#does not need to be canon universe but it’s funnier in canon universe

[headphonemouse]

Nothing in my life has ever tasted as good as how I imagine cartoon meat that looks like this tastes

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog 5: many words much analysis

His favorite parenting technique: Bullshitting

Yet again, we have the tenets of Lou theorizing reiterated here by Kerubim and Simone, as well as this flashback:

She left sad, and unlike many other times, without any anger for Kerubim.

She left Luis with him to watch over him.

She also left Luis because he couldn't go with her, but that could mean many things.

She left after Ecaflip City, obviously, and at that time, their relationship seemed the healthiest. (Well, as healthy as it could be.)

Unlike all the other times, Kerubim didn't go searching for her. It seems this separation was final in a way no other was, and there had to be a reason that he didn't go and try to make up. An unsolvable issue.

Both Luis and Kerubim blame Kerubim, and the first one uses this to make the second one angry.

Adieu, translated here as Farewell, is a word used for when you never expect to see one another ever again.

And sure, Luis really hated that. To the point of not allowing anyone to clean him ever again.

And yet...

That's what I thought you'd say, you lying asshole. In this liveblog, so far, I had taken a stance against referencing future episodes, but I feel the need to pinpoint this now:

Aux Tresors De Kerubim is a show that will lie, cheat, and deceive you. A show that is incredibly transparent about being at least a little bit, but an in-universe fiction.

Kerubim Crepin is a man who has mastered the art of not really lying, but, more-so, fudging the situation. Usually for the better.

And, as seen from this screenshot of the shop as it was two years before Joris was born, sometimes, for the worse.

Kerubim had many ways to solve his situation — convince Luis to let him clean once in a while via the use of psychic warfare, find a different house, or clean while Luis was sleeping, which Luis canonically does, like Kerubim will later do, after Simone is gone, because unlike her, he's not good at not pissing Luis off.

Or, perhaps, he could have continued doing whatever maintenance he was doing, during the time Atcham showed up and tried to boil him in a sauna. Because back then, Luis was allowing him to clean the house. Just food for thought!

Even Luis doesn't really like the situation they're in.

So, letting himself and their home go, never trying to get them out of this situation, — are both his active failings as a parent, not something he passively went through.

There is absolutely no excusing the way he raised Joris.

So yeah. I will just have to make these two into soup.

The thing is, his lying doesn't come from malice at all.

Kerubim hates disappointing people or appearing weak, because, as we'll see, from his personal experience, relationships just don't end well if you present your authentic self without thinking, or just don't lie well enough. He will keep lying in even the most dire circumstances, because not being good enough is the worst sin he could partake in.

He doesn't really have a self-esteem, or a way to like himself, without outside validation, because of the sheer brainrotting trauma of his childhood and his relationship with Ecaflip. And it just so happens, that being a parent is having a little validation machine running around... As long as the child believes he is competent and an indisputable authority, that is.

Which Joris will, one day, realize, just isn't true.

(hint: before the end of Aux Tresors, but fully set in stone in the movie.)

.......yeah to end it on a funnier note, i really do think Kerubim Crepin shouldn't have been at the club.

he should have been getting therapy. he should have been doing inner child healing. he should have been researching coping mechanisms for cluster b personality disorders, of which he has 2. Imagine having a kid instead of therapy.

Choosing beggar Keke!

If they ever make a second Dofus movie via crowdfunding, I will enshrimpify myself. I think she would destroy Bakara's cringe teenager self. I think Bakara would be jealous of her and Joris's aunt-nephew relationship.

...Yeah I love Bakara and Simone a lot. How could you tell?

Some canonical info on Luis's cleaning protocols.

When Kerubim thinks things are going bad, it's "It'll be ok! Don't worry! We can make it!" When Kerubim is suffering through it, it's "I don't know. Don't ask me. I don't know. Probably. Not a good situation." But when Kerubim truly loses all hope, it's "THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, AND I FAILED YOU, AND I'M AWFUL, AND I'M NOTHING, and it's OVER, and we are going to DIE."

A very helpful thing to keep in mind, to see how distraught he is during various events.

He's good at putting on a casual front while under stress, but it means that when he cracks, his fears burst out like an ocean and take him out of the commission entirely.

It's both a character flaw, and a strength of his, allowing him to not lose hope even at the worst times / help others not feel as distraught. We will see this in some significant, albeit very subtle, portrayals of his character in the Wakfu OVA, as well as the ease with which he takes control of dangerous situations.

Him being insecure and a liar never really changes, but he really does do it all out of love.

One of the most significant lines of this show. It appears both in the second episode, and second-to last episode, expressing one of the main themes of the show: the uneven, often clumsy and painful, nature of love and family. From a chance meeting that doesn't go the best, like here, to, well... the way it's used later the second time.

Kerubim's musings on items in this scene introduce the other theme: Stagnation, progress, and memory. In his opinion, it is only natural for artefacts to pass through different hands, instead of being locked up in a vault. Yet, Kerubim himself is stuck in this shop, collecting dust, being a subpar parent to his son, and never moving on from a multitude of painful break-ups that happened decades ago.

Joris's recitation of his words introduces his, for now, unwavering belief in his papycha. Which makes Kerubim's insecure self feel very giddy and loved.

Then, Simone kicking them out promptly introduces the theme of her being literally the best.

It must feel nice for Joris to see their home look good for the first time in his life. As sad as it is, I am very happy for him. The way he begins running around the house, looking at everything, while Kerubim is walking around in a literal daze, is just so adorable. Makes me even forget I want to make his dad into soup, for a little bit.

This brings us to a close with episode 2. Here's to more insane posts to come.

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

if you have not seen discowing era dick… you need to. you may rethink the fashion stance lmao 😂 just imagine kate giving him shit for that, which he of course will defend by going after the Infamous Hip Holes

also while he has been a cop (ugh) dick really just picks a career and magically gets it???? like epitome of a nepo baby, bruce just buys him jobs I am CONVINCED. he’s been a social worker, a museum curator, a cop, he owned a crossfit studio (if you see babs on the yoga mat upstairs in GK, it’s a nod to that!), and depending on canon he has a law degree????

and riffing off of that degree… nightwing vs. daredevil rivalry WHEN. they are parkour badasses. they’re street level heroes who are just regular guys. they have fantastic asses. dick you cannot also have a law degree you CANNOT TAKE MATT’S ONE THING— my running joke is that if dick shows up and he’s better than matt at everything, matt might have a Small Existential Crisis

xoxo dickate anon 🩵💜

oh i KNEW about discowing when i called him a fashion boi. I did not specify it was good fashion. nightwing is that one tiktok. "I don't dress for men, I dress for little girls (children?) who have been told at some point in their lives that this is not a fashion show, and for old women drunk on their porch."

also nepo baby dick is hiLArious considering that I have been thinking all day about how in a separate-universes world, everyone in Kate's world thinks he's a golddigger. The tabloids and gossip mags are so confused??? He's a stay at home boyfriend? He literally doesn't have a job. He basically doesn't even exist. Kate's always saying he's home visiting his family, or traveling. Is he a spy? Does he do crime? He didn't know who Captain America was, he's just a himbo. He absolutely could not be a spy. Dick LOVES this, I feel like. It's much funnier when people think that about him than when they think that about Kate (which is what happens when she goes to his universe)

There's a post from forever ago about someone who's supervisor called their partner "Boytoy" at work, like, exclusively. And the guy knew and was fine with it, but anyway he came in one day and the op went "Mr. Toy, I presume?" and he went "The very one." This is very much Dick and Kate. also somehow he meets Anthony Bourdain, and this is a Good Timeline where he's still alive and Dick winds up traveling with him for a few episodes? That would be a fun dichotomy

Kate turns her back for five seconds and Clint and Dick have gone undercover at a circus. Kate expected this from Clint, but Dick knows better. Which prompts Dick explaining that CLINT is the brains of the operation, not Dick, he's the beauty, and Clint getting mad because HE'S the beauty, and Kate just sighs. Clearly neither of you are the brains.

