#but no matter what i do think my points here are incredibly important and are not often spoken about!!!

[phippeet]

this is a rant about bbc ghosts s5, there is slight spoilers and also mentions of homophobia so if you dont want to read those things scroll away :)

i loved the captains story but one thing that really really bothers me is the way his whole story was executed and handled. It makes me upset to see even in 2023 that we still have the problem of queer characters not given as much time as straight characters with their stories. like, in five years and five seasons we had to wait till the end of the second to last episode to find out how he died, and then it was not gone into depth about. it was definitely rushed, and it didnt really even have anything to do with the overarching plot of the episode like how most of the other characters stories did. and then you could also arguably even dismiss it because its so vague. and after the captain tells everyone how he died, theres no real acknowledgement about his queerness, or real acceptance. even though all of the ghosts definitely already knew, they could have said something about his queerness specifically. honestly he doesnt actually 'come out.' and then with the last line of the last episode being the captain being arguably the most outwardly gay hes ever been makes it worse. it makes me sad when a show that i love so dearly and that has such beautiful writing and characters falls into this homophobic trope of not giving the queer characters the time they deserve. because of what the creators said, i thought it would delve deeper into him. it would be a good story. but it was just dissapointing honestly. and honestly i could brush it off. but ive seen SO MANY shows and movies and books do this same thing. for some reason specifically with gay men. it just makes me upset to see this over and over and over and over and every single time the creators say it will be a good story and live up to expectations, but then it falls flat. i hate living in a world where the stories about me and the stories i want to see are sidelined.

like i said, i really did love the season, or series, i guess, and i liked the captains story, i dont think it matters how sad it was because that aspect fits within the world and the character and his time period. but what really hurts is seeing the shows and creators you love so much seemingly not care enough about you to actually show stories about people like you. it really really sucks.

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

[jewelleria]

I don’t usually talk about politics on here, if ever. But it’s been almost six months since the conflict in the Middle East flared up again, and I’m finally ready to start. Here are some of my thoughts.

I say ‘flared up’ because this has happened before and it’ll happen again. Because, even though what's currently going on is absolutely unprecedented, those of us who live in this part of the world are used to it. Let that sink in: we are used to this. And we shouldn’t have to be. 

But I use that term for another reason: I don't want to accidentally call it the wrong thing lest I come under fire for being a genocidal maniac or a terrorist or a propaganda machine, etc., etc.—so let’s just call it ‘the war’ or ‘the conflict.’ Because that’s what it is. Doesn’t matter which side you’re on, who you love, or who you hate. 

This post will, in all likelihood, sit in my drafts forever. If it does get posted, it certainly won’t be on my main, because I'm scared of being harassed (spoiler: she posted it on her main). I hate admitting that, but honestly? I’m fucking terrified. 

I also feel like in order for anything I say on here (i.e. the hellscape of the internet) to be taken seriously, I have to somehow prove that a) I’m “educated” enough to talk about the conflict, and b) that my opinion lines up with what has been deemed the correct one. So, tedious and unnecessary though it is, I will tell you about my experience, because I have a feeling most of the people reading this post are not nearly as close to what’s happening as I am.

How do I explain where I live without actually explaining where I live? How do I say “I live in the Red Zone of international conflicts” without saying what I actually think? How do I convey the fear that grips me when I try to decide between saying “I live in Palestine” and “I live in Israel”? I don't really know. But I do know that names are important. I also know that, due to the various clickbaity monikers ascribed to the conflict, it would probably just be easier to point to a map. 

I haven't always lived in the Middle East. I've lived in various places along America’s east coast, and traveled all over the world. But in short, I now live somewhere inside the crudely-drawn purple circle. 

If you know anything about these borders you probably blanched a bit in sympathy, or maybe condolence. But in truth, it’s a shockingly normal existence. I don't feel like I've lived through the shifting of international relations or a war or anything. I just kind of feel like I did when COVID hit, that dull sameness as I wondered if this would be the only world-altering event to shape my life, or if there would be more. 

I've been told that, in order for my brain to process all the horrific details of the past six months, there needs to be some element of cognitive dissonance—that falling into a sort of dissociative mindset is the only way to not go insane under the weight of it all. I think in some ways that’s true. I have been terrifyingly close to bus stop shootings when my commute wasn’t over; I have felt my apartment building shake with the reverberations of a missile strike; I have spent hours in underground shelters waiting for air raid sirens to stop. 

But. I have also gone grocery shopping, and skipped class, and stayed up too late watching TV, and fed the cats on the street corner, and cried over a boy, and got myself AirPods just because, and taken out the trash, and done laundry on a delicate cycle, and bought overpriced lattes one too many days a week. I have looked at pretty things and taken out my phone because, despite it all, I still think that life is too short not to freeze the small moments. 

So I'd say, all things considered, I live an incredibly privileged life—compared, of course, to those suffering in Gaza—one filled with sunsets and over-sweetened knafeh and every different color of sand. One that allows me to throw myself into a fandom-induced hyperfixation (or, alternatively, escape method) as I sit on the couch and crack open my laptop to write the next chapter of the fic I'm working on. 

But there are bits of not-normalness that wheedle their way through the cracks. I pretend these moments are avoidable, even if they’re not. 

They look like this: reading the news and seeing another idiotic, careless choice on Netanyahu’s part and groaning into my morning coffee. Watching Palestinian and Jewish children’s needless suffering posted on Instagram reels and feeling helpless. Opening my Tumblr DMs to find a message telling me to exterminate myself for reblogging a post that only seems like it’s about the war if you squint and tilt your head sideways. 

These moments look like all the tiny ways I am reminded that I'm living in a post-October seventh world, where hearing a car backfire makes me jump out of my skin and the sound of a suitcase on pavement makes me look up at the sky and search for the war planes. They look like the heavy grief that is, and also isn’t, mine. 

Here's the thing, though. I know you’re wondering when the ball will drop and my true opinion will be revealed. I know you’re waiting for me to reveal what demographic I'm a part of so that you, dear reader, can neatly slap a label on my head and sort me into some oversimplified category that lets you continue to think you understand this war. 

No one wants to sit and ruminate on the difficult questions, the ones that make you wonder if maybe you’ve been tinkered with by the propaganda machine, if you might need to go back on what you’ve said or change your mind. We all strive for our perception of complicated issues to be a comfortable one.

But I know that no matter what I do, there will always be assumptions. So, while I shudder to reveal this information online, I think that maybe my most significant contribution to this meta-discussion spanning every facet of the internet is this: 

I am a Jew. 

Or, alternatively, I am: Jewish, יהודית, يَهُودِيٌّ, etc. Point is, I come from Jews. And, like any given person, I am a product of generation after generation of love. 

I'm not going to take time to explain my heritage to you, or to prove that before all the expulsions and pogroms, there was an origin point. If you don’t believe that, perhaps it’s less of a factual problem and more of an ‘I don’t give weight to the beliefs of indigenous people’ problem. But, in case you want to spend time uselessly refuting this tiny point in a larger argument, you can inspect the photos below (it’s just a small chunk of my DNA test results). Alternatively, you can remember that interrogating someone in an attempt to make their indigeneity match your arbitrary criteria is generally not seen as good manners. 

Now, let’s go back to thathateful message (read: poorly disguised death threat) I received in my Tumblr DMs. I think it was like two or three weeks ago. I had recently gained a new follower whose blog’s primary focus was the fandom I contribute to, so I followed them back. I saw in my notes that they were going through my posts and liking them—as one does when gaining a new mutual. Yippee! 

Then they sent me this: 

I tried to explain that hate speech is not a way to go about participating in political discourse, but the person had already blocked me immediately after sending that message. Then, assured by the fact that I surely would never see them complaining about me on their blog (because, as I said, they blocked me), they posted a shouting rant accusing me of sympathizing with colonizing settlers and declaring me a “racist Zionist fuck.” Oh, the wonders of incognito tabs.

Where this person drew these conclusions after reading my (reblogged) post about antisemitism…. I'm not actually sure. But I greatly sympathize with them, and hope that they weren’t too personally offended by my desire to not die. 

For a while I contemplated this experience in my righteous anger, and tried to figure out a way to message this person. I wanted to explain that a) seeing a post about being Jewish and choosing to harass the creator about Israel is literally the definition of antisemitism and b) that sending a hateful DM and refusing to be held accountable is just childish and immature. But I gave up soon after—because, honestly, I knew it wasn’t worth my effort or energy. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to change their mind. 

But I still remember staring at that rather unfortunate meme, accompanied by an all-caps message demanding for me to Free Palestine, and thinking: the post didn’t even have any buzzwords. I remember the swoop of dread and guilt and fear. I remember wondering why this kind of antisemitism felt worse, in that moment, than the kind that leaves bodies in its wake. 

I remember thinking, I don’t have the power to free anyone.

I remember thinking, I’m so fucking tired. 

And before you tell me that this conflict isn’t about religion—let me ask you some questions. Why is it that Israel is even called Israel? (Here’s why.) Why do Jews even want it? (Here’s why.) But also, if you actually read the charters of Islamist terrorist organizations like ISIS, Hamas, and Hezbollah (among others), they equate the modern state of Israel with the Jewish people, and they use the two entities interchangeably. So of course this conflict is religious. It’s never been anything but that.

But I do wonder, when faced with those who deny this fact: how do I prove, through an endless slew of what-about-isms and victim blaming, that I too am hurting? How do I show that empathy is dialectical, that I can care deeply for Palestinians and Gazans while also grieving my own people? 

There's this thing that humans do, when we’re frustrated about politics and need to howl our opinions about it into the void until we feel better. We find like-minded souls, usually our friends and neighbors, and fret about the state of the world to each other until we’ve gone around in a satisfactory amount of circles. But these conversations never truly accomplish anything. They’re just a substitute, a stand-in catharsis, for what we really wish we could do: find someone who embodies the spirit of every Jew-hating internet troll, every ignorant justifier of terrorism, and scream ourselves hoarse at them until we change their mind.

But, of course, minds cannot be changed when they are determined to live in a state of irrational dislike. In Judaism, this way of thinking has a name: שנאת חינם (sinat hinam), or baseless hatred. It's a parasite with no definite cure, and it makes people bend over backwards to justify things like the massacre on October seventh, simply because the blame always needs to be placed on the Jews. 

So when a Jew is faced with this unsolvable problem, there is only one response to be had, only one feeling to be felt: anger. And we are angry. Carrying around rage with nowhere to put it is exhausting. It's like a weight at the base of our neck that pushes down on our spine, bending it until we will inevitably snap under the pressure. I’m still waiting to break, even now.

I wish I could explain to someone who needs to hear it that terrorism against Israelis happens every single day here, and that we are never more than one degree of separation away from the brutal slaughter of a friend, lover, parent, sibling. I wish it would be enough to say that the majority of Israelis (which includes Arab-Israeli citizens who have the exact same rights as Jewish-Israelis) wish for peace every day without ever having seen what it looks like. 

I wish I could show the world that Israel was founded as a socialist state, that it was built on communal values and born from a cluster of kibbutzim (small farming communities based on collective responsibility), and that what it is now isn’t what its people stand for. 

I wish the world could open their eyes to what we Israelis have seen since the beginning: that Hamas is the enemy, Hamas is the one starving Palestinians and denying them aid, Hamas is the one who keeps rejecting ceasefire terms and denying their citizens basic human rights. Hamas is the governing body of Gaza, not Israel. Hamas is responsible for the wellbeing of the Palestinian people. And Hamas are the ones who are more determined to murder Jews—over and over and over again, in the most animalistic ways possible—than to look inwards and see the suffering they’ve inflicted on their own people. I wish it was easier to see that.

But the wishing, the asking how can people be so blind, is never enough. I can never just say, I promise I don't want war. 

When I bear witness to this baseless hatred, I think of the victims of October seventh. I think of the women and girls who were raped and then murdered, forever unable to tell their stories. I think of the hostages, trapped underneath Gaza in dark tunnels, wondering if anyone will come for them. I think of Ori Ansbacher, of Ezra Schwartz, of Eyal, Gilad, and Naftali, of Lucy, Rina, and Maia Dee, of the Paley boys, of Ari Fuld and of Nachshon Wachsman. I think of all the innocent blood spilled because of terror-fueled hatred and the virus of antisemitism. I think of all the thousands of people who were brutally murdered in Israel, Jews and Muslims and Christians and humans, who will never see peace.

My ties to this land are knotted a thousand times over. Even when I leave, a part of me is left behind, waiting for me to claim it when I return. But when I see the grit it takes to live through this pain, when I see the suffering that paints the world the color of blood, I look to the heavens and I wonder why. 

I ask God: is it worth all this? He doesn't answer. So I am the one, in the end, to answer my own question. I say, it has to be. 

Feel free to send any genuine, respectful, and clarifying questions you may have to my inbox!

