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slysidekick · 4 months ago

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Chenford Fanfic Recommendations:

Please make sure to read the ratings & tags before you read the fics.

Fanfics that feel like canon episodes

Exposed to a mysterious toxin after an attempted murder gone wrong and forced to wait for help to arrive, Lucy struggles to cope with her symptoms. But at least she doesn't have to do it alone. Or: the one where Tim is on the other side of the door.

Amnesia Fanfics

All That We Were by Kayla1 (Multi-chapter; this is a WIP but the author updates regularly. It’s currently my favorite fanfic, it’s so beautifully written).

What would Tim Bradford do if he woke up one day and realized the life he remembered wasn’t the one he was living?

Lucy gets amnesia after an assault during a manhunt. She doesn't remember anything that's happened in the past five years...including joining the LAPD and meeting Tim. He remembers everything.

Soulmate AU’s

TiMER soulmate AU for Chenford/Tucy

Inevitable: Suddenly, Finally by MeadowWard | In-complete | Multi-chapter | 121,355k | from Tim's point of view and sadly unfinished

TiMER soulmate AU for Chenford. Part two of the "Inevitable" series. Reading part 1 is not required to read part 2 since the stories run parallel to each other.

In a world where you feel the pain your soulmate feels, Lucy Chen grows up vowing to find her soulmate and never let anyone hurt him ever again. Chenford shared pain-Soulmate AU

Soulmate AU where you have a telepathic bond with your soulmate, but what if Tim could hide it from her. Would he? How long would it last before he couldn't hold back any longer?

Canon-Divergent AU’s

T.O. Bradford’s Guide to Advanced Training by chenbegins

Tim Bradford has turned dozens of rookies into elite cops. But when he turns down a sergeant promotion to continue training Lucy Chen, the lines between mentor and student begin to blur. Under the guise of a specialized training program - just the two of them, 6 a.m. at a private gym - he convinces everyone (especially himself) that he's just making her exceptional. Professional. Controlled. Perfect. What Tim hasn't learned yet: some lessons can't be taught, and some feelings refuse to follow protocol.

Lucy's gaze darted down to his lips, then quickly back up to his eyes. “You couldn’t seduce me if you tried,” she said haughtily. “I, on the other hand, would have you wrapped around my finger in no time.” Tim shook his head and grinned smugly. “It would be so easy to seduce you, Boot.” He picked up his glass and ran his thumb over the condensation in slow, smooth circles before bringing it up his lips and finishing off the last of the whiskey in one long gulp. “If I wanted to.”

“The nurse I relieved this morning told me every time she came in last night, he was awake, watching you sleep. That’s a good man.” Lucy smiles. That’s Tim. OR — missing scenes and post-ep for Day of Death

Anchored in You by Kayla1 (Multi-chapter; WIP but the author updated regularly and this is one of my all time favorites).

Anyone looking for a fic where Tim suddenly gains the ability to hear Lucy's thoughts?? Given the fact that she's still his Rookie, Tim's probably going to be in for a surprise when secrets suddenly become nonexistent between them. ---------- Other officers can quote protocol all they want – he knows what it feels like to be trapped behind a wheel, desperate to know if the person next to you is still breathing. He’s lived it far too many times. Procedure doesn’t account for the sheer terror of those moments, the icy grip of helplessness. No checklist can. Which was why, when the world exploded in a symphony of squealing tires and shattering glass, Tim’s first coherent thought wasn’t about the pain in his chest where the seatbelt had caught him or the warm trickle of blood moving down his forehead from where his skull had connected with the window. It was about the rookie currently sitting in his passenger seat.

Lucy is told she can get Caleb's tattoo removed once it's fully healed. A lot can happen in six weeks. Alternates between Lucy & Tim's POV.

Lucy doesn't find out what it's like to kiss Tim until eight months after they start fucking.

There was a loophole on Lucy's last day as a rookie. After her end of shift she's not Tim's rookie anymore. And she won't be a P2 until roll call next morning. Which means Tim and Lucy have one night where technically he isn't in her chain of command in any way. What if they decide to have a little fun?

In which the Lopez-Evers wedding never gets interrupted, and Tim and Lucy end up doing a lot more than just dancing. Chenford S4 Friends-With-Benefits AU!

Tim tells Lucy she should have reported him for suicidal ideations based on what he said at the quarantine house. She fights back, but instead of sticking with him decides to ask for a new TO. Grey reassigns her to Nyla Harper. Tim quickly realizes what he's lost professionally. Then he starts to realize what he's lost personally. Season 2 and 3 AU canon divergence.

Lucy isn't having an easy time. She ends things with Chris, but it doesn't go smoothly. She worries her friendship with Tim won't recover from their UC operation and his push for them to move on - and away - from each other. In fact, Lucy’s not even sure what she wants any more. When she starts an unexpected friendship with Special Agent Brendon Acres, and gets an opportunity to play a key role in an LAPD- FBI joint investigation that takes her undercover with Brendon, Lucy and Tim are forced to face their feelings and fears.

What if Season 2 Lucy ended up in the future and met Season 7 Tim?

Saw some time travel fics and after someone asked on Reddit how S1 Tim would react if he saw S7 Tim, I wanted to explore it. Tim finds himself in 2025 and is in for a lot of surprises that may or may not break his brain. It won’t be overly supernatural or sci-fi-y!

Canon - Missing Scenes

A (mostly) canon-compliant collection of missing Chenford scenes & moments - the explicit version.

A (mostly) canon-compliant collection of missing Chenford scenes & moments.

Missing Chenford moments from season 5. Chapters can be read as one shots. They are chronologically ordered and fit into canon.

A story about Lucy and Tim's secret dating era. The entire story includes what we see in the series and what happens in between. The evolution of feelings from that nervous question about a first date to the mutual trust that we see just a few episodes later. From nobody knows anything until suddenly everyone knows Chenford is a thing.

Alternate Universe / Parallel Universe

AU - Tim & Lucy participate in a reality tv show where matchmakers select compatible spouses for the contestants. Tim & Lucy meet on their wedding day.

Rule #1 of surgical internship: Don't piss off the attendings. Rule #2: If you break Rule #1, do NOT get caught gossiping about said attending's crumbling marriage. Rule #3: When Rules #1 and #2 are thoroughly broken, and said attending makes your life a living hell, do NOT under any circumstances notice how unfairly good he looks saving children's lives. Lucy Chen is failing spectacularly at all three rules. Grey's AU. Intern!Lucy. Attending!Tim.

Supernatural Alternate Universe

He's married. That is, he's married again. Well, technically bonded. But essentially they're married. How's he going to break this to Lucy? --- Following the upheaval of Angela's kidnapping, Lucy accidently finds herself married to Tim. As his selkie bride. Lucy wonders if this is a sign to deepen their relationship while Tim worries about their new bond hurting Lucy. Featuring a straightforward Lucy, a protective Tim, and a mischievous bit of magic determined to get these two adorable idiots together.

Tim gets bitten by a werewolf... It completely changes not just his world, but Lucy's too.

**More to be updated later, I have a lot of bookmarks to sort through.**

#Chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #the rookie #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfic rec #fanfics #fanfic recommendations

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mercurial-chuckles · 2 months ago

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Permanence

Part 02: Distressing Transience

Pairing: Steve Rogers x F!Reader x Bucky Barnes | Stucky x F!Reader Warnings: Fluff | Angst | Angry & Grumpy Bucky | Mutual Pining | Eventual Poly Relationship | Eventual Smut Galore | Eventual Fluff Galore | ~3k | Canon Divergent | Nightmare | Bucky's Hydra-Related Trauma | Happy Ending (it's me!) Kept the warnings basic 'coz I don't wanna reveal too much. If angsty or mature content affects you, please refrain from reading | Unbeta'd | Lemme know if I'm missing anything! A/N: I'm excited for the great reveal in this. 🥰 This is based on a request. The OC version of this story will run in parallel, but since I got quite a few requests for a reader version, here it goes! Hope you enjoy! ✨ Take a moment to reblog or share your thoughts--it makes all the difference in the world. Note: Do not Steal, Copy, or Plagiarize any part of my work! Banner and Divider made by me in Canva. Picture credits to the internet! Thank you :) Check out my other works: Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Indulge Away!

Skovheim, Norway, 2011

It was bitterly cold. You draped the throw blanket from the couch, hoping to keep yourself warm.

