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#guess I need to look at my budget...
clockwayswrites · 9 months
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*opens my tablet to write*
*literally falls apart in my hands*
This is fine. 🙂
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spacedlexi · 1 year
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is anybody else out there still creating twdg fanworks 😭📢 where is everyone please dont say reddit i cant go back there
#im gods bravest little soldier for following fandom tags but its rough in there#guess i should specifically say where are the twdg fans who didnt hate violet#sometimes i remember how homophobic (and racist?? in the lee and clem game??) people were during s4 (and still are on reddit/yt) and think:#maybe i should stop looking and just let the cool people find me#go knocking on enough doors and the devil may answer#but i want to see fanart 🥺#was only Slightly surprised by the misogyny because this is clems game series but hoo boy the misogyny towards violet......#ive gotten used to how quiet it is i gotta remind myself a dead fandom is better than an annoying one 💀burning shores reminded me of that#so hard being a wlw in video game spaces please where are my other wlw video game enjoyers i need to find u 😭#gotta draw some more ellie to lure them in like an angler fish#im honestly surprised how dead twdg seems to be esp with the way the final season ended?? its set up so well for fanworks??#theres a lot of unaccounted for time even before clem got to the school. and its set up that their lives could be anything now#is it just because people were burned so hard by seasons 2 and 3 that a lot of people just didnt even play 4??#or maybe they didnt even know s4 was un-cancelled??#because i know theres a lot of people who stopped after 3#but 4 is such a return to form. its like the other side of the coin to s1 for me. like if s1 was more hopeful instead of dreadful#it is Such a love letter to s1 honestly. imagine if telltale didnt shut down in the middle of production and they got a full budget.....#sometimes i imagine it... s4 with a full 5 episodes??? in my dreams. literally.#oof this turned into a ramble im just fandom lonely#twdg#it speaks
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tarantula-hawk-wasp · 11 months
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🤢🤮 remembered that my rent goes up $100 a month starting in august AND student loan payments resume in September 💀💀💀💀
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mr-leach · 8 months
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I mean logically it makes sense that a 24hr cold would take me more than 48hr to get over, like, that's completely in line with my current health situation and my diminished ability to fight off infections, don't get me wrong
But also
Bro I do not want to take two full days off in a row that feels like it's illegal and my body should get it's shit together god I hate living under capitalism where I have to worry about literally every hour I'm not able to work fuck this fuck this fuck this
My body is making me feel super eepy and it's a legit signal that "hey, we're not actually ready yet, you still need to rest a little longer" but 30+ years of propaganda and 10+ years of exploitation as a worker have all taught me that that is fake actually and I'm just lazy and don't have a good work ethic and if I don't push through the pain and fatigue like a good little worker then that makes me the worst kind of failure 🙃🙃🙃
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musicaldeductions · 2 months
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I need to pick like. one or two expensive hobbies. not like. 5
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albedobeheading · 11 months
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cannot beLIEVE my stupid ass would even consider staying in this hell hole to save some money. we simply get it how we live it!! i will pay off my student loans until i die!! idk why i was thinking i need to pay it off as soon as possible!!
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hhrrrggghhhh it seems every time I have the motivation and energy to draw my tablet decides to start dying on me again :(
So I'm doing the slightly smarter thing and looking at investing in a new one and also a separate utility laptop for work/writing/gaming/anything that Isn't drawing which I've been meaning to do for a w h i l e
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No one:
Me at any given moment: if I don’t wear a kickass outfit to this inconsequential event I will combust and die
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alpaca-clouds · 8 months
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Why the media CEOs will always learn the wrong lessons
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Yesterday a friend and I talked about how the entire (AAA) game industrie looked at BG3 being as popular as it is and going: "Oh, we need to produce 100+ hour games, I guess! Those sell!" Which... obviously is not why it is popular. The game is not popular because it has 100+ hours of gameplay, but because it has engaging characters, that are well-acted and that work as good hooks for the players. Like, let's face it: The reason why I so far have sunken 160 hours into this game is, because I wanna spend time with these characters - and because I wanna give them their happy endings.
But the same has happened too, just a bit earlier this year, right? When Barbie broke the 1 billion and every Hollywood CEO went: "Oh, so the people want movies based on toy franchises! Got it!" To which the internet at large replied: "... How is that the lesson you learned from this?"
Well, let me explain to you, why this is the lesson they learn: It is because the CEOs and the boards of directors at large are not artists or even engaged with the medium they produce. They mostly are economists. And their dry little hearts do not understand stuff more complex than numbers and spread sheets.
That sounds evil, I know, but... It is sadly the truth. When they look at a successful movie/series/game/book/comic, they look at it as a product, not a piece of art or narrative. It is just a product that has very clear metrics.
To them Barbie is not a movie with interesting stylistic choices that stand out from the majority of high budget action blockbusters. It is a toy movie with mildly feminist themes.
Or Oppenheimer is not a movie to them with a strong visual language and good acting direction. No, it is a historical blockbuster.
And this is true for basically every form of media. I mean, books are actually a fairly good example. In my life I do remember the big book fads that happened. When Harry Potter was a success, there was at least a dozen other "magical school" book series being released. When Twilight was a big success there was suddenly an endless number of "teen girl falls in love with bad boy, who is [magical creature]" YA. When the Hunger Games was a success, there were hundreds of "YA dystopia" books. Meanwhile in adult reading, we had the big "next Game of Throne" fad.
Of course, the irony is, that within each of those fads there might have been one or two somewhat successful series - but never even one that came even close to whatever started the fad.
Or with movies, we have seen it, too. When Avengers broke the 1 billion (which up to this point only few movies did) the studios went: "Ooooooh, so we need shared universe film series" - and then all went to try and fail to create their own cinematic universe.
Because the people, who call the shots, are just immensely desinterested in the thing they are selling. They do not really care about the content. All they care about is having a supposedly easy avenue of selling it. Just as they do not care about the consumer. All they care about is that the consumer buys it. Why he buys it... Well, they do not care. They could not care less, in fact.
So, yeah, get ready for a 20 overproduced games with a bloated 100+ hours of empty gameplay, but without the engaging characters. And for like at least 15 more moves based on some toy franchise, that nobody actually cares about.
And then get ready for all the CEOs to do the surprised Pikachu face, when all of that ends up not financially successful.
Really, I read some interviews yesterday from some AAA-studio CEOs and their blatant shock and missing understanding on why BG3 works for so many people.
Because, yeah... capitalism does not appreciate art. Capitalism does not understand art. It only understands spread sheets.
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thebibliosphere · 8 months
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Cost of inflation aside, the draft2digital upload process is brilliant in comparison to Ingram Spark. It's intuitive, easy to follow, and lets you see the files in real-time instead of making you wait to see your physical proof. I also had a minor problem with something, and customer service got back to me within a few hours, not the literal weeks I've gotten used to with Ingram.
The cover it auto-generated from my ebook files was not the greatest, but if you're on a tight budget or unable to afford separate covers and wanted to do paperback, you could absolutely make it work with a little tweaking.