EDIT: just coming on here to say that I'm really touched & grateful for the love on this post. When I wrote it, I felt hopeless; I logged off of Tumblr for Shabbat, dreading the moment I would turn off my phone to find more hate in my inbox. Granted, I did find some, and responding to it was exhausting, but it wasn’t all hate. I read every kind reblog and comment, and the love was so much louder. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🤍

Source Reading

The Whispered in Gaza Project by The Center for Peace Communications

Why Jews Cannot Stop Shaking Right Now by Dara Horn

Hamas Kidnapped My Father for Refusing to Be Their Puppet by Ala Mohammed Mushtaha

I Hope Someone Somewhere Is Being Kind to My Boy by Rachel Goldberg

The Struggle for Black Freedom Has Nothing to Do with Israel by Coleman Hughes

Israel Can Defend Itself and Uphold Its Values by The New York Times Editorial Board

There Is a Jewish Hope for Palestinian Liberation. It Must Survive by Peter Beinart

The Long Wait of the Hostages’ Families by Ruth Margalit

“By Any Means Necessary”: Hamas, Iran, and the Left by Armin Navabi

When People Tell You Who They Are, Believe Them by Bari Weiss

Hunger in Gaza: Blame Hamas, Not Israel by Yvette Miller

Benjamin Netanyahu Is Israel’s Worst Prime Minister Ever by Anshel Pfeffer

What Palestinians Really Think of Hamas by Amaney A. Jamal and Michael Robbins

The Decolonization Narrative Is Dangerous and False by Simon Sebag Montefiore

Understanding Hamas’s Genocidal Ideology by Bruce Hoffman

The Wisdom of Hamas by Matti Friedman

How the UN Discriminates Against Israel by Dina Rovner

This Muslim Israeli Woman Is the Future of the Middle East by The Free Press

Why Are Feminists Silent on Rape and Murder? by Bari Weiss

[dreamwritesimagines]

The Eye of the Hurricane [26] - Breaking the Rules

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, you made my day! ❤️I hope you’ll like this chapter as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think! ❤️

Summary: Fighting for the crown comes with decisions.

Word Count: 2600

Pairing: MobBoss!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Warnings: Violence, guns, crime, blood, explicit language, dysfunctional relationship, mentions of sex. This is an AU, friendly reminder that I don’t condone any of the actions depicted on this story and please read with care.

Series Masterlist

Growing up as your father’s heir, you had to memorize certain rules.

Honoring the alliances was one of them. No family could survive on its own in this line of work against all the others, and it was a matter of honor not to cross or go behind your allies.

Not putting civilians in danger was another. The business and its deals or disagreements could only affect the people who chose to be in it, civilians were always off limits.

But the most important rule that was drilled into your and every heir’s head?

Never, ever do anything to break the truce.

“Y/N?”

Your head shot up and you tried to smile at Becca. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

No.

No you really weren’t.

What you and Bucky were planning was way too dangerous, which meant that you couldn’t say that to anyone, Becca included.

“Sure!” you said as Leila came back to the table, carrying coffees.

“Thanks babe,” Becca pecked her on the lips and she smiled at her.

“Not a problem!” she said. “So, is there any reason why you look so gloomy, Y/N?”

Shit.

“Gloomy?” you asked with a small laugh. “I don’t look gloomy.”

“Is Ethan being his tortured lover self again?”

“He’s not—” you stopped yourself. “I haven’t talked to him in a while actually.”

“Bucky then?”

“Oh is this about that girl you told me about?” Becca asked. “Anna?”

You blinked a couple of times. “Uh…”

“Anna?” Leila asked and Becca waved a hand in the air.

“This incredibly hot woman Bucky is doing business with.”

“Did I say she was incredibly hot?”

“You said hot and I stalked her,” Becca said helpfully, “She is incredibly hot.”

“Thanks a lot Bec,” you muttered and Leila tilted her head.

“Let me see!”

“I’m not gloomy because of Anna,” you said and paused for a moment. “Although, Bucky does have a meeting with her today.”

“Here,” Becca said, handing her the phone and Leila raised her brows, staring at the screen before licking her lips.

“Maybe she just has a terrible personality.”

“You guys are the best,” you muttered and Becca let out a laugh.

“We’re joking, obviously you’re hotter.”

“For some reason I highly doubt that,” you pointed out and Leila rolled her eyes at you.

“You are,” she said. “But jealousy is less about looks and more about the vibes.”

“I’m not jealous!” you said, your voice going a pitch higher before you cleared your throat. “I wasn’t even thinking about her until you brought her up.”

“Then what—” Becca started but your phone started vibrating on the table, making you grimace when your eyes fell on the caller ID.

“Excuse me for a moment,” you said and grabbed your phone, then walked out of the café to answer it. “Auntie?”

“Y/N hi honey!” her cheerful voice reached you. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

“Nah, I’m just with my friends,” you said and she hummed.

“Well then, clear out your schedule for the afternoon because we’re having an aunt-niece lunch,” she said, making your eyes widen.

“Oh I actually—I had this thing—”

“I already made the reservation, I’ll send you the details,” she cut off your stammering. “See you in two hours!”

With that, she hung up and you threw your head back, letting out a groan.

“Great,” you muttered to yourself. “Just what I needed today.”

                                                       *

Of course your aunt had picked a restaurant in your father’s territory and of course it was already swarming with your father’s people. Unlike you, she had no problem with being followed by bodyguards even if the restaurant seemed to be closed to any other people but you two and the bodyguards, so you tried not to roll your eyes as you sat down, the waitress bringing your food almost immediately. You pulled your brows together and your aunt sat up straighter.

“I ordered for the both of us already,” she said, making you hum.

“Wonderful,” you said. “Thanks.”

“So,” she smiled at you. “I figured today is as good of a day as any to catch up!”

No, today was supposed to be about you having an existential crisis at home, and yet here you were.

“How’s marriage going?”

Jesus Christ.

“It’s going well,” you said curtly before digging into the salad in front of you. “And you? How are you after the break up?”

“Oh,” she waved a dismissive hand. “Let’s not talk about that. Bucky seems like he grew into such a gentleman!”

“Mm hm.”

“And George is happy being retired?”

You thought for a moment, then shrugged your shoulders.

“Bucky is doing a great job,” you said, unaware of the proud tone in your voice. “So yes. He probably does miss being more involved in the business but it’s Bucky’s time now. George knows it.”

“Promising heir turns into successful king, not much of a surprise there,” she commented and you sipped your wine.

“Exactly.”

“And speaking of heirs…” your aunt said, making your eyes shoot up to hers.

Fucking—

Yeah, you had walked right into that.

You knew that everything you said and did, even the smallest reaction would be reported back to either Ian or your father, so you had to keep your calm. Even though anger had started to boil deep inside you, you lowered your wine glass, tilting your head at her.

“Hm?”

“Your father may have mentioned that things between you and him are rather tense lately,” she said. “Especially after him naming Ian as his heir.”

You frowned, feigning confusion before taking your fork into your mouth again.

“I didn’t think they were tense,” you said after swallowing your bite. “Is that what he thinks?”

She paused only for a moment.

“It is,” she said. “And you know how important family is. We don’t always have to see eye to eye, but we do have to support each other.”

“Does father think I won’t support Ian?” you asked silkily and she licked her lips, deep in thought.

“Ian worked really hard to be where he is right now, Y/N,” she said, making you pull your brows together. “I am aware that you might feel some resentment but that position belongs to Ian now. And we as his family must make sure to make his job easier.”

You wanted to laugh at the audacity but managed to keep your expression under control. Of course she supported him, that much wasn’t surprising but—

Ian working for where he was?

He hadn’t even bothered to go through half of the training you had.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this,” you told her. “It’s father’s job to make Ian’s job easier, he was the one who named him heir. What I think about his decision doesn’t hold any power in this, I’m not in the business—”

“Yes you are.”

You scoffed. “Well, that’s news to me then. Do you know something I don’t?”

She shot you a look.

“You and I both know that some bosses in the city support you to become the heir, not Ian.”

You bit back a smirk and took another sip of your wine.

“Which is normal, outsiders can have different ideas, it’s the family that decides on the heir,” she said. “But Bucky…Bucky is family now.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “I don’t control Bucky.”

“Yes you do,” she insisted. “And Bucky doesn’t necessarily like Ian, does he?”

The realization dawned on you in a second; your father hadn’t put your aunt up to this.

Ian had, because he felt threatened by Bucky.

Which in all honesty was a bit insulting, because even with other bosses supporting you to become the heir, he still didn’t think you yourself were a viable threat to him.

You pushed at your salad with your fork, pretending to be nonchalant.

“Strange as it may sound, me and Bucky don’t really spend our time talking about Ian,” you said and your aunt heaved a sigh, then reached out to clasp her hand over yours.

“Honey,” she said. “You know what will happen if a war breaks out.”

“Tell that to Ian, not me,” you said. “He seemed to be very interested in a war the last time we spoke. I know what happens if a war breaks out, does he?”

“He’s still very excited to prove himself,” she said, making you clench your jaw. “So he may come across a bit… wild but he will not start a war.”

“Funny how everyone around him seems to have to make excuses for him.”

“So many people died before the truce,” she insisted. “So many families. I know that your father promised you that position, but you cannot set the whole city on fire just because he changed his mind. Ian is the heir now, you and everyone else need to make your peace with it.”

Anger was pulsing through your veins and you dug your fingernails into your palm, then pushed at your plate and stood up.

“I have this thing, so…”

“Y/N—”

“And for the record, I’m not setting the whole city on fire,” you told her. “Make sure to hear the same thing from Ian, will you? Because from the looks of it, people aren’t that thrilled to do business with him when he’s been foaming at the mouth to start a war.”

With that, you walked out of the restaurant with your bodyguards following you.

                                              *

As much as you hated to admit, your aunt’s words did manage to make you even more restless. You had tried to take a nap but it was no use, and by the time Bucky got home, you had been pacing in the apartment for almost an hour now. He had some blood on him so he had gone straight to the bathroom to take a long shower, and when he came back, he found you by the window, your gaze fixed on the skyline.

“Hey beautiful.”

You looked over your shoulder and tried to smile at him.

“Hey,” you said. “Whose blood was it?”

“Some idiot,” he said. “Not important. Are you okay?”

“How was the meeting with Anna?”

“It was good, everything is going pretty smoothly. Are you okay?”

You turned around to see him better, then nodded your head.

“Sure!” you said. “There’s uh…there’s dinner in the—”

“What’s going on?” he cut you off, stepping closer to you and you heaved a sigh, then shrugged your shoulders.

“Nothing, it’s just…it’s been a long day.”

“I thought you were meeting Becca today.”

“I did,” you said. “Then my aunt asked to have lunch together so that totally ruined my day.”

He raised his brows. “What did she say?”

“Usual bullshit,” you said. “She wants me to support Ian.”

Bucky snorted. “Yeah, that’s gonna happen.”

“And Ian is intimidated by you.”

“Good,” Bucky said. “Does he also know the only reason he’s alive is because of the truce he’s been so excited to break? Someone should let him know.”

“He thinks he’s untouchable, you know that,” you said with a roll of your eyes. “He doesn’t even carry a gun, he’s that sure of himself. Ryan carries his gun for him.”

Bucky threw his head back. “Does he—” he started but was cut off when his phone vibrated on the table. Your heart skipped a beat as he read the text message, then held up the phone.

“So…” he said. “Are we doing this tonight?”

You swallowed thickly, your heartbeat getting faster before you ran a hand over your face.

“Bucky, is this a mistake?”

He tilted his head. “Why would it be a mistake?”

“We’re ordering a hit on a shipment,” you whispered. “That’s breaking the truce.”

“Eh, it’s not like they’ll know who did it.”

“But if they somehow figure it out?” you insisted as you stepped away from him to pace in the room again. “I keep telling myself Ian is the wrong choice, but what does it say about me that I’m willing to risk war? That I’m willing to risk so much bloodshed just to get there?”

“That you have what it takes.”

“Do I?” you asked him. “At that cost? You heard the same thing I did while we were growing up, over and over again. Never break the truce—”

“We’re not breaking the truce,” he assured you. “No one will know it’s us, and even if they did somehow figure it out; your father will kill me on grounds of breaking the truce sweetheart, nothing will happen to you.”

Even the thought of it was enough to send a shiver down your spine.

“Don’t say that,” you murmured, rubbing at your eyes. “Just don’t.”

He shot you a playful smile. “I thought you wanted me dead.”

“If I wanted you dead, you’d be dead,” you grumbled as you approached the window to look outside again. “It just feels…”

“Overwhelming?” he asked you as he came closer before his hands clasped over your shoulders, massaging there, making your eyes flutter close.

“A little,” you admitted and he hummed.

 “Of course it’s overwhelming, we’re pushing you to the top.”

You opened your eyes again, then turned around to look at him better.

“Why are you risking your own life for this?”

“Because I want to see you at the top of the food chain,” he said, then flashed you a smirk. “And on top of me but—”

“Bucky,” you said warningly as if that didn’t make your stomach do a happy flip despite the tension and he chuckled.

“Because unlike what your father seems to think, you’re the right choice for this.”

“And you still think that about me even if I’m putting the truce in danger right now?” you asked and his smile widened.

“You could shoot me right now and I’d still think that, princess.”

You nibbled on your lip, a warmth spreading in your chest before you let out a bitter chuckle.

“We’re both fucked up, you do realize that?”

“I know,” he said. “But fucked up or not, will you be alright when Ian inevitably burns your father’s empire down? The empire that belongs to you?”

You swallowed thickly as he ran his fingertips over your bare arm, awakening fire underneath your skin.

“Stop playing by your father’s rules,” he said, his voice a low murmur. “It’s your game now, you make the rules.”

You pursed your lips together before taking a deep breath, then looked up at him.

“Give the order.”

Bucky smiled at you, then touched the phone’s screen before taking it to his ear.

“Do it,” he said, then hung up, making you let out a breath, your head spinning because of the adrenaline rushing through you. Bucky stepped closer to press a kiss on your temple and you rested your forehead on his chest for a moment, letting his irresistible scent fill your nostrils.

“You’re alright.”

“I’m alright,” you muttered to his chest and pulled back to nod your head as if trying to convince yourself. “I am.”

“You are,” Bucky said, then smiled at you. “So let’s get drinks and dessert, hm? To celebrate your first ever hit order in the business?”

A nervous laughter climbed up your throat. “What?”

“Yeah I’ll even put a candle on the champagne— or on the cake, I haven’t decided yet,” he told you, pulling you by the wrist through the room while you giggled.

“Bucky wait, I need to do my makeup if we’re going out—”

“Less whining more walking princess, come on,” he said and you snatched your coat off the hanger as you walked past it, then followed him out of the apartment, still smiling.