You hated the cold. It reminded you of terrible times. Times of loss.

You'd pushed those thoughts away and went to check on the cake. Plum. Bucky's absolute favorite. You set the cake on the tray to let it cool.

Outside, the birch tree branches rattled on the kitchen window. The wind seemed to picked up. It had been raining since morning, which was rare for this time of year.

The tiny clock over the small island in the kitchen ticked past seven.

Bucky was never late.

Fear mounted you by the second. You turned off the light in kitchen to get a glimpse down the winding road. It was too hard to get a view through the fogged up window. The heavy rain blurred everything outside, but that was your only view. The sensors had stopped working and needed to be replaced. Bucky had installed several of them, starting from the point where the hidden road to your isolated home began, down at the base of the hill.

The cottage was located up the steep hill, hidden by luscious trees, with a patch of birch trees between the thick coverage. It was beautiful, to say the least, but most importantly, it was strategic. One side was shielded by the edge of the cliff, which overlooked the sea, and there was only one way of entry and no residences nearby.

You told yourself the roads were probably flooded--or maybe there were fallen trees. Bucky was a supersoldier; moving a tree or two would be nothing for him. Still, unease coiled tight in your chest. You could sense him, just like you had always known he was alive--even back when the world grieved Sgt. Barnes' heroic death in World War II. You knew Bucky was alive.

But you worried.

You were, after all, more human. Moments like this made you wish you had the power to teleport.

You didn't want him to go in the first place, but you were running low on groceries, and Bucky was fretting about replacing the sensors in the security system. Usually, night was a safer time to avoid interaction with the townsfolk. Also, Arne, your trusted contact, was to meet with Bucky in the town to deliver the equipment, monitors, transponders, sensors, and a few others. You hated that you couldn't convince Bucky to let you join. James Buchanan Barnes was a stubborn man, alright.

When you heard a distant rumble, you were unsure if it was just the whether; you could barely make the lights--one brighter than the other--of the pickup truck in the foggy downpour.

You ran and waited by the door. Your nerves wouldn't settle until you saw him. Standing by the door, you chanted, 'Come on. Come on.'

After a few minutes, you heard the shuffling behind the door. Then came the muffled creak of the floor. A groan behind the door frame made you freeze.

Silence.

You waited.

Then, two knocks. Two seconds apart.

Your body moved before you could breathe in relief, hand on the knob, waiting. He'd drilled it into your head: Never open unless you hear the knock.

You unlatched the door and let it swing open against the push of the wind.

Bucky stepped inside, closing the door behind him, with more force than necessary. Water dripped from the hem of his jacket, pooling on the wooden floor. The cap was soaked, plastered to his head, shadowing his eyes.

He didn't greet you with the usual, 'I'm here, I'm okay.' in that gentle tone like he usually assured you every time he returned.

You searched his eyes, worry wrecking your gut.

"I'm fine," Bucky muttered after a few seconds, eyes flicking to your face.

You let out a sigh of relief. He seemed off but you didn't think much about it, more worried that he was soaked to the bones.

"You're drenched," you said.

"It's pouring," he offered with a faint, bitter chuckle, trying to toe off his boots, but they were sloppy wet, squelching with the slightest movement.

"You don't say," you chuckled, crouching down to help him tug the boot off.

"I got it," he hissed sharply.

You stilled immediately, retrieving your hand and standing up. Bucky rarely got this way. After escaping from the clutches of Hydra, touch bothered him, but that was years ago. He never shied away from your touch. However, it seemed like he was past that. Now, your mind was back to worrying.

"Are you okay?" You asked softly. Bucky visibly stiffened. Your focus shifted to his right palm, fisted tightly around the box in his hand. Bucky seemed to notice you glance because he loosened his grip.

He carefully placed the plastic wrapped carton beside the door, along with two other bags, wordlessly.

You dragged the old chair from the dining table, the legs scraping softly across the wood. He lowered himself into the chair, broad shoulders hunched, clothes clinging to his body and accentuating his form. Bucky didn't meet your eyes, removing his shoes, almost tearing them off his feet.

Reaching for his cap, you gently tugged it off his head. He finally looked at you, and you were pretty sure he looked miffed.

"You'll get sick," you mumbled. You just needed to hug him.

"I don't get sick," he quipped.

You tutted, his mood firing up your frustration further, but you knew nothing would yield when he was in a mood.

You'd have to wait to ask questions later, once he showered and ate.

You'd have to wait for that hug.

"Hang up your things. I'll make you some tea. Don't take long in the shower," you said.

The stiffness in his shoulder became evident when he walked to the bathroom at the far end of the living room. That shoulder must be acting up again. You wondered if he'd let you ease the pain in peace or if you'd have to coax him into it. The cold always made it worse.

Gosh! You hated the cold!

By the time Bucky returned from the shower and changed into his joggers and Henley, you had mopped the floor and unpacked the groceries from the waterproof bags.

His hair was still wet, droplets falling. It was fricking cold, and this man didn't flinch. It bothered you how blatantly reckless he was with his health.

It bothered you how much he affected you, all while looking infuriatingly gorgeous. You'd rather not delve into those waters. It was a dangerous realm.

So, you ignored the trickling water droplets down the expanse of his neck and internally berated yourself. You handed him the cup of tea and turned to fetch a dry towel.

Bucky's gaze followed you when you walked to get another dry towel. You noticed him eyeing the cake when you returned.

"You're not getting a single piece unless you dry your hair right now," you said pointedly, pushing the towel toward him.

"Is that so," he sniggered, looking down at you. You caught the sly twitch of his pink lips before he turned to sit on the couch.

Bucky wasn't the man you remembered from the 40s--the playful, flirty, sassy, nerdy boy from Brooklyn. Hydra had changed him immensely so. It had been almost a decade since he escaped their clutches, a decade since you found him. He was healing slowly but surely. You'd like to believe that. You'd been through a lot, collectively as well as individually. So, the little glimpses of the lost man always rejoiced you. Eventually, he'd get there. He had to.

"Stop it, you'll hurt your neck," you chastised when you noticed him vigorously moving his head against the towel. You pulled the towel from his grasp, at least tried. Initially, Bucky didn't budge but he reluctantly let go. You smiled, victorious, as he slumped into the couch and sighed, letting you gently towel off his hair.

You knew he hadn't slept well last night. He'd nearly finished reading the book he had started--you'd noticed the bookmark in the morning.

Every time he had to go into the town, he got tense. Bucky wouldn't tell you, but you knew it. You'd been living and navigating through this life for a few years now. Though you were grateful he'd come a long way, Bucky still had a long winding road ahead to fully heal.

"That's how you do it, Sergeant Barnes," you jested, pulling his hair back into a small bun. He let out a satisfied hum, which made your stomach flip.

"Hand me that scrunchie."

He leaned over, tugging you gently along the couch as you held his hair together. That's when you noticed him flinching.

"Bucky?" You quickly tied his hair and moved around to sit beside him on the couch. You tried to reach for his hand, but he pulled away.

"Bucky," you prompted, this time pleading.

He sighed, pulling the sleeve of his right arm up over his veiny forearm, revealing a long gash of red and blue bruising that marred his skin. If his serum didn't already heal, it only meant the bruise was worse, to begin with.

"What happened?" You asked, worried and angry that he hadn't told you about it.

"It's nothing," he dismissed, "Got a flat, had to change the tire in the nasty weather. Hurt myself," he finished, already pulling away, but you held onto it with all your strength, fighting him. He didn't look guilty, unlike the other times when he hid his injuries or sufferings. He looked unapologetic.

"Bucky."

"I'm fine," he murmured.

"Shut up and stay put," You hissed, livid. This wasn't the first time, and you knew it wasn't going to be the last. Bucky loved to suffer, and he thought he was reaping all the consequences of his actions. You'd fight this war with him until you won despite losing the battles every now and then.

You cupped your palm over his bruise and closed your eyes, feeling the warmth emanate. You felt the faint, dizzying sensation. When you opened your eyes, the bruise faded, and the skin on his warm forearm looked normal, with no sign of the gash anymore.

Bucky's silence was telling, the sharp tick of the jaw and the crease between his brows, and you waited for a long moment, but he said nothing.

"What?" You asked, not being able to bear his silence anymore.

"Nothing." He bit out rather harshly.