I had separate covers already because Ingram and Amazon require you to have PDF wraparounds (both different dimensions from each other), and while the Ingram one didn't work (Ingram formatting works literally nowhere, not even on Ingram 🙃), the Amazon wrap worked. There might be a sliiiight issue with the ISBN overlapping, but it was hard to tell on screen. I guess we'll see how it looks when the physical proof copy arrives.
So. Yeah. That was way less of a stressful experience.
And none of my files are being held captive! I can hit cancel at any moment without having to pay $25 to talk to a human to get my files pulled. Incredible... And if you're thinking to yourself, Joy, that sounds like the bare minimum of competency, I need you to know that after years of Ingram Spark, the bar for this kind of thing is so low it's in Hell.
Anyway. I'll post an update on print quality once the proof gets here.
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dotster001 · 1 year
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Hello! I really liked your fanfic about mistletoe and I would like to submit my application. Can you write what type of girl the characters in the twisted wonderland like?
What Kind of Girl they Like
Summary: Fem! Reader What girl the twisted wonderland boys say they will fall for, versus who they will be attracted to.
CW: Fem! Reader, some of the boys are assholes with their answers, it's explained away in the who they end up with section, so take it with a grain of salt, also these are just my opinions. If you don't agree that's ok!
A/n:it is truly humbling how few of these I actually fit the description of 😭 also, feel free to send in an ask if you want the staff and non nrc boys, or a masc. Reader version (there are some differences for some of them for a male lover)
Masc Version gn! Version
Heartslaybul 
Ace Trappola
What he says
"I dunno, she'd have a great bod and make me sandwiches. Kidding! Sevens, don't glare at me like that, I was just messing with ya! She's probably smart, and sweet as sugar, and let's me get into trouble. And a great bod wouldn't hurt- hey don't throw stuff at me!"
Who he ends up with
Ace is going to be naturally attracted to a girl he can "bring out the worst in."  She probably starts out shy and quiet, then Ace adopts her into his friend group, and now they are sassing each other back and forth. She calls him out on his bullshit, and fights against his teasing with teasing of her own. But she also takes care of him when he's down. He's hiding a lot of insecurity under his cool guy exterior, so if she lets him snuggle, and lets him whine, and then whispers how much she loves him, he'll be a happy man. Also, side note, he's fine if you like sports, but if you know nothing about basketball, it means he gets to look really good when you come to his games. Just saying….
Deuce Spade
What he says
"Huh, I've never really thought about it. Um, I guess she's nice and funny, and isn't scared of my past. I'd also want her to be a little like you, Y/N….not that I like you! Well, I like you, not like like you, shit I'm sorry! This isn't sounding any better…"
Who he ends up with
He really means it when he says he wants someone like you. You're one of his first friends, and, in his mind, the person you date/marry should be your best friend. But if it's not you he ends up with, he will probably be attracted to a girl who's book smart, but less street smart. A little "dumb" like him, in a cute kind of way. He likes a cuddler, and maybe a girl who is shorter than him so that he can feel like he's swallowing her whole when he wraps his arms around her. Also, someone who encourages him and helps him with his homework/paperwork. 
Riddle Rosehearts
What he says
"I don't have time for a relationship right now….but I think I want someone well behaved who follows the rules- what are you smirking at? Just because you're a rule breaker doesn't mean every girl is. I'd also like her to be in the medical profession. You know, someone who works the same profession as me so we have similar interests."
Who he ends up with
As much as he hates to admit it…he's attracted to rule breakers. Not as bad as Ace obviously, he's not trying to go gray early. But if she says something like "let's have a non herbal tea" when it's time for only herbal tea…damn what a rush. By the time he gets serious with someone, he'll be confident enough in himself to cut ties with his mother, so she has to be strong willed, and willing to live off of a low budget for a while.  He'll need someone understanding, who knows he'll have relapses and be too much and too angry sometimes, and she has to be understanding of that, and encouraging of improvement, or he'll live with guilt for the rest of his life. 
Trey Clover
What he says
"Someone who's willing to settle down and grow fat and old with me. You're laughing, but I'm going to be running my parents bakery, and feeding people is my love language. Speaking of, you better finish off that slice of cake before the others steal it."
Who he ends up with
Trey isn't that picky. He really means it when he says he wants someone to get old and fat with. That's his dream. Running a bakery with his wife by his side, and growing old together as your own kids grow up and bring home their own spouses. But he also wants a girl he can blindside with his sadistic side. Someone who'll enjoy that side of him, but also someone who easily forgets it's there. It makes things more fun for him.
Cater Diamond
What he says
"Ha ha someone trendy and totes hot. Someone totally cammable. Aw, are you jealous? Don't worry, you'll always be my fave girlie, even if you're not the girl I love."
Who he ends up with
Cater wants someone who won't disappear when he looks away. Yes, if she's "cammable" that's the first thing he's looking for, but when all is said and done, if she seems like she's going to be flaky, he won't take it too seriously either, as a defense mechanism. He needs a girl with mental endurance, because he's going to spend the beginning of the relationship trying to scare her off. Not that he wants to, he just needs to know he won't be left alone like he usually is. He is going to be attracted to a girl who humors his trends and magicam addiction, but who also sees through him. Someone balanced.  She sees the real Cay Cay, but she's also willing to be his "trophy wife" online.
Savannaclaw
Jack Howl
What he says
"Oh, I uh, well someone who can keep up on a run with me I guess…"
Who he ends up with
Jack says he wants someone who can work out with him. And he would really be happy if he had a girl who was as active as him…but he'd also be happy with a curvy girl. He gets blushy thinking about holding someone soft and plush against his firm muscles. But he's flexible. In the end he won't choose his future wife based on appearance and activity. Wolf beastmen mate for life, so the main thing he is looking for is loyalty. Loyalty, and someone who would want to raise lots of kids with him. As long as you have those two traits, nothing else really matters to him.
Ruggie Bucchi
What he says
"Girlfriends are expensive, shihihi. Tell you what, you find me a lady with sticky fingers, and we'll eat the rich together."
Who he ends up with
This is a deflection. Ruggie loves the idea of a busy business wife, while he is a trophy househusband, cooking and cleaning for his high powered  lady. He wants a strong woman who will scratch his ears and tell him he did such a good job! Then he'll draw her a bath, and massage her feet as she tells him about her day, then they'll snuggle and make out until they fall asleep…that's the dream anyway. He can be a little worker bee until you rise through the ranks, which you will, Ruggie has absolute faith in you. You guys can rob people early on if you have to. In short…Ruggie wants a dommish woman who will call him a good boy and keep him well fed.
Leona Kingscholar
What he says
"Body pillow"
"That's not-"
"Body pillow"
Who he ends up with
He's going to be attracted to a strong woman who whips his ass into shape. Someone who says, "Hey bitch, you're going to therapy, cause I love you and want you to be happy!" And then she actually makes him go. And when he does go, she rewards him with snuggles, and soft kisses. He wants a woman who's never scared of him, who's self assured, and is certain and vocal about her feelings for him.
