#but i'm doing better! i have a consistent sleep schedule that i'm happy with!!!

[branches-of-time]

the version of me that writes down these rough drafts is very blunt. and frankly, probably a lot funnier than the version of me that edits them into something i’ll actually post

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in: May 20, 2024 🎀

omg it'd almost the end of May, what the heck? I'm so excited, I leave to Colorado for my 8 weeks of work very soon and I can't wait! it's going to be such a cool experience being in a new place for a while!

Monday was a good day. My dad and my boyfriend both think I overdid it on the physical exertion a bit, and I agree. I took a long walk, outside, in 95 degree heat, with no sunscreen. Which is why they said I overdid it because my chest and shoulders are sooooo sunburnt. But Monday was amazing! Started off strong, ended not as strong but still good!

🩷 What I Accomplished:

~13k+ steps for the day

took an hour and a half long walk outside(it was amazing, I loved it, I stayed hydrated ans soaked up all the sunlight and fresh air)

completed a 30 min beginner pilates workout from Move with Nicole

did my morning journaling and gratitude

wrote down a positive quote of the day and read through my journal where I wrote down some things that I want to read daily

read and "annotated" 14 pages of Atomic Habits

took a 20 minute power nap

worked a ~6.5 hour shift

drank at least ~80oz of water (that's pretty good given I used to drink like 20oz a day and wonder why I never felt good)

took my two medications + vitamin D supplement

took a cool shower and washed my hair at the end of the day

went to sleep early!

💞 Good Things That Happened

my friend and a supervisor im close with complimented my appearance in a way that gave me a confidence/motivational boost

my other friend and I decided we're probably getting our nails done together next week

that same friend ^ and I are going to go shopping next week as well

my work is going to schedule me where I can still go to brunch with my dad on Friday!

my man starts his first day of work on Tuesday (I'm so excited for him! It's gonna suck not being able to text him all day, but I'm so proud of him for getting this job and all the progress he's made)

got complimented on how efficient I was at work by the night shift supervisor

ate goods that made me happy without feeling guilty or anxiety about it

💔 What Could've Gone Better

I over ate a bit at night after work and felt kind of bloated and sick when I went to bed. it's okay tho, things happen, and Tuesday is a new day <3

super sunburnt!!!! my chest and shoulders are bright, bright red! and I'm a naturally pretty tan person, so seeing my skin that red, yep, I'm definitely super burnt! need to wear sunscreen and protective clothes when I take a shorter walk on tuesday

I definitely overdid it on that walk. got too overzealous and pushed myself a lot. my legs were hurting so bad by the end of the day and that's not good. as much as I enjoyed the walk, I need to be so much more kinder to and thoughtful of my body. it does a lot for me, and I need to treat it right <3

💗 Stuff For Tuesday

take a shorter walk outside in the morning

read more of Atomic Habits (and annotate)

begin studying Spanish some more (fell off the habit but I have a lesson next Tuesday the 28th, so I need to be prepared!)

do some gentle morning and night skincare (my face is a little red from yesterday but not too bad since I wore a hat during my walk)

do my morning beginner pilates and gratitude journaling (I've already done these as of right now, but I struggled with the so-called "beginner" pilates video from IsaWelly. practice makes perfect, tho so I've got to keep consistent!)

book nail appointments with my friend for next week (hopefully the nail tech/nail salon I go to has availability for her and I to go together! I also need to pick the design i want!)

budget for this upcoming paycheck and what I need to save vs what I'm going to spend (and need to buy)

work a ~5 hour shift

talk to my man over video call at the end of the day to see how work/training went for him (it's his first day of work, but it's a hands on training kind of day for him as well)

💕 Song of The Day: aespa - Supernova

what an absolutely amazing song omg. aespa literally never misses with their music. I almost put Spicy, but I've been obsessed with Supernove since it dropped. I love it so much <3

That's all for Monday, like I said, it was a beautiful start to the week for me! And here's to Tuesday being a good day as well <3 I hope everyone here has a wonderful beginning of their week!

til next time lovelies 🩷

[jwonsoon]

enhypen as taylor swift songs ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

☾ a/n: i've been listening to a lot of taylor swift recently and maybe i'm crazy but every song somehow reminds me of enhypen. i've been thinking about them non stop so i made a part two of the post ☼ made since you guys liked that one. this might be kinda all over the place but i hope you enjoy !

JUNGWON

cardigan "When I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite"

comfort. he's my perpetual comfort. on days when i feel like i'm doing nothing right, on days when i feel hopeless, he's always there to spark that 1% within me that wants to keep trying. his continuous effort to communicate with engenes despite his busy schedule shows me that the care he holds for us is something so genuine. he reassures me and gives me reasons to love myself. he will see you crying, sit down next to you and patiently wait and listen. comforting you by holding your hand and wiping your tears. he's always there to make your life feel worth living again. jungwon will never leave you hanging or feeling like you aren't enough; you're always enough for him. a/n my jungwonie i love you

JAKE

safe & sound "You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now"

jake to me embodies emotional protection. he's the type to hold you gently while you cry into his arms, rubbing your back telling you it's going to be okay. no matter what happens he's right there by your side the whole time. the reason i picked this song is because i can imagine jake staying up all night with you when you're overwhelmingly anxious. even if his head keeps jerking back and forth because of how tired he is, he'll make sure you fall asleep first so that he can sleep knowing you're alright.

JAY

right where you left me "You left me no choice but to stay here forever"

angsty, i know. there's two reasons why i think this song perfectly captures him. one being, his loyalty. no matter what happens he'll stay by your side. there are time when it's hard to keep going and there's a back and forth struggle but jay will be consistent and check in on you. he will sit by you and wait for you to feel better, his patience has no end when it comes to those he cares about and it's his most charming quality among many others. i also just think he's so "first love" coded. you are never getting over jay! no matter how hard you try! - but don't worry because he's waiting for you to come back too...

NIKI

paper rings "I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings"

thats bestie!!! riki symbolizes happy young love for me. best friends to lovers type. his teasing flirty manner would always make you giggle. knowing how artsy he is he would definitely make you some goofy paper ring and "propose" to you, leaving you a flustered mess. i just think this song is so upbeat and pretty and incapsulates niki's playfulness perfectly. a/n i love him so much i'm going to rip my walls out.

