#happy pride to claire my best friend claire!!!

[rainsongdean]

CLAIRE NOVAK - THAT'S WHO THE HELL I AM

spn collage series - 4/?

[farfromstrange]

Do No Harm

CHAPTER ONE: Night Shift

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary: Matt has to accompany Foggy to the ER in the middle of the night because he dislocated his shoulder. In need for some peace and quiet, Matt wanders the halls of Metro General and instead finds you crying in one of the abandoned hallways. A conversation ensues.

Warnings for this chapter: Slight angst, mention of injury.

Word Count: 4.3k

A/n: My brain gets the strangest ideas for fics and then I have to write them or else I will go crazy. This is how this baby was born. Keep in mind, I’m not a doctor. I simply watch a lot of medical dramas and I like to research medical terms for the fun of it. Heed the warnings for the entire series (see Series Masterlist) but also chapter-specific warnings that apply, as seen above. I hope you enjoy!

Read Chapter 1: Night Shift here on AO3

Ever since he can remember, Matt has hated hospitals. The antiseptic scent that lingers in the air, the sterile white walls that seem to close in around him—it all brings back memories of days spent in agony, tied to an uncomfortable bed, and seeing nothing but an endless void of black.

He can only tune out so much. The stench, the sirens, and the overlapping voices in an emergency room—they could easily kill him. 

Hospitals remind him of what he lost. He lost his vision, he lost his father and in the process, he lost his innocence. Matt lost everything, and even though he is well aware that it isn’t the hospital’s fault that he decided to save a man or that his father made a deal with the devil and got himself killed, he still hates the same empty walls that made him feel so small to begin with.

Matt doesn’t want to be a liability, he doesn’t want to be the reason the people he loves get hurt, and yet it continues to happen time and time again.

Maybe he’s cursed. It’s the only explanation for how things are going for him now. Maybe God has a grudge and finally decided to exercise his right to make his life a living hell. There is an infinite number of possibilities, but none of them make sense. 

He’s the anti-hero of his own story and that of everyone else who has ever dared to let him into their lives. He’s his own worst enemy, his personal saboteur. His unwavering pride has a tendency to get in the way of his happiness, which often leads to more bad than good, but admitting that would leave him vulnerable and exposed—and he can’t let himself get hurt again. 

It’s better to push the people he loves away before he can hurt them and force them to walk out on him the same way everyone else in his life has walked out on him ever since he can remember. At least in his twisted mind, that’s true. 

He never thought he would find himself in Metro General again, not since Claire came into his life. Claire, the caring nurse who saved him when he was on death’s door and continued doing so until she realized that falling for the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen comes with its own set of risks. 

Foggy dislocated his shoulder. 

It’s almost laughable. Out of everyone, he chose Matt to come to the hospital with him. Not Karen, Matt. He had the choice between the most empathetic person either of them have ever met, and Matt, someone so far out of touch with his own feelings, living in denial has become the standard for him. Foggy chose the latter, for whatever reason he doesn’t even seem to know himself. It just felt like the most natural thing to do, he told Matt when he asked his best friend, “Why me?”

He should feel honored that he trusts him that much, but being trapped in the sterile four walls of the hospital he only connects bad memories to while Foggy is stuck in the queue for an X-ray feels more like torture than an honorable act. 

The loud, demanding voices of the nurses, the painful groans and soft cries coming from the patients in the waiting area of the emergency room a few doors down, and the obnoxious beeping of the machines lining the walls in every room are like a swarm of bees in Matt’s inner ear. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get them out. He’s allergic to them.

The room smells of disinfectant, blood, and other bodily fluids. He tries to focus on his cologne and the scentless laundry detergent he has grown so accustomed to over the years, but the balm only lasts for a few seconds before the wound reopens and his senses are flooded.

Matt keeps rhythmically tapping his fingers on his thigh. How much longer he can sit on this uncomfortable plastic chair in front of the radiology area and wait for Foggy to return, he doesn’t know. It won’t be long now until he loses his mind. He is about to drown in his own misery.

He feels the desperate urge to land his fist in the wall next to him. He wants to scream, cry, maybe even both—this night is not going well. He hasn’t had a good night in weeks. Tonight though, he’s stuck in the hospital rather than outside, doing something against the injustice he is forced to listen to every day.

The hits he took the previous night were pretty severe, and his ribs still hurt. The numb ache that tears through him whenever he moves is a temporary relief from the pain induced by the noise around him. Whatever bits of sanity he tries holding onto eventually slip through his fingers. 

Eventually, he can’t take it anymore. He gets up, his head tilting toward Foggy’s elevated heartbeat. He’s still in line. Fifth, probably.

Matt taps his cane against the floor, making his way down the hallway. He’s not quite sure where he’s going or where he will land, he just knows that he needs to get out of there as fast as possible.

Rounding the hundredth corner of the evening, the sound of clattering metal trays and medical supplies disappears behind layers of drywall and automatic doors. Matt takes a moment, and he realizes that right here—right where he is now—he can finally breathe again.

The sound travels more easily. The air wafting through the vents and over the cotton sheets on a row of empty beds is the only sound that meets his ears. They’re lined against one side of the wall. The rooms are empty, the doors locked. It seems as if in a moment of desperation, he found his way to one of the abandoned parts of the hospital. 

A lack of funding caused Metro General to cut their losses. It certainly wasn’t an easy decision, but with capitalism on the rise, public hospitals are barely holding on.

Even though the truth is depressing, Matt still can’t believe his luck when he realizes how quiet it is. That may be a selfish thought, but he can't help it. The world is always so loud and uncomfortable. Finding someplace quiet after torturing himself in the waiting room for hours feels like heaven on earth on such a busy night.

The fog dulling his senses finally dissipates. He takes a deep breath. The air is cleaner here. No disinfectant, only the faint scent of plastic and dust; he wouldn't have thought it possible that he would ever consider that combination a blessing.

That’s when he hears it—a slightly elevated heartbeat followed by a series of muffled sobs. He got so caught up in the fact that he finally found what he was looking for amidst the chaos that he forgot to fan out his hearing.

Despite what he originally believed, he isn’t alone.

The air smells of the salty essence of human tears. Matt stops dead in his tracks, not sure whether to continue his journey or to turn around and return to the uncomfortable plastic chair in front of the radiology department.

“This nervous breakdown space is occupied,” your soft voice bounces off the high walls. It’s thick with exhaustion. Pain. Loss. He almost recoils at the all-too-familiar feeling it elicits in him.

Matt keeps his cane hugged tight to his chest, his knuckles whitening with how hard he is gripping the base. “Oh, I...I’m sorry,” he says, careful to keep his voice light. “I didn’t catch you there.”

You’re essentially a stranger to him. A troubled one, at that. You must have your share of problems or you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be crying your eyes out. He doesn’t want to intrude, but he also can’t turn around. Not now, not anymore. You’ve already noticed him.

You sniffle, your hands wiping against the soft skin of your reddened cheeks. For a moment, your heartbeat picks up in speed before returning to its normal rhythm. “It’s alright,” you assure him.

Matt picks up on the faintest hint of disinfectant and the scent of antibacterial soap on you now, maybe a little blood, and definitely antiseptic laundry detergent—you’re wearing medical scrubs.

Your shampoo smells of vanilla and some herbal element he can’t quite identify just yet. Your perfume isn’t expensive, just enough to last through a long shift and filter the sweat that is seeping out of your pores. It’s not unpleasant. You smell like someone who’s been working hard and far past your limits, too.

“Do you need something?” you ask him. 

He pauses for a moment, rethinking his answer. His lips purse. He’s not sure how to answer that without completely giving himself away.

Your eyebrows raise slightly.

“Oh, just…some peace and quiet,” Matt says, finally finding his voice again. It sounds a bit more nervous than he would like to admit.

The chuckle you exhale is one of surprise and possibly even a bit of genuine amusement. “Yeah,” you sniffle, “I know that feeling.”

“Well, I’ll, uh, leave you to it. Sorry again.”

“No. Don’t.”

Matt stops in his tracks when the words pass your lips. 

You pat the space beside you. Your perfume becomes a little clearer. It’s so natural, so… you. He could get high off of it. Or maybe it’s just the sleep deprivation catching up to him. 

“This is the only quiet corner in this hospital,” you tell him. “Trust me. Underfunding has its perks for introverts. Rest in peace to about thirty internal medicine beds, but lucky me.”

Your chuckle echoes bitterly off the walls. You use humor to cope, apparently, but you’ve run out of strength to pretend.

His cane begins to gently pave the way as he makes his way forward. “Do you mind?” Matt nods toward the bed you’re sitting on. 

You pat the mattress again with a shake of your head. “Not at all.”

Gentle seems to be the one word that is consistent with everything you do. He can’t get this picture he has painted of you based on the sound of your voice out of his head. Maybe you’re an angel and he has officially gone insane, or maybe there are just a lot more good people left in this world than he originally thought. 

Matt folds his cane and skillfully sits down on the edge of the mattress. You smell even better up close. Your heartbeat reminds him of a beautiful symphony, no longer as erratic as when he first picked up on your presence. 

“I’m Matthew, by the way,” he says.

He can hear a sudden uptick in your heartbeat. He may have just imagined it. You suck in a sharp breath, and he’s sure he didn’t imagine that, but then you lift your hand to take his.

“Olivia,” you say. 

Matt listens closely. You have no reason to lie about your name. Your heartbeat may be faster, but it isn’t a lie. You just seem a lot more nervous and unsure than before. It doesn’t quite make sense why you would be unsure about your own name.

“Nice to meet you, Olivia.” His lips curl into a soft smile.

You smile back, he can hear it, but it lacks an essence of truth. You’re trying hard to seem like you’re okay. It’s not your fault that his senses are sensitive to all changes in the human body, even in that of a stranger he just met.

You’ve been crying, so of course, you wouldn’t be alright. The question is, why? 

“I take it you’re not part of the staff,” you say into the silence.  

“No.” Matt chuckles. “I, uh, have a friend with a dislocated shoulder,” he says.

“Ah! Let me guess, his doctor in the ER reduced the dislocation but insisted on doing an X-ray just in case, so now you have to wait because radiology has a hold-up longer than the Nile?”

A laugh rumbles through his chest. “Yeah, that… that’s pretty accurate.”

“It’s always like this,” you say. “A dislocated shoulder doesn’t have priority. We have bigger fish to fry.”

“You work here?” he dares to ask. 

You pull at the bottom of your scrub top. “Guilty as charged. Trauma surgery. I’ve been an attending here for a little over two years now.”

“Oh, wow! That’s…that’s incredible.”

Matt has encountered his fair share of doctors in the past, but no one has ever been quite like you. You’re unique. Mysterious. An enigma. You have piqued his curiosity, to say the least, and your profession only adds to the pile of interesting things he can ponder about.

You smile at him again, but it’s still not a genuine one. “Thanks,” you drag the last syllable out, the air deflating your lungs.

He swallows. “Or it isn’t. I didn’t mean to–”

“No, that’s not… some days just aren’t that rewarding,” you say. “That’s all.”

“And today has been one of those days?” Matt asks.

“Yeah, something like that.”

Your eyes roam over him once again.

He reaches for his hair, running his hand through it. He ruffles the brown strands until they’re covering his left temple. Matt’s not sure if you saw; there is a high chance that you did, but he can't anticipate your behavior. Not yet. 

You let out a longer breath. “Not a fan of hospitals, I take it?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “It gets… loud,” he says. 

“Sensitivity to sound.” You nod. “Noted.”

He hears the fabric of your scrubs brushing against your skin and the cotton sheets on the bed. You cross your legs, opening yourself up to him just slightly, and he wonders if you really are comfortable around him or if you’re just being kind. 

“Probably to smell as well? Feeling? Taste?” There is a soft smile laced in your voice. This time, it’s real. 

Matt chuckles. You hit the nail right on the head. You’re simply not aware of how sensitive he is to these things. “Pretty sensitive, yeah,” he says. 

That about sums it up. You nod, but you don’t push him any further. 

“Well,” you say, “The ER is pretty disgusting. And loud. And to be forced to wait in front of radiology is probably a scenario they offer as a torture device in one of the seven circles of hell.”

He can’t help himself, “It’s nine, actually.”

“Sorry?”

“Nine circles,” Matt clarifies, his lips twitching in a faint grin. “Dante’s Inferno. A good Catholic boy’s guilty pleasure.”

You let out a genuine laugh this time, and it warms his senses. It’s a rare sound in a place filled with so much pain. He can almost hear the weight from your shoulders hit the floor. The tension in the air seems to ease, if only for a moment. You allow to let yourself go. 

Your grin turns into a smirk. “Catholic, huh?” you retort. 

“Since the day I was born,” he says. “Are you religious?”

That seems to steal your breath away. You have no words. For a full minute, silence settles in between the two of you. It’s almost uncomfortable, and Matt fears he must have crossed a line. He just doesn’t know how to apologize for something he is truly curious about. 

The topic of God and religion seems to hit a nerve when it’s not used in a humorous context. There are many reasons why that could be. He spends every day battling his own religious trauma and the demons that he feels he’s harboring deep inside, but he still holds on tight to his faith. If he doesn’t have an excuse—if he doesn’t have anything to hold onto other than what broken self-respect he has left—where would he be?

You finally clear your throat after what feels like an eternity. “No,” it’s a simple answer. “I don’t believe that there is a God.”

Your mouth stays open. You want to say something else, but your lips close within seconds after the thought has passed by you, and you swallow it. He wonders what he could have learned about you if you had allowed yourself to say what you were truly thinking when the words first left your mouth. You’re holding back, and it is audible. It might even be visible. Your cheeks are running hot. 

Matt nods. He doesn’t question you. Your beliefs are yours. Most of the time, he doesn’t even believe that there is a God himself. 

“It’s hard to keep the faith in this world, especially when you work so hard every day trying to save people’s lives. When you are forced to see what the system does to those who can’t defend themselves over and over again, but you can’t do anything about it. Or when you see what people do to each other. I mean, the cruelty of human beings is unmatched, and it makes you wonder if God is just a sadist, or if maybe he isn’t even real because a gracious God wouldn’t let innocent children die,” you cut yourself off in an instant, and he tilts his head toward you in surprise. 

Your breath shudders. “I… I’ve seen too much bad to believe that there is an all-merciful God,” you say. “So I simply don’t.”

You try to meet his eyes, but all you see is your reflection in the red of his rounded glasses. Your heart breaks a little, he can hear it. Your shoulders slump. You’re defeated.

He isn’t sure how to react to that. How to help. How to be a decent human being. Matt just doesn’t have the answers you need, and it makes him question his own faith for a minute. Not that he has ever not questioned it; his relationship with God is as complicated as it gets.

You catch yourself after a moment of staring into the void of his glasses. “But… that’s my opinion. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I’m not offended,” Matt says.

You were smiling, and now you’re not anymore. He doesn’t like that. He liked it more when you were more open with him. Your legs have moved back to your chest, your arms clinging to them. You’ve retreated. 

“Sorry,” you whisper. The edge in your voice breaks his heart. 

He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize. I get it. Injustice…it’s a parasite. I’ve encountered my fair share of good people who deserved better than what they got. You try and you fail over and over again because the world isn't fair. I’d be the last person to judge you for not sharing my beliefs.” He breaks off in a chuckle. “I'm not that kind of guy.”

Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline. “What is that you do again?” You didn’t ask that question before.

“I’m a lawyer,” he states. “Defense attorney.”

“Wow,” you let out a soft puff of air, “And you chose to go to Metro General instead of jumping on the big money train to the Upper East Side?” 

Although your tone is joking, Matt can tell that there is an ounce of truth in your words.  

He hides his laugh behind a cough. He’s not sure if he’s surprised or if he actually finds that assumption hilarious. Maybe a bit of both.

“Oh, no.” He shakes his head. “I have never even been in the same station as the big money train.”

“Oh?”

“No. We, my partner and I, do pro-bono work. We don't get paid for our services. Well, other than baked goods and overdue bills in the mail, of course.”

You chuckle. “That’s a relief. Not so much for your bank account, but ethically.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry for assuming. That was prejudiced of me,” you say. “I’m not trying to judge you. I’m sorry. Rich or not, it’s none of my business.”

Matt shrugs. “It's okay. Lawyers and doctors are the two professions so many think make millions of Dollars a year, and while that may be the case for a few, a lot of us just… don’t,” he says.

“Amen! If I had a drink, I’d toast to that.”

“Yeah, well, an intoxicated doctor would not fare well in the legal sense.”

“You think that would end my career?”

“I can’t even give you good legal advice other than, don’t.”

