#every other fandom has been happy and joyful

[orionsangel86]

Deciding I couldn't wait to listen to Act 2 of The Sandman on Audible, I decided to just jump in and read the comics instead. I have consumed them at a pace far quicker than I thought I was capable of and have finally reached the end of the Worlds End books. The Kindly Ones is next. I know whats coming, but I can't bring myself to read on. The end of Worlds End left me with such a deep feeling of dread and melancholy, just like the guy at the inn, looking up at the giants in the sky...

The end of Brief Lives hurt, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it through The Kindly Ones. I wanna storm into Destiny's garden, rip his stupid book from his hands and tear out all the pages.

These dumb comics made me fall in love with that silly emo boy endless dream king more than the show ever did. My brain has gone and Castiel-ified him and I HATE myself for it.

I can't read on. I've hit an impasse. I need the ending to change... how many times have I complained on here how much I loathe tragedies.

Sigh.

As someone who generally doesn't like comics, these comics are fucking superb. The story is SO beautifully crafted. This is next level story weaving and how could I have expected anything less from Neil Gaiman really? But I NEED him to change the ending.

***Spoiler alert***

The whole way through this story so far there has been this idea that those who resist change die, that those are your options: you must change, or you must die. There is all this foreshadowing about change or death, and there are all these hints to different paths taken and choices made, I wonder if Neil was in several minds about how the story would end whilst he was writing, and in the end, he chose the tragic path. Dream couldn't change enough to prevent his death, it even seems, from what I have read so far and what little I have spoiled myself, that perhaps he even welcomes his death? Now that just wont do.

I don't know all the details of what comes next, but I do know the ending, and I don't like it. The one thing I keep clinging to is Hob's last dream, and the hope that perhaps that means that Morpheus isn't actually dead at all, but just free of his duty, free of his role, and out there somewhere, with his brother, at peace and happy. (Yes I already spoiled myself and read the comics with Hob and everything from the Ren Faire through to the dream on the beach had me sobbing even though I didn't know what had happened before)

I am almost certain Sandman will get more seasons at Netflix (and if Netflix don't renew someone else will snap it up - hopefully HBO) so am sure there will be a point in the future when these later stories are adapted and my god I hope they do change it, somehow. Even if everything still happens to lead to his death, i would need more emphasis on Hob's dream to basically confirm that he was still "alive" somewhere, that he was free, that he was happy...

That's my wish. Until then, I will go immerse myself in ridiculously sappy happy fluffy fanfiction I think. Thank FUCK for fanfiction!

[joycrispy]

I wanna talk about The Angel Who Would Be Crowley.

Because I had a certain set of expectations, which got thoroughly trashed in the first five minutes of S2, and my genuine response is, "Oh, fuck, yup. You're right. That's WAY better."

Looking around at GO fandom, I'm not alone in this. So let's talk about it.

Basically, a lot of people (myself included) believed that he was a high-ranking angel, and therefore as chilly and remote as every other powerful angel we'd seen at that point. We pictured Crowley-To-Be as long-haired, regal and imposing --and the fanart at the time reflected this. I'd link some if Tumblr didn't hate links.

Something like this:

We were collectively drawing on a few things --mostly, Crawly's appearance and general bearing in the Biblical scenes of S1--

--But also scattered hints of his importance, backed up by conspicuous absences in Heaven and a few profound displays of power. That's all better covered elsewhere, so I won't reiterate the arguments here. All I'm saying is: I think our headcanons were justified.

But it turns out he was this:

!!!

With his curly little--!!

And his neat white--!!

IT TURNS OUT, he was an angel who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty. Furfur, who knew him before the Fall, says:

"You used to jump on me back, little monkey in a waistcoat..."

(The use of a diminutive there, 'little'...oh, that fascinates me.)

In a pretty huge subversion of expectations, we're given these glimpses of an angel who was sweet, and joyful, and heart-meltingly silly.

In sum...an innocent.

(Perhaps innocent to a troubling degree.

We see how he troubles Aziraphale, during their first conversation. He starts looking around and behind them, checking to make sure that no one can HEAR the blithe and reckless things coming out of this angel's mouth. This angel who talks like he's never been reprimanded in his life; like it's never occurred to him that anyone would want to hurt him.

Before the Beginning, Aziraphale understood Heaven better than he did. The danger is plainly occurring to Aziraphale.)

So now, we the viewers are in on a cruel joke that Aziraphale has known all along, which is that this --THIS-- is the angel who--

*checks notes*

--did a million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulphur. For asking questions.

...Imagine you are Aziraphale, and everything inside you wants to believe Heaven are the Good Guys, and God is Good and Everything She does is capital-R Right...and now try to reconcile that. Keep trying. I don't think he ever totally managed it in 6000 years.

All this gets further complicated when we learn that, despite all of the above, we were still right. That sweet excitable babby up there?

He WAS a powerful and high-ranking angel.

That much is explicitly confirmed, with significant evidence that he could have been among the mightiest of archangels...

...Who apparently accosted his fellow angels for piggyback rides. And was remembered millennia later by those (now fallen) angels as something 'little.'

What does that tell us about who he was? Is?

Hell, Aziraphale has known to be wary of the archangels (and the judgements of Heaven in general) since before the Fall even happened. He chooses to believe they are Good; he can't fool himself into thinking they are Safe.

Yet he's absolutely certain that Crowley won't hurt Job's children. Enough to stand in a burning building and say to them, "I can't save you, but don't be afraid. I won't need to."

And what reason does he give?

("I know you."

"You do not know me."

"I know the angel you were.")

What does that tell us about who he was? Is?

("The angel you knew is not me."

But how is Aziraphale supposed to believe that, when he can see him all the time?)

tl;dr --yes, this is better. I love the tragedy of it.

'Innocence died screaming' and all that.

[jokin-around]

I made a Twitter thread about this, but I've been reading early issues of Batman lately and something I've noticed is how differently the contrast between Batman and "Bruce Wayne" is depicted

obviously, in many things today, "Bruce" (ESPECIALLY in fandom) is often depicted as a happy-go-lucky himbo in order to draw contrast with a grim and "tortured" batman

so how does this hold up when you look at older depictions? the answer: it doesn't. in fact it was almost the opposite.

way back in the very first issues of the official Batman title, Bruce Wayne, no matter WHAT he's doing, isn't the one who laughs and smiles, Batman is.

and these are comics that were published BEFORE the comics code authority caused a dramatic shift in tone

Bruce Wayne (or least the cardboard cutout refered to as Bruce Wayne) isn't nessecarily described as grim, but he isn't a very happy person either, he's still a rich airhead, but not so much a "himbo" or even a dedicated businessman, he's depicted as a BORED, uninterested, aristocrat:

this Bruce seems to spend of his time smoking a pipe at home or mingling with other upperclass individuals, that in-between we tend to see MUCH more often in modern comics doesn't seem to exist yet (in part because the batcave Is non-existent which I suspect has given him a bit more privacy as a character)

MEANWHILE Batman, who's investigates murders every other night almost seems to be having the time of his life:

the early comics seem to routinely depict the burgoise as cold, snobbish & bored, in contrast to batman who seems particularly expressive and joyful, for all we know Batman may partially exist as some millionaires weird passtime, but of course Bruce Wayne (the real guy, not the facade) is written as someone who genuinely seems to care due to his own past experiences:

but , with all of that layed out, one can conclude that when ppl say Batman is the "true persona" ect. originally, it wasn't (just) because of his coping or whatever it was because when he wasn't Batman he was forced to live life as a cold, "useless" millionaire:

"what if a rich a guy gave a fuck?" is still very much the base concept here, but what's surprising is how much BITE there is to it

the concept wasn't being proposed because it's like… a plausible thing to happen or attainable on a personal level, but because the rich reliably and consitently do not care

the rich ppl in this book, "Bruce Wayne" included, are not written to be envied as people. they're written to be insufferable. ppl with endless resources who are still somehow unsatisfied with life and choose to do nothing useful or direct with the amount wealth they've accumulated

but ofc it shouldn't be ALL THAT surprising, Batman debuted in Detective Comics in 1939…. ONE year after the great depression, Bob and Bill had more than a good reason to feel a bit bitter

but rolling back to the point of this analysis, whenever I say "let batman be happy" I mean "let Batman enjoy his job" despite the pain, despite the death, despite the murder, despite the hypocritical nature of it all and how problematic it may be because it's a life he also chooses, not just out of compulsion, but because it's hands on, direct & purposeful. it gives him something to do & it gives him a chance to punch a problem in the face (which may be good or bad depending on what that problem is, but still)

that kind of depiction is what set up the groundwork for nearly every deconstruction that's come since but it's so buried in time at this point that lines from characters claiming bruce "loves being batman" seem to ring completely hollow

tbh, I think the old way of depicting Batman can be ( and as been in some media) woven into the way he's depicted today, in the past Batman was an outlet for every emotion Bruce Wayne had to hide elsewhere, a symbol of empathy, fury and passion, for modern Batman, I imagine those three things still hold true, layered on top of an alter ego that allows a modern Bruce Wayne to be weird and damaged and dark.

so uh, ln conclusion, I think batman enjoying what he does to a certain extent is a crucial aspect of his character that's been lost and withered and forgotten about, let him a have a little fun, we can discuss the ramifications of all that when discussion seems necessary

[captainsophiestark]

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

Bill Weasley x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Harry Potter

Summary: Bill Weasley and his new wife have their wedding reception interrupted by Death Eaters and news of the Ministry falling. Things look bleak when they escape to Shell Cottage, but they find a way to keep each other going.

Word Count: 1,015

Category: Angst, Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

Weddings were supposed to be happy. They were supposed to be joyful celebrations, with all the people who mattered most. Even in the midst of a brewing war, I thought Bill and I would get that. One night of a break before returning our attention to all the terrible things going on in the world.

I guess I should've known better.

One minute, I was twirling across the dancefloor in the arms of my new husband, sharing a smile as the rest of the world faded away. In that moment, despite everything going on outside of our wedding, the world felt perfect.

The next minute, a glowing lynx had burst through the ceiling and into the middle of the dancefloor, announcing the fall of the Ministry of Magic and the death of the Minister along with it. The reception descended into chaos, people screaming and running as the protective enchantments around the giant tent fell one by one. It had been absolute chaos, and I barley remembered Bill grabbing my hand and getting us both out of there as the Death Eaters arrived.

Now, I sat on the sofa in Shell Cottage, where we were supposed to start our honeymoon. The place had glowed with warmth and coziness the first time we'd visited, but now it seemed all too dark, cold, and deserted.

"I just let my dad know we're alright," Bill said, coming back into the living room. He'd stepped outside to send a Patronus to his dad, to make sure the family wouldn't worry about us. "Hopefully we'll hear back from him soon."

I nodded, a little numbly, as my new husband crossed the room and waved his wand to start a fire in the fireplace. Once he'd finished, he came to sit next to me on the couch. We both stayed there for a few long moments, shoulder to shoulder and staring into the flames. I have no idea how long we would've stayed there on our own, but another glowing Patronus shot into the room not much later, this one the familiar shape of a weasel.

Bill's dad's voice came from the Patronus to tell us the rest of the family was safe, and that they'd be in touch when they could. A bit of the weight lifted off my chest, but a lot of it still remained. As the light of the Patronus and Arthur's voice faded, the darkness crept back in, despite the fire.

"Y/N?" I looked up to see Bill's concerned face. "Love, you're crying."

I raised a hand to my cheek to find he was right. Tears were streaming down my face, and the second I was forced to recognize it, a dam broke inside me.

I fell forward into Bill's chest as I sobbed, and he wrapped his arms around me. He held me tight, rubbing one hand soothingly up and down my back.

"It's going to be alright," he muttered into my hair, his own voice miraculously calm. I just cried harder.

"How can you say that, Bill?" I wailed. "We almost got killed at our own wedding, and now the Ministry has completely fallen. How can you possibly say that we're going to make it through this alright?"

He took a deep, shaky breath, then gently pulled me back from him enough that he could look me in the eye. His eyes shone and his eyebrows were furrowed, mirroring the distress I felt. But there was a grim set to the line of his mouth that signaled a quiet, unbreakable determination.

"We will make it through this," he promised. He gripped my shoulders a little tighter, leaning in until we were almost nose to nose. "We will get to our happy ending, no matter what."

I laughed a little through the tears, Bill's absolute conviction so ridiculous it brought a smile to my face.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked. He grinned.

"Because it's us. We just got married. That means we're a team, for the rest of our lives, against anything else the world wants to throw at us. And I happen to know that we make a fantastic team. I personally pity anyone who bets against us."

I giggled again, leaning into Bill as he leaned into me. No one else in the world could've lifted my spirits in this moment, other than the man sitting beside me. Which, of course, was no small part of the reason I'd married him.

"Come on," Bill said after a minute, standing and holding out his hand to me. "I believe we were in the middle of something before those bastards crashed our wedding."

I shook my head, still smiling anyway as I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet. Still in my wedding dress, and with Bill still in his suit, we came together in the middle of the living room in Shell Cottage to finish the slow dance that had been interrupted. His arms wrapped tightly around me and I rested my head on his chest while the last of the tears dried on my face.

"You're right," I mumbled, my voice barely loud enough for him to hear. "You're right, we will get through this. And I'll personally make sure anyone who tries to hurt us comes to regret it."

Bill huffed a laugh and tightened his arms around me.

"I have absolutely no doubts about that."

I pulled back to smile into the face of the man I loved, and after a moment, he leaned in and kissed me. We stayed like that for a long time, swaying in the middle of our living room, kissing occasionally, but mostly just enjoying the fact that we were still here, together and whole, after everything that had happened.

In the warm, flickering glow of the firelight, the darkness of the cottage started to regain its cozy feeling, and a tiny spark of joy for the thought of the future rekindled itself in my chest.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989

Harry Potter Taglist: @valkyriepirate

[maximumqueer]

yapping about luffy again

I've talked a lot about my love of Luffy as a character, as well as the ways in which I believe that he's been mischaracterized. But I haven't gone all that in depth as to WHY it frustrates me so much.

When character archetypes are assigned to One Piece characters, Luffy often gets referred to as the "sunshine". Which isn't necessarily wrong. He is a joyful, goofy character who values friendship. But then it is also common to shoehorn other stereotypical "sunshine" traits onto him that I personally do not see. Being naive, innocent, sheltered. These aren't bad traits for a character to have, but they are ones that I have (in the time I've spent in fandom) seen overplayed both in canon and fanon. So when I see a character that subverts that archetype and actively rejects the idea that for a character to be happy or the "sunshine" that they must be sheltered and naive, and is instead forced into that more generic version of it, it rubs me the wrong way.

Like, Luffy has never really been portrayed as the type of sunshine character that had be shielded from all the horrors of the world. He's seen them. He witnessed the burning of Grey Terminal, lost a brother at the age of seven. He KNOWS the the world can he cruel. And yet in the face of all of that, he smiles. He saw the horrors, and decided that the best way to combat it was joy (and a well placed punch).

He values happiness and optimism above most things. And that (to me) has always been intentional. Luffy chooses to smile in the face of impossible odds, chooses to believe that he and his friends are capable of achieving their dreams and goals, because the alternative is to lay down and give up. That is an incredibly admirable quality for a character to have, to choose joy over despair. To understand (at least to some degree) the power of a smile. And it just feels like a slap in the face to have that wonderful intentionality be stripped down to him being "innocent".

