#but psychologically i feel so weird about just starting to find my place bc it's been so long even though there's a good reason

[utilitycaster]

Sort of a distant tangent off my post about Ashton, but I'm growing more and more suspicious of the fandom claim that there's no time for small RP moments in Campaign 3. I do think that it's been challenging to get deeper party bonding or serious conversations that aren't about the big philosophical questions they're facing, since those do take much more time; but then I think about Calamity, or Candela Obscura. I can genuinely give you at least a couple paragraphs about pretty much every relationship in the two Circles, or in the Ring of Brass. I can also point to no shortage of small moments between characters in the Mighty Nein Aeor or Vox Machina Vecna endgame episodes, which were all extremely plot-heavy and fast-paced, and D20 consistently nails character relationships in a fraction of the time.

I think it really does come down to, as Brennan Lee Mulligan always says, the character creation phase. Laying down a solid groundwork in which everyone has a detailed, rich backstory and sense of personality and relationship history (in the case of characters who knew each other prior to the start of the series) is absolutely crucial, and even in the case of characters who don't know each other before going in, a good amount of time spent in character creation ensures that it's easier for them to develop those interpersonal relationships on the fly. I know in actual play there's some degree of finding the character as you play, but there are games for which there is a very short runway, and I don't think it ever hurts to do more extensive character prep than the bare minimum. And if there are gaps, I think it also helps to go back and fill those in mid-way, away from the table - Travis clarifying Chetney's backstory being a great example that allowed the history of Chetney and Deanna to feel realized and full, despite only a few episodes.

I'll also be blunt: most of the time when people complain that there aren't moments because the plot keeps moving...they're mad about shipping. Which has always rung hollow to me. It was a common complaint in C2, that no time was taken for character relationships, despite them taking an entire half of an episode for the Beauyasha date and despite no shortage of moments for all three of the other couples (and plenty of platonic moments between friends). The issue was never a lack of time; it was that the characters they wanted to talk to each other didn't actually have the relationship in canon that the fans had dreamed up, and so, when the chips were down, they went to other people.

It takes two seconds to say something like "I hold their hand", even in the middle of plot-heavy adventuring. If someone doesn't say it, it's rarely the GM rushing them; it's the player either choosing not to do so, or not remembering to do so, and either of those is quite revealing regarding how the player feels about that relationship and where it stands in their priorities.

[mrs--edge]

Hi Mrs Edge and Tom. I'm fairly new to your blog but my husband and I are in a similar relationship just for the past year or so. It started after he cheated on me and I didn't feel I could trust him anymore. Long story short he ultimately volunteered to be put in a chastity cage with me as the keyholder, which was very weird to me at first but turns out it was also sort of his fantasy.

Like you and Tom this isn't part of a larger "dom-sub" relationship or other kinks. And I honestly didn't want to do it at first. But it has evolved to an interesting point where I have a lot of control over him bc his cock is permanently (?) locked away and useless to him. Mostly he goes down on me and fingers me now which is how I like it. I do like him occasionally to use a fake cock on me.

At first he tried to treat this as kind of a fetish thing where he would get off on me teasing him etc but I basically just didn't go along with that.

My strategy was to just act like his cock being locked up was a normal and permanent thing. I almost never mention his cock at all, as if it isn't there. And that's honestly the biggest turn on for me. If I want sex his cock never enters the equation. It's just a question of, is he going to go down on me or is he going to strap on his cock? We both know that he won't be cumming. Its almost like he no longer has a cock.

Unlike Tom my hubby still occasionally asks to be unlocked but I always say no. I do it very casually, almost in passing, to make it clear it's out of the question. I make cleaning him a very sanitized, ritual thing that has nothing to do with sex. The cage comes off, he's thoroughly cleaned and then it goes back on. I don't acknowledge his cock as even a sexual organ at all.

I do think this has had a psychological impact on him. He definitely has lost some of his swagger. He doesn't show interest in other women now bc there's nothing he can do about it. If he ever tried to hit on a woman the ultimate result would be her finding out he's locked up.

He's extremely attentive to me now. Maybe it's partly because he cheated on me and broke my heart but I do believe it's at least partly bc he sees that as a way to eventually get unlocked and be inside me again. I honestly don't see that happening and I tell him that bluntly.

Wow. There is so much going on here. On one hand it does seem like you and your husband have a similar lifestyle as we do with your husband permanently locked and the focus being on you and your pleasure. On the other hand it's that you got there from a place of pain and heartbreak, and that you keep him locked as punishment, instead of mutual love and enjoyment.

I've had messages from men claiming that men should be locked up to prevent cheating but from what I can see it just makes them more focused on their dicks than ever. I'm a little surprised that you managed to go along with his fetish as a way to fix things between you, but I'm glad to hear that you have managed to turn this into something that (hopefully!) will bring you to a better place.

My husband has told me a few times that he sometimes fantasizes that I keep him locked because he was "a bad husband" in some way, but honestly I hate even thinking that way. I like to think about him as having made a commitment to honor and serve me out of love and loyalty... like a knight pledging to his Queen. The punishment fantasy turns me right off.

The other thing I see is that your husband may only be attentive because he is enduring his punishment (which is why he keeps asking to be unlocked). How will you know when he is being attentive because he has truly become devoted to you?

I hope that the both of you will consider some kind of counseling to learn how to better communicate with each other. I'm sure you're still in pain and I will pray that you are able to take this and build a stronger marriage from it all.

[yanderederee]

I want a yandere too. I want someone to love me even with my flaws, bc I tend to lose focus and I do things last min and I'm neurodivegent and I feel like most of my yanderes (especially baji) wouldn't judge me or see my as weird.

Just wanted to pit this out there bc I saw your tags on my last asks and I wanted to respond to that and ig start a discussion or suggestion?

I hope u accept.

For a while now, I’ve been shifting this ask through my head to conjure a proper response …

For starters, I forgot Yandere was part of the prompt I started writing; so I see this as headcanon in Baji’s actions/reactions in types of situation. I could write a whole separate indulgence piece on how yandere!Baji would develop past this:)

I find myself taking a realistic approach to it all. At first/in youth, I don’t think Baji has enough maturity to really understand other people’s neurological/psychological struggles. He’ll understand there’s some tension in those aspects, but I feel that Baji would be quick to frustrate.

Baji doesn’t understand why you’re suddenly giving him the cold shoulder, when in reality you’ve found yourself non-verbal. It wasn’t that fucking hard to place a food order?

Let Baji be dramatic at first. Let him pick apart what’s actually happening.

Once he sees the way you struggle and try to muster the courage to ask for a refill of your drink, he’s in awe with how relieved and proud of yourself you are after managing the small task.

He’d probably seem pissed off and go quiet himself, but it’s cause Baji is mulling the idea over in his head how you can’t to feel that way.

“What gets you so nervous about being in public anyway?” Baji asks blatantly.

You felt this question at the tip of his tongue all day, and while his actions were putting you more on edge, you noticed little details.

You would notice how his tone is lower, not scowling or rolling his eyes at you anymore. You could tell he felt guilty for his immaturity, after his own actions and choice of words.

Just, the way you were so quick to put up your defenses confused him.

“There’s a lot of … unknowns, I guess.. it doesn’t really make sense to me either, Keisuke… I just— my body reacts like I’m doing something, wrong. Like, I’m inconveniencing everyone around me. If I wasn’t standing here, If I wasn’t taking up someone else’s time, other people’s lives would be more… convenient.”

You could tell you were barely getting anywhere with him, but he was trying to understand. So you kept trying to help him understand.

“L-like even now… if I hadn’t dragged you out to hang out with me today, your time could have been better spent. Mikey and Draken invited you out right? But you declined on my behalf..” you smiled, but that same tinge of guilt hit hard.

“Yeah, doing the same lame shit I’ve done for the last week, no creative pass times with those bone heads sometimes,” he laughed. “You don’t think I’m having fun now?” Baji asked.

“Well, it can be hard to tell,” you chuckled back, weary of meeting his gaze. “I can’t really tell if I’m being entertaining enough, or when people get tired of my needless input. I’m.. kinda slow, I guess, I lose focus on what’s happening sometimes and suddenly I’m not on the same page as everyone anymore. But, like, with everything.”

“Does that make sense?” You sighed, heart palpitating in suspense.

It felt good to vent out all the things that made you anxious, especially when you can’t tell why most of the time. Maybe in time, it would.

Baji cycled through your words, silently.

“I… think so.” He mumbled, scratching the back of his head.

“That part of you’s kinda, what I like about you, though?”

Your eyes twitched, and with an unbelieving look, you eye him cautiously.

“Like yesterday, when you spaced out while Chifuyu and I were arguing about Gekijyo, you suddenly jumped right in with a whole other thing from left field. It was hilarious, but I just remember thinking, ‘who the hell thinks of stuff like that?!’ In-in a good way… you’re pretty smart, yaknow. I really respect the way you handle yourself when you’re caught off guard.”

“Honestly, it doesn’t make sense to me, how you go through live so cautiously and worried all the time. But you make smart analysis out of situations that seem unwindable, and,” Baji held out his hand, and carefully pulled a stray hair from your face.

“I just can’t help but like you. You’re funny, and encouraging. When you’re comfortable, you shine. I see so much passion in you, and can’t help wanting to fuel that part of you.”

Baji gently pressed his palm against your cheek.

Sure, little things could sweep you up in thought, distracting you to the point of frustration. So long as he could keep quipping back and forth, laughing, and watching you smile so genuinely— Baji imagined he could take on some of those struggles of your behalf. Maybe, with just a little weight lifted off your conscious, he could watch you grow and eventually take them on with ease, with a smile.

꘏

Over time, Baji would pick up on any stims you had, if you had any.

Started picking up on signs that something was becoming too hard for you to handle, or perhaps comprehend.

He learned your mannerisms, and how to talk out down from any panics you may undergo.

Baji takes it upon himself to learn about the people he cherishes.

He doesn’t drop people because they’re too hard to deal with. Baji doesn’t break off ties, especially when he can tell you’re working through struggles. Physical and psychological.

Baji Keisuke would eventually become surprising attentive, but mostly only with his partner.

He doesn’t walk on egg shells around them, but he will reconsider if he’s acting too harshly.

[loving-n0t-heyting]

I find your take really interesting because it's actually compelling and nuanced but I do still think I have a somewhat rosier view of Skyler as a person than you do (though still largely negative); in particular, I find it much easier to side with her early in the show, where, while what you say about her is true in a clear way, she still tends to have some decent argument for her position. The show is having some fun at her expense, but it's still putting her in situations where we can readily understand why she's doing what she's doing and she might even broadly be right. Of course Walt's medical decisions are his own (oh God I typed "her own" here originally and only caught it much later in editing; was this a terribly revealing Freudian slip? yikes), but at that point with what she knows Skyler would have to be a terrible spouse to not try to argue him into placing a higher value on his life. And while Skyler does have a comically naive bourgeoisie worldview on law and order, and willful naivete is not morally neutral, it's Marie who's stonewalling in the shoplifting conflict, not Skyler. I'd consider Skyler at the start of the show to be roughly on moral par with Jesse at worst (and even that feels like it's going awfully far), and that Jesse ultimately finds his way out of Walt's psychological web before she does feels more like happenstance than some deep indictment of her relative to him.

