#considering how there's a lot of questioning on what DEFINES femininity and masculinity

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

i read 'the gender of mona lisa' and i feel. both extremely seen and yet incredibly infuriated

[decolonize-the-everything]

I think I saw somewhere that the alternative word for transandrophobia/transmisandry is anti-transmasculinity. It’s a term coined by a Black trans person to describe what you’re describing, if that helps at all? I just saw ur post that you wanna re-define or find a better word and I wanted to tell u that it exists! Was very relieving for me to like, discover it esp as a mixed race trans guy

That still aligns me with a gender and I don't want that, that's part of what I want to address actually.

I feel like I aligned myself with the masc term to begin with because women are pretty clear misogyny affects others, but others aren't allowed to center our experiences within it or define our oppression with it which is fine. Transmascs seemed okay with me using their term so I did.

It's just that in looking all this up, like I said I realized I needed a word that didn't align me with masculinity or femininity. I'm not oppressed for being a man or a woman or trans I'm oppressed for being none of it and insisting on it. There literally isn't a word for that experience, not in English.

I'm two spirit and I feel like I'd be just as uncomfortable if I transitioned as I am now tbh, I'm considering it hesitantly because of that. Perhaps the HRT I need just doesn't exist and I'm not smart enough to imagine what it is, idk.

I'm almost a trans man, but I'm not and not for a lack of dysphoria but because I don't think transitioning would help. I don't feel like a man, I'm not drawn to anything about manhood and likewise with womanhood. They're fun to dress up as sometimes, sure, but neither are my gender and neither are my ideal sex. It feels like I am both and also neither because the way they're understood is all wrong. I relate to both but would never identify as either one. I use nonbinary most often for that reason.

Two spirit means a mix/variety of spirits/energy rather than having just one. In this case the very rough English translation would be something like a mix of gendered traits like feminine and masculine (which can happen in Many ways). We were considered queer enough to target when colonizers started their pillaging; they didn't like us or our diversity, if that helps provide an image of how a two spirit could present and act within a community.

The adage goes cis people don't question their gender so I'm not that. And I would transition if I knew what magic (perhaps even impossible) combo would make me happy.

What is it to not be a woman, or (theoretically) trans but still experience systemic gender based oppression? Not just for rejecting femininity or masculinity, but for being something else?

We were grouped in with queer people for being definitely queer compared to the average cishet, but not all of us are trans and have genders easily categorized or understood through colonial language or structures.

But I also know a lot of two spirit people don't like the word queer and are more hesitant to use it because it doesn't encapsulate our experiences.

I want a word that does.

And I feel like "discrimination based on having a gender/sex outside the colonial binary" is a decent definition for the system I want to describe. I don't think that it erases anyone else's experiences either and is even inclusive of them, but please correct me if I'm wrong.

what do y'all think of that?

I'm thinking I'll have to make another word to label being actually affected by it.

[our-lesboy-experience]

hiii!!! so uh, this is sorta about 'contradicting' (?) identities in general, but i only recently found out about, like, lesboys and gaygirls and all of that, but what is it exactly? like how does it work? or is that weird to ask? i'm trying figuring myself out but a lot of stuff i've seen doesn't exactly... explain it (or explain it well), and while i guess i do get why, it's just kinda hard to understand it myself for my own identity

also, probably a question you get a lot in a hating way, but isn't the definition of lesbian nonman loving nonman? so then how does lesboy work? like is it for people with more complicated gender identites, like fluctuating genders and bigender? just genuinly confused, my apologies...

sorry for not getting to this sooner- been busier lately and didn't have the time to collect everything I needed to respond!

About what it exactly means to be a lesboy or a gaygirl ('turigirl' is the more common term, 'turi' meaning turian, another word for gay attraction to men. so I'll be referring to it as that from now on), there isn't exactly....one right way to call yourself such. it really depends on the person, but I can give you a basic definition and a list of common reasons someone may call themselves such

im gonna put a read more because this ended up being super long so sorry

lesboy is a term for any lesbian who may have a connection to manhood and/or masculinity. turigirl is just the opposite of that, a gay person (mlm/nblm) who may have a connection to womanhood and/or femininity. common reasons I've seen are:

being multigender or genderfluid

being cusper/in between trans and cis gnc (in between trans man and cis gnc woman, in between trans woman and cis gnc man)

being a system who uses lesboy/turigirl as a collective identity or when identities blur together

a person who uses man/boy or woman/girl as a means of masculine or feminine gender expression but not actually identifying as such

being a trans man/ftm or a trans woman/mtf who still identifies as lesbian or gay for personal reasons

those are far from all the reasons, everyone has their own unique experiences, but the gist is these people may have some sort of connection to manhood/womanhood while still having a queer attraction. personally, I'm multigender, genderfluid, and transmasc. lesboy I find is a nice label to express being both my bigender self and being a lesbian, as it forces people to acknowledge both without separating the two. it's cute and makes me feel validated!

as for "nonman attracted to nonmen" definition of lesbian......it has its issues. it's received criticism all around from all sorts of lesbians in the community. this definition is very new - it emerged only in the recent years, and someone on twitter had date searched it and found it didn't even really exist before 2019. and having that as the one and only official definition that every lesbian has to abide by, when lesbian is a centuries old word with so much history behind it, is a bit ignorant. people who are multiple genders or ftm or bi being lesbian is not even remotely new, going back decades upon decades, and it never stopped existing too. It's a bit weird to have a whole new definition that doesn't include all sorts of lesbians that have been here for so long and just tell them they're not welcomed anymore, right?

that's not even close to the only issue there is with it. it's been disliked for centering lack of attraction to men, or defining lesbian in relation to men, rather than who we're actually attracted to. putting nonbinary people in a new binary of either being "men or nonmen," which not all feel comfortable putting themselves into. especially when considering a definition of gay being "nonwomen attracted to nonwomen," man-woman bigender people are simultaneously excluded from being both lesbian or gay. It inherently overlaps with mspec identity ("attraction to nonmen, which is more than one gender" and "any orientation that involves attraction to more than one gender" kinda obviously overlap), despite people insisting that a lesbian can never be mspec. people have found multiple loopholes in it, (which I can elaborate on if someone wants me to, for the sake of trying to make this as short as possible), and lastly, and term "nonman" (and nonwoman) were found to have existed before to describe the degendering of black people in society. this isn't the only source I've seen for this, but sadly I can't exactly find it (or find it without going back to that hellsite called twitter and I'm not doing that to myself)

oh and as the link points out, defining lesbian by these words also ends up excluding a lot of two-spirit people from ever identifying as lesbian, myself included. which is also really racist. I don't know how you're gonna end up excluding a whole cultural gender that's common for indigenous americans to describe themselves with and try to prove it somehow isn't racist, to be honest

and lastly, some surveys/polls have shown that the definition isn't the most widely accepted by lesbians as people make it out to be. there's this simple poll that someone posted asking how lesbians felt about the definition that received 1,529 responses, and 61.1% of voters said they disliked it. comments gave lots of reasons I've stated already. there was another survey put out that received 211 responses that for any lesbian who had a genderqueer or unique relationship with gender, and one of the questions asking opinions on the "nonmen loving nonmen" as a definition. the average among the group was slightly negative (average 2.838), and reported that the group who tended to feel the most positively about it didn't consider themselves to be trans, with the other positive leaning group considered themselves to be somewhat cis. the group that felt the most negatively sometimes considered themselves to be trans. and of the multigender participants, the average opinion was 2.255 (more negative than the overall average). When concluding, the original poster stated, "When divided by gender, the only groups to feel positive about this definition were "not trans" and "somewhat cis" participants. Multigender participants felt especially negative about this definition"

all of this shows that this definition isn't nearly the best for everyone who considers themselves a lesbian. I know it's been a way to include nonbinary people who are lesbian in it's definition, but I think it really misunderstands why nonbinary people are included in lesbianism in the first place, and just assumes that all nonbinary people aren't men and fails to recognize that multigender/genderfluid people are nonbinary too. and it's not like lesbian has to only have on definition- it can definitely have multiple and depend on each person's experience with it. if someone personally defines them being lesbian around being a nonman attracted to nonmen, and takes pride in not being attracted to men, that's totally fine. what becomes a problem is forcing all lesbians to define themselves like this and make it the standard, or else they're "not real lesbians." it is ahistorical and ignorant to require this or else you'll strip them of their lesbian status, and is really at the end of the day, lesbophobic. especially as a requirement that primarily exists in online spaces. im sure the lesbian who is not at all connected to these circles doesn't particularly care about strict requirements or whether someone is a "nonman" or not. in conclusion, it is not the best nor most accepted definition of lesbian, and deciding which lesbians are valid or not based solely on that definition is pretty exclusionary and ends up policing a lot of lesbians, myself included

[whereserpentswalk]

I keep seeing this same thing over and over again where people try to divide up the "good trans people" and the "bad trans people". Useally by trying to claim that the bad group is some combination of over represented or giving the group a bad name. And like, there's always something very racist about what's considered good and bad, specifically conflating trans people with traits the west considers eastern.