Chapter 27

[thecuriousbeauty]

Traitor- The Present

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Synopsis:y/n is a hard working painter, trying to make the ends meet. She lives with and takes care of her sick Uncle, the only one she has for a family. She has dreams to make it big, and when the desperation for money strikes, she has to make a choice. Walk away after listening to an incredible deal that would fix all her problems, or take up the deal. A top secret, risky deal, which involves meeting Harry Styles.A man once rumored to be a dangerous secret weapon of a leading mafia. artist!y/n x mafia!harry (he's also a doctor)

Word Count: 5,134

Warnings: Mentions of violence. Smut, fingering, slight spanking, dirty talk, possessiveness.

_____________________________________________

"It's been two weeks, y/n. You have two more weeks. I suggest you start doing your job instead of roaming around with him all day.", Romania's voice makes y/n flinch. She was back in the building, sitting in front of Romania. Hans and Oliver were standing beside her like last time.

"I'm gaining his trust. You would know if you have real friends. Even if he remembers, he's only going to tell me if he trusts me enough! And for that, I need time! You can't keep a deadline for things like that.", y/n scoffs out a laugh.

"We give the orders here, Miss y/l/n.", Hans says smoothly, lips curving into a smile. "You agreed to work for us, and you have our money."

"Don't lose hope in yourself, y/n.", Romania says more calmly. "You have made more progress than any of us have. He talks to you, he acts like a human around you. And you have already given us important information about what he remembers and doesn't. That is great."

y/n fiddles with her hands. "I have an idea. I'll tell you that in the fourth week. This week, I want you to really try, okay? Whatever you need to do for that.", Romania tells her and she nods. "You said you'd kill him if he didn't remember. He has two weeks to live if I can't do it?"

"You got that right.", Romania nods with a sigh. "None of us want that, y/n. But it is necessary for our business, and for Harry's safety. He can easily defend himself if he remembers who he was, but if he doesn't, only a matter of time before someone nabs him and makes him suffer for everything he did."

"What did he do?", y/n asks curiously. She knew she was not supposed to ask, but she did anyway. "What did Harry do that people want to make him suffer? It wasn't just gold smuggling, was it?"

"Wouldn't you like to know.", Hans drawls, chuckling as he drank from his big cup. "That's none of your business, y/n. The less you know, the better."

y/n didn't believe them. Harry wouldn't hurt a fly. She looks up at Oliver. The man of less words. He looked at her with his stoic expression, his caramel brown eyes looking at hers as Hans and Romania conversed with her. 

"You would kill your best friend?", she asks him.

Oliver's stone cold expression changed for just a second, into something like sympathy, before it returned to how it was. "If my best friend isn't in there anymore, he's already dead.", Oliver answers. She always got a chill when he spoke. He gave her a final look before walking away, into another room. 

"There he goes, you made Olie angry. Lucky your limbs are still intact.", Hans says, making Romania glare at her. "No one here will hurt you, y/n. He's just joking. Hans thinks he's funny."

"Huh." y/n didn't think they would hurt her, but at this point, she was just confused. She didn't feel safe anywhere anymore. 

"I need more information. Tell me something about him at least. His relationship with Reagen? Something about her?"

Romania leans back on her couch. "They were in love. Love like you've never seen before. Harry would do anything and everything for her."

"Something more personal."

y/n felt something inside of her that made her twist. Was it jealousy? 

"During a mission, Harry ended up being locked in a warehouse and the enemies put it on fire. Reagen killed all of them, before running straight into the fire. We warned her not to go inside. That she could die. But she didn't care. She found Harry, and rescued him before he could die. Reagen wasn't afraid of anything. She didn't have anyone. Harry was her world. They had plans of stopping all this and moving to somewhere remote, away from this. Where they could be in their own world. That night they were smuggling, that was their last mission. They were both going to leave that life behind after that night."

"And they did. But in different ways than they thought.", Hans completes with a sad sigh.

y/n didn't know how to feel after listening. They were like Jack and Rose, Romeo and Juliet, Cathy and Heathcliff. y/n wished they had their happy ending.

"I-I'll try harder.", y/n tells them. Harry at least had to remember the love he had for her, even if it hurts. The love should overcome the pain in his heart.

"Thank you. You can go, the meeting's over. Update me, as usual.", Romania dismisses her. Hans got up to walk her out. y/n thought he was the most annoying out of the three of them, but he was the one that she didn't think five times in her head about something before blurting it out. It was easy to talk to him.

"How close were you to Reagen?", y/n decided to bite.

Hans runs a hand through his straight blonde hair, humming. "Quite a lot of question today."

"I'm curious."

"I was the youngest to be recruited.", Hans tells her. "And I'm not the type that keeps my mouth shut. Much like you, I asked a lot of questions. I got into trouble for that with some of the others, but Reagen? She treated me like a brother." 

y/n looks at him as he stands opposite of her as the elevator goes down. "Reagen taught me a lot of things. She protected me. She was friendly to everyone, always smiling through all the shit she has been through. She was the strongest woman I knew.", Hans looks down, like he was trying to control his emotions. "S-She didn't deserve to die. I miss her."

y/n was good at comforting people. She laid a hand on Hans' shoulder, squeezing it gently. Whoever he was, goon or not, the pain of losing people must be horrible. y/n couldn't imagine what she'd do if Uncle Luke left her. 

y/n steps away when the elevator opens. They get out of the elevator, and Hans walks her to her car. "Is that all, Miss y/l/n?"

"I have more questions, but I don't think you'll answer them. None of my business, is it?", y/n repeats his earlier words and Hans smiles. "Smart. And it's for your own good, y/n."

Hans opens the door of the car for her. He looks straight into her curious yes. "Just finish your task soon, okay? Please. It's all in your hands."

y/n figured there was a deeper meaning to that, and she obviously couldn't ask him anymore questions. He sounded more desperate in his last sentence. 

"Bye Hans.", she says, starting her car.

"See you, Miss y/l/n.", Hans gave her a nod, and watched her drive away before walking back. He wished that she would succeed in her task. He did not want to see anyone's blood being shed. He did not want to see death. He had seen enough.

______________________________________________________________

Movie nights had now been something Harry and y/n did frequently. Today was one such night. Uncle Luke had been doing well. His doctor told her that his blood sugar had been down when she took him to the hospital the day after his fall. Uncle Luke even wanted her to call Harry to apologize to him when y/n told him about the incident.

Harry had waved it off when y/n told him about it, saying he has seen it in Alzheimer's patients before. He didn't seem too convinced, but y/n let it go.

"What's your dream?", y/n asks Harry. They were on his couch, and she was leaned to his side for support. Not only for support, he was really warm. y/n was always so cold. Maybe she should ask him about that, she thought. 

"Dream?", Harry hums. "I've never really thought about it. All I think about is moving on to the next day. And my life is pretty stable now. I like it. What about you?"

"You're so boring, you know that?", y/n nudges his ribs and he chuckles, before looking down at her to listen to what she has to say. "I want to find someone who'll treat me like a princess and then run away with him."

"Oh?", Harry laughs at her serious expression. 

"Yes. I want to find a good place that can take care of Uncle Luke, a place where he is happy. I don't think he's happy with me. He's taken care of, but he's far from happy. He's lonely. Once he's settled, I'll fly to Italy with my person and live my life there. Of course I'll visit Uncle Luke once every month, make sure he's content."

"Italy.", Harry murmurs, a dreamy look in his eyes. y/n purposely put in Italy wanting to know if he remembers his life he planned with Reagen, before their accident. They were going to settle in Italy, if what Romania told her was right.

"Have you been to Italy?", she asks, feeling his warm hand rubbing her side gently. 

Harry closed his eyes and nodded. "I think so."

"You have? Did you go alone?", y/n pipes up.

"No..I had someone with me..I-I don't know who. It was nice, warm and beautiful. So beautiful."

Harry looked so peaceful as he tried to remember the memory. It must have been a good one, because he didn't appear to be straining and flinching while he tried to remember, like he had when she tried to ask him about his past before. 

"Was it your lover?", y/n pushes it. Harry opens his eyes, they were looking dark and stormy green. "I said I don't know, y/n."

She nods, patting his shoulder. "Sorry. Do you wish to go there again?"

Harry gives her a small smile. "I think I'd like that. I don't want to go alone, though."

"You'll take me with you?", y/n's eyes glint in excitement. "You'll take annoying little me with you on holiday?"

Harry laughs, pulling her into his body, fingers digging into her sides as he tickles her. He loves to hear her giggle. "You're not that annoying. And I never said anything about taking you, I could take anyone."

"I got you to admit! And you have no friends except me! Ah-stop!", she says while giggling and squirming on the couch as he attacks her. 

He tickled her until she's gasping for breath, cheeks flushing red, and a beautiful smile on her lips as she looks at him. She was trapped under Harry's body. Harry leans in, one hand on her hip and the other hand gently moves her hair out of her face. y/n feels her heart, beat out of her chest as his fingers touch her skin. 

His eyes move to her plump pink lips, and hers move to his. They're so close, y/n can feel Harry's breath on her face. He looked like a sculpture, his features were all perfect. His beautiful prince like hair, his sharp cheekbones, his smile. She felt like he came straight out of Olympus. She doubted if he really was a Greek God. Maybe Apollo? Apollo is the healer. But Apollo is full of sunshine. Harry had this eerie mysterious air clinging to him.

Harry leans closer, and y/n's hand moves to the back of his neck. Just a taste. She wanted to know what he tasted like. She knew it was wrong. She shouldn't be doing this. 

But she couldn't resist, and neither could he.

Harry closes the space between them, his lips enveloping hers. y/n's eyes close as they kiss so desperately that their whole body curves into one. Their foreheads pressed together, and she felt like she was dreaming. She had to be, right? 

Harry left her breathless again, this time not from tickling as his lips lift away from hers, his eyes searching hers. "H-Harry, we shouldn't-", she begins to say, and he kisses her again, biting down on her lower lip, then soothing it with his tongue as his hand travels to her hair. 

Fuck it, y/n thinks, and pulls him down on her with the hand on the back of his neck, parting her lips to let his tongue explore her mouth. She needed this. Harry's fingers slipped inside her shirt, travelling up from her stomach to her chest. His large hand cups her left breast over her bra, and he squeezes, making her moan into his mouth. 

After the attack of his mouth on her lips, leaving both of their lips red and swollen, he moves his lips down to her neck. 

"Can I?", he whispers, fingers finding the back of her bra, and she nods arching her back so he could take it off. Her fingers reached for his shirt, and he lifts his arms for her to take it off and she throws it somewhere in the room, ecstatic with pleasure as Harry's lips attach to her neck again. 

y/n knew Harry was a well built man. But she didn't expect to see the perfectly sculpted abs he had hidden beneath his shirt. She felt up and down his chest and his abdomen, he felt firm, but his skin felt soft. She moans as Harry's fingers roll her nipple before giving it a pinch. "P-Please Harry.."

"What do you want baby?", she hears Harry's hoarse whisper and sees that his eyes are darker, with lust. 

"Y-You..", she whispers back, and he scoops her up, her legs tucking around his waist as he walks them to his bedroom. He pulls off her shirt, leaving her breasts open to his attack as his lips find hers again. He smooths his hand over jeans clad ass, giving a hard squeeze to one of her cheeks before laying her down on the bed, her back hitting the bed. 

"You are gorgeous.", he mumbles, eyes raking over her breasts before his fingers reach for the button of her jeans. 

"Y-You too.", y/n offers the compliment back, cheeks reddening as he gives her a wink. She raises her hips so he can slip the jeans of her. He attaches his lips to her right nipple, while his left hand palms her other breast and his right hand runs down her leg, feeling her smooth skin. y/n's fingers rake down his back, loving the feeling of his muscles under her touch.

"Will I find you wet, darling?", Harry asks once he's happy with the assault on her breasts. y/n was already going to the edge. This man was making her crazy. 

"Why don't you find out?", y/n whispers back smartly, and he hums, bringing his hand to cup her heat, before parting her panties, and slowly moving a finger over her folds. y/n moans, her hips bucking into his hand. 

"Hmm..you're dripping.", Harry chuckles, feeling her sleek wet folds. Her thighs were starting to get covered in them too. 

"H-Harry..", y/n whimpers, begging him to do something. 

"Want me to take care of you, baby?", Harry grazes his teeth on her nipple, hearing her moan out a yes, before slipping his digit inside her. He quickly takes her panties off, and removes his finger making her groan. 

"Let me see you baby.", he says, spreading her thighs apart. "Such a pretty pussy. You're gonna let me ruin it?"

She didn't answer, quite mad that he pulled his hand away and he placed a sharp slap on her thigh. "Answer me."

"Fuck..yes, ruin me.", she gives him a smile that makes him groan, and two of his fingers slip inside of her, fucking her hard and fast. She gasps, hands curling over the sheets. 

Harry's fingers expertly find her g-spot, and she feels herself slipping over the edge. "I-I'm gonna cum.."

"Yes, baby, let me taste you..", Harry watches how well her pussy takes his fingers. y/n reaches her high, and cums all over his fingers. Harry brought it to his lips and wipes them clean while y/n comes back to Earth. 

"I-I think I saw heaven.", she whispers, and Harry smirks. "Not yet, baby."

y/n brings him back for a kiss, tasting her on his lips. "I want you inside me."

"How do you want me? Nice and soft? Or hard enough that you can't walk tomorrow?", he murmurs in her ear, placing a soft kiss on her earlobe.

"Hard. Don't you want to ruin me?", she challenges.

"Challenge accepted.", he twists one hand around her hair. "Turn around."

y/n turns around, and whimpers with pleasure as his rough hand squeezes and feels her ass. He slips a pillow beneath her hips and she hears his jeans come off, and the rip of a condom as he slips it over him. 