HEESEUNG

gorgeous "You're so gorgeous, I can't say anything to your face"

i mean... do i even have to explain? heeseung's charm is irresistible. no matter how much his constant teasing would annoy you, when you look up and see his face all of it melts away. he's so hallway crush coded, he would make you feel all giddy inside simply because of a passing head nod or just a slight smile. don't even get me started on his perfect laugh and smile! i can write a 4000 word essay on it. anywho, it's self explanatory. heeseung = gorgeous!

SUNOO

invisible string And isn't it just so pretty to think, all along there was some, Invisible string, Tying you to me?

sunoo is destiny. i remember watching iland and from the very beginning my eyes were hooked onto him. and now, here i am, three years later writing this. his comforting smile and how he gives so much love to those around him helps me recognize how genuinely kind of a person he is. he's someone you want to keep close. no matter what happens sunoo will always find a way to provide you with solace and light on the darker days. he's pretty, the concept of soulmates is pretty, he is such a person destined to be loved and cared for deeply. no one ever hurt him please.

SUNGHOON

the way i loved you "So in love that you act insane and that's the way I loved you"

now, let me preface this by saying, i don't think sunghoon is toxic... this is just to feed my angst loving delusions. sunghoon is the one the got away. he's the one who you cared for so deeply but it was right person wrong time. despite how much he pushed to keep your relationship intact it was hard for him. he didn't want to fight you, he wanted to fight for you. sunghoon is the type to not let you leave until you figure it out with him. he'll sit with you even if you yell at him and just listen to you. he's cares about you so deeply that you can't help but constantly think about him even when he isn't there. - because he is also constantly thinking about you.

[linguenuvolose]

2024 goals - March progress

I can't claim I focussed on my goals at all this month... Idk I don't really see them as goals either they're just kinda.. things I keep some track of. I know I said this last month but I think April will be more productive because this month for sure spring will feel like it's here (we're still waiting for the trees to turn green, it snowed A Lot last week, just to give you an idea of the situation).

Anyway love and light below are some reflections on my specific goals :)

Get back into a reading routine

I've kept on reading Orlando by Virginia Woolf and I only have 35 pages left. I'm still not consistent at all with it, I read a bit about once a week. I find it so hard to reach for the book instead of my phone, it's annoying because I really do enjoy the book.

Meet friends at least once a month

I've had some good hangouts this month, mostly others that have been reaching out. I'm happy because one of my friends came to my boyfriend's show and was so excited about it and I'm happy they are bonding! In April I have plans to go visit a friend who lives in another city (one of my closest friends who will also meet my boyfriend for the first time) and I'm also planning to reach out to another friend!

Do the damn exercises for my back :(

I did them like.... 2,5 times :( not good at all. And my salsa classes stopped in the middle of the month and I've decided to not continue so it's not looking perfect. Hopefully with the extra light we get now I can have more energy to do them in the evening.

Get better at Portuguese

I signed up for the Portuguese course at uni <3333 Hopefully I'll get in and I'll be able to do that in the fall. I studied in some way 11 days of the month which isn't nothing!! Started doing Clozemaster and I really like it, especially on the writing mode (let's be honest, all my knowledge in Romance languages makes the "choose from these four options" a walk in the park for me). It's super annoying that the free plan only allows you 30 words a day. What I really should do is produce more, write little texts and stuff.

Get my license

We're still waiting for the permit to be able to practice driving with my boyfriend but it's taking a while... I've had 2 lessons though (was supposed to have 3 but one got cancelled). I don't know that I feel that I'm getting any better but I do really have to start studying the theory. It would be nice to talk to my instructor also and ask him what he thinks a reasonable time frame would be for me. In my head I'm seeing myself getting the license during the summer but who knows.

Get back into the habit of going on walks

I have been on some walks this month but more in the sense of I am somewhere and walk a bit instead of taking the closest subway. But I mean now with the change of the hour and the warmer weather I for sure am seeing myself going on more walks!

Go to the theatre more (youth discount my beloved) and also to some museums!

I went to the Maurizio Cattelan exposition at the Modern art museum because my friend had a free entrance with her job. I actually really liked it! Unfortunately I was in a bit of a hurry so I didn't have time to meander or look at the other expositions but I would love to go back! They do the free entry on Friday evenings so I think I might go!

Improve my sleeping schedule

I actually compiled my statistics for this this month (yay!). Slept an average of 7h15 but if we just look at work nights it's 6h20. Not great... It's not something I've paid particular attention to this month but I think I should. I think a goal could be maybe sleep before 1 more often (this month it was 3 times hihihi ma come siamo messi raga).

[maidenvault]

not WIP Wednesay lol

I don't know if anyone else is interested in Crosshair/Howzer after those last episode but uhhh I'm writing it. Here's a preview of them hiding out in an old wrecked ship while on a mission together. (Edit: this fic is finished and posted)

“I bet Omega doesn’t like that she’ll be separated from most of you for the start of this mission.” He made a noise of confirmation under his breath. Howzer didn’t know the half of it. “She’ll never let us go without her, so that’s the deal. She’ll be with Hunter waiting until the first team has made it to Tantiss.” Howzer gave him a mild smile, now starting to remove parts of his armor. “She’ll be fine with her brothers there. You all trained her well.” That got a dismissive little huff of laughter out of him. “I had nothing to do with it.” He paused, hiding with effort the darker place his thoughts went from there. “I’m only here with you now because she doesn’t listen to anything I say.” When he looked directly up at Howzer again, he saw he was stripped down to just his body glove and now beginning to peel the top off over his head. “What are you doing?” Howzer couldn’t seem to hold back one of those broad smiles of his that made his skin crinkle at the corners of his eyes. “I remember Cody said the sonic shower works,” he answered, now bare-chested and freeing himself from the sleeves. Crosshair arched an eyebrow at him. For kriff sake, he’d never seen anyone so nerf-karking happy about using a shoddy old shower. “Well, no offense,” Howzer said in answer to his look, “but it’ll make it a more charming atmosphere on the voyage back, don’t you think?” For a strange few seconds Crosshair was struck silent, so disoriented by this vaguely ribbing comment from Howzer of all people, by the way it was accompanied by Howzer’s eyes briefly going up and down his…person. But this wasn’t the first time he had found Howzer to seem a bit pampered in his sensibilities compared to other clones. Serving as Cham Syndulla’s security and remaining comfortably stationed on one planet for so long, getting sunlight every day and a consistent sleep schedule, had appeared when Crosshair first met him to give him a certain healthy radiance. He'd since heard from one of the defectors of his squad that on special occasions Howzer and some of his men had even been invited to join the Syndullas at their dinner table, treated almost like part of the kriffing family, and the clones on duty those nights would get cakes sent to them to enjoy at their posts. Crosshair supposed if he’d been used to all that not long ago instead of spending much of his life in space, he wouldn’t like sharing close quarters with others for many hours either. “Nice,” he drawled sarcastically once he had recovered from his surprise. “You’d have gotten a much better wash if I let you slip into that ravine, and then you wouldn’t have to smell me anymore.”