Your giggle turns into a laugh. “Thank you for the advice, counselor.”

He joins in. “Anytime.” 

For a moment, only the two of you exist. Matt adjusts his position, but he doesn’t take his bruised ribs into account. His wince is barely audible, yet you notice it in an instant. And when his hair slips, you can see the gash on his forehead. The one he tried to stitch up himself but probably did an awful job at concealing. 

Your eyes narrow in concern. “What happened to you?” your voice barely breeches the sound barrier. 

“Oh, nothing,” he tries to shrug it off. “Just an accident.”

“An accident?”

“I am blind, you know. I tripped, hit my head. It happens.”

“Hm.” Much to his surprise, you don’t press him further. Instead, you gently reach out to brush the sweaty strand of hair from his face that he used to cover up the aftermath of his latest endeavor. 

Now that he thinks about it, his ribs really do hurt. He’s sure nothing is broken, but they are severely bruised. Even he can feel the blood pooling under the skin. 

You bite your lip, not wanting to pry. The urge is obvious to him, but only to him. You’re good at your job. You focus on the task at hand. That is probably why you became a doctor in the first place; to help people, not to pry. 

But Matt Murdock doesn’t need help. 

“It’s fine,” he assures you. 

You nod. “I believe you.”

You don’t. You’re lying. He appreciates the effort though. You try your best at making him feel comfortable and welcome. Asking questions would only drive him away; you wouldn’t be able to satiate your pathological need to help. It’s who you are.

“Whoever patched this up did a terrible job,” you say, “and I don’t want to know who did it because if you tell me it was you, I will lose my mind, so, I choose to believe you for the sake of my own sanity.”

His lips part in a soft laugh. “Yeah, you don't wanna know,” he says.

“Can I fix it?"

He opens his mouth to decline, “You don’t have to, I–”

“Please.” 

There is no arguing with you, it seems.

Your footsteps echo in the empty hallway. One of the drawers in the cart across from the bed slides open at your touch. Matt can hear the distinct crinkle of packaging and the clanking of metal. When you return to his side, your steps are a little heavier. 

“I’m going to clean the wound and then apply a butterfly bandage to help the skin grow back together,” you explain. “The cut isn't that deep, but you must’ve hit your head pretty hard when you fell. I can’t force you to get a head CT, so… If you experience any nausea or neurological deficits in the next few days, you should come back to run some tests. But—and that is not my expert medical opinion because I don’t have the tests to back it up—I think it should be fine to heal on its own.”

“Any other advice, Doc?” he jokes. 

“Well, I can’t give the same good news about your bruised ribs.” You only have to place your hand on his side and his lips come to press tightly together. “I’m guessing third and fourth,” you say. “If one of them is fractured, it makes you run at risk for internal bleeding, but to see the extent of your injuries, we’d have to get an MRI. That is not my call to make. I can’t force you to get your battle scars checked out, I can just advise you to think about it. Really think about it.”

Matt sighs. His laughter has long died. “I know.”

He doesn’t want to repeat himself. He’s fine. He has to pretend that he’s fine because he doesn’t have time for doctors or questions. Neither you nor the law can protect him from the damage that the truth would do. 

You’re disappointed, but you swallow your pride. With delicate precision, you start cleaning the wound on his forehead, the cotton swab dabbing at the dried blood. He winces at the sting of antiseptic, a subtle twitch in response to the pain.

“Sorry,” you murmur.

Matt manages a half-smile. “It’s alright. I’ve had worse.”

That doesn’t make you feel better, but you accept it. You’ve learned to respect your patients’ wishes, even if that means swallowing a lie. 

As you work, your fingers graze over his skin with a careful tenderness. It’s a stark contrast to the harshness of the world he navigates outside—a double-edged sword. If he doesn’t go out there, more people die or get hurt. He would sustain the same injuries over and over again and almost die rather than pretend that evil isn’t lurking right outside his window every night. And there is a bigger storm brewing in the distance, one he isn’t fully prepared for. 

Yet.

You finish cleaning the wound and proceed to carefully apply a fresh bandage. Matt can feel the cool adhesive against his skin. Your touch is soothing, almost comforting, and he allows himself to relax.

“There,” you announce softly. “All patched up.”

Matt lifts his hand to touch the bandage, a habit he developed over the years to reassure himself that someone cared enough to tend to his wounds. “Thank you,” he answers. 

“No biggie.” You shrug with a tiny smile, and that makes him smile, too. It shows him that while you are displeased with his lack of respect for himself and his health, you aren’t mad at him. You just care.

The shrill beeping of your pager tears a headache through his skull.

You curse under your breath. “I’m so sorry,” you say as you skim over the text that has been sent to you. “The, uh—the ER needs me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he quickly responds. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Go. Save a life!”

You’re reluctant at first, but then your lips curl into a broader, more genuine smile, and in the heat of the moment, you grab his hand. “It was nice meeting you, Matthew,” you say. “Take care of yourself.” 

Your footsteps retreat and your heartbeat gets fainter as you walk down the hallway. He’s speechless. He doesn’t even remember how to say goodbye. 

“Oh, and do me a favor?” You stop momentarily just to ask him, “Get those ribs checked out?”

His mouth opens and closes like that of a fish on dry land. “Sure,” he says. 

“Thank you,” these are your last words to him before you take off running. 

Both of you know though that once he is out of Metro General and on his way home, he won’t come back. Not for himself, at least. And it is something you have to accept as much as he has to accept the fact that you are long gone, off to save a life in the very four walls that seemed so scary to him all alone only fifteen minutes ago.

Tag List: @shiorimakibawrites @allllium @siampie @auroraslibrary @roseallisonparker @abucketofweird @thatonegamefish @capylore @kniselle @sumo-b98 @peachstarliight @littlehappyperson @danzer8705

[wanderingaldecaldo]

@marine-123 asked in a comment ages ago how Val's friends react when they find out about her dating the President, and what a great question!! I hadn't thought that far ahead lmao so this is great opportunity to flesh out their story, as well as the dynamics with her friends in this universe.

Val is cautious about telling people once she and Rosalind start dating. They are trying to keep things under wraps—even if they know it's ultimately futile and the media will find out—and she doesn't want to mess things up with Rosalind. She's always been a fuck-up and a flake in relationships, but she's taking this one seriously. (And for good reason! Who wants to fuck over the most powerful woman in the world?)

Misty is the only one she trusts enough initially to talk to about Rosalind, and she's known about her from the moment Val got back from Dogtown. Misty believes her about the “fling”, even if she doesn't quite get it. Later when Rosalind and V start texting regularly, Misty hears about it all the time. Sometimes she even shuts V down because all she wants to do is discuss the nuances Rosalind's word choice from the same text message for the hundredth time, and sometimes that's just one time too many for Misty.

Misty is Val's BFF in this universe, and best girl in all universes

Once they start dating, Misty remains supportive of V's happiness. Eventually V tells Vik and he is... not pleased. He has no love for the NUS and has no problem telling V that she's a gonk for getting involved with Myers for a whole host of reasons. V isn't naive though—she knows what Rosalind has done, and she knows it's much worse than anything Vik knows. She has her own reservations but she isn't going to share them with him—national security, of course, but also her own pride—and eventually Vik gives up. He doesn't like it, and V avoids talking about Rosalind whenever she pops by the office, but it strains the relationship and her visits occur with less frequency.

At some point she also tells Mamá Welles, who is suspicious but ultimately wants V to be happy. Lupe wants to feed Rosalind, of course. “She's too skinny, mija. Bring her for dinner, I'll cook my pozole.”

The only other person V trusts is Claire. They grew close during the races, and that friendship continued to develop after V took over the Afterlife. Claire isn't a fan of the NUS but she can understand the attraction, and doesn't begrudge V the relationship. (Nix also knows because he's good at his job, but V and Nix both pretend he doesn't.)

When the screamsheets start publishing rumors of the relationship but before the campaign manager's idea to hire her as Rosalind's bodyguard, V dodges as many calls as she can, and plays things off whenever she does have to talk to anyone—that's some gonk shit, we just text once in awhile, you know how the media lies . After she takes a position with the FSS and moves to DC, she can hide behind "national security" and say she can't talk about the President. 🤷😌

Panam doesn't believe it at first, and calls V the second she hears about it from Mitch. When he read about the rumors, he discounted them, but then the media start reporting on it. He's shocked, though he did notice the way V talked about the President whenever she shared the story around the campfire the night before they stole the Basilisk. He's disappointed, of course, even though he never believed that he had a chance with her.

On the surface, Panam is upset that V didn't tell her about something as big as dating the President, but V would have trusted Gary the Prophet before Panam. Because of so many details CDPR gave her, I HC Panam as a latent bisexual. Looking at you in particular, eyebrow “scar”. After her flirting and eventual rejection of V, Panam grows jealous when she starts dating Judy, not that V noticed or Panam understood the source of her feelings. Fast forward to V dating Rosalind and Panam is upset again, and this time blaming it on V not sharing the details, but once again it's simple jealousy. Maybe one day she'll figure it out. 🤷

As for Judy, in this universe they date casually, but V is still enamored with Rosalind, and that makes Judy's red flags (and youth) a little... easier to notice. She's wary because of everything that happened with Evelyn, and how quickly Judy shifted that affection to V. At the same time she does care for Judy and happiness is fleeting in Night City, so why not spend time the cute and sweet techie?

I bet Judy gives the best hugs.

After the events of Mikoshi, Judy leaves town but they remain friends. When she hears the rumors about her relationship with Rosalind she calls V up on the holo and interrogates her. She remembers that V was evasive when answering questions about the gig, to the point that she didn't really believe it happened, and with the latest news she started putting everything together and wants to know all the detes.

[himenaayo-blog]

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After a painful betrayal by her fiance and a backstab with her close friend, Y/n is heartbroken. When her best friend, Beomgyu, discovers her called-off wedding, he brings her to the land of Japan, believing that over the course of the four day trip, he can convince her to come home happy, or to at least move on from the guy. But his plan goes south when Y/n finds a note on his phone, about his actual feelings on her previous relationship.

i can't swim, idiot ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ choi beomgyu | 11,7k @beom-pyu bests fingem ser casados

choi beomgyu x fem!reader , tags: best friends to lovers au , beomgyu is annoying(ly cute) , fake dating? nah... fake married? bingo! , reader is so fed up with beomgyu how is he still alive , fluff , black cat x golden retriever dynamic ??? , hinted bisexual!beomgyu happy pride month , hinted pining , nsfw , some cliche moments bc who doesn't love a good cliche

the only exception | beomgyu x reader | 12k @byeomtori

love at first sight au, summer love thingy, lots of reference to paramore's the only exception and txt's our summer, pda

white dress | 3,8k @fairyyeo

Beomgyu encontra s/n e a chama pra sair depois do seu turno, motoqueiro

➵ sk8ter boi -> c.b | 4.5k @gyusrose

you never thought in a million years to be attracted to a boy like beomgyu. His baggy clothes, scrappy shoes, long hair just wasn’t a click with your elegant dresses, tight skirts, ballet dancer- self , but somehow he managed to steal your attention.

ditto / cbg | 3.5k @huenation

the day arrives where beomgyu, your angel, is leaving you, you realize you have nothing left to lose

FESTIVAL | 7.7k @acidsojuu

you thought this year's festival was going to be a bummer like last year's, until you found yourself stuck spending the three whole days of it with that pretty guitarist boy that caught your eye.

「 Camera Shy 」 | 14.4k @koqabear

“You’ve always tried to live an honest and responsible life; never spending money on anything ridiculous, scoffing at the things other people would be so willing to drop their paycheck on. But when life gets hard, you’re bound to give into your guilty pleasures, right?”

Hey Emo Boy! | 9.4k @koqabear

He worked at the Spencer’s store in the mall— you worked at the Claire’s store right in front. What can you say? Match made in heaven.

You Are My Queen Now | 194k @wildernessuntothemselves

Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband. 

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you. 

Rare and Pure (cbg) | 21.5k @elix8r

“But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.“

- Patrick Rothfuss

Choi Yeonjun was the love of your life, the one you were unequivocally sure the Moon Goddess had chosen for you. His younger brother, Beomgyu, on the other hand, didn't even register on your radar as mate material. But fate, as it often does, had other plans. One night was all it took for your entire life to flip around as you found yourself accidentally mated to your childhood friend. Now, you're left grappling with the emotional wreckage of it all as you are not only struggling to feel the unbreakable connection that mates are supposed to share with Beomgyu, but you're also dealing with the harsh reality that your dreams of forever with Yeonjun will never come to fruition. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and it's forcing you to reevaluate your very sense of self. Your wolf clearly had some serious explaining to do.

idle town | c.bg + the city that never sleeps | c.bg

| 40k @petrichor-han

it’s always been beomgyu and (y/n), (y/n) and beomgyu. the two of them against the world... well, against the mean old cashier at the local grocery store anyways. (y/n) has always dreamed of leaving her small town and travelling the world, but beomgyu has always been more than comfortable in the only home he’s ever known. when (y/n) gets the option to finally live her dream and live in a big city hours away from their hometown, beomgyu has to choose between loving her and letting go.

brand new, full throttle! | 5.2k @hwangyu

beomgyu finds out you're the perfect way to get under his stepfathers skin.

Series

「 PRETTY PRINCESS 」 part IX ─ 'do you trust me?' @beomiracles

taking a wrong turn in the 4th dimension Beomgyu finds himself two centuries behind his own with no way back, though meeting a pretty princess like you, does not seem so wrong.

to know him is to love him, and i do | 9,8k @niningtori

you love beomgyu more than anything. you just wish he loved you, too. or you finally break up with beomgyu and move on, but as for him? maybe he's starting to realize too little too late.

[yourstrulykele]

Hi all!!! So for my first post on tumblr I wanna show anyone who’s interested what my interests and what I’m all about n stuff. Im a little awkward ik but I’m just gonna say some things and then put a list of stuff I like and am interested in and hopefully y’all won’t hate me or think I’m embarrassing 😂

My name is Rachele, but all my friends call me kele. I am a MINOR, and I put that in all caps because people in the past have been very weird w me on the internet so hopefully that’ll keep away weird people though I invite people “of age” to follow me as long as you respect my boundaries. I don’t want any trouble, I’m just here to have fun.

- I’m an Aries sun, Sagittarius rising and Pisces moon, which I guess makes me a very fiery, passionate, and romantic person which is true according to everyone who’s met me lol

- my mbti personality type is INFP

- I love astrology and astronomy, I guess I’ve always had a thing for space and planets and stuff like that

-I am a HOPELESS romantic, I want those cliché experiences and the dancing in the moonlight, walking through parks or on the beach, staying up for hours just talking, bonding with each other over everything, dancing and singing and screaming our hearts out together while we blast music, soft moments, movie theater dates, picnics and concerts and god knows what else. I will die an unhappy woman if i don’t experience it all with the person I love.

-I’m a theater kid, not a weird strange one istg, and I find comfort being on the stage and being able to be somebody else is very therapeutic considering how I don’t wanna be “me” right now lmao

- I’m very VERY bisexual, even tho most of my crushes are men I just love women

- I love reading (and this means anything — classics like The Picture of Dorian Gray, Little Women, Pride and Prejudice, other fantasy like Harry Potter, The Witcher, Shadow and Bone (or anything by Leigh Bardugo), Outlander, fanfics, anything really

- I have a passion of hatred towards JKR despite her having made one of the best universes ever

- I am a marauders era enthusiast (though I don’t have extensive knowledge on the fandom I do enjoy it a lot)

-I am a Remus Lupin/moony kinnie, as well as a Lily Evans kinnie but mostly a moony kinnie

-I am a TV watcher to the heart, and some of my favorite shows/crushes from said shows are:

• Outlander (Jamie is SO FINE and Claire is so gorgeous omfg)

• Stranger Things (Joe Keery and Maya Hawke are my babes)

• The Witcher (Geralt is so fine)

• Shadow and Bone (General Kirigan and Genya and Zoya are 🔥🔥🔥)

•Friends (yes the most popular 90s show to exist on the planet) (Chandler and Rachel are so me and so fine)

•Queen Charlotte (Charlotte is so pretty and George is really cute)

•Heartstopper

•Supergirl (with Melissa Benoist she’s so gorg)

-I’m a amateur at writing but I find that being able to put my imagination into a story or a a little short one helps me keep my mind clear

-I was raised on Disney and I will always love Disney — or one of the musicals at my school I got to be Elsa in Frozen Jr. and I was probably the happiest, and my inner child had never been so happy

-speaking of disney, here are some of my fav movies:

•Frozen (1 and 2), Tangled, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, The Princess and the Frog, Aladdin, Moana, Hercules, Ratatouille, 101 Dalmatians, The Sword in the Stone, Brave, Luca, Pocahontas, Finding Nemo/Dory, and Cars

-I am a huge Marvel fan as well as a Harry Potter fan and Disney fan (guess how mentally unstable I am 😂)

-I’m a major Swiftie… and I mean HUGE. I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT WITH ALL MY HEART. My order of albums goes like this:

1: Reputation

2: Speak Now

3: Lover

4: Folklore

5: Fearless

6: 1989

7: Midnights

8: Debut

9: Red

10: Evermore (ikik I’m sorry ik people rave over Evermore but it’s my honest opinion leave me be 😭)

-I am a sucker for accents. We’re talking scottish, certain english and irish accents, sounthern, boston accent, australian, french, spanish, Italian (which is funny because I’m actually more than half Italian and speak it as well)

-my parents are divorced (so that adds on more trauma but I swear I’m fine and they’re ok with each other)

-I am the older one of my one other sibling, my little brother, who right now is really annoying me to the T but that’s what boys are like I guess 🤷‍♀️

-My main ships from HP/marauders era are:

•WOLFSTARRRRRRR 🐺 ⭐️

•Jily 🦁🌸

•dorlene

•rosekiller

•romione

•harmione

(I can’t remember any other ones but I’m sure I’ll think of more at some point)

-I listen to a wide variety of music, such as pop, country/rock, soft rock, classic rock, metal (depending on artists though) indie/rock, jazz, blues, soul, alternative rock, music from musicals/Disney, and I don’t even know what else.

