#formal writing

[eliteprepsat]

Can I use “I” and “Me” in an academic essay?

High school and college students have asked me this question many times.

My initial answer?

It’s complicated.

Typically, this question stems from a student’s experience with a high school or middle school teacher who advised, even commanded, students to never, ever use first-person pronouns in their essays. And so, when I get this question, I tend to hear a sub-question lying just beneath the surface: was my teacher right or wrong? Or sometimes even: was my teacher good or bad, smart or dumb?

Because of all the assumptions and back-story that I sense in this question, my answer always comes with many caveats.

The short, reductive, easily misunderstood version of my answer:

You can use first-person pronouns in your essays, but you probably shouldn’t.

But like I said, it’s complicated.

My sense is that teachers usually tell their students to avoid “I” or “me” (or “we,” “us,” “my,” and “our”) because these pronouns are often used poorly. The same goes for other “rules” that aren’t really rules: Don’t end a sentence with a preposition. Never begin a sentence with “And,” “But,” or “Because.” Place your thesis in the last sentence of your introduction paragraph.

None of these are iron-clad rules. Rather, they are strategic pieces of advice that your teachers have turned into “rules” because, well, students need directions (or at least many teachers think they do). While none of these guidelines deserve to be universally enforced, they do help provide students with a structure that, oftentimes, helps produce effectively communicated essays.

But back to “I,” “me,” and other first-person pronouns—what’s actually wrong with using them? The problem I see most often is that students use these pronouns in thesis statements like these:

“In my personal opinion, the central character in Hamlet is Ophelia.” “I think that F. Scott Fitzgerald’s frequent use of imagery related to vision in The Great Gatsby shows that early twentieth-century visual culture was a product of the superficial consumerism of 1920s America.”

These two thesis statements are far from equal, and both could, in theory, be effectively deployed in the context of a well-developed essay. But they both share a common problem. Both statements reduce their arguments to matters of personal opinion—“In my personal opinion,” “I think.”

The problem with such statements is that they serve as crutches, allowing their writers to hide behind a subjective viewpoint that’s immune to reasoning or criticism. The phrasing from both seems to emerge from the common-sense view that “everyone is entitled to their opinion.” But one of the main measures of effective expository or argument-based writing is reasoning, which can never rely solely on personal opinion.

To be a convincing writer, it doesn’t matter so much what you think as explaining why you think it. Your opinion might be convincing to you, but if you want to convince a reader, you’re going to have to move beyond “I” and “my” statements like the ones above.

Also: both statements would be stronger without those crutches:

“The central character in Hamlet is Ophelia.” “F. Scott Fitzgerald’s frequent use of imagery related to vision in The Great Gatsby shows that early twentieth-century visual culture was a product of the superficial consumerism of 1920s America.”

These sentences are bolder, more interesting, and more likely to encourage their writers to provide solid support.

But there are other considerations to keep in mind. The Writing Center at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill has a useful handout for navigating the first-person pronoun question. Consider this example, quoted from UNC:

“As I observed the communication styles of first-year Carolina women, I noticed frequent use of non-verbal cues.”

In this case, we’re dealing with an essay rooted in a social-scientific study. By using “I,” the writer has reduced the study to a matter of individual experience—hardly the scientific foundation that the study aims for. Consider the revision: “A study of the communication styles of first-year Carolina women revealed frequent use of non-verbal cues.”

As UNC explains, “Avoiding the first person here creates the desired impression of an observed phenomenon that could be reproduced and also creates a stronger, clearer statement.” If your aim is to communicate scientific or fact-based observations—be they from a novel or a laboratory—it’s usually best to avoid the first person.

But as I said, it’s complicated. There are cases that all but require you use first-person pronouns. Consider this example from UNC:

“In studying American popular culture of the 1980s, the question of to what degree materialism was a major characteristic of the cultural milieu was explored.”

To avoid first-person pronouns, this writer is forced into an awkward passive construction (“the question . . . was explored”). The first person corrects this problem. And in this sentence, the first person does not take away from the air of objectivity that the writer is aiming for:

“In our study of American popular culture of the 1980s, we explored the degree to which materialism characterized the cultural milieu.”

This is an explanation of method, of how “we” did what we did. In most cases, you want to assert your claims as true—not infallible, not airtight, not perfect, but nonetheless true, as you see it. But you also don’t want to pretend that there isn’t a human subject behind your reading, research, and writing. In the case of a sentence like the one above, avoiding the first person produces a contrived sentence that rings false.

And so, all things considered, the most honest advice I can give on the “I” question is this:

If you’re not sure whether to use first-person pronouns, first write the sentence in the way that feels most natural to you.

(It’s crucial that, in a first draft, you write with the idea that no one in the world but you will ever read what you just put down on the page. This is the most liberating and urgent advice I could share with any writer.)

After you’ve written the sentence out, assuming it uses the first person, try this: cross out your first-person statement—your “In my opinion,” or “I think,” or “We contend.” Then see how the sentence holds up without the first person. Is the statement now stronger, bolder, more assertive, more “objective” sounding? Or does it now feel garbled?

