#don't have high hopes for 2023 either

[sucksinlosers]

-

[jaylver]

ALL OF THE GIRLS YOU LOVED BEFORE — P.JS

SYNOPSIS: growing up, you've always known this one boy who was your father's best friend's son. as you grew older, you watched the girls come and go, at the same time, you somehow got closer to him as well. feelings sparked and you progressively found yourself liking him. what were you going to do? kiss him.

PAIRINGS: childhood friend!jay x afab!reader

GENRE: childhood friend to lovers, romance, a pinch of angst

WARNING(S): profanities, two of them being a bit dumb

WC: 3049

AUTHOR NOTES: i'm in a jay brainrot and after hearing miss swift's newest song, i knew i needed to write something. it isn't the best i admit, i rushed it HEKSJ but i hope you'll like it! PLEASE GIVE SOME FEEDBACKS THANKIES 🫶

masterlist | © jaylver 2023 all rights reserved

Ever since you were a kid, you knew this boy from your father's best friend. Park Jong Seong, also known as Jay. He was the son of your father's life long best friend, but unlike them, you and Jay didn't happen to be as close.

You were six when you first met him. It was his birthday and your dad had dragged you over to his house against your will, typical. You didn't have any high expectations for him as a kid, just wishing he had some legos for you to play.

Up till the moment you were facing him, your fathers introducing you to each other, you only realised how cute he was. Yes, little six year old you might've had a love at first sight moment. You can't blame yourself, his chubby cheeks and shy demeanour made you more curious.

You handed him his present silently, watching as he accepted it and in the next moment, his face broke into a small smile, grabbing your wrist and bringing you into his playroom.

Unfortunately, you and Jay barely met up after that, both of you having busy lives and your parents having no time to bring you to playdates either. You didn't think much of it as a kid, thinking of him as the funny boy who had tons of legos and that was it.

You figured you'll never see him again despite him being your father's best friend's son, but you were wrong. In the next few years, you would always go over his house for birthdays and the new years, it basically became a tradition. 

Of course, only seeing one another once or twice a year, each year would be a different version of him, and you began noticing the big change he went through when you were sixteen. 

Jay was much taller, voice deeper, his hair parted in a different way, his style evolved and the way his face had changed too … lord, he evolved like a pokemon.  

You being a sixteen year old teen wasn't helping either. It was the prime year for a girl like you to be having crushes, chasing after guys, basically overwhelming hormones that had you thinking Jay was cute. Cute cute. 

On that specific new year, you remembered having to do a double take when you entered the Parks' house, not realising he was, in fact, Jay. You hid the shyness and did what you always do whenever you're around for New Years Eve. 

But that night, both of your parents were out for a party, in their words 'a party for adults', dumping their kids alone at home instead. It was awkward to say the least, having to sit on the far end of the couch with a movie playing in the background, Jay seeming half entertained by it.

"Hey," he scooted over and you turned over to see him inching close and closer until his shoulder was against yours.

"Yeah?" He can't be trying to hook up, right? You can't help but think, nervousness creeping up your throat.

"I heard there's a New Years party in town, let's sneak out?"

"Really?" 

"Do you trust me?"

"I–I guess?"

"It's a 'yes' or 'no', Y/N,"

Panic and adrenaline rushed over you, fearing your parents would beat your ass knowing you're sneaking out, but it was Jay. You couldn't really say no. "Yes, fine,"

Jay replied only with a happy grin, snatching your wrist and switching the tv off, dashing out into the garage. "Don't worry, I've driven before,"

"If you crash, I'll kill you," you hissed but Jay ignored your threat, blissfully driving to the town.

Along the way, it felt like a scene from a coming of age movie. The radio was turned to the fullest volume, the two of you screaming your lungs out to the lyrics and having the windows opened, wind blowing against your faces. 

The ride was quite short but memorable, your hand was in Jay's the whole time as he led you through the fun fair, the whole town alighted with bright lights and loud music. 

The clock was ticking and Jay had finally dragged you to a specific spot. The place was empty and quiet, but the sky was clear and there weren't any buildings to cover your sight.

"This spot is the best for fireworks," Jay mentioned, sitting on the ground, which you followed suit.

"Really?"

"Yeah, my friend's brought me here once,"

"That's … cool," you said uneasily, an awkward tension unknowingly settled between the two of you.

"How's life for you?" Jay glanced at you, a hint of genuine curiosity in his eyes.

"It's fine. Typical highschool stuff. A guy did confess to me once, but I didn't feel the same," you found yourself babbling secret information, unsure why you were suddenly so comfortable with Jay. Maybe it was his presence, or maybe it was just him in general.

"You're amazing obviously, I'm not surprised he confessed. Just a shame it wasn't mutual," Jay said and your ears perked up.

Jay thought you were amazing. 

"Right," you choked out, slightly flustered. "What about you?"

"It's chill, not much going on," Jay was fidgeting with his fingers, chewing on his lips. "I'm in a band with my friends though,"

"Oh! That's really cool,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," you repeated. "I'm sure you're super good. What position are you?"

"I play the guitar,"

"You should teach me someday,"

"You should come by more often," he confessed, gulping a little after realising what he had said. "It's been a long while since we've met,"

"You're right, come pick me up then,"

"Only on nights my parents are out," he laughed, pausing for a second. "Come to my show one day,"

He wasn't asking, he was making it clear he wanted you there. 

"Of course, I'd love to."

The night faded off into colourful fireworks, small jokes that would soon be inside jokes in the future, and tired laughs rang into the quietness.

This was the only time you were sixteen and doing something wild, considering you would never ever have the balls to sneak out, but you were glad you did it that night, and all of it together with Jay. 

Your lives went on and though you and Jay barely kept in contact, his request rang in your head from time to time. You felt like you've known him all your life, yet you knew completely nothing about him at the same time.

Around April the same year, you went over to his house to celebrate your birthday together with him since you two shared close birthdays and it pretty much became a tradition by now. 

Upon arriving, you awkwardly stepped into the house, your parents too busy talking with Jay's parents out in the garden. Everything was familiar to you, but also unfamiliar as you've never travelled further in, feeling slightly tense while you sat yourself on the couch.

"Y/N?" 

You turned your head around, meeting Jay's eyes, his body leaning against the wall. He smiled at once, approaching you and taking a seat next to you, he was a little too close.

"Jay, hi," you breathed out, blinking slowly. 

"How have you been? We haven't seen each other much lately, but you do seem like you're having fun in your stories," for a moment you've forgotten you and Jay were following each other on Instagram, having the access to view your day to day life.

"Oh, it's nothing, just a girl's trip," he was referring to the day you went out of town with your friends, quite surprised he somehow took note of it.

"Sounds fun," he mused, nodding a little. "By the way, my girlfriend's coming, I hope you don't mind,"

You totally just experienced whiplash, completely bewildered that he had a … girlfriend?! You weren't surprised since he's cool, tall, handsome and super smart, but you hadn't expected it this early.

"I'm chill with it," you laughed it off, trying to seem nonchalant. "I didn't know you had a girlfriend,"

"Oh, yeah, we met at a gig of mine," he gave you a half grin. "Which you should totally come and get blown away by my skills,"

"As if," you giggled. "Send me the place, I'll pop by soon,"

"You promise?"

"I do."

Your sixteenth birthday definitely did hurt more compared to your past ones and it had a simple reason behind it. Well, it was because of Jay. The same Jay you couldn't help crushing over despite having the slightest contact with, but you didn't care, you knew him all your life, and he's the Jay you've always recognized, the same sweet and caring one.

Seeing his girlfriend's birthday card that was written for him on the table had you swallowing your cake sadly. Hearts were drawn around his name in her handwriting. Totally cool.

You kept your promise to Jay and stopped by one of his gigs without letting him know, which surprised him. On the other hand, you were the one who's more surprised. He did live up to his expectations, charming you and the crowd with his guitar skills and honey vocals. Gosh, whatever you were feeling for him, forget it, it's not dissipating.

To repay your kindness, Jay promised to turn up to one of your football games and you just laughed it off, waving your hands, but you knew for a fact that once he had said it, he was really going to do it.

And so he did. He was a man of his words. Luck was on your side too, winning the game victoriously and seeing Jay running up to you once the game was over, the biggest grin plastered on his face. He was practically telling you how good you were that day, bringing you for ice cream after.

Ever since then, your relationship with him grew unexpectedly. You were 17 together, then 18, watching the girls in Jay's life come and go, but the moment you had a boyfriend yourself, he wasn't the most keen on it.

You told yourself he was probably just protective, going through a phase where you thought he just "wouldn't get it". Oh how terribly wrong you were. He did get it, and your first boyfriend ended up breaking your heart.

You cried over a boy whose name you couldn't remember now, hiding in the bathroom until Jay had to drive to your house and slammed your door repeatedly for you to get out.

You said nothing, just falling into his chest with a thud and crying your eyes out. You knew he had a secret 'I told you so' in him, but he didn't say anything, keeping you in his arms until the sun had set.

21, college and being legal enough for alcohol, you and Jay explored frat parties, both being single and available, it was a hidden opportunity. Shots were downed into your throats and thankfully, you shared good alcohol tolerance levels with Jay, meaning it would be a long night ahead.

Someone had brought up hide and seek as the night's party game, and you initially thought it was stupid, but once you heard the winner getting a deal of a 100 dollars, you were in, partnering with Jay naturally.

On the count of ten, you dashed around the frat house with Jay's hand in yours, him following behind like a lost puppy. You entered someone's bedroom, finding a lucky hiding spot in a closet, pulling Jay in.

You closed the closet door shut, not realising how tight the space actually was, your chest pressed against Jay's, heat radiating off of each other's body. You've officially dug yourself a grave.

"Hi," Jay whispered, his gaze soft paired with a childish grin on his face.

"Hi," you smiled back at him, your eyes wandering all over his face, scrutinising his features.

"It's a little hot in here," Jay fanned himself a little awkwardly from the limited space. 

"Definitely," you looked away for a second before staring back at him. "You have a really nice mole here," your finger grazed against his face, but he didn't flinch, accepting your touch.

"Do I?"

"Yeah," you murmured, your fingers moving to the side of his face, gently brushing loose strands of hair away from his face. He was so painfully pretty, you quietly thought in your head.

"You're really pretty, Y/N," he said out of the blue, causing you to freeze, catching you completely off guard. "I don't think I've said it once, but I've always thought you were pretty, beautiful even,"

Uh oh, you're falling in love.

"I don't know what to say," you said truthfully, gulping nervously. "I'm flattered, really, I—uh—thank you," you laughed, your cheeks getting unbearably red.

"You're flustered," he leaned in close to you, his eyes not leaving yours. He was inches away from you, his cologne infiltrating your senses, the scent a little too familiar.

Oh no, you're falling in love again.

"Shut up," you punched his shoulder. "You're such a tease,"

"You love that about me," 

"Sure," you rolled your eyes, ignoring his piercing gaze.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Will you regret it?" Uncertainty laced in your tone, scared, anxious, that you'd ruined something between the two of you.

"No," he answered with a certain sureness in his voice, his eyes truthful and honest. "Will you?"

"If I do, I wouldn't be doing this—" you pulled him in close by the back of his neck, pressing your lips onto his, your brain turning into mush. 

His lips reciprocated back, kissing you deeply and having to place his hand on the side of your neck for some stability. The kiss was more than just a simple one, not the kind that would be forgotten easily, there was something more to it.

It felt like aeons before you finally broke apart, panting heavily against each other's lips, your hands still on his shoulder; his hand now on your waist. 

Oh, you're falling in love.

There were many things you've regretted in life, but this? You would do it over and over again if you had the choice to, and maybe you do.

"I—"

"Is there anyone here?" A voice came from the outside and the two of you froze, hoping it wasn't the seeker. "The game's over," the person yelled out before you heard the door shutting.

"We survived it," you muttered cheekily, trying to ignore Jay's gaze.

"Yeah—uh—" he brushed his hand against his pants, the tension in the air thick enough to be sliced by a knife. "Should I drive you home?"

"Please do."

Ever since that night at the frat party, you've been on and off with Jay. You were caught up with work and Jay was busy, but the part where he said he was having a date did set you off completely.

None of you talked about the kiss. You didn't like the fact that you didn't, waiting for him to speak up about it first, but you hated the waiting game, yet you still couldn't make the first move. Jay seemed like he was about to talk about it every time he hung out with you, but he never did.

Days turned into a week, having only seen Jay once or twice, you figured you were avoiding each other. You hated the feeling, you were dreading it, dreading the fact that one day something like this would happen, and it did.

The silent treatment ended the moment when you were forcefully pulled into his dorm room when you passed by one day. Letting out a yelp in fear until you realised it was Jay. 

"Jay?"

"Hi," he gave you an apologetic smile, holding onto your hand softly. "I—uhm—figured we have to talk … about that night,"

"Oh,"

"Are you avoiding me?" He cut to the chase, shocking you a little.

"No, I thought you were,"

"I wasn't," his eyebrows were furrowed, a quizzical look on his face. Were you two just in denial?

"Look, you asked me if I will regret the kiss and up until now, no, I didn't," sincerity shone in his eyes, his chest heaving. "But did you?"

"Of course not," you breathed out truthfully, noticing a sign of relief in his features.

"Good, because I like you, Y/N," Jay confessed, his gaze dropping to the ground to avoid your wide eyes, hands squeezing yours gently. "All of the girls that I've had in my life, they couldn't compete, you were the only one who mattered most to me. I never realised that, I admit, until I found myself trying to find a little bit of you in the girls I've dated, but none of them could ever compare to you."

You were stunned speechless, your heart twisting and pounding hard against your chest.

"I didn't want to repeat the mistake of doing all the avoiding, it's dumb, so I just want to talk to you here, one on one," he continued. "I'm sorry it took me years to realise. I was in denial that I liked you, I was scared you didn't, and the date I went to, I just couldn't stop thinking about us,"

You resisted the urge to smile, watching as Jay rambled in panic. "I like you too, Jay, ever since we were kids," you shook his hand, trying your best to put on the most reassuring smile. "To be fair, I'm in the wrong too, I didn't really have the balls to say anything either, but I'm just glad we're here now,"

Jay processed your words, features twisting from shock to relief, clear euphoria in his gaze. "Can I be your boyfriend?" 

"I thought you'd never ask,"

You pulled him in by his collar, pressing your lips onto his and you let your hand wander into his hair, feeling him smile against your lips at the gesture. You grinned into the kiss, eliciting a small laugh from Jay in between. You wished to stay like this forever with him.

The stars were aligned, your past and his were intertwined to bring the both of you together. All of the girls he's loved before, forget about them, they made Jay the man you've fallen for in the end, and you're thankful for that, loving him a lot. More than anything and everything.

( © jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )

[neil-gaiman]

Dear Neil,

I hope you're fine!

In 2023 one of the nicest and reveberating thing, that happened to me, was, that I got know Terry's work and after some time, your works too, and, of course Good Omens (yeah...I don't know either, what took me so long...😉).

So, thank you so much for your written universe, I feel totally comfortable in it!

Some time ago, I also got your rewriting of the fairytale "Hänsel and Gretel" by the Brothers Grimm in my hands. I totally like how you made it your own in some way, but also did not disregard its core about wits, endurance, gumption and love. And I have high standards😊, because I grew up with all the Grimm's fairytales and I, even as a small kid, disliked the editions, which tried to paint over fear, sorrow and in some tales, violence and horror, too. Without these plots the solution in the end would just be half the relìef! As you said in your review about Tatars The Annotaited Brothers Grimm the fairtyales are magic mirrors about the world we see or we want to see and which we have to cope and deal with every day.

My three favourite ones are

1.Die Bremer Stadtmusikanten/The Town Musicians of Bremen

Even if your closest people tell you, you are not enough (anymore), you don't fit in and you are worthless, you one day, will find your bunch of soulmates, who are good for you and you can the hell Rock'n Roll with!

2. Die sieben Raben/The seven Ravens

The girl does not wait for some Prince Charming. She herself gets stuff done and does not get herself haunted by some mistakes her parents did years ago.