She turns her head to see. He was big. So big. She was scared whether all that was going to fit inside her.

"I-Is it gonna fit?"

"We'll make it fit.", Harry leans over her body. "You ready?"

"Yeah."

He pushes into her, holding her hip with one hand, and his dick with the other. He gives her some time to adjust, slowly pushing in until she was full and he was all in. 

"Y-You can move.", she strains out, groaning into the pillow. "Please."

"I want you to scream for me, y/n.", Harry whispers. "You'll always remember how good I make you feel, won't you?"

"Yes.", she hums. "Are you all talk or are you gonna do something?"

She screamed as he began moving in and out of her fast, and rough. She held onto the bed rest, and his hand pressed her face into the pillow. "You love to talk, don't you? Try talking now, baby."

She yelps as his hand comes smack down on her ass, before it rubs away the sting. "You drive me fucking crazy. Why are you doing this to me?", he grunts, before pulling her face up by her hair. 

"H-Harry..", she moans out his name. "That's right. That's the only name that will ever come out of your mouth, you understand? After I touch you, no one else is allowed to. You're mine, you've always been mine, and this pussy is mine, isn't it?"

Tears of pleasure run down her cheeks, as she moans in reply, and he gives her hair a tug. "Shit, you feel so good. So tight. It's been long isn't it? Since this little pussy has been to use?"

"Uh huh..", she can only make sounds at this point. Harry flips her over, holds her legs open and fucks her mercilessly. "So pretty, you look so pretty like this, cumming all over my cock."

His lips met hers, and he kissed her softly, in contrast to what his dick was doing. "H-Harry..I need to cum.", she manages to let out, feeling herself slipping over the edge again. 

"I won't l-last any longer.", Harry moans, and they both release together. She feels him clench inside of her, before letting go.

y/n sees stars. She feels the waves of pleasure go through her like she has never felt before. She felt like she was on fire. A fire of pleasure. It was too much, but it was so good. It was wrong, but she couldn't help it. It felt so real, so right, like it was always meant to be. 

______________________________________________________________

y/n wakes up with the same dream. She was expecting to wake up in her little bedroom, but she was in someone's arms. Someone's strong arms were wrapped around her middle, soft breathing fanning down her neck. She moved her hand to cup Harry's cheek, feeling the rough but softness of his stubble under her palm. 

What had she done?

She made a promise to herself that she wouldn't let her feelings grow and she wouldn't take it any further than friendship. Her eyes filled with tears as she thought about what she was doing. She was hurting someone else's feelings. Harry obviously felt the same way about her, but he doesn't know that she's just a pawn in someone else's game. 

It no longer was just a game for money. Harry was in her life now. Harry was important to her. She couldn't do this anymore. Next meeting, she would tell Romania the truth, that she's developing feelings for Harry and that she can't do this anymore. She'll fall on her feet and request for some time to return all the money she had been given. She'll promise to keep her mouth shut about everything she'd learnt, and she'll leave the country with Harry. Somewhere they cannot kill him. He didn't deserve to die. 

Then she thought about Reagen. Would she be cursing her from above for taking her man? Or would she be happy that he found someone else? Did Harry once kiss her like he kissed y/n?

All these thoughts kept y/n awake until the early hours of the next morning. She fell asleep when it was 4 am, when Harry pulled her closer with his arm around her waist, left a soft kiss on her temple and buried his face deep in her neck. This was home. This felt like home.

y/n woke up a few hours later, to the smell of bacon. She looks around Harry's room. This was the first time she was in it. Of course she didn't get time to observe it last night. A guitar hung on the wall, and his room was plain. No pictures. 

She thought to look into his bedside drawers to find something. Something that told her that this man was not the man she was believing him to be. She quickly rummaged through his drawers, finding only papers, phone stuff, nothing interesting.

Then she finds a small velvet box. She opens it, and gasps when she sees the diamond ring glinting back at her. It had to be an engagement ring. She hears footsteps and quickly puts it back, getting back in bed.

"Good morning.", Harry smiles at her, still shirtless but wearing grey sweatpants. He looks beautiful in the sunlight, his morning skin glowing. 

"Good morning.", she replies back, her voice coming out a few pitches higher because of the surprise of what she found. "I smell breakfast."

"Yes. Come on, let's eat." Harry leans down to cup her face and give her a soft, gentle kiss on her lips. "I'll be right there.", she tells him.

Harry nods, and leaves the room. y/n breathes a sigh of relief, glad he didn't notice that she had totally searched his room. She freshened up in his bathroom, she had worn just his shirt for the night. It came up to her thighs. 

y/n had a splitting headache from everything. Her sleep deprivation, her constantly running mind, her guilt, her feelings for Harry, she wanted to scream.

y/n joins Harry in the kitchen, and he had already plated both of their plates. Bacon piled high on a plate of toast, and a runny egg. Just like how she likes it. He had poured coffee out for her too. She likes to drink coffee in the mornings. It helps to keep her awake for the rest of her day. She takes a sip of her coffee, and sighs. "That's perfect."

Harry smiles, pulling the chair back for her to sit. "What's on your list for today?"

"Same old. Cafe, studio and back home.", y/n replies. "You?"

"Same old. Hospital, patients, back home.", Harry says in the same tone, and it brings a smile onto her face. "Staying over tonight?", Harry asks hopefully.

"Um..I don't know Harry, I'll have to see how Uncle Luke is, I did leave him alone last night.", she says, and Harry nods, understanding. He moves one hand to place over hers. "Just so you know, I haven't been so happy in a long time. I'm glad you came into my life, y/n. I'm not just talking about last night."

y/n feels even more guilty, but she paints a smile on her face. "I could say the same for me." She was honest about that. Harry brought a change in her life, a breath of fresh air. Breakfast was delicious, but y/n didn't have an appetite.

Maybe because you're eating up other people's futures and trust, said her mind voice.

"Are you okay?", Harry's voice makes her look up at him as he stands in front of her. He had just finished eating and washing his plate. 

"Y-Yeah, just a headache..", y/n mumbles, bringing a hand to her forehead. Harry gently lifts her chin up and brings her hand down, before his eyes scanned her face. 

Did he know that she looked through his things? 

"Did you sleep well last night?", he asks, thumbs rubbing the skin under her eyes. 

"Um..no, not great, I had dreams.", she decides not to lie entirely. He must have understood from her face that she didn't sleep well. 

"The same dream you had that day?", he asks, and she was surprised he remembers about that. He pulls back her lower eyelids, like they do at the doctors. 

"Yeah.", y/n couldn't help but let a small smile escape. "What do you think, Doctor?"

"I think you should get some help about your sleep schedule. You always look tired, love. I noticed it before, but I didn't ask you. Are you getting at least five hours of sleep every day?"

Definitely not. y/n shakes her head and Harry sighs. "That's not good."

"It's just stress..Harry, I'll be fine.", y/n takes his hand as it left her cheek. "What are your dreams about?", he asks, his eyebrows furrowing together.

"It's the same thing always. Blood, broken windows, I hear people running, crying, and a gunshot.", y/n describes to him. "It's weird."

"Huh.", Harry thinks about it while he goes to rummage through his medicine cabinet. "Why do you think you see the same dream over and over again?"

"I think it maybe something about my parents.", she shares, she had never shared this with anyone before. "I'm not sure."

Harry nods, coming back with a small white pill and a glass of water. "Here, for the headache. Wake me up next time, okay? And you should see a Doctor."

"Can't you help me, Doctor?", she asks, and he smiles. "I can help you relax but I can't prescribe you sleeping pills without an actual appointment with you."

"How can you help me relax?", y/n was whispering before she could stop herself. 

"Want me to show you in the shower?", he asks, kissing her. 

"Please." y/n puts her arms around Harry's neck, letting him scoop her up.

______________________________________________________

"I can't do this anymore.", y/n tells Sania as they chat while they had their breaks. "Why do they think I can get him to crack? Honestly, I don't even think he's the guy they want. They're obviously mistaken."

"You think so because you slept with him?", Sania asks as she sips her caramel mocha.

"Sania! No. I've known him for almost three weeks now. He is a good man. A good man who helps people. I've seen him for who he is, and last night.." y/n takes a breath. "L-Last night, I confirmed it. That was real, Sania, we have feelings for each other. It wasn't just sex."

Sania squeezed her friend's hand. "Babe, I get it. But I suggest you don't get too attached to him. What if he really does remember stuff? We don't know what he did in the past. He's probably still capable of doing those."

"He wouldn't hurt me.", y/n spoke confidently. She saw his eyes. Those eyes would never dream of hurting her. He genuinely cares about her. "I'm the one who's hurting him. I-I really can't do this anymore. I-I'm gonna tell them."

"What? You're gonna tell Romania and those thugs!?", Sania's voice travels a bit too loudly, and y/n hisses at her to keep her voice down. "What can they do? Romania said she wouldn't hurt me."

"You believe that?", Sania asks. 

"I shouldn't have believed you.", y/n snaps. "It's you who set me up with them and got me into this fucking mess."

"Oh yeah? I only tried to help you, y/n. Aren't you better off? Would you have met Harry if it wasn't for this? Look, I didn't know this was going to get so complicated. I wouldn't have dragged you into this if I'd known. You had a choice to walk away y/n, don't blame this on me."

y/n sighs, closing her eyes and opening them again. "I know, I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do."

"You have one more week, y/n. Try your best. We'll see what happens later. Hang in there for now."

"Romania said she has some plan for the last week which she's sure should make him remember."

"Then you should wait.", Sania agrees. 

"I'm still gonna try talking to Romania."

Sania nods, rubbing her thumb over y/n's hand. "Wanna go grab dinner? Girl's night. You need one."

"I'd like that."

One more week. Little did y/n know that the fourth week was the one that was going to change her life forever.

[rubberduckyrye]

Okay in all seriousness. There's something that I REALLY want to talk about as an open discussion with the fandom, but. This is not going to be a very nice thing to hear/talk about.

It's about how Gonta is treated by the fandom.

As a fan of all the V3 characters now, and as someone who has always been a fan of Gonta, and as someone who has many mental disabilities and two diagnosed neurodivergancies... I'm tired of playing nice about it.

You all need to stop being ableist towards Gonta.

I've mentioned in the past that I don't like shitting on personal interpretations. I don't like saying something is or is not canon because narration is just a big web of text that you try to decipher with your own personal biases, experiences, and thoughts. That's why two literary analysts analyzing the same text with the same literary criticism rules can come to wildly different conclusions--why people develop different headcanons from the same canonical information.

But one of the things that challenged my integrity is just how many people view Gonta as this innocent, naive, ignorant, baby boy who can do no harm/never has a complicated/dirty/violent/sexual thought in his life ever.

This incredibly ableist interpretation of the character bothered me for, well, obvious reasons (See: It's fucking ableist, need I say more?) but I never challenged it as harshly as I am now because to be frank, it's not my place to tell people how to HC a character. It still isn't. But I've pretty much given up on my integrity on the subject and have decided to go all in on discussing why this interpretation of Gonta is just. Really bad.

First of all, not to promote my own analyses here or anything, but I think this analysis I did of Gonta explains a LOT in regards to the ableism the cast gives him in canon. I also think that this subtle ableism is why the fandom is so bad with Gonta's characterization in headcanons and fanfic--because they've seen how the cast treats him, and they think it's normal. They don't see the microaggressions, they don't see the subtle ableism in the cast--they just see this big giant idiot who speaks like Tarzan in the English version (which... I don't actually know why people assume Tarzan (Thinking of Disney's version) is stupid. Like as a boy he had to reinvent the spear with no one to guide him on how to do it. He was able to strategize and outsmart "civilized" men in the final showdown. Still I digress) and don't see the literal genius behind his social awkwardness.

There is also another very important point I'm going to make in addition to this, and it's going to be very uncomfortable to Gonta fans who insist he's nothing but a sweet baby who only has pure thoughts. Especially to the fans who insist he "can't be sexual" or think it's weird to ship him with his peers.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but... Gonta blatantly has sexual desire and gets horny right in canon.

This is further clarified here:

It wasn't a matter of Gonta didn't want to touch her because touching someone in their underwear was inappropriate, or being flustered because she was in her underwear which is inappropriate...

It was literally a "weird feeling" that made him unable to approach her or touch her. A "weird feeling" that Miu makes pretty obvious as to what it was--sexual arousal.

He literally was sexually attracted to and felt sexual arousal from looking at Miu in her underwear. He had sexual feelings and thoughts about Miu. Why?

Because Gonta is a young man.

Gonta is a brilliant, talented young man who has normal human thoughts for someone his age--sexual desires, upsetting thoughts, complicated thoughts, ectect. He is not a child, he is not mentally stunted (I've been informed that people have literally said this on Ao3 for the NSFW Gonta fics, please for the love of god stop that)

I think the reason why Gonta fans typically want to keep him as a "pure baby child who can do no wrong" is because treating him like the young adult that he is makes it harder for them to justify Chapter 4. Every time I've seen a Gonta fan that hates Kokichi, it's always followed by the sentiment of "Kokichi manipulated and abused Gonta into killing Miu, so it's all Kokichi's fault." They're afraid of nuance and liking a character with the grey morality of genuinely thinking Mercy Killing the cast is a viable option, because it challenges their own morals about the character they adore.

To those people who read this and are upset: You can and should like Gonta! Gonta is a magnificent character who showcases the subtle way microaggressions can manifest and hurt people, he's a good-hearted person and a literal genius, he cares deeply for his friends and loves everyone with upmost sincerity.

But.

You need to re-evaluate your stance on Gonta if you think he's a stupid, naive fool who Kokichi manipulated. You need to re-evaluate why you think those thoughts, why you think Gonta being shipped with anyone is "Kinda weird" or "has weird consent problems" or "give you the ick." You have to challenge yourself and ask yourself uncomfortable questions in regards to why you treat Gonta like a child when canon has proven otherwise, why you think he cannot have violent or sexual thoughts, why he can't think mercy killing his class is the only way to save them.

