#eh fuck it I'll just cook

[nyelaexe]

Going to talk to my psychiatrist about the fact that I buy food to cook then buy the exact same meal I was going to cook from a restaurant

[muirmarie]

something about getting to the end of something you're making and just like. reconciling yourself to the fact that it's kind of garbage. and then looking at it again a few days later and being like. actually. this is pretty good. and then you get so used to this cycle that when you're at the point of actively thinking something you're making is garbage...you're smart enough to know rationally that you're just In The Thick Of It and it will probably look pretty a-okay in a few days. you're a smart person! you understand this! but somehow. it still just looks like garbage. even though you KNOW what your brain is doing. you know it!! you understand!!!

anyway what's that called.

[welcometoteyvat]

arlecchino........

[astonmartinii]

a spoonful of sugar | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem chef!reader

cheffing it up all over the calendar

MASTERLIST | TIPS

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 124,509 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: WOAH WHAT IT'S OSCAR'S HOME RACE WEEK? that mean's it's time to whack out the aussie cook book mama piastri got me for christmas and man this fish has a cool name. BARRAMUNDI is a fish very commonly used in aussie cuisine (real ones know it from masterchef australia). so here i've pan seared it with some herbs and some lemons and take it from me it SLAPS, but you know what i hope slaps more? oscar this weekend... LET'S GO BABY

[as always this recipe is on my website and will be in my 2024 f1 calendar recipe book coming out soon]

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user1: FAVES OMG PARENTS

user2: my favourite thing is where i read intently all of y/n's recipe and continue to make pot noodles

yourusername: pot noodles are good i can't even be mad

oscarpiastri: can confirm it did in fact SLAP

yourusername: oh wow piastri stamp of approval that's basically a michelin star

oscarpiastri: tbf i would eat a roll of paper towels if it was you who gave it to me

yourusername: okay.... I'LL TAKE IT

user3: can we please study these people cause why is saying you'd eat paper towels is the pinnacle of romance

user4: i NEED the recipe book STAT

landonorris: i was on board with this whole cooking thing but FISH IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE

yourusername: oh boy we got a BABY ON THE LINE

landonorris: i'm allowed to like what i like my MUM said so

yourusername: bro is an elite athlete and exclusively eats chicken nuggies

landonorris: @oscarpiastri tell your girlfriend to stop bullying me

oscarpiastri: i'm on her side buddy maybe explore the culinary world

landonorris: that's it i'm going to HR

yourusername: try it girly the mclaren HR team LOVE my food

user5: the dynamics since oscar and y/n got comfortable in the sport are my favourite things

oscarpiastri

liked by logansargeant, landonorris and 793,288 others

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oscarpiastri: first time on the podium at my home race and the feeling is unreal. so thankful to have my family and love of my life around me, lets keep building on this !!

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user7: THANK THE LORD MCLAREN KEPT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER IN 2024 OSCAR FIRST WIN COMING IN FAST

yourusername: I AM TOTALLY FINE ABOUT THIS AND I AM NOT SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU AT ALL TIMES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

oscarpiastri: I LOVE YOU TOO SO MUCH AND I LOVE SHARING THIS WITH YOU AND SEEING THE WORLD WITH YOU AND REACHING OUR DREAMS TOGETHER

user8: are they good?

logansargeant: from the man currently waiting for them to go to dinner and can hear them yelling this stuff to each other... no they are not okay and i don't think they ever have been

yourusername: LOGIE BEAR I AM SORRY I CANNOT CONTAIN MY LOVE FOR OSCAR

oscarpiastri: jealous bitches gonna be bitter

logansargeant: ??? excuse me

oscarpiastri: i'm sorry i got excited... love you logan (just not as much as y/n)

user9: this comment section is once again making me want to sneak into an F1 after party :(

user10: they're just going to dinner they've not even started drinking yet 😭

landonorris: i am proud of you mate - why is y/n dancing around in the kitchen in an apron that says "this chef FUCKS"

yourusername: fashion. (it says oscar piastri in small print right under that)

landonorris: i didn't need to know that

oscarpiastri: let her dance it makes the food taste even better

landonorris: there's definitely no fish right?

yourusername: no fish by order of the fussy child

landonorris: bullying online and in person @maxverstappen1 @charles_leclerc @logansargeant STEP IN

maxverstappen1: eh i'm good i'm looking forward to dinner

charles_leclerc: you're on your own with this one lando

logansargeant: i've learnt not to cross y/n

user11: the piastris invited lando, logan and the rest of the podium? i am soft

yourusername

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yourusername: a big post podium celebration dinner at the piastri house to celebrate oscar's home podium. first off, super duper proud. second, since it was a strictly no fish evening, i decided to go for classic aussie meat pies and grilled kangaroo LOL but there was only clean plates at the end so i'll defo consider adding it to the recipe book

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user12: i am getting a sugar rush this is so sweet

logansargeant: thank you for having me, a solid 9/10 - one point docked because kangaroos are cute

yourusername: wait until you run into one on a cold, wet evening

oscarpiastri: they are actually very scary and have a stealing problem

yourusername: tbf i think we all have a stealing problem

oscarpiastri: you definietly do ... cause you stole my heart

logansargeant: EW NOT ON MY COMMENT THREAD

user13: i'm so lonely

maxverstappen1: i definitely did not think i was going to eat kangaroo this week but here we are

yourusername: did you like it?

maxverstappen1: i was shocked at how much i did

oscarpiastri: babe get that on the review cover of the recipe book this guy got three championships that has to mean something

yourusername: good idea i'm on it

maxverstappen1: ???

landonorris: you fed me kanga and roo from winnie the pooh? Y/N YOU FED ME KANGA AND ROO FROM WINNIE THE POOH?

yourusername: you eat chicken all the time and you don't feel sorry for chicken little

oscarpiastri: she ate you up there PUN INTENDED

landonorris: i've learnt my lesson i'm giving up here

charles_leclerc: i for one had a blast and will be asking for y/n to cater my birthday party

oscarpiastri: FOR A PRICE

charles_leclerc: you her guard dog or something?

oscarpiastri: duh? have you seen her?

yourusername: i would love to (idk monagasque cuisine though so give me notice)

yourusername

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yourusername: IMOLA, IMOLA MY HEART LIVES IN ITALIA AND MY STOMACH LIVES WITH ITALIAN FOOD. for real. the track is cute and whatnot but the real star is the pasta, the pizza, the gelato but most importantly the PASTA. here is two dishes that'll feature in the imola chapter: a burrata dish and a ragu !! oscar (and lando) certified so you know it's good, oscar even helped so it's defo beginner friendly!!

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user17: is it a collective f1 driver experience to be ass at cooking

danielricciardo: yes

maxverstappen1: yes

oscarpiastri: yes

landonorris: yes

charles_leclerc: YES

oscarpiastri: if i'm slow this weekend it's because i couldn't stop eating the ragu sorry mclaren

yourusername: i made sure no gelato until sunday so please don't take me out back and shoot me over giving him pasta

mclarenf1: bring some pasta for social media admin and no one has to know

yourusername: deal

landonorris: this is a public instagram comment section

charles_leclerc: why is mine always so darn crunchy

yourusername: inpatient, common amongst you drivers. oscar was once so impatient when boiling an egg he got it out and it was just watery egg

oscarpiastri: you said you wouldn't tell anyone :(

yourusername: no babe i'm proud !!! you've come so far

oscarpiastri: it's true i made my own omelette the other day :)

yourusername: and it was yummy

oscarpiastri: and it was yummy :)

user18: the positive affirmations in this relationship really keep me going

yourusername: he IS the MOST beautiful racer in all of the lands

oscarpiastri: she IS the PRETTIEST chef in all of the kitchens

oscarpiastri

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 775,431 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: not the race we wanted in spain, but we're still in good spirits and in the conversation at the top of the standings! also helps that when you get taken out of the race your girlfriend shovels the BEST paella ever into your mouth until you finally smile