"Good" transmascs are defined by having facial hair and body hair, having traditionally masculine body types, have extremely western interests and ways of dressing, etc. And the "bad" transmascs are stereotyped as being too slender and hairless, and for wanting to look like anime boys or Kpop idols, and for being somehow both sexless and perverted, etc. Like, there's a very clear trend here with these truscumy posts.

Same goes for transfems. Where "bad transfems" are seen as being obsessed with looking like anime girls, being too into computers, being flat chested and childlike, and being horny in a submissive way.

There's a very clear trend where every trait members of the queer community consider negative in other queer people match up with negative stereotypes the west has about eastasian people. It's why you hear "you can't transition into an anime boy" coming from people who in the past we would call truscum, when fandoms like Dr. Who or Hazbin Hotel which also have a lot of transmasc fans and twinkish characters get ignored by them. It's why the standards for what they consider passing are always bodies that look white and dress very western. It's why femboys are seen as gross and perverted, while drag queens are seen as wholesome and marketable, they're both crossdressing performers, but one has Anglo-Australian origins while the other has Japanese origins, which is why you'll never see a library with femboy story hour.

Just like how people who enforce the gender binary may be bioessentialists, but will also claim being male or female is something one can fail at, the same goes for white supremacy; whiteness is seen as something white people can fail at. So even if the "bad trans people" in question are white, what they're being scolded for is ultimately that they're failing at whiteness, and because whiteness is tied to gender roles they're failing at masculinity or femininity.

Every trait trans people say makes other trans people "one of the bad ones" is just an orientalist stereotype. This truscumish behavior that's getting more and more popular isn't happening in a void.

[donnieisaprettyboy]

Sorry if this is an inappropriate question but I'm having some self doubts. How did you know for sure that you were trans? I think I might be but I'm very confused if I'm feeling dysmorphia or dysphoria. Feel free to ignore if this is too personal

There’s nothing wrong with asking questions like this! :) gender is super confusing and sometimes it’s nice to have insight from other people

For the longest time I connected the discomfort with my body with trauma I experienced when I was younger. However, even as I worked through therapy and grew to a point that I am not as affected by my trauma, my discomfort remained.

Everytime I thought about people looking at me and seeing a boy, or even just looking at me and having no clue what my gender is, it made me feel kind of excited? I get heart flutter moments when I think about it.

I feel like I should add that most of my dysphoria is social. There are different kinds of dysphoria, and seeing this image is what made me realize that even though I didn’t struggle with my body too much, I had a strong desire to be seen as non-woman by society (not even necessarily as a man, just as something apart from “woman” if that makes sense).

(I cannot find the original artist for this so if anybody knows who it is please lmk)

When my friends started using he/they pronouns for me it felt really good. Even if I dress more feminine, I’m not binding, or if I’m actively trying to look more feminine, my friends still use he/they pronouns and it feels good!

My university has one of the best LGBTQ+ centers in the country, so I had a really good resource to reach out to and talk to people about. Which, for anybody reading this, you don’t have to be a university student to reach out to queer centers at universities! If you need resources, email them! :)

After quite a long time of experimenting with names, pronouns, styles, lots of research, etc. I came to the conclusion of “I’m just going to do me, whatever that is.” I use any pronouns, I dress however, I present differently depending on how I feel day to day :) people may call it genderfluid (which is fine!) but I’m personally sticking to more vague labels for my own comfort :) transmasc and genderqueer are what I use because it doesn’t feel confining!

I know a lot of this is kinda anecdotal, but I think the gist is there wasn’t one thing I noticed about myself that “confirmed” I’m trans. Also, you define what that means for you! There’s people who use they/them pronouns or different pronouns from those associated with their sex and don’t consider themselves trans! And there’s people who use pronouns that are associated with their sex and consider themselves trans! Technically because I use any pronouns, people can use she/her and that’s fine, but I’m still trans. I want top surgery, and I plan on cutting my hair into a more masculine cut, but I’m unsure about HRT. And after all that, I’m still trans!

I think this got kind of ramble-y but I really hope this all makes sense and helps to some capacity. And I encourage you to explore this and experiment! And if you decide “hey I’m actually not trans” that’s okay! Don’t be afraid to experiment and try things out :)

The trans experience is beautifully unique person to person, and your transness can look very different from someone else’s! :)

[meatstroker3000]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

oh boy do i have a lot of words for this ask!!! thank u for sending this to me cus i fucking love rambling on about shit concerning language and man-made concepts and constructs.

at first i didnt know what this was referring to but then realized it was cus i reblogged that post that went "can straight men be attracted to other men? sure im not a cop"

https://meatstroker3000.tumblr.com/post/752617724959670272

(this one^^^^)

i mean i initially reblogged it as mostly a joke but i mean sure ill bite u seem well intentioned and im in a rare discourse mood today

sexuality (and more specifically labels such as gay, lesbian, bi, pan etc) isnt rly...a defined immutable trait for me, at least the way i view it, the concept itself and the identities that come with that concept are more so just labels people use to describe themselves with, to simplify their lived experiences. (example, many gay men use the label gay because their experience has been only attracted to men, or they consider themselves attracted to only men currently, andthey use this term because "gay" is colloquially understood to describe someone with that lived experience! its really just a way of simplifying and streamlining communication... sort of like pr...pronou- no. i shant say it.)

ANYWAY LOL i feel like u were asking more of a "WHY do gay men like other men , like why are they predisposed to be attracted to men" in like.. a biological sense? rather than an "identity" and "labels" way, and what they mean, ur question is more so asking in general why people are sometimes only attracted to one sex/gender despite gender norms and performance being largely cultural and not biological. and yeah, honestly fantastic point to discuss!. obviously its not really about femininity masculinity theyre not biological traits theyre cultural norms, the concept of being a woman and a man are, well, man-made and not genetic or "natural". obviously even scientists n shit dont know fully why some people are predisposed to be attracted to certain genders so im not knowledgable abt the physical aspect of same-sex or opposite-sex attraction nd predispositions for one or the other or both. i mean, to go more freudian here (sorry) it could be argued that it's nurture over nature for that sort of thing, and could be weighed in the same vein as preferring blondes over brunettes, or short ppl vs taller people (this is debatable obviously but u get my point.)

but like.........what the post itself was trying to say wasnt . rly. about why some people are attracted to certain sexes/genders physically, but more so about how labels such as gay are arbitrary and kind of pointless to gatekeep/argue over, and i feel (especially posted during pride month where queer and label discourse is RAMPANT) it was a commentary on how many people in queer spaces view labels as IMMUTABLE UNCHANGABLE CHARACTERISTICS and less so of.....labels to make describing urself easier? lol?

u say that it cant be anything about stated identity because "homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in species with no stated identities" and like. yeah obviously. but again, homosexuality and heterosexuality are just being used to describe (for example) lab rats as being attracted to male versus female rats, in order to streamline communication often in scientific studies. its just a way to describe "they are attracted to males/females" or whatever lol.

u also say people could easily lie about stated identity so it doesn't mean anything, and like. yeah lol! see, you're again viewing labels like "gay" as immutable characteristics rather than plain ol descriptors! obviously someone COULD lie about being gay lmfao! but someone could also lie about liking pasta. just because sexuality labels aren't able to have PHYSICAL PROOF backing their validity doesn't make them obsolete or suddenly all worthless. i mean, the same could be said for any concept/word. the color red isnt PHYSICALLY able to be PROVEN to be called RED, so if everyone called that color blue, they wouldnt really be any more wrong or right, just using a different descriptor to refer to the same thing.