This isn't an attack on you--but understand that these specific takes on Gonta? They are ableist in nature. They belittle and dismiss him, they treat him like a child, an idiot who can't think for himself--and you have to come to terms with the fact that Gonta is a far more complex character with complicated thoughts and feelings who is a young adult. Not a child. A young adult.

So again, ask yourself this: Why are you treating this young adult like he's a toddler?

[endiness]

okay, i have gone through probably 50+ s2 interviews of hc researching this so far and i have to say that at this point i really don't see how he wasn't deliberately trying to manipulate the fanbase and the media against the writers and the show to get them onto his side. (and also, like, a very specific, extremely toxic section of the fandom at that.) (it's the sexist incel gamerbros. i'm talking about them.)

"I wanted to represent as much of a book-accurate Geralt as possible and a lot of the fans did as well, and so I campaigned really hard to make sure that he was more verbose, he sounded more intellectual, his choice of words was more thought out and that his approach to Cirilla and everyone else wasn’t antagonistic. Because it initially came across as he was just grumpy all the time with everyone and everything and I really wanted to show this three-dimensional character […] It’s gonna be tough to do the stuff which is as brilliant as Sapkowski’s writing, but it’s something I’m always gonna campaign for and it’s hopefully fit into the vision of the show."

there are so many interviews (ie virtually every interview out of 50+ with the exception of maybe, like, 3) where hc says the exact same thing about how he just cares so much about book accuracy, specifically where geralt's characterization is concerned, and that he really started to push for a more book accurate geralt in s2 and wanted him to be more verbose and intelligent and show that he isn't just a one dimensional character who just grunts and says hmm all the time like in s1 — and at no point does he ever take any responsibility for how that was due to his acting choices in the first place because he would cut his lines.

he also just straight up lies about the situation because the writers originally wrote geralt as being more verbose and book accurate in s1 but then changed the way they were writing him due to the acting choices he made. and yet he acts like that was never the case and that geralt was never originally written that way and he pushes this idea that a book accurate geralt went against lauren's vision. even though, once again, that was the original vision and it only changed due to him.

and on the extremely rare occasion (i'm talking, like, maybe 2 con panels here) that he ever takes any kind of responsibility for his role in all of that, he still waffles about and tries to present this image that he wasn't really cutting that many lines and they weren't really that important anyway and it didn't really matter:

"I didn't even cut that much. Just little bits when someone says how they feel, I thought if Geralt says nothing, and maybe the well-known grunts or hmms and sometimes the occasional f-word, people can take from that what they will."

even though that can't be true as confirmed by joey:

"Henry likes to cut his lines, 'cause he's lazy. No, he literally just likes to cut them. He likes to do more up here [frames his face with his hands] and just with face and hmms and grunts. There's a lot of hmms, and so I often have to take a lot of his lines and turn it into a lot of my stuff so that the plot happens."

and even hc himself confirms this and what joey said in a s1 interview:

"All the grunts, I either added or I didn't say anything and just grunted instead. It was often up to the other actors to go, 'I think he's not gonna say anything now.'"

i also have to point out that hc directly links his push for a more book accurate geralt to reading comments on reddit as i think that's very relevant to what section of the fandom exactly that he's pandering to and why he's been so vocal about it while lying about the role he played in everything and what actually happened:

"I’m on all the Reddit forums. I’m reading all the reviews. I’m literally trying to get everyone’s information. Some of it is not useful, and other criticisms are incredibly useful. I take it all in, and I look forward to bringing it even closer and closer to Sapkowski’s writing. I think any of those criticisms, they often lie in things like I was saying—we don’t have the advantage of a long involved conversation or dialogue with Geralt, so they are criticisms which I think I was prepared for. So for me, it’s about seeing that, understanding it, and working out how I can do my job better within the framework provided, [how to] appease and make those people feel comfortable that I do actually understand this character—and love this character just as much as they do."

"As a source for information, it's really helpful for me to see what everyone's saying, what everyone's thinking, and to see how much my thinking falls in line with whichever side of that spectrum it is and whether I'm doing the wrong thing, for example, by campaigning hard for the book Geralt to exist or whether I'm doing the right thing."

and just another important thing to point out imo: virtually the only times hc ever takes any responsibility in any capacity whatsoever for his own role in the show not adhering to the books (which even then he barely does and it's still always with a lot of excuses), it's only ever at con panels — which are far less likely to get picked up by news outlets and seen by a broader audience — and not in formal interview settings. (except for, i think, one interview he gave early on when s2 first went on hiatus. but even then, it still has the same problems that the con panels have where he comes up with a lot of excuses that don't match what happened.)

then there's an interview hc gave where he went on about how he added some book dialogue into a scene and he made it out to be like it was some kind of rebellion against the writers and he didn't consult them as he was just going to do what he wanted, consequences be damned:

"I did not feel like having long discussion about whether I could add this bit somewhere. So I just did it, said the words in front of the camera, and was ready to face the consequences."

and meanwhile what actually happened was that lauren eventually let hc have free reign and rewrite a scene that he was unhappy with. which, y'know. kinda fucking weird to present what happened in the way he did.

and then there's him pushing this narrative that the female characters — namely yennefer and ciri — were given more depth and focus than geralt and the male characters as if that came at their expense and all of which is somehow due to lauren's women-centric vision of the show as if that's somehow opposed to how the books themselves are:

"On season two, I wanted to bring as much of 'Book' Geralt into the show that Lauren's vision and that the plot would allow. That's a tricky thing to do, because the plot, as Lauren has said, is very centred around bringing women into the centre of The Witcher."

"In Season 1, there wasn't really much of an opportunity for expansive dialogue which Geralt is known for — in the books, he's often known to monologue — because we had two original origin stories which were the center point of the show."

"Lauren’s vision was more of an ensemble piece than the first Witcher books. It’s driven a lot more by the characters of Yennefer and Cirilla."

"I wanted to make sure we really explored as much as showrunner's vision could allow. She has her own plan, so I’ve got to toe that line between book Geralt and Lauren’s vision."

"I wanted to try and bring as much of the book’s Geralt into Season 2 as possible, and as much as the vision, the plot and storylines would allow. The toughest part for me was finding that balance between the showrunners’ vision and my love for the books, and trying to bring that Geralt to the showrunners’ vision."

"It’s important for me to have the character be three-dimensional and it’s tricky to do, as I was saying earlier, because there’s a certain vision and there’s a certain set, storyline and plot. And so, it was about me trying to find Geralt’s place within that."

"There’s only so much space to provide the same character from the books within the showrunner’s vision. But, I did my best to provide a bit more of a three-dimensional character with a bit more emotionality."

"It's important to me that the men in the story are three dimensional as well."

like, first off — and not to continually reiterate this but — that's not true. in s1, geralt was originally written as being just as verbose and intellectual as he was in the books and that only changed due to hc cutting his lines and we know that joey often had to take his lines, too. so there was, in fact, always plenty of time for geralt to be book accurate and for yennefer and ciri to have their own focus. these things were never mutually exclusive and it's definitely some kinda take to imply otherwise.

secondly, while it is true that geralt is the main character of the short stories, ciri is the main character of the main series starting from blood of elves, the book that s2 adapted. and despite claims otherwise, her pov has always had the most focus — yes, even more than geralt (sans baptism of fire, obvs.) and it's not like ciri is the only female pov, either, or that there aren't other important female characters that make up the series. there's yennefer, triss, milva, philippa, fringilla, nimue, condwiramurs, kenna — and that's just off the top of my head. there are plenty more where that came from. women and their stories have always played a central role in the books. nothing about that goes against them or is unique to lauren's vision.

and just with boe in particular, like. triss's pov is either focused on more than geralt's or at least about as much as his depending on how you want to break things down. and with dandelion following very close behind them, too! like, ciri may be the main character of the main series and geralt may be the main character of the short stories and their povs are the most focused on overall, but the books are still very much an ensemble piece made up of a collage of many, many povs to paint a full picture of the universe. and, yeah, the women make up a huge part of that. so the show focusing on ciri and yennefer and the women — and, yes, the men as well because it does actually do that! — is um, still book accurate. so y'know, why the fuck is he presenting this idea that's somehow not the case.

in general, hc emphasizes in a lot of interviews how much he fought for "male characters to be three dimensional." which yeah, given the context of everything else, is some suspicious kinda phrasing because it gives this undertone that the show wasn't writing three dimensional male characters in the first place as opposed to the women and that it's only due to his efforts that anything changed.

also, i have to highlight this quote of him talking about the three dimensionality of men because ~curious that he omits women from the list of people real menTM can be loving and caring toward:

"I believe that real men are very sensitive. They are very capable of doing things which can be violent, if possible, or necessary. But at the same time, they are incredibly capable of love and caring amongst men and towards children and family and all sorts."

and then there's the way hc talks about changing things which comes across as so suspicious, too, imo. especially when there is every other cast member to compare him to. because the way the rest of the cast has talked about this is that they all very consistently say that the whole process is very collaborative and that lauren is very much willing to hear them out about their thoughts and concerns and that it really feels like a team effort and that everyone is working together. and meanwhile the vibes that hc gives off is either "me vs the world (ie the writers)" or "but there's nothing that i can really do to change anything and it's all on the writers~" either way, his attitude very much comes off like all bad decisions are the writers' fault but meanwhile any good decision was due to him and him alone (or maybe the rest of the cast, but definitely not the writers.) like, weird af to play it off that way especially since every other cast member didn't seem to have any problems and they all gave credit where credit was due ie to lauren and the writers.

in conclusion, it'd be one thing if hc had just taken the l and admitted that he is the one who fucked up geralt's characterization in s1 and so he sought to rectify that in s2. but yeah, he doesn't really do that. instead he lies over, like, 50 times to create this narrative of him pushing for book accuracy as if that's somehow in opposition to lauren and the writers and as if they didn't originally write geralt book accurately in the first place and as if he played no role in the lack of book accuracy at all. and then that there's also him pushing this subtle (or not so subtle) narrative about how the women were taking a more central role as opposed to the men and that's somehow unlike the books and something purely due to lauren's vision, too? even though women have always played a central role in the books to the point where ciri is the main character of the main series? and that he's directly linked this narrative he's pushing to reading comments on reddit? (and that he also has a history, since s1, of trying to cater to game stans?) yeah, i just don't see how this doesn't add up to him trying to manipulate the media and audience — especially the worst parts of the fanbase — against the writers and the show and onto his side.

(also just one last thing i'd like to note as i find it super weird that when hc was asked about giving freya any advice, he immediately shut down the notion that he would ever do anything like that and he would never offer her any unsolicited advice and he would only ever give her any if she came to him first. like, there are literally s1 and s2 interviews where freya talks about hc giving her advice. i mean, maybe she did come to him in the first place, idk. but the immediacy in which he shut down the idea that he would ever do anything like that as if offering someone younger than you advice and being a mentor to them is wrong… weird. sus, even. like, why are you scrambling to cover your ass for something that's not even bad and, also, why are you lying about it by omission in the very least.)

[dduane]

Buenas tardes:

I’m writing you this ask with fear that it might seem weird but, do you have any advice about starting to publish books nowadays? I have seen some Amazon auto publishing in kindle, but I’m not sure how trustworthy that is, with all that AI going around. Nor what other options might be.

Thank you so much for your time, I loved your Star Trek novels

A

P.S.I apologise for the broken English, it is not my first language

First of all: your English is fine—don't worry about it. :) (And thanks for the nice words about the Trek books! I very much appreciate them.)

About getting into self-publishing in general: There are a lot of pathways into it, and some that (for various reasons of ethics) may rightly be seen as superior. But Amazon does seem to some folks as the most accessible "way in" for people who don't have a lot of money to invest in their startup. For the moment, therefore, let's stick with that.

There's no question that starting selfpub at the Zon is a lot more dodgy than it used to be. But I think your odds of success—and don't forget, there are a lot of metrics for "success"—are as good as any other real person's.

It's also worth noting in passing that Amazon now requires you to specify whether or not your submission contains any AI. (And naturally, AI-using scammers and other people eager to game the system are going to lie about this.)

For the moment, never mind the AI. Your job as a new Amazon-based writer is mainly to write some books, publish them, and then market the hell out of them, any way you can, while you write some more. It may seem daunting, but there are well-traveled pathways to start doing this.

Adding a break here, because this is likely to run a bit long. Warning: contains work, work and more work, without any ironclad guarantee of success; also incredible oversimplification of a long and complex process. (But I'm already working on three books at the moment, so forgive me for not escalating this into a fourth.) :)

Very briefly, here's a nod toward general strategy. (And forgive me for glossing over, here, the admittedly huge effort and commitment required for conceiving and writing just one book, let alone a series of them. Or numerous series of them. Self-publishing involves gigantic amounts of hard work... but I think you've already suspected that.)

Having talked to people who've worked exclusively in Amazon and have (or had) no previous publishing credential, they've emphasized to me the importance, when you're getting started, of having at least a few books ready to go when you're ready to start publishing. Meaning that you can't write just one and fling it out there into the cold cruel world on its own. Readers who immediately look for more of your work and don't find it are likely to dismiss you, and it, as not worth a second look... mostly because the Algorithm has trained them to.

So let's pretend you've got a series of books to publish—and this can be open-ended or not: at this point it doesn't matter. Let's say that, to launch yourself and your work, you've written three books (ideally no shorter than 50,000 words, and between 60-80K is thought to be better). The idea is that those will be plenty to start with, and enough to let your readers decide whether they like what you're doing. (Writing them will also serve as useful proof of concept that you can actually write novels, if you don't already have any proof already.)