-Artists I like are:

•Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, Lady Gaga, Adele, Beyoncé, Olivia Rodrigo, Ariana Grande, The Weekend, Steve Lacy, Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, DJO, Harry Styles, Kelly Clarkson, Bruno Mars, Cigarettes After Sex, The Neighbourhood, Arctic Monkeys, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, ABBA, Queen, David Bowie, Metallica, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, The Smiths, The Cranberries, Shania Twain, Robbie Williams, T. Rex, Fleetwood Mac, Ella Fitzgerald, Elvis Presley, Aretha Franklin, Tears for Fears, Duran Duran, Kate Bush, etc etc.

I could go on and on about music and the things that I love, but I won’t bore you to death. And this is getting quite extensive, I wasn’t planning on being this thorough. I’m deeply sorry lmao.

Anyways if you’ve made it to the end, thank you for not skipping over this. I appreciate it. You mean a lot to me!!! Anyways it’s late and I need to sleep so good night/morning/day/afternoon or wherever you are. I hope You’re having fun!!!

yours, kele.

[walkinginland]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

thank you friend 🥺🥺🥺 ok so from oldest to youngest....

does heaven have enough angels yet (Outlander) Faith meets her mother, and says goodbye. i don't know what possessed me to write something in canon!faith's pov but. here we are. I really liked exploring Claire's grief in a way that was gentle, that gave some hope, that was a blessing on her healing. idk if that's what i actually accomplished in 500 words, but that's what was in my mind at the time.

Find a Little Remedy (Outlander) During the twenty year separation, Claire and Jamie unwittingly share a quiet moment - a meditation on life, and home, and most of all, hope. I love rolling around in the angst that is the separation, but I needed some hope there, something that said "these soulmates are separated for what they think is forever, but there are bright things still, there are still reasons to sing."

All the Colors in the Rainbow (Outlander) The Frasers get ready for Pride, Bree is… enthusiastic, Claire has some doubts, and Jamie is the most supportive. This was so deeply self-indulgent 😂 I'm really happy I did it. anyways. ace!claire/bi!jamie rights 💜

Sunlight (The Song of Achilles) A small, quiet missing moment from the years spent at war - when Achilles and Patroclus built a life together in the spaces between battle. Patroclus wakes before Achilles one morning, and tries his best not to dwell on destiny or prophecy or fate. *clenches teeth* let them have some fucking CUDDLES. ISTG.

return my fists to fingers (A Marvellous Light)(please read this book please write fic for it please i am desperate) Robin wakes up after a nightmare thinking he is still cursed; Edwin cuddles him. That's it, that's the fic. Robin would have had so much damn trauma from the curse and the pain and fear that came with it, and that would not have gone away when the curse was lifted. plus he fucking Died tm even if it was just for a few seconds. He deserves some cuddles from his boyfriend and some magical anxiety meds for his troubles.

am going to cheat and say that my current main wip would make this list. in case you haven't seen me ramble about it excessively already, it's a 5+1 of all the times that Jamie has really come close to death, inspired by the Unofficial JamieClaire Anthem, Work Song. I'm really happy with how it's turning out, and I'm happy with the ways that I am (healthily) pushing myself to stretch my comfort zone. I think it's going to turn out to be some of my better writing, plus also I just like to roll around in Jamie's sad little brain and talk about how pathetically in love with Claire he is. also 5+1s are my LOVE and I can't believe I haven't written one before.

[yuujispinkhair]

Anniversary Event: Date with your fave for @marumain

Lucifer & Claire

A night at the opera

Lucifer is classy and only wants the best when he takes you on a date. His chest swells with pride when he sees your eyes widen when he picks you up dressed in his finest suit and with a huge rose bouquet in his elegant hands.

"Are you ready for our night out, darling?"

His gaze travels appreciatively over you. He made sure to send you a gorgeous dress beforehand, one that matches his outfit and some pretty jewelry to go with it. He loves taking care of everything for you.

Tonight he takes you to the opera. The two of you have your own private booth with all luxuries, champagne, exquisite snacks, and the best view of the stage.

Lucifer has already seen this particular opera several times, but he likes it that way. He likes to have control and plan everything out. And this way, he can also let his gaze stray from the stage to you. Because you are his favorite thing to feast his eyes upon.

A smile tugs at his lips when he reaches out to take your hand, caressing his thumb over your wrist before bringing your hand to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss onto it.

"How do you like the opera? Is it to your taste?"

And whether you really enjoy it or are just here because of Lucifer, you definitely have to admit that this evening is lovely.

It's seldom that you can be all alone with him. Usually, he is dealing with one of his brothers or meeting with Diavolo. He is always so stressed and so busy. But tonight, here with you, Lucifer seems relaxed, and this little smile on the corners of his lips tells you how much he is enjoying this date with you.

That smile becomes bigger when he cocks his head and lightly pats his knee.

"Why don't you come a bit closer, angel?"

He sighs contentedly when you slip onto his lap so he can wrap one arm around your waist, holding you so carefully as if he fears he might break you like a fragile little bird.

It's sweet that this powerful and sometimes sadistic demon treats you with so much care. You know he will be rougher with you tonight in his bed if you ask him to. But here on this date, he is gentle and careful, looking at you with so much love and pride in his sparkling eyes.

One graceful hand cups your cheek and brings your face closer to his until he can whisper against your lips:

"I love you, my beautiful one."

And his lips seal yours with a slow, tender kiss.

A kiss so full of love that it lets you know he means every word he says to you, every compliment, every whispered word of affection.

The smile on his beautiful face is stunning when he pulls away. It makes your head spin a little to see Lucifer like that. To know that with you, he can let go and show true happiness. And the more you kiss him, the bigger that smile grows.

No wonder he was once known as heaven's most beautiful angel. And to him, you will always be his most beautiful angel.

I hope you enjoyed your date with Luci :) Thank you so much for being my friend and sharing so many fun moments with me here, Schatzi!

Anniversary Event

[thealexchen]

Any cute after ending bird squad headcanons (chenrich / stay)?

OH MY GOD I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. I missed writing headcanons so much! I’m gonna take Gabe’s entire prediction as what really happened: Alex starts working in the record store with Steph, they still perform together, and Alex hangs out regularly with Ryan, Ethan, Charlotte, and Riley.

After a lucky dice roll a few weeks after the events of chapter 5, Steph blurts out the “Will you be my girlfriend?” question during a DnD game. Alex is momentarily stunned because it really was an impulsive question and Steph hadn’t even been thinking about it beforehand, so Alex never picked up on an aura. Then a slow grin creeps across Alex's face as she says, “Wait… did you wait until you rolled a nat-20 to ask that?” Steph giggles, “Maybe?” Alex smiles and says “of course I will, dork,” leans across the table, and kisses her. Steph’s joy aura is so bright that Alex suddenly bursts out laughing and can barely get out, “And you’re such a nerd!” before she buries her face in her hands.

Ryan is thrilled for Alex and just envelops her in a bone-crushing hug when Alex tells him. They remain good friends and Alex nicknames him “golden boy” after their joyful moment at the ravine :) Now that Alex and Steph are splitting their hours at the record store, Alex usually takes the earlier morning shifts and then goes on hikes with Ryan. He takes her to the spots he used to take Gabe and they reminisce together. Sometimes they laugh, other times they cry, but Alex is always grateful for his company.

After Steph and Alex start dating, Ryan gets in this weird habit of calling the other two “ladies.” Since Steph and Alex are together so often, he just starts addressing them as a couple: “Morning, ladies!” “How’s the weather, ladies?” “I’ll leave you to it then, ladies.” “You ladies totally killed that set last night!" But then he still calls Steph “dude” so she’s just more confused than ever.

The closest thing to an argument that Steph and Alex have is Alex's proposed “renovations” to the record store, which include… a CD rack of various animal calls and a magazine rack with subscriptions to National Geographic. Alex tries to convince Steph, “Now that we’re both working here, Ryan practically spends all his waking hours here anyway. Come on, you gotta think like a businesswoman!” Steph grumbles, “I’d rather think like a DJ.”

Alex and Steph have 30 jam-packed events for every day of Pride Month. On June 1st, their broadcast goes in and out because Steph and Alex are both trying to hog the microphone, announcing “Happy Pride Month from Haven’s hottest—“ “most musical—“ “greatest couple! With the best music taste!”

On ace pride day (yes I love the ace Ryan headcanon), Alex triumphantly drapes an ace pride cape over Ryan's shoulders and announces, "And now for some asexual awareness facts from our favorite birdwatcher!" Steph expects Ryan to be nervous at the mic, but he has shockingly good control of his voice. She later says "I never thought I'd say this but... you really have a voice for radio. Color me impressed."

Ryan buys a friendship necklace from Claire’s for Alex’s birthday in July as a total joke (@secrettunnelyeah's idea) but Steph texts in the group chat later that night “HOLY SHIT IT GLOWS IN THE DARK!!” followed by Alex adding “IT DOES INDEED” and Ryan just asks “Are you both five?” Alex and Steph badger Ryan with “but it glows in the DARK” for the next week just to mess with him. After that, it becomes an inside joke— every time Ryan complains about something, literally anything, (“I’d like to go, but it’s so far away” or “It’s like 90 degrees today!”) Steph and Alex reply, “But iT GLOWS IN THE DARK RYAN!"even if it makes no sense.

Alex is much better at controlling her empathy powers, but being around Steph for 6-8 hours a day means that her emotional thoughts run in a loop in Alex’s head almost like an unending radio broadcast. One time, she’s writing down inventory and accidentally catches herself writing “my girlfriend is so beautiful” because that’s what she was hearing in her head, and she laughs. But it’s worse on air: another time, she’s reading an ad when she says, “Spamp’s is having their end of summer sale on… man, Alex looks so good in that shirt today— oh my God. That wasn’t... what I meant to say… um… we’ll be right back!” She turns off the mic, storms out of the booth, and bursts out in exasperation, “STEPH! Oh my God. I love you, but you need to stop staring at me when I read ads!” Steph just stammers, “You love me?” Alex realizes that was the first time she's said it out loud. She crumples into relieved, confused laughter and walks over to give Steph a hug and kiss her forehead. Alex sighs, “Yeah, I do. I love you. But like, please stop having such loud thoughts."

The whole goose prank story becomes an inside joke for Alex and Ryan. It starts out with Ryan saying “Remember that time…” but the joke deteriorates so much that all Ryan has to do is whisper “property of the crown” to Alex and then she’s on the floor laughing. The best part is, they never explain the joke to Steph, so she’s just bewildered as to why that random phrase makes her girlfriend cry-laugh every time.

Halloween is still a difficult time of year for Steph and Alex can tell, so she, Ryan, and Ethan organize a town-wide, epic sequel to the LARP. This time, Steph the witch is the protagonist on a quest to save her kidnapped bard, except the end reveals it wasn’t a kidnapping at all but a surprise role-play wedding. When Steph “frees” Alex, Alex swoons dramatically “MY HERO!” and kisses Steph in front of everyone. Steph pulls Alex into a hug and whispers, “Thank you. This is exactly what I needed.” Steph holds her close and realizes that for the first time in years, she hadn’t fixated on Arcadia Bay at all.

Charlotte invites the bird gang plus Riley over for Thanksgiving. Ethan is so proud of himself because he made sweet potato casserole for the first time all by himself. He insists that everyone go around and list what they’re thankful for. Alex just sighs happily and says, “This is gonna sound so cheesy but… everything. A year ago, I couldn’t even imagine I’d be here, surrounded by such great company and such good food.” She feels everyone’s joyful auras throughout the entire meal and can’t stop smiling. 

On New Year’s Eve, Steph claims she has a cold and can’t run the radio show. Alex knows she’s bullshitting, but she plays along and takes calls by herself that night until someone slides a letter under the door. It’s from Steph, Charlotte, and Ryan with a scavenger hunt for her. After finding all the clues, Alex learns that they got a bar stool engraved with her name in The Black Lantern (now under new ownership since Jed was arrested), along with a note from Steph to call her. She does and Steph says “So… I’m not actually sick. Meet me on the bridge?” Alex joins the other residents just in time for New Year’s fireworks. Ethan is cheering even before the countdown, but it’s otherwise quiet. Alex unwinds her scarf from around her neck and drapes it over her friends’ shoulders, pulling them close enough to whisper, “I’m so glad Gabe had you.” “And now you have us,” Ryan says softly. Just then, the countdown starts and then 2019 is over. Alex cheers her heart out as her first year in Haven comes to a close and the fireworks explode overhead until she’s lost her voice. She’s happy.

Bonus: Lunar New Year 2020 was on January 25th, 2020. The entire town teams up to throw an authentic celebration for Alex, because she hasn't gotten to properly celebrate in years. Charlotte helps put together a lion costume and Ethan gets so excited rehearsing for the lion dance. Eleanor makes red floral arrangements and hangs paper lanterns on every corner. Ryan and Steph work tirelessly all day to make as many traditional dishes as they can, based on what Gabe taught them, and they lead Alex on a guided tour down Main Street to show her everything they set up. The final event is New Year's dinner, and Alex starts happy crying because she hadn't realized how much she missed all of this. Most of all, she wishes Gabe could be here, but she knows he had many happy new year's with his friends before she arrived :)

Thank you so much for a headcanon ask! It’s been over 2 months since the last one and I’d loved to be inspired and write again now that we have all this content!

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Light Novel Review – I'm in Love with the Villainess Vol. 2

A Defining and Relentlessly Queer Work in the Next Era of Yuri

I have backed myself into a corner and see no way out of it. For I have already awarded Inori's I'm in Love with the Villainess a perfect 10/10 score for its stellar first outing. And then, upon seeing what Inori did in the second book, I regret my choice because I have no way to raise the bar on perfection as Inori did in her light novel. Indeed, it has taken me far too long to write this review. My mind is thoroughly exhausted after pondering what I read and accepting the honest truth: that that may very well become a defining work in the next generation of Yuri. For as much time as I spend diving into the Sapphic news of the day, I devote even more to looking to the next big movement of Yuri. If I'm in Love with the Villainess Vol. 2 is a signal of what Yuri's future holds, then we are entering an extraordinary queer era.

The story takes off shortly after the first book. At least for the moment, the commoner revolt is quelled, and Rae continues schooling alongside her beloved Claire. Storylines include a new transfer student rivaling Rae for Claire's affection and the girls going on vacation to visit their families. However, the story takes a pretty dramatic and welcome turn halfway through the book. Through a combination of luck and her expect negotiation tactics, a fruit of her intimate knowledge of Revolution's world and inhabitants, Rae is tasked with investigating corrupt nobles. This change allows Inori to take the world and characters further than in the previous book. While the first volume did an excellent job establishing the world inside the school, this entry ventures beyond the academy's borders into international relationships, the church's role and goals, and the dealings of various factions and political parties. It is appropriate progression and one that lends to the story's main arc well.

