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#but i dont know if a binder is going to help
seilon · 1 month
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shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!
#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account#it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen#she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least#even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of#dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore#because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to#contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help#my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing#anyway I’ve given myself a headache#I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious#not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did#if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate#my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly#I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance#and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late#as possible and it . doesn’t even matter#im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs#vent#like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount#through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore#not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground#I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it#I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating
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strixton · 11 months
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Somedays I wish I had more control over my adhd.
I don't want to get rid of it. No. I just want more control over it. I know there are "solutions" but sometimes it would be nice to just have a magic wand that lets me turn on and off the sparkle in my brain so that I can do my homework and then turn it back on so I can have my personality when I am with friends
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fated-normal-767 · 3 months
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the fucking stitches on my diy binder fucking broke this is so fucking funny . What do I even do now.
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huellitaa · 3 months
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₊˚⊹♡ education is hot!
education is literally the most valuable thing in life. please please PLEASE take advantage of that. self concept is important, good looks are important, happiness is important, health is important, but without education we wouldn't even know what any of that even means. ♡
having knowledge makes you magnetic. when you're smart, people will look up to you. and if people look up to you, it means they think about you, they admire you, and you have an influence on them.
life is knowledge. the more you learn, the more you are. knowledge is the fundamental basics to life. nothing is the root of everything but we wouldn't even know what nothing is without education. we wouldn't have language, we wouldn't have concepts, we wouldn't have technology, we wouldn't have the screen you're reading this on. we wouldn't have tumblr 😨
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──★ ˙ ̟🎀 1. noting down ur findings
the smartest people ALWAYS note down what they learn, whether it be big or small. if you have lots of knowledge and / or the memory capacity of a goldfish then naturally you may not always remember what you learn. keeping it noted down in any preferably easily accessible format of your choice is so helpful and a very smart choice if you want to be an Intellectual™. notebook, sketchbook, binder, google docs, notion pages, tumblr posts, notes app, anything you like !!!!! just keep it noted down !!!! ♡
──★ ˙ ̟🎀2. utilising ur resources!!!!
so many people i know and millions of people throughout the world suffer with a crippling addiction to their phones, but what are you actually doing on said phone? you spend ages on your phone, your tablet, your laptop, reading, writing, playing video games, and so on, but even then, are you genuinely learning? are you taking the time to absorb the knowledge placed before you or are you skimming through it all in a mindless cycle of media consumption?
think about how you can utilise the things around you to learn. for example, make all that time spent on your devices useful. research, study, learn in your free time. knowledge is abundance. you can use your local library, your local bookshops, ur school or ur college or ur workplace just to find out more about your surroundings and about the world. it is so much more valuable thank you'd think.
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 3. wisdom
wisdom is the highest form of knowledge. to learn is to live so living is the only way you're going to truly learn, if that makes sense. therefore, by using this direct method, you gain the highest manner of knowledge; wisdom. wisdom is not being book smart or knowing how to solve equations or write essays but wisdom is genuine, pure, raw, life experience and life lessons, which, surprise surprise, can only be gained through experience and living your life. go out, try things, get out of your comfort zone, get comfy being uncomfy. you got this. ♡
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 4. social interaction
"nerds dont know how to socialise!!!" okay so maybe i adhere to this stereotype sometimes but social interaction is, however unfortunate it may be, a key part of being intellectual and having genuine knowledge. going back to wisdom and learning through experience, speaking with and networking with and sparking connections with others is a vital way to be educated and informed and cultured along with enhancing your social skills, because we need to know how to interact with others, too. if we can't spread said knowledge through connections and socialising so it can be passed down for hundreds of thousands for years to come then there is no point in learning at all because it'll have no use in the long run.
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 5. media consumption
feed ur brain. i cannot stress this enough. read books, fiction or non fiction. i know you've heard this a million times but it's true. read just a random article of interest every day to get your brain working. learn a new word every day, read news reports, letters, interesting blogs, articles, websites, do puzzles, crosswords, wordsearches, memory games, listen to podcasts, audiobooks, watch documentaries, youtube videos, interviews, ted talks, video essays, EXERCISE UR BRAIN
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 6. insights, emotional intelligence and empathy
as i've said before, and i'll reiterate again, knowledge extends beyond simply having book smarts and knowing how to work with letters and numbers. the most powerful method of communication amongst humans is emotion, and being well versed in how to read, understand and communicate said language is only learnt through real life experience and observation of real life experiences where the use of emotional intelligence and empathy come into play. analyse these experiences and note down everything
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 7. question ur sources and BE BOLD
one thing i was taught ever since i was little is that when ur online you need to be veeeery careful with all the information you get fed because there are lots of people out there, esp on the internet, with lots of different intentions and lots of different facts, even if they have good intentions and don't mean to mislead you. always double check whatever ur told with someone you know or on another website or two or a physical yet reliable source if you have one to hand, and cite your own opinions too. you get to choose what does and doesn't get to enter your mind. your mind and your knowledge is yours entirely and only yours to be tampered with and adjusted in any way you'd like.
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──★ ˙ ̟🎀 things 2 study and be generally educated on:
social etiquette and politeness
countries and their respective laws, cultures, landmarks etc.
history of your own family and ancestry
languages you're interested in and basic phrases in several languages
information about your dream and / or current career
finances and how to manage your money
business, networking and persuasion
pet psychology and how to take care of them
capital cities and basics about places around the world, esp if you plan on going travelling
something beautiful about knowledge is that you'll never run out of it and it can never be taken away from you. people can take anything from you, but never your intelligence. ♡
all my love! 💖✨💘💗🎀💓
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honeytonedhottie · 4 months
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HOT GIRL SUMMER⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🍹
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hot girl summer is officially here and its the perfect time to have lots of fun and make rly amazing memories, while also feeling and looking ur best ✨ AND continuing to pursue ur goals while doing it.
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THE RULES ;
in order to have a hot girl summer there are rules that need to be set in order to ensure that u have fun in a safe manner that aligns with ur goals and who u are as a person. MY hot girl summer rules are
dont put urself in situations that are compromising to ur safety or the safety of ur friends (look out for each other)
try ur best to keep moving and doing things with ur time
be social and HAVE FUN (dont ruin ur own fun)
if u didn't document it, it does NOT count (take lots of photos)
i dont have a LOT of rules for my hot girl summer, i just put those in place bcuz i wanna make sure that i have the most memorable and enjoyable summer that i can.
THE PREP ;
we should be preparing for our hot girl summer. to be helpful and just for funsies, to help you feel your most confident and radiant this summer ✨. if i were to break down the most important things to prep for hot girl summer they’d be ur base (skin + body) ur company, and ur wardrobe.
BASE ; 
moisturize ur skin after your showers while your skin is still slightly damp. for moisturized and soft skin this summer 
if ur not already using sunscreen on your face AND body then what are you even doing? get in the habit of putting sunscreen on ur body to promote a smooth and even skin tone and protect u from the sun ofc 
get into a solid workout regimen that u can be consistent with. focus on building ur body to perfection! work out as much as u want, i recommend 3-4 times a week. 
my recommendations for soft skin is to use an african net sponge bcuz that always gets me CLEAN. also, use african black soap for glowy skin and use shea butter on ur body while ur skin is still slightly damp. 
not only does it smell yummy but it rly REALLY moisturizes you well. i also recommend using it during the summer bcuz the glow that u get from it is REAL 🌺🍹
i’ve elaborated on sunscreen in the bullet points already so let’s go to body building. get into a workout regimen 3-4 times a week. i’ll share some workouts here depending on what u want. 
