#gothamite rp

[your-local-gothamite]

let it be known that evan cheats at hide and seek

no i will not be elaborating, thank you for your time

[goldenbooster]

Yeah, it’s me. Booster Gold. I’m pretty much the coolest superhero you’ll ever meet.

Have a question for the most handsome Justice League International member? Send it my way and I’ll answer it.

[beechaotic]

Okay, I was just patrolling Crime Alley, right? I do that sometimes with other goons. Red Hood can’t be everywhere at once. (But he never lets me go alone, for whatever reason).

I get to The Edge, and I see Stabby Robin. He’s fighting a criminal, but he’s on his side, so it’s no biggy.

Well, the criminal RUNS INTO CRIME ALLEY. Like an IDIOT. And Stabby Robin tries to follow them. Also like an idiot.

I shout at both of them “GET YOUR ASSES OUT IF CRIME ALLEY YOU ASSHOLES!” And start trying to fight the criminal. Now, most Bats would see this as what it is, a goon of Red Hood helping out. Stabby did not. Stabby tried to get between me and the criminal to fight them himself. He said something about “letting the trained professionals handle this” (I wasn’t really paying attention).

I tried to remind him that Crime Alley is HOOD’S turf, and that Bats and Birds aren’t allowed here. He ignored me. So what’d I do? I simply grabbed him, took his sword, shoved him over the threshold and returned to beating the shit out of the criminal.

Apparently he didn’t like that, because he tried coming back in. Saying something about “Putting myself at risk”. I just shouted “Hypocrite!” and continued doing my task. The goon with me handled keeping Stabby Robin out of Crime Alley while I was taking care of the criminal.

Now Stabby Robin is always up my ass about EVERYTHING, and keeps trying to find something criminal about me. Literally the only illegal thing I do is work for Red Hood.

I think he thinks we have a rivalry going on, but I just want to do my fucking job. What is my job? Beat criminal ass, close portals to other dimensions (with the help of some friends I made across the multiverse; I can’t close portals myself), and keep Bats and Birds out of Crime Alley.

Anyway, he’s really getting on my nerves. Anyone have any advice on how to deal with a 14 y/o who thinks you’re more criminal than you actually are? Also, yes, I did give him his sword back. I’m not a heathen.

[taming-bats]

need data for a podcast

[hannahhook7744]

Only in Gotham memes part 5;

Part 5 to my Only in Gotham memes. Again, mainly ocs. Part 1 can be found here and part 2 can be found here. And part 3 can be found here and part 4 can be found here.

Tag list: @a-confused-void

🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

(Yeah. So warning; if you're a new vigilante in Gotham, make sure to be seen with Batman at least once or you will be hit with a wooden board. Don't ask how I know).

(These arguments are funny to watch, trust me).

(Vigilantes and villians and random civilians who get caught up in battles know this feeling well).

(I guess this extends to Metropolis and Central city villian kids as well as gotham villian kids but still qualifies as an 'Only in Gotham' moment).

(It's accurate and you know it).

(If anyone shows this to Nightwing, we're gonna have to fight).

(The one thing Hero and Villian kids can suffer through together).

(I've had this conversation more times than you'd think would be necessary).

(Honestly, what did Arkham think would happen?)

[ace-in-gotham]

Okay sooo... somebody named The Scarecrow started following me. Should I be scared??

Also if you are really him.

Hiii? Nice to meet you??

[dumbassluci]

guys I’m finally back schools been kicking my ass on an totally unrelated note does anyone know if I can access Harley Quinn’s notes and perhaps the papers she’s written

[trashcan3001]

Is this normal?

yo so I'm walking down the street to my apartment and I pass by this crime scene and I shit you not this is the conversation the GCPD people had:

cop 1: You are terrible at this! I know you're just a joker goon going undercover, but the least you can do is make sure you know the skills of your disguise!

cop 2: *insert shocked and flabbergasted Brucie Wayne meme*

cop 1: What? You aren't the only one who's a villian's goon undercover, half the damn precinct is just goons undercover: GET WITH THE PROGRAM

I left after that and now I just wanna know, is this the usual for Gotham cause I have only been here for a year and you know what? If this is true, it answers SO MANY questions!