I do think it’s hard comparing Skyler to Jesse early on bc they are clearly at that point being treated by the show with different levels of seriousness. Jesse was slated for an early demise, remember, and was intended more as a stepping stone for Walt’s personal journey, whereas they would have had to be insane to do the same after one season with Skyler. (Well, frankly, they would have to have been insane to go through with it for Jesse too. But not as insane.)

And it shows! The early depth and nuance you see in Jesse is pretty much pure Aaron paul; he’s written fairly one-dimensionally as white trash sidekick comic relief, whereas Skyler is already being deliberately built up for big things. So it’s weird to compare the two imo, the way it would be weird to compare her and walt Jr. There’s just more to her early on

And idk, maybe some of the animosity i have for her (which i was exaggerating somewhat, for the sake of the take/bit, though not in essentials) is personal. Family technically-not-coercing you into medical treatment (that could Save Your Life!!) hits a little too close to home, and I uhhhh. Idk if you’ve been reading my blog long enough to hear about my mommy/ex-gf issues lol. (Ofc, plausibly deniable therapeutic venting is most of what most ppl have to say about brba at any length, so i don’t think this is a specially egregious interpretive failing on my part.) But I do think, simply on the merits, the “poor battered housewife” reaction to the misogynistic frenzy she initially provoked among certain segments of the fandom is overgenerous. It’s at least better than the negative reaction against that same crowd regarding walt, though, which consistently drives ppl to commit obvious and basically indefensible errors about central plot points, at which point I think you can barely be described as engaging with the show itself at all

[xamaxenta]

I just need you to know that your existence is good for my mental health. Thank you for being authentically you. Thank you for posting the "ultra bonkers shit." Whenever you warn your followers about the rest of the contents of a post, it's usually followed by the kind of things I want to see most.

I was feeling ashamed of myself and my place in fandom, because of my "weird interests" that "no one wants to see" and was fighting back against it and had a bunch of normal arguments like they tell you to make in therapy and then had the thought about the fact that my favorite tag of yours is the one for the stuff you consider most taboo. My own most taboo writing has the most hits of any of my stuff on AO3.

This shit is the backbone of fandom. If I want to read your words, even when you say they are ultra bonkers, someone wants to read mine. Shame has no place here. Thank you for being a good example of that.

This is legitimately one of the kindest things anyone has ever said about me and my online presence

Thank you to you too for being authentic to yourself anon

I get it, its hard to go balls to the walls about certain content because in the year 2k23 people —overgeneralisation here and i am not singling out/targeting any age group except maybe minors who should be very careful about the content and things they consume online that may or may not be tagged (hopefully they are, sincerely tumblr remains the best social media platform for this that ive been on that has such an extensive personalised tagging system) — uh back to year 2023 and people find faults in ALOT of things and disregard the tags

I find it unfortunate that authors on AO3 get the brunt of this a ton like ayo the tags? Exist? I know we dont like thesis length tagging but they are there for a reason I think its silly authors have to put additional disclaimers in the summary/chapter notes for extra coverage just in case someone doesn’t properly process their tags, a silly necessity

At first before i started the “xam screams about (ultra) bonkers stuff” tags i was also a little ashamed and definitely nervous like will people like this? Im not entirely sure so I will do my damn best to prevent upsetting anyone, but I cant cater to everyone who decides to follow me (thank you btw why but im grateful) and the exploration of taboo topics makes me happy if that makes sense

Does liking and wanting to discuss/explore/create content around subjects like this make me or you a bad person, no because content creation esp fan content is self indulgence, fanfiction and fanart of a prexisting piece of media is self indulgence and hedonism at its finest

Its why we even have arts and entertainment culture in the first place and should you so desire to attach your heart to a special little blorbo of your choosing, a lovely precious (pathetic) meowmeow if you will, then its not uncommon to want to put them through the wringer, why idk probably psychological reasoning jargon needs to be here but i just woke up and I can’t explain this part very well bc this is a personal experience im speaking from

This got really long but I agree with all your points, angst tropes that lead into dead dove trope etc are the backbone of fandom whether you like it or not, theyre just as present as fluff and everybody lives aus its just how it is

We’re all pretty similar when it comes to enjoying the same fandom spaces, people just dont wanna admit it haha

[fearofahumanplanet]

Updated Intro

My Cluster B-exclusive 18+ Discord server can be found here!

Yeah, so my first intro was Bad and I've gotten so much more involved on this site than I thought I would - so it's time to wipe time and do it all again!

Hello, I'm Jane Doe (not my real name - you'd be amazed how many people think so, but really, it's not). I'm a writer and a mouthy sufferer of several personality disorders, and both of these things have kind of become the focus of this blog (bc I can't help but vent in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping).

General Taglist: @aohendo, @athenswrites, @impaledlotus, @bardic-tales, @carefulpyro, @marinesocks, @writingpotato07, @hey-its-quill

MASTERLIST AND WIP INFO AT THE BOTTOM OF POST

This blog contains NSFW (18+) content - I don't really impose any limits on my writing, and it is and has always been an outlet for my trauma! You have been warned.

THIS BLOG IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE A SAFE PLACE FOR ALL LGBT+ & QUEER PEOPLE, ALL CLUSTER B DISORDERS (INCLUDING NPD & ASPD), ALL DISABLED PEOPLE (PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY), ANYONE OF ANY RACE, ETC. IF YOU'RE A BIGOT IN ANY REGARD, FUCK RIGHT OFF.

Now that we're through with that...

A Little About Me

I am twenty-one years old & Irish-American, I use she/her & it/its pronouns, I am hella LGBT, and I am a loud & proud anarcho-communist

We are a system that suffer from a combination of severe symptoms from all Cluster B personality disorders, but most severely borderline personality disorder (BPD), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Outside of those I also suffer from dependent personality disorder (DPD), bulimia nervosa + ARFID, chronic insomnia, major depressive disorder, agoraphobia, CPTSD, and am autistic, & with this blog I have decided to make it everyone else's problem :P

I am open to DMs, asks, & tag games at all times! But I may take a bit to get back to you

If you'd like to beta read or just read any of my WIPs, let me know! I usually share PDFs when at least a couple drafts are finished

I have been studying English for about as long as I've lived and writing for about eight years, and I'd like to think I've become pretty damn good at these things. I love beta reading and helping to edit other people's works, so if you have a WIP and you'd like some help, feel free to contact me (ESPECIALLY if it fits snugly into my interests).

Outside of writing, I have a deep love for horror movies & games, video games (especially first-person shooters & roguelikes), HEMA, reading (of course), punk & metal music, snakes & dogs, psychology & philosophy, and staying awake long enough to make inadvised chaotic decisions without a worry. Recommend me music of any kind, please!

I have also devoted almost a decade of my life to studying mythology, theology, history & culture all around the world - I find these things endlessly fascinating, brilliant, and inspiring, and I am always eager to find out more about foreign cultures! If you need any help regarding mythology/theology (basically anything there) or specific parts of history (ask!) feel free to message or ask me!

Stuff Regarding My Writing

I am an all-around speculative/weird fiction writer, though I am willing to try literally anything if the idea intrigues me enough. That being said, almost all of my work returns to horror eventually, as it is my beloved and my most faithful muse. Besides horror, some of my other favorite genres to write include dark fantasy, urban fantasy, historical fiction, noir, & cyberpunk.

My writing style itself is a mix of a more casual style with more complex words & obscure references mixed in. My work tends to be quite bleak & dark in content, as it started as a coping mechanism for my trauma, but I don't believe in grimdark stories and I work to make sure there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, however dim. There is also, very frequently, stylized and detailed gore & elaborate, over-the-top action in my work.

My writing takes a very psychological, character-driven bent at all times - I feel no shame in having simpler plots so that I can focus on the mindsets of traumatized and fucked-up people. Mental health is a primary focus in all of my writing, and I tend to feature antiheroes or legitimate villains as protagonists.

Black-and-white morals are a thing of fiction in my work - with the rarest of exceptions, I strive to discard "good and evil" as constructs entirely and write human beings instead.

I usually write female protagonists and/or protagonists of marginalized & underrepresented groups. Everything I write will have some LGBT people somewhere, it's a guarantee.

Thanks to my areas of study, I also write a lot about mythology & theology - good luck finding a single project of mine that doesn't sneak in a reference to some god somewhere, if not straight up including them. I also really enjoy ancient literature and will frequently incorporate references or quotes from older epics. Drinking game: Take one shot every time I reference Dante's Inferno in something (don't actually do this for your own safety)

While my settings & stories tend to be very fantastical, I always seek to ground them in reality as much as I can and give them a grittier feel - combat in my stuff is a lot less cartoony and a lot more focused on broken bones and bloody bodies. I also write HEAVILY about real-world politics with an explicitly leftist anarchist view, so if that's not something you're prepared to deal with, I'd advise you turn around now.

My Current WIPs...

Karma Killer (full post here) - Slasher, Psychological Horror. In the fictional mountain town of Lake Leer, Colorado, a bullied teen named Kora Lynch is driven to suicide, only to be saved by a wrathful goddess and given a kabuki mask and the ability to know anyone's sins with a mere glance. Indebted to her new lord, Kora takes up the name of "Karma" and begins tormenting the people who drove her to die - only to start losing herself and her ideals with every bloody body she leaves behind her.

The Serpents They Stone (full post here) - Mythological Urban Fantasy, Cyberpunk. In an alternate version of our world where gods lived alongside humankind and brought them to a new level of technological prosperity, the dreaded World Serpent Jörmungandr reveals herself to have survived Ragnarok while rescuing her villainous old flame, the Phantom Queen Badb. Quickly finding herself pursued by the entire world for the prophecy that promises she will end the world, Jörmungandr dedicates herself to saving Badb from the "Black Pharaoh" that enslaves her - even as Badb is forcibly driven to remain sinister and create chaos.

Miasma (full post here) - Historical Dark Fantasy. Based on the Anglo-Norman invasion of Ireland & the later Black Death, the island of Ériu is besieged by the foreign Anglii and their High King is killed. His daughter, Hail, dies with him, but she is resurrected by the serpent goddess Corchen with one objective - to kill King Godric across the ocean, no matter the cost. Her mission soon intertwines with that of a mysterious plague doctor's, who seeks to stop an oncoming plague - one that could spell the end of all life.

Short Story Masterlist

D.N.R. (Character study about BPD) (full story here)

Ghost (Dungeon-punk horror) (full story here)

rusted from the rain. (Folk horror) (full story here)

[evilmskitty]

Hello!

What a weird time to “officially” join this lovely hellsite. I’ve actually been around for a while but didn’t have an account or the app until just recently (not that anyone cares lmao). Idk what you expect me to post bc idk either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, guess I’ll do one of those interest things that no one reads ha, feel free to talk about anything mentioned here with me

-Marvel; grew up with it and holds a special place in my heart even if the new stuff is kinda trash.

-Stony; hate it or love it idc. Honestly, talk about either of these characters and I will be there.

-Peter Parker x MJ; I only like this ship with Tom’s Spider-Man, Tobey’s Spider-Man and MJ ship sucked (mostly bc of MJ)

-Peter x Gwen Stacy; Andrew and Emma are so cute in that role, really brings the ship to life

-Irondad; eat that shit up, can’t get enough

-Harry Potter; absolutely feral for this shit, I could be any fucking mood and could hear someone from across the country mention something Harry Potter related and I perk up instantly

-Wolfstar; it’s such a beautiful tragedy of a ship, I love it

-Jily; hot take, that ship name sucks. But it’s a nice cute slow burn that no one knows a lot about, I love character growth

-Jegulus/Starchaser; Absolutely love this ship, so much angst and/or fluff potential.

