#but I mean. I need there to be more to farming than just what every sim offers.

[the-froschamethyst4]

The Hunted becomes the Hunter

𖤐Pairing: Vampire Hunter! Alex x Vampire! Reader

𖤐Pronouns: She/Her

𖤐Warnings: smut, angst, language, mention of blood, fighting, gore, and self-harming, reader has power of illusions, female masturbation, blowjob, P in V, manhandling, groping, nipple play, aggressive behavior, kind of toxic,

𖤐Summary: Alex was called in to help stop a Vampire from killing off people livestock, he sets up traps and everything to try and catch the beast, but he stumbles upon an abandoned castle and finds himself stuck with a vampire

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“How many dead?”

“My whole livestock, Alex. I came out ready to feed them and I notice blood thinking maybe one of them probably got stuck in the barb wire but when I came around they’re all dead in the barn.” Farmer Dan shows Alex all of his livestock stacked on top of each other dead, blood drained from all of them.

“What the hell?”

“It’s getting worse Alex, Joni down the road lost all her hens and roosters, Mark a few houses down from her lost all his cows, you need to catch whatever this thing is.”

“It can’t be working alone, there has to be more. But I’ll see what I can do, do you anyone who might still have their livestock? That’ll probably be its next target.”

“Umm~ Jacob up the road, you might have passed him, he’s still got everything, go check with him.”

Alex loaded back into his truck and heads back down the road to see Farmer Jacob. Farmer's for the passed month have been losing their livestock left and right, and it's been getting worse, normally they would have lost 2 or 3 animals, but now it's a whole herd of animals.

To the people they thought Alex was a trapper they didn't question his methods or anything, he has caught a few beasts in his past but Alex is a Vampire hunter, it runs in his family, and after seeing the drained animals in Dan's barn. he knew he had a vampire on his hands.

The question is, how the hell is he going to trap possibly more than one vampire?

"Alex?"

"Jacob, I just came from Dan's farm, have you lost any animals last night?"

"Nope, none, I just came out to feed them and they all seem fine, why, what's going on?"

"Dan has lost all of his livestock, I have suspicions your farm might be next. Could I set up a trap here?"

"Sure, anything to stop whatever it is killing livestock."

"Thanks."

Alex has spent all day working on the trap making sure it was good and also making sure it was animal proof, he didn't want animals getting tangled up in his trap.

"There."

"And this will work?" Jacob asks.

"Hopefully."

"And if it doesn't?"

"You have every right to sue me or kill me," Alex says.

Alex hops back into his truck and notices the large woods behind Jacob's farm.

"Hey, Jacob, could I set up kind of a base in your woods?"

"Sure, by all means," he says as Alex followed a dirt path into the woods. He stops at the edge of the woods, getting out and finding a place he could pitch a tent and stay out there for the night, cause if he's right and it is a Vampire, he'll probably get to it first before the trap does.

----------

Night rolls around Alex sits by the campfire, gun at his side and he's been on edge since the sun went down and the moon came out. His mind was wondering when this vampire might show up.

"I need to take a leak," he says, placing his gun down and heading a bit deeper into the woods away from his camp. He finds a big oak and unzips his pants.

As he was mid stream he could hear the sounds of cracking branches, and leaves being crunched. He finishes up and looks around before making it straight to his camp.

He must have taken a wrong turn or something, because his camp wasn't out of his sight but when he turned his back, he couldn't see his camp and when he looks up into the sky, he couldn't see the smoke from his fire.

"Where in the hell am I?" He questions, he quickly placed his hand on his holster, empty. "Fuck," he left it at his camp. He placed his hand on the other side feeling a wooden steak, he pulls it out.

"I hope you know wooden steaks don't kill me? That's just some myth," he hears a voice say from the trees, he looks around but couldn't see anything.

"You're a coward, hiding in the trees so you won't face me."

"I'm not a coward hunter, but I would just like to let you know...you are now the hunted," as the voice was gone a murder of crows all launched themselves at Alex, he blocks his face and once the crowds were gone, he sees his campfire.

"An illusion?"

"ALEX!!"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" Alex curses as he runs out of the woods getting into his truck and heading to the farm. "Dammit, it fucking tricked me."

"All dead! YOUR TRAP DIDN'T WORK!!"

"I...I don't know what the hell happened? I was in the woods and then it was like an illusion or something?"

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"We're dealing with a vampire here."

"A vampire?" Jacob laughs at Alex. "No one...no one had dealt with vampires since the bubonic plague, they would be dead and oh they don't exist anymore?"

"They do exist, I promise they do."

"I'm hearing a bunch of bullshit, please get off my property-"

"Let me do one more thing."

"What?"

--------

Alex was at the woods again, whatever it was, he must have been close to it's domain. Alex had his gun on him and used a flashlight to guide his way to where he was.

"Come on, where was it?"

Alex looks for the tree which he soon did, touching it and looking around it, maybe he set off a trap of it's own which let it know who was near it's domain, but he couldn't find any wires or anything.

He walks a little farther into the woods, he looks around and didn't notice a sudden drop. Alex falls down rolling a few times before landing on his back on flat land.

"Motherfucker," Alex cusses holding his lower back and sitting up. "Fucking hell," he says as he slowly but surly gets up.

He clicks his flashlight, it wasn't working, he says a few more curses before stuffing his flashlight into his bag and walked blindly. He didn't know this part of the woods, it all looked the same to him. Where was this beast?

Alex bushed some bushes from his face and saw a big, tall castle, it looked abandoned or so he thought, he sees a few lights on in the castle.

"What the fuck is this?" He walks to the castle, the main door was cracked. He pushes it with making as little sound as possible. The lights in the main room flickered on and off, and he could hear humming for a room.

He tip-toes to the room, fire was lit in the fireplace, a chair sits in the room, he walks in drawing out his gun ready to fire at whatever it was in the chair.

"I figured you would find me sooner or later, hunter," a voice says from the chair and a loud caw from a crow. The crow swoops at Alex and lands on the chair facing him giving him one more caw.

"Face me."

"And if I don't?"

"Then I hope you like led between your eyes."

"Hmm~ what a threat, I've dealt with you humans long enough to know..." the figure stood up. "You will hesitate," the figure turns and faces Alex. She was gorgeous, piecing eyes, fangs on full display as her tongue grazed them.

"I will never hesitate when it comes to killing your kind."

"Wow, harsh," she sounded sarcastic but didn't care. "Then go on...do it...you have a clear shot, I'm not fighting back."

Alex points his gun in her face, he was hesitating, why the fuck was he hesitating.

"What a shame, my turn," she gives him a wicked smile and lunges at him, pushing him to the ground getting on top of him and her hands go around his neck as his try to go around hers.

"I haven't had human blood in ages, I usually stick to animals, they're getting boring, human blood is sweet, savory, and fucking delicious," Alex was starting to lose his breath, he tries to find his gun but it was out of his reach, so he digs around for his steak and soon got a hold of it, he brings it up and stabs her in the side.

She gets off of him, bleeding out, hot tears filled her eyes as she tries to pull it out of her side. Alex quickly stood up grabbing his gun and pointing it at her.

"Do it, hunter...FUCKING DO IT!!" She yells, the gun goes off but the bullet landed next to her into the wood flooring. "Who's the coward now?"

Alex doesn't say anything but glares at her, he may live by a life of code, but...something about her...intrigued him really. He bends down seeing the blood leak from her and immediately her wound was healed.

"I'm gonna go on a lime and say...you were turned...you weren't born like this..."

"Why the fuck does that matter?" She says.

"Because ones that were turned are still human inside...you only drink animal blood is because you actually hate human blood, all that bullshit you spat out was to make me afraid of you...but I'm not, I've dealt with vampires all my life to know who was born one and who was turned to one..."

"So what? You feel bad for me now?"

"I didn't say that-"

"But your actions say otherwise, you missed on purpose, you hesitated because you knew, so what? Just fucking kill me already. I've been waiting for the day someone did."

"You cause illusions because you want to be feared, but you fear yourself."

"Bullshit-"

"Is it?" Alex stood up and put his hand out for her to take. She swats it away.

"I don't need your help."

"That's fine, but when another hunter comes along, they won't be as nice to you," he says, walking out of the room.

"Wait," Alex smirks when she called for him. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm bored, I guess. I live by a code, you are a vampire, I'm suppose to kill you, but there's something in you...that makes me feel bad for you."

"Great, a hunter taking pity on me, how nice," sarcasm again.

"So what if I am?" She stays quiet.

The vampire sat on the chair the crow swooping at Alex again.

"You live here alone?"

"And the skeletons in the basement..."

"Right," Alex walks to the fireplace and looks at the vampire, she looks at Alex. "could I help you?"

"With what?"

"You seem...lonely," he says.

"Because I am, my only friends are crows..."

----------

The vampire walks up the stairs Alex behind her, he was amazed by the castle, even though it was abandoned and lights could barely work, she's kept it pretty maintained.

"Tell me...when did you get turned?"

"When I was 14...I was a stupid little kid, played in the woods and didn't understand don't follow strangers, and I did. It was around 200 years ago, though."

"So how old are you?"

"214 years old...I think, I've lost count a few times, I could older, I don't know," she says as she pushes a door open. "I sleep here," it was like a normal bedroom.

No coffins, or anywhere she could hang upside down.

"I know what're thinking."

"Huh? You don't know-"

"You thought I slept in a coffin or hung upside down."

"Damn...maybe I was."

"Funny," she says, shutting the door. "You should be lucky I allowed you to stay."

"And you should be lucky I didn't stick a bullet between your eyes...I never caught your name?"

"It's Y/n...do you really think people won't know you're gone?"

"People don't know where I live, they call me when something is wrong, so no one will even notice," he says.

"This room hasn't been used in years, so make use of it."

"I'll try, Miss Vamp."

"Don't call me that."

-----------

Hours, weeks, months have gone by, Alex is still here at the castle with Y/n. She does everything in her power to avoid Alex, but sometimes she isn't lucky. It was already worse enough she's letting a vampire hunter stay with her.

Alex was outside chopping wood as Y/n looked at him through her bedroom window. She plops on the cushion looking at the shirtless Alex. Her thighs squeezed together like they had a mind of their own.

She started to feel wet, her fingers slide down her chest to be in between her thighs, she was being risky touching herself by the window where Alex could easily see her, all he had to do was look up and it was all over, but he didn't he was focused on the wood and piling them up.

Her breaths were shaky, as her fingers teased her wet folds, she moans as she keeps watching Alex. She hates the fact she's doing this, but he was...something else, a vampire hunter living with a vampire like it was nothing.

Like Alex wasn't ever told the vampires are dangerous and they all must be killed with no hesitation, he disappointed his ancestors, but they're dead, Alex doesn't care, it's time to start a new era.

She then gets off from the cushion and plops on her bed, her legs trembling like she was teasing herself and trying to hold back from touching herself. But she couldn't help it, she needed to do it.

She removes her shirt and pushes her skirt off her lower half, the cold air just touching her now. She sits up on her elbows and moves her fingers back between her folds, pushing them inside of her, moving them slowly at first. She moans and thinks about Alex and how her fingers were his, but they weren't the same.

She was getting frustrated with herself, moving them a faster now, but it was feeling the same.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Hey, I got the fire wood chopped," Alex says from the other side of the door, she groans and gets up from her bed.

She opens the door but used the door to also shield her bare body from him.

"Good, now leave me alone," she says.

"Hey," he puts his hand on the door. "The hell is wrong with you? You allow me to stay with you, but you avoid me, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit, tell me."

"N-No," her fingers were back between her folds as he was talking to her, she was just trying to hide her moans now. "F-Fine, I'm fine," she says.

Alex takes a deep breath and pushes the door open now, he watches Y/n fall to her knees, completely bare before his eyes, he swallows a lump in his throat.

"W-What?" She stutters. "Never seen someone touch themselves before," she asks looking at him through her sweaty hair.

"I-I have."

"I'm just frustrated, I can't reach it."

"Want help?"

"Now," she demands, Alex walks to her, picking her up like nothing and setting her on her bed, he started to unbuckle his pants, Y/n helping him, once he pushes his pants down she could see his soft dick through his boxers. She looks up at him and starts kissing him through his boxers.

"Hey now."

"You're soft..." she says.

"I know that, I can get it hard myself," he chuckles, but she doesn't listen. He takes a hold of her hair and makes a makeshift ponytail using an old ponytail holder he found.

After a few more seconds, Alex's dick was standing and impatient Y/n pulled his boxers down, his dick sprung out making her kiss his tip, he moans throwing his head back.

"Fucking hell."

"Am I doing okay? It's been so long since I've done something like this."

"You're doing just fine," he says, placing his hand under her chin. "Keep going," he says.

Her hands wrap around his dick, deep throating him a few times, his tip hitting the back of her throat. She hums around his dick, the vibration from her throat made him want to cum faster.

She moves her mouth and opened her month pumping him a few times as cum leaks from his tip and squirt a few times landing on her face, she smirks and licks the rest from his tip.

She moves to be on the bed, she lays on her stomach and lifts her ass up in the air slightly shaking her ass, he smirks, and lines himself at her entrance and pushes himself inside of her.

"AHH~!" Y/n moans, Alex looks down at her, his hands on her waist, he starts moving a bit quicker, his tip just barely hitting her spot, she moans when he did it. She couldn't reach it herself, so now when he does it, she feels amazing.

"Fuck," she moans again, tossing her head back, Alex leans down, hand under her chin and he starts kissing her temple and kissed her lips.

"God, you feel so good," he moans when feeling her gummy walls clench around his cock.

"A-Alex," she moans out his name, sitting up and wants to kiss his lips again, he smirks leaning down and kissed her lips. His hands then move to her chest gently squeezing her and pinching at her sensitive nipples.

He then sits back up, hands on her hips and he then pulls her wrists behind her back, she sits up and Alex takes her legs pushing them to her chest. He was starting to just become a bit rough with her. She moans when his tip was just hitting her, just right.

She throws her head back, cupping his chin and getting him to kiss her some more. He sits on his knees using everything he has from falling face first. Alex kisses Y/n's neck as he feels her starting to clench around him, they both gave a few more moans before Y/n ended up coming first.

Alex smirks as he keeps going, he hasn't cum yet, he starts to become rough with her, pinning her back on her stomach, pounding even harder and faster into her.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! A-Alex!"

"What? I haven't come yet," he growls near her ear and bites her earlobe, she moans when she feels cum shoot up inside of her. She collapsed on the bed and Alex fell next to her.

---------

Y/n was in her bed, silk sheets covering her bare body, she stayed asleep as Alex was up next to her, his back against the headboard of the bed. His finger moved some hair from her face. He moves under the covers with her, placing his hand on her waist and kissing her forehead.

He was always taught to kill the enemy and the enemy was vampires, but now he just had sex and is sleeping with the vampire. He didn't care, it was like a switch went off in him when seeing Y/n look so peaceful when sleeping.

"Alex?"

"Sorry, if I woke you."

"It's okay...could just hold me," she asks.

"Sure, little vamp."

"No, not that nickname," she says, pushing off him.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding, sure, I'll hold you darling."

"Better."

[t1oui]

hi everybody i'm having some thoughts right now and i need to share them. mentions of walburga black's a+ parenting in this fic idea so do be aware of that

what if regulus's parents send him to "conversion camp" after he comes out as trans but the conversion camp actually turns out to be a safe house for queer kids run by effie and monty that's masking as a conversion camp so homophobic parents send their kids there.

so reg arrives dressed up in a nice dress and with walburga aggressively using she/her pronouns and his deadname and the second she leaves effie is like "well that sucked, why don't we get you some more comfortable clothes and you can tell me your actual name?" and regulus is like oh. oh this is the best thing that's ever happened to me and my parents are idiots

i'm envisioning that the place is a farm and so the only rules for kids at the safe house are 1. be nice to each other and 2. find something to spend your time on every day that's not just a device (it doesn't have to be farm related) (this is a muggle au if you couldn't tell)

and ofc because it's effie and monty's place james is there and he likes helping out on the farm. reg takes one look at him and is like yeah ik i was gay but this man confirms it

☆

that's all i have rn as far as plot and story (i mean james and reg fall in love obviously but other than that idk) so here's intros to the cast of characters and their roles in the story !! (this is my favorite part):

james potter (18) - he/him pansexual (+ maybe ace) - son of effie and monty - helps out on the farm

regulus black (17) - he/him gay & transmasc - sent there after coming out as trans (or just after walburga finds out bc let's be real he probably knew not to tell her) - currently trying to figure out his hobby

sirius black (18) - he/him gay - knew james in school, came here after fight w/ parents when he was 16 - makes art

remus lupin (19) - he/they bisexual & transmasc - father disowned him and his mother, with the best of intentions, sent him to the farm when he was 16 in hopes that his father would reconsider cutting him off - works in the garden/greenhouses, helps with the bees

barty crouch jr (17) - he/him bisexual demiromantic + hypersexual - sent there at 15 by his father after some scandal with another politician's son - makes pottery, some of which he sells at the farmer's market every saturday

emmeline vance (19) - she/her queer - sent at 17 by her parents after they caught her with a girl - works in the orchard & cooks

marlene mckinnon (18) - she/her lesbian - lives down the road and comes by to help james

lily evans (18) - she/her lesbian - sent at 15 by her sister after her parents died and petunia got custody of her - makes her own clothes and sells them at the market

mary macdonald (18) - she/her bisexual - adopted by the potters at 13 after her parents died in a car accident - looks after the goats and llamas & helps with the horses

pandora rosier (18) - she/her pansexual transfem - sent at 17 after her parents found out she was trans - works w the horses

evan rosier (18) - he/they biromantic asexual & bigender - sent at 17 after their parents caught them wearing "girl clothes" - writes + draws, helps rem with the bees

dorcas meadowes (17) - she/her lesbian - sent at 17 (a few months before reg) after her parents caught her watching... adult content of two women - makes & sells bouquets, effie helps her <3

peter pettigrew (18) - he/him aromantic (NOT ace) - marlene's next door neighbor, has had sex with barty multiple times and these two fuck in the WEIRDEST spots (poor james keeps catching them :')) - helps emmeline in the orchard

severus snape (17) - he/him bisexual transmasc - sent by his father at 14 after starting to present as a boy - cooks, helps lily with her clothes making sometimes, writes sad boy poetry (/half joking)

narcissa, alice, and xeno will also be in the story i'm just not sure exactly where they fit in... xeno's another neighbor and narcissa's a former safehouse resident who's now living w alice but that's all i know rn

☆

now as for SHIPS...

so i know there will be jegulus of course, and since sirius is totally going to pine for gardener/beekeeper remus wolfstar too. i want rosekiller, but because of barty and peter's dynamic, i'm thinking romantic rosekiller w/ sexual party and queerplatonic... peter x evan (idk their ship name 😭)

as for the GIRLS... omg i have so many thoughts guys AAAAA

first of all i cant decide between pandalily and dorlily for lily and i don't want a triad (i don't ship panda x dorcas) and i don't want both so that's... rough

and then there's also marylene.... BUT DORLENE-

i wanna put sev with someone (ik he's not a girl but i'm having thoughts for him rn)... maybe he smooches w emmeline?? but i feel like she'd make fun of him 💀 (in a joking way but yk)

or maybe emmeline could go with mary panda with lily dorcas with marlene... and... sev with xeno?? guys am i a genius

so yeah other than jegulus, wolfstar, and partyvan idk what to do. live laugh love multishipping am i right

[takamoris]

Why don’t game devs just make more farming sims that don’t suck? Are they stupid?

[gremlingottoosilly]

Horsin' around (Centaurus!Konig x fem!Reader)

Konig is exiled from his people. You are exiled from yours. Together, you make about 6 legs and a perfect pair. Tags and CW: Size kink (duh), Centaurus!Konig(horse cocks), Konig is awkward, slight dub-con, power imbalance, belly bulge, praise kink, monster fucking. Thanks @kneelingshadowsalome for the prompt! AO3| Word count: 3016

Centaurus are not wild animals. You keep repeating it to yourself as you come deeper and deeper into the forest. You keep mumbling it to yourself as you feel the eyes watching you. judging you. Centaurus are not wild animals even if sometimes they behave like one. Not like you’re any different, any better – you’re a human, invading the sacred forests. You’re a human who is dumb enough to go foraging into the depths of their territory. Centaurus are not wild animals, but you don’t feel that repeating the same sentence over and over makes it sound any more convincing. You feel the danger in the air – with each step you take, with each fallen tree you’re stepping over. With every attempt to simply run ending up not working, you know you got lost. Long abandoned the basket you came with – you don’t recognize a single berry that grows here, not a mushroom or even some edible plant pieces to be found. This place is devoid of animals, of flowers – like something just snatched it all away. Ate it all, maybe. You don’t want to think what kind of creature could cause a migration like this. You don’t need to think though. Because the creature finds you first. 