The strategy that's been described to me is for you, at this point, to release those three books into Amazon a week (or two or three) apart. Then, when they're all out there, you publish to Kindle Unlimited, as a "free sample", a shorter work in that series—ideally some kind of prequel—containing links to the three main novels.

Then you keep repeating this kind of pattern as often as is comfortable for you, while carefully studying the analysis of results Amazon will provide for you so that you can see what seems to be working best and/or what's not working at all.

Now comes the question of how best to support those novels (and the ones that will follow them). Leaving aside the complex question of how and when and where to advertise (and how to afford it!), you need a way to make it easy for readers and other interested parties to reassure themselves, if they need it, that you're a real person: and that you are in fact a writer who's serious about their business and in it for the long haul. For this you need at least two things:

A website

A social media presence

The website can be handled a number of different ways... though I'd suggest you avoid build-your-own-site-easy platforms like Wix if you can: they don't seem to be terribly good at the customer support end, and I'm not convinced that they're any cheaper in the long run than buying your own domain name, buying hosting for it, and posting a WordPress site in that online space. But at the very least, you need a site where you can talk a little about yourself, and mostly about your books, and publish links to their locations on Amazon.

The social media presence can be in one or two places, or lots, depending on how much energy you have to spend on this part of the effort. The main advice I can offer you here, both from my own experience and others', is to absolutely NOT have your entire social media presence—especially in the shortest-form types of social media like Twitter and Bluesky—be about pushing your own work. There seem to be few things that will turn people off you faster. And also, these days maybe such an approach would make people likelier to mistake you for AI. Let people see who you are, and at intervals let them know that you write, too.

(sitting back and looking at all this) If all this sounds like a ton of work? Make no mistake, it really is. It can get exhausting. But this is just one of the areas where your passion and determination as a writer will be tested over the long haul.

It might have been simpler, back in The Day, to just write and let your publisher get on with all the stuff that surrounded bringing a book out. But there was also a whole lot less control for the writer, in that older paradigm. The newer one offers you a lot more control... and a lot more work, which may or may not yield a lot more profit. All you can do is give it a shot and see how it works out for you.

In any case, however you decide to proceed: I wish you good luck on the journey!

[holdinbacksecrets]

how do you think svt would subtly let you know they have feelings for you? 🥺🫣 or how they’d confess?

first of all, my sincere apologies for taking a year to answer this… but a couple nights ago i woke up at 2am, scrolled through my requests, and yours ended up inspiring these voicemails. thank you for requesting! i hope you enjoy 🖤

thank you @un-love for helping me assign these🫶🫶🫶🫶

voicemails seventeen leave you, hinting feelings

seungcheol: “hey…a lot was said last night…it’s important that you know how proud of you i am for opening up to me. it’s just…you have to know that… my home is yours for however long you need. there are clean sheets on the guest bed, but i know you prefer my mattress…we can switch- i just want you to be comfortable, not to worry about anything, ok? i hope i see you when i get home tonight. or if you want me to meet you at his—yours, i’d be happy to.”

jeonghan: “hey, are you ok? you looked upset last night, and i tried to show i noticed without… showing i noticed. you left earlier than i expected with lia, so i didn’t get a chance to ask. then hoshi was fucking wasted, so i was trying to get him home in one piece. let me know, please.”

joshua: “morning, let me know what time you’d like to leave tonight. the party starts at 8, but i don’t think it’s really going to start until 8:30. we could get dinner before if you want? and it’s ok if you forget a cardigan. now i keep one in my car in case we end up on a balcony.”

jun: “you’re probably freaking out, but your laptop is here. it’s fully charged. i can bring it to you. i know you have classes friday afternoon… if you use your ipad instead, come over after. i’ll make you dinner.”

soonyoung: “at this point, i need to keep your grocery store list on my notes app or something. it doesn’t matter where i am or what grocery store i find myself inside, i’m immediately wondering what you need. i end up getting things i know you’ll like… tampons too and those pads with the wings. i started keeping them in different bags i use because i never know which one i’ll have when i see you. i know it’s silly because you always have something with you just in case, but… i don’t know. i don’t want to be completely helpless. now i feel bad for my sister. is that weird? i never did this for her. i should have. i hope her boyfriend does.”

wonwoo: “i think you’re asleep, but i wanted to remind you to take another dosage of pain medicine when you wake up. it’s been twelve hours, and i know how forgetful you can get in that post-sleep haze.”

jihoon: “it’s so sunny here. i’m sending some to you for your birthday. missing your birthday… how the hell did that end up happening? i’m definitely not incredibly upset about it either… happy birthday. tell me all about your day when you get this. if i don’t answer, leave a detail in your voicemail” *whisper sings happy birthday*.

seokmin: “hey you. so i’m at the cafe, and i ordered a chai latte for you before realizing i didn’t know how much longer you’ll be. if it’s cold by the time you get here, i’ll order you another or see if they have a microwave. i think some customers are staring me down because i’m a single man occupying a table. please hurry. kindly. i say that so kindly.”

mingyu: “is it absolutely ridiculous to believe you… some part of you manifests in willow trees? i think of you, and i see one. it’s happened too many times to be a coincidence, even in other countries. i’ve taken pictures, so you have to believe me.”

minghao: “—you have to come with me next time.”

seungkwan: “do you want to be my date to my sister’s wedding? it’s not a big deal. i mean, it is, but i know how anxious you can get about things like this, so i want you to know it’s not a big deal… did you believe that for a second?”

hansol: “there’s going to be an indoor pop-up market two blocks from your apartment on saturday. i took a picture of the flyer through the car window, but it came out all blurry, and i’m running late for a schedule. this is a reminder for myself to make sure the details reach you. i also want to go with you if you decide to go… if you can go.”

chan: “can we change our friday night plans to saturday? i’m so sorry. my mom has an appointment, and i offered to drive her before my brain caught up and realized the day and time she’s scheduled. i don’t think i’ll make it back early enough, and i don’t want to leave her either, you know? she’s having a little procedure done. i want to be around just in case… because i’m worried about it. i didn’t think i’d be this worried. call me when you get this.”

bonus: “i’m around the corner from your place, and i have the tokyo hoodie with me. it’s your week, it’s freshly washed, so let me know if you’re home. i’ll drop it off.”

[tiredfox64]

Too Late? You’re Still Young!

Prior notes: DILFS! I LOVE THEM! I LITERALLY HAVE A I ❤️ DILFS SHIRT! YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I LOVE? CONSENT! WE 👏 LOVE 👏 CONSENT👏!

Pairing: Johnny Cage (MK11) x Virgin! Afab reader

Warnings ‼️: NSFW, fingering, praising, nipple play, safe sex is sweeter, mating press, aftercare (is freaking important)

So you spent all of high school and all of college with you virginity in tact. Impressive, but it wasn’t your choice. With a sheltered home life like yours you struggled to understand the dating scene. You were too afraid to have a boyfriend since you worried you would get in trouble with your family. You never had the talk before but your hormones were a big indicator that you were missing some important information about your body. You somewhat found the solution when you placed a pillow between your legs and it felt incredible good to you.

Through Sex Ed class and word around school you figured out what you were in need of. But to get it seemed so difficult. At least now you knew your fingers were a good option.

That frustration grew in you and you couldn’t voice it out. Even telling it to your best friend Cassie felt wrong. You’re almost graduating and you still have your v card! You can’t do this anymore. Maybe it’s time to ask Cassie for advice. Even if she can’t help you maybe one of her friends can. Two of them are engaged to each other you doubt they are waiting till after marriage. Heaven knows you can’t.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

You went over to Johnny’s mansion since you remembered Cassie was staying with him for a bit. You knocked on the door and waited patiently with an anxious look on your face. It was Johnny who opened the door.

“Hey! I haven’t seen you in a while,” He paused for a second, “Woah, what’s up with that face?”

“Hi, Mr. Cage. Is Cassie here right now?” You asked sheepishly.

“Nope, sorry. She just went out with Jacqui. But you should still come in. I’ll get you something to drink.” He invited you in.

You went inside, taking your shoes off at the entrance like a decent human being. You followed Johnny into the kitchen where you sat at the island. He gave you a glass of water which you thanked him for before he started talking.

“So what’s going on? You don’t seem to happy. Let me guess, a professor gave you a bad grade.”

He knows you too well. That could be true but not at this moment. You did smile though which is the reaction he wanted.

“No actually, it’s more of a…body issue.” You tried your best to explain it without saying it out loud.

“Ah, shark week I’m guessing? That’s why you need Cassie.”

“No! No! It’s another kind of issue that I have a hard time saying.” Your voice grew quieter the more you spoke.

Johnny stayed patient. He waited to see if you would say it yourself. You were being vague so he really didn’t understand what was going on. You sighed before continuing.

“The thing is I’m still a virgin. It’s really embarrassing. I feel so frustrated knowing that my body needs something but I either don’t know what it is or I can’t get it.” Now he understands.

He stayed silent for a bit as he thinks about what you said. He would say it’s no big deal but he’s a man with a high body count so he shouldn’t be talking. Still, he doesn’t want you feeling bad about it.

“Cassie did tell me you were a bit sheltered. But I don’t see why it’s a problem. You’re a nice and intelligent girl and I would hate for some dick to take your virginity as if it was nothing.”

“Everybody says that to me! I know what I am and I understand I need a good man to do it with. But how will I know what is considered a good man if no one tells me.” You were really expressing your frustration.

You had a point and Johnny could see that. You were at risk of being misguided. Everyone is at risk of that no matter what but you had a disadvantage. He had an idea that might work out but it seemed so stupid. Hormonal stupid. He’s been deprived for a while now and getting the chance to have some fun is really tempting right now. But he doesn’t want to take advantage of your situation. It won’t hurt to ask.

“Alright listen, how about you and me…do it. I’ll show you how it goes and what a man should be doing to you. It’s up to you. I won’t force you to do anything.” He said calmly.

You froze up and your cheeks started to feel warm. You were surprised he would suggest something like that even though you knew of his flirting habits. Was it a good idea however? He is your friend’s dad and he is way older than you. You can’t deny though that he is still good looking for his age. Older does mean more experience, right? He’s been so nice to you too so you can trust that he’s a good man. Screw it, he’s the best option!

“You wouldn’t mind doing that? I mean I do feel comfortable with you, especially since I don’t have any guy friends.”

“Of course, but only this one time. Promise me you won’t tell Cassie, right? I get it she’s your best friend and best friends tell each other everything and whatnot. But she is still my daughter and I doubt she will be happy that I banged one of her best friends.”

“I promise. She will never find out.” Better make sure of that.

He nodded before taking your hand and guiding you up the stairs. It was exciting yet nerve racking. Johnny could sensed that and squeezed your hand to tell you it’s gonna be alright. He’s gonna take good care of you.

You two walked into his bedroom. His bed was large and comfortable which helped settle your nerves. He brought you over to the bed and had you sit next to him. He may be an expert in this but he has never really dealt with a girl who was so nervous before. He better take this real slow and talk you through it.

“Alright, first things first, a man should never go right into it. Foreplay is very important. It will help make the experience better for you and prevent you from getting hurt down there.” He instructed.

You had no idea what foreplay was but you trusted Johnny enough to not asking him about it. You were right to do so since all he did at first was kiss your neck. Already that was a lot for you. Each kiss felt like a little tingle that shot down between your legs.

Johnny’s hand was slowly tracing down your body till he got to the waistband of your pants. Your breathing hitched which alerted him you were getting nervous again.

“Shh, it’s okay. Remember I’m taking it slow. I won’t hurt you.” He whispered against your neck.

You relaxed a little as his hand slipped under. His fingers lightly touched your clit and you whimpered immediately. It felt way different than when you would do it to yourself. This is way better, probably cause you are receiving it from someone else. Johnny wanted to see how you were a little more down and was surprised at how wet you already were. He could easily slip his fingers in if he wanted to.

“Damn, you’re really wet. I’ve never had a girl get this excited so quickly.” He commented.

You were embarrassed by that. Barely touched and you are soaking wet down there. You turned your head away from Johnny to prevent any further embarrassment. He just chuckled lightly at your reaction.

“It’s not a bad thing. It makes it easier. You’re doing good.”

One of his fingers slipped into your pussy with ease. You gasped in surprise and pleasure. You never fingered yourself since you never felt anything from it. But you sure felt it now. That one finger slowly pumped inside you as his thumb rubbed your clit. You were keeping yourself together which was good. Johnny felt like you could take a little more.

“You think you can take another one?”

You nodded your head confidently. You wanted more anyways. Your body was in need of it. Now having both his ring and middle finger in you was like heaven. He went a little faster while his thumb kept rubbing your clit.

Your whimpers to turned to quiet, breathy moans. Now it felt too good. Without thinking you were trying to close your legs. You don’t know why you do it you just know you don’t want to make it hard for Johnny.

“Gotta keep your legs open for me. I promise it will be better for you if you do.”

You listened and tried your best to keep your legs open, spreading them wider than before. That should do it.

“That’s it, good girl.” He whispered.

Immediately you had a reaction. Your heart did flips and you felt warmth in your stomach. Johnny caught on when he felt your pussy clench against his fingers. Not surprising considering you always did seem excited by praise no matter what. He’ll keep that in mind when he fucks you in just a moment.

Your body grew hotter the longer this went on. It didn’t help that Johnny was so close to you. So close that his other hand went to the small of your back to support you. You didn’t know what to do with your hands so you were left clenching the bed sheets. Suddenly he asked you a very important question.

“Wait, now that I’m thinking about it, have you even had your first kiss?”

Nope, you didn’t even get that. You nodded no.

“Well I must look like a jerk. What kind of man am I,” He said comedically, “Let me help you with that as well.”