Also, she has to accept that nighttime is when she's a body pillow. That's an absolute must.
Octavinelle
Azul Ashengrotto
What he says
"Why do you wish to know? Are you attempting to reach my standards? Ha ha, let's see. A woman who is ethereal, who is willing to dress stunningly, and sit in my lap when I make deals, so that competitors can see what a high value man I am."
Who he ends up with
If that didn't make you want to throw up 🤢. He'll be attracted to someone who makes him feel beautiful in subtle ways. He knows how easy it is to spin a verbal web of lies. But there's some things you can't fake. Like allowing someone to rest on your lap, and caressing their hair. Or squeezing someone's hand gently when you have to let go. Or pressing a kiss to someone's cheek after you help them straighten their outfit. It's the soft romantic moments that'll speak to Azul when he finds his love. Aside from that, he's not looking for anything in particular. Just someone who makes him feel loved and beautiful.
Jade Leech
What he says
"Fu fu who's to say? Perhaps you are the woman of my dreams. Or not."
Who he ends up with
She's a woman who can see through him. She's someone who never compares him or confuses him for his twin. She's smart. Very smart. She eats his mushrooms and goes on hikes with him. She is patient with Floyd. What Jade is looking for….is female Jade. Someone like that is the only one who can truly keep up with him.
Floyd Leech
What he says
"Aw Shrimpy! Are you worried? Don't worry, whoever she is, I'll still squeeze ya!"
Who he ends up with
He's looking for someone fun. That's his only criteria. At least that's what he says. He can't be sure if he loves her because she's fun, or if she's fun because he loves her. In that sense, it's sort of a soulmate situation for Floyd. Whatever will be will be. He'll just know. 
Also she has to be squeezable. 
Scarabia
Kalim al Asim
What he says
"I love everybody!"
"But-"
"Have some of this ice cream, it's amazing!"
Who he ends up with
He wants someone he can spoil, but he doesn't know that. It's something in his subconscious. He doesn't want things in exchange either. So she has to be someone who is okay with being spoiled, and doesn't feel guilty about it. He's going to be attracted to someone who loves life like him, but also helps to keep him grounded. And if she has a spark of danger in her, oh man, he'll be simping so hard. 
Jamil Viper
What he says
"I'm not going to even think about it until my freedom is assured. Kalim has promised, but it would be irresponsible to force someone into servitude with me."
Who he ends up with
Jamil is going to be attracted to a hard worker. Someone who's dedicated, and slightly serious. He's also looking for a girl who will see how hard he works, and pampers him from time to time. He's never been in charge of anything, so he likes being the boss of the household. Not that he doesn't see her as an equal! On the contrary, he wants his marriage to be a partnership. But the idea of having somewhere where he is king is definitely something he likes. She can rule the house from as well. They can split the time they rule over the household. They'll take turns being served and pampered.
Pomefiore
Epel Felmier
What he says
"Um, she knows I'm the boss. Wait, that came out misogynistic, sorry I jus mean she knows I'm manly and can support her an all that."
Who he ends up with
He says he wants a cutsie tiny housewife, so that he can be the manly man at the manliest job for mans. He really will be attracted to any girl who doesn't doubt his masculinity, nor call him cute. Someone who tells him that they feel safe and secure with him. He says he wants a short wife. But he's fine with any size or shape as long as she sees him as someone who can care for her. 
Rook Hunt
What he says
"Mademoiselle trickster, I can find beauty in every woman."
Who he ends up with
What he says is actually true. He can and will fall in love with every kind of woman. It's hard to say who he will tie himself to, in the end. It'll be someone who he heavily bonds with and imprints on. It's a lot like with Floyd. Essentially a soulmate situation.
Vil Schoenheit
What he says
"Hm. Why do you want to know, potato? I suppose she's professional, and beautiful, and cares about her image enough that she doesn't cause a scandal."
Who he ends up with
The thing about Vil is, he's not that far off from Rook in his take on beauty. He doesn't so much believe in conventional beauty, or societal beauty standards. He knows everyone has an individual definition of health and beauty. When he says he's looking for a beautiful woman, he's looking for someone who's willing to reach her full potential. Or, more accurately, to allow him to help her reach her full potential. Vil never admits it, but he adores pampering and styling people. His love language is helping people look their best. So if she's someone who knows herself enough to know what style she likes, he'll appreciate it, and take up the mantle of doing the hard work, ie making outfits, styling hair and makeup, formulating skin care etc. TLDR, he wants a confident self possessed woman he can dress like a doll, and show off.
Ignihyde
Idia Shroud
What he says
"-------------" mutes ipad.
In his head, he doesn't think any woman would ever love him. But his dream woman is a sexy anime cat girl.
Who he ends up with
What he'll be attracted to is someone who is patient, speaks at a reasonable volume, and is assertive enough to make him leave his room. Essentially, winning Idia's heart is a siege. You'll have to starve him out. That's the patience bit. The reasonable volume comes from him being easily scared by loud noises. Assertive enough to make him leave his room…well that speaks for itself. He wants to believe he can be part of the outside world, and the girl he will fall for will be willing to show it to him.
Diasomnia
Sebek Zigvolt
What he says
"She is someone of noble bearing, who shall help me defend my liege!"
Who he ends up with
He'll fall for a woman who is stronger, mentally, physically, etc., than him. A woman who can put him in his place. A woman who speaks, and it makes him shut up, and sit pretty. She's assertive, and can come off as abrasive to others but to Sebek? Sevens, he'd die for a smidgen of her affection.
Silver
What he says
"I don't think it's worth it to try and define the girl I'll fall in love with. There are so many wonderful women, and my father always told me that love is the greatest mystery in this world. Who's to say who I'll fall in love with?"
Who he ends up with
Silver will fall for someone soft. The entire romance will be soft. Soft caresses in the moonlight. Soft kisses in the morning. Soft fingers gently intertwining.  She'll be empathetic about his sleep condition, never blaming him since it's not his fault. She'll be gentle with his animal friends. She'll be sweet and kind and the very image of a Disney Princess. I'm picturing Aurora, actually. How ironic.
Lilia Vanrouge
What he says
"Fu Fu Fu wouldn't you like to know."
Who he ends up with
Lilia can and has fallen for every kind of woman. He's lived a long time. He's had the time to romance lots of women.  What he'd probably fall for in this stage of his life, is someone he can tease, and play around with, but who is also ready to settle down a little bit. Someone who enjoys the little things in life. He's getting a little old. He wants to build onto his family that he already has. Silver can stand to have three or ten more siblings, right?
Malleus Draconia
What he says
"You."
Who he ends up with
You.
....
Tag list-@shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @lleoll @eccedentesiast-sapphic
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lustfulslxt · 7 months
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ok, hear me out. so reader decides to try out the red nail theory and shows them to matt, and he freaking adores them, but adores the marks they leave on his back even more😏😏idk if you dont wanna thats completely fine, but i just got red nails for the holidays and all i can think about is scratching up matts back...