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the important thing is that you start NOW so that then by the time it’s summer your gains will be visible and you’ll feel stronger and more confident -> therefore more happy and prepped for ur hot girl summer. 
use body scrubs to exfoliate skin and also promote optimal softness bcuz in the summer it’ll be hot and you might wanna show some skin 
WARDROBE ; 
get onto ur pinterest and start looking for inspo for your summer wardrobe that coincides with ur personal style. use ur fashion binder if u have one to start formulating and thinking of outfits. 
create a list of specific pieces that ur looking for (with photos if u can) so that when ur shopping/thrifting u know to get what u want for summer. 
the important things for summer from my own fashion binder are bikinis, camisoles and mini skirts + shorts. bcuz i wrote that in my fashion binder i’ll look for and buy those specific clothing pieces for my summer wardrobe. do the same ✨
COMPANY ; 
it’s more fun when u spend some parts of ur summer with quality company so make sure to prepare that NOW so that then ur plans go smoothly in the summertime. 
make sure to have a list of things/activities that u wanna do this summer either alone or with company. and make plans according to that bcuz ur not about to be cooped up all summer, unless thats what u want ig.
now is the time to test the waters and propose ideas with ur friends about what u guys should do together this summer. maybe it’s simply hanging out, or going on a sort of vacation together. 
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whatever it is, make sure that ur company is not only reliable/responsible but also that they have ur best interest at heart bcuz it’s gonna be hot girl summer and everyone’s gonna be out there 😭 u need someone to have ur back and someone that you can trust. 
THE INSPO/MOOD ;
skin is so glossy and smooth it almost looks wet. warm beaches and fruit platters. swimming like EVERYDAY, cruises and shopping sprees and vacations. dinners with ur girls, summer romances. natural yet so ethereal.
SUMMER FASHION LINK ;
i've already made a post that talked about summer wardrobe essentials and its linked right here. but the gist is that summer is all about vibrant colors and skin and shimmer.
PLAYLIST ;
for a proper hot girl summer u absolutely MUST have a proper hot girl summer playlist. the top songs on my summer playlist are jump by tyla, and the 250 remix of attention by newjeans. make sure that u formulate a couple playlists for summer because the music is what makes the season.
PRODUCTS AND ESSENTIALS ;
for the summertime i gravitate towards products that are more tropical and fruity which is a juxtaposition to what i usually smell like. cuz im a vanilla cupcake/strawberry poundcake scented girlie. but in the summer i kind of like to smell like a refreshing cocktail instead.
body shimmer
moisturizing lip oils
cute claw clips
mini fan that u can take in ur purse
thick body butters
a swimsuit on hand
some products that i recommend to achieve that scent are the bronzed coconut products from victorias secret pink, along with strawberry and champagne and fruit crush. the ulta beauty smoothie shower gels r also rly good. lastly bodycology has some great summer scents.
last but not least i rly hope that u guys prioritize having fun this summer and being the embodiment of beauty and confidence that GLOWS. stay safe and have an amazing hot girl summer ✨
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yaymiyas · 10 months
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Yandere!Jock Introduction
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warning: yandere content, manipulation, foul language, boys being…boys!, gn reader
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YANDERE!JOCK, whose very name gives you the ick. noah. ew. to his medium length golden hair that frames his face ever so tightly, to his tall frame that makes it almost impossible to miss him, and to especially his a million dollar smile that he wears like the latest fashion trend…why do you hate him again?
why do you avoid him like the spanish flu? not even you knew fully. you contemplate about this very topic for weeks, never really getting a straight answer from yourself. from every instants that you two have crossed paths, he has been nothing but forthcoming with you. nothing but sunshines and rainbows. nothing but absolutely perfect.
Yuck.
you never even wanted to actually know who he was. you and your friends may have joked about him and his friend group a few times, but having noah around you 24/7 was never really on your bucket list. he kind of made it his own mission to make his existence your business.
it all started last semester, when you were walking down the hall. chem and statistic books in one arm, and the other quietly struggling to keep your book bag up. with the current cards not being 1000% in your favor, you didn’t really have time to look up at where exactly you were going. but noah did. trying to maneuver through the busy halls isn’t the easiest task with two shoulders filled and a 6’2, linebacker breaking down your neck. you didnt even see him walking beside you for the last two door frames you seemingly passed. all that was on your mind was to successfully get to the exit quick enough so you can get to your car, but satan had other plans.
“i can help you if you dont mind”
not paying the voice any real attention, you flash a struggling smile trying to use that as a quiet sign to leave you alone. one thing you didn’t bank on, was for noah to not really take no as a real answer. or in this case, an annoyed smile. testing his luck, the taller male fixed your book bag strap releasing a whole 2 pounds of weight off of your shoulder. with this new found feeling, you hesitantly stopped in your tracks and paid the stranger a small glance. looking back was noah, smiling widely like he just won the latto.
YANDERE!JOCK who finds a way to comfort you at all the right times. a random rumor about you started to spread at the speed of light. nobody would tell you where it started, or why they believe it but all you know is that it is messing up your senior year. you wanted to end your high school career better than when you came in, because lets face it, your freshman and sophomore years were ass. not being of bullying or teasing, you just weren’t ready or willing to see that you were in a different environment. things are different from two years ago, well they were supposed to be.
you don’t know how you started crying or when, but you were outside of your ecom class tears soaking your binders. you never allowed the words of others to get to you, always brushed them off. this time around it was different. you were more affected than you thought you would be at things like this. sleeping with a teacher? the same ecom teacher who you deducted points for not citing correctly? the same one who didn’t learn your name until two weeks ago? such a baseless and so easy to be unproven, so why do so many people believe it?
the only reason you were crying outside of your class is because two girls called you a slut to your face. out loud. with grins on their face, like your misery was something that warmed their skin. it was all so disgusting but you couldn’t do anything was cry. why now? why you? why the very last semester of high school? why?
“i heard about what’s going on,”
noah slightly nudges your leg with his foot, forcing your attention solely on him. you didn’t want to look up.
no, you actually wanted to tell him to go away. why was the most annoying, condescending, passive aggressive person in front of you for. the universe and gods must hate you.
“you know,”
he started with a hint of glee in his voice. was this all a joke to him? was he enjoying your tears? was your agony entertainment for him? this sick bastard. if you could, you would pull him by his hair and yank him to the floor. a knee to the stomach wouldn’t do anything to a linebacker right?
“its okay if you slept with him…we all have our low points.”
wow.
oh.
you are a joke to him. his smile never wavered, no it actually got bigger. you turned your head a bit so both of you were staring into the others. his ocean blue eyes seemed to turn into a black hole, sucking you into it with no avail. this is sick. he is sick. was he the one to fucking tell everybody that? how did he even know about the rumor? why was he here? what does he want from you, and how far will he go to get it.
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kayewrite · 1 month
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Kayewrite's Masterlist!
warning: full of fluff
ask me anything and suggestions here!
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Series:
Blue Sticky Note (stray kids ot8 x reader) - fluff a mysterious note confession appears in your binder. Unsure of who left it, you embark on an investigation among your eight close friends, each with their own quirks and possibilities.
Blue Sticky Note part 2 (stray kids ot8 x reader) - fluff, angst you know the answer of the mystery of the blue sticky note you found in your binder, but then keep denying it.
Stack of books (bsn ending #1) - han x reader x skz
falling in the wrong way (bsn ending #2) - minho x reader x skz
I hate to admit (bsn ending #3) - changbin x reader x skz
You were beautiful (bsn ending #4) - seungmin x reader x skz
this is going to hurt (bsn ending #5) - hyunjin x reader x skz
swear it again (bsn ending #6) - chan x reader x skz
knock on your door (bsn ending #7) - felix x reader x skz
... maybe that's why (bsn ending #8) - jeongin x reader x skz
Blue sticky note (Final Chapter) straykids ot8 x reader!! -because of that blue sticky notes, you now know what you want. and that was to keep them all.
Time and again (chan x reader x hyunjin) - fluff You thought acting was just another gig, until a simple favor spiraled into something more complicated. As you step into a world of wealth and deception, you meet Chan and Hyunjin—two men whose lives you’ve unintentionally entangled with your own.
One shot:
Like I do ( skz jeongin x reader) -fluff you tried to stop you feelings for your best friend especially he has a girl.
How to love? (skz seungmin x reader) - fluff, angst  You are just curious what love is, and you asked for tips from your friend, who just willingly helped you.
Want so bad (skz Lee know x reader) - fluff Minho is everything you never wanted in life. But he wants you….so bad.
Maybe This time ( skz jisung x reader) - fluff, angst Two old friends reunite and reminisce about their shared past.
Unseen Barriers (skz felix x reader) - fluff You have feelings for Felix. But Felix, despite being aware, remains determined not to reciprocate for a reason.