Dick loves that there are no expectations of him in Kate's universe. It's like a vacation. He gets to be a himbo here. There's absolutely a pic of them on insta that he captioned "this barbie is an Avenger. He's just ken" and he will not HEAR Kate's arguments about how technically by Barbie/Ken rules he is also a Barbie. Dick pouts and is like I AM KENOUGH.

All of this leads to a mostly funny conception the Avengers have of Dick. They know he's Nightwing, he doesn't really need a secret identity here, but they don't...get it. He's bouncy and casual because he's still watching Kate's teams, figuring out how best to support, and he doesn't want to step on Kate's toes by accidentally being Too In Charge. So there's this idea that he really IS a himbo until Kate gets injured or captured. If she gets injured on a mission he's on? Look. It clears things up right away. He will absolutely rip apart whatever faction or organization caused that to happen with his bare hands. And God for-fucking-bid he encounters the actual individual responsible for harming her. I'm not saying someone's getting kicked off of a roof but, someone is moving from the roof to the sidewalk in the most expedient way possible.

This is also funny because it makes very clear how different their preferred fighting styles are, because Kate picked A VERY DEFENSIBLE POSITION, please stop worrying, Dick. And she's right! It is! IF YOUR PREFERRED WEAPON IS RANGED.

Now Dick is standing over his mostly unconscious girlfriend who looks like her face got scraped against the ground (because it did), preparing to defend them from all sides. fucking snipers.

It also leads to a fun moment where Kate can't lead. Eli isn't there, so normally command of the team would slide into Cap's purview (if cap and whoever his second is are down, Avengers command would slide over to Kate) so Cap is getting ready to start giving the YA some orders and Dick, not even THINKING about it, just kind of assumes command of the young Avengers and NONE OF THEM QUESTION IT???? He doesn't lead like Kate. He doesn't give orders like Kate, he doesn't even sound like Kate, with cadence or whatever. But there's something that is just kate like enough that her team is like yep this is correct. (The same thing will happen in reverse with the titans) After that the Avengers stop roasting him behind Kate's back.

Also, THE HIP HOLES. look. We need to admit that Kate, canonically, does not have great taste in her avengering uniform. Why did she choose this look? why is she so attached to it?

Like if Kate has the audacity to genuinely criticize discowing?? If for some reason she's wearing a different costume or they got tossed into Gotham in their civvies, her team will absolutely throw her under the bus in order to get brownie points with the batkids.

You can't talk about the deep vee when you had YOUR ENTIRE ABDOMEN OUT BABE. Nothing! Not even a tissue! The body confidence is great Kate but seriously how did you not die. (he's into the scarf, though)

And if Kate actually wears the hip holes? Dick is poking at her trying to figure out if they're actually holes? Is there mesh there? Is it flesh toned fabric? No?? It's actually holes? This man is going to stick his hand in one just to see because what the fuck, Kate, and Kate's going to be like. Dick. Dickie. Nightwing. Your hand is under my costume. Do you realize where your hand is.

Is THAT what it's for?!?!? Dick is now seeing how far he can get his hand. The small of her back? Her other hip? Their friends are scREAMing. Guys? Could you do this some other time?? Like maybe when we're NOT ON FUCKING PATROL?????

anyway now Dick is wondering how far he can actually get his hand inside her uniform and he WASN'T thinking about it Like That before but he sure is now

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side A

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Louis de Pointe du Lac

french (creole) in the 1700s, has a crazy Ultra-Catholic brother that he builds a cathedral for on his property out of love, in which he gets turned i to a vampire after setting the place on fire in a drunken stupor because he was sooo damp lestat (insane vampire, also catholic but also not, it’s complictaed) just couldn’t resist, fire motif continues (he burns a lot of places to the ground, fire kills vampires, etc); denies himself human blood not because killing is wrong but because drinking human blood is a pleasurable experience (drinking blood is also how vampires have sex, so take this how you will), finds himself baby trapped in a toxic patriarchal nuclear family setting with lestat (not exclusive to catholics ofc but, come on) louis would not identify as catholic/religious but literally everything he does comes down to his immense catholic guilt complex and he believed genuinely for a very long time that he was going to hell for existing as a vampire (it’s a metaphor)

episode 1 he has a whole breakdown in a confession booth about pimping, drinking, gay sex, etc. then his priest gets immediately murdered by a vampire and he then agrees to be turned by that vampire and to marry him (in his defense lestat is VERY dreamy) and keeps doing the same shit and worse but feeling extreme guilt about everything constantly. he keeps this up for 144 years and counting

He battles with faith so hard dude he spends like half his book being Catholically Guilty for his vampirism. It slaps

He got turned into a vampire after having a big gay crisis in a church. Iconic

Vector

Single dad who is a private, self-employed detective who loves banging it to some tunes and is trying to pay rent. Thats literally the Chaotix’s whole thing: they pick up cases to pay the rent. And he’s Catholic.

There’s a big note post somewhere on this website that jokes about this and I think it’s funny. This guy takes communion

I saw him in the high submissions list and I had no idea this is hilarious and I need to make sure he gets in

https://forgottensonicfacts.tumblr.com/post/697923206384926720/according-to-his-profile-in-knuckles-chaotix honestly, I don’t really know how to explain this in my own words. Toodle pip!

He is a single father of a bee child and a teenage chameleon at age 20. Who else has a popular tumblr post of them baptizing a chao with pepsi?

Vector is one of the characters ever: he has a gold chain, he never takes off his headphones, he leads a detective group, said detective group is a teenage ninja chameleon, a six-year-old, and occasionally an armadillo with herculean strength

I think (hc) vector is the only cishet character in all of the sonic universe which makes him being catholic that much funnier like. He goes to church wearing a “proud dad” t-shirt then he goes home to his 2 trans kids to tell them how much he supports them etc etc. Also one time someone posted how Vector would be the funniest character to be catholic only to find out in the notes that was basically canon so.

[lokiinmediasideblog]

ok so now I can rant about JiM because it's my hyperfixation lol

when I learned that they made a JiM novel I was euphoric bc I always thought the novel format was the ideal form for the story because it's a very literary comic and I also love fantasy and the Thor side of comics but I HATE superhero as a genre and I also hate superhero comics and their completely messy continuity and bonkers logic, so to me, it's like by adapting this specific run into a book it felt like they've lifted the story from it's larger context so it could exist in it's own canon bubble without having to answer to anything that came before or after these events take place. I love that the only proper superhero that appears is Captain Britain and you only hear one or another superhero be mentioned in passing so I can easily ignore that there are superheroes in this universe and pretend it's just a regular fantasy novel. I noticed that the author took some liberties with the costume descriptions (Loki wears no cowl and Leah wears a golden circlet in lieu of her bone hairpins) and I took is as a cue to disregard the imagery from the comics and reimagine everything from description in a more LOTR-like fantasy aesthetic (nothing against the talented artists that worked on the comic, but I dislike how spandexy and futuristic some asgardian outfits look in the comics)

The prose is surprinsingly good for a novelization. Novelizations usually have very dry prose, but this one is witty, evocative, and in times even poetic, which makes it feel like it was an original literary work and not an adaptation. I don't agree that it feels like a companion to the comic because in many ways, it comes off like a more complete work than the comic, with an expanded insight into the characters.