3. Das tapfere Schneiderlein/The valiant dressmaker

Sometimes weird and spontanous decision can turn your whole life around, in a good way, because they give you the self-consciousness to get it on.

And (finally, sorry) here come my questions:

1. Which are your favourite fairytales of the Brothers Grimm?

2. And why?

I wish you and your family a very merry Christmas, or holidays, and a very good year!

Have fun with Good Omens 3! ❤🌠

Greetings from Germany!

I like your choices, although I'd swap Hansel and Gretel for the Musicians of Bremen.

[cheriladycl01]

I said don't peak C Long, you suck. Oscar/Lando/Liam/Logan x Streamer! Reader

Plot: You are a streamer and competitive Valorant Player for Fnatic, in the off season Lando reaches out after you win Valorant Champion's to teach him how to play as he's getting bored of Fortnite.

A/N: This is very Valorant heavy, if you do not like gaming proceed with caution as you may be a little confused but the good vibes are there!

Credit to givemegifs for the GIF

You were part of the Fnatic Valorant team, in 2023 you'd helped them win back to back championships for Lock//In and VCT Masters. You were offered your seat at the start of 2023.

You were already very close with your IGL Boaster, being from the same area helped. But after meeting your other teammates, Derke, Chronicle and Alfajer you guys became amazing when playing together.

It was hard being the only woman on the team, you'd come from Game Changers being on an all female team to all of these men. However your stats were high and you were a massive part of the team.

You were a complete bombshell, people knew you were good from your IGL role and seeing you compete previously but Fnatic really lucked out having you on their team.

You often hung out with him and his girlfriend Yinsu. You felt bad when they'd offer you to crash their date and often it took hours of convincing you to come with them before you did.

But they got busier, and your other Valorant friends who you either couldn't see because they were on the other side of the world or they were also extremely busier you started to get into a bit of a slump.

You'd go to practice with the team, the only fun and exciting part of your day, before going choosing between a cafe, restaurant or bar to spend your evening in, hoping someone or a group of people would come up and offer you to join them on their nightly adventures.

After an extremely good start to 2024 with another Championship trophy, you'd been saying to stream how you wanted to start playing more games and make a YouTube account for IRL you...

They jumped at the offer, begging you in chat to do both. Apart from Valorant, which of course was your main game as a professional player, you played other games at the request of your fans. Sometimes being small niche indie games where you would just be able to chill with music and answer their burning questions or sometimes you'd play throw back games, like Minecraft, GTA San Andreas, Resident Evil 4 which would often be pretty chaotic but fun none the less.

You'd even once played FIFA... which was awful and you would not do well as a professional football player or a professional FIFA player. You were so bad that actual footballers had reached out to you joking around with how they'd stay clear of you on the pitch.

But it was when you were asked to play the new F12024 game that you looked at your chat as if they were crazy. The sim set up's were crazy expensive, not that you couldn't afford that. Of course you could. But you didn't want it to be a waste of room or parts for what could potentially be a one time use.

This is how Lando Norris ended up in your chat. He'd spent the start of his 2023 winter break playing Fortnite with AngryGinge, and even off stream in his downtime between races he would often still be playing it.

However, by the time summer break rolled around it was getting stale, and Tarkov was too. He needed something new, and Max kept trying to get him to play Valorant, Oscar did too saying it was a mix of Call of Duty and Overwatch and it was very fun to play.

So of course he did his research, being free he downloaded it anyway. It was free even if it sat there and never got played it wasn't like he was loosing anything. After doing research and watching some gameplay, he'd fallen asleep and the YouTube algorithm took him on his journey to you.

He slept peacefully despite the change in volume, gun sounds, voice lines and all the talking behind the videos that YouTube were throwing at him. When he woke up, he was graced with your, in his bold opinion, stunning face. He watched as you played, it was seemingly a montage of your best moments. The camera would often change from you being in a bedroom, to a stadium to a different room.

He was so so intrigued he just had to go down a deep dive of you content. He spent nearly a whole Tuesday looking into your content, from your old stream vod's to the Vlog's on your IRL channel. You just had this personality he assumed would draw anyone in.

I mean who wouldn't like you, you were young, funny, absolutely gorgeous and kind.

So he reached out to you.

At first you didn't see the DM and follow request as you rarely opened Instagram, but after winning your second Cup in 2024 and having spent time in America with some of your friends it was time to get posting.

Lando Norris... you were confused by the name. These day's anyone with some cash could have a blue tick, so you looked over his profile and was surprised to find an athlete.

An athlete in your DM's wasn't uncommon, but a young hot one asking for a Valorant coach for him and his racing friends... now that was rare.

You replied instantly, the thought of being able to hang out with new people and gain some friends was exciting to you. Lando asked if you would be willing to meet up with him, he thought discord was a little awkward and cringey for the first time meeting someone. He happened to be in London so it was sort of perfect.

You met, and he was a nice as you expected. He let you talk about everything you wanted to, never interrupting, never trying to one up your stories... just listening and adding his input where necessary. But you let him do the same, your eyes lighting up when you saw his passion for his career in racing and how highly he spoke of it.

It was just incredible. The way he drove round all of those corner at insane speeds that you'd never dare reach in your Audi TT! And when he went into the behind the scenes you were even more in wonder.

When it came to talk about coaching him in Valorant, at first he'd made a joke about learning so Quadrant could have a Valorant team and beat Fnatic in championships, to which you'd retorted saying Fnatic would become a constructor in F1 and make the fastest car on the grid.

However, he was being partially serious. He wanted to move quadrant forward and with all the announcements they had made at the start of the year, it was time to do more things that would get peoples attention from different places.

He was thinking of a Quadrant team of well of course 5 people with some reserves. Max was the best right now, not close to your Immortal level, peaking Radiant. But he was now in Plat territory whereas Lando dreaded to think of where he would be.

"So you want us to play, with your friends Oscar, Liam and Logan. In a 5 stack on stream..." you'd asked and he nodded enthusiastically. You'd grinned just as enthusiastic.

However, right now you were in the middle of crying from both laugher and frustration. They all played games, however you didn't know that none of them had played Valorant.

When you first started your chat was going crazy, not only was this great because your fans were seeing you coach, but it brought in all the F1 fans so they could watch their fave drivers play games.

"So, how about just a small little warm up with a deathmatch?" you asked them all, and the silence that came after was deafening.

"Guys?" you asked with an awkward laugh, checking you weren't accidently muted and talking to yourself.

"Sorry Y/N your gonna have to explain each thing to us" Liam laughed.

"Okay, Deathmatch is where you kill anyone and everyone. Might be hard for you guys, as it will be really mixed elo!" you explain. However doing a deathmatch just had them complaining, only Oscar and Liam had managed to kill you. Oscar having decent aim from his time on COD and catching you of guard and Liam being a sneaky rat, coming up behind you and knifing you.

"Okay that was so unfair... you've got like look at that she got to 40 in no time... that was the quickest game mode ever!" Logan complained, salty with his 5 kills.

"How about a team death match. We are all on the same team then, first team to 100 wins, so we are all winners that way" you smile, hoping they'd prefer it more.

Which they did, you chilled out a little, letting them practice and get the gist of things while giving them pointers, when Lando flashed you with his ability or when Liam chucked a grenade at you. Or littler things like their movement, and how to not sweep the floor with their cross hair. But it was hard coaching when you couldn't see everything.

"Okay, lets move onto some swift plays?" you ask and a chorus of agreements dound through the mic. You explained the game mode to them while you were all in agent select before explaining how a good team looks. It was hard where 3 of them only had the standard characters. You settled on Lando as Pheonix, Logan as Sage, and Liam as Sova. Oscar only had three other characters unlocked being Iso, the newest agent, KAY/0 because in his words 'cool robot guy' and then of course Skye because she was Australian. He ended up picking Skye which left you locking in Omen to smoke as you didn't trust any of them to smoke.

"I think this is the most busted team composition I've ever had" you admit.

"Well, the more we play with you the more characters we unlock, now which one is from America!" Logan asks and you explain to him Viper and Brimstone are both American.

"Any cool people from New Zealand?" Liam asks hopefully.

"No not yet but RiotGames if for some reason you are in the chat, or if you see this. Lets get a New Zealander agent and call it Liam!" you exclaim.

"They should get a female British Agent and call it Y/N and make it look like you!" Lando offers before saying one of Pheonix's voice lines that he just heard.

"That would be very cool, take notes Riot!" you smile widely.

"So like, do you ever sit there and think... wow i play games for a living" Logan asks, filter completely gone and out the window, making you choke on the sip of water you were having at the sudden and brash question.

"Do you ever sit back and think ... wow i drive fast cars for a living?" you try snap back but you realize his job does in fact down a lot cooler than yours.

"Nah, guys don't sell her short. From one YouTube Guy to a YouTube Gal, cough cough collab when ..., your doing great!" Liam jokes, thinking of his part-time YouTube career on the side of being a F1 reserve driver.

"Ohhhhh a collab with the Liam Lawson! I'm honored, but fr i would love to do Disney with you and Hannah!" you grin, having made sure to watch his vlogs in detail before you all played games.

"You watch my vlogs??" he asks screaming into his mic.

"On occasion..."

"Do you watch my LandoLogs" Lando asks interrupting the sweet and wholesome moment between you and Liam.

"No!" you exclaim before continuing your conversation with Liam making the others all snicker.

For some reason, Lando and Liam had taken the spike A while Logan and Oscar peaked B window. You jiggle peaked C long and narrowly missed an Operator. Seeing that you decide to rotate back to where Lando and Liam are rotating to Oscar and Logan.

"Don't peak C Long, its being held by an op" you let them know.

As you peak garage, you get the first kill. Then the round picks up, someone swinging out from B main giving you a quick flick and a head shot.

"What the hell guys, I said don't peak C long, you suck!" you exclaim, checking that both Lando and Liam were dead at the end of C long along with spike.

"Look, in my defence i heard 'peak C long" Lando says, with a mouth full of food watching you play.

"I just tried to reclaim spike after Lando died, i heard you loud and clear" Liam justifies whilst throwing Lando under the bus.

"Okay Oscar, you stay here" you ping the map where you wanted him to lurk until you got onto site.

"Logan, follow me and we going to go two separate ways" you explain where you want him to go. You both shift onto sight, you going through C window and Logan going through the short alley onto C. You catch a rotator killing them. Logan gets onto sight being the bait for the Sage holding site with the OP. She whiffs the first shot, however get's the neck shot.

"120, she's so low" he cries in frustration.

"Okay Oscar, get spike and rotate to A" you say as you come from behind killing the enemy sage. You take the op from them wanting the advantage of the better gun.

You send your smoke out to A before using your charged up Alt to get onto site before Oscar to secure it. You situate yourself up in heaven. Watching sight, you quickly ping where Oscar should plant they you'll both be able to see from A heaven and A long.

"We got this Osc" you say as he retreats from his plant. He knows exactly where he should be watching and before you know it he has the kill.

"Amazing stuff guys, apart from you Lando" you joke making him scoff and start to throw insults your way.

"Ah ah ah! Now i wouldn't ever dare criticize your driving now would I Lando! Lets stick to our professions yeah?" you tease him, he however changes conversation saying he was going to start streaming.

"You want me to end and raid you?" you ask, and he agrees greedily smiling. You guys had been playing for around 2 and a half hours so you didn't mind ending now.

You played for some more hours, people got very excited when they saw that Lando specifically started streaming. And now they could see the way he'd blush whenever you teased him or flirted, which wasn't even really flirting ... but chat deemed you to just have this natural rizz. They could see his reactions whenever Logan, Oscar or Liam would make fun off him.

His chat was going crazy, asking if he liked you and if you'd met.

"Me and Y/N have met chat" he offers and everyone goes silent. The others didn't know you guys had actually met up, they just knew Lando slung you a DM and somehow you replied and gave him your discord.

"You guys don't believe me?" he asks in shock, reading chat every time a round ends or when he dies.

"Even you Max what the hell" he cries when he see's Max type a snide comment in chat about how there's no way in hell you would have met up with him.

"Fine, you guys don't believe me! Here!" he says shoving his phone up the camera showing the selfie he had taken in a cafe the day you guys first met.

"Where did we meet. In London, I dm'ed her on Instagram and asked to meet her. I wanna do new things with Quadrant and further the e-sports that we do here so i reached out to Y/N as a friend to see how her org did stuff" he explains.

"Y/N to Quadrant? I dunno guys, she's happy in Fnatic right now and unless we got other players that were on a professional level, i don't think she'd give up such a good spot where she's in a winning team for people who arent even on a professional level right now!" he explains before unmuting himself again.

"So, everyone's saying you should come to a race!" Lando offers Y/N.

"I'll come to a race if you guys all come watch me at VCT?!" she questions and they all agree.

"Deal!"

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @the-fem1n1ne-urge @21stcenturytaegi @dark-night-sky-99 @spideybv28 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @kapsylia @laneyspaulding19 @lazybot @malynn @cassielikereading @viennakarma @teamnovalak @landosgirlxoxo

[dangermousie]

2023 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

Yes, we have a some of December left, and I want to check out Death's Game but whatever. I got time for this now and not sure if I will have later so here goes.

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it’s not on the list. This was an excellent kdrama year, the likes of which we hadn't had in a long time.

DRAMAS WATCHED

In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality so pls don't come for me, fans of some popular dramas that are on my nope list. Also, I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list.

33. The Escape of the Seven - this is so aggressively stupid and mean that it feels like the makers are playing a practical joke seeing how much their audience will take. This has a season 2 coming, so the answer is a lot.

32. Behind Your Touch - the FL gets superpowers by touching people's and animals' butts. Yes, you read this right. Do I really need to add anything?

31. King the Land - yes, it was a hit. Yes, it stars popular actors. I HATED IT LIKE IT TOUCHED MY BUTT TO GET SUPERPOWERS!!! Plastic people in paint by the numbers story, with about as much genuineness or retability as a barbie aisle in walmart. I never expect much from Yoona so whatever, but to have LJH go from The Red Sleeve to this boggles the mind.

30. Mrs Durian - this is so dumb that I think I lost a few IQ points watching this, but its insanity becomes entertaining - I mean what kdrama can you name where a daughter in law declares her love and lust for her mother in law at a family dinner?

29. The Matchmakers - there is nothing offensive about this drama at all. But there is nothing in the least interesting either. If elevator music took drama shape, it would be this show.

28. Destined with You - sorry, Rowoon, I am still fond of you, but you are two for two in drama duds department this year. This is a drama where I loved ep 1, liked ep 2, was indifferent to 3 and...you get the point. Each ep was worse than the one before, and I bailed before I was dragged into a cosmic singularity.

27. Oasis - great first two episodes. Unfortunately it was not a two ep show. The performances are solid but the story is just not there - the effect is like a fancy chef making an amazing sauce to put on pig slop.

26. Boyhood - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like it but a 34-year old playing a high schooler in a Weak Hero Class 1 Slapstick Edition is no go for me.

25. Castaway Diva - it's so precious and kooky in the most annoying ways, with the most well-adjusted abused castaway in history. I like magic realism when done by Jorge Amado, but this ain't Amado.

24. Island - it had a good concept, good cast and fun visuals but the execution deserved one of ML's swords through the neck.

23. The Worst of Evil - if I wanted an American show, I'd watch one. Very solid performances though.

22. Song of the Bandits - period edition of what I said about The Worst of Evil.

21. Welcome to Samdalri - and goodbye to any hope of emotional involvement.

20. Joseon Attorney - I have yet to like a single sageuk centered around a profession and this was not an exception. I guess it could be worse but it also could have been so much better.

19. Twinkling Watermelon - everyone loved this drama. Everyone except for me. It's the kind of precious that sets my teeth on edge and I couldn't stand half the main characters we were supposed to root for. I guess I like my fruits to shine steadily.

18. Our Blooming Youth - probably the biggest disappointment on this list. This is not a bad drama by any means, but with that cast and that story (I loved the novel), I was hoping for a memorable sageuk not merely all right.

