#edit: fuck the tags then only true ones (followers) get to see my fire posts

[booigi-boi]

The Best of You was originally supposed to be a Needy Beast song, right? It definitely feels more of a legit band song than the rest, and even if I'm lowkey sad they didn't go with this plan (cause I need more NMT references, lol), look at Needy Beast and then look at me and tell me if those guys look like the kind of band that would make that song, kssksk

Idk, maybe Thrash made the song for Courtney 🥺

[betweentheracks]

Hello and yay for this blog!!! I have a question :D. If a certain Chinese star were to wear jeans that say "my cock is gluten free" and "pull me down and fuck me," do you think his stylist would have chosen this knowingly, or do you think it's possible they just were like "hmm english words looks good" and didn't bother to look up the meaning? If they did know the meaning, would they have likely informed the star? Very desperate for the thought process behind this Choice hehehe. Thank you!

Ah, I was wondering hoping if I would get asked about those infamous jeans and here you are!

First and foremost; the following is all speculation from my experiences in the business and is wholly subjective. 

It isn’t impossible that they weren’t aware of what was written on the jeans, but it also isn’t all that likely either. When you pull up these jeans on the Dsquared2 site there’s a listing of what is doodled and written on the jeans and it’s not something that would be overlooked by neither stylist nor client. 

That said, Yibo does know some English and while he may not have known these words exactly, there’s more than enough ways of discerning their meaning. I would also bet half a year of my salary that his stylist would have known what was written here, or any number of personnel that works with them for that matter. I would also take into consideration that even if the jeans had slipped by all these people that may or may not have had the ability to see what was all over them, some of Yibo’s fellow idols should have (looking at you specifically, Seungyoun).

Setting this aside for a moment, I’ll go into who I think is responsible for the jeans being worn to begin with - Wang Yibo himself is the likely culprit. 

Why do I think this? There’s many reasons but most are inconsequential while two points frame the scene as I see it. 

This is markedly not a choice a stylist would make. Stylists, at the end of it all, are employees and therefore it shouldn’t be too surprising to know we have rules in place we must abide no matter if we are working outside the purview of the company we are housed under. Even when we work exclusively with a client, we are still taking the name of our company as well as our own with us and are operating as an extension of the brand the company promotes and promises. I don’t know of any company here (and I live in rather free faring place which welcomes eccentricities, mind) that would allow these jeans to be submitted as part of a pitch to either buy or borrow unless they were very specifically in line with a client’s public image and style. Technically these jeans would classify as offensive and profane which means they would invite trouble and cause a stir. While stylists are not associated much with the PR side of things we are still essentially a team playing for the same client - this selection, if gone badly, would be like asking for lightning to strike twice in one place at the same time. If a scandal amounted from them PR would have to handle it and that means the stylist would come under fire for making such a bold and risky choice, most especially with a younger client that thus far didn’t have the sort of image one would think to associate with jeans such as these. 

The second reason is that, from what I can tell, this is in line with Yibo’s personality. He’s very serious about style and engages with it as he does most things; by overtaking it completely and rebranding it to suit him to the point that it makes one wonder if the style wasn’t designed with him in mind. He makes full use of what fashion is all about at it’s core; expression. These jeans in particular would have suited the Yibo of the time he wore them (2018, if I remember right?) as he was trying to break away from the image he held as a pretty boy with demure and soft looks which held the shock value of being in such contrast with his dancing and rapping. He’s mentioned before that he doesn’t really like being “cute/sy” and having to do things in the way of that since it’s not true to who he feels he is. Which, honestly, a lot of idols and stars go through this experience where they no longer wish to be constrained by the persona they play for the public and one of the most impactful means of going about it is to address the styling since it is the focal point of public image. 

The Dsquared2 jeans don’t only say “my cock is gluten free,” there’s actually quite a lot to them and I think it would help if more were aware of it so here’s the description of them on the website: 

D Squared Limited Edition Jeans. Sexy Twist Printed Low Rise. Fun, Evil Boy, Love Sucks, Pull Me Down, Open Me, Unzip, Buttons, Wine Is My Water, Tic Tac Toe, Dean & Dan, Sex, Gluten Free Cock, Hot Patches

The jeans actually say “pull me down and fuck me” right there on the ass, but naturally they can’t list the expletives in the marketing. Not strictly important to this post, but still worth mentioning given the hushed treatment of what the placement of such words could easily imply and the effect that could have had. 

Anyway, the bit that is very telling in my opinion is that “evil boy” tag. I’m not terribly certain due to having never been fortunate enough to work with these jeans myself and the internet only has so many pictures from so many angles, but “evil boy” is either written somewhere (which I think is the case since there’s devil horns present as well) or they’re being promoted as such for aesthetic value. Regardless, I am fairly certain this would be the feature which caught Yibo’s eye. It’s on brand for someone seeking to shatter the conceptual ideal of being naive, innocent, youthful, or soft.

The jeans as a whole fit with Yibo’s sense of humor, as I’ve seen it at least. He lost his mind and fell into full laughter and hysterics over a dick joke, not even minding that he was being filmed or anything. He was still laughing about it even after the other hosts had moved beyond it, making them circle back around to it and in turn making it all the more hilarious for him to enjoy. You can see it clearly in the bts footage from the CQL set that he enjoys being mischievous and stirring things up and having a good time. 

This is who he is, I believe, and it makes a lot of sense for him to have made this stylistic choice and then either convince his stylist to let him run with it or change out at the last second. Both of these are possible, though one of them is less probable than the other given how tricky it actually would be to sneak a wardrobe alteration past the many people that make up the staffing roster for any events, and then to be able to change in the limited time frame available between exiting the dressing room to being in the public sphere would be one in a thousand. Much simpler to goad your stylist into being lenient enough to give you free reign over your own styling - we can only hold out and say no when the grounds for it are met, which this wouldn’t have done in all likelihood - and most of the time we build up a good enough relationship and rapport with clients that we end up doting on them a bit and heed their requests when we can.

That’s all from me on this token moment in Yibo’s very stacked fashion history. Thanks for asking!

Furthermore, there’s the third possibility that this wasn’t a styling choice whatsoever. Or at least not one that involved the stylist in any real regard. It is very plausible that this was just Yibo in his own clothes, having dressed down after the main events wound down. I’ve never actually watched to see what that night looked like overall, but from the videos I have seen it looked to me like the actual do had passed and they were all just goofing around and having their own dance competitions and such when he was wearing them. I can’t say for sure that he did or did not have them on for the whole thing or if they were his own self packed casual wear. In which case it would fall back to his studio to tend to since stylists generally don’t hold authority over personal clothing choices and only ever have a hand in it when it is expressly stated in contracts or temporary clauses, and it just isn’t too common anymore. 

Worth a quick mention for means of distinction, here in the US this choice wouldn't have raised many eyebrows no matter if it was chosen by an artist or a stylist. The only reason I feel it necessary to say this is simply because this is not so in China and that alone lends context to the controversy of these jeans. In the scope of conservatism these jeans are outrageous and I think that a stylist would steer clear of utilizing them at all if they value their job. This is why I don't consider it likely at all that Yibo and his stylist collaborated to make use of these jeans as a way to shake away the remnants of his pretty boy aesthetic.

[jwritesandrambles]

“Supposed to Be”

Hi there! Yeah I still barely use tumblr but hey lookit I did the wrote thing down!!!!

I would like to give a bit thank you to @schweeeppess and @dragonsworn05 for editing my messy dyslexic rambles. @noroomforcream and @just-a-little-in-over-my-head  did some really cool art for this! 

(if I missed tagging someone, it’s not personal I appreciate you so much, I’m just posting in a rush mwauh)

Jason was back in Gotham. For the second time since he died, actually.

The last time hadn’t gone well. Technically, it had gone according to plan--for the most part--but Jason was still shambling together the broken pieces of his mind. Back then in December, all that was left of Jason were the shards of hurt and anger. He had been living for nothing but the idea of someone else’s death. Coming back to the real world, away from the sheltered and hidden places of the League of Shadows and the All-Caste, seemed to bring a bit of him back. Seeing Bruce, talking to him…everything that went down, and the reminder that he cared about him--loved him, even--it woke something up in Jason. Something that he thought had died along with him and never came back. 

He had spent a year by himself, taking any mercenary jobs he could get, trying to find something other than the all consuming anger that had fuelled him for the past few years, but his travels didn’t matter now, as he stood in a back alley of Gotham, the protective red helmet tucked under his arm. He wished his replacement, Tim Drake, hadn’t chosen this particular alley to meet up in. 

The balcony and rickety old fire escape were unforgettable to Jason. It was where he had met the Bat, after trying to jack the tires off one of those many damn expensive cars that Bruce had. Not only where it began, but where he once thought it would end. It was only a year ago he had stood, gun trained on Bruce, the man he had, for a time, called father. His voice shook and tears rolled down his cheeks, “it would be so easy to kill you.”

Jason was ripped from his reminiscing as a soft thud signaled that Red Robin had landed behind him. Jason flinched more than he’d like to admit, but fought the urge to draw his weapon. Quick reflexes was a nice way of saying jumpy. 

“Hood,” The teen greeted. 

“Replacement,” Jason said with a nod, echoing Tim’s tone back at him, relaxing. 

“Weren’t you a replacement too?” Tim pointed out, seeming to take no offence. 

Jason shrugged, “True. I’m not denying it. Just as long as you know that’s probably what B expects. Another Grayson,” he mumbled. 

Sure, he was less angry than before, but that didn’t mean Jason wasn’t a bitter son of a bitch. 

Tim bit the inside of his lip, an awkward and slightly uncomfortable look on the visible part of his face. It flickered away and was replaced with a more professional, neutral expression as he cleared his throat. 

“Yes... well... We’re here for a job so let’s focus. You got all the information B sent you?” He was honestly trying his best, but he was hesitant about this mission. Could anyone blame him? Jason Todd had proven himself to be... volatile. The memories of Jason’s violence were all too fresh in Tim’s mind. 

“Yeah, I got it. I read the file over,” he mumbled. He puffed out a weak breath, “Scarecrow set up a chemical mixing shop by the docks, at least one shipment has come in, but we can expect more, right? Anything I missed?” Jason asked, rummaging through his coat pockets. 

He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He had been trying to quit, but he didn’t want to be getting distracted with cravings while trying to focus on the mission. 

Tim watched him quietly as he lit off, smelling the tobacco from up on his perch. 

“Um... yes, that’s all,”  the teen dragged his teeth along the edge of his lip. The skin felt slightly raw and sore from his empty minded nibbling. 

Jason started walking off down the alley, leaving a slight trail of lingering smoke in damp air. Tim followed. 

“So,” Jason pulled the cigarette from his lips, careful not to let his helmet slip from under his arm. He held it between his first and second fingers, “Uh.. Why’d you have us meet here instead of anywhere closer to the docks?” He asked, trying to break the awkwardly growing silence.

“Scarecrow has patrols circulating around the docks. We’re less likely to be spotted if we’re not waiting around there to meet up,” Tim explains with a little shrug.

Jason hummed a brief note of understanding, “Oh yeah, that makes sense. I’m, uh, I haven’t worked with anyone in... years,” Jason paused, taking another drag from the smouldering cigarette, “Y’know, really nothing team oriented since working with B. Even then I was a shitty teammate,” he laughed hollowly.

Tim nodded, thinking about what Jason’d just said. Had it really been that long? Maybe… maybe the fact that Jason was even admitting to being a bad teammate didn’t bode well. It could mean trouble for them later. If it was so obvious that even Jason could admit it, perhaps Tim shouldn’t have done this team-up. 

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Tim ran to catch up to Jason quickly, “Wait... how old are you?” He asked upon reaching him. 

“I’m t- uh... hold on, well... how long was I gone?” He asked Tim in return. 

“You were thought to be dead for five years,” Tim told him, in a tone like he was reciting a Wikipedia page written about the formally deceased, wayward Wayne boy. Now that Jason thought of it, he was certain Bruce had a file written up on him now. Bruce had written up for every major criminal in Gotham city. 

Jason let out a low whistle and soft huff, “I must be… twenty one now? Weird.”

“So... you didn't know how old you were till now?” Tim raised a brow, causing the mask to shift.

“Yeaahh,” Jason drew the word out sarcastically, pretending to took him deep thought to reconcile. “Somethin’ about the severe head trauma, dying, comin’ back, and being isolated from the normal world for years, all while being a wreck the whole time seems to have made my memory a lil’ fuzzy,” Jason said with a wry, sarcastic smile.

Tim seethed silently, letting out a series of apologetic mumbles, eyes dropping to ground ahead of him- it was a tactless and rude thing to ask, and Tim should’ve known that! 

Jason laughed weakly, hand quickly coming up towards him and... ruffled Tim’s hair? The boy hadn’t even had a chance to recoil. He was just confused; that was the last thing he’d expect from Jason.

The man stubbed out his cigarette and lumbered on ahead of Tim, dropping it in the trash, “Don’t worry about it, kid. I was just being a bitch, you’re fine.”

Tim opened and closed his mouth, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. A man who tried to kill him only a year ago had just ruffled his hair?! He decided not to comment on it, because-- after all--what the hell could he even say?

Tim cleared his throat again, “We should get into position, we’re almost there. Maybe get your, uh, helmet-thingy on?” He suggested. 

Jason glanced at the helmet- he’d almost forgotten he had it tucked under his arm. 

“Yeah, of course,” Jason said, lifting his helmet and plunking it on his head, “good reminder, Timbers.” His voice became modulated the second the helmet covered his head. His low, gravely, smokers growl of a voice, was nowhere near and deep and gravely as Bruce’s--but sounded like it took a step closer with every box of cigarettes--became a pitch lower still. An odd robotic twang edged his words, giving him a metallic, cyber sound.

Tim adjusted his own mask, making sure it was firmly in place before nodding to Jason. The two silently started up again, approaching a warehouse that was supposed to be locked until the next morning’s shipment. “Supposed to be” being the operative words. Instead, there was muted huffing and shuffling as two of Scarecrow’s workers uncomfortably hauled a large crate into the building.

Both Jason and Tim seemed to shrink into the shadows at the same instant; each becoming one with the wall. Jason drew his weapon quietly, earning a disapproving frown from Tim. “I’m not gonna kill them. Chill,” Jason whispered in that odd robotic voice. 

Tim seemed satisfied enough to quit pouting at Jason. They crept closer, making little dashes between hiding spots when the coast was clear.

Jason let out a breath of curse as his eyes fell about the giant, glass, canister. It was filled with a bubbling, sickly, arsenic green substance.

“No way, that shit is all fear toxin? Fuck! He’s got enough to blast the entire downtown!” His voice came through in a synthesized hiss.

“Worse.” Tim whispered, spying the large pressurizer on top of the glass container. “That’s just the liquid form. When he releases it, it’ll be gaseous. If it’s released from the container from a high vantage point, a small breeze could cover the entire city in minutes.”

The severity of the situation washed over what little of Tim’s features were visible from beneath the mask. 

This wasn’t just a quick little in and out operation anymore. One wrong move and there could have a small, yet very messy, catastrophic outcome.

Tim had to plan this carefully, because there was no way they could afford to mess this up.

He turned to Jason...or, rather, where Jason had just been seconds before. 

Jason had evidently had a similar train of thought to Tim’s. He’d realized this was a serious situation, though, instead of drawing the conclusion to re-evaluate, re-plan, and carry on with caution, or something sensible-- he seemingly forgot any sense of subtlety he had. Oh, God forbid carefully thinking his actions out, like any sane rational person would do. Or calling for backup, like anyone with a vague semblance of self-preservation.  No no, instead, Jason had decided it was best to act now and not waste a second with plans or any ideas of safety. He jumped into action.

Jason was already leaping over the crate the two vigilantes had been hiding behind seconds ago, as Tim let out a quiet imploring hiss of “Wait--oh no-”“ but it was too late.

Jason already had his gun drawn. 

“Scarecrow!” he yelled, “this ends now!” He fired at the box the two workers were carrying, sending it out of their hands and clattering to the floor. A series of shattering followed the initial crash as the contents shattered. Whatever chemicals that had been inside hissed loudly, a faint smoke rising from between the boards of the wooden box.

“Hood!?” The Scarecrow rounded to face who he knew as the ex-criminal, ‘The Red Hood.’

“In the flesh.” Jason kept his gun trained on Scarecrow, while a third worker who had been off to the side started to shuffle his way towards him.

“Thought you moved your little operation away from Gotham when the Bats got the better of you,” Scarecrow commented, not seeming pleased about the interruption at all. 

Scarecrow’s worker lunged at Jason. Tim kicked himself mentally and left hiding, kicking the worker --physically, not mentally this time-- back away from Jason. The third worker scuttled back, apparently deciding this altercation was above his pay grade.

Jason felt something he hadn’t really felt in a long time; it was a feeling akin to camaraderie. He had someone watching his back for once. If the circumstances hadn’t been so dire, he might have even cracked a smile. Or, rather, he might have felt a slight tug at the corner of his lips, at least.

“Well, yeah, the bats did get the best of me. Now I’m tryna give them my best. And that involves bootin’ your sorry ass out of here.”

“Quick witted, aren’t you?” Scarecrow tensed slightly. His eyes darted away from behind his mask for a moment. He was glancing to the side. Tim followed his gaze over to the-

Shit! The canister! If the bullet missed Scarecrow it would-

Tim knew what scarecrow was thinking, but it was too late.

“NO!” Tim shouted, helplessly watching as Scarecrow dove.

As expected, Jason pulled the trigger reflexively, but the Scarecrow had already ducked. The bullet made a resounding bang as it fired, hitting the large gas canister. 

Tim seized up, every nerve buzzing, every muscle tensed, every fibre of his being filled with an awful sinking sensation. The room was deadly-still. It was like something written by the hand of a fool-hardy novelist, who was paid far too much for over-the-top paperbacks; The bullet had embedded itself in the glass, acting like a stopper. A sickening series of cracks emanated from the canisters, as a thin spidery web formed across the glass. All tendrils originating from where the bullet hit.