I particularly like how Loki's inner thoughts made him even funnier and more loveable than in the comic, with his little asides and daydreams, and I love how it elevates his relationships. I particularly like how it shows that, even in his good innocent form, Loki is still jealous of Thor, which is something I never got from the comics. The comics give away the impression that Kid Loki just feels pure hero worship toward his brother and any sore feelings are out of his legitimate grievances about Thor being a lousy parent figure, but the comic shows that he inherited some of his older self's pettiest feelings, which makes his relationship to Thor more nuanced and adds up to the tension that he might go evil if he lets them take over. The prose format also enhanced his chemistry with Leah. I didn't care much about their relationship in the comics because it felt too one sided on his part, but with book!Leah I had a clear sense of how much she likes him back behind the walls she puts up that I never got from comic!Leah. Loki's romantic feelings for her feel more mature in this version, in the comic is too boy pulling pigtails of the girl he likes, but here he gets to be actually earnest about his love for her, and it made the two times he loses her actually hit for me. The added scene where he gifts her books for christmas was adorable and made me ship it. Oh, and I thought making King Arthur a grumpy boomer was a nice touch of humor.

On the downside I disliked how the book does a poor job of contextualizing some stuff and introducing new characters to an impact, which is a shame because I really wanted to recommend this book to people who don't do comics so they can become addicted to JiM like myself (I'm still going to do it lol). The book has no qualms taking some liberties to make the story feel more concise, but it should have taken more liberties to make it work in its format. It also was in a serious need of an editor, because there are some continuity errors. Overall is a good book, it's well written, it honors the story and characters, and that Marvel has chosen this particular story to relaunch in a different format shows it resisted the test of time and it is a classic run.

Definitely agree that Leah and Loki's relationship was much cuter in the book (he even got her furniture), and it was heartbreaking when he had to sent her to the past just after getting her back to keep his older self from hurting her. The things I liked most are Ikol's thoughts while being a magpie, and the ominous teasing as the "teller".

I felt the book got confusing when there were changes in settings, and definitely think it needed more editing. There was a distracting typo in one of the earlier chapters (can't remember where exactly).

I think they should have recapped a little with things like Thor's resurrection for example.

[monsterhighalumni]

natm 4 thoughts/reaction

late to the game but you already know [major spoilers ahead]

i love how feral they allowed every character to get in this movie (ESPECIALLY sacajawea), them working together to gaslight gatekeep girlboss the night guards into leaving was (chef's kiss)

also love how this canon basically completely ignores the (terrible) ending of natm 3, love that larry's still involved with the museum, amazing, perfect, no notes

unpopular opinion, i love that nicky's a lil dweeb full of anxiety now. that feels more like the natural progression of his character than becoming a kind of jerk-y frat bro. OG!nicky doesn't make his own mixes and pre-records his sets, NATM4!nicky is a music nerd, loves vaporwave, and accidentally reinvents electro-swing. slay king

[sees the bisexual flag on nicky's notebook] [sonic voice] woah he's bisexual! i didn't know that!

larry is like. such a good dad here. good for him, he's much more supportive than he would've been in the originals. OG!larry probably would've insisted on shadowing him the first night and stood like two feet away making comments about how nicky should be doing things the whole night lmao i love him but this is true

I'M SO GLAD THAT THE EXHIBITS BRING UP THAT NICKY IS LIKE FAMILY AND WAS PRACTICALLY RAISED IN THE MUSEUM cause in the 3rd film nicky just. doesn't seem to care about them that much that boy just wants to LEAVE

i love joan i don't even care that much that she was shoehorned in, she's a lil unhinged and a badass and FINALLY wea has another female friend

BUT WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT SKREEEEE

laa die challenge. should've been eaten by the crocodile.

it would've been so cool and amazing to explore the basement and the archives and the idea that it's the "deep ocean", dark, fucked-up part of the museum is amazing. but it's also funny that they were just. fucking with nicky jfghfjh

"KAMENRAH THE DISAPPOINTING SON" KDJFGHDKFHJGLKGDFHB

kamenrah thinking nicky was larry giving big "rose quartz steven universe" vibes but also would've been funnier if he then proceeded to call him "nicky daley from daley devices" as a callback to natm 2

i feel like it diminishes the impact of not ahk not seeing his parents for 60+ years that sentient images of his dad, merenhakre are just. everywhere.

speaking of which, i don't even need to say it. everyone's already said it. ahk should've been in this movie and we all know it, but also he wasn't even acknowledged and no one bring him up?? not even kamenrah?? this makes me feel like there's a copyright or licensing issue going on here or SOMETHING cause damn

seth die challenge. stupid little jackal man

the epic highs (using the tablet like a musical instruments to unlock a tomb and playing the squares like chords) and lows (TIME TRAVEL WE'RE REALLY DOING THIS NOW HUH) of the tablet's canonical magic

hnnnnnnn i really dislike the time travel

i think my biggest problem with natm 4 is that the best part of the original movies was getting to explore the museums and meet all the fun new historical characters and the adventures were constrained by the environment therefore THEY SHOULD'VE STAYED AT THE MET

although it is SUPREMELY funny that not only do the met egyptian mummies know of kamenrah, they just decide to fuck off from the narrative cause they just don't want to deal with him JFKDHG

everyone is complaining about teddy's characterization idk man i actually thought that his main bit was pretty funny. of course he just talks about himself, he's mr. the museum

didn't love jed though maybe it was the new VA trying to sound like owen wilson, maybe he felt dumbed down, but the jedtavius moments were very good like everyone said they were

you ever see a couple so married and so divorced at the same time, i love them

overall i'm not mad with the new designs, i think they capture the energy of the original and cartoonify them well — the fight scenes were animated well too, i love that it was 2D and it was charming without FEELING explicitly low budget

yeah yeah i feel similarly that i didn't love the rehash of natm 2, the door, the summoning the minions of the underworld, etc — if it were up to me the movie's main conflict should've been kamenrah versus all the OTHER egyptian pharaohs and mummies at the met vying for power

BUT!!! IT ENDED WITH A DANCE PARTY!!! THAT'S ALL I CARE ABOUT THAT'S WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR AND IT HAPPENED!!!!!!

overall it was cute and fun and i hope it converts into a tv series and also tumblr is way too mad about it for what it is. 6/10

[sytokun]

If you could indulge me in this little rewrite of Blake's V4-5 arc? What if after Beacon fell Ironwood sent Cordovin to occupy Menagerie to sus out any in-hidding WF, catalysing his paranoia for later volumes and depicting Cordo as an actual scary person. Ghira wants to keep the peace but Blake becomes restless as tensions between Atlas soldiers and the locals grow, and the arc accumulates with a more courageous Blake taking down Cordovin's mech with Sun and Ilia's help.

Tumblr's editor crashed just as I finished typing this and I am willing myself to write it all again from scratch, lmao. This site needs an auto recovery option.

Well this is an AU. I say AU and not rewrite because by definition, it's not following the same plot or the same rules as RWBY, and doesn't pretend to (which makes it even funnier when people complain about it being something it's not pretending to be). Calling it a rewrite implies a strict adherence to canon, which this doesn't have.

But still, I'll add the rewrite tag to this and other future posts simply because a lot of the kind of thing I'm writing overlaps with rewrites and their general philosophy when handling canon.

When you're writing something like this, you're basically asking a question and answering it. Each question shifts the story's divergence from canon by a degree, and when you start moving, the deviation will be enough that even if it travels in a straight line from there, it will never be the same as canon events.

For example, say I ask the question: "What if Team RWBY spent a longer time in Beacon?"

From this, I know that I have to delay the Fall of Beacon, or change its circumstances entirely. What would change about the Fall if Ruby was in her second, third or even last year at Beacon? Would Pyrrha still die if we spend more time exploring her as a character? Where would Cinder be during all this time?

