#fuck them (heartbroken but admiring)

[notitlemp3]

my review of the fontaine archon quest act v:

i thought the sumeru story was sad. I THOUGHT THE SUMERU STORY WAS SAD

[nostalgicmiscellaneous]

I'm that type of romantic that actually was really touched about the small things about Colin "Last of the Romantics'' Bridgerton: - Colin defending her, telling her he loved her first and being silly just to make her laugh, happy to dance with her and make her feel beautiful and loved, already so excited that he acts like she's already Mrs. Bridgerton and once she actually is, he clearly loves saying "My wife", being happy to show her their home together; - Colin making sure their first time was good for her, making all about her pleasure and taking pleasure on her enjoyment, reassuring her all the way through and after ; - Colin not being able to pretend he's unhappy about marrying her, encouraging her to come to him at the altar. He was an emotional mess because he loves her and it showed, from his smile, dancing with her, to kissing her and caressing her face: - Colin repressing himself, trying not to sleep with her not because he doesn't love or desire her but because he is the type of guy that needs them to be perfectly connected for that, because that's how it was with her, he loves her and when they did make love it was a complete connection to him and anything less taints what they have, if he still has negative feelings and doubts, but being "weak" when she says i love you, his brain short-circuits and his heart and body acted; - Colin feeling lonely and admitting to himself that it was mostly because Pen didn't reply to his letters, him keeping her letters, and smiling to himself while he reads it; - Colin so heartbroken and sad and yet he is there, in their home, sleeping on that fucking couch but there, not on the streets making her feel insecure about his whereabouts; - Colin learning to love equally, accepting and respecting, admiring her, taking pleasure on her success, unafraid of confessing his feelings and his issues, letting himself be helped and loved back... Those are a few of the things that i love about Colin this season...yes, he lashed out unfairly sometimes, he was stubborn and had his ego bruised at times, but he learned and he never stopped trying to protect her, even if with the wrong approach at times. That, my friends, means to me way more than many sex scenes. But that's just me, i like the details, the in between the lines.

[autistichalsin]

Analysis of each character's final words in the new Dark Urge evil ending

If you are romanced to a character, you have the option, when taking the new version of the Sins of the Father ending, to kill your partner in front of the others in your party, killing them with one last kiss. They then give their last words and pass away. I love each and every one and feel they are incredible characterization moments.

So let's break these down!

Lae'zel:

I... I am glad it was you. No other blade would have sufficed.

This is something that hammers home that, Vlaakith or no, Lae'zel deeply believes in all the ideals of a Githyanki. Life is a privilege for the strong, and death is the price of weakness. Further, if romanced, Lae'zel will affectionately call you "the source of my bruises" many times. If she has to die, if she has finally found the one person stronger than herself, then she is "satisfied" that it is you- who she both loved and admired. The only one she would ever consider worthy of besting her.

Karlach:

Fuck you.

Short, simple, and to the point, just the way Karlach does everything else. She's already gone through all her stages of grief with her engine- well, almost all of them. Anger still remains. She burns hot until the end.

Wyll:

I... I forgive you.

This isn't just Wyll being a good guy. This is heartbreak, and guilt. Guilt for not saving you from Bhaal's influence when he was so sure he had. Heartbreak that after he gave his literal soul to save as many people as he could, he couldn't save you- and couldn't save others from you, either. All he sacrificed, negated in an instant by the person he loved and trusted most. Of all the characters here, Wyll (tied with Halsin) sounds the most obviously broken, and it's easy to see why, given that he is self-sacrificing to a fault.

There was a set of scenes datamined from the game, where at the Morphic Pool, the Netherbrain would have taunted the players, causing them to hallucinate things related to their fears and insecurities. Wyll's would have been a vision of himself talking about how he was never a hero, how the Blade of Frontiers was a farce all along. One can't help but think about that scene here, wondering just how much blame, bordering on self-loathing, he might feel here.

Dark Justiciar Shadowheart:

I... I'm coming to you, Lady Shar.

Another short and simple one. By becoming a Dark Justiciar, Shadowheart has fully embraced the nihilism of Shar's teachings. Why be saddened or angry at her own death when this is just what she's embraced with all her sacrifices?

(Sidenote: this does also answer a question I had, namely, what was going to happen to everyone Durge kills. Thankfully it seems they aren't actually going to be sacrificed to him as such, and will indeed end up in the realm of their deities. This makes Bhaal's plan even DUMBER, because deities in DND lore need worshippers to have enough power to exist. Killing everyone at once just guarantees that soon after Durge dies as the last person alive, so too will Bhaal fade from existence.)

Selunite Shadowheart:

I... I thought we were going to save each other...

This Shadowheart rejected everything she knew. She was scared to defy her goddess, but worked up the courage- thanks to you. She thought you would have a new life together. She believed in you. She thought she would get to return the favor, and help you turn the page on Bhaal, too.

She's not just heartbroken for herself; she's heartbroken for you, too. Heartbroken at the life you denied both her and yourself.

Gale:

You made me want to live...

From the moment the orb entered Gale's chest, he knew he was at risk of dying. Then Mystra all but marked him as a dead man walking. But despite that, he finds love with you- and for the first time thinks maybe there is a purpose for him beyond Mystra. That he isn't more useful to the world dead. More than that, he wants to live to be with you, to enjoy your company and companionship. And then you kill him, and do the one thing WORSE than what would have happened if he'd never been pulled from that rock.

It almost would have been kinder to just hack his hand off the first time you met him, though Gale may or may not agree.

Spawn Astarion:

I should have killed you when I had the chance...

The angriest, most bitter response out of all the romanced companions, a step beyond Karlach's "fuck you." This is beyond "fuck you" and even beyond "I hate you." It's "I regret every moment I spent with you." You made him believe he could have better. That he could recover from what Cazador did. You even convinced him to spare the 7,000 spawn and that he could be something better than Cazador.

And now you reveal it was all a lie. Astarion is probably thinking that you talked him out of completing the ritual solely so he'd be easier to kill right here and now. How many regrets are flashing through his mind, how many moments where he wonders if things could have been different if only he'd done this or that, even aside from killing you?

All he wanted was to live as a free person. And then the first time he thinks he has that at last, he loses it as the world ends.

Ascended Astarion:

No... no, this can't be... I can't- you can't- no...

In contrast to spawn Astarion, ascended isn't angry, because he doesn't have the clarity, the ability to process what's happening. Spawn Astarion could tell he'd been betrayed.

But Ascended? Ascended, who went through so much to become one of the most powerful beings in the world, only to STILL lose without fanfare? And by you, his own spawn who he thought he had under his control? It isn't betrayal, because he is bluescreening; he can't comprehend what happened or how or why. How could he have been killed, and by you of all people? Was all he went through killing Cazador really for nothing? How could it be when he was supposed to be the most powerful? Was power actually meaningless all along?

He doesn't say anything of substance because he can't understand what's happening here.

Halsin:

Thaniel... goodbye...

Halsin is the oldest of all the companions. He's experienced the most loss of anyone; his birth family, his fellow Druids, and, for a time, Thaniel. He has had more than enough time to contemplate his own mortality, because he's already lived multiple lifetimes.

So here, two things are happening. One, he isn't expressing anger or betrayal at his murder- because he is more than wise enough, and humble enough, to understand that there are worse things than what has been done to himself. Instead of himself, he is thinking of the world he's leaving behind that is about to fall- and most of all, of his most important person, the one who gave him a purpose, who was there when no one else was, who he failed once and only just got back. The closest thing to a child he'll ever have. In his last moments, instead of himself, Halsin is thinking of those he loves.

And second, it's an almost deliberate snubbing of Durge. He willingly walked into that kiss, knowing full well it would be the last thing he ever did. He gave you his death, he pleaded with his own god to forgive you and him both. He gave you everything he felt he owed you, and no more- no begging or sobbing. Instead, he comes as close as he ever gets to selfishness, and spends his last moments thinking about the thing that makes him the happiest- which could have been you, in another life, if you hadn't done this.

Minthara:

No... we were meant to do this together...

Heartbreak, disbelief, and betrayal. You spent so many nights planning this out. She had been cast aside by her people, her goddess, and she was going to get the last laugh. She was going to crush them personally under her heel and prove she was the best (or second best, behind you) of all of them. She's devastated she won't get to help you torture all those souls and take what she feels was owed to her. But interestingly enough... no anger. Probably because it was overshadowed by the sheer heartbreak, but also a sign that even in those moments, she still admires you for your ruthlessness.

[2hightocare]

WHAT YOU NEED ✷

Synopsis: Jungkook and you try getting into the Christmas spirit, but you end up getting fucked up against the kitchen counter.

Pairing: Jungkook x f!reader

Genre: established relationship au!

Warnings: smut, size kink, light spanking, squirting, creampie, unprotected sex (don’t b dumb nd wear condom.) fluff, cussing, Jungkook has a dirty mouth. a kms joke, hair pulling and choking

Word count: 2.3k

A/n: let’s not sayyyy.. when i say i was giggling and kicking my feet i am not fucking lying! (Jk had me on a chokehold istg😒) they flagged my shit… um

Is it barely November 1st? Yes.

Are you putting the Christmas tree up already? Fuck yeah.

Jungkook would clown you for your love for Christmas, and honestly, you didn't care because you loved everything about it. The decorations, the new flavored coffee menu’s, the gifts underneath the tree, and the cold. You loved wearing beanies, scarves, and thick hoodies. Something about this holiday takes you back to your childhood—the way you would gather with your siblings and parents in the kitchen, making sugar cookies to put under the tree for Santa.

Were you heartbroken when your parents told you they were Santa? Yes. You felt betrayed after they lied to you for thirteen years of your life. When you shared your story with Jungkook, he burst out laughing, sharing that he found out at age nine after catching his parents in the act, making you want to cry for him.

Now here you both were at 10:40 pm assembling the Christmas tree. Jungkook's mom gifted you both, which is much bigger than yours from last year.

“Oh my fuck—this is too big, baby." Jungkook admires the height of the tree with his hands rested on both sides of his hips. Your excitement rises at how many possible ways you both could decorate it.

"Well, I can tell you hate it,” your boyfriend jokes as his hands wrap around your bare waist from behind. “Your hands are cold,” you flinch. Your hands wrap around his, trying to pass him your warmth.

“And if we decorate it with tiny dicks?” You crack your neck upward to see his reaction. “I mean, go for it, baby."

You swat his chest as he burst into a fit of laughter. “You swear you’re so funny, huh?” You look at him with a serious face, your mouth twitching from trying to hold in the big smile that wants to come out.

Jungkook just shakes his head. “Wanna decorate today with last year's decorations, or we can wait till tomorrow and buy new ones, and instead we can bake Christmas cookies?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you.

Anyone in their right mind would be thinking we’re crazy for already baking Christmas cookies when December is in a whole month. But you both didn’t care.

…

“We should’ve gotten pre-made cookie dough.” Your eyes look around at the marble counter in front of you, filled with all the ingredients your mother-in-law told you to use. “On god.” Jungkook stands beside you. “You know what? Let me call my mom. We need a tutorial, I'm afraid.” You giggle as he pulls out his phone, opening up FaceTime.

The phone rings three times before the camera fills up with your mother-in-law smiling sweetly. "Hi, my babies!” She says first, Your face lights up. “Hi,” you wave a hand to the camera. “Hi mom!”

“You guys look adorable,” she motions to your guys matching pink hello kitty pajamas. “Y/n bought them; I had no choice,” he lied, knowing damn well he wanted to match first. “Sureee.” You rolled your eyes at him.

The call continued as Jungkook's mom gave you guys simple instructions like beating the sugar and butter with a whisk, which Jungkook took over because your hand started to hurt, and gradually adding flour to the mixture, which ended with both of you guys covered in white flour because Jungkook turned the mixer too fast. After wishing your goodbyes, you both slightly shake off the flour, and you put the dough in the refrigerator. Apparently, you have to let it be firm.

“So now we have two hours to wait. I say we fuck.” Jungkook slaps your ass, making you squeal. “You’re horny??” Your hands make their way to his hair, slightly pulling. "Hm, maybe,” he whispers into your mouth, and he gives you a slow, wet kiss. “I’m still sore from earlier." I mumble in between kisses. “Was I too rough?” His rough hands massage your ass. You shrug your shoulders in his embrace.

“Christmas movie, then?” He asks, “I’m so down."

….

“Shit takes like ass,” you say, finishing up the cookie.

Your boyfriend looks around for the long-gone cookie. “I don't know; let’s ask the audience.” He looks around for the invisible camera. “Bitch!” You swat his arm, and he burst out laughing, holding on to his stomach.

“You literally ate that shit up.” His head is thrown back, and the most beautiful laugh roars out of him. “I will kill myself genuinely.” You chuckle while trying another cookie without the frosting you guys tried making from a tutorial on Google.

“The frosting is ass, cause this is a bomb,” you stuff your mouth with the remaining of the cookie humming at the taste. “Am I weird cause I fuck with the frosting?" He dips his pinky nto the bowl where the white frosting is before sucking it off. “Never mind actual shit." His nose scrunches in disgust, and his tongue sticks out, making you giggle.

"No, seriously, why is it so bad?” Jungkook takes a sip of the milk he had served not so long ago. “I have no clue, baby, but the sugar cookie itself slaps." You take your half eaten cookie up to your boyfriend's mouth and say, "Open, ahh." He immediately follows commands and opens before you shove his mouth with the golden cookie. “Mhm,” Jungkook's face scrunches as he bobs his head up and down, savoring the heart-shaped cookie.

“Probably the best cookie I had in a while, not gonna lie,” he states, taking a bite of the gingerman's head.

“Do we have cinnamon?” You make your way to the drawer where you keep all the spices. “ Found it,” you make your way back to the cookie before sprinkling some on your and Jungkook's cookies before taking a huge bite. “Oh my fuck," you moan.

"Oh, my fuck indeed.” Jungkook shoves the remaining cookie into his mouth, moaning at how it melted in his mouth. "Think, I just saw stars.” You say this while he side-eyes you. “Haha no.” He says that before picking you up on the counter, he settles in between your legs.

“Horny still?” You ask again, "Yes, very, I’ll be a gentle promise.” He leaves open-mouth kisses on your neck before slowly sucking.

“No marks.” You moan, your fingers slightly tugging on his hair and making him groan. “Scarf season, princess.” He looks up with a smirk on his face, then continues his actions, sucking and licking your soft spot. You bite your lip, trying to be quiet. Jungkook slowly grinds into your clothed pussy causing you to slip out a throaty moan. “Fuck—“ you throw your head back, your legs caging him closer to where you most need him. “I need you to lose the clothes and fuck me.” Jungkook chuckles at your demanding tone.

“Yeah? Want my cock already?” His hands rub on your thighs. You nod your head, looking down at the imprint of his now-hard cock. You reach for it, but Jungkook slaps your hand away, making you pout. “Patience princess,” Jungkook's hands tug on the band of your pajamas, pulling them down and taking your underwear along with it.

You squeal as your bare ass feels the cold counter top, and your boyfriend laughs before throwing the clothes somewhere on the ground.

Your pussy clenches over nothing, and you go to press your thighs together to relieve some of the tension, only for Jungkook to hold them wide open. He pulls his hard cock out of his pants, giving himself two pumps before slapping it on your wet center. Your gaze fixated on his dick on your pussy, your lips between your teeth moaning slightly when your boyfriend gives it another slap with his dick.

“So wet for me, baby,” he says, giving it another slap. "C'mere," Jungkook's picks you off the counter from your arms, “bend over. ” He orders.

You quickly follow his command, your juices dripping down your legs from how wet you were already. Jungkook spreads open your legs some more before making his way in between them, giving your ass a slap. “Fuck—“ you clench your thighs together as he soothes the red mark he just left. “Fuck, when are you going to let me fuck this ass.” Your boyfriend asks you, giving you another spank, making you squeak.

“Never,” you moan, making him chuckle under his breath. “Worth the try.” He jokes before sinking down into you, both moaning at the feeling. You felt so full. Jungkook is so big, stretching your pussy deliciously. “So big shit," you moan, your cheek pressed against the counter as he fills you up to the hilt. “You can take it, baby,” Jungkook says between gritted teeth. He felt you clenching around him, having him on the verge of coming right there in an instant.

“Always so good for me, baby. Want me to fuck you so good, huh?” He whispers into your ear, and you clench around him, earning you another spank, ripping a loud moan out of you. “Fuck me," you stutter over the pleasure your lower belly is feeling. “That’s what I like to hear, baby,” Jungkook says before pulling his cock out, just leaving the tip in before slamming into you. Your mouth hangs open as he repeats the movements over and over again. “Fuck just like that,” you grip to the edge of the counter, your eyes close immediately, as his rough hands compare to your smooth skin, hold tightly to the sides of your hips, pounding into you from behind.

“This cunt is mine, right?” Jungkook groans, sliding his cock in and out of your walls. You could only reply with a loud moan. But that’s not enough for Jungkook; your boyfriend wraps his hand around your hair, pulling you upward and arching your back in the process. “Use your words, princess.” He orders in your ear, his movements never halting.

"Fuck—your pussy! Only yours,” you spit out whatever words you could make a sentence out of. “Fucking you dumb, huh?” He lets go of your hair and moves his hand around your neck, adorning it like a necklace and applying some pressure. "Mhmm,” you moan, trying to open your eyes but shutting close after Jungkook slams into you again.

The room fills with the wet clapping sounds, groans, and moans that keep spilling out of your guys mouths. Your fingers find your sensitive clit, applying pressure and drawing small circles. "Fuck—I'm gonna come!” Your legs shake beneath Jungkook, and his arm wraps around your waist in case your legs give out on you.

“Yeah baby? Gonna come for me?” He slaps your hand away from your clit replacing it with his. Your back arches against him, and his cock continues hitting your g-spot repeatedly, sending you over the edge.

“Oh fuc—“ Your words are cut short when the pleasure in your belly finally snaps, and Jungkook's fingers furiously move on your pussy, making you scream into your hand. Wetness pools on your feet, dripping down your legs. “Fuck so hot when you squirt,” Jungkook continues fucking you through your orgasm, the overstimulation has you shaking underneath him. “Too much fu-fuck,” you head drops to the counter. You clench, sending Jungkook over the edge.

“Coming,” your boyfriend's head drops to your shoulder, his movements becoming sloppy, springs of cum shooting inside you, moaning at the feeling.

His movements come to a halt, his mind foggy, his cock throbbing when he pulls out, making you whine, feeling empty.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Jungkook mutters under his breath as he sees his cum dripping out of your hole. Without a second thought, he shoves it back in with his index finger. “Aw shit,” you moan at the sensitivity.

He chuckles, kissing your shoulder blade. “You were so good for me, baby.” He leaves open-mouthed kisses all over your back, breathing heavily. You are trying to catch your breath, and your legs feel like jelly, not being able to move from your current position.