Say Thanks - Matt Sturniolo
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warnings : smut, filthy matthew
It’s been a while since I’ve gotten my nails done, and I so badly want to go get them done right now. However, bills exist and with my roommate moving out, everything’s been piled on top of me all at once. It’s stressful to say the least, but I just need to find my footing. It’s not that I can’t afford it, I just have a really bad spending habit, that I didn’t realize is an actual issue until a couple of weeks ago. I used to just work, pay my portion of the bills, save a bit of money, then blow the rest of it on whatever I wanted. Now, I just have to learn to budget.
Saying that, I’ve not really been going out of my way to splurge on things that make me feel good. I’ll get back to eventually, but unfortunately, I can’t afford to right now.
Despite knowing that I should focus on getting my money right, I can’t help but look into my spare cash, crossing my fingers in hopes that I have enough. Before I can even begin counting, my phone flashes and vibrates, indicating I have a new notification.
Matt sent you $100 for your nails❣️.
My eyes widen, a gasp leaving my mouth as I read the words displayed on the screen. Immediately, I’m facetiming Matt.
“Hey.” He answers, instantly, a knowing grin on his lips.
“Don’t ‘hey’ me mister. Why did you just send me money?” I question, glaring at him through the screen.
“Hmm. I’m pretty sure I said it’s for your nails.” He answers, then continues, “You can say you don’t need it all you want, but I know how bad you’ve been wanting to get them done. And if you haven’t, then you just can’t right now. Which is why I wanna do it for you.”
“Matt-“
He cuts me off, “Y/N, shut up and accept my offering. Come over after you get them done?”
“Fine.” I sigh, giving in.
“Great, I can’t wait to see them. Maybe then you can show me just how thankful you are.” He suggests, his lips wide with a smirk.
My jaw drops at his proposal, completely bewildered at his comment, the underlying meaning far from missed. I can’t help but bite my lip as I look away from the screen, my skin ultimately flushing.
“I already scheduled your appointment with Analysse. She’ll be there in fifteen. I expect to see you no later than an hour and a half.” He informs me.
“Yes sir.” I say, unable to prevent the smile that pulls itself to my lips. “Thanks, Matty.”
“Of course, doll. I’ll see you soon.”
With that, we hang up and I’m left to sit in my puddle of confusion and eagerness. Matt and I are only friends. There’s always times where we’re flirty and we’ve always been close, physical touch being our love language. However, his actions and statements today threw me for a loop. I’m sure I’m not misinterpreting it, he seemed very suggestive. Honestly, I don’t even mind that, I just don’t know if he’s only messing with me or if he’s serious. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.
“Hey babe, how are you doing?” Analysse greets me, unpacking her supplies.
“I’ve been good, just learning to adjust to new things. How have you been? I feel like it’s been ages since I last seen you.” I reply, sitting on the opposite side of the desk.
“I know! It’s been so long! I’ve been great though. Just living life and doing what I love.” She nods, a smile blossoming on her face.
“That’s amazing, I’m glad to hear.”
“Thank you. So, what are we thinking?” She asks me, all her supplies laid out in front of us.
“Probably just a simple red, maybe like medium length. Hm, not too long but long enough to leave marks.” I explain, smirking at the thought of digging my nails into Matt’s back.
“Ouu, okay.” She giggles, grabbing my hands to prep my nails. “So, are we talking about Matt? I mean, he is the one that reached out to me to book this appointment for you.”
I can’t help the warmth that rushes to my cheeks, “Yeah, I’ve been wanting to get my nails done again. Life just hasn’t been working in my favor.” She nods in understandment, listening to me rant. “Let’s just say, he’s got me thinking about a lot.”
Her mouth opens, laughter pouring out of it, “Oh, I get you. We’ve all had one of those.”
We continue talking and sharing stories as she does my nails. The conversation goes from boys, to makeup, to careers, to food, and just about everything under the sun. Once she’s done, I pay and tip her, and bid her on her way.
Since I still have some time before I have to be over at Matt’s, I decide to take a shower to freshen up. Seeing as I really only had around an extra thirty minutes, I decide to make it quick. I swiftly wash up and rinse off, hurrying out to dry off and get dressed. After applying deodorant and lotion, I slip on my shoes and grab my phone and keys, then I’m out the door.
It only takes me eight minutes to get to Matt’s house, so when I arrive, I’m eagerly making my way inside. We’ve been friends for eons, hence why I have my own key. Upon walking in, I instantly make my way upstairs and head back to his room. As soon as I open his door, his attention is on me.
“You’re late.” He states, his voice stern.
“Only by four minutes.” I shrug, joining him on his bed.
“Four minutes is still late.” He points out, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Won’t happen again, I promise.” I grin, tossing my hands up in defense.
He doesn’t say anything, only smirks as he grabs my hands to observe the nails he paid for. He plays with my fingers, looking at each individual nail, as if inspecting to see if there were any flaws. They were perfect.
“I love them, they look good.” He tells me, his voice now husky.
I look from my hands to his face, his eyes already being on me. His hands never leave my own, his warm fingers brushing back and forth over mine. The intensity of his stare has me clenching my thighs together in need. I don’t knew where this is coming from, but I want him bad.
“They’d look even better wrapped around my cock.” He whispers, his voice deep and raspy, placing one of my hands on his lap.
Only then, did I notice the growing bulge beneath his pants. His cargos now restricting his hard on, keeping it caged in below the fabric. I could feel him pulsating through the clothing, his erection rock solid. My mouth opened and close, suddenly unable to find words to speak.
“Don’t you want to show me how grateful you are?” He taunts, his gaze unwavering.
“Did you have a favor in mind?” I ask, licking my lips as I attempt to swallow in hopes of lubricating my now dry throat.
“Mhm.” He hums, standing up from the bed. He stands directly in front of me, his hands slowly working his belt off. “I want your pretty little mouth around my cock.”
I could feel my underwear becoming more and more soaked, my arousal seeping out of my pussy, completely and utterly turned on. His hand reaches my chin, gripping my jaw as he pulls me up from the bed, before dropping me to my knees. His thumb rubs against my lips before forcing itself in my mouth. I suck on it, my mouth immediately salivating from this situation I find myself in. He removes his thumb, dragging it down my bottom lip, letting it bounce back up as he moves to remove his shirt. I watch in awe, his lean torso flexing with every movement. Next, he unbuttons his pants. Once he pulls them and his boxers down, his dick slaps up, bouncing off of his lower abdomen. I’ve never been this intimate with Matt, meaning I’ve never seen his dick before, and boy was it something.
“Like what you see, pretty girl?” He teases, his hand engulfing his shaft and jerking it a couple of times. “Get over here and make me feel good until I say you can stop.”
