#cw: venting

[sephiramy]

I am coming off ~2 months of sleep deprivation (we have just recently and very happily worked out a solution going forward) but I'm having a hard time getting myself back into a positive state where I want to create things, which I realize could be because it has only been 1 day that I've achieved a full night of sleep, again... so perhaps I should be more patient...

BUT

if you're feeling generous and would like to reply with a little encouragement I'd really appreciate that, too! 🖤 I have been grappling with the "why make anything" demons, which is tough to admit as I am usually great at self-motivating

[tacitusauxilium]

So. Uh…the next couple months are gonna probably be bad with me stressing out with work and such. My whole shift is probably going to be changing—hours and days—and we are suppose to know this week what we all got. So, I’m a nervous wreck since I go on vacation this month and in two months.

My husband, on the other hand, is not holding it in well. They are forcing people in his department to go from 8a-4p to 3a-11a. And we can’t do that since my mom watches our son four days a week, which will now be 5 days with my new schedule. He is only working 8a-11a three to four days a week and his fifth day is always 8 hours. So, we lost over $500 on this paycheck.

He’s panicking, I’m taking my anxiety medicine to just not FEEL anything cause if I do, I’m going to scream or cry or hit something, so we are a wreck. We can’t even do anything for our son’s birthday this Sunday which we planned out weeks ago and have to cancel.

And my mom’s hours and days are being cut—two or three days of work instead of four—so I’m the bread winner and I’m losing my mind. Not knowing what’s gonna happen is causing me to get my period earlier than normal and I don’t wanna leave this place. We just got insurance taken care of thanks to the union, so I’ll save money, and there is no customer interactions, but dammit—I have to take melatonin to knock me out or I’ll be up all night worrying.

So, I’m a nervous wreck and just spotty with talking to people or wanting to do anything. I try to stay at places for more than four years but every TIME I do, something shitty happens. This is the third time my shift and hours have changed in four years since I’ve been here. Just…needed to vent and rant cause I hear it all day at work and I want my days off with my husband and I wanna see my kid and want to come home for dinner—!

I hate playing everything day by day. I just want a life outside of work even if I don’t have friends or anything to do. Just…want to unwind and can’t. I’ll keep you all updated on what the heck happens this month.

[toyguin]

I hate not knowing if I'm being too much sometimes. I hate not knowing if people are bothered by my presence or not. I hate all these rules that social interactions apparently need to have, and I hate not knowing if I've overstepped a line or if people are just busy or if they just don't want me around or what.

[halohalona]

WTF

[12thgrave]

“your trauma doesn’t define you” no actually it does. it dictates every aspect of my shitty life.

[foxdies]

#1 crush. vent doodle

edit:

please help me replace my broken refrigerator, if you can spare anything and like my art here it means a lot.

[hello-friends9500]

[slvttyb1tch]

SOMEONE FUCKING KILL ME I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF LIVING PLEASE FUCKING PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY FUCK

[bpderanged]

I know everything happens for a reason but what the actual fuck

[buriedasylum]

being alive is just so exhausting

[bpddress-updarling]

[chainmail-butch]

We (The Panthers) were out doing food distribution yesterday and there was a homeless trans woman with cerebral palsy.

And just. Fuck me, man. It was all we could do to get her some estrogen. We gave her some razors but like. Can she even use them?

It felt more personal. Here was one of my sisters at the lowest she could possibly be and there was nothing I could fucking do.

I haven't been able to get her out of my mind.

She couldn't speak. She was terrified of men. She was on the corner begging for cigarettes. There was a smear going down her cheek from where she had applied her lipstick. She started crying when she saw another black transwoman. When she held me I could feel her drowning.

Fuck.

[purpleblanketz]

Dear 15 y/o darkshipper who gets death threats from grown adults,

Please. PLEASE. Do NOT come out and tell people about your CSA/grooming trauma in an attempt to get people to understand you.

They will not care. They will use this new information against you, actually. The death threats will turn into "You probably liked what happened to you"... "I hope you get raped again"... and worse !

This moment will haunt you forever when you realize people online dont give a FUCKKK about victims

[esperleaf]

dissociation

tumbr pls dont kill the quality .

[aeternal-nightmare]

Ads getting longer, unskippable, taking more and more space. Even personal space like.. phone gallery. AI everywhere and they don't even care that most of it looks like absolute shit, literally worse than cheapest art from absolute beginners. "Personalised" everything, cookies, algorithms that won't let you find what you actually search for. TWO LEVELS OF SUBSCRIPTIONS because now the "first" one doesn't remove all the ads. And so on, and so on. Don't even let me start about the political situation in the world.

We're so cooked. I've always been excited for the future, for the progress. But what did we fucking got? This is dystopia. Cyberpunk dystopia just without the cool aesthetics and easy option to be a main hero of the story who can change something.

[12thgrave]

and right when you think you’re getting better, it all goes to shit.