[pastel-charm-14]

+*:ꔫ:*﹤self care quiz ﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟ

take this quiz to reflect on your self-care habits and discover areas where you can nurture yourself more effectively. remember, self-care looks different for everyone, so trust your instincts and be honest with yourself as you answer each question. let's get started:

1. how often do you prioritize time for relaxation and rejuvenation in your daily routine?

a) every day

b) a few times a week

c) occasionally

d) rarely or never

2. do you regularly engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, such as hobbies, creative pursuits, or spending time with loved ones?

a) yes, frequently

b) sometimes

c) rarely

d) not at all

3. how well do you manage stress and cope with challenges in your life?

a) i have healthy coping mechanisms in place and manage stress effectively

b) i'm working on developing better stress management skills

c) stress often overwhelms me, and i struggle to cope

d) i tend to avoid or ignore stressors altogether

4. do you prioritize your physical health by eating nutritious foods, staying hydrated, and getting regular exercise?

a) yes, i prioritize my physical health and make healthy choices consistently

b) i try to make healthy choices most of the time, but i could improve in some areas

c) i struggle to maintain healthy habits consistently

d) i neglect my physical health and often make unhealthy choices

5. how well do you prioritize your mental and emotional well-being by practicing self-care activities such as mindfulness, self-compassion, and seeking support when needed?

a) i prioritize my mental and emotional well-being and engage in self-care activities regularly

b) i try to practice self-care, but it's not always consistent

c) i often neglect my mental and emotional needs

d) i rarely prioritize my mental and emotional well-being and rarely practice self-care activities

6. how well do you set and maintain boundaries in your relationships and daily life to protect your time, energy, and well-being?

a) i'm assertive about setting boundaries and prioritize my needs without feeling guilty

b) i sometimes struggle to set boundaries but recognize the importance of doing so

c) i have difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries, and often feel overwhelmed by others' demands

d) i rarely set boundaries and often sacrifice my own needs to accommodate others

7. how well do you prioritize getting enough rest and sleep to support your overall health and well-being?

a) i prioritize sleep and consistently get enough rest each night

b) i prioritize sleep most of the time, but occasionally struggle to maintain a consistent sleep schedule

c) i often sacrifice sleep to meet other demands or struggle with sleep disturbances

d) i neglect my sleep needs and often feel tired or fatigued throughout the day

now, tally up your scores:

for every "a" answer, give yourself 4 points

for every "b" answer, give yourself 3 points

for every "c" answer, give yourself 2 points

for every "d" answer, give yourself 1 point

interpret your score:

25-28 points: congratulations! you prioritize your well-being and practice self-care effectively. keep up the great work!

18-24 points: you're on the right track with your self-care habits, but there's room for improvement in some areas. consider ways to nurture yourself more consistently.

10-17 points: it seems like you could benefit from prioritizing your well-being more effectively. focus on incorporating self-care activities into your routine and seeking support when needed.

7-9 points: it's clear that you're neglecting your self-care needs. remember that prioritizing your well-being is essential for overall health and happiness. consider reaching out for support and exploring ways to nurture yourself more effectively.

no matter your score, remember that self-care is an ongoing journey, and it's never too late to start prioritizing your well-being. listen to your needs, be kind to yourself, and take small steps each day to nurture your body, mind, and soul. you deserve it!

reply with your answer!

-love, pastel

[oneirataxia-girl]

this is the second part to @supermarine-silvally's ask, found here! they asked for quite a few questions for my One Piece ships, Kenji x Killer & Law x Mari x Kid, Keller's answers can be found here, while this post is all for Midlaw. so let us begin! tagging the other anime girlie @auxiliarydetective as well

1. How did they meet and what were their first impressions of each other?

Mari knew of Kid and Law long before the three crews landed on Sabaody, she's intrigued by Law's abilities, but thinks Kid is a senseless, bloodthirsty idiot. but it's KidLaw that met first on Sabaody, it's dislike at first sight <3 Kid thinks Law is a stuck-up "I'm better than you" kinda guy and is itching to beat him up in the new world, while Law thinks Kid is unnecessarily destructive and overall not someone he wants to associate with

KidLaw see Mari for the first time at the auction house, where she gets the collars and chains off the other prisoners with the keys Franky got; Kid thinks that his assumption that she's the weakest out of the Strawhats (for context, Mari consistently has the second-lowest bounty, second only to Chopper) was right, while Law is slightly unnerved by the fact that she seems to pop out of nowhere, but also thinks she's not that dangerous

2. What kind of dynamic do they have with each other?

black cat x orange cat x black cat, rival crews to tentative allies to unmarried divorced throuple to 'if I don't see my gf & bf/bfs in the next five seconds I will bring down this building', "we're going our separate ways." "... yeah?" "it's for the best that we don't meet again soon." "agreed."

