#heaven forbid i want to get my feelings out in a healthy way!

[jade-len]

guys, guys.

be honest with me. would anybody be willing to read any SVSSS x reader stuff (or, just SVSSS with reader fanfics in general?) like please i'm being so deadass right now. i am very willing to write, it's just that i have no clue if anyone would want to read that???

i know that the people in this fandom don't necessarily have any x or & readers, but i'm sad and pathetic and have a weird emotional attachment to the characters. like hear me out guys.

i present to you all a few ideas i have:

1. reader transmigrates into SVSSS and decides, fuck it, let's become a counselor/therapist/emotional support service pal. half of the conflicts in the novel would've been prevented if therapy, communication, and simple observation existed! mu qingfan, give me a chance!! i promise this will lower the qi deviation rates by at least 50%.

liu qingge? alright, let's work on learning identifying your feelings better and not respond via violence to every situation. shen jiu? hey, hey, it's okay to be vulnerable! no- please don't go self projecting yourself onto an innocent 14 year old. luo binghe? *pulls out 5 different documents* heavens, where do we even start? like, gods forbid any of them have a proper support system, or at least be able to express their feelings and deal with them in a healthy manner!

2. liu qingge x reader where he gradually stops painfully pining and gets the love that he deserves. he gets his pretty face cupped gently and kisses all over it. that's it. that's the fic idea.

3. bingge, the original luo binghe, gets sent back in time.. all the way back to right when his mother died. he believes that he's been given a chance to re-enact his revenge, play it smart all the way from the start and have an upper hand now that he has to relive this! however, that quickly changes when this random fucking person (aka, reader) just wont stop bothering him?? what the hell do they want??? (for this one, i'm not sure if reader should be a transmigrator who believes they're in SVSSS instead of PIDW and is unaware of the whole bingge thing, or just some npc that proves him wrong about kindness).

4. SVSSS hater (or someone who just has a very complicated relationship with it!) reader transmigrates into it after tweeting "stupid author, stupid novels". they then proceed to accidentally collect two husbands they were so actively against before. ugh! now that i'm here, i guess i'll try to help out with their relationship and give my advice so that they won't have so much conflict, ones that were super frustrating to even hear about!! shen qingqiu, that dense ass guy and unhealthily codependent luo binghe! wait, what? what do you mean they both want me to be part of their marriage now??

sincerely, very much inspired by this tweet (reader most likely isn't going to be an anti, though);

low-key might combine the first and fourth fanfic idea? will make reader gender neutral (or even male!) though. but overall idk. idk if people will even wanna see that at all, man. ok please give thoughts. or not lol

(10-11-23 edit: i'm currently writing the bingge one rn!)

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

The Bar

Dick looked over as a familiar face loomed over his table. Tall and built, one would think he was he bouncer instead of the bartender if it weren’t for towel around his neck.

It was hard to ignore the almost disappointed look Danny sent his way each night.

It was reminiscent of Alfred in a way, so sad. It made Dick grimace as he downed his last shot.

“You know, you only got one liver in there Dick? As much as I love the amount of dollars you throw my way, this isn’t healthy.”

“Real subtle, Danzzo.. real subtle. Can I get a refill?”

Danny threw down his towel.

“No.”

“No?”

“Dick.. it a quarter till four.. the bar closed down like three hours ago.”

Dick glanced at the clock on the wall, the hands danced as he tried to read the time to the point that he had to give up before his head split.

“Shit.. I guess it is. Sorry about that man I must’ve dosed for a bit.”

Danny sighed as he sat down beside him.

Uh oh, time for the weekly spiel.

“Richard.. look at me. I’m worried here, and this is coming from a guy who’s whole job is to feed people’s addictions. This is getting out of hand.. you’re getting out of hand. How often do we have this talk? How often do I have to stay up just so I can be sure that you are at least sober enough that I can send you home without worrying that the next time I hear about you is on an obituary?”

Danny sighed as he pulled at his hair,

“This used to be a once or twice a month thing man! You would come in, drink and shoot the shit about work and the family. I know ever since the.. accident. Life has been hard to process. Heaven forbid anyone who has to go through that.”

“let me grieve in fucking peace..”

“THIS ISN’T GRIEVING! This is drowning out your emotions so that you don’t have to feel and one of these days you’re not going to get back up and I-”

Danny took a second to center himself and Dick almost felt sad when he did.

Sometimes it felt like Danny was the only person who gave a shit anymore.

Dick scoffed at the thought as he fiddled with the empty shot, he tried to not let the guilt set in.

It was always this same song and dance. Yet Danny didn’t even have the nerve to say it to his face.

“I’m just saying that Jason wouldn’t want you to join him so soon man. “

Danny’s eyes finally left that place that they always seemed to focus on over his shoulder before he pinned Dick with a look of pity.

“Trust me, I would probably know more than you think..”

[klausysworld]

can you write some headcanons on klaus being dominant in the relationship

Dominant Klaus Head Cannons:

Klaus is naturally dominant, he’s controlling and confident with what he does, when he does it.

In relationships he shows his dominance through proving he keeps you safe and secure.

He appreciates you willingness when it comes to submission, sexual and not. In basically all situations he has the control and he had you where he wants you.

Klaus keeps a hand on you at all times, often the small of your back or sometimes your hand if he feels he should keep a better hold on you. He especially enjoys when he finds you clinging onto his jacket or his sleeve, he’ll wrap his arm around you tightly keeping you pressed against him.

He makes sure you’re happy and well taken care of.

Often he’ll personally make your food, he can’t risk it being cooked wrong, heaven forbid you get sick he could never watch you suffer, besides he was better than some silly human, he is to care for you, not them.

Often he will even dress you himself, picking your outfit and helping you put it on. He enjoys the way you blush as he ties your shoelaces and places a soft kiss to your knee.

He often will feel the need to help you wash aswell, sponge or loofa in hand as he gently scrubs your body, hands lathering your hair in the best shampoo and conditioner going. He engulfs you with a warm fluffy towel thats been waiting patiently on the radiator and carries you over to the dresser.

Brushing gently through your hair, spritzing it with detangling spray as he applies a rich mousse to keep your hair healthy and soft.

His dominance also shines through when he’s jealous too.

He’ll have a tight grip on you, often keeping you firmly against his chest or in his lap if you’re sat. Eyes dark as he watched any other living thing have their eyes on you for a second too long.

Of course he understood how they could lust over you, he himself does so constantly but seeing another person looking at what was his as though they stood a chance?

He had to keep you nice and close, get his scent on you one way or another. Often one of his necklaces would be around your neck “i know diamonds are worth more but this holds sentimental value, will you wear it for me my heart?”

Little love bites are awarded to your neck making sure you know and everyone else knows who you belong to.

Not that you really need reminding.

He’s often making sure you know your place, he can’t have you straying away can he?

Often he has you held beneath him, hand round your delicate throat while the entire bed rocks, demanding you keep your legs still and spread for him. He makes sure you know how to behave for him, ask before doing things and most importantly learn to beg for him.

He very much appreciates when you’re all dressed up for him spreading you thighs and whimpering your please for him to touch you, telling him how much you want to make him happy, how good he makes you feel.

Often you’re on your hands and knees or simply with your ass raised for your love to have you. His wolf craves this position, the idea of ‘mounting’ you howling through his mind. You’ve made sure you’re never too quiet, he loves your sounds and has taught you not to shy away from how you feel.

He’s even managed to get you seeking him out, tugging at his shirt while he’s mid conversation “what is it my love?” He asked softly blocking you from anyone else’s view “i need” you would whisper almost too quiet for him to hear but he always did. His eyes storming over as he nodded and pulled you closer “of course, you hang on two seconds, I’ll wrap this up” and he does, he wouldn’t dare leave you unsatisfied.

War would be put on hold to care for your needs.

