#he looks more worried than tiredly depressed

[novacreati]

screenshot redraw thx to kami (@/kamiyouo on twt)

+ a second version of him with a scruff cuz silly :3

+ the slit in the eyebrow is thx to macaque,, back at their first fight together when macaca threatened to take his eye like swk did to him :D !!!!

[allieslittlewritings]

*not my gif <3

Care

Summary: Spencer takes care of his daughter when she's depressed and can't do it herself

Warnings: Depression, self-deprecation, bad writing, swearing, reader struggles to take care of herself

Word Count: ~ 1.4k

Spencer's apartment was dark when he entered.

Quiet, too.

He flicked a light on and looked around.

Not a single thing was different than when he'd left 3 days ago.

The book he left on the couch was in the exact same place, his mug still stood on the coffee table.

He called your name into the apartment, not getting an answer.

He quickly dropped his satchel by his coat stand and went to your room.

The door was open, your room was just as dark as the rest of the apartment.

He saw you lying in bed and whispered your name.

When you didn't answer he got even more worried.

He stepped into your room, only now noticing how messy it had seemingly gotten.

Sitting down on the edge of your bed he reached over to your nightstand and turned your lamp on.

Your eyes blinked open and struggled to not close again because of the light.

You looked up at your dad and tiredly blinked.

"Hi," He said.

He had that specific tone of voice he used when he was worried about you, you could tell.

"What are you doing home? You said you wouldn't be back until Sunday."

Spencer's worry increased at that, "It is Sunday, sweetheart."

Your eyes widened, "What? No, it can't be."

"How long have you been in bed?" He knew it was difficult for you to get out of bed sometimes, but your depression hadn't been this bad in a long time.

You looked around your room, your brain was slow and tired.

It couldn't be Sunday.

You had an essay and homework to finish how were you going to get everything done if it was Sunday night already?

Spencer noticed your breathing getting more erratic.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, it's okay. You're okay. What is it you need help with?"

Tears of exhaustion and overwhelm formed in your eyes.

"I don't need help, I just have to stop being so fucking lazy." Your words came out harshly.

"You are not lazy," Spencer said. "You have lower energy levels because you're depressed and you haven't eaten in the last few days, not because you don't want to spend your energy on things."

You looked around at your messy room.

"I'll help you clean your room," You dad said, seeing what you were looking at. "But let's focus on you first. Do you think you feel okay enough to take a shower?"

You took a second to think before shaking your head.

Spencer nodded in understanding.

"That's okay." He thought for a second before standing up, "I'll be right back, okay?"

He exited your room and a few tears escaped your eyes.

"He just got back from a long case, he doesn't want to take care of you like you're a helpless child."

"His job is difficult enough, he doesn't deserve to come home and have more shit to do."

Spencer came back into your room about 3 minutes later, a pack of wet wipes in one hand and a cup with your toothbrush in it in the other.

He sat back down on your bed and moved your hair so it wasn't in your face anymore.

Your hair was dirty.

Spencer knew pointing that out wouldn't be helpful right now, it's not like you weren't aware.

With your hair tucked behind your ears and out of your face, Spencer removed a wipe from the bag and carefully started cleaning your face.

The hand he held under your chin was cold.

But the gentle way he treated you felt warm and healing.

He threw the wipe away in your little dustbin and then put toothpaste on your toothbrush for you.

He handed it to you and waited for you to take it.

You slowly brushed your teeth, using the cup he brought to spit the toothpaste out.

"I'm sorry." You whispered when you were done and he took your toothbrush from you.

"For what, sweetheart?" He placed the cup on your bedstand and your toothbrush on top of it.

"You just got back, you must be tired and I'm making you take care of me because I'm too pathetic to do it myself."

Self-deprecation was common in depressed people, Spencer knew that.

But it never hurt less to hear you insult yourself, to be reminded that you didn't see yourself the way he saw you.

"I'm not tired." He assured you.

He wasn't lying. Seeing your child depressed and exhausted wakes you up more than any slap in the face or ice cold water ever could.

"It's not your fault you can't take good care of yourself right now. And you're not making me do anything. I want to take care of you. I'm your dad, that's what I'm here for." He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

"I'm gonna get you some clean clothes, okay?"

You nodded and just sat there as he walked to your closet.

A lot of your clothes were contributing to the mess on your floor but Spencer grabbed the most comfortable looking clothes he could find.

A hoodie and sweatpants and some fuzzy socks.

He also quickly snatched a hair tie from your desk.

Spencer placed the clothes on your bed in front of you. "Can you turn around for a second so I can tie your hair back, please?"

You did as he asked and he quickly tied your hair.

He ignored the urge to untangle your hair, you needed to eat first.

"I'm gonna go make you something to eat while you get dressed, you can take as much time as you need."

Your dad left your room, closing the door behind him.

Slowly and begrudgingly, you got up and managed to change into the clean clothes your dad picked out.

You took the cup from your bedstand and left your room, going to the bathroom to put your toothbrush back and use the toilet.

After finishing your things in the bathroom, you went to find your dad.

You found him in the kitchen, washing grapes.

"Okay, so I technically lied. I ordered pizza, I didn't make you something, I'm sorry."

Spencer felt bad when he realized he hadn't gone grocery shopping in a while.

But he figured there was also a higher likelihood that you'd actually want to eat pizza, rather than something he made.

"It's okay," You said quietly, moving to sit on the kitchen counter.

Spencer placed a bowl of grapes next to you and ate a few himself.

"Thank you," You said, picking up a grape and eating it.

Spencer smiled softly, happy to see you eat. "You're welcome, sweetheart."

The pizza got there shortly after.

You and Spencer sat on the couch and watchsd your favorite show, which Spencer put on.

You ate your pizza and watched your show, and drank a glass of water Spencer got you.

After you both finished eating, Spencer started helping you with your school things.

To your surprise, you actually got it done.

In retrospect it wasn't that much work, any bit of work sounded like a lot to you before.

Your eyes started to get droopy and it was getting late.

"You should get some rest, sweetheart."

You nodded in agreement.

"Do you want to sleep in my bed, just for tonight?"

He knew you probably hadn't gotten much actually restful sleep in the last few days.

And maybe it would be easier for you to sleep in a slightly different environment.

"Only if it won't bother you," You said, a sense of guilt washing over you.

"It won't." Spencer insisted gently.

"Okay."

Spencer went to put your plates in the kitchen and you went to his room.

You climbed into his bed and lay down.

You lay on the same side you always did when you were little and used to crawl into his bed when you had a nightmare, or just really missed him.

Spencer went to get ready for bed and then got into his bed next to you.

You were nearly asleep by then.

You moved closer to him and rested your hand and your head on his chest.

He protectively kept an arm around you as he read a few chapters of the latest book he was reading.

Your rhythmic and soft breathing let him know you were asleep and he quietly breathed a sigh of relief.

He eventually placed his book down and fell alseep, still keeping you close to him.

He would always keep you safe.

Not just from physical danger, from your depression and your thoughts, too.

fin. ♡

[kimetsu-chan]

hi, so it says that all requests are closed, and I’m assuming that means emergency requests too..? Because it’s ‘ALL’

But when they open could you write a Muichiro comfort fic for me…? So basically what’s happening is that I’ve been feeling extremely suicidal, and depressed. I came out as a therian to my mom, she’s been very unsupportive and called me mentally unstable and not developed, a Therian/otherkin is a person who identifies as a non-human animal on a psychological or spiritual level based on animilastic urges and/or behaviours…. And I’ve just been having really bad dreams and thinking a lot about my past how my father abused and almost killed my mom, got her into a coma, and I would think of running away and thought it was my fault. My father sexually harassed me. I have anxiety, think I’m annoying, hate myself stuff like that.

so why I’m in need of a Muichiro comfort fic is bc every night I draw marks on my wrist ok, and so every night I try cutting it, each night trying to go deeper or hold down the knife longer…

so that’s why maybe when requests open I was wondering if you could write one for me…

Thankyou for reading this all… have a nice day☺️ and feel free to ignore me I’m used to it! <3

~Not Tonight~

A/N: first of all, I am incredibly sorry for the miscommunication, emergency requests are open, I should’ve conveyed that better. Secondly, I am extremely saddened to hear of what has happened to you :( it’s not something you should deal with. I hope that this could be the comfort you need, and I apologize if it is not on par with what you require right now. Please take care of yourself <3

TWs ⚠️: sh will be heavily implied in this fic, along with thoughts of suicide being mildly implied, please do not read if such topics are uncomfortable or triggering.

This takes place after he regains his memories

It was extremely odd, the way you wore the longest sleeves even in the hottest weather, it perplexed Muichiro.

He didn’t understand why, but then again, he had trouble understanding the purpose of most things.

At first, he didn’t pay much mind to it, maybe it was a sense of comfort? But he saw the way you were always on the edge of passing out from the heat, and how… unsettlingly empty your eyes were.

He watched as you trained, standing idly in the shade. He had been taking a water break and decided to watch you tiredly swing your training sword.

His chest tightened painfully, and he looked down at it with confusion. He immediately associated the uncomfortable feeling with looking at you in your exhausted state. Was he concerned? Surely no, you were a subordinate. But you were his subordinate, and he used that to justify why he was worried.

Muichiro kept a steady eye on you for the next week or so, the borderline painful feeling of concern popping up at least twice a day.

You looked exceptionally worse today, more so than normal. You had collapsed due to your body not being able to withstand the unbearable heat any longer. Of course, in a fit of worry, he rushed to your side, quickly checking for a concussion or any other injuries.

The boy frowned down at you as he held your head up, and that was the most expressive you’d seen him in a while.

“[Name], I told you this would happen, you need to dress appropriately for training..!”

He reached to roll your skin-tight sleeves up but was halted by a sharp “no” from you.

Needless to say, he did not listen, proclaiming your safety was far more important, so of course he saw. He found out, and you were worried if he’d be disgusted with you.

But when he looked in your eyes once more, his gaze was devoid of disgust or disappointment. His eyes stared at you with worry and guilt and confusion.

You could see it in his eyes, the silent ask of “why” of why you felt the need to do such things to yourself.

Without thinking, you provided a short explanation, you told him when you did it, why you did it, and how bad the thoughts were getting.

It only aided in the shattering of his heart.

How could he have been so oblivious…? Could he have provided help if he had noticed sooner?

No, there was no use in beating himself up for what he didn’t do, he needed to make sure that you stopped. He vowed to you that day, that he’d pay better attention, stay with you when you needed it, help you whenever you relapsed, and anything more you could possibly need.

As he spoke, his eyes began to tear up against his will. He held you closer, trying to appear strong for you because you needed the comfort.

He didn’t want to lose you, especially not to yourself, he needed you…. So with a shaky voice, he uttered a few words as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Not-… not tonight, please…”

A/N: I urge and encourage you to seek advise and help from a therapist if you have the comfort and means to do so, once again, I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you. I sincerely hope this can bring you even the slightest sliver of comfort, and I hope you recover from any and all thoughts quickly :( <3

No taglist for this fic

[bemyawakening]

Heyy!! May I please request a platonic fic abt Simon (Ghost) with a younger sister reader basically FORCING him to watch movies with her when he gets off duty Imagine him watching movies like Mean Girls, twilight and disney movies. (I feel like he secretly loves mean girls...) Just Simon being a father figure to his teenage sister💔 Tysmmm!!

SIMON “GHOST” RILEY X YOUNGER SISTER!READER (platonic)

I absolutely love this request! I believe he would be so soft with his little sister and protective, given his past. Let’s be honest, he would try the hardest to be the father his sister needed but never had.

word count: 1145

warnings: mentions of abusive household and trauma, mentions about depression, curse words

            You knew your brother killed people. He carried a burden on his shoulders, wanting to provide for you since you were the only family he has left. He perfectly knew that he was supposed to be a good, caring brother and not exchange you for a battlefield, but you understood him. You never asked for him to change even if every night of yours was haunted by the image of him dying.

           You couldn’t have another funeral.

           No idea when he was supposed to return, you spent your days quietly. The university had you clustered with work enough and at the weekends you worked in a little local bakery. Yet you were an outcast, just like your brother is, but you got used to living in a routine. You didn’t need people to survive, you didn’t need to feel any more negativity in your life. You were just trying to survive the pain your father has placed on you.

           Haunted by nightmares, a few of your nights were doomed. The therapy was working, at least helping you to get on with your days, but some night horrors would appear over and over again. You tried to meditate or read a book, but you couldn’t do anything, but be wrapped in a blanket, staring through the window.

           A distant noise alerted you. Opening the drawer beside the bed, you took out a knife – it was an instruction from Simon. Pushing the blankets off yourself, you embraced yourself—it will be fine. It was nothing. Moving through the opened bedroom door, you found yourself looking at a huge shadow and the sudden light made you squint your eyes.

           Simon was home.

           “Jesus Christ, Si,” you mumbled, placing the knife on the window sill and running to your brother.

           Watching his tired, tall frame respond to your presence, he offered you a soft smile. He never stepped into this house with his mask on. He never stepped into this house with his military clothes and equipment. He tried to keep you as far away from it as he could.

           “Sorry for waking you up,” he tiredly mumbled as you quickly hugged him.

           Every hug you two shared had a moment of longing. He could feel the fear in your arms as you would always squeeze him so tight, afraid to let go. He knew that you were afraid to lose him, but he indulged himself in a circle of violence from which wasn’t easy to get out. But you didn’t complain once, yet he understood everything.

           “Did you get hurt?” The tone in your voice told him that you haven’t slept yet.

           “Am fine,” he admitted, even if he did scrape his shoulder pretty badly, but he didn’t want you to worry. “Get back to bed, yeah?”

           “Get away from me with your orders,” you said, pulling away from him, giving him the look. “No Lieutenant shit in this house.”

           “Still older than you.”

           “Let’s just say you’re old overall,” you shrugged.

           Simon raised his eyebrows, oddly missing when you gave him that kind of attitude. Especially, since it reminded him that he could be Simon Riley here and not Lieutenant Ghost.