I can’t help but frantically nod, instinctively scooting closer to him, eager to take his member into my mouth. One of his hands goes around my head, entangling in my hair, while the other one takes his dick and slaps it onto my lips, leaving drops of his precum behind. My tongue immediately flicks over my lips, taking the traces of him into my mouth, leaving him to toss his head back as a groan leaves his throat.
“Open.” He states, his hand pulling my jaw down.
As soon as my lips are parted wide enough, he’s shoving his entire length down my throat, pulling a gag from me. From his rough thrusts, my mouth is producing enough saliva to coat his dick, strings of spit connecting him to me once he pulls out. He then sets his tip on my lips, nodding at me to get to work, so I do.
My tongue swirls around his head, licking over his slit, causing him to tighten his grip in my hair and involuntarily buck his hips, his dick prodding at my mouth from the movement. I wrap my lips around him once more, my tongue continuously twirling around him, before taking as much as I could of him into my mouth, using my hands on the rest of him that wouldn’t fit. Peering up at him through my eyelashes, I see his brows furrowed in pleasure, his bottom lip held between his teeth.
“Fuck. You’re so pretty, doll.” He moans, running a hand across my cheek. “Sucking me so good, baby.”
I hum around his length, accepting his praise. Throaty moans continue to escape his mouth, encouraging me more as the desire in me burns hotter. I pull away from him completely, then take all of him in my mouth, deep throating him as much as I can without dying. His free hand wraps around my throat, making the feeling of his dick going down my throat all the more noticeable. He starts thrusting, matching my speed, his hips now sputtering as more lewd sounds come from his mouth.
He quickly pulls away, tugging me back by his grip on my hair. “Strip.”
I eagerly obliged, nerves building in my stomach, anticipating what’s to come. It didn’t take long for me to remove my outer clothing, leaving me in my bra and panties as his hungry eyes bore into me.
“Strip.” He repeats, his tone more demanding.
Without breaking eye contact, I reach back and unclasp my bra, letting it fall down my arms before falling to the floor with other clothes. The cool air hit my nipples, the buds hardening in response. I watch as Matt’s eyes follow my every move, soaking in every gesture. My fingers slip in the waistband of my panties, slowly tugging them downwards as I continue shimmying out of them, kicking them off my feet. Matt’s hand is now around his cock, stroking it as he watches me, intently.
“My turn.” He whispers, pulling me against him, skin to skin.
His mouth meets mine in a hot kiss, excitement bubbling between us. He walks me a few steps backwards, pushing me back on his bed and climbing on top of me. Our lips lap one another’s, before he’s shoving his tongue in my mouth, exploring behind my lips. We move together in such a hot and steamy way, his hands touching every part of me as my hands lace through his hair. His mouth then moves down my jaw, dragging open mouth kisses across my skin, leaving a trail saliva in his wake. My breathing was heavy, small whimpers coming through as he sucks and nibbles my sweet spot.
His hands then intertwine with mine, bringing my fingertips to his lips, pressing soft kisses against them. “I can’t wait to see the damage you do with these.”
He starts kissing down my chest, keeping his hands interlocked with mine. His mouth nips and bites at my skin, goosebumps spreading over me. He takes my nipple into his mouth, twirling his tongue around it, his teeth grazing over it, causing a sharp gasp like moan to come from my mouth. He moves on to the next one, repeating the same action. My legs squeeze shut, attempting to relieve the tension that keeps building and building with every little thing.
“Matt, please.” I whisper, attempting to grind against him for friction, to which he only presses his hands onto my hips to hold me in place.
“Shh, baby.” He mutters against my skin, lowering himself to my navel, his tongue leaving a stripe of spit.
His mouth meets my thighs, going back and forth between the two, peppering wet kisses all over them. His half lidded eyes meet mine, a smirk making its way to his face as he blew air onto my center, causing me to thrash beneath him. Instantly, his tongue is between my folds, pulling a loud moan from me as my hands return to his hair, tugging ever so slightly. He licks up and down my core, sucking all of my juices along the way. His tongue prods at my entrance, poking in and out, before he goes back up and wraps his lips around my clit.
“F-fuck, feels so good, Matty.” I whimper, thrusting my hips up for more.
His hands press down on my hips again, his grip now tight, holding me in place. His mouth continues lapping me, his tongue flicking every which way, bringing me closer to the edge. One of his hands leave my waist, his fingers meeting my heat. He slides them up and down, lubricating them before pressing two of them into my entrance. A loud moan falls from my mouth, my body jerking as he begins fucking me with his fingers. His mouth focuses on my clit, sucking with his warm tongue continuously flicking over it. His fingers pumping in and out of me, my arousal evident from the sounds emitting from my core and my mouth.
“I’m so close.” I moan out, pushing down into him.
Unfortunately, he pulls away, completely removing himself from me, a whine of desperation coming from my lips. He hovers back over me, his mouth pressing onto mine, my juices traveling from his mouth to mine as he kisses me hard.
“We’re gonna cum together, princess.” He says, one of his hands holding himself up as his other one rubs his dick up and down my folds.
I can’t help the gentle shaking of my thighs, my hole clenching around nothing as my eyes beg him to fuck me. Without words, he grants my wishes, slowly sinking his cock into me. Low moans escape both of our mouths as he bottoms out, my eyes closing in pleasure as he tosses his head back one again. My arms wrap around him, pulling him closer to me.
“I just knew you’d feel so good, baby.” He groans, his thrusts slow, yet hard. “So wet and warm, and tight around my cock.”
His thrusts remain slow, but not too slow, as he continues digging into me, hitting exactly where I need him.
“Oh, Matt.” I moan out, my face contorting in pure bliss as I drag my hands down his back.
He lets out more groans, enjoying everything about this moment. Instantly, I could feel the knot forming in the pit of my stomach, close to snapping from the building pressure. He picks up his pace, increasing the strength of his thrusts. His hand meets my center once again, rubbing tight circles onto my clit, ripping another moan from me.
“You look like a dream.” He moans out, his eyes never leaving mine. “I can see your close, baby.”
Words stuck in my throat, I’m left nodding my head, nothing but incoherent sounds coming from my mouth as I dig my nails into his back. His lips slam onto mine, bringing me into a passionate kiss, swallowing every noise that emits from me. His tongue roams my mouth again, quickly and eagerly, as if he can’t get enough. As he pulls away, he drags my bottom lip out in between his teeth.
“Cum with me, doll.” He groans, his finger on my clit applying more pressure.
And just like that, the knot snapped, unraveling, and I was letting go all over him, eliciting pornographic moans from my mouth. He followed seconds after, his dick twitching inside of me as his load spurts out. He continues pumping, fucking both of us through our orgasms, pushing our cum deeper into me with every thrust. Stilling for just a moment, he then slowly pulls out and lies beside me, both of our breaths erratic from the exertion.
“If this is what I get as a thank you, I’ll gladly pay for your nails every single time.” He chuckles, grinning over at me.
I laugh, rolling my eyes at him, pushing him away. He smirks, before starting to put his clothes back on, so that he could start us a shower. As soon as I catch glimpse of his back, a gasp leaves my mouth, causing him to turn around with raised eyebrows.
