#duke energy is like. such a fucking bad company but they are also

[vamptastic]

only like 2 months left until i graduate i am going to die

[brucewaynehater101]

What music genres do you think the batfam members listen to?I ask this because of how little Alternative music fan headcannons there are. I personally think Tim enjoys grunge and or nu metal(Specifically bands like limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Korn, and System of a Down)

I'm not too familiar with genres, so I'll be giving this my best shot. I typically listen to music by the vibe it gives. My playlists include music that makes my brain go brr (the nice dissociation), songs for muses, ones to scandalize my mother, music a garage band would play, songs that make God fear me, and a long playlist for pleasant company.

Anyways, I've seen a few fics where people say that Bruce and Tim share a love of those genres. I could definitely see Tim listening to the ones you mentioned. He probably plays it through his preferred headphones as he fixes electronics, codes, or plots destruction. He also, because he suppresses his anger a lot, probably listens to music like Ghostemane, Kim Dracula, and Freddie Dredd.

Jason definitely enjoys musicals. Dick as well, but Jason isn't as vocal about it. Instead, Jason will listen to 80's rock and 2000's girl bands if others around (he ofc listens to TLC).

I like to think that they all enjoy music in different languages. For Dick and Damian, they especially like music they grew up listening to in their respective cultures. The others, because the batfam is multilingual, just enjoy all kinds of different tunes in multiple languages. The batfam playlist, especially for hanging out in the cave, is chaotic. Bruce nearly had an aneurysm the first time he heard Touch You (Yarichin Bitch Club) over the speakers. The only reason the kids didn't get in trouble was because Damian was out with Colin at the time.

I hc that Cass likes lofi hip hop music. She typically enjoys all songs but prefers those without words (because understanding words still requires energy from her and can prevent her from fully relaxing). She does listen to a lot of classical music, a passion she shares with Alfred.

Alfred, the man the myth the legend, enjoys swing music the most. He'll put on a variety of music in the kitchen (different classical eras, opera music, the occasional musical, jazz, some more modern instrumental music, and some movie background tracks), but the whole fam knowns he's in a really good mood if swing music is playing.

Bruce is the type of person to just listen to what's on. Unless he dislikes the music, he will be fine with whatever his kids or Alfred have playing. He particularly enjoys alternative rock and old country music (like Garth Brooks), but he doesn't usually fight for the aux cord.

Barbara has playlists depending on her mood. Birds of Prey mission prep? Bruce being a dick? Dick being a dick? Batfam drama she has to once again intervene in? Coding nights? Can't get out of bed days? She also has a few playlists for each person she regularly interacts with. For calm or bad nights, she'll put the playlist in that person's comm. She also likes to hack speakers around Bruce and play her revenge music when he's being a petty asshole. Some of her revenge music includes "They're Coming to Take Me Away" by Sloppy Jane, "OoOo1" by galen tipton, "All I see is Poop" by Hobo Johnson, "I Swallowed Shampoo" by Soupy Garage Juice, "I am now going to bark at you" by thquib, and "I hope You Die in a Fire" by Grand Commander.

Duke is most definitely a Mitski, Hozier, Crane Wives enjoyer, and you can pry that hc from my cold, dead hands. He probably also likes songs similar to "Ancapistan" by Jreg or "The Fine Print" by The Stupendium.

Dick's music is either super high in energy or sad as fuck. He loves the songs "Has Anbody Seen My Will to Live" by The Tin Knees and "Copacabana (At the Copa)" by Barry Manilow because they are both sad and happy :) I hc that he likes songs by TV Girl, Yot Club, Joji, and Cosmo Sheldrake. He also has a few playlists he follows of Zumba music. The song "The Masochism Tango" by Tom Lehrer is one of his favorites.

This is already a pretty long post, so feel free to reblog with more ideas! I didn't get to Steph or more in depth with Damian :(

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Tour without You

Summary: fans saw the video of cal singing ghost of you and people think you two broke up.

a/n: SO YALL KNOW WHICH VIDEO I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? Idk if he was actually crying, but a part of me tells me he was, but idk who knows, but i hope he was okay and is doing okay now.

You were currently home watching duke at yours and cal’s place. You couldn't go on tour with cal because of work, so being alone was a norm you had grown into. Whenever you didn't go on tour you and cal would spend time calling one another whenever a show was over, so he could see you and if you needed to comfort him for anything. He hated when he had to leave you alone, but you would reassure him you had someone that was a part of him. Duke would usually stay with the dog sitter, but when you stayed back home you watched duke. You two would have some quality time together as usual so the small pup can use his energy throughout the day.

For Cal though today, just wasn't his day. Their bus tour had taken a re-route, they got to the venue late, he couldn't focus during rehearsal since it was cut short, from them arriving late. Usually when stress came he was able to handle it well, but you usually were there to comfort him right there and then, which also added to his stress as well, not being able to be with you in moments like these. Fans in the audience and online had seen his expression and worried for him, especially when singing Ghost of you. He hated that his stress would reflect how he acts during shows, but today was really bad for him. Cal doesn't really notice when fans are recording, but a video had gone viral during the concert within minutes and fans skepulating about you and cal. You had no idea of this hence you not being near your phone all day and having a nice day out with duke. Your phone had been blasting all night and once you got home with duke you checked it once seeing all the notifications on all of your socials.You were slightly confused as to why there were so many so you checked it out.

@5SOSUPDATES: is it possible cal and y/n broke up? Could be because they haven been posting with one another. Also today’s performance he seemed sad, especially during Ghost of you.

“What the hell?” you said as the puppy barked at you as you continued to look for something that gave you some sort of idea that was going on. Then MTV also made a topic off of it.

SPECULATING BREAK UP RUMOURS: POPSTAR CALUM HOOD AND GIRLFRIEND Y/N L/N POSSIBLY BROKE UP BEFORE A SHOW DURING TOUR

You were quick to find the resources they were using to claim these speculations and there was a video of cal singing ghost of you, at first it was all good, he was singing good, you saw no sad emotions, but when it got to him harmonizing, with the ghost of you, that's when his expression changed. At first you thought that it was just the way he was singing. But you looked over and yeah you were convinced he was crying.

You tried to first go over anything you might have said to make him upset, but there was nothing, you texted when you could and he seemed fine the night before, so you didn't know what was wrong. Unless he lied to you, which he would do when he was away from you. He didn't want to bother you, but you always told him to talk to you when he was feeling down and not himself. You were always going to be there to talk to him always. Just then you got a call from mali, you were quick to answer as she probably has seen these as well.

“Mali, hey.” you said as she spoke, “hey super weried, but have you been on your socials and possibly MTV?” she asked as you sighed, “yes i have.” you said as she contuned, “okay, is it ture?? Did you two break up? Omg did cal do something because i swear-” she said as you giggled and cut her off, “no we didn't, well at least i think so, but uh, no i called him before this show and he seemed fine, but you know how he is, he doesn't tell the full truth until you get it out of him.” you said as she hummed, “thats true, well are you talking to him tonight?” she asked as you hummed back, “yeah i should be getting a call in about an hour, i dont think he has checked his phone yet, so i'll call you first thing alright?” you said as she hummed and you two said your goodbyes. As your phone was still blowing up, more and more rumours were being made, but you didn't expect to be getting attacked.

5SOSWILDFLOWER: Yall, there are some photos of y/n with another guy before cal had gone to tour, guess cal has a reason.

|

Caly/n_stan: i don't think she would cheat though, they've been together for years.

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Lukehemmingsstan: i mean yeah but people change especially when dating a celeb, and it wouldn't be the first time a 5sos member would be cheated on.

|

@mikeycliff5sos: i mean you can tell she was just in it for the money and the fame, she never spoke about her job.

You were at first confused as to what pictures you were talking about, but then you clearly remember you were with the dog sitter, who happens to be a guy. He was one of Cal's best friends and he always took care of duke when you were away. You were there before cal had gone to tour, to tell him personally that you were staying with duke, since you knew him and it would be nice to catch up on duke’s behavior. Of course the fans didn't know that, but that didn't mean they should attack you. You were kinda stressed about this situation, especially with the things being said, fans even started to question your real intentions with cal and wondered if you were just after cal for his money and fame questioning your line of work as well, which wasnt public because you line of work was importnatn, you were a visual editor at entertainment company and well you kept it private and you didn't want any problems.

On cal’s side of things, he hadnt checked his phone at all wanting to handle one side of stress at a time. After teh show he realxed before calling you, making sure he looked good and fine. But once he lifted his phone he had seen so many notifications, at first he thought it was about the show from tonight but when he clicked he saw everything that was being said about you and him that you two had broken up and the means things being said about you. He was quick to call you as you answered quickly hoping he was okay.

“Hey” you both said quite rapidly, “sorry you go first.” cal said as you sighed and spoke, “are you okay? But i want to know the full truth cal, you know you can talk to me.” you said as he rubebd his head and wished he had spoken to you before anything, he knew if he talked to you hten these rumours wouldnt be made. “Fuck love, im sorry, we had to reroute the show for tonight we got there late, and rehearsal was rushed and, today i didn't do my best to hide my stressed emotions, i tried, but i couldnt, all i wnated to do was talk to you before the show, but i wasnt able to,” he said as his voice was cracking and you felt bad for him, you knew he handled stress well, but you knew today was one of those days, “bub its okay, just talk to me about this kind of stress to help you when you can, no matter what time it may be. I know im not htere, but remeber im a phone call away, always. No matter waht okay, you call me when youre feeling like this.” you said as he smiled a little missing you so much more than he should be able to.

“Youre too good for me you know that? Im sorry for waht the fans are saying, i'll straighten it out babe, they shouldnt be saying this stuff about you,” he said as you giggled, “its fine, it hurt at first, but i mean this all happend beucase i was out with dukes dogsitter,” you said as he laughed a little, “gosh the fans are really out of hand, i love you so much, youre there for me more than many times i could even count, you know youre it for me,” he said as you blushed hearing his words, he would tell you this all the time. It was true, you were it for him and he was it for you. “And youre it for me too, and i'll happily be there for you, always you know that.” you said as he smiled and jsut couldnt wait to get home to you. After talking for about 2 hours, you said your goodbyes and you had gone with the rest of your day as cal had straighten out with the fans about his citation.

He posted a picture on his story of you and captioned it:

To clear out the rumours from today, me and y/n are happily together. y/n has not and has never cheated on me, for those who know she is everything to me and i will do anything to not lose her. There is no anger towards this situation jsut please, be careful with what you say on the interent, even if y/n and i dont post about us everyday its not htat wer are not together, we like to live in the present with one another since i go away for tour. Usually shes here with me, but sadly she isnt. So again please just be aware with what you are posting, we are human and things that were said towards her will hurt anyone.

[flying-nightwing]

Decorum (3/3)

Attaboy gang, thanks for the support! Here’s the final part of Decorum. I can’t believe I cooked my boy Dick for +10 000 words, I kinda feel bad now lmao (I did add a bit of saving grace for him here, I’m not a monster) Anyway, you were served appetizer, main course and finally dessert with a generous syrup of Jason.

Part 2

Pairing: Jason Todd x reader, Dick Grayson x reader (ish)

Word count: 3994

Warnings: swear words, non graphic sexual content but strong implications

Summary: after making sure Dick gets the message, you finally get closure.