3. What do others think of them?

the Heart pirates are the captains of the Lari ship the second Law introduces Mari to them, but after Wano Bepo, Shachi, and Penguin are thrown off because they get the feeling that their captain doesn't hate Captain Eustass like he claims; the Kid pirates board it after watching Kid trying to subtly show off in front of Mari & Law (neither of them is impressed, but neither of them would admit that it was a bit flustering to be scooped up with one arm so that's that); and the Strawhats (namely Brook, Franky, Chopper, and Robin after a bit) are on board as soon as they work it out, Nami got a bag of berry from Kenji from betting that Mari would fall for Law, but she and Kenji both lost money to Robin because she's the only one to bet that their crewmate would like both Law and Kid, Zoro could not care less who Mari likes as long as it's not harming the crew, but he's subjected to both Kenji and Sanji's lamenting so he drags Jimbei and Usopp in to argue that it's not their business, meanwhile Luffy has no idea about any of this and is just wondering why Mari's more mopey than usual

5. Is their joint future bright or bleak?

ideally yes, Idc if I have to trample canon I WILL give them a happy ending and there's nothing Oda can do to stop me

7. Do they have a desire to protect each other?

normally, no -- actually, Kid & Law did think Mari would need to have someone watching her back, but after seeing her on Wano, both of them know Mari would not appreciate them fighting for her. similarly, Mari isn't too fussed about their safety because she knows Law and Kid can handle themselves. but if one of them goes down, you can bet the other two are going to go full demon on whoever did that

10. Who would win in a fight?

okay this one deserves its own dissertation post, so I won't elaborate much here. it depends on where the fight is and if the three of them are at their fullest abilities or not, but it's probably ending in a tie or a surprise takedown after two of them are exhausted

12. Who is a better caregiver?

Mari. Law has no sleeping schedule and survives on onigiri with black coffee and probably has no idea how to show that he cares for people, Kid is a freak of nature and probably would've died long before he set sail if it wasn't for Killer and also has no idea how to show affection other than be less mean towards them. it's not a hard competition when one of them has oldest daughter syndrome and middle child syndrome at the same time

15. Who has better fashion sense?

it's a tie between Mari and Law. sorry Kid but I can't look past those pants 😭

20. What's the worst thing about them teaming up?

to be on the receiving end of their blows. think Kidlaw fighting Big Mom, then add in a phantom that always strikes to incapacitate (or kill, depending on the situation) at the worst possible times for the receiver, which just so happens to hit the weakest spots every single time. if Mari adds in her dust bombs and puts her devil fruit to active combat, then it's just overkill if they're not fighting someone Yonko level

21. What's the best thing about them teaming up?

to be on the same side as them, especially if you're not a good fighter, you can just sit back and watch Law dice up people and Kid disarming (sometimes literally) the other side, while Mari pops out of nowhere to string up some poor terrified guys then gives a quick report about what's ahead then vanishes again (this is ghostwritten by Kenji, Usopp, Nami, and Chopper)

36. What is a gift one would give to the other?

Kid makes metal flowers for both Mari and Law, as well as some other practical bits and bobs. Mari and Law I can't really see getting gifts (I hc Law prefers to give quality time and Mari acts of service) but Mari makes matching necklaces for the three of them when they tie the knot

39. What's an inside joke they'd have together?

how long will it take for Kenji to accept that his sister is hopelessly in love and has no intentions of leaving her boyfriends (he's actually happy and relieved that someone wants Mari, but he pretends to dislike them to keep them on their toes); what insane thing will Luffy do today and which one of them is the unlucky recipient of a rubber hug; Kid can't do housework at ALL

45. If one of them was in trouble, what would the others do?

hunt down the people responsible and show them exactly why people don't mess with what's theirs

48. If they swapped bodies, how would they handle it?

okay this will probably also require a long explanation and this is long enough as it is, so I'll answer this some other time with doodles to show the scene in my head ;)

give me a number + relationship and I'll tell you something about that relationship!

[crystalelemental]

Kitties update.

We've seen some funny stuff with Gia. For whatever reason, one morning she was super spooked and wasn't calming down too much, so any time we moved she'd startle and run away. One such surprise had her run to the window alcove...where Bond was. Gia froze and just stared at him, but refused to leave the window. Bond, for his part, looked up at her, hissed, then laid back down and went to sleep. Gia hesitated a moment, but did wind up leaving. It was just...very silly.

We also got the laser pointer back. Turns out, Gia loves the laser pointer. It's the only toy we've gotten her to respond consistently to. She had active big play, even with us in the room. This is great for Gia, but also for Coco, who has destroyed her rope stick. There's a toy with like a feather toy attached to a stretchy rope thing, which is then attached to a firm rod you wave around to make it move. Coco, ever the gremlin, loved chewing on the rod part. Which finally broke apart to the point that, while playing with it, it just snapped off. Fortunately, she likes the rope part too, but goddamn girl, must you destroy everything?

Speaking of bastardry, we've been waking up to various items pulled out toward the back door, near the guest room the cats like. We had kinda assumed it was Coco, given...well, everything about her. Until one day, my wife caught Gia picking up the sponge from the sink and running off with it. So it turns out Gia might be the hoarder. Her desired items include the sponge, the TV remote, my exercise bands, among others. I found their lost jiggle bell beanbag toy, and that seems to have momentarily reduced their tendency to play with things that are not toys. But they are a problem. They tore up an entire roll of paper towels! Stop destroying everything!

Bond has been getting better about Coco being present on the bed with him. He isn't happy about it and will chase her away if she gets too uppity, but honestly at this point I'm on his side. He's no longer getting annoyed about her presence, or even proximity. He's losing patience with her flopping around on the bed trying to play while we're sleeping. So like. Honestly dude, just slap her a little. Don't actually hurt her, but kick her ass just a little. I think he actually may have one time. She has not learned any lesson whatsoever.

We also have confirmed, live evidence of Coco Meows. A fly got into the house, and she got really excited about its presence. When I got up to take care of it, she gave a non-distressed meow. Prior, we've only heard her meow when she's scared or worried, like when we close her out of the room at night or we have to put them in the carry case. But it turns out, much like Gia, she has a very soft, cute meow. Which is...deceptive, really.

We're also finding out that Bond doesn't actually like almost anything but Chicken. We'd assumed he wasn't eating much of some of his dinners because he just doesn't eat much, and got him little half-portion meals. But then he ate none of it for anything fish-related. He only eats the chicken. Boy just likes his land animals, I suppose.