“What?” He asks, expectantly.
“Your back is fucked.” I laugh, covering my mouth, grabbing his phone from the nightstand.
I motion for him to turn around so that I can take a picture. Once I do, he grabs his phone from me and smirks at the picture, pleased with the aftermath of our moment together. He does some typing on his phone before tossing it back down and leaving the room. I pick his phone back up and see that he made a new post on snapchat.
After clicking on it, my mouth dropped, “Matt!”
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a/n : here ya go! sorry for the delay, i’ve been lacking inspiration and motivation. i hope you enjoy it, and apologies if this isn’t what you had in mind. send in more reqs pls, love you 🫶🏼
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footballfanficwriter · 5 months
Text
Spill the tea
Summary:where Jude is invested in girl drama
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"Hello?"
"Hey girl, I've got hot tea for you"
"Yeah, spill it I'm listening"
I'm on a call with Ashley my Best friend who tells me everything, well we tell eachother everything, Ashley and I have been friends for the longest time, we grew up together and she was always there for me way before I even met Jude
"Ok so I just found out that Hannah is pregnant"
"What?"
"But the plot thickens, remember the boyfriend she said she was dating?"
"Yeah?"
"Well turns out he's not the father"
"If it's not him then whose the father?"
Jude walks into the house from  training and he waves at me, I wave back at him
"It turns out that Hannah was having an Affair" Ashley says
"An Affair with who"
I see Jude turn his head towards me like my sentence has just peaked his interest and he walks to where I'm sat in the sofa and sits next to me watching me with interest
"The Gardner"
"The Gardner?"
Jude grabs my phone from my ear and puts the phone on speaker
"Whose having an affair with the Gardner?" He asks
"Hey Jude"
"Hey Ash, how are you?"
"I'm good, how are you"
"I'm good,so whose having an Affair with the Gardner"
"Hannah"
"But wasn't she with that other boyfriend of hers that she was bragging about?" Jude asks
"Yeah she was, I guess she was cheating on him"
"But, he was such a good guy"
"I know right"
"But there's more tea to be spilled"
"What Is it"
"Alice"
"I swear there's always something happening in Alice's life" I say
"Alice decided that it was a good idea to get surgery, and because she didn't have the budget for it, she went to a makeshift surgeon, and it did not come out proper, it just looks weird honestly"
"Do you have a picture?"  I ask
"Yeah, hang on I'll send it just now"
Ash sends the picture and Jude and I look at it weirdly
"What has she done" he asks
"I'm speechless"
"I don't know whether to laugh or to cry" Jude says
"Why are her lips like that"
"Who ever did this to her needs to be arrested" Jude says
"Where is she now?" I ask
"At her house, she hasn't left eversince"
"Maybe we should check on her you know, see if she's doing fine" I say
"Yeah we should, we'll do it later"
"I'll make her something to try and make her feel better"
"Oh I just got am update on Hannah's situation"
"Turns out the Gardner is actually dating Haley, and he proposed to her"
"He proposed?" Jude asked
"So how are they going to work it out are they going to be one big polygamy Family"
"Even if the do that how is he going to afford to have a baby and have a wedding, knowing Haley she's definitely going to want a big extravagant wedding and she doesn't like sharing, so how is she going to share a husband with someone else?"
"What I don't get is how you're going to cheat on a person, then propose to the same person you cheated on, like do you know how much of a negative impact you have on a person"
"But Hannah is also in the wrong, she cheated on her boyfriend and went for Haley's then boyfriend and got pregnant by him, like that messed up, on top of that they are bestfriends" Jude says
"Ash you know I love you, but i could never be a sister wife with you, with anyone for a matter of fact"
"Don't worry, you're into footballers and I'm into NBA Stars totally different sport"
"Oh I forgot to tell you that Julia is moving" I say
"Julia is moving" They both ask
"Yeah she's moving back to France"
"Why?
"Something about being caught with the boss"
"She was caught with the boss"
"Well they weren't really keeping their affair a secret, they held hands in the office and they'd flirt in front of people, it was just a matter of time"
"But the boss?"
"Yup"
"Isn't she Lesbian?" Jude asks
"She's Lesbian?" I ask
"Isn't she in a relationship?" Ash asks
"She's in a relationship?" Jude and I ask at the same time
"That's crazy you know"
"It's insane actually"
"But hey you know what these aren't our lives and who are we to judge and Comment on other people's lives"
"True"
"So we'll meet in 2 hours to go and check on Alice?"
"Yeah, see you then"
I hang the phone up and look at Jude
"Let me go get ready I wanna see her myself"
"Jude when we get there please try to compose yourself until we get back home"
"Until we get back home?, I'll compose myself until we get into the car and drive off"
"Fine but if you can't keep your side if the bargain, I'll be very upset"
"Ok fine"
2 hours later
There's a knock
I walk to the door to reveal Ash
"Hey babe"
"Hey, you ready to go ?"
"Yup, just waiting for Jude"
"Ok, so what did you make Alice"
"Soup, cause you know I figured that she wouldn't be able to eat a lot of things that are solid"
"Yeah"
Jude walks down the stairs and greets Ash
Ash decides to ride in her own car on our way to Alice's house
When we arrive there I knock on the door and after a few seconds later the door opens revealing Alice
I turn to Jude and watch his eyes grow bigger, I then turn back to Alice
"Hey Alice we heard you weren't feeling well, so we thought we might check on you see how you're doing"
"Yeah, we heard what happened" Ash says
"Come in please"
"So how have you been" Jude asks
"Is it bad like really bad can you see I got my face done"
"No, it's not that bad, your lips just look more plumb" I say
I hear Jude clear his throat next to him
"I just can't stop looking in the mirror" she says crying
"Oh sweetie don't so that to yourself, I'm sure it will get better, don't bring yourself down like that" Ashley says
"Yeah Ashley is right I didn't even notice it until you brought it up" Jude says
"Really?"
"Yeah, he's right c'mon you must be hungry Y/n made soup for you I'll plate it up for you" Ash says taking the big bowl of soup from my hands and leading Alice to the Kitchen
"What are you doing" I ask him
"What, I thought we were telling her lies to make her feel better" he says
"Jude stop ok"
"But I haven't laughed ever since we got here, though it may be difficult not to I still haven't"
"Fine just stop with the side expressions and stuff"
"Oh c'mon you're going to stand there and pretend that all of this is not funny"
"Unlike you I know how to compose myself and keep my laughter in, and plus we're in her house how rude would it be if we just came in and laughed at her face"
He smiles a little almost like he's trying not to laugh
I sigh
"I give up on you"
We stay with Alice for 3 more hours until we announce that we have to go but Ash opts to stay with Alice until she's better and we promise to occasionally visit
As soon as we enter the car He laughs his ass off
"Let's not even talk about the lips did you see the eyebrows, she can't even lift her eyebrows"
"Wait until we get home"
"I'm not waiting until we get home I'm talking now"
"Jude"
"C'mon, it's not like she can hear me"
"Fine"
"Did you see the nose, it's like this" he says laughing and making the shape of her nose in the air
As much as I don't want to laugh at Alice Jude is not making it any easier not to so I just chuckle
"Her lips are like this, babe look" he says making his lips plump by squishing them together using his hands
I laugh at his comment and the rest if the way Jude and I are talking about Alice and all the things that could have forced her to do this to herself
The rest of the day is spent hanging out and Jude and i making dinner for ourselves then watching a movie then bed
As I'm changing into my Pajamas Jude speaks up
"Babe?"