[jon-cantlain]

what is your opinion on each of the Wayne's?

oh that'll be good

bruce is a bit slow and i never understand what he's saying when he goes on about some rich stuff, but he's cool to my dad and always gives me candy

dick is awesome he always shows me cool tricks and acrobatics shit when I'm there and he knows all of my secrets, so if we ever stop being friends I'd have to wipe his memory

jason is cut off but in a good way, he's like the emotionally unavailable teenage sister i never had

tim is kind of annoying sometimes but he's a great friend when needed and is very smart and knows how to fix almost everything

damian is my best friend so of course I'll say he's amazing although sometimes he doesn't get my jokes and i gotta stand there waiting for him to just not laugh at all

cass is cool, she's all quiet but is very sweet and i know she'd beat anyone's ass if needed

steph is like that single aunt that's always around for the food and alcohol, but i like her she's fun

duke is chill, he always has some nice stuff to say and never gets mad at me for breaking his stuff. or maybe it's cause dick takes the blame every time

alfred is like that ancient creature that everyone knows is real but doesn't know why or how, so we'll obey him otherwise who knows what that old fella is capable of

conner is my stepbro but he's also dating tim so ig that makes him a wayne too. he's a jerk when he's awake, but he's still my bro and I'd do anything for him

bart is dating connor and tim and tbh idk much about him just that he always looks like a caffeinated squirrel

roy is cool but i get the feeling he's up to some criminal stuff like jaywalking

wally gotta be the most normal guy there, maybe one day I'll wake up and find out that he's a government agent undercover or something

barbara is not a wayne but shes always in the gd manor so she either works there as tech support or shes cursed to never leave

and now there's ric.. don't know him that much yet but he's with duke, so how bad can he be?

[dp-clarkjkent]

I am currently writing an article on cloned individuals in both Gotham and Metropolis. I'd like to research whether our cities' government offers the same care and rights to those who were cloned (inevitably) against their will.

If any cloned individual reads this and wishes to give a statement, please reach out. It's very important to contribute to a better society.

[your-local-gothamite]

hey so uhh guess who went on a date with an aspiring supervillain (i’ll give you a hint their name starts with e and ends with vie)

[goth-pod]

Goth-Pod Ep 5: Gotham Troubles

Welcome Back! Listening to you send ins, Juda Boone talks about things by Gothamites, for Gothamites!

[goth-pod is a fictional in-universe podcast based on the DC comics universe. Juda Boone is an original fictional character, not based on any real person or known comic book character.]

Transcript under the cut

Hello everyone and welcome to Goth-Pods special trials and troubles episode! I’m an indie theater’s take on the ghost of Christmas Present- and your host, Juda Boone. 

We're looking at your submitted trademark Gotham problems. So without my usual ramblings, lets get to business

—

For our first submission username Trekkle brought up a good debate: Subway vs Bus: The Subway is safer, since buses can get hit during rogue attacks, but if you're stuck underground there's a chance of a killer croc attack and also the birds ride the roof. 

Fantastic points, Trekkle! Thank you for writing in. I don't know exactly what you mean by the birds riding the roof, though. Do you mean Robin? Because I have been on the tram while a fight was happening between Robin and The Penguin on top. Of course, I missed most of it because I had my headphones in. Noise cancellation has its pros and cons in Gotham.  

There’s no set answer on this one, I don’t think. You kind of have to pay attention to what Rouges are active the way you pay attention to the weather. Cloudy with a 70% chance of a Riddler scheme? Maybe take the Buses, since they’re not connected to a maze-like system like  the subways are. But maybe it's sweater weather with a possible freeze-over because Victor Fries broke out two nights ago and is due for a showy return. Then an underground bunker with cushy seats doesn’t sound too bad.

—

From Clexx we have: I'm new to Gotham (full ride scholarship, thank you Mr. Wayne): Why does everyone hate Superman? I tried to get answers from a friend and they called Superman a Homewrecker. Is there an infidelity scandal around Superman I don’t know about??

Oh wow. First of all, congratulations on the scholarship! I'm assuming you're attending Gotham U? Just be sure you get a proper Rogue-proof gas mask. Yes there is a difference. It’ll probably be covered in your Orientation though, so onto the main question. 

To the Homewrecker comment.. oh I didn’t think it’d come to this. Okay, there's this thing in Gotham. Clexx, have you ever heard of Bruceman? Ask your friend about it, they’ll probably love to explain more. Basically it is a Real-Person based Ship on Gotham’s two protectors, Bruce Wayne and Batman. One watching over the day, the other the night. 

This is another Topic that might take all episodes to explain, so to keep it short: People see Superman and Batman’s relationship- professional, platonic, romantic, or however they define it- as a threat to Bruceman, the number one Gotham Ship. Godspeed if you get between our beloved prettyboy himbo and our odd night-stalking cryptid. 

