#but this song has been stuck in my head for like four days

[veryluckyclovers]

obsessed with this song once again, it's like a 3 year cycle

[jasmines-library]

Hey, I love your Batfam work! Is there any chance you could do a whump/angst one of batsis being kidnapped by a villian(you can choose whoever you want) and she’s tortured for days with it being broadcasted to the Batfam while they try to track the footage. I feel kinda bad but can you do maybe some head trauma md severe burns? Maybe she has to be put in a medically included coma or smth because of the damage? Also is there any way you could include Barb and Duke along w/ the four robins? If not that’s totally cool! Sorry for the long request but I hope you have a great day!!

Anonymous Requested: batfam x batsib reader whos the youngest and newest robin and is just really goofy and doesn’t take anything seriously (ex: them blaring “who’s the (bat)man” on the comms during patrol [that songs stuck in my head i had to mention it]) and something happens, maybe their first close encounter to death or a run in with the joker and they just become a shell of who they were and stuff

Jokes On Me

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Note: My god im so sorry this literally took me forever to write, thank you so much for being patient. I've been trying to write this all week but just couldn't sit down for long enough to finish it.

Warnings: Torture, blood, burns.

Word Count: 2.5k

⛧ BATFAM MASTERLIST ⛧

⛤⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽⛧☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⛤

“Y/N, turn that shit off.”

Jason grumbled at you over the coms. You had been blasting some wretched song that you’d found on the internet over and over again and it was beginning to drive him mad. 

“Nope.” You said, popping the ‘p’ loudly. 

“Seriously.” Dick deadpanned. He had found it amusing at first, but it was now beginning to test his patience. 

Agitated, you sighed and turned off the music. “Fine.”

“Thank you.” Jason expressed gratefully, turning his eyes back to the road he was patrolling. The night was cool and quiet besides the odd dog walker or couple returning from an evening out. It was one of those nights where patrol would end early and he could return home to take a warm bath and read a book before turning in for the night. Or so he thought. 

You were rounding the corner, humming that tune that was still stuck in your head when his laughter ricocheted across the walls. You stiffened, eyes widening and hands fumbling for your weapon as your breath hitched. No amount of turning and craning your head allowed you to catch a glimpse of the dreaded figure, and you thought for a moment that perhaps it had just been a trick of your mind, or one of your brothers playing a cruel joke on you as payback for winding them up earlier. But then you heard it again, only this time to your left. You clutched your weapon tighter, eyes scanning the area with a new found sense of urgency. 

“Wing…” You whispered into the coms so quietly that you were surprised he heard it.

“What now?” He somewhat snapped. 

“We have a problem.”

Dick’s heart sank through the floor, his ears pricking up and his demeanour changing completely. “Where are you? What’s the matter? He was trying to let his panic show, but you hadn’t been patrolling as a vigilante for very long, and while you were well trained, you lacked the experience to deal with something big on your own. And from your tone of voice, he could tell that you were in some deep shit. 

Jason worked his legs harder to push himself to reach the direction he had seen you head off in. Albeit it seemed even his hardest wasn’t enough.

When he stepped out of the darkness, the first thing you noticed were his eyes. Wide and bright, easily mistakable for a cat’s as they flashed in the darkness; wild. Rabid. As he emerged fully with that infamous twisted grin splayed out on his face, you felt like a cornered animal; a deer in headlights. You froze, unable to move despite how your heart screamed at you to run as it pounded, trying to break free from your ribcage. 

“He’s here…” A mere whisper sliding over your tongue, so fragile that you weren’t even sure if you had actually said it aloud. Jason had heard it. 

“Who?” 

The Joker was circling you now, dragging out his strides in lazy circles. You should have fought but in that moment all of your training had drained out of you, along with the colour in your face. He smirked, leering down upon you as you tried to keep your trembling hand still. He pouted in mockery and at your silence, Jason repeated his question to you, but you never got the chance to respond. 

“Oh…Just an old friend, Jay-bird.”

“Joker.” Urging his body to move faster, Jason grit his teeth. 

Dick paled. “You leave them alone.” Dick spat. It tried to be a command, but the effect was lost somewhere in transmission.

The joker pursed his lips, tilting his head as he analysed. One of his hands had found his way to your jawline and he trailed it with a cold, gloved hand. You wanted to lean away, to run and find your brother but you knew that now he had you in his grasp there was no point in even trying. “And why would I do that? They’re right in front of me. I could just…snatch them up.”

“Don’t you dare!” Dick was frightened now. “Y/N, you stay there as long as you can, okay? You fight. We’re coming, you hear?”

The Joker frowned at you. “D’you hear that? Big brother birdy coming to the rescue. How sweet.”

His grip on you tightened. “Too bad you’ll be long gone by the time they get here.”

With one swift motion, he had thrown you harshly to the side, your head colliding with the wall with a sickening crack. 

The two boys skidded to a halt just a second too late. You were already gone. 

~

Your head hurt when you woke up. Your eyes squinted against the sterile light. They did no favours to your pounding headache. With a groan, you tried to twist, to roll over and soothe the crook in your neck but instead all that happened was the jinging of a metal chain. You craned your head and spotted the thick chain that had been wrapped around your wrist, confining you to the chair. Struggling, you tugged on them, trying to free yourself only for them to rattle and scrape against your skin. 

“Yeah, that’s not going anywhere, birdy.” The joker chided.

You glared at him through narrowed eyes, trying to mask the thumping of your heart. The joker grinned wildly at your frightened complexion. 

“It was such a shame that Grayson and Todd didn’t get to you in time, but it was far too easy to catch you, little bird: you completely froze.” He snapped his fingers to emphasise his point. “Didn’t batsy teach you better?”

“Don’t talk about them.” You snapped. 

The joker raised his hands, palms facing toward you in surrender: taunting you as if you were the one with the power in the situation. “Touchy subject I see. Too bad.” 

He gestured above you to an incessantly blinking light. “Smile for the camera, you’re live.”

~

Babs had been monitoring the street cameras when the computer beside her flickered to life. She had been searching for any sign of you ever since Dick and Jason came flying through the grandfather clock. Everyone was on edge. 

The moment the screen flashed on, her eyes perked up to watch it, alarmed. She hadn’t turned it on. And there were very few people who could bypass the caves system. So when she saw a small frame curled up in a chair she knew immediately what was up. 

“Duke…” she called to the dark haired boy who was trying to help decipher your whereabouts. “Go and get B.” 

It did not take long at all for everyone to gather around in the cave. Duke was fast, and everyone dropped what they were doing to race down: even Alfred had taken his leave from his duties to see. 

It was almost like some sick irony because as soon as they were all there, you began to scream. A guttering, perfect scream that cut that through them like a knife: unclean and pinging into them messily again and again. 

The joker had taken a knife to your left thigh, his smile dripping with malice as he watched the camera, somehow knowing that at least one of them would be watching. 

Your face was contorted in pain, twisting in agony as tears rolled flatly down your cheeks from fearful eyes. Damian felt sick, his stomach churning. Jason wanted to leave. But all of them were stuck watching. Barbra was tapping away, trying to locate the signal from the video to no avail. 

“I hope you’re watching this Batsy…” He moved round to trail your face with the edge of the knife. You whimpered. “I’ve got your little bird here and I must say, you need to work on their training. They were far too easy to catch.”

Bruce felt his jaw tightening and Tim had to place a hand on his arm to remind him of his place. 

“Anyway I thought we would play a little game… how long can little y/n survive for. I wonder if it’ll be any longer than our very own Jason Todd.”

Jason twitched. 

“I’m testing you here, Bat. Tick Tock.”

The transmission cut to black. 

~

It seemed hopeless. Even though they had been searching for days, they were no closer to finding you. And to make matters worse, they could see you. Not long after the first transition ended did it start up again. It had been lifestreaming since then, and although they had tried to block it from their minds, it was hard to ignore. Especially when your agonised screams ricocheted throughout the halls. 

You looked like hell. Dark bags occluded under your eyes and there wasn’t an inch of your skin that wasn’t marred or stained with drying blood. The burns were worse. Damian could still hear the scream you let out when the joker first brought the hot poker to your skin. It had bubbled and blistered as the skin peeled away; you had thrashed against your restraints violently. Tim was certain that they were going to get infected if they didn’t reach you soon. 

It felt as if they had searched everywhere. Dick and Jason had even asked around to see if anyone had heard anything, going as far to talk to the Jokers closest associates in Arkham, but even if they did know, nobody said anything. Duke had even gone as far to go back to the area to use his powers to see if he could trace anything, but nothing seemed out of place; they had hit a brick wall. That was…until a small light appeared on the monitor. Babs had managed to trace the signal to a small building on the outskirts of the city. 

They were suited up in minutes, making a beeline for the building. They stormed it, recklessly taking down the Joker's goons before Batman chased wildly after the Joker, his face stony and his fists burning with anger. The other four boys chased down the winding corridors, flinging open the doors until they found one that was locked. Tim wasted no time, picking the lock with ease he peeled it open. His breath hitched when he saw you. 

Your face was gaunt, hanging low by your chest. Your suit was torn and there was less of it on your body than there was ripped away. You looked so fragile as your chest heaved sporadically. 

Jason nearly had to take a step back. This place reminded himself too much of his own encounter with the Joker not too long ago. But he pressed forward, fighting his instincts. He had to be strong. Instead of turning back, he kneeled in front of you, whispering your name. His hand came up to cup your face. You flinched away. 

“It’s okay kid. It’s us.” He tried to reassure you, but you shrank back into yourself. 

“We’re so, so sorry kiddo.” Dick tried placing a gentle hand on your arm before moving to work on the cuffs around your wrists. “We’re going to get you out.”

You said nothing, just continued to stare at the black space before you, and Dami wasn’t sure if you even knew they were in front of you. But when Jason moved away from you to help remove your restraints, your fingers latched onto him and you squeaked in protest. 

He sighed shakily. “Don’t worry kid. I’m not going anywhere.”

Damian twisted from where he was guarding the door. “We need to leave.”

Dick nodded bluntly, finishing with the last of the locks. “I’m going to have to pick you up, okay sweetheart?”

You barely registered what he had said. Everything had grown numb, you nodded anyhow. Moving his arms underneath your legs and slipping one arm behind your back, Jason began to lift you. He nearly recoiled when you cried and whimpered with the way your wounds jostled as he sprinted out of the building to get you back to safety. 

~

You were yet to say anything since you came home. You had been back a few days and your wounds were healing up nicely thanks to Alfred’s handywork, but the air was eerily silent around you. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t been communicating with them; you spoke to them with gestures or writing but no one was used to not hearing your voice. The stark contrast between your loud and bustling personality and you now was unsettling. No one wanted to push you too far but the manor was beginning to grow lonely. 

It was one particularly rainy night when you finally spoke.  You were curled up in a large armchair by the window in the library, sinking back into the plush leather as you watched the raindrops race down the glass. Jason had been watching you from afar, contemplating whether to talk to you or not when he walked over. 

“What are you up to?” He asked you, making sure you knew that he was there before he spoke. 

You gestured toward the window,then to the half opened book at your feet and shrugged. 

“I see.” He nodded, taking a seat on the armchair opposite you. A comfortable silence settled between the two of you. Jason wasn’t much of a talker. He knew more than anyone what you were going through, which was why it was nice just to know that he was willing to sit with you, just so you knew that he was there if you needed him. It made you feel safe. But you also couldn’t help but feel guilty, and frustrated with yourself for being in a place that made him feel as though he had to do that. 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. 

Jason had to do a second take. His heart swelled. “What for?”

You sighed. “This. When I saw him…i-i froze. If I had run then this would never have happened.”

“Shh. This isn’t your fault.”

“But-”

“I promise, Kid. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

You nodded, looking away from him. But then you furrowed your brows and turned back to him. “How did you do it? How did you deal with this, Jay? Every time I close my eyes he’s there.”

“I guess I don’t, really. Or sometimes it feels like I don’t. I still get scared sometimes. I still see him in my dreams. But over time it gets easier. I had people around me to help me. And so do you, kid. We’re here. We’ll always be here.”

Jason shifted to brush away a rogue tear and you leaned into his touch and then wrapped your arms tightly around his middle. 

“I’m here. Always. We’ll get through this together.”

⛤⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽⛧☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⛤

BATFAM TAGS

@aestheticdaisies @hearts4robs @xxrougefangxx @mamapucket @hell-o-kittys @harleycao @batfamsstuff @alicedawitchbish

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[strxbrymochi]

i know im quite late but this has been stuck in my head and i need to get it out so here are my 12am impulse thoughts,,,

how i imagine nct dream would be on valentine's day;

note: this is just the vibes i get from seeing them and 100% based on my delusional imagination

mark;

i am extra delulu for this man rn its so bad

i feel like he would be such a wholesome valentine date

straight up imagined some sort of serenading going on bc hello guitar skills?? and his voice??

i'd imagine he'd gift you some sort of designer thing (just cause i think he's the type to spoil u for special occasions bc ur his girl yk screams)

i think good food = good talks = just enjoying each other's company; type of guy i genuinely feel like you can have hour hour hours long convos and not get bored

lots of laughs bc hearing his laugh >>>

feel more home date vibes where you take out your fave foods and just jam out love songs in pjs but i can also see late night walks or going to some lowkey resto so yalls dont get spotted

renjun;

this guy is for real a deep down romantic aint no way with that face and attitude have you seen how he speaks to some of the dreamies??

defs would serenade u if u ask him to (imagine him shy at first but giving it his all aww)

hands down will gift u something he custom made i do not doubt this given he made custom hoodies for the rest of dream but yours defo will be extra special and made with care <3

can imagine some sort of art date or a quiet night for the two of yalls, him spoiling u a bit cause valentines is extra reason to do so

honestly if i was on a date w him i'd just stare at him ... oops

i think u guys should do the "draw each other" trend as a gift and ur drawing of him looks horrendous (bc u are not as gifted in the arts-- if you are good for u) while his of you looks majestic but he keeps it anyways bc u made it (hearing his beautiful laugh makes it worth ut too anyways)

jeno;

ok look i think jeno's v acts of service-y

wouldn't question if he attempts to cook for you or do things for you a lot more often on valentines to show his love for u (wake up to meals and a clean house yessir-- only for today tho GAHAHAHAHA)

another one i think would spoil you with designer stuff and just imagine the little cute smile on his face when he watched you open the gifts cause he's out here looking at u w pure genuine love (must be nice)

my man's a gamer would probs challenge u to a game or two before heading out

ice cream !!!!!! i have seen 2 vlogs w him looking for and eating ice cream i think you guys will defs have an ice cream taster or smtg (he's so me!!)

idk bro i love jeno any boyfriend fantasy i have in my dreams is played out by him. TT

haechan;

nah yea atp they'd all spoil you (pls dream is full of loving green forest men)

i can imagine deep talks about your future together like wouldnt be surprised if mans doesnt just propose to you alr thats how much he loves you

clingy clingy boy and he is not afraid to show you and let you know how much he loves u !

would hands down take you to the BEST restos and yalls would have insanely good food

can see some karaoke or bowling or idk just an activity yalls can do together before going home for a quiet night of the talks and just enjoying each other's presence

where do i find one genuine question

jaemin;

royalty treatment all the way

breakfast in bed: check with four course meal, flowers: check, gifts: check, chore-free house: check say less

i feel like jaemin is a very big words of affirmation guy so he will not stop complimenting you or saying he loves you

takes a lot of pictures of you too

yk also i think he'd actually send his mom flowers for valentine's day too

staring at you for hours with that stupid cute grin of his, eyes full of adoration

would have all your wants and preferences memorised hes so attentive you actually dont need to worry or do anything all day (just appreciate it bc u deserve him and his love!!!)

chenle;

(there were like no chenle gifs wtf)

PRESIDENT ZHONG CHENLE!!!!! money moves fr name what u want and u got it, spoiled level 1000 on valentine's day

if he could go around freely i think he's the type to take you to fancy ass restaurants like those rich hotel ones (but like if not that's ok he'll spoil you through other means)

he's a menace sometimes i think he'd joke around and try to get on your nerves a bit for fun like imagine him rocking up and being like what day is it today? oh it's valentine's? what's that idk what that is. was i meant to do smtg for u? (him and haechan fr would be the type to tease u so bad) all that just for laughs i can alr imagine the look on his face

as sweet as he is i think at one point he'd either make you do smtg so stupid w him or get a random ass matching present just for the lols (he rlly doesn't gaf he's so real and u love him for it)

jisung;

my sweet sweet child (we're like the same age)

i feel like he'd be so babie trying to prep everything and making sure everything is perfect for u awwwie

tries to act all tough and cool but melts on the inside, compliment him once he shows that smile of his and he's down forever

would be the type to get advice from his hyungs on what to do but be so shy when asked (sksks hes adorable pls)

i feel like he would make you a custom gift like something you can take w u always but also get u something expensive idk unless ur not into that stuff GAHAHA

IMAGINE he tries cooking for u but oblivious kiddo ended up burning it but its ok he tried, yalls got takeout instead

OK ALSO think him trying to teach u how to dance that'd be so cute or yalls can end it w a movie just in each other's presence and u fall asleep next to each other on the couch (BYE SO CUTE IM DED)

ok that's it im done i need to sleep good night (stay delulu besties <3)

[kiwanopie]

Laptop

boyfriend!kiyoomi part IV!

“So… Where’d you two meet?”

Sakusa sighs.

This was exactly the scenario he was trying to avoid. Sitting on the bed adjacent to his longtime teammate and trying to avert his eyes from the way he kicks his feet from under him like an overgrown school boy. His gleeful - prying eyes sear holes in the side of his head from where he’s got his nose pointed at his laptop monitor, and if his hunch should tell him anything; it’s that little Mr. GossipGirl won’t rest until he’s juiced him of all the mushy details.

But the problems not that he doesn’t like talking about you. It’s the opposite actually, he could start and never finish, it’s just…

It’s embarrassing to get all sweet and blushy in front of this honey-eyed fool or any of his teammates. He hates the vulnerability of it all. Fending off a smile and trying to minimize all of these very big, very honest feelings he has about you. And ever since meeting you he’s been very slowly but surely pushing himself away from his previous dispositions.

Aloof old Omi, safely reclusive - inside his little shell, has peeked his head out and fallen in love with the sun.

This guy’s gonna eat that shit up.

Sakusa grazes his finger along the touch pad, tapping it a few times before grumbling curtly. “Can you go to bed already?”

“Not without a bedtime story,” Atsumu chirps. “C’mon. Tell me all about ‘er! I know you want to.”

Sakusa sighs again as he taps in a few loud keys. White orange tinted light turning his skin a filtered fuchsia as the screen flickers. “What are you five? You’re a little too old to be swapping secrets like a grade schooler.”

“Is she a secret though?”

“She’s not.” And that’s a resolute answer if he’s ever heard one.

“Then why won’t you tell me about her?!”

“Because-“ Sakusa blows out an exasperated breath.

There’s a long moment he spends pointing his nose to the hotel ceiling to quietly deliberate. Longer the few seconds he spends clenching and unclenching his jaw as his eyes fall and his pupils twitch in careful thought. He opens his mouth - closes it again but his lips part on their own. Sakusa blows out a breath until his voice comes tumbling after it, and it pains him to know that his fight for composure was fruitless.

“If I tell you, will you shut up and go to bed?”

Atsumu crosses his fingers over his chest. “Hand to God.”

Sakusa stares at him for a while.

“We’ve been… dating for the past couple of years,” Three years and eighteen days of pure bliss. “She was one of my sister's students so we met through her.”

The uncut version is that Sakusa stormed his sister’s office before her lecture could fully clear to bitch about her saddling him with mom on his only days off. Had to have looked mad as a snake when he walked in there, face twisted up and everything.

And obviously a 6’4 Olympian isn’t what your average college student expects to run into during their four o’clock lecture, especially when he’s calling out to their professor like he’s got a loaded gun in his hand. But you were too busy filling in your last minute notes to care about him or whatever he was doing at the time.

Sakusa sees you but he doesn’t see you. He just knows you’re the only person in this room and there’s a wicked witch on the loose. “Have you seen Kyouka?”

You hum. “Sakusa-san?”

“Obviously.”

Your eyes are the first thing he notices when you raise your head. They’re doey and soft and disarming. You’ve got that kind of look to you that reminds him of a love song; one of those old school radio ones that you hear in the car on the way to work but it’s stuck in your head throughout the day and you can’t stop singing it under your breath.

“You look like someone shit in your laptop and closed it.” You say.

The tendons in his jaw stress as you point your extended arm toward the door. “She’s in Nabuya’s lecture down the hall but, I don’t think she’s gonna talk to you with your face all twisted up like that.”

Sakusa quietly nods before turning his heel for the door.

It took two whole months of silently pining and bringing his sister pickled daikon for lunch to finally get you to agree to go out with him, and since then he’s been living on cloud nine.

“Oh-Ho!,” Atsumu grins. “And did charmin’ ol Omi put the work on her? ‘That it?”

He didn’t anticipate how dry the air would be on your first date so he wound up with a nosebleed that geysered for like a solid five minutes. “Yeah…”

“A’right, a’right, So… How is it that I’m just hearin’ about her now? I mean, from that phone call-“

“Let’s not talk about the phone call.”

Atsumu titters. And he seems genuinely happy to see his friend all settled down and loving someone so earnestly. He knows how difficult relationships can be for a high maintenance guy like him, and it’s refreshing to see his edges softened a little. He kicks his feet until he’s pressed against the headboard adjacent to Sakusa, smiling at him from across the way as he cradles a pillow against his chest.

“You should know that you’re safe to talk about yer personal life with us, Omi. It’s not like we were gonna tease ya too much about it.”

Sakusa blows out a short breath through his nose. “I know that. It’s just-…”

The way Sakusa softens up is quite honestly enough to make him start to blush. “____’s really special to me. So, I guess it’s hard to bring her up without getting touchy about feedback.”

Atsumu throws his head back a little. “Well, it’s flatterin’ that you’re bein’ so honest about it with me.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

He snorts as he rests his head on the headboard with a quiet thump!

And then he furrows.

Atsumu leans in to get a better look at his monitor. “Why ya lookin’ up purses?”

Sakusa hurriedly shuts his laptop.

Physical therapy

[ikigaisvt]

our dawn is hotter than day.

in which you and your boyfriend says i love you for the first time surrounded by his friends.

pairing: jeonghan x reader, seventeen x reader (in a friendship way lmao dw) words: 1.6k content: fluff warnings: talk of drinking (like two times but it's not a main theme), reader sits on jeonghan's lap, reader kisses jeonghan's cheek, they hold hands, jeonghan's tucks reader's hair away from their face, pda ig?, petnames (for reader: angel, baby / for jeonghan: hannie) note: jeonghan's instagram post from a few days ruined me,, he's my bf :( this idea was mostly @homerunhansol so credits to her for this story (and for making me delusional about hannie 🫶) thank you bb! minors can interact with this fic but pls don't follow! comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated, pls don't forget

You thought when you would meet Jeonghan’s bandmates – his soulmates if we’re being truthful, that it would be nerve-recking. You thought you would be stuck to your boyfriend’s side, never letting go of his hand and always looking at him only, never meeting anyone’s eyes. No matter how many times he said in a reassuring tone you will be just fine, you didn’t believe him. You knew you were going to be anxious and there was no way around it. At least, you thought you knew.

What you never expected is – as the forever introvert you are, that you would get along with them this well. Since you walked into the place the 13 boys have rented for the weekend, it has been a constant exchange of laughter, smiles, drinks and food. Even the most introverted boys – such as Wonwoo or Soonyoung (who’s the shyest of the band, surprisingly) have opened to you. What you have realized in this little time together is that there is a snippet of Jeonghan in every single one of them. And that makes them feel like home, as if they always were just this much to you.

That’s how you find yourself, enjoying the night away, as it is still young, with 13 boys. You and Booseoksoon, which you have learned are the entertainers of Seventeen, enjoyed the karaoke together, singing at least 5 songs before the eyes of the other boys whom are clearly amused. A few times Chan joins you four to add some humor to the performance - and Seungkwan squeals every time or Jihoon adds some of his beautiful notes into the background. You have spent most of your night away from your boyfriend as he watches you from the couch, smiling and giggling, a beer in hand, at the way you are getting along so well with his favorite people in the world. It truly is a gift to see you this happy with the ones that made him into who he is.

As the night get deeper and colder, you find yourself at the campfire with most of the 13 boys – some of them being too tired to continue the night, to settle down and talk some more. Sat down on Jeonghan’s lap, in one of his comfiest hoodies, you talk and laugh with the boys as they share some of their funniest stories. You think your favorite one so far is about the famous Dokyeom and Seungkwan fight in Jeju.

It’s after almost an hour outside that you feel Jeonghan pulling you closer by the waist, resting his head on your back.

“Angel,” you hear him whisper softly.

“Hm, what is it, Hannie?” you answer quietly, turning around a little to see him look up to you with doe eyes.

"Are you enjoying tonight?" your boyfriend asks you, his eyes shining so much you wonder if the galaxy didn't find a home within him.

"Yeah, I am!" you tell him with a shy smile, knowing he's going to tease you with an I told you so even though it never comes. You see Jeonghan thinking about his next words, the teasing still ever present in his eyes when you hear a voice calling for you.

"Y/N!" Dokyeom says loudly to catch your attention, "Come talk with us!" he adds, sitting next to Seungkwan. You give them a thumbs up before turning around in Jeonghan's embrace, giving him a kiss on the cheek and squeezing his hand.

You spend the next hour or so sat down with Dokyeom and Seungkwan as you talk and laugh as if you knew each other for years. You only look up once or twice to look at your boyfriend, your eyes locking every time. If you were more attentive to him, you'd see how he'd be distracted by you, not being able to hold a conversation with anyone, including Seungcheol. He knew, when he first asked you to meet his members, that it would pull at his heartstrings. Despite all your beliefs, he knew you would fit in just well and they would welcome you with arms wide open.

He never really took the time to think about what it could mean for him. To see his favorite people love each other this much. He was hit with a wave of familiarity at the scene, as if his life always was like this, as if you were always just right by his side. However, what hit him the most at this instant, as he hears your laugh meld with Dokyeom's, was love. For some months he had been thinking of how much he loves you; he felt it mostly when you'd cook his favorite meal for him after he'd tell you practice was hard on this day, he could feel it in the way his heart would miss a beat when your eyes crinkle up in a smile or when you'd cling to his shirt, when he joins you in the middle of the night, making butterflies erupt in his stomach. But the moment he could feel it the most was right now: seeing you be your true self around his own people made him realize he wanted to provide this safe place for you for as long as you wanted him to. If you needed an island to rest on, he will be one for you.

It's after a few minutes, when Dokyeom decides to go to sleep and Seungkwan gets in a chaotic conversation with Chan, that you join him again, finding rest on his lap once more. As you talk lively with Seungcheol, the idea of playing mafia game pops up in the conversation which gets everyone excited.

After 2 mafia games - one won by Jeonghan as a mafia, the other one by the mafias again, which you were a part of, you can feel the sleepiness seeping through your bones. As you and your boyfriend were already eliminated from the current game, you fully let yourself rest against your boyfriend, your head in the crook of his neck, his hands keeping you still at the waist. You feel yourself drowsing off to the sound of Jeonghan's laughter, losing it at some of the boys' competitiveness.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, "do you want to go to bed?"

"No, no," you whimper, shaking your head slightly, "Wanna stay here. With you." you confirm, grabbing his hand tightly.

"Okay, angel." he says in a short chuckle, "But let me know when you want to go, hm?"

"I will, don't worry. Thank you, Hannie." you say sweetly, looking at him. The stars found a home in her eyes, Jeonghan thinks to himself.

"I love you." he says in a mutter, entirely to himself, thinking you're already dozing back to sleep.

Yet, he hears your giggle and feel the smile forming as your cheeks hit the curve of his neck.

"I love you too," you answer, still giggling. "Why are you saying this so suddenly?" you murmur, hiding your head deeper in his neck so no one can see the blush covering your cheeks.

"First of all, I didn't think you'd hear that and-" he says in a pout, as you look up at him, seeing a blush on his face.

"I can't believe the Yoon Jeonghan is blushing." you tease softly as you start to play with his fingers.

"And-" Jeonghan starts again, ignoring your teasing - even though a small smile makes its way on his lips, "I do really love you. Seeing you tonight, with all of them, tugged at my heartstrings." He explains, brushing your hair out of your face, "I felt like you were comfortable around them and it just makes me want to have countless days and nights with all of you. I just realized how I want to be with you forever." he confesses, still looking down at you, your eyes welling up with tears at his words.

"You know, why I felt this comfortable tonight?" you ask, waiting for his answer which comes in a shake of his head, "Because they really feel like you. Not in the I'm-in-love-with-you way- because yeah, I am in love with you, but- I just see parts of you within them. In their actions, in their kindnesses, in their words; that's why I felt so safe. They are people you love," you say as look around to see them still playing mafia game - Mingyu on his knees, begging Seungkwan not to kill him, making you snort, "You all grew up together, you taught each other how to be good people, and you did it pretty well. I don't think there'd be a single soul who would not feel safe with any of you." you tell him, holding his hand, "I was nervous about meeting them all, I wanted them to like me but tonight I realized it would be pretty damn hard to be hated by them-" you chuckle softly, your eyes meeting, "That's why I was so myself tonight."

"They'd never hate you." he whispers, "Not because they are good people - God only knows these idiots can be petty as well," he sneers, all the love in the world showing up in his eyes, "but because they saw how you made me happy, day after day. And that was enough for them to love you. It will always be enough." he tells you, eyes still locked, "Also- I am in love with you too." he adds as Seungkwan screams out in despair for losing while Chan stands up and does a silly dance to celebrate his victory, making you both laugh out loud at their antics. You look up briefly at the sky, seeing the stars still shining bright even though it is becoming brighter as the minutes passes by. I don't think I will be able to sleep anytime soon, you think to yourself as you feel your heart buzz with excitement, your boyfriend pulling you closer by the waist. But after all, as 13 boys once said, our dawn is hotter than day.

thank you so much for reading! i hope you liked it 🫶

[tremendum]

okay hear me out…… a javi fic based on the song bad idea by girl in red…..

bad idea

pairing: javier peña x fem!reader

rating: explicit. (18+. mdni.)   word count: 5.7k   requested: yes, based on the song bad idea! by girl in red as above as well as "can we have a javi p x fem!reader fic with a size kink PLLLSSSSS you'll fucking body that!!!" summary:  "bottom line, now you're stuck at this sticky bar, nursing your whiskey ginger because there's only one other person here you know; and he is a bad idea. and he's walking over to you." warnings: probably the worst spanish ever (pls correct me!), tbh this is porn with feelings, established friendship, this ended up pretty fluffy, soft dom!javi, reader has a very loose job description, drinking, smoking, size kink, praise, minor self-doubt/insecurity from both, oral (f!receiving), smut (unprotected PiV), spitting, slight face riding, multiple orgasms. notes: cant BELIEVE this is my first javi fic??? bc ive been loving this request for a while and this finally came to me amidst a fever, ive written it in like just over an hour and a half and refuse to edit it. anyways, desperate Javi is so sexy to i had to throw it in there,,, please lmk if you enjoy it and leave a comment/reblog!! that's how writers are motivated!! :) lmk if you guys want more javi in the future bc hes soooo yummy

masterlist

★  

it's as if the universe is calling on you to make bad decisions tonight. 

you didn't intend on going to the bar and staying until last call - that notion had only just appeared to you around four-forty-five pm, when you were signing what was to likely be only halfway through the documents you had to sort and approve by today's deadline. or maybe it'd slipped into your head when Murphy and Peña strutted into their desks just across from yours in the bullpen, smirks on their faces and their words hushed. 

you'd caught Javier's eye just as he laughed at something Steve muttered, his brows raising tauntingly as he glanced from his empty desk to your cluttered one. his shirt was unbuttoned and tie loosened, much too casual for the work day that'd yet to end; you'd rolled your eyes and resisted the urge for a cigarette. or the urge to climb over those desks and onto his lap right then and there. 

so you'd told yourself as a reward for the overtime you'll be punching in this week, you'll grab a few drinks - maybe, maybe find someone pretty to go home with. it's been a few months since anything delicious came your way, and after your tortuous new reassignment to the west side of the office, you've been forced to stare at Javier Peña for close to forty hours a week while he furrows his brow, churning cigarettes and barking things on the phone. 

it was a bad idea to let yourself find him attractive, and an even worse decision to become friendly - because once it started, it was an downhill sprint towards full-blown feelings. 

he didn't make it easier, with his looks and his comments and how he walked you to your car every evening or invited you to drinks with him, Murphy and Connie every Friday.

Javi was trouble. so, here you were. 

but fate is not on your side - it was simply a bad idea to come to this bar. 

it's not like you didn't expect to see him here, either. Javi always frequents this bar, all DEA agents do - and you'd actually told him and Murphy this time that you'd planned your night around this exact barstool. another poor plan, because now you're stuck staring at Javier's chiseled profile as he smiles at the woman working the bar, sliding his empty glass across to her and running a hand over his jaw. 

yes, you'd all but invited Javi to join you this evening, but you hadn't expected him to come alone - something about Connie and Murphy going to buy flowers on the way home - whatever. bottom line, now you're stuck at this sticky bar, nursing your whiskey ginger and poking at the ice with your cocktail straw because there's only one other person here you know; and he is a bad idea. 

and he's walking over to you.

"what's got you so down, cariño?" his voice is smooth as silk - but something deeper, almost. barrel-aged, probably. you regret the smile that placates your expression when he pulls himself into the stool on your left, turning your body to face him slightly. he's smiling already - that fucking smile, damn him. 

your head feels fuzzy as the smell of his cologne, muddled from the sweat of the day and the drink he'd enjoyed in the hour before deciding to come over to your side of the bar. you sigh, "trying to decide if I can walk home from here." you joke with a shrug, huffing a laugh through your nostrils as you cross your legs together. 

your skirt always used to feel odd against the stools here - the juxtaposition of work attire in a dive like this sticking out like a sore thumb. but you're used to it, now, and it barely phases you that your work shirt is unbuttoned just a bit more than it'd been at work this evening. 

Javi tuts gently, "should've considered that before last call." he mutters, raising his brows as he slides a cigarette between two plush lips, searching around his tight jeans for a light. your lips curl in a half-smile as you flick your own lighter, leaning forward to light it for him; his eyes, dark and swimming.