"Yeah?"
"On a serious note though, l love you just the way you are"
I raise my eyebrow wondering where all of this came from
"Ok, why are you being weird"
"I'm not I'm just saying if you ever decide to get plastic surgery or a face lift, whatever it is, Just know that I love your body just the way it is and I don't want you to be pressured or feel like it's your obligation to make yourself look younger or have more curves or to look a certain way when you're with me"
"Aww, Jude Babe thank you so much, and to make you feel better and to put you at ease, I wasn't even thinking about getting anything on my body done so, you have nothing to worry about, in fact Alice's case just pushed me futher away from the idea"
He breathes a sigh of relief and walks over to me towers over me where he kisses my forehead
"I love you and your body"
"I love you too"
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knack4harlow · 11 months
Text
“Don’t go over your budget”
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“Are you still giving me the silent treatment?” 
“…”
“C'mon Y/N I said I’m sorry .”
“…”
Jack tilted his body against the wall in the doorway watching his girlfriend as she refused to even look at him. Wanting to be the bigger person, he slumped his shoulders and slowly walked over to the edge of the bed where you laid. 
“C'mon, baby it was just a joke I swear.” 
“Would it be just a joke if I said you need to start covering that 100 acres of forehead you got?” 
“Guess you aren’t so sad anymore huh?” He mumbled, quietly fixing his curly bangs.
“You know how insecure I am about my body hair Jack.” 
He sighed, “Your right baby I’m sorry, I took it too far and I apologize. You're gorgeous with or without body hair”
You silently smiled to yourself at that, but wouldn’t let it show of course.
He started to gently rub your back and give you slow kisses on your arm and shoulder. “What can I do to make it up to you sweet girl?” He pleaded in between kisses. You immediately sat up. 
“Makeup run?” you smiled.
He laughed, “Wow that was easy.” playfully rolling his eyes. 
He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Princess you know I like to spoil you but you spent over 2,000 dollars last time, we can do anything else. “
“How about no sex for a week?”
“I'll go get my shoes on”
15 minutes later both of you were finally ready and we're heading out the door and climbing into his jeep. The drive to the mall wasn't that far from your apartment and before you knew it you were pulling up to the parking lot. Before climbing out of the car your boyfriend grabbed your wrist.
“Y/N you have a budget of 400.”
“400?!” you yelled, a little bit too loudly. “After the way you treated me?”
“$450”
“$550”
“$500”
“$800” 
“$200”
“550 it is.” you smiled. 
“That's what I thought” he smirked. “Watch that attitude” you smiled back as you leaned into a kiss, rubbing his beard.
He grabbed your hand as you both walked into the store feeling the brush of air. 
“God damn it's cold in here,” he whispered to himself. 
“ Baby it's 90 degrees outside.” 
“And?”  
“Nevermind” you rolled your eyes. 
“Sassy ass” you mumbled to yourself. “Don’t start,” he replied. 
After a little bit of looking around with him following close behind, you both made your way to where you get your concealer. While looking for your shade you saw your boyfriend wander and go towards some other products. 
“God damn did everybody take my shade?” you uttered to yourself.
“Baby, what's up with these names?”, “Better than sex, better than sex foreplay, shit making me horny”. You giggled at his antics “Jack please put that down.” 
“Maybe we can go to the back of the store or something,” he said, wrapping his arms around you. 
“It's official, I’m never bringing you here again,” you said walking away from him as he smacked his lips together.
You made your way over to the skin care section and started piling your basket.
“Hey remember your budget,” Jack said furrowing his eyebrows. “It's $800 right?” you joked looking up at him. He didn't find it amusing though. 
“We should really get some of this stuff for you, especially something to help with those eyebrows.” your boyfriend jerked his head up at that, “What's wrong with my eyebrows?”
“Nothing” you smiled while walking away.
“Y/N wait!”
Truthfully there was nothing wrong with his eyebrows, or anything in his face for that matter. But since he wanted to tease you, you decided it would be best to tease him back.
After walking around more, soon you both had made it over to the fragrance section. 
“Jack smell this for me, baby,” you said, spraying some in the air. “It smells nice mama, but don't you already have a full shelf of perfumes already?”
“I'm sorry Jackman Thomas Harlow, are you judging me right now? Me? After you just disrespected and hurt my feelings?”
“Of course not, baby.” 
“That's what I thought, cause let me say something about your big ass box of Pokemon cards-” you started off
“You made your point”
“Mhm,” you smirked. 
Soon you were basically done with your shopping and you and your boyfriend were heading towards the register. While on your way you passed by a new collection by one of your favorite brands.  “OMG POOKS LOOK '' you yelped. He stood behind you watching you pick up every single product in pure enjoyment.
“I know I probably went over budget but baby please” you pleaded.
“Go ahead” he frowned jokingly.
You shoved everything into your basket and both of you headed towards the cashier. 
“Your total is $630.50, will you be doing cash or card sir?” the lady behind the counter smiled, handing her hand out.
You looked up at Jack ready for him to tell you to put some stuff back, but instead he smiled to himself and took his card out.  
“Thank you for shopping with us today!” the lady smiled(a little too hard in your opinion)
After getting settled in the car you looked up at him and frowned. 
“Pooks I went over my budget, why’d you still pay?” 
“You really thought you had a budget? Baby I would’ve bought the whole store for you if you had wanted it.” He laughed
“Wow so you really had your girlfriend in there doing calculations, knowing damn well I’m bad at math, trying to save your money?” You crossed your arms.
“Yes and it was adorable watching you.” He smiled teasing you.
“You're lucky, you're cute.” You smile, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 
“Thank you for spending your money on me though,” you mumbled in between kisses on his cheek. 
“I’m always going to do  whatever I can to see those pretty dimples.” That made you smile even more. 
“And plus, I really do feel bad about what I said baby, I’ll do anything to make you happy honestly.” 
“Thank you pooks” you smiled showing your dimples. 
As he started driving you started rummaging through your 8 full bags sitting by your feet. 
“So when are you gonna apply some of that Nair though?”
That earned him a hard smack to the back of the head and a mean glare.
“Too early?”
