#but because guy 2 is male guy 1 sees him as more of a threat

[origami-butterfly]

It's been a tough day guys. The guy I thought was my rival actually thinks a different guy is his rival. And the different guy thinks of me as his rival.

[fanfictilltheend]

❤️‍🔥Violent Heart Part 1: ♪All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you ♫ (or the VERY DARK Stepdad!Mechanic!Covict!Joel x Afab!you one)❤️‍🔥

A/n: It's here!!!!!! 18+ Only. This took me 7 freaking months so you mofos better like, reblog, and comment. This is both my most and least personal fic I've ever written and it is dark and relies heavily on plot (no smut until part 2 but i swear it's worth the backstory!!!!) READ ALL OF THE TAGS DO NOT COME FOR ME UNLESS YOU DID THIS FR FR. This ones for my dark joel fangirlies(guys and NBies) and the daddy issues fam ily ❤️‍🔥 (also not me naming my fic in part after hallelujah by leonard cohen but there is a reason!!!!!!!!!!)

Summary: The story starts with Part 1 where afab!Y/N is a child and Joel is her new stepdad and this story explores their relationship. Themes of abusive family, domestic violence, child abuse, daddy issues, physical violence, murder, stepcest (kinda b/c he is divorced from her mom technically but she grew up with him as her stepdad), infidelity, age gap, and more are explored throughout the fic. PLEASE READ SPECIFIC TAGS (part 2 tags will be added with the release of part 2). Part 2 picks up with Y/N at age 20 and how her relationship with Joel has changed and gets steamier. NOTHING SEXUAL OCCURS BETWEEN Y/N and JOEL until Y/N is 20!!!!!!! Also check out this playlist of music that's in the fic!!!!

Tags (PLEASE READ): Afab!you, stepdad!joel, mechanic!joel, convict!joel, no apocalypse au, Mentions of sex (little detail), mentions of male masturbation, infidelity, domestic abuse/violence, sibling abuse/violence (no one ever talks about sibling abuse but it’s very real), physical child abuse, neglect, allusions to past domestic violence, cursing, brief mention of pedophilia and kidnapping (David), allusions to committing future pedophilia (David), threats, cancer mention, Sarah death discussion, Tommy death mention, murder, prison, mentions of god and religion, fights, general violence, alcohol consumption, using music lyrics to move the plot, daddy issues, use of y/n

Word Count: ~15k

PART 2 (coming soon)

Ao3 Link

Violent Heart Masterlist

Full Masterlist of all my work

Joel Miller is not a good man, that he knows like the backs of his calloused hands. 

He knows loss too, feels it burrowed in the hollow cavity of his chest. Sees it in the face of every little girl he meets. 

The memories sting. 

He knows pain, deep in the depths of his character, down to the fundamentals of what makes him something that resembles a human being. The belts, the bigger hands, the harsh words, and then the grief. The recent Bring back my babygirl! The ancient ¡Basta, Papí, por favor, no Tommy, no Mamá! ¡Por favor no esta noche! The indignity of begging, always reduced to begging to a cruel man, an indifferent doctor, a cruel universe. 

He knows hard work, how to work with his hands. He knows the grit and grease of labor. Sees the cogs turning in the engines he fixes, relates to them. Feels like he knows them intimately because he is one too, chugging along day after endless day. But no one dares fix Joel Miller.

Until…

Her name is Erica and she’d like her front bumper replaced, please. She has long eyelashes and a soothing voice. And she has money too, at least more than he, who is almost broke from the cost of Sarah’s medical bills. She comes with baggage, Joel can tell from looking into her eyes, but then again so does he. And he hasn’t been laid in god knows how long. 

She takes him on a date and he lets her. She reveals she has two kids, but Joel doesn’t care. They fuck at her place while the kids are at school and she wants it soft, like her hands, and that’s how Joel gives it to her. 

A week later, Joel has moved in, which is good because his rent was due and he couldn’t pay it. He still hasn’t met the children.

***

It’s Joel’s day off and he’s sitting on the couch in his new home. His back hurts, but that’s nothing new. He’s got an excellent view of their nice, big backyard with a wooden fence. The kind of home he would have liked to have given Sarah. He sighs. Technically, nothing is wrong.

Then he sees it. It takes him a second to realize what is going on. It’s a whirlwind. He sees the back gate open and two tumbling forms fall over the threshold onto the manicured grass. One form is bigger, a boy of about twelve or thirteen beating the shit out of a much smaller form, fists flying. The other form is a little girl, no more than eight, defending herself like her life depends on it. Perhaps it does with the way he’s going at her. 

This must be the son, Aiden, and the daughter, Y/N. 

He’s a good boy, really, but he has anger issues sometimes. He’s been through a lot. That’s what Erica said, but Joel does not see a good boy. He sees a bully. A disproportionately violent one at that. Nothing that tiny girl could have possibly done could warrant the brutality he sees before him. 

Anger is something else Joel knows intimately, and that is what he greets when he runs outside to end the fray.

“Stop that!” he roars, pulling Aiden off of Y/N.

“Who the fuck are you!?” the boy screams, fury and hatred radiating off of his entire being. 

He continues thrashing and punching at nothing as Joel restrains him.

“I’m gonna kill her!” he screams, his eyes bulging.

“What the hell happened?” Joel growls, still holding onto the livid boy–verging on young man. 

“She ripped up my paper!” he bellows. “For no fucking reason! I worked hard on it!”

“It was a lie,” she says with so much conviction Joel almost flinches.

He looks down at the little girl, her nose bleeding, her right eye turning purple. She has tears streaked down her face, but she is not crying. Her shirt is ripped. The first thing he thinks of when he sees her is Sarah. Of course it’s Sarah, how could he not think of her? But this little girl is different, has a different look in her eye. This look is much harder and feels like she’s lived a thousand lifetimes. He thanks god Sarah never looked that way, but somehow he wants to hear about everything this little girl has experienced. Something twangs in Joel’s chest that he has not felt in what feels like an eternity. 

“It was not a lie, you stupid bitch whore!” Aiden shouts angrily, still fighting back against Joel’s unrelenting grip. “Take that back!”  

“No, you take it back! Dad is not a hero. You could’ve picked anyone to write about and you choose him? After everything he’s done?” she screams herself.

The sound of her voice is powerful but desperate. Joel feels himself needing to know more and bury himself deep inside her experiences.

“SHUT UP!” Aiden yells, finally ceasing his movements. 

A tear falls from his cheek. 

“If I let you go, will you stop whooping your sister?” Joel snaps firmly.

“Get away from me, you stupid cuck!” Aiden curses, turning his energy to Joel. “Who the hell are you to me? Fuck you! I’m out of here!”

He wriggles out of Joel’s grasp and Joel lets him go and Aiden storms back out the rear gate, slamming it behind him.

“You alright?” he asks Y/N.

Joel crawls over on his knees, still upright, closer to her. 

“Had worse,” she shrugs, running a hand through her messed-up hair. 

She wipes the tears and blood from her cheeks.

Joel shudders to imagine what she means.

“He always like that?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “So you Mom’s new boyfriend?”

“Something like that,” he nods back. ”’M Joel. Joel Miller.”

“I’m Y/N,” she says a bit mournfully. “Here,” she continues suddenly, reaching out a small hand to his cheek. She wipes blood (hers) gently off his stubbly face. “Didn’t mean to get ya dirty.”

Joel is nothing short of touched. He wasn’t even aware he could still have such a feeling. His cheeks go rosy pink. His heart pulses. He stares at her delicate hands and notices a long, thin scar on her left middle finger. 

“‘S no trouble, sweetheart,” he hears himself reassuring her. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Could even mend your shirt if ya want. Know how to sew and all.”

He reaches out a large hand, but she flinches at the sudden movement. A dull ache wells up in Joel’s chest. 

“Not gonna hurt you, honey. Swear it.” 

He wants with every fiber of his being for her to believe him, for it to be true. 

She takes his hand.

***

That evening Erica is still not home, working late Joel supposes. It is nine o’clock when Aiden slinks back into the house.

Joel stops him from making his way up the stairs. He is more than familiar with the art of creeping.

“Think you oughta apologize to your sister,” he says as gently as possible. Maybe he can impart some manners onto this unruly child now that he’s calmed down some. “You beat her real bad. You’re much bigger than her.”

“I’d do it again,” Aiden hisses, his eyes cold. “It makes me feel better.”

And then, to Joel, the answer is simple. What do you do with a bully who won’t repent? Fight him back. Show him who’s boss, who’s bigger.

He grabs Aiden by the arm in a flash of anger and drags him up the stairs. The boy screams and flails, but that doesn’t deter Joel. He brings him to the room he assumes is his, the walls covered in sports posters and memorabilia.

“Take off your shirt,” he growls, a familiar fury pounding inside his chest.

When Aiden protests, Joel does it for him, ripping the kid’s shirt nearly in half. Rage floods through Joel’s veins and he can’t exactly place why, but the feeling is very real and bouldering through him at an alarming speed. He knows this feeling, feels strangely at home there.

He undoes his belt and brings the leather end down on Aiden’s back, not the buckle like his father used to do. Joel does have some decency buried deep in his chest. And then he loses himself to the unyielding anger.

“You get ten,” he snarls. “Don’t you lay a hand on your sister again. Is that understood? Now you answer to me.”

No response except for a scream.

“I said , do you understand?” Joel roars, bringing down the belt.

Rage consumes him like a drug. He barely registers what he’s doing. The belt goes down again and again. And somehow, through the screaming and the pain, and the intoxicating feeling of being completely in control for once, Joel’s line of vision wanders to the bedroom door. In all the excitement, it was left ajar and out in the hallway, sitting on her knees is Y/N. Joel immediately expects fear, despair, revulsion. When Tommy would watch him take a beating his face would betray the most acute sense of hopelessness and terror and the waterworks would begin. But Y/N just stares at him unflinchingly, at what he’s doing. She doesn’t cry, she simply sees. Too much for a child, and yet, she watches. She does not intervene, doesn’t even try to. And for the tiniest moment, her and Joel’s eyes connect, and he feels a sense of calm, of comprehension, of recognition in that uncannily knowing gaze. Her irises sparkle and Joel feels…something that he cannot entirely articulate. Seen? Accepted? Understood? Joel knows logically what he is doing is an ugly, vile thing — he has never claimed to be a good man. Practical maybe, but never good. And yet, Y/N sees it — sees him — and she doesn’t look away. She cocks her head slightly, and images of Tommy grimacing in revulsion and fear as Joel mercilessly beat up their childhood neighborhood bullies to the point of unconsciousness pop into his mind, of the haunting look in his brother’s eyes. Even Sarah could not stomach his violent heart when she witnessed him beat up some pervert with a camera that had looked at her funny at the mall. Even though it was for her — to keep her safe. She had stared at him in disgust and pity. She had not seen him then at all.

But now, looking at Y/N, for the briefest moment, Joel can swear he sees something resembling a smile flicker over her serious face. And though it goes as quickly as it comes, he feels the familiar sensation gnawing at the bottom of his stomach: primal and untameable, soft and vulnerable, but fierce and loud at the same time. He feels an inexorable, inescapable sense of care and devotion to this child. But most of all, because she sees him, truly sees him, and does not turn away in disgust, Joel Miller feels the gut-wrenching, unquenchable sensation of love deep in his chest. For the first time since Sarah died on that hospital bed, weak and unwell from the chemo he could not afford, he feels alive . 

***

Things fall into a tentative routine. Every morning, Joel wakes up in bed beside Erica. They fuck the night before more often than not, but always in that same slow way that doesn’t do much for Joel. It’s enough to get off, sure, she isn’t an unattractive woman, but he’s mostly there for the meal ticket and roof over his head. He goes to work at the auto-body repair shop, Erica goes to her job at her law firm. The kids ride the bus to school. He gets home in the evenings before Erica and spends time coexisting with the children. Usually, he kicks back on the sofa, rubbing his sore back, and watches television, minding his own business. Aiden mostly avoids him, doing god knows what in his room. He bullies his sister cruelly and Joel punishes him when he sees fit. Erica knows what he does to Aiden and either doesn’t care or approves. He never lays a hand on Y/N though. She warms up to him slowly, cautiously. Most evenings she sits on the far end of the couch and Joel on the other, but as she gets used to him and sees that he’s not a threat, at least to her, she scoots closer. 

The children’s father is no longer in their lives from what Joel can tell, which is perfectly fine with him. When Joel’s heart does not feel full of lead, he plays the guitar. Y/N sits and watches him. She is a quiet child, but unrelentingly brave. When Joel lets the TV blare, he rarely cares to pay much attention these days, she stays and watches with him, no matter what is on and never complains or asks to change the channel. Blockbuster zombie apocalypse movie? She watches. News special on America’s most dangerous serial killers? She watches. Documentary on venomous snakes? She watches. Should Joel be letting her watch this crap? Who the fuck knows? He isn’t her father. And plus, he won’t admit this to anyone, hardly even himself, but he likes having some company. It makes everything feel…less. And he likes that she doesn’t try to make him speak. Sometimes there are no words and he thinks Y/N understands this. Unlike Erica who yaps every second of the day. But Joel stays polite and plays along. He has to.

But he will not lie, Aiden gets on his very last nerve. There is something that Joel cannot quite place that makes him feel like he has known this boy his whole life even though they are as familiar as perfect strangers. All siblings fight and rough-house. That is normal. Hell, he and Tommy used to fight rough and tumble all the time. But the way Aiden bullies Y/N is something else entirely. And most times, it is unprovoked. And he is so much bigger than she is, growing bigger by the day. 

Joel’s beatings have not stopped Aiden’s anger and sadistic attitudes, but they do make sure that he takes some kind of physical consequence for his crimes. It makes Joel feel better and he thinks it makes Y/N feel better too. And some days he gets so fucking mad at Aiden that he thinks not even god could stop his wrath even if the boy turned into Mother Theresa herself! Okay, maybe that’s extreme, but another part of Joel thinks maybe it’s not. The truth is, though he is loathe to admit it, some days, he is not in control of his anger. Some days he punches so hard, his knuckles bleed and he has to stop for a second to come back to himself. Others he goes so roughly on Aiden that he causes the kid to become bloody and he feels ashamed of what he’s done. But there are other days, very dark days, where he wishes he could do it over and over again. He convinces himself he’s doing it for Y/N and not some other sinister ulterior motive he does not care to dwell on…

One night, a few months into Joel’s new living arrangements, he walks through the upstairs hallway to his and Erica’s bedroom, passing the closed door to the bathroom that the kids share. He has done this what feels like a thousand times before and doesn’t think anything of it until he stops and realizes he hears Y/N singing. 

♪“ Someday, my pain / Someday, my pain will mark / You…”♫ she sings softly.

He can barely hear it over the crash of the water from her shower, but her voice is beautiful. It pulls at Joel’s shrunken heart, deep inside his long-dead chest. Her voice has an eerie quality to it too, almost haunting. He’s not sure of what song it is, but he finds himself wanting to know. Eventually, she stops, and Joel goes to bed, but her voice echoes in his mind for hours as he lies awake in the dark.

The next day, Joel is sitting on the couch when the kids get home from school. Y/N joins him on the other side of the sofa as usual. They watch reruns of some unfunny family sitcom.

“Heard you singing last night,” he finally grunts unceremoniously.

Y/N goes very still.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, avoiding his gaze. “I’ll be quieter next time.”

Joel looks over at her. He realizes she looks terrified.

“Ain’t no problem with it,” he tries to explain, confused. “Thought you sounded nice is all.”

“You tryna trick me?” she stammers, tears collecting in her shimmering eyes.

“What? Trick you? What you crying for, honey? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Joel is genuinely flabbergasted. 

Tears trickle down her cheeks. What has he done this time? he wonders. But he is concerned more than anything. Hell, he hasn’t seen her cry like this since the day they met. Not even last week when Aiden slammed her head into the metal oven in the kitchen (luckily it was off or Joel would have really killed him that time).  

She sniffles, looking conflicted, then collects herself as best she can manage.

“M-my dad didn’t like when I would sing. ‘Specially if he was in a depo…I forget the word…deponition? Deposition? When he was on the phone for work, I mean. If I was being too loud. Or too shrill. He didn’t like that one bit. He’d get mad…” she trails off. 

“The way Aiden gets mad?” Joel asks very slowly, not truly wanting to know the answer.

“Yeah,” she nods after a while. “Except he’s a lot bigger. And stronger. He…he broke my arm once. But it was on accident I think. He got me ice cream after.”

Anger, red and hot, pulses through Joel’s veins. What hadn’t this child endured at the hands of angry men? 

“What did your mother do?” he bites out, almost unnaturally calm from trying to control himself.

“Well, most of the time he’d kinda like hit her around, I guess? But the time he broke my arm was the time she made him leave for good and they got a divorce and all. Aiden says it’s my fault he won’t come around anymore. He was so mad. He loves Dad so much. I don’t understand it though because even though Dad likes him a lot more than me, Dad would still be so mean to him sometimes. Mom says I don’t even know all of it...Promise I won’t bother you with singing though, okay?”

“Sweetheart,” Joel says as softly as his blinding rage will permit. Somehow, when he’s with Y/N, he finds he can control himself better. “I’ll never get mad at you for singing. Or being too loud. Or anything. Never gonna put my hands on you. I’m sorry if what I do to Aiden scares you or made you think that I would ever do such a thing to you.”

“It doesn’t scare me,” she shakes her head. “When you get rough with Aiden, you do it because he did really bad, to protect me. It’s like with you there’s rules that make sense. Aiden chooses to be mean and violent so you choose it back to him. With my dad, it was different. It was like I could breathe wrong and I’d get in trouble. Get in trouble for things I couldn’t control or help. Sometimes I did bad, I know I did, but I also know there were other times where I wasn’t hurting anyone and he’d still hurt me so badly. My dad never got mad at Aiden for hurting me though. He thought it was funny, I think. Sometimes he’d kinda like sick him on me. Kinda how you could a dog.”

Joel doesn’t know how to respond, doesn’t know the right words. He figures he can only show her with his actions who he is and she will just have to learn to trust him. If her father ever enters the house though, he will wring his neck. That’s for certain. Thank God he doesn’t come around for his sake, Joel’s, and the family’s.

“I was just thinking,” Joel finally says. “If ya want, I could learn how to play that song you were singing on my guitar and maybe you could sing it for me sometime?”