"guess so, but I've been prone to making bad decisions lately." you sigh, shrugging a shoulder. 

he hums lowly as a puff of smoke plumes around your bodies, gently caressing you. his arms, exposed to the elbow by the carefree sleeve-rolling Javi did the moment he left the embassy, glow golden under the low light. "Leavitt." he mutters in recognition, and something within you blooms and sputters. you nod sheepishly - Leavitt had reamed you in the middle of the bullpen early this morning for incorrectly guessing on some of his paperwork and resulting him in a fine. 

you wish Javi hadn't heard, but- well, it'd been hard not to hear. 

you smile weakly, shrugging as you desperately try to chase the cherry at the bottom of your glass, not sure what to say. your eyes meet his when you finally fish the cherry up and bring it to your lips; the sweet flesh of the fruit breaks open and the juice slides over your lips and onto your tongue as you sigh. 

his eyes follow you just as they've followed your figure around the office for months; dark, unspoken, wanting. screaming something at you, as you lift one brow towards his dark gaze. 

"among other things," you sigh, tongue slipping out to gather the syrupy juice on your bottom lip, "yes." 

Javi shrugs, "fuck him." he mutters it simply, fingers tapping lightly on the wood grain of the bar between you, and you crack a smile, "yeah, fuck him." 

you swallow your last sip before humming, "so where's Murphy? didn't realize this'd be a party of two." 

he tilts his head, "is that such a bad thing?" 

you huff a short laugh, cheeks heating up as he stares down at you, eyes dipping low to the lowest button of your shirt before meeting your gaze. "I never said that, did I Javi?" you smile sweetly, balancing your head on your hand, leaning on your elbow. but you know better; this is a bad thing, you realize. 

because the second Javi leans closer, you catch the woodsy musk and cigarettes that swirl around him, a deep amber scent. you're totally fucked. 

there's something that's been dancing between the two of you for weeks now, too exciting and different and real to acknowledge yet; but now, with three drinks under your belt and his large eyes on you, you don't think you can resist. 

you don't want to. 

but something catches your eye behind his attentive frame, and you try to hide a laugh. "your admirer is staring." you smirk, eyes distracted by the woman tending bar who keeps glancing with a stare at the back of Javi's head.

he doesn't even turn his head, seemingly already knowing who you're talking about. 

he shakes his head, "she's an old friend." he dismisses, eyes not leaving yours. you raise a brow, "friend?" you scoff lightheartedly - you know him, you know his reputation. 

he smiles, "yes, a friend." he insists, though his pink cheeks suggest otherwise, and you laugh. 

"it's been months since I've been with someone." you sigh, almost embarrassed to be admitting that to someone with such... high credentials in that arena. you honestly don't even know why you admitted it.

he doesn't seem phased, but his eyes seem to grow a shade darker as he flickers them back to you. 

"why don't you change that?" he says with almost no hesitation.  

you shake your head, "because I don't have a ride home." you tease, looking at him through your lashes. 

his head tilts towards you microscopically, eyes flickering over your features in a way that has your thighs clenching together. "let's go." he decides, ghost of a grin falling on his lips as he moves to stand. you blink, setting the glass with a clink down on the bar, "you don't have to, Javi, I can-" 

he waves you off with a dismissive hand, shaking his head as if offended, "I'm not leaving you here, cariño." he smiles gently, offering a hand to help you off your stool. something warm turns in your stomach as you take his hand - this is such a bad idea yet you can't help but dive in head-first. 

he insists on walking you to your door. 

you'd think it chivalrous, but with the way his hand falls on the small of your back, you're beginning to think it's anything but. 

he leans against the wall just next to your door as you dig through your purse for your keys, cheeks hot under the scrutiny of his gaze. by the time you slide the key into the lock and open the door, he's standing just a foot away from you, hands in his pockets and an easy look on his face under the flickering fluorescent lights in the hall. you turn back, heart hammering, as he speaks. 

"have a good night, cariño." he says with a gentle smile, about to turn around; you feel your opportunity slip through your fingers like the grains of time as you stutter, "w-wait!" 

he can't hide the smirk as he turns back to you and you bite your lip, tilting your head inside, "Javi..." you murmur softly, embarrassed to even say it.

his brows raise in question, intrigue spreading over his face, but he says nothing.

in your impatience, you flush, sighing. "don't make me say it." you almost whine. 

at your words, he takes a step towards you, your head tilting up to follow his eyes until he's directly in front of you.

there's a playful kind of desire that flickers through his features as he watches you're heaving breaths. his breath hits you warm and inviting as his glistening eyes search yours, "say it." 

your throat dries as you take a breath, "please," you try instead, face heating in embarrassment. he shakes his head, one large hand rising to caress over your jaw, brushing a strand of hair back from your ear.

leaning into your ear, he whispers gently, "you can do better than that, can't you hermosa?" his voice rolls over your body, inciting goosebumps to travel the length of your skin. 

you let out a stuttering breath, your whole body buzzing in anticipation as your eyes roll over the doors of your neighbors, hoping none of them can see the way this man crowds around you right now, how desperate you are as your hand slides over his own forearm. "Javi, I want you," you whisper, biting your lip. 

the groan he lets out sends a rush of heat to your core; arousal slicks your underwear as you feel lips ghost over the junction of your neck and shoulder; "estoy seguro de que sí, niña bonita," he breathes against your hot skin, his hands grabbing your hip and hair, pushing you suddenly against the wall. 

you gasp, a short whimper escaping your throat as his teeth scrape over your pressure point, one hand sliding into his hair, tugging at the thick locks. "fuck," you whimper as he presses fully against you, the pressure of his hardening cock against your stomach, "Javi-" 

you mutter, hands frantically pulling him by the collar of his shirt towards your awaiting, desperate lips- 

he tastes warmer than you'd imagined. like bourbon, some sort of sweet - licorice? - and desire as he licks into your mouth fervently, hand roaming down your sides to splay over your ass. you gasp against his mouth once his large hand squeezes your ass; seizing the opportunity, his teeth bite gently on your bottom lip. he leaves you breathless and dizzy. 

yes, this was - this was a bad idea. 

"look at you, hermosa." he mutters as he pulls away, hand splaying over your cheek and turning your head slightly, his eyes coursing over your aching body, searching his friction. something flickers in his eyes as he watches your hips move desperately, his hands squeezing over your waist, "so pretty." 

you flush at his words, the adoration lacing his face as he takes in your mussed hair, stuttering chest. 

"inside-" you start to suggest, breathless with desire, and he nods eagerly, "yes-" and then you're stumbling inside your apartment, a rush of cologne hitting your nose pleasantly as he crowds behind you, hands on your back, sliding low until he's squeezing your ass and groaning into your ear, "drive me fuckin' crazy with these skirts, baby." 

you let out a moan when he's pushed you back against the wall, hands pulling to untuck your blouse from your skirt, lips trailing marks up and down the column of your neck. you scramble to help him undo your top, but he get's too impatient- 

the buttons pop and clatter onto the ground as he rips the blouse open, exposing your lacy white bra; your eyes round as you gasp, "Peña!" you snap, swatting him on his shoulder as he laughs sheepishly, staring at his own mess then back to you.

"I'm sorry." he utters, trying desperately to conceal his smirk as you glare at him, trying to calm your thundering heart because Javier Peña wanted you so bad he just ripped open your blouse. 

he sighs, pulling at your hips until you give in, melting against him, "I'm sorry, cariño, I'll buy you another." he sounds a little more sincere this time as his lips press against your neck again and you help him shuck off the shell of what remains; his hands mould against your breasts instantly, thumb brushing against the bud that peeks through the lace, hardened in arousal. "you're so pretty, baby, it hurts." he mutters, cheeks tinted as he leans in to kiss you again, a warm feeling coursing through you as he slowly undoes your bra. he's always been so dramatic. 

you smile to yourself as you watch him lean down, placing kisses down your chest. 

your stomach coils in desire as he hitches one of your thighs up against his hip, hand sliding down to the strap of your heels; you silently thank yourself for wearing your decent heels - sexy, but professional. his eyes eat you as his fingers slowly undo the buckle on the heel, dropping it to the floor while staring into your eyes.

your heart hammers as he drops your leg in favor of the other, slowly dragging his fingers down your legs to unclasp the other; as you fall down to your true height, he has to stoop over you to catch your lips to his, your teeth scraping as he groans into your lips. your hands hungrily shove his suit jacket off his broad shoulders, tongue pressing against his as he pushes you hard back against the wall. 

you moan gently as he grabs your thigh and hitches it once again against his hip, pressing his length up against your core; the friction is delicious against your aching clit, dull but stimulating. you try to cover it up, "you better buy me two blouses, Javi." you joke. he smirks into your mouth, hand sliding below your skirt to toy with the ends of your stockings.

biting down on your throat as he snaps the stocking against the plush skin of your thighs, he groans, "fuck it- I'll buy you anything you want, just let me taste this pussy." he adds, voice low as he reaches around, fumbling with the zipper on your skirt. 

oh, god.

you help him with frantic hands; soon he's down on his knees, hands sliding up your thighs, clad in your stockings and panties, his breath hitting your heat gently. 

one hand rises up your abdomen to toy with your breast, pinching and rolling your nipple as he hums. you sigh shakily as you stare at him, body electric with arousal.

his eyes are blown wide as he stares up at you, tie loose, shirt unbuttoned and disheveled, hair mussed up from your fingers - the picture of an angel. your heart nearly stops as he leans forward, eyes still on you, and kisses just below your navel. 

your heart pounds as you stand on shaky legs, watching with anticipation as Javi teases you, kissing just around where you want him: your thighs, down to your knees, back up- your waistline - as his lips flutter onto your skin, you have to close your eyes, trying to find your breath because your mouth is screaming at you to say something that could ruin this all.

(yeah, this was a bad idea). 

but he slowly pulls at the edges of your underwear, you're aware of how hot everything is: you're sweaty, in need of a shower eventually. biting your lip, you mutter, "should- do you want me to shower, first? it was so hot out today-" 

any self-doubts that had crossed your mind are thrown out your open window into the night's warm breeze when Javier looks up at you with a face almost offended; as if it were absurd to ask. his hands close possessively over the backs of your thighs as he growls. 

he shakes his head, hands tightening on you so you stay against the wall, "you're not going anywhere. I've been dreaming of this pussy for ages. I'd live here between your legs, hermosa." he mutters, pressing his nose up against your panties, moaning at the damp seat, "so sé buena para mi y deja que te pruebe, si?" 

swallowing dry as your face heats, you nod, fingers brushing hair from his eyes. "si, Javi." 

he nods, "good." 

his thumb rises to prod gently at your pussy, sliding over the damp fabric as you gasp sharply. he lets out a low hum just as his thumb slides to hook your panties to the side, revealing your glistening, aching cunt for him. you watch with a slack jaw as his tongue darts out; a bold, flat stripe up your heat sends shivers through your body, your throat letting out a quick gasp at the desire that rocks through your body. 

"fuck, princesa, you taste so good." he groans, a desperation laced into his voice that you've never heard from him; one more lick spreading your arousal before he's swirling his tongue around your clit, holding your hips down hard into the wall to ensure you can't move away as he groans into you. 

"feels so good, Javi-" you whimper, face hot as he hums, face moving between your thighs as you stand on shaky legs. "what was that?" he teases, biting your thigh softly. you yelp, hands falling to grip his hair, your head falling back against the wall. "sh-shut up," you breathe, grinning with hot cheeks as he chuckles against your heat. 

but then he pulls your panties down your legs, tossing them behind him before he settles back between your thighs; suddenly one of his thumbs is spreading you open more, forcing your legs to spread just slightly, and he's spitting onto your wet heat.

your toes curl in pleasure as you gasp, one hand grasping your breast, thumbing your nipple. your stomach clenches as he leans back into you and works, tongue spreading over your cunt and gathering your arousal from your aching entrance before pulling your clit into his mouth, grazing it with his teeth and sending shocks through you. 

he groans when you tug on his hair; the vibrations from his throat sending a thrill up your spine and you can't help as your hips buck forward, smothering Javi's face and nudging your clit against the ridge of his nose. 

"s-sorry," you mutter, face flushing as he pulls back and stares at you hungrily; he shakes his head, "fuck, do it again." he orders, lips falling back onto you, tongue coursing through your soaked cunt as you buck your hips, the feeling of your clit against the bridge of his nose pulling a sharp gasp from you. 

your words fail you as Javi squeezes your ass, slapping you harshly and causing you to yelp. your hips don't cease their movements; riding his face, the nudge of his nose on your bundle of nerves hurtles you towards the edge of your orgasm, and you start to moan his name louder and louder. 

his mouth works to wind you up, your legs twitching and hands grasping at yourself and at his shoulders, his hair. he eats you up like he's been starved for months, his mouth only leaving you to mutter words into your dripping pussy. it's mere minutes before you're writhing against the wall and Javi leans back, "I can feel you're close, hermosa," he breathes, thumb replacing his tongue as he speaks. your thighs start to close but he holds them open, blinking those large eyes up at you, "need to feel you cum on my tongue, baby. cum." he sounds more desperate than you've imagined even in your wildest of dreams and you nod, your stomach burning with the clench of nearing your orgasm. 

you hit your high merely seconds after his mouth falls back onto you - your fingers in his hair, his name from your lips, chest heaving and back arching off the wall. he moans heavy into you as he laps you up, drinking you in and coaxing you through your orgasm with gentle hands and a silver tongue. 

you're left breathless when he stands back up, your legs as weak as jelly as his hand pulls your jaw forward and into him.

your lips meet his in a sticky, passionate kiss; you can taste yourself on his tongue as you pull his hips against yours, his cock straining through his pants. 

"do you need a minute-" he pulls back to ask as your hands slowly slither down to fumble with his belt; your heart thrums as your body rides the high of your orgasm, but all you want is more, more. 

you don't think you'll ever stop wanting more of Javier Peña. 

this was a really bad idea. 

"-I can get you water-" he tries to offer and your heart thumps at how kind he is, so attentive and caring - but you shake your head, nipping at his lips as you push him backwards, further into the apartment, "no- need you now, Javi, please." you mutter, "water after." you insist, unable to fight the smile that grows as he chuckles against your lips. 

"okay, señorita, whatever you say." he whispers, leaning slightly until he's picked you up and you wrap your legs around his hips, bare, sensitive cunt against the rough denim of his jeans. "but I don't want to hear any complaining, now." he teases, eyes sharp and shining with a playfulness that has you smirking. 

"then you better give me what I want." you counter as he stumbles his way through the threshold of your bedroom, hand coming to the back of your head to make sure he doesn't bump you against the frame. 

"I'll give you anything if you ask nicely." he whispers into your ear, biting your earlobe as you both tumble down onto your mattress, desperately clawing at his shirt and tugging his jeans off until he's splayed above you, arms caging you in as your stocking-clad legs wrap around his naked hips. 

he pushes up, leaning back so he's got his cock in his hand, pumping slowly as he stares at your bare body, splayed out for him. his eyes look ravenous; slowly, he lets his cock rub up your slit, gathering all of your arousal and juices as he rolls his hips.

you hitch your breath, both of your sighs heavenly as they flow through the evening air. there's sweat sheened over his built chest and your fingers slide over his toned arms, lifting yourself slightly so you can look- 

oh, fuck. 

your eyes almost roll back at the sight of his swollen cock, thick and large and lying against the short hairs that curl just above your pussy; he's so big, splayed on your stomach - he's going to be so deep.

your eyes widen as you wonder briefly how he'll fit but then he's humming, "ready, princesa?" 

you nod desperately, clawing at him until he's caged you once again, the tip of him prodding your entrance gently. "yes, Javi. fuck me, please." 

he hums, "dirty mouth," he mutters, "for such a sweet girl." he kisses you just so, his hand brushing hair away from your forehead as he teases you. 

you’re breathless; shivers cascade down your spine at the press of him, slowly breaching your hole and grinding sloooow and smooth into your dripping cunt, aching with desire.

he can’t slide into you, not fully- his cock is too thick, your cunt dripping but still so goddamn tight. the moan he lets out as he inches in slowly is fucking heavenly. "fuck, cariño, you weren't lying-" he mutters, almost shaking with restraint as he slowly eases himself into your tight walls, "-shit, so tight."

you grip his shoulder tight, "t-told you- it's been months," you gasp and he smirks, "thought that was just a line to get me back to your place," he mutters.

as he stills himself, nostrils flaring with focus, you lay a hand over his cheek - his eyes meet yours, something deep and truthful hidden in them. your eyes scream back at him. 

oh, you're fucked for him. this may have been a horrible idea. 

"well maybe I was just waiting for the right person," you speak before you can think- he freezes, you can feel his muscles tense. your mind reels. fuck, you hadn't even talked about what this was between the two of you- a quick fuck, stress relief, or something more- you're fucked. 

but he smiles, suddenly, groaning through squeezed eyes as he shakes his head, "you're going to kill me, cariño." he mutters, one hand falling to your hip, "you're so fucking cute." 

your stomach rolls with butterflies at his words and you hide your face. he has none of that, though, and peels one hand from your face and kisses you sweetly.

the kiss heats quickly as you slide your tongue against his; a strangled gasp leaves your lips when he starts to slide into you more, inch-by-inch, stretching you open and filling you full of him. his head falls heavy against your chest as he mutters, “you're tight, baby, so fucking perfect.”

his voice is starting to slur in pleasure as he soon slides into you fully, sheathed deep. you flutter around him as you accommodate to his size, the feeling of him nearly melting you as he starts to slowly thrust. his hips roll and grind against your clit; you gasp, nails raking down his bare back and pulling a moan from his lips. 

you let out a loud moan, his thickness stretching you and sliding deeper than expected, the tip of his cock kissing against a spot that has you keening. your toes curl and your head falls back as he grinds into you slow, deep.

it's a feeling you've never felt before; you knew Javi had a... reputation, all the women talk about it at your girl's nights and at the water cooler. but you never imagined such bliss as his hands roam you, palming your tits, his lips tracing shapes of affirmation all over your face, chest, hairline.

his voice slips between english and spanish as he purrs praise after praise in your ear- dreamed of you for ages, baby... just like that, yes, take my cock... querida, so good for me...

all you can say is his name; it falls from your lips like it’s the only word you know, his hips soon pistoning into you with fervor, chasing the feeling which coils again in your abdomen. 

suddenly he's grabbing at your hips, lifting you slightly as his legs slide under you and you're flipped up, straddling him, sitting on his cock as your legs wrap around his back.

you feel one of his own sturdy thighs prop up behind you as he lets you gather your breath; a whimper of his name has him nipping at your bottom lip. 

"shh, querida I know, feels so deep, doesn't it?" he mutters, kissing your lips as you slowly start to rock your hips, bouncing slightly as Javier's hands roam up your spine, one squeezing your ass as the other tugs your hair. 

"fuck," you moan, "you're so big, Javi-" he groans at your words, his own hips thrusting upwards and hitting a spot inside you that has you screaming; he leans back, staring up at you as you stare down at him with lust-filled eyes. his hand falls to lay against your stomach and your eyes follow his, where you can see the slight movements of him deep inside you- 

christ. 

you moan at the sight, the thought - he's so big all the way inside you - he's tugging you closer to him, until you're chest to chest, lips pressing hard against the other. 

the sounds of you and Javi's bodies together echo through your apartment; your head lulls to the ceiling as you let out a languid moan, the spot he's hitting making your eyes roll back. you can feel your cheeks hot and heavy as you whimper in desire; you're so goddamn close again, you know he can feel it. 

"shit-" he groans, "y'close?" he mutters and you nod frantically, the pleasure coiling dangerously fast. 

"been months, hermosa?" he groans into your ear as he meets you halfway with his thrusts, your breath punched from you with every kiss to your g-spot, "this what you wanted, hm? this feel good?" 

he’s always had you wrapped around his finger, and he fucking knows it. 

you sigh in ecstasy, unable to form full sentences as he hits the delicious spot inside you that nearly makes you pass out: "yes, J-Javi- so good, so good-"  your hands hold him as close as possible, his warm chest against yours.

the crest of your orgasm tingles your thighs, your toes curling and legs shaking as you start to stutter; he moans heavy- he's close, too. his thrusts are getting slower, sloppier. his movements are soon desperate and deep as yours are; his tip kisses your cervix and your body jolts up with each movement of his pubic bone against yours.

"you're perfect- fuck, need you to cum, baby-" he starts, desperate as one hand holds your neck, the other on your ass, tight enough to leave marks. "cum on my cock, hazlo ahora mismo mi amor, please-" 

he's rushing, desperate as you moan, his words throttling you hard towards the edge. 

you see colors when you hit your high. your orgasm explodes as you flutter around him, pulsing, moaning, your body shuddering as you slow your movements on his lap, unraveling around his touch. your voice is broken, mutters and whimpers of his name drifting through the room.

your thighs are soaked with your own spend and your cunt grips him like a vice; he can't help but kiss your open mouth as he milks you through your orgasm, muttering soft grunts in your ear. "that's it, baby. there y'go, so pretty, querida." he kisses the column of your throat as his thrusts slow to deep, long thrusts. "atta girl." 

his slow thrusts are splintered by his voice, "sh-shit, 'm gonna cum." he sounds almost desperate, his body so close to yours it's almost like he's trying to smother you. he groans your name in a broken sound; his grip tugging your hair. as he lifts you slightly, pulling out just in time for him to paint you with his cum. 

his seed covers your lower stomach, his groans deep and breaths quick as he moans, brows furrowed. your heart slams at the sight; Javi, pushing you down onto the mattress as he pumps his release onto your chest. 

his head tilts back, a look of complete bliss on his face, brows tight as his abdomen muscles tense and flex. his arms, toned in the soft light of your bedroom, glow. christ.

okay, not a bad idea. a fucking dream.

he slumps onto you after a second, moving so that he doesn't crush your chest, pulling you tight against his own hot skin. you feel his smile grow against your neck and the butterflies that grow in your chest swirl out of control. 

you smile, too.

you catch your breaths in silence while he places kisses sweetly over the marks he made earlier, your hand smoothing down his back, to the curve of his ass, and back up. 

once his breath is back, he kisses your cheek and stands, stretching his bare body, unashamed of the open window across the room.

you smile, face hot as he smirks at you, his eyes raking over the cum that paints your skin, before walking towards the kitchen. you sigh, lighting a cigarette that you dig from his jeans as he comes back into the room to wipe you clean, handing you a glass of water. 

you smile at that, shaking your head as you hold the cigarette up to his lips, watching as the ember lights up the dark of his mustache and the light in his eyes. there's smile lines around those eyes; it makes your stomach flip.

once you've both drained the glass of water, he pulls you back down to his chest, relaxing against the mattress. 

"well, that was probably the worst decision you made all day, hermosa."

his voice is teasing, but there's a flicker of doubt that crosses his eyes that you know all too well. your heart flips as you shake your head gently, hands cupping his cheeks. 

"this was the best idea I've had in weeks, Javi." you smile softly, pecking his lips gently. 

when you pull away, his smile is so soft you almost want to photograph it. something in the air is sweet when the two of you silently realize that he's going to stay the night; he pulls you up into his chest, kissing your hair while you listen to his racing heart.

he doesn't say anything after that - he doesn't have to. 

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:

taglist and requests for javi are open.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:

[daisynik7]

Give You Blue

Chapter 4: Alone Together

Pairing: Eren x f!reader, Reiner x f!reader (past relationship)

Rating: Explicit (for mature content)

cw: switching POVs (reader is in 2nd person, Eren is in 3rd), angst, language, a bit of fluff

Word Count: ~5.7k

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Give You Blue Masterlist | ao3 | Give You Blue Taglist

Summary: You and Annie attend a dinner at the Mu Phi sorority house on campus. Reiner, on his way out of Delta Delta, ambushes you on the walk back to your dorm for a less than pleasant conversation. Later that week, RA Eren hosts a game-night for his fellow residents. But, with it being on a Friday right after midterms, he's disappointed when it flops. Fortunately, someone comes to his rescue. Author’s Notes: Hope you enjoy this one! Likes, comments, and/or reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated. Please let me know what you think, I thrive off of reading your comments! If you want to be tagged in any future chapters, please let me know! Divider created by @/mikeykuns.

“Eren, are you paying attention?” 

Armin waves his hands in front of his friend’s face, snapping Eren out of whatever reverie he’s stuck in. He shakes his head slightly, grinning. “Sorry, Armin. Sort of zoned out for a minute there.” They sit next to each other on Eren’s bed, watching a movie on his laptop. It’s Saturday night, and Eren actually agreed to be social today. 

Armin taps on the space bar, pausing the film. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Are you sure you’re getting enough sleep?”

The real answer is no, but with Armin, he’ll only worry if he knows the truth. “Plenty. All eight hours,” Eren lies. In reality, he’s getting four hours tops. He stays up late studying, then spends the rest of the night tossing and turning in bed, anxious about the future. 

Oblivious, Armin responds happily. “Good! Living by yourself is already paying off. Sometimes I wish I could have my own space. The frat house can get pretty noisy, especially with Connie as a roommate.” He chuckles, reaching towards the bag of chips between them.

“Connie’s a blast to be around, though. I’m sure you’re having fun.”

“Yeah, I am. You should really come by the house.”

“Maybe. When I have time.” In all honestly, he has no intention of stepping foot in that frat house. Not because he has a disdain for Greek life; but because it’ll only show him what he’s missing out on. He already feels that way whenever he catches up with Mikasa and Armin, both thoroughly enjoying their college experience still. 

Mikasa returns from the bathroom, hopping on the bed to squeeze next to Eren. “What did I miss?”

“We ended up pausing the movie anyways, so not much.” Armin passes the snacks to Mikasa, who throws a handful into her mouth. 

They continue the movie, Eren’s mind drifting into space again. He’s already thinking about the upcoming chemistry midterm next week, how he hasn’t fully memorized the amino acids and their structures yet. And how he has to schedule a date to meet with Hange Zoë, a senior doing research in the lab, to see if he can shadow her for a month. On top of that, he’s planning on hosting a small event at the dorms, something to help his residents let off some steam after exams. It’s all too much. He wants to sleep and pretend that none of these obligations exist. 

The credits roll on his computer screen. He blinks, fully unaware of what transpired during the movie. His friends hang around for a few more minutes before leaving to head to a party somewhere else on campus. Once again, he’s alone. 

He is not motivated to study tonight, already burnt out from the last couple of days. Instead, he practices his electric guitar, working on a particular riff of this song he likes, replaying it over and over through his headphones. He loses himself in the music for a while, the closest thing to an escape that he can reproduce inside his own bedroom. Fingers sore from picking and strumming, he decides to call it a night. Face washed and teeth brushed, he snuggles under the covers, glancing at his phone. 11:00 PM. Wild night, he thinks to himself, laughing. 

Suddenly, his brother’s name flashes across the screen. “Zeke?”

“Eren, hey. You’re not sleeping already, are you?”

“Nah. But I’m in bed.”

“On a Saturday night?”

“Yep.”

Zeke chuckles heartily. “Oh boy. I can already hear it in your voice. Welcome to the club, little brother. Your descent into med school hell is starting.”

“Yay, can’t wait,” Eren responds sarcastically. “Anyways, what’s up?”

“I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Clearly not well.”

“I’ve been better.” He keeps his answer vague on purpose. With Zeke, he doesn’t go into too much detail with the emotions he’s experiencing. As much as he respects his older brother, the two of them don’t always see eye-to-eye. While Eren usually acts out of emotion, sometimes to a fault, Zeke is detached, unable to empathize with what his younger brother is struggling with.  

“Is dad still giving you a hard time? I heard he wasn’t happy with your last quiz grade.” 

Eren ignores the urge to ask how he knows about that, already aware that they talk about him behind his back. “I told him it was weighted, so technically I passed.” 

“Well, you know how the old man is. Technicalities don’t really matter to him.”

He rolls his eyes, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom, almost regretting picking up this call. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying you should study harder.”

He’s fighting to keep his cool, his body tense with anger. Before he loses it, he mutters through gritted teeth, “Okay, thanks. I actually gotta go now, bye.”

“Eren, I’m just trying to help – ”

He doesn’t wait for Zeke to finish his sentence, already tapping on the red button to end the call. Now, with his mood ruined, he’s not sure if he can fall asleep. He wishes it was still daylight, specifically the golden hour when the sun sets. It would be the perfect time to head to his favorite spot: the beach that overlooks the shimmering expanse of blue ocean water separating Paradis and Marley. He discovered this area recently, on one of his drives that he takes to temporarily escape. It brings him peace, even if the moment is fleeting. 

Instead, he scrolls through his contacts, tapping on his mom’s name, holding the phone back up to his ear. When her familiar voice greets him on the other line, the tears start flowing and he spends the next half hour confiding in her. 

~~~

You and Reiner cuddle in bed, his nose nuzzled to the back of your neck, spooning you. Bertolt is home for the weekend, leaving the room to yourselves. 

“Coco, are you still awake?”

You hum, snuggling closer to him, on the verge of sleep. He swallows hard behind you, as if he’s nervous. “I think I want to live in the fraternity house next semester.”

This gets your attention. Surprised, you turn around to face him. “What?”

“It’ll help me bond with my brothers better.”

“But we were supposed to live together.” The two of your agreed quite early in the semester that you would live together in one of the on-campus apartments. This news comes to you as a shock, since he’s never mentioned wanting to live on Greek Row, until now. 

“I just want to try it out for a year, baby. When we’re juniors, we can find our own place off campus, so we can do whatever we want.” He pulls you closer, kissing your forehead. “Everything is going to work out, okay? You can wait a year, right?”

Of course you can wait; that’s what he asks you of, so you’ll do it. But you don’t want to. You had all these exciting ideas laid out in your head: cooking meals together, relaxing on the couch in each other’s arms, being alone without worrying about parents or roommates barging in on the two of you. Being together all the time. 

“Coco, say something.”

It’s easy to get upset. Make a fuss and yell at him for being selfish. Simultaneously, you feel guilty for thinking this way, like you’re the bad girlfriend for disagreeing with it. For wanting him all to yourself.

“Okay,” you finally respond. “I’ll ask Annie if she wants to live together again, I guess.” It’s a compromise for the sake of making him happy. Because more than anything, you want him to be happy. 

He smiles, kissing you on the lips. “You’re the best, you know that? I don’t know what I would do without you.”

You wake up, back in your own bed, Annie’s soft snores filling the quiet of the room. A quick glance at your phone shows you it’s only 4 AM in the morning. It’s been a few days since you dreamt about Reiner, a new record since the break-up. Still, whenever you do, it hurts as much as it did the first night. 

He never warned you about wanting to move into the fraternity house. It came out of nowhere, a total and complete blindside, much like when he broke up with you. He’s been this way for a while, making rash decisions and springing it on you without a mention of it beforehand. You always end up going along with it, forcing yourself to accept it without disagreement. You never could stand up for yourself, thinking it was less hassle to bend for him than to argue about it. When you’re with someone for so long, the easy road seems the obvious choice, compared to one that has bumps and cracks along the way. But just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s better; it doesn’t always lead you to the right destination. And maybe that’s why you are where you are now: lost. 

It’s been almost two weeks since you saw him on that rainy day. Two weeks since he sent you that text message, which remains unanswered. There’s been moments where you stared at the screen, fingers ghosting the keyboard, wanting to send him a reply. Somehow, you’ve resisted those temptations. In the end, it’ll only lead to more heartache. The memories haven’t kept you up at night as much as it did before. Thankfully, your sleep schedule is back to normal, except for nights like this. You’re doing better each day. Annie’s two words to you are on constant loop in your head: Baby steps. Any progress, no matter how little or big, is still progress. As long as you don’t go backwards into a downward spiral.

Later in the week, Annie extends an invitation to eat dinner at one of the sorority houses on campus, Mu Phi. Hitch, a close friend, is a sister who currently lives there. As you approach Greek Row with your roommate, you look at the Delta Delta house right next door, wondering if Reiner is there, working as their hasher tonight. Possibly flirting with Christa or other sisters that surely find him attractive. You let the insecurities fade as soon as you knock on the door to Mu Phi, soon greeted by Hitch and two other friendly sisters. They lead you into the dining room, chatting about various topics, subtlety sneaking in how great sorority life is, asking if you’ve ever been interested. After all, they are constantly in recruitment mode, which doesn’t bother you. It feels nice to be desired. 

During the meal, the conversations continue. Annie, being the secret gossip she is, mentions the neighbors. You briefly described to her your run-in with Reiner and Christa, so naturally, she’s been curious since. “What’s it like living next to them?”

Hitch replies, “It’s fine. Did you know that Mikasa’s a Delta Delta?”

“Really? She rushed? I guess they can’t be all bad,” Annie muses.

Hitch eyes her with an amused smirk on her face. “Why would you say that? Who’s in there that you don’t like?”

Before Annie can respond, you interrupt, not wanting to spread any unwarranted gossip. “She’s joking. By the way, who’s Mikasa?”

“She’s this girl that attends Annie’s kickboxing class.”

Annie adds, “She’s also our RA’s sister.”

“Eren?”

She nods, confirming. His appearance around the dorms has lessened, possibly because of the upcoming midterms. He is a pre-med major after all, so you’re certain he’s too busy studying to be out and about. You wished you could have seen his face when he received the bag full of Pocky you bought for him, as thanks for sharing his umbrella on that rainy day. “I didn’t know he has a sister.”

“She’s adopted, from what I heard,” Hitch comments. “But they’re super close. Her, Eren, and Armin.”

At that third name, you glance at Annie, a slight blush creeping on her cheeks. She had a class with Armin last semester, and they were paired up for a big project. From then on, your roommate has been smitten with him, but she’ll never admit it out loud. You also recognize the name as one of Reiner’s pledge brothers from the same fraternity, though you’ve never met him personally. Knowing he’s close to Eren already gives you the impression that he’s a nice guy. 

The dinner ends with a tour of the house, not including the exclusive sleeping porch on the top floor, where all the sisters are forced to slumber beside each other. Right outside the entrance, you, Hitch, and Annie talk for a little while longer until your roommate announces, “My shift at the library is starting, so I have to leave now. Thanks for dinner Hitch!”

The three of you say your goodbyes, Hitch waving farewell from the door, you and Annie parting ways in opposite directions. It’s a clear sky tonight, the moon glowing brightly in the vast darkness, littered with barely visible stars. You take your time walking, enjoying the pleasantly cool air, admiring the other houses along Greek Row. From behind, a familiar voice calls out to you. “Coco.”

Before you face him, you curse under your breath, aware of exactly who it is. You find Reiner several feet away from you, presumably from the Delta Delta house. His fraternity is in the opposite direction, so he must have spotted you from afar, maybe heard you talking outside. You stand in place, waiting for him to catch up to you, ambushed. 

“Hey,” he says, with a sheepish grin.

You nod stiffly, unsure what to do next. It’s too late to make a run for it. Impossible to turn back the clock and sprint your way across campus. You should have known better, especially when you already assumed he’d be working there tonight. It doesn’t matter now; you’re trapped. 

“Are you heading back to your dorm?” he asks, hands in his pockets. 

You nod once more, voice stuck in your throat, unable to speak. 

“I’ll walk with you.” It’s not a question or a suggestion. It’s final. He’s determined to do it. 

Reluctant, you let him, pivoting on your heel towards the direction of your dorm, remaining silent. He stays beside you, hands in his pocket, glancing at you hesitantly. “What were you doing at Mu Phi?”

So he did notice you first. Eyes focused on the ground, you answer, “Hitch invited us for dinner.”

“Christa also invited you, remember? To the Delta Delta house.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” You don’t mean to sound venomous; well, maybe you do. Why bother bringing that up?

“I’m just reminding you. She’s really nice, you know.”

You snap, annoyed and frustrated. “Yes, Reiner, I’m sure she is very nice. That’s why I think she’d understand why I refuse to go to that house for dinner.”

“Because of me?” 

“Of course it’s because of you!”

He sighs, scratching his arm excessively. Something he does when he’s anxious. “I don’t understand why you’ve been ignoring me. I thought we agreed to be friends. You won’t even respond to my texts. How am I supposed to know that you’re okay?”

“Okay? You want to know if I’m okay? Reiner, I haven’t been okay since the day you broke up with me.” 

“That’s why I’m trying to talk to you.”

You scoff, blood boiling. “You’re the last person I want to talk to. You’re the reason I’m not okay. You broke my heart.” It’s a cheap shot to blame him, but that’s what you do. Fire everything in your arsenal to defend yourself, to hurt him.

His expression turns sullen at your harsh words. “I couldn’t be your boyfriend anymore. It’s fucked up, I know. But I did what I thought was right. I didn’t want to string you along.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way? Why didn’t you talk to me about it? We tell each other everything. Why keep this away from me?” 

He chews on his lip, nervous. “I was scared, okay? Really scared to lose you. I thought if I started talking about it, you’d break up with me and hate me forever. I wasn’t ready for that.”  

You process this, not sure how you truly feel about it. On the one hand, you understand the fear of losing the most important person in your life. That’s what you two are to each other. Well, were. On the other hand, it isn’t fair that he makes decisions when he’s ready. What about you?

You arrive outside your dorm building, standing feet away from each other, your arms crossed over your chest, protecting your heart. When you don’t respond, he continues. “I care about you, Coco. You’re my best friend. You’re the most important person in my life.”

 “You say that now, but eventually, somebody else will come along. Then what?”

Quietly, he replies, “I don’t know.”

You have to stand up for yourself. Hit him with the bitter truth even if it makes him uncomfortable. You’ve gone far too long agreeing to what he wants, following his plan, sacrificing your sanity to protect him. You don’t owe him anything. He decided to dump you when he was ready. That gives you free reign to do the same. “I don’t want to be a placeholder for whenever the next person comes along. Do you understand how painful that is? To know I’m temporary? I can’t be the most important person in your life. Not like this. That’s why we can’t be friends.” 

He stares at you, dumbfounded that you won’t concede to him. Disappointed that he can’t get what he wants this time, after so many years of doing so. This is what it’s like to have control, to stick up for yourself. Maybe there is some good to come out of this breakup. 

After a while, Reiner speaks, voice trembling, eyes glistening. “You can’t do this to me, Coco. I still…I still love – ”

“Don’t say it. Do not fucking say it.” You cover your ears, as if that will prevent your brain from finishing the rest of that sentence in your head. 

“I mean it, though. No matter what happens between us. I want you in my life.”

“Why is everything about what you want? Have you ever considered what I want?” You begin to pace back and forth on the pavement, arms jittery, increasingly erratic. 

A little louder now, a tinge of arrogance in his tone, he says, “We’ve known each other our whole lives. Pretty sure I have a good idea about what you want.”

“Well, you don’t. It’s different now. You don’t know me just as much as I don’t know you.”

“How can you say this right now? You’re just going to throw us away?!”

“You did it first!” you yell at him, tears streaming down your cheeks.

He steps towards you, hands in a desperate prayer, begging. “I don’t want to lose you. Please, Coco. I need you. I need you.” It’s the magic words that he so expertly chants to you. The ones that tug at your heartstrings, make you weak in the knees. And for a second, you consider taking everything back. Reach out and hold him, forget about the pain you’ve suffered these past two months and agree to be friends. Because you’d do anything to see him happy again. For this to be a long nightmare and to wake up together, perfectly back to normal.

But you don’t. And only because the entrance to your building suddenly swings open, revealing Eren at the door, inspecting the scene with a concerned expression on his face. “Is everything okay out here?”

Reiner glares at him for the interruption. “Who are you?”

Eren steps towards you, glancing at you and Reiner. “I’m Eren, the RA for this building. Heard some yelling and thought I should check it out.” 

“Reiner is leaving now,” you murmur, avoiding Eren’s gaze, embarrassed. “I’m sorry for the commotion.” You turn to head inside, not bothering to wave goodbye to your ex, who stands there, watching you. Eren follows, sneaking glances at Reiner before swiping his ID at the door to let you both in.

“Coco,” he calls out. “Please.”

You ignore him, wiping your tears with the back of your shaky hands, listening to the door shut behind you. 

“Are you okay?” Eren asks, voice calm.

You face him, forcing a weak smile, eyes still wet. “Perfectly fine.” You turn to hurry into your room, overwhelmed and wanting to hide in the safety of your bed forever. 

Before you can, he grabs you gently by the hand, thumb brushing your knuckles. “If you ever need to talk or anything, my door is always open for you.”

You mutter a timid, “Thank you,” then rush down the hall and into your room, heart pounding against your chest. His comforting words replay in your head, trying to replace all that was said between you and Reiner.  

