#but ur not a system if u dont have trauma

[ozlices]

doctor apt was shit but the ladies at the desk were cool and set us up for a better, nicer doctor next month so. we'll see how that goes but i can say i've never been so fucking flabbergasted in my life at the bullshit coming from a doctor's mouth and with the amount of medical trauma we have that is seriously saying something.

[futurefind]

"Explain Nasuverse mage Rea w.o explaining Nasuverse mage Rea:"

(Loose translation anyway:

if runes are used as supplemental magecraft like nails or screws, Rea uses them as brick n mortor for entire structure (and it WORKS)

unintentional (if unspoken) speciality in magical circuits construction and, with proper study, magecraft effecting the soul and outright Concepts directly

(FGO Rea absolutely works on an anti-Servant magecraft by targetting the 'thread' that allows that incarnation to have been summoned from the throne in the first place (ie via excising the cause and effect that allows them to have been summoned in the first place, for that summoning)

(Lesser example of this is FGO!Master subverse being incentived to develop 'artificial nerves' Mystic Code for when her Crest bs acts up, ie every rayshift, to mitigate how much it kneecaps her in the field)

she's an American magus that only spent time in Mage's Association for politicking/pawn reasons, and because she's so humble and friendly she has no idea how op any of her bs actually Is. she tries to explain/share it to people and it goes in one ear and out the next

[system-splintered]

what do u mean ur anti non disordered plurals? that just means they dont quality for a dx on the basis if not qualifying for the "causes dysfunction in some way" part? and it has nothing to do with/is not synonmous with endo

Let me make this really really clear.

If you don't have Dissociative Identity Disorder, or Other Specified Dissociative Disorder, kindly fuck off.*

You wouldn't and can't be "plural"/multiple (not a fan of the term plural at all really) without a disorder. Disorders require some level of discomfort, functionality impairment, etc. If you think you have "DID but with absolutely no dysfunction", you are mistaken :)

It doesn't take being super dysfunctional, or even dysfunction every day. DID, etc are survival mechanisms, they can and for most people are incredibly helpful and even lifesaving tools at times. But they tend to become difficult to deal with in personal relationships with other alters or people irl, trauma symptoms and responses, and the like. If you have trauma, if what you experienced traumatized you, then there will be some dysfunction. And having qualified for it in the past counts too, if "but what about people post therapy" is your next argument, because those people do not lose their diagnosis then, nor their ability to split, which is itself a form of dysfunction.

It literally is synonymous with endogenic/willogenic/(western appropriated) "tulpa"/etc, unless you are confused on the actual meaning of the dysfunction component of the diagnosis.

Because if you have DID/OSDD/UDD/P-DID, you have trauma, and that's what makes this a disorder. Every trauma response becomes non-adaptive in some scenario, even if it's generally useful and helpful in your life. Memory issues, emotional bleedover from parts stuck in trauma time, arguments between parts, persecutors in any capacity, etc etc etc? All of those are dysfunction.

Hope this helps 👍

*=UDD, P-DID also obviously included here, all dissociative disordered systems are welcome explicitly.

[rab1darachn1d]

INTRO💥💥💥

Name: Ozzie/Sunday + anyname from my url

Pronouns: he/they pref but idrc

Agender, bi, aroace spectrum

TVhead robotkin and spiderkin💥💥💥

Special interests are spiders(specifically tarantulas) and psychology

Dyslexic!!! Sorry for spelling mistakes/reading stuff wrong and please don't use super small or hard to read fonts when talking directly to me!!! Typing quirks are fine but if you can control them or add translations thats greatly appreciated

MINOR!!! idc if ur over 18 and interact or if we are mutuals but dont be weird please I will just block you

WE STAND WITH PALESTINE🇵🇸🍉

(@remindertoclick <- DO YOUR DAILY CLICKS OR I'LL THROW ROCKS AT YOU)

@mechcanicalmadness MY BESTESTFRIEND AND COOLEST DAD EVER ALSO GUY WHO MADE THE FIRST 2 ARTS BELOW 💥💥💥

@absolutelymadoka IS MY MAGICAL GIRL DAUGHTER !!!! THEY ARE THE SILLIEST AND NICEST EVER BE NICE TO THEM

I help with the @bungostraycreatures gimick blog acc go look at it its run by my bestest friend :3

@sundazeing is my icons/npt/moodboard blog!!! Requests are always open, read the rules and dni if u you have anything you want me to make B)

@queenofthecafe is my Lucy bsd rp blog >::)

(user box made by @/absolutelymadoka)

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

WARNINGS /BFYI / FOR MOOTS*****

-I type in caps a lot

-Im not very good a tw tagging things tho I try my best !!! If you get triggered by anything I post/rb lmk and I'll tag it

-I swear a lot !!! Like way too much !!! I do not give a damn abt slurs AS LONG AS YOU CAN CLAIM THEM !!! IF I FIND OUT YOU USE SLURS YOU CANNOT CLAIM I'LL CALL YOU A BIGOT AND BLOCK YOU

-Anything suggestive is a joke and do NOT make jokes like that to me if we are not friends I will call you a freak

-I like to give people nicknames/ shorten people's names(mainly if ppl have a long ass name/url and it fucks me up tryna type it) but if that bothers you lmk

-Not good with tone so I use tone tags, you aren't forced to use them but if you'd like it'd make communication easier

-I have a bad habit of randomly disappearing for a few days for whatever reason, so if I accidentally ignore you sorry, please don't take it personal

-If you are a shithead to my mutuals I will be a shithead towards you <3 also blocked <3

-DMS ARE OPEN !!! FEEL FREE TO TALKS/RANT/VENT ABT WHATEVER !!! however I'm not very good at socializing and if I seem rude, standoffish or awkward I'm so sorry💀💀💀

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

SYSTEM THINGS*****

-i am the host and this is my acc though they post shit on here too

-their posts will be tagged with ***postinghours(sakepostinghours for an example)

-I love answering questions!!! However I am not a medical professional and I cannot diagnose you or speak for other systems!!!