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user19: bro got a girlfriend and personal chef all in one

yourusername: food is my love language and when babe gets twatted into the barriers by SOMEONE i will personally feed him some of his favourite food

user20: she's holding back

yourusername: PR said i couldn't say anything...

oscarpiastri: i love youuuuuuuuu and i love your paella i think it's laced with crack

logansargeant: @fia GET HIS ASS

yourusername: LOGIE BEAR?

logansargeant: i'm sorry, we're pretty desperate for the p7 here at williams

yourusername: i respect that

oscarpiastri: Y/N????

yourusername: MORE PAELLA

carlossainz55: big respect for the paella, definitely looks authentic

yourusername: OBVIOUSLY IT'S AUTHENTIC DO YOU THINK MY QUALIFICATIONS ARE A JOKE

yourusername: lol sorry thank you actually SPANISH F1 DRIVER APPROVED PAELLA

oscarpiastri: @fernandoalo_oficial can we get another good review please and thank you

fernandoalo_oficial: looks good, need a taste to be sure

yourusername: it's coming your way (please return the tupperware tho please)

mclarenf1: you'll come back stronger oscar 💪

oscarpiastri: fuelled by love and paella

yourusername: fuelled by VENOM AND THE WILL TO WIN AND CRUSH THE COMPETITION

oscarpiastri: and that 🫶

note: here's a short and sweet one that MAY return to finish out this fictional season ... i also just love this kind of set up for an imagine. it's a lil short i know but the CHRISTMAS CRAFTS ARE COMING IN FAST AND THE CROSS STITCH CHRISTMAS CARDS ARE SLAYING THE HOUSE DOWN

[thebearer]

Ugh I love your writing 🫶🫶 could you do something where the reader and Carmen have that asshole to everyone but his partner trope 🫶like the staff see how he acts around the reader when they drop by to see him during his lunch break and they’re in shock ?

yes yes yes!! I feel like that's such a good trope for him!!

"Guys, what did I tell you? House keeping, please, fuck!" Carmen yelled, running a frustrated hand through his hair, a chorus of "yes, chef!" following him.

"Hey, Carmy," Neil puffed, carrying the ladder towards the bathroom. "Your girl's in your office."

Carmen's eyes lit up, frustration dissipated at the sound that you were here, waiting for him- surprised him. "Thanks, Neil." Carmen grumbled, non-slip shoes padding across the floor, rounding the corner with an announcement, slipping into the office.

There you were, sitting in the chair, legs propped up on his desk, lazily flicking through recipes. "Hey," Carmen greeted, lips curling when he shut the door behind him. "What're you doin' here? I didn't know you were stopping by."

You spun towards him, feet clomping on the ground at the movement, a tiny smirk on your lips. "Came to see you." You hummed. "Thought I'd take up your offer tonight and come have family with you."

"Yeah?" Carmen's eyes lit up, bright and excited- still a little bashful, even after all the time you'd been together. "That's nice, real nice. I'm glad you came, baby."

You giggled, flinging the recipes on the desk, hands cupping either side of his head to pull him closer when he ducked down for a kiss. Your lips slotted over his, hands sliding through his hair to push him further into you. Carmen laughed into the kiss, hands reaching for your jaw, tilting your head up towards him.

"Stand up," Carmen muttered, lips moving against yours.

You obliged, switching places with him so he was in the chair, you straddling his waist. Your arms looped around his neck, his on your back, the other cradling your ass, sliding and squeezing over the fatty flesh there.

"Hey, cousin, time for fami- oh!" Richie recoiled, slamming the door just as quickly as he opened it. "Oh, for fuckssake, lock the door if you're gonna be nasty! Christ!"

"How about you knock!" Carmen shouted back, cheeks tinging with the red tint of embarrassment. You bit your lip, biting back a laugh. Carmen glared at you lightly. "That's not funny."

"It's a little bit funny, Carmy." You grinned, gently petting down a stray curl tugged out of place. "Like a teeny tiny bit." You pressed your fingers together for emphasis, ignoring his light snort of laugher.

"Richie's runnin' his mouth in there, you know that right?" Carmen muttered, hands smoothing sweetly down your waist.

You shrugged. "He always is."

"Yeah," Carmen laughed. "You're right about that, c'mon." He patted your ass lightly for you to get up. You grabbed his hands, tugging him lightly out of his chair, swinging your arms between the two of you.

"Who cooked tonight?" You asked, arms looped around his waist, padding down to the back room.

"Sydney." Carmen replied, grinning at your hum of satisfaction.

"Oh, everyone avert your fucking eyes, here they come." Richie announced loudly, turning to the table before him. "Cousin, that was fuckin' quick, eh?"

"Shut up." Carmen rolled his eyes, annoyed, pushing past Richie. He ignored the snickers from Tina, placing a hand on your back, pulling your chair out for you.

"Here, baby, you want a pop or somethin'?" Carmen asked you in a hushed tone, reaching to grab a glass from the spaces behind him.

"I'll just do water." You nodded towards the pitcher in the middle.

"Sure. You want lemon?" Carmen asked, pushing your hand away lightly when you went to pour your glass, a simple "I got it" that shouldn't have made you as flustered as it did. You blamed the make out session that got cut short.

Tina's eyes cut to Richie, watching the two of you whisper gently. Carmen looked relaxed, shoulders not tensed and eyes not darting. No, he was calm when he talked to you... maybe even sweet? The smiles he gave you certainly were.

Tina shrugged lightly at Richie, a smug, knowing smile on her face.

[tonyspank]

"CHEF'S HERE..."

Summary: "Chefs here..." a voice murmurs as you burst through the kitchen doors

Warnings: nothing really, chef y/n is giving gordon ramsay a bit

Words: 800+

A/N: hi everyone! been a while eh

"Chefs here..." a voice murmurs as you burst through the kitchen doors.

You cast a quick peek around. A dozen cooks and servers are preparing for the evening rush, and the air is humid and damp from the hot burners.

"Where's Evan?" You inquire, scouring the room for a sight of his familiar face among the pandemonium. The other cooks trade looks, displaying a mix of perplexity and fear.

Ava gestures at Evan, who is frozen in his trackers, as if he has just seen a ghost. His eyes widen, and he stares at you with his mouth open. You can watch the color drain from Evan's face as he cautiously approaches you, stuttering over his words.

Everyone in the room goes silent as they watch this unexpected meeting occur.

You rush over to him and take him by the elbow, forcing him to look at his plate, which had been returned due to the lobster being undercooked.

"What is this?" you question, pointing at the lobster. Evan moves his focus from you to the plate, his face shifting from panic to perplexity.

Everyone in the room is waiting for an explanation while he stammers, attempting to find the appropriate words to explain the situation.

"Uhhhh," Evan says, searching the kitchen for help.

"It's lobster, idiot," you snarl. "How long have you been here?" "Why do I have to deal with your messes all the time?"

Evan's face flushes with shame. "I... uh..."

"Don't say anything!" You cut him off with a snap.

He looks at you, perplexed.

"I break my fucking foot working my ass off in this restaurant, and the one day I need you to be on your A-game, of course you disappoint." Evan averts his gaze, his shoulders hunching.

Holding the lobster tail in front of his face, you seize it. "Apologize."

Evan's lips move in and out of uncertainty over how to reply. You snarl, "I said, apologize."

He glances at the lobster for a moment, then back at you, his expression bewildered.

"I'm... sorry?"

You turn to face the rest of the kitchen and aggressively toss the lobster in the garbage. "Someone, get me a fucking apron... now!"

You swiftly tie an apron around your waist after a server approaches you with one. Realizing that the other employees have seen your outburst, you observe them exchanging anxious glances as you make ready to return to work.

Taking a deep breath, you attempt to gather yourself and concentrate on the task at hand.

"Alright, everyone, listen up! It's time to turn this day around!" You say this, clapping your hands together.

The kitchen is silent, and the staff stands still, looking between you and Evan.

"Now," you point at the food on the stove, "someone give me a lobster; I'll prepare it myself."

No one moves.

