#but i was 12 when i started burn your fat with me

[troycattribunny]

Me getting into otome games -> irreversible damage to my relationship with food

[stararch4ngelqueen]

Overachiever

—

Time Written-12:01 a.m.

Jason Todd/fem!reader smut (gave up looking for an image for this guy so yea)

—

Faint blotches of muted blues and crooked gray shadows shroud your closed eyes, your heartbeat drumming in your head. Loud, thick gurgles ring in your ears, forcing all thoughts from your head.

Short, guttural grunts erupted above you. The sting along your scalp from a fistful of hair being clutched helped control your involuntary speed, coming to a sudden halt.

“I said,” his voice breaches through your muddled mind. “Keep those eyes open.”

On demand, you do so. Your watery eyes opening to a blurred vision of him; a rugged, sweat dampened mess, still clad in his leather uniform.

His hand eases off the back of your neck, allowing you to pull yourself off his fat, curved cock with a loud, lung expanding gasp. You cough after short chokes, a mix of spit and thick precum dribbling down your chin, seeping in between the valley of your breasts through your own suit.

“Look at you,” Jason huffs, guiding his heavy cock again to press against your glistening lips, feeling a sparkling pride over your ruined makeup.

“Pretty little whore. Y’see that?” He questions, guiding your head with his free hand to gaze down at him in question, focusing on the faint ring of bright red lipstick marking a good three quarters along the length.

“You’re getting better at this, Princess,” he breathlessly chuckles, tapping your outer cheek with his drenched dick.

“Bet your throat hurts, huh? Be honest.” His question has you nodding without much thought, feeling the muscles in your neck tingling after getting bullied and bruised by an eagerly horny vigilante.

“Tsk tsk. New hole’s just getting used to me, sweetheart,” Jason cooes with highly detectable mockery before leaning down, grasping your chin with two fingers to have you look at him, taking in his crinkled, amused expression.

“All that big talk when you’re stealing shit, now you got nothing to say.” After a condescending chuckle, Jason traps you in a hot, tongue heavy kiss, feeling himself throbbing at the sounds of your measly little whimpers.

“Aww, What’s the matter? Too fucked out already?” He whispers in between short pecks, swiping off a hint of spit along your chin before bringing it towards his lips, sucking the digit clean.

“Maybe it’s a little too much for ya,” Jason insists in a second guess attempt, fighting back a smirk from your growing eyes loaded up with denial. “Bit too big for you to take—“

“N-no!” You insist, your once balled up fists reaching up to grasp along his wrists. “I can do it, I know I can. Please, Jay.”

“Easy, easy. Fun’s barely starting, babygirl.” Jason displays his full smile, sharp teeth making an appearance with his chuckle.

Alongside pride, he was still giddy that he got you to agree to this.

“I know you wanna make me happy. Know you wanna earn your little reward.”

A hot, gushy load down your throat became your solid priority in an instant. Jason had that ability to suddenly render you absolutely starving in seconds, manipulating you into wanting what hadn’t come to mind before.

Your answer was a solid nod, eyes glowing in anticipation to further please him. His heavy palm clasps your throat in a snug hold, holding your head in place. His voice is low, quiet and lustful, but you hear him loud and clear.

“Tell you what,” Jason proposes with a quirk in his brow. “You take all of me; every last inch, an’ I’ll give you what you want.”

Eagerness leaves you automatically agreeing; pretty, kiss swollen lips with a pretty pink tongue eager to lap at the fat bead that threatened to drip off his length.

“That what you want, pretty girl?” He questions. “Want to make me happy? Wan’ me to make you come?”

You feel your whole body heating up from the fire that's burning deep inside you; your pussy painfully untouched and drenched. Jason promised he’d give you what you wanted if you played along in being a pretend thief, the motivation keeping you barely stable as it is.

It was like your brain was hard-wired to urge him towards his release. Or, maybe the mix of arousal and oxygen deprivation swirling around in your head was making you more submissive to set your own desires aside for him.

Eagerly nodding was your only form of answer, but Jason would gladly take it.

“Prove it then,” His hands leave your neck and head, settling them back along his sides. “Show me.”

Adjusting your sore knees against crooked gravel, you greedily lap up the fat, clear bead of precum that called your name, the saltiness drowning your tastebuds.

He lets out a short groan, brows furrowing slightly as he watches a bit of himself disappear between your lipstick smeared lips. His hum rumbles low in his chest as you bob your head back and forth at a steady pace, swirling along him with your tongue.

He's quickly drunk off of your persistent eagerness to please him, peering up at him through wet lashes. You were more focused on his reactions, watching his head slightly raise, threatening to tilt back if he wasn’t so stubborn to watch every second of it.

You looked a gorgeous sight already as you changed direction, pressing your glistening lips along the underside of his heavy cock, feeling the majority of his heavy dick rest along your face, settling against the corner of your cheek, nestled beside the small grove of your nostril.

A perfect picture to capture the memory, if it occurred to him to pull out his phone. His obedient, needy girl eager to please whenever he needed you.

He's panting harder now, shoulders rising quicker with his slightly labored breathing.

“Ready?” He had the decency to ask, waiting for your muffled hum in response before grasping hold of himself.

“Open.”

You obey, sticking out your pretty tongue.

“Eyes on me,” he taps the fat head along the muscle at least three times, too impatient to warn you of what happens if they close.

His hips lurch forward, sliding himself deep in your throat with a relieved groan. He fills your mouth up easily, his tip pushing past something hard in your throat until he's blocking your airways. You try to settle your reflex, nearly choking on him at the start.

Your soaking wet lips slowly passed where you last reached, your nose brushing against thick curls at his base, taking in his musk while choking on cock, hooking your fingers over the tight harnesses securing his meaty thighs.

You furrow your brows, trying your best to keep your throat from rejecting him, but you're not able to hold him there for long before you choke.

The vibrations left him shivering, watching spit bubble from the corners of your mouth, dripping slowly down your chin and neck, disappearing down your constricting suit zipper.

“That’s it,” he grunts, his head tilting back in pure, raw pleasure, feeling his balls tighten with every constrict of your throat as he fucks your face.

Maybe it was his fault, getting off on your vile, arousing gags, your sickly gray tears rolling down your ruined face. The ultimate ego boost, nothing could ever top this.

You could've cared less of the mess you became, focused on him and his pleasure alone. His deep, aggressively hot tone serenaded through your brain like melted dark chocolate, leaving you addicted for more.

A rich, heavy moan left his mouth, vibrating through his chest as his head tilts back, Adam’s apple bobbing with thin beads of sweat as the nightly breeze bats against his shivering skin.

The sight of those gorgeously shiny lips clenching along the base of his drenched dick left him teetering on the very edge, your eyes watering from the sheer size of him being a bit too much for you to take.

Jason raised you higher up on his cock, nearly forcing your buckling knees off the ground.

The sounds that came from your pretty little mouth as you reached your limit, forcing you to take more than you were used to were vile and filthy, but he loved every second of it. A private symphony just for him alone.

“Nice and messy, babygirl,” Jason rasps out, glancing down at your flushed face with heavy lidded eyes.

“Gonna clean up that messy little pussy,” he murmured through heavy panting, reinforcing his interlocked fingers behind your head. “Then fuck those wet tits next.”

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #24

Diavolo: I think we as a species should go back to saying “alas”

Leviathan: It’s like “yikes”… but with culture

Simeon: Yikes, poor yorick!

•

Leviathan: Guys I just realized the last supper was the first murder mystery dinner!

MC: My Roman Catholic parents did not find this as funny and thought provoking as I did

•

Solomon: I will cast a spell to make you have a good day

It is done

Raphael: Burn the witch

•

Solomon: There are five frogs staring at me right now

Asmodeus: But only one can be America’s next top model

•

MC: Bone massage…I want soft bones

Thirteen: No you don’t, bitch

MC: *jiggles and flops towards you* what? Huh?

•

Asmodeus: I have HRE (Hopeless Romantic Energy)

Solomon: I have HRE (Holy Roman Empire)

Beelzebub: Hambu Rg Er

•

Luke: Um u “like classical music” but you can’t even name any 2012 one direction songs? Okay

Mammon: This post physically hurts

Leviathan: Looks like we got a fake fan here fellas

Raphael: *sighs* should we exorcise them or just simply baptise them?

Leviathan: Are you calling me fat?

•

Mammon: You know what? I like you guys

Luke: Hey thanks! Can’t say the same for you

Mammon: I will chew the legs off your chair

•

Leviathan: I can’t be trusted with a large stick

Lucifer: You simply aren’t strong enough to handle the power of the stick

Leviathan: The power of the stick corrupts my mind with thoughts of bonk

•

MC: I swear to god middle school is a terrible concept. You trap all the angriest, most hormonal teens at their angriest age in a box and let them fight to the death and then Ms. Allen, the bitch makes you learn MATH, right after you got done watching two kids shank each other in the bathroom, like I can’t focus on this is just saw to kids go gladiatorial combat in front of people pissing

Diavolo: You live in the US don’t you

MC: OBVIOUSLY

•

Leviathan: Imagine if we all just started ignoring celebrities tho

Solomon: I can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. Imagine Kylie Jenner posting a selfie n it gets 12 likes

•

Mammon: Country road

Leviathan: Let’s-a-go

Solomon: It’s-a-me

Luke: Mario

Satan: I admire and hate this simultaneously

Belphegor: Mamma miaaaaaaaa

•

Belphegor: Sometimes I think it would be beneficial to my self-growth to get lost in a cave for 7 days, surviving on moisture algae and my own thoughts until I find a dim light against the black stone and make my escape. I think I’d figure some shit out in a cave like that.

Mammon: That is WEIRDLY specific

Diavolo: I can arrange this

•

Leviathan: I don’t understand, are are you implying being trans in better than being a Kpop star?

Asmodeus: I’m not implying it, I’m saying it explicitly

Satan: This post feels like when you’re walking down a street and catch a glimpse of a conversation. What the fuck lead up to this?

•

MC: Behind every girl boss is another bigger girl boss

Leviathan: They call this a pyramid scheme I think

Mammon: I think they prefer the term MLM

Asmodeus: I think you’re thinking of wlw

Mephistopheles: Wulti level Warketing scheme

Thirteen: Good work, gals

Last • Next

[dearly-somber]

Heat Stroke | j.jk

-> pairing. wolf shifter!jungkook x human!reader (f)

-> genre. slow burn, fluff, eventual romance, mutual (👀) pining, f2l (friends-to-lovers) humor, found family, high school!au, eventual smut

-> rating. 13+

-> w/c. 836

-> warnings. Nothing other than some suggestiveness I think

-> a/n. This is my favorite installment :>

-> collection. mini-series

-> started. Oct. 26th, 2022 @ 13:34

-> fin. Sat., Jun. 10th, 2023 @ 23:04

-> edited. Tues., Nov. 14th, 2023 @ 12:44

-> divider credit. @mmadeinheavenn

There’s always that one summer-day where it’s so hot you genuinely think the only way to escape the heat would be to somehow remove your skin and then everything underneath it.

Today is that day. And you just so happen to be spending it with an equally uncomfortably-sweaty shifter named Jeon Jungkook.

His white tank top sticks to his skin as sweat (quite literally) drips down his exposed sides. His thighs strain against a pair of black basketball shorts, and his comforter lay kicked off the side of the bed to make as much room for fresh air as possible.

You lay in a similar state: your short-shorts barely cover the top halves of your thighs and you’ve rolled your tank-top until just below your breasts in an effort to leave as much of your sweaty skin open to the single fan placed desperately at the foot of the bed.

“I’m gonna die,” Jungkook moans loudly, throwing an arm over his face. You look over at him with an amused snort. His shirt has ridden up, showing off the skin at his waist.

You try and glide your eyes quickly over the sight of his abs so he doesn’t notice you staring.

You watch as a drop of sweat runs down his side and resist the urge to push your hand under the slit in his shirt to run your palm over his stomach. You shake your head free of that fantasy immediately, blaming your inappropriate train of thoughts on heat stroke. (A more honest part of yourself knows it’s because seeing Jungkook sweaty and frustrated is doing things to you.)

“I hate summer,” you groan, turning on your stomach in an effort to air out the sweat collecting between your shoulder blades and the small of your back.

“I wish the river was closer.” Jungkook sighs, his eyes still covered by his arm. He grabs one side of the waistband of his shorts and pushes it down until it���s barely around his hips. Your eyes glue themselves to his v-line for a few seconds before you force them closed.

“No way in hell I’m walking an hour in this heat to go swimming,” you say. Your heat-stroked brain comes up with the tempting idea to strip yourself down to your underthings. It’s not like you have anything to be embarrassed about—you’re wearing a matching set of underwear, and though you have some fat around your lower abdomen (uterus-wielder things, amiright?), you’ve never been too bothered by it. Especially not when you’re getting so hot you feel like you’re about to melt into a Y/N-shaped puddle of sweat.

