#but changed/fixed the problem with themselves

[lostintransist]

Thoughts on Divorcing John Price?

r/AmItheAsshole

TL;DR I got married to escape my parents and now 10+ years in I think I want a divorce.

How did I end up here? Ten-plus years into a marriage I don’t actually think I wanted and I’m only now starting to piece everything together. I was too young to get married. Too damn young. But thanks to the religious trauma and my parents (just assume I am throwing up a peace sign and sticking my tongue out one side of my mouth at this point because what the hell else am I supposed to do?) I took the only out I saw. That looked like one [Redacted] John [Redacted].

My parents couldn’t say shit about my marrying so fast as they did it themselves. So six months in and me, John, my parents, and the judge made it official. I was Mrs. John [Redacted]. God, I hate how we let men sit atop everything. Why couldn’t I make him take my name? I mean…my father’s name. Damn. See what I mean?

We had a good honeymoon I think? A solid week of traveling and having fun together. Once we were home though things changed; he didn’t start hitting me or anything. God forbid. The man would have woken in a box on the way to the hospital and he knew it. Much as he wanted a “traditional” wife he picked me knowing I kowtow to no one and nothing.

That might have been the start of the problems actually. He was gone so much that I set everything up in every flat he moved us to. And what did every flat reflect? Me. As much as John let me in he barred me out with the same fervor I imagine Bluebeard guarded his bodies. I get it though, we both had issues from childhood we had yet to unpack or quite frankly address in ourselves let alone our marriage. I’m ashamed it took me nearly twelve years to realize the reason I said yes to the marriage proposal was because I was truly scared I would never escape my childhood hell any other way.

Fuck. How does one go about planning to blow up one’s life and walk away intact?

We have kids, John and I. Three of them and I love them so much that if I ever started life over I would make all the same choices to meet them again. It’s not much of a change really, if I have full custody of them, John is hardly ever home as is. They love their father though. I wonder if I ever did. Love him, I mean.

God, I don’t know how I got here. When he leaves the only changes will be to his side of the bed and the closet. There is me everywhere else. He never fought me on it though, and would never make a decision about changing anything and actually follow through. It was like all of his choices got used up at work and when he got home all he had was a yearning for me to fix it.

The last straw shouldn’t have been what it was.

We had a good holiday together, going into the mountains and hiking and playing in creeks with our kids. I showered with our daughter, cleaning us both, and then asked him to handle cleaning the boys. It shouldn’t have been a problem. Shampoo and condition their hair and scrub their bodies then toss them in towels and clothes.

One of our boys has long hair, kiddo hates the sound of clippers and lets me brush and wash it so I don’t care that it grows. John complains that it gets everywhere and threatens to cut it off. I hate that it would somehow become my responsibility to handle if he ever did follow through. When I catch sight of this boy, clean from the bath I coax him into the bathroom to brush his hair. And what do I find? Un-fucking-washed hair.

“John? Did you wash his hair?”

A breath of silence, the hesitation slightly longer than it should be.

“I think you know the answer to that,” comes his gruff reply.

Motherfucker! If the man would fight with me instead of putting on his work face and letting the rage in my eyes simmer until all that is left is coals I might feel better. But no. I simply order the child to strip and get back in the shower so I can wash his hair. Now both of us are annoyed with John’s inability to follow through on the full process of cleaning a child. He made me lunch as an ‘apology’. I would rather he used his words than assume I understand that he did this kindness for me to show he was sorry.

It’s like the dishes all over again. Fucker can’t seem to wash the hand wash items and lets them sit until I am ready to explode and throw them into the street but won’t stop using them. If he needs them to make lunch though? No problem, he will clean the single one he is going to dirty again.

I can’t explain this to anyone though. I can’t say ‘I don’t want to be married anymore. Not for any particular reason, but I keep hoping that when the doorbell rings it’s the military in full dress coming to tell me of my husband’s death so I can move on with my life and be free.’ Yeah because that is something that will absolutely make sense to everyone I tell.

This is a head-in-hand kind of thought. What a fucking awful person I must be for my brain to assume that there is no way out other than death and wish it, even benignly, on the father of my children. God, I must be as horrible a person as I suspected. Maybe I can wait until our youngest is in school and I am back to work? I have been keeping a small part-time job so as to never fully leave the job market but even if I use all of it to pay off our shared debt other than the house it would take years to settle everything.

Would John even fight me on this? I’ve heard whispers that he might be more than friendly with some of the men he works with. Rumors get around on base, some men like their wives and share more than parenting duties with them.