           Sharing a moment of silence, you cleared your throat: “You know what we have to do now.”

           Simon thought the battlefield was the worst that he has experienced. It was until he and you made a pact, that each time he will come back late at night, you two will watch a movie of your choice.

           “Please no—“

           “I’ll make tea and get snacks. There’s no going back now,” you instructed.  

           He always felt weird when you were so bossy, he was so used to giving instructions, that you giving him the exact same treatment showed him how similar you two were. “Alright, Lieutenant Black.”

           Your mouth dropped in pure surprise and anger: “Simon! It’s team Edward—we talked about this four-hundred times how can you even say tha—“

           “Yeah, yeah…” He shut his fingers in front of your mouth. “The man who sparkles like a fuckin’ disco ball.”

           “Because of this—we will watch Twilight,” you crossed your arms and saw the horror flash in his eyes.

           “No—“

           “Your own fault.” With these words, you gave him the look which meant your victory and you made your way to the kitchen.

           It was nice to have him back home. This house immediately didn’t feel so empty and every single sound didn’t scare you as much. It felt good taking out two mugs – his favourite, with a little cat drawn on it which you have gifted him for Christmas a few years ago.

           You quickly made two Earl Grey teas and put a splash of milk in his, knowing exactly the way he liked it. You grabbed a bag of chips and put them between your arm and your ribs as you grabbed the mugs and walked into the living room.

           Simon was already there, Netflix flashing on the screen as he was moving down through choices: “How about the Office?”

    ��      “No.”

           The man sighed. It was harder to reason with you than with fucking soldiers. Grumbling, he typed Twilight into the search bar and pressed play. You placed the mug in front of him and you made your way to the couch beside him, placing the bag of chips between you two.

           As the movie started, you opened your mouth to begin Bella’s monologue that you knew by heart and he whined before you could say something: “I’ll scream if you’ll say it again.”

           “You’re a pain in the ass, can’t let me enjoy shit.”

           “Language, young lady.”

           “Eat ass.”

           “I raised you better,” he squinted his eyes.

           “As if you don’t curse. You called Edward, and I quote, ‘The man who sparkles like a fuckin’ disco ball’.”

           You got him there. When did you get so smart? He remembers when he was helping you with math homework and now you were already in a university, starting your life already. “You know, I’ll try to be home more often.”

           Averting your attention from the screen, you caught his eyes looking at you and you knew he was trying his best. You won’t ask him for more. “It’s alright,” you shook your head. “I just want you to come back home. That’s all.”

           “You know I will.”

           You nodded, knowing that your brother was a man of his word. He has never left you alone even if he could’ve left you alone. His love was unconditional and you have never doubted it. Both of you weren’t people of big, emotional words and this small reassurance was all you two needed.

           Simon was home. And on the same night, well, almost in the morning, you caught him reciting Edward’s speech at the wedding. Yeah, he hated this movie so much.

[bell4lan]

Fears

Genre: Fluffy Angst...?

DNI: NON-MLM/NBLM, fujoshis, mlm/nblm fetishizers

CW: Hints at suicide but it's never explicitly stated, mentions of depression, mentions of Oda :,(

Character(s)/Reader: Dazai Osamu x Male Reader

Today was, to put it simply, terrible for Dazai. Dazai has always suffered from depression, but today was one of those days where it hit hard. He was still his usual eccentric self, though everyone could tell something was off. They couldn't point out exactly what was off, they just knew, you included.

You had gotten worried once you noticed Dazai's behavior. He had a harder time getting up that morning, and seemed more tired than he usually is. You knew what Dazai suffered from, so you checked up on him, but he just brushed it off and got ready for work. All you could do was hope that it got better through out the day, even though you knew that wasn't likely.

Dazai was currently laying on the couch listening to music as usual, but no one really bothered to kick him back into working mode. Kunikida considered just letting him relax, but he's Kunikida, so he's going to make Dazai work anyway. Not that he cared more about work than Dazai's mental health, he just knew that working sometimes helped Dazai get out of his head a bit. That didn't seem to be the case for today.

The day eventually ended, you and Dazai waved bye to Kunikida and Yosano as they stayed behind to work. As you both walked home, you grabbed his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. He did it back, making your heart flutter.

"Dazai." You said quietly as you reached the apartment you two lived in.

"Yes dear?" He whispered tiredly as you opened the door, a creak coming from the hinges. You both went inside and set down your thing and slid off your coats, hanging them up on the rack. Dazai immediately went for the bedroom and flopped onto the bed, forgetting that you wanted to speak to him. You came in shortly after he did and sat on the bed by him.

"Dazai." You repeated, still in that same quiet voice. All you got was a hum, but that was okay. You brushed some hair out of his face as you looked at his drowsy and sad looking eyes.

"Are you okay darling? You know you can be honest with me." You whispered comfortingly. He looked up at you and grabbed your hand, holding it in his. There was a long pause before he broke the silence.

"Just not feeling well today, (Name)." He whispered, his gloomy mood finally present in his actions and tone.

"Did something happen? Or is it just one of those days?" You asked as you unbuttoned his vest and loosened his bolo tie.

"Just one of those days i'm afraid." He responded, zero emotion came from his voice as he watched you undress him. He didn't show it, but your kind gesture meant the world to him right now. You helping him undress because you knew he was too exhausted to even care made him feel a little better.

"You won't do anything, will you?" You asked, voice shaking slightly. You were scared, scared that he would attempt again. He hasn't since you guys had gotten together since he didn't want to cause any emotional stress, but that didn't stop you from getting scared. You had witnessed his attempts alongside your coworkers, so the possibility of him doing it whenever he got bad always crossed your mind.

He stopped your hands from going any further, bringing your attention to his face. He could see the sad and scared look in your eyes, it made him feel even worse knowing that you were scared of what he'd do.

"No...I won't darling. I wouldn't do that to you, not to the man I live for." He whispered, voice so sincere it made you want to cry. He held your hand in a tight, yet comfortable grip. All you did was nod and kiss his forehead.

"Would you like to take a bath together?" You asked as you undid his pants and shirt. If Dazai was in a better mood, he definitely would have made some dirty joke, but right now all he did was nod. You went to go get the water running as Dazai got up to get fully undressed.

The bath was ready, you and Dazai sat at opposite ends of the tub, still close together since it wasn't that big. You poured some water on Dazai's head so you could get his full body ready for cleaning. You slicked back the hair that covered his face and smiled softly.

"You're so handsome..." You mumbled. It was more of a comment to yourself rather than a direct compliment. However, Dazai heard it. A small smile formed on his face from your soft and sincere words.

"(Name)." He said, scooting a bit closer to you and grabbing your arms to hold your hands.

"Yes Dazai?" You asked, rubbing your thumbs on the backs of his hands. He took a deep breath and looked into your eyes.

"I'm....scared." He whispered, the second word softer than the first. His words shocked you. Dazai was never one to express his fears, honestly you didn't think he had any until right now.

"What are you afraid of?" You asked, you couldn't do anything but ask. What could possibly scare a man who was in the mafia, a man who has almost died countless times?

"I'm scared of losing you." He admits, his breath quickening from his vulnerability.

"My love, you won't lose me. Not anytime soon." You whispered as you cupped his face.

"That isn't in our control. You could die at any moment in the missions we do. I know you're more than capable than accomplishing them without a scratch, but I still get scared. I get scared of you dying and me not being there in time-"

"Dazai, not everything will end that way. I know you're still suffering from not being able to save your friend, but that isn't the way things end for everyone. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but I promise you, i'll be alright."

"You can't promise that."

"Maybe I can't, but I will anyway, and I'll try my best to keep that promise. No matter what." You said sternly. You pulled him into a hug and felt him rest his cheek on your shoulder.

"I love you, (Name)." His voice was muffled, but you understood.

"I love you too Osamu." You said as you kept him close, rubbing his back comfortingly. He lifted his head up and gave you a soft kiss on the lips, pouring all the love he could into it. He pulled away and started planting kisses on your face and shoulders. It was his way of showing how much he appreciates your help and you being there for him. You knew him being vulnerable was hard, so you didn't mind him expressing his gratitude through physical affection instead of words.

You both finished up and dried each other off. Dazai wouldn't stop stealing kisses whenever the towel was out of his face when you dried his hair, making you laugh softly.

When you both got to bed, he immediately started clinging onto you. His legs were intertwined with yours as he pressed his body against yours.

"You seem to be feeling better." You laughed out as he refused to let go of you.

"Of course I feel better, I'm with you." He says with a smile before kissing you passionately. Dazai felt like the luckiest man alive to have a boyfriend like you, a boyfriend who cares so deeply about him. A boyfriend he feels completely safe with, even when he's vulnerable. A boyfriend who makes his worries melt away with a simple, yet heartfelt, gesture. He's going to make sure he never loses you to the same evil that took away Oda, no matter what.

---------------------------------------------------

I don't care if he's ooc I needed to write something about him I love him. First bungou stray dogs post wooo! ^^

I promise i'm still working on my genshin stories!! I've just been lacking motivation for them recently, sorry :(

[faetaiity]

Bad day cuddles (Turtle brothers x Reader)

Yeah, I’m having a shit day, so I decided to make this CW: This talks about intrusive thoughts, depression, antidepressant withdrawals (YEAH THOSE HAPPEN, AND THEY FUCKING SUCK) and chewing/picking on your skin (something I do a lot.)

You laid in your bed, you’ve been awake for a couple hours now, but simply feel like you don’t have the energy to do more than twist and turn in your bed

this was normal, though, you had bad days where you didn’t have the willpower to hype yourself up to make it through the day, of course, you COULD blame it on not having your antidepressants, it’s been a week now since you last had taken a pill

but you knew the real problem to blame was yourself, you’ve been hanging out with your friends so much that you just... forget...

you stared up at the ceiling for another... ten minutes? you have a horrible sense of time during these episodes, but luckily after that time has passed, you finally managed to get enough energy to look at your phone

1:23 PM

‘awh fuck’ you thought, seeing well over 40 messages on your lock screen, 35 of them are from the group chat you have with the brothers, but this part of the conversation startled you

Neon Leon: Hey! we still up for pizza night at [Y/N]'s place?

BootyShaker9000: Think so, ask [Y/N] though, we might need to reschedule or move the location to the lair.

Neon Leon: @[Y/N] @[Y/N] @[Y/N]

BootyShaker9000: Oh, my fucking god, STOP, they're probably busy

~~30 minutes later~~

Raph-A-Doodle-Do: You think they're okay? They never take this long to respond, even in School.

Magic Michael: Hope so! What if they're sick?!

a few minutes after Mikey sent that message, you got a DM from Raph

Raph-A-Doodle-Do: Hey honey, you okay? Mikey's throwing a little panic episode right now, please respond when you see this, love you.

you sighed, knowing damn well that they know you read this now, due to the 'Read at 1:30PM' snitch marker, you decided to message the groupchat instead of just Raph

[Y/N]: Hey guys, I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, I'm just.... not feeling the greatest right now.

Magic Michael: Oh, No! Are you sick?!

[Y/N]: No, just down with a bad mood, don't worry, can we reschedule for next week?

you got no reply, but you knew they read it

15 minutes later, you got a knock on the window, you groaned, you knew who it was, but you just... can't get out of bed, you feel like if you do, you'll just die of exhaustion.

The knocking became more desperate before stopping for a moment, you sighed in relief, hoping they just went away

that thought was too hopeful, though, because a minute or two later, you heard your window break making you anxious and started biting the inner part of your cheek plus picking at various scabs on your body, before you also heard hurried footsteps come near your bedroom

They stopped right in front of your door, knocked softly for a few seconds, waited, then opened

You saw the four brothers; they all had worried looks, you relaxed before tiredly waving at them

Mikey instantly bounded towards you, hopping on the bed, hugging and peppering you with small forehead and cheek kisses

"Honey!!!! What's wrong?!" bless Mikey's heart, he was always the sweetest, hell, he even somehow melted Draxum's ice cold heart

Leo followed next, going to the opposite side of your bed and sat next to you, Leo wasn't nearly as concerned but he asked you in a soft tone "Did something happen?"

Raph and Donnie approached at the same time, sitting at the foot of your bed "Darling, you wanna talk about it?" Donnie nodded in agreement

You shook your head "Not now..." you mumbled, continuing to pick at the scabs on your arms, Leo gasped softly, he grabbed your hands and gently pulled them away

"Hey,,, Don't do that, love, please talk with us, we don't wanna see you like this" he mumbled, kissing your arms where you were picking softly

You started tearing up, venting about everything that's happened recently, and how you bottled it up until you just couldn't do anything anymore

They listened, nodding softly, letting you finish before you felt Leo and Mikey hug you, Donnie and Raph moved up and joined the three of you

you stayed like this for a while, basking in the touch of your lovers, Donnie got up, took your phone and started ordering pizza for the five of you, once he was done, he looked over towards you

"You wanna take a self-care day and watch your favorite movies?" he asked gently, you nodded softly, tears still pricking your eyes

He let out a ghost of a smile and picked you up, bringing you into the living room, he stopped at the couch and set you down softly, the others followed, each of them setting beside you

"Whatcha wanna watch?" Raph asked

"Can we watch [F/M]?"

"Of course" Leo purred, cuddling you and getting comfortable

The rest joined in

"I love you guys" you yawned out

"we love you too" they said in unison, softly nuzzling into you from four different angles

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Augh, I needed something that would be self indulgent and somewhat of a comfort post.

[literary-motif]

The Morning Light

Andrew Marston x Reader

Andrew struggles with mental health. You are there for him.

Warnings: references to burnout and depression

You stirred in bed, limbs still heavy from sleep as you reached out towards Andrew. The side of the bed next to you was empty and you grunted in displeasure, listening half-deliriously for any sound coming from the small apartment that would indicate he was on his way back to you. It was eerily silent. Blinking yourself awake properly, you turned to look at the clock on your bedside table. It was 4.48 AM. 

“Andrew?” you called out into the early morning. There was no reply, so you set up and squinted through the darkness, slowly making your way through the apartment. “Dear?” you called again, receiving no answer.