Besides, it’s not like you’re trying to impress anybody…

You briefly open your eyes and deduce that Jungkook isn’t faring much better. His shorts sit dangerously low on his hips (you swear he pushed them down even further) and he has a hand up his shirt, over his stomach.

You really couldn’t give fewer craps when you say, “Okay, fuck this shit,” and sit up to pull your shirt over your head, leaving you in only a black sports bra. As much as you wish you could take them off, you decide to keep your shorts on for the sake of decency (and societal standards for states-of-undress with your completely platonic male best friend).

“Just take off your shirt, Kook,” you say as you lay down again, already feeling much better without your shirt sticking to your skin.

“You could’ve just asked if you wanted to see me shirtless.” Jungkook grins, sitting up to reach behind him and tug his shirt over his head. He sighs when the cool-ish air from the fan hits his sides and chest, laying back down next to you.

“Ha ha.” You roll your eyes. Trust in Jungkook to be an annoying (albeit correct) little shit even in 37°C (98,6°F) heat. “Don’t get too excited, pup.”

He turns to look at you and whines. “I wish you wouldn’t call me that.”

“Why not?” You don’t bother hiding the incredulousness in your voice. “It’s cute! It’s better than bunny.” You nudge his bicep with your elbow.

He scoffs. “Bunny fits you perfectly.”

“Yeah? Name one thing that makes me a bunny.” You push yourself onto your elbow so you can look at him better.

“You’re skittish and jump at the smallest sounds—almost more than Jin hyung does. When you chew you chew quickly and kind of to the side of your cheek. When someone calls you, you look up in the way rabbits do when they think they heard something dange—“

You gently push his cheek to the side, unable to stop your smile at his adorably delighted giggle. “Okay, okay, I get it. You can stop, now.”

He grins and closes his eyes, his hands intertwined on his lower stomach. “Whatever you say, Bunny.”

You scrunch your nose disapprovingly. “If anything, you’re the bunny with your cute little nose scrunches and bunny smiles—“

“You think I’m cute?”

“Jeon Jungkook I swear—”

<- prev | next ->

[katerinaaqu]

Survivor's Guilt and Survivor's Duty (P1)

Odysseus was hungry. That much he knew. Gods were really cruel with them the days that went through. He had returned from yet another hunt without any success. Not even a single rabbit was visible to Helios’s island. He was already feeling weary and light-headed with hunger; which was why he thought he was hallucinating when he smelt the finest smell of roasting meat he ever met in his life. However it took him no more than two brain cells of his infamous mind to connect the dots and realize what had happened.

“No! Gods no, let it be not what I think it is! Please gods no!”

His legs grew wings as he began sprinting towards the direction of the smell.

“Why did you lull me to that pointless sleep?! Why! It was all to ruin me? To ruin them?!”

He ran with all the strength of his feet to the field only to find what he hoped in all gods he believed in to be a hallucination. He saw what remained of his men from that eventful 3 year journey having lit a fire and roasting a fine cow to the pike, happy and well-fed. In the past days his men just broke. They could withstand hunger no longer and understandably they had only one source of nutrition on that island; those fat, well-kept cows that seemed to be mocking them. Of course his men would do that! Odysseus could not blame them and yet he pulled his long hair in desperation seeing the scene.

“ARE YOU ALL MENTAL? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MINDS?!” he yelled desperately drawing their attention, “I told you not to do that! These sacred animals will be our doom!”

Eurylochus, his trusted commander came forward. His eyes were full of snare and gathered anger.

“Captain,” he started, “did you expect us to starve to death? Not even one little bird was flying around and all the grass in this place turned poisonous for us! We would die anyways! This time we were doomed either way!”

The loud voice of the furious man was cut off from the sound of flesh striking against flesh and then Eurylochus’s head turned to the side. Odysseus was huffing and puffing; nostrils flattering aflame as he gathered his strong hand back.

“You fools!” he growled tears burning his onyx eyes, “you damned fools! This was a test! A test for our faith and we failed! We failed miserably! Haven’t you learnt anything? Insulting the gods is never a good idea! We should rather die of starvation than this! The gods will show no mercy on us now! We are doomed!”

“You would know of that!” Eurylochus suddenly bellowed beyond himself, “You doomed us all, Odysseus! If you haven’t done that we would be in our country by now! These three years happened because of you!”

This time it was a punch that stroke his cheek, not a slap. Eurylochus fell on the sand but he had no time to breathe for Odysseus grabbed him by the shirt lifting him up to his feet again. The comrades rushed there to grab him (oh they remembered his rage the other time nearly cost Eurylochus his life!) however Odysseus was almost as unmovable as a statue at that point. His face was red with fury.

“I tried to save us all!” he yelled, “Ungrateful bastard, I tried to save us all! I faced the beast that could have eaten us all! After everything I did for you! I-…”

He stopped. He shivered from top to bottom. Eurylochus was right. All had happened because of him. He had insulted Poseidon by blinding his son; he was arrogant enough to brag about it…no, even further back; Troy fell because of him. So many men died because of him. Ten years they fought a brutal war; they had endured the weather, the living conditions, the battles… More than 600 men started and finished the war with barely any loss…and now…less than 3 years out in the sea and… They started 12 ships and now they were one…less than 40 men left in one final ship…and all was initiated because of him…he could not deny it. He found no words to defend himself. Gradually he let go of Eurylochus, who wiped the blood off his lip with his fist. He noticed his men had gathered around to separate them from each other but it didn’t seem necessary anymore. The comrades had let him go, noticing he was almost limb in their arms. His onyx eyes were bottomless. No, it shouldn’t end like that! He had committed hubris to save his men and he doomed them, he had forced himself to bed a woman for one year after gods requested to rectify it and yet here they were again. None of the sacrifices seemed to be enough to wash that sin away. No, he couldn’t let them die like that! He had to try! He had promised he would repent! He had to save them before that happened!

“Gather up your stuff, men!” he ordered, eyes still shadowed by his hair, “We must go as soon as possible!”

“Go?” Polites asked, “Go where?”

“At ANY land!” Odysseus whispered, “Anywhere but here! We must offer a sacrifice of some kind! We must wash away this hubris!”

As he turned his back at them –oh he couldn’t face them now!- Eurylochus stood up and looked at him with eyes resembling knives.

“Should we take the rest of the meat too…Captain?” that word was almost spat like an insult, “Or shall we hope Poseidon will grace us with a meal?”

Odysseus winced. Eurylochus; his brave and loyal friend; the type of person that sure, didn’t tell him always nice things but he was always honest with him and always told him some things that needed to be said; now he seemed gone; All their adventures and torments had hardened him, killing his old comrade and giving him  in his place a bitter, hateful man who could understand no longer the difference between insolence, disrespect and honesty or couldn’t care less to tell them apart. Odysseus couldn’t blame him but at that moment he found his transformation disturbing and concerning. He glared daggers at him. The mention of the meat of the slain animals made even his mouth water. He was hungry too. They wouldn’t survive without food and yes, Poseidon sure wouldn’t allow them to fill their bellies with his fish given the situation and the sea birds even if they graced them with their presence, which he doubted, were inedible and poisonous. Gods forgive me, he thought, but I am just a man!

“Damn you!” he cursed under his husky breath, “Take what you wish! If we survive this, pray to all gods that I will forget this because by all gods one day I’m gonna kill you!”

He could hardly remember the process but he knew they were on their way again; so fast and so hastily inside their last black ship in the openness of the Mediterranean Sea. If it was in his hand, Odysseus would have stayed close to the shore but of course gods were cruel for yet another time as Helios’s magnificent isle lay in the middle of open sea. He had no choice but to head for the sea and hope for the best. He knew there were lands close by; if they could reach them… For six days the trip was uneventful and his comrades had as provisions the meat from the slain animals to feast upon. Even Odysseus had to admit he had tasted the magnificent flesh of the animals, for he could withstand hunger no more. However six days of such a trip and he was always expecting the worst, which never seemed to be coming. His nerves just broke. It was the seventh day of their journey; still no sight of any land and still he hadn’t spoken a word. He was staring at the endless blue of the wine-dark sea and he didn’t speak a word. He could sense his comrades’ tension in the air; he could almost cut it with a knife! And yet, Odysseus could not focus on that. Polites looked up from the deck towards him and then towards Eurylochus who still had his cheek swollen.

“He’s so lost in thought…” Polites commented

“He should be!” Eurylochus replied bitterly, “He might be our king but sometimes he has a lot of nerve to talk to us that way! It was HIS hubris that brought us to this position!”

“Now that is both unfair and blasphemous to our king!” Polites replied

“He is no god for me to perform blasphemy!” Eurylochus replied as a matter of fact

Polites sighed.

“We have our own share of responsibility, you know! If we hadn’t opened that damned sack we might have reached home as well!”

Eurylochus winced at the reminder of Aiolus sack. Yes, that truly was their mistake. They got overcome by greed and distrust.

“And, besides, what Odysseus said is true. You and I were never there. We didn’t experience the week of seclusion in that hole. Perhaps we would have done the same…”

Eurylochus sighed defeated.

“Yeah…perhaps you’re right. And he DID spend a year entertaining Circe till our comrades healed… However…” his face darkened a bit, “I still cannot shake it off, Polites! It is majorly his fault we ended up like this! And he DID keep secrets from us. Or have you forgotten how he kept his mouth shut about Skylla? Six of our comrades dead…and we didn’t even know what was coming…”

“He wanted to spare us…”

“Yeah I am sure he suffered, alright, but we still had the right to know! Perhaps we could have come up with a plan together. Perhaps we could have fought back!”

“Fight back an immortal six-headed dragon? I am not sure how that would have worked but…even if you are right and he should have told us, that doesn’t change the fact that he is here with us now. If he wanted he could have stayed with the witch, Circe and sent us off and we would have no directions and no warnings.”

“He didn’t do that for us, Polites”

“Not entirely, I agree, but wouldn’t be fair to say that he did it for us as well?”

Eurylochus sighed.

“Fine, but seriously it was such a long trip and even longer way… I just want to go home!”

“We all do…” Polites whispered concerned.

Yes, ten years of war plus three years of wandering and danger…more than five hundred good men dead… Everyone could understand the feeling.

“I agree with Eurylochus, though…” said another man, “It was all a big mess that initiated when Odysseus insulted Lord Poseidon. I had warned him that day! I said, stop provoking him! He didn’t listen… We are all paying the price now…”

Polites sighed. Yes, he couldn’t deny that but still it seemed rather unfair to say it was just Odysseus’s fault. If anything, Odysseus was sacrificing many things along the way to protect and save them. He shivered in disgust remembering that he was told he had turned into a swine because he entered Circe’s palace. He felt grateful to Odysseus for rescuing him from such a fate. And yet… He still couldn’t shake that ominous feeling that something would happen and Odysseus’s silence wouldn’t help. Not bearing it any longer he slowly approached Odysseus. He didn’t acknowledge his presence. The silence was deafening. Only the cricking of the ship and the sound of the waves could be heard. There was no land at sight anywhere. It was quiet…WAY too quiet…

“Odysseus…” Polites started, “we…”

“Sh!” Odysseus harshly shushed him

“Please, I have to say it…” Polites insisted, “We were starving we made a mistake but-…”

“Quiet!” came yet another whisper

Polites gulped soundly, opening and closing his fist nervously.

“Odysseus…” he started, “Have we ruined everything…?”

Odysseus looked at him and he seemed ready to reply but then he raised his head sharply towards the sail and then to the ripples of the waves. All color left his face.

“Odysseus…? What is it…?”

“That is Eastern Wind…” Odysseus whispered almost in a panic, “That is Zephyr that is blowing at us! That’s not normal! Not at this time of year!”

He almost jumped from his standing point, suddenly seen afraid maybe for the first time in a long time if not ever in his life before.

“MEN! PREPARE YOURSELVES! STORM MIGHT BE COMING!”

His comrades didn’t have enough time to question if he lost it or not (given the clear skies around them) because in a few minutes the weather changed so drastically and rapidly that people could only suspect a god was causing it. Black clouds filled the sky in a matter of a few minutes and then suddenly the distant sound of a thunder was heard.

“No…” Odysseus whispered, “No…please, lord Zeus no! Forgive us…please!”

Strong winds raised as a matter of seconds and suddenly the deep blue sea turned into a full-fledged storm. The waves rose in angry white foam and the skies were black like coal with flashes of lightning and thunder. Rain followed that was cold and whipping their faces like needles. The men cried out in fear.

“EURYLOCHUS!” Odysseus bellowed on top of his lungs, “SECURE THE SAIL!”

“SECURE THE SAILS!” Eurylochus transferred the order, “ALL HANDS ON DECK!”

