adding them to the pile, then leading Winter and Jacques to the rear conservatory doors. And there in plain sight were Ruby and Weiss, sat together on the bench.

The circumstances couldn't be any worse. Both Jacques and Weiss were completely unaware of the tension between Winter and Ruby. It gave no time for either of them to prepare mentally, especially not when Jacques was already walking outside toward them both, calling out to get their attention. "There she is! Twenty-two years young."

Turning, Weiss smirked at him as she said, "You got it right this year, Father. I'm impressed." Then her smile widened and she said, "Hey, sister of mine!"

"Happy birthday," Winter said, smiling gently. For the moment, she could forget about the girl sitting next to her sister. Ruby was definitely very important to her, but this wasn't her day, and it wasn't Winter's. "How does it feel to be another year wiser?"

"About the same," she laughed back with a little shrug. "Yang and I were just talking about that this morning; every year is just an encore, isn't it?"

"Once you're past twenty-one, it is pretty much the same,” Jacques chuckled. “Still, gives us an excuse to have a drink or two."

While he was making small talk with his daughter, Ruby continued to sit still with a drink in hand, staring toward the ground nervously. She knew Winter was there, but was far too scared to even make eye contact with her. Clearly, she had been just as cut up as Winter was in the first place. At least that was one small good sign; the pseudo-breakup wasn’t already an irrelevant event for the girl.

"So, how many others are on their way?" Winter asked, hands in the small of her back.

"Well, there's Blake and Sun," Weiss began to list off as she embraced sister. "Taiyang is on his way with Qrow. That might be everyone, right, honey?"

"Blake just messaged and said she's on the way," spoke up Yang from behind them, who had just finished putting the gifts away and was now coming to a stop by her wife’s side. "Aaaand Dad's on the way but a little held up because he went to get Penny from the airport. That’ll be a while, so… should we do presents?"

"You guys go ahead," Ruby said from her seat. At least now she raised her head a little, and looked outward to the large lake rather than at the floor like she was before. "I'm just gonna… chill here for a minute. Crazy week."

"Sorry to hear that," Winter said almost automatically. Then she cleared her throat and hastily turned to Weiss. "Are you ready for presents, or would you rather wait for Blake and Sun?"

"We can wait. In fact, now that I've stopped breastfeeding, I'm ready to have a drink. Can I get you something?"

Smiling demurely, she responded, "Oh, come on; this is your day. I can make drinks for both of us. What will everyone have?"

"Maybe Weiss already has the drinks I…" Though before she could finish that quip, Yang realised just who was in their company. They might well be on good terms, but an adult breastfeeding joke might be a bit too much for the subject’s father and sister to take. Winding back, she cleared her throat again. "Yeah, but I'll get them though, seriously. I know Weiss wants a strawberry daiquiri, and I’m still on the dry list. You two…?"

"I'm driving, so just sparkling water for me. What about you, Winter?" Jacques asked, although he was about ready to head inside.

Her eyes flicked to Yang, but then she said, "Martini, dry, single olive. That is, if it's no trouble."

"Nope, not at all!."

Weiss and Jacques headed inside first, with him asking about how she was and how Fènleng had been. It was always the subject whenever he came over now. But before Winter could step inside, Yang's hand landed on her shoulder, pulling her slightly around.

"Hey… you got a minute?"

That was quite startling for the elder of the Schnee sisters. Glancing both between the door inside and Ruby on the bench, she asked, "Of course, what's up?"

Glancing back at her little sister for a quick moment herself, she leant in closer toward Winter, talking in a hushed tone. "Okay, this is gonna be a weird request, but could you talk to her? This past few months she's had a bad case of the blues about, um, this situation she’s in. I know it's weird asking since she barely knows you, but… I'm kinda at a roadblock."

"Me?" Gulping, she glanced back at Ruby, then again at Yang. The woman she had treated so badly once upon a time. "I… don't have the greatest track record with helping people. Mentally. I'm honestly very surprised you'd ask me."

"Well, I'm stuck… Weiss is stuck, Penny's stuck… we're out of options. Not that you're a bad option, that's not what I'm saying at all! I mean, I know it's not gonna be the same as when you talked me into leaving and-" Sensing she was rambling, however, she looked down when the quizzical gaze of Winter met her own. "Bad start… bad start. But, yeah… if it's okay with you, could you? She may open up more if it's with somebody who doesn’t know her as well as us."

"Yang… you have me all wrong. I'm honoured you trust me to help her, and I'll definitely do my very best. Just… surprised." Swallowing hard, she whispered, "I've been hoping to… make things up to you; I know I can't, but anything I can do to try…"

"Oh pssshhh, I wasn't even thinking about that!" Yang quickly assured her, even laughing a little just to prove it. But in a short moment she squeezed her shoulder, just enough to convey she was serious. "I'm asking as a sister-in-law. Not as a 'you owe me'. Please?"

That prompted Winter to sigh in mild relief as she patted the hand on her shoulder. "That means the world to me. And yes, of course; I just apologise in advance if the talk doesn't do as much good as we both hope."

"Least we can say we tried. I'll have your drink ready in a second."

Finally releasing the shoulder, she headed back in the house behind Weiss and Jacques, leaving the two girls outside alone. Ruby, who was still trying to look to one side with her beverage to do anything to avoid looking her way; and Winter, who was awkward enough thinking about what needed to be done. It was pretty obvious Ruby wouldn't be the one starting.

There was so much she wanted to say, but in the end all she did was pace up behind the bench, come to a stop, and ask, "So… how have you been?"

Nervously shrugging her shoulders, Ruby kept watching the lake while she took a sip of her drink. Damn Yang… she didn't know anything about the situation, yet had somehow managed to convince Winter to do the very thing they needed to - despite her wanting to run a mile from it!

"G-good," she murmured after the sip, resting the hand back on her knee again. "J-just, um, doing so-so. And you?"

"I've been better… but I've been worse. So… I guess the same as you." She looked down towards her hands, white-knuckling on the back of the bench, and tried to relax. It wasn't working. "How are… you and Penny?"

Yet again, she shrugged her shoulders. However this time she at least made some form of effort to acknowledge her needs, by scooting to one side of the bench. "Not too bad, I guess. She has a new job, but she's been kinda stressed because I've been super tired a lot of the time."

Realising it would look strange if she kept standing there when there was an empty seat, she rounded it, sitting down as far away as she could from Ruby. Hopefully, she wouldn't feel crowded. "Why so tired? If it's not too much to ask about. Feel free to tell me it's none of my business, I…" But she didn't finish her thought.

"O-oh, it's nothing. J-just… uh…" Seemed it was more than nothing, especially when it came to the person she was admitting this to. But trying her best, she eventually shrugged her shoulders after another drink. "Just… felt a little off, that's all. I-it's like that sometimes."

"You should talk to your sister about that. She would know more about that, since she's… already on medication. No thanks to me," she added in a bitter undertone.

Closing her eyes, Ruby sighed deeply as she placed her glass on the ground and out the way. "That wasn't your fault entirely, you know. There were a lot of issues at the time with her, hiding under the surface. And besides, I'm pretty sure it’s not genetic; my parents weren’t diagnosed with stuff like that. So if it’s anybody, it’s Yang’s mom, I guess."

"Still, you… should work on what's troubling you." This was getting harder to dance around, and when she thought about doing so, she found she was unable to. "Because despite… how things played out, I still want what's best for you, Ruby. There's just no sense in you suffering if you can talk to someone, sort things out. Medication or no medication."

"I'm not depressed," she corrected. Although from the way she kept staring toward the ground, she wasn't exactly doing anything to prove that comment wrong. In the end, she placed her hands on the bottom of her small skirt, grasping the hem anxiously. But in the end, she thought to herself; what good would it do to keep distracting and leaving things unsaid? "I've just… been upset. Not Depression, not anything else; I'm just sad, okay? It… it was my own stupid fault in the first place."

"What was?" When Ruby didn't answer immediately, she followed up with, "I don't want to assume anything. That isn't my right. But maybe whatever has upset you wasn't your fault alone, and… and then you wouldn't have to punish yourself so harshly. Right?"

For a long while, there was silence between them. Ruby continued to look downward, still unable to yet look up at someone she once couldn't get enough of. It was almost tragic how far they had drifted thanks to a single argument. But the silence was lifted by a small, but rather desperate whisper.

"I miss you."

Winter's head raised, eyes wide. Her mouth worked as if she would respond right away, but she forced herself to stop, to consider her words more carefully. Then she stated, "And I have missed you. So much."

Tucking a stray strand of hair out of her own face, she eventually settled to holding her hands together on her lap, idly crossing her legs to appear casual. Just on the off-chance anyone inside was looking. But already, she could feel everything she had bottled up coming loose, feel her heart thudding with fear, eyes welling up.

"I just got so mad," she began to confess. “S-so mad and so jealous… and I had n-no right to be. That wasn't fair. Not when I-I'd done things just as bad to you."

"You didn't realize what you had done was so…" Winter paused, having to breathe deeply. This wasn't something she made a habit of discussing, so even now, months later, it was difficult. "We both crossed a line that we didn't think as important to the other person as it turned out to be. Is… that fair to say?"

It was accurate. All Ruby had wanted to do was show Winter that she was brave enough to do more daring things, while Winter simply wanted to keep the two most important people in her life happy without awkward encounters. It was certainly a fair assessment. Nodding in agreement, she stared out toward the lake again in a somewhat more contented silence.

"…How's Qrow?"

"Oh, he's been alright. They promoted him to assistant manager of the bar; said he was doing a great job with the work but was a little rude to the customers, so he was better placed being rude to the bartenders."

"So he gets to sit at a desk behind the bar and drink? Sounds like an ideal job for him."

Winter smiled down at the hands in her lap. "You… probably don't want to know any more details than that, do you?"

Though that last comment didn't make Ruby laugh. Unfortunately, she was still rather awkward about that situation. "N-no… not really. I wanna hear if he's okay but not like, those details."

"Of course, of course," she replied hastily. "I have no problem with that. As long as you agree not to tease me about… about the other thing. We can bring it up from time to time, but don't tease. It just…" She looked away, biting her lip to keep from showing a reaction too severe.

"I know… I stepped over the line." Nervously she shuffled in her seat again, looking downward toward the floor. A look of pure shame. "The truth is… I just thought that maybe… if I used my intuition and showed that I could be daring enough to try something big like that, you'd be pleased with my progress. But now I know, t-that was completely wrong. That you can't ‘guess’ with this stuff."

The corner of her mouth ticked up as she conceded, "Well, to be fair, you were right with everything except the third person who happened to be in the room. But your performance was… I still have to fan myself thinking about how good you were."

"It… was pretty hot." Unsure if that was crossing the line or not, she shrugged her shoulders nervously. "That doesn't count as teasing, right? To admit that it was really… really thrilling?"

"No, not at all. I… could tell you how I really felt about it, if you promise not to pass judgment. A-and if you promise not to think it means I dislike you; just because I was angry and upset didn't mean I wanted you out of my life! I regret so much that I made it seem that way…"

"I wouldn't blame you if you did… I crossed the line," she admitted again. She knew she deserved more than that. She expected fury, rage even, but Winter had something else to say. "…g-go on?"

"What I said during play… that it really turned me on… I wasn't lying. It did. But admitting that means admitting that…" Winter's cheeks were pink already due to how long they had been talking about their last session, but she bravely forged ahead.

"On the car ride up here, I spent the entire time trying to ignore how wet I was getting. Because I was in the same car as my father. You were so good, and gave me such a powerful climax, that now… now I associate that with speaking to him, being in the same place as him. Which I'm so ashamed of; it's… not as if he had anything to do with it directly, or as if I want to sleep with him! GOD, no! But the two things are connected in my brain pretty strongly now." Now that the older woman had said her peace, she closed her eyes and waited for the reaction. However bad it might turn out to be.

"Ohhh…" Surprisingly, it was far easier for Ruby to take in than expected. While it was good to learn that she had given Winter an extremely powerful orgasm, and Winter was proud of her as a sub… learning that Winter now associated her own father with their escapades wasn't so good. In fact, when she thought about it…

It was the same association she now had with Qrow once learning who he was. Finding out that Qrow was another of Winter’s partners made such thoughts hard to totally block out. A sexual context for her own uncle. They were both dealing with those awful tricks of their minds. Only difference was, Ruby knew she would never accidentally be picturing her uncle during the act the same way Winter might with her father.

"Shit… I really screwed up…"

"Not so badly. I mean, it's almost fun, when I'm not disgusted with myself." A few seconds later, she added in a weak murmur, "That was supposed to be humourous, but after saying it, I realized it didn't come out that way…"

Still blinking, she finally looked more in Winter's direction than the floor at last. Not eye contact yet, but it was better than what it was. "Geeze, I just wanted to do something… adventurous. To be bold or whatever. I didn't want to ruin an entire person for you, let alone your own father!"

With another gentle, nervous smile, she turned back to face forward. "You don't have that much power, Ruby. He's not ruined, exactly… just… this is something I'll have to work through. But it does help to have a specific cause; you fucking me under the desk, instead of just 'Surprise, you're turned on in your father's presence'. Keeps me from thinking I'm even more of a deviant than I already am."