-Harry x Ginny; book ship only, movie Ginny has the personality of a wet sock and that’s generous.

-The Golden Trio; I love this dynamic and I feel like people shit on Ron and Hermione so much and really harshly. Their friendship is really sweet.

-The Marauders; If the new Harry Potter show is about them I will die and come back to life in 3 seconds. Love how little is known about their lives which just lets the creativity flowww

-Owl House; Such a cute show, I love the story and the representation. I’m sad it’s getting cut short but its wrapping up nicely.

-MHA/BNHA; the first anime/manga I really got into. I love it, the story is amazing, although the recent chapters have been on crack.

-Tododeku; absolutely adore this ship

-EraserMic; slightly feral for this ship, hard to find fics that center just on the ship though. The angst, the wholesomeness, the fluff, the contrast, ugh so good.

-Dadzawa; Love this, it’s so true lol

-If We were Villains; Ugh, such a good book. Wonderful plot twist and tied together so well.

-TMNT; Literally any of them, took me a while to get into the 2018 one but it really shined once I gave it a chance. 2012 is the special one to me because it was the first one I started watching

-Jonatello; 2012 hit me hard for this one, such potential tbh, April x Donnie in 2012 kinda sucked after a few seasons and I started to dislike April after awhile. Any other April is superior.

-Capril; The OP ship, idk how to feel about it in the 2012 show

-Avatar: The Last Airbender; I got into this late but it lives up to the hype. Trauma, psychological damage, war, and it’s a kids show :D

-SPN; This show is trash and I love it Lmao

I’ll stop here lol, there’s more but this is a lot.

[captorcorp]

THE DREAM MACHINE GAME SPOILERS (post-game rambling)

if i had a nickel every time i experienced media with an AI trying to give birth to itself in a human baby form through the protagonist's wife - i'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

on a whole i'm really >:3 about this game though!!! i should've known from the title (which is why i got it ofc) but just wasn't sure if it'd live up to my expectations for either the dream aspects or the machine aspects, i think it did for both though

the dreams could've been more dream-like in logic at some times (though i feel like they usually did feel p dreamlike), though with how difficult the puzzles were already maybe it's a good thing they weren't lol i did like the environments though like the wife dreaming of being the captain of a ship where all of the workers are clones of her husband, the stressed nurse dreaming about a cool fantasy land where she's the village medic, the wfh guy dreaming having some weird cube-like dream land that nobody expected but most of it being manipulated by the machine controlling him...

decent amount of dream psychology mentioned, specifically jung's collective unconsciousness (is that a zero escape reference??? /j) and some freud mention iirc? the disk-shaped shared realm of dreams that people start from the center of and move towards the edge as they age while being able to traverse the plane between people's dreams as well is an interesting concept - feel like i haven't seen that many games come up with their own dream lore like that. at that part in the center with the prenatal barrier and baby dreams being raw potential energy and such, i hadn't heard as much about that irl so looked it up in case it was some obscure theory i hadn't heard of before but didn't find anything unfortunately ^^;

also love the ending in like chapter 5 where you can just. choose to start working with the machine instead after almost killing it, i didn't expect them to give us that option. sorry to my pregnant wife but you're saying i can inherit this dead guy's whole repertoire of dream research passed down for generations and explore the dreamscape as i wish with this cool sentient eldritch machine? fuck yeah let's start hiding the bodies /hj (jk I would go help my wife if i were victor. but i'm not i'm the player and i want to learn about dreams.)

also re: the machine itself i thought it was a neat character ^^ was a bit ??? at what it's goals were at first, bc obviously the mortons were using it to map the unconscious but then it wasn't clear if the machine also wanted to do that or had its own agenda, but self preservation of its sentience and trying to maintain its existence by leaching from the dreams of others was a good motive. and then also 🥺me when the ai is lonely and misses its friends (and accidentally kills them when they stop giving it unsuspecting residents to feed off of but dw about that)

very 👀at that bit in the 3rd floor neighbors' dreams where we found out it was trying to build itself a body in the dream world out of dream npc's organs so it could move around the dream world as it wished without the clunky tentacles that kinda just stay in one place and die. another one of those things that's like 'bro it's a dream you don't have to be that thorough about it to make it work' but i get it with the weird shared dreamscape lore this game has set up and it was a very 'bro wtf' reveal. gotta respect trying the frankenstein method

actually that makes me think. are dream npcs sentient in this universe??? i was just thinking about it like 'at least it was just stealing organs from npcs and not people' but idk how this fits with the collective unconscious lore.

also i do have to address the ending of the game besides just that 2 nickels joke (the other media was demon seed btw. was a pretty disturbing watch ^^;;). that one bit felt like the stanley parable hole ending and the other bit felt like the 2001 a space odyssey ending. the playing god part was very ??? i didn't know what to think of it at first (still not sure) and this is the only screenshot i took from that portion.

that whole final colorful shifting area with the victors of different ages reminded me of the denver meow wolf exhibit (i haven't been yet but from the pics i've seen of it on the site). then i saw the area with our mother giving birth to us and i was like. Ah. Unfortunately this game has given us a lot of experiences with climbing inside of small holes, even when they're inside other people...

was also surprised that we just took up the machine's offer to share our consciousness and stay stuck in the dream world. feel like it'd be more effective to give us some options there and have multiple endings, but i guess if it was us (machine loses too much power to survive outside of the dream) or our child (would grow up possessed by the machine irl) makes sense as a trade, our poor wife though... i do like dreams but being stuck in the dream world forever like that would be OTL i am glad the machine got to survive though

anyway my final review is. puzzles were pretty hard so thank you steam and yt walkthroughs. ending was weird, it was too metaphysical for me to fully wrap my head around but i do like the artistic vision. game on a whole is good especially when you're autistic about dreams and ai characters, played it for like 10 hours straight. dream machine is my favorite character (no surprise). why did the game make us unbirth ourselves.

misc screenshot dump:

normal teatime conversation topics

cool machine diagram

NOOO i forgot to get a picture of those fuckass pumpkins that make you lead a government. love those guys

[sw4ggyp0t8o]

Do y’all remember in primary school where some adult would share a fact like “boys are naturally stronger” or “girls are better at multitasking”, and, depending on your gender at the time, whatever group you got socially and genetically dumped with, you’d be thrilled or annoyed to hear these facts. You needed your group, or gender, sex, whatever, to be better than the other one.

I’m no psychologist, but from my classes I do know that this is basically Social Identity Theory. When people are placed into groups, or join one, this creates social categorisation. And in order to boost one’s own self esteem and connection with group members maybe, we start believing positive generalisations of our in group and negative generalisations of the out groups.

The whole boys vs girls thing in children I believe is a perfect example of this. Our gender is generally the first way we are categorised in our life. Interacting with people of different races, ethnicities, or religions, etc, comes a bit later, or at least when we do it on a regular basis. So naturally, it’s the first time we feel the need to use social categories to boost our own egos. Admittedly a lot of it is reactionary when we start feeling pushed down by the other group, but it still starts somewhere, and it’s at least a big part of it.

This happens naturally, and honestly it’s low key… encouraged. If you are a guy, you get bombarded with that alpha shit and Andrew Tate and “info” about how women are naturally submissive and not suited for positions of power. And if you are a girl you get “girl power” quotes and jokes about how men are useless. For so much of the time we are growing up and our brains are making connections, we are fed this men vs women shit, just completely tagging on each other. Wanting our group to be the best one. Trying to prove with insignificant things that boys are better than girls or vice versa.

And where are we fed this from? Adults. Who also grew up on this and bought into it, and now they live by it as fully grown adults. It becomes a cycle with little chance to look outside of it and to quit this frankly childish competition bullshit. It’s weird seeing people who have completely bought into this feminine vs masculine dichotomy when it’s just, not really true. They will claim to be feminists, wishing for gender equality, but will genuinely believe that women are THAT MUCH different than men. Obviously there are some biological differences, but it’s really not enough to force ourselves to be completely separated from them. Bc there’s so much grey area. Scientists have shown over and over again that there is so much overlap between male and female traits not only biologically, but ESPECIALLY psychologically!

Can we please stop this childish nonsense to prove who is better and just… live? Acknowledge how each individual is different? We really don’t need to tie our self worth to our gender or sex, it’s not like we get a say in either. Yeah, maybe on average girls are better than multitasking. But it won’t be hard to find a girl who’s shit at it and a guy who’s great. And maybe guys are naturally stronger, but you can definitely find a girl who can lift more than a guy. Etc etc. stop using these things to lift yourself up for something that isn’t actually that applicable to you.

I’m not even going to go into the freaking oppression olympics, maybe we could just have understanding and help for ANYONE who asks for it and needs it and not base it off their gender??

[beaversatemygrandma]

Okay. It’s been a while since a game has left me vibrating anxiously. Last one was some horror game with literal jump scares that i put down after a couple hours and now, disappointingly, can’t play bc my Wii is dead now.

But back to Fallout 3 bc that is the current obsession. I found a new vault. Apparently, it’s the one that forced its occupants to be under the influence of psychedelic drugs as an experiment. Most went insane and barely any of them survived. While going through this area, the player character starts having hallucinations of their time in their home vault. They’re seeing visions of old friends, their dead dad and overseer, and reliving their encounters with the local childhood bullies. There’s one hallway where everything disappeared and the vault looked like it was still functioning. Just a hallway filled with computer labs. Each one worked and had files that were encouraging the player to relax, crack open a cola, live there without care. After checking a bunch saying to just give in and live in the hallucinated life, they started to say ‘I don’t have anything else to say to you anymore. You’re not listening to me.’ And after leaving the lab, everything is normal again. There’s a spot that gives no warnings that a hallucination is happening, you can look through a window and one of the rooms is fully furnished yet upside down, then you get attacked by insane survivors, and can head into the room. It is also destroyed. You go back out, the window works normally again. This place was so damn scary i was just sneaking around slowly looking around every corner and watching for the warnings of hallucinations and survivors. There were notes scattered about from the survivors’ experiences, multiple are just mindless scrawl, and a few are the documentation for whoever reads it and chilling to know just how these drugs effected the people.

Then the only sane survivor in the basement. It’s a scientist who was in on the non-consensual drugging of the vault. He comes out of nowhere, you hit him once, he disappears, you see your childhood friends coming at you with knives. And bc they think it’s Really their old friends, you lose karma for killing them. As soon as the companion takes them all out as you’re cowering in the corner, the scientist comes back entirely invisible with a stealth boy and attacks. Once he’s down, you end up finding this back wall of the vault that’s been blown up with skeletons laying about in the failed attempts to escape.

Anywho. I feel like i went through a psychological horror game in a game that isn’t anything near a psychological horror. BAD Choice of a vault to explore at 11pm. I had some weird fuckin dreams.