-^ Don't ask abt triggers, alter roles or trauma I will ignore you or call you a dumbass nosey weirdo

-fictive heavy(dont be weird about them or theyll block you and idk probably call you a freak)

-^ don't bring up source trauma unless they make jokes about it first OR if they are friends with you

-^ First to treat any of them like a fictional character gets their limbs ripped off<33

-if ur another fictive theyd like to say hi but dont be weird and understand they might see you differently then how you remember them

-if you say "Can *** stop fronting/can you switch with ***" I will throw rocks at you and you will get blocked

-^ if u wanna talk to someone or have a message for someone we are happy to tell them

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

DNI*****

-basic dni(homo+transphobe, racists)

-"radqueers" and "transids"

-Proshippers and zoophiles(YALL R FUCKING NASTY GO AWAY)

-"radfems" and "terfs" (fuck you go away)

-Pro Israel mfs

-Endos/Tulpas/Willows/Mixed Origin, we will not participate in any syscourse but yall make me uncomfy

-^supporters of those

-"*** personality disorders are absuive" go away die go shoo get OUT(ily people with personality disorders)

-people who are against others with "scary" disorders fuck off you aren't helpful

-pro ed/"thinspo" mfs... wth are yall doing

-NSFW ONLY blogs (nothing against yall but im a minor)

-people who are shitty towards therians, otherkins, xenogenders, etc

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

FANDOMS + FAVORITE CHARACTERS*****

Bungo Stray Dogs(Dazai, Verlaine, Fyodor and Lucy) is my main fandom and hyperfixation BUT here are some other fandoms of mine I still like

☆ = I still actively look at/take part in

♡ = not as active but I will scream abt if given the opportunity

♤ = I like it but I'm not updated with the fandom

favorite characters r not in order

-Jujusitu Kaisen(Gojo , Megumi , Itadori and Sukuna)☆

-Deadplate(Vincent) ♡

-Genshin Impact(Baizhu, Xiao, Diluc, Childe and Dottore) ☆♡

-Honkai: StarRail(Boothill, Sunday, Clara, Sparkle, Natasha and Aventurine) ☆

-Hollow Knight(Grimm and Quirrel) ♡

-Pokemon(EMMET AND INGO💥💥💥)(Also Galvantula, Reshiram, Gallipede and Eternatus) ♡

-Madness Combat(Deimos and 2BDAMNED) ♤

-Guilty Gear(Robo-Ky, Zato, Chipp, Ky and Happy Chaos) ♤

-Wuthering Waves(Scar and Lingyang) ♤

-Cookie Run(Espresso Cookie, Red Velvet Cookie and Rougefort Cookie) ♡

-RWBY(Qrow, Phyrra, Blake and Emmerald) ♡

-Project Sekai(Rui and Shizuku)♤

-Castle Crashers(Blacksmith)♤

-No Straight Roads(Neon J)♤

-The Property of Hate(RGB)♡♤

-Stardew Valley(Sebastian, Sam and Hailey)♤

-Omori(Captain Space Boyfriend, Hero and Kel)♡♤

-Howl's Moving Castle(Howl, Calcifer and Markl)♡

-Ponyo(Fujimoto)♡♤

-Punishment Gray Raven(Wanshi)♤

-Danganrompa(Kokichi , Keebo , Gonta , Nagito , Miu and Celestia)♤

theres others but those r irrelevant we dont talk abt the dark ages

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

[intertexts]

ROS what si new haven wards. what is that.... i thought u and mac were just talkin abt somethin from like s2 of pd but u guys have benn talkin abt worm in regards to it too so i am Curious......... is it an au u guys made or something I WANNA KNOWWWW!!!! god i need 2 keep reading worm.....

OUGH. AWESOME ASK TO RECEIVE. U HAVE ACTIVATED. AUTISM BLAST!!!!!!! preemptively tagging @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone about this also. ur input is necessary.

new haven wards is effectively, prime defenders worm au :] putting the gang in the much heavier, darker, higher consequences world that spends a lot more time & puts a lot more weight on the concept of child soldier heroes!!!! putting our little guys in the blender and hitting pulse until it's a slushie!!! playing with them like playing w ants and a magnifying glass..... u get the idea!! junior heroes in the training system in parahumans or at least on earth bet r called wards, ergo. new haven wards!!

a lot of the main differences at this point r in powers & maybe characterization a bit.... in parahumans the way u get powers is through going through severe and life-breaking trauma!!! (& also there r some rules via how powers develop irt trigger events & also worm just has..... my fucking favorite power system ever. its so good.) so their powersets r a bit different than in canon, they r 1 billion times more codependent and fucked up (they r being systematically exploited & have no one really but each other & r put in situations where murder and sexual and racial violence and like straight up flayed corpses r par for the course!!) anyway, their hero names r failsafe (dakota) imprint (virion), whisperer (wibby-- he took his brother's last name in this au!) & [dial tone sound] (ashe)(have not thought abt ashe much bc mac has not gotten to the part in worm that explains how i think he would work in this world n i dont wanna thoroughly develop him without them!!) <333

[youremyheaven]

I need some advice. I feel like I'm dying. Going through the worst period cramps ever (never had this in the past 11 years), it literally feels like someone is stabbing my cervix, uterine walls and the pathway walls (I feel a bit shy calling it what it is...like a normal woman). Its so bad, I've never had it like this before. Has to do with the fact I was having isues, doc put me on meds, as soon as the dosage was done: red sea spilleth over.