While all of these events occur, Rae continues her mission of protecting Claire from the inevitable new order. By the time the finale rolls around, it is so immensely satisfying to see all of her plans and strategies pay off. It carefully balances rewarding the reader's attention and keeping them engaged with new twists and revelations. As the story develops, Claire is exposed to more of the reality of common life through Rae and comes to appreciate her privilege and understand the realities of socioeconomic inequality, evolving from the arrogant young woman we initially met. This path has two effects on the story; first, it allows Inori to explore real-world economic disparity issues while still worldbuilding. Second, it ultimately continues the story of Rae's plan, as she wants Claire to be in the commoner's good graces.

These elements make for a fantastic story in a rich, developed fantasy world. However, I adore I'm in Love with the VIllainess not for its intricate magic system but because of the phenomenal LGBTQ+ representation. I was floored by a frank, open, and wonderfully thoughtful discussion of queer representation in the first volume. Few, if any, Yuri works have done anything similar, and it was honestly an inspiration for me, so much so that I awarded it a perfect score almost solely for that passage. However, Inori once again usurps her own throne, taking this forthright and deliberate queer content and turning it up to eleven!

It is almost easier to count the number of main characters not confirmed as members of the LGBTQ community. Figures big and small have their identities explored and revealed during this novel. Some began believing themselves to be straight and exploring their sexuality further. In contrast, others are comforted by Rae's fierce, outspoken, and brazen support and pride in her identity to come forward. One particular scene that comes to mind is when she scolds a pair of nuns for using religion to justify their homophobia. This moment was particularly satisfying to return to after the Catholic Church's recent disavowing of same-sex marriage.

The series even has a character struggling with gender dysphoria who is liberated from society's expectations thanks to a rather ingenious plan of Rae's and her friends, new and old. While not exactly an example of authentic transgender representation as we consider it, as the character's struggles with gender result from a magical curse, but the parallel is clear. Speaking of reality though, the volume grants some glimpses into Ohashi Rei's life, the woman that would one day wake up as Rae.

Rae's experiences with LGBTQ+ identity, set in the real world, are powerful and pull few punches. It is perhaps here that Inori gets most honest and tragic, as Rae painfully describing the ostracization and suffering faced by queer people, culminating in a trans man's suicide (the author thankfully does not describe the actual death). However, Inori balances this pain with the thrill and joy of discovery and accepting oneself, and finding kinship. It is writing that could only come from an author who had experienced these feelings herself, and they will be immediately understood and have a visceral effect on queer readers. I love these moments so much for their vulnerability and relatability. But my favorite part has to be the ending (skip to the final paragraph if you want to avoid spoilers and somehow have not seen the cover of Volume 3).

We finally come to the big queer happy homosexual ending, which is also gay, and my great Yuri goddess, it is perfect! After wading through a revolution and enough surprise revelation to last a lifetime, Claire and Rae settle down into their new life together. Although they cannot legally get married, despite their best efforts, they are absolutely wives. Their families support them, they love each other, and they even have kids! Yes, this unexpected and blissful development, the final gift of this volume, comes in the form of adopted children May and Aleah.

As I exclaimed upon the reveal of Vol. 3's cover, which features the mothers and children, "WE DID IT!! YURI FAMILY!! In Yuri, there are virtually NO stories about queer women raising a family with children together. It is a long dream of mine, the YuriMother, to promote such stories. To have one of the most profound and explicitly queer Yuri stories end in such a happy and new way brought me to happy tears. Except, this is not the end! There are two more volumes beyond this one that continue the story of Claire, Rae, and their children! There is even a very sweet and wonderfully sappy, tear-jerking, bonus chapter of the mother's bonding with the children and helping them recover from their traumatic past. And even become TEACHERS; I could just die happy in this Yuri paradise!

'We need to show we are prepared to live happily ever after, as a family of four. So, I swear to God: I will always love May, Aleah, and Rae.' When Claire said this, she broke out into a tremendous smile and I found myself once more overflowing with love for her. I held her close without saying anything.

Inori's I'm in Love with the Villainess Vol. 2 is precisely what an excellent sequel should be and everything I have ever wanted from a Yuri story. It appropriately raised the stakes in every way, expanding the world, flushing out its many factions and conflicts, and setting a new bar for queer representation and discussion in Yuri. Everything Inori writes feels so perfectly slotted together. Each set piece adds to the character development; each queer issue and identity showcased helps build towards the satisfying and exceptionally gay finale. It is a superlative weaving and integration of the priceless artifacts into an absolute masterclass of LGBTQ+ storytelling. I suspect that this is one of the opening works in Yuri's next era, and I cannot wait to see what follows.

Ratings: Story – 10 Characters – 10 Art – 4 LGBTQ – 10 Sexual Content – 2 Final – 10

Check out I'm in Love with the Villainess Vol. 2 digitally and in paperback today: https://amzn.to/39gE664

Review copy provided by Seven Seas Entertainment

My sincere thanks to Jenn Yamazaki, Nibedita Sen, E.M. Candon, and the rest of the team at Seven Seas Entertainment for translating and adapting this light novel.

[darling-dummy-blogs]

Character Profile

Meet Cassandra Monet

♡Married Name: Cassandra Rose Li

♡Nicknames: Cassie, Cass, My Love (Victor), Sweetheart (Victor), Darling (Victor), Dummy (Victor), Ma Chérie (Victor), Mon Amour (Victor), Baby Girl (Victor), Mommy (Isabella), Mom (Isabella), Big Sis (Liam & Gabriella), Sissy (Liam & Gabriella), Dearest (Aunt Amelia) 

♡Gender: Female

♡Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

♡Birthday: July 20th ♡Zodiac Sign: Cancer ♋

♡Age: 25

♡Height: 5’6

♡Evol: ??? (Yet to be decided…) 

♡Personality:

Cassandra is a sweet and loveable young woman who can be the bright ball of sunshine you need. She always is sweet and caring towards everyone she interacts with. If you were to grow close to her, she’d take on a rather nurturing/mother hen role in the friendship/relationship and would treat you to anything and everything you need with no questions asked regardless of if you are older than her or not. She would be the type of person to put you before herself and would do anything to make you smile/happy. She’s understanding and honest about her feelings, especially when it comes to expressing them. Careful though, she can be rather sensitive due to past experiences/trauma she’s gone through and is definitely very in touch with her emotions. She’s the type of friend to be by your side no matter what it is and will not leave unless you tell her to. She can be an encouraging and interactive person in social situations, however due to past trauma this may be hard at times. (Also because of this she also grew rather shy and had a lot of self-doubt in herself over time.) Especially when it comes to those who try to force themselves onto her/into her life. She is a hard worker, can be very compassionate and takes pride in what she does. No matter what, this girl will be your friend till the end of time. 

♡Looks:

 Cassandra is a beautiful girl (at least to those who love her); she has long flowy dark brown hair that is usually straight however depending on the situation she’d curl it to give it some waves, she has bright cerulean ocean blue eyes that often have a hint of a sparkle wherever she is fascinated by something or is happy being with someone she loves. If she is saddened, they become dull in color. She has pale skin, soft round cheeks (that everyone just seems to love to squish) and small yet plump lips. She has the figure of an hourglass however she is on the thick side when it comes to her thighs, breasts, and ass if we were to talk in detail. She has no beauty marks, at least not that she is aware of having or have yet to discover. Her usual style for outfits can be considered casual; she usually can be seen wearing summer dresses/floral dresses, skirts with cute blouses, paired with flats, heels (typically 4-inch ones) or wedges. Depending on the weather; if cold, she can be seen wearing leggings and skinny jeans as well as a pair of converses as well as lots and lots of different types of sweaters (fuzzy, knitted, lace, zip ups or hoodies). (Typically all her clothing is usually a variety of colors but mainly between pastels and light colors)  When dressing up for a formal occasion she goes all out and can look absolutely stunning. (typically the color she does look best in is red… I wonder why.) Make up wise; she doesn’t wear a lot nor feels the need to wear it. However if she feels like she needs it she will apply light makeup that consists of eyeliner, mascara, and foundation with a small touch of lip gloss to her lips. However she usually goes without makeup. She prefers to show her natural beauty as she is slowly gaining back the confidence in herself she once had.  

♡Family Members + History Background: 

Mother: Arianna Kate Monet (Deceased, 35)

Mother's Maiden Name: Adrianna Kate Collins

Father: Henry Monet Jr. (Deceased, 38)

Younger Brother: Liam Alexander Monet (20)

Younger Sister: Gabriella Claire Monet (20)

Aunt: Amelia Monet (48)

♡Offspring:

First Born Child; 

Name: Isabella Mae Li 

Nicknames: Isa, Bella, Bell, Mae, Mon Amour, Baby Girl, Sweetie, Sweetheart. 

Age: 4 years old.

Evol: Time Control 

Relation: Daughter of Cassandra & Victor Li 

Second Born Child; 

Name: Zachariah Charlie Li

(Name credit goes to @times-muse-immemorial 💕)

Nicknames: (Yet to be determined…)

Age: Newborn Infant

Evol: ???

Relation: Son of Cassandra & Victor Li

♡Nationality/Ethnicity:

Cassandra is part French and part American. Her mother, Arianna grew up in America while her father, Henry grew up in France. However they met and fell in love in a small city outside of Loveland. Her father taught her French personally growing up before he passed away. Due to Cassandra being a quick learner, she grew to become fluent in both the French and English language. She can read, write and speak French but usually resorts to English and prefers it more now. Her French Accent tends to come out whenever she gets angry, is upset/hurt, or whenever she talks to (French) associates through business. 

♡School Experience & Job Experience (Before Loveland): 

Her father, Henry and her Aunt, Amelia co-owned an established business and since it became funded by LFG, after her parents passing, her aunt taught Cassandra all she needed to know about the family business and that’s how Cassandra grew to take business classes and get a degree in business once she hit high school and college. She was able to go to the best schools due to her aunt being able to afford it from business profits. Her Aunt did offer her to take over and become the CEO of the company however Cassie politely declined and opted to work separately from their family business. She had a few minor jobs to support her financially before she moved to Loveland. 

♡Life Backstory: 

Cassandra lived with her parents and younger siblings in a rather small city outside of Loveland City for the majority of her childhood. Her childhood was considered modern and her family were considered to be upper middle class. Her family wasn’t rich by any means, but her father did have a very well established business (which she found out was being funded by LFG) and had a relatively good relationship with her parents and younger siblings. However after a tragic car accident, her parents passed away when she was 10 years old. (Her twin siblings would be approx. 5 years old) Because of that, she and her siblings were taken under their aunt's custody which she then became their primary caretaker for their teenage years. However, due to how busy of a woman their aunt was, Cassie took care of her siblings whenever their Aunt couldn't. She helped her with everything, even when her siblings grew up and were preparing for college. Cassie finally moves out at the age of 23. She moves to Loveland to start anew and ends up living in an apartment complex where she ends up finding a job at Miracle Company as an assistant manager to Mia. 

♡Relationships:

♡Status with Victor Li: Significant Other/ Love of Her Life.

*Co-workers,  best friends, lovers ,  married couple. 

History: Cassie's relationship with Victor started off rather professional than personal. They were strictly co-workers as she worked under him through her boss, Mia; she started her job at Miracle Company a few months after Miracle Finder was gaining their boost from their final episode. She made good friends with her boss and had learned about Victor through Mia who often talked her ear off about him at times. (Back then she assumed that Mia had feelings for him–not the case AT ALL) She was cautious and a little careful around him when she first met him at a charity/gala event. However, after having a conversation or two, the two surprisingly got along. Was definitely a little awkward; she was still cautious of him and he was still a bit closed off. But they became good friends as time progressed. Shortly after that event, they get to know one another and spend more time with each other outside of work; Cassie soon develops feelings for him. However, she didn't think he felt the same way. (Unbeknownst to her that he did in fact feel the same way) (She really thought that he’d have feelings for Mia) Which made her try to stray away from him for a little while. He noticed her odd behavior and how she was avoiding him. Soon he realizes of his own growing feelings for her and decides to tell her by asking her on a (ironically starry night) date at his house.* He tells her how he feels and she tells him how she feels. From then on, they were together for about 2 years before getting engaged on their third year anniversary. A year later they were happily married and had welcomed their first born child; Isabella Mae Li into the world the next. 

*Will eventually post a story on how they became a couple!

♡Status with Lucien Xu: Good Friends, Old Neighbor.

History: Cassie's relationship with Lucien started off just as acquaintances. Her boss, Mia had her meet him through work as he was just a guest on Miracle Finder. The two hit it off pretty well, however at first she was a little cautious of him due to how flirtatious and mysterious he seemed but over time as she grew a relatively good friendship with him, she began to question him less and less and stopped being cautious around him. Surprise surprise, he (and Mia) was also her neighbor(s) when she lived in the same apartment complex before she moved in with Victor. 

♡Status with Gavin Bai: Close Friends, Big Brother/Little Sister Relationship

History: Cassie's relationship with Gavin started as the two being complete strangers. However one day when she was with Mia, at Mia's favorite restaurant having lunch and discussing their recent show. Gavin had come into the restaurant and had spotted Mia to which she then introduced Cassie to him and although it was awkward because of how closed off Gavin was at the time. He was still polite and shortly after getting to know her more, he was more relaxed around her. Cassie also picked up on his little high school crush that he has for Mia and loves to tease him about it every chance she gets. (He also loves to tease her about her crush Victor- this, of course was before they confessed to one another) They now have a best friend bond and honestly act like a brother and sister at times to each other.  

♡Status with Kiro Zhou: Friends

History: Cassie's relationship with Kiro started off as acquaintances like with Lucien. However when Mia introduced her to him during a time when he was a guest appearance on Miracle Finder, the two hit it off very well. After that, the two get to know each other more and from there out the two become close friends. 

♡Status with Shaw Bai-Ling: Friends, Little Brother/Big Sister Relationship

History: Like with Gavin, the two start off as strangers. Mia told her about Shaw but they never met. However she had often seen him hanging around Mia and had introduced himself to Cassie when Mia had invited her and him to hang out outside of work. Of course she was a little wary of him but after learning more about him, they got along pretty well. He'd try to flirt with her but she always laughed it off and teased him as she knew he was much younger than her. After also finding out that Shaw and Gavin were indeed brothers, she treated him like a little brother (which never changed to begin with) 

♡Status with Mia (MC): Co-worker(Boss/Employee), Old Neighbor, Best Friends. 

History: Cassie's relationship with Mia starts off as Co-workers as she had recently applied for a job at Mia's company: Miracle Company. The two got along great and became best of friends through work and outside of work as time went on. Mia was the first to know of Cassie's crush on Victor and she had even tried to encourage her to try to confess. However with how shy she was back then she always refused. So she definitely got a few teases from her. When she found out that they were also neighbors, they definitely had spent time at each other’s apartments for sleepovers and hangouts when the week wasn’t as crazy busy as it usually is. Over time though, they have a very strong friendship.

♡Status with Cole (@times-muse-immemorial ’s OC):  Best Friends, Sister-In-Law 

History: Cassie's relationship with Cole starts off as strangers. (WIP.. Will add more detail later!♡)

♡Multiple Universes:

♡Universe 1: Cassie and Victor

Summary: In this universe, it mainly focuses on Cassandra and Victor’s relationship, which has been built on trust, friendship, respect, love, and  intimacy. This universe goes into detail of how their relationship came to be what it is now and how their relationship has blossomed into a true form of love. 

Details of their relationships (past): 

Cassandra’s Past Relationship: 

Ex-Boyfriend: Andrew Lewis (25 now, met at 16.) 

Details of Relationship: Cassie and Andrew met in high school and were together all the way from high school and throughout college. They were high school sweethearts and were a pretty popular couple amongst their school. However while it seemed like a perfect relationship on the outside; their relationship was much different behind the scenes... (WIP..Will add more detail later!)

Victor's Past Relationship:

Ex-Girlfriend: (WIP.. Will add more detail later!)

Details of Relationship: (WIP.. Will add more detail later!)

♡ Universe 2: Cassie Before Loveland

Summary: (WIP.. Will add more detail later!)

Details: (WIP.. Will add more detail later!)

♡ Universe 3: Cassie and Victor + Cole (←Victor’s Younger Sister) 

Summary: (WIP.. Will add more detail later!)

Details(present): (WIP.. Will add more detail later!)

♡Works Cassie is Featured In: 

... (WIP.. Will add links later!)

