#def not the first person to think of this but oh man it is living rent free in my head

[bloodandtime]

okay… so.. thinking about…….. how to lose a guy in 10 days steve fic…

[blueberrymocha]

texting them

gon

✰ he didn’t grow up with much technology

✰ and he def did not have a phone

✰ so since he isn’t in the habit of using it often, your messages are all on delivered

✰ he also prefers to live in the moment instead of checking his phone all the time

✰ unfortunately for you that means you’re better off calling the person he’s with if you need to reach him

✰ once you talk to him about it though, he’ll be sure to answer within a couple hours

✰ he’d save your contact as a pet name, personally i can see him using “sunshine” or “honey” for you

✰ you’d be pictureless until killua points it out to gon and explains that you can add pictures to someone’s contact

✰ but once he does learn he’ll use a cute coupley picture of you guys from one of your first dates

✰ would have trouble deciphering your abbreviations

“btw ur gna be back asap right?”

“huh.”

✰ its fine, he prefers to call (loves to hear your voice) anyways

killua

✰ y’all would be so mischievous together

✰ prank calls as a weekly ritual

✰ you’re mostly safe from them but don’t think he’ll never do it to you

✰ probably won’t text you first but always responds within the minute

✰ would only call if he’s checking up on you, like when you’re sick or he’s on an adventure

✰ will use the most abysmal, disrespectful picture he has of you

✰ your name on his phone is either an inside joke or an insult like “sleeping ugly 🧚‍♀️” (he’s out for blood omg you overslept once)

✰ i just know alluka is confused af

✰ he’ll change it to something else whenever you see it, which you will eventually

“y/n can you check my phone?”

“sure! babe why is my name ‘dumbass’ heart emoji, wizard emoji?”

kurapika

✰ you can see this one from a mile away…

✰ his phone always got that silent mode + dnd + texts muted combo

✰ he does all that but would fully expect you to pick up if he called you

✰ speaking of which, he would call probably daily if either of you were away

✰ never forgets an “i love you” “be safe” “see you soon” etc

✰ if something happened, would want you to know that

✰ you guys would fall asleep on calls

✰ but mostly him

✰ your contact might just be your name for a while

✰ but i could also see him using something tame like “love” or “sweetheart”

✰ hes also the type to leave you on read

✰ especially if you’re asking when he’ll be back or how his mission is going

✰ generally just keeps his work separate from home unless he needs to vent or it’s extremely relevant to you

leorio

✰ wishes he could talk more often

✰ school just keeps him really busy

✰ will be upfront with you if he needs time to study, make dinner, or anything of that nature

✰ you’d get in the habit of leaving voicemails

✰ he listens to them all and leaves some for you too

✰ also good morning and good night texts, always

✰ your picture is whatever picture of you he finds the hottest tbh

✰ your name would be a pet name such as “shorty” or “beautiful”

✰ idk why but i feel like he’d misplace his phone often

✰ so if he doesn’t respond by the end of the day, you’ll probably get a call from his roommate’s phone saying how he lost his own

hisoka

✰ lets it ring out and then calls back a minute later

✰ “oh did you need something?”

✰ this man can’t stop playing games, the call cuts off halfway through what you’re saying

✰ then he calls back again acting like it was the wi-fi

✰ don’t worry——that’s only like a quarter of the time

✰ depending on his mood, he’ll be mostly serious

✰ imagine the look on his face when he realizes you’re calling because you’re in the hospital or smth

✰ yeah so he’s better at responding now!

✰ your contact picture is gonna be from the most stalker angle

✰ like it’s just you sleeping

✰ you found that a little odd but maybe your clown just wants to capture those memories

✰ …while you’re walking home on the opposite sidewalk

✰ if you’re in a longer, serious relationship, your name is something romantic like “my dove” but it’ll take a while to get there

illumi

✰ you’d be so surprised to find that he loves to call

✰ he travels a lot as an assassin, so he needs something to do

✰ would always text you formally it’s scary

“have you arrived at the manor yet, y/n? be sure to notify me immediately once you do.”

✰ he’s giving you customer service type responses

✰ you’ll also get updates about his missions

“i’ve just finished killing the target, expect to see me home in four days”

✰ the contact is just your name and if you convince him, he’ll add a picture of your choice

chrollo

✰ has like six phones

✰ if you didn’t know he was the leader of a gang you might‘ve thought he was cheating

✰ you also have the numbers of most of the spiders

✰ so if he ever has to disappear (like after yorknew) they’ll be sure to let you know what’s going on

✰ he’ll text you a few times a day if he’s able to

✰ would ask about your day and remind you to take care of yourself

✰ the conversations usually focus on you, while he listens or prompts you

✰ like kurapika, doesn’t want to involve you in troupe business so it’s very rare for him to even mention them

✰ he doubts you even want to hear about how he robbed an old man today, or killed a woman who didn’t hand over a jewel

✰ on his top secret personal phone, he’ll give you a contact photo with both of you in it

✰ your name would be a classy pet name, maybe “princess” or “beloved”

[krewekreep]

Baby Daddy Red Flags: Bleach Edition (😜🤍)

This one…this one for the sluts! 😭💕 I’m an old anime bitch like lemme get it out my system! (We gonna tag this #ToxicTalk lmaoo, this is a safe space)

(If you wanna know who we share 😒, I’ll add an asterisk or whatever. ((They still mine first 😂💝🫡)) (will update and repost with new additions, semi-live post)

***ICHIGO: Lemme get my baby daddy out the way. Biggest issues would be his availability before and after the kid. Probably got pregnant in a makeup sex situation anyway. Ichigo doesn’t seem to type to breakup but will say let’s break. Based on how selfless he is it also can be seen coming from him not being able to save his mom—so he may have a savior complex. It may seem valiant at first like “oh wow you became friends with Chad helping him with bullies? You became closer to Orihime (😒) after helping her grieve her brother? You’re such a good person!” Til you realize seniority is in place and when his friends call he drops whatever he is doing to go help. It’s been time, money, etc and increasingly his selflessness comes off as codependent. Like he can’t stop trying to make up for something that wasn’t his fault.

He will also randomly reserve to right to become reclusive. Not necessarily secretive but less energetic, talkative, or engaged. (You def realize your baby got some functional depression going on. Iykyk). Might not annoy you but the random times he doesn’t want to be touched or seemingly avoids you does hurt…but he sincerely comes back letting you know he was in a weird space etc.

Ichigo’s biggest yes or no is if you’ll be able to sometimes come second or third (likely til you marry and/or have kids with him.) His father and sisters are absolutely #1, his friends are #2, and his oath to the Soul Society and humanity at large is a consequence of him protecting the first two so that’s of course #3. See where I’m going? Even on your best days you might be upset he runs off to Rukia’s or Orihime’s aid. That he has to “save the world,”to save you too. Jealous types might really become frustrated with Ichigo. And tbh I don’t see him breaking out of his ways. He won’t see a need to because there’s real results of his good deeds in his life. He knows he’s saved lives, so he knows he can continue to—so will you be able to handle the fact his duty and mindset will be self sacrificing? I don’t know I think I’d tie him down with a baby and move on.

**KENPACHI: I fully accept and am attracted to his animalistic tendencies. I absolutely can admit that about myself 😭 but…realistically you’d def have to tell him he’s too rough during sessions. He’s grown up wayward, defensive, survival mode, stomach touching his back— during a time so seemingly historical and old who knows how bad the conditions of poverty were—most kids died if they simply weren’t rich and able to eat. Or turned to crime at extremely young ages or exploited….That’s just global history in real life. And the soul society is that much more complex and arduous. Kenpachi will be a man of few words but immense action. If you want someone who will open up even eventually that is not Kenpachi Zaraki. You will highly likely never know of his past because he will never say he is excruciatingly doing everything to never have to. And no, he won’t communicate ever if anything terrible is on his mind. Although kenpachi is coded as barbaric he really is just that protective—he’s as angry as he will be based solely upon someone’s proximity to him emotionally. You and Yaru will be so exclusively held in a regard he won’t even understand. Just the black hole of his awareness he’ll surpass anything to save y’all. He won’t speak on why Lady Unohana isn’t around anymore (new anime, manga lore). But again, when he ends up rough too many nights in a row you distance yourself from him. He can’t admit to you he disassociates and goes back to bad times. He can’t tell you your comfort and warmth makes him remember the times he needed it before—he doesn’t mean to hurt you but he lives for a fight. But he wants to stop making everything and everyone something to “conquer.” He’ll be a real deal handful and it will solely up to you to either tell him you can’t be with him until he figure shit out or you’ll stick beside him and work through it together. (In this case Yaru is the “kid” yall share, I see him being weary of birthing a child and being a dad in such a “visceral” way. Will have total abandonment trauma and just can’t see him getting over it completely to bring new life into a world he already sees the worst in tbh.) but in terms of “baby momma” treatment? Or your prioritized and protected best believe. 💕 he also will force you to learn combat cause you should be able to take care yourself too. Which might either be hot or burdensome. You’re gonna know how to fight. And tbh he might try to bring it into the bedroom on some weird let’s play fight shit so watch yourself. That’s a BIG MAN! 😭😂💕 “HA! Now that you know how do a few things why don’t you test it on me?” Big cheeky sneaky ass grin girl don’t fall for it!

BYAKUYA: This is the guy who will match your freak everywhere but in public. No PDA—actually don’t even look at him or try to talk to him in public…be professional. He will be joking with others and you’ll get upset saying “Hey! You let the other members of the society tease you?” And in private he’ll admit it’s just to keep up appearances and he hates it all. 😭 I think his biggest issue will be coming off fake or disingenuous or you’ll have a hard time sincerely seeing him cause he’ll be so different depending on where y’all are. People wouldn’t know he’s like a mom boyfriend who makes sure you eat, sleep, and keep up with yourself. Yes, he will absolutely unintentionally say something insulting like “This doesn’t suit you. Find something else.” And yes he will be very clearly on guard when in public. People will openly wonder why you’re with him tbh. Which will frustrate the both of you of which neither of you ever bring up to the other. Byakuya has lost a love before—he won’t talk about it ever. You MIGHT get something out of Rukia about it cause it was her sister but I doubt she’ll go super intimate about THEIR relationship cause she respects both his and her sister’s privacy. So you might be stuck on an eavesdropping side quest with Renji that amounts to nothing cause he’ll sense yall. He’ll be amused and somewhat touched you wanted to watch him work though. He’s usually the one keeping check or track of things so he’ll never say he likes that you peep on him and mind his business. You care about him and he knows he’s a bit unfair not allowing any PDA. But he so openly loved on Rukia’s sister he couldn’t help the shameful self imposed embarrassment once he had to walk the halls alone…Byakuya will be a very intentional, quiet lover. I doubt he’ll moan very much tbh unless he’s exhausted and allowing you to take care of him. Sometimes he’ll absolutely disappear all day into work. Other times he’ll be sure to direct his underlings to wait on you in his stead. He’s more manageable if you can accept his sometimes snarky, distant, super private ways. As a father he’ll be annoyingly big on exceptionalism and them being smart and talented. You’ll have to be sure he isn’t burdening your kid when you aren’t around. And you’ll have to be sure he doesn’t inadvertently impart his insensitive habits too. Likewise, you’ll ABSOLUTELY have to “deal or no deal” him about giving affection to your kid in public. You will absolutely have to go off and tell him it’s y’all or his image. And yeah now he’s holding both yall hands albeit defeated. 💕😭