How can i move on? (minho x reader x jisung) - fluff, angst How do you move on from your ex who hurt you? Jisung knows, but it seems you have another way.
latest:
At the same time I wanna hug you (I wanna wrap my hands around your neck)- seungmin x reader! enemies to lovers! -if you have teleportation powers you would bring seungmin in the middle of ocean and dump him there. that's how much you hated him. but wait.. why he was suddenly cool?
note: this will update timely note2: also please bear with me im an uni student and dont have always time to update but ill do it as i can (and yes no nsfw in this blog)
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mayearies · 1 year
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TALK ABT ★⭑ ——— jotw
next part ->
“and you’re sure you’re not gonna switch up this time?”
miles had been dealing with this for months. you said you wanted a boyfriend, and he agreed to help you. what kind of best friend would he be if he didn’t? he always supported you. always. you had been eyeing this guy for a while now, after switching up 3, 4 times. with a verdict, you had to come over to his house immediately and tell him.
“so, what’s he like? he handsome?” he asked, something about it made his head ache a little bit. he watched as you paced around his room while biting your finger. “this guy got you worked up, huh?”
“like no guy i’ve ever known! he’s just so…” you sighed in delight against his sheets, “everything i’ve ever wanted in someone.”
miles played at the loose string on his sweatpants, “that seems like a lot. so, what’re you gonna do about it?”
“just- ask him out i guess. no use in hiding it for so long now. you think it’ll go well?”
he sighed, flopping next to you and staring towards the ceiling, “i mean, i cant say for certain but like, if it doesn’t go well, i’m here for you. i’m just a little nervous about it.”
“nervous?” you sat up to loom over him in curiosity, he had a bothered look on his face and avoided your gaze, “you’re nervous?”
“you know, the whole boy best friend thing. some boyfriends aren’t a fan of that.” he puffed and looked at you, “i just dont want things to become awkward between us. that’s the last thing i would want.”
you understood that well, but miles had always been overprotective and possessive of you when it came to boys. can you blame him? yes and no. sometimes he would scare them away. but you know you could promise one thing: “it wont, i promise. we’ll still be that annoying, shit-talking duo that the whole school knows about.”
he laughed under his breath, “you’re bad at keeping promises but, i have hope for this one. you swear?”
“i swear.”
“good,” miles sat up with a groan and dragged his backpack to the middle of the mattress and pulled out this binder. “now, let’s finish this homework before my ma complains about my spanish grade.”
“you’re failing spanish again?” you moaned in annoyance.
“its different from puerto rican spanish.”
“you can’t keep using that excuse, she said it’s getting old already” miles rolled his eyes against your remark. that night, you went back and forth about it for around 10 minutes then falling asleep. still getting no work done. 
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⭑ SHUSH! QUICK THOUGHT! … idk this series seems really fun already according to my notes LMAO
@ mayearies , no swiping!
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transmasc-advice-blog · 5 months
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How to Get a Binder Without Your Parents Knowing
*disclaimer!! we here at transmasc advice blog do not promote lying and sneaking around behind your parents/guardians back! this is just a resource that might help if you are in a situation where you need a binder!*
**disclaimer #2! i am from the us in an urban area. i dont know if this will work in other countries or in an rural area where you dont have gas stations/stores as closely available. feel free to add in the notes/reblogs**
First: ask yourself: how much trouble would you get in if your parents if your parents found out? i trust that you are able to make a responsible decision in your situation. make sure you will be in a safe spot.
If you have access to money:
Do research! the best binder brands that ive tried or others have recommended to me are: Spectrum, Underworks, Wonababi, and ForThem. Make sure to look at the size guide and do measurements!
Depending on your binder, you will need about $30-$60. If you have a credit/debit card that your parents don't monitor, you can ship the package to a friends house whose parents are chill(ask them first!!), or get a p.o. box (this can cost about $5 a month, go to your local ups store to see!). You might be able to have the post office hold the package for you, but contact them about that (you might need a photo id).
If you only have access to cash, or your parents monitor your card, you can go to your local gas station/target or walmart and they should have visa giftcards. buy a visa giftcard with about $10-$20 more then the binder costs (shipping+tax).
If you don't have access to money:
There are programs availble! read the websites!
point of pride
ftm essentials
rainbow youth pride alliance
queer trans project
and many more! do your own research!
If you know transmasc people who bind, ask them! maybe they have a spare/old one, you never know!
I hope this helps! Please feel free to add anything else in the notes!
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matty-bear · 6 months
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Curing Dysphoria [N.S]
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type: fic !
pairing: nick sturniolo x trans ftm!reader
warnings: SFW, fluff, angst (???), mentions and talk of dysphoria, going on testosterone
summary: you have always struggled heavily with dysphoria ever since you came out as trans. You tried your best to cure it but nothing seemed to work, despite all of your efforts. When you're having another spiral about your dysphoria, nick decides to call up a friend of his who ends up giving you advice that would eventually rid all of your dysphoria and help you pass. 
notes: decided we needed more nick x trans ftm fics in this community so i cooked smth up ;3 dont be shy to send in requests that include a trans reader for nick fics ! i am a trans guy myself so writing some will most likely help me feel better abt myself .  also its so over for you mfs when i go on t 
WC: 4151
previous events will be in italics !
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚  ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚* **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚  ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚* **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚  ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚* **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚  ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚* **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚
Your journey with being a trans male was always difficult for you. It was never easy for anyone, so why would you expect it to be easy for you? You constantly struggled with gender expression and dysphoria ever since you came to terms with your gender in your early years of middle school. You often spent hours upon hours sobbing on the floor of your bathroom because you didn’t feel like you were passing enough or simply didn’t like how you looked in general. 
Ever since you started dating Nick, who knew of you being trans way before you guys started dating due to you coming out to him when you two became very close friends, he always gave you constant support when you felt shitty about yourself. He often held you close to him when you were having an episode and whispered sweet words that consisted of “You’re such a pretty boy,” “My precious boy,” and “You're so handsome, baby.” 
His reassurance never failed to calm you down for the time being. However as you continued to date Nick and your dysphoria grew worse, you knew you had to do something about it. However, since you weren’t friends or aware of other trans people in the community, you didn’t know who to turn to for help. 
The most you were doing to try to help with your dysphoria was cutting your hair short, binding with either a binder or tape, and dressing yourself in the most masculine way possible. (This was the least you could do or rather think of to try to make yourself pass as a guy) If you wanted to try extra hard to pass, you would put some makeup on to make certain features pop out more, like your sideburns and cheekbones.
However, you felt that this wasn’t doing enough for you and didn’t feel like you were passing enough despite the constant reassurance from Nick, his brothers, and your friends. You still hated your voice, (which seemed too high for your liking) the thinness of your limbs, and just how feminine you felt and looked as a whole. 
When you were spiraling and sobbing profusely in the bathroom one afternoon with Nick holding you tightly against him, the boy knew he had to figure out a way to help you. 
After a while, your cries eventually subside to soft sniffles. Even though your eyes seemingly ran out of tears to shed, you still felt the need to cry more. You slowly open your eyes and take in the minimal light in the bathroom, the main light source being Nick’s single candle resting on the counter in front of you. Simply looking at the light causes your eyes to strain and you soon find yourself shutting them again with a soft hiss.
As you rest your head back on Nick’s chest with a heavy exhale and gaze down at your body, you feel the male shift underneath you. You quickly lift your head at the small move and watch as your boyfriend takes his phone out of his pocket and pulls it to his face, a focused expression clear on his face. 
“What are you doing?” You ask, your voice coming out hoarse due to all the crying you just did. 
“Trying to call a friend of mine,” Nick replies, his gaze staying fixed on his cell as his eyes scan the screen. 
Your eyebrows furrow in confusion as you continue to gaze at the male. “Can I ask for what?” 
“I’m asking them for advice on your behalf.” 
“Advice? Like for being trans?” 
“Yup.” 
Your eyebrows kit together even more at Nick’s statement. A few beats of silence flow between the two of you, the only sound being the soft tapping Nick draws from his cell as he taps on his screen. After a moment, you speak up again, “You know someone that’s trans?” 
