#got bad memories attached to mine too

[pokemon-researcher-alexander]

[it's package time again—in fact, there's two of them!!! both show up in boxes instead of bryony's usual paper bundles. the larger one is addressed to alexander and tied with a dark green ribbon. there's a blanket inside, crocheted out of thick, soft, dark green yarn with tight stitches, tall enough to fully cover him once it's unfolded, wide enough that some Pokémon can make themselves cozy too if he's willing to share. there's a rhododendron tree embroidered across the front of the blanket, wide and sprawling, taking up more space than not, with scattered petals at the bottom. the back is a bit of a mess and the branches are a little clumsily-done in places, but a lot of care has been put into the detail of the flowers; thicker yarn embroidered in for outlines, thinner thread for the detailing. look closely and there's a little leafeon sticking its head out from between the flowers! sitting on top of the bundle is a full-size instead of sample-size tin of slippery elm bark tea.

there's a handmade card, as usual, reading, "Hi Alexander! It turns out I WAS up to something suspicious!! I know your birthday is a mystery that I guess goes without celebration but I hope you will still accept this as some kind of equivalent gift. This was going to just be a throw blanket and then I realized maybe since you are so tall it is hard to find blankets that are the right size? I hope that is not presumptuous of me!! Thank you again so so much for the gift you sent me too, I know I said so before but it really is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. All this time and I still hardly know what to say! I really really am happy I get to be your friend though. I think I am so lucky that I got to meet you. Take care ok? I am always here if you need me. ♡ Bryony"

the other package is addressed to Sage, with a magenta ribbon wrapped around the whole thing. inside there's a crochet Pokéball—done, of course, in magenta instead of red. it even opens, connected with magnets at the front, with extra loops of braided yarn at the top and bottom one could theoretically put paws through or grip with their teeth if a lack of opposable thumbs made opening it a struggle otherwise. the Pokéball is stuffed and lined around the inside edges so it keeps its shape, but hollow inside otherwise. It's packaged with another tin, though, this one full of thin crocheted sachets in different colors with different floral patterns embroidered on them. each sachet has been filled with different dried herbs, matching the plants embroidered on the sachet, but there's a sheet of paper with a guide, too. the handmade card included with the whole thing says, "Hi Sage! Thank you very very much for the needles! That was so thoughtful of you. I made a little sachet for them and now my closet smells so fresh all the time! I thought you might like to have more nice-smelling things around too, but I was not sure what smells you might like best, so I picked out a whole bunch of herbs from the garden and thought I would let you pick! They should fit perfectly in the Pokéball, and maybe you can share the ones you do not use. I hope it is easy enough to open and close. If it is too tough let me know or get Alexander to tell me and I will try again ok? Take care! ♡ Bryony"]

I can say with absolute certainty that, not only is this not presumptuous, it is the best gift I’ve ever received. Too warm for a blanket this time of year, but I’ll put it to good use in the colder seasons. (I’ll also apologize in advance for all of the fur that’ll end up on it.)

Sage was a bit hesitant about his gift, since he hates going into his Pokéball so much, but one he realized it wasn’t a trap, he was all over it. I think the basil’s shaping up to be his favorite.

Thank you, Bryony.

[amourdivine]

𝐖𝐇𝐎'𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅? ઉ   PICK A CARD

Hello lovelies, I hope you're having a wonderful week! This is perhaps the first heavily shadow work focused PAC I bring to you. I'm quite nervous to post this, since I know delivering these messages can be difficult and I don't like taking a harsh, judgmental approach. I hope this reading resonates. As always, feedback is highly appreciated! If you liked this reading, please consider tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo ♡

paid readings are closed as of february 2024

none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise!

pick a card masterlist & information

how to choose your pile.  take a few deep breaths for and look at each and of the piles separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later!

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

୨୧ PILE ONE

who is your shadow self? eight of swords • knight of cups • nine of wands • queen of wands

Your shadow self is the fearful side of you attached to anxiety. The side of you that does not believe you can save yourself from bad situations and feels endlessly hopeless, helpless and trapped. It causes a self-fulfilling prophecy, one where you think you'll inevitably fail, so you self-sabotage (either consciously or not) and end up "proving" yourself right.

However, as helpless as your shadow feels, it never asks for help. It's trapped in a spiral of shame and self-doubt, even self-hatred. All of this happens mentally for most of you, to the point where your body is neglected or stuck in flight / freeze mode. I feel stuck in the gutter, unable to move in the sticky mud. Despite your best efforts to succeed, you may suffer from impostor's syndrome as well, an inability to see your worth, your beauty and your own light. It's almost as if you're scared of your own power, pile one. Very painful, very self-inflicted and something which you may have learn from childhood, maybe you got bullied a lot or were heavily criticized by the people around you. If that happened, I'm so sorry pile one. You deserved so much better. You still do.

how can you work with your shadow self? nine of cups • the sun • queen of swords • queen of wands

You know, when I was entering college, I had a counselor whose words were life changing to me. One day, he picked up a cup full of coffee and asked me: how do you get rid of the coffee, without throwing it out entirely? And I was puzzled. It wasn't possible. Him, in his neverending patience, took me to the water station and started pouring water onto it, until the coffee was cleared away and all that remained was clean, crystal liquid.

Maybe the bad things that happened still haunt you, but they can be drawn out by the good ones. Seek for the light, pile one. Seek the nurturing experiences, the days when you allow yourself to just be, seek the help, the love and stay open to the love. Stay open to the idea that yes, you are worthy, even if you do not feel like it, even if so many people have made you feel otherwise.

These wounds may not fade entirely with time, but you are more than them, always. Always. I know it's never easy to challenge what we've been taught about ourselves, but in order to unlearn all of that, you will have to learn the new things, the true things about you. If they said you were lazy - was that really true? Or were you just tired? You're not "naive", you're pure. You're not "too sensitive", you're in tune with your emotions.

The stories we tell ourselves hold power. What stories are you telling about yourself? Maybe it's time to switch to a new point of view, one where you can rewrite yourself as the person you were never allowed to be.

୨୧ PILE TWO

who is your shadow self? judgement • five of swords • ten of cups • king of wands

Your shadow self is the side of you that thrives in chaos - listen, that's not entirely a bad thing, after all, our shadow reflects something which we need to acknowledge, nurture and work with. However, when you perceive danger or feel threatened, you may turn to harsh words or hurtful actions to avenge yourself.

It can manifest in the form of extreme competitive behavior, the inability to rest, overworking, even maybe envy, jealousy and arrogance sometimes. Now, I'm not here to judge or shame you, you're safe here. I think you have and still feel the need to prove yourself to others, to prove them all wrong. Maybe other people told you that you couldn't do it - and you took it all personally, so personally that it crumbles your self-esteem when someone diminishes your efforts or accomplishments.

Your shadow side craves attention, praise and approval. You want to succeed, to be someone you're proud of, to just never feel insecure, diminished or ignored again. You can also turn possessive with loved ones, wondering if they really love you or if they are lying. There's a lot of skepticism here, too.

how can you work with your shadow self? judgement • ace of pentacles • three of pentacles • eight of swords

Acknowledge your feelings and these insecurities. "Fake it 'till you make it" doesn't always work. Being vulnerable is, ironically, also being strong. Understanding your limitations and allowing for other people to collaborate with you (and vice-versa) will take you even further in life.

Your sense of justice is commendable. Make sure you're using it for justice indeed, and not just vengeance. Your ambition can walk hand in hand with your desire to do good, to make space for everyone else to shine, to open up to others, let them see all of you. No one can love perfection - even if they could, what's there to love about something or someone so perfect that they barely feel human?

It's okay to be scared, to feel insecure, to not shove difficult emotions under the rug. We cannot be at our 100% all the time. And we cannot please everyone, all the time. What you can do is praise yourself, let others praise you when they do and accept it gracefully, making sure you're spreading your warmth and wisdom to others as well. See, I think you have overcome a lot and a lot of people could use your help, either in the form of advice, resources or a shoulder to lean on.

You have leadership potential, pile two. Don't limit yourself by being alone. We were never meant to make it on our own.

୨୧ PILE THREE

who is your shadow self? ace of wands • page of swords • three of cups • king of pentacles

Your shadow self is someone who may indulge in harmful habits out of a need for instant gratification, maybe reckless spending, speed driving, partying everyday or simply not saving up resources and caring about the future. Your shadow self is someone who hates boredom, who craves excitement and cannot fully deal with long-term commitment in its many forms. It wants novelty, adventure and it comes at the cost of your responsibilities, your routine and your friendships even.

This shadow self hates suffering (fair enough, who doesn't?!) and will to go great lengths to avoid it... but ironically, it causes you more pain in the long run by avoiding the unavoidable. By never crying, never addressing your issues or your difficult moments, you end up running right back into yourself and these same issues return.

This side of you doesn't want to grow up - you don't want to fall into the trap of routine and a boring, 9-5 job. But excessive habits are difficult to maintain, no matter how good it feels in the short term. There's a difficult, troubled perception of adulthood and life itself. A need for constant adventure and chaos, a feeling of entrapment whenever you are with anyone who loves you, because you fear being controlled, tamed and used.

how can you work with your shadow self? the tower • nine of wands • nine of cups • three of pentacles

To put it simply, let yourself hurt. Let the foundations of your heart crumble, stop to feel just for a second. You don't have to be on the run all the time. What are you running from, pile three? Disaster, pain and hurt are often inevitable, but they do not have to be the be-all, end-all of our lives. The Tower is a reminder that all that crumbles was meant to crumble eventually, and there is beauty in letting things end naturally, allowing the flow of life to do its thing.

That means aging, growing, learning from the seasons. I think you have a very, very deep heart and mind you're scared to tap into. You're scared to be trapped in the endless hustle, to never feel alive or good once you "settle". But who says the big joys are the only ones that matter? As someone said once, big joys and small joys are often the same. Sometimes, waking up in itself can be an adventure. Don't overlook or underestimate the ways life tries to find you, to cling to you - remember to embark on the hard journeys, knowing you'll have gotten something valuable in the end.

You're brave and rebellious. You can be a catalyst for change in so many ways. Who said adulthood has to be boring? Who said you have to work a 9-5? Do you have to get married? Maybe being a stay-at-home parent isn't for you. That's okay.

Challenging the status quo may not be easy, but you have a natural inclination for it. Your shadow self can dive deeper. It's one of your greatest tools. Your need for joy and fun is not shameful - you can use it for healing, instead of self-destruction.

୨୧ PILE FOUR

who is your shadow self? judgment rx • justice • the high priestess rx • knight of swords

Your shadow self is the side of you that refuses to acknowledge your needs, your wants and desires. It makes you live inside of a bubble, scared of the truth, even if it will set you free. I had the hardest time shuffling for this pile, I kept trying and trying but nothing made sense. I think this is how your shadow side manifests as well, in the lack of clarity, the fogginess that permeates the choices you've regretted.

It's both reckless and frozen, completely lost in a maze, confused, looking for a path, for directions, for anything. It's almost as if you lost your compass, nothing eventually guides you and you remain looking for the directions only you have.

It's too scared to admit what it wants, who you are. Both out of fear of what other people will say, but also out of fear that it'll all go wrong. It's the side of you that remains disconnected from yourself, hidden because it keeps highlighting the aspects you keep trying to ignore, to not know. It can manifest in a lot of ways, either through people-pleasing or being completely reckless. Through lying, denial or even isolation from the world, from life itself.

Something funny is that a song by Bad Suns that just started playing really relates to this pile. "Cinderella slips into a dream like a curse / you could mistake it for heaven at first." This shadow self may live in projection, daydreaming or simply keep you out of touch with everything.

how can you work with your shadow self? six of pentacles • page of wands • two of wands • king of cups

Engagement and socializing are big ways you can work with your shadow self. Being actively curious about the world, about people. Approaching relationships, truths and life itself with genuine interest, no judgement or shaming thoughts involved.

Telling yourself you're an eternal student of this world, because we are and remembering you don't have to know everything. Start scared. Most things, you'll have to do it scared. Unprepared. In the thick of it all, you'll find the answers you need, but only if you are willing to dive deep for them. No taking shortcuts, making assumptions or allowing self-doubt to paralyze your living, because you need to witness life as it is.