It was beginning to worry you, but as you were about to turn on the light and look for any notes he might have left explaining where he had gone, you spotted him on the small balcony.

He was leaning against the top rail, looking out across the city. The sun had not yet fully risen, and you could barely make out his solemn expression as his eyes roamed tiredly over the scenery.

The opening of the balcony door startled Andrew out of his thoughts, making him jump. Upon realizing it was you, he gave you a small smile and settled back against the rail, sighing deeply as the soft morning breeze ruffled through his hair. 

“You’re beautiful in the morning light,” you said quietly as you joined him, making Andrew chuckle fondly. You reach out to take his hand in yours and squeeze it reassuringly. “Are you alright?” 

The simple question made him squeeze his eyes shut and bite his lip to keep from breaking down in tears. 

In truth, he hadn’t been doing so well lately. 

He wasn’t even sure what brought about this new wave of feeling utterly wretched. It just happened sometimes. He would wake up one day and the world would be slightly off. There would be a gaping hole in his chest, draining him of all his energy and motivation until there was nothing left to do but go through the motions of the responsibilities he had to meet that day, week, month — because he would rather die than be a disappointment — even though the exhaustion weighing him down made him want to curl into a ball and sob his heart out. 

The heaviness clinging to him made it hard to concentrate sometimes, which was especially fatal in academia. How was he supposed to teach a class when he couldn’t think clearly, his perception muddied by the fog hiding his thoughts from him? How could he be expected to sit at his desk for hours and grade papers, prepare his lessons, and do the necessary research when the sight of his desk alone made him sick to his stomach?

It was a curse. He couldn’t even break up the workload into fragments because his perfectionism would not let him rest until all of it was done and perfect to some inhuman standard he could not help but set for himself. It hurt all the more when he failed his expectations, his precarious state of mind slipping further until there was nothing but utter disgust for himself and his shortcomings.

“I get by,” he answered hoarsely, swallowing the lump in his throat. He did not dare turn towards you, fearing that the concerned look in your eyes would be the last straw to make him break down in tears.

You squeezed his hand again, moving your thumb over his knuckles, and Andrew choked, thinking bitterly he would come undone in a moment if you were to hug him now. He would break down sobbing in your arms because the suffocating feeling in his chest was drowning him, stealing all the beauty from the morning light illuminating the city beneath him and turning it into nothing but a hollow gray scenery of despair, turning him into an apathetic shell who would stare out the window for hours and wonder if he’s even real anymore.

“I love sunrises, you know,” you said, trying to sound light even though you could feel Andrew shaking beside you. “And I love them even more when I can watch them with you. I adore you” — you raised your entwined hands to your lips — “and you mean the world to me, Andrew.”

The gentle brush of your lips made the first tear roll down his cheek, finally breaking the damn that hid his sorrows. Andrew buried his face in his hands, shying away from your touch. “Oh God,” he gasped, his shoulders shaking from the force of his sobs, “I’m pathetic. I shouldn’t—”

“Hey,” you said, slowly turning him to face you and wrapping your arms around him. It made Andrew cry harder, but he melted into your embrace regardless. You began running your fingers through his hair soothingly, guiding his head to rest against your shoulder. “Don’t say that about yourself. You’re brilliant. You're kind, caring, helpful, loving— I could go on all day.”

“I can’t— I can’t stay well. I was doing alright, but— but it always comes back, I can’t escape it! I—” he cried, feeling a part of himself break at the admission of his struggles. “I’m stuck in this endless cycle where no matter what I do it— it’s just never enough!”

He had never been candid with anyone, and he was hesitant to open up to you, lest you see too much broken behind the composed facade he liked to put up and decide he was too much work — too hard to love amidst his highs and lows. 

When he woke up this morning at an ungodly hour and was too restless to fall back asleep despite his suffocating exhaustion, he had decided to get up and watch the sunrise. He had hoped the colors spreading out across the sky as the city began stirring in front of him would be enough to make him feel something again, break him out of the numb stupor enveloping him when you were not around to distract him from the inky blackness creeping back into his life. ‘Morning light can make the most vulgar things tolerable,’ he reasoned, but the feeling of heaviness and hollowness and hopelessness did not lessen as the sun slowly began to rise. 

“I’m so sorry,” he choked, raising his head and wiping at his eyes harshly, “You shouldn’t have to deal with this. It’s my problem. I— I apologize. It won’t—”

“Don’t push me away. I understand this,” you said, cupping his cheeks and brushing the tears away gently, “And don’t ever apologize for it. This is not your fault, and I’ll be right here for as long as you’ll let me, to support you through every day, no matter what. Unconditionally.”

Andrew smiled despite the sorrows still clinging to him, feeling warmth spread out across his chest at your words. “I love you, darling” he whispered, moving his head to place tender kisses against your palms. 

His struggles were not over, but he knew he was not alone in fighting them. 

[notsofunsenpai]

Tw: Overdose mentioned,unconscious/unresponsive reader mentioned.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Kenji curses to himself,pacing back and forth while running his black painted fingernails that you painted for him through his hair,"Why?" His voice breaks,trying not to cry as he's outside your hospital room.  He was left in the dark,no clue what was going on the only thing he knew was you guys were smoking and ran out of snacks and he went to go get some,when he arrived you were unresponsive and here he was right now,worried sick. That was all he knew,it's been more than an hour,maybe an hour thirty, but the doctor's hadn't given him permission to come in yet. His mind begins to wonder,what if you dont make it or what if you're in a coma or braindead? "Stop it, Kenji.." he mutters to himself,thinking like this isn't gonna ease his mind. Maybe he should get a drink or something,he didnt always pray, but he could pray for you since the hospital has a chapel build inside. He didn't know what he wanted to do,his mind was not thinking,he wasn't thinking.  All he could think about was you. After all that thinking, he just decided to get some overpriced water from the vending machine and some chzpuffs, then stay in the waiting room,they has his number, and he hasn't eaten anything since earlier and the cafeteria was closed. He watches the tv that was showing some dumb sitcom that wasn't even funny,something about science he wasnt sure,he was kinda dozing off. Then his phone went off,he practically jumped out of his seat,he answered it and told him he could see you. He says, "Okay," hanging up immediately,going straight to your room,leaving his chips and water behind.

He arrived in your room in a flash. The doctor gave him a quick run down of what happened, but all he heard was that you tried to overdose because depression. He was really trying  to listen, but it was too much to swallow down. He wanted to tell the doctor to hurry up and let him see you. When the doctor finally stepped to the side for him to go in,Kenji booked it inside as the doctor left the two of you to talk if you were up to it. He was right near your side,your hand in his while his thumb gently carsses your hand,"What happened?" He knew what happened, but he wanted to hear it from you. You were pale,some sweat dripping down your face as you look like you might puke some more. There was a moment of silence,Kenji kissed your hand sweetly,"Baby,i.. I dont even know where to begin. My mind is everywhere. im scared if i say the wrong thing.."he holds your hand tighter,"There's different ways to deal with your depression,I'd fucking missed you if you left me like this! Don't you understand how much it'll hurt me to see you go like this?",tears fall down his face,he hated seeing you like this it aches his heart. He sniffs some so you won't see the snot running down his nose,"There's other ways i promise..dont ever do that or this again!"he cries out.

You smiled tiredly yet softly at him,"Sorry.." you managed to get out.

"Don't apologize,don't ever apologize to me. It's fine. You didn't do anything wrong. I should be apologizing. I shouldn't have left you alone. Then none of this would of happened,im sorry."

You tried to listen him but you were going in and out of your sleep,his voice would sometimes fade off or you would catch the end of his sentence but you kinda ended up falling asleep with his hand in yours.

"We'll talk more about this when you're fully awake. I love you so much." Kenji said, finally noticing that you were trying to rest. He pulls a chair next to you,holding your hand as he sits down next to you,"I'll be right here,I'm not gonna leave you. I'm here for you forever,I'll always be here for you."

[lilith-little-world]

When I was younger, I had a thing for that trope. Maybe it was due to having something very similar happened to me. Dreams are weird things, so I never questioned it until 6 (?) dreams later he kept invading my dreams. I always wanted to write them down and make a story about them but eh, I never got to it.

Anyways I got fanfics to write. Better to write those than that whole mess.

This one is a short one, but I'm planning to add parts to it. Just so I got something to do when I can't come up with the concept oneshots. Also bad grammar and sentence structure, I was like half asleep when I wrote this.

I Saw You Once In A Dream, Maybe|| Oneshot Pt. 1

It was the new year and you were spending time with your family. Last night was spent with a small feast and fireworks but now here you were washing the plates and pans. It was the least you can do since your parents made the feast for yesterday. Doesn't hurt to help clean up a bit.

“Sweetheart, tell me, are you seeing anybody?” Your mother asks while putting away the dishes.

“Sadly and fortunately, nope. Taking a break from all that.”

“I told you that person was no good for you, but you didn't want to listen to your mother.”

“You made it sound like we had ended things terribly, in reality, I just didn't have feelings for them.”

“It's always the same thing. I know, you didn't have any feelings but why did you give them a chance?”

You hand your mother the last plate, shrugging. Honestly, you didn't know why. Maybe the personality or looks that reminded you of someone? Possibly.

“Maybe, I was meant to be single forever.”

“Don’t say things like that, there's always a person for someone. Romantically or platonically. It just takes a while, that's all.”

“Then that person sure is taking their sweet time.”

You sigh tiredly, this wasn't your first time having this conversation with her. Even though her intentions were in a good place, after the first 10, it becomes tiring.

“Here, let me give you some leftovers to take home.”

There she went to get a big tupperware and fill it to the brim with food.

‘At least she tries.’

You smile and help your mother. It wasn't long until you left. Saying your goodbyes to your parents. Driving around the city, filled with life. Many people start off the new year with an exciting day. Going out, shopping, eating at a restaurant, spending it with family or friends, a significant other…

Okay, maybe your mother’s worries were definitely in a good and reasonable place to worry. You try to appear that you're doing fine, but in truth, you were lonely and craving for someone.

‘That's enough, thinking for one day. Time to turn off my mind.’

You get out of your car and walk around the busy streets. A crowd doing the same thing as you. Looking at the shops and cafe, wondering where to go next.

‘Remember kids, if you're feeling depressed or lonely buy some clothes and make-up and hope it fills the void.’

You notice a shop’s window, looking at the merchandise. It was all Monkey King theme. Journals, pens, keychains, stuffed toys, and so on.

“Or buy some merch…” You told yourself softly, lost in thought. It was a small stuffed toy of the famous monkey. Something in you demanded the toy. You obeyed and bought it, feeling a lot happier. It was a cute toy to own and is no bigger than your hands, it won't take much space. You bought a few more things, a few fine-tip pens and a journal. In other words, the day wasn't so bad.

The sun had set and you finally got home, exhausted. The house was empty and dark, with nothing but silence. A sigh escapes from your lips. The loneliness slowly swallows you up. Head to your room, not even trying to turn on the lights. You throw the bag at some random corner and collapse onto your bed. Just wanting the night to end.

You didn't know when you fell asleep, but your buzzing mind went silent. Like the room, you are sleeping in. Maybe your lonely mind was getting tired of your sulking and gave you a strange dream. I mean, what else can you it

It was bright, too bright. Things were fuzzy as your mind blocked out the voices talking to you. However, what you noticed was that you were looking in a mirror. You couldn't get a good look from being fuzzy so looking down, you noticed a red dress. There was golden embroidery of… Well, you couldn't make out what it was. It was blurry.

“Today is the big day! Are you excited?”

Turning to face the young woman with a blurry face. You couldn't help but look at her confused.

‘Excited for what?’, you wanted to say, but your mouth couldn't move.

Next thing you knew, the scenery changed and you were outside. The scene reminds you of a wedding.

Wait-

‘Is this my wedding?!’

You wanted to look around and see if anything cleared up, but it was still fuzzy and blurry as you walked down the aisle. The Wedding March, clearly playing as you came closer to the groom. Who was oddly more blurred than the others?

Okay, now that was rude. As much as this dream was crazy, your mind could have at least come up with a groom and then given you a blurry mess. You never had a greater urge to wake up than right at this moment.

You let the dream play out, as the ceremony went on. The groom held your hand, his hands were rough yet soft. Holding yours gently as if afraid to hurt you. His eyes were on you and a warm feeling filled your chest. You couldn't help but stare at him, trying to get a good look at his face. Slowly it unblurred as you saw a strange mark on his face and the unusual golden glow of his eyes.

“I promise nothing will tear us apart. I will fight the whole celestial army again if it means I can stay by your side.” He said, grinning at you.

“You're going to jinx yourself and when I'm around I'll keep you out of trouble so you won't have to fight the celestial army again.”

The words left your mouth. As much as you were confused, you found this cute. So you stopped questioning this dream and enjoyed this moment.

He leans into you, just inches away from your lips.

Beep, beep, beep, beep-

You grab your phone that was still in your pocket. Turning off the alarm, groaning.

“When the dream was starting to get good.”

You smothered your face into your pillow and let out a small scream.

“Why do I have to wake up?”

Begrudgingly, you got out of bed. The sunlight peeking through your curtains showers the room with light.

‘Right, I got work to do. That dream was nice while it lasted.’

Better to move on when the harsh reality demands more attention. Anyways it was just a simple dream that your lonely mind came up with.

Right?

_______________________________

Remember you can always request and ask questions!