All three have started to learn timing in the schedule. Coco will come snuggle just before bed, Bond knows exactly when 5pm is for dinner and when the wife is set to get out of work, and Gia's pretty aware of her meal times. She'll kinda hover outside of the room starting around 6am for breakfast. I've had to rotate less demands in the morning for her. She doesn't like to approach for fear of getting picked up, so although she's used to it and calm, she doesn't like it. So I have to switch it up so she can't tell when it's going to happen. Which shouldn't be often, we just have a vet appointment in two weeks.

They're doing well. No major updates, but they are goofs.

[certifiedbitch777]

New Year, New Me?

Entry Date: 2/2/2024

I am currently 23 years old. The age I always hear carries the most tribulations for our early 20s, which has pretty much been my pain point as I have no idea what I'm doing in life.

Shocking, I know, right?

Before I got my current corporate job, I had so much passion. I want to try out everything in life. I wanted to be a writer, dancer, singer, actor, psychologist - Shit, I even tried to do IT because why the fuck not? I had so much energy and drive I felt like I could conquer the world. And yet, here I am now, and I have no passion, interest, or drive. I'm literally just floating in life right now, not knowing what the fuck to do next.

I'm in survival mode, to be honest. The only thing that is hardwired into my brain is the goal of getting this shmoney.

Despite all this, I still feel lazy since I have no ambition for anything outside of money. My mind is plagued by what I should and shouldn't do and all I can land on is 'I don't fucking know :|'. 

Regardless of this unclarity and lack of ambition, I only want a clear sense of direction. I want to get going already, but I don't know what steps to take. Again, I understand I'm only 23 years old, but still. I need that clarity to take action on a path I know I will be satisfied with, but once again IDFK.

There's no way around this phase at this point; It's inevitable. The only thing I guess I can implement is going on a deep assessment of my life (once again) and reviewing what is and isn't working for me. I've just been avoiding doing this because it is tiring and tedious.

Fuck, maybe I'm just being lazy.

I mean, tbh, it isn't fun; It just sounds like a load of work.

Damn, I think I'm lazy...

I mean, they say it takes 30 to 60 days to break a habit. I'll start looking into my bad habits and see what I can get out of that. 

Here's a list of my current shitty habits that I'll be challenging:

Sleeping before or at midnight: My sleep schedule is terrible for a variety of reasons, but I want to start sleeping before midnight to practice better sleeping habits. For reference, I typically stay up until 3am despite working in the morning.

Waking up before 8am: Okay, so this is mainly to be able to study for my permit (Yes, I'm 23 and don't know how to drive. Who's gonna check me??) and work out. This will also allow me downtime after work (5pm).

Consistent Oral Hygiene: Okay, before y'all supposedly clean freaks call me gross, I'm not saying I don't brush my teeth. I do, and twice a day at that, along with using my Therabreath mouthwash. I just need to be consistent with flossing, specifically at night. I've been getting better at it, but I want to implement it into my daily routine.

Taking Daily Medications: I suck at consistently taking my mood stabilizers, as it just makes me feel dreary and sleepy throughout the day. Since I stopped taking it consistently, my mood hasn't been the best. Needless to say, I'm not gonna do that anymore.

Working Out: I've been athletic for as long as I can remember. However, in recent years, I've been on and off and want to get back to having a snatched waist with a phat dumpy. I'm already comfortable with my current size, but to be back in shape wouldn't hurt. I think I'll be sharing my journey with pictures every so often so that you guys can have a realistic peek into my journey.

Eating Habits: I need to eat healthier, PERIOD. I don't have the worst eating, but it's terrible for me because I'm very impulsive with food and suffer from an eating disorder. I have toggled between binging and starving myself many times in the past, so I want to try to find that sweet spot where I can eat healthily and not feel deprived to the point where I binge.

Prioritize Health: Both physical and mental. I suck at this and, at times, can let work take a toll on my everything. Last year almost broke me, and I don't want this year to be the same. I need to be happy and healthy. No comprising at all.

So yeah, that's my list. Once again, I'm just going to point out I am a lazy girl and I have terrible habits, however, I do want to make a change because I'm really tired of this loop.

I want to reach all of my financial, personal, and career goals this year so badly. The good thing is I have some steps to outline what I need to change. The challenge is pushing through to get the end result :\

Anyway, I will most likely post my initial progress for my journey for working out and do bi-weekly check-ins to track my progress.

This may sound corny, but New Year, New Me?

[firstdivisiongirl]

HiI! I'd like to request a matchup for my perfect match in Tokyo Revengers

I go by she/her and my MBTI type is ISFJ (might be incorrect)

I love to read, write fiction stories, and draw. I read a variety of genres, one of those being Fantasy, romance, mystery, horror, and adventure.

I hate getting touched by people but at the same time I crave it. I suffer from Germophobia, which is an extreme fear of germs/dirty stuff. I only allow people I trust and have spent a long time with to touch me otherwise I'd feel uncomfortable and annoyed. (Last time that happened I had a panic attack and cleaned my whole room.)

I am a very loyal and caring person towards my loved ones. I would go out of my way to do everything for them such as giving them a story I wrote or something I drew for them. However I am easily angered. I hate people who lack empathy for others, when people make assumptions about me, and when people are just straight up stupid.

I spent hours inside the world in my head. I like to imagine scenarios of my original characters and their very own world.

I'm very anxious. One thing would easily worry me and it could either get worse or better. It's pretty bad. I've cried for a whole week because of it. I need to constantly be reassured.

Speaking of crying, I tend to cry by myself and quietly in my room. I hate it when my family finds out about it and I always act like I was fine when they come to my room.

I'm scared of being abandoned by my loved ones. I always worry that one day my best friend will leave me and I wish I could have more friends.

I keep my problems to myself. Not once have I ever told a single person in my life about what I'm going through because I don't want to burden them and I just don't know how to open up in general.

I'm pretty harsh on myself. I would always sulk whenever I couldn't bring myself to study or do something productive. I feel disappointed in myself and a failure to my parents.

