#did ableism

[calypsoofstars]

Non autistic people will sometimes act like they know more about the disorder than autistic people. And it makes me wanna rip my hair out. We always see alltistic people say “it’s okay I’m very opening.” Then when you actually do something linked to your autism, it’s annoying and childish. I also think this is a huge issue in the system community, and directly links to the ableism around fictive heavy systems.

I ran into this discord user, who literally told us not to use tone tags because “I’m not autistic so don’t use tonetags around me. It’s offensive to be that you think I can’t read your tone.” ??? What does that even mean??? “Hey can you not make your text screenreader friendly, I don’t use a screen reader, so it’s offensive to me.” Wouldn’t fly? Why does it fly with another disability?

We were once banned from a syscord server for “not socializing well.” Because we were extra upset our uncle fucking died which they knew about. But they literally called us the R slur and banned us out of the blue because we “didn’t vent right.” And Didn’t “socialize right.” And the mod who did that was 30. So this is not a younger generation thing only.

We are fictive heavy, and have been fake claimed because of it. We had someone explain how “oh you don’t actually have that many alters.” And tried to explain to us how “oh sometimes you just Introject traits from a character but that’s not an alter.” I know what a fucking alter is, I have the disorder. I do not need you fake claiming my alters because YOU think we can’t be fictive heavy.

I have also been fake claimed because we have fictives who have traits we head cannon them with in head space. And been told they don’t really “count as alters.”

The ableism around autism in this community is fucking staggering. I hate being talked down to like a child because we have autism. And that’s not even counting the ableism against our physical disabilities too. But that’s another rant for another day.

-Estella + Xiao

[macbethz]

Doctor who it’s me your regency era situationship I’m in cgi hell. You have to remember that you’re gay

[disabirbity]

One of the main problems around people with personality disorders (particularly cluster B), psychotic disorders, OSDD/DID/other CDDs or other stigmatised mental conditions is, well... Everything we do gets put back onto our disorder. Every fault, every misstep, every mistake is used as proof to say that the stigma of us all being horrible people is right.

We can say "not everyone with x disorder harms people, and in fact we're more likely to BE harmed and abused than we are to hurt others" as much as we like--and of course, that's a true statement. But the moment someone with a stigmatised mental illness does something wrong, it's "of course you'd do xyz, you're a narcissist" or "checks out with the psychosis".

Someone with ASPD could cut someone off for any valid reason, but anyone else could spin it into "yeah, that's sociopaths for you". Someone with psychosis could wrongfully accuse someone of something and without being given a chance to apologise, suddenly it's "this is why we don't trust delusional people like you" and you're discredited from here on out. Someone with DID could genuinely forget that their alter had an argument with someone and be trying to sort it out, but no one wants to hear that something was forgotten in the amnesia, so and all they get is "see, people with DID just blame everything on their alters".

People with stigmatised disorders are just like anyone else. They're not evil or uniquely capable of harm, but that also means they're not incapable of making mistakes. Everyone is entitled to their own limits but I think people need to be more aware that disabled people can make genuine mistakes and one slip up or argument doesn't mean that pwNPD is secretly manipulating you. Sometimes people are manipulative and you need to be able to tell the difference--just like neurotypicals, disabled people can be abusive. But blaming mistakes or even genuine malice on someone's disorder does nothing but harm a marginalised group of people. If you wouldn't say "of course you would, you're neurotypical" to someone abusing someone else or if that wouldn't make sense to you, why would you do it to disabled people?

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

“Don’t let your disorder define you”

Okay but do you support the people whose disorders do define them?

Do you support people with the chronic illnesses who have had to develop whole lives around their conditions? Do you support the intellectually disabled people whose whole way of thinking is defined by their disorder? Do you support the people with personality disorders who literally have a disorder as a personality? Do you support the autism/ADHD people whose disorder you can’t separate from who they are? Do you support the DIDOSDD people who have multiple definitions of themselves because of their disorder?