There was a small chuckle coming from her. "That would be the worst version of the Daddy kink."

"Ugh," Winter groaned, ducking her head. "Do you know how long I mentally dissected me moaning 'Daddy' when I’m being fucked?! I haven't called him that in over a decade, and I still had to worry about it!"

"Oh my god, I was kidding - I didn't know you had one!" The laugh was beginning to increase in volume. In fact, it would be the loudest anyone would have heard her laugh in weeks, even if it was a slight form of teasing. Their talk was working.

So Winter kept it going. Yes, she was uncomfortable with the subject matter, but it was also a relief to be able to get it out and discuss it instead of bottling everything up. "Well, I do, but it never had anything to do with my actual daddy until that night. Not as far as I knew, anyway." Shifting in her seat, she muttered, "You know what they say about all little girls wanting to marry their fathers…"

"Not me; never ever been interested in men. Even me being kinda weird about sex aside…" Finally, she felt her muscles relaxing as she grew more at ease; even began to smile. Maybe things were going to work out for them still being friends, after all. In the end, that's what they wanted, to be in one another's lives, regardless of feelings.

But Ruby didn't want to leave it there. Talking about where things went wrong with their arrangement was one thing, but with their feelings was another. They had come too far, said too much to leave it there without talking it through fully. If only she could take that first step.

Though Winter beat her to it. "If you're sure you want to keep these secrets, and aren't already disgusted by me…" Her eyes flicked up to Ruby's face, then away again, waiting. Bursting to speak, but afraid that she had already gone too far.

"I could never be disgusted with you." At long last, she looked up, and right at Winter's face. It was like she was seeing her for the first time all over again. She could already feel the bottled up feelings reemerging, the compulsive need to grab Winter and kiss her as hard as she could. But they had to talk it out first. "Even after all my thinking, all this time with these dumb thoughts… I can't be disgusted with you. I can't even dislike you. And I don't want to. Because all this time has passed and I… I-I… still…"

Almost as if to head her off, Winter went on, "G-good. Because it's been getting worse, even if I've been getting better at processing it; understanding it's a kink, and it doesn't make me bad for having a kink if I don't indulge it. That's not as bad, right?" Her eyes held Ruby's for just a moment, hopeful, drinking in the desire she saw reflected there, before she turned away.

"As you heard, my father has begun dating this Amber woman. I've seen her, and she really is attractive." More fidgeting from the elder Schnee sister. "S-so… I may have had a stray fantasy about walking in on them…"

"Well… I-I guess… um…" Truly speechless after that confession of hers, Ruby looked to one side wide eyed, scratching the back of her head nervously. Managing to force a chuckle of her own, she admitted, "I guess these things don't hurt. Fantasies and all that, different strokes for different folks."

"You know, I could tell he was flustered by that sketch of yours - which I framed, by the way, I hope I can show you how it looks framed. That… is part of what made it harder to forget this whole thing. He didn't know it, but he was finding me attractive." Then she cleared her throat, waving that away as best she could. "Which only makes sense; he's always told me I'm a lot like Mother was. Weiss is the one who looks so distinctly different, even though there's a family resemblance, of course."

"Weirdly? She looks like your dad, if he was a girl… if that makes sense?" She could only hope that would be enough to make her chuckle along with her. The strange thing was, at the start of this arrangement, she was so obsessed with Winter's likeness to Weiss. Now, she could completely separate them. When with Winter, it was like Weiss was never even a factor.

"She does!" Winter admitted with a giggle of her own, raising a hand to her mouth to hide it. Then she sighed and said, "Anyway, enough about my budding Electra complex before I develop a thing for Weiss, too." Turning more fully, she looked straight at Ruby with a sober gaze. "I'm so happy that we can talk again. It might not be easy, but I can't tell you how much I've missed this!"

Laughing right back with her, Ruby picked her drink back up from the ground. The smile on her face evolved into a grin. "Me too! This was one of the things I missed. I mean, Weiss and Blake are great to talk to, but you sorta get fed up with them bringing up their other halves like, all the time."

Nodding, Winter crossed her legs in a lot less discomfited gesture - though she still shivered slightly at the action. "Indeed, they do go on about each other. But it's a positive thing, that they're in such stable relationships." Glancing over at Ruby, she asked in a careful tone, "You and Blake didn't ever…?"

Drinking the final swig of her drink, Ruby shook her head lightly, drawing the glass away. "Nah. We agreed that'd be too weird with how she was with Yang and all. Plus, as much as she knows she's bisexual…" Shuffling up closer to Winter a moment, she quickly checked the area to make sure no one was in sight. Thankfully, they were all too distracted by the presents to even notice those two outside. Finally, she leaned into her ear, whispering, "She is definitely all about dicks."

Giggling, Winter whispered back, "I know. I offered to Dom her a few times, or to let her Dom me, and she said she 'wouldn't mind' but didn't seem all that excited about getting around to it. I saw that as the gentle kiss-off that it was, and never pushed for an answer."

"Yeah… She won't admit it, but she is a cockslut," Ruby whispered back. And yet even when she was done whispering, she didn't move away. Not yet. She had become content with sitting right at Winter's side, even leaning in slightly toward her. So close… even after months, it was becoming like those few romantic sessions all over again. Except there were no characters, no practice. This was Winter Schnee and Ruby Rose.

"Do you still…" But as soon as the words began to form, she held a hand up, shaking her head. "Nah, forget it, I'm being dumb."

"I still miss more than just our sessions," Winter told her firmly, offering it when Ruby hadn't finished her question. "I miss YOU, all of you."

Ruby found no more words to say. Usually a chatterbox who let her mouth run, and she was completely speechless. All she could do was keep their close proximity, feel her cheeks beginning to heat up once more as Winter stared back at her. She always managed to make her blush… and this was no exception. After a brief check to make sure no one was around, she found her eyes wandering elsewhere. To Winter's eyes, her lips…

"Kiss me."

"Are you sure?" she breathed gently, allowing her index finger to brush down along Ruby's arm. "Someone might see. Or do you want them to see?" Quirking her lips, she whispered as she drifted closer, "Not that I would fault you if that was secretly what you wanted."

"I-I want…" She wanted everything to go the way it was meant to go when she first confessed her feelings for Winter. She wanted for them to be more, so much more. "I want you… I want to feel how you feel about me. Even after this long. I-if you still do."

At the more insistent wording, the lessening of ambiguity, Winter's eyes began to shimmer. Her throat tightened, and she leaned in yet closer. With only another second of hesitation, her lips took the younger woman's, hungrily and with great relish.

And she poured every last ounce of desire into her mouth as she kissed her back, as her hand slid up to rest upon her neck. For the first time, one of their kisses wasn't merely full of confidence, sensuality, desire. This time, there was so much affection - on a level closer to Penny's, though different in its own right. Open and earnest.

In the same way, Ruby felt her eyes closing in bliss. Her hand crept up and into Winter's hair, bringing her in closer. Her other hand was holding her glass as best she could, but even that was a struggle. In the movement and effort Winter displayed when she opened her lips slightly further, when she eased her tongue forward to brush against her own, she could feel it. This kiss was so completely different to what she had felt from her before, yet entirely familiar. Winter Schnee loved her, and she could tell from that single, honest kiss between them. And already she could feel tears welling up in her eyes all over again.

Though Winter continued to pour more and more of her affection into the contact, eventually it grew to be too powerful. She had to break away to whisper, "I thought I lost you forever!" before she threw her arms around Ruby, pushing her face into her neck and trembling all over as she tried not to break down entirely.

Although hesitant at first, Ruby eventually found the strength to hug right back, pulling her in tightly as she grasped the cardigan she was wearing. Everything was back, her scent, her touch; her. And she wouldn't have it any other way. What a fool she was to let it all go, to let such a thing slip away because of a pathetic argume-

"Guys, we're starting to open the presents!"

Yang happened to call as she stood by the conservatory door. Why did that have to happen now?! Thankfully, there was no awkwardness about the embrace; it simply looked like what Yang had intended for them, for Winter to have helped Ruby with her sadness. And that brought a smile to her face. "Awww, come on you nerds, get in here!"

Pulling back with a sniffle, she was sure not to do what she would have done - kiss Ruby again - and instead turned immediately to call, "Coming!" When addressing Ruby again, she whispered, "Are you going to be alright? I mean, I think I can dry it up, but we can linger a moment if you need to."

Moving the hand from the back of her head to her shoulder instead, she nodded. She desperately wanted to do the same, quickly lunge forward and kiss Winter. But that would have to wait until another time. "Y-yeah, we'd better. Yang's been worried about me."

"Yeah, she said. Your sister really cares for you; I'm glad you're so close." Biting her lip as she stroked Ruby's arm, down out of sight due to the bench, she whispered, "Maybe… she can be one of the first ones we tell, when we're ready. She and Weiss. I think they're the ones who might feel the most strange about us being anything other than sisters-in-law."

"Yeah… Yeah that's true. It would be a good idea." But it seemed at first, Ruby hadn't quite realised what that implied. Until she started to really think about it. And her eyes widened once she began to think on it more and more, before finally gasping, "You… want that with me? Like, to be completely out in the open? Really?"

"Possibly," she answered with a shy smile as she finally began to stand up, pulling Ruby to her feet alongside. "Depending on other factors. Mainly, you and Penny; if we did that, she would be part of a polyamorous relationship, even if she has no feelings for me. I don't want to put her in that position if she's not comfortable with it. And then we'll have to decide how we feel about each of the other people in our lives knowing about it in turn."

"Yeah, of course. If we don't handle this right, people would accuse me of being a cheater. And I don't want that – she doesn’t deserve to have people thinking that, either. Don't worry, I'll be talking to her about it soon."

Winter nodded, then couldn’t help grinning down at the little puppy. Now all hers – or at least, more hers than she had been expecting. "I can’t wait."

#Lady Stardust #rwby fanfiction #ruby x winter #rwbyremnants #INCEST TW #(even tho it's not really)

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understanding-media · 3 years

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Is there a shift in how celebrities are viewed, and is it good?? would you agree??

BA (Hons) Media Production

Kane O’Brien (Student ID: s5314184)

My case study for this essay - "is there a shift in how celebrities are viewed by, and interact with fandoms, and is it for the better?"

This essay intends to delve into some new shifts in celebrity perception by a new form of fandom that celebrities are cultivating and how there's a change in how they present themselves and interact with these fandoms. Also looking briefly at the importance of this for society, how with more accessible celebrities there can be less of an invisible social wall between them and how "normal" people feel locked off on one side of it while celebrities know the secret to get over it. But also, with this wall crumbling, celebrities can become more in tune with the real world and less outcast, and seemingly ignorant to the real world and its issues.

I find this case study important to look into even though is still a fairly new shift but such a significant shift because with this change people goals become less impossible. From my experience with getting into music production and with finding a large music producer that casually streams on twitch himself giving advice and showing what he does but just like any other person and showing I can get where I want with effort and that they aren't so far away from normal people.

The two concepts I will use to analyse my case study are Fandoms and Participatory culture. Fandom being looking into the people who have these celebrities as a part of their life more so than just liking their content and participatory culture where the fandoms participate in the content and life of the celebrities. A prime example I will be using throughout this essay will be a music producer by the name 'Kenny Beats', he's a prime example of both a fandom where he's built a community he regularly interacts with and live streams with other celebrities that the fandom tunes into daily and bond over their common "idol". Participatory culture is his main allure to his fandom, he runs a discord community that he gives free royalty-free content, and also linked with his streams the community participates in 'beat battles' where he reviews, gives advice, and has even gotten people signed to labels. He contributes to his fandom and also has the fandom casually participate in his content with even offering salary paid jobs at his business "D.O.T.S"

To state the cores of my chosen concepts are "Fandom as a whole is a subculture that celebrates a mutual bond formed between people over a book series, TV show, movie, band, or other forms of pop culture" (Morrison, 2016), and "the idea that various peoples, societies, and cultures to interact with new media in a way that allows them both to add and take away information from this medium." (Jenkins, 2006) is the core of Participatory culture. These are the most important concepts for this case study as having a good fandom allows for a blossoming community that can feel connected to and understanding of the celebrity, having good participatory culture allows for that fandom and other participants to offer something to the media or industry they desire to be a part of and feel a connection rather than separated as people and the media and its celebrities. Of course, though with fandoms there's the risk of them becoming toxic with a higher feeling of entitlement and gatekeeping to others making the celebrities even more dejected from normal society and even less accessible.

although I do firmly believe that the integration of participatory culture it levels that out allowing the celebrity to intervene and shape their community. As with participatory culture being endorsed in new fandoms, it allows a level of self-governing where they can communicate with the celebrity in question to allow changes to be made that the people want and can solve issues of toxicity directly.