~~~

At the end of the week, Eren hosts a game night in the common room of the dorm building. He’s excited to bond with his residents with pizza from his favorite local Italian joint and some good old-fashioned Mario Kart. He lays the food out on the table and sets up his Nintendo console to the TV, the familiar opening sequence playing on the screen. Then, he patiently waits for his first guest. Fifteen minutes pass and still no one shows up. Where is everybody? 

At the thirty-minute mark, he lays down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. The pizzas are surely lukewarm now, and the same tune playing on the TV is starting to grate on his ears. He texts Mikasa and Armin, complaining about the complete lack of attendees. Immediately, he gets a call from his sister. When he picks up, she states, “Eren, nobody is there because it’s the Friday night after midterms.”

“So?”

“People are getting ready to party. That’s what I’m doing, that’s what Armin is doing. That’s what everyone is doing.” 

Someone in the background yells, “Tell him to come out with us!” It’s Sasha’s voice. 

He groans, realizing his mistake. “I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not. Just come out with us. You deserve a break.”

He considers it for a few seconds, before he replies, “Thanks, but I’m gonna head to bed.”

Sasha boos him. “C’mon, Eren! Join us! It’ll be fun!”

“I’m tired, Sash. Next time.”

Believing she can’t be heard, she whispers to Mikasa, “He always says that.” Well, she’s not wrong. 

Eren bids farewell to his friends, wishing them fun tonight. He lays on the couch for a while longer, trying to not to be too devastated at this failure of an event. Finally standing up, he heads to the table to begin packing.

“Am I too late?”

He turns around, surprised by her voice. The resident from down the hall, Room 104. The girl he’s seen cry at least three times now, the most recent being earlier in the week, outside the dorms. A small confrontation with the guy who Eren assumes is her ex, the cause behind all the tears. He was hoping to run into her soon, to check if she’s doing alright. He’s delighted to find her standing in the doorway, a small smile on her face. 

“Hey,” he greets, waving at her. She steps towards him, inspecting the plethora of food on the table. He rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. “You’re the first person to show up, so we have plenty of food.”

She gives him a sympathetic look, opening the pizza box to grab a slice. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

He grins. “Hey, you’re here, aren’t you? That’s all that matters to me.”

As she settles in on the couch with her food, she explains, “I would have come earlier, but I was helping Annie get ready for a party.”

Eren takes the seat beside her, dropping a piece of pepperoni into his mouth. “I guess everyone really is going out tonight,” he muses, recalling what Mikasa told him earlier. 

“Well, not everyone,” she reminds him, smiling. His chest swells with warmth seeing this side of her. Eyes free of tears, cheeks rounded with happiness, relaxed in his presence. He secretly resents Reiner, or whatever that guy’s name is, for putting her through all the misery she’s had to suffer. 

They eat their pizza, chatting about arbitrary topics like favorite toppings, best local restaurants around the town, even a silly bet about who will beat who in a race. The upbeat melody of the Mario Kart intro still playing in the background is no longer annoying now that Eren has company. 

One box only halfway finished, they wipe their hands clean of pizza grease to start the game, picking their favorite characters. Eren always opts for Yoshi, because of course he’s got to get the green dinosaur. She selects Toad, going on about how adorable she finds him, doing a decent impersonation of his high-pitched, bouncy voice, causing Eren to bust out laughing. They race, moving their bodies along with their controllers, bumping elbows and shoulders with bright smiles on their faces. She nudges him in the ribs when he tosses a red shell at her, knocking her off the course to take first place. He taps her knee with his when he slips on a banana peel she strategically lays out for him. It’s competitive, but not serious, both of them gloating and teasing one another at their victories. After going through most of the courses, they play battle mode, teaming up together to destroy CPUs on the most difficult levels. 

After exhausting most of the game to their heart’s contents, Eren checks his phone, shocked that it’s already past 11 o’clock. He glances at her, checking if she’s ready to leave once they shut down the game. She remains beside him, her attention focused on the piano in the corner of the room. Pointing at it, she asks, “We have a piano in here?”, clearly never noticing it before.

He chuckles. “Yeah we do. Do you play?”

She shakes her head, standing up to approach it, sitting on one side of the bench. He follows her, taking his place next to her. It’s only now that he realizes how close they’ve been all night. His heart starts to beat faster for some reason. 

Finger at a key, she presses on it, filling the room with a very out-of-tune C-note. “Do you play?” she asks.

“Not much, just the basics really. I’m better at guitar.”

“Acoustic?”

“Electric,” he answers, resting his hand on the piano, hovering his fingers over a chord.

“Electric guitar is so cool. I’d love to hear you play sometime.” It’s an innocent suggestion. But for whatever reason, Eren is shy about the idea of her being inside his room, watching him play his guitar. And for a split second, he imagines what other activities they can do with each other, in the privacy of his bedroom. He catches himself, mentally waving away the potentially inappropriate thoughts. 

Desperate to change the subject, he suggests, “Want me to teach you something?”

She nods, eager to learn. He starts his thumb on a C-note. “This is a C-major scale. It starts here,” he presses down, wincing at how out of tune it is. “And then you follow through with the rest of your fingers. That’s a very basic scale, without complicating it too much.”

She does it easily, smiling at the keys in front of her. “Now can you teach me Moonlight Sonata?” she jokes. 

He laughs. “How about Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star instead?”

“Fine,” she says, fake pouting. She’s really cute.

By midnight, she’s perfected the lullaby, enough for the two of them to sing along to it. Even with the notes out of tune, it’s still pleasant to listen to. He then shows her how to play the easiest version of Heart & Soul, a fun duet they manage to practice together within the hour. She’s a quick learner, which he appreciates. After their performance, she looks at him, smiling. “You’re a really good teacher.” 

He brushes his fingers along the keys. “That was my dream job growing up. I always wanted to be a teacher.”

“A music teacher?”

“No, an elementary school science teacher,” he admits. “Thought it’d be so cool to blow their minds with little experiments or facts about the living things.” He stares distantly, a longing grin on his face, fantasizing an imaginary world where he’s pursuing a career he enjoys. 

“So, what made you want to become a doctor instead?” 

At this point, he’s speaking candidly, no longer worried about hiding the truth. He’s comfortable with her. “My dad. He’s a doctor, and it’s pretty much expected of me.”

“Are you enjoying it so far?”

“No, but at the end of the day, I’ll be helping people. And that’s what matters right?” 

There’s a small pause in the conversation as she pushes on one of the keys, the note ringing out in the temporary quiet. “Teachers help people too. More than what society gives them credit for. And besides, no one wants to go to a doctor who isn’t happy being a doctor, right?”

He faces her, processing her statement. “I guess I never thought about that.”

She continues, drumming her fingers lightly on the piano. “You shouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to. If there’s anything I’ve learned these past few months, it’s that forcing yourself to be happy doesn’t actually make you happy. It’s silly to say that out loud, like it’s so obvious. But I’ve made a lot of excuses, pretending I was fine with decisions made on my behalf without my feelings being considered. It was always easier to go along with it, avoid confrontation or an argument. But at what cost? Sacrificing my own happiness? It isn’t worth it, especially when it’s your life that you’re living, nobody else’s.”

This is about her ex. There’s a strong urge to ask her about it, offer a lending ear to listen to what else is on her mind. But he doesn’t question it further. The words she speaks to him resonate. Although they’re both going through different struggles in their lives, she understands him better than he expects her to. Maybe more than anyone in his circle of friends right now. 

“I have a friend who’s an education major. Erwin Smith. His dad is also a teacher. I can give you his contact info if you want to talk to him?” she offers.

“I don’t know,” he responds hesitantly. He’s never considered changing his major. He can already picture the faces his father makes, disdainful and disappointment at his son “downgrading” his career. 

“It doesn’t hurt to have it, right? Just in case?” 

He thinks about it carefully before he eventually relents, whipping his phone out to type out the information she recites to him. She’s right; it doesn’t hurt to have it. It doesn’t mean anything. 

Phone still in his hand, he abruptly blurts out, “We should exchange numbers.” Almost instantly, he regrets it, aware at how inappropriate that would be. But when she grins at him, nodding, he’s immediately relieved. 

“I’m assuming this will be your personal number and not your RA emergency line?” she smirks.

Laughing, he confirms, “Yes, my personal number. I, um, enjoyed hanging out with you tonight. We should definitely do this again.” He passes her his phone as she does the same. 

“You’re teaching me Moonlight Sonata next, remember?” she jokes, tapping her number into his screen.

“Yeah, of course.”

She slips her phone back into her pocket. “Also, if you ever need someone to talk to or listen to you, I’m just down the hall.”

“Hey, that’s supposed to be my line,” he teases, nudging her elbow with his. 

“Well, you’ve helped me out way more than you know, so I want to do the same for you. Rely on me, okay? We’re friends now.”

Outside the room, students begin to stumble through the hall, back from their night of partying. Eren checks his phone, surprised to read 1:35 AM on the screen. “It’s already past 1. I’m sorry for keeping you up.”

“Don’t be. I wanted to be here with you. Thank you for hosting this.”

“Thank you for being the only person to show up.” 

They gaze at each other, smiling. He wants to stay like this a little while longer, but he knows it has to end. At least, for tonight. They’re friends now, and he’ll be able to enjoy that warm, vibrant smile more often, he hopes. 

“Anyways, we should probably sleep soon,” she suggests, glancing at the pizza boxes on the table. “I’ll help you clean up.”

“Thanks. Maybe we can hand some of these out. I bet someone out there has the munchies right now.”

She giggles. “Great idea, Mr. RA.”

They tidy up, clearing the room of trash and putting away the video game console back in Eren’s knapsack. She carries it with her while Eren balances the pizzas in his hands, offering a box to the passing residents that are not-so-discreetly drunk. By the time they make it to his room, he’s only got one left, deeming the event an overall success. Especially now that he’s made a friend from it. 

She sets the bag down on the floor, watching him unlock the door. “I guess this is goodnight,” she says, giving him a small wave as she begins to step backwards down the hall, facing him.

“Yeah. I guess it is. Sweet dreams, okay?”