Or are you just saying that because a disorder defining someone means you can’t ignore it.

[is-it-ableist-if]

''Is it ableist if I don't want to speak to any of my friend's alters?'' Let's start off simple: Yes, It is. But, allow me to explain why It's ableist. I feel like this type of saying coming from singlets Is a big problem that comes from misunderstanding and lack of research. Many singlets often don't know anything about how DID/OSDD works, and end up saying things like this as a result. DID/OSDD forms In childhood. If your system friend, Is, for example, 13 and FOUND OUT (important keyword here) they were a system, then they didn't just create their system right off the bat. They found out. And let's remember here that your friend wasn't a singlet before discovery, they simply found out about the disorder and their alters! They are an alter, too. There Is no 'original' personality, you have already spoken to their alters before, too. You just didn't know it, and neither did they! Saying ''I don't want to speak to your alters'' Is ableist, and very disrespectful at that. They're an alter too. They all are, and they're not any different from the host, or any alter that you have spoken to before. If you're a singlet with system friends, please do your research instanstly Instead of assuming things like this. They WILL appreciate you trying to understand them. Don't be afraid to reach out to resources or research websites. Please remember. Be respectful. And if they allow it, don't be afraid to ask questions. My system personally always appreciates questions about DID/OSDD, and we're always happy to answer. For systems, I know singlets may struggle to understand. But please give them time and resources to learn, have patience and allow them to understand you, even if it's just a little. thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[the-barefoot-hatter]

pediatricians are hard to find.

you aren't broken and other important things a triangle needs to hear

[cemitadepollo]

Not a day passes by without me being mad as shit that ableism against demonized mental illnesses is normalised.

We are not criminals. We are not dangerous. We do not owe neurotypicals a complete explanation on why we developed our disorders and why we aren't serial killers that kidnap people.

Fuck hollywood, fuck ableist criminology and fuck saneism.

[adhdandcomics]

i’m very sorry that society has made you feel this way about your fellow disabled people. i hope you can reflect on why you believe that other people with worse symptoms than you are bringing down this community and giving us a bad name.

(especially in the context of a vent post that is not indicative of whether or not we are “actually trying” in real life.)

i am also sorry that society makes you believe that in order for disabled people to be respected we have to consistently be working toward a nebulous goal of self improvement and overcoming of disability as to not be perceived as lazy and inconsiderate by the world.

i hope you can be kinder and more patient with yourself and your disability in the future, too.

[thehellsaint]

"sysmed" and "traumascum" are truly repulsive terms. The mental disorder you're cosplaying is, shocker, a disorder.

disorders are medical issues. just because you feel entitled to the parts of a disorder you find fun doesn't make the disorder less of a disorder.

[possessed-pack]

Okay but will there actually come a day where anti-endos stop being ableist while also accusing others of being ableist? You can't preach that you're "protecting victims" while also sitting there being all "endos/those who support them are delusional!!". Psychosis is not your tool for hate, and psychotic people are no lesser than anyone else and do not deserve to be used to discredit other peoples experiences that you simply don't understand. Traumagenic DID systems who support endos exist, but you hate those too--what happened to protecting "actual trauma survivors"? You are not protecting disabled people, you are using them as a tool to explain your hatred for things you don't care to understand.

[calypsoofstars]

I’m back on my bullshit about how able body people are ableist again. But people without physical disabilities CANNOT understand me on anything. We went to the mall with our friend for their birthday and used a Cane. And the AMOUNT of people who either gave me dirty looks for not knowing how to use it (because it was our first time ever using a cane after being told by a doctor to use one.) or people asking if I “really needed it” where staggering. We have arthritis and a heart condition, I think we actually need it.

We also have handicapped plaques on our car, so ofc I use those spots to part. We have gotten the police called on us more than 10 times for parking there, even though we have the plaques to park there? And our family shames us for using those spots to. I’ll park in one with our sister or cousin in the car and they’ll go “why did you take this spot ://“ idfk, my resting heart rate it literally 120 BPM, I need to sit down a lot.