"its not like all other animals without gender are pan" yeah lol i agree with u because again......pan is just a word some people use to simplify and better explain their lived experience and they use it cus they feel it describes them best.

the entire concept of these labels (and. language as a whole lol) relies on a colloquial / unanimous agreement that THIS WORD MEANS THAT. its the only reason why languages exist and function, people agree on what words mean so they can better communicate. and its honestly pretty interesting and cool but more of a philosophical question rather than a scientific one, in the way that there can't really be any actual answers to these questions .

SO,. if someone wants to call themselves a straight guy but is attracted to dudes, that.....is okay with me lol? it is physically possible for someone to call themselves (dare i say "identify as") a straight dude and also be attracted to dudes, like it doesnt contradict nature or the laws of physics cus the only thing that makes it "contradictory" is just a widespread agreement on what it means. if most people would view that guy as actually Not straight, that isnt really any more right or wrong than the guy viewing himself as straight imo. language and identities/labels are also everchanging and it's not uncommon to see words repurposed (i mean, the word gay itself is a great example ironically haha!)

contradictory labels themselves are honestly a non issue (and i believe that is what the og poster was commenting on which is why i reblogged!) cus ......not to go the corny ass tiktok annoying route but...........ALL WORDS ARE MADE UP LAWLLLL!!!!! my rb was more so agreeing with stupid label discourse that is so prevalent(for yeeeears and years) cus its just a non issue and hell im not a cop u kno! if someone is using language in a "wrong way". i dont...rly care lol? (LIKE THE BOOK FRINDLE. LOOK IT UP)

anywaysyss yeahh this is prob a real long and repetitive post but im glad i got something that wasnt just telling me to kms in my inbox and im in a silly mood today fuck it we doing label discourse on meatstroker3000! sorry this was probably totally fukcing rambly and inefficient, but i love discussing shit like this and it made me happy that i got to ramble on about my own little perspective whether or not u consider it correct or not :3 like, its fine if u disagree with me lmfaoaooaoao id be hypocritical if i said ONLY I AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS obviously. just tryna give context to my reblog of the post which inspired dis ask :3 but moral of the story. dont take a guy called meatstroker3000's opinions too seriously ok. i hopefully will never engage in queer discourse again, you just fucking hooked me in with my fucking uneducated passion for pseudophilosophical discussion and instead of english essays i suppose annoying self-important tumblr posts will scratch that itch for me. :3 happy pride!

[miniar]

Is there such a thing as toxic femininity?

WAIT!

Whenever someone talks about toxic masculinity there's always at least one "what about toxic femininity?" in the replies and the long answer is nuanced and complex but the short answer usually is "that is not a thing" and recently I've slowly started thinking that just maybe.. there is.

Let me elaborate.

First, in case you didn't already know, Toxic Masculinity is a term coined by men. It's the name of the answer they came up when they tried to answer the question of "what is going on with men's mental health?"

Yes the question was not exactly that specific, but the short version is that they looked at how boys are raised to be men and how that relates to their willingness if not ability to seek help when they needed it as well as their relationship with themselves, their identity and went "holy shit.. that's actually.. kinda messed up".

It's toxic like a toxic plant. The more of the toxic plant you ingest, internalize, the more it's gonna mess you up.

Now, the thing I wanna focus on is one of the most common ways the messages on "how to man!" are shaped, served to us to consume, ingest, internalize. The shape is in the negative.

Not as in "bad" but as in "not".

Think about it, if you read these two questions back to back: What does a real man do? What does a real man never do? Did you immediately think of an answer to them? Was it easier to think of one for the second question? Was the answer to the first question in the negative? (i.e. he never, he doesn't, not, etc)

If you didn't think of it in the reductive or negative, do you think that's the first thought for most people?

Boys, and men, are constantly told what Not to do, be, feel, think, say, want, like, etc, etc, etc, to be considered real men.

In other words, it's a pattern of expression that doesn't uplift or affirm masculinity, but a pattern of subtraction and rejection. It's a pattern that defines masculinity by the complete absence of anything and everything that can be considered feminine and the list of things that are "feminine" is not only constantly changing but often self contradictory.

NOW....

Compare that to how terfs talk about femininity and womanhood.

For example, when the woman's march changed their logo in 2022, there was an uproar amongst terfs on twitter over the shape of one of the noses in the picture.

On one side is a more upturned nose, in the middle a slightly larger and straighter nose, and on the left is a pretty straight and somewhat larger nose. (Incidentally it looks exactly like my aunt.)

Terfs took to twitter and declared loudly that the simply drawn, solid blue, silhouette, was obviously not a woman because women do not have noses like that.

Now, OBVIOUSLY, when it comes to the "women do not look like that" rhetoric it's very heavily influenced by certain heritages. If we are to call a spade a spade... it's obviously racist. I'm not trying to take away from that at all.

The thing I am getting at with this post is how a lot of the comments and statements from terfs tend to follow that presentation.

"Real women" don't... look like that, sound like that, walk like that, talk like that, think like that, feel like that, have that, do that, etc, etc, etc,... Sometimes presented as "look at what X does, a real woman would never". Sometimes simplified into "not a woman because X".

A lot like how if a man makes a mistake with a car, an object a "real man" obviously has innate knowledge of, he's "not a man".

How terfs talk about women, womanhood, and femininity is so very often in the same negative, same subtractive manner. It seems as though they define femininity by the complete absence of anything and everything that can be considered masculine and the list of things that are "masculine" is not only constantly changing but often self contradictory.

Now I might be off in the weeds with this thought, drawing too broad a comparison, or focusing in too tight on a single point of comparison, and I'm in now way suggesting the two are one to one, obviously. I mean, there isn't the same societal prevalence or some such at play here.

But if there is something that can be called toxic femininity it would be an idea of femininity that relies at least in part on the subtraction of masculinity to a degree that is harmful to internalize and is wielded like a cudgel to deny the womanhood of any woman who doesn't carefully whittle herself down to fit into that narrow box.

IDK...

Thoughts?

[genderqueerdykes]

I hope this is alright to ask. I am a perisex trans person and I want to learn and understand. Would you be willing to talk about your identity as a transfeminine person, and why that label speaks to you? So often I see the term being used synonymously with AMAB, and I want to try and break out of that mindset.

hello! i really appreciate you stopping by to ask, that's awesome!

while a huge portion of transfeminine people are AMAB, there are lots of other transfeminine people of varying agabs & intersex people make up a sizeable portion of the community! I'm glad you are trying to expand your mindset, in general, it's important to consider that intersex can and do identify as any queer identity you can think of, and exist in every queer space, so there are always going to be trans men who are not afab and trans women who are not amab!

the reason why i began identifying with the label transfeminine was because of a breakthrough moment i had while hanging out with several irl transfem friends and while i was listening to them discuss their relationship with womanhood and seeing people who loved being women and generally speaking just exuded feminine and female energies without it feeling stifled or forced, it helped me get past a lot of my deep rooted internalized misogyny and helped me stop hating the parts of myself that are a woman

they helped me realize that i never hated being a woman or a girl- when i was in middle and high school, i loudly and proudly identified as a girl, then woman. i never realized that it wasn't me who hated being a woman, but rather, it was society that hated me for being a woman in my body. before puberty, people were relatively okay with gendering me as a girl, though some didn't bcus of how i acted. however, once i hit puberty, it divided people.

some people would come up to me and say "you're not a real girl, you can't wear makeup," or "you're not a girl, why are you carrying a purse?", things like that. i also got "you're not a real boy, stop dressing like that", "you dyke/butch/bulldyke"'d a lot as well, because people just could not decide on what my gender was, if i even had one.

it took me years to cope with the fact that i was heavily targeted by transmisogyny, however, and to realize that i have been treated like a trans girl my entire life due to my naturally masculine features from living in a high T intersex body. i wasn't rly allowed to cope with the fact that i wasn't allowed to be a girl, because i had started associating myself so heavily with misogynistic men at the time that it made it harder.

i've realized now i do not have a cisgender relationship with womanhood, and i never will. i have always existed in a high T body, once puberty happened, my gender became an anomaly, and a point of distress for others. i have had to fight tooth and nail to be seen as a woman or feminine in a way that is respectful and flattering. i have a feminine deadname and people still give me trouble.

anyway, hope that answers some of your questions! it's very hard for intersex people to easily define our experiences, as we often time experience numerous types of oppression or violence and don't realize that we have internalized a lot of hatred because of other people's prejudices. if you have any more questions, feel free to ask! take care!

