#god why tf they have long ass names

[racew1nn3rs]

─ 𝘚𝘌𝘊𝘙𝘌𝘛𝘚, 𝘚𝘌𝘊𝘙𝘌𝘛𝘚 🫀

max verstappen x singer!fem reader // smau

⤷ summary: when max verstappen starts commenting on the posts of the beloved singer y/n l/n, fans are confused and less than enthusiastic at the new friendship. what they could never expect is just how long they've been 'friends'...

based on this request <3

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liked by sabrinacarpenter, maxverstappen1, and 46,908 others

tagged sabrinacarpenter

ynusername my new album is now officially out on all platforms! thank you so so much for all of the love and support, and special thanks to sab for her feature on the song <33 love u bb girl 🫦🫦 now that the album's out, tour next!!! see you all soon!

23,560 comments

user1 THE ALBUM OUT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

user2 i cannot be normal about this i fear

user3 ik her back hurts from CARRYING the music industry on her back 😩

user4 hey so WHO TF IS SO AMERICAN ABOUT?? A LOVE SONG

user5 y/n writing a love song in god's year of 2024... wow

user6 y/n in the top 10 charts, fork found in kitchen

user7 sabrina and y/n are never beating the gf allegations

ynusername damn right we're not 😏

user7 HOLY SHIR HOKY SHIT HOKST SHUT

user8 y/n's in love and it's not with me, hanging myself as we speak

user9 the comment is gonna get reported but so real op

user8 can't a woman hang herself in peace 😣

user10 album's such a banger i had this shit bumpin at my grandmas funeral 🙏🏼 rest in piece nancy 🕊️💪🏻

user11 OH MY GOD???

user12 rest in piece nancy you would've loved make you mine 😔

ynusername oh my god please tell me your joking

user10 sorry queen the grind never stops

ynusername NO SHOT

maxverstappen1 great album! 👍🏼

user13 why does he text like my father 🧍🏻‍♀️

user14 brother eughh

user15 what da hell is a polar bear doin in arlington texas

ynusername thank you max!!!

user16 y/n l/n to redbull in 2025

user17 hellurrrrr who is this man in ur likes y/n

user18 f1 driver!!

user17 Y/N NO ATHELETES PLEAEJEWK 🫵

user18 tour content soon??? i'm sat

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user19 bro looks like he snuck onto earth, get his ass outta here

user20 grammy-award winner, vogue cover model, new york university graduate and Some Fucking Guy

user21 not y'all coming to her defense like the mighty morphin power rangers 💀💀 he's literally a world class athete and she writes pop music

user20 17.172.224.47

user21 IS THAT MY IP ADDRESS??

user20 melinda charleton

user22 IS THAT HIS MOTHER'S NAME!!?1?1!

user20 you want me to do you too???

user22 no we good 😃

user23 ruth bader ginsberg did not die for this

user24 now wtf does this have to do with babe ruth 🤨

user25 WHOOOOO 😧

user24 ... that wasn't right was it

user26 now let's be fr he does NAWT have a chance

user27 have u seen the marble-carved  goddesses these men pull, i fear he does 😔

user28 please no i feel ill

user29 TWO???? OH HELL NAW

user30 two might be pushing it, only one was confirmed

user31 jesus christ

user32 first taylor, now this

user33 yall, all he commented was great album 💀💀 yall are LEAPING to conclusions

user34 what can i say it's an art

user35 i do not see 👁️👄👁️

user36 no like 💀💀 im in your walls

user37 haha max verstappen!! right!!! (theres a sniper at ur location)

user38 omg ur so right 🤩 it is about him (i have a bomb strapped to my chest)

user39 i dont mean to sound stupid, idk who that man is, if i saw him on the streets i wouldnt know a thing 🥱

user40 this is so random too like what 😭

user41 the power of kindness won't work here, i have to throw him off a building

user42 i used to be a max verslsjjwwo lover 🤩 now im just a max verslsjjwwo hater 😔

user43 NURSE 🫵 SHE'S OUT AGAIN

user44 why would u put that into the universe 😧

user45 alright, lets get you to bed grandma

user46 mari stop being delusion and go touch grass 🧍🏻‍♀️

user47 ENOUGHHHH

user48 ain't no way in hell 😭

user49 ik ur feet hurt from all this jumping to conclusions babe

user50 lets leave the parkour to the athletes 😃

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liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 54,789 others

ynusername italy thanks for letting me be inside you (; it was such a lovely show, expect me back asap!!!!

15,267 comments

user51 IT WAS SO GOOD I THNK I BLACKED OUT THE WHOLE TIME THO

user52 oh!

user51 oh so now this isn't a safe space

user53 LANDO AND MAX IN TGE LIKES??? NO NO NO NO

user54 ABORT ABORT ABORT

user55 y'all are doing too much 🙄 she's one of the top artists in the world, i think it's safe to say they might like her music

user56 the second picture 🧎🏻‍♀️do you need a stool cause i can kneel and be really quiet

user57 y/n fans be normal challenge (impossible!!!) (never done before)

user56 WOMP WOMP

maxverstappen1 wonderful show! 🙏🏼 you are so talented

ynusername ty max (: im glad you could come see me

user57 ain't NO WAYYYYYY

user59 THIS IS SIXKENJNG IM GONNA PUKE

sabrinacarpenter my gf looking sexy 🫦🫦🫦

ynusername only for u bbg 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

user60 BOOOO 🗣️ GET A ROOM

user61 do y'all need a third!!!!

user62 mamma mia pizza pasta mozzerella moment

user63 i just put u on a watchlist

user62 🧍🏻‍♀️

landonorris RAHHHHHH 🦅🫵🗣️‼️

ynusername RAHHH RAHHH RAHHH RISE POWER POWER 💪🏻‼️

user63 what the fuck

user64 OH GOD WHAT IF SHES DATING HIM????

ynusername brother eughhhh

landonorris WHAT THE FUCK????

user65 SINCE WHEN IS SHE FRIENDS WITH F1 DRIVERS HOW MANY CHAPTWRS DID I MISS

user66 apparently we all went into a universal coma while she was out galavanting cause idk how else this could've happened

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maxverstappen1 posted to his story!

(caption: beautiful show)

22,456 replies

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user67 someone save my girl bro, she don't know any better 😭

user68 it's like a little kid trying to touch the hot stove, LIKE STOP THAT!! DON'T DO THAT

user69 am i the only one who thinks they'd be cute together....

user70 YES!?!?

user71 there is literally no fucking way he bagged her

user72 losing y/n to european f1 driver would be the biggest american tragedy since 2001

user73 i had to read this shit twice, op what r u waffling abt 🫵😧

user74 can't even be nonchalant about this one bro, i'm chalanting hard asf

user75 we do not care

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liked by redbullracing, f1, and 78,567 others

tagged maxverstappen1

ynusername first time in monaco, safe to say i enjoyed myself! so happy to see you shine this time my love<3

25,788 comments

user76 oh. my. fucking. god

user77 THEYRE FUCKING DATING OH MYFODNSJ

user78 THAT SHOULD BE MEEEE HOLDING YOUR HAND THAT SHOULD BE MEEE MAKING YOU LAUGHHH 🎤

user79 i'm in mourning

sabrinacarpenter CHEATER 🫵

ynusername BABY IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, IT WAS JUST ONE TIME 😣😣😣 IT WAS A MISTAKE

maxverstappen1 we've been dating for 2 years??

sabrinacarpenter SHUT UP FAST & FURIOUS NO ONE ASKED YOU

user80 i'm sorry 😃 two Y EARS

user81 i feel like i just got dumped. y/n don't do this, the kids need you 😔

maxverstappen1 i got p1 for you, i love you 🫶🏼

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hope you all enjoyed! please let me know your thoughts and feel free to leave a request for me to write something for your fav <3

[occamstfs]

Chauffeur Swap

Another epistolary TF ! Cocky office worker to an equally cocky gym bro, trait swap + IQ Drain aplenty -Occam

Monday May 6th

Morning 

I’m beyond thrilled that I’m finally being looked at for a promotion. I’ve worked my ass off for this company ever since I graduated and I am not going to let this chance slip through my fingers. It’s such a good gig, in the week leading up to them filling the position they’re letting us use the company’s chauffeurs as just one little hint of the luxury this promotion will afford us.

At least, that’s what I thought before my driver arrived to pick me up and I saw what a slob of a man my driver was! I mean my word! I thought it was a prank or something else untoward! I’m sure he could tell too, I could not muster even a shy smile, nothing to do but grimace. God and that was before I got in! He must have just been an Uber hired or something because it smelled like a locker room in there! Truly vile!

God willing this is a one off occurrence, hate to get the oaf in trouble. Though judging by the state of his hygiene though he clearly needs to be taught a lesson somehow! I mean even with this job I couldn't afford to buy cologne enough to hide that stink- perhaps some dog-strength febreze- Ha!

Evening

Godddd fuck! The last thing I needed after such a stressful day was to be greeted by that animal’s face- worse yet, his SCENT! I underestimated just how grueling this interview charade would be. It is just one final hurdle to the big leagues though. I will leave petty contrivances like suffering through this unpleasant car ride behind.

Just to make the time pass with greater speed I put forth some small talk. Not like I could hold my breath near long enough to make a difference, and it couldn’t hurt to vent about what a hassle the day had been hm? After this though he started talking about himself and fwoh- could I not care less about whatever surely protein-fart based drivel or beer-brained diatribe he launched into. 

Perhaps this is unfair, I did not deign to listen to him. So perhaps he’s better than he seems. But who could blame me, sitting in that car was punishment enough to earn me tuning him out. And! And! For him to have the benefit of the doubt surely he could at least wear deodorant! Hm. Unless he is trying? God that would be depressing, to be so, ugh- I continue to hold out hope I never see him again

Tuesday May 7th

Morning

Mm, I simply must develop a better poker face if I am to continue to suffer in this odor for the week, god forbid even longer- I have prepared accordingly however, yesterday no one mentioned it at work but I swear I kept smelling it, him, all day? Same when I got home, just everytime I calmed down from work bam! I smelled this horrid car ride. I am bringing my cologne to work with me, I plan to put it at lest once more when I arrive at work.

It’s just, Why is this my problem right! I don’t know what his problem is, but I don’t see why I have to suffer because of it right? I should not have to deal with someone like this, he’s supposed to be working for me. I uh, it’s not like I think I’m better than him I just, well I am better than him. Hm, I lost my train of thought. 

Ugh, I keep spacing out today- I’m sure it has to do with my twice-daily rides with, hm. I don’t even know his name. It’s? You know I don’t care. I just need to take it easy, I’m not letting this fucking dude-bro pitstain of a man bother me this much! I’m getting my bag and he is not worth a second further of my, uh, attention.

Evening

I have a headache and I don’t know how it is his fault but it has to be. This whole thing is setting me on edge, I need to chill about Ben. That’s right Ben! I got his name, I actually told him about my headache and he told me that he usually meditates to clear his mind- which crazy that someone so, despite all appearances, mindful treats his body like a sty but- Well not a sty I suppose, or at the very least a well built one- 

Ah, that’s not quite appropriate is it. God he is hot though. Honestly sitting there just breathing in his, uh, scent, helped with the headache. Wait no, it was the meditation, God, why can I not stop thinking of his fucking B.o. My headache was gone but now I feel I’m beginning to run a fever, or at the very least I need to turn down the AC or something-

Better not affect my work tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8th

Morning 

Not gonna be a good one. I fucking woke up late which ive literally never done before! I barely got myself up and ready in time and didn’t realize until the car but I didn’t bring my cologne with me. It turned out to be the least of my problems however as when I got in his car I fully spilled my coffee all over the backseat. Hopefully this will mask his putridity because I now have to sit in the front with him for the ride.

He must know. He has to know it has to be some kinda sick, uh, fetish or something. Its untendable untenable. god get your shit together Jacob. Its so hard to focus on anything else now that Im sitting right by him. I need to talk to someone about this, fuck its like hes exposing his pits on purpose. He wants me to stare at him, i bet. Bet he gets some sort of sick rise out of me. Im sure him and all the other chauffeurs probably get together and jack off about how repulsive and, uh, strong they all are.

