#emme’s incorrect quotes

[emmedoesntdomath]

*jesper and wylan getting arrested*

officer, glaring at them both: anything you would like to confess?

jesper, glaring right back: nope

officer, nodding, writing on his pad: guilty

jesper, sputtering: but- what???

officer, ignoring him, turning to wylan: and you?

wylan, doing his best impression of a baby duckling: nope

officer, eyes narrowing:

wylan, blinking innocently:

officer, nodding again, writing on his notes: must have gotten lost

jesper, who knows that ALL successful parts of the plan were wylan’s and not his: oh come on-

[big-burry-latinas]

Incorrect quotes

Katara: I really love Azula! Izumi:I thought not Katara: Wh-why did you think that? Izumi:Because the other day I heard you say "Oh fuck Azula" Izumi:And I also hear some knocks Katara blushing: Emm... Azula: I-I have to go... Zuko: WHAT THE FU-

[rubywolf0201]

General Childhood AU of all my fav FE Lords saying incorrect quotes.

Infant!Sakura: “Don’t worry. Big brother Ryoma likes your butt and fancy hair. I know, I read his diary!

Late Teens!Xander, blushing: “He thinks it’s fancy?”

—————————————————————

Child!Lucina, praying alone in her room: “I need someone to be my friend…Maybe send me an angel. The nicest angel you have.”

Robin: *laughing manically in a roaring fire*

—————————————————————

Baby!Hortensia (to Baby!Alcryst): “I’m sorry I bit you. And pulled your hair. And punched you in the hair.”

—————————————————————

Child!Alfred: “I hit a kid at the playground today.”

Evé: “You hit someone?”

Child!Alfred: “Before I bit them.”

Evé: “You bit them?!”

Evé: “Alfred, you shouldn’t-“

Child!Alfred, as he is cradling a baby Céline in his arms: “People treat me differently, Mother.”

Evé: *remain silent*

Evé: “They don’t know what to say.”

Evé, as she takes baby Céline from Alfred: “Tell you what, if you promise not to fight anyone again, then I promise I don’t ground you… except on special occasions.”

Child!Alfred: “Tuesdays and bank holidays would be good.”

—————————————————————

Child!Corrin: “This is my family. I found it all on my own. It’s little and broken, but still good.”

*Late Teens!Ryoma & Late Teens!Xander are clashing swords with Raijinto and Siegfried in the background, Child!Azura just stood there dumbfounded and the rest of the siblings are just cheering for their respective older brother*

Child!Corrin, turns back to the camera: “Yeah, still good.”

—————————————————————

*Child!Claude made a doodle of Child!Dimitri who is mostly coloured with red marker*

Child!Claude: “This is you.” *pointing to the doodle of Dimitri*

Child!Claude: “And this is your badness level.”

Child!Claude: “It’s unusually high for someone of your size.”

Child!Claude: “We’ll have to fix that.”

Child!Dimitri: *stares at Claude in silence*

—————————————————————

Teen!Diamant: “Leave me alone!”

Child!Ivy: “I’m not even doing anything!”

Morion, rushing to his son’s side with Hyancith doing the same for Ivy: “What’s going on, son?”

Teen!Diamant: “She’s touching me!”

Child!Ivy: “I’m not touching you!”

Child!Diamant: “GGRRAAAHH! YOU’RE TOUCHING ME!!”

Child!Ivy: “Not touching!”

Child!Diamant: “TOUCHING ME!”

Child!Ivy: “It’s free air!”

*soon after, Morion and Hyancith got into a fist fight, Sephoria is yelling WORLDSTAR at the top of her lungs, Evé just facepalmed at the absurdity, Lumera has a resigned expression and poor Alfred and Timerra have to pull Ivy and Diamant apart*

—————————————————————

Child!Timerra: “I know my sibby is very sorry and he didn’t mean it.”

Child!Fogado: “I’m very sorry.”

Child!Timerra: “See?”

Child!Fogado: “But I did mean it.”

Child!Timerra: “FOGADO!!!”

—————————————————————

Child!Byleth in an emotionless tone: “Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind…or forgotten…”

Jeralt: “For the last time kiddo, I’m just going to the grocery store!”

—————————————————————

Child!Lissa: *locks herself in her room*

Child!Chrom: “You are so finished when I get in here! I’m gonna stuff you in the blender, push purée, and then bake you into a pie and feed you to Emm. And when she says, ‘Mmm, this is great, what’s your secret?’ I’m gonna say—”

Teen!Emmeryn: *walks by Child!Chrom to look at him*

Child!Chrom, smiling sheepishly knowing he’s in trouble with Emmeryn: “—L-love.”