Author's Note: So I decided to post this seeing as I think it was time to shine some light onto my character Cassandra! She has become more prominent in my blog and I'd love to share with you all who she is and what she does in the MLQC Universe(s)! Keep in mind that some information is still under works and will be added over time as I continue to write and grow her character! But I hope you all enjoy learning about her! ❤

Special thanks to @times-muse-immemorial for helping me add more to Cassandra"s character by creating a new universe in which allows Cassandra and her character, Cole to interact! It has been a blast and I cannot wait to add more to their universe! 💕

[mccoyyy]

moving this to my new blog so I can pin it again lol

@stregoni-benefici you are completely correct but I just wanted to expand on this a little bit - also i’m putting this under a read more cause this got a lot longer than i originally thought it would be

sexism: smeyers treatment of female characters throughout the entire series is extremely problematic. like you don’t even need to read deep into the books to see that. the backstories of all her female characters all involve some form of trauma and are significantly more violent than the male vampires (Rosalie and Esme enduring physical/sexual assault meanwhile Edward dies of the flu and Emmett gets vibe checked by a bear).

she also creates the idea that a woman isn’t complete without children/being a mother. every female vampire in the series is desperate for children yet can’t, its mentioned in pretty much every book and extreme emphasis is placed on how tragic this is. a female character wanting children isn’t wrong or sexist at all but the way its written in twilight makes it seem like its something a woman has to do in order to be happy and smeyer pretty much cements this idea by making Bella suddenly desperate to have Renesmee despite showing no interest in children/audibly voicing her thoughts against having children in eclipse and the start of breaking dawn (i’m pretty sure Bella has a line of dialogue in the books where she says something like she didn’t realise it was something she wanted/needed until it happened bit I’m not sure I try not to read/think about breaking dawn)

there’s also the way she writes female characters, specifically Rosalie. its mentioned throughout the series that Rosalie has extreme mechanical skills and multiple degrees in STEM fields but its barely ever shown, and instead her characterisation focuses on being obsessed with her looks (first couple pages of this, written by smeyer for new moon), and being a ‘stereotypical bitch’. for the first three books most of her character/dialogue is based on being cold and rude to Bella. She is unnecessarily painted as the villain for having different views on Bella (quite literally) giving up her life and future to be with a man (which is a whole other can of worms). the same is done to the character of Leah in eclipse/breaking dawn. Leah is a woman in the Quileute Tribe, she has been severely affected by the Cullen’s presence in the area and is painted as a character that the reader is supposed to dislike simply because she doesn’t like Bella/the Cullen’s despite having extremely valid reasons not to

anti-Native - smeyers treatment of native tribes is horrendous. she has profited fr years off of of native american culture for years and has done so without any acknowledgements. furthermore, she also demonises native american teens (especially in new moon) by calling them wild, violent, dangerous and out of control and then uses these stereotypes to create a contrast between the self control and patience of the Cullen’s and make them seem more like the good guys, and the wolf pack being lesser. She does this again with the treatment of Jacobs character in new moon and especially eclipse.

Jacob starts off in new moon as Bella’s best friend. he helps Bella come out of a severe depression caused when Edward left at the start of the book. however in eclipse his character makes a complete flip and he becomes moody, temperamental, argumentative and disrespectful of Bella’s boundaries. his character becomes unrecognisable and despite smeyers claims of a love triangle, it is obvious what the outcome will be. I have seen countless instances of people on this site claiming they hate Jacob because he is a dick/disrespectful/just as unhealthy as Edward. this was done on purpose by smeyer as she uses Jacob to make Edward seem like the obvious and correct choice for Bella. if you need more proof of this, take the scene where Jacob kisses Bella without her consent and she breaks her hand when punching him, Edward swoops in and almost gets into a fight with Jacob for touching Bella without her consent. this is an obvious attempt to make Jacob seem like the villain and Edward the white saviour

there’s also the treatment of the native characters by the white characters in the books. multiple times in the series, the native characters are called/compared to dogs/brutes and have a distinct unpleasant smell. I don’t think I need to explain how this is racist. the pack also helps the Cullen’s/saves Bella’s lives and never receive any acknowledgement/are treated any better by the Cullen’s/anyone really. the pack are only ever used as a way to make the Cullen’s look better.

there’s also some pretty obvious similarities to colonisation with the Cullen’s entering Quiluete lands which then forces them to start phasing into wolves (and I’m pretty sure none of the pack actually want to start phasing). also, remember Leah? the only female member of the wolf pack? because of the change she effectively can’t have children? that has implications.

and to top it all off, after doing all that, smeyer has never once addressed this or even acknowledged the Quileute Tribe.

pedophilic - I mean even without mentioning breaking dawn its pretty awful. first of all you’ve got the blatant sexualisation of minors throughout the entire series. Edward is 17 throughout the series and smeyer is writing literal paragraphs about his chiselled abs. Jacob is 16/17 when she has him running about forks topless with a 6 pack. this is way more apparent in the movies but its still a huge issue in the books and lead to Taylor Lautner being confronted by adult fans trying to get him to sign their underwear, and being forced into being shirtless for most of the movies which made him extremely uncomfortable (Elizabeth Reaser (Esme) briefly talks about this in the ID10T podcast on spotify). and just as a reminder, Taylor was 16 when the first one was filmed and 17 for the second.

Breaking Dawn is a whole other can of worms. the glaringly obvious issue is Jacob imprinting on a literal newborn baby. now the concept of imprinting itself has racist elements to it, but its heavily implied in the series that imprinting will inevitably lead to a romantic relationship. Jacob imprinting on Renesmee and waiting until she is old enough to enter into a romantic relationship (never mind the fact that shes ‘old enough’ she will still technically be 5) is pretty much grooming. The same happens with Quil and his imprint, Claire (a two year old) where I’m pretty sure there’s a scene in breaking dawn where Jacob and Leah are watching Quil play with Claire and talking about how Quil isn’t going to date anyone because he and Claire are ‘pretty much inevitable’ (i might be wrong though, like I said I try not to read/think about breaking dawn)

smeyer has also written a spin off book (its like 250 odd pages) called the short second life of Bree Tanner (Bree is that newborn vampire killed after the battle in eclipse by the Volturi btw). In this book, Bree is 15 almost 16, and another character Diego is 18 which is definitely pushing the boundaries of ok. (also as a side note, funny how Bree and Jacob are literally the same age and smeyer states multiple times how Bree deserved better and is only a child (who straight up kills people), yet when it comes to Jacob he has to be a responsible adult and is vilified for every mistake he makes)

racist - smeyer refused to let Catherine Hardwicke (director of the first twilight) have a diverse cast because she ‘imagined them a certain way’ (white) and it was a fight to get Edi Gathegi cast as Laurent and had to compromise with smeyer to make Bella’s friend group more diverse. this woman straight up refused to hire more diverse actors and only agreed to when they were side characters/villains.

Also in the official companion book/guide to twilight, smeyer literally writes that vampire venom makes you white

‘the venom leeches all pigmentation from the skin into a more indestructable vampire form…regardless of original ethnicity a vampires skin will be exceptionally pale’ (official illustrated guide pg.69)

this is a whole lot of bullshit cause she is literally whitewashing characters, but when you pair this with the idea that vampires possess inhuman levels of beauty it becomes extremely problematic and implies that being pale/white is more beautiful than darker skin tones.

also, if we go back to Laurent’s character for a second. so Laurent is one of the only characters who isn’t described as white (in the books he is described as having a pale olive skin tone) and in the first book he comes across as pretty reasonable (warning carlisle about James/Victoria, travels up to Denali and tries out the veggie lifestyle) but in new moon, his characterisation pulls a 180° (sensing a theme here) and is suddenly trying to kill Bella as a favour to Victoria and is Evil™ despite in the first book he literally says to Carlisle he didn’t particularly like travelling with James/Victoria and was only really doing it for convenience. where did this undying loyalty come from? yet again, smeyer is completely disregarding established characterisation in POC characters specifically to villainise them.

and finally, we have Jasper. for some reason (that reason being that she is racist) smeyer decides to make Jasper a confederate soldier in his human life. if you don’t have a lot of knowledge on the american civil war, the confederacy were the side of the US that seceded from the union in order to keep their slaves. Jasper was a confederate soldier, and not just any soldier, but a major. Jasper was a major in an army that fought for 4 years to keep the existence of slavery (and don’t even try to say that slavery wasn’t the root cause of the civil war. states rights aye? states rights to do what). now there’s an argument out there made by certain fans that a lot of people joined the confederate army out of pride/were forced into it cause of conscription to try and head canon the racism away but like that doesn’t matter. there was literally no need to make jasper a confederate in the first place. if she was so desperate to have a civil war vampire then she could have made him a member of the union. its been common knowledge that the confederacy was racist for a long time now, smeyer has absolutely no excuses here.

a lot of these issues overlap and I have probably missed heaps of issues (so feel free to add on) but hope this helps explain why smeyer can *ahem* get tae absolute fuck

[hen-of-letters]

@spnprideweek day one: flags

This little ficlet for #spnprideweek is brought to you by my big, non-binary bisexual love for this beautiful fandom, and my desire to fix that moment in 'Baby' when Cas indulges Dean by saying "werepire", but Dean doesn't hear him and Cas doesn't know. It ended up getting a bit long, so there's more under the cut or over on AO3. Thanks!

Dean's at Pride, and feeling a rising level of discomfort.

It's not the fact that he's wearing eyeliner in public for the first time in his forty-two years. Hell, he'd been wanting to do that ever since he was a kid, dreaming of being a rock star. The covers of music magazines in gas station racks had been windows on a world free from the brutally narrow definition of what his Dad meant when he told him to "be a man". Gradually, though, he'd learned what is gloriously apparent today under the hot June sun: that there are as many ways of being a man as there are men.

It's not because the sleeveless white t-shirt he's wearing is somewhat snug. (The heat had made him shed his pink, purple and blue plaid shirt - the one he'd worn today because Claire always called it his 'bi flannel' - and tie it around his waist.) He and Cas are both wearing a little of their contentment on their waistlines these days, and he believes Cas when he says that he adores his body because he means it when he says the same to Cas.

It's not the big, heart-shaped sticker slapped on his chest, which is striped in the colours of the bisexual pride flag in a way that's much less subtle than the flannel. Dean's always known that he wasn't only into chicks, but putting a name to it is new. Dean's had jobs and Dean's had roles, but having an identity had always seemed like a luxury well beyond Dean's means. Now he's not constantly running for his life, though, he has the breathing room to figure himself out. And he's good with this part of himself. More than good.

It's not the two flags that are padding the pockets of his jeans. One, he'd bought for Cas: it's striped in pale pink, pale blue and white. Earlier, he'd gone with Cas when he'd met up with some friends he'd met online (having managed to get past all the cats this time). The ex-angel had found that discussing their experiences of being trans had helped him feel happy in the body that had become his own. Dean could only feel immense gratitude for the way Cas' face had lit up afterwards when he'd talked about how he was creating himself, becoming himself, and embracing the human condition of change.

Dean hopes that the gift of the trans pride flag will show Cas that Dean understands and loves him, and the same is true for the other flag, which he'd picked up for Jack. It's yellow, white, purple and black. Dean had had to do a little research when Jack had used the term non-binary - it's amazing how the world can move on while you're living in an underground bunker. He'd kept on researching, too, after he'd learned the basics. Maybe he was still figuring himself out. Maybe there was more to discover about himself, and wasn't that fantastic?

Jack is wandering around somewhere with Claire and Kaia. Jody and Donna are here, too, with Alex and Patience. Adam and Michael have probably partied their way through fifty international pride parades by now, but they should be meeting up with everyone else later. Sam and Eileen are not far away. Eileen was the one who's slapped the bi pride sticker on Dean's chest - with unnecessary force, if you asked Dean. She'd grinned at him, showed off the identical sticker on her own chest, and said, with a suitably cheesy wink, "we need to stick together". He remembered the moment he'd nervously asked her the sign for 'bisexual', and when she'd shown him - the letter signs for 'b' and 'i' - she'd added, "me too," and Dean had scooped her up into a crushing hug.His love for his family is endless, and them all being here is definitely not why he's uncomfortable.

And it's not the body glitter freckling his cheeks and his shoulders with gold, although his feelings might change by the time he tries to remove it tonight. He'd been gilded with it when he'd been dancing up a storm with a group of drag queens. They'd admired his eyeliner - a deep brown shot through with gold along his upper lashes - but winked and said it was "a little subtle for Pride". As soon as Dean had seen the tube of glitter, he'd yelled "hell yes!" and even managed to hold still long enough to be coated in the stuff before moving his body to the beat again. Although he's sure his feet will be aching later, so far his favourite cowboy boots are not the source of his discomfort.

It's not the bright pink feather boa, either, which he'd acquired from the same source as the glitter, when he'd been sent off with a kiss to the cheek and the words "be bold, honey!" He'd expected the boa to tickle or irritate, but for some bizarre reason the sensation of feathers around his shoulders and the back of his neck feels incredibly comforting and reassuring. He feels warm and safe and oh. Oh.

As that particular realisation sweeps over him, Dean tightens his hold on Cas. He's standing behind him with his right hand on Cas' hip, and his left arm is up over his shoulder and wrapped around his chest. His hand is splayed out, at once putting his silver wedding band on display and somehow attempting to conceal Cas from the eyes of his many admirers (and, well, good luck with that. Cas is incredibly beefy these days).

Which brings us to the source of Dean's discomfort; to the thing that's deepening the furrow in his brow and the dimples beside his pursed lips: namely, the sheer number of guys hitting on Cas.

It's not like Dean can blame them. Cas' muscular frame is wrapped in black jeans and a tight black t-shirt bearing the Led Zeppelin 1975 tour logo. The short sleeves show off the floral tattoos trailing down his left arm. Cas is wearing a rainbow-coloured enamel belt buckle and, because he's determined to be the death of Dean, black cowboy boots. Before they'd left, Dean hadn't been able to resist grabbing a black kohl pencil and smudging a little along Cas' upper and lower lashes. And, okay, maybe Cas' wide-eyed bewilderment every time he's flirted with is vaguely amusing. But when Dean is right here? Not cool.

Right on cue, here's another one. From over his husband's shoulder, Dean levels his very best glare at the guy. It's a look that can stop a demon dead in its tracks. A vampire would tremble. A werewolf would wet itself. But one young gay guy with a few drinks in him? Totally unaffected. Like the others, he's all smiles and understanding when Cas politely, if awkwardly, waves him away. (Literally. With a final dorky little wave goodbye.)

Dean realises that he's moved his right arm around Cas' waist, so now Dean is wrapped around Cas like some kind of koala/octopus hybrid. An octoala? A koctopus? Definitely koctopus. Heh.

Dean snorts at the thought, which is somewhat unfortunate, given that his face is right next to Cas' ear. Cas flinches and turns his head around to fix him in a squinty glare.

"Koctopus?" Dean says, apologetically.

Cas narrows his eyes further and tilts his head to the side.

"Um, the way I was wrapped around you. I was like a cross between a koala and an octopus."

Dean nudges Cas. "So what does that make me? C'mon, you know you wanna say it."

Cas just tilts his head a bit further to the side, either in confusion or outright despair. Dean has untangled himself from Cas and stepped back, and looks down at the ground, suddenly self-conscious.

Dean feels Cas' hand on his shoulder, and then it smooths over his back, finding the back of his neck underneath the boa. Whatever his shape, Cas' touch has the exact same effect on Dean. He looks up into the impossibly blue eyes of his husband.

"You're a very glittery," Cas begins, softly, "and very beautiful," one corner of his mouth lifts, and then he purses his lips together, trying to hold back the smile, "koctopus."

The corners of his eyes are crinkled. He's not amused by the joke, Dean knows, just absurdly pleased to be saying something he knows will make Dean happy. Of course Dean knows that Cas loves him, knows the whole cosmic-realm-crossing magnitude of it, but in little moments like this, he's floored by it. Dean can't help his sudden exhale or the massive grin that breaks across his face. He wraps his husband up in hug that they hold for a good long moment, before Dean leans back to kiss Cas.

No one had ever explained to Dean how difficult it is to kiss someone when you can't stop smiling. He'd never had that problem before Cas, but now it's practically a daily occurrence. It's a menace because kissing Cas is one of Dean's favourite pastimes. Now, they trade little pecks between wide, toothy grins, until passion takes over and the kisses become heavier.

It takes someone wolf-whistling for them to part, and then they're back to grinning and staring into each others' eyes, until Dean spots something on Cas' face. And something else. And something else. In fact, there's something all over Cas, and that something is gold glitter. It's on his face, his hands, his Zeppelin shirt, and even in his hair. Dean runs his fingers through the unruly curls - Cas has been wearing his hair longer lately - in an attempt to shake it out, but only deposits more glitter into Cas' locks.

"Oops," Dean says, "I kinda glitter bombed you there. It's all over your shirt, too. Sorry, Sunshine."

He doesn't sound terribly sorry.

"This is your shirt, Dean."

"Aw, man."

He does sound a little sorry now, but his future laundry woes are forgotten when Cas presses another kiss to his pouting lips. They're forgotten again when something across the crowd catches Dean's eye.

