#etc etc....

[fruutes]

I KNOW it makes more sense other way around but it's just SO MUCH funnier this way

[dnangelic]

(thonk) if i could gather up every single daisuke rper across all of time i'd only ask them how they'd describe their darks and whether or not they think/call dark human or nonhuman

[kazbiter]

shuffled my music and 400 Lux by Lorde came on... ronsey come home.....

[deadlittledogs]

if this is too personal ya dont gotta answer but what made you realize you weren't transmasc/trans?

OH WELL I MEAN.... it's kinda complicated? In the sense that I'd have to explain all the little pebbles that lead up to road of me identifying that way in the first place. Simply, I think apart of it had to do with the act of deconstructing all those years, my internal thought process and also my personal perception of gender and sex.

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG ACTUALLY I LIED)

I was very confident I was trans when I first 'came out'. It seemed like such a simple answer. Puberty hit me suddenly, it seemed, and I could not cope with having the mind of a child but the body of a woman. It felt like overnight I had been haphazardly stuffed into the skin of a porn star. I didn't like that when people looked at me it was my sex they saw first, above anything else, and not my personality. Not my humor, not my hobbies, not who I was on the inside. I felt trapped, suffocated by my own breast, my hips, the curves that were constantly prevalent through the fabric of my clothing. It disgusted me. It scared me. It felt as though everything had changed and now I had this role to fill. I've always been a bit of a tomboy so being traditionally feminine made me feel out place. Like I was wrong, pretending to be something I wasn't. I hated skirts, hated dresses, despised wearing makeup because I felt it exasperated these feelings of-

"You aren't right, you aren't one of them, you're different; a farce, an imitation."

Then I got more involved on the queer side of the internet and with these feelings that had arose, combined with the gender dysphoria I had felt in the past as a younger child (caused by trauma and general tomboyness) I was like. Oh. I must be a dude. It makes perfect sense. That's why I don't feel like a 'woman', that's why I hate my tits and my hips, that's why I'm so bad at being a girl.

It went this way for a while, I flipped flopped for a couple years and also went SUPER HARDCORE BIMBO MALLSLUT when I was around 17-18 'cuz I was really desperate to be a normal girl (aka dressing really slutty and sending nudes for money and then getting confused when I got horribly horribly fucked up over it cuz isn't this supposed to be empowering? What about the slut walks? This is my choice, isn't it? So why do I feel like killing myself?)

I WENT AWHILE BEING TRANS THOUGH, EVEN THE TIMES I WOULDN'T ADMIT IT OUT LOUD I SAW MYSELF THAT WAY....

I hated being 'misgendered' and being called a girl in general. I knew that when they saw me as a female, despite my best efforts, that I had failed to obscure myself properly and was a walking monstrosity. Instead of seeing someone who was normal, I knew that they saw a disgusting, man-ish, and ultimately failing woman instead. It completely repulsed me and I'd get shivers of delight when someone would mistake me as a boy, because that meant that the inherent sexualization of my body had been successfully hidden. I had been a 'person' and seen as someone 'normal' and not just a mound of tits and hips jiggling around.

There were times where I would get hyper focused on appearing as masculine as possible (other times where I simply wouldn't care), and I'd make a great effort at micro-managing every little thing about me. Hiding my small hands, being extremely critical of the way I walked, the lingo I used, the way that I sat. It'd make me feel dizzy sometimes, this obsession with trying to being something that ultimately I did not understand. Being male did not come naturally to me, it was something that I had to try to whip into every fiber of my being to feel a semblance of validity. But yet often, I did not recognize myself. Looking into the mirror often brought feelings of drifting and derealization. The critiques my mind constantly supplied would keep me up at night and it felt like a battle I was constantly losing.

I was so exhausted and tired from these years of fear and hating myself, being too afraid to touch anything feminine because I was convinced I couldn't do it right. I asked myself, what is gender? What is sex?

Is it normal for a woman with trauma to hate her body so deeply? To feel fake? Could I just be a woman, as I was, and not need to change a thing?

What is a woman? Is a woman just a 'feeling?' you're supposed to have? Is a woman makeup and high heels and shiny things? Is a woman being naturally empathetic and maternal? Or it simply a state of being? A body you were born into?

I had often wished to be born as a man but it was the realization that no, if I had been born into a male body and raised that way I wouldn't be myself at all. It wouldn't be like just like plopping my brain into a different body. The person I am now, my experiences and my personality wouldn't even be remotely the same. I am who I am because I was born female. It made me appreciate myself for the first time, in a unique way.

I found that I would try to embrace my fears and be an 'ugly' woman and that I was tired of obsessing over my gender and how I was perceived by the eyes of others. I started reading more stuff from angry feminist, watching movies with female leads (that winter Ginger Snaps and Jennifers Body played on repeat, yo) and listening to detransitioners.

And slowly, I found, I loved being a woman. Women have something men don't and that's something I've just observed- and I am very observant. I have a need to understand people and their behaviors, I watch those around me closer than most and I spend a lot of time in my own head either psycho-analyzing myself or those around me.

Men are just different, man. I don't think I realized this as much when I was younger lmao. They aren't the way they are in shows or movies or cartoons; there is no real Eddie Munson, ya know? HE DOESN'T EXIST.... The only times I watch a movie or something and I'm like "Okay, yeah that guy probably actually exist somewhere," is when there's like, a pissed off dad or something.