"I can't see you hurt," those words hurtled before you could stop. In an attempt to belie your vulnerability--your love, you got up from there, hoping to fade your emotional turmoil. You blinked back the tears threatening to spill and made your way to the kitchen, willing your thoughts to quiet as you focused on heating up dinner.

"Bucky, dinner's ready," you called out, surprised to see him already near his bedroom door.

He paused, hand resting on the doorknob. "I'm not hungry," he remarked.

"I made your favorite cake," you added gently, trying to coax him. You hated it when he went without eating. He hadn't skipped a meal in a long time, not since the early days after escaping Hydra, when nausea haunted him daily. You knew too well that when the mind is in chaos, the appetite is usually the first thing to go.

"Not hungry," he repeated, more bitterly this time, before disappearing into his room and closing the door behind him.

You couldn't sleep--not until you knew he was. You'd gotten used to sleeping next to him. Just knowing he was there settled your nerves. You waited for hours, hoping to hear the gentle knock, the soft padding of footsteps, and the familiar 'Can I?'--a question that had become rhetorical over time. But he hadn't come.

You tried to read, but your focus kept slipping away. Feeling thirsty, you reached for your bottle, only to realize it was empty as you gave it a shake.

Ugh! You'd forgotten you'd downed the whole thing when you got hungry earlier in the night.

As you hopped off the bed, you talked yourself out of knocking on his door. But the moment you stepped into the living room, you heard him cry out.

With a sigh, you slid off the bed, quietly debating whether or not to knock on his door. You told yourself not to, and to wait for him to come to you when he was ready, even though you were sure something was wrong.

But the moment you stepped into the living room, a sound stopped you cold.

"NO. PLEASE. NO." Bucky was sobbing, groaning.

The bottle slipped from your hand as your heart leapt into your throat. You bolted for his room. The door was unlocked, thankfully. But he wasn't in bed.

You flicked on the table lamp. The soft light fell over his figure, curled on the floor, trembling.

"Buck. Hey, hey…it's okay," you said quickly, crouching beside him and reaching for his face.

"NO. Not you," he cried, grabbing your wrist in a panic.

"It was just a dream," you said, wiping his tear-streaked face.

He caught your hands and pressed your palms against his cheeks. Then he pulled you into his lap, arms tight around you.

"You're hurt," he gasped, frantic, inspecting your neck and arms, turning your hands over, searching.

"Bucky," you said gently, blinking your tears away.

"I'm alright. It was just a nightmare." You reminded.

His chest heaved, "I… I thought…" But the words broke off as he crushed you to him, sobbing into your shoulder. You held him just as tightly.

After a while, you whispered, "I'll get you some water." But he wouldn't let go.

"Okay. Okay… just lie down with me," you murmured. "I'm not going anywhere."

With you in his arms, he rose from the floor without so much as a flinch. You clung to him instinctively, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as he carried you to the bed. You held on as he gently laid you down, then climbed in beside you, immediately curling himself around you. His fingers found yours, intertwining them softly.

"I got you, Bucky. Always," you whispered, feeling his tear-streaked face pressed against your temple. Your right palm settled over his heart, feeling it slowly begin to calm beneath your touch.

In an attempt to calm him, you talked about random things--from constellations to the book you'd been reading, which you thought was horrible, and why. He let out a throaty chuckle when you told him you should seriously reconsider the situation with Gollum, the alpine hare you both named, who visited your humble garden now and then and caused a ruckus.

Eventually, you convinced him to let you make some tea, and he followed you to the kitchen without a word.

"Buck…" you started, unsure.

You slid the mug toward him. He leaned onto the counter and slowly sipped. You studied him for a long moment and then asked softly, "What happened out there?" You were pretty sure something was bothering him.

He didn't answer immediately. Bucky took a few slow sips.

"I saw Hagen," Bucky said finally, eyes fully focused on you.

You stilled, staring at him wide-eyed as things clicked into place. The subtle hostility when he'd returned home that evening. The nightmare that followed. It all made sense now. You had chalked it all up to the rain--he was soaked through when he walked in. You should've guessed that his silence was more telling than his words. You didn't expect this though.

The odds of that encounter were next to none tonight. That was what you'd counted on.

Exactly five days ago, when Bucky made the trip to the city to place an order with Arne, the electronics guy, you'd ventured alone into town, breaking his most sacred rule--never go anywhere without me.

But you lived in a far corner of nowhere, surrounded by mountains and mist, and the town was safe even if Bucky thought otherwise.

Mr. and Mrs. Hagen, who owned the small bookstore you frequented, were kind people. That day, you'd noticed how worn Mr. Hagen looked. When you gently asked if he was okay, he told you Mrs. Hagen's health was failing. And when he asked if you wanted to see Mrs. Hagen, you agreed. Mrs. Hagen was a lovely lady. You and Bucky visited the store every now and then, hoarding books as you both enjoyed reading, and Mrs. Hagen often added a couple of books onto the pile for free. 'You can never have enough books.'

"He thinks it was a miracle," Bucky said flatly. "Said you visited," He bit out loud.

But you said nothing.

Bucky stared at you. His jaw tightened. "It fucking makes sense why you looked off that day. You know the price of using your gift."

"She was dying, Buck," you said quietly, looking away. "I couldn't walk away."

"And what about...you?" His voice dropped lower. "What happens when someone gets a whiff?" He gritted out.

You chanced a look at him. The shadow above him from the kitchen light cut sharp lines across his face, making him look like a sculpted god. Albeit an angry-looking god.

"She was suffering," you repeated, moving your gaze onto the foggy kitchen window, rain still pelting.

"That doesn't matter," he snapped. Bucky stepped forward, his right hand finding your elbow as he tugged you toward him. You didn't resist.

"Look at me." Bucky gritted out, frustration marring his features.

Your gaze rose slowly to meet his, guilty.

"What were you thinking?" he asked sharply. You could sense his pain.

"I was thinking she would've died."

"And I'm thinking I can't lose you too," he thundered, like the sky outside. His arm slipped around your back, his grip tightening as he pulled you closer.

You wanted to argue. You wanted to remind him that you were strong, more than human. That you'd lived in the harsh world alone for decades, that you went into the clutches of Hydra's lair to find him, that you weren't the one people should be afraid of. But your mother's words rang loudly in your head, 'Sweetheart, sometimes what makes you powerful is exactly what makes you vulnerable…hunted.'

Feeling utterly helpless, your shoulders dropped. You couldn't see people suffer. You carried a lot of regrets yourself. The fact that you didn't find Bucky soon enough after he fell off the train, the fact that you should've stopped Steve from getting the serum. If Steve hadn't, he would not have sacrificed his life. Those haunted you every damn day. So, what if you alleviated Mr. and Mrs. Hagen's suffering. It brought you peace.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, burying your face into his chest.

He sighed into your hair, kissing you tenderly.

"I need you to resist helping people," he pleaded.

"I don't know how Buck," you whispered, holding him tightly.

Bucky dreaded love more than he ever feared Hydra. While he mourned the love he had lost--Steve--he also mourned not being the kind of man you deserved.

The way you saved him persistently, and resurrected him after Hydra, with years and years of patience. It was beyond his understanding. Gosh! You could totally beat Steve when it came to being stubborn.

He watched you, relaxed in his arms, deep in sleep.

His Angel!

Sometimes, it was hard to believe that you were by his side. His fingers traced your cheek, and you leaned into his touch.

Bucky knew he was a selfish man because he'd never said he loved you out loud, afraid he'd cause an imbalance in the perfect ecosystem. Because he knew you loved him. And even if you never explicitly worded your love, you defined it in every little action. It pained him how deeply you loved him despite what he'd done.

In the late hours of the night, when he curled up beside you--nightmares as an excuse--he'd usually think of a better tomorrow. One where he'd repented the doings of a man in his mind who he'd been unwillingly sharing space with. Where he could love you the way you deserved. Where Steve was still alive, and you all lived in a world where freedom wouldn't be weighed by norms. But fate couldn't be that forgiving, right?

Bucky still hoped and prayed for forgiveness--for the actions he had unwittingly committed. He tried to be a better man every day.

Bucky was protective of you--territorial might befit. But the fact was, you protected him every day. From himself. From his nightmares. You were his salvation.

You shifted, turning more into his side, still deep asleep, slipping your hand around his waist. Bucky chuckled softly, clutching the oversized T-shirt on the little of your back, and pulled you closer.