AIZEN: Shit…girl (im black my “girl…” is gender neutral don’t be annoying 💕) you already know what it is. Yandare, selfish, self righteous, MEAN, EVIL…but fine and rich as fuck. 😔🫤 it will be a doozy to be with this one. You literally have to know and accept what you getting into bestie. I can’t even warn you, you know! 😭 but seriously if your an aizen bias you accept him as is 😭 psycho ass. So I wanna just write how’d he be as a baby daddy. Now not to get…too mature…but if you happened to be someone captured/kidnapped by him and pregnant…baby you is a victim! BUT ITS FANFIC SOOO if you were the captured baby momma that’s in his realm with him…well girl you in the realm lord you stuck. “Can I go to the human world?” “For what?” “Uh, sun?” “Humph what do you need sun for…” He’ll look down at your crying child and be like “Ugh okay whatever but Grimmjow is your chaperone.” And you won’t care cause Grimmjow lets you run off and live life. Which Aizen knows but the minute you aren’t overtly scared and submissive to him he’ll lose his weird sense of “power.” You’re man crazy bestie. He’s definitely someone you won’t talk back to until you’re a parent and equally going to advocate for your kid. He’ll realize and laugh to himself “Their not really submissive at all…little minx…” and hold you in completely new regard. “So you took me as is because you wanted to?” He’ll start thinking shit that confuses him and decide to randomly kill a grunt to distract himself like no he’s not gonna reflect into a better person. 😂 you’ll have everything you want cause you can’t go nowhere 😭. Mind you yes the sex is mind blowing so you sadly do take what positives are there…his eyes don’t fall sexually to anyone but you. His body doesn’t respond certain ways to anyone but you. And as you stand next to him more and more he’s leaning into you and your baby’s energy rather than tryna to overtake yall with his. Just don’t speak about the change and it’ll be fine. The minute you tease or openly acknowledge his becoming softer and less controlling you’ll ruin all the progress you made. Let him feel like he’s in control or whatever.

New Additions (1):

Hitsugaya: (adult of course) Hitsu will be a blend of Byakuya and Ichigo. The best aspects of him will be how attentive and actionable he is about his love for you. But — he will shy away from PDA and sometimes have moments of separated solitude. Unlike Byakuya, he will absolutely open up to PDA, just will never be the initiator of it. Maybe grab your hand at the end of the day to hurry back home or stare at you as long as he can while he observes your dutiful working. He’ll be shy always which keeps your love feeling young and refreshed. You’ll always be able to make him blush and unlike Ichigo, he’ll warm up to you imposing yourself on his alone time. He’ll be big on love making and planning when to have a child so it will be less spontaneous. He’ll have the baby registry and wishlists prepared, printed, and passed out to members of the Soul Society. He’ll enjoy trips to the human world to acquire new toys and trinkets for your baby.

As a baby daddy he’s almost too protective. You wonder what he’s been through as he’ll have a firm grip of your hips as you cradle your child. He’ll have a habit of looking at your baby and then between the both of you stunned at how he can see the perfect blend of your features on your child’s face. He’ll be very close to a simp honestly (which I’m a fan of) and be at your beck & call no matter the hour. Definitely the dad to tell you don’t worry about tending to the little one, keep resting cause he knows how tired you get. He’s honestly the perfect idea of a new father as he’ll be bumbling a bit but with so much to prove. I realize I kinda didn’t write red flags cause I truly see Hitsu adjusting to parenthood and a long term relationship the best. Only thing I can think is that he’ll be overtly willing to sacrifice himself for your family’s safety. So any massive issue in the Soul Society will make your heart sink a little because while he’s capable he’s been in enough life threatening predicaments to cause ample, appropriate worry. He’ll be hard to break out of working I think until your child starts schooling which could be frustrating cause he’ll overcompensate parenting in lieu of his work commitments. Overall, I think he’d be the baby daddy with the least to really worry about.

Renji: Oh lord— all tea, all shade this man will STRUGGLE. « What do you mean the baby is hungry AGAIN ? You just breastfed! WAIT DO NOT PULL YOUR TIT OUT IN PUBLIC WOMAN ! » He’ll have a hard time adjusting to your freedom as a breastfeeding mom for sure (if you choose to). Work ? What’s work? One thing you can count on is that he will absolutely commit to being a family man and even a stay at home dad. He’ll take all his PTO or even « quit » (basically will say don’t call me to help unless the Soul Society is about to die.) He will wait on you hand & foot because he can’t imagine how much your body and mind has gone through and the strength it takes to be so tired but smile and laugh with him and your kiddo. But, he may end up a bit controlling about you leaving the house without him. He’ll either become a sad puppy or an angry old man. « Baby…what do you mean you want me to stay home ? 😓🥺 » or «  Woman, what did I tell you about going out without me ? What if a crazy person tried to rob you ? » You laugh at him always being some level of dramatic but it may get annoying how clingy and worried he’ll become. You’ll have to remind him you lived this long for a reason…and plan to live longer, so he can chill out sometimes cause his worried nature worries you…you might benefit from guilt tripping him into apologizing and giving you a breather on leaving the house. But just know someone is watching over you. Renji would be a great cook or a terrible cook who improves over time. He might be great at catching the baby right when they poop or…end up shat on rushing to a sink. I really see him either being weirdly good at being a dad or definitely suffering from the learning curve.

Your baby will definitely be conceived in a wild love making, (maybe rough, passionate sex) session. And you’ll catch him blushing when he holds your baby and looks at you remembering the night you had. You’ll be the type to walk in on them sleeping crazily on the sofa, his arm instinctively holding your baby firm. He’ll be grateful to not have to jump up to go to work honestly. His biggest red flags will be being overbearing, needy, and likely requiring a lot of overt reassurance. (Which isn’t necessarily a red flag given he just will want to be a really good dad and partner.) Otherwise he’ll become a stubborn dad who will try (and fail) to « put his foot down. » Which will likely result in him sleeping on the sofa…💕

[iwasdear]

I'm coming in with another thought about Matsukawa cus he lives in a penthouse in my brain and bro is not moving out any time soon

he did not truely grasp how big his meat was until he lost his virginity

sure he's not dumb he knew it was definitely something but not until he got a girl in bed did he realize his shtick was built different

and lemme say that did more than just inflate his ego, he was a changed man

And doesn't just slang it all willy nilly and expect his size to do all the work, he learned the motion of the ocean and was a certified sex god from that point forward‼

Not just cocky for cockys sake, he promises a good time and sure as hell lays it tf down too😼

On a similar note can I ask how you think all the seijoh 4 first times went? when? how? what do you think?

oh i definitely fuck with this thought, anon. he's not cocky just because he can be cocky, but it's because he knows he can be cocky. matsukawa isn't like those annoying mfs that are cocky because they think they're the shit. he is the shit. after that encounter where he lost his virginity, he became a god and nobody could stop him no more.

now, here is how i think seijoh 4z first time went ( with reader ) ★

oikawa had his first time at a party. since he's very popular, he gets invited to parties often. i feel like he def had no idea as to what the fuck to do, but i mean, you're not bound to knows when it's your first time, right? he was really excited about it, though, and spoiler: he came really fast! we understand, king. hormones are everywhere, there's a rush that's hard to ignore, its a first time sensation, how could he hold back? he had a round two after that because he reached his own high, but reader didn't even get to enjoy theirs, and let me tell you. his second orgasm hit him ten times harder. i know this messed up with his ego so he's been participating in every no nut november like a loser because he says it will help him last longer (it really doesn't).

mattsun had a pretty decent first time with a date, and it went absolutely amazing for both of them. the amount of stamina this guy has is insane. they met on a dating app, both of their profiles specifying that they didn't want anything serious, much rather looking for a quick hook-up. it was then when matsukawa realized his cock was in fact not your average dick. the fact that his huge buddy could make someone cry in pain fascinated him. my guy has morals so he held back so reader could adjust but god was his ego over the roof. ever since then, mattsun proudly carries a weapon between his legs.

makki had his first time in a damn club HANDS DOWN. unlike oikawa, who had the commodity of a (strangers) bed, hanamaki went at it in a bathroom. oh yeah. ngl i feel like he's a sucker for head, so they went with that first! he loved it, btw. lasted quite long but not too long, iykwim. then he proceeded to fuck reader on the sink. some clubs tend to have full body mirrors and my gut is telling this mf had a second round but this time full view on said mirror. the ones above the sink weren't it for him. out of the 4, i personally think makki is the most experienced. he knew what he was doing the moment they walked into that bathroom. if you're wondering, they waited for it to empty out and locked the doors and didn't let anyone in for a good two hours, teehee.

this one may be a little too biased because i love iwaizumi a little too much, and in my eyes, he's a gentleman. unlike the other 3, iwa had his first time with someone he was in a stablished relationship with at the time. it was actually quite romantic and beautiful and SIKE. hajime had his first time in the lockers. stressed from dealing with oikawa and his annoying fangirls, mattsun and makki holding him back from beating the shit out of his best friend, and just built up stress from other things. he was over it. the stablished relationship part is true. he asked reader to meet in the lockers a little earlier than the time practice usually ends because he heard from others (mattsun) that sex was a good stress reliever. by the way, iwaizumi was the last to lose his virginity. the gentleman part was also true because despite being someone who doesn't speak his mind outloud, my man still had the courage to confidently ask reader if they could do the deed right there and then. tbh i feel like he likes his privacy, and i mean, anyone could walk in any second, so they both went with the showers. great experience if you ask him, but he would NOT do it in an open space like that ever again.

© iwasdear | more thoughts are welcome!

[itsjustaninchident]

Starlight☆

Lando Norris x Model!Wife!Reader

smau

summary: Getting married means having children.... Or not? 5 months into marriage and a lot of hate and pressure has been thrown on the couple. A part 2 of To the Moon and To Saturn.

warning/s: sexual innuendos, misogynistic comments, hate comments (tell me if I missed something)

author's note: This is the most tedious and longest work I've probably done here 😭 I definitely enjoyed doing this, I enjoy reading comments from you guys and also requests are always open, I'm just not fast in making it but I'll definitely do your requests🤍

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 1,321,987 others

yourusername oh sorry can't find it on the mirror where I gaf

view 63,483 comments...

user1 THE IT GIRL OF THIS GENERATION

user2 THE FUTURE KIDS WOULD SAY THEY WERE BORN IN THE WRONG GENERATION UPON SEEING THIS GIRL IN THE FUTURE

user3 scrolling through the pictures slay after slay and then lando norris

user4 i still can't believe they're married

user5 Can't wrap my head around how a man who drives for a living is dating the hottest girl alive

landonorris can't believe it either

user6 at least he's self aware

user7 you're both hot tbf

user8 why are hot people only for hot people

user9 this is just too cute

user10 their kids are gonna be good looking istg

user11 I mean the parents are both good looking so

user12 can't wait omg they're gonna look so cute😭

yourusername respectfully, no.

user13 oh.

user14 is this how I confirm they both don't want children😭

user15 yn shutting off comments suggesting kids for both of them😭 she's just like me fr

user16 yn is so real for that😭 she def saw that tiktok girl with the list

user17 THE WORLD IS SIMPLY NOT READY FOR THIS GIRL😭

user18 haters are found in the ditch i fear

landonorris

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 1,239,876 others

landonorris P2 in Singapore!❤️

view 32,987 comments...

user1 congrats lando!!!

user2 definitely deserve!

user3 why is yn not present in the sg gp?