God Fuck! Get me out of this car im losing my mind! Need to, ill just get some work done on the commute, should help i think. God its getting hot in here again or something, so help me if this fucker starts actively sweating im gonna lose it

Evening

i just couldnt get anything done today i dont know what was fucking up dude? it was just so hot in there and i mustve forgotten to put deodorant on this morning, people kept complaining but i didnt even notice? i guess i was sweating more than usual, but like, it was so hot in that office and my clothes felt weird, tight almost. As if tho, lol im sure no one even really noticed that i was off.

OH speaking of, Ben really put himself together on the ride home today. He was wearing a button up and everything, must have seen how nice im living and got his shit together! Maybe ive been to hard on the douche? nah car still smelled like shit haha! Or i think it did? didnt really notice it until like halfway thru?

Fuck my clothes are so tight all of a sudden, godd its so hot actually. I look fucking huge in this tiny little monkey suit- almost like Benjamin ha- as if id stoop so low, even if i started getting massive not like id be dum enough to be on his level lol

Thursday May 9th

Morning

Fuckin couldnt find ANYTHING this morning dude! it was like someone came in and took or hid everything i need for work today. ended up having to just fuckin leave for the car without a suit jacket- pretty sure ive got an extra in my office tho so were chill there. mm probably shouldve shaved tho lol

Oh yeah the files! i had some reports that i needed to bring in but totally couldnt find them! Turns out benjamin had them the whole time it was weird, guess i left them last night. but he was like such an ass about it, like he knows anything though the uh, jock, jerk uh. hes actually dressed better than me rn isnt he. Finally threw on a dress shirt, surely inspired by me haha- pulling it off quite well too, his chest hair peaking up through mm-

Fuckkk dude my cocks kinda getting hard looking at him, starting to smell musty in the car too, wait oh shit i didnt even notice that it didnt reek when i got in! weird that its starting to stink now tho whats up with that, looks like hes finally noticing tho ha! its nice to see him finally react to how bad my uh, no how I GOD, how bad fuckin’ he stinks obviously. whatever, ive got more important stuff to think about.

Evening 

okay work was like, not fuckin chill today. idk what was up but like, every little thing i did today just wasnt good enough apparently like okay?? you know me, if something seems off clearly, fucking OBVIOUSLY it uh, i? god my head just keeps going blank i dont get it, im just. Huh, kinda smells like Ben all of a sudden, oh fuck lol my pits have completely sweat through my shirt-

None of this matters anyway though bro! Because i just had the BEST sesh with Ben after work!! honestly the work shit doesnt even bother me, shouldve seen me its like i am a natural at this shit i was getting a pump like ive done it a hundred times. im sure it smelled like a locker room on the ride home lol

OH! I didnt even say, it was all ben’s idea!!! he said the gym always helps him when uh, things get too hard to think about and fuckk bro hes so right. hes so, lol i almost said hes so smart- he definitely knows how to work out though, he kept helping me with my technique but im prety sure he just wanted an excuse to touch me- 

not that im complaining LMAO- every time he did it was like i felt myself getting stronger, and less worried about all those yes-man suit fuckers! hed adjust my arms and i would feel my biceps just suddenly pump larger, hed bump his hands into my pecs while spotting me and theyd just force the bar up even faster, wish hed just go ahead and grab my cock lol

theres time yet too- gonna crash at his place tonight! hopefully ill get to see him put his magic fingers and tight body to use cause fuck bro idk if it was the pump or what but i dont think my balls have ever been this blue, like any time i try to think about, oh ughh, work i just. mm everything in my body just begs me to fucking blow a load- 

Friday May 10th

Morning

fucker just went to bed early- got me all riled up and then i had to jack off alone. felt way better than usual tho, my cock seems bigger to lol, dk whats up with that. wanted to try again this morning but ben was just on my fucking ass trying to get me out the door 

i didnt have any of my clothes, duh, so i just threw on some of his, crazy how much they fit me? they even kinda already smell like me lol. he actually put a suit on which seems wild, funny that i look like a slob and he looks like some uh, fancy guy. Like i should right? uhh is my headache coming back? lol idk but looking at him in that fucking suit sure is making it hard to focus-

ben said i can just change n stuff when we got to the office, its why hes dressed up. ill go ahead and drive us and then hell just run up and get my clothes, idk if theyll fit tho? feel like im larger than i was for some reason- oh yeah my massive fucking pump lol- 

mh speaking of pump, maybe while hes up there ill have time to jack another one out, not like anyonell see or care ya? like its a problem im about to be the fuckin alpha of this company or uh, something. itll be done before hes back, only evidence will be cum stains on his clothes lol. ugh it smells so fucking dank in here i might just cum without touching it lol

Evening

shit man, dont know what i was doing? i feel like i was supposed to go into work today but ben says from now on im just his driver. which easy gig right lol? doesnt even care that i dont shower huhuh-

he got his big promotion today!!! he looked so smug and hot when he came down to tell me, and he promised wed have some fun about it when he got home tonight- just gotta drop him off at some stupid fancy dinner ill probably hit the gym while hes there. gotta keep it up or ill look like some fucking dweeb

plus that means ill get the car totaly filled with my bo- hell fuckin love that, after he gets a good whiff no way wil he not want to fuck then and there huhuh fuck, kinda needs to get that exercise in now that hes doing whatever bitchass shit they do all they day up there needs to give in and just fuck me finally its been so, ugh long and my balls feel so full, and im sweating so much god im fogging up the windows loli better be careful i need to keep it together until then urgh- 

god i just smell so fucken hot

[kumquats-are-gay]

sparing with Johnny, and you pin him down only to find that he's rock hard, maybe some teasing/sex? idk idk

(TF YOU MEAN “idk”?? THIS PROMPT IS HEAT AND I’M ‘BOUTTA COOK!! 🔥💯😤)

Johnny Cage x gn!reader (SFW/NSFM)

NOTE: This will be a two-parter because I just couldn't wait to post what I had already, lmao. This first part only has sexual themes and foreplay, while the second part will have actual smut (also, while this first part is totally GN, the second part will be mentioning afab anatomy, but I will still be using GN pronouns). I'm sorry this took so long to get to; I've been working almost every day for the past two weeks and ya girl is tired, lol. Was super excited to write for this though! :D

ALSO I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW ACTUAL FIGHTING WORKS I JUST MADE SHIT UP LMAO PLS DON'T COME AT ME

Pasted straight from Google Docs and NOT proofread, so please excuse any grammatical/continuity errors/syntax and formatting. I am also still VERY much an amateur writer so pls go easy on me <3

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51869623

Come On With a Come-on

         For a ‘professional’, Johnny Cage is about the least professional person you’ve ever met. Propriety must be a foreign concept to him with how frequently he flirts with you, especially on set—you know, in front of all of your colleagues and crew? The man was shameless in his relentless pursual of you, like a goddamn dog with a bone. And worst of all? You liked it, and this fact frustrated you to no end. 

         How could you possibly be attracted to someone who is so insufferably arrogant, loud-mouthed, and impossibly far up his own ass? An ass that, admittedly, you find yourself staring at whenever you think he isn’t looking. But, because you’re an actual professional, you’ve rebuffed his every attempt to seduce you thus far. Plus, you had a reputation to keep and dignity to hold onto; you weren’t sullying either when the likely outcome would involve your face and name on countless tabloids. 

         Without warning, his stupid, smug, and incredibly handsome smile invades your mind, and you suddenly find yourself wanting nothing more than to punch it off of his unfairly chiseled jaw.

         …or maybe kiss it off.

         “Grah!” you abruptly shout while burying your hands in your hair, momentarily tugging at the roots in annoyance. God, you had a problem. 

         Bzzt.

         “Huh?” You look down at your hip where your phone had just buzzed in your pocket. You pull it out and flick your finger across the screen to unlock it, then tap on the messaging icon.

         Johnny Cage: Hey, wanna spar later? 👊👊

         You raised a brow. You and Johnny worked in the same sphere for a reason. Action films were your guys’ bread and butter since the both of you knew how to fight as well as do your own stunts. 

         You and Johnny hung out casually here and there, but the two of you had never sparred before. You sensed an opportunity in his proposal, though: an effective way to get your frustration out on the source of said frustration. Shrugging, you figure, ‘why not?’

         You: Yeah, I’m down. But I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into b/c I won’t be holding back!

         Johnny: Woah, don’t go threatening me with a good time ;) 