The panic galore was not allowing the orders to properly pass however the soul of the sailor cannot be abided by panic! All hands on deck began to work frantically; they commenced running up and down grabbing the chords and the lines, some of them already climbing to the mast to secure the sail. However it seemed the rage of gods was stronger than the determination of men and their burning wish for survival. A strong current of wind torn the sail to peaces sending quite a few falling on the deck.

“LEAVE IT!” Odysseus yelled as a strong wave splashed over him, “BEFORE THE WIND! HOLD ON TIGHTLY MEN!”

As the ship was played around on the waves like a toy, the terrified warriors and tired sailors would be desperately trying to use the rows to turn the ship; do something, ANYTHING to prevent themselves from crushing on the waves. The sail was now torn to shreds; like the cape of a dethroned king, aimlessly whipping against the mast at the strong wind.

“BEFORE THE WIND!” Odysseus kept screaming over the wind, grabbing the line of the sail in a desperate attempt to keep the material from hitting anyone on deck, “ROW MEN! ROW!”

The ship was being pushed mercilessly upon the waves; creaking and moaning against the wind. Three pairs of rows snapped like twigs leaving the ship spinning aimlessly to the winds. The black ship began to tear apart as cracks and gushes appeared to the sides. The deck started taking water both from below and above from the waves.

“SHE’S TAKING WATER!” one of the sailors cried

“REPAIR THE DAMAGES!” Odysseus cried out in desperation running as he was already ankle-deep in water, “WE MUST KEEP HER AFLOAT!”

It was a pointless order and he knew it. No matter how many times they stuffed torn pieces of the sail in the holes it would be pointless. They were already soaked to the bone, they had no way of lighting fire or softening the wax to fix anything. They were just trying to delay the inevitable and they were failing miserably.

“Lord Zeus…father of all mankind and gods please forgive us!” Odysseus prayed again, “Please, we shall repent! Give us a chance! Poseidon! Oh, Poseidon, please give me a chance!”

The disturbing creaking of wood being slowly broken didn’t need much for Odysseus to understand.

“WATCH OUT!” he cried out

Both the fore-stays of the mast snapped like twigs. The mast began to fall in a disturbing creak and collapsed to the stern. The pilot did not have time but to look up at his upcoming doom as the mast crushed him. Even above the tempest the men heard the disturbing sound of bones breaking as his head was crushed and blood splattered upon the stern. The body fell into the black sea, lifeless and soulless. At the sight of that death there was panic galore. No one heard the orders Odysseus was screaming; no one had any mind but to run up and down aimlessly like ants that were seeing their colony collapse. All they could do was scream their upcoming doom. In a foolish hope or rather a crazy need to survive, Odysseus rushed to the half-broken stern, grabbing the remains of the steer; his hands being died with the blood of the pilot.

“No! No! NO!”

He used all the strength of his mighty hands to do something…ANYTHING to steer the ship away the storm. His hands began bleeding out of the effort upon the splints of the destroyed wood.

“Gods no! Not again! No! No!”

The waves were raising the ship to the heaven and dropping it back down like a walnut shell as people were holding for dear life at the remains of their already tearing apart ship. The steer snapped in the hands of Odysseus and fell into the black sea never to be seen again.

“PREPARE FOR IMPACT!” Odysseus cried out, “HOLD ON!”

Therewith the worst came; a thunderbolt stroke the ship and the sudden flash and tremendous sound left them all blind and deaf. Odysseus screamed in pain shielding his ears. The ship cracked from side to side down in the middle; splintering in the winds like it was a pile of leaves. Ears buzzing and his nose filled with smoke from the fiery fire that lit upon the sad remains of the deck, Odysseus staggered to his feet, struggling to get two steps straight, trying to see through the sulphurous smoke (the only thing he could see was his comrades or what was left of them staggering on the ruins of their ship like drunk) when the last tidal wave came to finish the job. The wave must have been as tall as the remains of the ship as it flooded with tremendous force on the deck sweeping everything…and everyone! Odysseus got violently banged against the hull but he watched in terror through his cloudy from water eyes his comrades falling into the water screaming aimlessly for it was the only thing they could do.

“NOOOOOO!” Odysseus could only cry out as he ran to the rim

He watched the bodies of his men almost like small white dots to the absolute blackness; already almost a mile away, sometimes disappearing under the waves at the force of the tempest. Odysseus nearly lost the remains of his wits as he ran about the ship trying to find literally ANYTHING he could use. Another surge torn apart parts of the keel and the mast snapped from it. Odysseus reacted almost automatically as he rushed to the broken ropes and parts of the keel and mast. His hands and thick fingers began working frantically, almost completely unconsciously as water was hurting his eyes and rain was feeling as if piercing his flesh. All his Being was screaming for him to save himself; to survive! However that tiny part of his brain was tingling to him; maybe there are some men who are still alive! Maybe there is time!

“Please Athena! Please Athena…let me save them! It can’t be too late!” he was mumbling as he was securing the ropes so that the two pieces of wood would tie together, “Please, Pallas please! Let me save just one! Please! Let me return home just one! Please! Please! It can’t be too late! I can’t lose them all!”

Yet another thunder from the skies made him jump and then the remains of his favorite ship were torn apart! Odysseus grabbed upon his last raft of salvation. He jumped into the merciless ocean, rowing frantically with his hand towards the direction he saw his men disappear.

“EURYLOCHUS!” he cried out over the waves, “POLITES! ANYONE! ANSWER ME!”

The only answer he got was thunder and wind. The waves were tall like mountains!

“POLITES!” he called out again

Tears filled his eyes as his voice broke.

“SOMEONE!...P-Please! Anyone! Anyone…!”

There was nothing on site…just waves and storm.

“No…” Odysseus cried, “NOOOOOOOO!!!”

Realization was crueler than what he would expect…there was no one…just himself! He cried…he cried loudly as he never cried before.

“NOOO! WHY! WHY! WHY!” he yelled over the waves, “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN-…”

His mind and wits nearly escaped him. He remembered that day before their sail for Troy…there were more than six hundred men…waiting for their dangerous trip…

*

Odysseus was standing before his men; the future fleet that was ready for this uncertain trip. Odysseus, dressed in his fine clothes, his long hair neatly brushed and beard trimmed, was looking at them seriously.

“We are heading for a dangerous trip, my men…” he said, “The road is long and we have no idea how long it will take for us to finish with the holy castle of Troy… If we result in war…there is no guarantee it will end soon…”

His onyx eyes stared deeply within countless others of pairs.

“I cannot lie to you, men…I cannot promise you that we shall all return home safely”

He drew a deep breath.

“However I promise you this; I shall do ANYTHING within my power so we can return home safely! I won’t disappoint you!”

*

Back to the present Odysseus cried. He weakly hit his fist upon the mast.

“No…” he sobbed, “I won’t disappoint you…!”

Six hundred men…they were all gone…disappeared… He began hyperventilating. No, it couldn’t be true!

“No…No, Athena! No Athena!” he cried trying to fist the water beneath him as if it were sand, “No, Pallas…! No… No, my men…! NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO!”

He yelled till his throat was sore…till his voice was gone…he sobbed and cried tears almost as plenty as the waves of the sea. The storm was roaming around him… There was no one there to hear his lament… His voice was carried around by the wind…his tears were washed away by sea and rain…His body was borne by the direful winds…

Six hundred men had started that fateful journey…

Now there was only one…

Now he was alone.

*

The tempest began slowly to subside and the eastern wind gave his place to a breeze from the south. Odysseus was hanging helplessly upon his supposed raft. The nightly fight with the waves had exhausted him and his tears had long now dried out like the salt in his curly hair. His head was already dropping in fatigue when something made him look up. His eyes widened in terror.

“No…” he whispered

He recognized the location. In his pure terror he recognized the narrow path of Skylla and Charybdis; the passage he had struggled so much to get his men out of; the passage that cost the life of six of his comrades. What was worse…he heard an unworldly moan from deep down the sea. His feet felt the low frequency vibration…and then there was a whirlpool. Charybdis had awakened!

“No!” Odysseus cried out, “No, gods, no!”

The merciless current and the frightening groaning from deep down the sea started drawing him. Odysseus at the edge of his wit began frantically rowing with his hand; desperate in his fear to get away from the deathly current that would suck anything to its path! At that moment he remembered Circe’s warnings;

“You must not be there when she sucks it down; for no one could save you from the ruin not even the Earthshaker himself…”

“I HAVE TO TRY, CIRCE!” Odysseus yelled towards the sky in his panic, “I have to try or else my men’s deaths were for nothing!”

The merciless current though wouldn’t bulge as Odysseus realized in terror his pitiful attempts could never save him from this hellish force. The two pieces of wood that were forming his only salvation were being dragged in the ruthless elix. The water was already foaming when he reached the grotto. In panic he scanned the perimeter. Only then his eyes remembered what his brain had erased in fear; the fig tree! Circe had said there was that fig tree shadowing Charybdis! The massive roots and branches were hanging over him; it was his only hope! With strength only panic and adrenaline could give him, Odysseus pushed himself on top of the last remains of his ship and kicked as hard as he could. He had only one chance. His wounded and red hands grasped for dear life onto the rough branches and thank goodness his fingers closed around them!

“ARGH!” Odysseus cried in pain feeling as though his arms would be uprooted out of his own weight, “GODS!”

His legs helplessly hanging over the abyss were desperately moving trying to find a footing but there was none! His arms didn’t have the strength to pull him up at the tree either so he could only hang and hold for dear life. Odysseus dared to look down and saw in terror the gaping hole sucking in the sea and with it his only safety raft. His wet hands would slip and fall if it weren’t for the sheer determination that held him! He prayed to all gods that he knew and didn’t know that this time, just this time, he would find salvation; that his small raft would be vomited out of that whirlpool otherwise he would be lost… The growling rumble from beneath the watery abyss signaled the begin of the outside movement to what it seemed like an eternity later.

“Please gods…please…please…” he was thinking like a mantra

And then he spotted it! The small brownish outline of his mast and keel. He would have a chance! Fear was biting his stomach as he looked down at the whirlpool vomiting out seawater. He knew he had to act quickly or he would have no hope to swim to his raft in that condition. Charybdis below him seemed ready to swallow him even if she was vomiting out the water. What if she really swallowed him if he let go? What if he would be destroyed by some wave? Odysseus looked and looked and the seconds seemed like eons to his tormented heart that was flattering within his chest. He shut his eyes closed; to not see; to not fear and he made his decision

He let go of the branch.

Gravity claimed his body as he fell to the empty space and within the foaming water. The water was hot; hotter than human body temperature and to the tormented king of Ithaca who was freezing from water that seemed like a boiling cauldron. His ears were filled with the sound of bubbles and the hellish growling of Charybdis. He didn’t dare to look; only he paddled like his life depended on it (and it did!) . The suction force that was pushing him upwards this time was with him. Odysseus felt his lungs burning for air and he nearly breathed in the sea water as he hadn’t got a proper breath before diving in the sea. And he was pushed up and up till he was vomited out of the water and drew a soundly breath. He swam frantically till his raft and grabbed onto it with his wounded hands for dear life coughing salted water; nose and eyes aflame from the salt. He rowed and rowed with his hand almost immediately after he caught some breaths. He turned around towards the OTHER dreadful site.

“If Skylla comes out…I’m lost!” he thought

However the dreadful cave that hosted the monster that claimed the lives of six of his crew remained dark and silent. Nothing came out. Odysseus wasted no time and rowed and paddled like crazy to get as far away as possible from that dreadful area. He didn’t know how far Charybdis or Skylla’s ranges were but he certainly didn’t want to know! That was knowledge that even Odysseus of Ithaca, the Man of many Ways could pass on! After what seemed like a full eternity and when the sun was setting for good at the horizon, Odysseus had covered enough distance to see the grotto from afar. He collapsed onto his mast, drawing raspy breaths till his chest began to hurt. He seemed he had no more strength to move. His hands were full of wounds from the ship and the tree branches and hurt from salted water, his lips were torn from the sea and salt had crusted onto his face and hair. Then Odysseus broke down. He cried silently alone in the middle of the sea; he cried for his men he lost, he cried for his dreams that seemed to becoming fainter and fainter; the dreams to embrace his wife and son and he cried for himself. He had barely any hope to survive. He had no men; sea had claimed them. He had no vessel; the storm had claimed it. He had no food or water; those were gone long time ago. He barely had any clothes on for even those were soaked and already tearing apart from the wind and sea. What was the point to keep going, he thought? What would be the point to struggle? He had slim to no possibilities to escape. He was alone in the open sea without protection in Poseidon’s territory. Any kind of sea creature from the usual sharks till the dangerous creatures he faced so far, could potentially kill him.