God! You were divine. So far out of his league. Did you even know that?

He could literally kill for you. And he was close to committing that heinous act that very evening.

He'd gone to the bookstore to buy the book you'd been waiting for, only to overhear Hagen talking about you and 'miracle' in the same breath. The fear hit him instantly. For a moment, he stood frozen, staring at the wrinkled man. A sinister thought crawled into his mind: kill Hagen and his wife. Make it look like a robbery.

Then, Bucky thought of you and felt utterly disgusted with himself for even thinking of it. He wasn't that person, and he'd never be him again. He fled from there as fast as he could, terrified of himself.

He wondered if he could ever truly be the man you deserved. He highly doubted it. But the fact was, he couldn't let you go. He'd already lost Steve. He couldn't fathom losing you, too.

Bucky loved you. With every tiny, broken piece of himself--he loved you.

He moved closer, admiring your peaceful face and enveloping himself in your intoxicating scent.

You were so goddamn delicate. So mesmerizingly pretty. It was up to him to safeguard you.

You'd wake up in a few hours. You hadn't eaten because he hadn't. And he'd been a fucking prick all evening. You'd even baked him his favorite cake, but he'd been too cooped up in his head, too angry at you for being so reckless. Didn't you understand he couldn't live without you?

He'd make your favorite breakfast and apologize. Maybe you'd kiss him on the cheek like you had yesterday. That little kiss where you'd rise on your toes and tug him down gently always made him feel alive.

Bucky leaned in, and placed a small kiss on your forehead. Your scent enveloping him, a medicine to his wounded thoughts and shattered soul. In the confines of his mind, he whispered, 'I love you,' perhaps too loudly for your heart not to hear.

Fic-a-boo Part 03: Perennial Embers The phone rang three times before it was picked up. "Pepper Potts speaking." "Hi...Umm. Hi, Pepper," you said, your voice a little shaky, "I need to cash in that favor."

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thesleepyhollows · 6 months ago

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Understanding Arkhamverse scarecrow.

I’ve been wanting to make this post for awhile. I think with the release of Arkham shadow we might finally have all the necessary pieces to understand the life of Jonathan crane, his motivations and his descent into obsession.

This scene gives us a lot to work with.

Let’s start with this. It seems like unlike some versions of crane who see fear as a tool. The true face of control and power. Arkhamverse Crane sees fear as everything. This has been observed all throughout the series. From him discussing how fear drives every human action in Arkham asylum to this line in Arkham knight just before he’s defeated.

Something else I noted in that clip was Jonathan immediately trying to rationalise and analyse his reaction to his toxin using fear.

Now we’re not quite sure what this original chemical of his does. Only that its intention is to trigger the shadow within people. We can assume through both his and Batman’s reactions that it aims to do this through a similar process to the future fear toxin. Bringing out and facing people with their deepest fears. Hoping they may become them.

Though that leaves the same question. Why jump to fear. He’s clearly talented in chemistry. Surly there would be more direct ways to bring out people’s demons rather than only focusing on a single part of the shadow. Well I believe that shows us even before this realisation Jonathan had some experience and issues with fear. It’s also why his greatest fear seemingly is just. Fear itself. The helpless fears given to us from evolutions and experiences long before our time. Inherent fears.

However we also shouldn’t disregard his fixation on the shadow itself. Why does he seemingly want to get people to become their worst selves. As seen in his tapes with Harvey. Why is Jonathan crane like this?

Well I think there may have been a time where he saw someone consumed by fear. Destoryed by it.

This could draw an interesting parallel to the story of Amadeus Arkham whose story started when he watched his own mother be consumed by her mental illness before ending up consumed by it himself. I think this parallel could make a lot of sense given that I’d argue although the joker plays a more personal threat scarecrow is the main villain of the Arkham series.

So allow me to tell you what I believe to be the story of Jonathan Crane in the Arkham series. Assuming that the brief backstory we got in his Arkham asylum character bio isn’t considered canon.

A parent or other caregiver suffered from great anxiety and paranoia that caused them to do great harm. Maybe overtime perhaps in one tragic incident. Jonathan internalised this and began to grow interested in the mind. Maybe it started with good intentions. After all he does claim to be helping people in Arkham shadow. Maybe that was a lie and he’s been twisted for a very long time. Who knows.

He began work at Gotham state university and we know how that ended up.

Though it’s worth noting he clearly was brilliant. So much so that this incident unlike most versions of the character did not get him fired because his classes brought the university so much revenue. Instead he left on his own accord to take over as head of rehabilitation at blackgate. An odd choice given the amount of institutions bidding over him. They were likely offering more, far more than the job he took. Though I think his motivations for this were split. Partly is of course the obvious motivation of easy access to test subjects that couldn’t easily speak out. We can see in the previous game that he was running controlled tests likely of the chemicals we see used in Arkham shadow and his subjects were willing participants.

Now either not enough people were choosing to participate or the effects were becoming so potent it risked drawing unwanted attention to his work.

The second reason connects to my proposed backstory. Maybe he was curious to explore how fear connects and causes crime and violence via the shadow. The chain reaction that begins WITH fear.

We then see the events that happen in Arkham shadow and we find out alongside Jonathan that he’s been inhaling his own chemicals during testing. Smart move there buddy. This sends him into a psychotic spiral and forces him to confront and become his greatest fear. His shadow. Fear itself. We can see that this truly set in given how messed up he looks the following day. Not to mention his actions becoming erratic. No longer thinking to hide his crimes until after he severely injures Harvey and huffing his own chemicals right in court.

Afterwards? We’re not sure. Of course he goes on to become the scarecrow then the events play out as we see throughout the rest of the Arkham games. He gets mauled by killer croc during the events of asylum and his previously smug and joyfully sadistic personality get destroyed alongside his face. The experience clearly changed him quite drastically as a person. Although clearly it didn’t shake his core ideals and beliefs about the all consuming nature of fear.

How pitifully ironic that this idea became true in the end. As he’s injected with his own toxins his mind collapsing and giving way to permanent insanity and terror. Fear really was everything Jonathan had left in the end.

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blorger · 2 months ago

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would you ever make a list of your favorite drarry fics? ive run out and i trust ur opinion lol

Oh my, if that isnt a million dollar question. I've recced many of my favorites already so I'm only going to list ten of those:

At Your Service by Faith Wood: this is an 8th year fic where Harry is once again trying to solve a mystery and Draco is once again Up To Something, one of my favorite premises; I once read a rec of this fic that mentioned that it reads a lot like the hp books in terms of pacing and I couldn't agree more. Faith Wood is a mainstay in the drarry fandom and many of their fics are old classics: if you're interested in more of their works I recommend Draco Malfoy, It's Your Lucky Day.

Tea and No Sympathy by @wholahoop : I love time loop fics and this one is probably my favorite. I really enjoy Draco's characterisation and character arc in this fic, he reads very human to me. Another fic by who la hoop I recommend is Draco Malfoy: Toilet Supremo, which never fails to make me laugh.

the earth from a distance by spqr: this is a lovely time-travel fic with a particularly enjoyable progression of Harry and Draco's relationship. Reading this fic gives me a cozy feeling.

You See Through My Disguise by @aibidil: I feel like what-ifs fics are especially hard to get just right and this fic couldn't get it righter; the author manages to strike just the right balance to make the fic feel like it could conceivably happen during canon and the heist portion of the fic is a real standout moment.

Hermione Granger's Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run by @waspabi: a very unique premise (what if Harry never got to Hogwarts?) done exceptionally well; somehow the author manages to have Harry form the same dynamics with Ron and Hermione that he has in canon without the 6 years of shared experiences to build on. It's also very interesting to see what Harry's absence does to change the hp plot, and how meeting as 17 year olds affects his relationship with Draco.

The World Thy Gaol by @novembersnowflake: a slightly melancholy fic with a lovely, competent Draco who is a bit lost but manages to find his way; it's the old "finding yourself by trying to change yourself " plot but it's not at all done in a cliché-d way.

The If Sieve by bmouse (cest_what): This is another old timey classic and it really holds up to the test of time; Draco messes with parallel universes to find what to do in his and it feels very canon-like. Draco's adventure is heartfelt and intense and continues in Mirror Maze, another great fic.

