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irresponsibleink · 5 months ago

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Onision's Book is an Abomination Against God

1/28/25

I have a burning desire to hold opinions on things that are none of my business. I also love unintentional comedy, I love stories that are so unaware of how bad they are, that they’re quite good. This blog post started as an experiment. The plan was to read the lowest-rated book in my library and then read the highest-rated book to see how they compare. The lowest-rated book in my library happens to be Stones to Abbigale by Onision, with an average of 1.87 stars on Goodreads, which is concerning. Goodreads tends to be very forgiving with reviews, if you can find anything below 3.50, you’re in for a wild ride. After reading this novel and compiling my notes, I realized that this novel is so grotesque, so insulting, that it deserves its own post entirely.

Onision is a disgraced YouTuber who has been accused of s*xual ass*ult. Among the countless videos about him on YouTube, there are plenty that discuss his lackluster books. Curiosity ebbing in my heart, I bought a used copy on eBay and waited eagerly for the novel to arrive. I was worried I’d be biased while reading the book, being aware of how other people feel about it and Onision’s past, but oh boy, I didn’t think about Onision once while reading it. The book completely immersed me. Not because it was good, but because it was so terrible I couldn’t focus on anything else.

This novel is 180 pages and normally I could knock that out in an evening, but I had to pause often to regain my composure and wait for the growing migraine to dull before diving back in. On BookTube it’s easy to find reviews of readers claiming to have found the worst book, but they’re all wrong. Stones to Abbigale is the worst novel. Ever. It contains immature, inauthentic, pretentious writing, filled to the brim with spelling errors, characters that make no sense, and senseless tragedies that are used to make the novel feel edgy and deep.

This post contains spoilers, (trust me, please don’t read this book) and trigger warnings for s*xual ass*ult, school sh*otings, m*scarriages, ab*se, self-h*rm, s*icide, and death, though I talk about none of these things in detail.

Stones to Abbigale follows James, a high school student who falls in love with his classmate, Abbi. There is no standard plot to the story; it’s less of a novel and more of a random series of events that happen to these two teens.

The other characters include Ms. Robertson, Jason, Davis, James’s Mom, Seth, and Barack Obama. There are more characters but they don’t matter.

Actually, none of the characters matter. In most novels, the author takes time for the reader to develop a connection to the characters, that way the reader will care about the story and continue to read it. In this novel, I was divorced from James and Abbi. There are scenes in this book where you should be worried about their safety and I felt nothing. There were even points where I was rooting for them to die, and these characters aren’t written to be unlikeable, they just are. Onision meant for the reader to sympathize with these characters.

We’re chronically told how smart, funny, and kind-hearted James is, but we’re never shown that. James’s inner dialogue reads like an alien’s memoir and his two personality traits are being ‘observant’ and being obsessed with Abbi. As James parades through the story, everyone is chronically kissing his ass, including the president of the United States.

Abbi doesn’t have a personality beyond having a cartoonishly tragic past and having the hots for James.

Ms. Robertson is the guidance counselor at the school and she does not behave like a human being. She’s framed as being a crazy religious Karen who has a personal beef with Abbi because Abbi was s*xually ass*ulted and when she didn’t want to keep the baby, Ms. Robertson lost her shit. Okay, that’s believable, there are tons of pro-life asshats out in the world, but Ms. Robertson loathes Abbi to the point it seems like she knows something about her that we don’t. This could've been an interesting subplot, but it was not handled well at all and came off as unbelievable. Ms. Robertson’s crimes against humanity include screaming at children in public, changing James’s class schedule so he can spend more time with Abbi, and framing innocent children for crimes they didn’t commit.

Davis is James’s ‘best friend.’ I use that term loosely because as soon as James starts dating Abbi he seemingly forgets about Davis. But Davis does not forget about him. Davis is in love with James. This is unconfirmed, but Davis goes on and on about how much he loves his buddy! Platonically, of course! At one point, Davis becomes withdrawn when James starts dating Abbi and even asks James if he ever thinks about anyone else in a romantic way. This would be an interesting subplot but it is never explored and it is never confirmed that Davis has romantic feelings for James, though it is quite obvious. Davis seems to love James a little too much… Davis’s crimes against humanity include talking like a mentally ill eight-year-old and having no interests outside of James.

James’s Mom is a cardboard cut-out who does whatever is convenient for James, which I’ll talk more about later.

Seth is Abbi’s boyfriend, who she eventually leaves to be with James. Seth is ab*sive and cartoonishly evil.

Jason switches back and forth from being a meathead bully who s*xually ass*ults classmates, to a brain-dead himbo.

Barack Obama makes a brief appearance to congratulate James on being a good person. He is never referred to as Barack Obama, just ‘the President,’ but since this book was published in 2015, this officially means that Obama made an appearance in this story. He visits James’s school shortly after a sh*oting took place there and took the individual time to speak with every class. When visiting James’s class, he knows exactly who James is, because James is the main character.

“James Patrick, the boy who nearly saved the day.” - Barack Obama

By the way, James did nothing during the sh*oting except roller skate through the school searching for Abbi. That was all he did.

The authenticity and realism of this novel were a big reason why I couldn’t empathize with these characters. This book is written how Onision believes teenagers think, but the entire novel feels unrealistic and inauthentic. Nobody talks in a normal way, nobody thinks normally. This book felt like it was written by an alien who doesn’t understand human nuances or emotions. At one point there is a school sh*oting and the only observation that James has about the incident is that his classmates are staticistly higher to experience depression or s*icide.

“[The survivors are] all now subjected to a heightened risk for depression and, statistically, even s*icide.” - James

The most egregious example of the characters behaving unrealistically is when James’s Mom invites Abbi to move in with them after her father is arrested and allows her teenage son and his girlfriend to sleep in the same bed and share the same room. Later on, James’s Mom gets remarried and moves in with her husband, leaving James and Abbi alone in the house to finish out the school year on their own with no adult supervision.

The entire novel is filled with sentences that are empty and devoid of meaning, sentences that are meant to be deep and hard-hitting. This book is like a novelization of all the r/im14andthisisdeep posts.

“Make up is just make up, skin is just skin, it is what it is.” - James

I can’t forgive this book for its sloppy, ham-fisted use of very serious issues. This book includes s*xual ass*ult, s*icide, self-h*rm, ab*se, a school sh*oting, and a m*scarriage, and absolutely none of those things added to the story. The school sh*oting is conducted by Seth shortly after Abbi breaks up with him, and it is an event that is used as a dramatic garnish right in the middle of the story and none of the main characters die or get hurt, so it doesn’t matter. The other terrible events are just a randomized list of occurrences that Abbi experienced in the past, horrible things that she often laments about so James can fix her. Words can’t describe how angry I was when it was revealed that Abbi was SA’d.

This book has nothing to say about any of these serious issues. It is ill-prepared for it, and it doesn’t even try. To lazily shoot out incidents that have nothing to do with the story so that the writer can feel deep and smart is something that I cannot take. How dare this writer use such a terrible thing as a random occurrence to make us feel bad for these unlikable childish characters. I’m not against any of these topics being written about, but when you, as a writer, introduce them into your novel, you have a responsibility to the people who suffered through these things to write about it seriously and realistically and not treat it as a joke. Onision should’ve just written “fuck SA survivors,” on his online forum and left it at that. Instead, we get this shit.

This entire novel reeks of arrogance. This novel has so many spelling errors. If I’m to believe what Amazon tells me, Onision’s partner, Kai, edited this novel, and boy, did they do a bad job. The writing style is borderline unreadable. There were so many spelling errors and the language was stilted. Just one pass through a spell check system is all it would take. Onision has fans who offered to edit it for free, and he refused. Why? Because he’s arrogant. He believes the novel doesn’t need a second or third draft, he believes it’s fine the way it is and if we can’t see that, then we just can’t appreciate true art!

James is a self-insert character for Onision. It is obvious through the way everyone treats James and his heavy plot armor, not to mention the fact that Onision’s real name is Gregory James Daniel. In the description of the book, Onision writes, “James is essentially a better version of myself. His home, his school & his life all resemble my own at his age. The people James analyzes and is surrounded by are not so unlike those I’ve known as well. I have experienced much of the loss James has however his happier moments are more often than not also mine. I want to share my story without it being purely non-fiction.”

I hope that droning, moronic sentence gives you a glimpse into what it was like to read this book. By the way, any spelling errors you see in the quotes are Onision’s and his alone.

If this is a fictionalized retelling of actual events, then what parts of this are real, then? If this novel was a way for Onision to tell his story without the confines of reality, then what percentage of this actually happened? Did Onision meet Obama? Are they still bros? Did Onision’s mother give him an apartment when he was a junior in high school? Did Onision survive a school sh*oting? From what I can find, Gregory James Daniel or James Jackson, has never survived a school sh*oting. What about this novel was real? What parts of this novel actually happened? None. None of this happened. Onision romanticized his childhood and added some random bullshit drama and violence to juice it up. The end.

On top of everything else, this book has the audacity to be pretentious. Some people can do pretention well, like Quentin Tarantino, or Christopher Nolan. Gregory James Daniel has not earned the right to be pretentious. If you’re going to be pretentious, at least give me a good story, but Onision can’t do that because he’s too arrogant to accept feedback or criticism.

The only saving grace of this story is that it can be funny sometimes. Not funny in the way it was intended, but funny nonetheless. Around 2/3 into the story, James, Abbi, and Davis are driving and witness a man jump off an overpass. Davis rushes out of the car, which is still moving, by the way, and attempts to help the man, who is clearly dead, and gets hit by a car and fucking dies. This all happens within two pages, and I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. It was so unexpected, completely out of left field, and so fucking stupid.

So after this, we get a chapter of James blaming himself, even though he didn’t do anything, Davis’s mom praising James for being a good friend, and James pushing the pain away by smashing his girlfriend.

“[Abbi] was all I had left.” - James

Yeah, fuck your mom and your sister, I guess.

So, how does the story end? Someone blows up the school. That’s it. The school is blown up and the last line of the story is, “Well, I guess I won’t be running for [class] president.”

Whoa… what a story. I bought this book on eBay for five dollars, but if I had paid full price, it would’ve been ten. Ten dollars. That was how much I made per hour at my last job. That means that one hour of labor is equal to this torture nexus. God fucking damn it…

If you’re curious about the details of this book, watch one of the countless YouTube videos made about it instead of reading it. I recommend the one by @strange-aeons, which was how I found out about this goddamn monstrosity in the first place.

I gave this story 1 star on Goodreads and 0 stars on Storygraph because Storygraph is a superior app. When looking at other reviews on Goodreads and Storygraph, it seems all the positive reviews are either people trying to give Onision the benefit of the doubt or people who are being sarcastic.

Overall, this book is similar to The Perks of Being a Wallflower if it was co-written by a fourteen-year-old and a mentally ill incel and published on Temu.

Final grade: BAD

Rick Stepp ([email protected])

#onision #booklr #books #book review #stones to abbigale #bad books #review #long post #long form content #goodreads #storygraph #books and reading

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dangermousie · 4 years ago

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Mousie’s absolutely subjective, very biased Top 10 web novels list

Please note that this is hardly aiming to be objective, if one can even be properly objective about a work of fiction. It is 110% based on my preferences, which means this list is heavy on the angst and has nothing set in the modern day. It is also heavily danmei-centric, even though I read way more het romance than danmei, because for whatever reason, most of the danmei I’ve read has been insanely good.

10. Return of the Swallow - one of the two non-danmeis on this list. Smart and nuanced and with a large cast of characters. Our heroine is a long-lost daughter of the family that is brought back in and has to cope with familial struggles, crazy royals, court intrigue, invasion et al. It’s SO GOOD! There is romance with the sexy smart enemy general but honestly, it’s the heroine that is the main selling point for me.

9. Transmigrator Meets Reincarnator - the only other non-danmei novel on this list, this was my very first web novel and what drew me into this insanity. This is just a ton of fun, probably the lightest novel on this list, not an ounce of angst to be found. But it’s hilarious and features competent heroine and tsundere hero and I will always love it for opening a new world to me. Anyway, our heroine transmigrates into the novel as the female lead. Unlike the original lead though she doesn’t want to seek adventures and angst - she just wants to comfortably live with the wealthy, nice husband heroine has. Alas, said husband is no longer nice since he has previously lived this story where he was betrayed by FL and then transmigrated/reincarnated into the past. Oh well, the heroine opens up businesses and makes friends. And eventually, her husband realizes his wife is way different this time around. This actually doesn’t have much romance, not until close to the end, but this is so fun I don’t care.

8. Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

7. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS) - oh come on, how are you even on this tumblr if you don’t know MDZS/The Untamed? This was my very first danmei and it’s so much fun! I love everything about it - the unreliable narrator, the looping structure, the main OTP, Wei Wuxian’s laidback, traumatized insouciance, everything. Anyway, the plot in the event you somehow transported here from 2005 is that the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Wei Wuxian, was defeated by the righteous sects over a decade ago and fell of a cliff to his death. Only now that same Wei Wuxian opens his eyes in another body and everything that was supposed to stay in the past starts again.

6. Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF) - people either love its meandering narrative, picaresque structure and cast of thousands, or find it a detriment compared to much more compact MDZS. I love it even more than MDZS for those very qualities. It does have a rock-solid, darling OTP, but what really elevates it to me are the MXTX trademark combo of snarky/light tone hiding a ton of trauma underneath, the insanely intricate world-building, and what it has to say about the nature of grace and goodness. Xie Lian is one of my top 5 web novel characters and probably in top 10 from anywhere. Oh, and while MXTX’s stuff is not as angsty for me as Meatbun’s or even Priest’s, there are always exceptions, and there is one chapter in this novel that pretty much broke me and sometimes I still flashback to it and feel unwell.

Anyway, what is it about? There is a commotion in the heavenly realm - Xie Lian, the Crown Prince of a long-destroyed kingdom, has ascended to Godhood. That in itself is not so exciting. However for Xie Lian this is the third time (!!!!) as he’s ascended and lost his godhood twice prior. And now, the biggest joke of the divine realm is back, throwing the heavenly realm into chaos. And elsewhere, Hua Cheng, one of the four most powerful demons of that Universe, sits up and takes notice.

5. Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

4. Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

3. To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

1. The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

#cnovel #2ha #yuwu #to rule in a turbulent world #lsww #sha po lang #golden stage #return of the swallow #transmigrator meets reincarnator #lord seventh #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #heaven official's blessing #the dumb husky and his white cat shizun

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itsuki-minamy · 4 years ago

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“K SIDE: PURPLE 08”

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

K - Side: Purple (Chapter List)

Looking at the customer who entered, Taka-san widened his eyes.

Isshin Hase, a man who settled in "Niibangai" about half a year ago. He was a big man with muscular bones, and if he had had the aptitude, he could have been hired by this "Massive Boys", but for now, he "established himself as a goalkeeper for all of Niibangai".

Hase looked confused while he was at the store entrance. It is not surprising. "Massive Boys" is a so-called "tourist bar" that anyone can walk into, but there are chaotic fluorescent neon signs, bondage fashion Greek sculptures, and bright posters of gay porn stars all over the store. At first glance, customers are often confused and some leave the store immediately.

"Sensei, come here."

When Taka-san beckoned, Hase looked relieved and walked over to the counter. When he put his giant body on a stool, he looked like one of the figures in the store.

Taka-san laughs a bit as he hands him a hand towel.

"Welcome. It's rare for Sensei to come to us."

"Um, well, that's right. I'm not good at these kinds of places."

Taka-san is in awe of the wording. Since Hase was in a hurry, he wondered why he had come if he wasn't good at it, or what if he said it in front of them.

"Oh, no, no! It's not about you, there's just no green tea in this place to drink. Sorry."

Taka-san involuntarily bursts out laughing. It seems true that he wasn't good at socializing, although he didn't have to panic.

"Well, that's correct. Sure, you can't drink?"

"Um, I can't."

"Ah, I'm not serious. I apologize, we have many other non-alcoholic drinks."

He glanced sideways and pointed at Chief Satoshi. He saw this person, so the instructions mean that others are welcome. Satoshi looked ahead and yelled, he came out of the counter to stop an employee who is getting involved with a customer.

Taka-san turns to Hase and says with a soft smile.

"So what are you going to do, Sensei?"

"That's right. I'll order a sake that I can drink."

"Yes."

Taka-san took the shaker. There was no doubt that Hase asked for that for his sake. There are days when he still wants to drink alcohol that he cannot drink. He has been doing this kind of business for a long time, so he knows it.

He adds syrup, sugar and lemon to some cocoa liquor and shake it. Transferring it to a glass, he poured in sparkling water and was slightly driven, Taka-san presented the glass in front of Hase.

"Yes, please. Cacao Fiz. It has less alcohol, so feel free to drink."

"Oh, thanks."

He raised the glass with a nervous hand, and took a sip. Hase's eyes widened.

"Uh, it tastes good."

"Thank you."

Taka-san smiled. Hase tipped his glass again and drank several times.

He wondered what happened.