“Yeah, he’s the coolest mother fucker I know. After you of course. You have to meet him sometime.” Nick momentarily looks down at you to send you a warm smile before diverting his eyes back to his phone. “Anyways, he came out as trans about six years ago and I'm sure he’ll know how to help you with your dysphoria and stuff. I would give you advice on this myself but I'm not trans and don’t want to misguide you or anything.” 
You softly nod your head and sit up a little to peer down at Nick’s phone, your eyes intently watching his fingers flex as they diligently work on tapping and scrolling on his screen. After a few moments, Nick pulls up a contact and hits the call button. 
“Would you like to talk to him yourself?” Nick asks gently, the hand that’s resting on your side gently caressing your clothed skin. “I can put it on speaker if you’d like. If not, that’s perfectly fine and I can do the speaking for you.” 
You force your lips together as you ponder for a moment. “I can talk to him.” You reply with a small head nod. “Can you help me through? Like, talk to him?” 
“Of course.” Just as Nick lands a soft peck on your temple, the muffled sound of shuffling runs through your ears. You quickly whip your head around at the sudden sound, your eyes soon landing on Nick’s phone. At the sight of the ongoing call screen, you relax a little and gaze up at Nick, waiting for him to make the first move. 
“Kit?” Nick calls after a few moments. Immediately, the muffling sounds come to a quick halt and silence can be heard on the other line. 
“Nick?” Kit calls back, the deep and smoothness of his voice causing your eyes to widen ever so slightly. 
The male simply uttered a reply and you’re already intimidated. 
“Are you busy right now?” Nick asks. 
“No?..” Kit’s voice trails off, pure and utter confusion laced in his tone. “Wait, did I call you or did you call me?” 
“I called you. Did you think it was the other way around?” 
“To be honest, yeah.” Kit chuckles softly, “What’s up though?” 
“You know y/n right?” 
“Yeah, of course I do. You won’t shut the fuck up about him.” Your jaw slacks at the comment and you slowly turn your head to look over at Nick, the sight of the red tint dusting over his cheeks and tips of his ears causing you to smile cheekily. When Nick doesn’t reply after a few seconds, the sound of Kit laughing softly sounds in your ears. “Sorry, had to. But what about him? Is everything alright?” 
“Not necessarily. His dysphoria has been getting bad lately and I have no idea how to help him.” 
“Oh, I see. Is he with you right now? I want to ask him some stuff if that’s alright with you.” 
“He’s right here with me actually.” 
“Oh, sweet. Hey, y/n!” Kit greets, his tone nothing but friendly. You could sense that the boy was smiling on the other end just by how cheerful he sounded. “I wasn’t lying about Nick yapping about you. I swear to God that kid does not have an off button when it comes to you.” 
“Kit, I swear to God. Shut the hell up. I called you for help not to be called out.” Nick grumbles through gritted teeth. 
“Sorry, I’m stopping. Anyways, y/n do you mind telling me what you’re struggling with the most right now? You could tell me everything. I just want to know what’s going on in that head of yours right now so I can give you the best advice.” 
After glancing over at Nick with an anxious expression and gaining an encouraging kiss on the lips from him, you begin to open up to Kit about everything. During your small rant, Kit listened intently and only hummed here and there to let you know he was listening. When you’re finished, you exhale heavily and wipe away the few tears that managed to escape your irises with the back of your hand. 
“I think I know what you need,” Kit says, the soft and quick pattering of footsteps sounding from his end. 
“You do?” You ask, your eyebrows knitting together as you gaze down at Nick’s phone. 
“Yup. There’s this thing that the majority of trans people use called Testosterone. Or better known as ‘T.’ It helps our body go get rid of the feminine traits that we have and practically replace them with masculine ones. I’ve been taking ‘T’ for about five years now and it’s helped cure all of my dysphoria. Shits a life changer I'm telling you.” 
“What are the effects of it? Like what are the changes exactly?” 
“Well for starters, they vary between trans guys but it makes them taller, helps with hair and public hair growth, muscle gain, voice changes, and they develop a higher…” Kit's voice trails off at the end of his sentence, tension suddenly filling the air as silence sounds from his end. 
“Higher what?” You ask, worry and panic filling your veins as your hand raises to your mouth. Just as you begin to bite your nails out of anxiousness, Kit clears his throat before he continues. 
“Sex drive. You have a higher sex drive. I would go into more depth about it but I assume you haven’t gone through a bottom surgery and still have your area so I won't get into it. Also, a very important thing, if you continue to take ‘T,’ your period will eventually stop.” 
“Are you serious?” Your mouth opens slightly in shock at Kit’s last statement. “Like the period thing.” 
“Dead serious. I'm telling you this shit is a fucking live saver. Anyways, you think you're up to taking it?” 
“It sounds heavenly so absolutely. How do I get it?” 
“Well, you need to get it prescribed to you by a doctor. I can send you to mine so you won’t have to be as anxious going to the office. I promise you, they’re the sweetest person ever and will be so patient with you during the first few weeks or so of you taking it.” 
“I’d appreciate that, actually. I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to doctors and shit so going to see someone that you are accustomed to seeing will help ease me a bit.” 
“Word. I’ll text them here in a minute to let them know I'm sending you their way before I text Nick the office’s number.”
“Alright, thank you, Kit. I really appreciate it.” 
“Don’t sweat it! If you ever need help, don’t be shy to tell Nick. Hell, he can even send you my number so we can chat one-on-one if you’re up to it. All your call though! Don’t want to push you out of your comfort zone or anything.” 
“I’ll have Nick send me your number. I think it’d be easier texting you myself than talking to you through Nick.” 
“Sounds good. Well, if that’s all I'm going to dip now. Text or call me if anything comes up! Nice talking to you, y/n! Oh, and Nick too I guess.” 
Nick rolls his eyes, an unamused expression clear on his face as his thumb hovers over the end call button. “Goodbye Kit,” Nick states, his monotone voice drawing a small chuckle from the male on the other line. 
“Goodbye Nick.” The moment Kit voices his reply,  Nick ends the call and stuffs his phone back in the planet of his pants. After he huffs softly and gazes down at you, he watches as a small smile creeps onto your lips. Feeling his eyes on you, you pick your head up and lock eyes with Nick, a soft red hue immediately taking over the tips of your ears and cheeks. 
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask, a hand coming up to cover your flushed face. 
“You look so happy it’s so cute,” Nick replies with a small chuckle. Before you get to add to the conversation, Nick cups your face with both his hands and begins peppering your face with small pecks. The action immediately draws soft laughter from your lips, your eyes shutting and the blush on your cheeks deepening a shade or two. 
“Nick!” You exclaim through giggles. You set both your hands on Nick’s shoulders and begin to softly shove him away. After a few moments, the male finally pulls away and gives you the largest and cheesiest smile. 
“I love you so much, you know that?” Nick gushes as he sets his forehead against yours. 
“I love you more.” You reply softly, a shy chuckle escaping your lips. The moment Nick lands another tender kiss on your cheek, the sound of his phone dinging alerts the both of you. 
“God, that’s kids fast as hell,” Nick mumbles. You pull back from Nick’s grasp to allow him to grab his phone out of his pocket again. After turning the device on and scanning his eyes over the screen for a few seconds, he flips the phone towards you. You blink a few times to get your eyes to adjust to the bright light drawing from Nick’s phone and when you’re finally able to see his screen properly, your eyes skim over the single message resting on the lock screen. 
KIT
Just texted Remi. Here’s their number xxx-xxx-xxxx txt them when you want! 
Your eyes light up at the text and you quickly lift your head to meet Nick’s gaze. “Text them!” You exclaim as you latch onto the boy’s shoulders. As you begin to shake him, Nick chuckles softly and rests his hands on your arms. 
“Alright, alright. I won’t be able to text them if you keep shaking me.” Nick says through soft laughter. You immediately stop your actions and drop your hands onto your lap at the male’s statement.
“My bad.” As you rub your nape and gaze down at the floor, Nick smiles softly and sets a hand in your hair to ruffle it. The action draws a small surprised exclamation from you however you don’t lean away and rather you simply smile widely. 
“You gotta stop apologizing kid” Nick scolds gently with a small shake of the head. You smile innocently at the boy and lean into his palm when he begins to card his fingers through your hair. “I'm gonna give Remi a text, alright?”