By asking one simple question about RWBY's world, ten other smaller ones pop up that you need to answer, but then you find out those questions lead to entire character arcs, and creating timelines, and making sure the Kingdoms make sense, and now you're reconstructing an entire universe from scratch and hating yourself. /s

So back to your query. I can't answer this meaningfully because if it were up to me, I'd likely just… not have Cordovin at all. Or even Ghira for that matter. Let's look into why.

First, Cordovin. I have to ask myself first, "What does Cordovin contribute to RWBY's story?" Like really? We have to go backwards, from "How do I fit this character in" all the way back to "Do I even need this character?" What is Cordovin's actual role in the story? She's a minor villain - a comical, incompetent one at that - whose only purpose is to be a one-off obstacle in Team RWBY's airship-stealing plan. A plan that was already poorly conceived from the start when better, more sound plans existed but were unexplored by the plot.

So that's multiple strikes against Cordovin. Her impact on the story is low; she has no important relationships with any characters; and her existence is tied to a weak plot point which actually detracts from the story. If she adds little, then the story loses little from removing her, too. We know RWBY has a cast bloat problem, and if someone wants to earnestly solve that problem, that means they have to combine characters or even remove them entirely if the benefit they bring to the story far outweighs the effort to put them in.

The same principle applies to Ghira. This is part of a longer post I wish to write about Blake after this, but how important is Ghira, and by extension Kali, to RWBY's story? How much do they add or take away? Now, depending on your story and preferences, they would indeed be very important. But not to my story, at least not as they are now. And it's not exactly an easy decision to make either - it takes a lot of thought and deliberation, weighing multiple pros and cons against each other.

The fact that compared to Cordovin, Ghira and Kali are more well-liked in the fandom should, ideally, not affect your decision or desire to have a clean house to work from. Put yourself in CRWBY's shoes: when they made these characters, they aren't thinking about if fans will like them or not, they just put them in. I would say they were thinking about how these additional characters would benefit the story they're trying to write, but that implies... thought.

As they say, "Kill your darlings". Fans wouldn't be stuck with half the migraines and heartache writing fanfiction and cleaning after someone else's messy house if CRWBY exercised this for their own story.

[chaos-and-sparkles]

🍄🧩

Oooh man this has been sitting in my inbox for a while i swear i meant to answer it lmaoo

Thanks for asking yippeee :D

🍄 - let's see, it's hard to pick a particular ship so I'm just gonna do my current top 3. For Johnlock (ACD canon/Granada Holmes specifically); headcanon that Watson operates under the firm belief that Sherlock enjoys the crosswords and lil puzzles in the newspaper because of a singular time Sherlock got excited and infodumped about the effects of the British railway on local bee populations or something when Watson asked him for a help with 13 across, and so he never does the puzzles himself anymore and just always leaves them for Sherlock to do, often folding the newspaper to that page once he's done with reading it (it's also a not-so-subtle way of trying to stimulate his brain enough that he lays off the cocaine for a bit). Sherlock actually gives zero shits about the crossword, he thinks the whole thing is inane and ridiculously easy as long as you know some basic general knowledge (and he swears this has nothing to do with the fact that he trips up over the surprisingly simplest things sometimes), but he thinks it's sweet and cute and so he never dissuades Watson of this notion. Conversely, on the rare occasion that he's done with the paper first, he leaves it open to the funny haha cartoons for Watson. He likes seeing him laugh, even though personally he doesn't think the jokes are that funny.

For chaipunk (this works more for a no powers regular life au but works either way); I firmly believe Hobie can and will steal Pavitr's socks when the opportunity arises. Just one sock of each pair. He returns them by leaving them in the unlikeliest places without saying anything, like on top of the fridge. It happened by accident the first couple times but now he just thinks Pav is cute with mismatched socks and funny when he's miffed about not finding them. (He had not counted on Pav just buying plain identical socks so they're all the same, in retaliation) (Pav absolutely knows what's going on, he just thinks it's funny to let Hobie think he doesn't know).

For Jonmartin; Martin likes dipping fries in milkshake and Jon wholeheartedly disapproves of his life choices ("THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE EATEN LIKE THA - STOP - I'M CALLING THE AUTHORITIES, BASIRA GET HERE -") but the one time Martin made him try it, he really liked it, like REALLY really liked it, but he has to keep pretending he hates it for the sake of his reputation. (Melanie catches Jon eating fries and milkshake like that once in secret, and torments him forever, threatening to tell Martin since he gave him so much shit for it. Martin has fully clocked onto this fact but it's funnier to watch Jon suffer in a situation of his own making than let him off the hook.)

🧩 - It's been a while since I encountered a fic I need to click off, but "orbs" "member", using sensitive subjects as plot devices for romance to happen, and calling energetic characters "adhd" as a joke definitely are up there. Also when people clearly have a special little boy and so the universe must warp around this character to prove they're the best. Also - most commonly - when I'm just not invested and it's more than a fourth of the way through.

[ao3feed-bnha-rarepair]

Box

box by The Fyre

"Himura Shouto." Eraserhead says, and the boy so named steps up to the lines drawn in the ground. When the start of the dash is called, Shouto rushes off, sliding on his ice; he easily outpaces Kaminari. He has to do the best he can with only his ice—Shouto does not dare to use his fire, for worries Eraserhead will realize that he is the villain Endeavor's son.

Enji and Rei are villains. Everything changes.

Words: 2916, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M, Gen

Characters: Todoroki Shouto, Dabi | Todoroki Touya, Todoroki Fuyumi, Midoriya Izuku, Amajiki Tamaki, Toga Himiko, Hadou Nejire, Takami Keigo | Hawks, Hakamata Tsunagu | Best Jeanist, Todoroki Natsuo, Iida Tenya

Relationships: Dabi | Todoroki Touya & Todoroki Fuyumi & Todoroki Shouto, Dabi | Todoroki Touya & Takami Keigo | Hawks, Amajiki Tamaki/Hadou Nejire

Additional Tags: Villain Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Pro Hero Dabi | Todoroki Touya, DENIM DABI, Moral Dilemmas, Morally Ambiguous Character, Human Experimentation, Forced Villain Todoroki Shouto, Todoroki Shouto Needs a Hug, Acting, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Brainwashing, Undercover Missions, Fake/Pretend Relationship, no real dabihawks ever occurs, it's funnier this way trust me, Good Sibling Dabi | Todoroki Touya, Tamaki is dragged into Todofam drama against his will, Roleswap, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44556733

[locked-tomb-shenanigans]

Visceral mental image of Griddlehark cuddling in bed about to fall asleep but then Gideon suddenly says “you know, toothpaste is just bone soap” and Harrow mutters very quietly “I want you to die” from where she’s nestled in her arms and does not move an inch

[latent-thoughts]

I honestly agree with you on everything after ragnarok is not canon. Although I love Thor ragnarok, it’s an entertaining movie and ive seen it more times then I should, thinking about it now I’ve never seen Thor ragnarok as canon. it’s just been a movie that’s really shitty but entertaining, and funny when you don’t have context about the characters.

I just hate that it’s so disrespectful to the actual characters. AND what’s even worse, is that I did not even consider the movie disrespectful to the characters until I was on tumblr and found threads of old posts/things you’ve reblogged on why it is.

And everything after it, has come tumbling after.

People need to realise there’s a difference between entertaining cinema, vs actual good Quality cinema. Especially with something like marvel because it’s all “connected”. Marvel is choosing quantity over quality and it’s clearly showing.

Yup. Marvel-Disney has become the 'Five Minute Crafts' of movie making. They're pumping out multiple shows and movies annually, but there's hardly any substance to them anymore. Nothing actually connects in this so-called cinematic universe, but the promos and interviews will try to fool you into believing it.

There's no cohesive story, only easter eggs abound. They're mostly meaningless, because most of them have their roots in different storylines in the comics, not the movies. Like, wtf was Thanoscopter doing in the Loki series? Or why was Sylvie wearing the broken crown (which was originally worn by AoA Loki for very specific reasons)?