For half a year after the gangster attacked, Hase has solved many problems in "Niibangai". There are many people, including Taka-san, who have been helped and protected by him. Still, his good-natured personality who never snorts his achievements, was welcomed favorably by the "Niibangai" neighbors.

Still, Taka-san doesn't know Hase's details. Also Mi-chan and Seiya. He is forbidden to snoop unnecessarily, which was implicitly a rule of thumb in "Niibangai", which has many wounds on its inhabitants.

So Taka-san didn't force him to answer, he just shook off the little talk.

"How about these days? What about Mishakuji-chan?"

Hase laughs on one cheek. A sip of cocoa and then a sip of words.

"His sword is..."

"Yes?"

"I was right. That boy has a good sword."

For a moment, Taka-san didn't understand what Hase was saying.

Hase's ability is brute force. He has taken down several thugs in the blink of an eye. He was not sure about the sword, but he could understand through common sense that he had been studying for many years and that his technique cannot be surpassed by one half.

That is to say…

"Why are you asking that all of a sudden?"

"I heard you promised Sayuri to try to avoid injury. Until now, you've been hitting with a move that doesn't care, but it seems like you've decided to change that."

"……"

"The word genius is lukewarm. Yukari is real, so is his ability."

Speaking to himself, Hase set the empty glass on the counter.

"Give me a refill."

"Yes."

While preparing a new cocktail, Taka-san implicitly observed Hase's expression.

Hase seemed to be laughing. Eyes closed and thoughtful, his lips formed a slight smile. But Taka-san didn't know what he thought was true. What do people feel when they are outmatched by humans for just half a year after many years of research? Only the person knows.

"He's a great kid. That's it."

Taka-san is even more cheerful as he pours a new cocktail into the glass.

"Yeah, he really does cause that feeling, right? Mishakuji-chan is amazing. He's been able to do anything for a long time, he's smart, he has a good face. It's weird that he's in a place like this."

Hase smiles bitterly as he looked at the glass that Taka-san gave him.

"A place like this, is a greeting. I wonder if this is where I live."

"Yes. "Niibangai" is certainly our place. But after all, it is a place like this."

Taka-san turned his gaze towards the shop, saying that selfishly. The burly men in XL evening gowns and prima donna suits hold their glasses cross-shouldered and the singing voice is out of tune.

"Drop something, run away from something. This is a mound of snow where these people gather. The more time we spend here, people like me, Mi-chan, Seiya, Sayuri, we have no place to stay other than here."

Hase's glass was empty. Taka-san unconsciously poured half sake.

"But Mishakuji-chan is different. Since he is a big boy, it is possible that he can fly to a wide world that we cannot imagine. I think he is a boy, who unlike us who cannot escape, can open up by himself One Way."

Taka-san says that, narrowing his eyes.

Mishakuji Yukari was certainly such an existence for the people of "Niibangai". Hope and possibility. Being able to fly to places where they can never go. That's why everyone who likes Yukari feels that he is not suitable for this place.

"Escape."

Suddenly, Hase's face was dyed bright red and the giant swayed. Taka-san rushes to replace the glass.

"My God, I wonder if I drank too much. Water, water."

"Hm..."

Hase looks at the water that Taka-san offered him. Hase flutters with some drunken eye flashes.

"I'm the same. I wonder if it was fate that brought me here."

"……"

Do not poke around uselessly. That is the "Niibangai" rule. They all have the same scars that they don't want to be explored.

However, you cannot live with your own pain forever. There are times when you still want to spit out the scars you don't want to find. In such a case, listen to the story silently. That's not "Niibangai's" rule, it was Taka-san's rule.

"Why did you come here, Sensei?"

When Taka-san poured the water, Hase leaned his elbows on the counter, closed his eyes, and began to speak slowly.

"I betrayed my friend and ran away from him."

++++++++++

The Miwa Meishinryu Dojo was located near Hase's birthplace.

He doesn't remember why he got a sword. He was not good at socializing due to his natural nature, and he believed that swinging a stick was easier than playing with friends at school. There were few outsiders who bothered to learn old-fashioned swordplay, and it was even rarer when they were younger, and there was only one disciple his own age.

That was Miwa Ichigen's school.

Miwa was the grandson of the owner of the dojo, a boy who was sought out to take over the Miwa Meishin style. For that reason, it seems that he was strictly taught not only the sword, but also all martial arts and etiquette. From the boy Hase's perspective, Miwa seemed to have little time to break free.

However, he didn't make sense of Miwa's character. He always had a spring breeze atmosphere that made his feel relaxed just by being next to him. It wasn't a bother for Hase, who wasn't good at socializing, to be around Miwa. Not only was he a friend of the sword of the same age, but Hase and Miwa believed that they fit together in terms of personality.

However, even Hase often couldn't understand Miwa.

For example, while he was practicing in the presence of a sword, there was a moment when he suddenly lost his head. Even if it's practice, if the hit is bad, it will hurt. Since he knew, he should have to put stress on his whole body, but Miwa just looked somewhere far away, and sometimes his heart wasn't even there.

And Hase couldn't attack Miwa. He should be full of spaces, but there was no possibility of attacking anywhere. He was caught up in the premonition that a ridiculous counterattack would ensue the moment he hit him, and he had no choice but to turn Miwa around. Meanwhile, both of them were severely scolded by the owner of the dojo.

"Hey. What the hell was that?"

After a day of practice, Hase scold Miwa.

Half intended to complain. Both of them were ordered to clean the entire dojo as punishment for clumsy practice. He couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't fed up with Miwa, but he couldn't think of beating Miwa if he acted immature in front of him.

As he squeezed the cloth he had just lifted from the bucket, Miwa asked mysteriously.

"What's that?"

"That's it. It's like you go somewhere from time to time, whatever you're practicing. It's hard to do and I can't get over you."

"Ah..."

Miwa was a bit shy.

"That's the word that comes to mind."

"Word?"

"Yeah. Words that usually come to mind that aren't cohesive probably come together at that moment, and then my head goes that way."

He has turned his lips into a sword. He knew from his long relationship that Miwa wasn't teasing him.

"I do not know why."

"Yes. I really don't get it."

"I can't understand what you don't understand."

Having said that, Hase smiled bitterly. The one who laughed was the loser. He placed both hands on the mop placed on the floor and cleaned as he took a step. Hase lecture Miwa that he was a little late.

"If those words come together, let me know."

Miwa also laughed a bit and replied.

"Yes. I'll tell you when the time comes."

In the future, Miwa will be the owner of the Miwa Meishin-style dojo. Become a friend of Miwa, he will have the level of a teacher, sometimes they would exchange swords, teach the sword technique to the neighborhood children and hear those "words" one day. Somehow, Hase envisioned that future.

So when he heard that Miwa was leaving the house, he wasn't surprised at all.

Hase and Ichigen Miwa's sword arms were almost the same, but their heads were different.

When he heard that Miwa would be enrolled in the highest school in the country, he thought reflexively, "This guy will do long before breakfast."

But he really didn't understand. Why wasn't he the successor to the dojo? What happened to the promise to hear the "words"? Does he throw the sword? Out of anger, Hase was asking that question in quick succession.

Miwa was a bit embarrassed, as he bent his neck.

"No. I'm sure I'll be waving my sword wherever I am."

Then, with a look soft like a spring breeze, he added:

"The 'words' are not organized yet. Once they are organized, I'll show them to you first."

"Really?"

Hase had no choice but to say so. There were no other words.

The difference between him and Miwa was clearly shown.

First of all, he was a different person than him, who was not good at socializing because he was careless and had no choice but to cling to this land while he brandished his sword. Miwa, she was smart and had many brilliant talents. He was a person who could advance to a larger world for a better future. It was just that Hase was so crazy that he thought he must be around him all the time.

"Do not feel alone."

The words that came out of his mouth surprised him. He should be pleased with the prosperity of his friend, but the first thing that comes up is his feeling. Masochistically, he thought that place would be different without him.

Still, Miwa smiled and replied.

"Me too. I will be a teacher who teaches from the heart."

Then, Miwa flew all over the world.

Shortly after Miwa disappeared, Hase became the teacher of the Miwa Meishin school.

It seems that the owner of the dojo still wanted Miwa to take over the dojo. The instructor would only be Miwa, and he claimed that he was in the middle of a "long absence". That was not important to Hase. He was not interested in the position or title as long as he could live wielding his sword, he thought it was the most suitable life for him.

Meanwhile, almost 10 years have passed.

One day, Miwa came by chance.

After graduating from high school, he heard that he got a job in an overseas securities company and that he is doing a great job. It would be a lie not to say that his friend was living a completely different life from his, and that he didn't feel alone, but when he thought "that's what it is", it was a story he could swallow. He thought that he had found something that could be the basis for him, just like he was living with a sword.

The face of his friend that he saw after a long time seemed to be dead.

Hase looked at his face seriously, and Miwa smiled like a spring breeze, as in the past.

"I'm sick. I left the company."

If asked, it seems that dark circles floated under his eyes and his body was thin. Hase could only imagine what a foreign securities company would look like, but it was probably a hostile environment that could damage the trained body with a sword. Hase ran into a friend, who fell ill and eventually returned from an unknown land.

"Miwa. Stay here forever. This is your home."

With a smile on his face, he shook his head gently.

"No. This is your dojo. I decided to retreat into the distance."

Hase opened his eyes. He didn't know what Miwa was thinking.

He said that he will soon go somewhere even though he had returned. Miwa took Hase's hand and said, wondering if such doubts had appeared on his face.

"It is said that good air is better for me. I can go calmly because you are in charge of this dojo."

"……"

"I lost the Miwa Meishin style."

When he told him that, Hase couldn't do anything else.

That night. Hase saw Miwa in the Kendo room.

Miwa dressed in a sash and calmly waved a wooden sword. It was probably because of the feeling that he was sick and did such a thing. It is a dojo where he spent his childhood and youth. Miwa who returned after a long time, thought it was inevitable that he would want to breathe the air of the dojo even if he made his sick.

"I understand your feelings, but don't overdo it."

He tried to yell that when he saw it.

Miwa, waved his sword as if dancing. As if running water flowed incessantly, his feet and the sword of judgment as well, they never stayed in one place.

Silently, gracefully, without the gap of habit, Miwa manipulated the wooden sword lightly.

It was hard to believe that this sick man was away from the sword for many years.

Indescribable discomfort hit Hase's chest. When he realized it, he was entering the kendo room. Hase didn't stop even if he looked back in surprise when he noticed that.

Miwa unexpectedly pointed at his throat.

"Miwa, fix things with me."

Hase, unknowingly holding a wooden sword that he hung on the wall in one hand, raised it unconsciously.

His bloodied eyes are wide open, his shoulders are tight, and his lips are tight. When he saw Hase, he had a sad expression on his face.

"Oh, I…"

"Don't say anything. I ask you to fix things with me."

Then Hase held his sword to his eyes.

Miwa was silent for a while. He had his face down, so Hase didn't know what kind of expression he had. With a wooden sword in his hands, he said in a hazy voice.

"I will not reduce the number of hits."

"Try this. I will never forgive you."

Miwa looked directly at Hase and held his sword in the top row.

That only made the skin all over his body crawl.

He didn't want to admit it. He couldn't forgive him. However, as a grave fact, he stood in front of Hase.

Miwa was stronger than him. Much stronger.

He couldn't admit it.

Hase was surprised that such pride lurked in him. Hase saw himself as a disinterested and cheerful person just by wielding his sword.

But that meant that if he turned it over, he only had one sword. He thought that he wouldn't lose, even if it was Miwa. No matter how beautiful he was, no matter how glamorous he was in the world, only the sword. He only believed in this way of life, yet somewhere in his being, he believed that he was inferior to Miwa.

He was crushed.

The moment he saw the sword dance, he knew that he was in a situation where he couldn't even compete with Miwa. He was sick. He believed that he had been working for a company for a long time.

Miwa was much more skilled than him, who has directly thrust the sword.

He couldn't forgive him.

Miwa, no. He cannot forgive himself. The chief was not skilled enough to trick him into pretending not to see him. All feelings and consideration turned to dust at that moment. Isshin Hase had to challenge Ichigen Miwa.

Miwa with the sword in the top row had a transparent expression. The expression was familiar. It's the expression he used to have when he practiced, when his heart was going somewhere.

The facial expression when the "words" arise

At that moment, he couldn't hit him. He had a feeling that he was going to receive a terrible counterattack and could only turn around.

But now…

If he didn't hit him now, he will regret it for the rest of his life.

"Oooooooooooooh!"

Driven by thoughts of him, Hase kicked the dojo floor. A reverse kasaya that appears to be licked from the bottom left. He fired the strongest blow of his life.

And…

++++++++++

"So what happened?"

Taka-san asked in a low voice, looking at Hase, who has fallen onto the counter.

"Fu…"

With his forehead pressed against the counter, Hase shook his shoulders and laughed.

"Of course I lost. No matter how many times I tried, I couldn't even touch it with the sword."

"……"

"The next morning, Miwa left. He left a letter."

There was a brief goodbye and a "word" in which the words were finally joined. No words of apology were written. Hase was saved by that.

"The next morning I left the dojo. I should have decided once that it was my place to live. I couldn't bear to be there anymore."

If he entered the dojo and swung his sword, he would remember that night. When he realized that, his life was worth nothing.

"I ran away. I left the dojo that night. For the very fact that I couldn't get over Miwa. I left the dojo that Miwa had entrusted to me and the disciples who trusted me, I fled, kept running, and then I came here."

Hase laughed deep in his throat, lifting his flushed face and squeezing it.

"I tried to assume that Miwa was special. He was a monster given two or three times by the sky. Then Yukari appeared."

With a laugh, Hase covered his eyes with his big palm.

"When I saw his movement today, I remembered Miwa that night. I moved like I danced and didn't stop. It's funny, right? After running away from a monster, I ended up meeting another monster. Kukuku…"

Hase kept laughing deep in his throat. Maybe he wasn't laughing. Thinking like this, Taka-san gently walked away.

"In the end, I can't. I couldn't beat him or forgive myself for losing. I saw Yukari today and I remembered him. I'm a useless person."

Taka-san thinks that there are two types of people who despise themselves.

Someone who wants you to deny it, and some who really believe it.

Hase now is probably the last. There was an opponent who lived with a sword and still couldn't beat him. He doesn't think he can understand all the regrets, despair and helplessness at that time. Suffering can only be understood by the person who tasted it.

However, there was still a problem with Hase.

"Miwa, right? I have never met him, but I am grateful to that person."

When Taka-san said, Hase looked up mysteriously.

"Because without that person, I could have been dead."

Hase looks at Taka-san with drunken eyes. Taka smiled, poured water into the glass, and presented it to Hase.

"Isn't that true? If you had overcome that feeling before that person, you wouldn't be here right now. Then I could have been stabbed by that yakuza and would die."

"……"

"It's not just me. It's the same for Mishakuji-chan. He could have been seriously injured protecting me, and that boy could have died if you hadn't intervened. Right?"

Hase shook his head, saying that he couldn't turn his head properly. Taka-san sighed and looked directly at Hase.

"You may have lost. You may have escaped, thrown away, betrayed and come here. But there are people who have been saved."

"……"

"So don't say you're worthless, much less say that in front of Mishakuji-chan, because he respects you."

"Does he respect me?"

Hase repeated it, like the words he heard for the first time. As he looked down at the glass.

"But eventually he will be stronger than me."

"But now you are still that child's teacher."

Hase was listening to the words and sinking into the depths of the water in the glass.

"So, be proud and be like a teacher. Not for you, but for Mishakuji-chan. One day when that child leaves the nest, you will be able to proudly say, 'Isshin Hase taught him the sword.'"

Hase was silent for a while.

Taka-san didn't say anything else. He thought it was Hase's problem. After all, Hase himself is the only one who can come out of despair and suffering.

"So is."

Finally, Hase muttered and crept into his chest.

What he took out of it was a messy piece of paper. It was slightly dirty and covered with hand stains, and the written characters were not clear. However, Hase squinted to see the precious written treasure and murmured.

"I may have come here for that."

#K #k project #k fan clan #mishakuji yukari #k side purple

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p-artsypants · 4 years ago

Text

I Do...I Guess (6)

The Farplane

Ao3 | FF.net

I decided to change the way the Farplane worked, only for story purposes. You know, you gotta do what you can for the Drama™.

Also, I’m going to try to keep the lore the same, but it gets kind of confusing towards the end of the first game, so if I mess up or change something, I’m trying to have it make sense in my head.

Also, I don’t want to completely rehash the whole story the same way, except for the little change of Yuna and Tidus being married. But some of the events are going to be pretty similar and chronological. I mean, they have a path they have to go, and I really liked the story in the game. Why ruin a good thing?

The longer time goes on, the more we’ll diverge. I’m hoping this story will reach into X-2’s timeline, but the ending is still fuzzy. I’m not writing this ahead of time, like a smart person would. You’re getting it as it comes! Whoooo!

