#confused love

[ceromuertos]

Habíamos ido a un hotel sin si quiera besarnos, iban las palabras con soda stereo de fondo, solo eramos dos tontos que buscaban sonreír chocando las miradas.

En ese momento descubrí: que nunca antes había hecho el amor.

[allthingsbeginningwith-a]

My god, I'm so confused. I think I'm falling in love, Heck, I might've been in love for a long time now. I don't know who I like, or who I love. Is this love romantic? Platonic? Queerplatonic? All I know is that I love you so deeply, so very much so very fiercely that I never loved anyone like this before. I want to take all your pain away and cradle your heart in my hands and make you the happiest person on earth.

I get so jealous of other people who can make you laugh so easily, Because I forget that I'm one of them too, or am I? It just seems too good to be true. I would pack my love neatly in a suitcase and travel far, far away if that made you happy, Even if it might end me. I love you so much that it's all I can think about sometimes, And I'm so, so confused.

[midnitetears]

#114

You say I’m always leaving you

Yet you’ve left me long ago

Wondering , confused, broken and alone

I tell you how I’m feeling

I’m sorry for complaining

How everything becomes my fault

The way we are falling apart

I’m screaming staring straight in your eyes

“Help me!”

“Save me!”

You look straight at me standing, watching like I’m a stranger

You hold my hand when we out together and if we don’t you quick to say how it don’t feel right to be by my side and not hold my hand

Yet when together you can’t look me in the eye and tell me how you feel

Or

What’s all going on in your head

You say it’s not safe here

And call out all the wrongs you see here

Yet can’t make the effort to take the step further

To help create a safe place here

Together

You talk about the past and blame it on me ,the reason we here

Yet you don’t see the damages you’ve caused too along the way

It’s always me the one doing wrong

The one who’s gotta make plans from A to B

Yet don’t you see me

Falling apart every night

Wanting your love , your concern

Can’t even have a conversation

That too turns into another issue caused by me

I miss you

I miss us

Though things were messed up I’m the beginning the love was still there and solid

Now it’s falling in between my fingers like water

Trying to hold it but it’s seeping out my hands

You can’t even lead a hand to help me hold onto it

What has happened?

Are we through?

I’m just left confused and worried what’s next for us I’m left to wonder.

Yours Faithfully🌻

[celestialsister0918]

A Window Not Missed, Chapter 5

Bruce x Natasha, Work Rated M

Full chapter now posted on AO3

“Let’s dance, Banner,” she said abruptly, closing any distance between them with a gentle sway. She remained ever so slightly pressed to him, waiting as his hands hovered awkwardly in the air. Finally she gave a little smirk and grabbed them, locking them to her hips before resuming her earlier undulations. But this time they were on him, and he could smell her hypnotic perfume and finally knew how soft those luscious curves of her hips felt in his firm grasp. How the hell was he supposed to live without that feeling now?

Helpless to the bass and the fading light

Oh we were bound to get together

Bound to get together

“The music’s loud!” Bruce shouted near her ear, feeling some absurd need to make conversation. 

“I like it!” Nat returned. “Let it drown everything else out!” She glided away from him but was back against him in a second, this time with her ass pressed to his front. He watched as she lifted his hand and placed it on her stomach, making sure they were locked together before she smiled blissfully, arms in the air, body swaying wildly and beautifully. Her head tilted back to view him in the corner of her eye, head resting back on his chest, and he could tell she was a little tipsy. 

Did she have any idea what she was doing? Did it mean anything to her like it did to him? Or was she just being Black Widow? Bruce could feel the blood rushing humiliatingly southward, and he stiffened his jaw. 

Mind over matter, Bruce. You can control it. You’ve had to control so much more. 

Nat whipped around again, this time shimmying down his body, hand tracing the line of buttons on his shirt. She was kneeling eye level with the source of his embarrassment when she looked back up at him, daringly. It clicked— suddenly— the recognition of that look. It wasn’t just a hazy memory from some monstrous green fog this time; it was an unmistakable desire, clear to someone even as dimwitted as he was when it came to such things. It made him feel ten stories high, even as Banner. 

Deep in her eyes

I think I see the future

I realize this is my last chance

Bruce brought his hands to her flawless cheeks, giving her a smile as he pressed harder, directing her upward. He secured her to him this time with arms wrapped fully around her, trying his best to match her earlier rhythm, though he certainly wasn’t as smooth. He was rewarded with a carefree grin spreading over her face.

“Banner can dance!” Thor announced with a hearty laugh, fist in the air. “Somewhat,” he added with a furrowed brow as Bruce locked his bent knees and began some whiskey-fueled arm movements vaguely reminiscent of Saturday Night Fever.