You yelp in a mix of surprise and horror when the arrow flies right in front of you, the skill of the archer is high enough to make the arrow cut down a few bits of hair in front of your eyes. If you were a mere millimeter closer, you’d be dead. If he wanted you dead, you’d be dead. This much is obvious. You freeze in place, not daring to move an inch when you hear it. Loud, not even bothering to conceal the sound of it – the creature was confident enough that the prey wouldn’t run. Not the creature, you correct yourself immediately. Centaurs are not animals, they are closer to humans than a lot of other monster types – with their strength and warrior culture, you’d say that they are even more humans than citizens of the village who forced you out. 

The centaur doesn’t even bother to hide himself from you, concealing the sounds of heavy hooves on the ground or evading the branches that crunched against his body. This is exactly what made you surprised when you understood that instead of a rough, but mostly handsome face that most centaurus tend to have, you’re met with a black hood which only spared two holes for the icy-blue eyes staring back at you. 

Is he a grim reaper? An executioner for other centaurus? Would that mean you don’t have to worry unless your lower part resembles a horse? 

You take a quick look at your bottom half. Not a horse. 

Centaur reapers the gesture, looking at his bottom half too. Definitely a horse. 

You decide to speak first, hoping to find words that would work just fine to be your last. 

— I am really sorry for intru…

— This is not the sacrifice season yet. 

Ah, well. 

The people from your village believe the centaurs to be sacred – despite them being monsters they knew a lot about, they were still given sacrifices. Food, some farm animals, especially fatty pieces of meat, and fancy jewels along with some weapons. Centaurus kept the worst predators at bay, herding the wolves to be their pets and sometimes driving deer and rabbits away to the village. They kept you protected from werewolves and orcs – with a meager payment of never touching the sacred grounds. 

You just stepped into the deepest, most protected part of the forest. You wonder if you would deserve a peaceful death. 

— It’s not. I…I made a mistake. 

No, you wanted to be here. When the village decided to drive you out, you thought that foraging in the part of the forest, untouched by humans, would be the most profitable thing. Centaurus won’t take berries anyway, right? But they might just take your life. 

— A mistake? 

He tilts his hooded head to the side. It’s such a boyish expression, that you almost let go of a nervous giggle. Perhaps, you were going crazy…but the centaur seemed a bit nervous. As seasoned as he looked – with battle scars covering his body and a bit of silver mixed with his ginger fur on the horse part – he seemed almost awkward standing here. Tapping one of his hooved legs like a nervous child. Squeezing the bow in his hands with vigor that made you scared he will just snap it in half. 

— I just wanted to take some food. 

— Is there a hunger? 

— No. 

— Humans aren’t allowed in these parts. Why would you go if not out of despair? 

You gulp. 

— I…am not allowed back. 

— Why? 

Because you’re a forest witch who will doom them all, according to the village of a horse people worshippers. Because you’re a monster in disguise who keeps straling babies, according to the village that uses the best pieces of food to feed the horse people who can take of themselves just fine, instead of feeding it to the orphaned children. Because you’re a whore who refuses to accept the new type of sacrifices – the virgins of the village as a breeding material for the Centaurus, according to the village filled with people who would gladly push a poor virgin out in the forest once she turned of age, so she could be mauled by horse people. 

— We had…mutual disagreement. 

You stare at the mighty body of the centaur. You fight the urge to get your hands down his torso, play with its short hairs, and…you were always a bit of a horse girl. Wondering if he is strong enough to lift you up and get you somewhere safe, somewhere far far away from here. 

Centaur has this weird, almost boyish tone. Deep and yet, sounds just a bit deranged. Unhinged. Like he is going to maul you any second – and judging by the bow and arrow still in his hands, he might not be wrong. You lick your lips. He stares at them – or at least you think he is. Hood only reveals his eyes and you can already get lost in them. Cold, like the northern sea, Like the snow outside. You thought all mythical creatures were supposed to be warm-blooded. 

— You’re exiled then. 

He isn’t asking. Centaurus are omnipotent and wise, they should know about human affairs more than humans themselves. You made them into sort of gods – you shouldn’t be surprised that this guy knows way more than he should. Somehow, you still feel safer around him than other humans – and maybe, it’s more of a you problem. Maybe, you ended up eating some of the weird berries and it’s just your hallucinations before you die. 

— I am. 

He takes a step back. He is big – all of them are, you suppose, but, somehow, he is bigger than he should be. Giant, muscular torso on top of an already muscular and big horse part – he can pick you up, throw you, and break you with one finger, probably. No, definitely. You don’t want to give him a reason to, so you just stay in place. Hoping he wouldn’t deem your trespassing as a matter worthy of a torturous death. 

— My name is König, human. Repeat, ja? 

The name feels weird on your tongue. Rude, sharp. You don’t want to call him wrong and receive his wrath, so you try your best to repeat this. 

— Ko-nig. Ja? 

You tilt your head to the side, a curious little bird. Centaur – König, König, König – squints his eyes like he is smiling. You made the god smile. The horse god. The horseman. Just…man. If you don’t look down, where you already see something giant and heavy standing between his horse legs, you could forget that he isn’t a man at all. 

Suddenly, you feel light. Suddenly, you feel your legs dangling in the air as you were picked up and bumped into the broad chest. Suddenly, you feel hands everywhere. On your ass, under it, touching your chest, your stomach, trying to get to the best position so you would stop moving constantly and trying to get out. You don’t want to fight him because you’re already in the air and falling right now could result in a broken neck – but you don’t want to be suspended in the air either. You whimper, pathetic sound escaping your lips as you feel calloused hands pressing on your mound. Traveling down your stomach and touching, squeezing, petting your delicate parts. 

You spend so much time without a gentle hand or a soft touch, you can feel yourself dripping on the fingers of a centaur. Embarrassing, yes – but you know that if he were to proceed, you wouldn’t really resist. 

And oh, he proceeds. 

— They finally send us proper sacrifices. 

He mumbles it into your hair, taking in your smell. You’re nice for a human – not scared of him too much, not trying to ran away or fight. Humans are usually just annoying insects under his hooves, but König can feel your face growing on him. Your body, too. Too weird for other Centaurus, never being able to find a proper mate who could take his lack of social awareness, he found himself mounting a human. His tribe would call him pathetic. His tribe would laugh. 

Then again, he is the first to get such a delicate little gift. Who is laughing now? 

You aren’t crying in his hands, and he is a bit surprised. You smell like a proper mate, like a good bitch in heat just for him – yet, you’re not falling on your knees to present your dripping cunt. You’re just trying to whimper to ask him to be gentler, and he is happy to oblige. Calm enough to listen to you. Ripping your pants apart because this is such a useless piece of clothing – concealing your rich smell from him. 

König doesn’t waste any time when he dips his finger across your swollen folds. Playing with the slick running down his wrist, smiling as you are closing your eyes and pressing your head in his chest. He is strong enough to keep you suspended in the air without a care in the world. Weak human, he would have to spend so much time preparing you for him – taking his cock would be a task no sacrifice ever competed before. 

König stares at your dripping pussy that is already clenching around nothing just because his fingers are pressing on the hood of your little clit, and he knows you’d be the perfect wife for him. Taking him properly as his mate, moaning as his cum fills you up. he can’t wait – knows that he should, preparing you properly. His hooves are beating the ground in impatience as his fingers slide in and out of your pussy. You spread your legs, moaning louder. Such a filthy whore for him. 

— Relax, human. Be a good mate. 

— This isn’t what I wa…

— Quiet. Such a good…good girl, Schatz. Will bring me strong children. 

— We can’t have sex. It’s im…impossible.

You whimper, trying to squeeze your legs, to shut his hand. You only moan louder, knowing that you would accept everything he gives you, and ask for more. 

You don’t want to imagine his cock entering you over and over, forcing its way past your walls and making you round and soft with his children. It’s a foreign concept – centaurus shouldn’t mate with humans, it should be physically impossible. Yet, you almost want to try. A breeding mare, made for one and only. 

König gets you on…something. It isn’t exactly a natural thing – a pile of stones and trees, perfect height for you to lay your back on, with some soft leaves and animal skins to rest comfortably. His hands support you on the perfect height and you immediately know what he construction is. A mating stand. Probably for other centaurus – but you feel almost fine laying on it too. Almost normal. Your muscles sting as you try to rest your legs and then spread them wide enough for König to stay between them. He is a big guy, after all. He turns you around, on your tummy. Ass in the air, you don’t like not seeing him. The heavy musk fills your nostrils, making you suddenly aware of what is about to happen – you’re wet, spread enough on his fingers, calloused fingertips scrubbing your gummy walls from the inside. He is fingering you with ease, but it doesn’t feel like a man with experience – he is touching and probing like he doesn’t know what he is doing and, honestly, you kinda like it. He is exploring your body with his and you moan, not caring that you sound like a whore. Humans have already abandoned you as part of society – you might as well just take it. — I will prepare you. 

— It won’t fit… — It will, Schatzen. You’ll get used to it. — What if I break? 

— I will be careful. Trust me, ja?

Even his fingers are a bit much when he enters your body with a third digit. One, two, three – you are about to burst when he is massaging your G-spot, when he is smiling in your hair and gets you so aroused just on it alone. You’re about to cum when he slowly extracts his fingers, deeming your sloppy cunt as explored enough. Your walls are clenching around nothing, a beautiful display of desire – maybe, it was the right call that humanity abandoned you. König looks at the perfect centraius whore on display and he can’t wait to claim you. To make you his. 

He is exiled from other centaurus. 

You are exiled from humans. 

What a beautiful fucking pair. 

He enters your body slowly deliberately. Regrets it immediately – you are wonderful. Too perfect to be this slow, being soft with you is torture. Your walls accept him with a stretch, like a warm glove around his cock. Slowly shifting, softening, straddling his cock with each inch he buries in the depth of your warm, weeping cunt. He can’t touch you, as unfortunate as this is – dumb horse body is making it impossible, even looking at you is hard enough on his neck. He wants to mount you properly, but you’re simply too fucking small. Wants to touch your hair, to whisper some encouragement that human women would probably love to hear – but he can only breath heavily and enter you, one painful centimeter after the other. 

— T…too much, too much, please, I can’t, it’s… You whimper, you cry, it breaks his damned heart because you don’t deserve this. You need to be treated with care, with softness and yet, he can’t give you that. He wants so much to just put you in his arms and hug you, but that would be impossible. König will give you all the coddling in the world after you’re done. After he is sure that you received all the possible breeding and seed he could gave you. 

— Quiet, human. It would be nice soon. 

— It’s not…

— Touch yourself, please, bitte. I can’t…can’t touch you. But you will feel better. 

Your hand goes between your legs, playing with yourself. Spreading your folds around his cock even more, fingers sliding past your clit. Touching the little button and hoping it would be enough to make you aroused – and it is. Your cunt is a mess of your own juices mixed with König’s pre cum, and you already know that you won’t be walking the next couple days. 

König bottoms with a deep sigh, and you feel him in your stomach. Bulging with his giant cockhead, making the outline of his cock visible – you touch it with shock, not understanding how your organs are even in place. 

He starts moving and you finally feel it – the burning pleasure setting fire in the pit of your stomach. the excess liquid pouring from your damp cunt, moans spreading from your lips. You never felt this way with a human before – then again, no human cock would ever be able to compete with König. He can reach the parts of your body that you never knew existed, and the mix of pheromones and musk is making you dizzy. Light-headed. You don’t even need to touch yourself more to feel the height of your orgasm, building in as rapidly as König’s thrusts. 

In, forcing its way to hit your cervix gently, massaging the sore spots of your tight pussy. 

Out, grazing over your inner walls, touching all the buttons. 

In again, filling you up with his pre-cum. Moaning loud enough for the whole forest to hear. 

Out, dragging you back with him, as you’re still impaled on his cock. 

— S…so perfect for me. Scheisse, so pretty… He can’t touch you and it breaks his heart. König goes to praise you instead – words feel awkward on his tongue, but he knows you need to heart it. He wants you to hear it, wants you to fee wanted, entitled. Soft. He smiles when you whimper and moan, milking him for his orgasm. Your cunt is made for him and he wants to spend every waking moment buried inside of it. Gods, you are a perfect sacrifice. 

He is coming embarrassingly fast, pumping his giant cock even deeper into your pussy. Filling you up with hot cum that can’t even stay inside of your cunt. Leaking everywhere, you two are making a mess – you breath heavily, not understanding what is right and wrong anymore. Only knowing, remembering the shape of his cock. Pushing in and out, forcing its way in. God, you feel full. And ridiculous. And so, so perfect with his cock slowly starting to pump you again. And again. Konig came embarrassingly fast, but only because this is just the first orgasm in a row. Forcing its way inside, you are overstimulated already – but you will take him, of course, obviously. You have to.

König is going to enjoy breeding a new clan out of you. 

[tarjapearce]

PLEASE MORE RANCHERO MIGUEL

👀👀 of course.

Inspired by farevalee9s on insta fanart of Cowboy Miguel 🤭

----

The first time Miguel arrived to your family's farm, you were borderline intimidated by his sheer size. You had seen tall people before, but never someone like him.

Your father was in dire need of someone that would take care of his horses and do some maintenance around the farm. Agustín, a horse that seemed a lost cause, was the one that concerned your dad the most. He was a bit aggressive with the other horses, Joaquín Y Luis. He was kept in a different location. The farm was a mess.

Not tolerating a bit ounce of further embarrassment, your mother looked up for people, even put you to post adds through, but none of them actually met the requirements, until a friend of your dad brought him.

-------

"Buenos días, señorita" (Morning, ma'am)

He'd always greet you with a tip of his hat. Unlike your parents, a bit stuck up people, devoted believers and servers of faith, and always speaking the necessary, you were kind to him. Polite and respectful.

You'd bring him cold fresh lemonade after he was done with his training session with Agustín. The sun would hide your embarrassment, since you couldn't help but give subtle glances at his naked torso.

He'd always train the horse, without much on him. Pants, belt, boots and hat. He'd always accept the lemonade with a small smirk and a grateful heart.

"You made it?" You nodded and smiled sheepishly.

"Best thing I've ever tasted." He'd mumble while staring intensely at you.

-----

"Could you teach me how to ride?"

His eyebrows would rise in surprise

"H-Horses, I mean." He'd chuckle and nodded.

"Lo que quieras, guapa ." (Anything for you, gorgeous.)

Sure, you wanted to ride horses, what would the point of having them would be if you couldn't ride them? But in truth, You just wanted to be closer to him. Something that earned you a bit more than you had actually bargained for.

He'd take you by your waist and help you get on Luis, like you weighed nothing. His skin irradiating with heat, calloused hands held you firmly, you could feel his thumb taking a taste of your soft skin. His tongue wetted his lips upon his eyes trailing your form.

Sun blazing on your skin, rosy cheeks, a sweet look that could disarm anyone, gorgeous body. You were such a sweet little thing. Just like the cherries you'd eat in the porch. He stared at your lips, as you dexterously peeled the cherry from it's flesh with your tongue.

He needed to have you.

-------

Of course your mother had seen the not too subtle looks you gave eachother.

He'd always greet you with a knowing smile, and you'd be a flustered mess after. Sometimes your head would hurt by the many times your mother would swat your head with whatever she was choosing to read. Your dad was busy with Church.

Oh, the church.

He didn't seem like a strong believer, neither did you, but respected the business enough to be almost every Sunday in church. Just to see you all dolled up and pretty.

-----

You'd kiss eachother breathless in the barn behind some stacked up hay. You just tasted as sweet as he had imagined. Your first kiss.

You had to be on your tip toes to wrap your arms around him and pulling him down to deepen the kiss as his hands finally were able to touch you and savour you

-----

Your mother was growing suspicious of your sudden absentminded behavior, so she had settled you up a date, and made sure for him to know. Even had the nerve to ask him to have the horses ready.

You had apologized to him, but he seemed unbothered by everything. It kinda bummed you to see him a bit indifferent to the situation. But once you left, he'd glare holes at your mother's window.

"No te dejes montar de nadie, ok? " (Don't let anyone to ride you)

Agustín would just flare and pat the ground. As if understanding him.

------

Every date your mother had arranged to you, ended up in the same scenario. Your dates on the floor, being chased by Agustín or the other horses.

"I don't know what that wicked man has done to the horses. None wants to come here anymore if he isn't around!"

To your mother's mortify, you were turning older enough to start your own family. But you didn't want none of that. No. At least you'd have some time away before she started to getting you on the dating scene again, to get you a husband.

They had a sudden trip to see other properties out of town. You were left alone with Miguel, He'd throw you over his shoulder like nothing, after kissing the daylights out of you and took you inside his place in the barn. Your cherry was popped that night.

-----

Ever since then, every time your parents left, you'd be holed up in your room with him, kissing, making love and talking.

You had corrupted him somehow, always wanting to touch and be near around you, and always wanting to put a baby inside.

"Funny you think I'd let you marry some other guy. Tú eres mía, y eso no se discute." (You're mine, and that's not up to discussion.)

[yanderemommabean]

Silly Royal Yandere Idea-

Imagine being a worker for a royal family, you're a farmer who brings the goods to the kitchen every day and make sure all vegetables and fruits are fresh, not bruised, cleaned and ready to be prepared for their meals.

You usually make the trek alone, no big deal right? Just some heavy baskets and such but the job itself isn't really that bad. It's made even better actually when the young prince finds he fancies the way you work and how you farm, loves to walk with you on your way out of the kingdom and listen to you and your stories.

He's cute, you'll give him that. Curious and finally able to explore without much of an issue now that he's finished his training, his father boasting proudly today even that they shall share a feast in celebration.

The walks are nice, you aren't alone and are even safer as the highwaymen shrink away and know to stay back when they see such fierce eyes. Those calloused hands from fighting and training lay on your hips, pulling you closer to his side as you share yet another walk to your farm and get the baskets ready for another delivery.

These sweet meetings grow in size as time goes on. He's been given permission by the king and queen to bring you to the main rooms of the castle, though they aren't too happy that he disregards their rules about what you can and can't touch.

He's so puppy-like, grabbing your hand and pulling you everywhere he can, showing his favorite art, his instruments he's been playing while he waits for you to return, the things he requested be made to remind him of you, and some other odd but - at the time- well meaning items.

The prince however gets more and more demanding of your presence. So much so, that one morning you wake up to begin to water the crops and fetch some in your buckets but you opened the door to the man standing there, royal suit and all, a wide smile on his face as he greets you.

You insist you'll be at the castle soon, that you have work to be done, but he just pushes you forward as he walks with you, -not harsh, but definitely firm, making sure you couldn't turn away from him as he leads you.

"Just one day can't hurt right?" he says, "I just wish to spend the day with you, only you. It's why I took my own horse! He loves your carrots, you know? Only yours...He's very much like me in that regard". 

You decide that, on one hand, denying the prince anything could be dire, the royal family having all say in what is done and you're lucky they have been so benevolent. Risking your business because you didn't want to indulge the odd prince...It isn't worth the reward of just keeping up with the crops and farm work. 

But this one day out by the river and having the man buy you whatever you laid your eyes on, while sweet and very enjoyable, wasn’t enough. He shows up every morning now, you hear how exhausted his parents are when you reach the castle every time, they demand he act right, that he stop leaving without notifying any of the guards, but he just laughs it off and says “Why should they embark with me on my and my lovers adventures? Private matters are private father, remember?” 

They know what's going on but it's so much darker and more twisted than anyone could have imagined. Boundaries get pushed more and more, you keep trying to keep your farm alive for not just the royal family, but yourself and the others who need you too, but the prince insists that your time is to be spent with him, only him. 

It reaches its boiling point when you deny him a walk. No runs to the river, no waltz in the woods, not even a chat over tea. Your farm is sick, it needs tending, and you yourself are weary and exhausted from trying to balance it all out. 

He goes silent, hands clenching at his side for a moment before he just smiles, wide and friendly as usual, and he kisses your hand before apologizing. You assure him you aren’t exactly mad, you just have things to finish, and he at least seems to understand that. 

Or, so you thought. You crack open your eyes after waking up in a bed that wasn’t yours, hearing the horses outside neigh and chuff in terror as if something was very very wrong. You recognize the royal emblem on the wall, and you shoot straight up, knowing this was a carriage. You shove and knock on the doors, the smell of smoke filling your senses as you can only imagine the worst, but the heavy wood doesn’t budge and you can only make out garbled words as a man screams demands. 

You manage to break open the boarded window of the carriage and watch as your farm is engulfed in flames, horses neighing in terror, ashes falling all around, your cabin falling in on itself from the blaze. And you gaze upon what you can only assume is the incarnation of death and war itself, a sign of the end times, as the Prince rides up on his own horse and tosses a lantern, the blaze only erupting hotter as he cackles in triumph. 

You feel horrified tears well up in your eyes, so many emotions coming together at once. Everything you worked for, everything you had built from the ground up, all your memories and all of your belongings- gone. 

Ash and embers fill the sky as the knights who came begin marching back to the carriage, staffs in hand as they finally open the doors. You lunge, wanting to tear your teeth into the heart of that evil, sick, twisted man, but he just laughs. It’s a soft amused laugh like when you told him your stories in the market or on your many many walks. 