—

As they reached the gate to the Farplane, Auron took a seat on the edge of the ramp.

“I can’t go in.” He said simply.

Rikku took up the seat next to him and took a deck of cards out of her inventory. “We Al Bhed aren’t super big on the Farplane. We prefer to leave the past in the past.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s why you dig up all the Machina.” Wakka muttered, before being elbowed by Lulu. “Ow!”

“Behave.”

The gate to the Farplane looked like a wall of water, mirroring the side they were on.

Tidus hesitated outside, but Wakka and Lulu walked in without another thought.

“Are you coming?” Yuna asked.

“Uh yeah…”

And it felt like submerging underwater, but there was no wetness, just the sensation of moving from one world into the next.

The Farplane was vast and huge, teeming with life, despite being the land of the dead. Flowers covered the ground, and cascading waterfalls filled the sky.

The sun looked like a hole had been punched in the sky and light shone from behind. A rotting, swirling blackness gnawed at the edges, making the almost pristine world have an ominous air to it.

“Whoa.” Said Tidus.

“It’s so pretty,” said Yuna.

“So how does this work?” Tidus asked the more experienced party members.

“It’s pretty easy,” Wakka walked up to a podium at the edge of the platform they stood on. “All you gotta do is touch this sphere, here. Then, all the people in the Farplane that want to see you will appear. Then you get to pick who you want to talk to, and they’ll come forward, and then you can talk to them.”

“Have you done this before?”

“For sure, ah? Quite a few years ago, Chappu and I were talking about an old Besaid legend, the Melonheads. It was a group of people with swollen heads that lived in the caves down by the beach. Chappu never believed they existed, but me and some of the Aurochs were sure it was true. So when Lulu and I came through on our last pilgrimage, I asked the previous leader of Besaid about it.”

“And what did he say?”

“He didn’t know, so he called on his predecessor, and he called on his, so on and so forth, until we got all the way back to the war.”

“And?”

“And it was a bunch of bologna. It was some dumb joke from my grandfather’s era.”

“That’s really cool you got to solve it though!” Yuna chirped. “And you got to talk to the founder of Besaid! That’s amazing.”

“So who’s going first?” Tidus asked, glancing at the podium.

“I’ll go. I’ll show you how it works,” replied Wakka. He confidently strolled up to the podium, but paused with his hand hovering over the sphere.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…got nervous, all of a sudden. I haven’t seen Chappu since…” he swallowed instead of finishing his sentence, and then pressed his hand on the surface of the softly glowing sphere.

The air filled with hazy figures, slowly solidifying into ghostly people. Details and faces appearing as they were before they died. About fifty in total, and mostly men.

Luzzu, a crusader that Tidus had met on Besaid, and travelled with the team all the way to Mi’ihen, was among them.

“Wow,” Wakka said with a little, sad chuckle. “There’s more here than I was expecting.” Then he spotted Chappu, and beckoned him forward.

“Hey big brodda! It’s been awhile, ya?” Chappu greeted with a big smile. Though he had the proud Besaid accent and boisterous voice, his sound was airy and wispy.

“Yeah. Yeah it has.” Wakka responded, without much enthusiasm.

“What’s with the cold reception?! Bummed because I’m dead?”

Wakka laughed slightly, unable to help it. “Yeah. Yeah man, that’s it exactly.”

“Well knock it off! The Farplane isn’t too bad, ya? I built a place down by the river, surrounded by flowers. We play Blitz all day, and never have to work. And the best part? No Sin! Sure, we don’t eat or sleep, but we don’t need to. So stop moping!”

“I just…miss you. Is all.”

“Yeah, I miss you too, eh? But time is different here. Not sure how long I’ve been dead.”

“About a year now.”

“Wow, a whole year! Feels like just yesterday, but also like I’ve been here for eons. It’s too hard to explain.” He waved a hand in front of his face, changing the topic. “What are you doing in Guadosalam anyway?”

“I’m a guardian again. This time, for good. Gave up the game. It was time to get serious, you know?”

“Who this time?”

“It’s Yuna, she’s finally ready.” He gestured behind him so that Chappu could see.

Yuna waved.

“Little Yuna is already on her Pilgrimage? Well, good luck! And I’ll save you a good spot!” He laughed.

No one joined.

“Hey Wakka,” Chappu grew serious. “You takin’ good care of my girl?”

“He bullies me,” Lulu answered.

“I do not! If anything, you’re the bully!”

“You need to be bullied. You’re too immature.”

Chappu laughed again. “I guess I got my answer.”

“If anything, I’m taking care of him.” Lulu added. “But he makes sure I’m staying safe.”

“Good, glad to hear it. I’d haunt Wakka if he wasn’t taking care of you.”

Lulu closed her eyes, and downcast her face, hiding her expression.

“I see Kimahri, and who’s this dude?” Chappu gestured to Tidus.

“Your long lost twin, ya? Gotta rub some tomato in his hair, but he could be you. I gave him your sword. I think he likes it.”

“Good! I certainly don’t need it here. Better he use it to keep Yuna safe.”

“You got it, Chappu!” Tidus gave him a thumbs up.

“I wish I could talk longer, but your time is precious. Just promise me one thing, Wakka.”

“What’s that?”

“Let me go.”

Wakka swallowed and shook his head. “I don’t know if I can do that yet, you know? For the longest time, I hoped…” he swallowed again, finding his throat too dry. “In my head, I knew you’d be here. They told me they found your body. But my heart kept hoping that they were wrong. But here you are.”

“So take this as closure. I’m fine. Great actually. I have plenty of regrets,” he glanced at Lulu, “but there’s no one in the Farplane who doesn’t have their regrets. I’ll learn to live with them. Or…die with them, as the case may be. But you still have time, and hanging onto me is going to drag you down.”

“Gee, when did you get so smart?”

“You learn a few things when you arrive here. Things that seemed important when you were alive suddenly aren’t anymore, and you get a look at a bigger picture. But I’m spoiling it for you.” He shot his arm out, giving Wakka a brotherly punch that he’d never feel. “Take care, brodda. Get Yuna to Zanarkand, and maybe coach the Aurochs again if you get back, ah? We got to win once.”

Wakka laughed. “We did win! This guy,” he pointed at Tidus. “He allegedly played for the Zanarkand Abes! He took us to the finals!”

“You for real? He’s from Zanarkand? We played them on this side not too long ago. Great team! They got some moves I’ve never seen before. Kicked our butts, they did!”

Wakka laughed, a real genuine laugh since they had arrived in Guadosalam. It was heartbreaking.

“Well, you better get off the line, before we talk about Blitz for three hours.”

“Yeah.” He sighed, and his shoulders relaxed. “I’ll see you around, ya? Next time, I might be on the other side with you.”

“You better be an old man.”

“No guarantees. You save me a good spot too though, okay?”

“Already did. It’s blocked out and everything.”

“Thanks. Well…bye Chappu.”

“See you, Wakka.”

And he removed his hand from the sphere. For a while, he stood there, staring at the place Chappu had been. Then he quickly wiped his face and turned to the group. “See? Easy as pie! Who’s next?”

Yuna avoided eye contact and twiddled her thumbs.

“Lu? You wanna go?”

“I have no one I want to talk to.” Then she considered a moment. “But, there is someone I want to see. Just to make sure they made it to the Farplane.” She approached the podium, and touched the sphere.

About the same amount of people appeared for Lulu as for Wakka, with lots of the same faces, including Chappu.

After a glance over the crowd, she frowned. “A shame.”

“You don’t see them?”

“No. But, they could just not want to see me. I wouldn’t blame them either.” She removed her hand and stepped back, leaving the podium open for Yuna.

“I guess it’s my turn, then.”

With the determination he saw her garner when she summoned, Yuna approached the sphere, and placed her hand on it. Tidus was quick to take his place beside her, for emotional support.

Many more people appeared. Maybe 200. Maybe more. It was hard to tell.

“Famous even in the Farplane,” Tidus joked.

“Hm. Many of these people knew my father, and probably would like to speak to me because of him. Or perhaps I met them once and made that big of an impact. It’s hard to know. But, honestly, I don’t recognize them all.”

But there, in the middle, stood her parents, arm in arm, reunited in death.

She beckoned them forward.

Immediately, Lord Braska’s face melted in adoration. “Is that my Yuna? My little girl?” His voice, like Chappu, had a wispy quality to it. The sound of someone speaking without vocal chords.

“Hello mother, father.” She greeted with a tearful smile.

“My my child, how you have grown. How old are you now?”

“17.”

“Ten years it’s been then? What are you doing in Guadosalam?”

“I’m on my own Pilgrimage to Zanarkand.”

Instead of beaming with pride, like Tidus expected he would, Braska frowned. “You became a Summoner? That’s…a fate I had hoped to spare you from.”

“You’re so young,” said her mother.

“I know. But, when you defeated Sin, you brought so much joy to Spira. I want to do so too. And it’s not your fault, but I think everyone expects the same of me.”

“I was afraid of that.” Braska lamented.

“I want you to meet my guardians!” Yuna interjected, before the man could blame himself further. She beckoned Kimahri closer. “This is Kimahri Ronso. Sir Auron met him on his way back from your Pilgrimage and asked him to find me. He brought me to Besaid and stayed with me ever since.”

“Glad to know Auron kept his promise to look after you.” Braska smiled.

“In Besaid, I met Lulu and Wakka. They’ve been like family to me. They practically raised me. And Sir Auron, we met up with in Luca. He’s outside, with Rikku!”

“Rikku?” Asked her mother, “your cousin?”

“Yep!”

This little tidbit of information did not escape Wakka. “Your who-what now?”

Yuna hunched her shoulders. “Um…Rikku is my cousin?”

“But…that would mean…you’re Al Bhed?”

Yuna’s mother spoke up. “Half. A summoner married to an Al Bhed is given no favors, even if he’s widowed. So, it’s not well known.”

“Summoner Braska married one…” Wakka shook his head in disbelief. “What a way to learn this information…”

“You’re not going to bail, are you?” Asked Lulu.

“No. Guardian through and through. Just…I need some time to process.” He held his head and muttered something that sounded like, “and I said all those things.”

“And who’s this strapping gentleman standing next to you?” Yuna’s mother asked. “I think you missed a guardian?”

“Oh! Of course. This is Tidus, Sir Jecht’s son…and my husband.”

THAT brought joy from the couple.

“You got married!” Her mother cheered. “That’s wonderful!”

“To the crybaby?” Asked Braska, with a smug smile.

Tidus rolled his eyes. “I’m not a crybaby.”

“There will be some hard times ahead of you, and having someone like a spouse to support you will help. It's a luxury I wish I could have had.”

“Actually…” She clenched her hands to her chest. “There’s something I need your advice on. One Summoner to another.”

“Whatever you need, My Love.”

Just that little nickname brought joy to the part of her heart that had desperately missed her father. “Did you ever know Maester Seymour Guado?”

He thought for a moment. “Lord Jyscal’s son? I don’t think I ever met him. He’s half human, half Guado, right? He’s a Maester now, hmm? Good for him.”

“Yes, he umm…he proposed to me.”

Braska laughed. “And you obviously told him you were married, correct?”

“Well, yes. But Tidus and I have only been married a few days. Well, Maester Seymour believes it would be best if we got our marriage annulled, and Maester Seymour and I wed instead.”

“He said that!?” Yuna’s mother gawked.

Braska, too, looked disturbed at the idea. “Why would he ask such a thing?”

“He said that…well, as a Summoner, it’s my job to bring joy to Spira. And a wedding between a Maester and Summoner would be a joyous occasion.”

“Sure,” said Braska. “Until they find out that you broke off your marriage of love for a marriage for politics.”

“That’s what Auron said!” Tidus interjected.

“And that didn’t convince you?”

Yuna blushed, embarrassed. “I know…I just…he’s a Maester, and he only has Spira and Summoner’s best interests at heart. He wouldn’t have asked if there wasn’t some good that would come out of it.” As she said it, she wondered if she really believed that. It was what she was trying to convince herself was really happening, instead of the gut feeling that hit everytime Seymour appeared. “Would he?”

Braska shook his head. “My sweet daughter, by bringing the Calm, I had hoped that I had paved a way for you to do what you want. I’m so proud that you’ve become a summoner. But Spira’s happiness doesn’t need to rest solely on your shoulders. There’s no reason you and Tidus couldn’t have a more formal and public ceremony to bring joy.”

Yuna looked over to Tidus, not having considered that at all.

“Yuna. As hypocritical as this may sound, promise me, you won’t let anyone tell you want to do in your marriage. You and Tidus are a team now. A team not even a Maester can break up. And that’s coming from High Summoner Braska.”

Yuna actually wept a few tears in relief. “Thank you, father. I needed to hear that. I was so concerned about Yevon and my duties to the Temples, that I forgot my duties as a wife.” She turned to Tidus. “I’m going to tell Seymour no.”

Tidus deflated like a balloon, relaxed and relieved. “Thank Yevon, right?”

“And you, Sir Tidus,” Braska said sternly.

Tidus straightened up.

“As her guardian, don’t be afraid to tell people to back off. It’s your duty. Your father was particularly talented in it. Although, best not use the same language and hand gestures he used.”

“I understand.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You’d get it. Yevon isn’t a thing in Zanarkand. Knowing what’s appropriate and would reflect poorly on Yuna…that’s something I’m trying to figure out.”

“Whatever you do, once Yuna defeats Sin, it all gets overlooked, or remembered fondly. So just do what you have to.”

“Yes sir!”

“Glad to hear it. Now, Yuna…there’s something you should know about Zanarkand.”

“What is it, father?”

Braska hesitated. “Did Auron tell you anything?”

“Um…not anything outside of my expectations.”

“Hmm. And you’re set on this Summoner path?”

“That's all I want.”

He seemed to think better of whatever he was going to say, and instead said, “well, I suppose you’ll find out when the time comes. In the end, it won’t matter.”

“In the end?” Asked Tidus.

Braska gave him a little look. “At the end of the Pilgrimage. It won’t matter. All she needs to do is defeat Sin.”

“Oh, sure. Right.”

Braska reached a hand out, touching the side of Yuna’s face, sending tingles over her cheek. “One last thing, my wonderful daughter. There’s no shame in abandoning the Pilgrimage. I almost turned back, and most Summoners do as well. I love you, and I will continue to do so no matter what you choose.”

“Thank you, father. It’s a blessing to know I have your support no matter what happens.”

“And Tidus’ support,” he reminded. “And he’s tangible.”

Tidus rested a hand on her shoulder, squeezing affectionately.

Wiping a tear from her eye, Yuna gave a curt nod.

“Good luck, My dearest daughter.”

“We’ll be waiting,” her mother added.

And Yuna removed her hand from the podium. She sighed, closing her eyes.

“Feel a little better?” Tidus asked.

“Yes. I had hoped talking to my father would give me clarity. And it did.”

“Uh…Yuna?” Wakka spoke up.

They were both prepared for Wakka to start interrogating her about her heritage, since that had to be on the forefront of his mind. Instead, he was pointing at the place Braska had been.

Yuna looked up, and saw a Guado man. “Lord Jyscal?”

Unlike Chappu and Braska, Jyscal looked…unwell. Dead and ghostly, of course, but he looked more gray, more tormented. He crooked a finger towards her, and beckoned her closer.

Yuna leaned in, nervous that a figment could appear without anyone touching the podium.

He whispered something in her ear. Something that puzzled her.

But before anyone could ask questions, he was gone.

“What did he say?” Asked Tidus.

“I…I’m not sure. I couldn’t understand him.” She lied. More than anything, she wanted to deflect from the news she had received. “Tidus, would you like to try?” She gestured to the sphere.

He considered it. “It couldn’t hurt right? Maybe I’ll tell my mom that I got hitched. She won’t believe me.” He laughed as rested his hand on the sphere.

Hundreds. Thousands of people appeared.

A city’s worth.

“Whoa…” said Wakka.

“Ah. Yeah…that’s what happens when you and your dad are famous, I guess. All my fans want to see me.” He frowned as he looked around, tears gathering in his eyes.

Children, young people in the prime of their lives, and his teammates. Friends he had eaten with just a month ago. They were all here, waiting for him.

“I…I changed my mind.” He removed his hand. “I don’t want to talk to anyone.” The ghosts disappeared, like a bad dream.

Wakka was staring at him, jaw dropped.

“What?”

“You’re for real? You’re really from Zanarkand?”

Tidus chuckled. “Oh so now you believe me?”

“Kind of hard to ignore the evidence! I don’t even know that many people!”

“I’m waiting for an apology.”

Wakka sighed. “Fine. I’m sorry for doubting you and calling you delusional.”

“Ahem.”

“I’m sorry, Sir Tidus.”

He smiled. “Hey, water under the bridge! Now, let’s go tell Seymour the good news and get the heck out of Guadosalam!”

Lulu spoke up. “Unfortunately, there’s a really bad storm in the Thunder Plains. We’ll have to stay the night here.”

“When is it not storming in the Thunder Plains?”

“Fine. Get struck. See if I care.”