This is the basis of what I desire to focus on and evaluate to reach the answer of my case study with my research to bring this to light and create discussion on the topic.

is there currently a shift in how celebrities are viewed by, and interact with fandoms, and is it for the better? In the past and up till recently celebrities were viewed in a very specific way as idols and out of reach and touch with "normal people", they are regularly presented as beings above the rest of us and people obsess over their lives seeing them as "the best of the best" or remarkable idols, it's a strange obsession developed over years. (Levy, 2015) (for example, how people are obsessed when they date "normal" people rather than other celebrities)

with this presentation and obsession, celebrities are dejected from societal norms and the issues that go on around them. For example, "A-list" celebrities like Drake, Jamie Fox, and others don't interact commonly with "normal" people or have their fans/fandoms participate in their lives casually or in their work having suggestions or adding something to the content these huge celebrities create and fans love. But in recent years there's been a shift in a few of the "lower tier" celebrities where they develop a community that feels involved but not entitled to the lives of these people. The best example of this and who I will regularly refer to is music producer 'Kenny Beats' who has produced some of the biggest Hip-Hop songs in recent years and is extremely idolised and respected.

Kenny Beats started a YouTube show In March of 2019, in this show he casually met up with huge celebrities in Hip-Hop and it showed these people and himself joking around in a studio that seemed 3rd rate, it showed a human side to these people and started a fandom around him and these people that weren't obsessed in the common way celebrity fandoms are. Then at the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, he started a Discord community for his fans to talk to each other and communicate with him in, as well as a Twitch live stream where the new wave finally began for this shift in celebrity representation and community. He would casually talk to this community as a member rather than "the face" a sole reason for it, he would take fan advice and that would go into real songs, his fandom actively participated in his work and he actively participated in theirs. This wave of participatory culture developed his fandom into an organic and casual state where he would get people jobs and signed to a label but also where these "normal people" were a part of his content and art. His Fandom became something casual, and the people never saw him as some famous pariah they idolised and obsessed over, they don't pry or feel entitled to his or his celebrity guests/friend life like most fandoms act.

Although this sounds great and progressive on the surface, with this shift towards this new wave of fandom and fan interaction there comes risks. People are so set in their ways of idolising and believing in their right to know about their favourite celebrities. If the more "A-list" celebrities with these already obsessive fans and invasive swamping paparazzi culture around them take a step in this direction of cultivating a fandom with real participation between them and their community, without a smart and smooth transition and commitment they run the risk of cultivating and growing the toxic and entitled way of thinking further removing them from "normal society" and have a huge surge of gatekeeping and people feeling more entitled as they now have a community the celebrity is involved in. especially with cancel culture growing and growing where even then with a casual approach they run the risk of people not liking if their expectations aren't met. And this causes celebrities to become more detrimental to themselves and is what creates the commonly seen narcissism in celebrity culture, this toxic isolation and obsession with their lives creates many issues for celebrities and their fans (Brian H. Spitzberg, William R. Cupach, 2008)

But this is changing, slowly but surely. With a couple of celebrities that are much more high profile than 'Kenny Beats' but following in his footsteps with this shift in. fan interaction, these being 'Snoop Dogg' and 'T-Pain' now also doing regular streams on the platform Twitch and shows them doing pretty normal stuff and grounding them. Snoop Dogg now regularly streams games he plays and takes recommendations from his fans and just using twitch, in general, entices participatory culture on the fan side of actually having a part in this new venture of his into streaming.

T-Pain also streams and has a discord very similar to Kenny Beats, but T-Pain focuses more on a discussion about the music industry and helping his fandom to feel secure and capable but in a realistic way rather than the old "you can do anything" crap. He shows a side we don't get to see from most other huge celebrities and shows the truth of how he's just a guy that worked hard and slowly became famous and that it doesn't happen overnight. Showing that this shift so far is positive and has created very friendly and inclusive fandoms where participatory culture plays a huge role in its success and casual nature rather than the toxic obsession format we're used to.

The celebrities we see taking part in this shift are also far more involved in talking about the real-world problems which is a great thing as celebrities are a huge factor in what people care about and are exposed to, especially where fewer and fewer people watch/read news sources and its mostly through word of mouth and public figures addressing it, celebrities that have these more caring and social fandoms are detrimental these days for the awareness of distant suffering issues and it's improving from the old ignorant ways of celebrities and their narcissism due to their activity and participation with the fans who are caring of these issue's and contribute to the celebrities world education and vice versa (Scott, 2014)

Personally, for this topic, I do find it important. I'm very passionate about getting g into the media industry and more specifically into music production, but that sort of career was always a very far-off dream and so very inaccessible to some random kid from a small town in England where nothing ever happens. But finding 'Kenny Beats' who I spoke on in the main essay changed that way of thinking for me. I originally had a lot of disdain for the sort of celebrity culture and the fandoms that surround them as most are toxic, obsessive, and filled with gatekeeping. For example, used to be extremely into metal music but the fandoms in that are elitist and unwelcoming to anyone who doesn't know everything, but when I found Kenny Beats fandom and how he interacts with everyone and that they participated with him I was amazed and felt welcomed, and everyone is there teaching each other all the time about music and even just talking and helping people just with anything. It re-inspired me to do what I was passionate about as I saw him as just another guy that was good at what he does and that he cares and helps people, he even ended up getting a 16-year-old boy from Scotland signed to 'XL Records' (the label that does Adele and Radio head!) this new, completely different fandom to what I'd ever seen before inspired me and helped with my anxiety of wasting my time working for a "silly pipe dream of a career"

So, in conclusion to my case study. I feel the answer is yes, in my opinion, we are starting to see celebrities more and more as people rather than commodities and it's an incredibly good thing for society as these people are important to the public's decisions and what we are exposed to and care about. And with them being more grounded they can be more involved in the world rather than dismissed because they're "dumb celebrities". Although yes there are the risks of cultivating a more toxic and entitled community with higher-profile celebrities but with something as simple as starting with a good social presence on a platform like Twitter, especially like 'Lil Nas X' who is rather huge now but is seen as a rather normal person from his casual and human-like tweets that ground him and make him relatable. because that's all it is in the end, celebrities need to take this shift and become more grounded and relatable to the "normal" person, and this shift is that starting to happen, and it will help the world and its people be better. slowly but surely, at least in my opinion. what's yours??

(please use this link to see sources used, recommendations for future use are welcomed)

#what do you think?#digital media #celebrity #essay writing

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altarflame · 4 years

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Let me give you this real country music breakdown.

Keeping in mind that 2019 involved lots of gut wrenching transition, including divorce and selling my home of 11 years (the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere). Moving away from the tropics, to a place where the ocean is usually too far and my plants can’t live outside through the winter. I had a kid move out and away, for the first time. My oldest friend also died last August, after a scant 3 month long battle with cancer. It was a real plague upon my proverbial dog, wife, and pickup truck. And, of course, I’m living through a pandemic, and a long overdue but very emotional racial justice uprising, with the rest of you, now. Anyway. OTHER than those things, my 2020 has been like...My sister’s gradually, gut wrenchingly cut off all contact with me over the past couple of years, culminating in the last couple of months, whenst we no longer speaketh at all. I’ve fought hard for this to be different and it’s still very sharp. I don’t think I’ll ever give up hope, or stop making a fool of myself about it. A new friend I was starting to really care about hung herself in April. I’ve tried to be there for her husband and 5 year old daughter when and how I can, which is honestly not much. I’ve taken several people who were scared to go alone, to her grave. I felt forced to break up with the person I thought was my soul mate, these past 3 years, and wanted to be with forever, and I have grieved it hard over the last couple of months. I’m still processing this. I’m gonna be processing this for awhile. My threshold for being anywhere near him without overwhelming sobbing is apparently approximately 45 seconds. In the beginning we were scrambled together, mixed in a celestial bowl and hand fluffed with a feather. And the tears of bliss were not amiss - it was a good day. But the story nears the present time Of restlessness and wake up calls Wake up! Years have flown fast but then who's counting The wars have been won but there's few left standing between us And the shadows of Christmas past... Critically acclaimed but sadly underrated - Fortune definitely favored us, but no one celebrated. Our wits were splitting at their ends... We gazed upon the city lights We each laughed aloud one final time and agreed: This is one thing we'll miss... On his way out, he sabotaged my part time foster child’s mom’s tenuous, fragile relationship with me, so I no longer have the ability to connect with or help that child who he brought into my life. Who I love and wonder about and periodically hear horror stories about via mutual friends. I bent over backwards, I burned calories straining for that trust between the mom and myself.

It’s so terrible sometimes. It hurts so bad. Jean-Paul. LAURA. *MILLS* . Coralye. FUCK. This post brought to you with plenty of hard crying, and no shortage of echoing painful music. I’m physically sick about this shit semi often. I don’t normally let go of anybody, guys. But certainly not my fucking nearest and dearest. I have a lot. I have SO MUCH. I know this. I feel good a lot of the time. I have all 5 of my kids under this roof while the pandemic rages on, and they’re all healthy and beautiful and they all love me and talk with me. It’s mostly all cake these days with them, Elise telling me where she is in her own solitary reading for pleasure, Ananda cracking me up, Jake biking to the grocery store for treats to share, Aaron showing me something amazing in the yard, Isaac washing dishes and giving me weirdly helpful and totally unanticipated advice. They’re almost no work now, it’s all return on investment and I have tons of privacy and I use the fuck out of it. I’m deeply in love with somebody these past 7 months. Being deeply in new love AND devastated-heartbroken about lost love at the same time is honestly dizzying, I spent a first destitute day thinking maybe I can’t do polyamory anymore, period. Maybe this is too fucking much and I’m gonna be alone and focus on my career and my goddamned plants. (<--not fucking really, obv I am not gonna let the pain win and go full hermit. Brief compelling temptation, though.) My career and my plants are great, btw, thanks for asking. I’ve got basically my dream job, it’s flexible and lackadaisical AND meaningful and challenging, it’s salaried with bonuses and hella benefits and amazing job security. It’s the whole thing, the culmination of 6 years in school and unpaid internships and volunteering. I even have a spare PRN position elsewhere that I mostly hang on to because it’s fun when they want me to come make $200 for a shift, to mix it up a little. And I have solo projects, writing and web and mental health, all in the works, and they’re good. I have seedlings sprouting. I have a yard that is pure magic, revealing new secrets each day. I’ve got some of my oldest people, like Jess. I’ve got some exciting new people, like Jill. The love, did I mention it? Holy shit. I’ve got Sterling, and that is a whole other story. That it’s been this good while things are this bad is pretty astounding. His own drama quotient has been off the charts, too. I almost can’t imagine how wonderful it would be if we weren’t constantly adrift in a sea of bullshit, though I also strongly suspect we both need a certain staggering minimum quota of bullshit. It’s no accident that we met mutually chasing along after the wake of the same madman’s chaos. We’re nursing some deep wounds in each other, waking up some old old hurts and soothing them back down smaller and smaller. Anytime we’re touching it’s either syrupy soma sweet, blazing inferno hot, or a staggering blend of the two - and then we pull apart to try to actually speak with whole brains, and inevitably take turns being baffled, just hilariously relieved, at how easy it is to communicate. We alternate coming at each other on tiptoe, braced, and then feeling confused and just.... amused? Skeptical? that the other is totally able to empathize with what was just said and is accepting it gently. We don’t have a ton of objective stuff in common, on paper. We’re both very wordy and linguistic, we’re analyzers, we draw unusual people who will feel safe telling us insane things. We’re both hypersexual perverts, chronic pickers, we both wear too much black. It doesn’t go a lot further than that at a glance. We both have PTSD and ironclad outward facing coping skills, nostalgia for the Florida Keys, scientific skepticism mixed with some faith in magic.... we were both brilliant children who felt pretty isolated. But I haven’t ever really felt like anyone is loving me the way I love people, before. I’ve never even felt like anyone else received my love, the same way I intended it, or at least not all of it. It’s like the intensity of what I’m conveying and meaning when I kiss somebody’s cheek, I dunno man, he experiences it. The goofy flowing sense I have, of holding hands, he comments on it all the time. I’m not just like.... alone, in my overwhelm with being touched, or my enthusiasm for sensations, and that is honestly pretty new to me. Sterling is not tolerating my affection for my sake, and I’m still gradually adapting to that with periodic backsliding into hesitance, and unneeded apologies. It’s like we’re totally fluent in the precise same love language, so nothing gets lost, and the feedback loop is instantaneous. He’s dark inside, but dark like Nine Inch Nail’s A Warm Place. Dark like the womb. So as I was saying. I have so much. Including a candle that’s about Mills, and is burning behind me, giving me this slipping sense that I need to blow it out, I need to reserve it, it’s gonna be gone soon. This one spans so many feelings, it’s been positive, some new candle would be what, voodoo? Meddling? I don’t know. This one’s been in a drawer, with our ring buried in it (my dragon). What will I do with that ring? What will I do with all this love? How can I contain so much, anyway? Why can’t anything ever replace anything else? It’s like infinite space, and the empty places just keep throbbing, and it’s like I sprout new spots for new fullness and the cavities pulse on. I’m deeply grateful for a certain self-completeness I’ve come to understand that I have, and that not everyone does. I am resiliant A-motherfucking-F (<--meta vulgar!). AND YET. OW OW OW. I’m sitting here trying to exposure therapy my way through my Mills playlist, as I write this, so Spotify can’t surprise me into sads anymore. I’ve gotten already to a place where sometimes i remember positive things purely positively, and laugh and tell a story and it’s ok. I’m bitter as all hell that I can’t even talk to my sister about this breakup, after she had so many stupid goddamned feelings about the relationship itself, about polyamory in general, about ever knowing him (which might have allowed her to help me grieve at all). Sigh. I love the internet, maybe feel free to send me a message if you’re still reading, whoever the fuck you are <3

#personal #long text posts #polyamory #Mills #loss #Sterling #motherhood #MSW

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talkingsong · 5 years

Quote

It really do be like that sometimes.