“Ah, I hadn’t expected that mixture to wear off so soon!” he boasts, stepping down from his own horse. His stride is slow, like he’s taking in the view of a beautiful field or admiring someones art. You want to spit at him, claw at him, break him in any way you could fathom. 

His feet stop, the crumbling building behind him still a blazing orange and red, opposite of the cold features the prince wore on his face. His hand comes to gently cup your cheek, his thumb stroking across where tears are falling down your heated cheek. “Why so upset? I took care of what was keeping you away from me! I know, I know, you’re sad, but I made sure nothing of importance was hurt! Which wasn’t much. A picture or two should still be safe-” he says with an expression of after thought. “ Anyway, dearest, I fixed the issue! And you can now come where you’re meant to be! “ “I’ll kill you-” “Ah, even when murderous and livid you strike my heart with your beauty. Do tell me every wicked way you wish to end me! It thrills me, makes my skin crawl so pleasantly imagining you touching me in any manner” he taunts, squeezing your face a bit tighter. “Be it anger and resentment or true love, I’ll relish any touch you bring to me” “My lord, the sun will rise soon” a deep voice says from the side, your own eyes too stunned to look, uncaring as everything else sets in. Your home is gone, your fields are ruined, your possessions all roasted and incinerated. Nothing left but the haunting image of burned rubble and some charred remains of any item you owned. 

You’re trapped. Imprisoned in a golden cage as this wild man declares that he and you are meant to be, whether you want it or not. 

“Get some rest darling. I’ll lead us back to the castle” He says with a kiss to your forehead, allowing the knights to force you back inside. “Don’t be so angered! I promise to treat you like royalty! Since you will be, once the marriage is announced and all”

(Hope you liked this! Feel free to comment and tell me your thoughts! Especially spicy ones :3c -Mommabean)

[lalunalando]

FMRN - LN4

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

warnings: 18+! minors dni! smut, teasing, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap), dom!lando, dj lando

songs referenced: FMRN - lilyisthatyou | Eat Your Man (feat. Nelly Furtardo) - Dom Dolla

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

As the bass from the clubs speakers pulsed through your chest, and your seventh vodka orange tipped towards your lips, this is the first night you’d had out with your friends in a long time and you felt amazing.

Jimmyz was a popular club at the best of times, but tonight was extra full with no more admission due to celebrations for the Monaco Grand Prix that had been held earlier that day, and the drivers after party being held in the venue being DJed by none other than Martin Garrix.

Luckily for you, being a Monaco resident now as well as hometown bestfriend to the ever-so-smiley VCARB driver Daniel Ricciardo, your name was front page of the list for admission to the celebrations, as well as a +3 for your friends so you didn’t feel so alone when Danny would eventually get swept away.

What you failed to notice as you danced with your friends, head thrown back in laughter as one of them tried their best provocative moves on you because that’s just the way you all were to each other, was a certain curly haired brit by the bar watching your every move as he chatted to your best mate.

“Lando are you even listening mate? I just told you the funniest story about how I scared the shit out of max in the bathroom and you didn’t even flinch!” Daniel chuckled as he nudged the shoulder of his former teammate, trying to regain his attention.

“Sorry mate I was zoned out, what were you saying?” He responds, trying to focus on the conversation but failing as his eyes keep straying back to your spot on the dancefloor.

“Oh I was just saying I saw a purple cat with blue stripes talking to a crowd of toddlers out the back of the Ferrari garage” Danny said with a grin, waiting to see if he would take the bait.

And he did.

Lando fake laughed like he had been listening and responded with a quick “oh yeah? And then what did max do?”

Daniel couldn’t help himself, booming laugh heard even over the clubs sound system as he catches his friend out.

“Lando you freak, why don’t you stop staring at her and actually go talk to her? It’s better than standing here being a creep while you don’t listen to me anyway” Daniel nudged him

“Wh-who? I was listening to your story? I don’t know what you mean?” Lando stutters out as a blush creeps on him, silently thanking the darkness cloaking the club so no one could see hopefully.

“No you haven’t, you’ve been staring at Bunny since she walked in and I could almost feel your glare through me when I was with her” Daniel chuckled again, nodding his head towards his friend who was still totally unaware on the dance floor.

“Bunny? Is her name really bunny?” The younger driver asks in awe.

“Oh no, but I’ve called her that and only that since we were little, it feels wrong to call her anything else”

”Since you were kids?” Lando pushes for more information. How long has Daniel known the angel dancing in the middle of the club with not a care in the world, totally unaware how she was making him feel.

Were they dating? Has Daniel been lucky enough to touch her? To taste her? Lando wasn’t sure he could handle the answer but he needed to know more.

“Yeah her family moved into the farm next door when we were kids, and even though she’s a few years younger we became best friends. She wasn’t afraid to get on a dirt bike and get a little messy and I liked that about her.” Daniel reflects fondly, the girl being 7 years his junior becoming a sister to him almost instantly back then. Him being her protector ever since.

“So did you ever date? I see how close you are any time she’s around the paddock.” Lando pushes further

“OH GOD NO, I get she’s a pretty girl but that’s my annoying little sister, I could never think of her that way. Plus I’ve been sneaking around with her friend Julie, didn’t want the media to know or to make her uncomfortable about it.” Danny says smiling as he tips his usual cowboy hat towards her friend that had just looked over towards us at the same time, hand in hand with bunny as she twirls her around to the song playing.

“So is she..” Lando starts, feeling a little embarrassed to even ask.

“Single? Yes. Look I’ll even help you out, I’ve been looking for a way to sneak Julie away anyway” And with that, Danny was pushing Lando by the shoulders towards the group of girls.

Unfortunately time was not on Lando’s side, becauses moments before the two could even reach the girls, you were being lifted off the ground by none other than the youngest Leclerc of the pack, Arthur.

As Lando got closer, he couldn’t help but instantly feel jealous of him as he caught bits and pieces of the conversation you were currently engrossed in.

“Did you see me up in the DJ booth!?”

”Yes tutur you were amazing!”

”Did you see I played some Dom Dolla for you? To remind you of home?”

”I loved it, you looked so good up there and you know how much I love a good dance to some Dom!”

Giggling to each other like no one else was in the room, Lando was starting to see red.

Before he could do anything stupid, Daniel noticed and his reflexes kicked in to help his young friend out.

“You know bunny, Lando is going up with Martin in a few minutes, you should join him and check it out!”

“Oh I’m sure Lando doesn’t want me bothering him up there, he has an entire club to amaze with his skills” You respond, smiling at him sweetly.

You couldn’t deny, Lando was one of the most beautiful men you had ever laid eyes on. Being former teammates with Daniel meant you got to watch him back in the garage, preparing for sessions intently, mesmerizing you with how much he cared about his team as well as his sheer determination and passion for the sport.

And post-race sweaty glow Lando? That was a whole different type of god for you to worship.

But you knew he never spared a glance towards you, you were just “Daniel’s annoying little adopted sister” after all.

“No it’s totally fine, I’d love to show you what it's like up there!” Lando couldn’t get the words out fast enough

Holding your hand tightly as to not “lose you in the crowd” or so he said, Lando took you up towards the booth where an eager Martin was waving you both down.

“Bunny! I haven’t seen you since Danny’s birthday in Texas! How’ve you been?” He asks while engulfing you in a hug, ever so familiar with you.

“I’ve been great, Danny’s plants here in Monaco no so much though…” you said with a giggle, confirming the joke he’d made back in Texas about you moving into Daniel’s Monaco residence to “look after it and his plants for him” to have come true.

He lets out a laugh and gives you a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before turning to Lando

“And you my man! P fucking 2 in Monaco! How are you feeling?” Martin asks Lando as he pulls him into a massive hug and pats his back

Lando grins so wide even the Cheshire Cat would be jealous of it.

“Better than any sex I’ve ever had!” Lando laughs and you can’t help but blush at the comment.

You don’t know why, but that made you feel a little jealous and a little intrigued wondering if he truly meant that.

“So what do we owe the pleasure of bunny’s presence up here? She never lets Dan bring her up!” Martin asks, eyeing you curiously with a smirk on his face, not blind to the way your eyes will always find Lando in a room.

“I wanted to show her what it was like, she seems to love it from the floor so why not show her the other side” Lando responds, slipping his arm around your shoulder to pull you into his side, setting butterflies free in your stomach.

After about 20 minutes of Martin and Lando doing their thing and having the entire club on a high, you’re interrupted from your thoughts of watching Lando’s skillful hands at work when he leans closer to you to talk.

“Alright next songs yours princess, what are you feeling?” Lando asks, his hot breath fanning across your neck as he leans down to speak into your ear, making you shiver.

“Oh no it’s okay, I’m enjoying just watching, I wouldn’t even know what to play..” you respond, hoping he can’t see the blush on your face from how close he is.

“I heard you and Arthur talking about that Australian artist before, Dom something? What about one of his songs?” He smiles back before pulling you in between him and Martin.

“Dom Dolla? Yeah that would be cool! Ummm…” you start trying to think of what song could keep the currently energy of the club going as Martin pulls the artist up for you to have a look through. In seconds it catches your eye.

“OH THAT ONE! EAT YOUR MAN! THATS MY FAVORITE!” You say excitedly say as you grab Lando’s arm and point to the screen, before he smiles and nods, beginning to match it’s BPM and tempo to the currently song playing to seamlessly transition it in.

Before you know it, the familiar tune starts flowing through the speakers and you can’t stop yourself.

You’re singing and dancing as best as you can in the small space, as your friends go wild and cheer for you.

“I’ll eat your man, devour him whole

Lickin’ my fingers, I’m in control

Fly like a bird, I’m takin’ it home

Movin’ my body like a nympho

I say it right, now do what I say

Apply the pressure into your veins

Blood on the floor, I’m pushin’ the pain

I let the creatures out of the cage”

Lando can’t help it, he’s looking at you like a man starved.

The way your head is thrown back as you sing along, showing off your neck that he wants nothing more than to leave marks on right now.

The way your hips are moving the the beat, while your hands follow the contours of your body perfectly in the already revealing outfit, calling him to just reach out and touch.

He can’t pull his eyes away, his hands reaching out to grab your hips so he can dance with you, and he’s almost coming undone when you don’t pull away but instead lean back into him closing the gap between you both as you throw your head back onto his shoulder with a laugh and keep your hips moving now in time with his own.

Just as quickly as the embrace started, it was ending with the song.

Having exuded so much energy having a blast up there, but also feeling a little embarrassed that you’d been grinding on Lando without even realizing once you regained yourself post-song, you decided now was the time to excuse yourself for another much needed drink.

“Hey uh, I’m going to head to the bar, thank you so much for bringing me up here, have fun!” And before Lando could stop you or offer to join, you were running away, grabbing your friends on the way through as they laughed and followed.

“So, bunny huh?” Martin asked his friend with a big smirk

“Yeah, bunny huh…” Lando smiled, still watching after you.

After a few round of shots and grabbing another vodka orange, you decided to head back to the dancefloor, now feeling a little less nervous about the earlier exchange.

Lando was saying farewell to the decks, and decided that after grabbing a few shots for confidence he would join you and your friends for a dance, dragging Daniel and Oscar with him. Papaya past and present, a united front to help Lando.

You couldn’t help but keep catching his eyes on you, having been looking around for him as well.

There was no denying it, his hands almost felt like they were burning holes in your skin with how warm they made you feel up there. Causing butterflies in your stomach as well as awakening something in your core.

Martin watched on from the booths, waiting for the perfect moment to put his plan into action to help his curly haired friend.

A few songs after joining your group, Daniel was pulling you slightly away to talk for a moment.

“Bunny, I love you but I’m going to head home now…” He says, trying to put together the best words to ask you the awkward thing he needs to ask.

“Oh that’s okay, I’ll say goodbye to the group and we can go” you say with a smile, not wanting to bother Danny with coming home later and making noise.

“NO - I mean - um - could you possibly stay out a big longer? I was kind of hoping to bring someone home with me right now…” He said shyly, looking over your shoulder at your friend that he thought you were still blissfully unaware he was sneaking around with.

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh that caught Lando’s attention, zoning into the conversation you and Daniel were having off to the side.

“Danny, I love you but I’ve known about you and Julie for a while! I’ll find my own way home later, just let me know when it’s safe to return and be safe!” You say light heartedly as you push Julie towards him.

“Don’t worry Dan, i’ll take care of her and make sure she’s safe” Lando cuts in, throwing his arm around your shoulder again and pulling you into him.

Daniel gives him a knowing smirk, before turning to you and giving his famous smile and kissing your cheek, instantly running away with your friend in tow.

“So its just us now, drinks?” Lando smiles, making you laugh as he grabs your hand and leads you to the bar for another round of shots.

Half an hour later, you’re back on the floor dancing with Lando, a lot closer than you could have ever imagined you’d be.

Your back is against his front, his fingers digging into your hips as his head lays on your shoulder breathing in your perfume again.

Dancing along to some remix currently playing, you feel content and safe with Lando. You want more, but you don’t want to embarrass yourself by telling him and getting rejected.

From the DJ booth, Martin has been watching and knows now is the time to put his plan into action.

As he slowly fades out the song currently finishing, he starts a song he knows you love, and knows it’s the perfect message to convey how you and Lando are so blindly feeling towards eachother.

“Oh. My god. I haven’t heard this in forever” you say as you catch onto the familiar beat, Lando has no idea what he’s in for as you start singing along.

“Can you come fuck me right now?

Parents are home, but my beds too loud

I can take it on the ground

If I get too loud, you can shut my mouth”

Lando has had enough, he can’t hold himself back anymore and he can always blame it on the alcohol if you push him away.

In an instant, he’s flipping you around to face him and crashing his lips to yours.

You are immediately reacting to him, your hands sliding up his shoulders and tangling in the curls on the back of his head, as you grant his tongue the access.

Roaming hands continue down to your ass as the heated kiss only breaks so he can nip at your neck like he’s been wanting to do all night.

As he pulls away, he can’t at smile at the sight in front of him.

Your eyes hazy and filled with lust, mouth still slightly open trying to process it all.

He needs to get you out of here now.

“I know I told Daniel I’d get you home safely, but do you think he’ll mind if it's my home?” He asks with a smirk, you just give him a wild smile back and shake your head.

That’s all he needed, and he’s dragging you out of the club and hailing a taxi.

Barely making it though the car trip with his wandering hands creeping up your skirt, the moment you make it through his apartment doors his lips are instantly attached to yours again as he walks you backwards towards what you assume to be his bedroom.

As your knees hit the edge of his mattress, you fall backwards onto it, dragging him down with you.

Desperate kisses, wandering hands, neither of you can believe this is finally happening.

He pulls back finally to look at you again and make sure you’re okay.

“Hey if you don’t want to do this it's okay, we can put a movie or somethi-“ before he can even finish you give him another kiss.

“Lan, I want this. I want you. I need you.” You don’t care how desperate you sound, it was true,

“God you don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that” He growls, attaching his lips back to your neck, biting and bruising, making sure that by tomorrow everyone knows not to touch what’s his.

Hands wandering back up your skirt, he can’t help the growl that comes when he feels the wet spot having formed along the crotch of your thong.

“Who got you this wet angel? You’re already soaked through the slutty piece of lace you pathetically call underwear”

“You Lan, it was all you” you moan out as his fingers brush over the part you need him most again.

He lowers himself down the bed, bunching your skirt up around your waist before ripping your panties in half, not wanting to waste anymore time.

“HEY I really liked that pair” you said with a pout

“I’ll buy you a pair in every fucking colour, now shut up before I shove them in your mouth to keep you quiet.”

Before you can protest, his mouth is on your pussy making you almost scream in pleasure.

Lando is like a man starved, and if you were to be his final meal he would die a happy man.

His tongue lapping your folds, savoring the taste he knows he’ll never get enough of now that he’s had it.

It doesn’t take long and you can feel your orgasm approaching, and almost like he can sense it too, he slips two fingers in and works them in time with his tongue on your clit, making you see white hot stars.

Within a minute you’re screaming his name, coming undone as he laps up every single drop, not wanting to waste a single bit of his new favorite drug.

As you try to regain your breath, Lando removes your top, leaving you in nothing but your bunched up skirt as he leaves a trail of kisses up your body.

“Such pretty sounds you make baby, can’t wait for everyone to know who’s getting them out of you though” he smirks against your neck

“Lan can i.. can i return the favour?” You ask nervously, knowing he’s probably a lot more experienced than you and not wanting to disappoint him, but being too greedy to stop yourself.

“Princess i would love to get head from you, but only for a little bit because i don’t think i can wait to feel you around me much longer” he says with a quick kiss on your lips, before laying down and letting you take the same position he just had.

Unzipping his pants to pull them down, your mouth is already watering at the sight of his pretty dick as it finally springs free from the painfully tight confines of his pants.

“Do you think you can take it baby? Be a good girl and suck it.” He says devilishly as he pulls your hair into a ponytail to keep it out of your face.

Clenching your thighs at the request, you lick the tip to catch the precum already dribbling out, making him hiss.

“Don’t be a tease now princess, you’ve done enough of that tonight.”

You smile up at him through your eyelashes, before taking as much of him into your mouth as you can.

Almost whimpering at the feeling, his hand tighten in your hair as you start using your hand to work the parts you can’t quite reach.

“FUCK that’s it baby, just like that, you’re so fucking good at this holy shit”

Hearing the praise only makes you want to please him even more, as you push yourself to take more of him in, hitting the back of your throat over and over.

“Bunny I’m not going to last much longer with you doing that, need you on my cock already” He growls as he tugs your hair, pulling you off his cock and making you whimper.

“On my lap, now.” He demands as he pulls you up to hover over him, sitting up himself to get a better angle.

“I watched how much of a cocktease you could be all night, making every guy in the room drool over what’s mine. So why don’t you be a good little slut now and ride my cock like i already know your going to be so good at huh?” He says with a smirk as he lowers you onto his cock, making you whine at how full he’s already making you feel

“So full Lan, you’re so fucking big.” You whimper as your head drops to his shoulder.

“Come on baby, you’re taking me so well, just start moving when you settle” He says a little bit softer as he kisses your shoulder

After a few moments, the pain subsides and you can already feel the pleasure building, so you start moving your hips in the same fashion you were moving against him in the club.

“That’s my girl, fuck you feel so good little bun.” He says as he nips at your chest, your back arching in pleasure as you feel him hitting your core with each movement.

You start to feel brave, and decide the grinding isn’t enough for either of you anymore.

Before he can even ask if you’re okay as he feels the position change slightly, he’s faced with the most pornographic scene he could ever imagine.

Your tits are bouncing in his face as you bounce up and down on his cock, feeling his tip hit your g-spot brutally every time you lower, but nothing has ever felt this good before.

Your head thrown back in pleasure, as you grip onto his shoulders for support, nails digging in as a slew of swears and moans come out fo your mouth.

“Fuck bunny just like that, keep bouncing just like that, gonna cum soon” He moans, slapping your ass a few times for good measure and taking note at the sounds you make as he does so for next time.

“Fuck lan I’m gonna cum”

“Me too angel, fuck, where do you want me to cum?” He lets out a strangled moan as he fucks up into you, feeling you start to lose focus as you can no longer think from the pleasure you’re feeling.

“Cum inside me, please lan, need to feel you dripping out of me” you wimper, no longer able to think for yourself

“going to fill you up and make sure everyone knows who you belong to” he grunts, and that’s enough to make the band in you snap.

He feels you tighten around his cock as you’re screaming his name, over and over, causing him to let go finally too as you chase your highs together.

After a few moments of trying to catch your breaths, he drops back down onto the mattress as you remove yourself from him and wimper at the loss of fullness you just felt.

Pulling you down to lay on his chest, he plays with your hair as you lay in silence for a while.

Thoughts are swirling around his head before he finally decides to speak up, not wanting to lose the courage from the post-sex bliss.

“I know its kind of backwards, but would you maybe want to go on a date tomorrow? I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while but didn’t think I had a chance” He asks nervously, still running his fingers through your hair.

“I’d love to Lan, and if we’re being honest I thought you just saw me the same way Danny did, I though I was the one who didn’t have a chance” you say while laughing slightly, before leaning up to give him a peck on the lips for reassurance.

“Well now that that’s out of the way, why does Daniel only call you bunny? Do you even have a real name at this point?” He asks as he pokes your side, making you squeal

“He started calling me bunny when we were little because when we would go dirt bike riding really early in the morning my nose would go pink like a bunny, and he also use to make fun of me for my nervous nose twitch thing” you tell him, the story making you smile

“Oh I mean i get it now, at least you got stuck with a cute name. But do you ever wish he’d just call you by your name?”

”Nope, i like bunny. Besides, after i bit him one time and solidified the nickname, it only made sense to keep it.” You said with a big grin, making Lando burst out laughing hearing that you actually bit Daniel.

“So….” He starts after you’ve both been laying in bliss for some time now, “Are you up for round 2 my little rabbit?”

[mommypieck]

𑄽୧ cow hybrid with geto 𔓘 ᰍ

kinktober day 17: fill me up with milk!!!

