#diary style | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doublegoblin · 1 year

Text

Memory Leak

Jan 1 2045

Dear Diary,

Hello Diary,

Good Morning Diary

Diary Entry 1,

Sorry to waste all this space diary

Screw it I’ll figure this out later. Hello me! Hope when you are reading this things are going good. Just in case you don’t remember (hopefully you fill this out every day but we both know the dumb bitch writing this) you got this journal to kind of keep track of your day to day life. Hurray for new year resolutions!!! So I know the question on your mind ( I mean in my mind right now) why all the different greetings? Well you pretentious bitch because you decided to “keep the integrity of your history” or some dumb shit like that ha ha. Not because you can’t find a pencil with a good enough eraser to not fuck up the paper ;P. So yeah happy journal keeping. This entry is such shit since you drug your ass out of bed at twelve fuckin A.M. and fuck all has happened so far. So sunshine is going back to bed. Fingers crossed for entry two 2. No sign offs yet. Feels kinda cringe.

Jan 2 2045

Attention Captain Shithead,

Congrats you’ve maintained this goal for a second day in a row. You had a pretty nice day at work. Dave stopped by your office for a quick non-work related chat. He must of got a new cologne as a gift since he lingered for a while after his ass left. It was that cheap shit they say is expensive for the holiday. Fuckin motor oil and skunk. Maybe he knew and purposely let his funk diffuse out. Oh well. Overlord Jarod however also stopped by. The fuckin Litch lookin ass was actually quite pleasent. No bonus this new year but can’t expect much. Lunch sucked. Dinner wasn’t any better. Hopefully you’ve gotten that stove fixed by the time you pick this back up. Oh you didn’t say anything last time (and I’m not about to fill it in for you) but you feel like it’s a good sign. This month and year starting on Sunday. Feels nice and orderly. Maybe you’ll actually turn your shit around. Maybe you already have? Alright bed is calling your name. Good night Sam.

Still cringe

Jan 3 2045

Fucking Tuesdays. Harold was throwing a fit about something in the break room during lunch. You had/have a migraine so rather than risk your head exploding you slunk back to your office. Still stinks like fuckin Dave. Going the bed. Sam out.

Jan 4 2045

Salutations Sam,

Yeah that works I guess.

Humpday baby! Fuckin work was pretty okay today. Your office finally doesn’t smell like Ode’ to cheap douche. A lot of meaningless emails back and forth today. Shipping talking about missing packages this and manufacturing complaining about to many people calling in that. Harold (you remember him right? The blowhard with the suspenders that was unleashing sonic warfare yesterday) wasn’t in today. Dude has had a perfect track record since fuckin-ever ago. Oh right! 4663 Yukon Blvd @ 5p.m. Sat. Jarod is taking us all out for a company outing. A little incentive to keep up with this stuff. You aren’t going to write this down anyway. You’ll have a better chance to remember this way. Wanda said to work on rephrasing. Are you still keeping up on that? I hope so. Mom called today. Dad had another fall. He’s okay this time. Neighbors were home and were able to get to him. I keep telling Mom she needs to retire or at least try working from home. I’ll give them a call tomorow after work. Nah. Lunch. Well after that happy note I’m going to bed.

Jan 5 2045

Fuck all happened today. Maybe keeping a journal every day is too much? I guess I don’t have to write a book each time. Just write down the big stuff or the small fun things? Called mom and dad at lunch. Dad’s a little dizzy after the fall but he’s otherwise fine. Didn’t hit anything this time so that’s good. Mom wants to know when I’ll come out and visit. Think I’ll swing by after work on tomorow. Hell maybe even stay the night. She’d be over the moon. Dave was working from home today. Kept sending me these fuckin videos of pets being idiots. He’s a good friend. Even if he distracts me from doing my job. It feels better to write like I and shit. Wanda had a point about taking ownership. I guess thats what I pay her for ha ha. Damn pencil is almost out of lead. Okay I wrote it on a sticky note. Alright going to start packing some luggage for the sleep over. Took longer than I’d want. How did I misplace such a big ass duffle bag? Bed time.