         Your stomach twirled in unbidden delight at the cheeky response, and you internally chastised yourself for being so easily affected by this man. You and Johnny sorted out the details of your meetup—his place, late afternoon—and returned your phone to your pocket. You would just have to kill some time until then.

~~~

         “Of course you would have your own gym, and of course it’s fuckin’ huge,” you joked with a bit of sarcasm, yet enough lightheartedness as to not offend. Though, you doubt Johnny could be so easily offended; he’s got way too much self-confidence (for better or for worse) to be put down that easily.

         “Oh, honey, you haven’t seen ‘huge’ yet,” he boasted with a smirk. The wink that followed did nothing to abate the heat that was slowly taking over your body, but you did your best not to let the effects show. Since when were easy, immature innuendos such a turn on for you? You just closed your eyes and shook your head.

         “Alright, I am definitely knocking you on your ass for that one.”

         “Hah, see if you can, sweetheart!”

         The two of you stood in your  respective corners and took your stances. One quick little countdown later, and the game was on. 

        You knew Johnny was a very good fighter being a martial arts expert and all, but you didn’t realize he was that good. In all honesty, you figured he was more bark than bite, and that you’d have no real problem going toe-to-toe with him. Unfortunately, it seems like you may have underestimated him. It turns out that Johnny Cage was one of the rare few you had met who could back up their arrogance. Bully for you.

        Furthermore, this shithead was fighting dirty! Well, okay—technically he wasn’t fighting dirty. He was just talking after all, and there’s nothing wrong or “illegal” with that. But it was a dirty tactic regardless, and it only infuriated you further with how helpless you were to try and block him out.

        You pivot sharply on one foot and  use the momentum to lift and swing the other around, aiming the kick at his head. You expect him to duck under such a high-reaching maneuver—maybe he’d follow up with a low sweep with your single foot planted on the ground—so you prepare yourself to counter this. See, before you went into acting, fighting was your primary activity; you won many tournaments and managed to make a decent living off of it. One of the main things you were known for were your notoriously powerful kicks; few would risk trying to outright block them rather than moving out of the way.

         You must have forgotten who you were up against; that was the only reasonable explanation for your short-sightedness. You were not distracted by him or anything like that, thank you very much. Johnny-fucking-Cage just lifts an arm and grabs your leg. With one hand. Like it was nothing.

         The impact creates a loud smack! that briefly leaves you dumbfounded; you felt the force of that blow against his palm, and it was enough to leave the skin there tingling unpleasantly. Johnny didn’t look phased in the least bit with a crooked smile dancing across his handsome features, just gripping your ankle. Casually. Like you weren’t currently being held in the near-vertical splits.

         Johnny took this fleeting opportunity to give you a quick once-over, and his smile only grew. “Nice legs,” he quipped, “bet they’d look a lot nicer over my shoulders.” You openly gaped at his brazenness, and he used your shock to his advantage, flipping you in one fell swoop. You grunted when your back hit the mat underneath you, but the heat that overwhelmed your person (caused by your anger and fury, obviously) had you back up in a flash.

         “Best two out of three,” you nearly seethed. Johnny had the audacity to appear as anything but intimidated. In fact, he seemed rather amused.

         “You know, you’re like, really hot when you’re mad.”

         You nearly flung yourself at him in a mindless bout of rage, but caught yourself only a split moment before you could make such a devastating mistake. A delightful idea quickly sprang to mind—two could play at this game. 

         You kept up the facade of indignation and outrage in order to trick Johnny into thinking that you actually were going to make that blind charge at him. You stepped off of your dominant foot, using the momentum to make a lunge for him. He braced himself to counter your head-on attack, but you feigned right at the last possible second, swiftly gripped his shoulder with your left hand, and brought your right leg in against the back of his knee to buckle it. Johnny was quick to recover, though, keeping enough of his balance to twist and grapple with you as his leg nearly gave out. 

         Ah, so it was time for plan B.

         Before he could finish off the move, you brought your face right up to his, making sure that the two of you were making eye contact, and looked at him with sensual purpose. It was almost enough to disarm him, so to ensure you had the upper hand, you threw him another curveball with a breathy, “I wonder if you fuck as good as you fight.” 

         That did the trick. Johnny’s mind was sent reeling with your seemingly out-of-pocket comment, and you jumped at the chance to knock him flat on his ass. Johnny got the wind knocked from him as he landed with a resounding thump. Not wasting a minute, you straddled yourself across his hips and held his wrists against the floor mat. While Johnny had more raw strength than you, you hoped that the KO would leave him dizzy enough to keep him subdued.

         “Ha! Gotcha!” you barked out in triumph. Johnny just blinked up at you in a daze as his response. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle the taste of your own medi-” you had cut yourself off when you felt something stiff beneath your pelvis. ‘What…? Wait, is he…’

         “Are you hard right now?!” you squawked incredulously. Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and gave you an audacious smirk, as if to say, ‘Uh, yeah I guess so. What about it?’ You were flabbergasted. “I can not believe you right now!” You released his wrists and made to get up, but he grabbed your hips before you could get away. Damn it, his body was so warm, and…holy shit he felt big.

         “Woah now, hang on just a tick,” he spoke like he was trying to soothe a startled horse. This fucking asshole! Why, just why did you have to fall for him? “It is very difficult not to pop a boner when I’m getting up close and personal to the most gorgeous person I know,” he spoke with an immense amount of charm and a surprising measure of sincerity. Your eyes widened comically before you squinted at him with a healthy amount of suspicion. 

         “Oh, really now? And I don’t suppose you’ve used that line with every other person you’ve taken to bed, hm?”

         Johnny just sighed like he was the exasperated one here. “Darling, I’ve been laying it on thick for half a year now. There’s no way I’d still be after you just to get into your pants.” He looked at you with this sort of ‘duh’ expression on his face, like he couldn’t possibly understand your confusion. “I mean, don’t get me wrong: you’ve got just the kind of body that I love,” he added, and you nearly clocked him then and there, but you relaxed again as he spoke further, “but I’ve come to really like spending time with you. There’s never a day that I don’t look forward to working with you on set, you know.” And, just like that, you felt like the stupidest person on the planet for denying yourself something that you evidently could have had for a long time now. 

         You hung your head low and shook it from side to side in disappointment of yourself. You fool. You buffoon. You absolute imbecile. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” Johnny took this the wrong way, looking offended, and opened his mouth to say something. However, you were quick to shut him up with a short yet firm kiss of which he wasted no time in returning. He ground his hips against yours in short, desperate thrusts like there would never be another chance to do so, and you eagerly mirrored his movements like they might be your last. Without warning, he rolled the two of you over to flip your positions. Sprawled out beneath him with your hands held beneath his own, Johnny thought you looked like a dream.

         “By the way, I think you’ll find that not only do I fuck as good as I fight, but I fuck like I fight, too—hard n’ fast,” he intoned in a voice nearly an octave deeper. 

         You squirmed in anticipation at his words, and retorted with equal huskiness, “let’s see it then.”

[babbymochiiii]

How They React When You’re Sick: NCT 127 EDITION

꒰ ͜͡➸ trope: established relationships

꒰ ͜͡➸ nct! boyfriends x non gender specific! reader

this was born because of the sheer fact i’m under the weather a bit so…here they are 💆🏻

dividers credit @horangipilled 🖤

ೃ⁀➷ Johnny

Honestly with Johnny he would be near you but at the same time give you space just cause he knows you might throw hands with him…💀

You’re both a bit stubborn ngl so as long as you don’t ask or call for him he ain’t coming towards you

IDK I feel like at the same time he’s still keeping an eye from you just from afar so you don’t get upset 🤷🏼

“Why aren’t you coming near me? 🥺”

“Cause you tried hitting me with your sandal—“

“Oh…”

Yeah you’re feisty when you’re sick 💅🏼

Sometimes I think Johnny does it more so you’re at peace cause that’s just how you are but he’s literally worried sick internally cause you tend to get sick a bit too often sometimes

“You’re so careless, can’t you be more careful so you don’t get sick Angel? 😭”

ೃ⁀➷ Taeyong

Oh my god the poor man 😭 he’s literally suffering with you

Like he’s literally just embodying 🥺 the whole time

“Are you sure you don’t need my help baby? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼”

HES JUST SO CUTE OKAY LIKE—

You feel bad that he feels bad that you’re sick, but you’re always reassuring him that it’s just a small cold and nothing more

Until you do get a bit worse

THEN is taeyong running around like crazy trying to find good remedies to help with your sore throat and cough.

As you get better, poor baby will be the one getting sick now (even when you warned him)

“I told you worrying the way you were and being near me would get you sick :(“

“It was worth it 🥴👍🏼”

ೃ⁀➷ Yuta

Y’all…as a fellow Scorpio this could honestly go both ways

He could dot on you and make sure you’re okay by giving you the needed vitamins and medications you need to feel better

OR he would literally tell you to get away from him cause he doesn’t want to get sick 💀

It all depends on his mood, or how important of a schedule is coming up and can’t afford to get sick

There’s no in between…✋🏼💀

“Awe baby lemme help you out.”

“No — nO — NO—“

“Baby you know I can’t get sick 😭”

He will whine about it if you’re close to him and will make a finger cross towards you 😭😂

Sometimes he ends up being sick or he just gets a sneezing fit

ೃ⁀➷ Doyoung

He acts like he doesn’t care

Will honestly make you believe it at one point

“Just don’t come near me yeah? I can’t get sick.”

Will make a BIG ASS deal about how he can’t come near you because you’re sick and he can’t get sick cause it will ruin the whole schedule that’s been planned out

But he sends you vitamin replenishment drinks, snacks, you name it to your door step with a note

“Please get well baby :(❤️ I’m sorry for being a grouch 😔🫶🏼”

Sometimes, and rarely even sometimes it’s always when you’re sick, you wanna deck tf out of him just because he’s being sour and all you have is a runny nose.

WILL DENY ALL AND ANY SORT OF ACCUSATIONS YOU THROW AT HIM FOR BEING SOUR

“I don’t know what you’re talking about 🤷🏼” (red ass fucking ears giving him away)

But ofc you got the members and receipts to back you up 😎💅🏼

He ends up cuddling you all night long after you call him out

You can’t really be that mad at him (though you really are) cause you get where he’s coming from just as long as he makes up for it when you’re better

ೃ⁀➷ Jaehyun

My man is dotting on you!!!

Just like taeil, he doesn’t want you moving at all. He prefers making sure you’re well rested, hydrated, and overall content

Honestly you try to get up and do your own things but he has this 6th sense where he just knows and he would be so gentle when questioning you

“Where you going baby?”

“I gotta pee 🧍🏼”

“Need any help?”

“No?”

Just stands there for a moment contemplating whether or not should he be by your side

With a quiet sigh he always gives to a gently smile

“Okay baby. Call me if you need anything.”

ೃ⁀➷ Jungwoo

Just like Taeyong he’s embodying 🥺 around you

He doesn’t know what personal space is

IT IS WHAT IT IS

he doesn’t care if he gets sick or not he’s on you

25/8 Jungwoo is on you, cuddling you, kissing you,dotting on you

Sick? Doesn’t give a fuck 🤷🏼

“We’re in love! No sickness will separate us! 😤”

“Jungwoo please I feel like ima puke.”

“Then puke on me 😍”

You have to literally pry him off of you

Had to bring Taeyong and Johnny one time to help you get him off 😭

“NO, NO, NO!!! DONT TAKE ME AWAY!! BABY PLEASE—!”

“Jungwoo I’m literally going to puke! Let me do it with some privacy!”

“But I’m supposed to be with you!”

Man is sulking like a scolded puppy 😭 pouty lips and everything

Honestly feel bad for him 🥹🙏🏼

ೃ⁀➷ Mark

Dude…

This man doesn’t know what to do to make you feel better 😭

Is literally calling Johnny and asks what he gives his partner to make them feel better

“Do you seriously not know what to give to them?”

“N-no! I mean…taeyong hyung is always the one giving me the medications :(“

Poor baby is suffering and google isn’t helping him 😭

But you are!

You calmly (bc we know he’s panicking) tell him which medications work best for you and don’t and always give him a visual aid on said medications.

“Babe I feel bad :( like I’m not being helpful at all…”

“Mark, baby, you’re doing great!”

(You’re always reassuring him)

“Dude…🥺”

ೃ⁀➷ Haechan

It’s either he’s doesn’t get sick or he is sick with you

(he’s the one that got you sick)

Whinny

Literally whining the whole time 😭

“Why do I gotta be sick! This sucks I can’t even get head from you cause you can’t even breathe properly 😭😭😭😭”

Forgot to mention….he’s usually 24/7 horny-ness is 100x worse than it usually is

“Haechan—“

“YOU WANT ME SO BAD!!! CANT DENY IT COME ON BABY LETS DO IT!!”

“Haechan I literally feel like I’m dying right now”

“So we die together 😍🙏🏼”

“Haechan fuck off im not doing this with you 😭”

WILL AND SHOVE IT IN YOUR FACE just how sulky he got 💀

Then you threaten to call Taeyong on him then he’s gonna act like he did nothing wrong

“What? 😁 I didn’t do anything 😁”

Will be side eyeing him the whole night because you know he’s up to no good 💀