“M-maybe we could sing it together?” Y/N asks tentatively, her eyes wide. “Singing in front of other people is kinda scary.”

“I haven’t sung in a while,” Joel sighs. “Might be rusty.” 

“That’s okay,” she grins hopefully. 

Joel wants to take a photo of that rare sight and keep it close for as long as he lives, torn in his pocket or snug in his wallet, he doesn’t care. 

“Joel?” she asks a little cautiously, breaking him from his thoughts. “Can I ask you something?”

“‘Course, kiddo,” he says as gently as he knows how.

“Who’s Sarah?”

His heart stops. His blood runs cold. 

“What? How did you–”

“You were talking. In your sleep yesterday,” she says, shrinking away a little and Joel feels sorry for scaring her again. “When we were watching Dexter . Well, you fell asleep right before. You were snoring and all, but you were also talking and mumbling that name. You sounded sad and scared.”

Joel should definitely not have allowed her to watch that! But that is hardly the point right now. 

His heart squeezes so tight it burns. What was there to say about Sarah – the entire reason his life had had any purpose? His perfect babygirl? The light of his life? 

He could lie. So easily too and Y/N would never know. He could say nothing at all. Hasn’t even told Erica about her yet. Hardly ever speaks to anyone about her these days.

And yet…

“She was my daughter,” he hears himself say softly. “She…got sick. Died of leukemia a while back. She was twelve.”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the wallet he was just thinking about. Inside is a tiny school photo of Sarah – the last one she ever took. It’s faded a little, but she’s still smiling so big she could block out the sun. He shows it to Y/N.

“I’m sorry, Joel,” she says and she really does look sorry. 

Not the way his co-workers and customers say it – almost as a reflex – to fill the void in the conversation. Her eyes are shimmering.  

“Nothin’ to do about it now,” he shrugs, running his thumb over the photo paper, softened with age. “But she was so damn special. My whole world.”

He has learned to repress the tears, not to show weakness, that is not hard. Not anymore. But the anger that broils up inside him – the injustice of it all – how he was unable to help her. Unable to save her. He feels almost like a child again, powerless in an unforgiving, unrelenting world. He wants to fight back!

He is so angry he begins to shake and his hands clench into fists. 

He wants to flip over the fucking coffee table – fling it across the room! He wants to punch in the glass of the flickering TV screen until his fist is broken! He wants to–He wants–

He just wants his babygirl back…

A sob, small and foreign rises in his throat, but he pushes it down. 

He thinks Y/N knows though. Can see the vulnerability in his eyes.

She reaches out a small hand and touches his fist, pushes it down gently into the soft fabric of the couch so he’ll stop shaking. It doesn’t entirely work, but he thinks he appreciates the effort.

“I don’t know if this is the right thing to say,” she begins a bit skittishly, still not entirely trusting the hulking, raging man above her. “But I think I would have liked to have been her friend.”

And for the first time since Sarah died, Joel sobs . 

Y/N pops up from the couch and Joel’s heart cries out louder in his chest for her to come back, don’t leave me too as he tries to suck the tears back in. It doesn’t work though and liquid gushes down his cheeks. He doesn’t think he can take the rejection, the loss of her. But thankfully, she returns just as quickly as she went with a handful of tissues stuffed into her small fist. 

“Here, Joel,” she offers. “Here. Don’t cry.”

Joel does cry though. He’s ashamed he’s broken down in front of this literal child, and he doesn’t let out much noise, but he doesn’t take the tissues either. He can’t. 

She’s so sweet though, or maybe it’s because she is truly afraid of him now, of his wrath, he’ll never really know, but she frowns and reaches out a little hand, the one with the scar on the middle finger, and tries to wipe up the tears.

The paper of the tissue tickles his cheeks.

“Shouldn’t havta…” he tries.

“Didn’t mean to make you…” she answers.

A pause.

“You didn’t, honey. That was all me,” he assures her finally.

She lets out a sigh of relief and soaks up the last of the salt water from his face, brushes the tissue gently against his nose. It tickles, causes him to snort. He smirks a little.

She smiles back shyly, she can’t help it, he can tell. 

“You know,” he says thoughtfully after a few moments of silence, sighing deeply. “I reckon she would’ve wanted to be your friend too…”

***

A few months roll by. Things are virtually the same except Y/N seems more comfortable around him now. Maybe it’s because she saw his weakness up close and personal, his Achilles heel —— knows how to coax it out of him now if she has to. Or maybe it’s because she truly trusts him. Whatever the case, she sits closer to him on the couch now, still giving him a respectful foot of distance though of course. 

Once in a blue moon, she sings for him and he tries to keep up with the lilting sound of her high voice. She says she likes his low, deep voice just fine, it’s just she still gets nervous singing in front of other people so it’s still a rare occasion. His favorite is when she sings solo and he gets to strum along for her and really listen. Sometimes her voice cracks in a very specific way that some might find to be a flaw, but Joel would never. 

Aiden makes fun of them and calls them the ‘Von Trapp Family Singers.’ Are they a family? Joel wonders.

One day after work, Joel goes to the library to find some sheet music for a song Y/N likes. She treasures the photo-copied paper like a gift as Joel deciphers the notes he can actually read for her. She color-codes each one carefully in magic marker so she can remember the differences between them. 

The next day, Aiden burns it up with a lighter he has acquired from God knows where. Joel confiscates it – the last thing he needs is this particular child setting fires – and It doesn’t end well for Aiden. He limps for damn near a week. But some days, when Aiden is calm, he joins Y/N and Joel in front of the TV if a sports game is on. He doesn’t sit on the couch though, just the floor. He doesn’t say much to them but does get invested in the good and bad plays of each game, gets sore if his team is losing. On one particularly good day, when the Rangers hit a grand slam, and Joel was actually paying attention, he and Aiden actually high-five.  

Things are going…well? Is that the right word? It is a foreign concept for Joel. For Christmas, he gets Y/N guitar, Aiden a book on boxing so maybe he will redirect his anger into somewhere productive, and Erica a spa-day kit for 20% off that he saw at CVS (he never claimed to know what women want). Aiden is neutral, surprised, he thinks, that Joel even got him a present. Erica is actually appreciative and returns the favor with some new socks and underwear. 

“A practical gift for a practical man,” she says, kissing him on the forehead. 

Joel supposes he appreciates the gesture. 

Y/N, though, is thrilled.

“Thank you, Joel! Got you something too,” she says excitedly, bouncing up and down in her red and white pajamas.

“That’s not necessary,” Joel chides, leaning over to pick up the wrapping paper that was strewn across the living room floor. 

But secretly he is curious. He didn’t think she even had any money of her own…

Aiden opens the cover of the boxing book with disinterest, eyeing the new guitar distastefully. 

Y/N jumps up, leaves the room, and returns with a small plastic baggie in her hands. Inside are little, different bits of colored plastic clumsily and haphazardly cut into tiny, sharp-looking, badge-shaped pieces. One he recognizes is from the top of a yogurt container he put into the recycling the other day, another one from the top of a Gatorade bottle. 

“Here ya go!” 

She shoves the plastic bag into his large hands enthusiastically.

“Thank you,” Joel responds, still unsure what he was given.

It reminds him of when Sarah was young and would come home with some sort of abstract macaroni painting from kindergarten and he would nod and smile knowingly when she explained that of course it was Two dinosaurs getting married, Dad. Duh!

“You could try one on my new guitar,” she offers, a little disappointed when he doesn’t have more of a reaction. “You said you lost most of yours…”

Joel immediately feels guilty and then it clicks. She tried to make him guitar picks! His heart clenches with emotion he can not quite identify. 

He pulls a little orange one out of the bag and accidentally nicks the edge of his finger. Because of the way it was cut, no doubt with uncoordinated child’s hands and a pair of scissors, the edges are much too sharp to serve as an actual guitar pick without damaging guitar strings or apparently Joel’s finger. Dumb kid. But he’s beyond honored anyone would take the time to do such a thoughtful thing for him. 

He hisses softly and sucks the blood off his finger.

“Oops,” she says, horrified. “Shoot. Sorry, I–”

“‘S no trouble,” he interjects dismissively. “Love ‘em. Was my fault anyway. I’mma be honest with you though, sweetheart; don’t think the guitar strings can handle these babies.”

“Oh,” she says softly, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice. “Oh, yeah, okay...”

She deflates, looking down at the carpet.

Joel selfishly lets her be sad for a beat before swooping back in to be the one to save the day.

“But here’s what I’ll do…”

She looks back up at him with an intoxicating kind of hope in her eyes.

He takes his wallet out of his back pocket and slips the orange pick into the photo slot next to the picture of Sarah. He returns the wallet back into his pants. 

Y/N positively beams. Brighter than the sun, even, Joel thinks.

Aiden yawns purposefully loudly and rolls his eyes. Erica looks touched and maybe even a little proud of her choice in men. But Joel didn’t do it for them. The only reaction in the world he cares about is hers.

Y/N is still grinning, bouncing on the balls of her feet again. But then she does something new: she leans in and hugs him, wrapping her little arms around his waist, burying her face in his flannel shirt, pressing against his tummy.

The world stops for Joel. 

At first, he just hangs there limply, awkwardly. Literally forgets what one is supposed to do in such a situation, but then instinct kicks in and he wraps his arms around her too and squeezes ever so slightly. It’s a more cautious hug than Sarah would have given him – she would have squeezed him half to death – but Y/N is still holding him. Someone small and warm is holding onto him for the first time in what feels like an eternity. And just like that his past is rhyming with his present and it is the most beautiful sound Joel Miller has ever heard. 

Joel Miller is not a good man, no, but maybe, just maybe, he thinks he could be one for Y/N. 

***

Joel tries to be good. He does. His first order of business is stop beating on Aiden – especially in front of Y/N. No amount of violence towards the kid seems to do any good anyway – he still hurts her. And Joel is sick of bandaging her up and wiping the blood from her cheeks; something has to change. Not that he wouldn’t do it a thousand times if he had to. He’d do anything for the girl, that he is sure of. And the truth is, Aiden is close to getting big enough to really fight back. And Joel knows if Aiden really lays a hand on him, he’s not sure he will be able to control himself enough to not inflict permanent damage. And he doesn’t want that. Truly.

So at first, Joel thinks about having Erica send him away to a wilderness camp for troubled children or some such program he sees mentioned on reruns of Dr. Phil. She has the money to do it too. But she won’t send him away. She refuses, loves him too much. Protecting Y/N seems as far down on her list of priorities as ever. She is useless at disciplining him, always has been, so it is up to Joel to find another solution. So the next thing he tries is to set the boy up in boxing classes. This is risky since it might just teach him new ways to hurt Y/N, but at least it will be a place to direct his anger.

It works for a while, to his and Y/N’s immense relief, but that leaves Joel nowhere to take out his anger. He tries to ignore it at first and shove it down, but it starts to come out in little ways. At work, he barks at a customer who locks his keys in the car he’s trying to fix. At home, he shouts at Erica for missing Y/N’s school play. The rage leaks out of him, pours off his entire being. He tries jerking off more to increasingly violent porno magazines to calm himself down since Erica is sure not satisfying him. It doesn’t do enough though, not really. Finally, he tries boxing at the local gym himself, but it is not enough either. Boxing has rules. The first sorry sucker he gets in the ring with, he beats to the point of unconsciousness. Two men have to pull him off to get him to stop. They kick him out immediately.

So Joel tries going to the bar after work with the guys from the shop and drinking a little to take the edge off. That actually helps somewhat. He’s careful about it, never comes home drunk, never drinks in front of Erica or the kids. But what helps the most are the bar fights. He’s careful about that too. Only fights the assholes, which there are many of. Switches up the bars he goes to. But some motherfucker slaps a girl's ass without permission? Joel’s on him in seconds, watching like a predator from the shadows. Some dude throws a drink in the bartender’s face? Joel clobbers him half to death. And sometimes? People in the bar applaud him, even cheer him on. It’s probably because they’re intoxicated, but that’s how he justifies it to himself like he’s some kind of goddamn vigilante. Deep down he knows he is something much, much uglier. But at least he’s not doing it to Aiden, a child. And more importantly, at least it is away from Y/N.

***

One day, Y/N falls sick. It starts out as what seems like a cold with a nasty cough. Kids are little germ factories, Joel knows that. He tells himself it is nothing to worry about – that all kids get sick sometimes. The first few days she lies on the couch like a zombie, coughing incessantly into her elbow and sleeping a lot. She snores ever so slightly which he finds charming. Joel stays home from work with her because Erica has to be in court and they watch lots of nature documentaries and daytime talk shows. 

Then the coughing gets worse and Joel’s brain stops functioning properly and he has trouble explaining why. He feels more on edge, more agitated. Erica takes Y/N to the doctor and comes back with a diagnosis: walking pneumonia. Nothing too serious, lots of kids get it. She is prescribed antibiotics and is supposed to drink lots of fluids and wait it out. But when Erica tells Joel the news of what the doctor told her he is holding a glass of water and it shatters in his large hand, cutting the skin of his middle finger.

“Fuck!” he yells. 

And he cannot articulate precisely why, but he feels good that there is a justified reason to yell. 

Erica wipes his hand and cleans the glass up.

“Gotta go to court again today, honey,” she says like everything is fine and normal. “Can you look after her today? Call in sick? She’s in bed. Going through it.”

Joel nods and she is gone like this whole thing is nothing. Like her precious, living breathing child is not suffering in the room above his head.

He climbs the stairs and enters Y/N’s room. He doesn’t often spend much time there. The walls are painted pink and differently shaped dolls and stuffed animals line the white vanity across from her canopied bed. He does not think he has ever seen Y/N play with any of those specific toys, come to think of it, or express any interest in the color pink (no doubt Erica’s secret passion for interior design rearing its ugly head). He vows silently, one day, to paint the walls any color she wants. 

But there she is, sprawled out in her bed coughing a nasty cough. Something shifts inside Joel at the sound. She looks unwell and weak and so small. 

“Hey, honey,” he says softly, almost robotically. 

Something is not right. He sits on the edge of her bed, feels her burning forehead. He takes her temperature gently with the thermometer that goes in her ear. He feels that weird sensation like he’s been here before even though he has hardly ever entered her bedroom. One hundred and four degrees Fahrenheit it reads when it beeps. Joel swallows a lump in his throat that he didn’t realize was there.  

She coughs pathetically. She looks out of it, her eyes far away. Joel’s heart throbs painfully.

Y/N is mumbling something incoherent now. Joel leans a little closer so he can decipher the words.

He makes out something like: No, Dad. Don’t. Stop, please. Please, not tonight. 

Joel stops breathing. 

She must be delirious from the fever. 

And then she’s crying. Quietly, but crying all the less. And this time, unlike every time he has seen her tears before, she sobs. Actually makes noise, her chest wracked with it. 

Then she coughs so hard she starts to wheeze and it hits Joel so ferociously he practically loses his grip on reality.

When Sarah was sick she had leukemia, a blood cancer. And cancer requires treatment. Expensive treatment. But of course, Joel hadn’t cared. He would have sold every item he owned to save his child, would have traveled to the ends of the earth if he had to, done literally any and everything in his power to protect her. So he paid for most of her chemotherapy with high hopes. Desperate hopes, but high ones. It had been her best shot at getting better according to the doctors. And the thing about chemo is, the side effects can literally be deadly. Joel is not a man of science, but the doctor explained that those drugs kill the bad cells that make up the cancer, but also the good ones. It fucks with your immune system, weakens you. Makes you lose your hair, vomit, and or be so weak you can barely walk. All that happened to Sarah. Joel felt like a traitor taking her to those treatments. Logically, he knew they were necessary, but he always felt like he was the one doing those awful things to her. It eviscerated him, left him raw and empty, and helpless like a child.

But in the end, it was the pneumonia that killed her. Her body couldn’t fight it off. She’d died in a hospital bed, Joel at her side, holding her hand, unable to do a single damned thing except scream .

Y/N coughs again, simultaneously pulling him from his thoughts and throwing him back into them. His heart is pounding in his chest to Do something! But there is nothing to be done, nothing he can do! Why can’t he ever seem to protect her?

She looks up just then, notices him for the first time since he entered the room, still crying feebly.

“He hurt me,” she whispers up at him, her eyes glazed over and glistening with tears. She reaches out for a handful of his dark blue work shirt and pulls it tightly to her. “He hurt me. And I couldn’t–I c-couldn’t…”

And then he is holding her, not quite sure how, but he is holding her trembling body to his chest and he will not let her go. Not for the world, not for anyone. He will not lose this child. He wraps his arms around her, holds tight. He will keep her safe, no matter the cost. 

“It’s okay, babygirl,” he whispers. “I got you.”

***

Joel and Erica get married that spring. They agree on a private ceremony in front of a judge with only Y/N and Aiden in attendance. When Aiden hears the news, he throws a fit, He breaks dishes and punches a hole in the TV set which sets Joel’s teeth on edge. But Y/N is overjoyed. In the end, he and Joel adorn what Joel considers monkey suits and Erica wears a beautiful white dress that accentuates her figure. Y/N wears a frilly pink dress and carries a basket of pink roses. Joel never thought he’d be a married man and yet here he is. He imagines Sarah in attendance too and his heart aches. This is his life now. 

He refuses to wear a ring.

***

Time passes. Long stretches of time where things feel–dare he think it–normal.

 Aiden doesn’t beat Y/N, but begins to get into fights at school. Joel saves his violence for the bar scene which he begins frequenting more often. 

Erica starts working later, gets promoted in her job. Fucks Joel less and less, not that he cares very much. 

Joel goes to back-to-school nights and family cookouts. He teaches Y/N to play the guitar and how to fix car motors. In both these activities, she is no natural, but she tries her best and listens well. She smiles more than he’s ever seen. He drives her to sleepovers and Aiden to boxing practice. He paints her bedroom walls orange.

Things feel stable.

Two Christmases pass.

And then things take a downturn.

***

One evening, Joel returns home from work later than usual. When he arrives home in his truck, he notices an expensive sports car in the driveway. Erica has affluent friends, sure, but he’s never seen this particular car before. Something about that doesn’t sit right with him.

He opens the front door with a creak and Erica intercepts him before he can make it to the dining room table for dinner. She presses a hand to his forearm bulking with muscle.