“I should have died there!” he thought, “Alas this fate is worse than the death in the ship! This agony! Oh, gods I can’t bear it anymore!”

“You are made to endure, Odysseus…”

That was what his grandfather had told him when he visited him in Parnassus what seemed like an eternity prior; almost in another life. However even the tormented Odysseus had his limits. And now these seemed surpassed. Maybe he should let go; allow the sea to take him and end his torment. Maybe he could meet his family in a few decades in the underworld… Why struggle for the inevitable? And yet a small voice to the back of his head made him think that he could not give up just yet; that he had to keep trying and if the sea would claim him then so let it be written, so let it be done. However he had to try and fulfill the prophecy of Tiresias. He felt like he owned this to the 600 lives that were lost under his command. He looked up at the stars that seemed to have started to form. Yes, he would follow the directions that the night dress of Nyx was pointing at. Finding strength anew, the Man Tormented paddled slowly and steadily away from the dreadful spot…

*

Odysseus traveled once more; this time alone and grabbing upon the last remains of his beloved black ship… The night came cold and he was shivering. By the morning another storm caught up with him and his mast was once more drifted by the huge waves that resembled white top mountains, tearing apart his clothes and his flesh. And yet his hands endured… It was as if his heart and hands combined turned into oak or stones. The Man of many Torments endured. Next day the sun was merciless over his head, sending him almost to the brief of hallucinations and heat as sweat was running down his already wounded body. The night the gods felt pity on him and sent a drizzle rain. Odysseus raised his head to the heavens trying to grab as much of the fresh god-sent water as if that would be enough to quench his insatiable thirst and the burning of the salt. Once a passing seaweed came close to him to which Odysseus made some sort of imitation of a meal for himself. How many times he nearly slipped off his life-raft he lost count…how many times he probably actually fainted on it he could no longer remember. And yet, the King of Ithaca endured…in strength that he had no idea he had. It was as if both his body and spirit had decided he had a duty to survive. He survived the agony and pain as well as the anxiety and fear every time something touched his foot beneath the waves or a passing fish would bite his legs. He had long stopped feeling much.

By night before the tenth day of his painful journey he had collapsed. He didn’t feel the sand beneath his body as his raft finally beached at a sandy beach. He didn’t move as some crab or beach beetle walked over his sea-beaten body. By dawn some hints of his consciousness returned. It was only for a brief second that the rays of sun touched his salt-crusted cheek but Odysseus saw or at least he thought he saw a tall slender figure picking something up from the beach many meters away from him (maybe a seashell). The figure turned towards him and walked there.