✿ farmer!geto suguru x cow hybrid!reader

✿ warnings: lactating, reader has cow ears and tail, titties play, clit play, breastfeeding

You can feel someone's eyes watching you as you snuggle against the wall. It's your first day at a new farm, and you can't help but feel shy and embarrassed. Not to mention the fact that you're still in your old, ugly clothes. Your eyes flex when you hear footsteps coming your way. Your eyes lock with a young farmer, and your heart skips a beat.

"Hello, sweetheart," he says, crouching down at a good distance from you. he wears a sweet smile, but you're still unsure what to think about him. He's wearing a button-up that he leaves surprisingly unbuttoned, and his hair is in a bun. You've never met a farmer this young.

Your previous owner was an older man. Your whole family lived under his care, and you couldn't complain, he was a good man. But unfortunately for you, he focused his business on horses. And when your siblings were born, you as an older cow, had to be sold to a different farm.

"I'm your caretaker Suguru." The man introduces himself, and you nod at him to show him you acknowledge him.

"I have new clothes for me," he tells you, and you finally notice the basket next to him. It's full of blankets and clothing designed just for you. He pulls a few garments out of the basket, reaching his hand to give them to you. You look at the clothing, and you notice that it's beautiful, but you find the man more beautiful than everything in the world.

The days go by, and you and Geto start to get closer. You wait for him every day to come and milk you, and he never misses, except for one day.

"Oh, you poor thing, did I forget about you?" he coos, your eyes filling with tears. He forgot to milk you yesterday, and you were filled to the brim. Your boobs hurt like with all the milk stored inside. You feel betrayed, you thought you were his favorite

"Come here, sweetheart," he says, stretching his arms for you to lay in them. You shake your head, giving him the angriest face you can master. He chuckles, pulling you closer to his body. He kisses the top of your head, wrapping his arms around you.

"I hope you know you're my favorite." his praise means nothing and everything to you at the same time. You've become attached to Geto, but you can't stand to see him give attention to other people. You thought that maybe he likes you more than a cattle he has to milk. In the end, you're not so different from normal humans, you have a pair of ears and a tail, and you have to be milked.

"I'm tired of you treating me like a cattle," you tell him, his eyes widening.

"I never meant to" he wants to apologize, but you cut him off, "but you did."

"Do you want me to treat you like a human?" he asks angrily, his eyes darkening. You look him straight in the eyes before sticking your tongue at him.

"That's it," he growls, ripping the soft white dress off your body. Your boobs fall out, milk already dripping from your nipple. He manhandles you until you are on his lap. Geto takes one of your boobs in his hand and squeezes, milk spraying everywhere. His mouth latches on your boob, and he sucks. Your eyes go wide, not expecting him do to something so vulgar. He milks you by his mouth, some of the milk dripping down his chin. You feel your panties get wetter and wetter every second. You always get needy when he milks you, but he usually uses machines. This is the first time he used his mouth. His mouth feels so much better than those machines, even though he's being mean to your boobs, biting them as he sucks. It's still better than machines that almost pierce your boobs every time they touch you.

"Geto, I need you." you moan, relaxing into Suguru's body. You feel him smirk around your nipple before his hand travels down your body to your pussy. He touches it with his fingertips softly, laughing when he sees that you're absolutely soaked.

"So wet already," he says, kissing you on the cheek. You turn red instantly, this is exactly what you wanted. Now he's treating you like a human girl.

he puts his fingers on your clit, rubbing it gently. You have never had another person touch you before, and somebody else's touch feels so foreign but so good. he doesn't dare to touch you differently, he just rubs your clit while still sucking on your boobs.

The weight in your boob soon becomes lighter, and he moves to the next one.

"you dirty girl," he says, his hand slapping your pussy. You yelp, whining in Geto's arms. He can feel you're close, but he also wants to milk you dry before you cum. Your hips buck to meet his hand, but he smacks your pussy down.

"Don't dare to cum." he says as he sucks harder on your boobs. There's not much left, and as much as he wants to savor the taste, he knows you want to cum.

He pops his mouth off your breast, some of her liquid leaking down between your bodies. He applies more pressure with his fingers on your clit, making you arch your back against his chest.

"Are you gonna cum?" he asks, rubbing you harder. You nod your head, knowing it won't take long before you cum.

"Come here, sweetheart." he turns your head, kissing you right on your lips. Wind knocks out of your lungs as you cum with Geto's lips still pressed against you. Your body trashes against geto.

"Good girl." he praises you as he throws some blanket around your body, the dress he tore away from you being unwearable.

"Don't ever think that you're not my favorite. I couldn't ask for a better cowgirl than you."

taglist: @mcharris747 @huuuuut30 @krispsprite @bejewelledd @cawwn @veryninjanacho @jamayah @dngerwayz @nwptune @universlypiratecolor @ffakegucci @merachannie @d1lf-luvr @th3girln3xtdoor @nobody289x @iheartpieck @gia999 @kawasgirl @st4rrlighttt @candyeyeroll @7haze @banchangsbbbg @nigthmar3moon @softlilpeachxx @d1gitalbathh @jaenniii @armahnsie @satorustar @balenciagarette @erp1007

[theminecraftbee]

"Well hello there Secret Keeper!" Scar says, chipper. "It's a bea-ut-i-ful day today here on the Secret Life server, and I'm here for my daily hearts for winning! I have to say, it is gorgeous today. Really a lot easier to keep the rain away without other players, what with sleeping through the night not being a problem at all! Did you know, by the way, that sleeping and rain are connected? I didn't until recently, but by golly, they sure are! Can you imagine? The world is full of so many strange things."

The Secret Keeper, being a big dumb stone statue, doesn't reply. Scar's beginning to think it's just rude. It sure replies whenever he hits the button, which is the first step in his morning routine these days. He's gotten better at dodging damage, really, even with the nearly infinite hearts! He's just not so good at dodging skeletons and creepers and such that he shouldn't top off every day.

He hits the button. He feels his health return to him. He gets a new task: Win Secret Life.

He snorts, a little bitter, to himself as he reads it and folds it into his pocket. "You know, I don't know if I'm lucky or unlucky that you're such a moron that you don't know what winning means. Your machine is broken."

No response, again, because the Secret Keeper is, as established, a big old dumb rock. Well, whatever. Besides, if he lingers on resentment and upset for too long, it might catch up with him! He's certainly let it catch up with him before. Why, a few days after he'd won, when he really had it sink in that he was for-real alone on a server covered in lightning burn marks and blood, he had a bit of a breakdown! There was sobbing, screaming, yelling at the world, the whole works! And when no one responded then, well--

"Did I just call you a moron? I'm sorry, I didn't mean that!" Scar says. "You know how I get sometimes. The world is beautiful and warm, but sometimes it gets a little hard to breathe around here! Now, where were we... oh, right! The trading post terraforming project! Now, we hit a bit of a snag the other day, what with the wandering traders I'd caught all sort of--dying--and all that, but luckily, more of them might show up any moment, and they really are vital to making the place feel alive and breathing. So today we're taking a break from that to build up some trees!"

He waves his arms like someone is listening. He'd like to imagine someone is. Grian told him he won--just because all the ghosts are quiet now doesn't mean they aren't there! And if that was a moment of temporary insanity, well, he probably--he needs to think it's not, is the thing! He absolutely needs to think it's not.

He hums and gathers more logs. His makeshift tree farms are pretty nice, if he does say so himself. He pauses as he hears distant howling and sighs. "I guess we will also be spending today cleaning up the wolf population! I swear, I have no idea what those people were thinking making a wolf spawner. A man takes a nap for a day and then the entire server is overrun with stupid white animals! And you know, I do hate having to cull the things, but, well, you know me. I've learned how to kill pretty well, I think, and really, dogs are easier to kill than people."

He grabs a sword from his chest and sharpens it. He keeps it perfectly clean so that there isn't too much blood on it. Good thing, too; most of the blood would probably be his. He's a bit clumsy, after all. He cuts his fingers on it all the time. No matter how well he bandages up his hands, he just keeps making them bleed, drip, drip, dripping blood on every path he walks down. No matter how hard he works to clean up his massive building projects, the little splatters of blood follow him, so he's sticking to dark colors where he can.

The flowers will probably show the blood, he thinks. The flowers and trees he's building. Hopefully, the blood doesn't stand out too much. It feels wrong, in a world where there are no bodies.

He stands up. He heads in the direction of today's pack of unwanted pests. He sighs. "You know, I know your question is, well gosh, Scar! All the previous winners died. When are you going to finish it off and kill yourself? And wow, that's a pretty dark question. You should be ashamed of yourself for asking, really." He laughs. It's not funny. Who cares.

Instead, he shakes his head.

"And, well, you have to understand. I'm not done building yet! I can make my base so much nicer looking! And besides, you're still handing me hearts. If I get hurt, I can just come back and get more from you! If you want to die, you have to kill me yourself. You fucking cowards!"

No response.

He sighs. "Well, that's enough of that for today. Sorry, I'm feeling kind of morose. It's all this sunshine! Can't be good for a man. Did you know populated servers rain more often than unpopulated ones? It's true! It's because people don't sleep enough. But here I am, getting all the sleep I need. Now, time to go kill some dogs and build some trees! I can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon, can you?"

His hands hurt. He ignores it. He ignores a lot of hurt, these days. It's not like it's hard.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

I've been reading a lot of Korean isekai webcomics lately and given me an idea of being Malleus or Leona fiance who he didn't even love at all ( liked he thinks they are being too clingy or something like that but in reality they care about them and try help them out with daily tasks and try to bring something interesting to lighten the mood or the very least lift up their mood to at least feel better )

and reader taken over the body of said fiance and just like " I don't wanna get killed, or die, I have magic to help me out so I'll just run away from here " and just left him to venture out in the world maybe settle in somewhere outside of the kingdom to somewhere else in a small village to settle, and when they realize that how much their former finance care for them and realize they are no longer in the castle and looking for them

And what do they feel when they see her ( fae or beastwoman ) with a human male who made her really happy when they found her

Manwha Mistreated Married Reader | Yandere Twisted Wonderland

It's downright unfair to be the only one trying in this arranged marriage setting. Not to mention the lack of care when it comes to hiding their growing interest in this Yuu character. Why shouldn’t you be allowed happiness with your own human, far away from the unforgiving environment of their castle? What’s worse is that they will come running and it is not to congratulate you:

Leona Kingscholar

“What the-”

When he finally does get around to actually doing the paperwork of being a prince

He finds that he’s been sent a constant barrage of divorce material 

And then he’s reminded that he’s been married off to…someone he can’t even be bothered to remember

But he looks at the official Royal portraits of you 

And goes to search 

He wanted to see what he was working with

“Uh your majesty, they’ve been gone for over a year now.”

A year?! Already

So he reaches into the back of his mind to the memories of you 

Reporting how much of his work you did for him or how you gifted him some new pillows as a gift 

It makes him feel itchy 

So he begins an arduous search for you

Something that takes longer than he expects 

Eventually finding you working on a farm 

Clearly making goo-goo eyes at the pathetic buff farm hand

So he decides to pop your bubble, revealing that technically still married

“Oh, I know that. But they’re waitin’ on you to finalize the divorce, y’know?”

Drats

There’s nothing more he hates than watching you look longingly at each other despite being so close

But he can’t bring himself to sign his name

Preferring to instead fight for his ownership of your heart

And if he has to get dirty he doesn’t mind

It just means he’s one step closer to making you return

He wants you to come running back to him

To hang off his every word as he does now

To kiss his knuckles and tell him how good of a husband he’s been

Malleus Draconia

“I’ve misjudged you…I’d appreciate if you returned home now.”

It's a wake-up call to have you laugh in his face when he says this

Usually, any protests would be met with his immense strength and magical prowess

But too bad his grandmother set him up with someone of near equal standing even worse better you seem to have been training

It was a past time for you as you moved into a non-descript village

All to retreat from a spouse obsessed with the first human to express any interest in him

Now forget all the times you attempted to converse with him or let him ramble about gargoyles

Only to be ignored or spat at for imitating his ‘child of man’

Well if he liked them so much he shouldn’t have minded when you wordlessly took a hiatus from the kingdom

No one seems to miss you, your presence is filled by the buzz of a human being around

But when that human leaves for home or turns in to achieve that sleep they so desperately need

He misses you

Finds even he unexpectedly snaps when his best friend reaches to sit in your chair

What strange magic…for him to wish you were present

He finds you easily 

And is surprised when you wretch in disgust when he arrives

And if you’ve taken a guardian role to some poor orphan child they copy the behavior

Constantly reminding him of your supposed dislike 

He’s not fond of this version of you at all

So he lingers like a dog kicked outside

Watching from a close distance as you live your new life

Sparking something in him as he finds you absolutely alluring at every angle

Suddenly that human’s pleas for his return become the static of something irritating

He needed you to come back and if a distraction was what was stopping you then so be it

But you’re so empathetic they might prove themselves useful as the king’s bargaining chip

[familyvideostevie]

the meaning of it all

joel miller x reader

summary: Joel Miller, of all people, teaches you to ask for help. 

word count: 13.6k

warnings: jackson au, post part i, joel and ellie worked it out! joel is soft! language, violence, fluff, learning to accept help and love.

a/n: this fic is a soft joel (think part ii joel but make it two years into jackson because he and ellie resolved everything <3) and a reader who is much more me than i've written before. i hope you like it! thank you again to @strangerfreaks who held my hand through this, i owe you my life.

___

Luck. God damned old-fashioned thank-fuck-for-that luck has kept you alive since the world ended. Deep festering rage and a near-constant state of fear have helped. But every bullet you've found, every undamaged can of food, every shot that landed in the right place so you were the last one standing -- that's all luck. Or a curse, depending on the day. Depending on how you're feeling about it all.

And Jackson? That's the biggest stroke of luck you've had in twenty years. A single woman on her own with plenty of working years left and no obvious red flags was probably a no-brainer for the community to take in but you feel like you've finally made it. After two decades of violence and horror and pain, you fucking made it somewhere safe.

You spend as much time as you can making sure everyone knows how grateful you are. You don't have any special skills, not really. You can shoot well enough, cook well enough, clean well enough. Young enough when all the shit went down that you don't have a trade or any work experience, you just go wherever they need someone in town.

Keeping busy means you're bone-tired most nights. Exhausted sleep means fewer nightmares, less time to wander the halls of your very nice but much too-big-for-you-home and miss everything you've lost. But picking up shifts wherever you can also means you don't meet many people beyond hellos and exchanging names. Farming is easy and you get to work with a lot of the kids in town, daycare much the same. You're lousy with power tools but you're able to carry materials wherever they're needed. Cooking is easy when it's stew for hundreds of people and doing dishes is even fun when someone turns on the radio. You're making it work.

Patrol is...patrol. You're able, so you're on the roster. It's not that you hate it, not exactly. Going outside the walls makes you feel like you're someone else. You slip back into the mask of fear and anger, the one that kept you alive for so long. And the worst part is it's comfortable. 

You've done the training runs, the group patrols for three months. Infected still freak you out a little but you're smart enough to be more scared of people. All of the senior patrol members have cleared you for paired patrols and today is your first one.

Tommy meets you at the stables to check-in.

You don't really have any friends, though everyone is perfectly nice to you, but Tommy and Maria are probably as close as it gets.  You figure they take a shine to newcomers like you, ones who come in alone, maybe to keep an eye on them as much as anything else. But they've both got a smile and kind word for you whenever you see them, always asking if you need anything. You always tell them no, you're fine, thank you.

"You ready?" Tommy says. "I've had them pull Apollo for you." You pat yourself one more time to make sure you have everything. Pistol on your thigh, knife at your hip, pack secure on your back. Hat and gloves tucked into your jacket pocket to account for the wind on the trails.

"I think so," you tell him. You blow a raspberry at your horse and he blows back, nudging your shoulder with his nose.

"After this, pretty sure you'll have done every job there is to do in this town. Pullin' crops, plantin' crops, cookin' crops. Kids, the library, cleanin', buildin' that ramp at Lenore's last month. You've been here, what, six months? And you've done it all."

It should make you feel good that he's noticed. It does, but only a little. You still feel like you could work every day for the rest of your life and not repay what he and this town have given you. To make up for the things you've done on the road.

"I'm the best floater in Jackson," you joke instead. Smiling makes people like you. You haven't had much cause to smile in recent years so you're still getting used to the urge. Tommy scoffs. "I don't do important council stuff like you and Maria, though."

He ignores that. "Y'know, pretty sure they call that a jack-of-all-trades. A real Ren-ai-ssance woman." You try to come up with a retort, eyes wandering to the patrol assignment board. Your name is under ELK CREEK and under it is --

"Quit harassin' her."  Tommy rolls his eyes and flips off whoever comes up behind you. You turn around and see a man you know of but have never actually met.

"Joel," Tommy says. "I believe this is called havin' a conversation. You ever tried it?"

"Funny," Joel replies. He nods at you. "You my partner today?"

"Seems so." You introduce yourself, Apollo's warm breath at your back.

"Joel Miller," he says back.

You're a little intimidated, truth be told. You know him by reputation mostly. Tommy's big brother who came to town a few years ago with a little girl. They're both pretty much everywhere. Joel fixing houses and talking to kids in the street, going on patrols and always bringing back extra for whoever needs it. Ellie galloping around town with other teenagers and bringing home the biggest game. You've handed her books a few times at the library, too, seen her bright eyes and infectious energy underneath teenage angst that transcends even an apocalypse. And you've seen them together, heads down in the dining hall or pressed closed walking down the street -- heard rumors about why they came here, how they came here, too -- and one thing is clear to you: the Millers are beloved. By this town and by each other.

It's a miracle all its own in this fucked up world.

"You two ain't met yet?" Tommy says, pointing at the space between you. You snap out of your thoughts. "You've been here long enough to have met everyone by now."

"Guess not," you say with a wry smile. The younger Miller is too polite to call you out for not having a single friend in that time period, either.

"Well, here we are," Joel says. "Gonna keep us here forever, Tommy? Or can we do our job?"

Tommy claps him on the shoulder and winks at you. "Tone down the asshole for her first paired patrol, yeah?"

Joel snorts. He grabs a horse that was already tacked for him and leads it out of the stable. You follow with Apollo. The patrol coordinator hands out rifles and reminds everyone of the rules.

You hop on your horse. "You ready?" Joel asks, startling you a bit. "We'll gallop to the mouth of the river and then start patrollin'."

Something in you relaxes a bit at his clear confidence in you to handle yourself. You know you're with him for a reason -- he's one of the best. That, or maybe he just doesn't give a shit. Somehow you think it's the former.

You follow him up the hill outside the gates and through the tree line. The noise of the Outside is different than that of Jackson. Birdsong, snapping branches and dry brush under your horse, the wind rippling down the hill. You take a deep breath through your nose and feel a part of you come alive. It's funny how a world so beautiful can be so deadly.

Joel gallops a little ahead of you, strong and steady. You watch him, think about what you know. He's older than you, that much is obvious. Greying hair curling around his ears, lines on his face from more than just a stressful life. But he's strong, good at what he does. Those rumors come back to the front of your mind. How he and Ellie showed up, half-starved and bloody. How he and Tommy are the most famed patrol duo for Infected kills and otherwise. It makes you feel safe. It makes you want to learn from him. It makes you want to know more.

And he's got kind eyes. Somehow, he's got kind eyes.

"Alright," Joel calls back to you. "Route starts here." He slows his horse and you pull up beside him. He shifts in his saddle and turns his face to you. "Now, I know this is your first pair," he says. "I won't order you around or nothin' but my main piece of advice is that everyone has a different patrol style. Know how to adapt."

You dig your gloves out of your pockets and wiggle them on. Joel watches before his eyes snap back to yours. "Noted." You honestly didn't think he'd talk this much. "And let me guess. Yours is patrol in silence?" You punctuate the nervous quip with a smile.

Joel snorts. "Nah," he says. "Unless you're Max. Can't stand that fucker."

It startles a laugh out of you and any ice you'd imagined breaks for good. Max is one of the middle-aged men who probably would have been a lawyer or a politician based on the way he likes the sound of his own voice.

"Now," Joel says. "You done this route before?" His knuckles are a little red but he doesn't put on any gloves.

"Twice, I think. First log book in that old station, right?" Joel nods. "Second in the town?" He nods again.

"Color me impressed." His mouth tugs up at the corner into something you might call a smile. You try not to look too pleased with yourself. "Some of the dipshits on the roster don't even remember that much."

It feels like you've passed a test. His praise makes you feel nice. Noticed. Not something you often seek but you know yourself well enough to admit that you'd like a little more of it. Even if it's from a man you just met.

"Not that hard," you say softly. Joel looks at you for a moment longer before clicking his teeth. His horse starts to walk. You signal to Apollo to follow.

The patrol goes off without a hitch. Joel signs the log book in the station and you sign it in the tower. He lets you snipe two runners that he spots and doesn't scold you when you take three tries on the second one.

"Settlin' in okay?" he asks once you've rounded the town one last time and started back towards Jackson. "Six months, Tommy said?"