Dick couldn’t believe he was in the right place. He had checked many times to make sure he was in the right neighborhood, but his coordinate were clearly indicating he was. He looked around the dusty, unkempt buildings in the deserted street and thought to himself that you would--you could never stay around here. Sure, you had left with only a small part of your own fortune and left the rest to the benefit of Wayne Industries (the reason he was still legally married to you), but it was enough to guarantee you a better life than… This. Especially with your upbringing, he didn’t think you’d know how to live that way. Even for him… Hadn’t he had his training, he would easily have been uneasy walking those streets.

It had taken everything for him to make Bruce reveal him your location. Obviously he could have done it himself, but he didn’t think you’d take it very well if he did. But after a year and a half without any news from you but bruce’s assurance you were still alive and well, his patience had ran out. So despite warnings from the family and his own better judgement, he went after you. It was eating him inside, and he had to see you. So he tracked you down to a small town in Argentina, where you now had an address and ID. 

It was the sound of a slow, bassy beat that caught his attention first. He followed it through a small alley and finally ended up on a backyard party, where the music was loud and the people happily chatting. All of them appeared to have some carnival masks, and a drink in their hands. It was some kind of celebration, he deducted. His eyes were then drawn to the people dancing around the bonfire, their face barely illuminated by the warm glow of the fire. They were dancing in pairs to the slow reggaeton blasting from the stereo, and he could have sworn…

No way.

He dropped his bag and took a few steps forward to make sure he had seen well, only to confirm he did. After all, his eyes were well adjusted in the dark. There you were, dancing with some guy he did not recognize. It was you, he was sure of it even behind that mask. You were laughing at something he said, and you didn’t push him back when he kissed you. His eyebrows drew together at this out of character behavior, but his head truly began to spin at your next actions. You broke away from him just enough to beckon someone hidden from him on the chairs around the fire. He couldn’t see the person, but the voice that followed, louder than the party somehow, he knew too well. Way too well.

“No puedo decirte no, baby” 

Soon enough, a maskless Jason with his shirt wide open joined you. He poured some tequila in your mouth, before kissing you. Sloppily, passionately. It made Dick see red. Not only he knew where you were all this time, pretending he didn’t, but he was shamelessly making out with you, and god knows what more. Dancing with you so close, without a care in the world, his mouth on your neck… 

“What the fuck”

He said it loud enough to grab yours and Jason’s attention, as well as a few of the party goers that weren’t too drunk yet. Jason gestured for them that there was no problem and took a few steps forward, pulling you with him by the hand.

“Dick! Attaboy!” He greeted, opening his arms. You giggled at his antics as you stabilized the bottle in his hands so it wouldn’t spill. “What in el inferno are you doing here? Want some tequila?”

He looked in between you two, his eyes squinted in confusion at the mess in front of his eyes. Jason, well, he was Jason, nothing was surprising there. But you? You were wearing a crop top and some cut off daisy dukes, your hair was a mess and your feet dirty from dancing barefoot in the soil. You would have never been caught dead looking that way. 

“No I don’t” He refused the offer with a scoff before setting his eyes on you again. “I came to check on you”

“Me?” You raised an eyebrow. “I’m living my best life, Richard”

Jason made a funny face at your use of his full name, while dick only rolled his eyes.

“Here, with him?” He pressed. “You don’t even speak spanish”

“Well, ahora si malparido” You replied without missing a beat, and Jason almost spit out the cigarette he was trying to light with one hand. “And yes. He’s much better company than you”

“You must be fucking kidding me” He sighed to himself. “Why?”

“To make you feel like shit”

“To fuck my brother’s wife, man”

“Also, his ass”

“Hard same”

You were sure you could see the smoke coming out of his brain at this point.

“Before you judge me… Actually, you have no right to. Case closed” You gave him a tight smile. You knocked back the remaining of your beer before turning on your heels and heading back to the party. But before you could go far, he called your name again.

“We need to talk. Both of you” He said, but it went straight over both of your heads. “Sober”

“Sure sure” You brushed off, pulling Jason back with you. “See you tomorrow. You can crash on the couch inside or whatever”

“Or you’re welcome to join the fiesta, hermano!” Jason called to Dick. “But not with that attitude! And get yourself a drink!”

You laughed as your good mood returned in the heart of the party with Jason. Dick was forgotten the second he disappeared from your sight, and it was better that way. Just thinking about him left a bitter taste in your mouth, so you pulled Jason by the collar and kissed him hard. He welcomed the contact, only bringing you impossibly closer against him. He tasted like tobacco and tequila, and it was intoxicating in the most delectable way. His hand on your skin, burning a fire you had never touched before. 

He was everything Dick wasn’t, and it was amazing.

Life was so much simpler ever since you had left Gotham. You did your thing, with no pretenses or decorum to uphold. Jason would drop occasionally, sometimes for a few days, other for a few weeks, to show you the best of times every time without a fault. You had no ties, no engagement, no bullshit; only fun. And it made it all the more exciting. He had so far not disappointed on his word that he was, in fact, a piece of heaven. 

“Look who joined the party” Jason nodded to someone behind you, and a quick look revealed Dick looking very uncomfortable, but nevertheless with a drink in his hand. He tried not to make it obvious, but he was watching you and Jason. Your thoughts were only confirmed when you crossed glances for a second too long. “What do you say we put up a show for Boy Wonder over there?”

You grinned at his words, knowing what he meant. You now danced to make Dick jealous, which meant dancing sensually, provocatively, obscenely with Jason like you probably never did before. His hands were going wild as you practically grinded against each other. It was working, because soon enough you caught a glimpse of Dick retreating back to the house. Your eyes returned to Jason’s hooded ones, and you bit your lip. You lowered the mask pulled up on his forehead and kissed him again, drunk in lust for him. 

“Let’s go back to the bedroom, handsome” You muttered in his ear and a smile graced his face.

“Don’t have to tell me twice, darling”

As you pulled him back to the house, you couldn’t help but think the master bedroom was right over the living room.

------

The next morning followed your usual routine when Jason was around, regardless of your unannounced guest. You woke up early and burned the rest of the alcohol from the party through a run. A few miles before the heat became unbearable, then training in a private part of your garden. There were trees and fountains, which made it cooler than the rest of the propriety as the sun climbed higher in the sky. You were sweating alcohol and fire smoke as you were facing Jason on the fighting mat, but nevertheless, your energy and determination to put him on his ass was still very alive. 

He was circling you, much less on guards than you were. He was waiting for you to make the first move, but you had to find the right one. You knew that almost whatever you did, he would stop it without much of an effort. So you had to take him by surprise, which was easier said than done. 

“Come on darling, don’t tell me you’re sore from yesterday” He teased before lightly tapping his chest. “C’mon, hit me”

“Cocky bastard” You jumped right in and threw a few punches as a distraction that he dodged easily, before going for the leg sweep. But alas, his training was once again far superior than yours. You don’t know how it happened, but a few moves from him had you trapped under him. 

“I’m starting to believe you like me manhandling your sweet ass” He grinned as he started to stand up from his position. You took the opportunity to grab his neck in a chokehold with your legs, and bring him down with his own momentum. At least, that worked, because in a flash he was on the ground, trapped in between your thighs.

“You were saying?” You huffed.

“Oh, I definitely like ending up here, babe” He drawled out suggestively, and you rolled your eyes. “But business first, pleasure later”

Your eyes widened as he easily rose from the ground… With you still around his neck. Before you could shriek, he threw himself forward and slammed you down on the ground, saving his own fall with a roll. For a moment, you could only lay flat on your back, trying to process what had just happened. Beside the wind being knocked out of your lungs on the initial contact, you weren’t hurt. Just… Shocked, with good reasons to be. 

Well, that was a new one you weren’t prepared for.

The sun was then blocked by Jason, who offered you his hand and a shit eating grin. You took the hand and pulled yourself up, dusting off your backside. He raised an eyebrow in challenge, and before he could predict your next move, you threw a round kick, one he barely dodged. Judging by the surprise on his face, he had not expected such quick recovery from you. You took advantage of your attack momentum to throw hits and jabs everywhere you could see open. Your only advantage was that he was unprepared and off balance, but god did it feel good to see him not so smug for once. You finally backed him up into a wall and snatched the blade he always kept in his waistband, pressing it against his neck.

“I don’t know if i should be impressed, or proud, or both” He huffed. “But I’m definitely turned on”

“You dog” You scoffed humorously, taking a step back and handing him back his blade. He took it and tucked it back in the waistband of his short, still grinning at you. “Are you surprised I got the best of you?”

“I’m hard to beat, babe, of course I’m surprised” He teased, earning him a push on the chest as you made your way back to the house. But you noticed your training session had gained a… Spectator. “Oh hey Dick. Came back for act two?”

You snorted at his reference to the night before, and you could have sworn Dick blushed when he momentarily looked away. 

“I didn’t know you knew how to fight” 

“Obviously” You rolled your eyes as you walked past him into the house, undoing your sparring gloves. “I'm never getting kidnapped for one of you again"

"That's… good" He nodded, glancing quickly at his brother who had now taken his shirt off. 

"I'm going to take a shower, I'll be back" You called as you made your way to the stairs. 

"Comin with ya" Jason jogged after you, but stopped when you turned around.

"Not today, Jay Bird" You tsked teasingly. "Now be a good host to our guest while I shower"

"It's not even my house" He protested weakly, before sighing and backtracking to the kitchen. He paused there, giving his brother an once over before making a bee line for the fridge. 

“What have you done with her?”

Jason slowly straightened up from his search for food, unsure of if he heard Dick correctly. He furrowed his eyebrows and turned to face him. “Come again?”

“I said, what have you done with her?” Dick repeated, putting emphasis on his words. It made Jason snort at the sheer irony. “She would never…”

“She would never what, Dick?” He sighed in annoyance. 

“You turned her into you and you know it”

This time, Jason didn’t hold back the laughter. He grabbed an apple, spun it in the air and caught it back before biting in it, trying to find out where the hell his brother had found the audacity. “I didn’t do shit, Dickie. It’s all her”

“I don’t believe it” He objected, but Jason wasn’t on the defensive like he had expected. Instead, he was the one to be.

“What did you expect?” He shrugged. “You broke everything that held her into the mold, and now she shines. I mean, I’ve always suspected she was a wild little vixen under all that pretense, but boy was I in for a nice surprise. You really missed on something there, I almost feel sorry for you”

“So you’re together now?” Anger was audible in his voice. He remembered way too well how they danced the night before, and how Jason had totally done this to prove he could. “Or you use her to fuck?”

“Aren’t you just the cutest” He smirked, throwing the apple core in the bin. “I’m just helping her enjoying life outside the stupid decorum she was born into, brother”

“And you’re taking nothing back out of this?” He challenged, as to try and find something against him. But so far, he had nothing concrete.

“Of course I’m taking something out of this” He scoffed derisively. “She’s hot, and she’s amazing at sex. That I taught her, since you clearly didn’t. Guilty as charged on all counts of bedroom fun positions… Fuck, you really did miss the jackpot”

“And you cheat on her, does she know that?”

“He doesn’t cheat on me” You walked in right after his question. “Not anymore than I cheat on him, because we chose our relation to be that way. Not that it concerns you”

“See? She’s shining” Jason taunted Dick as he brushed past him in the direction of the shower at his turn, leaving you alone with your… Legal husband. He looked uncomfortable, but you didn’t care. You weren’t nervous to face him.

