#going through my drafts only to realise I have so many stuff there that I wasn't posting for some reason

[emylilas]

Fandom: Wheel of Time Prompt: Aging (from HalfAMoon2024 on Dreamwidth) Characters: Liandrin Guirale, Moiraine Damodred, Anvaere Damodred Content warning: character's death, some flashing, Wot show S2 spoilers Summary: Through the characters of Liandrin and Moiraine, The Wheel of Time has explored the curse of seeing your loved ones age faster than you'll ever will. Watch in HD if you can!

[agirlwithglam]

Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3

literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3

how to work hard + actually study (realistic)

forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link

use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.

ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!

parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.

honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.

( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)

You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.

And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!

And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.

Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)

dealing with social media:

put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.

screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.

more *extremely* helpful resourses:

tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying

how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)

studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls

more blogs i recomend:

@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery

xoxo, vanilla

[steamberrystudio]

31/12/2023 Devlog

Hey everyone! Time for the bi-weekly tumblr update for Steamberry stuff! Except I skipped one because I can't remember why.

I half-wrote it but I think I just wasn't feeling up to finishing and posting.

I haven't been doing extremely well health-wise lately but still powering through.

Summary

Finished writing Chapter 5.5 (the new chapter in WSC)

Finished editing Chapters 6, 7, and 8 of Asher's path

Finished all the profiles for the GS lore book

Have started wrapping up the "side stories" and additional content for the GS lore book

Ramble

Okay so in my last update I was in the middle of editing chapter 5 and was nearly to the start of chapter six in editing Asher's route. I finished up chapter 5...

At that point when I was looking ahead, I started feeling like I wanted to add in a transition scene to move between Chapter 5 and Chapter 6.

As I started plotting out this scene, one of my ideas took on a life of its own and I realised that it might be better to interject a new, fleshed out story incident that would allow me to slow the pacing as well as flesh out the setting and universe a little more. This incident would also let me tie into some earlier events and connect them to something that occurs in chapter 6, also foreshadowing the chapter 6 incident.

Ultimately, this became too much to call a "scene" and I decided to branch it off into a supplementary chapter (IE a chapter a bit shorter than the others and meant to be released along with another chapter.)

Then that chapter ended up being 30,000 words.

So that happened.

After finishing that I went on to finish editing chapters 6, 7, and 8. I am currently on chapter 9. I only have a few more chapters before I'm finished editing Asher's path. As always, during my edits, one of the main things I do is flesh things out.

So obviously the word count has grown from that (and, you know, the 30k extra chapter I invented).

Currently the word count is 468,000 words.

Other Stuff:

I have received several new BGs and a new BG sketch. BGs are continuing to come in at a fairly steady pace.

I now have all the BGs for The Ophelia and the artists are working on other locations finally. OwO

I've also been, here and there, doing small tweaks to the sprites, small additions and fixes.

Gilded Shadows:

As I mentioned, I finally got through all the character profiles. There are so many more characters than I remembered in this game.

Then I got halfway through and realised that I forgot five. And had to insert them, which...meant rearranging pages, which is a pain in the butt. However, that is now complete.

What I'm working on now is finishing up some of the short stories and drabbles I have planned or partially written out and getting them into the lore book. 

As well as gathering any other content. The lore book is currently about 350 pages. And I am really hoping to wrap it up soon.

Upcoming Weeks:

Next couple of weeks I will be trying to wrap up the lore book and wrap up editing Asher's Path.

When I finish editing Asher's path I'll be moving on to finish drafting the end sequences for the four remaining characters. I'm starting to have an idea of where the word count is going to end up but will have a better idea for sure when Asher's edit is complete.

I have written over 100,000 words since mid-August, just plugging away and trying to hit at least 1000 words a day.

I hit my year end word count goal of 466,000 words for When Stars Collide but unfortunately did not finish the draft because the draft has grown in size.

But I am really hoping to finish it early next year so we can fully move into phase 2 of When Stars Collide.

I am also hoping to get the final KS stuff resolved for Gilded Shadows early next year as well (the lore book, art book, and some residual art and stuff).

For now, I shall just keep plucking away at it until it's all done.

And that is all for now. I will see you all next year.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla

[honeyandthunderstorms]

Hello there dear, I just wanted to you to know that I have been fangirling over closer I get, can you resist? for some time now. I normally tend to avoid stuff where both of them are not drivers (one of them being an f1 driver though, that is my jam). But I read can you see right through me?  and I was hooked and wanted more, because that was some peak angst. So good, now I can not unsee this Daniel Charles angle it is forever written somewhere on my brain. So that is how I got to closer I get and it got to me with the first few chapters. Like it is such fun take on their dynamic and I the way you write pining/grovelling Mas is just so precious to me (also his obsesion with Charles while not realising that he is in fact obseses with him before they even got together, yay). And the way Charles is confused at every nice thing he does, it just made me swoon for them. They are just so good for each other in that fic. How both of them actually handle the thing with Pierre like mostly adult humans. Your writing is so good, it just flows so nicely. You get the characters across so well. So yeah, just came here to gush about you and your writting for a little while. I do have a question though, do you have any other projects in the pipeline? And a second one, how do you manage to have multiple wips at once (I would cry)?

hello loveeeee 🫶🏼

I’m so happy to hear how much you’re enjoying it so far 🥹 it’s the first fic I’ve really let myself continue to indulge in and write (longest fic I’ve written to date). so it means a lot to hear whenever anyone likes it so thanks a million for this ask 🥹

and ugh, can you see right through me? rewired something in my brain when I wrote it. I do not know where it came from, but I’m so glad to hear you like that one as well. it was my first lestappen fic that I wrote (even if they’re only in it at the end 😅) so it’s very dear to me.

now, for other works, I have so many in my drafts, but they’re all one shots for now. I’ve been sitting on a Miami GP fic literally since Miami… but when it comes to lestappen, they really do get my brain juices flowing and I always have ideas to think of. though, my main focus is getting my main 2 fics pumped out before I super worry about anything else. of course, if an idea strikes me so, I must write it hehe 🤭

and onto having multiple wips at a time, it is a pain, trust me. I do cry a bit bc I feel I'm not being completely fair with updating both. however, CIGCYR, is already mapped out completely and just needs to be written. usually I am a go with the flow writer so I’m very happy to at least have an idea with where I’m going with that fic.

thank you for your support, honey. it means the world. also thanks for spending your time to send this. much love 💗

[androids-insides]

Woah. Forgot I had this.

It’s a while dated, namely because I wrote this after I watched Series 2 and the whole Coffee Theory was going around and I wanted comfort with the ending, etc.

Just getting it out of my drafts, I guess. (Since I’m busy doing stuff)

Good Omens, Final Fifteen and Series 3 Theory

Spoilers, if that’s still relevant??

One of the two questions I always ask people when I want to talk about the show is:

“What of Aziraphale at the end of Season 2,”

and

“Where do you think the story will go in Season 3?”

Im gonna write about the first one 🙃

“What the f&@$, Aziraphale??” Is what I said, verbally, after I watched the finale of Season 2: all of this building on both sides, all of this work and very obvious something between the two, and you up and leave?? “That’s out of pocket, even for you!!” After a lot of valid points from other people, and some looking of my own, I have found a concrete answer on what I think to have happened. (This is all personal theory and not, in any means, factual)

First of, I’d like to say that I don’t entirely agree with The Coffee Theory (the impression that the Metatron spiked the coffee he gave Aziraphale, with something that is controlling his mind, to my understanding) While, if it were the case, I wouldn’t hate it, I just think there’s too many variables that make it seem kind of outlandish. If the Metatron wanted him to be “under control,” I think he would just miracle it. I’m not entirely sure if there’s some rule that angels can’t miracle angles, and vice versa with demons, but Aziraphale and Crowley did miracle “Jim,” which did affect every other angel and demon, so I don’t think it’s impossible. Not to mention that the Metatron is the closest angel to God herself, so he could rightfully do whatever he wants and get away with it. So, why go through the extra steps of putting it in a coffee? It seems tedious, and sort of strange that he’s forcing Aziraphale to make the decision. Like most of heaven, I think his goal is to manipulate, rather than to physically control.

I see the coffee as a sort of bribing point. With my extensive “research,” we’ll call it, in manipulation, I see this as an act to take his guard down and a way to earn trust: Trojan horse your way in. “No one who is evil would offer gifts!” From there, you just offer him what he wants. “He stopped the end of the world last time? Give him a spot in head office. Let him think he’s in charge and can make a change. In fact, let’s throw in some torture, and ironically have him help plot The Second Coming, unable to stop what he has done after he realises that he can’t.” Yaknow, because he’s not tortured enough, or something.

In regards to it being his decision, rather than force, it’s not only a huge notion, but obviously a tragic one, which I think fits better for the narrative of the story. Aziraphale is likely thinking “I have an opportunity to fix the broken. The Second Coming is on its way no matter what, but if I were up there, maybe I could sabotage it? Help them see that this is morally wrong, wether God’s word or not - and I can have Crowley by my side through it all? That’s quite a perk! We always work so well together…” yada yada yada, he trails off on how in love he is. It’s not entirely that he chose Heaven over Crowley, I think, but more so he has chosen to fix the world to a point that staying with him is not a bad thing, as is his nature. He’s looking out for the future. Meanwhile, Crowley is thinking, “This world is ruined. There is nothing we can do to fix it, this opportunity is a trap. Our best bet is to run away - make our own world, where being together isn’t a crime. This is a lost cause, and as much as you want to, the truth is that you can’t fix it.” Yada yada yada, he goes off on how Aziraphale’s quirks and such are kind of annoying, but saying it in a fashion that’s a lot more along the lines of “but it’s so cute,” etc. If only they could communicate, but then there would be no story 🙃

The fact that it is his decision makes it a kajillion times worse, which I believe to be the Metatron’s plan in order to separate them, out of fear of what they can do together, ie. The Jim miracle. With that rocky of a send off, it will likely take a very long time for them to forgive one another, (Crowley to forgive Aziraphale) assuming that they even see each other again.

I’m not sure if I’m being apologetic to either character, or if I’m just making something up to feel better, but I really do think that this is what either of them were trying to get across with saying things like “You can’t leave this bookshop,” “Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever,” “no, suppose does…” I’m sure we’ve seen enough of what that exchange means to each other from either point of view.

Better yet, I am hopeful that Aziraphale has a plan: I have almost no evidence for this, other than hope and the end credits scene. I really didn’t want to believe Aziraphale to be the sort of being to be more willing to leave Crowley than to leave Heaven, but I did get myself thinking, as I do, and once I got to the credits, I knew that Aziraphale must have a plan of some kind, denial or not. I know for a fact that we can see every thought that goes through his head. He is very facially expressive. In the end credits, when he’s in the elevator to heaven, he switches very frequently between a depressed resting face, to a genuine smile, all lost in thought. He may be excited to have an opportunity to change things, and lead the people that used to put him down, yet depressed that he had to leave his beloved behind to do so. He may be overwhelmed with sadness, but is trying to keep a happy facade because the Metatron is right in front of him, but something really screams “plotting” to me. I hope he’s counting all the ways to burn Heaven into hell and back again. Scheming ways to turn Heaven on itself and to destroy it from the inside out. To return to Crowley, heavy with exhaust and mutter into his arms “God is dead.” Disclaimer, most of that is an over exaggeration. I don’t think Aziraphale would kill anyone unless he entirely needed to. Not to mention that I find the story reminding us that Aziraphale isn’t stupid, and actually makes plans on his own, being placed an episode before the last one to be a bit suspect, but I could just be looking into it too much 🤷‍♂️

When I watched the ending for the first time, I had assumed, purely by intuition, that Aziraphale’s plan consisted very much of Crowley, which is part of the reason he was so distraught when he didn’t want to go. To be fair, I had also gathered that Crowley was the star crossed lover, and Aziraphale wasn’t taking a hint, but that’s unrelated. I don’t have any concrete idea on what his plan is, other than some form of very strategic loophole trickery, which he does often on his own, and has gotten away with every single time without fail.

[a-soft-hornytiny]

Competition of hearts.

Summary: Working together with a competitor in a competition sounded like nonsense to you. Why should you risk losing your perfect score? At least that's what you thought before a tall golden boy made his way into your heart.

Word count: 4.5k+

Genre: Not sure tbh slight hurt comfort, mostly fluff, a bit suggestive in the middle haha

Pairing: Yunho x neutral!reader

Warnings: y/n's actions can be a bit annoying, making out, light fighting, a lot of nonsense (let me know if i missed something) be careful while reading.