Jason let out a low whistle, “Well. That coulda been disastrous.”

Tim couldn’t help but feel relieved, a stressed laugh escaping his lips. 

Scarecrow was scampering away, his workers already having pulled a quick disappearing act themselves, because, this wasn’t what he’d planned. 

“Don’t even think about it, Crane,” Jason said as he turned, taking a heavy step.

Said heavy step was apparently too much. The glass gave a shuttering groan, followed by a small hiss as gas began to leak.

Tim made an involuntary distressed sound. Something akin to an exhausted sigh mixed with a whimper. 

The one word that ever so eloquently graced Jason’s lips was, “Fuck.”

And the canister...

Burst.

The pressure placed on the glass had built up and could no longer hold.

Jason’s final step had been the breaking point, the spider work of cracks along the glass giving way with a great shatter.

Shards of the canister flung themselves across the room. The liquid that had been held within instantly began vaporizing into a thick, sickening gas. To anyone that had the misfortune of inhaling it, it felt as though the gas was trying --with every atom of its existence-- to choke the life out of its victim. It reached into their lungs, clawed at their insides, grabbing at their desperately beating hearts, and squeezed. It forced their brain to fill their body with adrenaline and hallucinogens. Tim knew this. 

He’d studied the Scarecrow’s fear toxin many times. He’d been exposed to it before, too. Tim knew this fear and knew he was helpless to do anything about it.

Tim was helpless to stop this. He had failed. He’d failed Bruce. He’d failed this mission. Because he was weak. He was weak, helpless, hopeless, a failure, a burden, unwanted. He was nothing more than a replaceable replacement. No one would care if he was gone, God, it’s not like anyone would ever notice! He was a forgettable nothing. Tim coughed and wheezed. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe!

Tim staggered. He tripped over his feet trying to get away from the intense fear that gripped his throat. Tim realized something physical was gripping his neck. The thing dragged him back roughly, towards what he could only assume was something horrid. Tim clawed at the thing gripping his throat. As he gasped for shuddering breath, he couldn’t help but begin to sob. He was going to die. He would die and no one would care. No one would even try to find him when he didn’t come home, they wouldn’t even notice because he was worthless, replaceable, weak, failure, helpless!

A new level of fear washed over Tim as he felt something cover his face, it encased his head. Tim could feel it squeeze his skull, he swore the pressure felt tight enough to crush his cranium like a tin can. It was claustrophobic. He felt his own shallow breath bounce back against his lips, because it had nowhere else to go. He was trapped and suffocating.

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t BREATHE! OH--oh, oh no... no? Wait a moment... he COULD breathe.

Tim took a moment to try to get his bearings. He needed to remember how his lungs worked. He awkwardly sucked in a breath of filtered, recycled air. It tasted tinny on his tongue. Tim blinked the tears from his eyes. They rolled down his cheeks, and he became aware of the taste of salt too. There was the faint scent of stale tobacco and smoke. His mind was reeling as he processed each detail. He dragged tongue over his lips nervously, and began to chew at his bottom lip. Tim’s heart was still pounding and his hands were shaking. He raised his hands to feel his head, glancing at his twitching fingers as they passed in front of his face, confusedly. Everything had a red tinge to it. He pressed his hands to his head, feeling a hard smooth surface.

Tim’s brain felt slow and groggy, taking a moment to clue into what was on his head. Was it Jason’s helmet? Yes, yes it was Jason’s helmet, that was certain, but where was Jason? 

The thick gas still hung in a green fog, but the helmet seemed to be filtering the worst of it out. Tim swept his arm though the air, watching the gas clear slightly, before swooping in to fill the gaps. Tim knew he needed to thin this stuff out if he wanted to have any hope in finding Jason before tripping over him. He rushed through the room, feeling his way over to the door. Scarecrow’s men had closed it, containing them --and more importantly the gas--  inside. Small mercy the fear toxin wasn’t being released on the city though. 

Tim dragged his fingers along the wall. His senses were so heightened that it was almost overstimulating. It was likely due to the toxin, Tim guessed. He could still feel the rough brick as he scraped along, even through the tips of his gloves. It was oddly reassuring. A steady constant he could focus on until -thunk-  His hand bumped into a smooth metallic protrusion from the wall. Exactly what Tim had been looking for. 

“Bingo.”

Tim swept his other arm through the air again, doing his best to fan the gass away for him to get a bit of a better view of what he was hoping to see. A metal switch box, old and slightly rusted around the edges. Tim had been counting on any wearhouse by the docks having a ventilation system to keep the products safe from humidity. Of course, he was right. With some difficulty, Tim wrenched the switch box open. After straining to read faded, dusty labels through the gas in the air, he flipped what he hoped was the right switch.

There was a small whine of aching metal that hadn’t moved in a long time and Tim cracked into a grin underneath the helmet. 

He’d done it!

The fans kicked into a regular pace. The smooth ‘whoomp whoomp whoomp’ of turning blades filled Tim with a sense of muted triumph. The foggy haze of fear gas began to thin as the building began to filter it out, mixing it with the humid air. Tim figured it would be condensed and drip out to puddle with the dirty water in the alley behind the warehouse. If Tim was right, which he usually was, it wouldn’t harm anyone unless they decided to drink from the puddle water. Which was unlikely, but not impossible. It was Gotham after all.

Tim looked around the room as the gas dissipated. His gaze found its way to a shaking heap on the floor next to the shattered remains of the canister he had been standing before. The proud grin faded from Tim’s lips. 

That... that wasn’t a good sign at all.

“Hey, um, hood? Red hood, status?” He asked, the words felt strange as they left his mouth. Hearing his own modulated voice echo slightly in the room felt vaguely surreal. 

The heap of muscle and leather known as Jason didn’t reply. 

Seeing Jason’s twitching body on the floor emptied a hollow pit in Tim’s stomach. Jason had never seemed like he was even capable of fear. Capable of rage, capable of hurt, and capable of pain, sure, but fear seemed like something Tim would’ve assumed Jason was beyond. Something so... innate, that the unnatural nature of Jason’s second life would’ve swept it away. 

Tim made his way over, hesitantly rolling the helmet forward off his head. The fear toxin seemed to be thin enough now that it wasn’t harming him.  

“Ja-er, Jason?” Tim’s soft voice seemed thunderously loud in the quiet room. The only other sounds around were the fans quietly whirring away and, far more disturbingly in his opinion, the even quieter shaking breaths and distressed whimpering tumbling from Jason’s lips. 

Jason was not in good shape. He was shaking violently, hands over his head. His whimpers were punctuated by violent spasms that racked his body every few seconds, accompanied with a louder more pronounced cry. 

Tim felt the colour drain from his face. He quickly kneeled down, setting the helmet on the concrete floor next to them both with a slight clink. Tim grabbed Jason’s arm, trying to turn him on to his back. Jason heftily flailed the arm Tim pulled, unintentionally hitting Tim in the face. Tim yelped in surprise as a sharp pain sprung from his nose, warm liquid leaking down his face. The blood pouring down his face didn’t deter Tim much, the blood coursing through him  seeming to do the opposite for pain as it did the rest of his senses. The pain was slightly numbed--or, rather, it had become easy to ignore. He fought to wrangle both of Jason’s arms, quickly scrambling to sit on Jason’s torso, struggling to pin Jason’s arms down with his legs. 

Tim took off his mask. He knew it was against protocol, but an un-obscured face was easier to recognize when the toxin took hold, in Tim’s experience. 

“Jason? Jason, look at me. Can you hear me?” he asked quickly, holding on to Jason’s shoulders. He desperately hoped Jason wouldn’t throw him off. Jason’s eyes were unfocused, spinning around wildly all over the room. 

Tim tried to process Jason’s words, “No, not again, ple--I can’t I--it hurts! Fuck! It hurts,” Jason’s words became incomprehensible for a moment, then his fists clenched tightly. “I don’t want to die! Not again. Not again not again not again! He’s gotta come save me, take me home, he’s gotta! Shit, not again!“ he choked and broke off with a shout and another full body jerk. 

Tim was jostled but didn’t fall off, by some miracle. “Jason!” he tried. “Listen to me!” Tim put his hands on either of Jason’s face. Jason flinched away from Tim’s touch with a sob of “It hurts, it hurts, I can hear all my bones snapping, I’m dying, it’s crushing me, I can’t--I can’t--”

“I know,” Tim cut him off gently, “I know it hurts and--and you’re scared, but you’re not alone, I’m right here. I’m going to help you,” Tim tried to catch Jason’s focus. 

Jason’s roaming eyes stopped dodging around the room, and turned towards Tim. He kept looking from Tim’s shoulders, Tim’s chest, back up to his face and then to his eyes and back to his chest again. Perhaps not the ideal image of calming down but it was a first step. 

“Good,” Tim praised softly in relief. He ran his thumbs over Jason’s cheeks gently. Now more so than ever did Tim take notice of the scars on either side of Jason’s face. On Jason’s left cheek, there was a jagged line that traced from his cheek bone down to his jaw. A similar yet smaller one was mirrored on Jason’s right. Tim could understand why Jason flinched from him. He shook the thought from his mind, “See? We’re okay. Just try to breathe, in and out. You can do that, right, Jason?”

“No! No! I c-can’t, I’m crushed, I can’t. My--my lungs, they’re all full of blood, and mud, and dirt, and fuckin’ I dunno what!” Another violent thrash went through Jason’s body, almost toppling Tim off this time. “I can’t breathe, it hurts! I want it to stop hurting! How do I make it stop!?” 

“Uah--yeah, I know it hurts, but I promise nothing is crushing you. It’s just me, I’m light, and I’m here and I--I know it hurts I’m going to try to make it stop but I need to--” Jason thrashed, but Tim didn’t relinquish his hold on him, “--but I NEED you to stay still!”

Jason’s eyes finally locked on to Tim’s, “M-make it s-stop?” he echoed back to the smaller vigilante.

“Yeah, yeah I’m going to try to make it stop.” Tim slowly pulled his hands away from Jason, sitting back slightly, starting to fish through the many pockets and pouches attached to the strap around his waist.  

He almost always had the antidote on hand. Bruce had trained him and prepared him meticulously, making certain that Tim would be ready with everything they had at all costs. The only issue was it was enough antidote for him; almost seventeen, about a head shorter and ninety pounds lighter--nowhere near enough antitoxin for the two hundred and forty pounds of murder that was the shaking mass of Jason Todd slumped before him.

Jason dropped his head back against the concrete floor, beginning to mutter once again. 

“My fault. All my fault. I can’t--all dead.”

“No one is dead, Jason, everyone is okay,” Tim said, soon after feeling a small surge of triumph as he located his field fear toxin antidote kit. He opened it, quickly pulling out a small vial, and a syringe.

Jason’s eyes snapped to the syringe in Tim’s hand as he filled with antidote. Jason grew quiet for a second before starting to try to fight Tim off of him, “No, no no no no no no! Don’t go! don’t go! Not again, I can’t be alone, can’t be asleep he’s gonna kill us. Dad said he’ll get rid’f his mistakes!” 

Tim knew Bruce wouldn’t have ever threatened Jason like that. He could only assume Jason meant his biological father. 

“Said he would--don’t, don’t! It’s crushing me I can’t be alone!” Jason couldn’t keep hold of his own fears. They ran together, all mixed in to become some dread filled nightmare he couldn’t wake up from. 

Tim was lucky Jason was so sloppy in this state. If he’d had a bit more of his wits about him, Tim figured Jason would’ve easily shaken him off already.

“You aren’t alone!” Tim reminded Jason, struggling to inject Jason without hurting him. “This is going to make it stop, I promise!” Well, that wasn’t fully true. But the dose would reduce it. 

When Jason wouldn’t hold still enough for him to properly gauge where the vein he needed was, Tim unceremoniously jabbed at where he hoped it was instead. 

Jason shouted, thrashing around like a heavy shark in a net being lifted out of water.

Tim pulled the empty syringe away quickly, letting Jason throw him off. He stumbled and crashed back down, landing on the concrete floor a few feet away. Tim only now realized how heavy his breath was as he watched Jason writhe freely on the floor before him. As Tim caught his breath, Jason’s movements gradually began to slow. The mutterings of fear faded into soft whimpers, then into deep breaths like Tim’s. Tim bit at his lip again. “Jason?” he asked, leaning forward slightly.

Jason groaned in response. He took a moment to collect himself as he grew conscious of reality again. Really, reality was a shit hole too, but it was a better shit hole. He shifted slightly, cussing under his breath. 

Tim felt an invisible weight lift from his shoulders; swearing like a sailor was promising in Jason’s case. 

He quickly scooted across the floor to him. 

“Hey,” Tim said in a hushed voice. “Jason? How you feeling?”

Jason--with what felt like the struggle of Sisyphus rolling his boulder for the millionth time--rolled over to face him. The white shock of hair stuck to Jason’s forehead with panic induced sweat. He puffed out a lungful of air in a feeble attempt to blow the hair from his face. Jason swiftly gave up on that and swallowed heavily.

 “I-I... yeah, yeah, I uh... I--okay. I’m feeling okay,” Jason rambled, looking dazed. He took up scanning the room again, hyper-vigilant to any danger.

Tim nodded slowly. He grabbed a water bottle that was shoved in one of his many pouches. He helped Jason sit up, just enough so he could sip at the water, and forced the bottle into Jason’s hands. 

“Drink,” Tim ordered, quietly. 

Jason’s hands still shook lightly, causing him to fumble with the cap in his hands. 

Now that the danger had passed, Tim finally had time to process what had happened; he often found himself acting and only having time to absorb the details afterwards. Details like that Jason had traded his safety and immunity for Tim’s. 

Why did Jason do that?

“Not... that I’m ungrateful,” Tim began hesitantly, “but that was a stupid thing to do, just… now- today,” he stumbled out awkwardly.

“I know,” gasped Jason after a long chug of water, a weak smile on his lips. 

“I mean--it’s like in those before flight messages on planes. Put your mask on before the baby’s or whatever,” Tim joked slightly. Tim’s nose wrinkled slightly, cringing just the tiniest bit as he realized he implied he was the baby in this situation, “Well, you know what I’m getting at…”

Jason seemed to only take even more amusement out of the teen’s regret. Tim never thought he’d see the day where he felt tension draining at the sigh of Jason Todd, a man that tried to kill him and about eighty other people, smiling. 

Jason laughed weakly, though it came out a little haltingly, as the shivering shakes hadn’t yet subsided. “Yeah, well, I d-did have my mask on. I just... gave it to the k-kid before the plane went down,” he mused. He didn’t really believe in his own point, and shook his head. 

“No, no you’re right. It was stupid and I know that.”

They fell into a slightly awkward silence for a second, the burning question still gnawing at Tim’s mind.

“Why?” Tim said, abruptly. “Er, why did you do that? If you knew it was stupid?”

Jason didn’t answer for a long moment. Instead stalling by taking another swig of water. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand before answering.

 “I don’t know,” Jason admitted, with a little smile. 

Jason was breathing heavily, but seemed more focused, “I didn’t... really think. Maybe I was just makin’ up for other stuff I f-fucked up or... dunno. I guess I j-just... I knew if one of us was gonna be safe, it had to be y-ou.”

Jason swore he could practically see the little loading sign twirl in Tim’s nerd-brain as the teen processed what he’d said. The mental loading bar filled, and Jason’s words seemed to click. Tim’s eyes dropped away, and he smiled a little shyly. Not an awkward or uncomfortable smile. Just complimented.

“Thanks,” Tim’s voice was just above a whisper, “ that was... really nice of you.” 

“It’s okay, don’t men-ention it. Like literally ever. It’ll ruin my rep,” Jason cracked a teasing smirk once again and Tim got to his feet laughing lightly.

“Annnnddd he’s back to normal,” Tim chuckled and offered Jason a hand. Tim yanked him, not without obvious difficulty, up to stand tall. Jason leaned on him for a moment before straightening, keeping a hand on Tim’s shoulder to steady himself. Tim quickly bent down and scooped up their masks from the floor where he’d set them down.

“Let’s get you home,” Tim hummed, putting Jason’s arm around his shoulders again when he stood.

“Hey, I’m fin-ne, you don’t have to take me back,” Jason argued, but Tim was already starting to lead him away.

“Too bad, I decided I am.”

“Rep-placement Robin number whatever you are--I am fine!”

“Sure you are, that’s why you can’t stand up right by yourself?”

“Shut up!”

“I speak only truth.”

The two bickered all the way back through away from the docks. All the way back through the city. All the way until they reached Jason’s apartment complex. Then they bickered some more. Though neither knew it yet, what had begun forming was the beginning of a close bond. One that nothing would be able to break.

[sakura-haruka]

Mike aka captainpoe is talking shit about me so let me get things straight.

He’s gonna do screenshots of what will makes him look like the victim, like he always does so you will have to believe me on my words (since I coun’t found our conversations by pm) but most people who know me or I've been following me for a long time know that I usually stay out of the drama. Big thanks to my friends for telling me what he was doing behind my back like the adult he is.

3 years ago Mike started following me, I was back then a small blog and I thought “wow a big blog is following me!”

He started to talk me and really fast told me to send him my edits by messages and I did! he also reblogged me on his mcu blog (and his sw blog too... I think).

I was really stressed with a big exam around July and I became obsess with EVERYTHING, I was a true pain in the ass to everyone. I’m not gonna lie. So yeah I also became obsess with my Tumblr notes, I did gifs to relax but it was not working very well back then. my behavior was childish and I apologized to him after! 

(He accused me of wanting to be reblogged on his sideblogs, it’s true, but it’s natural to me to reblog everything that people send me or tag me in on my sideblogs, I sincerely don’t understand people problem with reblogging on sideblogs things ).