[vsyrworld]

carlos thought after charles dsq in cota? but make it unintentionally funny like how charles coping

ehe this is gonna be a quick one

"it is so close to podium. argh" rupert knock at the debrief table. "if it wasnt because of your tyre" guzman added, "you could have been in P3"

"I know" is he? well he isn't actually even with good pitstop, mclaren still too fast. ofcourse he is hoping podium he was so sure. until he wasn't sure about their result when he see the next garage seems moving in rush. so chaotic until charles left his phone on the garage chair. Ricky entered the room with Charles' phone while keeping eye glued into the garage curiously, "well i think the debrief is post poned"

"oh? what happen?" carlos had no idea. seriously no idea. is it... "Charles?" he took charles phone from his strategist

"apparantely..." guzman sighed tiredly. thinking what media content he should post to fix this upcoming damage.

carlos sighed too. playing with charles phone for a bit before realizing his lockscreen is more blant and minimalistic than he used before, than he used with only carlos. the spaniard grins as he holding the screen pretty long so he could edit his lockscreen, swipe left until find the saved theme lockscreen he is searching for.

minutes comes into hours and carlos yawned. there is nothing more particular intersting in charles phone.

one by one member of red comes to debrief room, chitchatting in anxiety, mumbling "disqualification", fear and sweaty forehead displaying enough clearly to see something is wrong about charles.

the room is so hot suddenly, he couldnt breath at all. its like somebody put something on the flame. carlos inhale only found a hot breathy air that exhaled from the member. humid-sticky, suffocating, just like inside cockpit in singapore, or qatar. how so it's fucking hot inside an AC room especially the sun already came?

he stands up aburptly making guzman and rickt startled beside him, "gonna go get fresh air first. its so hot suddenly"

rupert giving him an eyebrow. he just-- look its so hot here okay? carlos just give him a high five on the air.

he get out only to bumping with Charles. Red face, flushed by tears? oh is it sweat?

"Charles...? I head you dis--" his finger itch to crawl Charles to his arms but his teammate only grin

"Carlos! you had no idea what i bought you" charles put his arms behind his back so carlos couldnt see it

Carlos frowns, Charles giggled.

"Tara!" Charles shows both of his hands wrapped around...

a trophy, P3 tropy?!

"What the fuck?" Indeed Carlos, what would Charles present him the thropy just after he got back from steward room

"What?" his teammate slightly annoyed, "You in podium mate! Here" Charles shoved the trophy to Carlos before passing by him

Carlos shook his head and hold his teammate arms "Wait, Charles. I... Are you okay?"

Charles chukled as he turns around to face him, "Oh don't pity me Carlos" his voice free from malicious tone. he meet with dimples and smile,

"dont worry, i'm not angry or jealous to you" his teammate step closer, enough to brushing their nose together quickly before retreating himself back

carlos eyeing him in doubt," Charles Marc Herve..." he had a habit to call his teammate with his fullname if Charles start joking about his mental health or trying shove away his depression.

"Whaat? It true!" Charles tilt his neck to left and carlos automaticaly brought his palm to massage the sore spot Charles showing.

He hummed as Carlos reach the perfect spot, "Besides..." charles slowly open his closed in content eyes. green. beautiful, full of poison, toxic, death.

oh. carlos hands movement stops at the moment. Charles rolled his shoulder back and cracked his neck.

"I need to give some of a lesson" His teammate smile at him, no not smiling. its..

he is turning into sly fox. his dimples out, but tounge sharp as knife.

"I'm gonna make the debrief is long ass exciting, don't wait for me. you can go celebrate your podium!" He winked then goes inside the debrief room

carlos could hear ,"ciaoo guyys. where do we fucking need to start, hm?" before the door closed and he whinced his eyes painfuly

there only reason why the room grows hot.

yeah of course, carlos took his phone and called lando, "im joining the party. wait me"

he doesn't need to watch charles do another genocide inside the room.

later that night in club, his phone blink from notification. it's charles--

"enjoying your podium? say thanks to me by give me head massage will you? i think i accidently damage several parts of it"

and rather drunk in countryside club, carlos prefer here. staying contently with chill temperature, not too hot or cold, charles head resting on his lap, his finger gently massage the soft browns lock, scents of lavender oil slick across charles forehead.

in the room, charles always bring his plus one company. some race he bring anger and it banged into the fourwall, made a mess before his energy deplated and flop down into carlos soft chest.

some race, charles bring melancholy, staying quite for long time, only feeling warm cuddles and burying himself further into carlos neck.

on gloomy day at suzuka, charles bring cloud and rain. it took several forehead and long deep kisses from Carlos to make it stop pouring.

this time at cota, carlos confused as charles bring out a sun. lounging on his lap, streching like a cat while enjoying carlos massage

"you making me worry. are you sure you are okay?" carlos smoothering down his forehead

"im more worried about lewis though"

which making carlos frowns, "carino. what hell?"

"no but look." charles sits up and rest his back against carlos chest. carlos brough his arm to support charles waist, letting his teammate to fully rest on his body, he facing him side by side, "He is not used to get this feeling"

again, a frown.

"i mean" charles snuggles closer, "Lewis never used to his team, letting him down. like this"

carlos hummed, how ironic he just agreeing at that statement. "but that doesn't mean you should normalized this week no? especially, you..." its your birthday week . carlos want to say it but charles already understand.

he is not answering though, instead locking his phone and stay frozen at his lockscreen.

carlos grins

charles did the same thing too. "you awfully fucking romantic. you surely know how to annoy me huh?!" he groaned before fishing down a kiss to carlos inviting lips.

The phone is long forgotten with a muffled of moans and fabric rustle. with the screen on, it clearly shows charles and carlos selfies in a polaroid card and there are other several polaroid frames with a sharpie inked below them. the center one, the newest one, where charles face full of by a white frosting cake that carlos just smashed him, written there

"only me, your only one bday and race gift'

[henry-adderley]

Dr. Henry Adderley is a general practitioner from England. He is a specialist in his profession, and therefore his services are in demand. One day, he is lucky enough to go to America for work, but when he is ready to agree to the initial conditions, they are suddenly changed. His new acquaintance offers him another opportunity to show himself and do a lot of useful things for people. What will Henry's kindness turn out to be?

This is a story about inevitability. Each person is initially destined for their own fate, which they cannot change.

Delay the inevitable? Yes.

Prevent it? No.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Rock of Destiny, Part 1

August 19, 20...year

I am Henry Adderley, an English doctor. In two days I am flying to North America, where I will stay for a couple of weeks. The trip there will be long, because the plane ride will take more than seven hours. I started keeping a diary so that I could later tell everything in detail to my dear Lucille, who would remain in England and would be waiting for me at home. I live with my sister because I haven’t found a wife. My profession leaves almost no time for myself and my family; not every woman will agree to endure this for the rest of her life. And even after thirty years, work takes first place. Well, I'm going off topic. Just two days and I will leave this house. After so many years I could have gotten used to it, but every time I worry like the first time that nothing bad happens in my absence. I'm sure Lucille will cope without me. She may no longer be a little sister who needs to be taken care of, but I still worry about her just as much.

It is now a dark and gloomy night outside. The eyes close. Of course, I need to get some sleep before a long journey, but insomnia has been tormenting me for several years now. I know that this won’t lead to anything good, but I can’t force myself again, in almost pitch darkness, mindlessly looking at a slightly shabby wooden wall, in a vain attempt to sleep, I can’t and absolutely don’t want to. My sister will be angry again if she suddenly wakes up and realizes that I’m not sleeping, but that’s okay, she’ll quarrel a little and calm down, as always.

The black round lamp on my desk flickered, plunging the room into darkness for a second. I tiredly rubbed the bridge of my nose, took off my glasses, carefully placed them on the table and turned off the yellow light, which was unpleasant for my tired eyes. The small space of my modestly furnished room was now illuminated only by rare glimpses of lights coming from cars passing by the house and lonely lanterns standing by the road, which sadly bowed their “heads” over the roadway, creating an even more dull atmosphere and completely spoiling my mood. With the saddest and most depressing thoughts, I still forced myself to get up from the table - while the old chair creaked unpleasantly, cutting through the cozy silence of the night - and lie down on the soft bed, lowering my head on the pillow. To my surprise, I almost immediately felt myself falling into sleep. Apparently, keeping a diary did me good, and specifically, it helped me sort out my thoughts and calm my agitated mind.

21 August.

All things are collected in a suitcase, which stands motionless by the door in the hallway and waits until I deign to leave my room, say goodbye to Lucille, take it and leave for the airport. Maybe I’m unnecessarily annoying myself with empty speculation, but I’m gnawed at from the inside by a very, very bad feeling. I'll come back to the diary later when I have some free time.

So, I took in more air into my lungs, trying to calm down, and still left the room. Lucille was already humbly waiting for me on the porch, smiling sweetly. As I approached, she threw my favorite brown coat, which I have been wearing for years, over my shoulders. I kissed her on the cheek, took a heavy black suitcase and got into the car. I’m lucky that I live close enough that I can get to the airport in about ten minutes by taxi.

I boarded the plane exactly at the appointed time, took my seat by the window, behind which it was beginning to get dark, took off my heavy coat, because it was warm in the cabin without it, and put my suitcase at my feet, and then took out a book from it. It was “A Study in Scarlet” by Arthur Conan Doyle, which I re-read over and over again, sincerely enjoying the exciting plot. Immersed in my favorite story, I did not immediately notice that a young couple sat down next to me. The girl looked about twenty-five years old, and her boyfriend was about thirty, it seemed to me. They were excitedly discussing something, if I understood correctly, they were talking about the upcoming wedding. Her voice was slightly squealing, unlike her partner’s, from which I concluded that the girl was much more worried about this than her future husband. I involuntarily smiled at her cheerful behavior, she looked very happy. The thought occurred to me that maybe everything wasn’t so bad and I was worrying in vain? But as soon as I relaxed and put the book down, the plane made a sharp maneuver to the side, and a glass bottle with a dark brown liquid, which a minute earlier the man had placed on the table, overturned right onto my coat, which lay peacefully on my lap. My fellow travelers instantly fell silent, the girl covered her mouth with her hands in fear. I sighed. Well, of course, everything couldn’t go without incident! I slowly got up from my seat and, without saying a word to them, went to the restroom. The stain was quite large, but I decided that I still had a lot of time and I could wash it off. By the way, I spent at least half an hour on this activity, and when I returned to my seat, I had to listen to numerous apologies from my fellow traveler. Of course, I am very grateful to her for the attention she received, but I was not in the mood at all, so I calmly assured her that nothing bad had happened and that I was not angry with them at all. I didn’t hear a word from the man.

I slept for the last hour of the flight, holding my almost dry raincoat to the glass.

August 22.

Now that I have the opportunity to continue, I will write down how this day went. New York greeted me with the noise of passing cars and the beauty of high-rise buildings. Every coffee shop exuded coziness. Lively streets, people scurrying everywhere. This is a city of hustle and bustle. It charmed with its unique atmosphere: it managed to delight with its grandeur, beauty and at the same time surprise with the comfort of stay, the kindness of the locals. Yes, the society here turned out to be very diverse, but the hospitality of all the people was a pleasant surprise. In a couple of hours I checked into the hotel and walked around the neighborhood. Well, as neighborhoods... I managed to make the acquaintance of a pretty nice girl while I was buying coffee. I decided that from now on I would only come here, because Emma turned out to be a good conversationalist and an excellent barista, and the cafe where she worked was located not far from the hotel where I checked in. My favorite latte macchiato was as amazing as always. I walked aimlessly along one of the alleys. Frankly, the row of trees and clean paths make a good impression. I think I should definitely go back there again. I even envy a little people who can afford to walk there with their dogs every day. Watching these cute and frisky animals run is a real pleasure! Having already gotten up from the bench to go further, I suddenly felt a light touch on my shoulder and turned around. Blue eyes, hair with a reddish tint. We froze opposite each other, not believing our eyes. I did not expect to meet him here...

— Henry! How I felt it was you! We haven't seen each other since graduation!

I remembered that Matt was always very emotional, so I was not surprised that he was all glowing with joy. I patted him on the back, greeting him, and smiled too. After all, we were friends. Our friendship was cooled by seven years of separation. He left London then, we rarely wrote to each other, and both were more concerned with their careers than maintaining communication. I didn’t know who he had become in the end, and this was a good opportunity to ask interesting questions.

— Nice to meet you. Do you live here or are you just stopping by for work?

Matt’s face changed a little, apparently he didn’t expect me to start with this, but he answered simply and clearly:

— I do. England with its frequent rains seemed too gray to me.

I generally agreed with him, but I still wasn’t going to move. London reminded me of my childhood, when my parents were still alive, and I played football with the neighborhood kids.

— You’re passing through, right? — Matt asks to keep the conversation going.

I nod:

— Work. By the way, would you like to walk me home? This is my first day here, I haven't had a chance to see the city yet.

He agrees, somewhat confused, and I give him the address.

The asphalt under my feet seems unusually clean for a big city. Not yet withered, recently mown bright green grass grows along the edges and goes somewhere deep into the park. A silence hangs between me and my friend, which, unfortunately, I can't call comfortable, but it doesn't bother me either. Matt seemed to have gotten into the atmosphere of this place and didn't mind my prolonged silence. Beginning to realize my unreasonable coldness towards him, I find myself momentarily seized by the desire to maintain communication with this person close to me, but this mood is quickly knocked down by the understanding that over so many years we have both changed. Me for sure. He — maybe.

— I have had a different phone number for several years now. Maybe you can write it down? — Matt suggests, and I don’t refuse. — I’ll wait for you to tell me later what kind of job you have.

He smiles so sincerely and radiantly, like in the old days, and I even feel sad that we haven’t talked for so long. How I’ve missed him.

The main building of the central hospital greets me with coolness from the fans and bright lighting. The girl at the reception shows me the way, after I explain who I need to see.

Mr. Hill is a man of average height with short brown hair and a forced smile. When talking, he actively gestures with his hands and often raises his voice to a screech. This man is responsible for my stay here. I can’t call him a boss, because I work for myself, but he is responsible for my accommodation and arrangements. So to speak, one word from him — and almost all roads are open to me. This is certainly useful, but I am not thrilled with his company. Our conversation quickly gets down to business. My presence here is necessary because there is a war going on, which has sent most of the citizens to the front, including professional doctors. Due to the shortage of people, I will have a busy schedule, but this is compensated by a decent salary and the fact that there is no need to pay for a hotel rented for me, it is not my concern. Mr. Hill is listing some of the clients who want to see me, mainly those with serious mechanical injuries requiring surgical intervention, when his speech is interrupted by a phone call. His face twists in disgust when he hears what his interlocutor is saying.