Just. Let him be a complex character. Let him have intentionality to his actions. Don't act like every decision he makes is something he stumbled into because he is too much of an "uwu cinnamon roll" to understand that the ramifications of his actions. Because he does. He so obviously does, and him being depicted as happy and carefree does not negate that.

[mononijikayu]

kayu's playlist - side 800;

“Will you wed me? On the morrow?”

Satoru’s question hung in the air, a whisper filled with promise and longing. His eyes searched yours, looking for the answer he already knew but needed to hear. The sincerity in his gaze, the way he held you as if you were the most precious thing in the world, made your heart swell with emotion.

hello, this is kayu!

i haven't written to all of you in a while. but here i am. i write to you all in gratitude for being so kind to me and being so fond of my writing. i express nothing but gratitude. you have all been so good to me and i would like to return that with little gifts.

i dabbled in fanfiction almost a decade or so ago and i've been taken to multiple fandoms over the years. and im very thankful that you have all been receptive to my works here too, with warm welcome.

ive spent much of my holiday just writing here, because it makes me genuinely so happy. and it makes me happy that you enjoy it with me. 800 hundred of you - i still can't believe it! i am just full of gratitude!

as i said to all of you, i was going to do a poll on how to do this playlist. and the result was this:

i voted too, as you can see! and as promised, i'll be writing the winners within the course of this week! the runner ups will end up seeing the light of day, but i just don't know when. until then, i hope you enjoy what i write up and enjoy them with me!

xoxoxoxo kayu

◤─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◥

the dragon and the maiden fair ─── gojo satoru.

◣─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◢

His bright blue gaze remarked each movement of your face as laughter echoed at each and every joke, every quip. There was true joy in the beams of your eyes. Satoru Targaryen must admit that he thinks no one has ever truly looked at him with such warmth. No one had ever been this joyful being by his side. No one but you.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

◤─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◥

from the start ─── fushiguro megumi.

◣─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◢

But Megumi was never good with words. He didn’t know how to reach you, how to express the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him every time you smiled at him. He watched from afar as you navigated relationships, your heart occasionally given to others, always returning to him as a friend. He told himself it was enough, that he could be content just being part of your life.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

◤─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◥

i wanna be your slave ─── ryomen sukuna.

◣─────•~❉✿❉~•─────◢

Sukuna’s pace never faltered as he drove into you with relentless intensity, your body arching under his expert touch. His dark red eyes were dark with desire, a mix of possession and something deeper that flickered within their depths. He knows he owns you, and yet somehow — he still wants more of you. He still craves to own you. Over and over, each night he asks for your presence, to take you over and over. He still wants more. He still has the greed, the hunger to want more.

[aleksanderscult]

I love, love so much your blog! I recently finished Shadow and Bone trilogy and my head is like no thought, only Darklina xD So I'm really glad to have found this blog and read your thoughtfull meta!

I have so many thoughts about the trilogy (I've read SoC dualogy but I'm not that big of fan) so I will start with this question: What do you think was the purpose of the donkey dream sequency in S&S? I mean this:

Are they very poor? I ask Ana Kuya.

Not so poor as others.

Then why doesn't he buy a donkey?

He doesn't need a donkey, says Ana Kuya. He has a wife.

I'm going to marry Alina, Mal says.

Then Alina has another dream, where she's the girl but then floats to the sky, leaving the salt behind her.

While reading it, I thought it as a metaphor her being afraid of being with Mal, of becoming ordinary girl and being shackled to him. But with the ending of the trilogy, her losing powers and marrying Mal, didn't she just do that? What do you think LB intented to with this scene? I'm interested knowing your interpration.

Thank you so much, sweet anon! And welcome to this fandom!❤️❤️ You remind me of myself as I was almost a year ago. Be warned though: this suffering will never end. 🥲

Admittedly, I haven't analyzed this scene. Probably because it's too weird and painful.

This couple that they see on the road can really bring Malina flashbacks to the reader.

The man is joyful, carefree, whistling away without a care. He's every inch of Mal from the moment he's been introduced to us.

The woman is tired and struggling. She's Alina carrying this power inside of her without knowing it.

The man doesn't seem to care that his wife is exhausted. The same way Mal didn't seem to care when Alina was sick and dragging her feet. There is this obvious subordination that Mal wants to replicate. Unwillingly or not, Leigh Bardugo really kept Mal's character canon with this vision: he always wanted Alina to depend on him, not to have her own independence.

One could say that his statement "I'm going to marry Alina" is irrelevant with the previous conversation but it does look very suspicious, doesn't it? Mal, a mere child now, seeing this couple and finding it normal for the man to dominate his wife. Was he influenced by such scenes and therefore found them normal?

This scene could be interpreted as Baghra giving advice to Alina regarding her powers and what happens if you suppress them.

But still, why does it kinda look like the same "Have power but only so much as" shit again.

And to be grateful for what? For being a Grisha? Or maybe for having enough strength without needing to search for the remaining amplifiers.

Just like I said in the beginning, these scenes are really sad. For a woman to be compared to a donkey, for a young boy that wants to marry her and (very) possibly treat her that way makes you feel depressed inside. Especially if the reader is a woman too.

The first memory could be real. Or (and I lean on this interpretation) Alina unconsciously conjured a metaphor of how her relationship is with Mal. Deep down she knows how things really are (Mal is the master and Alina just a weak girl trying to catch up on this connection by suppressing the thing that keeps her healthy) but she pushes these things aside, deludes herself and clings on her love for him. The same way she did when she lost her powers. Just look what she said in "Rule of Wolves" to the Darkling. "I am happy. You never saw me this way". Meanwhile Alina's mental state: ☠️☠️

But how Bardugo thought about this scene? That Mal just made an innocent, romantic comment that didn't pass the vibe check. I'm very sure that she didn't want him to be sexist here (she cares about this character too much to spoil his reputation) but she bamboozled herself and made him look like a little prick. Ana Kuya's comment "He doesn't need a donkey. He has a wife" probably reflects the sexist world that Leigh created. Which, by the way, would be fine if she had only let her protagonist break away from these kind of "chains" and find her own power and purpose inside this story *gestures towards George R. R. Martin's female characters*.

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

This is kind of random but I wanted to acknowledge the phandom and thank you all for how welcoming the space has been. I haven't been active in any fandoms in years, when I was last active with phandom it was on Google plus which is dead and gone now, and I didn't join tumblr till later but when I did I realised a lot of fandom culture has changed and in many places gotten extremely toxic and hostile. I was so excited about Dan and Phil games returning and I wanted to share that joy with others but I was scared at first because I couldn't imagine what this fandom would look like anymore, the phandom I remember was swept off the day google plus died. What I remember from that phandom, and the reason I loved being in it, was how nice everyone was, how willing to accommodate, how joyful, how everyone engaged in good faith, and shared in the joy of creation. I haven't felt that way since then...

Till now. I thought "fuck it even if it sucks I'll figure it out" and started this blog but it feels as if I'm back in that place, back in that time, and for the first time in ages I feel safe in a fandom again. I feel so content and happy, because every small interaction here reminds me of those days, and it's like none of it ever went away. It's like returning home, it really is, and I'm so glad this is the home I've returned to.

So if you're reading this, whether because you follow this blog or because it showed up in the tags: Thank you for being who you are. I hope I can make you all even a fraction as happy as you've made me ❣️

[regenderate-fic]

Let Me Spin and Excite You

Fandom: Doctor Who Ships: Fifteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler Characters: Fifteenth Doctor, Rose Tyler Rating: General Word Count: 1,932 Other Tags: Reunions, Immortal Rose, Bad Wolf as Disability

Read on AO3

Summary: After years of looking for the Doctor, Rose meets a strange-but-familiar man at the club.