The Miseducation of Draco Malfoy by @magpiefngrl: An incredibly delightful fic with a Draco malfoy in the muggle world (love) and a hilarious Narcissa (double love). From this author I also recommend 9½ days, a mid-war what if much like You See Through My Disguise.

The Wand Slipped by @unmistakablyoatmeal: I love case fics and I love me a noir atmosphere and this fic has both. Harry's characterisation is especially compelling and his profession (private eye) is so right yet so rarely used in fics; P.I. is my favorite occupation for Harry and this fic is why.

from love, obviously🔒 by @starsworth: perfect fic. the banter is 10/10, Draco's characterization is spot-on and the dynamic between Harry and Draco is that wonderful push and pull that makes me love drarry so much. This is probably my favorite out of all the fics I've recced, definitely top 3 all time faves.

As for fics that I haven't recced, there's two and they are my all time favorites. One of them (If you've a ready mind by maya) is from an author who left the fandom, which leaves me in a bit of a tight spot reccing-wise since I don't know their feelings about their works being shared and I can't therefore link to it. The other (What We Pretend We Can't See by @gyzym) is so special to me that, were I to rec it like all the others, I wouldn't even know how to begin. I thought about dedicating a whole week to it and posting one quote per day, that's how much I love this fic (I still haven't decided wether to do it, I don't want to give preferential treatment but also the world needs to know about this fic). For now I'm just going to link to it because otherwise this ask is going to devolve into me raving about this fic, just know that I am full of Thoughts about it and I recommend it very much.

Thank you for the ask friend,

xoxo

#hp #AMA #quality fic #I feel like I did a shitty job recommending these fics #like I didn't do them justice #this is why I rec the way I do

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stagefoureddiediaz · 4 months ago

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I don’t quite know how my brain got here right now - but I’m thinking thoughts about the way the show has been paralleling Buck and Eddie with each other - as well as with the canon couples on the show - but in a very specific and interesting way - because when you take Abby and Tommy as a collective - they are a parallel of Shannon.

All three are firsts and not lasts for Eddie and Buck.

Abby and Tommy have been intentionally connected on the show (yes making use of a fluke name commonality but that’s what makes it especially clever and interesting) on several levels as being basically two sides of the same coin - Abby was his first serious relationship and Tommy his first queer relationship - they are both Bucks firsts and not his lasts. In the same way that Shannon was Eddie’s first and not his last - the show chose to have buck point out that Shannon was the first girl Eddie slept with - implying she wasn’t his first girlfriend (something that was confirmed in the cut Eddie/Chris conversation about the lake.

If you think of Shannon as two entities instead of one person - Texas Shannon and LA Shannon - it becomes easier to spot the parallels.

Texas Shannon is paralleled with Abby - both leave their respective homes and don’t come back - both Buck and Eddie expected them to return when they had done taking some time for themselves - finding themselves.

While LA Shannon is paralleled with Tommy - LA Shannon asks for a divorce after Eddie wants to have the second child he thinks is coming and to get remarried etc - to go all in with her and their relationship. He is making a decision based on flawed thinking and external expectations after a conversation with a ‘elder’ (supposedly wiser figure - Bobby).

Which is very much a parallel to Tommy dumping Buck after Buck decides to go all in and ask Tommy to move in and starts talking about marriage - after the hurdle of discovering Tommys past with Abby and having talked to an elder (in this case Josh who is a queer elder).

Both narratives are connected to commiting to something due to societal expectations - for Shannon it was becoming pregnant outside of marriage in a Catholic dominant society and therefore ending up married to Eddie.

While for Tommy it was having to mask himself as a straight man because he was in the army and firefighting - both environments that were toxicly masculine and heteronormative at the time Tommy was in them and so he ended up in a relationship with Abby - which then sets up the circumstances for Abby to feel the need to run to find herself.

Both Texas Shannon and Abby then feel the need to run - to find themselves because of the environment they find themselves in and this sets up LA Shannon and Tommy as second firsts for Eddie and Buck. And both LA Shannon and Tommy have grown and evolved since Texas Shannon and Abby and both can see that their respective relationships are not meant to last - that they’re not the right fit - that they are forced and they have the personal development to choose end them before they cause more hurt and damage.

It’s a great play on being firsts and second chances but not lasts and it ultimately shows the suitability of buddie - they make the same mistakes in a different way - both having their first independent of each other but having their second chance/ second first whilst within each others orbits - and because they are ultimately looking for the same thing it is all serving to spin them closer to each other to a point where they can understand what their lasts look like - and that it’s each other

#honestly this show is just insane #I love it here #it’s such good storytelling - to be able to take the backstories each character has had on the show and to then intertwine them to make #a deep and meaningful narrative that feels intentional - purposeful - it’s the best type of retcon - because it comes from a deep #understanding of the characters and narratives you’ve created and a willingness to let those narratives and characters lead the way instead #of trying to control them. that is why buddie as a slow burn is as good as it is - because Tim et al have let the narrative #and buck and Eddie lead them - it’s why s5&6 are weaker seasons - because outside forces were pushing the story in the wrong direction #and why Tim is doing a bit of a redux to reset things - so that the place the narrative wants to go is where it gets to go #I’m rambling and probably not making any sense at this point but all this to say #they are setting up a slow burn going canon in such a clever and satisfying way - weaving the narrative tapestry intelligently #thought thought thoughts #kym rambles #911 meta #911 abc #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 spoilers #kind of I guess but probably not really #this got long!!!

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tumb1rprincess · 1 year ago

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Okay, I just binged the rest of the Hazbin Hotel episodes.

Carmilla and Zestial are hot. And Carmilla is so interesting. I loved her and Vaggie's song. I actually didn't expect them to reveal who killed the angel so quickly. But I love how they're showing that even some of the top overlords in Hell care. The only question now is what Alastor is going to do with this information.

I love Vox. He has a great voice and his rivalry with Alastor is hilarious.

Sir Pentious is such a fucking loser and I adore him.

Nifty almost reminds me of Little My from the Moomins with her little gremlin energy. I don't know if we'll get any serious moments with her like we have with the other characters, but I guess we'll see.

I love how Alastor's room is a literal bayou/swamp. And him eating the whole fucking deer was hilarious.

I didn't expect for some of the others to find out about Angel and Val's toxic relationship so quickly, but I did like how it showed an uncommon angle: how trying to save someone from an abusive relationship can make things worse for the victim. I can't think of any other media off the top of my head that shows that kind of thing. But with Charlie and Husker knowing about this (and Cherri Bomb if we're counting Addict as canon), how long before everyone else finds out? And what are their reactions going to be?

I haven't been the biggest Angel/Husker shipper, but holy hell, am I on board now. Husker once being an overlord and pretty much implying that he sold his soul to Alastor much like how Angel did with Val was a development I didn't expect, as well as drawing parallels between his addiction to gambling and Angel's addiction to drugs. Hell, I really didn't except this angle they took with Husker. We only saw his bitter attitude in the pilot, and we still get plenty of that here, but I didn't expect him to also be a good people reader and being able to see how the other characters really are and what they're hiding. He's almost empathetic in a way.

All of the songs are fucking bangers, Poison especially. I listened to it once before the show and I liked it okay, but seeing it in context, it hits you ten times harder. I almost cried.

The show is so good at making the viewer feel so uncomfortable with how Val treats Angel, it's almost too hard to watch. I've seen shows tackle abuse before and they've done it well, but this was very raw and in your face and it makes your insides twist. And I love it.

Looking at the show's cast, Vivzi got so many people with Broadway experience and I love that. I feel like a lot of popular media nowadays just like to cast popular actors regardless of whether they can actually sing or not (I'm looking at you live action Disney remakes). But every actor who's sung so far is fucking good at it and it shows.

So far, I am in love, love, love with this show. I remember first watching the pilot when it was causing some controversy and I fell in love with it immediately. It almost became a comfort thing for me for a while. I was watching it over and over during 2020 when Covid was running rampant and everything was shit. I'm so proud of Vivzie and everyone else for their hard work and dedication and love. This show is so different from everything else out there. I hope now that it's out, even more people can fall in love with it.