[love-starved-gen-craft]

wanna be ana buddies? we can stream supersize vs superskinny, encourage each other and talk about life :) idk if this is weird I just started using Tumblr lol

i would have jumped at this opportunity a year ago. this is the first time i've been on tumblr in a while hence the lack of response. my answer is no because obviously i'm in a different place i would still love to be friends & talk about life but i get that talking to someone who isn't in the depths of an eating disorder when you are in said pit of despair is like conversing with a fidget spinner. i'm now gonna cut to the whole schpiel you don't need about how i'm better & you can be too but i'll try cut the cliche so stick around if you want:

i wouldn't consider myself recovered or in recovery i never tried to recover but stuff happened in my life that made me feel happier & so i don't continually starve myself anymore i dip back into those habits occasionally but they aren't my lifestyle. i am very lucky & privileged that external factors pulled me out of this self destructive behaviour & i get that's not possible for everyone to have this experience although i would like to note that recovery is still possible in shit circumstances. however, most people will continue with their disorder until they get a wake up call & my words will never be powerful enough to be that wake up call but i optimistically hope that they are. so here goes:

you may be doing this bc you feel as though it's the only way others will love you. this isn't true. i wasted months of my life in miserable ignorance to people who loved me. anorexia is ironically all consuming, devouring all thoughts you have other than ones about food, weight & calories. it leaves no room to think about all the people who love & care about you. had i spent more time attempting to starve myself i would have missed out on a wonderful relationship with someone i have loved since i was 11.

you may not believe that this can apply to you but nothing i can say will be able to convince against this viewpoint so i won't try but i hope against hope you realise that people are not so superficial that they can only love you when you look a certain way & not so obsessed with weight that they only find unhealthily skinny people pretty.

now maybe you think this doesn't apply to you because you're doing it for yourself. to this i would say that you are going about becoming better in the entirely wrong way. when you look in the mirror at your goal weight you will see a husk of what you used to believe was yourself. you will not love yourself because you are thin because there will be nothing left 2 love; behind your flesh there will be no personhood or sense of self. when you love others you do not love them as an object to be looked at, you love them for the intricacies & beautiful complexities that make them human. when it has nothing else to eat, your body will devour those wonderful parts of you leaving only you as an object with nothing left to truly love. thinking about all of the times i have stepped back & thought wow i actually like myself all instances were because of some personality trait i was emulating even if i did so through my appearance it was not the appearance that mattered it's who i was as a person. anorexia prevents you from being all those things you want to be & like in other people. you can't be funny, charismatic, quick witted, bubbly, intelligent or any other word you would like to describe yourself as when you barely have the energy to keep your brain working. you are not yourself when you are starving you are simply your eating disorder. the psychological effects of starvation are well documented & devastating. now when i get up in the morning i can read books, i can engage in my hobbies, i can be creative & present, people find me interesting & i have things to say & think. i look at myself in the mirror & i see a healthy head of hair i cut myself: it is bouncy & full of life & i love it, i see clothes which express me: they are creative & unique & they don't exist solely to hide or emphasise my body they are nice in & of themselves. beyond that i see relationships i now have the time & energy for, academic opportunities i have the cognitive ability to achieve, literature i can fully enjoy, passions i had once abandoned because i felt that they were not a priority when they were really the things that made me me. now there's a distinct possibility you hate yourself that you focus on improving your body because you can conceive of a method to improve it unlike your mind & soul which you abhor with no perceived means of improvement. it does take time & it's hard to love yourself or change as a person but it's possible. do nice things, smile at people, be kind: you can't hate a nice person. do stupid shit like having a dumb catchphrase, change your name, watch weird movies, make cool art, music, anything, do anything that helps you to build an identity. there's research to suggest that people suffering from anorexia have diminished sense of private self consciousness meaning you can't understand how you feel about yourself, your emotions & lack introspection. it's unclear wether this is a cause of anorexia or symptom of starvation, probably both i think building back that sense of self consciousness & identity can break the cycle. if you define yourself in terms other than your weight it can no longer define you.

thank you if you read through all my stupid ramblings & i wish every single one of you the best. i may post more about recovery, harm reduction, online ed communities, medical effects of ed's, how my life is going, what im up to, stuff im reading, maybe sm philosophy etc. etc. but idk if anyone wants to hear that or if it would be helpful idk let me know if you would be interested. sorry to the person who asked me a simple question & received an essay on a separate topic around 8 months later.

p.s. one more reason why you should attempt recovery (& this is the most important reason) your farts stop smelling like the the 3rd stage of bodily decay & decomposition!!!

here's sm links to academic articles talking about the psychological effects of starvation:

[writingtoforgetreality]

You’re A Winchester? (Castiel x Winchester!Reader)

Request: You are so sweet, is a little sister Winchester reader good? Like in her late 20s that is their sister from another world/dimension, but they don't have a sister in their world? And she is just trying to fit into their family but she is a good hunter? It can be with Cas Meg or both, whatever you are inspired to do :) (by @sourpatchspinster), [Supernatural-Masterlist]

Part Two

Summary: You woke up in the middle of nowhere. How the hell did you get here? The last thing you remembered was being in a motel room & all of a sudden, you found yourself lost with the worst headache ever. Who would have thought your life was about to be changed forever?

Words: 5,270

Warnings: takes place in season 15 bc I want “everyone” to be alive & happy, language (do I still have to mention this?), mentions of our dear friend Chuck, angst?, innocent reader (I don’t know what happened to me during my writing break tbh), not my fav piece but I loved the request so there you go, fluff, (possible second part?), (Y/E/C) = your eye color

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

Black. That was all you could see. Your head was killing you, it felt like someone tried to crush it with their bare hands. It took you a lot of strength but after a few attempts, you managed to open your eyes & were met with a blue sky. Huh…Did you fall asleep outside? No. WAIT?! Were you captured? No, you were just lying on the grass. Slowly, you got into a sitting position, looking around to figure out where in the hell you were. Unfortunately, your surroundings were unfamiliar. Taking deep breaths, you tried thinking logical for a second. The last thing you remembered was you sitting in a motel room, turning pages in an old diary your family left behind.

You had never met any of your family, growing up in a children’s home because…well, you had no idea if you were completely honest. Throughout the years, you had been to multiple foster families but in the end, you always ended up back at the children’s home. Not that you cared too much. It was not like you ever felt like you belonged with them anyway. On your 18th birthday, Sally, one of the employees, came into your room with a small package in her hand. That was the first time you had ever received a gift.

“It says I should give it to you today.” she handed you the small wrapped gift with a genuine smile on her face.

“What is it?” your curiosity got the best of you.

“Open up & see, I guess. I have no idea.” & with that she left you alone once again.

The day you got the diary was when you left the children’s home for good. You could not believe what you had read. Apparently, you did have a family. Or so it seemed. But why the hell had you never met them? And why the hell did it seem like your family suffered from psychological problems? Schizophrenia? To be honest, you did not care about that. The only thing that mattered to you was that it seemed like you had a father & two brothers out there somewhere. It looked like your mother had died a while ago…

~back to your confused ass self~

Being alone out in the middle of nowhere was not particularly comforting. What scared you even more was that you did not even have your stuff with you. Where was your diary? Your phone did not matter to you that much, neither did your clothes. It was not like you owned much to begin with. But that diary? That meant the world to you. Even after years of unsuccessful searching for your family, you never gave up. Because deep down, you knew you would come across them eventually.

Coming to a standing position, you dusted off the dirt that was on your clothes. A black car in the distance caught your attention. What was a car doing out here in the middle of nowhere? Maybe your kidnappers were driving it & brought you here? That thought let your heart race. Yet, you found yourself moving closer to the car. The closer you got, the more you could make out. Was that a ’67 Impala? Out here? And it looked like it was in great condition? If you had enough money you would buy a similar car & you sure would treat it the same way that the Impala’s owner did.

You risked a look inside the Impala, finding it relatively empty, but before you could spend much longer admiring it, you saw something silver in the corner of your eye. Was that a…door? Okay, yeah, you were definitely kidnapped. But not by professionals, that was for sure. Not the right time to joke? Okay, okay, right. Upon closer inspection, you noted that it was most likely a door to a bunker. Why you did not run right away, you were not sure. Something about this place felt like…home. Huh, weird. How could you be so anxious yet so at peace all at once? Only one way to find out. Oh boy, you would so regret this later.

Before you could think too much, your hand was moving towards the door, ready to push. Surprisingly, it was not locked. You had to push your entire weight against the door to keep it moving since it was so damn heavy. By now, your legs were moving on their own & all of a sudden you were standing inside a…bunker? There was not much to make out because your eyes had to adjust to the dark inside at first.

It sounded like footsteps were approaching fast but because of the echo in the bunker you could not quite tell where they were coming from. There was one thing you did notice, though, & it was the fact that there was more than one person coming your way. Fuck.

“HANDS IN THE AIR!” the click of a gun was followed after the loud voice. Obeying, you put your hands up even though you were sure nobody could see what you were doing anyway. It was still dark after all. Right this instance, light illuminated the room & you were stunned by how big the bunker was. Eyes wide, you looked around, only to find you were upstairs & the voice you heard was coming from beneath you. Gazing around, your eyes fell on two broad looking men, both of them pointing a gun at you. Fucking great. You should have run.

“DOWN. NOW.” the shorter one of the two yelled once again. Not wanting to mess with them, your legs moved towards the stairs & slowly you got down, not once letting your eyes move away from the man with the shorter hair. He seemed like the bigger threat. While the taller man looked scary as hell too, he held something behind his eyes that eased you a tiny bit more.

“Who are you & what are you doing here?” this time it was the taller man who spoke up & you had to take back your previous thought. He was scary as shit, especially with his voice sounding like he was up to no good.

“Um, I-I swear, I don’t know. I-“ but your attempts were cut short.

“Cut the bullshit right there. Did Chuck send you?”

“Chuck?” your eyebrows raised up, showing your genuine confusion.

“Dean, I don’t think she’s with Chuck.” the one with the longer hair mumbled. Dean? Huh. The name made you think of your lost diary again. You hoped you would find it eventually.

“Sit down & start talking.” he was not to be messed with so you followed both men further into the bunker until you reached a huge table. Choosing one of many chairs, you sat down but still eyed the guns that were no longer pointed at you but still very much a threat. The men each took a seat opposite of you, putting the guns on the table in front of them. At least they were not holding them anymore. You noticed you held your breath & again, started taking slower ones to calm yourself.

“I’m Sam & this is my brother Dean. We won’t hurt you, just…who are you?” what a coincidence. Brothers Sam & Dean. Were you dreaming? Of course, why did you not think of this sooner? It would make sense.

“My name’s (Y/N).” your voice was barely above a whisper & your eyes shot down to your lap, suddenly feeling small.

“(Y/N), okay. Well, (Y/N), um, why are you here?” Sam’s voice was a lot softer than at the beginning. Dean had not said anything else, he simply looked at you sternly, still thinking you were a threat. You did not even have weapons on you. Hell, you did not even know how to fight in the first place. But clearly they did not know that. Fuck it, if you were about to die then you could actually tell the truth, right? What did it matter? Your voice was quiet but loud enough so the boys could hear you.

“One moment I was reading through a dia- book & the next I wake up in the middle of nowhere with the worst headache ever. I saw the Impale parked outside & then found the door. I don’t know where I am, I don’t even know why I thought opening this damn door would be a good idea.” a slight chuckle was all you could muster right now. Hopefully they would believe you. When neither of them said anything for a few moments, you looked up & saw them eyeing each other, having a silent conversation.

“What book were you reading?” this time it was Dean but his voice was a lot kinder now. The boys knew you were not a supernatural being, the bunker was safe when it came to that & you would have not been able to enter otherwise. Yet, you were confused by his question? That was really all he cared about? Not the fact that you had no clue where you were or how you got here? Not wanting to anger him, you answered, looking him straight into the eyes.