[symphopan]

Valentine's Blessing

Chapter 3/5: The Change

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Alex was starting to come out of his coughing fix. The power that Esther had blown in his face had all but disappeared. When he looked at her, she was staring at him with a slight smile.

“What was that for?” He asked.

“I’m giving you your change, like you asked.” She smiled. “Look. I’m not in the mood for this right now, so if you want to humiliate me ju-” He stopped, because he had lifted his hand up and saw that it was much smaller, almost feminine. His nails were much cleaner looking, and whole arm was a lot smoother.

“W-What? Why is my hand so dainty looking?” He stammered.

“Oh, looks like it's already taking effect.” She said, clasping her hand together.

“What’s taking ef… wooh… I feel woozy.” He slurred.

In that moment he felt his whole body shift and change. His other hand began to match his right. Looking back at Esther he noticed that he wasn’t meeting her eye to eye. In fact his eye level was getting lower by the second. He could feel every bit of his body getting petite, even his clothes felt a little loose on him.

He then felt something strange with his hair, it had started to itch. This was because his hair was growing out rapidly. His black hair grew long only stopping halfway down his back, however it was still as messy as before. That itching feeling didn’t stop at the hair on his head as the very little facial hair started to disappear, his face becoming smooth and soft.

“Wow, You’re looking good already.” Esther said gleefully.

“W-what…. happening to… me?” He huffed, still very dizzy from the changes.

“Like I said on the card, I’m giving you the change you need, which is based on something you deeply want.” She explained.

“W-What I… Want?” He heaved.

“Yep. And look, some more is happening, it might give you a clue.”

As she said that, he felt a weird tingle in his chest. Slow but surely he chest filled out, until he had pretty defined breasts. He then realized what she was doing to him, he was turning into a girl. He could feel them as went through cup sizes, it was both strange and exciting.  On reflex, he grabbed them and was immediately hit with an overwhelming sense of pleasure, he almost fell over from how powerful the feeling was. He should be so scared of this, so why wasn’t he.

“Careful there. Don’t hurt yourself now.” Esther said, catching him.

“W-Why did I-I enjoy t-that? W-Why do I e-enjoy all of t-this?” He asked, his face flushed.

“Well my dear. It’s cuz this is what you’ve always wanted, to be a girl.”

“W-WHAT!?” He screamed.

“Think about it for a moment. Haven’t you always felt like this?” She questioned.

He thought about it for a moment, which was a bit hard as the feeling of thighs and ass filling out was also sending pleasure to his brain. He thought about times where he was doing something that would be considered feminine, but most guys do feminine things from time to time.

“So, a lot of guys are pretty feminine. Have you seen Kyle?” He said, his voice much higher than it was earlier.

“True, but what about you looking at all of the women around you? I could tell you weren’t looking cuz you wanted to be with them.” She said

“Yeah, every guy daydreams of being a girl in a relationship with another girl.” He said, confidently.

“No they don’t. You do cuz you want that.” She retorted.

“Huh, oh… Oh… OOOOH!” She realized.

Everything snapped into place. This is what she always wanted, this way she had always been feeling so awkward when around girls. She didn’t just like them, she wanted to be them as well. Wait but how did Esther know this if she didn’t even herself. She could think about that for too long as her thighs and ass had grown pretty big by this point and she felt every bit of it. She could tell that any remnants of her masculinity had already disappeared, not that she minded at this point.

“Wait, then how did you know?” She asked.

“It’s a special skill of mine, I’ll tell you about later. Now, let's get a good look at you now that everything’s finished.” Esther replied. 

Esther stood her up straight and stepped back a bit. She was now several inches shorter than she was before. Everything about her was so much daintier, there was barely any resemblance to who she was.

A lot of clothes had become too big for her but they still managed to stay on her, except her shoes. Her hair had styled itself by curling 2 strands in the front and fluffing up the rest in the back.

“You look SO CUTE! You got a new name in mind, cutie?” Esther exclaimed. 

“Lexi.” She said rather fast, “I wanna be called Lexi, and you really think I’m cute.”

“Super cute, just the right amount of curves too. Now we just have to fix what you're wearing.” Esther said, “I know why don’t we start our date with getting a new wardrobe.”

“D-DATE!?” Lexi stammered.

“Yeah! It is Valentine’s after all and I did say I like you in the note. Unless you don’t want to?”

“NO…uh I mean… I would love to.” Lexi said.

“Cool then let’s get going.” Esther said, taking her by the hand.

“One thing before we do.” Lexi said meekly.

“What’s that?”

She got on the tips of her toes and planted a kiss on her cheek.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t Thank me yet, come on cutie.”

Lexi blushed brightly as she was being pulled along by the girl of her dreams. This day couldn’t get any better.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prev Next This story was requested by the lovely @mistresskabooms. I most of the good wholesome, and PG-13 spice, stuff with come next part. I tried my best to go into deeper detail with the TG, I hope it came out well.

[elbiotipo]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

Honestly? I have no idea. The answer to your questions could take whole books. Indeed they must have.

I actually don't understand what makes sexuality or gender, on its current definitions, work. I doubt we will ever get a single answer. For sure there is an inborn component to it, I have gay friends who have told me they had same-sex crushes from kindergarter. I also don't think one can't discount cultural or enviromental developments. I'm not sure, for example, how strong my own same-sex attraction is, but I know I wouldn't have even considered it if I didn't know about the possibility (many people on my own friend circle don't even understand how something such as bisexuality exists). I don't believe sexuality or gender can be defined in "boxes" or even clear cut identities. I have a lesbian friend who tells me she has lots of men who are 'an exception' to her, I've met people who cross-dress without thinking of themselves as transgender, or a trans man who considers his life as a woman as just another phase and dislikes the "deadname" concept.

From a purely biological evolutionary perspective, I think that sexuality, as in, sex for pleasure, is a bonding activity. It's a parallel of what surged in lion prides or cat colonies "why fight when we can love instead", except humans were descended from social beings, so sexuality was inherent to us. As for gender, despite obvious anatomical differences, humans are rather similar between biological sexes, we really don't have that much differences beyond those found culturally. We are more like wolves than lions in that aspect.

As humans are cultural beings and we take what we find in nature and process it into abstract terms, we have created a large "structure", is that the right word? around gender and sexuality, among different cultures and times. I don't believe there is a single correct way to interpret such things, only that it seems inherent to us, obviously, as biological beings to seek sex for procreation and also for pleasure and social bonding, and from there all the complexity arises.

I don't want to say most humans are "pan/bi" because that makes no sense, but I will say that people seem to be inborn with certain preferences to a biological sex or another, but that those traits are more flexible than we think, and that they can be changed to a certain extent by cultural and enviromental factors.

I'm sure there are authors that have explored these topics better than me.

[thenforgotten]

How do you experience gender, and what sort of pronouns do you use?

(From the ask game about gender)

Im sorry in advance for terrible punctuation and grammar and however incoherent it probably is.