And then everything turned black…

~~~~~

Ooookay guys this the first part from my Odyssey story! Poor Odysseus loses everything and gets beached in Ogygia.

Rhapsody 12 must be the most intense or one of the most intense of all the Odyssey and honest the way that Homer describes how Odysseus survived had to be kept as it was from my part!

Poor Odysseus must have passed from all the stages of grief at once!

Now I get extremely inspired by music and soundtracks for my stories. For example the Charybdis description was heavily inspired by the amazing Disney soundtrack for the movie "Dinosaur" with the title "The End of Our Island"

For his eventful journey I was partially inspired by Mozart's "Kyrie" from the Great Mass in C Minor and also the scene from the film "Les Triplettes de Belville" for the battle with the elements especially the storm and all.

For the sinking itself I was inspired by various soundtracks and pieces of music.

For my story I kinda take the hypothesis that Ogygia was in fact the small island of Gozo in Malta

As the other time I shall tag some of my amazing commentors/rebloggers and friends! (again forgive me if I forget anyone)

@loco-bird @aaronofithaca05 @tunguszka20 @doob-or-something @jarondont @prompted-wordsmith @simugeuge @fangirlofallthefanthings @ilov3b00kss0much

[lexluvswriting]

ꔫ L'autunno.

ꔫ Ch: 5 [last page] [next page]

-> Pairing: Eris x ballet dancer!fem!reader.

-> (CW): x fem!reader (she/her), slow-burn, rivals to lovers, tinkle of angst on occasion, fluff, non-specified identity Summer Court!reader, no specific time in storyline except it's after Amarantha.

-> (TW): um… you guys now like each other ig. KIDDING! romance, pining, Eris opens up a bit, and so do you!! and you both kinda chill and it’s really fluffy.

W/C: 4.4k

╰┈➤ Lex's note: um… hey… me again. i promise i'll sincerely apologising for neglecting you all, but pls accept this fat, juicy peace offering <3 i love a male who has to yearn! as i always say: “to earn the puss, you must yearn the puss” (i only thought of this now, at 12:02 a.m.)

Your eyes widened, a laugh of disbelief leaving your lips as you shook your head, stepping back from him- to prevent from shaking him or kissing him again, you weren’t entirely sure.

“No. No! Absolutely not- Have you not listened to a word I’ve said?”

“Of course I have, and I meant everything I said- and did.” He tried to meet your gaze as you stubbornly looked away, trying to gather your bearings from what the hells had just occurred. He let out a breath, stepping forward with his palms exposed in what looked to be a placating gesture.

“You, my dear, are a radical.”

Your brow raised,

“A revolutionary,” He tried again.

“I don’t think that’s what it-”

His hand grabbed your face easily, as if it fit like a missing piece in his hand, and squished your cheeks to stifle your flat reply,

“Just… Listen to me. Brains like yours cannot be wasted in some- some shoddy little apartment complex. People like you- People with your sense of courage,” He amended after a not-so-silent silent look from you, “Are exactly what I need for when I become High Lord.”

“Huh?” Your eyes bugged out of your head as you finally pulled his hand away from your mouth, too distracted by his sudden shift of thought to even think of walloping him. Since when did you sign up to some lordling’s political campaign?

“You’d be absolutely perfect to meet the High Lord. Granted, your bedside manners need a bit of work, but you could really stir him up-” Eris kept pushing the topic, and your mind raced. 

“Eris! We- I… Alright, listen!” You held a hand up in case he wanted to interject, “Look, your strange, spontaneous agenda means nothing right now, not when you just- You just-” You gestured between you and him, and he rolled his eyes, as if you were the crazy one.

“Here we go.” He sighed, leaning against a nearby tree, watching you with a look that made you want to throttle him.

“Oh, ‘here I go’- You kissed me, Eris!”

“Darling, there are people dying-”

“With no warning?! No context?! Nothing!” And it was a damn good kiss too- weirdly enough.

“Yes, darling, I did. I don’t regret it currently, but I’m starting to think I should.” His tone was dry and amused, yet that same fire stayed in his eyes- like infant embers, waiting for more firewood. You faltered for a reply, before grabbing his arm and pulling him back to you as if he was some sort of doll.

“Hey!” Were you overreacting?! Were you just going insane? Yes, that must be it. Being with this absolute idiot must be making you lose your sanity- and you certainly told him as much. He simply snickered at your tangent, shaking his head.

“You almost had me beat, darling. I figured I’d find a way to settle the score.” The heir shrugged, making you growl softly as his trademark smugness surfaced again.

“No, Eris! It was strange! It was strange, and spontaneous and- You can’t just do that!” You argued, making the Vanserra male shake his head as he grabbed your face again with two hands to cup, looking into your eyes with a look that you swore held fondness amongst the blatant amusement.

“See what I mean? You work yourself up. You’re hardly a swan- more a headless chicken.” He mused, making you pause, looking up at him as you tried to decide whether to kiss him again or smack him- hard.

“Stop avoiding the subject-” You opted to grab his wrist, removing his grip on you, but keeping him close in case you changed your mind on not smacking him.

“First of all: I am meeting your father at the Equinox ball solely because you invited me to perform. End of discussion.” You affirmed, and Eris sighed in mock defeat, waving a hand dismissively.

“Next: are we going to talk about how you completely blacked out on me?”

At the mention of his flashback, he tensed slightly, jaw setting before shaking his head, wanting to pull away.

“It’s none of your concern.”

“None of my concern?” Your grip tightened around his hands stubbornly, “You looked unwell. Visibly. I couldn’t just ignore that-” You scolded like a worried parent almost, glaring up at him as you did so. He looked at you after you brought it up, his eyes narrowing slyly. Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“And why, little swan, did you feel the need to be so kind? I thought you were supposed to have a severe ‘distaste’ for me.” He pushed it back on you, making you groan. Why did he have to be so wily and infuriating?

“Because I- I… Well, I’m not a bloody monster.” You replied hotly, cheeks warming as you glared at him, taking a moment to recompose before you fixed him with a stern scowl, squeezing his hands to prompt his attention.

“Look- I agreed to accompany you, and do whatever is required for the Equinox, yes. But we aren’t lovers, or casual bedtime partners for you to just use-”

“I have enough of those already, my dear, but thank you for the offer.” He flashed a canine in a smug grin, proud of his stupid humour, before your snarl made it fall back into a still smug smirk instead. You stepped into his personal space, grabbing him by the collar of his fancy shirt and pulling him to your eye level,

“I’m being serious! I am not some sort of toy you can reach for whenever you feel vulnerable, Eris.” 

You snapped, irritated at how badly that kiss had flustered you, rocking you off balance emotionally. His eyebrow raised at your assertion of the boundary, and he blinked slowly as if considering your blatant irritation, before his eyes trickled down to where your lips waited. Something must have flipped within when he kissed you, because you caught yourself wondering for a moment if he’d bridge the gap again.

Cauldron above, that kiss had practically ruined you.

That, or maybe, it was because you barely allowed yourself to get close to anyone beyond casual unions in the night, rendering you sorely touch-starved.

But you could not lie to yourself and deny that, in the moment, the way he held you- as if you were porcelain- the way his eyes softened- before kissing you so gently as if you were something sacred- hadn’t made you feel things you hadn’t felt in possibly ever.

“Get distracted, darling?” He caught the way you fell silent and hummed, before looking at the way you clutched the lapels of his jacket, reminding you that you were still holding onto him.

“You know, for someone so adamant on disliking me, you’re quite content to keep your hands on me.” 

“Yes, because you were- you are- acting like a damned child! I’m trying to talk to you about something important and you keep interrupting, or finding ways to distract me.”

Eris sighed, tilting his head to either side as he stretched his neck lazily, before smirking down at you.

“What a charming little wife you’d make. Nag in the morning, nag at night... How endearing. I pity the male who falls victim to you.” He hummed, prompting a soft huff as you rolled your eyes again.

“Oh, go off and fuck yourself-”

“Only when you’re watching, swan.” He winked, before adjusting his jacket and shirt once you stepped back to create a safer distance again, and sighed as you did not indulge him in more fiery banter.

“Fine, fine. I’ll address your concerns, since I do enjoy helping my citizens.” He drawled, catching your hand before it whacked him and tutting. He looked at you, as if he was trying to figure out how to handle you, before deciding to twirl you around and dip you, soliciting a squeak as your body aimlessly bent to his will.

“Number one: I kissed you because I wanted to. Granted, perhaps I should have asked, but I’d rather not have you bite my head off,”

You could feel blood rush around your body as your cheeks heated, and you became painfully aware of the way he held your wrist gently, and his other hand which had planted itself comfortably against the small of your back,

 “Number two: I… went ‘distant’, as you say, because I had a bitter memory of my father beating my mother the way he usually does, and I’ve realised it kills me a bit more each day I do not interfere. I mean, having the constant attention from everyone in the Court always being on you… having such high expectations placed? It’s utterly exhausting.” He huffed, as if he was talking about the weather, or the price of pumpkins at the markets. On the other hand, your eyes widened, your jaw dropped- bewildered by his casual delivery, but he shushed softly,

“Uh-uh, focus, darling,” He shook his auburn head, as if he didn’t want you to speak, “And number three: I am insisting on you meeting my father, because I-”

“Wait-”

“Because,” He tried again, “I do believe that, upon hearing of your unexpectedly high intelligence and combining that with your thorough contempt for him, it could mean that he will either get so offended at your criticisms and combust from the rage, or have a heart attack late in the night from stewing on your brazen audacity alone, which speeds up the process for me and makes my life easier.”

Your mind was convoluted with certain words of his that paralysed you with absolute shock- your eyes widening as you looked up at him with alarm, with shock- with concern.

“Hold on- I’m sorry-”

“Forgiven,”

“Did you just say the High Lord hits his wife?” A chill went through you as you asked it, already having your answer as he went rigid, eyes darkening for a split second, before he righted you on your own two feet with a scoff, adjusting his sleeves.

“Really? That was the part you paid attention to?”

“Eris?!” His only response to you was a sigh before he escorted you up the hill again.

--- ⋆⁺₊✧˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☾⋆⁺₊✧⋆ ---

You two returned to where your picnic had been, where there had been tea waiting, and talking.

A lot of talking.

Eris Vanserra, pompous prick and heir to the Autumn Court, had come clean with a lot of information you thought you’d never become privy to. Yet what bewildered you more was how horrible you felt about it. All of it, including your treatment of him. Your expression had never changed from the slightly stunned one, from the moment he started talking to the moment he finished explaining, and he snickered half-heartedly at your gaping face.

“Careful, darling. If you look at me like that, it might lead me to believe you care.” His smile was wry, yet his eyes watched you with a careful understanding, like he was worried you might keel over, or combust. Good. He should worry. It was certainly a lot to take in, listening to him explain how brutal it had all been living with such a monster, how it had structured his relationship with his many other brothers, how he watched his own mother lose her light. You made the mistake of picturing a young, chubbier-faced version of Eris, which made your insides squirm.

“Sorry-” You corrected your expression, forcing yourself out of your stupor as you looked anywhere else, not wanting to outright patronise him with pity or offend him with your mortification, “I’m just… processing.”

“Understandable. It is quite the tale.”

“Yes… it is.” You both fell into a contemplative silence, back at the top of the hill overlooking a myriad of fiery leaves that rolled throughout the forest. Finally, in a softer tone, you broke it first.

“I’m sorry.” 

“For?”

You snorted in disbelief at his tone, which made his russet eyes flick to your face. It was a good question, you’d give him that. Certainly one you weren’t sure how to answer. But you figured he had earned himself a sliver of redemption, so you allowed your walls to shrink ever-so-slightly.

“Living through all of… that.”

He waved a hand, brushing you off with a huff, but you shook your head,

“No, no. I’m serious.” You pressed, glancing at him before looking out at the sky,

“Having that for a childhood… It’s... That’s a different kind of horrible. I mean, I told you about me-” You gestured to yourself, not noticing how attentively his eyes followed your hand, before focusing on your face.

“I can’t ever really imagine having parents, let alone parents who never truly… liked each other.” You tread carefully as you referred to his parents' situation, which he seemed to appreciate as he nodded for you to continue mentioning your own life.

“I mean, I guess my upbringing was a little less… turbulent than that, in a sense.” He nodded in amusement, before waving for you to continue, so you did.

“My earliest memories are… probably ‘little me’, being brought up in an orphanage where I was coined ‘the odd one’,” You elaborated, scoffing in bitter amusement at the deep memory, barely catching that his gaze softened slightly. You shook your head, not wanting to let his sympathy soften you- as if the last few hours hadn’t already.

“I mean, they weren’t wrong. Still aren’t.” You shrugged, yet he continued listening, sitting up slightly, “But I learnt to embrace what were supposed to be my ‘differences’. Figured it wasn’t fair that everyone else felt content in their appearance while I couldn’t love my own.”

He nodded at your words, and you looked back at him occasionally, feeling… appreciative at how he seemed to process every word while you told your own story, bare and raw and brutally honest, all for him to have. It felt a little intimidating, feeling how his gaze never left you for a moment, even as you looked away from him at times, but you grew accustomed very quickly. He was listening… listening to you.

“I suppose, what I’m attempting to say is that… as different as we are… I can understand some of it. The burden of carrying such memories… the-”

“The loneliness,” He murmured, and you raised an eyebrow, stopped mid-thought.

“The loneliness… of going through something you’re absolutely certain nobody else is going through.” He finished the thought for you, looking uncharacteristically docile when you glanced at him to make sure he wasn’t mocking you, before slowly nodding in agreement. Something in your stomach ached at the way he looked so small, sitting all quiet and contemplative. It almost unnerved you, really, having a conversation with him that didn’t include the haughty bravado he would usually put on, when he acted like the heir of the Autumn Court.

That’s how you’d define the change, you decided. And at the moment, you certainly preferred ‘Eris, a mother’s son’ to ‘Eris Vanserra, pompous prick and heir.’ 

“Yes… That.” Your mind was practically screaming, your heart racing in your chest. This… this newfound levelling ground- this… connection- it was too deep, too intimate- far too intimate for your liking. You weren’t sure why this made you more uncomfortable than when he was angry at you in the carriage, but your heart was absolutely restless in your chest. You cleared your throat, looking down at the cobblestone of the amphitheatre floor and tracing idle shapes with your fingertip as you decided to lighten the mood.

“I mean, that, and having to pretend like it doesn’t haunt you… putting on a brave face for all the people who scrutinise you from their shoddy little apartment complexes… I couldn’t possibly imagine.”

A ghost of a smile curled on your lips as you repeated his previous words, and he chuckled softly at it, which pulled a knowing smile from you.

“Ah, yes… Woe is me, having issues with my father in our luxurious Vanserra mansion with our  many acres of land… What will I do with myself?”

He asked so miserably, playing perfectly into the role you set up for him, and for the second time that day, you rewarded him with your unrestrained laughter. At that sound, his face watched you with interest before you groaned softly. His eyebrow quirked up as he watched expectantly, seeing you shaking your head in a sardonic fashion before clicking your tongue, 

“Damn it all…” Your palm hit the floor of the amphitheatre you’d be dancing on in a few days time as you spoke with faux disappointment,

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

“What?”