NOTES: i happened to finish this on esther's birthday so it's for him now. everyone say happy birthday @nounpolycule

anyway i have a ton of long wips that are going super slowly because of how grad school owns my entire soul now so this is my attempt to remind myself that i can write things that are short sometimes.

title from may i have this dance by francis and the lights. which has some of my favorite lyrics of any song and i'm forever mad at spotify for not telling me the version of it i first discovered is a cover (by meadowlark)

Rose leaned against the bar, drink in hand. 

The glass was full. Half an hour, and she hadn't even taken a sip. She'd meant to try and relax a bit, let loose, but it just wasn't happening. Her head hurt, her bones ached, and she felt the ever-present exhaustion hovering over her, threatening to take her out at the knees. 

Not to mention—ten years.

She'd been back in this universe for ten years. And she still hadn’t found the Doctor. 

She'd tried, of course. She'd looked for unusual happenings, bumps in the timeline, anything that might indicate the presence of a haphazardly landed time ship and its ridiculous occupant. She'd chased a million leads, ironed out as many of time’s odd little wrinkles as she could manage, followed timelines across millennia—running into the Doctor should've been inevitable, after all that. And yet she still hadn’t seen them. 

And now here she was, slumped against the wall, trying to convince herself that this was still the sort of thing she enjoyed. 

She sighed. Maybe it was time to go. She tipped what was left of her drink into her mouth and turned to leave. 

But just as she started for the door, a flurry of motion caught her eye. 

She disregarded it at first. It was coming from the dance floor, for goodness sake. Surely there was enough movement there to turn anyone’s head. But—no, this was an unexpected movement. Something out of time. 

Rose turned to look. 

Immediately, she was transfixed. 

The densely-packed crowd of dancers all but faded away around the dancer who'd caught her eye. 

Beautiful was the only word for him. He practically gleamed in the club lights—the sheen of sweat on his skin somehow made him more entrancing. He moved with a fluid ease, even as the moves themselves were unlike anything anyone else was doing. And there was something about him… Rose couldn't tear her eyes away. He just looked so joyful. 

Tears startled her at the corners of her eyes, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. She missed that sort of joy—that carefree movement, lost in a sea of people. 

To hell with it. One dance wouldn't kill her. Rose took a step towards the dance floor. 

Never mind. Maybe it would kill her, figuratively speaking. The bright lights and loud noises were doing nothing for her headache. Why had she come here again? She'd enjoyed nightclubs, once, but since then every cell in her body had surely changed, fallen away only to be wholly replaced. She could hardly expect to be the same person she was.

Still. It was nice to indulge the fantasy. 

The dancing man had his hands above his head, skirt fanning out as he twirled. As Rose watched, he came to a stop, and then—

Was he looking at her? 

Rose fiddled with the hem of her jacket. She probably looked out of place, in long pants and a full-on leather jacket, with barely any makeup. She hadn't minded, but now she'd been caught out, staring unabashedly at this man, and her usual armor wasn't quite right for the scenario.

The man stepped off the dance floor. He walked like he was still dancing, with graceful, deliberate steps. Rose forced her eyes to stay trained on the dance floor as he walked past her, presumably to the bar. 

She'd been standing for too long. If she wasn't going to leave the club, she needed to find a place to sit. She looked around. Most of the tables were completely full—but then she noticed a group of people getting up, and Rose hurried over to take their table before anyone else could claim it. She kept an idle eye on the dance floor. She wasn’t up for it now—but a hundred years ago, she would've been there, carefree and having the time of her life. 

There was movement in her periphery. She looked towards it only to see the man from earlier, now lowering himself into the chair next to her. He was holding two glasses. 

“This your drink?” he asked, offering one to her. 

Rose eyed him. “How’d you know?”

“Lucky guess.” He settled into the chair. “D’you come here a lot, then?”

Rose burst out laughing. “You're really opening with the oldest line in the book?”

“I didn't mean it like that.” He flashed a smile. “I'm not from around here. Don't know the scene.”

Rose hesitated. “It's not my usual haunt, no.” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Where are you from, then?”

He waved a hand. “Here and there.”

“How specific.” Rose felt herself start to smile. “And, I have to ask. Why are you here?”

“What?”

Rose nodded at the dance floor. “You've got a whole club to talk to. What are you doing here?”

He pointed at her. “You were looking at me.”

“Can't imagine I'm the only one,” Rose said, and then she blushed. She hadn't meant to be flirting—but, well, why shouldn't she? It would be ludicrous to pretend she wasn't attracted. “Why me?”

“Why not you?” He raised his eyebrows. “Got a big old skeleton in your closet, have you?”

“I've barely got a closet,” Rose said, truthfully. She kept a small flat, but it wasn't really home to her. No need for closet space, not when she hadn't bought new clothes in four years. “No room for skeletons.”

“That's a shame.” The man grinned. “There's always under the bed, I suppose.”

The space under Rose’s bed was full of random bits of alien tech she hadn't gotten around to investigating. “Not my bed,” she said. “No room, what with all the doodads I've got.”

“That's a technical term, is it?” He was smiling. 

Rose smiled back. “Oh, yeah, definitely. I'm great with doodads.”

“How about thingamajigs?”

“Absolutely. One hundred percent. I'm there.” 

He and Rose grinned at each other, and suddenly Rose was sitting in a chippy just off the Powell Estate, her feet knocking against the Doctor’s as they laughed. 

She blinked. 

That feeling—the fizzy joy of an easy back-and-forth—it had been at least ten years since she’d felt that way. It was nearly alien to her now.

But… it was nice. And there was no harm in it, was there? If this frankly gorgeous man wanted to buy her a drink and have a bit of flirty banter—well, she wasn't exactly going to say no. 

The man gestured towards the dance floor with a flourish. “Would you like to dance?” 

Rose weighed her options. There was a reason she’d held back, before. But… this was different. Unwise as dancing may be, this man was very quickly beginning to seem worth the sacrifice.

“Yeah, all right,” she said. She smiled. “Show me your moves.”

The man’s face lit up. He held out a hand to Rose, and she took it, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor. Before, when she was watching him, she’d felt like he reflected light outward, shining on the whole club, and now she shared in his glow, moving without care, lost in the light and sound, anchored entirely by this strange man’s hands at her waist. 

It was the most she’d been touched in years. She felt a bit intoxicated—or maybe that was the alcohol—a bit light-headed—or maybe she’d just been upright too long—a bit exhilarated—and there was no way to explain that away. 

The dance felt like it lasted forever, but both common sense and time sense told Rose it could've only been a few minutes before she started to feel out of breath. 

“You all right?” He had to yell in her ear to be heard. 

“Yeah, fine!” Rose hesitated. “D’you want to get out of here?”

“Thought you’d never ask.” His hand fit wonderfully around hers, and they stepped out onto the street together. The cool evening air was a welcome respite from the warm fervor of the club. Rose laughed to feel it on her face. 

“Where are we going?” she asked. 

The man gestured. “My place is just around the corner, if that's all right with you.”

Rose glanced at him. He was still grinning, still gorgeous, his face illuminated by the bright neon of the club’s sign. This night had been strange in the best way—she hardly objected to continuing it. “Lead the way, then.”

His grin grew, as if that was even possible, as if he had infinite capacity for joy. Together, they walked to the street corner—turned—

Rose felt it before she saw it. A rushing familiarity, a glorious sense of home, a giant weight lifted from her bones. She blinked. There it was: a wooden blue police box, innocently positioned in the center of a streetlight’s beam. 