I watched a memes video before this reading I’m sorry

They say astrology is the map of your life- everything that occurs within it can be explained by the stars. Today, July 25th, 2019, I’ve channeled messages for each zodiac sign. To read yours, simply scroll down, find your sun, moon, or rising sign, and read. Even if it isn’t July 25th when you read this, whatever message you see is the message designed especially for you, however the timing ends up working out.

ARIES

Don’t feel guilty for having the things that you have. Gratitude is a debt repaid for the gifts that you’ve received- if you didn’t deserve them, then you wouldn’t have gotten them. I feel like you guys have finally manifested what you want (or part of what you want) and that it has to do with physical items and material things, mostly. Get over your feeling that you getting what you want is unfair to others. Your ego is getting in the way. You’ve been communicating with the universe and it has been communicating with you- there is a current equal give and exchange between you and the universe. Cherish it in a self-less way. Find beauty in the connection rather than the fact that it’s YOU connecting with IT, if that makes sense.

TAURUS

Let go of your dependency on yourself. You will get much further if you allow other people into your plan and partner up to get things done. Rest when you’re alone- but understand that work is when you're with others. Achieve this balance and your bright future is already manifested.

Also, don’t oversmother your projects. Your progress is like taking care of a plant- water it once, leave it in direct sunlight for two hours twice a week. Sunlight is your attention. Water is the emotion and thought and intention that you put into your projects. Don’t drown the plant in either.

GEMINI

C’mon Geminis, you big, lumpy blobs of confusion and inner conflict. Your guides are pushing you to actually communicate with someone. Open up! Tell them what’s wrong! Even if you don’t want them to know or even if it’s hard, you need to in order to move forwards in your life. If someone asks you how you’re feeling, don’t just answer “fine.” If someone asks you what’s wrong, don’t just say “I’m tired.” Your partner or your friends or family have noticed that you aren’t as present as you usually are and you need to give them a reason, please and thank you.

Your guides are also pushing you to do something that they’re saying they’ve been telling you to do for a while now and you’re not doing it. They’re sending a gentle but firm reminder to get your ass in gear and start doing what you’re meant to. Gët gôīńg.

CANCER

This is about romance for some of you. Your guides are saying choose from the heart! Your logic marks the stepping stones for you to take your dreams into reality. So know that things are about to start moving really really fast and the things that you’ve been wanting are coming up quickly, don’t be stuck in that beginners energy. Pick the path you wanna go down, know that you can change it if you want down the line, but pick decisively and head down it! For those of you wondering: Yes, this man is the one that you’re meant to start a relationship with at this time. Have fun you two! Ahh.... use protection, I guess!

LEO

Add more humor into your life, dude. I understand that there’s a shit ton of energy going on here and you're thinking about a lot, but make room for some joking around, yeah? You’re in the process of finding what it is that you truly believe. And you’re starting to find what you want to protect and defend in your life going forward. I see you becoming an activist for something important to you, something that you’ve experienced at some point in your life that effected you strongly. It’s your time to follow a higher path and understand what that whole experience really was about. There’s a quote here that I’ll hope helps you, because I don’t really have much else to say considering this is more of a journey for the individual-

“Basically, we are all responsible for the preservation of our personal joy; but happiness is different. Joy is not circumstantial, happiness is. You can be depressed and still have joy. You can be suicidal and still have joy. We all stop thinking and we all stop talking and we all stop sharing and we all stop creating, because by doing any of these things we quickly find out just how unhappy we are. But that's okay. That's normal. Don't let the fear of unhappiness cripple your pursuit of finding what it is you believe. Since joy is found in belief, we all have to push through unhappiness to find joy. Basically.” ― Tyler Joseph

Hope this helps.

VIRGO

Ayyyyy, Virgos! Y’all are my people. I mean, I’m not a virgo, but like.... We get each other, y’know? Anyways-

I feel like you’re starting to call in more of your tribe. You’re attracting more friends and people into your life that actually love and care about you and build you up, and vice versa. I feel like you’re getting more genuine connection with your own intuition and emotion and spirituality as well. Continue on your path trusting yourself and those around you completely, and success is basically guaranteed.

LIBRA

Don’t overanalyze the options, you have a better choice. You need to confront whatever problem or issue that you’ve been avoiding, because you ignoring it is blocking you and your progress. To turn this around, make sure to stop procrastinating and just make a decision already. 77 might be an important number to you, or angel number 877.

SCORPIO

In the past you’ve been through a lot, especially with friend groups and drama, and because of it you’ve transformed into a more beautiful person. You now have the experience needed to plan your future accordingly because of what happened in the past and what you’ve learned from it. Trust yourself and stay devoted to the future you! Go ahead and get involved in any creative endevours that you’ve been thinking about taking and listen to your advice from your inspiration and your heart. You go, girl.

SAGGITARIUS

I feel like you’ve just completed some cycle or battle of sorts, and are currently in the limbo waiting period for something else to happen. I want you to know that all of the fear and the worry that you feel about the future is not something that you should be focused on. It’s distracting you from the magical opportunities coming your way and you need to redirect your attention to something more positive with the mindset of, “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” Let your intuition and faith guide you along your journey to the next stage in your life. I can assure you that more opportunities and more amazing things than you realize are waiting for you on the other side. Keep you head held high, my friend.

CAPRICORN

There’s unfairness in some aspect of your life, and you’re being called to balance out what you feel isn’t right. Let go of things that aren’t serving you- moreover, let go of things where you aren’t serving anyone else, including yourself. You need to start taking new things and new changes into consideration with little regard of a comfort zone. You’ve been recently stuck in your judgements and your old ways of thinking, and it’s time that you break free. No rush, though- your guides are only asking you to gently bring your attention to the unfairness in your life currently, and to take action as you see fit.

AQUARIUS

You’re getting your universal rewards, babyyyyy. As far as internally, you’ve manifested your own happiness in the form of hope, optimism, faith, empowerment, relief, growth, healing, yada yada. Externally you’re recieving job offers and new cars and travel and basically just all that good shit that you’ve been working on manifesting, my friend. This is your reward for being so dedicated and hardworking, especially through sticking with things even when times get tough. Out of all the groups, you guys have an extremely good week, month, year ahead of you. Take care!

PISCES

Okay, so I’m going to start this off by saying that I feel for most if not all of you, this message has something to do with your identity. Specifically for some, gender identity, especially if you’re transitioning to being female. I feel like you’ve had powerful epiphanies about who you are and what you’re to do from having terrible, ten-of-swords type experiences in the past. With the growth that you’re having, you're starting to understand the truth of your situation and changing your perspective on everything that you went through in the past, and I feel like you’re finally starting to feel liberated and powerful enough to take action. There’s such a powerful energy here for you, Pisces, and everything around you is changing. Everything you touch turns to gold. You’re growing wings. I can’t communicate how powerful this growth energy is. I feel that it all sprouted from alone time- taking a night to sit and think of things that you haven’t thought about in a while and address and finally confront the things that you feel threatened by- or, by confronting hidden subconscious feelings that you didn’t even know you had. You’re embracing your femininity, your water side, your intuition and the deeper depths of your body, mind and soul. I’m just hearing, “you know where to go now.”

It’s like you’re in control now of the waves that used to drag you down, and you’re re-crowning yourself as the master of the sea, a title you rightfully deserve.

My point is, you’ve learned so many lessons from this and you’ve been undergoing so many growth-spurts- you get to choose what to do with the power you possess. Choose wisely, Pisces. You can’t make a wrong choice.

Blessings.

#psychic #psychic readings #free #free psychic reading #general #general reading #tarot #tarot reading #free tarot reading #talkingsong #zodiac #zodiac signs #zodiac sign reading #astrolog #astrology #stars #planets #July 25th #2019

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chaoswriting92 · 4 years

Text

Games We shouldn’t play

Chapter Two: Blind Date

You were beginning to wonder where everyone was when you noticed Jaebeom sitting at a table very obviously set for two people by the window overlooking the Han River and the lit up city surrounding it. He was dressed in one of his nicer suits and his hair swept back and styled over the undercut in a way that sharpened his features and made his piercings stand out. He looked handsome and suddenly you were glad you’d taken the time to put on the dress instead of your usual slacks and solid color blouse get up.

“Hey. Why are you sitting here?” You asked an obvious confusion lilting into your voice as you got closer to him. He blinked a moment like he hadn’t recognized you at first but recovered quickly, stood and pulled out your chair for you. You sat down thanking him and smoothing out your skirt from the creases the movement caused.

“No clue. Told her the reservation would be under Jackson’s name and she brought me here.”

“Oh. Well did you try calling Jackson or the others? What about Jinyoung or Youngjae. Jasmine and Sooran were giving me fits about being late so I didn’t have time to make sure we were at the right place. I’m sorry.”

“I tried calling Youngjae and Jinyoung. There wasn’t an answer and I thought maybe there was a mistake about the table, but none of the others are even here.”

“Okay. Well...I’ll text Jackson and figure out what’s going on.”

“They set us up.”

“They what?” Jaebum was looking at you like you’d spoken a foreign language.

“This. The restaurant, the clothes, your hair. It’s a date. I can’t believe this,” you scoffed.

“I can. It’s Jackson,” Jaebeom replied. He was starting to smile and you pointed at him.

“Don’t you dare laugh. This is so n-not funny.” Even as you said it you were beginning to giggle. It wasn’t funny, no, but it was incredibly absurd. Jackson did stuff like this all the time but for the others to agree to this too was just crazy. The two of you were laughing for a good while only sobering when the waitress came over to take your orders. You told her what food you wanted and looked back at Jaebeom who was wiping at his eyes and trying to catch his breath.

“So now what? I mean we obviously can’t let them get away with this.” You mused out loud even though you weren’t necessarily expecting an answer.

“We could pretend that it worked.” JB said.

“What do you mean?” You asked propping up on one elbow and turning your full focus to him.

“I mean. We could pretend to hit it off. Then after a couple weeks start arguing like we hate each other until we have this big break up. It could work. We get revenge on Jackson. I get to hang out with a good friend and go to nice places. You get to show your stupid ex and Hyeji up. Sound’s good from where I’m sitting.”

"That implies that I care about Jin and Hyeji enough to want to show them up, which I don't, besides what would they care about us dating?"

"Well considering she tried to hit on me first and I turned her down flat and it was only after that she started to cozy up to you and Jin…"

"Wait what?!"

"Yeah. You know she was new here. She was looking for friends that could help her out in the industry and I suggested you and Jin. I mean I would have suggested Mark, but he mostly designs men’s clothes and couple outfits, so I suggested you and since Jin and Jimin are our marketing guys I knew she’d have to talk to one of them, but Jimin was on vacation at the time so I suggested she talk to Jin too. Then she asked me if I knew anyone that could help her personally and kind of made it obvious what she meant and I turned her down flat. I guess after that she asked Jin for the same advice and he told her what she wanted to hear. I’m sorry y/n if I’d known that she was going to do that I would never have sent her your way.”

You were spiraling. You knew that. The idea that Hyeji had planned all of this from the beginning. She’d been your friend. The two of you had gone out, shared secrets, you’d even made sure that she got into some of your best designs and into more than one of the runway shows because you’d thought you were doing her a favor by helping her get a foot in the door. Really you’d just done exactly what she’d wanted. Aside from you she now knew the best of everyone in your connections and probably in Seokjin’s too.

“I’m so stupid.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I thought I was helping a friend out and this entire time I gave her everything she needed to double cross me. Hell I might as well have just let her and Jin borrow my bed.” Hot tears rolled down your cheeks, not out of sadness, but out of anger.

“You aren’t stupid. If anyone, it is Seokjin. He gave up on someone like you for someone just like everyone else in this industry. Now stop crying before someone thinks I’m the biggest jerk here and say you’ll go out with me just so we can break up in a couple weeks and teach our friends a lesson.” He wiped at the tear tracks and teased earning a small and slightly exasperated titter of a laugh from you.

“We have got to work on your sales pitch,” you laughed a little harder at the affronted look on his face and more still when he replied.

“It worked. Why should I fix what isn’t broken?”

“Point made, so, what are we going to tell the team on Monday?”

“Why don’t we just get through dinner first? If we get along well enough here without being awkward then we can make it anywhere else. Food.” He said and the two of you shifted so that the waitress could easily put your plates down.