When he got harassed on here, more like called out (it was actually around the same time I was a dick)  he asked me to take his defense and to reblog a post he made, he was basically whining about how he was the victim and never harassed anyone, he sent me messaged telling me that he was a married man in florida and never did anything against the once upon a time fandom, wasn’t homophobic and meh meh meh... Back then I believed him because he was the nice guy who was helping me getting notes in the MCU fandom. He used me, after talking to other members I realized that I wasn’t alone. 

I WANT TO APOLOGIES TO THE POEPLE I DIDN’T BELIEVED BACK THEN. I KNOW WHO HE IS NOW. 

He started being aggressive but nothing worriedly when TLJ came around, it was a real little thing but I wasn't shipping Rey x poe and I felt like it was problem for him that I wasn’t shipping them. I didn't thought too much about it but still, it left a bad taste in my mouth, I wasn’t talking a lot to him after that.

When I had problems and got hate on my blog he didn't do shit to help me. 

I was still sending me my edits because... Notes. I can’t lie about that, like every  creators here I want my edits to get notes. 

I think we haven’t talked for a verrrry long time, I was sending my edits that’s it. 

Last year he asked me to join my GOT blog, after all the reblog he did for me I thought It would be really bitchy to me to not add him as a member. But I also noted that it was funny how he joined both the B99 and the GOT fandom once he realized that it was very popular. 

He did edits on the blog so no problem at all, until s8 ended. I’m like everybody, I hated that season but when someone join my sideblogs, especially my got one, I am very clear about the no hate rule (I had problems with that on this blog before). But he thought that since he was popular he could do what he wanted, I deleted the two first he reblogged, one of them was calling people to harass D&D and I hate what they did but as someone who has been victim of bullying at school and still suffer from that I was disgusted by what he posted but I haven’t told him anything since he’s really popular and I didn’t want to create any drama... I have a life so I  finally forgot about it. 

My laptop broke and gosh, I really understood who he was at that moment! I sent a messages to all the members of my sideblogs asking them to keep the blogs active while I can’t, normal stuff for an admin. I had my tablet with no photoshop... spidey got “fired” and like a lot of other people I thought about that scene in iw where Tony told him “you’re an avenger now”, lucky me I have already made that gifset before so I took my tablet and just reposted my own gifset, it took me so long because I had to convert it back to gif format because of Tumblr... Anyway, later he sent me a message accusing me of having copied him and I haven’t seen his gifset so told him exactly that. He then accused me of doing that ALL THE TIME with endgame and I told him “listen bro we’re both using the same 30 seconds YouTube clips that marvel gave us”, like 20 other people (they were not a lot of people because that channel was weirdly unknown), it’s true that I was doing them after him but it’s just because I have a life and cannot always do gif, I make them when I have time. He also basically told me that I must be rich for having replaced my laptop that fast, I haven’t, I was using my tablet but even if I did replace my laptop, mêle toi de ton cul ( I have no English expression coming to me ).

I really understood who he was then. 

He totally stopped making edits for my got blog, because it stopped trending so it wasn’t interesting him anymore. 

a few months past and I think the only thing he told me is that he was scared of clowns... Literally. 

And then the BIG ONE, I know he was a douche but omg. Mike asked me to reblog ALL his posts on a sideblog I'm only a member of. He told me that the admin have blocked him because she was shipping reylo and well reylos hate him because he’s posting shit on them , they were a huge misunderstanding then (because i’m French and I may not have explained myself right) , I told him that I wouldn’t reblog him if the admin didn’t want to see his posts on the blog, he was blocked! and I was, at the same time, talking to another member of this blog who is a close friend of the admin and she agreed with me. he was very insisting and I told him that the admin was checking what we add to the queue and would certainly delete his posts, it was the big misunderstanding that could have hurt the admin of the blog, I just meant I know she checks what’s happening because she told me when I don’t tag a post with the right tags, it’s just what a good admin (unlike myself) does. I also told him that it was a new blog with “only” 14k followers, he must have something like 50K followers sooooo, and that his edits were getting 100K notes, more than anybody here. He became... I have no words to describe that. He told me that it was a dictatorship if I couldn’t reblog what I wanted, and that I should leave the blog, I stopped answering pretty fast after that. 

 In our last conversation I was vulgar. (it’s in the post he sent to my friends), he really need to get over it, I’m French and from Normandie : I am vulgar! wtf. It’s also the last thing he ever posted on my game of thrones blog. It was a Sunday either two days after after the last star wars movie came out or ten days ( I don’t remember if he waited a week or not) but he reblogged a text post from his blog sending hate toward the writers of both got and sw and spoiled the entire Star Wars movie on my game of thrones blog, which was “the drop of water that caused the vase to bleed” like annoy me all you want but when people goes on my got blog they don’t want to be spoiled, it was so rude and mean and that post had nothing to do there and it was at least the third time so I told him to “fucking stop” and since mr thinks he is the king he went all “you can’t talk to me like that” “I'm an adult” meh meh meh. I told him to never go in France ‘cause he wouldn't like us. And it was the last time we spoke.  Nothing to do directly with me but I would never do what he does to get notes, that man he’s ready to use any big events such as pride or women’s day to get notes. I do make edits for those events too but I'm actually a bisexual woman and not an heterosexual man and I really don’t think he’s doing those edits to show his support to those movements but just to get notes, this year he did the same thing with blm movement I thought it was disrespectful at best, he even made the famous “I we burn you burn with us” gifset  from the movie and no, just stop dude.  Making that gifset of Naya before she was even found was awful, a lot of people are doing gifs to feel better about things but I don’t think it would have came to anybody else mind to have it ready in their draft. It actually make me think of myself because after they died I made a gifset of Carrie Fisher and Stan Lee  and in my head  it was a tribute but now that I think back about it I wouldn’t make gifset when people dies anymore, I said it once again but in my head it was a tribute to those wonderful people life and work.  I did to feel people and myself a little better in those situations but it didn’t makes me feel better. I thought about it even more, especially for Carrie, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Billie and losing my mom is the worst thing that could happen to me. You can say that, at the end, Mike makes me realize something. 

He has been calling out for his behavior but instead of facing it like an adult he just want to take people down instead of him, I'm one of them and I certainly won’t be the only one.  it’s someone who doesn’t know how to face the consequences of his behavior and still think he’s untouchable, me and one of my friend said that he thought he was the king of Tumblr and I sincerely think that in his head he is. 

Sorry for the grammar I'm French and it’s almost 4 am so I'm gonna check the grammar tomorrow. 

[hollyhomburg]

Wrecked (PJM)

Summary: Months after your break up, just before a performance, Jimin finds out that you’re seeing someone new through Instagram. His group mates pick up the pieces after that.

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader

Tags: Breakdowns, Angst, Guilt, Sorta Self-hate, Platonic fluff.

W/C: 1.3k 

A/N: I literally wrote this in one sitting don’t be mad at me. Inspired by jimin’s recent performance in Japan where he didn’t (couldn’t?) finish the last lyric in “the truth untold” on stage and this story sort of jumped out at me.

Jimin’s voice hovers on the last line “and I still-” the crowd roaring around him in a sea of lights, faces of his fans only just in shadow, but he falls short, and can’t make his mouth move even if he wanted to. 

Jimin is taking off towards the dressing room before the others have even left the still hot stage. The lights barely having dimmed. He tosses his jacket into some soon to be forgotten corner of backstage not even caring that it was worth over 15k. His skin hot and body sweaty from the hours of performance, his temperature rising as his hands started to shake. He knew the others weren’t far behind, he didn’t want them to see him like this, didn’t want them to see him explode with anger.  

When he retreats to the safety of the dressing room Jimin curls up, placing his elbows on his knees, laces his fingers through his pink hair and pulls as hard as he can. “Jimin-” Yoongi says from the door before Jimin suddenly straightens from his prostrate stance and swipes his hands across the table, sending glasses, makeup, food, and more than a few phones to the floor in a glorious crash, stomping on his own phone for good measure with the heal of a heavy boot. But it does nothing to sate the vindictive and self-directed anger that rages through Jimin’s chest like a storm. 

He’d had to sing that fucking break up song again, The Truth Untold. The one he’d written with Namjoon just after your break up. At first, his emotions had colored the song a gorgeous lilting experience that made it one of the most popular on the album. But today, today his voice had fallen short, closed up against the syllables at the very end the only part that Jimin had written, one of his only edits that stayed the same through every iteration, every draft. 

He couldn’t even say the words ‘I still want you’ anymore. Couldn’t, because it wasn’t even true. Jimin didn’t want you anymore, the wanting had faded. For the first few months, it was just a want, just a thought. But now all that’s left in his chest is a pure need for you. A need for your warm body pressed against his, arms wrapped around his neck, your kiss at the end of the day, your smile and your laugh and your everything that Jimin was absolutely wrecked over. He needed you. and Didn’t want to need you but his traitorous heart did regardless. And that had him absolutely enraged. 

Namjoon gets his arms around Jimin when he sends everything on the other table crashing to the floor, a lamp knocked over in the corner winking out. Namjoon’s superior strength has always been enough to restrain all of them- even Jungkook. And it's no surprise when he literally throws Jimin onto a couch. He gets right back up and Jungkook’s arms go around him from behind.

 “Calm down!” his leader commands but he can’t follow, can’t even see his face through the haze of red. No, not a haze of red, but tears that won’t stop falling. Jimin’s chest heaves an offal jagged noise somewhere between a sob and a gasp. 

“Where the fuck did this come from Jimin- why the fuck-” 

“-I thought I could handle it hyung, I thought I could handle it if I saw her in someone else’s arms but I can’t.” his tone is broken, heartbreaking, words spat through gritted teeth. 

“Jimin- what are you talking about.” Jimin’s gaze drops to his phone, on the floor, its screen cracked. Namjoon picks it up and it opens straight to the picture the last thing he saw right before he walked on stage. The display still works showing your Instagram account, the latest post a picture of you and another man, your face smiling as your cheek is pillowed against another chest, a man who isn’t Jimin’s chest. 

It’s kind of shocking even to Namjoon to see you with someone other than Jimin. You’d been such an item. It’s hard to believe that either of you could move on after your relationship, so full of passion and romance that even the boys had to restrain their jealousy. But obviously, you already have moved on, despite the fact that Jimin obviously hasn’t. No matter how much he’d pretended otherwise up until his breaking point tonight.  

Namjoon swipes through the pictures, the next one the man preses a kiss to your cheek, just missing the corner of your lip. “She used to hate kisses like that, ones that weren’t on the cheek or the lips- and now she’s with this-this asshole who can’t even kiss her right.” Jimin spits.

Namjoon reads the caption, and Jimin watches him, Jungkook’s still holding him, still watching his hyung like he could get violent again. But all the fight is worn out of Jimin, desolation filling the place where before there’d been fire. Jimin watches Namjoon read the caption. Happy one month to my baby. 

“They’ve been dating for a whole month and I didn’t even know.” Jimin sobs. All this time he was sure one day you’d text him, or try to call him or turn up at the company or something. He was sure you’d want him back and now, all this time that he’d been hoping, you’d been falling for someone else. 

It wasn’t your fault; none of Jimin’s anger was directed at you. Only at himself. He's the one who was stupid enough to pick the world tour over you. He’d been inconsiderate enough to consistently push you out of his life until there wasn’t even space for you to breathe. He didn’t blame you at all for needing more than one or two texts a week.

The only one to blame was Jimin- and he’d let you go without fighting for you at all and now months later all he can wonder is, How the fuck did he not fight for you more? 

“I fucking need her- and she’s in someone else’s arms when she should be in mine. I’m such a fuck up hyung, I couldn’t handle the pressure of someone loving me up close and now-“ Jimin breaks off- but he doesn’t need to continue it. All of the boys know what happened. All of the boys know his next words- and now I have no one to blame but myself. 

Jungkook lets him go, sliding to the floor with jimin in his arms. Jimin’s Hands fixing in his knees Fists tightening. No one tells him that he shouldn’t have taken his anger out on his surroundings. Seokjin is still at the door, keeping the staff away, giving them some privacy. But he can hear the murmur of their voices. Their manager pushes through and Seokjin lets him pass. He surveys the devastation Jimin left with an air more similar to curiosity rather than anger. 

Jimin sobs in Jungkook’s arms, Namjoon sinks to their level after a moment before he wraps his dongsaengs in a crushing hug, his hands tightening in the back of Jimin’s shirt. 

Wordlessly, the boys help him clean up, and when one of the makeup noonas finally strong-arms her way in, sees Jimin’s puffy face and all her shattered makeup bottles he apologizes profusely and says he’ll replace them. Yoongi’s already ordering replacements on his phone as Hoseok sweeps up the glass from the broken light bulb. He knows they all have doubles and spares anyway just in case.

Eventually, he sits up at the couch, Jungkook lets him go, leaving him to wipe away the salt from his face with the back of his hand. Taehyung comes and sits by him and Jimin lets him tilt his face up so that he can see his eyes, one of Tae’s large hands pushes back his bangs as he uses a makeup wipe to clean off Jimin’s smudged makeup, the cool aloe Vera jell a balm against his irritated eyes. 

“Need to clean you up,” Taehyung says, voice rough from singing half the night, his expression so concerned, even though Jimin knows he doesn't deserve it, his group has always been good at taking care of one another. Jimin sniffs up at him, not even having to ask why, before Taehyung responds to his unspoken question “Can’t have you looking like that. You’ll never win her back if you look like a wreck.” 

[beaubatns]

–––– song prompts

here is a list of twenty-five of my favourite songs that i think can turn into exciting stories or plot lines. please tag me if you do any of this, because i would like to see your take on the these songs! there are two ways that you can do this; you can simply base your story off the whole song, or just the snippet of the lyrics that i put in this post. have fun!

edit: i put the jonas brothers’ lyric on sam smith’s leave your lover, but it is now corrected!

while we’re young by jhene aiko

–––– baby, while we’re young, i think we should do something crazy. like say ‘fuck everyone’ and just run away from the daily routine. i’m telling everybody you’re mine and i like it, and i really hope you don’t mind, i can’t fight it. you know i cannot hide it ‘cause i am so excited that i finally decided on you. ‘cause it’s been another perfect day with you, wanna lay with you, spend the night with you, then spend my life with you, alright. baby while we're young we should just have fun; we should just do whatever we want and tell everyone that we fell in love with each other, that we found the one in one another.

like a star by corinne bailey rae

–––– just like a star across my sky, just like an angel off the page, you have appeared to my life, feel like i'll never be the same. just like a song in my heart, just like oil on my hands, oh, i do love you. still, wonder why it is; i don't argue like this with anyone but you. we do it all the time, blowing out my mind.

capital letters by hailee steinfeld

–––– but then there was you, yeah, then there was you, pull me out of the crowd, you were telling the truth. i got something to say now, ‘cause you tell me that there's no way i couldn't go, nothing i couldn't do. i want to get louder, i got to get louder. we 'bout to go up baby, up we go, we 'bout to go up baby, up we go. we're blowing out speakers, our heart a little clearer. we 'bout to go up baby, up we go, we 'bout to go up baby, up we go. for worse or for better, gonna give it to you in capital letters.

all the way by frank sinatra

–––– when somebody loves you, it's no good unless he loves you, all the way. happy to be near you when you need someone to cheer you, all the way. taller than the tallest tree is, that's how it's got to feel. deeper than the deep blue see is, that's how deep it goes, if it's real.

the way you look tonight by frank sinatra

–––– some day, when i'm awfully low, when the world is cold; i will feel a glow just thinking of you and the way you look tonight. yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft; there is nothing for me but to love you and the way you look tonight.

easy by mac ayres

–––– feeling like i'm runnin' away. never had the chance, chance to say: i can say that loving you is easy, i don't need to prove a single thing. somewhere along the way i guess you got under my skin. i put all my cards out on the table, you ain't ever gonna show your hand. iwould rather hold you close than try to understand.

day 1 by honne

–––– you'll always be my day one, day zero when i was no one. i’m nothing by myself, you and no one else; thankful you're my day one. i got lucky finding you, i won big the day that i came across you. ‘cause when you're with me, i don't feel blue. not a day goes by that i would not redo. everybody wants to love, it's easy when you try hard enough.

so close by jon mclaughlin (enchanted soundtrack)

–––– you're in my arms and all the world is calm; the music playing on for only two. so close together and when i'm with you, so close to feeling alive. so close to reaching that famous happy end. almost believing this one's not pretend. and now you're beside me, and look how far we've come. so far we are, so close.

i like me better by lauv

–––– to be young and in love in new york city. to not know who i am but still know that i'm good long as you're here with me. to be drunk and in love in new york city; midnight into morning coffee, burning through the hours talking. damn, i like me better when i'm with you. i knew from the first time, i'd stay for a long time 'cause i like me better when i'm with you.

paris in the rain by lauv

–––– all i know is, we could go anywhere, we could do anything, girl, whatever the mood we're in. yeah all I know is getting lost late at night, under stars, finding love standing right where we are, your lips, they pull me in the moment; you and i alone and people may be watching, i don't mind 'cause anywhere with you feels right, anywhere with you feels like paris in the rain. we don't need a fancy town or bottles that we can't pronounce, ‘cause anywhere, babe, is like paris in the rain when i'm with you.

tightrope by michelle williams (the greatest showman soundtrack)

–––– some people long for a life that is simple and planned, tied with a ribbon. some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land to follow what's written; but i'd follow you to the great unknown, off to a world we call our own. hand in my hand and we promised to never let go, we're walking the tightrope; high in the sky, we can see the whole world down below, we're walking the tightrope. never sure, never know how far we could fall. but it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view: walking the tightrope with you.

rewrite the stars by zac efron and zendaya (the greatest showman soundtrack)

–––– you know i want you, it's not a secret i try to hide. i know you want me, so don't keep saying our hands are tied. you claim it's not in the cards; that fate is pulling you miles away and out of reach from me. but you're here in my heart, so who can stop me if I decide that you're my destiny? what if we rewrite the stars? say you were made to be mine. nothing could keep us apart, you'd be the one i was meant to find. it's up to you, and it's up to me, no one can say what we get to be. so why don't we rewrite the stars? maybe the world could be ours tonight.

when you look me in the eyes by jonas brothers

–––– if the heart is always searching, can you ever find a home? i’ve been looking for that someone, i'll never make it on my own. dreams can't take the place of loving you. there's gotta be a million reasons why it's true. when you look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me, everything's alright, when you're right here by my side. when you look me in the eyes, i catch a glimpse of heaven. i find my paradise when you look me in the eyes.

can i be him by james arthur

–––– you walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen. you took me back in time to when i was unbroken. now you're all i want and i knew it from the very first moment, 'cause a light came on when i heard that song and i want you to sing it again. i swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me, like it was a private show, i know you never saw me. when the lights come on and i'm on my own, will you be there to sing it again? could i be the one you talk about in all your stories. can I be him?

so this is love by irene woods and mike douglas (cinderella soundtrack)

–––– so this is love, so this is love. so this is what makes life divine. i’m all aglow, and now i know, the key to all heaven is mine. my heart has wings and i can fly; i’ll touch every star in the sky. so this is the miracle that i’ve been dreaming of. so this is love.

right here, right now by zac efron and vanessa hudgens (high school musical soundtrack)

–––– can you imagine what would happen if we could have any dream? i’d wish this moment was ours to own it and that it would never leave. then i would thank that star that made our wish come true, ‘cause he knows that where you are is where i should be too. right here, right now, i'm looking at you and my heart loves the view, ‘cause you mean everything. right here, i'll promise you, somehow, that tomorrow can wait for some other day to be. but right now, there’s you and me.

the last time by eric benet

–––– the first time i fell in love was long ago. i didn't know how to give my love at all. the next time i settled for what felt so close; but without romance, you're never gonna fall. after everything i've learned, now it's finally my turn. this is the last time i'll fall, in love.

a love that will last by renee olstead (the princess diaries 2 soundtrack)

–––– i want a little something more. don't want the middle or the one before. i don't desire a complicated past. i want a love that will last. say that you love me, say I'm the one; don't kiss and hug me and then try to run. i don't do drama, my tears don't fall fast. i want a love that will last. i don't want a just a memory, give me forever. don't even think about saying goodbye 'cause i want just one love to be enough and remain in my heart till i die.