Notes: ok wow, this is the longest story ive written on here. Half of it has been chilling in my drafts for like a year xD this is the story i published a teaser for ages ago and i finally had the motivation to finish it! I hope yall like it. Im not sure with it because long fics are not my specialty haha

Taglist: after the cut (let me know if you wanna be added)

-----------------------------------------------------

Dance was your dream. There was nothing you loved more than giving in to the rhythm and letting your body move along the beat. And there has never been something you wanted to do more.

So when all of your school friends decided to go to university, you went your own way. 

Yes sure, you could’ve studied dance. You could’ve gone to college. But you had enough of school and learning and exams and all of that stuff. 

And after running around and auditioning for all kinds of dance academies and dance studios, you got street casted through one of your free shows. It was nothing big. You always wandered around, a speaker in your pocket, settled down in a random place and started to dance. 

It was simple and you wanted nothing for it. 

But it eventually got you a step closer to your dream.

Ever since you were small, you participated in competitions. You loved being seen. Loved being in the spotlight. The applause made your heart beat faster and completely filled you with euphoria. 

And that was how you earned your first money. The first rewards and prices were small, fit for kids and teens, but the older you got, the bigger the prizes for winning were. And after leaving school, you did nothing but train, work part-time and fight for 1st place. 

But at one point you slowly realised that you needed a sponsor to get into better competitions. They didn’t accept you anymore and you couldn’t even pay the entry fees. And that was hard because you had tried getting into academies and other dance focused companies. But you were rejected.

Until that one day this lady came up to you after you finished your street-performance, handing you her card and telling you that you should call her. Which you did. 

“What do you mean “collaboration”? Where is the competition if you have to work together?” You croaked after hearing the alighting news. 

About a week ago, you had entered a pretty anticipated competition which costed a lot of time and money to get into. Many famous dance academies and companies sent their best representatives to compete and you were one of them. 

Your company was by no means big or famous but when you told them about the competition and especially about the winning prizes, they helped you to get into it. And you did really well.

You passed the first four rounds at ease and you had to acknowledge that you weren’t the only one there that would deserve to win but you were confident in your skill and completed every stage with perfection. Because you danced alone. 

“It’s part of the competition! What do you wanna do? Leave?” Your manager and friend aka the lady that casted you on the street, bit back at you.

You had always danced alone. Even though you knew that collaborations were a thing and you would probably have to do one in the future you always avoided them and buried that thought deep inside. 

Being the perfectionist you were, you couldn’t handle it when anything was out of your control. Especially when it came to dance. You had control over your body. That was why you could go up on stage so confidently. Because everything that happens there would be in your control, and if you made a mistake, which you hardly did, that would be your own fault. 

“No of course not! But why are they doing this?! If they do it in pairs they would have two winners!” You knew that complaining wouldn’t change anything but you needed to let go of your anger while you were still coping with the idea of a collab inside of your head.

You would have at least appreciated some warning, some time to think about it. But instead they decided to inform you on the day you should be starting to work on your choreography. 

“‘Your partner will be here soon’ my ass!” You mocked the way your manager came in earlier. “A little more time for mental preparation maybe?!” You threw your water bottle against the wall as you were still raging about the fact that you’d have to work with someone else. 

It was not like you hated the idea. It was just too sudden. You loved to work with others, sharing your ideas and creating something beautiful but in a competition? And so suddenly? It was just a little overwhelming for you. To your demise, you heard a door open.

“Are you Y/n?” A soft voice appeared from above, making you look up from your feet. Your face was red and tears were burning in your eyes, not the nicest picture for the first meeting. 

“I’m Yunho! I will be your partner for the collaboration round. Nice to meet you!” 

You were a little perplexed when you looked at the tall man right in front of you. He had his arm stretched out to you and a big smile on his face.

“Yes I am.. Nice to meet you too.” You hesitated before straightening your body and shaking his hand. 

After letting go of his hand, you tried to fix yourself by redoing your hair and wiping your face. At least you didn’t want to look like you just had an existential crisis. 

“I saw your performances! They were amazing, you are so good! I’m glad I got you as my partner.” Yunho’s energetic voice made you cringe. You didn’t mean to be mean but you were really stressed and couldn’t really understand how someone could be so positive right now. 

“Thank you..” You replied, looking at your manager for help. But Yunho seemed to notice that. 

“So uhm.. I heard you’re not happy with the current situation.” He started, clearly hesitant and careful. “But if you don’t want to drop out, there is nothing we can do. So I hope that we can make the best out of it?” He vaguely smiled at you while tilting his head. 

Oh wow. He heard your little rant. What a good start. 

“See, Yunho..?” You asked, continuing after getting his nod. “I didn’t mean it that way. I am a little… sensitive when it comes to new things. It’s not like I am against working with you, especially not you personally, I was just surprised and overwhelmed..” You explained, scratching your head in the process.

“I know it’s nothing personal against me, don’t worry. I just want to get the best out of this opportunity.” Yunho’s assuring smile was somehow comforting. He looked so innocent, kind and calm. And that helped you calm down before your Managers, Yunho had brought his with him, called you over.

“Have you done a collaboration before?” Your Manager asked Yunho as you sat down together to plan. Yunho nodded. “Good because our Y/n is new to it.” The way your manager talked, showed you that there was no harm intended in that statement. It was just the truth. And suddenly you felt a little childish.

You made such a big deal out of something so usual. 

Being the inexperienced one was weird to you. You had always been good at what you were doing when you worked with others. Of course you were teached as well and you learned a lot but it had been a while since you were the student.

“You’ll have one week to prepare for the stage. No crazy props. They want a performance focused on teamwork.” Yunho’s manager explained while giving you a list of things you could use. “We already talked Yunho through all the details on our way here so he will explain it to you further. We don’t want to steal more of your precious working time.” 

And with that it took five minutes until the studio was empty, except for you and your dance partner. 

“Well.. I guess we should stretch?” You awkwardly smiled at him, causing him to laugh.

Hours passed without you noticing. The studio had no windows so there was no daylight to show you how late it was. The bright lamps kept you from getting tired and the constant movement you were in made you forget about time. 

As the time passed you got to know another side of Yunho. At first you thought he was really playful and lightheaded but you figured out quite quickly that he could also be incredibly serious. 

His passion caught you off guard at first but soon enough you got into working space as well and to your surprise you worked really efficiently.

“So that would be about it for the first minute of the song. I think we should work on the rest tomorrow when we are a bit… fresher.” A smile broke through his seriousness as he wiped sweat off his forehead. You nodded, taking a big sip of water before packing your things. 

But the pace in which he changed from serious and hard working to goofy was just as scary as the other way around. As soon as you had finished packing and tidying up, he was already talking like there was no tomorrow. His voice went through ten different stages as he told you about that one time his friend from his company tried to stir egg whites with chopsticks for three hours, obviously with horrible results.

And if you were honest? It was relaxing. It was not like you were usually quiet. You could be really loud and talkative around the right people but you felt like listening to his stories made it a lot easier to break the ice. Even though it was thin already.

You were glad that he was your partner because you didn’t know if you could have worked so well with someone else. 

“And well. He even tried to get his friend to eat it but he politely declined the offer.” Yunho finished his story of the egg whites just as you left the building. 

“That sounds.. interesting.” You let out a small chuckle. “I bet he was not allowed into the kitchen any longer?” You guessed, making Yunho laugh out loud. “His best friend chased him out with a pan.” He confirmed your guess. 

His friends sounded amazing. 

You had friends at the company and some at your part time job but you weren’t really close with anyone particularly.

“Okay then. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Yunho said while getting in a car. And it took you a minute to realise that he was the one driving. 

You nodded at him before walking off in the other direction. He can drive? You wondered as you walked past the company building. It wasn’t unusual but you didn’t have a license so you were a tiny bit jealous. And maybe impressed. 

The following day was pretty uneventful. You met up at around 10am and started to work on your choreography.

You suddenly had a very good feeling about this collaboration. The day went by incredibly fast and after a shared lunch you even managed to finish the complete outline of the choreography. And you were proud because you genuinely liked what you had created together.

Even though you were extremely tired, looking at the short clips you recorded made your face lit up. 

The choreography was hard but matched the energy of the song perfectly.

“We should stop for today and work on the details starting from tomorrow. Then we’ll have five days to make it perfect.” You suggested, knowing that the hard work will start from tomorrow on. 

You both knew that the hardest part about this collaboration was yet to come so you agreed on having one last relaxing evening before hell would break out. 

“I could drive you home.” Yunho suggested as you walked out of the building. But you politely declined. “I like the walk back home.” You said, waving as you turned around. 

Well technically your way home was really long and quite exhausting, maybe even a bit scary this late, but you wanted to keep a little distance. You had already caught yourself staring at him for a bit too long sometimes and definitely didn’t want that feeling to get bigger. It was just so fascinating when he was dancing. You hadn’t felt this way in a while as you watched someone dance, so you figured that was why you got a little excited.

But you liked how it was right now. And you really wanted to keep this professionalism. How hard could that be?

“What’s wrong with us today?” You nervously laughed as you stood up to get into a normal position. It was the third time in a row that both of you couldn’t stay serious, immediately breaking into shy laughter as soon as you looked each other in the eyes. 

Oh you had been so wrong. How hard could that be? You were internally laughing at yourself. Incredibly hard. 

You thought the chances were low because you could stay in character. Just as good as Yunho. But you both seemed a little off.

“I have no idea.” Yunho laughed, taking a sip from his water bottle.

Giving up on that one particular scene, you continued with the rest of the choreography. And you got through that pretty well.

But you knew that something was off. You weren’t as concentrated as always. You caught yourself staring off into nothing and randomly losing focus way too many times in one day. And that was really scratching your productivity. 

“Maybe we should take a break.” Yunho suggested, making your cheeks heat up. But you just nodded in embarrassment. You were the main problem, and that was a problem for you. 

“Come on! Why isn’t this working?!” You groaned, repeating one of the moves for the 100th time. But it was still not giving you the effect you wanted. 

After finishing practice with an unsatisfied feeling yesterday, you wanted to make extra effort today. But that resulted in you getting upset over that one specific move you just couldn’t get right. 

“No no Y/n, a little more like this-“ Yunho demonstrated your already most hated movement of the month. But you couldn’t get it again. It was already late and you didn’t want to make him stay. It wasn’t his fault that you were failing. You were upset with yourself, not with him, so why make him stay?

“Yunho I think you should go home. It has no use. I don’t think that I will get it right any time soon..” You forced up a smile while lifting your head. But Yunho only tilted his head.

“But I have this bad feeling that you won’t sleep if I go now.” 

Bullseye. You were frustrated. You knew you shouldn’t let it out on him but..

“And what if I don’t? What are you? My mom?” You asked, surprising yourself at how annoyed that came off. You threw your towel against the bench, already feeling your anger rise. He needed to leave, or else this wouldn’t end very nice. 

“Sorry that wasn’t.. please just go home.” You were suppressing the tension in your voice, avoiding eye contact on purpose. 

“But you should-“ “I should what?! God Yunho. Just. Leave me. Alone.” 

You had turned around faster and abrupter than you actually wanted, making him flinch. He didn’t want to do any harm. And seeing his hurt expression made you want to apologise right away. But something inside of you couldn’t. 

Instead you just quietly watched him pack his back and walk out of the room with a “I’ll see you tomorrow…”

You had fucked up. And you knew that. But that didn’t stop you from doing exactly what he thought you would. 

You stood up all night, repeating the choreography again and again. Sure, it was harder alone but you felt freed because you didn’t have to worry about burdening someone. 

But that also made you forget to sleep.. or to drink. 

When Yunho showed up the next morning, finding you in the same clothes as yesterday, he sighed. He knew it.

You on the other hand were not really tired. Once you had survived that tiredness at about 4am, staying awake was quite easy. And it’s not like it would be the first time you worked through a whole night. 

And Yunho let it slip. Because it actually helped. You had overcome your problem and now 98% of the choreography was set perfectly. Just without Yunho. The missing variable. 

This day was rather productive. You went out to eat, meeting one of your co-workers from your part time job which caused a pretty embarrassing “who is that cutie” situation and got pretty far in your progress. And you promised Yunho to sleep when he left. 

But you kinda lied. Because you stayed up all night. Again. 

“Oh! Good Morning y/n! Why are you here so early? I’m usually fir-“ Yunho stopped talking as soon as you turned around. You looked beyond tired. 

“You didn’t sleep, did you?” His face immediately got serious, slowly getting closer to you.

You looked at the ground. You somehow couldn’t look him in the eyes. It felt like you were a little kid and he caught you stealing candy. 