“Mhm,” you hum softly, your eyes closing. "Baby, don’t fall asleep on me,” Jungkook smiles at you, picking you up in bridal style, making you to squeal.

"How the fuck can you be so cute after just getting railed?” Your boyfriend moves your hair out of your face as you try to snuggle into his chest. “You play too much,” you mumble.

Jungkook lays you down on the bed before disappearing into your guys bathroom; a couple minutes later, coming out changed and with a warm rag in hand, “here, baby open,” he coos motioning to your legs. You do as he says. He slowly cleans and wipes your center, making you moan from oversensitivity. “Almost done,” he says before giving a last swipe and throwing the rag somewhere in the room.

“Do you want a pill, baby?” He asks against your cheek, to which you nod. He stands up, walking to your side of the closet and getting you something comfy to wear. “Here. Be right back.” Jungkook leaves the clothes next to you and leaves the room.

As you change into your clothes, Jungkook waltz’s in with an ibuprofen and a glass of water on his other hand. “Here,” he says, waiting for you to poke your head out of his hoodie before handing you the small pill.

You swallow the pill without any complaints before dropping down on the bed. “So tired.” Your eyes close before you even hit the pillow, making him chuckle. “Worn you out, huh?” He teases before dropping beside you, pulling the covers over both of you. You immediately cuddle up to his side, feeding off the warmth he radiates. Your leg is over his torso, and your hand is on his chest.

“I love you, princess.” He whispers into your hair, leaving a small kiss on your forehead. “I love you; now let’s go, mimi’s." You kiss his clothed chest, hoping he can still feel the kiss.

[yurinabluu]

🔹1. Watching from afar

synopsis- Break-up of the it couple of the university was surely shocking for everyone but yu jimin didn't care. She knew it was right to do as she was in love with somebody else. Precisely her ex's bestfriend.

“Yu Jimin is unreal.” 

“She is probably the most gorgeous woman ever like have you seen her.”

“And so talented as well. This is the third time she has won the gold for our uni in swimming. God really has his favourites, isn't it?”

You roamed around the campus making your way towards your lockers while yu jimin praise entered your ears. It wasn’t really surprising. Yu Jimin surely was one of a kind. Not only insanely beautiful but extremely talented and astoundingly kind and gentle despite her infamous status as an it girl with a rbf. 

Of course everyone liked her. No doubt everyone dreamt to be somehow related to her. As a friend or something more. She is like some untouchable prize. Desired by all but won by none. Maybe won by one. Your bestfriend Ryujin. 

You remember it quite vivdly how ryujin was literally jumping with happiness when she had told you last year during Christmas how she finally ‘bagged yu jimin’. To be honest, you hated how she worded it. Bagged yu jimin like she isn’t a human but some object. But you stayed quiet. You kept quiet because your bestfriend finally got the girl she was courting for past 8 months. 

Who were you lying to?

You kept quiet because you were heartbroken. You were heartbroken because your bestfriend got the girl you were in love with since high school. The same girl you had loved for five fucking years. Maybe if you had built some courage and confessed to her. Maybe it would have been you and not Ryujin.

Maybe…..

“Hey! You are here. I was searching for you all around the campus.”

Coming out of your thoughts, you looked at Ryujin , being all sweaty and that smirk of hers plastered on her lips as usual. 

“What is it?” You asked nonchalantly.

“I have decided to court jimin again.”

Your eyes, void with any emotions, met hers. You knew it was of no use. Ryujin was just wasting her time on someone who clearly didn’t care about her anymore. 

You remember meeting a crying Ryujin 3 months later after her confession on Christmas. That was probably the first time you had seen Ryujin crying and not with the usual grin she always greets you with. You don’t remember all the details but you do remember Ryujin telling you how Jimin dumped her between her cries. You would be lying if you’d say you weren’t shocked.

Your bestfriend and Jimin were the it couple of the university. Everyone adored them, saying how they were meant to be together one day. How they were just the best for each other. It did break your heart a bit but they weren’t actually wrong. Captain of the volleyball team and Captain of the swimming team together was definitely a treat. 

So it was surely shocking how they broke up just after 3 months of dating. But the most appalling was the reason of their break up. 

YU JIMIN WAS IN LOVE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE!!!

Just like everyone, you were also shocked. Was there really someone better than Ryujin? Only jimin could answer that. She was not someone stupid to leave Ryujin only for a passing crush. It must be serious to her. 

You didn’t exactly knew much about Jimin. Despite being in the same class as her in high school and meeting her few times when Ryujin dragged you along with her on her dates with jimin, you didn’t really had a conversation with her. 

Like Jimin , Ryujin was extremely popular among students. You weren’t any different from them. While Ryujin was popular for her charming and flirty self, you were famous for your godly looks and unapproachable aura. Being the vice-captain of volleyball, your sporty and athletic self was popular as well. Some admired while some despised how self-confident you were. Desired by both men and women, you definitely were a eye-candy. 

But it was also a mystery how your self- confidence betrayed you everytime you were near yu jimin. The power she had over you was another mystery in itself.

You remember tagging along with Ryujin to one of her dates with Jimin. Ryujin had told you Jimin wanted to meet you. You obviously did not believe her. You also recall Jimin’s surprised stance when she saw you beside Ryujin. As if she was not expecting you to show up there.

Your eyes met her surprised ones carrying along emotions you couldn’t decipher. She definitely did not wanted you there. You cursed Ryujin internally.

Despite not wanting you at the date or as you believed, Jimin ,being the kind woman she is, tried to strike a conversation with you multiple times that day , earning only hums and uninterested mumbles from you. 

If she did not hated you before, she certainly despised you now. 

“What do you think?”

“About what?” You replied to Ryujin after taking a bite from your food while sitting beside her in university’s cafeteria. 

“About courting jimin again dummy.” Ryujin replied.

“I don’t know what to say. Jimin broke up with you and clearly doesn’t care about you anymore. I guess you should let her go now Ryujin.”

“You are my bestfriend. Shouldn’t you be taking my side?”

“That’s what I am doing. I don’t want you to get hurt and cry like that again. You ruined my favourite hoodie that day with your tears and snot.”

“Shut- up jackass. Don’t ever mention that day again.” Ryujin grumbled lowly earning a chuckle from you.

“Anyways I have decided. Come-on do you really believe that being in love with somebody else thing. She clearly lied or just got nervous about our relationship. Like name someone better than me who have the charm and looks to steal Jimin’s heart.

“Y/n”

You looked behind at the source of voice calling your name.

You noticed your coach standing at a distance , motioning with her forefinger to meet her at the volleyball court.

“Just a minute coach.” You shouted and immediately stood up while carrying your belongings.

“I don’t agree with what you are planning to do Ryu but please take of yourself and make sure not to hurt you and Jimin in the process.” 

Ryujin nodded at your words frivolously making you sigh.

“Alright see you later.” You bid her bye and made your way towards the court when you noticed Yu Jimin looking as beautiful as ever. You felt your heart skipping a beat when you heard her laugh over something Aeri, her bestfriend said. 

Composing yourself, you took your eyes off her and left the cafeteria , not noticing a certain someone’s gaze on your retreating figure,filled with longing and love.

“When do you plan to confess your feelings to her or are you just going to spend all your life watching her from afar?”

Jimin looked at Aeri flashing a hurtful smile to her. 

“She doesn’t feel the same Aeri.”

_________________________________________

Taglist ( open) -

* I don't know what's wrong with Tumblr but it's not allowing me to tag anyone. I'm sorry to those who had requested to join the taglist. I will try to do it later. As of now , please enjoy the first chapter and do express your thoughts to me 😊

[luffington]

hiii im the anon from way back when now that ur at whole cake i wanted to spin the block on my sabo request from earlier (of course only if you want to no pressure!)

✧.* art credit!

➤ prompt: can i request a sabo x f!reader who’s a strawhat who joins the revolutionary army alongside robin during the timeskip and immediately hits it off and becomes close friends with him while on baltigo and then reunites with him in dressrosa [fwb trope perhaps?? 👀👀]

➤ pairing: sabo x afab!reader

➤ word count: 2.5k

➤ warnings: dom!sabo, semi-public sex, praise kink, thigh riding, facial, friends with benefits, fluff, fem reader

in episode of sabo he officially entered the colosseum competition but it’s never explained in canon so let’s pretend he somehow snuck in before the final battle hehe

i really hope you like this after waiting for so long!! :') i've only seen him in dressrosa so i'm sorry if this isn't accurate to his character in future arcs! (also if you can't tell i Love koala <3)

NSFW under the break! minors dni thank uuu

Soldiers with guns ready to fire surrounded you the moment you landed on Baltigo. In a panic, you insisted that you weren’t an intruder. You didn’t even know where you were intruding. One moment you were on Sabaody Archipelago and then Bartholomew Kuma touched you and suddenly you were soaring through the air in a giant bubble — and that made them pause. Kuma would never send an enemy to their headquarters. The paw-shaped crater left behind was undeniable proof of your story, and your bounty poster confirmed that you were a Straw Hat Pirate instead of a spy. With no plausible way to get back to your crew, you decided to temporarily join the Revolutionary Army. 

About a week later, Sabo returned from a successful assignment and was enthusiastically welcomed back by everyone at the base. He seemed nice enough, but as the chief of staff, he obviously had more pressing issues to attend to than getting to know a new recruit. He would give you a friendly wave whenever he saw you, but nothing more.

Then the news of Ace’s death came and all of his memories flooded back. He was absolutely heartbroken, but you didn’t want to intrude on such a personal moment for a man you hardly knew, so you decided to leave him alone. Instead, you begged to borrow a ship to find your captain, who must’ve also been suffering terribly. 

As soon as Sabo heard you mention Luffy, he remembered that you were a Straw Hat – and you’d been with them long enough to have met Ace in Alabasta. He quickly latched onto you and you were more than happy to tell him stories about his brothers, as well as your brief encounter with Garp. Robin arrived at Baltigo a few days after Luffy’s appearance in the newspaper and gladly joined your conversations, but slyly gave the two of you lots of alone time.

You liked Sabo more and more each time you talked to him. It didn’t take long to notice his similarities to his family – they all had the same reckless confidence, happy-go-lucky attitudes, and admirable dedication to whatever cause they put their mind to. Even Dragon shared these qualities under his stony exterior (and you realized in horror that you now knew that entire insane family). 

But the blonde was flirty. And touchy. The friendly hugs he gave you grew longer and more intimate; his hands lingered on your shoulders and brushed against your thighs. You were delighted to reciprocate – though you had no romantic feelings for him, he was undeniably gorgeous. Sexual tension between you grew until it exploded with the help of several bottles of cheap sake and a shared hotel room. He pinned you down and fucked you dumb until you were covered in cum and screaming his name. Poor Koala in the neighboring room was traumatized, especially by the sound of your bedframe collapsing.

Sabo became your best friend and your best stress reliever, effortlessly transitioning from casual conversations to shoving his dick down your throat. Being in the Revolutionary Army was incredibly dangerous, of course, but Sabo always made sure you were well-protected and cared for. However, you still had no doubts about returning to the Straw Hats after two years had passed. You were sad to leave your friend, but he promised you’d see each other again. 

You didn’t realize it would be so soon.

Only two weeks after you departed for Sabaody, you found yourself wandering the colorful cobblestone streets of Dressrosa in an admittedly terrible disguise. Separated from your crew and searching for the SMILE Factory despite having no leads. Everything about the country, its citizens, and Law’s supposedly flawless plan felt strange. 

But what caught you off-guard the most was a hooded figure passing by and grabbing your arm, leaning close to your ear, and using a very familiar voice to whisper, “Hey.”

A hint of soft blonde hair peeking out from under the fabric nearly gave you a heart attack. “Sabo?!”

He quickly clamped a gloved hand over your mouth, shutting you up immediately. He brought his face close to yours, whispering in a teasing tone, “Are you trying to blow my cover? Naughty girl.” Your cheeks burned bright red.

Sabo glanced around cautiously, but no one in the streets spared a fleeting glance at the two of you. The majority of Dressrosans were further down the block in a large open plaza, watching the Colosseum match broadcast in real time. The opening ceremony had just finished and the first round was beginning. He didn’t give a shit – he only needed to pay attention to Hack in round two. 

“C’mon, let’s talk somewhere else.” The blonde grabbed your hand and led you down a back alley hidden behind a row of shops. Once you were sufficiently shielded by a stack of wooden storage crates, he pulled down the hood of his brown cloak.

“What the hell are y–” Soft lips slammed against your own as he caged you against the wall, pulling you into a heated kiss and biting your bottom lip. Sabo was as unpretentious as ever, not wasting any time to take what he wanted. Fingers trailing up your thigh in a very obvious way before he grabbed the meat of your ass. 

“Figured it was better than a hug,” he laughed. A beautiful sound that you missed hearing every day. He kissed along your cheek then nipped at your earlobe, causing you to flinch. “You know I’m here to stop Doflamingo’s weapons trade. I don’t have a lot of time, but I needed to see you and make sure you’re doing okay.” 

Sabo paused to run his hand down your chest until it reached your clothed core, palming you through your pants. You whimpered and instinctively bucked into his touch.

“And have a quickie. It’s been too long since I felt this pretty cunt. Don’t know when I’ll get a chance again,” he growled against your neck, using two fingers to stroke the outline of your pussy lips and push the rough fabric tighter against you.

“B-but we’re in the middle of the street…” You glanced at the sunny entrance to the alleyway, heart racing at the thought of someone seeing you. 

“I wouldn’t say the middle,” the blonde chuckled, gesturing to the desolate space around you. “Besides, with everything happening today, I don’t think public indecency is anyone’s biggest concern.”

You bit your lip anxiously, but the feeling of his warm body pressed against yours and his lips moving down your neck overrode all rational thoughts. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t fantasize about him pounding into your cunt every night since you left the Army. Plus, his cloak was large enough to completely shield your bodies from any prying eyes. To any passerby, you would look like a couple engaging in a little too much PDA – not a rare sight in the kingdom of love.

“W-why–” Your breath hitched as he shoved his hands under your top to roughly squeeze your breasts. “Why did Dragon decide to do this operation now? The meeting we had was–” You tried your best to stifle a lewd moan, the soft leather of his gloves not hiding the roughness of his fingers tugging at your nipples. “W-was weeks ago…”

“Can we please not talk about Dragon while I’m trying to fuck you?” Sabo pouted cutely, making you giggle. “We’ll have a real conversation later, I promise. I need my little stress relief toy right now.” He shoved one of his knees between yours, tensed thigh pressing insistently on your cunt. “Grind that cute pussy on my leg. Show me how much she missed me.” His eyes darkened when you immediately complied, letting out cute whimpers at the delicious friction. “Fuck, that’s so hot.”

Loud cheering echoed down the street, likely related to the tournament, and you instinctively turned towards the sound. Sabo gripped your chin and forced you to face him again. 

“Hey. Eyes on me.” You nodded obediently, and he whispered “good girl” before shoving his tongue down your throat. You tangled your fingers in his soft blonde locks, running your thumb over his scarred cheek affectionately. He truly was so handsome.

Deciding your pace was too slow, the blonde grabbed your hip and roughly guided your core back and forth on his thigh. His noticeable bulge strained against the fabric of his elegant cadet gray pants – even undercover, he was as well-dressed as always. “Sabo, please…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you exactly what you want.” He unbuckled his belt and let his cock spring free, bouncing against his stomach and standing proudly at full hardness. Your pants were abruptly yanked down to your knees next. Sabo didn’t miss the chance to take off his glove and swipe a finger through your wet folds, making you shiver. “You’re already dripping.”

“You’re one to talk,” you smirked, playfully running your palm up his length and wiping away the precum beading at the top.  

“Such a fucking tease.” He groaned, pretty eyes darkening. “Lift your leg for me.” 

You kicked your pants off completely and did as you were told. Sabo hooked his hand under your knee, tilting your pelvis towards him for the best angle to fuck into you. Paused to adjust his cloak, making sure you were completely concealed, and looked around for any prying eyes. Once he was satisfied with your relative privacy, he lined up his cock with your entrance, tauntingly tapping the head against your puffy clit.

“Wait, Sabo. Condom.”

“Don’t have any.” He shrugged and your eyes widened. “What? They’re not exactly essential on an espionage mission.”

You frowned, but it was too late to find one now. “Just don’t cum inside, okay?”

“‘Course not.” He chuckled lightheartedly, contrasting with the rough way he thrust his dick inside your cunt, fully sheathing it inside in one go. It stretched out your pussy perfectly, hitting every sensitive spot inside you.

“Oh, fuck,” you whined, throwing your head back, realizing too late how loud you were and quickly covering your own mouth. Sabo’s gaze darkened with lust and a smug sense of pride that he made you cry out like a whore. 

“Weren’t you concerned about being caught?” The blonde snickered, grinding his hips against yours in slow circles. He yanked your hand away, pressed a chaste kiss against your lips, then thrust his removed glove in your mouth. Not caring that it would definitely be soaked in spit by the end. 

Sabo braced one hand on the wall next to your head and fucked you hard and fast, bullying your cunt and smacking his balls against your skin with every thrust. Even without any time pressure, this was how you normally had sex – he was always impatient and greedy to take whatever he wanted, and you were more than willing to give him everything. 

The filthy sound of your wet walls squelching around his cock and his debauched groans filled your ears. You clenched onto his overcoat for stability and buried your face in the crook of his neck, but he tangled his fingers in your hair and yanked your head back. “Eyes on me, remember?”

You nodded, unable to do anything but let out muffled moans around his glove. Eyes glazed over and drool dripped down your chin. Your fucked-out expression went straight to his cock and made him rut into you even faster, the tip of his dick kissing your cervix. Feeling himself getting close, he flicked your clit and rubbed tight circles on the bundle of nerves. He leaned forward to kiss a sensitive spot right under your jaw – you never told him that he couldn’t give you hickies.

“You gonna cum?” A rhetorical question. He could definitely feel how soaked you were around him, how you desperately met his thrusts and sucked his dick in even deeper. Your body would’ve collapsed long ago if he wasn’t there to pin you in place and use you like a fuckdoll. The blonde whispered absolute filth with interludes of praise into your ear to help you to the edge even faster. 

Divine pleasure consumed your body as you hit your peak, cunt tightening around Sabo’s cock and nearly causing him to empty his balls inside of you. He carefully restrained himself to honor your request – and he had a better idea, anyways.

Once the aftershocks of your orgasm had subsided and you descended back to reality, Sabo pulled out of you. His dick was angry red and painfully hard. After removing the sticky glove from your mouth, he commanded, “On your knees.”