— Reschedule the meeting with her. Say anything, just to make her go away! - there are hysterical notes in his voice, - No, now is not the right time, I'm busy, very busy. The one who came to us... But... — his eyes widen, and his expression becomes like a pitiful one. — Got it.

He hangs up the call and slams the phone down on the glass table. Without explaining the scene that I involuntarily witnessed, Mr. Hill abruptly and unexpectedly changes the subject:

— Nelson will be glad to see you in this same office tomorrow at one o'clock. Something has changed, - he sighs. — He will tell you himself. That's all.

I politely say goodbye, surprised by this turn of events, and leave the office. Well, I think the above-mentioned person should give me the answers to my questions.

August 23.

It was unusual to wake up without an alarm clock on a weekday. The thin curtains easily let in the sunlight, while the noise from the cars penetrated even through the closed windows. This day promises a lot. The wristwatch showed almost exactly eleven o'clock. Two hours to spare... Not bad. Coffee first, I decided. A few minutes on the road and I was already making an order, then smilingly discussing the news with Emma.

— Can you imagine, — she exclaims enthusiastically, waving her hands. — And I got into the university I’ve been dreaming about since school!

— Congratulations! — I smile, sincerely happy for her, but find it a surprise for me that she’s still studying.

— What’s wrong?— Emma asks in bewilderment, and her outstretched hands with coffee and a packaged donut freeze in front of me.

Is my surprise that obvious?

— So you’re still studying…

— Well, yes, — she smiles as if there was a small, silly child in front of her, and I really feel like one.

— You look just like an adult, — I answer quietly, switching my attention to the cup and bag clutched in her fingers.

— I’ll take that as a compliment.

I nod, take my order and leave the cafe. The next destination is a bench in that very park. I was going to have breakfast in a quiet atmosphere.

Closer to the appointed time, I approach the right office and decide to just wait the remaining ten minutes, but almost immediately the door opens and a man of about fifty looks out of the doorway.

— I saw you through the window, — he smiles good-naturedly and gestures for me to come in. — Thank you for your visit.

— Nice to meet you too, mister…

I sit down on a soft armchair. He places a chair not far from me and sits down, crossing his legs.

— You can just call me Nelson. I can call you by your first name, right? - asks the new acquaintance and after my consent he immediately becomes more serious, — Circumstances have changed a little, Henry. You must know what is happening in the world. Things are not easy for all of us now, and troubles continue to pour out like from a cornucopia. I hope you will not be offended by this turn of events, but you are needed outside the city, in one of the nearby villages. The journey will take several hours, it is a remote area, but there is a sparse population. God-forsaken place... — he throws a somewhat sympathetic glance at me. — Of course, I have no right to force you, but you seem to me a kind person and not spoiled by fame.

— What prompted such thoughts? — I ask, catching on to the last sentence.

A smile spreads across his face again, but this time I can’t interpret it in any way.

— Anyone else would thank me and would undoubtedly confirm these words for their own benefit. Henry, — Nelson continues, returning to the point. — I need your help. I could find someone else, but something tells me that you will not refuse due to your sweet nature.

I was confused by his confidence, because it is impossible to fully understand a person when you are in the same room with him for ten minutes at most, but this time I did not try to refute anything. Perhaps he is bluffing to get what he wants, but his whole honest, open image, the small wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, his sincere smile and the barely noticeable gray hair at his temples inspire confidence. I guess I can compare this man to an old wolf, who may have been clever and scary before, but is now tired of his past, has taken up his usual routine, and instead of hunting rabbits, gives them tours of his domain.

— What do you say? — his voice suddenly sounds very close, and I discover with shame that I missed everything he told me.

Nelson, I am sure, noticed this, but did not show any negative emotions, still smiling at me as if I were his friend, and began again:

— I have not yet told you why exactly you are needed there. It is clear that you will simply be a doctor, but there is something else. I have already said that we are going through difficult times. Before you, one of the servants of the law worked in that village, but then he resigned. It seems for family reasons. I decided to take you myself because I need to meet him. His name will not mean anything to you, and you will meet later. He was in charge of the case there until he gave it all up. You know, — he prolonged the pause, apparently unintentionally. — I would like you to know what I am dragging you into. Just listen. I decided not to interrupt, concentrating on the words.

— This is serious. Something happened; I don’t know all the details, because I haven’t seen anything myself yet. People started disappearing. Lots of victims. The authorities blame it on wild animals, but this explanation never had a chance of being true. I have a personal request for you, Henry.

He moves his chair closer to me and instantly becomes serious.

— I ask you to find a man named Narell and find out from him what’s going on. Because something tells me he’ll send me away as soon as I approach.

— Is this someone you know?

— A former friend.

I nod understandingly.

— Thank you. You will be very helpful. Well, I think that's all for now. You don't have to worry about the payment, the amount will suit everyone, we can discuss it later over the phone. Please forgive me, but there is a meeting in five minutes and I can't miss it.

He pats me on the shoulder a couple of times, we say goodbye, and I leave, left, I must admit, under the impression.

The rest of the day passes as calmly as possible. In the evening, as agreed, I called Nelson. An amazing and unusually pleasant person. Despite the occasional sly notes, he speaks directly and clearly, immediately devoting himself to all the details and explaining where questions may arise. We agree on the same time as today. All that remains for me to do is repack my things in bags and mentally prepare myself for another trip.

August 24.

It's time to say goodbye to the comfortable hotel. Well, I agreed myself. Yesterday I bought everything I needed, walking around a couple of local stores. I don't know how long I'll stay like this. According to the contract, I have 14 days. Not that long, and it's not known how long I'll be stuck in that wilderness. Maybe I'll even like it. Nature, after all.

We met Nelson again at a less businesslike stop in that cafe.

— It's nice to know that someone shares my taste preferences, — he told me when we almost accidentally bumped into each other.

— I'm glad to see you too, — I admitted honestly, even encouraged by such a meeting.

— We're on first-name terms, Henry.

There was still half an hour left before the appointed time, but that didn't bother either of us.

— I decided to come here to have a cup of coffee before you arrived, but you're no slouch either, you surprised me, — Nelson stirred the sugar evenly, not taking his eyes off me.

— Is it surprising that I also like coffee?

— I dared to assume that you liked tea better. I even thought it was green. I'm usually not wrong.

My eyebrows rose, and a slight smile played on my lips.

— Everyone loses sometimes, — I had to hide my chuckle behind a paper cup, taking a sip.

— Got you. I see that the morning has started off well. I hope I didn't ruin your time with my company.

— I don't mind at all, — I responded cheerfully.

— If it's convenient for you, we can leave earlier. By the way, would you mind if we went in my car? I'd also like to see what's going on there.

— As you say. I have my things packed.

— Lots?

— Not very.

— That's good, — he said thoughtfully.

Nelson finished his coffee and threw away his empty cup; I followed his example. We went up to my room together, I took my suitcase, he offered to carry my bag. At the guard station, I handed him the keys and went outside, while Nelson put my bag in the car and waited for me, leaning against his Volkswagen Passat and twirling the keys between his fingers, on which hung a metal keychain in the shape of... a star? Well, that's funny.

As I had already understood, he was not averse to showing off sometimes, so he watched my reaction to his car with a smug smile. And his choice of clothes spoke only the best for him. Not devoid of boastfulness, but moderately proud, Nelson was confident and knew his own worth. My respect.

— Have a good trip! — he said with a smile when I also settled into the seats. — Do you have any preferences in music?

— No.

— I'll take you at your word. Then don't complain if you don't like something.

The songs on the radio were playing randomly. I looked out the window and didn't really remember where we were going. Maybe I should have. For a long time, the apartment buildings gave way to smaller houses; then they disappeared altogether - they were replaced by trees, bushes, and signs warning about moose. About halfway there, I fell asleep, leaning against the glass. Through my sleep, I heard Nelson turn down the music.

He woke me up when we arrived. Opening my eyes, I didn't immediately realize where I was. This place didn't look much like the promised village. Tall grass, not a soul around.

— Let's go further, we won't be able to drive through, — Nelson explained.

Not knowing anything about this area, I obediently followed him along a slightly overgrown, unpaved road. Soon we came to a clearing where several two-story houses were visible. Nelson walked confidently behind them along a barely noticeable path, so much so that I could barely keep up with him.

— Where are we going? — I asked, noticing that we were moving further and further away from the original place.

— Remember, I was talking about one person?

Soon we came to a hill, where a fire was lit in the clearing ahead, and a little further by the water there was a tall man, and, as far as I understood, he was fishing. Nelson pushed me in the back, and I went down to the water. But before I could even say hello, Narell himself began the conversation:

— Are you the doctor who voluntarily, out of the kindness of his heart, — he grinned. — Decided to come to this backwater?

— That’s right, — I was a little taken aback by such straightforwardness.

— Welcome, — undiluted sarcasm.

The man didn’t even turn in my direction — he was so sure of his rightness. And then he turned to Nelson, who instantly tensed up:

— And why did you bring him to me?

— You’ll die here completely if I sit here with my hands folded.

— Why do I need him, I ask?

Narell finally turned around and looked at me as if I was the cause of all his troubles.

— I have everything under control and I don’t want anyone else poking their nose into our affairs.

That was pretty rude.

— I understand why you react to me like that, but I doubt that you have “everything under control”, because you definitely don’t! A lot has happened here in the last month, especially bad things, and I, like Mr. Nelson, cannot ignore it, — I said firmly.

— Are you a doctor or an investigator? Your job is to treat people, I’ll take care of the rest.

Narell sighed and continued, not taking his eyes off me:

— Since I can’t send you both away, tomorrow we’ll need to go to the victims. Any other questions?

— If you can handle everything yourself, as you’re trying to convince us, then why can’t you solve this problem too?

— Shut your mouth.

I was taken aback for a second by this, and even Nelson didn’t interfere, although he was clearly unhappy with how the conversation went.

— I’m afraid to ask, — I began carefully, but was interrupted.

— Then don’t ask, doctor, — he emphasized the last word with his voice, as if indicating my place.

Not intending to tolerate this, I left this place without saying another word to him. I don’t know where exactly I was going, I didn’t even turn around when Nelson called out. Tomorrow after lunch. Okay. Let it be as he says. I’ll finish this and never see him again.

Later Nelson found me by the car. He apologized for what happened, helped me move my things to my new place of residence and left.

It’s getting on with the evening. Now I’m in what I must admit is a rather cozy house in the middle of the forest. In this place, each building is separated from the others by at least one hundred and fifty meters. The house that was given to me includes one room and a fairly spacious kitchen. Fortunately, it was very clean and dry inside, with the exception of the stairs to the second floor, which, like the steps at the threshold of the house, were a little rotten, and moss was visible on the walls at the back of the house. Otherwise, I have nothing to complain about. The nature here was, as I had imagined, magnificent. To begin with, I strolled out of the house and sat down on a bench worn by time. It seemed to have scratches from someone's claws on it. Probably the previous owners had a dog or some other animal. Tearing myself away from the boring examination of the wood, I looked up at the view that opened up to me. I am not exaggerating at all when I say that the flora here is charming. Broadleaf trees of a rich green color grew along the entire perimeter. At almost any time of the day you could hear the singing of birds, of which there were many different species in the area. Before dark, I managed to walk around the vast territory to unwind, and this helped a lot.

August 25.

The wall clock showed 04:16. The phone lay alone on the wooden nightstand by the bed.

I tiredly rubbed my eyes with my hand. Usually I used a flashlight so as not to make my way around the house in the evening by touch, trying not to bump into anything. I didn’t want to turn on the light. The instant coffee in the mug with a funny white cat had long since cooled down and now stood sadly, completely forgotten by me. For the last ten minutes, the book lying on my lap remained motionless. I stubbornly tried to read the text on the page that was in front of my eyes, but my brain simply refused to perceive the information, constantly returning my thoughts to that dialogue. The fact that something was fishy here was clear even without my guesses and conjectures. I took a deep breath, calming down. The main thing for me now is not to lose face in front of Narell, so I must be unperturbed and, as he said, do my job well. And I will deal with the rest without his knowledge and control. And what could he do to me? Really, and what was I afraid of? I need to rest until about ten o'clock so as not to look too bad. I returned to the second floor, leaving everything as it was. The penultimate step creaked ominously, which sent a chill down my spine and I hurried to hide in the room. It was eleven o'clock when I opened my eyes again and immediately screwed them up from the bright light that was pouring in a continuous stream from the window. I overslept a little, but nothing terrible. Getting up from the soft bed, I felt a pleasant lightness in my whole body, which I hadn't felt for a long time. I slept well! Great news. I think the day promises to be good. After water procedures, I got dressed and went down to the kitchen. In a couple of sips, I finished the bitter coffee, because it was a pity to spill it, and quickly prepared hot sandwiches with sausage and egg.

In fact, I had just finished my meal, turned off the gas stove and washed the dishes when my guest appeared on the path leading out of the village. He greeted me dryly and shook my hand. I noted to myself that he spoke calmly and clearly, and that his voice was deep and a little hoarse. Now that I had the chance to meet him face to face in a calm environment, I can say that he was very attractive in appearance for his age. A man of about thirty-seven with dark, straight, shoulder-length hair that was very tangled in some places, dressed in a simple white shirt, the first three buttons of which were casually unbuttoned, and loose black trousers. If I were to describe his face, it is worth noting that he had dark green eyes, a nose with a slight hump and thin lips that had never stretched into a smile in my presence. His hands were rough, from which I concluded that he often did hard work. Perhaps he has a family here that he is worried about. This picture made my chest warm. Maybe I was wrong to slander him, and Narell is not so bad. But with his next phrase he dashed all my hopes for friendship with him:

— Stop smiling, it looks terrible! — he said with feigned disgust.

An intolerable person, and a rude one at that. Apparently, my thoughts were clearly reflected on my face, because then Narell condescendingly patted me on the shoulder and told me not to sulk.