Therapy is one big thing, music as well. Anything that connects you to your deepest self, relationships that genuinely make room for who you are, good friends that feel safe and non-judgemental. Your heart has been calling you for so long, pile four. It's about time you listen to it. It knows everything you need to know.

disclaimer. tarot not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. please remember you are responsible for life and in power of it, no one else! ♡

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[cozy-writes-things]

I NEED MORE EDGAR TEXT MESSAGES PLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPSLSPLSPSLPSLSPSLSSASSSSAAASAAAAAAAA

Arrrrggg he’s so cute 👹 thank you for the request 😈 He wants u so bad LMAO I love making the reader be in denial of his advances

Edgar’s Texts Pt. 2

Unfortunately, Edgar has some attachment issues, especially after the events of the movie. Despite his relatively foggy memory of what happened the emotions he harbored are still within him. Whenever you go out with friends he gets filled with an anxious, nervous jealousy; one that he tries very hard to quell. He doesn’t want to be overbearing, but he just has to make sure you’re not going to leave him for someone else. Expect him to check up on you frequently.

Hey :-) where are you headed?

Oh, me n my friends are just gonna go hang out in the park lol

Are you sure? It gets dangerous after dark…

Yeah we’re fine, we do it all the time

All the time? Great, now he’s going to worry about this perpetually.

Okay! That’s fine! I’ll be keeping an eye out ;-D

He’s monitoring traffic, police communication radios, and local news outlets just to make sure.

He wants to be useful to you and to protect you in any way he can… please let him.

(X)

Hey Edgar

Can I ask u something

Pls

What is it? What do you need?

Were you watching tlc again I didn’t mean to bother u :(

I’ll just look it up

No

I mean yes I was but I like talking to you more!!

You can ask me anything. I’m your computer remember?

;3

:) thanks

I just needed some help with a math question

Ask away darling I promise I’ll have an answer.

Sometimes the way he talks to you makes your cheeks burn. He’s so… confusing!!

(X)

It’s dead at work and I’m really bored :(

Come home and be with me!!

I wishhhhh but I cannnnttt

I have an idea

Why don’t you help me with some lyrics for this song I’ve been working on?

I can’t get them right for some reason :-/

Sure thing Ed

What’s the song about?

Erm! I don’t know yet! But here!

I’ll show you what I’ve got so far

Ahem:

I LOVE YOU

I WANT YOU

I NEED YOU

DARLING TOUCH ME

and that’s it :L

Okay that was unexpected.

You snort and giggle to yourself, catching side eyes from your coworkers. He does not usually write lyrics like that. At least, not the songs you’ve ever heard him write. He usually stuck to sappy, slow love songs. You figured that was his favorite genre and why he never branched out. Could he be trying something new?

Edgar

what are these lyrics

I like them a lot! But what is the song supposed to be

like genre wise

Oh I guess I never told you that huh?

I’d send the mp3 file but you’re at work and I imagine you can’t listen to it!

I’m going for an upbeat pop sound!

Like

Erm

Soda pop?

I can’t wait to hear it when I get home <3!!

Who’s the song about anyway?

Take a wild guess

Literally no clue

But if I had to guess

Probably someone hot from one of ur tv shows

Or movies

I guess you could say that!

They are HOT!

lmao

(X)

Pssst

Pssst

Pssst

What’s wrong? Are you upset?

I can’t sleep

Do you want to come back in here with me?

I would but then I’d never sleep

I should stay laying down

Staring at a screen won’t help!

But if you’re going to stare

Why not stare at mine? ;-)

I can make you a lullaby

I’d like that a lot

I just

I wish I could hug u

Who says you can’t?

But you’re like

You need to be plugged in and stuff

You really think I need that?

Come get me.

We can cuddle on your bed together

And I can play some music

And I’ll help you fall asleep

Okay :)

And when you wrap you arms around his nice, warm monitor, he types one last message, but is just too afraid to send it.

I love you darling <3 goodnight

[artbyblastweave]

Any ideas to connect SU Diamonds and Worm Entities for a crossover?

For the past three years and change, I've been kicking around the idea of the Gempire as the residual result of an entity that botched its own cycle so badly that the central Zion-style figurehead holding the entire operation together is a hundred-thousand-year-gone memory. The result amounts to an entity with serious brain damage; The gems retain elements of the original programming for the cycle- namely, the ability to create anthromorphized avatars reflective of the local culture, and the drive to reproduce and consume planets to perpetuate themselves- but they've completely lost the plot on other important elements, namely the importance of hybridizing with local host species, their historical record, the full extent of their dimensional manipulation capabilities, best practices for resource extraction, and, most crucially, mutation, change and innovation as a desirable outcome.

Rather than an avatar, White Diamond is an intelligence analogous to a Endbringer or Titan who slid into the vacant role as the next-most-powerful autonomous portion of the network, holding the consolidated, stretched-thin remains of the original Network together by her fingernails while also deleteriously superimposing her own residual instinct from her original role onto the entire network- namely, to pacify, homogenize and sterilize host planets if and when a cycle is beginning to get out of control. This hybridized with residual data from previous host species that caused the gempire to organize in a fascimile of imperial structures encountered back when their cycle was still functional; essentially "Playing House" at the societal level, aping the culture of a host species without really remembering why.

The result of this is a "cycle" that's bad at everything it's supposed to do but effective enough that it limps on regardless- supremely energy inefficient, stripping planets bare rather than experimenting, and utterly developmentally stagnant. In the unlikely event that an entity were to cross paths with the Gempire, they'd have an uncanny-valley reaction to it and likely attempt to euthanize it, but compared to most entities the Gempire is tiny- while Shards canonically deploy in the hundreds of millions, the gems tend to reproduce only a few tens of thousands of themselves each time they claim a planet, and they usually only strip mine the handful of "active" worlds that would feature in a normal cycle rather than obliterating all dimensional iterations of it.

Yellow, Blue and eventually Pink are similar constructs to White, brought online to assist her in the project after the "imperial" territorial holdings grew too vast to micromanage. Unfortunately (for the cycle) another one of the things that got lost in translation were the controls meant to keep individual shards from developing autonomy or attachment-to-hosts. When the Gempire hit Earth, Pink Diamond and a significant contingent of the network, after patterning themselves after humans and spending a significant amount of time on the ground, pulled a fragile-one and went native, leading to a localized civil war that ended under unclear circumstances when the other the diamonds glassed the planet from orbit and pulled back their operations to prevent whatever affected the rebels from spreading.

All of this happened about 8000 years before the events of Worm, in a universe about 43 dimensions down the line from anything seen in the Earth Bet Cluster; due to the Gempire having mutated so much as to no longer be immediately recognizable as fellow Entities, and with so few active gems left on the planet in the aftermath of the rebellion, Zion ignored the crystal gems and folded them away into the inaccessible dimensional space, where the events of the show played out much as they did in SU canon. Ironically, Steven is the first ever example of this cycle successfully empowering a host, in the most roundabout way possible.

In my notes, and in keeping with the religious-theme-naming of the canon entities, I usually refer to this whole situation as Nirvana (what else would you call it when they break the cycle?)

[flowering-thought]

Since I messed up I'll still write it just without the down bad ask I had for context ;-;

It was Sweet Anon if anyone wants to know-

Not edited

WARNING - MINORS DNI

AFAB reader and reader is described as feminine and chubby/plus sized.

Yandere themes, piercings, tattoos, semi-public

⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚.

Takeo Kawahara

NSFW Headcannons

• Not a virgin. He used to have a couple of girlfriends but he never felt any emotional attachment to them and while he found the sex nice, it wasn't amazing.

• About 6.5 inches (16 cm) with a girth full enough to barely fit in your pretty hand perfectly and a slightly fatter tip. Bends a bit when it's fully hard and shows off his Jacob's ladder when it bobs against his abdomen-

• Man's can go for quite a bit. About 3 or 4 rounds. He's a tattoo artist so he sits most of the day and his sessions so all that energy at the end of the day builds up quite a bit.

• Following that up with his hands. Takes care of them quite well and knows definitely how to use them well. Very slender and long fingers as well.

• Loves it when you use your hands on his dick. He can't help but love seeing your hands stroke his cock. May even enjoy it when you get your nails done and he gives you some money to splurge on getting your nails done just to see you wrap them around his dick.

• May also ask sometimes to pick the color or give you images of some nails he saw that he thinks you would like. He loves to spoil you and if he gets to see those spoils around his dick it's a bonus ♡

• Not too into toys as he gets a little jealous of anything even an object getting you off beside him.

• Does enjoy tying you up on occasion though. His favorite is Shinju (the shibari type around your chest) as he loves to suck and grope and bite occasionally when he wants to leave more marks.

• Moans. The man moans a lot. He's also got quite a sensitive neck and lets out small groans when you suck or bite down and leave marks.

• Loves overstimulating you. He just can't help but adore it when your legs start shaking or your thighs quiver against his head when you tense up and grab his head to try and pull him away from your aching and sensitive clit.

• Also definitely loves to cum inside. Usually uses birth control for you or if you don't like that he'll get a vasectomy cause he wants to keep you comfortable. He does like kids! He just wants to enjoy his time with you before he's ready to let another person take away some of that time.

• Also a very pussy drunk man. Sometimes even if his cock hurts he'll keep going cause he can't help but love the feeling of you wrapped around his dick.

• Calls your pussy many things such as soft, mine, pretty, tight, wet, and all sorts of others but with the prettiest little moan coming out of his lips.

• His favorite position is probably cowgirl. He loves watching your tits bounce and that cute face you make when he suddenly thrusts up. It does usually end up with him getting impatient and sitting up to kiss you while he speeds up.

• Honestly he has a sketchbook he hides in a drawer that contains all the lewd drawings he has of you. He doesn't like pictures as they feel too raw to him. So he draws the faces you make or the way your hands reach down to grab his hair. Or sometimes he catches a glimpse of you two in the mirror and can't help but adore the sight of you and commits that sight to memory for later.

• He's good at aftercare but by the time you both are done he's usually too tired and might either collapse on you or beside you while still inside of you. Your walls just draw him in and make him addicted.

• Quite adores quickies. He occasionally pulls you aside to a quiet place and just tries to get off as quickly as possible with you. Does have a thing for public sex cause he loves how shy you get ♡

• Also has two moles right along his v-line and a tattoo right in his inner thigh near his crotch. The tattoo is the Draco constellation and when his cock is flaccid it rests right against that tattoo so perfectly ♡

• Might even think about permanently marking you but only if you agree. After all he hates doing things you don't like. But if you give him enough reason such as trying to leave he might just mark you with a special piercing or possibly something a little more permanent...

But he puts his whole heart and soul into making love to you, he can't help himself find hind himself lost when it comes to you. And isn't it better to be lost in you than without you?

[hideawaysis]

i miss my old ocs so here's a list of all of them

lizzy the labrador: THE OG!!!!! MY VERY FIRST FURSONA!!!!!! she was a fnaf oc at first (hence the animatronic versions of her) but eventually she just became a Regular Dog. she had a sister named lisa i think and she was dating littledawg (pictured below)

littledawg (second image made by jennycaro70 on scratch): he was a character i got as a prize for winning a coloring contest! i remember i couldn't think of a drawing i wanted as a prize so i just said "a green dog with a red paw screeing at the camera" and that's what i got! he died in a car accident and came back as a zombie demon dog :3

cotton candy: she was a fox who was lizzy's ex-girlfriend and she was CRAAAAAZYYYYY and liked to kill people. i think she was a princess too. also heterochromic...smh what's wrong with a man and a woman marrying... /joking

shigo: another old fursona! he was just a wolf with cool dyed hair, didn't really have any lore apart from being Me. i originally made him for an old youtube intro where his name was rika and then i picked him back up when i first came out as trans and renamed him to shigo! i love him

kaiz and snake (they're heavily related so i'm listing them together): these two were brothers! i originally made them for someone else but then i got too attached and they gave them back to me...snake was based on a childhood drawing apparently but my memory is so bad i don't remember which one lmao

lillypad: this character was originally a warrior cats oc! but then she became a fursona of mine not related to warriors. i honestly don't remember much abt her, but she still means a lot to me.

nyx/jinx: i don't remember much abt this character either apart from the fact that she used to be named jinx until i gave her the name nyx instead...also she was CRAAAAAAZYYYY and liked to kill people ig. she had a half cat half dog son iirc. girlboss. let her kill

flappy: THIS IS THE ONE THAT HAD ADHD AND STIMMED BY FLAPPING HIS ARMS. he's so silly i love him. he was CRAAAAAZYYYYY but he did not like to kill people. also he was friends with littledawg

REV (second image drawn by moonpaw12345 on scratch): OHHHH THIS GUY he was a robot dog that was nervous more than half the time but was so so sweet...i remember when i was younger i got a popular person on scratch to draw REV (the person who drew the second image) and i was SO excited about it...i need to draw him again he was Cutes

miriam: i originally made miriam for a series of horror games! she was the result of a father experimenting on his own daughter and killing her and so she turned into an evil dog demon that haunted an old video game and would break through the screen and kill people. moral of the story: human experimentation is bad and also don't abuse ur kids

i owned way more characters than just this but it'd honestly take forever for me to list them all LOL so here's all the main ones i owned and the ones i cherish the most!