“Listen Y/n.” Yunho’s voice was loud and steady as he grabbed you by your shoulders. You instantly looked up, finding his face right in front of yours. 

“This is a collaboration. It has no use when you can do the choreo on your own. We have to do it together.” He said, looking into your eyes way too intense. You felt ashamed but at the same time didn’t want to acknowledge that what you did was wrong. 

“But it obviously didn’t help when you tried to show me! And now I have the moves down so what’s your problem?” You responded, looking at him with the same intensity.

You shouldn't be fighting. You should just go back to to practice and let it slide. But you couldn’t help but stare at each other. You couldn’t see what he was thinking. His expression was unreadable and the silence between you two started to get more tense with every second. 

It was the moment you felt your eyes wander from his eyes to his lips and back that made you realise that you should definitely stop. You just didn’t notice him doing the same.

“I- we should just continue.” You said, your voice shaking as you broke the eye contact and turned around. But Yunho was definitely not letting you get away with that. You felt him grab your arm, turning you around. But before you could protest, you felt his lips pressed against yours.

Your eyes widened when you realised what he was doing. Why? How? Right now? Suddenly? Yes you had thought about this. Yes you had stared at his lips way too often but what? You didn’t-

You tried to push away as you felt those little annoying butterflies in your stomach but he didn’t let you. You couldn’t like him.. that would only end in problems. But his lips felt so good..

“Was it so bad?” Yunho chuckled as he gently pulled away from you. But you were way too overwhelmed to say anything. Instead you just managed to shake your head. 

Did that really happen? You looked up into his eyes, only to see a soft smile on his lips. 

“I guess we should start practicing now huh?” He laughed gently as he straightened his posture. And you didn’t know what drove you but now you weren’t gonna let him get away with it. He wanted to kiss you? Well then he should at least do it properly. 

“Bad.” You just whispered before grabbing him by his collar and pulling him close. “Come on. You can do better than that.” You smirked before pressing your lips against his again.

And he did better. It didn’t take long until you were pressed against the mirror, hands in his hair, legs around his waist. His lips tasted better than anything you ever had and his big hands that were holding you up were giving you an incredibly safe feeling.

“Fuck..” Yunho mumbled when you pressed your body against his. Your hips slipped a little further down, suddenly hitting something.. hard.

“Are you..?” You asked, looking down his body and up to his red face again. 

He just nodded, instantly letting go of you and turning around. “Sorry.. I didn’t mean to ehm get too invested haha..” He laughed nervously as he took a step back. “Let me go.. to the toilet real quick?” He took big steps to the door when he suddenly heard a thud behind him.

You had wanted to stop him and tell him that it’s alright but when you took a step forward, your vision suddenly got blurry. And then black. A thought shot through your head as your legs gave in. When was the last time I drank something?

You woke up to Yunho shaking your shoulder and as soon as you opened your eyes, he threw a water bottle at you. 

“I told you.” He just said while helping you get up. Looking at the clock showed you that you were only “gone” for about 10 seconds or so but your head was screaming at you as if you drank 6 bottles of soju. Alone.

You swore under your breath while shoving the water down your throat, feeling the headache getting worse already.

“Ok. You sit down on the bench now and monitor me. Get rest.” Yunho said in a stern voice while he began to stretch.

As soon as he started stretching, your mind went on a journey. Did that really happen? Or was it a dream? You still had the picture in front of your eyes, how he was holding you up against the glass, how he was pressing his lips on yours. But there were no signs of it happening. 

“Earth to Y/n, I’ll start now so watch.” Yunho interrupted your thoughts, making you watch him. You sat there for a while, head in the clouds, before you shook your head and interrupted him. He stopped mid movement and tilted his head.

“You’re right Yunho.” You murmured, eyes on the ground. “We only have tomorrow left since the competition is the day after. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn. Now I’m all exhausted and we don’t have enough time to make it perfect.” You felt horrible. Maybe it was the fact that you were heavily dehydrated but you were miserable. You would both fail and it was your fault.

Yunho had kneeled down in front of you and put one hand on your shoulder. “We can win this.” He said with a certainty you couldn’t explain. “I want you to go home now and rest. And I will drive you. No discussion." And you didn’t complain. You were tired. He had helped you pack your things before you went down, got in his car and left.

You don’t remember what happened after but you somehow ended up in your warm and comfortable bed.

The next day went by quickly. You met up. You practiced. You ate. You practiced. All the tension from before seemed to have disappeared in thin air, making you question if his lips on yours had really been a dream. But that was good. Because by sunset you both laid on the floor in your own sweat. Done. You couldn’t believe you had finished your choreography, nor could you believe that the stage was tomorrow. You looked over to your right where Yunho was laying. It was all thanks to him. 

Without him and his flowery personality you probably would’ve gotten more and more frustrated to the point of giving up. But now you were finished. It was complete. You felt complete. And as Yunho turned his head to smile at you, you felt thousands of butterflies in your stomach.

“The next team is Yunho and Y/n.” You heard the announcer through one of the speakers. It was time. You had decided to wear something simple. White shirt on white slacks. As you made your way up to the stage, your hands began to shake. Fuck you were rarely nervous, why now? 

However, all your nervousness disappeared as Yunho took your hand. Yes you weren’t alone, but somehow it felt good to have someone by your side.

“Let’s win this together!” He said in a calm but reassuring tone before you got into position to start. You nodded firmly. And then the music started. Electricity ran through your veins as you danced by his side. Everything around you was floating, you saw everything in slow motion. Every touch felt light and every move was effortless. Your breath was calm. And suddenly it was over.

If someone asked you about your performance afterwards you wouldn’t be able to say a thing. You remembered nothing except for the first beat of the song hitting your body. 

You were breathing heavily as your surroundings cleared up. Everything got louder, brighter, faster. You looked over to your partner. His eyes were sparkling as he scanned the crowd. You couldn’t help but smile. Oh how you loved this man.

Oh how I- you realised your own thoughts when the first jury started to speak. 

Your final score was 98.7. The best so far but there was one more team coming up after you. While you were sitting in the waiting room, watching the last team’s performance you remembered the thought you had on stage.

Love. Such a strong word. Then you looked over to Yunho who was getting water for the both of you. You hadn’t talked to him after you got off stage. When he asked if you wanted water you simply nodded before sitting down. Your competitors were strong. But not as good as you and Yunho were. 

He sat down next to you, giving you a cup, while the score of the last team was announced. Your heart was racing. You gulped down the whole cup. 

97.4.

You won.

In the one second it took you to realise what happened, Yunho had already picked you up and swirled you around. And right when he stopped, it settled. You had won.

Without a single thought in your head you pressed your lips onto his. You had won and it was all thanks to him. He was perplexed at first but kissed you back quickly. A rush of happiness struck your body as you buried your hands in his hair. Even as you separated, your eyes were locked with his. You needed to tell him.

“I love you Yunho.” You whispered, not sure if you said it loud enough. His eyes widened. “I-“ he stuttered. You could see the realization on his face as it lit up.

“I love you too!” You were blinded by the brightness of his smile as he spun you around again. But then you were interrupted by a sudden announcement.

“Congratulations Yunho and Y/n. You successfully made it into the last round of our competition!”

Last round? This should have been the last round! You opened your mouth in shock. Yunho was still holding you tight as you looked at him in horror, hearing the next sentence.

“Prepare to fight. Your next and last challenge is to compete with each other.”

-------------------------------

Tags:

@jonghoisbabie @multidreams-and-desires @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers-writes @serialee @crimsonbubble @cometoceantrenches @em--ilysm @deja-vux @kawaiiloli00 @ddeonghwva @aaaaajonghooooo @sansbun @cookies-n-joong @plonys @hijirikaww @nari-nim @yunkiwii @mingi-ivity @racheloveyunho @seongsangsgf @jhmylove @lizsvcks @yunhobabygurl @leoninadecorazones @kerra-that-one-random-fangirl @star1117-archives

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[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

hello i want to send some of those drawing prompts in but i know nothing about your ocs. would you mind telling me a little about them? general personality traits, theme song (if they had one), role, and whatever else you'd like :>

owo!!!!!! :D okay SO i have multiple different stories (many many many) but I'll elaborate on the two that are currently most in my mind (apart from the animal-centric one, #taira, which wouldn't work with those drawing prompts)

Um. Putting this under a read more because it's getting long. Gonna copy-paste the under-the-cut stuff into a reblog to my backup sideblog, tho, just in case. Trigger tags are for the second story, and only because they're mentioned as part of it but definitely not in detail.

#adira - the tag goes for both the story as a whole and the main character. in summary my beloved girl discovers the Bible (dystopia which has wiped out Christianity in that location and no internet so very localised an controlled) and has a crisis of faith while working everything out. that's the first book. it develops, but yeah. most of these characters start out in their early/mid teens. may be referencing later events because this series is likely to end up covering at minimum a decade of their lives to a greater or lesser degree.

Adira - has a temper (classic redhead), passionate and intense about many things, somewhat arrogant, very determined to figure out the truth of the world, somewhat a self insert (has ended up completely accidentally very visually similar to me xD ) . I don't know her theme song. She's the main character. I love her so much. I can talk endlessly about her but also I'm kinda mixed up atm with reading over past drafts and how she was portrayed then and how that'll change.

Tom - ALSO has a temper (ends up with significant anger issues/tendency to violence that require a lot of work to get over and nearly destroys his marriage), physically disabled (details to be worked out), has a bunch of health issues, significant self-hatred and attendant mental problems, tendency towards obsession, side B bi. Dunno if he has a theme song as I've found yet. He's a supporting/secondaryish/main character. Becomes one of Adira's closest friends and has a significant role in the first book. Has a nasty history that honestly has ended up more like grooming than anything else (he the victim). Is driven by determination and an iron will that will carry him almost beyond the point of endurance. I love this dude sm. Also he's possibly half Indian? Not certain yet tho. But yeah, I got a lot to figure out about his character. Incidentally he and Adira end up married (and yeah their relationship tips into toxic territory for a while before he gets pulled up short and forced to rebuild it; not entirely his fault but definitely mostly). Obviously I need to work on that bit too but since that's plenty beyond the first book I'm more working on setting up foreshadowing and his character so that he'll develop into that sort. (I love him but he Sure Has Issues.)

Emily - uhhhh she's not particularly fleshed out yet xD She's Adira's adopted sister, but they're not especially close anymore (they grow closer over the course of the books, and were friends as small children). I had an idea for her and then I kinda a) realised it didn't fit with the rest of it and b) yoinked the best bits of her character for a different story which I'll expand on once I've done with these ones xD Anyway, she is good and kind and sweet and gentle and I love her. Her only real faults are rather Jane-Bennet-ish at present, and also that she's too ready to agree unquestioningly with those she trusts. In later books she goes through a crisis of faith and quite literally nearly dies as a result (there's a fun bit in there where the other characters on the scene realise that they don't know if the danger she ended up in was accidental or deliberate (it was accidental) and others go through Many Emotions as a result; they're all in a hard spot at that point with varying mental challenges). I found a theme song for her once but I can't remember what it was. She's a side/secondary character.

Dorothy - Adira and Emily's mother. She's somewhat similar to her daughter, but without some of the emotion to drive her. Pretty cool and calculating, but with a great warmth underneath. She's repressed her emotion for years and years in a mildly abusive family situation (her husband Theo is horrible and I despise him). She helps Adira to figure things out, with the help of a friend she introduces Adira to (Mr Saunders). I feel like I don't have a great handle on her character specifically, just Vibes.

Mr Saunders - he's ended up being a main character of the short story collection I call on here #suh, because two of the five stories (including the longest, at 23k) deal with him as a main character. (That short story collection is to be self-published in ??? once I finish editing it. his stories are tagged #story:wcb and #story:preacher (tho I'm not sure the latter has anything tagged as yet.) Anyway I've got it professionally edited I just need to go through that and then one more round of edits and then it's formatting and printing timeee.) Anyway, he's old and slow and very very gentle and kind. Like Dorothy, there are depths to him. But he loves deeply and has been hurt and yet those hurts slip off him like water. I love him so much and wish I could meet him in real life. He's the only one at the start of the story who is already currently Christian (in secret tho, and his ending is... I have Thoughts on that), though he's introduced mid-story. He's v important to Adira's development.