The TARDIS. 

Her brain was short-circuiting. She'd stopped walking. She was staring. The TARDIS was here. The TARDIS was here, which meant the Doctor was here. The Doctor was—

She looked back at the man she was walking with. He was still grinning, his gaze fixed entirely, expectantly, on Rose. 

Rose gasped. Her body felt like it was on fire. She looked from him to the TARDIS—back to him—her lips parted—she breathed out—and on her breath there was a name. 

“Doctor?” 

The look in his eyes was so achingly tender she wanted to cry. When he said her name, it sounded the same as it always had—low, soft, with an echo of reverence. “Rose Tyler.”

She fell into him. Immediately, instinctively, his arms wrapped around her waist, and she closed her eyes. 

“Why didn’t you tell me it was you?”

She felt the vibrations in his chest when he laughed. 

“Thought it would be more fun if you figured it out for yourself. And I was right, if you were wondering.” 

He pulled back. His eyes met hers, and she stared, trying her hardest to take in the collection of features that made up this Doctor’s face. 

“Oh, I missed you,” he breathed. 

The words sank into Rose, settled into her bones.

“Not even going to ask how you got here,” he added. “Or how long it's been.”

“Dimension cannon,” Rose said. “And—hundred years?” 

“Oh! Because—”

“Bad wolf, yeah.” Rose grimaced. “Turns out looking into all of time has some side effects.”

“Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. I should've known.”

Rose shook her head. “Water under the bridge. Don’t apologize for that.” She raised her eyebrows. “Apologize for being so bloody hard to find. Been looking for years, I have, and best I can manage is a chance encounter?”

“Ah, the TARDIS knew what she was doing, landing here.” 

“Typical. Blaming the TARDIS.” Rose scoffed. “Still haven’t forgotten about twelve months.”

“That was one time!” 

“Scotland? Queen Victoria? Where were we trying to go then?”

“Oi, I made it to Sheffield eventually—”

“Not with me you didn’t!”

Their eyes met, and suddenly they were both laughing, falling into each other, and the Doctor’s arm curled around Rose’s waist as he asked, “What do you say, then? Fancy a trip?”

Rose let her head fall against his side. “Fancy a good night’s sleep first.”

“Hey, I've got beds.”

Rose smiled. “I've missed that time machine of yours.”

“Just between you and me? I think she's missed you too.” The Doctor dropped his arm from Rose’s waist in favor of taking her hand, and as he entwined his fingers with hers, they stepped together in the direction of the TARDIS. 

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove and I felt like some public masochism so here we are!

Edit: Holy fuck this got long, putting it under a read-more.

How many works do you have on ao3?

258 although I orphaned 100 works back in 2020.

What's your total Ao3 word count?

Why. Why would you ask me this. Why would you do this to me.

4,578,245 - although I shudder to think how much it will have gone up by the end of the year.

What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly 9-1-1, but I took a nosedive into Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves last year and still have one more fic I'm writing for it. I tend to have quick little detours into other fandoms, which I think is overall a good thing since it helps me flex my writing muscles with different characters and settings. I'm currently working on a fic that is from a show where the main characters are all constantly sassing each other and bickering, and it's pushed me into being witty and sharp with the dialogue and humor in a way that I don't think I have been in quite some time.

Top 5 Fics by Kudos:

Even Steel Blades Need Fire - that's right, a WITCHER fic. HA. You all weren't expecting that!

Leading with the Left - yeah yeah we all knew this one was coming.

Drowning in Dreams (You're My Raft) - I'm constantly surprised this little oneshot I wrote post-tsunami is so popular.

Footprints are More Easily Seen in the Snow - my first Witcher fic I ever wrote and might still actually be my favorite.

Sometimes a Hammer, Sometimes a Lockpick - another Witcher fic! I had a lot of fun with this one.

Do you respond to comments?

I do! I try to respond to every comment I get. I know not everyone can but given the anxiety I know readers have around giving comments I try to show how much every comment is appreciated by me.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I do happy endings, overall, but every once in a while I decide to be evil, so it's a tie between the two fics that are about a character dying:

The Soft Goodbye - a Timeless fic that focuses on the idea that time travel, like being in space for a long time, wreaks havoc on your body.

Full Circle - a Doctor Who fic written years ago speculating about the Doctor gifting a dying Donna her memories back so they can say goodbye.

For those of you in the 9-1-1 fandom however, since I'm sure everyone's looking at those two fics going "wait what," the fic with the angstiest ending is:

I'm Not Breathing Unless I'm Giving You CPR - spoiler alert, but I end this fic on an angsty and purposefully ambiguous note. It's up to the reader to decide what sort of ending they get.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh. All of them, I'd say? With the exception of the two MCD fics above, I deliver happy endings. However based on reader feedback, I think I'll go with...

Your Love is an Oil Slick (It Glows Like Rainbows, It Stains My Soul) - the amount of angst in this fic, especially the Bobby and Buck relationship, seems to hit readers extra hard and so the happy ending, especially Buck's reunion with his father figure, is extra joyful and cathartic.

Do you get hate on fics?

I have once in a blue moon gotten "flames," as we used to say. Writing fanfic since I was thirteen, I don't think it's possible to fully avoid a few cranky people with nothing better to do than go around and shit on people's beds. But I've been extraordinarily lucky in the love and kindness I've gotten from my readers.

Do you write smut?

Baby, it's what I'm known for. Honestly sometimes to my chagrin - I hope people enjoy my worldbuilding, characterization, and plots as well - but overall I have a lot of fun writing smut and I love reducing people to slack-jawed water-chugging babbles.

Also someone had to bring the monsterfucking around here so by golly I'm reporting for duty.

Craziest crossover?

I don't do crossovers.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yup! Someone stole my Budde Porn Star AU and turned it into a Rooster/Hangman from TG:M fic. Someone kindly alerted me and I was able to report it to Ao3. Truly a surreal experience.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Multiple times. It's deeply flattering and I really admire translators who put in the work to take something from one language and convey the same meanings, flow, and story in another. Translation is a genuine art form, if you ask me.

Have you co-written a fic before?

Yes! A few times, all with my beloved @extasiswings. We did one Timeless fic together whispers like poetry and we had such fun that when I started my first long, plot-ty Buddie fic I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse) and panicked, I roped her into finishing it with me.

We also co-wrote Carbon Date Me, Excavate Me because I was in a bad writing slump and she graciously made everything better, and then A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words (But Love is Undefinable) because she uno reverse'd me.

All time favorite ship?

I've been shipping for so long it's incredibly hard to pick just one, but I think given the sheer depth of my insanity, I have to say Buddie. I haven't had a ship grip me like this in... ever, actually. Honestly after being burned hard on some previous ships in my time, names redacted to protect the guilty (me), I didn't think it was possible to love a ship this much, and yet here I am.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I plan to finish all of my WIPs. Once I start a fic I'm committed to finishing it. I do however have a couple fic ideas that I don't think I'll ever actually write.

What are your writing strengths?

Um. Smut, apparently. I also seem to do well with fusions; that is, taking one trope or setting and fusing it with another in a sort of plot mash-up. And people seem to really like my world building.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a hyper-sexual person who is very casual about sexual relationships and so sometimes I think as a result I have characters think with their cocks a bit too much and jump too quickly into sex, and sometimes there's more smut than plot. Run-on sentences, my beloved (and my editor's beloathed). I tend to write out-of-order and so sometimes little plot details can contradict, not be followed up on, or get lost in the shuffle.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I don't really write dialogue in another language in most of my fandoms, but in a few it's come up and I've approached it in different ways.