“A civil conversation with you! It’s making you seem relatable, almost- as if you have the potential to be likeable… or something stupid like that.”

He snorted as you finished- snorted, like you were actually funny- before shaking his head as he rewarded you with a clear laugh of his own. You ended up chuckling too, watching as his smile grew- admiring it- while he thought over your words, before you realised your eyes were on each other again.

“[Y/N]... I’d like to start over.” He declared, making you tilt your head curiously.

“Perhaps there is something wonderful- dare I suggest, a friendship- to come from this.” He extended his hand, one you found yourself taking with a broad, wry smile of your own.

“Friendship, huh?” You raised your brow, watching him amusedly, like you were pretending to think about it. What kind of friends kissed each other, or despised each other the way you two did?

“If that’s the case, then I should apologise for the horrible presumptions I have for you, and the raspberry I ruined your shoes with, the day we first officially spoke.” You reflected on the bitterly comical encounter, both of you grinning at the image it planted, and your chest seemed to tug as you saw his smile.

“Ah, yes. Well, I forgive you. Please- forgive me for the horrible notions I have allowed the newsletters to fill your head with. I’d like to show you that I’m not just a callous, conniving bastard.”

“You missed heartless, womanising and cunning too.”

“I’d argue my cunning makes me lovable. And it’s not really womanising if females offer themselves willingly to me.” That damned smile made your chest tug again- your heart was doing pirouettes of its own- and you rolled your eyes.

“Fine. I suppose I can try to be civil.”

“Cordial?” He suggested,

“Cordial.” You amended, and he nodded, satisfied with the correction.

“Perhaps we’ll also share a few kisses of our own on the night of the Ball- proper ones, I can assure you.”

“Don’t push your luck, lordling.” He laughed at that too, his voice smooth, warming; like a strong whiskey. It kept something of an endearing smile on your own face as you sighed contentedly.

“Now… about meeting your father for matters of a ‘political nature’…”

“Yes?” You sighed at his eager tone,

“Eris, I appreciate your confidence in me, but I… I can’t.” Your face fell as you shook your head, making him scoot closer to you. Immediately his mouth opened, ready to refute your claims, but you held up a hand that had him biting his tongue obediently- albeit impatiently- as you shook your head again.

“From what you’ve told me… your father is the lowest of lows. Mud in a puddle is more honourable than he is. What could I possibly bring to him? What could I possibly say- How could I possibly say it in a way that’s important enough- powerful enough- for him to even listen?”

You posed questions that made him hesitate- and rightly so- before he shook his head. He even grabbed your hand in his own, to reign in your focus and emphasise the seriousness he wielded as he looked at you. Also because he couldn’t help himself.

“For me to say these points, he would ignore it. To him, all I am is a puppet. Heir in his eyes is a means to an end. If I were to suddenly show a change of heart and advocate these things in the comfort of our manor, he would wave me off; he'd say I’m as flowery as my mother, and dismiss it. But you- For someone who is, as you point out to me,  not of this Court… if you say something, it puts him in a predicament, [Y/N].”

His points did make sense, but you thought about your little apartment, the royalties you were barely living off, and your loving neighbours. It wasn’t like you had nothing to lose.

“Eris, if I offend him, he can erase me like that,” You snapped your finger, “I have a life here- as… conditional as it is. As far as I know, I was born here, dumped on a doorstep here, therefore I live here. I know nothing about the Summer Court- I have no friends, no family, nothing. Where could I go, should he want my head on a stick? My passions are dance, and music. Sure, I know how to read and write and put words together but I’m not a prolific politician. Who would take me in?”

Eris stilled at this, handsome face falling as his brows pinched together thoughtfully, before he waved a hand, not understanding the implications in depth,

“My brother has friends, as he calls them. Friends who could happily help you-”

“Eris! I’m not leaving my fucking home because your father can’t handle being told how shit of a Lord he is!” You scolded, pulling your hand away, but his face lit up, a fanged smile flashing as he clapped. You felt a pull in your chest as he smiled so brightly, 

“There it is. That fire! That’s what Beron needs to see. That is what he needs to be exposed to.” He urged while you groaned softly, holding your head in your hands.

“You’re going to be the death of me.”

“We’re friends now, darling. My father will not touch you- not if he still wants his heir.”

You looked up at him, the expression on your face radiating ‘Bullshit’, yet you felt that strange pull yet again.

“So what? I get special treatment while your- while Beron’s men drag innocent people out of their homes in the dead of night still? No. That would make me no better than those who do nothing to help.” You shook your head stubbornly, sitting back as a servant came up to the Vanserra heir, murmuring something to him that made him sigh, before looking at you again.

“I wish you’d understand how brilliant your mind is, sweet swan.”

Your chest warmed at that, your heartstrings tying the endearment down, though your eyes drifted, unable to stay on him while your brain rattled at the cocktail of desperation and admiration his voice had spoken with.

“I know I’m brilliant, Eris,” 

Didn’t hurt to hear from him, though.

“Just… let me get the Equinox over and done with, before you try to get me killed off.” You negotiated, hating how convincing he could be, and how you felt yourself beginning to bend as the idea lingered longer in your mind.

“That wasn’t a ‘no’, darling. Oh, don’t give me that look- I’ll relent.” He stood up, taking the hands you stuck out for him to pull you along, and you nodded in thanks- enjoying the way he managed to make you feel like a ragdoll when you had relaxed completely. You both began to walk back to the carriage that had awaited you, not even realising how much time you two had spent together until the sun began to set, and your mind buzzed at a content frequency while you walked side by side, you hugging yourself from the mild autumn chill that developed in the sun’s absence.

“Excited to dance with me?” He nudged slyly, his cheeky smile pulling a chuckle from you. You almost hated how easy it was to laugh with him now that you had come to understand him. Strange, how easily perceptions changed with a simple conversation. Of course, he still had his moments like now, making you push his face away gently as you both walked, only for his hand to catch your outstretched wrist and pull you back, his other arm encircling your waist as he looked down at you, your bodies pressed flush together.

“That wasn’t an answer, partner.” He mused, the mere name making your breathing stop. You were helpless as you looked up into his eyes again, lips parting only for nothing helpful to slip out. Your own eyes shuttered before you turned your head away, as if to reduce the intimacy like you two hadn’t kissed already, and you huffed softly,

“What, am I excited for you to waltz me around like some little lady?”

“I’ve been told my footwork is magical. So magical, that it even strips ladies of their garments.” He hummed, full of confidence; confidence that made your stomach flutter. Truthfully, in the comfort of your private mind, you allowed yourself to admit that you felt aroused at the idea of being in a situation with him where he could strip you of your undergarments. But you saved face- refusing to let him have too much confidence- shaking your head with an amused glimmer in your eyes, voice full of mirth,

“There’s no possible way that line has actually worked on someone before.” You uttered, before giggling lightly, and his eyes narrowed playfully. For a moment, you thought he’d kiss you again, and pull you into that carriage as if to prove you wrong, but he twirled you around instead, letting you go as if to let you dance independently, and you laughed as you spun freely. After a moment, you slowed to a stop, the skirts of your dress fanning out before falling back against you while you watched him, tilting your head slightly.

“You plan on twirling me around like that all night?”

The way he looked at you in that moment felt like a manifestation of the tension that had slowly begun to accumulate, all of it gathering up in his eyes as his gaze followed you,

“If you smile, and sound like that after each spin, then yes.”

The words caught you off guard. You knew Eris Vanserra was a heartthrob- a complete and utter flirt, who could charm the pants off a statue if he wanted- but this look was new. This look was different. Deeper than he let on. There was no sly smirk, no cocky attitude, no cheeky banter to lessen the tension that settled, and your heart… your stomach, your core seemed to squeeze as he beheld you. Your gaze softened, your smile falling slowly as you swallowed, eyelids fluttering before you nodded, advancing towards the carriage again, though your gaze never left him.

“Right.”

╰┈➤ Lex's note 2: friends... i am so sorry for being inactive for so long! it was an unexpected hiatus, i didn't do as well as i thought i would in my exams, i was severely burnt out and struggling with my adhd meds as well as a plethora of mental/other issues but i pinky swear i am back and ready to pump out fics!! i had a bit of writer's block with L'autunno but we are back in business, baby!! i have had loads of ideas that i wanna write n share with you all (across whatever fandoms i feel creative inspo for) but pls send requests bc they do actually motivate me to stay consistent! as always, pls let me know what you think, be it a dm, a reblog or a comment!! love always, Lex <3<3<3

[tgandc]

things i’ve learned in 14 years of ed life and need to remind myself every once and awhile: (really it’s been almost 18, but the most severe years were between the ages of 14-28)

1. don’t set a date to lose weight by. you’ll sabotage yourself. instead, set a goal weight, and a plan to meet that goal, and give yourself time to meet it.

2. don’t punish yourself for slipping and eating. you’re human. you need food to survive. you’re starving yourself. you’re going to break your fast one day. or “forget” you’re restricting one day because you saw something that looked sooo damn good and you ate it without even realizing. you’re going to go over your calorie limit once and awhile. you’re going to binge. it’s inevitable.

3. learn how to curb the binges. just cause you start, doesn’t mean it’s too late to stop. if you eat 100 calories, don’t turn it into 1000. you can burn off the extra 100-500cals way easier than 5000.

4. learn your triggers. avoid them.

5. just exercising doesn’t work well. just starving yourself doesn’t work well. you need to restrict AND work out. seriously. the results are in and i just lost 35lbs in 3 months. like my drs MA that weighed me saw the red line and exclamation mark that i’d lost 20% of my body weight in 3 months and she flipped out. my weight loss has slowed a little the last 2-3 weeks and it’s 100% because i stopped exercising as much when school started. i usually walk 3 miles every morning on the track after i drop my son off at daycare. it’s my lifeline. if i don’t walk the track every morning now i get super pissy, shit gets bad, and i either gain weight or plateau. restricting and working out work wayyyy better if you do them together.

6. drink water! i know everyone says this. but everyone says this for a reason. it keeps your tummy full so you eat less food, it helps flush everything out, it helps keep your digestive system running, it helps keep your face clear, it helps keep the headaches down, it helps you lose weight… water is just super good for you and you should drink it. but don’t drink too much. if you dilute your body too much, you can kill yourself. literally. if you drink too much water (e.g. 2-3 gallons in under an hour) you’ll die. so don’t drink that much. but, ya know… a gallon, or a gallon and a half spread out over a day is good.

7. allow yourself a treat every once and awhile. not a binge. not an unhealthy treat. it doesn’t even have to be a food treat. but give in once and awhile. get your nails done, take a fun class, make something, draw something, have an ice cream cone. do give yourself the opportunity to indulge in something. or else you become bitter and resentful.

8. once a week, up your calories by at least 200-500. it’ll kickstart your metabolism and you’ll lose weight faster. just don’t keep up the higher calorie count for more than ONE DAY or you’ll start gaining again. but one of those days every couple weeks is great to avoid a plateau.

9. when your clothes start getting really baggy, buy a smaller size. there’s nothing quite as rewarding as going from a large to a small. i just made the switch a few weeks ago and it’s amazing.

10. feel your b0ne3. rub your hands over your r1b3, your h1pb0n3s, your c0llarb0n3s look at your thigh gap.. get on tumblr, look at th1nsp0, it’ll keep you motivated.

11. take lots of pictures. it’s great to look back and see the progression from fat and gross to being skinny and beautiful 🥰

12. stay safe ♥️

all pics in this post are me ☺️

[msreyny]

workout i recommend to lose weight/ toned your body

hi sweetie ! here some of the workout i recommend for losing weight / tone your body, i hope you will enjoy some of them !:)

- kpop dance workout from growwithjo

very fun to do and burn 108kcal

- 30 minutes walking cardio from allblanc

simple and easy workout when you’re lazy

- lesserafim workout

you will be so tired after this ! but it’s a very good workout and it burn a lot of calories

- 12 minutes Arm tone from blogilates

it’s an amazing workout to tone your arms, i started to see résultes in a week ^^

- Lower abs from blogilates

i struggled a lot when it came to my lower abs since it’s a hard spot to lose fat, but this workout is the best one i’ve tried so far, it hurt so much but i saw amazing results after two weeks of doing it 4 times a week.

- 20 minutes thigh& legs from blogilates

my legs and thighs burn so much with this one, it really tone your lower body !!

- 15 minutes full body Hiit from chloe ting

simply amazing, this one help me lose 5kg in less than a month i highly recommend !

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

Can you please do promot 10 and 12 with Sam wilson please?

.⋆｡The Cleansing Rain｡⋆.

Sam Wilson x plus size reader

The fight was bad, really bad but neither of you wanted to stop loving the other

Warnings: mentions of the snap, fighting, angst, implied ptsd

WC: 752

Minors DNI

3000 Follower Celebration

The fight had lasted for days and you both were exhausted. It had sparked over something insignificant that you couldn’t really give a shit about anymore and then blew up to the point where you and Sam were screaming in each other’s faces.

Sam felt you were pulling away from him, not as loving as you used to be. You returned back that he was dead for five years and you had to learn to live without him. 

You thought Sam was being entitled to your affections when he did nothing for you in return. He snapped that he had a job to do, he and Bucky had to protect people who couldn’t protect themselves.

But everything broke down when you wondered if the relationship was even worth saving. It was obvious that you had changed immensely since the blip while your partner was left behind to pick up the pieces of what used to be his life while still trying to be a hero.

“If you aren’t happy here then just fucking leave!” You screamed at him but really you were begging him not to go.

“You know what I think I will because I can’t stand this shit anymore.” But he was pleading to stay. 

“Go!” Tears burned behind your eyes but you refused to let them fall, refused to let him see how you were breaking all over again.

“Fine!” The front door slammed behind him, shaking the foundations of your home and your heart. You didn’t see the way his shoulders fell, he didn’t see how you crumbled.

He left without saying ‘I love you’. You let him go without saying ‘I love you’.

That was almost a week ago and you felt like you were dying. The house was too quiet, your bed too empty. Every time the old floorboards creaked, your head shot up, expecting to see Sam in the doorway, a bright smile on his face, his dark eyes sparkling. But he was never there. 

You kept the TV on constantly, too scared of the silence. So that’s how you heard about the storm. 

Sam hated storms, he always had. He’d always get scared when lightning struck and thunder rolled. The night he asked you to be his girlfriend was during a storm like the one about to hit Louisiana. He had burst into your home, eyes wide with fear and collapsed into your arms, his whole body trembling. You wrapped him up in the softest blanket you could find and distracted him with things from shitty puns to singing to him. And when the power finally gave out, he took you into his arms and asked you to be his.

As the skies darkened above the small ocean town, anxiety bubbled in your stomach. ‘Was Sam somewhere safe?’ ‘Who was looking out for him?’ ‘Did they know what to do if he had an attack?’

Before you could think, your shoes were on and you were out the door. There were only two places he would be- his sister’s or Bucky’s. The first drops of rain started to fall as you ran through the streets, gunning for Sarah’s house.