In the end, the question of whether or not to use “I” is ultimately up to you. 

[icynebulae]

SOPs for Master's Programs, An Offering to the Void!! 

Finding examples of successful Statements of Purpose for applying to Graduate school is quite difficult! This post, using my successful SOP for grad school, is a simple attempt to offer assistance in the writing and editing of an SOP. 

This info can apply to Bachelor level SOP’s too - it’s just a different context!

Details are below the cut. Note: long!

There is additional highlighting and interlinear notes in the google drive doc, and the ability to jump across headings, found here!!

Although it should be obvious, it does bear stating - please do not plagiarize my writing in part or wholesale.

Rather, use this as a guide on how answering the prompt might get structured in the actual SOP, and how much word count real estate is dedicated to each part of the SOP prompt. 

For privacy, I’ve put filler for names and locations. Otherwise, the grammar, diction, and overall structure remains the same from the copy I submitted in my application, and thus should still be useful.

(Also, there are some faq specifics breaking down the process of write/edit/write at the very end. Useful for SOPs and in general perhaps, ymmv).

Hope this is both interesting, and helpful!

The prompt at the time from my School, for the SOP:

Statement of purpose: Approximately 1,000 words explaining your reasons for choosing to undertake graduate work in English, your intellectual training, areas of interest, and why you have chosen to apply to School of Interest.

The Statement Of Purpose:

Undertaking graduate studies in English is the natural next step as I grow as a human in my social and academic communities, as I advance my teaching skills, and as I pursue a career that includes writing, language usage, and research. While the intricacies of the English language have always fascinated me, it was through my Bachelors degree that I gained foundational knowledge about the socio-cultural and linguistic history of it. Because of these experiences, I'm even more invested in studying language and literature; these are also part of why I see graduate work in English as the enticing and obvious next step in my studies. Additionally, my work as a tutor at the Mysterious Tutoring Center in A Nearby City has reconfirmed my aptitude for teaching, especially with reading, writing, and language instruction. I’m driven to matriculate from School of Choice’s MA either directly into an editing or analytics career, or to a PhD program focused on one of my areas of interest.

My intellectual studies and training primarily occurred during my Bachelor's degree, which I earned cum laude in Year. I majored in English and Medieval Studies, and minored in Linguistics and Creative Writing. I delighted in gaining a broad knowledge of the English language, chronologically and across these interconnected disciplines. I have a solid foundation in English and British literature, and am familiar with how stylistic periods like Romanticism are demarcated (and, in fact, fueled) by historical events. I had the opportunity to study Old English in my last academic year, part of which focused on reading, and speaking, the text of Beowulf. Simultaneously, I studied Old Norse (or Old Icelandic) across two trimesters, in an advanced reading and discussion course, utilizing E.V. Gordon’s An Introduction to Old Norse, 2nd Edition. Both of these language and literature studies offered key development in the precision and relevancy of my analysis and translation. 

Another essential part of my Bachelor’s was “The Special Creative Writing Workshop.” During this year-long creative writing program, I studied fiction intensively, and produced a Special Inquiry Essay – the workshop’s cumulative thesis – investigating the relationship between first-person omniscience, and how the points-of-view of different types of narrators can support that omniscience. With several years hindsight, the essay needs a narrower focus on the texts I synthesized, such as Jorge Luis Borges’ “Borges and I,” and Markus Zusak’s The Book Thief. Dissecting how creative writing techniques facilitate the story and thus thematic elements is an area of fascination for me. I easily envision myself using these creative writing lenses in conjunction with rhetorical and cultural analysis frameworks during the Master’s.

In a natural extension of my undergraduate studies, the Medieval era is of interest, particularly in the Scandinavian countries and in Britain. While understanding that the English language and literature are intimately entwined with knowing the associated cultural and linguistic history, there are other areas that I’d like to explore in depth during my Master’s of English. The intersection of gender and literature, studied cross-culturally, is very important to me. This is an area of study that my academic experience has lacked so far, and so I’m excited by the opportunity to investigate these areas with professors at School of Interest. Critical theory is an area of study that’s increasingly essential; I hope to investigate it in the context of political theory, in order to better understand how literature and rhetorical arguments are used tactically in the political sphere. Lastly, I’m interested in Twentieth Century literature from a global perspective, synthesizing how cultures understand and tell stories of human bodies and gender identity. I’m looking forward to narrowing my focus among these interests as I proceed with the Masters, especially for the Optional M.A. Essay. The structure of this essay is an essential opportunity to further my writing and research experience in preparation for pursuing a PhD in English.

A final area of interest is in teaching. My tutoring work among all ages at the Mysterious Tutoring Center has helped refine my career goals. Working with younger students and getting to see the real impact on their literacy is deeply fulfilling. That said, tutoring work I’ve done with older students in prep for the SAT, for teaching essay revision and writing styles, have all demonstrated my further aptitude for teaching older students. Earning the Master’s of English at School of Interest gives me the prerequisite skills and qualifications to pursue teaching at collegiate levels. 