Despite his earlier words, you haven't chatted much this patrol. While you'd like to know more about him, want to get him to smile at you again, you're really just enjoying being out here with someone else, knowing that you're safe. That you've got somewhere to go back to.

"It's nice," you sigh. "I never imagined I'd find a place like this."

You really should pick up the pace to get back to town but he doesn't seem to be in any hurry.

"I know the feelin'," he murmurs. "Ellie'n me slept on the floor for a good two weeks at the start. Been two years and some nights I don't take my boots off."

"What a fucking life, huh?" That earns you a wry smile. "Having a house is...strange. All of the hinges squeak and I --"

"The hinges squeak?" You look over at him and Joel's brows are furrowed.

"Oh, I mean, it's no big deal --" You stumble over apologies. You don't want him to think you're complaining about a home his brother gave you when he sure as shit didn't have to.

Joel taps his thumb on the pommel of his saddle. "Can get that fixed, y'know."

You didn't know, actually. "Really?"

Now he looks at you like you're a little stupid. "Ain't you the one hauling shit to people's houses when they need a hand?"

He has a point and you hate it. It never occurred to you to ask for someone to come fix your hinges. They're just hinges, for fuck's sake. Other people have holes in their floorboards or leaks or need new rooms for family members. You're just...you.

Joel sighs. It feels like you've disappointed him and it swirls in your gut. "I'll take a look at it this week."

Your neck cracks audibly with how quickly you look up at him. "What? No, Joel, you don't have to --"

He says your name in a tone that you know means no arguing. "I know I don't have to. I offered."

"You don't even know me!" The words fly from your mouth before you can stop them.

He brings his horse to a full stop so quick you almost run into him.

"Look," he says. His gaze holds yours. Wow, he really can be intimidating when he wants to be. You can only imagine the things he's done, the things he's capable of. Anyone who has made it this long has blood on their hands. You've washed it from your own skin plenty of times. And yet, you feel completely safe. And you know that you'll probably do whatever he tells you. "I know how it can be."

Your gut swirls. "You don't know what I've been through," you say softly. It's not a jibe, it's just the truth. No one knows because you've told no one because it doesn't matter. You're here now.

"I've been alive for a while longer than you," he continues. "I've seen the world, just as you have. I've been out here. I was out here for a long, long time." He runs a hand through his beard, fiddles with his broken watch in what looks like reflex. "I know how hard it is to ask. To get back to something that makes any damn sense. But you can if you try."

The words linger in the chill around you. He's right, obviously. He's so fucking right that you want to be mad. You haven't asked for anything because you don't want to fracture the good thing you've got. Don't want to be too much, to be a burden they can't support, to make people think you don't deserve to be in Jackson. All things that don't make any fucking sense, not really, but you can't stop them. It's just how you're wired.

"So I'm comin' over this week to fix those hinges. Alright?"

"Alright." Something in Joel softens when you agree.

"Good," he says. "Good."

You finish the patrol in comfortable silence. All told it's been nice. To talk to someone, to feel like they give a shit about you even for just a few hours. You have no doubt Joel will be over to fix your hinges but you figure it'll fizzle out after that -- it always does. You don't know how to ask someone to stick around, anyway. But even this little bit of him will have been worth it.

Something both loosens and tightens in your chest when you get back to Jackson and through the gates. Goodbye beautiful, horrible outside world, hello safety, community, home. It's a trade-off. You and Joel hop off your horses and return your rifles. You're about to hand Apollo off to be brushed and returned to the stables when you feel a hand on your shoulder.

Joel says your name and you turn around.

"Good job today," he says softly. "Not too excitin' of a patrol, but you're good out there."

You blink owlishly. "I-- thanks," you manage. "Maybe we'll get to go out again as a pair." You're showing your hand but you can't help it. You want more of whatever this was.

Joel's mouth pulls up at one corner. "Maybe."

___

Two days later you drag yourself out of the house for community breakfast. Most mornings you're out the door and at your work detail for the day before you can pop over but you don't have anything assigned today. It's a rare respite and it has you antsy. You don't remember how to be idle, aren't any good at it. Sitting in your empty house means your mind might wander to the thoughts you try very hard to keep at bay. The loneliness, the regret, the fear. The loss. It's always there and you've gotten better at dealing with it after so many years but some days you really just wish you could talk about it to someone, could just bitch and moan about how fucking awful this life can be.

But everyone is carrying their own shit and you don't need to add to it. You don't want anyone to have to carry yours, too.

Breakfast is quiet this morning. You settle at a table with your toast and your eggs and your potatoes and smile back at anyone who smiles at you but no one sits with you. If they did you don't know what you'd say.

But then the air changes. Your neck feels a little hot and you slowly look around until you see what's caused it -- Joel and Ellie are here. He's already looking at you when you meet his eyes and he smiles a little, a half-moon curve of his mouth, and nods. You wave.

Ellie waves back, which you don't expect. She says something to Joel and he frowns, rolls his eyes. She punches him in the arm and he flips her off and grabs two plates, starts to fill them. You smile down at your own food.

"Man, are the potatoes that fucking good today?"

You look up and find Ellie in front of you. You're pretty sure she's 16 or thereabouts, still growing into herself based on the way she shifts on her feet. Her right forearm has the outline of something floral. She notices you looking at it and crosses her arms, looking unimpressed. Ah, teenagers.

"Pretty okay," you tell her. "I don't know if we've met yet --"

"We kinda have," she interrupts. "I know your name and you know mine, so. And you're at the library sometimes when I check shit out."

This still does not explain why she's over here talking to you. You can see Joel in the breakfast line still, glancing over his shoulder every so often to see if she's still in the room. You try not to catch his gaze because you're a little afraid of what Ellie might read in it.

"Can I do something for you, Ellie?" you ask, not unkindly. She scrunches up her nose and then sighs.

"Joel told me not to bother you but I wanted to ask if you could look out for a book for me. At the library." Her words get faster as she reaches the end of her sentence. She takes a look at you, sees that you're not telling her to fuck off, or something, and keeps talking. Some book about the history of comics or something.

"Oh," you say. You feel a rush of affection for her and the fact that she can hold the record for headshots on a group patrol and still want to read about something she loves in her free time. "Yeah, I'll look for you. I don't have a library shift until tomorrow but I'll look and put it aside if I find it for you."

Ellie tugs on her fingers. "Don't you need to write it down or something?"

You smile at her. "No, I'll remember." You recite the title and author she just told you back to her and it seems to satisfy her. It's like a switch is flipped -- her earnest expression morphs into something you can only call mischief.

"So Joel's coming over to fix your doors, or whatever," she says. "How'd you crack him?"

"I--what?"

"You patrol with him once and he's coming over to your house," she says. "It took him like, weeks to laugh at one of my jokes. And I'm fucking funny!"

You have no idea what to say to that. Patrol with Joel was your first time talking to him and while he's a bit intimidating, sure, he never came off as anything other than...good. But you'd bet he wasn't always that way in this world. Maybe this girl in front of you had something to do with it.

And honestly, you're sure he just feels a little bad for you. He's nice enough to worry, to make sure everyone in town can do their part and you'll take what you can get even if it's temporary attention.

Part of you knows Ellie is just giving you a hard time because she's a teenager and you're kind of connected to the guy who looks after her so you're fair game, too. But she's talking to you like she wants to which is throwing you for a loop. And you're realizing it's been a long time since you actually wanted someone to like you. Well, Joel aside.

"You want to tell me one?" you ask. She looks surprised and then delighted.

"Oh, fuck yeah. Okay, let me think." You take another bite of your breakfast. "Okay, okay, I got it. What did the mermaid wear to her math class?"

You give it a few seconds before you shrug. Ellie grins. "An algae-bra."

Your laugh makes her grin bigger. "See? Fucking hilarious." She holds out her hand for a high five and you oblige. "Anyway, Joel's gonna come over tomorrow, I think. Seriously, dude, I don't know how you did it. He never used to be this nice!" She looks over her shoulder at the man in question. He's sitting down at another table. "He's getting soft."

Her voice is fond and you're pretty sure she doesn't notice. "You should go eat your breakfast, Ellie," you tell her.

She sighs like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. "Yeah, I'm fucking hungry. Let me know if you find that book!"

"I will," you call after her. You can't help but watch as she barrels back to her table with Joel and immediately makes an attempt at his bacon. He fends her off with his fork before surrendering a piece with a scowl.

He looks up and catches your eye again. You stand with your tray and nod at him, turning around before you can see his expression. Stupid, so stupid to be caught looking like that. But you can't help it -- looking at the love still alive in this shitty world and wondering what it feels like.

___

You run into Joel on your walk home from the next day's shift at the library. You spent probably far too much of it looking for the book Ellie wanted but it was worth it because you've got it tucked under your arm. It feels like a small miracle but you're not one to question it.

Maybe it's the good mood you're in, but when you see Joel from behind you call out his name. He doesn't stop walking but turns his head like he heard something. When he spots you he does stop, waiting for you to catch up.

"Hi," you say, suddenly a little less brave.

"Howdy," he replies, amused. "I'm headed your way."

"You --" He lifts a toolbox you now realize he's carrying. "Oh, right. Hinges."

"I can come by another day if it's not a good time."

Joel could knock on your door in the middle of the night and it would be a good time. "No, ah. Now's good." He motions for you to lead the way even though he clearly knew where he was going. He must have asked Tommy.

It seems like everyone waves as you two head for your street. They call out Joel's name and he knows pretty much everyone. You feel a little self-conscious being seen with him like this -- you, pretty much a nobody in town through your own doing and Joel, beloved by all.

It doesn't stop until you're almost at your door. "You're popular," you say, trying to make it sound teasing. Instead, it sounds awed.

Joel runs his free hand through his beard. "Don't remind me," he grumbles. "Can't go for a walk without a damn conversation."

You pull out your keys and unlock the front door. There are plenty of people in Jackson who don't lock their doors but you can't shake the need. "Sounds difficult."

He chuckles and you feel it zing up your spine. It's nice to make him laugh. "Yeah, yeah. S'pose it's nice." The front door opens with a creak and you look at him sheepishly. His eyebrows touch his hairline. "They all like that?"

You nod. Joel whistles. "Christ," he says. "Alright." He follows you into the house. You try not to think about what he sees. You've tried to make it your own, just a little. Posters you traded for, books you've collected. You cleaned the whole thing top to bottom when you moved in but somehow it still looks a little un-lived in. You're working on it.

"Don't let me bother you," Joel says, getting on one knee with a grunt and prying open his box. "Probably need 'bout an hour to get 'em all. I'll holler when I'm done."

That's your cue to busy yourself with something, anything, but you don't want to. You want to talk to him, to watch him do whatever he's going to do, to soak up this time with Joel before he walks out the door and you go back to being acquaintances.

"What are you going to use?" you ask. He looks up, a little surprised, before pulling out a spray bottle and a rag. He shakes it at you.

"It's some sorta homemade shit one of the younger guys cooked up," Joel says. Somehow he manages to sound self-deprecating, like he thinks he should've thought of it first. "I think it's...soap? And cleanin' stuff? Fuck, I don't know." He huffs a laugh. "I know it works, though. Back in the day we'd use shit you could buy on the shelf." He stands with a grunt. "You old enough to know that?"

That gets you to laugh. "Yeah, Joel," you say. "I'm old enough to remember the hardware store."

His gaze feels a little different than before, like he's allowing himself to look. "Hmm," is all he says. "I'll just --"

You don't know how to justify shadowing him as he oils your hinges -- there's a joke there's somewhere -- so you don't. You grab a book from the shelf and settle on your couch and try your best to read but your mind wanders.

It's pretty clear that you have a crush on Joel. You've spent one patrol with the guy but somehow he's gotten under your skin. It's inconvenient but also...nice? A crush at the end of the world. The fact that you can still feel something so sweet, so juvenile after all you've seen and all you've done is almost laughable. And it's not like it's going to go anywhere -- you're sure Joel thinks you're too young for him, too green, and he's probably tripping over admirers in town. But you can let it be something to keep your days interesting until it fades.

It was hard enough to love yourself before the world ended for reasons anyone could understand. Societal pressures, stupid comparisons, things that don't matter at all now. Who has time to think about being loved when you're constantly faced with death? Feeling desired, feeling loved, feeling looked after isn't exactly top of mind. You're not even sure you remember how. You put one foot in front of the other and that's enough.

But wouldn't it be nice to be on the receiving end of affection from a man like Joel?

"All finished." You startle and realize you haven't turned a single page of your book. If Joel notices he doesn't say. He wipes his hands on a rag and eyes you. "Pretty sure I got all the doors."

You hop up from the couch and try to find your words. "I -- that's -- you're --"

"Thank you will do just fine," he says with a smirk. He tucks the rag in his back pocket and crosses his arms, leaning against the wall.

"Let me cook for you," you blurt out instead. "In exchange." You can make a few things fairly decently and making him something is another excuse to talk to him like this, to be on the receiving end of those eyes. "I can make chili. Does Ellie like chili?"

"Don't have to do that," he says kindly. "Helpin' you ain't a business deal. S'what people do here." He stands straight and heads for your front door, picking up his toolbox on the way.

"Joel," you say, snagging his sleeve with your fingers. You pull them back quickly and grab the book you brought home, holding it out for him. "Ellie asked me to look for this. Could you give it to her?"

He looks at the book the same way he looks at his kid. It's tenderness so raw you look away. "I will," he says softly. He tucks the book under his arm like precious cargo. "Thank you for findin' it for her." He clears his throat and looks at you, smirk back in place. "Wasn't so bad, was it?" he asks. You don't follow. "Havin' someone help you," he adds.

Your face feels hot. "I'll still cook for you," you say, opening the door. He shakes his head.

"You let me know if you need anythin' else, alright?" A quick smile and he's down the steps and back into the street, strolling back to his own home.

"I will." You say it to yourself and almost mean it.

___

You patrol a few more times over the next month but never get paired up with Joel. If you were a little braver you'd ask Tommy or the kid he's training to take over the schedule to put you two together but you don't. Instead, you wave at Ellie when you see her, nod at Joel from the other side of rooms where he's always talking to someone else. You let yourself enjoy the way your heart picks up at the sight of him and the thrill you feel after he smiles at you. It's a nice change to the boring, lonely routine you had before.

The doors in your house open and close silently.

Being outside is fine. You don't like it any more or any less, it just is what it is. Life at the end of the world continues on.

Until you have a bad patrol.

It's no one's fault and no one gets bit. You and your partner, Astrid, are tailing a buck that's wandering along your route. If you can shoot it you can load it on one of your horses and ride back together on the other. Winter is on its way and any extra meat helps.

You follow protocol. You're lining the deer up through the scope while she keeps watch. Just as you prepare to pull the trigger you feel it -- the pull of your gut telling you something isn't right. That feeling has kept you alive all these years so you lower the rifle and turn to Astrid just in time to see a stalker lunge out of the brush.

Its broken and jagged nails catch your shoulders and you go down hard enough to bruise. You can't hear anything over its snarls and the blood pounding in your ears but you do your fucking best. You wedge your forearm under its chin and try like hell to keep its mouth away from you. Your other hand somehow makes it to your belt and unsheathes your hunting knife and in one swift movement, you shove it into the soft jaw of the infected. Hot blood spurts over your face and you keep your mouth closed, shoving the corpse off you.

A gunshot has you whirling around and scooping up the rifle. You've got it ready to fire but you only find Astrid standing over a stalker corpse of her own, forehead bleeding and revolver smoking.

"You clean?" you ask her, eyes on her forehead. She nods.

"Shoved me into some thorns. You?"

"Yeah. Can we go home now?"

Your hands don't shake until you get back to Jackson. They tremble when you wash the blood from your face, your hair. You wish for just a second that you had someone to hold them, someone to tell you it's alright. Someone to talk to about how shitty your day was and how scared you were and how sometimes this life is so fucking exhausting and just when you think you're safe you're reminded that no one is safe anymore.

Maybe this is the kind of thing Joel was talking about. Asking for help.

The thought fades quickly. You can deal with this. You're just out of practice. You just got comfortable.

You go to bed as early as you can bear, closing your eyes and hoping for dreamless sleep.

You could only be so lucky.

You're no stranger to nightmares. Hell, who isn't? Usually, it's the same old shit -- people you've lost, fucked up things you've done, horrors you've seen. You know how to deal with it.

But this is the first time in a while you've got new nightmare fuel. The hot, rancid breath of the stalker and the agonizing sound of its moans. Your own choked gasps as you try with all of your strength to keep its rotting teeth away from you. Unlike reality, your dreams don't allow you to grab a hold of your knife and instead, you feel it take a chunk out of your neck, hot blood splattering your face and you have to just lie there as it bites and bites and bites --

You jolt upright with a small gasp. Necessity has taught you to wake silently.

"Fuck," you say to the empty room. No way you're going back to sleep after that. You swing your legs over the side of your bed and put your head in your hands. "Breathe. Breathe."

The sky is black through your windows. You have no idea what time it is but you stand before the lingering panic can take hold and make things worse. Fresh air will get the iron smell out of your nose. You dress in the dark in more layers than necessary but you want to stop shaking.

Jackson at night is quiet but there are always a few people around, always someone else who can't sleep. The sky is clear and the moon is bright and it smells like woodsmoke and the unique earthy feel of the valley. This is your home. So long as you have this you can get through it.

Your feet take you through the streets of houses, most of the windows dark. Just another lap around town and then you'll go home, try to sleep again.

Then you hear something. The gentle strum of an acoustic guitar weaving with the night air like a dream. A song from before, a song you recognize but don't know the name of, don't know the words. You wrap your arms around yourself and follow the sound down Rancher Street. If you find whoever is playing it you'll wave and walk slowly home.

Your breath catches in your throat when you see whose house it is. Joel is on the porch, rocking slowly and head leaning back, eyes closed as he strums. How did you not know he played guitar? It only makes sense that the hands that are capable of such violence can also make something beautiful. He can ruffle Ellie's hair and pull the trigger and fix your doors and do this.

Something in your chest tightens.

Joel's eyes open and land on you immediately. You realize how it looks -- you standing in front of his house in the middle of the night, watching him. But he stops his playing and calls out your name.

"Hey, you alright?" he says. You hover between taking a step forward and a step back.

"Couldn't sleep."

He shakes his head. "Can't hear ya," he says. "C'mere."

Step forward it is. Up the stairs and onto the porch that creaks a little under your boots. There's only one chair and a small table with a lantern on it. Wind chimes dangle over the railing and you drag your hand through them on instinct like a child with a toy.

"Sorry," you say softly.

"Only got one chair," Joel says. He's got one boot resting on his knee, guitar slung across his lap. He looks tired. "I'll go get another --"

You wave him off. "No, please," you say. "I'll stand. I'm too antsy to sit, anyway." If you sit down in a chair next to Joel Miller you might never get up.

He frowns but settles back into his seat. "You alright?" he asks again.

His gaze is a little too much. You feel silly all of a sudden, not sure how you got here. A fucking nightmare? God, you're ridiculous. You cross your arms and lean back on the railing and look anywhere but him.

"Couldn't sleep." Joel hums.

"Heard that one before."

He strums some more and you relax again despite yourself. "Sounds nice. Do you play a lot?"

"Sometimes," he says. "Old habit."

"It's a nice one. Better than walking the streets in the dark." Your tone is harsher than you mean it to be and Joel frowns.

"It's safe to," he says, as though your wellbeing is his personal concern. "Bit cold, though."

"Why are you out here then?" You're frustrated with yourself and taking it out on him just a little bit. The smell of blood fills your nostrils again and you press your fingertips into your crossed arms, hard, and close your eyes. Your breath stutters in your chest.

"Nightmares," Joel says wryly. There's some shifting, the scrape of wood on wood and you open your eyes. His are fixated on your fingers and you stop squeezing. The guitar is now leaning up against the house and he's got his elbows on his knees like he's about to ask you a serious question. The lantern light makes his hair look darker, less silver, but it also makes the lines on his face look deeper. You wonder what kind of shit he's seen. What things he has nightmares about.

"Had this conversation with Ellie a million times," he huffs, rubs his hand through his beard in what you now consider a familiar gesture. "You don't need to talk if you don't want to. But can't hurt."

Is he asking you to talk about your nightmare? Does he actually want to know? Do you know how to talk about it?

"I take it you're a fountain of emotional sharing, huh?" Again, the misplaced frustration. You don't know how to turn it off.

His eyes flash but he just leans back in his chair and shrugs. "Depends on the day."

The low-level hum of your infatuation with him flares and your traitorous brain bats it down right away. You want to see all sides that he can offer you, want to make him frustrated and angry just to see if that'll make him sick of you.

You run your hand through the wind chimes again, watching your fingers move through the air. You remember what the knife felt like in your hand, the way the blood was hot as it dripped down your wrist and onto your face.

"Tough patrol," you say. "Messiest since I got here." Joel says nothing and you don't look at him. "I...it was fine. We got jumped by some stalkers and it was fine but...close. And I -- I didn't realize how badly I wanted to come back here until then. How badly I wanted to go home at the end of it. Does that make sense?"