Your shaky legs gave out and you sank to the ground, knees hitting the solid stone street hard enough to bruise, but you barely noticed. The blonde positioned his cock in front of your face and rapidly jerked off inches away from you. You opened your mouth obediently and he murmured “fuck” underneath his breath. 

He bit his lip hard enough to bleed when he came seconds later. Thick strings of white painted your face and barely landed in your mouth. You looked up at him with cum on your eyelashes, slightly annoyed but incredibly aroused. “Sorry,” he panted with a grin, and clearly not apologetic at all. “You’re just so goddamn sexy like this.”

You swallowed the drops of cum lucky enough to land in your mouth. Sabo wiped the rest off with his cloak — it was his mess to clean, after all – then pinched your cheek lovingly. He helped you fix your clothes and hair to make sure it didn’t look like you just had rough sex in a random alleyway. 

A muffled Transponder Snail rang in his coat pocket. He looked at you for permission, and you grinned and told him he could answer it. 

“I’ve been trying to reach you!” Koala’s annoyed voice shouted through the Snail. You were obviously too preoccupied to hear any of her previous attempts to call him. “Hack lost to some green-haired weirdo. Can you figure out a way to get inside the Colosseum? We need to find that underground port.”

Sabo quickly handed you the Snail. “Hi, Koala,” you giggled.

“Oh, hey! What are you doing here?” She brightened up immediately at the sound of your voice. There was a small pause as she took a moment to process, then the Snail mimicked her furious expression. “Sabo, what the hell? Really?!”

He laughed loudly. “I couldn’t help myself. But I’ll go now.”

“You better.” Koala grumbled, then said goodbye to you in a much nicer tone. 

The blonde turned to you apologetically, but you just smiled and said, “Go win the Flare-Flare Fruit. You deserve it.” Then gave him a good-luck peck on the cheek, which made his face light up into a giant grin. “And find Luffy while you’re at it!”

After the chaos of the day was over, Sabo met you and the Straw Hats at Kyros’s house, where you were finally able to sit down and chat for a while. Before he left, he repeated his promise that he’d see you again no matter what. 

[vanilladove]

⋆₊ ♱ perv!ghost!nikolai

spooktober 2024 masterlist | divider creds adornedwithlight

ཐི ♱₊ཋྀ pairing: ghost!nikolai x fem!reader

ཐི ♱₊ཋྀ genre: smut headcanons; 18+ only!!

ཐི ♱₊ཋ content warnings: shameless smut/nsfw, mentions of size kink, alcohol + drug use, lowk dubcon, slight angst at end, nikolai’s pov（＾ω＾）

ཐི ♱₊ཋ notes: experimenting with something new lmk if u guys like it or not 😔 kicking off spooktober as an apology for delays; babusya = ukrainian grandma

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who haunts an old apartment near a local circus; who still retains his maniacal trouble maker personality as a ghost

he settled on the apartment after an old babusya let him in and allowed him to stay there, offering his favorite piroshki in exchange for protection from other spirits. he messes with her, but doesn’t do anything too harmful—just some silly pranks

who gets bored after babusya passes away and new tenants move in

he’s really done everything he can to scare the shit out of all the tenants, but they keep coming and leaving—some even having the audacity to try exorcising him (it didn’t work)

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who has an insatiable urge to kill until he sees you, a sweet heartbroken girl, come to the apartment your ex was supposed to live with you in

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who decides to have some fun with you—he hasn’t seen anyone close to his age yet, and no one as pretty and cute as you

he starts small—moving things around, making noise + randomly braiding your hair at night, stealing things from your bags, switching lights on and off, etc.

he gets pissed when you take no notice, only drinking and crying over your stupid, ugly ex—seriously, nikolai saw the pictures of them and thought you could do way better

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who can’t look away from you while you undress before showering, admiring your perfect ass and tits and the soft curves of your body

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who switches your medications/supplements with aphrodisiac pills and waits until you take them while drunk, telling himself he just wants to see a reaction from you, but he has ulterior motives

he watches intensely as you suddenly feel hot and slip your fingers in your bra and panties, touching yourself in a lust-consumed frenzy

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who can’t stop himself from watching you whimper helplessly since the sensations aren’t enough—of course he has to help his little dove out by materializing both hands

he uses one to rub circles around your pretty clit and puts the other one in your mouth, training your throat for his big cock

you're too lost in the drug-fueled lust to pay any mind to the fact his hands appeared out of nowhere—you probably think it's just a sex dream

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who loves how you choke on his fingers, tears of pleasure streaming down your heated face as he inserts his long fingers in your wet pussy, watching your eyes roll back in pleasure as he hits the spots inside that you can’t reach without toys

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who savors the taste of your sweet release on his fingertips before replacing the fingers in your mouth with his cock, pushing it in with little warning

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who gets so fucking turned on by the way you adjust to his size and take him so well, using your hands to pump the length you can’t fit in your mouth

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who rewards his good little girl with his cum, shooting it down into your throat as you swallow every last drop and lick him clean, still aroused

deciding to help you out, he materializes fully and lines his tip up with your entrance, panting because he’s so close to being inside you, his latest obsession

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who pushes himself in your warm cunt, inch by inch, admiring your fucked-out glossy eyes and the arousal stuck on your thighs

he smirks when you suddenly get shy and cover your face, flustered by how attractive he is and how much pressure he’s causing in your insides

who whispers sweet nothings as you whimper from the uncomfortable stretch and assures you that you can take it all, licking the pricking tears from your eyes

he moves your hands away from your face and drags them across his abs and long white braid, occasionally peppering your body with kisses, and braiding stray strands of hair to calm you down while you adjust to his size—he can tell how full you are from the big bulge in your stomach

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who starts moving once you give him a cute nod, moving deep and slow at first until you're more used to his size

he litters kisses around your chest, kitten licking your swollen nipples which he knows are sensitive

he loves the way you slightly buck your hips up to meet his thrusts, occasionally pressing against your stomach and groaning when he can feel himself inside of you

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 breathes heavily against your smooth skin, his large hands around your waist to keep your squirming frame in place

who burrows himself into your neck as his strokes get slower, who tells you to say his name as you chase your own orgasm

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who cums when a soft i love you, nikolai rolls off your tongue, as you mess up his once neat white braid

he collapses gently on top of you--he doesn't remember the last time someone's addressed him so adoringly

he listens intently to your heartbeat, reminding him that you’re alive and he’s dead; his cold figure hugging your warm body

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who strokes your hair and rambles about nothing until you fall asleep, telling himself he's just using you for entertainment, despite the tightness in his chest

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐯!𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭!𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 who disappears in the morning but still watches you intently, waiting for another lonely night where he can touch you

[chanranghaeys]

scenario 2 and 8 for scoups please

🍒 "you'll be okay."

prompts from @novelbear: link scenario 2: waking their partner up for work when they notice their alarm didn’t go off scenario 8: calmly reassuring the other it’s okay when they drop a glass, gently checking their hands for any injury.

pairing: idol!seungcheol x gn!reader word count: 951 tags: angst with comfort, cheol helps you calm down, reader is a stressed corporate slave jk warnings: reader on the brink of panic attack, broken glass and checking for injury

a/n: thank u anon and i’m so sorry for making you wait aaaaaa i might’ve taken some creative liberties from the prompts partly inspired bc ive been feeling stressed at work hkjsdhf but i hope you see this and i hope you like it 🫶

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ masterlist . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Your breath tickled his cheek and he smiled. You couldn't see it, but his eyes crinkled the way you loved it. He missed you so much, so, so much.

Seungcheol had been gone a few months for their tour. When he told you his flight home would be a red-eye flight, arriving in the ungodly hours of the morning, he knew better than to expect you to be there to fetch him. He knew how busy you were already after all the work stories you were telling him over videocalls, with him constantly wishing he could be beside you instead to calm you the way he knew would work.

So when he arrived home, it took all his willpower to wake you up—he admired how adorable you looked in your sleep. But he knew you'd be in for a more pleasant surprise when you saw him in the flesh after so long.

“Wake up, baby.” You felt gentle lips land on your forehead, half-waking you from your deep slumber. Stop waking me up, was your immediate thought.

“Ten more minutes, mom.” You bat away the offending lips with a hand, and Seungcheol bit back the giggle threatening to come out.

“I’m home, love. Wake up.” You open your eyes and find his smiling ones, calm and comforting. Your line of sight then drifts to the clock hanging on the wall behind him—7:00 am. Oh, no.

“FUCK I’M LATE.”

Well, there went a supposedly peaceful morning.

You jumped out of your seat and hopped into the shower without even batting an eye toward Cheol, who was stunned to silence after your exclamation.

He just followed you to the shower and stood by the door. “Baby, what are you late for?”

“The board meeting! It’s in an hour!”

Ah, shit. Yep, he told you how important this specific board meeting was. It explains why he found you the way he did, slumped over your desk with an open laptop and sheets of paper strewn across it. You must’ve worked late into the wee hours of the morning while he was flying home.

You rush through your shower, your skincare routine, your breakfast that—thankfully—Cheol prepared in a rush while you were preoccupied. You were flying between your room and the dining room and the bathroom, frazzled and scatterbrained—both of which you could not afford to be this morning.

You shrug on your blazer while attempting to even out your eyebrow makeup, which you soon abandon because the piece of bread you were chewing was attempting to block your airway with how fast you were trying to chew. You rush to the kitchen to grab a drink, but then—

“FUCK!”

The sound of shattering glass resounded across the apartment. You were drenched, water soaking through your business attire and the kitchen floor following suit, the large shards from the broken pitcher were scattered across the floor. You were rendered still in shock, trying but failing to calm down the breaths that grew shallower by the second and the tears that were blurring your vision.

Cheol was just a few steps away, washing the dishes. He was trying to assess the situation before jumping in, but he couldn’t help it when you started saying “Cheol…” in the most heartbroken tone he’d ever heard.

He held out his hands and you held on to them as if they were your lifeline. “Come here, come to me. Be careful of the glass.” He guided you through and out of the mess, leading you to an open area to make sure you were both safe.

“Baby, are you okay? Are you hurt?” He immediately grabs your hands and carefully runs his hands across your body and clothes to make sure no stray glass shards will get you injured. You couldn’t answer him because you were too focused on regulating your breathing. When he was sure you were not hurt, he looked straight into your eyes and held your hands.

“Breathe with me. Can you do that?” You nod. “Ready?” He takes in a deep breath, and you follow suit but fail.

“Cheol, I’ll be late, I can’t be late—”

“I know, but you have to breathe.”

“No, you don’t understand—”

“No. Listen to me.” He looks you sternly in the eye. “You can’t leave the house like this, you’ll get hurt. We need to calm down first, okay? Breathe with me, okay?” Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Repeat.

When your breathing finally slows and goes back to normal, that’s when you finally get a good look at him. He had no makeup on, showing the bags under his eyes that were more prominent than usual. He must have been living in his clothes for how many hours at this point. Above all, it sunk in how much you so badly missed him. You didn’t even greet him properly when he arrived.

“There we go. That’s my baby. Are you okay now?” Instead of answering him, you go in for a hug, one he eagerly returns. For a moment, you forget where you were and what time it was, until reality hit you again.

“Cheol, I’ll be late. I swear, I really can’t be late.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll drive you. Get changed, then you can do your makeup in the car. Tell your colleagues that your car broke down, while you were on the way—they’d have no choice but to believe that.”

“Okay.”

“And, love?”

You look at him. He kisses your forehead, pressing down with a tender firmness with a warmth that spreads throughout you, calming you down in an instant. As long as he was here by your side, you will be okay.

“You’ll be okay. I got you.”

[r4ins]

would you pls do Jason Todd x male reader? 😫Thank you!! 😆

Jason Todd x Top Male Reader

bottom jason todd

cw. lots of smut

Jason never hated Y/N more than when the man was inside him. Sure, Y/N was an asshole at the best of times, and Jason couldn’t wait until the moment he tore him down and his whole stupid empire with him, but when Y/N had him bent over and panting, a side of the older man came out that Jason absolutely despised. Unfortunately, his body had a different reaction to this Y/N.

“That’s it sweetheart, tighten up this hole for me like a good little bitch” Y/N crooned sickly sweet behind him.

“Nngh, fuck off” Jason responded, grinding his burning face into the cool wood of Y/N’s desk. He hated that Y/N could get him this worked up from just a few fingers.

“The big, scary Red Hood” Y/Nchuckled “well look at you now, whore.”

Jason blinked overwhelmed tears out of his eyes, yeah, the asshole had a point. He was sure he cut a pretty pathetic figure, bent at the waist over Y/N’s large mahogany desk, hands pinned behind him by his own zip-ties, jerking up onto his toes at every thrust of Y/N’s gloved hand into his slick hole, and whining softly the whole time. He couldn’t see Y/N, but he could imagine the smugness in his eyes as he sat in his huge office chair behind Jason, sipping a glass of whiskey in one hand whilst the other relentlessly abused his ass.

Jason wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he bratted his way right past Y/N’s warning glare and found himself manhandled onto the ground and bound up. Y/N had moved him to the desk only after choking him out against the floor and growling into his ear about being put in his place and getting what was coming to him. Since then, satisfied by Jason’s submission as his lax body was shoved over the desk, he had been lazily grinding his black leather gloved fingers into the boy’s prostate.

“Give it up, boy, it’s your own time you’re wasting” It was the amused patronising tone that got to him the most, made him want to fight tooth and nail and to bear his neck in surrender at the same time “C’mon Jay, let out that needy little slut we both know you are deep down.”

“Shut -uhn- up, you-” Jason grunted out. He was so tense he could feel the zip ties cutting into his wrists, could feel every pant of hot air into the space between his face and the wood, could feel each miniscule movement of Y/N’s hand.

Y/N hummed in amusement, pulling his hand out and wiping it on Jason’s asscheek like the boy was nothing more than a dirty rag. Jason let out a sob at the treatment, only to choke on air as he felt both of Y/N’s hands grab his cheeks and pull them apart. It was something about the exposure, or the hot stab of the objectification that finally made him break down.

“Daddy, daddy, pl-please” he whined. He could barely recognise his own voice.

“Ah, there we are, sweetheart. There’s my good boy” Y/N pulled away for a second, chucked softly at Jason’s heartbroken sob at the sudden loss of sensation.

Jason was limp as Y/N pulled him up by his bound hands and turned him until he was standing on shaking legs, still caught up in his own pants, and facing the older man.

Y/N shushed him softly, reaching out place his hands on the boy’s trembling hips and staring into his cloudy eyes. Without dropping the eye contact, Y/N lifted one foot and stepped down on the pants bunched around his legs until they slid down his legs to the floor. Bolstered by the hands on his hips, Jason stepped out of the pants and followed the urging of those gloved palms until he was settled in his lap, hands still tied behind him, wet eyes wide and desperate.

“Hey there, pretty boy” Y/N lifted a hand and took Jason’s chin between his fingers, moving his face this way and that to admire the pink flush.

Jason, unable to turn his face away, scrunched his eyes closed as he blushed fiercely, for a moment hating how much Y/N’s words turned him to putty. “Daddy, please, daddy”

“Shh now precious, don’t you worry your cute little head at all, hmm?” Y/N shook Jason’s face like a puppy until the boy opened his eyes to look up at him blearily, “Daddy’s gonna take care of you baby.”

Jason hated him, he hated him so much. He hated him even more for the way that his words made the tears collecting in his lashes fall down over his cheeks towards his trembling lips. The humiliation made his stomach roll, but also made his still hard dick throb painfully.

“Do you want Daddy’s cock, baby-slut?” Y/N asked, still in that sickly sweet voice that Jason hated so much.

No, no. “Y-yes daddy, please daddy. Baby wants it, please.”

“Good boy” Jason couldn’t help the shudder that ran through his body at the praise, “Get Daddy out, baby.”

Jason stared at him in confusion for a second, flexing his hands against their bonds. When Y/N didn’t move, just kept staring at him expectantly, Jason tentatively lifted himself on shaky thighs high enough so that he could reach down below himself to try to get his hands on Y/N’s fly. The movement twisted his body, shoving his chest up towards Y/N’s face wantonly, and Jason despaired as he felt the flush spread down his neck almost to his nipples, standing in needy peaks directly in front of Y/N smug face.

Y/N leaned forward, ghosting breath over one of Jason’s ample pecs, and waited until the boy had the zipper of his pants halfway down before sealing his mouth over one nipple and biting down.

The noise that tore its way out of Jason was halfway between a shout and a sob, and he felt his fingers lose their grip on Y/N pants. Y/N didn’t let up, sucking a deep bruise around the nipple, and Jason forced his clumsy fingers to find their grip again.

Y/N only released his chest when I felt cool air on his cock, freed from his pants and standing to attention between Jason’s taught, trembling thighs.

Even though he couldn’t see Y/N cock, Jason found his mouth flooding with saliva from just the feel of it and the knowledge that he was soon going to be filled. He experienced a brief second of clarity from just the horror that Y/N had so effectively trained his body to respond to him.

The clarity was chased away, however, when Y/N got a hard, bruising grip on his hips and used it to manhandle Jason’s body down onto his dick. Jason threw his head back and wailed as he felt the intrusion carve its way into his body. Despite the torturous amount of prep, Y/N still and always did feel huge when he was buried inside him like this.

“Fuck yes, that’s good” Y/N groaned, holding Jason’s body down on him for an interminable moment, “you were made for this, baby, body just made to take cock.”

Jason wanted to rip the guy’s head off for saying that, but instead he made a soft, keening noise of need and shifted in Y/N’s lap.

“Fine then, you needy whore, take what you want” Y/N growled, letting go of Jason’s hips and slapping harshly at his ass when he didn’t start moving quick enough.

Shocked by the sudden crack, and the pain that only stoked the fire that was his arousal, Jason quickly lifted himself up using just his legs until barely the tip of Y/N’s cock was still buried inside him. After taking a second to feel the rush of anticipation, he slammed himself back down, crying out at the feeling.

He was so caught up in the feeling of riding Y/N, filling that ache inside himself that only ever seemed to be assuaged by Y/N’s cock and filthy words, that he didn’t notice Y/N reaching over until his hand was clamping over Jason’s cock. He wailed at the stimulation, rutting into the tight grip desperately whilst still bouncing on Y/N’s lap as much as he could.

Y/N didn’t exactly jack him off, more held his hand tight and still whilst Jason adjusted his movement to push into Y/N’s hand when he lifted up off his dick. When he took a second from the bright, hot, overwhelming arousal to look down at the other man mid-bounce, he felt a lance of humiliated heat through his body at the cold, unaffected way that Y/N was watching him shamelessly writhe on his lap.

That one second of feeling so needy and pathetic, combined with the harsh grip on his dick and the relentless assault on his prostate, was all he needed to finally fall over the edge. He screamed, head thrown back, as he painted his stomach and Y/N’s lap with cum. He arched, tense with the aftershocks for a second before falling, completely limp, over Y/N.