17. Vigilante - it has the emotional complexity and nuance of a punch to the throat but it gives us quasi-gay openly-murderous dudes going after psychos and Yoo Ji Tae holding feral Nam Joo Hyuk by his hoodie at his feet.

16. The Forbidden Marriage - expected nothing but it was a surprisingly enjoyable trifle of a costume drama that was also quite pretty.

15. Arthdal Chronicles: Sword of Aramun - a hot mess but such an entertaining epic one. And it gave us TWO Lee Jun Kis in period gear and who am I to cavil at the bounty of God?

14. The Story of Park's Marriage - it's a trifle, a souffle, so light it might blow away, but it keeps my attention and is so fun and sweet.

13. My Lovely Liar - a huge surprise, that manages to mix a murder mystery and a romcom, and shocked me by showing Hwang Minhyun can act.

12. Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - the original ToNT was my fave drama of its year and I did not think it needed a sequel. But this is not a sequel but more of a side-quel and is such a total delight with brotherly love, adventures, romance and hijinks. It's a joy.

11. Perfect Marriage Revenge - it's actually very hard to do a soap right but this slim 12 ep drama managed. So fun, so crazy, such a good ship!

10. My Lovely Boxer - not really about sports, but about two broken people finding salvation because of and in each other. Also, if you like age gap romances, this is delicious. Sort of loses steam by the end but c’est la vie.

9. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - this was a sageuk that was not on my radar with a bunch of actors I was not familiar with but it took my heart away. A good plot that was perfectly paced, characters and ships I adored, a logical ending. This is one of the biggest positive surprises of the year for me.

8. Tell Me That You Love Me - a slice of life remake (sort of, it's more "inspired by") of my favorite jdrama of all time. It's not as good as the jdrama because nothing could be, but it's an aching lovely story with some incredible performances.

7. See You In My 19th Life - funny and romantic and haunting and hopeful and odd. This was one of my favorites of the year.

6. Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow - it's rare for me to like a (1) sequel (2) with FL actress change (3) that is a Hong Sisters drama. But this was such a gorgeous, surprisingly achy story of love and loss and love regained with some cool monster fighting in the middle. Between the two seasons, this is the first Hong Sisters' drama I enjoyed from beginning to end in well over a decade.

5. My Demon - so tropey (chaebols, supernaturals) but it proves that these tropes are popular for a reason. The chemistry is fire, the story is unpredictable and the whole thing is an addictive delight. A rare drama where I like each new ep more than the last one.

4. Goryeo Khitan War - an old school sageuk in every meaning of the term (no romance, no eye candy, lots of bearded men, battles and politics), this feels like watching an epic movie more than a drama. The vast cast all earns their place and the performances (mainly from character actors given a chance to shine) are incredible.

3. Call It Love - two very very damaged people finding love and healing with each other. This is a narrative very hard to do to my satisfaction but when it's done well, as here, there are few things that can hold a candle to it.

2. My Dearest - a masterpiece of cinematography, narrative, performances. This is an old-school epic romance in the best sense of the term. If it doesn't make you swoon or break your heart, there is something wrong with you. A story of two untraditional, strong-willed, flawed people who fall in love in the middle of the horrifying Qing invasion of Korea and have to deal with all that the world throws at them, this is a bona fide masterpiece.

1 - Moon in the Day - who knew my favorite kdrama of the year will star a store brand Domyoji from Extraordinary You and an actress I was never familiar with. But this part period/part modern fantasy tale of doomed cursed lovers is everything I knew I wanted and everything I didn't know I wanted but did. Two lovers where their love did not save them and in modern day it might not again, has got me obsessed the way I haven't been in years.

FAVORITE DRAMA

Moon in the Day - if there is such a thing as a drama made perfectly for me, this gorgeous, emotionally haunting, utterly romantic, twisty tale is it.

WORST DRAMA

The Escape of the Seven. This drama is proof that demons exist and not sexy ones like Song Kang but horrible nasty ones who delight in the torment this hot mess inflicted on its viewers.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Ha, Moon in the Day - a Silla general and a consummate killer who committed atrocities on the orders of his monster father and yearned to die for them, who found the meaning in life in loving his enemy but it did not make him better, a man so obsessed he literally was around for 1500 years of horrifying ghostly existence and still went "worth it" for a woman who killed him as long as he knew she loved him while she did it. He's intense and competent and beyond fucked up and has never had a normal day and I love him so so so very much from a safe distance.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Gil Chae, My Dearest - she starts out as vain and spoiled but the horrors that break so many others bring out all her fierce survivor potential and she becomes such a force of nature - capable of incredible love but also sacrifice and strength and compassion.

Runner Up: Shin Hye Sun's reincarnator in See You In My 19th Life - quirky, damaged, strong, so odd and so vulnerable at once.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

There are a lot of characters who fit that category (King Injo in My Dearest? My God) but the crown belongs to So Ri Bu from Moon in the Day. You think you've seen abusive parents but until you've seen a man abuse his son his whole life and then continue for 1500 years after his death, you ain't seen nothing!

FAVORITE SHIP

The doomed by the narrative OTP of Moon in The Day. Only thing that's better than enemies to lovers is enemies while lovers and their impossible relationship where her killing him is a supreme act of love and his refusing to let go is so strong that he stays around for 1500 years watching her, helpless as she dies over and over again, is everything you ever want.

Runner up: Jang Hyun/Gil Chae, My Dearest. They are so strong and so damaged and it takes them so long to figure out what they feel and what the other person feels but their love and sacrifice and complexities are perfect.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Kim Shi Yeol/Hong Joo, The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - an assassin bodyguard pretending to be a carefree scholar and a widow of the man he killed to protect his king (and whose life was destroyed as a result.) I enjoyed the main OTP of this drama but I was utterly and completely unhinged for the secondary couple.

I'd have probably picked Rang and his mermaid from TotNT 1938 even over them, but they really were the main OTP of that drama.

NOTP

King the Land couple seems like an easy target but honestly, they are both so terribly bland and antiseptic and marketing by committee, they kinda deserve each other. So I am gonna go with Destined with You, one half of which thinks supernaturally roofying someone into loving them is cute and the other half thinks dating one woman while wooing another is totally a-ok. Ugh.

FAVORITE SCENE

There is no competition for the scene in the slave market in My Dearest, where Jang Hyun finds Gil Chae - the way he screams and tries to clutch the hem of her skirt will live in my head forever.

And the scene where he 'wins' that horrifying bet, or the scene where she finds him in a pile of bodies - they are as good also. Or when he fights off a squad to protect her even though he's sick. That whole drama is perfect.

Runner up: the scene of Do Ha executing Ri Ta's family, covered in blood, as she looks at him from the crowd in Moon in the Day.

Or the scene where he talks about how he cannot live as a person but at least maybe she will kill him and he will die as one. Or when her confession in the past intercuts with his walking in the present, or when he comes home in his bloodied armor and she finds he has a fever and it's the first tender touch he's probably ever known. Her murdering So Ri Bu saying she knows she's going against filial piety in loving her parents' murderer, the way they hug, both bloody, as he says "let's live." The way she says she can't go on as she's hit rock bottom and he replies she cannot quit because she must accompany him to his rock bottom now. Honestly, the drama is a font of amazingness.

Also, the opening scene of Goryeo Khitan War or the scene of Yang Gyu ordering to shoot the captives and having to do so himself.

The OTP meeting again at the intersection at the end of ep 1 of Tell Me That You Love Me. SHS comforting ABH as he's having a traumatic breakdown in 19th Life. The love-making scene in Call It Love. There were a lot of great scenes this year.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Lee Jang Hyun, My Dearest - is that even a competition? He's flawed - vain, often emotionally closed off, not great at processing emotions, lashing out when hurt. He is also incredibly heroic in a real, knows the cost but bears it, kind of way. Whatever he does, he commits utterly but it's never without understanding the cost. He felt both larger than life and utterly real. He went through hell and maintained his soul and the way he loved Gil Chae was breath-taking to behold.

Runner Up: Yang Gyu, Goryeo Khitan War - an experienced military commander who wins an impossible victory even as it ravages his soul. Competence is sexy as fuck.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Rang, Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - 1938 really was Rang's chance to shine and he took it. For a character I started out disliking in the original, he really stole my entire heart in this drama. I am so glad he got his happy ending with his brother and his girl.

Runner Up: Crown Prince, My Dearest. He started out as a sheltered, spoiled aristocrat, convinced the world owed him for existing. He grew up slowly and painfully into an amazing man. And then was murdered for it and I cried.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Arthdal - it leaves the story at a good stopping point but it's very much a "world in flux, adventures and conflicts continue" ending and I would love to see more of these characters. I know we won't but it would have been nice.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Behind Your Touch - should have been snipped at birth.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Vigilante - I don't mean it had scissors taken to it because it's not cdrama and there is no NRTA, but this drama would have benefitted from being longer. I mean, I love fights and gay polycules as much as the next tumblr person but a bit more character development would not have come amiss. (ahaha - I said come. Leave me alone.)

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

I don't care about cops/doctors/trash collectors/whoever - workplace drama centering on their "cases" needs to die. I hate procedurals from any country and Korea is no exception.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Supernatural critter devoted to their OTP with all the power of their long life.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Our Blooming Youth - it was far from terrible but it was a giant meh. I was so excited to see Park Hyung Sik in a sageuk (that wasn't the hot mess that was Hwarang) and I adored the source novel. It actually started well and then...it's like Revenge of the Beige!

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

I want to say Moon in the Day but to be honest, I was excited by posters and trailers so it wasn't wholly a surprise despite not having much of an opinion on the actors before I saw them. So I am going to say My Demon. I was bored by the trailers, I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a Kim Yoo Jung drama and before this year I would have said Song Kang was an incredibly limited actor in everything I've seen him in and not appealing to me at all. And here I am rabidly rabiding for this drama!

If I am not limiting myself to dramas but can use this for actors - Hwang Minhyun in My Lovely Liar. I genuinely did not think the man could act and then he gave such a pitch-perfect, nuanced performance out of nowhere!

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

I have actually watched all the kdramas that aired this year that I wanted to check out except for Evilive. I am saving this for when I have time.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

I don't know if I'd say it's the best but Say You Love Me (2004) with Kim Rae Won as a quasi monk seduced away from his true love by an evil older woman was a hell of a ride.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Love Song for Illusion (Lady assassin falls for her royal target who has two personalities), Captivating the King (lady spy falls for her royal target who is tormented) - notice a theme? Also Flower that Blooms at Night because Honey Lee in a sageuk, The Life of Mrs Ock (Lim Ji Yeon in a sageuk), The Love Story of Chun Hwa (an "erotic" sageuk, hmmmm, what?!), Hong Rang (Lee Jae Wook in a super angst sageuk), Queen Woo (that cast and set in Goguryeo!), Wong Kyung (about Lee Bang Won's wife and I love the cast.) Basically, if it's period, I am there with bells on.

[genshinluvr]

Masterlist 2

🔞 = Contains Smut, suggestive themes

❗ = Contains triggering content

🫧 = Self-indulgent (will make a separate masterlist for it soon)

🧋 = Author's favorites

🌸 = Requests

✨ = Mini-fics

🧧 = AUs

[All contents listed/linked down below are also posted on my AO3]

Imagines/One-Shots:

• [ Coming Soon ]

-

Series:

- GENSHIN IMPACT -

Not What You'd Expect [Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader] (One-shot series):

Summary of Not What You'd Expect [Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader]: Who knew that getting Isekai'd into Genshin Impact would get you into many situations that you've never thought you'd get yourself into! Whether the situation is life-threatening or just one of those soft and fluffy moments, you don't think you'd want to leave the game any time soon! And it seems like they don't want you to leave any time soon either! So, you might as well enjoy your stay while you're at it!

• Weaseling in (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Neuvillette x Isekai'd!Reader x Wriothesley) [Published on July 23, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Weaseling in": The men left to grab some food while you stay back and wait for them to return. When they return, they see that you're not alone. The two strangers from Fontaine are chatting you up— only they recognize the two strangers with familiar faces from the last time you got lost in Fontaine.

• Sick Days 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 30, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Sick Days 2": The men are sick, and it's your duty to nurse them back to their healthy selves. Yes, the men are sick— all twenty-seven of them are ill, and you're the only one who's taking care of them. Some of them made it easier for you, but others made it complicated for you. It's a good thing you don't have emetophobia.

• Where I Truly Belong (Various Genshin Men x Villain!Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 6, 2023] ❗

Summary of "Where I Truly Belong": Your arrival at Teyvat was sudden and you thought you'd be welcome with open arms and new friendship. However, you were terribly wrong. You were ignored, threatened, and chased out of the regions in Teyvat. One day, on the heart island outside of Liyue, a portal opens and an opportunity is given to you. An opportunity where you have power and control over fate. Perhaps this is where you truly belong.

• Mr. Sweet Talker (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Lyney x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 20, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Mr. Sweet Talker": Aether and Paimon managed to snag free tickets to the magic show in Fontaine! It's all thanks to a certain famous Fontianian magician. Who knew he could be such a sweet talker?

• Happily Ever After? (Various Princes!Genshin Men x Royal!Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 27, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "Happily Ever After?": There was a small kingdom on Teyvat where a king and queen kept their child locked in a tower for over two decades— the public and other kingdoms do not know what this royal Highness looks like, nor do they know much of this person. However, twenty-seven princes set off to free their royal Highness from their high-rise prison. Maybe you will finally get your happily ever after by finally getting your freedom.

• Burning Desire 4 [Al Haitham's Route] (Various Genshin Men x Iskeai'd!Reader, Al Haitham x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on September 3, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Burning Desire 4 [Al Haitham's Route]": Awaken from your slumber due to the burning pit in your stomach, you decide to take a shower early morning, hoping it will cool you off. After your shower, you leave your bedroom to see a shirtless Al Haitham reading a book at your desk. You weren't sure why Al Haitham is in your bedroom, but he has his reasons for visiting you.

• Watch the World Burn (Various Genshin Men x Villain!Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on September 17, 2023] ❗

Summary of "Watch the World Burn": [This is part 2 of Where I Truly Belong] Those who have wronged you, chased you out of the region, and ostracized you will all go down with Teyvat. You will watch the world burn as bodies around you fall to the ground one by one.

• Where's the Update? (Genshin Filler Chapter) [April 1, 2024]

Summary of "Where's The Update?": You and the men go and visit the person who writes the script for every project you all do.

• [ Coming Soon ]

- HONKAI STAR RAIL -

Brightest Star in the Universe [Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader] (One-shot series):

Summary of "Brightest Star in the Universe [Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader]": You were thrust into the world of Honkai Star Rail without warning and any recollection of your memory. Blade and Kafka refer to you as the fallen star. You don't know what it means, and you think it sounds ridiculous. After meeting the men from the Honkai Star Rail universe, these men can't help but feel drawn to you. As if there's this invisible line that's pulling them closer to you. Just when you thought your stay in the Honkai Star Rail universe couldn't get any weirder, the universe keeps proving you wrong.

• Anything for the Star (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 22, 2023/July 23, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Anything for the Star": March has a theory that the men would do anything for their precious shining star. However, you thought it was ridiculous. Due to you being skeptical about March's theory, March decides to put it to the test because those men would do anything for the star, right?

• Final Moments (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 30, 2023] ✨, ❗

Summary of "Final Moments": You're somewhere alone, bleeding, and on the verge of death. Everyone is scrambling to reach out to you, but you're not picking up your phone, and no one knows where you are. Not even Nanook knows your whereabouts. You didn't think you could die in a universe you didn't belong to, but you were wrong. At least you were able to hear their voices in your final moments, right?

• Seeing Stars (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Nanook x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 6, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Seeing Stars": Your and Nanook's intimate moment was interrupted by your Astral Express traveling companions. Caelus spots a hickey on your neck, you make a poor excuse regarding that hickey, and all of a sudden, you find Nanook balls deep inside you. Needless to say, Nanook is called the Aeon of Destruction for a reason. And that reason isn't because of destroying the universe, but because he's going to be destroying your insides.