"Well?" You demand, "We don't have all night! The dining room is packed, and we have tables that are waiting!"

At this point, the staff jumps into action, and the kitchen comes alive.

"Yes, Chef," someone mutters and hands you a plate with a lobster tail.

Within a couple of minutes, you're walking back out of the kitchen, your hair tied up and an apron wrapped around your waist, walking in the direction of the table that had originally ordered the lobster.

"Hi there, I'm so sorry about the delay. Can I offer you something on the house to compensate?" You ask, approaching the table, smiling apologetically, trying to mask the anger that is still coursing through you.

The brunette finally looks up, meeting your gaze. You immediately recognize those brown eyes.

"Y/N?" She asks, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Hey, Jenna." You say, letting out a small laugh. "What— what are you doing here? I thought you were in New York."

"Well, I wanted to surprise you." She laughs, shaking her head. "And what about you? I thought I told you to rest your foot."

You run a hand through your hair and mutter, "Baise-moi... (Fuck me...) Uh... it's a long story,"

With a lighthearted smile pulling at the corner of her lips, Jenna raises an eyebrow. Oh, gosh. She leans in closer and adds, "Well, I have all the time in the world to hear it."

You give your girlfriend a sidelong glance while sulking. "It's not that serious, baby. The boot helps a lot."

She sighs slightly and rolls her eyes. "You should be at home, resting."

"I'm fine." You sigh and cross your arms.

Jenna tilts her head, purses her lips, and raises her eyebrows.

"I swear, baby."

"Well, as much as I like the fact that you're here, I don't like the idea of you hurting yourself. Especially after how hard you worked."

You grin and nod slightly. "In any case, try the lobster. "Made by yours truly."

"Of course. Thank you, darling."

You nod and walk back to the kitchen, smiling at the sight of Jenna digging into the food you cooked.

"How'd it go?" Evan asks.

"It's my girlfriend," you tell him, untying the apron and setting it aside.

"What? The blonde one?"

"No, not the blonde one."

"The brunette one? Jenna Ortega?!"

You roll your eyes, grab your jacket and slip it on.

"Yeah, Evan, the brunette one," you say, pushing open the doors and making your way towards the exit.

"Oh."

[bitchfitch]

My mother's bf had a fairly major surgery (he's fine and recovering well DW) and he's going to be housebound for his birthday this year, so I've been enlisted to come up with a fancy birthday meal for the special birthday boy that's primarily fruit and veg, sweeter than savory, and is something he's never had before.

Bc I'm making watermelington. It's beef Wellington, but watermelon. bc my mom only found out recently you can use watermelon as a tuna substitute. And I know that you can substitute most higher quality beef cuts with tuna or salmon.... usually. Anyways the idea fascinates her so I'm hoping to use that for bonus points.

Now he's off his ass on pain killers so I can't like. Ask him if he's ever had something before. so to meet my brief I've decided to just. commit a novel hate crime against the British I guess.

Anyways. I'm writing this because I need to walk myself through this process and think it'll be surreal enough to be worth taking y'all along for.

So, Beef Wellington. In its most basic bitch arrangement is a beef tenderloin wrapped in prosciutto/really thin bacon, with a layer of mushroom and onion mush, that has been further wrapped in mustard slathered puff pastry.

We will be ship of Theseusing this. bc beef Wellington is like. the opposite of what he wants. Which is why it's funny.

Puff pastry-> it's still just puff pastry

this one doesn't have to change (aka I can't be fucked to do pastry prep and I'm just gonna use store bought it's Fine.)

the prosciutto is also just going to be prosciutto.

Thin meat

Beef tenderloin-> watermelon,

Tbh this is a pretty 1 to 1 substitution. I'll bake the slices at like. 250-300 for an hour or so ahead of the rest of prep to dry it out a bit. bc you can't like. Sear watermelon to seal in the water like you can beef. By definition it's a very wet fruit (like me when I fall into the lake). Ill Add salt and chili and lime juice while baking maybe. this is the easy part

The mushroom mush-> salsa done bad style

As the word mush implies, this is meant to be a very soft mix. It adds a lot of nuttiness to the wellington that rounds out all of the salt from the meats. I'm replacing it with white person salsa(the birthday boy can't handle spice). Tomato, lime juice, parsley, avocado, cucumber, feta, and maybe mango so I can have an excuse to have a lil mango treat. I said I wasn't making it spicy. I'm still putting a bit of chili in it. bc it'll be better like that. This is also a ridiculously wet bit of mush, Even the original mushrooms have too much water. I'll figure something out.

Mustard -> jelly

He lives in a big city. those preserve sections are massive. I'll find a weird one. maybe apricot.

Prep:

We're in the mind palace kitchen, I have not attempted any of this. We're just thinking real hard about it and I'll edit as needed on the day and post results.

The watermelon

Preheat oven to eh. 300f? We want low and slow to dry things out without it taking a year. but idk what his oven is like. If it's gentle I'll bump it up another ten-twenty.

Slather some watermelon slices in salt chili powder and lime juice mixture.

bake for 30 min on a wire rack or directly on the oven racks (after cleaning thoroughly) if he doesn't have a wire rack. with a drip try underneath to catch the drippage. check frequently. Have one slice that's for being poked to see if it's approaching being meat. Bake longer if needed.

Salsa bad style

chop everything up and add it to a pan with some oil in it. Tbh I don't think the type of oil you use for cooking matters if you're not like, getting near any smoke points. Most people can't tell the difference unless you made your food bland as hell.

Anyways there's some wildly different moisture contents on the list so there has to be an Order to cook off as much water as possible without getting yucky.

Tomatoes and cucumbers go in together with some salt to get the cucs softening, then the mango chunks and lime juice. Once most of the water is gone the avocado feta and parsley can go in. There is a good amount of water in avocados but they're delicate and don't pan fry well, so we're just going to ignore their water crimes and hope for the best. They just need to be evenly mixed through the rest of the mush.

Putting it together

lay out the puff pastry, cut into sections to wrap each watermelon slice individually with.

Slather in jam

Take the prosciutto and lay it out on half of each section of the pastry,

spoon the salsa onto that

Melon

Another layer of salsa

another layer of thin meat

Fold the pastry over the top and pinch the edges bc watermelon slices are not a rollable shape and I don't want to carve a watermelon into a tube for this because that sounds irritating.

Brush with egg wash and more parsley

Cook in oven following the pastry's preferred temp and time. it's fucking watermelon, you're not getting ecoli from it.

watermelington :)

I'm serving it with baked sweet potatoes and spinach based salad with whatever toppings are left over from making the salsa.

anyways thank you for joing me on this thought experiment. I will post updates once the deed is done. I'm sorry to every British person ever.

[cyberpersonstranger]

𝑲𝑨𝑻𝑺𝑼𝑲𝑰 𝑩𝑨𝑲𝑼𝑮𝑶

𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑶𝑵𝑺 !💥! 𝑮.𝑵 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹

𝑷𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑶𝑵𝑰𝑪/𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋. 𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑪. 𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾

𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂/𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋↴

I think this whole fandom agrees Katsuki is a damn good cook. His specialty foods are omurice and karaage, but he makes amazing soups too. If you ever ask for any of his recipes he'll deny you all the way, but if you ask him to MAKE you something he'll agree after a bit of convincing.

"Tch. Fine dumbass, you're cleaning the mess though."

Constantly cracking his knuckles and neck. He doesn't care who it's in front of or who likes it and who doesn't. He'd prefer doing it in front of people who dislike it though, he enjoys making them annoyed or pissed off. If you ask him about it he'll respond as if everyone cracks their knuckles and neck as much as he does.

"What, do you not crack your fucking knuckles like a normal person?"

Definitely the type of person to fight over who plays aux whilst being in the car. Unless someone has similar music taste to him if anyone dares to even touch the aux he'll start yelling, maybe even making small explosions. I can see him listening to 90s-early 2000s nu metal or rock, most likely I.C.P or Limp Bizkit, possibly Slipknot.