I guess this is all I have to say about this for now.

So all that said AITA for wanting to divorce my husband?

Masterlist

[mothinked]

Abby was cute when she was grumpy. While she wasn't actually grumpy in this instance, it was always a little amusing to him to see how she'd get all serious and huffy when he got too whimsical. He liked seizing the opportunity to be silly. The two of them were like ying and yang in that regard. He blew air out forcefully through his lips when she pointed the fork at him then he laughed. "Can't spell sass without the 'ass'. New slogan." At the mention of women, Owen cocked his head to the side curiously. "Now wait a minute... You were totally surprised when I told you how many have asked me out. Are you tellin' me that you had a clue this whole time?"

He slid a chunk of potato from his fork, teeth lightly scraping as he leveled his gaze with hers. His chewing tapered off into a crooked grin. The women of Catalina were hungry for more than just food—they wanted the chef, too. Fulfilling requests for maintenance work around Avalon wasn't always a simple matter of examining the problem, fixing it then going on his merry way. More times then he would like to admit, it turned into one of those bad porno scenarios where the chick wanted to give a 'tip' to the guy except Owen fled the scene before shit got awkward. It was just really weird to have women he didn't know try indecent stuff on him. At least ask him on a date first.

"It was nice," Owen told her honestly. "To see the kids enjoying themselves. I could barely pay attention in class when I was a kid so I tried to make it fun for them." He switched from water to beer and drank slowly. "Ian's got a little girl that's almost two." He chuckled at this but the sound held a note of melancholy. "She's a sweet kid." There were no children's toys around the house or anything else to indicate a child ever visited. The girl's grandparents babysat her a lot and Ian didn't take her with him whenever he came home so Owen only saw the baby at family events he got invited to by Ian. The subject soon shifted elsewhere and he was glad for it.

Owen watched as Abby's expression softened and her demeanor changed into something more... vulnerable. The happiness that shone through was undeniable. He had to swallow before he opened his mouth to reply, "I'm always here for you whenever you need me, Abs." His next words were shy and sincere.

"I just... I want you to be happy. We're allowed to be happy."

If looks could kill, Owen might be in trouble. It’s side eye he gets in response to his comment. Anything she said, he no doubt would be able to twist in his Owen way. It was endearing but damn if his wit wasn’t frustratingly good at times. A fork pointed in his direction was the only warning he would get but it was quick to lower to be used appropriately as she took a couple more bites.

Whether or not he was just being modest was up for debate but she would give credit where it was due and this meal did deserve quite a bit of admiration. “Once, twice, however many times, feels like you’ve mastered it. Anything else in there worth more movie nights?” This would be hard to beat but she had faith in him. If there was more opportunity for indulgent meals like this, might as well pack up her stuff now. Abby could cook but not like this and if this meant she could chip in and show an offer of thanks via food every once in a while, she was more than happy to do so.

A few more bites and Abby washed it down with the freshly presented water and god did that ice cold water offer just the kind of cool down and refreshment she needed. It didn’t surprise her at all that Owen had picked up some of his expertise when helping others. It was just the kind of guy he was. She did remember what he spoke of and upon recalling it, Abby laughed quietly to herself. “Oh I remember. You have any idea how many times I overheard women around the island talking about you? About the handsome man that could cook and was working with the kids? You had them losing their damn minds.” It was funny thing to think back on.

She relishes the peacefulness of such a dinner and looks up to him with a softness to her features that weren’t always present. “Thank you, Owen. Not just for this but for everything. You’ve been more patient with me than I’ve probably deserved but you’re one of the only reasons I haven’t completely lost it. I’m rambling now but just, thank you.” Her smile offers a warmth that’s been lacking for so long and it’s the most at peace she’s felt in a long time.

[celestialvioletsoul]

“I just feel…heavy,” I admit. “I don’t have anyone who knows who I really am anymore. The guy I considered my best friend nearly got us killed. I’m keeping secrets from Rhiannon, from my sister, from…you. There’s not a single person in this world I’m entirely truthful with.”

“I haven’t exactly made it easy for you to trust me,” he says, stroking his thumb over my cheek. “I’m still not making it easy. But you and I are not easy people. What we build together has to be strong enough to withstand a storm. Or a war. Easy isn’t going to give that to us.”

— Violet Sorrengail and Xaden Riorson, Iron Flame

My heart aches at this scene. People have the right to be frustrated with their back and forth, I did when I first read Iron Flame. Now, I still feel it, but compared to before, I could actually see this vulnerability as clarity.