• Anything for the Star 2 (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 20, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Anything for the Star 2": After being sandwiched between Gepard and Sampo's chest due to March claiming you wanted to be sandwiched between the two men from Jarilo-VI, you fainted. You soon regained consciousness and now have to deal with the aftermath, and you're also on the hunt for March around the Astral Express.

• Trouble in Paradise (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 27, 2023]

Summary of "Trouble in Paradise": Nanook has always communicated with you through your dreams because both you and Nanook are connected with each other. But now that Nanook has taken a human form, there's no need to communicate through your dreams! You were certain that it was just Nanook who could communicate with you through your dreams until Phantylia showed up.

• To be Reborn (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Vidyadhara!Isekai'd!Reader) 🧧 [Published on September 3, 2023]

Summary of "To be Reborn": Waking up in Scalegorge Waterscape, you have no recollection of your past life. You are reborn— you are a Vidyadhara— hatched from an egg. A young blond boy awaits your rebirth, the same boy who volunteers to be your protector. Your past life remains a mystery. Your relationship with three particular men remains a mystery as they gaze at you longingly from a distance. Sometimes, it's a curse to be reborn.

• Well, Shit. (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Toddler!Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on September 17, 2023]

Summary of "Well, Shit.": Well, Shit. This isn't supposed to happen. How did this even happen in the first place? Yanqing was tasked to watch over you while General Jing Yuan and your traveling companions were out on a mission. Who knew it would end up with you turning into a toddler?

• Where Are the Updates? (HSR Filler Chapter) [Published on April 1, 2024]

Summary of "Where Are the Updates?": The person who writes the script for your and the men's future project is visiting the Astral Express. Everyone is wondering what is their future role in the projects (and Sampo is being Sampo)

• [ Coming Soon ]

-

Asks w/ Mini-fics:

• [ Coming Soon ]

[itsthislake]

Reposting this directly on tumblr because YT deleted my channel.

In Our Bedroom After The War. Trash of the Count's Family animatic.

Consider supporting me via Ko-Fi! I would really appreciate it!

Extra stuff i wrote down while making this under the cut:

this took me so long you can literally see me get better at art from beginning to end lol

so many artistic liberties were taken here, you've no idea

confession time: i looked at references when doing the first drafts/storyboard(?) and then didn't for the line-art so yeah. rip lock's hair lock, i forgot about it until it was too late lmao

me, storyboarding this: SO. MANY. CHARACTERS????

@heart-select's Gashan design is so freaking cool I just had to use it, so kudos to them for that

me, repeatedly, while doing the line-art: oh god i still have to COLOR ALL THIS?!?!?!

how tf do you even draw wings?????

me, drawing the DHB: haha bones go brr me, drawing raon: you're damn lucky i love you

so glad I gave up on my original idea to color EVERYTHING jfc past me sure had high hopes

upset that I can't switch sheritt and DHB's order so they fit the lyrics bc I love sheritt too much to not draw her twice and also i'm not drawing a dragon bone head again thank you very much

ohn hasn't got ears. don't ask me why, i don't know either

on that note, i headcanon that ohn is the type to either look full human or full cat at all times, while hong (and lock too) like to have animal features while in human form whenever they can get away with it

added the kids' names to their piggybanks in korean bc why not

my blind ass made the subtitles far too big for my liking but i'm too tired to go and change everything now

this is also my first time doing an animation/video using only clip studio so i'm a little confused with why some things look like they do, but whatever

(Originally posted on 21/02/2023.)

anyways, enjoy!

[mysteryshoptls]

2023-2024 Player Birthday Login Message Lines

These are all the messages that you get from the boys when you log in on the birthday that you set in-game from 18 Mar 2023 to 17 Mar 2024! For those that want to hear them, you can find them in the Archive, under the tab その他　→　監督生バースデー③. (This will not be in your game archives until the birthday you set passes.)

You can find the 2021-2022 Birthday Login Message Lines here! You can find the 2022-2023 Birthday Login Message Lines here!

HEARTSLABYUL

Riddle

Happy Birthday, [Yuu]. I have arranged for there to be a birthday party in your honor after classes finish for the day. Be sure to finish all your homework before it begins. Of course, that includes your going over what was taught in class. ...You cannot finish in time? I suppose it cannot be helped. I'll help you with whatever you don't understand. However, just know that my instruction is quite strict.

Ace

Hey, [Yuu], Happy Birthday! Must be nice, being the center of attention today. Wanna trade places with me? I'm kidding, c'mon. Like, yeah, I love it when everyone fawns over me on my own birthday, but I'm not against celebrating others either. Guess I should go all out once in a while. You better be ready for it!

Deuce

Today is your birthday, right? Happy Birthday. Here's a face towel as your present. Hm? ...Oh, you don't need to hesitate or nothing. Isn't it normal to want to celebrate your bud's birthday? And 'sides... it's just between you and me. I'm happy for you to take it!

Cater

Happy Birthday, [Yuu]-chan! It's time for your birthday party, huh. Once we get to the venue, let's snap a pic with everyone! We gotta take tons that looks super lively and worth a memory! Ah, and obvi I gotta get me a pic with the two of us! I def don't wanna miss out on grabbing that selfie with the star of the day ♪

Trey

Happy Birthday, [Yuu]. I decided to get you a ball-point pen and a notebook for your birthday. I even looked into a few of the more popular brands, but none of them really called out to me. Sorry it's not anything cool. But I did my best to pick something out for you. I hope you can use it for your studies.

SAVANACLAW

Leona

Yo, [Yuu]. Today's your birthday, right? Good for you. Huh? A present? Yeah, I don't have anything like that for you, why would I? Just be satisfied that I even said anything. I came all this way just to wish you a happy birthday. That should be enough to get your tail wagging, all happy, don'tcha think?

Jack

Oh, I found you. I was looking for you, [Yuu]. Ah, I mean, it's not like it's something super important or anything... But, it's your birthday today, right? Happy Birthday. Here, this is your present, some running shoes. What? You wanna know if that's why I was searching for you? Wh-Why does that matter...? Uh, bye!

Ruggie

[Yuu]-kun, it's your birthday today, right? Shishishi, Happy Birthday! Felicitations and whatnot! You look so much more glam today than you usually do. You've definitely grown. I hardly recognize you～ Amazing! Just the best! Eh? You want more than just words? Well, I can give you a gift, I guess, but... You better give me at least 10 times the amount back～

OCTAVINELLE

Azul

Happy Birthday. Your gift is this board game here. How about a game? If you were to win, I will gift you one more object. Books, clothes, whatever you wish. If you lose... Fufufu, I wonder what I should have you do for me. Think of this thrilling little competition as part of your present as well.

Jade

[Yuu]-san, Happy Birthday. I have prepared a tea press as your present. Do you know how to use it? First, pour boiling water to warm it up, then add the tea leaves and steep. Then pour it from about this high... Perhaps it would be better if I showed it to you. Allow me to prepare you a cup of tea after this.

Floyd

Today's your birthday, right, Koebi-chan? Happy Birthday～ Here ya go, here's your present. What's inside? Well, if I told you, that'd be no fun. 'Sides, you'd be happy with whatever I gave you, right? Lucky you, Koebi-chan. Ahahah!

SCARABIA

Kalim

[Yuu]! Happy Birthday! I'm gonna throw a huge party for you today. I'm getting the venue ready right now, so just wait a bit, okay? But, I guess it'd be kind of boring just waiting around doing nothing. Oh yeah! How about we go for a magic carpet ride? Let's go soaring through the skies together before the party starts!

Jamil

So, today's your birthday. Happy Birthday. Here's a cutlery set as your gift. There's one for cutting meat, fish, and even dessert... There may be many different types, but it might not be bad to learn how to use them all. I'll give you a quick lesson on them later at the party. It'll probably be easier to learn while eating.

POMEFIORE

Vil

[Yuu], Happy Birthday. I've prepared a gift that you could only receive from me. I'll use this carefully selected item and give you a proper lecture on make-up. I wonder just how much of a transformation we'll see. ...Even though this may be your present, I am starting to get excited as well.

Epel

[Yuu]-san, Happy Birthday! I got a super special gift for you. Here ya go, a jacket that's got a rising golden dragon embroidered on it! The inner lining's got a tiger on it! Isn't it cool? U-Uh. Oh, maybe it's not to your liking...? Don't worry about it, I bet it'll totally look rad on you!

Rook

Greetings, Trickster! Happy Birthday! Fufu, as you can see, I was lying in wait for you. I knew that you would be alone at this time, at this very place. How...? Fufu, let's just say it was instinct. Now, please accept my birthday greetings!

IGNIHYDE

Idia

...H-Happy Birthday...　I-I tried to follow in the footsteps of them normies and got you a present IRL... It-It's all the volumes of my number one favorite manga and light novel set. Fuheehee. Spreading the word and bringing in new fans is the best way for those of us in the fandom to thrive! Check it― ......Uh, yeah, if you, uh, get time, please take a look...

Ortho

Based on my data, today's your birthday, right? Happy Birthday, [Yuu]-san! Ah, there's been a change in your vital signs. Your pulse rate and body temperature just increased. Ehe, were you happy that I'm here to celebrate you? It makes me feel so great to see you so happy. Birthday are really nice, aren't they?

DIASOMNIA

Malleus

[Yuu], Happy Birthday. As your gift, I shall play you something on the violin. Which song would you care for? Oh, you would allow me to pick? Hm, which one should it be... If I were to select something that would be adequate for your birthday... I suppose a cheerful song may be in order. It isn't a genre I play often, but I will take this opportunity to give it a try.

Silver

So, today is your Birthday. Of course, I will be attending your birthday party. To make certain I will not fall asleep during the party, I went to sleep early last night. I also took a nap this afternoon, and I've prepared ice to help me stay awake. However, just in case, allow me to say the most important thing up first. [Yuu], Happy Birthday.

Sebek

Hey, human! ...I'm talking to you, [Yuu]! I will give you the honor of my birthday wishes. Your present is a book. Only, I realized that I did not know your favorite genre. So we will go now to select it together. Tell me what kind of books that you ordinarily read.

Lilia

[Yuu], Happy Birthday. We have your party coming up after this, huh. The feast has been well prepared. Of course I didn't hold anything back. I put all of my efforts into making everything. Kufufu, you better be looking forward to it!

OTHERS

Crowley

Ta-daaa! What do you suppose this could be? That's correct, it's an exchange coupon for use at the Mystery Shop! You have been a consistent helping hand, so... This is a special gift for you. Happy Birthday. Incidentally, that is only worth 500 madol (5 Thaumarks). It cannot be exchanged for something pricier than that. Please don't hold it against me.

Grim

[Yuu]! Happy Birthday! I'll let you have me celebrate it together with you! We gotta chow down on all the tasty stuff! Then we'll sing, and dance, and play games... Nyahahaha! This is gonna be the best day ever! Let's hurry and get to the party venue already!

Rollo

Whatever is the matter, [Yuu]-kun? There is a strange glimmer in your eyes... Ah, I see. Today is your birthday. A present? Hmph. I hardly think that it should be something you request of others... But no matter. Indeed, birthdays should be treasured. However, what would be an acceptable gift...? I am afraid I'm rather unaccustomed to this. I would hope I do not disappoint you with a poor gift choice.

Requested by Anonymous.

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Flufftober Day 31 | Spiked candy

Pairing | Iron Man!Tony Stark x Avenger!Female!Reader

Word count | 2.1K

Summary | You've had a crush on Tony for as long as you can remember, but you didn't know he also has one on you. During his annual Halloween party, he makes a move using a project he's been working on for a long time, and they have precisely the desired effect because you couldn't be happier the morning after. Your dream of being his might finally come true after all.

Warning(s) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Swearing, costume party, use of pet name (Kitten), aphrodisiac candies, mutual pining, friends/coworkers to lovers, smut (Daddy kink, dirty talk, oral - M receiving, light choking, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), squirting, implied aftercare), a boatload of fluff.

Prompt | 31. Dreams do come true | @flufftober Prompt | Tony only buys the good stuff when it comes to Halloween candy. But be careful. There's a reason there are no kids at this party. Some of the candies are a pretty potent aphrodisiac | @jtargaryen18

A/n | This one-shot is written for Jamie's Halloween Challenge 2023. As always, I want to thank @ccbsrmsf1 for enjoying this with me and proofreading it as well! I had an absolute blast writing this one, and I hope you will all enjoy it as much as I did when writing 🖤

Likes, comments and reblogs will be very much appreciated 🧡

Divider is made by @firefly-graphics | GIF credit to the owner This GIF has been found on Pinterest, but I sadly can't find the original pin anymore since I forgot to save it. If you have the link to the original GIF, please let me know so I can credit it accordingly!

Main Masterlist | Tony Stark Masterlist | Flufftober Masterlist

Your costume idea may have been basic, but your result is far from that. The tight black dress, thigh-high heels, slicked-back hair, cat ears, and smokey makeup give you a sexy, sultry look you hope will impress one man. Anthony Edward Stark.

The entire day you've spent getting ready, from doing your hair and makeup to having every single hair on your body waxed that doesn't belong there. You're smooth as a baby's butt, and you've never looked better.

Looking this good also means you feel just about as good, and confidence is dripping off every inch of your body as you enter the party. Each year, Tony throws a Halloween party even more extravagant than the last, but you don't look at any of it.

There's only one thought in your mind: ''What will Tony think of my costume?'' it's a good thing you don't have to wait long before you have your answer.

''Fuckin' hell, Kitten, don't you look like a million bucks tonight?'' Tony says, and his hand finds its way to the small of your back as he leans in to whisper these words in your ear.

Heat creeps up your chest and neck, all the way to the tips of your ears because you've had a crush on him since before you had even become an Avenger. But honestly, who wouldn't when they were in the presence of someone as amazing as Iron Man?

However, what you did not know - or were too in love to see - is that he had a crush on you as well. He's been flirting with you ever since laying eyes on you. And tonight, he plans to make it abundantly clear how he feels about you.

''You don't look bad yourself, either,'' you say as you look Tony up and down. He's wearing a tailored pin-striped suit with no shirt, the jacket hanging open to reveal every last ridge of his muscle. Around his neck is a bow tie identical to the one of Jack Skellington, and the white hair and makeup finish off the entire look.

You turn towards him and lay your hand on his abdomen, scratching softly down to the edge of his pants with your Halloween-themed nails. When you hear Tony's breath hitch, you know you've achieved your goal and flashed a mischievous smile up to him.

''Don't tempt me, Kitten,'' he growls lowly, the dark brown of his eyes almost disappearing as his pupils grow wide in arousal.

''I'm sorry, Daddy,'' you say before tapping his chest once and turning around to head to the bar, and you're using the fact that it is busy to your advantage. You're immediately swallowed into the crowd, and before Tony can even reach out to you, you're out of his sight.

''Shit,'' he mutters to himself.

You have found your way to the bar in the meantime, and that's where you find both Bucky and Steve, just like every other party. Bucky's not a socialite, and Steve is nice enough to stay with his best friend.

Bucky whistles as you walk over. ''Someone must have left a cage open because there's a wild animal at this party.''

''Lookin' amazing tonight,'' Steve adds, and it's only then that you realize they're dressed up as one another. Steve is wearing Bucky's tactical gear, complete with a fake metal arm made for him, and Bucky is wearing Steve's Captain America suit, complete with the shield on his back.

''You two look amazing as well,'' you say with a big smile before ordering a cocktail. The two of them are some of your best friends, and they have been rooting for you and Tony since day one.

''Is there any chance you dressed like this for a certain someone?'' Steve inquires, and Bucky looks at you with a quirked brow.

The blush across your cheeks tells them everything you need to know, though they drop it for now, instead pulling you into the conversation they had earlier.

In the meantime, Tony is setting up a little plan that he has been working on for a while. He has made some candy for tonight, but this isn't just regular candy. Oh, no. These contain a potent aphrodisiac.

Now, Tony has to wait until you're feeling snack-ish - which you usually do at these parties - and make your way to the candy table. Luck must be on his side today because it doesn't take long for you to check out the selection.

Your eyes glide past every card by the bowls, and you chuckle at their puns. When you arrive at the last bowl, you suddenly feel a pair of eyes on you, and that's when you turn around.