You finally look up and Joel's knuckles are white on the arms of his chair. When he sees you looking he crosses his arms. "Sure," he says, clears his throat.

The urge to try to explain more is overwhelming. "I mean, we've all done fucked up shit. I've been up to my elbows in infected guts and still come out on top and slept like a rock the night after. And all of a sudden I can't fucking handle a stalker getting in my face. It's like I've never had to get my hands dirty before and what if it means I'm going to fuck up next time --"

"Hey," Joel says firmly. You feel a hand on your forearm and realize you've been pacing, arms flailing as you rambled. He gives it a squeeze and then releases you. "Feel like I gotta say fuck now to catch up with you."

A wet chuckle works its way out of you. Where did that come from? Are you about to cry? On the porch of the man you have a stupid, stupid crush on? This is embarrassing. And his touch. People touch you all the time, all things considered. A tap on patrol indicating silence, a hand on your arm to get your attention, to brace you as you lift something. Children in town who don't know the horrors outside the walls give affection freely. Hell, Joel touched your shoulder after your patrol. You're not touch starved but you feel like no one has touched you with tenderness and meant it in years.

"Sorry."

Joel tuts. "C'mon," he says. "I asked."

"I don't think I feel any better."

He stands and grunts as he does so. He's so much closer than before, so close you can smell what you can only describe as Joel: wood shavings and gunpowder, laundry soap and leather. It's a little dizzying. He leans on the railing next to you.

"Bet when you go back to bed you won't dream," he says. "Usually what happens."

"Here you are again," you sigh. "Helping me out. I promise I get on just fine on my own."

"I know," he says. His eyes are warm and so, so deep. "Don't have to, though."

Joel, for all his kindness and popularity in town, is a man just like any other. A person who has seen and done shit that no one should have to see and do. You know he's got his fair share of secrets, of things he won't talk about. You all do. You know he can be unflinching and maybe even cruel, dangerous and deadly. Whatever is happening here -- this openness, this desire of his to help you out -- is hard won. You think about what Ellie said and let yourself have a dangerous thought: maybe he's this way with you because he wants to be.

You sway into him just a little before catching yourself and standing up straight. "I should go try that dreamless sleep," you say softly. "And you should, too." It does not escape your notice that you haven't talked about Joel's nightmares, whatever they are. You don't think he'd be that open. A piece of you imagines a world where you ask and he answers.

"I might," he says. Neither of you move.

That small piece of you would stay here all night. That small piece of you tries for the next best thing.

"Will you let me cook for you now?" you ask. It sounds a little desperate to your own ears. "Please?"

"Persistent, ain't you?" He taps his closed fist on the railing once, twice. "Well, if it's that important to you. Chili, you said?"

"I can have it done by sundown tomorrow. I'm on greenhouses but we always finish early. You can come by and get it. I'll do enough for you and Ellie for a few days." You're rambling but finally he's going to let you do something for him. Hinges, nightmares, it's too much. Maybe you can somehow cook out this affection for him, get rid of it with your own hands if you try hard enough.

"Alright," Joel says. He puts his hand on your shoulder lightly and squeezes once. You feel it all the way down to your toes. "Now get outta this damn cold."

He doesn't offer to walk you home. You'd say no if he did. You need the time to sort out the mess in your mind. You give him the most earnest smile you can manage and he watches from his porch until you turn out of sight.

__

Joel is on your mind all day. More so than usual, which is saying a lot. The crush has turned into something...more. Something that makes you hope and that something is dangerous. It's just setting yourself up to be hurt through no fault of Joel's when it goes nowhere. Because why would he be thinking about you?

"You're smiley today," Dina says. She's a sweet girl and you're paired together on greenhouse shift today. She's always got a story to tell about plants she and her sister saw in New Mexico or some weird mushroom she found on group patrol. You love how positive she is and you try to absorb some.

"Am I?" you say lightly.

She tugs on one more cucumber, putting it in your shared basket before wiping her face. She gets dirt on her nose. It makes her look young. "Got big plans?"

Your face feels hot. "Just cooking for a...friend." It's the first time you've said that out loud. It's probably true, right? Acquaintance, at least. Joel is important to you and it's taken an alarmingly short amount of time for it to solidify. That's just how the world works these days -- you never know how much time you have so everything moves faster. You care harder despite years of proof that nothing good comes of it. You can't help it. You were made to leak love like an open wound.

"A friend," Dina teases. Teenagers. You remember that she's friends with Ellie and it's very possible she knows exactly what you're talking about but she's too kind to say anything more.

"Yep," you say, popping the p. "Do I have to start teasing you about Jesse or are you going to cut me some slack?"

"Well, hey," she laughs. "I think it's nice to be excited about something. You're so serious all the time."

"Am not," you mutter.

Something you appreciate about Dina is that despite her age she knows when to leave it. "Whatever you say," she says primly.

Once work is over and you're back home the cooking goes quick. You focus just enough considering you want this to actually be good and for Joel and Ellie to like it. It's thank you chili, it's you are important to me chili, it's I want to see you every day for the rest of my life chili.

Well. It's thank you at the very least.

And food, especially in this world, means something extra. There's enough to go around in Jackson, more than enough, but anyone taking the time to fix something with their own hands means more. You know how different a meal can taste when someone makes it with care.

And to say you care is a bit of an understatement.

The chili is simmering and you're about to start on the dishes when there's a knock on the door.

"Shit," you say. You wipe your hands on a towel and pad down the hall in socked feet. When you open it you find Joel bathed in the golden light of the sunset. His hands are tucked in his pockets, the collar of his coat turned up to protect his neck from the chill that's settled in for the season. His face softens at the sight of you but his shoulders are still tight. Is he...nervous? No, you're projecting.

Here he is on your doorstep again. If you're not careful you'll get used to him being there.

"Sorry for bein' a bit early," he says at the same time you say, "I was just thinking about you ."

The tension melts out of him and he smirks like a man with a secret. "That so?"

Your eyes are wide as you find your words. Hopefully ones that aren't embarrassing. "Come in," you say. "I'm letting the heat out."

He follows you to the kitchen. "Smells good," he says.

"It's not quite done yet but that's a good sign, I guess." You stir the pot before rolling up your sleeves and taking your spot in front of the sink. "Sorry it's a bit of a mess, I was about to start on this --"

"Now I know you ain't about to do all that yourself," Joel drawls. It's a syrupy tone you haven't heard from him, not really. Is he...flirting with you?

"I...what?"

"Scoot," Joel says. He steps beside you in front of the sink and gently bumps your hip with his. "Seriously."

"Joel--"

"Does it look like I'm kiddin'?"

He keeps his eyes on yours as he shrugs off his jacket, tosses it on this island, and rolls his shirtsleeves up to his elbow. You look away from him so you can watch.

"This is getting ridiculous," you tell him even as you hop up to sit on the counter closest to the sink so you can see his face. He turns on the tap and starts on the various things in the sink even though some of them are clearly not from cooking tonight. "You'll be sick of this chili before I can pay you back."

"I told you it ain't like that," he scolds. "So quit it."

There's no real bite to his tone but you do as he says all the same. You kick your feet out a few times and do your best not to stare but fail miserably. The fall sunlight seems to have followed him into your house, pinkish-golden beams falling across his face. You can see a triangle of chest at the top of his shirt, a few dark curls teasing the hair on him. The scar on the bridge of his nose is much harsher up close, much deeper than the countless other ones that dot his forehead, his temples. He doesn't look as tired today. Maybe he got some sleep after all.

So did you. You didn't dream.

"How was your day?" you ask. Joel's eyes flick up to yours for just a breath before he looks back down at his task. His mouth pulls up at the corner.

"Fine," he says. "Had to fix the water heater at Ellie's place."

A piece of hair falls in his face and you shove your palms under your thighs so you don't brush it back.

You tap his denim-clad thigh with your socked foot, almost like a compromise with yourself when it comes to touching him. "And that took all day?" Damn, are you the one flirting now?

Joel seems amused in a grumpy way. "Well, no," he says. The faucet is on so he speaks a little louder. "Did some house chores. Worked on a guitar. Took a nap."

The image of Joel sprawled out on a couch is clear as day. You bet he looks relaxed in his sleep, the lines on his face not as pronounced, his breathing steady and even.

"Busy day," you say softly. He's about to say more, lips parted to ask about your day, maybe, but you're not about to admit that you spent all day thinking about him so you keep talking before he can. "Does Ellie like living in the garage?"

"Think so," he says. "She spends a night in the house every so often but I think she likes havin' her own space. S'important to me to give her that."

This is uncharted territory. You desperately don't want to step in shit, to somehow make him bring his walls back up. Everyone is protective of the things they love in this world and for good reason and you're pretty sure there is nothing and no one Joel loves more than Ellie.

"She's a good kid," you offer. "Everyone in town loves her."

Joel smiles down at his hands, that soft, raw smile you've seen a few times when talking about her. It makes your chest ache. "She is," he admits. "Pain in my ass, too."

You want so badly to ask him the details. How did they meet? How did they get here? How did they become so devoted to one another? And what happened in the last twenty years to get him to right now, washing dishes in your kitchen?

But you haven't earned that stuff yet. Maybe you never will.

"Does she like Jackson?" You remember what he said about them settling in, sleeping in the living room with their shoes on. You imagine he kept watch for weeks, maybe months, before deciding it was safe.

He nods. "S'good for her to have friends. And havin' school is good for her. She's real smart." He clears his throat. "And you? D'you like it?"

"Well, I like it much better now that my hinges don't squeak."

Joel laughs. "I'll bet you do." He's almost done, everything from your chili-making washed and set aside to dry. He's doing your dishes from breakfast but shows no signs of stopping."Do you cook like this a lot?

Your brows furrow. "I-- no, actually," you admit. "It's just me, so. Not worth putting in the effort that often."

He turns off the tap and grabs a towel and starts to dry. You should offer to help but you feel frozen to the counter. If you get any closer to him you might snap. His jaw is tight.

"When Ellie and I --" he stops, takes a moment to focus on the bowl in his hands. Joel, you've noticed, doesn't tend to say things he doesn't mean, at least not to you. It's like he knows that every word counts in a life as unpredictable as this. "We had a bit of a rough patch last year and we didn't talk for a while. I was damn near eatin' canned veggies on days Tommy didn't drag me to the community meals." He sighs and sets the bowl on the counter ever so gently. Violence and tenderness go hand in hand with him. "Just didn't have it in myself to try cookin' if she wasn't there to eat it."

It's the most vulnerable thing he's said. He keeps doing this -- offering you pieces of himself that you want to hold close, that make you think maybe he wants you to know him.

"Joel--"

"I guess what I'm sayin' is it's easier to take care of yourself when you're also takin' care of people who matter to you. That make sense?"

"Yeah," you breathe. "It does."

The whole scene is so...domestic that your chest aches. Joel in your kitchen doing your dishes. He's helping you yet again but this feels different. It feels like he wants to be here, talking to you. It feels real.

He finishes his task and dries his hands on a faded towel. You hop down from the counter to check the chili. "Should be done," you say. "Do you want to try it? Make sure it's worth it?"

"Oh, it's worth it," he mutters. You work to keep your face neutral. What does that mean? "Sure."

You pull a spoon from the drawer and while it would make more sense to just hand it to him you don't. Instead, you dip it into the steaming liquid and hold it out for him, your other hand cupped underneath to catch any spill. Joel stares at your offering for a few seconds and you wonder if he can hear your heart beating.

Then Joel reaches out slowly like he's afraid you'll bolt if he goes too fast, and lightly wraps his hand around your wrist. It's the first time he's touched you skin to skin and you know immediately that it's a mistake.

You'll never stop wanting him now.

His palm is warm, callused fingertips pressing gently into your skin and he tugs, bringing the spoon -- and you -- closer to his mouth. Everything moves in slow motion for a few moments and it's like you are the only two people in the world. Your kitchen fades and it's just Joel. His lips part and he slides the spoon into his mouth at the same time as his thumb strokes the inside skin of your wrist.

It's very possible that you gasp a little.

He closes his eyes and you're torn between watching his face and his throat as he swallows. You could look at him forever, you think, and never get enough. The set of his brow, the hard line of his jaw. Lines around his eyes and mouth from years of terror and violence but also from laughter and smiles. You want to learn every inch of him if he'll let you.

"Christ," Joel says. His eyes fly open and find yours. "That's good. That's real good."

"You're just saying that," you say weakly. He hasn't let go of your wrist and his thumb strokes once again. You wonder if you realize he's doing it.

Something in his face changes, something so small that you only notice because you're watching. It feels like he has decided something and you wish you knew him well enough to say what. You dare to hope it has to do with you.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm a good liar but I ain't just sayin' that."

Sweetheart. It echoes in your ears, burrows its way into your chest and takes root.

You're so fucked.

But there's something in Joel's gaze, in the brush of his thumb across your skin, in the fact he's just done all of your dishes and talked to you like he wants to be here that gives your traitorous heart some ground to stand on.

You send him home with as many glass containers of chili as he'll take. He argues that you won't have enough for yourself and manages to convince you to keep a few. You don't tell him that what you really want is to sit next to him at a table and eat it, knees bumping under the wood and his smile making your empty house feel warm.

"Tell Ellie I say hi," you say once he's out your door and on the porch. "And let me know if she likes it."

"Will do," Joel says. You hug your arms around yourself against the chill. He frowns slightly.

You wonder if he'd touch you if his hands weren't full.

"And thank you for--"

He shakes his head. "Not acceptin' thanks," he chides. "Not from you."

You don't know what to say to that. Joel seems to realize he's rendered you speechless, not for the first time, and nods his head before heading home.

"See you around, Joel," you call after him. It sounds half like a question and half like a wish.

He turns. "Countin' on it."

___

You do see him around but not as much as you'd like. Things pick up around town before the seasons can change and send Wyoming into winter. You find yourself in the kitchen most days helping seal jars for the community food stores, hands chapped from the hot water and heart light when you think about Joel. He nods at you from across the dining hall, opens the door of the library when you're going in and he's coming out, and tells Ellie to tell you how good the chili was when you share a shift at the stables.

"Fucking amazing," she says.

You sleep fairly well, going to bed each night with a little bit of lightness in your heart that you allow because why not? There's no way out short of Joel telling you to fuck off and you don't think that'll happen. If only you could get over yourself a little more and actually do something about it.

As much as you want to keep telling yourself that this -- glances across rooms, smiles from a distance, memories of his hand on your skin -- is enough, you're not sure that it is. The force of your want is destabilizing considering the most that's happened is maybe a little bit of flirting. But maybe this is you taking his direction to ask for...no help, not exactly, but to ask for something. To ask for him.

Today you're going on patrol. You decide as you mount your horse that you're going to ask Joel if he wants to get a drink when you get back. You want to talk to him again, let him under your skin a little more. Maybe tell him some things about yourself. Sometimes he's milling around the gate or on wall duty but you don't see him as you and your partner -- a fairly new kid in his twenties -- take your rifles and head out. You're on an easy route today, just clearing out the town over the hill and the highway exits near Jackson. Shouldn't take you more than a few hours.

It goes to shit fairly quickly.

The kid -- Conner? Charlie? You can't remember -- is rambling about the infected he's killed for some reason when you realize something isn't quite right. You can't hear any birds. Apollo snorts and it sounds panicked. You motion for the kid to stop talking but he either ignores you or doesn't see.

He sure shuts up when the clicker bursts out of a house to your left. Apollo startles and rears at the moment you reach for your gun and you can't grab hold in time.

You go flying, bouncing off a rusted-out car and landing hard on the broken pavement of the street with a popping sound. There is a pain in your shoulder so intense your vision whites out. The kid is shouting, the clicker is making that awful sound, but then you hear two gunshots and nothing else.

"Holy fuck," he says, rushing over to you. "Fuck, are you okay?"

Well, for a talker, this kid a good shot.

"Get the -- horse --" You roll onto your back with a groan and he grabs Apollo and settles him.

"What happened?"

You stare up at the sky, blue turning purple. It'll be sunset soon and you very well might be fucked if this is what you think it is.

"I think my shoulder popped out," you say through gritted teeth. Your head doesn't hurt like you smacked it and your side is only a little sore. Maybe some bruised ribs. Your hands are scraped, blood beading on the heels of your palms. "Help me up."

"Holy shit." He helps you sit up and then stand, your left arm hanging limp at your side. You hiss through your teeth as it gets jostled and lean heavily on the car. "You don't look so good," he says. "Can you ride? We should only be a half hour out of town."

"I...don't think so." You're pretty sure you'll pass out from the pain and this kid doesn't look like he can handle that. You don't want to fuck up the joint any more than you have to. "You're going to have to go back and bring someone to set it for me, okay?"

"But the rules say --"

"I know what the fucking rules say," you snap. Don't let your partner out of your sight. Your shoulder is throbbing and you might cry but not until this kid is on his way back to town. "That's why you're going to go as fast as you can, alright?"

"We should at least clear a building first so you can --"

"No time," you say, looking at the sky. "If we want to be back before nightfall you need to go now. I'll handle myself."

You really should know his name. He sets his jaw in a move that reminds you of Joel which causes a pang in your chest so intense you want to rub it away. "I'll clear that garage, okay?" He points behind you and before you can stop him he runs towards it with his gun out.

Lucky for both of you it's clear. You take Apollo inside and slump against the wall, pistol in your hand. The kid closes the garage door behind him and you hear the clop of his horse as he gallops away.

"Fuck," you say into the empty room. It's dusty and full of cobwebs and not much else. Empty metal shelves, a rusted-out lawn mower, some tarps so ratted they're useless. Apollo snorts. "Not your fault, buddy."

Death has been nipping at your heels for twenty years now. You've always expected it. And you're fairly certain you won't die out here. Maybe end up spending a night on this floor, having to walk yourself back to Jackson tomorrow morning. But you can't help the fear that rises in your throat. You know how an injury like this means so much more in this world. You won't be able to work for weeks. You won't be able to patrol, to pull your weight.

You're going to need a lot of help.

You close your eyes against the stinging tears and thud your head against the wall.

The pain dulls the embarrassment you feel when you catch yourself thinking of Joel. You wish he was here. If you'd been on patrol together this wouldn't have happened. You wonder what he's going to think of this.

What you'd really like is for him to hold you and tell you it'll be alright.

A few tears slip down your nose. Apollo noses at your knee.

There are no windows so you don't know how much time has passed. You start to question if this was the right call. Maybe you could have made it back on horseback, or at the very least slung across the back of Apollo like a sack of flour, arm be damned.

Your traitorous brain is about to remind you of all the things that go bump in the night out here when you hear something. 

Someone is calling your name. Yelling it.

"Here!" you scream. Apollo whinnies. "I'm here!" You have no idea if they can hear you. You press your good shoulder into the wall behind you and try to push yourself to your feet but just as you do the garage door is hauled open and there stands --

Joel.

A sob bursts from your throat and you will yourself to pull it together. Behind him the sky is much more orange than it was when you first sat down.

Joel's eyes look you up and down once before cataloging the space and locking on some milk crates. He stacks two of them.

"Sit," he says. His voice is tight.

"Joel --"

"Sit."

You do as he says. He kneels at your feet and rummages around in his bag. His horse stands munching on some overgrown grass on the driveway. Did he come alone?

"How are you here --"

Joel cuts you off with a glare. His eyes are blazing, jaw grinding as he holds out a length of bandage.

"Hold this." He stands and his knees crack. "Kid said it's your shoulder. Anything else?"

The throb is still deep, still intense, but his arrival almost made you forget all about it. You shake your head.

"Didn't hit your head? Crack ribs? Nothin' like that?"

"No, I don't think so --"

"Need you to sit up straight," he says. There's no warmth in his tone but it's a little softer now that he's taken stock of the situation. "I ain't gonna lie to you, this is going to hurt like hell." He digs in his pocket for something and pulls out a square of leather. "Need you to bite down on this."

He squats so that you're just about face to face and holds out the leather. It feels like being in your kitchen, you holding out the spoon and fighting your desire to touch him. Except this time he won't look you in the eye. You open your mouth and he gently places it between your teeth, thumb catching the corner of your lips and trailing along the edge of your chin before he pulls away and stands up.

"I'm going to reset it on three, alright? Bite down hard on that." He finally meets your gaze and you nod and close your eyes. He puts one hand on your shoulder and the other on your wrist and you wince even though you feel incredibly safe in his hands. "Alright. One...two --"

Joel jerks your arm up and around before he hits three and you barely hear it pop back into place because, as he said, it hurts like hell. You bite down hard on the leather which also serves to muffle your scream.

Someone is talking to you."I know, baby, I know. Good job, you did a good job."

You open your eyes and wipe away a few tears with one hand and pull the leather from your teeth. Joel looks pained but his face snaps back to neutral when he sees you watching. His eyes narrow.

"Where did that come from?" He gently grabs your wrist and looks at your palm and you both find it bloody. "Got it on your face."

"Scraped my hands when I fell," you say hoarsely. He clicks his tongue.

