#co dependent

[lumpyorganelle]

Passive dependency

Source: The Road Less Travelled - M. Scott Peck

Passive dependency has its genesis in lack of love.

The inner feeling of emptiness from which passive dependent people suffer is the direct result of their parents' failure to fulfil their needs for affection, attention and care during their child-hood.

It was mentioned in the first section that children who are loved and cared for with relative consistency throughout childhood enter adulthood with a deep-seated feeling that they are lovable and valuable and therefore will be loved and cared for as long as they remain true to themselves.

Children growing up in an atmosphere in which love and care are lacking or given with gross inconsistency enter adulthood with no such sense of inner security.

Rather, they have an inner sense of insecurity, a feeling of "I don't have enough" and a sense that the world is unpredictable and ungiving, as well as a sense of themselves as being questionably lovable and valuable.

It is no wonder, then, that they feel the need to scramble for love, care and attention

wherever they can find it, and once having found it, cling to it with a desperation that leads them to unloving, manipulative, Machiavellian behaviour that destroys the very relationships they seek to preserve.

As also indicated in the previous section, love and discipline go hand in hand, so that unloving, uncaring parents are people lacking in discipline, and when they fail to provide their children with a sense of being loved, they also fail to provide them with the capacity for self-discipline.

Thus the excessive dependency of the passive dependent individuals is only the principal manifestation of their personality disorder.

Passive dependent people lack self-discipline.

They are unwilling or unable to delay gratification of their hunger for attention.

In their desperation to form and preserve attachments they throw honesty to the winds. They cling to outworn relationships when they should give them up. Most important, they lack a sense of responsibility for themselves.

They passively look to others, frequently even their own children, as the source of their happiness and fulfilment, and therefore when they are not happy or fulfilled they basically feel that others are responsible.

Consequently they are endlessly angry, because they endlessly feel let down by others who can never in reality fulfil all their needs or "make" them happy.

I have a colleague who often tells people, "Look, allowing yourself to be dependent on another person is the worst possible thing you can do to yourself. You would be better off being dependent on heroin. As long as you have a supply of it, heroin will never let you down; if it's there, it will always make you happy. But if you expect another person to make you happy, you'll be endlessly disappointed."

As a matter of fact, it is no accident that the most common disturbance that passive dependent people manifest beyond their relationships to others is dependency on drugs and alcohol.

Theirs is the "addictive" personality.

"They are addicted to people, sucking on them and gobbling them up, and when people are not available to be sucked and gobbled, they often turn to the bottle or the needle or the pill as a people-substitute."

In summary, dependency may appear to be love because it is a force that causes people to fiercely attach themselves to one another. But in actuality it is not love; it is a form of antilove. It has its genesis in a parental failure to love and it perpetuates the failure.

It seeks to receive rather than to give. It nourishes infantilism rather than growth. It works to trap and constrict rather than to liberate. Ultimately it destroys rather than builds relationships, and it destroys rather than builds people.

[swansongxoxo]

Growing up i’ve been surrounded by swans. I don’t blame them for my co-dependent nature but they were definitely God throwing some symbolism in my life. ☆

[zek-is-alive]

[accidentalslayer]

[manhwamuneca]

His personality can be so Trash sometimes... welp, at least he's hot. Most importantly, he wouldn't hurt his baby

[my-brain-on-hold]

2/2

When I moved forward from magical thinking as part of the process of treating and managing order to treat my OCD, this also which also included letting go of the slight but comforting belief I had in the idea of being a Christian and believing in god. With both of my belief systems gone, without feeling there was an objective meaning or truth in life, a North Star that I just believed in and simply had to follow, not decide to believe, I was lost.

After some time of struggling with this, one evening as I walked beside the train tracks at the station near where I was living at the time, I realised that the one thing that had been constant for me was how I felt, and the discomfort of physical sensations like the biting cold in winter. And I realised that even nihilists wear gloves when their hands are cold. And that the things that had gotten me through this dark time were the books and movies and games and music that made me feel even just a little bit better.

It was then that I felt that if there was any objective truth in life it was that feelings and emotions; joy, despair, anger, fear, sadness, hope, anxiety, uncertainty, and physical sensations like pain, sickness, weariness, heat, cold, comfort, pleasure, and exhaustion will affect a person no matter what they believe or what they feel to be true or not.

So I decided that there was a truth in life, at least for myself, and that there was a meaning for how I want to live my life,

"To make people smile or to make their day a little brighter, and to help prevent or reduce the pain and suffering of others"

Even with this ethos though, meaning for me is still about other people. And I know well enough now that I have to care for my own happiness and wellbeing in order to be able to do anything for anyone else.

Where does this leave space for me to be happy and to have energy and life, by doing what I care about, regardless of what others do?

[rebouks]

Did you know you can make sims look in a specific direction whilst they're posed?

Hit shift+tab to enter first person mode

Aim the camera where you want your sim to look (make sure your game isn't paused otherwise the sim won't move - you can press 1 in first person mode to set time running)

Hit pause (by pressing P)

Hit shift+tab again to exit first person mode

Voila! Your sim is now looking in the direction you pointed 'em!

A neat little cheat to get multiple uses from the same pose! 🤸‍♀️

[myballsitchaurghouchie]

Goodnight

[bluegiragi]

holding back (part 2)

early access + nsfw on patreon

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Ghost King Phantom answers a summons to a new dimension to find a sacrificial offering in three magic circles. One, holding Bizarro, another holding Artimus and the one in front holding Red Hood.

Phantom has no idea who these people are, but he knows the people in charge must be powerful mages or whatever. Doesn't matter. None of the mages hes ever had to face had known about his Halfa status so naturally thier wards and protections wouldn't work on him. He captures the kid with a naselly voice and his orange cat in a force field to give to Jazz later. She had been talking about wanting to study the psychology of a supernatural being for a while now so he'd help her out.