"Start playing Limp Bizkit or else I'll explode you all the way to hell."

If you and Katsuki share the same costume design company (meaning you'll share with Uraraka too) he'll most likely try to boast to you about how much better his costume is. His equipment? Oh so much better, so much more helpful compared to yours. The design? Cooler too, much more awesome than yours.

"Pff my gauntlets are more badass than whatever the hell you have going on."

If you purposely try to get his attention by touching him he'll swat at you. If you even TAP his shoulder prepare for a nice hit on your wrist before you can even take your finger off him. Touching his back to let him know your presence will earn you a hit too, most likely a harsher hit.

"Don't touch me. Idiot."

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 ↴

If you read the platonic hcs, once you start dating Katsuki you quickly learn why he doesn't like being touched, even if it's subtle. He's embarrassed about how much his body sweats because of his quirk and trust me, he'd never ever admit it. You begin picking up on this when you learn he showers multiple times a day. and when he's constantly wiping his hands off with an ashamed look on his face. Even while in a relationship he isn't too keen about being a touched.

"Yeah I shower 3 times a day, so what."

He's the biggest show off you'll ever date. He just got done stretching? He's crossing his arms in that black tank-top, flexing his biceps to you. He's training with you and Midoriya? He's quick to show off his quirk abilities and even quicker sending Midoriya to Recovery Girl. He's prideful about it too, he'll definitely say something if you just stare at him while he's showing off.

"You like my biceps eh? You're eyeing them like you're gonna fucking eat me."

Katsuki is far from being the best at words, and with him not easing in to touch until later in the relationship it's difficult for him to show he appreciates and loves you. He tries to show his appreciation by gift giving. His parents are both loaded, I mean have you seen the Bakugo home? If you mention something expensive you've been wanting he's fast to make sure it's in your hands by the end of the week. If you say you like his yummy food he's suddenly cooking you dinners a few times a week.

"I uh.. made you some miso soup. Here moron."

He actually tries to be nicer to you compared to how he treats Kirishima and the others. Nothing too sappy, maybe a "you look.. nice?" here and there. If you end up smiling from his attempts he's quick to get both defensive and possibly even flustered.

"Why're you smiling at me like that!? That was barely a compliment!"

Sometimes you'll catch him staring at you. While staring, he wonders how you deal with his temper, how snarky he is, how unaffectionate he can be. Once you notice his stare he quickly looks away. If you ask about his glare he'll deny it through and through.

"No I wasn't staring at you, idiot. You're going crazy."

𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 ↴

𝐓𝐖𝐬: nsfw obviously, CHARACTER AGED UP, praise kink

Despite his tough ass demeanor I feel like Katsuki's a rather caring lover during intimacy. He's always making sure you like what he's doing and makes sure you're okay. Even if you're a babbling wreck he still wants to make sure he doesn't make you uncomfortable.

"This okay with you?" (He's says as he's just pressing gentle kisses against your neck.)

He's not very vocal whatsoever. Going down on his pretty cock? He's biting back moans and only allowing very quiet whimpers to come out of his lips. Taking it so well as he pounds into you? He's stopping himself from groaning by kissing you with such desire. If you tell him it's okay and you want him to be vocal he'll shake his head and deny you.

"No screw that! Moaning is for weaklings I don't need to be loud as hell just to fuck you. "

Katsuki loves praise while in bed. He want's to know he's doing good, he wants to know and that nobody else can make you feel the way he makes you. If you praise him enough he'll roughen up his pace just a bit. Okay, maybe a lot. Praise really gets him going.

"Tell me I'm fucking you nicely, just tell me I'm good god dammit!"

I apologize for the NSFW section, I'm not the best writer for that subject. I hope you guys enjoy this because I'm debating on doing Amajiki or Kaminari next lmao.

[wileys-russo]

please can you write a little fic about Leah’s beanie in her most recent insta post, like her gf thinking she looks cute and making her post a pic or taking the piss out of Leah for posting a pic in the beanie x

garden gnome II l.williamson

"god its fucking freezing!" you shivered, subbed off with ten minutes to go as your body finally cooled down from all the running, the brisk london air sharp as needles as the wind blew on and you collapsed onto the subs bench.

"thank you less." you sighed in relief as alessia handed you your puffer, the blonde sending you a smile as the two of you leaned into one another a little more to stay warm, lia joining in on your other side.

all three of you jumped to your feet buzzing with new energy as the whistle finally blew announcing your victory. "steffyyy!" you cheered loudly, jumping on the older girls back who stumbled but let out a laugh as you kissed her cheek and hopped down.

"if you play like that with jet lag we're sending you back to melbourne for the week." you teased as she hugged you properly. "puddin points are best cooked under pressure." caitlin flung an arm over your shoulder with a grin as she and steph high fived.

you were flanked by lotte, vic and alessia as you did your thank you lap, clapping to the fans as you caught your girlfriends eye in the stands, clapping up at her making her roll her eyes with a smile as she chatted away to ellie who gave you a wave.

"lovesick much." alessia teased, bumping her shoulder into yours as vic echoed her word making you stick your tongue out at them. "look at her all bundled up and in her little beanie, she's so cute i just wanna go and give her a cuddle." you sighed still looking up at her.

"oi! jealous much?" you pushed vic who gagged at your words, the force of your push sending her tumbling onto her bum as she glared up at you. "run." alessia patted your shoulder as you took off, a string of angry dutch following you as the two of you raced in laps around the pitch until she caught you and punched you sharply in the arm, the team all called in for a huddle.

"hello gorgeous." a pair of arms tightly wound round you from behind as you settled happily into the extra warmth, tilting your head back and smiling up at the older blonde. she stayed holding onto you as you all bunched up for the post match talk, her hands only moving to clap loudly as jonas finished up talking.

"mum wants to see you." leah mumbled with a kiss to your cheek, nodding for you follow her as you both made your way into the fast clearing stands. "amanda!" you grinned as the woman pulled you into a tight hug. "love you played brilliantly! even if leah wouldn't shut up with her personal coaching the entire match." she rolled her eyes as leah protested the accusation.

"oh i've no doubt once we're home i'll get the full debrief on everything i could have done better. gaffa williamson loves to come out after a win!" you teased, leah pinching your sides with a stern look as you only smiled, pecking her lips.

"try raising her, every single little thing gets feedback even if you don't ask for it. for someone who can't cook god she just loves to critisise everyone else who can!" amanda added on with a dramatic sigh.

"yeah i bought the wrong brand of ham the other week. should have heard how she moaned about it for days!" "used to yell directions at me and scream for me to go faster when i drove her to training every week, as if i didn't drive her there every week."

"right fuck off what is it pick on leah day! i'm injured here thanks how bout a bit of sympathy?" your girlfriend huffed, crossing her arms with a scowl. "oh sorry baby i forgot how sensitive you are. is everyone being mean to you?" you continued to tease, pinching her cheeks in your hands as amanda watched on fondly.

"you look so cute in your beanie lee lee, my little garden gnome." you cooed mockingly, smooshing her face in your hands as her eyes burned into you with a murderous glare. "gnome-o and juliet eh?" amanda grinned making you high five her with a cheer.

"mum! god don't fucking don't encourage her she's relentless." leah groaned, pulling you into a headlock as you smacked her stomach through the three layers she was bundled in. "you love it." she let you up and pulled you into a tight hug, her arms curled around your neck and resting on your shoulders as the two of you chatted with her mum for a bit.

"oh i need a photo before i go! to mark the win." amanda was about to leave as she perked up, pulling out her phone as she tucked herself in beside you, leahs chin resting on the top of your head as the three of you smiled happily and amanda took a few selfies.

"beautiful. i'll see you both round for dinner yeah?" she reminded firmly as you nodded. "yeah we'll be round after five mum, i'll pick grandma up on the way." leah confirmed as amanda beamed, hugging you both goodbye as the three of you descended from the stands.

you and leah hung around for another half hour chatting with your team mates, cuddled into one another the entire time as you battled the ongoing teasing from your team mates, both claiming you were just keeping one another warm.