literally was giggling the whole time writing this cause of how much fun it is !!! haven’t done it in a while (I was writing this first before my valentine post 😭👍🏼)

But I hope you guys enjoyed it!! Lemme know if I should do different scenarios and with the other members too!

remember my asks are open! and if you wish to join my taglist make sure to comment/message me !! :)) ❤️

Much love MWAH MWAH 🥰

— mochi 🖤

[whyse7vn]

LEAKED -

[ ot7 x reader ]

EXO 💜

8 participants - 7 online

———————————

jimin: namjoon is having an episode rn

y/n: is it a beach one?

namjoon: THE WHOLE WORLD THINKS I SMOKE CRACK??:)::£:££;,&&

jin: don’t think it’s a beach one

jk: i think we’re gonna go to jail :/

yoongi: how tf did the gc even get leaked?

hobi: it was god punishing us for our sins

yoongi: what

hobi: smoked some weed and god told me himself no joke

y/n: when are you not high at this point…

jimin: did you leak it hobi?

hobi: i’ll leak ur nudes

jimin: you don’t have my nudes

hobi: that’s what you think

jimin: ??

hobi: whattttttttt

namjoon: DO YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND HOW SERIOUS THIS IS???!?!:!!:

y/n: /super srs

hobi: super shy

jin: i don’t like the way he’s shouting at us

jk: wow guys did you know that namjoon smokes crack wow i never knew that joon you smoke crack??? that’s a bit crazy 😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨

namjoon: SHUT THE FUCK UP

jimin: yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!

jk kicked tae out of “EXO💜”

namjoon: ?????????????????

jk: he just called me said he has a new number

and to kick the old one idk

don’t shout at me again pls i’m sensitive

i know ur on crack pls don’t do anything crazy to me

i’m sorry

jk added (+82) 2 ******** to “EXO💜”

(+82) 2 ********: hey guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(+82) 2 ******** changed their nickname to “tae”

yoongi: telling you now it’s 110% his fault

jin: so why did u change ur number?

tae: funny story actually!

hobi: dear heavenly father

jimin: watch this story not be funny at all

tae: long story short it was leaked

jk: LOL 😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭🤣🤣🤣

ur right was a funny story

jin: shut up jungkook

jimin: ….

y/n: ok how was it leaked tho?

tae: so don’t be mad at me

but i was maybe at a party last night

and then i was talking to this girl (i only have eyes for u promise)

and i was SOOO sure that i knew her

so when she asked if she could use my phone to check the train times i was like ofc what the heck i’m a nice guy!

but she was like taking 7 years to find the train times she was looking for

and when i say she was taking ages she was taking AGESSS

and ofc i was at a party so i was in fact a little drunk

so naturally i needed to pee

and i was NOT about to hold it

when i need to go i need to go

so i left her with my phone to go pee

yoongi: ….

tae: and when i came back

guess what

jk: she turned into an ant???

tae: close but no

i couldn’t find her

jimin: how was that close??

tae: i was all like where did she go???

jk: maybe she needed to pee too

tae: THATS WHAT I THOUGHT

so i like stood there for 20 mins

and then i realised it doesn’t take girls THAT long to pee

like y/n pees in 2 seconds no joke

y/n: ?/?/!£:£,£&,&

WHY ARE YOU TIMING HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO PEE?????

jimin: maybe she was shitting

yoongi: why are we talking about girls going to the toilet….

tae: I ALSO THOUGHT THAT TOO

then i was like that’s stupid girls don’t do that 😭

jk: yeah ur silly 😭😭

y/n: ???

hobi: hallelujah amen

tae: so then i started looking around for her

and then i asked hyungsik (was his party)

where ella was (that was the girls name so i thought)

jimin: white ass name

tae: AND THEN HE WAS LIKE

ella??? who is ella???

and i was like the girl who made that really good cake that one time??? with the long brown hair???

and he was like?????

and i was like????

then he was like don’t you mean d?

now i’m confused as fuck like who tf is d??

then he said the guy with the long brown hair who made us that really good cake that one time

so i was like whose ella then???

and he was like idk???

and i kid you not as soon as i started walking away from hyungsik and i saw the ella girl

with MY phone in her hands might i add

so i was like HEY WHO ARE YOU??

then she literally dropped my phone on the cold hard floor and ran away

the end

jk: wow that story was really emotional loved every second of it ❤️

tae: thank you people often tell me i have a way with words

jimin: so this ella girl leaked it then?

tae: i think so it only makes sense

namjoon: SO UR THE REASON THE GC WAS LEAKED??????????????

yoongi: told you

tae: no???

ella was the reason MY number was leaked that’s it

jk: i though her name wasn’t ella

tae: no ur right

*“ella”

y/n: how long did she have ur phone for?

tae: like 2 hours idk

namjoon: 2 HOURS WITH UR PHONE UNSUPERVISED?/):£:£:£,£,&,&

tae: ok she had my phone for like an hour 15 unsupervised

i was there for the first 45

namjoon: ARE YOU STUPID!/

tae: no my iq like 1500

yoongi: -1500

jimin: x 10

tae: why does namjoon keep shouting is he like getting shot at as we speak or something

hobi: oh gracious lord do you hear me?

jimin: tae go on twitter

tae: why

did yoongi unblock me omg? 🥺

yoongi: no.

jimin: just go look

hobi: save our souls oh mighty lord

tae: NO WAY JOONS A CRACK ADDICT LOLLLLLL

makes sense tho!

how they find that out??

did you crack out in public or something?

you sniff crack or swallow?

sorry im not used to these type of drugs you gotta let me know how u consume

i’m new to this not true to this >.<

waITTT THIS IS SO G-DRAGON CORE

wasn’t he coked out at the airport the other day?

oh wait are coke and crack different??

i’m sorry i didn’t mean to offend u joon

crack users rise up 🙏🏼⬆️ (namjoon)

namjoon: STOP SPEAKING

jimin: scroll down on the dispatch page

tae: omg is there a video of him or something??

y/n: even better!

tae: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

/£:££:£;&;&&:&&;&;&;&;&:&;&/@/&:&,&,£:£

WHY WOULD DIAPSTXHX

OHMY)@/‘d/££:£:&..

OUR GC WAS LEAKED????/):)/££::&&:,&&;&;&:££:£:£;£:&;&:&:&:&:&;&;

WHY WOULD THEY SAY JENNIE WAS MY GF?/£:££:&;&,&;&;&;

yoongi: that’s the part that bothers you?

tae: I HAVE NO RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN

y/n look me in the eyes

jk: ur homophobia ones?

tae: what?

jk: hobi said

hobi: homophobia

y/n: heterochromia?

jin: hippopotamus

hobi: IF YOU SEE ME AND YOU TRYNA SEE WHATS UP

SKEEYEEE

yoongi: wow

hobi: yoongi god hates us

yoongi: get a grip

namjoon: THERE IS NO GRIP TO BE GOTTEN DONT YOU UNDERSTAND THIS LITERALLY COULD BE THE END OF US

LIKE BTS

US

OUR CAREERS

jimin: dramatic lol

im sure people will still fuck with us even tho they know you guys kiss each other on the mouth pop percs and are a little racist

i mean look at nct!

and

like

….

bigbang!!!!

bigbang still have fans right?

i’m pretty sure!!!

y/n: ?????????????????????????????

jk: racist

who?????

NOT ME

i hope

i thought jimin was sexist and fatphobic not racist oh my god 😥😥😥😰😰

it keeps getting worse

jin: idk what joons talking about actually this could be the end of HIS career

not mine

see ME personally i’ve done nothing wrong

this is like the start of my career actually

the end is nowhere is sight for kim seokjin

jimin: 12 year olds on twitter are dragging you for hating newjeans

jin: what

jk: wait yoongi broke woozi’s nose???

yoongi: no

y/n: HE DID

hobi: this is the end

jin: did woozi fight back????

personally i think woozi is a good fighter

i’ve said this before small men carry the biggest rage!!!!!

yoongi: idk a woozi

y/n: shut up

yoongi: kisses :3

namjoon: CAN YOU GUYS BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE IN UR LIFE

jimin:

tae: LAMOSODOD WHY DID THEY PUT HOLLY BEHIND BARS

yoongi: HUH??????????

namjoon: oh my god i’m gonna shoot you all

hobi: see it starts with holly behind bars then it’s us next

jk: no 😰

hobi: everyone say sorry god

jk: i’m sorry god please forgive me and my friends

yoongi: why did they actually put my dog

behind bars

what the actual fuck did my dog do

??????

who makes these things

why is my dog behind bars

jk: do you think i can survive jail…

tae: ofc i’ll fuck for you!

*fight for you

jimin: wtf????????

tae: i was thinking about y/n sorry

jk: you mean it 🥺

tae: is cheese on the floor?

y/n: what does that even mean

jk: yes 😭

hobi: i see the light

god is that you???

namjoon: ur pissing me off stop speaking

jimin:

jk: i’m sorry namjoon 🥺

namjoon: is that sarcasm?

jk: who?

namjoon: all of you can kill yourselves

namjoon left “exo💜”

jin: ok but i didn’t even do anything

tae: so like…. is this fr my fault?

yoongi: yes ❤️

—

part one HERE

sorry LMAO this is ass whyse7vn funny comeback soon i pray >:(

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @indigobsessed @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @yojaschill @k4ngelz @junghoseokshusband

[itsthislake]

Reposting this directly on tumblr because YT deleted my channel.

In Our Bedroom After The War. Trash of the Count's Family animatic.

Consider supporting me via Ko-Fi! I would really appreciate it!

Extra stuff i wrote down while making this under the cut:

this took me so long you can literally see me get better at art from beginning to end lol

so many artistic liberties were taken here, you've no idea

confession time: i looked at references when doing the first drafts/storyboard(?) and then didn't for the line-art so yeah. rip lock's hair lock, i forgot about it until it was too late lmao

me, storyboarding this: SO. MANY. CHARACTERS????

@heart-select's Gashan design is so freaking cool I just had to use it, so kudos to them for that

me, repeatedly, while doing the line-art: oh god i still have to COLOR ALL THIS?!?!?!

how tf do you even draw wings?????

me, drawing the DHB: haha bones go brr me, drawing raon: you're damn lucky i love you

so glad I gave up on my original idea to color EVERYTHING jfc past me sure had high hopes

upset that I can't switch sheritt and DHB's order so they fit the lyrics bc I love sheritt too much to not draw her twice and also i'm not drawing a dragon bone head again thank you very much

ohn hasn't got ears. don't ask me why, i don't know either

on that note, i headcanon that ohn is the type to either look full human or full cat at all times, while hong (and lock too) like to have animal features while in human form whenever they can get away with it

added the kids' names to their piggybanks in korean bc why not

my blind ass made the subtitles far too big for my liking but i'm too tired to go and change everything now

this is also my first time doing an animation/video using only clip studio so i'm a little confused with why some things look like they do, but whatever

(Originally posted on 21/02/2023.)

anyways, enjoy!

[dontyouworrydaddy]

First of all, I love your blog so much, on god. I never fail to read every single one of your posts. You're a blessing to the COD simps community. Secondly, I'd like to request a female reader this time. Usually, I ask for GN, so that everyone can feel included. Please, TF 141, Konig (and Vaqueros too if it's ok) with a gf / wife who is a pro gamer. Like she can play any video game at the highest difficulty with ease, solo dungeons and even the occasional raid in MMOs and just destroys everyone in every fight. She even has a Twitch and YouTube account and she's one of the most popular streamers out there. She prefers FPS (but RPGs too) because she genuinely likes them, but also as a way to pay tribute to her military man. Women have an unfair reputation of being bad gamers and I hate it because it's completely false. My roommate is a beast of a gamer. Thank you so much and sorry for the long ass ask.

𝐑𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐥

Task Force 141 (+König & Los Vaqueros) + fem! Reader

NORA, HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT I LOVE YOU? You got no idea how much this made me smile and blush. I totally look like an idiot right now. THIS IS SO CUTE😖😖😖

I‘m a gamer too and let’s say… we only get hate. ESPECIALLY ON COD. Last night I had my voice chat on for the first time and oh boy… the things I heard…

"go back to the kitchen"

"What hacks do you use"

"No way a female is good at this game"

blablabla. I was like 😃 damn sensitive asf boys.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT💘💘💘

✥﹤┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈﹥✥

König

In the world of all the professional gamers all time, your name was always mentioned. Thousands of videos exist about you and your skills. Streamers were honored if they got to 1 vs 1 you, because that would mean that they get to flex by saying they were able to play with you. Even through they’d loose. Your name was known worldwide and so many people were looking up to you.

König admired you. He had always admired your talents and watched your streams with a mixture of awe and pride in the living room while you were live in your gaming room.

One day, your chat buzzed with excitement and cheers. You wondered why they were freaking out because you were having a chat with your fans. The chat was completely going crazy as they all asked the same thing:

Y/N got a boyfriend?

Please tell me it’s just her brother😔

IS THAT A MAN? IN HER HOUSE?

As you turn around you can see König in the corner of your room. He probably forgot you were still streaming and he looks as confused as you do. "Hey love" you finally said, causing the chat to literally explode. König comes a little closer and kisses your forehead. "Just wanted to ask if you wanna eat something" König says and tries to hide himself as good as he can. His heart definitely started beating faster than a few moments before. "hmmm… yes!" you reply and take a look at the chatscreen and see the the people waiting for you to confirm.

"Yes, he's my man" you said, your voice tinged with affection and pride, sharing your secret with your viewers.

König, caught off guard but unable to hide his emotions, blushed slightly, his heart swelling with love and admiration for you. He stepped back into view, leaning in to give you a gentle kiss on the cheek, which you welcomed with a radiant smile.

The chat erupted into a frenzy of supportive messages as your viewers reveled in the heartwarming moment.

Simon Riley

It was a usual day and you were 40 minutes into your stream but you noticed that the chat was talking about someone behind you. Curiosity piqued, you glanced over your shoulder and couldn't suppress a grin as you saw Simon, standing there and watching you from afar. He probably doesn’t know that they can all see him, not his face though.