landonorris she's busy with work :)

user4 shouldn't yn be present to her husband's races, she like missed 4 races already?

user5 girl she can't possibly be with him all the damn time😭 she's got work too

user6 leave yn alone, she literally go all out whenever she can support lando in his races

landonorris she supports me even though she's across the world, it's not her responsibility to go to every race and she has her own work to tend to.

user7 GAGGED!

user8 when he never lets anyone talk shit about you>>>>

user9 they definitely deserve each other

user10 can people stop demanding for yn and just congratulate lando😭 leave the girl alone she's not doing anything to y'all

yourusername CONGRATS BABY! any requests? ;)

user11 HE'S DEF GETTING IT😭

landonorris i think i've made it clear on chat🤔

yourusername assertive, i like it🫡

user12 STOP BEING HORNY ON MAIN?

user13 they're literally unstoppable 😭

yourusername

liked by lilymhe, landonorris, and 976,890 others

yourusername let me fix my shoes first

view 21,765 comments...

lilymhe can u please divorce the L word and elope with me?

yourusername contacting the lawyers📞

landonorris HEY!!

alexalbon maybe we're the ones meant for each other, mate

user1 L WORD?!😭

user2 this is actually alex's karma for calling his girlfriend the squid game girl😭

user3 personally would be my last straw

user4 why is yn always outside, can't even become a decent wife and do her chores

user5 women should just stay in the house and cook.

yourusername you should try a challenge

user5 and what is that?

yourusername it's called shutting tf up

user6 GET HIMMMM

user7 you idiots, that's literally her job she needs to constantly attend events and model products she's not outside for NOTHING, unlike you.

user8 maybe that's why they don't have kids together lol he definitely would divorce her later on

yourusername checked your profile, looks like you're not even close to getting your first girlfriend

user9 HELP😭 OMG I LIVE FOR UNFILTERED YN😭

user10 these disgusting comments about yn... she's so strong to be able to handle all of these hate just because she's married to a well-known athlete.

user11 the absolute sickening moments ever for women, we can't have anything. The world does not want us to be happy.

user12 true, makes me think how she even deserves all the hate comments when she's been the nicest, most supportive, and loving partner to lando

user13 the answer is easy, she's a woman who married a man. All these men who never grew out of their highschool phase suddenly think they've got the right to talk shit about her just because she married their favorite athlete🙄

user14 YN CAN YOU PLEASE STEP ON ME

user15 calm down girl, my boyfriend's on this app🥵

yourusername oh honey, if your boyfriend admires other girls he's not your boyfriend anymore

user15 IM JUST KIDDING I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I WANT

user16 she's an it girl and a girl's girl🫡

user17 she really said don't let any man disrespect u

via interview...

via twitter...

via article...

via twitter...

yourusername

liked by landonorris, carmmenmundt, and 2,309,674 others

yourusername baby #1 full of food

view 23,029 comments...

landonorris can't believe this is how I find out I'm gonna be a dad

yourusername thanks for feeding me ig now u're gonna have to take full responsibility

landonorris i fully accept becoming a father of food

user0 idk what's up with these two😭

user-1 they're literally the perfect match both of them goofy af

yourfriend is this for real?!

yourusername no bae ;)

yourfriend AMEN

user1 not yn trolling the whole damn nation only for it to be a food baby😭

user2 this is what the media gets for pressuring them into becoming parents when clearly they want a different path lol

user3 true, they've made it clear numerous times already that they want to enjoy their married life more and not involve kids in the process

user4 they're so real for that

user5 I remember in an interview of yn with the same question and she said something like "I just feel like in this day and age, having children isn't a priority for most people of this generation and I'm glad that most of us are realizing how big of a deal it is to have children and deciding to not bring them in this world when we are very self aware of our capabilities. It's time we should stop pressuring couples, more so women in giving birth because it's not the only thing we're here for."

user6 SHE'S SO SLAY?!

user7 MY ELOQUENT QUEEN

user8 slay after slay

user9 everyday i have to be reminded that im actually not married to yn and we dont have 4 kids tgt

user10 SHE'S LEGIT SO ICONIC FOR THIS😭

user11 a slap on the face for those nosy people up in their business

hope y'all actually enjoyed this as much as I did writing it😭 comments are highly appreciated 🫶 lovelots♡

[iayos]

𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 (𝐄𝐖𝐖) !

jjk boys and their icks… because no man is perfect…

jjk boys x implied fem!reader

cw : men being gross, slight nsfw in nanami’s part, very mild misogyny if you squint in megumi’s part, this post was literally just so i could rant kinda

a / n : long time no see… not much to say other than i’ve been busy !!! anyways hope you enjoy :)

yuji itadori - bad grammar

giving him the tamest one tbh because he’s such a sweetheart </3 idk why but i feel like he just has such shitty grammar… like he’s smart ! just not when it comes to grammar. for example, he mixes up his to, too, and two’s, his there’s, and don’t get me started on your vs you’re :/ again he’s the sweetest boy ever ! it’s just the fact he probably failed his lit classes…

megumi fushiguro - “females”…

i was so close to giving this to satoru but i didn’t cause he has shoko to hold him down, megumi on the other hand… look, i don’t think he’d say it in front of girls, but to other dudes, yk ? and i definitely don’t think it’s on purpose to try and be an asshole but it just happens. quickly unlearns it when he says it around maki though.

yuta okkotsu - referring to himself in third person

you guys know how elmo is like, “elmo wants to go to the park,” yeah… yuta does this. and no, it’s not ironically. he definitely thinks it’s cute too and sometimes it is ! but it’s to an extent. like it’s cute the first couple times where he is goes, “yuta loves you,” but then it gets weird and corny when he’s like, “yuta wants to get dinner,” like ermmmm ok…

toge inumaki - fish pics.

as someone who lives in those south i see these OFTEN. for those who don’t know, fish pics are basically when dudes hold up fish they caught while fishing and post pictures of them holding it… i think the main problem with this to me is that a lot of very weird and racist men do it, so that’s why i hate it. anyways i’m 90% sure he has an official art where he’s holding a fish ( i also didn’t know what ick to give him ).

satoru gojo - his height is his whole personality

this shit irks me so bad omg. as someone who’s short ( 5’0 ) and hates seeing other short people make their whole personality their height, it’s even worst when it’s a tall person. satoru is definitely the type to be like, “omg guysss i bumped my head otw hereeee i’m so tallll,” like no you’re just stupid ! he definitely has other icks but this was the main one i could think of… ik he gets on everyone’s nerves.

suguru geto - says “my bad” instead of “im sorry”

another personal one tbh. i hate hate hate when people do this especially if it’s something serious. i remember one time someone pushed me in the mud ( i didn’t fully go on, just my foot ) and i got mud all over my white shoes and they have the audacity to go, “my bad,” like yeah it is your bad lmao. anyways, suguru def does this often especially to shoko. i feel like he’s pretty clumsy and say if shoko’s studying and he knocks over a drink onto her books he’ll say “my bad” and not even attempt to help her clean it up. like dude at least say sorry or something idk ???

nanami kento - calls his dick anything but a dick

“my member” you are grown !!! say dick !!! he does it to be ‘classy’ but like, he is pushing 30 doing this, just say dick. i also think it’s a shame thing ? idk probably hanging out with stsg for most of his teen years rotted his brain so he hates hearing really nasty stuff but he won’t even say penis half the time. like it’s really not that serious nobody wants to call your dick a phallus ( it was also really hard to give him an ick ).

choso - using 🥺 / 🥹

oh BROTHERRRR this one pisses me off. i hate both of those emojis in general but especially when men do it, it’s cornball behavior. like aren’t you supposed to be fighting in wars ? stand up. but i don’t think he has any ill intentions at all, honestly just picks emojis that represent his mood often. however he definitely uses 😂 instead of 😭… sorry choso…

song : ick - lay bankz

[imababblekat]

Bayverse TmnT X Spiderman Reader; Spiderverse HC's

@yesthetrashbin ,"I just wanna say, I love your Bayverse tmnt with Spiderman Reader, I been hyperfixating on Spiderman so this gives me happy and pleasant tingles in my brain So thank you 🥺💖" "Idk if you watched the spiderverse movies BUT IF YOU DID how would the boy verse tmnt boys react to Spider-Man reader meet Miguel O'Hara?? And reader is like "DAYUM he's hot" gets recruited into the Spider Society and chaos ensures??"

A/N: Oh my goodness thank you! Also this request is just *chef kiss*. Miguel shan't know peace!

~xXx~

-chaos?! I think you mean tormented hell! For Miguel at least. . .

-I’d like to imagine the turtles find out about the multiverse when spiderman reader has been missing for a while and then one day gets randomly spat out of a portal right at their feet

-ninja bro’s are a mix of “where the hell have you been?!” and “????”

-meanwhile spiderman reader is just too excited to tell their friends about the escapades they’ve been on

-Obviously from a scientific standpoint point Donnie is the most thrilled

-The sassy genius has given Miguel so much stress from reverse engineering his tech that him and Lyla can barely keep up making new gadgets

-Mikey and Raph want so badly to join you but it’s really hard sneaking them on your adventures because you’re on Miguel’s “only teleport when needed” list, aka the “banned from free rain of hq list”

-Especially after the cafeteria incident. . .

-Leo loves hearing all the places you’ve been and hearing about the multiverses hits him on a sort of spiritual level

-He secretly ask you bring him back cool rocks from each one

-The brothers def get concerned the times you are pulled on missions, especially ones you come back battered and bruised from

-They will all dote on you, hating that they couldn’t be there to back you up

-Donnie is ofc the one to fix you up, Mikey always has your favorite meal prepped and ready to go, Leo makes you the most calming drinks, and Raph throws on your favorite shows and allows you and only you to cuddle up against him till you’re better

-The first time they really met Miguel, you, Mikey, and Donnie had to hold Raph and Leo back from kicking his ass because they 100% will not stand for someone who treats their spider person so bad with everything they’ve done for the spider society

-However, the one thing Miguel can count on when it comes to your turts is that if an anomaly ever ended up in your verse, that villain better start praying when you’re notified to take care of it, because you will NOT be taking care of them alone!

-Over all, it’s a really new and exciting thing in your shared lives, just not for Miguel, especially after your group of friends meet Miles and his group of friends

-At that point, Miguel should just really think about retirement

~xXx~

[a-twistedheartslonging]

Could I ask for courting/relationship headcanons for my pathetic boy Idia in your AU?

Sorry, this took a while.

Man, poor OG Idia already has it hard as a cursed human, he's not the type to make the first move, even with his brother providing him with all the evidence and statistics showing him that you would accept his feelings.

But now we're adding him being a big spider with those courting and mating instincts that conflict with the guy's other anxiety-driven instincts telling him to avoid it all and that everything would go wrong and that you would tell him “Ew no, you're a gross spider that’s blue all over.” and then poke him with a stick.

Most spiders tend to be solitary creatures, they don't live in groups and only come together when it's time to find a mate. It doesn't happen all the time but it’s common for the males to get eaten after mating or even before they have the chance to when their advances are rejected. Now that is for regular spiders but there might be a chance of it if you go up to the wrong person and these guys still have those instincts telling them to be warry thanks to their ancestors. People always say “The worst that can happen is they say no.” But really there's the chance they might say “Ew no” which is way worse. Or the extra way way worse when you are a spider cuz your crush might get freaking aggressive with you and take a bite out of you. You being a little human def ease his worry about the latter, but not the former.