School of Interest is the right school to advance my academic and intellectual training for several reasons. That the school is known for fostering a diverse, accepting, and supportive academic community is critical. I believe that having supportive peers and faculty is a key part of supporting peoples’ growth as critical thinkers and ethical community members. Of even more importance, many of the professors and faculty have fields and specializations that align with my areas of interest. This assures me that School of Interest faculty will best support me toward pursuing an editing career, or toward further education in a PhD program. The overlap also assures me that my areas of interest will be a support to current faculty and fellow students; I’m excited to join the ongoing conversations, and learn even more in a collaborative environment.

Overall, my decision to pursue the M.A. in English at School of Interest is driven by genuine passion for the language and literature, a commitment to rigorous growth and study, and a desire to contribute meaningfully to the academic community. I look forward to advancing my rhetorical skills, in conjunction with my teaching, in order to better serve students. School of Interest is the ideal choice in all respects for studying the English language and literature, and the socio-cultural history thereof; I can’t wait to begin. 

Word count in my successful application: 952

Word count in this modded copy: 963

Presumed FAQ / SOP Writing / General Writing Advice: 

How does this SOP reflect me as a writer/person?

I’m a rather literal person at times, and I am often terrible at telling jokes/perceiving jokes. I do like being poetic sometimes, but not at the expense of being clear and direct (...unless a point cannot be expressed except via poetry…), especially in contexts that want some clear answers to specific questions (an SOP as a case in point). My writing reflects that: In the SOP, I don’t use any metaphors/similes to describe/contextualize my writing, experience, or goals. Once I state a fact of my skills/experience, it’s rarely repeated. My goals, though, do get repeated/reinforced a little. 

I see the MA as about developing rhetorical and analytical skills, learning about genres, styles, historical context, etc. Synthesizing analytical frameworks with works of writing, and being able to understand why and how these writings are structured, and what they communicate. These are in fact some of my academic goals. All of this requires clear writing, the ability to interconnect ideas, etc. My SOP is, in itself, an example of my ability to complete those things, and my aspiration for those goals, how I balance writing about complicated things (...writing sample of course is primary proof of the latter, tho). My writing also reflects how I like things -- organized, flowing from one thing to the next, with a little bit of interweaving of topics/ideas.

I also love to understand the intersection of culture, linguistics, and history, with a given work of writing. My Bachelor’s degree reflects this, and it’s also demonstrated in the interests I have for the Master’s. 

A point of contrast is James McGirk’s successful MFA SOP, one of the few I found to guide myself. Found here: http://jamesmcgirk.com/mfa-personal-statement/. He writes in a direct style as well, but it’s much more a narrative than mine (which is very fitting for his MFA fiction program). He provides essential details of his intellectual training, his inspiration, what he’s lacking, and his goals for the program, all at the same time as telling a bit of his life story and work history, and the story of how all of those things came about for him. It’s both incredibly succinct, and incredibly detailed; his word count lands at 503 words.  Specific word choice tells a story: “dragged” in his second sentence gives the impression of reluctance; McGirk, the kid carted around at his parents behest. Different choice of verbs in this context – traveled, lived, explored – could get across the same facts, but with less emotional context, and less development of the story of his experience. Choosing a verb like “dragged” over others is what makes a piece of writing have your voice and not others. For McGirk, this experience was of being dragged (negative experience); for a different kid and different context, it could have been “explored” or even “adventured” (positive experiences). McGirk telling a story of himself in his SOP is thematically relevant for his application; his SOP is demonstrating his storytelling skills in itself, proof for the storytelling work he’ll have to do in the MFA, even as it communicates the factual details that the SOP needs to have. 

Key things that we both ultimately have in common? Clear demonstration of the training we currently have, an understanding of what we currently lack, and statement of what we want to accomplish through the program.

Back to my SOP - How the heck did I start writing? 

As the corresponding highlighting indicates (between prompt and essay), I first broke the prompt into the Big Ideas that I needed to answer. 

Then, for each of those ideas, I brainstormed facts/examples/details and made a little list and collection of sentence fragments. Then, those turned into full sentences and paragraphs – the very first draft. It was rough, jagged edges, no pretty transitions. 

Expect your first draft to go over word count. That’s normal! It’s also normal to be under-count!! Both of these states have happened to me, and will no doubt continue to happen. First drafts are mainly about getting complete sentences written, and then put in the barest of bare minimum structure of some organized thought. And that’s the writing done! (for now.) 

But… the word count??

Word count is just about the last thing to worry about when it comes to writing SOPs (or anything that requires a word count, really). Word count generally gets fixed by editing, not by writing… unless you’re really short of words. In theory, content editing and line edit will do the brunt of the work to getting the correct word count. Editing to reduce word count is also part of what makes your writing more precise. Editing to get rid of passive voice, for example. Passive voice generally uses more words to communicate information; changing to active voice can make your grammar less complex, and also reduce that word count. But again, worrying specifically about this is the last thing we do! First, we need to figure out if we’ve even answered the prompt yet! 