#spoilers #carmilla #zestial #vaggie #alastor #vox #sir pentious #nifty #angel dust #valentino #charlie morningstar #husker #cherri bomb #vivziepop #hazbin hotel

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kingsmoot · 3 months ago

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The question about why the Starks don’t just genocide the Boltons is one I see a lot (esp on the Reddit; see also Ironborn genocide enthusiasts) and it just fascinates me because how can you miss the point so bad. Like killing every member of a family and going scorched earth is bad no matter what and innocents will always be caught in the crossfire

I cannot understand people who read the books and came away with the opinion that it’s not that mass murder is bad, it’s just that it was the evil houses doing it! if the niceys good guy wholesome Starkarinos killed all the Boltons/Freys/Ironborn it’s totally fine and morally good

yeah it does really shock me (perhaps it shouldn't!!) how often people's response to any story is "but why didn't the hero just SLAUGHTER them all? why wouldn't the hero solve this problem by just KILLING ALL OF THEM?"

like, well... not only would this cause more problems. down the line. but... is this how you would expect a hero to act?

the pre-ned starks were not paragons of gentle virtue but they also weren't genocidal maniacs. if you think that makes them weak or stupid then... ok!! you would not have held the north for eight thousand years, then!! if it had been you making these decisions then the boltons probably would've taken over pretty quickly after rallying mass support from the rest of the north to overthrow their brutal dictators. and then the boltons themselves would've been brutal dictators and we would've had kind of a broil of power struggle for a while (i imagine) until aegon swept in and conquered the dozen or so independent kindgoms that made up the north of westeros. no time to build a wall btw since we're all busy scratching each other's eyes out as quickly as we can, so good luck mister and missus and missus conqueror there are ICE ZOMBIES RUNNING AMOK.

but like in this specific story i find it so much more shocking because like... we don't have to talk about my fav textual parallel we can expand our horizons it doesn't have to be about roose and tywin. let's look at robert.

notice how ned was the one to stay his hand every time he championed mass slaughter? notice how we are shown that the ugliest side of robert is that he is big, strong, and can easily overpower most people, which he uses to get whatever he wants whenever he wants it? not a very kingly feature. and the robert we meet in canon and hear about in flashbacks was being tempered by his advisors and councilors and boyfriend!! he could've been even worse!!!

we can use an even simpler example. when jon first comes to the wall he is a sullen, grieving 14 year old trust fund kid who beats the living dogshit out of the poor underfed boys he's put up against in the yard. he learns that this is no way to make friends. this will win him no allies. this does not make him a great fighter who is proving his strength it makes him a privileged asshole who no one can stand to be around. when he reaches out in friendship and understanding to the boys around him, he makes lifelong friends. he begins to belong. he earns their trust and their loyalty. these are not feelings he could have inspired in pyp and grenn and sam if he had stayed a spoiled 14 year old trust fund baby who was beating the living dogshit out of them.

this is a lesson that 14 year old jon snow learned quite quickly when it was spelled out for him by his mentor. this is a lesson reddit did not learn alongside him, even though they should have since they were there when it happened. supposedly.

#ask tag #anon tag #jon tag #look how easily i could've added another paragraph to make a jon and ramsay parallel but i DIDN'T 😌

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thetrialsandtribulationsofeb · 11 days ago

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losing my mind over buddie again (i don’t think i ever stopped)

buck accidentally turned out to be bisexual

eddie accidentally turned out to be demi gay

eddie accidentally slipped into buck’s love interest role by replacing abby - because buck’s character was originally written to help abby, but then she leaves, and eddie - the character who very much needs help - arrives

buck accidentally slipped into eddie’s love interest role because jlh (the actress who was supposed to be eddie’s LI) decided that actually, her character’s soulmate is chimney. so buck became eddie’s child’s co-parent in a way no other character could, because he was the one closest to eddie’s character - and shannon was never meant to be eddie’s endgame in the writers’ eyes (otherwise they wouldn’t have done what they did with them)

they accidentally turned out to be perfect for each other as life partners in a million little ways, because of their paralleled and matching backgrounds and personalities

they accidentally turned out to be in love because of the constant chemistry, touching, and heart eyes between the actors playing them on screen

these actors accidentally have matching arm tattoos that line up perfectly

these actors auditioned for the same role a few years before becoming co-stars on this show

the actor who plays eddie’s kid looks like both eddie’s late wife and buck (everyone’s saying he’s 100% buck, but i still see some shannon in him, idk)

he also has a birthmark above his eye that looks like a mix between ryaneddie’s and buckoliver’s eye birthmarks

they were paralleled with canonical romantic couples on the show a million times

the episode where buck lets go of abby is the same episode where shannon comes back into eddie’s life (and “i found” by amber run is playing at the end)

and the next episode after that - the one where buck defines what true love is (“you don’t find it, son. you make it”) - is called “buck, actually”, and eddie is right next to him. and it’s the same episode where friends-to-lovers maddie and chimney become an official couple. and the next episode is the one where eddie takes buck (instead of his wife) to a christmas fair with his son, and they get mistaken for a family by the christmas elf. and “love, actually” is tommy’s favorite movie - and he is buck’s bi-awakening, but not “his last.” he’s just a small step that leads to buck’s endgame

they made parallels in 7x01 to 2x01 (eddie’s first appearance), but also - the episode where the full buddie potential first kicked in, when buck learned about the existence of chris and babytrapped himself - is called “7.1”. and the universe decided it would be funny to have the show renewed at abc exactly at season 7, so the writers could finally start making them canon - because fox would never allow it, but abc could

also, this best-friends-to-lovers ship is literally called “BUDDY”

and it’s a 7-year slow burn between two firefighters

what the actual fuck

how does this even happen

but i also think that something as great as this could only happen (mostly) by accident. like, the writers probably genuinely didn’t have this pairing in mind. but then (i believe by the end of season 2 already) they were like, “oh. what have we done? but we can’t untangle this. it was this way from the very beginning”

the universe is really that bitch

buddie is her best creation so far

not to be dramatic, but stuff like this makes me believe in magic and higher powers

there are too many synchronicities

(but props to the writers, the crew’s, and the actors’ work too, obviously. but, like - what’s the point if not canon? there’s literally no other way out of this. they happened to be written as a love story from the start)

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bi buck #gay eddie diaz #buck x eddie #911 #911 abc #911 show #911 speculation #911 meta #buddie canon #911 thoughts

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redcheekdays · 2 months ago

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i want to talk about how sinners and buffy the vampire slayer use vampires as metaphor

(i in no way think sinners is drawing directly on btvs in any way — but they both exist in the vampire canon & as such will necessarily overlap in places. i love sinners tremendously on its own merit & terms, but the most fun a girl can have is finding parallels, noticing patterns, making connections, contemplating)

like buffy the vampire slayer before it, sinners plays with monsters as metaphors for real-life. btvs says: a high school girl who feels overlooked may literally turn invisible. the guy you lose your virginity to may literally turn into a monster overnight. in the movie/beginning of the show, vampires are Original Trauma: buffy's life turns upside down because they exist and she is called on to destroy them. they are explained and seen as a demon who takes up residence in the body of your former friend, and must without question be killed. it's a whole big sucking thing and it is pretty black & white.

as the show goes on, btvs begins to treat its vampires with more nuance. a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was, buffy tells willow, and angel says "well, actually —". actually, when someone is turned into a vampire their soul is lost, but not their personality or desires. they are not emotionless, hollow fiends; vampires can love well, if not wisely. they can be more attached to what they get out of the world than desire to end that world. in fact, this is true of most vampires. they revel in destruction & violence, they seek only to satisfy their whims & urges, but the world is their playground. spike, one of the longest-running btvs characters outside of the core trio, goes on a series-long journey from villain to anti-hero (even before he gets his soul back) to, very arguably, a hero in his own right. he's not human, and he is forced by self as well as circumstance to grapple with his vampire nature.

in its last season, one of the questions btvs asks of us is whether a vampire who has committed great harm can ever be redeemed, be trusted, do good in the world. how do we — human or monster — move on from our trauma?

vampires might be worse than other haints (mischevious/malevolent spirits), annie says in sinners, explicitly because they don't simply hollow out a body & take it over. they invade a body & take its host hostage. in sinners, vampires colonize other souls to bring them into the fold. they don't want to destroy the world — freshly turned, they don't even think they're really harming people in turning them — they're merely creating what feels to them like heaven on earth. can't we just be family?, the vampires of sinners ask.

and the answer is no. not because vampires in sinners, too, can't love well if not wisely, but because the love they seek, their idea of family, is a metaphor for colonization and appropriation. remmick wants to take that little light of sammie's to ease his own loneliness, his original trauma: colonization. and he will do it forcibly, as victims sometimes wreak their pain onto others in a misguided effort to heal. as my friend phrased it, remmick is willing to build his own house with the tools of his oppressors. he will take and he will disclaim that it is about love, about family. remmick leads into temptation and says, i deliver you from evil, as he claims their souls for his own purposes.

i read the freshly-turned vampires' fervor in sinners as something that matures and falls away the longer the vampire survives. it seems to me that as much as "on earth as it is in heaven" feels real and true to new vampires, it is also a tool remmick is deliberately using to manipulate potential victims. stack & mary keep his promise to smoke to leave sammie alone, and they resist the urge to turn sammie without his consent when they meet years later.

sinners asks us, where do we find freedom when we've been physically colonized? when we've been metaphysically colonized? how do we — human or monster — move on from our trauma?

annie holds smoke to his promise to free her soul after being turned, because after death, she is needed more on the other side than on earth. smoke protects sammie from remmick, but lets himself join annie rather than live without stack. and smoke can't kill stack — less, to me, "i couldn't save you" and more "i love you too much to save you" — so he lets him go, gives stack the opportunity to find love & family, even if he's on a different path from smoke's.