They finally took a massive step on fixing how they communicate with one other on this scene because BOTH of them acknowledge their faults and opened up a portion of themselves—which we never actually felt on the previous attempts.

Notice that in the previous scenes where they attempt to address this, only one of them was opening up, was vulnerable, and wanting more of what the other could take?

This time, they admitted their faults (almost) then did something that they haven't done previously: actually compromising.

Xaden was too loud on saying he will win her back. With all the letters he sent her, it's still not enough to convince her to trust him again and he finally realized it at this point.

He's right to acknowledge that he didn't make it easy on HER. He knew she wanted full disclosure and couldn't give that. That's the frustrating "ask me anything" game was born, no matter how frustrating that was—he needed it to still hold his secret close to his shadows. But it's not working as he hoped for because the problem with this was he never initiated a nudge on where to start asking the "right" question.

So, he compromised. He was firm about his conviction of not sharing all of his secrets BUT he finally took a massive step and assured her that he will not withold any information that could change how she makes a decision.

Violet on the other hand, accepting that he will not waver on the full disclosure she wanted, finally learned to compromise and seek a new way on fixing what's broken between them, too, that's also WITHIN HIS TERMS. With Xaden's assurance and nudge, she finally ask a question that was satisfying to Xaden to answer (hmm)

EDIT: Do note that Violet drew the short end of the stick for bending her compromise within his term at this particular scene. People do not realize this because they deemed her actions whiny and unfavorable. But here's the truth: she deserved to compromise within her terms too but give it to Violet for bending her need for the people she loves then twist it into truth that it's how she will compromise anyway— but that's for another day 🥹 Xaden will do the same in another vulnerable scene like this in Iron Flame that I couldn't wait to dissect!

It took so many pages and chapters because THEY NEEDED TO LEARN AND ACKNOWLEDGE IT THEMSELVES. Plus having a limited time with each other actually affected why people thought this communication issue was dragged on.

Think about it: if YOU are frustrated with how they handled it and how it felt like it was dragged on, then BOTH of them were frustrated at the impasse, too. It's THEIR relationship that we were snooping after all LMAO

Take it easy with these kids. They were dealing A LOT in Iron Flame AND be patient. ONYX STORM VIOLET AND XADEN wouldn't exist if they didn't go through this emotional turmoil. We would never got to see the deeper trust and commitment, the uncompromising support with each other, how loudly they love each other in Onyx Storm if things were easy on them in Iron Flame.

Xaden already called it: they were not easy people and they were building something that can withstand a storm and a war AND GODS DID WE GET IT IN ONYX STORM.

[redux-iterum]

Hi! Sorry if this is a complicated ask/one that's been asked before, but I was wondering how you and Lynx settled on the religious system for the redux? I'm working on a personal rewrite of DoTC and while I have ideas of how I want their religion to be structured, a lot of the details evade me. Was there a clean cut process, or did it come as you went along? Thank you!

So the original basic concept - the Three gods and the Mother - came from me, while the halls came from Lynx. We've been discussing adding an aspect to the religion that we won't get into today because ~spoilers~, but it's connected with the state of souls and StarClan, just not in a way the living cats are aware of. These things were all elaborations and rearranged ideas from the beliefs (or just...factual existences, I suppose) of the canon Clans that I/we didn't really like that much.

There are three mythical Clans consisting of leopards, lions and tigers, but there's not much to them and no real explanation for where they went or why they were there. So instead, we can make them three individuals who serve as gods of different facets of Clan life. There is a mine in the territories called "Mothermouth", but it's never elaborated on and I don't even know if they call it that in the books themselves. So let's utilize the implications of that name and make a progenitor of life named "The Mother", and that mine can be her sleeping body. And while we're at it, that Moonstone could be perceived as her heart, making a more alien creator for my own enjoyment. StarClan is sort of omnipresent and exists to fix living Clan problems, but that causes plot holes and limp storylines that go nowhere. So we can make the gods themselves have their own groups of souls that do original StarClan's job, while normal StarClan cats just handle tiny things like sending signs and dreams to seers. So on and so forth.

The design of this religious system was largely just that: taking canon and tweaking things to my particular enjoyment, then expanding on them in a way that would make sense for the Clans to believe in and want to follow. It helps to have some knowledge on the general structure of religions and mythologies, as Lynx does, so you have real-world information to draw from. You don't need to be encyclopedia-levels of informed, but recurring themes and practices are good to know (tricksters being both menaces and heroes to teach lessons, gods reigning over a hodgepodge of things rather than just being "the lightning god" or "the water god", etc). That knowledge, plus going with what you find fun to write about, plus taking canon and changing it to what you find sensible, can help create something that's unique to you.