[i90soot]

“I'm starting to believe that you don't like it at all.”

Neutral pronouns.

Tw: angst, low self-esteem, mention of self-harm, about thinking things, Wilbur being somewhat careles, comfort, fluff.

You just wish he could spend more time with you but he's too busy and you're dragging yourself down. (It has a good ending, don't worry)

He's too busy, he has too many things to do, he can't be with you all the time and you understand that, he needs to be worried about his own problems, you should do it too, but you can not do it, not when you miss hugging him every night and accompanying him on his streams, not when you see that he spends more time on other things than with you, his partner, but you understand, you are not the center of the world and he has things to do.

But that doesn't mean you're crying in the bathroom now.

It's your birthday and he hasn't come home and it's already past dinner time 09:36 PM and you've been waiting for him for hours, he promised to come but he hasn't arrived and you can't wait any longer.

Soft sobs escape you sitting on the bathroom floor leaning against the bathroom wall you can't take it anymore being almost forgotten by the person you love, you took apart a slicer and there was no turning back when you cut your skin you didn't want to do it but you were too depressed and it didn't help when you received notification of a post from Ash where it just showed him and the whole gang somewhere you don't remember, you're too depressed to remember but Wilbur looked too happy, too happy without you.

”¿Y/n?” he call your name, you didn't hear the front door open and you can barely hear them saying your name in the middle of the room.

You look at the bathroom door, quickly get up and throw the blood-stained object into the trash can. You try to hide the fresh cuts with your sweater, but the blood can still come.

“¿Y/n?" He repeats this time, somewhat worried, "¿Are you here?" He tries to look for you.

“¡Y-yes! I am," you shout from the bathroom you tried to make your voice sound relaxed but you failed.

"Hey, I'm sorry I was late. I was delayed on the way, but I'm here," he says, sighing. You listen to him sit down in the living room chair. "I understand if you're angry, I promised to arrive earlier and it's a little late but we can still celebrate." He tries to cheer you up.

Looking at your phone on the floor it's already 11:25 pm you didn't even notice you were too busy crying.

You hold back a sob as you look for something to clean the blood with before leaving the bathroom. You swallow and try your best to look normal in the mirror.

"Okay, I understand," you whisper while trying to fix your hair in front of the mirror. You make him sigh tiredly. Now you feel bad. Maybe he's tired and you're forcing him to spend time with you.

“¿Where are you?” He asks, sitting in the living room, he has a gift for you next to him.

"Don't worry in the bathroom, I'll be out in a moment" you whisper and continue struggling with looking normal, you don't know how, but you need to do it, you don't want to look bad.

In the end you made your best effort to look as normal as possible, you managed to leave the bathroom shaking but with a slight smile he still smiled and you ended up sitting next to him. You laugh the rest of the night, you laugh you smile you joke with him but he can't help but feel that something is wrong.

Now he is sitting in the kitchen while you give him a piece of cake, he sighs and takes some of the delicious cake which he cannot fully taste yet he eats it along with the glass of wine that you offered him.

“¿What happened to that sharpener? ¿Did he have to pay a penalty for something or something?" He jokes, looking in the kitchen trash can at a disassembled sharpener without the sharpened piece in the middle.

You look at the pencil sharpener and laugh you nervously scratch your neck and nod, "don't worry," you smile and take a sip of cake.

Wilbur looks at you for a few seconds, taking a sip from his glass before speaking again.

"Oh hey, you're not wearing the bracelet I gave you anymore,” Wilbur says and tries to take your hand to check it well but you gasp slightly and he notices the wounds on your wrist due to your moan and like trying to move your arm away when he grab your wrist.

"A-ah, I..." you say nervously, you swallow, afraid of what he will say to this. ¿Will he feel disgusted? ¿Will he think you're stupid for hurting yourself for such stupid things? He's going to-

You feel his hand on your shoulder, you can practically imagine his worried expression painted on his face. “¿Why did you do it?” Wilbur asks, his tone too soft. You've done it before he knows it but he never knew why.

"I'm just-" you try to speak but the words stay stuck in the middle of your throat, you let out a sob and squeeze your wrist, lowering your head. “I couldn't help it...” sobs under your breath, you feel him put his hand on your arm to try to stop you from squeezing your injured wrist.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Wilbur whispers and walks over to you forgetting about the cake and wine. ”You don't have to hide it, okay? "It's okay" he whispers and tries to calm you down, he doesn't know how to make it worse, he tries, he hugs you and you rest your head on his chest.

You've missed his hugs for a long time.

You miss his warmth,

you miss him.

“It's okay... I just need to know why I won't judge you, I just want to know why I want to help you" he whispers and you can't help but cry a little.

“I was too depressed , couldn't take it anymore you were too busy, out of nowhere everyone had forgotten that I existed, aut of nowhere you were too busy to remind me you are too busy. I thought you were getting bored of me I thought you were starting to forget me your life has gotten so busy, i couldn't stand it, You're... I started to think I stopped liking you I thought, I thought it wasn't important anymore," you try to say but in the same way your voice sounds too strange and incomprehensible. You can't even say it right.

Wilbur looks at you he can feel his own heart breaking. He didn't think he had neglected you so much you said a long time ago that you were fine, it was nothing and he thought it was nothing.

"I thought what..." Wilbur tries to speak but he doesn't know what to say he just hugs you in silence. "I'm sorry" he whispers and kisses your forehead, you practically fall into his touch and he just catches you.

You don't talk, you just let yourself fall into his touch, he just hugs you and tries to calm you down. “You know I love you Y/n, I won't get bored of you, I would just stop loving you,” he whispers. "I'm sorry I've been too busy to notice this... I'm so sorry" he whispers "I love you, do you know that? We can talk about this if you want" he whispers.

You don't say anything, you just hug him, you don't want to talk too much, you just want him, you don't need much else, you just want to be with him and drown in his warmth.

03:45 am, You are in bed in his arms, he sends her warm on top of both of you. Wilbur caresses your head and hums to calm you down. You just close your eyes and enjoy being with him. As you begin to fall asleep he smiles and kisses your forehead, "I love you," he says and you can finally rest warmly tonight.

— ★

You get up, your heart stops when you notice that he is no longer in bed. Your eyes become glassy about to sob a little, he has left you again and now you are alone again.

"¿Ready for breakfast?" He says entering the room, you look up quickly, he is with your breakfast in his hands, he probably ordered food.

Wilbur looks at you with a slight smile and you look at him, you can't help but smile a little, he's here, at least your seats are here, and he comes over to sit with you on the bed.

He is here, he has not abandoned you yet.

[soft--dragon]

Bedtime Stories

This is a branching, alternate timeline where Crosshair went back with the others at the end of Season 1 after Kamino falls. He's settled back in well enough, he's having to adjust to a child running around on the Marauder with them now

This is all written to be PLATONIC. Shipping any of these characters together is disgusting as they're siblings, please don't interact if you're a shipper >:(

Word Count: 4,115

Warnings: None

This is a SFW tickle fic, if you don’t like that then don’t read :)

Crosshair was starting to develop a distaste for nine o’clock at night. It was slowly becoming more and more of a headache and for good reason. Nine o’clock; Omega’s bedtime. 

He was sitting in the cockpit, hoping to escape any shenanigans the small clone played to try and stay up later. Hunter had put the curfew in place after Omega had almost been shot on a job - her reflexes dampened by exhaustion - and practically gave the sergeant a heart attack in the process. So, he’d put the new rule in place, and he planned to stick to it. Omega hadn't been very accepting of the new rule, trying to find more creative ways to avoid her room and the bed in it. 

Usually, it was pretty easy to put her to bed despite her excuses, one of them able to herd her to the gunner mount at some point during the evening. She managed to really confuse them once, they’d spent fifteen minutes trying to find her, only to discover her in the air vents. She was a crafty little womp rat, Crosshair would give her that. 

Crosshair’s musings were interrupted abruptly as the kid skidded into the cockpit and hit the button behind her to close the door. She swung around and almost yelped in alarm at the sight of Crosshair sitting there. 

“Evening,” Crosshair greeted dryly, looking back to his book to try and make it clear he was not dealing with this. 

“Hi Cross,” Omega grinned nervously. “Could you do me a favour?” 

“No.”

“But you don’t even know what it is-”

“I am not telling Hunter to let you stay up. You’re a child. Go to bed.”

Omega put her hands on her hips and puffed out her cheeks indignantly. “I’m older than you. Why don’t you go to bed?” 

Crosshair had to bite his tongue not to smirk at the kid’s snarkiness. She was getting bolder with her sass, something that Tech, Echo and himself had been influencing shamelessly, but he’d rather be shot than say he was proud. Instead, he scowled deeper at her comment to save face and swivelled in his chair to face the doorway. 

“Hunter! She’s in here!” He called snidely, smirking at the look of betrayal on Omega’s face. 

“Crosshair!” she exclaimed. 

Crosshair flipped the page of his book. “Don’t sass me then, kid.” 

The door slid open, freezing Omega in place. Tech and Hunter stood in the threshold, the latter’s arms crossed and brow firmly set. “Omega, bed.” Hunter stated. 

“But-”

Hunter held up a hand before she could protest, his tone leaving no room for argument as he spoke. “I’ve set the curfew, you need to follow it. I’m not having a repeat of last time.”

Tech cleared his throat as he slipped by Hunter to enter the cockpit. “Might I add, sleep deficiency causes more than just a lower reflex rate, Omega. It also risks the chance of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, stroke and depression.” 

“Thank you, Tech,” Hunter sighed, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly.

“Of course.” Tech walked to the control panel and crouched beside it, taking out his tools to repair the wiring. “Someone has to catalogue the side effects of bad habits, considering how much you are all intent on picking up habits that damage your bodies, and in turn damage our efficiency on jobs. 

"For instance, Hunter’s inability to speak about his migraines, Echo’s lack of sleep from nightmares, Wrecker’s desire to hide injuries not to worry us, and Crosshair-”

“Yeah yeah, you badgered me so much about smoking that I had to quit just to shut you up.” Crosshair hissed, lifting his book higher to his face just to block out the other occupants of the room. He came in here for an escape from his family at night, not to be stuck in the middle of this. 

Hunter then cleared his throat, giving Omega a pointed look. Omega, who had been slowly sneaking towards the door to dart away while Tech was talking, whined slightly. “Come on, Hunter, ten more minutes-” 

“You said ‘ten more minutes’ fifteen minutes ago,” the sergeant countered - Tech muttering; “Technically, it has been sixteen minutes now.” from the control panel - and making Hunter wave a hand in his direction in agreement. “There, you see? Now come on, you’re gonna be exhausted tomorrow if you don’t get some rest.”

The blonde clone crossed her arms stubbornly. “I’ll be fine.”

Hunter’s frown deepened, then his gaze slid over to the other occupant of the room who looked completely done with the pair of them. He smirked, and crossed his arms too. “If you don’t go now, I’ll get Crosshair to put you to bed.”

Crosshair, who was sitting quietly on his chair, scowled and hid his face further behind the book. He did not ask to be dragged into this, thank you very much.

Obviously catching the sniper’s resistance to being pulled into the fray, Omega’s grin widened and she looked up at Hunter with a shit-eating grin. “He won’t do it.” She claimed boldly. 

Big mistake. 

“I will for some damn peace and quiet.” 

Omega yelped as she was suddenly lifted into the air and tossed ungraciously over a shoulder. She gripped onto the civilian shirt, eyes wide as she registered how far off the ground she was. It wasn’t as high as when she was picked up by Wrecker, but it was still jarring. Then they were moving, and she was passing by Hunter who was looking at her far too smugly. 

“Told you.” He grinned. 

Omega glared then raised a finger up at him.

Tech looked up from his data pad at Hunter’s loud noise of indignation and gave a small hum. “Well, I certainly recognize that hand signal.”

Hunter looked close to a panic attack as he called out after his brother. “Crosshair! What have you been teaching her?!”

“Sorry, can’t hear you, putting a child to bed.” Crosshair said over his shoulder and let the cockpit doors slide close behind him. He then hefted Omega off his shoulder to settle her on his hip, giving her a flat look. “I thought we agreed not to show Hunter what I’ve taught you.”

Omega giggled, gripping onto him firmly though she knew she wouldn’t be dropped. “Well I guess I just didn’t listen.”

Crosshair rolled his eyes, though there was a slight amused gleam to them. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

They passed by the bunks where Wrecker and Echo were sleeping, the demolition expert’s snores rumbling through the room. How it didn’t wake Echo was a mystery, Crosshair admired the man’s ability to somehow block out Wrecker’s noise without earplugs. Keeping Omega balanced on his hip, he hefted himself up the gunner mount ladder and dropped Omega unceremoniously on the blankets and pillows clustered on the floor like a nest. 

“There. Bed. Sleep.” He grumbled, moving to get back down the ladder.

“Crosshair wait!” 

Crosshair paused on the rails, looking at her flatly. “What?” He asked, “if you’re expecting me to tuck you in then you’re gravely mistaken.”

Omega shook her head, eyes bright as she asked, “Can you tell me a story?” Well then. That was an unusual request. Deciding to humour her, Crosshair leant against the ladder with a raised brow. “...What kind of story?”

“Anything you want.”

“Alright. Once upon a time there was a galaxy, it exploded, the end.”

The kid groaned, tipping her head back and rolling her eyes so hard Crosshair was surprised they didn’t roll right out of her head. “I meant a good story.”

“That was a good story.”

“No it wasn’t.”

Crosshair huffed, slipping his toothpick from his teeth. “Tough crowd.”

Omega sat forward in her blankets more, a hard set in her brow and… oh gods, she was pouting wasn’t she? Damnit. Wrecker had obviously taught her that one to manipulate Hunter. “C’mon, surely you’ve got some good stories? 

“I lived on the battlefield and survived a war. Not many good stories from that.”

Not deterred slightly, Omega persisted. “What about outside of the battles? When you were with the others? There has to be some good moments, right?”