Gender is messy and hard to understand, it's kinda foggy to try and get a definitive idea of, I've long since given up trying to put a specific label that will define it properly, I tried and mental health said no. I find that transmasc is the best term I can give it but there's a constant state of doubt and questioning that I can't full get through, I know that I like being referred to with masculine terms and presenting (or attempting to) in a way that is read as masculine and i dislike feminine terms being used to refer to me, sometimes there's a feeling I can't quite understand but sometimes makes it out the fog of feeling particularly masculine or feminine, I find when this occurs the masculine feeling is always positive and the feminine feeling feels off, like not nessisarily bad but there's something that doesn't quite feel right, I don't think there's any cause to this feeling no way in the way I may be presenting at the time that influences it. Sometimes specific things make me feel more masculine, these don't nessisarily line up with social expectations of masculine but my brains decided this thing makes me feel masc and it's good, though I don't think these feelings are really gender they are just random feelings that dont quite make sense (like the autocorrect on my phone which really did not like that sentence) but somehow get through the fog. I don't really know how gender is experienced per say I don't think I could put any feelings or words to it other than confusing and slightly annoying but I think it's more what feels comfortable (or at least that's how I've been approaching it since trying to put a definitive label to it doesn't work for me) like masculine terms and presentation (and neutral mixed in) feels comfortable, feminine doesn't (for the most part, there's a lot of feminine stuff that I enjoy and stuff that I wish I could but like the way a guy is feminine).

The pronouns I use are He/they (with a slight preference to He).

I currently use these but I sometimes consider just using he/him (because I feel like they gets primarily used and while I like it I'd also quite like he to be used alot more than it is) I've also considered using neos as well as he/they (or maybe substituting they idk) but haven't really gone out my way to test them.

Well that was alot longer than I intended likea most things I'm terrible at being consise, but idk if that's any use what so ever I think it turned into a bit of an incoherent rant of thoughts that have been floating round for ages but haven't had anywhere to go so sorry about that.

[otter1962crystalball]

If only you knew…

The title jumped out of a discussion with a friend recently. The idea is that if a person were to know me, would they like me or ditch me? So before I start, I acknowledge that what other people think of me is none of my business. Rather, I’d like to put out all the things I’ve always been worried about sharing for fear of losing someone. 

A lot of people know me as the guy who weighs 200+ pounds, lifts weights and exercises a lot. They also know that I am an author who is soon to publish a novel. Some people know that I live alone in Otter Cottage in Nova Scotia and have been single for 4 years now. It is also common knowledge that I am a French Immersion teacher. There are a lot of things that people don’t necessarily know about me…So here goes.

If only you knew that I have difficulty looking at myself in the mirror. I am currently afraid of losing my weight-lifting ability. I wrote a blog entry in this blog about it. I have weight-lifted most of my life and keeping my body in shape has been a major part of my life. Granted, I did it for validation when I was younger - usually through hookups or seeking out boyfriends or partners. For many years now, I have used weights as a personal self-esteem builder. That leads to the next statement.

If only you knew that I used to solely depend on my ability to look good. I needed external validation to feel good about myself. Sure, when I was young, I used my looks to be noticed. I never did it in vain, just hoping that guys would find me attractive and want to sleep with me.

If only you knew that I have a secret desire to be an artist with a paintbrush or a pen. I’ve always envied those who could draw and design works of art. I always felt that I was creative with writing or perhaps the occasional photograph that looks nice, but I sometimes feel that I lack real talent.

If only you knew how many times I’ve had to get up after being knocked down by life circumstances. In some of them, I played a role, but others are just blind circumstances. Sometimes I send a thought out to the universe and ask why? Did I somehow unconsciously wish these things on myself?

If only you knew that all the things that I did in my life of which I am not proud, sometimes come back to me in a tsunami of guilt that makes me question if I am a good person or not.

If only you knew that underneath my exterior is a highly sensitive person that often feels the emotions of others around me. When people say hurtful things or say something unwittingly that may hurt, I find it takes a toll on me. It has caused me to build up a wall in the past. I’ve been trying to pull it down for the past four years…

If only you knew how the plight of animals in this world hurts me deeply. I am especially horrified when I see or hear of pets being abused. It pains me to my core. I am aware of animals when I eat meat. I’ve tried to cut it down to a minimum. I wish, as a weight-lifter, that I could find other ways to get all the protein that I need from plants.

If only you knew how I fear the end of my life - that I may never get to do all the things that I wanted to do and to contribute to the world. It is especially something that as an HIV+ person, I’ve worried about because I spent so many years just surviving instead of living.

If only you knew that I love things that those who consider themselves as masculine might define as feminine. I love to birdwatch. I love flower gardens and I enjoy experimenting in the kitchen.

If you only knew that I have let a lot of people walk all over me. No more accusing me of cheating in D and D. No more trying to charm me so that you can waltz in and try to change me for your liking. No more narcissists need to apply! 

I am me. I accept me. If you don’t, get lost!

[gigakoops]

Our Plurality and Gender

🎵 Something we've been wanting to write about for a while has been how we all have different gender identities, and ways that then reflect on how we see ourselves in general. For example, I see myself as feminine, and enjoy presenting myself as such. No, I'm not hyper-feminine, and some of the stuff I enjoy isn't viewed as generically "feminine" (I like horror and death metal, and am in a noise band), yet still enjoy presenting myself as a woman regardless. I consider womanhood important to me, and ever since coming to terms with being trans, and being given the opportunity to define and be myself, I've come to realize that this was who I always was.

However, being part of a system, especially one where every member sees themselves as people with different views of themselves, means that not everyone has that same view of themselves as I do of myself. So we wanted to take some time to write a tiny bit about ourselves, and what our gender identities mean to all of us, as well as the collective.

📖 As long as I've been in the system I've viewed myself as a girl. There was a time where we weren't aware of just how we worked, so we thought that we were 🎵's imaginary friends. And in an odd way, that helped me recognize immediately who I was. After all, we didn't need to tie our self-images to the body we shared (and for the record still don't), and we were free to see ourselves as, well, ourselves, as soon as we got here.

I see myself as just a bit more feminine, I guess, and have always sort of clung onto the self-image of being a woman. There wasn't really any moments where I felt at odds with my gender, as it wasn't something that I worried about. I just… am feminine, there's no doubt about it. I'm glad that 🎵 has had the chance to see that in herself as well, and that as we've found ourselves, we've learned how similar, as well as how individual, our presentations are.

For example, I wouldn't call myself "hyper-feminine," or 🎵 "butch," though our presentations do sort of contrast a tiny bit in that way. In an example, if we were to choose outfits, she'd likely choose a t-shirt and some comfy pants, whereas lately I've been wanting to wear skirts and even try dresses and such.

Though we're not all that different in terms of gender identity. We both see ourselves as women, and at the end of the day, these are mostly aesthetic differences, our gender identities line up a lot more than they contrast.

🐺 I only recently-ish found out that I'm genderqueer. As a kid I didn't think at all about my gender. I always assumed I as a guy, and just rolled with it. It wasn't until syscovery that I started questioning this notion. While I enjoyed plenty of aspects of being a guy, there were also aspects of being a woman that appealed to me too. While we were discovering other folks in our system, I started talking to one of 🎵's OCs (who also happen to reside here) named Autumn, who presents as genderqueer. They told me that for them they sort of just see it as being all genders, and also none, all at the same time; instead of just subscribing to one gender identity, they just go ahead and employ all of them whenever they want. And that resonated with, and I decided that's what feels best for me as well!

I like showing off how tough I can be at times, and in general find that portion of my self-portrayal as simultaneously masculine, and butch-feminine. I also enjoy changing things up and just allowing myself to be a sweet, cuddly wolfy who just wants to be seen as cute. And I view that as both feminine and fem-boyish at the same time. And I also enjoy presenting myself in ways where gender isn't even a factor, in a way where you wouldn't be able to tell what my gender identity is, because in the end I like being simultaneously all the genders, and also some other thing.

It's especially been liberating letting folks swap around pronouns for me. Like Autumn, I've decided any pronouns work, and it's especially been fun seeing people try different neopronouns for me as well. I think for obvious reasons I also like wolf/wolfself pronouns, though he, she, and they also work just fine :P

🍪 I see myself as a femboy. What that means, is that while I love seeing myself as a man, I don't mind that my presentation is a bit more feminine. What's even weirder, is that in our inner-world I'm actually transmasc.

