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ampheenix · 4 months

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That love is like a star (it's gone, we just see it shining)

Hello Charlotte oneshot // Vincharles // CW for OCD // fluff & angst

SUMMARY:

Charles lets out a soft sigh of resignation, feeling the sores on his hand throbbing even more than before. “Thanks. I should… take care of that.”

Vincent smiles and rolls back over on the bed, looking back up at the ceiling, eyes empty.

Charles lets his gaze linger on the bandages around the other’s slender wrist, the patches on his cheek. Vincent… he wouldn’t judge him for it. Would he?

Anxiety prickles in his chest, and before he can think about it too much, he slides off the gloves completely.

---

Or, Charles wonders if Vincent would understand.

Turns out, Vincent understands better than anyone else ever could.

Charles’s nightly routine is not for the weak.

He scrubs.

And scrubs.

And scrubs. As hard as possible, to the point where it feels like he’s tearing the putrid flesh off his tainted bones.

Charles ignores the blood beading from his filthy skin and staining the sink scarlet, completely and utterly focused on ridding the bacteria from his hands.

His mind is in a haze right now, emotions blurred and thoughts drifting idly by as his furious scrubbing slowly comes to a stop.

Distantly thinking he went a bit far this time, he rinses his torn and tender skin.

He dries it.

And on come the gloves, hiding the sores from the world.

Charles emerges from the bathroom, running a gloved hand through his greasy black hair (and wincing at how the scabs on his fingers are stinging viciously, like a swarm of filthy wasps.)

Vincent is sitting on his bed cross-legged, flicking through one of Charles’s sci-fi novels. He glances up as the other walks over, giving him a warm smile. “You certainly took your time in there… did you eat something bad?”

“Hardly.” Charles gives him a half-hearted smile in response as he sits down next to him. “Wouldn’t be surprised if I had though. Anri attempted making me lunch today, since she claimed ‘that’s what girlfriends do!’ and it… well… left some to be desired.”

Charles winces as his hands started to throb again. They had needed a thorough cleaning after today, but he hadn’t expected them to protest this much.

Vincent let out a soft laugh, shutting his book and passing it back to Charles. “That sounds like something she’d do… not much a cook then, hmm? Perhaps you could give her some lessons, if ‘that’s what boyfriends do.’”

Charles rolls his eyes as he gets up to place the book back in it’s place in the shelf, nice and neat, whilst pointedly ignoring Vincent’s raised eyebrow. “It’s Anri who’s into all of that, not me… I don’t really see the reasoning for any of it. There’s no certain actions this way or that which making someone a ‘perfect partner,’ in my opinion… but anyway.” Charles turns back to his friend. “How’d you like Douglas Adams? That was one of my favourite books of his, personally.”

Vincent hums, smiling. “It was interesting. I don’t read much science fiction, since I tend to prefer psychology or fantasy books, but it was fine. I liked some of the ideas that were introduced.”

Charles considers him for a moment before leaning back on his elbows, a bit disappointed. “You didn’t like it at all, did you?”

Vincent laughs again, letting himself fall back onto the bed. “…You caught me, haha. I didn’t really like it, but I can see why you enjoy it so much. I’ve been too focused on my own writing lately to read many books, to be honest.”

“Mm…” Charles says in response, straightening the coverlet on his bed that has become a bit wrinkled, and then wincing at the stinging in his fingers. Probably shouldn’t try to move them much right now. “That makes sense. Your writing is amazing, after all- I bet you’ll be on par with the likes of Douglas Adams someday. You’ll probably be releasing bestsellers before we’re even out of university.”

Vincent doesn’t respond, so Charles glances back up at him.

His friend seems to have paused for a moment, eyes widened as he gazes at him. Charles’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, and Vincent lets out another laugh, his smile just a touch too tight.

“Well, thank you… though I think you’ll be the one releasing bestsellers. Your writing is always a great read.” Vincent tilts his head, eyes bright. “How’s yours going, anyway?”

Changing the subject, Charles notes, but he lets the odd behaviour go. “Er… it’s certainly going, I guess. The plot still feels rather forced and confusing, and I still don’t know how to get some of the ideas out of my head and onto the page.” He shakes his head, feeling rather hopeless. “I suppose I’ll just keep trying… I’m guessing your process is a lot easier.”