1000 years by kt tunstall and bleu (tinker bell and the neverbeast soundtrack)

–––– a thousand years is a long long time, even for a star up in the sky. i could count the tears and the long long nights, but i'd rather just remember how you smile. in a thousand years, i know that our love will still be here. so close your eyes, my dear, knowing that our love is going to last one thousand years.

can’t sleep love by pentatonix

–––– tell me, am i going crazy? tell me have i lost my mind? am i just afraid of loving, or am i not the loving kind? kissing in the moonlight, movies on a late night, getting old. i've been there, done that; supposed to be hot, but it's just cold. somebody wake up my heart, light me up, set fire to my soul. 'cause i can't do it anymore. give me that can’t sleep love. i want that can't sleep love; the kind i dream about all day, the kind that keeps me up all night. give me that can't sleep love.

once upon a dream by mary costa and bill shirley (sleeping beauty soundtrack)

–––– i know you, i walked with you once upon a dream. i know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. yet i know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem, but if i know you, i know what you’ll do. you’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.

leave your lover by sam smith

–––– i don't have much to give, but i don't care for gold. what use is money, when you need someone to hold? don't have direction, i'm just rolling down this road, waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold. you'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name. pack up and leave everything, don't you see what i can bring? can't keep this beating heart at bay. set my midnight sorrow free, i will give you all of me. just leave your lover, leave him for me.

get here by oleta adams

–––– you can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway. you can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind. you can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an arab man. i don't care how you get here, just get here if you can. you can reach me by sailboat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope. take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine. you can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope. i don't care how you get here, just get here if you can. there are hills and mountains between us; always something to get over. if i had my way, surely you would be closer. i need you closer.

[tonya-the-chicken]

Ok, someone (@gucciasswitch ) dared me to do whole list and who am I to resist

1. What was your first OTP? 

Probably Royai. FullMetal Alchemist was my first anime I watched on TV and I immediately fell in love with relationships between Riza and Roy. I used to fantasize about them all the time. I still do love them.

Also I remember I wanted Zuko to end up with Katara

2. What is your current OTP?

Definitely EnjiRei. I think about them and their family all the time. That's just what I do when I ship - I maladaptive daydream. What I like about them is ice and fire aesthetics is how fucked up everything is but Rei still somehow can forgive him or at least try to? He somehow remember her favourite things? I want to know more about them. Like, how exactly Enji found her? What happened to Touya?

I also like BakuCamie, ShinTsuyu, ZenNezu, still Royai, Huwumi, Natsuo x his girlfriend, maybe MomoIida, Jeankasa, Sabigiuy, Levihan, Miritama, Levifar

3. Do you have any OT3/OT+ ships? What are your favorites?

Mmmmmm, probably no. Though, I once saw OchaTodoDeku and it looks wholesome

4. What is/are your favorite trope(s)?

Tropes, tropes... I like what is called "unsexy erotica" by some author on ao3. Like, when characters are processing their feelings and it's the end it's not really sexy though it still somehow amazes me. It's not really a trope though, I saw only one fanfic with that.

I love redemption arcs made well, bad people turning good and having the love no one ever gave them before (duh)

5. What is/are your least favorite trope(s)?

Definitely soulmates au, it makes me cringe somehow. Or is it not a trope? Whatever

6. Do you have a certain kind of ship you’re more attracted to?

I often ship canon ships. Also for whatever reason I enjoy different-sex couples more often. Also if I see a person with fire powers I'll connect the dots them with someone with water/ice, it's just math... Jk... Unless

7. Are most of your ships “pure” or “problematic”?

Actually, they are mostly pure. But also I ship EnjiRei and someone gonna send me anon hate for this, ehhh

8. Who is the most shippable person you can think of?

Objectively it will be the main character of any series cause they have the most interactions. For me personally it's Enji cause I love him right now and I like to explore his relationship with everyone, like, I can occasionally ship him with Hawks, All Might, Burnin', Rei and some OCs

9. Are there any fandoms you don’t have any ships for?

The ones I am not in, duh. Actually, I am not really active shipper... In one punch man I don't ship anyone? But it's not like I am really in fandom khkhkh

10. Do characters have to have canon interactions for you to ship them?

Yeah, if it's not ship with OC (obviously). There can be exceptions like hetalia cause characters are basically countries

11. What makes a great ship in your own opinion?

Logic and some shared life philosophy/goal/struggles. Or just deep feeling and will to understand one another. Dunno

12. What drives you away from a ship?

If I don't understand why, basically. Also any mentor x student relationships are very big no-no for me. I don't like this power dynamic when one person is doomed to see another as they are above them. And also incest is nah

13. Is there anything you ship but refuse to interact with the community for?

Probably EnjiRei? I am kinda scared cause I don't want people to treat me badly based on that, ya know? Actually, I am trying to be more open about it cause fuck society, I am tired of your shit

14. Has a fanbase ever made you ship or not ship something? Why?

I stopped shipping eruri cause I got very fed up with fans being nasty, I guess. Like, they always tried to prove that it is canon and I just got tried and switched to levihan?.. Also I probably started to ship huwumi because of fanbase. I just never thought of the ship. But the most important deed is that fanbase brought me Dabi is Touya theory. Thank you, strangers on youtube

15. Do you like/participate in ship wars? Why or why not?

Define "ship war"? I sometimes enjoy observing people arguing but mostly I am annoyed when someone shit on character or ship. So sometimes I guess I can write something like "bitch can you stop" but usually I try to stay out of it. I guess I am pro-shiping and anti anti most of the time

16. Are there any ships you just can’t/don’t understand? What are they?

Ereri, Dekumight, RoyEd... Do you see the pattern? I highly dislike mentor x student ships. Also incest ships are no-no even if everyone is an adult for a simple reason - I actually have brothers and this shit creeps me out

17. Are there any popular ships that you just don’t like? What are they?

Ereri. It's the only banned tag I have (edit: not anymore, I am trying to ban enji antis). Also probably RoyEd but FMA fandom is not really active or I am not really into it

18. What is your favorite unpopular ship?

EnjiRei........

19. Do you prefer fluff, angst, or smut for your ships? 

It depends. I mostly don't like smut just for smut but if there's some feelings and processing of them, ya know... Angst goes well with everything though I recently found out I kinda dislike seeing violence and suffering in fanart... I actually like comedy more than pure fluff, I am kinda Mr Nighteye and believe in power of humor

20. Do you prefer bigger fanbases or smaller ones?

Bigger ones cause bigger fanbase = more content to CONSUME

21. Have you ever received hate for a ship you liked? 

The most close thing to hate I received was this: https://tonya-the-chicken.tumblr.com/post/189156146100/you-ship-enjirei-and-call-urself-a-feminist

Nothing more probably...

22. Do you have any ships that you ship, but would never want to see as canon?

I think no. I am quite ok with any of my ships becoming canon

23. Have you ever had a ship become canon, but you didn’t like how it was portrayed?

Nah... Though it still can happen since many of my fandoms have actively running mangas/animes

24. What is your favorite canon ship?

Define "canon ship"? Probably Royai

25. What are your favorite ships from a dead fandom?

Sweden x Ukraine from Hetalia. I used to ship ot hard XD I had a whole blog dedicated to it! I just don't know dead fandoms, ok

26. What are your favorite shipping scenes?

Nothing in particular but when a characters does something stupid/risk his life to save/help their love interest. Like, when Zenitsu wet to spiders forest to save Nezuko... Or when Jean saved Mikasa from titan.

27. What are your views on reader x canon ships?

You do you, I guess, but my opinion is NO

28. What is your best shipping advice?

Have fun yourself and don't ruin it for others. You are free to block anyone and anything, it doesn't make you a bad person. And also try to think critically about views shared on social networks, like, not everything in true.

I'll also add here about media affecting reality: aS A fuTuRE PSyChoLoGisT I can say that YES, THEY DO AFFECT EACH OTHER. But often Internet can't get all the nuances and ends up censoring everything. In university we had an assignment where we analyzed modern media. And TV news collected around 30 media risks meaning that materials can affect (usually child's) brain in negative way. What now, are we supposed to not show violence and war? "Destroy everything that can traumatize a child" is a bad solution because of many reasons. Kids are not supposed to read 18+ content, kids are not supposed to spend time on Internet without parental control, kids are not supposed to watch a lot of stuff without an adult's presence. But they do and it's not fault of people who create 18+ / "problematic" content.

29. Do you like OCs (Original Characters)?

Yes, I do, if it's not self-insert OC, you know? I have some myself but usually not for shipping

30. What are some of your favorite shipping blogs?

What is shipping blog?.. Ok, I guess that people who post about ship or what??? Eh...

I'll recommend you to just look up blogs I follow, whatever, I'm tired

[justanearth-boundmisfit]

THE POSITIVE POLICE SEEM TO THINK THAT IF YOU TAG TPTB WITH COMPLIMENTS, SURELY THEY WILL SEE HOW NICE TFW FANS ARE AND THEY WILL LOVE THEM MORE THAN BRONLIES. I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE SO DUMB; TPTB TAKE THEIR COMPLIMENTS AND THEN SPEND EVERY PR WORD TALKING ABOUT THE BROTHERS AND THE SHOW FOLLOWS. (1/3)

Hi anon! Yeah I agree with everything. And I think this is not only positivity police fault but fandom in general too. Going to go point by point:

under the cut because LONG

Tagging TPTB: dabb’s metas and positivity police are stupid af, but above all are hypocrites that only want attention from some blue checks in twitter and, in some cases, are so full of themselves (and their titles lmao!), that they need TPTB “approval” to say: see? I was right!. All in all, just plain bs, that they believe because some of them were inserted by TPTB themselves, and others are too dumb to notice and HAVE to follow. I always said that Dabb’s biggest success was his metas writing the story for him and continue to bait people when the show doesn’t deliver what the fans really want. BUT fandom played a big part of letting their discourses go so far. And I’m sorry if I’m hurting someone here, but it’s the last season and I’m SO fucking done, that I’m not going to shut up now when I have been calling their bs for years. (More about fandom’s fault later).

Old metas posts: LMAO Anon! I so wish I have the patience and the stomach to read these metas and to call out their shit post by post! They NEVER made sense, and yet people believe them, follow them, eat their crumbs. They played a HUGE part in Cas being sidelined, by telling fandom that it was ok for Cas not to be there, for Cas to die so Dean could express his man!pain. They laughed and cheered when Cas got a blade through his chest. The said that THAT was going to make destiel canon, cure Cas of his depression… meanwhile Misha didn’t even know if he was going to return to the show…But sure their big endgame! was going on towards big canon destiel in season 13! Again fandom and, above all shippers (sorry shippers but this is true) ate it, and continued watching the show, supporting the idea that Castiel not being there was great. What a win right? How did THAT go for Cas and Misha? And I’m just talking about ONE story arc, don’t make me talk about how they said that Cas’ hair was the proof of how he was “cured of his depression U.U”. So.much.bullshit! But again fandom ate it and asked for more. 

The role of Cas in season 15 and beyond the end: everyone, except dabb, J2 and bobo, is going to be at fault for two things: destiel not going canon, and the lack of Castiel in the last season. These metas are capable of anything to get a win, no matter what, no matter if they are right or not. In fact some of them are saying that destiel is already canon, and that people not seeing it are idiots that don’t get the narrative!, that can’t understand canon, that are too bitter to see how great bobo queer coded destiel because big bad Pedowitz didn’t want it to happen!. We are going to enter the twilight zone territory after spn ends, it’s not going to be pretty, but they are NOT going to give up either. This is denial to the max, and in the process the gaslighting of fandom is going to get bigger than ever. The next months are going to get hard to pass, and they are going to be the center of the fandom. And speaking about fandom…

Fandom/shippers and the meta crumbs eating: sorry not sorry, but fandom, like I said played a HUGE part in giving these metas the space to thrive and to push their idiotic discourse everywhere. To say now “not all shippers” is a little dumb, because the majority of destiel shippers that saw the writing on the wall and what these metas were all about, either left fandom, jumped ships, or are not in denial anymore. The ones who remain, yeah I can point out some good peeps, but almost all of destiel shippers ate and eat the crumbs dabb, bobo and the metas give them. And, imo, this is in part, why Cas was put aside with an almost non-existent story line. They tried SO HARD to fire Misha, to push him aside, to kill Cas, to bury him, but in the end he is so fucking popular that even though they tried to replace him with a younger look-alike, they had to bring him back for season 13. BUT they took the opportunity, and they almost made him disappear form core story line (looking at you ep 300). Dabb and co. know they can’t just fire Misha, but if fandom is bent on keep eating the destiel crumbs, to the point of being ok with not having him on screen, then… it’s a win-win situation for them. On one hand they keep creating drama to bait shippers (you’re dead to me), while killing destiel, while sidelining Castiel. What a great and amazing thing fandom achieved! *clapping* And I KNOW, I know people want to believe, but they just put destiel first, and fuck everything else including Castiel and Misha. 

Again sorry not sorry for saying all of this, I know some of you LOVE Cas deeply. but I have seen and read how they prefer destiel to go canon above everything else. People can’t separate Cas from Dean. Dean? oh! he can say Cas is dead to him, he can fuck 43 waitresses in a season, but Cas? Cas has to be always there for him, even if he is dead. And that’s the thing right? even if Cas is dead, destiel becomes canon because he lives forever in Dean’s memories. And that’s the bs the metas are going to pull if it comes to that, and that is going to be accepted by fandom, but especially shippers. Like I always say: fandom gets mad in hiatus, keeps eating the crumbs and clapping when the show comes back. 

It is what it is. I’m just glad af that this is the final season.

Ok this got long AF, but as usual I have no filter or edits skills, my titles are non existent and that’s why I’m a bitter Cas fan that is always going to love him just for being him, and thanks to Misha’s acting. 

Take care anon.

[a-damson-in-distress]

From Dusk Till Dawn - Chapter 5

Pairing: MadaSaku

Plot: Sakura was searching for a purpose. Madara was thirsting for revenge. Little do they know their fates intertwined centuries ago. Once he broke free from his banishment, he would usher in a new dusk. Until he realised that she was his dawn. Historical/mythological AU.

Note: Salutations, my lovelies. I’m back from the dead. So I know most of you will have probably forgotten this fic even exists (hell, even I forgot lol), but guess what - IT’S BACK BITCHES! I honestly have no idea what came over me today, but somehow I got reminded of this blog and the fics I started here, so I decided to dig it up out of the depths of my browser history, and you know what? I totally forgot how much fun I had writing these and that daaaaaaamn I had some good stories going on, which were in desperate need of updating, if only to ease my guilty conscience. 

Speaking of which, I honestly have no excuses for going AWOL for so long. I know some of you may have been bummed, because I think this fic did have a teeny tiny bit of a following, but honestly guys, this writing blog was only one of my many hobbies and it was never meant to take up too much of my time. It was one of these things I occasionaly devote my time to, but that was always doomed to be second place to my life/relationship/university responsibilites. But on the bright side, I did finally get my Bachelor’s degree, whoooo! Buuuuuuuut I am still at uni doing my Master’s, sooooo ya know - still not going to be a regular thing here. 

Anyways, TL;DR: I wanted to update this little nugget here out of pure nostalgia and curiosity to see how many of you will still remember the story, to see how many will appreciate and like this update and depending on your reaction, I might actually take up writing again. Goodie, I’m excited to be back. Have fun! :)

Oh also, please check out the first 4 chapters before reading this one, since - you know - I let so much dust settle on this story none of y’all will probably know what’s going on. 