It's later after you guys start to hang out that he starts to be a snarky little shit, who knew such an anxious guy could have so much sass. He’s a weird combination of having issues with self-loathing while also having a big ego. It's one of those times where he starts mouthing off that you do actually try to bite him, he was legit scared for a sec but once he saw those little teeth of yours couldn’t even make a scratch on the exoskeleton on his arm, he gets super freaking smug, and now he’s even more of a shit when teasing you.

With Idia romantic feelings will develop slowly over time after becoming friends though. It's def a new feeling for him, he gives me demi-ace vibes and I think this would be the first time he had this kind of interest in a real person, it was always fictional characters before.

But also I feel like with him it could turn into him thinking these fillings are just how it feels when you have a best friend since he’s only had his brother for all those years and you're the first person outside of his family that he felt this comfortable around and when he actually does these courting behaviors its subconscious and his instincts are kicking in and his brother is actually the one to point it out.

The male of the orb weaver family (Araneidae) and some others court by rhythmically plucking the threads of a web. After the female approaches, he pats and strokes her before mating. I head canon that not only is he able to create webs but they are cool and glowy and he makes a cool hammock for you to chill in sometimes or even hang out with him on one he made for himself…and then without thinking when you're leaning against him and enjoying the soft blue floof of his legs he gives you a few gentle pats and baps with spider paw and Ortho lets out a gasp and startles him. Oh, he gets so embarrassed once Ortho starts asking him about how long he’s been courting you and how he’s so proud that he made the first move despite his anxiety. Hopefully, he does his questioning after you're out of the room.

(Oh, to be patted by one of his cute spooder paws.)

Or perhaps…he pulls a male wolf spider and ends up doing that purr after you say or do something that hits him in those feelings and oh boy, he is so embarrassed when he realizes he did it thanks to your excited reaction to hearing it. Though it hurts his ego a bit when you squeal about how cute it is…I mean…even if he didn't mean to do it, it was supposed to be sexy…still with spiders if you're rejected you either get ignored or attacked…even though he knows better, the inhuman part of his brain is telling him your positive reaction is a “yes” to getting with him which lends to him actually considering that this might actually work out and that Ortho is right. 

(Tbh I don't get why the video says it's creepy, it kind of sounds like bird sounds to me.)

Silk-wrapped gifts and offerings, expect snacks and games. Though admittedly he’s going to give you ones that he wants you to play with him. Beating a boss in co-op counts as a date…right? Right. Best believe he’s gonna be getting you hard-to-get items in game, armor, and whatever else. It’s easy to forget his rich until he gets you some decked-out gaming computer or that handheld you wanted, all wrapped in glowing blue silk of course. Actually, driders giving gifts made of their silk is very much a thing they do but Idia mostly does small simple things, expect to get really cool bracelets and hair ties infused with his scent. He gets so happy and so smug if he sees you wearing them.

I found out recently that another thing some males will do is do sort of a silk-involved message, though I think that is another thing he would do after you guys start dating and not before to...get you in the mood.

The massaging motions of the spider are officially called mate binding. Basically, the male massages the female, so that she'll allow him to mate with her, without killing him before he gets the chance. The male spider releases silk over the back of the female as he massages her. The same study also suggested that it was the feeling of the massage that soothed the female, and not the smell of the silk as some scientists suggested.

NSFW: I just found out that Darwin’s bark spiders figured out they're less likely to get eaten by ladies if they do oral. Do with that info what you may.

[acesgarden]

hi! can i get tmnt 2012 boys general relationship hcs?? bonus points for poly (not tcest, god no!! just reader is dating all the boys but the boys arent together) (if that makes you uncomfy you absolutely do not have to include that and do them separately!!) 🦕

Hello lovely!! <33 Thank you for requesting. Polyam will never be turned away on this blog, unless it is rooted in tcest or toxic relationships.

For best experience read all of them in order.

|| So Much Love <3

Pairing(s) ->

2012!Leonardo H. Raphael H. Donatello H. Michelangelo H. x GN!Reader

Warning(s) ->

Reader is meant to be polyam with the headcanons made to he read as such! DNI with this post if you don’t like it, and just keep scrolling.

Summary ->

Reader is in a poly relationship with the turtles.

Masterlist

Leonardo ->

He’s a gentle man even before you get together.

He’d open the manhole cover for you, keep any snacks you like stocked in the lair the best he can.

Big ole sweetheart to you.

While it’s kinda obvious he like you he plays it off.

Notices his brothers acting a little different with you but just assumes it’s cause you’re a human. But has a feeling it’s something more.

Once they (and you) caught on, it became a think like sibling rivalry. Trying to one up each other for you.

Gentleman x10, invites you out with them constantly, makes small talk and tries to joke around (sometimes.)

He tries out in other areas like helping you with training, he compliments you alot.

Hes always there for you, checking up on you. He cares for you a lot.

He goes to splinter for advice when it comes to you. Wants to make sure he’s not messing up.

You quickly get annoyed by all they do. So you sit them down to have a talk.

You call them out on in and yeah they admit to having a crush on you.

Well lucky for them you’re poly! and after explaining that to them, they think about it and decide hey- why not give it a shot. You assure them that if things don’t work out they all can go back to being friends and forget it ever happened.

Now he’s more of a nervous and shy mess because you’re the first person he’s dated, like ever.

But he’s super supportive, and hypes you all all the time!!

I gotta get this one out the way.

Turtle piles, are IMMACULATE.

They love cuddling with you because you’re so so warm.

But if you’re a cold blooded mutant or just always cold, they are trying to keep you warm.

But for 1 on 1 cuddles he’s the big spoon, you’re the little spoon. But if you decide to be the big spoon he’d try it out.

After awhile he gets really affectionate like in a chill way, gentleman way.

Holding your hand, kissing your hand.

Dancing to music together because yes. He likes spinning you around. Cutie patootie.

Starts asking april for more advice.

He’s a gets you flowers and favorite things kinda guy.

Most dates are at home dates, like watching movies and stuff. But he makes them so much fun.

Get him hooked on your favorite show and suddenly boom he’s a bigger fan than you. Especially in the hero and action genre. But yall get rambling on it together and would probably shush them.

“Oh! Did you know! *insert cool fact-*”

“*shush*”

“*shush*”

Then you and leo go back to rambling.

I think he’s not the kind to get (to) jealous. Like a maybe “why didn’t I think of that!” other then that he’s like “that’s nice, i’m glad you had fun with Mikey.”

So supportive <3

Def will mom you, especially when you’re sick.

‘Nuh uh young lady, you ain’t getting out of bed, go back to laying down’ type momming. He gets you soup and whatever you need, medicine, water, kisses and cuddles.

First one to say ‘i love you.’

Also takes things slow, making sure you want to do it, and triple checking.

He’s a dork but you live em. :>

Raphael ->

Acts like he doesn’t like you, but he does. Tough guy act.

Atleast around his brothers. There’s just something about you that makes him a itty bitty lot softer.

But be prepared for him to push you when it comes to stuff like training or improving any of your skills.

Even if your interests or skills are ‘stupid’ he still pushed you, he’s always very encouraging.

Finds it odd the way his brothers act around you, like they like you. Reminds him of his romance books.

Kinda jealous when he caught on, but he’s now just showing off in his fighting, showing and teaching you all these cool moves.

Very supportive as always, pushed you and helps you even if he knows nothing of what he’s helping you with.

Mf is soft for you, especially in private. But like not soft as you’d expect all the time. Soft for you in the way he’s constantly giving you supportive and encouraging words. soft for you in the way he admires and respects all that you do.

Would sneak out with you if you asked.

Lowkey kinda a fangirl about you, imagine that scene between mikey and raph where they’re talking about mona. Yeah that’s how he is about you.

Kinda awkward during cuddle piles because yes they teased him at first. but has gotten use to it.

You are the big spoon, he is the little spoon.

Or yall are in such a random cuddle position but it works. Like you’re cuddling on top of him.

He likes kissing you a lot though, especially on the nose.

Mfs a romantic like those romance books paid off.

Like really, he’s always respectful, he’s a good flirt when he wants to be, but boy he can be awkward sometimes.

Asks to lift you.

Or you ask to lift him depending on size and strength differences.

But yall work out together and is your spotter.

He knows how to plan dates.

Stargazing, picnic, to Mr. Murakami’s noodle shop, walking around town. Seems basic but he makes them fun. Even the at home dates!!

Yall read comics together.

Ok but fr hell do things for you if you ask, even partake in a ‘girls night’ and somehow leo ends up there too.

He acts like he’s done it many times before. in which he has.

It’s their little secret.

You tease him though, he does get flustered but like a grumpy flustered. The best way to make it up is with kisses.

Anyway yall totally dress chompy up and take pictures, that is your child.

The pet parents.

He finds it interesting to know how his brothers treat you, sometimes he gets jealous.

He listens though.

He gets very anxious when you’re sick. stays by your side and watches over you. His brothers get a bit worried about him whenever you get sick.

But hey with all four of them and april taking care of you it’s helps with the anxiousness.

He’s the first to say ‘I love you.’ he was sweating like a hot day in hell though.

You both listen to each other when you have problems. He appreciates it.

Mental health days :>

Yall call on them when you need it. Will cancel any plans happening or going to happen. The other brothers understand and will leave yall alone.

After Mikey interrupted one and got a mouth full.

He loves you dearly and is happy to have you.

Donatello ->

You got special treatment april gets in canon. But like a lot more toned down (rewatching 2012 and I question my sanity each time we get some apriltello-)

You get early access vip treatment with new inventions!! You get subjected to his rambles about inventions, fandom fun facts, just his ramblings in general.

Donnie would research into all the stuff you like to get a bunch if fun facts to try and impress you.

If you’re like April and join in the fight, he’s protective of you. Or well in general. But not to a degree is like really over protective, like he knows you can hold your own but he’s always watching your back whenever enemies get to close.

Makes you things, especially if they’re useful or related to your interests.

I don’t think he notices much the way his brothers act, but he might catch on quicker to others and get a bit jealous.

Always trying to include you in his work, whether it’s studying something or an experiment. Well the non dangerous ones. He cares to much for your safety.

He would take you out on rides in the shellraiser if you ask or convince him enough.

(He will not admit it but he has a lot of fun when you do, relaxing a lot more.

The real simp of the family. Little giddy over anything you do to help him around in his lab or just in general.

Yall don’t cuddle 1 on 1 often, he’s too busy in his lab or out on missions. But on the times you do manage to pull him away from his work!

You are big spoon. Also frequently cuddle in chairs.

And he somehow finds a way to bypass the cuddle excuse and do both! D:<

But y’a know you can be prettyyyy distracting.

Physical affection is rare but always in big quantities when it happens.

Like he can be clingy when he’s not working and likes to hold your hand when he can.

Shellraiser rides and sneaking out are more frequent than before.

He does a grasp of romantic things. But theirs always a twist to em that just makes em Donnie.

He’d also fix things for you if you ask (or if you didn’t and he just knew.)

A worry wart, but also protective. And that goes for all of them. Sometimes it can be a bit much but they just don’t wanna see you hurt.

Other then gift giving acts if service is his love language.

Big on parallel play. Just hanging out in the same room doing your own thing.

Will partake in your hobbies and interests to get a better understanding of it. there’s a 75% chance he gets really invested (if he hasn’t already from trying to impress you with his knowledge.

Also mostly in house dates, buttt he’ll take you to Mr. Murakami’s too.