Moreover, every new entity boasts of bringing in a drastic change into the multiverse or having a powerful character like no other before them. Yet, all of this is forgotten in the next entity they release. Rinse repeat.

The problem with Ragnarok was that it wanted to be funnier and bigger than GOTG--a movie that somewhat broke the mold for MCU movies at that time. It constituted an unlikely team of antiheroes who became heroic, and it had a more zany kind of humour to it.

What Ragnarok didn't note was that GOTG had heart. It had zany humour, yes, but it also had plenty of poignant moments. It didn't make a joke out of everything, most certainly not the characters. Every character was handled carefully, their trauma and loss acknowledged despite their negative actions.

Ragnarok failed supremely at this. Bruce turned into a parody of anxiety attacks and 'useless' nerdiness (7 PhDs but can't fly a ship, haha). Loki--a character of a subjugated race, taken from his people, raised to hate his own race, a clear victim of Asgard's imperialistic and colonial agenda, was made fun of for simply existing. His trauma was ignored, his relationship to Thor was twisted to make Thor into a victim, and instead, his main oppressor, Odin, was glorified despite his war crimes and invasions. What more, the fact that Thor left Loki to die on Sakaar was glossed over and made into a joke. Valkyrie (she still doesn't have a name, even post l&t) was introduced as a slave trader (does anyone find it sus that a woman of colour was shown as a slave trader?) and this part of her life was never acknowledged again, not even by Bruce, even though she traded the hulk to the GM.

Thor...sigh, where do I even begin? Gone was the considerate and thoughtful Thor we had seen in TDW, the Thor who acknowledged his father's bad decisions and tried to counter them by putting his own life on the line. Gone was the Thor who held his dying brother in his arms and cried. Granted, canon Thor had his issues to overcome, but he was never crass and inconsiderate like Ragnarok Thor. Ragnarok not only uprooted Thor from his growing self awareness and growth, it uprooted him wholly from Asgard. Killed off his friends and killed off his home. And made a joke about it all.

There's so much more to say about that trash movie and it's confused purpose, but all in all, it put the first nail into the whole franchise' coffin. L&T is only a continuation of that, based in the same theme of ridicule and distasteful humour.

What rankles is that it could've been a great movie, had Chris and Taika taken their heads out of their respective asses for a bit to think it over. But they were too busy making toilet level jokes and jerking around the sets, ignoring the script (which btw had Thor admitting to his mistakes to Loki) and just improvising everything with their bs logic. Taika didn't even do his research on the characters.

And that's something he's proud of. A theme that has continued with the creators in other Marvel entities too.

I just feel very sad about it. Because phase 1 (even 2) Marvel was something if quality. Now, the characters these phases had established are either (unfairly) dead or completely unrecognisable. I no longer have any sense of anticipation for their new stuff. I don't even want to watch new movies or shows.*

Anyhow, thanks for visiting my askbox. ♥️

*Moon Knight is the only exception, and you'd note the show had no prominent easter eggs or even mentions of other characters from the MCU. Mayhe there's something to be said about that.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I kinda find it funny how, if Ed didn't break up with Bella and then chase after Victoria in NM, we might not have gotten the events of Eclipse. Girl was just vibing with her makeshift "guards," and he had to mess it all up by having her see how newborn armies work and inspire her. Do you think Vic would've still would've gone after Bella if not for NM's events (and how it'd go down)? Cause low key I think it's funnier if she wasn't a danger but Ed made her into one jfksaldjf.-Sw

I think she would have.

True, Victoria comes up with the newborn army scheme after Edward chases her down to Mexico, but she also doesn't use it right away. She tests the waters in Forks for a very long time before she decides to invade.

In other words I, sigh, agree with Edward on this: Victoria was coming back to murder Bella Swan in vengeance no matter what was happening.

Without the newborn army, however, things would have played out very differently.

A Bit on the Romantic Tragedy Penned by Edward Cullen

First, a note, Edward had always intended to leave Bella. From the moment he realized he was in love with her he told himself that he would one day leave her. It was just a matter of when.

In Twilight, he's torn. He knows he shouldn't be a part of her life, that bringing her into his world almost necessitates her becoming a vampire, but he also really doesn't want to let her go. He doesn't think he's strong enough to do it.

And as Bella keeps getting herself into danger he gives himself more and more excuses.

If he's not there, then Bella will get crushed by a van or raped in an alley or eaten by bears. Her number's up, and Edward is single handedly fighting fate to keep this angel alive.

Bella needs Edward, therefore he can't possibly go.

The birthday party put things back into perspective. Edward's family is the most dangerous threat to Bella there is, Edward himself really may lose control one day and devour her, and unless she turns (which Edward absolutely does not want) then she has no future with him.

The family has to leave now.

However, if there's no birthday party, then Edward doesn't have that catalyst and reminder. He likely decides to himself that he will leave Bella after graduation, his family will move towns, Bella will attend whichever university she attends, and he will have had a few wonderful years with Bella pretending he's a regular high school boy dating a regular high school girl.

When Bella then dies a natural human death sometime later, Edward will go to Volterra and kill himself (and force the Volturi's hand when Aro refuses to do it).

Of course, he'd probably break here too, but that's a different story.

I do think without Jasper's slip up and the birthday party, that Edward would have stuck around for New Moon.

The World Without Bella's Birthday Party

Bella throws the fit she didn't in canon.

She doesn't want this birthday party, she never asked for this birthday party, AND WHY DOES BELLA ALWAYS HAVE TO HUMOR ALICE?!

Bella has had a summer filled with Alice. In canon, this was a delight, in this world Bella realizes that maybe they spend most of their time doing what Alice wants to do rather than what Bella wants to do.

Alice is clearly throwing this party for Alice's sake, everyone knows it, and Edward tells her, "Please humor my sister and be a good sport."

Isn't this party supposed to be about Bella?

Alice is terribly upset and does not handle any of this well, Edward tells Bella to be reasonable and be the better person and give Alice this party, Rosalie thinks this is all petty bullshit but has mild respect for Bella on calling Alice out on this, and Carlisle is rubbing his temples somewhere trying to let the children deal with this themselves.

In the end, they compromise, Bella's birthday is Edward taking her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant in Seattle of Alice's choice, Bella wearing a fancy Chanel dress that Alice selected for her.

Bella's still embarrassed and miserable, but at least there aren't a billion pink candles.

As a result, there's no birthday party, no papercut, and no dumping.

The next several months instead are spent with Bella and Alice in a battle of wills and a real rough spot in their friendship. Bella tries to explain to Edward that Alice treats her like a doll, not a person.

Edward, of course, has no idea what she's talking about.

Bella fails to realize that Edward also treats her like a doll and not a person.

Laurent's Scouting Mission

As in canon, Laurent is probably sent by Victoria to scout. Victoria probably never left the area which means (remember this is book universe where Riley was in California) that she never turned Riley.

Without being all over the Forks area killing hikers, probably fewer wolves are turned. Yes, the Cullens are in the area, but they've been there three years, are very non-threatening, and in that time only Sam shifted.

We don't see the deluge of shifting until after the Cullens have left and Victoria starts actively attacking the area.

(Yes, this is worthy of a meta but that meta is not this meta)

Regardless, Laurent shows up, Sam's not sure if he's one of those friends of the Cullens or not, and Laurent walks in to see that all the Cullens are there.

Just like he expected.

Because Victoria has sent him to die.

Carlisle feels a headache coming on but is not shocked to see that Laurent's eyes are red again after only a few months. (Though this explains the sobbing phone call that Carlisle got from Irina asking if he'd seen Laurent because that beautiful, perfect, man has gone missing!)