Neil - this dude has been severely depressed for YEARS okay he's my darling even tho it's mostly his own fault. Originally heavily inspired by Loukanos from S. J. Knight's A Time To series (fantastic 10000/10 would recommend, especially the first book). He's a doctor. He's Emily's biological uncle, her only remaining biological family. He has terrible hurt in his past, and he dwells on it and grows rancid over it. Incredibly bitter and lashes out. Not sure when he's gonna be introduced in-story, I know by what time I need him in the book but I dunno when he'll be introduced. He also has trauma/resentment around Christianity that he has to work through. I need to flesh him out better.

Giselle - we only learn her name closer to the end, when she and the story part ways. Her tag is #the evil spychologist. Not a typo, and for a good reason. Anyway, I adore writing her scenes and interactions with Adira. Shows how much I love writing stories where the main character is aware that they're being manipulated. Her character as herself isn't particularly apparent (she may show up later in the books or she may not) she's more a front for the evil government.

Those are the only main characters I can think of at this instant, but other side characters include Rosalind (kind of love interest for Tom at one point, it's complicated), Elton (can i punch his face can i PLEASE punch his face), Merry (either Adira or Emily's friend from <extracurricular>), Sandra (Dorothy's friend w a family), Rick (the resident Good Atheist), [name] (I forgot her name rn but she was Adira's friend from IMI, becomes an archivist like Dorothy and later meets Adira again. looked conservative and quiet and happy and whatnot in school and when she meets her again she's sporting a smart blue haircut, incredible heels and long sleeves...), and not to forget the twins Adira and Tom unexpectedly adopt with zero notice in like the fifth book xD their names are Faith and Hope. There's also another Faith (hehe spoilers but I love her sm).

oh crumbs I forgot Tom's entire family. Anyway there are a bunch of them. Alison (mother), can't remember his dad's name, and the kidlings are in no particular order Norah, Elizabeth, Katy, Rufus, Andy (he's importanter), Rufus's twin uhhhh can't remember his name, I think that's all the kiddos. I named each of the girls after a character I love lol.

ANYWAY I think that's all the summary of that particular series. moving on to the other which has a much smaller cast and is very character-driven

#vaniah - this tag goes for both the focal character and the story. Basically a story of healing from trauma, partly using the vehicle of an arranged marriage to handle it. It's very strongly Christian, both main characters are Christians and their faith is the only thing that holds them through everything, especially Vaniah.

Vaniah - my boy is Traumatised. Partly this is his own fault/perceived as his fault bc he was pressured into things and feels later that he should've said no, and he deals with incredible guilt and self-hatred. It's an extremely dark story with a lot of dark themes (graphic on-page self harm at least once as well as description of scarring, lots of discussion of suicidal ideation, potential suicide attempt, mentions of alcoholism and a couple of instances of my boy being Quite Drunk, some level of mentions of adult themes and slightly suggestive content, though that especially I will handle as carefully as I'm able). However! there is light hearted stuff in there too and ultimately it's a story of hope and rising from rock bottom. Vaniah loves butterflies and will infodump for as long as anyone wants about them (and other things). I dont really know how to talk about his character because for most of it he's SO consumed with self hatred to a greater or lesser extent. I don't know, I'm not selling this very well xD Alexandra has done fanart of a scene from this story and I'm still obsessed with it.

Emily - I know she has the same name as in Adira's story. These were originally connected, and now she's different. I'm still using this name but that will change in time (possibly to Amelie? idk). She deals with an eating disorder which Vaniah also helps her with. She's sweet and very gentle but has strong feelings. Vaniah perceives her as very pure and innocent, though this in fact is not quite true. She's been through somewhat herself, and her hope and faith are more out of determination than come easy.

I could ramble on about these two forever but I have somewhat done so before probably (you could check the tags. the tag #emily does cover both Emilies tho)

Side characters include: Ben (Emily's brother), Camilla (his wife), [name] (Vaniah's sister), uhhhhh there are probbably more I'm forgetting rn

Please ask me for any details or clarification or ask about anything to do with anything! :D

[monsterkissed]

You said you liked to share BNGN trivia, so you got any tidbits?

some assorted trivialities (spoilers for a fanfic up to the latest chapter):

the fic was originally envisioned (and partly written) as a series of drabbles! if i had kept that going, it would currently be 5,376 drabbles long.

tiramisu was written into the outline entirely as bait/tribute to my partners, who are big siamese fans. she is now the most popular oc i have ever made for anything. i considered writing an origin story fic for her back when there was a jjba oc zine in the works, but it fell thru and now it only lives in my head. it involves multiple murders : )

bngn is not phf-compliant bc i did not want to read it. to make up for this i promise to find other horrible things for fugo to go through instead <3

probably not news to anyone by this point but here is some explicit confirmation: the first prologue that opens the fic is not about doppio

there are so many cases of foreshadowing in the form of jokes or joke-adjacent statements at this point that i cannot actually remember them all. if you see me make a silly comment in this fic there is at least a 20% chance it's actually a very sneaky mean comment hiding behind the linear progression of time

when i first drafted the outline act 3 was much much shorter and had a few drastic differences. one of these was that polnareff (or at least one of him) would have survived to support the gang much as he does in the original VA, but i could not think of anything fun for him to do that didn't detract from everything else, or at least nothing more fun than the inexplicable spectacle of two dead polnareffs after all of the build-up towards him. rip, rip.

speaking of fun: i wanted to have every major character get at least one really cool moment, regardless of how central they were to the story. i didn't want anyone to feel like you could cut them out completely and it wouldn't matter, i wanted to keep that ensemble feel of VA and give everyone room to affect the story in important ways, even if the fic still obviously has its focusses. of the ones i've published so far, i think i like mista's intervention in the Trish & Dop vs Fugo fight best out of those moments because i just had so much fun writing and visualising it and he felt like a natural fit to provoke fugo's own position in the story as a person fixated on the objective facts (which he was canonically Not Wrong about, in terms of sticking with bruno being a dubious plan for anyone fond of staying alive) to face off against someone who operates more on vibes and rolling the dice.

way back in the depths of drabble-draft the flashbacks were going to occur chronologically, followed by the present day stuff. but as i became aware that this was growing into something i realised that this would be stitching two pretty drastically different fics together back to back, and decided instead to use the current format. in theory this was purely going to allow me to show doppio's relationship with diavolo alongside his absence from him, so we can see simultaneously why he values and misses him so much and what he's becoming without him. in practice it led to a bunch of smaller changes that built up into, among other things, the premise of the entire canon divergence. technically, all of the flashbacks in act 1 and 2 "take place" during ch. 30. there is an implication to this that so far nobody has commented on ;)

i spent an amount of time researching macdonalds in italy that i will never ever get back

speaking of researching things that don't matter to anyone but me: everywhere a major scene happens is based on a specific spot i hand-picked on google maps. i roamed a lot of italian countryside via satellite trying to find the Exact kind of big, ugly, concrete-floored farm i had in mind for the first secco fight

technically this fic (or at least the extended universe around it) has sorbet and gelato VA-style origin stories to go with their fanstands (which i had a lot of fun with, workshopping around ideas for things that would make for excellent and suitably juicy assassination tools but vulnerable in a stand vs stand battle). much like tiramisu, so does my second stand-using oc brodo (who also cameos in 'I Think We're Alone Now', because skulking around trying not to be noticed is his speciality) the third, katarina, is only mostly goncharov-inspired, and Heart of Glass was originally going to be one of the chapter titles for this fic. another song with a very similar title still will be!

i had no intention of narancia being as big a presence in the fic as he was, but the longer i wrote the more i realised that he's just too fun to put in a room with doppio. the scene where he accepts the truth made me feel genuinely like a bit of a horrible person because i'd enjoyed building up their friendship so much and it was one of those chapters where i knew Exactly what the character would want to do and exactly why it would be the thing that would hurt them the most.

when i was hammering out the outline for what would become this fic an artist i had been following released a song that i put on in the background while i wrote, and then stopped writing and went back to listen to it properly twelve or thirteen times because it was eerily vibing perfectly with some of the themes i had been kicking around in my head trying to make something out of. it put a few seeds in my head in the way that some things serendipitously do, so much so that i almost named the whole fic after it. in the end, i decided to affix it to just one chapter where i felt it would best set the tone for the imminent descent to come. that chapter would be chapter thirty-eight.

[kittynomsdeplume]

Writer Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @morganlefaye79 and @thedastrash.

Do you write in order?

For one-shots, I usually do. Beyond quickly noting down one or two sentences that might have already formed as I was thinking about a concept/prompt.

I hate it though, this compulsion I have to write linearly and I've been working to try and break the habit. To allow myself to skip over parts i'm having trouble with and come back to them later.

For multi-chapters fics though, I might have random bits and pieces in each chapter written if there is a set piece that I know is going specifically into that chapter.

Do you start with something in particular?

The beginning!

Generally when I'm starting, I might only have a vague idea of what the overall piece is going to be. I might know the beats I want to hit, but not exactly how I'm going to depict them.

Sometimes I might have just a very vivid moment, something I want to show, or even some lines of dialogue that the whole piece evolves from, so they might get put down first, but then I need to go back and think, well, how did they get here? And that's usually the point where the seeds are lain for a very simple concept to blow out into a 10K word fic 😑

How fully formed does your writing come out on the first try?

I would say it's fairly well formed. Another bad habit I have, where I struggle to move on if each sentence doesn't sound quite right. Eventually I get frustrated enough to carry on, usually. I am getting better at just letting go and keeping the momentum going, but it's ridiculous how easily I fall into old habits.

I'm always annoyed at myself too when I realise I've been sitting agonising over something for thirty minutes, and every time I'm like, 'Oh, you should just move on!'. It always seems like this novel thought too, like I've never considered the possibility before.

I feel like all the sensible things I've learned over years of writing, just completely disappear from my head when I'm deep in the midst of writing.

How many drafts do you go through?

Pssh, I really have no idea. I have a tendency (and it's probably a bad one), to write a bunch of stuff and then come up for air. At that point, I sit back, go back to the start and read everything over, editing it as I go.

I also do this frequently when I'm really stumped and can't figure out how to move the story forward.

So depending on the length of the story, and how much trouble I had getting it all down, I might have been over it five times, or fifty times before its done.

The one benefit to this though is that, when I am finishing up the end, or the last tricky passage that I was struggling with, I know that the rest of the fic is probably pretty solid by that point. It's a nice relief to know that I can just publish the story and finally forget about it 😆

Tell me about your process?

Pretty simple to be honest. Have obsessive thought - furiously type obsessive thought into document. Then spend days, or a month in abject agony, trying to build a coherent narrative around that thought.

Sometimes I'll be reading shit posts from fandoms I don't even know anything about, and I'll have a thought like, 'Oh that's such a blorbo vibe.'

Truly though, so many of my fics begin with a thought like, 'Wouldn't it be funny...' and I imagine some truly bonkers, crack nonsense. So then I start writing it, cackling with glee, and somewhere along the way I think, 'Wouldn't this be better if they were suffering?'.

I also spend an absurd and probably unnecessary amount of time researching all manner of things. Again, I'm always annoyed with myself at the end of this process too, because its hours and hours of deep-diving on some topic, which ends up being like three words in the final fic 😅 Or even worse, all that time spent and then I go, 'Ahhh, ya know, I changed my mind, I'm not even gonna mention this particular thing in any event.'

No-one really needs to know the type of flora that grows at a specific altitude, in mountainous regions, during a certain period of the year and in a particular hemisphere/geographic location - IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR SMUT FIC KITTY! 🫣

Researching other people OC's however, is never a waste of time. I need to absorb their essence before I can even contemplate writing them. Otherwise I just get extreme anxiety and can't write anything at all.

As to the nitty gritty, I am 100% a pantser. I don't really do outlines or anything. I have the concept in my head and I just sit down and start writing it. The only notes I would make are if there is very specific plot points, or details I need to remember. Say like the age of a character, or the time of year its set, or something significant about a location etc. Sometimes, dialogue for a later scene has formed perfectly in my head and I don't want to risk forgetting exactly how it went, so that gets noted down.

Beyond that, I don't always know exactly how a story is going to play out, I just feel it out as I go.

I actually sat down and outlined a whole long-fic once, and by the time I was done, I no longer had any compulsion to write it. Knowing what was going to happen sort of robbed me of the excitement of discovery so... I try to avoid over-planning fics now because I don't want that to happen again 😅

Tagging: @sidhelives | @charlatron | @noire-pandora | @rosella-writes | @dreadfutures | @isk4649 | @queenaeducan | @cleverblackcat | @pikapeppa | @charmcity-jess

[scamanderishredmayniac]

Ten First Lines

I was tagged by @uefb thanks for the tag. I just realised I don’t really have many fics posted online, most of them are WIP and still in my drafts. Some will probably never see the light of day, and nearly all of them or at maybe just most of them are written for my own amusement or entertainment. Even with those in my drafts etc I still probably have less than 10. I’ll probably add a few Harry Potter fanfic as well as Fantastic beasts stuff just to make up numbers. I’ve also noticed while going through half the fics for this post, that I don’t even know where half the stories are going, most of them are just ideas my head throws at me, so they’re just a bunch of idea with unknown destinations. Just because the ideas seem good when they pop into my head. Lol! Anyway here goes.