At times this has caused some mild tension with myself, as I've tried to marry the realities of feeling transmasc and femboyish, while also living with a body that's different than my inner-world body. However, as we've gotten along these past few years, I've decided that I should just be allowed to present myself however I want. There's no rules saying that I can't still feel the way that I do, and it's good and healthy for me to just embrace the seemingly-contradictory nature of my gender identity. Like, yeah, I like being pretty and might even like being in femme clothes every once in a while. The entire time, though, I am 100% a guy, and take pride in this. And whether my inner body is different or not, that doesn't change the rush of euphoria I get whenever I do end up in front, being able to present myself a little bit closer to how I want (even if at least as of now it's still hard for me to break out of my shell, so to speak).

🍎 I guess it's a little harder for me to group myself into the gender binary than a lot of other folks. I don't really see myself as either "man" or "woman," and ended up sort of just identifying as some secret third thing :P

In all seriousness, though, while I wouldn't call myself "genderless," I would definitely say I see myself as outside of the gender binary entirely. You'll likely hear this from a lot of nonbinary folks, including other enbies in our system, but we're just sort of… ourselves. I don't really think a lot about presentation, I tend to just exist as someone who falls outside of all of that. And that's all I can really think of to say on that.

🎵 There are plenty of other folks in our system, and not everyone's able to write about this, understandably. In fact, this post is plenty long already. I just wanted to mention that we do also have some folks who see themselves as purely masculine, others who view themselves as feminine, and still others who present themselves as pretty much anything they want.

The main thing I guess we wanted to write about with all of this, is that even if we share the same body and mind, we can see ourselves as radically different in terms of gender. Hell, it doesn't stop there, we all see ourselves as entirely different people. But we also share this life together, and I think that's amazing. I'm glad to have my headmates with me, I wouldn't have it any other way.

[gribouillealltypes]

i've just come to a thought, about gender, and somehow, wigs (???)

🌸 (skip to part "🍄" for the real thought)

for context about myself, i struggle to identify gender as a big thing, like for me it has the same weight as eye color or haircut when i describe a person (so to me sexism and gender discrimination as well as the whole society dividing our population between "males" and "females" is nonsense)

instead, when i see someone, i encompass their main characteristics and link that to a face and when i can, a name. [Assumed] gender is often one of the characteristics that i remember the best, along with haircut and -color and height (i have no idea why) + a unique physical or vocal thing that stands out. But gender is at no point the main thing, I rather see the whole person (or what i know and remember about them), often including gender.

🌼 (it was a long contextualization sorry)

so when it came to questioning my own gender, i struggled a lot and had a few theories, things i explored to know what i was the most comfortable with (i still don't have a clear answer btw)

one of the "theories" was gender fluidity, back when i was in highschool. The way i was thinking of it was : sometimes i feel more "masculine" and prefer to be perceived as someone with "masculine" characteristics, sometimes more "feminine" // ; but sometimes i felt like i was disgusted of being perceived as a woman, or as a man, (tbh most of the time i just hate to be perceived but that's not the point), so i tended towards a more neutral look, but, it was not only about gender. Those "masculine", "feminine" and "neutral" characteristics that i was looking for, actually had nothing to do with gender, because as i recall, i don't see gender. I was just biased by society stereotypes that we've been taught since birth. What was actually happening, is that those types of clothes + this mood i woke up with + these events in my day + these people or group of people i will meet was making me feel like "this is how i want to be perceived and/or this is how i would like to feel like today". It could be as "someone confident", "someone classy", "comfy in winter type", "dark sleep-deprived grrl", "rain and lost wave mood", "fit-in and not standing out type" etc.

so gender fluid I was not (maybe you consider I am but I don't think of myself like that)

🍄

so here's the actual thought about the wig and gender

when i was swinging through genders and "types of person i felt like at this exact moment" it felt like you have a wig (it works with many things other than wigs oc) over your natural hair, and it works like makeup, sometimes you put it on for you, sometimes for others, sometimes for both

and one day you feel like wearing long hair, but the other day shorter hair, or colored hair, depending on your own parameters of how you feel like and external parameters like what type of people you are going to meet. But also sometimes you don't want to put a wig on, and you just let your "natural" hair be as it is, and you don't care what the others think your hair looks like, they can think they are long or short, it's actually up to them depending of their criterias and it won't define you

it's accessory

and i feel like that about gender, if that makes sense

some like their hair or non-hair how it is, some like to style it a bit, some will change every week or a few times a decade, others will radically change one time and be happy with their last cut but in no way this alters who they are fundamentally

and gender doesn't define you, except if you want it to be for some reason, like if it's a way to resist or convey a message, but otherwise let anyone be who they want or feel like to be, it doesn't have to weigh so much in society (i'll stop here because i think people who got here already know the point i'm making)

[taylastudio2022]

SOME THOUGHTS:

Our tutorial last Friday sparked some thinking about what is happening within the work - or what the work is doing. Asking some questions about if the work is critiquing femininity? is it feminist? how? tension and agency? Shannon and I had a conversation about this and I think a lot of these points got ironed out in my statement - but also thought it wouldn’t hurt to reiterate some of the ideas....

Feminism is crucially concerned with the ways in which women’s bodies are controlled within a patriarchal system… 

- Carson, Fiona. Feminism and the Body. Routledge, 2004.

The agency within the work stems from the anti-form research and nature of the work - the materiality that hangs and falls at it’s own will, this also brings forward ideas of control and autonomy - in regard physically to the work, but also to ideas and expectations of femininity and feminist narratives. The work is in control. It has autonomy over itself and all its objects and material. Its “body”. 

This idea of the work being alive and suggesting a body - also creates a certain tension within the work, which is also present physically. This aliveness and personality, being unapologetic, chaotic, loud, messy, liberates itself from “traditional western” notions, or “patriarchal expectations” of femininity,     ( ie: submissive, quiet, small, tidy, beautiful, gentle etc...that come from all types of societal constructs and media ) and precedents attached to textile and ‘women’s work’. This work is a reimagined manifestation of feminine energy, hoping to be seperate and free from everything else. 

The use of these textile practices, are intending to re-define and bring value to an often over-looked and marginalised practice, such as knitting, that hasn’t historically been considered a “respectable” art practice, or been looked down on due to its “feminine” links - or from the fact that it is widely women dominated. Critiquing a hierarchy that has been put in place = masculine > feminine - “art” > craft. 

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Idk why but seeing Sebek so high on your tier list made me inexplicably happy. He kind of annoyed me when I first started playing, but that was before I read his personal stories. Man I was a fool because he’s now one of my favorites (I’m a first year squad stan and he’s one of my faves of the group). Like he’s so serious as a person but a lot of his moments are actually pretty funny. Anyway this has been Appreciate Sebek Hours and I shall raise a carton of coffee milk to him

[Referencing this post!]

Like coffee, Sebek is kind of a strong and acquired taste.

I totally get why a lot of people are initially turned off by him when he’s so brazen, loud, and obsessive. I know that I personally started TWST not expecting a lot out of Sebek; I couldn’t really take his pastel green Phoenix Wright design that seriously, and I didn’t like his personality since a lot of the early promotional materials marketed Sebek as being defined predominantly by his devotion and worship of Malleus. I’m relieved to see Sebek having character outside of his reverence for his dorm leader and prince.

I feel that since Sebek takes himself so seriously despite basically being a dumb and childish kid himself, it plays off well with other characters that clearly don’t have the same intense viewpoints as he does. That contrast creates a lot of ridiculous and comedic moments like the time Sebek cried because a cookie Malleus gave him got crushed, or the time Sebek threw a tantrum because he didn’t end up on the same team as his lord. He tries so hard to be cool and mature, but it just comes off as either really smug/condescending (ie shouting about how no one can be as majestic as Silver) or weirdly pathetic (ie stumbling over his words when Malleus tells him to be off to his next class instead of standing around and shouting at Ace and Grim) 😹 Sebek really embodies the cringey way real teenagers act sometimes... too much in a rush to grow up and prove himself to those he looks up to, not realizing how his words and actions can come off to others as hurtful or as just plain silly.

I think Sebek’s biggest deterrent is probably his... discrimination against humans (or basically anyone that isn’t fae). I can see why that would make people uncomfortable when they consider his character. Racism is just plain wrong, end of story. However, I believe that Sebek is purposefully written as such so the main story can correct his behavior and show him the error of his ways (similar to how chapter 5 has Vil teaching Epel that his traditional views on masculinity and femininity are outdated).