You eagerly nod your head and look up at Nick through your lashes, the large smile on your lips not faltering. As you quietly watch the male type away on his phone, you begin to feel the excitement build up inside you. If ‘T’ was just as good as Kit said it'd be, you could kiss all of your dysphoria away and finally live a worry-free life. You would finally be happy if everything worked out like you hoped it would.
You wouldn't have to spend hours upon hours on the bathroom floor spiraling and sobbing about your appearance and wouldn't have to feel the need to hide out in your and Nick’s place. You'd be content with your life and God knew you were in desperate need of some happiness in your life. 
_______
TIME SKIP
It's been about three and a half months since you've been taking testosterone. It took about a week to see results but when you started to see some bodily changes, you were over the moon. The first change you took notice of was your skin texture. Your skin started to become very oily and thick and you had to make a few changes in your skincare routine to help fix it. Nothing too major.
The next change was your odor. Now, you were plenty aware of males carrying a natural and unpleasant scent but you weren't quite prepared to develop it yourself. When you noticed this, you made sure to change your cologne to a stronger smelling one in hopes of making your newfound ‘stench.’
The next change, which was the one you were looking forward to the most, was your voice. You slowly but surely started to develop a deeper voice as you continued to take your dosages. When this change started occurring, you felt as though you were going through puberty again. (Which was fine by you. If it took you going through puberty a hundred more times just to pass and get rid of your dysphoria, you were more than willing to do it.)
As your voice started to change, the number of voice cracks you developed was embarrassing, to say the least. When Nick took notice of this, the usual teasing he did seemed to increase significantly. 
EXHIBIT A
You silently watched some supernatural series you stumbled upon on your TikTok feed as you lay down on the sofa at Nick’s place. The Sturniolo household was awfully quiet with both Matt and Chris being out with their friends. This ultimately left you and Nick to do whatever y'all want without being interrupted by the two males, You were so absorbed in the show that played rather loudly on your phone that you failed to notice Nick walk downstairs and enter the living room.
Noticing that you weren't aware of his presence yet, the male quietly made his way over to you. Upon arriving at the sofa where your frame lay comfortably, he peered over the back of the sofa to make sure he wasn't in your line of sight before loudly shouting and grabbing both of your arms. At the sudden exclamation, you scream loudly, your voice cracking in the progress, and you soon find yourself stumbling off the sofa and falling to the floor. 
The moment your back collides with the floorboards with a soft thud, the sound of Nick’s loud laughter runs through your ears. 
“You sound like a fucking elementary school boy!” Nick exclaims through hard laughter. As you boost yourself up into a sitting position, you roll your eyes. The moment you shift your gaze up, you watch Nick stumble around the sofa and walk up to you, soft giggles still escaping his lips. The moment he takes in the harsh glare you're sending him, he begins laughing hard again. 
“Nick.. It's never that funny.” You grumble, your voice low as you try to bite back the smile threatening to creep onto your lips. 
“It's so funny!” As you sigh heavily, Nick falls to the floor as more laughs rack his body. 
“I can't with you.” You boost yourself up to your feet and leave the living room to go to the kitchen, leaving Nick laughing his heart out on the floor in the living room. 
You were hoping that these voice cracks of yours would decrease the more that took testosterone but that was the least of your concerns at this point. The final change you took notice of (as of right now) was the muscle building up on your arms. Your once-thin limbs started to gain quite a few muscles as you continued to take the medication and you didn't have to do very much to keep it up.
You were quite happy with the sleeper build you had going on considering how you always wanted one but you wanted to attempt to build more muscle. When you began to work on your physique, Nick immediately took notice of it. 
A cold shiver ran down your spine as you stood in front of Nick’s front door. The winter wind was harshly hitting your face and the only thing that covered your body and provided you with a little warmth was the hoodie loosely hugging your frame. You would let yourself in the house however you left the spare key Nick gave you in his room. As you shut your eyes and heavily exhale, the sound of the door unlocking rings through your ears. Upon the door opening with a soft creek, you open your eyes and you’re immediately greeted by Nick who has a large blanket tucked around him. 
“What the hell are you doing in sweatpants and a hoodie?” Nick asks as he narrows his eyes at you. 
“This is all I had in my closet. Everything else was in the washer or dryer.” You reply with a frown. Nick huffs softly and grabs your bicep to pull you inside, the warm air filling the house immediately drawing a content sigh from your lips. “God, it feels amazing in here.” 
As you turn around to face Nick, a bewildered expression paints your features at the sight of the male intently staring at your arm, specifically the area he is currently grasping. 
“You good? Do I have something on me?” 
“No, no, you don't have anything on you.” 
“Then what's wrong?”
Silence drifts between the two of you as Nick continues to wordlessly stare at your arm. Feeling rather uneasy with the silence, you open your mouth to say something however are interrupted by Nick saying, “Did you start working out?” 
 Your face immediately flushes as Nick finally shifts his gaze up to you. After locking eyes with the boy, you slowly nod your head and reply, “Yeah.”
“SINCE WHEN?? LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING ARMS!”
You hold back a chuckle when Nick begins to feel your bicep, his eyes wide in pure shock. “Since like last week. As much as I liked my sleeper build I had to work on my physique a little more.”
“Holy fuck y/n…” Nick mutters under his breath as he takes his other hand and begins to squeeze your other arm. As the male continues his actions, you can't help but notice the subtle shade of blush dusting over the tips of his ears and cheeks. Your eyebrows furrow slightly at the sight and a mischievous smile soon overtakes your lips as you continue to gaze at the boy. 
“You know what else I've been working on?
“What?” When you gently grasp Nick’s wrist and remove it from your bicep, he silently watches as you rest his palm on your stomach. The moment you set his hand against your clothed torso, his face flushes a deep red color, followed by his eyes widening. You can't help but laugh at the sight of the hard blushing boy in front of you and you pull his hand away as you double over in laughter.
“You want me dead, don't you?” Nick mumbles, his free hand quickly coming up to cover his face. 
“Maybe.” As you stand upright again, you send Nick a teasing smile before you grab the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss, the feeling of the male melting into the affection bringing a small smile to your lips. 
Since you were only a few months into taking testosterone, you knew that you would experience more changes. Remi, the doctor that Kit suggested you see, filled you in on what those changes would be and when you would most likely experience each of them. They were very supportive on your entire journey of being on ‘T’ and didn’t hesitate to answer any questions that you have regarding it.
When you were beginning to run out of gel, (they suggested you take this type of testosterone considering your great fear of needles. You tried to take it through the injections but even with Nick’s help, it never went well.) you immediately notified them and they sent you another dosage.
Kit was also very supportive and encouraging during this whole process. He often texted you every week or so to ask how you were holding up and such. When you told him about the changes you were experiencing or if he caught onto them himself, he showed a lot of excitement for you. 
The most encouraging person however was obviously Nick. He always reminded you to apply your gel if it slipped your mind and often suggested that he put it on you himself. Every time you notice a subtle change in your body, you don’t hesitate to call the boy and inform him of it. At times, you felt as though he was more excited by your accomplishments than you were.
Every time you came over and your voice had gone through a slight change or you were starting to gain a little more height, he would be smiling widely and devouring you in pecks all over your face. (This would often lead to a small make-out session in his room but no one’s gotta know that) He was always so happy for you and showed you nothing but love and support and you would be forever grateful for him. 
You were plenty aware of the fact that your journey as a trans male was far from over however you knew that Nick would be by your side every step of the way. 