[luthers-crusty-cum-sock]

Vanya: Yes I will be dying alone, with no one beside me, in the darkness of my room, there's no help left for m-

Waiter: I asked "Will you be DINING alone"

Vanya: Oh

[luckynatured]

Hilbert: We need a distraction.

Lucas: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Carmen, whispering: My time has come.

[true-king-of-monsters]

Incorrect RWBY Quotes

Russel:There it is. The Valian transport carting away MY Dust.

Roman:Don't you mean OUR Dust, Russel?

Russel:Of course, Torchwick...OUR Dust...That idiot Watts allowed Teams RWBY and JNPR to steal every last drop. Luckily, I have devised a way to steal it back.

Roman:You mean "we".

Russel:*scoffs* Very well, Torchwick. You explain the plan.

Roman:Right. Team, listen up. We need to divert the transport off the main road and into a sky ambush led by Russel. We will accomplish this by destroying the bridge in this sector. Neo, I want you to patrol the area to deal with any scouts who would give us away.

Neo:*Signs* You bet.

Roman:Emm, you'll need to clear a shortcut through this canyon to the bridge.

Emerald:Sounds simple enough.

Roman:Mercury will follow in a drop ship and blast the supports to bring the bridge down.

Mercury:I like blasting stuff!

Roman:Once the transport changes course, we will join Russel's ambush and take back what is ours. Remember, we have limited time and energy to pull this off. Make it happ-

Russel:YES! MAKE IT HAPPEN, TEAM RMEN!

[emmedoesntdomath]

merlin, facedown into a pillow: I hate him

gwen, reading next to him: I thought you wanted to have his children?

merlin: I can be multifaceted!

[emmedoesntdomath]

goose, watching jake and bradley from heaven fondly: look at them, so cute. they’ll be good friends for sure.

jake: hey, you need any help?

bradley: …with what?

goose: …no.

jake, grinning: figured it out yet?

goose, slowly shaking his head: no, that’s not poss-

bradley, smirking back: what’s that?

goose, utterly horrified: no- STOP

jake, laughing into his beer: who’s the best pilot

goose: PLEASE

bradley: no, I think I can figure that one out on my own

*homoerotic staring contest ensues* goose, dying (again) (HAH) the corner, rocking himself back and forth: HAVE MERCY LORD I CAN’T DO THIS AGAIN

*bradley and jake having absolutely zero (0) chill and the exact same energy as ice and mav* goose: *sobs defeatedly* WHY DO THEY NEVER LEARN

[emmedoesntdomath]

remus, facedown into a pillow: I hate him

peter, reading next to him: I thought you wanted to have his children?

remus: I can be multifaceted!

[emmedoesntdomath]

mav, clicking the lighter: what’s that phrase? ask for forgiveness instead of permission? 

ice, watching him hold the lighter up:

ice: put that goddamn thing down 

[emmedoesntdomath]

mav, poking his head into ice’s office: hey, hypothetically speaking, if I ever went to jail, would you bail me out? 

ice, half-distracted by his memo: probably, I guess

mav, grinning brightly: thanks, babe! *a few moments later*

ice, pausing: wait a fucking second-

[emmedoesntdomath]

percy, staring at himself covered in bruises in the mirror: someone once taught me that bruises are just the way god shows you that you need more color in your life

leo:

leo: someone once taught me that bruises are how you know you’re being a little bitch

[emmedoesntdomath]

percy, facedown on the table: I’m so stupid 

nico, laughing at him: yes, yes you are-

annabeth, from across the room: no 

percy:

nico:

percy, sitting up and clearing his throat: you know, I suddenly feel better. the world is such a beautiful place. I’m doing great, actually. 

[emmedoesntdomath]

mav, patting ice sympathetically on the back: sometimes, there are people in this world that are just really fucking stupid. 

ice, giving him A Look™️:

mav, smirking: not me, though. I’m the best. 

[emmedoesntdomath]

finnick, grinning at katniss: hey, pretty baby

peeta, indignant: hey!

finnick, eyes wide: oh, sorry

*turning to peeta, grinning the exact same way*

finnick, winking at peeta: hey, handsome

peeta, cheeks going red:

[emmedoesntdomath]

barty, loudly clearing his throat and shaking out a VERY long sheet of paper: my dearest reggie

regulus, glancing up: yes?

barty, assuming a strong stance like he’s about to serenade him: my dearest reggie, my starry night, words cannot express my adoration for you, nor my dedication to your side. nay, but I shall attempt anyways. your hair is silky like a really nice pillow, your eyes as deep as a river. your nose was drawn by the gods, and your mouth was painted with a rose. 

regulus, turning to barty’s literal boyfriend, eyes wide: you aren’t going to stop him???

evan, barty’s aforementioned literal boyfriend, turning the page in his book: if I stop him now, he’ll just start over

barty, getting louder: YOUR HANDS-