Rules: Share the first lines of ten of your fanfics and tag ten people. If you’ve written fewer than 10 fics, don’t be shy and share anyway. If you’re an artist or meta-writer, feel free to find a way to participate if you’d like. :) (notice I took out the word recent, because if I just post ten lines of recent work only, then I’d have even less to share).

1. Fantastic Beats and Where to find them: Of Beasts and Monsters

Newt rubbed his face as he looked out over Paris from the rooftops of the crypt.

I have one chapter posted on ao3, and trying to write chapter 2, I’ve started it, but it’s not going well. Lol! Newt is keeping secrets from Tina, one she shouldn’t know about and could land him into trouble and cost him their relationship.

2. The Magizoologist And The Human Mini-beasts

Newt stood transfixed at the scene before him with regret.

I posted this one somewhere on tumblr, but can’t find it through the tags system. It was part of the fantastic beasts week event from 2020 I think. The prompt for that day was to do a Fantastic beasts crossover with something else. This was a one shot, crossover with Kindergarten cop. If anyone has seen that movie, you’ll recognise the scene straight away. This one was a fun write. I may make it into a full story instead of just a one shot in the future. We’ll see. Tina is poorly and Newt is made to take on one her cases, but Newt’s not sure he wants to, and questioning what he’s doing there.

3. Letters From Home

Tina woke to the sun streaming in through the window, the light dazzling her eyes as she fought to open them.

This one was for day 3 of the Fantastic beasts week 2020 challenge. While it is posted as a one shot, and can be read as a separate thing, it will eventually be a part of Fantastic beasts: of beasts and monsters. (I guess I’m cheating. Look it still counts ok). Tina gets a letter from Toliver after the Paris incident, Newt and Jacob try to comfort her.

4. Creatures

Newt and Leta were sitting in their usual place in the little room, where Newt had kept his creatures hidden from prying eyes.

This one was day 1 of my Newty November challenge, the word prompt had been creatures so I did a one shot here on tumblr. It should be somewhere floating around. I think I could find this one, so might share link to it some point. We’ll see. Its just a short little ficlet thing, where Newt and Leta are tending to a new creature they’ve just found.

5. Of magical creatures

Newt stood watching the group of people who would be his students for the next few weeks, perhaps a month or even a year.

This one lives in my drafts and still unsure weather I will actually post this one anywhere at the moment. I wrote this as a sort of fun bit of writing, more for myself than anything. I wanted to explore and AU where Newt is asked to teach and train a few adults on magizoology, as a career path at Hogwarts. Dumbledore is headmaster of the school and thinks there should be more magizoologists in the world, helping Newt’s cause, and suggests Newt uses the school to teach a selection of adult students.

6. Fantastic Beasts and where to find them: The Newt and The Salamander

The Scamander twins had been very close and had a strong bond growing up, but as of late things had changed.

This is one that will probably never see the light of day, and will probably stay in my drafts as a hidden story, just for my eyes only I think. I wrote this one for my own entertainment. As you can see another AU. It starts off with the incident with the jarvey and Newt’s expulsion from Hogwarts, as the catalyst for the twin’s fall out. But after the events of Paris Newt needs to stop running, and avoiding his sister and enlist her help to bring down Grindelwald. Bonds have been broken, but must be reforged in order to work together. Newt is guilt ridden, his sister is angry. They must put grudges and mistakes of the past behind them and work together.

7. The Ring

Newt tried hard to stand still as Theseus straightened his bow for the umpteenth time. He was starting to regret the whole thing.

This one is going to be a two part one shot, which is a work in progress that I’m half way through. It’s part of a February word prompt challenge I took up, but never really managed to finish on time. I was so busy with doing the challenge I was hosting, that I only managed to do this in dribs and drabs alongside the picture for part two and parts of the fic for part two.

8. The Dinner Date

Newt and Tina made their way to a table near the back of the restaurant, a waiter taking their coats and pulling out Tina’s chair for her as she made to sit down.

This is part two of The Ring, again from the same word prompt challenge. The story beginning above being the word prompt ring, and this one the word prompt being Dinner date. As I say I’m working on a fan art to go with this one. I thought i’d finished it, but realised there were mistakes to the artwork and need to fix it. And also realised I’d forgotten to add things to it, so I have to go back and fix the picture. Started the story to this one, but realised I need to fix a few things because I don’t know much about dating etiquettes, and now realised I’m going to have to change the plot a little. I actually started the ring one after realising I needed to change parts of this story. I needed to make this one interesting somehow, so the ring was my way of fixing the mistake on this one. The mistake to this story was supposed to help make things a bit more interesting, but after asking a friend’s advice, I realised it wouldn’t work. So the ring had to be a part of it to make it a bit more I don’t know. Give it back story I guess.

9. Halloween At Hogwarts

With it being the first of October, the weather was changing, and autumn was now in full bloom.

This is or was a spin off to another story I’m working on. Things are not going well at Hogwarts and it’s up to Harry and his friends to stop whatever is haunting the school. What starts of as a fun Halloween game, becomes a Halloween nightmare for the staff and students at Hogwarts. This is the first long fanfic I actually managed to finish. I’m really bad at finishing long stuff.

10. The Scrooge Of Hogwarts

The students had gone home for the holidays, which meant it would be peaceful and quiet at Hogwarts.

A one shot story in which Snape is visited by three spirits. A HP and Scrooge crossover, I wrote for Christmas. This was a fun one to write, some of my friends and colleagues thought it was a fun read too.

Wow ok I actually didn’t do too badly, I managed to at least find 8 Fantastic beasts related stuff to post first lines of. Not bad. I thought it would be less. From doing this little exercise, I have learned that just writing the first line of your story doesn’t promote it well. Especially if they’re short one liners. Eek! That’s why I added a little description after each one, to make them sound a little more interesting. Lol! Ouch!

Ok to tag 10 people, I’m not sure who to tag and don’t know if I know 10 people to tag. I’ll just tag one or two and then anyone else who wants to do it can do. I tag, @newt-and-salamander @afrenchaugurey @snapeysister (I don’t know if you do writing or not, but you can post pictures and fan art to stories you read if you like for the challenge). @themysteriousphoenix And that’s it, I can’t remember anyone else who writes. Sorry if I’ve missed anyone out. Even if I’ve not mentioned you, and you want to take part, then please do.

[not-poignant]

Lately I have been trying to learn more about story structure and have been rereading books I've enjoyed while trying to pay attention to the structure specifically. I reread The Gentle Wolf and was just wondering, if you don't mind answering, is structure something you make a point to think about along with character/plot while you're planning out novel-length projects, or is it more something that happens instinctually for you?

Hi anon,

Tbh the answer for both things is kind of true when it comes to novels? I've talked a lot in the past about how I use a 3-act structure, and A/B/C storylines, so you only need to go back into the pia on writing tag to see some of those posts that have more of an explanation.

But I also generally speaking look at wordcount. I work out that I want to write a 90k story (give or take 10k words) - which is a standard novel). I generally divide that number by 4.5k (average chapter length, give or take 1000 words) and that leaves me with knowing exactly how many chapters I have to tell my story in.

From there, I mostly focus on having each chapter not be too 'busy' (i.e. focus around one major scene. The only exception are what I call 'transitional' chapters, where time gets super non-linear and I just skip ahead through a bunch of smaller scenes), and cleanly getting through my plot points as much as possible. In the chapter plan, everything is extremely short-handed. An example of my The Gentle Wolf chapter plan looked like this (copy/pasting from my chapter plan):

AODHAN

Thomas visiting Little Star. Aodhan happy to see him. They chat, and Aodhan realises he likes Thomas (or has known for a while) but that it’s been 2 years and he’s probably missed the mark. Thomas expresses needing information for his museum and because Aodhan wants to establish more of a connection, he suggests his grandfather.

THOMAS

Thomas meets Aodhan at Iona’s house. Iona treats Aodhan badly and Thomas feels bad. Wonders how this is connected to Aodhan’s ‘absences.’ The information Aodhan has is good. Thomas marvels because he has zero connection to his own wolf family, as he was put up for adoption. Aodhan mentions loving shifting, asking if Thomas would ever do it with him, but Thomas redirects: ‘I don’t like the loss of control.’

AODHAN

Aodhan with Hunter, shifting, chatting about Thomas. Hunter says Aodhan should just tell Thomas that he likes him. Aodhan gets a call, and leaves to see his father. Later he lays in bed and decides the worst thing about him isn’t that he’s demisexual.

(These are chapters 1-3 - Tumblr's formatting is weird and I don't want to touch it, lol).

The entire chapter plan is 1000 words, and one or two chapter descriptions are only one sentence. When that happens, it means I know around that point I'll need 'more' but can't figure out what I need yet at the beginning of the story. I leave those chapters as kind of empty spots for me to put any extra stuff in that might be relevant at the time.

But anyway you can see from chapter 1 we establish the unrequited aspect of Aodhan's feelings for Thomas, as well as Aodhan's workplace, and Aodhan's family as historically significant. In chaptaer 2, we meet Aodhan's family, and we learn more about Thomas' issues with shifting. In chapter 3, we learn that Aodhan is struggling over whether or not to tell Thomas he likes him, etc.

The Gentle Wolf actually had pretty slow / gentle pacing on purpose. But I tend to go with chapter plans like this because I just want bare bones of the events that are happening, or the emotionally significant events. I've got friends who write really long chapter plans (they're basically just writing a skeleton draft), but I've always done it this way - leave them as short as possible, focus on how to make these basic points powerful.

I don't chapter plan most of what I write, and the more complicated a story is, the less likely I am to plan it out (with the exception of The Ice Plague). The reasons for that are that I've had 9 years of practice writing serials, and I actually feel like I'm stronger at winging it and creatively figuring my way out of dead ends, than I am at pre-planning a story. So that's where the 'both' part comes in. I will also throw out an entire chapter's description if I think of something better as I'm writing the story.

I would say overall structure is pretty innate in the sense that...I've read thousands of books. I've watched thousands of TV episodes and hundreds of movies. I've read thousands of fanfics over the years. And I've done university-level courses in Scriptwriting and Creative Writing. There's so many different ways to look at story structure (3 act? 5 act? 9 act? etc.) I am a character first writer always, for better or worse, and I am mostly just interested in following characters through a story.

I try and avoid reading too many books on 'how to write' but I do like Dan Harmon's Story Circle technique (I learned about it late though, not at the beginning) and I feel inspired by the way Studio Ghibli tells a story, and many fanfiction writers that I love reading. I also find books written by writers tend to be extremely rigid and 'do it this way or else' (which is annoying when you realise they're all teaching you different ways), and a little (or a lot - in the case of Stephen King) ableist. So I avoid em! I'm the first person to say I'm not a great writer, but I like what I write, and since the great writers aren't writing specifically for me (not enough hurt/comfort, not enough angst, not enough BDSM, not enough diversity, not enough sitting with characters as they just talk about stuff and figure stuff out, not enough non-sexual touch, etc), I figured I'd fill that gap ;)

If someone wants to be a successful author, I don't think they should write like me, so...I'm just going to leave on that parting note, lol. There's a lot of other authors doing it better out there, just be wary of anyone who says that their way is the best and/or only way.

[notmrskennedy]

Noticed

Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

A/N - Howdy! Here’s another little something from my drafts. It’s a draft and a half again so be gentle with it. Also, I’m touch averse and I would be so happy to find someone I wasn’t upset with touching. But c’est la vie! I hope y’all enjoy!

Summary - The touch averse agent starts getting touchy....

W/C - 2.5k

Warnings - none I think, but lmk if there is something

-------------

If Morgan was being honest with himself, he thought you were dying. Or maybe ill. Or so feverish you’d abandoned every single principle you had. Because he’d been there that first day of yours, waltzing up from the coffee machine to see you nervously trailing behind Hotch. It was painful to watch, he remembers, so terribly nervous you’d envy the kid on one of his bad days.

He had smiled at you and stirred his coffee and remained optimistic that someone so obviously terrified would be a decent field agent. (You’d been decent and then some, especially in an interrogation room). There’d been one non-committal wave—distinctly reminiscent of a certain genius—and the first full sentence of, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t do the touching thing. Handshakes included.”