Jan 6 2045

Salutations Sam,

I was right mom is over the moon. Dad was in good spirits too. Hiding in my old room for a second to write. Still not super comfortable letting people know I’m keeping a feelings journal ha ha. Lots of good memories in these walls. Even found my old stash of cigs. Are you still smoke free? I was. Something about that rush of trying to keep it secret. It was only one cig though. Tasted fuckin moldy.

Jan 7 2045

Salutations Sam,

Mom was on point this morning with the breakfast spread. Dad took his sweet time getting to the table but can’t really blame him. I told them about the company outing. We had a nice morning of just doing nothing. Dad and I actually went out to the pond to cast some lines. One of the blugills had swallowed the hook. Poor thing. Tasted pretty good though. Anyway I’m all re-packed and ready for this whatever it is. I’ll update after I’m back. Maybe I’ll even make a whole new paragraph.

So the company is moving. And I guess…so am I.

Feb 6 2045

Salutations Sam,

Well it’s been a wild few weeks. So to elaborate just in case your memory is foggy. The company moved to a new location and so did you. I mean. I was either going to move or not have a job and I like having heating and food to eat. This new place is maaaaaassive. I mean fuckin huge. The factory alone is like the size of a small town. Thankfully due to the law the office has an elevator. I was not about to walk up 23 flights of stairs. Jarod also took the time to let us know about some downsizing. I haven’t heard from Dave since the move. Why in the hell did we have to get rid of so many people? Surely if we can afford this massive place we can afford to keep people on staff? I knew I should have gotten his number when I had the chance. Maybe I’ll ask around the office and see if anyone has it. At least the drive is nice. Big place but in the middle of nowhere. I have windows in my office now too!

Feb 7 2045

Dad passed.

Feb 13 2045

Mom passed too.

March 6 2045

Salutations Sam,

I’m not sure if it’s the grief or what but something hasn’t been feeling right at work. It feels like we have less and less people everyday. I mean, it is a huge place so maybe I’m just at the wrong place at the wrong time? Whatever. Work is starting to get too much to handle. I think I’m going to take a break writing in this until either I catch up at work or feel better. Wanda says I’ve been making some good strides. Have you?

July 4 2045

Happy Independence day.

Sep 4 2045

Holy shit. I think the world is ending.

Sep 5 2045

Salutations Sam,

So the world isn’t ending. The last season wasn’t great but not that bad. So to catch up. Jarod sent me an email today letting me know I was being promoted. I mean it’s about time. He and I have been basically running this company since day one (even if he doesn’t want to admit it). To celebrate Dave and I went out for a nice dinner. Oh right. I mean you probably know (being me and all ha ha) but Dave and I got married. The bastard wore that awful cologne during our wedding. Would have been nice to have mom and dad there. I think they would be proud of me. I like to think they were there in spirit though (ha ha no pun intended) what with their urns being there and all. He makes me happy. Does he still make you happy? Do you still make him happy? Wanda was right, this journal has been helping. The new meds also help (even if they make my head feel fuzzy). So first thing tomorow I start as co-owner. Dave says I need to quit. He’s just jealous I think. It does feel strange though. Like we’ve been losing more and more people. It’s a big place though. Maybe I’ve just been stuck in the office for too long.

Sep 6 2045

Who’s Jarod? I’ve seen their name a couple times. Man. Dave is right I think I need to talk to my doctor. I built this company from the ground up. Maybe the years are starting to catch up with me. Maybe the meds aren’t working like they used to.

Nov 20 2045

Everyone is gone. Not dead. No just gone. I can’t believe I found this thing in the breakroom. I need to keep my notes again. Everything is getting hazey more and more each day. How big is this fucking building? When was the last time I saw Dave? He went down to the call center weeks ago. I think he’s gone now too. That’s fine. I’m used to being alone. We had a pretty big fight a while ago, before he left. He kept bringing up my parents. I didn’t know my parents. I didn’t like him teasing me.