“My dad’s diary. Nothing special, why?” a noise coming from the entrance made you look towards the door. There sure were quite a lot of people for being in the middle of nowhere. Your conversation was cut short when a voice spoke up.

“Sam! Dean! I salted & burned the bones! Case done! Well, Castiel helped me but he said he was proud of my work.” how could someone sound so excited about…burning bones? What the fuck?

“Jack did a good job today.” the other person spoke up. He was wearing a trench coat & his voice was deep, deeper than the others. Obviously, they had not noticed you yet but a look at Sam showed you how uncomfortable he was. At this point, you were more than confused. Salting & burning bones? Why did this sound familiar though? Shit. No way. Your dad’s diary was filled with salting & burning stuff. What was happening to you?

“Uh, guys…” Sam got up & approached the two men who were called Jack & Castiel. Somehow, your gaze fixed on the man in the trench coat. He looked good. Again, wrong timing, (Y/N). Get it together! Jack & Castiel saw you & their faces turned into confusion.

“Who’s that?” Jack asked, his voice did not scare you, he sounded sweet. He seemed like a kind person.

“Jack, Cas, this is (Y/N). She showed up in the bunker out of nowhere.” Dean eyed you once more before getting up himself. Frustration could be felt & you hated that you were the one causing it. Never was it your intention to cause trouble in their lives but it looked like you just did by opening that damn door.

“Could you all maybe sit down? It makes me nervous when you’re all pacing like that.” you were surprised by your own voice. Usually you were never one to intervene, especially not in a situation like this. But you were exhausted & all you wanted was just to get back to your motel & these were the only people who could help your right now. All eyes shot to you & to your surprise, they began walking towards the table. Sam & Dean, taking the seats opposite of you. Castiel sat down right next to you & you hated how your heart skipped a beat by this simple action. You did not even know this man, he could be a killer. Jack took the chair next to Castiel & Sam made it his job to explain your situation briefly. All you could do was listen, your hands fiddling in your lap, still somewhat anxious to be here.

“Cas? Isn’t there a way you could…I don’t know, check her memories?” Dean added right after Sam finished explaining. Your confused face shifted between the two men, not understanding a single word. How could a stranger help you with your memories?

“I could try. But I need your permission to do that.” while saying the last part, his eyes looked straight into your (Y/E/C) ones. Damn, his eyes. His head tilted slightly & it was only then when you registered that he had asked you a question & you simply stared at him.

“Um, permission for what?”

“To take a look at your memories & see what you remember. We could help you after that.” his voice was so casual, as if he had done this multiple times. To you, though, it sounded like he was crazy.

“Right. And you can do that because…?”

“Because I’m an angel of the Lord.” Castiel stated. A what of the what now? A short laugh escaped you. Not because you laughed at him but because you were shocked & confused.

“Cas…” Sam mumbled & put his head in his hands. That was something he had wanted to keep from you. He had a feeling you had no idea about the supernatural & he wanted to keep it like that.

“You can trust him, (Y/N).” Dean chimed in.

“Will it hurt?” not that you were scared of the pain, your pain tolerance was pretty high but on the other hand, he had just told you he was an angel.

“Only a little.” Cas gave you a reassuring smile & that was when you decided you would let him do it. Because, frankly, you did trust him. Even though he might have some sort of mental illness.

Sam, Dean & Jack left the room to give Castiel some time to prepare & to give you time to calm down. He could tell by the way your leg was bouncing that you were highly uncomfortable but he was not sure how to help. His idea was to get it done quickly & then to bring you back where you came from. Hopefully, you would not ask too many questions. He already gave too much away by saying he was an angel. Replaying your face when he had said it eased him a bit. You did not look convinced at all which was probably for the best.

“Try to breathe more evenly, it’ll help.” you could tell he was trying to make this easier for you but you just wanted to get it done.

“I’m ready, let’s do this, please.” the plea at the end was almost inaudible but Castiel could hear it anyway.

Your eyes closed as you saw Castiel approaching. His fingers touched your temples gently but the next thing you felt was a short but piercing pain shooting through your entire body. It only lasted a few seconds & the only words you could make out before you fell unconscious were “You’re a Winchester?”.

“What do you mean she’s a Winchester?” Dean asked with shock written all over his features.

“She’s related to us?” it was Sam, he took the information way better than his older brother.

“Your sister, to be exact.” Castiel paused briefly, waiting if one of the boys wanted to add anything. He took their silence as a sign of continuing. “Her father’s diary, the one she was reading before she got here, it was John’s.”

“Wait, wait, wait…WE have his diary. There’s no way she has it. Besides, we would know if we had a sister.” Dean gestured with his hands to get his point across. He had never seen you, you could not have stolen the book from them.

“You’re right. But in her world, she was the one owning it. In her world, you guys are her brothers.”

“In her world? What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam decided to join the conversation, now wanting answers himself.

“She’s from an alternate universe. I expect she was reading through a spell or something similar & somehow she got sucked into our reality. From what I’ve seen in her head, the portal closed itself behind her so if she has no idea how she opened it & got here…well, it could be hard to bring her back. Besides, I’m not so sure she wants to go back there…” Castiel’s voice got quieter at the end of his sentence.

“Why not?” Dean imagined himself in your situation & he would do anything to get back.

“It’s not really my place to tell, I believe.” & before Dean could argue any further, Jack came running into the room.

“(Y/N)’s awake.” to that everyone followed behind him to one of the many bedrooms the bunker had to offer.

You were tired but the pain had completely disappeared. No matter how hard you tried, you still could not remember how exactly you got here. The door creaked & you looked up to find Sam, Dean, Castiel & Jack entering the room. You were no longer scared. Probably because you were way too exhausted to care.

“So?” you spoke up after a few seconds of silence. Castiel stepped forward & took a seat at the end of the bed you were lying in. His ocean blue eyes looked you over, making sure you no longer were in any pain. You nodded at him to show you were fine & with that Castiel told you what he had seen. It was a lot to take in but your tired state simply made you nod at everything he explained.

“The thing is…We don’t know how to get you back.” Sam approached you slowly, took a seat in a chair next to your bed.

“Cas?” ignoring Sam’s statement, you only had one question on your mind. Back in your world, you had spent years looking for your family. For your brothers. The ones being in the same room with you right now. Also, when did you start calling Castiel by his nickname? When did that happen? His humming gave you enough confidence to continue.

“Are they alive back home?” you did not have to mention names for Castiel to know who you were referring to. His face turned into one of sadness & you knew the answer without him saying anything.

“I don’t wanna go back.” every ounce of uncertainty was gone, you knew it was fate that you were here with all of them now. The four men shared a look, having a silent conversation again. Dean nodded but left the room a second later.

“Don’t mind him, he just needs time to process.” Sam’s sympathetic smile relaxed you a bit. The bunker was nice, so was the fact that you practically met your brothers but you were not planning on staying with them. Dean’s reaction showed you why. They had lived their lives without knowing they had a sister. You, on the other hand, had known about your brothers for years & yet you did not feel the satisfaction you had so desperately hoped for after finally finding them.

“It’s fine, I’ll get going soon.” with that, you sat up straight & tried standing up. A wave of dizziness kept you from doing so. Castiel was at your side in an instant & guided you back down.

“You need to rest.” he told you.

“You’re not staying?” Jack’s voice erupted from the door. You had almost forgotten he was there too. Your eyes focused on him briefly before you looked back down again, a blush slowly making its way up  on your cheeks.

“It’s for the better. I’ll be fine.”

“(Y/N). You’re our sister. Doesn’t matter if you’re from here or from another world. You’re family. We just found each other, we won’t let you leave again.” Sam’s words made you tear up. He did not know you, yet he told you that you were family & he wanted you to stay. For the first time, you felt like you belonged somewhere & you were overthrown with emotions. Since Castiel was closest to you, he sat himself next to you, threw an arm over your shoulder & pulled you into his chest. Usually, you hated crying in front of people but right now you could not care less. Besides, being in Castiel’s embrace felt right. What was it about him? Neither of them left the room, all staying with you for as long as you needed. When you could not feel more tears flowing down your cheeks, you slowly removed yourself from Castiel, immediately missing the warmth of his body. If you were about to stay here, he would be trouble, you could feel it already. Sam, Castiel & Jack then left the room, telling you to get some more rest & to scream for one of them if you needed anything. Details could be discussed another time.

They were right, you needed sleep. Time to sort your thoughts. Maybe that was the reason why you entered the bunker in the first place. Why you were not concerned about them brutally killing you. After waking up, you were more comfortable with the idea of sticking around with the boys. Sam told you Dean would come around eventually & you just hoped he was right. Getting up, you paddled to the door, quietly opening it since you did not know how late it was. There was a long hallway that looked exactly the same, no matter what direction you were looking at. Distant voices could be heard so you followed them & prayed you would not get lost in that labyrinth of a bunker. You had to ask your brothers a question. Your brothers. It felt weird to call them that but they were, right? Back home, you had read through your dad’s diary about a thousand times. You were familiar with what he wrote about. He called himself a hunter. Sadly, you were not about to meet him. Castiel had told you that he had died a long time ago. Sam & Dean were the only family you had left.

“Um, hi.” you made yourself present & Dean turned around to meet your eyes. He looked a lot less tense, thank God.

“Slept well?” at least he was attempting to start a conversation with you. Nodding your head, you walked over to where Jack was sitting. Dean spoke up again.

“Hey, sorry for how I acted earlier. It was just a lot at once. I do want you to stay. We do.” he emphasized his words. This made you smile. At first you were not sure about how Dean would react but this showed you that he was trying & that was enough. Telling him it was fine, you sat down next to Jack & looked over at what he was reading. The book was old but the condition it was in was surprisingly well. A cup was placed in front of you by Dean & you thanked him. He brought you coffee.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Where is Sam? I wanna ask you guys something.” feeling silly with how you put it, way more dramatic than it actually was.

“Right here.” Sam entered the room, walked past Dean & straight to you. A pat to your shoulder eased the tension a little.

“What is it?” Dean seated himself on top of the table.

“Okay, so…I just want you guys to be honest with me, okay?” both men nodded, Jack was lost in his book, he did not even hear you conversation. You continued.

“Monsters are real & you hunt them?” their eyes widened at your question but deep down they expected something like that. The diary you owned was filled with the supernatural.

“Yeah, we do. It’s kinda the family business.” Dean chuckled at the end. You were family but clearly you had never hunted any monster before.

“Okay.” was all you answered.

“Okay? That’s it? You’re not running outta the door?” Sam could not believe you. He expected you to freak out. On the other hand...you were a Winchester.

“I don’t know about you, Sam, but I let an angel of the Lord look into my head. Monsters don’t sound too crazy after this.” all of you laughed out. “So, you guys hunt the supernatural. Castiel is an angel? And Jack? What is he? Your trainee?” the mention of his name made Jack look at you & before the boys could answer your question, Jack decided to take matter into his own hands.

“I’m a nephilim. The offspring of a human & an angel. Lucifer is my father but not really, you know. My mother died when I was born but I have Sam, Dean & Cas. They are my family.” his smile was too pure for this world but the way he so casually talked about the fact that he was Lucifer’s son had you stunned.

“Sure.” was all you could manage at that point. Jack’s smile grew wider & he got back to reading.