“Getting too confident there,” Nat warned Bruce with a soft laugh in his ear. “Where did you learn that move?”

“Made it up just for you, Romanoff,” Bruce returned. His fingertips dug into the satin at the point where that gorgeous ass met the top of her thigh. Her eyes were dark in the low light, and the bow of her mouth parted as she reacted to his intimate touch. She squirmed a little against him, and he knew she could feel how much he wanted her. His instinct was to back away, hoping she’d forget or think she imagined it. But then he thought to himself fuck it and only squeezed her closer. What was one song? Three minutes and eighteen seconds of pretending to be a normal guy…

Full Chapter on AO3...

[glitter-stained]

Random goon: Hey boss, were you the one to pick that name as an alias? And why this one?

Red Hood : I used to have another name, before... A long time ago. But that person is dead now. I get to choose for myself now, they can't take that from me. I won't let them.

Goon: Huh.

***

Random Goon: Say boss, why do you never take off your shirt in front of us?

Red Hood: Well uh, I actually have that really fucked scar on my chest and I'm not comfortable with...

Random Goon: Don't worry boss, we get it, you don't have to explain yourself to us.

***

Red Hood, high on some toxin: God, I wish my family...

Random Goon (on boss-sitting duty): why not try reaching out to them?

Red Hood: They would never accept me as I am now... They wouldn't agree with my so-called "life choices". Besides, they don't miss me, they miss the person they think I used to be... I wasn't even a man when I last saw them.

Random Goon: Damn boss, that sucks.

***

And then the goons throw the Red Hood a party on trans visibility day and Jason is so confused he straight up cries.

[kendyroy]

Seeing Logan in the TVA makes me laugh so hard for some reason? Like I know he’s lived to see technology evolve and stuff, but there’s something so funny about a guy from the 1800s standing in some kind of retro-futuristic timey wimey agency to me. Man is confused as hell.

like what da hell is a polar bear doin in arlington texas

[quiet-is-a-coffin]

I don't know what to do with this love …torn between loving you as you were, loving you as you are, and loving who you will be. My love is unconditional and cannot be swayed, and yet something in me breaks to think the you I loved before has died, been hit by the train of life and could not survive the injuries. I will love the future you with all my heart, and I will love the present you with every bit of my soul, but you must be patient, for I must first mourn the loss of the one I loved most.

[nouverx]

*proceeds to drink the whole bottle*

Yeah Alastor you're gonna be loved and appreciated wether you want it or not :)

[secretmellowblog]

People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.

The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.

But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.

The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.

This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.

Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.

So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-

And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—

And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!

If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.

The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.

It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)

I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.

I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.

The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win

[typikalmate]

New to tumblr — planning on writing down/journaling what’s going on in my mind to see if I can organize my thoughts. I hope this will be result in a therapeutic light

[allthingsbeginningwith-a]

When people ask you if you're gay but you're a confused mess and the only thing that you are completely sure of is that you have straight crushes and the rest of it's just blurred rainbow territory:

Queer? Sure. Gay? Nay.

[randomprose]

the "tumblr community invents a whole mafia movie apparently directed by martin scorsese with an official soundtrack, movie posters, screen caps, and all enough to make one question if that movie really did exist at all like a mandela effect" was not part of my 2022 bingo card

[morningsaidthemoon]

+ this problem goes both ways,,

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

why aren't there more mysteries that take place in nursing homes & retirement communities. i want to watch a group of deranged retirees-cum-amateur-detectives combine their powers of:

decades of life experience

boredom-fueled busybody shamelessness

access to the most gossipy next-door-neighbors in existence

"I am too old to be arrested and/or give a shit" attitude

and solve crimes. this should be an enormous subgenre.

[lilislegacy]

random pre-school mom: you are such a good dad, picking your son up from school so often

percy: well, my wife and i switch off depending on our schedules. she’s here the other half of the time

random pre-school mom: that’s so generous of you!

percy, confused: uh, why? i’m his dad

random pre-school mom: it’s just so selfless! oh and your little boy is absolutely adorable. he’s the most precious thing i’ve ever seen!

percy: thanks, he looks a lot like his mom

random pre-school mom: but clearly those eyes come from you

percy: well, yeah. i mean, i am his dad

random pre-school mom, flustered: um, well, are you coming to parents night? i can show you around so you know where to go?

percy: my wife and i will be there, and we’ll figure it out. thanks though

random pre-school mom: *weird fake smiling*

[ruporas]

your love returns in tragedy (ID in alt)