·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:· TagList ·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·
@freshloveforthefit @thenickgirl @patscorner @frankdelreyy @sturnsann @kileybankzz @robins-scoop @miloisdone1 @rootbeerworshiper @rubyperic-09 @teenagetrash00 @maryx2xx
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x-liv25-jamieswife · 5 months
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acacia and grayson head canons
@never-enough-novels requested this so here it is! it might be short bc im so tired but we'll see. this is also my only hcs post today. i think that after im done with my current requests i'll take a break for a few days. i really apologize if these suck. hope you like them <3. @ariscats helped with this. i love her sm. I apologize for any spelling mistakes or things that dont make sense. im too lazy to proof read.
she insists on giving him a hug whenever they leave the other even though he tries to act tough (tries to act like he doesn't want one)
she'll buy him suits she thinks he'd like whenever she's out and either ships them or shows up at his house with them wrapped in gift paper.
they'll sit on the floor and look at old pictures of savannah and gigi in these picture books that acacia has.
acacia ends up creating a separate picture book for grayson (and also has one with the three (sav, gigi, and gray) of them all together - 3 picture books in total)
when acacia first met skye, she 'accidently' poured wine all over skye's white dress cause acacia knows she’s a horrible mother to gray.
acacia asks grayson for fashion advice whenever she doesn't know what to wear. she'll send him pics of options she has to wear and he'll reply with comments for each and everyone of them (like dress #1- this color doesn't match your skin tone as well as the others. dress #2 - this dress is not suitable for winter, etc)
she majored in art when she was in school, she didn't really do anything with her degree but, when grayson shows up, starts trying to teach him all of the things she knows. he already knows how to paint but doesn't say anything so that he can spend time with her.
acacia calls him under the pretense of having a favor to ask, but, in reality, she just wants to make sure he's ok and doesn't want to scare him away by just calling to ask about his feelings.
he spends some time at the graysons manor every year. he and acacia like to just stay quiet and observe the nature/read/paint together
acacia and grayson will go out on nature walks where he takes pictures with his camera and she paints those pictures (she's very talented and the paintings look very realistic)
acacia goes to his graduation (harvard. she helps him decide do go back)
nash calls acacia whenever gray gets sick so that she can come over to hawthorne house and take care of him (cause he can't take care of himself. he always ends up overworking himself and shit). she makes him soup, gets all of the medications he needs, etc  (i also hc that she's literally a miracle worker when someone is sick. she can literally make them better with her concoctions in a matter of hours)
when grayson sits down to play the piano, sometimes acacia will appear out of nowhere, sit down next to him, and sway to the music. gray got more confident over time and started singing sometimes too. she'd harmonize with him and shit. basically, its really beautiful.
they love watching historical romances together. they've watched so many that whenever they greet each other, gray will bow down and kiss her hand like all of those men in fictional historical tv shows.
grayson went out to buy acacia skincare at some point in time bc he once saw her bathroom (and thus the products she uses) and he was so horrified he gasped. he made her promise to never use that shit again.
acacia loves birkin bags so grayson gets her one every year for her birthday
when acacia goes on business trips (idk why though cause she has no money but she takes trips in my head), she always buys a pen from the country she's in to give to gray so he can add it to his collection.
speaking of her business trips, grayson stays at her house when she’s gone to water her plants (she loves them).
when they paint/read/take walks in silence, they either listen to laufey or taylor swift.
grayson is really big on labeling things. he labels his binders, notebooks, pens, clothes etc and sometimes acacia sits there with him creating labels for him. (20)
whenever they watch tv, grayson cuddles up in acacia’s arms. no one says a thing, and it stays between them
grayson secretly paints acacia sometimes when she isn’t watching (or so he thinks). 
I mentioned earlier that acacia loves plants and flowers. grayson would totally go out, buy tons of different kinds of flowers, and make her custom made bouquets.
although she’s not his mother, grayson still buys her a mother’s day gift (a bouquet of flowers, and smth else (that changes every year) like some new paint, perfume, etc)
they wanted to start learning smth together as a bonding activity of sorts so they got into pottery. they watched videos (cause they didn’t want to get a teacher/attend classes) and practiced as often as they could together. they would laugh at each other in the end cause clay would end up everywhere. they’re now quite good at it and make each other little things every now and then
they are huge fans of listening to music the ‘old’ way. whenever they listen to music, they listen to vinyls or cassettes.
whenever they see each other, they go out and buy themselves bubble tea.
speaking of bubble tea, sometimes acacia will take some of the remaining bubbles (she never eats/drinks all of them) and throws them at grayson to loosen him up a bit. he does the same sometimes and they have what they call ‘bubble tea fights’.
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oda-cipresi · 1 year
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For the first time in a long time, I decided to write something again. I apologize for any typos and grammar mistakes, but English is not my first language. I hope you guys like it! (also the ending is kinda rushed so I do apologise for that)
Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated🫶
Word count: 1.1k
Warnings: I dont think there are any. Maybe bruises?
____________________________________________________
RZ!Michael Myers x GN!Reader
If somebody had told me that I'd be getting my working experience as a psychology student in Smith's Grove, under Dr. Samuel Loomis' wing, I would laugh at their face. But here I am, standing with Loomis in front of 6'9 mountian of man whose face is covered by an orange mask, not knowing whether I'm petrified or amazed by his sheer size.
"Mx. (L/N), this is Michael. You will be helping me around with him and take notes while doing so. This will be a great working experience, and I'm sure you will have little to no problem, considering your school did praise you and your knowledge." Loomis tells me. I can only nod, still in shock.
"Right..." I say in an unsure voice.
"Michael, this is (y/n) (l/n), a psychology student from (school). They will be here for some time to get their working experience." Loomis introduces me to Michael. Give a small wave and a smile. Michael stays silent, observing my every move, his stare feeling like he is looking at the deepest, darkest parts of my soul.
I shift from one leg to another, feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. I glance at Loomis, "is he always staring so much?" I ask him, worried if there is something wrong, but he then reassures me that this is normal for his behaviour, especially with new people. I can only nod in response.
"This is a copy of his files and your schedule. You can go to the back where you can leave your stuff in a locker and meet me here in... let's say 15 minutes, okay?" Loomis explains to me and hands me a binder with Michael's files and my schedule. I nod and go to the lockers to leave my coat and other things that I won't need there.
Once I return, I gently knock on the door and enter. "Ah, (y/n), please take a seat here," Loomis tells me and points to the chair that is on the side of the table. I sit down, put my notes on the table, and start listening to their conversation (although it is pretty much one-sided), taking notes on Michael's body language and the questions Loomis asks him.
I take notes while observing the ever so stoic Michael Myers. The only part of him that moved was when he occasionally tilted his head while he was looking at me. As I took notes and the doctor continued to try to talk to Michael, I was startled when Michael slowly reached out his arm, his fingertips just gently touching my shoulder. I freeze and look at Loomis, panicking internally.
"Just stay calm, (y/n)," Loomis said while keeping an eye on Michael. I know that he couldn't do anything to me since he was still chained to the chair, but the unsettling feeling was still there.
Michael was still touching my shoulder and the material of my shirt. He looked like a curious child.
Loomis was calm and collected while I was panicking silently. Michael's hand slowly slid from my shoulder to my forearm, where he pulled on the sleeve and slowly pulled my arm closer to him. He observed my hand and arm, looking at every spot, every line, every scar, the way my jewellery decorated my wrist and fingers.
The doctor still looked calm and with a slight hit if worry in gus eyes. Michael was still studying my hand, looking at it closely. A chill ran down my spine.
Dr. Loomis suddenly chuckled softly, "He seems to like your hand," I look at him, "Really? What gave you that impression?" I say, slightly irritated that he isn't helping me. Michael's grip then tightens, and it's starting to hurt. I try to pull away, but his grip is too strong on my arm. "A little help here, maybe?" Loomis only chuckles and tells me to stay calm. "This is the first time in 15 years I ever saw Michael be this interested in someone this much."
Michael's grip is starting to hurt more and more. as his grip on my hand thightens, He is still looking at my hand up close, studying the patterns and imperfections. The pain is significantly increasing, and i feel like he is about to break my bone. Loomis finally decided to step in, "Michael, let go off of their arm," Michael doesn't listen to him and squeezes even more. I decided to hit the table with my other hand, which startled Michael and made him let go off of my arm, which gave me the chance to move my chair further away from him.
Dr. Loomis suddenly laughed loudly, his calm demeanour completely changing, "There we go! That's the reaction I wanted! He actually reacted to what you did!" I look at loomis and then at Michael, who was staring ahead, seemingly frozen. I then look at his arms, which are resting on the table, his muscles slightly twitching.
His body was responding in anger to the fact that I hit the table and made a loud noise. His eyes were filled with anger and some sort of...disappointment?
I looked at my arm and noticed a big bruise forming where he had squeezed my arm.