“Uh, you look good”

Dick wanted to facepalm himself. That’s all he could say? Of course it was. Your skin was glowing like it never did before, you didn’t look tired or stressed, and most importantly, he wasn’t there to hurt you. You truly looked good, healthy and happy. And it made him miserable to think his absence from your life was one of the main reason for that, and the other, Jason. 

“I do” You replied without an ounce of shame, because you did. “So I guess we’re doing this long overdue conversation now”

He nodded slowly as you gestured for him to take a seat to the table. You joined him and sat on the other hand, crossing your fingers in front of you. It was better now than later, and you could close this horrible chapter of your life once and for all.

“It’s weird. I barely recognize you” He began.

“You would have had to know me in the first place for that” It wasn’t harsh, the way you said it. But you had to make it clear where you stood, and lying would have been counterproductive. “You never spoke more than ten words to me, except when we’d fight. How could you possibly have any idea about what I was like before?”

“Right. I deserve that, I guess” He mumbled to himself. “I just… I just would have never pictured you fighting, I remember you didn’t like it”

“Because it wasn’t the proper thing to do” You admitted. “I felt like I didn’t belong in that training room, like I didn’t belong in your world, you see”

“Are you doing that to make me feel like shit too?”

It sounded… Defeated. He was talking about you and Jason, with the underlying question of why him. You knew it must have felt weird, to see you together. But while he was ignoring you, Jason had been the only one who didn’t pretend like everything was fine. Well, he did to some extent because he had to, but he would always be there if you asked for him. When he accepted your invitation to come and see you in Argentina, he helped you change your world around, to discover who you were on your own terms. It had been the first time you could choose, you could dare to be bold, you could dare to make mistake and stupid things without fearing what blow it would deal to your reputation. He gave you a taste of freedom, and you never wanted to let it go. It wasn’t like you were a couple either; you had just found a best friend that could understand, and that could give you a little extra more…

“I’ll admit it’s a side effect that does not displease me, but no” You answered. “I’m doing this for me, because this is who I am”

“Is that what you think? Or what he told you?” He asked expectantly. 

“You have to stop with that. You have to understand the only times I was ever myself were when you weren't around” You sighed, dropping a truth you had wanted to reveal him for a while now. “You never made the effort to know me. Jason, despite his flaws, did. So once again, whatever judgement you think you’re entitled to, you’re not”

Silence followed your words. He was thinking about them, processing them, while you were just relieved you could finally get it out in the open. Sure, you had talked about it with Jason, but Dick needed to hear it from you.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...” He held his head down, finally speaking. Whatever hope he had with this talk just disappeared in smoke, seeing as he had nothing to give you. “I just… I just can’t bear to know that I’m the reason you had to turn to him, you know? I hate to see him giving you everything that I wouldn’t because of my own damn stupidity, while I could have been the one to… Be there.”

He finished in a whisper, and you didn’t reply straight away. You knew he had been sincere in his feelings back at the hospital, and it hadn’t changed. Somehow you knew he was truly trying to change, that he was trying hard to make up for his past actions. If only he had showed that behaviour a little sooner, you had no trouble believing he would indeed be the one beside you right now. But history made its course, and he wasn’t.

“Well, we gotta own our mistakes, don’t we?” You hummed. “... Now I’m just asking of you that you respect my choices as my own, you owe me that much”

He hummed in agreement before reluctantly standing up. He glanced at the door, then back at you. “I should go now. Just let me know when you’re back to Gotham, okay?”

“Dick” You called before he could go any further. He spun back to face you, but your expression probably cued him it wasn’t because you had a change of heart. “I’m not coming back to Gotham. Ever”

“What?”

“I should have told you this at the hospital the night before I left” You confessed. Your choice had been made a long time ago, you had just hoped he would have given up before you had to do this. You stood up and went to the small desk beside the window, fetching a white, unmarked envelope. You went back to him and handed him it. “I never had the intention of coming back. Here’s… Everything you need to move on as well. Only thing left to do is for you to sign, the rest had been taken care of”

Wordlessly, he pulled out the folded documents, staring at them frozen in place.

“The second document stipulates you and Wayne Enterprises get to legally keep my share of the family money” You explained. “Please sign it too”

“You’re divorcing” It was all he could say, and you nodded. 

“We both need this” 

“But--”

“Listen, I see that you are trying to make amends, and it’s why I decide to forgive you for whatever you’ve done. It’s in the past now” You gently cut him off. “I understand you are trying to be better, and I know you will be for whomever life puts on your path next. But I’m not a part of this journey for you, not anymore. So you have to let it go”

For the first time since you met Dick Grayson, you could look truly him in the eyes, and him in yours as well. It felt strange, to have talked with him when you never used to. You believed you had learned more about him today than in two years of marriage, but somehow it felt like the closure you and him needed. You didn’t need to know why he had been a jerk to you, it wasn’t important anymore. You had seen what you had wanted, a glimpse of who he truly was, and that was satisfying on its own. You just hoped he’d remember his lesson, and would be careful for the times that had yet to come. As you watched him leave your doorstep, one thing was clear, you were at peace with what happened with him. Who knew, perhaps in a few years from now your paths would cross again. You’d say hello, he’d say hi back. Maybe you’d go take a coffee and talk about your lives, and possibly share a laugh over silly details you had overlooked from your shared history.

But for now, you’d rather forget Dick and enjoy what you had. You closed your eyes as arms wrapped around you from behind, and Jason’s shower gel took over your sense of smell. It made you realize how content you were with the life you had, and how glad you were to have left the life that had been designed for you.

“How did it go?”

“Don’t pretend you weren’t listening” You smiled, resting your head against his chest. You felt the vibration of his silent chuckle as he swayed you lightly. “But it went well. We cleared things up. And i gave him the papers, I shouldn’t stay miss Grayson for long now”

“Aw man, there goes my “affair with my brother’s wife” fantasy” He joked, and you half heartedly slapped his chest. “Ow”

Some things never change.

“I’m just glad it’s over” You sighed, turning around in his arms to face him. “Thank you”

“For what darling?” 

“Everything, Jason. Thanks for everything”

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Complexities Unknowable- Chapter 4

Ao3, chapters  1   2   3   5,  MasterPost

Relationships: Deintruality, background Analogince

The plot of this was lowkey destroyed because apparently Patton and Janus are already somft, but that’s fine. I will continue to call Janus ‘Deceit’ throughout this entire fic to maintain consistency, just so you know. Also, this one’s a long boy, so strap in.

Warnings: Descriptions of gore/body horror (Remus stuff, nothing super bad), swearing, all sympathetic sides, lack of sleep, light arguing, food mention.

Word Count: 2,536

“Did he come back this morning? What did he say?”

“He didn’t do anything bad. Well, nothing super bad. I’m kinda getting used to it.”

“That’s worse!” Virgil was perched on the arm of the couch, staring up at Patton with troubled eyes. Beside him Roman and Logan sat together, the latter looking much less invested in the argument (though he was letting Virgil fidget with his fingers so as to avoid picking apart the threads of his hoodie). 

“It’s not so bad. I think he’s just looking for someone to talk to!” Well, it was like that by now. Patton knew that that wasn’t how it started. It had been about two and a half weeks since Remus had first started popping up to meet Patton before breakfast, and he’d grown quite accustomed to it. Deceit often showed up at night, but his schedule was more sporadic. They did their best to upset him, but the emotional side refused to be mean, no matter what they did! 

But then he’d found that, as their interactions continued, they got much less distressing. They were something else entirely. Odd enough that Patton couldn’t keep himself from telling his family any longer.

“Just ignore him; he’ll get bored.” Roman said tiredly.

“True; if you want them to stop bothering you, it’s best to just not give the two any attention,” Logan added, prompting Roman to give a proud little smile and hum. 

Patton shifted, taking a moment to respond. He wasn’t sure he wanted them to stop bothering him.

Remus grinned at Morality for the second day in a row as he walked into the kitchen. Today, his hand was pressed firmly against the hot stove, skin bubbling in plain view. 

“Oh! You’re back!” Patton forced a smile as he watched Remus nod and remove his red, blistering hand from the burner and heal himself instantly. 

“Yup! Happy to see me?”

Patton  inhaled deeply, pressing his hands against his face. Though his eyes were covered, he could hear Remus giggling to himself.

“Can I- Can I help you with something?” 

The Dark Side seemed to mull the question over for a moment, and then placed his hand back down on the active burner and shrugged. After getting bored with the stove trick, he sat up and grabbed a knife from the block and stabbed it down between each of his fingers repetitively. Patton stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do. In his own kitchen.

You know what? If Remus wanted to hang around while he made breakfast, then the more the merrier! Morality decided he could ignore the occasional tearing sound of a knife on flesh, putting on the coffee pot for when Logan and Virgil eventually woke up. 

He continued on for a while, making pancakes in relative silence. Until his company got bored. 

“Why do you do this every morning?”

“Make breakfast?” 

Remus nodded.

“I do it because it’s nice to do something nice for the other sides.”

“Yeah, but why?”

“They’re my family,” Patton answered with a smile. The Duke seemed to toss the answer around in his head for a minute.

“I mean, I can see how they’re each other’s family, cuz they’re fucking- what makes them your family, then?”

They’re sides like me, he could’ve said, but caught himself. We care about each other, was another answer that probably wouldn’t be great. So he didn’t say anything, faking distraction.

“If you were me,” Remus continued, voice dipping, “You’d know that family means a whole lot of nothing.”

The statement had that odd quality of recitation. He was quoting someone. The usual energy with which The Duke spoke was diminished, but before Patton could ask anything about it, footsteps rushed down the stairs and Remus was gone in a blink. 

Part of him was happy that they’d grown on him- because it proved that he wasn’t nasty or mean- but a much larger part was very, very guilty. He was so sure that they were that they were the mean ones, but now he couldn’t tell. He’d been wrong before.

Patton loved his ‘family’, he really did, but not the way they did each other. Truth be told, he’d also been looking for someone to talk to. 

“You’re back,” Patton acknowledged, his eyes barely open. Deceit didn’t look even a twinge sleepy, dressed as formally as he ever was and sitting with perfect posture. This was the fourth time.

“Don’t sound too excited, Morality,”

“Why are you here, again?” 

“Oh, I’m wounded. I can’t just stop by to see my favorite side?” 

Deceit had seemingly recovered from whatever had him acting less cruel in their previous interactions, but Patton couldn’t say that he was surprised. He wasn’t an idiot. If this was the game they were playing, then fine. Fine.

He paused the episode of Steven Universe he was rewatching and clicked back to The Good Place. It was the episode they’d left off on a few nights before. 

“What are you doing?” Deceit sounded surprised. Patton shot him a look.

“I’m putting on something we both like. It’s considerate. And don’t worry, I didn’t watch it without you.”

The reptilian beside him scoffed, but he didn’t say anything, so. Point for Patton.

They got through a full episode before Deceit spoke up again, pretending to inspect his nails through his gloves. 

“You’ve got quite the healthy sleep schedule.”

“You’re up too,” was the nicest way Morality could think to phrase, you’re one to talk, jerk.

“I have the self-respect to sleep in late. I absolutely abhor the nighttime, but I’m guessing you’ve got another reason being up so late. Isn’t that right?”