Laurent provides some weasley bullshit explanation anyway. He asks, though it's really more of a demand, that he join the Cullen coven (much larger than the Denali, very gifted, and very powerful). Carlisle says no, Laurent has to stick to the diet if he joins the coven and he has to mean it. Given Laurent's current appearance, it seems as if Laurent is not willing to do that.

Laurent then begs them to let him stay: Victoria will murder him otherwise (and oh by the way she's after your Lunchable Bella Swan). That gets Edward into action, he demands Laurent's death and that he then hunt down Victoria personally.

Carlisle politely suggests that Laurent, rather than seek shelter from them who he knows Victoria intends to cross paths with, go back to the Denali and give the diet another whirl.

Laurent flees back to the Denali, Irina is ecstatic to see him. Victoria's not even surprised.

The family discusses what to do about Victoria. Carlisle would rather not hunt this woman down on hearsay alone. Jasper thinks they should have killed her to start and letting her escape was foolishness, he told them she'd be back. Edward for once is with Jasper, Victoria must be destroyed before she can harm Bella. They look to Alice and, yeah, there's a good possibility that Victoria will be back.

Edward is torn between hunting down Victoria and protecting Bella in person. Jasper leaves before he can make the decision, which of course angers Edward beyond belief, but, well, he guesses it is what it is.

Edward decides to not tell Bella that a vampire is after her life: it'll just worry her.

Jasper's Hunting Mission

Jasper likely has a devil of a time catching Victoria, as he did the first time, because of her gift. He ends up having very long phone calls with Alice as he tries to coordinate a successful solution to this.

Because Edward never left Bella, she never sought out Jake. She never forms her friendship with Jake nor realizes the secret behind the shapeshifters.

Billy tries to give Bella a few more ominous warnings but there's no getting through to this girl.

Edward never proposes to Bella because he's intent on leaving her after graduation. He does not tell Bella this though she constantly worries about it.

He assures her they can have a long distance relationship at college (he has no such intentions).

Victoria is kept out of the Forks area by Jasper and likely takes the one obvious route left to her. She has nothing left to live for, and it doesn't matter how much terror she lives in the Volturi, if this means her death then so be it.

She goes to the Volturi and narks on the Cullens.

Victoria Narks

It... does not go as planned.

Aro placates Caius with many excuses: this girl is in her primary schooling, is the only daughter of a police chief, she cannot simply disappear.

Carlisle is likely waiting until after she graduates and can disappear across the country.

And yes, technically this James fellow had bit Bella and they had their perfect chance but... Well, Aro will talk to Carlisle, it is not breaking the law yet.

Aro travels to Forks in person with Renata, shows up on Carlisle's doorstep, and says, "We need to talk."

Aro lays down the law, this girl better be turned after graduation, and Aro can only stall Caius so long. Also, great to see you, you built yourself a coven and that's perfectly marvelous.

Edward, of course, throws a fit but the law is the law and the law just visited them for tea. Aro makes it very clear that either Bella is turned, she dies, or Aro will have no choice to take adverse action against Edward at the very least (if not Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens).

Aro also points out this is an unsustainable relationship that's not good for anybody. Yes, it's too bad the girl has no choice, but they really should have thought of that before Edward walked around strongly hinting he wasn't human.

Edward insists they vote.

The vote doesn't go the way he likes.

Esme doesn't want Edward to live in misery after Bella dies, Rosalie doesn't like the idea of turning Bella but it appears they have no choice, Jasper (via conference call) doesn't want to be the one to eat Bella and it's stupid given the VOLTURI IS IN THE ROOM FOR THIS VOTE, and Carlisle notes that it appears Bella has no other option and at least this seems to be what she wants?

They will turn Bella after graduation.

Edward smashes a TV.

They tell Edward to tell Bella, it should come from him, Edward never does.

Instead, out of nowhere, he asks her to marry him and elope. They can live on a deserted island somewhere.

Bella thinks this is stupid and says no.

Edward dies inside.

Victoria Chooses Death

Victoria is out of options, the Volturi did not come through, and she wanders out of Volterra in a daze.

She guns it for Forks with Jasper hot on her tail. If there's one thing left for her, she will murder this Bella Swan before she dies. She fails, Jasper catches up to her in Forks and murders her.

No one tells Bella.

Graduation

After graduation, Carlisle picks Bella up. Bella has no idea what's happening, Carlisle assumes she does. Carlisle lays down the game plan, she's going to take a summer abroad before school starts, travelling with Alice, then both she and Alice will disappear in an accident.

Bella asks him to hold up, what the hell is he talking about?

Carlisle realizes with dull horror that Edward never told Bella. He awkwardly explains that the Volturi personally came to visit and, well, they have to turn Bella into a vampire.

He's very sorry.

Bella's very on board with this, she asks if it can be Edward that does it.

Carlisle says no, that's not a good idea.

They stare at each other.

Carlisle cannot believe Edward didn't tell her.

Edward and Bella do not get married nor does she have sex with him as a human.

[tornrose24]

Another addition to the RE8 Happy AU:

Transportation to the village can be done by the Duke, since he has a cart and all. Or Ethan can trade the duke something valuable or interesting so the Duke can build him a functioning cart.

To address Alcina’s dislike of men, how about when it is her turn to see Rose, Mia is the one who supervises instead of Ethan (although this does not stop him from worrying very much because he nearly lost his wife once in RE7). Ethan maaaaaaay have snuck into the castle a couple of times just to check, and Alcina has to pretend with every ounce of self control she can muster to pretend she does not notice (but she totally knows).

Heisenberg would totally teach Rose how to swear. Also I imagine he once accidentally static shocked Rose with his poofy hair, causing her to cry, and after that Mia is comforting Rose while Ethan starts screaming bloody murder and straight up starts beating Heisenberg with a metal pole (Or Mia beats him up while Ethan holds Rose). Alcina never let Heisenberg live that one down.

Donna definitely puts on puppet shows to entertain Rose. And has a new doll for Rose every visit, and soon Rose has amassed a collection of varying dolls. Angie likes to play patty cake with Rose, which always makes Rose laugh. Also tea parties are a must.

Moreau was allowed to carry Rose using a crate since they weren’t sure if he could carry Rose without accidentally dropping her in his reservoir. Sometimes she would fall asleep in the crate and Moreau would use a cloth sack as a blanket so she doesn’t get cold.

@xx---locketdragon---xx

Honestly I’m not sure how transportation normally works between the outside world and the village. I’d see The Duke involved, but I think he’d have his own things going on/stuff to do too. If the lords left the village they’d need their own customized modes of transportation (though I can’t imagine Moreau being able to leave if his transformations happen without warning, and I don’t know if he’d be down with just leaving the village for too long).

Yeah, I think Mia would be more welcomed in Castle Dimetrescu (hopefully she was treated alright while in captivity, because whatever DLC you guys get probably won’t be forgiving for her). She won’t worry about being added to Lady D’s wine, but there’s still a slight uneasiness on her end. And it’d get awkward if Alcina finds out about Mia’s involvement with the ‘sort of but not quite fifth sibling’ a few years back.

I could see Ethan doing that, but I think Alcina would eventually snap and kick him out since she’s not always patient. But at least its Rose’s father and not yet another disgusting man-thing with lustful intentions, because THOSE guys aren’t as lucky as Ethan.

Rose learned a few curse words from Heisenberg, and unfortunately for the Winters, the first one she spoke was the dreaded ‘F***’ word. And since neither of them curse around their daughter, it doesn’t take them long to figure out who imparted that knowledge to her.

