#he's KIDDING...

[atechalk]

mono : why would somebody want to hurt six ? runaway : ... maybe because they met her ?

[fluent-in-lesbianism]

I took a 6yo boy to his placement and as soon as I got him situated in the back he saw my SpongeBob driver’s license air freshener hanging on my rearview mirror. He asked if that’s really SpongeBob’s driver’s license and I said yeah it’s real. Then he asked where I got it if SpongeBob’s underwater so I told him I wore a helmet like Sandy and stole it from SpongeBob when he slept, and without missing a beat he goes “That’s identity fraud”

[hinamie]

newest issue of first years fashion just dropped

[complete-clownery]

Okay guys

[business-as-usual-bats]

Idk if anyone else remembers, but Batman canonically carries around Bat-cookies according to the Batman/Scooby-Doo crossover.

I LOVE to think Batman carries them around as snacks for Robin. I love it even more to think he uses said cookies to bribe Robin into good behavior in a similar fashion to Scooby Snacks.

Little Dick Grayson: I don't wanna go to some stupid Gala! U can't make me!

Bruce, in desperation: would u do it for a bat-cookie?

Dick: woah! Bat-shaped! Cool!

Bruce: andddd you can have another one after the party

Dick, mouth full of cookie: okay :)

Bruce, internally: thank fuck a parenting hack that works

Batman: stop! Don't kill him!

Red Hood: and why do I give a fuck what you-

Batman: would u spare his life for a Bat-cookie?

Red Hood:

Red Hood: I'm not a kid anymore-

Batman: they're fresh, look, still warm

Red Hood: ...

Red Hood: this works ONCE. This ONE time. Gimme that damn cookie.

Batman: of course

Red Hood: Fuck I've missed these what the hell does Alfred put in em

Bruce: go to sleep, Tim

Tim: I'm almost done-

Bruce: go to sleep now and you can have a bat-cookie

Tim: a what?

Bruce: a bat-cookie. See? Here, first taste is free. Try it.

Tim: bribery? Really?

Bruce: positive reinforcement

Tim: giving me treats like I'm some kind of dog?

Bruce: try it and then we'll debate the ethics

Tim [eats cookie]:

Tim:

Tim: okay

Bruce: Okay?

Tim: if I promise to sleep a full 8 hours I want two more and a glass of milk

Bruce: u drive a hard bargain but I accept

Dick: aw, c'mon, Damian. One picture. For me, to remember your first day of high school. Do it for a bat-cookie?

Damian: -tt- I've heard of these so-called "bat-cookies" Insulting. I am not a child. I refuse to participate in such an asinine tradition.

Dick: shame. Alfred made animal-friendly ones so you can share with Ace and Batcow. I guess they don't get any treats either, then

Damian: well

Damian: since it would please you so very much, I will overlook this patronizing lapse in judgment

Damian [tries one bite of cookie]:

Damian:

Damian: given Batcows higher food intake requirements, I will require at least a dozen.

Damian [takes another bite]: perhaps two dozen

Duke: you agree I did a good job today?

Bruce: yes? I suppose. Earlier, when you stopped that-

Duke: shut it. Don't care. Cookie me.

Bruce: excuse me?

Duke: I know about the cookies, old man. You've been holding out on me. The cat's out of the bag. I did a good job, I get a cookie. That's how it works, right?

Bruce: uh well

Bruce: that was a long time ago

Bruce: i had to discontinue that method after-

Duke: are you saying I'm not a valid member of this family because I was never Robin?

Bruce: of course you are! But I don't have any on me-

Duke: don't. Lie. To. Me.

Bruce: Okay! Okay. You're right, I'm sorry. Here, take it. Just... do me a favor, and don't go announcing to the whole cave you got-

Duke: YES. MY FIRST BAT-COOKIE! SCORE!

Every batmember in the vicinity: BAT-COOKIES ARE BACK????

Bruce: NO! stay back! Stay back you animals! Alfred! Alfred! It's happening again-

Alfred, sighing: I'll preheat the oven, sir

[markwateneymemorialcrater]

Please note. The orange one is not included because A. He isn’t a billionaire. And B. Calling him obnoxious is too kind for him.

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

Can you imagine if the reason why Damian thought Bruce would be taller is because of Jason Built-like-a-tank Todd...

Damian is this kid training in the league and one day sees this absolute monster of a man just walking around.

Two hundred twenty-something pounds of muscle, a towering six feet AND some... Damian is used to having to look up to see people in the eyes. This guy could be crouching down, and they still wouldn't be at eye level.

Like mathematically, pythagorically, Damian has to be at 2 ft of distance or Jason is not seeing his ass. His mother says "He's still got some growing up to do" and Damian is like "More??!"

And well, if that tree in disguise was Robin, then naturally Batman must be like at least a head taller. Right?

Cut to show day, Damian has this image of Todd in his mind, distorted by time and the perception of a kid. And he's comparing that to Bruce, genuinely confused, like "Where's the rest of ya?".