Yuna led the party out of the Farplane, back to where Rikku and Auron were waiting.

“So?” Asked Rikku. “How did it go?”

“I’ve decided to tell Seymour no. Tidus and I are staying married.”

“Good!” She cheered, then tacked on, “Seymour’s kind of an asshole anyway.”

“He’s still a Maester. So you shouldn’t call him that.” Reprimanded Lulu. “At least, not in front of others.”

Wakka sheepishly approached Rikku and gave her a light rap on the shoulder with his knuckles. “Hey kiddo, I’m sorry about what I said earlier. We might disagree about things, but there was no reason for me to yell at you, ya?”

“Aww, it’s okay Wakka. It’s hard to fight against your whole worldview, right?”

Auron smirked at the exchange. “Let me guess. You found out about Yuna's heritage?”

Wakka might as well be as transparent as those on the Farplane. “Yeah well. Even if Yuna wasn’t half Al Bhed…it was still crappy to yell at a kid.”

Rikku grinned. “I’ll take it!”

The group then returned to Seymour’s mansion. Only to find the man in question missing.

“Lord Seymour has moved on to his temple in Macalania, as he stated you needed time to consider his offer,” said Tromell.

“He didn’t wait for the storm to pass?” Asked Lulu.

“Lord Seymour is not bothered by such things. But he assumed the storm and your late arrival would keep you here, and he has had two rooms prepared for you.”

Tidus and Yuna shared a look. Only two rooms?

“Whoo! Slumber party!” Rikku chirped.

Auron patted Tidus’ back and spoke softly. “I can see the anxiety on your face, plain as day. Lulu and Rikku will be with her. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Getting separation anxiety two days into marriage, eh?” Wakka chided. “It’s kinda cute.”

“Lay off. I’m just…pissed with Seymour, is all.” He muttered, only partly lying.

“If you are all set, I will show you to your rooms. If you will follow me.”

Tidus and Yuna fell into step with one another, as was a common occurrence as of late.

“Yuna?”

“I know,” she said with a sad little smile. “We should talk about it. But…I’m kind of tired. Can it wait until we have the privacy of our own room?”

That was such a gracious request, he couldn’t help but honor it. “Of course. Later. But, we’re good, right?”

“Only if you’re okay. I wouldn’t blame you if you were still mad at me.”

“It’s kind of hard to stay mad at you. It…kind of hurt, but I understand.”

She reached over and took his hand, squeezing it. “I never want to hurt you again.” This came out with so much sorrow in her voice.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

#Final Fantasy X #ffx #yuna #tidus x yuna #tidus #fanfiction #I Do...I guess?

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ulyssesmichelson · 4 years ago

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kyloxox · 6 years ago

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𝕀 𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝔼𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕕 (James Potter x reader)

Summary: you and James had a complicated history. You wanted to forget he existed. But you just couldn’t.

AN: this went in a complete different direction then I attended but hope you guys like it!

Lover Series Masterlist

———————————————————————

Laughed on the schoolyard. As soon as I tripped up and hit the ground, ground, ground.

“Hey are we gonna meet up later in the library to prepare for the transfiguration exam?” You asked.

“Sure.” James briskly said as he looked over you to see behind you.

“Sirius! You got them! This is going to be perfect.” James held up a bag full of pop its. “Bye y/n!” James said as he walked with Sirius into the classroom, talking to him whatever god knows what.

“Bye.” You said huffing and walking away to your next class.

“Miss. L/N.” You felt your whole body go numb. Of course Mcgonagall chose you first. She placed an apple on on table, gesturing you to stand up and go to the front of the class. As you stood up your chair made a loud shrieking sound. And throughout the quiet classroom it was even more noticeable. You heard some giggles from a pair of boys but you didn’t notice who’s they were. You walked up to the front, your hand gripping your wand.

“Alright Miss. y/n.” She moved out of your way. You shakily held up your wand.

“D-duro.” You tried to say as loud and clear as possible but nothing happened. You heard some giggles behind you but ignored it.

“Duro!” You said more confidently. But still nothing. As the giggles still ensued you gripped your wand tight. “Duro!” You tried one final time. Finally the apple started to turn but instead of to stone it turned into a mush.

“Thank you, Miss L/n, you may sit down.” As you walked to your seat you were finally able to see who was giggled. James and Sirius. Your heart froze. Your best friend was laughing at you, mocking you.

While trying to hold back your tears you sat back to your seat, who now had Lucius Malfoy preoccupying the seat that was empty.

“At least you’re not doing as back as Weasley.” You turned to the front of the classroom to see Arthur’s apple grew wings.

“Shut up Malfoy.” He laughed a little.

“You coming to the slytherin party tonight?”

“No why would I go to that?”

“Cause I want you to.” He looked you up and down.

“Shut up.”

“Whatever worth a try. It’s not like you’ll be over Potter in a night.”

“Excuse me? What did you say?” You turned with a concerned look.

“Everyone knows you’re like obsessed with potter, I mean even he knows. You follow him like a lost dog.”

“I’m not obsessed with him. He’s my best friend.”

“But are you his?” Your lips parted. You never thought of it that way. “Listen come to the party tonight. It’s only slytherins so maybe you can have friends in your own house.”

“Fine, I guess.”

Your name on my lips, tongue tied. Free rent, livin’ in my mind. But then something happened one magical night. I forgot that you existed. And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn’t. And it was so nice. So peaceful and quiet.

It was the first day back for your 7th year. Your last year before leaving your childhood behind. Over the summer you and your dorm mates hung out almost every other day. They showed how wonderful life was in the world of rich purebloods, especially the shopping weekends in paris.

And your life back home had gotten better. Your parents were happy that you stopped talking to James. They believed as he grew older he became the prime example of a blood traitor. And they were more than happy to pay for your expenses. Along with getting better along with your parents they forced you to get a dark mark and join Voldemort.

“You won’t be a main member, just a follower.” They told you. It still felt wrong. But when everyone around you was doing the same thing, it help fizz that tension.

Over the course of the summer you had almost completely forgetten about James and his immature behavior. You barely tried to contact him over the summer and if he wanted you to he could have done it himself, but he didn’t. And you weren’t surprised.

So now as you were walking into the great hall, trying to act like everything was fine with your fellow slytherins you couldn’t help but feel the lingering eyes of James and his friends. Sure you changed a lot of the summer, including a new hairstyle, no more braces and new expensive diamond earrings banging from your ears. But it wasn’t like James should care.

“Bloody hell. It looks like those slytherins corrupted her.” Sirius joked as he saw you. James just slowly nodded his head as he looked at you awestrucked. You changed. Changed a lot over the summer. New confidence. New hair. New friends.

James would be lying if he said he wasn’t sad you guys didn’t hang out over the summer. I mean it was tradition for you guys to spend the first day of summer together, but James was too busy getting drunk with Sirius to notice.

But the fact that you didn’t even acknowledge James was the saddest for him.

It isn’t love, it isn’t hate. It’s just indifference.

“Hey y/n….”

“Potter.”

“Ouch denounced to Potter.” He smirked at you playfully

“Yep…that’s what I denounce blood traitors as.”

“Damn.” He continued to smirk.

“Bye Potter.”

“Wait y/n!” James said as he graded your arm. In that process your sweater as riden up amd your mark was revealed. You quickly gasped and pulled your sleeve down.

“Y/n? What the hell is that?”

“Nothing!” You swiped her arm away from him.

“I knew your parents were going to corrupt you! But I always thought you’d ignore their efforts. Now with your new friends I’m not surprised.”

“Maybe if you were a good friend I wouldn’t have to become friends with the people who you think are “corrupting me.”

“Okay y/n! I’m sorry! I’m sorry for being such an idiot! I’m sorry for acting like an asshole to you for years.”

“I don’t care James! I don’t care anymore! You’re the only one obviously phased by this!”

“Because we used to be best friends! We used to do everything together.”

“Well, people change James and I think we both know who’s the one who did.”

“Says the one who’s a death eater now!” The moment he said that you turned around and slapped him in the face.

“At least I don’t go behind my friends back and treat her like shit!”

“Oh really? Then what do you call this!” He grabbed your arm and forced your mark in your face.

“It’s called being loyal to my parents! My legacy!”

“Legacy? Y/n, are you hearing yourself?!? Two years ago you made fun of this stuff?!”

“Well I grew up. Obviously you haven’t.“

With that you rushed out of the room. Leaving your childhood behind. Leaving your friendship behind. Leaving your best friend behind.

One year later

You barely knew where you were going. All you had was an address scribbled on your hand that was smudged. But it didn’t keep you from briskly walking through adandonded streets.

You managed to find the tiny cottage at the end of the lone street. You quickly looked out as you banged on the door. A few seconds later it was opened by James. He looked aged from the stress of the war but he still looked the same.

“James please! Just listen to me! Voldemort is going to come here. He’s going to kill you! He’s gonna kill you!” You shrieked trying time get him to listen to you.

“Please listen to me! Peter he’s….he’s a death eater now-”

“Please y/n, Peter isn’t you. He would never do that.”

“James!” You shrieked again. “Please believe me!”

“How do you even know where we’re hiding out!” He roared at you.

“Because-”

“Peter told her…” Sirius finished before you could finish “Prongs. I think she’s telling the truth.”

“James please.” You looked into his eyes, as glossy as ever. “Lily, Marlene, Mary has already been killed by him, I don’t want to see you with them.” He looked into your eyes deeply. He knew you were telling the truth and he couldn’t risk it.

“We have to evacuate.” James stated to the rest of the members hiding in the small cottage.

“Well?” James raised his eyebrows, holding the door open. You noticed you were the only one left in the room.

“Well?”

“Are you gonna come?” He said amused.

“Haha very funny.” You deadpanned.

“I’m serious. If he sees you here, he’ll kill you.”

“Maybe it’s what I deserve.”

“Don’t say that.” You both stood silent for a moment. Letting the feeling of childhood nostalgia sink in.

“I’m sorry-” you both say at the same time. God another cliche. Your life was such a cliche.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing this. God I hate myself so much with this, this thing on my arm.”

“I’m the one who drived you to it.”

“No, no it was me. I thought getting it would be pay back to you. A kick in the chest to you. But I was wrong I was stupid.”

“I’m still in that equation. If I hadn’t treaten you like an asshole you would never have felt the need to do those things.”

“Yea but maybe I should have acted like tha-”

“Shhh.” James said as he moved closer to you. “It my fault. I was afraid. I was afraid of what people would think if I dated you.” He paused for a second.

“I was afraid they would think I was insane for liking a slytherin. So I acted like an asshole. To get you away from me and god was that stupid. Cause it worked. You were smart enough to get away from me. I thought you would just kept clinging, and that’s what I wanted.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you treated me like garbage-"

“I know... and it was the worst mistake of my life. Cause I lost you, during the time I most needed you, cause I was selfish.”

“James please, I get you’re trying to apologize but we need to leave.”

“We?”

“Yes, we.”

“Just promise me one thing.” He moved closer to you.

“After the war is over, we forget everything. The war, 7th year and we become best friends again.”

“Yes I promise.” You said and not being able to hold back you grab his face and smash your lips into his.

“Bloody hell.” You whispered.

“Wow just like I imagined.” James smirked holding onto your waist.

“Shut up now we really have to go.” You said grabbing his hand and rushing out the door.

“You two are finally done in there?” Sirius snickered to you guys.

“Don’t worry you’ll have your seven minutes in Heaven with someone soon.” James said over to him with a cocky smile. You just laughed, realizing how much you missed this.

taglist: @accio-rogers @llamaluverlizzy @arianna-17-11 @peasantview @girlyisthatweirdkid @timeladygallifrey @malina4ka @outrodaylight @emcchi @sophisticatedslytherin @thatharrypotterfan13

#james potter x you #james potter #james potter x reader #young james potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter #lover #taylor swift #i forgot you existed #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders era #young remus lupin #remus lupin #sirius black #slytherin #gryfindor

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spaceytingz · 5 years ago

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I’m currently distracted by a new album of my fav myself, but what’s some songs from your favs artists that you love?

My approach to music is very.... interesting - I tend to adore about 80% of my favorite artists’ discographies, so while I will try to restrain myself, be prepared for a lot.

P!nk:

⌛ Is This Thing On? - My most listened to song on Spotify. I adore everything about it. There is a lyric that goes

“I'm the lone night, you're the morning I annoy you, and you bore me”

which I really like.

🏑 Please Don’t Leave Me - God, I love the displays of emotion in P!nk’s music up to Beautiful Trauma. You can feel the desperation, the anger. I really like music with desperation, especially about love, since I don’t really feel that kind of emotions, and also anger, because I’m really fascinated with angers. The video is amazing, I love the melodrama, the way she lets her emotions float around her (I am a very emotionally distant person, so I love music that expresses the opposite qualities of me)

Some more, which I don’t feel like commenting on:

🎪Who Knew

🚿Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely)

🔥 So What

🏎️ Bad Influence

🧱It’s All Your Fault (the EMOTION, the DESPERATION, the GUITARS, the “but I'd probably even do that wrong”, UGH)

🎈Blow Me (One Last Kiss) (I love playing this when I’m done with some shit that happened in my life)

🖕Slut Like You

👠Walk Of Shame

⛽My Signature Move

📼Good Old Days

📺Better Life

Carly Rae Jepsen:

The queen of unrequited love.

💧 Cry - Carly Rae Jepsen’s B-Sides are better than other people’s A-sides. Cry is.... incredible.

🚴‍♀️ Fever - I have biked to this song in the countryside simply because she mentions stealing her ex’s bike. The song is incredible, it’s one of the few songs of hers where she lets herself feel anger. Amazing, spectacular, never done before, totally unique, never the same.

🎤Your Type - This. Fucking. Song. I can’t even describe it, I wouldn’t do it justice, I’ll just leave the video.

youtube

🚗Let’s Get Lost - Carly Rae Jepsen is not letting me breathe and I am thankful.

💰L.A Hallucinations - It took me a while to love this one (as with most of Carly’s songs), but Jesus Christ, every time the “PLANES I’M HOPPING CARDS I’M DROPPING NO SHOP CAN FILL ME UP” hits..... i am scalped.

💫Happy Not Knowing - Queen of not knowing. Masterpiece. Currently my most scrobbled track in my last.fm profile, which I started in May 2019.

🧨Too Much - Carly Rae Jepsen did NOT have to VIOLENTLY come for my ass and my entire personality with this song, but I am glad she did.

💔I’ll Be Your Girl - The spite! The drama!

🌧️Right Words Wrong Time - When the last chorus hits, I am transported to the astral plane.

🛍️Store - As silly as this song is and as much as @emotion-deluxe hates it, I adore it and it was the song that got me into Carly.

🔎Curiosity - Also the song that got me into Carly.

☝️Turn Me Up - Why is her discography, like, 95% full of flawless bops?

🍬Sweetie - No comment needed.

I barely managed to refrain from including the entirety of Emotion and Emotion: Side B.

Kesha/Ke$ha:

💋Kiss N Tell - God, the beat is so fun, she is so bitchy in this, I love it.

💍Stephen - I am a sucker for desperation in love as I said above, so there is no way I am not going to adore this.

✨Dancing With Tears In My Eyes - Dancing while crying is a genre Kesha and CRJ have perfected.

💳VIP - The song is really fun, and I relate to it, kinda.

🛏️The Harold Song - “I would give it all to not be sleeping alone”.... GIRL

🍐Grow A Pear - I love it when she’s bitchy.

📅c u next tuesday - After two years of listening to this song, I am just learning that it spells cunt.

🍭C’Mon - Very fun and energetic!

📻Thinking Of You - A masterpiece!

💃Only Wanna Dance With You - Also a masterpiece!

👐Last Goodbye - YET ANOTHER MASTERPIECE

🌿Learn To Let Go - This song helped me so much when I was growing away from the terrible person I used to be in my early teens.

🌈Rainbow - GRAMMY. AWARD.

👓Finding You - It’s incredible.

🚀Spaceship - I really relate to this song and I adore it.

🍯Honey - Incredible.

👮Kinky (feat Ke$ha) - The sheer existence of this song is legendary. It’s also really catchy.

🥔Potato Song (Cuz I Want To) - I just love it when she’s immature. I think that Kesha is probably the pop star I am closest in terms of personality to. Like, smart, but immature on purpose.

🎎BFF (feat. Wrabel) - Very fun! I adore it!

I’m gonna leave it at this, because I can talk about my favorite music for hours.

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beanenigma · 6 years ago

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Having step-parents - a writing guide on new families - part 2

Cinderella’s evil stepmother? Having a new mom? Which one really is it? What about a stepfather? Are they always as bad as they sound in media?

Hi, I’m Isabella and last week I told you about my nine half and step siblings. You can find it HERE. That guide was getting pretty long, so I decided to break it into at least two parts. So today, I’m talking about step-parents. My credentials is I had 6 step-parents along the way.

Still, as I said in the previous part of the guide, I want to give a disclaimer that this is based on my particular experiences (and my siblings’) and it doesn’t pose the absolute truth - but it’s still more real than what I normally see around.