That's about all I can really say on this topic. I hope it helps!

[jewishbarbies]

it’s actually wild to me that someone would harass a random person online anonymously as if they knew them somehow and they’re disappointed in some divergence of opinion/belief, like they genuinely had some kind of relationship. I’m not your friend. I never was and never will be. I don’t know you. I was here long before you got here and I’ll be here no matter what you send. block me and go find something to do with your time that’s better for your mental health.

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

assorted weredoc doodles for @bttfjanaury! seeing as i’m the one who submitted it i might as well do it also hahaha.

bonus weremarty (au of au lmao):

[orcelito]

Just finished rereading ITNL chapter 2 again

Yknow, it's long felt like a weaker chapter to me, especially compared to chapter 1. It's a Necessary chapter, but it's basically an entire chapter of introspection. Add in the fact that I wrote it in a single day and was half falling asleep by the end of editing it, but pressing onwards anyways bc I wanted So Badly to get it out that night...

The Legato part was the weakest for that. I remember staring at it and breaking my brain just trying to make it sound better before just giving up and posting. But when I worked on my full-fic re-edits about.. a year ago now? A year and a bit. I think it was October ish of 2023. But I focused on that part again, trying to get it up to my standards to be satisfied with it.

Coming back to it after some number of months, my brain relatively fresh, I think I actually did a pretty decent job. Despite being an introspective chapter, it really drives home how Wrecked vash is about it all. I like to say that chapter 1 is like a thesis to the fic, where you get vash's goals laid out pretty clearly (him picturing the things he wants to fix + him picturing his dream of having all the people he loves around a table with him, including Knives. It serves as motivation for him jumping back in time in the first place and it remains his driving force throughout the fic). In contrast, chapter 2 is... almost a secondary thesis. We see his doubt, his fears, his panic. We see the things that he's going to be struggling with throughout the whole fic. His wish to handle it all on his own, as well as how overwhelming it all is to him. Chapter 2 is the necessary second side to chapter 1's thesis, showing the weakness in his own strength and drive.

The cracks in his own unstoppable force.

Idk it's just interesting to me. Having been away from it long enough, I think I really do appreciate chapter 2 after all.

[msommers]

so the thing is that ellana/blackwall have in fact become my copium during the move from hell and actually they're v good together

[complainblogforthevoid]

I've finally figured out an argument that convinces coding tech-bros that AI art is bad.

Got into a discussion today (actually a discussion, we were both very reasonable and calm even through I felt like committing violence) with a tech-bro-coded lady who claimed that people use AI in coding all the time so she didn't see why it mattered if people used AI in art.

Obviously I repressed the surge of violence because that would accomplish nothing. Plus, this lady is very articulate, the type who makes claims and you sit there thinking no that's wrong it must be but she said it so well you're kind of just waffling going but, no, wait-- so I knew I had to get this right if I was gonna come out of this unscathed.

The usual arguments about it being about the soul of it and creation fell flat, in fact she was adamant that anyone who believed that was in fact looking down at coding as an art form as she insisted it is. Which, sure, you can totally express yourself through coding. There's a lot more nuance as to the differences but clearly I was not going to win this one.

The other people I was with (literally 8 people anti-ai against her, but you can't change the mind of someone who doesn't want to listen and she just kept accusing us of devaluing coding as an art) took over for I kid you not 15 minutes while I tried desperately to come up with a clear and articulate way to explain the difference to her. They tried so many reasonable arguments, coding being for a function ("what, art doesn't serve a function?") coding being many discrete building blocks that you put together differently, and the AI simply provides the blocks and you put it together yourself ("isn't that what prompt building is") that it's bad for the environment ("but not if it's used for capitalism, hm?" "Yeah literally that's how capitalism works it doesn't care about the environment" she didn't like that response)

But I finally got it.

And the answer is: It's not about what you do, it's about what you claim to be.

Imagine that someone asks an AI to write a code and, by some miracle, it works perfectly without them having to tweak it---which is great because they couldn't tell you what a single solitary thing in that code means.

Now imagine this person, with their code that they don't know how it works, goes and applies to be a coder somewhere, presenting this AI code as proof that they're qualified.

Should they be hired?

She was horrified, of course. Of course they shouldn't be. They're not qualified. They can't actually code, and even if by some miracle they did have an AI successfully write a flawless code for every issue they came across that wouldn't be their code, you could hire any shmuck on the street to do that, no reason to pay someone like they're creating something.