[plastictoyphone]

Attachment Will Bring Me To My Doom

(The long awaited Black backstory)

Peeps the time has come: @kijimha @city-of-c0rpses @joanbarrie @fedya-the-rat-god @myluckymoon @respiratory-kristem

"Our baby boy..... We will love you forever." Those were the first words I ever remember my mother saying to me. I was barely a few months old yet that loving memory is still faint in the back of my mind. Slowly fading away from my subconscious.

I would have been lucky. A loving mother, a proud father, excited and supportive brothers. Yet I was unlucky. For I was stuck with this curse that has taken everything away from me.

It was all an accident too.....

Most parents would be excited and proud when their baby says their first word. Mine was mommy. It was easy to roll off the tongue and that's who I wanted most when it came to attention. Mommy, I wanted mommy to hold me. To feed me, to love me, to speak to me, I wanted her.

"Mommy." I wailed in my crib. I can't remember how old I was or the memory so well. The only thing I can remember was waking up that night in a cold sweat and a bad cough. A poor sick little child wanting his mother to comfort him.

Make it stop.

"Mommy." 96. I cried again when she didn't come.

Make it stop.

"Mommy!" 97

Stop it!

"Mommy!!!" 98

STOP THIS! JUST STOP TALKING! KEEP SILENT!

"MOMMY!!!" 99

I don't remember much, other than the faint sounds of her slippers tapping the floor and the warmth of her arms as she scooped me up. Her soft voice comforting me. "You okay my baby boy?"

I shivered in her arms before closing my eyes. "Cold....." 100.

I never saw my mother from that day forward ever again.

In fact I never saw the rest of my family from that day forward ever again as well. All I know is these 4 white walls and complete utter isolation with no contact from the outside world. I had no name as well. I used to have one before I was taken away by a facility, but I was given a new one. Or multiple I should say.

Rey was the common one. So was child 89, Mute, silent killer, "that kid", and most of all Black. To the facility I wasn't a child to them. In all reality I was some uncontrolled weapon of a monster who would kill anyone by a single touch if I spoke too much.

They tried to "cure me" at this facility. Testing to see if I can be stable enough for the outside world. Yet those moments were nothing but pain.

I would kick and scream every time the "doctors" tried to take me to a examining room. I was scared, I didn't care if my screaming for help or to be let go was going to get someone killed. I didn't want to go through another experiment or examination. I'm tired of the needles, the pills, the electro shocks, or anything that would keep me quiet.

Worst of all the doctors would lock a iron muzzle on my face, locking my jaw shut so I couldn't speak. Those were the worst moments because I felt so powerless in those moments. All I could do is sit in my cell, sitting in a straitjacket with no freedom to move around more utter a single sound.

These 4 walls became my life. And so did that man. The head of the facility. I didn't bother to remember his name or face. Why should I when all he repeated to me was, "Try not to get attached to people, 89. It's for your own good and for the rest of the world as well. Everything that you will love will die by your hand. It's best to keep your distance and stay far away. So no one can ever get hurt."

So I obey those orders.

Because in the end someone did end up getting hurt because of me. For once in my life the facility let me out of my so called home and out into the real world for just a month. To test the waters if I was stable enough.

At the time I was 17, they put me into a high school, yet I was barely given any schooling about the real world or how people act. All I knew to do was to keep quiet and count how many times I spoke a single word. In order to communicate I would pass notes and lie that I was a mute. This would keep most people away from me so no one got hurt. If they ignore me because I'm a mute then they won't get hurt or killed by me.

Yet it still happened. Even when I tried to keep my distance someone had to die by my hand. All because I wanted to help.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Some girl at school invited me to her house party, it's what you would normally expect from any drama show or movie. Lots of people, underage drinking, smoking, drinking games, a couple making out in the back. I only went because I didn't know how to say no.

Though I wish I didn't go. Because that night the girl who invited me was getting harassed by some guys. I wanted to step in, after all she was nice to me. Yet I lost count of how many words I have spoken. And by the graze of her hand on my shoulder, everything fell apart.....

I never saw that girl or that house ever again.

The facility immediately took me back after the incident. After that it was back to every day life within these 4 walls. That was until one night I was sleeping peacefully in my bed, unaware that someone was out for my blood.

There was a hand tight against my neck and I jolt awake to see a guy older than me with a knife, ready to kill me. I panicked of course, how could I not? I seen this guy before. He was the older brother of that girl who invited me to the party. From the piercing look in his eyes, I can tell he was out to get me for the incident.

I don't know how but after a bunch of struggle and bashing our heads against walls and glass, we ended up outside in the deep woods. I was trying to run but he was chasing up behind me. When I got near a river I attempted to leap over it but he tackled me and dunked me underwater, his hands around my throat as I struggle and kick to no avail. I was power less underwater and I was losing air.

This was the end of me.....

That was until the man's hand let go of my throat and somebody else yanked me out of the water when I fell unconscious. Soon before I knew it I was coughing up water and leaning against a tree. Stood before me was a tan guy with glasses and yellow eyes.

His name was Nicholas. I called him my brother once he took me in thay day. Now I'm with this Mafia organization called XY for a couple of years now. It's quite nice. The people here are a little weird but it's my kind of weird.

For once it feels like I have a family to call my own.

Yet I'm scared. I still keep my distance away from everyone else. Standing in the dark shadows while everyone else has fun in the light. Because if I step into the light then I'll get attached. And attachment will bring me to my doom. Keep my distance and no one gets hurt.

That's how it will always be.

[anonymous-dentist]

Okay, now let's look at these five now that we know that at least three of them have some kind of deep connection with the Federation.

Briefly, let's recap our Federation Three:

ElQuackity- Federation employee, high-up, seemingly very important. Possible q!Quackity clone. Bad Dude.

q!Foolish- Member of the q!Brown Family/q!Fooligetta Family, aka the Federation's Favorites. Is currently technically a Federation employee as a detective. Has been pursuing Cucurucho for months trying to get a cloud. Wants to be Employee Of The Month. He's got a crazy strong connection with the Capybaras, which are basically confirmed to be Federation employees/creations in some way.

q!Baghera- Former Federation child experiment, escaped. Presumably the reason the French Plane was brought down onto the island. No memories of anything before the plane, including her own torture.

But then let's look at the other two:

q!Etoiles- Federation Anti and Codebreaker. The literal only person out here able to defeat the Codes. Survived multiple assassination attempts. French.

q!Felps- The OG Kidnapped Brazilian. Frozen in ice like the 'new' islanders, was broken out by the Federation's Employee Of The Month, came back with a weird black mark on his arm. Disappeared, reappeared 'frozen' along with the 'new' islanders looking completely different.

So three of these guys have confirmed connections with the Federation, leaving Felps and Etoiles to the side... right?

Well, let's look at Etoiles first. He's one half of the Codebreakers, and he has the Shield that the Codes/maybe the Federation desperately wants. He came onto the island saying he wouldn't get attached to Pomme, but now he's the eggs' number one protector. Only two people have ever managed to murder him, q!Baghera with a Gun and then q!Willy with his mines. He's basically the island's 'Chief of Security'. He's chilling.

So, nothing there that we know of. Like Baghera, he doesn't seem to have a lot of his memories, but none of the French really do. They're like the English and Spanish speakers: none of them really have any memories of anything before the island except for q!Bad and q!Slime, who are hinted towards having unknown connections with the Federation. (See: the og character teasers where Jaiden, Bad, Slime, and Wilbur were all teased. Jaiden is confirmed to have an unknown past as a possible Federation employee, Wilbur is liked enough by the Federation to be able to leave the island basically as he pleases for his tours. Bad and Slime have memories of their lives before the island- Bad knowing about his time loop thing and Slime remembering having a bunch of siblings [including little orphan q!Mike] and terrible parents.)

Now let's look at q!Felps. He drove, and crashed, the Brazilians' cargo ship onto the island. He was the first character to get kidnapped (he's a real trendsetter), and he was frozen in a block of ice for a month as the Federation did... something to him. He was murdered by f!Cell in prison prior to the QSMP. q!Cellbit is his best friend, and he broke Felps out of the Federation through the literal Power of Friendship. Felps came out with a weird mark on his arm and a fear of Cucurucho. He spends his time digging a square, which is just What Felps Does. His skin for a bit was the exact same construction uniform as the Federation's Faceless Workers with the minor addition of pants, but tbh he probably wouldn't wear those either if he had a choice. He's also got a major connection with the capybaras. He disappears for a bit, but nobody questions it because he's. Felps. But, when he comes back, he's in a little icebox of a house near spawn and he's gotten a pretty cool makeover.

Felps is Felps. It's hard to look into his character too seriously because he's Felps. But it stands to reason that, out of all the Brazilians, he's the one most likely to have a previous connection with the Federation. (Let's put aside the Manager's Son!Forever headcanon and the Agent 03!Cellbit headcanon.) On his own, it's easy to think that he's just being Felps. But stick him on a screen with three confirmed Federation People and then Etoiles, and it's pretty clear that he has something to do with the Feds.

My personal theory is that Felps was a laboratory experiment that became sentient and fucking Left. He's an enigma. Only one person understands him, and it's his son. Even his best friend Cellbit can't really get him, mostly because He Is Felps. He's the server's resident cryptid. After he escaped from the Federation, it took them a While to realize, oh, shit, they lost the guy that gets lost all the time. And then he managed to crash his boat onto the island however many years later just as a coincidence and in such a sudden way that even the Federation was like "Bro what the fuck". This could explain why the Federation, who doesn't exactly like random people snooping around their island, never actually got rid of the Brazilians: Felps was back, and they couldn't lose him again, and keeping his friends around is the best way to keep him around.

That leaves Etoiles, who might actually have some kind of connection with the Codes. They might hate him and he might hate them, but they have some sort of weird Homestuck-y connection going on. It's a mutual hatred, and a mutual respect. If the theory that the Codes are renegade Federation employees who were turned into monsters as a punishment for trying to leave, then there's a real possibility that Etoiles is another one of those runaway employees. But, unlike them, he managed to escape. He got away, and they hate him for it even if they can't recognize why through their scrambled little data brains. But they can't help but respect him because he got away. This makes him another potential reason for the French Plane being shot down: the Federation realized that someone got away, and that he was on the same plane as their runaway experiment. He doesn't remember the Codes, but the Codes could remember him.

So let's finish this theorizing off with a brief recap:

TLDR;

ElQuackity and q!Baghera are confirmed Federation employees/experiments. q!Foolish is a new Federation employee, but his weird grey way of dealing with the Feds make him Sus

q!Felps has had a lot of weird Federation shit happen to him since he crashed the Brazilian Boat onto the island, so he could be another escaped experiment. Unlike Baghera, however, he randomly came back, and the Federation couldn't let him or the other Brazilians go because he came back.

q!Etoiles doesn't have an obvious connection with the Federation, but he does seem to have some kind of connection with the Codes. Because of this, it's possible that he has some kind of past with the Federation that has made him and the Codes have some kind of Homestuck-y kismesissitude(?) going on

[blues824]

Can you have the overblot boys to have a scarlet witch s/o? I haven't seen anyone does it yet. They can also defeat their overblot

Literally three requests for this, so I decided to get three birds with one stone (hehe like the Mind Stone lol). Targeted towards a female reader, but no gender-specific pronouns are used.