Patton paused the show. 

“You really wanna know?”

“Please, enlighten me.”

The goal here, it seemed, was to upset and confuse. And the best way to trip up deception was by being honest, truly and completely.

“I just need to not think. Just for a little while. It’s so hard not to think about all the not-great things I’ve done,” he’d never told anyone how bad it got at night. Maybe that’s what made it so easy to tell Deceit, to get some of the pressure off his shoulders with someone that wouldn’t look at him so pityingly. It was good to tell someone who wouldn’t care.

It was a while before Deceit replied.

“That was the first true thing you’ve said to me, I think. I suppose I should return the favor-” And Deceit looked at him, completely understanding, “Since you were so surprised to learn we found you unpleasant, Remus and I decided to show you why that was. In a way. But maybe that’s not what either of us need.”

Patton finally glanced up, eyes wide. The fact that it was some malicious plot was unsurprising. The second statement was both surprising and confusing. But Deceit wasn’t meeting his eyes, and it was far too late to try to pry anything more out of him. So they just watched TV. Together.

“Pat?”

Virgil’s voice broke him from his thoughts. Patton made sure that he was smiling before he looked up.

“Is there something you aren’t telling us? You’re kinda radiating anxiety right now, buddy,” Virgil’s face darkened, “Did they do something to you? So you won’t-”

“Or can’t,” Roman added.

“-Or can’t ask for help?” 

Patton appreciated the concern, but he couldn’t help it if the insinuation that they would control him made him wince a disgustedly. How could they really think that Deceit or Remus would do that? (he was pointedly ignoring the part of himself that thought they did things like that less than a month ago.)

That morning, when Remus swung down from the top of the fridge in his kraken-like form, Patton hardly blinked. He yawned, in fact, smiling sleepily. 

“G’morning.” 

Remus picked himself up off the floor and shapeshifted into his usual appearance, pouting. 

“Aww, you’re desensitized.”

To be fair, he’d done this every morning for the past two weeks. Patton was quite used to the company, but he still threw his hands up and gave a very fake scream for Remus’ sake. That turned Creativity’s expression right around to a grin and he bounced his shoulders in a laugh. It was oddly cute.

“Hey, I like this,” Remus announced, bending back the prongs of a fork. Morality smiled to cover up that he had no clue how to respond. He almost thought it was some kind of lure, and he wasn’t losing whatever this game was to them. But, Deceit had implied that whatever plan they had was disbanded. But Deceit was Deceit! But that moment had seemed so sincere, and honestly, he wanted to like this too-

“Your eggs are burning,” said Remus, right against his ear. Patton startled at the sudden proximity, and also at the fact that he was totally botching breakfast. Family breakfast.

“Shucks- Thanks-” he hastily took the pan off the heat, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, but you might not like the answer,” The Duke warned, likely having no idea what Patton was going to ask about but knowing it was applicable regardless.

“Why do you always leave when the others wake up?”

He scrunched up his face, pausing whatever it was he was doing with a spare handful of forks. Morality had noticed that his various disturbing activities had gradually gotten a lot less deliberately upsetting and a lot more like he was just trying to keep his hands busy while chatting. 

“‘Shucks’ is just a combination of shit and fuck,” he said instead of answering. 

“Language!” 

Patton let him change the subject; it wasn’t his business, anyway. Remus cackled- part relief but mostly genuine amusement- and carried on as though nothing had happened. Morality listened to him ramble, and looked over when Creativity wanted to show him some piece of art or his rapidly expanding silverware sculpture. Eventually, when footsteps filled the house and Remus was gone, Patton noticed an aching pain in his face. He quickly realized it hurt from how wide his smile had been.

Oh- maybe ‘desensitized’ wasn’t the right word for how he felt about the Dark Sides.

Morality was going to defend Remus and Deceit. Just like he’d defended Virgil to the others all those years ago, before everything (funny, that, and how the three of them ended up together. Maybe if traits listened to him more, they’d see he ended up right sometimes. And Patton hoped- believed- he was right about this).

“I don’t need help, and they didn’t hurt me! Honestly, they may be a little eccentric, but they aren’t… evil.” 

Three sides gazed incredulously at Patton. He couldn’t blame them, for as soon as he said it he could only hear it as something someone else would be telling him. He remained unwavering regardless.

“Well, of course they aren’t; they are sides of Thomas like the rest of us, and naturally they strive to do what they think is best for him. But, their methods and wants are unrealistic at best and extremist at worst, so it is fair that we’d be concerned.”  

Virgil grumbled low in his throat, looking slightly mollified. 

“I- well- yeah, I just don’t want Patton getting in over his head.”

“What now?”

It was the first night since their last weirdly emotional conversation, and though Remus showed up everyday, Morality had almost thought it was the last he’d seen of Deceit. He was relieved it wasn’t, and his question really wasn’t meant to come out that way.

“You totally don’t just have to ask me to leave. It’s not like I’m no longer here on false pretenses- wait, not no longer- I confused myself,” while he was trying to parse out his own words, Patton let out a slightly surprised laugh. 

“No, it’s alright, I- um, I’m used to you guys being around.” 

The inaccuracy of the word “desensitized” once again flashed in his mind as he saw Deceit tamp down a smile, barely hiding the way his fangs peeked out. 

“Well, I still haven’t seen the series finale of The Good Place, so I might as well stay,” he drawled in feigned indifference. 

“The show just wouldn’t be the same without your running commentary,” Patton playfully nudged the liar’s shoulder.

They watched half of season four in one sitting. 

Patton ran a hand down his face and groaned, earning a concerned look from his best friend. 

“I’ll tell you if I need help, I promise. But I need you to trust me that, right now, I’m okay.”

“I trust you,” Virgil replied without hesitation, “It’s them I don’t trust.”

“Well, why not?” 

Logan and Roman exchanged knowing looks while Anxiety tensed his shoulders. He huffed, eyes downcast.

“I mean… it’s not exactly a secret that I didn’t leave on great terms. I wouldn’t be surprised if they still had it out for, like, all of us, due to association. Especially considering-” he gestured to Roman, who gave a solemn nod. Patton briefly reflected on the terrible fact that nobody in his life could communicate effectively (including himself (wow, maybe some of Deceit’s bitterness was rubbing off on him)). 

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means there’s a chance that we’ll all come out of this for the better!” At this point it was unlikely that there was any risk, but arguing with his family made his head hurt.

“If you think you can get them to be cooperative, then I’m all for it. Our current state isn’t exactly sustainable in the long term, so we’d better resolve the issue sooner rather than later,” Logan said.

“It would be nice to not have to worry about those guys all the time, I guess. If you really think you can get them under control,” Virgil shifted uncomfortably. 

“Yes- but if they do get out of hand, I will take care of them for you, Padre!” Roman flew to his feet with a self-assured smirk, eyes blazing like he could see the scene before him as he summoned his sword. 

“That...  is very sweet. I’ll keep that in mind, Ro,” Morality gently patted his arm, subtly trying to guide the sword out of its path of destruction. 

As the conversation lulled, Patton made his escape, calling out an excuse of making lunch. 

As Patton tidied his work space, his eyes flicked over the counters. He spotted a disheveled black sketchbook that lay forgotten by the stove, its cover swallowed by stickers and doodles which were unmistakably Remus’. 

That morning, The Duke had wandered in and pushed himself up onto the counter, holding out his sketchbook wordlessly, a smile on his face. It was routine by that point, but Patton was still ecstatic every time he got to see the art. While it was horrifying almost all the time, his love of drawing overpowered his disgust and he couldn’t help but shower the pictures with compliments (seeing the way Remus’ usual manic expression softened with appreciation was also a bonus).

After peeking his head around the corner to ensure that the rest of the sides were sufficiently distracted, Patton grabbed the lost leatherbound book and sank out to return it. 

Taglist:

@deceits-left-glove​ @princemesscharming @shrimp-crockpot

[calumance]

LA Devotee - Part IV

Warnings: I literally can’t write without cussing, that’s about it

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Emily’s best friend finally finds out the secret she’s been keeping, but now has to deal with a bigger issue.

A/N: Here’s Part four my lovely little berries. Feed back and requests are always welcomed!!

Part I | Part II | Part III

         Being so concentrated on my work, I had no idea how much time had gone by, not until my phone dinged, and I realized the sun was starting to go down. My fingers wrapped around my phone while my eyes glanced at Calum, still sound asleep on my couch. A small smile pulled at my lips, which quickly faded when I saw Mikayla’s “We’re on our way over!” message. Oh fuck. I set my phone down and walked over to Calum. It’s not that I didn’t want her to meet him, it was more of the fact that I literally lied to her last night, and also, she’s a handful if we’re speaking truths now. I placed my hand on Calum’s arm and shook him enough to stir him awake. “Hey,” I said drawn out, a smile stretching across my face. “I forgot that I had made some dinner plans with my friend. She and her boyfriend are coming over.” Calum started to sit up, “I’m not saying you need to leave, you can stay if you absolutely want to, but she is literally a ball of energy, and if you’re not ready for that, then you can either leave, or you can go sleep in my bedroom or something?” Please go sleep in my bed, please go sleep in my bed.

           Calum ran his hands through his hair and smiled. “I’d love to meet your ball of energy friend.” Fuck. “Do you mind if I clean up a little?” I nodded reluctantly and stood up, my knees cracking on the way up. A disappointing side effect of getting older. He followed me down the hall and I pointed to the bathroom. “Thanks, mind if I shower?”

           “Uh,” I looked in the bathroom and pulled a towel off the linen rack and handed it to him. “I don’t mind, but I don’t have any men’s soap or anything. You can use mine, but it’s all floral and fruity scented.”

           He smiled while taking the towel from my hands, “I don’t mind. Thank you.” As he closed the bathroom door, I walked the rest of the way down the hallway to my bedroom and pulled on some jeans and a black tank top, pretending like I hadn’t sat in my pajamas all day long. Right as I walked past the front door, there was a quiet knock. My feet stopped, and I took a deep breath before opening the door. Mikayla was standing there, a huge smile stretched across her face, Trevor standing behind her holding grocery bags. “We stopped and got something to make since you have a really bad habit of just ordering pizza or Chinese food.” I opened the door further letting Mikayla and Trevor into my apartment. Trevor walked past me into the kitchen and set the bags on the counter. Just as Mikayla was about to say something, the shower shut off and Mikayla leaned back looking down the hallway, “I’m sorry, is there someone in your shower?” She looked at me, and I knew she just caught me in my lie.

           “Uh,” I looked down the hallway trying to think of something coy to say. Coming up with nothing, I pursed my lips and slid my hands into my back pocket. “Yeah.” Mikayla looked at me a large smile pressing across her face in that “I fucking knew it” way. Before Mikayla could actually vocalize that, Calum came out of the bathroom, fully dressed, just running the towel over his wet hair.

           He smiled and threw the towel into the bathroom and started walking towards us. Mikayla’s smile completely disappeared when she saw who was in my bathroom. Without taking her eyes off him, she whispered, “Emily, what is Calum Hood doing in your apartment?”

           I smiled at the fact that she is having the same realization I had the other night.  “Uh, he’s the one who gave me a ride home from the club the other night. We’re friends now, and he came by this morning after he was done in the studio.”