THEY JUST WORK ON A DIFFERENT FREQUENCY, MAN and I was like, no, actually, I don't want to be apart of.... whatever this is...

EVEN WHEN I WAS TRANS I ONLY HUNG OUT WITH CHICKS AND WIMPY DUDES..... any time I hung out with like, normal guys, it became very apparent that we were on two different levels, ya know?

But you know what's fun....? Just cuz I'm a chick doesn't mean I don't do the crap I used to. Like, fuck, man, I still love pretending I'm a dude sometimes... ITS FUN.... I would totally dyke out with a chick if she wanted to look like a couple of twinks with me. Like yeah man I'll be your boywife, I'll absolutely get into some yaoi boy shit with you idgaf.

I be wearing cargo shorts and an oversized hoodie and dirty sneakers and just looking like an absolute lesbo AND IT DOESNT MEAN SHIT........ I could grow out my mustache, chop off all my hair, wear nothin' but the mens section at H&M but literally that has nothing do with my gender. Why should it? To me being a woman just means that I'm female, doesn't have anything to do with my interest or personality or sparkle feelings or whatever (although, I do be shopping). AND CLEARLY I MEAN I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON there's so many things I could ramble on about and honest to god as long as this might be this is probably the most condensed version I could possibly muster (Don't even get me started on the long lasting effects of early childhood sexual trauma and early exposure to porn, how I was more comfortable with the idea of being with a man when I was trans or how the 'queer' internet just poured gasoline on my burning teenage mind) BUT UGHhHh......... I don't know....... I feel like despite my best efforts with my wording I'll still get a pissed off little gamer in my inbox so I'm gonna go cook a turkey burger before I regret speaking at all lmao

BUT YEAH...You guys can ask questions if you want more insight though! I'm pretty open about most things if I feel like you're not asking purely just to put a bee in my bonnet. You can also DM me if you want to get deeper about it but idk.... IDK.... Just some pennies for thoughts.....

[sunbentshadows]

Hey all, you know how internet searches suck now? When the results are awful, full-of-AI, death-of-the-internet levels of bad?

Start appending date constraints to your searches - "before:2023".

My results have gone from 90% AI bullshit to ~60% usable - which frankly at this point is a huge improvement.

[turtletoria]

Palestine will be free in our lifetime 🇵🇸🍉🕊️ Don't look away, and let's keep supporting Palestine in any way we can.

[sylvies-kablooie]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

[chocolatte-deactivated20240609]

please spread this so that it can actually be funny instead of just 1 person voting

edit: oh god it has 20k notes and it's been running for less than a day

edit 2: please tag me in any art of this i'd love to see it

edit 3: all of you guys ascking where the vanilla extract is. Here it is, you found it. Congratulations.

[samuelroukin]

tumblr wrapped

you called a childless man a dilf 235 times

you got blocked by 5 mutuals

you followed someone new but then unfollowed within a day after they said they didn’t like the color orange

you reblogged your blorbo 9285720274 times

piss on the poor: your post broke containment and it was not fun

your most reblogged post was “i need him bald and whimpering” and you reblogged it 79 times

[bellqmione]

wheelchairs and canes and glasses and hearing aids and every single other disability aid should be free btw and if you disagree i hate you

[wildbasil]

things haven't been great but i think they will be. eventually 🌻🌼🩷

[missyourflight]

[blumineck]

"Why are there so many female archers in fiction?"

Please forgive the clickbait-y title! This is a super complex and interesting topic that I barely scratch the surface of here, but I hopefully will be able to do more justice to things like this in the future!

Also, it's not the point of the video, but I had fun with the outfits in this- do you have any faves?

As always, please consider supporting me on Patreon if you can, or watching on youtube if not!

[doyouknowthisdragartist]

"what's the appeal of drag kings" because women are my favorite guy next question

[vinylattes]

What is the key to enjoying life? (x)

[fleshadept]

looking at (vetted) gofundmes for people trying to escape palestine and i don't know how many of you actually click on the gofundme links you reblog but i would like to point out, for what it's worth, just how amazing it is that so many have raised so much money. it may overall feel like a drop in the ocean but the fact that several gofundmes have raised tens of thousands of dollars is amazing. it is so expensive to leave gaza right now, and people still need money after they escape. but regardless of what propaganda the US, UK, canada, and other western nations are trying to pump out, people across the world are doing what they can to help these people survive. many of them are still very far from their goals (like this one and this one and this one) and some of them are very close to high goals (like this one), and some of them have reached almost double their original goal.

and that's not even addressing direct aid or organizations that take continuous donations for distribution of food, menstrual products, etc. the PCRF has raised $16,000,000 of their target goal of $20,000,000 to fund current aid and long-term relief efforts in gaza. ANERA's febuary 13th update discusses the material ways they helped palestinians today:

(ANERA donate link)

my point is, it often feels like the world is turning a blind eye to palestine. but i would like to point out that there is an important difference between "the world" and "western political leaders and media narratives". a breathtaking amount of real people, the people who make up the world, are trying to help. in the face of israel attempting to commit genocide, the world is saying No. These people deserve to live. and literally sending millions of dollars internationally, through the internet connection that israel has desperately been trying to destroy.

it may not feel like it matters in the grand scheme of things. but to the people who get fresh clothes, or a hot meal, or blankets, or the kids who get new toys, or to the people who are able to bring their families to safety, it matters to them. go make someone's day better. i've linked so many options with ways to do that.