EDIT: I had to delete the links to the first 4 chapters, because this chapter wasn’t showing up under the madasaku tag or any of the other tags, but as soon as I deleted the links it did? Soooo yeah whatever, fuck you Tumblr links. You’re gonna have to scroll through my blog to get to the other chapters, I’m sorry. I’ll figure out a way to post all of it in one piece, promise. Have fun and let me know what you think! :)

500 years ago…

The heavens stood still.

Silence.

Death.

Victory.

Tsunade watched a tired Jiraiya fall to his knees and let out a pained groan. Allowing a nervous sigh to escape her lips, she closed her eyes.

They did it. They finally did it. After decades of warfare, bloodshed, and carnage, they finally managed to seal away the bane of their existence.

The last of the dusk gods had fallen.

Opening her eyes again, she let her tired gaze wander across the scene of their final battle. Slain gods lay scattered across the barren field, the ashen ground beneath them stained in the colour of their blood.  Giant craters burning with the dreaded flames of the underworld tore through the otherwise idyllic scenery of the heavens like wounds from blade. The black flames of the dusk god’s feared Amaterasu eating up what little was left of the trees that once made this surrounding a forest.

It matters not, she kept telling herself. He is gone. And the dawn gods shall rebuild.

Just as Tsunade was about to join Jiraiya to take a look at his wounds, an ear-piercing screeching tore through her head, forcing her to her knees. Barely managing to open her eyes against the penetrating pain in her mind, she watched the other surviving gods around her writhe and hold their heads in agony.

All of a sudden, the screeching ebbed, giving way to a low hissing sound before a mysterious voice whispered into all of their ears:

At the fall of dusk, at the fall of old, spring shall bring forth his keeper,

who will call to him until his return at the night the darkness swallows the heavens.

Young and weak, the Eastern light shall seek out the old power in the West,

who will envelop her in darkness to unleash their true might.

Dawn will be his light, and dusk shall return.

It was only when the throbbing pain in her head finally dissipated that Tsunade dared to look up. The remaining gods looked at each other questioningly.

They were familiar with this pain, with this feeling. The hissing voice in their head. The dawn gods all knew what this was.

A prophecy. Foreshadowing the return of Madara.

The survivors did what they could to tend to the wounded on the battlefield. When no one else could be saved, the gods set them aflame and watched their bodies dissipate into golden dust, releasing their divine essence into the vast expanse of the universe, praying for them to be reborn again. Then, they retreated to their respective homes – or what was left of them – to lick their wounds, celebrate their survival, and grieve the death of the fallen.

Tsunade felt a heavy sadness weighing down her heart that night. Despite their unimaginable victory over the mightiest god to ever grace the face of the heavens, they had lost so many. She knew more peaceful times lay ahead of them now, and yet she felt restless. It had been ages since the universe had whispered a prophecy into their ears. And this one was particularly unsettling.

Dusk shall return.

But they sealed him, Tsunade reminded herself. And with one of Hashirama’s seals, no less. She was the one who studied the dusk god’s inscriptions, who knew his incantations like the back of her hand. She was certain Hashirama’s seal would be enough to imprison Madara for the rest of his miserable days.

And yet, mere minutes after the dawn gods managed the unthinkable and sealed away the last dusk god, the universe decided to warn them of his return. And prophecies always came true, the dawn goddess knew that much.

Not only that, but the prophecy also spoke of some Eastern light, who would supposedly help him unleash his true might. A cold shiver ran down Tsunade’s spine at the thought of Madara teaming up with such a force of nature that will grant him even more fearsome powers than he already had.

Yet the goddess of healing had no time to dwell on her worrisome thoughts, as her mind picked up the desperate prayer of a mortal couple. Never one to abandon the ones in need, the blonde goddess raced down into the mortal realm and materialised unseen in the living room of a small hut. She watched the couple on their knees, huddled together in front of the fire. They were rocking back and forth, with the woman holding a small bundle in her arms and the man raising one arm pleadingly into the air, calling out to the goddess of healing to save this poor baby.

This baby? Is that not their own child, Tsunade thought suspiciously. Babies do not just fall from the heavens.

Taking one step closer to the fire, the goddess suddenly felt a divine glow emanating from the bundle in the woman’s arms. Tsunade would recognise that anywhere – the essence of the gods. This was indeed not the mortal couple’s child, but a newborn of the dawn gods.

Still hidden from the mortal’s view, she leaned down and caught a glimpse of pink hair and emerald green eyes, staring knowingly, yet tiredly at her. As Tsunade stretched out a hand towards the babe to check its body temperature, a tiny chubby fist suddenly enclosed her index finger. This little touch was enough to flood the goddess with a feeling of warm motherly love.

Tsunade knew in that instant that this deity shall be hers to raise, care for, and love.

With her divine power, she mentally reached out to the mortals and willed them to lay the small bundle on the floor by the fire. She watched them carefully lower the baby and step back from the fire, worriedly glancing around the living room and waiting for something to happen.

In the blink of an eye, the small bundle was gone. The couple sighed in relief and fell into each other’s arms, knowing their beloved goddess of healing would take care of that weak little girl.

“Do you really think that was a wise choice?”

Tsunade ignored Jiraiya’s incessant nagging and kept bouncing the little babe on her arm. Immediately after taking the young goddess from the mortal’s hut, she returned home to her half-standing palace in the East, where some of the surviving gods have retreated to recuperate. One of them being Kakashi, the feared god of lightning, who was pinning her with a scrutinising gaze.

“Jiraiya’s right, you know. Tonight, of all nights, with this new prophecy looming above our heads… Have you even thought for a second that she could be this Eastern light, his keeper that was prophesised?”

Tsunade scoffed and shot him a challenging glare. “Please, Kakashi, don’t be paranoid. It was just one of the millions of prayers I receive every day. Only this time, it happened to involve a newly born dawn goddess, instead of a weak mortal. Just because she is one of us, does not mean she is tied to the prophecy. In fact, we should be thankful our pantheon is growing again after we lost so many.”

“The prophecy clearly said that at the fall of dusk some kind of keeper will emerge who is destined to help Madara unleash his full power upon the heavens. The fall of dusk was tonight, and after decades of no new deities, tonight is the night the universe decides to give us a new goddess, during spring no less? Coincidences like these might happen to the mortals but not in the heavens,” Shikamaru grumbled before taking a well-deserved puff from his ivory kiseru.

Rolling her eyes at the god of wisdom and strategy, Tsunade switched the little bundle to her other arm and kept bouncing her up and down, before she said, “What you all fail to see is that she cannot be the Easter light from the prophecy, since I found her in a mortal village in the middle of nowhere, not even remotely close to anywhere East. And don’t you think that if such a powerful force destined to be tied to Madara emerged that we would not have felt its birth? Elemental abnormalities, time standing still, earthquakes – anything that might indicate a new divine force has emerged. But there was absolutely nothing when this little goddess here was born. In fact, she is so tiny and weak, I honestly doubt that she will have a purpose grander than making flowers grow, that’s how harmless she is.”

Tsunade saw the uncertain faces around her, their doubtful gazes boring into her determination to keep the babe. She had to convince them, somehow. She could not just leave a part of her divine family, especially now that her kin was nearly wiped out. As soon as the young goddess had touched her, Tsunade felt responsible for her. She had to ignore the nagging feeling at the back of her head screaming at her to listen to the prophecy.

Yes, there were too many coincidences, Tsunade had to admit that herself. The prophecy clearly talks of a female, emerging during this particular night, during spring. All of which applied to the little dawn goddess in her arms.

But there was no way she could be the Eastern light; the goddess was not tied to any particular region. And Tsunade could not – for the life of her – imagine this tiny, frail little thing would be capable of stoking the fire of Madara’s wrath to the point that she would be the one to unleash his true might.

Shaking away her doubts, Tsunade gazed into the tired emeralds of the little girl in her arms. A smile spread across her lips when the tiny goddess snuggled closer to her chest.

There was absolutely no way she would abandon this little thing, not now after she lost so many of her family.

Raising her head, she shot a determined glance at all of the surviving deities in her presence and exclaimed, “I will not resign this precious goddess to a prophecy we have not even fully deciphered yet. None of us know what half of that steaming pile of donkey dung even means, so nobody is going to determine her fate based on any of that. Besides, even if she really is this keeper of his, this way we can at least raise her on our side. Teach her our story, our ways, our kindness. She will never be corrupted by him if we have the power to tell her the things we want her know. If he really does come back and they really do cross paths, there is no way she will choose him. I will tie her to me as tightly as she tied me to her.”

Lowering her caramel eyes, she cast a loving glance at the newest addition to her family and whispered softly, “I will protect my daughter from him. No matter what.”

Went to him… willingly … kidnapped … she chose him … sacrifice …

Sakura’s muddled mind started picking up fragments of speech as she slowly started to wake from her slumber. Forcing her weak body to sit up, she cast a disoriented glance around her only to find herself in her chambers at her mother’s palace.

All of a sudden, memories started flooding her mind and she felt her heart rate pick up.

Madara.

She finally met him. She was in his palace. She was so close to getting some answers. A blush crept up her neck at the thought of his calloused fingers holding her chin in place as he was leaning closer to her, before… Before the dawn gods laid siege to his palace to take her away from him.

Wait, from him? Where did that thought come from? Since when did Sakura think she belonged by his side? She had only known him for a few moments and from what she had seen on the battlefields, he was not a god whose company she should be yearning for. And yet, she had never felt so strong, so alive as when being close to him.

And now that they were separated, her old familiar frailty had returned as well.

The young dawn goddess could feel frustration bubble up inside her. Rarely did she get mad at something or someone, but her constant state of weakness had been a source of anger for all of her short life. And the one being who could rectify that just had to be her mother’s mortal enemy and the one who had been waging war against her kin for the last weeks.  

Sakura felt like throwing something against the wall. Alas, all the smashable things in her room were solid gold or heavy ivory, all of which was too difficult for her to even pick up now. In Madara’s presence, however, she felt like she could carry the entire heavens on her shoulders.

Her depressing thoughts were interrupted when she felt the voices on the other side of her door grow louder.

“Look what Tsunade’s tying down has brought us. She went to him, willingly. All that keeping her close was for nothing!”

“She is so weak, she cannot even open doors without struggling, and you really think she made that trip all the way to the Western end of the heavens on her own? He clearly kidnapped her. We are lucky he left her alive for whatever reason.”

“Then tell me why she was reaching out to him when I-“

The angry voices were silenced when her mother suddenly burst through the doors and stomped into her room, glowering at Sakura with a furious expression.

“What in the heavens were you thinking?!”

[sophoreads]

Annotation notes for Wicked Saints

Attached under the cut are my word-for-word annotation notes pulled straight from my copy of Wicked Saints. Check out my previous post and goodreads review before reading the annotation notes.

I only decided to start annotating this book 115 pages in, because I realized that there were so many problems I was complaining about to my friend Sophie over text that I thought “Hey, I’d better write this shit down so I have receipts/can easily reference my thoughts.” I’d never really done annotations before, so I pulled out a new pack of sticky notes and color tabs that someone gave to me for free when I was in college and got to work. I ran out of sticky notes (started a new pad) and yellow tabs (borrowed last few from a weird tab/highlighter I found at the bottom of my college study stuff bin). I also got so frustrated I had to put the book down several times, because I’d paid eighteen dollars to pre-order this fucking garbage.

Pg 115 Pink tab – Character note --Bitch do you want to kill him or not? This is like bad Reylo fic— (Nadya being ~~inexplicably~~ held back from killing Mal, because she really wants to kill Mal, but just CANT for SOME REASON)

pg 123 Yellow tab – writing/literacy/grammar note --no note written— “He braced himself for the inevitable summons from his father. It arrived immediately by way of servant wearing a plain brown mask that left only his eyes visible. One of his father’s personal servants.”

Pg 137 Yellow tab – writing/literacy/grammar note --WTF is “it commanded attention”?! This whole throne bit is needlessly over-explanatory and could be fixed by adhering to golden rule “show, don’t tell”—

pg 139 Yellow tab --you don’t have to repeat the same thing twice!— “…Serefin paused, swallowing down the anxiety threatening to choke him. He was suddenly unspeakably nervous.”

Pg 140 Yellow tab --you just said they didn’t know who it was and now, not even a page later, you’re literally describing Mal and saying you DO know who it was?! WHO TF EDITED THIS SHIT— (Izak telling Serefin that they don’t know the vulture who escaped, then the vulture lurking behind him describing the backstory of the vulture who escaped)

pg 145 pink tab --what, is she Canadian now?— “You’ve realized your father isn’t so good a father to you, eh?” she [Pelayega] asked.

Pg 146 Yellow tab --For all that Duncan over-explains things in this story I still don’t fucking understand the High/Low prince thing??? Not once has she gone into it. And what the fuck is a slavhka?— (in reference to the first mention of there being “low princes”)

pg 148 Blue tab – Plot note --Why is the church still standing they LITERALLY TORE IT DOWN! THIS PART OF IT COLLAPSED!!!— (in reference to parijahan lying on top of pillows in the church Mal and Nadya just destroyed to get rid of the Vultures)

pg 153 Yellow tab --Are we really still saying “invalid” in the year of our unbridled insanity 2019?— “…Your mother, Estera, is an invalid…” (Mal making up a fake background for Nadya)

pg 153 Blue tab --SINCE WHEN DOES HE HAVE TATTOOS ON HIS HANDS— (in reference to the very first mention of Mal having tattoos on his hands, 153 pages into the story)

pg 155 Pink tab --Anna is so flat a character she could be removed from the whole book and not one thing would change— (in reference to Anna deciding to leave the group to re-join Kalyazi forces. I hold by this statement because Anna had no fucking role in the end of the book, and was therefore a useless character throughout)

pg 157 Pink tab --I’m sorry are we ETHNIC CLEANSING?! IS THIS WHAT WE ARE ENDORSING?! WTF?— “…then we can cleanse Kalyazin of the heretics entirely”

pg 163 Blue tab --this is the first we are hearing about any hierarchy in the vultures, which we should have read many chapters ago, not just when convenient for the author/plot— (in reference to first mention of Crimson Vulture)

pg 164 Yellow tab/Blue tab (overlapping domains) --Inches? FRACTIONS? IN THIS ECONOMY?!— (what is math in medieval Poland)

pg 167 Yellow tab --Still have not defined nobility and what makes a family “noble” or slavhka or whatever “low prince/royalty” or some shit— (In reference to yet another mention of low princes/royalty and somehow differentiating them from slavhka)

pg 168 Blue tab --I am more interested in gay Romeo/Juliet in a blood mage society than I am the entire plot of Wicked Saints— --Also this interaction feels cringey and thrown in for…no real reason?— “You’ve missed so much! Did you know that Nikodem Stachowicz was caught in the palace archives with the youngest Osadik boy?” (Zaneta)

pg 170 Yellow tab --FIRE YOUR COPY EDITOR— He shrugged, burying his tattooed hands in his pockets. “It binds over time, magic does. Especially blood magic. It’s so accessible. You don’t have to have a true affinity for it…” (Mostly I got furious over the fact that we’re only just getting Mal’s tattoo hands, which was obviously written in as an afterthought for his character partway through the writing process and not retconned into the story. I also just hate the sentence “it binds over time, magic does.”)

Pg 170 Yellow tab --Page 170: “walked on” Page 177: on horseback. WHAT IS THE TRUTH?— “Malachiasz stopped to wait for Nadya while the others walked on ahead” (this note coincides with a future note)

pg 173 Orange tab – blatant parallels to and lifts from Dragon Age franchise --you get a special shame-color for copying Dragon Age (also WHAT IS YOUR MAGIC STRUCTURE HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE) (it’s just bad writing)— “He was referring to witches—apostate magic users outside the gods’ approval—but there had been no witches in Kalyazin for decades. Their route of magic was considered just as heretical as blood magic…”

pg 176 yellow tab --Emily A Duncan focuses [more] on the little actions of Malacheezit than she does for any other character and it hurts the story— (specific reference to line “He fidgeted, fingers picking at a hang nail” interjected in dialogue. This action-dialogue tag does no service to the story at all.)

Pg 177 Pink tab --What the fuck? Is this about Holy War or is this a romance fantasy? (note the order: not “fantasy romance”)— “In a flash, his hand was underneath her chin, thumb brushing against her jaw…If Nadya hadn’t been sitting down she suspected her knees would have given out on her.”

Pg 177 Yellow tab --SINCE WHEN DO THEY HAVE FUCKING HORSES?! FIRE ALL YOUR EDITORS FIRE THE PUBLISHER— “Nadya let her horse wander instead of tying it up, sending a short prayer up to Vaclav to keep an eye on the animal so it didn’t stray too far.” (These horses were never mentioned before (note connects to a prev. note) and were never mentioned again after this. I literally cannot fathom how or why this book made it to final printing in this state.)

Pg 183 Pink tab --All this romance shit seems so forced for both Nadya and mal. I see no actual attraction on either party?— (I’m not recording the second note as it is a crude remark against the author, a remark of which I still stand by, but would be damaging to both her and myself. However, the emotion of the second note follows the concept of “anyone who knew what they were talking about wouldn’t write this kind of bullshit.”)

Pg 185 Yellow tab --“Per se”? I’m sorry is there LATIN in this world? (it’s bad writing)— “He wasn’t putting it off per se, he…”

pg 186 yellow tab --“It was fitting THAT assassins…” ugh— “It was fitting assassins chose to strike that same evening” (Doesn’t the author have a masters degree? And works in a library? How is her writing this chopped and sloppy, omitting crucial subject/action markers?)

Pg 198 Blue tab --Jesus, are prostitutes of war a NORMAL THING? WE SHOULD BE SAVING THESE POOR WOMEN— “The girl is…” He faltered, convincingly. “Well, you understand.” He winked at the soldier. (the soldier doesn’t even remark on Nadya’s sex slave status) (Also I realize that “prostitutes of war” is not the correct vernacular, however I’m committed to giving you my direct and exact notes. I know that they are slaves of war, sex slaves specifically, and do not receive true compensation or reparation for their suffering.)