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

the thing about Professor Utonium is he didn't accidentally create 3 daughters, he purposely created 3 daughters who accidentally have superpowers. the sugar, spice, and everything nice was intentional, only Chemical X was an accident

this guy became a girl dad on purpose and I am so proud of him for achieving his dream!

[iloveacaibowls111]

𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⊹

18+ MDNI, light smut

dilf!toji leans in the doorway, towel around his neck, fresh out the shower and completely forgetting whatever the hell he came in here for the second he sees you kneeling on the rug, brushing out megumi's messy little bedhead with this patience he swears only you’re capable of. 

“hold still, baby,” you say, soft and low, one hand steady until his chin, the other working the brush through the knots. 

megumi mumbles something under his breath. you laugh, kiss the top of his head, and keep brushing. 

and toji? toji is going feral watching you look after megumi with such care and love. it makes him want to marry you all over again and knock you up over and over again. 

the robe you’re wearing slips a little as you lean forward - allowing a peek of you thigh, the curve of your breast. you don’t even notice.

but toji does. 

oh, he fucking does.

suddenly, he is overwhelmed with an urge to give you more. more mornings like this. more little heads to brush. more of himself, permanently. 

you tuck megumi’s hair behind his ear and send him off to the kitchen with a “go pick out your cereal, i’ll be right there in a minute.”

the second he’s gone, you stand to follow - but don’t even make it a step before toji’s on you. 

his hand firmly grips your hips, pressing your chest tightly against his solid front. he leans down so his lips lightly grazes your neck, voice already rough.

“you tryin’ to kill me, doll?”

you blink at him, caught off guard. “what?”

he huffs a laugh against your skin, low and hot. 

“you. bein’ all soft with him like that. wearin’ this.” his hands slips under your robe, fingers brushing the inside of your thigh.

“you know what that does to me?”

“i was just brushing his hair, toji.” you laugh. you could feel him press up against you, hot and bothered.

“nah,” he mutters, leaving wet kisses along your jaw. “you were bein’ a fuckin’ dream. my wife. takin’ care of our boy like you were made for it.”

before you can say anything, he’s lifting you - big hands gripping the backs of your thighs, robe falling open as he walks you toward the bed. 

“you already gave me one perfect kid,” he says, setting you down and dragging his palm over your stomach like he’s picturing it full again. “you keep actin’ like that, i’m puttin’ another one in you.”

you let out a tiny whimper as toji slowly begins to grind onto you. the hard outline of his cock through his sweatpants pushing just the perfect amount of pressure onto you. his hands are now shamelessly groping your breasts while he marks up your neck.

“toji - megumi’s in the kitchen -“

“he’s got cereal. he’ll be fine. 

and right on cue:

“mom! dad! where’s the milk?! i’m hungry!”

toji groans against your skin, his hips flush against yours, jaw clenched like it physically pains him to stop.

he presses a soft kiss against your temple, a contrast to his rough voice at your ear:

“don’t move a fuckin’ inch. soon as he’s fed, i’m finishing what i started.” 

part two here

[chloesimaginationthings]

Poppy playtime got a guy worse than William Afton

[ciil]

he is touching vik’s lil mole above his lip :3

[glitter-stained]

Random goon: Hey boss, were you the one to pick that name as an alias? And why this one?

Red Hood : I used to have another name, before... A long time ago. But that person is dead now. I get to choose for myself now, they can't take that from me. I won't let them.

Goon: Huh.

***

Random Goon: Say boss, why do you never take off your shirt in front of us?

Red Hood: Well uh, I actually have that really fucked scar on my chest and I'm not comfortable with...

Random Goon: Don't worry boss, we get it, you don't have to explain yourself to us.

***

Red Hood, high on some toxin: God, I wish my family...

Random Goon (on boss-sitting duty): why not try reaching out to them?

Red Hood: They would never accept me as I am now... They wouldn't agree with my so-called "life choices". Besides, they don't miss me, they miss the person they think I used to be... I wasn't even a man when I last saw them.

Random Goon: Damn boss, that sucks.

***

And then the goons throw the Red Hood a party on trans visibility day and Jason is so confused he straight up cries.

[harumscarumcos]

tbh I do not think that Vander is beating the “Claggor is his biological son” allegations

[prlssprfctn]

I actually need some fanfic, where Bruce and Jason are in the middle of some argument, and a casual (and a well-practiced with Dick before) sentence leaves his mouth, something along the lines "How old do you think you are?!", meaning that he is acting childishly. And because Jason is irritated, and his tongue runs loose in his anger, he screams back that he is nineteen, and Bruce just freezes, because... Oh. Jason is nineteen. He is a fucking kid - his kid - that lost years of his teenhood, and was forced back without anyone giving him a space to catch up, with everyone else already treating him like an adult... When he isn't.

[wishfulsketching]

I have finally finished season 2 of Arcane and can now enjoy your art without fear!!! They should be happy together 🥺

I take it "they" means zaundads because that is what I've been drawing the most BUT, lets be honest, applies to like 98% of the characters in the show.

They should've been a big happy familyyyy

[ghosted-jazz]

Doey's 2/3 angsty traumatized teen, I think he'd love MCR