''Care for a candy, Kitten?'' Tony asks, handing you one from the last bowl he just set up, and you gladly take it, unwrapping it quickly before popping it in your mouth.

It didn't take long for the effect to find its way into your system, and before it could hit you full force, Tony had already herded you to a nearby conference room.

That's where you find yourself on your knees on the floor, his thick, veiny cock filling your throat, blocking every single noise that even threatens to leave.

''Jesus, look at how good you're taking me, Kitten; I can feel myself in that tight little throat of yours,'' he says as his large fingers wrap around your throat and squeeze the sides to restrict your airflow just enough to have you feeling a little lightheaded.

The groans leaving his chest are out of this world, and they only spur you on to take him entirely. Just a few more inches, and you are taking him, but he doesn't let you get that far.

''Oh, fuck Kitten, I won't last if you do that,'' he says before pulling you off, your tongue still lapping at his tip despite not having him in your mouth anymore.

You're panting uncontrollably, but you're also turned on beyond belief, and you can't wait to feel him inside you, where you need him more than anything.

''Daddy, please! Want you to fuck me until I can't walk,'' you say with an innocent look in your eyes, though your face isn't that innocent anymore.

Makeup has run entirely, your hair is a big mess, and your neck and chest are covered in bruises and lovebites from Tony. How your outfit is still intact is beyond you, but that won't last long.

''Yeah? Is that what my Kitten wants? To be fucked by her Daddy? You've been a good girl for me, haven't you, sucking my soul out through my dick,'' he says as he helps you to bend over the table, your chest and cheek pressed firmly against the wood.

''Y-yeah, 'm Daddy's good girl,'' you say with a whine, and before you know it, your sad excuse of a thong has been ripped from your body, and Tony is shoving himself inside of you in a single thrust.

There's not a single thought in your mind other than ''Daddy!'' and you can't help but want to hold onto something to ground yourself, but most of all, you want to grab Tony.

Anywhere you can, you want to grab him, scratch him, anything to ground yourself. His fast-paced thrusts are sending you over the edge in no time, and your pussy squeezes him like a vice.

With a loud shout of his name, you squirt all over him, and you don't know when his fingers found your clit, but you're delighted that they did.

You're at the point where your brain has turned into complete mush, and you can't think, let alone talk, so all that's leaving your mouth are whines and broken moans.

He keeps thrusting despite you becoming oversensitive quickly, and it's almost too much, but somehow you manage to hold on long enough for him to cum inside you and collapse on top of you.

''Wow, Kitten, now I know what I've been missing out on all this time, huh? But you know what they say, dreams do come true for those who want it badly enough,'' he chuckles.

He cleans you up, and after that, you two head back to his apartment in the Compound, only a few floors above the party. Tony has carried your bridal style, your head propped against his shoulder while you fell asleep.

''Get some rest, Kitten, we'll talk tomorrow,'' he says with a few kisses on your forehead. He removed your makeup and remaining clothing, instead pulling a pair of his boxer briefs and oversized shirts onto your body.

The combination of the candy and Tony treating you like that in the conference room has left you tired beyond words, and you don't even notice him climbing into the bed with you after removing all of his makeup in the shower.

The following day, you wake up with a big yawn and a stretch. Tony's strong arms are wrapped around you as he pulls you against his chest, and you feel very content in his hold.

''Mornin' Princess,'' Tony says in a deep, gravelly voice that warms your insides. When you're about to turn around, you suddenly feel a soreness between your legs, and that's when you remember what happened last night.

''Good morning, Tony,'' you say as you turn over and look into his deep brown eyes. A small smile appears on your lips, and you place a soft peck on his lips, which he happily reciprocates.

''Thank you for last night,'' you whisper before burying your face into his neck, and he chuckles softly.

''You're welcome, Princess; I'm thrilled we finally ended up here together,'' he says, and you hum contently. You don't want to leave his arms, but once your belly starts rumbling, you know you don't have a choice.

''C'mon, let's get some breakfast, and after, we'll talk, okay?'' he says, and you agree before wiggling out of his grasp after a few more kisses.

Tony pulls on a pair of sweats before you walk to the communal kitchen, where, much to your surprise, no one is.

''How about some pancakes?'' you say, and Tony agrees, so you get the batter ready while Tony sets up the pan to make them. Once you're both ready, he grabs your hand and pulls you towards him, letting you step in front of the stove and standing behind you to bake them.

Even with you standing there, he can prepare them perfectly, and you can't stop yourself from smiling constantly. You don't notice the rest of the Avengers slowly trickling into the kitchen, but they all give each other knowing looks as they see the two of you.

''Morning, you two,'' Bucky says as he walks in, and that's when your head snaps towards him, and you finally see all the other Avengers in the kitchen, looking at the both of you.

A deep red color from the tops of your cheeks down to your chest appears, but all Bucky does is wink, and you give him a huge smile. Tony places a soft kiss on the top of your head before flipping more pancakes.

It doesn't bother Tony in the slightest, and you let yourself melt into his embrace while you wait for the last pancakes to be cooked.

''Let's have our breakfast in my apartment, okay?'' he whispers, and you nod before plopping a few pancakes on your plate with extra syrup and waving to the Avengers before you retreat to his apartment.

As soon as you find yourself on his couch, Tony has sat down next to you, and you're enjoying his delicious pancakes. He decides to break the silence first by addressing what's going on between the two of you.

''So, what do you think, Princess? Was this just a one-time thing, or did you have something else in mind?'' he asks carefully, and your eyes shoot up to his.

''Oh, Tony! This was more than just a one-and-done for me! I can't tell you how long I've loved you. Well, first it was just Iron Man, but when I got to know the man behind the suit, that's when you stole my heart, and to this day, you still have it,'' you say with a shy smile.

You feel a little stupid for saying you've had a crush on him forever, but he doesn't judge. At the very least, it's an ego boost for him, though he doesn't say that.

''It wasn't a 'one-and-done' for me either-'' he says in air quotes, ''I'd love to give us a chance at a relationship because I want to show you how much I love you, Princess. Treat you the way you deserve to be treated,'' he says.

And with those words, it's official. You're in a relationship with the one and only Iron Man, and you couldn't be happier. Dreams do come true for those who believe in them, after all.

[sugawarassoulmate]

The reason I asked is because do you remember the truth or dare scene? Well that sorta but with bad boy! Aki and pining!Kei. Someone dares Kei to kiss the prettiest girl in the room instead of kissing readers best friend(his current gf) he kisses reader. The drama would be just *chefs kiss*

OMG YES

words: 529

cw: fem!reader, cheating (kind of), mentions of drugs/alcohol, not nsfw but minors buzz off

the feeling of your lips against his was everything he hoped it would be — sweet, soft, and intoxicating — but it was painfully over before he could savor it and by the time kei comes back to his sense, he realizes that he was royally fucked.

"what the fuck were you thinking? you better be wasted...or high or something!" you shouted at him. yamaguchi was in the living room ushering the straggling party guests out of the house, leaving the three of you and kei's girlfriend — your best friend — left.

it was a blur, honestly, he didn't mean for any of it to happen. kei didn't even want to play that stupid game. what university student still plays truth or dare? kei told himself he wouldn't do any stupid dares but yamaguchi, alcohol still heavy on his breath, asked that he kiss the prettiest girl in the room.

his body moved without thinking, brushing past his girlfriend who had her lips already pursed in preparation for a kiss. but kei instead reached for your unassuming mouth, pulling you in for a kiss that left the rest of the room watching in horror.

"she won't even talk to me," you groaned. kei's girlfriend ran upstairs in embarrassment after the kiss, locking herself in one of the bedrooms and refusing to come out. "she thinks there's something going on between us. how could you do that, kei?"

"tadashi said to kiss the prettiest girl," kei mumbled, too ashamed to look you in the eye.

you scoffed, body buzzing with the anger boiling inside. "yeah, it was a freebie to kiss your girlfriend, dumbass!"

"but he said to kiss the prettiest girl in the room," he repeats himself, this time plucking up the courage to look at you.

"don't say things like that, kei," the anger suddenly disappears, replaced with a gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach. "i don't think of you in that way."

"because of him, right?" kei didn't have to say his name, the look on your face confirmed everything he already knew.

there was a reason why you were so grumpy before the party started. kei knew you had been talking with his brother earlier that day, probably begging him to stop by "just for an hour or two" but, being a few years older, the thought of hanging out with a bunch of uni students didn't sound like a fun night for akiteru.

hell, kei didn't want to be here either, even with his girlfriend bugging him the entire time. but when you asked him, he jumped at the chance knowing full well that there was another tsukishima on your mind.

a part of kei—stupidly, foolishly—thought that you'd appreciate him more if he spent more time with you in ways that his brother didn't but none of it ever mattered.

"i'm gonna try to get through to her," you finally say, pointing upstairs. "someone's gotta comfort your girlfriend."

you leave kei standing alone, watching you bounce upstairs to try to fix his mistakes. he wants to reach for you and pull you into an embrace but he's sure that you'd only reject him again.

might make a part 2? 👀

©sugawarassoulmate 2023 all rights reserved - please do not repost/translate my work on other platforms!

[brights-place]

My birthday was 5 days ago and I forgot to request this then but I was wondering if you could do a fluff or something with Trollex and Synth as their both mine favorites? I loves your writings by the way ❤❤

Trollex & Synth B-DAY headcannons!

Pairings: Synth X Reader, Trollex X Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Synth being an cutie, Trollex being a cutiee X1000

A/N: Happy late birthday lovely! I hope you enjoyed it! and hope you also enjoy this writing too :D

Trollex

- Trollex setup everything for your birthday party and got a rave all ready for everybody to celebrate your birthday - He had everything organized. The music, food, a romantic dinner, and even his favorite cake…everything! He couldn't wait to show it to you when you have arrived. - He had set up a rave as an entrance with laser lights, music, and an open bar. - A rave was in full swing as he smiled having you beside him with the music that was pumping and energy was high - Everyone at the party was having a great time The music was loud and energetic, and there was plenty of food and drink to go around. Trollex felt the atmosphere buzzing with excitement. - Everyone was having a great time especially you! as you cheered with the citizens who wished you happy birthday

- You couldn't help but feel utterly amazed by the surprise party as he cheered with you - and kissed you deeply with a huge smile as you laughed at your partner - Trollex felt a rush of excitement as he watched you take in all the details he setted up for you - but if your an introvert then he'd do a quiet birthday party for you - He had everything organized. The music, food, a romantic dinner, and even his favorite cake…everything! He couldn't wait to show it to you when you have arrived.

- As the time of the party neared, Trollex started getting nervous. He was worried that he might have forgotten something. But he had checked and doubled-checked every detail…everything was in place. - He organized everything with you in mind and making sure it was a comfy party for both of you mainly you! -He had set up an intimate dinner with all your favorite foods and snacks! - The decor was simple but cozy just the way you like it :DD - And for the cherry on top he had bought your favorite cake and had arranged for a quiet celebration with just the two of you - It was just the two of you enjoying each other's company and celebrating another year of life. - Trollex loves you so much and always wishes you a good and happy birthday

Synth

- Synth wanted to celebrate your birthday in a unique and special way - Synth had planned a surprise rave for you his amazing partner! - You both having been together for years Synth knew exactly what you liked and wanted to create a special experience for your birthday - He knew that you liked raves, so Synth had planned to make this surprise rave even more special - He had set up the playlist chosen the music, and picked out the perfect spot for the rave with the help of trollex who was setting down the beats - Synth was excited to see the look on you face when you have realized that Synth had planned everything. - But again if your introverted he doesn't mind either this golden retriever loves you either way

- He organized everything with you in mind and making sure it was a comfy party for both of you mainly you! -He had set up an intimate dinner with all your favorite foods and snacks! - It was just the two of you enjoying each other's company and celebrating another year of your birthday and your life - Synth would stare at you if your both cuddling while binge watching shows or movies as he stares at you with large pupils - Face smothered in kisses and him clinging to your wait - Either way he loves you so much and always wishes you a good and happy birthday

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2023 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact!

[anisespice]

How about walking around in booty shorts to get your man’s attention❤️❤️

you got it, anon! thank you so much for your patience and for requesting !! i took wayyyyy too long to do this lol wasn't sure who you wanted for this, so i figured i'd just make it into an "insert who you want" kind of scenario. hope you enjoy :))

pairing: various x fem!reader

warnings: mature language, MDI. talks about posteriors (lol), suggestive themes, and i think that's all.

notes: been sick these past few days, so had to put a hold on the next part of "the fuck it list" :((( but hopefully i'll have it up sometime tomorrow, didn't want to leave you guys high and dry sooo !! hope you enjoy ♡♡♡

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐬 ∵ The ones who are caught completely by surprise, needing to do a double-take at them double-stacks attached to your spine to make sure his eyes were playing tricks. You didn’t normally wear them around the house, at least not without a big shirt that usually covered everything, so clearly you were baiting him for something; and consider him hooked. It didn't matter what he was doing before you walked into the room, consider it DROPPED + IGORNERED + NONEXISTENT. On the game with the guys? Dropped. Typing up a work email? Ignored. Watching a show? Nonexistent. Won't put his hands on you right away, his mama raised him better than that, and he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. But he will side-eye tf out your ass until you eventually have to say something—He looked like he was finna pass out if you didn’t.

"You know you’re allowed to touch me, right?"

"Thank FUCK, I thought you were gonna torture me forever - please come over here now please, thank you.”

TAKEMICHI, kakucho, chifuyu, angry, SHINICHIRO, kazutora, kyotani, kenma, aran, kageyama, deku, kirishima, tamaki, twice, [insert anyone you want ].

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 ∵ DOWN BAD AND PROUD OF IT. Utterly shameless, eyes waste no time honing in on your ass the second you walk past him, indulging his intrusive thoughts by giving you a light smack on that thang just to watch it jiggle. Wearing a shit-eating grin when you turn to playfully glare at him; he fucking knows you love it. Doesn't even care if y'all got company either, I mean shittt - you didn't when you decided to walk around with them shorts on. Absolutely will follow you around, feel you up and everything, homie cannot keep his hands to himself to save his life. Not his fault you look so damn tempting, he just couldn't resist. Good luck trying to get anything done now, and prepare to be absolutely SICK of him. You wanted his attention, you got it.

"Oh my goddd, boy, leave me aloneee."

"Nah, don’t get shy on me now, babe. Nowhere close to being done with you."

SANZU, hanma, rindou, RAN, smiley, baji, mikey, MATTSUN, maki, tanaka, nishinoya, SUNA, ATSUMU, HINATA, bokuto, sero, denki, mirio, HAWKS, [insert anyone you want ].

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝-𝐥𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 ∵ Won't look like he's phased at all, you could be walking around in your underwear and he won't break a sweat. Honestly, he'll have you feeling stupid at first, thinking you weren't as irresistible as you thought. Fret not you sexy thing, that's just how it appeared on the outside. On the inside tho, that man was having some rather... depraved thoughts. He wasn't born yesterday, he knew you were trying to get a rise outta him, but he really needed to focus on his work right now. But, don't worry...once he's done, he got something for that ass later.

"You didn't think I was gonna let your little stunt slide, did you?"

kokonoi, WAKASA, izana, draken, MITSUYA, ushijima, KITA, daichi, kuroo, iwaizumi, akaashi, osamu, sugawara, oikawa, TODOROKI, bakugou, shinshou, shigaraki, dabi, [ insert anyone you want ].

© 2023-2024 anisespice ッ all rights reserved. likes, comments & reblogs much appreciated!

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 26

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 11/13/2023

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: "I don't want to do this."

I lost track of how much time passed as I watched Dieter sleep. My mind was racing through so many thoughts that it overwhelmed me, making it impossible to process anything at all. It was hard to pull myself away from him, but I felt like I needed a few minutes to myself to just…feel. I was relieved when the nurse walked in to check on him, feeling like that was my out. I let her know that we would be in the waiting room if he asked for us. When she turned her attention back to her checklist, I excused myself from the room.