“We all get blocks in writing sometimes, but it’s true that I rarely, if ever, get them.” Vincent gives him a sheepish smile. “Anyway, like I’ve said before, just trust your readers to be able to figure it out. I was able to understand your writing as easily as breathing.”

“Well, sure, but that’s you.” Charles lets out a sigh, a tad frustrated. Vincent was… he was far more intelligent than your average person, so of course he could unravel the tangled mess of his story quicker than you can blink. Vincent was miles ahead of your average reader, so he’d be the anomaly in a survey of “who can make heads or tails of my shitty story’s plot?”

Well, there was Anri, but Charles was 99% she’d make fun of the plot and characters and wouldn’t understand the meaning or plot even if you paid her. And please, he wouldn’t want to share his story with his classmates even you paid him.

And as for Mother? He would never dare bothering her with this nonsense.

So, safe to say Vincent was his only reader thus far.

“Earth to Charles? Hello?” He blinks, jerked out of his thoughts by a hand waving in front of his face. Oh, he’d zoned out. How pathetic of him. “Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts.”

“Happens to the best of us. You were just scratching at your hands through your gloves absentmindedly, but I think you might’ve opened a scab…” Vincent smiles distantly, gesturing down at his hands.

Shit. Charles glances down and sees small flowers of scarlet blossoming on his skin, slightly visible through the gloves. He lets out a soft sigh of resignation, feeling his hand throbbing even more than it was before. “Thanks. I should… take care of that.”

Vincent smiles and rolls back over on the bed, looking back up at the ceiling, eyes empty.

Charles lets his gaze linger on the bandages around the other’s slender wrist, the patches on his cheek. Vincent… he wouldn’t judge him for it. He’d understand.

Anxiety prickles in his chest, and before he can think about it too much, he slides off the gloves completely. Luckily, the sores aren’t bleeding too much, just irritated.

He doesn’t let himself look over at Vincent as he gets off his bed, picks up a tissue from where its neatly positioned on his desk, and dabs away the beads of crimson, wincing. To his annoyance, the bleeding isn’t stopping. As soon as he takes away the tissue, it starts again.

Charles jumps as he feels a hand gently rest on his arm, looking up to see Vincent in front of him with his eternal, patient smile. “Here, allow me.”

Charles sits down on the bed, wordless with relief as his friend stands before him, putting pressure to the sores. Vincent’s fingers are soft and clean, efficient as they press down on his skin. After a moment or two, the scarlet flowers slowly stop blossoming.

It might just be his imagination, but Vincent lets his hands linger on Charles’s hands longer than necessary. As the other moves to get up and throw the blood-spotted tissue away, Charles finds himself reaching out to grab his wrist.

Skin on skin.

For the first time in a long time, Charles doesn’t feel the sickening sensation of bacteria bubbling on his hands, doesn’t feel the need to scrape and scrub until every single germ is dead.

Vincent is different.

He realizes he’s been silent for too long, Vincent looking back at him with confusion in his eyes. “…thanks. Thank you, for that.” Charles says softly, letting go of his friend’s wrist.

Vincent smiles again, understanding in his eyes. Just once, Charles thinks, he’d like to see him be something else. Angry. Sad. Overjoyed.

Something other than this… this constant mask of contentment, empty in its insincerity. But what can be expected, from a godlike being? Charles would question if he was even human, if he didn’t know of the cracks in Vincent’s mask.

Slowly, and deep in thought, Charles pulls his gloves back on.

“You can keep them off if you’d like, you know. Can’t be very comfortable, having fabric directly on the the sores.” Vincent says with a casual smile, like it’s nothing, like he hasn’t changed Charles’s perception of reality.

He lets his gloves slide off and fall on his floor, not feeling the need to instantly scoop them up and put them away where they’re supposed to be, in the second drawer of his desk.

His wounds breathe. The scarlet flowers rest. His skin doesn’t feel like it’s crawling with tiny bugs and worms, for now.

And just for a moment, watching Vincent smile like he doesn’t have a care in the world, Charles smiles back.

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archaeren · 3 months

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How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

#creative writing #writers block #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writers and poets #writerscommunity #fanfic writing #writeblr #writing advice

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