"Oooh," Dean exclaims as he drags Cas towards the stall he's spotted.

It's selling cowboy hats in every configuration of colour imaginable, and Dean is practically jumping on the spot excitement. Cas looks his husband up and down, slowly.

"You think your outfit's lacking accessories?" he deadpans.

"Yup," is Dean's gleeful reply, "and so's yours."

Cas' groan is lost to the noise of the crowd and the beat of the music, so no-one will ever know if it was one of protest or defeat. He does, in fact, end up wearing a black cowboy hat with a rainbow band, so if it was protest then it was highly ineffective. Dean's has a pink crown, purple band and blue brim, and he's carrying another black one with a band in the non-binary flag colours for Jack. Cas admits that Jack's going to love it.

"Damn, this is awesome," Dean says as they head back to meet up with the rest of their family.

Walking hand in hand with Cas, Dean's thoughts wander. Dean could kick his younger self for every time he'd called someone gay or a girl as a way of saying they were weak. Because all he can see in the people around him is strength. He grins again, giddy with the atmosphere of defiant joy. All around him is everything he'd spent his life fighting to protect: freedom, family, and love. Holding his husband's hand a little tighter, he's grateful that in the end he gets to have both: freedom and peace.

[jamiemackenziefraser]

All That Was Fair

Chapter 26: Fraser Publishing (part 1)

Summary: Unwilling to leave her at home, Jamie takes Claire into work with him. She makes some rather unexpected friends, resulting in a conversation where Claire has to drop a bombshell.

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Chapter 26: Fraser Publishing

***

Claire was nearly buzzing with excitement the whole car ride into the city. Jamie tried to stay on task in explaining what to expect at his office, but she was so damn adorable that he just kept getting off track. All of him wanted to just tell her to be herself and damn the consequences, but his publishing company was a family business, run by his closest friends and relatives, and he couldn’t afford to have them on his back over his strange girlfriend— well, anymore than they already were. He just needed to pass Claire off as normal enough before hiding her in his office with him for a few hours. 

He knew he didn’t need to bring Claire with him; he’d just feel better if she were by his side instead of facing down God-knows-what human catastrophe by herself enough. Leaving her that past Friday had been nerve-wracking enough, even before coming home to find her terrified by the storm. After his worry over her health the night before, there was no way he could leave alone. 

She’d woken up that morning seeming like her usual self, and it brought Jamie endless relief. There had been a light in her eyes again from the moment she’d woken him with gentle kisses.  Feeling much reassured but still anxious not to leave her alone, he’d come up with a plan while holding her in his arms that morning in bed. He had decided that she would come in with him, give a few smiles and waves to his staff, and then he’d get a few hours of work done with her tucked safely in his office.

Naturally, Claire had agreed to go with him with eager enthusiasm, and she’d bounded up to get herself ready before racing to the car. 

And that was where Jamie found himself then, driving into the city with a vibrating faerie in his passenger seat. 

 “Jamie I can’t wait to meet everyone,” she said, grinning ecstatically over at him. 

Their hands were laced together over the middle console, and she gave his knuckles a brush with her thumb— back and forth. 

“Aye, lass, but maybe it’d be better if ye—”

When she looked up at him, her eyes shining with enthusiasm, he cut himself off. He’d warned her enough. She knew to be careful, he didn’t need to dim her light. 

“Ah, nothin’,” he dismissed, answering her grin with one of his own, “they’ll love ye.” 

*

The building was nothing grandiose, just a one-story office space that Jamie prided himself on being rather homey. He wanted it to reflect the comfort that books brought him instead of being some sleek, modern facility that was cold and distant, and he thought he’d done a rather fine job of it. Claire, of course, had no comments about the finer points of architecture and interior design. She simply held his hand as they walked inside the front door. 

Jamie found himself holding his breath, his whole body tenses with nerves, and it was actually Claire’s squeeze of his hand that calmed him down, rather than the other way around. 

Upon entering, they were met with the sight of Mrs. Crook, his receptionist, sitting at her desk with the phone pressed to her ear. As soon as she caught sight of them, her eyes went wide with delight and she slammed the phone down. She stood up from her desk and came around in front of it, smiling. 

“Hope that wasna an important call,” Jamie joked. 

But the sweet lady had eyes only for the lass attached to his side. 

“Hello, dear. Jamie, who is yer bonny lass?” she asked. 

Claire straightened up instantly, absorbing the praise like it fed her, and let go of Jamie’s hand to step up to Mrs. Crook. 

“I’m Claire,” she said, beaming at her. 

Mrs. Crook was a goner, for sure. 

“Oh, Claire, verra nice to meet ya, I’m Mrs. Crook,” the receptionist answered, looking absolutely tickled by her. 

“I’m so happy to meet Jamie’s friends!” Claire exclaimed. 

His faerie, bold as ever, went straight in for the hug, wrapping her arms around Mrs. Crook with enough sincerity and warmth to bulldoze a person flat. 

Mrs. Crook was a bit taken aback but nonetheless delighted to be on the receiving end of such an unexpected gesture and quickly wrapped her arms around Claire, chuckling softly. Claire squeezed the lady gently once before letting go, stepping back from her to give one more wide smile. 

“Come on, a ghraidh,” Jamie quickly broke in before Claire could delve too much further into the unexpected, “there’s lots of people to meet.” 

Jamie took Claire’s hand, and she stepped back into the safety of his side, nodding. 

“Ye’ve got a sweet one there, Jamie,” Mrs. Crook said approvingly, “come around anytime, Claire, dear!” 

Bringing Claire further into the office, Jamie walked down toward the hall, knowing exactly who he wanted her to meet next. Sure enough, his quarry found them before they could find him.  

“John!” Jamie said as the blonde man stopped in his tracks and looked up in surprise, “I wanted tae introduce ye to my girlfriend, Claire. Claire,” he turned toward his wee lass, who was looking at John with that same beaming smile she’d given Mrs. Crook, “this is my friend, John Grey. He handles the financials.” 

“Hello!” she exclaimed. 

Before Jamie could squeeze her hand or do anything to keep her settled, Claire was flying over to give John a hug. 

“Oh,” John huffed out a laugh of surprise as she embraced him, “hello.” 

To his credit, John barely skipped a beat before hugging her back. Jamie watched his lass fondly, Claire standing on her tiptoes in order to reach John properly. John shot Jamie a helpless and confused look over Claire’s shoulder, and Jamie could only smile and shake his head. 

He loved her more than anything. 

It was so strange to see her here, in this area of his life. The last few weeks with her had been magical, unreal— tucked away in their little bubble of paradise at his home. Now, here she was, in his place of work, and it was like two worlds colliding. It wasn’t unpleasant though, simply jarring. He couldn’t help imagining this being his life— Claire coming into work to visit him on lunch break, bringing everyone cookies during a long evening of work, stopping by with their children to visit….

He was getting ahead of himself. 

With a mental slap on the wrist, Jamie brought his attention back to the scene in front of him where Claire was just letting go of John. 

“Nice to meet you, Claire,” John chuckled. He looked over at Jamie, his brows drawn together, and seemed to war within himself over what to say for a second before commenting, “Jamie, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” 

Jamie smiled a bit. “It’s still rather new I suppose, but she’s a keeper for sure.” 

That got Claire’s attention, and she turned back toward Jamie, face soft with affection, and stepped to him so she could press a sweet kiss to his cheek and take his hand again.

Naturally, it was that exact moment when an all too familiar voice called out his name from behind him, the “James” dripping with disapproval. 

Feeling like he was about to face the chopping block, Jamie turned slowly around to see the whole Murray family— Ian, the weans, wee Jamie, Maggie, and Katherine, and of course, Jenny. 

“Hello, sister,” Jamie said, squeezing Claire closer to him protectively. He sent a quick prayer up to heaven that Jenny would take it easy and forgo making a scene. Claire, for her part, glued herself to Jamie’s side as if she fully intended to be a permanent fixture there. 

“Bringing yer trollop into work now, I see,” Jenny gestured toward Claire with her chin, narrowing her eyes. 

“Dinna speak of her that way,” Jamie growled. He felt the hair on the back of his neck standing on end, his patience wearing thin before they’d even begun. God give him patience. 

Ever the peacemaker, Ian chose that moment to break the tension. “Hello, Jamie, good tae see ye back.” 

“Good tae see ye too, Ian,” Jamie replied, but his attention went straight back to his exasperating sister, “what brings ye and the weans in today, Jenny?” 

“I could ask ye the same, seein’ as—”

“Jes’ here for the morning, and then we’ll go out fer lunch,” Ian cut in. 

“Lovely,” Jamie remarked without any real enthusiasm, soured as he was by Jenny’s animosity toward Claire. 

“Dinna take that attitude wi’ me, James,” his sister chided. 

“I believe ye’re the one wi’ an attitude, Janet,” Jamie shot back. 

She put her hands on her hips, leveling him with her best motherly disapproval, but she refused to comment further. She must have known that he was right. 

While Jamie had been staring down his sister, he hadn’t even noticed that Claire had let go of his hand. But he suddenly realized that the wee body was gone from his side, and his heart skipped a beat. He whipped his head around to find Claire kneeling off to the side, talking in hushed tones to wee Jamie and exchanging smiles with the lad. On her right side, Maggie was already wrapping her arms around Claire’s leg fondly. 

Jenny followed his gaze to see her bairns interacting with Claire, and her irritation rose ever further. 

“Jamie, get back here,” she hissed at her son, beckoning him toward her side. 

“Mama, can we play wi’ the nice lady while Da works?” wee Jamie asked, reaching out for Claire’s hand. 

Claire, the charmer, took it with a smile, looking up toward Jenny as innocently as possible. There was no hint of smugness on Claire’s face, no pettiness that other people would have had in such a circumstance. She only looked politely to Jenny for approval. 

Maggie, only 4, was bobbing her head too. 

Jenny sighed, putting her hands on her hips and looking down at them for a long moment. Three pairs of eyes looked up at her in longing, and Jamie’s foul mood was dissolving by the second to see his love looking so soft with his niece and nephew. 

She certainly made friends fast, that one. 

“Alright, I suppose that wouldna be the worst thing. Jes’ stay where I can see ye,” Jenny relented. 

What followed was the most distractingly adorable two hours of Jamie’s life. His office being the biggest (but mostly because he didn’t want to let Claire out of his sight), he’d invited Jenny and Claire and the children in while he and Ian got some work done. Claire had sat on the floor with the weans, playing and chatting amicably, the whole time. She had the most distinct way of interacting with them— motherly, but at the same time, she didn’t baby talk them. She simply engaged their whims, bonding over whatever silly games they were playing, making them feel like they were the most important thing in the world. 

Jamie’s heart nearly burst over the sweet picture. He couldn’t help but imagine Claire with weans of her own— their bairns. She’d make an extraordinary mother, as he saw first hand. Safe to say, he did not get hardly any work done. 

He wasn’t the only one watching the sweet scene. Jenny’s eyes were fixed on Claire the whole time, and Jamie could see the softening in his sister’s posture as she reluctantly came to the realization that the lass who she was so set against truly loved her children. At one point, Jenny even glanced over toward Jamie, catching his eye and giving him a reluctant smile. 

It wasn’t near an apology, not even close, but Jamie still treasured this first step toward a change of heart, and gave his sister a smile and a nod back. 

He thought no one could stay hardened against his faerie for long, not even his stubborn sister, and it brought him comfort to think it was likely only a matter of time before Claire won her over too. 

When the time came for the Murray family to go on their lunch date, the goodbyes were excruciating. 

“Will we see ye again soon, Claire?” wee Jamie asked, clutching Claire’s hand tightly while his mother waited for him at the door of Jamie’s office, holding Kitty in her arms. 

“I hope so,” Claire said with a smile, shooting a glance toward Jenny, “Now you’d better go, your mother’s waiting.” 

Wee Jamie launched himself at Claire, wrapping her thigh in a tight hug before bounding toward his mam. Maggie did the same, hugging Claire quickly before pulling back and saying, “bye-bye, Claire.” 

“Bye, Maggie, darling,” Claire said, giving the wee lassie’s curls a ruffle. 

Soon, the door was closing behind the Murrays, leaving Claire and Jamie alone in the privacy of his office. 

His lass turned to him with a bright smile, starting to say “they’re—”

But Jamie— finding his self control at a minimum and his amorous intentions through the roof— cut her off by pulling her against him by the waist and pressing his lips to hers. 

She melted into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Jamie’s neck and allowing him to kiss her breathless. 

“What was that for?” she asked, panting, when he finally pulled away. 

“Ye jes’ looked sae bonny wi’ them,” Jamie said, “I've been wantin’ tae do that for hours.” 

“Oh,” was all she could say, but looked rather pleased. 

Her lips curved up, raising the apples of her cheeks, but she downcast her eyes. She looked so beautiful that Jamie couldn’t resist reaching out and finding a curl to tuck behind her ear. 

“Listen, we’ve some time for lunch. What would ye say to a wee walk around the park nearby?” Jamie asked. 

Claire nodded, and before he knew it, they were hand in hand, strolling around the empty park. The sun had decided to peak out from the clouds, illuminating an otherwise dreary day, and Jamie couldn’t imagine a more perfect lunch break. Nor could he image spending another lunch break alone after the bliss of having her there— but that was a problem for another day. 

As they walked along quietly, enjoying the day and the company, there was something sitting heavily on the tip of his tongue. He knew in his brain that this wasn’t really the right time to broach this serious conversation, but seeing her with the bairns had done something to him, and he couldn’t seem to taper down the question rising in his chest. 

Before he could stop it, his mouth was saying, ‘Claire, can I ask ye somethin?” 

She looked up at him, face open as always, and replied, “of course, Jamie. You can always ask me anything.” 

“Ehm… well this… this is a bit o’ an odd question…” 

Claire chuckled softly, tugging on his hand. “Out with it.” 

“I was jes wonderin’ how… ehm… how the fair folk... reproduce... and— and if it’s the same as humans,” he finally forced out. 

Claire looked surprised, taken aback for a moment before a soft blush began to spread over her cheeks. 

“Oh,” she said, “well. I… I wouldn’t know about human reproduction, but I can tell you how it goes for the fair folk.” 

She went on to explain, in hushed tones, the physical act of reproduction. To Jamie’s delight, it sounded exactly like the human way of doing things. By the end of Claire’s overview, the tips of both of their ears were flushed pink. 

A variety of feelings all swirled around inside Jamie. Foremost was elation bubbling up inside his chest, happiness as the thought of a future with her, a marriage like he could have with any lass. Accompanying that was desire. He couldn’t help but imagine the possibilities now that he knew sex was, in fact, on the table. Relief went hand in hand, and he nearly laughed at himself over how comforted he was that the secret fear— the fear that he’d never be able to be intimate with her in that way— was no longer an issue. 

As soon as he’d explained that everything she said went the same for humans, he couldn’t help the rush of words bursting out of him, “ye see, I’d been wonderin’ that for a while, but I didna want tae overwhelm ye. Sorry if the question was a bit sudden. It was jes’ seein’ ye wi’ my sister’s bairns, thinkin’ about how great a mother ye’d be... I jes’ had to ken if there was a possibility of that for us. In the future, of course, I dinna mean any time soon. But now that I know there is that possibility, Claire, ye’ve made me sae happy. I dinna want to get ahead of myself, but it’s always been a dream of mine to have bairns, and knowin—”

Jamie— caught up in his ramblings as he was— didn’t notice Claire until that moment. Her face had fallen and body tensed, her whole posture screaming that something was wrong. Jamie’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach, and the words died in his throat. 

“Claire? What’s wrong, a ghraidh?” 

She bit her lip, looking away from him. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard. Something was really wrong, and it sent Jamie’s nerves on edge. 

He stopped walking, pulling Claire to a stop by her hand. She still wouldn’t look at him, so he gently took her face in his hand and tilted it upward. 

“Claire?” he prompted, his voice sticking in his throat, “tell me, lass.” 

She was quiet for a long time before she finally spoke. 

“I don’t think— I mean...” she fumbled quietly, avoiding his eyes, “I… I’ve thought a lot about it. I’ve dreamt of us having babies too, Jamie. But I—” tears beaded in her eyes, and she finally fixed her gaze on him for the first time, “I don’t think we can. I don’t think we’re physiologically compatible enough. We’d be able to be intimate, but… nothing would come of it.” 

The tears in her eyes finally broke free, two perfect lines trailing down her cheek in sync. 

“I know it’s your dream...” she continued, tightness in her distraught voice, “I'm sorry. I’m so sorry, Jamie.” 