Also takes you on stargazing dating on the shellraiser. And nighttime rides through the city.

Jealousy is not directed at his brothers, can’t be. But Casey? He will, 100%

First to notice you’re getting sick.

Calls you out and like Leo, he’s also one to make sure you don’t do anything you’re supposed to.

But unlike Leo he isn’t by your side he just makes sure you take all your meds, etc. He repeats facts to you about.

You said ‘I love you’ first to him.

But it can go the other way where he says ‘I love you’ first.

Sometimes things go a little fast then immediately slow down because he’s nervous.

But he’s very thankful that he can call you his lab partner.

Michelangelo ->

In away he tries to show off too, in a way he makes you things, in a way he just he’s his regular old goofy self we all love.

Skateboarding tricks done, even the hardest ones to learn. Mikey tries to come up with a skateboard trick to name after you even if it already exists you don’t say anything.

Will (attempt) making you anything you want to eat.

Especially your favorite foods!

Oh and if you have a dish from your culture that is your childhood favorite. You teach him it and it’ll be one of the things he remembers by heart.

He tells and comes up with jokes just for you. Laughing at them because he saves his funniest ones for you.

He does not see himself being different or weird. He’s just unapologetically Mikey and we love him for that. Calls out his brothers on it but them just being the brothers they are and gang up on him bout it.

Finds out what jokes you like and tells those like 99% of the time.

Really affectionate but like he’s always like that.

He would totally make you both costumes of your favorite show, yes I imagine he a very good designer with the right materials.

Idk much in what to add besides Mikey is literally just himself (except x10).

The frequent cuddler, yall cuddle just about anywhere and everywhere.

It’s just been accepted that 99% of the time if you aren’t on his brothers time then you and Mikey are cuddling.

Very excitable and loves hearing about your day.

Very creative dates, arts and crafts, he’ll cook something and play it as a fancy restaurant (he absolutely does it when his brothers ask because he enjoys it.) You both probably go on walks around the sewer and graffiti things! or he graffiti’s things while you watch.

Pulls pranks on you lovingly, just cause you’re dating doesn’t mean he won’t.

Oh but you both absolutely pull pranks on his brothers though.

Just be ready to run and hide.

He likes gifting you art pieces.

Likes herring what his brothers do for you! Gives him ideas that he can make in to his own.

For better or for worse.

Doesn’t like when your sick, gets worried but brings you things to try and cheer you up. You appreciate the laughs and giggles.

He says ‘I love you’ first.

You both go at a comfortable pace just doing what yall do, hugging, kissing (which he loves pecking your face btw,) etc.

He says you’re the best partner ever, and he means it.

[mannaima]

Literally literally literally just Joel and like desperate sex. Like he is crushing you (Me? All of us? Idk) trying to hold you closer and drive himself in deeper. I’ll die. I’ll die.

Hold me close.

Summary: An odd friendship turned into something deeper…

Warnings: NSFW, smut, female! reader, dub-con(ish)(reader is just a little unsure at first but def has some horniness for joel), age gap (reader is mid20s, Joel is mid 50s) L-bombs being dropped, general pervy vibes from Joel, Joels a little ooc (much friendlier…)

Word count: 4.1K

Authors note: hhhhhhh thinking of a clingy sex depraved Joel is giving me like. Brain rot. SO so hot.

Your eyes fluttered open, waking up in a small dingy bed in a semi-clean place you called home. You never truly felt like it was home, just a place to sleep in and avoid the terrible people. You admit, you were dramatic, but after too many encounters with sickos who befriended you, only to steal what little you had on your back, maybe you had a reason too. You took a glance at yourself in the mirror. What was to be said about the life you lived? Wake up, work an odd job, come home, and sleep. You didn’t even have the solace of a stiff drink after a hard day of labor, no, long gone were the days of luxuries such as that. You could spend two days of ration cards on a ciggie, but you’d be left starving with a short-lived relief from life. You just sighed, and brought yourself to your small collection of clothing.

You moved in auto-pilot, hovering from place to place in your home, nothing ever changed. Slipping on the final piece of your “uniform,” as you liked to call it, you walked out the door into the outside world. It was gloomy, it usually was, but that was all you had to say about the world beyond your empty walls. You didn’t care what job you got, just the one that paid the highest. After lining up among the bodies of soulless wage slaves you paid no mind to, you finally received your assignment. Body burning. Despite the persona you had made of yourself, you still cried after seeing the bodies of the lifeless. Potential. Just gone. You walked to the job site. 

Watching your feet hit the gravel in a pattern, you suddenly felt yourself stopped, you had bumped into something, or rather- someone.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Your voice was meek, unaware of the danger that lay in front of you. Could be a crazy person looking for a problem, or someone on a power trip. The universe was merciful to you today.

“It’s alright.” A deep voice with a slight southern drawl, you had looked up for a second, but all you saw was the back of a much larger man, he paid no mind to you. You sighed under your breath, in relief, and moved around him, just to avoid another mishap. The “conversation,” if one could call it that, was already doing a strain on your head.

--------

The job site was filled with people, all with an emotionless expression. Work just wasn’t anything to smile about. Especially the matter you were dealing with. You had to ‘partner’ up with someone essentially, both taking out bodies to put into the pit of fire. As the trucks of bodies arrived, a man stood next to you, signaling you two were together. You looked at him. Same color shirt as the man who you bumped into. Same height. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. Thoughts swirled in your head, you hoped he didn’t recognize you. Of course he wouldn’t, he didn’t even look back at you!

Putting the bodies in the pit was no easy task, it took a heavy amount of strength, which you were thankful to have. Despite helping each other throw the bodies, you shared no words with each other, for hours. Body after body, the work didn’t seem to stop, sweat began to bead upon your forehead.

“Here.” The man sharing the truck with you held out a handkerchief. Despite his semi-dirty appearance, the rag was decently clean. You took his peace offering, and gave him a nod, and wiped your forehead with it, allowing you to feel much cleaner than before. You held it back out for him to take, but he shook his head.

“Keep it.” Again, you nodded. But a voice in your head told you to thank him properly, you were quiet, but you weren’t a bitch.

“Thank you.” Now it was his turn to nod at you, and you both continued your work. But this time, after maybe a few minutes, you decided to talk to him again. You just wanted to be polite, is all.

“I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.” You internally scoffed, working for over a few hours and you barely got to even greet one another.

“Joel. You as well.” You gave him a small smile while lunging the body into the flames. He gave you a look for a second, before sharing the sentiment, just barely.

“For such a small girl, you’re doing such a difficult job.”

“Well, we all have our strengths. I just happen to be blessed with a dad that made me do push ups at age four.” You let out a small giggle, to which he gave you a chuckle.

“Really? Well I guess those paid off, you’re doing better than my last partner.” You let out another small laugh, followed by a meek ‘thank you.’ A booming voice had let you know that the job was done, which meant you had to go collect your ration cards. Wiping your hands on your jeans, you walked over to the line of people. Joel had followed you on your tail.

“Got any plans tonight?” Joel stood right next to you in line, you felt so small compared to him. You awkwardly shook your head no, looking right into his eyes. 

“Just another day of work and sleep.” He hummed at this, and you felt the tension in the air in the silent minutes you waited. Receiving your ration cards, you finally trailed back to your so-called home. You decided you needed some food in your stomach, so you trailed around the market, hoping for something to catch your eye.

“Thought you didn’t have any plans.” A deep voice came from your left, and your eyes trailed up the large man.

“Got hungry. Sorry.”

“Don't apologize.” Nodding at him, you continued to look around for food, and you finally decided. Joel was still at your side, it was slightly creepy, the way he just peered at you. You had assumed a man like him probably had a wife, but now, not so much.

“Can I help you with anything?” You tried to make that sound as polite as possible, not wanting to hurt the sweet yet slightly scary man. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself.

“No.” And with that, he turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction. You were confused, nevertheless you still tracked your way home, you just wanted some calmness before you slept. Tommorows another day.

--------

You got as much sleep as one could in these conditions, but yet, you felt unnerved by some unforeseen force. You brushed it off, you blamed it on just missing life before it all. Sighing, you began your routine once more. This time, however, you took notice of Joel’s handkerchief he had given you. You smiled a bit, before placing it around your head as you would a sweatband. You felt a small semblance of normality, maybe even a little bit more confidence. You shrugged at your reflection, and walked out into the world once more. You took no more than a few steps before you saw a familiar face. Despite your brain saying no, you decided, why not give people another chance?

“Hi Joel. Funny seeing you.” You said, walking up next to him.

“Likewise. Like the hair thing going on.” He pointed to your makeshift headband, to which you gave a small grin.

“I have you to thank for this.” As you reached job assignments, you engaged in more small talk. You mostly talked about how life treated you currently, and that subject dried up quickly. After receiving the same job assignment, you both walked to the site once more.

“So, any friends worth chatting about.” He was such an old guy, you still appreciated the sentiment with trying to stay “hip.”

“Ah. No, sadly. Too many people fucked me over, friends are a luxury in this life.” Your arms lugged over the body into the pit.

“Oh trust me, I know all about that. But you’re so young, you should be making experiences, lord knows I needed those in my youth.” You let out a small ‘ha,’ amused by his words.

“I wish it was that easy. But I kind of enjoy the quiet life of being a loner. Having no friends is too peaceful to give up.” Another dropped body.

“That's not completely true,” You looked up to see him staring at you.

“You got one right here.” He gave you a small grin.

------

And a friend he was. For the past few weeks, he always checked up on you, asking if you slept well, you ate well, and if you were ready to work. You both got the same job assignments, and depending on the job, you both talked throughout the entire shift. Finally happy to have a genuine friend, someone who was scary yet kind in moments. His stoic face brought a shiver down your spine, but it seemed like he always had a small smile while talking to you. Your friendship lasted within the work days, as you both parted ways after your shift was over, thankfully for you. You enjoyed your peace, which he gladly understood, though not today.

“Hey, Y/N?” You looked at him, mid drink of your canteen or whatever, you nodded in acknowledgement.

“Wanna come over tonight?” Simple and blunt, no offer of dinner, cigarettes or whatever moonshine brew people made these days. Just a simple offer to hang out. You smiled, it felt real, it made you trust him just a little bit more. 

“Yeah. I’d like that.” What was one night with a friend instead of rotting in your room. It couldn’t be that bad, right?

-----

Work was over as quick as it began, allowing you and Joel to walk to his home before the sun had set. He led the way, talking of ‘business’ being spewed, but you didn’t really pay mind to it. 

“Well. Home sweet home.” You took in the room around you. It was nothing special. Similar to yours, but slightly bigger and more lived in. It felt good to have a little change in your life.

“Nice.” The air smelt of him, manly and comforting. He sat you down on the edge of his bed, despite the table in the corner, but you assumed he wanted to sit on something soft after a long day of work. He sat next to you.

“You know, it surprised me when you said you didn’t have friends, surely someone as beautiful as you would have made a couple peers.” You froze at the word ‘beautiful.’ He had never complimented your looks before, and you didn’t know whether to blush or cringe, but you remembered this man had more than twenty years on you, surely he meant it in a way you would call a stranger pretty.

“Well, I did have a few. They just didn’t turn out well.”

“How so?” He questioned, moving slightly closer.