“Don’t freak out,” she whispers urgently. 

Joel stops and hears the sounds of people eating dinner and a man’s raspy voice speaking.

“Freak out about what?”

He makes his way past her to the dining room. He sees a man he does not immediately recognize sitting at the head of the table, Y/N is flanking one side of the table next to him and Aiden the other. He is conventionally handsome and wearing an expensive pinstripe suit. When he looks up, he smirks at Joel. Joel thinks he looks kind of like Aiden if you were to squint. And then he understands who he is.

“The fuck are you doing in my house?” he growls, lunging forward.

“ Your house?” the man smirks again, unflinching. 

He looks Joel over, examining his mechanic’s uniform, the grease stain on Joel’s cheek. 

Erica grabs Joel. She pulls him back out into the hallway.

“Tell him he’s not welcome here,” Joel snarls, trying to get a look at the man over Erica’s shoulder. 

She pushes him backward gently. Instantly, he is worried for Y/N, for all intents and purposes alone in there with the man who abused her and this entire goddamn family for that matter. He catches a glance at her and she looks terrified . Aiden, conversely, Joel sees, looks like he just won the lottery, staring up at his dad in adoration. Joel doesn’t think he has ever seen him look so happy.

“This is important to them,” Erica snaps quietly. “That’s their father. He has a right–”

“Get him out of here or I’ll kill him,” Joel says deadly quietly. “He what? Doesn’t show up for over three years and you think that–”

“I know that he has a right to speak to them. I am their mother and they need a sense of closure. Aiden needs this. So you will sit down at that table and have an amicable dinner or so help me God, Joel.”

Erica never speaks to him like this. He is shocked.

“Fine,” he snarls after a while, his chest heaving. 

He can hardly think straight while Y/N is in there alone with that excuse for a man. Better he be close to protect her instead of thrown out of the house.

He walks back in with Erica, who sits next to Y/N, leaving Joel nowhere to go but next to Aiden.

“I’m Derek,” the children’s father says, leaning over the food Erica has prepared to shake Joel’s hand. 

Joel doesn’t take it.

“And you must be Joe? The new husband.”

“Joel,” he replies shortly.

He looks over at Y/N who is trying to be brave, he can tell, but deep in her eyes, looks petrified.

They eat dinner in tense silence until Derek breaks it and begins bragging about his golf club record, the latest client he’s been representing, his new girlfriend, Sylvia.

“See, she’s helping me become a better man,” Derek insists with a forkful of steak. “I know I haven’t always been…the greatest of fathers or partners, but she really convinced me coming here would be a good thing. That it would be healing. You guys will meet someday, I’m sure.”

Joel leans forward toward Derek, reeling at the idea that this man could possibly be back in the picture of his family’s life, but Erica reaches under the table and squeezes his knee in a death grip and Joel holds himself back.

Aiden hangs on his father’s every word. Erica looks somewhat intrigued after she lets go of her husband’s leg. Y/N screams silently at Joel, who tries his best to communicate without words that he will keep her safe.

“And I know I’ve missed quite a bit,” Derek continues. “Which is why I brought these. Sylvia’s idea, really.”

He reaches down toward his feet and pulls out a fancy golden gift bag and takes out two presents. He hands one to Aiden and the other one to Y/N. Aiden rips his open excitedly. Inside is a hunting knife with a red handle. 

Great, Joel thinks.

Y/N doesn’t move though, stopped like a deer in the headlights.

“Open it, girl,” Derek sneers.

She looks over at Joel. 

“Go on, baby,” he says softly, heat pumping through his blood.

She unwraps the pink wrapping paper and finds a Barbie doll in a clear plastic box. Joel has never seen her play with dolls at all come to think of it. 

“Isn’t that thoughtful?” Erica smiles cautiously.

“Thanks, Dad,” Aiden says enthusiastically. “Can’t wait to show the guys at ROTC.”

“Good for you, son,” Derek grins. “Serving our country is the highest of honors.”

Joel suddenly tries not to think about Tommy blasted to bits halfway across the world in Afghanistan, his body in such bad condition all that he got left of his baby brother was a finger and two bent dog tags.  

Aiden beams.

“Well,” Derek barks, eyeing Y/N distastefully. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” he taunts. 

Joel sees where Aiden gets it from. This arrogant, bullying behavior. He shifts in his seat, ready to strike if necessary.

“Thanks,” she says very quietly. 

Derek grins in a kind of satisfaction that makes Joel want to go over there and punch his daylights out. He almost does too until Erica kicks his shin beneath the table and he controls himself. 

Y/N frowns. She looks over at Joel, then back at her father. Something ripples across her face, but it goes so quickly Joel cannot assign any meaning to it. But she looks ever so less scared somehow, more angry almost, but not quite.

And then after about ten minutes of somewhat peaceful eating and Derek making Aiden and Erica laugh with stupid anecdotes from his court cases while Joel and Y/N exchange looks, it happens.

Y/N’s hand reaches forward and knocks against her glass of coke. It goes flying over in Derek’s direction and drenches him in the sticky liquid, staining his suit.

“Sorry, Dad!” she squeaks immediately. “Oh my god, I–”

“You little slut!” he roars in response, almost like a reflex, backhanding Y/N across the face with lightning speed and accuracy. “Do you know how much this fucking suit cost!?”

The force of the blow is so strong it knocks Y/N from her chair onto the ground.

Before a coherent thought can even go through Joel’s head he is on the other man, slamming him up against the wall behind him by the throat.

“Joel, don’t you dare!” Erica yells, but it is too late.

Joel sees red and can’t exactly recall what he does next, but it goes something like this:

He squeezes around Derek’s throat and bangs his head backward against the wall a few times. The other man tries to get a punch in, but Joel ducks and kicks him in the balls. Derek crumples to the ground and Joel gives his chest another hard kick. He whines pathetically. 

Aiden gets up then, but Erica uses all of her strength to pull him back before he can get involved in the mix. He resists, shouts something that Joel cannot make out, but Erica manages to keep him from the two men with a great amount of effort and struggle. 

Derek is on the floor now and Joel is straddling him, landing punch after ruthless punch down onto his head. His nose begins to bleed, but Joel keeps punching. 

“HOW DARE YOU?” he roars down at the trembling, gushing man on the floor.

There is so much blood splurting all over his face, dripping down onto his expensive stained suit, and the floor that Derek almost stops looking like Derek. Joel sees Aiden’s face in his features. And then there is so much blood that it could be anyone’s face screaming back at him for mercy. It could be those creepy, asshole men at the bar. It could be the much bigger kid who always used to beat up Tommy every day in the schoolyard. It could be that damned head doctor who let his babygirl die. It could even be his no-good, bastard, alcoholic papá . 

He turns his head ever so slightly while still delivering punches. Erica has Aiden in a bear hug. She is screaming for Joel to stop. Aiden is bellowing something that sounds like, You bastard, I’ll kill you! Get off of him! I’ll kill you! And then Joel sees Y/N still on the floor from where she was knocked. Her face is still turned in the same direction it was slapped into, but she is not crying or screaming. Her eyes are dancing.

They connect with Joel’s. 

He knows he is supposed to be a good man for her, but she doesn’t seem to mind his deviant behavior. He stops then, though, because otherwise he thinks he will kill the man and he doesn’t want Y/N to experience that. He steals a glance at her again and she looks ever so slightly disappointed, but her wide-eyed expression tells Joel that Christmas has come early this year. She sends him a look of gratitude and Joel thinks that maybe he did act like a good man for her after all in the case of this vile, pathetic person who is supposed to be her father. 

 Finally, Joel stands up. He walks over and reaches out a bloody hand to Y/N and pulls her gently from the ground. Even after she’s standing upright she doesn’t let go of him.

Derek gets up after a while, wiping his sleeve over his face to try to tame the excess blood. Joel thinks that maybe he broke the man’s nose. He feels not a shred of remorse. The other man spits on the ground at Joel’s feet and leaves without saying goodbye to his ex-wife or children, slamming the front door behind him.  

Erica is not pleased with Joel’s behavior. Aiden is shouting and screaming. He breaks a plate by throwing it onto the floor with a loud crash. Joel leans over and grabs the knife his father gave him and sticks it in his front pocket so Aiden doesn’t feel tempted to use it. Y/N’s small hand is still in his. 

When Aiden is coherent enough to listen to instructions and all screamed out, Erica sends the children upstairs to bed. 

Joel tries to walk Y/N up to bed to tuck her in, but Erica stops him.

“ Not you,” she growls at Joel. 

She is livid in a way Joel has never seen before. For a moment, he seriously wonders if this is the end of their relationship. 

The kids scamper upstairs and Erica yells at Joel for ages. 

At a certain point, he stops listening. He doesn’t try to argue back. Doesn’t care to. He is actually calm now, though his chest is still heaving from the exertion, more calm than he’s been in ages. He knows that she will never understand why he had to do what he did to Derek. She lives in another reality where his violence is not acceptable if she has to bear witness to it. She doesn’t care about Y/N the way she is supposed to. Never has. Doesn’t know or see her. Not the way Joel does. Has too big a soft spot for Aiden. Tolerated Joel’s violence toward him though like a coward. Maybe deep down she knew he needed some kind of discipline? But when Joel lays a hand on her scumbag of an ex-husband that’s what’s too far? When he hurt her own daughter? When Joel himself was responsible for hurting her own precious son? Where was her outrage then? 

But he voices none of this. Pushes it down. He cannot lose her. Not this house, not the kids, not the financial security. Never Y/N. 

Erica banishes him to the couch for the first time in their relationship. Joel doesn’t mind. 

Hours later, late into the night, he hears soft footsteps walking down the stairs. He rolls over on the sofa to see who is approaching. He wonders if it is Erica there to apologize because he knows her well enough to know by now that she will forgive him eventually. She will forgive anything it seems. But it is not Erica at all.

“Joel?” a little voice asks quietly. “You up?”

“Yeah, baby,” he replies. “You okay? I’m so sorry he pulled that shit on you.”

Y/N shrugs. 

“Sorry I…I didn’t stop it before it happened,” he admits like a secret. 

She shrugs again.

“‘M sorry she made you sleep on the couch and all,” she replies.

“‘S no trouble. I don’t mind.”

“But it’s my fault you got in trouble in the first place.”

“Y/N, you ain’t done nothing wrong,” Joel tells her seriously. 

It’s hard to see her in the dark, but he thinks she’s grimacing guiltily. 

“I just wanted to say…” she begins hesitantly. “Thanks for like sticking up for me and all that. You…you’re the only one who does.”

Joel hides a smile from his babygirl. Something inside him likes being that person for her, he cannot lie to himself. Likes being the one she can count on. 

“You were like some MMA fighter,” she continues. “But then all the blood was like in The Shining .”

One day, not long ago, Joel had fallen asleep on the couch when The Shining came on and Y/N had watched the entire thing out of her own free will. That movie had frightened the shit out of him as a kid!

“I’m sorry if I scared you, sweetheart.”  

“You didn’t,” Y/N replies matter-of-factly.  “I wasn’t scared of what you did for a second…I know that’s messed up, but I kinda wanted you to…” 

She trails off.

Joel understands. 

“I kinda, please don’t get mad, but I sorta knocked the cup over on purpose,” she admits.

Joel’s eyebrows go way up on his forehead in surprise.

“It’s just,” she babbles quickly in self-defense. “Mom and Aiden were like giggling and hanging onto every dumb thing he said and it scared me. I thought they might let him keep coming around and start liking him again. And I also knew he hadn’t changed too. I could tell on account of how he was looking at me in that same mean way he always did. And I also knew you’d save me like you always do and you had this angry look in your eyes. I knew what you would do. I could feel it in my gut…”

“You little shit!” Joel smirks. 

He has to give her credit where credit was due – that was incredibly shrewd. Dangerous, but oh so clever. She played everyone in that room like a fiddle. Joel is honestly kind of proud.

“You mad?” she asks tentatively, biting her bottom lip.

“Nah,” Joel grins. “At you? Never. You shouldn’t have had to let him hurt you to get him away from you, but you protected yourself and that’s the most important thing. If I had to do it over, I would.”

Y/N smiles. 

She’s a fucked up little girl, but Joel is a fucked up man, and they both live in a fucked up world.

“Got your back,” he grunts. “Remember that. Now scurry along back to bed and get some rest.”

“G’night, Joel.”

*** 

Time passes. 

Erica forgives Joel of course and Derek never comes around again. 

Y/N and Aiden grow bigger. 

They go on camping trips and Joel teaches Y/N and Aiden how to fish. Never thought he would see the day where Aiden was willingly listening to his instructions, but the day comes anyway. Of course, the boy’s favorite part is cutting up the bloody fish guts like Joel’s used to be as a child. Y/N likes the part where you wait for the fish to bite. She sits next to Joel on the grassy river bank, the sun shining down on the lazy lake they are camping by, and smiles softly to herself.

Another two Christmases pass.

All the while, Joel is visiting the bar more and not necessarily to drink. His violent streak is getting worse somehow. He thinks, though he’s no goddamn shrink, that it might have something to do with the fact that he and Erica are not having any sex. Their relationship is still amicable and she is still sweet to him, and he tries his best to be to her too, but in the bedroom is mostly crickets. Joel jerks off, of course he does, but his fist is no substitute for a warm body. 

Joel causes such a scene at the bar he frequents the most, that the cops have to be called. He ditches the place before he can get arrested, but he’s getting worried about his behavior. Something must change.

So then come the women. They practically throw themselves at him. Never has he thought he was that attractive until women literally offer themselves up to him on a silver platter after saving them from some drunken creep. Joel had always declined until now. But Joel is only a man. He fucks them rough and dirty (with their permission of course – Joel is not a good man, and a lot of things, but he isn’t a fucking rapist) in the bathroom stalls, in the alleyways. In the moment it feels good and helps him let off some steam, but after he feels guilty. And it doesn’t satisfy him much more than with Erica if he really thinks about it. One thing that Erica has over these women who let him act out his violent self is the look of devotion in her eyes. That’s always the thing that gets Joel to cum in the end when he does get to fuck her.

 He would leave her, she isn’t that special to him if he’s honest, but she offers him a twofold sense of stability he has never known in his life. The first fold is the financial stability that has evaded him all of his days. The second is the feeling of family . Something so mundane and normal. And despite her flaws, she treats him so well – better than Sarah’s mother ever did. And most importantly, he doesn’t think he could leave Y/N. Not now. Not when she looks at him like he is the universe. Not even Aiden whom Joel has (begrudgingly) begun to see the traces of himself in. 

***

This particular muggy, summer day begins normally. Joel goes to work, fixes a Chevy Impala’s fluid tank. And then he walks in with an old, beat-up Honda Accord. 

His name is David, and Joel has heard of him through murmurings and bar stories and whispers at community barbeques. He’s a notorious neighborhood legend, whose house kids cross the street to avoid. He is the boogeyman at the end of the cul-de-sac. 

The story is, though through the many versions Joel has heard some of the details get muddled, that he kidnapped and raped a twelve-year-old girl (that part all versions agree on). Some say he was supposed to have ten years in prison, others say twenty, but whatever the number he got out in one for “good behavior.” In jail, he supposedly devoted his life to God and became a preacher.

Joel doesn’t want to help him, but his boss hisses at him that money is money and he’s going to serve the man whether Joel likes it or not. 

There’s something wrong with the exhaust pipe, so Joel bends down and takes a look at it. He opens the trunk and sees a box of Bibles next to a plastic bag of zip ties. His blood runs cold.

“The fuck is this shit doing in your car?” he growls, referring to the zip ties.

“The Bible is the word of God, Mr. Miller,” David replies, eyeing Joel’s nametag. “Would you like one? I’m always trying to spread The Good Word.” 

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” he spits, looking over to make sure his boss is not watching. 

“If you must know, though it’s none of your business, those zip ties are for my garden to help hold up my plants. They are remarkably useful,” David smiles sickeningly politely. 

And that’s when Joel loses it just a little.

He picks up the ties and pockets them.

“Listen here, you pedophile piece of shit,” he snarls. “If I hear about you stepping one goddamned pinky-toe out of line–”

“Hey, Joel!” A little voice calls.

The breath is knocked from Joel’s lungs.

Y/N bounds up to them holding a brown paper bag out of nowhere. 

“You forgot your lunch! Mom dropped me off so you could have it. It’s tuna though. I hate hate tuna. But you’ll eat anything so I hope it’s good for you at least,” she babbles.

“Baby,” Joel says very quietly, his heart thrumming in his ribcage. “Right now’s not a great time. Why don’t you go on home and I’ll catch up with you later?”

Then she notices David. By the fact that she doesn’t immediately leave, Joel determines she has no clue who he is.

“Hello, young lady,” David smiles, eyeing Joel knowingly. “I’m Pastor David.”

“Uh, hi,” she says.

Joel thinks he might actually kill him.

“Would you like something to take home with you?” he asks.

Y/N blinks in confusion as Joel steps in front of her.

“She’ll be going now, won’t you Y/N?” Joel suggests dangerously.

“Here,” David says before she can respond.

He hands her a black-covered bible.

Y/N takes it, looks at the cover, and laughs. Joel and David both look down at her in surprise.

“No offense, ‘Pastor David,”’ she smirks. “But I don’t believe in that shit. Here, you can have it back,” she offers.

He takes back the book somewhat defeatedly. And Joel grins internally.

“Bye, Joel,” she tells him, still smirking. 

She side-hugs him quickly and returns to Erica’s car. 

“How dare you even look at her–” Joel booms at the sad, pathetic excuse for a man once she is out of earshot. 

His hands are clenched into fists and they are shaking. Every part of him is on fire. 

“I think I’ll be going now,” David interjects lightly. “I can see my business isn’t welcome here. You have a beautiful daughter, Mr. Miller. Quite a mouth on her. Shame if something were to happen to her…Oh, the things someone like me could make her believe…”

Joel reaches back his fist to punch, to pummel, to kill, but suddenly, another hand grabs his and holds it in place. Joel’s boss has materialized behind him and is holding him back. Good thing too. It’s probably the only thing that saves Joel’s career and David’s life. 

David winks and drives away as the boss begins to reprimand Joel who is still shaking and fuming.