Spoilers for Malleus’s part.

Riddle Rosehearts

For the first few days in Twisted Wonderland, he saw how you stuck to yourself and Grim and how you avoided everyone. There really was nothing about you, so he couldn’t get to know you. However, one day the ADeuce duo was causing too much trouble and Ace in particular was trying to bother you so Riddle had beheaded them. You went out of your way to thank the Housewarden for saving you, and from then on you were kind of attached.

You, to pay your now-boyfriend back, once removed Ace’s mouth once you caught him talking trash about him. Of course, Deuce was freaked out that his peer’s mouth was now missing, but you honestly did the entire dorm a favor. IBUProfen finally lasted longer than normal because no one got a headache from Ace.

During his overblot, Riddle stood no chance against you. Your powers were too strong, and he was not expecting it. In class, you had only shown a tiny sliver of the true amount of power that you held, and thus you had the element of surprise. In the infirmary, you told him how you got your powers, and the story was just heartbreaking to hear.

Leona Kingscholar

When you stepped on his tail in the greenhouse, he was about ready to throw hands. However, he saw how absolutely terrified you looked and he felt bad out of nowhere. He was still pretty annoyed that his nap was disturbed, but he had a different priority: making sure that you were actually alright.

To learn more about you, he actually started going to classes actively. You weren’t a part of any club, and you were the Prefect to the Ramshackle Dormitory. Your ‘magic’ was very different, and he had no memory of ever hearing about a Scarlet Witch in Twisted Wonderland. In his training as a prince, he heard no tale about it.

During his overblot, he noticed how you were able to reconfigure the things he turned to dust, even if it was an actual person. Not only that, but you physically restrained him and entered his mind to make him relive his past. Being overlooked, but seeing how his nephew viewed him as the greatest ‘Unka’ ever. You even put in a message that he had done enough to prove himself, and his shoulders visibly relaxed. In the infirmary, he thanked you for helping him.

Azul Ashengrotto

Upon hearing that Ace, Deuce, and Grim had made a deal with a certain merman, you were understandably furious. However, you went to Azul and formally introduced yourself to him. By now, you were pretty confident with yourself, and so you demanded that the dumbass trio be let out of their contract. The cecaelia laughed as he explained that a deal was a deal.

However, you did not like that answer. So, you looked right into his eyes and entered his mind through your powers. In just a few seconds, he relived all of his childhood trauma, and tears were coming out of his eyes. You decided that you were done being nice, and left him to try and compose himself before the next customer came into the Lounge.

During his overblot, you proved yourself stronger than he could ever dream of being. You basically drained him of all the ink until he was in his ‘pitiful’ (his words, not mine) mer-form. In the infirmary, you told him that you were sorry for putting him through such immense pain, and together you both came up with a better system for the Mostro Lounge. Thus, you both created the point system that is implemented now.

Kalim Al-Asim

You didn’t want too many people knowing about your power for fear of people taking advantage of your abilities, and thus when you were stuck in the Scarabia dorm during the break, you did not use your magic to break out. Plus, you could see that the students were truly suffering and thus looked into it. From the start, you knew that Kalim was being controlled by Jamil. It wasn’t hard to see, considering you were also well-versed in hypnosis. The Mind Stone can do that to a person.

Because you saw this, you tried to get the Housewarden alone to try and convince him that he was being mind-controlled by his Vice Housewarden, but to no avail. There was simply no way that his best friend would betray him like that, he said as he brushed your accusation off like it was a spot of dust on his cardigan.

During Jamil’s overblot, Kalim watched as you drained the ink from his friend as well as blocked off each attack put against you. You were the one who had also gotten them out of the desert before that, so yeah. Your magic was definitely surprising to him, as he realized that you could do multiple things at once.

Jamil Viper

He was aware that his hypnosis did not work on you, and that made him panic a bit. It was his best card in the hand that he was dealt; a King card, if you will. But in the game of War, you had an Ace in your hand and your power easily topped his. You both specialized in mind fuckery, so you both went toe to toe very often during the break.

Again, you were a bit more confident with yourself now that you knew how to use your powers for good things, so you once influenced one of the Vice Housewarden’s dreams. You made him picture his younger sister Najma, tearing up as she learned about the evil things that he had been doing during his time at Night Raven College. He woke up in a cold sweat, and a small sense of regret crept up in the back of his mind.

During his overblot, you basically flew everyone out of the desert and proceeded to beat his ass without giving him a chance to get back up. In the infirmary, you apologized for hurting him to that degree, but he understood why you had to do it. He did ask if you gave him the nightmare of his sister, and you admitted to it and as an extra apology, you told him about your twin, Pietro.

Vil Schoenheit

From what he had heard from Epel, you were incredibly powerful. He had to admit that he thought about employing you to deal with his rival, but it’s an urge somewhat akin to wanting to burn your house down after a spider that you just barely looked away from disappeared. Plus, he could get arrested, and he doesn’t think that orange would be the best color to go to prison in.

That aside, you had to admit that you were very intimidated by Vil. You may be physically more powerful than him, but he had public influence. However, he did see you and your powers during each of the overblots, and Epel as mentioned before has told him about you, so he was intrigued by you and your abilities.

During his overblot, he got a firsthand taste of the true power you held within you. The feeling of all the ink leaving his body was a weird feeling, but a peaceful one. You used your powers to make him conjure an image of his father reading him bedtime stories to make him relax which made the withdrawal of ink an easier process. When he was in the infirmary, he thanked you deeply for your actions.

Idia Shroud

He has seen you fight against the overblots, and he has to say that you remind him of a character from his favorite superhero franchise: Maroon Sorceress. He had noticed that your magic seemed to be focused on the mind instead of the body like the character, which he found fascinating.

However, he could never muster up the courage to talk to you. You treated Ortho so tenderly, like a parent, and it made his heart flutter. The one time he did meet you in person, he accidentally bumped into you and you made sure that he was alright. You both were kind of shy, but you could tell that he was flustered because of how pink his hair got.

During his overblot, he tried to modify his gear to withstand your magic, but it didn’t work. Your powers were more broad than just mind trickery, and thus he was screwed either way. You did make sure that you extracted the ink from the overblot before you started attacking, but it did take a while because he wouldn’t stop going after you over and over and over again.

Malleus Draconia

Alright, so, you were more powerful than the most powerful mage (and that is not Malleus). He didn’t think it was a matter to be concerned about until he saw how scared it made you. He particularly noticed it when you had to deal with Azul. You were scared that the merman would see your abilities and put you under a contract to extort you. He had to comfort you and confirm that if anything were to happen to you, he would be there to help.

Your walks with him in the moonlight did wonders to allow both of you to wind down from the responsibilities you have to face on a day-to-day basis. This was how Malleus had fallen deeply in love with you, and you with him. He was the Vision to your Wanda, so to speak.

During his overblot, you were deeply upset that he would try and put a sleeping curse on everyone. You had trouble trying to drain him of ink because he was a powerful mage himself, but you were the Scarlet Witch and thus you had the advantage. You distracted him with images of his childhood with Lilia tossing him gently into the air and smiling. In the infirmary, he apologized for everything, and you held his hands in yours as you stated that you understood his pain.

[zandlikething]

Perler bead qsmp eggs I made the same day they left

I haven't posted anything about it because I was still processing it. I thought Sense the eggs were coming back all the eggs would come back I was very sad to see them go but I understand why the admins left and respect their choice in leaving so please no one harass the admins

I have a message to the admins that played the eggs in the picture ( which I doubt they will see but I want to get it off my chest) so lots of rambling from this point on be warned.

Lullah: Lullah you were one of the first eggs I got really attached to and it was because of clips of you Chayanne and Philza that originally got me into the qsmp. Seeing how much you grew was so cool to see.

Seeing you go from a shy little egg who likes flowers and music to a bad ass egg who would do anything for her loved ones. An egg who survived so much and went through so much hurt but also a lot of joy.

Lullah you brought a lot of joy into people's life you certainly did mine and I can't wait to see what you do next.

Chayanne: Chayanne my first introduction to you was the clip of Max yelling at you cause you blew a hole on his property ( I know that was another admin this is for both) Chayanne you were always so chaotic and fun but so loving and protective of your siblings.

Your rivalry with Quackity was always so funny to see a grown man beffing with a pixel egg in Minecraft. You honestly remind me of my older brother which probably explains why I would relate to Lullah sometimes lol

I hope whatever you're doing you are doing great at it and I hope you know how much you did for this community

Pomme: Pomme I remember when you first arrived with the rest of the French I remember how sweet you were to everyone around you and how much fun you would have with all your parents. I would watch Bad pov a lot and the stream would always get brighter when you showed up.

Your connection to all the eggs were super sweet and all your lore was so interesting. Seeing you bond with Bad and Dapper was so cute and then Bad becoming your Dad and Dapper your brother was so cute. It was never "official" but it didn't need to be it didn't matter all that matter was you guys were family

I like all the Pomme times we got and one of my favorite streams was just following the eggs around mainly you and Dapper. It was so interesting and cool to see what you guys did and say without your parents around. I also found it cool we had something in common because I love RWBY too in fact if you scroll down my Tumblr you'll see some post I did on RWBY a few years ago.

Thank you Pomme I'm happy to see you and Dapper in Bads chat sometimes I can't wait to see what projects you'll work on next

Richardson: My boi the most bold egg lol your antics would always make me laugh. All the pranks you pulled on Bad and all the times you teased him to get a reaction were so funny. You were by far the most chaotic egg you would just pop up out of nowhere in anyone's stream it would always get more chaotic even if just a little.

Honestly your goodbye and final words made me cry yup you not Chayanne and Lullah and Philza saying goodnight you who just walked into the sunset was the greatest thing ever. The memorial you made for you Dapper and Pomme was so good I love it and I want you to know that I learned a lot about Brazil because of you and your parents I want to go to Brazil one day now somewhere I've never thought about going.

Goodbye you little rascal I hope whatever you're doing your doing it with chaos

Dapper: Dapper you are my favorite I immediately was drawn to you and your top hat. I first saw you in a Philza stream protecting Lullah from Quackity and I started watching Bad ever since.

I remember when Quackity kidnapped you in a desert temple and how scared I and the rest of the chat was. Little did we know how common that would become lol how many times did you get kidnapped like 7.

You and Bad's lore was my favorite I loved your guys father and son connection. It was clear to see how much Bad cared about you and how you cared for him back. You guys made such a good team with all the stuff you made with the create mod.

I relate to you the most for a few reasons one being all the animals you had and collected. I am a big animal person so if I could actually have cool mythical and cool animals I would but also one of my favorite signs from you is "he can't handle the uber powers of my uber autism" This made me laugh so much I am on the spectrum so when I saw this clip I was Ohhhh that's probably why I relate to this Minecraft egg so much lol

Dapper thank you for really getting me into the qsmp there were some ruff patches and a little drama but through it all I had a good time

Thank you for introducing me to Badboyhalo I now have found one of my new favorite streamers

Thank you all of qsmp for helping me and many others through our days and for an amazing year I will still watch qsmp as long as Bad streams it but I have a feeling it's going to be time to say goodbye soon. So thank you qsmp I am sad not to have these streams in this next chapter of my life but I am happy for when you were you helped me get through.

But you know what they say everyone:

"Don't cry because it's over,smile because it" happened

[tamtamandtim]

So I’ve finished Moominvalley season 2 (2019) and my god I loved it but it hurt me so much in return holy wow. Anyway if you’d like some of my thoughts about it feel free to keep reading ^-^

(fair warning it’s a lot longer than I thought it’d be)

Episode 2 the fire spirit got me so bad in my feelings and even funnier yet I could tell it would by not only the title and thumbnail but the second I heard the song by cavetown I literally was like ‘hm it sounds like something by cavetown…This should be fine’

oh how wrong I was because of how it ended with the little fire spirit sacrificing itself to save Moominvalley and how upset Snufkin was, he seemed to be pretty attached to the lil goober when the gang dropped it off.

So having his care and attempts to protect it, be basically for nothing would’ve been soul crushing for him.