#btvs #sinners #sinners spoilers #*#btvs meta

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venelona · 9 months ago

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Write My Report author notes

Today is one year since I first posted my Dazatsu fic 'Write My Report' (PM Dazai x PM Atsushi, Atsushi works as Dazai's secretary), so as I edit through all 100k+ words of it, I bring you author notes - include my favourite things about the chapters, thoughts behind some moments and fun (?) facts.

!SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE FANFIC!

(fanfic quotes will be in italics, bold italics are just the words that were italics in the quote- it makes sense- i promise-)

Starting with, of course,

Chapter 1:

I think the whole premise of the fanfic was born by that one time Dazai asks Atsushi to write his report for him after Dazai returns from his mafia kidnapping. Second half of the plot with him helping Atsushi conceal his tiger ability was an excuse for them to hold hands every full moon. I thought it would be a shortcut to my beloved 'one bed' trope. And then it didn't shortcut shit because I slow burned the hell out of it

'Great - now he was alive and uncomfortably wet.'

"I… I- I can't believe I'm going to get fired because of a guy who wanted to drown himself over paperwork." - Sweet sweet irony 😌 You want Dazai to live, Atsushi? Get to paperwork then

'Great - now he was alive and uncomfortably wet.'

"I… I- I can't believe I'm going to get fired because of a guy who wanted to drown himself over paperwork." - Sweet sweet irony 😌 You want Dazai to live, Atsushi? Get to paperwork then

I never described Atsushi's waiter uniform but this is kind of how I imagined it looking. No I don't have explanations. Literally just 'the vision.'

I guess I never described Atsushi's secretary clothes, tho it's been referenced that he has a jacket. Its also drawn on the cover lol

'He briefly contemplated drowning himself, but he didn't want his last day to be so full of Chuuya, so he decided on another kind of drink tonight.'

Dazai mercelessly shooting the guy in the bar who saw Atsushi transform was one of the things that were supposed to back up that 'Dark Dazai' tag. And then I kinda forgot to make him do more evil things later on lol He kills more people but more off screen and I kinda fumbled that tag ngl

COOL FANART COOL FANART LOOK AT THE COOL FANART something made me hate that scene but then zinder came in and made me love it 😭💖💖💖

'"Ah, you're awake." A vaguely familiar voice called from the doorway.' They caught Atsushi trying to cross the boarder-

The section where Dazai explains Atsushi about how he's the tiger and offers the deal is the only section where one POV breaks and you can see the other, but I decided to keep it. It was written this way because I didn't plan on keeping their POVs very separate, but then they never broke again lol

"Close your mouth, Atsushi, I already saw plenty of your fangs today."

Atsushi never, for even one second, regretting helping Dazai and saying so to him every time 😭🙏

I love writing canon moments altered by whatever the premise of the fic is - in this case, PM Dazai and Atsushi. Canon parallels - Dazai blackmailing Atsushi into the job.

Never really described but Dazai's office is on the first floor in part of it where not a lot of people pass by. All executives have more proper offices but Dazai really just took a room he didn't need a lot of time to get to. That makes Atsushi's work a bit annoying because most mafia clerks work on other floors together and he alone gotta run back and forth

It probably shows but I know nothing of the ways of office paperworks

"Eh, you're doing fiiine." His employer waved from the couch. "You're doing a way better job than I ever did, Atsushi." "How?.." "You're looking at the papers." Dazai smirked. "That's more than I usually do."

Initially one big point of conflict was supposed to be that Dazai holds a very high position in the mafia, so the papers he handles is full of very valuable information. And the fact that he let Atsushi into all of that information gives Atsushi some degree of power in the mafia, but also makes him a target for others... and then this never really came up lol

I don't think this was ever outright stated but Dazai's apartment is on a very high floor - not last one, but still high up. Like, twenty or something. The whole building inhabited by mafia workers, but he's really the only big fish in it

"I can't just make something up! Besides, from the amount of complaining notes-" Atsushi pointed at the hefty pile of papers Dazai was sitting right next to. "People do read your reports." "Oh, you actually read these?" Dazai picked up a few papers from that stack. "I usually just throw them away." "It's not even all of them?!" "Oh, it's probably just from the last three days."

Dazai saying 'Chuuya probably wrote half of the complaints and that's why I am not reading them' is just an excuse. He's just too lazy to read them

Something about Chuuya being described as 'The hat man' is sending me

[Dazai and Chuuya] '"When was the last time I made a wrong decision, hm?" "I don't know, yesterday? In the morning? Five minutes ago?"'

'"Atsushi, you should visit more places." Dazai shook his head. "Do you even go anywhere on your days off?" "I don't have days off." Atsushi blinked at him. Dazai blinked back. "Really?" "You never told me I have any."' - Atsushi never even asking if he has off days for like two weeks 😭 He'd work without them too, that poor man. Dazai gave him Thursday off because that was the only day Dazai himself actually occupied his office before he hired Atsushi. Dazai was fine without an office (he'd find a place to laze around), but people were complaining that he's hard to find when someone wanted to talk to him, and so he told everyone he can be found on Thursdays. After he hired Atsushi he started spending like 50% more of his time in the office because when he wanted to laze around he was like 'might as well do it in the office, I can occupy the couch, I am not alone and people will shout at me less and even praise me for being at work)

'Atsushi shook his head again. He needed to distract himself. "So… that was Akutagawa, huh?" That was probably the worst topic he could've picked for a distraction, but anxiety hasn't let him think of any other at the moment.'

Never elaborated on but in this story other executives have a lot of people that are under their command specifically. Dazai still orders people around and gives them work and stuff, but the only person he hired himself before Atsushi was Akutagawa. So that's why Atsushi is kind of treated like a big deal by other mafia members. Also half the reason why Akutagawa was angry at his existence

Dazai telling Atsushi 'I think you and Akutagawa would work great together' was a nod to New Double Black. He was still envisioning it in his mind even though Atsushi was working as his secretary and didn't use his ability at all, but later on when he started caring for Atsushi he kind of waved that idea off because he didn't want Atsushi using his ability at all

'"Atsushi, I didn't give you a day off today so you could spend it calling me at eight in the morning."'

If you're wandering why I always juggle how I call Dazai (the brunet/the mafioso/the bandaged man) and others is because in school during language lessons one lesson that stuck to me was that you can't use the same word in two sentences in a row, or it'll sound bad. So half my writing comes from me trying to juggle the same words back and forth. h e l p

Never described but I like to imagine that Dazai got panorama windows in his living room. I never stated this because I don't think he would - something like that would up the chances of his enemies finding where he lives and Dazai wouldn't bother risking that. But... that's what my cinematic imagination wants

'"If you planned on holding hands all night, I regret to inform you that I have no habits of flirting with men."' - canon parallel + THAT WAS THE PREMISE OF THE FIC AND I BARELY DID IT 😭😭😭

'"Or you wanted to watch me sleep the whole night? I didn't think you were such a pervert, Atsushi."' - a set up for a joke in chapter 6. Yes. I thought of that stupid joke this far back.

'And, he supposed, watching Atsushi struggle with the paperwork made it a teensy bit more enjoyable to do. By which he meant it was still a nightmare and he'd rather throw himself off this very building than work on it, but still. A little bit more enjoyable.'