Know any home remedies to help? Or just any other advice to deal with this? Can't go to the doc rn, she'll suggest to hold off pain meds, I am taking over the counter anti-inflammatory stuff..yk the one for fevers and other pains. Its not working. Its been so debilitating...I can't sleep, sit, breathe, do anything...yk the type of pain that makes you bend and make your mouth water...idk if that happens to anyone else but yeah....

OMGGG 😩😨😨😓that sounds soooo rough, I hope you're feeling better now???

I have taken meftal spas for cramps since I was maybe 16-17 years old. Idk if that's available in other parts of the world??? but its widely available in India and its specifically for period cramp induced pain<333 I'm not a doctor so pls don't take any medication without exercising caution first!!! you may not react well to it or it may have adverse effects bc of the medication you're already taking ://// 😩😩

on that note, practicing yin yoga (which focuses on releasing stress from the hip area/psoas muscles) has greatly changed my reproductive system as a whole tbh, my sex drive changed, my relationship with my body changed (like even the way i walk changed bc my hips loosened up, which meant i walked more "freely" dont tell me its woowoo,, yk can just tell when someone's body is very "frozen" or "stiff" looking) and yesss my menstrual cycle was immensely affected by it.

i used to have HORRIBLE cramps, irregular cycles, HEAVY bleeding etc in my mid-late teens (this was because of trauma + eating disorder, in case u wanted to know) and now? my period is 3 days long, light bleeding, little to no pain and i attribute alllll of that to yoga<3

now i specifically like to do certain mudras and asanas (poses) which are supposed to help the female body specifically

and while this can help u when u are on your period, i suggest making it part of your lifestyle and living according to your monthly cycle's phases so that you can experience smoother periods. i dont think its realistic to do them if you're experiencing immense pain 😭

Legs-Up-The-Wall Pose (Viparita Karani)

This pose is known for increasing blood flow to the pelvic region which helps enhance the health of your reproductive organs.

2. Baddha konasana aka butterfly pose

helps the uterus<333

3. balasana or child's pose

tbh this might actually help even if ur ON your period, lying down like this is soooo soothing and comforting. ppl overcomplicate yoga, when the reality is that holding your body in certain poses can emotionally feel very comforting/freeing/nourishing etc but then again im only familiar with yin yoga/restorative yoga (there are manyyyy different types of yoga)

4. happy baby pose

as the name suggests this is how babies lay down and they seem happy for no reason,, i remember the first time i consciously did this pose and i was like???? this is yoga??? bc i would randomly do poses like these for no reason in bed (im sure we all do when we're bored) and if i intentionally do it?? its actually good for me??

again this pose helps with the hip muscles!!! the female body is always preparing for childbirth. regardless of whether or not you want to be a mom, taking care of your womb health and reproductive well being is CRUCIAL bc whether we like it or not we were designed this way and dont think of it as "preparing my body to bear children" just think of it as "preparing my body to be at its best" (the bearing kids is just a bonus) .. the state of your womb affects your whole being!!! its not a joke!!!

now here's some mudras:

yoni mudra

yoni means womb and as u can see, this pose imitates the 🫣🫣 its a highly beneficial mudra for women and helps with overall pelvic health. you can do it sitting cross legged. i like to chant mantras and do this pose,, it kicks in quicker or smthng idk 😳but it feels ✨

2. prana mudra

do this mudra on both hands btw!!

prana means life force

this mudra helps with overall immunity and pain management!!!

3. prithvi mudra

prithvi means earth and this mudra helps balance the earth element in your energetic system which means its gives you strength, resilience and physical energy (in case u feel tired, fatigued etc for no reason) as those are the qualities of the earth

now for some pranayamas

Bhramari/ honeybee buzzing

this is my fav bc its so simple and easy to do!! and who doesn't want to buzz like a bee??? 🥰😍

2. anulom vilom

this is also a very simple pranayam for beginners

the whole idea is to get your body into a state of relaxation so that you dont operate from a place of stress or anxiety. you can just feel peaceful all the time. imagine being that unbothered!!

sorry for going off on a tangent (me with every post lmao) these are some beginner friendly yoga asanas/mudras/pranayamas (all of which are diff components of yoga) that u can try when u feel comfortable!!

NOW about alleviating pain ASAP:

hot water bag

put that thing on ur stomach and lie down (after taking medicine) my mom used to do this all the time and it helped her a lot

2. roobois tea

i drink roobois tea almost everyday hehe but its said to help alleviate menstrual cramps 🤔and lower blood pressure,,

3. chamomile tea

is also said to help with period pain :o

4. look into your diet, sleep, overall lifestyle

you may not have had pain of this sort before but babe NOW UR A WOMAN ✨and u have to look at your lifestyle and ensure that its something that helps a woman's body feel rested and calm

being stressed all the time can take a physical toll on you and lead to all kinds of diseases later in life!! its in your best interest to RELAX

idk how much this helped 😭😭the most convenient thing to do would be to take medicine but u said u can't so :((( hot water bag + roobois tea???

ALSOOOO always wear socks during your period and keep your feet covered. i have sensitive feet so i wear socks at home often (this is uncommon in india, where we have a tropical climate lmao) BUT KEEP THOSE FEET COVERED,, there's some kind of science behind it but i dont remember it lmao,, all i know is that it makes me bleed less<333 and have more cozy periods and sleep better<33

ALSOOOO,, this could be an old wives tale but it worked for me (but im also delusional😍) eating dark chocolate and/or having a spoon of oil on day 1 of your period makes your period go smoothly?? 😭😭😭there's no harm in trying hehe

ALSOOO and ive never tried this but heating up like a tablespoon of oil and applying it to the bellybutton area 😳😳can help alleviate period pain 😳😳

lastly and most importantly, im just a girlblogger and NOT A MEDICAL EXPERT so pls dont put urself in an adverse position bc of something i said 😭😭😭

love always,

heaven ✨

[pumpkinsy0]

I feel like Curly & Tim (not Angela, she totally does this) don't broadcast their loss/pain. Like Ponyboy has no qualms about getting teary over the loss of his parents or Johnny & Dally, but Curly won't say shit about what or whom he lost. It's not that he believes his pain is greater, but that talking about it appears weak in his mind and that's the one thing he can't be. Also, I HC that Curly has suffered more loss in his life than Ponyboy, but again, doesn't say anything. Also he figured out quick and long ago it makes someone look like a dick if they start a sentence with: "Oh yeah? Well. . . ."