I'm hesitant to eat out of fear of worsening my health. Whenever I eat a large portion of food, I would always regret it and avoid eating so much or eating nothing at all.

Based on fashion style, I don't know. I just wear whatever is available but I so desperately wish I could wear a more Gothic style or Coquette. I love pretty pink colors but also dark colors. I wear modest clothes. Anything tight or revealing makes me uncomfortable.

When it comes to music, I LOVE The Neighborhood, Lana Del Rey, Melanie Martinez, Isabel Larosa, and Lady Gaga.

I also HATE summer. I hate the heat, sweating makes me more annoyed than usual.

I'm a morning person but I cannot sleep consistently. My sleep schedule always gets messed up after 3 days.

I would love to go out with someone I know to explore abandoned/haunted buildings. I've never done that but I would not turn down the opportunity when given.

I love the rain, especially when it's quiet and empty whenever I'm at. I just love a gloomy/creepy atmosphere.

I think that's all there is to me. I would put more but it goes against my privacy. 😭

I would prefer a male character, thanks! ❤

Hey hey hey. Let’s get you a match. I hope you like it.

You Got…

Ryusei Satou!!!

Loves a good haunted place! Will take you to haunted places for dates.

Feel like you two have similar taste in music

He would support you and tell you that you are perfect no matter how bad you feel.

He is extremely loyal. You would never have to worry about him ever leaving you

Would respect your disliking of germs. He wouldn’t touch you if you didn’t want him too

I think he would enjoy you reading to him white he naps. It would make him happy to hear your voice as he dreams

[huggingtentacles]

Alright!! So. Lucid dreaming. I've been introduced to the concept a few years ago. For those who don't know, lucid dreaming is when you become aware of the fact that you're dreaming, but you don't wake up. It's a pretty neat brain trick which allows you to control your dreams. It's pretty fun. This thing is less of a skill, and more of a habit to me. People do a bunch of different methods to start lucid dreaming (but some are just luckier than others with the way their brain works).

This is not an exact science, I'm just telling you how I do this. There are some conditions for this, some you can control, some you don't.

First and foremost, you need to be less stressed throughout the day. I know it's kinda outside of our control most of the time, but if you happen to he less anxious during a certain day, you can try lucid dreaming. The reason why you need to be less stressed is because of the brain lag that happens when you're falling asleep while being aware of it. Your brain kinda gives you a little shock and snaps you back. This happens because of stress.

Note that when I say stress, I mean not only fear or anxiety. I mean all kinds of stress, even if it's happy stress. If your life is particularly exciting, lucid dreaming is pretty difficult. You need a calm day. Being fed and hydrated also helps.

Another thing is that your sleep schedule has to be relatively consistent. The amount of sleep and when you're going to sleep doesn't matter, what matters is that you're doing it roughly at the same time every day.

I wanna repeat that it's what I figured out myself, and other people on the internet can give you better guides. I am not sure if it's efficient, correct or even healthy. Do this at your own discretion.

Alright, now the method. What you wanna do is wake up during a certain stage of your sleep, for me it comes roughly 1.5-2 hours before waking up. You set an early alarm and go to sleep.

When the alarm goes off, you will be in this half-sleeping state. The one where your bed feels like the best place in the world and you wanna fall back to sleep again. What you wanna do is, in this state, you get out of bed and do something. Go to the bathroom, drink some water, but nothing too difficult or exciting, you don't wanna wake up completely. You need to maintain this half-sleeping state, but also wake up your mind a little bit so you don't just fall back to normal sleep again.

After that (don't spend more than 1-2 minutes doing what you're doing, also being warm helps) you go back to bed. Now you're conscious, but not fully awake. Now you close your eyes and relax your body. Your face it probably tense, your eyebrows, your tongue, your jaw. Then your shoulders. Relax everything, but stay aware. You will feel like your body goes back to sleep without your brain. I want to add that your body can try to snap you awake during this stage, even if you're meeting the conditions. You may feel a little shock or feel like you're falling for a second. It's fine for a first time, you can just try again. Just don't move or tense up your muscles. If you snap awake, take a deep breath and proceed. You're not really *doing* anything, you're just waiting for your body to fall asleep with your consciousness intact. This feeling is specific and unmissable, and when it starts, you start imagining things. Don't imagine nothing too crazy, just some kind of environment.

If it's outside, imagine the grass/pavement you're touching, the sounds you're hearing. If it's a room, try to imagine what being in this room feels like. This place is kinda your hub area, if you imagine the same place every time, it forms a habit. I'll explain what works for me, it's kind of embarrassing but whatever.

I imagine an empty room, with a bed and me on it. I imagine the blanket, the pillow, but what really grounds me in the dream is imagining someone else in the bed with me. Please hear me out it's not weird stfu. I imagine hugging a person. It doesn't have to be anyone specific, I usually don't even give them a face, I just imagine the sensations related to hugging someone. Their warmth, the texture and feel of their skin, their heartbeat, the smell. I do it because it works and not for any other reason!!!

After that I'm already lucid dreaming. The place feels really fuckin real and really weird at the same time. I get out of my dream bed and walk around a little. It's important to not let the lucidity slip, but also not to startle yourself into waking up. Let your movements be fluid and calm. Btw since you're in a dream, the gravity works as much as you need it to be. Float around a little bit if you want. Get comfortable is what I'm saying.

After you feel completely submerged into the dream, you can get out of your "hub" area and do whatever. Your dreams are up to you now. You have a couple hours like this, but honestly the concept of time doesn't really work there, your brain doesn't register it.

There are a couple "hub" areas and things people focus on to ground themselves into their dream. Some people imagine a tunnel, some imagine themselves underwater (you don't need air in a dream) some imagine a room they're familiar with, fictional or otherwise.

So yeah that's it that's my experience with lucid dreaming. I'm probably doing it wrong but it works.