You turned around and gave him one of your sweet smiles which he returned. "You know that they can see you right?" you tell him and by his facial expression you can see that he didn’t know it.

Without missing a beat, you turned to the camera and addressed your chat with a smile, "Well everyone" you said "meet my man!"

The chat erupted with excitement and hearts, and you could almost feel the virtual cheers cheering through the screen. There were a lot of comments about you two now. There were also comments about his frame and by reading those, you could feel your cheeks heating up.

John MacTavish

Today you streamed on Twitch and planned on playing destiny 2. You planned on playing it again since it made so much fun last time.

However, like always John wanted to stay hidden from the camera but still wanted to watch you play while reading some reaction from the chat. Your viewers never knew about him. I mean, how could they when he tried to hide as best as he can.

But fate had different plans that day. His arms occurred with your camera, revealing the glimpse of a man sitting next to you. The chat erupted with curiosity and in that moment, you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore. John read the comments too and waved at the camera but still not showing himself fully. You let out a small laugh and hugged his arm slightly. "That’s my boyfriend" you clarified and the chat was exploding with excitement.

John Price

One day, as your Twitch chat buzzed with excitement, a curious viewer noticed a familiar figure standing behind you in the frame. "Hey, who's that?" the chat exploded and you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore since John was able to do anything but stay quiet while you’re streaming.

A smile graced your lips, knowing it was time to introduce the world to the man who held your heart. "Oh, that's my man" you said nonchalantly, knowing the chat would go wild.

In an instant, John's face took a red shade and you could feel his heart melt. He thought that you might be embarrassed to show him but clearly you’re not. He came a little closer to you and the chat got a little clearer view of him and everyone was complimenting him.

With a smile, John leaned in, planting a tender kiss on your cheek. The chat erupted with cheers and hearts, seeing their favorite streamer be so in love was making them happy.

"you guys are so cute together!" was what almost everyone was typing into the chat and you couldn’t help but feel so happy right now.

Kyle Garrick

As one of the most popular streamers on Twitch, you had an enormous following of fans who eagerly tuned in to witness your gaming skills. The thrill of conquering challenging dungeons, soloing difficult quests, and leading epic raids in MMOs kept your viewers on the edge of their seats.

Your love for gaming ran deep, not just for the joy it brought you but because it somehow reminded you of your boyfriend. Kyle was always supporting you and he loved you in your darkest times. He was your motivation to keep going even when you didn’t want to sometimes.

As you streamed while playing Until dawn and the chat was exploding with excitement as someone noticed a figure moving behind your camera setup and mentioned it, which caused the others to see the man behind you too. You stopped the game and looked behind you. It was Kyle standing there with a plate of food and an iced coffee in his hands. You couldn’t help but melt on spot at the sight of him.

"So everyone !" you said, your voice filled with affection. "Looks like my special someone decided to make a cameo appearance. Say hello to man!"

In that moment, the chat exploded with greetings and cheers, expressing their love and support for the unexpected guest. Meanwhile, Kyle's cheeks flushed with a hint of shyness, never quite used to being in the spotlight.

"Uh, hey there, everyone," he stammered placing the plate on your desk along with your drink and a smile playing on his lips. "These are for you, love. Thought you might get hungry after a while."

As the chat continued to shower both of you with love, you couldn't help but steal a glance at Kyle. His presence, even virtually, filled you with warmth and reassurance. Without hesitation, he leaned in, placing a tender kiss on your cheek.

The chat exploded with even more excitement as they witnessed the affectionate gesture.

Alejandro

Among your many followers on Twitch and YouTube, there was one person who held a special place in your heart - Alejandro. Your boyfriend who supports you and who was always by your side when you needed him.

You were streaming your latest gameplay, the chat was buzzing with excitement and admiration for your skills. But a man behind the camera caught everyones attention. The chat was now questioning who it is and needed clarification.

A playful grin spread across your face as you glanced over at Alejandro, who had come to support you during your stream.

With a touch of mischief in your voice, you replied, "Oh, that handsome man? He's my soon to be husband."

A faint blush spread across his cheeks, but he leaned in and gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek, right in front of the camera. The chat went wild with excitement, and you couldn't help but laugh at the adorable reaction.

"See, I told you," you teased playfully. "They love you almost as much as I do."

Rudy

As a popular Twitch and YouTube streamer, your skill and charisma drew in countless fans and followers. The chat would explode with excitement whenever you embarked on a new gaming adventure. It was during one of these electrifying streams that fate intervened.

The chat was lively as always, filled with adoring fans and cheering supporters. You were in the zone, showcasing your skills in a competitive FPS match. Little did you know, a surprise was in store for you. Unbeknownst to you, Rudy had entered the room and was watching you from behind the camera.

One of your fans in the chat noticed him, a smile stretching across their face as they typed, "Hey, who's that handsome guy behind the camera?"

You chuckled, casually replying, "Oh, that's my man Rudy."

The chat erupted with excitement, filled with a chorus of "Awws" and many many compliments. Rudy, initially a little taken aback, couldn't help but blush at the overwhelming show of support and affection for both of you.

[hanasnx]

that's exactly what tf i'm talking about, BIG DICK ENERGY. and not toji fixing shit around the house during the party, imagine his cocky ass interrupting you mid-conversation, calling your mother by her first name and asking her which one of the outlets she needs him to fix? or asking your dad where he left the toolbox? and you're seething the entire fucking time, because you know he's showboating just to make your new fling uncomfortable, but just seeing how easy it is for him to do so and how much your family loves him makes you all the more agitated.

it absolutely would end in angry sex, you'd be ready to burst by the time you're finally able to get him alone to chew him out. it would most definitely have to be outside because you'd wake your parents up, and i doubt either of you would be able to wait long enough to drive back to your place either- so he's got you bent over the hood of his car at first, showing you how much he missed you, but quickly pulls you into his backseat when he hears the neighbors garage door open. yes, the old neighbor lady knows him too and loves him. but it gives you the chance to take control and release your frustrations, riding him as you curse at him, only for him to coo at you and tell you how cute you are when you're mad, not taking you seriously at all.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE

once the two of you finally finish making his car shake, you look around you and notice all the crap littering his back seat. when you ask him why there's baskets of clothes, he says

"What? You expect me to find my own place every time you dump me?"

his cocky ass didn't even bother finding somewhere to live, he's been couch surfing and living in hotels. of course he could afford his own place, but why go through all the trouble when he knew you'd take him back soon enough?

his confidence and the fact that he was right makes you pissed again, muttering and shaking your head at him as he helps you fasten your bra and find your shirt among the mess.

"So when am I moving back in, princess?

since i read this when you sent it in, i have been nonstop thinking about “what? you expect me to find my own place every time you dump me?” truly a banger of a fucking line bcos it was perfectly worded and executed.

calling your mother by her first name. the old lady neighbor knows him and loves him too. he tells you you’re cute when you’re mad. “making the car shake.”

my fucking god these are all great lines. i love this scenario so much.

the friends he couch surfs with are familiar with his situation bcos it’s like “you in the doghouse or something again, toj’?”

“yea, you know how it is. she’s just bein’ bitchy she’ll get over it.” meanwhile you fucking dumped his ass bcos he’s so frustratingly masculine. toxic masculinity like not taking you seriously, always thinking he knows what’s best, effortlessly manipulative etc etc. completely dismissing you acting like you’re gonna come running back one day—and in a way you do when you fuck him in his car. you certainly can’t go back to your skeevy bf after that, toji made sure to leave his mark.

[zombiee-reviews]

Rogio character discussion / breakdown.

• The coward • The asshole • The useless

If you can’t tell, I’m having fun with these lmao.

WARNING! THIS DOC CONTAINS LOTS OF INFORMATION AND WALL TEXT BECAUSE ROGIO IS REALLY THAT SHITTY LMAO.

So after doing a discussion with Ranach, my next victim is going to be Rogio.

Rogio is rather an easy character to breakdown, considering his actions is a huge contradiction to what Kique has his personality set too in the wiki.

-

What I will be going over:

• What we know of Rogio’s early life

• Why I feel he is just a shit character

• His friends with benefi- I mean, relationship with Roamer.

• How he is a huge self insert of Kique

• His weird on and off trauma(s)

• His wiki personality is one thing, but the comic shows another.

( Topics are in no particular order, my brain likes to splatter information everywhere lmao. )

-

So first, I am going to start with what we know of Rogio’s early life. Unfortunately, Rogio doesn’t really talk much about his early life, before MT. What we are told is he was once in a tribe named Snowcap Tribe and they once lived on the Meteor Summit. Rogio also mentions how someone angered a spirit up there and the spirit completely wiped out everyone. Obviously, later in the comic, his brother Iberon survived and was the cause of the spirit destroying the Tribe, but Rogio does not know this.

It is interesting to me how none of these comic characters talk about their backstory, but in Rogio’s case, he only brings up bad things in his backstory so everyone feels bad for him.

Why does Rogio never talk about his brother? His family? His traumatic experiences? You would think we would have some moments of Rogio confiding in Roamer and talking over the events that happened. It would have been good leverage to use his night beast form as past traumas he hasn’t gotten over. Personally, I feel like Kique didn’t come up with Rogio having a sibling that is alive until he made Ranach visit SS. Because this validates Ranach yoinking everyone in SS, because Iberon reminds him so much of Rogio. Ranach even puts two and two together that this COULD be Rogio’s brother. But as readers, we never see a scene where Rogio EVER talks about his sibling(s), or his past. And quite frankly it bothers me? The characters just feel like robots with no backstory, morals, or humanity / humility. They are just puppets to whatever Kique feels like having them do - in MT’s case, puppets to Rogio.

-

Let’s be honest, Rogio is by far the worst character in Home. Kique likes to label this guy as one of his best characters and will literally protect / defend him at all costs. WHY? I don’t know, maybe it’s because Rogio is a literal carbon copy of Kique in the comic.

It becomes obvious that Rogio is a self insert of Kique when Roamer and Rogio return to MT, after leaving Midnightgarde.

Roamer has a falling out with Kargo and we are shown nosy - ass Rogio listening in. We are then shown that Rogio is battling his own demons and pretty much forcing Roamer to cater to him because he wants to return to MT with Roamer. Kind of funny how Roamer doesn’t ask Rogio why tf he was listening to a private conversation… But anyway.

Even though Roamer and Kargo literally just broke up, Rogio thinks it’s a great idea to back stab his long time friend Kargo and sleep with his ex. How trustworthy Rogio is. I mean hell, Rogio makes the first move on Roamer. And then in a co-dependent manner, Rogio is suddenly healed from his demons, after sleeping with Roamer that night. Even Roamers face shows this “Oh god, Kique is going to use me as NSFW content with this dweeb in the future.” Lmao.

Also Rogio says he didn’t join the Tribe by choice, but he could have left by choice. Rogio had the luxury of leaving the walls when he wanted too, he could have easily just took off one day. He wasn’t that trapped. -_-

One thing I find funny on Rogio returning to MT, was he KNEW there was a possibility that Ranach was still there. So obviously, Kargo was right when he told Roamer that he returned to MT to sleep with Ranach once again. Of course, this is quickly covered up. But it’s obvious to me that Rogio was willing to see Ranach once more and then later in the comic acted like seeing Ranach again would be the end of his world. THEN WHY DID YOU RETURN TO MT IDIOT??

If Ranach terrified / traumatized you SO MUCH, why would you return to MT knowing there was a chance he’d be there, or knowing there was a chance Ranach would return? Didn’t factor that one in, huh buddy?

After reading the documents Staz put out on how Kique was in their relationship, Rogio describes Kique to a damn T. It would also make sense why all the main characters oogle over him, or ask for his advice even tho it’s out of place. Rogio IS Kique.

I mean hell, I absolutely HATE that the MT females don’t gut Rogio for not doing squat for them while he was in MT. When Rogio does return to MT I hate when I see Inna say “We’re glad to have you back Rogio!” GIRL WHAT. This pile of dog crap didn’t bother to save anybody, he had a chance to rebel with Kargo the first time and didn’t do anything! He was too busy banging Ranach and trying to raise his own position in MT as a Baron WITH Ranach. Realistically, NOBODY should be happy to see him!