The first few minutes were quiet as you two ate and thought about what you’d just agreed to do. You were also still hanging up on all the lies that Hyeji had told you and possibly told Jin too to get where she was now with him on her arm at all the appropriate events and you behind the curtains once again with your emergency sewing kit and a broken heart that you couldn’t quite seem to get stitched back together.

“Cats or dogs?” He asked.

“Huh? Oh cats. I have a little ocicat that I adopted in a shelter I volunteer at. He was a runt so he was the last of the litter and they’d been separated too soon from their mom so everyone, but me, thought he wasn’t going to make it. I said I would take care of him and here we are,” you told him smiling after you finished the last bite of your food. You sat your fork down moving the plate so the waitress could access it and pulled out your phone to show a picture of you with a kitten who had his paw extended trying to swat at your phone so it was obscuring a third of the photo.

“He’s adorable. What’s his name?”

“Gureum”

“Well I suppose his fur does look like rain clouds.”

“What about you?”

“Cats. I have three. Nora, Kunta and Odd are their names.”

“That explains the scratches.” You muttered not really intending for him to hear it, but since the two of you were in a more intimate setting than usual he did.

“I thought no one noticed.” He twisted his hands in the light where you could see a few white scars and some raised pink areas along with a few red scabbed lines. To anyone else they probably would go unnoticed, but you had similar ones on your own hands you’d just covered them with a bit of concealer.

The night went on until you were sure there wasn’t much left you could learn about JB that you didn’t already know either from what you’d learned as his friend before or what you’d come to learn tonight. It amazed you also that you had never really realized how funny and extroverted he was up until now.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but we will be closing soon.” A busser came up to you for his part really looking apologetic to be breaking your night up. Apparently being one of the only few staff left on shift for the night, your waitress long gone after serving dessert and making sure you didn’t need anything else having told you that Jackson had put the meal on a tab for the two of you.

“Thank you. It’s late anyway. I’m not worried about Gureum, Jasmine would have fed him for me. She lives across the hall, but I am worried about whether she waited up.” you said laughing. If you knew your friend she’d probably done that and invited Sooran over to join in.

“I’ll take you home anyway. The busses stopped running for this district an hour ago and I’d rather know you’re safe than have to guess at it.”

“You just want to go ahead and get our prank started.”

“Or maybe I had fun and want to spend more time with you?” He countered.

You flushed a little feeling your ears get warm and tossed your straw paper at him. He really could be charming and it had felt nice to just have someone to talk to like this.

“I’m going to take the silence as a yes. Don’t forget your coat.” He stood and came around to put it on your shoulders and guide you out of the door over to the valet station to get the car brought around. A slate colored Hyundai Sonata was pulled around, not the newest model but a fairly recent one and you nodded. It suited him. It was a very chic car and you couldn’t help but wonder once again why you’d never bought a car of your own but it hadn’t really mattered considering the proximity that your apartment building was to the transit and bus lines and that you were practically in walking distance of all your favorite places and people aside from that.

“This is where you live? I live in the building three streets over.” He laughed when you directed him to a parking deck and swiped your resident card to get in.

“Isn’t that the building where Jinyoung, Sooran, Mark and Jackson live?” you asked, trying to think of the apartments in that direction.

“Nah, Youngjae, Yugyeom and BamBam live in that one with them. I have been trying to get in there, but for now I still live in the same building as Seokjin, Yoongi and Jimin. Made things a bit awkward since Jimin sided with Jin...” That was right, she'd seen him once on the way to Jin’s place when they’d accidentally gotten off on the wrong floor made enough rukus for JB to poke his head out of his room and Jimin and Yoongi had lived right next door on either side with their orange and mint fluffs of disheveled hair popping out of their doors too. She’d forgotten since she never really had stopped by for anyone, but Jin before. Small world.

“I can’t say I blame him. Jimin and Jin went to college together along with several of our other employees, some of our models, and a few of our accounting reps are in that group. Namjoon, Yoongi, and V were really the only ones who really seemed sorry to hear about it but V hasn’t really liked her since she got here, and Yoongi is down there with you most of the time so he interacts more with me than Jin, even though he is on a different team. In fact most of the models haven’t really gotten along with her since Ceo Yoo had her hired on, and it’s strange since Jungkook likes everyone, just about.” The two of you had talked all the way up to your door and just like you thought before you could get the key turned in the knob it opened.

“Where have you two been?” Jasmine said getting a knowing look on her face eyeballing the dress you’d worn and the suit JB was in. She looked a little like she was trying to inspect you to see if there were any signs things had gone really really well and you rolled your eyes a little. Sooran poked her head out behind Jasmine a little later holding Gureum in her arms who was purring away and squinting his eyes in that happy way of his… traitor. Both yours and Jabeom’s outfits were a little crumpled from how long the two of you had sat at the restaurant and the car ride, but not in any more of a disarray than was socially acceptable.

“I gave you that key so that you could feed my cat not so that you could spy on me. I will take away your best friend privileges. Out. You too, Sooran, out and give me back my cat.” You ordered a smile still playing at your lips. They bowed their heads looking some mocking version of pouty and ashamed as they went over to Jasmine’s door which you noticed remained cracked open even though they’d gone in.

“I thought you were joking when you told me she’d wait up,” Jaebeom had somehow inherited the responsibility of Gureum, but he didn’t seem to mind that fact as he scratched at the cat’s head behind his ears.

“Nope. You can sit him down. He’ll just walk back into the apartment when I do,” you told him.

“So is this your way of telling me you’ll see me Monday?” He asked.

“How about tomorrow instead?”

“Tomorrow’s good. Should I pick you up? Or do you want to meet me down at my building and go from there?”

“I’ll meet you. Ten okay?”

“Sounds good to me.”

#got7 imagine #im jaebeom x reader #got7 #bts

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trans-advice · 4 years

Note

so my brain is definitely a man’s, but i don’t think i want to transition my body to be a man’s. frankly, i don’t care if i’m a man or a woman anymore, i just want the dysphoria to go away. so i was thinking i’d probably go to therapy or something and try to make my male brain match up with my female body that i already have, since it’s cheaper and more feasible for me. is it weird that that makes me feel transphobic, despite being kind of trans myself? thanks

i respect your bodily autonomy, but i want to give you informed consent. that being said, the reason the medical establishment supports making your body match your mind instead has to do with effectiveness. seriously it is just easier to do the hormones, do the procedures etc instead of trying to rework your entire mental processing & sense of self. it’s actually cheaper to just do the hormones, and or develop an affirmative social life/circle.

people who have tried conversion therapy haven’t had good result with it to say the least. on top of that, it tends to be abusive. as in sexually abusive. their methods often won’t even do anything because they aren’t even scientific. also you won’t be dealing with firms that are regulated by medicine basically. so like they can commit fraud not only in saying that they know how to even make your brain match your body, but they can fraudulently count suicide as a Successful outcome.

so i would recommend:

looking into how “no-op” trans men transition.

learn that male/female refers to physiology while man/woman, guy/gal refer to roles & gender. this will probably become very important.

get friends who respect your mind, who respect that you are a guy a man.

pursue gender euphoria because these will affirm what’s important to you & also your mental health

i would suggest looking into like fashion advice & trying to find a style that makes you feel good about yourself.

for more transmasculine fashion, i recommend making some sock packers & wearing sports bras. if you can save up the money chest binders from gc2b might help https://www.gc2b.co/

i would suggest transitioning by changing your name on like those online accounts that don’t require your legal info such as legal name or legal gender marker. https://transequality.org/documents

you will need to do other self care stuff too because dysphoria can be rather draining, and so you’ll need to minimize your stressors as much as possible

if you have one, go to your gynecologist & also look for new gynecologists in case your current one is transphobic. when you search for one, introduce yourself as a transgender patient who hasn’t gotten the paperwork done yet. i say this because HRT is actually classified as birth control, so if you already have a ob-gyn who’s prescribing you birth control medication, then it might be worth discussing your transgender status with them.

look into welfare programs

the reason why i mention these paths for transitioning even though you don’t care about how people designate you is because you might mind later, and i think it’s important for you to know that there are ways to get that shit to change. also as you farther along, you might actually begin to care how people treat you.

as for cost barriers, i recommend looking into welfare. if you live in USA i would start by finding out whether you qualify for your state’s Medicaid & SNAP & LINK programs. also apply for an obamaphone via the Lifeline Program. i am rather hesistant to suggest looking into public housing because the waitlines tend to be very very long & i don’t know how transphobic the program administrators can be. if you do it can help free up some money towards transitioning. granted, all of these programs vary from state to state but it can be helpful if you get accepted onto these programs. also if you have any public transit in your area, look into whether they have any lower-rate programs for those who are either low-income, or else disabled or elderly.

regarding medicaid different states have different policies on whether they will cover transgender medical procedures & HRT. I know the state of Illinois just got its medicaid program to cover basically all the transgender procedures if they are deemed medically necessary by a doctor. also if you have

seriously, my transition had moments like yours. i almost got Dissociative Identity Disorder from trying to do create a manly persona. i didn’t even necessarily have conversion therapy, i merely had to be in the closet so guardedly. a defense mechanism was to make it vague whether i was a gay man, a bisexual man, or some sort of woman or whatever other intersection of queerness i could use to interpret my queerness. you will end up with worse pain than gender dysphoria if you seek conversion therapy.

just transition, it’s so much more successful & easier & cheaper. you don’t need to try medical transition to start it. granted, your mileage might vary. but conversion therapy has been rather consistently been experienced as torture. don’t go that route. your mind deserves more respect than that!

good luck, peace & love,

eve

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raywritesthings · 4 years

Text

It’s a Meta!

My Writing Fandom: Arrow, The Flash Characters: Oliver Queen, Laurel Lance, Barry Allen, Iris West, Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow Pairings: Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen, Barry Allen/Iris West Summary: Oliver and Laurel seek advice from their friends at STAR Labs while preparing for the birth of their first child. Notes: Metahuman Laurel Lance *Can be read on my AO3 or FFN, links are in bio*

Oliver shut off the kettle and poured the hot water into a mug, the tea bag floating to the top as it steeped. “I’m bringing this out now, but just give it a few minutes to cool,” he called out to the sitting room.

“I remember how hot beverages work, Ollie. Haven’t completely lost my mind yet,” Laurel called back. He just caught the end of her rolling her eyes as he walked out with her tea and his coffee. But her smile was still fond.

“Sorry. I worry.” He leaned in to peck her on the lips.

Laurel watched him set both mugs on the coffee table before taking the spot at the end of the couch by her feet. “You always have. Believe me, I knew it was going to go into hyper-drive the minute I said the words ‘I’m pregnant’.” She swung her legs off the couch to lean towards him, slightly hampered by her rounded belly. “And as many times as it frustrates me, I do love that about you.”

“I know.”

“Okay, remember that the next time I yell at you for being a mother hen.”

He scoffed. “I’m not a hen. I’m just… a father.” Every time he got to say those words, he felt a swell of happiness he didn’t know if he could contain.

Oliver reached out, caressing the rounded curve of her stomach that spoke of the life they had created together. Laurel had only just started to really show in the last couple of weeks, and he couldn’t get enough of looking at and feeling their little miracle.

“They should be here soon,” she reminded him.

“Barry’s always late.”

Shrugging, Laurel obliged him by turning around to lean her back against his front as he rested his hands over her stomach. She picked up the mug and blew on the surface, taking a sip. “Ouch.”

“I warned you.”

The little of Laurel’s face he could make out was pouting. He chuckled.

“You gonna kiss it to make it better or what?”

He’d just moved to do so when a breach opened up on the other side of the living room. Through it walked Cisco Ramon.

“Whoops, wasn’t trying to interrupt something.”

“That’s okay, Cisco, we were just waiting for you.” Laurel stood with a little of Oliver’s help. “Where are the others?”

“At the labs. I came ahead because we figured out a way to tweak an ultrasound machine. It should answer your question for sure.”

Oliver raised both eyebrows. “So we’ll know if they have the metagene before they’re even born?”

Cisco nodded. “That’s the idea. Hopefully. I mean, we need you to test it out for sure,” he added to Laurel.

“Okay.” She looked back at him, clearly checking how he felt. As much as he didn’t love the idea of Laurel being a guinea pig for whatever scientific development Team Flash had cooked up this time, it would help them figure out what they needed to prepare, or if they even needed to be preparing at all. So he nodded.

“Great. You can come back through with me.”

They did so, leaving their tea and coffee behind and entering STAR Labs to find Caitlin, Barry and Iris all waiting. Iris walked forward with a big smile.

“Oh, look at you! How’s it been going so far?”

“Well, I can still see my toes most days, so we’ve got a ways to go,” Laurel answered as she returned Iris’ hug. “I don’t know how you managed it with twins.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Oliver accepted his own hug from Barry. “You didn’t both have to come out for this.”

“It’s no problem. Grandpa Joe wanted to babysit anyway,” Barry told him with a grin.

“This, um, machine. It’s safe?” Oliver asked in an undertone.