[studentbyday]

daily encouragement: "prioritize even the tiniest moments of joy. happiness is not one fleeting moment. it's an accumulation of small moments of joy, meaning, and purpose, which means all those small moments count."

somehow it's so hard to focus these days??* perhaps it's the sleep schedule. i'm making myself log my sleep time in my bujo, right? but it's still really hard to keep it consistent 😅 emotionally/mentally, i am better than yesterday. physically, ~, and school-wise, i am definitely, definitely behind.

learning:

20+ mol bio slides ✅ (i only did ~half 😬)

watch mol bio lecture ✅ (most of it... there's some parts i don't get so i need to read about it first)

watch njnja nerd video on amino acid metabolism ✅

biochem section 3, start section 4 ✅

psyc ch 2 of 4

self-care:

physio exercises x2 ✅

meditate ✅ (today is a normal day where i wasn't super sleep deprived, unlike the first day. it seems i generally i have a hard time staying in the moment and letting this go bc as i notice things that are uncomfortable like, e.g. my sitting/lying down position, i just have to fix them or it'll keep bugging me bc now i can't unnotice it, can i?? 😅)

bike ✅ (istg it is such a mood booster. it feels so strange to say bc i usually don't feel this good while doing any kind of exercise but i'm glad it's finally happening cuz i need to exercise daily anyway and it would really suck if i couldn't enjoy it 😅)

journal ✅

🎶 wherever i go - jacob collier (ft. lawrence, michael mcdonald)

*case in point. as if i have the time. but it's getting to be leg and hand warmer season, so i really wanna crochet a pair of each for myself. today i just made the chain and started the first row when i should've been studying (this is in addition to all the scrolling).

[iamthecomet]

Daily update on into the eyes of fire, on yesterday and on today

You‘re so right. Being a perfectionist for me often means that I will not do something at all. Having that mixed with executive dysfunction just doesn’t work out great most of the time.

I‘m happy to talk to you about it, thank you for the offer! I‘m so excited to finish the first chapter, because then I’ll be able to tell so much more

I‘m also very glad that the day was better for you, and that your keyboard works again. For me it was a lot better as well. I had two friends coming over (that also stayed with me for the night) and it was really nice. We managed to finish watching season two of the Witcher, complained about overpowered characters and bad writing together

Then my ADHD kicked in as the others got really tired (they have a nighttime routine that took soooo long, goodness. I‘m glad if I’m able to brush my teeth for 3 minutes). It was pretty funny tho (I put this TikTok sound with „more passion, more passion, more energy, more energy, more footwork…“ on, held the speaker in my hands and danced around (it was a lot of fun tbh. I missed having these random bursts of energy, often caused by having a lot of sugar). It also made me tired so I got to sleep after that

Yeah! Casual nudity ghouls are awesome (they also made me more comfy with nudity, to the point of me running around shirtless at home from time to time. Yesterday even when my friends were over (it was so fucking hot). Like, I was always pretty comfy with nudity, but not to that point)

I did indeed get some drawing done! I finished the third panel of four on the third page (I just need the backgrounds for those first three as well, but I wanna do them all at once)

Today I had a lot of work to do and technically still do, but I am beyond tired and just gave up. Tomorrow will be two checkups and I’m absolutely not ready for one, but I fucking can’t anymore. I‘ll just try with luck because honestly, there is no way in hell I’m able to function enough to do work right now (I’m already glad that I managed to eat something now because my bloodsugar is probably way too low and I think it’s the reason for why I feel so terrible (physically) right now, so I think I’ll look for a sugary drink as well)

I have a headache but I’m really hoping that I‘ll be able to draw for at least an hour now, and that I’ll possibly even finish the third page

I Hope your day was good/is good, and that you got some stuff done that you wanted to do!

~ @owlishanon

Yay progress!! You've done so much work on it this week! I've gotten almost nothing actually finished this week, but it's ok. Sometimes things are just like that. I have a crochet project I'm hoping to finish today. And someday I'll get back into a consistent writing schedule, but probably not today. And your night with your friends sounds so fun!! All of my close friends live at least an hour and a half away from me at this point. So I don't get to have those nights as often as I used to. I hope everything went/goes well today. That sounds stressful, but I'm sure you'll make it through. You've got this!!

[pbandjesse]

I was so nervous today but it ended up being perfectly fine and I'm so excited. I'm also exhausted. But tomorrow will be a good day and I'm really happy right now.

I slept really good last night but I really wish I could have something more. I woke up was a pretty bad upset stomach because I was nervous but I would be fine and James made me breakfast and packed me I cinnamon roll before they left and then I finished getting ready and I left too. I was a little frustrated that James had put cinnamon roll and a container that was bigger than my backpack but that was fine. I didn't really care in the end I just really appreciate that they make me something to eat.

I did do a bad job remember to actually packing real lunch. I just brought cheese crackers and an apple. But I would be good because I was with very busy.

I got there at 8:30 just meeting Elizabeth. And I went to the heaters started over in the arts and crafts building and then I made the loop around so that I would make sure that all the programs were ready to go and I only needed a few supplies that I would drop off later. I went the office to meet the parents you were volunteering to teach each section. And they ended up being so nice! Super helpful. Honestly I had such a good day today regardless of anything. Me being scared because it was my first time for a little uncomfortable because I was cold. I was just having fun.

After I got the parents set up I went back to the lodge to make sure I knew what I was doing and checked him with Elizabeth and then we just waited for the kids. I ended up being almost a half an hour late but that was fine. I just had to shorten my intro a bit and we had to shift some times around. But it ended up not even mattering because the parents were going so fast through their programs and not filling the entire half hour. I hope that the group next week listens to instructions a little bit better about that but it's okay. We got them off the bus and into their seat soon enough.

Once we have them into seats I did my intro and I messed up a few times. Specifically with word piscataway. Because I stumbled and then I second guessed myself. But honestly I think my intro was good because I was super enthusiastic and then I sent everyone off. I really didn't have much to do in between. I would help fair out fixing the times on the schedule because the math was confusing for us for some reason. But then I was able to just sit and read and I did some research about languages which was fun. For the Native American stuff. And comparing dictionaries that I found online. I had a great time.

I would spend some time down in the office with talking to Heather and Alexi and Elizabeth about the research that I had done and we figured out some entomology stuff which was cool that I want to look into more. And Heather said that I was doing such a good job and then I sounded really good on the walkie and that felt really nice. And I was really positive about the changes that I can probably make going forward. And Heather said next year when they are more opened up that I could probably take this over as an almost full-time job. It would be Monday through Thursday and it wouldn't be full 8-hour days. But it would be consistent and because it is seasonal like everything else I do it would be something that was a little bit more guaranteed. And that was really exciting.