Crosshair sighed heavily. Unless he wanted an earful from Hunter about Omega not being asleep, he was gonna have to indulge this little devil. She was stubborn, he’d give her that. “...I suppose there was the one time we visited a snow planet and Wrecker got his tongue stuck on Echo’s scomp link.”

Omega’s mouth dropped open in an excited grin. “He what?!”

“Did no one tell you this one?”

She threw up her hands in exasperation. “No. They barely tell me any embarrassing stories about themselves.”

Crosshair’s smile became downright wicked. “Oh? Is that so?” He hefted himself up onto the gunner mount floor, pressing his back to the wall and hiking a boot up on the rungs. “Well then, what a terrible thing it is for them to have a brother who remembers many embarrassing moments.”

Omega’s eyes were sparkling with mischief. The blankets fell around her lap as she sat up, an eager gleam to her brown eyes. “Tell me all of them!”

Crosshair, being the sweet and caring person that he is, placed a hand on her face and pushed her back down into the cushions. “Lie down and listen, womp rat,” he scoffed. “Or I’ll throw you out the airlock.”

Omega grinned, peeking through his fingers as she shoved off his palm. “No you won’t.”

“Really want to test that theory?” He asked, reaching out a hand only for her to it smack away with a bright giggle. 

“No! I’m meant to be going to sleep!”

“Shocking how you only use that excuse when it benefits you.”

“I picked it up from you.”

Somehow, dumbly, that comment made Crosshair’s chest swell with pride. The knowledge that he’d passed down some of his skill sets down to this little sponge of a clone was a weirdly good feeling. 

He settled back against the wall, crossing his arms and swivelling the toothpick in his mouth. “So, are you going to cooperate and let me tell my story?”

Omega grinned and snuggled down into the blankets, assured that the tall clone wasn’t going to throw her out the airlock of the Havoc Marauder. “Ready!” She chirped, cuddling Lula to her chest.

She was the picture of childish innocence. It made something protective rear up in Crosshair’s heart. Stupid feelings. Damn kid making him go soft. “Alright,” Crosshair sighed, and then somewhat awkwardly, he began to retell the visit to the planet.

His words were choppy to start with, not used to telling stories of their life outside of the war, especially not to a child. He’d given mission reports - though not willingly - and those were easier, they were facts of an operation. This was more like crafting a book in his head and telling it to someone that was very easy to influence. Crosshair wisely left out the bits and pieces that Omega might find concerning, and for the record, the avalanche was entirely Wrecker’s fault, not his. 

As the story went on, Crosshair found the words leaving him easily. His raspy voice was edged with mirth as he described the life or death snowball fight and attempts of skating on the frozen lake. It caused an assortment of ridiculous pictures - courtesy of Tech - of their very shaky forms on the slick surface. 

“Like new-born Tauntauns' they were,” Crosshair smirked. “Staggering around and falling over themselves constantly. I’ll have to ask Tech where he put the holos, there are some good ones of Hunter flat on his face”

“Are there any of you?” Omega asked with a grin. 

“Have you ever seen me slip and fall? I was fine.” Crosshair scoffed, looking half offended she’d even suggested such a thing. “I’m used to getting around sloped terrain by sliding down it, the ice was no different.” 

Omega giggled softly, hugging Lula closer to her chest and looking over the toy with her big brown eyes. “Do you think we could visit a snow planet sometime? I’ve never had the chance to really explore one before. We went to one a while back, but I didn’t get to look around properly, we were too busy being attacked by ice dragons.”

Crosshair blinked down at her. It was sometimes easy to forget that Omega had spent most of her life beneath the oceans of Kamino, stuck in a lab with Nala Se with no opportunity to explore the galaxy. 

“...I’m sure Hunter could be persuaded," he found himself saying. "And if he isn’t-”

“Then we ask Echo,” Omega finished with a knowing smirk. 

Crosshair hummed in agreement, turning his head to look out of the window of the gunner's mount, the stars blinking back at him softly. He took in a breath, not minding the staleness of the recycled air. It was peaceful and homely on the ship, that's all that mattered to him. It was far better than the suffocatingly cold and sterile air of the Empire’s ships. Crosshair repressed a shudder.

It was after staring at the stars for a moment too long that he realised it was too peaceful. He flicked his eyes to the kid, expecting to see her finally asleep in the nest of blankets, but instead, she was watching him closely. 

He narrowed his gaze. “What?” he snipped, though it was a far cry from his usual harsh snap. 

He always tried to soften his tone while speaking to Omega, not wanting to give her the wrong idea of him being annoyed with her. He just sounded grumpy most of the time, but thankfully she seemed to know his true emotions were hidden under the grouch.

Omega smiled in response to his question. “I’m just happy you’re here,” she answered genuinely. “Even if I didn’t know you all too well when we first met, something was missing without you on the squad.”

Crosshair stubbornly looked out the window again, refusing to acknowledge the warmth flickering in his chest. “How touching,” he grumbled. 

A tiny foot hit his knee, diverting his attention back to Omega. She was frowning slightly, but there was a twinkle in her eye. "Did you just kick me?" He asked dubiously. 

Omega ignored his accusation. “Would it kill you to be sentimental just once?”

“Yes. I would die immediately,” Crosshair replied dryly. 

“No you wouldn’t.”

“I’m not about to risk death just to appease your need for emotional reassurance.”

“Come on,” Omega sat up, Lula falling to her side. “It’s not that hard-”

“No, lay back down and sleep,” Crosshair leaned over to push her head back against the pillows. An annoyed noise weaselled out from Omega, muffled slightly by his palm. 

“Not until you say something nice!” Omega argued, her own hands came up to try and shove at Crosshair’s wrist.

Crosshair grumbled, and with his spare hand, he dragged his fingers over his face and scowled. “Aren’t you ever tired?”

“Nope.” Omega popped the ‘p’ for good measure, grinning at her brother smugly. “Now say something nice or I’ll never sleep!”

It was like making a deal with Satan.

“You’re a terrible child.”

Omega rolled her eyes. “You’re really bad at this.”

“Niceties aren’t my profession.”

“Clearly.”

Crosshair glowered at the kid. After a moment he inquired, "Are you always this infuriating?"

"We share the same DNA, I had to get some traits from you." 

Crosshair gave Omega precisely seven seconds to take back that statement. When no such words were spoken, he glared darkly. 

"Alright you little shit," he hissed, paying no mind to the small voice in his mind that sounded a lot like Wrecker telling him he shouldn’t be cursing around a child. "It's about time someone taught you to respect your elders." 

"I'm older than yo-"

"Nope, you're not allowed to use that argument anymore." Crosshair promptly scooped up Omega, blankets and all, and dumped her on his lap. Ensnared by the tangles of fabric, Omega laughed and struggled against the arm cage Crosshair had put her in. 

"Cross!" 

“Can’t hear you kid, you’re pretty muffled.” Giving into the more playful side of himself, Crosshair’s fingers delved into the blanket to prod around Omega’s torso, hearing her squeak and giggle wildly at the ticklish sparks of electricity jolting through her. He smirked at her reactions and continued with his snarky teasing. “Maybe if you didn’t have a blanket over your head I could hear you better. Oh well, maybe next time.”

Omega suddenly squealed when Crosshair’s fingers pinched up her ribs, her wiggling increasing as bubbly laughter spilled from under the blanket. “Nohoho! Crohohosshahair!”

He scoffed loudly. “Really Omega, didn’t I just say I couldn’t hear you very well? Maybe we should get Tech to check your ears.” Crosshair was fighting for his life not to break out a grin, but he couldn’t contain the mischievous note in his tone as he messed with the kid. 

Omega smacked him in the chest with a swaddled hand and hiccupped in laughter. “Yohou suhuck!” In a bid for freedom, Omega twisted in her blanket cocoon and pushed her own fingers into Crosshair’s stomach through the thick material. 

The strangled noise that burst from the sniper was high pitched and wildly out of character. He half curled up, arms tightening against himself in reflex. Omega gasped like she'd discovered the answer for Clone Rights. 

"You're ticklish!" 

Immediately, a series of rapid fire pokes sent shock waves through Crosshair's sides and stomach, causing another badly restrained yelp to pull free, followed by breathy titters that kept tumbling free despite the man's best efforts to keep them down. 

"Awww! You can laugh, Cross!" Omega's excited cooing made an embarrassed warmth flush in the sniper's ears. This wasn't the plan. How the hell did it go this awry? 

"S-Shut up-" he spluttered. He could've pushed her away easily of course, but with how close they were to the gunner mount edge, he didn't want to risk the nightmare scenario playing out in his head of Omega tumbling from the height and hurting herself. Though, with how much he was embarrassing himself with these dignity destroying snickers, he might have to let the child drop. 

"I've never heard you laugh like this." Omega carried on, never shy of speaking her mind regardless of how embarrassed it made her brothers. "It's really nice actually, you should do it more often." 

What the fuck. 

Crosshair would deny to his goddamn grave that Omega's genuine words were having any effect on his cold, dead heart. He was a soldier bred for battle, why was he getting overwhelmed by a kid complimenting his laugh? He couldn't even think of a proper reply with how much his brain had short circuited. 

"Yohou- goddahahamn-" 

Omega giggled at his sputtering attempts. "Huh, you're just like Hunter when he laughs too much to talk," she commented with a grin. 

Crosshair opened his mouth to argue against that, but Omega had begun prodding up and down his sides and getting lower the longer she did so and only making Crosshair's titters increase. When she got too close to his overly sensitive hip bones, Crosshair decided enough was enough. Both of his hands scratched and skittered all around Omega's shoulder blades and back upper ribs - a soft spot for Crosshair himself. 

Omega instantly ripped her hands away from him and burst into a fit of unrestrained squeaks, torn between pressing against Crosshair to evade the tickling or attempting to attack him again. 

"That was a bad move, kid," Crosshair grumbled, his soft laughter faded but his smile had started to finally crack out through his mask. "Don't start a fight you can't finish."

Omega tried to reach out to tickle him again, but Crosshair swiftly intercepted the move and poked rapidly under her arm, smirking at the surprised squeal that leapt from the blonde clone. She really needed to learn that he was the champion of tickle fights - his losses were few and far between, and there was little chance he was losing to her. He gave a grazing swipe at her neck with his fingernails just cause he could, and because it made her squeal endearingly. Huh, just like Tech. He pocketed that thought for a later time. 

“Ahem.” 

The sudden sound of someone clearing their throat made the two freeze. Turning around in sync, the pair were greeted by the sight of Echo standing close to the gunner mount, arms crossed and blearily glaring at them.

“Crosshair, Omega is meant to be asleep.” His voice was deeper than normal having just woken up, and it only made his stern tone more intimidating. 

Omega pressed herself back into Crosshair, as if to hide behind him, with a meek, guilty grin. “Sohorry Echo,” she apologised, giggles lingering in her speech. “we didn’t mehean to wake you.”

Echo’s stern expression wavered a tad at her giggly state, something Crosshair internally rolled his eyes at. Did this kid seriously have everyone wrapped around her finger? Unbelievable. He’d have to ask her to use that so they could win every argument against their brothers. Omega was going to flourish under his teachings. 

“Yeah, what she said. Go back to bed, Echo,” Crosshair waved off his brother. “I’ll put her to sleep.”

“To bed. You’re going to put her to bed.” Echo emphasised. “Don’t kill our sister.”

Crosshair planted a hand on Omega’s face and ignoring her indigent squark, he pushed her down on the bed roll. Gently of course, he wasn’t a total dick. “Yeah yeah, I got it, now go. Your night watch shift is in two hours.” 

Echo hummed and gave a small salute, turning back to the bunks with a tired slouch to his posture. “Night you two.”

“Goodnight Echo.”

“Night.”

When Crosshair heard Echo’s bunk creak and settle once more, he turned back to Omega who was rubbing at her eyes. “Finally tired, yet?” He inquired. 

“No.” Omega replied, ever the stubborn one, immediately dropping her fist. She clearly was exhausted, her rapid blinking and wavering form displayed that, but she was insistent on resisting. 

Crosshair pinched the skin between his eyes, mentally reminding himself it would be wrong to stun a child. “If I tell you one more story, you go to sleep immediately afterwards. Deal?”

Omega studied him with pursed lips as she thought over the offer. Then she smiled, and bundled up her blankets in her arms. “Deal.”

Crosshair didn’t get a moment to protest when she stood up and threw herself down in his lap, curling into his chest and snuggling close. All air left the man as he openly gaped, watching Omega cuddle into his scrawny form and nudge her head into his collarbone. “Ready,” she mumbled, eyes slipping closed and completely missing Crosshair’s rare moment of speechless floundering. 

It took approximately ten seconds for Crosshair to scrape up some semblance of his usual demeanour and pretend that this wasn’t melting his stone cold heart into a fond puddle. Eugh, this kid was going to be the death of him one day. The thought didn’t bother him as much as he assumed it would. 

Wrapping a cautiously gentle arm around the small bundle curled into his chest, Crosshair turned his attention back to the stars and began softly telling another story. Omega tried to stay awake by murmuring questions about the planet, but they became nonsensical and slurred the more she tried to speak. Crosshair wasn’t even halfway through his retelling when Omega had slumped into him fully and her breathing had evened out. Crosshair trailed off, and after a moment of consideration, wrapped both arms around her, securing her against him. He smiled softly at the tiny snores emitting from the girl. She really was Hunter’s kid, they had matching snore tones and everything.

Realistically, he should deposit her back onto her bedroll and go to his own bunk, but he couldn’t bring himself to put down the precious cargo in his arms. Instead, he shuffled down the wall, did a quick prayer for his neck in the morning, and dropped his head onto her mop of golden hair - letting his own eyes slide closed. 

The soft glow of the fairylights and steady weight of Omega against him soothed Crosshair into a deep sleep, his dreams circling around the memory of a frozen lake. He was with his brothers on the ice, but this time, Omega was with them, her laughter intertwining with theirs and sounding out across the cold planet. 

Unbeknownst to the sniper, he smiled in his sleep.

[jasperhaleobsessed]

Mending What's been Broken

Summary: Edward and Bella have a different conversation after New Moon than in canon.