All he knows is this: If anyone touches his babygirl he will not hesitate to put them six feet under, no matter the cost to himself. He will not hesitate to get blood on his calloused hands. He will not hesitate to kill. And this time? His baby will not sustain a single scratch . He will not wait for her to get hurt before he acts. 

***

Joel wants nothing more than to go home and spend time with his babygirl and wife and even his step-son if he will allow, but there is blood popping and oozing and broiling and churning under his skin like billowing, bubbling lava. If he doesn’t do something about it soon he will explode worse than a volcanic eruption so he heads to the seediest bar he can think of. He makes his way inside and sits right up at the bar, already occupied by a few people. He orders a drink (his usual: whiskey on the rocks) and waits for the impending opportunity for violence he is sure is lying in wait.

He cannot believe the shit that came out of ‘Pastor-fucking-David’s’ sick, perverted mouth and that he almost lost his job over it. He lets that thought charge him up into a rage, his fists clenched so tightly they are beginning to ache in the joints. He cannot believe that disgusting little fucker had the audacity to say that horrible scummy bullshit in his presence when he would do anything to protect that innocent child. He takes a drink of his whiskey and knocks it back in one gulp. He would do anything , ‘Lord’ only knows. He snickers to himself sinisterly. 

And while he’s on the topic, fuck God! When had He ever done a single damn good thing for Joel his entire miserable life except maybe to give him Sarah and then take her away like she was nothing and not the entire light of the universe wrapped into a small, vulnerable person? Joel doesn’t know much about the bible, truth be told, but he remembers a few things from his Sunday school days. He remembers that people are created in the image of God and the stories he remembers most are from the Old Testament which heavily featured a God of absolute rage. Maybe that is the way he is god-like, built of anger and revenge and wrath and the sick, pathetic hunger for power that lurks inside most people. 

But he also remembers Jesus being meek and mild. Joel never understood that desire until he had Sarah and then Y/N in his care. If Joel could snap his fingers and make himself some fundamentally kind and caring man he would, but he can’t. Joel Miller is not a good man. He tried to be for Y/N, he truly did, but look at everything he’s done in the time he’s known her: he used Erica to get financial stability and roof over his head, he’s cheated on her numerous times, he beat Aiden, a child, and everyday the weight of that guilt grows greater as he begins to truly understand how wrong that was, and he beat his babygirl’s pathetic excuse for a father (but still her father) in front of her. He also beat people in bar fights and that time at the gym. And the thing is: is he even a little bit sorry about any of it – except for maybe what he did to Aiden? No, not even a little. And he’d do all of it again if it could mean getting to spend time with his babygirl, Y/N, again. His babygirl who FUCKING DAVID tried to threaten!

And the problem is: who knows what that fucker is capable of? The police and the judicial system let him out after one year which can only be described as a colossal moral failure and a massive miscarriage of justice. It wouldn’t take much for David to really figure out where they lived and grab Y/N and throw her in his trunk like he did that poor other little girl. Maybe that’s paranoid, but Joel knows better than most that when a man wants to do a dark thing he will find a way to do it. Joel does not want to live his life constantly looking over his shoulder as some horrendous pedophile lives freely. 

And then he turns his head to look down at the rest of the fairly busy bar and he sees him . None other than David himself, drinking a beer. Joel cannot believe his luck. It is like all of the light in heaven has aligned to give him such a gift. A part of him is screaming to not engage because Joel is sure he could kill him for what he said about Y/N. But the rest of him is already standing up and grabbing David by the shoulder and–

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll get the fuck out of here now ,” he snarls. “Almost lost my job because of you, you sick fuck. You’re lucky I give you a warning and don’t wring your neck on the fucking spot.”  

David turns around, Joel’s fingers digging into his shoulder.

“Proverbs 24:1 and 2,” he quotes calmly. “‘Do not envy wicked men or desire their company; for their hearts devise violence, and their lips declare trouble.’”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means perhaps I will be leaving. I don’t care to spend my time with wicked men such as yourself. And I have many preparations to make for what is to come. How is your daughter doing since we last met?”

Joel’s heart runs cold. 

“Get my baby’s name out of your goddamned mouth .” 

“Hope we run into each other soon,” David grins as he gets off the barstool and dislodges himself from Joel’s grip. “There is a lot I could teach her.”

He turns to leave. Disgusting coward, Joel thinks. He could let the man go. But then what? Live in fear of him? Let his precious Y/N live in fear of him? Joel is tired of living in fear, of resigning to a cruel man in a cruel world, and he will never do that or let Y/N do that ever again. 

And then David leans in so close that Joel can smell the alcohol on his breath and the sweat on his skin.

“Can’t stop thinking about her pretty little hands around my–”

Joel doesn’t let him finish. In that moment he knows what will transpire. He picked this seedy-ass bar for a reason: so that no one will bother to stop him.

He lands the first punch with ease, doesn’t even feel the pain till minutes later. The force of the blow to David’s head is so strong he slams down into the ground. It is so violent that David’s eyelid starts to bleed and the skin around the impact spot becomes puffy and dark. 

David shouts for help, but no one in this place gives a fuck and even if they did everybody knows who he is and what he did so they don’t give a shit two times over. 

Joel continues the assault. Punch after punch reigns down on the other man as blood begins to coat his features. David tries to get a punch or two into Joel’s stomach, but Joel straddles each of his biceps and holds him down so he can continue hitting. The longer Joel hits, the better he feels. This time is different. This time he does not see the features of every man he’s ever hated in the face of his victim. This time he sees only David’s disgusting smirk in his mind’s eye. This time he only thinks about how he is saving Y/N from a lifetime of fear and cruelty. This time Joel will not let his adversary get a strike in first. This time he will be the one to stop the fate of impending devastation that lies in the palms of David’s shaking and broken hands. This time he can save her . 

When Joel is done with his hands, he is panting heavily. He moves on to his feet, kicking the man’s gut sadistically, his trembling hands, his face. Crunch , goes David’s skull. And then he is not moving or breathing.

Joel stops.

A lick of fear trails against the inside of his stomach, but the rage, always the rage warms his stomach like a rush of flames.

So he keeps going. He bends back down and squeezes the man’s throat just to make sure. It’s good he did too because David’s bloodshot, viens-having-burst eyes snap open and David makes a pathetic little squealing noise and Joel squeezes harder, rougher, with more conviction.

In the end, it takes longer than he thought it would. 

Joel only stops when he hears sirens blaring in the distance. He looks up for the first time since the assault started and sees all of the patrons staring at him in revulsion and fear. The bartender actually has the phone in her hand. Joel guesses she was the one to finally call the cops. He guesses he was so sadistic and violent that even this shitty place had seen enough. He thinks to run, briefly, but where would he run to? Everything he has ever wanted in life is now going to be closed off to him. But he saved Y/N and that makes everything worth it. It has to have been worth it.

Joel puts two scarred, calloused fingers to David’s pulse point, as blood (his and David’s) drips down from his knuckle onto the wooden floor and feels nothing.

When the cops handcuff him and take him away, he doesn’t resist. He comes quietly. He cannot ever really be a good man for Y/N, he understands that now, but at least now she and he may know some peace of mind after what he’s done.

***

The time leading up to the trial is a blur. 

Erica pays for an excellent lawyer, but divorces him on the spot. It seems there are some things even she will not forgive, and apparently murder is one of them. She allows the children to see him one last time in cold, sterile police interrogation room. A court-appointed child advocate social worker must be present. They allow him to have his handcuffs taken off for the first time since he was arrested. The kids are told he accidentally killed someone in a bar fight and for legal reasons he leans into the “accidental” part. 

Aiden comes in first. He knew who David was and tells Joel he did the right thing. Joel is surprised. He reaches out a limp hand, dirt caked under his fingernails, and shakes Joel’s for the first time since they’ve known each other and they part ways on good terms.

“You’re not my dad,” Aiden tells him quietly. “But you always put up a good fight to be there.”

And he leaves.

Joel is more touched than he wants to believe.

Y/N’s visit is much more difficult.

“How could you!?” she screams, standing by the door the second she sees him as he sits at the interrogation table, his chair turned toward her. 

At first Joel thinks she means how could he killl another human being. Y/N didn’t seem to know who David was after all. But that’s not what she is mad about.

“How could you leave me!?” she shouts, tears in her eyes. “You’re going to be taken away from me! Mom is leaving you because of this and that means you aren’t like my dad anymore. You’re going to forget all about me and never get to see me again because you killed some dumb man who tried to give me a bible?”

“He was not a good man,” is all Joel can say. 

He can’t be the one to tell her more, hasn’t told anyone how David had threatened her. Not even his lawyer. He doesn’t want to scare her, doesn’t want to admit to anyone he let those words even get to leave that shit stain’s mouth. 

“I don’t care!” she shouts again. “I want you!”

And then she bursts into tears and runs into his chest and Joel holds her against his orange jumpsuit and starts to feel tears trickling down his own cheeks.

“Never gonna forget about you,” he nearly scolds her into hair. “How could you ever think that, baby? You’re my babygirl. I’ll get out one day and come right back to you, understand?”

“But Mom–”

“You’ll be grown by the time I get out and won’t have to worry about what she says. But I’ll tell you this: you might feel different about me by the time your grown up and however you feel I want you to know I’ll respect that. But I ain’t gonna forget about you. Not ever.” 

“Your time is up,” the court-appointed social worker states. 

“No!” Y/N shouts, burying herself deeper into Joel’s embrace. “NO! I’m not leaving! I won’t leave you!”

Joel hugs her back tightly, crying into the top of her head as she sobs softly into his chest. 

In the end, the social worker has to pull her away as she screams.

“I love you, Y/N!” he calls to her as the social worker drags her from him. “Never gonna forget you, babygirl. Remember that.”

All Joel can hear back is a broken wail.

***

Erica attends the trial; the kids are forbidden. Joel’s defense claims it was a drunken accident and goes for manslaughter. Because he killed a known child molester he has no trouble while he waits in jail. He is even considered a hero by some. No one tries to fuck with him and that’s how Joel would prefer it since if he gets into too many fights it will just add to his sentence and he must get out and get back to his babygirl if she’ll still have him. His lawyer tells him not to mention the threats that David made toward Y/N because it will look like more of a reason that Joel would have had to intentionally kill him as opposed to accidentally like the manslaughter plea would have the court believe. Joel listens. He does exactly what he’s told because this lawyer is good and he needs to get out someday for christ sake.

In the end, he gets ten years and his lawyer tells him he could get eight for good behavior.

Eight years, if Joel can manage it.

They take him away to prison in handcuffs. Erica sobs. It is the last time he sees her.

***

Joel always wondered if his temper would land him in prison. Now that he’s here things go surpringly well. He gets a reputation for being the murderer of a child molestor and people respect him, listen to him when he bothers to speak. He keeps things in order and people start to refer to him as the “pod boss.” He also reads a lot in his cell, tries to help people with their cases and appeals if he can. And if someone steps out of line, Joel is more than happy to put them in their place so long as he can avoid attention from the guards, who he actually mostly gets along with to their faces, but behind their backs beats people to a pulp. No one ever dares to snitch on him and he is considered on the right track to get out for good behavior early. 

Time passes — painfully long stretches of time.

He has a lot of time to think, to read. He reads every book in the prison library over the time he is incarcerated. He reads parenting books, self-help books, books on trauma, books on abuse, books on anger management, books on meditation, books on spirituality (nothing sticks in that regard though, he is still furious like God, but less so these days). Somehow his anger has started to simmer down a notch.   

But he worries his babygirl will forget about him, or worse grow to hate him. He’s not sure he’ll survive that.    

Luckily, or he might have withered away and died, somehow Y/N convinces Erica to let her write him a letter once a month and have one call with him on Christmas. 

Christmases quickly become his favorite day of the year. 

Y/N writes him religiously. She talks about how angry she is at him, how she misses him, how she finally fixed the motor on Joel’s old pickup truck, how some boy gave her a love letter on Valentine’s Day, how she thinks of him every day.

Joel never tells her what David said about her, lets her believe he is just some violent, drunken idiot. He writes back how much he misses her, how he read a new book this week, how prison food is shit, how he’d probably greet that boy with a shotgun if he thinks he’s getting anywhere with his babygirl, how his whole heart beats for her.

She’s allowed to send him one photo a year, her most current school photo, and Joel hangs them on the wall of his cell so he can see her beaming at him at his highest and lowest moments along with the tiny picture of Sarah he managed to save from his wallet. 

Aiden even sends him a card each Father’s Day. It never has anything written in it except for whatever stupid pun or text the card came with, but Joel reads between the lines with that one. Each one seems to whisper to him louder and louder, I love you and I forgive you. Joel writes him back, “Thanks, kiddo. -Joel” He hope that conveys the thousands of sorrys he wants to scream from the rooftops and say straight to the boy’s face. He will someday when he gets out. He makes himself promise. He hears from Y/N when Aiden joins the marines. 

When Joel gets to actually hear Y/N’s voice on the old prison phone it’s like the most beautiful sound he has ever heard except for maybe Sarah’s voice. She babbles away about her life and what’s she’s up to and he hangs on every word like gospel. He barely gets a word in, but prefers it that way. Wishes he could hear her singing. Once, when she’s sixteen, and sounds so woefully grown up it hurts Joel’s entire heart, she hums a little absentmindedly and he can’t get the sweet sound out of his head. Her love for him never seems to waver and that is a blessing that Joel will never forget, the only thing he would thank this cruel God for. And of course, his love for her never wavers either. She is the only beacon of light for him in this dark and mundane existence. She is his everything.

***

When Y/N is eighteen and no longer under her mother’s control, she comes to visit him in person. This is the first time they have seen each other in six years. Despite their loving correspondence, Joel is nervous to see her for the first time since her childhood. He worries about how awkward it might be.

When he sees her walking into the dinky little family meeting room, his entire mode of existence changes.

She looks so beautiful, so grown-up. Sure she had always been a cute little kid, Joel always thought that, but now she is a woman. Tears come to Joel’s eyes. When her eyes connect with his, he feels so seen .

He tries to get a word out, but before he can she is running to him, into his arms and Joel has never felt something so perfect in his entire life. He knows he has never felt a love like this before. Not even with Sarah…something about this is different somehow? Joel is not too in touch with his feelings, but he’s trying to be more attentive to them these days with nothing left to do but read about such topics as “emotional regulation” and “mindfulness.” He’ll come back to this thought later though…

Y/N begins to babble into his ear, something about missing him and not wanting it to be awkward, but this is the furthest from awkward Joel has ever felt.

Joel has never been a man of many words so all he can think to say is,

“Missed you, babygirl.”

She grins at that, brighter than all the suns of all the planets in the universe (Joel has been reading about those too) and he laughs for the first time in what feels like a lifetime.

She laughs too, wipes tears from her eyes, and says,

“Missed you too, Joel. More than you know.”

Joel thinks that can’t possibly be true for that is all he has known for the last six years and possibly his entire life: missing her.

She comes once a month, drives an hour just to see him, and she tells him about college and later her very own shitty apartment. Her mother has thrown herself into her work and Aiden is serving his second tour. She makes good grades and has a stable boyfriend that treats her well, she swears. Joel couldn’t be happier for her, except the boyfriend business does make him want to crush that little fucker’s head in for some reason.

***

The last time Y/N comes to visit before his release (eight years to the day for good behavior) (she is 20 damn years old already!) something feels different to Joel. When he hugs her to greet her, he’s suddenly very aware of her body, the curves of it, her softness. Her hair smells so good, he doesn’t want to let go of her and then to his intense dismay and shock he feels himself getting a little excited down south. Immediately, he lets go of her, feeling like a pervert, praying she didn’t and doesn’t notice. He doesn’t see any obvious signs from her and the two sit down (Joel rather quickly) at the flimsy, nailed-down table and they talk of Joel’s impending release. All the while, Joel is trying to stay calm. He convinces himself it was just an accident and that he hadn’t been around any women in what felt like an eternity and that’s what  led him to get worked up. But when Y/N leaves to go home he feels a kind of dull longing in the bottom of his gut. A different kind of longing then what he had felt for a younger Y/N. Joel tells himself not to repress for the first goddamn time in his life and let himself feel. And he does. He feels butterflies and yearning and need, a great big need inside himself. And then he knows what else he feels: the gut-wrenching, unquenchable sensation of love and beneath that, primal, base, and self-loathing: desire . 

In his solo cell (that he has acquired because he is the pod boss and respected) he jerks off to those thoughts, touches himself to those feelings. When he cums unusually hard, he feels an overwhelming amount of shame. Of this, Joel knows, he will never ever tell another soul. Joel also knows he will not hurt his babygirl any more than he already has, intentionally or not, not ever. But then again, being a good, upstanding man has never really quite been in his arsenal, has it?

Tags (LMK if you wanna be tagged!): @toxicanonymity @motelprincess444 @epicrainbowsheep @anama-cara @sheepdogchick3

@denileisariver @lochnymph @mewantpeepaw @fandomdaydreamer @r3dheadedwitch

PLEASE COMMENT LIKE REBLOG IM BEGGING IM PLEADING IM CRYING

PART 2

Violent Heart Masterlist

Full Masterlist of all my work

[aggywytchking]

RadioStatic Crumbs

just because I see no one else mentioning them- and I really enjoy the ex-friendship, one sided interest theory

#1: Welcome home

When Vox starts his big song about his supposed enemy coming back after years away, his very first line is:

“Welcome home”

Now at first whenI watched the show I thought he was like saying that to himself as he walked up to the screens? But now I realized he was literally just saying “welcome home” to Alastor. Which is just so…

#2 Alastor lets Vox see him on camera.

So we all know from the last episode that Vox somehow has a photograph of Alastor- but two times before that, we see Vox viewing Alastor on video. Once on the initial security footage (which glitches due to one of them)

But then again on the video watch- he must be able to see Alastor.

At first when he turns he’s just annoyed, by once he’s face-to-face with Alastor he does the same startled/sad expression we see from Husk in episode 4.

#3 Manners/ Mirroring

On a lesser note, I wonder if they got along initially due to Vox having some of the best manners we see out of any of the male characters.