The Shepards got some lore to them. Especially if we use your HCs of being Haitian.

Ponyboy: "I lost my parents and best friends."

Curly, who was ran out of his native homeland, stuffed into the xenophobic, poverty stricken unfair justice system of the united states, endures legal racism daily and was just able to last year sit at the same lunch table as Ponyboy., "That sucks man."

mention of my shepards being haitian refugees???,,,,aw yea,,,

cant believe ppl actually read that post tbh, anon i could platonically kiss u rn

ALSO i dont think i wanna compare their trauma honestly i think theyve both had some fucked up lives they r forced to deal w, however if i was given an opportunity to give these niggas a therapist, the shepards would definitely be first in line to get em, cause at least w pony he HAS outlets to express himself, yknow??? w the shepards, namely tim and curly i think their issues would run deep bc they dont rlly want to admit they have problems, they just wanna live their lives

curly would unironically help someone else’s life than to actually help his own bc he’d have to admit that theres something wrong w him and the life he’s living but thats rlly all he’s known

he especially doesnt admit when he’s homesick, he doesnt wanna talk about it at all, he especially cant bc its the 60s, hes already looked down upon brah, hes quite literally JUST gaining his rights

i think if pony was to rlly know curlys history he himself would feel bad for talking about his own issues to curly and curly would feel bad that pony doesnt wanna talk to him about his problems and its a weird ass cycle

like u dont just make an organized crime gang and establish ur family as ppl who shouldnt b messed w just bc u felt like it, u had to have gone through something that made u want to protect urself and my shepards MUST have their stories told☝🏽☝🏽

[deadangelzz]

heyyyyy :3

regarding ur ask game u rbed - im super duper interested in DID n have recurring hyperfixations on it (in the most normal way possible i promise i just have a special interest in psychology sobbing)

pls answer literally any questions u like i dont wanna type out every individual one........ thank u ily

(Answers to some questions below the cut! :D)

Just so no assumptions are made, I feel like I should start by saying that our experience isn’t the same as every other systems experience! This is just what our personal experience with being a system is like! I’m sure you’re already aware of that but sometimes it’s not always at the forefront of people’s minds when talking about CDDs…

❤️ - What type of CDD do you have?

We’re a polyfragmented DID system! Polyfragmentation is when a system has an overall more complex structure (easily splitting sometimes from “every day stress”, complex innerworlds/headspaces, more specific roles beyond caretaker or trauma holder, etcetera) than a non-polyfrag system! It’s not a medically recognized term as far as we’re aware but you can find more info about them on tumblr too! A lot of systems like us go more in depth about their experience as a polyfrag system!

📼 - Do you have any non-human alters? If yes, which species are the majority of them?

We have a lot of non-human alters! We have a couple of moth people (if that’s even what you would call them?? even they don’t really seem to know LMAO), a whole bunch of demons for some reason, and some that aren’t really able to be explained and are just kind of nothing and also everything?

🎞️ - Do the alters in your system use more medical coined roles or more community coined roles? Or both/neither? Do you find them useful?

We use a mixture of both! We’ve found that community coined roles help us understand our jobs a lot better and the overall relationship some of the more job-oriented alters have with the system!

🎙️- Does the taste in music vary a lot between different alters?

I would say so! I think we all enjoy the same music but our preferences are also different. Some of us like death metal and on the opposite end of the spectrum some of us love trashy 2000s pop

⚡️ - What does switching feel like for you? Does it vary between alters?

I’m not sure if it really varies between alters but I think for the most part in my experience switching feels like a disconnection from the mind and body. I can’t really keep one train of thought or remember anything that happened after switching

🌱 - Do you have a headspace? If yes, describe it!

We do have a headspace! It’s split up into different neighborhoods or sections where different alters live. As far as I’m aware these aren’t really split up for any real organizational reason anyone can go to and from different sections if they want!

🍫 - How does your system handle in system disagreements in general?

The way we handle it almost entirely depends on the alter. Some alters we put in a get along shirt and some we have to hold them back from doing something stupid /lh

I hope this was informative in some way! It was a lot of fun to answer these!

(also I love your blog so much…hilson posts keep me thriving)

-Stacey, Gwen

[inloveforevr]

Btw i think it’s very wrong to spread this rhetoric where u gotta watch all the traumatising videos on the internet. U dont need to do that. Sharing information is one thing but seeking out traumatising videos that will obviously leave u in shock is not a good long term strategy. U will burn out and you are not doing yourself a favour. Esp if u have been through big trauma already or some sort of PTSD. Ur nervous system will inevitably shut down and you will not be able to function effectively. So please, take breaks from this. It is not healthy to be exposed to unfolding news constantly. It doesn’t mean your support for what’s happening is invalid. U must to take care of yourself first.