And I don’t think some people understand “just go outside” is an option for some people sometimes. We cannot breath in severe heat or stabbing cold. We’re allergic to mold that grows outside during the fall and winter. So to a point we HAVE to stay inside.

Or people go “you can’t be that disabled ://“ but I am though? We where born in stage 2 liver failure which has caused us issues for our whole life, we have asthma so bad sometimes we can’t breath or get out of bed, we have POTS so bad our heart rate hits 200 BPM normally from normal activity, I have to sit down even when just cooking or my whole abdomen cramps, we have arthritis in our knees so bad our grandpa (who has it in his wrist) gave me a box of hid lidocaine pads, we have such bad stomach issues we eat the wrong thing and we’re sick for days.

And don’t even get me started when I try to explain endometriosis to some of the men in our life and they go “EW EWWW GROSS GROSSSSS I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT!” Like but you wanna associate with us, and you’re asking why our abdomen hurts so bad? So I told you why, and now you’re acting like I told you something gross? Hell not even our father is like that, and he’s literally a dead beat alcoholic. Or our grandpa, and he’s literally nearly 80. Why is this 20 year old acting like this? What?

But like, yeah, I don’t understand what it’s like to he chronically ill according to my able bodied family. So sad, I will call my doctor and tell her to undo all of my diagnoses. Sorry everyone 😔

[theswiftheartsystem]

I did the meme right? Right? I’m not hit with the memes, sorry if it’s not right, I thought it was funny 😔

[wormwiggle]

rip moonpaw destined to be an objectum autosexual lesbian doomed to be a stereotype of schizophrenia

[system-hottakes]

Hot take but systems with PD’s (NPD, BPD, HPD, ASPD, STPD, etc) Are treated like SHIT by the system community as a whole and so many people need to take a look on how they treat systems with personality disorders, or people with personality disorders in general.

yeah.. as someone with NPD myself I cannot stand certain parts of this community that end up using us as insults or as synonyms for abusers.

I love other PDs though. This is me. This is me looking at anyone who also has a PD. I love y'all and you deserve the world /platonic

[falloutfurvegas]

its a great excuse to hold hands so whateves

[thosecactussharks]

Idk how to articulate this properly, so I appreciate any insight and nuance that other people can add to this sentiment that I might not have been able to properly explain.

But...can we stop demonizing people with low empathy? Why is that becoming so normal?

"What happened to empathy?"

"Why is empathy a foreign concept to these people?"

"It's not that hard to have empathy!"

All of these statements blatantly disregard people with personality disorders, mental illnesses, or people like me who are Autistic and ADHD, who also just...don't have normal levels of empathy for people.

Low empathy isn't an excuse to be a piece of shit.

Low empathy also doesn't inherently make you a bad person.

I struggle to connect with people. I struggle to care and feel what people feel.

I struggle not to be critical or make remarks that upset people, because I struggle to see from other people's points of view without having personally been in that situation.

But I do care about people. I might show it differently, or not feel the same as you do, but I do care.

(Below is personal experience, so I can only speak for myself as an AuDHD person. I cannot speak on other disorders that involve lower empathy. I would love your input if you have a better view on your experience!)

I might not feel empathy, but I can break down logically what is and isn't bad one way or another. I can break down and understand when something bad has happened and, logically, deduce that another person feels bad.

I, personally, have cognitive empathy. Not a lot, and I do tend to think hyper-logically, but I can break a situation down into facts and work from there.

I'm alexithymic, so emotional empathy doesn't really work for me. My normal emotions are hard to feel or pinpoint accurately, so the ones I should feel for other people are practically nonexistent.

But, that doesn't give me the excuse to be an asshole.

Sure, maybe it could explain my thought process or reasons behind my actions, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't apologize or try to understand why I said something upsetting if others express that I did something shitty.

So, maybe, instead of demonizing low empathy folks, we should be calling out assholes because they're being assholes - NOT because they feel and experience things differently from you.