He felt more than heard the rumbled growl of satisfaction that Y/N let out as Jason came. Before he had an opportunity to recover, he was being hefted up with Y/N’s dick still inside him and deposited sprawling over Y/N’s desk.

“My turn” Y/N lifted Jason’s legs by the calves until the boy was basically bent in half and started jackhammering into his body, still shaking with the aftershocks of the boy’s orgasm.

Jason wept from the overstimulation; high, breathless noises punched out of him with every thrust. IF he had any agency over his own limbs he was be desperately trying to get away from the aggressive assault on his overworked prostate and sore hole. But as it was, he lay there in Y/N’s grip, completely unable to do anything but cry and whine and shake.

“Da-daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy” he didn’t know when he had started talking, didn’t know why he could only say that one thing. His mind was growing cloudier as his face got wetter, and he could hear his own voice become more and more incomprehensible as Y/N continued to ruthlessly fuck his lax body.

“da- duh- da- .. unhh” the whole world narrowed down to just Y/N’s hands and cock and cruel voice.

“What’s that babydoll? I don’t think you’re making any sense.” He felt fingers, still wrapped in those leather gloves, force their way between his lips and deep into his mouth, and all he could do was gurgle and drool around them.

“That’s better, isn’t it?” Y/N asked in a voice like one you would use to talk to a child or a particularly stupid pet, “That whore mouth should always be filled up, huh baby? It’s not like there’s any better use for it.”

Jason felt a trail of saliva drip down the side of his face as his eyes rolled back. At this point his cock had managed to fill back out and throbbed, red and heavy against his already cum-stained abs. Y/N showed no sign of slowing down, the slapping of his hips into Jason’s ass surely turning his cheeks as red as his face.

“Love you like this,” Y/N continued, seemingly unbothered by the way Jason was choking and gurgling around his fingers, “fucked dumb, nothing left in that pretty little head of yours. I should keep you like this all the time, baby. I don’t know what little whores need brains for anyway. Just keep you tied up and stuffed full, filthy with my cum, so you know your fucking place-”

Without warning, Y/N shoved his fingers as deep into Jason’s mouth as he could as he pressed his cock balls deep into his ass and spilled inside him. He stayed there for a second, ignoring the way Jason writhed underneath him, trying to rut his still hard cock up against anything he could reach.

Groaning, Y/N pulled out slowly. He stared at Jason’s wrecked hole, mindless to the way the boy was desperately pleading through the fingers in his mouth. When he saw his own come start to drip out of Jason’s twitching hole he removed his fingers from his mouth to move both hands down to his ass and spread his hole as wide open as he could.

Jason, lost in a haze of pleasure and humiliation and the desperate need to come, could only whine and stare pleadingly at the man above him, feeling stupid and small and pathetic. Y/N looked up for a second, meeting Jason’s teary gaze with cruel eyes before he smirked and purposefully, and slowly enough that Jason could tell what was coming, leaned down and spat directly into Jason’s already ruined hole.

Jason’s second orgasm racked through his body almost painfully. This time he couldn’t even scream, only writhe on the desk in terrible ecstasy.

When he came back to, Y/N was sitting back in his chair, lighting a thick cigar and taking a drag as he looked with satisfaction at the mess he had made of the vigilante. Jason barely needed the pull on his leg to slide boneless to the ground and lean his upper body against Y/N’s leg. He was so exhausted he only blinked sluggishly as Y/N pushed the cigar against his lips and forced him to take a slow drag, all while carding his fingers through his sweat-soaked hair, twirling the white streak around his fingers.

He kept his hand in his hair as he turned his attention to some papers on the desk and began to read through them, largely ignoring the filthy and half naked boy at his feet.

As Jason started to drift off, now on Y/N’s lap, he took a moment to wonder if it was really Y/N he hated or just himself for letting Y/N keep doing this to him. The thought was gone almost as soon as it arrived, lost to a haze of exhausted satisfaction.

[totheblood]

true blue. (one)

pairing: modern!ellie williams x reader

summary: ellie has a new philosophy: don't fall in love and you won't get your heart broken. ellie also has a really cute new friend. ellie admires some birds in this chapter idk if thats significant

warnings: 18+ (as a general rule for this series and my blog as a whole) suggestive themes, eventual smut, drug/alcohol usage, cursing, descriptions of abusive behavior (neither ellie or reader engages in these behaviors)

a/n: i am hoping to make this a series if enough people like it and want me too... i really appreciate support and feedback through asks and replies/reblogs, it all means so much to me. also i have this whole thing planned out and i plan for it to be very messy hehe... i love drama idk

This year was going to be different.

At least that’s what Ellie told herself as she gripped the straps of her worn out backpack. All of the classes her and Cat had planned to take together this semester she had quickly transferred out of by the end of the summer, causing her to rack up an impressive list of classes on her schedule nobody wanted to take. 

“Fuck,” Ellie cursed under her breath as she rushed towards the building her literature seminar was in. “I’m going to be so late.” She was practically cursing herself for waking up so late that morning, her bed seeming much more welcoming than the professor who had 1 star on ‘rate my professors.’ She knew she had fucked up, but at this moment she didn’t really care.

As she made her way down the chestnut lined hallway, she frantically checked the door numbers on each door, cursing each time the door number didn’t align with the one she was supposed to be in. When she did find her classroom at the end of the hallway, she had to steady herself with a few deep breaths before entering. Throughout all of this, however, one thought rang clear through her mind: Fuck Cat.

Ellie never really liked to refer to herself as heartbroken, but that was the nicest way she could put the state that Cat had left her in. Ellie always knew she liked girls and while she had many crushes, and a few kisses, Cat was her first real girlfriend. She was the first person to hold Ellie’s hand in public, post lame birthday posts on Instagram, and the first person to give her an orgasm. But if she was being really honest with herself, her first orgasm belonged to her own hand.

Cat had served as a turning point in Ellie’s life and up until this point she was almost certain  that she had been in love with her. Almost. There was always this sinking feeling that whatever feelings she had for the girl was most likely orchestrated by pure hormones. She couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that made her feel that way, but there always seemed to be something missing from their relationship. 

Little to Ellie’s knowledge, however, was that was just who Cat was. She made you feel like you were on top of the world, the only person in the universe who could cure her ills, and the only person who got her. She made you feel special, and at the time, that was exactly what Ellie was craving. She needed a person who looked at her like she aligned the stars, and that person was Cat.

Until it wasn’t. Quickly towards the end of the summer Cat got bored and all of the love notes Ellie had written her were quickly discarded within an hour of reading them. She continued to pull away until there was no trace of her left in Ellie’s life. To make matters worse, she broke up with Ellie over text, leaving her dazed and confused. There was nothing left for her to do except to run to Dina’s house and cry in her lap. She hated how pathetic she looked as Dina stroked her hair and shooed Jeese off with the flick of her hand. It was safe to say Ellie was completely over relationships.

Fuck Cat, she thought again, but decided that it being a thought wasn’t enough.

E: Fuck Cat.

D: yea fuck that bitch

Deciding that the text had done enough to calm her nerves, she pushed through the threshold into the classroom. She must’ve not realized how intimate of a class this was when she signed up for it because as she entered all ten of the people in the room now locked eyes with her, and the old man sitting at the front of the table threw her a disappointed look.

“Ellie Williams, I presume?” he questioned, looking at his roster in front of him.

“You do presume.” She awkwardly answered, only receiving a chuckle from a girl sitting at the far end of the table. Ellie looked up to see who it was that laughed at her poorly timed joke but just saw you trying to hide the smile on your face by pretending to write notes.

“You can sit at any open seat, I was just discussing the syllabus.” He told her, his tone sharp. 

“Okay, thanks.” Ellie mumbled under her breath, moving to sit at the open seat next to you considering you seemed like you might be the friendliest person in this room. She quickly moved to get her notebook out but internally cursed herself out for the fifth time that day because she completely forgot her pencil case in her dorm. She decided to save herself the embarrassment of asking if anyone had a pen, so she just continued to ruffle through her bag even though she knew it wasn’t there.

“You looking for something?” you leaned over to whisper to her, still causing her to jump back slightly.

“Yea, a pen?” She whispered back, laughing under her breath to pretend like she wasn’t completely embarrassed right now.

“Here.” A black pen balanced in between your fingers as you offered it to her. She sheepishly thanked you before taking it, making sure your fingers didn’t touch. 

“There will be one main assignment in this class as you can see on the syllabus.” Ellie, obviously not in her element, looked around at all the packets each person was holding. As if you could sense the nerves on her, you shoved your packet in between the both of you, pointing to the assignment the professor was discussing. 

“It is a partner based project and since there are only ten of you I hope this won’t be an issue.” He continued on. “And as you can see it is worth 60% of your grade.” Fuck this, Ellie thought to herself yet again, and fuck Cat too, she added for good measure.

The rest of the 90 minute class went as well as you could imagine, Ellie only having to stop herself from falling asleep three times. When the class was over and she began to collect her things Ellie looked over to where you were stuffing your laptop into your backpack. 

“Hey,” she managed to get out, her fingers fidgeting with her rings. “Would you want to be partners for the project?” 

You let out a breath of relief smiling both to her and yourself. “I would love that actually.” 

“Ok, good.” Ellie chuckled to herself about how nervous she was over something so small “I thought you might’ve thought I was like super unprepared or something since I was late and the pen.” Her eyes widened the pen. “Oh shit, your pen.” Ellie moved to take her backpack off and give back your pen but you abruptly stopped her by placing your hand on her forearm. Your hand right over the very spot Cat had tattooed. 

“Keep it,” you offered her a genuine smile before handing your phone over to her “and put your number in here.” 

Ellie may not have noticed it but she blushed. A part of her knew you were just being kind and you needed her number to work on the project but if this was any other setting this would be considered flirting. Ellie nervously took your phone in her hand and inserted her number and name with a little planet emoji next to it. When she handed the phone back to you she scanned your face for a reaction, smiling to herself when she saw your very own smile. 

“Ellie,” you looked back up at her “nice name.” All Ellie could do was let the tips of her ears turn red as she thanked you. When you offered her your own name and she repeated it back to you, she liked the way it felt on her tongue. She wondered what you wou- No, she wasn’t doing this again.

“I’ll text you tonight about getting started.” You informed her, now slinging your own bag over your shoulder.

“Looking forward to it.” She stated simply, her own feet planted to the floor.

“I presume you are.” You replied with a giggle before turning around and leaving Ellie feeling fuzzy.

Fuck.

The rest of Ellie’s day was uneventful to say the least. She saw a few birds eating a sandwich and thought it was cute, but besides that (and you), her day was boring. She was hoping that this year would be different, that she would be miles ahead of where she was when she met Cat, but she knew she was just worse. She wanted anything, a rebound, a distraction to pull her mind off Cat but all she could do was stare at her ceiling and try not to cry. Or that’s what she was doing until her phone buzzed from it’s place on her stomach.

Y: hey, it’s me

E: Who's me?

Y: pen dealer, duh

E: I thought dealers were supposed to be more discreet.

Y: you know a lot about dealers?

E: I’ve seen a few movies.

Y: nothing is like the movies, be fr

Y: anyways, do you want to meet up to discuss the project tomorrow? we could meet at beans?

E: Yeah, sure. 10?

Y: sounds good, bring cash

E: For? I use apple pay.

Y: for the pens… it was a joke nvm

E: Dumb joke.

The next morning Ellie had to drag herself out of bed so she wouldn’t be late to meet you. She groaned as she watched her roommate sleeping peacefully in her bed while she so desperately wished it could be her. For some reason that she couldn’t place, Ellie found herself smoothing down her hair and checking her teeth in the mirror. She even sprayed some perfume before she left, coughing as she accidentally inhaled some of the liquid. Why was she doing this again?

She saw you through the window of the coffee shop, leaned over your computer screen lost in thought. You tucked your pen between your lips and Ellie couldn’t help but feel like a freak staring at you from the other side. You looked so at peace with your hair tied up and your eyes carefully scanning the screen. Ellie wondered what it would feel like to not have a million things going through your mind at once. 

When she approached you she made a mental note of how your eyes lit up when you saw her. You had known her for a second and you had already looked at her with more adoration that Cat did towards the end of their relationship. 

“Hey, customer.” You joked, as you watched Ellie sit down across from you. 

“You don’t know how to let a joke die, do you?” She questioned jokingly, a warm feeling in both her face and her chest.

“I do not.” You said matter of factly.

The two of you discussed the project, throwing in occasional conversation and jokes when the material got too daunting. After about an hour had passed and the two of you were already feeling burnt out, Ellie suggested you take a walk around campus to “get some fresh air” and “clear your heads.” In reality, she was already growing tired of this project and just wanted to hear your voice ramble on about something other than American Literature.

It was a cool day, and the slight breeze caused both you and Ellie to squint the entire time. There was something so calm about the energy between the two of you. It wasn’t passionate or overwhelming like it was with Cat, but comforting. It was lulling Ellie into a sense of security, but she knew it couldn’t last long. 

“Where are you from?” Ellie spoke up. “Did you grow up around here?”

“Close-ish, I guess.” You answered. “I’m from a town north called Star Valley.” 

“Oh shit, you’re right by Jackson.” Ellie exclaimed. 

“Yea, you’re from Jackson?” The idea that you too lived this close and this was your first time meeting almost seemed criminal to Ellie.

“Yeah, me and my friends grew up there. I’m originally from Boston, though, I moved there with my..” You gave her time to speak, it being painfully obvious she was going to have trouble explaining the situation. “Like my dad? He’s not really my dad, he’s just Joel.” She decided to dumb down her complicated relationship with him for the sake of time. You, however, did not try to get any information out of her, or immediately try to get her to be vulnerable with her like Cat did at the beginning of the relationship. You just smiled at her and continued on with the conversation. 

Ellie liked this. She liked being able to have a conversation with a pretty girl that didn’t make her feel like she was tearing herself open just to bond with you. You two were just bonding in the simplest way people could. The sick and sinister part of her, however, was telling her to leave immediately. To avoid the trouble that another heartbreak would bring her. 

That part of her was starting to win over slowly as she remembered the promise she made to herself. She quickly excused herself and told you she would text you about meeting up again to work on the project. Her brain was telling her run, run, run, but she could tell you were still standing there staring as she walked away towards the direction of her building. 

Later that night, after a cool shower and a few hits of her pen, Ellie found herself ranting to Dina over text again.

E: I’m so fucked.

D: what???

E: I’m working with this really hot girl on a project for one of my classes and today we were walking together and it all seemed normal, like toooo normal, so I left. Like I no joke was like “Bye” mid conversation and LEFT HER THERE. What is wrong with me?

D: what happened to ‘i’m never talking to another girl again’?

E: I’m not.

D: …

E: I’M NOT.

E: IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER SHE PROBABLY THINKS I’M A FREAK FOR RUNNING AWAY TODAY

D: true

E: ?????

D: idk why you would do that so i’m not going to lie to you

D: i would think you are a freak

E: Ok, fuck you.

D: what does she look like?

E: Hot. 

D: oh yes thank you for painting such a vivid picture

D: SEND A PICTURE YOU FREAK

E: You are so mean to me.

Ellie felt the need for validation so she did what any normal person would in that situation: she went to instagram and typed in your full name. To her surprise, there you were, smiling as bright as the sun in your profile picture. Ellie suddenly felt like a kid again scanning through your photos, blushing and smiling to herself as she looked at you, losing focus of her original motive. She didn’t realize how far she had scrolled down until she was stopped by the sight of a familiar face. In a post dated over a year ago it was you kissing another girl. 

And that girl was Cat.

[vase-of-lilies]

It's Been a Long Time

❀ WandaNat x Reader (f)

❀ Warnings: SMUT, desperate sex, separation, cannon typical violence, oral (r receiving and w receiving), shmexy toys, use of a strap-on, poly!relationship, pet names (baby, honey, sweetheart), tattooed reader (just a small one on her chest), nats and Wanda's mommy milkers, overstimulation, body worship, lots of orgasms, this is just super smutty and I hope you like it lol, sadness, tears, angst, captivity (not of reader), mommy kink (not MDLG), use of a butt plug and lube, female masturbation, voyeurism(?), threesome, lots of aftercare, kisses, fluff, and goodness!

❀ Request: SMUT! smexy, depraved smut with lots of overstimulation, body worship, oral, orgasms, and toys, just allll the slutty and smutty goodness 🤤 

❀ A/N: I really hope you like this one! I set it after Captain America: Civil War when Nat exposes everything about the accords and herself, and Wanda goes to the prison on the ocean thingy. So they both go home to their girlfriend who just misses them like crazy:( 

When you heard the news of the Avengers getting caught, your heart broke. The two women you loved were a part of the team, and their getting caught was the first thing on your list you were worried about, besides them getting killed, of course. Natasha and Wanda had fallen for you when you approached them while they were having coffee one morning. You had noticed that Wanda had dropped her wallet, so you quickly went to return it to her. 

Unbeknownst to you, that day would change the trajectory of your entire life. The two women would smother you with their eternal love for you, take care of you when you were sad, love you when you had a hard time loving yourself, and leave you alone when you wished. They understood you, knew you, and just loved you. They showed their love in different ways;

Wanda showed it through words. Telling you how beautiful you are, saying she loves you, holding your hand in public, kissing your head when you woke up every morning. Natasha, she was a little different. Being more conservative and hidden, she showed her love in smaller ways. Protective looks at someone who is looking at you, gifting you flowers she picks from the compound garden, and tickling your back during movie nights. 

Unfortunately, both women knew what they signed up for when they decided to join the Avengers. They put the people of their city before themselves. It was heroic, and you loved that about them. They were admirable and inspiring. Even when Wanda made a mistake with her powers, you still loved her. Even when Natasha turned her back on you and Wanda, you still loved her the same as well. 

As you were watching TV, an emergency broadcast sounded, and you watched in horror as the Avengers were seen being escorted onto a large plane, going only god knows where. Clutching the shirt-sewn pillow, you hold it close to your heart, silent tears falling down your cheeks. Wanda looked heartbroken at what was unraveling, and Natasha looked defeated as she was escorted into a police car. 

You glared red-fiery bullets at Tony Stark, who stands with Vision, Spider-Man, and other people you thought were your friends. They were watching their team get captured, rendering the city in danger as the most powerful of people were locked away. Reaching for your phone, the first person you call is Wanda. No answer. Next, you call Natasha. No answer. In a fit of desperation, you call Tony. 

"What the fuck did you do?? Why are you doing this??" You scream into the phone as you hear Tony's smug voice on the other side. He sighs and lets you scream at him. 

"Y/n, listen to me. They are a danger to-" You didn't let him finish.