Notes: I know you all have probably been waiting for this chapter and now here it is! I still have some planning to do with this story. I’ve planned the story up to chapter 6 which for me is amazing cause usually I’m not the best at planner! And if anyone has ideas or things they want to see I’ll definitely consider it and would love to hear what you all think! And as always constructive criticism is welcome! 

Characters: Edward Cullen, Alice Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, Esme Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale, Emmett Cullen, and Bella Swan

Warnings: Talk of depression.

Bella’s POV

I took a deep breath as I stepped inside the Cullen household. I knew one thing for sure this was not going to be an easy or pleasant conversation. I’m not even sure if I want to have this conversation. Yes I want answers but it is still going to be difficult to talk about…my depression. I was greeted by Carlisle as he led me to the living room.

“Welcome Bella, it’s good to see you.” Esme greeted me warmly.

“It’s good to see you too!” I say back.

“Why don’t you go first Bella.” Carlisle prompted.

I agreed. “Alright, that sounds like a good idea.” I took a seat by Alice on the couch.

I took a shaky breath in and said, “I felt like there was a hole in my chest because when you left me to ‘protect me’ instead of protecting me you broke me and you did it in the worst way possible.”

“Bella!” Edward

“Sit down!” Emmett exclaimed he pushed him back down into his seat.

“No! You don’t get to speak! You listen!” I yelled. I took a deep breath and composed myself. I continued to say, “I understand your intentions were pure but you still hurt me and it doesn’t change the fact you left me. I felt so hollow, so incomplete without you all I needed was you.” Tears streamed down my face as I uttered those words. I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself but I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my face. Alice rubbed my back comfortingly. And I hugged her tightly. “It’s okay Bella.” She whispered.

Carlisle kneeled down and said, “I think that's enough for today.”

“Yeah.” I mumbled.

“Why don’t I make you some tea?” Esme asked thoughtfully.

“Yeah I’d like that, Thank You Esme.”

“You're welcome dear.” I gave her a weak smile.

Emmett was watching Edward carefully as kneeled at my side and whispered, “I’m so sorry Bella. I truly am. I hope one day you can forgive me. I know this is breaking the rules but…” He cupped my face and whipped away my tears. “It’s okay.” I gave him a weak smile. I continued to say, “I forgive this is…just hard to talk about.”

“Shh. Don’t worry, it's okay, you can take your time, we'll talk more about this later.” I nodded. I felt exhausted after crying my eyes out. I rubbed my eyes tiredly.

Rosalie elbowed Emmett, signaling him for something. “Huh?” he asked. “Oh right! Bella I wanted to apologize for leaving . We all want to apologize for letting Edward persuade us. We shouldn’t have listened.” Emmett really was the best big brother I could ask for.

“I really shouldn’t have listened to him, he can be a bit of an idiot sometimes.” Alice joked. I couldn’t help but giggle so did Emmett he bursted out laughing and Rosalie chuckled.

“Hey I’m right here!” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“I thought when I tried to attack you we should leave because I felt guilty that I almost tried to eat you.” He looked incredibly guilty. I didn’t want him to feel this way. To feel like this was all his fault. It wasn’t.

“Jasper it isn't your fault! I was never angry so there’s nothing to forgive.” I said sincerely.

Esme came back into the living room with a cup of tea. “Thank You Esme!”

“Your welcome Bella.” She said warmly.

“Bella?” She asked. I took a sip of my tea and looked up at her, “Yes?” Carlisle took Esme’s hand, “Carlisle and I would like to formally apologize to you.” She started, Carlisle continued “You did not deserve this. And we are sincerely sorry for all the pain our family has caused you.” I smiled at the pair, “You all have nothing to apologize for”

Rosalie spoke up, "You sure about that because I believe I have a lot to apologize for. We can talk more later but first I’m sorry for telling Edward about you if I hadn’t he wouldn’t have tried to kill himself.”

“Rosalie, it's okay! I forgive you, don't worry. I forgive you all. Please you all don’t have to do this.”

“Yes we do.” They all say unison.

“You are family, of course we are.” Carlisle said sincerely. My heart swelled. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this happy. I smiled at them and tears sprung in my eyes.

To Be Continued…

[astralartworks]

ceilings

inspired song

pairing: Joel miller x fem!reader.

warnings: angst, mention of depression, i think that’s it.

A/n:  hiiii! i wanted you to know that this is the first thing that i write on this, sooo maybe it's not that good, but i will try my best to improve, it's a little short for the same reason that is my first, but the next ones are going to be longer, also English is not my first language, so if you see any writing mistake let me know:)

The ceiling looked worse than yesterday, dark spots were everywhere, you knew that at any moment a piece would fall off, but there were more important things to worry about. Every time you wake up, your nightmares start with that ceiling. As soon as you open your eyes, it's the first thing you see, and it's the last thing you want to see. That simple ceiling represents so much - fears, shattered dreams, loss, depression, anxiety, fear.

Your muscles ache from the constant struggle to survive in the quarantine zone. It's a living hell, but it's the only thing keeping you alive. Your peace is interrupted by the constant knocking on your door. You groan and get up, tripping over your scattered shoes and old alcohol bottles you used to numb the pain. The door creaks open, and you see Joel, with a worried look on his face. 

"What the hell are you still doing here?" He walks in without asking and pushes you aside.

"I think I should be asking the same thing" he doesn't take long to look at your room and silently judge.

You creep closer to him, taking in the sight of the cuts on his face. Some are shallow, but others look pretty deep. Your fingers itch to reach out and touch his cheek, but you're too confused to make a move. Instead, you give him a puzzled look and sneakily check out the rest of his body for any other injuries. 

"Who did this to you?" Joel runs his finger across his eyebrow in an anxious manner with his gaze fixed on the door behind you without making eye contact.

"You don't need to know, we have to get out of here as soon as possible” A chuckle escapes your lips, while you look at him in disbelief. “Grab your things”.

"You enter my house without permission, you have blows all over your face, and you order me to take everything and go, who the hell do you think you are" without looking at him, you make your way to your bed being careful with the things that are on the floor while you lie down in the same position you were before Joel bothered you, letting out a sight.

"What are you doing? Get up right now, we don't have time" Joel approaches you, his hand grabbing your wrist as he puts pressure on it, yet not hurting you.

"Joel, back off I need to rest, and I can't do it if you're standing in the middle of my room looking at me" you shake your hand, but it doesn't work for him to let go.

"You think this is a fucking game, I can't explain right now, but you have to trust me" His desperate look runs across your face for something you can't figure out.

"To be honest I don’t, so I'm having a hard time here" you tiredly look at him, you know Joel wouldn't lie to you, but you're mentally exhausted that the thought of escaping from the quarantine zone sounds too good to be true.

 "I know you're tired, believe me we all are, but I need you to get all the energy you have right now and get up" delicately grasping your face, but putting pressure so that you don't avoid his gaze.

You look at him for a moment, studying his features closely. You've never seen him like this before, and the way he's looking at you is making you uneasy. He seems desperate, but the intensity in his gaze is overwhelming, and you're not sure how to react to it. 

"Alright, I'll grab my things, and we'll go" you say, standing up. As you move to grab your backpack, Joel's hand that was on your face slowly slides down your arm. It's subtle, but you notice how his fingers trace your skin as they reach your hand. He doesn't grab it, just lightly brushes his fingertips against your knuckles. 

You pretend not to have noticed his touch, and try to shake off the feeling it left behind. You quickly separate from him, making your way to the corner where your backpack was. Throwing in a couple of clothes you had set aside for emergencies, his gaze following your every move. 

"I think that's all" you turned around making sure everything it’s fine    "Looks like it's going to rain, if we don't want to get caught in it, we should get going." 

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Joel asks, glazing at his watch when he looks up, hoping you'll remember.

You look at him confused. He approaches the small wooden piece of furniture next to your bed, opens one of its drawers, and takes out the blade you've kept for so long. You reach for it with a small smile, remembering where it came from.

"I can't believe I almost forgot" you say, tucking the blade into your backpack.

“I can’t believe it either” he whispers as he studies your features.

it feels like time stands still as he looks at you. You can't quite put your finger on what it is about his gaze that catches you, but there's something there. You notice how he relaxes when he's around you, and how he unconsciously reaches out to touch when he has the opportunity, it doesn’t matter if it just a light touch, it's always there. But you know that no matter how many times you try to get closer to him, he always pushes you, never letting you into his mind, emotions, thoughts, worries, nothing, never gives anything. You figured it a long time ago, that is why now you distance yourself more and more from him, for your good and his.

"Let's keep moving" your voice sounds rough, you gently touch where you had the blade before and move back towards the door. You sense him following close behind. He is always close, but not close enough to be yours.

[faetaiity]

Can I leave a request? If your not doing requests that fine, you can do this later. Or not at all.

~

Rottmnt, Reader, (specifically, male pls) who has problems with being happy, or being content with himself. Where sometimes reader doesn't leave his house because of it, and the turtles check on him once in a while.

Donatello, checks on him and reader is crying on the floor, donnie isn't good with emotions and he stands there shocked and scared. Reader notice and apologies for acting like a child.

Donnie stays a little longer then usually and talks with reader about it.

Do your own twist with it if you'd like.

Have a good day !

I relate to this a lot as someone with Major Depressive Disorder (aka Clinical Depression) Holy fUCK- This is gonna be very much a self-indulgent post. This might not follow the ask 100% and I'm sorry /gen Can be taken as Romantic or Platonic.

Rise! Donatello x Male! Depressed! Reader

Post Format: 90% Story and 10% HCs

CW/TW: Crying, Mentions of a lack of self-care/hygiene, Depression-related issues, Implications(?) of Self-hatred/Low Self-esteem

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Turtles in general are very caring friends, often checking up on you, Casey, April and Cassandra.

However, you are checked up on more, due to your sudden and out of the blue behavior at times.

Usually, all four check up on you, but sometimes it's just one or two

You can't really tell who you see the most, if someone comes alone to visit you, chances are you'll see the others separate or together in a few hours.

~~~~♡♡♡♡~~~~

It's been a day or two since you've last met with the turtles, you miss them a lot but can't handle the idea of talking to them, at some point Mikey or Raph will ask you what was wrong, and you stress over the idea of being honest with them about it.

You've managed to skate by on telling them not to worry about it, but you have a feeling it won't work this time, so you (stupidly) prolong the inevitable and dreadful conversation about your emotions and issues.

Sighing, you make your way to your bathroom with a bundle of clothes in your hands, hoping the hygienic care would uplift your mood, it's worked a few times before, why not try it again now? and even if it doesn't, at least you've showered once since this depressive episode hit.

(Time-skip bc I actually kinda spaced out while writing and forgot that I would have to talk/have details abt reader showering, which is rlly weird, sorry abt that lmao)

You make your way to your bed, hair dripping wet, but you couldn't care less. You just want to cry, the shower didn't help as much as you hoped and now, you're just cold, tired, and sad.

Flopping onto your bed, you feel tears roll down your face, a rare moment as it's difficult for you to actually cry, but you try to let it happen, to not internalize your emotional turmoil like your therapist said, the feeling of tears rolling down your face was unfamiliar and odd, but not unwelcome.

Hearing the knock on your bedroom window about a minute or two after you began crying was deeply unsettling, you'd rather die than have Raph or gods forbid Dr. Feelings, enter and see you sobbing.

The knocking ceased after a few minutes, you've continued crying but not at the loud and fast pace you were at before the knocks began. You wait a couple seconds, sniffling and panting quietly as you try to hear if they've walked away or not, flinching when you hear the lock fiddle and unlatch, giving you the hint that the Turtle entering is Donnie, as you've only seen him lockpick doors and windows.

You hear the window open and see him slowly enter your bedroom, he looks around before spotting you on the bed, he stares at you for a while, seemingly unnerved by the tears streaming down your face, after several seconds or so of staring, he slowly and cautiously makes his way over to you, he stops by your legs and sits on the floor, his battle shell up against your bed.

You stare at him tiredly; you've stopped crying by this point, as you have always felt self-conscious about crying around other people, seeing yourself as an ugly crier.

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes, he looks at the floor, his facial expression giving away his confusion, he's raking through his mind trying to figure out a way to comfort someone he deeply cares about before-

"I'm sorry" you croak out, throat sore from crying, he stares at you incredulously.

"For what?"

"Crying, I know that makes you uncomfortable, I won't blame you if you leave, just don't tell Mikey or Raph, okay? If you feel like you have to send someone, send Leo... please." you mumble, feeling awkward and ashamed about this whole situation.

He looks at you sadly, getting up from his seated position on the floor, you assume he's about to leave, but he slowly gets on the bed, his knees near your stomach as he awkwardly attempts to hug you, you freeze for a moment, knowing how touch adverse he can be at times, before timidly hugging him back, making sure not to touch certain areas that make him uncomfortable.

"You don't have to hug me, I know it makes you-" "It's fine, I wouldn't hug you if I didn't want to." he interrupted, you don't protest after he said that, you two stay like this for a bit before he lets go, he sits up and sighs, hoping that his words comfort you.

"I really care about you, Y/N, I'm sorry I don't visit as much as my brothers, and I'm sorry I came off as cold when I first came over, I just.... Don't know how to approach these things, I'm not the best at words but if you want to talk about it, I'll gladly listen."

You look at him for a few seconds, unsure of if you could even talk about it, but ultimately, you nod.

~~~~♡♡♡♡~~~~

After that incident, he's visited you more often, even when you're doing just fine.

He never spoke about your issues to his brothers, and so far, he plans to never speak about it with them until you're comfortable.

It's difficult for both of you, especially if you're also autistic and/or have alexithymia, but with effort from both of you, you made it work.

He's trying his best and you appreciate/love him for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Augh, sorry that the end is more open to interpretation, I wanted people to be able to put their own issues and problems there

Sorry I've been gone for a hot minute; shit's been happening and I'm just.... tired, emotionally and physically

Hopefully I can finish another ask within the next week or so, I already have the idea lined out for one.