When actual engineers use AI what they do is get some kind of base, which they then go though and check for problems and then if they find any they fix them, and add on to the base code with their own knowledge instead of just trying different prompt after prompt until they randomly come across one that works.

People who generate code like this don't usually call themselves engineers. They're people who needed a bit of code and didn't have the knowledge to generate it, and so used a resource.

And there you go. There are people who have none of the skills of artists, they don't practice, they don't create for themselves. When they feed the prompt to the AI they then don't just use the resulting image as a reference point for their own personal masterpiece, and if they don't like it they don't have the skills to change it---they simply try another prompt, and do that until they get something they like.

These people are calling themselves artists.

Not only that, these people are bringing the AI generated thing to interviews, and they are getting hired, leaving people who slave over their craft out of the job.

And that is the difference, for the tech bros who think AI art isn't a big deal.

[lgbtlunaverse]

To me the most fun part about fix-its is placing dominoes.

Tragedies often consist of escalating series of actions and circumstances which, in isolation, were not clearly leading to the tragic end but form a chain of cause-and-effect directly towards it in hindsight. In equal but opposite fashion, I love starting with small inoccuous changes to canon that in themselves do not obviously fix everything but start a new chain that leads to a better ending.

It's kind of impossible for fix-its to feel fully natural– the reader by definition knows what the original ending was and that this ending will be happier because the writer wants it to be– but it is possible for them to not feel contrived. A big deus-ex-machina, or a character breaking with their pre-established tragic flaws to suddenly make all the "correct" decisions almost always feels unsatisfying to me.

But a few carefully placed small domino pieces slowly knocking over bigger and bigger tiles until the entire story has radically changed? That's a lot more fun.

It recquires the author to both correctly identify the original chain of cause-and-effect and understand the characters well enough to know how they'd react to different circumstances. Because if the story feels like it's fixing the wrong problem or the characters don't act like themselves the magic is lost. But when it works? When it clicks and the reader sees the domino chain laid out in front of them? It's beautiful.

[rxttenfish]

i ran out of tags on that post oops.

[slanekthe3rd]

The tags are my pookies. Also pookie you can't have CBT you have no balls

“The more psychotherapy an abusive man has participated in, the more impossible I usually find it is to work with him.

 The highly “therapized” abuser tends to be slick, condescending, and manipulative. He uses the psychological concepts

he has learned to dissect his partner’s flaws and dismiss her perceptions of abuse. He takes responsibility for nothing that he does; he moves in a world where there are only unfortunate dynamics, miscommunications, symbolic acts. He expects to be rewarded for his emotional openness, handled gingerly because of his “vulnerability,” colluded with in skirting the damage he has done, and congratulated for his insight.  Many years ago, a violent abuser in my program shared the following with us: “From working in therapy on my issues about anger toward my mother, I realized that when I punched my wife, it wasn’t really her I was hitting. It was my mother!” He sat back, ready for us to express our approval of his self-awareness. My colleague

peered through his glasses at the man, unimpressed by this revelation. “No,” he said, “you were hitting your wife.”

 I have yet to meet an abuser who has made any meaningful and lasting changes in his behavior toward female partners through therapy, regardless of how much “insight”—most of it false—that he may have gained. The fact is that if an abuser finds a particularly skilled therapist and if the therapy is especially successful, when he is finished he will be a happy, well-adjusted abuser—good news for him, perhaps, but not such good news for his partner. Psychotherapy can be very valuable for the issues it is devised to address, but partner abuse is not one of them; an abusive man needs to be in a specialized program.

Therapy focuses on the man’s feelings and gives him empathy and support, no matter how unreasonable the attitudes that are giving rise to those feelings. An abusive man’s therapist usually will not speak to the abused woman, whereas the counselor of a high-quality abuser program always does.

 Therapy typically will not address any of the central causes of abusiveness, including entitlement, coercive control, disrespect, superiority, selfishness, or victim blaming.

 It is also impossible to persuade an abusive man to change by convincing him that he would benefit from it, because he perceives the benefits of controlling his partner as vastly outweighing the losses. This is part of why so many men initially take steps to change their abusive behavior but then return to their old ways. There is another reason why appealing to his self-interest doesn’t work: The abusive man’s belief that his own needs should come ahead of his partner’s is at the core of his problem.

 Therefore when anyone, including therapists, tells an abusive man that he should change because that’s what’s best for him, they are inadvertently feeding his selfish focus on himself: You can’t simultaneously contribute to a problem and solve it.