“Oh, Claire,” the words tore from his chest like air from a punctured balloon. 

Feeling just as deflated, he drew her into a tight hug, pulling her body against his and squeezing tightly. She went willing, pressing her teary face into his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her back, he could feel her chest shaking with the force of containing her sobs. 

“Claire, mo ghraidh,” he said gently into her hair, “I have no life but you. Dinna cry, a leannan, dinna cry. There are other ways fer us to have bairns, even if they arena our own. And that way I wouldna have tae watch ye suffer.” 

She looked up at him then, blinking, looking confused. “I can bear pain myself,” he expanded, “but I couldna bear yours. It would take more strength than I have.” 

A tear rolled down her cheek, and he brought his hand up to cup her face and swipe it away with his thumb. Her eyes were swimming with disappointment and guilt in a way that tore at Jamie’s insides. 

“I love ye, Claire. I wouldna trade bein’ wi’ ye for the world. Even if it means that our bairns canna be our own flesh and blood.” 

Tear drops were beaded on her eyelashes, and she blinked them away. He couldn’t help but think how heartbreakingly beautiful she looked at that moment. 

“You… you won’t regret that I’m different… that I can’t give you your dream?” she asked. 

“No, no, Claire,” he said firmly, pulling her back into his tight embrace with the same force his words held, “I’ve told ye before, I will never regret who ye are, because I love you. More than anything. Do ye hear me, lass?” 

She nodded against his shoulder, her hands stroking up his back. 

Jamie drew away enough so that he could take hold of her chin with his thumb and forefingers. Her skin was soft under his fingertips, still damp. He brushed his fingers back and forth, trying to dry it. 

“Please, darling, no more tears. I canna stand to see ye weep.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry for bringin’ this up now.”

“Don’t be sorry, Jamie. I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have told you sooner,” she choked out, a fresh wave of tears rolling from her cheeks and dripping onto his hand. 

“Nah, nah, lass,” he wiped them away untiringly, “please, dinna apologize.” He was quiet for a moment and then said, “I love you, Claire.” 

She let out a breathy sound and a gasp that was almost a laugh, and then smiled with watery eyes. “I love you, Jamie.” 

He took her in his arms then, holding her close, feeling like she— or he— might fly to pieces the moment he let go. Life in the park went on around them, birds singing and wind rustling through the greenery, but Jamie only had attention for Claire. The rending in his own chest would wait. All that mattered was her. 

She was enough. She would always be enough. And he would spend every day for the rest of her life making sure she knew that. 

***

Next

[let-the-dream-begin]

A Family of Our Own: Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Read on AO3

May, 1754

Claire was in her garden with Maggie. Brianna and Kitty were supposed to be helping as well, but they were a bit preoccupied chasing chickens and making the dogs bark their heads off.

“I don’t want to hear it if either of you get bitten!” Claire called over her shoulder.

“We won’t, Mummy!” Brianna said, exasperated.

Claire turned back to face Maggie again, and the girl shook her head.

“Ye canna stop them,” she said. “No’ until it’s too late.”

“You’re too right.”

Claire was just about to demonstrate something for Maggie when the sound of a horse’s hooves caught her ear.

“Girls! Get the dogs inside!” They obeyed, turning it into another game of sorts to corral the beasts. She didn’t want the dogs spooking the horse and throwing whoever the rider was to the ground. It was midday, and they weren’t expecting any visitors. Claire squinted down the road, wiping her hands free of dirt on her apron, her throat clenching on instinct at the sight of a flash of red. Her nerves settled however, when she remembered.

Once a quarter.

Apparently it was time for Jamie’s first visit from Lord John Grey.

“Who is it, then?” Jenny appeared on the porch, flanked by the girls, including Janet this time, all having realized that getting the dogs inside could only mean a visitor on horseback.

“It’s Lord Grey,” Claire said, returning to Maggie’s side.

“Lord ha’ mercy,” Jenny breathed. “Inside, girls. Now.”

“He won’t hurt anybody,” Claire said, furrowing her brow. “There’s no need to worry. Jamie trusts him.”

“That makes one of us,” Jenny said, her jaw hard, and her eyes fierce. “Inside,” she said again, and Maggie trudged past Claire to obey her mother.

“Wait, Brianna,” Claire called, stopping her from joining the throng.

“Are ye mad, sister?”

“I want her to meet him,” Claire said lightly. “It’s about time she meets a respectable Englishman,” she reasoned, with no little disdain directed at the assortments of horrible Englishmen they’d been harassed by over the years. “Besides, he’s a friend of her father.”

“Respectable and English dinna belong in the same sentence,” Jenny grumbled, ushering the girls inside.

“Should I take offense to that?” Claire said testily, putting one hand on her hip and the other on Brianna’s shoulder.

“I’ll let ye know in a bit.” She gestured with her chin, and Claire turned around to see the horse crossing the threshold of the archway. She was surprised by his appearance; she didn’t know why. Perhaps it was because he bore little to no resemblance to the scrawny young lad from all those years ago. His face was kind and gentle; his eyes held both quiet mirth and an impenetrable sadness. He was slender but still finely muscled, the makings of a good soldier.

“Good day, Madame,” he said, slowing his horse to a stop. “Is this Broch Tuarach?”

“That it is,” Claire answered.

The man paused for a moment, blinking back something that was seemingly shock, his lips parting silently, then closing. “Well,” he said, awed. “I do believe I’m in the presence of the Englishwoman I’ve heard so very much about.”

He dismounted, keeping hold on the reins. He bowed lowly, bringing his tricorn hat to his chest, maintaining eye contact all the while. “Lord John Grey,” he said. “I am entirely at your service, Ma’am.”

“Claire Fraser,” she answered, curtsying, keeping one hand on Brianna’s shoulder. “And I do believe it is I who is at your service, my Lord. You’re the reason I’m no longer a widow, after all.”

He smiled, almost seeming uncomfortable as he put his hat back in place. “Yes, well, it was the least I could do,” he said. “And this is?”

“Brianna Fraser,” Claire said proudly, nudging the girl a bit so that she’d curtsy. “My daughter. Jamie’s daughter.”

“My God,” John breathed, his eyes wide with wonder. “No wonder she’s his spitting image. He never mentioned…”

“He never knew,” Claire said sadly. “I wasn’t showing until after Culloden. She was quite the surprise.” Claire gripped both of Brianna’s shoulders.

“Indeed,” John said. “Well, Mistress Fraser, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Brianna answered, her normally hybrid speech entirely posh, her nose stuck in the air. Claire briefly contemplated that perhaps her daughter was mocking John’s Englishness, but she quickly dismissed the thought.

“She doesn’t have the burr, then?” John said, amused.

“She has whatever she wants in the moment,” Claire said with a chuckle. “She’s quite the impressionist. Isn’t that right, darling?”

“Indeed, Mother,” she said in the same tone, staring John down, or up, rather.

Both of the adults chuckled, perhaps a bit uncomfortably.

“This is one of Da’s dearest friends, Brianna,” Claire said cheerily, squeezing her shoulders and looking down at her. “He’s the reason that he came home to us. I’d like it if we were all friends. Wouldn’t you?”

“I should indeed love to make the acquaintance of one of the King’s finest,” Brianna said rather obnoxiously, drawling the vowels like a veritable fop. “Even if he’s a bloody Redcoat,” she added, not skipping a beat, her accent remaining perfect.

“Brianna — !”

“John!”

Before Claire could scold her daughter’s behavior, Jamie came running from the side of the house, trailed closely by Rabbie, likely along to take care of John’s horse. John smiled uncomfortably at Claire before turning to greet Jamie as he quickly approached. Claire was rather shameless in how she admired her husband, glistening as he was with sweat from a long day in the fields, curls damp and wild, shirt slightly stained at the collar and clinging to him despite its loose fitting, exposing the overworked muscles beneath. She had to remind herself there was company, including that of their small daughter.

Dragging her eyes off of her husband’s beautifully made body, she immediately noticed she was not the only one aware of said beauty.

John immediately changed when Jamie came into view, in ways that Claire could not exactly put her finger on. He seemed lighter, as if being fed for the first time after months of starvation.

Christ...this isn’t attraction.

This man is in love with my husband.

“Christ, man, it’s good to see ye,” Jamie said enthusiastically, shaking John’s hand with fervor. “Ye’ve met her then? Ye met my wife? And my child?”

Any insecurity that had just seized Claire’s heart upon her realization melted away, and she strode contentedly to meet Jamie, pulling Brianna along by the hand. She smiled, standing at Jamie’s side and settling herself into him, warming to her core as Jamie draped an arm over her shoulder. She reveled in the smell of him; dirt, manure, sweat, and Jamie, his general masculinity.

“Yes, I’ve had the pleasure,” John said, smiling more genuinely at Claire. “Beautiful, both of them.”

“Thank ye, a charaid.” Jamie was warm against her, flushing with pride. “Can ye imagine? I had a bairn all those years and I hadnae a single clue.”

“I can’t imagine,” John said. “You must have been overjoyed.”

“Aye.” Jamie looked down at me, catching my eye sweetly, then winked down at Brianna. “She is...they both are my greatest joys.”

“It does my heart good to see you so happy, Jamie,” John’s voice became soft and light, his eyes glistening. “To have seen you through such pain, then to see you like this…” He stopped himself, seemingly overcome. Claire threaded her arm around Jamie, grasping at his side. “It’s overwhelming.”

“It is,” Jamie agreed. “There are still days I canna believe it’s true. I’m overwhelmed near every day at my luck. And it’s because of you, John. You are the reason I’ve got them back.”

He grasped John’s hand, tightly. Claire felt herself go flush, and she tightened her grip on Jamie’s side despite herself.

“I’d do it again and again, Jamie, no matter the risk.”

Their hands remained clasped together, and they maintained eye contact, and Claire suddenly felt like an unwelcome voyeur to something she did not fully understand.

He told me nothing happened. He told me nothing happened. He—

“Mummy,” Brianna piped, still not dropping her put-on airs. “I would quite enjoy something to eat.”

“Christ, a nighean, why’re ye speaking like yer mother?” Jamie wrinkled his nose down at Brianna, finally releasing John’s hand.

Brianna shot a look at John, her nostrils flared. “I’m hungry.”

“Alright, lovie. Go inside and ask Mary MacNab for something from the kitchen. We’ll be in.”

Claire briefly brushed a few curls away from Brianna’s face before the girl scampered inside, apparently all too eager to get away.

“I’m sorry…” Claire said once Brianna was inside. “She’s not normally so rude.”

“She was rude?” Jamie furrowed his brow.

“Before you got here, she called him a bloody Redcoat.”

Jamie snorted, then smiled crookedly at John. “Well, she isna wrong.”

Claire pinched Jamie’s side, causing him to jerk a bit.

“She also was most certainly mocking his speech,” Claire said. “She does that sometimes, impersonates the Redcoats that come by. To make her cousins laugh. I suppose she thought she’d try doing it to your face since she knows you’re a friend.”

“Yes, well,” John dipped his head a bit, clasping his hands behind his back. “I can’t say I blame her. I’ve heard brutal things.”

“Aye. My family suffered many an indignity in my absence at the hand of some Redcoat or another,” Jamie said, tightening his grip on Claire. “My brother-in-law told me Claire was beaten.”

“Oh, Jamie,” Claire said. “I wish he hadn’t…”

“No, I’m glad he did. Because if he ever returned — ”

“I know Lord John is a friend,” Claire interrupted quickly. “But perhaps it’s best either way to...refrain. From what you’re about to say. Or anything similar.”

Jamie nodded, tight-lipped. “Aye. Well, ye get the idea. The wean’s trust has been broken. Hers and the rest of my family, unfortunately. My sister is none too pleased ye’re here.”

“Brianna has had to lie to protect me, us, all her life,” Claire said softly. “She saw me bruised and bloodied after that beating. She’s...she’s only eight. Back then she was only six. It’s...difficult to conceptualize a ‘good Redcoat’. For everyone, not just her.”

“I understand,” John said. “Believe me, I do. The last thing I want is to make anybody uncomfortable. I’ll just fill out the report and be on my way.”

“Ye mean just leave?” Jamie said, incredulous. “I’ll no’ have that. Ye’ve been traveling fer days, no doubt, no’ a home-cooked meal in sight.”

“Well, yes — ”

“And beds at an inn arena so comfortable, I ken it well.”

“Stay the night?” Claire said, perhaps a little too abruptly. “Do you think that’s the best idea? You know...Jenny?” she added quickly.

Not because I’m threatened...because of Jenny.

“Jenny can hang,” Jamie said, genially. “This man sacrificed his own safety to see me home. Right this minute he’s putting himself in danger, knowing as he does I’m no Mister Malcolm. The least we can do fer him is give him some leisure, good food, and a warm bed. Fer one night.”

Claire sighed. “Alright. But you are talking to Jenny.”

John chuckled, oblivious as to just how much he should fear Janet Fraser Murray.

“Speaking of Mister Malcolm, should I mention a Mistress Malcolm in my report?” John asked.

“Well...the other officers who’ve come by know me as a Fraser cousin, and a Scot at that,” Claire said uneasily. “Elizabeth Fraser.”

“I suppose I could say Mister Malcolm was made a widower during his time in prison, and that he’s remarried to the previously unmarried Fraser cousin. Would that make it easier for you both to live your lives together?”

Jamie and Claire exchanged a look. “What d’ye think, mo ghraidh? Any interest in being Mrs. Malcolm?”

She hummed an amused laugh. “It would be an honor.”

He leaned in to kiss her sweetly, and Claire was so swept up in the moment, she nearly forgot John was standing right in front of them.

“I thank ye, John,” Jamie said warmly.

“We thank you,” Claire corrected, smiling at John while embracing Jamie, “my friend.”

“It is a privilege to be known as such by such a woman,” John said with a small bow of his head.

“Shall I show ye around the grounds, then?” Jamie said, excited. “The lads are in the fields waiting fer me to return, but they can surely wait. Fergus can lead.”

“Fergus. Your son?” John said, as if recalling.

“Aye,” Jamie said, swelling with pride. “Ye’ll meet him at supper.”

Claire nearly offered to show John around herself so that Jamie may get back to work, but she knew that he was proud of his ancestral home and that he would find great joy in showing his friend all there was to see.

But she was too curious to pass up the opportunity to be alone with John for a few minutes.

“Why don’t you tell the lads you won’t be back so they’re not waiting for you? The last thing we need is Jenny’s wrath that productivity was slowed for all this,” Claire said.

“Aye, ye’re right.”

“We’ll wait for you in the stables, I’ll show him the stock.”

Jamie made a Scottish noise of approval, squeezing Claire to him and kissing her temple before darting off to the fields.

“Shall we?”

Claire looked up to see that John was offering her his arm. She curtsied slightly before accepting, fitting her arm in the crook of his elbow before heading off around the house and toward the stables.

“You have no idea how often he spoke of you,” John said, seemingly out of nowhere. “He loves you dearly.”

“I know,” Claire said. “I can assure you it is equally returned. Believing him dead was...nothing short of horrific. For eight years.”

“I am sorry,” John said, sincerely. “If there were a way to get word to you safely…”

“Please, don’t. You’ve risked yourself enough as it is.” Claire gave his arm a squeeze, offering him a reassuring smile.

A small silence passed between them, nothing to be heard but the bleating of the goats, the clucking of the chickens, and the leaves rustling around them.

“You love him,” Claire said.

John stiffened against her, nearly stopping in his tracks. “No, I hardly know what — ”

“It wasn’t a question,” Claire said, strengthening her resolve a bit, hardening her jaw. “Jamie told me of your predilections.”

He made to pull away, panicked. “Madame, I — ”

“It’s alright, my Lord.” Claire tightened her grip, not letting him get away. “Where I come from...such things are not so taboo.”

He gawked at her. “I’d certainly like to know where that is.”

“It’s...hard to explain,” Claire said wistfully.

John cleared his throat. “How...how much did he tell you?”

“He told me of your friend that you lost. Which…I am sorry for that loss.”

“Thank you,” he said, his voice tight.

“And he told me how you...looked at him. And now that you’re here...I see it.” Claire looked away, staring ahead at the stables as they came into closer view. “You look at him the way he looks at me.”

“I…” John sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m not sure either.” Claire kept her gaze ahead, uncomfortably aware of their closeness. “In a way, selfishly...I’m glad you love him so much. Because that’s what brought him back to me. But it’s...cruel, isn’t it?”

“How is that?”

“Because he...he’s not…” Claire almost stopped, as John nearly had before. “He isn’t. Is he?”

John chuckled softly, smiling sadly. “There were a few times where I thought perhaps he might be. But his heart belongs to only one.”