Getting a new step-parent is a very interesting process. There is a myriad of aspects that can influence how this experience is going to go: how old you are, how well all of the parts handled the previous divorce (mother, father, child), if said stepparent was involved in some way in the aforementioned divorce, how mature are all of the parts, how willing the stepparent is to accomodate for you, etc. I’m going to try to go over all of the parts, focusing on the roots of this experience, hoping it can be useful in your writings.

Mommy? Daddy?

How your character calls their step-parent is really a matter of how they feel about their step-parent and when they met said step-parent.

I always feel like it’s so weird characters in books and movies call their step-parents coldly by their names, even if they met these people when they were children.

In the distant times of 2002, when I was about 5 years old, my dad introduced me to his friend. At the time, he told me to call her aunty Lena.

Aunty Lena became my step mother months later. She was my darling companion for the next 6 years. She gave birth to my sister and she made sure her two older daughters were nice to me. And I loved her like another mother. I kept calling her Aunty Lena, though, and I still did even when she divorced my dad. Because that’s how she was introduced to me, and it sounded like someone who was family. Because I grew up with her.

Around the same time, mom started dating Luiz, who she introduced to me as Uncle Lu and I later started calling Uncle Lulu (including in front of his employees, which embarrassed him). He would come to live in our house, meaning he would be as close as anyone could be. I never thought of him a new father like I thought of Lena, mostly because I thought him to be sort if weird and uptight. My mom told him this, which made him loosen up which made him ever weirder, but sort of endearing, because I knew he was actually trying to impress me by being more casual. I still call him uncle to this day.

HOWEVER, later, in the cringy times of 2010, when I was around 12, my dad introduced me to Melissa, who had become my stepmother just recently. Despite loving her two boys - and later my sister - for the next 6 years, I tried to call her anything other than her name. I tried nicknames, but it never felt natural. My middle sister (Aunty Lena’s daughter) had more success in this area.

The reason for that is because our new stepmom would pick at any detail she could and continuously sabotage our attempts to feel at home on her house. She never antagonized us directly, but in several occasions it became clear she was competing with us for our dad’s attention.

Alternatively, I frankly don’t remember when my mom introduced Eddie into our lives, but I’ve been calling him by the nickname from the start. Not having any other children, he walked into our family with open arms. He pampers me and is always getting me stuff and taking me places. I’m not sure I’d call him a new dad - because out of the two of us, I’m the responsible adult - but he surely is my family now.

Finally, just last year, when I was 20, dad introduced the three of us to my new stepmother, who I have no problem calling by her nickname and that was super kind on accommodating the three of us in her life.

So as you can see, how your character refers to their step parent depends on a variety of factors, and it’s up to you to choose how it goes in your story.

Previous divorces

After a couple of divorces, things start to get hairy. Children miss their parents, resent the new step ones, have to addapt to new routines, to seeing their parents less, learn how to deal with this new set of circumstances, including new siblings, new houses, new people. But parents also have messy business going on inside their noggings.

Sometimes, your current step parent was unvolved in the previous one’s abandonment. When you’re a kid, that hardly matter because people won’t tell you anything and even if they do, you don’t understand what it means. When you’re older, there are decisions to be made. If you’ll take a stand and chose one of the person’s side.

Previously, I always took my father and mother’s sides. I regret that decision only once in my life, but what’s done it’s done and I know I did the best I could at the time. Your character will be under a lot of pressure from emotional change. He won’t always make the best or most logical choices. But just know that supporting their step-parents when their parents frick up is an option and it should be considered.

In other times, divorcees might see themselves getting involved with their children’s new siblings that have nothing to do with them. My step mother’s ex-husband grew to really like my youngest sister, for example. These new kinds of families get real complicated really quickly. And taking advantage of that would be a great idea and I’d love to read something like that.

Maturity

Some people are not ready for the responsibility of receiving a sad child of divorcees into their homes. Some people are not used to a reality where not all children are shared and attention from their betrothed needs to be divided. Or they’re not mature to divide how they feel about their spouse about how they feel about their children or their spouse’s children.

This section is here because of one of my stepmothers. She frequently competed with me and my sister for my father’s attention, frequently invented plots we it our mother’s would plan against her and her daughter, and one time even vandalized one of my books because she was mad at me. All the while, trying to make me and my middle sister feel bad about not liking her. When my dad divorced her, she constantly tried to guilty my sister (her daughter) into pitying her and spy in my dad - which my super smart 7 year old of a sister refused and told her to get lost.

She was everything that media said she would be. But when I think of her, I’m not angry at her. I never did anything to antagonize her when they were still together. Because I pity her. She’s not evil, she’s not a bad person. She’s just immature and we all knew it. Out of my six experiences, this was the only truly bad one.

But also, no one is obligated to accept this treatment. At one point, I told my dad I loved him and my sisters, but that from that day forward I would not go to this woman’s house again. I was mature enough, at around 18, to separate what I felt about my dad and sister from what I felt about this woman. And to feel confident in my dad’s love for me to tell him I wasn’t comfortable with this in a non-violent way. And I had the luck that my dad did the same and eventually chose me. Once again, this is not a choice that worked for me and it’s not one everyone can make.

Certainly it would make things interesting. Want examples? Instead of killing parents, try a hard divorce. Try someone choosing themselves over feeling bad at a house. It doesn’t have to be traumatic to work or feel realistic.

Accommodation

The main reason for me to love some of the step-parents that I had is because they accommodated me in their lives, in their homes. Like Aunty Lena, who gave me a bed and closet space in her house. Like Uncle Lulu, who got over his distaste for dogs because I loved them so much and wanted one.

Again about my stepnightmare, she would never have a bed for us at our house and refuse to give us closet space. She’d put down matresses for us and they had to be at their daughter’s room and nowhere else we wanted to choose. These were things that at the time didn’t seem like a big deal - we were hardly ever there - but when comparing to the way Aunty Lena treated me, it was clear that something was wrong.

And this is a major thing I think good step-parents do and it breaks my heart in fiction when it goes under appreaciated. Because it’s no easy feat to open your heart and house to a little person who is literally the product of a love that came before you. And to do it graciously, treat them as your own and help provide for them is such a great effort that I would love to see it praised more.

My sister’s grandmother and my ex-ex-stepmother’s sister

Getting new step parents doesn’t stop at having step and half siblings. It means that you have a whole new step family. Step grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and everything else.

It gets confusing so easily when telling stories. I’ve grown accustomed to asking people if they want the short version of the long version. If it’s the short version, I say “an old lady did this when I was at their house”. If they agree to the longer version (and they normally do), I say my sister’s grandmother was a german old lady who would make pickles and plant flowers. They ask why is she not my grandmother too, and then I explain the whole three divorces thing.

This would very much vary from person to person: how easily they get attached to people, if they live with the new family, if they’re welcomed by the new family. In wife #2’s family, all of the aunties and uncles were my a uncles and aunties because I was still a child. Their mother, however, wasn’t my grandmother. She was Mrs. Paula, because I didn’t feel like she felt like I was her grandchild.

In angry lady’s house, all of her siblings I called by name - because I was older by then and I didn’t feel like they wanted me in the family ( just like said wife). HOWEVER, gossip I heard points that these people were the ones who constantly told this woman off for being rude to me and my sisters and wanted us to stay around. Their children, my sister’s cousins, I love them to death - and I recently found they still love me too.

So take into consideration all of the family mess that can happen. In a post-apocalyptic environment, for example, I would go looking for some of those people. Just imagine someone trying to leave a resistance for your lost sister’s cousin. The leader doesn’t understand: “this person isn’t even your family”, but they don’t know.

You never know until you’re in it.

As I said before, this is a very short guide and it could never encompass the myriad of experiences that compose new types of families, but I did my best. If you feel unsure about any step-situations in your story, shoot me an ask. Also if you have any suggestions on topics you’d like to hear about for your writing.

And again, I’d really really appreciate any adition you can make with your own experiences.

Happy writing!

#writing advice #writing tips #writing #writer #writers #writing guide #writeblr #writing inspiration #writers on tumblr

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blcksirxs-blog · 6 years ago

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matthew daddario; 22; he/him —— is that really sirius black? it’s been so long! did you hear he is studying to be an auror? from what i remember, he was energetic and infectious, but also pretty impatient and arrogant, who knows after all this time. word on the street is, they’re with the order in the war, but that doesn’t define them.

character inspiration: han solo (star wars), sawyer (lost), jake peralta (b99), nathan young (misfits), mike wheeler (stranger things)

pinterest here

sirius is a sassmaster and the worst™

maybe a little bit self destructive. much more concerned about getting the things that he wants instead of what he actually needs. his moral compass is pretty stalwart and he struggles with a lot of guilt for even the things beyond his control.

but he’s just too good at being contrary. if you need sirius for something, the best thing to do is to not ask him to do it. subverting expectations is his hobby. but that also means he can surprise people by a sudden change of heart or an unexpectedly sweet gesture. usually after a moment of reflection, his knee jerk reaction can be selfish. he’s still first and foremost a good person, even at his most irritating.

living meme. actually the most dramatic piece of shit. LITERALLY??? he wants and loves attention he’s great at monopolizing a room and putting himself in the center of things. still pretty immature but he’s getting there? he’s a good time so he puts most people at ease, but there are people that he could annoy with his devil-may-care attitude. he just ain’t serious man. can’t do it. yet another thing is parents got wrong

before he got to school, sirius was very lonely in his parent’s house. he was the first son but nothing else he was supposed to be. silver-tongued and crass, he couldn’t have fit in even if he tried. he did try in the beginning, tried to adopt a steely cruelty like his father and self-righteous sting of his mother. he succeeded somewhat, if it weren’t for the guilt. the parts of himself he hates the most now are the parts he can see are most undeniably like his old family. as dreadfully as they treated him and his younger brother, sirius no longer has interest in changing himself for other people. he’d rather been hard to swallow then back where he was. he was strong enough to come out with his confidence mostly in tact, and only a mild, almost unavoidable dislike of himself. his morality comes from a place of wanting fix what he feels they and others like them have done.

but real talk he is a broKen sad boi?? his family was sucking the life out of him and he jUST RESISTED TAHT SHIT??? proud tbh

he doesn’t allow himself to think about regulus. his soft brother, whose resentment had grown to include him after his founding of a new family in the marauders. the question of whether he actually had done enough to help his brother has mixed in with his usual guilt. he prefers not to think or talk about it. far more healthy.

he gave up too quickly on his lil bro and while i don’t think he’d want to spend time dwelling on it or thinking he should fix his mistake he just??? hakuna matata that shit man. put that past behind ya. too bad hE HAS TO SEE HIM EVERY DAY FUCKING IDIOPT KLJSDFJK

his family is a sore topic.

boi smart. well-- common sense smart? his grades were never great but they weren’t bad either. his performance stemmed more from a lack of effort and the wonderful feeling of spite towards his ever disappointed parents.

hell if he’s not ruled by the big ol’ heart he pretends not to have. he’s pretty emotional and passionate and surprisingly empathetic. he gets charged up about the blood purity thing since he’s seen so much of the worst that that side has to offer

he attac but he also protec. sirius is prone to loud arguments and the occasional scuffle. keeping his mouth shut has never been an option

p impulsive. will lash out when he’s mad/frustrated. childish af. lit ran away from home w zERO PLAN it just happened and yet he doesn’t regret his choices and is proud of where he’s at

channeling that sweet dog energy dude because he has a v natural presence that is hard to resist.

speaking offffff he is a rebel bOI. leather jackets and death stick cigarettes and all the muggle rock and roll. rockstar lifestyle without the talent dAMN. someone help this loser.

he’s obsessed with his motorcycle. it was the first thing with uncle alphard’s inheritance. he spends half the time fixing up the clunky machine, he’s on the verge of getting it to fly and sprucing the piece of junk up. he enjoys it so much, he ought to have done something with the hobby, but he followed his friends to university to become an auror. the war hangs over his head, he has inexplicable and unreasonable survivor’s guilt and feels the need to against everything

fun time guy.. down to clown. all that jazz

actually loves his brothers. he sees that remus and james and peter are his true family. he would die for them. meeting them changed everything for him and??? wow im actually crying.

you’d think he would be better at telling them how much they mean to him

ya boi is arrogant as fuck. he’s woke but damn those black genes sure have some ego. he gets some pleasure out of hearing how great he is. hATE HIM PLS. i know. it’s hard.

IDK MAN. IT’S SIRIUS??? LOVE THAT LITTLE DOG BOY lmk if you have anything you’d like to plot!

#resurectiointro #* ∘⡊ ☾ ˚⊹ ᵃʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵗʰᶤᶰᵍ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵃ ˡᶤᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵃᶰᵈ ᶜᵃˡˡᶤᶰᵍ ᶤᵗ ᵃ ˡᶤᶠᵉ ? ⊹ — { about }

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anthropologicalhands · 6 years ago

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commentary meme: to sweet beginnings and (bitter) endings - the whole section that begins with 'being with rebecca is a total wHirlwind'

Being with Rebecca is a total whirlwind. She’s incredibly smart and enthusiastic and really fun to kiss and before Josh knows it they are a couple. She can talk about anything for hours, but she also listens to him intently, the way people back home sometimes don’t, like what he says matters. She thinks it’s amazing how good he is with the younger kids and how he helps out, and never teases him for his regular visits to the chapel

So this section is really meant to give a sense of what Josh and Rebecca’s puppy love was like. Given Josh’s conflicts later in the series and how used he is to getting attention, it seemed natural that he would sort of fall into a relationship with Rebecca - that he would like her and be attracted to her, but Rebecca initiated the relationship and he went along with it. The affection is genuine and I think they probably shared a level of enthusiasm beyond the other camp participants, but Josh is entering it because it is flattering that someone so interesting is into him and they have a nice connection, if not a super special one (to him). Which isn’t a bad way to enter a relationship, but the mismatched expectations are really unfortunate.

But she has mood swings, especially after auditions and the call sheet goes up, and she misses the lead, though she still throws herself into her role with every bit of enthusiasm she has.

Because they are together, she confides all kinds of things in him. Rebecca takes everything seriously and sometimes it gets dark and he’s not sure if he should be giving her a hug or saying something, anything.

She never seems to hold his missteps against him, at least, but he still feels like a let-down.

Josh has had a very sheltered, happy life - his parents have a healthy marriage and clearly raised him very well, and it seems like that is the same across his friend group (even with Greg, whose parents got divorced, they very clearly love him). His family doesn’t seem to have any money troubles, and while there could be family drama down in his extended family, they are either far enough away not to affect him directly, or it is not in these specific areas.

Rebecca, meanwhile, has had a very unhappy childhood. This is her first time being happy, by her own admission. And because she’s happy and feels safe with Josh, she is very open with him about everything she is feeling - look at how she mentions threatening suicidal thoughts so casually! Plus, she is sixteen and feels things very deeply, so I think Josh might have seen her in some dark moments, even if she might try to cover them up/brush them off when she saw that he wasn’t sure how to react.

Josh would be very thrown through a loop, because he has never felt that kind of deep unhappiness, or witnessed it in the people around him, and it would be complicated, because he would want to be able to comfort her and make her feel better, but then she brushes it off when he tries, so maybe he read things wrong? But then sometimes he thinks he catches on that she is disappointed by how he reacted, so he just feels lost in a situation he has never been in before.

I think for occasions like her aunt dying, where it is unambiguous that she needs comforting, he probably felt more comfortable and in his element as a supportive boyfriend. But otherwise, I think that kind of confusion when Rebecca is handling her own disappointment and other negative emotions would keep him from feeling comfortable in the relationship in the way he is comfortable, with, say, Valencia.

She despairs and despises her mother in turns and the only thing he really knows about her dad is that he got her to camp and that his nickname is the Westchester Sperm Machine and that…says a lot.

It makes him uncomfortable; he can’t imagine ever speaking about his parents in that way, ever.

Even when he meets Naomi Bunch in person and gets interrogated within an inch of his life about the status of Rebecca’s hymen and okay, he kind of understands a little better, it still unnerves him to hear Rebecca talk so disrespectfully to her parents.

This part is very much my extrapolation on Josh based on my own experiences (though mine is Vietnamese, not Filipino) and talking with friends, but in this section, Josh’s discomfort about Rebecca’s relationship with parents might also be subconsciously cultural as well as just the inexperience of dealing with family dysfunction. While I think that Josh’s parents probably did coddle him more than is healthy, I would bet that when they set down firm rules for him, he would not disregard them, and I doubt he had a rebellious phase - he strikes me very fundamentally as a “good kid”. I think he has a very viewpoint that parents are trustworthy and you should listen to them and that their opinions/advice are very important. Even knowing that Rebecca’s parents are garbage, it might be hard for him to hear her talk about them so harshly when his concept of family is so strong and firmly positive. It’s hardly a dealbreaker, but it is just another factor that makes the relationship uncomfortable for him and highlights their differences.