“Sweet dreams, Eren,” she repeats, turning on her heel to walk to her room. 

~~~

You lay in bed, listening to Annie’s drunken snores beside you, mind focused on your new friend Eren. Snuggling closer to your pillow, you smile to yourself, happy for the first time in what feels like forever. It’s the most fun you’ve had this semester, and most importantly, it’s the longest you’ve gone without sulking about Reiner. 

It’s in this moment that you realize the baby steps you’ve taken so far don’t seem so small anymore. Things are finally starting to look up. 

Taglist:

@batafuraikisu @bloompompom @monirei @filunara @katestrophes @ichinosejager13 @hoperenae @zellskz @e-ayyy @liliorsstuff-blog @maliakealoha @holdmeclosebutdontloveme @chrollohearttags @sailorputa @squickkk @dnyllmh @hellomeow12 @s-cream-ing @potofstewie @conniesbbymama @erzascarlett28 @lem-hhn @roronoazorosbxtchh @ichigostrawberry15 @rhaelrence @lilshades @bigmoodyjoody @icansmellsouls @aangsupremacy @ashsauroras @bakuhoes-bxtch @mrs-wolfwood @si-kamo @jmtherula @imaddicted-b @monkemanjeager @neesiewrote @large-juice @chiinni @belovedackerman

[gretavangroupie]

The Ripe and The Ruin (Chapter 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader, OC x Reader

Word Count: 19.8k

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Smoking, Angst, Anxiety, Embarrassment, Lying, Sexual Themes, Kissing, Oral M! Receiving, Protected Sex.

Find the Playlist Here: Apple Music | Spotify

A new series in collaboration with my talented co-writer @gretavanmoon.

"Like all good fruit, the balance of life is in the ripe and ruin."

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS

HER POV

The heat of your breath is fogging up the windows of the van as you drift in and out of a dazy snooze. The morning has already been long, with a wake-up time of 3:30AM to be on the van to the airport by 4:00AM. The flight to Amsterdam from Hamburg was short, only a little over an hour long, thank goodness. However, now all you can think about is getting checked into your hotel room and crashing back out for a couple of hours before you have to wake up again. 

Paul, Wes, and Corri are occupying the seats toward the front of the van, and you’re thankful you can let your head rest on the window in peace. Your AirPods are stuck in your ears with the volume just loud enough that you could hear if one of them spoke to you, but still enough to fully enjoy the music floating through your ears. You don’t even dare listen to the playlist Jake made for you, it almost puts a sour taste in your mouth just looking at it, especially after what happened last night. 

Of course Josh caught you. Of course it had to be him. But what is really still throwing you for a loop is why Josh felt he had to keep the encounter such a secret, locking his lips and doing away with the key. 

Jake hadn’t said anything about your last addition of ‘High and Dry’, but you chalked it up to him just wanting to diffuse the situation after you left the bar, alone. You thought he might walk you back, given the situation you’d found yourself in just two nights prior, but he didn’t. He stayed, and let you go. And thankfully you’d made it back safely by yourself. 

The more you think about it, the more you realize Jake had plenty of time to text a quick ‘Sorry about that’ or ‘We’ll talk tomorrow, goodnight…’ but he didn’t. Again. Just left you….high and dry. And what made it even worse was that as you were trying to fall asleep in your hotel room last night, you heard the faint sound of the song playing out in the hallway. Jake was coming back to his room, listening to the song you added for him as he meandered closer and closer. But instead of a knock on your door, all you heard was the latch of his closing. 

You find yourself feeling a little pissed off, because the moment you shared in the dark bathroom really felt like something. It was…very fucking hot, if you’re being honest. He felt good. He felt strong, and sturdy, but also gentle and delicate when he needed to be. You can almost still feel how he felt between your legs, pressed up against you as you sat on the edge of the sink. His hands on your back, mouth on your neck, fingertips digging into your thighs….

“Y/N! Let’s get out of here!” You hear Corri’s brash voice wake you from your rated-R daydream, and you have to blink a few times to get the image of Jake all over you out of your head. You stretch a little and pull the music from your ears as the cab light comes on, and the four of you exit the van. You check into your far too luxurious hotel room, and crash onto the bed without even bothering to change your clothes. 

—

Your alarm startles you two hours later, and surprisingly the cat nap has you feeling extremely refreshed. You jump from the bed and pull the curtains on the window, showing you the scene of a cloudy Amsterdam from your fourth-story room. You can feel the cold air moving through the window, and you know it’s going to be another bitterly chilly day. 

After a quick rinse-shower, you sit back on the bed to check your phone and emails and see you have a text from an unknown number from just ten minutes ago.

Unknown

9:02AM: Hey! We’re going to go see the city and walk around a little, you want to go?

You deduce that it is probably Mia or Lyla, and you contemplate on whether or not you want to even move from your bed today. But after a little thought, and another glance to the sun barely peeking through the clouds, you decide, why the hell not. You don’t want to see Jake, really, but the regret you’d feel for not seeing Amsterdam while you’re here would probably be worse. You send up a quick prayer that Josh will keep your secret today, and not make things any more awkward than they already are. 

You

9:04AM: Hey, sure! I’d love to 😊

Unknown

9:05AM: Cool! We’re leaving in an hour, we’ll meet up in the lobby. Dress warm!

9:05AM: This is Lyla, btw

You

9:06AM: Sounds great, see you in a bit

You lock your phone and stand up to finish getting dressed, adding on a few more layers to your already warm attire. Your stomach churns with nerves, but you’re excited to see the city and maybe get to know the girls a little better. Plus, Ruth is begging you for photos. 

Speaking of Ruth…

You grab your phone and pull it from the charging cord, bringing up her contact for a FaceTime call. It rings out, and you press your eyeball directly to the front camera lens.

“Shit, what the hell, cyclops!” She yells as you pull away snickering. 

“Why is it so dark in your room?” you ask, realizing you hadn’t even thought about the time difference. 

“Because it’s two o’clock in the fuckin’ morning here, dimwit! I answered because you scared me. Are you okay?” she spouts off with her voice cracking from sleep. 

“Shit, I’m sorry. Yes, I’m fine,” you laugh a little as she rubs her eyes in the light of her phone screen. “I’m in Amsterdam, thought I’d give you a rundown but, you need to go back to sleep,” you say. 

“Ugh, if I didn’t have to wake up in three hours for work I would disagree with you. Yeah, just text me. Actually no, that will take too long. Send voice memos. Or a video or something.”

You take a quick breath. “I have a lot to tell you, Ruthie.”

“Fuck, seriously? Damn it, just…send something I don’t care. I gotta know. Is it bad news? It’s good news, right?” she goes on.

You roll your eyes a bit as you place your fingers over your mouth. “It’s…a lot. Good and, well not the best. Go back to sleep. I love you.”

“Kay nighty night.” Her last words were said with her eyes closed, and you know for a fact she’s already drifted back off into her slumber. 

You plop onto your bed and scroll social media for a few minutes as you try to kill time, feeling your stomach start to growl and grumble against the mattress below you. 

Maybe you should you add a song? 

No… You’d be seeing Jake in the next little bit, and you were the last one to make contact. This is up to him, if he even wants to. You stand and grab up your long, heavy coat, making sure you have everything you need for the day before taking off to the lobby to grab a quick breakfast and wait on everyone else. 

—

JAKE POV

The music swirling through the steamy air comes to a close as you spin the handle on the shower faucet, the water slowly trickling to a stop. The song she sent last night has been stuck in your head since you hung up with Isla, and you have let it be the soundtrack to your life in the hours since. You spent nearly the entire shower thinking about Y/N, listening along to the track and letting it seep into your bones. You thought about her, and only her for the past few days now. How you left her last night, and how you have yet to speak to her since. Even the plane ride this morning was spent in silence. You knew you needed to answer her song, say something to explain yourself. You were going to, you just had to figure it out, and now that you had time to sit down and think about it, uninterrupted, you would. 

Get out, dry off, get dressed and answer her. You had a plan, and you were sticking to it. 

You step out of the large walk in shower, wrapping the fluffy white towel around your waist. You take a second to look at your surroundings, remembering how only a few years ago you were all bringing towels from home, feeling lucky enough to shower in a rundown Motel 6 bathroom in the middle of nowhere. Your life had changed drastically in a matter of years, and it wasn’t long into that success when you first met Isla. 

She was a vision of auburn hair as she swept through the bar that night, so light and so carefree. You could see why Lyla and Sam had befriended her, her personality very much the same as theirs. It wasn’t long after that night that the two of you started seeing each other, things quickly becoming serious. A year later she moved into your house. It was like she was always there, making the space her own and sharing her days with you. She was with you as the band really started to make moves, never once complaining about the late nights or the long stretches of tour, that is, until she did. 

Things started to change last summer. The once light and vibrant girl you fell in love with had become catty and accusatory, her light burning out and her desire to be something other than your girlfriend dwindling away to nothing. It became her, consumed her, and suddenly you became an accessory instead of a partner. Nothing seemed to satisfy her anymore, and the time you could give her was never enough. She reminded you of that, often, as if there was anything you could do to change it. You fought like cats and dogs on any given day, each argument always ending in a band-aid resolution that never got you anywhere. 

There were the big ones, the ones that would have you on the couch at Josh’s or in the guest room at Sam’s. The ones they didn’t ask about because they knew better, instead opening their homes and lending their liquor cabinet. The ones that you didn’t dare mention, even months after the fact, for fear of starting it all over again. Those fights started to get closer and closer together, until you found yourself almost needing to chip in for your brothers’ mortgage payments.

You knew it was done. You knew it was over, but the problem wasn’t that you couldn’t do it. No, the problem was that every time you would try, it wouldn’t stick. Listening to her tell you that your reasons were never good enough, or that it would be too hard to end things before you left. It was always before you left, and this time was no different. 

Your phone buzzing on the bathroom counter snaps you back to reality, watching as it slowly inches its way closer and closer to the edge. You snatch it up as your hair drips down your back, sliding your finger across the glass as you scoff at the name on the Caller ID.

“Hello, Josh.”

“Oh, so they didn’t invite you either? Assholes…” he grumbles under his breath. 

“Invite me where? Who?” you ask, making your way back into the room.

“Sam and Daniel, and the girls I guess…” he pauses, “Just checked their location to see if they wanted to get brunch and they fucked off into town without us. Not even an invite.” 

“Really?” you ask, pulling your phone away from your ear to check your texts. “Shit, yeah, I didn’t get a text from them either. Though, I did tell them I was gonna catch a few more hours of sleep when we got here. Can’t you just go with Ty?” You groan, knowing you really planned to stay in your room all day and binge watch Criminal Minds.

“No. He went for a massage a little while ago, so now you have to go with me,” he says matter of factly. 

“Do I? I don’t think I do, actually.”

“No, you do, it’s in the rule book,” he answers, an air of playfulness in his voice. 

“The rule book…Don’t think I got one of those,” you joke, pulling on a pair of boxers. 

“Yeah, they give it to the head twin, you know, the first one out,” he laughs. “I’m in charge, the book says so, and I say brunch with a Mimosa. If you’re good I’ll even get you a Bloody Mary, my treat. Meet me downstairs in like fifteen,” he says, ending the call before you even have a chance to decline. Fucker, he knew you too well. 

You quickly dress yourself, checking your phone no less than five times just to see if maybe she had said something, but still there is silence. Your plan has officially gone to shit, no surprise there. You promised yourself you’d do it when you got back. No excuses. You huff out a sigh as you spray your cologne, grabbing your wallet and your phone and shoving them into your coat pocket. You make your way downstairs to meet Josh, finding him lounging in a wingback chair nearly double his size. 

“Let’s go before I change my mind,” you offer, watching him spring out of the chair, his white Nike’s scuffing loudly against the marble tiles. 

“Did you text Dean?” you ask, pushing open the glass doors. 

“Yeah, the place I want to go is just a block away, said to call him if we need him but keep our wits about us. Told him I would, but can’t speak for you since you don’t have any.”

You stop walking and start to turn around, definitely not in the headspace for his antics today. He stops too, and you feel him grab your arm and sling you back in the right direction. 

“Alright, alright, sheesh, no games today, got it,” he says, feigning guilt. 

You walk in silence the rest of the way, ducking into a little cafe with a heated patio. You felt like you hadn’t seen the sun in days and both of you quickly agree that the patio might be your only chance. 

Your eyes scan the menu, looking for any words that seem familiar to you. You’re about half way through it when Josh pulls your menu down and looks you in the eye. You know what he wants, and you know you have to tell him, but you need a drink first, at the very minimum. 

Saved by the bell your waiter comes to your table, taking your drink orders and rushing off before you could blink. 

As expected the grilling starts, and much to your dismay you are alone on the patio with no chance of anyone hearing the two of you bicker.

“Alright Jake, I let you sleep on it. Time to talk,” he starts, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You rub your hand over your face, truly not knowing where to begin. You let out a sigh, and he seems to pick up on your inner turmoil. 

“Start wherever, but I would probably choose the beginning.”

You move your fingers to your lips, looking at him with challenging eyes “What is it exactly that you want to know, Josh? I mean–”

“Cut the shit, Jake. What is going on? I want everything, top to bottom, now,” he snaps, aggression present in his tone. 

“You’re mad for no fuckin’ reason, Josh!”

“No, I’m mad for great reason, Jake! You’re out here fucking around with our runner, two days into the tour mind you, while your girlfriend is back in Nashville living in your home!” he seethes, his fists clenched tightly on top of the white tablecloth. 

Your blood is boiling as he finishes his tirade. “Knock it the fuck off, you know damn good and well she is not my girlfriend anymore!”

“Do I? Do I, Jake? Last I heard, you were ‘easing off for a little bit’...” he replies, gesturing air quotes.

“Do you honestly think that I would have been living in your house for the last month if we were ‘just ‘easing off’? You retort, gesturing the same air quotes. 

Josh sits back in his chair a little, his aggression backing off just a little bit, enough for you to keep talking. “Explain.”

You blow out a breath of frustration, “She doesn’t get it, Josh. I can’t seem to get it through her head.”

“What?”

You bite your lips together before you answer, “I have tried to end things no less than five times in the last few months. There’s always some reason… Always something that…Fuck, I don’t know. It just never sticks. She won’t hear it,” you pause, “I was serious this time though, Josh. I told her point blank, I do not want to be together anymore. It was like I was speaking fucking Latin, she refused to hear me. We were up the entire night arguing, man. It’s… It’s just so done, and I’m the only one who can see it apparently.”

“So if she won’t accept it, you’re still technically together, though? She’s still in the house?” he asks, rubbing his fingers over his beard. 

“Yeah, I mean, I guess? But also, No? The only way I could get the fuck out of that house in time to make it on the plane, was by agreeing to a ‘break’. But it’s not a break. I’m done, she knows I’m done. Told her she could still live in the house for a bit until she found her own place, but I told her, point blank, we needed to separate. No contact. You can see how that is going for her.”

“Does she know that you are…you know, seeing other people?” he asks, a bit of hesitancy in his voice. 

“Am I supposed to care? We aren’t together!” you argue. 

“But you kind of are Jacob!” he spits, “Look, I’m not trying to like, take her side here or whatever, but if she is under the impression you two are only on a break, I highly doubt she would be okay with you seeing other people. You’ll be labeled a cheater and god knows what else if she catches wind.”

“This is the messiest shit I have ever been a part of. I swear to god…” you groan, rubbing your hand over your face. “I seriously never thought I would find myself going through something like this.”

His brows pinch together in confusion, “So why didn’t you just say straight up, I want to separate, please move out of my home?”

“I mean, I kind of did, I think. It’s so much more complicated when you’ve been together as long as we have. We’ve had the exact same argument hundreds of times, that’s no exaggeration. She lives with me, man… I can’t just expect her to move out overnight, ya know? Which is why I agreed to the break. To give her time to…Get her shit together, I guess. But she knows I’m out. She has to know.”

“But she is still calling and texting you daily?” he asks. 

“All fucking day everyday. I never reply, and she still continues. As if– as if nothing ever happened. Like I said, she is just not getting it,” you explain. “Every time I would come stay at your place, she would just… come up with some reason, or some excuse to get me to come home for a few nights. We would just bandaid the problem, until it just exploded again and I’d end up back at your house or at Sam’s. But I had to be careful at Sam’s because Lyla is her best fuckin’ friend. You’d think she would have caught the drift after so many nights of me crashing there that things weren’t good. I don’t know, I hate this shit, I have suffered long enough. I want out. And I fear that when we get home, I might have to take more drastic measures. And I don’t want that shit, either.”

“So things are a lot worse than you initially led on…” he states, shaking his head as he sips from his glass. 

“Yeah, I guess so. Shit’s embarrassing, man. It’s rocky as hell and I don’t know what to do. I obviously still care for her as a person, but I just can’t do this with her anymore. I thought this time and space away from each other would help me get my head right and find a way to sort this shit out, but it seems like it’s only gotten worse and even more complicated since even a month ago, before we ever even left,” you continue. 

“And now there’s Y/N…” he grimaces, truly starting to understand your predicament. “I mean, it’s really only been, what, two days?”

You let out a sigh and shake your head, “Yeah, yeah. But I can honestly say that I have felt more in the last two days for Y/N than I have felt for Isla in the last year.”

“Do you think maybe… She’s…just a distraction from your real feelings? Like a space filler type of thing while you figure out shit with Isla?” he asks, broaching the subject very gently. “To be fair, I don’t blame you at all, she’s really gorgeous and a lovely girl from the little I’ve talked to her.”

“I know it looks that way, trust me. I do. But, no… It’s something else. I know it's only been two days, but there is something there, and I have to explore it,” you admit. “Like I said, I feel things I haven’t felt in so long. Not just physical things, either. And yeah, I know she works for us, and shit, but I– It was about two minutes into that plane ride that I knew it didn’t matter. I had to get to know her.”

“Answer me this, do you still love Isla?” he asks, leaning his elbows onto the table as he gives you that horribly painful twin stare that you both can only give to one another. The kind that pulls the truth from you no matter how badly you might not want to admit it. 

“I mean, I love her as a person, but no, I haven’t been in love with her in some time,” you confess. 

“In your mind is there any chance of reconciliation?” 

Your mind flashes through a hundred scenes of screaming fights, thrown objects, tears and accusations, “No. Not anymore,” you pause, rubbing your lips. “A week ago if you asked me that, I might have said maybe. It would be so easy to fall back into the good routine we had, everything would be good again for a little while at least, but it would change and we would be back to where we are now. Endless fuckin’ cycle. I can’t do that my whole life, Josh. I don’t deserve that. I was so excited about this leg of tour, just because she wasn’t coming. I could be alone and not go to bed mad and arguing every night. Do you know how fucked that is? That is not how I should feel about the person I am supposedly in love with. I should want her here, and I just don’t.”

He nods his head in agreement, sucking his teeth with a hiss. 

“Two days with Y/N has proven to me just how unhappy I am in that relationship with Isla. How much I’m just…not in love with her anymore. It only confirms my decision,” you admit. 

“So she’s calling and stuff to try and keep you strung along… So that you’ll come home and pick right back up on this nasty cycle the two of you are in…” he questions. 

“Basically. Which is why I refuse to engage with it. She can text all she wants, I’m not answering her,” you snap. “Things aren’t black and white for her, they are very gray and for me they are stark white. I don’t know how to make it more clear.”

He drops his head and looks up at you as he leans on his elbows again, “Look, I’m sorry. I had no idea. I won’t say anything to anyone about last night, or whatever is going on with you and Y/N. I want you to be happy, and I can tell you haven’t been in a long time. I’m just really sorry I was such an ass. I wish you would have talked to me, you know, like we used to.”

“I know, I know. It’s my own pride that stopped me. I just, I feel like I'm on the precipice of being happy again, I just have to keep following it, even if it looks really bad from the outside,” you pause, “Also, you guys have to stop picking on her, she is innocent in all of this. She already thinks you guys don’t like her.”

“Oh, that's just not true, we all like her a lot, you have to tell her we don’t mean it,” he laughs, tilting his head to the side as he tosses back the rest of his mimosa. “Wait, does she know about Isla?”

“No, absolutely not,” you answer a little too quickly. 

“Are you… planning on telling her?” 

“Honestly, I haven’t really thought that far ahead, I mean, I know I need to. I wasn’t really planning on Isla blowing my phone up day and night. Guess I should have known better, huh?” you laugh, offering him a small smile. 

“You need to tell her, Jake. Don’t fuck it up before you even get things started,” he offers. 

“Don’t you know that’s my specialty?” you ask, sipping your spicy bloody mary. “I mean, last night is a whole other problem. When you saw us out there I had every intention of leaving that bar with her and taking her back to the hotel. It was all I could think about. But then you were out there with my phone and the shit with Isla. Fuck…I panicked. I just sent her back to the hotel. Left her out to dry like a fucking prick. Haven’t spoken to her since. She probably wants nothing to do with me at this point.”

“No, no I doubt that. She’s probably a little hurt, maybe a little confused, but I think she will come around. I saw the way she was looking at you last night,” he smiles. “But Jake, seriously. You have to tell her about Isla.”

“God, I know it just, why would I even be thinking about Isla when I’m with her? I swear it’s like none of it exists when we are with each other. Everything is easy.”

“Sounds like you found yourself someone special,” he smiles. 

“I think you’re right.”

—

HER POV

The morning had been spent walking up and down the streets of Amsterdam, getting lost and finding your way again over and over as you navigated the map app on Danny’s phone. To your surprise, Jake and Josh hadn’t joined you. Just you, Sam, Danny, Lyla and Mia. It felt a little strange at first, and you felt the fifth-wheel anxiety hit you hard as you trailed behind them, the two couples happy and holding hands as you all explored. But luckily, at the last second, Dean joined you on the excursion, insisting that five of you needed an escort. 

You’d taken the time to speak to Dean and get to know him a little; he’s a big burly man with cheeks that stay red and a beard and mustache that hide his mouth. He’s middle aged, and a man of few words, but you were determined to break through his exterior just a little bit, seeing as how he is one of your coworkers. 

Now, as you all are heading back to the hotel with your arms full of various shopping bags and leftover food cart goodies, the conversation you’d worked so hard to start up with Dean is flowing freely. The two of you converse about the job, about travel, about where each of you are from and how you got hooked up with these crazy four. He’s fairly easy to talk to, and you find yourself very calm in his presence. 

“I heard about what went down at the restaurant the other night, Ms. Y/N. I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he admits as you watch Lyla and Mia pull the guys into a tiny boutique.

“Oh, no need to apologize,” you respond, a little surprised, “It was no big deal, really. I made a stupid mistake by going out alone that late, I learned my lesson. Just glad Jake was able to come help me out.”

“Still, it’s one of my responsibilities to make sure everyone is safe. Mr. Jacob made it very clear that you’re on that list, too.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and pushes a few buttons before speaking again. “I’m gonna get your number right now, so you never find yourself in a situation like that again.” You nod as you agree, knowing that you should have had his number saved a long time ago. You switch phones with him as you each enter your respective numbers, and he smiles as he locks his, pushing it back into the pocket of his coat. It hits you that Jake must have had a conversation with him.

“We’ve got more security coming, I’m sure you’ve heard. They should be here within the next few days. This is usually a one man job, but… I guess as the band gets more and more popular, these kinds of things just need to naturally grow along with them,” he explains, keeping his head on a swivel as he eyes each of them inside the store. “Turns into a team effort.”

You nod, pushing your windblown hair behind your ear before shoving your freezing hand back in your pocket. “I did hear about that. Bet it brings everyone peace of mind having more hands on deck, especially you,” you offer.

“Mmhm,” he replies, “Most definitely. I’ve met these guys before, think everybody will like them. Real straightforward outfit. I’m their head of security, but with the way this group operates, they’re probably gonna be calling most of the shots, if not all of them.” He sucks his teeth, and you can’t tell if he’s irked or maybe, a little bit relieved to have the help. 

“You gonna be alright with that?” you press, hoping you’re not stepping on his toes. 

He shrugs one shoulder, and you can see his eyes darting around behind his sunglasses. “I’m only one guy, Ms. Y/N.” His response is blunt, so you decide to leave it at that. 

You take a second to browse the boutique, meeting up again with Lyla and Mia and gushing over sweaters and dresses that none of you could ever afford, and for the first time in two days, you’d gone more than half an hour without thinking about Jake. As soon as the memory of him and what happened last night flows back into your brain, you almost double over with a strange anxiety. You pull out your phone again, checking to see if he has texted at all, or added anything to the playlist, but you’re met with nothing. Nothing.

“Let’s go get a drink or something!” Mia finally suggests to the group as you congregate in front of the store on the sidewalk, and everyone agrees. “Danny baby, pull up somewhere to go.”

“Let’s just take off walking again, we passed like fifty pubs on the way here,” he argues, bursting through the group and walking down the sidewalk again. The tension feels like it has dissipated for the most part; you have to admit that at first you were still a little worried that things might be a little strange between all of you. But as soon as you all got a couple of drinks in you, the anxiety melts away, and you find yourself laughing along and fitting right in with them. The girls are really cool, and Danny and Sam together keep the conversation going with ease.

An hour or so later, you’re unlocking your hotel door and stripping the layers of clothing off as you now have gotten a little sweaty from the heat mixed with the alcohol. The sun had popped out a little, only adding to your need for a giant bottle of water, and to relax across your bed. As you scroll social media and flick through TV channels in languages you can’t understand, you find your mind drifting back to Jake again. At this point, you know he isn’t going to text. He isn’t going to call, he isn’t going to add another song. If he was going to, he would have by now. You swallow down the realization, flipping to your back to push a pillow over your face. You think about calling Ruth, but at the same time, you hardly even feel like talking about it. 

Just as you're about to scream into the void, you hear a knock at your door. Who in the world? You stand up and adjust your clothing and hair, expecting Corri or Paul to be delivering you some information in person. You unlatch the deadbolt and swing the door open, finding none other than Jake leaning with one hand on your door frame, and the other gripping a single deep burgundy flower. 

“Hey…” he mumbles, biting his lip. 

“Hey, sorry, I wasn’t expecting you…” you fumble over your words, not only because you hadn’t spoken all day, but because he looked so overwhelmingly delicious standing there effortlessly dripping sex in your doorway that you almost catch yourself drooling. Loose, dark slacks, a black button up revealing his chest, his hair freshly washed and still damp around the roots… His skin is still glowing from the heat of his shower, and you can smell his body wash mixed in with that damn cologne he apparently carries with him everywhere. Your eyes flick to the flower hanging loosely from his fingertips before meeting his eyes again.

“I know, I should have called first, ‘m sorry…” he stumbles, pulling his hand from his pocket and swiping it across his nose. 

“No no, it’s fine, um… did you need… you wanna come inside?” you weren’t quite sure what to offer at this point; he wouldn’t have shown up if he didn’t want to talk.

He stands up straight now, smoothing his hands over his shirt and then placing them both in his pockets. “No, actually, I came by to see if you would want to go on a walk with me,” he asks, a shyness in his tone that feels new to you. “And to bring you this.”

He extends his hand, offering you the dark red flower, multi petaled and fragrant. “Saw it earlier at a flower stand and I…I don’t know, I thought of you. Thought you should have it.”

You accept it from his fingers, bringing it to your nose to take in its earthy smell, “It’s beautiful, what is it?”

“It’s a Dahlia, I believe. The vendor said it was a Black Dahlia, but it looks dark red to me. I don’t know, I just thought it was pretty. Thought of you.” he smiles nervously. You stare at him as you twist the flower under your nose and think about his question. 

“So, a walk?” you reiterate, finding the idea both exhausting and appealing, seeing as how you had just gotten back from an extremely lengthy one with everyone else. “I really should stay in tonight, I… dunno…”

“Please?” he asks, squinting his eyes. “Just a short one, we don’t have to go far. I just– I saw something cool today, and I thought you might like to see it, too. Wanna show you…”

You huff a little as you lean your head on the edge of the open door. His eyes are pleading, and you can tell there’s more to his little plan than simply showing you something.

Maybe he wants to talk. Maybe he wants to explain things… sort it all out…

“Okay. We can go. But, I have to get dressed first,” you say, already dreading putting all those layers back on, but not feeling so bad about it because now you’ll be with him. You feel a little reluctant, the pissed-off feeling you’d had all day still lying heavily present in your mind. But, he’s making an effort, at least…

“Take your time. I’m just a floor up, 507,” he starts to back away, the tiniest satisfied grin forming on his face. His eyes travel up and down your body so fast you almost miss it. “Just come knock when you’re ready.” 

You close the door as he rounds the corner to the elevator, and you can’t help but feel that rush of nerves fly up your body again. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he came to your door. With a flower. God, what a gentleman. You place the flower on the dresser, your heart pounding at the sweet gesture. You rush into the bathroom to freshen everything up and spruce your tangled hair, brushing some powder across your face and adding a little more mascara. You re-apply your favorite perfume to your wrists and neck, taking a little extra time to make sure you looked presentable in the full-length mirror on the wall. 

When you feel as if your appearance is as good as it's gonna get, you sit on your bed, wanting to make Jake wait for you just a little bit longer. You go ahead and pull up a facetime call with Ruth, waiting for the tone to ring out. 

The screen opens with Ruth holding up one finger, mouthing for you to hang on as she finishes out what looks to be a very annoying phone call with a client. She spins in her chair as she rolls her eyes, letting her head look at the ceiling as she uses her formal, professional voice to end the call.

“...You have an excellent day, ma’am. Mhm. Thank you, Buh-bye,” she presses a button on her phone and rips her headset off, fumbling for her airpods as she picks up her phone. “Oh my GOD today has been insane and I hate everything,” she complains as you watch the screen fill up with her face, and you hear the sound of her acrylic nails tapping all over her screen. You patiently wait, watching her loudly chew her gum, knowing that she has to clear away her notifications before she can even begin to have an uninterrupted conversation with you. “Okay I’m ready what the fuck has happened?!” 

You laugh, giving her the rundown of everything that happened since you last spoke, her facial expressions letting you know she is hanging on your every word. “...And now, he just showed up at my fucking door, and asked me on a date, I guess? After basically dry humping me in the bathroom then sending me home without another word,” you finish, whispering your words as if he could hear you. “I dunno, Ruth. Should I even go?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Yes you should go. Give him a chance to explain, at least. He wouldn’t have shown up to your door if he didn’t really want you to come, ya know?” she says, immediately noticing her word choice, and slyly smiling as she bounced her eyebrows.  

“Shut the fuck up. Ugh, yeah, you’re right. Does this outfit look okay?” you stand back and flip the camera around showing her yourself in the mirror. 

“Slayyyyyyyy that jacket is hot, where on earth did you even get it?!” she rolls her eyes. 

“From you. For my birthday. When you found out I was going to a colder climate,” you laugh. “Okay, I'm gonna go, I guess. I’ll text you later.”

“Live updates, please. I want to know the way this man ticks,” she teases.

“Shut up. Bye.” You end the call and grab your purse, making sure your room key is in your bag. You also make sure to grab the jacket Jake sent you home in last night, not able to bear another second staring at it draped across the back of the chair. 

—

“Thought you might want this back,” you say when Jake opens the door, taking the coat from your outstretched hand.

He smirks as he takes it, tossing it behind him to land on some unknown surface. “Looks better on you, but it’s one of only three jackets I brought with me.” You both laugh a little as you make your way down the hall and to the elevator. The whole ride down is silent, with both of you standing at opposite sides, more or less feeling no shame in drinking the other in. His arms and ankles are crossed as the elevator descends, and you can feel his eyes boring into you. 

“You look really nice today,” he offers as you exit the lobby and head back out into the freezing cold air. 

“Thank you,” you reply shyly, feeling the blush creep to your cheeks. “So do you…” you wanted to gush about how perfectly his hair is sitting around his face, how his shirt and jacket are hanging across his shoulders, how poised he just always seems to be without even trying… but you don’t. You hope to god you don’t run into any of his brothers, or anyone that you work with; coming up with an explanation why the two of you are out alone together again is something you truly don’t feel like dealing with right now. “So where are we going?”

“It’s called The Jordaan. It’s a really old neighborhood, with a canal going through the center. Bunch of little shops and stuff. Did you guys walk this way this morning?” you notice the lilt in his voice. 

You shake your head. “No, we went the opposite way,” you answer. It’s quiet for just a minute more as you pass by the crowds and other people on the streets. “Why didn’t you and Josh come along?”

He takes a quick breath. “Eh, we didn’t really receive an invite, honestly,” he laughs, stroking his fingers over his mustache. “Had to be Lyla or Mia’s idea to go, if I had to guess.” He was right, but you still felt bad. “But it was okay, me and Josh went to eat and got to… talk a little without the interruption of the other two. Kinda rare these days,” he smiles, and his knuckles brush across yours just barely. The light touch sends your bloodstream to a raging fire, and you have to stifle down the pull to grab his hand altogether. 

The sun is peeking through the heavy cloud cover of the evening, and you find yourself staring at the way Jake’s pulled his sunglasses to sit on top of his head, letting the gleam of the sunlight bounce into his mocha colored irises. He looks you in the eye each and every time he speaks, and commands your complete attention away from everything else around you. You’re pulled into him, letting your bodies barely touch and move together as you walk along. This attraction feels different than the heated, blurry, intense pull you had to one another last night. This feels innocent, even though you both know that it’s anything but. 

You turn a corner as you come along to the long line of homes and buildings, multicolored and old in their exteriors but, still holding just the right amount of charm to be an attraction. You catch yourself looking above to see the craftsmanship of them. “Wow…” you exclaim quietly as you peer up at the finely detailed architecture, staring in awe at the shape they are still in. You pull your phone from your pocket and start to take photos, zooming in on the details and making a mental note to send them straight to Ruth later. 

You walk up onto a little footbridge lined with parked bikes and people stopped to take photos. Suddenly Jake is behind you, barely resting his chin on your shoulder. “Gimme your phone, let me take your picture,” he murmurs in your ear. 

“Oh no, that’s okay…” Before the words can even escape your lips, he’s snatched your phone and started backing up, glancing behind him and back to your phone every few seconds. 

“You’re really good at taking my phone away and doing whatever you want with it, you know!” you yell at him in aggravation. 

He motions his free hand for you to scoot sideways, and then again for you to stop where you are. He snaps a few, turning the phone on its side to get every angle he can. You stand a bit awkwardly, hating that people are having to stop when they notice they are walking in line of the photo. Finally he finishes and rushes back over to you. “They look good! See?” he says, handing your phone back and swiping through them with you. “Now you’ll have record.”

You walk past a few secondhand shops and stores, and suddenly, something in one of the windows catches your eye. “Oh my god, look at that!” you squeal, pointing to a glimmering red dress sitting perfectly on a mannequin. It isn’t like any dress you’d seen before; it looks vintage, bright cherry red velvet with sewn-in sequins weaved throughout. It’s tight, but not too tight, and short and lacking fabric in all the right places. 

“Damn, you should go try it on!” Jake exclaims, obviously agreeing with your surprise at how pretty it is. 

“Nah, I shouldn’t…” you say, walking away from the window. 

“No, you should, actually. That dress is hot, Y/N,” he says, elbowing you in the ribs. “And I think you’d make it a hundred times hotter.”

You scoff. “Be quiet, no I would not.”

“Prove me wrong, then,” he challenges with a smirk, opening the door to the shop, and holding his hand out to invite you inside. 

You step inside, and are immediately greeted by a man dressed in a formal tuxedo. He notices that you are not local during his greeting, and switches to rough English.

“Eyeballing the red number, are you madam? Give me one second, I’ll grab it off the mannequin for you,” you and Jake lock eyes as the man flits away, straight for the window. He raises his eyebrows in anticipation and gives you a grin so adorable you almost melt into putty right there in the store. 

“Here you are ma’am, please, be careful, very old dress,” he explains, handing you the dress on a hanger and opening a curtain for you to go behind. 

“Go ahead,” Jake mouths, pushing you into the small dressing room. 

You stand almost naked in front of the mirror as you slip the soft, tight fabric over your thighs, your stomach, and finally over your shoulders. Jake was right, it fits you perfectly. The velvet material snatches your waist and bust, and cuts right above your knee. Its sequins shimmer in the overhead light, but aren’t so overwhelming that it looks showy. It’s something you could dress up, or dress down. You reach behind you and pull the zipper up only halfway. Of course.

You take a deep breath and pull the curtain back, finding Jake to have taken a seat on a plush maroon ottoman. His jaw drops as you walk toward him, and yet again, you feel the heat rise in your face. You continue walking toward him, turning at the last second with your back to him, pulling your hair to the side. “Finish doing me up?” you say, immediately realizing that could be taken in a way you didn’t really mean. But also kind of mean, if you’re being honest. 

You hear him swallow and he stands, and feel his warm hand slowly grip the zipper and pull it up, his other hand resting gently on the back of your hip, this thumb barely squeezing at the muscle. He takes his time, moving the zipper at the slowest pace imaginable. “Everything alright back there?” you whisper over your shoulder, hearing your own voice tremble. 

You hear the air push from his nose as he leans in a little closer. “Just taking my time… might be the only time I get to touch you this way…”

Your eyelids flutter closed at his words. You lick your lips, trying to calm your second heartbeat. “What makes you think this will be the only time?”

He finishes the zip, spinning you to turn and face him. He shrugs one shoulder. “Just don’t wanna get my hopes up,” he growls. “Take that as a compliment…if you wear that out in public, I wouldn’t stand a chance against the hordes of guys that would be following you around.”

You scoff at him, and the absolute absurdity of his statement. He has no idea how pretty he is, does he?

“Shh. That’s a lie,” you say as you turn back and motion for him to unzip you. He does, this time with a little more haste. You make your way back into the dressing room and switch back into your clothing, hanging the beautiful specimen back on the hanger the man had provided you with. 

“What? You’re not getting it?!” Jake stands as you make your way back toward the employee.

“No, Jake! I can’t buy that! It’s too–”

“Perfect? Because you looked… I–I can’t even explain… You have to get it, Y/N,” he argues.

You hand the dress back to the man in the suit. “No. I wouldn’t even have anywhere to wear something like that…” you go on, internally screaming at how badly you really would like to have it. 

“Let me get it for you, then,” Jake says. “It’s not even that expensive…”

“NO!” you squeal. “I mean, no thank you. Please, Jake. It’s completely fine,” you say as you begin to walk toward the exit. You simply could not let him buy this for you. No. Huh-uh. Absolutely the hell not. 

He reluctantly follows you out of the store, still playfully going on and on about how you just made a huge mistake. You turn and face him, your face only inches from his. You grab both of his hands in yours, snickering a little at the surprised look on his face. “Jake, I appreciate the compliments, but I’d really like to get on with our date, now.”

JAKE POV

Her words send a shockwave through your system. “Date? So it’s a date now?” you ask, your hands cupped in hers as he looks you in the eyes. 

She turns and begins walking again, and you have to physically tell yourself to move your legs and follow along. “You came to my door, asked me to go on a walk because you wanted to show me a certain specific special thing… now we’re exploring and talking and trying on dresses, I’d qualify this as a date,” she turns and gives you a teasing look of intrigue. “Just missing the food part, but I think it would still count.” 

A smile comes to your lips as you realize she’s right. “You hungry?” you ask, finally catching up with her. 