This must be some sort of dream. A dirty one at best. A dream where you are kissing your best friend’s hot dad as he fingers you. Even if you weren’t the best at kissing, Johnny was making it work. Thank goodness your lips were soft cause you’d be embarrassed if they weren’t.

This was all enough to send you over the edge. It really didn’t take much effort since you were so deprived. Your eyes were shut tight as you felt pleasure pulse through your body. You were moan against Johnny’s lips. He felt your pussy clench his fingers which was enough evidence to show he just made you cum. Damn, in three minutes? That’s a new record. To him that was impressive and boosted his already high ego. You were embarrassed, thinking that cumming too early was a bad thing. It’s only bad when it’s guys, you’re fine.

“I’m sorry. I thought I would last longer.” You apologized.

“There’s no need to apologize. It just means we can get to the really fun part now. Take your clothes and get comfortable on the bed.” He instructed.

Johnny gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before slipping his hand out from your pants. He wanted to make sure you were still comfortable. There was no need to feel embarrassed around him. The important thing is if you’re comfortable and still okay with this.

You took your time when taking your clothes off. Obviously you never stripped down in front of a man. Even when you would go to the pool you were nervous to take your shirt off. This was a big leap but you felt like you could do this. Deep breathes and take your time.

While you did that, Johnny went over to his bedside table to grab a condom. You could see how prepared this man is when you saw the long line of condoms he had. It’s been a while for him, they’re still good.

When you took all your clothes off you were quick to get on the bed and cover yourself with the blankets. He doesn’t mind he understands. He started to strip his clothes off and oh…wow.

You don’t care what anybody says he is like fine wine. He looks like he’s still in his prime. You couldn’t deny you felt yourself get wetter and you pressed your thighs together to alleviate the pressure down there. Then he took his pants off. Girl, you’re in trouble but a good kind of trouble.

You’re not mathematician or scientist but you can definitely say he was bigger than average. Was it supposed to be that thick? He saw how wide your eyes were and decided to tilt your head up so you could look at him instead.

“You should probably keep your eyes on me for now. Might scare you if you look down there for too long.” He’s not wrong but he sounds arrogant saying that.

He got on the bed and slowly pulled the blankets off you. You were still being shy which is fine. There is no need to rush into this he will make sure you are comfortable with going ahead. Plus, he’s gotta comment on those tits.

“You have a nice pair on you. Do you mind?” He was asking for your permission to play with them.

You nodded and he went in slowly. You felt his hands cup your breasts gently. His thumb rubbed against your soft skin. You were surprised by how calming it felt. Sure you were even more turned on but you also felt less nervous. Johnny came in closer and started to leave kisses all over them. At first it was gentle but then he decided he wanted to leave hickeys on them. Nothing too big but they were the perfect spot since no one will see them. It was definitely a new feeling but when you saw the marks he left on you, you knew you liked it.

You know what else you liked? When his tongue ran over your nipple. It surprised you but you soon relaxed again to the feeling. He sucked on your nipple gently, not wanting to overstimulate you just yet. His other hand went to pinch your other nipple which excited you more. Once again it was another situation where it felt better when someone else did it instead of you. With all this combined you started to grow needy. There was no sense of embarrassment or nervousness anymore, only this need to be fucked. You started to whine which let Johnny know you were ready.

“Alright, alright, I get you. Just give me a second, babe.”

It didn’t take long for Johnny to put the condom on, what a manwhore. He angled himself before holding your hand. It was for support.

“Just tell me if you need me to stop, okay?”

Then he started to push into your wet pussy. The feeling of being stretched out for the first time was deliciously painful. It’s not what you expected. You expected to be screaming and for a bunch of blood to come out. Nope, not at all. Inch by inch he slowly pushed himself inside of you till he was fully in. He didn’t start thrusting immediately since he knew you had to adjust.

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’m more than okay.”

“That’s good. You’re doing so good. So good for me.” Johnny started to give you kisses on your face which you appreciated.

After a few moments he started slowly thrusting into you. Your hand squeezed his but you never told him to stop. The pain slowly turned into pleasure. Finally, the pleasure of being fucked. Each thrust was another wave of pleasure through you. It was confusing at first, like your mind couldn’t comprehend something this good. Your body could.

Johnny started picking up the pace when no sign of pain was present in your face. You stopped having control over your moans. You weren’t being loud like a porn star. It was more like you couldn’t fake it even if you tried.

Damn, that’s what I sound like?

He didn’t want to push it too far but he was so tempted to pound into you. It’s been so long and you honestly felt amazing. He loved looking down at you and watching your breasts jiggle every time he thrusted in. You squeezed so nicely around his cock. He was trying to hold himself back from getting rough and you could see that. You wouldn’t push your lucky but your body says otherwise. Hormones are crazy like that, they will yell at you to do anything to get the pleasure you need. Your arms wrapped around his neck and your legs around his waist. You looked into his eyes and you said something that seemed so out of character for you but was what you truly wanted.

“Please go harder.” You begged.

“Fuck, are you sure?” Trust me, Johnny wanted to but he was still worried about hurting you.

You whined and wrapped your legs even tighter around his waist which let him know you weren’t playing.

“Alright, I get it. Never would have expected you to be so needy.” He teased.

He’ll do you one better. How about a new position? Nothing crazy but you will like it. He grabbed your thighs and pushed your legs back before putting you into a mating press. And you thought he was already deep enough. Good thing you are surprisingly flexible.

You really do need to keep your legs open more. It felt amazing to you when Johnny started pounding into your pussy. This position made it easier to hit that sweet spot inside you which you didn’t even know about.

You could hear a wet, squishing sound coming from down there every time he pulled in and out. Not only that but there was also the sound of skin slapping every time he rammed into you. It turned you on even more. You know why? Cause that’s the sound of being fucked, honey!

Johnny had a nice view in front of him. Listening to you moan for him as he continues to fuck you. You make him feel young again. He still has it in him. The energy to have fun with a girl and make her moan. Fuck, he is so glad he is doing this now.

You would be thinking the same but all you could focus on was how big he was and how all of that was slamming into you. At this point why hide any of your moans. No one is around and this is your first time. You should have as much freedom as you want. Get the full experience. You were keeping your eyes closed out of embarrassment but that won’t last for long.

“Come on, open those pretty eyes for me. Can you do that just for me, gorgeous?” Johnny whispered to you.

When he says it like that how can you deny. You slowly opened your eyes to look up at him. Sure you were still embarrassed but you realize that it was just hotter this way. The connecting that the eyes make. You’ve never seen a man look at you in such a way. A look that makes you feel desirable. There might even be some affection behind it. Because Johnny does care for you. Even if this is a one time thing he wants you to have the best experience and walk away with no regrets. It’s working for you.

It was all so much. The sounds, the feelings, the connection, the intimacy is all getting to you. Your nails started scraping against his back lightly. Your toes curled and your legs shook a little. Your eyes almost rolled back and your moans grew louder. You were about to cum and Johnny could see that.

“You’re gonna cum? You wanna cum, pretty girl? Go ahead. Just keep looking at me.” He commanded.

You kept looking at Johnny as he slammed into your sweet spot again. This orgasm was better than the last one. It felt like a heat radiated through your body. All your worries came undone just like you. Like a knot just unraveling in your stomach. You looked at Johnny with half-lidded eyes as you let out breathy moans. Damn, he could have came right there on the spot but he was holding himself together.

“Bet that felt good, didn’t it.” He teased before leaving some kisses on your face.

You knew Johnny would feel like a king after making you cum twice. He’s cocky like that. Ah, but you forgot. He hasn’t cum yet.

“You think you can go a little longer for me, baby? Just a little longer.” He asked to keep going so he can cum.

He didn’t wanna overstimulate you during your first time but it’s your call. You’re a trooper, you can go a little longer even though you are incredibly sensitive down there now. You nodded which made him smile.

He stopped pressing down on you which was a relief for your legs. He still kept them open. He started thrusting into you again, not as rough as when he had you in a mating press but it still felt great. He watched as his cock went in and out of your pussy. Your wetness coated the condom and it still made a wet sound. Oh how he wished he could just take it off and fuck you raw. Fell how warm you are and cum into that sweet pussy of yours. But that’s a stupid idea. One that young Johnny would make and he’s a better man than that. Still won’t stop him from thinking about it.

And that view of you, mwah! Watching your legs shake slightly from being overstimulated. Your hands gripping the sheets around you. Your breasts kept jiggling no matter how hard he pounded into you. He can see your eyes grow wet as you handle the sensations. All that combined with his little fantasy of cumming inside you sent him over the edge. One more thrust in and he was cursing softly as his cum filled the condom.

You both were left panting after that wonderful experience. Johnny pulled out and went to dispose of the condom. Damn there was a lot in there.

You were pretty exhausted but happy nonetheless. You don’t really know what you are supposed to do after. If you’re supposed to just put your clothes on and walk off as if what happened didn’t happen. That’s not how this goes. Not with Johnny.

He came back to you with a bottle of water in his hand. He went next to you and helped you sit up, placing his other hand on your back.

“You’re probably really exhausted after that. Here, drink this.” You gladly accepted the bottle of water, not even realizing how parched you were.

“So, what now? Do I just leave?” You asked which just proved to Johnny that it was best that he did it with you first.

“If a man ever told you to leave right after he’s an asshole. Don’t ever let a man do that to you. Come here.” Johnny pulled you close to him and made you lay down.

Your head laid on his chest which his arm was wrapped around you. He pulled the blankets over you to make sure you were comfy. His fingers ran through your hair which soothed you even more. This was incredibly nice. You didn’t realize how tired you were till he put you in this position. Your eyelids started to grow heavy and your breathing slowed down. There was only one thing left to say to him.

“Thank you…” You said softly.

You drifted off to sleep in his arms as he gave you a kiss on your forehead. Maybe Johnny was getting pretty old since he needed to sleep as well after that. He too started to fall asleep, happy to have a wonderful girl next to him again.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

Cassie and Jacqui just came back from their little, or more like big, shopping trip. Cassie was about to call out to her dad till she saw your shoes at the entrance.

“Oh shit, she’s here?” She said.

She went around calling your name, surprised you weren’t out in plain sight. in fact, neither was her dad. She guessed that maybe you were upstairs in her room. Nope, not there either. Well if anything her dad had to be in his room or something. She knocked a few times but no answer. She just decided to open the door herself.

“Hey dad, do you have any idea where-“ Cassie stopped herself when you looked at the scene in front of her. Even Jacqui gasped out loud.

She slowly closed the door again, a shocked expression on her face. She looked at Jacqui who confirmed what they saw was true. Out of all of Cassie’s friends she would have never suspected you of sleeping with her father. She doesn’t even think you did it on purpose you’re not that kind of person. This was all so much and she could only mutter three words.

“What the fuck.”

After notes:🍊…🦊so like, you gonna pay rent or something? Do I gotta feed you? Fuck do you even eat? One of your comrades came crashing through the window this early morning. Who the fuck gonna pay for that? Ah, anyways. My daddy issues have come to say hi. Can’t tell if fucking Johnny will heal me or having him be a father figure to me will. Just need him to ruffle my hair and tell me my professors are the bitches not me. Hope y’all have a good day! Adiós!

[yourlastbraincell-kiwi]

another chase davenport fic???

A/N: Of course! I would love to make another one for you guys. I’m happy that you liked the first one!

Here’s another Chase fan fiction for ya! It’s a little on the short end, but I hope it’s still good!

Might be typos!!

Pairing: Chase Davenport x Reader

——————🧬——————

“Hey, guys.” I smiled, as I unbuckled my seat and walked out of the hydro-loop.

They all greeted me, as I walked in. “What are you doing here?” Leo asked as they all three of them walked over to me.

I shrug, “Just wanted to drop by, surprise everyone.”

“Well, color me surprised.” Bree said and we exchanged a hug.

“Well, you can color me blue. I think it really goes with my complexion.” Adam said, looking into an imaginary mirror. I shook my head and hugged both him and Leo.

“Where’s Chase?”

“Not sure, said he had something big to show us.”

“Well, I know it’s not his height.” Adam said, walking over to us after grabbing a water from the bar table.

“Guys, I’m ready to show you what I’ve been working on.” Chase stated, and I revealed myself from behind in Adam, Bree and Leo.

“Got room for one more?”

“(Y/N).” He smiled wide and hugged me tight. “What are you doing here? Thought you be on the main land, for a couple more days.”

“Well, I couldn’t wait, and had my trip cut short. So, what was that thing you were showing them?”

“Oh, I.. uh..” He said stumbling over his words, “It’s in the our sleeping quarters, but I need to put the finishing touches on everything.”

“I thought it was done already?”

“It is, just want to make sure it perfect.” He said and ran into the training room.

“Was that weird to you guys?”

“Not from how he acts normally, I’d say that was pretty normal.” Leo responded and the rest nodded their heads in agreement.

—————

We all sat down in the cafeteria area, and ate a light snack. “Hey, don’t you guys think he should be done with the finishing touches, on what he is working on?”

“Yeah, it’d had been a long time.”

“That’s how Chase always is, give him around 2-3 business days.”

“I don’t have time to wait.”

“Hey, wait, wait. Maybe give him a couple more minutes. You know how he needs to work alone.” Bree said holding me back.

“Well, I can help him out. He seems to like when I do that.” I brushed past Bree and Leon quickly ran up to stand in front of me.

“Bree, come on! I need to check on him.”

“Bree is right, (Y/N). He told us himself that he needs peace and quiet.”

“Well, I can still check in and see if he needs anything.”

I walk past them again, this time Adam stands in my ways. “Adam, don’t even try it. Try me, and you won’t get anymore food from the main land.”

I replied and Adam stepped back and they look at him, like he was crazy. “I’m sorry guys, she drives a hard bargain.”

I finally make my way to the room where they all had their sleeping capsules. “Chase, do you need help— Woah..”