"what are you doing now?" leah sighed as you both made her way toward her car and you dropped her hand, pulling out your phone and ordering her to pose.

"capturing the memory. i'm gonna start a little garden gnome scrapbook of all your beanie pictures, this ones disappointingly not as pointy as normal but you still look adorable." you beamed snapping a few photos of her as you reached her car, the back lot where the players parked basically almost empty.

"leah!" you laughed as she huffed and yanked off her beanie, hair tied back into a low and loose bun as she pulled her hood up and advanced on you. "hi baby." you grinned as she pushed you against the side of her car, smile tugging at her lips as her arms caged you in.

"lee!" you laughed again as she tugged her beanie down over your head, covering your eyes and attacking your face with kisses as she held the material down on your head and you struggled to push her away.

"whose the little garden gnome now?" leah sung out, flipping up the edge of the beanie so your eyes were free to meet hers, the blonde giving you a dazzlingly bright smile. "still you, you've got the pointy cone head not me." you shrugged, tapping on the top of her head as her mouth formed a small o of offence.

"what am i going to do with you?" leah tutted, shaking her head with a sigh. "kiss me and never stop." you whispered, hands grabbing the sides of her hood and pulling her mouth to meet yours. though before anything got carried away she gently intertwined your hands and pulled away.

"oh just you wait till we get home cheeky girl."

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

I have another brainrot cooking, so in the meantime, have this:

Alrighty, so the new archon who's name I can't remember, right?

From what I've seen of them, they're pretty cocky and prideful.

I can imagine when The Creator visits their nation, they just flirt with The Creator every chance they get

And the other archons (except for Venti because he does it too even though it's to a smaller scale) are just HORRIFIED awaiting The Creator's reaction.

Now The Creator does not give a shit and just fucking FLIRTS BACK

And all of the archons (except for her because she's smug asf) are just:

OMG FURINA & CREATOR RIZZING FR LOL I LOVE THIS. If only I had good flirting skills, man—I'll have to lightly go over that part 😔 SOBBING. MY SKILL ISSUES—

@royalrose2011 THIS IS SO GOOD THOUGH—

Furina Flirting w/ Creator: Archon Reactions?

Furina be slaying out here fr—and you're living it! When did she become—

The other Archons are being caught off guard.

(Warning: Might be OOC!)

Venti

Man is flabbergasted. I mean, he knows he does the same thing and all that—flirting with you and stuff—but to see Furina just flirt in every single moment she gets, every single moment you're in HER nation—holy cow!

He's both amazed and shocked! He should write a poem about this! This was a thing to remember for the ages!

And perhaps he should show this to Zhongli and Ei to watch them wither. And he should present it to you! You love his poetry, and you certainly tolerate his little flirting too!

"Ehe, this bard has found the inspiration for a new ballad! I'll be right back, everyone! Good luck, blockhead Zhongli!" Cheery boi goes on his merry way to write the best poem the Creator has ever seen.

Safe to say it was worth the wait. You absolutely loved it.

Zhongli

He got a heart attack, seeing Focalors flirting with you so shamelessly. This was blasphemous! Even Venti, that absolute airhead, wouldn't go this extreme!

Children these days, and their lack of mannerisms. Zhongli can only sigh, sip his tea, and try his best to not throw a rock at the Hydro Archon. At least she's keeping you in good spirits and amused.

"Lady Furina, please don't get into Their Grace's personal space too much. Allow them so breathing space, please." If he thinks Furina is trying to get a little too close to you, Zhongli will plant his foot down. He has meteors to send as warning if Furina would not bid to these warnings.

Raiden Ei

Aside from the Puppet Shogun's general dislike to how close Furina was (Ei can't blame the Puppet Shogun), Ei feels real uncomfortable watching Furina getting all confident around you.

She's not uncomfortable of the flirting—after all, she too also deals with Venti's dealings, but Furina was a whole new level she has yet to fully understand.

"Furina. Watch yourself." Bodyguard Ei—that's her new job now. She's trying to give you that personal space you need that Furina is trying to take. "I will not hesitate to strike twice." If there's anything sketchy going on that Furina does, Ei is stepping in with her Musou no Hitotachi, no excuses.

She really does know how you tolerate this.

Nahida

She's in between giggling at Furina's antics and entirely shocked with how well you're taking it.

She thought you would've...how should she describe it...dislike how confident and smug Furina was doing. Then again, you were also tolerating all of Venti's antics too...

Nahida isn't really sure what to do, to be honest. While she loves Furina for keeping The Almighty Creator amused, she doesn't know how she feels about the constant flirting. In a sense, you were spending more time in Fontaine than anywhere else now!

"Your Grace, can you come hang out with me for a little while?" Nahida asks you with this cute little pout. "I would like to spend more time with you too in my nation!" And boy, are you now conflicted. Furina being a slay queen, or Nahida being cute child—who would you want to spend more time with?

Furina

While she appears confident and smug, she is most, upon all else, stoked and ecstatic of the fact you love her antics! Now, was that a new perspective she has yet to see!

With her keeping you around her awesome, extravagant nation, she can show all of Teyvat how her nation was the best nation of all time! And the popularity of Fontaine itself was increasing—more mora for her economy!~

Of course, she had it all planned out from the start! Who could make such a masterpiece and grand operation other than the Hydro Archon herself?

"Your Ever-Elegant Almighty Grace!~ Please, Allow I, Focalors, the Hydro Archon of Fontaine and God of Justice, send us off with these fine cakes. You are, however, by far, sweeter than any divine dessert!~" You snicker, liking the way this is going. Furina is even more cocky and smug when the other Archons try to intervene and take your attention away from her.

She has truly become the god that outshined all of Celestia. Hoho, the way their faces looked! She's absolutely stoked!

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: It feels great to be motivated! I hope you like this post :D I find this one real amusing LOL—Furina would really do this. If Furina would flirted with me, I honestly wouldn't know how I would feel LOL. I still love Furina though—high hopes that when Furina is out, Furina Wanters will be Furina Havers!~

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

[bi-panicatthedisco]

Random incorrect twst first-year quotes I saved

Deuce: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip!

Ace: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill!

Yuu: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out!

Jack: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times!

Sebek : Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up!

Epel: Throw a brick at someone to kill them!

Yuu: Time for plan G.

Jack: Don’t you mean plan B?

Yuu: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Epel: What about plan D?

Yuu: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Sebek : What about plan E?

Yuu: I’m hoping not to use it. Deuce dies in plan E.

Ace: I like plan E.

*when the Squad drops food*

Deuce: Eh, oh well.

Epel: FIVE-SECOND RULE!

Ace: FUCK!

Jack: *just gets more food*

Yuu: *drops to their knees and mourns the food*

Sebek : *eats the food off the ground*

*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*

Sebek, Jack, and Deuce: *spinning a little and talking*

Epel, Ace, and Yuu: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

Epel: The floor is lava!

Jack: *helps Sebek onto the counter*

Ace: *kicks Deuce off the sofa*

Yuu: *lays on the floor*

Epel: ...Are you okay?

Yuu: No.

Jack: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Yuu, watching Sebek screaming, Ace trying to set a sleeping Deuce on fire, and Epel choking on air: I don't know either.

Deuce: We need to distract these guys

Ortho: Leave it to me

Ortho: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Yuu, Ace, and Epel: *Immediately begin arguing*

Jack, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

'Can I copy the homework?'

Ortho: I can help you with it!

Deuce: Yeah, sure.

Yuu: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Ace: lol nope.

Epel: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Jack: *Read 5:55pm*

Yuu: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Ortho: >:O language

Deuce: Yeah watch your fucking language

Epel: OKAY WHO TAUGHT DEUCE THE FUCK WORD?

Ace: 'The fuck word'.

Sebek: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Deuce: Oh my god they censored it

Epel: Say fuck, Sebek.

Ace: Do it, Sebek. Say fuck.

Yuu: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!

Jack: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Deuce: More or less, I guess...