           She grabbed my arm and harshly turned me so our backs were toward Calum. “Emily, tell me the truth, did you sleep with him?” I shook my head, “You’re serious?” The serious look on her face made her eyebrows raise and her lips pull down into a frown. “Well, you have way more self-control than I do. Okay, I’m not mad at you for lying to me last night, only because of who it is.” She turned us back around just as Calum took his last step, “Hi, I already know who you are, but I’m Mikayla and this is my boyfriend, Trevor.” Mikayla grabbed Trevor’s arm and pulled him closer to him. Trevor lifted an arm then Mikayla pushed him, forcing him to return to what he was doing in the kitchen. Sometimes I felt bad for Trevor, never got much of a chance to really speak.

           Mikayla joined Trevor in the kitchen and Calum stood next to me, “You’re right, she is a ball of energy.”

           Keeping my hands in my back pockets, I shrugged, “Yeah, but sometimes it’s what you need when you’re definitely not a ball of energy.” Calum didn’t say anything to that, just nodded and shrugged in agreement. We joined the other two in the kitchen and helped cook the meal. The table was full of laughter and drinks as we all sat at my little table. I even think Trevor cracked a joke or two. In the time I had been dwelling in my own pain, I had forgotten how good it felt to laugh, and to enjoy the company of other people. I looked across the table at Calum who was laughing, causing the wrinkles on the side of his eyes to show. Why was it that when he walked into my life, a cloud cleared? What was it about him that made the sun shine again?

           Mikayla and Trevor left leaving Calum and I alone in my apartment. He was sitting on my couch, drinking a beer and watching something on TV. I sat of the opposite end of the couch from him and pulled my knees to my chest. “Thanks for staying and putting up with my friend.”

           After the bottle left his lips, he nodded. “I had a good time, she’s not that bad. Definitely more energetic than I ever was or ever will be.” He said after swallowing his drink. He looked over at me and smiled before directing his attention back to the tv.

           I kept my eyes on him, his right ankle resting on the top of his left knee. His right hand held onto his beer bottle which was resting on his right knee. His left arm stretched across the back of my couch, making me want to crawl into the side of his body. My thoughts were racing, wanting to tell him everything that he’s been wanting to know, he’s been so patient with me. Never pushing me to tell him about myself. As much as I wanted to spill my whole life to him, I kept my head level and told him a couple fun facts about me, “My favorite color is a deep red like the color of the lipstick I was wearing at the club, I graduated college with a bachelor’s degree in English, and I absolutely hate mushrooms.”

           Calum looked at me, eyebrows pulled in such a way that he was concerned but interested at the same time. “Okay.” He finished his beer with one drink and stood up. “I’m going to head home, thanks for letting me come over.” His hand brushed over my arm as he stepped past me.

           I struggled to stand up in my scramble to get over to him. “You don’t have to leave; would you stay if I told you more about myself?”

           He pushed his bottom lip out into a pout, but the corners of his lips turned up, “No, I just think it’s time for me to head home. Duke needs to be fed and let outside.” He tossed his bottle into the trash and grabbed his keys from the table by the door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” With that he opened the door and left.

           Something in my stomach burned, like I had done something to upset him. I wanted to run after him, but my heart told me not to. I flopped back onto my couch and pulled my legs up towards my chest. My mind raced, and I grabbed my phone. My nails tapped against the screen as I thought about texting him, but I didn’t. Instead I went to Instagram and searched his name. My heart fluttered at all of the pictures of him, and I couldn’t help but smile. He put on this tough guy exterior in photoshoots, but in reality, he’s this big softy. I saved one of the pictures and set it as his contact photo. Feeling defeated still, I slowly got off the couch and made my way to my bedroom, calling it a night.

           Sleep didn’t happen, I spent the entire night staring at the ceiling, with quick bursts of thirty-minute naps here and there. When my alarm went off, I pressed my palms against my eyes and groaned. With a large amount of hesitation, I got out of bed and started my normal daily routine. With my hair pulled into a messy bun, and my coffee ready to make the trek to work with me, I pulled my work flats onto my feet and my blazer over my shoulders and headed out my door, making sure it locked behind me.

           When I got to the office, the only person to greet me was Mikayla, which was how it usually went when I walked into the office. We walked together to our desks, hers across from mine. I put my head into my hands and sighed, “I didn’t sleep for shit last night, Mikayla. I don’t know if I upset him or what, but I told him some ‘fun facts’ about myself and he just said ‘okay’ and then decided to leave.” I dropped my hands onto my keyboard, making my computer screen come to life.

           Mikayla was typing away but looked at me over the top of her computer screen, “Emily, he likes you, I can tell by the way he was looking at you last night, but he’s a gentleman, so he’s not going to push his feelings on you.” She shrugged and looked back at her computer screen, “He probably just wants to know more about you, but you’re such a tightly closed book.” She continued to type, but then stopped to move her chair so she could see me completely. “You shouldn’t lose sleep over it though. Like, for the first year Trevor and I were together, I had no idea what he actually wanted out of our relationship. It took a while, but we did end up finally spilling everything to each other and it turned out he was just as nervous about our relationship as I was.” Mikayla shrugged and moved back in front of her screen. “Just give it time, you met him three days ago.”

           She was right, it’s been three days, why was my mind so wrapped around him? I put the work I had finished at home on my desk and started my work day. When lunch time finally came, I locked my computer and grabbed my bag to head to the lobby of the building to get the same lunch I get every day. Just as I started to walk next to Mikayla, my phone started to ring. Calum’s face showed up, “It’s him, should I answer it?” Mikayla insisted that I should, but by the time I decided I would, it ended, sending him to my voicemail. We made it to the lobby and got in line at the café before the notification of a voicemail appeared on my phone.

           I sat across from Mikayla and looked at my phone, a bit afraid of what he had to say. Mikayla told me to listen to it. Reluctantly, I tapped the play symbol and put the speaker to my ear. “Hey, it’s Calum. I wanted to apologize for leaving the way I did last night. I’m not exactly sure what came over me. Uh, anyway, I think you’re crazy for not liking mushrooms, and red looks good on you, so I’m glad that it’s your favorite color. You’re probably at work, because it’s Monday, but I was really hoping to catch you. I wanted to ask you over to my place for dinner sometime this week. Uh, yeah, call me back. Bye.” I blinked a few times still hovering over the fact that he told me I looked good.

           “What did he say?” Mikayla said, mouth full of food.

           “He apologized for leaving the way he did, and then told me that my red lipstick looked really good the other night?” It was a question, because I still wasn’t sure I actually heard him say that. “He also wants me to go to his house for dinner sometime this week. Should I go?” I put my phone down and grabbed my fork, stabbing at my salad to pick up the lettuce.

           Mikayla’s eyes widened, as if it were stupid to even ask that question. “Well of course you should go, I think you’d be crazy not to. You should call him back, I’ll help you through the conversation.”

           I shook my head and took the bite of my food. “I’ll call him back after work.” I chewed my bite and looked at Mikayla. “You don’t think he’s like asking me on a date or anything, do you?” Mikayla nodded furiously, then told me the past two times Calum and I hung out were most definitely dates. “I don’t know if I’m ready to date, Mikayla. My life was literally ripped apart by the last person I was with.”

           She swallowed her bite, “Yeah, but from what you’ve told me about your ex, he was a piece of shit. What makes you think that’s going to happen again?”

           I stabbed the salad in front of me aimlessly. “Trauma, that’s what makes me think it’s going to happen again.” Mikayla sighs, and I sigh after she does. “Maybe it’s not that I think it’s going to happen again, but maybe I’m afraid he’s going to find out I’m divorced and think differently of me? Like he’s going to think I’m not worth his time, because maybe I am worth his time, I was just married to a shitty person.” I stared at my salad as if it was giving me all the answers to the questions of life.

           “Maybe that’s what you tell him.” My eyes snapped up towards Mikayla. “Tell him that you married a shitty person and had to get out of it, resulting in a pretty shitty divorce.” She shrugged holding onto her sandwich then took another giant bite, a glob of mayonnaise falling onto the plate. I continued to wonder how he’d react if he found out that I was a divorcee.

           The work day ended and, on my walk home, I thought about calling Calum. My fingers grazed over his name a few times, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, not yet. I looked out into the street and squinted at the soon-to-be setting sun. Once I was inside my apartment, I set my bag on the table and opened the fridge to grab a drink. In a fluid motion, I opened the drink, threw the cap onto the counter and walked to the sliding door out onto my balcony. The lawn chair on my balcony squeaked as I sat in it, proving how unsturdy it actually is. My throat felt dry as the first drink ran down my throat.

         The only sound I could hear as I sat there was the sound of the traffic on the street below me.  A breeze blew across my face and I looked down at my phone that I was spinning in my hand. I wanted to call Calum, but I was afraid; of what I wasn’t sure. I washed my drink down as liquid courage and tapped his name, putting my phone to my ear. He answered, and my throat felt tight. “Hey, I got your message, sorry I didn’t call back earlier.”

         He cleared his throat and I could hear a door shutting. “That’s okay, I’m just glad you got it.” He cleared his throat again and I ran my thumb and my pointer finger across my forehead.

         Why were we so awkward with each other? Was there that much tension between us? I let out a breath, moving the phone out of the way so he didn’t hear me. After fighting with myself to find the courage, I put the phone to my ear again, “What day did you want me to come over?”

         “Is Friday okay?” There was a difference in his voice, I could hear that he was smiling. It made me think about the wrinkles that appear by his eyes when he smiles a real smile. Thinking about him smiling like that caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter.

         I cleared my throat this time, breaking the nervousness out of my throat. “Yeah that sounds great.” Calum started to say his goodbye, but I stopped him, “Wait, Calum,” he paused, “When I was twelve, I fell down the stairs and chipped my front tooth. I’ve gotten it fixed, but about three years ago, the seal they had put on fell off, so instead of sealing it again, they just rounded my tooth to make the chip less noticeable, so one of my front teeth is shorter than the other one.”

         He chuckled, “You can’t even tell. Goodnight, Emily. I’ll see you on Friday.”

         I smiled, hearing his soft chuckle on the other end of the phone, “Good night, Calum.” After hanging up, I went back inside and found myself in my bedroom. I threw myself on my bed and hugged my phone to my chest. Friday couldn’t come fast enough.

[darling-child-tisarwat]

Morgan Reads Dune: Part 1

So as I previously stated I’m attempting to read Dune again. I read the first two chapters years ago and bounced off it cuz I hated it so much. I still hate it, and will likely continue to hate it, so yes this is a hate-read.

If you like Dune: cool, I can see how you might even though I don’t. You might not want to read this live-blog tho cuz I will drag the hell out of Herbert and dear special Paulie boy.

This isn’t meant to be taken as serious critique. I’m sure there are plenty of people who have given measured and nuanced critique and analysis of the text who know a lot more than me and are way better writers. Dune clearly is a pillar of Old School Sci-fi, etc etc. The purpose of this live-blog is to help me drag my way through the book to finish it so I can say I did it. That’s it. Also, mild entertainment value for Radchdome.

Dune apparently has no chapters which annoys me further so I’ll be going by page numbers. Basically I’ll do a new live-blog post at every big Manual of Muad’Dib quote, assuming they keep happening consistently in the book. I have the mass marker paperback ISBN 0-442-17271-7 if that helps but probably not.