[nalpurex]

i got souyo brainworms again and i gotta share some thoughts i have

this ones a long one so ill put a 'keep reading' thing here just in case yall dont wanna scroll past a wall of text

basically some headcanons about a healthy mix of chad narukami and normal yu, injecting loads of gap moe into this guy

(and it eventually devolves into some weird semi-story because my brains really spiralling here)

okok so, hear me out, chad narukami isnt that bad as an idea...? maybe as a more calm iteration, just another layer to yu

in the p4 manga, we get to see some of yu's backstory. (its been a while since ive read it so i might get some details wrong but) his parents are very busy people, always working and moving around, so yu's always moving around with them

because of this, hes a very independent but also lonely kid. poor guy doesnt talk much with his own mom and dad, and he never really have a good enough chance to form lasting friendships

so when he moves to inaba and starts making friends there, hes like 'oh i really want to keep these guys around...' so he starts putting up a bit of a persona (hah), some cool, unfazed guy that everyone can rely on thinking thats what people might like more. to his credit, it works pretty well, but its a bit stifling for yu himself. hes never had this many friends though, so he'll keep it up

we all know yosuke admires him quite a fair bit as is, just as a dependable friend and a strong leader. he looks up to yu in these aspects, thinking hes basically the perfect guy. (and lets never unpack that thought.) talented, charming, 'gets all the ladies', that kind of stuff

at some point its just the two of them, maybe walking home from school or something, yu gets pretty comfortable and his facade slips a little. maybe he says something completely silly, or heavens forbid theres a stray cat along the road! ("awww look at the little guy, cmeree, pspsps- oh- ahem- uh, its pretty cute...") it surprises yosuke quite a bit. he's thinking about it a lot as they part ways, it was... definitely a new side to his partner, but its also not a bad thing...

after that, yosuke starts noticing more small things about yu. whenever he invites anyone to share his lunch, its always something they like. whenever the IT are talking, he makes sure no one feels left out. he likes cats, a lot more than hes willing to show, and he loves nanako a whole lot too. his partner's... a bit of a softie under that calm and collected vibe, isnt he?

(alternatively, it'd be really funny if the entire IT knew? like "yeah, hes got a straight face all the time and sparkles fly around him whenever he strikes a pose, but hes got a dedicated schedule for hanging out with us and hes always asking when we're free. hes a big puppy, really.")

anyways, yosuke tries to encourage him to show more of this other side of him. stuff like "c'mon, we'll think you're cool either way!" and yu at first is a little hesitant, so yosuke suggests he just try it out with him

he feels some pride about it, because hes the first to learn about this side of yu! his partner trusts him the most, hes the most comfortable around him! (whats this strange other feeling? hm. dont like that.)

yu takes a little more time with the others, but theyre very welcoming about it nonetheless. specifically, they find it very charming! (making cute shapes in your bento? sewing cute stuffed toys with kanji? playing with literally every single stray cat you lay your eyes on? hell yeag.)

of course the facade doesnt completely shatter, because some parts of it are still true to yu. its just that he'll now crack the dumbest joke youve heard in your life with the same old straight face

(aaand now to derail for the sappy stuff huhuhu)

because yosuke's usually the first to be exposed to whatever new shenanigans yu's up to, eventually he starts getting some... weirder things. he brings some of it up to the other IT members and he looks insane, like:

"what? he hasnt been giving you guys origami?"

"why would he? i mean itd be cool, but thats just his part-time job isnt it? hes probably sick of paper cranes!"

"cranes... haha, yeah..." (as he thinks about the row of stupid paper animals sitting on his windowsill)

yu over time starts getting real sweet with yosuke, and he kind of gets the feeling he should just... keep this to himself...? especially when he doesnt see him acting this way with anyone else, and a small part of him wants to keep it to himself. all of this, just for him.

but that would be kind of gay, wouldnt it? hes not gay, is he...? he gets pretty happy whenever yu smiles at him, whenever he does something for him, but its just because he appreciates him as his partner... right?

eventually it all comes to a head when yu invites him to that... that spot high up in inaba. (ykno the one, its got the railing and shit.)

yosuke's climbing the hill, wondering whats yu gonna tell him, and at the top he sees him already waiting there as the sun's about to set on a nice breezy day

he kinda jokes a bit about it, like "damn did you ask me to come here now for the atmosphere?" but yu's strangely quiet

so they kinda just stand in a bit of an awkward silence before yu clears his throat... and confesses to yosuke.

...

they just. stare at each other for a bit. yosuke's at a loss, heat slowly rising in his cheeks, because what the hell?

and then yu explodes into a flustered mess, bumbling about "hey yeah man you dont have to accept if you dont wanna, i was just saying things yknow? you dont really have to-"

yosuke cuts him off, sighing a little. he tells him its okay, hes kinda had a feeling he felt the same way but he wasnt ready yet... and now his partner's confessing to his face, he cant really put it off anymore, can he?

("by the way, did you plan this? like, the timing and everything?"

"i... had a hard enough time saying 'i like you' with a straight face as it was, i kind of had to..."

"... ah.")

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Utsukushii Kare S2E1 thoughts

I’ve never watched a BL that was still on the air, unless it was almost finished when I started. I just hate waiting between episodes, especially in a genre where episodes are often super short. But I can’t wait four weeks to see Utsukushii Kare season two (anyway, I’d get so many spoilers on here, it would be useless). I’ve also never posted about a BL episode by episode, since I never watched one that way. But I’m going to try doing it this time.

There is such a marked difference between season 2 and season 1. Season 1 was so packed with voice-over narration, but didn’t have that much dialogue. There’s still quite a bit of voice-over stuff in season 2 but the dialogue has increased by leaps and bounds. Since I was fascinated by the ways in which Hira’s and Kiyoi’s weirdnesses interacted with one another in the first season, all of this direct interaction gave me so much more to work with in my conceptualization of the characters. Not to mention so much more being communicated nonverbally.

There’s a sense in which the viewer gets to have their cake and eat it too with season 2, and that is that in many respects we get to enjoy Hira and Kiyoi finally being together, but they’re also still struggling with a lot of the same issues they did in season 1, so that engine that drove the story is still in operation. So far, if this season was a fanfic, it would be labeled as both “angst” and “fluff.” And fluffy angst is really enjoyable! From another angle, this combination is the worst of both worlds. Every sweet moment between these characters is suspended from this tenuous thread of their relationship. Both of them fear losing that relationship so intensely, despite the other wanting so badly to hold on, but it’s that very insecurity that threatens it the most. And it’s always in the background, undercutting all of cute stuff that would feel like rank fan service otherwise (heaven forbid!).

There were a few particular highlights for me.

1) Kiyoi’s new habit of giving Hira a significant look while opening his mouth, which is Hira’s cue to feed him. The fact that this happened on two different occasions in just one short episode? What a weird combination of demanding and endearing.

2) The scene where Kiyoi walks in on Hira being hit on by a girl. I particularly enjoyed this as a kabedon appreciator. She backs him into a door with one arm out in a very kabedon-like way (she doesn’t whack it, though), and then when Kiyoi arrives he does a full kabedon on Hira out of jealousy (but without the usual confession and/or kiss). There’s also an interesting role reversal happening here. And it’s a great illustration of how naive and dense Hira really is.

3) The exchange about “doing it.” This, to me, is a really good illustration of the lovable weirdness of these characters. Well, lovable to some of us. I expect that some people might find it off-putting or icky. It’s definitely not entirely healthy. It seems like the way things go in this scene is typical for them. Basically, intimacy happens when Kiyoi decides it will, and it’s just assumed that of course Hira will be down for it. It isn’t even presented as a question, more as an announcement: “we’re going to do it today.” Which isn’t the best consent practice ever, but it seemingly works because apparently (in a way that’s very consistent for the character), Hira really is always interested in “doing it” with Kiyoi. The fact that this only happens when Kiyoi chooses is also very consistent with his guardedness. But a more surprising aspect is Kiyoi’s shyness. He’s tentative, even bashful here. Not that he was ever portrayed as particularly assertive sexually, far from it, but he’s so assertive, even domineering, in other areas of his life, particularly with Hira, that this almost demure quality is really striking. In the end it seems these two deeply weird people have come up with a system that basically works for them and, particularly after all of the pining in season 1, it’s kind of adorable seeing them navigate it.

4) The acknowledgement that Hira is actually pretty attractive. One jarring thing about season 1 is that it’s often treated as a foregone conclusion that Hira is repulsive (possibly because we spend so much time inside his head) but Hagiwara Riku is, of course, quite nice-looking (even with Hira’s unflattering hairdo). It also doesn’t add up that Kiyoi would be so attracted to Hira if he was really as unappealing as he thinks. So it was nice to have that acknowledged and played around with in an interesting way.