Ortho: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!

Epel: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.

Ace: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

Yuu, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Ace: Hey.

Deuce: Hi.

Jack: Hello.

Ortho: Hey!

Yuu: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Epel: We were out of Doritos.

Ortho: Hewwo.

Ace: Hihiiiiii!

Sebek: Greetings, Humans.

Jack: Three kinds of people.

Deuce: I want pudding.

Jack: Four kinds of people.

Yuu: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?

Jack: Five kinds of people.

Yuu: Would you slap Deuce-

Ace: Yes.

Yuu: I didn't even finish!

Ace: Sorry, continue.

Yuu: Would you slap Deuce for 10 dollars?

Ace: I would do it for free.

Deuce: Rude...

Epel: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!

Epel: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

Grim: Tomorrow’s the Cooking Contest. Yuu always tells me one thing every year. They say, “You might win if you’d stop eating your entry!” But how would I know whether it’s an award-winning dish without tasting it first? This may be a problem humanity will have to grapple with for eternity…

Ace: It’s funny how well you and Sebek get along. Didn’t they hate you at first?

Yuu: Sebek hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

Deuce: Where's Epel?

Yuu: Don't worry, I'll find them.

Yuu, shouting: Jack sucks!

Epel , distantly: Jack is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Yuu: Found them.

Yuu: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.

Grim : Mine just says "Grim no."

Yuu: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Yuu: I have an idea.

Jack: A good idea?

Yuu: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Ortho: You believe me?

Yuu: Ortho, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Yuu: I give up. I am so tired.

Ace: Get the emergency supply!

Ortho: *carries Grim and places them in front of Yuu*

Grim: *smiles*

Yuu: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

[hunterbunter3000]

SWEETHEART HAS A WOMB TATTOO????!!!!

YUUPPPPP

Womb tattoos are my everything. I want one EXTREMELY badly, so Sweetheart has one LOL

I got an example that show yall what I'm talking about!

I'm in love.

Tw: talk about scars (under the cut)

Omfg Soap was so shocked when he saw it. (He was the first one to see it) and he's been in love with it ever since. Like-- it's an obsession LOL

He bugs her about it CONSTANTLY

Soap: You sure I can't see it?

Soap: Maybe I'll finish my task if I could take a peek at ye tattoo, eh?

Soap, panicking: Is your tattoo okay?

Sweetheart: Suds, I got shot.

Soap: Yeah but is the tattoo okay?

Soap, laying on her lap: Y'know if I got a lil' peek at your tattoo, my crops would be watered.

Sweetheart: WOULD YOU S T O P WITH MY TATTOO

Soap, whining: I WANNA SEE IT AGAAIINNNN

Sweetheart: NO ONCE WAS ENOUGH

Soap's outbursts about Sweet's tattoo has been making everyone SO CURIOUS like what tattoo are you talking about

So she sighs and shows them, pulls up her shirt and they see THAT PICTURE

AND THEY SEE THAT PICTUUUREE

Babes, Roach and Horangi pass out. HA

Ghost and Price were so bug eyed omg

Krueger broke his glass- like it SHATTERED in his hand

Rudy and König got nosebleeds and Alex turned so red he looked like he exploded

Gaz and Alejandro are no where to be found (they just left and took a breather) and Soap is fucking TAKING PICTURES

Price: You have a womb tattoo.

Sweetheart: Yup.

Price: A Succubus. Womb tattoo.

Sweetheart, smirking: Honestly surprised y'know about that, Cap.

Price, turning red: I--

Ghost: Is that the only one you have?

Sweetheart: Nah, I have more

Soap: WAIT YOU HAVE MORE

Sweetheart: YES I HAVE MORE-- But you aren't gonna see 'em. All of them cover alot of scars I have. Especially this one.

Her hand goes over the womb tattoo and Soap now notices the long horizontal scar that lays on her brown skin. It's a lighter color, and you can see the small hump of new skin.

They all saw the far away look in her eyes, and made themselves a goal to appreciate her body HEHEH (and try to see the rest but that's a side mission)

And now they're all obsessed with that tattoo- I WOULDN'T BLAME THEM

So when König sleeps on Sweetheart, he would peek under her shirt and just stare at it with heart eyes until he feels a slap on his head and sees Sweets frown at him

And then she would grit out "put my damn shirt back down and go to sleep" like a mom telling you to back that candy LOL and he would whine and be all sad like a PUPPY

And Krueger-- so disrespectful 😒

Krueger would feel her hips and then lift up her shirt and just stare at it while Sweetheart would yell at him. He would chuckle and sigh "You know you don't have to hide yourself from me. Meine kleine Göttin, you're perfect inside and out." He lays her down on his bed and his thumbs caress the tattoo. Her breath hitches, "Krueger--" He hums, pulling up his hood to his nose, showing off his pink scarred lips. "My words aren't getting through you." He bends down and kisses the middle of the heart. Sweetheart flinches from the soft feeling, especially from such a low area. Krueger has a job to do, and he's gonna do it right. "So how about I show you instead?"

Uhm- 🧍‍♀️yeah LMAOO

The others just stare and sneak in some touches alot. Like passing by her, especially Ghost omg he would shimmy behind her, rasping out " 'cuse me" and his hands would slide to the middle of her womb and caress it-- and then he would leave 🧍‍♀️BITCH--

Rudy would subconsciously rest his hands there. Like if she's cooking, he would come behind her and ask questions, not knowing that his hands found their way to the tattoo 💀 OMG he would become so damn red when Sweetheart points it out. He doesn't mean to do it, it just HAPPENS (he's so cute tho)

Roach would wait. Like- he would wait until she's comfortable showing it to him. Since he knows she has a soft spot for him, it won't be that long 💅✨️ And she would pat his head while rubbing his face into the tattoo 💀

Horangi and Alex would ask about it more than wanting to see it. (I mean ofc they want to see it-- it's fucking hot) Alex would have sad eyes, listening on how she got the scar and try to cover it, and Horangi would trace the tattoo while Alex would trace the scar. Ugh they make me weak

Gaz would be too flustered to even ASK about it-- if he saw her shirt ride up he would immediately look away and clear his throat (he would have to go to the bathroom LOL)

Price would just stare at it, fantasies going wild 💀

Soap, OBVIOUSLY, would still be obsessed with it. Ugh he would gush about it and ask questions while tickling Sweetheart

Soap, smug: When d'ya get it done, eh? Hm?

Sweetheart, getting tickled: HEHEHEH I-- ACK- I GOT IT DONE AT MY H-HOME TOWN

Soap, grinning and still tickling her: Oohhh, and where are your others? Tell me tell me

Sweetheart: SOAP YOU-- FILTHY BITCH IM NOT- AHHAHAHA IM NOT TELLING YOU

Soap: You will soon, Bonnie!

And she would just show it to Graves. Like legit, he just asked him if he wants to see something and then shows him the tattoo. And she's so MEAN- telling him that no one would believe him that he saw it, and would just walk away while he's still processing what he just saw

OMG AND KEEGAN

He's so-- I love him too GOD he honestly saw it accidentally, he saw all of them accidentally 💀 he walked in on her while she was changing and he wanted to die. They were both freaking out, Keegan apologizing every second and Sweetheart saying it's okay while frantically getting dressed and trying not to fall (his favorite is her sleeves and the womb) no one knows this happened

Keegan, still flustered: We bring this to our Graves.

Sweetheart: Agreed.

[juanarc-thethird]

The year of the rabbit Ruby

Jaune: *He is walking with a plate of dumplings* I'm going to ask Ren if these dumplings are good or not. I don't want to look bad on the mere day of the Chinese New Year.

Without him noticing, a foot comes out of one of the rooms in the hallway he is walking and he trips over it. Dropping his beloved dumplings on the floor.

Jaune: My dumplings!!

Ruby: *Feeling bad* Sorry Jaune, I didn't know you were carrying something!

Jaune: *looking at his dumplings* It took me so long to cook them.

Ruby: I'm really sorry! I just wanted to show you a costume I bought!