He made quick work of the other mages before turning around and facing the "sacrifices" the two in the back were still out cold but the one in front, the one in the red helm was radiating terror and rage. He was shaking even though Phantom hadn't done anything to him and had no intentions to. Danny landed outside the circle, trying to whisper something conforting as he stepped closer.

The moment he stepped into the ring however, the red runes turned into a bright green and the three circles disappeared. Danny didn't feel any different so he assumed it was nothing and he freed the captives before disappearing, none the wiser that Klarion the Witchboy had made a few translation mistakes in the slave contract and accidentally married a terrified Red Hood to Phantom, the High King of the Undead and King of the Lazarus dimension, also known as the Infinite Realms.

Danny probably learns he married that guy at some point but just kinda shrugs it off. Polygamy is legal in the realms and thier marriage doesn't change much. Sure, Danny is practically contractually obligated to save this guy if he's ever in mortal peril but Danny has no problems with that. He'd do it anyway.

So he just ignores the situation hoping it doesn't come up again.

It does.

Repeatedly.

I'm so surprised we don't have more Dead on Main ghost king marriage aus where Jason/the pit inside of him is terrified of Phantom. Let's change that

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 297

“I feel like we should be concerned about Tim.” 

“Honestly we should always be concerned about him, but what made you realize it this time?” 

“Have you seen his search history- wait no you haven’t you haven’t been in the cave all day, look at this-”

“...'Is it legal to adopt the ghost of a kid? Can someone call CPS on a family’s ghost? How to take care of ghosts 101? How do you get a ghost of a child to not be scared? What to do if you find ghost children in your home? What the fuck…?” 

“Exactly, I think he needs an intervention.” 

Or in other words, after getting thrown into another dimension thanks to the GIW destroying most of Amity, a trio of ghost children decide to crash in this seemingly abandoned apartment building. No one seems to live here anyway… Tim Drake on the other hand, gets a notification that there’s someone in his main safehouse that he might’ve slightly forgotten about thanks to having his house-boat now, and sees a trio of starved looking ghost kids

[slothxio]

fuck romeo and juliet, i want what these bitches have

[lambmotifz]

so true ♡

[my-brain-on-hold]

I think that I need to get my energy from somewhere, and because of this I am prone to co-dependency.

When I love and connect with someone, I do it deeply and with excitement and fervour. I get so much from this that a person's company or mutual connection can fuel me with energy. It's like a drug for me, I'm a moth to a lamplight and I don't want to leave it, no matter the times when I should.

But this also cuts me both ways, and when one of these connections falters it hurts me just as deeply and my sense of stability and confidence goes with it. I not only lose the energy gained, but the crushing feeling that I can never truly rely on someone in this way, saps me of any energy I might have at a base level. It occupies my thoughts, and my feelings, and all I think about for how to survive this is how to get the connection back.

It's like I'm just... hollow, and I need to get energy and life from things outside of my hollow self. For others and other things to be my North Star.

Why is it like this for me?

Part of it is neurological conditions I'm sure. And the nature of my upbringing - which I think has hollowed me out in a lot of ways - as well as the general ethos of my overall family to shy away from deeper more personal subjects and focus on the superficial and the comfortable. But to what extent are the majority of people like this?

As far as I know neurotypical people with a well-functioning neural reward system don't need to source their energy from anything in particular, they just... can.

But for those that can't just do what they want to do, not all of them hang their ability to have energy on the turbulent nature of relationships?

Telling these people, to 'just not worry about' the things and people in their lives doesn't really work. Advice to avoid something isn't a plan, as it doesn't provide guidance on what to do while not engaged in the negative thing.

So if, like me, they must get their energy from somewhere, but they are not as susceptible to the movements of others, where then?

I think they might get it from a connection with the only person that they can always rely on: Themself.

You will never be left of cut off from your own person, and if you can get energy from this source, it will always be accessible to you.

but how do you build this connection without losing any others you have to it? Without becoming completely self-centered and cut off from other people, many of them the very sources that you relied on for stability and energy.

Isn't this just being jaded and standoffish at best, and greedy and hedonistic at worst?

Can you have a strong connection to people that you no longer need for your ability to function and live and be happy, or is everything else hollow now because you can get all of that from a the growing connection you are finally building with yourself, the only one who you know won't leave you.

Maybe it is about the source of my energy and life being myself, not to just serve myself and my own desires and pleasure, but for my North Star to be my values and what I believe matters in life.

For myself I identified this some time ago

1/2

[corvidaeconundrum]

I so deeply apologize for this but desperate art block times means ill let my brain draw whatever it wants, so I bring you the unfortunate tumblrification of KinitoPET

[thegrimreaperisanerd]

Harry’s the normal one, that’s the fucking terrifying thing, he wakes up with half a brain that’s arguing with itself - because, much like Icarus, he drug abused too close to the sun (we’ve all been there) - but he has the sense to go “Hmm, something’s off here. Maybe I shouldn’t be tasked with solving this murder.”

Meanwhile Kim’s PTSD-riddled ass pulls a gun on a fridge because it’s shaped like a big bear, and his new bear-boy-best-friend put the idea of wrestling bears into his head. 

THEN he has the gall to be like; “I’m a Normal police officer who solves violent murders and has ZERO hobbies (lie). If you pass judgement on my special racecar radio show time I’m gonna be a bitch about it. Ghosts aren’t real, and PLEASE don’t bring up the physical embodiment of entropy that’s slowly consuming our seas and world because it Frightens me. Now help me solve this murder, I CANNOT do this without you. Please.”