I come into the room and looked around. It had been decked out with streamers and confetti littering the floor. Along with everything else you’d see at a party.

It was just so amazing and incredible.

“Guys! You weren’t supposed to let her see yet.”

“Sorry, but she threatened me with food. And you know how important it is to me.” Adam replied and went to sit on the couch.

“Chase, what’s all this for?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise, but it’s for you. All of it is.”

“Even the cake?” I said pointed over to the cake that Adam and Leo were devouring.

“Yes, even the— Adam! Leo!”

“Hey, we deserve a reward after helping you out today.” Leo said, and they continued to eat the cake.

I shake my head with a laugh and noticed that Chase looked sorta down. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just… I wanted this to be surprise. And it’s all coming apart.”

“No, it’s not.” I said, and as I say that the streamers that were tapped to the sleeping capsules started to lose its stick and the ‘happy birthday’ banner had fell to the floor.

“See?”

“Chase. It’s okay. It doesn’t matter, how many streamers fall or if my cake is half eaten.” I started as I took his face in my hands and looked him in the eyes. “It’s the thought that counts and this was very thoughtful of you. Thank you so much.”

I reassured him and he began to smile a little and it made me smile seeing him do it. I let my hands drop and he took my head in his hands and placed a kiss to my forehead.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. Let’s enjoy it while we can shall we?” He held his arm out, and I looped my arm around his.

“We shall.”

[idontbeatgames]

For the last several weeks, I've gotten to witness what may be the most positive thing I've ever seen the DC fandom do. 

To not let Blue Beetle become forgotten or ignored, a group of Twitter users got together and unironically formed what is now known as "The Blue Beetle Battalion". If you didn't know about this the "Blue Beetle Battalion" grew to become a genuinely positive group of folks who had one intention: to positively promote Blue Beetle as much as possible because Warner Bros/DC Studios couldn't do so. 

To most people's shock, that group grew to become a massive amount of people across Twitter to the point where even the cast of Blue Beetle became aware of its existence and started to push the #BlueBeetleBattalion hashtag to higher levels than we ever thought it'd reach. We'd spam gifs, tell people why they should support it, push all the positive stories surrounding Blue Beetle and even hype up all of the new posters that would drop. The best part is that along the way, a lot of people grew to become friends or at least aware of each other's existence and social media profiles as we'd joke around as we continued to push Blue Beetle across social media. At most, it was gonna be a funny joke to look back on where we'd all think "Man it sucks it didn't work out but at least we tried" but here we are today, having our efforts and love for Blue Beetle, Xolo Mariduena and the cast of Blue Beetle vindicated.

At the time of this post, Blue Beetle has gone against all the odds and currently sits at an 85% on Rotten Tomatoes! The highest DC film score since The Batman, can you believe it!?

As I said in so many of my other Blue Beetle posts, please support this film. Please go out and watch Blue Beetle with your friends and family. As the first live-action Latino superhero film, the representation that it's bringing is such a warm welcome and no matter what people say, we need more superhero projects that represent massive cultures to have amazing lighthearted success stories now more than ever. Let Blue Beetle be the beginning of this amazing trend of these incredibly important films overcoming all of the odds no matter how many people choose to immediately write it off. 

Blue Beetle releases Aug 18 in theaters across the world y'all

[codacheetah]

Hey, so, the dagger conversation, right?

You know the one. You loop with tears 20+ times, Loop goes "haha tears so annoying right!" and then you pester Loop about being able to kill yourself with your dagger until. They get possessed.

Yeah, so, uh. Loop getting possessed. Why is that? What takes hold of them in this moment, and why is it now that Loop defying Siffrin is met with such severe pushback?

I think Siffrin accidentally bound Loop with a wish, in which they were forced to give Siffrin "permission" to use the dagger in order to fulfill the wish's conditions. (Explanation under cut.)

So. Wishes. What do we know about them? Well, we know that Wish Craft requires a combination of ritual and intent to perform. You must have a strong desire, and for this desire to reach the Universe, you have to perform some kind of action that opens the line of communication. We... don't know, fully, what rituals exist, but we do know that a significant part of Wish Craft rituals is repetition of certain numbers, one of which being three.

Now let's consider the dagger conversation. Loop asks Siffrin if they're annoyed yet, having to find a Tear every time they want to loop, before saying there's no faster way. You then have the option of agreeing, or mentioning your dagger. If you keep pushing, Loop gets angry and tells Siffrin that they don't want him to use the dagger. Something important to note about the following text choices is that, up until the third time you insist on using your dagger, you have the option to back out.

And then the third time. Loop gets angry at Siffrin for pushing the issue, and Siffrin replies "And who are you to tell me what to do?!" Loop tries to say something, before...

Loop gets possessed. Siffrin repeats his intent to do something (in this case, use his dagger to kill himself) three times, and Loop, on the third instance, suddenly loses the ability to defy Siffrin on the matter.

Recall the "SAY ITS NAME" sequence with the King. Siffrin and the King attempt to say the Island's name, violating whatever wish has its hold on the Island, and suffer physical injuries (to the point of death!) for doing this. Loop tries to rebuke Siffrin, and they experience sudden pain. And then... they loop. We know, because of the twohats fight, that Loop has the capability to loop independently of Siffrin. I believe that's what happened here, as well. They then are possessed, giving Siffrin "permission" to use the dagger, before looping once more.

It's just. I really don't know how to explain what happened to Loop without attributing it to Wish Craft.

Universe stuff indeed.

There is, of course, the question of "hey if Wish Craft can just Do That then isn't it likely that you could just force people to do whatever you want?!"

Well. I don't think that's likely. Remember Loop's role. They're here to help Siffrin. It's part of their own wish. And what constitutes helping Siffrin? Guiding them to keys, pointing out dead ends, giving you tutorials.

We know that combined wishes can have incredible levels of power. See: the timeloops.

It of course goes without saying that I sincerely doubt Siffrin would ever purposefully force Loop into this position, even at their worst. It's just not something he would do. We know Siffrin uses Wish Craft somewhat liberally and unconsciously, even within the loops, making a wish for strength/power/speed at the Change God statue, sharpening the KeyKnife. However, Wish Craft is... deeply caked in the general concept of "unintended consequences." I wouldn't put "violently taking over your mind and body" above the Universe.

TLDR; Siffrin holds the desire of "let me use my dagger" and accidentally Crafts it into a wish through the use of ritual (repetition 3 times). Loop is subject to "help" Siffrin, and through defying this role, they violate the conditions of Siffrin's wish. In response to Loop looping back to avoid physical injury/death, the Universe commands Loop's vessel to force the wish's conditions to be fulfilled in the most "direct" way possible.

[imsiriuslyreading]

here's the thing I've found about fanfiction...

representation is so important. like, obviously. i personally have seen myself represented in the most incredible ways I've never seen before, sometimes in an exceptionally niche way (aka, Mary from KYD being a queer Lebanese woman).

and i don't believe that you need to be from a race or culture to write about it well, i really don't. the same way i believe you don't have to have bipolar to write bipolar, etc. (again, i see rep in ways i never expected to, and that really means more to me than i can say)

but i do think there's such a thin line between appreciation vs appropriation.

if you're latching on to a point of diversity for the sake of it, without doing the necessary research or putting adequate care into the topic that you're including in your writing, then you are doing potentially irreparable damage. you're giving impressions and setting expectations that aren't accurate, aren't fair, and are in fact often, pretty offensive, ignorant and outdated.

i suppose what i'm saying is... please don't borrow my culture/ethnicity/mental health for clout. or anyone else's for that matter.

treat these features that make up our identities with the respect and care that they deserve, and if you can't, then leave it to people who can.

[alphajocklover]

Do you do G2S stories? Could you do one?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I need to you to stay with me on this because what I’m about to say is going to make you upset. You’re probably going to think I’m lecturing you, or kinkshaming you, but I swear there’s a point to this. The truth of the matter is, you can’t turn straight. There is no way for you to ‘become straight’. There is no program, no video, no activity that will change your sexuality. You could look all over the world and you wouldn’t find a way to make yourself straight. Why?

Because you already are straight.

You’re probably wondering what the fuck I’m taking about. You’re gay, aren’t you? I mean, you’re here, on this blog, on this part of this website, looking at pictures of half naked incredibly attractive men. How in the world could you be straight? Well it’s simple. You’re not who you think you are. You’ve forgotten your true self, your straight self. But don’t worry. I’m here to remind you.

Let’s start with your body. Whatever you think you look like now, I want you to forget it. That’s just an illusion, something that was fabricated to stop you from remembering the truth. I want you to stretch your arms and realize how muscular they are. How powerful they are. Huge biceps, manly forearms. These arms were made to grab, to hold, to control. These are the arms of a fucking man. Now look down to your chest. See how it juts out into the perfect pec shelf? How your wide shoulders and muscular neck make them look even bigger and better? How they’re so big they almost obscure your vision of your perfect washboard abs? They’re fucking amazing. Just like your arms. Just like your abs. Just like your tree trunk sized legs that are thick with muscle and strength. Everything about your body is fucking amazing.

Now onto your face. You’re hair, whatever it was, is really blond. A medium length, manly blond cut, just long enough for you to brush it away from your face to reveal your piercing blue eyes as you stare down your next conquest. Blue eyes framed perfectly on a chiseled, manly face that looks like it should be modeling or in an action movie.

Then of course there’s the most important part of you, you’re huge, throbbing, footlong cock. It’s thick, manly, and constantly hard. How did you ever think for one second that this cock ahould be wasted on a fag? You’re cock is meant to breed fucking pussy, meant to get bitches dripping wet and begging for more. You can’t wait to use it on a bitch and watch her mind melt with pleasure.

You can’t turn straight because you’re already straight. You’re the fucking straightest dude around. Your girlfriend can attest to that, or if not her, her thoroughly fucked and still dripping with your seed pussy will be able to soon enough. You’re a straight man, a jock, an alpha. Why would you ever think anything else?

**Hey everyone! My first foray into gay to straight fiction! I hope I did it justice. I know it’s a controversial kink but it’s one I’ve always personally loved. I hope I didn’t offend anyone and I hope you enjoy!**

[wilcze-kudly]

The Gaang being 'bad parents' didn't ruin their characters.

I've seen this argument tossed around a couple times and it's honestly one of my least favourite criticisms of lok.

Katara (and Sokka but we have no confirmed kids for him, which seems unrealistic with how much game he had) lost their mother as children and their father was forced to abandon them when they were barely starting their teens. They were raised by their grandmother with little to no peers of their own age.

Aang did not know his parents and a huge chunk of his childhood was him being groomed into taking up the mantle of the avatar and mastering airbending. He also was isolated from other kids his age. His closest parental figure was Gyatso who was more of a teacher than a father. Also the Air Nomads were literally wiped out so that adds to the trauma pile.

I really don't think i have to talk about Zuko's family life here, but at least he had relatively positive parental figures in the form of Ursa (though i do have a burning personal dislike of ursa) and Iroh. Despite this his struggle around the subject of his family and his trauma relating to his upbringing was a focal point of his character arc.

Toph was raised in isolation by her asshole abelist parents who did not listen to her, sent people to capture and bring her back and then disowned her. (If my cursory understanding of 'the rift' is correct, I need to actually read it because i am unreasonably obsessed with the Beifong family.)

Where, pray tell, were they supposed to learn proper parenting skills? On their brief stint as child soldiers? While fighting a war as literal children?

There is the argument that they must've matured later in their lives, of course. But you can only recover so much from copious amounts of childhood trauma.

Being a bad parent doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. Sure it makes you a failure in an incredibly delicate and important aspect of human life but it doesn't make you a bad person. And saying that it does takes a lot of nuance out of the conversation.

Like, do you know how easy it is to fuck up a child?

Especially that the ways the members of the Gaang 'fucked up' as parents feel mostly in character.

Bumi was going to face some struggles with self worth due to being the firstborn child of the Avatar and arguably one of the most powerful waterbenders in history, while being a nonbender himself. That much was unavoidable, no matter how his parents approached the issue.

And Aang was obviously going to be over the moon when Tenzin was born. Think about it. He's literally the last of his people. He has no one else 'like him'. No one else to pass down the traditions, the teachings that Gyatso and everyone else he cared about and who were horrifically murdered to. Aang is getting older and he feels like his culture and history and his entire life before he got trapped in that damned iceberg will die along with him. And then Tenzin is born and Tenzin can take up the mantle that had been thrust upon Aang.

I'm going to withhold my judgement on Izumi and Zuko, since we barely know anything about them. She seems well adjusted but that's all i can say right now. But Zuko has also been shown to be extremely, painfully aware of how fucked up his family is and has clearly been putting in a lot of work to unscrew what his ancestors have screwed up.

Toph situation feels very tragic to me,because it's obvious that she thought she thought she was doing better than her parents. She gave her daughters the freedom to do what they want, to not feel opressed and trapped like she had. How was she supposed to know that she was making her girls feel like she didn't love them? (Here's another post of mine about the Beifong family and how they just feel like they're cursed or something at this point.)

TLDR; I get annoyed by people saying that the Gaang being 'bad parents' ruined their characters, because to me it felt like it actually enhanced them.

Neither Aang nor Toph acted out of malice or a lack of love. On the contrary, Toph was trying not to repeat her parents mistakes, accidentally committing a bunch of her own. While Aang probably didn't even realise that he was neglecting Kya and Bumi.

But just loving your children doesn't always make you a good parent.

I think these flaws only add to them as characters. It makes them feel more real.

It's unrealistic and, frankly, just plain boring to go 'oh the Gaang were all good people so they would be good parents too.'

The Gaang were a gaggle of traumatised children forced into saving the world, because the adults around them failed them, that then grew into traumatised adults who have no idea how to be good parents.