I also noticed Vox does the same hand- behind back pose, and smiles forcibly quite often

#4 Familiar tone

Most of the reoccurring characters call Alastor “radio demon” or sir at least once. Vox though only ever calls him Alastor, except in his broadcast subtitle he says “radio guy.” (Also the little ramble about how much he so doesn’t care down there is hilarious)

Also in this image he claims to know Alastor has Hooved feet? But we only ever see Alastor wearing shoes

Lastly he’s the only one to make any sort of deer joke (we hear a lot of cat jokes at the expense of Husk, but no one points out Alastor’s deer features outside of Vox). Also being that Alastor is a cannibal, and shown to eat deer gruesomely- this clip feels less of a threat and more like preparing the dude his favorite meal lol

[haespoir]

try again: ldh.

never not, pt 2!

⨯ pairing: ex!haechan x reader

⨯ word count: 1.4k 

⨯ summary: sleeping with your ex wasn't the best idea when you're too much of a coward to face him after. thankfully, haechan's anger seems to be enough courage for the both of you.

⨯ warnings: uhmmm no content warnings that i can think of... fluff n angst is all i've got.. haechan is desperate and reader gives in easily... just like me fr

⨯ playlist: try again, jaehyun / clementine, grantperez / wayo, bang yedam / universe, thuy 

⨯ extra content: part one

⨯ a/n: finally... part two is here!!! i hope you guys enjoy it.. i wanted to include more angst... but i couldn't do it. feedback is always greatly appreciated 🩵

. . .

Waking up to an empty bed has Haechan livid, like absolutely enraged. No one could calm the male down, not that they even wanted to try. It was an unspoken rule to just let Haechan feel his emotions; the male felt everything so intensely that it was useless to even attempt to help. 

He couldn’t believe it. If there weren’t bruises scattered along his neck, he would have believed it was some horribly fucked up dream. It was so cruel of you to leave him like this. Even if he had more than a few drinks the night before, he was honest and true in his intentions of wanting to talk. Maybe somewhere along the way the execution was messed up, but he was determined. 

Which is why he gives himself time to cool off. Barging into your apartment when he was seeing red was not a wise decision, he knew that much at least. Haechan was not the same immature kid he was when you guys began dating, and he wanted to prove that to you. 

He did. 

He really did. 

But old habits die hard. 

haechan [1:05 pm]: i gave you three hours since i’ve woken up  haechan [1:05 pm]: answer the damn phone  haechan [1:05 pm]: you’re not getting off the hook that easily haechan [1:30 pm]: don’t leave me on read  haechan [1:30 pm]: i know where you live  you [1:31 pm]: is that a threat?  haechan [1:32 pm]: it doesn’t have to be  haechan [1:32 pm]: talk to me haechan [1:32 pm]: please  you [1:36 pm]: tomorrow  haechan [1:39 pm]: not a fucking chance  haechan [1:40 pm]: i'm coming over you [1:50 pm]: the code is the same

You weren’t sure how you were going to prepare for this one. The walk of shame out of Haechan’s room was already enough emotional torment for the day. You weren’t ready to face him. You couldn’t think of a single excuse, and you knew Haechan was ready to eat you alive. 

Before you can even stop it, the tears begin to pool. You don’t even attempt to fight it as you sit on your couch, the tears rapidly decorating your cheeks. How did you tell your first love that you were a coward? How did you tell him that you loved him so intensely it scared you? At some point during your first year of college, you had begun to spiral when every icebreaker in a class involved Haechan. 

What do you like doing? 

Hmm, you usually watched your boyfriend's game with his friends.

Who’s your closest friend? 

Oh easy, Haechan. 

Girls night? 

Sorry, you were hanging out with Haechan. 

Being so dependent on him was terrifying, but you knew that you couldn’t stop. So you had to cut him off; there were probably better ways to go about it, but you didn’t give it much thought. 

It was so unfair to him. 

You can’t even begin to fall down that rabbit hole because there’s a sudden pressure on the couch next to you. Haechan was faster than you thought; in fact, it was probably a record speed for Haechan to arrive somewhere. He was someone who enjoyed being fashionably late, anything to make a grand entrance. However, for once, he decides to enter quietly. After all, the fact that the code to your apartment was still his birthday was something that he hoped had more meaning than just being a memorable set of numbers. 

“Why are you crying?” You flinch visibly at his tone. You remind yourself that you did this to yourself. Haechan had months of pent-up frustration, and you were prepared to take the entire thing. 

That was a lie, by the way. 

Because you can’t even bring yourself to look at him. “Do you want a snack? I bought some clementines recently.” You’re deflecting; you both know it. Without giving him a chance to even reply, you rush to the kitchenette in your studio apartment. Once you’re far enough, you steal a glance at Haechan. 

Seeing him spread on your couch like that squeezed your heart in ways you could not describe. He looked like he belonged there, like there was no place in the world better than your couch in your small apartment for him to be. Even now when you feared that this would turn into a screaming match and that you both would be left with a hurting heart once again, you knew that you would always love the man who sat in your living room. 

He was your universe, your everything. The fact that two years had gone by did not change the connection between you two. It was like you had never left his side; you were his perfect puzzle piece. 

And you prayed, as you gathered a few clementines and a plate, that you hadn’t ruined it completely. 

Once you’re seated next to him again, you allow yourself the small distraction of peeling the citrus for him. Without realizing it, you’re both sitting in silence; you’re peeling the small fruit and handing each piece to Haechan. It’s like you’ve fallen into a familiar routine. He takes each piece of fruit without much thought, savoring the tart flavor. He swears it tastes best when you’re peeling it for him, even going as far as to remove the pith for him. He always complained that the small strings were too bitter. Someone as sweet as him shouldn’t be eating it, you used to say. 

Unknowingly, Haechan’s anger seems to disappear as the nostalgia creeping through his body appears. After all, he was always him when he was with you. 

“Why did you do it?” His voice is small when he speaks as if eating had drained him of all the anger coursing through his veins. 

“I had to. You consumed my every waking thought,” you reply, feeling the tears beginning to well up. “It’s such a shitty excuse, I know. But I should not be in my general ed classes thinking of marrying my high school sweetheart.” Your attempt at a joke is poor because it’s true. That was something you both knew; there were many nights where you two had laid in his bed, his arm wrapped securely around your shoulders as you discussed married life. 

But when you realized just how deep you were, you became scared. Terrified. It was so overwhelming to be in love with someone like Donghyuck. The fear of the unknown had beaten you down. 

“That’s so unfair, and you know it,” he says in disbelief. So he was right last night. “I had spent so many months thinking I did something wrong; that there was something wrong with me. You made me think I was unlovable.” 

Your heart breaks into a million pieces at his words. Had you done that to him? How could he even look at you right now? 

“Oh, Hyuck,” you sniffled, letting his nickname slip into your vocabulary as if it had never left. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Your hands are cupping his face, wiping the tears that spilled from his eyes. Your fingers smelled of citrus as you wiped his tears. At that moment, your love was an offering of your soul and sincerity, an act that spoke volumes to him. “Forgive me,” it declared, “I love you so dearly.” 

“That has never been the case. I don’t think there’s a single person who hasn’t fallen in love with you at least once in their life.” You can only hope your sincerity reaches him.  

“Well, there’s Renjun…” You roll your eyes at his attempt to be humorous, feeling a bit better knowing that whatever was going on in his head wasn’t bad enough for him to not crack a joke. 

Without a word, Haechan is wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing his head into your shoulder. “What about you?” he murmurs. “How many times have you fallen in love with me?” 

You chew your lip, not fighting your instinct when your hands go to his hair. “I don’t think I could count,” you say. “I fall in love with you every day.” 

“Even now?” 

You hum, pressing a small kiss to the crown of his head. “Even now.” 

That seems to satisfy him. Quickly, he’s pushing onto the couch, the plate of citrus quickly forgotten as he cuddles into your side. “We’ll be alright, right?” It’s a question, but you think it’s more for him than it is for you. You hum again, intertwining your fingers with his. “I want to try again.” 

This time you don’t fight it. After all, you were his clementine. His inevitable lover. 

[cheezeybread]

Hi! Can I request how Leona, Trey, Ruggie and Cater would react to a male reader flirting with them two seconds after meeting them? (I imagine Leona's segment being especially comical since the player's first interaction with him involves him threatening us)

YAY, a request! So psyched for this >:) My first thought was of those terrible pick-up lines people use off of Google, ehehe-

Tw// None...maybe a swear or two, but mostly funny things, I swear! :)

𝐌𝐚𝐥e 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐢𝐬

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐥𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫??

𝙁𝙩: 𝙇𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙖, 𝙍𝙪𝙜𝙜𝙞𝙚, 𝙏𝙧𝙚𝙮, 𝘾𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐀 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑

He's so confused at first

Like, he was just taking a nap in the gardens when this herbivore came out of NOWHERE and stepped on his tail, or course he's mad! But then when he gets up and starts to threaten this nobody, he starts flirting with him???

"Oh, excuse me! Where you laying on the ground because you just fell from heaven?" "WHAT."

He gets caught off guard by this, obviously, and can't even think straight! But after a few small stammered words, he manages to collect himself once more and finishes his half-baked physical threats before storming off

Of course, he'd be lying if he said that this didn't install just a liiiiittle hint of curiosity in him. Curiosity killed the cat, after all! Even though he's not one to stalk and find out everything about this flirter, he'll find out some things through listening to people chatting in his classes, in the hallways, and just in general. Apparently this guy that tried to flirt with him wasn't just a nobody herbivore, it was a MAGIC-LESS nobody! The very same one that came in during their orientation and caused such a big ruckus!

He ain't gonna do nothing with this information at first, of course. But one of two things can happen.

1) If you try flirting with him subtly, he ain't gonna notice. He'll chalk it up to you being "friendly" or whatever it is well-liked people do

2) BUT if you keep flirting with him in the same obvious manner, he's gonna catch those feelings sooner or later (starting right after his little overblotting incident ;) ), so keep up the good work!

●○●○●○●○●○●

𝐑𝐔𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐄 𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐇𝐈

In the crowded cafeteria, he thought that he just misheard you, so he had to ask you to repeat what you said

"Wow, what beautiful eyes you have...all the better to see me with, huh? ;)"

Bro is immediately flustered by this dude stepping in between him and Grim that he drops Leona's sandwich, which causes Grim to simultaneously drop the food he got in the trade. Don't worry, though, Ruggie caught the sandwich!!

Ruggie is the type to get so flustered and embarrassed when anybody tries to flirt/say anything nice to him that he gets red in the face and starts laughing nervously

"Sheeheeheheh- gotta go, heehee, s-sorry, thanks for the sandwich, kitty, eehee-"

And with that, he runs off, sandwich in hand and face still beet red

That still doesn't stop him from doing his dastardly plans regarding the Spelldrive tournament...it just means that he's a little more wary of you (He's a little nervous around you, low-key. I mean, someone that compliments him like THAT, and Ruggie is trying to think of what the ulterior motive is here!)

It'll take a while, but eventually he gets it through his head that there IS no ulterior motive! Badabing-badaboom, you now have a super-loyal hyena by your side!

Bro isn't going anywhere.

●○●○●○●○●○●

𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐘 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑

This is the only dude in the entire school who is normal and has normal relationships, pretty much.

His first assessment of the flirting is just that maybe that's how you are. Some people are shy, some are outgoing, and some are overly-flirtatious!

So he takes it in stride, and even flirts back with you!

"A baker, huh? Explains why you're so warm and sweet!"

"Hehe, and what are you, a pastry? I feel like I'm gonna need to brush my teeth after talking to you, you're so sugary sweet."

Overall, not fazed at all!

But this does make him like you all the more! He liked the bold nature (it was a breath of fresh air after being stuck in this dorm with emotionally-distant punks!)

He's sure to stick close to you whenever he sees you. Oh, you're heading to class? He'll walk you there. Passing by in the hallway? You're greeted with a soft smile and an eager greeting.

He'll also use you as a taste-tester! Trey enjoys the time he gets to be with you, and it also doesn't hurt to practice his back-and-forth flirting banter! Be careful, though, or one day you'll notice that it'll cease to be friendly fire and verges more on the edge of "man, two dudes in a kitchen, maybe we should just go ahead and kiss or something"

●○●○●○●○●○●

𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐃

He absolutely doesn't take you seriously at first.

I mean, come on, he's CATER DIAMOND, social media god! Hearthrob over Magicam! He's received plenty of flirts both on the screen and in real life!

BUT he does give you an absolute shit-ton of compliments back

"What are you doing here, pretty boy? Painting flowers? Because it seems more like you've just painted my heart <3"

"Hah! Thanks, sweet thing, you ain't too bad yourself! Watch yourself, or you might get one of those pretty little hands pricked by a thorn"

I mean, later on, when he's about to go to sleep, he'll rethink the whole situation...wait, WERE you actually flirting with him? I mean, it didn't seem like you flirted with anyone else in the Heartslabyul...

He'll totally try and stalk your social media (but, of course, he'll fail at that because you don't HAVE any social media because you're not from this world!)...after that, he'll have to search for information about you irl (the horror!)

Asking around with the students, the teachers, listening for any new gossip, Cater will try and find out every little thing about the mysterious being that is you! He's not a creep about it, I promise, he just wants to find out if you're the type to flirt flippantly or seriously

In the end, he'll just straight-up ask you if you were /j or /srs with him then

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

[thesperitz]

The True Identity of Lu Guang

A Link Click Theory

Ok guys, we all learn from the ending of s2 that Lu Guang is actually his future self from the ‘original’ timeline possessing the Lu Guang from the current timeline. But clearly, there’s more. Something else.

No known age or blood type? That’s a bit strange, isn’t it? I understand the age thing would have to do with the diving-back-in-time itself, but blood type?

And what’s with all the cat symbolism?

All three main characters do have animal counterparts, but Lu Guang is the only one with so much cat merch in the donghua. Qiao Ling has her bunny phone case, but that’s it. And Cheng Xiaoshi doesn’t own anything dog-related.

Lu Guang literally wears a cat pyjama set for most of season 2.

Ok, so why’s the cat motif important? This is where it gets interesting.

The one possessing Lu Guang is a cat.

Stick with me yall.

So remember Elizabeth, the cat Cheng Xiaoshi brought in the chibi episodes? Lu Guang refuses to take it in, and he gets super upset after the cat scratches him. 

Not only does his behaviour in this scene reflects catlike coping strategies, but his and Elizabeth’s behaviour in the two shorts reflect typical cat mating behaviour. 

Elizabeth seems to want Lu Guang’s constant attention and rubs against him.

She also rolls over on her back in a ‘seductive manner’, despite only knowing him for like, a day. 

These behaviours are more frequent in cats in heat (cats can reach sexual maturity as kittens). Elizabeth even begins to dislike Cheng Xiaoshi, possibly because she sees him as a threat in what should be a safe territory, or competition she just doesn’t want.

But cats do these around humans anyway, so how does it relate to Lu Guang being a cat?

Well, don’t forget he exhibits cat mating behaviours too.

While only female cats go in heat, male cats can respond to pheromones released from these females. These pheromones are powerful attractants that can travel through air, able to communicate their reproductive status and desires to potential mates. The males can detect these pheromones and engage in behaviours to pursue the female.

This response can include vocalisations + roaming to find the source of the pheromones, displays of physical prowess/aggression to fight off competition and impress the female, rubbing, following of females and unusually affectionate behaviour.

The presence of Elizabeth’s pheromones could have been what triggered Lu Guang’s sudden liking to her. 

Now we can’t say Lu Guang displayed all of these behaviours, but not all male cats do. We can say, however, that he was particularly attached to Elizabeth, quite unusually indeed.

Remember when I mentioned his unknown age and blood type? Well, if you add the context of a cat possessing him, then it makes sense. Obviously, cats age differently to humans - a 1 year old cat is just 15 in human age, while a 5 year old cat is well into their 30s. 

As for the blood type, cats have 3: Type A, B and AB. Compare this to the 8 human blood types, O+, O-, A+, A-, B+, B-, AB+ and AB-. It makes sense for these to be ‘unknown’ in Lu Guang’s character bio, to hide this twist.

All of this seems like far-fetched speculation based on observed behaviours and what-ifs. But how does a cat possessing Lu Guang fit into the narrative?

Okay. Imagine you’re a cat, just a street cat living your best life, and you somehow wake up to find you’re in a new place, with a new body, new feelings and new memories. You can also suddenly talk to humans, whom you’ve previously had a many dice rolls of experiences with. If you feared for your safety from these humans, wouldn’t you try to pretend nothing’s up?

The cat that found itself possessing Lu Guang sure did. It adopted Lu Guang’s entire identity. I believe the incident occurred some time before the events of the donghua. If you’ve ever read the Link Click manhua, you may have noticed that Lu Guang is written ever so slightly… nicer? Softer? 

If the manhua is set before the donghua, and if the cat started possessing Lu Guang between these times (perhaps in the ‘original’ timeline), Lu Guang’s colder personality in the donghua is explained.

It would be a major plot twist to find out the Lu Guang we know isn’t human at all. 

Some other details that point toward Lu Guang’s feline secret:

He likes sleeping, sunbathing and gourmet food. Obvious cat behaviour

His assigned flower is the forget-me-not, completely safe around cats, while Cheng Xiaoshi’s is the daisy and Qiao Ling’s is the hyacinth, which both happen to be toxic to cats. 

He can’t tolerate spice (please do not feed your cats spicy food)

if you look closely, sometimes his hair kinda looks like it has cat ears.

Hes just generally catlike, yknow?

Not to mention, HIS SLIT PUPILS IN EVERY. SINGLE. OFFICIAL. ART.

It’s more obvious if you compare it to other characters.

In conclusion, this whole time, Lu Guang has been possessed by a cat.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk. *mic drop*

[d3m0nicdream]

Prom Night: Colby Brock (Part 1)

**Colby Brock Prom AU Poll Winner**

Colby Brock x fem!reader - a budding story about two people believed to be very unavailable to anyone, until they set their sights on eachother.

Part 2 is now up:

Part 2

tags: Slowish-burn, multi-parts, POVs will change in each part, I'll put tags on each part as they get posted. (there will be smut in later parts)

***************************************************

There is a difference between being well known and being popular. Y/N was both but Colby Brock was well known.

Y/N was a popular girl in high school. She wasn’t mean to people, she talked to pretty much everyone and she had pretty good grades all in all. Everyone knew her and everyone liked her. Especially the boys, but she would never accept anyone's proposal for dates or hang outs. It frustrated the majority of the male population but they weren't mad per say. They saw it as more of a competition against each other. If you could bag Y/N for just a hangout session, you would be a legend. So of course, Y/N had a lot of the male attention.