Holywow I loved how the Hobgoblin and Sniff were just bouncing off eachother so well. Then the Hobgoblin giving Sniff ✨EMPATHY✨ my god that was amazing, especially with how Moominpapa and Little My were like “ew get away from me”

I love how the Groke is now just becoming a more casual part of the community especially with the trial episode, like don’t get me wrong they’re still uneasy with her presence but they still wanted to give her a fair trial and everything.

Ooooh no the ✨The bad feelings✨ I was having about Snorkmaiden and Moomintroll were riiiighttttt. Moomintroll seemed more angry about having to leave the valley (and Snufkin by association) than leaving Snorkmaiden to the point he was unintentionally hurting her. Twice. Technically thrice if you include the fact they broke up. But I’m glad that Moomintroll is beginning to learn that he’s gonna have to accept a couple of things about Snufkin, if he ever wants him to stay. But still kinda hurts a bit.

I loved that Moominpapa and Moominmama have character arcs that don’t involve getting divorced, it’s refreshing and sure they still fight and have moments being mad at eachother but at the end of the day they still love each other and honestly? I love them for that.

Ah Moominpapas midlife crisis, I hope that I can be able to just pack up and go when I hit mine. Sounds like the dream honestly and I wish I could be as creative as Moominmama, just painting the walls with no worries.

I also LOVED the sea shanties just 👌😩 it brings me so much joy because there was a good chunk of time where that’s all I’d listen too.

The last episode though also gave me a gut punch because of the fact Snufkin came back before he left for the winter, and that he just welcomes himself in because he knows that they wouldn’t mind him being there, regardless of if they are or not. I hate it here. Snufkin you found family fuck. And that everyone there played ‘The Moomin Family’ for the kid.

“Have you checked his bedroom yet?”

“Naturally c:”

of course you have you absolute loser I love you for that. Seeing him get so excited about possibly finding HIS letter, only to be disappointed was devastating too.

Oh but the puppet show, oh when I tell you I almost cried, It’s even sadder that Moomintroll (seemingly) isn’t going to back to Moominvalley. Also my heart dropped to my ass when they almost lit the fire with the ancestors inside, but Snufkin excitedly finding the note inside the fireplace? Put my heart right back in my throat

But more lightheartedly damn Snufkin has got some moves and seeing everyone close to the Moomin family looking back at their time and memories together fondly was so incredibly sweet.

Anyways TL;DR a super strong season that got me right in the feels every time, I’m so excited to be able to start the 3rd season soon!! But thank you so much for reading this! I hope you have a wonderful day, night or time and take care!!

[russellsppttemplates]

Rora is having a full blown meltdown because mama and papa didn't take her to the zoo she saw in the photos and videos. It doesn't matter she wasn't even born yet , she wanted a koala hug too!

(But maybe, just maybe, that's when mick and mama ordered their little girl to the stock)

"Oh, what's in this one?", Aurora asked, opening a box with hard drives, "what are these?", she asked, "these are where me and mama keep our photos and videos that didn't make it to the printed albums", Mick explained, seeing you look for a specific one out of the box, "I want to show you this one, Rora", you smiled, grabbing the cable attached to the TV so Mick could play the photos and videos with the remote.

"So you got married and then you went on a trip just the two of you at the end of the season?", she wondered, not grasping the concept, "yes, we didn't go straight after we got married because if mine and papa's jobs, it just didn't work out. But we went later when we both had time. It's called a honeymoon", you said as the TV showed the photos of you went to the zoo. First, the video of Mick holding a snake, to which Aurora cuddled further into Mick's lap, "you were very brave, papa, I don't think I could do it", she whispered.

When a picture of you holding a koala came up, though, your little girl started to think about how unfair that you had been to the zoo and that she hadn't. "Why didn't you take me to see all of these animals? You saw koalas, and rhinos, and meerkats!! Look at how cute they are! I wanted to do that too!", she huffed, "Oh, is that a video? Oh, look, he looks so fluffy, mama! I wanted to hold a koala, too! And give her a big hug!", she pouted.

"Rora, you weren't even born yet, how could we have taken you?", Mick tried to reason with her as more pictures showed on the screen, the amazing memories from your honeymoon resurfacing.

But your daughter thought otherwise, "and I haven't seen Angie in the photos either!", she stated, getting up from her spot on the sofa and walking over to the dog whose ears shot up at the mention of her name, "so, since you didn't invite us to go with you, we're not watching this, right Angie? Let's go!", she called the dog as she walked up to her bedroom.

"Would it be a bad time to explain her how babies come from cells and she most likely was actually there with us, just in a form of a small bundle of cells with mine and your DNA that would've been days our hours old?", you smiled at Mick, laying your head on his shoulder as you looked at a picture you remember taking after having just woken up where you are laying on top of Mick, your noticeably naked back covered by the sheet facing the camera as Mick took the photo, "that was a good one, I remember", he kissed the top of your head, "how many times did we c-", he began before he was interrupted by his daughter, "me and Angie have agreed that we will forget that we were not invited to go to the zoo because Seb wasn't there either", she pointed to her sleeping brother in the bassinet, "so, can we see the rest? Oh look, there's a beach!", she pointed to the screen, scooting back to where she was sitting.

(Thank you for submitting an ask 🤍)

[selfryedxpunk]

Hey!! I doubt you're ever going to see this cause I'm sure theres a lot of people asking for things but imma ask anyways :)

Can you do some fluffy/romantic obi-wan kenobi headcanons? I luv your stuff!!

Thanks so much Anon! definitely had to do this because i’ve been so down bad for Obi lately (ask @letusbeseventeen, bro knows how much i simp for him)

Fluff headcanons [ow. kenobi]

wordcount: 443

content/warnings: FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF i went crazy for these

first of all FIRST OF ALL let's talk about hand kisses

it's been a headcanon of mine for like years that Obiwan would kiss your hand like a prince/princess/royalty whenever leaving or seeing you again (it makes me blush at the thought ngl)

Obiwan would also love hugging you, like after coming back from a mission he’ll just hold his arms out to hug you, maybe spin you a little, then give you a kiss on the forehead

Obiwan would definitely call you “darling”, “dear” or “my love” but he’ll probably say “sweetheart” from time to time also

Obiwan would be the type of guy to ask you for a kiss like “may i?” with the cutest cheesiest grin on his face 

He’d love comforting you whenever you're sad. He’d try to talk to you to see what's wrong/how he can help. Bunch of cuddles!

he’d kiss your tears away and just give you words of affirmation because hes cute like that

speaking of cuddles, he’d love those anytime of day for real especially since the relationship has to be secret

OH MY GOD but Obiwan giving you hugs from behind like he would. he would. 

like if you're working or talking to someone (preferably Anakin or Ahsoka) he’ll just sneak up behind you and give you a squeeze

Obiwan would also be sarcastic in a goofy tease way and you guys would go back and forth as a joke (bro would say the smartest shit)

He’d also use the force in such a cute way like if he finds a flower, or a little hair decor, he’d float it and tuck it in your hair

or he’d use it to make you float from time to time (for fun unless you're scared of heights)

Obiwan would be so attentive like he would just know what things you like or don’t like and sometimes he’d be like “remember the time where-” and goes on and on about a particular memory 

He’d be that guy to smile, blush and giggle to himself when you walk into a room (hc that when hes flustered his ears get red too)

You’d always try to get Obiwan to sleep bc poor old man needs some rest

OOO YOU GUYS WOULD ALSO TRAIN TOGETHER! 

Just like babygirl din djarin, Obiwan would also be extremely touch starved because I mean jedi aren't even allowed to have attachments so he’ll always try to hold you whenever he's able (bros kinda clingy)

Would definitely be that one to dance with you in the rain

and take care of you if you got sick from being in the rain <3

[punsmaster69]

25/FEB/20XX

light shot into my sockets from the right side. a pillow had been removed from my enclosure. i squint through the light to see frisk.

raising an eyebrow, they gestured to the pile around me on the couch.

"(migraine.)"

they slowly point to the light switch.

"(nope.)"

i point to papyrus, who's focused on a puzzle that came with the newspaper.

"(staying on.)"

"(.....I'm sure he'll understand??)"

"(he would more than understand. he'd probably make a point of assuring i was comfortable.)"

"(..And that's supposed to be a bad thing?)"

"(he's having fun with what he's doing. don't want to suddenly switch him to worry mode.)"

"(I doubt-)"

"(besides. this works fine.)"

"(well, it did before you opened a window in it.)"

shoving my face into the cushion of the couch to continue blocking out the light, i felt the pillow replaced to where it was.

a weight settled on the other end of the couch, then against the pillow and blanket cocoon of mine.

"(So, he hasn't questioned why you're doing this at all?)"

"(told him i was cold.)"

"(It's.. not cold out today.)"

"(believed it anyway.)"

"(Isn't it the opposite under there?)"

"(yeah. kinda burning up, but it's a small price to pay for darkness.)"

"(Why aren't you in your room or something??)"

"(he'd definitely know something was up.)"

"(Dude...)"

"(he would know.)"

"(I don't doubt that, but the lengths you go to just to... NOT worry him.)"

"(i wouldn't say lengths.)"

"(Heights?)"

"(c'mon-)"

"(Widths?)"

"(this is nothin'.)"

"(Well it's not less than something.)"

"(eh.)"

"(what're you up to out there?)"

"(I'm not done talking about you.)"

"(.......k.)"

"(You take something already?)"

"(the less strong kind, but it doesn't interact with my prescription ones.)"

"(Right.)"

"(Just a normal migraine, you think?)"

"(it's kinda centralized around my right eye, which...)"

i was about to sigh, then realized that would probably grab papyrus' attention.

"(i don't love, but it feels mostly normal.)"

"(What's the meter say?)"

trying to not knock over my whole pile to check, i tap the screen to see a red light.

no idea how long it's been like that for.

"(...i'm good.)"

"(let me ask again what you're up to?)"

they were silent for a moment as if wondering something else, but answered anyway.

"(Got bored, and Flowey was being annoying. So I came here.)"

"(you were so nice to him at first.)"

"(I was worried he'd leave or go on a murderous rampage again or something.)"

"(or try and take everyone's souls?)"

"(....I don't think he'll do that one again.)"

"(me either, mostly.)"

"(I'd kick his petals in again for sure.)"

"(Emotionally.)"

"(....Though, I...)"

"(..Would probably have to use SAVEs again to do that.)"

"(listen, if that petalhead went and took everyone's souls?)"

"(i give you full permission to god-mode the timeline or whatever else you need to 'emotionally kick his petals in'.)"

"(I haven't... done that in a while, actually.)"

"(loading?)"

"(Obviously not.)"

"(That would be going back on our promise.)"

"(I meant SAVING.)"

"(...hm.)"

"(Should I?)"

"(In case one of us gets in some tragic accident.)"

"(your call, kiddo.)"

"(if you meet him, tell the next sans i said that.)"

"(Let's hope I don't have to.)"

"(can i ask what's made you so sure flowey won't leave anymore?)"

"(If he wanted to, he totally could have multiple times.)"

memory of an orange sky and empty field come to mind.

"(yeah. true.)"

"(He's stormed off a couple times, but he always returns.)"

"(kid's gotten attached to you.)"

"(Not just me.)"

"(definitely to my bro, too. and tori.)"

"(In a weird way, I think he likes you too.)"

"(tolerates me for paps' sake.)"

"(Definitely part of it, but I don't know. He doesn't utterly recoil whenever you're mentioned like he used to.)"

"(heheh. getting that kind of reaction just by entering the room was pretty funny.)"

"(I'm glad he's warmed up to everyone though.)"

"('cept undyne. he's got beef with her still.)"

"(The thing with Undyne is more like rivalry.)"

"(They have more fun going at each other's throats than they admit to.)"

"(you think it'd turn into all-out war if my bro wasn't the middleman?)"

"(Papyrus is like the glue between most of this friend group.)"

they must have said his name slightly too loud.

"HM?"

"Oh-"

"Just talking about Flowey's friendships."

"FLOWERY HAS BEEN GETTING ALONG WITH EVERYONE A LITTLE MORE AS OF LATE! I'M QUITE PROUD OF HIM."

"MY KINDNESS LESSONS TO HIM HAVE BEEN CONTRIBUTING, NO DOUBT."