Every little touch plagues you. You’re six inches away at all times, lest someone accidentally bump into you or get the wrong idea that you might be willing to brush shoulders. There’s no friendly pats. No high fives. Certainly no hugs. Garcia is furious in her attempt to loosen you up—to no avail—but Morgan knows better than to push. Something makes you hate skin to skin contact and he’s not looking to share trauma stories with you. Not yet.

So this, Morgan thinks as he wanders into the bullpen while stirring his coffee, is a sign that you’ve lost your mind.

He watches as you carefully extend one palm to one Dr. Spencer Reid. Perched on the edge of his desk, you’re a regular fixture, just another cute figurine to add to the collection. It’s the end to some wild discussion he could hear in the kitchenette, full of flailing limbs and butchered sentences. Everyone always thought it was cute, if you stripped away how irritating it could be.

This is the point where you two are caught up in whatever moment you’re having, so much so that you extend an upturned palm between the two of you. Reid threads his hands through his hair, stunned at your peace offering. Or maybe an offering of something more than friendship. Morgan assumes its something more; not only because you have the softest grin he’s ever seen, but because your fingers are practically begging the kid to hold your hand.

Reid’s careful in how he asks his question—Morgan doesn’t know what it is, but he can just tell. The wide eyes. The scared contemplation. The are you sure parting the kid’s lips.

Grinning and blushing, you just wiggle your fingers. Murmur something that Morgan isn’t allowed to hear. Something only for Spencer. There’s surprise before he grips onto your hand, wriggling all ten combined fingers together. You giggle as you spin him around in his desk chair and get tangled up.

Dropped jaw and grinning, Morgan can’t believe you, so touch averse you, are willing engaging in such risky behaviour. There’s a weird few moments when he wants to remind both of you to wear protection in such endeavours.

And as he’s wondering if hands need condoms, the two of you let go and move on like nothing’s happened. You go back to punctuating your points with your flailing hands. Spencer goes back to distracting from his blush with paperwork.

Morgan goes to get more coffee, trying to stop imaging that you two were his kids, growing up without his consent. And maybe also the hand condoms.

#

It’s shortly after JJ’s wedding—about midnight as the cleaning crew are picking up the straggling drunks—both Hotch and Rossi notice. They’re leaned up against the bar, each smoking a cigar, watching a slightly tipsy you teach an awkwardly sober Spencer Reid how to swing dance.

It’s no secret that you and Reid get on like a house on fire, two nerds that couldn’t shut up about whatever weird ass shit was on your brains. Rossi never made much move to care. Hotch was too stressed to think about what the pair of you did off company time. Everyone, them included, imagined that what time you did spend together was three feet apart. In museums. Wherever. No one questioned what kind of weird nerd shit you did, especially stuff that they couldn’t really be bothered to care about.

Now, they’re forced to carefully consider the implications of how touchy you’re getting. With Reid.

He’s even more gangly and uncoordinated than normal, as Hotch and Rossi watch on, getting thrown around like a rag doll. It’s kind of adorable, Rossi thinks and shares a well meaning look with Hotch. The two of you would be cute and he’s hoping that you do get together. Rossi always knows about these things, even if Hotch is positive that you two are just friends. And as two professional gentlemen do, they made a bet.

Twenty bucks.

Your laugh—one that no one gets tired of hearing—echoes around Rossi’s whole yard, even into his house. Reid’s voice is about two octaves too high as you spin him around on his wobbly feet. You go from three feet apart to chest to chest and back again. Rossi remembers high school dances vaguely and Hotch absently thinks about Hayley’s old infatuation with Grease.

Rossi takes another long drag from his cigar, grateful for the indisputable proof that you two are shacking up. There is no way that two people so touch averse could be touching this much without prior exposure. The yard is a ruckus of both of your laughters, year after year of awkwardness falling off you both in sheets. They’re no denying you two shut in nerds are finally having some fun.

It’s warming both Hotch and Rossi’s hearts.

And their bet.

#

Penelope notices next. Who knew that such a simple interaction could leave her speechless? Stammering and stuttering over not even a full minute of insanity.

She didn’t know how she’d gotten sick, or what she’d come down with, but the only thing that was keeping her in her work chair was you. And the endless buckets of soup that you kept pouring down her throat. Without a case—thank god—for the last couple days, all that you’ve done is sit in the bat cave, keeping her and her soup warm.

It’s as you are finishing some corny ass joke that she thinks how sweet you are. How loving. Penelope’s love language has always been touch—she’s given too many hugs to count—but it’s taken her a minute to figure out yours. And as she stares into the chicken soup in her hands, she realises that it’s everything you do for her. Your love is literally palpable.

It’s in the bright keychains you bring back. Or the crazy pens. Or the way you always drive her home after drinking.

As she’s opening her mouth to tell you, tell you just how much she appreciates everything, when Reid pops his head in, whole body following. He’s got too much of a grin this early. But when he’s far enough into the room, he spreads his fingers out over your shoulder and squeezes. Says something about a case and you follow behind him with a wave of your hand at Penelope. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Like Penelope hasn’t been the one furiously trying to break you out of your shell. The predetermined first to get a hug in the office.

You’re still up and still waving and by the time she’s got her wits about her, she’s asking, “You let Reid touch you?”

The empty room and the closing door don’t answer.

#

JJ is nearly the last to find out. Well, your little touching relationship with Spencer has been the only topic of gossip between anyone for the last six weeks. They can’t believe they hadn’t picked up on the little bits of affection passed between the two of you.

Hand touches. Shoulder squeezes. Quick brushes. The mystical hug Morgan claims he once saw.

For the rest of the world, you and Spencer were nothing but friendly. Maybe even best friendly. To the team of highly trained profilers who had been friends with the pair of you for a combined 15 years, this was marriage material. This was you and Spencer screaming the pair of you had eloped.

You two crazy kids had to be together, but the team was left to sussing it out for themselves. Neither of you two would ever say anything, never give anything up. But surely, the three of them—using Penelope would be cheating of course—could figure out when you two had started up. Because you had to have. There was no way all of this was just friendly.

And it isn’t. That much is clear when JJ gets a phone call from you while she’s looking a crime scene over for what feels like the gazillionth time. Some un-sub with the usual cocktail of daddy issues, anger issues, and a healthy dose of narcissism.

It’s rare you call anyone without good reason. You aren’t the type to just chat—everyone has speculated you got enough of that from Spencer. And once JJ says hello, you start bawling.

You’re sobbing and JJ has no idea what to do.

“Y/n, y/n,” she tries, hoping you’ll calm down enough to breathe properly. “You have to tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s—it’s Spencer,” you hiccup. JJ can hear you sniffling into your sleeves. Can hear the blinkers go as you change lanes. “He’s not answering—not answering his phone. And he said he’d—that he’d call, but he hasn’t. And JJ something’s wrong.”

By the way your breath hitches and your sobs crackle into the phone, JJ knows exactly how bad it has to be. Spencer, however, is supposed to be following up a lead with Emily. Some paint huffer in his mom’s garage—nothing more than a routine witness report. She almost can’t believe something would go wrong.

“What happened? Where are you?”

“JJ,” you sniffle before the flood gates open again, “I can just feel it. Something’s wrong.”

JJ’s mind scrambles. As much as you played it off, you had a sixth sense. Every time, every countable time, someone got hurt, you knew before it happened. You had a gut for these things and JJ didn’t want to think about how bad this was going to be. How bloody. So she scrambles for her car and doesn’t wait for the other detectives to figure it out.

JJ’s halfway to the witness’s house when you make it there yourself. You’re still on the phone, doing a horrible attempt at trying to keep each other calm. You’ve traded the sobs for hiccups, thankfully. JJ can hear you climbing the porch stairs. She’s taking corners at 65 miles an hour.

Nothing seems fast enough when JJ hears the phone clatter to the floor and the shout of “oh my god, Spencer!”

Nothing is fast enough when you’re sobbing out, “You can’t die on me like this.”

Nothing is fast enough when JJ quietly but distinctly hears, “I love you too much for you to fucking die, Spencer Reid.”

#

Spencer Reid always thinks he’s the last to find out. He’s blunt and oblivious and thinks too much to just see what’s in front of his face. He was so sure they had all seen how in love he was, just how desperately he was clinging to the hope they wouldn’t notice. If they didn’t notice, you wouldn’t. Not while wearing the same sort of blinders he wore.

But once everything had come out? He was positive everyone else had known. That he’d come into work one morning and there would be a cake engraved with the words, “Congrats on Shacking Up!”

It never happened. No cake. No lights. No surprises. No one seemed to know or notice or anything. Spencer and you went on like nothing had changed—it really hadn’t anyway. He liked to laugh when you told him the two of you had been practically dating since the first time he’d offered to take you to a Korean film festival.

Two years later and he’s become very aware of you. And also the ache. All of the very dull and consistent ache in his body. Another scar to add to the collection, he bitterly thinks, out of anaesthesia enough to know that he’s in a hospital. That he’s been hurt. That someone’s holding his hand.

It’s calloused and soft and just perfectly latched onto his. A hand he’d waited to hold for too long. One that he’d be holding for the rest of his life.

Attached to the hand is you, sleeping haphazardly between his bed and a plastic chair. Your fingers are tangled in his, head rested on the crook of your arm and the bed. There’s too much of you curled up in a chair. It’s one of his favourite bits about you, just how dedicated you could be. How you were always there when he woke up and always would be.

He smiles and chuckles despite the pain in his ribs. You wake with a start, one startled gasp followed by a shuddery exhale as you realise again where you are. That nothing’s changed. That everything’s changed.

Through lidded eyes, he watches your eyes light up, matching you grin for grin. He watches the anger flash across your face for not even a second, and he knows exactly how bad you want to murder him for scaring you so bad.

Instead, you press frantic kisses to the back of his knuckles, message fully received. You missed him. You’d been terrified. You’d cried so hard, he can still feel the salt on your lips.

“Spencer,” you breathe, giving his hand one more kiss for good measure and pressing his knuckles to your cheek. “God, I’m so glad you’re alive.”

“I’m alive, y/n, I promise,” he whispers back. Hoarse and adorably okay. It’s one thing to expect to get shot going after un-subs. It’s another to get attacked by a PCP addled grandmother.

He wiggles a finger against your cheek. Even though he can’t see your red rimmed eyes or the dark tear tracts on your cheeks, he can feel the tear that pools on his finger. But before he can reassure you one more time, you shush him and tell him to get some sleep and that you’ll both worry about this later. Maybe over jell-o.

He grins.

#

The team, visiting the next morning, doesn’t have the heart to wake up either of you. Reid looks happy for the first time in—years—with you carefully curled into his side. Sure, there’s a scratchy hospital gown and some pesky lines overriding everything, but it’s cute. No denying that. Thank god you two knuckleheads are finally being open about it. Even if you’re sleeping.

Emily smiles to herself as she readjusts her sling. Morgan and JJ are trading exclamations of shock, while Hotch passes Rossi twenty dollars. You readjust and Reid’s arm moves to rest across your cheek. JJ isn’t subtle when she takes a photo, sniggering.

Emily is even less subtle when she snorts. “I guess I can finally let the cat out of the bag.”

Everyone perks up; she swears she sees Reid open an eye.

“Nearly six months ago, y/n drunkenly confessed to dating Reid. She’s a real wild card on tequila, let me tell you.”

“You knew?” Morgan screeches, “and you didn’t say anything?”

Emily shrugs, winces with her busted up shoulder. “Does it matter? Didn’t we all know?”

[dorotharry]

tiny dancer ; chapter two

Pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

PROLOGUE | CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 3

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: torture, nightmares, angst, let me know if there's anything else :) 

Summary: After being drafted for the war in 1942, Bucky goes to the ballet a week before having to leave with his best friend Steve. There he becomes infatuated you with the prima ballerina of the show, and he just has to meet you before his last week in Brooklyn is up. He hopes one day you would meet again; little does it know it will be 72 years later.

A/N: honestly I have no clue where I’m going but I’m hoping you’re all still following. There’s still soooo much to go into readers past and yep, it’s gonna take a while but I hope you enjoy this. Please feel free to give feedback, like and repost it would mean a lot! :)

MY MASTERLIST

*gif not mine

1943

Your head felt groggy, as you woke up. Not enough energy from an ounce of your body to open your eyes for the time being. The more your body woke up from the darkness of slumber the more the pounding of aches and pains became less subtle and started to fill each and every muscle. You weren’t sure where you were or what had happened, but you suddenly became aware that your surroundings weren’t familiar. The air was too cool and there was an eeriness from lack of noise.