As I walked down the hallway, I took a moment to observe my surroundings. Seeing patients through open doors in various states of critical care was making me feel anxious. The sounds of beeping machines dredging up old memories that I thought I had packed away for good. The pungent smells of antiseptic and fragrances of chemical based cleaners caused my stomach to churn. I hated hospitals and I hated that Dieter was having to go through this experience. I truly hoped that it would at least have a positive outcome so that he could finally get the proper help he needed.

I ducked into a single-user bathroom to have a minute to myself, knowing it would be my only opportunity. After locking the door behind me, I walked over to the sink and gave myself a once over in the mirror. I looked like hell. My air-dried curly hair was now a frizzy mess from my fingers incessantly pulling at it. My eyes were circled in darkness from the lack of sleep, red and swollen from crying. The t-shirt I had quickly thrown on before leaving the house was wrinkled and had a stain on it. No wonder the ER doctor didn’t take my word for it when I said I was fine. I wouldn’t have believed me either. 

I tried to smooth my hair down but didn’t get anywhere with it. Luckily, I had a hair tie on my wrist so I could pull it back into a messy bun. I took a minute to splash some warm water over my face. My skin felt sensitive and raw from the salty tears that had fallen, no matter how much I willed them not to. I switched over to cold water for a little shock to my system to try and wake up some. After splashing a few handfuls of the cold water, I stood watching it pool in my cupped hands, allowing it to spill over the sides. I could feel myself disassociating, until the flashes of memories started to break through.

Images of Dieter lying on the floor, his eyes opening briefly as I tried to wake him before they rolled back and closed again. The way he looked lifeless in my lap on the drive to the hospital, with a weakened pulse. The sight of him being pulled from my embrace and loaded onto a gurney surrounded by nurses and doctors as they worked to stabilize him. It was too much, and it was all crashing down on me at once. I had almost lost him because I was too fucking selfish to take the risk and reach out to him when I knew in my gut that something was wrong. I completely ignored it all and focused on being angry at him, just to make myself feel better about the whole situation. Now, I only felt anger toward myself.

I snapped back to the present, letting the water spill from my hands before reaching to turn off the faucet. I placed my wet hands on the back of my neck for a moment, allowing the coldness to soothe the heat radiating through my body. I closed my eyes and took a few measured breaths. Then, I reached for paper towels to dry my hands and face before throwing them in the trash. I placed both palms on the sink, leaning against it with my head down. I closed my eyes again, still taking deep breaths to try and center myself.

When I raised my head and opened my eyes, meeting my reflection in the mirror, I hated the person that I saw. My biggest fear had been losing myself again. I had allowed it to happen without even realizing how the darkness was slowly consuming what little was left of me. The harder I worked to keep it away from me the easier it was for the darkness to stealthily pull me into its numbing embrace. The sad part is, I welcomed it with open arms under the guise that I was doing what I needed to do to move forward and be happy.

For the first time since Dieter ended things, I realized I was slowly turning back into the person I was before him. The person I was when I was with Justin. The scared girl who pretended everything was fine and hid her feelings away out of fear that someone would see how bad things were. I had been conditioned to behave this way to protect Justin and all his wrong doings. I had been conditioned to hide my feelings away so that I wouldn’t realize how unhappy I really was. I could feel the walls starting to crumble down again and I found myself craving a drink but knew I couldn’t go down that road. I knew I needed to get back on track and handle things the correct way, for the sake of myself. I wasn’t going to be able to be there for Dieter unless I finally got my shit together. For real this time. I needed to find better ways to cope and actually process my feelings, rather than lock them away. If I didn’t do this, I knew I would be lost to the darkness forever.    

I was drawn away from my thoughts by a knock on the door. I took one last deep breath and moved to leave the bathroom. As I continued my trudge down the hallway, I somehow managed to focus my mind back on the current situation that needed attention, trying to think through the next steps. I wasn’t even sure what those needed to be since I had never dealt with anything like this. This was definitely going to be a team effort.

When I entered the waiting room, I was met with more activity than I expected. Everyone was working to check out various inpatient treatment centers for Dieter. Alex was reaching out to his contacts for feedback while Lauren and Gabby did research on their phones. I immediately joined in. We were determined to find something away from LA that wasn’t one of the upscale places celebrities usually went to that catered to them. He needed to be somewhere that would not treat him any differently than other patients and really focus on helping him get better.

We finally settled on a facility in Tucson, Arizona called Sanctuary Hills that appeared to be promising. It was away from paparazzi central, making it less likely that anything would leak about Dieter being there. It also came highly recommended by Dr. Wilson and several other individuals that Alex spoke with. It would be a long drive, but more than worth it if the place was as good as everyone made it out to be. Once the decision was made, Gabby called to get more information and to get the admission process started. 

We did not want to give Dieter the opportunity to change his mind, so Gabby and I planned to drive him directly to the facility once he was discharged from the hospital. Sanctuary Hills was kind enough to send us a list of things that Dieter could and could not bring with him, so I offered to go pack a bag for him on my way home to nap and freshen up. Gabby planned to do the same while Lauren and Alex stayed behind to spend some time with Dieter once he woke up.

When the Uber driver pulled into the driveway of Dieter’s house, I could feel my chest tighten as anxiety set in. Being there after what had happened the previous evening felt odd, almost sort of eerie. It seemed like there was bad energy emitting from the once happy place that I had considered my second home.

As I used Gabby’s key to unlock the front door, I suddenly felt a wave of emotion sweep over me. I could already feel a lump forming in my throat. When I stepped inside and really took in the space for the first time, I realized how much of a mess it was. I had noticed it the night before but didn’t register the severity because I had been focused on helping him. Dieter’s comforter and a pillow, my pillow, were haphazardly laying on the couch. There were old takeout containers randomly sitting around the living room and kitchen, some still containing food that looked like it had hardly been touched. I assumed that was the cause of the questionable smell permeating throughout the house. The TV was laying on its back on the floor with a busted screen. There were empty and broken liquor bottles of all shapes and sizes laying everywhere. Most of the broken bottles were concentrated on the floor under the painting I had left for him, like they had been thrown at the wall. The painting appeared to be untouched, which was oddly comforting to see.

It was difficult to see the physical evidence of how bad he had been hurting. There was no way that I could look at the sight before me and not feel anything. I simply could not pack this away somewhere in my mind and not deal with it. It was too much, but I needed the raw emotional confrontation. This is what finally caused my walls to crumble down, forcing me to feel everything at once. The sadness, betrayal, hurt, pain, anger…all of it. I couldn’t hold back the flood of tears any longer. My vision blurred momentarily before the tears started to fall incessantly. I didn’t even bother to wipe them away as I made my way toward Dieter’s bedroom to start packing a bag for him.

If I thought the living room and kitchen were bad, his bedroom was even worse. The bed was completely torn apart, and the frame broken. The nightstands were turned on their sides and the lamps that once set atop them laid in pieces on the floor. The mirror on the dresser was shattered and the drawers and clothes were thrown across the room. There was a hole in the drywall where the headboard used to be and another beside the bathroom door. It felt like I was having an out of body experience, the scene around me looking like it had been pulled straight from a movie.

I stood there for a time; both of my hands placed over my mouth in shock as I looked around the room. I had a hard time reconciling the thoughts of Dieter causing such destruction. This wasn’t him. He wasn’t a violent person. This was the culmination of his pain finally breaking him. My legs suddenly felt weak at that realization. I sank to the floor, continuing to take it all in as the tears fell freely down my cheeks. It was hard to see a space that held so many wonderful memories of us reduced to a pile of rubble. Maybe it had been even harder for him to be reminded of those memories while it was still intact, a caricature of how things used to be.

I don’t know how much time passed before I finally pulled myself up off the floor. I needed to take a breather. I walked back to the living room, where I noticed Dieter's phone still laying on the floor from where he had dropped it. My car keys were on the floor nearby, where I had apparently dropped them in the midst of my rush to get to him. I leaned down to pick up the keys and phone. I figured Gabby may need some of the contact information from his phone to deal with his work stuff, so I didn’t want to forget it. I walked over and plopped down on the couch before setting the two items down on the coffee table next to one another.

The lock screen of the phone lit up, catching my attention. I picked it up for a closer look, realizing the wallpaper was the infamous picture of us that he had posted on Instagram. Except this was the unedited original. It was in color, uncropped, and not blurred with filters. I had never seen this version of it. It almost broke me to see how happy and content we both looked. Even though Dieter’s head was turned slightly, I could still see the rare spark of happiness in his eyes. The crease that he often had between his brows was smooth. It was hard to remember that for a short time we had been blissfully happy. It seemed so long ago now. I realized that I would give anything to go back to that. We both needed the good times, to experience those rare moments of joy, when things didn’t feel like an uphill battle.

I grabbed the comforter that was halfway hanging onto the floor and wrapped it around me as I laid down onto the couch, phone still clutched in my hand. The scent of Dieter’s cologne surrounded me in a comforting embrace as I continued to examine the picture. A low battery alert appeared on screen. I chuckled to myself, thinking how my battery felt low too. I eventually set his phone back down on the table and drifted off to sleep.

I was jolted awake by my cell phone ringing in my back pocket. When I sat up, I realized it was now dark outside. I had been asleep for longer than I had planned to be. It took me a few seconds to work out where I was as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I quickly stood and fished the phone out of my pocket to see that it was Gabby calling me. She wanted to check in and see how I was doing and if I needed help with any of Dieter’s things. I didn’t, of course. That was something I wanted to deal with on my own, but I appreciated her offer, nevertheless. It felt good to know that I was not alone in all of this, that this time around there were other people close to Dieter and me who understood what was going on.

Gabby went on to share that Alex had called to say the hospital would be releasing Dieter the following morning. She was planning for us to make the seven-and-a-half-hour drive immediately after picking him up. Then she and I would take a flight back to Los Angeles. It was going to be a long day, but it was worth it if it meant he was going to get the help he needed. We made plans for her to pick me up in a rental car and be ready to go first thing in the morning.

Once Gabby and I hung up, I realized I had a text from Aubrey. I had only just realized that I never called into work that today, so I was surprised I had not heard from her sooner.

Aubrey: Lauren called me last night to let me know what was going on. I hope everything is ok. Please take all the time you need, for the both of you. Keep me updated and let me know if you need anything.

I sighed heavily. I seriously did not deserve her or Lauren. They gave me more grace than I deserved sometimes. I fired off a quick update to Aubrey to let her know that both Dieter and I were doing ok and that I would need a couple of days off. She responded immediately to let me know that would be fine.

Since that was off the “to do” list, I decided to pack Dieter’s bag. I pulled up the list that Gabby had sent to me. He was basically limited to three days’ worth of comfortable clothes and nothing else until they considered him to be fully stable. He couldn’t even have his glasses or contacts, something he was definitely not going to be happy about.

I sent a quick text to Gabby reminding her that Dieter would need a phone list since he couldn’t have his phone. I figured she might have a better idea of who needed to be listed on that and that she would probably have most of their numbers. Then, I made my way to his closet, ignoring the mess in the bedroom as best I could. I found that his closet was completely untouched and still somewhat organized. I noticed that half of it was now empty, which reminded me of the conversation we had about making space to keep some of my things there. He had clearly held up to his word on that and never bothered to change it back. I could feel the lump forming in my throat with that thought. I shook my head, dismissing the memory so I could focus on the task at hand.

I quickly grabbed a pair of his gray workout shorts and two pairs of striped pajama pants (that did not have drawstrings) and three plain t-shirts from the shelves. I found his bright green robe and removed the waist belt before adding it to my stack. I had to dig around to find slip on closed toe shoes that didn’t have any metal or laces on them. At the bottom of his shoe pile, I found a pair of black croc clogs that I had never seen him wear, but it’s what he was getting because it was the only pair I could find that met the requirements. After grabbing some of his boxers and socks, I started looking around for a bag. I eventually came across an extra-large tote bag that could barely hold everything. He wasn’t allowed to bring his own toiletries, so I didn’t have to worry about any of that. I quickly ran through the list again making sure I didn’t miss anything. I made a mental note to double check on the phone list with Gabby and get his medications back from the hospital. Other than that, he couldn’t have anything else.         

Before I left Dieter’s house, I collected all the food containers and took out the trash. That was something that needed immediate attention due to the smell alone. The rest would have to wait until I had more time. I wanted to make sure to get everything cleaned up before he came home, whenever that would be. The mess was the last thing he needed to deal with, and he most definitely did not need any reminders of what happened to him.

I collected the tote bag, my phone and Dieter’s, and my car keys before walking out to my car and heading back to my house. After I got home, I gathered a few things I would need for our quick trip, set my alarm, then immediately went to bed. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for sleep to take me. I was physically and mentally exhausted and I could feel every bit of it.

The morning alarm came quickly. I felt like I had only just dozed off as I sat up in bed, stretching. My head was throbbing, and I could feel that my eyes were still swollen and stinging from all the crying I had done the past two days. I hoped a hot shower would help alleviate the tightness I could feel from the inflammation and ease my aching body. I drug myself up out of bed and took a very long shower. I mostly stood under the hot spray, unmoving, as I stared at the floor. I felt like I needed to mentally prepare myself for whatever the day would bring. I didn’t know what to expect, which left me anticipating all possible outcomes, including the worst-case scenarios. My only hope was that Dieter stayed calm throughout the trip and didn’t change his mind about accepting help before we got him there.  

I spent longer than I should have in the shower, causing me to rush around to get ready. Not that I had planned to put a lot of effort into it anyway because it was definitely a messy bun and sunglasses kind of day. I was glad that I had gotten things ready the night before or else I know that I would have ended up forgetting something. Before I knew it, Gabby was pulling into my driveway. When I got into the car, she handed Dieter’s phone list over to me so she would not forget about it. I added it to his bag before I handed over his cell phone to her.

I could tell she was just as anxious as I was from her tight grip on the steering wheel and tense posture. We hardly said a word to each other during the drive to the hospital. Both of us were clearly deep in thought. The way I felt was almost indescribable. I was anxious and my chest felt tight, but in a different way than before. My head was buzzing as the thoughts raced uncontrollably. I felt hopeful, sad, and angry all at the same time. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around how it had actually come to this. It almost didn’t seem real. I was starting to feel disconnected, like I was watching everything from the outside. I knew that probably wasn’t a good thing, but also felt like it might be the only way I could get through today. I would just have to deal with the consequences of it later.  

When we arrived at the hospital, we found that Alex was already pushing the discharge process along as best he could. He had spent the night with Dieter so he wouldn’t have to be alone. Alex had to be exhausted since he had been at the hospital the entire time. He had the least amount of sleep out of all of us in the past forty-eight hours, so I knew he was ready to crash. Lauren arrived soon after Gabby and me so that she could take Alex home. She had stopped to get us all coffee and breakfast too, which was very much appreciated by all.

Dr. Wilson briefly met with Gabby and I to give us Dieter’s bag full of medication and to go over paperwork. He gave us copies of everything that Sanctuary Hills would need but indicated they had sent electronic copies as well. He let us know that they gave Dieter a sedative thirty-minutes prior because he was still being uncooperative with staff and exhibiting high levels of anxiety. He noted that it should last about eight hours but included another dose with Dieter’s medication in case it was needed. That was not the news that Gabby and I wanted to hear, but we were appreciative that Dieter was given something to calm him down during the trip. We were hopeful that being with us would help him relax some too.

When we were finally able to make our way to Dieter’s room, we found him sitting on the bed picking at the food Lauren had brought for him. It didn’t look like he had eaten much of it. He seemed a little dazed as he sat in silence staring around the room at nothing. Lauren and Alex gave Gabby and I an apprehensive look as our eyes darted between them and Dieter. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting but I don’t think this was it. I assumed his behavior was like this because the sedative was kicking in, making him feel out of it while dulling the anxiety.

I walked over to stand next to the bed, reaching out to push Dieter’s hair back out of his eyes, which caused him to focus his attention on me for the first time. He knitted his brows together as he stared at me in silence for a moment. Then he reached up to lightly tug on my shirt, pulling me to sit down beside him. I wrapped my right arm around him as I moved to sit closer to him, then reached up to rub the curls at the nap of his neck. He immediately melted into my side and laid his head on my shoulder, his arms tightening around me. I took a stuttered breath as I fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. He was so fucking pitiful, and it was breaking my heart to see him like that.