I would do readmores, but I’m gonna have to do most of this on mobile so I apologize for that.

If you want to blacklist this, I’ll tag all posts with #MorganReadsDune.

Anyway, here we go:

Pages 1 through 13:

“A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct. Except at Waffle House.”

Again I’m like 4 paragraphs in and all my brain is doing is smashing two pans together and screaming about how Paul should have been trans and it would have been a much more complex and satisfying narrative. But you know, Herbert.

Actually losing my mind at the names Paul and Jessica. This is not a unique or new thought, but god. This happened last time but it’s so jarring and I hate it. It’s worse juxtaposed to the Secondary World words like Arrakis and Atreides. Paul. Paul! He sounds like he could be on the Jersey Shore. Jersey Shore: Arrakis Vacation. Anyway I’m still on page 1.

“The awakened boy could see a bulky female shape.” 1. The gendered not-asleep human could see with his sight orbs a human person of exact gender that he knew” 2. Writin’s bad

“Gom Jabbar.” My brain: jabberwocky. Never ending gob stopper. Name of a shitty throw away side character in Star Wars.

Actually hold on I love that I read good sci-fi before any of the “old guard” cuz I just keep reading “reverend mother” and being like “Harrowhark’s corpse mom” so that’s who this woman whose eyes have been described with 3 separate terms is now.

“In all the upset during this time of change, the old woman was the strangest thing he has seen.” That’s just how Cishet men are.

Also: Kwisatz Haderach sounds like something Geralt of Rivia could slay with one hand behind his back just saying.

“There has been so many things to learn.” Head full, many thoughts. “Arrakis-Dune-Desert Planet.” Just keep repeating those vocab words Paulie it’s gonna be on the big Spicy Test later.

“Their mortal enemies, the Harkonnens.” Two households, both alike in dignity. In fair Arrakis where we lay our worms. Also the Harkonnens are my fav because if Paul hates them, I don’t.

“Under a CHOAM Company” Chode company, got it.

“The geriatric spice, melange.” OLD SPICE

“Arrakis-Dune-Desert Planet” stop fucking say that I do NOT need to be reminded.

“Arrakeen” CONLANG MASTER HERBERT OVER HERE. He’s said the work Arrakis 5 times on this page.

“Paul awoke to feel himself in the warmth of his bed—thinking... thinking.” What a window into this characters thoughts...he’s definitely having them. Thoughts.

“The faufreluches” And now we are German.

“Arrakis—Dune—Desert Planet” EARTH—SHIT HOLE—BLUE PLANET

Okay I’m not even going to quote this one but the part where he does meditation and Herbert just uses a shit load of ellipses. Extreme Boomer text message energy. “I’m picking up spice at the store... do you need anything... will be home soon... need to talk to you... bye... :))”

“The animal destroys and does not produce” No?? Animals constantly replenish the land when left to in their native environments?? For a book about ecology, this man knows nothing about food webs and sustainability.

“He studied the tallness of her” Herbert just say she is tall. God.

“... He saw the hint of tension in her shoulders as she chose clothing for him...” WHY IS HIS MOTHER DRESSING HIM. HE’S 15.

I am going to imagine Paul has a pair of shoes with little bells on them, and every time he goes somewhere, the words “here comes a special boy here comes a special boy!!” mixes with the sound of the jingling.

Herbert is obsessed with em dashes and ellipses.

“If only she’d borne us a girl as she was ordered to do!” Now-we-don’t-have-time-to-unpack-all-that.jpg BUT ALSO: Paul-should-be-trans Example-1.

“One gestalten flicker” whole book gonna be like this, huh

“Hair: the Duke’s black-black” Paul Atreides has Vanta Black Hair. Harkonnen House Is Banned From Purchasing Vanta Black Pigment

“...With the browline of the maternal grandfather who cannot be named...” Vold... Voldemort??

THE CUBE. “She turned and Paul saw that one side was open—black and oddly frightening. No light penetrated that open blackness.” VANTA BLACK just like Paulie boy’s special hair.

This animal talk shit... humans are animals. The Beliefs and the Philosophies My Dude... simply geriatric.

Paul with his hand in the Cube: “just like Minecraft”

“We seldom administer this to men-children.” Paul-is-trans example 2.

Fist My Box Or Die, Man-Child.

Ok we gonna replace the word fear with the word cum just to get me through this:

“I must not cum. Cumming is the mind-killer. Cumming is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my cum. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the cum has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

“No woman child ever withstood that much [pain].” A-CisHetMan-Wrote-This.jpg Paul’s special boy bells be a jinglin’!!!

My concentrated rage for this book is what powers the box. Also we get into the first titillating bits of ableism text: If you’re human, you can withstand pain and even override it. Get fucked!

“He senses Truth! Could he be the one? Could he truly be the one?” Jingle jingle jingle

Mommy is allowed back to baby boy’s side now that he has passed the Hate and Pain test. As you know women must always be tested for Hate and Pain.

“Thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a man’s mind.” Those kids on their damn phones! Ok Boomer.

“You did that on remarkably few clues.” Jingle jingle

“Separating human stock from animal stock—for breeding purposes.” Eugenics! In! Space!

“We look down so many avenues of the past... but only feminine avenues.” “It is said a man will come one day and find in the gift of the drug his inward eye. He will look where we cannot—into both feminine and masculine pasts.” Paul-is-trans example-3 but also, Herbert what the absolute fuck are you talking about.

[helsaguy]

Unpopular opinion: One major problem with Frozen's plot is that it tries to simultaneously explore two very distinct themes that can stand as their own in a movie, i.e. don't marry the man you just met and be yourself. The story could have been better by focusing on Elsa's emotional struggles with her power and how she eventually learned to accept help from the people around her. The decision to make Anna's flaws a main point ended up sending mixed messages. Frozen is a movie, not a TV series.

Agreed.

To me Frozen was always a story about two sisters. How they grew apart because of fear and isolation and a lot of manipulation by their parents, and how they should have been brought together again through love, support, and the process of relearn to accept and love oneself with the good and the bad (which all of us have) We are not alone and we shouldn't go through life alone. Frozen should/could have been about not just blood family but found family as well (which is a very important matter) and... They blew it.

The whole idea of trying to make Frozen a story about not marring someone you just met is pretty dumb. And while I agree that it could be a theme on its own for a whole other movie, a movie like that would also be pretty dumb as I don’t think a movie as such would be needed or exciting to watch... Who needs a movie about that specific theme, really? I think no one in the real world would/should be stupid enough to marry someone like that no matter how well they get along. The only way I see two people marring each other while not knowing anything about each other and having just met is if that marriage was arranged by parents or whatever authority figure the people respond to? People nowadays also marry because of money or things like medical insurance, afford a place to live, etc. And while I understand why these things happen, I can't help to think it's quite sad in more than one way...

Elsa’s struggle should have been the main aspect to explore in the first movie but they pushed it aside for the longest time throughout Frozen. All the characters cared about is the weather. Well, Anna and Hans were the only ones who showed some concern for her but Hans’ ultimate goal was to stop the winter (even if that meant killing Elsa) as he was left with the responsibility of taking care of a whole kingdom threaten by said winter; and Anna’s priorities were all over the place. She wanted her sister back but showed no sign of caring about her sister’s side of the story. She basically judges Elsa for being distant and assumes Elsa doesn’t like her or doesn’t want her near. Then she wants Elsa to stop the winter while continuing to not care to listen to her sister’s problems causing Elsa to accidentally freeze her heart. At last Anna was more concerned about getting a kiss from a stranger to save her than what was happening with and to Elsa.

I'm writing this in a "matter of fact" way and not as a mean to complain about the characters though. These characters are flawed, they are complex, and they have reasons and motives to be this way, I think.

On a side note; it has always bothered me how the people of Arendelle weren’t the least concerned about their just crowned queen (of course I believe the Duke's attitude helped in that too)... Not a single one of them, nor the guards, nor Kai and Gerda were worried about Elsa. All the people of Arendelle saw was their kingdom being frozen and no one saw nor cared about Elsa's obvious face of terror and panic while everything was happening. No one ever put themselves to think that Elsa was being a victim of what was happening just as they were and that makes me sick to be quite honest. I also want to say that if Frozen would have made better use (or use at all) of the characters they already had to work with, Kai and Gerda could have been Elsa and Anna's guardians after their parents died. They could have acted like the parental caring figures the girls were missing. Or at least be confidants to the sisters. People they could talk to. Because apparently Anna was so alone that she talked to pictures on the wall. Neither of Kai and Gerda could have acted as friends to Anna while Elsa was in lock up? And the same for Elsa. Could neither of them try to be there for Elsa? Support her in any way they could if they cared? These two are so wasted... They could have been treated as real characters even in the sequel. But no. They had to come up with a nonsensical plot that introduced more characters that would be once again ignored or sidelined and tokenism.

The composition of these movies is so wrong...

The Duke and the trolls are also characters that are there but they do nothing either. The trolls contribution is to be cryptic or misleading af and Fixer Upper is an awful song and sequence; while the Duke could have been taken as a serious character but he is there for laughs and his antagonistic nature and criminal actions are brushed off easily... If this movie "needed" a physical villain, the Duke and his goons are the characters they should have used. Not throw Hans' character under a fucking bus for shock value and try to be "subversive" with the Prince Charming trope. They already had the act of true love being Anna's sacrifice as a good, valid, and appropriate contribution to what Frozen is or should be about. That alone was actually relevant to the message of the story.

I could be writing about this and so much more all day to be honest. Time passes and all there is left about Frozen are missed opportunities, wasted potential and crap. A lot of crap. In front and behind the scenes. There barely is a shadow of what it used to be. I can only vaguely remember how much I idolized this movie... What a joke. What a scam. What a waste of time and energy it all amounted to.

P.S. I’m also tired of Disney nowadays making jokes about what it “used to be”. In my eyes they are insulting the foundation of the company they so much brag about today and that doesn’t float with me. One more thing to add to the pile of things that make me hate the products and brand I cared and loved so much about since I was a child. Thank you Disney for ruining in my eyes all you used to stand for.