Loomis then looks at his watch and notices that it's already 17:45, "I think that would be enough for today... (y/n), dearie, could you grab me his harness(?) and help me put it on him and take him to his room?" I only nod and help him put the harness on Michael. I cuffed his wrists and fastened the harness while Loomis cuffed his ankles. While I was cuffing his wrists, Michael made a grunting sound of displeasure, still angy at my actions. I flinch at the sound and look at him, his piercing blue eyes burning into my soul.
Once Loomis and I put the harness on Michael, we took him to his room. He was walking very slowly, stumbling slightly once in a while due to the chains around his ankles. While we were walking, Michael still had his glare set on me, looking at my every move. We finally got to his cell and took off the harness. I looked around his room and saw masks upon masks filling uo the walls and table. I go to pick one up, but Loomis stops me, saying that he doesn't like it when people touch them. Me and Loomis then walk out of his cell and lock it behind us. Michael was standing directly in front of the door, glaring at me through the tiny window thats on them. I can feel a shiver going through my body, and I finally walk away, feeling confused about this whole situation.
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genderqueerdykes · 8 months
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hello, I'm a younger transmasculine person and I was curious about a few things (for reference I live in the us in a fairly left state)
- how do you get started on testosterone?
I've never gotten a clear answer on this, some people said it took a two year queue, others could start immediately. idk when I want to start, but i dont want to be confused on what to do when I get the ball rolling
- are there alternatives to shots, and do they work better or worse?
I dont think I could do the shots myself unless there's no other options, something about them just makes my bones hurt
- how often do you have to apply T, and what happens if you forget to take it?
I'm pretty forgetful and I'll probably not take T on the scheduled date at least once, I hope that won't screw with anything because I don't really know if you've got to be consistent with it
- do you have any tips for clothing/voice training?
I think I pass at least a little okay but my voice is one of the things I'm most self conscious about. I also find myself spending 10-20 minutes every morning pulling my shirt against my chest to see if my binders working, and just end up wearing the same sweater I have for the past few weeks
sorry if that's alot, even if you're a stranger you're the first person I've been able to ask about these things. thank you so much
these are all great questions, i'm so glad you're taking the time to ask! this is extremely thorough and well thought out!
How do you get started on testosterone?
That's a great question, i feel like a lot of people have barriers to this one. if you are in a state where you have access to Planned Parenthood, this is usually a good place to start. check to see if you have a transgender resource center in your area. if not, go to whatever local lgbtq organization you can find, even one in a college. it is also possible to search gender affirming care [area], but clinicians aren't always available via Google
Here is a list of informed consent clinics that provide gender affirming care services, you may want to look here.
The process looks different for literally everyone, that's why no one can give you a clear answer, i'm so sorry! it's such a chaotic process for all of us. some trans men will literally get their prescription for testosterone within a month, others it does take years. do some research and see if therapy is required before hormones will be prescribed in your area. if not, you will likely have a much faster and easier time getting your hormones. if you don't need therapy, generally you'll just need to sign some consent forms and waivers stating that you are aware of what you are going to do to your body.
Are there alternatives to shots, and do they work better or worse?
all forms of testosterone are equally effective, it just depends on the dosage and the person. currently in the united states, you can get topical testosterone in the form of an alcohol based gel! it is applied topically to the upper forearms or abdomen, generally daily. it works just as well as the injectable testosterone, so long as you respond well to it! there is also the option of having your clinician do shots for you if you don't respond well to gel, as well.
nebido also may be available for FtM HRT in your area!
How often do you have to apply T, and what happens if you forget to take it?
Daily for topical gel, anywhere between twice a week, once a week, to once every two weeks for shots, depending on the person, how well they tolerate the medication, their transition goal, and the dosage.
Do you have any tips for clothing/voice training?
In terms of vocal training, AmaRoseLessons, Zoey Alexandria, and Trans Vocal Training are YouTube channels that can help with vocal training exercises, and i can also recommend the r/transvoice subreddit as well if you need help figuring out how to practice and ways to integrate what you learn into how you speak naturally!
For clothing, really anything goes, it depends on what you're going for and how you want to look. Remember that your personal style still gets to be included in the mix! Generally speaking, bulkier shapes that obscure the shoulders, hips and chest help a lot, layering of clothes, and wearing clothes with "boxier" cuts. Heavier shoes like boots may help, you may also find you like dress shoes. it really depends on your personal look, but generally speaking, i say go into the "men's" section and go nuts. Whatever they wear, you can wear too, and it gets the point across.
Hope that helps! Thanks for laying out your ask in such a concise way, that's much appreciated! If you need any more help feel free to ask!
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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months
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Can you write the TADC cast with a male ballet dancer reader? The reader experiences gender dysphoria 24/7 because they look very feminine and all that.
TADC cast x male!ballet dancer!reader w/ dysphoria
back to finishing up the current line up of requests!! reminder that im only doing requests that have been sent in prior to them being closed! any requests that are sent in while theyre still closed will not be taken and will be deleted so i can keep track of what was sent before closing; its nothing against any of yall and you guys can resend your stuff when they are reopened (i will make it very obvious when they are so dw!!) on a different note i could have sworn i did a cast request with a reader who does ballet; but i guess it was only for jax and i was confusing the group request for the ballora type! reader from this morning huh anyways!! i hope you enjoy this anon! quick warning that i know literally nothing about ballet so im
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CAINE:
i think he enjoys a bunch of art forms; from music stuff to dance stuff to painting stuff, this man has taste. i think he would give you a bunch of outfits for you to wear and swap around that fits your aesthetic. bro would give you a whole walk in closet. as for dysphoria, i think he would do a similar thing with jax and reinforce how masculine you are to him, usually through affirmations, but he also shows it through just being there for you, bro is not only your number one fan but hes also your biggest supporter
POMNI:
i am yet again stumped on what to put in for pomni, since i think pomni is. bad at comforting people. very awkward, do not go to her for advice she will fumble so bad. now its not like shes not trying, but i think she would be all over the place trying to cover everything that could possibly help you; perhaps you two ultimately settle on cuddling one another... if this werent the digital world you two would probably put on a movie to take your mind off of it. as for her thoughts on ballet! i think she would find it neat, similar to jax she would have a form of respect for it!
RAGATHA:
she thinks it looks pretty, the dancing! she wouldnt know all the history or more in depth parts of it but she would watch you practice if you allowed her too... i think she would make you a binder, if your digital body causes any gender dysphoria for you.. though now that i type this i recall it being said that the characters clothing being stuck to their body.. so maybe she would just make you clothing thats more masculine as well? im not sure on this one!
JAX:
doing jax first since he already got a similar post and i can use it as a basis; ive said this in that post as well as the ballora one but i think he would at least appreciate the dedication and hard work that goes into ballet... to like, fully commit to something like that impresses him you know? as for dysphoria, i think he would make it a point to call you more masculine terms. hes gonna be trying his best to try to help you with your dysphoria in the way that best helps you. lays off on his teasing on days where its worse
KINGER:
i am yet again distraught that i do not have many ideas for kinger this time, which is sad because hes my favorite character and i can relate so hard to the dysphoria thing... thinks.. probably throws all of his knowledge at you. i mean hes been in the circus for a while, hes probably seen at least a few people come and go; and sure what are the odds that he has some experience helping someone fight through their dysphoria... a boy can dream! takes you to his pillow fort and lets you stay for as long as you want
probably sits and watches you dance on a makeshift pillow thrown. claps when you're done, probably throws roses... i think caine would throw roses too except he would throw way more simply because he can literally. manifest as many as he wants
ZOOBLE:
i dont usually like sharing my lgbt hcs about characters out of fear that it would be met with discourse but if i recall correctly zooble doesnt really have a gender/a set one (if im wrong correct me!) so they understand the dysphoria thing; i think they would offer to let you hang out in your room and vent your feelings out. probably tries to give advice on how to feel better in general if you want advice, but if you want comfort theyre gonna do your best to give it to you. i dont think zooble would have much of an opinion on ballet; neither negative or positive, simply knowing thats its an art form! supports you if it makes you happy, though!