"Give me that bandage." You don't even get a chance to hand it to him because he plucks it from your lap. "Gonna make this into a sling for this arm. Try not to move it much. Then we'll clean those hands and head home. Get you to the clinic for some meds." He gently positions your arm, which hurts a lot less than before but is still throbbing, and ties a sling so it's bent close to your chest. You can feel his breath on your neck as he does the knot.

And then he's back crouching in front of you.

Joel Miller on his knees for you so many times in one day makes you a little dizzy. Or maybe that's the adrenaline.

"Are you angry with me?" you ask softly as he wipes clean your palms and cheek with firm touches. The muscle in his jaw twitches again and his hands freeze for a split second.

"No," he says. "I ain't mad at you. I just can't believe the fuckin' kid left you here."

"I told him to."

"Can't believe that either. You know better."

"It's fine, Joel," you say. "It doesn't matter. I would have just walked back in the morning if no one came --"

He pulls his hands away and tosses the rag to the floor. "Damnit, it does matter," he curses. "'Course it fuckin' matters. Cut that shit out."

Now you're confused. It sure seems like he's angry with you. "Joel, I don't understand --"

His hands cradle your face and the protest dies in your throat. "You matter to me," he says thickly. His eyes are wide but his stare is steady. "Ain't it fuckin' obvious?" Anger and desperation are dripping from his words. "It matters."

For one long second you think he's going to kiss you. Now that might kill you.

You wrap one hand around his wrist and lean into his palm. A thousand thoughts swirl in your head but you focus on one. Joel is here which means you're safe. Joel is here which means he's going to take care of you. Joel is here. Joel is here. Joel is here.

"Oh," you breathe. You turn your face in his palm and press your lips to the center of it. His breath hitches and it feels like something big between you shifts, slots into place. "Okay," you say against his skin.

He pulls his hands away and stands. He works his jaw a few times before shouldering his pack and holding out his hand. "Let's go home," he says.

You stand with his help. "I think you'll need to help me get on my horse."

"Not a fuckin' chance," he growls but you can still see tenderness in his eyes. "Can't hold on well enough with one arm. We're ridin' together."

This Joel is one you haven't seen. But this is what you wanted, right? You want to see every part of him. Something molten and heavy sits in your stomach at how tense he is, how his hands remain gentle despite his harsh words. How he just told you that you matter to him. Maybe this is all a dream.

He helps you on his horse and then gets on behind you, tying Apollo's reigns to his so you won't lose him. He wraps one arm right around your stomach, mindful of your arm.

"Ain't gonna be comfortable," he says in your ear. "But it'll be over quick."

You lean back into him. Hell, it's all on the table now. If your arm is going to hurt you might as well enjoy your time pressed against him.

"Oh, I don't know," you say. "This isn't so bad." He snorts and snaps the reigns.

He talks low and steady in your ears as you gallop, his palm firm on your abdomen to keep you as still as possible though it's a hopeless venture. Your shoulder aches, sends sharp tendrils of pain through your entire arm with every stride.

He tells you that he was on the wall when your partner came back alone. That he knew something was wrong with you as soon as the kid came into view. He'd seen the patrol assignments and knew you were paired together. Kid didn't know what flag to use to signal his approach because you're not supposed to leave behind your partner.

Joel tells you how he hopped down from the wall and asked the kid where exactly he left you. Demanded to know how hurt you were, if you'd been bit. He was on a horse before anyone else could get their shit together, told them to get Tommy and have the clinic ready for you. Started hollering your name as soon as he got to the street, rifle ready for any infected to show up.

"Damn miracle when you yelled back," he says just as Jackson comes into view. You're sweating and dizzy from the pain, practically all of your weight slumped back into his chest. "Almost there, sweetheart. Doin' real good."

The rest of it is a blur. Joel takes you to the clinic where he becomes increasingly agitated that he set your shoulder wrong until one of the staff says he did it just fine. They give you a real sling and one painkiller to take if you hurt really bad, despite some harsh words from Joel in an attempt to get you more.

"Don't move it above your head for two weeks. Keep the sling on for that time, too. Ice it today, start moving it back and forth a few times in a few days. You got someone to help you for a bit?"

Before you can open her mouth Joel answer for you.

"Yes." The nurse hides her amusement well. She lets you go. Joel keeps his hand on your back as he walks you to your house.

You stop him when you get to your front door. "Joel --"

"If you're about to argue with me, so help me God, I'll --"

"I was going to ask if you need to go check on Ellie." You pull out your keys and after a second hold them out for him. Maybe letting Joel help you is helping him, too. You can handle that. You think.

"Told Tommy to when I left. I'll go home once we get you settled."

We.

"Okay," you say softly. He unlocks the door and motions for you to go in. You sit gingerly on the couch and Joel brings you a glass of water.

And then he paces. He looks at the books on your shelf without seeing them and rubs his thumb against his first two fingers over and over. And all of a sudden he won't look at you.

"Joel, sit down or something," you grumble. "You're making me nervous."

He stops. "Fine." His tone has a bit of bite to it that makes you close your eyes. There's an armchair in the room but he sits next to you instead. He presses his knee to yours, almost in apology.

The adrenaline has faded by now and all you feel is the ache of your shoulder and ribs and rawness of your palms and heart. The shoulder hurts like hell but in a way all of this hurts deeper, harder than that. In the way you know love, or the beginning of it, can hurt.

You sniffle.

Truth is you're overwhelmed. By what happened, by Joel coming to get you and saying all that shit. By him touching you, by him being here, by your own heart beating so quickly at his nearness. Even though you dared hope he felt something close to your affection for him it's a shock to realize he cares about you because you're you, not just because he's a good man. You've always wanted love that came from a place of purpose, which feels selfish on the best of days. You should just accept whatever kindness comes your way in this cruel world.

But, fuck, you've always wanted to feel chosen. Like you matter.

And you do. Right here, you do. From his own lips he's said you do.

You don't even realize you're crying until Joel curses softly and one wide, warm palm is on your face again.

"What's wrong? You hurtin'?" His thumb swipes at your tears. "Talk to me."

"I'm fine." You press your face into his shoulder and he holds you, hand soft on the back of your head. "I'm just -- I'm just really glad you're here, Joel."

"Course I'm here," he says into your hair. "C'mere."

There's nowhere for you to go considering you're already pressed against him. But his arms come around you fully, mindful of your shoulder, and your fingers fist in his shirt.

You should be embarrassed. On the scale of fucked up shit that's happened to you, today is remarkably low. But you let yourself have this. You breathe him in and let him hold you.

"I was going to ask you to get a drink tonight," you mumble. His chest vibrates with laughter.

"That so?" he says. His hand rubs up and down your spine. "Reckon I'd say yes."

You pull back just enough to see his face. This close you can see how his eyes have a bit of gold in them. "Really?" Even with proof of his affection right in front of you it's a little hard to believe.

"Am I readin' this wrong?" he asks. "It's okay if I am--"

"No," you say quickly. "No, you're not."

"Thought so." His lips pull up at the corner just a bit. "But, still. You've had a real rough day, and --"

"Joel," you breathe. You free your good arm from your embrace and put your hand on his jaw. He's touched you plenty today and you want to give it a try yourself. His face is warm, his beard gently rubbing against your skin. His eyes flutter close for a breath before he opens them wide and leans into your hand just a little.

"Alright," he says softly. Then he says your name, just once, ever so tenderly. It sounds like a prayer.

Joel Miller kisses you in the middle of your living room. Despite the affection you've been nursing for him over the last little while you never allowed yourself to imagine what it would be like to kiss him.

It's like this: the first press of his lips is soft like he thinks you'll pull away. When you don't he takes your lower lip between his and presses a little harder. Your hand slides into his hair and he palms your hip with one of his and cups your face with the other. His tongue traces the seam of your lips and you open for him, let him lick into your mouth. You sigh into it and tug on his hair just a little. Joel makes a sound deep in his throat and then pulls away.

You're both breathing heavier than before, both smiling. Joel presses his lips to your forehead, your temple. He holds you against him and you breathe against the skin of his neck.

"Will you let me take care of you?" he says into your hair.

"For my sake or yours?"

You think he'll laugh but he just breathes. "Both," he says. "Hell, you know what's goin' on here. I showed my hand. Been showin' it." He pulls away so you can see the honesty in his face. "I told you in as many damn words as I know how."

He did. He did and you make yourself believe it. Love in this life is worth holding on with both hands. Whatever this is, whatever this is going to become, you want it. You want to let this man continue to teach you to ask for help. You want to learn from him, maybe teach him a few things of your own.

You want to love him. You think you could sooner rather than later.

You trace the line of his brow, run your fingertip over the scar on the bridge of his nose.

"Can you kiss me again?" you ask.

"What a fuckin' question," he says. "C'mere."

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, general masterlist here!

[headspace-hotel]

There's a plentiful supply of nature and ecology writers that criticize "Anthropocentrism" and tell readers that we shouldn't consider ourselves more important than other life forms, and then they write things that are like "We evolved to live in Nature in a Natural environment...Long ago humans lived as hunter-gatherers instead of farming and domesticating animals...But when civilization was created, man unnaturally subjugated and modified plants and animals...Bringing them under human control for his own benefit...Man replaces natural ecosystems with artificially created "post-natural" environments...Now humans live in an unnatural environment that is separated from Nature...and i'm like buddy. do you even hear yourself

Since I have access to a bigger library now, I've explored "deep ecology" and "green anarchism" and "Biocentrism" a bit more and what i've seen is still kinda silly. The writers have very thoughtful theory and philosophy of diverse subjects relating to morality, society, power, and liberation, but...they just don't know very much about Nature.

I mean several things by that: first, they're not clear on the boring, practical details of things like food systems and the way construction alters ecosystems, second, they don't try to clearly define what "nature" is, and third, they act like "nature" has a clear definition anyway.

Now nature is pretty much undefinable anyway, a couple possible definitions are "all things that exist, have existed, or are possible in the universe" and "the thing that a forest has that a parking lot doesn't." You can say "biodiversity," but every space has biodiversity, and it's not clear how much biodiversity a space is "supposed" to have, we're just going on vibes. And the vibes are right, in a way; I visited an old-growth forest and it was DIFFERENT than any place i'd ever been in a way that is hard to describe. A flourishing, biodiverse ecosystem is different than a parking lot, a lawn, a monoculture field of corn. They say it's good for your health to be "in nature." What does that mean? At what point does a place become "nature?" How many trees does it have to have?

Something that is so painful to me is when people write "Human activities" as a cause of biodiversity loss. This is an act of cowardice. WHICH human activities? Name them.

A lot of nature and ecology writings treat humans like they have an anti-biodiversity force field that emanates from them. They write like lands on Earth are each contested between two inversely proportional forces, "Nature" and "Humans."

Without any more information, this is ethereal bullshit on par with crystals having energies. I am totally perplexed at the lack of curiosity about the specific causes and details of "human impacts." The division of habitats by so many roads and relentless speeding of cars with no way for wildlife to cross...the dumping of massive amounts of poison into soils and water...the wounding and disturbance of topsoil...these are the "human activities," but we can imagine a world without such destruction, and we can create that world.

Too many essays and papers talking about Nature non-specifically, an Idea of Nature, a Concept that everyone just intuitively knows. Nature is...you know...wildness! and trees! and...well, you know, NATURE!

And we do know! When we step out into the parking lot surrounded by low, squarish buildings and blaring signs and the stink of car exhaust, we know that something is very wrong with this place! Even we find these horrible un-places harsh and unwelcoming.

But it is very hard to imagine something different, because the other type of place, the place that is beautiful and soothes the spirit and is full of life, is by definition the place where humans only go to visit, the complete opposite and inverse of a place where humans work and live! Wherever humans live, shop, eat, fulfill their daily needs, that place is Not Nature.

The huge mistake, is that we believe that it is necessary to have places that are Not Nature. We believe that for humans to exist, areas must be set aside where the very concept of Nature is utterly obliterated.

From this imaginary and dismal point of view, we have to carefully confine our own lives to places that are utterly poisoned, sterilized, made into a hostile wasteland, and leave all the rest of the living biosphere to itself in pristine preserves.

And in this imaginary and dismal point of view, the one that divides Earth into Nature and Humans, it is okay to poison and to sterilize and to destroy, because humans must live SOMEWHERE, therefore Nature must be utterly excluded from at least SOME of Earth.

BUT...WHAT IF EVERYWHERE IS NATURE? What if the dandelions in the cracks of the pavement, the lichens growing on the park bench, the wildflowers on the side of the road, the sparrows in the parking lot—what if they are all Nature just as much as anything else? What if they too are sacred? What if it is our responsibility to see the connectedness of all life and to care for all ecosystems, however broken and hurt they may be?

What if Nature is not distant and abstract, untouched in some pristine place, but always reaching out, digging into the crumbled concrete and gravel and compacted ground, clawing to return to us and bring us back home?

It does not take away from the value of the old-growth forest or the unplowed prairie if we open our eyes and see even the scraggliest patch of overgrown weeds for the powerful manifestation of Nature it truly is.

Nature is not a place or a thing. Nature is the Movement, the Endless Happening, constantly alive throughout all life, the way of all things being family, the way of all things taking care of each other, the way of all life being constantly transformed through one another. You breathe the breath of the trees of your home, you drink the water of the streams of your home, you eat the sunlight that falls on your home, grown in the soil where all things go to be transformed through death into a new form of life, fed by the mycorrhizal network, pollinated by the bees, wasps, flies, and moths, nourished by the bone, blood and manure of beasts, and ultimately the fertile river valleys where agriculture first began, were replenished by the rich silt that washed down the river, which came from the forests in the mountains that shed their leaves to make a feast for a million decomposing critters, which is how the rich soil is made.

In this way they all take care of you, and in return you are asked to Live—to take care of them in return, to live as part of the great family of everything alive, to live, to live

What are human activities...? Deforestation? Mining? Spraying pesticides? Building housing developments? But is that all? Are we inherently a "bad" and "destructive" species, or is our ability to acquire and pass down knowledge, use tools and novel behaviors, alter our surroundings, shape ecosystems, adapt our lifestyles almost infinitely, and persist in almost any environment, simply incredibly powerful for good or for evil?

First of all, what better way to demonstrate a contrast to anthropocentrism...than to compare the impact of humans alone to the impact of an ENTIRE KINGDOM OF LIFE, the fungi????? Of course all of Fungi are more important than one single species??? Wtf?!?!?

But also, we should not convince ourselves of our own insignificance and worthlessness to the biosphere, because in the same way that individual self-loathing can be a way to avoid the hard work of loving oneself and advocating for the love one deserves, collective self-loathing as a species is a way of avoiding the responsibility we have to other life forms.

How can this author not think of a single role Humans play in the ecosystem?? What species plants trees, saves seeds, documents rare plants, rescues injured animals and heals them, raises orphaned chicks, manages controlled burns, digs ponds, thoughtfully harvests in anticipation of future seasons, mercifully culls in understanding of suffering that cannot be fixed? What species writes a new chapter in the genome of the American Chestnut so it can be saved from extinction? What species mends the broken kakapo egg with sticky tape? What species addresses their own habitat with that fondest name of Home?

[astonmartinii]

loving on a sunday | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x reader

y/n and lando, the grid and an honest attempt at a sunday roast

masterlist if you want to leave a tip x

yourusername

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 601,239 others

yourusername: warning !! do not own a nice country house and farm because you will get lumped with the annual post season grid dinner, SEB PLEASE COME BACK I CAN"T TAKE THIS RESPONSIBILITY @landonorris what are you going to do when they find out you can't cook?

view all comments

user1: learning that lando can't cook is the least surprising thing in the entire world

user2: i'm sorry post season grid dinner? brb just going to cry my eyes out why haven't we heard of this before

user3: for my mental health i need photographic evidence asap

landonorris: way to bait me out in front of the whole world, thanks babe

yourusername: i'm sorry but if this crashes and burns i need people to know that it was your fault (because it defo would be)

landonorris: where is the faith? you back me to win every race but won't back me to make some roast potatoes :(

yourusername: babe when i was sick you burnt the soup so bad we had to throw the pan out

landonorris: I TRIED I WAS STRESSED YOU WERE SICK

yourusername: awwww babe, but it was le crueset and literally cost more than my life

sebastianvettel: it's been an honour to host it but i know you and lando will do great, send me all the photos !

yourusername: thank you seb, please come visit the farm at some point xx

landonorris: see i knew seb would have faith in me thanks mate

user4: lando's gf being a farm girl makes so much sense but also no sense what so ever

yourusername: tis the south west babe it's either banksy or farmers and nothing in between

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, yourusername and 1,023,677 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: should be peeling potatoes right now she's too pretty

view all comments

user10: oh to be a kitty cat being cuddled by y/n

yourusername: you're such a smooth talker babe but those potatoes won't peel themselves

landonorris: my years of being teammates with carlos has come in clutch

yourusername: you still suck at flirting i just love you so i still swoon, any other person would probably laugh in your face

landonorris: gonna ignore the insult and focus on the fact that you love me

user11: i swear every time i see y/n she's with another animal i've never seen before

yourusername: my farm is a safe haven for any animal, if they find themselves there they'll leave with a full tummy and a good load of cuddles

maxverstappen1: if lando is on potato duty does this mean we won't get them? they're my favourite part of a roast y/n PLEASE STEP IN

landonorris: oh wow i see how it is

maxverstappen1: i'm dutch i'm so serious about my potatoes

landonorris: i also don't fuck around about roast potatoes HAVE FAITH

user12: can we start a petition for lando to stream this? like at least the cooking portion

yourusername: watching my nervous breakdown live would not be ethical

landonorris: it's true she threw a carrot at my head the first time she cooked for my family

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, estebanocon and 590,455 others

tagged: yourusername, landonorris

oscarpiastri: officially a farm boy for the week (also known as third wheeling for seven days)

view all comments

user15: omg oscar went early? my mclaren heart is so full

yourusername: so so happy to have you here osc!! though you're not any more trustworthy in the kitchen

oscarpiastri: i'd defend myself but we've all seen me fail to boil an egg

yourusername: you tried your best !! but you've mastered the english tea which is a massive asset

oscarpiastri: i think i'd lose my seat if i couldn't make a cup of tea

user16: obsessed with y/n dragging everyone for being menaces in the kitchen

user17: love how oscar was like: post lando? no. post ducks? yes.

landonorris: mate you asked to come early don't complain about third wheeling now

oscarpiastri: i know i asked to come early but if y'all could lay off the soft porn for two seconds would be appreciated

landonorris: don't pretend you don't enjoy it mate ;)

yourusername: lando don't be mean :(

landonorris: i'm sorry oscar, i'm sure you don't enjoy watching us be happy

oscarpiastri: thanks i guess?

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, landonorris and 1,034,560 others

charles_leclerc: sad to announce i've been banned from the kitchen:( even banned from making drinks as well

view all comments

user18: this is defo the banning i agree with, we all saw the vlog with the pesto pasta

user19: tbf i've come to the conclusion the one person y/n would let into the kitchen is seb

yourusername: you're not wrong

user20: i need a chick in my dungarees right now

yourusername: why are you complaining about a free pass to sit on the couch and have someone else cook for you?

charles_leclerc: well when you put it like that ....

landonorris: let me revoke all of my previous complaints

yourusername: you know i like to treat you baby

charles_leclerc: why thank you y/n but that's an inappropriate thing to say while in a relationship

yourusername: it was in reply to lando's comment charles 😭

landonorris: guy forgot he could read for a second

charles_leclerc: MY BAD

user21: i know charles didn't come to a farm in all white

yourusername: i regret to inform you he did (it's all designer as well)

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 702,340 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername: sunday roasts are my love language, so happy to host the grid dinner with the love of my life

view all comments

user23: at first i thought she was being a bit too serious about this but that roast looks like it BANGS

user24: legit i need one asap

georgerussell63: carmen wants the recipe please and thank you

yourusername: bring her to the farm next time we're free and i'll teach her in person

carmenmundt: thank you darling

yourusername: anything for you

landonorris: ummm what about the guy you called the love of your life in the caption?

yourusername: i love you but i've tried to teach you to cook way too many times

user25: i'm sorry lando is so sexy

user26: forget lando, every pic i've seen of this house is the sexiest thing in the world

carlossainz55: thank you for hosting y/n and lando!! i had a great time see you on new years

yourusername: no worries chilli

maxverstappen1: the roast was the best thing i've ever eaten, i'll only dock points because i had to top and tail with daniel

yourusername: i didn't see you complain when i walked in on you guys cuddling

danielricciardo: you told me you loved it :(

maxverstappen1: i did !!! i enjoyed all of it, especially the roast though

landonorris: second to a roast @danielricciardo that's tough

landonorris

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 1,208,943 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: so honoured to host the grid dinner and take over from such an inspiration in seb!! but mostly thanks to y/n for hosting at her farm and putting together an amazing dinner and weekend - also thanks for not killing the grid, i defo would have

view all comments

user27: i would've given a kidney to be there for real

lewishamilton: thank you for having us and for the sick nut roast

yourusername: we love you and roscoe !! and vegans are always welcome on my farm

user28: ROSCOE WENT?

yukitsunoda0511: thank you y/n i no longer think that english food is an abomination

yourusername: wow thank you yuki, i knew it would be hard when your only exposure was ... milton keynes

landonorris: wow my girlfriend is a miracle worker, and you're welcome yuki san we loved having you

user29: watching lando go from rookie to hosting the grid dinner, i'm soft

oscarpiastri: i love it here i'm sorry you're not getting rid of me

yourusername: no worries osc, you can stay as long as you want

landonorris: no complaining about third wheeling though, you're basically our child now

user30: experienced racer and rookie teammate friendships are so special to ME

danielricciardo: glad i managed to get my seat back just for this roast tbf

landonorris: not cause you missed me?

danielricciardo: eh i guess so

yourusername: just let me know when you're in england and you can come over for another

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

Based on this post

Arthur when Merlin gets home from work: *runs up and hugs him without saying anything about it*

Merlin: *immediately drops everything in his hands and hugs back, not letting go and giving one of the best hugs of his life because it’s Arthur and he’s spent 1500 years loving him*

Arthur, after five or more minutes of bear hugging the man he’s in love with: (mutters) no homo.