After several minutes passed and when I eventually felt like I had my emotions under control, I asked Dieter if he wanted to change clothes and get ready to leave. He nodded slowly against my shoulder. Gabby handed him a set of clothes and the crocs I had gotten from his house as he got up to go toward the bathroom. While we waited for him, a nurse came in with the last bit of paperwork for Gabby to sign off on. By the time he came back out, we were ready to go. Gabby went out ahead of us to get the rental SUV and pull it up to the door. The rest of us made our way downstairs, accompanied by two patient care assistants. They kept a close eye on Dieter the whole way, which made me question what he had been doing to the staff that was so “uncooperative”. I felt like they were expecting him to run off or something.

Once Gabby pulled up, we gave Alex and Dieter some space to say their goodbyes. Alex had placed one of his hands around the back of Dieter’s neck, pulling their foreheads close together as he talked quietly to his older brother. Something about the sight caused Gabby, Lauren, and I to immediately tear up. The intense emotional look that passed between the two of them said so much. Dieter tightly nodded along to whatever his brother was saying before they pulled each other into a warm embrace. After a quick hug from Lauren, Dieter crawled into the back seat of the SUV. He stared at me wide-eyed and unblinking with his sad puppy dog eyes, seeming to be asking a question without words. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile before climbing in to sit next to him as he scooted to the other side.

Dieter sat wringing his hands and staring down at the floor as we waited for Gabby to finish filling Alex in on our plans for the day. I reached over to grab his left hand and he visibly relaxed some. He glanced over at me with a tight smile before turning to stare out the window. He still looked paler than normal. Seeing him in his own clothes made it more apparent that he had lost some weight, which added to his frail appearance. I knew the current sight of him would haunt my dreams for weeks to come.

Soon after we got on the road, I noticed Dieter was having a hard time keeping his eyes open as he leaned his head against the window.

I gave his hand a small squeeze as I eyed him, “You ok?”

“Those fucking drugs they gave me are making it hard to stay awake,” he said flatly without looking my way.

I started rubbing small circles on his hand with my thumb, “Do you wanna lay down?”

His eyes locked with mine in an intense stare, like he was surprised at my words. I moved to grab a small blanket and pillow from behind the seat that Gabby had brought for him. I handed him the blanket and placed the pillow in my lap as he watched me intently. I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt like I was dealing with a scared feral animal from the look he was giving me. I didn’t want to spook him, but I also wanted to make sure I was there for him in the ways he needed. I reached toward him and motioned with my hand for him to lay down. He moved to get comfortable the best he could in the small space, folding his body to fit and putting his head in my lap. He sighed deeply, eyes closing as he tried to make himself comfortable. Once he was situated, I started running my fingers through his hair and lightly scratching at his scalp. It wasn’t long before his breathing changed to deep steady breaths as he fell asleep.

The drive was long and quiet. I could occasionally feel Gabby’s eyes on me in the rearview mirror as I watched Dieter sleep. My thoughts were still quickly cycling through every second of our time together, trying to figure out when things started to get so bad. I had a feeling Gabby could see everything I was feeling written on my face during that drive. She never questioned it though. There were times that I glanced her way and she seemed to be just as deep in thought as I was.

About four hours into the trip, Gabby asked if we should stop for food. Since Dieter was still sleeping, we decided to push through the drive without stopping. I got the feeling that she wanted to get this whole process over with as soon as possible, leaving little room for interruptions or complications. I couldn’t blame her since I was feeling the same way, along with the nagging feeling that the worst part was still to come.          

It turns out, I was right. By the time we reached Sanctuary Hills, the sedative was wearing off. Dieter had woken up about twenty minutes before we got to the facility, and I could tell his anxiety was ramping up. It started with his fingers twitching, and the restless moving of his legs, until he eventually sat up in his seat. His eyes began to drift across everything he could see in the car. Eventually the outside caught his attention as he started to fidget more and wring his hands together again. He refused to take the other pill that Dr. Wilson had sent with us because he was tired of sleeping and how the drug was making him feel.

As we pulled into the parking lot, Dieter’s eyes fixated on the building while he roughly scratched at his chin. I grabbed his hand to make him stop in hopes it would calm him down some. Gabby and I exchanged worried glances in the rearview mirror as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Gabby and I got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. Gabby pulled Dieter’s door open. He sat staring at me, wide-eyed. He looked terrified. I gave him a tight smile as I reached out my hand for his. He finally relented and took it as he got out. He shuffled slowly behind me as we walked toward the entrance. Gabby grabbed his bag out of the back and quickly caught up to us.

Once we entered the facility, Dieter stood closely at my side with a tight grip on my left hand as he chewed on the thumbnail of his free hand. His head was down, but his eyes were scanning over everything in sight. I tried my best to sooth him and keep him calm while Gabby worked to complete the check in process, occasionally asking him questions for the paperwork she was filling out. He answered quietly, in a barely audible voice, never removing his thumb from his mouth to speak.  

One of the ladies helping with the check in process started to go through Dieter’s bag to check for “contraband” and ensure all of the items were in compliance with the regulations. As she was checking everything, she asked him if he had any jewelry or a cell phone that he needed to turn over to us before Gabby and I left. I felt Dieter tense beside me as his energy changed, from anxious to almost hostile. When I turned to look at him, I could see the panic and anger flashing in his eyes. The inevitable meltdown was finally happening. 

“My phone? You mean I don’t get to keep my fucking phone? No. I didn’t agree to that.”

He started shaking his head frantically from side to side as he backed away from me. I calmly walked over to him and placed both of my hands on his face, softly stroking his patchy beard, in an attempt to calm him as he continued to ramble on.

“How am I supposed to call you without my phone? What if I need you? This place is like a fucking prison. I don’t want to do this.”  

“Dieter, listen to me.”

He finally paused his movements as he stared directly into my eyes. What I saw there made me feel like someone was carving my heart out of my chest with a rusted spoon. I have no idea how I managed to hold it together, but I did.

“You can’t have your phone, but you can use theirs. You have a set phone time to call us. They want you to focus on getting better, so you can’t keep it with you.” 

“A set phone time? I only have your number memorized. Not the others.”

I was momentarily taken off guard by his admission, feeling more emotional than I already had been if that were possible. He obviously wasn’t thinking rationally right now. This wouldn’t be an issue for most people, but Dieter was used to always having his phone to stay connected with those he cared about. It was understandable the absence of that connection would upset him.

“Gabby made you a list of phone numbers so you can call us. It’s in your bag.”

This answer didn’t seem to dampen his anxiety in the slightest, “But I can only call during certain times? What if you don’t answer and I can’t call back?”

“I’ll answer. I promise… and if you need anything between calls, your case worker can call for you if it isn’t something that can wait.”

I could see the tears brimming in his eyes as he continued to stare at me, a pleading expression on his face - either about the phone, his stay, or something else entirely. I was not sure. I tried to keep my face neutral for his sake, but I knew I was failing. My brows drew down together without my permission as my vision blurred slightly from my own tears. He lowered his head and turned away from me, his shoulders shaking slightly from his shallow breathing. He started to clench and unclench his hands at his sides as he moved further away. I quickly wiped at my eyes and glanced over at Gabby and the ladies behind the front desk. They were all staring at the two of us with worry and concern in their eyes. I took a deep breath before walking over to Dieter, pulling him away from the onlookers and enveloping him into a tight hug. I could feel his fingers knotting in the back of my shirt as he spoke through his tears into my neck. “I’m so fucking terrified to do this and I don’t want you to leave me.” I could feel his grip tighten further as he quietly added, “We didn’t get any time to fix things.”

I gently ran my fingers through the back of his hair, “Don’t worry about that, I’ll be right here when you’re done. We can talk about it later. I want you to focus on yourself right now. When you’re better, you’re coming home to me, ok? I’m not going anywhere.”

He slowly pulled back to meet my eyes. He seemed determined now as he searched my face.

“I don’t want to spend another night away from you after this.”

I gave him a genuine smile before leaning my forehead against his and closing my eyes to savor the feeling of him, trying to memorize every little bit of him that I could. I felt a tentative hand cupping my cheek as I opened my eyes to look up at him again. I leaned into his gentle touch, for the first time in months. I had missed it so much more than I realized. I couldn’t help myself. I reached up and entwined my fingers with his hand on my cheek before pulling them to rest between us. I used my other hand to pull him toward me and gently placed a kiss on his lips.

The way his face lit up as a few more tears slid down his cheeks made my heart clench. He didn’t hesitate to reach up with both hands and pull me in for a second and third kiss before briefly resting his forehead against mine, the physical intimacy that we had to do without for months seeming to ground him a little. He took a deep steady breath as he backed away.  “Alright, let’s get this shit over with.”

Dieter’s mood shift was surprising and also a relief. He seemed to be having a moment of clarity, which I took full advantage of as I pulled him over toward Gabby so that he could help her finish with his paperwork. Things went much faster after that than I expected. Before we knew it, we were saying our goodbyes. He didn’t let go of my hand until he absolutely had to. He still looked sad, but seemed in better spirits than he was when he arrived. I was thankful for that since it made it more bearable for everyone involved.

Gabby and I had to hurry to catch our flight. We had just enough time to turn in the rental and grab a small snack as we rushed through the airport. We didn’t talk much on our way home. The topic of her brother seemed to be off limits for the both of us, as an unspoken agreement. We were both so drained from the events of the last few days that we needed a break from it. I could tell she was appreciative of having me there though. It was obvious in the small smiles and gentle hand squeeze she would randomly give me during our journey.

By the time I finally made it back to my house, I was running on empty. It was late and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, but I somehow mustered up the energy to take a quick shower to wash the day of travel away. After that, it didn’t take long before I was out.

In the days that followed, I spent my time cleaning up the disaster that was Dieter’s house. I ended up having his bedroom furniture hauled off since several pieces were broken. It wasn’t worth the effort to try and fix them. Once that project was done, I didn’t have much else to do besides work and I did that from home. I did make an effort to spend time with Gabby and Lauren when I felt up to it. I felt it was important to work on my relationship with them since I had been so absent recently, and I didn’t want to risk isolating myself again as I was trying to cope with things. 

After a week had passed, nothing could take my mind off the fact that Dieter hadn’t called me. I was worried that he was starting to realize how badly I had handled this whole situation on my end. He was the one that ended things, but I had made zero effort to fight for us. I had let him go like it was nothing. I would expect him to be hurt by that. Gabby assured me that he hadn’t called because he was having a hard time coming off of his medication and wasn’t feeling up to much phone time. What little he had called to speak with her was to get things sorted out for work and those conversations only lasted a few minutes. She said it was obvious by the way he sounded that he wasn’t feeling well. The case worker told Gabby that he was having some withdrawal symptoms after the first few days of decreasing his medication dosages and he was having a hard time with it. I knew that was most likely the case, but that still didn’t keep the doubts from creeping in, imagining worst case scenarios.

It was nearly two weeks after we had dropped Dieter off at Sanctuary Hills when I got a surprise visit from Alex. He awkwardly greeted me as he walked through the doorway carrying a very large parcel wrapped in brown paper. I eyed it quizzically as he maneuvered it into the living room.

“What is this?”

“Dieter asked me to bring this to you that night I stayed with him at the hospital. I’m sorry, I’m just now getting around to it. He sent a not so polite reminder through Gabby about it yesterday.” 

“I take it you haven’t talked to him either then?”

Alex sighed as he shook his head, “No, not yet. Gab said he’s still kind of a mess right now because of the medication changes. She mostly talks to his case worker, I think.”

I nodded in understanding. Knowing that he hadn’t reached out to Alex either did offer some reassurances that it wasn’t just me. It hurt me beyond words to know that he was having such a hard time with the medication changes. I hoped, for his sake, that it did not last much longer. 

Alex moved to hand me the large parcel he was holding. I took it as I gave him a questioning look. I noticed his eyes lit up slightly before he gave me a smirk.

“It’s the painting from the art fundraiser.”

I knitted my brows together as I took it from him, ripping the front of the paper to reveal the painting that had turned me into an emotional mess that night. Once I had it completely unwrapped, I set it against the wall and stepped back to look at it. I realized there was something very familiar about the two figures.

More after the image

I turned to Alex, who still had the same smirk on his face, “I don’t understand. How did he know about the painting?”

His smirk slowly turned into a wide smile, “He painted it. He wanted to surprise you with it that night, but obviously that didn’t work out…”

I put my hand to my mouth, gasping audibly. Now I understood the reason I felt drawn to it that night. The two figures were us. I could feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes, threatening to make their escape.

“I don’t understand, when did he have time to do this? We were together constantly before he left for Canada.”

Alex moved to stand next to me, “He started it right after he got back from New York. He took a break when he went to film that movie in Mallorca but picked it up again when he got back…before he found you again.”

I chuckled in disbelief, “Well this certainly adds a whole other layer of feelings that I wasn’t expecting.”

“I know he did a lot of it at night, when he couldn’t sleep. He told me he couldn’t get you out of his head. I’m pretty sure he fell in love with you that first night you spilled your drink all over him. He wouldn’t stop talking about you, so I encouraged him to look you up. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life seen him so nervous to do something,” Alex let out a small laugh at the memory.

I didn’t even try to hold the tears back after that. How could I? It said so much about Dieter’s feelings. Alex glanced over at me, realizing my emotional state. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a gentle side hug.

“This is the first painting he’s done in years…just so you know. You definitely woke up something inside of him. We could all see it. I really hope you two can make it work once he gets out of that place. I think you’re good for each other.”

I was taken aback by Alex’s candor regarding his brother. His words were so unexpected given how quiet and shy he always was around me. I appreciated the fact that he felt comfortable enough to open up to me some.

“I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to tell you, but fuck it, you should know. The nickname he gave you, and that phrase… la estrella del norte, la luz en la oscuridad…that’s something our mother used to say to our father. So, to me and Gabby, it’s a big deal that he used that. We’ve never heard him say it to anyone before.”

I couldn’t help the way my face scrunched up at his words. I was one hundred percent about to ugly cry. I put my hand over my eyes to hide it as Alex pulled me in for a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said into the top of my hair.

“No, I’m not upset. This is a happy cry. It’s just…touching, I guess. I didn’t know that. This is a lot of information to take in and process. Thank you for telling me. I really needed this right now.”

Alex backed away and gave both of my shoulders a gentle squeeze and offered a small smile.

“Well, I won’t keep you any longer. Let Lauren know when you're free and feeling up to it and we can grab some dinner, yeah?”

I nodded and gave him a small smile as I walked him to the door.

After Alex left, I sat down on the floor in front of the painting, taking in every paint stroke. To the casual observer, it was probably just a nice painting of a couple in an embrace under the night sky. I, however, understood the subtle symbolism of the fog and darkness that surrounded the man, but not the woman and the bright star placed just above the woman in the background. The fact that something so simple could say so much was amazing to me. It had me feeling every emotion all at once.

I could not believe the origin of the nickname he had given me, or that he had started working on the painting well before he found me again. I always felt like there was more to the name, but I was not expecting that. He obviously had strong feelings toward me from the start. Looking back, I could no longer justify my reasoning for not being with him from the beginning. I hated that we had missed out on all of that time together.

I had a lot of thoughts swirling through my head that evening. I spent more time than I probably should have staring at that painting, but it was forcing me to process things that I had been avoiding. By the time I finally pulled myself up from the floor, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I went to bed after that and suffered through a night of restless sleep.

Sixty days after Dieter entered Sanctuary Hills, Gabby received a call from him, after mostly only communicating with his case worker over the past two months. He asked her to attend an in-person family counseling session there at the facility. She immediately agreed and got it scheduled. The day it happened; I was an anxious mess while I awaited news about the visit. He still hadn’t called me, or anyone else for that matter. We didn’t really understand why, but his case worker assured us that he was making progress and doing well. He was trying hard to focus on getting better and working through things a little at a time. He was very focused on his healing journey and doing everything that was asked of him. It was hard for me to understand it, being so far away and consumed by worries, but I was proud of him just the same. I was excited to know he was finally requesting to see his family and was hopeful that was a positive sign. 