[girlflowertelevision]

INTRODUCING... THE ONE N ONLY..! PUT UR HANDS TOGETHER 4.. *drum roll please*

Meeee! Its me! :3 look here I am!

i dont have locs anymore :'3 I actually belly flopped off a diving board SO HARD the little lockage i had came undone! Like the weezer song! >B] anywhoz

WELCOME TO MY PAGE :3 HEREZ SUM INFOS ABT ME ^^;;

My interests!!! (^∧^)

I LUV SAPPHICS!!! AND QUEER.. ANYTHING! >///< im sapphos apprentice fr

my favorite shows r animes that will ruin ur life and childhood cartoons!! ^_^ like madoka magica, death note, erased, adventure time, my little pony friendship is magic, chowder, fish hooks etc etc! >;3

My favorite artists are hastune miku!!! And nicki minaj and System of a Down! :3 and tyler the creator and lemon demon and tally hall and jack stauber and spellcasting <3

I don't like labels :P)) I like writing scripts, songs, drawing and singing and theater and film - i don't have an act in specific. I just do what makes me happy

I draw and make comics and cartoons! I love art and animation so very much! My dream is to be a well-known cartoonist for many different projects ^_^ I adore indie animation, too!! Bugbo and the amazing digital circus and big top burger are my inspirations currently >:3c

My dni

Basic dni info don't be racist don't be a terf no pro contact/anti contact zoos or maps no mspec lesbians yadda yadda all the normal stuff and if u consider urself one of those "I hate everyone equally" centrist dickheads then gtfo my traphouse, disrespectfully <3

ALSO im very much cringe coded so if u embrace "cringe culture" or are against furrys or gacha kids or just people being themselves and being happy without hurting anyone (keyword: WITHOUT) you can also gtfo my traphouse NO BULLIES ALLOWED! /srs

Also, pro shipping is a sensitive subject for me. If your ships are harmful or downright disgusting, dni. I know it can be a coping skill for trauma, but my acc isn't the best place for that sorry bud :/

BYF!

Hey! Im a minor!! Im 16!! Keep that in mind if ur an nsfw acc or centered around adult topics!! <33

I go by fae/faer prns mostly!!! She/her is ok too but i prefer fae/faer!! ^_^ I have some xenos like doggie/doggiez as well!

I'm autistic!!! :3 self diagnosed for now trying to get a medical diagnosis soon! So tone tags are very much appreciated! /srs

I'm down with the sickness /ref

... by that I mean I got a lot going on in my life :p living situation and mental illnesses, I'll just be posting whenever I wanna, no strict schedule

I'm super silly and still figuring myself out! So come along with me like the adventure time song n Diddy and watch me grow thru my shenanigans on this totally valid real and not social simulation of an app/website >:D

[kiruliom]

me when I have trauma and Im still endogenic bc guess what being an endo system doesnt mean u dont have trauma at all.

"u just want attention" I have histrionic personality disorder of course I want attention but there is easier ways to get there than faking being a system which can get complicated. also if I faked being a sys Id go the whole mile with intricate inner worlds and clear communication between alters and like 100s of members and shit. you have 0 idea how attention seeking disorders work and youre just being ableist in defense of who u believe to be 'real' disabled people (there is no real or fake disabled person here)

"ur no better that transdid people" we still didnt choose to be plural, if we could we'd rather have been a singlet with stable emotions and a sense of self but ig too late for that. I wouldnt want final fusion now, theyre a part of me and family that I can finally feel safe with, neither I nor they cease to exist just bc we dont fit your idea of a system.

-a very VERY mentally unstable Vivi, iwc.

[nahalism]

Did you ever experience some kind of…almost debilitating anxiety? I’m talking of months or + gnawed and exhausted by fear and both mental and physical sensations that come with it. How did/do you move through it

luv

a long one in advance but lol yh bare times. ill answer ur question, but there's two sides to the route i took and i have 2 preface with everything i did and do is based off of what i feel is right for me at the time. it doesnt mean its right though, and im very aware of that, so ill share some parts, but ultimately each person has is their own experience. the first step to moving through something, is looking for answers so like.. deeper than whatever i have to say, the answer is not in my answer, its in the fact u want answers

anyway. throwback to 6 ish years ago, i was having a breakdown breakthru and i started viewing what i called anxiety, as hyper vigilance. i started to see i was using a way of perceiving reality, along with my ability for analysis, to create correlations between my present, based on my perception of the past, to determine/predict the future (both futile and fallible), not cause i wanted to know what was going to happen, but because i thought keeping account of all possible outcomes gave me control and control would keep me safe and stop me experiencing a version of life i didnt want to go back to (more specifically it stopped me feeling helpless & inconsequential). as i understood that, along with the traumas at the root of my hyper vigilance, and the anxiety (social and general cause they r v separate), i recognised that i wanted control because i wasn't confident i could take charge or respond to reality without immense preparation. on top of that, i was resisting the fact that i was anxious because i was calling the symptoms i was experiencing my anxiety, but the real anxiety was the way i thought, and i was actually addicted to thinking in that way, because even though i hated it, and what it did to my body/nervous system, it was protecting my ego by giving me a false sense of control.

so that was my first step. i began to take action from where i was, as i was. that meant listening to what made me anxious. for example, if a place or person made me anxious, i didnt interact or go. i validated myself and what i was feeling. & i dont mean that in an avoidant sense, ill say why in a second. but yeah i validated what i was feeling, and began to see that the more i gave myself permission to be who i was, and do what i wanted unapologetically, the less direct anxiety id experience. and that sounds like an easy decision to have made in hindsight but usually, the change a persons anxious to make is something that in the moment requires a huge leap of faith but seems inevitable in hindsight. anyway, that's when i really realised that i was anxious because i was living an inauthentic life based on premeditation rather than presence. i had/have concurrent ptsd, so there were a lot of emotions i hadn't felt in a long time without realising, like passion or genuine laughter, happiness, joy, peace. id literally forgotten anything but this autopilot need to protect myself, be there for the people that had been there for me and stay alive. in giving myself permission to be different from who i had been, i started to see the world free from what my past dictated it should be and everything started to open up as as a consequence. side note, id been studying metaphysics and philosophy since 6 form, and i can't underestimate how much the principles i learned there helped me transmute my situation. ive recommended all those books in here before, so u can find them, but yeah . it sounds pretty and idyllic and as essy as 'changing my mind' but it was fucking brutal. i transformed in every sense of the word i lost almost everything in the process. there were wins along the way but 90% of them were silver linings of my own deciding. however, nothing i lost needed to stay! and everything i chose to go through or was subjected to led me to understand me and opened options as to how i could cultivate a beautiful and real inner life that eventually began to bleed out into the 'real' world.