"They are your fucking team, Stark. You are more dangerous than all of them combined! They have friendships that can never be undone, promises that can't be broken, lovers-" your voice cracks and you whimper. "Fuck you, Stark. Fuck you, and fuck your so-called morals." Before he got a chance to respond, you hung up the phone. 

The channel changes on its own, and you see Natasha's picture on the screen. A headline below her says, "Natalia Alianovna Romanova, the assailant behind the escape of Captain America." You shook your head, knowing they wouldn't arrest her if it was on her watch. She would be on the run, and with everyone knowing who she is, she won't be coming home to you. 

Wanda, you didn't know where she went or what happened to her. You prayed and begged someone, anyone, to bring them back to you. But nothing, no matter how hard you tried, they were nowhere to be found. 

It would be weeks before you showered again. You were staying up late every single night worrying, researching, and calling people, trying to find where your lovers were. You tried looking for the sightings of Natasha, but no luck. You tried finding out where Wanda was by tracking the plane number you saw on the TV. But no luck either; it was military-protected. But one day, an unknown number called you. Immediately you picked up, not caring who it was. 

"Y/n? This is Rogers. I can't talk long, but Wanda and Natasha are coming home. I have them located, and they are both safe. Give them time, but soon." 

You sighed in relief and responded, "Where are they? Please, I need to know; I need to know where they are!" 

Steve was quiet for a second, "I'm sorry, I can't disclose that information right now. Give them a week, and they'll be home, ok?" He waited for a response, but you hung up and threw your phone to the other side of the room. 

You were angry and worried about your girlfriends. Steve was a little help with the burner phone call, but it still made you infuriated that he didn't tell you where they were. You knew that he couldn't be tracked fully with a burner phone, but you didn't know what technology Stark would use to capture him again. 

Just like Steve said, it would be another week before you would see them. So you cleaned yourself up a little bit. You showered, tidied your room and the rest of the apartment, and decided to cook an actual meal—a simple [enter your favorite easy meal here] dinner for you and your lovers. 