Jaune: *Depress* A whole day searching and preparing the ingredients… for what?

Ruby: I will make it right! I swear!

Jaune: It's okay Ruby, you didn't know. You do not need-

At that moment Ruby had walked in front of him and grabbed his face so he could see her.

Ruby: Hey, if I say that I'm going to make it right, it means I'm going to make it right!

Jaune: *Blushing* W-What are you wearing?

Ruby: *Smiling* It's the costume I mentioned to you. Do you like it?

Jaune: *Looking at her chest*

Ruby: Jaune?

Jaune: Wha-?! Um! I wasn't looking!!

Ruby: *smug*

Jaune: I wasn't looking at your boobs! I swear!

Ruby: I think I know how I can pay you~

She moved her hand to her chest.

Jaune: What are you-!!!

She pulled down her top, revealing her perky breasts.

Jaune: *Red* Wow~

Ruby: *giggles* Honestly, my plan was to seduce you little by little until you lost control. But I don't mind going straight to the main course. So what do you say? Do you want to try my dumplings?

Jaune:....

Moments later.

Ruby: Oh Fuck!~💕💕!!

Ruby is sitting on Jaune's lap, with her legs resting beside him. Both on the edge of the bed and naked. The two hug each other tightly as she jumps. Sliding his cock deep inside her, while her thighs and ass bounce erotically like a freshly made pudding.

Jaune: *Sucking on her tits*

Ruby: Jaune, if you suck too hard I'm going to- Aahh!!!💕💕

Jaune grabbed Ruby's ass and started helping her move quickly on his member.

Ruby: Jaune wait! It's too much for me! Go slower please!💕

Jaune stares into her eyes.

Jaune: I'm going to cum a lot inside you.

Ruby: Eh?!!

Jaune: I'm going to get you pregnant.

Ruby: Wait! Hold on! This was not what we agreed to! I'm too young to be a mom! Ah~💕!

Jaune: Have my baby, Ruby.

Ruby: Don't say that! If you say that, I… I!… 💕!~

He begins to increase the intensity of his thrusts

Ruby: 💕!!Oh GOD!!💕

Jaune: Get pregnant, Ruby! Get fucking pregnant with my child!

Ruby: I will! I'll have your baby! Shoot your seed inside me, please!!!

Jaune: Fucking take it!!

Ruby: AAHHH!!💕~💕~

Jaune pulls her in, inserting his entire member deep inside her. His hot cum shoots out, filling every corner of her uterus until it completely overflows. Her orgasm is too great for her that she just hugs Jaune tightly with her arms and legs. Resting her head on his shoulder, moaning in his ear. After a moment, Jaune checks on her.

Jaune: Ruby, are you okay?

Ruby: *Tired* That *huff* was *huff* incredible.

Jaune: You look tired Why don't we rest a little?

Ruby: Yes please.

Jaune: Ok then.

Jaune moves to the center of the bed without separating from her and they lie together, she on top of him.

Ruby: I love you...💕~ *Falls at sleep*

He caresses her head.

Jaune: I love you too.

[thebearer]

please can i request reader being carmy's taste tester? something sweet and cute please i love your writing

omg thank you so much!!!!! <3 yes! fluffy taste tester blurb ahead with carmen berzatto! just an inside look at his banter with you!

"Ok, taste this." Carmen gave a final stir to the pot on the stove, tapping it firmly on the side before reaching for the small spoon.

You swung your legs, contently perched on the counter beside him- well, not beside him bc Carmen was sort of a maniac in the kitchen, a little chaotic and bounding around when he got in his rhythm. You sat out of the way, but close enough to still watch him, how electric and excited he got cooking. It made your chest swell.

"What's this one?" You hummed, leaning forward while Carmen came towards you, one hand cupping underneath the spoon to stop spillage, the other holding the spoon delicately.

"Uh, same thing. Added the cream and shallots to it, might add those black cherries if it still needs some sweetness..." Carmen rambled out loud, his mind already whirring with what he could add next.

You smiled, placing your hand on his wrist gently. "I thought the last one was good. Perfect." You added.

Carmen gave you a look, pointed and a little playful. "C'mon, it's not perfect." He shook his head. "Too salty with the veal and the steak. Maybe if it was salmon or chicken, something a little lighter it'd be alright, but-"

You giggled lightly, Carmen cutting himself off. He flushed, shaking his head lightly at his own ramble, lips curling with your infectious laugh. "Just open up for me."

You unhinged your jaw, eyes on Carmen's while he guided the spoon into your mouth, free hand cradling your cheek sweetly. You let the sauce swirl on your tongue, really taste it like Carmen was always yapping that you should.

"Mmm..." You hummed, eyes fluttering closed, the blend of spices and creams and sauces all dancing in a melody on your tongue. You weren't a chef, not by any means. You could barely make eggs, but you appreciated that Carmen valued your opinion.

"Good?" Carmen's eyes lit up, tinging with excitement for your approval.

"Really good." You nodded, beaming at him. You held the spoon in your hand, grinning at him. "I was wrong. This is perfect."

"Yeah? You think?" Carmen's fingers tapped anxiously on your thigh. "Are you sure with the Wagyu? Syd's making these creamy potatoes with a sauce that's already kinda creamy like this. Fuck, I-I just think it needs something sweet ya know? To break up the flavor palette-"

"-Carmy." You cooed, jumping down to pad towards him lightly. You wrapped your arms around his waist, hands gliding over his back, rubbing the toned- tense muscles through the soft cotton of his shirt. He relaxed into your touch. "Just slow down. Add the cherries if you think that would be best, but whatever you decide will be best. You know that."

Carmen snorted lightly, shaking his head. "No, no, I don't." He muttered, face falling.

"You do." You hummed, running a hand through his hair, finger twirling around a curl. "You should."

Carmen felt the sides of his lips curls, the anxiety bubbling in his chest simmering down with a feeling of calmness at your words, soothed into your touch.

"Can you just... just taste it one more time, ok? And-And picture it with the steak." Carmen ran his hands sweetly down your arms, grabbing a spare pot. "I'll save some of this and add the cherries to the others, and we'll do the tasting tomorrow with everything and see what works."

You nodded, reaching for your spoon from before, dipping it into the sauce. Carmen turned around, eyes bulging gently. "Eh, eh! Hey!" He tsked, loud and startling you.

You stopped, staring at him in irritation. "What?" You huffed.

"Is that- is that a clean spoon?" Carmen's eyes flickered from you and the spoon.

"It's the one from before-"

"-Baby," Carmen gasped, like you had committed a federal offense- in his kitchen, it was. "I told you, don't dip a spoon in there you've had in your mouth! Fresh spoon! That's a health code violation, c'mon."

You rolled your eyes. "Carmy, it's just us."

"Ok, but-but, now you have your spit all in that."

"Doesn't the heat cook it out?"

Carmen scoffed, eyes rolling before pinching the bridge of his nose. "No, I-I can't believe you just... Now you got your germs all in my sauce."

"My germs?" You gawked, eyeing him carefully. "You don't want my germs now?"

"Not in my food." Carmen hummed, lips pressed to hide his smirk. He was a little wound tight, a little too strict about things he shouldn't be especially in the kitchen with you. He couldn't help it, and he was glad you found it amusing.

You scoffed loudly. "Please, Carmen. You act like we've never kissed before. You've had my spit in you all the time." You glared at him playfully.

Carmen couldn't help the blush he felt rising in his chest, heart hammering away lightly. "Yeah, but wasn't in my food."

"I think you'll be alright." You dismissed, setting the spoon down on the cabinet. Another twitch of his eye when there was a spoon rest right there.

"I hope so. Hope you don't have any germs-"

"-If I have any germs, they're yours." You eyed him knowingly, smug at the way he blushed.

"Watch it." Carmen pointed at you playfully, turning to wipe the counter with his rag, tossing the spoon in the sink. He waited a beat. "Get a clean spoon next time, please."