As summer goes on, he gets a little homesick. He finds himself thinking of Valencia more and more, who might be bossy and overbearing, but he’s known her since forever—he knows what to say with her, to turn a frown into a smile reliably, without fail.

I don’t think Josh and Rebecca ever really fought while they were together, but that as time went on, Josh just kind of disengaged emotionally even as Rebecca got more passionately attached. Valencia might also be intense, but unlike Rebecca, she is incredibly familiar to Josh - she’s from the same town, she has the same reactions to things. And Josh likes being comfortable and predictable. Plus, time away from Valencia has probably softened his image of her, so he is also idealizing a little bit, here. He’s ready to go back to the life he knows, and unfortunately, that doesn’t include Rebecca.

At the end of the summer, he ends things. Sure, it was fun, but he needs to concentrate on baseball and SATs, they live several states away, and they are different people.

Josh is thoughtless and a little too abrupt when he breaks up with Rebecca, in my opinion, but also I think he really is just being a teenage boy. He’s not interested anymore, so he does the right thing by ending it. He absolutely could have done it better, and taken Rebecca’s feelings into consideration to let her down easy, but those aren’t bad reasons to break up with someone. It’s just heartbreaking when you know how few happy relationships Rebecca has had in her life.

But it’ll be fine, there’s no bad will. They’ll be cool. He’s sure of it.

Josh’s obliviousness comes into play here - if he sees nothing wrong in breaking up, then obviously Rebecca will feel the same. It’s not like they had a fight or anything, so there was no drama to make them sad. Why wouldn’t Rebecca feel the same way about their relationship as he did? It’s an immature viewpoint, but hardly a villainous one.

#notbang #writing meme reply #thanks!#ellie writes fic #fic commentary #i do like this fic and thinking about what originally attracted them together

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dangermousie · 4 years ago

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Heelo mousie! Love your blog! Do you mind recommending some of your favourite Chinese BL novels or shows?

I've seen the untamed and read it. I'm currently reading heaven's official blessing and I saw the donghua. Anything other than these two?

Awww, thank you!

Novels: I am gonna be lazy and literally copy/paste the entire danmei section of my top 10 web novels post (except MXTX’s stuff since you are already reading it.) Let me know if you need help finding any of these.

Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

The Wife is First - OK, this one did not make my top 10 web novels but it’s a sweet, fun gay cottagecore fest. Our ML, a royal prince, and his spouse, a smart if delicate aristocrat, keep house, eat noodles, play with their pet tiger, make out and spoil each other rotten, while occasionally fighting battles and outwitting their court enemies. It’s so very mellow. That couple redefines low drama - they are both nice and functional and use their brains. It’s as if a nice jock and a nice nerd got together and then proceeded to be wholesome all over the place.

I mean, the set up could be dramatic - our ML the prince, lost his fight for the throne and is about to be killed. The only person who stayed loyal to him is his arranged husband the aristocrat guy who ML never treated nicely since he resented marrying him (marrying a man in that world is done to remove someone from the ability to inherit the throne.) And yet the husband stood by him not out of love but beliefs in loyalty blah blah. Anyway, he transmigrates back into the past right after their wedding night and is all “I got a second chance OMG! I don’t want the throne what is even the point? I want to live a good long life and treat the only person who stood by me really well!” And he proceeds to do so to the shock of the aristocrat who had a very unpleasant wedding night and generally can tell the man he just married would rather eat nails than be married to him. But soon enough (no seriously, it’s not many chapters at all) he believes the prince is sincere blah blah and then they get together and they pretty much become cottagecore goals.

In terms of dramas, I only do period dramas (or novels) so I am not the person to be able to recommend any modern BLs. There is a flood of upcoming (hopefully) period BL dramas but it’s relatively thin on the ground now. The two I will recommend is Word of Honor (which is AMAZING) and Winter Begonia (which I just started watching but which owns me already.) I have a tag for both - the one for the former is huge and I cannot recommend either strongly enough. I’ve heard good things about The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, but I am not big on mysteries so haven’t watched it for myself.

In terms of the upcoming BLs, the ones I am most looking forward to are Immortality and Winner Is King, but The Society of the Four Leaves also looks promising.

#asks #cdrama #cnovel

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gulmoregirls · 6 years ago

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Hey! Sorry for the lack of updates — there’s no excuse this time. I just kind of forgot to post, mostly because nothing overly exciting happened (with the hype and high point of s3 ending, the dean thing didn’t motivated me enough to come here express my hate)

But anyway, here i am! I can’t even remember when i stopped here. So, the good old recap it is.

Luke and Lorelai finally happening, little by little in s4, is everything we ever wanted. My mom was really glad, cause we are huge javajunkies here in this house. Kirk is becoming more and more my favorite character ever. He’s so extra it’s everything.

If that’s wasn’t established before, lemme make it clearer — Rory Gilmore is cancelled. She’s SO out of character, it’s annoying. College Rory is by far not what anyone expected based on previous experiences, and that includes me and my mom. Specially with the whole Dean thing. But that’s REALLY something, so I’m gonna elaborate on that.

For good part of the season Dean has been being mentioned as a good guy, rory’s sweet ex who her ex classmates remember. It’s just annoying! This entire arc with Dean makes no sense — I mean, I know Rory was a bit lost and needed someone comfortable she knew and who she knew wouldn’t challenge her enough. Just something old and familiar. BUT THE OLD AND FAMILIAR BOY IS MARRIED. And the famous smart Rory (season 1 rory) would never do such thing. It was terrible. Poor Lindsay!! She deserved so much better than an idiot as her unfaithful husband. It just disgusts me. In my opinion, it was not necessary to ruin Deans character like that. He could be remembered as the sweet first love that did his best, but instead asp made him a total jerk, and that’s the memory that sticks. And if Rory had to be so out of herself — go thru come kind of crises of something — i’d rather she had took off with jess instead. at least he wasn’t married and truly loved her. Not that wish it had happened — would be just as random as sleeping with a married guy. But between getting together with the married ex and running away with the unpredictable one, i guess the less problematic alternative is really obvious.

Before we pass to the 5th season, let’s discuss jess then. I love his evolution. Wish we had seen it more closely in his spin-off. How he agrees to be at Liz’s wedding after everything he went through with her. And the way he reads Luke’s self-help/relationship books and decides to take an action. Even tho it was kind of crazy, it shows inniciative and I’ll give him that. Ignore this if you think that’s just a jess mariano supremacist saying shit.

OKAY SEASON FIVE

Lorelai and Luke ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤧💝

best part of the season by far.

Somehow, Rory’s relationship with Dean managed to be just as crappy as it was when he was married. Why couldn’t they just move on, right? It was annoying and the last drop that made us hate rory. don’t mind me — i can hate her and love her at the same time. She’s so stupid my crackhead heroin addicted daughter.

Even tho I’m not a team Logan, his appearance helped. He challenged Rory and made her realize that the world is more than that Dean-bubble she was in. During this season i could easily see myself as a sophies.

Then, of course, there’s the proof of how Rory can be DUMB. dropping out of Yale. Season six now.

How she refugees at her grandparent’s at the first sign of trouble and even so finds herself so independent, and the way she cuts off her mom just for wanting what’s best for her. Immature and spoiled.

Besides that, it bugs me that Logan was right there by her side and did NOTHING. Literally, the only thing he did was say that “in less than a month she would be back”. When that month passed by, he did nothing — possibly didn’t even noticed. In fact, I guess he was kind of liking her new life. After all, she did started to have more time for him. That’s probably why i don’t like their relationship (more reasons to come). Rory started to act as if she was him and completely lost track of her true self - even more than before. In her Chilton graduation she says that the person the most wanted to be was Lorelai, but she ended becoming the exact opposite, Emily. The DAR, the maids, dropping out of school, not battling for her stuff, just accepting and BESIDES THIS, acting all superior/wild and stealing a boat. THATS NOT HER. Ok, I get that she was upset because of Mitchum, but it’s not an excuse to that behavior. Plus, the real Rory Gilmore would have used his words as motivation to work even harder and prove him wrong.

In how many languages can you say THANK YOU, JESS ??????

He made her open her eyes - finally - and get her shit back together. He was so important!! And besides, the way he has made his life?? CAN YOU SAY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT????? LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE ON THE BACK!!!!

Lemme tell you, he is doing better than rory — who would have thought, right? The punk hoodlum rebel who dropped out of highschool was doing better than the private school girl straight As girl who got into Yale. And he’s happier too. Guy wrote a fucking book after several problematic life scenarios and is now working with people he likes doing what he has always loved. Ughhhh he has my entire heart.

Paul Anka, BTW!! love him 🤧😍

I also love how Lorelai proposed to Luke. They are goals. When she saw how much he cared for Rory, she was sure. In fact, maybe she was already sure, just needed a little push. And then all the signs and the snow!! I almost cried.

Now the Logan thing again. I like him — I swear!! I know it seems like i hate him and maybe i did when i first watched it, but now i see he is not that bad. But their relationship- nah. They’re annoying and rory has her weight on that, but that’s not just it. They’re cute, but there’s something missing. AND HE CHEATED ON HER. His story doesn’t match. It’s bad enough to break up with someone without them knowing. In fact, it’s REALLY bad. Rory was so confused and devastated. He should be more mature than that. Than ok, he says is just something he said Honor to make her stop talking. But then he sleeps with the bridesmaids. If he was honest with Rory and really didn’t mean it when he said they were broken up, then he TRULY cheated on Rory. If he lied about that, then he really decided that they were apart on his own. Their fight wasn’t even that serious, and he didn’t even reach out to her after that. The way she found out both times — through someone else — that is just wrong. Then he crows back buying her with money and stuff he knows she loved and she suddenly forgives him and moves in with the guy. Wrong too, ugh. Paris’ speech about Logan was everything. We deserved healing Paris and Rory growing their friendship together for more than five minutes.

I said she forgave him, right? Well, maybe not after all, because she wants a little revenge and decides to play with someone else’s real feelings. cold!! baby deserves better ); and then he gets into an accident and it’s all forgotten. ok....

just here to say that jess deserved recognition. He was the whole reason Rory came back and he did something great with his life. Still Lorelai sees him as the immature 17 yo he was. We were robbed of a great duo, them both. Their humor is really alike, a shame...

APRIL.

Poor girl, she doesn’t deserves all the hate. It’s not her fault duuuh

Asp could have made up something better for Luke this season. I think the storyline was a little non-sense and Luke, my sweet baby, gained my hate too.

Well, maybe not HATE but yeah i get where he’s coming from but it’s no excuse to lie to Lorelai and ruin their relationship. It was a pitty, really.

Then Lorelai coming to chris! what a breakdown huh? I guess it was expected, but i really hated it.

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a-writing-bear · 7 years ago

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[AmeriPan - Permission To Date]

This is a Request fic written for @lonelymarblesoda !

Note: I am so very flattered by your sweet compliments! I hope you enjoy this fic as much as I did writing it. It was a great stress reliever for me and your prompt was very cute that I got carried away with fluff honestly <3 Sorry there’s more dialogue than intended!

Ao3 Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009922

This Has been cross-posted onto FF & Ao3 under Aliases: BearBooper

You can read this Fic on Tumblr under ‘Keep Reading’

Fandom: Hetalia Axis Powers

Pairing: America and Japan

Word Count: 2,742

Age Rating/Mature: All Audiences :)

Prompt: “Howdy, I'm the anon from earlier! Sorry for being shy (^^;) Since you're still taking requests, I was wondering if you were willing to do a fluffy ameripan fanfic where their relationship is revealed at a world meeting (or something along those lines)? Ψ(´▽｀)Ψ”

With an exhausted sigh and soft smile, Alfred pulled into the driveway of his Virginia home; the ignition silencing as he crossed his arms and rested his head on the now-still driving wheel, gazing upon his tall red brick house. Amused at the pristine garden and the open porch - This was another estate that his Government had preened and made proper, All the way to a point where it almost looked too perfect off a pamphlet. Unlike his apartment in New York, this house had been filled with some sort of personalisation yet Alfred still felt no completeness towards it. Alexandria was an old but beautiful charming town and it felt fitting to have his work home so close to DC. It was embarrassing to admit its old Victorian real estate made him feel much calmer compared to other parts of the city, A piece of his past residing within the restored cobbled paths.

His little thoughts drifted away as he slowly got out the car, humming to himself. It was a short drive back from work and after a long day of going over tomorrow's preparations made him gutsy and giddy. Tomorrow he'd have to fly into New York for a UN Personification meeting - undoubtedly with the expectation to make some more pesky deals and fix it what was going on with discussions of some new global catastrophes. Ah. One more look at his front door he delved into the wish he was a normal person. He wouldn't have to deal with such messes if that were the case.

However, he thought as he jammed his key into the mahogany door, there was one good thing about having a meeting tomorrow...

"Hey, I'm home!" His voice rang out loudly and through the living room doorway he heard a ruffling and a quieter voice muffled through what he assumed was a pillow.

"Welcome home.." Whenever they had a New York UN meetup, Kiku had an excuse to come over early and spend some more couple time. They weren't exactly the conventional couple who could enjoy each other's company constantly but he supposed this was enough. He wouldn't want to take Japan away from his livelihood anyway.

The blond padded his way to the living room after shedding his coat and shuffling off his boots. His smile growing wider as he finds Kiku lazing around on the comfy couch in his bright red sweats with Pochi on his chest. Plopping down onto the couch, nearly on the Japanese man's legs, He pulled Pochi off carefully. The hairy creature wriggling in his arms huffed as he released it onto the floor; Obviously, Pochi was not as excited to see him as the creature scampered off somewhere further into the house. Kiku had insisted on bringing his dog over as it would whimper without him. America Leaned down, almost tipping over to lay on his boyfriend.

"Have you been laying here all day Keeks?" locks of hairs splayed onto the shorter man's shirt as Alfred squirmed his way to lie down beside him- it was quite cramped and a miracle he didn't push Japan straight off his tiny couch.

Kiku opened his eyes, the charcoal eyes seemed to dull as he stared unamused at the man who had wormed his arms onto him. Kiku never really was that good with cuddling but he made compromises for his affectionate American lover.

"No. I did work for tomorrow and called the embassy to forward some papers back to Japan," he whispered as he craned his head over to Alfred's face. The two basked in each other’s embrace for a while as the American sneaked in a few kisses while talking about their days, Japan lamenting the lack of interesting tv shows to watch and Alfred venting about the new intern who spilt coffee in his office. Comfort hung in the air happily.

The two spent the evening packing up work papers and tapping away at tiny shiny laptops, documents astray across the bed in preparation for tomorrow. Alfred had just finished and settled under his comforter while watching Keeks still typing away, legs crossed on the blanket and brow furrowed in concentration when it hit him.

He hadn’t told any of his closest allies about his newfound relationship (well- newly established, he and Keeks had been dancing around each other for centuries). Should he be freaking out over this detail? In terms of relationship milestones, Immortals such as them had very few; living long left very little opportunities for firsts and to be honest getting a stable relationship wasn't a thing people like them did. He'd admit, he was the one who would make a deal out of these sorta events whereas Japan was more reserved of their close relationship. Alfred gulped, thinking hard whether or not it was necessary to say the words that were already spilling from his lips

"Can I tell Matthew about us?" clicking and clacking came to a halt and Kiku had looked up but still ahead, gazing at the painting opposite him hanging loosely on the wall - some Italian painting obviously gifted by Feli. America felt disappointed all of a sudden, letting out a breath he didn't realise he had captured. Maybe he should have left the topic for another day. A few seconds later Kiku had resumed typing on what looked like some new policy proposal and with absently minded disinterest had replied with so much but a passing glance.

"He already knows Al.” voice slightly airy with cocky amusement as Alfred spluttered and shifted in the shared bed. Kiku suddenly felt uncomfortable as he felt cerulean blue depths bury themselves into his back; shutting his laptop and discarding it on the bedside table he fell backwards onto the feather pillow next to his boyfriend - the word felt foreign on his tongue (A bit immature? Boyfriend sounded kiddy.). For a while, they exchanged nothing but awkward glances before Alfred caved and intertwined his palm with Kiku’s.

“You know I’m traditional. I had to ask him if he would all-”

“You asked my brother if you had permission to date me?!” Kiku’s blank face did nothing but Make Alfred laugh even harder. “Kiku. We aren’t like- we aren’t teenagers. I’m literally hundreds of years old, fuck your Millions-” the black haired man shrunk further into the bed in annoyance of his age and quickly pushed a pillow between himself and his cackling lover.

“It’s how I do things. It’s polite and you're brother was kind about it. Did he not tell you?” Alfred threw the pillow barrier towards the bottom of the bed before scooting over closer to the Japanese man, who was getting more embarrassed and flustered by the minute.