That is, whenever they came back to you. 

~~~~~~~

You had got through the week Steve said they would be here, but they still did not show. Maybe they forgot about you? Maybe they didn't love you anymore. Those were the thoughts coming through your head 24/7. After the phone call with Steve, you felt something. You felt a spark of hope and were confident they were going to come home, yet they didn't.

But the day came when they finally did—the day started as every other one, in bed, unmotivated to do anything. You had gotten in the habit of staring at the picture of you, Natasha, and Wanda in central park. You were squished in between the two of them, their lips connecting to both of your cheeks as you smiled in the middle of them. It was your favorite picture of you three, as it brought back memories from the "good ole' days."

You had found that showering washed the pain away for a temporary time. The water flowed down your skin with ease and, in turn, felt like you were a new woman. Today was no different. You got in the shower, and like every other day, you continued to pray and beg anything for your lovers to come home. With every bubble that fell through the drain, you counted your wishes. It felt useless trying to hope for them to come home anymore. But you knew you had to keep trying. 

After you got dressed, you went to the kitchen for some breakfast. [Enter your favorite breakfast food here] sounded amazing, and once you made it, it hit the spot. You were in your thoughts for a long time before you noticed a small knock at the door. You figured it was a package you ordered, so you answered it. 

To your utter surprise, Wanda and Natasha stood right in front of you. In the flesh, alive and breathing. Wanda was in a musty blue jumpsuit, and Natasha looked like she was in hiding, her red hair growing long over her shoulders. You stared in disbelief at the two women in front of you. Not sure if they were real or not. 

"I-is it you?" You whisper, tears prickling in your eyes. Wanda smiled, lifting her hand to cradle your cheek. 

"It is, sweetheart. We're home." Wanda responded, a sad smile painted on her lips. 

You let out a sob and wrapped your arms around the two of them. You hid your face in Natashas' chest as you pulled Wanda closer to you. "Wh-why did you leave? Why didn't y-you come home?" You whimpered, your voice muffled by the soft material of Nats' maroon shirt. 

The two women looked at each other, and Natasha took the lead. 

"We were caught in the wrong place at the wrong time милая (honey), and we had to go away for a little bit." She said, giving your head a soft kiss as she ran her fingers through your wet hair. You sigh in relief as you feel Wanda give you a reassuring squeeze, and you look up at her as well. 

"Are you both ok? Are you hurt? Did they hurt you?" You ask quickly, pulling away and scanning the two of them, running your eyes over their body and looking at their faces to see if they wince in pain anywhere. You feel lighter as you see them shake their heads, and you grab their hands and pull them inside. Inside their home, where they belong with you. 

"I saw it all happen, o-on the news… I wish I could have been there t-to help you somehow. I just f-feel like I sh-should hav-have done something." You cry, sitting down on the kitchen chair you pull from the table. 

"Baby, please don't feel that way. You didn't have to do a thing. We made a sacrifice so that you would be safe. So don't you dare take the blame for any of this, do you understand?" Wanda says, kneeling in front of you and taking your hands. Her thumb rubs tender circles on the backs of your hands. 

You nod in understanding and look down at your hands in sadness. "I just missed you both so much. I thought you were never coming home." 

Your small voice breaks their hearts, and Wanda cups your cheeks, pulling you in for a passionate kiss. Gratefully and happily, you return the kiss, wrapping your arms around her neck to bring her closer to you. Natasha kneels next to Wanda, and after pulling away from Wanda, you lean over to the redhead, kissing her lips with just as much passion. "My god, I missed you both so much. I was going insane without you two here."

They both smile from below you, and each takes your hand in theirs. "We've missed our baby, and I think we all need a bit of relief from our time away…." Natasha smirks at you and Wanda, and in sync, you both nod. Understanding what she is saying in an instant. 

They pulled you to the bedroom, their eyes never leaving yours. They tenderly laid you down on the bed, placing your head gently on a pillow. Both pairs of hands explore your body as if it is a newfound land that no one has laid eyes on before. Your shirt comes off, and you are left bare for them. They both pause as they look at you from above. 

Wanda speaks first, "Did you get this while we were gone, baby?" Her soft fingers trace the fine line of a tattoo in the valley of your breasts. The lines connect to make three naked women intertwined together, all holding each other tightly. A heart at the crown of each woman's head and you right in the middle. 

"It's beautiful, honey. Gorgeous." Natasha says, leaning down to kiss along the ink lining your skin. "I've missed this body, your scent, just everything about you милая (honey)." She talks, her lips kissing down your belly to the waistband of your silk shorts. 

Wanda sits at your side, smiling as she kisses your lips, holding onto your hand as she moves down your neck to your chest as well. She takes one of your perked nipples into her mouth, smiling as a moan escapes your throat. You haven't been intimate in so long, and it felt so good to feel this close to your lover again. "O-oh.." You let out a small gasp as Natasha gently pull your shorts down your legs, a hum coming from above you as Nat looks hungrily at your soaking wet pussy. 

"So wet, baby. Is this all for us?" Nat asks, softly raking her fingers over your inner thighs, coaxing your legs open even more. You nod in response, your cheeks heating up at how exposed you are. "I need a taste…." She whispers, and Wanda nods at her. 

Natasha lays on her belly, spreading your petals wide open. Slick strings from her fingers as she prods at your hole, and you moan softly. She licks a long stripe from the bottom of your cunt and circles around your clit, making you squeeze Wanda's hand tighter. 

Her mouth feels so fucking good on your pussy, and you arch your back, pushing your breast further into Wandas' mouth. She rubs your other hardened nipple in her fingers; like a bud of clay, she's rolling into a perfect ball, and pleasure courses through your body. Your wiggling body makes it hard for Natasha to focus, and Wanda takes note of this, so she moves to straddle your lap, keeping your lower body still. 

Your eyes close as both women dominate you, Wanda pleasuring your breasts as Natasha eats you out like she's never before. You grasp the sheets in your hands, your orgasm coming closer and closer until it hits you. As you cum with a shout, Natasha enters two fingers inside of your clenching cunt, smirking as you squeeze her fingers extra tight from not cumming in so long. "So delicious, милая (honey), so fucking good." She whispers from in between your legs, your juices covering her lips. 

"Have a taste, my love," Nat says, sitting up and removing her fingers from your pussy, moving them up to Wandas' lips. She closes her mouth around Nats' fingers and moans softly. 

"Mmmm, baby, you taste like strawberries and cream…" Wanda says, smiling down at your fucked out face. A thin sheet of sweat covers your forehead, and you return a smile. 

"J-just for you, Mommy…" you whisper, your breath coming in small pants. Nat chuckles lightly and crawls to your side. "And you too, m-mommy…." you add, making sure Nat feels just as much love. 

"Oh, baby, did you think we were done? No, no, no, we have so much to catch up on." Wanda smiles and kisses your lips in a sloppy, desperate kiss. While she is devouring your lips, Natasha makes her way to the closet. She reaches for the box marked "toys" and smiles at your messy handwriting. As she opens the box, she takes out your favorite [enter favorite color and desired size] strap, a powerful vibrating wand, and her favorite toy to torture you with; the ruby-like jeweled butt plug that fits your ass like a glove. 

She turns around with the supplies in her hands, and to no one's surprise, you had managed to get Wanda down to her bra and panties. Her jumpsuit was discarded on the floor by the bed. With her lips glued to yours, Wanda takes your hands and pins them above your head, wanting all of you under her control. You smile as your noses nudge against each other as she pulls away for a second. You look up at her, and your eyes flick from hers to her lips. "You always take my breath away." Nat smiles at your moment with her and sets the supplies at the end of the bed. 

"Alright, it's time for the real fun," Nat says, smiling as she removes her shirt and jeans. You sit up with Wanda sitting next to you, but you are quickly stopped in your tracks as Nat gives you a look that immediately pushes you into submission. As you lay back down, Wanda runs her fingers through your hair, and Nat climbs between your legs once again. 

You watch in anticipation as Nat buckles the harness to her hips, the false cock bobbing in front of her. She rubs her hand over your pussy lips again and gently enters your hole with her finger. Stretching you out to make sure that her cock fits perfectly inside of you. As Wanda sits above you, she continues to brush through your hair with her fingers, something she does as a gesture of love while Natasha takes charge of both of you. 

Nat smiles and seductively holds up the bejeweled butt plug, and you whimper softly, knowing how much you love it yet loathes it at the same time. Natasha would completely understand if you said no to something and would respect it. But this time, you would allow her to do anything to you. 

She gently holds your legs open and puts your ass on her lap, your legs up by her shoulders. She opens the small bottle of lube and puts a small amount on the metal plug as well as your puckering hole. You jump at the slight coolness of the liquid but relax as her warm fingers rub it in, pushing her finger into your ass with ease. You groan softly, turning your head and hiding your face in Wandas' leg. 

She smiles at your shyness and tickles your arm to soothe you as Nat works your ass open for her.  

"Come on, baby, loosen up for me; you used to take me like a champ," Nat says, pushing her fingers in a little deeper. You moan in response, feeling like you haven't been stretched out like this in ages. Well, you haven't, but it still felt like the first time all over again. "I know you can do it, honey, come on, let me in…" she whispers, gently moving her other hand to the top of your cunt, rubbing small circles on your sensitive button to help you relax. 

With a whimper coming from your lips, you relax your lower body in hopes of assisting Nat. With luck, she pushes her fingers to her knuckles and smirks. "Good girl, that's our good girl," She coos and smiles as she pushes her fingers in and out of your tight back hole. "She's so good, isn't she, Wands?"

Wanda hums in agreement, her fingers teasing your nipples once again. "So so good, the best girl." She smiles down at you, chuckling softly as your face contorts into a face of pleasure. You bite your lip and whine at the sudden empty feeling of Nats' fingers leaving you. But you are quickly full again when Nat pushes the plug into your ass, the jewel nestling right between your ass cheeks. 

Nat smiles at her work and rubs your skin softly. "It fits perfectly… red suits you милая (honey). My god, you are so beautiful." She looks over you adoringly and leans down to press a kiss to your bent knee. As she kisses closer to your cunt, Wanda slowly straddles your chest and looks down at you with a smirk. "Do you wanna taste baby?" You nod eagerly, and you link your arms around her legs to pull her closer to your mouth. 

Her pussy drips right over your mouth, and you can hardly contain your excitement. You pull her down to your and suck hard on her clit, making her moan and grip the bed frame in front of her. She arches her back, grinding down on your mouth with pleasure filling her veins. Lust fills her system, and she reaches back to pull on your nipples again, smiling at the vibration of your moans against her clit. 

Natasha leans back as she watches you devour Wanda and smiles as she plays with herself in return. She rubs her clit with her fingers, but it just isn't enough, so she reaches for the vibrator that sits next to her. She turns it on and sighs in relief as she presses the bulb to her aching clit. Throwing her head back in pleasure, she watches the two of you through hooded eyelids, smirking as she matches the movements of Wandas' hips, circling the vibrator one way and then the other. 

Once you sense Wandas' orgasm starts to form, you smile as her moans fill your ears like music, and you gently push your fingers in to help her with that final push of pleasure. She gasps, as does Natasha at the end of the bed, both women coming to their high at the same time. The two of them moan loudly as they both cum, and Wandas' hips come to a stop as she takes in a deep breath. "Oh, baby, you were hungry, weren't ya?" She chuckles and scoots down, leaning over your chest to kiss your lips, tasting herself on her tongue at the same time. 

"Mmm, you taste so good, Wands." You whisper against her lips, and you smile as you take in her soft kisses in return. As Natasha finishes, she hands the vibe to Wanda, who turns around on your belly, so now she is facing Natasha, who has spread your legs wide so they both have unlimited access to your most intimate parts.

Wanda spreads your pussy lips apart and licks small circles on your clit while Natasha pushes the tip of her cock into your hole. Already being stretched out, Nat knows you can take all of her. She places her hands on your thighs and pushes further inside your wet hole, slowly filling you up to the brim. You moan loudly, and you squeeze Wandas' hips as she straddles you. 

You hear the click of the vibrator switch, and you jump as you feel the vibrating against your puffy clit. A loud moan escapes your lips, your legs shaking in response as Wanda circles the vibe in all the right ways. Natasha moves her hips in a smooth rhythm, pulling endless pleasure from your cunt with each thrust. With Wandas' skilled hands with the vibrator and Natashas' cock stretching you out perfectly, you are in a state of euphoria for the first time in a long, long time. 

Your first orgasm hits you like a semi-truck, and you see white. Your pussy walls clench around Natasha's cock like a vice, and your clit pulses against the vibrating head held in Wandas' soft hands. And they are far from done, you know that; Wanda knows that, as does Natasha. They continue to push you to your limits, torturing your cunt in the most loving way possible. 

Your second orgasm hits just minutes later, and your juices squirt from your pussy and onto the sheets just under you. You let out a loud moan and squirm underneath Wanda. "One more, baby, one more just for us." She encourages and turns the vibrator up to its highest setting. You whimper in response, your red puffy cunt getting its last bit of pleasure. Natasha thrusts in and out of your pussy faster, and you are pushed to your third and final orgasm. 

As you are cumming beneath your two lovers, they share their love with a long and loving kiss. Their tongues fight for dominance in the other's mouth. Finally, with gentle care, they move their focus to you. Wanda removes the vibe from your quivering clit, and Natasha slowly removes her cock from your soaking wet hole and gently pulls the plug from your ass. She teases you by pulling it out just a little bit, then pushing it back into its spot again. But finally, she pulls it out and leaves your ass a gaping hole. 

Once Wanda moves from your belly, she begins cleaning everything up, the toys, the pillows, blankets, and other things while Nat helps you. 

Nat smiles and sighs as she massages the skin of your ass and guides you to calm down. She puts her hand gently on your heaving chest, and you follow her breaths as she silently tells you to copy her. You breathe with her, your senses calming down at the moment until you are fully at peace. 

As you lay fucked out, Wanda lifts you into her strong arms, carrying you to the bathroom to clean you up. While Wanda sits you on a towel on the counter, you lay on her chest as Nat fills the tub up with warm, soapy water. Wanda chuckles at your tired look, your slouching body, and your droopy eyes. "We missed you so much, baby. I couldn't stand another day in that stupid prison without you." She says in a soft voice as she wipes your face with a warm washcloth.

You lean into her gentle touches and hum lightly in response, too tired to form complete sentences. Nat chuckles and lifts you into the tub with her, Wanda getting in on the other end and the two women caging you between their entangled legs. "It is so good to be home… to be home with our girl," She says as she holds out her hand for Wanda. 

Wanda solemnly agrees and squeezes Nats' hand, and as your head rests against her breasts, she kisses your forehead. "We won't ever leave you again, honey. Never, ever again. We promise." Wanda nods and softly rubs her hand over your leg, soothing you as you hide your face in Nats' chest. 

You knew that was a promise your two lovers would keep. It was a promise that would never be broken, despite the challenges that were faced in their everyday lives. They loved you far too much to see you heartbroken, and they swore never to leave you broken again.

Ever. 

[vaguely-concerned]

listen I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore but on this playthrough of DA2 I found myself once more entranced and heartbroken to see hawke reenact their relationship with their mother with the entire cursed city of kirkwall. you can never do enough for leandra, and you can never do enough for kirkwall. leandra is proud of you, and kirkwall uplifts its champion, but no matter how hard you try for them you can't fix everything there that's broken, no one could, and even the fact that anyone would feel the burning responsibility to take that task on is a huge warning sign on its own. leandra will easily allow you to sacrifice yourself on the altar of the family's continued well-being again and again, even when she'll beg you to spare the twins from the same thing. it's such a sad, painfully realistic thing because I truly don't think leandra meant to fuck up her kids, and yet she primed her oldest for an abusive toxic codependent relationship with an entire ongoing dumpster fire of a city state better than she ever could have if she had meant to.

I think what leandra actually, deep down wants from you is something you can never ever give her and that is cruel to ask of anyone, but especially your kid -- to bring her back to a time when she was happy. to reclaim when you were all happy, when nothing was broken that couldn't be fixed, before malcolm died, before you had to leave behind bethany or carver's broken body on the ground. to get her childhood back from where she left it and found it all gone and in ruins when she returned. 'this is all your fault'. this is the tragedy of parenthood sometimes I think, that capacity to define a life: she said that once, in a moment of profound pain, and she probably wouldn't have said it under other circumstances and she apologizes later, but now hawke has to live with that forever. leandra can't bear her own emotions without letting them spill over onto someone else so she won't have to hold the discomfort of them anymore, and hawke is left to shoulder that burden and responsibility again and again, handed the impossible task of making it all okay again, somehow -- of stopping anything bad from ever happening again in the Nr 1 Bad Things Constantly Happening capital of thedas.

and then at the same time there's the mirror of how varric's whole family wants orzammar back (and to him orzammar is just a ghost he's seen in their eyes -- there's something in his voice when he says 'That stupid plate was the whole city of Orzammar to him' that gets me every time, how much he understands that he doesn't understand and how lonely that makes him among them, and on top of it all he's frustrated and ashamed and sad that he just doesn't get it and can't meet them on it -- like it's a betrayal that he actually belongs up here, when varric wants so badly to be loyal), just as the hawkes want happiness back. (I don't think it's Lothering in itself that longing is for, it's for being together. Lothering was just the place they stayed the longest.) they're all in exile, even as they try to make a new home out of that exile.

(varric and hawke's real 🤝 quality across all personalities, affinities and choices is 'parentified child' lmao. so much of varric's character makes perfect sense once you know he grew up supporting a mother who was an emotionally volatile alcoholic, honestly. between varric, the hawkes, isabela, seb if you have him and merrill's whole Situation with marethari I feel like DA2 covertly is to mommy issues what ME2 is to daddy issues fjsdjfa)

basically I think I'm trying to pick apart exactly why the fact that leandra is clearly proud of hawke and tells them so several times doesn't feel like it helps at all, almost feels more like a cage even though it's clearly meant well? and what I'm getting is that it's because my sense of what hawke actually needs, in general but especially from a parent, isn't admiration or approval but to be loved and supported and understood. I don't believe leandra ever quite understands them, and it scares her because it makes her think she maybe never even understood malcolm. (that's the subtext of a lot of what leandra will say about him in legacy, at least. he's slipping away from her as the years pass after his death and she fears she never really had him in the first place, if he had secrets like these.) she consistently treats her oldest more like a partner or peer than as her child, which considering hawke is always described as being very similar to their father… I mean I totally see how that could be easy to slip into for her after he died especially, but it doesn't make it any less fucked up or unfair.

the real leandra in legacy is. she is SO absurdly self-centered, if you really pay attention. I don't want to keep dunking on her because I don't think she's like this on purpose, but it boggles my mind. if you do the quest in act 1 she gets so upset and overwhelmed that the kids just sort of sit there like :( at the end, which adds to the trend that through the game you constantly see hawke comforting leandra, and you pretty much never see leandra comforting hawke, beyond some light vaguely encouraging comments in passing. if you do legacy in act 2 while she's still alive hawke comes to her, tentatively asking if malcolm ever spoke to her about any of it -- clearly requesting some sort of emotional support or help to make sense of it. she then expresses her side of it, but never once does she say anything to the effect of 'hey that was a lot to go through, are you okay after all that?'.

instead she essentially hands them the responsibility of having a good life, to repay what malcolm did for all of them. and in theory that's not the worst takeaway I suppose, malcolm probably would want them all to be happy, but in the moment it only feels like more expectation heaped upon you somehow? especially since you don't really get to express anything about how it made you feel before she goes to the 'ah no use complaining' zone (after SHE got to express her grief at feeling like she's losing more and more of that old life, and hawke barely got to say anything fhsfalkjfs). in general she really doesn't do much like. parenting, does she haha. there is so much love there in that relationship, and yet so little comfort. Oh, those days. All of us, in that simple place. Well, that's neither here nor there, is it. This life, we have to make the best of it. And thanks to you, and him, I will. Oh well, mum, I'm uh. I'm glad you feel better after that, at least. Nice to be of service.

it's varric's ghost-leandra who actually acknowledges what a burden hawke has taken on, that shows an understanding of why they're doing it, acknowledges the loss they've been through and also reassures them in their sense of belonging that still can't be taken from them, despite it all -- The best of him is still with you. The best of all of us. It's what makes you try so hard. You'll always have that. We'll always be family. (you can't take 'loved' away, huh.) you get a bit more of a reconciliation/reconnection between hawke and their dad's memory by being reminded he got like this too, you know (implicitly you're not alone). varric through leandra is the one who tells them what they probably would have wanted and needed to hear from a parent right then -- It's going to be alright. that's what Hawke, The Champion means to everyone else, and for once they get to be the one to hear it. except only in a kind dream that never really happened. I. it. hmmmmmm. crushing. that is crushing. but also so incredibly tender from varric's side, and so moving to me that he's seen all this stuff and so desperately wants to give them that comfort. anyway DA2 is about love in some of the realest and thus messiest and most human ways I've ever seen and it makes my brain go wild it's my favorite game of all time goodnight

[mmkin]

what a mindfuck

As a teenager, I was a huge fan of Neil Gaiman. I bought the entire Sandman graphic novel series as well as a bunch of various novels or borrowed them from other people. When MeToo started and all of these guys that we thought were wholesome were outed as sexual predators, I, like so many other Gaiman fans, were certain he'd never be one of those people.

When the news about Neil Gaiman came out, I hoped it wasn't real. I waited to say anything about it because I wanted to be sure. But after reading the various things, I am just so fucking heartbroken.

Me and my siblings and cousins watched the Cosby Show reruns when we were kids/teens so when the shit about Cosby being a rapist came out I was like FFS. Then other guys like Kevin Spacey that I admired, etc etc. But I was able to move on/deal with it/etc.

Still, I thought, not Neil Gaiman, not him. He's just too cool/nice. I thought, of all the guys out there, Gaiman would have to be at the bottom of the list. I was so fucking certain of it, so to have to accept that ugliness about a man I thought was beautiful was an especially bitter pill.

So many of his books/graphic novels were beautiful and got me through some really hard times, and there were times when i was just astounded by this brilliant line or paragraph or idea of Gaiman's and wishing I was more like him.

Definitely not the case anymore, and if someone like Neil Gaiman can be like that, then it honestly makes me wonder what sorts of ugliness lurk in people that I think are beautiful (I mean beautiful in a mental/emotional/artistic way, not physically) and it's left me shaken in my faith in people.

EDIT - I wrote the OP fresh, without any editing so I know it comes across as rambly but I just had to get it out, and I did. Now that I've had more time to think, I can articulate myself a little better.

No one is perfect. We're all flawed creatures, but a lot of men manage to not have 'assaults/coerces/disrespects women/is a creep' as one of their character flaws and I sincerely thought that Neil Gaiman would be one of those people. With other people I liked who were outed for shitty behavior, there's always a certain level of disappointment but with Gaiman it just feels more personal even though we never met one another. I sincerely, truly, honestly expected and thought better of him.

[ladythornofrivia]

TR! boys headcanons with S/O, who fell in love with the rival gang member (ft. Ran, Rindou, Kakucho, Sanzu, Mikey, Mitsuya, Baji, Chifuyu, Izana, Taiju, Hakkai, Hanma, Shinichiro, Wakasa, Benkei, Kokonoi, Inui, South, Takeomi, Kazutora & Draken)

A/N: I want to do something a little different from my usual writing. And I miss writing Tokyo Revengers fanfic. Enjoy.

Falling in love with an enemy is prohibited, especially when you’re in a different clan, who swore to destroy them the next day or the day after tomorrow. What better way to end the tension between enemies is to date them. Better yet, fuck them. With your legs spread wide before them, their eyes glazed with lust, holding onto your thighs as they dipped their head between your limbs as they licked your folds. On a hot weather, you were only wearing nothing but a halter shirt, a ripped denim shorts and pink boots. Everything is sweet and divine. The hottest of summer has drove them mad to a brink of taking clothes off less than a minute. Both of you sneaking out late after the gang meetings just to spend each other fucking anywhere as long as you have each other. Whether it’s the bed or kitchen or shower. This time he wanted to make love to you on the dining table, where the companions—his enemies—hadn’t known of your whereabouts.