Pg 201 Pink tab --HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NOBLES? YOU LIVED YOUR WHOLE LIFE IN A MONASTERY!— “Nobles are nobles,” she [Nadya] said waving a hand. “Regardless of where they come from. The pettiness of court transcends all cultural boundaries.”

Pg 202 Blue tab --WHAT THE FUCK? EXPLAIN YOUR MAGIC/MYTHS— (referencing the blasé and brief mention of Wolf Changers, which we never hear about again)

pg 203 blue tab --WHAT NECKLACE? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?— --Oh, that necklace, that was mentioned in the first chapter, forgotten, reintroduced the following chapter, then COMPLETELY forgotten again! Bad writing. Bad props.— “Her prayer beads were safely in her pocket, so she clutched at the necklace Kostya had given her.”

Pg 205 Blue tab --Is her accent suddenly better?— (reference to previous statements of Nadya having a terrible travanian accent, hence the sex slave thing to the border guard so she doesn’t have to talk, but now she’s talking and there was no reference to her improving her accent at all or even working on it.)

pg 207 yellow tab --I can see Emily has a kink for masks + chin grabbing— “He [Serefin] reached out and took her chin in his hand, lifting her face up to his” (Mal has also done this to Nadya countless times and she orgasms almost every time.)

Pg 209 Orange tab --The veil, yet another stolen Dragon Age concept!— “…closed her eyes, letting herself feel the invisible wall separating gods from men. She felt it the moment they had stepped into Tranavia, the weight of the veil pressing down against her, choking off her only access to the divine.” (This is also the very first reference to any such veil being in place. It took 209 pages for this to be mentioned, in a book chock full of a girl talking to gods in her head. Also, they’ve been in Tranavia for awhile. Why wasn’t this mentioned when they first stepped foot inside? (because it’s bad writing))

Pg 209 Pink tab --Nadya’s powers seem almost limitless at this point— “Holy speech whispered through her head and she moved to disassemble the spells woven through the walls. She couldn’t take them apart completely— someone would notice, precautions in place—she was just making them fuzzy, bleeding them out. She dulled them so any information imparted back to the mages who set them would appear mundane.” (If Nadya’s powers (at this point in the book) are tied to the gods, there is no mention of which god provides these powers. If this is meant to foreshadow that Nadya has her own powers, it’s a lazy job. It’s simply overpowered and oversimplified. )

Pg 210 [no tab just a sticky] --oh FINALLY we hear how they met!— “I’ve known him [Rashid] my whole life. And we crashed into Malachiasz about six months ago after getting into trouble with some off-duty Kalyazi soldiers.”

Pg 214 [no tab just a sticky] --also can we acknowledge the whole “brown girl serves a white girl” thing because WOW— (in reference to Parijahan playing handmaiden to Nadya at the palace)

pg 215 Pink tab --“Couldn’t worry about the prince”? wasn’t HE the one she wanted to kill in revenge for Kostya? (IS THAT ALL FORGOTTEN NOW?)

pg 216 Pink tab --First Zaneta is Indian [coded] and now she’s black [coded]? WHAT?— “…a tall girl with luminous skin like onyx threaded with gold…her spiral curls fanned out around her head like a halo.”

Pg 217 Orange tab --The game? Court intrigue? Masks? This all reeks of Orlais and direct theft from Dragon Age— (in reference to basically the whole castle competition, masks, etc)

pg 217 Yellow tab --And now we’re switching perspectives mid-chapter? Just start a new chapter!— (in reference to the very first mid-chapter perspective switch, which will occur more from here on out)

pg 232 yellow tab --I am so sick of these italicized words without any translation or description— (in reference to szitelka which I still DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS)

pg 233 pink tab --what the fuck is Nadya’s perspective? Does she want to kill all Tranavians or not? Emily make up your fucking mind— (in reference to Nadya getting pissed at Mal for killing the other blood mage girl in Nadya’s duel, so that Nadya wouldn’t die and the duel would end)

pg 234 pink tab --literally when has Nadya worried about his safety, esp. when she’s the one always threatening to kill him?— “She hadn’t forgotten, not even while she found herself worrying about his safety and wanting him by her side.”

Pg 235 Pink tab --oh FINALLY we get a description of his tattoos! 235 PAGES IN!!!! BULLSHIT YOU HACK WRITER!— “She found her eyes drawn to the tattoos on his long, elegant fingers. They were simple, straight lines: two on either side of each finger and one down the back that started at the bed of each fingernail and ended at his wrist in a single black bar.” (I literally vomited in my mouth when I read this)

Pg 238 Pink tab --Oh so Mal can’t murder to save you but you can murder Tranavians and its fucking justified? Nadya is such a bad Nazi char.— “It’s not an apology for murdering that girl, she noted. But it was a start. It was something from this boy who obviously had no morals and no regard for anything that didn’t serve his own interests.” (Nadya is the worst hypocrite and I want to punch her in the face)

Pg 239 Yellow tab --Hanged? Since when? Has hanging? Been a threat? Ever? In this world?— “…or else this whole mess of a plan will go up in smoke and we’ll all be hanged for it.”

Pg 240 Pink tab (this is another omitted note because it is a crude comment in part against the author, but the other half does say that Nadya is such a virgin and that I am second-hand embarrassed because this book and the “romance” scenes are so bad)

pg 242 blue tab --If Nadya used blood magic, why don’t the gods cut off her powers for her heresy? It would only make sense— (this is just a general comment on the chapter and how, after the duel and Nadya used blood magic, her gods were still talking to her. This is also before we find out that Nadya has her own powers)

pg 247 yellow tab --the way this is lazily written we’re supposed to assume it’s Ostiya at the door. Could be written much better (all of this could be written much better)— “Serefin hastily wrapped his still-bleeding hand with cloth while Kacper got the door. Ostiya blinked her single eye at the sight of both of them.”

Pg 248 Blue tab --“delicate gov[ernmen]t? we don’t even know how  the gov’t is even structured!— “This was too far. It would crumble Travania’s already delicate government.”

Pg 259 Blue tab --Oh good, a love triangle. Good to know Nadya’s type is “blood mage  tortured/charming boy” that grabs chin + kisses hands— “…and wasn’t sure what to do with this charmingly awkward boy. That he was one of the most powerful blood mages in Tranavia...She wavered too much already; she couldn’t allow herself to feel any more.”

Pg 260 Pink tab --Literally all that Parijahan does is be soft + comforting? That is literally all she does to Mal + Nadya + Rashid?— “Nadya usually didn’t see this side of Parijahan. It relieved her to see there was a warm softness to Parijahan’s flinty gaze.”

Pg 270 Blue tab --What do you mean? When did you mention that the gods had withdrawn their power from Nadya?— “She had no magic. She had nothing. She had no hope without her gods.”

Pg 275 Blue tab --But they would abandon her for using blood magic you dumbass— “The gods wouldn’t have abandoned her. Not for a few doubts, not for kissing a heretic—not even that.”

Pg 278 Blue tab --Okay this is actually a really cool scene— (when Nadya is first using blood with the pendant to see her way out of the room the rogue Vultures locked her in)

pg 280 blue tab --Calls her “little bird” is this Mal?— (referencing this unnamed god that Nadya is talking to via Kostya’s necklace)

pg 287 yellow tab --sloppy transition makes it seem as though a new person is talking— (Basically for the next two pages Emily incorrectly punctuates her paragraph breaks while Pelayega is talking.)

Pg 294 Orange tab --Velyos=Solas=Mal? Oh my god is this whole plot a regurgitation of DA:Inquisition/Trespasser?— “Have you heard of him? I suppose not. The veil went up, Velyos broke away. Your gods were probably relieved, but here he is once more...”

pg 298 blue tab --fucking called it (“acted like he was dead”? Literally said before that he was “sent to the country”)— (in reference to Serefin seeing Mal and discovering that his cousin is the Black Vulture. Previously, a not so subtle mention of a nameless male cousin of Serefin’s was “sent to the country” when he was young. I immediately pegged it as being Mal. But now it is written that Serefin was led to believe that his cousin died? The inconsistencies are rife.)

pg 308 pink tab --Does Nadya literally have no self control or sense of morality (for her own morals)? What the fuck is this?— “Then her traitorous, heretical hands betrayed her as she reached up and wove them into his hair, pulling his face down to hers and kissing him. Because she was angry with him, furious with his lies, but not even her anger was enough to cool the burning she felt when he was near; the heat that spread through her nerves when he touched her.”

Pg 308 Pink tab --ooh power shift, she’s doing the chin-grabbing now!— “She took his chin in her hand, directing his gaze down to hers.”

Pg 309 Blue tab --except for the vultures that kidnapped her? What about them?!— “Go to the cathedral when you’re finished here,” he said. “None of the Vultures will give you any trouble.”

Pg 313 Pink tab --Didn’t want the fate of nations? She LITERALLY came here to topple the monarchy and uproot Tranavia and start a mass ethinic cleansing— “She was only one girl; she didn’t want the fate of nations resting on her decisions.”

Pg 314 Pink tab --YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS YOU DUMB BITCH— [the dumb bitch being Nadya] “The war took something important to me,” she said, fingering Kostya’s necklace unconsciously. She couldn’t think about how it had been Serefin who had led that attack. (Nadya literally forgets and completely forgives Serefin for what she believes is Kostya’s murder (we know that Kostya wasn’t killed by Serefin but his BABY BRO WAS). Like, wasn’t Kostya super important to her? And she tried to kill Serefin in revenge but Mal stopped her? And in literally less than a week she totally forgets about it?)

Pg 318 Pink tab --Honestly, Mal deserves better than Nadya. He’s clearly doing his best and she’s just being racist and unwavering.— He opened his mouth, at a loss for words. Finally, he asked, “Will it always be like this?” Would it? She couldn’t say. Would she ever be comfortable with what he was? Or would it always be this constant hot and cold, friends one second and enemies the next? “I don’t know.” (Nadya is so abusive in this whole relationship I feel bad for Mal)

pg 321 yellow tab --He literally said he only told her the truth?! Mal has literally not told one lie?— “He was a liar and she wanted his truths”

pg 322 yellow tab --The whole order of this scene description + the characters is clunky and wrong— (no further comment really, that pretty much explains it)

pg 326 pink tab --Did she literally forget about Kostya? Did Nadya literally just forgive Serefin b/c she thinks he’s cute and tortured? LITERALLY? WHY?— “Serefin. He’s good,” She nuzzled his chest. “I like him. He should live.”

Pg 327 Blue tab --Can Serefin suddenly write his own spells now?! I thought only Mal could do that— “As he sat down at his desk with spells sprawled out in front of him, blood still drying on the pages, he couldn’t shake the feeling…”

pg 335 pink tab --That’s right, bitch! You’re damn nigh abusive to him and for some reason he keeps coming back! I don’t know why since you have the personality of a Nazi but for some reason Mal just really wants to fuck you!— “How could she be the only good thing to happen to him? She had almost slit his throat, had hung him off a railing. She didn’t even trust him, not really.”

Pg 351 Blue tab --since when have we seen a fucking calendar system?— “…turned the tide of a battle in 625 when…” (this is a “Vasiliev’s Book of Saints” entry for chapter 33. There is one more reference to a year in an earlier codex entry (tsk another Dragon Age ripoff) for something like 15XX. We don’t know what year it is, nor do we know when/why they started counting. Maybe it’s not critical for the story but it IS critical if you’re bringing it up.)

pg 357 orange tab --Literally Solas’s plot in Trespasser— “She bit back a cry of pain and shoved her magic harder up at the veil. If this was when she died, then fine. Fine. She would tear this veil down first and bring the gods back to Tranavia with her dying breath.”

Pg 360 Blue tab --How did she get here? Already? These scenes are so lazy, show me Nadya scrambling up the dais to Mal’s waiting neck— “He idly spun a chalice on the armrest and Serefin watched as the cleric stood and darted for a dagger that reseted a few steps away. It was time to test just what he could do with this power. (now it’s Nadya’s POV) Malachiasz’s eyes closed. He tilted his head back, baring his throat to Nadya’s blade.”

Pg 363 Yellow tab --Did we just miss Serefin fighting his father for Nadya’s sexy threatening? Was that really a real choice the author made?— (Nadya looks over at Serefin) “Serefin was on his knees, hunched over in pain, blood oozing from his head, one hand white-knuckled on the ground holding him up. Dead moths littered the floor around him. The stars around his head began to flicker out.”

Pg 368 Yellow tab --you CANNOT call it an “Adam’s apple” when there is no “Adam” or Christianity in this fantasy world! Lazy writing indeed!— “His head tilted back, Adam’s apple bobbing, as he swallowed hard.”

Pg 376 Yellow tab --this line is so cliché and fucking bad why the fuck is it even in here?— “The king is dead, long live the king,” she said, handing it [the crown] to him [Serefin].

Pg 376 Yellow tab --And why didn’t you write that the other vultures disappeared? There is so much missing here— “Where are all the Vultures?” Ostiya asked “Most probably fled with their king,” Serefin said.

Pg 378 Yellow tab --Is what enough? Power? Crown? What the fuck? This is so sloppy— “Will this be enough?” she asked him [Serefin]. “To stop the war?” … [Serefin:] “It will”

pg 380 yellow tab --No clear description of where Mal is. Is this physical or ethereal? What the fuck is happening?— (Mal’s whole epilogue)

[silverineontherun]

I was tagged by @beelsebutt and @kunfetti, thank you!

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.)

282.514?! That’s... a lot? haha. I’m gonna substract 75k tho, that’s the spanish version of one of my fics, doesn’t count. Still surprised lol.

How often do you write?

I try to write everyday, but I fail miserably. I wish it was because I’m tired, but instead I’m just procrastinating and utterly uninspired, currently coming out of a heavy slump. In my good times though, I used to write sacredly on weekends.

Do you have a routine for writing?

Sit, open doc, stare at it, then minimize it to NOT look at it, go on tumblr, go on twitter, open doc, stare at it, WRITE ONE WORD, then minimize it... repeat ad infinitum. 

(That’s why my word count surprises me. Guess it’s all thanks to those times I pick my laptop and go outside to write. Also since I have twitter I’ve been getting better at the procrastination game lmao).

What’s your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Pairings, I think klance is a rarepair and deserves more recognition... LMAOOO. Nah, no matter how overcrowded it is, they are my favs, followed closely by shatt. The only reason I write less shatt it’s because it’s harder for me to grasp their personalities, I swear.

I’m actually quite new (considering my age) to the fanfiction community, even as a reader. I used to read only canon-verse things until not so long ago, and therefore I tend to write only canon-verse things too (I started writing for Voltron because the canon is so open! Yey for space!). But since that’s getting boring, I started looking into AUs and even though I’m TERRIBLE at them, as a reader I enjoy the dark AUs? Crime, war, jail, spies... that kind of thing.

As a writer I started integrating some wacky tropes too! Into canonverse tho, gosh I’m obstinate lol, but I’m trying to play more with those, I really liked soulmates, also I’m liking body swap, I wanna try more (send me prompts any time and help a sister with that, wink wink). Still, you can’t catch me writing a coffee shop AU in this life, probably, but uh never say never as that canadian sage once said.

Oh, the kinks... as a writer I guess it’s zero, since I don’t write smut (T_T). 

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

Wow you mean the one I cringe less while re-reading? Lol you know what, when they say your favs never get popular it’s true! Tbh I like a lot my oldie shatt fic One kiss for each piece but I think the poorly written smut (first and last try at that ugh) drove people away and I cringe a bit at it, but it has a place in my heart because it’s my first shatt one and Matt is very supportive there and I love him lol. Second, I’ve only written ONE lotura called Oh! Darling and it’s the sweetest thing that my brain has come up with, and I truly dig it too? Cheesy af but still!

I’m also really liking my current klance work, that’s you in the mirror, but I still don’t know if I’ll be able to make it land where I want to, it’s my therapy fic for the slump and it’s... in the works. It could become my fav tho.

Your fic with the most kudos?

fake, not fate -- I remember being so inspired and fired up for this one, I guess it shows.

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

For starters I never know if my writing is compatible with the English prose, I never studied anything regarding literature (not even in my native language), so I can’t really compare Eng and Spanish proses and I’m just... playing by ear? Hoping for the best? I always fear someone will comment “you fucking illiterate learn to structure a phrase” and I’ll have to yeet myself into oblivion. Also I have heavy problems to cut and edit myself. I write long-ass paragraphs that I know ARE WRONG but still find myself unable to reword/edit/cut it and it’s infuriating lol. Luckily now I have some help, @kunfetti has been so kind to me, reading my uglies before they see the light... thank you, ily! 

OH, also... italics abuse. I can’t control it. Really can’t.

Now something you do like?

Geez, I guess there’s something I have to like given that word count lolol... I think I have good ideas, sadly the best ones are currently unfinished. Uhm, guess I have a good grasp of the plot bunnies, I try to make the reader feel in a full circle after they finish, and I’ve been told that I can truly write IC which is the highest compliment to me, because I have to rewatch VLD in english to remember how they speak lol. I hope I can do the same when I write for another fandom.

Alright the only one I haven’t seen doing this is @paternaltendencies so there we go, I don’t know who else I could tag, but any writer following me, consider yourself tagged! please @ me so I can find it <3

[larryshorcrux]

Fake It Til You Make It

JILY CHALLENGE | @ginevrashorcrux vs @lilypcttr  social media!AU + “After a misunderstanding with his fans, james begs lily to be his fake girlfriend until this all blows over. which includes posting cute instagrams together and doing all the couple challenges.”

(nothing like waiting till the last second! I’m so sorry this took forever but its up!)

                     ----------------------------------------------

James' fans were some of his favorite people in the world. But sometimes, he really wanted to punch them in the face. This is one of those times.

 It all started with one, stupid youtube video from one, stupid Sirius Black. At the time it seemed like a good idea. Do a 'boyfriend tag' video with your best friend, who is like a brother to you, as a joke.  And it was a good idea because both boy's view count and subscriber count went up by the hundreds.