In Timeless, the character Garcia Flynn's first language is Croatian, so I would have him sometimes speak in it. In my dragon!Jaskier series, I was able to bastardize some of the Draconic from D&D (mixed with some Germanic root languages) for when he was cursing or communicating with his draconic family. In both cases, the other language was limited to only a line or two of dialogue, or perhaps a single word, so I wrote the dialogue in that language, and then had a translation guide at the bottom of the fic.

This tends to be my modus operandi, an exception being Xenk speaking Thayan, because I couldn't find any actual Thayan for the life of me, so I just describe how the phrase sounds or allude to him muttering something/swearing/etc. Since Ed, a former spy, also speaks Thayan, he can then inform the reader through his thought-process what the Thayan meant.

Occasionally, I will have two characters speaking in another language and simply italicize their words and have a line of description saying "they switch to French" or something similar, since I don't want readers to have to scroll up and down to understand an entire conversation.

In my original novels, however - the Horsemen quartet specifically - the characters communicate about fifty percent of the time through sign language. It's become the lingua franca, because noise alerts zombies and ASL is a silent language. In the books, I write the dialogue as I would English, and simply have the dialogue tag "she signed" instead of "she said."

As someone who speaks other languages but for whom English is their first, I'm not sure I get to really speak on how and when one should use other languages in one's predominantly-English fic in a predominantly-English-speaking fandom and online space. All I can say is that I listen to what others say in regards to what is most respectful and comfortable, and I don't have any personal preference in how a writer handles the use of secondary languages in their writing.

First fandom you wrote in?

I'm not sure which came first since they were right on top of each other, but Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean.

Favorite fic you've written?

Well that's just mean. How dare you. I don't have one favorite fic, that's like asking me to choose a favorite child.

I will say I am particularly fond of In the Gray You are Golden. I banged it out in a day in some kind of fugue state and I do think it's one of my best works.

Someday when I am filthy rich I will commission someone to draw it as a comic, especially the reunion scene between Buck, Eddie, and Christopher.

Tagging, with no pressure:

@princessfbi @buckttommy @extasiswings @kitkatpancakestack @gracieryder (once again I typed your fucking old url like five times...)

aaaaaaand @givemeunicorns.

[acourtofthought]

on god the funniest part of silver flames was Cassian turning into a fashion critique I have a lil giggle every time someone posts that passage. sjm couldn't have been more blatant there if she slapped you in the face with a fish. 'ELAIN IN BLACK WAS RIDICULOUS 📢📢📢' and then proceeds to say that she doesn't fit in despite trying to her best like?? It doesn't take a genius to pick up with Sarah is putting down and it sucks that WE'RE labeled the crazy ones here lmao. Let my girl thrive in the day court!! it's WEIRD that everyone wants all the sisters to live together forever.

Cassian was full of on point observations in SF and it's kind of sad when people try to downplay his intelligence because it looks bad for their ship.

He notes that Lucien, despite Beron's and Eris's cruelty growing up had learned to keep his cool.

He notes that Lucien is well dressed.

He noted that Feyre looked like a goddess of ole, that she was glowing with her pregnancy.

He notes that Nesta was wrong for thinking Elain was loyal like a dog, that she had actually seen everything Nesta did and understood the reasons why.

He sees the longing and disappointment on Lucien's face.

He notes that Nesta in NC black brings him to his knees.

He calls Nesta out for being mad that Cassian defended Elain when she herself was always the one defending Elain.

Is Cassian wrong for the above observations? Does it sound like he's way off base for any of his assessments?

I hope most say no because they're all pretty easy to prove using canon. We know that Feyre is meant for the NC, therefore she would be in her element as High Lady of the NC. We have evidence that Lucien is always well dressed and that he does keep his cool instead of resorting to revenge or violence.

He defends Elain against his own mate showing that his love for Nesta isn't clouding his judgement.

But for some reason, it's only the line about Elain in black that causes the uproar, that leads some to claim Cassian doesn't know what he's talking about and it's a joke that he thinks he has fashion sense (not you anon! The other side of the fandom who claims they can't take his "fashion critique" seriously because who is he to know fashion 🤦. They're clearly missing the point.

SJM could have easily had him say, "the color black sucked the life out of her" but she took it a step further by saying "no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court....It sucked the life out of her." At that point it's pretty clear that the author, through Cassian's observation, is sending us a message. It's not about the dress but the fact that the COURT is sucking the life out of Elain.

Elain is trying to find joy and purpose because that's what she does but she is not thriving and it's apparent that while she's trying her hardest something isn't working. You can be a happy optimistic person wherever you go while still not being at your best in certain places. She's not laughing (aside from Nesta telling her to fuck off which while amusing, is a sad reason for Elain having to laugh in the first place which was finally being treated like a grown woman by Nesta) or joyful or outgoing and she's surrounded by a majority who doubt her. When Cassian, Az, Nesta, Feyre, Rhys, and Amren were gathered at various points for meetings, Elain didn't appear to receive an invite. How can anyone want that for Elain? Even before Nesta's book, the IC was mad at her because they KNEW she was capable of so much more and she refused. With Elain, they just don't think much at all about her aside from Amren and Rhys (not the people you'd want believing in her if her HEA is in the NC).

[bonesandthebees]

hey. it’s been a while :) not sure if you remember me but i just wanted to pop by and say that i will forever cherish your writing. your fics gave me a lot of comfort through a very dark time of mine, and reading about the silly fictional brothers made me feel a lot more excited and joyful in a world where i felt very lonely.

whenever i would read your stories, i couldn’t contain my very very dramatically fun reactions that i would say out loud to myself in my room (jumping up and down, screaming, crying, gasping, monologuing to myself, etc). i read so many different AUs and oneshots of yours and i couldn’t get enough! your work is so wonderful and i am AMAZED and how you can create such high-quality writing in a surprisingly short timeframe.

i loved clinic so much that i entered a 30 hour state of hyperfocus where i COULD. NOT. put it down. ruined my sleep schedule but it was so worth it!! and then i read it all again 2 days later. and then i read it AGAIN out loud to my friend over discord so he could enjoy it too :) i recommended world forgetting to a friend and it destroyed her (/pos). i kept recommending all of my friends your fics because they were all so wonderfully entertaining and had a level of quality that was hard to find elsewhere.

i loved clinic, world forgetting, stars, 17 hours, the vampire au, the mermaid au, and starman (?) (the horror one with the giant eye) and i’m sure there’s plenty more that are slipping my mind.

i’m currently in a place where i cannot decide if i’m even able to separate a content creator from his character. even the characters have been soured for me and it’ll be very tough to separate them. i hope i can, because they brought me so much joy in the past, and so did your writing :)

over the past year and a half or so i’ve been so lucky to be blessed with an absolutely wonderful girlfriend that i love very much, and i feel a lot less lonely and a lot more lighter. i’m more active in the real world and i’m doing more things that i love. because of this i’ve distanced from dsmp and unfortunately haven’t had enough time to fully understand qsmp (which is a shame because i love quackity and have been watching him quite literally since 2013 and he is very dear to me). but!! i still rant and rave about your stories to my girlfriend and i even got her to read clinic :)

ANYWAY… very long ramble hahah but all of this is to say that your work was very important in my life and even if i’m going to distance myself from this fandom, i will always love and cherish your writing!!! thank you for your labor of love and i won’t be forgetting about you anytime soon!!

i hope you’re doing well. take care of yourself!! have your favorite cookie!! sending hugs! <3

and ps, the scene where siren has his identity revealed is still one of my fav scenes in writing EVER and i still think about how beautifully tragic it was <3 i think about it a lot. u made me cry for like 45 minutes how dare youuuuuu hahah

I hope you know before I even read this ask I saw the url and immediately went "oh my god lostmellohi it's been so long I've missed them!!!" so, don't worry, I remember you very well and I'm so happy to see you here again!

it makes me so happy to hear how much you've enjoyed my writing over the years. hearing stuff like that only makes me more confident in my decision to not take down any of my stuff regardless of recent events. I never want to take away something of mine that has given you and others that much joy. these stories are mine first and foremost, but as readers they're yours too. they've given you so much enjoyment over the years and that can never be taken away from you.