“Well, I had joined a group of people around my age, all super chill but seemed more interested in spending all their ration cards on pills and cigs,” His eyes flashed away for a second, but turned back to you “One day two girls invited me to a hang out session between all of us, but when I approached the meeting spot, they jumped me. Stole everything I had on my person, including a necklace that my father gave me. Gave me a black eye and a busted lip. Fought like hell tho, it wasn't fair they had a knife.” You gave a small chuckle, thinking about the whole ordeal again. A few moments of silence lingered in the air.

“I’m. I’m sorry for prying.” You shook your hands at him, face panicked.

“No, no, no! Sorry, I got all deep for no reason. Don’t apologize.” He gave you a look, another look like he wanted to say so much, but he didn’t. He let the room stay silent before putting his hand on your thigh.

“I’m sorry. Just know I would never treat you like that, sweetheart.” His thumb slowly rubbed against your thigh, your eyes nervously staring at him. He quickly removed his hand and began talking about the fights he used to get in ‘at his youth’ which didn’t fail to make you laugh. Despite the age gap between you two, you felt so comfortable in talking to him like a gossiping girl with her girlfriends.

-----

Hours had passed, the laughter of both of yours filling the room. Your life was depressing, but Joel managed to be a small glimmer in your dark life. You looked outside, it was pitch black now, which made a realization dawn upon you.

“Oh no. It’s past curfew.” A quick check at a wall clock confirmed this, which made you groan. 

“Ah, I’m so sorry. I should’ve reminded you.” He patted your back as you hunched over, your hands covering your cheeks.

“No, it’s my fault. I should’ve been more responsible and kept track. I don’t suppose I could trouble you to sleep here?” You glanced up at him, his arm still around you, rubbing circles into your back.

“Of course, I wouldn’t just let you go back out there to fend for yourself.” You smiled at his kindness.

“Do you want to change? Or- Uh. I think I have a t-shirt in here somewhere…” He shot up from his spot on the bed to rummage around his drawers, and he pulled out a tee, perfect size for him, large for you. You thanked him and you walked to the bathroom to change.

You realized the shirt went down past your thighs, which meant pants weren’t necessary. I mean, you didn’t think it was so wrong to just wear panties under the shirt. What did he expect, giving you nothing but a shirt? It was like a night gown at this point, so you didn’t mind. You folded your clothing and walked back into his bedroom. He looked at you with a small change in his expression, his eyes slightly wider. 

“I’ll um, set up the floor for me.” He began to move a blanket off the bed. You shook your head at him.

“No, Joel! You’ve already allowed me to sleep over, I can’t make you sleep on the floor in your own home. I’ll take the floor.” 

“I can’t do that to a lady, it’s no trouble at all sweetie.” You stood your ground and refused to let him take a pillow from his bed.

“Well I guess we’ll share the bed.” He said, as a matter of fact. You didn’t really think this through, but you nodded, you needed the warmth anyways. It was late and the air was crisp, even inside. You gulped as you settled into bed, Joel leaving to go change in the bathroom as well. Your eyes nervously darted around the room when he came out wearing nothing but a pair of sleep pants, no shirt at all. Despite being much older, he was still very fit and toned. It made your cheeks hot at how well he looked. But you shook your head, he was just a friend. A sweet friend. You can’t think of him like that.

“Well, I guess this is goodnight.” You were so in your head that you barely realized he had already gotten under the sheets next to you, inches away from each other's bodies. You nodded and looked at him, his face barely lit by the small light coming from the outside, his usually sharp features became much softer in the dim lighting. 

“Goodnight Joel, thank you again.” Your voice was barely a whisper, your body snuggling under the warm sheets, shifting to face away from him. Your eyes began to feel heavy as you drifted off to dreamland, your mind going blank.

------

Your eyes shot open, it was still dark in the room however, meaning dawn had not come yet. Your mouth dry and your body heavy, you felt very off, but nothing that would awaken you from your slumber, what made you wake-

“Oh fuck…” You heard a quiet yet deep groan behind you, right behind your head. You froze, unsure whether to move or not. It only took a few seconds to realize the warmth near your pussy, how had you not felt it earlier?! Your eyes were wide as you felt a warm length press between the fat of your thighs, back and forth in a slow thrusting movement. He was fucking your thighs. 

“Mmmmm fuck.” Another groan, this time he seemed to try and quiet himself down, his cock still being pushed between your legs, the occasional shock went through your body as you felt him rub against your pussy. You were unsure what to do about this, you definitely couldn’t just fall back asleep, and you weren’t sure how to deal with the awkwardness of moving away from him. You kept as still as you could, trying to keep your breathing regulated.

His hands suddenly snaked his way to your hips, a firm grip was attached to them as he thrusted between your thighs much harder. He once again groaned, but this time it was followed by small whimpers, a likely attempt to keep himself quiet. You then felt hairs poking your neck, his stubble rubbing against you as he buried his face into the nape of your neck. He had to have known you were awake at this point, his cock was rubbing against you at a much faster pace now. You had no idea what to do, so you just swallowed your nervousness and went with your gut.

“J-Joel? What are you doing?” He froze at your words, immediately stopping his thrusts against you. You heard an audible gulp, his warm hands not moving an inch however. He said nothing, for a few minutes or seconds, you couldn’t tell, the awkward feeling making time stop almost. As you were about to shift away, he grabbed your shoulder and pressed you down, your back bare on the mattress. He was hovering over you now, you could see the desperation in his eyes, his chest moving up and down with his heavy breathing. You didn’t know what to do, you just stared at him with glossy eyes. The tension was broken by his sudden movements to place a rough kiss upon your lips. His tongue slipped in as your mouth was wide open from shock, his hands cupping your cheek. The heat you felt coming off him was like no other, and his tongue roughly moved around yours, a small whimper being moaned out by you, due to the man handling.

“You’re so beautiful. I can’t get enough of you…” He pulled away momentarily to begin kissing upon your neck, your eyes rolling back.

“Joel… S-stop…” You moaned out, your hands pushing against his bare chest.

“You don’t mean that sweetheart.” He said, matter of factly, his deep voice making your knees weak. You shook your head, but his tongue working against your neck made you so vulnerable, you couldn’t resist him.

“J-Joel, no, please. We can’t- I can’t.” You begged against him, but he ignored you and continued to grope your body while licking upon your neck. You felt so hot, his hands were so large against your body, you wanted to resist but your body couldn’t. He sat up, his whole body on display for you, and as your eyes trailed down his toned body, you couldn’t help but notice the large bulge in his sweatpants.

“See what you do to me sweetheart? This is all because of you.” His large hands moved it over the pants, making you whimper, the sheer size of it was eye widening. He pulled the pants slightly down, revealing it in all its glory. It bounced up, and it began to leak precum as it twitched.

“Come here.” He pulled your leg, allowing them to be around his own, his cock lined over your pussy, the size of it reaching past your belly button, you gulped. He slapped it a few times over your lower belly, which made you whimper. He slowly pulled down your panties, throwing it to the side once they were off.

“You’re so fucking cute. You don’t know how long I wanted to have this, baby.” His voice was filled with desperation, and he held your hips as he positioned himself at the entrance. He slowly pushed himself in, the tightness gripping him, pain surging through you.

“W-wait. Joel-” He suddenly pushed into you all at once, a loud scream being let through you, to which he quickly covered your mouth with his hand. He held your waist and lifted you up, forcing you to slump over his chest. You whimpered under his hand, the pain of his cock made you feel like you were being ripped open. He suddenly began to bounce you on him, muffled moans and pained groans of yours filling his ears. He was so strong, lifting up your body weight with one hand, allowing your pussy to engulf his cock with such a grip. His throat was letting out groans, his eyes so focused on your tits bouncing through the t-shirt.

“You gonna be a good girl for me?” You nodded, your eyes lidded as he slowly began to move his hand away from your lips, a trail of drool following it. 

“That’s it. Take it baby.” Both his hands were now guiding you against his length, making you moan into the cold room, pleasure overcoming the pain. You felt euphoric, you haven’t had pleasure like this in so long– maybe even ever. His arms began to snake around you, wrapping around your whole body as he basically hugged you, allowing him to better thrust you into his cock. He pushed you up and down faster and faster– until you could barely take it.

“Joel. J-Joel! Slow down a bit please-” You let out a loud moan, he kept squeezing you against his chest as he thrust into you, he then pushed you on the sheets and kept you in his embrace.

“Sorry love, I just can’t get enough of you. I fuckin’ love the way you feel around me.” He breathed into your neck as he jackhammered you, the bed creaking with the harsh movement of his hips. The mixture of both your moans, he definitely wasn’t afraid to show how much you made him lose control, his hands squeezing you close to his chest, your eyes staring into each other.

“I love you so fucking much sweetheart.” You were shocked, but the build up of pleasure was too much for your brain to handle, you didn’t even give another thought to your next words.

“I love you too Joel.” You said between moans and deep breaths– it wasn’t long before you felt so close to the edge. You muttered small ‘fuck’s and ‘i love you’s as you came around him, your moans being muffled by his lips on yours, his hips suddenly stopping as he pulled out and came on your stomach. He groaned as each drop of cum left his cock, the constant twitching aligning with his soft groans. You opened your eyes as both of your orgasms had gone, his eyes slowly opening as well, his lips slowly leaving yours. You both stayed in this position, his body draped over yours, eyes staring at one other with so much love.

After a few minutes of this, he leaned over to pick up a small rag to wipe your stomach. You let out a giggle, the feeling of it rubbing against it was very ticklish. He kept looking at you, with that look on his face that he gave you when he wanted to say something. You decided to break the ice.

“Something on your mind Joel?” You sat up and leaned your head against his sweaty chest.

“Did. Did you really mean what you said? You know…” He was nervous, you wanted to laugh a little. How could a man who killed people and looked like he hated the world, be so nervous around someone like you. You nodded your head.

“Of course Joel.”

[bucknastysbabe]

imagine how insufferable criston would be if his so was pregnant. she cant do anything. and he would be like maybe we should get married and she would be like why??? and he would be like we are having a baby and she would be like i dont think we should get married just bc we are having a baby??? and he would cry for a week. i like when pretty men suffer

On god he would be so annoying but also I’m just having thots about it and they’ve been multiplying in my head like bacteria. ✨Pretty men suffering✨

First of all he’s even more possessive bc not only you’re his but you’re carrying his baby

Like gotdamn can’t even walk down the street without Criston putting his arm around you or having a hand on the small of your back and could HE STOP KISSING YOUR CHEEK WE GET IT

So then comes the whining about getting married. He simply doesn’t get coexisting without a ring and you taking his last name. Criston def gets teary when you’re like no???? Like y’all already live together, sleep in the same bed, and you’re literally having criss priss baby

“I don’t understand, don’t you want a big ring, a dress? We never got a honeymoon.” You have to remind him that honeymoon ain’t happening when there’s a baby to be taken care of!!

He’s def audibly sighing and huffing when he’s denied, again. Probably sobs in the shower bc the delusions are being CRUSHED

You think he’s kinda cute with red eyes and nose, his lips swollen. So Criston can get a pity blowie but first he has to be a mother hen and make sure you have a pillow on your knees and are comfy. He’s adorable when he whines and trembles from your mouth.

Sometimes you have to slap him a little when he’s following you around the house just MaKiNg SuRe you’re okay. Literally you just want a bagel.

As you move along in the pregnancy babes gets A Little Feral. I lied he’s insatiable. The man loves your curves and baby weight, not to mention how big your tits are getting. God forbid you’re just standing around doing something because if Criston is around he’s coming up from behind, making a comment about how pretty you are all bred up with his baby.