Finally, you were able to pry your eyes open. The colours swirled around you into one, until they became to create recognisable shapes. Although this wasn’t somewhere you recognised, just as your mind had thought even before getting to look around.

You were laid down on a metal ‘bed’ if you could even call it a bed. The coolness of the metal began to get to you a shiver running down your spine and you attempted to get up. Only to be restricted. It was now when you noticed you had straps holding your ankles, down, but not only this; there was a limpness to your form. In fact, you didn’t have any real connection to your muscles. As if a switch had been turned on in your head you realised, this wasn’t a bed. It was a table.

Suddenly your anxiety rose. In an ill attempt to do something you turned you head groggily to the left, only to be met with machines, and hospital devices. You took in a sharp breath. This definitely wasn’t a hospital so why the machines? Rolling your head to the right with just as much difficultly as last time you were met with darkness. The faint sound of feet shuffling in the distance, and the whirring of more machines.

Almost as if whoever it was had realised you were awake, a bright white light turned on above you causing you to groan from the sudden contrast to the previous darkness. The footsteps became louder, as whoever it was approached you from their hiding spot.

“Ah you’re awake,” the voice started, “you know you gave our men quite a difficult time back there. Are you going to behave this time?”

Your voice barely was able to respond, only a hushed whisper came out, “Who are you? Where am I?” This worked to rejog your memory as you saw flashes of men running after you, as you had leapt from this same table. You had gotten pretty far and fought back fairly well but this place… whatever it was; was a maze. Realising now that amongst being kidnapped and knocked unconscious. Your first attempt to escape was probably why you were in pain all over. A vision of a few men jumping on top of you and beating you unconscious. Again. That must have been why you were tied down this time.

“I think you know the answer to that.” the small man with glasses responded appearing finally out of the darkness. “…We’re HYDRA, and you y/n...” He spoke reaching under your chin in a condescending manner. “…Were firstly going to be a pawn against your stupid Captain America. But you’ve shown promise, something our other soldiers don’t have.  Neither your American ones. My guess is it comes from your ballet training.” He shrugged as he moved away from you, turning and looking for something. Suddenly his hand was on a switch and machines began to rumble.

“Please,” you responded choking on your own words, “please just kill me!” You knew something was coming, otherwise why would be so aloof.

He chuckled at your words as he stood behind you. “The red skull doesn’t want me to do that, he needs more soldiers, and that’s exactly what we’re going to make you.” And with that you saw a metal machine slowly being dropped down over your left eye, and below your right jaw, causing your panic to rise. As quick as the unbearable pain started, so did darkness.

Present day ; 2017

You woke up screaming as the pain of what had happened almost a century ago shot through your entire body. You fumbled out of bed in a sweat like you did most nights. Heading towards your small kitchen in your small apartment. It was filled with greys, no life within in, you felt there was no need, why celebrate a life with no life?

Your life had changed in so many ways after 1943. You were one of HYDRA’S many toys, the many men that surrounded you called you tiny dancer, but not in a kind way, in a misogynistic arrogant way. Most people at that time though saw you as a weapon, something to be feared of, and they should have.

After you had stumbled upon the Winter Soldier on a mission in 2014 working as a freelance agent having cut your ties with HYDRA mere months before hand, it was only a few months when so had Captain America. From what you had heard amongst assassins under the radar living in Madripoor like you, it hadn’t gone well for HYDRA and now the Winter Soldier was nowhere to be found, invoking fear within many who had made themselves enemies to him. But you were sure his best friend would be looking for him. Whilst you had decided to go against helping him, Steve was not that kind of person.

Time had not been kind to you, you were no longer the frail girl who could fall in love in a week. In fact, you weren’t sure if you actually could feel love anymore. HYDRA had to make sure there was no collateral. Still once you saw him that night you wondered how amongst your many years with HYDRA, how you had never run into Bucky: The Winter Soldier. You had heard of the winter soldier, but you never knew it was Bucky behind the ghost of a person. Probably on purpose, HYDRA had been in your mind. Tthere was no doubt they knew who he was to you back then.

Not only did it invoke these thoughts, but it had led to your retirement. Well not your retirement, you were still about 25 years old on the outside, and though nor Steve or Bucky knew you were alive you knew how it felt to be in their position.

Hiding out in your small apartment in Madripoor was where you had spent most of your life since 2014, staying on the down low in case HYDRA somehow re-emerged, looking for revenge on a project they had wasted so much time on. You.  

You weren’t sure why they were so surprised people like you hated them with so much anger. They had taken your life, Bucky’s life and made you weapons against your will. You didn’t hold their values, it was forced upon you.

You shook yourself from your thoughts again. You only got sentimental after nightmares, and the nightmares had been pretty continuous after seeing Bucky those few years ago, so really you were sentimental most mornings. You think it had something to do with seeing him and how it brought back memories you didn’t even know you had.

Reaching for a bottle of water, you took a sip looking over at the clock that read 3am. You groaned, knowing that you’d probably never have a good night’s sleep again. Terrible payback for a terrible past. No sleep for the wicked.

You shuffled yourself back to your room getting into bed and turning on the tv as a way to mindlessly distract yourself until you actually had to do stuff.

A few hours past until it was 7am, and you decided you could at least go for a shower before your day at work. Working at a bar that opened at 9am wasn’t exactly high class living; especially when you had to deal with drunks so early in the day, so it definitely required more motivation than most jobs. You couldn’t do what you were originally good at, dance. And you’d decided you probably shouldn’t be doing what you were trained for. Killing people.

Turning on the shower to allow it to warm up, you rid yourself of your clothes, suddenly aware of how stiff your muscles were after another bad dream. Stepping in you let the water try and wash it away, and though it did help you knew it would only reappear tonight in another form of a nightmare. You closed your eyes sighing in content, and it did last for a brief moment until you heard banging on your front door.

At first you tried to ignore it, but it got louder and more aggravated and suddenly your heart had fell to your stomach, resorting to thinking of the worst that could be behind that door. Getting out you threw some clothes back on. You reached under your bed grabbing your shot gun, holding it close to yourself as you slowly walked towards the door that had started banging again. Times like this you wished you had a peep hole to look through.

You turned on your best poker face and opened the door abruptly to be more hostile. Only you were met with someone you didn’t know, though for some reason you felt you recognised. On the other side of the door stood a woman all in black, her hair was in a blonde bob and for a brief second you thought you saw a reaction flash across her face like she knew you too.

“Is this y/n?” she spoke firmly and with poise.

You raised an eyebrow, “Why?”

“Is it?” she returned her poker face staying on her face.

“Yes.” You huffed, the half-amused face falling from your face, returning back to the glare you constantly wore. “Who are you?”

She raised her hand for you to shake her face accompanying it with a small smile, which you hesitantly took.

“Nice to finally meet you y/n, I’ve been looking for you under Fury’s instruction for a while, my name’s Natasha.”

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Taglist: (let me know if you want to be tagged)

@maybe-a-marvel​ @thatredlipped-classic​ @flightsandfantasy​ @7minutes-tomidnight​ @rebelemilu​ 

[reporterleroux]

Hi! Can you write a fic about ranboo and reader being best friends for literally so long, and finally meeting up? Thanks!

Finally meeting you

Characters: irl!ranboo x streamer!reader

A/N: Thank you for the request! Sorry about the time this took, I'm also working on another fic at the same time, I'm just excited to get a request lmao (Also the readers from Europe sorry if it's inacurate :,))

-------------------------------------------------------

You and Ranboo had been friends for the longest time, you had both got to know eachother so much you could read eachother like you were books. You met Ranboo through the Dream SMP, you were actually the first person to talk to him and give him a tour around. You kept talking since then, and were a regular visitor during his streams, and he was a regular visitor during yours. It wasn't strange to hear the others accent during a stream. It wasn't just during streams you talked, but afterwards aswell. You could talk to eachother for hours on end, sometimes going late into the night for eachother. It was difficult sometimes, since you lived in Europe and he lived in the US, but you found a way around it every time. Ranboo once called you and said he wanted to show you his face, and when he did, you were so glad he trusted you like this. You had talked about meeting up for ages, even on streams, and everyone, and I mean everyone, wanted it to happen. You suggested to Ranboo to do a sort of Charity stream, where people would donate to help him raise funds for travelling. It was a long stream, you were there for the entirety of it, but it was worth it. It didn't take long before Ranboo reached the amount he needed to visit you and the 2 of you almost cried. You were so happy you could finally see eachother one day. Ranboo decided to stream a bit longer, the remainder of the donations going to charity.

Multiple calls and many days of planning later, it was finally time. Ranboo packed his things, left the house and headed to the airport. He had one message through his phone before he boarded the plane.

"I'll be waiting here for you <3"

It made him smile, knowing that his best friend was going to be waiting the entire time for him. That's when he got another message.

"I'm wearing your merch btw, hopefully it makes me easier to spot in the crowd rather than just having to look for my face :)"

Hours later Ranboo finally landed in the airport. You could hear over the speakers

"Plane landing at gate 4, plane landing at gate 4."

You visibly lighted up.

"That's Ranboos gate!"

You said excitedly. You were already there, but it made you even more excited that he was almost in hugging distance to you. You waited by the exit patiently for Ranboo as all the passengers started filing off. It wasn't until midway through you saw him, but he didn't see you. Taller than all the passengers, his hair all messy, you assuming he fell asleep on the flight, it's the only possible option. You started bouncing on the spot excitedly. He was right there, in person, in front of your eyes. Your best friend. He finally saw you and sprinted towards you, letting go of his bag near you and engulfing you in a hug.

"Y/N! It's so great to finally meet you!"

You had to pinch yourself, it all felt to real, and lucky for you it was.

"It's great to meet you too! Wanna go get your stuff and get some food?"

You asked Ranboo. You had flown before for that amount of time and had known the food isn't really the best.

"Yes, I could really go for a McDonalds or something right now."

You smiled at him and handed him your hand so he could follow you, and he took it.

When you got to the carpark, and into your car, you got into the driver's seat, and Ranboo got into the passengers. You started driving towards the nearest McDonalds and ordered food, on you. You sat in the carpark eating what you ordered, and sat there for a bit afterwards. That's when Ranboo unexpectedly took your hand and held it lightly. You looked over towards him.

"What? Were just 2 homies holding hands, any issues? Plus your hand is nice I like it."

Ranboo said, quieting down on the second part. You laughed to yourself. It wasn't even the first day yet, but you could tell it was going to be a fun ride.

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A/N: Sorry about the unfinished publish, I started before I was going to bed and didn't realise you couldn't save asks to drafts LMAO anyways hope you enjoyed! And yes just 2 homies holding hands :)

[listentothelittlebird]

I was looking through some drafts and I found this - I think it’s my first attempt at writing Burning Iceberg. Here, Damian tagged along with Jason when he went off for training!

Word Count: 2942 words 

enjoy!

It’s Talia who sends him away.

“Training,” she says, but there is something in the way that she moves, the way that the base is silent and waiting with bated breath right up until they leave. 

Jason leaves alone. Talia watches him go, her posture too unnaturally relaxed for anything not to be amiss. 

He gets one day away from the base before he realises he has a tail.

“Damian?” 

The young boy scuffles out of the shadows with a haughty sniff. “Took you long enough to notice me, Todd,” he huffs. Given the boy’s night clothing - the one’s he wore to sleep - Jason guessed that he had just arrived.

“Why’re you here?” Jason asks, curious. Sure, he had talked to the kid, had trained with the kid, but why was he here?

Damian glanced at Jason, then glanced away. “You were going alone,” he declared stiffly, “I would think that you would prefer company.”

“Mother agreed, and sent me after you,” Damian added, not at all convincing. Talia would never allow Damian out of her sights, especially with the tension in the air back at the base. Something was definitely up, but Jason let it slide and gestured for Damian to come closer. “You hungry, kid? I’ve got enough food for both of us until the next village.”

He knows that Talia might come after him. There’s no way he would let Damian disappear, just like that. For the moment, however, Jason could care less.

He had never asked for a big brother, and he had never asked for a little brother, but he was definitely willing to risk his life for the eight-year-old beside him. 

-

“Where are we going?” Damian asks, quietly. They’re stowed away on a cargo ship headed for the South Pole.

“I want to find a bender,” Jason replies, “The North pole is more connected to the world, and there’s more people to worry about. I’d think that a bender would hide in the South, where there’s less people.”

Damian scrunched up his nose. “Your skills are not adequate to face a bender, Todd.”

Jason pauses, then snorts, “I’m not gonna fight the bender, D. I just want to… talk to them.”