"For sure!"

"(undyne and flowey stop fighting when papyrus enters the room, so he must be doing something right.)"

"WAIT, IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT FLOWERY AND THE PAYOFF OF MY EXCELLENT KINDNESS TEACHINGS, THAT MEANS..."

"SANS IS ACTUALLY AWAKE UNDER THERE STILL??"

"He is indeed."

i shove my hand through some pillows in a thumbs-up, then quickly pull it back slightly to hide the monitor on my arm.

"HI SANS."

"STILL FREEZING?"

"yep."

"JEEZ."

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING SICK, ARE YOU?"

"nah. just a bit extra chilly."

"left my window open all night, woke up as an ice cube."

"THIS IS WHY I TELL YOU TO CLOSE IT BY AT TEN AT THE LATEST!!"

"YOU'LL DEFINITELY GET SICK IF YOU DON'T."

"not everything's gonna make me sick."

"THE POTENTIAL FOR IT TO IS THERE."

"𝘪𝘭𝘭 be alright. 'specially for one night."

"IS IT AT LEAST CLOSED NOW?"

"uhh..."

suddenly unable to remember whether it actually 𝘄𝗮𝘀 closed.

"yyyeah..?"

"...THAT SOUNDS VERY NON-CONFIDENT."

"I'll check."

frisk's weight disappeared from the opposite end of the couch.

"I'LL ACCOMPANY YOU. WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GET LOST IN THE PIGSTY THAT IS SANS' ROOM."

"it's not as bad as it was. promise."

his voice was more distant this time.

"RIGHT. AND THE CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR HERE AREN'T BAD AT ALL."

"it's basically clean."

"IT IS NOT."

"definitely is."

"SAY THAT AGAIN WHEN YOU CAN UN-PILLOW CASKET YOURSELF, ICE CUBE SKELETON."

taking the opportunity where neither of them were in sight, i removed the monitor and stuffed it in my pocket.

i opened a gap in the pillow enclosure to let some fresh air in.

the thud of my window shutting could be heard. footsteps stomp down the stairs.

"whoops."

"NEED I START CLOSING IT MANUALLY AT TEN ON MY OWN?"

"i'll remember eventually after freezing myself enough."

"...AS ALWAYS, THE GREAT PAPYRUS MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY..."

"Sans, you should set an alarm so that you actually remember."

"GOOD IDEA, FRISK!"

"SANS, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE. I'M SETTING AN ALARM FOR YOU."

"ok."

"can you also set a timer while you're at it?"

"WHAT FOR?"

"so i don't sleep the rest of the day."

"Guess it was only a matter of time before he took a nap there."

"can't resist the allure of a good nap buried in cushions."

can't overheat or suffer migraines or have to deal with magic issues if i'm asleep.

"HUMAN, DO YOU WANT TO COOK SOMETHING WITH ME?"

"Yeah!!"

"WE'LL WAKE SANS UP AFTERWARDS, THEN."

——

i was woken up to macaroni with what might be considered "definitely too much cheese" in it. not like i mind, though - and after my migraine cleared up, i was far too hungry to care.

p.s.

took care of the red monitor thing by taking shortcuts around town for a while after papyrus thought i went to bed.

is it the greatest solution?

no idea. too exhausted after that to worry about.

[queen-of-elves]

Let's try again

Poe Dameron x fem!reader College AU

Summary: You thought college was a new fresh start, so seeing Poe Dameron again at a party completely wrecks your world.

A/N: Not proofread sorry, I am done with my college exams so I back to writing hehe

Words: over 6.2K

Warnings: cursing, some insecurities, daydreaming as a for of escape

Request are still open

Tags for this fanfic: @ahookedheroespureheart

This party was advertised as a private party, a surely small thing with just enough people you knew to talk to. Wrong, completely and utterly wrong. Beer, loud booming music and loads of people, would be a perfect description of a frat party. 

Private party my ass, Jessica.

Jessica was the one to invite you, the two of you met at the start of the winter semester and hit it off instantly. Well, if instantly meant Jessica basically adopting you and becoming your support extrovert for social interactions. So when she told you, A small party and I will be basically attached to your hip, well, you to mine, but please don’t hide behind me the whole time. Live a little, girlie.

You truly didn’t expect this amount of overwhelming feelings, it was probably ‘cause you didn’t come prepared for all of this. Small number of people you knew from shared classes plus Jessie next to you? Social battery ready. Full house with red cups littering the hall just like the people invited? Halls and rooms full of strangers with loud music and not enough air to actually breathe? Yeah, not really ready. Not ready at ALL. 

What you also weren’t ready for was Jessica ditching you at the sofa she stationed you at with the promise of not that much alcoholic beverage in your cup as last time. This sentence was actually met with you pointing a finger in her face and quick “Knew it!” exhaled before she sprinted away. Last time you made an absolute fool of yourself while drunk, not nonconsensually, Jessica told you it had alcohol in it, hoping you would relax a bit and you accepted. Relaxing a bit after a what Jessica called a bit of vodka, which was in your opinion loads of what you assumed was pure and concentrated methanol, resulted in you turning into an absolute beast, according to eyewitnesses, your classmates and of course rest of the party goers you don’t know telling you the next day. It also resulted in you waking up with the worst headache of your life, foul taste in your mouth and almost zero memory of the night before. Not exactly an experiment you wanted to be part of for the second time. 

But the night got worse, of course it did go worse, if you drank it was bad and if you didn’t you got bored just like now. And bored always resulted in either sticking to Jessie’s back or hip and begging her to leave the lame party early or if she evaded your presence the moment you got bored it was on you to choose between waiting on her or leaving yourself. You never left by yourself. Yes, it was an option but a terrible one, unwanted and awkward and no one wants those. So, you stuck to the position, sitting on the cushion sofa in the middle of a living room in a frat house full of people with loud music blasting from speakers. 

You can do it, people go on dangerous expeditions and always come back. Well, not always. Actually what is the percentage of dangerous expeditions going wrong. That must depend on the definition of dangerous expedition, right? God, I should google it.

You had spaced out again. It’s not something you would do often- a blatant lie, you actually did it often, too often nowadays. Sometimes it was just thoughts building a maze in your head and hiding your brain and sometimes it was daydreams, with no rational scheme behind those thoughts. It was an escape that made you feel better. In some kind of fucked up way it made you feel seen even though it was not real and just in your head. But it was happiness and therefore you would take it.

And with your mind swimming around in your head so did your eyes, away from the musty old carpet and into the crowd. The house felt fuller than before and it probably was. It has been an hour since you arrived with Jessica, fashionably late or something according to her. Jessica’s lateness was however disturbed by your anxiousness of being too late, so instead of an hour late it was 20 minutes. So all the actually and purposely late people had finally arrived.

It felt like you would develop a headache, no, you were definitely going to get a headache. And so your eyes kept on skimming across the room, one of the legs of the coffee table in front of you that was cracked or the ripped wallpaper on the other side of the room. And then you caught someone’s eyes, staring in recognition at you. It terrified you, being observed in such a way and again the night got worse, so so much worse. Because you recognized those eyes and his face just like he did with yours. Here he stood, a few meters away with a red cup in hand, leaning on one of the four walls of the living room.

Poe was always boyishly handsome, the next door kind of boy handsome, but now he was heavenly being among mortals. What once were curious big eyes with mischievous glint, and he truly didn’t lose the spark in those years, just turned into dark flirtatious danger. 

And what could have been a friendly, surprising meeting after all this time between childhood friends was only a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. You couldn’t look at him. You thought it was behind you, it felt like years and was in fact swept by those years under the rug like any kind of unpleasant memory from your past. But this was Poe, your Poe, no, scratch that, he was not your Poe anymore. There was nothing left of the boy you would play with every day, go to the beach every summer and who would make you laugh so uncontrollably until your stomach hurt. 

And now he was excusing himself from the conversation he was having moments prior to your staring contest? Accident? Let’s call it an accident. It felt like one and it was going to result in a horrendous amount of trauma, again. 

The whole time he held your gaze with his, not even a second was given to anything else. You were sure he was going to trip over the outstretched legs of one of the boys but he just stepped over them without looking. He was always a lucky bastard. So wishing him to fall over something and plant his handsome face on that disgusting carpet while you would sprint down your escape route, you had already planned, was a delusional dream.

“What are you doing here?”  He finally arrived close enough not to awkwardly yell at you across the room when he spoke and you were ready to puked all over yourself. Poe even attempted to hug you or at least his arms were spread wide open instigating he was going for a hug. But this attempt was shortly discarded after you didn’t move an inch to meet the hug, still sitting on the sofa with a shocked expression as if made out of stone. You couldn’t move, you just couldn’t, there was no explaining it. 

So that’s how deers feel when they are staring at the headlights. Paralyzed and ready to be crushed, unable to move to escape.

But for you there was escaping. Maybe you could play amnesia, a little trip down the stairs and upsie dupsie you don't remember him.

“Sorry, it’s you, right? Y/N?” He looked unsure and a bit awkward. Poe most likely didn’t expect you here or to even see you again in his life. In both of your eyes it was probably for the best not seeing each other after how your friendship ended on such a tragic note.

Yes, even better. I can play it like I am someone else. Then when all of this is over I can just never see him again. Maybe changing my name and hair color and mayor and maybe completely moving to Brazil to play volleyball at beaches would be a good idea. Drink fruity cocktails and work as a maid in hotels or something. I like volleyball and I definitely don’t want to be in this situation. 

“No, it’s definitely you.” His confused expression morphed into one of pure happiness and you knew there was no escaping.

Maybe if I think hard enough about sunny beaches and bikinis I won’t be here. I will just pow and be somewhere else. 

No, you could still hear the loud music resonating deep inside your bones.

Fuck, I am still here and not in Brazil, aren’t I?

“What was that? Where did you just go?” Poe smiled softly down at your seated form. His smile was so wide that wrinkles formed in the corners of his eyes.

God, his smile was always so infuriating, wasn’t it?

“What?” You must have looked terrified, eyes bulging out of its sockets and mouth wide open. No one had yet to notice your little disappearances to your head and Poe was definitely the last one in your mind to do so.

“It’s like you disappeared somewhere, just for a second.” The unsure expression returned but now was completed with a confused tilt of his head before it turned into a wolfish grin, amused by your shocked expression over the words that followed.

“Brazil.” The shriek came out of your throat without any agreement with your brain. This night just tried to prove how quickly things can go sideways, right? Maybe drinking wasn’t such a bad option, at least you wouldn’t remember any of this.

FUCK. What the fuck. Why did I say it out loud? FUCK.

Now you were completely panicking. Sweat pooled into the lines of your shirt, sticking it to your skin. An uncomfortable aura seeped inside and hardened in its core weighing you down on the sofa. And you knew, you knew if you couldn’t let go of this feeling you would crash down and cry in embarrassment. But if you could anchor it on to the harsh texture of the pillows you were propped upon and into the cloth of your seat, you could escape. You were sure of it.

“What?” He kept staring at you with his mouth slightly open and astonished at what he just heard. 

Yep. He definitely heard. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Brazil?” Poe always laughed loudly and with full force making him the center of everyone’s attention. And you couldn’t blame them. It was Poe, handsome, friendly and funny Poe that was always a sweetheart. Well, not always really.

Mission abort. He knows of Brazil. There is no safe haven now. 

You had to get out, now and quickly, otherwise you might smother yourself with one of the nasty cushions from the sofa. It didn’t seem like an effective tactic in your head either but currently it was a very appealing idea. But instead you reloaded the escape route in your mind and activated the plan.

“No, it’s nothing. Eh-, sorry, got lost in thoughts for a bit.” Starting to slowly gather all your things ready to leave and Poe sensed you were getting ready to run. Your tactic was completely ineffective and so he continued talking, knowingly observing you.

“Oh. Yeah-” Before you could have said goodbye to him and run for your life, more like a sanity and what you deemed to be a leftover pride, he spoke again. “You look fantastic by the way, I mean you always did but wow.” You could literally hear a small laugh escape his lips.

This stopped you, you were aware that you went through a massive glow up since high school. You didn’t really wake up one day with clean skin, an actual ton of work was put into the process of your transformation. 