That also means constant groping— he can’t keep his hands off of you. Especially when Criston’s fucking you on all fours, hand possessively splayed across your rounded belly. He’s practically growling, “Look so fucking good for me, bred you up good didn’t I? When you pop out our baby m’gonna put a ring on your finger and fuck another one in you.” Which you cum quite dramatically at that, his sheer desperation is hot, and his cock is nice. Criston’s a sexy man. Delusional, but sexy.

The marriage talk is brought up again…post-coital bliss? Not in that house. Criston’s pouting, face shoved into your tits. He grumbles, “You’ll get it sooner or later. I’m going to marry you.”

“Yep baby, alright.” *cue more shower crying*

Also he’s ecstatic whether it’s a boy or girl like he’s just happy to be daddy cole🥰

Oh god when your milk comes in Criston is your personal fucking pump. He doesn’t think it’s funny when you ask him if he really likes milking cows this much. Your man is dead serious, “You’re not a cow. You’re perfect and pregnant and a goddess.” Okay go off king

But fr the fucking ramps up to a 10 in the third trimester that man is HORNY!!!!! He got in some trouble with you just mindlessly grabbing your ass at the grocery store. Dumbass had to walk around with a boner in the Walmart baby section

The day you go into labor he’s in full action mode. A true king. Look at him in he scrubs. He’s probably ugly sobbing when you’re holding the babe for the first time. It’s okay though you’re ugly sobbing too. Then the baby is ugly sobbing. Happily ever after😌

No you’re still not marrying his dumbass either

[ysljoon]

konig is your roommate

wc: 995 warnings: none just fluff, quick mentions of crying, fem reader (not much metions of female characteristics) a/n: oh lord my first contribution to the cod fandom after consuming brainrot on here and tiktok for the past couple of months :3 i can def do a pt 2 to this with smut but i just wanted to dip my toes in first and see if anybody even likes this lmao MINORS DNI (have your age in your bio or you're getting blocked)

How you ended up with a man in his mid 30s that’s retired from the military as a roommate is beyond you

You were a broke teacher living paycheck to paycheck and you needed to find a way to conserve costs

You posted a Craigslist posting (definitely not shady at all) looking for a roommate and he messaged you within the first hour of you posting to see if he could check the place out!

It was mildly jarring seeing a 6’10 man in a black surgical mask show up ringing your doorbell. You couldn’t even see above his chest when you looked through the peephole 

He was so quiet when you first tried to spark up a conversation with him that you thought he hated your apartment and maybe even you…

Before he even finished his tour of the apartment he took out an envelope of cash from his pocket that had enough to cover the first three months of rent :0

He moved in all of his belongings the following week while texting you a few times leading up to his move in date just confirming what time he’ll be showing up and if you’re still okay with the agreement

He was equally dry over text as he was in person it was a hard obstacle to jump over to get him to open up with you

The first time he actually started a conversation with you was when he saw you diligently working in the living room on a lesson plan for the upcoming week

At first he just sat down on the couch silently from you just watching you and this didn’t bother you as you’ve come to learn that he is more of an observer than a talker

“Um…what are you working on?” 

Your head shot up and a smile spread on your face this was the first time Konig has expressed any interest in your career

“I’m cutting out flashcards I made for the kids so they can match the words to the pictures! I just procrastinated a little bit so I’m doing it all now.” You chuckled and he hummed in acknowledgement 

After that conversation the interactions over the months got a lot more comfortable 

So here we are now (it’s been about 5 months) and you and Konig are having your weekly movie and pizza night

You let Konig pick the movie this week and you were quite surprised that he chose ‘Inside Out’

Seeing such a large man engrossed in such a cute animated movie made your cheeks hurt with how it made you smile

He was quite surprised when he turned around and saw tears running down your cheeks after watching the scene of Bing Bong die

His eyes widened and without thinking he scooped you up into a hug while you let out all the sad feelings from the characters sacrifice

“Gosh Konig I’m so sorry! That was really silly. I shouldn't be crying so hard over a kid’s movie.”

You looked up at him and your eyes met with his cerulean ones. They had such a tender look to them and it made you and the room feel a lot hotter than what you remember 

With a haste Konig pulled down his mask and placed a chaste kiss on your cheek 

Needless to say you guys just stared at each other like this: :000 for about a minute before either of you said anything

You were the first one to speak up

“Konig, that was the cutest thing you’ve ever done.”

He just blushed and broke the eye contact and coughed to try and clear his throat

“I, u-um I wanted to do that for a while actually.”

Hearing him say this made you giggle and to reciprocate the feelings  you’ve also been holding on to you placed a peck onto his forehead.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while too so now we’re even! The ball’s in your court now Konig, do with that info what you will.”

You pranced off into your room and giggled while Konig was stuck on the couch just absolutely stunned as to what happened.

The next day you wake up and see a note that was slipped under your door. You open it up and it brings a warm smile to your face

‘Dinner at my place tonight! Wear something nice ;)’ You giggled knowing that Konig wasn’t the biggest fan of being in crowded places so a dinner at home was a perfect plan

You noticed Konig wasn’t home so you decided to go to the grocery store really quick and pick up two bottles of white wine for the night

Once you were back at the house you heard Konig was in the shower so you decided to go take a shower yourself and get yourself ready.

You decided to go the full nine yards and put on a red velvet mini dress and do your hair 

When you stepped out you saw Konig already at the stove getting dinner ready. You snuck up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist 

“Whatcha cookin’?” Your voice was muffled into his back and you felt the vibrations of his chuckle

“It's a surprise schatz so go sit in the living room till I’m done”

“What’s a schatz?” All he did was laugh at your response and usher you out the kitchen

You sat in the living room with a pout on your face until you heard Konig call your name to let you come back into the kitchen

Your mouth watered seeing the chicken parmesan dished out and two poured out glasses of wine

“Oh Konig, this is great!” You stood on your tippy toes to give him a kiss of gratefulness

“Careful Y/N if you keep kissing me like that we’ll never get to dinner…” The sound of his voice was deep and a bit gruff

“And is that really a problem?”

[the-anime-enthusiast]

today is Iida's birthday !!!! maybe some drabbles/headcannons about what it would be like to celebrate with him :3?

TENYAS BDAY‼️‼️

headcannons and drabbles 😜

for everyone else who has requested stuff and I haven't replied, I'm so sorry 😭 I just moved 4 states away from home by myself and I've been busy ASFFF but I'm finally starting to get some free time again so pls be patient with me, I appreciate it 🙏

GIFT IDEAS 🎁

Okay so this first one is oddly specific, but every time I go on my own personal Tenya Iida bend, I alwaaayyyss think of this. My fav "perfect gift for him" idea is a pair of glasses (stick with my now), but not just any pair, a pair with his hero name

"Ingenium"

engraved in the side‼️ It may seem kinda dumb cause hes got like, idk a bagillion pairs of glasses, but these are perfect for special occasions and we all know he prefers the finer things in life so I think he's love this 😌😌 (possibly sheds tears bc he loves his brother like it's nobody's business and he feels the weight of this gift in his soul, ong)

My favorite gag gift ideas all come down to one thing, oranges. (ifykyk but de I will still explain) So, as a lot of Tenya fans know, his quirk uses oranges/orange juice as the fuel for his engines (no I'm not lying, it's random ik, his family has so many random traditions and small details thrown into the show, I love them sm 💞)

Like many people, I love gag gifts, and I would have a field day with this. I'm talking sunglasses shaped like oranges, bottles upon bottles of assorted orange juice, Sunny D merch, the whole nine yards. While this HC is made to be a gag gift, I think he would actually lose his shit over this, like best gift he's ever received type shit. He'd keep a specific shelf on his bookshelf for all things orange you get him (like a shrine or sm shi 💀) It def weirds ppl out when they don't know the story behind the shelf, but he loves it 😌👍

Another gag gift idea I love 😋 (okay so rq)

fun fact Abt me: I'm in mechanics and I js know bro would eat up auto mechanics related gag gifts Soo much 😭😭

Like cleaner for his mufflers, car oil (strictly for shits and giggles) js dumb shit like that 😭 Again, definitely has a stash/shrine for all this stuff, everytime you tell him he can get rid of it

"it was just a joke tenya, you know you don't have to keep it right?"

"well dear, it could come in handy one day! You never know ☺️"

Spending the Day Together 💞

Bros prim and proper, if your lucky, you wake up before him. It's no secret that appreciates the finer things in life (and the small things, atp he appreciates literally everything. Tenya is an angel sent from heaven and don't you forget it ✋) But if you decide to wake this man up to some bomb ass breakfast, I'm talking bacon, eggs, possibly pancakes, and ofc a big ass glass of orange juice he WILL tear up. I know deep in my soul he's an emotional (or at least dramatic) gift reciever.

I feel like his birthday would actually be a pretty average day, other than the morning and night. He ofc wants to have breakfast with you, whether it's cooking or the two of you going out, but he makes a NIIGHT out of his birthday. Y'all are doing it all don't even play ✋ Anything he could think of that you would also enjoy, is going on the list. (ofc there's a list, this is Teny Iida were talking Abt 🙄🙄)

There happens to be a festival near by? ✅

Oh your in a town known for it's street foods? Take a wild guess where your going. ✅

Open Business Shack street strip? You're walking that thing about 50 times. ✅

Art Museums. Movies. Live Music. Wining and Dining. Walks in a Park. Walks on the beach. Hero conventions. Literally any event near or on his birthday y'all are going to. You can try to plan all you want for him but he's got things mapped out before you ever thought possible. Something to be grateful for though, he doesn't mind it. He doesn't mind planning all of these things for HIS birthday because making you happy in the process is more than enough for him to get by (selfless baddie).

At the End of the Day 🌆

As much as I'd like to think, and we'd all like to think, that Tenya gets in a good amount of alone time with you at the end of his birthday, it just doesn't happen (ikik trust the process 😔)

After a long day of walking around the town, eating great food, spending way to much money on entrance fees to museums, gift shops, and that great food I mentioned, bros pooped (sry guys I'm js a girl and idk how else to word that with equal humor to that phrase 😔)

The second you walk through that door bags are crashing into the ground, shoes are being thrown across the room (not rly tho cuz u leave ur shoes by the front door 👍), clothes are being scattered across the living and bedroom. All bro wants to do is crash into his bed. He barely has time to out his night cap on 😔😔

It's slightly mundane but sweet because trust me ✋ After a day like the one he has planned y'all's bed sounds like heaven. I mean you can swear you hear the angels themselves singing to you once y'all slink into bed together, and honestly he wouldn't have it any other way. Spending an amazing day with his amazing partner, then getting into an even more amazing bed with said partner at the end of his lil adventure 💞

this is kinda on the short side, but it's late ash where I'm at and I'm tired asff BUT I FINALLY WROTE SMT AGAIN 😍😍 (praise God life was getting so boring) I hope y'all enjoy! I haven't been an iida girlie for awhile now but y'all are bringing it back 😜 (not to mention that one scene from the anime where it's class 1-A vs Deku and bros looking extra yummy) (slay) (pls don't come for me I'm 18 and have been watching this show since I was 12)(I'm also asexual so I'm not being weird I swear)(ik some of my reposts say otherwise but guys good writing is good writing what can I say 😭🙏)

Hope y'all have a wonderful night!

Lots of love 💞

BYYYEE ‼️‼️

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Open requests yaaaaay!!