GANGLE:
while not the same thing, i like to think gangle used to do ribbon dancing in the real world... because... ribbon girl. see look im so so creative
but also i think it looks pretty
so you guys can bond over your hobbies! you might have to pry gangle to open up and talk about her interest in it, assuming she picks it up again in the digital world! as for dysphoria, i think gangle would be like zooble in terms of lending you some support; offers to help distract you if you dont want to tackle the issue at that point in time. i dont know about you, but sometimes i just, dont want to deal with my own dysphoria, but perhaps thats just a me thing
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cassied03 · 3 months
Text
Okay so to the two people who said they would listen/read my ideas, this is for you two before i go to sleep and expand on a later date.
•So for galra keith I would definitely think that he had a lot more galra traits then the show gave him.
• For example his nails were typically stronger and grew in a curved shape
• For another example, his hair was naturally a dark/deep purple but his first foster family after his dads death dyed it black thinking keith had dyed it young to the purple color
• Speaking of purple, i would also think that his eyes were a deep dull purple/plum color
• moving to the scene where Krolia suggests the name Yorak, i personally think that Keiths dad would have included that in his name after she left earth
• so Keiths full name is "Keith Yorak Kogane"
•In terms of galra, he'd probably be seen as a late bloomer to the blade of marmora because he hasn't grown in his ears or tail, not knowing that his tail was surgically removed by one of his foster familys (theres a very rare chance of a human being born with a tail, and I think the tail wouldn't have grown much because the human body has evolved to not need a tail and half his biology was against the tail)
Now onto the good stuff, ergo the trans stuff
• i'd say he's transmasc who's known since he was a young boy, but that could also be me projecting, who knows
• my big thing was what about periods? because i know that everyones is different, i'd say his started at 15 give or take a few years, but before he ended up leaving earth
• With his period, because Galra most likely dont have anything quite as similar (based on cats, i suppose. With cats all their internal bleeding is reabsorbed), his periods would probably be very light as half his body (might/) will absorb the blood and the other half will shed it out.
• I'd say for the same reason he uses cloth pads, simply for the reuse ability and his light flow would have made it easy to clean
• i also head cannon that him growing out a mullet is the result of him shaving his hair at some point, and regaining enough confidence to grow his hair out while knowing that he could easily cut his hair if he felt dysphoric
• with the chest situation, it can go two ways. with the episode when keith and lance are going to the pool, Keith is shirtless, so that is a point to small-chested keith
• but we could also just, ignore that and pretend that he was in a compression shirt that was meant for trans people to swim in. because if there was shorts with them then im sure there was something for compression (ignoring how the alteans could shapeshift)
•One of my biggest head cannon when it comes to trans!keith, is that only Shiro knows, and that if they're ever overheard talking about it (like shiro lecturing keith about working out in a binder or something), everyone just completely misunderstands the conversation
Keith: Shiro it's fine (Shiro just said he can't work out safely in his binder)
Shiro: No it's not keith, you can't keep doing this. You know why. We're in space, you can't avoid the consequences anymore than you could on earth. (Shiro is talking about Keiths ribs, and how if Keith breaks a rib or something akin to that, then there is nothing in space that can help him as opposed to earth where at the very least he could have fixed his ribs)
Lance or Coran overhearing and thinking that it's just about keiths little pick pocketing habit (another head cannon): Huh, i didn't know Keiths been a pick pocketer when he was on earth.
Anyways, thats all i can come up with right this second, if i feel like i'm able to i'll expand on a couple of my head cannons / thoughts
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steifel · 2 months
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HERE TO ASK YOU ABOUT UR TRANS JOHNNY AND SODA HEADCANONS 🫡
I may have gone a little over bord with these
TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, transphobia, gender dysphoria, talks of body parts. Everything is very minor but please protect your peace
Sodapop
-first off She cam out to Johnny first on accident Darry had taken Pony to the doctors so nobody was home Soda wanted to test a theory. She was dancing around the house in a mini skirt and a stuffed bra Johnny walked into the house and was like "you wanna talk about this? You don't have to"
-soda literally broke down telling Johnny everything
-poor Johnny has no idea how to comfort people but he just sat there listening and understanding
-she told Pony next they were laying in bed one night and the conversation went like this
S: hay Pone? You know how Johnny was born a girl but hes really a boy?
P: mhm
S: well sometimes i feel like i might be your sister even though ive always kind of been your brother
P: *pulling Soda into a big hug* ok
S: thats it just ok
P: um okay.... I love you?
S: love you too pony
-she told Darry next and he required a lot more information than ponyboy did.
-how long have you known
- she/her?
-who all knows
-is your name still Sodapop
-how do you feel
-do you want me to help you tell anyone
-is there anything i can do to help you?
-after Darry got all the information he needed he just hugged his sister and said "i always wanted a little sister"
-she told Steve next
-he was actually kind of excited
-after she told Steve she started living as a girl 100% of the time
-Twobit and Dally were super confused but they eventually figured it out
-Soda is a woman of extremes she is ether so eurphoric shes ontop of the world or so dysphoric that she can barely get out of bed
-her bad dysphoria days just about kill Steve
-he knows that she's the most beautiful girl in the world and it hurts him that she doesn't know that
-when she's dysphoric he always gives her one of his long shirts to wear and then holds her in bed as long as she needs just telling her shes beautiful and playing with her hair.
-when she's super euphoric you bet your ass Steve is gonna take her out and show her off (if anyone says anything bad they get jumped)
-if/when she goes on E she wears push up bras every day and that makes Steve go crazy
-if you think Soda was hot as a guy than you'll think shes a goddess as a girl
-Steve feels so lucky
-its not all fun and games though
-she gets jumped a lot
-the socs can be very vilont with her
-she tends to silently cry herself to sleep a lot
-her and Johnny get really close
-they actually trade pre transition cloths
-johnny teaches her all of the "girl" stuff he learned in childhood and she teaches him the "guy" stuff
-believe me when i tell you that Soda is a MASTER at tucking
-she wears super tight pants and skirts
-Soda is suuuuper fem
-she loves doing her hair and makeup
-this pisses pony off because she takes forever to get ready in the mornings
-the one bathroom thing starts to become a problem now that Soda takes an hour to get ready
Johnny
-was absolutely terrified to come out to the gang
- he put it off for a long time
-came out to Dall first
-and he only came out at this point because Dally could tell something was bothering his little buddy
"So you gonna tell me whats wrong or am i gonna have to guess?"
-dall was genuinely so mad. Not because he's trans but because Johnny had the gaul to ask if Dally hated him now
-when he told Pony he had a shit ton of questions
-this is mostly the reason Pony didn't have a lot of questions when Soda came out
-johnny is one of those lucky bastards that naturally looks masculine so he passes almost immediately
-he never gets out of his baggy clothes and flanels phase (me projecting)
-every single member of the gang makes him take his binder off after 8 hours
"Comon Dall just a little while longer? Please"
"Jonnycakes we can do this the easy way or the hard way now it dont matter to me but i gotta fealing you're not gonna like the hard way"
-eventually Johnny starts to feel more comfortable around the gang without it
-if he's in public though he doesn't give a fuck what dallys "hard way" is he will be wearing that binder
-while Soda usually experiences her transness through euphoria Johnny usually experiences his through disphoria
Another TW for SH and Suicidal thoughts ill let you know when it ends
-he has a tendency towards SH
-one time dally found him attempting to give himself top surgery and he had actually gotten pretty far
-Dally was horrified he's no stranger to blood and violence but it was really bad
-Johnnys gotten a lot better but there was one point where they hid all the knives and did there best to have somebody with him at all times
-Darry has had to grab his hands and hold him super tight before
-Dally had a really hard time sleeping during this time he made Johnny stay with him and he just watches Johnny sleep.
-Dally was just terrified he was gonna lose Johnny over something as stupid as how the world sees him
Major TW over
-on major dysphoria days he really just wants to be left alone.
-he mainly just sleeps on those days
-the whole gang tries to help but sometimes you just have to feel your feels you know
-he cries because of it sometimes and that just makes the dysphoria worse which makes him cry more (me too me too)
-Johnny absolutely loves it when the boys roughhouse with him cause it makes him feel like they really see him as a guy
Ok i feel like if i keep talking about Johnny im ether gonna start crying or just spill every bit of information about my transness. anyway i hope you enjoyed
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