 It wasn't a good idea, however, when everyone thought that it was true and thought Sirius Black and James Potter are actually dating.

 "Sirius, this is not funny! How am I ever going to get a hot girlfriend if everyone thinks we're shagging?" James asked his best friend. Sirius just kept laughing, infuriating James to the point that he stormed out of their shared flat.

 James needed to do something and he needed to do it fast. He started brainstorming ideas on his walk to the park when a buzzing from his pocket startled him from his thoughts. He took out his phone and saw it was a text from Lily Evans as well as a picture from her of a photoshopped James and Sirius in a very compromising position.

 From Lily Evans

why didn't u tell me u guys wer dating??? and why didn’t u tell me ur sextape leaked too?!?

 To Lily Evans

ha ha

 To Lily Evans

very funny. nothing is going on i swear. that vid was supposed 2 be a joke and its gotten way out of control

 From Lily Evans

well have fun tryin 2 fix this mess  good luck, ur going 2 need it :*

 James rolled his eyes as he sat down on a park bench. He scrolled through twitter only to be bombarded with tweets about his a Sirius' relationship. And, much to his annoyance, a tweet from Sirius Black himself confirming it.

 @padfootproductions:we r sorry that we hid this so long. we just cant hide our dying love for one another, it was really taking a toll on our relationship :////// ly baby @jamespotter_official

 @jamespotter_official:@padfootproductions fuck off m8

 James needed to do something fast. Sirius' tweet only added fuel to the fire. As he was thinking of ways to fix this problem (and to kill Sirius for creating this whole problem), a man and woman jogged past him, giggling and shooting lovesick glances at one another.

 'That's it,' James thought. 'I just need a fake girlfriend! And I know exactly who can help.'

 "I will absolutley not help you, James," said a very mad Lily Evans. "Why not?" James pouted. He needed this. There's only so many photoshopped pictures of himself and Sirius and only so many fanfictions he can read before going insane. It needed to be stopped.

 "Because, I will not be dragged into this mess that has nothing to do with me," She said. As an after thought, she added, "Also, it's kind of a funny situation to witness."

 James groaned and smacked his head on the table. "Lily, please! I'll do anything. I just need you to be my fake girlfriend for like three months, pretend we've been dating for five already, take some cute pictures, film some cute videos, then we can 'break up' and we can go our separate ways. Please, I'm begging you."

 "What's in it for me?" Lily asked. "You get to say you're dating me," James said cockily. Lily reached over the table and smacked him in the head. "Ow," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head. "Fine, I'll bring you coffee for a month, on me."

 "I want you to edit my videos," Lily smiled. "What?! You post three times a week! I'll never have time to edit my own!" James exclaimed.

 Lily gathered her things and stood up. "Good luck, James." The man groaned and quickly stood up. "I'll edit your videos for a month."

 "Four months."

 "Two months."

 "Fine, but I'm still expecting that coffee, too." Lily sat back down and James smiled in relief. "You're a saint, Lily Evans, did you know that?"

 "I try," she smirked.

"This better work, Potter," Lily grumbled as she hit 'post' on Instagram. "It will, I promise!"

 Within seconds there were hundreds of comments under her picture, all along the lines of "OMG I CANT BREATH" or "I SHIP IT HJBDUJ".

"I can't believe it, they're actually buying this," the redhead murmured in astonishment. "Quick take a snapchat with me," James told her.

  "Lady love, James? Really?" Lily asked, not looking at all amused. "What? I have to make it believable," James said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Fine, whatever," Lily said rolling her eyes.

In the weeks that followed James and Lily's 'relationship' being made public, all thoughts of James and Sirius actually dating seemed to die down, thankfully. The young 'couple' would make it a point to take really cute pictures or to hold hands anytime they were out in public together.

Also in the weeks that followed, James and Lily seemed to get too close for two people who were just friends. Suddenly, Lily missed when she was not with James and suddenly, James found he was longing to hold Lily's hand when he couldn't. There was tension between them, and both knew it was obvious. Remus, Sirius, and Peter would never admit it, but they have been placing bets on when the two would finally realize that they were more than just friends. Unbeknownst to them, James and Lily were also placing bets in their own heads as to which of the two would crack first.

"You know," James mused one day. "We haven't filmed a video together yet in our three months of dating."

"James, we are not actually dating. Must I keep reminding you?" "You're just so beautiful, my Lily flower. I can't resist your charm," James smirked. Lily rolled her eyes, but James swore he saw a hint of a blush blooming on her cheeks.

"Fine," Lily said, going to gather her camera from her bag. "You tweet asking people to send us questions," she called over her shoulder as she set up her equipment.

@jamespotter_official: Shooting a q&a with the one and only @evanslily send us some questions !!! Use #jilyquestiontime

 Within seconds, James' feed was bombarded with questions. Lily sat back down and began the intro to her video.

"Hello, beautiful people! Today I am joined with my lovely boyfriend, Mr. James Potter," Lily said, adding a little gesture towards James at the end. James smiled and waved at the camera, waiting for Lily to continue. "We asked you guys to tweet us some questions so let's dive straight in!" Lily leaned in closer to James to have a look at his phone screen. Not knowing what came over him, he placed a hand on her thigh. She jumped a little bit, not expecting that at all, and asked what he was doing. "Just playing it up for the cameras," he shrugged. Lily covered her face with her hair and looked back at his phone screen, not liking what his touch was doing to her body.

 "So we have a question from @youtube_lovin_1234. It asks, 'When did you two meet?' Ah that had to be vidcon. I want to say 2015?" James asked, looking for Lily for confirmation. "2016," Lily corrected. "Close enough," James said.

 "This one," Lily continued. "Is from @padfoots_paws. Interesting name. It reads, 'who is stronger? (asking this as an excuse to see James' biceps. #sorrynotsorry)."

 "Well, if you insist," James smirked, flexing his bicep and smiling into the camera. Wanting to get him back for the hand on the thigh incident, Lily reached out a hand and began feeling James' muscles. "Don't we all want to make excuses just to see James' biceps?" Lily asked. She turned back to James so she could look for more questions and noticed he was blushing. THE James Potter was blushing because of her. She smirked and let him choose another question.

 "This next question comes from @little_lindsey. 'Who is the better kisser? Prove it.'"

Both youtubers looked at each other and gulped. "James, we don't have to-" Lily started. "No we really don't," James interrupted.

"But maybe we should-"

"I mean we haven't kissed at all for the viewers-"

"You're right I think we should-"

The two quickly became flustered and looked away from each other. "Ok, let's go back to acting really flirty and I'll edit all of this out," James suggested. Lily nodded and faced the camera. Suddenly, James and Lily were acting cool and confident, as if that whole exchange never happened.

"James likes to think he is, but I am clearly better," Lily said very matter-of-factly. James rolled his eyes and responded with, "Keep telling yourself that, love."

"Well, let's let the viewers decide. Let us know in the comments who you think is better," Lily said.

James and Lily found themselves face to face, more nervous than ever. Both have wanted to do this for the past three months and now they finally had the chance. So why is it so hard?

"Ok, here we go for the totally fake kiss," James gulped.

"That means absolutely nothing," Lily confirmed.

Not knowing what came over him, James put one hand on Lily's face and the other in her hair, wasting no time in kissing her. Lily gasped a little, but placed her hands on his chest, kissing back with just as much vigor. Deciding to take control of the situation, Lily licked James' lips, begging for the permission she already knew she had

When their tongues met, Lily couldn't help but fist James' hair, causing the latter to let out a loud moan. This seemed to snap the two back to reality. They quickly pulled away, trying to fix their disheveled appearances.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," Lily confessed. James only nodded, eyes wide. "I think this video can be finished later," he said, grabbing Lily's hand and leading her to his room. 

That day, their relationship actually became official. Actually, it became official about 5 times that night.

[burnedlegate]

Chapter I - Catching Fire

um, ok, so here it goes? the first chapter of my Finn/Daniel fanfic. i want to eventually post this on AO3, so idk if I’ll add another chapters here, but let’s say this is.... a trial?? first of all, i have no idea how tags on AO3 work and tbh they scare me, also, as i said in the previous post, i’m not a native english speaker and i often mix up the tenses and stuff (also the quotation marks are wrong, i mean, not english but czech, but i didn’t think i was gonna publish this when i was writing it so... yeah. and i’m not editing that shit now),

so.. that’s a thing. i’ll be happy for any kind of feedback, especially if it’d about some typos or stuff like that! now i’ll keep trying to gather courage to put this on AO3 :’D

People say that everyone has a home somewhere, waiting for them. The courier‘s oldest brother used to say that, but the way he spoke about home – for him, it was a concept to be abandoned, useless, futile. Veronica used to say that when she talked about the Brotherhood of Steel and her ideas about its inovations, and she said it even after what she was evicted from the order and refused to step inside the bunker. Ulysses, whose home was irretrievably destroyed, said this to her, and he stayed true to his words, watching over the land and its horrors to this very moment.

Her father used to say that, and when he said that, he spoke about their mountain cabin in the Mahagony Mountains in Utah.

That cabin was irretrievably lost now, incinerated into ash and burned carbon. One could say home isn’t a place, but a person; but her father was gone as well, crucified by the Caesar’s Legion.

The courier, Finley Jäger, didn’t have a home. She thought California could become her home, but the forced patriotism couldn’t replace the feeling of safety and certainty. She thought Nevada could become her new home, but that very thought forced her to flee the country to… this place.

The courier didn’t have a home. She used to have a mountain cabin, and she used to have a father. Now she stood in the Zion Canyon, and she realized that she’ll never be closer to that memory than now.

This feeling, this moment – you’ll never have it again.

„Hey, Finley,“ Jed’s voice interrupted her. When she turned to face him, the caravaneer working for the Happy Trails Company spoke again: „I was sayin‘ that in case the New Canaanites won‘t be able to get us back home, you’ll step in with your Pip-Boy and your maps. Since Ricky run away, you’re our only option. We can count on you, right?“

Finley, known as Finn among friends, raised her thumb up.

„I’ll take that as a yes,“ Jed squinted, and the courier responded: „Yeah. Sorry, was savoring the moment here.“

„It sure is beautiful here,“ Stella said. With that, Finn finally stepped away from the ledge.

Jed sighed loudly. „Enough lollygagging! Get moving and keep an eye out for tribals!“

„Sir, yes, sir,“ Finn answered avidly and the caravan started moving again with two mercenaries in front, two behind them, Jed in the middle and her and Stella right behind him. Stella adjusted the rifle on her back and interjected: „Sorry to bother you with reality, ol' Jed. Who cares if we can't get back out the way we come? That's not a problem.“

„It’s simply the way it is,“ Jed answered, visibly trying not to sigh again, and slightly sped up to avoid more remarks of his companion. Stella obviously didn’t miss it as she muttered under her breath: „Heard you the fifteenth time, Stella. What's it matter if we're trapped here? Everything will be just fine.“

„What’s this about?“ Finn asked, surprised by Stella’s anxiety.

„Well, if you were listening, my dear courier, you’d have heard me expressing my deep concerns over us getting home, because we sure as hell ain’t going back the same way,“ Stella said, and the courier just shook her head: „Hey, we’re cool, I got my maps and everything!“

„Just like you got your big backpack and everything?“

The courier puckered her lips: „You just won’t let that go, will you.“

„Well, considering the fact that you stated that you’ve been here, I found it really curious that you thought you could bring a whole damn armoire with you,“ Stella answered.

Before the courier could answer anything, Jed suddenly stopped dead on his tracks, looking alerted – both of the women almost bumped into him.

„What’s up, Jed?“ Stella asked with an obvious hint of the everpresent anger in her voice; but the caravaneer put finger to his lips, shushing her instantly. Then he said very, very quietly: „Hold on, now... could swear I heard something up ahead.“

In that very moment, the mercenary in front of them fell to the ground. Dead.

„Fuck,“ Finn breathed out as the brain of father of tree and rancher from California of the name Timothy Wells splattered on the ground. „Fuck,“ she breathed out again when she was crawling for cover behind a boulder with Stella following her.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

„Goddammit, ambush! Cover, people! Watch yourselves!“ Jed screamed and did the same, hiding behind a boulder close to her. Finn pulled out her weathered 10mm pistol, which she truly didn’t expect to pull out so soon, and aimed at one of the ambushers placed on the cliff above them. But the paint on his face, his braids, his weapon-

„Holy hell, it's the White Legs! What are they doing this far south?“ Jed screamed to confirm her worries, and Finn breathed in, and out, because-

It seemed – it seemed her worst worries came true. She came all this way for nothing. She came to herself just in the moment to crouch to the ground to evade a flying tomahawk, which, luckily, pushed her back to reality. There’ll be time for mourning later.

If there’ll be a later.

„Goddammit, never should joined this assbackwards caravan,“ Stella cursed under her breath and fired a few shots from her laser rifle. Finn fired a few shots at the White Legs on their terrain level, because she had a scant view on the White Legs above them in her current position. She looked around and found out that most of the mercenaries, which the company hired, were dead.  

„We’re sitting ducks here!“ Stella screamed. „We need to get out of here, fast!“

„There’s no way out of here!“ Jed screamed back. Finn looked down from the cliff to the river which flew through the canyon. It’d be… quite a fall. But they couldn’t push through the tribals. And they couldn’t go back. They were, very effectively, trapped – and they were losing.

„Enough of this!“ Stella suddenly screamed and stood up. „Here I come! I was a sheriff once, goddamn it!“

With that, she charged at the White Legs.

„Stella!... Oh no! Don't you die on me, woman, you hear?“

Finn shot at another tribal, killing her. At least she thought she did. It seemed like whenever they killed one, another one popped up from nowhere. They had to get out of here.

„Jed! We need to go!“

„There’s nowhere to go!“

„We can just jump down-“

„Are you out of your mind?!“

„We can’t fight through them!“

Suddenly, a blast threw both of them a few feets back. The only thing Finn heard for a while was an annoying humming noise, and then it was humming coming from Jed’s pistol who shot down a tribal woman coming at them with a shishkebab. A shishkebab. Where the hell did they get these weapons?

Something pulled her up to her feet – Jed – and gave her an intense look, and screamed, but Finn had problems comprehending what he was trying to say.

„On your feet! Keep fighting! Come on, I got ya…“

He tried to move them both behind another cover. But it was too late. It was always too late.

***

The young missionary, Daniel Young looked down from a cliff to look at the Narrows and it inhabitants, currently waking up to a new day. The Sorrows got up and went to sleep with the Sun; the Sun’s been up for two good hours and the tribals were cooking fish on the fire, getting ready for scouting the area, waiting for the morning service.

He was walking around the camp for two good hours. When he woke up after five in the morning, he managed to calm himself down by this perambulation (perambulations) around the Narrows, but it never really helped. And it surely didn’t help him rest.

It’s been a long time since Daniel had a good night sleep. Sleep used to be an escape for him, from this world to the world of what could have been; now it’s become an obligatory route to the world of what happened, what he saw, what he had to see, and his mind was forcing him to go through these moments again and again and again. Sleep was, of course, necessary for survival, but Daniel Young wasn’t its greatest fan, so to say.

Now, he’d usually go over his supplies, but honestly, there wasn’t much to go over. It’s been a long time since he’d seen some proper supplies, and the situation wasn’t getting any better. He didn’t have the time to go look for them himself, and the Sorrows couldn’t go either, considering most of the tourist spots taboo. And then there was always Joshua, telling him that they don’t really need the supplies. That there’s a simpler solution.

Much simpler solution.

Daniel sighed and adjusted his hat. Watching over the Sorrows always woke some inner peace in him; Zion had the same effect, being as beautiful as it was. Daniel wished he could stay, but…

He turned to look at the Zion Canyon, spread in front of him like a picture.

But what he actually saw made him stare in shock.

Even though he was stuck in his inner monologue, which usually lasted for a long time (because he usually thought about what could go wrong and there was always a lot of things which could go wrong), his eyes managed to ignore his inner dilema and registered an atypical appearance disturbing the awakening landscape – he saw two persons.

People.

The first one he recognized. The tribal markings of the Dead Horses, the cap – he remembered this particular scout, and if he remembered correctly, his name was Follows-Chalk. The other figure, however, was a whole different story.

First of all, it wasn’t a tribal. It was, very clearly, an outsider – and Daniel knew outsiders. He knew mercenaries, NCR prospectors, raiders. Which one of these was the woman accompanying the scout, that he did not know, but he immediately got that suspicion that she’s up to no good. Maybe he was wrong, of course, and it was wrong to judge someone by the first impression.

But the thing was, first impressions mattered now – and they especially mattered when he had a tribe to protect.

He woke up from his reverie (though he was not sure this was the right term to call it) and headed down from the cliff. He passed some of the Sorrows‘ scouts who gave him confused, questioning looks, meaning that they became aware of the people approaching as well. He simply nodded at them, suggesting that he has the situation under control.

Which he did not.

Once he got in their line of sight again, the scout and the woman saw him too. He finally got a good look on the woman – ashen hair, freckles spread on her face, a hunting rifle on her back. The scout looked mildly distressed, but he seemed to be keen on following her. That, however, didn’t have to mean she posed no danger to him. To the Sorrows.

Daniel thought, and immediately regretted the sentiment – how much better would it be if she run into Joshua instead of him. It surely was strange that her first stop was here, and Daniel just felt his heartbeat getting faster, possesed by fear.

Finally they stood face to face, the woman measuring him with her gaze. He realized that his hand was on his holster, but it was too late to appear charitable now.

„Uh... I apologize if this comes across as a less-than-cordial welcome,“ he said. „But how did you get in here? You from the Mojave?“

The woman opened her mouth, and closed it. It appeared that she was considering what to answer, or more likely, in which way to answer. However, before she actually said anything, Follows-Chalk replied for her: „She came with a caravan, but the White Legs ambushed them! She is the only survivor.“

The woman didn’t say anything, only gave the scout a quick look. A quick one, as if she wanted to keep her eyes on him. Then she finally spoke.