“No, I’m just kidding. Let’s go down to the riverside,” she points a little ways away, seeing that there is a sidewalk that runs alongside the water. 

You stuff your hands in your pockets as you trudge along, the two of you taking in the scenery and the water beside you. The air is still blowing cold, but neither of you seem to mind. “So if we’re gonna qualify this as a date, maybe we should get to know each other a little better,” you suggest, earning a scoff from her. 

“Seems a little backwards seeing as how we kinda already–”

“I know, I know,” you laugh. “Um, let’s see. Did you play any sports in school?” you ask. 

“I played volleyball all four years, golfed with my dad on the weekends sometimes when he was around… Other than that, not really,” she explains.

“Shit, don’t tell Danny you like golf,” you go on. “He’ll capture you in a week-long conversation and then ask you to go play a round in every country we visit,” you laugh. 

“Ummm, what’s your favorite holiday? And you can’t pick Christmas…” she says, pushing her pointer finger into your shoulder. 

“Hmm, so, I think it’s a tie between the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving, because in July we’re always out of the country somewhere really beautiful, or we’re all at home blowing shit up together. I’m always really happy that time of year. And then Thanksgiving, because I will eat the fuck out of mashed potatoes any chance I get,” you say. 

She laughs again, the sounds of her voice making your insides warm. “Your answer was better than mine!” 

“Let’s see… What's your best friend’s name?” Noticing that she hasn’t really mentioned anyone.

“My best friend’s name is Ruth, we’ve been friends since elementary school. She’s… a complete idiot,” she laughs. “We still talk pretty much daily about anything and everything,” she explains. “Don’t have any secrets.”

“Oh so, she’s… getting the rundown of your whole European adventure in real time, isn't she?” you ask, wondering if she had been giving her a play by play of the whirlwind last few days you'd shared together. 

She purses her lips and squints her eyes as her hand brushes past yours. “Guess you could say that…”

“Damn!” you laugh, feeling embarrassed. “Don’t tell me you included our bar bathroom escapade…”

Suddenly she’s tripping over her words. “I mean... No! I told her a little but like, not details or anything ya know, but she…I–” 

“So she knows we almost hooked up but thankfully stopped just in time that my brother didn’t catch things getting too out of hand…” you say confidently, wanting to see the blush rush her cheeks again. 

She stops, standing stiff in her place. “Okay, Jake. Caught me. Sue me, shit.”

You continue walking, pulling her along by the hand. “I’m kidding, I don’t care. I hope to meet her one day.”

She looks at you from the side of her eye, “I hope you do, too. Okay, who’s your best friend?”

“You really want me to answer that?” You’re surprised she can’t already tell. “I’ve got three built right in. All three pains in my ass but I love ‘em.”

“How sweet, Jake. Man, you do have a heart under there, somewhere!” she teases. 

“Of course I do baby, I’m actually a sweetheart, didn’t you know?” you respond in a very piratical voice. “Alright, favorite music genre. This is the big one, answer carefully…”

“Ahhh, well…” she looks to the ground, truly contemplating her answer. “You already know the Alt-J stuff you added was way out of my normal choice, I actually listen to um, a lot of harder stuff, I guess you could say. Some metal, hard rock, also older country, some psych stuff. It runs the whole gambit,” she laughs, seeming like she was shy to admit it all. 

“Wow,” you say. “So like, almost the exact opposite of what we’re into.”

“Kind of, I mean it probably overlaps… I love the stuff you’ve added to the list. And I’m sure there’s a few classic dad rock songs you like, don’t lie…” she smiles. 

“Ehhh,” you argue, “Maybe a few…” you feel a sudden slight disappointment in the fact that the two of you probably will not be able to talk music much. But, that’s okay…

“Me and my dad used to go to rock shows a lot when I was a kid. I’ve seen all the country greats a few times a piece. Just something about that sound, you know? Reminds me of home, it’s very nostalgic… I’m sorry, I’m rambling…” she says, brushing the hair from her face as you find yourself enraptured in her words. 

“No, no… it’s okay, ramble on…”

Light bulb. 

You sneakily pull your phone from your pocket, adding that very song to the playlist, hoping she won't notice right off the bat, but hoping she will understand soon that you would listen to her ramble all day long. As she continues to talk, you can’t help but notice all the ways that she is so different from Isla. Like night and day. She listens to you when you speak, she doesn’t ever come at you with condescending words unless she’s being playful, she is sure of herself, and confident…and gives you that feeling down deep in your gut that tells you she’s something special. Though you’ve only known her a few days, it’s already obvious that she offers every single thing that Isla doesn’t, never has, and most likely never will. Instead of the uneasy, walking on eggshells feeling that you have everytime you’re with Isla, you get the confident, self-assured and joyful feeling in Y/N’s presence. And something is telling you to hold onto it. 

Speaking of Isla… you really need to tell Y/N about her. It’s only right. It isn’t fair to her that she doesn’t have a clue, you wouldn’t have wanted to be left in the dark if the roles were reversed. You swallow, opening your mouth to start the conversation without having a clue where to even begin. But your thoughts are interrupted by Y/N’s sweet voice bringing you back down to earth again. 

“I know you bargained for a short walk, but what if we went up there to that little pub and see what they have to offer?” she asks, smiling a toothy grin.

Maybe the time isn’t now…

“Lead the way, love.”

—

HER POV

Warm. Everything is just so warm. Your body, your face, his smile. Warm. The room is a dull hum of noise around you, your world growing still as he sits in front of you. You watch him in wonder as he talks about music and his passions, your face propped up on your fist. You know you must look positively smitten, and to be honest you kind of are. The two of you are giggling back and forth, even though nothing is really that funny. But that was the beauty of it. You can tell you are blinking slowly and try to reign it in as the nearly half a liter of beer swirls through your bloodstream. You can’t help but smile at him while he talks, his eyes locked on yours as a smile stretches across his own face. 

You wonder how he is even able to hold a conversation right now, your brain reduced to mush as you continue to sip on your beer. He’s happy, you can tell, a dimple has appeared in his cheek and hasn’t left in nearly an hour. You can’t stop looking at it, at him. Everything about him. The twinkle lights over head have cast a perfect yellow glow on his tan skin, just as the sun starts to dip down below the river the two of you walked here from.

“You still with me, beautiful?” he asks, his knuckles brushing against yours. 

“I’m here, but barely.” you laugh, “Why aren’t you feeling the alcohol yet?” you tease, taking a rather large gulp of your beer.  You know he definitely has a higher tolerance than you do, but you can tell he is a little more smiley than usual. You place the large glass tankard back on the table as he stares at you, his eyes wide and sparkling. 

“What?” you ask, feeling a bit bashful in your drunken state. 

“You’re just…so– you’re just really pretty and it makes me feel, I don’t know, shy I guess,” he answers truthfully, biting his lips together nervously. 

You feel your chest burst into flames, the heat radiating up your face to your already flushed cheeks. 

“I like it when you blush,” he breathes, which of course makes you blush harder. “Like it best when it’s because of me.”

You feel all of your nervousness and anxiety melting away as he looks at you, and suddenly with the help of the beer, you feel brave enough to ask the question that has been on your mind all day. 

“Jake?”

He nods his head ever so slightly, letting his fingertips drift across your knuckles. 

“Why didn’t you answer? My song, how come you didn’t say anything?” you ask, swallowing down your last bit of nervousness. 

He drops his head a little, grabbing your hand in his, letting his thumb skate across your skin. “I searched and searched for a song that I could respond with last night. One that would articulate what I wanted to say, but I just…I couldn’t find one. I felt like absolute shit after you left, Y/N. Really, I did. I fell asleep with that damn song on replay until my alarm went off this morning. It got in my head, and that’s when I decided I wanted to go on this walk today. Make it up to you.”

You stare at him for just a second, letting a smile slowly creep to your lips. He notices and you watch him as he visibly relaxes. He was nervous, too. 

His eyes are locked on yours, both of you saying a thousand things with zero words. You let his words sink in, storing away each one until your heart feels a little bit lighter. 

“Well, you better think of a good one tonight,” you tease, rubbing your thumb against his. 

His phone buzzes on the table top, his eyes flashing down to it, then to you in panic. 

“It’s fine,” you nod, gesturing for him to grab it. “I don’t mind, really.”

He picks it up and clears his throat, the loss of his hand from yours stings a little but you know he will do it again. 

“From Josh,” he starts reading the message out loud, “Where are you? I knocked on your door and you didn’t answer.”

He smiles and laughs as his thumbs type back a response. 

“Oh, another one,” he pauses, “We’re meeting up for dinner, just the guys, in an hour.”

His face drops a little, his eyes looking across the table to you. He locks his phone and sets it back on the table, his hand seeking yours out again. 

“We should probably get going if you’re gonna make it back in time,” you offer, taking another sip of your beer. 

He lets out a painful sigh, “I don’t really want to. I want to stay out…with you. I see them all the time.”

“No, no, no, you’re in Amsterdam with your brothers. They want to see you. Don’t change your plans around for me,” you insist. 

He looks conflicted, you can tell he really does want to stay here with you, but he also knows he needs to meet up with them. 

“Well, what about you? What will you do?” he asks, tracing his index finger around your hand. 

You smile and shake your head, “Don’t worry about me, I’ll probably just go back to my room and do whatever it was I was going to do before you knocked on the door.”

He smiles and nods, licking his lips before speaking again, “If you’re sure, this is supposed to be me making it up to you for leaving you last night, now I seem to be doing it again.”

“Wanna know a secret?” 

He raises his eyebrows in question, ready to hear your answer.

“I forgave you for that about two minutes into our walk,” you smile, squeezing his hand in yours. 

—

He walks with you back to the hotel, his hand never leaving yours for a second. His grip is firm and warm, everything you ever dreamed of. You talk about the shops and the sights, and he tries again to convince you to buy that dress, bartering that he was going to have to go back and buy it himself if you refused. 

As you step up to the hotel door you pause, turning and looking at him in the glow of the streetlights. “You don’t have to walk me all the way up, I think I can find it.” you tease. 

“Alright, well, um, can I text you?” he asks, his tone reverting back to that of a nervous fifteen year old boy. 

You feel the butterflies taking flight in your stomach, flapping their wings so hard you feel like you might take off with them. “Yeah, you can text me whenever you want to.”

A huge smile spreads across his face, “Yeah, alright, cool. I’ll um, I’ll text you then.”

“I’ll be waiting,” you answer, watching him stifle back his smile as he steps back a bit, bringing your hand to his lips. He places a soft and gentle kiss to the top of your hand, his cold lips barely grazing your skin, and sending a jolt of electricity through you. 

“Won’t be long,” he smiles, stepping away and turning to head back down the street. 

—

JAKE POV

You follow the walk route to the pin that Josh had dropped, finding yourself at a tiny pub down a back alleyway of a street. The place is crowded and warm, ambient lights with the damp smell of cigars lingering in the air. You mosy through the crowd, hoping that no one recognizes you and stops you for a drunken conversation or autograph. 

Luckily it doesn’t happen, and you find Danny, Sam, and Josh tucked away at a high-top table in the corner. “There he is! Took you long enough!” Danny yells over the loud crowd, the first one of them to spot you. 

The other two turn to face you, pulling your stool out for you to take. “Your beer is probably warm, now…sorry,” Sam says, pointing to yet another giant mug of beer, just the same as the one you’d just finished off. 

“Fuck, thanks…” you say, tiptoeing to hop up onto the high stool. You simply can’t help the shit-eating grin that’s plastered across your face, even with all the maximum effort you have left in you. You take a large sip, finding the beer to still be fairly cold. 

“Where have you been already today? You look flushed and far too jovial…” Josh presses, rubbing his hands together with his elbows resting on the table. 

“Cold outside,” you say, shooting him a look. 

The bullshitting and argumentative discussions commence as everyone obviously begins to feel their alcohol, and you take the distracted time out to text Y/N, letting her know you made it safely. 

You

9:18PM: I’m here, but already wishing I never left

You attach a quick photo of your giant beer, and include the eye-rolling emoji.

Y/N

9:20PM: omg 😂 good luck choking another one down

You

9:21PM: Ye have little faith 🍺 

A minute later you receive a photo of her room service sprawled out across the bed in front of her, chicken fingers and fries and some type of dipping sauce. You smirk at how cute she probably looks in whatever outfit she chose to get comfy in, and wonder what she looks like. You notice the TV in the background, and recognize the movie that she has playing. 

You

9:24PM: Looks tasty

9:24PM: Damn, is that Wedding Crashers?

Y/N

9:25PM: Yes, I fucking love this movie

You run your hand over your face. 

You

9:26PM: That sucks, I quite literally can’t stand that movie 

Y/N:

9:26PM: 😱😱😱😱😱😱

9:26PM: You’re insane, this is one of my favorite movies of all time! Why do you hate it!

You

9:27PM: Dunno, not a sucker for cheap comedy I suppose

You’re interrupted by Sam’s snapping fingers in your face. “Hellooooo, Jake, you with us? Tell Isla to leave you the fuck alone, it’s guys’ night!” 

You feel your eyes widen at his comment and glance at Josh, who is mirroring your exact expression behind his folded hands. 

“Uh, sorry, sorry yeah.” You put your phone down on the table and try your best to be present with them, getting caught up in your normal absurd conversation. Your phone continues to light up and buzz on the table. 

“You gonna get that?” Josh asks slowly and quietly, just loud enough for you to hear. You ignore him, finishing off the last bit of your beer that went down exceptionally quicker than you thought it would. Everyone is sufficiently intoxicated, and you have to admit, you’re having a really great time letting loose. The drinks are flowing, and the air is high-spirited all the way around. Danny is taking funny videos of Sam and Josh as they try their hand at some type of trick with a coin and a bottle cap, so you take the second to check your phone again. But what you see brings your serotonin level down just a notch. 

Isla

10:12PM: Hey, what’s up?

10:27PM: Why aren’t you answering me babe :(

10:29PM: I miss youuuuu, you never called back last night

10:33PM: Saw Danny’s close friends story, glad to see you having fun ignoring my texts! 👋🏼

10:37PM: Can you accept my location request

10:42PM: I can see your phone in front of you Jake

You roll your eyes and mutter a quiet oh…my…god, rubbing your eyes with the palms of your hands. 

“What’s up?” Josh asks, and you turn your phone for him to see. His eyes instantly widen as he reads. 

“This…is the shit I’ve dealt with for the last three years. I can’t—” you cut yourself off, feeling your jaw clenching with aggravation. 

Josh settles back in his chair. “Fuck, I had no idea…”

“What, what is it?” Sam and Danny basically simultaneously ask, seeing the disdain falling over the both of you at the same time. 

“Nothin’, just a sad video,” Josh lies. 

You decide to let Isla’s antics roll off your shoulders; you’re having too good of a night to let her whining bring you down. Things with Y/N are starting to heat up, and you find your tipsy self teetering on the edge of risk. You pull her texts up again, finding that she had responded a while ago.

Y/N

9:30PM: You’re crazy, this movie is fuckin hilarious

You decide to change up the game a bit, adding a song that reflects exactly how you’re feeling right now. You scroll through your library and land on it, bringing up the option to add it to your shared playlist. It’s perfect, ‘In the Mood For You’ by The Record Company. 

She responds with a text a minute later, a string of five or six laughing emojis. You’re then met with a song addition on her end, ‘Are You Sure?’ by Willie Nelson. 

Holy shit holy shit. You feel your stomach get warm and your head starts to swim at the thought of where this could go, where you want it to go. You take a deep breath as the excitement builds in your system, and you can physically feel your body getting warm. You want to scream. Your eyes begin to cross a little as your thumbs hover over the screen, flicking around as you decide what to do. 

The next thing you know, Sam is setting another beer in front of your face, this one thankfully much, much smaller than the other one you had just finished off. Mother fucker...Gonna be very drunk.

You decide to skip out on a text, keeping this little game the two of you have going. You pull up the song search, adding ‘No One Else’ by Weezer. Perfect. 

Seconds later, you receive a text. 

Y/N

10:56PM: I’ll think about it…….

You feel your cheeks grow pink. 

Just then another comes through from Isla. 

Isla

10:57PM: Ignoring me isn’t going to fix anything, Jacob.

You scoff, shaking your head. You turn the phone to Josh again. 

“God, block her fucking number. I’m so serious,” his voice raises a little, laced with a protective tone. 

You ignore it, flipping back over to your texts with Y/N, suddenly feeling emboldened. 

You

10:59PM: Think about what, exactly? 

You lick your lips as you set the phone down, glancing around to see no one paying attention to you all up in your phone again. A minute later, you receive a photo. You click the message and watch as the attachment comes to life. 

It’s a selfie of Y/N sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in a barely-there black silk pajama set, with the object of the photo obviously the empty side of the bed behind her. 

Y/N

11:01PM: You, here.

Son of a fucking bitch, she is gonna be the death of you. You pull your phone up so no one can see the picture, and you take a second to stare at her soft skin in the silk material, her hair a little messy but lying perfectly. She’s smiling just a little, and the dim light is bouncing off her features in all the right areas. 

You

11:03PM: Absolutely stunning

11:03PM: Are YOU sure?

Your heart is positively racing, watching as her text bubble pops up. 

Y/N

11:04PM: Only if you want to…

As the breath hitches in your throat as you’ve quite literally forgotten how to breathe, you take a second more, starting in on the beer Sam had provided. You lock your phone, trying to make up your mind of how to answer. What to do, what to do…

You finally decide to reply with a bold text. 

You

11:06PM: I think I can make that happen…😉

11:06PM: We shouldn’t be much longer

You get dragged back into conversation with the guys, and fifteen or so minutes later, everyone is gearing up to leave. You glance down at your phone a few minutes later, seeing that she hasn’t responded. Weird. 

Everyone stands to leave, and the alcohol hits you in the face. Yeah, pretty fairly intoxicated. You exit the building, feeling someone standing behind, close by. You turn to see Dean bringing up the rear of the group. “Whoa, where did you come from you scary motherfucker?” you tease, earning a big, warm smile from him.

“Been sitting at the bar all evening, Mr. Jake,” he responds, pointing for you to catch up with the rest of them. 

You rest a heavy hand on his shoulder. “You’re really good at your job, Dean. I never even knew you were there, should have come and had a drink with us.” You feel your words slurring a bit. Just then, you feel your phone buzzing in your pocket incessantly. 

“I wet my whistle with a shot of Jameson as soon as we got there, water the rest of the night,” he replies without looking at you. You laugh and step to the side a bit, pulling your phone out to see Isla calling. Fucking son of a bitch. You slide to answer it. 

“What, Isla? Fuck!” your tone is a bit more harsh than you had expected, but warranted nonetheless. 

Then, all you can hear on the other line is a rush of screams and yells, her voice loud and her words cramming as she lets you know how she feels. You pull the phone away from your ear, holding it there until you find a chance to speak again. 

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, can you–”

Her screams continue, and you realize exactly how this is going to go. How it’s gone hundreds of times before. She’s not gonna let you speak. And honestly, you’re too intoxicated to talk, anyway. You set it to speakerphone as Josh falls back to walk with you. You shake your head as you allow your twin to listen to her incessant rambling. “You hear this shit?” you mumble. The two of you listen for a second more before you realize you can’t do it anymore. 

“Isla, I’m hanging the phone up. Call me when you can have a mature conversation. Bye.” You don’t even wait for her to retaliate before pressing the big red button. In a huff, you bring up your text thread to see if Y/N has responded. Like the gods of divine intervention decided to reign down their bad luck upon you, you find that you had in fact sent those last two risky texts, to Isla.

“FUCK!” you yell, stopping in your tracks, hitting your palm to your forehead. “Fuck fuck fuck!” How could you have been so stupid?! Of course she had a reason to call and yell at you…

Your fingers move to Y/N’s thread, and you see that you were the one who had left her on read. You’re in the lobby of the hotel now, and everyone is dispersing to head to the elevator or down the halls to their respective rooms. You snap away for a second to tell them goodnight, before deciding to take the stairs up to your room. You needed a second, and to work off some of your drunkenness. 

You finally pop into your room, feeling completely idiotic for accidentally sending the right text to the wrong number. You splash some cold water on your face, hoping it will bring you back to earth a little bit, but finding it to have only made your splotchy face and tinted cheeks worse. You brush your teeth and take a piss, finally settling on the edge of your bed to think. 

Fuck it, you finally decide, bringing up your texts with Y/N once more. 

You

11:47PM: I think I can make that happen…

Surprisingly, she responds within the minute.

Y/N

11:47PM: Hey. Thought you had found someone else to sneak away to the bathroom…

Your nerves flush up all over again. We’re still in the clear.

You

11:48PM: Don’t be crazy fledgling. I’m finding you in 5 minutes. 

HER POV

Five minutes? Five minutes!  You stare at the screen for a few seconds before your brain starts to work again, giving you a mile long to-do list before he knocks on the door. 

“What!? What! What does it say?! Hello! Why do you look panicked!?” Ruth asks from the other end of the phone. 

“Oh my god, he’s coming to my room. Right now, he’s on his way right this second, holy shit I have to– I have to clean up! I need to brush my teeth, brush my hair? Shit, I can’t be wearing this! Oh my god, shit I do not have enough time!” you screech, tearing across the hotel room to clean up the best that you can. 

“Focus on yourself first! He doesn’t care about your messy room! Put on some deodorant for the love of god! Did you shave your legs today?! Wait, did you end up bringing that little black sleep set thing we found?” she asks, trying to help you prioritize. 

“Yes! I’m wearing it stupid! Can you not see me?!” you shout, the clocking continuing to tick by. 

“Fuck off, it’s blurry! Okay just go brush your teeth, brush your hair, deodorant, then let's work on the room. Hurry up!” 

You run into the bathroom, applying deodorant as quickly as possible and checking your legs for stubble. “I shaved this morning, but I think it’s fine.”

“Did you shave…everything?!” she asks, just as panicked as you are. 

“Yeah, thank god!” you answer, wetting your toothbrush. 

“Okay, game plan, keep brushing, just listen. He’s into you, you’re into him. He’s been flirting with you all night. He wants you babe, and if it were me? Well, I’d do it. I know what you’re gonna say, ‘Ruthie, I can’t give it up on the first date’, blah blah blah, I don’t care, fuck the police. He’s hot, you’re hot, you’re in Europe, and if you don’t sex that man tonight, you might not get the chance to again.” she lectures, giving you a stern look.

You spit your toothpaste into the sink, wiping your mouth and grabbing for your hair brush. You run it quickly through your hair as she continues. “God, I have got to know what this man is like in the bedroom. I am so living through you right now. I expect every detail first thing in the morning. Not noon, not three, morning.”

You grab your perfume from the bathroom counter and hold it up to the camera, “Should I, or too much?”

“Yes, you should, obviously! But don’t overdo it!” she yelps back. You spray the perfume onto your wrists, careful not to spray too much. 

“Alright, I feel better, but do you think I should change? Honestly, I feel so…”

“What? Hot, sexy? Drop dead gorgeous? Didn’t have a problem with it when you sent that picture earlier, what's different now?” she asks. 

“Well, nothing I guess, I just… He will see me in person. You can see my nipples!” you admit.

“I think he’s gonna see a lot more than your nipples tonight babe, that’s just the appetizer.” she laughs, crunching the ice from her drink. 

“Oh my god you are so gross, okay, fine. I just need to clean up the room and little and–”

A knock at the door renders you both silent. You mouth the words ‘oh my god’, as she laughs silently. 

“I’ll call you later,” you whisper, quickly ending the call and tossing your phone onto the dresser. You take a deep breath and smooth your hands over the black satin tank top, pushing your boobs up, but letting out a defeated sigh when they drop back into place. She better be right about this. 

You blow out a calming breath as you make your way towards the door, twisting the handle and pulling the door open. Leaning against your door frame you find Jake, cheeks flushed and somehow looking even better than he did this afternoon. He’s in the same clothes, and his hair is windblown, but there is something different about him. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you file it away for later. 

You purse your lips in a smirk, “You said five minutes.”

He smiles and nods, “I did, but I had to make a pit stop.”

“What for?” you ask, a playful tone to your voice. 

You watch his eyes flick down to take in your appearance, his chest growing as he sucks in a deep breath, “Oh, you know…had to get something,” he pauses, shrugging his shoulders a bit. “Did you make up your mind?”

You bite your lips together as you open the door a little wider, “Mmm, I thought about it…”

He steps forward, his foot on the threshold, “And?”

You instantly reach for his shirt, pulling him into the room and crashing your lips into his. He immediately takes control, leading you backwards and kicking the door shut with his foot. His hands have found your waist, sliding beneath the silky fabric of your top and gripping into your skin. He backs you into a wall, letting his warm lips drag across your jaw as his hands continue to explore the soft skin of your stomach. It’s not long before his lips are back on yours, the taste of alcohol still lingering on his tongue. 

His knee slides between your legs, parting them just enough to be able to press himself closer to you. Your arms lace around his neck, your hands tangling into his soft hair, as his hips press into yours. The sound of your lips on his is wet and desperate, the two of you devouring each other where you stand. His tongue slides into your mouth in search of yours, the two of you quickly picking up where you last left off. 

You can feel his phone vibrating in his pocket as it presses against your leg, an incessant buzz that drags your attention away from his lips. 

“You wanna get that?” you ask, whispering against his lips. 

“No,” he growls, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip. “Probably the groupchat, I’m tired of them interrupting.”

He pulls the two of you from against the wall, walking you backwards towards the bed as his lips pepper kisses up and down your jaw. He tosses you down towards the bed, the fluffy white sheets pooling around your body. His eyes are hazy as he looks down at you, his cheeks still red from what you thought was the cold, but now know is the alcohol flowing through his system. His chest is heaving as he stares down at you, taking in every single inch of your body. You can feel the primal need radiating from him, and you remind yourself to thank Ruth for not letting your change into something else. 

You can hear that his phone is still buzzing, and with a huff of aggravation he pulls it from his pocket and taps on the screen a few times before throwing it onto the nightstand. He drops to his hands, hovering over you as his shirt hangs from his body. You keep your eyes locked on his as you unbutton the buttons, letting your hands run up his stomach and over his chest. 

His lips drop back down to yours, this kiss a little slower and a little more intentional, you can feel that he wants you, and you hope he can tell that you want him just the same. He hums against your lips, the evidence of his need starting to show through in his voice. You let your hands push the fabric of his shirt over his shoulders and he assists by tossing it to the floor. His necklaces hang between the two of you, the pendants cold as they rest against your chest. 

His hand comes up to swipe at the thin strap of your tank top, pulling it delicately over your shoulder while letting his eyes meet yours. You nod your head just enough to give him permission, letting him repeat the action with the other side. 

He brings his palm to rest on the side of your neck, his fingertips brushing lightly against your skin before he drags his palm down your body, pushing the soft black fabric down your chest. 

“This what you wanted?” he hums, dragging his fingertips over your sternum. “When you sent me that little picture? Wanted to get me all worked up thinking about you in this? Thinking about you, out of this?”

Your nipples harden just at the sound of his voice, deep and rich, a gentle slur from the alcohol. He is pure sex as you look up from beneath him.

“Might’ve been…” you answer, biting your bottom lip nervously. 

“Don’t do that,” he says, pulling your lip with his thumb. “Own it. Take what you want.”

A smirk is planted on his lips, his hair hanging around his face as he looks down at you. You decide to do exactly what he says, reaching down to the hem of your top and pulling it up and over your shoulders. His eyes drop down to your chest, now completely exposed to him, the lust almost visible in his dark eyes.

“Shit…” he breathes, his tongue wetting his lips.

He slots his knee between your legs, crawling forward a little bit more and dropping down to his elbows over top of you. His lips connect with your chest, sucking a long wet kiss into the roundness of the skin. You squirm beneath him, the feeling of his lips on your body more than you can handle in the moment. He drags his lips down your body, stopping as he meets the hem of your shorts. 

“Smell so fucking good…You’re so soft, everywhere… Have half a mind to have you like this,” he pants, pressing his lips to your skin again.

“Come back,” you plead, needing to feel his lips on yours.

He moves quickly, grabbing your face with his hand and pressing his lips to yours. You reach between the two of you, your hand unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning the button on his pants. He groans as your hand slips into the waistband of his boxers, gently grazing the stubbly trimmed hair at his base. His eyes flick open to meet yours, almost as if he is surprised you’re doing what he told you to do. You stare at him, waiting for him to tell you to stop, but he doesn’t. You have the answer you need. 

You press further, reaching for him, but surprisingly finding him still mostly soft. His eyes widen a little, and his head drops just a touch. You can tell he knows, and it’s caught him a little off guard. 

You decide to take matters into your own hands, smiling back at him, “Roll over.”

He looks up, a small grin on his lips as he rolls to his back, landing in the empty spot you photographed earlier. You move to place yourself between his legs, reaching for the top of his pants and pulling them and his boxers down over his legs. He kicks them off and you toss them to the floor, taking in the sight of him completely naked in front of you. His chest is heaving as he looks at you, a grin on his shiny pink lips as he watches you slide your hands up his thighs. 

“I know I already told you this, but you’re so fucking pretty I can’t seem to think straight.”

You can feel your cheeks grow hot, the way he’s looking at you and the words falling from his mouth have your heart pumping harder than it has in years. 

“And god when you blush like that, fuck…”

You crawl forward a bit more, positioning yourself over him to straddle his waist. You lower yourself to a sitting position, letting him guide your hips to rest your body weight where he wants it. His hands grip into your hips, sliding under the silky fabric still covering your lower half. His thumbs rub circles into your hip bones, your hips rolling on their own accord against his. A hum leaves his chest as his eyes flutter closed, clearly enjoying his view and the feeling of you beneath his hands. 

You reach for his hand, grabbing his wrist and guiding his palm to rest over your chest, letting his fingers grip into the soft fullness beneath it. He palms at your breast as you continue to rock your hips over his. His mouth opens just a bit as he focuses on you, slowly bringing his other hand to rest over your other breast. His grip is firm and warm, not too rough. A hum of pleasure leaves his lips every few seconds as he drinks in the moment, but still yet he is considerably soft beneath you. 

You lean forward into his hands, letting your lips brush against his neck, your tongue darting out and licking a wet stripe up the column of his neck. His grip tightens and his hips buck upward into yours. You’ve got him where you want him now. 

You pull away from him, moving backwards on the bed until you are hovering right above his dick. Your eyes flick to his, dark and boiling over with want as you lower your face closer to him. You grab him in your hand, feeling that he is still not truly hard enough to do anything with, but you still had a few more ideas yet. 

“Can I?” you breathe, whispering the words against his soft pink tip. You bat your eyes at him, “Please?”

You watch his chest rising and falling quickly, his heart rate sky high as he watches you. “Been dreaming about it.”

You let your tongue glide over his tip, warm against your mouth as your eyes stay locked on his. You wrap your fist around his base and let your mouth sink down over him, running your tongue up the underside of his shaft. You can’t help but wonder why he isn’t rock hard at this point, his body giving you every single cue that he wants you, apart from this one. 

His hand swipes the hair away from your face as you take him, feeling him growing just the slightest bit harder as his tip grazes the back of your mouth. You pull off of him just enough to speak, letting your wet lips brush his tip. “That okay?”

“Yes, fuck yes, I just–”

You grip your hand into his thigh as you shush him, “Shhh, I know, I’m not done.”

You take him down again, bobbing your head back and forth at a steady pace as his breathing starts to pick up. His skin is clammy under your hands and his chest is heaving as he watches you take him as far as you can. 

Your brain starts to wander as you taste him, his natural musky smell translating to the taste of his skin. Maybe he drank too much? Or maybe you’re just bad at this. He should be hard by now. Maybe he doesn’t really want you like you thought. 

A groan leaves his lips and his hips buck up, forcing him further down your throat. “Fuck…”

Okay, that's definitely not it. He has been falling all over you for days, it has to be something else. 

His hand grips into your hair as his hips buck upwards again. “Feel so fuckin’ good baby, shit. Perfect little mouth, knew it would be.” 

You let your eyes flick up to his, staring at him as his tongue rests between his lips. He’s trying, you can tell, but for some reason, it’s just not working. His brow furrows in anger, and you watch as his demeanor shifts, frustration taking him over. 

You pull off him, his dick harder than when you started, but still fairly soft. You don’t know how hard he normally is, but it has to be more than this. Right?

“Jake, we don’t have t–”

He shakes his head, “Mmm, you know what? Come up here beautiful, come lay down for me.”

You do as he says, part of you sad to think that maybe you weren’t doing it for him, but you push the thoughts aside, swapping places with him as he adjusts the pillow beneath your head. He bends to kiss you, pulling away for just a second before pressing his lips to yours again much quicker. 

“So fucking pretty, all of you. But especially that mouth,” he smirks. 

He hooks his fingers into your shorts, pulling them and your panties off in one swift movement. You are bare before him, his eyes widening as he takes you in, finally getting a reaction from his dick. He fists it up and down a few times as he looks at you, “Can I touch you, baby?”

You nod quickly, letting him spread your legs apart with his free hand. A growl leaves his chest as he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, “So gorgeous, shit…”

His thumb swipes up through your wetness, circling your clit a few times causing you to squirm beneath him. 

“Jake…” you gasp. 

His eyes meet yours, “Yeah? You like that? You’re so beyond wet, sweetheart.”

Your hips twist and turn beneath his touch, every angle proving to be more stimulating than the last. You whine, a string of curses and muffled versions of his name falling from your lips. 

“You…” he pauses, taking a deep breath, “Are everything I thought you would be. More, even.”

“Jake, please, I– I need–”

He pulls away from you quickly, his hand still fisting his cock as he reaches for his wallet on the floor. He pulls a condom from the pocket inside, tearing the foil packet open as he kneels back onto the bed. 

“Let me!” you urge, stopping his wrist, “I mean, please, can I do it?”

His eyes flick up to yours in surprise, “Yeah baby, you can do it. You can do whatever you want, swear to god.”

You grab the latex between your fingers, pinching the tip and rolling it over his cock. It's hard enough now that putting the condom on is fairly easy, but you’re positive he was even harder than this in the bathroom last night. You roll it to his base, letting your hand drift back up and over his chest before circling it around his neck. His hands grip your waist as his lips meet yours again, his tongue circling with yours as he moves you back towards the pillows, gently lowering your body to the bed. “Want you so bad, Y/N.”

“So have me,” you breathe, barely letting your lips leave his. 

You welcome him between your legs, feeling his hand reach down to fist his base, gliding himself through your wetness. In only a matter of a minute his dick is softer than it was, and both of you know it, but neither of you are willing to acknowledge it. 

His phone starts to buzz on the nightstand, both of you looking towards it. He doesn’t pay it any mind, letting it buzz on the wooden table until it stops. 

“Look at me, baby, don’t mind that,” he demands. 

You feel him press his tip to your entrance, his eyes fixed on yours. He furrows his brow as he presses his hips forward, but you feel nothing. Your eyes flick down between the two of you, finding that he can’t seem to get hard and stay hard enough to get it in. You feel a pang of hurt run through your chest, almost like rejection, but somehow a little worse. 

“Jake, are you not hard en–”

“Just give me a second, I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” he growls, his attention turning to the still buzzing phone on the nightstand. 

“I mean, I can give you head again if you think–”

“No, Y/N, I just– I just need a second, I’ll be fine,” he says. You can hear the anger in his voice, not at you, but at himself. 

“Is it me?” you ask, running your fingers up his arm that is next to your head. 

“Fuck no. You are everything I want, wet as fuck and gorgeous, no, it’s not you. I want you, I really fucking want you,” he says, stroking himself a few more times. “Alright…”

He repositions himself at your entrance, and this time you can feel him, he’s harder now, enough to slide into you, but still it’s only just enough to slip inside. 

Even half hard he is bigger than the last guy you were with, the stretch as he presses into you making that abundantly clear.

“Oh Jesus Christ, you are so tight,” he pants, his dick hardening a little at the tight fit. 

You slide your hands around his waist, pulling him down a little further as he starts to move his hips, “Oh goddamn…”

His phone buzzes twice on the nightstand as he starts to pump into you at a steady pace, but you ignore it, letting the overwhelming feeling of him moving inside of you take precedence in your brain. 

He groans through closed lips, his brow furrowed in concentration as he slides in and out of you. He rolls his hips as he thrusts into you, a whine leaving your lips as your back arches. 

“Motherfuck, you are–” he stops, regaining his composure, “Tightest fuckin’ pussy.”

Your hands grip into his sides as he picks up speed, his hips slamming into yours as both of you start to lose yourselves in the moment. Finally things felt normal, things felt good, way too good. You wanted this, you needed this, and fuck if he wasn’t checking every box you’d ever had. 

He cups your cheek in his hand, dusting his thumb over your swollen lips just as you part them to suck it in. You watch his eyes roll back in his head as he starts to pant, and you can tell he is dangerously close to his finish. 

You start to speak, ready to change positions but as you open your lips to release his finger, his phone rings, buzzing quickly across the table as the sound plays through the speakers. 

“God fucking damnit!” he growls, “What the fuck!”

“Take it Jake, it’s fine, just– answer and they’ll leave you alone.” you urge, looking to the black phone skittering across the table. 

“No, fuck no.” he snaps, his hips emphasizing his point. “I’m busy,”

The buzzing stops, and he looks back to you, letting his hand drift down to your chest. He rolls your nipple between his fingers, letting his lips meet yours. His kiss is wet, and desperate, his hips starting to falter as they move in messy strokes above you. 

You can tell he needs to cum, his body racing closer and closer with every half hard stroke of his dick. You can also tell he is fighting it, his face is red, and his hairline sweaty. You know it will be seconds, if that, until he is tumbling into his release.

His eyes flick to yours in panic, an almost apologetic look on his face as he breathes, “Baby, I’m, fuck—”

As if right on cue, his phone starts to buzz, the ringtone blaring through the speakers as his hips stutter, slamming into you again as he looks at his phone on the table. His head snaps back to you, sucking in a deep breath of panic as his hips stop, his cock twitching inside you as he fills the condom with a guttural moan. 

The fucked out look that takes over his face is like nothing you’ve ever seen. Reminiscent of a Renaissance painting, the features of his face twist into such a blissful expression that he almost looks like he’s in pain. He’s beautiful, there is absolutely no doubt about that, but it doesn’t change the fact that he just came, way, way too soon. 

You are in shock as you lay beneath his panting body, feeling him grow soft inside you once again. He pushes up to his hands nearly instantly, his face riddled with remorse as he realizes what exactly just happened. “Y/N–”

His phone buzzes again, for what has to be the sixtieth time in the last five minutes, a snap of anger washing through you. “Are you going to fucking get that?”

He mumbles a curse under his breath as he pulls out of you, the condom full as he looks at it in shame. He covers himself with his hand as he snatches the phone off of the nightstand and makes his way to the bathroom. You can feel the embarrassment swirling through the air as you hear the sink in the bathroom turn on. 

You grab the sheet at your feet and pull it up over your naked, unsatisfied body, trying to wrap your head around what exactly just happened. You try to catch your breath, the sound of your breathing filling the room but quickly drowned out by Jake’s phone ringing. This time though, he answers. 

“Hello?!” he shouts, his anger apparent. “Yeah I’ve seen him fucking calling, I have been busy goddamnit!” 

You hear the sink turn off and the toilet flush, followed by the sound of his footsteps walking back into the room. “Yes, I will call him, Jesus Christ, don’t ever blow my shit up like that again,” he snaps, ending the call. He pauses as he walks, a hand towel in his grip as he taps his phone screen.

You hear another call ringing out, but this time he's the one doing the calling. He walks over to you with the phone on speaker phone, a look of sadness on his face as he slowly approaches the edge of the bed. He sits next to you and reaches for your hand just as the person answers. 

“Hey, man, been trying to call you.” the man's voice says, a tone of urgency present.

“Yeah, sorry about that, I was caught up for a second. What’s up, what’s going on?” Jake answers, rubbing his hand along your arm. 