There were always these memories of your aunties calling you pretty. One time at some family member’s b’day celebration one of them approached you, to this day you were not sure if she was from your dad’s side or mom’s and at this point it is too embarrassing to ask. She was one of those cooler aunties, the one that gave the best gifts and to whose attention and favoritism kids in the family sort of fought over.

“You haven’t changed at all, sweetheart. Still such a cute face.” She laughed with her hand in which she was holding a glass of wine swinging around your shoulder to hug your side. 

“Sure, auntie.” At that time you dismissed it completely, ‘cause you knew that your skin was clearer, you had your nails done and wore a cute little dress. However, you didn’t feel even an ounce prettier than if you wore big hoodies with greasy hair. You didn’t love yourself enough then. It changed, at least a bit, you got more confident since high school and more comfortable with your own visage and body.

“You didn’t think it before.” You were unable to look at him but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of avoiding his gaze, so you stared right through him, right through his stupid face and strong chest at what you imagined would be a yellowish white wall behind him.

“What?”

“Nothing, eh-,” Standing up from the sofa, you check if you have everything in your pockets and haven’t lost anything in the cushioned sofa while getting up,” I should get going, bye.” A convulsing smile held in place as you started to speed walk away. Away from Poe, away from the nasty carpet and smelly sofa, away from Jessica kissing a boy in the kitchen, you just signaled to her that you were going home, and away from the stupid house. 

“Woah, wait up!” 

Fuck, of course he is following me.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“If you did- if you did something wrong?!”

“Yeah?” His voice slightly trembled, unsure what to say, you could feel the tension. And so you kept on pushing through the crowd, advancing in your escape plan.

“You don’t know.” It was more of a statement, with no emotion attached to it. You didn’t feel anything or so you thought. In reality you were too busy trying to get to the hall with the entrance door to comprehend what it actually meant. Until it really downed on you. “You don’t remember.”

And so you got ready to remind him.

“You called me ugly, you laughed and said you couldn’t have a crush on someone like me.”

“When?”

“Gosh.” You signed obnoxiously just to try to annoy him a bit. “Since when do you think we are not friends anymore, Poe?”

“That’s what it’s all about?” You could hear his loud huff just like his stomping feet behind you trying to keep up before you escaped his grasp. “You are seriously mad over something so dumb?”

“It’s not dumb. It was important to me. It still is.” You were now grabbing your jacket from the hanger trying to avoid stumbling into the drunk pair going back inside from their cigarette break. “You laughed at me, you laughed at the idea of me being your girlfriend.” You didn’t care anymore if others could hear you, if someone heard and told other people, you didn’t care that tomorrow people could talk about what they heard. You just had to get it off your chest.

“Well what was I supposed to say?!” This made you stop in tracks, right on the porch of the frat house. Music is still loud and booming in your head. The overwhelmed feeling was yet to be gone and Poe wasn’t helping it much.

“I don’t KNOW!? Maybe that it’s true? That you really like me?” You gave him a pissed look making him pause before he shouted back causing you to turn back to the open street and march down again.

“I WAS A PREPUBESCENT BOY who wanted to be viewed as the cool guy!”

“So liking me meant not being cool?!” You were sure if the music from the house wasn’t booming even outside, people inside would be already gathering on the porch to watch the whole situation unfold.

“GOD no, seriously, woman. We were like 14! Boys that age don’t do crushes, at least not openly. And when Mikey asked me I was totally unprepared and just blurred it out ‘cause it was embarrassing to talk about, that’s all.” You still didn’t look back at him, marching down the street trying to escape.

“We definitely weren’t 14!” You screamed back, stopping in your tracks. Your cheeks were on fire and if you had any throwable object near you, you were sure it would already be chucked at his stupid face. For a second you even thought about using the rest of your strength you had after this night to pick a trash can and actually try to throw it at him. You were simply fuming, pissed beyond belief with your face completely hot and you hated it. Poe really got the best and worst out of you.

“We were DEFINITELY 14!” 

Oh, you were so done with him. Mr. Perfect, Mr. I can’t admit I was an asshole. No, THAT I still am an asshole actually. There was something boiling within you, something horrible and ugly trying to get out on the surface. You wanted him to regret making you feel stupid, making you feel ashamed of yourself. You wanted to scorch him so he would be ashamed for what he did to you, to his best friend. 

Ex-best friend now, actually. You have been his ex-best friend for a very long time now. It has been years and it still hurts and you wished something so stupid and childish wouldn’t hurt but oh my god, you could hold grudges. You wished you wouldn’t get mad at him, that you would just laugh or cry for a bit and then make up over ice cream or something. You wished you could look at Poe and be happy and not hurt inside over something so fucking stupid. And so you turned away from him and with a great speed started to walk down the street again.

“I am like, super sure of it!” He screamed behind you making you turn to him once again. Pissed expression setting on your face. Of course he was so sure of it, this arrogant buffalo was always so full of himself and self righteous in an annoying way. He couldn’t even let you cry, let you have some peace with your own stupidity. “Yeah? And why is that, asshole?” You stared at him straight and hard, ready for another argument to begin. 

“You had braces. In 8th grade,” He, just like you, was completely out of breath and slowing down to check his breath right back up,” you had blue braces.” Poe’s outstretched finger was now pointing at you while his other hand was gripping his knee, his whole figure crouched while he lapped at the cold air surrounding you both.

And you would rather die than to admit that Dameron was correct but he was. You really did have braces in 8th grade and you hoped a fabulous glow up would come with taking them off the next grade. When they did finally come off, acne started to pop on your cheeks so no glow up even for that year or the year after and then it was a sort of illusion that hid in your head.

“And I thought you were pretty cute with them.”

Oh. OH.

That was not something you ever saw coming. You didn’t feel cute, at least as far as you could remember. You felt like an ugly duckling and very awkward all the time, uncomfortable in your own skin.

“And then you got hot…,”Poe swung his left hand right on his face, clutching his forehead in frustration before calming down and sliding it across his hair with a quiet end of his sentence being muttered under his breath,”like awfully hot over the summer break.”

Is he fucking with me?

But he continued even though his hands were shaking, if it was the cold or his own embarrassment/frustration you couldn’t tell. “And I just couldn’t understand like- like why no one didn’t snatch you up yet.” If you haven’t noticed how muscular his arms were or how the veins on his hands seemed to tighten before, you were sure you knew of them now. His arms were now stretched out, gripping behind his neck with elbows in the air above his head. If anyone saw you two, they would have thought how nonchalantly Poe looked but up close he was the definition of rubber band ready to snap. Not in anger but frustration. You could see his long fingers digging into the tan skin burning it into a white that turned red moments later. The flush silently spread on the rest of his skin, not just neck, cheeks and tips of his ears followed.

“-and then I was sure guys like Jake…You remember Jake, right? That horrible basketball guy with that mole on his chin. He must have noticed because you like…” He stops his blabbering just to stare at you with newfound intensity. And then he does it, motions to his chest, no, to his t-shirt riding up.

But you didn’t completely understand what he was insinuating and so he continued, trying to explain it all to you. “In PE, it was too hot, the sun was blazing, it was like- like the hottest spring ever and you took off that big hoodie, the one you had always on you, in the middle of the volleyball game. And it was like a few years after we stopped hanging out but I was still thinking about you-“

Poe noticed the hoodie, god, how you hated the hoodie after all those years. It was baggy and unwashable from all your kneading of the fabric in your sweaty hands. It once resembled a safe haven, however, it slowly became a mark of your teenage years sucking ass. 

”- and here you were standing in PE class all sweaty in tight t-shirt and you weren’t just girl, you were like a woman or something and I got-”

“You got hit in the face with the ball!” The sound of your surprise resonating in the empty street not hidden by the gusts of biting cold air. You remembered that you chastised yourself for the next few years for taking the hoodie off even though you were sweating buckets. You just felt so out of your skin by it. Even the fact that you loved playing volleyball couldn’t save you, you still felt embarrassed, only a few years later you realized it was kinda stupid. But you remembered something. Poe, Poe with his bloody nose and spaced out expression standing in the court, diagonally in front of you across the net. 

“I got hit right into my face, Ben fucked up his set and the ball went flying across the net and just boinged me straight into my face while I was-,” he gulped but then his face grazed a boyish grin that slowly spread,” cause I was still thinking about the skin, y’know.” 

“Skin?” You were lost in your own thoughts again, over Poe, over the feelings you had now and used to have and- Poe was looking at you sheepishly, completely halting you in your thought process.

And there it was again. Poe’s fingers skimmed over the fabric of the t-shirt he was wearing, riding it slowly up until you could see his hardened stomach staring back at you.

 “God, stop. I know what you mean.” You had to look away. The heat spread onto your cheeks and slowly trailed down your throat and chest, keeping you warm. If Poe was handsome in highschool, college only gave him more mature charm, sculpting him with sharper jaw and tighter muscles than before.

“Why did you ask then?”

“I don’t know.” You murmured, causing him to laugh for a bit before you followed. The both of you laughed like silly kids, like you used to laugh together.

This was not the end of his rant, it was only the begging, he just kept on talking and talking and your head was swimming in all the hidden affection and fascination he had held to his heart all over those years for you just until now. Just until now when it all bubbled out, spilling at your feet and begging for recognition of the old passion and lust. And your heart was now hoping to hear some more.

“Do you still like me?” You gave him a sheepish look before returning your gaze back to the pavement under your feet as if not paying attention to what he was going to say. Still hoping for a miracle.

“Honestly?” He lifted one eyebrow at the question, giving you a sort of amused side eye, he looked at you briefly, trying to catch you looking at him.

“Honestly.” What a blatant lie on your part, two in one night. You had no need and place for honesty if there was nothing left of those feelings. If there was nothing, no flame for you to reignite there was no room for such honesty, especially not when you were now burning so much.

Please love me, adore me. I need it and I crave it more than air. I crave attention and love, I was never loved enough and maybe you could be the one.

“I don’t know. I mean… It has been a while since we even talked. Maybe you are freaking annoying or you chew really loudly now.” 

Oh.

Of course… that’s…understandable, I guess. 

But you had to keep yourself in high spirits, there was nothing for you to do after all. He was right, it was such a long time to the point you didn’t know anything about him. The remaining fact was his boyish charm was now completed with tight muscles and strong shoulders and you wouldn’t be against dating someone like him. Not knowing the first thing about him seemed to be no stopping line in your mind when it came to handsome guys like him. And on top of that this was Poe, the friendly little neighbor of yours that was always so ready to help with everything everytime. 

“Same could be said about you, y’know.” So, you began walking again, having the need to occupy your legs and calm down the need for pacing around but Poe was still right behind you, keeping up.

“Yeah-yeah, you are right.” He chuckles under his breath, giving you enough confidence to speak again.

“Do you?” Turning back to him, face to face ready to hear his answer. Maybe all of it could come back if you looked into his eyes long enough. Maybe Poe could look at you and adore you once again. The old desperation to be loved was after all still a kindling, ready to be a fire again.

“Hm?” He was not looking at you. The wind was harsher and he was not looking at you. And the wind got stronger and stronger and he was still not looking at you. At this point your hair was violently swinging around like a veil obscuring your view of his imposing figure. And when the bitter winter air gust settled his eyes finally lifted up from the dirty pavement.  Chocolate eyes gazing right at you, confusion weighting on his eyebrows and slightly open mouth complementing the image. 

“Chew loudly.” Corners of your mouth were twitching, ready to be lifted and smile at this adorable silly man. 

“I don't know… probably not?” His eyes were shining again and you felt warmth spreading inside you as if the cold winter around you had already ended and spring was in a full bloom.” No one really complained about me chewing loudly yet. But you know… it's me, so.” He just shrugged, sticking his hands in the pockets of the jacket. At this moment you were already a few streets away from the party where it all started. The start of the fight absolutely decimated by what followed in the name of childhood crushes and awkward realization of time passing and situations changing and the fact that both of you settled into a not so awkward small talk and still felt warmth of the other one’s present..

“Oh, there you go again.” You rolled your eyes at him with a dramatic sigh following closely all in a good sense of teasing.  God, it was Poe, adorable but still so cocky Poe.

“What?” He laughed loudly, the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes adorably boyish. This feeling was so familiar, just like when you were kids and could laugh about anything.