So what, that’s it for writing? What’s next then? 

Yup, first bit of writing is done! Now, it’s development editing (which secretly include writing, but writing with a specific goal)!

Think of editing like this: 

A beautiful triangle, but upside down, so the widest part of the triangle is at the top. And the narrowest part of the triangle is at the bottom, and is the “last” thing you do for the piece of writing. 

The different stages tend to overlap a little as you go along. You might notice a paragraph level issue as you think about the structure of the whole essay/statement, for example. But overall, this triangle represents a gradient of editing, where as you resolve big picture things, your editing focus narrows to more specific and more detailed changes in the essay/statement. This editing process also reflects what essays themselves do – take a big idea/question, and get specific about part of it. Then going into detail, and arriving at pointed conclusions — and finished works.

Development Edit??

This one’s pretty much on the tin. We look over the writing, and see if we really do have the key big ideas, the key parts of the SOP prompt written down. Ask yourself questions, try to think about things from different angles/ POV’s. 

Is there context missing? Do we really state why, specifically, we want This One School? What are the benefits of This One School, that might not be found elsewhere? And not just its location or its cost! Does the structure of the program match your goals? Does the length of the program, or any perks it has?

Structural Edit??

Getting into this phase, we think we have the SOP prompt mostly answered. We’ve got the key info. Now we’re making the essay organized.

In mine, for example, my first paragraph acts almost as a thesis, demonstrating what the subsequent paragraphs of the SOP will discuss, and also what order that discussion will happen. In my first paragraph, the order mostly goes pink (why a Master’s), orange (academic training), green (interests), blue (why school). That pattern mostly continues through the rest of the SOP. My second paragraph and part of the third are all orange. End of the second and all of the third paragraph are green. A bit of red and blue get interwoven, since it’s logical that my orange academic training and my green interests are what drive me to want a Master’s, and drive me to a specific school. Paragraphs six and seven are almost entirely blue - why specific school. For me, this makes a strong conclusion to the SOP – showing that I have clear goals and drive to graduate from the program, and that I know why this school is right for me, and I for it. 

The red (why a Master’s) is the only thing of the prompt that I don’t dedicate a paragraph to. Info for that is woven throughout, and is partly answered in the blue text itself as well. 

Why this order for everything? 

Academic training is, for me, a foundation for all the rest, and so after the “introduction/thesis” of the first paragraph, I liked to have academic training be the very next topic. This info contextualizes all the rest for readers. This goes naturally into my interests… and then my interests drive what school I choose, and how my goals will be met a Specific School. 

It’s entirely valid to use a different structure, though!

Fronting the blue, about why school, makes a lot of sense too. Putting that info in the second paragraph sets up the why a Master’s and why this program in the same paragraph. Stating the importance of those things, your goals for the program. Then, it would transition to why qualified… next paragraphs about training (orange). The green (interests) might be the interwoven thing, in this case. It would be touched on in the why program. It would be touched on in training as well… did your training inspire current interests? Or are your interests something new or beyond what the training was?

Whatever you start in the first paragraph, keep that pattern/organization.

Content Edit??

This is getting back into writing, but on a more detailed level than the first draft and the broad development edit view. This is looking at each paragraph on its own. And also thinking about the bridge (or transition) from one paragraph and to the next. Are the ideas expressed clearly? Are there details missing? Are there too many details that are distracting from the “topic” of each paragraph? During this, you might be adding sentences that are interweaving info (that had been missing) into appropriate spots in the statement. 

In content (and in line) edits, we also think about the tone and voice. Is the style – academic versus casual – consistent across the topics/paragraphs? 

During this, we touch on word count a little. Are there parts that are irrelevant or tangential? Can we make this part shorter, express the same idea with less?

Line Edit??

At this stage we’re getting narrow – thinking about each sentence. Is a sentence really long – unnecessarily so, or is the length because of expressing a complex idea? Are there sentences in the passive voice, which could be written instead in the active, and thus be shorter? 

Is there any unnecessary repetition - perhaps of adverbs or adjectives? Are there more precise alternatives, or could we delete for clarity and/or word count?

This might also touch on style and word choice. Is that higher diction word choice really the one you need? Or is the “simpler” version better, just for clarity’s sake. For example, using “shows” versus the various “demonstrates,” “proves,” “exhibits,” “displays,” “presents,” and etc.

Final Proof??

Self explanatory, I think? Find a friend to help, perhaps. If not, then change the font or size of the text. Change to a different word processor. Read aloud as slowly as possible, to read every word. Find ways to “see” the writing with fresh or different eyes, and look for those sneaky minor errors. Spelling. Punctuation. Verb conjugation – are you consistently using past and present tense at the right times? Point of View - do you only use a first person pronon once in the whole statement? Would consistency be better with only using third person? Do you accidentally use slang, or more casual writing?

Editing for word count – how do I do it?

Ideally, the brunt of managing the word count is done during content and line edits. But if at the end, we’ve still got too many words…

Process-wise, this is just rereading, over and over, checking what can be changed and what cannot. 