He turns to look at you mouthing ‘guitar tech’ as he hands you the damp towel. You make quick work of it, wiping yourself off but knowing you’ll be taking a shower as soon as possible. You throw it across the room as he snickers, waiting for Johnny to answer.

“Listen man, I’m at the venue, trucks just arrived and we are doing load out. One of the stage left Marshall cabinets split in transit. Wiring harness is fucked. Amp is…the amp is not looking good man.”

You see Jake stiffen, “What?” 

“Huge gash in the backside, must have fallen or something, I tried to fuck with the wiring as best as I could, it’s not getting any signal right now, man.”

“Holy fuck,” he groans, standing quickly from the bed and gripping into his hair. “No signal? Did you try a direct line in?”

You cut your eyes wondering how he managed to sober up so quickly in the last three minutes.

“Yeah, even DI there’s no signal, just static. Powers’ on, but she’s DOA. Gonna have Mark take a look at it too, but I don’t have high hopes,” he continues. 

“Is there anything we can do? How the fuck are we supposed to get a replacement amp and cabinet by tomorrow?” Jake asks, his voice laced with panic. 

“We can make some calls, I know a guy with some leads. What are the chances of you coming down here to take a look at it? Maybe I’m completely missing something, man. Hoping it's a quick fix. Need your signature for the insurance waiver, too.”

“Can it wait until morning?” he asks, a pained look on his face. 

“Probably shouldn’t, especially if we are looking for a replacement locally.”

He turns to look at you, and you can tell he is conflicted. You bite your lips together and nod your head. This is his job after all. 

He runs a hand over his face, letting out a sigh, “Yeah, yeah, I um– I can be there in a bit. I just need to wrap something up here, and I’ll be there. See if you can get in touch with Hamstead, I’m sure they have a loaner we could use for tomorrow at the very least.”

“Will do man, hey sorry about this, I don’t know what happened, maybe it wasn't strapped down or–”

Jake is quick to cut him off, “It’s fine, not your fault. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yep, see you then,” he says, ending the call. 

He tosses his phone on the nightstand before dropping his head into his hands. “This night has been…”

He turns to look at you, letting out a sigh, “I don’t know what the fuck it’s been, fuck, I just…”

You can tell he is flustered, he can hardly form a sentence. “Listen, I get it. It’s fine, just go do what you need to do. It’s okay, really.”

He nods as he stands up from the bed, walking around the front to start grabbing for his clothes. He doesn’t say much as he dresses, and he will hardly look at you. You don’t really know why, but you can imagine he is feeling a little bad about himself and his performance at the moment. You still haven't let yourself process what exactly happened with the two of you just now, but you will, soon. 

He re-buttons his shirt, pulling his hair up into a hair tie as he lets out a sigh, “Look, I’m sorry about this. I really am, this is the absolute very last thing I want to do right now, especially after… that. But I have to, and I don’t want you to think that I want to because–”

“Jake. I get it. Just go, it’s fine,” you say calmly, hoping he will believe you. 

He grabs his phone and his wallet and shoves them into his pants pocket, kneeling on the bed towards you. He leans in to kiss you, but his lips don’t land on yours, instead missing your mouth completely. A new rush of secondhand embarrassment washes through you, and right now you think him leaving is probably the best thing he could do. 

He curses himself as he stands up shaking his head in defeat as he swallows back his embarrassment. He walks towards the door with a hand in his pocket, turning to you just before stepping out,  “I’ll uh…I’ll text you, I guess, I don’t know, fuck. Have a good night, Y/N.”

The door slams behind him and suddenly the room is silent. No heavy breathing, no pitchy moans, and no ringing phones. Just pure silence. 

You stare at the wall for a full five minutes, the muted TV flashing colors against your skin. You can’t conjure a thought. Not a single one. Nothing other than what the fuck was that?

You want to call Ruth. You want to call her and tell her everything, but you also don’t even know what you would say. Something like ‘Hey Ruth, just had the worst two minutes of sex of my life? Oh did I mention he was barely hard? And I couldn’t get him hard? And that his phone rang the entire time? And that he came in two minutes? And I didn’t finish at all? And then he had to leave as soon as he finished? And now I’m sitting alone and naked in my hotel room?’  Yeah, you needed to sit on this one for a minute. Your eyes catch sight of the flower laying on the dresser, now looking a little bit limp and lifeless but still beautiful no less. You feel a pang run through your chest, tearing your eyes away from it so as not to taint that moment earlier with this one. 

You rip the sheets from your body and make your way to the bathroom, turning the shower on as hot as it will go before stepping inside. You let the steaming hot water clear your mind and ease your tense muscles, washing away the scent of his cologne that is lingering on your skin. 

You wrack your brain for answers, though you can hardly come up with anything that makes sense. There’s just no fucking way he is actually terrible in bed. We had so much chemistry, the electricity between us was nearly electrocuting you. He felt so good last night. We were so in sync last night. This had to be a fluke, right? You’ve seen him with his guitar on stage, where was that?!

You lather your skin in your body wash, rinsing away the remaining evidence that this night ever happened. After the best afternoon with him, why was he so off tonight? He barely seemed like himself. Maybe he really did have too much to drink. 

You tried to put yourself in his shoes. If the roles were reversed and it was your phone blowing up like that, you probably would have been a little distant too. But that didn’t explain why he couldn’t stay hard. That was a mystery to you, and you really hoped to god it was the beers and not you. You know he was so much harder last night, you know he was. You felt it. So what happened between last night and tonight? 

Something. You knew that much. 

You turn off the water and wrap yourself in a towel, letting your mind wander with possibilities, trying to convince yourself that what he showed you tonight was not who he really was. You sat back down on the bed you just shared with him, thinking back to that few seconds where things were good. And it was good, it felt good, he felt good. There was no denying those few seconds. But the rest of it, well, that was still up for debate. 

You grab your phone and tap the screen, the display reading 1:02AM. There are no texts from Jake, though you didn’t really know what you expected him to say.

From the little you know about him, when he left here tonight the confidence he naturally exudes was gone, not even in the same building. You knew he would reach out, but only when he was ready and knew what to say. But until then… 

You toss your phone on the bed next to you, quickly changing into a clean pair of pajamas and curling back up into the bed. You lay there staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how you are going to handle things tomorrow. You would be with him the entire day, and you didn’t want to make him feel worse than he likely already did. 

You go back and forth with yourself until you land on something sturdy: You won’t say anything, you won’t do anything. You’ll act completely normal. The same as you have for the last few days. You decide to tear this page from the book and move forward. This never happened. 

Deep down you know there was something holding him back from being fully present with you tonight, but what that is you’ve yet to discover.

—

JAKE POV

The early morning finds you facedown on your bed, still fully clothed, one boot kicked off into the floor, the other still completely on your foot. The sun is far from being up, and you’re thankful that you still have a few hours before its rays beat in through your window. The bustle of the awakening city is loud on the streets below you, and you find yourself wanting nothing more than to stay in this exact position for the rest of the day. For the rest of your life, actually. Maybe, if you bury yourself under these blankets and pillows, everyone will forget about you. Isla will forget about you. Y/N will forget about you, about everything, about last night. It will be like it never even happened. It will be like the most amazing buildup to what could have been a night of pure electricity didn’t take an absolute nose dive into one of the most embarrassing things to have ever happened to you. You’d take tripping on stage a million times over this. Pure. Humiliation.

Yeah, right here, in this bed. Under the pillows. They can’t find you here. 

What the fuck even happened?! Whiskey dick was an understatement. It didn’t even begin to explain what you…experienced. Unable to perform for the most beautiful new thing that has happened to you. Everything was perfect, she was perfect… her confidence was enamoring, her head was off the charts good, and fuck, for the few seconds you had things actually going, it was pure ecstasy. She was soaked for you. Her sounds, her face… fuck. It all came flooding back to your brain, even the way she smelled still stuck in your mind. She wanted you, just as badly as you wanted her. Just the thought of it had you standing at attention all over again, at full force this time, though. And you’d let her down. 

You sit up and roll yourself over. “Where the fuck were you last night, huh? Let me the fuck down!” you audibly yell at what was happening in your still-belted jeans. You force your face back into the comforter, realizing now that a horrific hangover is on the horizon. Your head is busting in two already, not like you already didn’t feel like shit on a boot.

Staying here, under the pillows until sound check. Right here. Not moving. Hiding. 

You know that’s not realistic, though. You contemplate texting her, but what the fuck do you even say? You couldn’t even satisfy her, and ended up satisfying yourself, way too fucking soon. What had you lasted, two minutes? Three max? Like a fucking 16 year old kid. God, what a fucking tool. She probably thinks you’re a horrible lay. You know you’re better than that. 

You groan hard into the sheets below you, feeling the metallic taste of a hangover in your mouth. You need a gallon each of water, orange juice, and black coffee, stat. And probably like, nine pieces of the butteriest toast you can find. And probably a shower, yes, a shower. And a straightjacket, for how absolutely insane you feel. 

Damnit, the amp. Luckily, the rental was in the works of being en route last night, so you feel just a little bit better about that, at least. It won’t be your baby, but it will sound okay. 

You roll and find your almost-dead phone underneath your chest, blinking your eyes as the screen brightens. Nothing. Not even Isla. Good. No one wants you. You can stay here, hidden in your burrow, until you absolutely can’t anymore. 

You’ve gotta say something, anything to her, to start this process that you want to stay millions of miles away from. But the first step to healing is admission, so you go ahead and take it. 

You

5:31AM: I’m sorry. 

You watch as the message is delivered to her, seeing the string of foreplay texts and her photo still sitting in the chat. She’s so gorgeous, how could you have fucked up this badly? Your first chance to show her how you feel and you fumble this hard?

Though there were many factors playing into it, at the very deepest darkest part of your mind, you know why. You know exactly why. Guilt isn’t an emotion you let yourself feel very often, and this morning, you find yourself grasped in the wrath of it. The double-edged sword of your current situation with two separate women is proving to be more intertwined than you’d anticipated, or even foresaw. What you want is clear, though. And you’re determined to get a second chance, no matter how rocky and uncomfortable the road to that chance may be. 

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[thebiggerbear]

Off Limits

Summary: When Reenie sends you to assist Colter with whatever he needs after getting arrested for breaking into a morgue in Virginia, you meet his older brother Russell for the first time. There's some flirting and definitely a mutual attraction there before you Colter sends you off. Little do you know at the time that Colter has warned Russell that you're off limits and that Russell has no intention of listening to said warning.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader; Russell Shaw x Female!PI!Reader

A/N: So I've had this idea in my head since I first saw the episode (and that whole food truck scene) and finally sat down to start writing it May 19th, the day we were all hoping Russell would return for 1x13 (no spoilers). I did change up the ending of 1x12 a little here. By the way, I love Colter and I'm only a few episodes into the season but he kind of gives a little fuckboi vibe to me (meant affectionately of course) so I decided to kind of play on that a little here. Not that Russell also doesn't seem to have that vibe here a little bit. (again, meant as affectionate) 😉 I may write a follow up to this to fill in/shade in more areas mentioned in here.

Anyways, this was a lot of fun to write and try to practice ratcheting up the UST a little between two characters. I'm not sure if I succeeded but it was still fun to try. 🥵

All unbeta'd.

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged in any future Russell or Tracker works.

Song while writing: Coming For You - Nuela Charles (you can probably guess what scene I was envisioning/writing with this one 🤷‍♀️)

Warnings: sexual tension; flirting; a little smut; language

Word Count: 9357

Please do not do any of the above. Thank you for your understanding.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx

You pulled up to the area where two food trucks sat and tables were scattered throughout the center of it all. You quickly recognized Colter sitting there, eating, talking to someone sitting across from him. You softly groaned at the incessant pounding in your head, tenderly rubbing your forehead. Why had Reenie charged you with this? True, you owed her a favor (or four) but still, getting on a plane with only thirty minutes notice, no time to pack an overnight bag, and her insistence that you go and assist Colter with whatever he needed was a bit much. Even for her. 

But here you were, dressed in yesterday’s clothes, your hair up in a messy ponytail after you quickly combed your fingers through it, and feeling scuzzy after a long night spent on planes. That’s right. Planes as in plural. Reenie hadn’t even sprung for a non-connecting flight, though she’d tried to chalk it up to none of those being available when she’d booked the trip for you ASAFP. You’d been stuck in coach the entire time, which was fine (you were more than used to it) but you’d had the middle seat and then the aisle seat — both seating arrangements were pure hell. Needless to say, you may have indulged at the airport bar in between flights and ordered drinks while on both, putting it on your business card that you immediately wrote off as travel expenses in your head. Especially when one of the guys you were sitting next to (who thought he was the next young Robert DeNiro apparently) was intent on making conversation, filling you in on his romantic and sexual history (relayed through a ton of bad implied jokes of course), as if he thought that would be a selling point for you to immediately want to induct him into the mile high club (there was no way he was a member despite his many stories hinting to the contrary). No thank you. Not ever.

Thankfully, you were able to pick up some essentials when you finally arrived at your destination and used the airport bathrooms for a little clean up before grabbing a rental car. You still felt gross and in need of a shower, but you’d manage until you did what you came here to do and then your time would be your own again. You were sure you’d get a shower and a change of clothes somewhere in between there. 

So while the alcohol helped to ease the tension your sudden trip created, you were badly hungover. Yep, sadly you were at that age where if you even looked at a drink, you’d get a headache the next day. So while you had maintained a nice buzz, you were now paying for it. You took a deep breath, slipped on your sunglasses, and got out of the car. 

Colter saw you coming, surprise fleeting across his expression, before turning his full attention on you when you sat down next to him. “Oof. Rough night?”

Your answer was to flip him the bird which made him chuckle. You then yanked out the folder of files Reenie had thrown into a travel case for you and slapped it all down next to him. “There. Directly from Reenie. With my compliments. Not that I don’t have my own cases to work,” you finished in a mumble. You snatched his coffee, ignoring his frown, and took a deep gulp. You made an immediate face. “Ugh. How do you still drink this shit?”

“It’s coffee,” he informed you as he began peeking at the files.

“I know. How do you not put anything in it? Do you like the taste of bitter ass first thing in the morning? Wait, don’t answer that.” You slipped out an airplane shot you had snuck into your jacket pocket that you swiped from the drink cart as it passed by during your aisle seat fun, beyond desperate to ignore the chatty Cathy next to you (her name had literally been Cathy as you’d found out against your will). You immediately lifted the lid and dumped in the contents, picking up a fry from Colter’s plate and using that to stir things around quickly before tossing it in the grass behind you. You ignored the “hey!” sounding not too far from where the fry had most likely landed and took a generous sip of the warm liquid, nearly heaving a sigh of satisfaction as it settled into your stomach. Not exactly the hair of the dog but it would do for now.

Colter was shaking his head, watching you, and you immaturely stuck your tongue out at him, about to tell him to blow you when you heard a chuckle across the table. You turned to see the guy Colter had been talking to grinning over at you, amusement clear as day on his face. You lowered your glasses slightly and took in his features, noting his obvious attractiveness, and you would be loathe to admit that you wouldn’t mind meeting him in an airplane bathroom had he been the one sitting next to you on that ghastly flight. Almost as if he knew what you were thinking, his smile grew and those green eyes lit up in a way that was all too familiar to you, and also had you wondering if there were any public bathrooms around here that you could slip away to for a bit. After the long night you’d had, an orgasm or two might just be what the doctor ordered. 

You pushed your glasses back into position and gave him a smile right back. “And who’s this?”

Before Colter could answer, the man stuck out a hand towards you. “Russell Shaw, Colter’s older brother.”

Your smile dropped as your hopes were immediately dashed. Fuck. Not only was he hot in a very rugged type of way (right up your alley actually not that you’d ever admit that out loud) but he seemed like he would’ve been game for what you were up for, too. Dammit. You forced yourself to shake his hand and not be rude, all the while trying your best not to think about what those hands could do or how that rough, warm skin would feel like against yours. “Y/N Y/L/N.”

The light in his eyes burned brighter. “Y/N. That is a beautiful name.” 

You couldn’t contain the eye roll at the obviously bad pickup line. Perhaps it was best that he was Colter’s brother. Not that you would’ve been doing much talking if he wasn’t, so his flirting skills wouldn’t have mattered. “So I’ve heard.” You cut that off at the knees. “Russell Shaw,” you drew out his name, remembering something Reenie had mentioned before you went through airport security. You yanked out another folder from your case, slapping it down in front of him. “Reenie insisted that I give you this and told me to tell you that you owe her quite a bit for taking care of those fines from Fish & Wildlife and something about a donkey in Tuscaloosa?” You glanced up at him in question. 

He chuckled, sounding nervous, and gave you a reassuring smile. “That’s not— The donkey thing was a misunderstanding.”

Right. “Oh, I’m sure.”

“No, really. We ran into a situation and we tried to free him when these cops saw us and—”

You held up a hand. “I really don’t need the details. It’s fine. But Reenie did say you should Venmo her.”

He pressed his lips together and dropped his gaze to the papers, nodding. “Sure. I’ll get right on that.” You studied him as he studied the paperwork and despite the suspicious donkey thing and your decision to already back off, you kind of wished he would get right on you. 

You heard a throat clearing next to you and turned to find Colter glancing between you, that frown on his face again. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes once more. Whatever, Colter had no business looking like that. He’d had his chance and he’d fucked it up, royally. Instead of giving that pretend jealousy shit the time of day, you snatched a few more fries off of his plate and glanced back and forth between the two men as you chewed. “You two look nothing alike, by the way.”

“He should be so lucky,” Russell teased his brother before turning that smile back on you. You almost wished you hadn’t indulged in an all night booze fest and had a fresh change of clothes. You must look like a wreck right now, more than what you’d seen in the rearview mirror earlier, and you probably smelled like one, too. Desperately trying to tamp down the images popping into your brain of this man underneath you and those hands of his gripping onto your hips, you stole more fries from the plate near you.

“Seriously, Y/N, why don’t you just go get your own food? The trucks are right there.” Colter hated it when you did this which is exactly why you did it. 

You arched a brow over at him as you chewed. “You buying?” When he didn’t answer fast enough, you snatched even more fries from him. “Didn’t think so.”

“I am,” Russell interjected, smirking over at you. “Just tell me what you’d like and I’d be more than happy to get it for you.”

His voice deepened on that last part and it made parts of you clench. You bet he would. Why the fuck did Colter have to have a brother? And why did it have to be this guy who was watching you like the Big Bad Wolf, looking like he would gobble you up the second you’d let him? Who had a roguish grin to match? Besides, based on what Reenie had said during your quick interlude at the airport, Colter’s brother had been hitting on her big time. She had warned you to tread carefully due to his connection to this case Colter was looking into. That his brother might try to charm his way into peeking at the files for his brother that you were carrying among other things, but this information was meant to go strictly into Colter’s hands. You were almost insulted at her implying that you weren’t a damn professional and that you were so easily led by your libido (it had been almost six months which was a damn drought for you). It was almost as if she knew you too well (she did).

Even though you didn’t plan on going there, at all, you couldn’t resist, lifting your sunglasses to your head, not caring how bloodshot or tired your eyes looked. “Anything I’d like?”

He leaned forward slightly. “Whatever you want,” he promised, the look in his gaze making the same vow but for something completely different.

You leaned forward, too. “Well, in that case…” When you noticed him moving an inch more towards you, hanging onto what you would say next, you grabbed his box of fries out from underneath him. You smirked triumphantly and plucked a fry in between your fingers, popping it into your mouth. 

Instead of getting annoyed like Colter had, he quietly laughed and seemed plenty entertained as he watched you pick up another fry that had red sauce partially covering it. “I should warn you. I’m a sriracha on fries kind of guy.”

You glanced at the fry and then back at him, shrugging. “Oh, I’ve had way hotter things in my mouth than this, trust me.” You never broke eye contact as you slipped the fry past your lips, not reacting in the slightest when the spicy taste came into contact with your tongue. Russell’s eyes darkened and you had the distinct feeling that if you weren’t in public right now and Colter wasn’t here, you’d be at serious risk of him testing that theory.

“Okay,” Colter interrupted. “Let’s focus on the case, please.” He almost sounded irritated which made you glance over to see him glaring in both yours and Russell’s direction. You laughed to yourself and continued eating your stolen fries and sipping your modified version of an Irish coffee. As much as Colter’s annoyance amused you, you were also grateful that he was reminding you why you were there. You needed to get your horny ass in check.

“So this is everything Reenie could find on them?” He asked.

You shrugged. Reenie hadn’t exactly given you all the particulars and you assumed that was purposeful on her part for whatever the reason. Not that it bothered you in the slightest; you had your own shit to worry about. Besides, she also implied Colter would fill you in on everything once you caught up with him.

He looked displeased and then shook his head at you. “Why did she even bother sending you?”

You got angry then. How dare he? It’s not like you wanted to be sent on this fun little errand at the whims of the lawyer who was hellbent on helping him at every turn. “Hey. I traveled on two annoying ass flights to get here, dealing with chatty old ladies and misogynistic perverts, to hand deliver you this shit and to assist wherever I can. Without any warning or time to even pack a toothbrush, I might add. All while I have my own caseload to work on, thank you very much. To help you out and fast. So how about a goddamn thank you instead of whatever this is?” You gestured towards him. He went to reply, but you cut him off. “And while you’re turning that ungrateful frown upside down, why don’t you tell me what exactly it is you’re working on?”

Russell spoke up then, prompting you to look over at him. “A buddy of mine went missing and we’re trying to track him down. His wife called me and asked me to look into it. Colter’s helping.”

That quelled your irritation slightly and you pressed your lips together. You could only imagine how sick with worry this guy’s wife must be; you knew that feeling all too well. “I’m sorry to hear it,” you offered, your tone as genuine and sympathetic as you could make it. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Colter watching you, his frown gone, now replaced by the same sympathy you were feeling. You hated it so you decided to ignore it. “How long ago did he go missing?”

“A few days back. He was returning home after a grocery store run but he disappeared from a gas station while filling up.”

Your brows furrowed. “Taken?”

Russell shook his head. “No. He ran off. It looked like someone may have been after him.” 

Colter slid over the file to you, nodding when you glanced at him questioningly. “Doug Thompson. Former military. Now working for these guys as a private contractor.” Well, now Reenie’s explicit instructions made more sense. 

You opened the file and skimmed the papers as quickly as you could. “Wow,” you murmured. “So these guys are no joke.”

“No, they’re not.” You glanced up to find Russell watching you, all traces of any flirtation and humor gone. “But I don’t think they have anything to do with it. I would’ve heard something if they did.”

Your brows arched in surprise, hearing what he wasn’t exactly saying. “You’re working with them, too?”

He gave you a nod. “I am. We do mostly private security, that kind of thing.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the disbelief in Colter’s expression. He wasn’t buying it either. “Which is code for black ops, am I right?”

Russell tensed. Bingo.

“Which means that whether or not they’re responsible, they’re most likely connected to what’s happening. If someone was really after your friend.”

His jaw tightened. “What makes you say that? It could be anyone.”

You shot him a look and shut the file. “Because I was engaged to someone who did this kind of thing and I know how these things work.”

You watched as his eyes widened slightly and he leaned forward, curious. “Was?”

Ignoring that question and no longer as curious about him, you tossed the file back over to Colter. “Bottom line is this firm is where you should be looking first. Carefully, though. We both know how they like to keep their secrets.” You gave him a thin-lipped smile and sipped your coffee, slipping your sunglasses back on and getting up to head over to the food truck behind him. On your way, you spied a young family nearby. The mother was feeding a baby, smiling as she watched her husband spin his kindergarten-age daughter in circles by the arms, making her giggle. You felt an all-too familiar lump forming in your throat but you forced it back down and continued your trek, coming to a stop at the back of a short line, intending on getting your own food. You weren’t really hungry but you needed a few minutes to regain your bearings before you could switch back into professional mode and be of any help to the brothers.

By the time you returned, Colter sent you a sympathetic glance which you promptly ignored and dug into the case as well as your meal. 

Colter sighed when your car pulled away. He had insisted you go check into a room and clean up while he and Russell made some calls, did some digging, and he would call you if something turned up. You had been only too happy to agree.

Russell turned back to him, after watching you drive off. “Oh, I like her.”

“Of course you do,” Colter muttered.

“Alright, you already gave me the sit rep on you and the lawyer. Now I need one for you and her.” He gestured in the direction you had disappeared in with his thumb. “And don’t hold back because she is…” He gave his brother the perfection sign.

Colter shook his head and wiped his hands with a napkin. “There really isn’t anything to report there, either. We had a…weekend about a year back when I was working a case in her town. Then I got a new case in the next state over and we went our separate ways. Nothing ever came of it.”

Russell continued chewing his fries that you had returned before you left, thinking it over. “There seems to be quite a bit of hostility between you two for just a casual weekend.”

Colter folded his arms on the table. “We didn’t end on the best terms.”

His brother chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee. “Bit of an understatement.” He then wiped his hands clean, too. “So, she’s fair game then, I take it?”

Colter shot him a glare. “No, she’s not. She’s off limits, too.”

“Come on, bro. You already said the lawyer was off limits.” He gave Colter a look. “Are you telling me you’ve got a thing for both of them? Because if you do, I wouldn’t blame you. They’re both—”

“It’s not like that,” Colter interrupted. “With Y/N, it’s… She’s been through a lot.”

Russell nodded and glanced back down at his food. “Yeah, I caught that.”

“The last thing she needs right now is a reminder of any of it.” Russell glanced up to catch Colter eyeing him sharply.

Russell got the message. He hadn’t addressed it at the time but he hadn’t missed it when you claimed to know how companies like Horizon worked or that you had been engaged to someone who worked for one of them. There was obviously a story there. And that combined with your change in demeanor when he mentioned Doug’s disappearance, you referring to your engagement in the past tense, and Colter’s protectiveness of you — Russell had a pretty good idea of what probably happened. It didn’t mean he didn’t like you, though. If he wasn’t mistaken, he had gotten the impression that you had liked him, too. But in the same vein, until he knew what he was working with, he didn’t want to do anything that might cause you to relive anything that you’d rather forget.

“You don’t plan to call her to help with any of this, do you?”

Colter shook his head.

Russell studied his brother, determining if that was the best option here. You were a PI and a damned good one if Reenie Green had sent you to help. It was obvious from his short interactions with the woman that she didn’t suffer fools and there wasn’t a single thing she missed. So he knew you had to be good at your job. Doug was still missing, Tracy was still worried, and they still weren’t any closer to finding any answers. It might be helpful to include you in this. Another pair of discerning eyes was always a good thing. In the end, though, Russell decided against saying anything. Instead, he asked, “So, you sure she’s off limits?” His brother gave him a glare and he couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m just kidding. I got it. Off limits.” 

He also didn’t mention that he had discreetly entered your number into his phone when you inconspicuously slid your business card over to him. At the time, he had thought you were giving him a greenlight to contact you after this was over, but now he realized you probably had known what Colter was going to do all along.

Instead, Russell mentioned the autopsy report he had stolen from the morgue and handed a copy to Colter to peruse. While he studied the paper, Russell discreetly sent you a message so you also had his number and so he could shoot you a text when the time was right.

You were in a store, grabbing some clothes to have for the next few days, not knowing how long you were going to be needed here, when your phone began to ring. One quick glance at the screen had you smirking. Russell Shaw. You had slyly given him your number earlier when Colter wasn’t looking, telling yourself you were making sure you were included in the case so you could do what you were sent here to do. But another smaller part of you had hoped the man would contact you for a whole other reason. You may not have been thrilled to learn what he did for a living but that little fact didn’t have to ruin any possible fun you two could have, right? 

Sure, you felt a little guilty because he was Colter’s brother but you were also a realist. There wasn’t anything happening with Colter and whatever had was never going anywhere. Plus that had been well over a year ago. In your mind, you were free as a bird. So, you made a move; now it was up to Russell to make the next one. And you were hoping this was it.

You slid the green button on your screen and put the phone up to your ear. “Russell Shaw,” you greeted, making sure your voice sounded something akin to warm honey slowly drizzling over some fruit. “I had a feeling you’d be calling me.”

“Could it have something to do with me texting you earlier that I’d call as soon as I had an update?”

“Tomato, tohmato.” Hearing his smooth chuckle come down the line, you continued to sift through a rack of shirts. “So, what can I do for you?”

“A lot it sounds like, if I’m being honest.” His voice had dipped in register much the same way it had in your presence before but the effect it had being spoken directly into your ear like this…well, it was a good thing you had already grabbed a half dozen pairs of panties to have on hand. While it took you a second to recover, you couldn’t help but smile. You had been right earlier; he was definitely interested.

A woman walked right past you and you lowered your voice further. “Do you plan to find out?”

“You bet your ass I will. As soon as I’m free to.”

Fuck. If you weren’t in the middle of a store right now, you may have just asked him to start talking dirty to you right there. You had only been on the phone with him for less than a minute and already you were digging your teeth into your lip to keep a guttural moan from escaping you. This man had you so turned on you were surprised that you could still see straight or that you hadn’t run to the dressing room to temporarily alleviate the fire he had started in your belly that was blazing a trail down in between your legs. That voice and the way he was using it right now…it was pure liquid sex being poured into your ear. Your irritation with Reenie had abated some when you met him, now it was all but gone as were any warnings she gave you about the man as well as the thought of his younger brother. “Good. I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Oh, I hope you do.” That didn’t make you clench down on nothing, not at all. If this continued, you would be in that dressing room in the next thirty seconds, guaranteed. You were already starting to get seriously aroused at the images playing in your head. 

“Trust me, there will definitely be some type of holding going on,” you promised. 

“Don’t I know it,” he nearly growled into your ear. Holy… That was it. You were on your way to the dressing room. The sign said only three items were allowed at a time but you didn’t give a fuck at the bulkload of items in your arm; this was an emergency.

But what he said next after quietly clearing his throat had you stopping in your tracks. “As much as I’d love to continue this conversation, I only have a limited window of time. But I promise, we will pick this up later.”

You nearly let out a whine of disappointment. You very much wanted to continue this conversation right now but it slowly was coming back to you that yes, there was currently a missing persons case that was supposed to be your first priority. His missing friend in fact. Your brain knew that was more important though your body was screaming for something else. He had promised though that you would continue this later, something you could keep in your mind’s eye at the end of this very long and fucked up rainbow. As long as he dove into your pot of gold at the end, you could hold out a few more hours. “You better,” you grumbled.

Another warm chuckle floated down the line.

You turned to another rack of shirts, aggressively working your way through it. “So you said something about an update?”

“Yeah.” You had to admire how quickly he switched gears. While you were still struggling to get your libido under control and you were irritated, he sounded completely professional and nonplussed, as if he hadn’t been just talking to you with that tone of voice or implying what he wanted later on. “I reached out to one of my contacts and we think Doug might be hiding out in a location outside of town. We’re on our way there now to check it out.”

Shame immediately filled you at the mention of his friend. Here you were, horny as hell, about to go take care of yourself in the dressing room a minute ago and possibly ask him to tell you in explicit detail what he’d like to be doing to you if he were there, and Doug was still missing. You were more professional than that — hell, you knew better than that. You shook off the remnants of the last few minutes and went right into work mode. “Alright, you want me to come along for backup?”

“I’d love to have you back us up, but, uh…” 

You frowned at the uncertainty suddenly coating his tone. He wasn’t one of those guys, was he? That would be severely disappointing if he was and quite the mood killer, not to mention his third strike against him. You needed to get laid but not that badly. Though you hadn’t gotten the impression that he was one of those misogynistic assholes who thought a woman didn’t know her way around the big scary noisemakers known as guns earlier. “But what?” You snapped.

“Colter thinks you should sit this one out.”

Your jaw tightened and you quickly moved away from the mother and daughter that had just moved near you, lowering your voice. “That motherf— I don’t give a flying fuck what Colter thinks. I am not being sidelined.” You fucking knew it. The minute you had heard what the actual case was, seeing Colter’s gaze of sympathy directed at you — you fucking knew he would try to pull this shit.

“I think he’s just worried about you. You know? After what you’ve been through…”

That pulled you up short. “Exactly what did he tell you?”

“Uh, not much. He just thought this kind of situation might hit a little too close to home.”

You muttered a curse under your breath and made your way to the cashier. Fucking Colter. You knew you should have never told him about what happened with your fiance. He was the type of guy who would keep that in mind every time something like this came up. Hell, you were pretty sure that was partially the reason he had bounced out of your apartment so fast at the end of the long weekend you’d spent together. Sure, he had snagged another case, but you would never forget the look in his eyes as he quickly dressed — the same look you had seen at lunch earlier. At that time, you had liked Colter and you didn’t think your past would be something that could be held against you. Even though your time together had been strictly casual, he had talked to you about his father a little bit and he had seen a picture of Nate in your living room. What were you supposed to do when he asked you about it? Lie? After he had just shared something so personal with you? After he had slept with you four times thus far? You weren’t ashamed of your time with Nate and you had loved the man, been ready to spend the rest of your life with him before he lost his. That was just a tragic fact in your life. Never in a million years did you imagine that not only would it kick someone out your door so fast but now it would prevent you from being able to do your job.   

“Is it?”

You had completely forgotten you were still on the phone, silently fuming about this sudden development. “Is it what?” You dumped your clothes on the counter and gave a nod to the cashier in return when she greeted you.

“Is it hitting a little too close?”

You decided to nip this shit right in the bud. “Okay, Shaw, you listen to me and you listen good. It doesn’t matter if it’s hitting too close as you put it, or not. I do my job and nothing gets in the way of that. Just because your asshat of a brother has apparently decided that I’m some fragile flower of a woman that needs protecting from my own feelings doesn’t mean shit. I’m damn good at what I do and I’m a fucking professional. You hear me?” You handed the woman your credit card, noticing she was giving you an approving nod. You had forgotten that she was hearing every word of this side of the conversation. 

“Yes, ma’am.”

That was all you wanted to hear. “Good. Now, when are you going to send me that location so I can meet you?” You took the bag from the cashier, quietly thanking her, and made your way out of the store. 

“Tell you what. We’re only about thirty minutes out. From where you are, it’s about an hour and a half drive. Why don’t you let us check it out first and if it’s no dice, you can meet us on the way back into town? We’ll regroup and work it together from there on out.”

You tossed your bag in the backseat of your car. “Shaw,” you growled. “What did I just say?”

“This isn't that,” he assured you. “It’s a matter of us working against the clock. We’ve got to get to Doug before the guys looking for him do. That’s all this is.” 

You placed a hand on your hip and unclenched your jaw. He had a point and you also heard what he wasn’t saying: you racing up there to meet them would only slow them down and Doug couldn’t afford that. “Alright, is there anything I can do to help from here?”

“Not at the moment but keep your phone on. Depending on how this goes, we may need to lock down an address and quickly. And for that, we’re going to need you. I’m assuming you have an FBI contact somewhere?”

You pressed your lips together and got into your car. “I know someone,” you confirmed. “He owes me a favor or two.”

“I really want to say something right now at the idea of you and favors and me being the one to close out that guy’s tab but I can’t. My window of time is closing in about fifteen seconds.”

You smirked, shaking your head. “Pretty sure you just did.”

He cleared his throat one more time, affecting an even more professional tone than you’d heard from him thus far. “Got to go. Keep your phone on. I’ll text you as soon as I know what the situation is.” 

“Okay, will do.” You briefly closed your eyes, deciding the hell with it. “And, Russell?”

“Yeah?”

“Be careful,” you quietly urged, digging your teeth into your bottom lip. Despite what you said to him before, hearing speak in a way that was similar to Nate had your nerves sitting a little bit on edge, now knowing what he and his friend Doug did for a living and what he and Colter could possibly be walking into. 

“Copy that,” he responded, making you realize that his limited window of time he mentioned had expired and he was no longer alone. Sure enough, you could hear the sounds of a car door shutting in the background.

“Keep me updated.”

“Will do. Talk soon.” Before you could say anything else, the line disconnected. Even though you’d heard the confirmation of why he had to go so quickly, a part of you irrationally worried for a second that you had probably scared him off. That your warning him to be careful only cemented whatever Colter had said about you to him and why the former wanted to keep you sidelined. You had meant what you said earlier; you were a professional and your personal tragedies would never get in the way of your job. But that didn’t mean that an age-old worry you’d had every time Nate had gone to work didn’t immediately resurface the minute you were faced with a similar situation. And even though you were pissed at Colter, you also didn’t want him to get hurt.

The moment you figured you had screwed yourself with Russell, and not in the good way, an alert sounded on your phone. You glanced at your screen and saw a new text message from the very man you had just been thinking about. 

“We’ve got this. I’ll text you the minute we’re done checking it out.”

A small smile formed on your face and you texted back a genuine “Thank you”. You forced yourself to take a deep breath and get your head back in the game. You still had to find a motel to check into and you also had to be ready in case they did end up needing that address Russell had mentioned. You quickly looked up motels on your phone, weeding out the ones with the worse reviews, and settling on a place. You fired up Google Maps and started the car, intent on getting a room and firing up your laptop to check on a few cases to keep you busy while you were waiting. That had always been the worst part for you: the waiting. Waiting for a phone call or text to let you know Nate was okay after a job even though he couldn’t tell you the details of said job. So you were determined to place your focus elsewhere but also be ready in case you were needed. 

You truly hoped the brothers found Doug alive at this location they were headed to and that the danger, if any, was minimal. That it was truly nothing the two couldn’t handle together.