“Stay still, baby. I’ll make sure you won’t be able to walk the next day,” he said, licking and savoring your folds. You whined, clutching his hair tight. His long and girth cock twitch, aching for your walls. He lifted his face up to meet your lips, kissing you before plunging in further into your walls.

“You’re gonna have to beg for mercy for how you’re making me feel by choosing to wear that sexy outfit of yours.”

Taking your wrists, he rapidly slipped his cock in.

The table rocked at his speed, and by the time he’s done, his cum went leaking from your pussy until it flows onto the table.

“(y/n), I’m home,” someone behind the closed door said. But when you and your boyfriend didn’t have the time to react, a familiar member of the rival gang caught you red-handed.

“What the fuck!?” your friend said, dropping their takeout.

Your boyfriend looked up to his rival. Licking wet juices onto his mouth, he gave a smirk and said, “So, can I call you my brother-in-law?”

Izana, Ran, Rindou, Sanzu, Wakasa, Takeomi, Taiju, Hanma, South, Kokonoi, Kazutora & Bonten!Mikey

People with forbidden romance only exists in fiction. Surprisingly, you and your boyfriend from the rival gang managed to spend time together without getting caught. Both of you are good at making excuses. Everyone can take it without a grain of salt. For a better result, they ignored you the whole time. As you thought your dirty and mundane scenarios with your secret boyfriend. Mostly it’s cooking or going outside and play games, and sometimes going to yours and his favorite hiding spot—a hideout away from their friends with prying eyes. There are days when you want this rivalry to end, but you don’t know how, so you ended up crying, not knowing how the relationship will end once the enemies discover what you and your boyfriend are really up to. Afraid of being used or getting sick and tired of you, you confronted your boyfriend to announce the separation, for his safety, even if it means getting heartbroken.

That way, it’d be easier.

Your boyfriend gave you a pissed off look on his face, before tackling you by sweeping you up and slung you over his shoulder and slammed you down on the bed inside the love hotel.

“Not goin’ to happen, sweetheart. You think I’m going to roll over and accept this? Why waste our love together when we can run away and start all over again. Just you and me, my good, little wife.”

He slammed his lips to yours before he tore your clothes apart, leaving you nothing but underwear.

“No bra? You’re so naughty, angel,” he said, holding your hands above your head as he slid your underwear, exposing your wet, tight pussy.

He licked his lips with admiration, his pants were undone. “You’re going to regret what you said to me today. So don’t think we’re going to break up because of them or their laws.”

“It’s too full,” you whined, nails clawing onto his shoulders.

His chuckles tickled against your skin.

He pounded himself into you, filling the walls with your loud moans as your nails clawed onto his back, strapping him naked from wearing their uniform. With sharp final thrusts, he spilled himself inside you.

“We’ll make a lot of cute babies,” he said, kissing you softly after a long night of fucking you onto the mattress. He plopped down on an empty side of the bed and take you in his arms, caressing the outline of your waist, hoping for the semen to sink into your belly. “After this, I’m going to buy you a ring.”

Shinichiro, Kakucho, Chifuyu, Baji, Mitsuya, Kazutora, Inui, Draken, Hakkai, Benkei & Toman!Mikey

© ladythornofrivia- all rights reserved.

please report if anyone decides to steal/plagiarize my work and notify me. thank you.

Taglist: @colored-tr-panels @galactict3a @slay0368 @f1yh1gh

[psychedelic-ink]

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐈𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄

pairing: stripper!jack daniels x f!reader

genre: stripper AU, explicit, minors dni

word count: 8.2k

series summary: frustrated by your everyday life, you seek solace at a male strip club. It's your first time and you're instantly mesmerized by the one that calls himself "Whiskey".

chapter summary: you're still heartbroken but that doesn't stop you from attending your friends' bachelorette party— how were you supposed to know the male stripper that she hired would be the one and only whiskey.

warnings: angst, grief, mention of the loss of a child, enemies to lovers ✨ v i b e s ✨, semi-public sex, angst with happy ending, stripping, one time use of good boy (i was in a mood don't @ me), praise kink, oral (fem receiving), piv

a/n: not gonna lie with the trip I took and my laptop breaking when I returned I feel like I've been working on this chapter for months. Hopefully, it turned out okay! Thank you for all the support you've shown for stripper!jack it was much appreciated and made me so happy to see everyone so enthusiastic 💖

[stripper!jack masterlist]

dividers by @firefly-graphics 💜

Jack has a lot of regrets in his life. 

The night is warm, yet his skin is cold like ice. His legs feel shaky, his steps echoing and blending with the stretched-out shadows of the buildings. Cars whizz past him, a couple of cabs as well, but he doesn’t hail any of them. He’d rather complete his walk of shame back to his apartment. It’s only fitting after the stunt he pulled. 

He wasn’t expecting you to look at him the same way Vivienne used to. Full of admiration and love. There was a certain blindness to it, like he could do no wrong, but he could. Jack could do many wrongs. 

He shakes his head, the yearning in his heart growing with every painful beat. He misses her. His Viv. When Jack thinks of her, he can only remember their last moments together. Her stomach round with his child—a baby boy, he later on learned—her cheeks glowing, her hair in a high messy bun. She kissed him on the cheek that night. Hugging him tight. Maybe she had a feeling. He shouldn’t have let her go. 

A car honks as it passes him by, screeching laughter coming from the inside. He glares at the taillights of the car, two red eyes glaring back at him. 

With you, Jack thought he just liked the attention. You were shy, clumsy, unfiltered. He could tell what you were thinking just by looking at you. He thought. . . the growing feeling in his stomach would stop if he just slept with you. If he fucked you nice and hard that it would all go away. 

But the deed was done, and his feelings remained. 

Jack could see how badly he’d hurt you, but he didn’t see any way around it. He had to go. He had to leave. He was a coward and he was afraid. Looking at you, so happy and pliant with his spent dripping down your stomach— he just couldn’t stay. All Jack could see was Viv, her smile before she left to go get the milk he’d forgotten to buy because he had an exhausting night of stripping. It was the day before his last. He was quitting, he’d found a job at the distillery, something more stable he could do for when the baby came. And for her. 

He stops and stares. 

He feels sick. His mouth floods with saliva and bile, his stomach churns violently, he sees a tree nearby and leans over, emptying everything. His knees shake. While his throat burns and the stench breaks his nose, images of that night come to mind. How he got anxious after the first hour. How he called and called and called. No answer. How the police couldn’t reach him because he was constantly dialing Vivienne’s number. He remembers the way he stuck his bare feet into his boots to go and search for her, only to come face to face with two policemen. The eyes can be quite loud. Or maybe they were always loud for him. His heart sank into his chest. She was gone. His baby boy was gone. 

He hurls again, the leaves of the tree creating a symphonic backdrop accompanied by the gentle caress of the wind. He didn’t have anything else in his stomach anymore. Only bile coming out. It tastes like poison. 

Jack remains in the same position—half bent over, hand braced against the grooves of the thick tree. His eyes are teary. He thinks it has little to do with his throat burning and everything to do with Vivienne. He misses her. Misses her scent, her feel under his fingertips, kissing her swelled stomach for good luck before starting the day. 

He misses all of that, yet, he aches for you. He feels like shit for leaving you like that. Despite all of what he’d said and done, Jack doesn’t want you to hate him. 

Slowly, he raises. His grief clouds his vision. He can’t see the mess he made even though he’s staring right at it. Some sensible part of him is hoping no one saw. Or filmed him—a fear he had developed with the increasing popularity of Instagram and TikTok and whatever the fuck is popular now. 

His feet start moving again, the sound of his boots clicking against the pavement, but his mind is still at the bottom of the tree. Still lurching over, still vomiting. Thinking of her. 

Jack has a lot of regrets in his life. Now he has added another. 

You. 

Jack is a morning person—normally. 

But not today. Not when his head hurts like hell and his muscles ache in such a profound way that no matter how aggressively he gives himself a rub down it doesn’t go away. The sky is clear and he dares to glare at the sun. Staring until his eyes burn, tearing up right before he pulls his gaze away from the fiery orb hovering in space. 

He’d very much like to be the one hovering in space right about now.

The club is pretty much empty. A couple of guys sitting here and there sipping their coffee while Vodka—aka Steve—hugs the pool and dips down. Jack is not a fan of the poll. He prefers to sensually dance, he doesn’t like the sudden metallic chill that touches his burning skin during a routine. He heads to the bar where Tequila is restocking the fridge. Your seat is empty. Jack's heart clenches at the sight. 

“Hey there old timer,” he greets him. “You know where our firecracker regular is?”

“No,” he grunts, his shoulders raising. “Why the hell would I know?” 

Tequila’s sole eyebrow lifts along with the corner of his lip. His eyes soften with amusement, and just by the look, Jack knows he’s seconds to being incredibly, infuriatingly annoyed with the other man. Before Tequila can say anything, he waves him off, heading towards the dressing room. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Even if he did, Tequila would be the last person Jack would want to converse with about such a thing. He’s still feeling guilty about the whole ordeal. His brain screaming at him to give you a call, or write a letter or something apologizing. 

Of course, he does none of that. 

Instead, he gets ready. His eyes swiftly move over each and every outfit he has. Most of them are cowboy attire. Today he’s not really feeling it. He wants to be someone else and a change in outfit seems like the perfect way to go about it. He quickly tugs off his shirt and kicks off his pants, his chest and legs bare, he looks over the selection of clothes. His fingers graze over a red suit. It’s soft and light under his touch, and to accompany it, he picks a copper and black animal print shirt. It’s way more flashy compared to his usual outfits but he felt like it. He wants to look the opposite of what he’s feeling. 

The shirt is smooth like butter, cool against his sweat-slick skin. His only complaint would be the pointy shoes. It always rubs the back of his ankle the wrong way, leaving it hurting and bloody. 

Looking into the mirror, he slathers his fingers with a generous amount of hair gel and brushes the soft strands back. They curl slightly at the ends, sticking to his nape. When he’s satisfied, he drags a comb through them, making sure that everything is in place and slicked back. 

Just as he’s about to leave, Tequila pops his head through the door. “You have a call on line three.” 

“A’right, thanks, Teq.” 

The younger man promptly leaves and Jack reaches for the landline. The club is probably the only place where landlines still exist. He takes a seat, his palm flat on his thigh. A small sigh parts his lips, his body already feeling drained. Jack swallows thickly before answering. 

“Hello?” 

“Hello!” a chipper voice comes through the speakers of the phone. “This is Whiskey, right? My sister is getting married and we’re throwing her a bachelorette party and we wanted a stripper to liven things up a bit.” 

Jack smiles despite himself, “Of course, don’t know a better way to get a party goin’. When were you thinkin’ of havin’ it?” 

“This Saturday. Is that okay?” the voice suddenly sounds panicked, as if she might’ve been too late in asking. “Also it’s going to be at our house, I can send the address over.” 

“Sounds good, sugar,” the pet name tastes like iron in his mouth. He’s not sure why. “Let me give you my cell and you can text me all the details.” 

You’re heartbroken, poor beating muscle ripped apart and stomped on while still beating. Yet, the world still makes its lazy routes around the sun. The people around you none the wiser of the knot lodged in your throat, the tears that constantly linger in the corner of your eyes, burning. 

Jack certainly left his ever-lasting impression on you. You’re not sure what you could’ve done for a different outcome. He was so soft with you, so tender— then the switch had been flipped. His rage twisted at his lips, swirled in his eyes, and just like that he was gone.

You didn’t tell anyone about it. Just the thought of explaining everything exhausted you. Besides, you didn’t want to listen to your friends bad-mouthing him. You were protective of him. You held on to the hope that there was an explanation there. A reason that would soften your heart and everything would work out.

But days passed. You didn’t visit the club even though you missed Tequila and you never heard from Jack. 

Your anger festered like an irritated wound. The hurt, the sadness, all of it shifted into an emotion that was easier to handle, an emotion that was blinding and made you think of little else. If the world was adamant about moving forward, so would you. 

Your friend, Betty, was getting married in about a month and luckily, she was dead set on having the most unhinged bachelorette party ever. You’d make the most of it, promising yourself it would be the perfect distraction.

The wind blows warm, the trees that surround your friend's house dancing wildly as muffled music echoes into the blue-purple sky. You feel the breeze playing with the ends of your dress, lifting and teasing the fabric up your legs. You suck a sharp breath. Your heart beating in your throat ready to jump out of the bone and skin. Now that you’re here, staring at the imposing architecture —you often forgot that Betty was much more comfortable than you— all your bravado that built in your mind is dwindling. You take a step, then another. It will be okay. You’ll have a good time with your friends and sleep soundly tonight with alcohol lingering in your veins.

You wish, for once, things would go as planned.

“You called for a stripper?” 

In a weak attempt to hide the very obvious tremble in your voice, you swallow, again and again. Betty is absolutely radiant, her shapely brows coming together while giving you a startled look. She shrugs. “I mean. . . It’s a bachelorette party, of course, we hired a stripper. Why the big reaction?” Before you can answer she lets out a overexaggerated gasp and brings her hang to her chest. “Have you been a prude all this time baby?!” 

You snort at the question and shake your head, “No you idiot. I just. . . It’s okay, it’s fine. I just didn’t know.” 

“You’ve been so secretive lately,” she remarks, sucking the cherry of her cocktail between her lips. It reminds you of Jack, a longing tingling at your skin. She chews on the juicy fruit and just as you’re thinking of an excuse to get out of this cross interrogation, her eyes snap to something behind you. Her eyes sparkle, a wide grin stretching across her face. “Wow. . . “ she says wistfully.

You turn to see what got her so worked up, your eyes grow wide and you swear—swear your heart stops beating at that very moment. 

It’s Jack. 

Fucking hell.

Everything comes rushing back. Every ounce of emotion you tried so hard to shove deep inside bursting from every orifice. Your eyes sting, the know in your throat larger than ever. He hasn’t noticed you yet, too busy talking to Rachel, Betty’s sister, and maid of honor. You’re shaking like a chihuahua. What the hell is he doing here and what the hell are you supposed to do about it

“Whatever it is that’s going in with you, I’m sure a dance from that cowboy will certainly help,” Betty says, unaware that all you want is for the ground to swallow you whole.

“Yeah,” you breathe out, an awkward chuckle escaping your lips. “I’ll be right back.”

Before Betty can say anything, and before Jack spots you, you disappear between the halls. Your steps echo against the smooth marble. You’re not sure what your plan is since the bathroom was in the opposite direction of where you stormed off to. Some part of you wants to leave, perhaps run away screaming, but you know you won’t be doing that. It’s Betty’s night. And even though she has a habit of peeving you, you love her and want to be with her on her special night. Besides, she seemed really excited when she saw Jack. You can’t blame her, who wouldn’t be? 

He was as handsome as ever. His cowboy hat snug atop his head, shirt hugging his biceps as he strutted inside. You knew that walk. It was his stripper walk, he told you about it once, how he would move differently even when doing something as mundane as drinking water, or walking. 

Your steps come to a halt, the music of the party nothing but muffled, silent melodies now. You want to stay but you’re not sure how you’ll react seeing him dancing again. Memories come flooding back, reminding you of the love and hurt you felt in the short time that you got to know him. You wonder what his reaction would be like when he inevitably sees you. Would he act like the two you never met? Or would he just tilt his hat and greet you as if you were neighbors that barely talked? 

No matter his reaction, you have no doubt that it is going to sting.

You take a breath, furrow your brows, and turn on your heel. If anyone should be hiding it should be him, not you. You ignore the quick beat of your heart and head back towards the party.

There’s a stage, and an actual, god damn squeaky clean stage. 

You knew that Rachel was going all out with the bachelorette party and you knew Betty and her family were. . . Comfortable, but wasn’t this a bit much?

Seated between Rachel and Betty, both sisters gaze eagerly toward the stage as Jack ascends the stairs and positions himself at the center, his back turned to the audience. You hold your breath. It almost feels like you’re peeping on him. Hopefully, he won’t spot you among the crowd, you don’t want to look like you’re stalking him. 

Jack rolls his shoulders and relaxes his neck, tilting his head to one side and then to the other. Betty straightens in her seat, green eyes wide. Finally, he looks up, and with that, the music begins.

Have his performances always been so spiritual? There’s something about the way he moves that is slower compared to his usual routine. He turns and your eyes instantly drop to his crotch, the leather of the belt he’s wearing framing his bulge. You swallow thickly, heat pooling under your cheeks. Your thighs clench together with need. Damn it. You can't help but feel the tender ache he left behind while dragging himself in and out of you.

He rolls his hips and unbuckles his belt, which coaxes whistles and screams from the crowd. In a single fluid motion, Jack pulls the leather from the belt loops and uses it as a makeshift whip, cracking it in the air. His dark eyes search the crowd, presumably for the bride. Your eyes slowly drift to the crown glimmering on top of Betty’s head, your gaze moving back to Jack right after. 

Your entire body stills, your breath catches in your throat.

Your eyes lock with one another, his dark brows shooting up. He’s still moving with the music, hips swaying as he drags his fingers down sensually over each and every button. You press your lips together, wanting to tear your gaze away but also feeling as if it’s impossible. His breath hitches, unnoticed by everyone except for you. 

After what feels like an eternity, Jack drags his gaze from you to Betty, shooting the bride-to-be a toothy smile. 

“Now ain’t this a shame,” he drawls with a wink. “What a lovely woman to be snatched so soon.” 

Betty’s grin widens and you can’t help but feel a bit light-hearted. You’re glad that Jack is at least good at his job. He always makes people feel good. 

Jack begins his descent from the stairs and her cheeks flush. You’re as stiff as a board, some logical part of your brain screaming at you to push your chair back, add some more distance between what’s about to happen. His all-too-familiar scent fills your nostrils and you’re glued to where you are. Jack doesn’t so much as glance at you as he straddles Betty’s thighs, dipping low and arching his back as he comes back up, lips barely grazing her. 

It’s hard not to be reminded of the first dance he’d ever done for you. Your chest too tight for your heart, your body feeling too small to be holding every organ in. You want to tear your gaze away but you feel trapped by the cheering and the clapping. In trance, you lift your hands and add to the noise, a small whoop leaving your lips. 

You swear Jack cringes. It’s such a small movement, just a small jump in the muscle of his jaw and a small sneer turning at the corner of his mouth.

Good, you think, you don’t want to be the only uncomfortable one here.

Briefly, his eyes meet yours, a flicker of challenge in his eyes. You gape at the stare, does he think you clapped on purpose? To annoy him? He’s unbelievable. 

But no matter what your intentions were, his eyes shift back to Betty, finger digging into his shirt with a self-satisfied smirk. He straightens and tears the fabric, the sound of buttons hitting the floors hidden by the loud sensual music. You gape at the sight of his bare chest. Betty seems equally as shocked, her eyes rake his chest, hungry. 

Then, ever so gently, Jack takes a hold of her wrists and places her hand over his pecks, slithering back so her fingers move down his torso.

You weren’t jealous before,  but you can’t deny the fire that suddenly flares in your stomach. An ugly feeling fills your insides, clutches at your heart. Sharp nails bury themselves into the soft, tender muscle. He doesn’t look at you as he shifts on his feet, turning while rolling his hips. Betty laughs, her arms barely caging the width of his waist. Jack sinks down and guides her hands to his crotch, Betty flushes when he feels him, her smile still wide. 

He unbuckles his jeans and the crowd screams, meanwhile, you’re left dizzy, hands feeling numb as you clap. What the hell are you supposed to do in this situation? Leave? Continue to pretend that Jack is nothing more than a sexy stranger? Luckily you don’t have to think too much of it because he steps forward, leaving Betty’s arms to fall limp to her sides. You don’t know how, but as he walks towards the stage, the denim slips lower and lower, until the start of the swell of his ass is visible and his back dimples are in full view. Gifted from Venus herself. 

“I’m gonna need a volunteer,” he drawls into the microphone, the honeyed voice making every hair on your body stand with attention. Jack slowly turns on his heel, eyes glued to the bride-to-be, making it clear to the entire room who the volunteer should be. Your eyes shift to Betty, her bottom lip sucked between her teeth, shapely brows knitted tightly together. 

You realize, with horror, that she’s planning something. 

Before the thought can become something tangible, something that you can mull over, you find yourself being pushed forward. Your wrist yanked upward by a gentle, yet firm, hand. 

“We have a volunteer right here,” Betty calls out cheerfully. When you stare at her, wide-eyed and in shock, she winks at you. She mouths the words; have fun. 

No, you want to scream, you certainly won’t be having fun. Alas, you see no way around it as all the women around you begin to cheer, your ass being edged out of your seat by sheer volume alone. Your eyes find Jack’s as you take the first step. His lips are curled in a wicked smile, an expression that doesn’t reach the darkness of his eyes. You swallow. The noise fades when he extends a hand, a silent ask for trust that you’re not that willing to give. But you do. You lay yourself in the middle of his palm and he wraps his fingers around it, guiding you to the stage. Lights flicker around you, some white, some colorful. 

You stand like a doll in the middle of the stage, his body firm behind you, chest brushing your back. A shudder that you’re sure he won’t miss rolls down your spine. “Relax,” he murmurs into your ear. Involuntarily, you scoff. “You can leave,” he reminds you, nudging your arms to your sides and dragging the pads of his fingers across the delicate skin of your upper arms. His lips touch your cheek. “But that might raise some questions, darlin’.” 

Damn it, he’s smooth. 

You can’t really answer with everyone’s eyes glued on you both, so you make a sound that you hope expresses something along the lines of; I’ll stay but not for you, dickhead. You have doubts he got the message though. You assume you not running and cussing him out is probably a good enough of a sign for him to continue. 

Your pulse skyrockets as his hands find your hips, prompting you to sway along with him. It doesn’t help that you’re stiff as a board but you manage to follow his lead. The thick outline of his cock brushes against your ass, and your cheeks burn. Your body betrays you as it grows hotter and hotter, the seam of your underwear growing damp with every move. He intertwines his fingers within your own, lifting your arm and spinning you around so you face him. Before you have a moment to catch your breath, he dips. Your breathing hitches as he comes back up, mouth an inch away from your body, inhaling as if you were completely bare to him. 

Your knees start to shake. His hands slide down your back and nudge your legs apart before hooking afoot around your ankle. You find yourself sprawled upon the stage, knees bent with the soles of your shoes planted against the smooth floor. He towers over you, intimidating while standing tall between your legs. Jack doesn’t look down, eyes almost predatory as he observes the crowd. With a grin, he claps and hypes them all up. Both worry and excitement entangle around your heart, suffocating and squeezing your lungs. 

Confusion crosses your face when he turns instead, but whatever you’re feeling is short-lived. He drops himself to the floor, long legs threading yours, he flips you both, and suddenly, his body is flushed against your own. Your heart skips a beat, arousal pooling deep in your gut. You feel every inch as he grinds himself against you, fingers cupping your throat, mouth skimming your cheek—he inhales and you feel teeth grazing your skin. 

A moan parts your lips, a moan so silent that it’s drowned by the music and cheers, but not silent enough that it goes unnoticed by him. Every muscle grows tense. He smiles, something wicked and taunting reverberating out of him, another grind provoking you to raise your hips. Which you do, begrudgingly. Because you’ve missed him. Despite the anger. . . you still miss him, miss the weight of his body, the layering of his words.   

“I’ve missed you too, darlin’,” he whispers, his breath warm over your skin. The sentence sends a coldness down your spine that seeps into the very fabric of your being. A whimper shakes your throat. His lips move, but not a word comes out. You’re surprised to notice that you’re disappointed with the fact. 

You're being flipped over again, thick thighs straddling your waist as he comes to an almost plank position, your noses nearly brushing against one another. Jack grins and whips his upper body back, hand pushing back his hat and threading his hair. Thrusting into the air, he slides a palm down his torso. You watch in awe as his hand disappears beneath his pants, briefly grabbing himself before pulling his hand back. With the same hand, he holds your throat, leaning closer. The crowd goes wild. You hear the blood rush in your ear. 

The music comes to a close, the melody fading into the distance. Your eyes meet, and just as it does, a loud cheer bursts from the crowd. 

You’re both panting heavily, two sets of eyes eating the other up, engraving every detail to memory. The color of his eyes are darker than you remember, his lips a bit paler compared to your memory. He looks like he’s about to say something. You beat him to it. 

“Screw you,” you mouth at him, nostrils flared and gaze becoming one of steel. He’s startled but not surprised. You’re basically scrambling off the stage when he moves away, and disappear into the halls. You don’t care if it raises suspicion. You don’t care if Betty demands answers later on. You just want to vanish into thin air.