[kalique]

i’m not gonna bother to rank them (callaghan remains at the top no matter what) but i am about to write about my thoughts on the disney dilfs of whom i am aware. they don’t need to have kids, they just need to be of the age where they could have kids and have dad energy OR be a father. if they’re a father they don’t necessarily have to have dad energy but if theyre not, they do to qualify. i decide who has dad energy or not. btw animals count. blame disney for making their animals hot for no reason. i’m not a furry. hope this helps

gepetto—we are starting out weak here. you know that post about how wallace is the most non-sexual being in existence? false. it‘s gepetto

the prince, bambi’s dad—he has hot energy. he’s a bad dad if i recall correctly, but i just know and feel in my heart that if he were a human, he would be really hot

the king from cinderella—is definitely banging the duke, and good for them. love wins! i don’t have like much of an opinion on him being a dilf. he has slightly more sexual energy than gepetto which is not saying much. he has bear energy. i guess if you’re into him then good for you

dads from sleeping beauty —they have near identical energies and appearances to the king and duke from cinderella. they, also, have a little homoerotic thing on the side. they are both slightly hotter than their counterparts, and i must report that i am attracted to aurora’s dad. there is a stirring in me. it’s slight but it’s there. both dilfs

roger from 101 dalmatians—dilf. i won’t elaborate.

the dodger from oliver and company—i include him with reluctance. he is technically sort of like oliver’s dad, and he has certain aspects to his personality that some might find hot, and i certainly haven’t been reluctant in expressing my attraction to other disney animals, but some part of me recoils at calling the dodger a dilf. i just cannot.

triton from the little mermaid—super hot, swims around shirtless everywhere with his sexy dad bod out. i find him hot but i also hate his fucking guts for being an abusive dad to ariel and an all around douche (ik he was trying to protect her but come on). he is a dilf but i proclaim him so resentfully and disrespectfully

maurice from beauty and the beast—a sexless being. belle doesn’t have a mom, he reproduced asexually. i cant think of this man as hot or dilfy in any way shape or form. goodbye

sultan from aladdin—see above

mufasa—meow. my god. something about him just makes my ovaries stir. i’m not ashamed. the supreme animal dilf

frollo from hond—no. are you even gonna make me say it?? NO

zeus from hercules—tbh i’m losing steam here. idk what to say about him. he has dilfy qualities but his character design is so odd that i can’t find him attractive

dad from mulan—good looking. hits all the right dilf notes. i don’t find him show stoppingly attractive but somebody probably does. definitely a dilf

human dad from tarzan—was seen for like 0.5 seconds before he was eaten by a jaguar, but he was pretty hot in the physical sense

gorilla dad from tarzan—ok gorillas are where i draw the line. somebody definitely wants to fuck him, though

pacha emperors new groove—hits all the right notes to be a dilf, but i just don’t find him hot. he’s not doing it for me. i would rather give him a bear hug than give him a… more horizontal bear hug

cobra bubbles from lilo and stitch—zoo wee mama. yes. yeah

silver from treasure planet: see above. my god. i don’t know precisely what elusive dilfy quality makes this man so fucking hot but it’s working and it’s sizzling.

buck cluck from chicken little—no. also i share a birthday with him ☹️

older lewis from meet the robinsons—i feel weird saying anything about his hotness bc the movie is about his 12 year old self and i would feel like i’m calling a kid hot somehow?? but older lewis A) has a bunch of kids and B) is super super attractive. also C) is respectful of women and children and D) has a great personality. he checks every box. i just feel weird about it

dad from tangled—appears for 2 seconds but he’s pretty hot yeah

dad from frozen—nooooooo!!!!! don’t get me started on my essay about how this man is a child abuser and traumatizer or you will never get me to shut the fuck up. DIE!!!!

callaghan big hero 6—-you already know my feelings on this matter 🥵

dad from moana—fine i guess. standard dad in every way. a dilf i suppose. i’m lukewarm on him

maui from moana—also dilf energy but giving off way sexier vibes about it. i KNOW this man fucks so much.

dad from raya—-standard and somewhat bland dad personality, makes up for it by being a master of martial arts AND having the most beautiful appearance of any disney dad ever, i am confident in saying this. callaghan is more attractive to me personally but raya’s dad looks like he was sculpted by the gods

encanto—i just saw this on tuesday there’s like 5 dads in it. i will give my opinion on a later date

[kidsviral-blog]

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons/

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

And they wonder why we’re so screwed up.

1. It’s alright that your boyfriend cheats on you.

Hasbro

Hasbro

  Strangely, Jerrica never seemed to have much of an issue that her boyfriend, Rio, was having an affair with her alter-ego Jem.

2. It’s totally cool to take a controlled substance that gives you crazy energy and causes you to, literally, bounce off the walls.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

Clearly the Gummiberry Juice that the Gummi Bears made was some sort of crazy meth — which might explain why Duke Igthorn really wanted it.

3. It’s perfectly OK to terrorize senior citizens.

Cookie Jar Group

Cookie Jar Group

  Poor retired Mr. Wilson, he just wanted to live a peaceful quite life, but Dennis and his gang felt the need to torment him. And even worse, Dennis’ parents seemed perfectly cool with that.

4. No one ever gets hurt in gun battles.

View this image ›

Hasbro

For as many battles as the G.I. Joe Team got in with Cobra Command, no one ever seemed to get wounded. Maybe the fact that they were such bad marksmen was the reason they could never take down Cobra?

5. You might have a long lost sibling out there that you might want to hook up with.

View this image ›

Warner Bros.

I think it’s safe to say that He-Man and She-Ra were the original Jaime and Cersei Lannister. And don’t act like you didn’t ship it.

6. It’s OK to harm someone as long as you’re doing it because of love.

View this image ›

Via s1100.photobucket.com

Seriously, that Care Bear stare was NO JOKE. The Care Bears might have seemed like cuddly harmless creatures, but they weren’t above taking you down.

7. If a crime happens, you should help solve it.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

The Rescue Rangers were always snooping in on the police and taking on cases that probably should’ve been handled by actual law enforcement — or at least professional rodent law enforcement.

8. It’s perfectly safe to leave toddlers unsupervised for several hours.

View this image ›

Via youtube.com

Like who in the hell was raising all those Muppet Babies?! ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t Nanny — who never seemed to be around.

9. You should love money more than anything else.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Animation / Via giphy.com

Sure, Scrooge McDuck had a rather large extended family, he was even raising his three grandnephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. But what he seemed to care for the most was his vast fortune and his Number One Dime.

10. If you’re the only female in a situation, expect to get harassed, constantly.

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Via smurfs.wikia.com

Poor Smurfette, those perpetually horny Smurfs seemed to never give her a second to breathe.

11. It’s normal for a creepy adult to hang out with a teenage girl.

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Via randomassaultpodcast.com

A creepy poltergeist adult to be exact. Let’s be honest, Beetlejuice and Lydia’s relationship was clearly a (paranormal) episode of To Catch a Predator waiting to happen.

Also, why weren’t Lydia’s parents just a little more concerned with the fact that she was very obsessed with the occult?

12. Being a super-rich teenager gives you permission to be ruthless and mistreat those who are not as well off as you.

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Mill Creek Entertainment

Beverly Hills Teens was perfectly suited for the ’80s, the decade of excess. The show featured rich spoiled teenagers that in between attending high school, spent all their time living a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous wet dream. Of course the show’s true star was Bianca Dupree, who was the series’ resident villain who used her money to scheme against her friends and be cruel to her chauffeur Wilshire.

13. It’s fine to keep secrets from adults.

View this image ›

Via girlonthepark.wordpress.com

Yeah having a dinosaur friend like Denver would be cool, but having it possibly kill one of your friends, not so cool.

But, you know, don’t let your parents know ‘cause they might take your dangerous friend away.

14. You should strive to be irresponsible and constantly stoned.

View this image ›

The Jim Henson Company / Via muppet.wikia.com

Those Fraggles were high-as-fuck 24/7, and they did nothing but lay around, have the munchies, and share in each others trippy dreams.

On second thought, those hippie Fraggles were onto something.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons

[tessatechaitea]

Kamandi Challenge Special #1, Part Three

I'm falling further and further behind on my comic reading because of this Kirby shit.

This is not a vortex.

Jim Starlin's OMAC story must have been really fucking weird for it to get the label "mind-blastingly" over the Kamandi story. Kamandi enters the Vortex which carries her away to a parallel universe. But that's not the weird part. By the 70s, that was cliché by DC's standards. The weird part is when Doctor Canus and his friend Sherlock Dog (who has a sidekick named Doile) try to help their parallel universe friend Pyra not die from a lack of energy. To do that, they need the help of the mutants who managed to open the huge doors in the Wondrous Western Wall which led to the vortex. But the dog-men can't get close without their radiation suits which were destroyed by the energy of the vortex. And because of all that, Pyra's ship turns into a bug.

I should have stuck to my original idea five years ago: critiquing Penthouse Forum letters.

My mind is pretty well blasted already so I hope this Special doesn't include Starlin's OMAC origin. I don't know why it would unless the Kamandi Challenge is going to feature a heaping helping of the One Man Army Corps. On her journey through the infinite reaches of all space and time, Kamandi learns that he gets to be the focal point on which all futures rely.

Yeah but if there are infinite realities where all choices are possible, doesn't she actually choose all of them and none of them at the same time? So none of this really matters!

I suppose I'm being too hard-headed and should probably work with the story. I get what the Voice is saying. All these realities exist but sometimes some special person or event can change them in ways outside of the usual "all choices exist as parallel" worlds paradigm. And Kamandi is that special person! Sometimes I like to argue with and correct myself before I have to hear from a blowhard Internet Actually Nerd. Mostly because their responses are never funny. They really should work on their material. It might not be so bad to be Actually'd if I could have a laugh at the same time. Kamandi's friends are about to be murdered by the Kangarat Murder Society while Kamandi runs off to a brand new Earth that never experienced a natural disaster linked with radiation. The last hope her friends have is that Kamandi will turn away from this last temptation, turn away from the voice of the vortex devil, and return to sacrifice herself for her friends. I mean, she won't really sacrifice herself. But she is giving up a world where she can probably wear something nicer than the crusty Daisy Dukes she's been wearing for years and where her hair won't be full of lice and where they probably still have toilet paper. On Kamandi's way back home, he's grabbed by Brute and Glob who decide to take him to The Sandman. Oh. That's probably why this issue is being featured! So that people reading it can go, "Oh shit! That's where Brute and Glob came from?! A Sandman comic before The Sandman! It's so nice that new kids are being born all the time so that comic book companies can use the same characters over and over again so that they seem new but then older fans who never grew out of comics can be jazzed about seeing old characters done in a modern way! Or something!" The Sandman decides that Kamandi needs to learn that whatever she's seen in the vortex is as real as whatever she sees in dreams. So not real at all? Anyway, it seems like an unneeded delay for Kamandi. She's just being hassled by some guy who feels the need to prove that his job is way more important than it actually is. Don't get me wrong, I love dreaming! But if the person behind my dreams was all, "Stop thinking of them as entertaining! They're fucking super important, asshole!", I'd just think he was a twat with low self-esteem. You can't force people to appreciate things the way you think they should be appreciated. I suppose this whole control freak side of The Sandman is reflected in Neil Gaiman's take on his Sandman. To teach Kamandi the lesson that needs to be taught for some reason, The Sandman decides to show him a movie about the some war on Santa Claus. He wants Kamandi to "watch and learn what an alternate Kamandi named Jed once learned long, long ago." I hate learning things that other people learned. How is their learning relevant to my life? Boring! Anyway, Christmas is saved and Jed manages to make it back home where she saves her friends and everybody lives happily ever after. What Did I Learn? The Glob and Brute story in The Sandman makes a lot more sense to me now! I mean, it made sense before in the context of The Sandman that a few nightmares had escaped and created their own mini-Dreaming while manipulating humans into thinking they were the real Sandman. Of course it makes this story a little bit darker than it should be knowing that this Sandman will eventually kill himself due to Glob and Brute's machinations! Oh, I also learned that Kamandi's grandfather was OMAC and that Kamandi's world is OMAC's nightmare of what the world will become if he fails to do his duty. I also learned that I can only take about three Kamandi stories before I get tired of writing about Kamandi stories and just sum up the last story in one sentence.

[kidsviral-blog]

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons/

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

And they wonder why we’re so screwed up.

1. It’s alright that your boyfriend cheats on you.

Hasbro

Hasbro

  Strangely, Jerrica never seemed to have much of an issue that her boyfriend, Rio, was having an affair with her alter-ego Jem.