Oh and let’s not forget Ronja giving him special privileges to call her by her actual name. And then suddenly making him Baron of MT, even though he hasn’t proved his skills to her. Ronjas stupid as well for just giving that much responsibility / status to someone SHE BARELY KNOWS. But it’s ✨ ROGIO ✨

Then came the time when Rogio was completely useless to his rank as a Baron. He’d let everyone go do the work for him when it came time to rid of Ranach and Avanti. He always used the excuse of not wanting to see Ranach, because Ranach was his “abuser”. The goofy thing about this is, Rogio was completely accepting of seeing Ranach again when he was coming back from Midnightgarde.. Also, why would you return to the very place your abuser lives? Why did you come back to MT knowing Ranach would still be around? It’s all dumb writing to me. I understand why Roamer returned, but Rogio could have very easily went his own way and start his own life.

Then another contradiction that Rogio creates for himself, is when he is in the healer hut saying “If anyone had a problem with it, they would have voiced their concern at the meeting.” But when Vigr asks Rogio to use himself to lure Ranach into a trap, Rogio suddenly throws a fit like a child and suffers from a “PTSD” attack. Again, idk why you would want to torment yourself so badly and come back to a place where your abuser is still around. Don’t make sense to me!!

But because Rogio was absolutely useless in the fight against Avanti and decided to not be apart of it, MT lost two members! Fuss and Jonna! Bro, you’re a Baron, a second in command, you don’t get to just kick your feet up. If you felt you weren’t ready to be a Baron, then why the hell did you accept it anyway? You could have easily told Ronja NO, I don’t want to be a Baron, I can’t handle that much responsibility right now. But because Rogio wasn’t there and his help could have potentially saved Fuss and Jonna, we lose them.

I mean shit, Fuss had more of a reason to stay behind, for his daughter! But he went anyway. Then we have lame ass Rogio who doesn’t want to sEe HiS aBuSeR. Even tho he has an entire tribe to protect him from Ranach!

Then came the time when Ranach was attacking the wall with Avanti. I just LOVE that Ronja says “You are the second strongest to Kargo go protect the cave entrance!” Basically saying “Just go run away and be useless!” If Rogio is the second strongest, why is he off diddling in a cave while everyone else has to go face Oreo dog? Oh that’s right! Plot armor! And Kiques way of further dragging the story of Ranach not knowing Rogio is alive yet! And yet furthering my reasons of why Rogio is fucking useless at everything. I mean he needed help from a pup to “kill” Avanti.

Then of course, when Rogio plays this game of ignoring Roamer and goes with Ronja to Tinget. What an asshole. I mean look at the face he is giving Roamer before he leaves??? Not only this, but Ronja ain’t the smartest of the bunch, because anyone can see that her tribe member is not himself, but sure buddy! Show me the way with just us two alone to Tinget! I mean hell, the comic doesn’t really show a relationship / friendship with Ronja or Rogio. Ronja is forced to like Rogio and act like she knows anything about him from Kique, because he is with her family member, Roamer. I mean she can at least see that Rogio is being a bit of a dick to Roamer, but she somehow doesn’t stand up against Rogio and defend her family member. She’s definitely got that minding her own business down lol.

Going to fast forward to the time when Ronja and Rogio are seen after Tinget. They are camping and Rogio miraculously knows that Fjall is spooking at something else other than a night beast. Rogio completely goes feral on this strange dog spying on them. But what would make me uncomfortable in Ronjas position is she had to really put some force in her voice to get Rogio to stop threatening him. Giiirl, that would make me nervous, because you’re alone with ROGIO lmao.

Later, Rogio and Ronja return to MT and Rogio attempts to run off, but cowers out. Heh, wuss. I don’t understand why he didn’t just do it while she was asleep, but to wait last minute while you’re on the border of MT. It just makes it easier for everyone to follow your scent?? IDK.

Once Rogio is in the void with Kargo after fighting his night beast form, the whole scene that follows once they leave is total bullshit. The whole “A punch long overdue.” From Kargo is so wrong in so many ways, if anything, ROGIO deserves that punch from Kargo. Rogio has been nothing but a dickwad to everyone since day one, he damn near isn’t redeemable either. But Kique thinks because Rogio saves Kargo and kills his night beast, it clears anything Rogio has done in the past.

When Kargo says “I have brought so much pain into his life” I think Kique meant for Rogio to say that. I mean Rogio was the biggest asshole to Roamer?? Only thing Kargo has done was just get upset with him over Ferah, and leave him, other than that I haven’t really seen Kargo be a dick to Roamer like Rogio. I mean hell, at least Kargo COMMUNICATES, even if it is when he gets angry.

And what follows after is just sad. I hate how out of character Kique writes Kargo just to benefit Rogio. But I am happy to see the lions wacking Rogio around lmao.

It wasn’t obvious in the beginning, but after finding out Rogio suggests a poly relationship to Roamer, it then becomes obvious Kique planned this shit. He planned a polyship and the three of them to have a child as well, which would be Diarko. Which is dumb as hell, considering his mother is actually alive. But Kique writes her as a mother lacking any maternity instincts, cause she just leaves him with MT? It becomes clear to me that the MT storyline is actually all about Rogio and whatever orbits around him.

Then as they return to MT, suddenly Kargo and Rogio become the best of friends. Okay I get it, Rogio saved him. But honestly, it looks like Kargo didn’t want to be saved. And besides that, Rogio and Kargo had no chemistry together. Just because Kargo dies and Rogio brings him back to life does not undo anything?? Kargo should really be like, okay thanks for bringing me back to life, buh bye dude.

Then Galti, Alva and Javo leave and they have this whole conversation that Ranach may return. Which he potentially could. Obviously brainless Rogio didn’t think this through. Sure bringing back Kargo is cool and all, but it ups the risks once more and puts MT in danger again. But Kique wants us to love Rogio because he brought Kargo back, not even factoring in the risks! What a smart guy!

-

Now I’ll be going over his weird / abusive af relationship that he has with Roamer.

When Roamer returns from Midnightgarde after giving Ferah and Kargo a thoughtful farewell. Roamer approaches Rogio and gives this whole speech about how the irbloss are the ones that wanted Roamer to see Rogio. WROOONG. Rogio was suppose to die that night, according to others who had script privileges, or heard it from word of mouth from Kique. Yes, that’s right people, Rogio was suppose to die after Ranach sacrificed him. But for some odd reason, Kique chose this wonderful dog to implement himself into. :-)

What also strikes me weird, is how Roamer was shy with Kargo but not with Rogio. Especially after their breakup. I perceived Roamer as shy with Kargo because a MxM relationship was brand new to him and he was figuring himself out. But when it came to Rogio, suddenly that shyness disappeared and he became the more “dominant” one, all in the course of a few days.

Then, Rogio gives this bullshit speech to Roamer about how he feels this relationship is right and he gets a sense of freedom being with him. I’m sorry, but seeing how Rogio treats Roamer in the future, I take this as love bombing and manipulation from Rogio.

Oh also, I hate how Roamer acts like he knows everything about Rogio when he confronts Kargo. “You have no right to talk like you know either of them.” Roamer???? Kargo literally spent years with Rogio in MT and you really want to tell him that?? You’ve only known Rogio for a few days?? Oh! That’s right. This scene is Kique trying to convince his audience that Kargo is the problem, not Rogio. But it’s absolutely hilarious how Roamer goes on the defensive with Kargo over Rogio, like he’s known Rogio his whole life. GET OUT OF HERE BOI.

I also hate how rushed their relationship is. Once Roamer returns from Midnightgarde, they have this forced chemistry about them. It’s almost like they’ve been together for quite a long time, but factoring the pacing, it’s only been a few days?? A week? I mean right from the get go, Rogio is already trying to bang Roamer, when he returns from saying goodbye to Ferah and Kargo.. And also when they wake up the next morning, this behavior is a damn red flag for me?

Also, why the hell did Roamer fail to tell Ronja he returned first? Oh yeah, cause poor Rogipoo needed Roamer to fend off his demons that he should PROBABLY deal with on his own. But Kique made Roamer the one that deals with all of Rogio’s problems.

Also Ronja acting like she knows Rogio, AT ALL. “And Rogio deserves someone like you, after everything he’s been through.” I mean all of chapter nine is pretty much about coddling up to Rogio, even tho Roamer and Ronja don’t know jack shit about him. UGH.

Then of course, Rogio keeping secrets. Roamer had to find out about Rogio and Ranachs relationship, instead of Rogio just telling him. Idk why it was an issue? But if Rogio felt such strong feelings for Roamer, why does he feel the need to not confide in him about something like that, but instead hide it. Then of course, more coddling Rogio over Ranach, even tho Ranach was never shown to abuse Rogio lmfao.

Also why tf was Rogio and Roamer making out like that in front of everyone when Kargo and Ferah are at the gate? There is a literal child right there you freaking creeps.

Then of course, poor Rogipoo couldn’t sleep when Kargo returned, so Roamer is like ITS OKAY BUDDY! I’ll do all of your chores! Go back to sleep!! Damn, I wish I could have someone do my chores because I couldn’t sleep lmfao. Bastard didn’t even say thank you to Roamer lol.

And of course Roamer trying to protect Rogio from Kargo once more. “Do you think he’s proud of the things he’s done?” Girl, I haven’t once seen Rogio take accountability or talk about past things, unless it involved pitying Rogio. It was always poor Rogio! Never, screw Rogio for leaving the MT females to be raped, while he was trying to raise his position in MT and didn’t seem BOTHERED about trying to change anything. Yeah, screw you man.

Then, my all time favorite scene with Kargo whooping Rogio’s ass, rightfully. Everything Kargo says is completely the truth about Rogio. But of course, Kique handles this as Kargo being the asshole and this is suppose to be some half ass redemption arc for Rogio and somehow we’re suppose to feel bad for him here. I mean cmon man, Kargo has the right to be pissed off at Rogio. He literally crept in and immediately started pulling moves on Roamer, DAYS after their break up!

And before Roamer even came into the picture, when Rogio and Kargo were in old MT together. It’s APPARENT that Rogio has backstabbed Kargo before and ( “You turned your back on me the day our bond mattered the most.” ) then did it again when Roamer left him. So why the fuck would any of us feel bad for Rogio here? I think I can speak for all of us logical readers here, we all side with Kargo, Kique.

I also hate that part when Rogio was telling Kargo “We needed each other.” NEEDED WHAT EXACTLY?! A bang buddy?!

And then Kargo asking Rogio if he loves Roamer. OF COURSE HE DOESNT! He is just using Roamer as a bang buddy! Bro literally couldn’t contain himself in front of a CHILD.

Aaaaah, now comes the juicy bits of their relationship. Rogio becomes the victim of his own self pity and decides to stone wall Roamer, because that’s TOTALLY something you should do in a healthy relationship. He does this QUITE a bit with Roamer, later in the comic.

But! You did hit the nail on the head by saying you can’t do anything as a Baron, so that’s why you’ve stepped down. Good job in that self reflection Rogio!

And of course the nightmares return and what does freaking Roamer do? Tries to bang him. Like??? Yall see this? It’s pretty sad that Roamer thinks sex is the way to comfort / get too Rogio. Because when it comes to touchy subjects like that, sex is the answer for him. Not talking it out, I guess. Because guess what! Rogio shoves Roamer off and ignores him! More stonewalling! Guess that didn’t work, Roamer!

Even when Rogio returns from the Tinget meeting, we have even more stonewalling! In typical Rogio fashion, he’s always giving them sad eyes and walking off. You’re pathetic man.

Then to nobodies surprise, chapter 12 begins with pathetic ass Rogio’s nightmares again. Of course, he walks out. Roamer attempts to comfort him and ask him to talk about what he dreamt about, nothing wrong here as Roamer is trying to support / comfort Rogio. But of course Rogio avoids anything Roamer tells him. I mean Roamer is in tears, pushing aside everything and asking him to love and touch him. But then AGAIN, Rogio walks tf out and leaves him alone to cry about it. Here’s a trophy for biggest asshole of this story, Rogio.

As the stonewalling progresses, it then manifests into Rogio trying to sneak out without telling anyone. At least be courteous and TELL SOMEONE. It’s really not that fucking hard to communicate to someone and say “Hey I need my space! So I am leaving for a little bit.” But of course Rogio wants to draw attention on himself and have the whole Tribe worry about him and possibly go search for him. This could have possibly caused more unnecessary deaths, but thankfully Roamer was able to stop him… With sex. Not sure how you can be in love with someone who just wants to bang you, stone wall you and be an absolute ass to you. Rogio is a walking red flag, Roamer lol.

-

Now my final thing will be Rogio’s weird plot convenient traumas.

Obviously, we’re all aware of Rogio fighting his night beast form and once he comes across the spirit that sends him to the void to fight the night beast, we see more trauma in the sky above him. Except these aren’t any traumas, it’s kind of funny how it’s mostly about Kargo calling out Rogio’s shitty ass behavior, but apparently this is traumatic for Rogio. Well, don’t be an asshole???

And then came the time recently when Rogio suggested that MT can move to his old tribes territory. May I remind you that this is his family’s graveyard? And the territory had a spirit absolutely ravage the whole area, killing the tribe? One would think Rogio would be traumatized from this, but guess what? HE ISNT. Nope! The words of his old families territory rings nothing in Rogio’s empty head. But the poor sop can’t even face Ranach with a whole tribe standing behind him.