Actually! What I find really interesting about Sebek is that his situation seems to be poised to address an issue that isn’t often mentioned in popular media, and I think it’s important to discuss it. Soooo, without further ado--

***Content warning: discussion of racism (more specifically, internalized racism) and mentions of war below the cut.*** ***Please note that I am in NO way condoning racism or war; I am speaking on these topics in an analytical manner. My only intentions in writing this post are to theorize and to educate. I am NOT defending Sebek or his actions, but rather critically commenting on how his circumstances may have played into his current characterization.***

We learn that Sebek is half human and half fae from Silver in chapter 5. While Sebek is busy chiding others and (once again) referring to them as “humans” (derogatory), Silver points out that Sebek himself is half human. Then, through Sebek’s Birthday Boy vignettes, we indeed learn that his mother is a nocturnal fairy while his father is a human.

So if Sebek is half human, then it begs the following questions: why does he seem to hate humans so much? Why does he never make mention of his own heritage, and instead chooses to exclusively extol fae?

Two words: internalized racism.

“Hold on!” I hear you saying. “What is internalized racism, and how does it differ from the regular definition of racism?”

Well, according to the Oxford dictionary, racism is “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized”. Internalized racism is when those minorities or marginalized groups turn the oppression inward, which results in hating their own group. In Sebek’s case, this hatred is directed at humans--the side of himself that he seems to resent and be ashamed of.

It’s completely believable that Sebek would end up the way that he is. From what little we know of the Briar Valley and of fae in Twisted Wonderland, we can make many inferences and come to this conclusion. The population of Sebek’s home country is said to be predominantly fae, and they often use magic rather than technology to complete everyday tasks. (For example, if they want to go somewhere, the preferred “mode of transportation” is flight instead of cars.) The Briar Valley appears to be a very traditional, old-fashioned nation that is set in its ways.

Furthermore, it seems that most fae, as diverse as they are, seem to be exclusionary to other races (though we learn in Fairy Gala and FG: What If that, even among fae, there can be conflicts and discrimination; for example, nocturnal and diurnal fae do not get along). We somewhat observe this in Malleus, as he casually talks about the feats he is able to perform, whether magical or physical. At the same time, the tone he takes when addressing his classmates, even fellow third years and peers, is somewhat haughty (referring to humans as “child”/”children” of man as if to imply they are juvenile and inexperienced, outright saying that everyone is “like a baby” compared to him, and brushing off their magic as though it is nothing to him). These can be perceived as microaggressions, or “commonplace daily verbal, behavioral or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes towards others of a particular group”. The fairies we see in Fairy Gala and even Vargas CAMP! also reflect this, as they chase out humans from their event and/or territory. In Fairy Gala in particular, it’s implied that the fairies will reject or be hostile towards those not perceived as fairies at their gatherings, which is why the boys have to cover themselves with Fairy Dust to “blend in” and pass as fairies. It wouldn’t be too strange to assume that similar exclusion occurs in the Briar Valley, especially considering that fae are the majority and humans are the minority.

I want to take a brief moment to note that the behavior discussed in the previous paragraph is exclusive to fae. Beastmen and merpeople, two other races, engage with humans in a far less antagonistic ways.

We do sometimes see beastmen talk down to humans, typically on account of believing that humans are weak, but the beastmen we’ve observed so far have never attacked others simply due to not being of the same race as them. It seems that beastmen discriminate based mostly on whether or not they believe another person can hold themselves in a fight--it’s a very “survival of the fittest” viewpoint. Interestingly, Ruggie is said to be lacking in physical strength, but commands respect due to his reputation of being Leona’s (someone who is significantly stronger, and considered the “leader of the pack) right hand man. I wonder if hyenas (who appear to be on the lower social rungs of the Sunset Savanna) are also seen as somehow “weaker” than other beastmen, which may explain their place in the hierarchy (as the beastment we’ve seen so far seem to value physical strength).

Meanwhile, merpeople have arguably been the most amicable with humans and by far the most open to the idea of integrating with human society (though it hasn’t always been this way). This goes back to their history, which tells the tale of a curious Mermaid Princess that made a deal with the Sea Witch to obtain legs and explore the world above. That same Mermaid Princess would go on to establish a program for young merfolk to come to the surface to study and learn about land culture. There’s even a special bureau that hands out free potions that give merpeople human forms (1 potion lasts anywhere from 7 to 10 days), so long as those merpeople wish to migrate and/or establish careers in the world above. However, I do want to point out that merfolk DO seem to discriminate within themselves based on traits such as how fast they can swim (as Azul cites being bullied because he had bulky limbs which made him a slow swimmer). Again, this is a very “survival of the fittest” mindset, which I believe makes sense for both merfolk and beastmen, who are “wild animal” based races subject to the whims of Mother Nature.

It is only fae that appear to discriminate against non-fae (specifically humans) so intensely, and on a basis that extends beyond the “survival of the fittest” belief. They live in their own closed-off circles and believe that their own kind are “better than” those outside of those circles. Living longer, fae have more wisdom. Using magic all the time, fae have more skill. No human could hope to compare.

This part is pure speculation, but there have been mentions of a human-fae war in Twisted Wonderland’s history, and I wonder if the Briar Valley played a significant role in that (seeing as Lilia is described to be a decorated war veteran). If so, this may also be more evidence toward the internalized racism Sebek has developed. Regardless of who won or lost this war, if the Briar Valley took part in it, then its fae residents would definitely hold prejudice toward humans, who were on the opposing side. There might have been intense fear that developed concerning humans who have lived in the valley for generations, simply due to being of the same race as the enemies the fae were fighting. Such paranoia could very well have led into racist legal measures being implemented against humans, or fae turning on their human neighbors and reporting them under suspicion of being spies or traitors. This can go right down to what is taught to children in school: view the enemy and those similar to the enemy as outsiders, even hate them, while building up your own country and your countrymen as shining beacons. As horrible and as scary as all of this is, these are all real things that have happened and are happening during wars in real life--and children, being as pliable as they are, can easily buy into wartime propaganda.

UPDATE: Some of the things I said in the previous paragraph were confirmed in book 7. Briar Valley did, in fact, participate in the war, and they even lost their crown princess (Malleus's mother) in the conflict. The human invaders also ravaged the Land of Briar for its natural resources against the fae’s wishes. Due to how the continent is divided up in modern day Twisted Wonderland, it does appear that they were the losers in the war and had to give up their land to the human nations (though this part is just speculation; more on this theory here). I can easily see why the fae in Briar Valley might harbor and perpetuate disdain toward any non-fae, and humans in particular.

When Sebek tells us about his parents, he mentions that “there were many among [my mother’s] peers who opposed her marriage to a human”. In other words, there was a distinct social push against the union of people from two different races (which isn’t that hard to believe, especially seeing how “old-fashioned” the Briar Valley is implied to be and how fae appear to discriminate against other races in general). As offspring resulting from that union, Sebek may have faced considerable hardships in his childhood. He’s not like the other children (most of which, I’d presume, are either fully fae or fully human), he’s an anomaly. I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that Sebek might have been ostracized because of who his parents were. (In book 7, he is discriminated against by his own grandfather who calls him a “human” and derides him for lacking the Zigvolt family’s signature scales.) On top of that, he grew up in a society that seems to heavily favor fae and those capable of using magic--traits that don’t apply to his father.

Another detail which may have contributed to Sebek being looked at differently by his peers is that he was a late bloomer with his magic. It’s probable that others looked down on Sebek because he manifested his magical abilities late in life. Imagine years and years of being surrounded by peers that are just more skilled and talented than you, and they often treat you differently because of that. Whether it’s overt bullying (fighting, name calling, taunting) or subtle snubs (ie excluding him or giving strange looks), they would all hurt and deeply wound a growing child like Sebek who is still trying to make sense of the world and his place in it. Let’s also remember that he has an older brother and an older sister that he could easily compare himself to, and a (retired royal guard) grandfather with a great legacy to live up to. (Side note on Sebek’s grandpa: he is described to be very old-fashioned and discriminatory himself, so it’s possible his ideals rubbed off on Sebek, especially seeing as Sebek says he spent a lot of time in his youth at his grandfather’s.)