Second seasons of BLs are inherently risky. And it’s still rather early to assume this one will avoid the potential risks. But so far I think it shows a lot of potential to be as worthwhile as the first season. Honestly, I could imagine liking it even more. I guess we’ll see.

[alextheavoidant]

Things the covert narcissist did/said to me: Projection #1

"You are selfish and make everything about yourself."

Let me tell you something. It is quite a slap in the face to dedicate years to someone else's mental health and well being. Sacrificing hours and hours and hours of your time, energy and emotion that you could have spent on other things or with other people. Begging someone to get help, giving them advice, trying to educate them the best you can on what you know about mental health, and sharing your own struggles and vulnerabilities in the process. Only to be told you are selfish and make everything all about yourself.

And what did I do to deserve this accusation? Well, it's quite a doozy. Are you ready?

I started taking care of myself.

Yup. That's it. That is my cardinal sin.

I started working out. Eating better. Started a skin care routine. I even quit smoking. And made the mistake of sharing all this with someone whom I thought I could celebrate my success with. Boy was I wrong.

It seemed this person thought I was getting just a little too big for my britches. A little too confident. Too self assured. Too individuated. And as we know, that's a big problem for a narcissist who wants to have control over someone. So of course, they had to knock me down a peg. It was not their choice - but their duty - to keep me humble. Keep me down. Keep me controllable. So that I don't make the catastrophic mistake of thinking that I, of all people, got to be an independent person who got to make their own choices in life. Or, heaven forbid, actually feel good about myself.

But it wasn't just that I was selfish. This person decided that this newfound selfishness translated to more than just the audacity to care enough about myself to take care of my physical body. No, of course, there were dire consequences to this incredibly self centered decision of mine.

But the narc can't say the truth, and admit that the real reason their mad is because I haven't been paying quite as much attention to them. Not picking up the phone as much, responding to their texts as much or validating how hard their life is during every conversation we have. No, that would require them to admit that I have the power to bruise their fragile ego. And I can't be that important, because my job is to be insignificant.

So, instead of admitting the truth, what did they do? They attacked the one thing they know would get a rise out of me. My parenting and my child.

So, according to this person, because I have been working out, and talking about the fact that I have been working out, that obviously means that I have completely given up on parenting. That I "don't care" about my child. I "don't do anything good". "Don't provide" for my child. That I am "not a parent" and "shouldn't have her ". That because I work out, and work out so much, that my child is being neglected, and being neglected so severely that she is now autistic.

Yes, you read that right. I am not even kidding. This narcissist actually made the insinuation that my taking care of my body has resulted in my child suddenly developing autism.

Do I even need to say it? Pretty sure it's common knowledge that... well, that's just not how autism works. I mean, perhaps it is possible if the neglect is severe and the child is very young. But my child is well into their teens and, of course, not being neglected in any way. But apparently, this person was so stupid - or thought I was so stupid - that this would be an effective way of manipulating me. And sadly, at some point, I was broken down enough that maybe it would have. But not anymore.

This person even threatened to call the state on me and have my kid taken away...

All because.

I started.

Working.

Out.

So, in a nutshell, their intention was to make me feel like me being healthy = the end of the fucking world.

Honestly, if that's not abuse, I donno what is.

.......

That's all for today. Cheers.

[myloveforhergoeson]

look even after not showing up to the party, his weird possessiveness and shit impersonal apologies, every time he comes up im still like hehe dakkk <3 tucks some hair behind my ear. also whats the deal with him creeping around the palm woods? is it that he doesnt wanna get caught by paparazzi or mobbed by fans like in the pop tiger saga? if thats the case, and may be why he avoided the party, he seriously needs to communicate this to roxy goddammit !!! <- shaking dak by the shoulders

and ! why is he, successful movie star generally agreed by the public to be the heartthrob of the month, so threatened by essentially a bunch of nobodies?!?!? dak pull yourself together man!!!!

i know this dak relationship will eventually lead nowhere, but i just want roxy to be happyyyy to have one positive experience with him without him being all weird about her friends. i get youre laying the groundwork that dak isnt The One but aghhh im so frustrated for roxy!! love the fact that she stood her ground and didnt take his shit !

ajbkajbjksbvr i feel the same way about this version of him loll that's why he's so much of a character in tasw :)) he's literally zac efron for crying out loud what am i supposed to do??? not have him be involved with my wonderful, special, perfect oc??? as a plot device to help continue my slow burn???? and idk i thought she had a really positive experience with him when they first met and on their first date...

in due time we will learn about his strange habits and feelings, hang in there anon... it's not for nothing i promise!

im truly about to go full literary analysis mode on my story for you because roxy and dak's relationship is so important to me and all the things i've built up in my head that aren't evident in the story because roxy is bad at dealing with her emotions (as we know, she loves to push aside her own when it gets too much to bear... i just love to use "she pushed the thought out of her mind" as a scene turning point and then it turned into a fact about her on her silly character trait list🙄) and because some things will be present we haven't got there in the plot yet

please find my thoughts under the cut... there are lots and i cannot wait to further incorporate it into my writing once this ball really gets rolling

first off, roxy has never been in a relationship before, which is something she is pretty insecure about, especially as someone who primarily deals in writing love songs. while this isn't really an issue now, seeing as she's currently on the path to one, we haven't really seen this as something that bothers her. because of this, she really doesn't know how a healthy one works outside of the romance books she reads and rom-coms she loves. in those, everything just happens organically, the two people involved work though everything together and it looks completely effortless. she sees this with her friends as well, kendall and jo almost immediately fell for each other, and now all jo is waiting for is for them to make it official that they're together. she doesn't have to deal with strange teen jealousy or the guy she likes standing her up. camille and logan, while still working though their own thing, at their core gravitate to each other. from the way they interact, talk about each other, whatever, roxy knows that they'll find their way to each other eventually. because of this, she's terrified to bring up her own troubles - partly because it's embarrassing and partly because she doesn't want to be a bother about it to people who "so clearly" get it. if she can't bring up her worries to her best friends, she sure as hell isn't gonna bring it up to dak... and heaven forbid she brings it up to the guys because at this point, they all hate him.

perhaps... this will make roxy realize some things shes looking for in a partner... and perhaps... it will give her an image of what its like to date a famous person...

second off, dak is there to establish her type LMAOOO. we know he's pretty, we know james is pretty, all the posters in her room are of pretty people, and once we learn more about mag, we will learn he is pretty. roxy loves a pretty, pretty, PRETTY person! she's like a crow attracted to shiny things. this is also a byproduct of the books, movies, and other media she regularly consumes. she was supposed to love boy bands and not come out a changed woman? okay...

third off, for someone who thinks she's so in tune with her emotions because she's a songwriter she sure is freaking oblivious to those of the people around her. not only that, she's built some pretty solid schemas of her friends and their pasts based on very little information, considering they don't share all that much since they know literally everything about each other. so MAYBE if someone just TOLD HER many chapters ago that they FELT some type of WAY for her she might not even be in this situation to begin with... if only there were a major turning point in their lives that was about to occur that would not only bring them closer together, but would also let their journey occur for many months throughout the united states without any internet access so they have to like actually talk and hang out and do things unrelated to work and the palm woods... hmmm

anyway... dak and roxy's relationship is important and not just because i wanted to write a long story. thanks for reading :) i love to talk and talk and talk

[carolineasweet-blog]

Sometimes I feel like my heart might burst. Often I feel it is bursting - with emotions, with anxiety, definitely a heart attack. 

I think about being a woman and what that means. When I was growing up, it meant that I had ‘big, wild emotions that can’t be contained and are not suited to work in business.’

That makes me angry. 

Mostly because I believed it. 

When I was cheated on by my first boyfriend in high school, I remember thinking “How cool would it be if I forgave him?” and I did. Mostly because I had already fallen out of love with him, if I actually ever was, so I didn’t care. When my second boyfriend cheated on me, I was devastated, inconsolable, but I showed it to no one because how lame would it be to be a weak woman hurt by a cheating man? Stereotypical. Weak. 