Damian eyes him with a skeptical look, but otherwise says nothing.

-

They’re riding through a brutal storm when Damian loses his grip and tumbles towards the railing.

Jason follows, one hand gripping tightly onto the metal rail and the other holding onto Damian as he flailed. For once, the kid looked genuinely terrified.

A wave crashes into them, and pulls them over. 

-

Jason is surprised to wake up. He tried to gauge his surroundings, but nothing really added up. He was under a fur blanket, a fire crackling near him. Someone was shifting beside him.

“You’re awake,” the voice murmurs, “I thought you’d sleep longer, but it seems not.”

Jason, carefully pulled himself up, narrowing his eyes as he gazed around the igloo. It was sparse, but large enough to fit him, the new man, and-

“Dami,” Jason breathed, headless of the man’s presence as he jerked out of the furs and toward

 his brother’s still form. He pressed two fingers to the boy’s neck, and his heart only calmed when he could feel the steady thrumming for a full minute.

“You’re welcome,” came the dry remark. Right. Jason turned back to the man, assessing him silently. He wore a blue parka, and was currently wearing the hood low over his face. 

“The two of you washed ashore last night,” the man explained, without prompting, “Your friend was barely breathing, but he made it through. You were surprisingly fine once the threat of frostbite was removed.”

Jason glanced again at Damian. 

“Thank you,” Jason stated, before his voice hardened, “But can we trust you?”

The man sighed. “Figures that two kids running around in the Antarctic wouldn’t trust a stranger,” he mused to himself. His amused smile was the only thing that Jason could see, the fire and the shadows obscuring the rest. 

“We are a long distance from the nearest village, but I can take you there. I can send the two of you on your way the moment that your friend feels better.”

-

“You know that you’re safe here, right?” Jason stated quietly. Anuk had left them in the igloo and went hunting by himself. He claimed that he worked better alone.

Damian looked up from where he was curled up in a corner of the igloo, his back pressed tightly against the icy wall. He wrinkled his nose, but there was still apprehension in his eyes. Jason sighed.

“Look, if this guy meant bad, he’d have done something already,” Jason reasoned, spreading his hands along the icy ground. He was glad that his resistance to low temperatures had survived the pit, even if his bending had not.

“Your trust will get you killed,” Damian murmured. Jason winced, “Yeah, well, it kinda already did. But that’s besides the point,” Jason rushed to add, “Just- trust is dangerous, sure, but can you really live your life without trusting anyone?”

Damian was silent. Jason, taking a dive, spoke up, “Do you trust me?”

Damian jerked his head up, staring at him with wide eyes. Then, quietly, “Yes.”

Jason nodded, and pressed, “Talia? Ra’s?”

Damian hesitated. Jason moved on.

“Listen. I know you just wanted to tag along for my training, but we’ve been under the radar for at least a month.” They had arrived on a full moon, and that night was a full moon, again. 

“Even Talia would have to admit to Ra’s that she thought we were dead somewhere in the Antarctic. Firebenders hate the two poles - they won’t be sending a search party for us, much less coming to find us themselves. You don’t have to go back to them.”

This time, Damian glared. “Where else would I go, Todd?” he spat, and Jason realised that the kid had already thought of this, had already considered this, “Where else am I supposed to go, if I do not return to my home?”

Jason pursed his lips, and despite the green raging inside him…

“Bruce would take you in,” Jason admitted, shoving the green away, “I can’t say the same for myself, not when I’m done with him, but… you. You’re his kid. He’d definitely take you in.”

Jason grinned, “He’d love you. Hell, he already took in the Replacement, what’s one more?”

Damian shifted. “Why won’t he take you in?” he questioned.

Jason stilled. “It’s not-” Jason started and stopped, and shook his head. The Joker was still alive. He had adopted a new kid. He wasn’t needed, hell, he wasn’t wanted. He really had just been a charity case. He breathed, trying to push the green down.

“It’s complicated. I don’t know if I can forgive Bruce, and I don’t know if I can stare at him without wanting to put a knife to his neck.”

That was what scared him the most. That he would lose control. He hated Bruce right now, hated him for what he had done, what he had not done, but his nightmare was his vision going green and fading to a Batman bleeding out from a knife in his grip.

Damian looked confused, so Jason tried to explain. “Bruce is… not a perfect man,” Jason sighed, “But he’s all Gotham has. And the Robins - what he does for them, that’s good. Even if-” Even if it gave him false hope for a rescue that never came. He swallowed that down.

“For all of his faults, he did give me some of the best memories.” Not that he remembered many of them. The pit took that away, too. “I hate him, but I loved him, too.”

-

“You’re ready.”

Jason raised an eyebrow at Anuk. “Ready for?”

“The full moon,” Anuk explained, not really explaining at all. He pointed towards the sky. “Tonight should be a full moon. We’ll set out onto the ocean at midnight, and you can perform the traditional water-bending stances for Tui and La. If nothing else, it is a tradition that I practice, and as my student, I want you to practice it as well.”

Jason sighed, but went along with it. He still had no bending - sometimes he thought that the water would move just so, but most of the time, there was nothing. He diligently learnt all of the water-bending moves, but Anuk was probably lying when he said that he was “ready”. How do you tell if someone knows their stuff if they don’t even bend?

-

The night was quiet. Serene, silent in the way that Gotham never was. The League had been silent, too, but not in this way. There was tension in the air, in League bases, sounds controlled and quenched before they could travel. Here, there were only expanses of snow and ice to echo back each scrunch of their boots.

Anuk bended a gondola made of ice, and Jason hopped on, not willing to show his own hesitation. Anuk waved his arms and the gondola moved out onto the calm Antarctic sea.

“According to my Gramps, we used to have big ceremonies on full moons,” Anuk started conversationally, filling the cold silence with soft murmurs. Jason realised belatedly that they should have brought a lamp, or at least a torchlight, but it seemed like Anuk knew where he was going, even in the dim moonlight.

“I live in the South pole, but my Gramps hailed from the North. He says that the late princess Yue gave her life to keep the moon spirit, Tui, alive. The Northern water-benders would present their bending on full moons to pay homage to Yue and her sacrifice.”

The gondola slowed to a stop, and they were left bobbing softly on near-silent waves. Anuk stretched his arms out and pulled, and a square platform of ice froze before them. Anuk stepped back and looked towards Jason expectantly.

Jason had grown used to the icy tundra, enough so that he did not immediately slip off the icy block when he hopped out of the gondola. He took his place at the centre of the ice block, glanced up at the moon, and started to run through his bending forms.

Nothing happened at first. Jason felt kind of stupid, actually, bending without bending at all. He nearly slipped a few times, but he managed to keep his balance, and powered through the basic forms into the more advanced attacks.

Then, something shifted.

“Jason,” the wind whispered, and Jason stumbled. His foot slipped, and he ended up on all four as the ice block rocked, waves pushing over the sides and washing over his hands and knees. The voice sounded like Bruce.

“I’m so sorry, Jason,” came again, and it really did sound like Bruce. Jason blinked into the moonlit ice and nearly gasped. 

It was a bird’s-eye view of the Batcave. He would know that cavern anywhere. Batman was stooped down beside a glass casing, positioned at the centre of the cave.

The vision zoomed in. The casing had a blood-stained Robin uniform, burned and tattered, way too destroyed to be repairable. Jason realised it was his suit. The one he had died in. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you,” Bruce was saying, and Jason could only watch as Bruce absolutely bawled his eyes out in front of the casing, still wearing his batsuit, only having pulled the cowl down.

Just when the sobs died down, Jason heard, “I left Joker in the helicopter. I knew it was going to crash, but I- I thought he didn’t deserve to live,” Bruce admitted quietly. Jason’s breath hitched.

“He survived. Of course he did. If I keep going after him, he’ll just keep surviving, and… I have to stop, before I can’t. Before I lose myself in a world that took you. I’m sorry,” he choked out, and the tears continued to flow.

The scene changed.

“Why?” Dick’s voice screamed, raw and so full of emotion that it jarred Jason to the bones. “Why did you let him live?”

“We can’t be the dictators of who lives and who dies,” Bruce started, but Dick cut him off. “This is the Joker we’re talking about, B!” Dick yelled, somehow louder than the previous shout, “Joker doesn’t care who lives and who dies! He definitely didn’t care when he-” Dick cut himself off with a sharp exhale.

Bruce waited as Dick took measured breaths. “I just don’t get it,” Dick whispered, “A man like him? B, why did you save him?”

Silence. 

“We fight for justice,” Bruce rumbled, steadfast and sure compared to the crying mess in the last vision. Confident, like he had worked through his thoughts and come to a conclusion. “We can’t just kill people as we see fit. Not even if we hold a personal grudge. Not even if we want revenge for our own.” 

They both glanced towards the casing.

“I still want to kill him,” Dick stated bluntly. Jason thought Bruce would reaffirm his rules, that he would cook up a convincing argument and strike down Dick’s motives.

Instead, Bruce only answered with, “Sit on it for a few days. Don’t make an impulsive decision you’ll regret.”

Dick sighed harshly, and left the viewing range of the vision. Bruce turned back to the casing.

“I never got to apologise to you,” Bruce murmured, “For accusing you of pushing Garzonasa.”

“I was worried for you. Nobody should have to live with the guilt of taking someone’s life. I’m sorry if I came off as distrustful. I should have done more. Been better.”

One last scene. A young kid, black hair and blue eyes, looking up at the casing, fiddling with a new Robin suit that Jason had only seen through grainy newspaper prints.

“You were my hero,” the boy said, and checked his empty surroundings before he continued, “You were… awesome. You had so much energy and spunk, and-” he huffed, a small smile on his face, “-much more fire than me. Which is ironic, to say the least.”

Jason watched as the kid produced a photo from his gauntlet. It was a photo of Jason and Nightwing, on the rooftops, laughing and joking around. 

“I always wanted to be your friend,” he admitted, “I never wanted to replace you. I just knew that Batman needed a partner, and I guess nobody else was gonna do it, so. Here I am.”

The photo slipped back under his cape. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be like you, but I’m trying. I… I know I shouldn’t miss you, because technically I never knew you, but. I do.”

Timothy Drake looked up at the suit for a long minute, before turning and pressing his domino mask across his eyes. “I’ll do my best to make you proud,” he whispered to the air.

The vision disappeared with the pull of the tide. Jason was suddenly aware of the ice block he was still on, as it tipped against the slightly-larger wave. A combination of water and ice made him slide right off the block’s edge. 

Anuk’s yell was drowned out by the freezing water rushing to meet him. It was the very opposite of being dipped into the Lazarus pit. The water was a dark blue, and he could still see the moonlight piercing through the water’s surface. The light bent above him, and he blinked, because it almost looked like a face. A young woman, with long white hair flowing around her serene smile.

The light pulsed, and suddenly he could feel the water around him, moving and flowing, pulsating with its own energy. He could feel the water turning and churning around Anuk’s gondola as he steered towards him. He spread out his arms and pushed-

-and shot out of the water, landing with a slight stumble back on Anuk’s gondola. The boat rocked slightly, but Jason smoothed his palms downwards and the rippling waves ceased.

 “Tui and La,” Anuk cursed to himself, “You were under there for quite a- oh.”

Jason tilted his head. “Oh?” he prompted, still reeling from how alive he felt. He was surrounded by his element, and he almost wanted to dive back under just to soak in his renewed bending.

Anuk produced an ice mirror, angling it to catch the moonlight. It was hard to make out, but there was definitely a patch of hair that was no longer black, dangling right in front of his eyes.

His eyes were blue, like the colour he was born with.

“Yue’s blessing,” Anuk breathed. “What?” Jason questioned, looking up from where he was scrutinising his new hairstyle. Anuk had his head tilted reverently towards the moon.

“Princess Yue lived because Tui gave her life,” Anuk recounted, “Her hair was a stark white because of this. When Tui’s mortal form was killed, Yue gave back her lifeforce to revive Tui.” Anuk chuckled, “It’s why most people from the poles don’t bother dyeing their hair.”

Jason himself eyed the moon contemplatively. He closed his eyes, and realised with a start that the green was gone. The pit’s effects - the murderous rage, the unnaturally-green eyes, the blockage of his bending - they were gone.

Anuk had taught him a traditional bow used to start and end water-bending fights, a sign of respect for the opponent. Jason bowed towards the moon, and hoped he was doing it right.

“Thank you,” he breathed quietly, “Yue, Tui, whatever you prefer to be called. Thank you.”

The moon shone on the ocean, and he swore he could see Yue’s face once more, smiling.