I feel like my request is too detailed, feel free to ignore it if it's hard for you to do so ♡

I would like to request something from tmc. As a reader who practices any sport (boxing or karate. Whatever is good.) and see the reaction of the 4 victims to this (Cesar, Mark, Adam and Jonah)

Something like, their reaction to watching their partner train or seeing how they practice it.

That would be all. Have a nice day <3

(I'm sorry if my english is really bad or something I said was misunderstood. I am using translator to write this. Really, my apologies.)

Oh no worries, your english is good! I'll do boxing for two of the fellas & karate for the other two

......

Cesar

You're at the top of your karate class, and he's proud of you fr.

Cheers you on at matches, tournaments, or even if you're just training at home in your personal dojo.

But at the same time, he gets worried whenever he sees you with a new and fresh bruise, being a very doting bf.

You just brush it off as something you did to yourself on accident.

Because you know he'll try to beat up whoever did that even tho he's nowhere near as strong as you.

His mom has plenty of medical supplies and ice packs at their home, so he always has them on-hand so you never run out.

Fortunately, you two have good reputations so neither of you have many enemies.

But if some jealous prick comes along (and they will when they see you hanging around Cesar) and harasses you two...you'll first ask them to politely leave.

If that fails or they get aggressive?

They'll leave with a black eye.

Prior to TVs being outlawed, Cesar watched Karate Kid and similar movies often to get a better understanding of your sport.

You admit to trying to learn a few moves from those films, but had yet to fully master them.

Mark

When he first learned you've practiced boxing on a daily basis, he's like "lord thank you for bringing someone who's not only sweet but also strong into my life,,,,love is real god bless-"

Tbh you don't think it's a big deal. You just like to punch things and win matches (and also protect those you loved, ofc).

Once you broke a bully's nose after they claimed you didn't "look" tough and tried to fight Mark.

He begged you to never do that again, but knows you can't make any promises.

Whenever you're training with your punching bag, he has to be careful not to accidentally sneak up on you..considering how quiet he usually is.

He's gotta make his presence known loud and clear if he wants your attention (lest he gets a broken nose, too).

After you chased an Alternate out of his house, he wonders what happened as he didn't hear any gunfire.

All you did was walk up to it and punch its jaw before jabbing it in the ribs, breaking its bones as it screamed in pain and shock, eventually running away.

Clearly, Alternates were at their strongest psychologically...not so much physically.

Your knuckles bled and bruised pretty badly, but Mark bandaged them and kissed them, thanking you nonstop for saving his life.

He murmurs prayers that your hands healed quickly, and you just smile, your love for this good man only growing.

Adam

You two are more or less polar opposites in terms of physique.

You're a boxer who has a (generally) good diet, and Adam's, well...a paranormal hunter who lives off of pizza and stale chips.

He's way out of shape and feels exhausted just from watching one of your matches alone, even if it's a video.

Eventually you suggest that he uses your punching bag to build up endurance (which he'll def need if he's running around chasing "ghosts").

However, it quickly becomes less of that and more of a release for his pent-up anger and frustrations.

Anything from a bad day at school to a rude comment calling his BPS footage "fake" will set him off; you'll hear him yelling and hitting the bag like no tomorrow.

He only stops when his knuckles bruise so badly he's in constant pain and you gotta bandage them, reminding him that he can't just wail on it nonstop without breaks.

He does admit to overdoing it, though, and lets you have it back.

Post-Catalyst, he retains some of the strength he's gained, but is deathly afraid of using the punching bag again.

His hands hurt the most when his bones broke for the first time, though as soon as he mentioned it, you bandaged them up despite it being pointless.

Tries his hardest to suppress his Alternate instincts, but he gives you full permission to beat him up if he did anything to hurt you.

Jonah

Was honestly a clueless mf before he realized you've been doing karate for years.

Apparently, he was convinced your black belt, Gi, tournament posters, and awards was just "sport merchandise".

But after all of that's clarified, he supports you 101 percent!

Tries attending the matches or tournaments you're in (luckily for you, he's willing to put those events above BPS missions), though half the time he's covering his eyes because he hates to see you get hurt.

He will, however, cheer the loudest should you win the round and brag about it to everyone he knows.

Lowkey wishes he can do all of those sick kicks and flips that you perform with ease, but remembers he'd probably pass out on the mat.

One time, he was stoned and insisted he could chop through the stack of wood you keep in your dojo, thinking it couldn't be that difficult.

Oh how wrong he was.

Next thing you knew, he's sobbing on the couch and you had to bandage his bruised hand, constantly reassuring him that his bones didn't shatter into a billion pieces.

It continued to be sore for the next several days, and you'd keep giving him that look of "I told you so" whenever he whined about it hurting.

[turrondeluxe]

How long do you think mikey stayed in dimension X?

(Personality, I think like a week/weeks, cuz no way it was just a few hours and he already knows so much about the demention)

(And, how does he get months and hours confused?)

(I don't personally think he's been there long as 2 years because that would really mess up a person)

(But if I see an angsty fanfic 🤨(suddenly I ignore everything I said, like 'yea he's been there for 73736383years now' ))

OH I LIKE THIS ASK

im with you on that one actually! i also think he just stayed there for a few weeks. def less than a month. because for someone like mikey, being by his own in an unknown place no matter if he was doing alright, it would still have messed him up of it got too long. he NEEDS interactions with sentient beings that would keep him company and engage with him (looks at mutagen bomb mad max apocalypse mikey). Tho! he would have understood how a lot of things worked around in that dimension just for being there a few hours tbh, taking into consideration that it's a hostile environment for literally anyone who's an outsider. With this i mean, mikey def was forced to be a quick leaner since the first second after stepping trough the portal. ( tho rn im not taking into account mikey being good with kraang tech in general because he just was good with it since the start of the show tbh. i think it has something to do with the brothers actually being related to the kraang because of the milking worm from where the mutagen came from and all but. thats a whole other can of worms to be opened lol)

Plus! the kraang base was not difficult to find at all so mikey probably spend most of his time just checking out the perimeter and a way to get in (this is from where he could have triggered some security stuff and got to fight the kraang that ended up as his skull helmet and limb accessories lmao). It actually even appears as if that's mikey first attempt at getting in to rescue leatherhead.

Also! when they got back for a bit, mikey was actually happy and excited to be back in dimension x! Meaning that he doesn't truly see that place in a bad light MEANING that he doesn't really hold a bad memory of it. MEANING that he didn't stay there by himself long enough for living more traumas in there lmao

About his time confusion, i actually tie that to his adhd because of my own experience with having adhd. The passing of time for me is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO KEEP A GRASP ON. By this i mean that it's really hard to tell hours/minutes have passed even when not hyperfixing on an activity, this also adds to mixing up days and weeks together. its hard man. ADDED TO ALL THIS, the fact that the dimension doesn't have an obvious sign of time passing (like day and night) would make mikey keeping up with it, while also just surviving, something of a nearly impossible task.

in conclusion

i still love when people headcanon mikey as staying there for literal years. i live for that angst. him eating kraang because of how hungry he got??? him getting captured by the kraang and getting tortured for months??? him getting to hate the pink color??? good stuff

[honkshoo-zzz]

How I see the Mercs within the LBGTQ+ Community

cause i keep seeing people posting things and EVERYONE KEEPS GETTING IT WRONG!! /j who cares i jus wanna make a funky list too

Scout: Def Bisexual, Trans ftm (can take or leave)

Probably has a preference for women

Probably doesn’t realize he likes men until he works with them 24/7 and all of his coworkers are hunky n sweaty and maybe a lil flirty

If trans, used Sex Bom tattoo to cover top surgery scars. Even though it’s definitely just worse than just having ts scars lmao

Soldier: Bisexual and Poly

I just love him dating Zhanna and Demo honestly

Fuck it, other mercs too, if they wanted

Tbh I also fuck with aro/ace vibes for him, he’s just kinda around for a good time with the homies in my mind. Both is good

I do see his preference being fairly equal though. Too busy thinking about his love for the US to think too much about tiddies/ass/etc.

Pyro: Def Ace, and either Aro or Lesbian in my mind. Also Nonbinary.

Either gender-fluid or just straight-up no gender enby. no in-between in my eyes.

I’m mostly all for Aro/Ace Pyro but I saw some Pyro x Ms. Pauling art and. love that. ugh, decisions…

Feel like they use whatever pronouns. Don’t gaf, will never gaf

Also no sex cause the suit just doesn’t come off. Also too busy setting shit on fire to care. More important shit to do.

Demoman: Pansexual and Poly

Again, dating Soldier who is also dating Zhanna

He’s also in a longterm relationship with Eyelander. Don’t ask too many questions about how that works though. But they are.

Also doesn’t have a gender-preference (obviously, he’s married to a sword). Semi-opportunistic in that sense, I guess (again he’s married to a sword. how many times do i gotta—)

Heavy: Bisexual, preference for Men

Idk man but Heavy and Medic have been married for a long time in my eyes

Also I feel like he participated in his sisters’ longing to “see another man” while living in Russia, had a similar reaction to meeting Medic upon taking the Merc job as Zhanna meeting Scout/Soldier

(For those who have yet to read the comics, that reaction basically just being: “you are man. I am horny. let’s bang.” and Medic would just be like o///o “aight” I think)

Biggest trans supporter tho, idk why but it just makes sense he would be the first to punch the teeth out a transphobe. Defends other mercs when confronted about gender shit 100%

Engineer: Bisexual, preferring Women; ftm Trans

The more top surgery art I see of him, the more I fall in love with trans Engie. It’s basically canon to me now. You can take this from my cold, dead hands.

Idk not much else to say. He’s a switch, though, if that adds much of anything HXSKFJEJX

No bottom surgery in my mind, either. Just makes his own straps n shit, cause he can (one of his 11 PhDs was in sex, actually, did you know?)

Medic: Gay, ftm Trans (again, can take or leave)

The most bottom-gay I’ve ever seen, personally (idk how else to phrase it, forgive me)

Again, I feel like he’s been married to Heavy for a long time

If trans, did his own top and bottom surgery, probably at the same time, cause he knew he could and he’s fucking insane (scars are a little wild as a result but he wears them with pride)

Sniper: Gay. das it HFSKFJEK

Gay, but the type of guy where you’d never know til his fuckin boyfriend walks out and kisses him or sum

Also he’s exclusively a top in my mind. Idk why but I feel like he’s got control issues HHEEKLEDP

Again, not super out-spoken about his sexuality, but *will* go out of his way to stab a homophobe. Not kill them from a distance, specifically stab. Shit’s more personal that way (is that too morbid? sorry)

Spy: Bisexual, Genderfluid

Another bottom, but will top if needed (like with most women, if he somehow gets with *another* bottom, etc.)

He’s also a whore. A slut, even. Good for him.

OH AND GENDERFLUID omg. Saw some stuff about that recently so it’s new to my pea brain but I like it.

Again, like Sniper, I feel like he wouldn’t really talk about his gender stuff a lot, but would discover this of himself when disguising himself as women and just feeling. Just as comfortable, if not more comfortable as them at times.

Kinda sensitive about it, though, probably. Will stab anyone who mentions it while he’s figuring it out. But gets better upon meeting the mercs and their gay-asses, lmao

“holy shit it’s not that crazy to like to have boobs sometimes” type-beat.

ok i’m done. again feel free to add stuff, fight me (like, as a bro), or whatever. Love talking about it cause I love these lil weirdos. Probably too much. oh well hdkafjejfk