I think it’s another dick move for Rogio to not mention anything to Ronja or the tribe about what happened in his old territory. Kique, buddy, you try so hard to make this asshat look good, but end up short every time. You will never change my mind on how I feel about Rogio. SORRY CHUMP.

-

Also all of Rogio’s positive personality traits are all bullshit lol. That trustworthy, loyal and courageous one made me laugh LOUDLY.

-

Notes:

Tbh I had to cut some things out and focus mainly on Rogio’s behaviors, so I may have missed some things. The conclusion of this is to show people and potentially show die hard fans of Home that Rogio really isn’t that great. Kique tries to shine him under a bright light, but he just ends up making a fool out of Rogio.

Rogio should have died the night Kique said he would.

-

Also apologies for this taking so long! Rogio is the worst mess in this comic, as you read.

[cheekyboybeth]

Genesis chapter 2

so, god had just made adam from the dirt because men are dirty little freaks and then he made eve out of adam’s rib cage. why? who tf knows, the lord works in mysterious ways. and then he put the two of them in a very pretty garden called eden.

anyway, so adam was trusted with the very very important job of naming everything he saw. so, he named the birds, he named the bugs, and he named everything else that was around back then.

and eve was there to help with the work but not really because she’s just a girl and she shouldn’t be doing all that

the two of them had free will and could do whatever they wanted, the vibes were absolutely amazing in eden. but there was one rule that they could not break or else shit would go down. and that rule was to not eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, that was all.

so, there was this slithery little bitch named lucifer, and he did not fw the good vibes that were happening in the garden. he had beef with god that he was still not over even though he literally lost the war in heaven that went down before the existence of anything. salty ass bitch boy 🙄.

flashback

lucifer was gods second in command. he was beautiful, smart, and had the upmost rizz, but he was incredibly narcissistic and thought he was better than everyone in heaven, even god himself.

so, one day he came up with a plan and gathered all his fellow angels, told them what he was gonna do, and half of them followed him in his rebellion but the other half still followed god.

angels have free will, just like us.

long story short, lucifer and his half of the angels lost the war and were bound to earth in own special dimension.

end of flashback

one day eve was just hanging with the animals, having a girls day, maybe getting a mani pedi, when all of a sudden she heard this agitating, grating voice whisper in her ear, “yo, you should highkey eat from the forbidden tree. is all I’m saying”

and like a bitch with no self worth, eve listened to lucifer and ate the fruit from the tree, making her, as the kids say, awake.

did I mean woke? yes, but that’s grammatically incoherent.

then, adam popped up out of nowhere and was like “bitch, did you just eat from the forbidden tree?” and eve was all like “um yeah I did. now eat the fruit and put your dick away”

and like a bitch with no self worth, adam took the fruit from her hand and ate it too, making him also awake.

the two of them were ashamed of themselves. there was no self love influencers back then, so they covered themselves in leaves so they wouldn’t be naked.

god saw this and was like “um that’s not on, Imma need you to leave now. oh, and eve? yeah, because you were the first to eat the fruit you will bleed each month and child birth will be painful af lol”

and so, they left. and as soon as they left as big ass storm came because god was sad and that was basically him weeping for his children.

[nightmaree-eyess]

Abby takes you in

Tlou fanfic

I’m writing this fic based on a dream I had and idk how tf to do this so yeah…

Smut mdni 18+ Abby butch, y/n, female reader, dom Abby, fingering, head, teasing, hickeys

Word count: 1526

Scroll down for smut. Starts at —

You were just picked up by a butch woman (she says her name is Abby) and her son (his name is lev) because your group up and left you because you were going too slow. But you’re glad you weren’t alone for that long when they found you. Ok, they might’ve left you for a couple days but they said they were coming back. You believed them till the 2nd day. Abby and lev found you on the 4th day and thank who/what ever is out there cause any longer you would’ve died. You have no supplies just a weapon and a flashlight. They say they’re looking for a group called the “fire flies”. Where ever they’re going I’ll follow cause I don’t mind the view of this woman’s ass.

We reach a farm house after a couple hours. The door seems to be jammed.

“Hey y/n help me with the door”

“You’re literally all muscle how am I gonna help you?”

Abby rolls her eyes but you see a hint of a smile

“Just get over here and help me”

We ran into the door and end up tumbling inside. You end up on top of her and you’re face blushes. It’s very noticeable. All you can think about is how soft her hair looks and how kissable her lips are. Abby looks at you. Her hands on your lower back so she took most of the fall and you see a slight blush bloom across her face.

“Can you guys get a room already? This is gross” Lev says jokingly

You scramble to your feet. Not entirely embarrassed but your face is still red hot. Abby gives you a shy smile while scratching the back of her neck. Maybe she was embarrassed but not mortified at least.

You go looking around the farm house wondering who owned it last. You go into a room upstairs and you find a desk, a guitar, some drawings of a woman and a child, and boxes everywhere. Who ever drew these had an amazing talent and you’re kinda jealous. In another room, you find that it was just used as a storage room and you’re curious as to who lived here so you rummage through their stuff.

You find a family photo and the person (you assume) behind the artwork. You read the back and it says “You’re not a burden, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, I love you, Ellie” which ever one is Ellie must not have a way with words but she tried.

You look some more and find matching bracelets. I don’t know if it would be weird to give Abby the matching half considering we just met and these are random bracelets I found but you keep them just incase. You wanna thank her for taking you in somehow.

You guys get ready for bed and you lay awake for hours on end. You don’t know what could be making your mind race so you see if Abby is awake.

“Pst abby” you whisper

Abby groans

“Pssst abbyyyy”

“What y/n?” She says in her sexy half asleep voice

You clench your legs.

“Are you awake?”

“I am now what’s up?”

You give her a look as to say “I don’t wanna wake lev” and you guys go upstairs to talk.

You walk into the storage room upstairs and close the door behind you.

“I don’t know why I can’t sleep! I’ve been tossing and turning all night!”

“Maybe you have something on your mind you don’t know about. I mean your group just left you a couple days ago. That’s gotta fuck with your head”

Ugh you can listen to this woman talk all day. It helps that she is the most beautiful woman to ever walk in your orbit too. Her short hair faded on the sides and her piercing blue eyes. You can get lost in them.

This might be kinda weird but you figured that maybe you can’t sleep cause you have all this pent up energy you need released and maybe Abby will help.

“Maybe I can’t sleep cause I have all this pent up energy and need help getting it out” you say an octave lower

“Maybe I can help with that”

God her voice is like butter

—————————————————

She grabs your neck and pulls you into a messy kiss. All teeth and drool and you find it so exhilarating. You take each others shirts off and Abby isn’t wearing a bra.

She pushes you up against the door and ghosts the seam of your pants

She plays with your tits over your black teeshirt bra

“You gotta tell me what you want and affirmative yes’ ”

You shake your head

“I need words y/n”

“I-I want you to” you let out a breathy moan

“I want you to eat my pussy”

“That’s my girl. Wasn’t that hard now was it?”

She traces the seam of your pants with her calloused fingers. She’s taking her time just to tease you.

She kisses you and trails kisses all down your neck, your collar bone, your breast, your torso

“Is this ok?” She asks as she’s about to take my pants off

“Mhm” I manage to get out. I’m already so fucking horny and she hasn’t even started.

“Words y/n, I need full sentences”

“Yes m’ame that’s fine”

She is eye level with your pussy and unbuttoning your pants. She looks up at you with hunger in her eyes. God she looks ethereal from this angle.

She takes your lace thong in her teeth and slowly slides them off you. Damn this girl loves to tease. You can smell your heat from here and it’s driving her crazy.

“You looks so gorgeous from down here princess”

You almost came just from those words alone

She dives in, her nose rubbing your clit and her tongue lapping you up.

You take a fist full of her hair and hold her head. It’s as soft as you imagined.

“You’re already so wet for me”

You let out a moan in response

As you’re about to come Abby stops.

“I need a better angle, lay on the floor on your back for me” abby says sternly, but like velvet

“Yes m’ame”

You do as you’re told and Abby kisses you and follows the trail of kisses she left before. But this time she ends up in your inner thighs. Leaving hickeys as big as quarters.

“What can I say? I love to leave a mark. Shows people I got to have you. That I was lucky enough to have you”

You blush and bite your lip in response

After that she goes straight in on your clit. She’s sucking while flicking her tongue and it’s the best fucking feeling ever.

She slowly enters a finger and you let out a moan

“Ah fuck yes”

“You like that baby?”

“Yes m’ame”

She enters another finger and you enter another demention.

“Faster Abby p-please”

She does as she’s told and your legs start shaking and your vision gets spotty

“Im- im gonna cum”

Is all you can get out before you start convulsing, your walls grip around Abby’s girthy fingers and you drip all down her face and hands.

Abby’s licks you up and slowly comes up for a kiss. You taste yourself and it almost turns you on again, ready for round 2.

“I thought you were the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen the moment I laid eyes on you” Abby says

You smile a drunken smile as you guys lay on the floor for a couple minutes recuperating. She nuzzles into your neck and inhales while she big spoons you. Her hand on your breast. And you whisper

“I thought the same”

————————————————

You guys almost fall asleep upstairs but the hardwood floor was uncomfortable. Before you leave the storage room though there was one thing you wanted to bring up to abby.

“Hey abby?” You say sheepishly

“Yeah? Are you ok?” Abby said concerning.

“Yeah yeah I’m great but I just- I just wanted to say thank you”

“For what?”

“Taking me in and letting me join your group when you could’ve just left me to die”

“Well I’d never leave a pretty girl like you alone in the woods, also what your group did to you was fucked up anyways”

You blush “that’s very sweet. I don’t know if this is weird but, I found these bracelets in here and I- I wanted to give you one… as a thank you”

The bracelets are a dainty silver chain with a wolf on it.

“These are beautiful y/n thank you. That was very thoughtful of you.”

She puts on the bracelet and holds her hand out to show it off and you do the same.

Abby grabs your hand with the bracelet on it and kisses it

“This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you love”

You blush

“We should get downstairs the suns almost up”

Abby grabs you by the waist and you leave the storage room behind.

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

I saw fanart and now I’m doing a thought/prompt dump. Most of these are SoapGhost

1) Soap is a fuckin atrocious eater 😂 like man’s gets food all over his mouth (and on one occasion his hair cause he didn’t realise he had food on his hands) and Ghost finds it both wildly endearing and so so fuckin annoying. He still cleans him up anyway though

2) Soaps a brat. No question, without a doubt, he’s a brat. And Ghost lives for it. He loves pushing Soap to be as bratty as he can be just so he can turn around and teach him a lesson. Soap knows Ghost does this and sometimes he’ll up it just a touch more cause he also loves the game they play

3) Ghost finally figuring out Soap’s been proper flirting with him (and not just as a game) and freaking tf out and Soaps just there like ‘thank you for noticing my heartfelt feelings for you after so long’

4) 2022 Ghost and Soap meeting 2009 Ghost and Soap would be so funny and so chaotic and just- yes. But also, throw 2009 & 2022 Price in the mix to add on the angst of knowing the other two died and shit

5) Soap going around kissing everyone but then when he gets to Ghost and tries to give him a short kiss on the cheek the others dragging him away to thoroughly ruin him

6) Ghost using Johnny’s ass to stabilise his sniper instead of his shoulder or whatever cause ‘Johnny your muscles are getting in the way, turn around’ 🤣

7) Someone else said this once but Johnny stealing one of Ghost’s skull masks and painting it red and then claiming he’s always had it and doesn’t know why his Lt is accusing him of crime

8) Soap using Ghost as a recharge for his social battery. One small kiss or hug from the man and he’s ready to light up a room again

9) Soap’s got a hardcore oral fixation and it’s hard to find him without something in his mouth. Most times he’s got lollipops in his mouth (cause he really doesn’t wanna go through the mess of accidentally breaking a pen with his teeth again) and Ghost is so weak for it

10) Soap using Ghost’s shirts to sleep in cause they’re comfy and bigger than him (Soap loves feeling small sometimes cause he’s a big dude)

11) Alejandro locking Soap in a closet somewhere on base (cause the man wouldn’t shut the fuck up) and then having to deal with the consequences of an angry (scared) Ghost that goes on an absolute warpath thinking Soap’s been kidnapped

12) Soap being an amazing cook but none of the 141 knowing cause they pissed him off and he cooked them borderline poisonous food as revenge. They won’t let him near the kitchen now

13) This wasn’t a fanart I saw but my brain took it to these two idiots anyway. But Ghost squeezing the absolute shit out of Soap’s ass and Soap just letting him cause he’s low key proud his ass made his Lt. Act out of sorts 😂