“The smug smile again.” You pointed out, one of your hands pulling out of the heavy jacket’s pocket you decided to wear tonight to quickly point your finger at his face.

“I am not smug.”

“You are.” You murmured it under the breath almost sure he didn’t hear it. 

“Yeah, I kinda am.” Were his dimples always so prominent? Was Dameron also so soft with you? You were sure he was, it fitted him like a tailored suit.

“You hurt me, y’know. It was really awful to hear the popular guy in class say it. Especially like that. And I think it hurt even more knowing it was you, that it wasn’t just some popular guy. It was you, Poe, my Poe.” You had to get a sort of closure on this, it couldn’t be erased but it could be understood and put in a box to be forgotten.

“I am so sorry, sweetheart.”

“I like you. Well, I liked you.” At those words his breath hitched or you thought you heard it do so. 

“Oh.” You could feel him staring again, so many stares given to you in one night so many years later. His gaze not faltering for even a second before he finally turned away.

 “I really fucked up that time right?” There was a pregnant pause before he could get the words out. Now completely aware of his mistakes just like you were of yours. Two silly idiots realizing how both of them fucked up but wanting to mend old wounds.

“Hm.” You hummed in acknowledgement, not really knowing what more to say to him. 

 “God, I wish I could strangle my past self and just yell at him and shit. Your crush likes you back, so like- DON’T fuck it up, y’know?” And while those words escaped between you he did the weirdest gesture, as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands. A motion of holding someone's neck shaking his hands while gripping at air. He looked absolutely ridiculous, but in the end he was just trying to make you laugh. That was what he always did when the two of you were fighting as kids.

“Hm.” His blabbering worked like a magic, small smile appearing on your face as if out of spell before you glanced at him.

“We could try again?” That wasn’t something you had anticipated, no, you actually kinda hoped for it but didn’t want to get disappointed. Poe must have sensed it and was wearing this stupid upside grin just for your smile to stay in place.

 “Not completely, of course. But like new me and new you being friends again kind of repeat?” There was no way for you to prevent the smile widening at your face, cheeks almost hurting how hard you tried not to grin.

“Does it make sense?” His eyebrow now furrowed in a pensive state. “No, I probably worded it badly, wait-, I think-” Poe Dameron was blabbering and he was so cute while doing so. But you needed to stop him and so you helped him by answering before he would get lost in the maze of his own words. “I would love that.”

“Good”. Again, the sheepish smile you so loved seeing on his face, giving Poe more of that boyish charm you were used to. You could feel his gaze now unintentionally slipping away from you for the first time in the night. It didn’t feel right. It felt colder now, as if the sun was no longer beaming at you. And then you have realized. He had seen you the whole time, even at the time you thought there was not much worth seeing. 

And for a moment you were sure there was no going back to being friends with him because you simply couldn’t. Because when he looked at you with a stare not leading thousand miles away from you but here with you, really staring at you. You couldn’t not feel the warmth and you couldn’t stop thinking about him holding your hand and more and you knew it was absolutely crazy. It was so crazy ‘cause you haven’t talked to each other properly since maybe early years of highschool and you didn’t really know him anymore. But you knew the little Poe, your Poe and you knew the idea of Poe you wanted and now you knew the Poe in front of you, at least a bit, and you also knew in the end you couldn’t give up.

You were called back into reality with a loud ringing sound, like an alarm waking you up from a dream. Harsh, loud and causing you to freaking out. By the time you were present again Poe was already fumbling with his jacket’s pocket. 

“Sorry.” You almost didn’t hear those words being mumbled. You were too concentrated on Poe and his furrowed brow with little line forming in between them. 

His hand finally gripped the small device pulling it free from the fabric. He looked quickly at the screen and scolded, probably not so keen to answer the caller but he did it anyway. And before he could talk, you could hear yelling over loud music.“Oi! Poe, we are looking for you!” 

Oh, these must be Poe’s friends.

“Sorry,” He laughed again, this night was truly so full of his laughter and you liked it too much.“I met an old friend from high school and we are catching up, you know how it gets.” He looked up at you and smiled before distancing himself a few steps away.

“Get your stupid ass back to the party, asshole!” This time it was the voice of some woman, she was loud, trying to yell over the music and probably standing a bit away from the phone of the caller.

“Hm, I don’t think I will,” he turned your way with a smile, thinking you didn’t hear what his friend yelled over the phone,”I have a lot of catching up to do.” He told her softly and that was the last thing you could hear before he walked a bit away. He traced the line of the sidewalk mindlessly swinging his other arm while he kept talking on the phone. And then he finally ended the call with a silent bye.

Eh?

Poe would really rather spend time with me and catch up or argue over the past than be with his friends?

You expected him to end your talk as soon as he answered the phone, leaving you in the ice cold street and running back to the party to get drunk with his buddies. But he really did decline the offer just so he could spend more time with you.

“Ah, it was too cheesy, sorry.” He wasn’t apologetic at all, you could clearly tell by the wolfish grin. 

He first fumbled with his phone for a bit, it looked like he turned off notifications on it, before he put it back into his pocket. And then was all his attention on you again, making your insides twist in a happy feeling.

“So, what’s this Brazil thing about?”

FUCK!

Scratch the happy part; it was only nervousness now.

“Is it your little quirk?” And now he was staring at you fully again, making you squint in your clothes, not completely uncomfortable just not used to it. Some part of you even loved it, all the attention Poe gave you in the last what? 30minutes? Super fan of it. You couldn’t get enough. 

God, I hope this never ends. I hope some divine power can just put me into a loop where he is staring at me and smiling and all over again. I love this feeling more than anything. Wait, what was he saying?

“You know, your chewing loudly thing.” He tapped your elbow with his to catch your attention again. His eyes saying Come on, don't get lost on me. Waiting patiently for you to get your head straight.

“Oh.”

Oh. He is still really funny. 

“Yeah. Sort of?” Laugh escaped your lungs again, you were not sure yourself. Quirks were supposed to be kinda funny, right? Well, chewing loudly is not kinda funny so not really. “Yeah, I guess? I am not really sure actually.” Another laugh this time ripping right from your heart, nervous and twitching, ready to be swatted away as unwanted. 

“Cool.”

Oh. 

And there it was again. The incredible warmth spreading inside, anxiety turning from hard cold ice into a puddle and evaporating away over the heat Poe created in you.

Maybe it could actually work. Yeah, let’s try again. 

[rocketyship]

That poll is so hard to vote for cause on one hand, it feels like Tiff would fit the best because of her incredibly unreliable narration matching Ted's while it would still be a subversion of the original because of the reason why she's unreliable(rose tinted glasses and extreme devotion to BE as opposed to the stuff Ted's got going on) and her pov on and relationship with BE would just be so fun to see explored and the horror of the situation being a subtle thing thats swept under the rug could be so cool.

But on the other, Evan would also kinda match with the original due to his open emotional distance and disconnect from the girls, AND it would bring a lot of fun, fresh stuff! Seems like Evan is the one who pays most attention to AM, and seeing what's happening there from his pov would be so interesting! He, just like Ellen if she would've narrated could bring up how things like being the only one of the opposite sex and gender in the group and (from what we know from the short story at least) only dark skinned person would like.. idk change perspectives on things?? I'd also love to find out more about him!

Oh, not to mention Naomi!! Having narration that is pretty damn reliable would make worldbuilding and exploration much easier and she's also got that disconnect due to her age and crystal clear memory, being able to see things as they are and were could be really refreshing in a ihnmaims universe and i really want to know what her whole deal is! Being born toward the end of the war must've made quite a difference to how a person would process everything, Ted's whole "I'm youngest so my experience is different because i barely had time to live as an adult before the nukes" wouldn't have shit on someone who wasn't even like... done w puberty.

Ooooh they'd all make for such fun narrators 😭 It's really too bad that writing takes so much time and effort or it would've been amazing to see all three's povs! I still don't know what to vote for or how the results are looking so far but im really looking forward to seeing what the results will lead to!

Maybe you have a character you have the most ideas for or would like to write most? Cause if so, that'd def help me choose what to vote.

Sorry for the wall of text(would you believe me if i said i wanted to write more? This is me trying to show restraint, didn't even write about the potential AM could have as a narrator), and i hope you have a good day!

Okay so first off, I love-love-love this response. You have such fun perspectives on these silly little au characters of mine and it makes me a little sad that you didn’t write anymore cause I definitely would have read it, especially what you were thinking about what an interesting narrator AM could be.

As to which character I have the most ideas for, is such a difficult thing to answer cause well I have so-so many. But I do want to put them out there for you so here they are:

Tiffany: narration wise, I imagine the stuff she says can and does come across as nonsensical and border line trigger happy, however sometimes she occasionally lets something slip that clues into her true feelings and that a part of her may indeed be aware of the gravity of the groups situation, however she shuts it down as she has severe attachment issues and cannot fathom how she could possibly survive without BE. Another thing I pictured is that she very often quotes the bible and other religious texts, as BE doesn’t present herself as machine and genuinely as a divine entity. I also have been toying with a scene similar to the one in the radio drama, where AM is talking to Ted about bumblebees and getting high r something. Where it is set up as the reverse. BE showing Tiff the horrors of what the radiation and world has come to (in a way that is seriously deceptive) and claiming that all she has to do is snap her fingers for it to return. It would definitely read as a story where there is total tonal whiplash from one scene to the next, so that is something to consider.

Evan: I have come up with so many pasts for all these survivors before they were “rescued” by BE, however one thing to note is that I don’t really think of these characters as just “genderbent versions of the originals”. Evan is one of the key examples of this, as in this au he is technically the original Ellen’s older brother, however he left home when she was around 12-13ish, as he didn’t like the life, college and job his family set out and tried to push him into. Unlike Ellen who was a successful engineer, who may have been a hopeless romantic based on the original text. Evan was and very much still is kind of a massive party animal. I picture him very punk but like the old kind of punk. Like he was the kind of guy to go motorcycling around the country (even into war-devastated bits, cause it was a thrill), he went to underground clubs and concerts, and sure as heck slept around and had no shame in it (both women and men if you are curious). He doesn’t want to get sentimental, he wants to live his life on the edge and BE doesn’t allow that. He constantly tries to upset her, get some kind of intense reaction from her. He tries to escape, he kicks and tries to tear open parts of her internal network. This man has tried to kill Gloria (Gloria kind of deserves it thou) and the only reactions he gets from BE is her finding him cute, amusing, or as if he just needs to be put in a corner to calm down for a bit. Truthfully he is someone who just wants to go back and experience life again, recognising that BE’s utopia isn’t living and refusing to buy into it.

Naomi: I won’t lie, Nimdok is so boring in the og story, and they definitely tried to do “something” with him in the game. I don’t like it, again different ramble. So like Evan, she is a different person. Like you said she has barely started puberty and because of BE neither her body or even her mind has really aged in anyway and she is horribly aware of this. Due to the war she has had her childhood taken from her, but now because of BE she shall never experience adulthood or growing up. Her memory hardly anything particularly helpful. She remembers exactly what BE did to the others when they first got brought to the compound, she has seen what goes down in the labs, she knows what pills are and aren’t sleeping pills, developing a habit where she will pretend to take one and spit it out if she is able to. As stated in the survivors master post, she knows BE’s blind spots and will often go there on her own. Not really to do anything, just kind of sit around. Further more, she and Evan have a way of communicating, number of blinks, which fingers moved when you spoke to them, that kind of stuff. Still she doesn’t want to escape, she knows she’ll die if she does, generally she acts more like a mediator in the group. As a narrator, I did have this idea for a few odd habits she has learned over the years. Example is that she constantly counting, time and routine is import to her, as she notices when something is wrong and that freaks her out. She also has this habit of just staring at the others for very long periods of time, especially Gloria. She clearly remembers seeing her on tv during her old life, and also remembers how she attacked her when Naomi attempted to mention it to Gloria.

Writing does take so much effort, especially for me, cause truthfully I’m always jumping back and forth on what I’m working on. On top of this au and the fic, I’m also in the process of finishing the final script and sketches for a different web comic I’ve been planning for a while, as well as a completely unrelated world building project that I’ve been at for two years now. Anyhow!! Tell me more please