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horus-unofficial · 5 months
Text
hello hello welcome welcome. welcome 2 the HORUS guide 4 HORUS tech aka horus-unofficial.tumblr3.un gives you extremely comprehensive and very useful insight into its "pattern groups" and "licenses". we are your host harold HORUS here today to talk to you about our beautiful darling cunt of a child, the LICH
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nobody knows how the lich came 2 be. some buddies of ours say they invented it 9989 years from now which is weird bcos anyone normal would wait another decade before sending that shit back in time to hit that sweet 9999 and keep people guessing as to whether these files actually are from that far in the future, or if the lucky terminal receiving this code just stopped bothering to count the years after 15015u. either way, the lich is here now, and back then, and most certainly at some point in the future, and it kinda looks like we probably did invent it so that means we are in the clear to act like we're the ones who made it!
the lich sucks! its terrible! with glass bones and paper skin and a reactor that overheats at room temperature, a gust of wind could leave a dent in this PG's plating, which is made from samples of styrofoam and bubble wrap warped straight from the insides of pre-Fall packages labeled "FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE" (a perfect bumper sticker for your lich, should you find yourself piloting one sometime within the next -50 to 250 years). you can tell no former members of harrison armory's R&D department were involved in the designing of the lich because the only thing those fuckers know how to do is create industrial microwaves, and the lich's reactor is the most slipshod, poorly-coded shit in the known universe. the only code regulating the lich's reactor is "reactor = cool" and not only are neither "reactor" nor "cool" defined anywhere in the system code, but HOR_OS doesn't even use = signs.
you may ask us, "if the lich is so shit, why do people pilot it?" and we are so glad you asked! generally speaking, answers to this question fall into one of two variations: - "it's a funny mech" - "why is everyone saying i pilot a lich??? i pilot a nelson!!! what do you mean that's my lich frame in the mech bay and i've had it for years, i literally don't have a single HORUS license, @horus-unofficial please advise"
the lich's victorian orphan-esque constitution aside, its biggest strength as a frame is likely its ability to send itself to the seaside for a much needed mental health break should it encounter the slightest hint of adversity on the battlefield. its no wonder the lich is so frail, the entirety of our nonexistent R&D budget went into making this thing the most annoying roleplayer on the playground. "you hit me with your sword? nuh-uh, i dodge. oh you run me through on your spear, killing me instantly? well it turns out that that body wasn't actually me, i've been dramatically looking down upon this duel from up there on those cliffs the whole time!" <- words most commonly spoken by future lich pilots at 11 years old
this allows it to be unexpectedly versatile in combat- with a refundable get out of jail free card and a maximum speed comparable to most of SSC's catalogue, it can weave through dangerous zones in combat with unexpected efficiency, allowing it to support allies from virtually any range, and instigate the occasional skirmish if its pilot is so inclined. we dont necessarily advise that you choose violence as a lich pilot, only that its a more viable choice of function than you might initially think
the lich plays with the timestream with the same enthusiasm as a preschooler in a sandbox, both in regards to itself and anything (un)fortunate enough to be within its sensor range. for every timeline where the lich is playing support for its allies and being so kind and niceys, there's another timeline where it gleefully tears into its adversaries until it overextends and dies respawns in another timeline, and it's through this universal law that an unusually principled lich pilot might find themselves taking a hit for its allies before immediately redeeming that get out of jail free card we mentioned earlier. of course, "principled HORUS pilot" is an oxymoron, so if your squad has a lich pilot what actually happens is more along the lines of being teamed with the biggest fucking nuisance on your planet, who pretends to toodle about the battlefield all combat because the truth is they've been stuck in a time loop for 7 years, and are well beyond the point of caring.
bottom line: if you encounter a lich in combat, dont even bother targeting it. it's unkillable except for when it isn't, and its banned from every omninet roleplay forum in the known universe for a reason
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rahhhbananas · 1 year
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✭ ✭ ✭ 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐎𝐍 ✭ ✭ ✭ ft. spider-plush, miles, gwen, pavitr, hobie
summary. 5 idiots in a court room
warning(s). He/Him pronouns, foul language
a/n. A lot of ppl liked my last post, so here’s part 2!
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“Order in the court!”
The judge, or Gwen, yelled. Banging the wooden mallet on the bench. She cleared her throat before looking at the crowd. Pavitr, Y/n, and Spider-Plush on one side, while Hobie and Miles on the opposing “You can all probably guess why you are all here…?” The chirps of a cricket bounced off the empty courtroom walls, “Okay, we are gathered here for the trial of Spider-Plush, or whatever, I have no idea how court works.” Gwen mumbled, fidgeting with her papers. Hobie nodded, and Miles coughed awkwardly, “Speaking nothin but the truth…” Hobie whispered, with a slight smirk. Gwen snapped her neck in his direction, sending the punk a playful glare. The blonde sighed, “Anyways..”
“HE’S GUILTY, ARREST HIM!”
“Arrest?”
“First off, don’t interrupt the judge. Second, we don’t have the budget for handcuffs that’d keep Hobie contained.”
“Got that right.”
“Y/n no one saw this ‘criminal act’ but you. We don’t even have enough evidence for a court case.”
“I AM A WITNESS!”
“Ok…Pav, maybe we should stay outta this one.”
“HE IS MY CLIENT, I WILL NOT STAY OUT OF THIS”
“YEAH MORALES, STOP HARASSING MY LAWYER”
“HARRASING??”
“wow.”
“We should all calm down.”
“DON’T TELL ME TO CLAM DOWN!”
“YEAH, DON’T TELL MY CLIENT TO CALM DOWN!”
“Come on Pav, we’re leaving!”
Y/n rose from his seat, stopping near Miles. His gaze fixed upon his boyfriend, a stern expression etched across his face. "Morales," Y/n's voice carried a note of seriousness. Miles met his gaze, a mix of apprehension and curiosity in his eyes. "L/n," Miles responded, mirroring the intensity of Y/n's stare. “The child support?” His face contorted into fear “I….forgot?” It sounded more like a question than an answer, but that didn’t stop Y/n from expressing his displeasure. But, his demeanor quickly changed.
“Y’all hungry?”
“Yeah, I could eat”
“Sure! Being a heartless lawyer is hard work”
“As long as I’m not payin”
“When have you ever paid?”
“I don’t believe in givin those big companies money, it’s all goin to waste anyways”
“Ugh, don’t get him started on another rant!”
“Like it or not, you’re gonna need it”
“Yeah, cause beating the shit outta cops is gonna get me into college.”
“It’s gonna get you somewhere alright…”
“Yeah, jail!”
“Alrigh’ stop this slander!”
As the group walked away, their voices gradually fading into the distance, Miles stood there, a smile playing on his lips. He couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth and contentment as he watched his friends. But the fleeting moment of solitude was soon interrupted by a surge of excitement, urging Miles to catch up with the others. Without hesitation, he dashed forward, his footsteps quickening as he eagerly joined his friends.
“So, what we eatin?”
“Whatever Y/n wants”
“I’m bringing Margo next time, y’all bitches are lame.”
“HEY!”
“Woah. Couldn’t even wait until we got off government grounds to start cursing?”
“I taught ‘em well.”
“Except you Pav, best lawyer man!”
“Yay! :D”
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