“Absolutely. Just a normal ultrasound with an added function.”

“Laurel, if you want to get on this table, we can get started,” Caitlin requested.

Soon enough, Caitlin was running the scan while Oliver sat at Laurel’s side, holding her hand and watching the screen and the tiny form slowly growing and gaining shape within the safety of Laurel’s womb.

“Everything seems to be normal. You both didn’t want to know the gender?”

Oliver shook his head while Laurel answered, “Nope. We wanted a nice surprise for a change.”

Caitlin nodded and shut off the machine. “Well, I can confirm the existence of an active metagene.”

Laurel blew out a breath and Oliver squeezed her hand a little tighter. He didn’t know what he’d been hoping for, honestly. Laurel’s Cry had saved her and others from danger many times, so their baby having that kind of protection eased some of his fear. But it would be another difficulty to add to the already challenging job of parenting they were both truly living through for the first time.

“Guess you guys can have a meta reveal party?” Cisco remarked from the other end of the room.

Oliver rolled his eyes. After Caitlin helped Laurel clean the gel off her stomach, the group reconvened around a table in the cortex.

“So, they’re going to be like me? My ability, I mean,” Laurel clarified.

Iris nodded. “Judging by the twins, it’s genetic, yeah. So you two are gonna have no trouble hearing a crying baby.”

Oliver grimaced. “Guess we should take the baby monitor off the registry.” He smirked when Laurel nudged his shoulder with her own. “So what are our options?”

“Well, there’s inhibitors,” Caitlin said. “When the baby is young, that might be the best option.”

Laurel nodded, but he could tell by her troubled frown that she had a concern. He placed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it lightly, waiting for her to find the words she wanted. “What if we want them to still be able to use their powers? Just to explore them, learn about them. I totally get why that’s risky with the twins,” she added with a hand extended towards the West-Allens. “I guess I just worry about making it like this forbidden thing they’re scared of or that they try to get around the restrictions to use on their own.”

“Ooh like a teenage rebellion thing, yeah,” Cisco agreed. “Well, the inhibitor is something we can make removable. It’s not supposed to be permanent.”

“There is still some danger with the Cry, of course,” Caitlin cautioned. “If handled wrong, the baby or child could seriously hurt someone by accident.”

“You’d want to designate a space for sure,” said Barry. He snapped his fingers. “Maybe something made out of the pipeline materials to keep the Cry contained?”

“I’m not locking my kid up in the pipeline, Barry,” Oliver stated flatly.

“Oh. Yeah, no. But maybe we could make something a little smaller for you guys to have in your house? You know, like a little space for them to just let it out. Like when you give a kid a pillow to hit if they’re angry or upset or just need to vent some energy.”

He looked to Laurel, each of them trying to decide how they felt about that idea. It was true that they generally liked the windows and other glassware in their home.

“We’ll think about it,” Oliver answered for them eventually.

“If we did go that route, I’d want it to be big enough to fit me, too,” Laurel added. “We should teach them how to use it by example.”

Oliver nodded. He couldn’t help thinking, not for the first time, that she was going to make a wonderful mother. Of course, seeing how effectively she had taken Thea under her wing at times, that should have already been clear to him.

Cisco had started taking notes down on a pad of paper and nodded along with the suggestion, scratching something out and writing anew. “We’ve still got time, but I’ll want to start looking at the dimensions and everything soon.”

“Should it go in the house?” Caitlin wondered aloud. “I mean, it might be a bit hard to explain if you have guests over who aren’t aware of, you know.” She made a vague motion like pulling an arrow back on a string.

“The base might be better,” Barry said. Though he tilted his head as Oliver frowned. “Why not?”

“I’m not exactly comfortable bringing a child down there.” They still weren’t child-proofed, after all.

“And we haven’t really decided what’s happening with all that,” Laurel continued. Her own hands rested on her stomach. “I mean, I’m benched at least until this one’s here and I’ve gotten back in shape. And it’s just…”

“We don’t have the kind of insurance you do, Barry,” Oliver explained to their friends’ shocked faces. “Getting out quickly, speed-healing. Going out there is a risk every time. I just don’t know if we can take that risk when there’s someone counting on us at home. Even if the city is counting on us, too.”

It was a decision weighing heavily on them as their due date approached. For now, he was continuing to suit up in order to better transition their team in the event he did end up retiring along with Laurel, who still came to the base to run the comms. Both of them leaving the field at the same time would’ve been too sudden of a shift and left a power vacuum besides. But would their leaving for good do so anyway?

“We want our baby to grow up in a better home than was left to us,” Laurel said. “But we also want them to grow up with us there for them. It’s hard to know how best to balance that.”

Caitlin and Iris both nodded in sympathy while Barry looked to be contemplating those two wants himself.

“You guys will figure it out,” said Cisco, and for once the optimism wasn’t something that bothered him. Maybe because he wanted to hear it. “And we’ll all help, you know.”

“This isn’t goodbye,” Oliver assured them. “We’ll still be in the loop, still be there if the situation calls for it.”

Barry seemed the most relieved to hear that. “Yeah, great. Hey, you never know. Baby Canary might want to be like Mom and Dad someday.”

God, he hoped the world still didn’t need heroes like this by the time their child was an adult. But that was probably a vain hope. He felt Laurel lean her head on his shoulder as a comfort, probably knowing just what he was thinking.

“We’ll see.”

“Thank you guys for helping us figure out what we’re doing here,” Laurel told them. “It’s hard to know what we’d do otherwise. What other families might be struggling with.”

“That is a thought. Heroes in our circle can’t be the only metahumans reproducing at this point,” Caitlin remarked, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment. “Maybe that’s something to think about, because it could unintentionally cause a lot of chaos.”

“You wanna run a metahuman daycare, Caitlin?” Cisco teased. She shook her head at him. “We can workshop it some other time. You guys ready to head back?”

“I think so.”

Hugs were exchanged, and soon they were walking back through one of Cisco’s breaches to their own place. It was honestly kind of insane, the abilities the people in his life all had. But he wouldn’t trade his life now for the normalcy he’d had before.

“Do you think the baby will, I don’t know, feel forced to do the kind of work we do? Because of this?” Laurel asked, one hand touching her throat.

“I think we’ll tell them they have the choice to be whatever they want to be, whether that involves their powers or not,” Oliver assured her. She nodded, seeming to feel better. At least until she walked over to their coffee table and picked up her abandoned mug.

“My tea’s cold.” She looked back at him with big eyes.

Oliver heaved a put-upon sigh as he walked over. “I’ll make you another one.”

“Thank you.” Laurel set the mug back down and turned around to face him, slinging her arms loosely around his shoulders. “It’s kind of the least you can do. I am carrying your baby.”

“Yes, you are.” He dipped his head down for a kiss, one that turned a little longer as he slowly swayed them over towards the couch. Laurel carefully lowered herself back down, and he followed, lying with his head resting in her lap and his hand rubbing one of her knees. With his ear pressed to her belly, he tried to listen for any kind of movement, but the baby seemed to be resting for the moment. That was okay, too.

“You’re going to fall asleep,” she told him.

“Maybe.”

“I’m not getting my tea, am I?”

“You will, you will. Just… five more minutes.”

Laurel scratched her nails lightly through his hair, and he hummed contentedly. Whatever decisions they had to make down the road, it would be worth it so long as they could find little moments like this for their family.

#lauriver #lauriverweek2020 #oliver queen #laurel lance #laurel x oliver #arrow #green arrow #black canary #my writing

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pilot-boi · 4 years

Text

Missing In Action: Chapter Four

Maelstrom

For the moments when you’re in so deep, it feels easier to just swim down.

AO3 LINK

Jaune wished he could say that he woke up gently, smoothly transitioning from the land of sleep to the waking world. That wasn’t even close to what happened, but in dark twisted sort of luck, he couldn’t really remember the waking up process. One minute he was unconscious, and the next he was awake.

There was a searing pain on one side of his face as well, but he was sure that was unrelated.

He couldn’t move his arms, or really his anything. That wasn’t really the best first thought to have, but Jaune supposed it could’ve been worse.

How it could be worse...well he’d get back to you on that.

How much time had passed? Was it the next day or-?

Another sharp stinging pain, and Jaune nearly fell out of his chair from the force of it. Jaune winced back from the slap and squinted up into the blindingly bright light hanging over him. Right. Kidnapped. Unknown motives and all that. Focus Jaune.

“Good morning, sunshine,” growled a man’s voice from just out of sight. More than ever Jaune longed for the ability to move, to turn and see who was talking. The man sounded less than pleased to see Jaune awake.

“What did I say about talking to the kid?” A silky smooth voice with the hint of a threat said from the darkness in front of him. Jaune stopped trying to crane his neck around to see the first voice, and snapped it back to focus on where the voice had come from.

The man’s silhouette was big, all broad shoulders and barrel chest, but he was smiling. A wolf’s smile. Or at least, he looked that way from the limited amount of the man’s Jaune could see through the light over head.

“Right, sir. Sorry sir,” the first voice grumbled from behind him. So the big guy was in charge then. That...didn’t help him much admittedly, but it was a mite better than the no information he’d had before. Now if only he could figure out what they wanted.

“Who-Who are-” Jaune got cut off by a rough cough, and changed direction half way through his sentence. “What do you want with me?” He wheezed, squinting through the gloom at the indistinct shape of the guy in charge. Sometimes the best course of action was just to be direct.

“Ah ah ah,” the man chuckled softly, “You don’t ask the questions, kid, I do. And I don’t believe I gave you permission to talk. So let me teach you the rules, kid.” The man’s silhouette nodded to the guy behind Jaune, and suddenly his right arm was caught in a vice grip.

“The rules are simple, easy enough for even you to understand,” the man said, stepping forward into Jaune’s little circle of light. He was big, with features chiseled from stone, and hair buzzed down to the scalp. Like a military officer from an action movie. “Rule one: I ask the questions, not you,” Commando said, and the grip on Jaune’s arm tightened, “Rule two: if you don’t answer, there will be consequences.”

Consequences?! What the hell did that mean?! And gods if that guy could let go of his arm, he’d really appreciate it, because that was starting to really hurt.

“And finally, rule three: I’m like king around here, kind of the head honcho,” Commando continued, the reasonable tone set at odds to the table of “tools” that were revealed when he moved, and the tub of water that Jaune could only hope was for cleaning said tools. “And as a king, I expect respect from my subjects, and that includes you, boy. So talking out of turn…” He waved one hand, searching for the right words. “Such things can’t go unpunished.” Commando settled on, giving the man holding Jaune’s arm the go ahead.

And then he yanked, and Jaune’s shoulder whited out into a pinpoint of agony.

There was pain, and then there was pain. This definitely fell into the second category. Someone was screaming, it might’ve even been him.

“Now let’s try this again,” Commando’s voice swam back into his range of hearing, just as Jaune’s screams petered off. Tears were prickling at the corners of his eyes, but for now he was back. “I am going to ask you a question, and if I don’t like the answer I get...well, you can guess what’ll happen.” Jaune just nodded, not trusting that he’d be able to get away with a verbal response.

“We’ll start easy. What’s your name, kid.” Jaune opened his mouth to respond, any name but his own jumping to his mind, but Commando held up one finger to stop him. “And word of advice, no lies, because I’ll know if you’re lying. And you don’t want to lie to me, kid.”

Jaune’s arm gave a particularly painful throb, and his mouth shut with a snap. He’d know if he was lying? But how? Was it his Semblance, or did this guy already know his name? Or maybe he wouldn’t be able to tell, and it was all a trick. Or maybe it was a double trick to see if Jaune would actually answer with his real name. Or maybe-

Commando’s henchman gave a yank to Jaune’s arm that had him yelping out in pain and bursting out with, “Jaune! Jaune Arc! My name’s Jaune Arc!” Well there went any hope of them maybe not knowing who he was. Nice going, idiot. If the questions got more sensitive, he’d have to try harder than that measly effort to keep the answers from them.

“Now, was that so hard, Jauney?” Commando asked, sounding extremely pleased with himself. Jaune glared up at him, but if anything the man looked even more pleased to see him acting defiant. Acting being the operative word, because Jaune was feeling anything except brave at the moment.

“Let’s try a harder one now, shall we?” the man asked, as if he actually expected a response from Jaune. “Where is Ruby Rose?”

Jaune felt like he’d been slapped again. Whatever question he’d been expecting, that hadn’t been anywhere close to it. Not even in the ballpark of what he’d been expecting. The man who’d dislocated or maybe broken Jaune’s arm was bustling around behind Commando now, pouring more water into the tub and dragging it closer.

“I don’t know,” Jaune said, as firmly as he could with his voice shaking. His eyes flicked down to the tub of water in spite of himself.

“Hm, interesting,” Commando said, sounding disappointed. “Dunk him.”

This wasn’t directed to anyone in particular, but Commando’s taller henchman took it as an order. Jaune was hauled out of his chair and forced onto his knees in front of the tub of ebony black water. “No, no no, no, please-” he was sputtering in sudden panic, but Rando had him by the hair, and then his head was underwater.