You laughed. "Oh my God, Carmen! You have literally eaten my ass before and this-"

"-Hey!" Carmen snapped at you through a feigned sternness that faltered with his glowing cheeks. You giggled, leaning back against the counter to watch him, all flustered and fighting a smile. "That's even more of a reason I don't want your germs in my food."

"More like your germs." You muttered, jumping back up on the counter, hips shuffling back to press your back to the cabinets.

"Easy." Carmen's eyes cut to yours, a stern look that had you flushing, tummy flipping with that familiar heat. "Don't get me distracted in here. I'll have you step out."

"Heard, Chef." You nodded exaggeratedly.

Carmen wasn't sure why he blushed hearing you say it, cock twitching behind his zipper at the words. "Get over here and help me stir this, please. Don't want it to burn. I'm gonna chop these cherries up."

[savrenim]

whos ur mdzs blorbo (if u say anyone but jiang cheng youre wrong /JOKE)

not to be an Extremely Basic Bitch but Wei Wuxian. in my defense gotta LOVE me any character who is doing basic physics research and you cannot tell me that the development of demonic cultivation is not basic physics research in any given story I am going to be most obsessed with the character who is closest to doing theoretical physics in that setting bc most often nobody gives a fuck about the physics of their world in the main story even!! though!! it!! would!! be!! really!! cool!! magic!! physics!! that!! I!! want!! to!! know!! about!! and yes I understand the author set out to tell a story not to do fundamental physics but the physics of it will haunt me. I can and will kill on the hill that Wei Wuxian does magic physics and he does it Really Fucking Well and that is the thing I care most about in the world

but also

I am generally Bad At Cooking. I got better at cooking towards the end of grad school! but at the beginning of grad school I was actually cooking all my own food for the first time and was Bad At It and what's worse is that I was so tight on time that I'd almost always bulk cook for the whole week which meant that if I fucked up a recipe I had to eat it for lunch and dinner for like six days straight

until I discovered. the single best cooking hack. in the world.

you see, I like spicy. and I'm a vegetarian have been for forever and vegetarian bulk meals are like. "pasta and vegetables" "beans and rice and vegetables" etc etc. which and it turns out. that if you fuck up trying to make something. without altering the texture and having to redo anything bc it's totally possible to do it at the very end you can just dump an ungodly amount of red pepper flakes and/or cayenne pepper powder in and now it does not taste Bad, it simply tastes Spicy, and for me, that tastes Good

I proceeded to use this trick with everything. including when my coffee beans got really old and stale bc bought those in bulk too. simply throw red pepper flakes in to the ground beans before you drip brew it and now it's spicy coffee instead of stale coffee!

anyways I eventually became A Better Cook and Started To Make Food That Is Spicy But You Can Actually Like. Taste Other Flavors. miss Spicy Coffee tho, wish I had the time to brew my own coffee again.

fast forward to like. a month ago.

I discovered about a month ago lo and behold that I Do Slightly Better life-wise if I Actually Eat Breakfast before running out the door even though it's like 6:45am and I'm not that hungry. and I had a bunch of old fancy farmer's market granola from like two years ago that was about to expire so I started eating that with some greek yogurt. but it was a small bag and I was about to run out. so I bugged housemate-partner-who-is-a-good-cook-my-beloved of would he consider helping make me a shit-ton of homemade bulk granola, I'd grab the ingredients and we could figure it out as we went along

except the thing is he Hates cooking by Vibes instead of A Recipe it Stresses Him Out So Much bc he is not used to people with the attitude of "eh if I fuck around I find out that is the deal I make with the universe I'll still eat it" he is used to people with the attitude of "if it's fucked up I am physically incapable of eating this"

so I. jokingly. as he expressed some Worry about "do we REALLY need to cook this by Vibes? can we Please find a granola recipe??" went "hey don't worry!! if it comes out Absolutely Terrible we can just use my old trick from grad school of throwing enough cayenne pepper into it that it just takes Spicy instead of Bad!" the joke being that like. spicy granola in yogurt that is a CRIME hell spicy granola is a crime who ever heard of spicy granola

.............except I was. really curious.

so the next morning I tried sticking some red pepper flakes so the texture wouldn't be disgusting into my granola and yogurt, I am nothing if not a caricature of myself, I live by the primary tenet of "commit to the bit" there did not exist a world in which once I had set forth that bit I would not Commit to it.

and it was delicious????? like it was weird Spicy Surprise but it was delicious. No Bit I Just Legitimately Like Spicy Granola Apparently With Or Without Yogurt.

so I Decided that let's not even wait for us to Potentially Fuck Up The Granola Recipe let's just put 3/4ths of a full shaker of red pepper flakes into it for Funnsies. because that's a reasonable amount of red pepper flakes, right? there's a lot of granola I want to make sure that there's a hint of spice in every bite!

out came a gallon and a half of Crimes Granola. the red pepper flakes got into the coconut oil so every single bite of it is infused with a huge amount of spice it is FUCKING DELICIOUS and to absolutely every single person in my house who have Nowhere Near My Spice Tolerance even the one who Likes Reasonably Spicy Things it is Totally Inedible I make a three month supply of booby-trapped granola that I and I alone can eat

anyways.

like two days later I proceeded to have an existential crisis about the fact that I'd made granola that I was the only person I knew who would like it, except also, Wei Wuxian would probably like it.

so yeah he's my fave.

[spaceistheplaceart]

body swap - leaving the house (reigen's POV)

mobs POV

first comic

(pls rb!)

ID UNDER CUT

for the purposes of this transcript, I will be calling Reigen in Mob's body "Reigen". But keep in mind he looks like Mob.

Reigen eats breakfast next to Ritsu with a very happy face. He has crumbs around his mouth. He thinks to himself: "This tastes so good... I should get back into cooking... sorry for eating your breakfast, mob! I'll pay you back in takoyaki later, okay? Wait, Mob..."

He frowns and thinks: "I have no idea where he is right now."

Close up of Reigen's hand holding a spoon with food inside. He thinks: "Well I'd assume he's in my body right now. But if he isn't... then is his spirit just... floating around? fuck, I really have no clue."

He raises the spoon up to his open mouth, but it bends. The spoon has a purple aura around it.

Reigen scowls at Ritsu, pointing the bent spoon at him accusingly. He says "hey, what's the big idea, ritsu!? don't bend my spoon, I was trying to eat!"

Ritsu glances at him, slightly annoyed. He says "Eh? that wasn't me, shige... that was you."

Mob's mother crosses her arms and scolds Reigen: "Shigeo, don't go blaming your brother for that bad habit of yours." Mob's dad smiles and leans over. He says "Aw, c'mon, dear! They're just being brothers!"

Reigen straightens up, sweating. "Uh! yes, ma'am- mom. Yes, mom." He says.

Ritsu hands a spoon to Reigen. "Here, I unbent it for you."

Reigen takes the spoon and says. "Oh, uh. Thanks, ritsu."

Cut to later, Reigen in Mob's room. Mob's mother yells up at him: "SHIGE! GET DRESSED!"

Reigen yells back "I AM! GIVE ME A MINUTE!"

He begins to lift up Mob's PJ shirt before pausing. He lets go of it and frowns. He says: "I can't get changed while I'm in mob's body. That'd be... weird. But I can't let him walk out in PJ's either."

He sits down and swears: "shit." before thinking. A lightbulb goes off over his head, signifying an idea.

He leaps up, pulling Mob's school uniform over his pajamas. He smiles and says: "I've got it! I'll wear his uniform over my pajamas! it's so thick that nobody will notice!"

Cut to later. Mob's mother watches her children go with her arms crossed and a slightly worried expression on her face. Mob's father waves goodbye and is saying something to her. He also looks a little worried.

We see Reigen and Ritsu walking side by side to school, both carrying bags. Reigen's uniform is bulging around the stomach due to the fact that he still has pajamas on underneath the school clothes. The entire outfit is lumpy. Ritsu stares down at his stomach, cringing a little and confused.

A text box above reads: "Everyone noticed."

END ID