 Women speak to me with shocked voices of betrayal as they tell me how their couples therapist, or the abuser’s individual therapist, or a therapist for one of their children, has become a vocal advocate for him and a harsh and superior critic of her. I have saved for years a letter that a psychologist wrote about one of my clients, a man who admitted to me that his wife was covered with blood and had broken bones when he was done beating her and that she could have died. The psychologist’s letter ridiculed the system for labeling this man a “batterer,” saying that he was too reasonable and insightful and should not be participating in my abuser program any further.

 The content of the letter indicated to me that the psychologist had neglected to ever ask the client to describe the brutal beating that he had been convicted of.

As a routine part of my assessment of an abusive man, I contacted his private therapist to compare impressions. The therapist turned out to have strong opinions about the case:

THERAPIST:  I think it’s a big mistake for Martin to be attending your abuser program. He has very low self-esteem; he believes anything bad that anyone says about him. If you tell him he’s abusive, that will just tear him down further. His partner slams him with the word abusive all the time, for reasons of her own. His wife’s got huge control issues, and she has obsessive-compulsive disorder. She needs treatment. I think having Martin in your program just gets her what she wants.

BANCROFT: So you have been doing couples counseling with them?

THERAPIST: No, I see him individually.

BANCROFT: How many times have you met with her?

THERAPIST: She hasn’t been in at all.

BANCROFT: You must have had quite extensive phone contact with her, then.

THERAPIST: No, I haven’t spoken to her.

BANCROFT: You haven’t spoken to her? You have assigned his wife a clinical diagnosis based only on Martin’s descriptions of her?

THERAPIST: Yes, but you need to understand, we’re talking about an unusually insightful man. Martin has told me many details, and he is perceptive and sensitive.

BANCROFT: But he admits to serious psychological abuse of his wife, although he doesn’t call it that. An abusive man is not a reliable source of information about his partner. What the abuser was getting from individual therapy, unfortunately, was an official seal of approval for his denial, and for his view that his wife was mentally ill.”

—“Why does he do that ? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling men”

by Lundy Bancroft

[an-ruraiocht]

90% of the time when i see reviews and posts saying "this book needed editing" i don't think the reader have any idea what editing actually entails. usually this is actually code for one of several "problems" with the book:

it's too long, or it's slower paced than this reader's preference. they believe "editing" would mean making it shorter

it has a heavily descriptive style, which the reader doesn't like. they believe "editing" means paring every sentence down to hemingway-style prose with no adverbs

it doesn't follow the very rigid "save the cat" style 3-act story structure, disrupting the reader's sense of narrative tension. an editor, they believe, would've made sure it did

there were a few typos or formatting errors, and they believe it's the editor's job to catch these (it's not, it's typically the proofreader and the typesetter who have responsibility for that kind of thing)

and finally, most often:

the author had different narrative priorities than the reader, who thinks an editor would have made the author change their priorities.

the thing is, there are actually issues with editors in trad publishing being overworked to the point where things aren't getting the thorough, thoughtful editing that they need to be the best version of themselves. there are plenty of badly-structured, poorly-researched, and clumsily written books out there. moreover copyediting is typically freelance and perhaps because of that, this is the area where i see the largest number of issues: continuity issues, grammar issues, factual errors etc that someone should've spotted and didn't.

but this is not typically what people's "this needed an editor" reviews are focusing on. most often it just means they didn't like the book and they've decided editing is an all-powerful force that would have transformed it into a book they liked. but that's not how it works. and disproportionately what this comment means is that the book doesn't match what current fashions have decided is The Correct Style to write in

"this book needed an editor" if it's traditionally published, it had one. like. by definition. it was an editor who bought the book. that doesn't mean the editor did a great job but they definitely existed. there were probably at least two (acquiring editor who does the dev edits; copyeditor who does copyedits), and the proofreader, and a bunch of other people besides.

also i think people think editors are the ones who like. implement the changes. but they don't. they give comments and recommendations and ask questions and the author is the one to act on them. the editor will not rewrite the book. they will not fix the problems themselves, they will highlight the problem and the author will figure out a fix for it, or they will decide they don't agree that it's a problem and leave it as it. and a lot of the sentence-level style stuff is entirely on the author so if they don't have an ear for the rhythm then nobody's going to fix that for them. editors do a lot less than people seem to imagine they do, tbh

anyway

for reference—

structural/developmental edits: is this chapter in the right place and does the plot make sense and is the characterisation consistent and effective

line edits: is this sentence in the right place and is it as stylish as it could be

copy edits: is this sentence grammatically correct and consistent/factually correct within the story/its world and do the spellings follow the publisher's stylesheet

proofreading: are there any typos in this sentence and was the formatting preserved correctly when it was typeset

[doberbutts]

One of the really insidious ways black people in media get treated is that despite our stereotypes expanding outside of "thug" "slave" and "prostitute", we are still very limited on *what* we can be portrayed as.