Your feet pounded against the pavement in time with the beating of your heart. The fog closed in around you as fat water droplets smacked you in the face, getting more intense by the second. 

Yet still you ran.

“Y/N!” The voice was distant, muffled but it was still the voice you needed to hear the most. 

“Sam!” His silhouette stood against the blur of the rain.

You collided together almost painfully but you didn’t care. His arms were around you again, you both were whole again. “Sam I’m sorry I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that you were being selfish.” He shook his head and squeezed your thick waist even tighter.

“I was being selfish. You were doing so much for me and I did nothing to help you.” You laughed sadly, your tears mixing with the rain. 

“Maybe we were both being dumb.” He laughed that laugh you loved so much and your chest warmed even though your clothes were now thoroughly soaked through with frigid water.

“Maybe we were.” Your arms wrapped around his neck and brought his lips closer to yours.

“Come home.” You whispered just above the din of the storm.

“I’m already home.” And as he kissed you in the freezing rain, all the pain was washed away, even if it was just for a little while.

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[jungleindierock]

Rebjukebox 2024 - No 1

Here's my first playlist for 2024, it's not gonna be a monthly thing, just once i have 40 tracks i like, then i will share it. So could be one or two or even three in one month and other months maybe none, this is why it's numbered. I am already close to No 2 being finished, cover done, just need to cut down to 40 tracks from the 80+ tracks in the provisional draft playlist. So could share this next week!! These playlists are great way to find new bands and artists and saves us having to post each on sepearatly.

I used to do these just through Soundcloud, but thought i might as well add it to my Spotify also. So i will add two links to the playlist and can use which ever one you prefer.

If your a solo singer or a member of a band, then follow me on my Soundcloud page here, if i like your stuff, i will follow you back, if i don't follow back then sorry but your not my thing. Whatever style of music is fine, i like many stlyes and will take a listen. You should always trust your own ears with music.

You can only follow 2,000 people on Soundcloud, so am limited. But if am following you there, i can see when you share new music, which means you could be added to one of these playlists or the main JIR playlist (one per month). What style of music is fine, i like many and will take a listen.

Enjoy and share, stay free, see you soon with No 2!!

Reb

Ok the links for the playlist:- Soundcloud I Spotify

Tracklist

1 - Paramore - Burning Down the House (Talking Heads Cover) 2 - The Delta Shake - I’ll Be Your Man (Alternative Version) 3 - Anja Huwe - Rabenschwarz 4 - Fat Dog - All The Same 5 - Loupe - Tested Waters 6 - Wynona - Feeling For Edges 7 - Nothing Rhymes With Orange - Friday Is Over 8 - Shannon and the Clams - The Moon Is In The Wrong Place 9 - KAWALA - American Adrenaline 10 - overpass - Stay Up 11 - Camens - Cynical 12 - Cinders - Going Nowhere 13 - Linn Koch-Emmery - Ebay Armour 14 - Grace Petrie - Start Again 15 - Neon Dreams (Ft. Matthew Mole) - The Art of Letting Go 16 - This Rebel - Same Every Time 17 - The Holy - Any Given Day 18 - Soundwire - Shake The Fever (Radio Edit) 19 - The Snuts - Millionaires 20 - Neck Deep - Moody Weirdo 21 - Softcult - Heaven 22 - Lurve - Pesnya O Lyubvi 23 - BARSTAFF - Tracy Island (Radio Edit) 24 - Sasha Assad - Bad Nature 25 - Red Rum Club - Hole In My Home 26 - No Windows - Song 01 27 - Mourn - Could Be Friends 28 - Sunglaciers - Cursed 29 - POND - Neon River 30 - Slow Time Mondays - Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time 31 - Jeen - So What 32 - stillcorners - The Dream 33 - The Marra - Masterpiece 34 - The Hubbards - Hiding & Reading 35 - The Cheap Thrills - Last Orders 36 - Aqualine - No Answer 37 - Torrey - Bounce 38 - Low Blows - Normal 39 - ParisBlue - Remedy 40 - Bombay Bicycle Club (ft. Lucy Rose) - Willow

[mumblingsage]

Book Pitch Draft under the cut!

My gratitude will be immortal (and I can show it in concrete ways like offering feedback on your own 250-words-or-so of writing, if you wish) to anyone who gives this a read and lets me know what works or doesn't.

In fact, if you start skimming and lose interest, just letting me know the line where you stopped can be helpful.

Pitch for Something More Than Honor: Book One of Ransomed

(revised June 12)

After two years as a prisoner of war, Konstantin Eadinford returns to a barony impoverished by raising a ransom he isn’t worth. He struggles to take up his responsibilities as his father's heir, dishonored by an escape attempt and carrying a heart gone rotten with betrayal. He can never share it with Catilyn, his wife by an arranged marriage. Wary of what’s expected of her, yet intrigued by what she calls Konstantin’s charm, she approaches only so close. Meanwhile Konstantin can barely stand to look at Cat after trying to keep her apart from all he did and felt while captive at Ausric. Then there’s Nicolas Miller, a man from the village who isn’t afraid to tell the future baron what he thinks of him. Who in his honesty and anger and wit burns brighter than any friend Konstantin’s ever had. Who has kept his own secrets, and is used to being kept one. Who, like Cat, comes to care for and long for Konstantin in a way no one ever would if they understood what he truly is. When wounds from the past threaten the small peace they’ve built, Cat turns to Nic. Their friendship creates a bond that might hold everything together. The three of them might find something beyond unspoken pain and dishonor, something that will bring each one home—and make it a home better than they’ve ever known before.

If you read through the end, yay ;D. And if you're intrigued, I *am* seeking beta readers, though I'm only about 16% of the way through the current edit/draft.

[You can contact me through Ask or via email at tc dot mill at yahoo dot com]

If you're almost intrigued but feel the pitch needs to address something before you'd buy in, I'd also like to know. There are things I'm not sure I'm conveying, and I need to write a tropey logline to summarize at the end, but that's still in the works. "F/M/M hurt-comfort," wounded hero, BBW if that's still a thing? Cat's a gorgeous fat woman. And yes, it's a duology, about 250k words total or 125k words per book. So "slow burn,", especially to the first book; by the second, the romance and sex are definitely happening and happening some more.

Content warnings: The story includes physical, emotional, and sexual abuse and takes place in the kind of culture that enables such things, namely one that's violent, misogynistic, homophobic, and ableist. A lot is implied and some is explicit; even when not explicit, it informs how the characters act and respond in a way that makes the content not "skippable" (to make abuse and its consequences skippable would go against the point, really). I think it might go without saying but none of the protagonists are abusive.

Tone-wise, as you can guess it's not a romcom, but there are lighthearted parts, there's even fluff, there's hope, and a happy ending is earned.

Whew! Okay. Think I can post this now.

[justjasper]

60 Alkaline Trio Lyrics Writing Prompts

What do I do with these? Write something inspired by one of them! Get your followers to send you a prompt for you to write for!

Themes: love, death, substance abuse, suicide, violence

Kiss You to Death

1. I don't care if we fuck or we talk or we cry

Every Thug Needs a Lady

2. Right now you're all that I recognise

Over and Out

3. Please tell my wife I loved her more than life itself

This Could Be Love

4. I've got some mad ideas involving you and me

Cringe

5. You were the last good thing I ever saw

Pocket Knife

6. I've been waiting here so long // For someone just like me

Clavicle

7. I want to wake up naked next to you // Kissing the curve of your clavicle

Mr Chainsaw

8. Found out recently that you were leaving // For good I hope, I softly tell my ceiling

You're Dead

9. But I now have nothing but your heartbeat in my head

Enjoy Your Day

10. I hope he bought you roses

Steamer Trunk

11. I love you so I told you, but it didn't matter much

Dead on the Floor

12. We felt so good together // It was way too good to be

Continental

13. Ran out of time, no kiss goodbye

One Last Dance

14. Beyond repair, the damage that I did

Kick Rocks

15. You had nowhere to go, so you came right back here

Sorry About That

16. Maybe I just set aside the fact that you were broken-hearted

Midnight Blue

17. I had nobody but you

This is Getting Over You

18. Today I woke up younger than I've been in years

Bleeder

19. My heart bleeds for what you never did

Calling All Skeletons

20. I've come to love your disappearing act // Do one more pretty please

Blue in the Face

21. I don't dream since I quit sleeping // And I haven't slept since I met you

Radio

22. I've got a big fat fucking bone to pick with you, my darling

Dethbed

23. They tried everything and everyone but you

One Hundred Stories

24. I'm dying just to feel you breathe

My Friend Peter

25. I don't care who you've been sleeping with these days

Sweet Vampires

26. This love-hate is making me cry

I Lied My Face Off

27. It's never fine when you go away

Love Love, Kiss Kiss

28. Do you curse the happy couple?

Crawl

29. Never had a drink that I didn't like // Got a taste of you, threw up all night

Cooking Wine

30. Sorry I'm late, I was out spoiling my liver

Off the Map

31. I'm like a junkie for your smart mouth

San Francisco

32. And I was drinking you goodbye

Fine

33. It's ironic that I drink to make my insides stop hurting

I'm Dying Tomorrow

34. Take lots of pills, commit irreversible sins

Back to Hell

35. Like the pills in your hand, I'll never let you down

This Addiction

36. I once tried to kick this addiction // I swear I'll never kick again

Trouble Breathing

37. You said tonight is a wonderful night to die

While You're Waiting

38. I'm not crying wolf, you whisper // I'm really dead this time

Sadie

39. Play dead dear, it's your only hope of pulling through

Only Love

40. You're dying when you start thinking like that

Do You Wanna Know?

41. My spine is slipping like a fault line // If I go I'll bury us all

Eating Me Alive

42. The end of me was so beautiful

Queen of Pain

43. I've never seen scars like yours

Burn

44. Everyone learns faster on fire

Trucks and Trains

45. Some hit so hard you barely feel a thing

Is This Thing Cursed?

46. My haunted head aches so much worse

Your Neck

47. We'll do our very best to keep our appetites in check

Emma

48. Note on the bed stand signed in blood: Sincerely, never coming back

I Was A Prayer

49. To a hopeless cause I sold my soul

Hell Yes

50. You watched all my dreams come apart at the seams

Take Lots With Alcohol

51. I have no desire to see through my own eyes any more

Trouble Breathing

52. Cause things they never work out right

Help Me

53. You left all the lights burning but nobody's home

Prevent This Tragedy

54. I'm begging you, stop praying for me

If You Had a Bad Time

55. If you're up to your ears in blood sweat and wasted years // I'm hoping you're going to open your throat and just scream

Balanced on a Shelf

56. A somewhat inviting very different kind of hell // To live without ever looking at yourself

Settle For Satin

57. You'll never dream again, but you can pray

Every Thug Needs a Lady

58. I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer

If We Never Go Inside

59. A train appeared in town one night // For some of us it saved our lives

Song For Julie

60. I was wrong when I said things never turn out right

[lucidfairies]

i decide to start running bc i wanna get into shape, do you have any tips for stretches or anything like that?

lock in cuz we're about to get downnnnn

• To “get in shape” or lose weight, you've gottttt to focus on your diet. Nothing changes if nothing changes!

• Bulking (aka eating your bodyweight in protein and adding calories) is the fastest way to gain muscle without supplements HOWEVER you do gain a lot of weight through this

• Cutting is when you lose all of your bulk weight to “tone” your muscles - toning is not a real thing btw, the only way to tone is to lose fat so that your muscle becomes more defined

• Cardio is not going to burn all of your fat, but doing things like 12-3-30 while consecutively eating well will help you drastically

• If you have knee problems like me, walk backwards for 5-10 minutes during your pre and post cardio (on a treadmill) to help your knees

• You should always start with at least 10 minutes of cardio to get your muscles warmed up and your heart pumping, and end with at least 10 minutes to recover your heart rate and stretch out your muscles. Doing cardio is never an excuse not to stretch though!!

• Stretching for 5-10 minutes pre and post workout is so so critical to caring for your body during your workouts. Here are some stretches that I recommend

[doubtingthomasin]

kinktober: hellcheer edition

prompt 12: the cheer skirt word count: 2.5k WARNING: abuse mention

MINORS DNI

(i...am actually not sorry for the angst.)

@viharker

-------

Chrissy’s panicking. Even as she breathes slowly through her nose and out her mouth, she knows it’s just a matter of time before she has to pull over and let the impending panic attack run its course. She just hopes she makes it to the trailer park by then. 

She glances down briefly at her ruined skirt, angry at herself for picking up that mustard bottle at all. She could already hear the fat comments from her mother in her head, and the thought sent her spiraling closer to the inevitable. On the surface it looks like she’s breaking the speed limit because of a stain, and she won’t be able to explain the truth if she gets pulled over, but getting a ticket is well and truly low on her list of worries.

She figures she’s in a position to barter, if Eddie’s even home. She can eventually pay him back for a new skirt from her allowance…or do something else entirely to compensate. She really doesn’t care, just as long as her mom doesn’t find out.

Chrissy almost misses the trailer park entrance, skidding nearly to a halt to make the turn. She slows down over the gravel, only stopping once she reaches his trailer, hopping out of the car and onto the porch. She knocks insistently, but he must’ve heard her pull up because she doesn’t knock for longer than a second.

“Let me in, please?” she asks, but almost walks into him as he moves to let her pass. Eddie glances quickly around outside before shutting the door, as the usual protocol entails, which she seems to have forgotten.

“Oh, my God, are we doing fantasy number seventeen?” he asks around the cigarette in his mouth, noticing her cheer outfit before the fearful look on her face. “Uh-oh, what’s wrong?” She’s pacing the carpet, shaking her hands, and his first horrifying thought is that her period’s late. “Chrissy?”

“Do you have forty-five dollars?”

His eyes grow wider. “Do I have fo–uh, yeah.” A beat. “Why?”

She yanks at her skirt, holding it out so he can see the mustard stain right down the middle front. “This is why.”

His head drops forward in relief before replying. “If that’s gonna cost forty-five dollars, your dry cleaner’s robbing you blind.”

“Not for the dry cleaner,” she groans in exasperation, “for a new skirt.”

He does the simple math in his head. “Don’t we have less than a month of school left?”

“Eddie–”

“I thought your parents were loaded.”

She slows and stares at him, swallowing before looking down at her feet. “She can’t know.”

He takes the cigarette from his mouth, stubs it out in the ashtray on the kitchen counter. “Your mom?” She nods.

“She can’t know, and you can’t ask why.”

His brow furrows. “I can’t ask why?”

“No, you can’t ask why.”

“Okay…why can’t I ask why?”

“Oh, my God.” The panic attack starts creeping up on her again.

“Chrissy, you want forty-five dollars from a guy who lives in a trailer park when your parents are loaded because, for some reason, your mom can’t find out, and I’m not allowed to ask why.”

“I’ll pay you back, I swear. I get an allowance every week.”

“Sweetheart, that’s fine, but why can’t your mom–”

“Because she’s a raging bitch who’ll call me fat if I eat anything, and seeing proof that I’ve eaten anything can’t happen!”

The revelation hangs in the air between them for a few seconds as they stare at each other. There are no echoes in a trailer, but her shouts reverberate in their heads all the same. Chrissy’s eyes slam shut, her face burning as she covers it with her hands.

“Nevermind, I gotta go,” she says suddenly, hands moving to clasp her arms in front of her as she zips to the door–only for him to catch her. “Eddie, n–” He holds her tightly, his lips on her hair, silent. After a moment she clings to him as well, hands bunching in his shirt as the tears start falling.

“I’m so sorry,” he mutters, pushing down every one of the hundreds of questions he wants to ask, the insults he wants to yell, knowing this isn’t the time. He’d known the whole time that something bad was going on within her family, but he’d been hoping so hard that it had nothing to do with her directly. “Don’t worry about the money, we’ll get that new skirt. We can try to get this one clean, too.”

It takes effort to stop crying, but she does it with the help of confusion. “I…I thought mustard was permanent.”

He shrugs. “Won’t know ‘til we try.”

She goes back to hugging him, nuzzling her face into his chest, Old Spice and cigarette smoke finally calming her nerves. “Thank you.”