Colby Brock. He was a funny guy, he was also known throughout the school. He was nice to everyone, talked to everybody like they were friends, no matter who you were. His stunning dark hair and blue eye combo had all the girls fiendish over him and he would hear them out but politely decline.

While sitting and watching the football players practice, an event she was invited to by the entire football team. Y/N and her best friend Kat sit on the bleachers and witness the calamity that is their football team. Truthfully she felt more like a distraction than anything so with that she yells to the team.

“Hey, I going to head to study hall guys, good luck!” She waves and they all wave back, telling her to drop by again sometime which would not be happening unbeknownst to them. Her and Kat walk down the track but her eyes wander to the marching band, setting up for a football game performance.

"Hey Kat? Is that Colby Brock?" She points to the dark haired boy setting up his clarinet, him oblivious to her presence.

"Yeah, he's a band nerd haha. What a loser." Kat scoffs and rolls her eyes.

"What's wrong with being in the marching band?" Y/N quizzes as she stares at the group and their instruments, she had always wanted to learn how to play an instrument but never had time for it.

"Uh. Only nerds are in band, Y/N. Come on. Haven't you seen like any high school movie ever? Why are we staring at them. We need to go to study hall." She glares at the group and then walks away. Y/N jogs to catch up. She doesn't go unnoticed because there were two boys watching her, one being Colby Brock.

************************************************************************

"I don't know dude. it definitely looked like she was staring at you. Could you imagine?" Sam pipes up smacking Colby in the arm.

"My best friend bagging the legendary Y/N. That would be crazy!" Sam beams.

"Yeah, hence I'm not doing it." Colby goes back to packing up his instrument. He thought it was so ridiculous. Sure she was pretty but every dude was fawning over her. He would probably be murdered by someone to get to her, he believed people were that crazy.

"Hey, you think her friend Kat would go out with me?"

"Doubt it. She seems bitchy. I don't get how they are friends." Colby heads to his dreaded 4th period class where he's forced to watch people make fools of themselves for Y/N. It was quite painful to witness if he was being honest. As he's walking, he overhears what sounds like a threat by someone to his left. He sees Y/N being pressed up against a wall by some football douche with no escape.

"Sam, follow me." Colby walks up behind the guy, grabbing his shoulder.

"Damn, out here trying to bag Y/N?" Colby smirks.

"I wouldn't hold my breath buddy." Colby whispers in the kids ear while patting his back.

"Back the fuck off. She was just about to tell me she was going to see later. Right, Doll?" He smirks at Y/N like shes a meal and it doesn't sit well with Colby at all. He looks at Sam and he nods over to her. Sam understands him without a word being spoken. Colby grabs the dudes shoulders and yanks him around, pushing him out into the hall where he stumbles and falls to the ground. Colby towering over him while Sam slides by and grabs Y/N to move her out of the way.

"You better get going, class starts soon and you probably shouldn't miss it." Colby winks.

"This is not how you play the game, Colby."

"Oh buddy, I'm not even playing." He waves the guy off. He gets up and mumbles a 'fuck you' to Colby before heading down the hall. He turns and heads to Sam.

"Hey, uh. Thanks for that. Usually I can handle them but he was... persistent." Y/N speaks up immediately as Colby walks up. He waves at her.

"It's all good. We need to get to class though." All three walk to their class together and make it just before the bell. The rest of class, the room is buzzing about them all showing up together.

After class, Colby and Sam leave to meet up with Jake and Corey but they end up finding them first.

"Dude. You seriously got into a fight with Brent Snider? That's ballsy." Corey grabs Colby by the shoulders, playfully shaking him. Colby smiles at his friends actions.

"It wasn't that big of a deal. I was just helping someone."

"That someone being Y/N!" Jake flashes his screen at Corey and the boys. Corey's jaw drops.

"Dude. What the fuck. I thought you weren't in the game?" Corey stares at him wide eyed.

"I'm NOT. Look, he had her pinned to a wall, what was I supposed to do? Leave her there?" Colby rolls his eyes.

"I'm going home. I'll see you guys later." Colby pushes through everyone and they look at each other.

"COLBY! WAIT FOR US, DUDE!" Jake yells and runs after him, the others in tow. On the other side of the school, another conversation was being had between Y/N and Kat.

"Seriously! If Colby wasn't there, Brent would have done something to me, dude." Y/N shudders as she goes on about what happened to her to Kat. That was one thing she was afraid of when it came to the guys and this 'game' as they call it. She almost wishes she had someone like Colby around to ward them off. They walk towards the parking lot to their cars.

"Well, I'm glad you are safe. that sounds really scary. Hey.. Was Sam there with him?" Kat asks nonchalantly, avoiding eye contact with her friend who is clearly staring daggers into her.

"Sam Golbach? Yeah, he pulled me out of the corner while Colby was doing his thing. Why?" Y/N could read Kat like a book.

"Oh, uh. no reason. Let's go."

************************************************************************

:)))) thanks for the love &lt;3

Part 2

[buckera]

Someone needs to tell tim about relationship-baiting because no it's not really queerbaiting but if he didn't/doesn't intend on going anywhere with how he wrote them, it could feel like relationship-baiting to fans. Especially now that he's going a different way even though he *could* go with buddie on abc. He knows exactly if he gave a definite no on buddie, a lot of people would stop watching. So him saying hey I gave you those scenes just to make you happy felt... :/ not good. He has every right to do what he wants with his characters but yeah that was a weird thing to say

okay, I am absolutely not trying to be mean here, but this is such a stupid way of looking at it.

1) relationship baiting? could've gone that way? we got bi Buck confirmed after 7 seasons. I'm sorry if that's not a good enough of a story for you, because it doesn't involve being attracted to Eddie. it is strategically and storytelling-wise more expandable, interesting and provides a better base for an eventual buddie storyline if that's the direction they want to go into than getting them together straight off the bat.

we got authentic, good bi rep without having the character feminised to fit a stereotypical queer role on TV. it's a huge fucking deal. so what if you have to wait for buddie a bit longer? does that mean it's never gonna happen? cuz how is that baiting if that's what we get in the long run?

and even if we don't get it, it's not bait to show two male friends being close after spending about 100+ hours a week together and going through trauma after trauma together. it doesn't have to be romantic. it can be. it doesn't have to be.

2) wanting to make the fans happy by giving them their most favourite guys finally hanging out and having fun and giving moments of them being so close again? yeah, I don't see how that's weird, I'm sorry. Tim knows we love them and that we love to see them together; giving us scenes with them is a kindess on his part and is clearly something that makes fans happy, if not being able to see a single scene of 2-minute of them singing was enough to warrant actual death threats??

Tim is out there doing something for the fans and you guys are crying about it and poking holes at his words. this is why we're not getting shit. and ngl if people get louder and meaner, I full on won't blame Tim to not go there with buddie at all, cuz why would he reward that behaviour?

watch the show. enjoy what we get cuz we've been getting A LOT of good stuff this season. major television history stuff actually. we are renewed for another season. stop rushing shit. if the story goes there, it'll be because it'll make sense. just be grateful for once, I beg.

[ninadove]

Hi Nina! Why transmask Felix and not transfem? Or you are fine with transfem too?

Hi Anon! Hope you’re having a wonderful day! 💖

I do like transfem Felix! In fact, I originally leaned more towards this option. The Senti-lore is extremely queer by nature, and I think it’s wonderful so many people can see themselves in the kids.

Really, it comes down to personal interpretation. Some notes below:

1. Colt Fathom is a massive douchebag.

Nothing groundbreaking here. We been knew. At first glance, you’d assume he would want a male heir for Toxic Masculinity Reasons™; but I think he would prefer a daughter, also for Toxic Masculinity Reasons™.

Colt is the kind of person who wants to elevate his own status in the world, and the solution he resorted to is marriage. This kind of alliances is frequent in the spheres he navigates, as seen in S5 with the Adrigami plot: as such, he would likely see his child not as an heir, like the GDV lineage would, but rather as something he could trade for even more power. A daughter of noble pedigree and born into considerable wealth would undoubtedly be a catch, and give him a leg up in his race against other rich jerks.

Additionally, we’ve seen how he acts around Felix — how he perceives him as a threat and a reminder of his own mortality. Peacock curse or not, asking for a son would have forced him to face the prospect of eventually being overpowered by his own progeniture every single day; but a little girl? Surely, there’s no threat there, right?

2. Felix’s first appearance gives us lots to think about.

Firstly, when it comes to Adrien’s reaction. When Amelie explains that she decided to drop by “so [they] could all be together” on the anniversary of Emilie’s fridging, this is the (adorable) face he makes:

Because he understands! If his aunt is here, surely his cousin must be here too. “All together” means all together.

Yet, when Felix actually appears, draped in dramatic lighting like the theatre kid he is, Adrien still looks strangely surprised:

Which Amelie immediately follows up by highlighting that they look “just like twins”. The characters should not need this comment — they were here the whole time the kids were growing up! Of course, there’s a doylist explanation to this line: we, the public, must understand that Identity Shenanigans Will Ensue (and they did). But what could this mean in-world?

I propose that the cousins did not always look exactly like each other — that they were perfect twins as young kids, but became more and more different as time went by. Perhaps one developed more feminine features, while the other grew up to look more masculine. If the Agrestes did not witness the early stages of Felix’s transition (probably started right after Colt’s death, so only a few months before canon), it makes sense they would be taken aback by the newly recovered resemblance between the kids.

And, of course, it adds some depth to the Identity Shenanigans. Especially if you read Adrien as genderqueer or transfem.

3. Felix exhibits stereotypically masculine behaviours every chance he gets.

This goes from wearing what is basically the Official Rich Boy Uniform (waistcoat, tie, black and white palette):

To certain mannerisms, like putting his feet on Gabriel’s desk to assert dominance against the guy who could literally snap him out of existence:

To the way he perceives himself: a cursed prince from a twisted fairytale, who systematically places himself in the role of the protector (even if it’s not always appreciated by the people in his life).

To me, this sliiightly over-the-top behaviour is very reminiscent of a child who just figured out something huge about their identity and is exploring it to the fullest — to find out what it truly means to them, and which aspects they want to incorporate into their life.

Which leads me to the most important point:

4. The Peacock Miraculous! 💜🦚

Deeply associated with Felix’s reclamation of his safety, freedom and bodily autonomy. And when we think about peacocks, what do we think about?

Colourful feathers. Panache. Ostentation (this is literally what groups of peafowls are called). A conception of masculinity that is different from social standards in most of the Western world, but is there and bold and unapologetic.

We don’t get to see Felix using the brooch for the first time — even his mum, who he trusts with everything, is absent. He needs this privacy to come to terms with his powers and make them his.

But then, when we do get to see him transform — everybody else witnesses it too. Felix goes from hiding behind Adrien’s face, ergo disguising as someone he is not, to revealing his identity to both the audience and the entirety of Paris.

This is Argos embracing who he truly is, even if the world might call him monstrous.

And finally, one more point:

5. Why would Tomoe prefer a model over a quasi-prince as a potential match for her daughter?

I get it — she has a partnership going on with Gabriel. But the woman is leagues smarter than him (What? Like it’s hard?) and could most likely find another way to turn the world into her own little dystopian dream, should she want to. Not to mention, even if Adrien is a catch by most people’s standards, he is still the bane of the GDV lineage.

Felix is the heir. Felix is just as wealthy, if not wealthier than the Agrestes. Felix is the best at everything he does (chess, horse-riding, karate) and as such should be a perfect fit for Kagami, even by Tomoe’s insanely high standards.

Yet, she keeps referring to him as this corrupting influence: not because he is a supervillain (she hangs out with them on the regular), but because he might whisper dangerous ideas about ✨ freedom ✨ and ✨ bodily autonomy ✨ in her sweet daughter’s ear while they make out dressed as Adrien’s parents. We know how important femininity is to the Tsurugi lineage: Duusu forbid this monster talks Kagami into rejecting it in any form.

So, there you have it, Anon. I’m sure there’s a lot of evidence to support other interpretations, but this is the one that resonates most with my brain! 💜🦚🏳️‍⚧️

Can’t believe I almost forgot:

“Felix” literally means happiness and luck: a weird choice from Colt, and it’s unlikely Amelie had any say in the matter. So when Argos says:

“Isn’t it great? We have everything we need to be happy!”

It very much sounds like his first name could be a conscious reclamation on his end!

[aliceismypixie]

The villain of my story ∥ The woods aren't for games

Summary - "The villain will always be the villain if the hero tells the story" or atleast that's what they say. No one knew why you became what you are. But you wanted your revenge on Isabella Marie Swan and you were ready to do anything to have it.

Pairing - Twilight x villain!reader

Pronoun - she/her (but can be read as a male reader or gn reader)

Warning - kidnapping

Words count - 1.17k~

Set - After Breaking-Dawn Part 2

Chapter 1 - Masterlist

Lucky them, vampires didn't need to sleep. Unlucky them, vampires couldn't sleep.

For the past two weeks, everyone just wanted to drown themselves in a peaceful slumber only to wake up and realize that the threat was only a bad dream and they were actually okay. Jacob, Seth and Leah had the luxury to sleep but once they would wake up, the hard reality would catch up on them and they were forced to watch over their friend.

Yes once again, there was a protection details for Bella once again. And everyone was either tired or annoyed about it. Leah and Rosalie were annoyed about the protection detail, sure they were somewhat 'friends' with Bella, but honestly Leah was there because she didn't have any other choice and Rosalie was more attached to Renesmee than Bella. The rest were tired. Everyone did try to hide it but it was pretty obvious. This family couldn't get a break. At Least not until the threat was gone.

"So you can't see anything ?" Leah asked with a scoff and Jasper tightened his hold against his wife.

"I've tried okay ? But all I see is a blank space. I can't see them or whatever their plan is. I've tried !" Alice argued back as the family was once again reunited in the living room.

"But we can't just have a protection detail, right ?" Seth innocently asked from his seat beside Esme, who sent him a motherly smile.

"No, we need to add a protection force. We can ask Sam's pack for help." Edward butted in and if Rosalie wasn't outside playing with Resentment Renesmee and Jacob, she would have rolled her eyes.

Of course Edward was only thinking about Bella's safety. But could you blame him ? She was his wife and he loved her more than anything. And as selfish as it sounds, the mind reader was ready to put anyone's life on line if it was to ensure Bella's well being and safety. He did it when the two nomads vampires hunted them, he did it when he forced everyone to leave Forks only to left them once they were out of the city, he did it when the newborn army was against Bella and he did it when the Volturi threatened to kill his family. And by his family, I was only talking about Renesmee and Bella.

But could you really blame him ? It was admirable ! A man boy, willing to risk's all his loved one's life for his true love ! Please take in consideration that Bella was only his singer and not his mate. See that ? He was so deeply in love with the main character that he was willing to do anything for her.

But anyways, Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen was only the main lead of the love triangle for the main character so let's not go deeper into the subject yeah ?

Bella felt like she was a burden. I mean she was but the main character is never a burden. But it wasn't her fault if people were revengeful ! All she ever wanted was to live a happy immortal after-life with her vampire god-like husband, her hybrid super rare child and her husband's super rich family. She was the victim here.

As I was saying, Bella felt like she was a burden and all she wanted was for everything to stop and go back to the way it used to be. Obviously not what it used to be before she met the Cullens, but like, you see the past year that passed without the Volturi or a rogue vampire wanting to kill her was actually nice.

"I'm so sorry guys. I really don't know who it could be…" Bella muttered.

"They're alone against all of us anyways." Emmett smirked, clearly thrilled by the feeling of being in a dangerous situation.

"Emmett, this is a serious matter." Edward scolded with a glare and his brother rose his hand in surrender.

"And I was serious too, relax dude." The buff vampire replied yet the tension in the room stayed so thick that you could cut it with a knife and Jasper's power was almost useless.

"We need to be ready for any eventuality." Carlisle announced and everyone agreed, feeling a strange and uneasy shiver run down their spines.

Rosalie, Jacob and Renesmee were all hanging out in the forest. The Cullen's territory was safe for now and if they felt any threat, they needed to go back home immediately, not that Renesmee would know anyways. Right now they were simply enjoying the fresh air outside of the suffocating windows of the Cullen's three story house and talking. Well, Rosalie and Jacob weren't really talking to each other you know, mostly talking to their favorite child.

"Aunt Rosalie, do you think that we'll catch them ?" Renesmee asked and the blond vampire sent her a comforting smile.

"Of course we will. They will not hurt any of us, don't worry." The Goddess-like vampire replied and Jacob rubbed his fluffy head against Renesmee's side, agreeing with Rosalie for once.

"Well then, you'll have to catch me !" Renesmee started to run away and the two grown up exchanged a look before running after her.

They were unlucky though, Renesmee inherited her father's speed. I would say the little girl was lucky to have inherited her father's speed, but when an immortal child was after you and equally as fast as you while your family was too far away to protect you, I wouldn't exactly say I was lucky.

Smelling the unfamiliar scent of lavender and wet-grass around them, Jacob and Rosalie immediately tried to go faster while Jacob howled, alerting the members of his pack. The two adults chased after Renesmee, missing the shadow passing them through the trees as they couldn't even see the hybrid in front of them.

"Renesmee slow down !" Rosalie called in panic.

Hearing her aunt's worried tone, Renesmee turned around swiftly, but what she didn't expect was to see a hooded figure only a few inches away from her with their red eyes glowing.

"I would stay quiet if I were you." The voice was childish yet there was some kind of venom and dangerous aura in them that made Renesmee stunned in fear.

Not far away from them, echoed the call of Rosalie, soon followed by the rest of the Cullens while the shifters were all in their wolf form causing the hooded figure to smirk before putting a hand on Renesmee's mouth.

"Let's go dear." They muttered and suddenly the clearing was empty, as if they never were there in the first place.

Reaching the clearing, everyone's expression fell as they found it empty. The only thing they could find was a letter gently laid on the ground and Bella took, her hands trembling at the thought of what probably happened and her heart fell, as well as everyone else's, as she rode the words of the letter out loud.

"'I told you to keep an eye open Bells. The woods aren't for games'."