Merlin, the immortal: *dies*

Merlin: *pulls away and pats Arthur’s shoulder in the most awkward “buddy” kind of way before walking into their flat and locking himself in his room to have an existential crisis/gay panic*

Things are awkward as hell, until Arthur asks Merlin if he can finally show him movies. Merlin goes to get his laptop and opens Google to find Netflix, seeing recent searches.

Merlin: Arthur?

Arthur: huh?

Merlin, dealing with what he can: why did you want to buy an archive?

Arthur: …is this magic? How-

Merlin: no, just technology again. You had search history on. I can um… see everything you’ve researched.

Arthur: everything..?

Merlin: everything…

Arthur: what did you say about um… oh right. Fuck.

Merlin: *smiles and pulls Arthur into a hug*

Arthur: Merlin? I- I thought…

Merlin: you are the most important thing in every universe, world, and realm to me, Arthur. 1500 years didn’t change that, and whatever comes next for us certainly won’t change it either. If there’s ever anything that you want to tell me, then I’ll be right here.

Arthur: *hugs back and hides his face, teary eyed, in Merlin’s neck*

Arthur, murmuring against Merlin’s neck: I’m bisexual.

Merlin: Thank you for telling me,

Arthur: And I’m in love with you.

Merlin, teary eyed and beaming: I love you too, Arthur. More than anything.

Arthur: Not in a no homo kind of way. In a, I’d marry you if I could kind of way…

Merlin: *laughs a little* I think you’ve got something else to research,

Arthur: what?

Merlin: *pulls the laptop to himself and types something before turning it around to Arthur*

Can I marry my best friend? (After I take him out on a date)

(He did that thing where you search one thing then type something else into the search bar without pressing go)

Arthur reads how its legal for men to get married then looks up at Merlin, he jumps on him and tackles him into a hug, laughing and crying happily. They watch heart stopper and Arthur starts playing rugby, they get a dog, date for three months before Arthur asks Merlin to marry him randomly one evening.

Merlin says yes, of course, so two days later when he gets in from work, Arthur hugs him, covers his eyes and leads him into their living room where he set up a full romance novel style proposal. He gets down on one knee with a really nice ring and gives a whole speech. (my aro ass can’t imagine what, but you know what I mean. It’s super cute and romantic)

Merlin says yes again and they get married soon after and live on a farm before both dying of old age after a long and happy life together.

Merlin spends the rest of their lives teasing Arthur about the “no homo” after their first hug thing.

Merlin also teaches Arthur about clearing search history and incognito, Arthur uses it exclusively for surprising Merlin because they’ve got no need for any secrets between them in this lifetime.

[urrockstar-xe]

winter formal - p.parker x fem!reader

aka a starstruck christmas

posted jan 2nd, 2024 8:55pm

this is specifically for @heywardsarchive who said i should make a part 2 so thank u pals :D

this is also fairly late, happy new year, thanks for being here.

summary; although reader misses hanging around her special spider friend, her crush on a certain peter parker boy has her distracted use of Y/n

starstruck does not need to be read first to enjoy this!

starstruck

masterlist

wordcount: 2.1

It had been a few weeks since you had seen that familiar spider up close, nothing more than him swinging from afar, not that you should’ve been complaining. All of your time was being taken up by studying and then getting tutored by that Midtown High kid, Peter Parker. He was a lot cooler than you had expected but the fact all you did when hanging out was math really tainted the image of him in your head.

no matter how pretty he was.

Although with the holidays, more crime typically followed Santa around the globe so you weren’t exactly surprised how Spidey was extra busy this time of year.

Yet you still sighed in disappointment when you got home and once again met a note on your windowsill. 

”Hey, pretty lady, stopped by but you weren’t in :( can’t wait til you’re done with your tutoring sessions” 

The note was short but still, it brought a stupid little smile to your face, pulling out the notebook from your backpack, you wrote a note of your own.

”miss you spidey”

you set it on the outside of your window, setting a small rock from your desk on top so that it wouldn’t run away in the wind before quickly shutting your bedroom window and shivering from the cold.

“Maybe I should get a onesie”

~

“Y/n? You still with me?” Peter asked, grabbing your attention away from the window of the coffee shop you sat in. “Yeah, sorry, Peter” You give a quiet laugh, looking back at the window for a second, just checking to see if he’s out there before turning back to Peter, who was looking at you with a soft smirk. 

“What, why are you looking at me like that?” You asked, earning a laugh from the boy as he set his pen down.

“When did I lose you?” He asked, ignoring your question. “I don’t know,” You shrugged, honestly.

Peter shook his head, his smile unmoving as he closed the book in front of him. He leaned back into the leather of the booth, turning his gaze to your face. “Can’t get you focused at all lately” He joked, but not really. “I’m sorry” You gave him a half smile, hoping it would help your apology come off as genuine, just earning another laugh from the boy as he took his glasses off. 

God, he’s so hot. dude don’t think like that he’s right there

oh god what if he’s a mind read-

“Y/n? Again? C’mon, sweetheart” He chuckled, snapping you out of your thoughts. You laughed with him this time. “I’ve just got like no sleep lately,” You explained, ignoring the way your heart sped up at the pet name and earning a sympathetic smile and nod from Peter. “Is there a reason why?” He asked, leaning forward just slightly as if you were sharing secrets. 

“It feels like waiting for a phone call every night” You shrugged, not missing how Peter’s face fell at your words.

“Oh, boy trouble?” He asked, quieter this time. “something like that” he just hummed in response, not wanting to press any further. 

“Well, if you need a distraction, there’s this school thing-“ “Oh you mean at Nerdtown High?” You cut him off with a tease, laughing at how Peter scoffed and couldn’t help his smile. “Yeah, it’s like a winter formal dance thing, I’m in charge of takin’ pictures and stuff, could use some company” He shrugged, not wanting to just outwardly ask you. 

“And I have a special invite from the photographer himself?” You feigned a flattered face, dramatically putting your hand over your heart.

“Yes,” he laughed, “if you want to come, that is.” He shrugs, smiling at you. You mimicked his actions from earlier, leaning forward into the end of the table, still far enough to not feel his breath but close enough to make Peter slightly tilt his head as if unsure of what you were doing. 

Okay, so maybe how pretty he was did make a difference

“So, what are we wearing?” You asked, smiling.

~

The last-minute invite limited your options but luckily you managed to dig up something from your closet and accessorize enough to feel good about how you looked. While you were putting your earrings in, a knock hit your window, interrupting your giddy feelings about going to a school dance with Peter. 

Your head whipped around when there was a second knock, knowing now who it was as you got up and quickly opened the window, laughing at how Spidey dramatically fell into your room, completely on purpose. 

“hi” You smiled, putting on your jacket to shield yourself from the cold. “hey, pretty lady” Spider-man’s voice was distorted, muffled almost but also sounded like he was purposely making his voice quieter and deeper. “Why do you sound like that?” You laughed as you asked the question.

“Got a cold” he shrugged, before looking you up and down. “You look nice” Spiderman nodded, as if in approval but also as if he had to shut up before saying more.

“Thanks, don’t stare too much though, I’ve got a date!” You teased, smiling excitedly as you sat back down and focused on the red color lining your lips before blending it with your fingertip.

“A date huh?” He asked, not even trying to hide his shock at this point. You sigh, dramatically looking back at Spiderman, earning a chuckle at your theatrics. “Well, I think it’s a date, but if you ask questions, it sucks the fun out of it.” He nodded as if he understood your explanation.

He didn’t.

“You remember that tutor I mentioned?” 

Spidey hummed in response, making himself comfortable on your old bean bag chair, watching you finish getting ready.

“It’s with him” You spoke with a giddy light to your voice as you applied lip oil over the red on your lips. 

The silence from the usually obnoxious talkative spider caught your attention.

And while you didn’t know why, it was because he was internally panicking. 

“Thought he was like a total nerd” He laughed awkwardly, worried he’d blow his cover.

“Oh, he totally is,” You chose to ignore the scoff from Spidey as you continued speaking. “But, he’s also like charming and funny, and he’s so fuckin cute, he calls me sweetheart and like how he rambles apologies whenever he’s late and he always insists on walking me home even though I'm way out of his way for his own walk. Oh my gosh and the other day he hugged me which reminded me so much of that scene at the end of Tangled, like he just hugged all of me, does that make sense? Like he needed to be as close as possible, Ugh”

As you rambled on about your almost embarrassing crush on Peter, all he could hear was his heart pounding in his chest, he had spent weeks as Spiderman, coming to your rescue for mundane tasks, going as far as leaving notes when he wanted to see you but couldn’t. 

Here he was thinking Peter Parker was ruining his plans as your math tutor, meanwhile, He was the one you couldn’t stop rambling about.

Not Spiderman

But Peter.

He was freaking the fuck out.

“Oh my god, what time is it?” You asked, cutting off Peter’s Spiderman’s thoughts as you urgently looked for your phone. “Spidey, you know I love you, babe, but he’s gonna be here like any second.” You offered an apologetic smile as Spiderman waved it off, a way to say It’s all good, 

“Hey, have fun tonight, pretty lady!” He said, clearing his throat as if he was trying not to cough, and before you had a chance to respond, Spiderman was gone. 

~

“Did I mention how pretty you look?” Peter asked as he snapped another picture of you, complimenting you for the 5th, no 6th time tonight.

not that you’d been counting

You smiled, shaking your head. “No, I don’t think you have” You teased, earning that laugh that felt so painfully familiar in return.

“Hey, I have a question for you,” Peter started, still unsure about your previous conversation with Spiderman, even if you laid out all he’d need to know. 

The christmas lights and hanging snowflakes around the room suddenly became incredibly interesting to you as you nodded, avoiding all hints of eye contact possible, and silently thanking anyone who was listening in prayer as instead of looking at you, he started photographing other students and teachers dancing around the room to the Christmas music playing. 

Peter bit the inside of his cheek as he thought out his next few words, trying to not talk himself out of it. Distracting himself by taking photos of his classmates, he finally spoke.

“Do you prefer Pepsi or Coke?” 

coward

You laughed at the question, so it must’ve counted for something, right?

Or that’s at least what he had hoped as he smiled and listened to your unnecessary rant of an answer.

~

You shoved your hands into the pockets of Peter’s jacket that you were currently wearing at his insistence, of course, not being able to help yourself as you did a quick scan of the sky as Peter walked you home. 

He didn’t need instructions on how to get there anymore.

“Lookin' for something?” He asked, nudging you lightly.

Why did he always notice you looking for Spiderman?

“Someone, actually” You smiled at him, turning your gaze to your shoes, counting the cracks under your feet. 

“Oh,” play it cool, Peter. “Spiderman?” Was that too obvious?

You shrugged, looking at Peter with your head tilted.

“Didn’t know you were a fan” He continued, his turn now to count the cracks. 

“Yeah, something like that” you chuckled to yourself, shaking your head before looking at Peter, watching as he smiled softly at the concrete beneath his feet. 

“I had a really great time tonight, Peter” You sighed, nudging him slightly once your apartment complex came into view, even if you still had 3 more minutes of walking.

You really enjoyed your walks home with Peter. Of course, you counted how long the walks were.

“Me too” he nudged back, stopping for a moment and getting your attention by the feeling of his scarf getting tossed around your shoulders, you stopped walking now, allowing him to properly adjust the soft fabric around your neck making it two items of his you were now wearing.

“Can’t have you catching a cold for the holidays” Peter whispered, soft eyes moving to look into yours upon realizing how close you were. “Course not” you agreed in the same tone.

The moment lasted for however much time wasn’t enough, ending with the sound of police sirens, you both turned at the sound, watching as 2, 3, 4 cop cars rushed past you both. 

“Think I know where Spidey’s been” You mumble to yourself, though not missing the quiet laugh from Peter as he threw his arm around your shoulder, urging you to keep walking, seeming to be sort of rushing now. 

You didn’t question it, it was getting late and you knew he didn’t like leaving May alone too late into the night, it makes her worry would be all he told you anyway, so why pry?

You also had quickly decided to try and forget about the ruined moment, content in feeling as he wrapped his arms around your waist, forcing your arms around his neck in the hug you had loved so much and a quiet “I’ll see you in two weeks” mumbled into the shoulder of his your jacket.

Shit, winter break, you almost forgot about that

“Merry Christmas, Peter” You mumbled back, holding your breath as he pulled away and not letting it go til after you opened the door to the lobby. 

“Hey,” his voice made you turn around, tilting your head like a silent question mark.

“Merry Christmas, Sweetheart” 

~

The words replay in your head even still as you lie in your bed, waiting for your dreams to overtake you. How he looked at you and how he spoke the words so softly, despite having heard him call you Sweetheart a dozen times by now, you couldn’t get over it.

That seemed to mix with the anxiety you were feeling about whatever was going on with those policemen tonight, why was he not following? Was he already there? Is it about what’s had him so occupied the last few weeks?

The unanswered questions of worry and giddy feelings of adoration put you in a seemingly never-ending loop of anxiety that you were completely unable to come out no matter how hard-

Thump thump thump 

You sat up, almost giving yourself whiplash with how you turned to look at your window. 

Thump thump

They were weaker that time, uh oh.

[nofomogirl]

We need to talk about body snatching

I'm not a massive fan of the 1827 minisode - if you're curious why it bothers me, I've explained it in my post about two GO canons - but there's no denying it does an amazing job at exploring the complexity of morality and moral choices. It starts with a very black-and-white two-dimensional image and gradually adds shading and perspective, making it harder and harder to judge as we go along.

I think it's worth digging into (pun not intended but I'll take it).

Layer 1: body snatching bad

We learn someone did something

It's those first few seconds where we see a person robbing a grave, and since we know that robbing graves is a crime and generally not a good thing to do, we can quickly form a tentative conclusion that this is wrong.

Okay, in this exact instance, we immediately get enough context clues to see that this kind of judgment would be oversimplistic and superficial. Only Aziraphale, who for some reason acts as if it was his first day on Earth after a thorough memory wipe, is ready to condemn Elspeth based on just that.

Nevertheless, this is the first layer - the deed itself with no context.

Layer 2: body snatching acceptable

We learn about the person who did the thing

That's the whole journey with the first dug-up body where we get to know Elspeth and become privy to her circumstances - she's desperately poor, she has another person depending on her, she robs graves to survive. Aziraphale's suggestions that she might earn her living by selling books, weaving or farming just serve to prove how inaccessible more honest and dignified professions are to her. In turn, her comment about how she's not hurting anybody who isn't already dead hints that from the realistically available options, Elspeth could have chosen something much worse.

Technically this layer is a significant step up from layer 1 but it still isn't really challenging. Things are spelt out really loud for us, and most importantly everything we learn about Elspeth is just attenuating circumstances. To top it off both she and Wee Morag are immediately endearing. The takeaway is that sometimes things that in theory are bad can be excused which is important but the verdict still comes without any second thoughts.

Layer 3: body snatching complicated

We learn the larger context around the thing

This mostly happens when Aziraphale and Crowley discuss body snatching with Mr Dalrymple. We learn that the stolen corpses are used for a medical study that can advance human knowledge and make it possible to save living people and that surgeons have no legal means to obtain enough of them for their research - hence their need to buy them from body snatchers.

At first glance it's just more of what we got in layer 2 - more agruments in favour of body snatching that aren't all that nuanced and don't really give us any pause - just from a larger perspective, beyond Elspeth's individual experience. But if you glance more than once you'll notice this is when things stop being straightforward and easy to judge.

The moment we enter a proper grey area is when Aziraphale asks why Mr Dalrymple doesn't acquire the bodies himself. This is a very valid question - while we might easily agree that studying the human body to further medical knowledge is a good thing, and with just the slightest hesitation admit that it's acceptable to resort to using stolen bodies if that is the only way the research may continue, it's not as easy to excuse taking advantage of the poor and the desperate to do the actual stealing that we know is very dangerous.

The moment we know without a doubt we are in a proper grey area is when Mr Dalrymple laughs at Aziraphale's concern.

Objectively, the surgeon is right that it's more effective if he doesn't risk his own life in the graveyard and uses his time on actual research, teaching students and saving lives. But it's also clear he doesn't exactly see people like Elspeth as actual human beings and feels he has every right to use them. On the one hand, he is paying, on the other, he happily benefits from the cruel class system and is not even one bit remorseful about it. On the one hand, he takes risks too, on the other he has a chance of rewards Elspeth will not benefit from. It's not the poorest whose lives will get bettered by the progress of medicine, even though they're the ones who pay with their lives for that progress. And if Mr Dalrymple gets lucky and is knighted for his work (we know he wasn't in the end but it was a possibility), the poor still won't be pardoned for stealing for him. Nevertheless, he has no issue with that.

As I said, things get nuanced.

Layer 4: it's different when it's someone you know

The thing actually happens in your life

I think you'll all agree that the turning point of the minisode is when Elspeth decides to sell Wee Morag's still warm body. This is what finally leaves us speechless.

That's because up until now we've been approaching the issue intellectually. It's not that we didn't care about the characters, but we were allowed to keep a safe distance. The whole thing was like a problem to be solved - "Is body snatching right or wrong? Discuss in 500-1000 words" - and everything we've learned so far was data for this assignment. I believe that one of the reasons why this detachment came naturally was that there was a very thick line between people involved in body snatching and the bodies that were being snatched. The former were, well, people, obviously. The latter were inanimate objects.

It isn't until Wee Morag is to be sold that we are forced to see a person in a dead body. This is also when real emotions enter the equation.

This shift forces us to question our judgment for the first time. It was easy to justify Elspeth when she was selling a nameless corpse. But the fact that she decided to sell her closest companion - and most likely lover - shocks us. Something inside us strongly objects to how quickly she makes the decision.

And then there's the transaction, and it is also different when it's someone we know. The fact that we knew Wee Morag fully exposes Mr Dalrymple for the heartless jerk that he is. The way he treats Elspeth is the absolute worst and if you haven't realized he was a hypocrite earlier, you should be disillusioned by now.

But at least Elspeth is not a hypocrite, right? It may seem cold that she sold Wee Morag but it just proves she simply believed it's all right to sell a dead body, doesn't it?

Well, about that...

Layer 5: it's different when it's you

You are forced to face the thing happening to you

This layer is reached when Elspeth plans her suicide and asks Aziraphale and Crowley to bury her "somewhere where no ghouls will ever dig her back up again".

It turns out Elspeth McKinnon really was a filthy liar.

Not long ago she was insisting that body snatching doesn't hurt anyone who isn't already dead, and asking why she should let Wee Morag rot in the ground when she starves. But she wants to make sure it doesn't happen to her own body. The idea that someone might dig her up terrifies her and she calls people who do it ghouls. So why was digging up other people okay again? Why should she rot in the ground while other people suffer? There were other people living in the street where she and Wee Morag hid. Why not ask Aziraphale to give the money to them? Or just anybody in need? Why not ask to sell her body as well and use the earnings the same way?

Also, if you look at it from a certain perspective, Elspeth betrayed Wee Morag in the worst possible way. Wee Morag believed that if someone's body gets cut, that person's soul cannot enter Heaven. Yet Elspeth sold her to Mr Dalrymple, claiming that Wee Morag would have wanted her to have the means to survive. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps Wee Morag would have made that sacrifice. But then Elspeth decided to kill herself and use the money she got for Wee Morag's body for her own funeral.

But does it make Elspeth wicked? Certainly not. She's simply torn by grief. I seriously doubt she's been planning to commit suicide when she was taking Wee Morag to Mr Dalrymple. She might have genuinely tried to carry on but the reality of what happened caught up to her. Mr Dalrymple's cruel words certainly didn't help her cope with a personal tragedy. I even suspect one of the reasons she sold her friend was that she had no idea what else to do with a dead body.

Does this excuse her actions? Kind of, but not really.

Elspeth was a tragic character, not an innocent lamb with a heart of gold.

The point is - can any of us really judge her?

Which, coincidentally, is a question that the original Good Omens book toyed with quite a lot.

If you've reached this far, thank you for reading!