the dark side of that, which is how i reached most of those revelations and insights, is the experiential bit that i can't communicate. i literally put myself through hell, and i can type till my fingers fall of and still never convey the full picture of how what why when, but yh. when i said i listened to my anxiety, i meant that literally. as i said before, i didnt allow myself to be avoidant. so if there was a reason i didnt want to do something, i honoured it, but lets say the only obstacle to me doing something was my anxiety, id force myself to do it, to the point of masochism. literally, i was obsessed. day in day out i was reading on self improvement, i studied every religion, researched philosophers, listened to hour long lectures on youtube, i did everything i could do to understand myself, my mind, life, and how to reprogram what i was experiencing. at the same time as this i used to myself in situations that would trigger panic attacks, or dissociative episodes and find ways to 'function' through it. one that worked very well was smoking weed, sometimes alone, sometimes in bad company. weed gave me severe panic attacks at the time, so when i was on my own, id smoke to induce panic attacks so i could meditate, breathe, draw, write, literally do whatever helped to bring myself through the panic attack. then when i felt capable with that, id smoke in bad company and practice with the pressure of being in front of people and there would be times id b having full blown panic attacks in front of people, sometimes with, but usually without them knowing and the whole time was just training myself to understand or pay attention to my mental patterns, training myself to calm myself down, to reach a zone where i could see through what was triggering me, or at the very least just firm it. and the more i did that, the more i understood why i was dissociating, or collapsing, or having chest pains, hyperventilating all that shit. the more i understood, the more i reeeaaally understood, and then i got to a point where even though the trigger is there lol, it still exists, but when it gets pulled i can hold the explosion. because i feel it happening, i see it happening, but it happens to something within me and not to me now? and so i kind of watch it and love and appreciate it for what learning to temper it taught me. its like a familiar old friend has its quirks that i wouldn't change for the world and yh idk im just rambling i need to go to bed. but basically i stopped being debilitated by anxiety by living in complete debilitation of it until it couldn't debilitate me any more. id be lying if i didnt say it drove me to very dark, lonely, appearance of being semi crazy states of being, but it was worth it and still is.

without the period of isolation the second half of what i described put me through, i couldnt have found realignment cause i wouldnt have seen how incorrect my projection of my past onto the future was, or how to correct it. & deep it, if all u know is death misery lack poverty shortage economic & social insecurity, then all u can see for the future is that. once u open ur eyes and see urself and the world for what is u can start playing. it wasnt easy, and im still not over being anxious. but its not debilitating, just an uneasy emotion. & the way i see it at this point, its just my inner system seeing something what my eyes dont & making me aware. when i listen im redirected, and can find alignment. when i dont it gets worse, and the only way out is to be numb. but i wanna live and i cant live numb. hope i answered, love <3

[realsafari]

if ur ok with me asking, what’s ur opinion on endogenic systems?

as a person w a plural dissociative disorder (due to childhood shit which i will NOT go into)

endogenic systems r not valid.

bitch u do not go *poof* “omg im plural!”

some regular systems (traumagenic) might use endogenic label as a coping mechanism. thats totally fine.

true endogenocy, including tulpagenocy, is not real, nor valid. dissociative disorders REQUIRE a pretty severe amount of early childhood trauma to form.

they are never fun and games. i hate mine, and i prefer to pretend it doesnt exist. to anyone, even myself, i dont have one.

endogenocy is glorifying and romanticizing my sickness.

i will never support it.

[eddies-darling-pup]

Intro post: (taken) willing darling

@eddies-darlings lil pup

Minors dni please

Block the tag ns/fw if ur uncomfy w those posts, not every post will be explicitly ns/fw

Goth willing darling puppy boyfriend

DID system but this blog belongs to me, the alter named Caius. (He/they/she)

Interactions:

I’m so in love w attention pls give it but only if it’s platonic and for now nonsexual (will update when this changes)

I am not yours, as much as we can tease ;) i’m my partner’s

No nsfw pics at any time sent to us we’ll report u bc we’re letting u know rn we have s*xual trauma and will not tolerate seeing it unprompted

Warning before nsfw text (like i said dont talk sexually towards me, but feel free to send imagines you want me to do or ask if a certain situation is something I’d enjoy)

Uhhhhh i adore asks anyway bye

[heroictoonz]

not going to comment on the ramcoa stuff? yeah thought not.