So I swallowed it. I swallowed every emotion - sadness, anger, pain. It’s so unbecoming of a woman to be angry, right? And it’s so expected to be sad - cry over a man and eat ice cream. Instead, I ate myself. I silently suffered all the while becoming cool. 

Sometimes, I still don’t know if I actually like things or if I like the aesthetics of it. 

The truth is, I have big emotions, wild ones. 

“Stop whining,” I can hear my parents and siblings say in my head. “Caroline, you’re whining again!” I thought I was expressing myself, but they must be right. 

A therapist recently told me I had “right-sized reactions” to situations. I thought so! I shared that with my sister and her husband. “That therapist really knows her audience,” my sister said as her husband laughed. “So you think I’m overdramatic,” I wanted to say. But I ate it instead.

Being overdramatic is so unbecoming of a woman, don’t you think?

But I feel like my heart is going to burst. Almost daily. I might have a heart attack if I eat anymore. 

I was poisoned by a health food company in June of last year. It sounds insane, but I don’t know a simpler way to put it. A frozen smoothie and health foods delivery company unveiled a new, whole food, vegan protein substitute. I tried it and ended up in the ER twice with what they said was fatty liver disease - insanely high liver enzyme levels. 

“Did you used to be obese? Are you an alcoholic?” Neither is true, but when I said it must be the food product I ate, the (male) doctor said, “not likely.” 

It was. 

And I’m angry. 

After my body healed (two full months later), I wanted to go back to normal - to pretend it never happened. It’s easy once the physical symptoms are gone. I can walk without getting winded, even workout, and my stomach doesn’t cramp, I don’t have the brain fog - so I am healed, right? People would ask me about it, and I would think “how silly, it’s over!” 

But it wasn’t. A month ago, I had to face the fact that I am still, secretly, angry...At the fucking company that refuses to admit any wrongdoing or pay my thousands of dollars in medical bills.... at myself because I’m anxious over every single fucking piece of food I eat, and any time I feel tired or have a slight stomach ache, I am riddled with anxiety that it could be something worse... and at the world because it’s told me if I eat healthy, I will be healthy and that I need fixing, and that I am not thin enough and that and that and that and that... The anger runs deep in my body and in my mind, but heaven forbid out loud.

I’m afraid people will roll their eyes if I tell them I am still upset, that it still affects me, the way they rolled their eyes when I was still physically sick. I’m making much too big a deal out of it. 

It’s a wonder of the 500+ people who’ve been afflicted, it’s mostly women in their late 20s/30s, some social influencers at that, and there’s a lack of follow up or interest in the case. Never read the comments, right, but tough to when the schadenfreude of internet trolls is all over this with “LOL influencers” (women). And worse yet, when my response is, ‘but some of us are normal people too!’ Yuck. Internalized that right up. 

It’s a wonder that of the 500+ people who’ve been afflicted, the two loudest voices on the internet forums are men. One, a husband of a victim and two, a marathon runner who’s lived his life absolutely perfectly and purely, so how could this happen to him? How could this happen, indeed, Tim. 

I’ve never run a marathon. I don’t intend to. And I don’t always make healthy choices, but here I am too. And don’t I deserve to be angry?

I don’t want to eat anymore. Poisoned food or otherwise. I don’t want to swallow these big emotions. 

It’s no wonder I wanted to become an actor. Big emotions are heralded; It’s a safe space to be irrational. Hell, I’d win an academy award for it. Those fictional women are safe, tucked away in movies and studied as characters. Big, angry, loud, respected, safe. I want to be safe too. Until then, I’ll be perfect. 

[pollutions]

.

[yandere-vale]

Yandere Aurore Beauréal/Stormy Weather. (Aged-up)

Warning: Normal Yandere stuff we’ve talk about before yadda yadda. 

Yandere Aurore  Beauréal (Aged-up)

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine! You make me happy! When skies are grey! So don't cry my little sunshine! I'll never let anyone take you away!"

Aurore is very good at hiding her feelings for you. And why wouldn't she? Aurore doesn't want you to know before the right time. Only lamenting about it when she's sure she's alone. It's not her fault that she's like this anyways.

She can't really put a name to it, but she knows it's your fault. How genuine you smiled when you greeted her in the morning. How friendly you were to not just her, but everyone else as well. The warmth in her chest always made all her worried thoughts fade into nothing. But what she didn't like was all those other people taking up your time. Why do you even bother with them when you have someone who's perfect for you?

Aurore is an Obsessive yandere mixed in with traits of the Delusional type. She's obsessive by having pictures of you which she's taken and plastered all over her room. They are all a mix up of photos but never ones close enough where you'd notice.

Aurore is delusional in that she already believes you two are perfect for each other. "You are my shining sun that warms my heart Y/N!" No one will be able to tell her otherwise unless they want Aurore to yell at them. She would never lay her hands on another person so she'll use her words to belittle and scold them. This is after a long time since it takes alot to get Aurore's anger to boil over to that point. It all depends on if they are making fun of you or getting too close to where Aurore is becoming uncomfortable seeing the two of you together. "Stop wasting y/n's time with your stupid nonsense! They are only nice to you out of being polite so bother someone else!"

She slips into your friend group pretty easily, having learned as much about you as she can have the same likes and dislikes as you. She's also the type to buy you gifts related to your interests. She doesn't want to have to buy your love with money since it makes her feel disingenuous when spending time with you if she it's because she's spending money. She wants you to spend time with her because you like her. You have no idea how excited this girl gets when she sees a text message from you.

She wants you to like her and you need to understand something about Aurore going forward. She NEEDS you to love her. Aurore doesn't care if you use your words or even body language, she just needs you to express that you care about her and that you aren't ignoring her. For the most part, she knows that you love her and that you don't NEED to voice it, but it would be lovely if you did.

Her yandere traits only surface if you don't return her feelings and brush her off. If you don't then she'll be the sweetest of girlfriends for you. It's what you deserve and what she needs in her life. Like this she has little issue with those people 'hanging around you'. She's alright with it, because she knows you love her. You do love her. It's only if you don't that it becomes a problem. But not for Aurore..

Yandere Stormy Weather. (Aged-up)

"Our upcoming forcast is a never-ending showering of my love!"

Stormy Weather is everything that Aurore wishes she could be when it comes to her daily life and more so when it comes to you. Allowing herself to express her true feelings more leaves all those who stand between you and her frozen with fear. Far more rude, loud, and aggressive; Stormy doesn't allow anyone to hold her back.

You are hers and it's about time you just figure that out already. Where Aurore was careful never to let her emotions take control of her, Stormy lets them out in the form of her powers. Normally just sending arcs of lightning from the tip of her umbrella is enough to get those rats to back off. But if they aren't smart enough to get the picture then freezing them into blocks of ice will do the trick. Now if they only committed a light offence then she'll let them off easy with a soft shock or just freezing their legs to the ground for a few hours. However if anyone so much as dares to touch you, or heaven forbids tries to take you away from her. Then they are dead. No second chances for anyone who's foolish enough to touch what belongs to Stormy Weather.

Stormy will kidnap you, rather quickly at that. As Aurore would never have the courage to do so, Stormy cares way less about things like that. Who in their right mind would try and take you from her? You belong to her. And you do belong to her. She needs you to understand that just as much as others do. Now she'd only use her powers on you in extreme situations like you trying to leave her. But she isn't against locking you in a room while leaving your limbs frozen in ice. If the cold and soreness of them doesn't make you realise how stupid you've been then she'll just have to keep you like that longer now won't she? "WHY is it so HARD for you to love me back! Just say those damn words and I wouldn't have to do this to you! WHY don't you just behave!"

Unlike Aurore she doesn't have time for your tears and will just leave you alone when you get all emotional like that. You can only cry and scream for so long anyways. She'll just wait them out. As much as she hates having to do this, it's something she can't avoid. Like trying to tame a feral kitten, she knows it just takes a little time before you warm up to her.

If you wish for any sort of freedom or at least having Stormy be a little nicer to you then you'll do well to follow along with the guidelines she has for you. That or develop Stockholm syndrome quickly, or maybe just like her back? She doesn't ask for much, just your love, time, energy, body..alright she's asking for everything but can you blame her? She just wants you to love her. Is that really hard?