As it got later into the evening, I was beginning to get concerned since I hadn’t heard from Gabby yet. She had promised to call when she left Sanctuary Hills. I sent her a few texts but did not get a response. I was about to try giving her a call when I heard a knock at the door. I was surprised to see that it was Gabby. The look on her face made my stomach drop. The fact that she hadn’t called and was now showing up with this look on her face couldn’t be a good sign. There was no greeting. She jumped right to the point, “Talia, I’m sorry to just show up, but can we talk? I don’t know who else to talk about this with and I need to talk about it.”

“Yeah, come in.”

We both walked over and sat on the couch. My hands were already fidgeting as the nerves and anticipation quickly built up. Every scenario running through my mind was scary and I wasn’t sure I could handle whatever it was she was about to say. Gabby immediately burst out into sobs. I pulled her into a hug as I tried to suppress my own panic.

“Gabby, I need for you to tell me what’s going on before I have a fucking stroke over here,” I said into her hair. She sighed heavily before pulling away to look at me.

“Dieter told me what happened that night, with mom. I wasn’t prepared for it. I can’t believe he kept that to himself all these years and it fucking kills me that I didn’t do more to support him in dealing with it. I didn’t know he was the one who found her. I always thought it was one of the workers.”

Her sobs continued as I digested her words. I felt instant relief that it wasn’t something worse, something I didn’t know of yet, but at the same time my heart broke for her. I know it had to be hard for her to hear. Hell, it was hard for me to hear.

“I’m sorry, no one else knows about it. I didn’t know who else I could talk to about it. He told me that you knew… I just needed a minute to fall apart and process it before I go home.”

“Hey, take all the time you need. I know it’s a lot to digest,” I said as I rubbed gentle circles on her back. 

“I just wished he would have opened up sooner and shared that burden with me. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten so bad if he had. I should have tried harder to make him talk to me about it.”

“Gabby, I don’t think it would have mattered what you said to him. He wasn’t gonna talk until he was ready.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I just feel terrible that I didn’t know. I don’t think anyone did. I bet dad didn’t even know.”

After a few minutes of silence, she seemed to pull herself together. She reached over to grab my free hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as she smiled up at me.

“He looks so good though…healthy and alert. I really think the treatment is helping. He’s expressing his feelings so well…I - I’m honestly not sure I’ve ever heard him talk that much about how he feels.”

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face as happy tears slid down my cheeks.

“He said he’s gonna call you soon. He’s nervous to talk to you for some reason and embarrassed about this whole thing. I told him he didn’t need to be, but you know how he is. He misses you though, I could tell. I lost track of how many times he asked about you.”

I reached up with both hands to wipe the tears from my face. It was comforting to know that he was thinking about me. I knew it was selfish of me to think that way because he should be focusing on himself, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel better about things.

Gabby didn’t share much more of what they had talked about. Some of it was things he wanted to talk to me about himself, so I didn’t want to push for more details. Once she finally felt composed, she left for home. She had had a long day of travel and was exhausted.

She and I had gotten so close in the last two months. We had been spending a lot of our free time together, along with Lauren and Alex. It truly felt like I was part of a family with them. I loved that she was now comfortable enough with me to share her feelings openly. It was something we had all been doing since Dieter had been away. Even Alex had opened up more. Even though what had happened to Dieter was devastating, there was a silver lining in it. It had brought us all closer together. We were stronger for it and ready to welcome him home to all the support he could possibly need.

The next morning, I had just finished making a quick breakfast when my cell phone started ringing. When I glanced over at the illuminated screen, I saw it was a Tucson, Arizona number. I had waited two months to see this number appear on the screen. My breath immediately caught in my throat as my eyes teared up. I briefly hesitated to answer as the nerves took hold. After a deep breath I hit the answer button and raised the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Talia?”

A/N: Y'all still with me? How are you feeling after that one? Progress? Maybe? As I have said before, digital art is not one of my strengths, but hopefully what I attempted to do gives you an idea of what I see in my head for Dieter's painting. Again, this one looks better in my head too. LOL! Wasn't that a sweet moment between Talia and Alex though? Also, that moment between Dieter and Alex hit me in the feels too. Then of course, the whole of the Dieter and Talia interactions in this chapter. Poor Gabby... now she knows everything. So many feels in this one! Aaaahhh!😭 Next chapter our dear Dieter and Talia will be reunited in a controlled setting to work through their issues together. It will probably be another rough one. We will get Dieter's official diagnosis and with that you will get a Deconstructing Dieter Bravo post. We will get some details on Talia's past which will also include a Today's Musings post for supplemental reading. So, you will get all sorts of goodies with the next chapter. 😉 In case you missed it, I have included the mood board for this chapter below. Last but not least, a huge thank you to my wonderful beta, @for-a-longlongtime. Seriously, it wouldn't be as good without her feedback. As always, please share your thoughts and theories. You know I'm a sucker for them. 💜

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @wannab-urs @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @avastrasposts @weho2kcmo @harriedandharassed @tkchaos @girlofchaos @yghuibt @musings-of-a-rose @annieispunk @pedrostories

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

[benkyoutobentou]

12 Books for 2024 (Japanese Edition)

You may have seen my post about the twelve books I read in 2023 (here), and I thought it would be fun to follow it up with a little tbr for 2024! Ideally, I'd like to read more than twelve books in 2024, but twelve is enough for now since I've got some series on this list that I'd like to either make some serious progress in or finish up completely. This list is in no particular order!

地球星人 - 村田沙耶香: I read コンビニ人間 by Murata a few years back and loved it, and this one has been high up on my tbr for a long time now. With how many people say they're completely traumatized by it, it sounds like the perfect book for me. The only reason I haven't read this yet is because I've hyped it up so much for myself.

生命式 - 村田沙耶香: A short story collection by Murata? Sign me up ten times over. This one sounds weird and gruesome and right up my alley.

本を守ろうとする猫の話 - 夏川草介: Another cat book, who can blame me? This was also touted as being perfect for book lovers, and I haven't heard a bad review yet.

吾輩は猫である - 夏目漱石: Keeping with the cat theme, this one I actually have planned in tandem with a challenge I have to read twelve big ass classics throughout the year. Between the sheer size of this and the fact that the text is so densely packed in, this book kinda scares me. I'm planning to read it in December of next year so that I have as much time as possible to prepare haha.

世界から猫が消えたなら - 川村元気: Last cat book, I promise, but I had to keep them all together (it's actually not about cats, though). I've had this one for a long time and just picked it up on a whim. I've heard a bit of mixed reviews, but the premise sounds interesting enough, and it seems to be pretty popular.

博士の愛した数式 - 小川洋子: This was one of the first books I bought in Japanese, so it's high time that I get it off my tbr. I've seen so many people love this, in and out of the language learning community. This author also has a bunch of other popular works, so I'd really like to jump into her books and experience the hype for myself.

告白 ‐ 湊かなえ: I've seen a bit of buzz about this book in the language learning community, but what really convinced me on it was seeing people outside of language learners also enjoying it. It sounds dark and mildly depressing, and I'm hoping that it'll have some interesting commentary as well.

独り舞 - 李琴峰: Somehow, I haven't read any queer literary fiction in Japanese yet, despite it being my favorite genre, so I'm so excited to jump into this one. For the life of me I can't remember where I heard about this, but I think it'll be one of my first reads in 2024.

デゥラララ！！- 成田良悟: I used to be obsessed with the anime adaptation in middle school but never revisited the series out of fear that it wouldn't stand the test of time. After seeing a fellow language learner gush about the series, I decided to give it a shot, managed to find it at a local used bookstore, and snatched up the first volume. Don't let me down, nostalgia!

憎らしい彼 - 凪良ゆう: This is the second book in the 美しい彼 series, and even though I'd like to read the third one next year as well, I'm just combining them. Seeing this series next to series like No. 6 and キノの旅 I'm really grateful to have a trilogy on my tbr haha.

No. 6 - あさのあつこ: Saying that I would like to finish this series next year is a bit of a stretch, seeing as I have eight of ten volumes left, but I'd like to put a serious dent in it to be sure.

キノの旅 - 時雨沢恵一: This series is more of a read as I please type series for me, since there's not really any overarching plot. I'm also not racing to make progress, since there are over twenty volumes (and still going). I'm savoring this series and I'm okay with that.

[sleeplessdreamer14]

hello! I hope you have a wonderful day! And I'm fascinated by your headcanons, I've seen how the monkey king 2023 got very worried about cane when he found out that Lin "betrayed" him (I really don't see that she was forced to do so by the dragon king) and I wondered how react or act if the monkey king does not see his partner or worse that was kidnapped

Time for some cathartic ass kicking

The moment he realizes you’ve been kidnapped, Monkey is wasting no time to get you back

He’s in a lot of distress the whole time, worried sick that something bad might happen to you

Amongst the rage and panic, he feels guilty that he failed to keep you safe

Whoever kidnapped you either didn’t realize who you were with, or was using you as bait

Either way, big mistake

Whatever reason, if Monkey has to bash his was through heaven and hell to get you, he will

If he gets there and you’re relatively unharmed, he’s relieved

But if you’re wounded at all, he’s furious at whatever monster or demon laid it’s filthy hands on you

After the whole ordeal is over, listening to your heartbeat will help him come down from the adrenaline high

Whether you’re still shaken from the experience or not, he’s keeping you close for a while

he’s totally not crying what are you talking about?

Monkey will probably start looking for ways to make you at least semi-immortal

He doesn’t want to think about what could have happened had he not showed up in time

[a-aexotic]

✫𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒖𝒆, i can see you.

✫ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 cursing, mention of partying, lecturting, sarcasm ✫ 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 hey guys! i hope you enjoyed the prologue. please show your love by liking and/or reblonging, they are very much appreciated. i am so beyond excited for this series and hopefully i meet my deadline lol. everything will be complete as of october 1st, 2023! ✫ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 (send an ask or comment to be added!) main masterlist. gilmore girls masterlist. playlist.

Manhattan was the type of city where you either love it, or hate. There is no in-between and depending on if you love or hate it, describes who you are as a person.

Y/N Cromwell loved Manhattan. She was as classy and sophisticated as they come, she doesn't own anything that wasn't designer or specially made for her. I mean, if you lived like that, you would sure as hell love it as well.

Y/N lived her life to the fullest, taking YOLO a little too seriously. Her mother, Nancy Cromwell, is a world-renowned fashion designer and she is never home. And when she is home, she is usually tucked in her office, away from the world and her daughter. But, she learned to adapt without her mother and she was slightly okay with her not being around as much as she used to.

Filling her closet with expensive purses and even more expensive perfumes, she lived like royalty. Her mother never set financial boundaries for her, so she spent as much as she wanted. She usually got away with everything. Key-word being, usually.

Y/N sat at the edge of her huge bed, tuning out the lecture she was getting from her mother. She tried to listen and nod but it wasn't an easy task to do for more than 5 minutes.

"—an irresponsible girl! I am tired of it, Y/N. Always going out with those girls, not playing attention in class or-"

That was where she stopped and corrected her. "I do play attention mom, how else would I have a 4.0?"

Her mom stopped her lecture and sighed, rubbing her temple frustratedly. "Is that the only thing you got from my whole talk?"

She sat up with a bright grin. "Well I'm not gonna let you sit here and lecture me about something that I hadn't done. I do pay attention."

"This isn't about school-"

"Then don't bring it up." Y/N said simply, smiling at her mother's vexed expression.

"Listen, Y/N, one more mess-up and you're done I'll send you to live with your father in Connecticut."

Y/N had no reaction whatsoever to the meaningless threat. Her mother always throwing that threat left and right, there was no way she'd actually go through with it.

Y/N feigned understanding and her mother sighed with a nod. "Got it, young lady?"

"Got it, ma'am." She mocked slightly before her mom finally gave up, walking out of her room. That was when Y/N finally let out an agitated groan, before taking out her flip-phone and clicked her friend's contact.

It rang before it finally picked up. "Hey, honey!"

"Are we going to Daniel's party or what?"

"I thought you were grounded, Y/N/N."

Y/N rolled her eyes. "That's not stopping me, Lindsay. We going or what?"

The black Prada glasses and sour expression sitting on Y/N's expression was very telling. She was either hungover or high right now—but unfortunately for her, she was neither at the moment. She was sitting in Hartford Airport waiting for her father's, now late, arrival.

Her mother's words kept replaying in her head. "One mistake in Connecticut and I'm sending you the Netherlands. And no, not the cities—the countryside." That alone sent shivers down her spine, having to live without electricity and texting. How can anything be worse than that?

Y/N had to get her act up. If she didn't, she would have to live among cows and pigs. She decided she was going to try her best to sell the 'good girl' act to everyone, whether they believed it or not.

She finally sees a familar face walking up to her. She let out one last annoyed groan silently before getting up and putting on her best smile. "Daddy!"

Her father immediately grinned, opening up his arms to give his finest bear hugs. "Sweetheart, how've you been?" He immediately paused. "That's, uh not a good question. Nevermind. How are you dealing with everything?"

He knew how dramatic his daughter could be. She loved New York and getting sent away would surely spark some anger in her and he did not want to be on the receiving end of it.

Y/N slid up her sunglasses to face her father. "I'm doing well. I think this is good." God, this sounded unnatural and wrong. She wasn't happy and she sure has hell doesn't think this will be any good for her. "To be away from the City will some good for me, being around my old... friends will surely make me feel better."

Her father looked surprised at her somewhat mature response. "Wow, well I'm glad that's how you're viewing this experience. Good for you, Y/N. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, dad. I really am trying, I'm glad you see that." Another lie. She almost felt bad for deceiving her father.

Well, that was until she got home. As they pulled in the house—it was exactly how they left it. Her father usually spends the summers with her in Manhattan so she hasn't seen this house in almost two years. It brought back so many memories. But she couldn't sit on the nostalgia because it quickly flooded away as she was struck with confusion. There was a slightly familiar woman standing outside the home, waiting for their arrival.

"Who's that?" Y/N sat up a little straighter in the passenger seat, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Well, uh honey I've been waiting for a right time to tell you this..." Her father swiftly put the car parked in driveway, turning face to face with Y/N. "I'm—well, we... we're engaged."

"Who’s we?" I asked I look outside the window to the mysterious woman standing on the porch.

Her father paused as his expression changed from excited to slightly agitated. "Your mom hadn't mentioned me dating Kristian?"

"You hadn't mentioned it either." You swallowed nervously. Her father was dating (and now engaged) to someone she'd never heard about from neither of them. She felt a little dread because she suddenly felt out of the loop.

Her father sighed. "Let's talk inside, honey."

Her father got her luggage and the lady greeted her politely and she did the same. At this point the only facts she knew was A. her name was Kristan, B. she looks a little familiar, and C. she's blonde.

As her father put her stuff back up in her old bedroom, they both sat in the living room awkwardly waiting for her father's arrival. He finally walked down the stairs and sat next to Kristan, putting an arm over her shoulder. Wow, he's really serious about her.

"So..." Y/N started the conversation. "You're engaged."

He cleared his throat. "Me and Kristan have been engaged about two months now and we've been dating a year and a half." And he somehow failed to mention anyone when he called or visited.

Y/N kept her slight disappointment to a minimum as she nodded politely. He seemed genuine about her and she knew she'd be an even more terrible daughter if she started a fit. He was happy and that's all that matters... at least that was what she was trying to convince herself.

Y/N got up from the couch and cleared her throat, putting on her pageant queen smile. "I'm, uh Y/N Cromwell."

Kristan laughed softly before doing the same while extending a hand. "I know that, sweetie. I'm Kristan Dugray, pleased to meet you."

Dugray... Dugray... Where had she heard that name before? Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she thought until her question was finally answered.

The front door opened suddenly and she whipped her head to make eye contact with... Tristan Dugray? Oh, so that's where she's heard that name!

Y/N couldn't control as her mouth flew open. She also couldn't control the words that came out of her mouth as she saw him. "Oh, you've gotta be shitting me."