“Nah. Mattie knows when there are times I don’t need to know things. I’m surprised that’s all.” he felt breathlessly in love and voiceless with contentedness at the other nation’s admission. It felt oddly nice to be…’courted’ in such an old way. “Besides, If anything, I expected you to bring it up with old man Artie or even Francis…”

Kiku turned, puzzled expression painted prettily on his face- which was only inches away from Alfred’s. “...I’m not marrying you. Why would I ask Mr Eng-”

A pillow cut him off unexpectedly as Alfred nearly fell off the bed in complete hilarity. Kiku was about to pout and say something more. With a few attempts at explaining why there was no point to marriage due to their immortality, Kiku floundered. As he peeked over the edge of where America had fallen off, he himself broke into a small smile. Alfred’s glasses had gone askew and were currently red in the face from the overexerting giggles. As the pair quieted down for the night they felt secure; Tomorrow would be fine, for now, America just wanted a cuddle.

Alfred’s feet tapped violently as he basically bounced off each step of his creaky staircase. Bounding off into the kitchen to pack some last minutes notes he had left on a table. He shouted out impatiently:

“KEEKS COME ON! WE’VE GOT TO GET TO NEW YORK!” he was in a complete flurry as he zoomed around, enthusiastic and frantic to get to their private plane on time- his bosses would skewer him if he delayed any longer, and no doubt Japan’s embassy would be in a fit if he were late too.

Speaking of the Asian nation, the man himself with all the grace and peace in the world came down. Dressed in a western style suit, Kiku readjusted his red tie and tutted himself for his messy morning hair, stoic glance nitpicking every corner of his newly tailored clothes. At the sight of Kiku’s very neat and smart look, Alfred swooned a little, puppy eyes widening as he quickly stole a kiss - which was received with a red face and another ‘tsch’ of shyness - before pushing his cute partner out the door and practically throwing both their briefcases into the car. The plane ride was uneventful and even when the planes kissed the clouds the only view that captivated the Alfred was the silly way Kiku had tried to keep himself occupied; sudoku books were the way to go apparently.

As the other nations began to file in, one by one, Alfred appeased his boss’s anxiety by greeting them all, including old-time allies such as the NATO nations and even the newer ambassadors. Japan had been lost in the mix, both had agreed to carry on as if they had entered separately - not because they didn’t want to show off, but instead to avoid making it difficult to sort out guest arrangements. Alfred fiddled with his watch as he made his own way to the front of the table. Familiar faces filled the large room. England had already buried his desk area with paper as France somehow charmed an admin into getting him a coffee. One look at the other end and he witness Germany scribbling incessantly and the myriad of eastern Europeans personifications huddled up avoiding the Russian. Witnessing Denmark and Sweden already debating on new guidelines, Alfred gulped. It was going to be a tiring day.

Talk after talk, speech and updates floated by and although his hands were writing his notes and his voice kept him engaged in conversation, his heart had decided to tether his brain to the thought of Kiku. The beauty who was sitting on his left. Already Kiku had resigned himself to a conversation between China and South Korea and was looking adequately bored over the talk of generic ocean trade talks. Coughing as inconspicuously as possible Alfred signalled to his partner and took his hand under the table, smoothing his thumb to reassure him of the time not being wasted. Both had shuffled in the movement and although Alfred was rambling on in response to something Arthur had spoken, the ever diligent Matthew noticed such a carelessly romantic gesture. Canada had been seated on Alfred’s right, and with only a second to glance at what had occurred he snorted and rolled his eyes before nudging his brother in utter glee. He was happy his overly ambitious brother found something as calming as a relationship for his very hectic lifestyle.

Matthew whispered to his brother and bordering Ally, “Congrats Alfie, however, If you think you’re being smooth you’re- as usual- idiotic.”

“You’re just jealous Gilbert is stuck in Germany holding the fort. Anyway, when were you gonna tell me Japan asked you for permission huh?t” with a shrug and a kick to his knee under the table the two merely laughed it off, Francis and Arthur were confused at the NA brothers sudden cheeriness. Noticing this, Kiku turned to his secret partner, squeezing his hand tight enough that Alfred nearly yipped when he went to turn to him:

“I’m not sure if your conversation with Matthew-san is appropriate right now.” Matthew gave a sheepish glance as if to say sorry but suddenly just as the 3 of them tried to get back to task Francis had enough of missing out on a joke before quizzically pushing in to ask rather loudly.

“May I know what was not appropriate? It’s rude to leave friends out of a conversation is it not?” next to him even the Englishman nodded, interested in what was going on and before Alfred could deflect he hear a subtle Japanese swear roll of Kiku’s breath and something he thought he’d never hear even within his long-ass lifetime:

“I was telling Matthew how my relationship with Alfred was not of matter as of this moment.”

The room fell into silence. America’s suit felt too tight and he was unsure if it was the nerves of so many countries falling to a standstill or if it was his heart pumping way too hard after hearing Kiku practically announce out their very private relations. In a bit of shock, Alfred had stood up hastily, but his laced hands with Kiku dragged the Japanese delegation up with him- making the situation look even more entertainingly obvious. With a loud slap on the table, Arthur pushed his chair out and stood up as well, the man had a very irked expression.

“How did you tell Matthew about this before me?!” At this point Francis had broken out into a wide mouth smile, still seated and leaned his head onto England’s hip while trying to soothe the seething British man with a couple pats on the back. The long-haired Frenchman calmed Arthur down, chattering away about the etiquette of young love and it’s failure to respect their elders. For once in his lifetime, it almost seemed like Arthur and Francis were a couple of genuine parents lamenting over a son who had eloped without any contact. They all sat down slowly and Kiku had already turned to sort out the gaping look from his Asian counterparts. The conversation ceased to exist as the situation dissolved back into the murmurs of the nations. Soon, the conference ended and as each country left with a joyful congratulatory smile over fruitful debate and strong handshakes with closed deals. Even his least friendly connections gave him a note of thanks and wishes for the best. He saw Arthur and Francis alongside Matthew gathering in one corner of the now empty room, whereas Kiku was purposely packing away at a snail’s pace, stalling till Alfred came over.

“Keeks. You didn’t….why did you do that?”

“It’s not a secret. You said you wanted me to tell your former mentors Alfred. They have a right to know.” The American squished the smaller man into a close hug and a chaste kiss on the forehead before hearing a distinct “ahem”. Shaking Kiku’s hand firmly, Arthur looked Japan up and down before smiling uncharacteristically and pulling him into a hug- catching an unaware Japan quite well. Granted he had known England for while but he never knew he would be greeted with such glee and care. France had given Kiku some good pats and a big hug before chanting some famous French proverb and singing a dilly-dallying rendition of “la vie en rose” much to England and Canada’s despair. The other NA brother merely nodded proudly at Kiku and the short man appreciated that; he had enough hugs for today honestly.

Meekly he commented, already pulled close by a bashful Alfred, “I hope this won't interfere any deals in the future, Mr England and Mr France.” but his serious tone was met with only more exhilarated kindness.

“Enough with formalities for now. Of Course not Kiku. Here we are no longer Countries but ourselves. It is not America and Japan who are together in the way Alfred and Kiku are. Don’t let work change that.” Not really understanding but still thankful for the sentiment, the couple bid the 3 other men off and hopped back onto a plane. This time it was bound for Japan, and Alfred had already packed a bag and Pochi was already running down the walkway of the plane. The 2 sat patiently together on the flight, bathing in each other’s solitude before being interrupted by Japan’s phone dinging erratically- Yao had been calling.

So much for being quiet about things, Alfred Mused as his now public boyfriend fumbled to pick up the call. He only hoped China didn’t mind that he never ask for permission to date Kiku.

Oh well.

#aph japan #aph america #ameripan #hetalia axis powers #hetalia #Hetalia Fanfiction #prompt fic #fanfic #oneshots #request #america x japan

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justeonelemoncoffee · 7 years ago

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part of gifted!steven au

(not really)

“so basically steven is a snow white.”

“steven is what?” the words, it makes andrew look up from laptop. so engrossed in the work, he didn’t noticed someone walks in. the office has been uncharacteristically quite since most of them had to go out to work. taking advantage of it, andrew enjoyed the rare moment, taking off headphone even. until it isn’t.

a host member of the try guys, keith smirk at bewildered look on his face. before he know it, the others show up too.

“basically i’m not.” and steven. who followed them as camera crew in the early morning. it was take more time than andrew expected. steven was holding a paper cup, he comes to andrew straight, put the coffee down front of him. it was still warm. almost involuntarily, he raises the cup to his lips and murmured thank you, steven smile down at him. then sit against desk which is andrew’s as if he belong to there. he did that often, maybe too often. not that andrew minded though.

“you are. you’re the princess. you should be watch out apples. someone might poison you.” zack, the other try guys member stepped into the scene.

“yeah, since you’re filming worth it…” eugene who’s standing next to zack, agrees too. he takes out his cellphone and showed something to others. ned laughed out loud as keith cackles at the same time. apparently, it seems they all had fun at wildlife rescue center. andrew wonders what happened during the filming. he notices all of them looked tired. it probably was long shoot. helping animals aren’t easy work. especially if they are wildlife. among them, steven looks drawn, a little pale even. andrew is beginning to worry him.

“very funny. and why is a princess by the way?” apparently, steven dosen’t seem to have fun as much as the others.

“because it’s away more fun than just call you a prince.” zach says, wearing shit-eating grin on his face. steven groaned, cross his arm and obviously pouts now. he retorted something back to them. although he didn’t seem to really upset with them, apart from camera, annoyed steven isn’t something you can see everyday. andrew couldn’t help but staring the view.

“call me princess again, i’m going to…”

“…sleep and wait for prince charming.” zack interrupts him, just for completes the sentence by himself. steven huffs, he shakes his head and stare them flatly like he’s a parent who can’t deal with the immature acts of his children. which is absurd and also hilarious, because he’s steven lim. most childish adult andrew ever met. and he works in buzzfeed.

“i hate you all. except andrew. because andrew is nice unlike you guys.”

steven says and nods solemnly. andrew can’t help allows to himself admit it’s a cute sight.

“you mean, because andrew is ‘the one’?”

“you know what? i’m done here.”

steven raises himself upright from andrew’s desk, glares at them. then without a word, he walks out through office door dramatically. considering his overeacting, almost playful expression, he isn’t really upset. andrew relaxes. he can’t remember when it started exactly, but steven’s well being is important to him somehow. before steven stumped off, muttering something under his breath. something like ‘troll guys.’ well, andrew thinks they deserve it.

when steven is out of sight, andrew turned back, raise his eyebrows to them. “snow white, huh?”

“i thought it better than ‘living catnip’ because it was called already.” keith shrugs, of course, there’s no sigh of dependance. actually it doesn’t need to be. to be honest, it happens all the time, ‘teasing steven’ to put it bluntly. although they never intended to mean to him or hurt him (if someone did, the freak is gonna be buried alive under the buzzed HQ. andrew would be the first one who grabs a shovel and starts digging ground. probably adam too, he’ll be the second.) people doing that just to see his reaction. includes andrew himself. in his defense, it wasn’t their fault. his reaction is too fun and adorable when being teased. steven knows that too. people tease him because they fond of him. even though doesn’t get the reason. in other worlds, as long as there’s no harm, steven didn’t mind the teases.

(okay, maybe he sulked once or twice) this time is no different. but andrew knows better than that. something bothers steven. and it bothers him.

maybe not for everybody, but it’s obvious to his eyes. andrew wonders if even steven realize his own feeling. for a remarkably smart person, also preternaturally keen to other’s emotion, steven doesn’t have a clue about himself. sometimes it looks like, he simply forgot that he has a feeling too. to him, it’s a very interesting process to watch. sympathy too. at least he’s an open book, so andrew can take care of him. it isn’t necessary job though. andrew knows that, he doesn’t need to watch over steven, or babysit him. no. no matter how many time steven acts like a child, he’s a respectable adult and he can do things properly when he has to.

it just, it feels wrong, to seeing steven is being hurt. he hates it. don’t even want to think about it. andrew just wants to make sure that troubles keep out of his way, make sure something won’t let hurt him. keep him safe. that’s what friends do. right? standing by side watching over each others back. although to andrew that’s not enough. steven no need to know about that. so he just waited until steven left the office.

“why steven became disney princess, suddenly? did something happened in there?” adrew asks, the try guys look each others, grin spreads on their faces. like they recalled good old memory. and what is that? it’s been only few hours. before andrew lost his patience, zach smirks at him and open his mouse finally. “something happened indeed. we almost dropped out the filming because steven has new stalkers.”

“he had what.” andrew knows his voice rises, but he don’t care about that. not now.

“relax, nothing serious, i mean, just animals.” ned adds quickly, holding his hands as if trying to calm him down like andrew is about two seconds from turn to some dangerous creature while zack just waves him off.

“yeah, animals like bunny and furries or some kind of deers. isn’t it typical? it is, you know, one of essential conditions for being princess.” he says in sarcastic tone. but andrew can sense affection in there.

“we tried to making friends with them. so we had to cleaning stalls and washing them, feeding food and helping them, something more to build to gain their trust.” eugene says while eating snack. must be hungry. he shoves a handful of chips into mouth. so zach has to tell instead of him. “they did. with only steven. and that wasn’t fair. he didn’t even help the cleaning!” he exclaimed, fake indignantly.

because he had to holding a camera. or boom mic. but andrew don’t say it out loud. hold it to himself. he don’t want to showing of his favoritism. no more than he’s shown it so far.

“if it wasn’t funcking adorable. i’d stop filming and came back to the office without him. we had to wait for hours.”

“maybe we should have to sing to them.” ned added, everyone laugh again.

even they say like that, it’s obvious they were enjoying the filming. finish his snack, eugene approached to him with camera. “let me show you, here.”

first one. the view starts from entrance of the center. then scene shifted to a forest, look like almost nature thing. andrew impressed. if he don’t see fences and some facilities across divided districts, he might believe it is. and there’s some animals too. camera zoom in on them. they’re scatters here and there on an area. some deers, rabbits. maybe it’s herbivorous zone. at first, the animals didn’t recognize someone watching them. it was a calm, peaceful scene. then suddenly the video footage was shaking a bit like the camera man was ambushed by something. angle down rapidly, almost falls to ground. fortunately the crew managed to catch the camera before hitting on ground. the angle back to normal with a sigh go relief, andrew knows the voice, at the same time his eyes catch sneakers and immediately notices who’s the sneakers’s owner. soon, the sneakers covered by mottled fluffy balls. andrew finds himself melts a bit at the scene. then he heard, ‘i knew it’ somewhat resignedly, steven mumbled in camera.

move on to next one, steven appears in middle of the footage, he sat down surrounded by small animals. a bunny on his lap, others perches on his legs. steven was busy to petting them by turn. deeply concentrated on what he is doing, steven didn’t seem to notice camera at first. he occasionally nodded, lifted his head to only speak to someone who outside of the footage. probably center staff, andrew guesses. from the way steven’s hands moving over anlmals, it looks like he asking things about the animals around him. andrew don’t understand what they’re talked, but it rather affected steven considering his expression; sad, sympathy. worry, all emotions mixed on his face and it looks almost painful. but his touch for them is so gentle and tender. andrew tries not to feel jealous of. these grass eaters. don’t be stupid, illyckyj. after steven did comfort them for a while, finally he tried to up. but a deer nudged him to sitting position again.

the try guys are right. it’s unfair. for he can’t see this in person.

“see? snow princess.” keith says. andrew don’t agree with that, he just says nothing. just stare at the camera. “it seems like, steven has them wrapped around his finger too, huh.” he don’t disagree either.

camera zoom in on, so he can see that steven speak something to her(or him. he don’t know.) with smiling fondly. when andrew thinks their face too close, as i on cue, they brush each others nose accidently. at moment steven looked dumbfound. then he burst out laugh. it sounds happy.

“you’re smiling.” ned says with teasing tone. like he knows that what’s going on there, inside of his head.

“no, i’m not.” andrew frowns instantly, realized that he’s not alone. but it’s too late. even though it’s not exactly secret, still embarrassing to admit to them. even himself. he don’t used to this kind of thing. feeling. of course, he’s been experience of some relationships since teen, through casual to serious term in a way. he dated before, the last one is not too long ago. but it’s different. it’s feels different. andrew never been in here before. that’ why he can’t define his feeling for steven. because steven, for an open book, he’s still an enigma to andrew. and he even don’t know that he really wants to solve this or not. maybe both. what an irony. like steven himself. it’s frustrated him no end. maybe he’s just curious. or not. curiosity never make him fluttering like this.

“i know. this is my favorite too.” ned adds, ignoring his answer. then he smirks at andrew, like he knows what’s going on inside of his head. technically it’s not possible. andrew turns his eyes to other way.