It was icy cold. The kind of cold that would steal his breath away if the water weren’t already doing that. Because he’d gone into the water screaming, and inhaled at least one mouthful of water before he could stop himself. Jaune fights to retain what little air he can, but already the freezing water is starting to fill his lungs.

Rando pulled him back out, and Jaune was gulping in breaths of air before he even left the water fully. Coughing desperately to rid his lungs of the hated water and replace it with the air he so desperately needed, Jaune only barely heard Commando say, “I’ll ask again: Where is Ruby Rose?”

“I- I don’t know,” Jaune spluttered, somewhat less confidently than before with his teeth chattering from the cold.

“Dunk him again.”

And he was back underwater. Longer this time. His lungs are screaming with pain from the effort of holding the air in, and before too long he gave in again to the instinctual need to breath. His mouth opened and gulped in the needed air, but water poured into his lungs instead.

There wasn’t any air. He needed air. Why couldn’t they understand? He’s going to die. This was how he died, drowned in a bathtub a million miles away from anyone he cared about.

Rando pulled him out again. Jaune couldn’t hear anything with how the water was clogging his ears. Rando dropped him to the floor and his injured arm was shaking with effort as he retched up as much water as he could. He needed air, he needed air.

Commando was mouthing words, but he sounded muffled and far away. Jaune couldn’t even see him properly, but his mouth stumbled out what he hoped was a crushing reply.

“Again.”

It must have worked, but Jaune had only gotten a single lungful of air before he was hefted up and dunked.

Pulled out.

“Where is Ruby Rose?”

“I don’t know.”

“Again.”

Dunked.

How long this continued, Jaune never found out. Commando started switching to other people occasionally. The rest of team RWBY, Jaune’s own teammates, Qrow, Oscar, and others that Jaune didn’t even know. Or maybe he did know them. After a couple dunks in the Tub, Jaune was starting to black out. He couldn’t even remember half of the answers he gave, but he at least had reassurances that he had never answered, because it never stopped.

They tossed him unceremoniously back into his cell.

At least he knew when he landed, if the pain of landing hard on his dislocated and potentially broken arm was anything to go by.

Not bothering to stifle the ragged scream that clawed its way up his throat, Jaune didn’t even notice that his hands were being rechained to the wall he’d woken up by just a few hours ago. Had it only been hours? It felt like a lifetime ago. The only thing keeping him upright now was the insistent tug at his wrists that the chain was providing. His arm was on fire.

The cell door slammed, but not soon enough to hide the casual, almost pleased, laughter from the two men who’d put him in here. The rusty bang of the door plunged his cell back into pitch darkness, and at least helped to snap Jaune out of his pain-filled daze. Cautiously lifting his head from the wall where it had been resting, and deeming it safe enough to move, Jaune’s shoulder decided to remind him that it was still there and hadn’t gone anywhere in the last ten minutes.

You’d have thought that he would’ve gotten used to sudden harsh stabs of blinding pain.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Jaune decided to get it over with and see if he couldn’t alleviate at least a little of the acute pain in his general shoulder area.

He gathered his legs underneath him so he was sitting on his heels. His muscles creaked in protest as they shifted for the first time in hours, stiff from disuse and from cold. Remembering how this went the last time he tried to stand up, he went more cautiously this time. It wasn’t easy going with no hands to help push him up, but after some maneuvering he managed to get to his feet.

His hands were still held behind him at an awkward angle, he had to keep them in the small of his back, but he was on his feet. The shaking in his knees made it questionable how long that would last, but whatever. After a minute of working at it, he managed to get the frozen cuffs loose from the hook and lowered his hands down behind him.

The tension started to leave his shoulders as he gingerly lowered himself back to the ground. That was so much better than before. Even now Jaune could feel the tell-tale tingling in his fingertips as feeling returned to them. Painful, excruciating feeling, but feeling nonetheless. Craning his head around to look, he saw the cuffs had cut into his wrists and now he was bleeding. Great, more injuries, and these were his fault.

Gingerly rotating his injured shoulder, probing it as well as he could without being able to see the damn thing, Jaune was beyond relieved to realise that it was not broken. Dislocated? Yes. Bruised? Almost definitely.

Could he fix this? He had to at least try. His ribs felt trampled, his lungs were still screaming from the Tub, and his eyes were burning with tears. Jaune had to try to do something useful today.

Fumbling for a moment, he leant back against the wall to give himself any sort of balance. He’d once fallen down the stairs and dislocated all the toes on one of his feet, and if this hurt even half as much, then he was going to need the extra support.

His depleted Aura would do nothing to help with healing this until he popped it back into place. Oooohh, this was going to hurt. Very much. He just had to grit his teeth and do it, there was literally no other way. He was prepared. He was okay.

Before he could back out of it or tense back up, Jaune yanked his shoulder and popped it back into place.

He wasn’t prepared.

It popped back in with a sickening noise that vibrated right down to his very core, and he crumpled to the ground with a gasping scream. Knives had to be going into his shoulder socket, that was the only solution. Nothing else could hurt this badly.

He blinked away his pain-induced tears and took a moment to shakily suck in sharp gasps of breath. There. He did it. All was well in the Jaune Arc world. He’d have to get back to that later, when his shoulder wasn’t still throbbing with pain. And when he wasn’t still trapped in a cell who knows where with no hope of escape.

Shifting as gently and slowly as he could, the knight curled into a ball on the cold stone floor. Jaune had to lock his jaw to keep from screaming profanities as he felt his broken ribs agonizingly rub against each other.

Today had been the worst day of his life, without question. Nothing else even came close. And as he drifted off to sleep, Jaune knew in the depths of his heart that the worst was still to come. They would keep asking questions, and he would gladly die rather than answer them, so there was no way the pain would ever abate.

And with that pleasant thought, Jaune’s exhausted mind and body forced him to fall asleep.

#rwby #mine #my writing #jaune arc #missing in action #chapter 4

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bluemoonpunch · 5 years

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I want to Know how the rest BTS members and Bang PD see Jungkook, i don't know if you have this reading or not i can't find it. thank you [anonymous @ bluemoonpunch(.)com]

First off, the energy that Kook projects out towards the group is the 9 of Cups in reverse, which I was seeing this as not something he consciously projects, or even subconsciously projects, it’s just something that they pick up on. It’s a lack of fulfillment, a cup being filled up halfway, just not being satisfied with the current state on an internal level. If I had to assume, I would say this is a matter of self-actualization, something related to growing up and being his own person and expressing himself as an individual with personal style and perspectives. As we all know, he’s genuinely a very sweet and caring person and he really wants to please everyone, even people who only see him as an object of sexual fantasy and treat everything that he does to change his appearance or speak his mind as if he personally just stabbed their sex doll to death. Tragic.

But yeah, he is projecting this and it is something recognizable to people very close to him, he’s not happy with how things are at the moment, he doesn’t feel complete in certain areas of his life.

Namjoon — 6 of Swords

I thought this was kind of cool because it reflected what I had for them in their relationship reading where I talked about how Kook was transitioning into extroverted Virgo energy for the first time while Namjoon was transitioning into introverted Virgo energy, where he has been before. They are trading places in a sense, but their “places” won’t be there by the time that actually happens.

Basically, Namjoon sees this lack of fulfillment, but he’s seeing it as an experience, or a learning process, something that Kook has to go through in order to learn how to value what he wants and what he thinks over the audience. This is very specific and very evident because Namjoon literally did that himself. He used to be a big ass conformist shit show who just went around playing roles and he fucked up a lot because of it, and he had to LEARN through EXPERIENCES how to honor himself. Kook is doing the same thing right now.

I have a visual for this and I thought it was interesting to point out the differences.

Once upon a time, Namjoon was being given stones and rocks to tape to his face and body, to beef him up, make him look bigger and scarier than he was, playing the tough guy. That was his previous state, covered in stones, looking all sorts of insane to people who weren’t the ones giving him the stones to wear. Kook, right now, as the 9 of Cups, is just trying to fill himself up. He’s just trying to do little things for himself to fill up one cup at a time. Whether that be a new piercing or a new haircut, a new personal project or solo song, whatever it is, it’s just one cup that he’s trying to fill so he can take a drink. Then people come along and say, “you shouldn’t drink that. You’re supposed to be a bird and fly around where I can see you. You’re not a fish at the bottom of the ocean. Dump it out.” And then he does, because his Virgo energy is introverted, his judgment is already towards himself before anyone else, and he’ll listen to anything that seems like criticism and he’ll believe it because he does it to himself all the time.

It’s two different scenarios, but the key that connects them is the influence of the spectators.

It’s kind of low energy of not knowing how to help Kook while also knowing that he can’t and shouldn’t. Going back to the 6 of Swords, it’s like Namjoon is standing on the shore as he watches Kook set out on the boat on treacherous waters. He himself as taken that journey before, he knows the way, and he has advice that he could give, but today is a different day. The path is the same, but who’s to say Kook won’t hit a rainstorm, or that the deepest part of the river is now the shallowest and can’t be navigated the same. It’s a different time and place, and in spite of having a lot of it, Namjoon’s advice here may be completely useless. All he can do is watch Kook make that trip and hopefully make it to the other side without any real issues.

Jin — 3 of Pentacles

I swear, this is all I ever get for them. Jin sees Kook as his apprentice, as a student, and I’ve gotten the same thing for them in two other readings I’ve done for them including their Relationships Reading (coming out in November). It always comes off as very business-oriented, like focusing on money and investments, but there is this sense of responsibility that Jin has towards Kook to teach him SOMETHING and business and money are what he KNOWS for SURE.

So, I don’t want to get to into this one because I feel like I’ll just relay everything I have for their Relationship Reading, but there are some posts somewhere that has stuff like this around business and money between them.

Yoongi — The High Priestess with The Lovers (rev.)

This has to do with the fulfillment thing and I thought that this was really interesting because this is basically saying that Yoongi recognizes a deep sense of empathy in Kook, something that connects him to other people, however, with the reversed Lovers, he can’t see Kook having a solid connection with himself or a sense of purpose that is clearly defined by him without the validation of others. He’s just constantly in a state of receptivity like The High Priestess, but nothing is contained as it would be within The Lovers if it was upright.

I assume, similar to Namjoon, that Yoongi sees Kook through the lenses of these higher aspects with The High Priestess and The Lovers because he has gone through a similar state before as well.

Hoseok — Wheel of Fortune (rev.)

This made me laugh because as soon as I put the reversed Wheel of Fortune down I heard, “why’s he just sitting there?” and it was in reference to the man in the 9 of Cups. Like, he’s upside down and all of his cups are spilling, so why is he not getting up and trying to fix it?

Then I started laughing again because with the way I have these cards laid out, Hoseok’s card is next to Yoongi’s set — Mr. Pisces Man is next to Mr. Aquarius Man. So, there’s this funny offset to their perspectives where Yoongi is seeing the current state as this big huge thing and is seeing the transference out of it as very small, a mindset of, “you’re where you are until you aren’t.” And then, Hoseok has the exact opposite where he’s seeing the transference out of it, the Wheel of Fortune, as this BIG OBVIOUS THING that Kook just isn’t utilizing and he can’t see why. Or he can, but it just doesn’t make sense to him why it’s such a big issue… Mr. Aquarius Man with his funny shoes and fanny packs doesn’t understand why Kook cares so much about what people think of him… imagine that.

It really is this thing of Hoseok pulling some Air Sign shenanigans and seeing all of the cups spill, seeing the turmoil that it’s causing, but having a perspective so far beyond that moment that he can’t understand why someone would choose to just sit there and take it. It’s like there’s a little Hoseok standing on the Wheel of Fortune waving his hands around yelling at Kook who’s sitting on the floor surrounding by all of these spilled cups in the reversed 9 of Cups, and he’s like, “heyyyy!!! If you just stand up and start picking those cups up, you’ll turn upright and then we can get this wheel turning!!” and Kook is all down like “ :( “ and Hoseok, the frustrated Aquarius, is like, “I get that it’s sad, but fucking MOVE!”

So, it’s funny but also kind of sad, because in a similar vein to everyone else, he wants to help, wants Kook to get up and get his cups all filled and be happy, but he doesn’t know how to do it.

Jimin — Knight of Cups with the Page of Wands

As always, the Page of Wands has to come out at some point for Kook, right? And not surprisingly at all, it’s with Jimin. There’s a definite duality here which mirrors the balance and connection they have on multiple levels. As I’ve explained about a thousand times, the Page of Wands is Kook in a more dependent state where he relies on guidance and encouragement from the others, seeking validation. I don’t remember which reading it was, but one of the earlier ones it was shown that this connection is through Jimin primarily. It’s a child following a mother, that’s how they connect etherically through their imprinting, with Kook being a “product of Venus” as it was said, or a child of Venus and Jimin being a Libra, the love side of Venus. There’s a comfort and nurturing there, so Jimin is seeing Kook as his child, or just a child in general, but this is referencing reliance and dependency, so… Kook’s his baby here, lol.

BUT!!!