Crazy how I have a life and a job and didn't give a shit to respond to u when I'm busy n only scrolly tumblr idly but since u clearly got a thing for me ill bite cause you also need my opinions reexplained to you like a child

Also I googled ramcoa cause I didn’t know what that word means (i also didnt know what endo meant till like earlier this fuckin year cause everyone was being very loud and annoying about it) and all I got was "RAMCOA is an acronym for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, and Organized Abuse." which like. what the FUCK are you even talking about mind control? fucking ORGANIZED ABUSE this is like classic cult aligned shit how does this even relevant to endos and that stuff. please tell me this is a word or acronym for something else that google isnt telling me cause just genuinely huh

listen i took a look at the link u sent i dont wanna post that cause i dont want ppl harassing others on the internet like you seem to want but just for the love of fuck listen to me for two seconds like honest to god read my words and let them sink in

the post you sent me i have literally no context for to me it looks like a shit post. ive made jokes like that before and i need to reiterate that they are JOKES and i am NOT ENDO and i say shit for goofs cause to me and my friends its funny. whether it is or is not a joke is, honestly, not my business. I dont know that person personally i dont know their life i dont know their story so i dont set it as my mission to find people i dont agree with and flip my shit at them. again. life. job. no interest. im 24 and literally not my job to babysit other ppl on the internet i block who i dont like follow who i do and live on w my life (which. highly recommended for all. you too Chuck. makes life so much more livable)

in regards to ur stuff about misinformation the way I see it is people will spread bullshit about just about every topic under the sun. it is, once again, not my job to go around "um actually" everything on the internet. if someone asks me a question i answer if someone im directly talking to has wrong information i try to correct them

When it comes to a lot of people, however, not many of them want to change their minds on things. sometimes some people arent even at a point of their life to be open minded and listen. which, im not gonna stress myself out to correct someone else. Even i had a point in my life where i was so hardheaded and full of hate (it was a weird cringe culture group i was in and didnt think for myself and honestly i caused a lot of damage in that time of my life and even now I regret it. But man thats life. And like if i try to correct and if they dont listen i go okay and dip after a point (which, for you. is prob gonna be here. cause im gonna say all my thoughts here and be done with this conversation honestly also work is suuuuuper busy rn like fr wish me luck w this summer season sobs) theres a part of me that hopes you will either see reason with this reply and chill out or you will continue to disagree with me but at least for both of our sanity stop messaging me either way i wont be replying again to you just so you are aware

now im just gonna be so fucking blunt here. do i believe endo is a thing? (ie: people can be systems without trauma) honestly? i dont know! here is how i see it; im not a medical professional. I have an interest in psychology i have a copy of the dsm5 cause im a nerd (its with my law books. again. im a nerd.) but im no scientist. at the same time; i dont really trust medical professionals all that much? i would like to. really i would. but it always feels like so many of them dont take the time to actually try with diagnosis. too many people of color or fat people and shit like that always say that they are constantly misdiagnosed or ignored due to predigests. again, because i was born a girl i was never diagnosed properly when i was a kid. this happened twice actually! and even then ive had to deal with doctors and therapists who dont believe me even WITH a formal diagnosis to my name. ive had a therapist tell me that i DIDNT have bpd because i was, in her words, "too nice" and she refused to start me on cbd insisting the doctor was wrong. its scary as fuck honestly. plus, like i said in the last post, mental health is so under researched. which is also so scary to me. theres so much that doctors dont know. that WE dont know. theres so much that doctors get wrong. sometimes cause theyre only human and sometimes cause they willfully ignore patients.

so, the way i see it, is that maybe you can have a system without trauma or maybe you cant. i dont know personally and where i stand i dont know how much credit i would put to research done on a mental disability that is still to this day so disgustingly stigmatized and viewed as dangerous or scary. ive seen split. i know david haller (i like david haller but also every time i think about the live action show or how they really treat him as a character i sob in my little heart every fuckin day man fr) so to me i chalk it up to 'fuck if i know' and move on.

The other thing is that since i personally am not an endo in my head i also have no evidence to form a hard opinion on this at all. Again, my system DID come from trauma. In fact, for most of the system mates i can pinpoint exactly which traumas and/or parts of my life they came from (some i dont but i am also pretty sure im missing a very large chunk of my middle school memories so who the fuck knows) but honestly. if you have a hard opinion on the yes or no here thats fine youre intitled to your own opinion ig

but you shouldnt harass people on the internet or accuse them of being fake. this is what my problem is with anti-endos.

This has also been my like, whole side of this conversation. Which is why im really begging you to listen and read my words cause i very much think you are reading me wrong here. I literally couldnt give less of a shit about your personal opinion on this kinda stuff. Like i dont know you were not friends you’re a random anon on the internet. You disagreeing with me does not phase me one bit. I clearly have stuff to say but thats just cause i talk a lot and like to share my thoughts more than anything else. Honestly. You can send me a like one sentence question and ill accidentally reply with an essay. Have you SEEN the rants ive been on lmaooo

What does frustrate me, is that you feel the need to harass people and accuse people of faking stuff for attention with NO fucking thought. When you sent your first anon i can only assume its cause i reblogged my friend Wendy’s post about endos and syscourse (i hate syscourse so much but MAN that is a good fucking play on words it almost makes me mad lol) you asked if i had did/osdd and i said yes and you IMMEDIATELY went into my asks and accused me of being 1) an endo and 2) faking for attention despite that neither of those can be inferred by my answer especially when i 1) never once said I WAS endo personally (because. Again. Not) and 2) i specifically explained in my first response (thinking u were just a good natured random) that while, yes, i am a system, i dont talk about it very openly or much at all only vaguely mentioning it here n there on my personal blog when i feel the need or want on a specific topic (like when i made a joke post about being a system and watching RvB and the Meta who is this character that has a buncha AI crammed in his head). If anything, it makes you more fuckin wrong cause me NOT mentioning being a system almost ever shows more to the light that im NOT focusing on wanting attention or shit like that if anything i think i make more jokes about being autistic and trans. Are you gonna accuse me of being fake trans and fake autistic just for attention? Because i talk about it more? No, cause that would make like zero sense. (Unless u want to ig tho honestly i think being called a fake trans would be so funny as anon hate like genuinely that would make me snort i think. Guy who uses he/him and openly talks about having periods and shit like that accused as fake trans rguireghrhuigr)