Russell quickly hung up with you the minute Colter hopped back into his truck. His brother had stopped to get some coffee at Russell’s insistence though Colter had kept repeating they shouldn’t be stopping. When the latter didn’t immediately get out to go get the beverages after they parked, Colter arched his brows expectantly. Russell had given him a wide smile. “Mind getting it quick?” He waved his phone at the man, indicating he needed to make a call.

Colter looked less than pleased but gave him a nod, most likely assuming it was a call to one of Russell’s contacts that should remain unknown as his older brother had intended, and left. Russell removed his sunglasses and immediately pressed the phone icon next to your name, calling you.

Now, he definitely knew three things: you had lost someone to this type of work, you were a little bit of a spitfire and he liked you even more now, and he was definitely going to pay you a visit after he closed up this whole thing with Doug and got the man back to his wife in one piece. 

Sure, when he’d first seen you, you had been somewhat hostile but entertaining and you’d been a hot mess. One hell of a hot mess in his opinion. Then you’d been flirty, checking him out, and you had even stolen his fries to use them for implications that definitely hadn’t been lost on him (or Colter for that matter, the glare his brother graced you with when you weren’t looking he hadn’t seen since they were kids). Though he’d clocked your change in demeanor when Doug’s situation was brought up and hadn’t missed your evading his question about your engagement status, he couldn’t resist eyeing you up as you walked over to the food truck behind him, nearly whistling at the perfection he was staring at. Not to mention, he liked your spunk and that only made him want you that much more. Then when you plopped back down with your food, completely in professional mode and talking over the case quickly before Colter sent you off, he was even more impressed and he just knew he had to take his shot with you. Under him, over him, to the side of him — whatever you wanted, he was game. No matter what Colter had to say on the matter. Unless his brother had feelings for you, he was going for it the first chance he got.

Colter handed him his coffee, nodding at Russell’s thanking him. “You get anything?”

“Nothing more than we already know.” He placed his sunglasses back on and sipped at his coffee, feeling slightly bad for lying to his brother. He knew Colter’s “off limits” was more about protecting you than it was anything else. But he also had just gotten his brother to start talking to him again, to work Doug’s disappearance with him, and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Nothing within reason, anyway. So a little white lie needed to be told; he’d done it before and way worse. Besides, he also didn’t think it was fair that Colter didn’t allow you the decision of whether you wanted to be involved in this or not. While he could appreciate his little brother looking out for you like the good man he’d turned out to be, everyone deserved to make their own well-informed choices. Considering your ex had been former military turned private contractor, you more than knew what you were dealing with. You had made a good point earlier: your history shouldn’t impact the job you had come here to do. And far be it from Russell to be the one to stand in your way and keep you from doing just that. Plus, they could really use your help if this safehouse Ann had given them didn’t pan out. 

Colter nodded and backed out of the parking spot. “Onward to the safe house. No more stops, right?”

“Right,” Russell confirmed. While Colter was distracted, he discreetly adjusted himself. There had been a moment in your conversation there that he had been tempted to tell you just how hard your sexy-as-hell voice and heavy flirtation had gotten him. But he knew once he did that, there would be no going back and either he’d have to jerk off in his brother’s truck (which would just be awkward especially if Colter returned quickly) or he’d have to somehow sneak into the coffee shop and make his way to the bathrooms so he could rub one out in there. Though that might also prove to be awkward if anyone else walked in to overhear the absolutely filthy things he would be murmuring into your ear from a stall, all of the promises he’d make about what he wanted to do to that sweet body of yours as soon as he had the chance, the sounds of him whacking it echoing loudly in the small space along with his deep groans. There had even been once or twice he’d gently rubbed the bulge in his jeans as you talked, only backing off when it got to be too much and he was about to break, close to ordering you to go somewhere private where you could touch yourself as well while also making sure you could be loud enough so he could hear every amazing sound he knew you would make. Hell, when you’d laid down the law to him, he’d nearly unzipped his jeans and stuck his hand inside to get some relief right there. Not that he didn’t hear what you were saying, not that he didn’t respect it or you, but damn if that little bit of fire you’d thrown his way didn’t turn him on even more. When he had answered you with “Yes, ma’am” a part of him had definitely been saluting you, no doubt about it.

Then he heard someone talking to you in the background, presumably a store clerk since it sounded like you had been told an amount for whatever you were buying. He had the quick thought, or hope, that maybe you were in a Victoria’s Secret or one of those places, buying a little something for him to unwrap you out of later on. Realizing just how much lust had fogged up his brain during this conversation, he dropped his head back against the seat, shut his eyes, and compulsively swallowed. He was immediately determined to keep his cool for the rest of your chat, especially when he opened his eyes to see Colter holding the coffee shop door open for an elderly couple walking inside, coffee cups stacked in his other hand. From there, he’d kept things professional and brief, though he hadn’t been able to resist getting that one last tease in before Colter opened the door. 

And then he’d heard your warning, detecting a note of worry in it, so he’d done what he could to reassure you with the text message he just discreetly sent you. He appreciated the fact that while this case might be stirring up some feelings from the past, you still had gone ahead and told him to be safe. He knew it was meant for both him and Colter, you obviously knowing how dangerous the job could be, but he was still getting used to him being included in that group. It was a little strange for him if he was honest. Other than Tracy saying it when he would pick Doug up for a job and the occasional conversation with Dory where he mentioned he was about to go to work, there was no one else who told him to be careful, to be safe. He found he kind of liked the idea and that only increased his appreciation of your situation, especially now having an even better idea of what you might be currently experiencing. He was no stranger to trauma, that was for sure, and so he could only imagine the thoughts racing through your mind right now, you being pissed off at Colter or not, you having just met him or not. He didn’t intend to give you cause for any more worry. No, he intended to give you something else when all was said and done. He couldn’t help but smirk at the thought.    

But now — now, it was go time. He needed to clear his head and focus on the job. He needed to get Doug back to his wife alive. Colter had made Tracy a promise that both brothers were intent on keeping. And Russell had made you a promise, one he was determined as hell to see through. 

You were just leaving the bathroom wrapped in a towel, your hair damp and sitting on one shoulder after you just squeezed the water out of it, when you heard a knock on your motel room door. 

You frowned, wondering who it could be, thinking maybe it was Colter. He always had a way of finding you when that was the last thing you wanted him to do. Truthfully, you had bitched him out earlier when he called you to inform you that he had just successfully delivered Doug back home to his wife, alive and unharmed. He and Russell had found the man at the safehouse and he told them who he had been running from. While Colter didn’t share that information, you gathered from what he did share that it had something to do with a job he and Russell had done for Horizon in the past. You kept your mouth shut but you shook your head. You knew it. Doing that kind of work was always dangerous and always carried risks like that. 

They made the long drive back and now the case was closed. Something you already knew thanks to the text message Russell had sent you already confirming this but you didn’t let on to Colter that you knew. Instead, you proceeded to tell him to stop treating you like a fragile porcelain doll and from there it quickly became heated between you two. The conversation ended soon after with neither of you willing to budge and you let out an aggravated sigh when you hit the end call button. You were grateful he and Russell were okay, but the former could drive you up a wall sometimes. If you could go back in time, you would definitely have told him to get lost when he showed up on your doorstep that one Friday night.

That immediately made you think of Russell and you realized you hadn’t texted him back yet. Colter had called right after you received the text message, with you assuming they had just gotten back into an area with service, and he had told you they had Doug and he’d call again when they got him safely home. You had sat on pins and needles, trying to focus on your most prevalent case, but the worry gnawed at you. Colter’s tone had not been his usual calm, devil-may-care one. It was coated with concern, not something you heard from him too often. So you had been distracted until Colter called you again and then the rest was history.

You slid over to Russell’s name on your screen and tried to call him but it went straight to voicemail. A different worry began to gnaw at you this time, the worry that you had indeed scared him off earlier. He had thought twice about it and decided you weren’t worth getting involved with, not even for the casual one night stand. The disappointment sat in your chest for a moment until you got angry. Between the argument with Colter and now Russell bailing on the plans he had implied to you that he wanted to keep, you were done. You hopped up and grabbed the bottle of whiskey you had purchased earlier, twisted off the cap, and took a swig. Well, it looked like it would be another dry night for you and your trip out here had been a complete waste. Colter hadn’t wanted your help and now you weren’t bumping pelvises with his hot older brother either so it was a lose-lose for you. As usual.

You swigged some more whiskey before deciding it was time for that shower you had been craving since this morning. Sure, you could take care of yourself in there and it might ease some of this angry tension in your body that Colter had helped to create, but you were too annoyed. You had angrily slammed your laptop shut and headed for the bathroom, intent on washing all of the bullshit from the last twenty four hours away.

And now, Colter had decided to show up. Of course he had. He might have a thing for Reenie that he refused to acknowledge (as did she), but he was angry (something not usual for him), worked up, and you were in town. Of course he’d show up wanting a repeat performance of the angry sex you’d had in the past. While you could really use the lay to get you out of this drought you found yourself in, you had no desire to go back there and you were definitely not in the mood.

That didn’t mean you wouldn’t give him a tease of what he couldn’t have, though. Not after that argument. Which is exactly why you decided to answer the door dressed (or underdressed) as you were. But when you angrily swung the door open, the person staring back at you in momentary shock was not Colter Shaw. You were shocked yourself; how the hell had he found you?   

Russell’s gaze darkened as he took all of you in. You noticed that he had changed his clothes and his hair looked slightly damp, as if he had recently taken a shower himself. “Hey,” he greeted, his voice dipping in register again. 

And just like that, as if a button had been pressed with that deep tone of his, you were back in the mood. You smirked and leaned against the door. “Hey,” you silkily replied. “Not the Shaw brother I was expecting.”

“But the one you were hoping for, right?” Russell’s wolfish grin was back, completely undeterred by your teasing.

You pretended to think it over for a moment. “Depends.” You grabbed at his jacket and yanked him in closer to you, making him chuckle as you swung the door shut behind him. “What does this brother plan to do?”

“Like I said,” He used that voice again, making goosebumps rise along your skin. “Whatever you want.”

“Exactly what I wanted to hear.” You lifted up and wrapped your arms around his neck, the movement forcing the towel to fall from your body, as you pushed your lips to his. You ran your fingers through his hair and greedily kissed him, nearly moaning into his mouth when his tongue delved into yours and his hands palmed at your ass. If he moved those fingers a little lower, he would find you already practically dripping for him. If you weren’t so busy trying to keep your balance as he proceeded to devour you, you might have marveled at the effect this man had on your body.  

A moment later, he gripped your ass tightly and picked you up, prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist. You could feel the covered bulge against you and you couldn’t help trying to grind a little against it, trying to get some friction.

When you both needed air, you moved to his neck, yanking his head backwards and making him chuckle as you went to town on him. You could also hear him letting out tiny groans above you as he tried to catch his breath. It was one of the hottest fucking things you’d ever heard and you intended on hearing more before the night’s end. “I should tell you before we go any further,” he panted.

“Mmmm, the only thing I need to know is if you’re clean. Because I really want that in my mouth.” You reached below to squeeze his erection, making his breath catch that was then let out in a quiet hiss.

“I-I’m clean,” he assured you.

“Good, me too,” you murmured, nibbling on his ear. “You just need to make sure to pull out and we’re golden.” 

“Okay. I, uh, I also came packing.”

You moved your hand over him and squeezed once more, earning another drawn out hiss of “shit”. “You certainly did.”

He moved you back so he could look at you, his eyes the darkest you’d seen them yet. He cupped your cheek, gliding his thumb along your bottom lip before gently placing it inside your mouth against your tongue. You sucked the digit in further, moaning around it. His gaze was so transfixed on your mouth that you couldn’t help but snicker and release his thumb with a pop. “Russell.”

His gaze slowly trailed upwards to meet yours.

“Was there something you wanted to tell me?” You teased as you rubbed earnestly at his erection. 

“Uh,” You noticed his eyes close briefly when you rubbed near where the tip was located. You could feel a little wet spot forming on the denim underneath your ministrations and it made you grin. “Uh, Colter said you were off limits.”

Your hand immediately stopped its motion. Oh no, that motherfucker had not. He had no claim to you and whatever moment you two had back in the day had long since passed, along with the several women he’d bedded after you including Reenie. There was no way in hell he got to play the dibs card or tell you and Russell, two consenting adults, what to do. You planned to tell him that the next time you spoke with him, if you ever did again. For now, though, you only wanted to focus on the man whose fingers were hungrily roaming over your bare ass and lower, groaning when he found your own wet spot.

You cupped his chin, making sure he was looking straight at you as you stated in the sexiest voice you could manage, “I think you mean no limits. Right, Russell?”

He groaned and held you to him as he hurriedly walked you over to the bed. “Fuck, I knew I liked you.” You let out a giggle as he tossed you gently onto the bed that was quickly cut off by a moan when his body immediately covered yours and his tongue plundered your mouth.

A sudden thought occurred to you and you nearly chuckled against his lips. You had seen the way he had been eyeing you up earlier today and you realized you had the man completely pegged right then. Because just like the Big Bad Wolf, he proceeded to consume you completely, before the tables turned and you did some devouring of your own.

[inklore]

garage rooftop

premise: the lines of friendship or something more grow more blurry the longer your eyes move from each mole, his cheek bones, his dark eyes, his lips. and you really don't understand why the two of you hadn't become something more ages ago.

pairing: ben solo x (f)reader

word count: 1k

contents: college au, fluff like this is nothing but fluff with one sexual innuendo and that's it, friends to lovers, quick mention of han being a lackluster dad sorry it's for the plot.

note: let's ignore that i actually wrote this back in april and just never got around to editing it but now that i'm in my driver era i had to come back to it. the title is from this song that i highly rec listening to while reading <3

The way his face morphs into something that was once joyful and silly—the blissed high that paints your cheeks red from laughing too hard over being overheated from how weightless it feels to be laying on the roof of your apartment building. The space decked out with rugs, blankets, and cushions from past and current tenants, mostly college kids like yourselves. 

Making it the perfect place to get high and look up at the sky at night. The city lights outshine the stars, but the clouds—and the strain of ganja Poe recently snagged from his dealer—give the same ethereal effect. 

“Why haven’t we ever...”

“Ever what, Solo? Dated?” There’s a pause between your words, and a slow, sly smirk moves across your lips as you look over at him. “Fucked?” 

The blush painting his cheeks quickly moves down to his neck as he shakes his head in laughter, biting his lower lip to hide whatever feelings are currently making him look like a shy schoolboy—something he was far from. 

It’s the “both. Why haven’t we done any of it?” That makes you both fall silent. That makes the joyfulness fade and something else fill the air the longer the silence spreads between the two of you. 

And it’s not the weirdest question or the wildest thing that’s come out of either of your mouths. 

It’s a question that makes you wonder, why? Seriously why? With the longer you stare at him, the more you take in the nervous tick of his chiseled jaw. The way his dark hair falls into his face each time he laughs and he has to continuously push it out of his eyes. How the crook of his nose looks oddly kissable and more attractive than you’ve noticed it before when it’s this close to your face. 

When the haze from the weed is making your body feel limitless and swoony. 

It’s a feeling that has you turning on your side. Putting a hand under your head shifts your body closer to Ben’s. Smiling when he doesn’t act phased in mirroring you, his body moving in the same motions and position as yours. Now putting the two of you so close that you can feel his breath hit your face, and the space between your legs barely exists without some part of him touching it. 

The two of you had been friends for forever, it seemed. Stuck in the woes of academia, making your parents proud does that to you. Makes you lose track of time and forget how the two of you became friends after getting into an argument over a Hamlet book in the library. 

A fight Finn quickly broke up, but Poe enthusiastically cheered on. 

The lot of you—Rose and Rey included—became inseparable after that day. Something that didn’t have a timestamp or expiration in your mind. It just happened. 

And now you have four best friends, and you’re coming to the conclusion that you’ve possibly liked one more than that. The lines of friendship or something more growing more and more blurry the longer your eyes moved from each mole, each scar, and each strand of hair. His cheek bones, his dark eyes, his lips. And you really don't understand why the two of you hadn’t become something more ages ago.

“Have you wanted to?” 

“The fact that you’re asking me tells me that you’ve never noticed. I’m not that subtle.” 

“Nose stuck in a book at all times, Ben, not subtle?” You make a sarcastic face, “yeah, who would ever think you’re subtle?” 

His knee nudges your thigh as his cheeks rise in that smile that makes his eyes crinkle at the edges. “You think I’d let Poe or Rey borrow my stuff? Steal my takeout from the fridge—which I know you do—without consequence?”

“In their defense, Poe and Rey have three late library books from two years ago and only you and I like the takeout you get from the bodega on the corner, so…it’s not really a fair asses-”

The squeal that comes from his fingers digging into your sides, pinching the skin at your hip and rib bones, fills the air and knocks the wind out of you all at the same time as you realize the position the two of you have wrestled yourselves in. 

Strands of dark hair moving against your forehead, your fingers instinctively reach up to brush the strands from both of your faces. Ben’s lips so close to yours that all it would take is a heavy breath and you’d be kissing. The relaxing rhythm of your heart now feeling like a hammer in your chest. 

Ben’s fingers run along your jawline, resting at your chin. 

“What if we did?” He asks. Searches your face for any reaction or indication that the subject should be changed. That he should stop asking, and the two of you should move away and pretend like this never happened. Go back to how things were—which was clearly not subtle and most definitely screaming ‘I’m in love with my best friend’. 

“Why have you never asked until now?” You answer with a question. 

“Losing my best friend is not the traumatic life experience I’d like to put on my resume beside divorced parents and an absent father.” He jokes, his smile playful, as the pad of his thumb draws small circles against the skin of your jaw. 

“No wonder you’re unemployed.” The two of you laugh, breaths mingling in the joys of this moment. Of the jokes that come easy and the touches that seem to come even easier. But then there's silence, and you’re leaning closer to him, a feathering touch of your lips against his as you murmur, “maybe you should stop being so afraid, Ben Solo. And have me.” 

And if you’ve ever felt like there was something missing—some cataclysmic event in your life that could rewire your nervous system and make you feel like you’ve been barely making it, your heart barely beating and keeping you alive: Ben’s mouth is the puzzle piece as he brings your mouths together in a bruising kiss. 

[onceuponastory]

an unexpected meeting - bucky barnes x reader

But I'm so fucking lonely, no one really knows me You are still a heart I hope to hold - weekends by freya ridings Plot: Two years after breaking up with his girlfriend, Bucky unexpectedly bumps into her again. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader (previously) Warnings: Mentions of a breakup and heartbreak, Bucky isolating himself and blaming himself after what happened with HYDRA/The Winter Soldier, and with the breakup. He also self sabotages himself a lot in this. A few tiny mentions of nightmares, blood and violence but nothing too graphic. And of course, some angst. But as always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: This is for @angstober Day 12: "On Our Own." Please ignore that I'm one day late. Sue me. I love this song so much, so I had to write this based on it.

Not beta'd, so any mistakes are my own.

Making his way down the street, Bucky shivers, wrapping his coat tightly around himself as another bitterly cold wind blows against his face. The temptation to just go home and forget today is too real. But deep down, he knows he has to do this.  Bucky has been reclusive for the last two years, shutting himself up in his apartment and only going out for missions and essentials. His friends tried to convince him to come out, whether for coffee or something stronger, but Bucky still rarely left the safe space of his New York apartment. He prefers to be alone. It’s better to be alone.

Or at least, that’s what he kept telling himself as he sat alone in his apartment night after night, hearing the noise of the hustle and bustle outside, as he scrolled through his friends’ countless pictures together, seeing how happy they were together, without him…. And as he tried desperately to ignore how isolated he felt.

That was Bucky’s life until a few weeks ago, when Steve and Sam stepped in and insisted that getting out in the fresh air would do him the world of good. Bucky wasn’t so sure about their promises, but since the alternative was his two best friends dragging him outside themselves, going outside on his own terms sounded much more appealing. And walking to the store to buy some things is small, it’s manageable. It’s not like a mission or something more serious. 

And although he’d rather die than admit it to them… he was getting fed up with being stuck inside his apartment all the time, staring at the same four walls day in and day out. Steve and Sam just gave him the push he needed. 

That and he’s dangerously close to running out of coffee. Priorities.

He soon reaches the store, grabbing a basket and heading inside. The sooner he leaves, the better. He wanders around aimlessly, looking down at the various fruits and vegetables on offer. No doubt Steve and Sam would tell him he needs to eat more of those. He grabs some apples and plums, tossing them into the basket with little thought.

And then, he sees her, standing alone by the grapes. He’s shocked to see her here, of all places. In fact, most times he’s seen Y/N, she’s been a hallucination, gone in the blink of an eye when Bucky tried to get too close. But no matter how much he blinks, and how long he keeps his eyes closed, Y/N is still there. And she looks just as beautiful as she always does. Bucky’s heart begins to beat quicker, and his stomach churns in a weird mixture of excitement and fear.

He hasn’t seen her since they broke up, and when Bucky decided he was better off alone. Not because of anything Y/N did, though. God no, it was never Y/N’s fault. She’s the most beautiful, loving woman in the world, with a smile that puts the sun to shame. And that’s exactly why he broke up with her. 

After everything he’s been through with HYDRA and his work as an Avenger, Bucky's life is an intense and dangerous one. When they were still together, Y/N insisted she was fine with him being away for months and didn’t mind staying up beside the phone all night, anxiously awaiting to hear if he was still alive. But Bucky knew she was lying. Love or not, nobody wants to deal with that from their partner, to say goodbye and wonder if they'd ever come home again. Not just that, Bucky knows he’s a lot to deal with. With his troubled past, he has many... issues, to put it mildly. Issues he doesn’t want to drag Y/N into, ever. With all the innocent blood he’s spilled, Bucky knows he doesn’t deserve anything good. 

Especially not Y/N. All Bucky ever wanted was to protect her from certain heartbreak. So, he walked away, promising her it was the best thing for her. And he’s regretted the break up ever since. That’s why he’s locked himself away for so long - he couldn’t bear the thought of life without her, of going to places they loved without her, knowing that a piece of himself is missing, yet being unable to get it back no matter how hard he tried. But most of all, he couldn’t live knowing that it’s his fault everything fell apart.

And now, here she is. Right beside him at the store. Just the two of them.

“Y/N.” His voice is soft, almost as if he doesn’t believe that she’s actually there this time, and no longer a figment of his imagination. His words are nothing more than a whisper in the wind. And yet, despite how interested she’s pretending to be in this fruit, how long it’s been since she’s heard his voice, and how quiet it is, Y/N still hears it. It’s almost as if his words brush against her cheek, just like the way his lips did the last time he kissed her. When she cried and begged him to stay, insisting that whatever it was, they could just work it out if he would just please listen. And Bucky just shook his head, kissing her softly and promising that this was for the best. He still remembers the warmth of her skin as his lips brushed against hers, and the feeling of her tears rolling down her cheeks as she continued to ask him to stay. Although Bucky knows his tears were mixed with hers, too. That day, he savoured every moment he could, knowing it would be the last time he would ever see her.

But like he said, he looked for her, though, being disappointed every time. But this time, it’s real.

Y/N turns to him, locking eyes with him once more. The last time she did that was when he walked out, their relationship destroyed beyond repair. Because of him. And once again, Bucky reminds himself that it’s all his fault. “Bucky. Hi.” She smiles. Her smile looks different, and doesn’t reach her eyes like the usual warm ones that he’s used to. Back when things were great between them. Clearly, the breakup has affected her too.

“Of course it did, you idiot. She loved you.” Deep in Bucky’s gut, that familiar feeling of guilt twinges again. The same one he feels whenever he remembers just what he did to all those poor souls. Y/N never judged him for that, though. She sat with him every night, holding him as he screamed and thrashed around. Running her fingers through his hair, whispering sweet nothings whilst she peppered kisses across his body, knowing it calmed him down. 

He never deserved her. That’s why he let her go.

But it feels so wrong now. The bitter taste of regret seeps through him.

“How are you?” She asks. It’s a polite response, thankfully… but it’s curt. Before, she used to ask him to tell him every aspect about his day, anything he could share about his missions. Just something more than this. And as he spoke about everything and nothing, she’d hang onto his every word. Now, though, she looks like she couldn’t care less. 

And despite this raw, aching feeling in his chest, Bucky knows he deserves it. He can't destroy their relationship and then reappear to mend the pieces after two years.

“Good. Good.” He lies. “So, um… what are you up to?” He asks, regretting his words the moment they leave his mouth. 

“Getting groceries.” Y/N replies, another curt response. “Like you evidently.” She gestures to his basket.

“Oh. Right.” Because of course she is. Why else would she be here? And then, an uncomfortable silence descends, enveloping the two of them so deeply they could drown in it. But Bucky’s been drowning in the consequences of his actions for a long time.

This time, though, he’s been spat back out… and what a hellish form of karma this is.

“Was I not enough for you?” She asks, bluntly. The question takes him aback. He wasn’t expecting this question, of all things. …But she deserves the truth, and to ask him whatever she wants after it ended the way it did.

“Of course you were enough, Y/N. I promise you that.” She was more than enough, more than he could ever deserve, especially after the things he’s done. In fact, that’s probably why he ruined their relationship. Because whilst Y/N nurtures and supports everything she touches, Bucky destroys them. And he refused to let Y/N be the next thing he destroyed. But with the way she looks at him now, Bucky knows he’s destroyed her too. And that realisation hurts more than anything he’s ever done.

“You had a funny way of showing it then.” She hisses, loud enough for him to hear. Another strike of guilt. Guilt that he deserves, of course.

“Y/N.” He sighs. “I’m so sorry. Please, just-“

“Hey! There you are!” A man’s voice sounds, cutting through Bucky’s explanation. The man walks up to Y/N, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her temple. Immediately, the icy sting of jealousy wraps itself around Bucky, and his eyes narrow. Who the hell is this guy? He better take good care of Y/N, and treat her like the Queen she is, like Bucky did. Or else… there’ll be trouble. 

“Did you, though?” A little voice in the back of his head pipes up. “Because…I don’t think you ever did. At least, not at the end.” The words hit Bucky like being doused in ice cold water. His lungs constrict, and tears sting in his waterline. 

Although he still loves Y/N, so much so that he wants to shout it from the rooftops, deep down he knows that the voice is right. After what he did… he has no right to feel so protective of her. He has no hold over her heart anymore. 

And besides, maybe Y/N should’ve been protected from him instead.

“Who’s this?” The man asks, looking at Bucky curiously. 

“Um.” Y/N murmurs. A small glimmer of hope lightens deep in Bucky’s gut then. Maybe there’s a slight chance for redemption here, to make things right. Maybe, just maybe, she would say something nice about him, proving her feelings towards him have changed, if even only a little. And perhaps she still feels the same love for him as he does for her. Maybe, somewhere down the line, they can make things right again. “He’s just someone I know.” 

And that makes the flicker of hope inside of him fizzle out into nothing. 

“I’m Bucky. Nice to meet you.” Bucky nods, trying with all his might to not collapse in the middle of the aisle.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Chris.” The man smiles. Bucky stares at him, looking for something, anything, that seems off about Chris. Maybe he’s gripping her arm just too tightly, or shooting her dirty looks when he thinks Bucky isn’t watching. But there’s nothing. Chris seems perfect. He’s the perfect boyfriend Y/N deserves, and the one Bucky failed spectacularly at being.

As Chris makes polite conversation, Bucky nods, glancing around for an exit strategy. Usually, he does that to ensure the safety of his team, and protect them against whichever monster or villain they’re dealing with.

Now though, he’s doing it so his ex-girlfriend, who he definitely isn’t over and her new boyfriend don’t see him start sobbing in the middle of the fruit and vegetable section.

“Well, I better get going.” Bucky quickly announces. “It was nice seeing you Y/N.” 

“Yeah… you too.” She murmurs. Bucky quickly turns and walks away, abandoning his basket somewhere in the store. 

As soon as he’s outside, a few loose tears escape, running down his cheeks despite Bucky's best efforts not to break in public. It feels like his heart is being ripped apart all over again, just like it did when he broke up with Y/N. But this time, though, it hurts even more, like millions of stab wounds to the heart over and over again. 

Thankfully, he makes it home quickly, slamming the door behind him. He barely makes it a few steps before collapsing on the floor, his body wracked with sobs. If he could turn the clock back and fix this, if he could reverse his actions, he would.

But he can’t. He made his choice, and now he has to live with it. 

Despite how much it hurts. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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[ghostinthelibrarywrites]

if you have time i would love to see what you do with prompt number #5 “i can’t believe i married you” with geraskier please!! i feel like geralt would say this when jaskier is being silly and ridiculous but also jaskier would use it when geralt gives him only one good morning kiss instead of two lol. but only if you have time!!!! 💖✨💖✨

Jaskier is still half-asleep as he shuffles to the fridge, his eyes bleary and unfocused after a late night of composing. Hoping for a few slices of last night’s leftover pizza, he opens the fridge, only to let out a little shriek of surprise when he finds a pair of bulbous eyes staring back at him.

“Geralt!” he yelps. “What the fresh fuck is in our fridge?”

His witcher appears in the doorway, already dressed and ready for the day. “A drowner head.”

“Right, good,” Jaskier says. “Let me rephrase. Why the fuck is it in our fridge?”

“It didn’t fit in the freezer.”

“Geralt!”

Geralt’s lips twitch. “Its brains are useful for potions. I’m going to harvest them later.”

“Not in our kitchen, you’re not.”

“Would you prefer the bedroom?”

“Geralt, I swear to Melitele, if you get drowner brains on the duvet—” Seeing the grin on Geralt’s face, Jaskier breaks off, scowling. “I cannot believe I married you.”

“Hm. Jask, we’re not married.”

Ah, right. They’ve been together so long, Jaskier forgets that sometimes. Their friends and family are always complaining that they act like an old married couple anyway. “And if you keep putting drowner heads in the fridge, we won’t be!”

Geralt comes to press a kiss to Jaskier’s forehead. “Go take a shower and I’ll make coffee and deal with the drowner.”

“You’ll make the coffee before you touch drowner brains, right? Avoid cross-contamination?”

“Drowner brains are good for you. Protein.”

Jaskier huffs and turns on his heel to leave the kitchen. “I want a divorce.”

“Again, not married.”

Jaskier starts up the stairs, calling over his shoulder, “Then we should get married just so I can divorce you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay!” Jaskier makes it to the top of the stairs, then pauses, registering what they just said, and turns around. “Geralt?”

From downstairs, there’s the rumble of Geralt’s answering hum. “Hm?”

“Did we just get engaged?”

“I think that’s traditionally what comes before marriage and divorce.”

Jaskier hurries back down the stairs so fast that he nearly trips over his own two feet. He finds Geralt standing right where he left him in front of the fridge. “Do you really want to get married?”

Geralt looks at him like he’s started singing in gnomish. “Sure.”

“Sure?” Jaskier lets out an exasperated laugh. “Geralt, my love, this is one of those things where I’m going to need an unequivocal yes or no from you.”

Geralt leans against the front of the fridge, frowning slightly. “I never thought you wanted to get married.”

“What?” Jaskier is bewildered. “When did I say that?”

“Back when you were dating Vespula.”

“Geralt, I was twenty-two when I dated Vespula! That was nearly a decade ago! Of course I didn’t want to get married.” Jaskier throws his arms around Geralt’s neck. “I never thought you wanted to get married. All that witchers walk alone bullshit.”

Geralt’s lips twitch. “I think that ship has sailed by now, Jask. I think it sailed about five minutes after we met.”

“Well yes, probably,” Jaskier says. “So, Geralt, will you marry me?”

“Seems like a lot of trouble to go through just so you can divorce me over drowner brains.”

“Darling, you should know by now that it’s going to take more than drowner brains to get rid of me. I told you when we first moved in together and I’ll tell you now, you’re stuck with me.”

“Romantic.”

“You know you love it.”

Geralt’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, pressing a kiss to the tip of Jaskier’s nose. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

The few times Jaskier has pictured proposing to Geralt, he’s imagined grand gestures: singing a love song in front of a crowded stadium of fans, holding a sign as he jumped out a plane, a moonlight boat ride and a four-string quartet. But standing with Geralt in the kitchen, still in his boxers with a drowner’s head in their fridge, somehow feels more right than any of those fantasies.

They just hold each other for a moment before Jaskier pulls away. “Want to go get breakfast to celebrate?”

Geralt’s eyes are soft with fondness as he watches him. “Did you propose just for an excuse to go get pancakes and mimosas?”

“Like I need an excuse to get pancakes and mimosas.” Jaskier is smiling stupidly. “Let me go get showered. I can be ready in twenty minutes.”

“See you in an hour.” 

“Har.” Jaskier turns and hurries up the steps. In the bathroom, he draws back the shower curtain, slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle his shriek at what he finds inside. “Geralt!”

“What?” Geralt calls from downstairs.

“What the fuck is in our shower?”

“Oh,” Geralt says. “That’s the rest of the drowner.”

“Excellent. Just so you know, I’ve changed my mind about that divorce!”

***

Tag list: @kueble @mollymawkwrites @feral-jaskier @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde @dawnofbards @thisislisa @tsukiwolf42 @mosaicscale @rockysstupidity @fontegagrilledcheese @kuripon @help-i-need-a-cool-username @julek @flowercrown-bard @eveljerome

[mosswolf]

Aria Joie has a song stuck in her head. She knows all the lyrics. For a long time, whenever she thought of a song, she could hear the guide track too. Her own voice in her earpiece, peppy, encouraging, saying “One fifteen BPM! One, two, three, four!”, counting her through the dance break. That’s mostly faded away now. “Open up my heart,” she sings, and she folds a paper plate in half and puts it in the trash. “Tear open up my heart!” New job tomorrow. New colleagues. She’s going into a casino to check out some CCT screw-up. She measures out a little pinch of fish food in her palm, and tips it into the tank by the door. A neon swirl. It’s not “open up my heart,” is it? She’s got the lyric wrong. Get a glass of water, Aria. Clear your head. She wishes she could open a window but there’s no window in here. She pinches the bridge of her nose. “Open up—“ what was it? How long has she been misremembering? Forget it. It’s not important. She goes to the kiosk in the lobby. Gets a soda and a gacha toy. Taps her foot to the music in the elevator on the way back up. Big day tomorrow. Blackout. The arena goes silent. And then her voice, the first words spoken in the show. “Do you believe in the power of love?” Lightsticks, like a heart beat. “Do you? Do you believe in the power of love?”

counter/weight 0.5, thrilled enough

[gaysindistress]

Связи (n.) connections - four

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on google/Pinterest

pairings: mob!bucky x reader

Summary: “Did you think you could hide from us? That’s adorable, little one. There’s no where on this planet where you could hide from the Shostakov Bratva and even if you did manage to evade us, the Barnes Bratva would find you. Your связи, your connections, will always come back to haunt you, Y/N.”

Warnings: cursing, Carol not being nice

Word count: 3.4k

part three | series masterlist

taglist: @scott-loki-barnes @unaxv @identity22

A week passes by in a blur of moving and staring out the window while that stupid song, Possibility by Lykke Li, plays in the back of my head. Bucky arranged for all of my stuff to be moved into his penthouse but promised to keep my apartment for me. I think he even offered to take over my rent but honestly I don’t remember. I’ve tried to tell myself that I haven’t fallen into a depression but that would be a lie.

Between having my world crumble around me and then rebuilt by others, it’s to be expected that I’m feeling…awful. That’s not the right word but it’s all that I can think of to describe the feeling of complete isolation and loss of control that’s taking residency in my chest.

Bucky and Sam did stay around for the first couple of days, probably to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid but after that, it was just me, the two guards who never look like they’re doing anything, and two other staff members. Thor, the massive blonde guard, lounges at the kitchen island everyday and flirts with the golden haired cook named Jane. The other guard, Valkyrie, is always within sight of me and moves when I do like a little shadow but I rarely see Loki who I can only assume runs the entire place. If he’s not on the phone, he’s just hanging up or is excusing himself to answer it.

I’m grateful to have had time to process and grief before being shoved back into my life and forced to act like nothing happened. Tony and Steve both have called numerous times to make sure I’m okay after randomly taking a week off but it’s Carol’s insistence on texting, calling, DMing, and FaceTiming that gets to me. I have half a mind to show Bucky and get him to do something about however something tells me that I won’t like his methods.

His question comes in the form of a text the first night he’s not around. It was simple; “what’s your favorite food?”

“Are you really going to waste your question on that?”

“It’s a question all the same.”

“Pho but it has to be from the place down the street from my apartment.”

The next day Jane brought me that exact meal and made a point to show me the note that accompanied it.

“See? Not a waste.”

It wasn’t signed but I knew it was from him. Although I wanted to be angry with him for the part he’s playing in all of this, I couldn’t be. I can’t. He’s just as stuck as I am.

We’re both stuck being pawns for a giant game of chess that neither of us want to play.

A debriefing with Wanda and Carol wasn’t exactly what I thought my first day back at work would entail. I’d hoped for a relaxing day with my head buried in paperwork so I could avoid any questions but apparently not.

It surprised me at first that I would be allowed to go back to work but my father apparently hadn't cared enough to make any terms and conditions regarding me after I married Bucky. His concerns lay in the merging of their lower men and giving the directive of “shoot first, ask questions later” if they saw Antonia or any of her people to their Brigadiers. Neither of those things involved me and seeing as I was now a member of the Barnes Bratva, I became Bucky’s burden to bear.

The lack of rules regarding me meant that I could return to work and use it as a cover to help with the FBI’s investigation. Hence why I’m being forced to endure Carol’s stare as Wanda gives me the complete run down on Alexei. The entire time Carol’s been burning holes into my back and Tony’s done the same to her.

The moment I walked in, he had grabbed and yanked me into his office, demanding to know what the fuck happened. I explained as much as I could without putting him in danger but he refused to hear it. He’d threatened to send Steve after me if I didn’t give him the full story and the thought of Steve lecturing me was enough to have me spill everything. I swear tears pricked his eyes but he was quick to engulf me in a hug and promise to do whatever I needed him to.

“Anything at all, you call me. I don’t care what time it is, you call me,” he’d whispered into my hair and I nodded.

I honestly think if I asked him to make Carol disappear, he would. He might even be trying to do that now with the way he’s shooting daggers at her. Wanda pretends to not notice but the air is growing too hot around us and she lets out an annoyed huff.

“You need to figure your shit out right now. I don’t get paid to deal with children so you better grow up and sort it all out right now.”