I got SO many comments on SO many chapters about 'when Atsushi will tell Dazai about his tragic past'. Either they missed the 'Probably had to do with that orphanage he talked about earlier, but Dazai didn't care for sob stories about the past.' line, or wanted something more- Dazai KNEW, he connected the dots, he just didn't care back then

Dazai was supposed not to care for Atsushi in these earlier stages but I kind of fumbled it and made him too caring a bit too quickly but. Whatever can you do.

#updates to this post shall be rebloged when i get to next chapters #bsd #bungou stray dogs #dazatsu #dazai #atsushi #dazai x atsushi #atsushi x dazai #bsd dazai #bsd atsushi #dazushi #write my report #write my report author notes

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jesncin · 6 months ago

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hi!! would you kindly tell us the comics you used for your passionate defense of martians' gender fuckery?? i would very much like to read more!

Haha sure! J'onn and the Martians are a case of "they're genderqueer coded through science fiction shenanigans but because they don't have the constraints to be Representation they get to be really fun and interesting in a way most Corporate Canon Representation don't get to be". With that, here's the comics I pulled from for queer readings of J'onn and the Martians:

Justice League Infinity Takes place in the DCAU world, where J'onn takes a break from the League to live a quiet life as Amrit Jessawalia. This one's cute, I like it- and the writing feels really intentional that it's meant to be a queer reading of J'onn as it's written very compassionately.

New 52 Martian Manhunter Solo: Epiphany The great Monkey's Paw of J'onn Queer Texts. The New 52 Solo is unintentionally the gayest and genderfunky story of all time for J'onn, at the expense of being extremely convoluted and edgy. It's about J'onn splitting himself into multiple identities to escape death, and all those identities need to unite in order to become J'onn again. This is where J'onn kisses Aquaman, and his heart is represented by a woman. This story is so queer that is spawned this write up on Screen Rant about it.

Martian Manhunter 2019: Identity While this solo is polarizing in the MM community, I still recommend it because it has a lot of merits as a J'onn take. This is written by Steve Orlando, a Jewish bi man who purposefully integrated his Jewish heritage and queer identity into his reimagining of Martian lore. While J'onn isn't technically queer in this story, his narrative is paralleled with that of a bi woman (a cop, barf. Very copaganda run unfortunately), and Martian lore is reimagined as nods to Jewish culture and customs (which is incredibly cool). Martian shapeshifting culture is more thought out in this run, down to Martian pro-creation/pregnancy being a thing both J'onn and his wife M'yri'ah combined do together. This is the most explicitly intentional J'onn queer allegory I've read so far.

JLA 1997 issue 63 This is where the iconic "J'onn identifies as asexual" panel comes from. It's real!! Definitely unintentional representation moment but I think it's funny that this canonized J'onn as "not a cis man" just because the writer wanted to avoid Diana calling out J'onn for being sexist lmao

Carl Lumbly's Interview with Watchtower Database Highly recommend this interview because not only is it rare to hear from Carl Lumbly (the beloved voice actor behind DCAU J'onn) but he speaks in a way that's so profoundly poetic, it's clear J'onn is a character that personally means a lot to him. His headcanon for Martian shapeshifting culture is my favorite of all time, and I love how his take in particular respects the identities J'onn shifts into (maybe I'm making a comic inspired by his take because it's that good). He talks about how he informed J'onn's characterization with his immigrant experience, which I adore as well. My hot take is that Black actors have contributed the most interesting and nuanced takes on J'onn :y

Those are the big holy grail of Queer Martian texts (minus the really cringey transphobic Joan J'onzz story)! The rest is me reading into/projecting onto other Martian characters which is incredibly easy to do when they're a shapeshifter alien species that swap into men and women casually, haha.

#askjesncin #martian manhunter #jesncin dc meta #whenever ppl want queer Supes I keep standing there being like. J'onn is right here guys. we have gay and trans Supes already #always got J'onn gender receipts at the ready

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aingeal98 · 2 months ago

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hi i have a question if you don't mind. i started reading dc comics in the past couple of years and i love talia and i'm going through her backlog. i just finished cass's batgirl run, and i'm super intrigued by her. my question is how do you think their friendship (if they ever even have one) be like? i haven't gotten to any comics where they interact, but i want them to be really good friends because of their story paralleling. (both of them being the favorite child of a batman villain. being raised by a single father. both of them being some of the worst men alive, but absolutely loving their daughters. their daughters being trained in various skills since childhood. using batman as hope to get away from the life they were living, but cass being the only one to actually get away. much to think about (unless i got something wrong then forget this lol))

Really great ask, thank you! Cass and Talia are my two fave Bat related characters, so I have a lot of thoughts as to how they would get on haha.

I think their main point of connection would be Cass's love of projecting on people. Like you said: here is a woman raised by a single father, who's morals do not align with hers but who loves her, who may not love her in the healthiest way but it's all she knows, and here comes Batman who she attaches herself to as a symbol of freedom from the burden she feels her father pushed onto her, and then despite finding freedom through the Bat they eventually have to push beyond him, and then quickly get derailed through being brainwashed into evil. Cass knows exactly what that feels like, only she got to recover from her brainwashing, while Talia got the worst ending possible. On Cass's side now, there would definitely be a desire not only to connect, but to help.

There would however also be hesitation and fear, and I think on both sides it stems from Talia basically being a bad end for Cass, and that's something they can both see. What I mean by "bad end" is the story of Talia and Damian, where Talia had a child, gave up that child so that they could live a normal life, but that child did not end up free and instead got trapped by the very family Talia initially sought to escape. And then ultimately Damian is killed by a brainwashed Talia. One of Cass's biggest fears is that she is forever tainted by David Cain and the bond they share, and looking at how the story of Talia and Damian played out she would find that incredibly disheartening for her own future. Likewise Talia would see and relate to Cass, but would in current canon probably view herself as doomed in a way Cass isn't, and so would be hesitant to reach out in case of potentially dragging Cass down.

Then there is of course the fear of what they've done to each other. Talia isn't her father but she was around when he gave David Cain the resources to make Cass into a weapon, and likewise Cass was brainwashed when she did it, but she WAS the one to kill Talia's sister. But then again Nyssa was also the one who brainwashed Talia so ??? Complexity there on all sides. They'd both have a lot of conflicting feelings about this and be hesitant to share them in case the other feels vastly different about the whole thing, and their guilt gains an additional layer.

If I was to write them bonding, I think Nyssa would actually be the key to this. Cass now knows thanks to Shiva that Nyssa is alive again, and would track Talia down to let her know. Talia might then finally confess what Nyssa has done to her, because if there's one person you can trust to keep that secret it would be Cass. The empathy would be too strong.

And so, while Talia is perfectly content not running the League and letting Nyssa handle that, there's no way she'd feel safe out there with her sister around. Cue a Cass and Talia road trip to track down Nyssa and capture her before she gets the chance to hurt Talia or Damian. Lots of bonding over their fathers and families and their complicated feelings towards Bruce, lots of discussion of their different understandings of the world based on their own trauma, lots of fights and fun times because they deserve it. (Also mild retconning of Nyssa's backstory where she hates Ra's for understandable in character reasons and not because Ra's was working with the fucking Nazis please and thank you.)

In the end they confront Nyssa. And Cass has been seeing Talia struggle with the decision of what actually to DO with Nyssa the entire road trip, and has been sharing her own experiences with a similar scenario but not overstepping and demanding Talia do x or y. So she watches as Talia holds a knife to Nyssa's neck and just... can't go through with it.

Nyssa escapes dramatically, probably with an explosion or assassins or something. Cass and Talia also survive and in the aftermath Talia shares her fears that she wasn't sure if it was remnants of conditioning that stayed her hand or just her own morals. Cass again sympathizes, and promises that from what she's seen it probably wasn't the brainwashing, just Talia being a kind, loving person. She's not doomed to be the image her father and sister shaped her in, she can be her own person. And so they go their separate ways with a promise to be there if the other needs it, and a friendship is born.

(Afterwards Talia gets her own series where she goes back to doing corporate espionage and Cass is her main Bat connection because she needs to be free of both Bruce and Damian for a solid few years.)

Thanks for the ask!

#dc #dc rambles #batfam #talia al ghul #cassandra cain #Thesis #asks

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