2. It’s totally cool to take a controlled substance that gives you crazy energy and causes you to, literally, bounce off the walls.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

Clearly the Gummiberry Juice that the Gummi Bears made was some sort of crazy meth — which might explain why Duke Igthorn really wanted it.

3. It’s perfectly OK to terrorize senior citizens.

Cookie Jar Group

Cookie Jar Group

  Poor retired Mr. Wilson, he just wanted to live a peaceful quite life, but Dennis and his gang felt the need to torment him. And even worse, Dennis’ parents seemed perfectly cool with that.

4. No one ever gets hurt in gun battles.

View this image ›

Hasbro

For as many battles as the G.I. Joe Team got in with Cobra Command, no one ever seemed to get wounded. Maybe the fact that they were such bad marksmen was the reason they could never take down Cobra?

5. You might have a long lost sibling out there that you might want to hook up with.

View this image ›

Warner Bros.

I think it’s safe to say that He-Man and She-Ra were the original Jaime and Cersei Lannister. And don’t act like you didn’t ship it.

6. It’s OK to harm someone as long as you’re doing it because of love.

View this image ›

Via s1100.photobucket.com

Seriously, that Care Bear stare was NO JOKE. The Care Bears might have seemed like cuddly harmless creatures, but they weren’t above taking you down.

7. If a crime happens, you should help solve it.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

The Rescue Rangers were always snooping in on the police and taking on cases that probably should’ve been handled by actual law enforcement — or at least professional rodent law enforcement.

8. It’s perfectly safe to leave toddlers unsupervised for several hours.

View this image ›

Via youtube.com

Like who in the hell was raising all those Muppet Babies?! ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t Nanny — who never seemed to be around.

9. You should love money more than anything else.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Animation / Via giphy.com

Sure, Scrooge McDuck had a rather large extended family, he was even raising his three grandnephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. But what he seemed to care for the most was his vast fortune and his Number One Dime.

10. If you’re the only female in a situation, expect to get harassed, constantly.

View this image ›

Via smurfs.wikia.com

Poor Smurfette, those perpetually horny Smurfs seemed to never give her a second to breathe.

11. It’s normal for a creepy adult to hang out with a teenage girl.

View this image ›

Via randomassaultpodcast.com

A creepy poltergeist adult to be exact. Let’s be honest, Beetlejuice and Lydia’s relationship was clearly a (paranormal) episode of To Catch a Predator waiting to happen.

Also, why weren’t Lydia’s parents just a little more concerned with the fact that she was very obsessed with the occult?

12. Being a super-rich teenager gives you permission to be ruthless and mistreat those who are not as well off as you.

View this image ›

Mill Creek Entertainment

Beverly Hills Teens was perfectly suited for the ’80s, the decade of excess. The show featured rich spoiled teenagers that in between attending high school, spent all their time living a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous wet dream. Of course the show’s true star was Bianca Dupree, who was the series’ resident villain who used her money to scheme against her friends and be cruel to her chauffeur Wilshire.

13. It’s fine to keep secrets from adults.

View this image ›

Via girlonthepark.wordpress.com

Yeah having a dinosaur friend like Denver would be cool, but having it possibly kill one of your friends, not so cool.

But, you know, don’t let your parents know ‘cause they might take your dangerous friend away.

14. You should strive to be irresponsible and constantly stoned.

View this image ›

The Jim Henson Company / Via muppet.wikia.com

Those Fraggles were high-as-fuck 24/7, and they did nothing but lay around, have the munchies, and share in each others trippy dreams.

On second thought, those hippie Fraggles were onto something.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons

[kidsviral-blog]

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons/

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

And they wonder why we’re so screwed up.

1. It’s alright that your boyfriend cheats on you.

Hasbro

Hasbro

  Strangely, Jerrica never seemed to have much of an issue that her boyfriend, Rio, was having an affair with her alter-ego Jem.

2. It’s totally cool to take a controlled substance that gives you crazy energy and causes you to, literally, bounce off the walls.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

Clearly the Gummiberry Juice that the Gummi Bears made was some sort of crazy meth — which might explain why Duke Igthorn really wanted it.

3. It’s perfectly OK to terrorize senior citizens.

Cookie Jar Group

Cookie Jar Group

  Poor retired Mr. Wilson, he just wanted to live a peaceful quite life, but Dennis and his gang felt the need to torment him. And even worse, Dennis’ parents seemed perfectly cool with that.

4. No one ever gets hurt in gun battles.

View this image ›

Hasbro

For as many battles as the G.I. Joe Team got in with Cobra Command, no one ever seemed to get wounded. Maybe the fact that they were such bad marksmen was the reason they could never take down Cobra?

5. You might have a long lost sibling out there that you might want to hook up with.

View this image ›

Warner Bros.

I think it’s safe to say that He-Man and She-Ra were the original Jaime and Cersei Lannister. And don’t act like you didn’t ship it.

6. It’s OK to harm someone as long as you’re doing it because of love.

View this image ›

Via s1100.photobucket.com

Seriously, that Care Bear stare was NO JOKE. The Care Bears might have seemed like cuddly harmless creatures, but they weren’t above taking you down.

7. If a crime happens, you should help solve it.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

The Rescue Rangers were always snooping in on the police and taking on cases that probably should’ve been handled by actual law enforcement — or at least professional rodent law enforcement.

8. It’s perfectly safe to leave toddlers unsupervised for several hours.

View this image ›

Via youtube.com

Like who in the hell was raising all those Muppet Babies?! ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t Nanny — who never seemed to be around.

9. You should love money more than anything else.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Animation / Via giphy.com

Sure, Scrooge McDuck had a rather large extended family, he was even raising his three grandnephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. But what he seemed to care for the most was his vast fortune and his Number One Dime.

10. If you’re the only female in a situation, expect to get harassed, constantly.

View this image ›

Via smurfs.wikia.com

Poor Smurfette, those perpetually horny Smurfs seemed to never give her a second to breathe.

11. It’s normal for a creepy adult to hang out with a teenage girl.

View this image ›

Via randomassaultpodcast.com

A creepy poltergeist adult to be exact. Let’s be honest, Beetlejuice and Lydia’s relationship was clearly a (paranormal) episode of To Catch a Predator waiting to happen.

Also, why weren’t Lydia’s parents just a little more concerned with the fact that she was very obsessed with the occult?

12. Being a super-rich teenager gives you permission to be ruthless and mistreat those who are not as well off as you.

View this image ›

Mill Creek Entertainment

Beverly Hills Teens was perfectly suited for the ’80s, the decade of excess. The show featured rich spoiled teenagers that in between attending high school, spent all their time living a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous wet dream. Of course the show’s true star was Bianca Dupree, who was the series’ resident villain who used her money to scheme against her friends and be cruel to her chauffeur Wilshire.

13. It’s fine to keep secrets from adults.

View this image ›

Via girlonthepark.wordpress.com

Yeah having a dinosaur friend like Denver would be cool, but having it possibly kill one of your friends, not so cool.

But, you know, don’t let your parents know ‘cause they might take your dangerous friend away.

14. You should strive to be irresponsible and constantly stoned.

View this image ›

The Jim Henson Company / Via muppet.wikia.com

Those Fraggles were high-as-fuck 24/7, and they did nothing but lay around, have the munchies, and share in each others trippy dreams.

On second thought, those hippie Fraggles were onto something.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons

[kidsviral-blog]

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons/

14 Mixed Messages All '80s Kids Got From Cartoons

And they wonder why we’re so screwed up.

1. It’s alright that your boyfriend cheats on you.

Hasbro

Hasbro

  Strangely, Jerrica never seemed to have much of an issue that her boyfriend, Rio, was having an affair with her alter-ego Jem.

2. It’s totally cool to take a controlled substance that gives you crazy energy and causes you to, literally, bounce off the walls.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

Clearly the Gummiberry Juice that the Gummi Bears made was some sort of crazy meth — which might explain why Duke Igthorn really wanted it.

3. It’s perfectly OK to terrorize senior citizens.

Cookie Jar Group

Cookie Jar Group

  Poor retired Mr. Wilson, he just wanted to live a peaceful quite life, but Dennis and his gang felt the need to torment him. And even worse, Dennis’ parents seemed perfectly cool with that.

4. No one ever gets hurt in gun battles.

View this image ›

Hasbro

For as many battles as the G.I. Joe Team got in with Cobra Command, no one ever seemed to get wounded. Maybe the fact that they were such bad marksmen was the reason they could never take down Cobra?

5. You might have a long lost sibling out there that you might want to hook up with.

View this image ›

Warner Bros.

I think it’s safe to say that He-Man and She-Ra were the original Jaime and Cersei Lannister. And don’t act like you didn’t ship it.

6. It’s OK to harm someone as long as you’re doing it because of love.

View this image ›

Via s1100.photobucket.com

Seriously, that Care Bear stare was NO JOKE. The Care Bears might have seemed like cuddly harmless creatures, but they weren’t above taking you down.

7. If a crime happens, you should help solve it.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Television

The Rescue Rangers were always snooping in on the police and taking on cases that probably should’ve been handled by actual law enforcement — or at least professional rodent law enforcement.

8. It’s perfectly safe to leave toddlers unsupervised for several hours.

View this image ›

Via youtube.com

Like who in the hell was raising all those Muppet Babies?! ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t Nanny — who never seemed to be around.

9. You should love money more than anything else.

View this image ›

Walt Disney Animation / Via giphy.com

Sure, Scrooge McDuck had a rather large extended family, he was even raising his three grandnephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. But what he seemed to care for the most was his vast fortune and his Number One Dime.

10. If you’re the only female in a situation, expect to get harassed, constantly.

View this image ›

Via smurfs.wikia.com

Poor Smurfette, those perpetually horny Smurfs seemed to never give her a second to breathe.

11. It’s normal for a creepy adult to hang out with a teenage girl.

View this image ›

Via randomassaultpodcast.com

A creepy poltergeist adult to be exact. Let’s be honest, Beetlejuice and Lydia’s relationship was clearly a (paranormal) episode of To Catch a Predator waiting to happen.

Also, why weren’t Lydia’s parents just a little more concerned with the fact that she was very obsessed with the occult?

12. Being a super-rich teenager gives you permission to be ruthless and mistreat those who are not as well off as you.

View this image ›

Mill Creek Entertainment

Beverly Hills Teens was perfectly suited for the ’80s, the decade of excess. The show featured rich spoiled teenagers that in between attending high school, spent all their time living a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous wet dream. Of course the show’s true star was Bianca Dupree, who was the series’ resident villain who used her money to scheme against her friends and be cruel to her chauffeur Wilshire.

13. It’s fine to keep secrets from adults.

View this image ›

Via girlonthepark.wordpress.com

Yeah having a dinosaur friend like Denver would be cool, but having it possibly kill one of your friends, not so cool.

But, you know, don’t let your parents know ‘cause they might take your dangerous friend away.

14. You should strive to be irresponsible and constantly stoned.

View this image ›

The Jim Henson Company / Via muppet.wikia.com

Those Fraggles were high-as-fuck 24/7, and they did nothing but lay around, have the munchies, and share in each others trippy dreams.

On second thought, those hippie Fraggles were onto something.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/14-mixed-messages-all-80s-kids-got-from-cartoons