—

From Allison: My cousin is visiting and I want to show them why I stay in Gotham. Where can we go for 1) a low level rogue attack (for Bat sighting), and 2) where can we go for a Wayne sighting. (They think Dick Grayson is hotter then Brucie [eye-rolling emoji])

For the first one, I think any part of our public transport system will do, as we discussed before. The tricky part is knowing when it’s going to be low-level or if your cousin will be joining you in a shelter-in-place lockdown.

For a Wayne sighting, unfortunately it’s harder to say these days. Bruce Wayne has made several statements on how he’s spending less time at the company in order to focus on bonding with his new son, Jason. I hate to disappoint, but right now might not be the time for celebrity sight-seeing. Maybe take a day trip to Bludhaven! Your cousin might enjoy the chance to convince you instead. 

Thank you all for writing in and for joining us on this special episode! If we didn’t get to your submission, head over to our socials to see if we replied there. I’m Juda, you’re listening to Goth-Pod

Until then, Newcomers, visiting cousins, locals on the bus, Stay safe, Gotham.

[goldenbooster]

Very Important question for my fans! Who is your favorite Justice League member, and why is it me?

[beechaotic]

Okay, so, we just met our neighbor for our new apartment. His name is Jason, and he’s single. No kids, no apparent family who hang around, nothing. Well, he figured that he would say hi and see what was up. Thankfully, Msrs and Fire Fists are 18 now, so we didn’t have to worry about explaining the whole “Foster Care is A Bitch for Metas/Other Minorities” thing. We might have lied and said that Mars was our legal guardian, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Anyway, he’s a chill dude. He’s teaching us how to cook, too. We’ve usually eaten canned food and stuff we could make over a hot plate/fire, so this is really fucking new for us. He also brought over a really delicious pie and I am LIVING for it. (Also, I apparently am really bad at cooking. Not my fault it’s easy to get sidetracked mid-frying).

We invited him to a local burger joint that we frequent (that totally isn’t a front for Hood’s business) and he actually said yes! We promised to pay, don’t worry. Well, I’ll keep you updated on New Neighbor Jason as things arise.

Hopefully I figure out why he looks familiar…

[gothamghostwhispers]

“You’re right… my father is watching… I know exactly what song I want present with him in mind”

Artem changes out what instrument they’re using. The salt crunching under their feet and the cage sways slightly as they move about.

“He didn't mean to scream

Then what does he mean?

I'm not who he thinks I am”

The congregation already seems restless hearing the opening but Micheal quiets them with a wave of his hand.

“Trapped in his anger, one way road

Familiar blood I hold alone

I won't be who he is

The apple's falling from the-

The apple's falling from the tree

But he's in the driver's-“

Artem changes instruments but they feel their head throb, lips in the crowd quietly muttering along as they project the complicated emotions surrounding their father. That makes sense. Everyone here probably has complicated feelings about their parents.

“The check engine light is blinking brighter

And I wasn't raised to be a fighter

But it only takes a spark to blow”

The recall the last time they saw their father as their dad. The confusion and betrayal.

“I won't be who he is

And I wasn't taught to tame the driver

Just how to delay the raging fire

That turn signal's ticking

Ticking, ticking

Ticking 'til (I will be who he is)

He's in the driver's seat

He's in the driver's seat”

Tears well up in their eyes and they’re not alone. Some of the ones not as effected, who can’t relate to the foreign feelings are starting to whisper to one another

“I am his rage

Inherit the engine and leak, no mistake

I am the warning

The blaring that won't let you sleep in peace”

Artem moves to the center of their gilded cage, pressure was building behind their eyes. Some who are mumbling along with the song are being shuffled out.

“I am his only

The little fist bruising the wheel and switching seats

I'm biting my own tongue”

As they take a deep breath for this emotional climax, the rage and disappointment and longing for connection- blood begins to trickle down their face.

“I am my father's lost son

He's in the driver's seat I won't be who he is

He's in the driver's seat I will be who he is

I'm in the driver's seat the apple's falling from the tree

I'm in the driver's seat the apple's falling from the tree”

As the song slows down, a different cocktail of emotions gets stirred. Fear and worry that they’ll fail as a parent and be like their father.

“I didn't mean to scream

Don't know what I mean

I'm not who you think I-“

Their blood drips onto their white dress and the salted floors and some of the members of the congregation seem to be excusing themselves. Ah… guess they weren’t ready to relate.