I totally understand what you mean about being unsure if you'll be able to separate the cc and the character in the future. it's not an easy thing and right now I get the urge to wince every time I read wilbur's name, even if it's in the context of c!wilbur and/or a fic. I believe it'll get easier for all of us with time, so don't worry about it too much right now. it's only been a week since shelby's stream happened. feelings will settle.

congrats on the girlfriend!! I hope she enjoyed clinic lol. I'm so happy you've been doing better though and have been able to do more things that you love. enjoy that kind of stuff whenever you can. qsmp isn't going anywhere and you'll always be able to catch up whenever you have time.

thank you for this it genuinely made me so happy to read. wishing you the best for things in the future and I hope you take care of yourself <33

also, yeah, whenever I think back on the siren identity reveal I'm like damn I did pull that off really well huh. lmao so glad you enjoyed :)

[telomeke-bbs]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you-meme!

Got tagged by @tiistirtipii at this post here and @inventedfangirling at this post here. Thanks for tagging me! 🥰 (And sorry I've taken so long to respond. 🤦‍♂️)

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

You can call me Tel. I love writing, languages, linguistics, and learning about different cuisines and cultures. I live right in the middle of Southeast Asia.

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

I started watching Bad Buddy almost from the start, after a friend told me Ohm had a new series out. I went into it pretty blind, not knowing anything at all about its history or genesis. I'd liked Ohm's work in He's Coming to Me and was open to more from him, not thinking the series would be anything more than your run-of-the-mill BL. And was I ever wrong! I think BBS sort of grew slowly on me for the first few episodes, but it really took hold after Nanon's single tear at the end of Ep.4. And I lost it after The Kiss at the end of Ep.5, of course. The no-holds barred obsession really set in after I realized this wasn't any ordinary BL; it works on so many levels and the intelligence with which it was crafted is formidable.

Favourite ship/s

PatPran does it for me.

Favourite character/s

Love them all, but introvert Pran with his protective walls, defensive rituals and surreptitious signposting of his emotional state with doodles and symbols really struck a chord. Pre-Ep.10 Pran was like an extreme version of younger me, I sometimes think.

Favourite episode/s

Episode 11 – I love everything about the beach, and the two of them alone by the sea was like my idea of paradise. But I nodded sagely along when BBS gently pointed out that their beachside idyll was just a temporary respite and that paradise doesn't exist on Earth.

Favourite scene/s

Oof. So many. My all-time favorite is the opening scene of Episode 5 (see this link here for why) because it was layered so deep with meaning and messaging, beneath the happy surface theatrics. I sometimes think of BBS as one giant and intricate puzzle, and if you find and fit together the right puzzle pieces it reveals so much more to you. The amazing thing is that it kept doing this over and over again. Like how many themes and allegories can this one series have? But if you want to disregard all of that and just enjoy it as a well-crafted BL with stellar acting, you can too. And that is also part of its magic.

Some other scenes that still give me the chills:

Deeply-pining Pran looking on at an oblivious Pat sleeping peacefully in Ep.4 [4/4]; I've been there and I know exactly how his heart must have been rent in two at that moment.

The Kiss in Ep.5 of course.

Pat finding out in Ep.10 that Ming wasn't the unimpeachable hero that he thought he was.

Pran missing Dissaya in Ep.11 (this is because I still miss my late mom with all my heart; the grief is going to be a forever guest there I fear – you just learn to pack it away in a box and put it away in a quiet room in your heart, but it breaks free every now and then, just to stare at me silently with its unknowable face).

When Our Song plays in Ep.11 (especially when Uncle Tong does his voiceover and the soaring guitar solo kicks in, and then we see Pat and Pran back in front of their houses, bracing themselves to face their families again).

Ah that award-winning scene on the balconies in Ep.12, when Pat and Pran indulge in a joyful, all-smiles tin-can conversation for old times' sake, play-acting at being strangers, and then dastardly Director Aof toys with our hearts once again and has the music crescendo as he morphs them back into their kiddie selves dressed in the same clothes to show us that the bond between the two scamps had always been there, forged since childhood, and that they were never really enemies throughout it all. And amidst the nostalgia we're suddenly engulfed in a wave of bittersweet emotions imagining all the what-ifs and if-onlys and what-might-have-beens had those poor little tykes not been forced into that meaningless rivalry by their warring parents. But as the camera pans away we hear their young voices piping in the night, still innocent and so full of hope, reminding us that when those two little boys grew up they still managed to find a way to triumph over all the pitiless hurt imposed on them. And how privileged we were to have been able to share in the story of their journey.

One thing you would change about the show if you could

I've thought so much about this show, it's not just one thing. And don't get me wrong; I'm not tearing it down or hurling brickbats at this series I love so much. It just irks the Perfectionist Pran side of me that something so beautiful, deep, intelligent and heartfelt also has its little flaws here and there.

I think they could have done a better job helping us understand how and why PatPran's competitive dynamic launched them so suddenly into the madcap bet in Ep.7. The cinematography was inconsistent in a lot of parts. The English subtitling (especially of Ep.5) could have clarified some things, but instead made them more confusing. And Pat getting shot may have been necessary on an intellectual level, to nod at some trope, theme or other literary preoccupation perhaps. But the narrative didn't really need that moment of conflict and I felt BBS tipped over into unnecessary melodrama at that point.

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

I adore the analysis, meta and backgrounding of BBS that you can find on Tumblr. So many intelligent, creative people looking at this show, but those that spring to mind:

@airenyah @bengiyo @chickenstrangers @dribs-and-drabbles @dudeyuri @grapejuicegay @inventedfangirling @kenmakaashi @lovelyghostv @lurkingshan @lurkingteapot @miscellar @neuroticbookworm @pandasmagorica @ranchthoughts @recentadultburnout @waitmyturtles

Fan art also by @hereforlou and @kit-teung. 😍

I've probably forgotten so many others, please forgive me if I have; if I've liked and reblogged your work it means that you've touched me with your intelligence and output and I'm automatically a fan.

What are your favourite fanworks you've made?

I mostly post observations and findings from research about the show, so they're not works of fiction or visual art, just essays really. They're all special to me in different ways, but I lean most to the one that talks about the etymology of Pat and Pran's chue lens, what they mean semantically and what they mean for the series (write-up linked here):

My post about the Ep.1 scene in front of Khun Noppharnach's Pharmacy (linked here) was another one where the pieces of the BBS logic puzzle fell into place in a way that satisfied my gameplaying side:

I'm also chuffed about my location posts (linked here; have identified almost all of them, such is the power of the Internet), finding out that the jeep in khanom jeep dumplings also means to court (linked here), and tracking down Baseball Mom (linked here).

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A song that makes you think of BBS (not in the show)

My obsessive mind can't let go of this song (I've written about it several times now) but Never (ไม่เคย) by 25Hours devastatingly captures the quiet grief over losing that special someone in your life (and tells us what Pat must have been going through post-separation from Pran in high school). Pat mentions it at Ep.5 [3I4] 0.35 but it isn't played in the show. I've got it on repeat now, and am well on my way to memorizing the lyrics.

Onward tagging:

@airenyah @bengiyo @chickenstrangers @dribs-and-drabbles @dudeyuri @grapejuicegay @hereforlou @inventedfangirling @kenmakaashi @kit-teung @lovelyghostv @lurkingshan @lurkingteapot @miscellar @neuroticbookworm @pandasmagorica @ranchthoughts @recentadultburnout @waitmyturtles

No pressure to play if you don't want to, or have already done it. But do tag and let the rest of the BBS fandom know if you have responses for us to read! 😍

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[sflow-er]

🎁 💛 🎨 for the writers asks if you’re still doing them.