Chapter 3

[prodigal-explorer]

specific things i’ve seen tss fans do that make me hate this fandom:

(disclaimer: a lot of this fandom is great but oh my lord i just have to show some of y’all how your behavior affects others because it’s atrocious)

please read this guys because chances are you or someone you know has done at least one of these things because they’re so rampant in this fandom it’s crazy-

1. sending death threats and calling somebody a “boot licker” and a “d-rider” for defending thomas’ silence about the war. like he shouldn’t be saying anything about the war unless he knows enough to have authority on it??? he’s a privileged white man who lives in a place where the war is not taking place. what productive thing would he be able to say about the war?? leave the man alone, he’s not a politician or a military general. if he did say something, it would probably be misinformation. stop acting like you’re some saint because you’re using bullying tactics to make yourself feel more woke.

2. writing aggressive posts about stuff thomas does that is not an issue. what i mean is that he does deserve to be called out if he fucks up (like the whole thing with underpaying his employees), but i saw a post where someone was using super aggressive language because thomas said he was “being delusional” in a short and someone was on their high horse about how thomas was “being insensitive to people who have mental disorders that involve delusions.” like…please go outside. anyone can have a delusion. and if thomas does make a REAL mistake that actually matters, there are better ways to go about it than spewing hate and name calling. he tries very hard and actively patches up mistakes as well as he can, which is more than what can be said about most cis white male celebrities.

3. blatant racism. i’ve been told by white people that my views on poc headcanons are wrong. like i’m a poc??? i would know more than you??? and i try to be nice about it?? so don’t attack me for saying that there’s nothing wrong with race headcanons as long as they’re done in a respectful way? or that just because roman speaks spanish one time doesn’t automatically make him latino and that’s actually a pretty racist assumption? just trust poc fanders. WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE WE EXPERIENCE RACISM ON A DAILY BASIS. white people will never know what it’s like. so stop acting like it. that’s a huge issue in this fandom.

4. a LOT of aphobia. there’s this concept going around that’s like “oh the sides could be ace because they’re not human so they don’t get romance!” like…babes let’s step back and look that over…cuz ace people aren’t ace because they don’t “understand” sex. that’s infantilizing and dehumanizing. it’s possible to be ace just because you don’t want sex in a conventional way. the sides are not a vessel for your aphobia.

5. SO MUCH RUDENESS WHEN IT COMES TO CHARACTER CRITICISM. the amount of death threats i’ve gotten just because i hate patton??? like PLEASE. i’m allowed to hate a character!! i have trauma and patton reminds me of horrible people in my life who did horrible things to me! he’s like a carbon copy of them in my mind! and even if i didn’t have trauma, it would still be valid because patton is a flawed character! there is nothing bad or wrong about dissecting a character’s unkind actions??? that’s just basic analysis. like i ADORE roman and you don’t see me wishing death upon people who don’t like him??? i just block and move on or i hear them out!! because discussion about the flaws of a character you like isn’t a personal attack!!! people NEED to get that in their heads cuz it’s so frustrating when people take it so personally and actively seek it out just to get mad at it.

[inspector-montoya-fox]

I want to rewrite/ share my thoughts on this post because honestly what the fuck did I know at the age of 20? The title was a bit overdramatic, I wouldn't go so far as to brand the series misogynistic per se, but admittedly some of its less progressive moments reserved for the female characters really have me questioning if Sucker Punch had their best interest in mind. There are only 7 of them: Carmelita, Penelope, Neyla, Mz Ruby, the Contessa, Henriette, and if we're being extremely generous, Jing King. Also worth noting that out of the 65 guards only 3 are female. That's what I call equal opportunity! I think the main argument lies in whether or not the girlboss moments outweigh the... not very girlboss moments.

Carmelita's development, not only as a character but as a woman, throughout the series is the primary point of discussion here. In Sly 1, she's mainly seen as a foil to Sly's plans, which attaches her to 3 kinda harmful notions. Firstly, the 'woman who has no chill is out to spoil the boys' fun' trope. Secondly, the fact that a high ranking Interpol officer is unable to put 2 + 2 together and see the bigger picture while chasing Sly, who is desperately trying to show her that he's not the mastermind behind the Mesa City casino or the firework factory or the evil volcano lair. It makes it seem like she's not good at her job and lowkey stupid. Thirdly, her appearances are opportunities for Sly to flirt with her. Kind of a thin line here between developing their relationship and Carmelita 100% not reciprocating the flirt. The dynamic being presented is 'goofy guy has crush on serious boss lady' but if we're being a bit realistic, it can also be received as Sly not taking this female law officer seriously.

In Sly 2 and 3, her role transgresses these stereotypes because she's given more depth: her professional relationship with Neyla, her downfall and her conversation with Sly in the helicopter all transform her into a multifaceted character. That last one also shows that, even though she wasn't reciprocating the flirting in Sly 1, she enjoys Sly's company and wants to be with him too. And when she becomes playable in Sly 3, the idea that she's the most powerful character in the series is fully realised. Her move set - mega jump and shock pistol - as well as the fact that her segments are reserved for the bigger threats serve to prove that she is the ultimate force to be reckoned with.

Penelope suffers from having the opposite trajectory. Flight of Fancy and its display of gender commentary is such a strong start for her character but all of that is immediately thrown into the garbage for the sake of turning her into yet another love interest. She's better at hacking than Bentley and can fistfight on a moving plane but instead of allowing her to be one of the boys, she's reduced to Bentley's crush and made a hostage twice. I think this is why it took me so long to understand her character. Because there's this really abrupt switch after her introduction which dilutes all her best parts, mainly how she's a tomboy who couldn't give less of a fuck.

When I was re-reading that original post, I was thinking that maybe I was a bit harsh but then realised the main point I had failed to convey was that... well, there's no nice way to put this but, the series is a product of the male gaze, exclusively. Yes. The protagonist is narrating his own story alongside his two buddies, so the entire world of Sly Cooper, as we know it, revolves around his own understanding of everything, including his perception of women. There is a lot of flirting and a lot of damsel in distress-ing, and these reflect on Sly's character. With the exception of Henriette, all the female characters are treated to either of the two, if not both: the main trio (Carmelita, Penelope & Neyla) are pigeonholed into the role of love interests, the former two also needing to be rescued, whereas Mz Ruby and the Contessa are met with flirty chit-chat from Sly (and I don't want to hear any bullshit that this is not the case again. If Sly handles the female villains with a more suave, teasing attitude as opposed to their male counterparts, guess what that means). And then there's the case of A Cold Alliance, which yay! anti-arranged marriage rhetoric and female empowerment by having the gang absolutely destroy Tsao, a total misogynist scum of the planet. Surely this harrowing experience must've had dire consequences on Jing King... oh wait. Sorry I forgot that Tsao's victim, the character whose rescue mission is the central plot of the entire episode, is not given a face and speaks only 2 lines of dialogue in favour of the pain her father has to go through... Isn't this kinda counterproductive?

I feel like, in closing, I have to reiterate that I don't think the series is misogynistic. Let's make that clear. I just think it's a bit 'one step forwards, two steps back' because its brand of feminism as well as its depiction of femininity are similar to the one in Marvel movies or Katy Perry's 'Woman's World'. Birthed by the male gaze, basically. A woman doesn't have to mega-jump and have a shock pistol to be a "girlboss", however. And, even though the majority of female characters are depicted to have established careers, it doesn't help that they have to have their gender brought up in some capacity. Anyway, I was going to close off by asking you to imagine a game where the developers have Carmelita wear a miniskirt but fuck that. Power to women.

[kald-dal-art]

THG OC LORE PLS :D

Sure can share some Lore about the OCs I have actually shared on here, but I have a few more.

14th: Minerva Paxton (D2)

District 2’s 4th Victor and the first Female Victor. One of the first volunteers for the games. Because she volunteered to be in the games she immediately got a lot of attention from people. Similarly to Katniss she only volunteered to save a loved one, but she is credited to start the trend of Careers volunteering to the games. Seeing as a way to protect the weak and get the glory of the games and victory. Minerva have grown to hate her legacy over the years and is one of the few District 2 Victors that has declined training future Careers in District 2’s academy’s but she has been a mentor many times. She would have several long term relationships but she never got married and never had any children. I’m 50/50 on if she is still alive around the 75th game.

23rd: Rowan Holbrook (D7)

District 7’s second Victor and its first female Victor. Was immediately a popular Victor. With her being a likable in her interviews, being resourceful in her arena and being a capable fighter. (I imagine the first Victor from 7 won because of Survival skills instead of his fighting skills so she stood out compared to him). She is kind of a wreck after her game drinking a lot and being a bit impulsive. But she gets over it mostly over the years.

She got married a few years after her Victory and had three children with him, 2 girls and 1 boy. Unfortunately for the 49th game her youngest kid get reaped for the games. She tried her best to save him from the games but unfortunately he falls victim to the arena event for this year’s game after that she fell back to her old coping mechanism of drinking to cope with her son’s death and the game season. She dies a few years before the 75th games of long term illness.

31st: Kennedy Thomas (D6)

District 6 second victor and the Districts first female Victor. A bit of a troubled lost kid when she got reaped, but proves herself in the arena.

She is the only one of the District 6s victors that didn’t fall into alcohol or/and drug abuse to cope with the games and her Victory afterwards. Even then she is known for having a short temper and being a bit paranoid, but it has gotten better over the years. I have more thoughts around her backstory but I am currently writing a fic around the District 6 victors so her and her backstory gets more fleshed out there. She had one serious relationship but it didn’t work out and she never had any kids. She is still alive around the 75th game

41st: Topaz Lafayette (D1) and 43rd: Persephone Light (D1)

I imagine these two are one of the few Victors couples that are out there.

I imagine Topaz is a very charismatic and easy going guy. He didn’t actually have any interest in participating in the games, but then his father lost a lot of money through bad financial decisions and gambling. so Topaz saw an opportunity to take care of his family with winning the games. So worked very hard to be the male tribute in the games. Because he was far from being the strongest and biggest guy in his year.

I imagine he managed to get a lot of support because unlike other Career tributes he seemed more down to earth and not as arrogant. It also made it easier to throw the other Careers off their guard because they didn’t see him as much of a threat because they kind of saw him as just a silly little guy. He has been a mentor many times over the years, and usually drills it into his tributes there is no point being good with a sword if the audience can’t root for you. Usually very good at getting sponsors for his tributes.

Persephone won 2 years after Topaz. Being a typical career with her training her entire life for the games. Immediately catching a lot of attention with her beauty and tall figure. Many people comparing her to a goddess and she was proven to be a pretty scary foe when thrown into the arena.

Her games got into a bit of controversy because people accused the Game Makers of rigging the game to make her win because he was biased. Nothing got proven but the game maker for her games quit shortly afterwards. She always hated those rumors, because she didn’t spend years training for these games and fighting her way on top just for people say she only won because she was a pretty face. She usually works at the academies at District 1, but has been a mentor a few times. She doesn’t like it though.

After Persephone wins she gets closer to Topaz because they won so close to each other. After a while they do fall in love and feel like the finally met someone where they didn’t have to keep their persona up. They got married around the 50/51 game and had two children. They are still alive for the 75th game.

47th Pearl McKinely (D4)

Probably the OC of these ones I have developed the least. But I imagine she was mentored by Mags and was a popular Victor after her victory. Was a more apathetic brutal person before the games, but afterwards she became a more caring person. Was a mentor for several years and takes good care for her tributes. She is still around for the 75th game.

Need to flesh her out more have a few ideas floating around for her. So think I have something more concrete for her in the future.

Here is the THG Fic I am currently writing about District 6 and it’s victors. ( X )

And some of these characters have appearances in that one as well.

Maybe one day when I finish my time line for THG I’ll do a proper fic about these people.

[misseviehyde]

OVER PROTECTIVE

Elixir Stage 1 - Disorientation

"Chloe... don't freak out, but it's me - your Dad. Please open the door and let me in. I know it sounds insane now I look like this - but I drank this Elixir stuff in order to become a girl and now I need your help.

I did this for you baby. When you told me you were dating a new boy, but you were scared I'd over react again when I met him - I realised I needed to do something. You know I've always been too over-protective of you. That's why I thought it would be a good idea to become a girl. I've scared off your last four boyfriends and I know it's driving a wedge between us.

It sure feels weird to go from a six-foot-six former firefighter into a petite and stacked twenty year old girl. I wasn't expecting to grow these big tits or have this soft plump ass. Everything jiggles when I move and I keep having these funny 'feelings' and thoughts.

The Elixir only lasts for a few hours at a time but I can take more if I need to. Before I meet your boyfriend though you gotta show me how to pass as a girl. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

You see my plan is that I can pretend to be one of your friends and see how he treats women. This way I'll get to know him properly and if he is a douchebag I can warn you and protect you.

Pleeeease Chloe... I know it seems weird, but take me under your wing. It might even be fun to spend some girly time together. I have so much to learn about being a woman.

I took a months leave from work and all the house-hold bills are up to date, so there's nothing to stop this single dad getting to be a girl for a while."

**************

Elixir Stage 2 - Acclimatisation

"See babe, I told you spending time together would be fun. I've learned so much about modern femininity and it's been great going shopping for clothes, hanging out with your friends and convincing everyone I'm your hot cousin Ashley from out of town.

It's weird how I keep forgetting you're actually my daughter - it just feels like we're girlfriends or something now. I guess being the same age and having the same interests helps. When you're as hot as we are, life is so much fun and it feels so naughty to tease all the boys.

I know right! I mean... it was a surprise to me too to find out I like boys now as much as you do. When you caught me checking out Todd's ass I thought your eyes were gonna pop out of your head. He really is a hottie though.

The fact I'm perving over your boyfriend means at least I can confirm he is FIT. I'm not sure if male me would actually approve of him being such a HIMBO, but girl you have landed on your feet with this one.

He's rich, dumb and ripped... in some ways every girls wet dream... but all joking aside I'm still not sure if he is right for you. I need to hang around him more, make sure he's a good match for you.

You haven't slept with him yet right?

Good. We don't want him thinking you're easy. Anyway lets call up the girls and meet them for coffee, I love hanging out with them so much. I never thought I'd enjoy being a girly girl so much, but there you go!"

***********

Elixir stage 3 - Bitchification

"God Chloe... don't be such a prude. I couldn't keep wearing the outfits you picked for me forever - this is MY new style and I like it. There's no better feeling than wearing a pair of bitchy fuck me boots and a tight clingy top that shows off my big tits so that all the boys start staring and wanting to fuck me.

Todd has been staring the most - you ought to keep an eye on him, I've seen him checking me out. Not that I can blame him - I mean I am way hotter than you now.

It's nothing to be ashamed of - I mean you've always been at best average and that always pleased me because I knew you wouldn't hook up with an Alpha guy who might be a threat to me as your Daddy.

Of course things have changed now and I don't know how you managed to snag Todd, but you are really massively beneath him. There's no way your relationship is going to work out - an Alpha like him shouldn't be dating a Beta like you.

You do know you're a Beta right? All your friends, who are MY friends now by the way, know it too. It only took me a couple of weeks to learn everything about being a woman from you and then I found out there was still LOADS more to discover.

That's where I've been everynight for the last few nights... hanging out with the popular girls and honing my skills. I've been becoming an Alpha girl. It isn't hard when you have a body like mine. I never realised how intoxicating being pretty could be. I only have to snap my fingers and I have guys simping to do my bidding.

Maybe you should learn some lessons from me? Let's go find Todd and see if he likes my newest outfit. I'll show you how a real woman gets a man's attention...

**********

Elixir Stage 4 - Addiction

"What are you crying about now bitch? You want to see your Daddy? Awwwww that's too bad, I don't have time in my busy schedule to turn back into that loser. I've actually doubled my Elixir intake and I haven't reverted in weeks.

Work? Oh I quit that job months ago. My annual leave ran out so I resigned via email. I make ten times what I used to earn on my new Only Fans page anyway.

I bought this Mercedes yesterday - pretty cool huh. I'm also selling the house and buying a bigger pad. You'll need to find somewhere new to live.

By the way it's too bad Todd dumped you. I warned you he would. Did you ever find out which of your friends it was sucking him off behind your back? Too bad you never even got to feel that cock inside you. I heard he was packing quite the cock.

It's probably a good thing your friends all stopped hanging round with you... obviously they can't be trusted. Me... I can handle them though. I'm basically their new leader.

Now if you'll excuse me I have things to do, see you later... loser."

*********

Elixir stage 5 - Total corruption

"Oh hey Chloe. Long time no see.

It must have been months since I last saw you. I'd almost forgotten you even existed. You have met Todd my fiance right?

Oh shit... that's right... you never worked out it was me fucking him behind your back did you. Oh well - the cat's out of the bag now.

That's right bitch. I was sucking him off and getting my tight pussy pounded all the time I was pretending to be your friend. Not that I pretended that hard in the end. You were so boring, weak and pathetic I couldn't take it anymore.

Todd saw the advantages of upgrading just as I did. I hollowed out your Daddy's mind and turned him into me. He's never coming back - I haven't even taken Elixir in three months and I'm still in control. Guess I win.

So how the fuck is your insignificant little life going? It really sucks to be you doesn't it?

By the way, I was going to ask you actually if you want to be a bridesmaid at our wedding? We are related after all so I guess you should come. You can hold my bouquet whilst Todd fucks the shit out of me in front of you.

I just hope no one else tries to flirt with me - Todd gets so overprotective of me sometimes but I have to admit I do like to lead guys on. He fucks me like an animal when I tease him like that.

I bet you know exactly how that feels right?! Oh I forgot, you're still a virgin. Well, see you at the wedding loser."

THE END

[bell4lan]

Temptation pt 2 (😱)

Genre: Heavy angst, Smut

DNI: fujoshis, mlm/nblm fetishizers, non-mlm/nblm, trans fetishizers

CW: Riding, belly buldge, cheating, arguing/yelling, cursing, Zhongli sucks, zhongchi angst

Characters/Reader: Childe, Zhongli, Trans Male Reader, minor Hu Tao appearance

It had been 1 week since Childe came back to Liyue, and he was already suspicious of Zhongli. Zhongli had been acting weird. He was more clingy than usual, and he was constantly trying to get them to stay in. Childe thought that it was because he missed him and wanted to spend time together alone, but he wouldn't let him go outside at all. Zhongli has gone outside for work, but that's it. Every time Childe tried to leave Zhongli made up some excuse as to why he shouldn't. As much as he loved spending time with him, he wanted to see others too.