It is no shock to me that the two black women in Veilguard, for instance, are either medium toned like myself or a nonhuman skin color (introduced as a woman). It doesn't escape my attention that the only black woman in Baldur's Gate list of companions is also a nonhuman skin color. Dark skinned black women are still considered too unattractive to include as potential romanceable candidates, as it *also* does not escape my attention that the darkest we've had was Vivienne who was simultaneously regarded as an incredibly unlikeable character by huge swaths of the fandom and also unavailable for romance.

But moreover- why can't the bubbley nerdy cute mage be a black woman? Why can't the shy but resourceful archer be a black woman? Why does the black woman have to be someone with their guard up, walls as high as a skyscraper, cynical and callous? Why can't the black woman be the warm and loving Wynne, or the somewhat naive yet devout Leliana? The stalwart and just Aveline? I know plenty of Isabelas, and Viviennes, and Neves, and Taashs, but I also know plenty who are Merrill, or Bellara*, or Harding, or Cassandra, and I even lived with a Sera for a while. Why can't she be Bethany or Morrigan?

The closest we had was Josephine, who again is still fairly light skinned, but at least she has a bit more flexibility. And she isn't a companion, so her screen time is fairly minimal if you're not taking the time to romance her.

*And I don't begrudge Bellara too much, as A: I adore her and B: I'm pretty sure she's our first visibly Asian companion which is a milestone in itself. My point is more that Bellara could be black with virtually no story change because I know plenty of bubbly chirpy friendly black women who have a deep love of their hobbies and interests, who are bisexual and even prefer women, with deep trauma in their pasts, and yet the choice to *not* do that speaks to a problem the media has in their depiction of black women that is far bigger than Bioware.

And it doesn't escape my attention that the men have this problem as well- Wyll and Davrin* are both regarded as boring by their respective fandoms due to the choice to play it safe and stick with the extremely good and upright and just knight character instead of giving them something more messy- Astarion and Lucanis could be black with, as said, little-to-no change in their storyline because I know-even have dated- pansexual former sex worker black men with intensely complicated feelings about sex and intimacy, and I've had plenty of ex-con soft yet dangerous men holding themselves at a distance to prevent themselves from hurting anyone as my friends and even extended family.

I know plenty of intensely nerdy and probably autistic black guys who will infodump gladly about their special interest to the point of it consuming them. I know plenty of black guys with martyr complexes who think they have to tear the world- and themselves- apart just to fix what is broken in this world. I know plenty of black guys who, despite their own inability to get their shit together, are like a port in a storm every time you talk to them. I know plenty of black guys who are extremely educated and well respected within their field, with gentle yet commanding demeanor. Any of these characters *could* be black, and yet they aren't, and the choice to do so is again far bigger than Bioware and Larian.

*Davrin, like Vivienne, being the darkest and first blatantly black male companion instead of potentially able to be ambiguously "of color" like Zevran, Fenris, and Dorian. Even more damning that they'd considered, like Sera, making Solas blatantly black in his concept art and instead chose to make him a pale egg.

As someone desperate for representation, it becomes quickly obvious as I take inventory of what roles black people are given that we still aren't considered as complex and nuanced and interesting. We're allowed to be more than we were before, but we still have a long way to go.

[cy-cyborg]

Hi, I saw your rant-post about amputee representation and you brought up cyborgs/cyberpunk again.

Tbh I just stumbled upon your blog yesterday because I wanted to see what thoughts people on tumblr have about writing cyborgs, you know prompts, ideas, anything really and then I found your posts about amputee and realised that it's much deeper than just "okay what do other people think how to care about cybernetic enhancements?" but more like okay, I need to be careful in how I write this side character so I won't cause harm.

And yeah. I don't know if you answer asks like this but I was wondering since you mentioned it now again, how you wish the cyberpunk genre would represent amputees? Like what kind of issues should not be just "fixed" by tech no matter how advanced it is?

I would really like to try and represent my amputee character in a good way. I'm just a bit insecure on how to proceed.

Thanks!

Hey, I'm glad to hear that I made you think!