Stormy will threaten the lives of those you care about with her powers. Friends and family are on the table when it comes to her dealing out her punishments. And she'll inform you of who gets to take your place for your punishments if you don't behave.

In all truth, Aurore is capable of having a normal and healthy relationship with you as long as you return her love. A cute and happy girl to have by your side. Just don't let her anger boil for too long as she won't be sorry for what happens in the aftermath. As long as you love her, the skies will always be sunny for you. As long as you love her.

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

Insecure Thicc!Reader

Pairings: BNHA Boys x reader

Warnings: Some spicy bits, but not too crazy, a little crude, kinda implied fem! in some bits, but you can just skip over those points if ya want

Characters: Bakugou, Kirishima, Dabi

Author’s Note:

Hello! This is the first time I’ve written for Dabi so I hope his turned out ok! As a thicc girl myself, I kinda poured my heart out a bit for this request. I hope you enjoy these little headcanons (I kinda went crazy oop—)!

If you’re feeling insecure, remember that you’re beautiful, no matter what other people say! I’m still on my own journey of self-love, but I hope that this can bring a bit of comfort to anyone who is anywhere on that road.

I know that it says Mirio, but I don't write for him so I contacted the requester and they swapped him out for Dabi.

I love you guys! Hope you like it!

-Sugar

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Bakugou:

My mans Bakugou

He can appreciate some nice booty

I'm just going to jump straight to cuddling here because that's what I feel like doing

In public, Bakugou isn't all that affectionate

I am by no means saying he wouldn't gladly flaunt your relationship and yell about how wonderful and attractive his s/o is, but for the most part he likes to keep it between you two

But during down time, when there's nothing to do and all evening to do it, he wants you in his lap

SNUGGLING

He a stronk boi, you're sitting on his lap whether you like it or not

You are his human teddy bear, and you're going to have a hard time getting him to let you go

He wants to touch you all over and let his hands sink into your soft, plush body

Cheeks? Perfect for kissing and squeezing between his fingers

Your chest? He likes to hold you in his hands and test the weight of your boobs. They're so nice and soft and squeezable

Tummy? Bakugou's all over giving you soft, slow kisses over your skin, sucking a little into his mouth and between his teeth to nibble on

Thighs? He's touching on them constantly. If ever he's feeling possessive over you, his hands are going to fly to your legs and give them a solid squeeze to remind you you're his

Butt? Like I said, he loves it. He likes smacking it at every opportunity. Watching the resulting jiggle is the most satisfying and enticing thing to him

He likes to hold you at night, either his hands firmly clasping those lower cheeks or simply having it pressed into him. As much as he can get, he'll take

…

Now, if he ever catches you saying something bad about yourself, you're done for

You say it when you're home alone together? He's going to prove to you how beautiful and valuable you are through any methods he can think of

Lecture consisting mostly of him yelling about how much he loves you? Check

Tackling you in an aggressive hug and pinning you to the bed only to point out and gently kiss everything you dislike about yourself, telling you how much he loves it? Check

There's another thing I could mention he'd do, but my mom might read this, so I don't want to get into it, buuutt you can fill it in yourself 👀—

Say something bad out in public? He's going to give you a death glare and pull you aside as soon as he can to tell you to stop

If someone makes a nasty comment about you, they got a big storm comin

Let's just say that, after an extensive apology from the person, you probably won't see them again for weeks

Bakugou knows how to get to people

…

Katsuki doesn't care about what you look like, as long as you're happy and healthy

He values how you carry yourself and how you treat him. Something as superfluous as appearance isn’t on his mind when choosing and loving a partner

He's a good person to vent to as well. It may not seem like he’s listening sometimes, but he his. His insight is truly outstanding. There's something about him where, when he wants to, he always knows the right thing to say

13/10 loves you just the way you are and knows you're beautiful. Would not hesitate bitch to throw hands to anyone who says otherwise

____________

Kirishima:

Idk if this is me just self projecting onto him or whatever, but high key I think Kirishima could have a thing for thicc people

Nothing against our skinny queens and kings! He'd love you either way

But like, I can 100% see it

So he honestly gets kinda offended when he realizes you're insecure about your body

He understands why you feel this way—he's not blind to the fact that you're a little bigger than some other people

What really gets him is why you put so much pressure on yourself to look a certain way. To him, you're the most beautiful wonderful person in his world. Why would you be so negative towards yourself?

He knows how it feels to be insecure, especially with appearance

If you want to change yourself, he's 100% supportive. Mans is literally the most perfect gym buddy and would love to be by your side on your journey of self improvement

If you're not interested in changing your appearance, whether it be simply just for now or even never, guess what? He's 100% supportive!

I've seen this everywhere, and if you're also a regular in this niche of fanfic, I'm sure you have too, but Kiri is the biggest hype man

New outfit? He's all over telling you how good you look. Flaunt it, babes!

New makeup look? Amazing! Beautiful!

Did something different with your hair? Yesyesyesyesyes

And he's completely genuine in his praise as well. It's not manly to be fake about your thoughts and beliefs, and he knows for a fact that you're beautiful, just the way you are. Confidence goes perfectly with any look!

…

When it comes to cuddling, he's all over you

He'll respect it if you're uncomfortable being touched in some places, but what he wants most is to be as handsy with you as possible

He just wants to run his hands over every surface of your body. Nothing suggestive about it (unless you're in the mood! 😉), he just wants to feel you

Boob pillow? That's all his. It's like there's one magnet in your chest and another in the side of his head. They're just so soft and plush and squishy?? To die for! Even if your chest is comparatively small, he's still on you. You can't stop him

When his head isn't planted on your chest, it's settled on your belly. He likes the warmth against his cheek and finds every aspect of it cute

Rolls? Adorable! Stretch marks? Beautiful! Hair? Pretty!

11/10 you're getting tummy kithes and little teasing tickles every night you spend together

He loves your thighs. Being a little grabby with them is totally his thing

Yet another place to leave kisses. Maybe even love bites too `O.O`

Great place for him to take little naps. Literally I cannot stress enough how comfortable he finds you, immersed in your scent, cheek comfortably resting on the tops of your legs, your fingers carding through his soft red hair. You are literally Heaven on Earth to him

Insecure about your arms? He loves them. They lead to you, and give him the best cuddles and hugs ever in the whole wide world. He'll kiss them all the way up and down until you admit they're not so bad

That goes for everything though. If he catches you talking bad about yourself or your body, he will tackle you and start kissing you all over until you admit how beautiful you are

KISSES ON YOUR CHEEKS. CHUBBY CHEEKS ARE VERY ADORABLE AND COMPLETELY FREE KISSING REAL ESTATE

He won't hesitate to carry you around or let you sit on his lap. He's a hero (or even just training to be a hero). He's super strong and manly, and besides, what else are those muscles for? Punching bad guys? Nah, he's more interested in holding his favorite person in the world (oop, that's you!)

Doesn't matter how heavy you are (I'm also talking to all yee who are 200lbs+. I see you. He's got you), he can pick you up. Carrying around his s/o is 100% mandatory and you can't say no (well, I mean, you can but like, only if you truly mean it)

Any days you feel down on yourself, he can be a little more serious

He's a great listener and will hear every word you have to say without interrupting, even though a part of him wants to interject any time you may try to call yourself ugly or unattractive

Once you've vented everything out, he'll pull you into his arms and let you settle on his lap. Then he'll give you the hype/pep talk you need

Anything you don't like about yourself, he'll go on a whole rant about how much he loves it. It's not a flaw, it's just a part of who you are. And because it's a part of you, Kirishima is going to love it, no matter how much resentment you may feel towards it

He's a big hugger, so he wants to have you as close to him as he can. It helps him feel like he's making you feel better

…

Heaven forbid someone tries to give you trouble for how you look

He won't react as explosively as Bakugou, but they still better be praying

Kirishima's going to give them a good long talk about treating others with respect and being manly. He's not leaving until they apologize

All in all, Kirishima will forever love you for who you are. He doesn't care about your body shape or size. As long as you're healthy and happy and being your best self, he's going to be all for you

____________

Dabi:

So this guy is not having ya insecure BS

He doesn't see any problem with the way you look

He really grows to like your body even more than he expected over the course of the relationship