To me, at least, you have already proven that your ideology is flawed. Your method of pointing out ‘fakes’ and ‘attention seekers’ is just really nonsensical. Either that or you do honestly have the reading comprehension of a five year old. The oooonly reason i could maaaaaybe see you thinking im ‘attention seeking’ is when I vaguely mentioned in the tags of that first post that I had a system specific blog however i also 1) do not advertise it nor did i put the name of it on that post OR ask you to follow it and 2) admitted that its barely ever used. Again, still making no sense to your accusation

And like, honestly, at the end of the day, accusing people you dont know on the internet just by random posts they post or terminology they identify with for being fake is just so, in your own words, gross. You dont know these people’s lives. You dont know what they’ve been through. Again, completely ignoring whether you can or cannot have system without trauma my original long response talked about how the person identifying as endo might actually have trauma and not know/recognize it as such and by harassing them you are only making everything worse for them. You LITERALLY do not know these people. You dont know me and you made that very clear when you were so crushingly wrong about me by literally just the second anon you sent.

As someone who deals with the anxiety and fear that i am secretly a fake and dont know it, not just about being a system but like. A SHIT ton of stuff in my life, it does not help when random fucking people come accusing me of that exact fear. Going back to that therapist who tried to tell me she didnt think i had bpd it took me SO FUCKING LONG to accept i did in fact have bpd after that. And it was fucking painful to deal with mentally. When every sign in the motherfucking book pointed to YES i have this thing but all it took was ONE woman with a degree to tell me i was ‘too nice’ and suddenly my world fell apart. I no longer felt like i had a name to the feelings and thoughts i was suffering from. Dude that shit SUCKS it is SO painful and stressful. Like literally, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not inflict that on others. You might think youre bringing justice in some weird way but theres a higher chance that you are hurting people just as much as you seem to think endos cause hurt.

Now, because i know you SO DESPERATELY wanna know my opinion on the post you sent in the unanswered ask, honestly? I dont know how much i agree with that persons post. Like. Playing in the field of maybe that was an honest to god opinion and not just like a joke they were making, really not sure how i feel about it. In my opinion, i wouldn’t be running around trying to get my brain to spawn in more little fuckers to deal with. But i also have a lot of mixed feelings about being a system and my headmates. For one i dont get along with all of them, and not all of them get along with each other. Shits really annoying and in some extreme cases stressful as fuck. Every time something new pops into existence, I’ll be real, im kinda scared. I dont know how things will once again change or shift. And my head is just a single head. Its one brain that now has to deal with so much going on i get a lot of headaches and dissociate sometimes even in the middle of doing things or talking to people cause shit will just randomly become chaos (tho im sure other mental things attribute to all that too here n there idk) but I wouldn’t say i hate being a system. I also dont think id ever wanna do that like fuse therapy shit and get rid of the others. Both out of a fear of losing myself and a fear of losing some of them. That shit sounds kinda scary to me. And where, yeah theres some that i dont get along with, there are others that i do get along with! And love a lot! I jokingly call some of them my siblings cause a lot of them have been around since i was a little kid (tho ill admit for a while I thought i just had a REALLY strong imagination and that for some reason my imaginary friends kept talking to me even as an adult till i finally realized hm. Maybe this is not the case. Lol) so like ya you’ll never see me honest to god saying ‘man i wish i had MORE random bastards in my head’ but like, thats just me

I’ve met so many systems and a lot of them are different. I’ve met some that WANT to fuse (i dont think thats the word they use for that therapy but i just got home from a stressful 8 hours on The Grind so I can’t think words all too well lol) ive met people that LOVE being a system people who hate it people who are pretty indifferent to it. I’ve met systems who are have a different person fronting every day ive met systems where you almost never see or hear from the others and its just primarily the host that takes charge. So many different people feel differently about the same things. That’s just life. But I am not gonna use ONE post randomly shown to me to 1) make an assumption on someone (especially something as harmful as faking) or 2) as a valid reason to harass them. Especially not when the person showing the post to me has only acted hostile towards me. Like honestly. Genuine tip here, being rude and mean to people is not how you try to change their minds or try to educate them on something. Walking into my house and telling me im the fake hedgehog just cause of one post and one answered ask and then trying to tell me im wrong is like so not the way my guy fr

I’m pretty sure ive said my entire peace on the matter here. So yeah, again if you send me any more anons i wont be answering them. I’m saying this just to try and save you some time and also some peace of mind. Honestly, please block me. Please forget my existence and go live your life. Its honestly worrying how you have now spent like two days in my anons about this shit, like i am not even joking like the joke is over please please please finish reading this, block me, and go watch one of your favorite comfort movies and smile i mean this so seriously

[mimisixer]

temp pinned post, just to get everyone familiar w/ what i post here and stuff

ABT ME

— 19 years old

— he/she/any neos

— physically disabled && wheelchair user

— comp virus enthusiast, lover of storymaking and oc creation

INTERESTS

— fnaf, gravity falls, los campesinos, sam and max, computer viruses, cinders (the band)

— rainworld, cat genetics, stray, 5 billion other things.

BYF

— anti-endo. we believe a fair chunk of "endogenic systems" are simply miseducated, but the rest can explode; my trauma is not your toy.

— multifandom or whatever idk i dont live here im just chilling. i post whatever i want !

— headmates will have signoffs in the tags if we can remember. Unfortunately we are the forgetters

— autistic & adhd. fnd. pdid system.

— i support sdx. if u dont get out ‼️‼️‼️

— hh/hb likers plz dont interact, the shows make me incredibly uncomfortable

NOTES

— i block freely. dont take it as a personal thing unless ur proship/zionist/any general weirdos or freaks. UR WEIRD!!! BLOWING U UP W MY MIND!!!!!!

— tone+text is off tonally due to passive influence