I have a post and video on my page (somewhere under all these asks lol) about the "prefect prosthetic" trope, which is a good place to start! Mainly, you want to focus on making something about the cybernetics different to the real thing, outside of just appearances. You don't want it to just be "arm, but shiny metal" - something about the way it functions should change.

For cyberpunk in particular though, I HIGHLY suggest looking at some of the shitty behaviour the irl prosthetic component manufacturers already do. Things like forcing amputees to have their logos on their bodies (and penalising us if we try to cover/remove them by voiding the warranty), which can actually be a problem for amputees wanting to go into jobs like acting or modelling, because you have a brand logo on you. Things like my prosthetic leg collecting data about me and my activity levels, which can be used against me to prove I'm not "using it enough" to warrant getting it fixed/replaced by insurance (in Australia, we have the NDIS but they work off the same principles) - that's also deeply unnerving to think about in general and you could take that a lot further in a cyberpunk setting. Also not making prosthetics for certain body types despite the tech being available, because there's "no demand for it" but they're the reason there's no demand. e.g. many companies don't make prosthetic leg components for people above a specific weight, because "people who are that big don't usually use prosthetics" but we don't use prosthetics because none of the existing components are safe for us to use, so we can't use them, which means there's no demand, so they don't make them and it becomes a weird cycle. this has contributed to MASSIVE issues with eating disorders in amputee circles as people desperately try to force themselves into the "acceptable" weight window so they don't loose the ability to walk.

Also, if you're going to tackle the "how much of your body can you replace with robotics before you stop being human/stop being you" question, be sure to tread carefully and remember that there are already real people who you might be (unintentionally) discussing the humanity of.

[harunayuuka2060]

*Maleficia sat upon her throne, a nagging sense of unease settling over her. Just then, Baul strode into the throne room and dropped into a bow the moment his eyes met hers.*

Baul: Your Majesty—

Maleficia: Has something happened to my grandson's friend?

Baul: ...Yes, Your Majesty.

Maleficia: ...

Baul: ...

Baul: I beg your forgiveness, Your Majesty. The fault is mine alone. I permitted the ancient texts to pass unfiltered, never imagining they could endanger one without magic.

Maleficia: ...

Maleficia: I must see to this matter personally.

Baul: Your Majesty, I implore you to reconsider! At this very moment, MC is under the protection of a dire magical beast!

Ace: AH! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!!

Deuce: I-Is that... GRIM?!!

*Everyone stared in shock at the scene before them. From a distance, the entire Ramshackle Dorm was engulfed—floating shards of mirrors glinted in the air, briar thorns coiled menacingly, and eerie blue flames burned all around.*

*—And Grim stood at the entrance in his monstrous form, blocking the way. He roared at them, a clear warning to stay back.*

Vil: Spudlings! You told us the Prefect was the one who overblotted! So why is Grim affected too?!

Leona: Grr...

Malleus: *frowning*

Riddle: Idia-senpai! Do something!

Idia: Wh-Wh-Why are you yelling at me?!

Riddle: You abducted Grim before!

Idia: Ugh... Wait. I'll call Ortho—

Azul: No! This situation is different.

Riddle: Different? It's just Grim!

Azul: Can't you sense it?

Riddle: *confused* What do you mean?

Azul: *his expression turned even more serious*

Azul: Despite being kilometers away from Ramshackle Dorm, not even a breeze stirs.

The other dorm leaders: ...

Ace: Are you saying we should head back?!

Deuce: How about the Prefect?!

Azul: We're saving them, but we can't rush in blindly.

Azul: Isn't that right, Leona-senpai? Malleus-senpai?

Malleus and Leona: ...

Leona: Yes. Herbivore is going nowhere.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: I will inform my grandmother about the situation.

Kalim: Your grandmother?

Malleus: Yes. She voiced her concerns previously. Had I only been more observant...

MC: You did well, Grim.

MC: We don't need anyone getting involved in my problem.

Grim: *growls*

MC: Ah, right. I'll fix this soon, so please bear with me for a bit.

*The mirror behind them glowed, revealing the reflection of a fallen angel.*

*The Ramshackle ghosts exchanged worried glances before vanishing into hiding.*

Baul: Observer's curse?

Maleficia: I only met that child once, but I could tell they’d sooner destroy themselves than let the curse win.

Baul: What horrors does this curse bring, Your Majesty?

Maleficia: Legends of it have lingered for ages—each tale more gruesome than the last. But one detail never changed: the cursed never survived the weight of their own remorse.

Baul: ...

Maleficia: That’s why I need to see the child myself, Baul.