She waits on his bed in her shirt and underwear, and he waits in the living room for the washer to finally go off. From the dial, he can tell there’s only a few minutes left in the cycle, but it seems like there’s been a few minutes left for a while.

It finally buzzes and he quickly opens the machine, pulling out the skirt to inspect it. “Shit.” After some vinegar and baking soda, there was still a clearly visible light yellow patch. He deflated as she came around the corner down the hall. 

"Sorry, princess." He shows her and she rubs her forehead anxiously. "I can run it through another cycle or try bleach."

"No, it's fine," she sighs, taking the stained garment from him. "It'll take, like, three of my allowances but I'll get you the money."

"Don't worry about it." He waves her off, shutting the washer lid before turning to her, forgetting that she was practically half-naked. The air's punched out of his lungs before he can play it off as a cough and she giggles adorably when he looks away.

"Sorry," she says automatically, but he's got an idea, hand outstretched without making eye contact. "What?"

"Gimme your jacket. And the skirt."

"Um, okay." She strips off the thin jacket, handing both items over as the cool air hits her bare arms. He's still looking away and she's not sure why, since they've already seen each other naked before, but it's endearing all the same.

Yet suddenly he's in her space, kneeling down before her. "Foot up." She lifts one foot and he slides the skirt on, her hands gripping the fabric of his shirt for stability as her cheeks warm up. Once the skirt's on and up her legs, he turns it halfway around and zips it, taking the jacket and tying it loosely around her waist.

"There." He stands straight to tower over her once more, hands on his hips. "Will that get you through the door and past her?"

She twists to look around her. Sure enough, the jacket drapes enough over her sides that the mustard stain and zipper are completely hidden. "Yeah, that should work." She smiles up at him in appreciation. "Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem." He grins back, dimples showing as he scratches the back of his neck nervously. "It's...occurring to me now that I could've just told you what to do instead of, you know, doing it for you."

Her lilting laugh in response settles on him like a warm breeze, his nerves fading. He opens his mouth to speak only to close it again. There's nothing he can say that will make better or fix what her mother does. But in his head, he curses that dreadful woman for making such a kind and caring girl feel any less than completely loved.

He's still on that train of thought when it derails at the look on her face. Her smile's half faded, longing showing through in her eyes as she tilts her head. She's thinking of how ironic it is, how usually he takes her clothes off instead of putting them on. It makes her feel safe, loved…and pretty hot around the collar.

She blinks rapidly, sighs. "I should go."

"Yeah, sure," he agrees, nodding. "I mean, you don't have to–"

"Right, no, it's just…they'll be wondering where I am." Her brow furrows with regret, almost like an apology.

"That makes sense," he says uselessly, just for something to say. But the longer they stare into each other's eyes, the quicker they realize no one's going anywhere.

She leans in first, hands reaching up to curl around his shoulders and pull him down. Her eyes close as she kisses him, as her hands link around the back of his neck.

His eyes open slowly, hazy and wanting, as she releases his lips. "What number was it again?" 

Her question shakes him gently from the fog. "What?"

"Your fantasy." She's got that mischievous grin that he so loves.

He genuinely has to think for a moment, heart pounding. "Seven…teen."

"Okay, then." She kisses him again, and it's only a moment before he has her up off the floor, legs around his waist.

Once they make it to his bedroom, he pins her up against the closed door, her feet hanging in midair. He trails his lips gently along her neck, licking into soft kisses as he pulls the scrunchie from her hair, creamy strawberry tresses falling onto his face.

Her head softly hits the door, craning her neck to expose it more as he continues. His hands slide up from her knees to her thighs, and she sighs when they reach her panties, slightly tugging in question.

She nods and she's off the door, lying on his bed a moment later, her jacket crumpled under her lower back. He pulls her underwear down slowly, moving her legs up to remove them completely. And then he's on his knees, hands spreading her legs in order to see her bare cunt.

She's already pulsing a bit in anticipation because she knows how insanely good he is at this, and her head falls back onto the mattress as his lips caress her heat. Her hands knot in his hair as his bunch up the pleats of her skirt, clinging for dear life as he makes a mess of her.

She comes quicker than usual, so relaxed that she barely makes more than a whimper. He sucks her clit a little more, making her legs twitch as he groans before licking her clean, letting her drip a little onto the skirt. She lays still, the aftershocks fading when she feels him sliding her panties back up her legs.

"Eddie." She sits up, a sweet hand covering his wrist to stop him. He looks up at her in question. "Please."

He swallows, the taste of her still fresh on his tongue. "What's wrong?"

"I need you," she whines, her hands brushing tenderly over his cheeks. It's enough to make him moan. "Please."

Helpless, he rises to linger over her. She'd been crying only an hour ago, and as much as he wants to, he's scared of taking advantage of her vulnerability. Apparently, she has enough people in her life doing that already.

But she begs again, spreading her legs and laying back, her stomach thrilling when his fingers deftly work his belt buckle loose. His jeans and boxers fall to the floor, and he leans in for her to grab his shirt again, kissing him desperately.

She sighs loudly with relief once he's all the way inside, tugging on her skirt instead of her waist as he fucks her slowly, deliberately. Pulling all the way out just to fill her up again, lazily letting the tip of his cock nudge her clit every few strokes.

"God, you're so big," she breathes, her hands on his wrists. "Please, faster."

"Not yet, babygirl," he mutters, eyes closed as he concentrates. "Gotta get you worked up so that next time you come, this skirt gets soaked."

She gasps, almost soundless, as he keeps his slow, steady rhythm. It works, each movement feeling just a fraction more intense than the last, until even her skin's aching. 

He moves them further onto the bed, brushing the fabric of her shirt over her nipples as he hikes it up to her shoulders. She's so sensitive already that it makes her keen, her toes curling as he stuffs her with his cock.

He's glad her eyes are open, else he would've missed the sign that she was close. He pinches her clit between two fingers, and she hisses. "Eddie–" She sees the look of pure fixation on his face and cuts off her own words, knowing that begging won't do any good.

Once he's satisfied that her orgasm's receded, he returns to wrinkling her skirt in his fists, twisting her side to side a little on his dick to make her squirm and mewl.

She's starting to shake and he knows he can't hold his own much longer. He lifts her off the bed and onto his lap, pulling down hard on the skirt and pressing up into her. She squeals into his shoulder as he growls, rolling his hips into hers and repeating the process.

He bites his lip, hoping the pain will ground him enough to keep going when she warns him. "I'm gonna c-come."

"Just a little longer, princess." But he flips her back down to the mattress, leaning over her to change the angle of his thrusts. "Gonna ruin this skirt completely, yeah?"

All she can do is nod, his groin pressing into her clit with intention now. He hooks an arm under her leg, bringing it up to her elbow where she's clinging to the sheets. He groans as he swirls his tongue around her nipple, her chest arching up to encourage him.

She's getting louder each time he presses up to her cervix, and he knows she's hit her limit. He sucks her tit, balls deep inside her, pulling tighter and tighter on the skirt until he hears it.

A seam pops, the fabric ripping just slightly, but the sound breaks them both. He swallows her wails as he drives into her, a handful of punishing thrusts before she's unraveling beneath him, throbbing around him. He pulls out just in time, jacking himself until he's coming on her pussy and the skirt.

He presses his forehead between her breasts, catching his breath as she absently plays with his hair. "Christ."

"I think we'll have to wash this thing again," she slurs, feeling his responding chuckle in her chest.

He rolls onto his back, pulling her into his side. "Oh, definitely."

"Now I have to drive home in a wet skirt, all worn out," she whines in her little voice, pouting before looking up at him with a smirk.

But his smile's fading, and he swallows down nerves to say one word that might change everything. "Stay."

Her smirk changes to mild shock as she leans on his chest. "What?"

"Stay the night," he clarifies. "Wayne won't be home until late morning. Just tell your mom you're staying at a friend's, have that friend cover for you."

Mentally, she still hasn't gotten past the first word. But she nods, her smile returning as she settles into his chest. "I'd stay forever if I could."

After she makes the calls and works everything out, they fall asleep in each other's arms, the washer droning on in the living room.

[suratan-zir]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

I was tagged by @vimpse. Thank you! <3

1. are you named after anyone?

Yes, after my great-grandmother, who died when I was a baby. When I turned 16, I also took my great-grandmothers last name, simply because I didn't want to carry my father's last name, and she had the most beautiful last name from my entire family.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Three days ago.

3. do you have kids?

No. I follow the philosophy of antinatalism. While I would love to have children, I believe it would be cruel, especially with my genetics. If I had a choice, I wouldn't want to be born, what if my child grows up and feels the same as I do now?

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

Probably.

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

Never played any sports in my life. I have some breathing problems so physical activity is harder for me than for a healthy person, although I do fitness consistently (lifting and calisthenics) for the first time in my very unfit life. Funny enough, I have the war to thank for that. This winter, when we had blackouts, I was looking for something to do in the evenings, when it's dark, cold and dreary. I tried to do yoga for relaxation, but soon discovered just how weak I was. So I started to include more and more strength building exercises, HIIT workouts, until finally switching to lifting weights. It's amazing how much easier it is not to quit if your goal isn't to lose weight / get bigger butt or flatter stomach, but to get stronger and have fun. Modern society (yes, we're getting into the "society" talk) is trying to convince you, especially if you're a woman, that you should do fitness for looks. I'm sick of seeing all the female-oriented videos on youtube captioned like "get tOnEd muscles for the summer" or "burn belly fat in SEVEN DAYS" (it's impossible btw). Because god forbid you want to actually grow your muscles, not get them "toned", whatever that means. God forbid you want to become stronger or more flexible, not skinnier with a bigger butt. I've never been able to stick to a routine because I hate boring repetitive cardio, and it can be very disheartening to see no change on the scale when your only goal is to lose weight. So I thought I was just not a fitness kind of person. But when you feel your body getting stronger, when you realize that your progress depends only on your efforts, it becomes so exciting and fun.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people?

Voice and smell. I'm autistic, so I almost never look in the face, but even when I do I usually don't register person's appearance very well. For example, I pass by my neighbors every day, but I have no idea what they look like, so I will never recognize them if we ran into each other somewhere else.

7. scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies, preferably with happy endings.

8. any special talents?

I'm very good at remembering song lyrics. And I can immediately think of a song for any situation, any prompt.

9. where were you born?

The most depressing town in Donetsk oblast, Ukraine.

10. what are your hobbies?

Maybe these are not really hobbies but - rats and video games. Also, walking around taking pictures of trees, sky and turtles. lol

11. do you have any pets?

I have two cats, a dog and six rats.

12. how tall are you?

173 cm (5.6)

13. fave subject in school?

Ukrainian and Biology

14. dream job?

None. Well, I would love to have a greenhouse and a small business of growing and selling houseplants.

15. eye colour?

Greyish-bluish-greenish something. Always green when I cry, for some reason.

Seems like everyone I know has already done this? :( Let's see...

@eulaliasims, @userdata, @ho3sferatu

[animal-lover-forever]

Guys.

I've given up on life. 😔

So I'm eating this shit as my first meal of the day.

It's 11 A.M.

So I guess it's brunch.

My homemade cake, a Ding Dong, (It just said a chocolate baked good with filling in the middle. But anyone who's anyone, knows that it's just a fucking Ding Dong.) and a cake doughnut.

Oh, and an off brand coke.

It's "Sam's Cola".

Am I gonna eat all of it?

Don't know yet, but probably.

I was actually started to lose weight cuz we never have food in the house because we're poor as fuck!

And now I'm eating this shit.

Guys...

I'm to scared to get on the scale!

Our scale is mean!

You tell it if your male or female, (You know, cuz the average weight of a male is different than a female.) then if you step on it and your overweight, it throws insult at you!

And it has some mean insults!

...

I'm kidding.

I have no clue if this type of scale even exists.

But if it does, I would totally want one.

Just for the sole purpose of one, having it, and two, just to see (Or hear, I guess.) the insults it could throw at me.

I'm not self conscious about my weight.

I don't care all that much.

I know I'm overweight.

I know I'm fat.

I also know that I have a higher chance (on top of my high chance) of getting diabetes.

My grandma (on my moms side) and dad has it.

My mom's bio dad also died of diabetes.

He also got diabetes from working in the military.

He got exposed to a chemical compound called agent orange.

If you don’t know what Agent Orange is, look it up.

It will be so much better then me trying to explain it.

Trust me.

Anyway.

So diabetes runs in both sides of the family.

And being overweight is a good way to get it.

There's also probably a ton of other shit that I have a higher chance of getting that runs in the family from being overweight.

So yeah, I should really lose weight.

But it hurts so much to exercise.

My ankles, knees, back, (mostly lower back) shoulders, and neck hurt all the time.

And exercise makes it worse.

On top of that, when I run, sprint, jump, or even climb a set of stairs, I get a real bad pain were my heart is, my lugs start to burn like Hell, and I start to cough uncontrollably which only makes my lungs hurt worse and starts to make my throat hurt.

Even if it's for short distances.

I can't even run halfway across a school gym before I get like that.

And if I walk really long distances, that pain starts to show up in my heart.

I start to cough a little, but it's nothing compared to running.

My dad always says (queue whiney mocking voice) "It'll get better as you lose weight. Just quit your damn bitching and start exercising. It'll be so much better."

Well here's the thing dad!

Those are lies!

It doesn't get better!

I have lost a bit of weight!

And if anything, the pain has gotten worse over the years!

...

A few years ago I could run around our yard for a few minutes and be just fine.

Now I can't even run down the street, without hurting.

If I see my bus as I'm turning down the street, I don't run.

Most people would, not wanting to miss the bus.

But the bus can see me, and I'm not gonna bring myself pain just to catch the bus.

Because I can't even run a few feet without hurting.

...

There is so much wrong with me.

Diabetes runs in both sides of the family.

My dad is missing 8 teeth, and this is genetic.

Each generation loses a set more.

So I'm missing 12 teeth.

When my jaw is fully developed, I'll have to get a bone graph before they can put in fake teeth.

Oh yeah, and I don’t have braces, because I can't have them.

Though I don't remember the reason why.

My mom has RA and Fibromyalgia. (She has a ton of shit, but there of less importants.)

Which means my chances of getting them are higher than someone else who doesn't have people in the family with these conditions.

My mom also has seizures.

Which are also genetic.

My brother Alex has gotten them.

Chronic headaches/migraines run in both side of the family.

My doctor thinks I might have scoliosis.

And I live in a family of smokers.

My mom, most of my siblings, and their partners, most of there friends, and my dad used to smoke.

Almost everyone in the family either smokes or vapes.

I don't smoke, but I have been exposed to second hand smoke all my life.

And that's pretty much just as bad.

I know that there's more shit that run in the family, but right know, I can't think about the rest.

Anyway.

I hope you guys are doing well.

Oh yeah, it's now noon.

Damn.

It took me an hour to type this shit out. :/