14) Soap putting on a harsher accent when he’s shy cause he hopes to god that whoever he’s talking to will give up on trying to understand him and leaves it alone

15) Alejandro learnt one bit of Gaelic so he could swear at Soap and Soap lost his fuckin mind at him in Gaelic and Spanish. Nobody’s ever tried doing it again

16) Soap’s so fuckin pale under all that gear that if you shine a light on it directly you will be blinded

17) Ghost catfishing Soap on tinder but Soap knowing about it cause his Lt. is an idiot that’s never put a password on his phone, he’s still rolling with it cause he wants to see how far he can get

18) Ghost marks Soap up to hell and back before he goes out for drinks so people know he’s taken even if Ghost isn’t there to tell them himself

19) Soap makes random noises with literally every little thing he does (it gets worse when he’s bored) and Ghost doesn’t understand it but he finds it funny and will sometimes join in (though denies it if he’s caught)

20) Last one, Soap’s got an entire journal filled with pictures from the end of each mission and they all have little messages or the names of anyone they might’ve lost. It stays on base and hidden cause it holds a lot of value to him

[malka-lisitsa]

🙄 ; What are your biggest pet peeves when it comes to tumblr?

I'm gonna get hate for this but fuck it we ball.

purity culture

the idea that you can make an OC out of a canon character but keep the back story and the name and all the connections. That makes no sense that's just saying you dont want to write them correctly and covering your ass-

Portrayal. And how no one fucking cares about it anymore. Everyone is great at what they do and there is NO room for improvements and you obviously dont have to do your character justice when you can just do whatever you want with them instead fuck if it makes sense youre only writing a real character and not an oc but ITS COOL RIGHT? WHY BE GOOD WHEN YOU CAN JUST DO WHATEVER??

I will die on this hill for all eternity, portrayal fucking matters and I refuse to fall into the crowd that supports "do whatever!" culture.

Oc's in canon settings that don't make sense. I remember back when I was in thg fandom people tripped over themselves to make sure their oc matched lore. People researched named winners of what games and they like actually gave a damn about making their oc as canon as possible. Without being needlessly rude that is not a thing anymore :)

people who go out of their way to scream they are super fucking nice just the sweetest ever just the nicest sweetest little bean never has a bad thing to say about anyone super sweet over the top- and its because they are a trash person trying so hard to hide they are a trash person. You look fake. You sound fake. Whoa shocker, you're fake. This is why I have zero problem being real about the things that I say and do. I am the first person to tell you Im a bitch, but im also the first person to step out on the front lines if you need someone. See they're not mutually exclusive I don't need a show to be nice.

the idea that constructive criticism is hate. Just bc you don't like it doesn't mean that someone who said you weren't perfect is sending hate. I saw this a LOT in 2k12 bro people genuinely trying to help got flamed bc god forbid someone improve.

attention seeking on the dash- Excessive "WILL YOU PLEASE LIKE THIS IF YOU LIKE ME AND MY MUSES PLEASE??" Bruh. Stop. If they follow you most likely they like you. Chill or they're probably gonna stop. Self fulfilling prophecy.

the idea that you don't owe anyone an explanation for blocking. If you have written extensively, and been friends for a long time yes tf you do owe an explanation even if its "You pushed my boundaries too often after I told you x thing" and then blocking them. But you owe a friend an explanation. Communicate. Don't be a coward. No sense in ditching a friend when you could idk talk about it but ok. this does not apply to randos.

[c-t-r-l14]

No ciase we gotta talk about how he was probably using it as an excuse to number 1 move and number 2 get with coworker , I feel like her name was Nancy? Or something whatever

Because if you spend so much time with someone like that a relationship is bound to form , platonic or not

The whole breakup audio is so weird and suspicious to me in general, because he’s constantly going back and forth between, “I’m happy and you are the love of my life, I want to be with you,” to, “I don’t think you’re the right person for a long distance relationship.” He keeps making and excuses, and gaslights listener into thinking that they’re “JuMPinG tO ConCLuSIONS”, whenever he insinuates something—and they respond with saying it outright. The audio is so suspicious to me because his behavior makes absolutely no sense!

Like—at least with listener, we have some sort of explanation as to why they acted the way they did in the first place, but even now I still can’t rack my brain as to why Alex was acting like that AT ALL. I never thought he cheated on listener, because I never got that vibe, but we also can’t take cheating off the table either. If he really was seeing Natalie behind listener’s back, then his behavior would make so much sense. He used listener’s mistake in order to induce the breakup, and his refusal to make it work could possibly be because he’s fallen for Natile. BUT, it could also be that he just doesn’t care about the relationship anymore, and simply wants to get rid of listener because he’s tired of them and doesn’t want to be tied down anymore—which could also be another reason for his behavior as well.

I do agree with you when you said that he used listener’s mistake as an excuse to move away and live this glamorous life in NYC, which was extremely shitty, and gives off such loser energy. The second point you made is definitely not off the table either—but if it somehow becomes cannon that he got with Natalie not even a month after him and listener broke up, that makes him even more of a shitty person, to be so for real with you. ‘Cause how tf you gonna tell your partner that they’re the love of your life, proceed to blame the failure of the relationship ALL ON THEM, gaslight them into thinking they’re the crazy one, AND THEN GET WITH THE SAME PERSON THEY ACCUSED YOU OF CHEATING ON THEM WITH NOT LONG AFTER YOU GUYS SPLIT???

That shit is actually evil, oh my god????😭

I do not trust Alex’s ass at all, bro. At this point, NOTHING IS OFF THE TABLE.

Thank you for the ask! ❤️

[ditzyclown]

In my cult of the lamb game I have a whole ass bat family, it started with Putre as I wanted some followers to work through the night (and who better than a bat) and then things escalated from there-

with his first bio daughter asking for her sister from dark wood (who are you fooling girl, you are surprise adopting lol) to him having another bio son to the adopted daughter to ask for her brother in darkwood TO THE BIO SON TO ASK ME TO MURDER THE NEE ADOPTED SON AS SOON AS HE WAS INDOCTRINATED

Anyway more silly info bellow

-Putre is the priest and one in charge to keep the materials for rituals safe and ready to use while alerting the lamb if they are ever low on materials

-Is extremely grateful to have his brother in the cult and to even grow his family in the cult, he's relieved that his two biological kids will never have to see the horrors from the lands of the old faith and that his adopted ones at least won't have to suffer... He's not sure how to feel about how anytime he, his family or another cult member dies the lamb revives them always....

-Based on my game he's friends with almost everyone on the cult, including Baal, narinder and shamura amongst others. (Dad energy was that powerful ig)

-Is the younger one of his siblings (though he's not so sure anymore)

- He's black with blue painting

-Fion is still finding his place at the cult, he does bring food from outside occasionally despite Putre's insistence to not exit cult grounds

-Putre asked for the lamb to rescue his brother from dark wood. The lamb made it but not in time

-Had to be revived

-the eye painting in his forehead was scratched by heretics so now the scars look like an X over them.

-His ears also got a bit shredded, can't echolocate as well :(

- "TF YOU MEAN YOU HAVE 3 KIDS?!?!?!"

-"WHY DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER, THAT ISNT EVEN A BAT"

-After recovering from the fact his lil bro got game before him (lol nah he was just in shock), he actually was pretty happy to see Putre doing well and for him to be an uncle.

- He's white with red painting

- Hungre is the eldest child (Kept young by the lamb themselves along the majority of kids born or brought into the cult)

-Wanted a sister and decided the lamb would be the fastest way to get one

- YAY SISTER

- Has not seen the lands of the old faith once in her life.

-Has a good heart

-Loves her family and the cult, Leshy often teaches her how to do pranks and how to make art crafts with camellias too!

-A very pale pink almost white looking

-Second eldest (adopted) child

-Cautious in nature from her life in darkwood

- Was born years later after the death of the bishops but still is untrusting of Leshy since he looks like those shrine statues....(He also wears heretic clothing!)

-Was also unsure about the lamb at first and clinged to Putre and Hungre

- Wears a long red dress to try and imitate her dad church attire

-After having a little brother Feno decided "And another One" and did the same strategy as Hungre and asked the lamb

-Grey fur

- Wasn't bothered that the one the lamb managed to find wasn't a Bat, he's adorable!!

-Has better flying abilities than Hungre since she had more space to learn (tcotl devs place expand the cult grounds I will sacrifice my firstborn for it)

- Second youngest

- Angy that he isn't the youngest brother anymore

-didnt like that the lamb didn't kill thorar when he asked for

-Has yet to warm up to him

-Once tried to sneak out of the cult out of curiosity to see what was so scary about the outside

-As soon as he saw a purple spider and the god merchant (Wich I Named Light) he turned tail and ran

-Has yet to learn to fly

-He's a dark blue

-Rescued form darkwood

- Doesn't understand too well what's going on

-A bit afraid of Pano since he heard him request the lamb to kill him

-Is still getting used to sisterly love and having a new parent

-Putre often holds him when it's night since he's still getting used to the moon necklace more slowly than the bats and still gets groggy and sleepy

-Misses his family, darkwood..... not so much

-Since he was mostly hid by his original family (only for heretics to still find them) he hasn't really seen a shrine/statue of Leshy he doesn't know he is one of the bishops (and neither that the other weird followers are bishops themselves)

-Black fur with grey paint

I might give them more lore or change a few things

[hausofmamadas]

MURDER HUSBANDS | Wind them up and watch them go (love letter to NBC’s Hannibal)

♫ To the tune of Climbing Up the Walls by Radiohead (with overture by Bruno Battisti D’Amario) ♫

✧

Wow

So I feel like I say this every time. But Mary mother of god, this was a behemoth. By a mile the hardest vid I’ve ever made joke’s on me bc I’m the fucking crackerjack who decided to tack on an whole ass other song as an overture bc why in the name of all cocks would I decide to make anything easy like it’s funny bc I always have an impression of how easy a vid is going to come together when I get the idea, right. And this duo with this song just pbj. So ngl I thought the shit was gonna edit itself. But guess what yall? Radiohead like … makes some intricate, complex-sounding shit stunning revelation, almost as if that’s what they’re fuckinfjsbs known for

HOWMEVER, the day has come, it’s arrived and I’ve looked at this thing for so long now, I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, cannot tell if it’s good anymore. My last vid, I took a long break so by the end, I had enough time away from it to remember it was at least good. This? This could be visual gobbledygook, mush for your eyes, the equivalent of that shit brown shade you get when you mix too many water colors together.

But likehopefully it’s not and you can pls enjoy this love letter to one of the greatestqueer romances in modern media, which is a bold statement whatever fight me but I can’t think of a queer ship before this in tv/movies where the romance unfolds like any other hetero relationship and queer identity isn’t the focus, which even though I think is important, lbr there’s more to gays than being gay. Like it’s kinda visionary, despite the fact that neither character is explicitly queer, when it becomes clear that they’re in love with each other, no one, in-universe, is pearl-clutching all: EGAD! But Will’s never been with 😱a man😱 before?? How in THE DICKENS could he be in love with Hannibal when I don’t have definitive proof he’s even touched tips with another man let alone been balls deep!!!!!!!! How dare he not have this big, gay awakening for us all to gawk at applaud for!!!!” ?

No, literally every character: Jack, Alana, Bedelia, Margot, Mason, even Will’s wife god bless I cannot remember her name but she deserved better *shakes fist at Will* etc., all acknowledge the transcendent romantic bond btwn them and no one questions it. Well, no one questions it thru the lens of performed queerness. Tbf ppl had a lotta questions about the like probable impending multiple murders which validsisjwh

These are just 2 ppl who’re in love with each other to the point of being uncontrollably homicidal Which like … goals? Like I’ve really wracked my brain and can’t think of another queership that unfolds like every other hetero ass love story. That is to say, where fluidity is more the default, at least to the extent that no one talks about the orientation of either players within the show’s universe. Regardless of whether Bryan Fuller intended that from the start which tbh I don’t think he did but I also don’t think it’s fair to call it queerbaiting. I think he let the story unfold and realized kinda with the rest of us that this was a magical!realism romance and not a crime procedural and by S3 leaned tf into it doesn’t really matter bc the universe in which these two exist to truss each other up like Christmas turkeys aka foreplay symbolizes so much more to me than whatever it was initially invented to be. And if it’s not art, folks, idk what is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ofc I mean the show is art, not the vid. Vid=potential gobbledygook

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taglist: @tofuwildcard @narcolini @ashlingnarcos @drabbles-mc