Carol is the first to speak, “this isn't safe anymore. We need to call it off and find another way to get evidence.”

Wanda arches one auburn brow, “and why isn’t it safe anymore?”

“You know why.”

“I do but if you’re going to suggest something that stupid, you need to back it up.”

Tony snickers to himself and earns a glare from Carol.

I interject, “the operation is fine and we all know nothing is ever going to be ‘safe’ not when you’re dealing with criminals. Your best chance is me. Alexei will trust me more than anyone else you’d send in. It’ll be slow and you probably won’t get anything useful for a few weeks but sending in more people or even pulling anyone will be suspicious and he’ll catch on. I’ve been made Bucky’s Sovietnik and he’s obviously a part of all of this so I’m already in a good position to infiltrate Alexei’s organization or at least get someone else in.”

“Barnes made you his advisor already?” Wanda asks with curiosity and something else edges her voice.

“He only did it to piss me off,” Carol snips as she moves to make herself coffee.

“I’m starting to think you’re the problem, Danvers. Maybe you need to be reassigned,” Wanda snips back as she goes back to look at the file splayed out on the table. She’s leaning over the table and Tony joins her, coming to sit next to where her hand is on the table. They begin to speak in low voices and I take that as my cue to take a break or make a run for it. I still haven’t decided as I get up and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Carol’s lurking on the other side of the room, angrily stirring her coffee and staring at the ground so I think it’s safe to slip out.

Alas, everything I think is apparently wrong and I don’t see her follow me out but she makes her presence known when she grabs my arm in the hallway and stops me.

“What is it with people grabbing me?” I sneer at her as I spin around and pull my arm away from her before she can say anything. Hurt flashes in the eyes that I once loved to get lost in but that was before I found out she’s been using me. Now they’re dull and lifeless like a painting that’s been sitting in the sunlight too long. “What do you want?”

“I…” she stammers clearly not expecting me to snap at her and that makes me even more angry. Did she really think I could forgive and forget, move on after hearing that she’s the reason my sister is dead and that she’s been lying to me since we met? The void that’s eaten away at me now fills with molten anger and demands to be released.

“Spit it out. I have to pee.”

“I'm sorry. I wanted to say I’m sorry and ask if you’d come over for dinner tomorrow.”

If I were feeling anything other than anger, my jaw would’ve dropped in surprise but instead it clenches and I raise a brow at her.

She continues, looking around to make sure no one hears a single desperate and disgusting word she’s saying, “please, Oksana…”

When I didn’t think she could fuck up anymore, she does and she knows it by the way her face pales.

“Let me make myself perfectly clear; my name is Y/N and I want nothing to do with you after all of this is over. Bucky already told you that we can’t be seen together anymore. We can’t be together anymore and nor would I even want that if it was a possibility. I will be professional because we have a job to do but don’t expect me to come running back to you because you said you were sorry. It means nothing to me.”

Something shifts in her and she takes a step forward as a dark look overtakes her features, “but it means something when he says it?”

I narrow my eyes at her and scoff. Jealousy is a terrible look on everyone but on her it’s appalling. Shaking my head, I turn to the bathroom and she yanks me back, pinning me between the wall and herself. She leans down to whisper in my ear, “because he’s the good guy, right? The guardian angel who saved you from turning out like your sisters? Is that it? Is that why you didn’t even try to stop the marriage and just rolled over like a fucking dog?”

“No,” I grit out as I try to push her but she doesn’t budge. “Move.”

She presses further into me and I gasp out of anger, shock, rage, take your pick.

“He’s the criminal here, don’t forget that,” she whispers in my ear and I squeeze my eyes shut at the feeling of her breath washing over me.

“I can see it clear as day now,” I whisper back and she pulls away with pinched brows. Dropping my head back against the wall, I use her confusion as my chance to slam it forward and smash my forehead into her nose. She lets out a shriek of pain and jumps away from me as blood gushes from her nose. I can feel where my forehead made contact with her nose and blood drips down my face but I don’t care.

“Tell whatever story you want, Carol, but don’t think you can make me the villain without forcing me to turn into one. You don’t know me half as well as you think you do nor do you know what I’m prepared to fucking do if needed. You are a pathetic excuse for a human being.”

Finally she’s silent and I straighten my shoulders at my victory before giving her a look that would make even Alexei shrink away. I know that someone will have something to say about what just happened but for now, I’ll bask in the glory of getting her to leave me alone and clean up my face after I pee like I originally wanted to.

Tony is sitting on the bathroom counter when I open my stall and go to clean up. He doesn’t look pissed but he doesn’t look happy either. I choose to ignore him as I gather paper towels and wet them so I can dab at my forehead. He takes them from my hands and finishes the job.

“You need to be more careful.”

“I’m aware.”

“Are you though? I don’t know exactly what Barnes has worked out with the Feds but I’m sure there’s a clause somewhere that lets them drop you whenever they want.”

I stare blankly at him and he rolls his eyes; what a perfect duo we are.

“All I’m saying is that if something happens, I don’t know that I can help you.”

I step away from him, narrowing my eyes at him, “I don’t need you to save me. I don’t need anyone to save me, I can take care of myself. If something goes wrong, I’ll be fine because that’s always what happens; I find a way out.”

Tony’s eyes soften and he drops the bloody towels into the sink, “I didn’t say you needed saving, I said I might not be able to help. Those are two very different things and this..”

He gestures under us as if the lies are tangled into the air, “this is different. This isn’t a bad day on a case or even a criminal who got away. This is your past. These are your connections that you’ve tried to sever for years coming back to show you that you won’t be free until every last one is gone. All I’m asking is for you to be careful please.”

I nod and shift my stare to the woman in the mirror that looks vaguely like me. Her forehead is a collage of dark hues, throbbing under the surface but the blood is no longer visible. Her eyes are void of anything, any life, any emotion whatsoever but there is a slight curl to her lips, a shadow of a smirk.

Oksana is staring back at me and I find myself welcoming her home after so many years.

The first thing out of Sam’s mouth when he sees me is “Jesus fucking Christ” as he hands me an ice pack. It’s been a few hours so it’s not like it’s going to do anything but I appreciate the gesture nonetheless.

“You should see the other guy,” I half joke as I take the pack, pressing it to my forehead with a wince and he shakes his head even more.

Bucky on the other hand is silent, nothing betraying what he’s thinking as he stares at me from across the kitchen island. It’s unsettling. It’s unrelenting. It’s enough to make me want to vomit.

Sam notices and clears his throat, drawing me into a debrief about the meeting with Feds. He sits beside me and doesn’t hesitate before diving into how I got my lovely bruise. Only then does the Pakhan speak and causes us both to freeze mid sentence.

“Question for a question,” he barely utters as he leans back against the cabinets and crosses his arms. “Did she threaten you?”

Sam’s eyes dart between us as I carefully pick my words, “In a way, yes.”

“What do you mean?”

I raise a finger at him, “it's my turn, what changed that night?”

Vague sure but he understands.

“Take your pick. Alexei’s men came in too early, Joseph was killed, you fought me more than I expected, Yelena wasn’t sedated and then she bit Sam.”

I nod, satisfied with his answer and tell him to ask his second question which he repeats. Sam and him give each other a look before he slips out of the room and leaves just Bucky and I in the kitchen. Jane had left us all plates in the fridge but only Sam and Bucky had eaten. Mine still sits untouched only a few inches away on the island but I’ve been too focused with talking to even think about eating.

“She followed me to the bathroom and grabbed my arm.”

“There’s more.”

Damn, he’s getting good; stating things so that I have to either confirm or deny them but not outright asking.

“No there’s not.”

“Yes there is, tell me what else happened,” his voice is stern and it sends a shiver down my spine.

“There’s really not.”

“So your forehead just randomly bruises like that,” he states with a bored look and gestures to the darkening spot on my forehead.

Suddenly my food looks appealing. He calls my name, softer this time and I let out a sigh before looking at him over my food.

“She pinned me against the wall and wouldn’t move so I made her.”

“And head butting was the best option?”

I narrow my eyes at him, “one at a time.”

“Fine, ask yours then.”

I chew my food, pretending to think of one even though I already have one in mind. I maintain eye contact with him as I swallow.

“How long were you and nat together?”

He rubs his jaw and scratches at the stubble that’s grown into almost a beard since the start of this all. Eye bags are slowly starting to form and I wonder if it’s from me or the Feds or anything other aspect of his life. Everything seems to be complete chaos around him albeit organized to some degree.

“We weren’t.”

My brows knit together in confusion, “what? She was in love with you, she wouldn’t shut up about it.

He shrugs before sliding off the counter top and grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. “Some things are better left alone.”

“Are you always this frustratingly vague? No wonder Sam is always in a mood, you only speak in riddles and sarcasm.”

Bucky chuckles. “And I’m guessing you have a habit of picking fights when backed into a corner.”

“I was raised by the one and only Alexei Shostakov; isn’t that what he’s known for?”

He nods in agreement with a smirk but doesn’t say anything. We settle into silence as I finish eating and he stands guard with his arms crossed while leaning against the wall closest to the front door. The penthouse isn’t extravagant but it’s not homey either. Steel, concrete, and dark wood cover every surface giving it a showroom vibe and the severe lack of any personal touches makes it worse. The room I’ve been staying in was like a hotel room when I first moved in but now it’s at least comfortable thanks to my things. I tried once to be a minimalist but after years of not being allowed to enjoy life, I couldn’t deny the little girl in me that anymore.

Plants line the window seals and terribly hand knitted blankets cover the white bedding I couldn’t get rid of. While it might have felt sterile at first, the sheer comfort and luxury of those sheets and blankets convinced me to keep them. Where there aren’t plants, I put candles and small lamps so I don’t have to turn on the main lights. My little haven is the complete opposite of the kitchen that feels even colder with Bucky’s cold stare but it’s mine and mine alone.

He breaks the silence before I can escape to it and watches me closely.

“Has she hurt you before?” he asks, his voice dropping an octave in an effort to not scare me off I assume. I freeze as I’m putting my dishes into the sink with my back to him. I know who he’s talking about and I know my answer but I can’t figure out why he cares.

He seems to see the hesitation in me and taps my elbow to get my attention. I’m thankful he doesn’t grab me and I suck in a breath before turning around.

He is unlike any of the other Bratva men I’m used to. The others are filthy, worn, and all around awful to be near from their lives in crime but there’s something about this man that’s different. He looks every bit of the menacing Pakhan that he is, however I still remember that laughing young man who pulled pranks on my sisters with me. The years aren’t usually kind to the children raised in Bratvas but he’s found a way to make them work in his favor and at 34, Bucky is the most respected while fearsome Pakhan this world has seen.

The kitchen light above us emphasizes the dark flecks in his blue eyes and amplifies the sun kissed hue of his skin. The dark blue threads of his eyes rival that of any ocean wave I’ve ever seen and mild concern lurks in them as they bore into me.

“Has Carol…” he starts and I interrupt him.

“No. She’s…she wasn’t like that at all. She’s never even raised her voice at me before.”

“Lisichka,” he murmurs to me and the nickname catches me by surprise.

Little fox.

“Don't call me that,” I spit out and clench my fists at my side before storming off to my room.

Little fox.

He used to call Natasha that.

[bitethedevil]

Living with The Devil You Know (Raphael x Tav): Chapter 5

Chapter: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

Read this fic on AO3 (Link)

Fic Summary: Tav broke their agreement by handing the Crown of Karsus to Mystra instead of Raphael. Not only that, but she also robbed his house and killed his incubus. Raphael is patient and he is determined to get his revenge.

…Tav isn't too bothered. She will figure something out eventually. Until then she just has to find a way to live peacefully with a devil.

Chapter Summary: Raphael is in a good mood. He teaches Tav how to play the organ and sings The Song™ to her under very special circumstances. At the same time, Gale is worried and tries to make a rescue plan with Astarion and Shadowheart.

(AN: I know absolutely nothing about music so bear with me if I use the wrong terminology. I can warmly recommend to also listen to the song while reading *that part*. Enjoy a look into Raphael's questionable flirting techniques and some very very spicy organ lessons.)

WARNING: NSFW

Tav had decided not to glamour her face and keep her burn scars visible. She had looked in the mirror in the morning and found that she agreed with Raphael: they did suit her, in an odd way. She felt that she looked more like herself with them, albeit a version of herself that she had not seen for years.

Tav spent the day with Cassius watching her, much to her dismay. He was the only one in the House of Hope who still treated her as a prisoner. He had hated her guts since she cast that sleep spell on him to contact her friends and then convinced him not to say anything.

Cassius did not even try to hide his reaction to her scars. There was a look of slight disgust on his face as he looked at them. Then again, Tav thought. That could also just be his face. Cassius tended to look at her with that annoying sneer as if she was below him, which she had largely begun to ignore.

She started wondering whether there might be more to his clear dislike for her. It did not go past her that Cassius had visited Raphael privately in his boudoir one or two times during the first couple of days of her imprisonment.

Although, she had not noticed any visits between them after her and Raphael had sex that one time. Was it possible that the tiefling was jealous of her in some odd way? Cassius had probably been Raphael’s new favorite pet until she was forcibly dragged to the House of Hope to sleep in his master’s bed each night and take up a considerable amount of his attention.

It was hard for her to garner any sort of sympathy for Cassius though. He treated her like dirt and often tried to provoke her whenever he was tasked to watch her for the day. Whatever was up the warlock’s ass, Tav did not feel responsible for whatever ill feelings he might have towards her. He could take it up with Raphael if he so pleased.

She was waking up from a nap when she heard music playing somewhere in the house. She rolled out of bed and started walking out of the boudoir with Cassius at her heels.

“Where are you going?” Cassius asked.

“Does it matter when you’re tasked with following me anyways?” Tav asked tiredly at his comment.

“You disturb him all the time,” Cassius said, knowing she was on her way to find Raphael. “You don’t think it would be possible that he’d want a moment of peace?”

“If he wanted peace, he shouldn’t have given me free roam of the house,” Tav said. “Or have denied me my own little moment of peace, for that matter…”

“Suit yourself, but one day you will get on his nerves and then he might be inclined to teach you your place,” Cassius said with a sneer.

“It’s really cute that you worry so much about me,” Tav teased him, just to piss him off.

The music got louder as they got to the archive. Tav stuck her head in to greet Raphael with a smile. He was in his human form. Raphael stopped playing the organ and gave her a smile back. He seemed to be in a good mood for some reason.

“It sounds good,” Tav said. “You don’t mind if I sit and read while you’re playing, do you?”

“Please,” Raphael said and gestured to a nearby chair.

Tav widened her smile and threw a glance at Cassius who was awkwardly standing at the entrance, glaring daggers at her. Raphael did not even acknowledge his presence. She sat down with a book, and he started playing again.

“Do you play, mouse?” Raphael asked and looked at her. He was still playing perfectly on the organ despite not even looking at the keys.

The melody he was playing reminded her of a predator slowly sneaking up on its prey. It sounded beautiful but it was also quite dark. Just what she would expect from someone like him.

“I did a little bit once,” she answered and then gestured to his fingers that were elegantly dancing over the keys with ease. “Nothing as complicated as that though.”

“It really is not that complicated,” he said and then stopped playing to hold a hand out to her. “Let me show you.”

The smirk on his face told her that he was up to something, but she took his hand regardless. In one swift movement, he pulled her closer and seated her in his lap. Her eyes widened a bit at the gesture.

“You certainly seem to be in high spirits tonight,” she noted.

“I am,” he said and rested his chin on her shoulder to look at the keys. “I closed a deal that has been quite the headache for me and successfully retrieved something of mine.”

“Do I want to know the specifics?” Tav asked.

She did not particularly want to know which poor bastard Raphael had roped into giving him their soul, but she was worried that he might be talking about her companions.

“It has nothing to do with your dear little friends, if that is what you are asking,” Raphael said as if he had read her mind and grabbed her hands to move them to the keys in front of her. “Now concentrate.”

He showed her what she knew was a simplified version of the melody he had just been playing. She could not play as fast or as elegantly as Raphael did, but she gave it a try.

“Good,” he purred in her ear and snaked an arm around her waist, making it even more difficult for her to play. “Keep practicing.”

Raphael shifted his head away from her shoulder to look at Cassius for a moment.

“You can go home for the day,” Raphael said to him absentmindedly and then turned his attention back to Tav.  

Tav could see Cassius at the corner of her eye. He looked pissed. He gave Raphael a forced smile and a bow before leaving.

“I see that your health has improved after our little accident last night,” Raphael said. “I also could not help but notice that you decided to keep your scars present like I told you to.”

Tav smiled at the word choice of ‘our little accident’ as if she was to blame as well for him almost killing her. She decided to ignore it.

“I did,” Tav said. “But not because you told me to.”

Raphael chuckled. She would not give him the satisfaction of telling him that he was right, and he knew it.

“Stubborn as ever,” he said. “What did you do today?”

“Napped,” she answered, while still trying to get the hang of the melody.

“How productive,” Raphael said sarcastically and corrected the position of her fingers on the organ. “Am I wrong in assuming that you might be growing a tad bored?”

“It’s hard to do anything with someone watching you all the time…” she said. “Besides…I do miss some of my old books,”

“Hm,” he hummed. “Did you have a favorite?”

“I do but it’s embarrassing…and terribly cliché…” she said and stopped playing for a moment.

Tav’s favorite book was an old romantic tragedy that was well-known to be the favorite novel of just about every woman in Faerûn.

“Don’t be shy,” Raphael purred.

“’A Star in the Darkness’ by Bibella Aldath…” she answered and started playing again.

“Yes, that is rather cliché, dear,” Raphael said and chuckled. “Not a horrible read by any means, but I did expect something slightly more exciting from a former librarian…”

Tav was slowly getting the hang of the melody and her fingers moved over the organ’s keys a little easier now that she had played it a couple of times.

“Better,” he purred in her ear. “You know, this is a very special composition of mine…”

“Oh?” Tav said and kept playing.

“It would have been the very last thing you and your dear friends would ever hear had you decided to steal your contract that day when you robbed my house,” Raphael said. She could practically hear the smile on his face.

“Oh, you wrote music just for us?” Tav asked with amusement in her voice. “How thoughtful of you. It’s such a shame we didn’t get to hear it then.”

“Isn’t it just?” Raphael asked. “But there is time for it yet…when your friends finally decide to pay us a visit.”

Good luck with that, Tav thought.

Tav stopped playing for a moment when she felt Raphael’s hands slowly caress her sides.

“Don’t let me distract you,” he said. “Keep playing.”

She did, but it was getting increasingly difficult not to mess up when he was touching her like that. She felt her body heat up at his touches.

He nuzzled his nose into the back of her hair, taking in her smell. His hand gently moved one of the straps of her top, so that it slipped off her shoulder. He left a soft kiss where the strap had been and slowly trailed his kisses up towards her neck. It was hard to hide how her breathing got shallower.

It made her fingers fall over a few of the keys, which made him smile against her neck.

“How clumsy of you, my dear,” he whispered into her ear. “Try again.”

She took a slow breath and kept playing. The hand that had been caressing her side was snaking up her stomach towards one of her breasts. She took another slow deep breath to not lose focus.

He started fondling her breast through the silk of the top she was wearing. He continued slowly kissing his way up her neck as he touched her. She felt her nipples hardening and once again she played the wrong keys.

“Tut-tut…I really would have expected a wizard of your caliber to have much better grasp on their concentration,” Raphael said and bit firmly but not hard on her neck.

“It is also really rare that someone is touching me while I cast spells,” she said with what was supposed to be frustration, but the breathiness of her voice revealed how much she was into it.

He smirked against her neck.

“Keep playing…” he ordered again.

She did. His hand moved from her breasts to between her legs. She was already soaked when his hand slid under the waistband of her pants, and he started teasing her with his fingers. She did manage to keep her focus on playing…for about a minute. He stopped the movements of his fingers the second she stopped playing.

“Keep going, mouse,” he whispered in her ear. “And I might give you what you want.”

She bit her lip and put her full focus into playing that damned melody that would most likely be stuck in her head for days. Tav had gotten the impression of Raphael as a selfish lover the last time they fucked. She quickly learned that the man absolutely knew what he was doing when he put the effort in to please someone.

The way he was touching her quickly turned her into a moaning mess and he somehow knew that she was getting close. He stopped his movements for a moment, making her whine in frustration.

“From the top,” he ordered and placed another kiss on her neck.

Tav did as she was told and played the melody from its beginning.

That is when he started singing.

His hand started moving between her legs again, making her moan. There were a lot of feelings going through her. Her eyes widened in amusement and surprise as he started singing. He sang in a lowered voice, taking her close proximity into consideration. She felt that lovely voice of his rumble through his chest, which only somehow made her even more wet.

“Hell, hell, hell has it’s laws / Hell, hell, effect and the cause / Curtain falls, but hold your applause / Squirm, squirm, for now down here come the claws…”

She was unable to keep her moans quiet as he was driving her towards orgasm. It took all of her brainpower to keep focusing on playing.

“Fools, fools, how hard you have fought / Brave, brave but its all been for naught / True souls, that couldn’t be bought / Doomed, detected and caught…”

The way his voice growled in her ear on the last word, made her shiver and moan louder. She was so close. Close to both her orgasm and the end of the song. She could not fuck it up now.

“No more deals, it’s over / The final act, your doom / No more grace, it’s over…”

Her orgasm started washing over her, making her squirm in his lap. Her moans got louder and Raphael rubbed her clit faster.

“This House of Hope,” He growled into her ear. “Your tomb…”

The loud sounds she made of her finally reaching her orgasm matched almost perfectly with his prolonged note of the last line. It seemed a bit too intentional and made her think: he has done stuff like this before.  

She slumped back against his chest, her legs shaking and her chest heaving from the intensity of it. He removed his fingers and lifted them to her lips to make her clean them off. He pressed them between her lips. She sucked on them, earning her a groan from him. She had been too busy multi-tasking to notice just how hard his cock was under her.

“Beautiful, dear,” he purred and kissed her cheek. “Perhaps, we should perform it just like this when your friends drop by. Give them a show before they meet their end…”

How did he manage to say that in a way that made her aroused rather than angry? Something was deeply, deeply, fucking wrong with her.

Gale, Shadowheart, and Astarion had met in a secluded corner of the Elfsong.

Gale had been lecturing them on devils, cambions, and the Hells for about an hour now. Shadowheart and Astarion exchanged tired glances.

“Gale—”

“I’m just telling you that we can beat him,” Gale said. “It will not be easy, but we can.”

“She asked us not to go,” Shadowheart said. “Tav believes it’s a trap, so let’s not do anything stupid.”

“Also,” Astarion piped in. “It really is a novel concept for me to be the voice of reason here, but your little plan doesn’t seem to make sense. Lae’zel, Karlach, and Wyll are off doing whatever it is they do. Our little band consists of a wizard, two wizards if Tav is able to join the battle, a cleric, and little old me. Three spellcasters and a vampire who, by the way, can’t even be in Avernus since there is no night…”

“He’s right,” Shadowheart said as she looked at Gale.

“So, we will bring someone else as well…Halsin, Jaheira, or Minsc,” Gale said. “We can’t just leave her there!”

“Gale…” Shadowheart sighed.

“There were also that woman, Hope,” Gale continued. “If we could manage to sneak into her prison, we could free her as well. I’m sure she would be eager to help us fight Raphael.”

“Gale,” Shadowheart said again. “Let it go. Let’s wait until we hear more from her. We have no idea what we could possibly be walking into here.”

“She could be rotting in a dungeon, getting tortured right now. Who knows if she’s even still alive? I won’t leave her there! She—” Gale voice cracked, and he cleared his throat in an attempt to hide the emotions that were welling up inside him. “…Excuse me…She forfeited her soul so that we could give the Crown to Mystra. I have a difficult time not feeling responsible for this.”

Shadowheart’s, and even Astarion’s, expression softened slightly as they saw the toll it was taking on Gale.

“That woman has done so much for us,” Gale said. “We have to get her back somehow.”

“Alright,” Shadowheart said with a sigh. “Let’s not do anything hasty before we’ve learned more about what we are dealing with. She told us ‘not to listen to him’ in her message, but we haven’t heard from Raphael at all…He might try to offer us some sort of deal.”

“It really is unlike him,” Astarion said. “That bastard usually isn’t shy when it comes to popping up at the most inconvenient times.”

“He might want us to be desperate,” Gale said and rubbed his face as he tried to think. “Raphael doesn’t know that we know where Tav is…so he might be waiting for us to panic before he strikes.”

“My point is,” Shadowheart said. “If we knew a bit more about whatever it is he wants to offer us or what he wants from us, it might be easier to figure out what we can do. So…should we try to contact her again?”

“A wise suggestion,” Gale said. “If nothing else, it could grant us peace of mind that she is still alive.”

“Good,” Astarion said and clapped his hands together. “I will leave you two to do your spell stuff then. You know where to find me. Can I go now?”

Gale nodded and conjured a piece of parchment and a quill.

Shadowheart watched as Astarion left and then turned her attention to Gale.

“You are aware that this isn’t your fault, right?” she asked him, but she got no response from him as he was writing. “Right, Gale?”

Gale sighed and stopped writing for a moment.

“That does not make me feel less responsible,” he said. “She is very dear to me, and I don’t think I could forgive myself if I let something happened to her.”

“We will get her back somehow,” Shadowheart said. “I’m sure she’s fine. This is Tav we’re talking about. She is great at adapting to weird situations, and she would tell you not to worry so much if she was here, I’m sure of it.”

Gale smiled slightly and nodded. He returned his focus to writing the message for her.

Raphael was being odd. They had sex that evening while he was still in his human form. Again, a weird feeling for her because it felt so normal. It did not help that he was being a lot gentler with her than he had last time. He still teased her and kept her on edge, but there was no pain involved this time.

The kisses were something completely new as well. It was never on the mouth, though he planted kisses everywhere else. It felt so much more intimate than what she would ever have considered him to be capable of and it drove her insane.

He’s a devil, he’s a devil, he’s a devil. Those words became Tav’s mantra inside her head each time those little kisses and his weird gentleness made her heart flutter ever so slightly.

She slept till late noon. When she opened her eyes, Raphael was off to work as usual and she was met with Cassius’s intense gaze. She groaned and rolled over to her other side. She felt that something had been stuck under her pillow. She rubbed her eyes and sat up on the edge of the bed. She lifted the pillow and saw a book.

She read the cover: ’A Star in the Darkness’ by Bibella Aldath. Her all-time favorite book about the tragic and forbidden love between a drow and a moon elf. From the looks of it, it was an early edition too which was exceedingly hard to find considering how old the story was.

She could not help the faint smile that washed over her face and the way her heart fluttered again. She quickly tried to push that feeling away and returned to her mantra: he’s a devil, he’s a devil, he’s a devil…

That is when she heard Gale’s voice transmitted to her mind through a sending spell:

“Hope you are still alive and well. What is it that Raphael wants from us and what should we expect if he contacts us?”

Tav’s brow furrowed at the message, and she was glad that her back was turned to Cassius so he could not see the expression on her face at the message. Raphael hadn’t even talked to them yet?

She needed to get a message back to them somehow. What they were asking were fair questions, but it also sounded an awful lot like her companions might be planning to do something stupid and she needed to stop them.

[f1letters]

bigger than the whole sky | ms47

"i'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been what should've been you"

summary: guilt consumed her alive when she lost the baby she initially didn't plan on having... maybe the outcome could've been better if she did something different, she thought

warning: very heavy and very sad story, angst, heartbreak, swearing, mentions of a panic attack, grief, death, mention of unplanned pregnancy, miscarriage, brief mention of blood, loss of a child, mention of the hypothetical future that the baby would have had, happy-ish ending

pairing: mick schumacher x reader

word count: 2.9k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past. I would also like to point out that this one has to be the hardest story I have written so far as it is very personal to me. I've thought a lot about NOT posting it over the past few days, exactly because of these heavy topics. but I think this needs to be spoken about a lot more than it is, especially with how many women/people with reproductive systems suffer from miscarriages in silence. please read the warnings before reading!

german words used: liebling = darling; schatz = sweetheart; mama = mom

on a less sad note, I think everybody knows how much I love mick, I hope we still get to see him next year (please papa toto, rescue my man!!!)and that he gets another chance in the 2024 grid. with this being said, I hope you enjoy this one and have your tissues with you!

masterlist

No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

Many say that grief is the price of love.

That grief is just a form of love; a love that can't be given anymore to someone we could hug and kiss and see before they were gone.

That grief is the result of a space that is left empty in our lives after someone physically loses strength and lets their soul rest.

But as much as we are prepared from childhood to grieve for someone we had time to love, nothing prepares us for the heart-wrenching experience of losing someone we didn't even have a chance to know and cherish.

Such suffering, pain and anguish seemed impossible to fit in Y/N's small and fragile heart, as she tried to accept the aftermath of the loss of her baby.

She stood there, stuck in time, just thinking of everything she could have done differently. Searching for an explanation for why life had played such a cruel trick on her. Wondering why. 

Why me? Why with us? Why them?

As the young woman lay on her back in the middle of her big white bed in search of answers, the only sound that echoed between those four walls was her painful sobs as salt streamed out of her eyes and into her ears.

That same sound was her only company, as her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen.

She couldn't blame him though. She knew that his absence in the room they shared was due to her own cold and distant attitude towards him over these last few days.

But she just couldn't face him.

Looking into his eyes would only make her realize that they mirrored the exact same pain in hers.

And as selfish as it sounded, she wasn't ready to face his loss when she could barely accept her own.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

She didn't want to see him or talk to him. Even during the night, Y/N found herself escaping to the uncomfortable couch in the living room to avoid sleeping next to Mick, almost as if she was too afraid to touch him and thereby infect him with her sadness.

Everything for her suddenly changed, and she couldn't wrap her head around how a being so fragile and so precious that never even had a chance to live could be the only meaningful thing in her life at that moment.

'Pregnant 1-2'

Leaning against the cold tiles of her bathroom, sitting on the marble floor, the young woman tried to calm her uncontrolled and panting breathing.

It couldn't be. This couldn't be happening to her.

Her eyes read over and over again the small letters on the digital display of the pregnancy test in her hands. Almost as if she expected that at any moment they would change and that she would wake up from the nightmare she saw herself in.

Her head was all over the place. She couldn't have a child now. She was in her early 20s, she had only been with her boyfriend for a little over a year, and he was just starting his second year in Formula 1.

Not that she doubted her love for Mick or his for her. If there was one certainty she had in the world, it was that he was the love of her life, even if their relationship was fairly recent.

But they never even spoke about having children in the long run, let alone already. She hardly saw him herself most of the year. How would she be able to take care of a baby in those conditions?

The pressure was building in her lungs and her vision was beginning to blur as the girl panicked more and more, until she was awakened by the sound of someone knocking on the bathroom door.

"Schatz, are you okay? You've been there for over thirty minutes." She heard the driver's concerned voice on the other side of the door. "I'm getting worried, can I come in?"

From inside the bathroom, Mick got no response and only heard the cries of his partner who had finally given in. Without thinking twice, he opened the door and went down to her level, kneeling on the floor in front of the girl.

"Liebling, what's wrong? Talk to me." He brought both his hands up to the sides of her jaw, leaving soft caresses with his thumbs until her gaze met his.

"I'm sorry, Mick. I'm so fucking sorry." Y/N replied, shaking her head in denial while crying uncontrollably.

The boy was only more confused by his girlfriend's apologies, but when he looked down at her lap and saw the blue stick, he immediately realized what was happening and his arms dropped to his sides in shock.

"Fuck. Y- You- Are you pregnant?" He asked, shaking with nerves. He leaned against the wall on her side as well, letting his head relax against the tiles. 

His hand went to Y/N's thigh in an attempt to comfort her and after a few minutes to assimilate everything that was happening, he spoke again. "Okay. Okay. We're going to be fine. Don't worry, we'll handle this together. I have more than enough money to support the three of us and-"

"Mick, stop." The young woman replied, with some aggression in her tone. "I can't have a baby right now. This is insane."

Remembering that day now brought only heartache and pain, because it was all over now, all out to sea.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you

"Y/N, I know you're nervous. I am too, but I know that together we can do this." Mick confessed, grabbing both of the girl's hands and looking at her with the most loving gaze she had ever seen on anyone.

"I barely know your family, you don't even know my parents." She continued with her rambling. "I spend 99 per cent of the year alone in this house while you are God knows where around the world."

"I'll quit." Y/N's heart skipped a beat at the boy's suggestion. "You are worth more than any sport and any dream. You are my dream, both of you are. I want nothing more than to grow old with you and have a family together, so I'll quit in a heartbeat if I have to."

"I would never let you give up on your dreams, Schumacher, and you know it." Y/N felt her body relax for the first time in hours, letting her back lay against her boyfriend's chest, his hands resting on her stomach. "Are we completely crazy for even considering this?"

And for a short time, they were indeed crazy. Crazy for each other and for the future they envisioned for the three of them.

Even without seeing them or touching them, their baby filled their hearts so intensely, with a love they never knew before, that they grew in size with that insane amount of adoration.

Only to be broken into bigger pieces.

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?

Did some force take you bеcause I didn't pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe

For a few more weeks, the couple lived inside their dream bubble, filled with so much happiness and excitement for their future. Although no one else knew about Y/N's pregnancy yet, everyone noticed how much they glowed, more in love than ever.

Until Mick had to come back to the real world and had to travel to the United States for a race, leaving his girlfriend alone again in their home in Switzerland.

The young woman couldn't explain why she felt so apprehensive and so scared at the idea of being alone. It was not the first time this happened, but inexplicably her sixth sense was already on high alert as she held the German much longer than usual at the airport, as if she was too afraid to let him go.

Two completely normal days passed after the driver left: he called her every day when he woke up, at lunchtime, and when he went to sleep, in an attempt to make her feel less lonely.

But on the third day, she didn't answer him.

He didn't think anything special of it, thinking she was probably busy with something at work, so he went about his morning as if nothing had happened. Hours went by as he was dealing with his media duties, until, on his lunch break, he picked up his phone again and his world seemed to come crashing down in a single instant.

'15 missed calls from Schatz'

'9 missed calls from Gina'

'7 missed calls from Mama'

Alone at home and with no family living in Switzerland, Y/N found herself in complete despair when she saw blood running down her legs. She knew right away what it was, even though her brain begged for another possible reason.

The girl silently prayed for the better as she searched through the kitchen drawers for the paper where she knew her boyfriend's mother, Corinna's number was written.

Y/N simply couldn't face this all by herself.

Although they only met a couple of times before that day, the young woman couldn't be more grateful to have had the Schumacher family's matriarch by her side, to hold her hand and to wipe her tears away as the doctors told her the worst news she would ever hear in her entire life.

"I'm sorry miss, but I'm afraid your baby no longer has a heartbeat."

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

Those words just turned every single thing to come into ashes.

And she couldn't help but feel guilty.

Maybe she had done something she shouldn't have done. Eaten something she couldn't. Made physical efforts that she could not.

Maybe she should have prayed for the baby. She should have accepted the pregnancy sooner. She shouldn't have doubted their ability to have that child.

She was looking for something: an answer, an explanation, a reason.

And although her head knew it wasn't logical, she blamed him too.

Maybe if Mick were here. If he hadn't travelled to the other end of the world. If only he hadn't left her in that house without help and company.

She needed him more than ever, but at the same time, all the distance between them didn't seem enough for Y/N.

The wooden door to their room opened unexpectedly, making the girl turn her back to Mick to prevent him from seeing her tears.

He slowly approached her figure and she felt the mattress lower next to her as he sat up and placed his hand on her bare shoulder.

"Please, I beg you. Talk to me." Y/N heard his voice shake, and it became clear that he was crying too. "I can't take this silence anymore. I'm suffering too, you know?"

She knew she was being unfair to him. After all, he too had lost his child, his future, a part of him, even if he wasn't the one to physically carry it.

She was a childless mother, but he too was a childless father.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

The truth is, she didn't believe the words she was saying in her head.

Mick was the most supportive person she knew. He made a point of asking her over and over again if she was okay, if she needed anything, if she wanted to talk.

But it wasn't until she was forced to face her partner's sadness that she realized that blaming him wasn't going to mend the hole in her heart.

He was the only one who could ease her pain if she let him in.

The girl turned to the boy, finding his back trembling with the sobs he let out. She hugged him from behind, feeling his body relax against hers with the physical contact he desired so much. 

Mick lay down next to her on the bed, pulling her as close to him as possible, and they stayed there for hours, in comfortable silence, while they both mourned their loss in each other's arms.

"I'm so sorry, baby." Y/N broke the silence. "I was trying so hard to find a reason for all of this that I ended up blaming myself, blaming you. It was unfair, and I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have ever done that."

"It wasn't anyone's fault, liebling." Mick whispered with his lips brushing against her forehead. "It just wasn't meant to be."

Y/N looked up at the driver, meeting his sad gaze, and the two let the tips of their noses touch.

The two lovers' lips met again after days apart and, even if only for a moment, they both felt whole again.

What could've been, would've been you

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you

Nothing hurts like an unexpected goodbye, but they both knew they would carry their baby forever in their hearts, even if they hadn't been able to carry them in their arms.

They were never going to be able to see the baby say their first words and take their first steps.

They were never going to have the opportunity to see their child go to school for the first time, or attend their graduation.

They were never going to be able to comfort them when they had their first heartbreak, or tease them when they had their first crush.

But even though they knew their baby was more than just a short time, they knew the mark they left on them was permanent.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

Two years later, the couple couldn't be in a better place, even though their loss would never fully heal.

Y/N had just won a promotion at work, allowing her to reach the position she always dreamed of holding at the company she worked for.

Mick had returned to the Formula 1 grid after two troubled years in his career and now wore the four Audi rings on his polo shirt with the greatest of pride, alongside his longtime friend and returning champion, Sebastian.

But most of all, the incomprehensible sounds that came out of their rainbow baby's mouth were what made them the happiest they have ever been.

Their newborn baby girl filled their hearts with renewed hope and unlimited love, bringing back colour in a world that was previously only black and white.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

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