First, double check - can any transitions or conjunctions be shorter? Have we cut non-essential adverbs? Do we need to reduce adjectives, any poetic or descriptive language? Do we have repeating words or phrases that are all expressing the same idea already? Can we use abbreviations for the school name or other organizations?

If we’ve already done all of that, then we need to cycle back up to content editing, and if desperate, development editing. This is backtracking and thinking about our Big Ideas… can we make the examples of them shorter? Or reduce how much space is dedicated to a given topic? Are we sure this info isn’t already stated elsewhere in the application? 

Development and structure, then, what are things I left out of the SOP?

I didn’t feel the need to state the actual name of the school where I earned my Bachelor’s. That info is listed in the resume required by the application, and in the secondary form of the application where you fill in prior education history. I didn’t need to use word count to state that fact, already found elsewhere. Also, the name of the school is more-or-less less important than what I learned there. Also also, just saying “Bachelor’s” is more succinct than the full school name. 

I only wrote out the full name of the Master’s program school once or twice, and used abbreviations for all other references. 

I didn’t talk about some of my other recent job history… In the interim since earning my Bachelor’s, I’ve mostly worked in restaurants. While that’s been great for my Spanish speaking skills, and my interpersonal skills, details about restaurant are less-than-relevant for Master’s level academic work. So, if your current work history isn’t directly related to your program of choice, or demonstrating a key skill for it, I’d say don’t include that work history. Also, it’s prob already in your resume, so.

A sidenote: The tutoring work that I’ve done I only use in the SOP as proof of teaching capability (I was trying to be a Graduate Teaching Assistant…didn’t get chosen for that, alas), and also as part of what led me to desire Master’s level work in order to be qualified to teach older students/college level students. If I had a lower max word count (like, 750), I probably would have cut this information. 

I didn’t talk about the writing sample I submitted for the application. The writing sample I used was an essay from one of the English classes focused on the Medieval time period, which I edited and expanded to fit the application’s page count requirements (15-20 pg sample). My thought is that the writing sample should speak for itself. Meanwhile, the SOP is about things the writing sample can’t say/demonstrate. 

I didn’t talk about how I had to withdraw from one of the terms of my Bachelor’s for a legit medical reason (.... it was back surgery 🙃). I did have this info in early drafts of my SOP, but ended up cutting it for a couple reasons. For one, this info is in a note on my official transcript already. And ultimately, the withdrawal didn’t dramatically affect my GPA, or what my Bachelor’s accomplished. It just made my graduation term bumped out to a Fall term (a weird time, but eh). Also, trying to include this information in a logical way was making my second paragraph too dense, and the medical info was distracting readers from the more interesting/important info – my intellectual training. I also couldn’t make it fit nicely in the first paragraph, and it definitely wasn’t topical to anything in the third paragraph and beyond.

I didn’t talk about the Honor and Professional Organizations that I’m part of… both from during Bachelor’s and now. Those are mentioned in resume. And often, there's the extra form to fill in, on the online application. And SOP didn’t have a direct question about these… and they don’t directly contribute to my training – that is mostly in classes.

So the content of the SOP… what do I include and exclude?

Well, first priority is to answer the school’s SOP prompt. I cannot overstate that. That is a number one basic thing that the application reviewers will look for. Word count allowing, then you think about secondary things. 

Secondary things… what are things that I can include, can state/demonstrate relevantly in the SOP, that cannot be found anywhere else in the application (not in resume, writing sample, other Q’s, and other form questions). Similarly, use different annecdotes to prove skills/experiences throughout the application. 

And on the flip – to an extent, exclude things from the SOP that can already be found elsewhere. A little info might overlap, because in the SOP I need to contextualize the info somehow. But overall as little overlap as possible. And in editing the SOP, look for things that don’t answer the prompt, and cut them. What these things are… it's gonna vary based on the SOP prompt, what your program is, and word count. 

[circumlocutoryconlanger]

ive been writing academic-style school papers for years and years but even to this day, every single time i go to use i.e. or e.g. i literally have to say to myself in my head:

e.g. = 'for egzample'

i.e. = 'in eother words'

and like ???? i probably could have come up with a less shitty mnemonic but i also cant say this one has ever failed me so

[snartfulisms]

Scouts step towards tolerance

[andsewingishalfthebattle]

Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.

Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU

[naivegh0ul]

ghost who is soooo sensitive. like crazy sensitive. he struggles not to cum instantly when he's inside you because you just feel so good. so warm and wet and tight and fuck, he's cumming.

and when he cums, he cums. dumps bucket loads inside you. his voice gets all high and whiny when he cums, too. his hips jerking and his head nuzzled into the crook of your neck bc he's so embarrassed that he came before you even started.

the best thing about his sensitivity tho is that he can go again once he's finished cumming. doesn't matter if he's barely finished emptying his balls, he's going again, mouth on yours as he thrusts his sticky, cum-covered cock into you.