He likes how much more of you he has to grab and kiss and smack (affectionately)

He's pretty open with PDA

He likes grabbing your ass where everyone can see and giving you a nice squeeze just to let you and everyone else know you're his

He's into making out with you behind the bar, just waiting for someone to walk in on you

Dabi isn't big on being soft in public, but behind closed doors, you'd find him giving softer kisses and lighter touches

Initially isn't big on cuddling but opens up to it more as he finds how soft and huggable you are

You can bet you're sitting on his lap whenever you can, whether it's alone together in your room or even during a meeting; this man has no shame (not that he should be)

When you open up to him about your insecurities, he'll be a little upset

He sees nothing wrong with you at all, so why is your body something to be upset over? If anything, he's more attracted to you like this

He has a bit of a hard time finding himself attractive due to his burns (he's so wrong tho), so in that sense, he can somewhat understand

Decides to make a bit of a pact with you to stop being so insecure about yourselves and making a big deal out of appearances

You both love each other for who you are, and that's what's important

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Taglist: @a-happy-otter @basicaegyo @iiminibattlehero @katsugay @nabo39 @pyrofanatic @sendhelpimstupid @sokkasangel​ @xoxopam4

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Best-Friends In Love

Disclaimer: Some angst, some fluff, mininal swear words,

Ever since JJ and Will seperated, JJ had managed to finally realise why they had done so.

It had taken two years after they broke up, and after they had Henry, to realise who she truely love. But better later than never, right?

Maybe that was why it hurt so much, returning after Emily’s fake death, only to be given the cold shoulder by Spencer.

Truthfully, she had loved him ever since he joined. She just didn’t know it. They had become instant best friends, she was the only one to give him a nickname (other than Morgan). And when he got kidnapped...if anything had happened to him, she couldn’t even fathom the idea.

Spencer had always had something inside of him that wished he could have a life with JJ.

From the school boy crush he had on her when he first met her, to the odd feeling of heartbreak that over took him when he found out about JJ and Will.

But, either way, he was happy for her. That she had found someone she wanted to start a life with, even if it wasn’t him.

Only, after the couple’s break-up, this opened a door. For both of them.

For JJ and Will, it wasn’t messy. They had just...fallen out of love. They would always have a friendship - and a healthy one - for the sake of their son. But nothing would ever grow from it again.

By the two years was close to three, Will had finally found someone he could marry and grow old with. Only, this left JJ wondering something.

If Will could find someone and tell them how he felt, why couldn’t she? She had someone she loved dearly, someone she had loved since the beginning...just taking a while to fully accept it and realise it.

So, as she sat at her desk, she began to ponder all these questions, failing to notice Rossi make his way over.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“What? Oh, no. It’s okay.”

Looking to JJ’s desk, Rossi spotted the invitation in her hands.

“He’s getting married?” Rossi asked, a small smile.

JJ leaned back in her chair and let out a small sigh, trying to hide her face with her hand.

“Yeah,” she smiled. “After we broke up, we always said we’d be there for one another, and for Henry.”

“Are you gonna go?” Rossi asked.

“Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Rossi studied JJ for a few moments before realising what was really going on.

“You could just ask him, you know? I’ve seen you two together. So had Hotch. You deserve to be happy, JJ. You both do.”

It didn’t take a genius to realise who Rossi was now talking about.

“That obvious?”

“Clearly not to you two.” Rossi joked, gaining a small laugh from JJ.

“I - I don’t know. It’s just...Spence. He’s my best friend, and has been since I first joined the team. What if something goes wrong? I don’t want to lose him. An - And I - I couldn’t do that to Henry. Or him.”

“JJ. I have been married three times.” Rossi told her. “I know a bit about that side if something goes wrong. But one thing I can tell you is that if anyone is ever gonna love you more, care for you and understand you more. It’s Spencer. He loves you. Even if the genius kid is still unsure. Universal things that can’t be explained by science have never been his strong suit. But god forbid if anything happened to you, I know he would move heaven and earth to find you and bring you back home, safe and well.”

JJ just smiled, a couple of tears welling in her eyes.

“Thank you, Rossi.”

“Anytime, kiddo.” Rossi replied. “And go, just remember to ask for a date.”

With a wink, Rossi stood up and walked away and towards Hotch’s office.

However, as JJ began thinking about the invitation, fate stepped in and a few seconds later, Spencer landed beside her desk, two cups of coffee in tow.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

Spencer studied her for a moment before sitting on her desk, just like Rossi had done.

“Hey, you okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah. It’s just...Will’s getting married and he’s sent me an invite.”

“You gonna go?”

“Maybe.”

“You need a date?” Spencer asked her.

“You offering?”

Reid shrugged.

So, taking the opportunity at hand, JJ nodded. “Thank you, Spence.”

“Anytime,” he smiled.

The pair held eye contact for a short moment, feeling something warm in the pit of their stomachs, only to be interupted by Garcia who came rushing over.

“I’ve finally found it!”

“Found what, Garcia?”

Garcia began with a wide smile, looking between the two agents. “Okay, so, do you remember when I told you about my neighbour’s kid, and how he fell off his bike on his sixth birthday and got rushed into the ER and it was a whole bloody ordeal with stones and gravel and everything that could possibly hurt if you fell off a bike. So, anyway, his uncle works as a big fancy space engineer and I know how much Henry is in love with space and wanting to be an astonaut when he grows up. So, after a long time of flirting with yours truely, I have found the perfect spot for Henry to have his fifth birthday.” Garcia continued on after taking a breath. “They’re doing this grand opening at a new space centre for kids about forty mintues away. Apparently it’s the best place to see the stars at night. It gives the clearest view, but anywho, I’ve asked if they have any openings for a cute five year old’s birthday and they do, so, yay!”

“How long have you been planning this?” JJ asked.

“Only a month or so, but I do think Henry will really enjoy it. So, what do you say?”

JJ smiled, “I think it’s perfect. Henry will love it. Thank you, Penelope.”

Garcia gave a bright and wide smile. “All in a day’s work of Super Aunt! The bestest Aunt in all of space and time!”

Ever since JJ and Will seperated, JJ had managed to finally realise why they had done so. 

It had taken two years after they broke up, and after they had Henry, to realise who she truely love. But better later than never, right?

Maybe that was why it hurt so much, returning after Emily’s fake death, only to be given the cold shoulder by Spencer. 

Truthfully, she had loved him ever since he joined. She just didn’t know it. They had become instant best friends, she was the only one to give him a nickname (other than Morgan). And when he got kidnapped...if anything had happened to him, she couldn’t even fathom the idea. 

Spencer had always had something inside of him that wished he could have a life with JJ. 

From the school boy crush he had on her when he first met her, to the odd feeling of heartbreak that over took him when he found out about JJ and Will. 

But, either way, he was happy for her. That she had found someone she wanted to start a life with, even if it wasn’t him. 

Only, after the couple’s break-up, this opened a door. For both of them. 

For JJ and Will, it wasn’t messy. They had just...fallen out of love. They would always have a friendship - and a healthy one - for the sake of their son. But nothing would ever grow from it again. 

By the two years was close to three, Will had finally found someone he could marry and grow old with. Only, this left JJ wondering something. 

If Will could find someone and tell them how he felt, why couldn’t she? She had someone she loved dearly, someone she had loved since the beginning...just taking a while to fully accept it and realise it. 

So, as she sat at her desk, she began to ponder all these questions, failing to notice Rossi make his way over. 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“What? Oh, no. It’s okay.”

Looking to JJ’s desk, Rossi spotted the invitation in her hands. 

“He’s getting married?” Rossi asked, a small smile. 

JJ leaned back in her chair and let out a small sigh, trying to hide her face with her hand. 

“Yeah,” she smiled. “After we broke up, we always said we’d be there for one another, and for Henry.”

“Are you gonna go?” Rossi asked. 

“Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Rossi studied JJ for a few moments before realising what was really going on. 

“You could just ask him, you know? I’ve seen you two together. So had Hotch. You deserve to be happy, JJ. You both do.”

It didn’t take a genius to realise who Rossi was now talking about. 

“That obvious?”

“Clearly not to you two.” Rossi joked, gaining a small laugh from JJ. 