(If you’ve already answered any of these, replace with one you were hoping someone would ask!)

Hi! Yeah, I'm still doing them!

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

Well...sure! Here's an angsty snippet from the next chapter of my WIP, The real deal. I was actually hoping to get the chapter out this week, but I've been kind of swamped with other stuff, so I guess any readers hoping for an update may appreciate this.

[Context: Henry has just joined the Society. Walter is not happy about it.]

Walter has to stop there to quell the desperation that has not so much crept as it has rushed into his voice. He screws his eyes shut and hugs himself for comfort, trying to make it look like he’s just crossing his arms in frustration. The true meaning of the gesture isn’t lost on Henry, who soon reaches out to put his hand on Walter’s upper arm. “Hey. Are you okay?” Walter opens his mouth to say yes. What comes out is, “No. I’m really not.” Henry rubs Walter’s arm through the sleeve and hesitates a little before asking, “Would you like a hug?” “I’m not…in a hugging kind of place right now.”

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

Man, this is a tough one! There's always more to learn, and also so many things I have "learned" but not really taken to heart (such as "use a placeholder when you get stuck" haha).

I'd say maybe 'think of your readers as people, not numbers'. The writing itself has to be for me, because the worth of the story or my worth as a writer should not be determined by what anyone else makes of my writing. But I still think it's okay to acknowledge that I wouldn't be posting the stories anywhere if I didn't want to connect with people through them. The important part is not to think about it in terms of hits or even the number of kudos or comments, because that just leads to all kinds of self-doubt if the fic/chapter doesn't reach that many people (I am a niche writer in a small fandom, after all). I find it much more useful and joyful to think about it in terms of the actual human beings on the other side of the screen who have taken an interest in the story and let me share it with them.

🎨 - I already answered this one here. But since you suggested picking another one, let's do this (I tried to pick one of the yellow ones to at least match the colour):

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

I write what I want to read, so I do reread my fics every now and then. Some more than others, but a couple of months ago I actually reread one that I had not revisited in ages, and I'm glad I did because it was better than I remembered.

Sometimes I reread for no particular reason, other times after a nice comment on an older fic. Or when I need to check something - just the other day, I went to check a minor detail in my magnum opus for my WIP (which is a prequel), and I ended up rereading the last five chapters... Oops.

(Sadly, rereading does often reveal typos or other little errors and fixing those does take me out of the story a bit, but I still enjoy it!)

Thank you again, @gulliblelemon! These were fun 💜

[Ask list for reference]

[cantfixyou]

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSAY, CHARLOTTE SHEPPARD !!

one year ago, i took what i felt was the biggest risk of all and brought you into the world. i had thought of you so much since i originally created you back in 2016, but i had been just a little too unsure of myself and of the tumblr rpc as a whole to bring you to life. you are made up of the rawest parts of who i am - my determination, my recklessness, my passion, my love. you are my heart. i had poured you into a fanfic that had sat on my harddrive for years, gathering dust. i was afraid you wouldn't fit in, that your lack of canon ties would be your curse, of how you'd be received by the fandoms and communities i had been part of for so long and loved so much that i wanted so badly to be part of in this way. yet here you are. three hundred and sixty-five sunrises later. you are absolutely thriving. you have made yourself such a beautiful place here in the writing community at large, but you will always belong to five nights at freddy's. cringe culture has been dead for a long time, my love, and you fit in best amongst the ghosts and robots, trying to be their hero, a final girl by choice in a world entrenched in murder, mystery, and mayhem. you are chaos and spite and sharp. you have become your own. i love you so much.

and under the cut i want to thank those who have made this last year especially special, in one way or another. i would not have stuck around for as long as i did without all of your love, encouragement, kindness, and incredible writing. i love every single one of you more than words can say, and thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for taking me in and helping me make this space truly feel like home.

@inkmchine ( savvy )

oh my dear dear savvy ! you have been an unbelievably kind person and such a wonderful writing partner. everything that we've gotten to create together has such a special and soft spot in my heart, from the answered ask memes to our playlist for bendy and charlie. your energy and just general vibes are just so positive. every time i see you and ben on the dash i get just a little happier. i appreciate you so much !!

@funbonded / @moralpuppet / @yellowpuppet ( sav )

every time i interact with you and your characters, sav, i am struck by just how incredible you are. you are such a force, such a kindness, and have made such a positive, joyful impression on me. every time i see you around - whether it be with oral, funfred, or doi - i am so happy that i know you, and i have gotten to write with you and establish the dynamics between our characters that we have. you are someone truly special and i thank you for you and your characters being connected to charlie and me in the ways that they are.

@offier / @deathsbecome / @hopedoomed ( ant )

ant, i am so glad that i know you and that our characters have gotten to interact. abby and tommy have such fascinating dynamics with charlie, and i am constantly on my toes and always excited to get to write with them whenever possible. and though charlie and your elizabeth have yet to interact, i always love getting to see her on the dash and her interactions with others have been nothing short of breathtaking. your writing style has been such a treat to write against, and i appreciate everything you do.

@trapton ( sonia )

my newest friend ! whomst i absolutely adore with everything in me !! just seeing you on the dash always gets me so excited, sonia, and i am so happy that you're around. you have left me absolutely wonderstruck, time and time again, with the way that you write and how you've built the connections and dynamics that you have over the time that we've been mutuals. and every time i've spoken to you out of character, we've matched one another's vibe so perfectly, it's just been so lovely knowing you.

and to those i haven't gotten to write with quite yet, new or old, i'm always excited to see you on the dash !! you have been as important to my last year as anyone, and i thank you for sticking around. hopefully we can write together soon !

@faztastiic | @frightsguard | @fczbecrspizzc | @fazwatched | @astraljams | @braveburned | @anisocoguard | @fazeruined | @sisterfound | @glamurso | @fazfright | @behindslaughter | @charlionette | @rcluctantfollowcr | @bontastiic | @rceway | @khalaesi | @muutos | @untilthcyrot | @schmakin | @stcrsreverie

[wetcatspellcaster]

hi!! we're the same age and i spent most of my teenage career on tumblr in fandom, but haven't engaged in any measure of fandom since ??? probably 2013?? then along comes bg3 and here i am. soul? consumed. fandom beast within me? resurrected. and anyway it has been so lovely to rediscover fandom as an adult and your fics have been the absolute highlight of that experience for me! they're so good, so well written, so fun, and they have even gotten me back into reading and writing fiction. reading and writing fiction was my most beloved hobby when i was younger, but i fell out of it completely during a mental health episode in my early 20s, and this is the first time i have really gotten back in touch with it. it's been such an unexpectedly joyful and wholesome experience to reengage with these old hobbies and i don't think i would have gotten to do that without your writing, which is absolutely engaging and so well done. i don't really know how to end this complete overshare of a message but yeah idk! thank you! this has been so fun for me. keep writing, you're very good at it. :)

hey anon!! thank you for such a lovely message, not an overshare at all! :D

although I've been writing for a few years now (still not that many!), I never wrote fic in my teen years, and bg3 is the first fandom I've been in that's quite this active (I joined dragon age 10 yrs late, I joined shadow and bone without a fandom twitter, etc.) so it's a singular experience for me as well! It's great to share it with so many people - now including you! :)

I'm glad you enjoy my fics, and I hope you continue to find joy in other works! If I opened that door, I feel very privileged to have done so. Best of luck with your writing, may it bring you every happiness and maybe do this for someone else as well! :) xxx