Childe was tired of staying in. He didn't care what Zhongli said, he was leaving. Zhongli wasn't there so it wasn't like he could stop him. Childe's plan was to roam around Liyue and visit the new places Zhongli mentioned in letters, and then visit Zhongli at work.

Yeah...work...

Zhongli wasn't at work. It wasn't like he was lying to Childe the other days, those days he really was at work. Right now though, he was with you. It had been a week since you guys had sex and he was super stressed from Childe being back. He needed a break, he needed you.

The day Childe came back, Zhongli vowed to himself that he wouldn't have sex with you anymore, but that obviously didn't work out. So here he was, watching you bounce on his dick.

You hadn't rode him before, so this experience was new for the both of you, but fuck did it feel amazing. His cock hit even deeper than it did in other positions, you swear you could see it poking against your stomach and you bounced.

Zhongli could feel even more of your insides as your hole enveloped his cock, he couldn't help but let out small moans as you fucked yourself on him. He watched as his cock bulged through your stomach every time he went back in. It was so hot, how could he ever let you go? There was no way Zhongli could break off what you two had.

Childe quickly got bored of walking around Liyue, so he decided to head off to Zhongli's work. He was a bit nervous to see how Zhongli would react to him being out, but he brushed it off.

He opened the door to the funeral parlor and only saw Hu Tao.

"Hey Hu Tao, where's Zhongli?" He asked while shutting the door.

"Zhongli? He requested the day off so he could be with you." She responded sounding a bit confused. Hu Tao was one of the only people that knew about Childe and Zhongli, only because she walked in on them kissing and teased them for days.

What? Zhongli wasn't here? Zhongli lied about where he was? Now Childe's suspicion grew 100x stronger. Zhongli has never lied about where he was, at least not before. What the fuck was up with him?

"O-oh, well do you have any idea where he could be?" Childe tried to not sound so disappointed, but he could tell from the look on Hu Tao's that it didn't work.

"No, sorry. I've been seeing him hang out with (Name) a lot recently. Maybe they're hanging out?" She responded with a guilty look on her face. She felt bad saying that, she didn't want Childe to get the right wrong idea.

Hu Tao's seriousness and gentle tone surprised Childe. Usually, she was this fiery girl making lowkey death threats trying to sell coffins, but right now she's acting friendly. Dare he say acting like an older sister.

"Okay, thank you Hu Tao." He said and quickly walked out. So Zhongli was with you. He had met you before, you were actually very kind. You were a pretty good fighter too, even without the use of your vision.

Even though Hu Tao never said for sure you two were together, he had a feeling that was the case.

'Is that why he's been acting so weird lately? Because he's been hanging out with (Name)?" That wouldn't make sense though, I know they're friends. Why would he act weird about it? What if he's- No. Zhongli wouldn't do that. He wouldn't cheat. (Name) wouldn't let that happen either, he's too kind. Wait, what if he didn't know Zhongli and I are together? We did keep it secret cause of the fatui. What if Zhongli never told (Name)? No, even if he didn't he wouldn't cheat....right?' Childe's internal conflict was making him even more confused. He had never thought of Zhongli as a potential cheater before, so why was he thinking about that possibility so much right now? And why did it feel more like his intuition telling him than an insecure thought?

Childe didn't know where to start looking for you two, so he just went home. He needed to clear his head, clear these stupid, insignificant thoughts.

A few hours passed, and Zhongli was home. He kicked off his shoes and put them aside, flattening out his clothes before Childe could see any wrinkles.

"Childe? I'm home." He announced. He heard some noises come from the kitchen and followed them. There he saw Childe...cooking? Childe never cooked, it was always Zhongli doing the cooking. That's how it was for them, Zhongli cooked and Childe cleaned.

"Welcome home Zhongli! I'm making your favorite meal." Childe said with a smile that Zhongli swears is not genuine. It seemed angry? Maybe even sinister, though that seemed to be taking it too far.

"Thank you my love, but why? I appreciate it, but you never cook." Zhongli placed his hands and Childe's waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. His deep voice and touch made Childe shiver, but he tried to not let himself get lost in Zhongli. Not after he lied.

He ignored his question and continued chopping vegetables for the meal. "Where were you today?" He asked, not even looking at Zhongli.

Zhongli's heart skipped a beat. There's no way Childe knew he wasn't at work, unless he left the house. "At work, love. Why?" Zhongli tried to sound as not guilty as possible, but he should've known lying to Childe wouldn't work. Childe was practically a human lie detector when he needed to be, and right now he could tell Zhongli was lying.

Childe's grip tightened on the knife as he kept chopping. "Don't lie to me Zhongli I'm not stupid." He snapped at him.

Zhongli froze, he had been caught. It seemed like Childe actually didn't know where he was, but knew for sure he wasn't at work. His harsh tone and now stone cold face was enough to make Zhongli very, very nervous. He had no clue what to say. He didn't know what excuse to come up with, so he told the truth.

"I was doing commissions with (Name)." Okay so it wasn't the whole truth, but he really was with you today so it wasn't a full lie.

It seemed as though this half lie didn't help as Childe's face contorted into a scowl. "Stop lying to me Zhongli." His voice was as cold as ice, he was over it. This was Zhongli's last chance to tell the truth.

Zhongli let go of Childe, not wanting him to feel his sweaty palms. "I am telling the truth Childe."

That's it. Childe slammed the knife down making Zhongli jump slightly. He was angry. No, beyond angry, he was fucking pissed.

He spun around and saw an almost scared looking Zhongli. "Why the hell are you lying to me Zhongli? What could you possibly have done today that you have to lie to me about it? Did you cheat?" He spat. The cheating accusation was nothing more than an accusation to Childe. He didn't believe Zhongli would cheat, but he didn't know what else would get Zhongli to tell the truth.

Childe saw the deer in headlights look on Zhongli's face and started shaking. "You...you actually cheated?" He asked as his scowl turned into a look of shock and he tried his hardest to make his voice not break. No, no this was a misunderstanding. Zhongli wouldn't- he wouldn't cheat.

But he wasn't denying it. He stood still, not knowing what to say. Tears welled up in Childe's eyes as he realized that he was right. He felt like an idiot for trying to convince himself Zhongli wouldn't cheat, when in reality he would, he did. He didn't think there was any truth to his accusation, or at least that's what he was telling himself. Deep down, he just didn't want to believe it.

"Why would you- why? Was it because I wasn't here? A-Am I not enough for you anymore? Why? Could you please tell me why." Childe's voice broke as his tears started falling. He felt absolutely pathetic, practically pleading to the man who cheated on him for an explanation.

"Because I'm selfish." Zhongli said trying to not cry too. Childe's sobs were heartbreaking to hear. All Zhongli wanted to do was hug him, tell him he's sorry, tell him he's the only one he wants, but he knew Childe wouldn't listen or care.

"That's a stupid fucking excuse Zhongli. Have you no self control? I was gone for work and you fucking CHEAT!?" Zhongli's answer made Childe's sadness turn into rage, his voice getting louder with each sentence.

"I'm so sorry Childe. I-I tried to stop I promise, b-but-"

"But WHAT Zhongli?!"

"I....I couldn't control myself..." Zhongli finally admitted. Childe scoffed and wiped away his tears that were still flowing out. He was stupid for falling for Zhongli, stupid for trusting him.

"Who was it?" He asked staring at the floor. He was far too angry to look at Zhongli.

"..." Zhongli was scared to reply. He didn't want Childe to be mad at you, it wasn't your fault, it was his.

"Who the fuck was it Zhongli?!" He snapped, slamming his hand on the kitchen counter.

Zhongli closed his eyes at the noise. "It was with (Name)." He hesitantly replied. Childe balled his hand up into a fist as he heard your name.

(Name). Of course it was fucking (Name). "Tell him to come over." He said, suddenly sounding very calm. Zhongli was anxious, why did he want you to come over? He wasn't going to do anything to you right?

He was going to tell you wasn't he. He was going to lose both of the people he adored in one evening.

"Childe...please-"

"I said invite him over, Zhongli." He said sternly. Zhongli stayed still and then nodded.

About 15 minutes later, a knock was heard at the door. Zhongli looked at Childe, expecting him to open the door, but he just glared at him. So he did it instead.

"Hi Zhongli! Is everything alright?" You asked seeing Zhongli's ghostly pale face.

"I-"

"Come in." Childe interrupted from the dining room. You looked at Zhongli with a confused look on your face, but all he did was move to the side so you could come in.

Zhongli looked terrified, which was something you weren't used to. You had recognized Childe's voice, perhaps he was threatening him? He was a fatui after all, but what would he want with you? And weren't him and Zhongli friends?

You walked in slowly, making your way to the dining room. You saw Childe sitting at the end of the dinner table looking absolutely livid.

"Sit." He commanded, and you obeyed. You didn't know why he was so angry, but you certainly didn't want to make it worse. Zhongli joined you two, sitting closer to Childe.

You three sat in silence, tension so thick it was suffocating. You were about to say something, but Childe beat you to it.

"How long have you been fucking Zhongli?" He asked, staring right at you with an almost murderous look in his eyes.

So that's what this is about? "Um...maybe a year? I-I don't understand why that's so important."

A year? A fucking year? Zhongli had been cheating on him for a year?! Childe didn't think it was possible for him to get even more upset than he was before, but that was quickly proven wrong. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming again.

"You've been cheating on me for a year?" He spoke softly, almost in a whisper. He was broken, Zhongli had broke him. He felt like puking, he felt like crying, he felt so so heartbroken.

Your eyes widened hearing his words. Cheating? They were together? They were together and Zhongli never told you? You just ruined a relationship without even knowing it. Realizing that made you feel nauseous, it made your heart hurt as you saw what your actions have done.

"Childe I-I'm so sorry! I didn't know, I swear I didn't know! I wouldn't have done anything with him if I had known. Zhongli what the fuck?!" You quickly turned to face Zhongli, desperately wanting an explanation. All Zhongli did was silently cry. He'd lost you both. You both hated him, and it was all his fault.

"I'm so sorry Childe." He said in a broken voice, staring at his lap completely ignoring you. Despite hating losing you, he cared about Childe more. He loved Childe, he didn't love you. With you it was lust, he just liked your body. Maybe at some point he confused it with love, but now he knew he never loved you. He loved Childe.

Childe wiped off his face and went to the bedroom, slamming the door shut. It was just you and Zhongli now. You stared at him before angrily getting up and walking to the front door.

"Fuck you Zhongli." You slammed the door just like Childe did and left Zhongli alone at the table. He started to weep into his hands. Your words stung his already wounded heart, but that didn't matter. What mattered was Childe. He didn't want to lose him, he didn't want to let him go. He thought it would be the other way around, that he'd mourn the loss of you instead of Childe. But it wasn't like that. He wanted Childe to love him again.

He had taken him for granted, and desperately wanted another chance. He wasn't going to treat Childe so badly, he wasn't going to cheat. He was going to treat Childe like the prince he is, but he doubt he'd give him another chance.

Zhongli wouldn't give himself another chance either.

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Zhongli hate club (only for this story I swear). I tried to make this as angsty as I could so hopefully I did a good job 😈😈😈 Sorry for making Hu Tao ooc I just didn't think her playful personality would fit

Just a heads up, I might edit this a bit more after posting

[plumsaffron]

Cherry Crimson Brine Part 2:

What or Who You Found (2 of 2)

Go back to Crimson Brine 2 Part 1 of 2 here

Or Jump To This Link Containing Links To Every Part

Otherwise...

2 days later Uncanny Valley: This is my last day I can be here. Hopefully this plan does bring peace this town. Vesperia: Certainly, but we won't miss. Carapace: Lets do it. 5 Minutes later Manon: What do you think you're doing!? STOP LEAVE MOM ALONE! Viperion: Pft. I don't listen to a child. Throws Nadja into a bunch of seats Manon: MOM! runs towards her in terror Viperion: Second Chance Manon: Mom!? I- Where did you- Achk Her mom fell on her instead because he reversed time in a way where it only affect Nadja Viperion walking towards the camera man Viperion: Clara Contard, you're next! I hope you and your helicopter crew have parachutes. A bunch of water falls on the helicopter Viperion: Well I guess you guys can pray for only a sprain. Better luck next time or life!

Viperion: We will be ruining your lives as you see. We are done protecting a bunch of useless voters or is it citizens as Andre would say. And we might have something special in store for the mayor. Destroys the signal (edited) Meanwhile Pigella: Subjects Attack the Parisians and Minotaurox and Vesperia. The gift brainwashed Parisians charge towards them. Some are being warped to other places to attack

Somewhere Else Rena Rouge: Well well well. What is your damage? NPC Male: You traitor. NPC Male 2 with a bat: We will end you and your friends. Rena Rouge: What did I do? I didn't attack anyone. NPC Female: You are in association with threats to the public. You and your fallen comrades shall pay dearly in sync. 

NPC Female 2 runs with some electrical current staff towards her Rena Rouge: (So that's how you people want to be... Even if you tell them and don't start trouble, trouble will find you)

Somewhere else else Purple Tigress: There you GO! FLINGS Carapace Shell back at him Carapace: Whoa! Barely dodges (She’s too much into the act) She charges Clout Purple Tigress: Fall to pieces Carapace: (What? she's not attacking me.) Jetting towards some npcs Random NPC girl: Run! Some go into tunnels. 

Others take their chances going into them street manholes Carapace: STOP! Purple Tigress: I wouldn't get any closer. I always wondered what my power would do to his little bro Carapace Freezes Purple Tigress: You seem to have a close bond to Nino’s brother. Purple: You can have him. Throws Chris towards him He catches him Carapace: GO! Get out of here! His brother runs to somewhere away safe (I will have to have a talk with this girl, later, once we’re done acting) Seconds later, feels debris hitting him Shocked seeing buildings collapsing towards and around him

Unknown Location Looking on her phone Seeing electric dust devils in uncommon lasting time unconscious people Random people attacking Argos, despite being unmatched

Pigella's zombie army now after Rooster Bold Fencers and sporting npcs throwing objects at Ladybug Caprikid battling against Polymouse Miss Hound using random people as fetchables

Fire hydrants destroyed poles and electric wires falling around town NPCs dropping rocks from high places towards heroes Some people trying to escape but places to exit town were destroyed Rena Rouge creating Illusions to trap people 30 minutes later Chrysalis: How do you even get captured so easily, Cat Noir? I expect better of Paris' 2nd most valuable asset. How the heck did a group of a bunch of heroes become sloppy messes? Funny thing though is; I don't want your miraculouses right now or any of you tired, still fighting, or unconscious allies either. (edited) Just the Ladybug one. It's kind of weird that when I got here,

there's less people than usual. 

More than usual.

Almost like they disappeared. Walking towards Ladybug some blocks away While walking Npcs attempt to attack her

Leaps away and continues walking More NPCS try throwing stuff a her but she deflects dodges blocks and got tired on them so she counter throws objects and jumps away

Where the downed Bug location is

Chrysalis: It's a shame. All your allies became baddies like me and you allowed it. You never cease to amaze.

Chrysalis: Since I first arrived here. You and those who truly follow your way wanted to wipe me out but you learned how to destroy yourself and everything you so called stood for or by. But I already knew you would. Oh well, time to show the world who you really are since you appear to be speechless. I understand. 

You've left me like that but now it will be a huger scale than mines.

Ladybug (Actual): Nice speech. Chrysalis: What the? AHKG Blasted by Ladybug Urg And so her entire team, join quickly

Ladybug that blasted her, reverts to Uncanny Valley Chrysalis: You planned this all? Cat Noir: And that's why it worked. Cat Noir: Now, Uncanny Valley. Tell us who she really is. Uncanny Valley: The Butterfly user is... What?! No

Doesn't compute anymore? I just had it?

Why? What's going on?! Why can’t I say her name? Some of them: What?! Cat Noir: Quick, Vesperia! Tries to venom her Somehow makes her hit Uncanny Valley instead Chrysalis: Well... lookie here. hmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmm Cat Noir: Pigella! Quickly! So much for your hard work to stop me but it's just that... Miss Hound: What?! Restrained by NPCS Carapace: GET OFF OF ME! Throws one but a bunch are swarming around him like dinosaurs Minotaurox uses Resistance to avoid damage Individuals in helicopters or nearby, throw nets to catch the heroes Chrysalis: That worked well if you were me. Now to resume my plan. Ladybug: Your plan will never play. And as soon as she said that, a portal open and the 2 fell in Cat Noir immediately goes into before it finished closing

Some special unknown area Chrysalis: So it's just you, Pussycat, and me. Ladybug: This will where your reign of evil ends. Chrysalis: What makes you so sure? Cat Noir harnessing Cataclysm Chrysalis: Now I know for a fact y'all are really hungry. And so they battle her Meanwhile Argos: Shall I make the citizens reappear? Viperion: Not yet. We need Ladybug and Cat to give the signal to do it for the right now. As he turns his face perturbs Pegasus: What's wrong- (Why is Bunnyx there, unconscious?)

Some minutes later Bunnyx: Ugh ahhh yawns Rena Rouge: She's alright. Rooster Bold: So what happened to you? Bunnyx: I don't know I opened a portal as Ladybug requested as a last resort. 

Then I was going to regroup with y'all but I don't remember. Maybe I overexerted myself. Uncanny Valley: I don't think so. You definitely didn't. 

I can tell by scanning your vital signs.

Meanwhile Once Again

Chrysalis: It must suck being captured by your own yoyo Since I ruined your lucky charm spam. Welp, time to show him who you really are. Cat Noir: Whuwu uuhhhuuuuuuuuh! Some unknown trap door he fell through

Chrysalis: Seems he wont be seeing anything. 

Well the show must go on. 

Takes her miraculous off and throws them away to somewhere in the space

Meanwhile stuck in that trap but is using his staff to stay in place

Cat Noir: This is bad. There’s no way I can stop her once and for all. Cat thinking Maybe I don't need to

Back to the defeated Bug Chrysalis: Now all I need to do is... Marinette: Lila Rossi. And so A piece of paper flies towards the two Chrysalis: Hmm what's this? Her eyes open up briefly Marinette kicks the butterfly miraculous partially off her and she detransforms Confused Marinette

Marinette: What? Who are you?

End Of Part 2 - What or Who you found

Go to part 3 of the story or Crimson Brine 3