[thesilliestcryptid]

the hannibal wiki is insane

this isn't even the worst of it

[gammija]

tiefling jon's first day at the Archives

[starry-bi-sky]

Danielle and Danyal's meeting... very, very quickly goes very sour from, basically, the moment Danny steps into his room and finds Ellie sitting on his bed (strike one) and reading the comic books Tucker introduced him to (strike two). By the time she's looked up to address him, Danny has the door locked, and a hand hovering near the knife hidden under his shirt.

She gets her third strike when Danny, in a voice that could make the mountains tremble, demands to know how she got into his room, and she lies (with uncertainty of her decision growing in her chest) that Jazz let her in. Danny's hand shifts closer to his weapon, and he turns towards her fully, and says that Jazz would never let someone he didn’t know into his room, and who was she.

(Vlad Masters had underprepared Danielle for her meeting with Danny -- not out of any completely direct malicious intent, but he failed to mention just how... 'touchy' Daniel could be -- he failed to mention the scars littering up his arms, unhidden by the hoodie tee he meets Ellie in. He failed to mention that along with those scars, that Danny was visibly lean, capable of doing very real damage without the use of his powers.)

(He tells Ellie that he’s adopted, and that he is observant and clever, but ungrateful and has a bad attitude.)

Her final strike occurs when Ellie, trying to keep her facade of cheeriness, tells him that she’s his third cousin once removed. Immediately, Danny has his dagger pulled out, and Ellie finds herself with the cold metal of a blade pressing against her throat.

Danyal 'A.G' Fenton hasn’t killed since he arrived in Amity Park. At first it was because mother told him to keep a low profile, and killing would do the opposite of that. But, he's been slowly learning from his sister and friends over the years the value of human life. So it's become a combination of keeping his head down, and also that life has value to it.

But. That doesn’t mean he can’t kill, nor is he opposed to doing it if the situation calls for it. It just means that he doesn't do it. And ‘Danielle’ is an unknown in his room, claiming to be family to him, and appearing uncannily similar to him and his family. Either someone hired her and she was trying to pass herself off as a relative to him because that someone realized Danny was the biggest threat, or, his false death has been compromised, his mother was unable to tell him, and the league was aware he was alive.

No matter how he looks at it, this Danielle was a threat to him, his sister, his friends, to Damian, and to the Drs. Fenton. Danyal Fenton doesn't kill, but he has no problems doing so.

(Ellie, pinned under Danny’s knee and the blade to her neck, is too terrified to think of phasing out of his hold. Not that it would help, he would just chase after her.)

“You have broken into my home, dared to lie to my face, and when I demanded to know the truth, you dared lie to me again." Danny's scowl could cower even Skulker, his glacier blue eyes burning. "Your continual breath has been a favor from me, that I have graciously allowed, from the moment you entered my room, dahkil."

"So I will ask one more time," he hisses, "who. are. you."

Danielle, only a few months old, unprepared for the ice storm that is "Daniel" Fenton, and his clone in only flesh and blood, and not memories, immediately breaks. And tells him that she was his clone, that Vlad sent her to come capture him, and to please not kill her.

Danny's face twists with anger, Ellie thinks he's going to kill her anyways. Instead, he withdraws his knife and gets off her, stringing out curses in Arabic as he sheathes his weapon back into its hiding place faster than Ellie can blink.

He switches to English as she is collecting her bearings (and contemplating fleeing), and Danny paces the room like a tiger in a cage. "--of course that wretched, arrogant, peacocking little ingrate would do something so infuriating. I should have driven my sword into the shrivel of his heart when I had the chance--"

Ellie, for a moment, thinks of leaving while he is distracted. And starts to slowly creep away. But Danny notices instantly, and whirls on her. His too-bright eyes bore into her head: "Where do you think you're going."

"...I'm leaving."

And Danny scoffs at her, "Why? So you can fly back to Masters and tell him that you failed to capture me, and that I know that he cloned me?" He says, and Ellie remains silent -- that's exactly what she was going to do. "He will destroy you within seconds."

Of course, Ellie rears back in offense, and she finds the footing to glare at him. "He would not! He's my dad, he loves me!"

Danny gets in her face, glowering back with an equal intensity. "He does not." He snaps, "Vlad Masters has not a soul in his body nor a heart in his chest. He would sooner cut off the hand that helps him stand, than to take it along with him."

"If you're really made of my blood, then I will teach you only this: we bow not our heads nor our hearts to anyone." Danny's too-blue eyes narrow, and his voice dips into a hiss, "Especially not to a conniving snake like Masters. Your heart: cut it off, or cut it out. He will sooner leave you to bleed."

Then, he unlocks the door and drags her out before she has much time to act. And as he drags her down the hall he shoots Sam and Tucker a text, and they meet up at Nasty Burger. Ellie is a spitfire, but Danny has her too intimidated to leave.

"This is Danielle," he tells them bluntly as he corners her into the booth, "she's my clone. Masters created her."

Ellie is with them for a week, and somehow throughout that time, Danny manages to actually get her to like him throughout that time. He's callous, blunt, and full of sharp edges that you can cut yourself on. But when he's not spitting venom, he's fretting.