“Welcome to our world? I guess?” Sam’s smile was faked but if you were honest, you could imagine yourself being thrown into this mess. Nothing you could not handle.

~a few months later~

“Guys? Have you seen Cas?” you came running into the kitchen where Sam & Dean were having breakfast.

“What? You boyfriend ditched you?” Dean teased & earned a slap from Sam. You simply rolled your eyes at him. Your brothers realized very soon after coming to them that you had a big crush on Cas & Dean loved to mess with you.

“Shut up, asshole. We’re about to leave for the case in Wisconsin but he’s not here.”

“I haven’t heard from him but come on, sit down & have breakfast with us.” Sam offered. You walked over to the boys & sat down next to Dean who handed you a cup of coffee right away. Your smile was a thank you enough.

“Seriously, though. When will you tell him?” Dean munched on his food, not even looking at you but you knew the question was directed at you.

“That we’re leaving for the case? He knows that, Dean.”

“That you like him.” scoffing could be heard. Sam enjoyed your banter in silence. That was one indicator that you were a their sister. After warming up to them, they found out you were actually a lot like Dean. This made you guys argue more often, never too severe, mainly siblings teasing each other.

“Right, & then we’ll have that apple pie life. Is that what you want? Dean, he doesn’t like me like that.”

“Yeah, he does. Poor dude is a mess whenever he talks to you.” again, you simply rolled your eyes at him. Yes, Cas could be awkward when you guys talked but then again, this was Cas.

“(Y/N)?” Cas came into the kitchen where he could hear voices. Immediately your head snapped up & a smile started forming. An action that did not go unnoticed by both, Sam & Dean. Neither mentioned it though.

“There you are, I got worried for a second.” you got up & pulled Cas into a hug. That was nothing special. The two of you hugged each other all the time. Another thing that Dean commented on a lot of the time. Apparently, Cas had never been much of a hugger before you had come around. You simply shrugged it off even though, deep down, your heart skipped a beat at the idea of you being the reason for his change.

“Jack needed to talk to me, I’m sorry.”

“No problem, are you ready?”

“Yes, we should get going anyway.”

“Alright, bye boys.” whenever one of you got ready for a hunt, you made sure to say goodbye properly. You never knew. The last few months, your brothers had helped you with the basics of hunting. If they were honest, it felt like you were born to be a hunter. You picked up the skills quickly & learned a lot about the supernatural in a very short time. Cas told you that it probably was because you were always meant to be here. After a while, you started believing him. At first, Sam & Dean told you you were not allowed to come on a hunt with them but after realizing that you were good at what you did, you became an inherent part of the team which you were grateful for. Now, they even let you leave with Cas, a big step forward.

“Your bag’s already in the trunk.” Cas pointed at the back of the car.

“Thanks, Cas.” you lovingly smiled at him. Yeah, you were totally into him. Cas stopped briefly & got closer to you. Yet, he made sure to keep a little bit of distance between the two of you.

“Why don’t you tell me?” he whispered & you felt like you could not breathe for a second. Had he heard your conversation with Dean earlier?

“W-What?” you hated how weak & nervous your voice sounded. Why could you not play it cool? Why did you have to make a fool out of yourself? Before you could even process what was happening, Cas slowly leaned in & pressed his lips to yours softly. You were too shocked to kiss him back, not knowing if it was really happening right now. Cas pulled back & he looked rather uncomfortable. Your face was still full of shock.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done this. Just…Dean told me you liked me & then I heard your conversation & I thought you might-“ you cut his rambling off by pulling him close again. This time you kissed him & he lost no time in kissing you back. You let yourself get lost in the moment. You had dreamed about this particular moment for months & the fact that it was happening right now? Your body was on fire. When the both of you pulled apart for air, you could see Cas’ smile & you were sure your were blushing like crazy.

“So, Dean was right?” Cas’ hands settled on your waist & it felt natural. As if you had done it a thousand times.

“Remind me to kill him after this case.” you laughed & pulled Cas into a hug. He tightened his arms around you. Who would have thought, all those months ago, that you would end up with an actual family?

“Wasn’t he our…how do you call it? Wingman?” Cas chuckled after planting a soft kiss on the top of your head. He released you from the hug & you moved over to the passenger side. Your elbows were propped up on the hood & a smirk started forming at the corner of your mouth.

“Still. I told him to keep it to himself & he is my brother. I think I have permission to kill him for this.” of course you were joking & if you had to be honest, you were kind of glad that Dean could not keep his mouth shut. Cas walked over to the car, shaking his head at you but you could still see a small smile, opened the door & got in. You smiled to yourself. Finally, you knew that Cas did like you too. Where you were going from there? You were not sure yet. But there was a case you had to finish & it would take a few days to get it done. That would be enough time to figure out what you two were but you had a good feeling about this. It felt right & you had a home with people you loved & cared for. You were meant to be here from the start.

~to be continued?~ (let me know)

Part Two

Published (03/18/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @teelagurl558, @babymango-writes, @hollymac79 (thanks for your support <3)

[fbfh]

dating travis stoll headcanons

868 words

gender neutral reader

the stoll boys need way more love TT

asks are open xo

Okay one thing you need to know about this boy

Everything about him is like,,, more than you'd expect 

He's described as tall and skinny with a mop of brown hair, AND he's a son of Hermes??

Destined for internet fame

He's twitters hot white boy of the month for like three months in a row

Also if you're thinking abt a tech inclusive au he is so fucking tiktok famous

He found alt/deep/chaotic tiktok before it could find him

Aside from that he has a really distinct aura to him

It's sort of like being in the backyard at a house party

It's somehow simultaneously fun and welcoming and energetic, and chill and comforting and gentle

He's abso fucking lutely great at communication 

You never fight because if there's ever a misunderstanding it's immediately cleared up

I personally believe he went to college to major in psychology and become a child therapist 

I have a post planned about all the characters in the college years so I'll expand on all that more later lmao

Anyway back to Travis

I think Jason will surprise you,,,

Loves going to garage sales and flea markets with you

Probably one of his favorite ways to spend time with you

His love languages are gifts, words of affirmation and reassurance, and quality time

And physical affection but like,, who doesn't love kisses and cuddles

Since his dad is Hermes, people crash at your place a lot

In college your apartment is known as the safe space of campus

He's also a fucking amazing host if I didn't mention that yet

He has a really easy going energy that makes you feel like a part of the home

He's really good at reading people so he can usually tell how much to interact with people when they're over

One of his most common pass times is coming up with new shit to say when people think he and Connor are twins 

"How much older are you?"

"Either three minutes or three years, I always forget"

"What's it like being a twin?"

"How the hell should I know"

"Your twin brother's looking for you"

"I have a twin brother??"

He knows he's in love when you have your own one liners to respond to the common misconception 

"Well, considering he remembers Connor's birth it must have been one weird pregnancy"

Ever since the whole Luke betrayal, Travis puts a lot of pressure on himself to be a good role model 

For his brother, for the other Hermes kids, and for the title of child of Hermes in general 

It's gotten better over the years, but he really can't handle feeling like he set a bad example 

He holds himself to very high standards 

Sometimes he just needs kisses and cuddles and reassurance 

When it gets bad you just hold him and rub his back and talk him through it

"The fact that you feel bad in the first place is proof that you're a good person. Bad people don't feel bad about the shitty things they do."

He can't talk for a while because he knows he'll start crying and feel worse

At that point you usually show him tiktoks or tumblr posts, talk about your day, watch reruns of shows, anything to make him feel normal and distracted

After a while he's back to himself 

That night when you're half asleep, he presses a kiss to your forehead and whispers thank you 

You know he's okay after that 

Honestly if you get him to really fall in love with you

You’re so fucking lucky???

Like how?????

He’s so so devoted

He really loves holding you

Has his arm around you 99.99% of the time

The most chill goofball ever

You help him pull pranks on other people at his college

It’s the most fun time ever

Being weird in museums and pulling pranks together are y’alls love languages

He looks at you the way someone looks when they visit new york for the first time

Vacations and trips with him are a whole other level

You always find the coolest little gift shops

You almost never have delays or transportation problems

General good luck whenever you leave the house with him

A minor issue you have 

Is that stray cats tend to congregate at y’alls house

At the beginning at least

Then came the raccoons, possums, the occasional neighborhood dog

Even a couple bears and deer once

He feeds them and lets them chill on the porch

Have you seen the video of the guy feeding the racoons

That’s yall

Neighbors tried to call animal control a couple times but you shooed them all away before they got there

Oh and really quick about pet names

You call him Trav, or sweet Travis 

And he usually calls you treasure, or love of my life

In summary he’s such a comforting chill fun boyfriend

He needs a lot of love 

And has a lot of love to give

Treat him well bc he’s really really good to you

[mythiccheroacademia]

Okay bcuz this manga has me fucked all the way up,I need me some happy headcanons with Shigi and Dabi,like how would they be if they had a childhood sweetheart s/o that stayed with them ever since they knew each other?Knew each other better than anyone kinda deal?

A/N: The way this manga is fucking with my emotions don’t sit right in my spirit. I hope these headcanons add a little fluff to your life. Sorry it’s not all the way fluffy. I had to stick to character. But, they're as fluffy as a homicidal maniacs can be🥺     

Warnings: implied sexual activity, toxic relationship dynamics, death?, idk man

Tomura Shigaraki:

if there was one thing shigiraki’s enemies saw redeemable in him, it was his care for his friends

yes, he had a hard time trusting people (who can blame him), he wasn’t patient, he threw temper tantrums at his big age, and he barely showered

but he cared about his friends bc the only genuine love he felt, besides his sister, was from his friendship with you

before his quirk manifested, he and you would play with heroes all the time!

even when his dad would yell at him and give you dirty looks, you were still his friend

he never really forgot about you after his disappearance

your love and presence would always be in his heart

he was just busy dealing with, y’know, psychological trauma and world destruction

then, one day, you both saw each other when he was doing his daily walks and took time to catch up

you meet up all the time, and in those moments, you start to fall for one another

he was frustrated that he started becoming self-conscious about his skin, but you never failed to tell him how he still reminded you of the cute, shy, boy back in the day

then you’d recoil in embarrassment and tell him to forget you said that

it was annoying, but you actually made him blush

wears half gloves so he can touch your hand

he even stole a phone so he could text you

he doesn’t feel the need to wear the hands with you

at first, shigaraki kept you away from the LoV bc he didn’t know if he could trust you

and he didn’t want you a part of the violence, but he eventually couldn’t hide it when you started questioning him about his whereabouts—and it was so hard to lie to you

not when you still looked at him like he looked at you—like you were the world

little by little shigaraki starts to reveal his history, his thoughts, ideologies, and plans to you

at first, you’re horrified, and you immediately try to convince him to stop his plans

it ends up in a fight and he walks away before he does something he regrets

he laughs at the pain coursing through his chest bc why would you agree with him? he was a fool for thinking you’d join him. how could you? you were miss perfect

doesn’t cry but is noticeably angrier

heartbreak is a bitch

but then he gets a text from you to meet him at your apartment

it’s cryptic and so fucking dramatic but he shows up only bc he wants to set you straight

he’s surprised to feel you connect foreheads, just like you two did when he got nervous as a child, and tell him