I’m not sure the full effects of Heisenberg’s power, but him static shocking Rose at some point on accident would make sense. I think it’d be funnier if Mia beat Ethan to the punch and was the one to beat Heisenberg’s ass. Oh, but it’d get better–one of Alcina’s servants was nearby at the time and actually recorded the beat down with her phone to show her Lady in addition to recounting what happened. And after Alcina has a good laugh, she’d look at the servant and says “I will give you a significant raise in your salary if you can find a way to give me a replica of this recording so I can watch it whenever I wish.” 

I don’t know if Donna would give Rose too many dolls, since she’d be too small to properly care for them for awhile (and I’m sure those dolls would be expensive for a reason). Plus Ethan might put his foot down at first given what happened last time he ran into any of Donna’s dolls. The idea of Angie herself playing with Rose is adorable, though since Angie is Donna’s special doll, Donna would be cautious with how Rose interacts with Angie. Yes, tea parties are a must. ^_^ The ultimate tea party with the dolls. (I admit a part of me has imagined the monster baby in that scenario too, but I’m not sure if it’d actually work or not if is an actual hallucination).

Moreau would absolutely need something specially designed to keep Rose secure around the water, and it’d need to float if it ended up in the water (actually, maybe she’d need a little life vest and floaties to be safe). Assuming he started hiring workers to help with the reservoir, he’d have some help on hand. (Also, the sack as a blanket is oddly cute).

Also, I just remembered he has a TV and ‘supposedly’ a PS4 if the puppet show holds some canon. And there’s a lot of potential with those in mind, like he’d try to get her to play ‘Marvel vs. Capcom’ or whatever would exist in the Resident Evil universe, but she’s way too little and tries chewing on the controller instead.

[adobe-outdesign]

I posted 3,458 times in 2021

1827 posts created (53%)

1631 posts reblogged (47%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.9 posts.

I added 4,152 tags in 2021

#five nights at freddy's - 673 posts

#bendy and the ink machine - 610 posts

#pokemon - 601 posts

#anonymous - 585 posts

#that's comedy - 489 posts

#entomology - 288 posts

#reblog 2: electric boogaloo - 242 posts

#ask - 241 posts

#fnaf: short stories - 216 posts

#video - 207 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#doesn't matter how many pics of rhinoceros beetles i see they're never gonna stop looking like sculptures to me and not actual living things

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

my never ending search to acquire more and more obscure pieces of Pokemon media has lead me to understand some wild shit in gen 1 and 2. like anytime you think “oh that’s weird, why is [thing] like that” it’s probably either some obscure shit or something got changed in beta

for example, you know those weird-ass pokedex entries for Kadabra that are like “lol a kid turned into one of these once. no we’re not explaining anything”

well there’s this book in Japan called Pocket Monsters Encyclopedia released in 1996 that was never translated. It’s notable for basically being the Forbidden Adult Pokedex(TM) that we all want, as it has much longer ‘dex entries for each Pokemon along with more scientific data. While large portions have been retconned over the years, it offers some massive insight into what was going through the dev’s minds when writing this shit, and is 100% canon (for the time period it was written in).

anyway, while it was never translated, DidYouKnowGaming?, being the hero we all need, purchased a copy and had the same translator who translated the games themselves translate the book. Part 1 of the video is below, and I highly recommend you check it out if you like obscure vintage Pokemon shit.

Anyway, the point is that this is what it says about Kadabra:

FUCKING KAFKA. IN MY POKEMON. IT’S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU MIGHT THINK

So basically the ‘dex entries are referencing an in-universe book plot that’s a reference to The Metamorphosis, except due to a lack of space they fucking cut out the part about it being a book, which seems kind of important, but hey what do I know

(Side note: the ‘dex entries saying stuff like “it is rumored that” and “a theory exists” don’t quite line up with it being a book plot, so it’s possible this was retconned, or the book was based off an in-universe event. but this at least tells us why these weird-ass entries exist in the first place and that’s enough for me)

anyway the most important part of this is that the Abra line is confirmed to not be based on foxes, possums, or cats, but cockroaches. thank you for coming to my TED talk

3371 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 21:00:53 GMT

#4

Pokemon except it’s like real animal taxonomy so there’s like 550 different species of Cutiefly that can only be separated by DNA tests

4199 notes • Posted 2021-06-07 21:01:26 GMT

#3

okay was anyone gonnna tell me that this is how TMs look in FireRed/LeafGreen

can you imagine someone handing you a TM and you go “oh I know what to do with this!” and then smack it directly on your cat’s forehead

5516 notes • Posted 2021-09-30 21:01:43 GMT

#2

Can asexuals feel lust for life? What about bloodlust? Lust for power? Lust to run wild? Or does nothing have power over you?

I can't speak for other aces but personally I constantly experience bloodlust

8790 notes • Posted 2021-08-12 02:22:06 GMT

#1

I realize it’s just because they’re trying to introduce the audience to the concept of Pokemon and everything but nothing will ever be funnier to me than prof oak being like “these are creatures called Pokemon, they live in all sorts of environments!” like imagine if you met a biology professor and they were like ‘I’ve been studying these intriguing creatures called “animals”’

50822 notes • Posted 2021-04-30 21:00:53 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[dai-bendu-conlang]

Qui-Gon’s Last Words in Dai-Bendu — a Meta/Explanation

So very early into this project, loosingletters and I (ghostwriter) watched The Phantom Menace together, and when Qui-Gon died, we looked at each other and were like “We can make this way sadder in translation, can’t we?” 

And so off we went, with that goal in mind. 

Because we went into this thinking “can we improve this interaction via language/translation?”  we need to first first explain why we don’t love Qui-Gon’s last words in canon, to then explain why we made the changes that we did.

The reasons are as follows:

Qui-Gon’s last words have nothing to do with Obi-Wan, the person he is saying goodbye to.

His last words being an order about Anakin left a weird taste in our mouths

We wanted this to feel more intimate and more emotional

So, we started with ways we could change the connotation of the words being used. We came at it from a lens of assuming that the dialogue was a classic “bad translation” of what was actually said; as in, someone translated the literal meanings of the words into English, and lost a lot of the social meanings that the words might have in their original contexts. 

Here are Qui-Gon’s original last words, in canon:

Obi-Wan: Master! Master! Qui-Gon: It’s too late. It’s too… Obi-Wan: No! Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan, promise...promise me you'll train the boy Obi-Wan: Yes, Master Qui-Gon: He is the chosen one...he will...bring balance...train him!

(Sidenote: upon actually looking up the dialogue, we were honestly shocked by how, like. Bare bones it is. And how pretty much all the emotion of that scene comes only from Neeson and McGregor acting their hearts out. So, kudos.)

When looking at this dialogue, we singled out the following things as points we could build on: 

Jedi cultural values regarding teaching (which we all have a lot of Feelings about)

The word “promise”

The whole idea of balance

And then we proceeded to go to town. 

The Dai Bendu translation of this dialogue is as follows:

Obi-Wan: Jaieh! Jaieh! Qui-Gon: Im enoh...nev forpai paikazah Obi-Wan: Shet. Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan, ikio… ikio fehl paipadenji keel nev paqorak. Obi-Wan: Haj dai, Jaieh. Qui-Gon: Enoah kar... daisha. Pauji... kar aimato’ak. Paden... karak.

Firstly, the things we didn’t change, ie: pretty much all of Obi-Wan’s dialogue.

Obi-Wan says, in order, “Master, Master!” (though he uses the Jedi-specific word for it, which also translates to “teacher”), “No.” and “Yes, Master,” just like in the original script. The most significant thing here is that the Dai Bendu word for “Yes” directly translates to “Force-Wills,” which could be read as some unintentional, ouchy subtext that both implies that Obi-Wan is agreeing with Qui-Gon’s point about Anakin being the Chosen One as a final act of comfort (because he’s expressed doubt about the possibility before), as well as conceding to both himself, Qui-Gon, and the universe that the Force has willed his Master’s death. 