Nov 21 2045

I hear footsteps throughout the building. Not my foot steps. I think I can also hear someone calling out. That can’t be possible. I’m alone. I think so at least. I hope so.

I just killed a man. He smelled horrible. Like Motor oil and skunk.

Nov 23 2045

My name is Sam Ramsfield. My name is Sam Ramsfield. My name is Sam Ramsfield.

Dec 18 2-45

Hello Sam,

You sound like you’ve had a pretty rough time. I’m not sure who or where you are. But I found this notebook. Maybe I’m writing to the dead here but maybe just maybe I’m not really alone here. If you are alive (and also not wanting to eat my face) know that you aren’t alone. I’m sorry for my poor manners. You gave me your name but I can’t do the same. Please forgive me. You have very nice handwriting. It looks a lot like mine. Did we know each other? If you find this and find me (it won’t be hard to mistake me I’m most likely the only person in here besides you) please consider these questions and bring answers to them.

Where did you come from?

Did we know each other (Are we maybe siblings?)

Do you know a way out?

Do you know where the yellow fog came from?

Can we be friends?

I look forward to speaking with you at some point. I’m going to leave this notebook where I found it. I usually wander around the Stone Temple until the large flood light goes dim. When the dark times are coming I make my way to the Clear Wall. The one with the wooden altar. Maybe we can look at the stars together?

Dec 31 2045

Salutations Sam,

Maybe next year will be different.

Sincerely,

SAM

#3 am writing #memory loss #isolation #mini horror #cw: swearing #flash writing #quick write #diary style #original fiction #writing #cw: memory loss #cw: dissociation

0 notes

robinmage · 1 month

Text

personally i think a super important part of jinshi and maoamos relationship (esp at the beginning of the series, though still true) is how they both have had really negative experiences regarding sexually/romantically-natured exchanges. maomao grew up in a brothel, shes seen probably every situation possible under the sun of women being abused, manipulated, lied to, and used for a mans personal benefit. and as such, the typical "sweep her off her feet with honeyed words and false promises" approach doesnt work on her at all, because shes already seen 101 different ways that can go wrong. subconsciously or not, she just instinctively knows that those 'fake'-like people cant be trusted.

jinshi, due to his characteristically beautiful face, has had no shortage of admirers during his time at the rear palace. women that invite him to their room in the evening, give him food with blood or hair or whatever in it, gifts him literal aphrodisiacs. hes willing to use his beauty to get what he wants (never unreasonably, though) but it becomes evident later that he certainly has some kind of complex about it. hes only 19(?) at the beginning of the series, and hes already been working in the rear palace for long enough to garner a strong reputation. the only people hes close to is gaoshun and MAYBE gyokuyou. to him, it probably seems like everyone else only cares about how pretty he is, and ignoring anything beyond that.

and so he meets maomao, who reacts to his advances not just coldly, but with obvious disdain. she sees RIGHT through his false flirty demeanour, and seems to be one of the only few people to do so. he doesnt expect that, and that interests him. not being attracted to his face is, in jinshis eyes, a key trait to have in order to work with him. he seeks maomaos counsel time and time again (bc he likes his new toy but also) because he trusts her to work WITH him, not FOR him; actually using her head to figure out what the best conclusion is, instead of just blindly following him and giving him whatever she thinks would make him happy with her.

after it becomes obvious to him that absolutely none of his advances will work on maomao, he really tones it down and they enter what i call their "bonding stage", which is mostly just dealing with situations around the inner and outer court together. thats where the foundation of their relationship really starts to grow; jinshi values maomao for her intellect and straightforward attitude, and maomao values jinshi for being a genuinely kind and hardworking person. they start to hold each other in higher esteem because they actually see each others real selves, and likewise appreciate that finally someone can see them beyond that metaphorical impersonal veil.

#i have to stop here i have to make another post.#sorry this turned out longer than i thought #i have SO much to say about these two #and also i want them to make out #sloppy style. with tongue #the apothecary diaries

730 notes · View notes