Then there’s the Knight of Cups, which I always mess up and call the Prince of Cups because I think of “Prince Charming” and “Knight in Shining Armor” and somehow it gets mushed in my head visually and audibly, so… the Prince of Cups. Someone more mature, more independent, and someone that Jimin can be reliant on. My attention was brought to the Knight’s cup, which he holds out proudly in front of him, and I was shown this being “a cup he won’t spill.” As in, his care and affection for Jimin, in spite of what people say or think of them, no matter how their relationship is perceived, negatively or positively, Kook will NOT dump the water out of that cup. Jimin sees this, appreciates this, and trusts this.

There’s a trade there. Kook takes care of Jimin when he needs it, and Jimin takes care of Kook when he needs it. Jimin needs more care in the realm of Water, the emotions, so it’s fitting that the Knight of Cups is here, and Kook needs care in the realm of Fire, his projection and soul.

Taehyung — The Emperor

This is more superficial, almost like he’s choosing to see Kook as The Emperor. It’s stemmed in Kook’s pride, in not wanting to seem weak or small, or childish. He wouldn’t want anyone to actually see him as the reversed 9 of Cups, and I’m sure Taehyung, the master of disguises, understands that and he projects this image on to Kook.

Actually, something just came to mind of how Taehyung always talks about how strong Kook is physically, or at least I have like ten time in my head where he brought up Kook’s physical strength or goes on about his talents. It’s kind of like that. He’s projecting that STRONG MAN image and pointing it out to people so that they focus on that because he knows that that is what Kook would want. He wouldn’t ask for it or project it himself, but he likes to be seen as a MAN rather than a small helpless child and Taehyung tries to give him that. I imagine there’s a bit of comradery there as the two youngest members in that sense. This is actually really similar to what Kook does for Jimin and what Jimin does for Taehyung, so they have like a little ring of projected egos going on for each other, lol.

More Mini-Readings | Celebrity/Idol Readings

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rohad93 · 5 years

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Bellow Diamond Week 2019: A work in Progress: Day 4 - Family

You can read all previous day on Ao3 under the title ‘A work in Progress’

It all started with a call from Steven. As so many things on Homeworld often did these days.

It was an unusually slow day for her so she gave him her full attention and let him spend over an hour telling her all about the "carnival" he and his friends had attended the day before.

"I wish you and Blue could have been there. Even if you couldn't have gone on any of the rides…" He chuckled.

“I’m sure Blue would have enjoyed spending the time with you.” She agreed. Upon seeing the slight downturn of his face she was immediately reminded of Pink and amended her statement. “As would I.” His grin returned and he continued on.

She listened intently even if she didn’t always have anything to add. Her face remained impassive but internally she was pleased that he was happy to speak to her. That he had chosen to call her and not White or Blue.

He often went to White to ask about the history of the empire, understandable, his questions were sometimes things only White, the oldest of them all could know the answers too.

When and where White had emerged in the universe, even Yellow, the second oldest of the three, did not know. So it was understandable that he would go to White in his pursuit of knowledge.

From Blue he often asked for stories of Pink, things his ‘crystal gems’ didn’t know. They shared calm company together and Steven often played his small instrument for her, much to the azure gem’s delight.

From herself he sought advice, or simply to talk. When he was bothered he could just talk and the gold gem would let him, not usually speaking herself unless necessary but he seemed to like that someone was listening. So she did. The way she hadn’t for Pink.

“We’ll have to do something together soon when you guys aren’t busy. Get the whole family together.” She gave a noncommittal nod before he hung up, the diamond line blinking out of existence.

It was only a little while after their call had ended that she began to think on the subject.

'Family'

She knew what the word meant, relatively speaking. It was the way organics clustered themselves together by shared genetics passed down through reproducion.

The sentiment baffled her. Steven knew well that as gems they were not connected by biology or genetics as they did not possess any. With himself being the sole exception as a gem/human hybrid, his relation was solely to Pink though.

Yet he insisted that she and Blue and White were his family. She was missing something, and as it was slow and Blue was off planet overseeing the peaceful transition of one of her colonies Yellow decided to delve into the topic.

She, or any of the diamonds really had very little knowledge on organics outside conquering them. If they were to live in relative peace with the organics of the universe it would serve her well to know more than the very basics.

Steven had showed them how to access Earth’s ‘internet’ as he called it. Once she was connected she began her research in earnest.

Cycles went by as she read page after page of literature about human families and dynamics. Slowly everything began to take shape in Yellow’s mind.

How Steven related to Pink. More importantly, how they related to Pink.

The word ‘daughter’ and ‘child’ popped up often in her search. After awhile the word while still foriegn, seemed to fit.

Apparently the ‘internet’ also provided video feeds and she spent the entirety of one rotation watching a host of videos that pertained to what she was searching for until her eyes grew tired.

She believed she finally understood.

Pink had been so much younger and smaller than she and Blue. She had emerged knowing that she was a diamond, but not what that meant. It had been she and Blue’s responsibility to teach her, to take care of her, make sure she succeeded.

They had loved her.

But they had failed her.

Blue had been indifferent and apathetic to Pink’s feelings for organics and Yellow too impatient and temperamental, and they all had feared White and her distant, unreachable standards.

The realizations only reinforced what the three of them had learned over a year prior. That it was their fault. Pink was gone and they had no one to blame but themselves.

Yellow leaned back in her throne and sighed.

'Mother' was another word that popped up often and finally explained what Steven meant when he said Pink was his 'mom'.

Among the meanings of the word she found the words ‘raise a child with care and affection.’

She immediately thought of Blue, who had taken the young blush colored diamond along to her colonies, let her command her gems. She coddled and doted on Pink in the time before she had begun to ask for a colony of her own. Before she began to act out in court, before she released organics from one of Blue’s colonies in the ballroom and they chased their pearls up and down the halls.

Before White had the tower built...

That’s when it had all started, hadn’t it?

She’d begged and pestered them for over three-hundred years to have a colony of her own. In that time she filled her days by hounding them and being sent to the tower months at a time.

Finally she had tearfully begged Yellow, insisted that she could do it and be useful to Homeworld. Yellow had finally relented.

She and Blue scoured the star maps of systems far enough away to make the youngest diamond feel independent, while still putting her close enough to Homeworld that they could come to her with relative ease.

Earth had seemed to fit the bill. It was a resource rich planet with no organic life so dangerous that even a pearl couldn’t handle it, if they hadn’t been gifting it to Pink one of them would have taken it for certain.

Within a mere fifty years Pink was begging to be rid of it. Much to the ire of both older gems.

After all the begging she had done for so long she had nothing but excuses for why she wanted to be rid of it. She and Blue quickly grew tired of it. They thought perhaps if they buckled down and made her finish what she started she would see reason.

How wrong they had been.

She pursed her lips, clasping her hands together on her knees, eyes squinting shut. They had ignored her and downplayed her importance both to the authority and to them. They drove her away.

Now they had to live with the consequences of those actions. A universe without Pink Diamond. For a brief period they thought they had finally gotten her back. They hadn’t.

After White had removed his gem and they had seen the flash of the silhouette that was Pink become and stay Steven they had all known she was gone. Her light was now a part of him.

With a hum Yellow began to type again. Looking for Steven's relationship to them. He had once offhandedly said that they were like his grandmothers but at their confused expressions had said nothing more.

Now armed with a little more knowledge she had a better idea of what he meant.

Pink was his family, and though they had done a bad job at showing it, Pink was their family.

Their love for Pink was now for all they had left to remember her by; Steven.

He made it easy. In many ways he was much like her. His smile, his easy enthusiasm. They could all see Pink in him.

Yet, in many ways he was completely different. Where Pink had been selfish and naive, he always put himself last and showed a wisdom that surprised her.

Before they even realized it they cared about him not because Pink had, but because he was Steven.

Yellow sunk back into her chair and thought about it all for several long rotations.

~ She was still in her chair, though working again, when Blue returned home.

She knew who it was without looking when her control room doors opened without warning. No one else dared walk into her control room unannounced besides her pearl, who was already at her side.

"Hello, darling." Blue greeted with a bright smile as she walked up to Yellow who stood both to greet her love and for a much needed stretch.

Blue wasted no time wrapping her arms tightly around Yellow's sharp, angular frame. She found it so hard to be away from the stern gem in these recent times. She found herself missing her dearly whenever one of them had to go offworld for more than a few rotations.

"How were things on your colony?" Yellow asked, letting one hand rest on the soft curve of Blue's hip and the other threaded through her long hair, spilling like water between her fingers.

"Fine, the injectors were removed and more dams are being constructed." Blue said, nuzzling her face into the crook of Yellow's neck, her sunlight skin darkening at the action.

"How have things been here?" She breathed against yellows neck, seemingly content to stay where she was as they carried on their conversation. Burnt gold darkened to near orange at the words breathed onto her skin.

After so long of bearing her unrequited feelings, sometimes being loved by Blue was like drowning, in the best possible way.

"Well enough. Plans are progressing adequately. Steven called a few rotations ago."

At that Blue pulled back to look into Yellow's eyes.

"How is he doing? Well I hope."

"He's fine." She nodded. "He wants us to visit when we have the time."

"Oh, that would be such fun." Blue smiled brightly at her counterpart. "Do you think we have the time?" She asked, tangling her gingers in the short hair at the back of Yellow’s neck.

"We should make the time." Yellow insisted. The look on Blues face spoke of her pleasant surprise.

"There's something I need to talk to you about." She said. Blue blinked back at her, her wide cerulean eyes curious as she pulled back to better give Yellow her attention.

Yellow leaned against her chair as she explained everything she had learned and been thinking about. Blue’s face slowly morphed from confusion to surprise before settling on sad understanding as tears welled up in her eyes.

Yellow wiped them away before they could fall. If anyone had shed enough tears to last a hundred lifetimes it was Blue.

“We did everything wrong…” Blue Diamond said softly and sorrowfully, clutching Yellow’s gloved hand between hers. She hummed her silent agreement. “We can never fix it…” She sniffed, soft voice lilting sorrowfully as she held Yellow’s warm hand to her face as tears began to drip down her cheeks.

Gently Yellow pulled her hand away and lifted Blues downcast face to meet her eyes.

“No, we can never fix things with Pink…” She agreed. “...but we can try to do right by her… son.” She struggled with the foreign word and it made Blues lips pull up in a teary smile.

“Yes. I think we can.” Blue agreed.

“Blue, Yellow!” Steven came running out of his house on the beach with a wide smile. As the two hand ships settled onto the sand outside. From the house the crystal gems watched the intergalactic rulers disembark.

“Hello, Steven.” Blue smiled brightly as she picked him up in her palm. He gave her thumb a squeeze.

“What are you guys doing here?” He looked between the two rulers curiously.

“You wanted to spend time with us did you not?” Yellow questioned with a quirk of her brow.

“Of course! I wish I could show you around town, everything is just too small though...” He hummed in thought as he looked out over the town and beach from his perch on Blue’s palm. The two diamonds looked at each other, Blue with a small smile and silent question. Yellow just crossed her arms and sighed, giving a curt nod.

“Hmm… Whoa!” Steven wobbled a little as Blue gently lowered him to the ground. He stepped off her palm and watched in delight as their gems glowed and their forms shrank.

They now stood several feet taller than Opal would have, but even at this still large size the two diamonds were much more manageable now.

He stopped himself from chuckling, their gems now took up almost their entire chests and they looked a little ridiculous but Steven figured they already knew that. They were doing this for him.

“Come on, I'll show you my favorite places.” He grinned and ran along the beach with the two diamonds following along behind him.

Steven led the two all through the town, even introducing them to some of his friends as they went, including his dad.

Blue remembered him and even apologized for taking him to the zoo. Yellow just glowered at him. He sweated under her gaze. She’s done more than enough research to know what a ‘dad’ was. Blue looked at her curiously but she just turned away. She didn’t think she wanted to explain it to Blue. If Steven noticed he didn’t say anything.

At the doughnut shop he better explained his need to eat and drink and though the two wouldn’t try anything they sat with him as he ate, despite the obvious discomfort the act of eating made them.

He took them every place he could think of, overjoyed to have them there. Wanting to learn, to see.

Eventually the three ended up at the fountain of Rose Quartz. Although the diamonds had been there before it had seemed to Steven the perfect place to end their day.

The three sat on the fountains rim, Steven settled between them, smiling and kicking his feet gently in the water. The statue of Rose Quartz, of Pink, a silent spectre, watching over the three.

Yellow stared at it long and unblinking till she felt fingers wrap around her own. She looked to see Blue smiling at her in that sad, knowing way as she squeezed her fingers. Silently Yellow squeezed back.

“So what made you guys come? I know you must be busy back on Homeworld.” He looked up at them.

“We decided, we need to start making time for the things that matter.” Blue smiled down at him.

“Like… family?” He asked hopefully.

“Like family.” Blue agreed. Yellow just smiled in agreement.

“I’m really glad you guys came to hang out with me today.” He smiled up at them.

“So are we.”

#Bellow diamond #bellowdiamondweek #Blue Diamond/Yellow Diamond #bd/yd #fic #steven universe #a work in progress

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