“I - I don’t know. It’s just...Spence. He’s my best friend, and has been since I first joined the team. What if something goes wrong? I don’t want to lose him. An - And I - I couldn’t do that to Henry. Or him.”

“JJ. I have been married three times.” Rossi told her. “I know a bit about that side if something goes wrong. But one thing I can tell you is that if anyone is ever gonna love you more, care for you and understand you more. It’s Spencer. He loves you. Even if the genius kid is still unsure. Universal things that can’t be explained by science have never been his strong suit. But god forbid if anything happened to you, I know he would move heaven and earth to find you and bring you back home, safe and well.”

JJ just smiled, a couple of tears welling in her eyes. 

“Thank you, Rossi.”

“Anytime, kiddo.” Rossi replied. “And go, just remember to ask for a date.”

With a wink, Rossi stood up and walked away and towards Hotch’s office. 

However, as JJ began thinking about the invitation, fate stepped in and a few seconds later, Spencer landed beside her desk, two cups of coffee in tow. 

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

Spencer studied her for a moment before sitting on her desk, just like Rossi had done. 

“Hey, you okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah. It’s just...Will’s getting married and he’s sent me an invite.”

“You gonna go?”

“Maybe.”

“You need a date?” Spencer asked her. 

“You offering?”

Reid shrugged. 

So, taking the opportunity at hand, JJ nodded. “Thank you, Spence.”

“Anytime,” he smiled. 

The pair held eye contact for a short moment, feeling something warm in the pit of their stomachs, only to be interupted by Garcia who came rushing over. 

“I’ve finally found it!”

“Found what, Garcia?”

Garcia began with a wide smile, looking between the two agents. “Okay, so, do you remember when I told you about my neighbour’s kid, and how he fell off his bike on his sixth birthday and got rushed into the ER and it was a whole bloody ordeal with stones and gravel and everything that could possibly hurt if you fell off a bike. So, anyway, his uncle works as a big fancy space engineer and I know how much Henry is in love with space and wanting to be an astonaut when he grows up. So, after a long time of flirting with yours truely, I have found the perfect spot for Henry to have his fifth birthday.” Garcia continued on after taking a breath. “They’re doing this grand opening at a new space centre for kids about forty mintues away. Apparently it’s the best place to see the stars at night. It gives the clearest view, but anywho, I’ve asked if they have any openings for a cute five year old’s birthday and they do, so, yay!”

“How long have you been planning this?” JJ asked. 

“Only a month or so, but I do think Henry will really enjoy it. So, what do you say?”

JJ smiled, “I think it’s perfect. Henry will love it. Thank you, Penelope.”

Garcia gave a bright and wide smile. “All in a day’s work of Super Aunt! The bestest Aunt in all of space and time!”

- - - -

By the time Will's wedding to his new bride, Dayna, came around, JJ couldn't believe just a month ago she had been sat at her desk having just been handed the invite.

Henry had stayed with Dayna's sister at the hotel that night in order to get ready with the rest of the children who had been included in the wedding.

This mean JJ had the house to herself for the rest of the evening and the next day, allowing her to get ready in peace - not that Henry wasn't a calm kid.

It was a spring wedding, taking place around 5 o'clock and into the evening due to the warmer night.

With that in mind, JJ wore a long, flowing, semi-wrap dress - the wrap coming from the illusion of the skirt. It was off the shoulder and had saje green leaves throughout it.

Perfect for a warm, spring night.

When Spencer came to pick her up, he stood on the other side of the door with an astonishing smile on his face when he saw JJ in her radient beauty.

"What? Is everything okay?"

Spencer simply smiled. "Yeah. You look beautiful."

JJ smiled. "Thanks, oh, wait. Come here."

"What?"

"Your tie's crooked."

Placing her light cardigan over her arm, she pulled Spencer closer, fixing his tie for him before fixing the collar.

"Thanks."

"Anytime." JJ smiled. "Should we get going?"

Spencer nodded, helping her down the few stairs of her front poarch before opening her side door.

By the time they arrived, both JJ and Spencer found their seats, Will giving her a small smile when he spotted her in the crowd.

As the wedding begun, JJ nearly cried seeing her son in his small grey suit with a tie and waistcoat. He was the ring-bearer.

JJ had met Dayna quite a few times over the years. Deep down, it was her who Will was with now. Dayna was a kind person, in and out, so if Henry stayed with Will, JJ knew he was safe with either of them.

Part way through the ceremony, JJ took hold of Spencer's hand, his arm going across the back of her chair.

Ever now and then, the pair would look over towards Henry, getting a small wave back.

By the end, Will and Dayna walked back down the aisle together, Henry eventually running over to his mom, beaming with pride at his job in the wedding.

"Great job, Henry!" Spencer smiled, the kid giving him a little high five.

"You are the best ring-bearer I've ever seen." JJ told him.

As time went on, eventually JJ was stood in the large doorway which led out to a small courtyard where Spencer was now entertaining multiple children with his use of magic.

However, as she did, Will came up behind her.

"Hi."

"Hey," JJ smiled. "Congrats on the wedding. It's beautiful."

"Thank you. Most of it was Day's idea." Will smiled. "Thank you for coming."

"We always promised we'd be there for each other,"

Will nodded with a knowing smile, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he looked to the ground. A few seconds later, he looked up, watching all the kids laugh and scream and the new magic trick.

"I'm guessing you finally told him." Will said.

"Hhm?"

Will smiled. "Oh, come on, JJ."

Wrapping her arms around her middle, JJ leaned back against the door frame, looking out to Spencer for a few moments.

"You still haven't told him? JJ-"

"I know. I know. It's just..."

"JJ," Will began. "You deserve to be happy."

"I am happy."

"You know what I mean." Will told her. "Just...don't wait too long."

"I'll try."

Not long after that Dayna came over, pulling her husband towards the dancefloor for another dance, the kids doing the same as they ran inside and jumped and twisted on the floor to the music.

"Hey," JJ smiled as Spencer made his way over.

"Hey," he smiled, "Can we talk?"

"Sure."

Taking a step outside, the pair walked around the court yard for a short while before eventually turning to one another.

"No, you go first." Spencer told her.

"Okay," JJ began. "You know I love you, Spence. You've been my best-friend ever since I joined the BAU and I wouldn't change that for the world. But - and I know it's going to sound selfish and you don't have to say anything back or change anything - I love you. And I like you. More than a friend, Spence. I think I have done for a while. And it's not because Will is getting married or because I'm lonely but because it's been eating at me alive for a long time. Maybe even before Will."

"JJ-"

"And I repeat, you don't have to say anything. You can completly forget I said anything and we can go on as normal and-"

"JJ, I love you, too."

"No-one ever has to know - although I think they all know and- wait. What did you say?"

"JJ, I love you, too." Spencer repeated. "I have done, for a while."

"Why didn't you say anything?" JJ asked him.

"Because our friendship meant more to me than a small crush - what I thought was a small crush anyway."

Their revelations and conversation continued for a few more mintues before finally they met in the middle, having stepped closer as they spoke.

And it was...right. Just perfect.

They had both waited a long time for something they never thought would happen.

And it was just perfect.

- - - - - - -

As midnight drew in, Henry had fallen asleep on JJ's lap as they sat in the corner of the room.

Will and Dayna had already said their goodbye's and goodnight's to JJ, Spencer and Henry.

All JJ was waiting for was for Spencer to bring the car around. And he wasn't long neither.

Spencer strapped Henry into his carseat, telling JJ to get into the passenger seat.

The whole drive back, lights passed them ever now and then from other cars, but until they finally got back into the city, they were alone.

The pair would look back at one another every now and then before turning their eyes back on the road.

Eventually, they got back home.

JJ was ready to pick Henry up but Spencer beat her to it. This wasn't unusual. Any time they had hung out before and Henry had fallen asleep in the back of the car, Spencer would carry him inside.

"You go and open the door, I'll get him."

"Thank you, Spence."

JJ did so before moving inside and getting Henry's bed ready and taking out his pj's. By the time Spencer brought him inside, locking the car behind him and closing the door, he lay him down allowing JJ to take over whilst he went to get JJ a glass of water and an asprin.

"Is he okay?"