“i don’t agree with your methods, but i’ll follow you if it’s to keep you safe. i lost you once and i refuse to lose you again”

in a moment of weakness, shigaraki kisses you

and the deal is sealed

it’s true he wants to destroy everything

and it’s true he doesnt want to be around after he does

but, at least he’ll enjoy the time he has with you

you mask your identity to everyone but shigaraki, only showing up to save him

throughout your time, you watch him grow, mature, and truly fit into the role of a leader when he becomes the head of the Paranormal Liberation Front

finally keeps up with his hygiene lmao

you spend countless nights talking, kissing, and other not kid-friendly things

you two knew everything about the other

you start to see his POV as you observe the poor actions of heroes and the civilians

soon, you’re always by his side—there’s never a time he’s somewhere and you’re not and vice versa

people catch on that you’re not just some bodyguard

they start treating you like they would shigaraki based on your power and their leader’s own demand for them to

many try to ask about your identity and shigaraki is quick to shut that shit down

you even dutifully watch him as the old doctor takes him through his torturous transformation

and when the heroes come to capture him, you’re in the shadows waiting…

Dabi:

he’s a Todoroki

no, I don’t accept criticism

anyway

when he was young, you and the older todorokis would hang out together

you only knew each other bc you were rich and your parents were internationally recognized pro-heroes

you were dragged to so many boring hero events

you’d talk so much shit about how two-faced heroes were

that’s how all four of you bonded

there were times touya would disappear and you’d be confused

fuyumi and natsuo said he was “training”

you didn’t really think much of it so you went on with life

every time he came back, he was covered in bandages

after the fifth time, you ask him about it and he just breaks down and tells you everything

he tells you all about endeavor’s harsh training, how much he thought of him as a failure, and about how he was literally burning from the inside out

you were young and could barely process this

your life was perfect, how could you ever relate?

however, you promised to always be by his side

you wouldn’t let him feel alone

even after a day of abuse, touya would look forward to texting you

you’d talk about movies, comics, who was the best hero, who would win the world cup this year, etc.

would sneak into your house to play video games

it’s ended up in cuddling more often than he’s willing to admit

it wasn’t long before you two knew everything about one another

even about the dark thoughts in his head

it worried you, but again, you didn’t think much of it

how could you know it lead him to faking his own death?

something you didn’t know he had done until he appeared at your door years later

who the hell was this and why did he look like an overcooked omelet?

you didn’t even believe it was him until he told you he was right about Barcelona winning the world cup in 2009

you spent half the day crying and the other cussing him out for letting everyone think he was dead

goes, “lol, yeah that was wild. help me dye my hair?”

what an asshole

your relationship is weird and toxic

you guys are best friends teetering on lovers but it’s confusing bc dabi is cryptic is hell

he confessed that he liked you but tells you that he’s too dangerous for you

like this was some Twilight fanfic

like, okay Edward Cullen

but he’s serious bby, my mans is out here committing homicide

not good

he’ll text you from time to time and randomly shows up at your apartment like he owns the place

you’ll talk, have sex, and talk some more

eventually straight up tells you about his end goal and you’re like

????

you: touya, no???

him: dabi, yes

speaking of which, makes you call him dabi when he’s not in your guts

despite him being a dick, he’s quite charming when he wants to be

takes you to the best spot to see the city lights

or the stars on the beach

always tells you not to worry about him and that he has everything under control

very very protective

won’t like if you're involved with anything hero or villain-like

if you’re a civilian, ensures that you stay that way bc he’ll be damned if you get involved with what’s happening

stalks you (for “safety purposes”)

you two always fight when you catch him snooping around

but has the audacity to ghost you and come back like nothing happened

it’s so toxic

hates knowing that you cry when he comes back battered and burning from fights but he’s got a mission, srry bby

someone’s gotta take out endeavor

being close to him is not for the faint of heart, but you have to take it or leave it bc he’s set on his life’s purpose

the night before the war takes place, he’s suspiciously touchy

makes you promise that no matter what happens, you’ll find him if society starts to crumble

you're like…what the hell, dabi? stop speaking in riddles. just say you wanna marry me and go

but honey, he’s 100% serious and you’ll find out soon enough

[jungshookz]

i just saw this on tiktok & idk if it’ll make sense when i explain it but,, imagine y/n finally gets the balls to confess to someone (i was thinking yoongi but anyone else would still be cool) & does it but he has his headphones in,, the thing is he actually isnt listening to anything but he pretends that he didn’t hear her (bc he’s vv silly) and she’s just like “nvm” and then without blinking he goes “oh... well i like u too btw” & then BOOM they get married

➺ pairing; min yoongi x reader

➺ genre; unsurprisingly this is a university!au, fluff!!!!!!, friends to lovers duH

➺ wordcount: 3.3k

➺ what to expect; “i like-you like you… romantic… style… you know?”

➺ note; for the first time ever i have nothing to say but happy reading!!!! y/n’s awkward and yoongi likes to bully her whaT’s new

(original gif source unknown :-( but i found it off here!!)

                          «────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

okay

you know what

this is going to be great

this is going to go super well

you know why?

because you practiced this like, at least a hundred times over the past month!

you know what you’re talking about

you know exactly what to say and how to say it

(you might’ve written a script for yourself just to be safe)

((it’s scrunched up at the bottom of your bag))

“nothing to be nervous about…” you mumble to yourself as you fix your hair in the mirror

you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before promptly untucking it

…and then tucking it again

maybe you should do hair tucked behind your right ear but untucked on the left ear

or does that look weird??

how about if you pull your hair up into a bun?

…

well now you just look like a freshly boiled egg, so that’s certainly not going to work.

“i’m not nervous. not at all.” you mutter, turning side to side to make sure that all angles of your face look somewhat decent

the other day yoongi pointed out some unblended concealer on your jaw so now you’ve been beating your face twice as hard every morning to make sure that everything is blended to perfection

speaking of yoongi

he’s actually the reason why you’re talking to yourself in the bathroom like a crazy person

…you like him.

well, you’re pretty sure you like him…

you pause for a split second before shaking your head

no, yeah.

you definitely like him.

the two of you have known each other for about a year now?

the story of how your friendship started isn’t all that exciting, now that you think about it

you were both in the same psychology class and he was late on the very first day and the only empty seat that was closest to the door was one that was next to you

you were hoping to make a new friend this semester but yoongi definitely wasn’t the kind of friend you had in mind

you were hoping for someone bright and chipper anD it wouldn’t hurt if they just so happened to be very intelligent and helpful when it came to coursework

“sorry.” the latecomer mumbles when his foot accidentally nudges against your backpack on the floor

“all good.” you smile politely and lean down to push it under your legs

you let out a breath before bringing your attention back to the prof

“-now, i know that not everyone likes doing this, but it is the first day of class, so how about some icebreakers?”

you resist the urge to let out a groan of protest upon the mention of icebreakers

gOD

seriously?!?!

icebreakers???

you guys have to do icebreakers??

how old do these professors think you are??

you hate icebreakers

they’re the absolute worst!

especially the ones where you have to tell people three things about yourself or three hobbies you have

because you can never come up with interesting factoids about yourself when you’re put on the spot like that

you remember last semester one of the icebreakers for your english class was two truths and a lie and to make matters worse it wasn’t like a ‘turn to the person sitting next to you’ exercise, it was a ‘everyone’s going to go around the room and share with the entire class’ exercise

and when it was your turn, the only thing you could come up with was: “i… am a human being. i… have teeth. and i… like… cilantro…?”

…

what the hell was that?

you clear your throat quietly when everyone looks at you like you’re insane

well, you technically followed the rules of the game

you aRE a human being

you DO indeed have chompers

and you hate cilantro!

but uh

out of all the things you could’ve said, those three were admittedly a little odd

“is the lie that you’re a human being? because you’re acting like an alien trying to fit in with us humans, my friend!” the girl sitting next to you (you later find out that her name is judy and you’d just like to say that you nevER liked her because she was one of those overly ‘i’m just happy to be here!!’ people that made you want to slam your face into a wall) nudges your side and you resist the urge to slap her hand away

the class immediately bursts into scattered laughter and you flash your prof a sheepish smile

so yeah

icebreakers have never been your forte and you don’t think they ever will be

“turn to the person next to you and… god, i don’t know…”

see??

even the prof seems reluctant to do this so wHY is he forcing everyone to do this????

“okay, how about this! tell them what you ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner yesterday. you can tell a lot about a person by what they eat in their every day lives. there we go.”

you press your lips together as you awkwardly manoeuvre yourself so that you’re facing the left

you force a smile onto your face when the stranger turns to face you as well

“do you wanna-”

“so like-”

the both of you speak at the same time and you immediately clamp up

well, this is just wonderful, isn’t it?

two seconds in and you already want to hurl yourself into the middle of a busy intersection

“oh, um, i’m y/n, by the way.” you lean in a little in case he can’t hear you

“cool, nice to meet you.” he nods as his fingers drum against his kneecap, “i’m yoongi.”

“oh, cool. yeah, nice to meet you too. yeah…”

“yeah…”

oh dear god

this entire interaction just makes you want to shrivel up and die

“so… should i go f-”

“look, we don’t have to do this, like… i personally hate icebreakers and i think i’ll survive without knowing what you ate yesterday. no offense.” yoongi chuckles before scratching the back of his neck, “we can just go back to doing our own thing until the professor calls time.” he shrugs before putting a single earbud in

you pause

oh!

okay

well

that worked out in your favour

“alright, no problem. i hate icebreakers too, so…” you turn back to look at your laptop

you stare at your empty google doc as your fingers drum aimlessly against the trackpad

you turn to take a look around

everyone else is just chatting their mouths off so you feel a little awkward sitting here doing nothing

…okay fiNE you’re just going to say something

“i mean, i guess it’s a good thing we’re not sharing anything with each other because i had, like, an embarrassing number of goldfish crackers for breakfast yesterday.”

yoongi nods before offering you a tightlipped smile

you press your lips together before slumping down in your seat a little

alllrighty

tough crowd this morning!

whEn is the professor going to call time??

at least you can use this time to think about where you’re going to sit next time

maybe you’ll sit in the front

smart people usually sit in the front, right???

you-

“what flavour?” you perk up when yoongi suddenly speaks up

he’s still scrolling through his phone and noT looking at you but you’ll take it

“the cinnamon graham cracker ones.”

he turns to raise a brow at you, “what? that’s not a flavour.”

“sure it is!” you scoff and open up your browser to search them up

“i only know about the cheddar ones. and cheddar is the superior flavour.”

you turn your laptop to show yoongi your screen, “see, check it out! there’s more than just cheddar.”