When he drags her back to the house after being with Sam and Tucker, he pulls her to Jazz's room and opens the door to tell her the same thing. "This is Danielle." He says upon abruptly opening the door, interrupting Jazz's studying as he pulls Ellie inside. "She is my clone, Masters created her. She needs clothes."

Then he turns and leaves, shutting the door behind him. Ellie, in that moment, thinks that now's her chance to flee. But Jazz then squeals, and she is trapped in new arms, shaken around by Jazz Fenton, excited for a sister.

(Ellie finds herself complaining to Jazz that night, shoved into old pajamas. She's in utter disbelief that Jazz could care about a jerk like Danny.)

("He's rough around the edges, but Danny does care." Jazz tells her, combing through her hair with her fingers. "We've been working on it ever since he joined the family, but Danny warms up slowly. He's usually less stoney; I think your arrival spooked him.")

("Spooked him?" Ellie repeats, she doesn't believe it at all. "He has a funny way of showing it, he threatened to kill me!" And she turns around just in time to see Jazz's press her lips into a line.)

("He's... very protective. He'll deny if you ask him, but he worries a lot." Jazz's fingers find her hair again. "What I do know for certain though, is that he wouldn't have kept you here if he wasn't worried about you at least a little bit.")

(Ellie doubts it.)

But Ellie is indeed there for a week, and the day after her initially rocky introduction with Danny, he is a little bit kinder to her. Still kinda a bitch, but he's less harsh to her, if... almost uncomfortable around her. Flighty, kinda.

Whenever she gets mouthy at him though, he looks oddly smug about it and, infuriatingly enough, praises her attitude. He is very, very annoying. And still kinda terrifying. But hearing him shout insults via puns at someone during a ghost fight that happens that week lessens the intimidating factor,,, a little bit.

Things go about,,,, relatively,,,, similar to canon. In the sense that it ends with Ellie defecting from Vlad because she finds out that Danny was right and that Vlad didn't actually care about her. (And that Jazz had been right too; Danny, in his weird, mean way, had been worried about her as well)

Danny looks out of his depth as she talks about how he was right, and he cuts her off with a vaguely uncomfortable clearing of his throat. And gives her the most awkward, but genuine apology he can muster.

"I should've used more tact when telling you about Masters, and I... apologize for threatening you when we met. I was..." he makes a face like he's sucked on a particularly sour lemon, "worried. First about my family, and then later about you."

(Ellie will be damned: Jazz was right)

Before Ellie leaves, Danny puts a hand on her shoulder and tells her: "I wasn't kidding about what I said to you when we first met: you are of my blood, and as such, you do not bow your head nor your heart to anyone."

Ellie looks at him, thinks about the last week, and smiles like she's caught him in a trap. "What about Sam and Tucker then? And Jazz?"

Danny smiles, it's awkward and tilted, like his face isn't used to the gesture. "We bow not our hearts, but that doesn't mean we can't share."

[think-and-write]

[static-radio-ao3]

James Potter does not get addicted to things. Never has, never will. Even loving Regulus is not an addiction. Rather, it is a habit. It comes as naturally to him as breathing does. It is as unthinking as the beat of his heart. Loving Regulus is muscle memory. He brushes his teeth in the morning, standing just the slightest bit off-center in front of the mirror, and he loves Regulus. He makes breakfast in the morning, a little too much because he’s still used to cooking for two, and he loves Regulus. He packs his bag in the morning, accidentally grabbing the wrong wand and no one around to correct him, and he loves Regulus. Old habits die hard. Regulus Black died easy.

[fabledfoxglove]

I pray to thee, Lady Hestia, Blessed Keeper of Hearth and Home,

Protector of families both by blood and by choice,

You who maintain the eternal fire on Olympus,

You are the spark that ignites the flame,

The warmth that comforts in the chill of night.

In your unending warmth and tender-heartedness,

My soul finds peace and healing.

Please guide me with patience and strength as I strive for independence,

And navigate the complexities of life

May your divine presence bring harmony within my family and protection for my home.

With profound gratitude and unwavering reverence,

I offer this prayer to you,

O Hestia, eternal and benevolent.

May your favor be ever upon me.

[swordsmans]

i just really, really love the idea of zoro having no real "survival skills" because he had a much more traditional (if atypical) childhood/youth than most of the crew. bandit heritage aside, he was raised in a tight-knit and relatively peaceful community with (at best) agricultural outskirts. he doesn't leave until he's much older, at which point he becomes a bounty hunter as a way to make money (to pay for food, shelter, etc. presumably in villages, towns, and cities). we know from the non-canon johnny and yosaku backstories that he "hunted" for bounties in cities/towns, at least partially.

meanwhile luffy has been running around the wilderness since he was like seven years old, securing his own food, building fire and shelter, and just generally toughening up/learning how to live in nature. we know he had a pretty extensive knowledge of bugs and how to catch them, so with that + his childhood i don't think it's a stretch to assume he also has an understanding of edible plants and non-monstrous wildlife (even if its not all applicable outside the East Blue). he's survived on his own in the wilderness for years at a time at least twice in canon.