Next, the things that changed from the script mostly as a symptom of the ways that Dai Bendu is different from English/Basic. For instance, Qui-Gon refers to Anakin as “the child” rather than “the boy,” because Dai Bendu does not express gender in that way. Instead of saying “it’s too late,” a more word-for-word direct translation of “Im enoh nev forpai paikazah” would be “no time is left,” which both lines up with how we imagine time works in Dai Bendu (link here), and is more natural to the way Dai Bendu handles sentence structure (“it’s too late” is a very English sentence construction). 

And now we get to the meaning changes. Other than changing the structure, “im enoh nev forpai paikazah” also adds “pai,” our consequential prefix, to “kazah,” which is the present-tense of the verb “kaza” or “to leave.” That makes the sentence mean something like “no time is left, and because of that the future has changed.” This is essentially Qui-Gon admitting to both himself and to Obi-Wan that his death is going to change, at the very least, Obi-Wan’s future forever, and also the future of the entire universe (though whether or not Qui-Gon knows this last part, in a Force-saturated moment right before death, is unclear in both the original version and our version). 

Qui-Gon’s next line is “Obi-Wan, ikio… ikio fehl paipadenji keel nev paqorak.” Again, we have the consequential prefix, this time attached to “paden,” which means “to guide/to teach,” here in the future tense. The implication of that being something like “teach him and it will alter the future.” Adding the consequential prefix to something which is already in the future tense is considered repetitive — comparable to saying something like “it is so enormously big” in English. A native speaker making the choice to add it here illustrates a conscious emphasis. Qui-Gon is really trying to express how important he thinks teaching Anakin is. 

We also have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about the Jedi as a people who are dedicated to teaching as a cultural value. On top of being archivists and having/keeping a vast collection of knowledge, Jedi do pretty much nothing but study/learn their entire lives. They are dedicated diplomats and so on, but outside of that they seem to want to foster understanding and that in-and-of itself is always a lesson. In TCW, for instance, everything is a teachable moment for someone. The fact that so much careful consideration is put into who you pick as your Padawan, and that you retain a deep connection to them even when the apprenticeship is over, shows that this connection and this act of teaching is immensely important. It is considered a standard part of each Jedi’s life to step into that teaching role at least once — nearly every Jedi takes on at least one apprentice. If you take Obi-Wan as an example, he spent half his time in the PT being a student, and then the other half being a teacher. So here, Qui-Gon is taking one of their culture’s most important values and handing it to Obi-Wan. 

Then we have the word for “promise” we used, “ikio.” While we have a standard word for promise, “aima,” the word that Qui-Gon uses here instead is one with more cultural meaning. “Ikio” refers to a very specific kind of promise, something like “promise me because you love me,” or “promise me because I trust you above all.”  The word dates back to the Jedi-Sith schism, where it was used as an oath to state that you trust this person to take your lightsaber and bring it back to your home temple, should you die in battle.

Which means that, holistically, the line “Obi-Wan, ikio… ikio fehl paipadenji keel nev paqorak” both places the highest amount of trust possible in Obi-Wan’s hands, while also stating that Qui-Gon believes him ready of preforming one of their most culturally important values, and trusts him implicitly to carry that out. 

Finally, the line “Enoah kar... daisha. Pauji... kar aimato’ak. Paden... karak.” Some of this is, again, just us having words in Dai Bendu which Basic doesn’t have. “Daisha” is the word for Chosen One, the one referred to as such specifically to that old prophecy Qui-Gon likes so much. It’s a word that all Jedi would be familiar with, but usually in the context of folk tales. It’s like calling someone “The Once and Future King.” (Which also makes Qui-Gon talking to the Council way funnier — ���hey guys, I found King Arthur!” “what the fuck??”). Qui-Gon also uses the third person Jedi/in-community pronouns when referring to Anakin, showing that he already thinks of this kid as a Jedi. 

Then there is the concept of “aimato,” here in the accusative case as “aimato’ak.” Aimato is the word for “cosmic balance,” which is both a very important idea in Jedi philosophy, and also a very big and abstract concept. And like any other big and abstract concept which has a large impact on lives and culture, like Love or Brotherhood or Democracy or God, it’s something that individual people and individual Jedi have different conceptions of and ideas about. This is a culture of warrior-philosophers — pretty much everyone has a slightly different theory as to what aimato/”cosmic balance” is supposed to mean and what it will look like when it is achieved, or if it’s possible to achieve, from "it means that one day the Force shows itself to all people" to "it's about finding balance within only yourself" to "it means that evil will finally stand down" to "it means that all who strive for it will achieve peace" to "it's in tiny everyday moments." People sit around and debate this for hours. 

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan deeply disagree on it’s definition, given their specialties in the Living vs. Unifying Force, and have essentially had an ongoing debate about it for years. It’s an old, comfortable argument both of them know that neither is ever going to win. They could both probably recite the other’s points in their sleep. However, it’s something they end up going back to every time they have a spare moment with nothing else to do. 

Qui-Gon bringing it up here is not only referring to something very important in their culture, it’s almost like referencing an old, treasured inside joke between him and his student, which is something Obi-Wan would pick up on right away. 

So, to summarize; we attempted to modify this very... Anakin-focused last dialogue, and instead make it about Qui-Gon telling Obi-Wan he trusts him above all, specifically to teach (which, again, with Jedi and their teaching focused culture is a HUGE thing) and to continue their discussions and keep their traditions going with this child.

It’s also a fun thought experiment in translation studies — sometimes, things really can get lost in a one-for-one translation of something, when cultural and collaborative meaning aren’t considered and translated accordingly. 

Thank you for reading!

[knightotoc]

This Empire + Rebellion combo logo in rainbow lolololol🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

They really should've stuck to just the Rebellion (they do that on a pin so idk why they made it weird on the jersey), BUT it would have been much funnier if they had just the Empire symbol in rainbow. Kind of need that for Palpatine fr. Can you imagine!!

Like what is this combo symbol trying to say... How could it mean anything besides "Both sides are equal(ly gay)"

I mean, now that I'm overthinking it, I can actually think of more canonically gay Imperials than Rebels. And a bunch of those gay Rebels used to be gay Imperials (Magna, Sinjir). So yeah, in-universe, a rainbow Empire symbol would have a lot of buyers😂 Which sounds insane but I suppose the explanation is that homophobia does not exist anywhere in the GFFA, not even the Empire (the Empire is more humane than USA?😬oof), and it's just a wild and crazy coincidence that all the main characters are straight lol

Anyway what really captured my attention is the "Believe, Belong, Be Proud" directives. "Be Proud," got it, standard corporate code for gay sex. "Belong" is strange, but it does help to explain the Empire-Rebellion combo, because if you buy this jersey your money and support go to this powerful company and ALSO to the nice charities this promotion is supporting (which includes at least one in my very neighborhood). So the jersey is saying you belong to at least two groups which are essentially opposed to each other but realistically overlap in all kinds of wacky ways. In other words, it's corporate code for assimilate🤪

But "Believe" is the one that really tickles me, because that is EXACTLY what corporations tell us to do about Christmas! I mean that's Josh Groban 101. So I thought the unspoken object was "Santa" and the real unspoken object was the rest of the Apostle's Creed (or whatever the Protestant equivalent is). Like, this poor word already has so many levels of coded baggage, but even I don't think those well-trodden meanings apply here

My first thought was "Believe in the Force," which works with "Belong" in the cosmic sense, though doesn't really have anything to do with uh, the assignment. My second thought was "Believe in a future where all people have bodily autonomy" but at that point we're all just making stuff up, especially me

Obviously the lack of commitment is the entire point. If corporate Pride merch is one of those art forms where the meaning is meaninglessness, then this jersey is a mighty example. Though idk if cowards can make art