„A Happy Trails Caravan, yeah. If the name rings any bells. Not like it has to anymore. Everyone’s. You know,“ she paused, and added in much quieter voice: „Dead.“

The way she said it made Daniel freeze in the spot for a second. He wasn’t sure if to let go of his holster or just hold it tighter. And yet, another emotion, besides whatever this was, was sympathy.

He decided to put his hand away from his gun.

„That’s,“ he sighed. „I'm so sorry. That's terrible. The tribals, White Legs – we’ve been having a lot of problems with them recently.“

The woman didn’t say anything, so he continued: „In fact, that's why I'm here. I'm Daniel, a New Canaanite missionary to this tribe, the Sorrows. I think it important that you speak to my colleague, Joshua Graham-“

„That’s what I said, but she refused,“ the scout said urgently. The woman scowled and said: „That’s not how I’d put it, I simply decided to seek alternatives.“

Daniel paused. „I – okay. I’d simply feel more comfortable if-“

„No offense, but you’re sending me to Joshua fucking Graham. We came here looking for New Canaanites, not the infamous ex-Legate!“

Daniel blinked few times, slowly. „Joshua Graham is a New Canaanite, just like me. I assure you, he is on our side here.“

„Our side?“ the woman parroted. „You including me in that sentiment as well now, huh?“

„Sentiment?“

„As far as I’m concerned, I’m not on your side. I was supposed to get our caravan to New Canaan, not into this bullshit, so I’d truly prefer getting out of here, you know? Now.“

Daniel nodded, resisting the urge to sigh. He felt like he had enough of her sass for the day and yet, they just began talking. „Listen, I understand that this isn’t what you signed up for. But we didn't ask you to come to Zion. As far as I'm concerned, you're an uninvited guest. In better times, I'd drop everything to help you out, but… these are not those times. And I’d truly prefer if you talked to Joshua about what’s happening here.“

The woman gave him a sharp look. Daniel didn’t know how to properly describe it, but there was hesitation in her eyes, hesitation which very closely reminded Daniel of fear.

Of course.

He could’ve realized it sooner – the courier was hesitating simply because she was afraid of Joshua. Maybe not, of course, but – that look spoke for everything. He’d recognize ít everywhere, specifically because it was residing on faces of all New Canaan inhabitants when he brought Joshua back home, broken, burnt, left to die.

It was only natural, of course. But in this situation, most unwelcome. Daniel gave the woman a long look, thinking about his possibilites.

„You’re injured,“ he suddenly remarked, noticing the wound on her shoulder. It was a simple cut, probably done by White Legs‘ blade, and the woman not being aware of it only proved its triviality; she quickly touched the wound, obviously confused.

„Oh. It’s nothing, really,“ she said.

„Want me to take a look? I’m a doctor. Of sorts.“

„Well…“

„I could fill you in in the meantime. I still think you should at least go to introduce yourself to Joshua, but I can see that you need to understand the situation first.“

The woman finally understood his intention. She gave him a surprised look; honestly, Daniel was surprised himself, but he didn’t want to throw this woman in what she considered a lion’s den. Maybe if he explains her the basics of what’s going on, she won’t be so hesitant about talking to Joshua – and cooperating with Joshua in general.

„Alright, yeah,“ she said. „I think that’d be wise.“

Now it was time for Follows-Chalk to look uneasy. „What should I do then? Should I head back to Joshua and tell him the news?“

„Yes, if you could be so kind,“ Daniel nodded. „Tell him that – um…“

He still didn’t know her name. That was embarrassing.

„A courier,“ the woman chipped in. „Finley.“

„Right, just tell him that Finley will arrive soon and that there’s much for them to discuss, but she’s injured as of now.“

„Can you make it back safe?“ the courier asked.

„I’m going to be okay,“ Follows-Chalk said and smiled. „See you later then, yes? I can not wait!“

The courier nodded, flashing him a smile as well, even though hers was much more hesitant.

With that, Follows-Chalk departed, while the courier and him, with eyes of all the Sorrows on them, entered the Narrows.

[useyourrwords]

Month in Review // I FINALLY CHANGED MY NAME – February

You are officially reading the post of someone legally named Greyson and I am so fucking happy!

So obviously February was a bit of a landmark month for me and boy was it packed! And March looks to well an truly have earned the name Adelaide uses for it, March Madness.

          Introducing The Structured TBR

Last month I introduced my new structured TBR! So here is a quick overview for those who want to follow along.

Must Read

  5 books a month

 1 backlist ARC, if I have any 

 Read new ARCS ON TIME 

 2 owned backlist books 

 3 diverse books 

 10 entries from Rejected Princesses

 5 entries from Bygone Badass Broads

Allowances

 1 library book in either physical, ebook and 1 graphic novel format 

Month’s TBR

│Unbroken Anthology││

│The Boneless Mercies││

│Sadie││

│The Raven Boys││

│The Dream Thieves││

│Blue Lily, Lily Blue││

│The Raven King││

│Yaa Asantewaa│Mary Bowser│Nwanyeruwa│Nana Asma’u│Nanny of the Maroons│Agontime and the Dahomey Amazons│Josephine Baker│Nzinga Mbande│Arawelo│Ida B. Wells│Rejected Princesses││

│Queen Arawelo│Stagecoach Mary Fields│Sarah Breedlove AKA Madam C. J. Walker│Alice Ball│Nwanyeruwa│Lorraine Hansberry│Bygone Badass Broads││

So I knew when making my TBR last month that I probably wasn’t to get to all of these but wanted to see how I would go for my first structured TBR and I’m not entirely disappointed.

     Read

│Unbroken Anthology│Marieke Nijkamp│││││3.5★│Read Feb 4│

I wanted more from this one and it never quite got there.

│The Raven Boys│The Raven Cycle #1│Maggie Stiefvater││││││★★★★★│Read Feb 15│

Love love love! Even better the second time. You should see how many tabs I used. It’s going to take me forever to log all the quotes I marked.

I’ve linked my original review but I might do a new one at some point. .

│The Boneless Mercies│April Genevieve Tucholke││││││★★★│Read Feb 18│

Uh this was fine. It was entertaining and I loved the whole women seeking glory thing but it could have been more engaging. This is a really journey heavy book and those just aren’t my cup of tea.

│Queen Arawelo│Stagecoach Mary Fields│Sarah Breedlove AKA Madam C. J. Walker│Alice Ball│Nwanyeruwa│Lorraine Hansberry│Bygone Badass Broads│Mackenzi Lee││││Read Feb 7│

│Yaa Asantewaa│Mary Bowser│Nwanyeruwa│Nana Asma’u│Nanny of the Maroons│Agontime and the Dahomey Amazons│Josephine Baker│Nzinga Mbande│Arawelo│Ida B. Wells│Rejected Princesses│Jason Porath││││Read Feb 16│

Really glad that I’m using this year to finally read these two books and so far I am loving learning about 15 different women from history a month!

│The Dream Thieves│The Raven Cycle #2│Maggie Stiefvater││││││

So I kinda got into a bit of a slump at the end of the month and it really isn’t this books fault and is entirely because I’m not giving myself down time to do “pointless” fun things.

│Skylarks│Karen Gregory│││││

│The Surface Breaks│Lousie O’Neill│││││

Book of the Month

│Sadie│Courtney Summers│││││★★★★★│Read Feb 14│

This book is fucking brilliant. Like God has blessed us and her name is Courtney Summers and it’s just so fucking good.

│Average Rating: 4.1★│ 3│

Structured TBR Pass or Fail?

│Must Read:  4/5│ 1/1│ 0/0│ 1/2│ 4/3│ 10/10│ 6/5│

│Allowances:  2/1 P or EB | 0/1 GN│ 

This month was a bit of a fail but I expected as much as I have only just started to implement it! I knew I’d have a few kinks to work out as I went!

I didn’t quite reach my 5 book goal and I didn’t read 2 owned backlist books.

I also read 2 Physical/Ebook library loans so that broke the rules too.

Next month I’m going to bring my library loan all together so I can only read 1 physical book or one ebook or one graphic novel to make room for my backlist.

I’m also planning on adding audiobooks!

Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Everything Leads To You – A Quite Love Story

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire

        Film & TV

Month’s TBW

│On The Basis of Sex││

│The Favourite││

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4││

│Jessica Jones│Season 2││

│The Young Pope│Season 1││

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││

│One Day At A Time│Season 3││

│I Am The Night│Season 1││

     Watched

│The Favourite││2018│ Yorgos Lanthimos│ Olivia Colman, Emma Stone, Rachel Weisz │★★★★★│

This was so fucking funny and just good.

So there’s a little story time for this that I’ll get into further down the post.

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4││2012│ RuPaul│RuPaul, Michelle Visage│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★│

Fave One-liner This Season: “Yeah, well some of us don’t have to force story-lines to get air time” -Farrah Moan.

I am so mad at that ending, don’t talk to me. Also I was really hoping RuPaul would not be a judge on the new UK edition of Drag Race and I am nothing but disappointed.

this is my new fave drag race gif

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││2013│ Daniel J. Goor, Michael Schur│ Andre Braugher, Andy Samberg, Stephanie Beatriz│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★★│

This is great. I am actually all caught up! I really loved the episode that focused on Jake and Rosa solving an impossible case.

│One Day At A Time│Season 3││2017│ Gloria Calderon Kellett, Mike Royce│ Justina Machado, Todd Grinnell, Isabella Gomez│★★★★★│

I started watching this with mum and then binge watched the rest by myself and then got my aunt to watch the first two episodes of season 1 and then started watching the rest of season 3 with mum again.

│I Am The Night│Season 1││2019│ Patty Jenkins│ Chris Pine, India Eisley, Jefferson Mays│★★★★│

So I did start this but I’ve not been great and keeping up with new episodes…

I’m excited to see how it continues though!

│The Umbrella Academy│Episode 1││2019│ Jeremy Slater│ Ellen Page, Tom Hopper, David Castañeda │★★★★★│

This was a wild ride and I am looking forward to seeing how it goes.

│The Girl King││year│ Mika Kaurismäki│ Malin Buska, Sarah Gadon, Michael Nyqvist │★★★★★│

I mean at this point I might as well be on a hunt for sapphic royalty.

It was a bit made-for-tv-movie for me but I still enjoyed it.

│Russian Doll│Episode 1││2019│  Leslye Headland, Natasha Lyonne, Amy Poehler│ Natasha Lyonne, Charlie Barnett, Greta Lee│★★★★│

I had no idea what was happening but It was fun and I’m hoping to get to the rest of the season at some point.

│The Bold Type│Season 1││2017│ Sarah Watson│ Katie Stevens, Aisha Dee, Meghann Fahy│★★★★★│

I started this on the very last day of the month because I was anxious and sad and needed something to calm me down and make me happy… Or so I thought.

What I actually needed was a cathartic watch of women kicking ass and tackling lots of issue and to just cry and cry and cry which is exactly what I got from The Bold Type and I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!

     Music

Mostly I’ve just be listening to music I can belt out and cry…

│Dodie│Sick of Losing Soulmates│Monster│Human│She│Burned Out│Secret For the Mad│

│Troye Sivan│i’m so tired…│

│Noah Cyrus│Mad At You│Sadness│Good Cry│

│Julia Michaels│Anxiety feat. Selena Gomez│Happy│Deep│What a Time feat. Nail Horan│

│Lauren Jauregui│Expectations│

│Billie Ellish│idontwannabeyouanymore│lovely w/ Khalid│when the party’s over│

│Ruin My Life│Zara Larsson│

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Use Your Words Highlights

 2019 Ahead // It’s Twentybiteen, You Ready?

 January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

 February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!

 Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire

 Tag // The Library Lover’s Book Tag – I Am a Library Fiend

     Blogosphere Highlights

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│Opinion: Withdrawing My Support of ‘Woman in the Window’ & AJ Finn Is Creepy AF.│True Crime Tuesday: The San Francisco Witch Killers│

│Lauren @ Northern Plunder│Announcing Blogs & Tea | Online blogger help group│

│Rain @ BOOKDRAGONISM│HOW TO CONQUER YOUR TBR PILE IN SIX (OR SEVEN) WAYS│

│Destiny @ Howling Libraries│BEST OF 2018: HORROR│

│Jamieson @ Jamishelves│some of my favourite tropes in books│BOOK TAG (ORIGINAL): Books I WANT to read, but don’t want to READ│

│Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads│Heroine by Mindy McGinnis: A Harrowing Tale About Addiction│Ace Reading Recommendations from An Arm and A Meg! │The Ultimate YA Romance Reading Recommendation List: 80+ Romances to Fall In Love With This Valentine’s Day!│

│May @ Forever And Everly│Discussing Blogger Appreciation and the Lack of It: Analyzing Answers, Stats, and Graphs From a Survey I Made!│

│Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxxbooks│HOW TO: OUTLINE A BLOG POST│MY 10 STEP GUIDE TO GROWING YOUR BLOG│

│Marie @ Drizzle & Hurricane Books│HOW TO STAY POSITIVE WHILE BOOK BLOGGING│

│Marija @ Inside My Library Mind│The 5 Star Rating System: Why It Does (Not) Work and How I Rate Books│

│Kelly @ Just Another Book in the Wall│MY CONVERSION TO AUDIOBOOKPHILIA // FIRST LISTENING EXPERIENCE AND SURPRISES│THE VALUE OF TEEN VOICES IN THE BOOK BLOGGING COMMUNITY + PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT!│

│Shealea @ Shut up, Shealea│21 SAPPHIC ROMANCES THAT’LL MAKE YOUR HEART SOFT ON VALENTINE’S DAY│

│Swetlana @ The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│My Goodreads TBR Has 12 Books On It – Here’s Why│6 Reasons Why YOU Should Watch One Day At A Time│

│CW @ The Quiet Pond│Collab: Balancing Book Blogging and Life│

│Madeline @ Caffeine & Writing Dreams│How to Cut Adverbs for Stronger Writing // & When It’s Okay to Use Them│

│Kat @ Novels and Waffles│Stand Out Above The Crowd // 4 Ways To Make Your Free WordPress.com Theme Look Different From Everybody Else’s│My Branding Journey + Four Questions To Ask Yourself While Rebranding // ft. A Free Downloadable Checklist│How in the World I Make My Graphics // A Step-By-Step Tutorial│I Font It That Way // How to Choose the Right Font for Your Blog│By Any Other Name // 5 Steps That Will Help You Choose An Awesome Blog Name (ft. A Free Worksheet!)│This is The End // Q & A Session + A Secret Reveal│

Past Month In Review

 Month in Review // November – I Already Hate Christmas

 Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

 January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

Month’s Goals

 Start floor exercises

 Start regularly going for 40-minute walks

 Read 5-7 books

 Get my mental health plan

 Book a therapy session

 Service my car

 Get a massage from mum

 Try and take a mental health day

 Have my name change official!!!!!!

I know I did terribly but I kind of took a mental health weekend. I mean I worked both days but I just relaxed and didn’t go for my walks because I have a bad blister and I think my body just needed the break.

I Left the House

I had to get my car serviced on 7/2 and seeing as I can’t really rely on anyone to help me out and mum was working I had to drop off my car and then find a way to kill time without a car for several hours. So I decided to use my free birthday movie ticket and caught a train to the nearest cinema for that chain.

Two main positives from the whole adventure:

I took public transport for the first time in years and didn’t have an anxiety attack.

The Favourite was amazing.

And then I got my car back from the service and they told me everything that was wrong with it and how much it was going to cost and so that was no great and there were some tears and a panic attack but I don’t know. Hopefully I can work it out.

I was only 80 steps away from hitting 14000 steps on 12/2 so I’m very proud of that!

I Socialised

On 14/2 my aunt came to stay with use for a few days while my cousin was busy having her baby only 5 minutes away from us. In hospital. I feel like I need to clarify that… It’s my cousin’s second baby, he didn’t come until 16/2 I’m pretty sure, and he’s pretty cute I have to admit and hes very calming to be around like my nephew who’s birthday is only a couple of days before.

Speaking of my nephew. It was his birthday 14/2 see we visited him and hes walking around and his whole personality is changing now that he can run around and he’s just so cute I die a little every time I see him. I can’t believe he’s 1 already!

While my aunt was down she made mum and I dinner and cheesecake (15/2)!!!! The dinner was surf and turf which I’ve never had before and it was delicious! and the cheesecake she made from scratch, only going off what flavours I wanted, WITHOUT A RECIPE. My mum nearly died when she was told that. It was so good and I desperately want more… So basically now I have to try and visit her once a month just so I can have cheesecake.

I Did Things

I made myself some protein oat cups (19/2) from scratch WITHOUT a recipe and they’re actually really good considering I had no idea what the fuck I was doing???? It was also the day I officially got my new birth certificate and my name change was complete!!!!!! now I just have to do all the hard part which is changing everything. 

On 22/2 I cried and literally have no idea why. Like there wasn’t anything that triggered it…I just cried. I really need to book a therapy session…

On 25/2 I decided I needed to play the sims and then wasted basically a whole day because some of my mods/ccs were broken and so I was having to figure out which ones it was to get rid of them.

26/2 I actually got to play the sims and I just really needed it??? I also changed my licence over to my new name!!!

On the 27/2 I decided to open a new bank account with a different bank because I haven’t been that happy with my current one for a while. But i didn’t have enough points of ID yet so I can’t access the account…and I didn’t discover that until after I already gave the details to my work so thats where I was paid so that was NOT. GREAT. Thank god my mum could help me out with money until I paid again (hopefully in my old account until I get my new licence in the mail otherwise I’m??? Kinda?? Fucked???

So basically the 28/2 was me crying and fighting anxiety attack while on the phone trying to find SOME way to access my own money… It did not work… I hopefully it is all worked out next week but also I’m not holding my breath.

Past Month Ahead

 Month Ahead // December – I Already Hate It

 Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

 February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!

Outro

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│

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