So by the time we were finished together a great mood and my closing speech was really good because I asked a lot of questions and had a lot of interactions with the kids. And then I cleaned up all the areas. Elizabeth had to run to go do some stuff for weddings and catering. But I packed everything up so that she could grab it later and talk to Heather for a while. Then I headed home!

I was really really tired. We just had leftovers for dinner. And I have basically been laying down since then. Which is why I'm writing this post so early because I would like to go back to sleep. And I just feel really positive about today and I hope that I can keep that positive feeling going forward. I hear James arguing about sports in the other room and it's making me laugh. And I hope you all have a laugh tonight too. Good night everybody.

[fadingdestinygalaxy]

Getting my feelings and thoughts out tonight.

Here it goes. Its becoming more difficult to cope with each passing day. My sleep hygiene and schedule has been poor, because I can't get my body to go to sleep for a solid 8 hours due to obsessively ruminating on thoughts over and over in my head, feeling paranoid about things, and experiencing severe anxiety and constant worry. I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. I don't have energy to get housework done, to make food for my husband or myself, and most importantly take care of myself in a healthy way. I'm still waiting for my medicine to come in at the doctor. Its been almost a week. I desperately want to talk to my doctor about these medications, because I am having irrational fears about taking the medication and in turn I am suffering worse than I need to be. I spent hours upon hours last night unable to sleep, trying to reassure myself that the medication is safe to take and that I will be okay by reading all about it the medicine over and over again on Google. My obsessive thoughts and paranoid thoughts are getting worse, along with anxiety. This is bullshit. This is debilitating. I have job orientation coming up on Wednesday and I can't even fucking think straight. I can't relax. I can't even laugh at South Park right now. The only thing I can do at the moment is get my worries of impending doom out on paper/Tumblr in hopes that it will relieve some of the crippling anxiety. I WANT to do better for myself and fucking FEEL better. I am chomping at the goddamn bits until I can get into therapy so I can let all of my fears out, and everything that has been obstructing my growth and happiness.. I want and need to go consistently every week to therapy. I want to take my medicine without crippling fear of something bad happening. I want and need to be a better and more healthy version of myself for my husband and friends and especially myself. I am in a state of survival right now and I so fucking desperately want to feel normal, and healthy and especially get some mother fucking sleep for 8 solid goddamn hours so I can climb the ladder of getting shit done and doing better for myself and those around me. I just want these obsessive compulsive behaviors and anxiety and depression to go the fuck away. I'm doing my best to get a goddamn grip.

[kyoosoup]

atp it's almost impressive how quickly I overthink things like what the flip, brain.

I am constantly that scene from meet the robinsons or whatever it's called where the villain is misinterpreting Goob's backstory to try to make him his little villain apprentice so flashback Goob is like walking down the halls and everyone's like "hey goob!" "goob!" And the villain narrator is like "they all hated me". idk why I didn't just send a gif or something that would've been easier and I realized that about halfway through explaining the scene but at a certain point I was just like. "Well . I've gotten this far." Anyways that scene is me a lot of the time.

hrmmmm other random thoughts? my ailment of the day is bug bites. They are incredibly annoying. I first noticed them yesterday night while watching Hunter x hunter and banana fish but I just thought they were rashes or something and then today at work I was trying my best not to scratch them but now that I'm home I have caved and unfortunately confirmed they are bites so now I'm suffering. I suppose it's better maybe than my ailment yesterday which was a really bad stomach ache out of the blue. I hadn't worked for like 10 days so I had almost forgotten what it was like to have stomach aches consistently. I'm not sure if it's the waking up early, stress, or weird food diet that causes my stomachaches. but whatever it is , it's pretty annoying.

Another annoying thing is that I've been getting really sleepy at like 3-4pm every day. this is annoying for a number of reasons 1) I don't want to nap because that feels like a waste of free time. 2) I don't want to nap because every time I've done that in the past I get really bad headaches and feel gross the rest of the day and can't sleep at night. 3) I can't drink caffeine because caffeinated coffee makes my stomach hurt and caffeine in general makes me so incredibly anxious. The other day I had matcha and forgot it had caffeine until the evening when I felt so anxious that I could like feel it in my chest almost. I couldn't tell you what I was anxious about , I was just super anxious. just thinking about it is stressing me out. 3) I can't sleep in cause work. 4) I can't fall asleep early. I mean I guess if I really worked at it I could try to help my sleep schedule better but then that takes away a lot of my free time. Evening/night time is when I try to forget about my slightly depressing life situation. And also when I can recharge on my own before bed. so if I were to sleep earlier, I wouldn't have as much of the quiet time, away from the loudness of the rest of the day. Idk

but yeah my sleepiness in the middle of the day has been making it really hard to do much because I'm too sleepy and demotivated to do anything until the evening when I'm more awake again . and also it's hard to do low energy things such as binge Hunter x hunter because I keep DOZING OFF at pivotal moments. so sad.

Who knew that experiencing life as it was meant to be experienced would make me dislike working more than I already did? I suppose I like some aspects of working but the fact that I HAVE to work and am not CHOOSING to work make all the difference really. That's a thing , I think. Like if you're already planning on doing the dishes and then someone tells you to do them so now you don't want to. It's like that

What am I even yapping about ???????? I've lost where I was going with all this. This is what happens when I get in my head, I just think all the thoughts

I have more I think but maybe that's enough screaming into the void for rn cause I could probably go on for ages and this is getting depressing tbh

what's something happy I can end this off with so I don't feel bad ??? oh ! I remembered about the existence of beignets. those are pretty solid and I haven't had one in a while so now I kinda want one. my other craving lately has been very specific chips and spicy salsa from a segment of a veggie tales episode where Archibald Asparagus eats spicy chips and salsa and it gives him these bad nightmares about his restaurant being invaded or something and his friend played by Mr lundt tells him to stop eating the spicy salsa right before bed. I got sidetracked again clearly but you get the idea.

if you read this far you should get an award