Claire could feel his eyes on her, so she turned her head, making uncomfortable eye contact. “So you really never…”

“No, Madame, I did not. We did not.” He did stop then, looking at her seriously. “I’d never met you, of course, but I’d not be able to live with myself if I was part of betraying you.” He started walking again, his more serious point made. “I confess I hardly even had the desire, knowing as I did how madly he loves you.”

“Hardly?” Claire’s brow furrowed.

“Well…” She could feel the heat from his blush radiating off of him. “I couldn’t say never. That would be a lie. And I do pride myself on my honesty.” His words were clipped and terse; Claire almost regretted bringing it up. “You could say the mind was willing, but the flesh was weak. In a way.”

Claire nodded slowly, staring ahead again. “If it...weren’t for me. Would you have?”

She felt him stiffen again. “No. It would be an abuse of my power over him. Such a thing would be despicable.”

Despite his discomfort, Claire could hear the genuineness in his voice. It was a comfort to know, but that still wasn’t what she meant.

“What if...that wasn’t an issue?” she pressed further. “Would you have?”

She heard him swallow. “Well...yes. I’d have tried.”

Claire nodded. “Would he…?”

“You know him better than I do,” John said, not a hint of malice. He meant it.

“I’m...I’m not so sure about that,” Claire said, sounding more sad than she’d meant to. “I just mean it’s...it’s been eight years. A lot of things can change in that time. People change.”

“While that may be true, Madame Fraser, one thing has not changed,” he stopped again, turning to face her, taking both of her hands in his, “and that is the love he bears you. That I can assure you.”

Claire forced a smile, gratefully squeezing his hand.

“God, you are a dreadfully forward woman,” he said, chuckling.

“I’ve always been terribly honest,” she said sheepishly.

“While frightening, I don’t find that necessarily a detriment,” he said lightly. He offered his arm again, and she took it much less hesitantly, leading the rest of the way to the stables.

“Do you know that I bear you no ill will?” John said rather suddenly. “I realize how shallow of a promise that may seem, given that you have everything I’ve ever wanted and could never have. But it’s true.” Claire felt shame burning in her core to think of her initial reaction to the depth of John’s feelings. “Do you know what I said to Jamie after he was freed?”

“Cherish that wife of yours, Fraser,” Claire quoted fondly. “He told me.”

“Did he tell you why I said it?”

“No?”

“He asked me what he could do to repay me,” John said.

Claire felt an unexpected rush of tears, suddenly overcome with something resembling pity, mixed with immense gratitude. She squeezed his arm and looked at him.

“Thank you, my Lord.”

“John,” he corrected lightly. “Please.”

“Then I’m Claire,” she echoed, “John.”

“Alright, Claire.”

They finally reached the stables, and Claire took the initiative to introduce him to all of the horses. Rabbie was in a stall with John’s horse, still brushing the beast down as he gnawed on his hay. John was absolutely tickled when Claire introduced Alastair as Brianna’s horse.

“Takes after her father, then?”

“Quite. She’d been begging me to ride since she could talk. I delayed it for years because of her condition.”

“Condition?” John’s brow furrowed, concerned.

“Oh, she’s perfectly healthy. Just...leftover complications from a difficult birth. If she fell it could kill her. I’m just...paranoid.”

“I see,” John said, though he still seemed concerned. “Does Jamie know?”

“Do I know what?” Jamie appeared in the doorway of the stables.

“Brianna’s condition,” Claire said, welcoming Jamie back into her arms.

“Oh, aye, I ken all about that,” Jamie said. “She’s a fighter, my daughter. Braw wee thing.”

“I can tell,” John said, smiling knowingly.

“Alright,” Jamie said, taking the place that John had just had, settling Claire’s arm in the crook of his elbow. “Ye’re acquainted wi’ the beasts, aye? Shall we move on to the rest of the land?”

Claire and John exchanged a fond look before both looking up at Jamie.

“We shall,” John said.

[introvertguide]

In Honor of Bogey

Born on Christmas Day at the turn of the century, the acting legend Humphrey Deforest Bogart is considered the greatest male acting icon of the Golden Age of Hollywood. He was an early Christmas gift to the 20th century and eventually was recognized by the AFI as the greatest male star of classic American cinema. This is quite a title to hold with all the great actors of the last one hundred years, so I wanted to take a little space in my analysis of the AFI top 100 to recognize this acting icon.

He was a kid with a lot of potential and intelligence, but his parents were not very affectionate (according to him) and he grew up with a chip on his shoulder. He went to some prestigious East Coast schools but was expelled or left on many occasions and ended up in the Navy. He joined up following the end of WWI and was part of the time of American Military glory. He loved it. He even tried to re-enlist when WW2 broke out, but he was too old and was instead registered as a volunteer reserve with the Coast Guard. He didn't get started in films until 1930, but started stage acting after his naval service in 1921. He might have gotten his trademark scar on his lip while in the Navy, but he got in a lot of scraps so it is not really certain where it came from.

Scars aside, Humphrey Bogart was a very good looking person that just exuded the ideal of manliness for the time. He started playing roles of young impetuous men and moved on to gangsters and villains. He did some work with James Cagney in a film called The Roaring Twenties. He met many woman with his star power and brutish manliness, marrying 4 times over his life before finally settling down with the fabulous Lauren Becall in 1945. He was part of the famous "Rat Pack" of the 50s. He was just so cool.

Since this is part of the AFI top 100 review, I want to cover the four movies on the list he was in as well as a couple other American classics:

High Sierra (1941) - Nominated for AFI Top 100 but not ranked

This was a big opportunity for Bogart because it was a leading gangster role written by his drinking buddy John Huston. The part had been turned down by some of the great actors of the time, including James Cagney. Bogart had been getting a lot of small roles and appeared in as many films as he could at the time (he is credited in 20 movies between 1937 and 1939), but this was a big break as a leading man. He worked alongside Ida Lupino, which caused jealousy issues with his wife at the time, Mayo Methot.

The Maltese Falcon (1941) - AFI #31

This was a career starter for Bogart as the no nonsense anti-hero with a chip on his shoulder and a heart of gold. This film was also turned down by other more established leading actors (George Raft) because it was a remake of the same story that was done in 1931. He played the part of Sam Spade (great name), a detective in search of a bejeweled object while getting in way over his head. Bogie had a great smoky voice and his film noir narratives set the standard for the genre. It was also the directorial debut of John Huston. Humphrey Bogart was known for downplaying his work (such a hipster), but this was a film for which he openly showed pride.

Casablanca (1942) - AFI #3

This was Bogart's first real romantic lead as an expatriate in Africa at the outbreak of WWI. As far as my generation is concerned, this is his most famous role and cemented the man as a Hollywood icon. This movie won Best Picture and got him nominated for Best Actor, vaulting Bogart past James Cagney as the highest paid actor in Hollywood at the time (half a million a year; that is nothing to sneeze at now much less right after the Great Depression).

The Big Sleep (1946) - Not on AFI Top 100

This was arguably the most well known of the four movies that Bogart starred in with Lauren Bacall. His wife at the time, Methot, was jealous and was afraid that Bogart was cheating on her. He was. He and Methot got a divorce and he almost immediately married Bacall. Bogart also got a little bit weird at the time because he tried to sign up for the Navy and then bought a yacht, allowed use of it by the Coast Guard, and then patrolled around the California coast with numerous weekends around Catalina. The film was actually scheduled to be released in 1945, but had a bunch of scenes of sexual innuendo added in to play up the real life relationship of Bogart and Bacall.

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1947) - AFI #38

This was a film that showed the genius of Huston's writing and Bogart's acting. It was a chance to for Bogart to show off his grittiness and willing to suffer for his art. He character was one of three greedy men with stake on a gold claim that was more than enough for all three, but constant fear of backstabbing (literally and figuratively) causes problems. The movie was filmed in the Sierras during the summer heat and Bogart looked pretty bad. The movie lacked a love interest and highlighted dissension amongst a group, so Huston and Bogart (an outspoken liberal democrat) were mentioned in the Un-American Activities trial that was looking for Communists. Bogart wrote an article entitled "I'm No Communist" and distanced himself from anyone accused, but still had a slight reputation for being outspoken about first amendment rights.

Key Largo (1948) - Not on AFI Top 100 but nominated for AFI Top 10 Gangster Films

The last film that featured the couple. In this movie, their characters were stuck in a Florida hotel during a hurricane. It was another John Huston directed film noir and featured Bogart's character boating around and taking out gangsters one by one. There is a somewhat racist subplot of hunting down some wanted Native Americans that a known gangster pins a murder on. That aspect of the movie always bothered me. A real standout that somewhat upstages Bogart (interestingly enough with his help) is actually the gangster's girlfriend who sings a song for the group to earn a drink. She plays a great part as a woman attracted by the villainous lifestyle and then becomes trapped in an abusive relationship. Actress Claire Trevor, who Bogart liked very much and encouraged throughout the film, won Best Supporting Actress for her part in the story.

The African Queen (1951) - AFI #65

Maybe the film with the most star power during the Old Hollywood Era, this film starts Katharine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart, perhaps the two biggest stars of American film. It was his first film in Technicolor and the role won him his one and only Oscar for Best Actor. The film was shot in the Belgian Congo and once again proved Bogart's toughness. This was again a John Huston directed film and it is interesting that both of the stars of the film had friends in very high places that kept them acting in great roles: Humphrey Bogart had John Huston and Katharine Hepburn had Howard Hughes. I want to note that, in my humble opinion, this was neither actors best work but they both were given a lot of credit for braving the elements and appearing on screen looking haggard.

The Cain Mutiny (1954) - Nominated for AFI Top 100 but not ranked

This was the last film that Bogart was relatively happy with, although he had to drop his salary to get the part and he was bitter about it. The part of a paranoid captain earned the actor his final Oscar nomination, but it did not really bring the same satisfaction as earlier roles. Huston wrote Bogey's characters as a loner and an antihero with an internal warmth and humor. This character did not have the charm that exuded from Bogart, the person.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Humphrey Bogart continued with high profile roles like starring with Aubrey Hepburn in Sabrina (1954) and Ava Gardner in The Barefoot Contessa (1954), but he was starting to get sick from a life of smoking and drinking. He was also in his mid 50s and couldn't play that charming young loner that he was so famous for. He had started to come across as old and didn't have his youthful charisma. He really hated working with Billy Wilder and didn't want to be the distinguished older gentleman in Sabrina. He didn't want to work with Ava Gardner because she had just broken up with his drinking buddy, Frank Sinatra. These films were successful and Bogart was a true professional, but I would not call it his best work by any means.

Humphrey Bogart was a great actor and a true Hollywood icon. Through research and watching interviews, I don't think that he would have been somebody that I liked personally because he drank and smoked heavily while enjoying arguments and confrontation. He came off as a bit of a contrarian in his later interviews and that is something that has bothered me. Don't meet your heroes. It does not lessen his accomplishments as an actor nor does it reduce the number of great films he has starred in. Just because he wouldn't be my best friend doesn't mean he wasn't a great man. I still believe that he deserves the AFI honor of being Hollywood's most famous actor. Check out some of his works and see what you think.

[fandomstuff67]

Destiel Valentines Day Wedding

I just had to write something for the Destiel Wedding today, so enjoy this. I’ve been dealing with a lot of homework recently, so it’s not my best but I hope it satisfies your destiel needs.

Dean paced the back room of the Roadhouse as he tried to calm himself down. He was getting married. It was really happening. 

“Dean!?” Charlie’s voice caused Dean to jump.

 “I-in here.” 

The door opened and Charlie shoved her way inside, dressed in her red bridesmaid dress. “What are you doing hanging around in storage rooms!? You’ll be late for your own wedding!” 

Dean wrung his hands together, the nerves building in his body. “What if-” 

“Oh shut up,” Charlie interrupted as she reached out to grab Dean’s arm in an iron grip. “Cas is head over heels for you, he won’t change his mind, he won’t leave you at the altar. You really are perfect for each other, both of you worrying the other will get cold feet.” 

“You’re sure-” 

“Oh my god, Dean,” she groaned as she pushed him through the back door. “Go get married!” 

“You ready, son?” Bobby asked as Dean stumbled up to him.

No. Was Dean’s immediate response, but he didn’t say it aloud, instead he nodded. 

“As I’ll ever be.” Bobby smiled at him and together they faced the aisle. “Thanks for agreeing to this.” 

Bobby rolled his eyes. “And why wouldn’t I?”  

Dean shrugged. “I dunno.” 

“Idjit,” Bobby muttered. 

The music started and Dean watched Charlie, Jo, and Claire start their walk down the aisle with Sam, Kevin, and Ash. Before Dean knew it, Jack was throwing flowers and then Bobby was clapping Dean on the shoulder. 

“Let’s go.” 

Mustering every ounce of courage he could find, Dean stepped up beside Bobby and together they headed down the aisle. 

Dean could see Cas standing in the distance, Sam beside him, and Jody waiting to officiate. He felt Cas’ gaze on him, piercing as ever yet calming. He glanced over at Bobby, who nodded back to him, Dean caught a flicker of pride in his eyes. 

Dean looked over everyone that was sitting in the chairs lining the aisle. There was Ellen, Rufus, Missouri, Andy, Donna, Jess, Eileen, Mick… everyone they’d lost was watching him. When Dean finally reached Cas, he felt every misgiving leave his body as Cas took his hand. 

Jody smiled at both of them and began the short ceremony. Vows were exchanged, words were finally spoken, and when Dean’s lips met Cas’, cheers erupted from their friends.

They turned down the aisle, hand in hand, and headed back into the Roadhouse, which was set up for the reception. 

“Alright, who wants some beer!?” Ash shouted as he burst in after them. 

There were whoops and cheers in response and Ash pulled beer after beer from behind the counter and handed them out. 

Someone smacked Dean hard on the back and he turned to see Sam. “Congratulations.” 

Dean smiled sheepishly. “Thanks.” 

“I won’t say it’s about time, but-” 

“Yeah, shut up,” Dean chuckled. “C’mere, bitch.” Sam went willingly into the hug and Dean felt happiness swelling in his chest. 

“I’m proud of you, jerk.” 

When they pulled apart and Sam moved to give Cas a hug, Missouri took Sam’s place. “It is good to finally see you happy.” 

“Thanks, Missouri.” 

“You know for a while there I thought you’d never open your heart to love.” 

“I just hadn’t met the right…” Dean glanced over at Cas and smiled, “angel, yet.” 

“Mm,” Missouri hummed in agreement. 

“Thanks for coming,” Dean said. 

“I wouldn’t miss this.” 

There was a moment of hesitation and then Dean let Missouri wrap him in a hug. After Missiouri moved away, Dean was surprised to see who was next. 

“Jess.” 

Jess smiled, eyes sparkling. “Congrats.” 

“Thanks.” 

“I know we hardly know each other, but you are Sam’s brother, and I’m really happy for you.” 

Dean blushed and ducked his head in a smile. “Thank you.” 

Jess moved in for a hug and Dean held her tightly. She smelled of roses and of a life that had never happened. 

“I’m going to go find Sam.” 

“Okay.” 

Jess was replaced with Donna, who was absolutely beaming. “Oh I knew there was something between you and that angel.” 

“Shut up,” Dean mumbled, embarrassment turning his cheeks crimson. 

“I’m real glad you two tied the knot.” 

“Me too.” 

Donna gave Dean a bone crushing hug and then he was facing Ellen. “Congratulations, Dean.” 

“Thanks, and thanks for hosting this.” 

“Oh don’t thank me, Ash did most of the planning.” 

“Still, thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, sweetie.” Dean couldn’t hold himself back from pulling Ellen into a hug, she laughed into it and patted him on the back. 

“It’s time for the first dance!” Ash announced. 

The floor cleared and then it was just Dean and Cas. The Night We Met started to play and Dean pulled Cas in close, swaying to the music and trying to get his brain to catch up with the fact that the angel in his arms was his husband. 

“I love you,” Dean murmured against Cas’ neck as he pressed a soft kiss there. 

“I love you too,” Cas replied. 

They lazily stepped together to the music, and even though Dean could feel everyone’s eyes on them, he didn’t feel the slightest bit embarrassed, because it was just him and Cas, and that was all that mattered in this moment. 

When the music changed, and everyone moved onto the dance floor, Claire dragged Cas away for a dance, and Charlie roped Dean into her arms. Dean danced with pretty much everyone, except Rufus, but finally he found himself back in Cas’ arms and they slipped away from the crowd to the very storage room Dean had been pacing in a few hours ago. 

People would wonder where they’d got to, but Dean didn’t care, all he wanted to do was kiss his husband and never stop.

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