“mine is this one.” thankfully eugene, stepped in appropriate timing. he picks cell phone up again, open video polder and touch the most recent one to play,

in this video. steven tried to sneak out from herbivores zone. he looked around in nervous, tiptoed over to the borderline of forests. but in the middle of escape, he was caught by a bunny, steven’s eyes widen. he stepped backward few steps but tripped over himself to avoid step on little ones, fell over on ground miserably. as if on cue. soon his almost entire body disappeared by the animals. steven yelled ‘i can’t move!’

this time, andrew huffs out little laugh.

the truth about andrew is, he’s always stuck in middle. and he hates it.

it’s mean not only literally but metaphorically too. well, he’s just born that way. the middle child of three brothers. perhaps it wouldn’t be so surprising if there was middle child crisis as expected. he was. no matter how he wants to deny about that. he can feel that it’s still exist somewhere inside him. although not much, just tiny presence now. but it wasn’t from being neglected or left behind though.

his parents are most amazing person he could ever have. they love each other in all sincerity. they are really love him. love he and his brothers all fairly, there’s never a hint of favoritism. treat them with patience and understanding, always supported and encouraged them with open mind. in return, andrew love them wholeheartedly as his other brothers. andrew knows very well how lucky he is. people knows. he lived in small town. when he was younger, his friends often told him it made them feel jealous how perfect, wonderful family that he has. his family may not wealthy, but there was nothing real hardship either. they are humble but confident, on good term with neighbors. a loving and caring family. truly, his family are perfect. probably too perfect, too good for him.

so, it wasn’t really their fault that he had secret inferiority complex. and if they did, at least it’s not on purpose. more likely, it’s andrews problem.

the brothers, although they worked well as a dream team, each performed better separately. they are each two years apart. alex, the oldest one, he’s such a perfection itself. the smartest in brothers, not only he’s fulfill his duty as eldest brother by taking care of his sibling, but also basically everyone around him. as an honer roll student, he always one step ahead of his peers. there’s nothing he can’t do. everything about his brother is perfect and elegant. perfect student, perfect friend, perfect veterinarian, perfect boyfriend, perfect brother and perfect son. he’s the proud one in family. someday even if his older brother throwing his hat in the ring, to running for president, andrew wouldn’t be surprise.

on the contrary max, the youngest, he’s a rascal and rebel. not to family or innocents, but against society, to irrational system, like convention and corruption things. the trouble maker in brothers. he’s bold, daring and brave. it’s not fake or immature thing. he’s a genuine one. some people might consider him a bad boy by his acts and wild looks but not really. seemingly he’s lone wolf. the truth is, he’s such a darling to everyone. it was impossible not to love this guy. he’s the charming one in family. as social butterfly by nature, the younger one loves party and people. his irresistible smile attracts people, especially to women since he born. ladies boy to ladies man now. also he’s a journalist too. he put his heart and soul into these works. andrew is sure that his baby brother gonna surprise the world.

as if that’s not enough, both of them belonged to the football team when in high school. the linebacker and the quarterback. and andrew? people might expected that he was in there too. maybe the center. but no. although he can play if he wants ( his brothers used to practice on the others. so yeah) he was in drama club.

andrew is well, just andrew. it wasn’t mean that he was the ugly duckling. if anything, andrew had a good time in his own way. not exactly the popular one, but close to. he has a dry sense of humor that people thinks really funny. he looks cool, calm and collected but still friendly one. he had good grade, he has good friends, he was one of main players in dram club. he was good in many things. sometimes andrew thought that he just playing a role in real life. mostly original, but still mixing copy in a character. almost perfect as much as the older one. almost charming as much as younger one. but not enough to satisfied himself. he can’t impressed people like them. middle isn’t means center anyway.

like he said. his parents love them equally, never compared them to others. andrew compared himself to them. andrew knows he shouldn’t treat himself like that. but he couldn’t stop either.

sure, the family lives in harmony but that didn’t mean they are flawless. yes. he said the word perfect maybe too many times. ‘perfect’ as humanly possible. of course they have trouble too, they fight and sulk to each others as other people do that. over ridiculous things like toothpaste flavor to some serious issue. and apologize, back to life as if nothing had ever happened. likewise, of course andrew knows they are just mortal as much as he is. but can’t help the noticing that they all way better than him. no one wouldn’t agree with him though. no one understand his feeling ether. that’s why he thought this is his problem.

when andrew was in college, he played several roles in several plays than high school. his professor told him he’s talented one. even though andrew couldn’t sure about that, but occasionally he found himself that how easily he into the roles. it was fun to become another person which he never gonna be in reality. it felt good. like drug, he was kind of addicted to it a bit. sometimes he felt that he’s breathing easier in roles than just himself. first time andrew realized that, he immediately felt guilty, like he betrayed his family. although he did his best to hide it. god. what’s wrong with him. he used to ask this to himself. but there was no answer. it’s like poverty midst plenty, surrounding people, somewhat he felt lonely. if it’s any consolation, at least his acting is good.

he might too busy to struggling with himself.(low key self-conscious, loneliness, self-induced pressure) andrew tends to catching up with things later. for example, his confused sexuality. actually it started at his sophomore year(his best guessing) didn’t nocticed until senior year. of college. he was a mess at that time. he’s in shock, not really ashamed of that but don’t know how to deal with. he already had enough shit.

“what do you mean, you have known this what, whole time?”

“i’m your mom andy, what do you expect from me? and stop looking at me like that.”

“like what?”

“like i ate your whole candy!”

“were you?”

“dad?”

“well, son. we couldn’t sure about that. just guess, you didn’t show any particular sign about that, but you know, we’re your parents. and you was in drama club anyway.”

“i hate this family.”

“no, you’re not.”

“so..you can have men and women both, huh? you hit the jackpot, bro!“

“you’re not helping.”

“if you want to join community, talk me anytime. i know some people who can help.”

“you just want to use me to date with them. you jerk.”

“if you want to meet someone, maybe i can introduce my friends or visitors.”

“thank you, but no thank you.”

“which do you prefer, cat person or dog person?”

“stop.”

huh.

he knows that his family not gonna judging him with that. it went well as expected. too well. jesus fucking christ, his parents have known before he realized. his brothers, they accepted it like he changed his hair color. so, no surprising. no shock. no bewilderment, no fussing. and andrew, he found himself a little disappointing about that. seriously what’s wrong with him, he asked himself again as many time did. it wasn’t make any sense. he got the best response as much as he could get, from people who he care most deeply about. and upset with that? what the hell.

but he couldn’t show it, as always.

after some wandering, andrew began to working for that company called buzzfeed. it was niki, his best friend suggestion. who already had been there. he met her senior year of college. they was in class for studying filmmaking (his major. theater was minor) they really clicked immediately. they have similar personalities and dispositions andrew is comfortable around her. he knows her, she knows him. niki understand him in that way no one did before. they talked about almost everything. also she realized his sexuality faster than him.

it was surprisedly easy for him to adjusted to life in california. there’re so many people. so many food. and sun. the sunshine is so bright it got him almost blinding. floods into everywhere, you can’t hide nothing from that. for a quite while, he hadn’t notice that he changed mood. he’s been too busy to think about anything else but adapt new life. it was refreshing. warming him up under the sun, he thought maybe it’s time to stop hiding. he should to living his own life. now he feels more independent, more freedom than before. it reminded him first college year, but better. he living on his money now. maybe that’w why. maybe for the first time in his life, he’s simply in the right place at the right time.

steven wasn’t.

“i think you’re the right person for this show.”

when steven approached him and said like that, it takes a moment for the words sink in. and andrew realized that steven is still there, sitting in next to him. so he has no a choice but turn his body steven’s way to facing him. if others did as steven did, he may get suspicious first.(fuck candid camera.) but he’s steven lim. it’s not like andrew knows him well. aside from his name, tall, thin asian, blond, awkward but smart guy. and that’s all. nothing above average except height. he’s no problem with that. what and don’t understand is, it seems everybody in buzzfeed loves steven a lot. without any special reason. nothing wrong with the love. but something in there, or something off in there. some people acts as if they’re possessed by whatever, how andrew can know what is it? just it feels little bit unnatural. but again, he really don’r know about steven lim. but andrew also knows that; he’s not kind of backstabbing person. as an actor, andrew is sure that steven is incapable of telling a lie. well, technically he can. just he’d be a terrible liar.

he can see steven tried to look casual, but obviously it’s not works when steven wiggling in his chair like a nervous child. moreover he fidgeting his hands constantly and he’s eyes, are looking everywhere in the office but him.

stop that. andrew feels an urge to snap at him, or hold his armchair to stop him

“are you sure? don’t get me wrong. but i never expect this.” not from you.

instead, he tries answered calmly. he’s already guilty of one thing to steven. don’t have a plan for make another sin. adam’s going to kill him. who talked to him about the show steven and him are planning. “why me? i mean, we barely know each other.” andrew asks, because it’s true.

steven nods, enthusiastically. “i’m sure. and you’re right. we don’t know each other. that’s why we need you. we compare food on food. but our difference, i think it gonna inject some life there.” steven nods again, not to andrew this time. like he wants to make sure at himself too. he knits his brows like he thinks hard something. andrew realizes that he stopped the wiggling. so he is serious. “and i heard that you’re not picky.” steven adda, in seriousness. like it’s most important problem in there. and okay. andrew has to keep a straight face.

“and?” it’s come out softly more than he thinks he would be, almost encouragingly. it works.

“and i heard you love foods. i need someone who would be really, truly professional about this show. we gotta do a lot of things just for this. we don’t need expert. we need passion, sincerity and devotion to go on the this show. i am. but when i go too far, i need someone drag me down to ground.” he explains, sincerely, while steven talked to him, steven looking at him straight in his eyes. somehow andrew impresses.

“and you think of me?” amused too. it’s not like andrew isn’t tempt by that. andrew did filming with him once. steven’s good. the concept is appearing. and adam would be there too. it’s gonna be a good shot.

“yes. i’m sure that we’ll get along fine. i don’t know you well. but i know you’re good from my experience.”now he blushes. it’s pretty. and his desperate, hopeful expression says more than words. steven’s eyes are too dark andrew almost can’t find the iris. but it’s most transparent eyes that he ever seen. vulnerable even. andrew can see through his eyes.

“i’ll think about that.” andrew finds himself says like that. how can he say no to this?

“really? wow, thank you, wow. i know it’s not easy decision. but you won’t be disappointed when you join the team!” steven beams at him. then he jumps to his feet like he’s so excited that he can’t sit still. god, how old he is, twelve? and he don’t know where is it come from but, suddenly it feels like,

“it’ll be worth it.” steven says softly.

exactly.

then steven is gone. as suddenly as he appears. andrew’s mind lost for while; mulling over the suggestion. andrew don’t know well about steven, but he seems nice and passionate. also a bit perfectionist like andrew himself. he can feel that. and even he don’t know about steven. he knows adam. adam is caution man in every respect, he’s nice to everyone, but open his heart to others is whole another story. and andrew knows that adam really, really fond of steven. after all, they are very close. he can trust adam. but andrew knows he already made his mind before this consideration. then andrew realizes, he has never been apologize to steven. about last time incident. maybe steven forgets it already, given that he acting around d him. but still, andrew should to apologize to him regardless of the show. that was unfair to steven. next time he see steven, he’d to do. andrew remind himself.

and you know what? it turns out, steven is right.

#bfwi #bfwi fic #standrew #its barely related to concept #my english is terrible #but i'm doing it anyway #warning for endless edit

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colorelijahtheory · 7 years ago

Text

After game thoughts: Kingdom Hearts

Welp, I completed Kingdom Hearts 1 100% (except for 4 Gummi Ship missions because F**k them) This was written in a Discord chat, but nobody really responded to that apparently.

WARNING: Obvious first draft of long text incoming!

I think this one washed away my frustrations with Birth By Sleep. Because while the gameplay starts off kind of slow at first, it starts to pick up much better. Anything that was frustrating in KH1 mostly comes from the slowly teleporting enemies, and I mean there are a lot of enemies that do that, or the platforming.

The problems with platforming come from Square Enix experimenting with how to make a 3D real-time battle system, while also figuring out how to make the worlds. Unlike the later games where the worlds are mostly composed of big separate areas meant for bosses, and hordes of heartless, KH's worlds have this maze-like mentality where there's more than one way to enter a room, and even in Wonderland and Hollow Bastion there are a couple of secret rooms once you solve a puzzle or two.

I understand how that could be confusing to newer fans, or even fans who only played KH2 where the worlds are more streamlined or straightforward. But I do miss worlds like Traverse Town, where it feels more like a town with a bunch of other people from other places, and not just a bunch of areas.

The only way that that town could feel more alive and at home is if they have NPC sidequests and stories on par with something like Majora's Mask.

As for the Gummi Ship, I do get people's complaints about how the Gummi Ship starts slow at first, but once I started upgrading my ship, from its armor, to its weapons, to it's engines, to even a few gadgets and doohickeys, it's a bit more fun. Again, kind like upgrading your arsenal and abilities.

The Final Mix version adds in some missions for more parts and blueprints. Some of them are simple as getting a higher score or getting a high score while having a specific weapon. Some of them can go straight to hell like getting no score while not getting hit.

Speaking of Final Mix, the additions they made to this game is pretty impressive from new weapons, new enemies, new cutscenes, fixed glitches, and new bosses that mostly tie in to the next game. It just sucks that we common international people never got a chance to play this until it was released until the PS3 which even then I didn't think we'd get at the time. I played this on the HD remix collection on the PS4 and it still looks fantastic even if they didn't change much.

(I was hoping they would alter a lot of scenes where they have the low quality facial models for the HD remixes)

Despite that last parenthesis comment, the graphics still hold up for even to this day. Square Enix games have this tendency especially during the 64 bit era where they look good at the time, but will get dated about a year or so. But the graphics here, even though you can tell it was made during the PS2 era, is expressive, colorful, and cinematic. A lot of love and care went into making sure that the Disney characters and worlds look like their respective movies, even the original worlds have a lot of detail and imagination that Disney would do if they made an RPG.The choices they made for the Disney worlds, stand out on their own both in aesthetics and in structure, from Tarzan's Jungle, to the desert of Agrabah, to Halloween Town, and... okay a little confession to make.

The first KH I ever played was Chain of Memories for the GBA, because I didn't have a PS2 at the time. So I didn't know much about the first game, other than the trailers showing me which Disney movie is going to be represented, including the Nightmare Before Christmas, which I had vague memories of watching before playing CoM. So I thought that the Heartless originated from Nightmare Before Christmas. I mean can you blame me? The heartless are black creatures some of which with pointy antennae, and they mostly look Tim Burton-esque.

In fact, if Tim Burton himself designed some of the heartless, it wouldn't surprise me.

Notice I haven't even gotten to the story yet. I mean at this point before all the sequels, midquels, and prequels, the story is actually easy to understand, with a few hints of complexity and ridiculousness that Square Enix put in. Now the crossover element isn't fully there, but that's okay as long as the original characters are interesting, fortunately, they are.

As much as people mock Sora for being a young idiot, he's one of the few Square Enix leads that is an optimist. Which even before Square Enix tends to not have anymore. He's not a brooder like Cloud or Squall, but he's not as annoyingly immature as Tidus. Although if I were writing the story as I was, I would have a small moment where Sora realizes that his home is destroyed, and everybody he knows might be dead or the very least missing, he could cry even though he's trying not to, and the others are trying to comfort him. Because I don't care if he's a teen, you'd be emotionally f*cked up if your home is destroyed by an unspeakable force.

Riku actually does have an interesting character arc throughout the series. He starts off as a troll who wants to leave his home, and then becomes manipulated by the villains to make him jealous of Sora join the dark side, becomes possessed by the real villain, and then redeems himself in the end. I noticed how the Final Mix main story cutscenes mostly revolve around him. One scene he's waking up in Hollow Bastion calling for Sora and Kairi, realizing they've been separated, and another has him walking in the Realm of Darkness realizing that he's lost everything, and wishes that he could apologize. This makes him a bit more sympathetic I'll say.

The only real issue I have, that I think is being brought up in KH3, is the world order stuff. Like don't meddle or chaos and darkness... I don't really know what, but it's never explained why it's a good thing. In that case, why would they bother with the other worlds, other than to find Riku, Kairi, and King Mickey? Wouldn't you want to tell them about the heartless so that they know what to look out for? It also makes King Triton kind of a jerk, I mean more of a jerk. What would he do if the Keyblade master never came to your world and saved it? You wouldn't do anything because it'll be gone, and everybody would've died. I mean the trio doesn't even try to defend themselves by saying he's trying to save the other worlds if that's what they're even doing, which they are, but it's not exactly their number one priority. There's responsibility as a king, and then there's responsibility as a protector.

But oh well, it was mostly dropped in KH2 because the villains f*cked up everything at this point, although I think it's being brought up again in KH3. But if I'm speculating based on the cutscenes I've seen, maybe most of the story could be about the world order collapsing, because the world's inhabitants are getting smart, and the only choice to have is to risk the world order or the universe will be no more.

All in all, Kingdom Hearts 1 is not my favorite, mostly because I have yet to play all of them again. But it's definitely up there, just for having all that Disney charm, and being a neat little experiment. I say play this first, if you want to know how the games evolved from here to Kingdom Hearts 3. But for Disney fans, this is the few KH games that still retain that Disney charm, and for Final Fantasy fans, there are many familiar spells, references, and cameos that I'm sure those fans appreciate. I might do another when I beat Chain of Memories.

#after_game_thoughts #Kingdom Hearts #big wall of text

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