i think it's fun to think of them having... some sort of "zoro is lost in more ways than one" kinda vibe early on in their journey, especially since they're constantly broke pre-timeskip and we know that at least by little garden the crew has started hunting and foraging to supplement their stores. you could absolutely rope the rest of the east blue grew into this, but zoro is still sort of the outlier with his background.

i dunno. maybe i just like the image of luffy trying to teach zoro how to hunt or fish and both of them just having the dumbest time with it. luffy would be really earnest but impatient--and zoro would be stubborn about admitting he doesn't know shit but would still listen and absorb anyway.

luffy having no clue how to start small and work up to new skills, so they end up going after massive wild boars or something as a first or second lesson and zoro just rolls with it because sure, yeah, thats normal. what the hell does he know? (and also hes fucking. zoro. so.)

or luffy teaching zoro to fish normally but also like a bear fishes (standing knee-deep in the water and catching fish with his bare hands) because it looks more fun that way and he cant. and zoro just fucking up soooo bad but getting really competitive anyway, even though luffy is just, like, sitting on a nearby rock yelling (frankly terrible) directions at him or something. zoro catches nothing and luffy tells him he looks stupid getting angry at the river so of course zoro is going to master fucking. bare-handed fishing because the man's got one braincell and its 99% stubborn pride.

he fucking sucks at starting a fire, wouldnt even consider building proper shelter, and in general would not make it 0.2 seconds outside a populated environment without his captain--a guy raised by the jungle and ace, who was basically a wild animal himself.

idk. survival-competent luffy is very near and dear to my heart.

[teamred]

Hello! Could you maybe write some sfw and nsfw headcanons on what dating Qimir would be like? Like his goofy side mostly? If that’s okay with you. I can’t find anything on your account about requests, so if you don’t take requests, I’m very sorry.

dating merchant!qimir sfw and nsfw headcanons!

sfw headcanons:

qimir isn’t big on pda, but when alone, it’s all fair game

he loves to kiss your skin tenderly, such as your shoulder, the crook of your neck, or the inside of your wrist

qimir always keeps a caring eye on you

“need a refill of your water canister?”

“you should probably sleep early for training in the morning. you know the master doesn’t like it when you’re tired.”

qimir’s usually far from being clingy, and yet, after sex and when he’s drunk is another story

clingy qimir includes nuzzling his nose against your skin like a lovesick puppy, hugging you lots, and saying “i love you” over and over (especially when he’s really drunk, but it's rare)

overall, qimir’s a heavy sleeper, but there are nights where he has intense nightmares or simply can’t sleep

on those nights, he loves to spoon you and hold you close, even if you’re fast asleep

if you ever have any dedicated date nights, qimir’s often late (like he normally is to anything), but he makes it up with a gift, hand holding, and post-dinner affairs...

nsfw headcanons:

foreplay is intimate – lots of kissing and touching

qimir loves to wind you up before sex through fingering or eating you out

qimir’s favourite position is split between missionary and doggy

despite his goofy, timid appearance, he has a more dominant side in bed (but he also won’t say no if you want to ride him)

loves to tease... he’ll spend minutes just rubbing his cock against your wet cunt, and you’ll be begging for him to put it in, but he’ll only do it when he’s content

sometimes likes to dirty talk

“show me how good you are.”

“tell me how it feels.”

qimir is a bit vocal with his moans, especially when you’re on your knees and deepthroat him until his eyes roll

qimir has a bit of a pain kink

he’s a little sensitive with his back from the scar he received as a teenager (he avoids the topic), but he loves it when your nails dig into his shoulders or into his arms, or even when you tug at his hair hard

prefers to thrust deep and hard; if slow, he wants to tease you or to savour the moment

aftercare, as aforementioned, is always soft; he wants to ensure that he never really hurts you at the end of it all

[coquelicoq]

what i like especially about the pronouns in the goblin emperor is that this language doesn't just have the T-V distinction (aka informal vs. formal second-person pronouns, in this case 'thou' vs. 'you'), it also has informal and formal first-person pronouns. having BOTH of these distinctions in the same language lets you fine-tune your tone by mixing and matching. with only one axis of formality, when you use informal pronouns, are you being familiar in an intimate way, or in an insolent or dismissive way? when you use formal pronouns, are you being polite or standoffish? you can't tell just from the pronouns; there's ambiguity. but a language where you can use a formal first-person pronoun in the same sentence as an informal second-person pronoun allows you to distance yourself (via the formal first) while also being familiar (via the informal second), thereby achieving the conversational tenor known to linguists as Fuck Thee Specifically.

[catboydan]

my very specific prediction for the upcoming AITA video: he'll open by explaining that last week on the gaming channel he had an 'AITA' moment himself [insert clips from the dan eye incident here]

then he'll lead into the vid by saying something like "and that inspired me to ask you all for your 'am I the hole' moments", and only then will he bring up that this time, he asked for specifically dating/love-related stories, leaving us to piece together that the intro is a dating/love related story via the maxim of relevance