This isn’t how you expected this day to go. You were expecting to have fun, maybe get a bit tipsy and go home to relieve yourself further with the help of your vibrator. You, in no way, were expecting to run into Jack. It didn’t help that Betty volunteered you to go on stage. There’s an endless pit in your stomach now because of it. 

The halls seem endless. You walk and walk, not really having a clear vision of where you want to go. Maybe you should leave. The sound of the party is still roaring in the background. You wonder if Jack’s still dancing. You wonder if he stared as you left. Some part of you desperately wants to pick a fight, your nails itching to be buried in a soft surface—

You should leave. That’s the logical thing to do. And after everything you’ve been through, you’re not that keen about listening to your heart. 

You turn on your heel, heart ramming wildly in your chest, ribcage barely contaminating the muscle violent with emotion. 

Sadly, something warm and firm presses into your face—hard. Pain blossoms from the base of your nose, spreading throughout your face. You yelp and take a step back, the moment feeling oddly familiar as you rub a palm over your aching nose. 

“Sorry,” you hear him say, and finally your gaze lifts. You see him. Jack. Standing there like a kicked puppy, his hands somewhere between wanting to lay on his sides and reach out for you to soothe the pain. He does the former when your eyes flit between said hands and eyes, a pang of instant guilt overwhelming the color of them. “Are you a’right?” 

“You,” you say, the word bouncing against the back of gritted teeth. You point an accusatory finger at him. “Don’t get to ask me that.” 

“Fair enough,” he mutters. “At least let me do this since it was my fault.” 

His hand disappears into his jacket and he smoothly pulls out a tissue. He takes a step forward and your eyes go wide when you feel him pressing the soft material against your nose. You hadn’t felt the bleeding. Feeling slightly disoriented, your fingers curl around his hand, thinking he’ll move away so you can clog the bleeding yourself. He makes no such move. The heat from his fingers seeps into your skin even with the tissue in between. 

“I think that’s enough,” you say with a glare. “I’m fine now.” Jack finally lets go and you detest how cold you feel without his touch. You give your nose one last rub before lowering your hand, peeling the tissue away. At a loss, you stuff it into your purse. 

“What do you say?” 

The question catches you off guard, your brows furrow and he repeats himself. Slower this time. “What. Do. You. Say.” 

“What—” The tips of your ears burn and you swear if you were in a cartoon your air would be forming a spike right about now. “Are you expecting a damn thank you?!” 

“Perhaps,” he tuts. “Or maybe I just wanna talk and I’m lookin’ for a gateway to do so.” 

“Getting me angry isn’t the way to do that,” you inhale a sharp breath. “I don’t want to talk to you.” 

He takes a step, crowding you until your back is pressed snugly against the wall. Your breath catches in your throat, your anger and frustrations from earlier dwindling upon feeling his warm breath ghosting your cheek. His hand finds purchase over the empty spot right near your ear. You can almost taste him on your tongue. Involuntarily, you inch closer and your regret is immediate when you see the twitch of his lips. He tilts his head. His eyes bore into yours, searching for something, anything. They’re so dark. Almost black. 

With a sudden jerk of your head, you pull back, a thud echoing where your skull meets the wall, “What do you want?” you hiss. “A quick fuck?” 

The poison beneath your words startles even you. His eyes go wide. 

He doesn’t move away though. 

“That’s not why I’m here,” he rasps, voice dropping. He slips a leg between your own, your spine becoming a stick with the sudden jolt of electricity snapping through your body. His thigh firm and warm against your sex. When your hands grip his arms despite you, he grins. “But it seems like you wouldn’t mind it.” 

No. No, you wouldn’t. Fuck. What the hell is wrong with you? 

“Why?” you gasp as he pushes his leg further up, heat coiling in your stomach. You squeeze his biceps, and when you meet his eyes, he gives you a questioning gaze. “Why are you taunting me? Is it really that fun to string me along?” 

Jack attempts to pull back but your grip constricts. He remains, comes closer even, your bodies impossibly close. His hand slides down to your waist, thumb drawing slow, soothing circles. “I’m weak,” he answers simply. Like it’s meant to explain everything. “I’t not a matter of stringing you along or to taunt, darlin’. I just can’t keep away.” 

“I don’t want you to keep away,” you breathe, voice desperate and hoarse. “I just want you to explain, Jack. I want to understand.”  

You were telling the truth. You did want to understand. You want to see for yourself if he was worth forgiving or not, if whatever had gone through his head that prompted him to leave you in the middle of the night made sense. Even then—Even with the off chance that it does make sense, you still might find it hard to forgive him. 

Time stands still, the air heavy with your unanswered plea. You feel the tremor of his hand. He chews his bottom lip vigorously, contemplating his fight or flight response. It’s brief, but your gaze drops to his lips. So full, the bottom one plump from being abused between sharp teeth. Your tongue darts to lick your own lip, mimicking how you would soothe the ache of the tender muscle. A mistake, you’re quick to realize, because instead of explaining, he tempts your desires, crashing your mouths together, licking where you had just not moments ago. 

You surrender to him quicker than you thought. His tongue slips between your lips, tasting you, urging you to part for him further. You do. He traces every inch of your mouth with the tip of his tongue, pushing deeper. Heat licking the base of your spine, you grind down, the solid drag of his thigh against your cunt a delicious friction. 

“Jack,” you pant, he nips at your chin, his gaze finding your own. “Fuck, that feels nice.” 

“‘M about to make you feel even nicer,” he answers with a sultry drawl. Before your brain can register, he’s on his knees, bunching up your dress. He pulls down your underwear, leaving it dangling just a bit below your knees. You hold your breath as he inches closer. Hot breath ghosting your damp folds. He lays a tentative kiss over your mouth, a bit of tongue poking between his lips. When he looks up you’re mesmerized, dark lashes heavily framing his eyes. 

Jack doesn’t say a word as he begins his feast. He’s a man starved. Mouth and tongue leisurely moving between the delicate lips of your pussy and sucking the sensitive bundle of nerves that crown it. Your knees buckle. Thankfully, he keeps your hips firm against the wall, hand splayed wide over your thighs. Your moans are hushed, short gasps of air that fills your lungs rapidly. The aquiline curve of his nose bumps against your clit as he ventures deeper, tongue tracing your fluttering entrance. He retraces your opening, his hum falling on your skin.

You lift your hips off the wall, chasing the warmth of his mouth. He licks you with fat strokes, tongue flat, he follows the seam of your heat. You push your fingers through the damp, soft locks that frame the back of his head. He growls and brings his thumb to your clit, rubbing circles. The motion sends you into a frenzy. Eyes closing, you thrust against his pointed tongue. You swear he smiles as he fucks you shallowly with it, your orgasm quickly building to something indescribable. You tug at his hair, pulling him off of you. 

The sight takes you by surprise. 

His eyes are glazed over, only lust and need swirling in them. Your gaze follows the opening of his lips, a gasp parting them while his thumbs stroke the heated skin of your thighs. His lips glisten under the dimmed light, mustache soaked with the pure essence of you. Jack clears his throat before he speaks, not breaking eye contact as his tongue swipes sensually over his bottom lip. “Use me,” he breathes heavily, voice nothing but gravel. “Take what you need, darlin’.” 

You note the tell-tale signs of losing control. His words warm your stomach. Something primal and possessive taking over. You bring a hand to his cheek, thumb right above the tender skin that resides right under his eye. As you drag the finger down, you make a point of grazing your nail. His breath hitches and your eyes go wide. Your chest heaves, breathing suddenly the hardest thing you can do. 

“You enjoy seein’ me on my knees, sugar?” he asks, a weak tease to his tone. You don’t answer. 

“Touch yourself,” you say instead, voice soft contrary to the command. Jack obliges, bringing a hand between his legs. He palms himself over his tight jeans, pupils dilating as he holds your gaze. You swallow. “Good boy.” 

“Fuck,” he rasps. “Fuck—” he grinds himself into his palm, frustrated. “Do I make you feel good, darlin’? Tell me. Tell me how good I make you feel.” 

The air between your crackles. More slick dripping down the inside of your thighs. He swallows thickly and you notice the traces of fear that you won’t give him what he so desperately needs. Craves. And maybe you shouldn’t give it to him. Maybe you should just pull him back and ride his face until you’re soaking him. But your resolve has already cracked. Been like that ever since you stepped on the stage, giving him that trust again. 

You bring him back, his tongue darting by instinct. He circles your clit, eyes still fixed on you. Your breathing slows. “You make me feel amazing,” you mutter, a bit breathless. “Which is a problem because I never seem to get enough.” 

You expect him to laugh, snort, or at least shoot you one of those mischievous grins—he doesn’t. His eyes flutter closed and he inhales you, signaling the end of the conversation, he buries his mouth deep. His lips tighten around your clit and he flicks at it with the tip, your pulse skyrockets, your breathing coming in short. When your hips move away from the wall once more, he slams them back, a growl reverberating in his chest. He moves his head from side to side, tongue relentless. 

Every nerve in your body is electrified. Skin taut over muscle. Your head falls back, knocking against the wall. He forces his tongue inside and resumes circling his thumb over your clit. Your moans become loud, uncaring as you feel the gentle scrape of his teeth. “Jack,” you moan. “I’m—fuuuck—I’m ‘bout to come—” 

The confession seems to stir something wild inside him. He laps at your soaked cunt and meets your gaze, knocking the air from your lungs a second time that night. 

He pushes you over the edge, your inside pulsing as you come. The halls around you spin and your arms loosely coil around his head, hanging on for dear life. His tongue is still moving. Licking, tasting everything you have to offer. Tingles spread throughout your body, goosebumps rising across your skin at the chill of the hallway. 

Jack gives you one final lick before pulling away and standing. Suddenly, he seems larger than life, you realize you prefer him on his knees, at least for now. 

“What do you want?” he asks, and your eyes drop to where his hand rubs over his hard-on. Memories of his cock splitting you wide open flash before your eyes, your inside clenching at the phantom feel. However, despite you both knowing what you want, you can’t voice it. You don’t have it in you to ask him to fuck you. So, you turn around, your forearms bracing the wall. His palms move up from the back of your legs to your ass, he squeezes gently before sliding up to your waist, taking the ends of the dress with it. 

His lips touch your nape and you tense at the gesture. He must’ve felt it because Jack moves away, slipping his cock inside of you. He slides in with ease. Like you were made for him. A choked-out sound leaves you, his hips flush against the swell of your ass. 

“Feels so good, darlin’,” he mutters, lips hovering an inch away from your skin. “Missed this pussy.” 

Jack doesn’t waste time any time, knowing that your time is limited and someone might walk by at any second. His pacing is brutal. Cock filling the tight fist of your cunt with hard thrusts. Your brows knit with pleasure, mouth hanging open. If it wasn’t for the wall and Jack’s solid presence behind you, you’re positive you’d collapse. His hand slides up your torso and cups your breasts. Your back arches, pleasure rolling down your spine. He traces the column of your neck with his tongue and you shudder at the feeling. 

“You’re loud, sugar,” he warns. “Not that I’m complainin’ but I’m assumin’ you don’t wanna get caught with your pants down. Literally.” 

You shake your head vigorously, words failing you. But the movement of your head is all it takes for him to cover your mouth, moans bouncing off of his palm. The wet sounds flood the hall, deafening to your ears. The heavy drag of his cock is heavenly, your body clenching and begging him not to leave. He makes a choked sound, head falling between your shoulder blades. His nails bite into your skin, pulling you against him, pushing into you harder. 

“I ain’t gonna last,” he groans. 

You’re quick to reply, fear curling at your heart, “Don’t come on me.” 

You don’t think you can handle him leaving you again in such a vulnerable state. 

He rolls his hips and you feel every tantalizing inch. “Okay,” he answers, the previous raps of his tone becoming something somber, bittersweet. “Okay,” he repeats. “I won’t.” 

The pleasure that had been building flickers away like a dying flame. His pacing slows, wild thrusts becoming indulgent, slow. He grinds himself deeper with every push of his hips and your eyes roll. It feels good. Amazing. Breath shortening. But you can’t deny that the previous rush is gone. Time is once again moving, reality becoming the most solid thing around you. He’s going to come and leave. Your vision blurs. 

It doesn’t take him long, he pulls out and you feel incredibly cold and empty. So much so that you shiver as you press your forehead into the wall. You want to turn around. Watch him, see the desperate snap of his hips. Watch him make a mess of his hand. However, you remain in place, refusing to look. 

He grunts and his breath becomes labored. You hear the faint whisper of your name falling from your lips—then silence, only soft, slow breathing. You finally turn then, seeing the tissue in his hand briefly before he stuffs it in his pocket. 

“I—” he starts, meeting your gaze. You raise a hand. 

“I know. You’re going to say you can’t see me again and all that bullshit. I’m leaving don’t worry.” 

You barely fix your dress, swiftly heading towards the exit of this ridiculously large building. He calls out to you, asking you to wait but you refuse. You’re not going to wait for him to break your heart again. You don’t need to see the pity in his eyes. Your poor thundering heart can’t take it. 

The sun is gone. The sky a mixture of dark blues and blacks. You take a deep breath of the crispy air, allowing yourself to stall just a moment before searching for your car. You’re outside, yet you still feel suffocated. Pleasure still simmers under your skin. Already missing, aching for his touch. You ball your hands into tight fists, allowing your nails to bite into the tender flesh of your palm. You welcome the mild pain. At this point, you would welcome anything that provides the bliss of forgetfulness. 

“Get back here!” 

You flip him off without looking. You swear you hear him snort with amusement. The bastard. 

“At least let me explain—” he sounds desperate, his voice grows closer. You shake your head even though he can’t see and hug your jacket, your car should be close. . . You don’t stop. You can’t. A broken hiccup parts your lips and the tears you fought so hard against finally escape. You wipe them with the heel of your palm. 

“I’m sorry!” 

And as if time itself stood still, you stop dead in your tracks. The silence between you grows, his steps coming closer. 

All that hurt, all the anger. It finally boils over. 

“For WHAT?!” You turn around, the wind howling around you. Tear streaks chill over your cheeks. “Are you apologizing for that night, or right now? Do you have any idea how hard it was to force myself to go out tonight?! Are you aware how much it hurts to fucking look at you?!” 

He’s not as far as you thought he was. Only a couple of steps between you two. Your eyes drop to his feet and back to his face again. He stops. For the first time, Jack seems at a loss for words. His brows come together in remorse, lips parted with words unsaid. You shake your head, hands still in fists, you’re not at a loss for words, however, all of it piles up in your throat like a dam. The world stands still. The only giveaway that time is still moving is the wind. Icy whips of air irritating your skin. 

“You hurt me,” you say, surprisingly clear despite the knot in your throat. “Do you understand what that means, Jack? I’m hurt. There’s a bleeding wound in my chest because I stupidly thought—” Your chest caves in and you avert your gaze. “I thought you might actually look past all the fucked up parts of me. Maybe it was selfish of me but it made me happy to think I might be the one you would open up to. That me, being the way that I am, would be enough. But in the end. . . I didn’t even get an explanation. You just left.” 

You drag your gaze back to him. You’re not sure but you think he took a step closer while you were speaking, his hands outstretched like he’s fighting the urge to pull you into a bear hug. His eyes glimmer under the faint moonlight. As if every word you said hurt him just as much as it did to speak them. You shake your head again. “Just leave.” 

“No,” he chokes out, closing the gap. His fingers curl around your wrist. He must’ve seen your flight response starting to take over. You don’t fight the iron grip. “I—I don’t think you’re fucked up,” he blurts, unintelligently. “I don’t think any of that. In fact, I think the opposite, you’re too good for me, sunshine. You. . . I’m a coward, I couldn’t handle the love in your eyes. Couldn’t handle being that for someone again. But. . . I want to try, sugar. I want to try and be that someone for you. I don’t want to run away from this.” 

You stand silent, shocked. You can’t see it for yourself, but you know your gaze has warmed up to be something soothing and understanding. 

“I lost her,” he says. “Viv. . . she was my everythin’ and one day she was just. . . gone. My—My little boy along with—” 

You shatter. All of the anger, the hurt, your icy resolve melting and becoming a puddle at your feet. You cradle his face, catching the first tears with the pad of your thumb. His arms coil around your waist, muscles tight around your frame. He’s not looking at you, he’s looking at a random spot on the concrete. 

“She went out for milk,” he continues, broken. “She was still pregnant, two months. . . two months later I would’ve,” he cuts himself off. “I should’ve left instead but she argued that I was tired from work and that she needed to stretch her legs. I let her go. An hour later the police were at my door, telling me that she got caught in a gun fight between two rival gangs. Shot. Dead.” 

He spat the last words out, his guilt, his hatred for the world laced in every one of them. 

“That’s why I couldn’t. With you. I don’t deserve a second chance, darlin’.” he finally meets your eyes, and for the first time you see him for what he truly is. A good man, broken and lost. Just like you. “I’m afraid of losin’ you.” 

“Who says you don’t deserve a second chance?” you whisper, your thumbs stroking the delicate skin. “I’m sorry, Jack. I’m sorry you had to go through all that. I—I didn’t know. And I don’t want to lie and say you won’t lose me, life is unpredictable but. . . I promise that this,” you point between the two of you. His gaze follows your hand as it rests on his chest. “Deserves a chance. I’ve never felt anything like I have with you. You make me happy, Jack. As simple as it sounds. And. . . well. . .” your lips crack into a heartfelt smile and when he sees, he lets out a breath. “I’ve already fallen pretty hard for you. As you can guess.” 

His hands come up to your cheeks, holding you as delicately as one would a rose. Instinctively, you lean into his touch, eyes fluttering closer and smiling. “I think this deserves a chance too,” he mutters, his breath tickling your lips. “Will you have me, darlin’? Fucked up parts and all?” 

He brushes your lips together, prompting the grin that is quick to form, “Only if you’ll have me, cowboy.” 

Jack’s fingertips trace the contour of your lips before lightly pressing against them. His touch is gentle and warm. His lips come slowly towards yours, and when they meet, it is heaven itself. 

His hands slide down your neck and around your waist. His mouth moves in perfect harmony with yours as his tongue lightly skims across your lips. 

You can feel the heat radiating from his body as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer. His mouth moves feverishly desire and your body starts to respond in kind. And when he breaks the kiss, you’re surprised to see Betty’s house behind him, completely forgetting where you were. 

“Of course, darlin,” he smiles, brushing his mouth over your forehead. “Of course.” 

[c-rowlesdraws]

browsing twitter for longer than a few minutes gives me radiation poisoning these days, and it’s worse in the evening, in the hours when the dark feelings creep in anyway. So even though I’m really apprehensive to talk politics on my art blog (I mean, if the backlash to a hyperbolic post I made about a famous youtuber is this bad, posting about politics would turn my activity page into a window to hell), I have to vent some of my feelings or that radiation damage will just keep getting quietly worse. And a fair number of people read this blog, and seem to like things that I create and say, so for what it’s worth, I want to say some things I hope people will think about.

Someone I really admire tweeted recently about how hopeless they feel. They said that after many years of fighting for social change, they had no fight left. They said they were too exhausted to vote in the upcoming US presidential election. And I tried to understand where they were coming from, because this is someone I look up to. But I can’t. I understand feeling burnt out. I feel nauseous and heartbroken and scared, thinking about the situation in Palestine and the situation in my country. I understand that it seems like there is no good leader to rally behind.

But I can’t tap out. I can’t give in to hopelessness and say, “I can’t choose. I’m tired and I’m done”. When a choice is between maintenance of an imperfect society with incremental steps towards better things, and cranking human misery and suffering enthusiastically up to 11, I’m going with the former. We are all tired every day. But voting is not physically difficult. Even if you are tired, you can do it. There is a day where you go to a building, and you fill in a bubble next to a name, and you go home. They even give you a sticker. I said voting isn’t hard, but actually, it’s very important to say that for a lot of people in the US, voting is hard to access, and for some groups, impossible. It is made difficult on purpose, by people—Republicans, it’s fucking always them, I don’t know why I’m using vague language—who want to disenfranchise as many people as they can. If voting was really a useless gesture, if it really meant nothing— they wouldn’t be working so damn hard to stop poor people and immigrants and prisoners and folks in general from being able to do it.

If you hate Biden, god, fine, whatever. But he is going to be the nominee of the political party made up of judges and politicians that, for the most part, believe that climate change is real and ought to be mitigated, that the US should not be turned into an evangelical christian theocracy, that firearms should be regulated, that businesses should be regulated, that healthcare should be more affordable and accessible, that people should be able to get safe abortions, that trans and all lgbt people deserve to live their lives, and that asylum-seekers shouldn’t be shredded by concertina wire trying to cross the border. The wheel of social change is huge and fucking heavy and sometimes it looks like it isn’t moving at all. But we can feel it move if we all push together.

I caught a Trump ad on the radio the other day and it was some of the scariest shit. “Trump will bring order to chaos,” it said. “He will ban travel from terrorist countries, and end the disastrous open-border policies allowing illegal migrants and deadly drugs like fentanyl to flood into our country.” The fucking anti-muslim travel ban. It’s back, baby. That was the exact phrasing: terrorist countries. If Biden’s foreign policy with regards to the Middle East is frustrating and despair-inducing already, Trump’s would be a catastrophe. The Republicans think Democrats are soft on terrorism. As much as anyone with a conscience is horrified by the US’s continued passivity with regards to Palestine, this motherfucker getting back in office would bring greater horror. I’m really sure about it. I don’t know what that part of the world will look like next fall, but I’m confident that if this dumb bloodthirsty motherfucker regains office, there would be absolutely no hope of public pressure swaying US foreign policy towards “less murder”. Protesting against war and genocide or for any progressive or civil rights cause would become even more dangerous. I still think about the woman who was run over by a car at the protest in 2017

…I’m rambling. I can’t help it. But I don’t want to just ramble unproductively. I should end this with something I hope makes sense to people snd can’t be easily dismissed, even if you already disagree with something I’ve said. I want to say how I genuinely feel.

I believe that imperfect activism is valuable, because it is better to show up and stand in solidarity with other people fighting for a more just world than to not show up at all. I believe all activism is in some way imperfect, because activists are people, and people are imperfect. That is to say, one middle-aged woman who showed up to a DC protest wearing a hand-crocheted pink pussy hat, who maybe hadn’t been to many (or any) protests before but who felt fired up about this one, was worth ten of the smug “real leftists” sneering about her on twitter. Maybe more than ten. Your own activism will be imperfect. But keep an open mind— to your own learning and to others’. Doing “the bare minimum” (and, ugh, what a discouraging phrase) is still doing. We have to encourage everyone who feels drawn to fighting for social good. We have to link arms with one another and be strong. Even if you think the person next to you is a lame-o liberal, if they believe that (for example) trans people deserve access to gender-affirming care and should not be smashed flat into fruit-by-the-foot and sent straight to hell, they are your comrade.

Be wary of people who self-identify as Cassandras and unheeded prophets, especially if their messages consistently emphasize how everything is garbage and the world can’t be saved. If someone is telling you that only they understand how uniquely horrible things are, that no progressive or leftist political philosophy is viable except for the specific one they adhere to, that no news or media sources are worthwhile or even trustworthy except for the small handful of ones they endorse… I won’t say to stop listening to them or following them, but I’d recommend listening to other people, too.

Do your own reading about issues that are important to you. Read many people’s words, watch videos, think about what you believe, and how those beliefs have changed over time, and stay open to being further changed. We are all constantly learning and shaping ourselves, and teaching, and being shaped by others. All of us are tired. But we can hold each other up.

I don’t have a rousing call to action. Just the same things many people are already saying that I’ve felt encouraged by, in a grim sort of way: protest and donate when and where you can, support political candidates on the local and national stage who do support policies you agree with, who could do real good. It feels very hard right now to be hopeful. But we all have to live in whatever future comes eventually— so I think we have to still participate, and that means things like voting. We are all tired. But we have to keep going. There is, ultimately, no sitting out. People who opt out of voting still must live under the social climate and policies imposed by the person who gets elected, and who they endorse and empower and appoint, and who those people empower and appoint, and so on.

This post doesn’t have a good conclusion. I didn’t write it thinking about what would make for a satisfying structure in general. But if you read it, then thank you for reading.