Of course Sebek would develop great shame for the half that is looked down on by seemingly everyone outside of his immediate family. Of course he would embrace the “superior” side of his heritage, the culture and air of righteousness that pervades his country. Of course he would shun his “inferior” side, going so far as to make no mention of it to others (note that it was Silver, who is fully comfortable being a full-blooded human raised by a fae, who outed Sebek’s half bloodedness, rather than Sebek himself). Of course he would worship Malleus, the epitome of the power and might that fae can wield. He’s seeking validation in his very VERY confused identity, which is a struggle that many teenagers in real life have to deal with.

I propose that this is how Sebek has learned to cope with the struggles of growing up half human, half fae: by rejecting his humanity and aggressively embracing being fae. All his boisterousness and the acting out he gets up to is him denying a part of himself. He’s projecting it to the world to see and hear--because if he says it enough times, and says it loudly enough, then surely he can convince himself that he isn’t somehow “less than” his fellow countrymen, right? (Or so that’s probably what Sebek tells himself.) It might not be the best way to cope, but it was, perhaps, the only way Sebek knew how to cope. When most of your country looks at you like you’re the strange one, how is a child supposed to fight back? He can’t--so with little to no other options, his psyche turned that hatred inward as a defense mechanism to protect himself and his ego.

This internalized racism helps explain why Sebek’s relationship with his dad seem so... strange (well, at least from the kid’s end). Sebek’s grandfather (from his mother’s side) is a retired soldier and war hero serving under General Lilia. His mother is also said to be highly proficient with magic since a very young age, and boasts strong principles and unbending conviction. Sebek is very proud of these parts of his family while expressing confusion at and criticism of his father, who is, by comparison, unremarkable. He notes that his father buys him sweets and snacks unprovoked, and showers the kids with attention and praise. It’s strange; Sebek constantly shouts about humans and how weak and insignificant they are at school, then in the same breath Sebek can communicate that he doesn’t “understand” his father, but he never directly insults him.

I don’t believe that Sebek hates his dad, but that his odd behavior toward him is a result of cognitive dissonance. Sebek (theoretically) resents his human blood because of how it is looked down on in the Briar Valley, but he cannot find it within himself to resent his father for it. How can he, when his dad has been nothing but doting and supportive to his entire family? Yet Sebek’s pride won’t allow him to outright acknowledge his love for his father, won’t let him show weakness or bend a knee to a “mere” human.

There’s also another angle to Sebek’s cognitive dissonance. How can his father—magicless and utterly unremarkable—be so carefree and content when Sebek has been told his entire life that magicless creatures are second class citizens? How can his father be so genuinely supportive of his children, who are capable of magic without becoming jealous? How can his father be so comfortable with himself, despite not being fae, despite not being able to use magic? By all accounts, the way his father lives and is satisfied with what he already has flies in the face of everything Sebek has been taught by the Briar Valley, and this totally baffles him.

In Sebek’s Union Birthday vignettes, we see just how much he really cares for his dad. When asked who he would pick to be with him on a deserted island (and it can’t be anyone from his own dorm), Sebek replies with Trey. Why Trey, even though he doesn’t seem to have any skills for surviving in the wilderness? Because (as Sebek himself states), Trey reminds him of his father. “No matter what I say to him, he would always talk to me without being fazed whatsoever.” Jack, Sebek’s interviewer, points out that his dad must have a big heart, and that he must be someone Sebek can rely on. To this, Sebek reacts with embarrassment and insists that he does NOT rely on his father, then rushes to move on to the next question.

It’s probably very strange to Sebek that his dad loves him so much, as it is likely a strong contrast to how those outside of his immediate family perceive and treat him. Society has taught Sebek that humans are inferior to fae, and yet here is a human that doesn’t care what he or Sebek is or isn’t. He just loves his family, and loves Sebek, regardless of what everyone else says or thinks of them. Sebek doesn’t know how to react to that, and it’s so off-putting. His dad gives him such pure and unconditional love, and I think that Sebek recognizes that, but he feels too ashamed to express his gratitude and reciprocate that unyielding love (which, I suspect, is due in part to all that internalized racism). It only contributes to his ongoing identity crisis--a crisis that, mind you, has him dividing people in "fae" and "humans" rather than "fae", "humans", "merpeople", and "beastmen. Why? Because Sebek is fixating on the two sides of himself, his "fae"-ness and his humanity... and lost in that conflict is himself and the connections he could have made with others. If you think about it that way, Sebek is not only hurting those around him, but he’s also (unintentionally) sabotaging himself and his relationships. It’s proof that racism is terrible for everyone involved, even the people perpetuating it.

Sebek never feels like he’s enough. He’s always rushing to get somewhere, rushing to prove himself in the eyes of others. He’s the last in the Diasomnia group to go to NRC, he feels the need to compete with and outperform Silver, his magic came to him late… and to top it all off, he’s questioning who he is: fae or human, both or neither? Now he’s overcorrecting, overcompensating, in an effort to be seen as someone worth having around. This is why he loudly declares his fae heritage and shuts down humans. This is why he is so desperate for praise. This is explains SO much about him.

So why did I spend several paragraphs detailing Sebek’s internalized racism to you? Because, as I’ve said earlier in this post, this is something that happens in the real world and it is not discussed enough in a lot of the media we consume.

I feel like Sebek’s dilemma can be very relatable, particularly to those struggling with an identity crisis of their own, be it those of mixed race, those hailing from unconventional family structures, or anything else which may make them “different”. Of course, this is NOT a blanket statement. Everyone does not go through the same struggles, and every person’s experiences are unique. I am only presenting my own speculation on how Sebek’s situation relates to the real world.

I know that I’ve personally gone through an identity struggle that looks a lot like how I theorized Sebek’s to be, so his character really hits close to home 💦 Without getting into too many specifics, I’m considered a minority in my country, and I’ve received a lot of ridicule because of it. I cannot count the number of times I’ve seriously been told that my native language sounds “weird”, been made fun of for my appearance (particularly my eye shape), stereotyped as smart just because of my race, or called insensitive nicknames. It got to the point where I started to resent my heritage (refusing to eat our foods, refusing to speak our language, refusing to learn about our history), which I saw as alienating me from my peers--but it seemed that no matter what I did, neither culture that I was a part of fully accepted me. The people I was trying to fit in with never considered me part of their group, and my extended family thought I was “different” from them since I was not born and raised in our home country. I was disconnected from my peers and my relatives. It felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I can really understand what Sebek is probably going through, because I’ve lived it myself.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I look back at that period of my life and realize how toxic it really was. I’m reconnecting with my roots and coming to embrace and love the culture I grew up in, and the culture of the family that I was born into--both sides. But here’s the thing: people don’t always identify internalized racism and recognize it as something that is harmful (both to themselves and to the people around them). That’s why I’m hopeful for Sebek, what chapter 7 can do for him, and the important message it can send to the fandom.

ANOTHER UPDATE: 100 parts (and counting) deep into book 7 and yes, I can confirm now that Sebek's internalized racism is being confronted and he's being forced to reconcile with those difficult feelings. I may make a follow-up post on this topic.

It’s so, so easy to dismiss Sebek as a hypocrite (which, don’t get me wrong, he definitely is), but there is likely so much more nuance to it than just “he hates on humans even though he is half human himself” or just “he’s a racist and that’s all there is to him”.

Obviously, racism is wrong and should be condemned, but I don’t believe simply depicting a character as racist is necessarily promoting racism. As long as media is not outright glorifying it, racism can be used as a literary device to deliver an important message (which is, more often than not, an anti-racism one) to the audience.

It’s made pretty clear that no one takes Sebek seriously when he shouts about humans or acts hateful toward them. Other characters consistently either make fun of Sebek for acting so outrageously, or they outright call him out for his discrimination.

To me, this all reads as very blatantly and purposefully setting Sebek’s racist beliefs up to be shattered and proven wrong later. He’s representative of a social problem, and I hope that TWST will use Sebek to promote a positive message when his time in the spotlight comes around.

What message might that be?

To learn to love and accept yourself, and where you come from, in its entirety.