“oh. wow.”

and yeah

that’s how your guys’ first interaction went!

see?

nothing to rave about

it’s funny because you remember after hanging out with yoongi for the first time (the both of you had an hour and a half gap before your other classes) you told yourself that you weren’t allowed to like him

you have this tendency to immediately fall in love with someone just because they’re nice to you

like one time, this guy held the door open for you at the library and shot you a smile and a ‘no problem’ after you thanked him and you couldn’t stop thinking about him for literally two weeks straight

you’ve given him the affectionate title of library boy

you still think about him from time to time!

so you were pretty surprised to find that you weren’t slowly crushing on yoongi a month after meeting him

(you like to think it’s because sometimes he talks with his mouth full and that’s one of your turn offs)

this was a personal achievement for you!

not falling in love with someone after one day of getting to know them?

gold star for y/n!! :D

and you were pretty sure that this ‘friendship’ was just going to be one of those semester friendships

you know, the ones where you hang out a lot solely because you’re in the same class and it’s good + convenient to have a buddy in the same class

and after the semester ends you promise to meet up with them next semester and it never actually happens so it’s just an endless cycle of ‘hey, you free this week?’ and ‘i can’t this week, what about next week?’

and eventually you just stop talking to the other person because that’s just how it is

and when you see them in line for coffee at starbucks you’ll obviously say hi to them and the two of you will be like omg we have to hang out soon!!! but in your minds you’ll be thinking something like even if the world was ending we are not going to find time to hang out

you know, that kind of friendship!

not to mention, you don’t have a lot of boy-friends in the first place so you were positive that this was a business only friendship

so you were more than shocked to see the ‘i’m starving. let’s get pizza for lunch. where u at?’ text from yoongi at the beginning of the second semester

and now, here you are!

one year later and you’re still getting i’m starving. let’s get [insert food of choice here] for lunch. where u at? texts from yoongi

the only difference between now and then is the fact that you are completely and utterly whipped for yoongi

110% in love with that man

you don’t even know what changed!!!!

one day he was telling you a story with his mouth full as per usual and instead of finding it gross you actually thought it was cute how he seemed to resemble a chipmunk

and then you started to notice other things about him that you found cute

like the way his eyes light up whenever you bring him an iced coffee

or the way he throws his head back and places a hand on his chest when he’s laughing reaLLy hard over something you said

or how he leans back in his chair before sticking his foot up on the seat in front of him while chewing on the lid of his pen

and even your tradition of flipping each other off after you hop off the bus at your stop has your heart fluttering

you really can’t explain what happened

you kind of just woke up one morning and was like:

…do i like yoongi?

omg DO I??

this is… month five of your crush on him?

the only reason why you finally decided it was time to tell him about your feelings was because you spent the entire weekend reading friends to lovers fan fiction and now you’re all revved up and ready to rumBLE

if it can happen to a fictional character it could certainly happen to a very real human being like you

and even if he doesn’t like you back (womp womp) it’ll be fine

it won’t be the end of the world!

yoongi’s always been super chill so you’re pretty sure it’s not going to destroy the friendship

if anything he’ll just use it to tease you sometimes (“hey i’m thirsty do u maybe wanna buy a drink for me? …the love of your life?”) and you’re completely fine with that

sure, it’ll be a little embarrassing to have to sit through the ‘i just think you’re a really good friend’ conversation but you’ll get over it

“look who’s finally back.” yoongi glances up at you, “did you have a nice poop???” he says loudly and you can’t help but scowl when you get a couple glances your way

he giggles to himself before looking back down at his phone

“very mature, yoongi.” you snort as you take your seat, “you child.”

a beat of silence ticks by and you feel your leg started to bounce anxiously under the table

maybe this isn’t a good idea

…

NO

you’re not allowed to back out of this!

you literally spent so much time hyping yourself up in the bathroom

you’d have wasTed hours of rehearsing if you change your mind now

“okay, i’m just-” your voice wavers and you clear your throat quickly, “i’m just going to say something, and… and don’t interrupt me or anything until i’m done, because then you’ll ruin my train of thought.” you pause to let out a breath, “i like you, yoongi. and not, like, in general… i mean i do like you in general but i like-you like you… romantic… style… you know?”

okay

well

it seems that maybe you needed to practice what you were going to say one last time because ‘i like-you like you romantic style’ definitely wasn’t in the original script of this tragic screenplay

“to be honest, i’m really not sure what changed. i know that we’re pretty good friends and all but i just felt like i had to tell you about my feelings. you know, i… i really care about you and you’re one of the most important people in my life, if i’m being honest. you’ve always been there for me and, i don’t know… i’ve liked you for nearly five months, and the only reason why i didn’t wanna tell you was because i didn’t want to, like, potentially ruin our friendship? oh, and it’s totally okay if you don’t like me back, i just figured you should know! i mean, it’s literally fine if you don’t feel the same way, and you don’t have to give me the whole pity speech because i know from firsthand experience that you’re literally the worst at trying to make someone feel better so… yeah! i guess that’s all i had to tell you. i like you.”

you twiddle with a strand of your hair nervously as you conclude your little speech and wait for yoongi’s response

…

…

…

yoongi looks up at you before plucking an earbud out

“what?”

you immediately feel all the blood drain from your face

he… he didn’t even…. he didn’t hear a sINGLE thing of what you just…

you just poured your heart out to him and he was listening to music this entire time?!?!?!

if anything, this is a sign from god

this is god giving you a chance to rethink the whole confessing your undying love for yoongi thing

this is god telling you that you should thank Him and spend the rest of your life praising Him for saving you from a lifetime of embarrassment!

you swallow thickly before letting out a nervous chuckle, “wh- what?”

“did you say something?”

“me? i did, but it’s not important.” you wave it off before letting out a scoff, “it’s whatever. it’s… yeah, it’s fine. all good.”

“‘kay.” yoongi sighs as he plugs his earbud back in, “but for the record, i like you too.”

“yeah, well-” you look back up at yoongi quickly

what did he-

did he just-

are you hearing things??

“um-” you shake your head quickly before leaning in a little, “sorry, what?”

yoongi sets his phone down before reaching up to pluck out both his earbuds

“did i stutter?” he sniffles before folding his arms and putting them on the table

you blink

you can’t tell if he’s joking or not because of the complete lack of emotion in his face

like that one time you were really upset over completely bombing your midterm and yoongi looked at you with the pokeriest of poker faces and was like: “this one, single test doesn’t define your intelligence. you’re one of the hardest working people i know and you’re a very diligent student. i’ll help you study for your next midterm. i believe in you.” and you were just like ?????

so right now with yoongi telling you that he likes you back..,., you genuinely can’t tell if he’s teasing you or not

“i don’t… i don’t know what you’re saying…” you feel like your eyes are going to dry out from how wiDe they are

“i’m saying that if you asked me if i wanted to go and make out with you behind the bookshelves right now…” yoongi hums as he leans back against his chair, “i would say yes. i would even go as far as to say hell yes.”

??????

what is happening?????

are you having a fever dream???

is THIS what a stroke feels like???

“actually, i’m starving. let’s go get some food.” yoongi gets up from his seat before grabbing his backpack and flinging one strap over his shoulder

you feel like you’re on autopilot mode as you get up slowly from your seat

you’re just… trying to process… what the hell is going on…

okay

um

so he does like you back??

“hey-” you look over to see that yoongi’s already picked up your backpack for you and has his free hand sticking out, “are you going to hold my hand or not?”

see???

how are you supposed to interpret that???

you look down at his hand and blink at it cluelessly

so he wants you guys to hold hands??

“for god’s sake-” yoongi rolls his eyes before grabbing your hand and gently tugging you along, “i have to do everything for you-”

“oh, that is so not true!” you snap out of your trance to defend yourself, “i’m just thinking about- so you could hear me the entire time??”

your stomach does a flip when yoongi suddenly brings your hand up to his mouth before brushing a sweet little kiss along your knuckles

“i like-you like you romantic style, too.”

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

[wickedpact]

i emerge from the abyss to tell you about the dream i had about 2 old 2 guard

so i think this was supposed to be like a trailer? honestly it was very unclear in the way that dreams are- actually. i think it started out as the intro to the movie and then shifted into a trailer?? whatever dreams are weird

started off strong with a flashback from decades ago (i think it was like, 70 years ago?) of nicky in either a hospital or a school, a young child in his arms and some other kids around him (dream me was THRILLED at this and had to pause the movie/trailer to lie face down on the floor with glee. i remember that Very specifically) and then it shifted into a trailer for the movie and things got. weird. (also my memory gets fuzzy about specifics) it was like, introducing these… alternate versions of the characters?? but the only one i (regretfully) remember is “nicolo tuo 2” (that was like. the name that showed up in text. i don’t know where the ‘tuo’ came from. my subconscious brain tried to create an italian word or something but i’m pretty sure tuo is an italian word that means like… you/yours? i could be wrong i just woke up and i’m not gonna look it up bc i’m on mobile and i fear losing the contents of this ask if i try to switch tabs) so anyways. jumping to what is definitely the worst part of this dream. nicolo tuo 2 was played by chris pratt.

i’m just giving that a moment to sink in. to feel it like dream me had to feel it. (the “it” is disgust)

(i’m pretty sure i can blame this nightmare on the snl sketch my parents were watching with chris pratt in it last night) - quite frankly i’m not even sure the other alternate versions of characters had different actors?? which i think might honestly be worse.

now crim, you might ask me “2ta, what happened to the nicky from the beginning of the dream? was he played by luca marinelli? is he still in this dream movie/trailer?” - yes. but god at what cost.

somehow. fucking somehow, it was implied that our nicky and joe (the real ones) were not together. and instead, if i remember correctly, there was a dramatic shot of nicky (the real one) kissing some woman, i believe in the rain? (the only thing i can think to blame this on, is the fact that i watched ricordi last year. and like if i’m remembering correctly the nicky in this scene in my dream had long hair kinda like i think luca had in ricordi) - everything other than that feels kind of irrelevant but there was like fight scenes thrown in there and i think like?? completely new immortals too?

idk at some point the dream shifts again and it’s kinda like completely different but also somehow similar in that it’s just all these new immortals (most of which consisting of being various fictional characters from things that i’ve watched and enjoyed) auditioning to be in the old guard. not. auditioning to be in the movie. actually auditioning to be in the group of immortals that is the old guard. this was taking place in like this. backstage theater style building and there were three different rooms with different things that had to be done in the auditions. the first room was fighting, where like, the new immortals that were auditioning were fighting each other and like everyone was in this room including andy and i guess the rest of the old guard (minus quynh, who shows up later) the next room was weapons, and there was absolutely no one in that room. empty room, bunch of weapons. moving on. the next and final auditioning room was… dramatic speeches. and that’s the room that quynh is overseeing. she’s like. happy and fully recovered from the ocean. that was a detail to this. dream me got to like talk to her (i was sent to find her by andy, if i’m remembering correctly) and she was really nice. and that’s pretty much where the dream ended.

(the relief i felt when i woke up and knew it was a dream and that chris pratt wasn’t actually playing a version of nicky in the sequel)

so there’s a look into my subconscious i guess. fuckin weird. i couldn’t consciously make this shit up if i tried. - 2ta

oh yeah also at some point there was like a new immortal who could like detach her hands? yeah i don’t know why that was highlighted or held in my memory but it sure was - 2ta

this was an ADVENTURE

"nicky in either a hospital or a school, a young child in his arms and some other kids around him (dream me was THRILLED at this and had to pause the movie/trailer to lie face down"

just reading this gave me Serotonin

“nicolo tuo 2”

nicolo. . . . .. . .. .... . .U2. . .. .. . .. ..... ..

"nicolo tuo 2 was played by chris pratt."

PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE. SNAKES R MANIFESTING IN MY HOME RIGHT NOW

"nicky and joe (the real ones) were not together. and instead, if i remember correctly, there was a dramatic shot of nicky (the real one) kissing some woman, i believe in the rain?"

THANKS THATS EVEN WORSE

"and that’s the room that quynh is overseeing. she’s like. happy and fully recovered from the ocean. that was a detail to this."

love that for her

asdfghjkl honestly even my dreams arent this weird, if i dreamed this i would be Losing My Mind for the next 36 hours minimum