"Fast asleep." JJ whispered before lightly taking the glass and asprin from Spencer. "Thanks."

"Will you stay?" JJ asked him as they stood in the darkness of the kitchen.

It didn't take much convincing and by two am, the pair of them were lay in bed, side by side, falling into a deep sleep.

- - - - - - -

Skipping three months ahead, JJ and Spencer couldn't have been happier.

Ever since Will's wedding, they had spent as much time together as they could. With getting their work done, too.

Everyone on the team knew they were dating, there was no doubt about that. But, even with having to file it in with HR, Hotch and the rest of the BAU couldn't have been happier for them.

Hotch had known them both for as long as he could remember. And if Gideon was still apart of the team, he'd day it himself. He was glad they were finally together.

Now, it was approaching Henry's fifth birthday and he could not have been more excited. Henry didn't know where he was going but he knew his Super Aunt had found where they were going - so that meant it was amazing!

"A little higher, higher - whoa, stop. Morgan, lift your side a little." JJ instructed as both Morgan and Spencer hung up a birthday banner.

"What time is Will bringing him?" Emily asked from the juice bar.

"Err..." JJ checked her watch. "About an hour."

"Okay, I've brought everything I could find." Garcia said as she hauled in two boxes with the help of Rossi.

"We have everything but the kitchen sink." Rossi joked.

"Thank you, all of you, for helping out."

"Don't mention it." Hotch told her. "We're all family here."

An hour later, Will arrived with Dayna and Henry - everyone jumping out to say surprise.

Soon enough, most of Henry's friends arrived and the party begun.

Kids were running around the planitaruim, space dome and constilation room, all in awe of the stars and planets they were seeing.

At three o'clock, they had a history tour of space - Henry following the guide's every movement and word.

By four o'clock, JJ and Will were stood at either end of the cake, Hotch and Morgan having lit it, and were walking to where Henry was sat on the birthday 'space rocket' chair - (An astronaut's rocket on the back).

Spencer and Penelope handed out birthday hats, JJ's mom helping Henry put his on.

Dimming down the lights, the stars inside the dome were the only things to light up the room, other than Henry's birthday candles of course.

After singing happy birthday, they all gave three cheers before Henry sqeezed his eyes shut before following Will and JJ's instruction and making a wish.

With everyone cheering and Spencer, with the help of Garcia and Morgan, keeping the children preoccupied with a few magic tricks, Will and JJ took the cake back to get cut.

"Hey, could we talk?" Will asked JJ, "Whilst there are no kids about?"

The pair stiffled a life. "Sure. What about?"

"I wanted to tell you, before somebody else does or you find out another way-"

As she began placing pieces of cake onto paper plates, JJ quickly looked over to Will.

"They've offered me a cheif detective position back in Orleans'" Will told her quickly. "A-And I've accepted the job. It's much better money than I'm on now and I can give Dayna a good life - as well as any children we could have in the future."

"And what about Henry? He's your son, too, Will."

"I know," Will told her. "I know. And we'll work something out. School holidays, flights every weekend or something. I want to be apart of his life. But this is also something that I can do to make a good life. For everyone."

Thankfully, for JJ, Penelope and Hotch made their way over, getting ready to hand out cake before it would come to the end of the party.

Only, as people began to leave, Dayna found time to pull JJ aside.

"I know Will's told you, and you know I love Henry like my own, but this is a big opportunity for him." Dayna told her. "He has an opportunity to do what he loves and the only way he can do that is to move."

"I don't mean to be rude, but this is something between Will and I. Henry is our child. Henry will see Will when it's good for him, not for you or Will. He deserves to have his dad in his life."

"Alls I'm saying is, allow Will to move on. He's married, to me now, and yes, Henry is his son, but Will deserves a life of his own, too."

"Is there a problem here?" Hotch asked, walking towards the pair of them.

"No," Dayna smiled. "Not at all. Just, think about it JJ?"

JJ didn't move, just watching her walk away before Hotch stepped in front of her view.

"Are you sure everything is okay?"

"Will's been offered a job back in New Orleans and he's accepted it. Only, he and Dayna are going to have to move there but Henry deserves to see his dad. And he deserves to see Henry."

"But you don't want to hold him back?"

"I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"Well, either way, Henry is always gonna have more than enough of a family to help him." Hotch told her.

Looking over, JJ couldn't help but smile as she saw Henry running around with Spencer, Penelope, Emily and Derek playing tag.

"Yeah, he does."

- - - - - - -

Just over two months later, Dayna and Will had moved to New Orleans and were quick to settle into their new life together.

JJ was a little pissed in the beginning because seemingly, this didn't truely include Henry. But, Will tried his best to see his son.

But this also meant there was more time for Henry to be with JJ and Spencer - and the rest of the BAU.

A few nights a week, JJ would book a babysitter - she had thought maybe a nanny would work better since they could be trustworthy and would be living close by or in the same building. But JJ's mom was not having it.

She rarely got to see her only grandson as it was, so she was more than happy to have him round. She's even joked that maybe she would just kidnap him and keep him forever because he was so cute.

Currently, Spencer and JJ were spending their date night in the BAU room, on their own, eating chinese food whilst filling in paperwork and case files.

This was a common occurance - but neither really minded. Every few weeks they would head out for the evening and have an 'actual' date - but both were usually back before 11.

"Hey, have you seen the Greenwood file?"

Quickly lifting up papers, Reid eventually found the file before handing it over to his girlfriend.

"You okay?"

JJ hummed in response. "Hhm? What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. It's been a long day - and I love you and want to make sure you're okay."

JJ smiled. "I'm fine, Spence. Honestly. I'm just tired."

"Of?"

"Everything." JJ admitted. "Sometimes I feel like I'm falling and I can't stop. Other times I question why we even do this. Even after everything- There's just always something else."

Trying to wipe the tears from her eyes, JJ quickly stood up, Spencer doing the same before pulling her into a hug.

This was another thing that made him realise he loved JJ. He was almost always fearful of touching someone due to there being more germs in a handshake than a kiss - but JJ was always the exception.

Even before they began dating.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, hey, listen to me, you don't have to apologise."

The pair stood in silence for a while, just holding on to one another.

Leaning against the table, Spencer held onto JJ a little tighter - without hurting her.

"I love you, so much."

"I love you, too." JJ told him.

Sharing a kiss - which may or may not have turned into a mini make-out session - both of their phones buzzed.

With Spencer giving a small groan and JJ sighing, they both looked to their phones.

"Sometimes I wish we could take a break."

"Why don't we?" Spencer said after a few moments of silence.

JJ seemed to think about it, too. "Henry is staying with Will for a week when school holiday's come in. I'm free."

"And Hotch had been begging me to take a few days off."

"Where would we go?"

"I don't know. Are we gonna do this?"

JJ smiled. "Yeah."

The pair shared another small kiss before JJ took a step back before Spencer could pull her back in - the pair smiling like two teenagers.

"Come on, before Rossi and Hotch come looking for us."

"Ugh, fine." Spencer joked, following JJ out of the door. "But only because I love you."

"And you're scared Garcia will begin making a photo album."

Spencer smiled, placing his arm around JJ. "Yeah, that too."

[pfreadsandwrites]

Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi​ because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It’s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush..  LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want. 

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you.  But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less.  But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.  

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Hi - firstly, I hope you’re doing good! 💕

Second, thank god you are positive towards Portwell! I’ve had to avoid the hsmtmts tag since there’s so much discourse and just generally negativity, so I love seeing you put positive hsmtmts content on my dash!

Thank you! Sorry it took me a bit to respond to this! And after writing this I'm sorry it turned into a rant/essay, but I can't help but share my thoughts.

Honestly, with what I've seen of EJ and Gina, they're so cute! I will put the disclaimer that I don't interact a ton with the fandom, but on occasion there's some good stuff I find.

I remember during the first season, the focus on Ricky and Nini was so strong and EJ and Gina seemed to stand in the way of that and that's all they were there for as far as I could tell. Understandable! The writing was so obviously pushing for Rini to be endgame, and Josh and Olivia worked great together to make that happen. As far as Caswen or Gini, I can see the appeal, but not remotely enough content for anything to be addressed in canon.

It's been a minute since I've watched the season, but I never truly understood where EJ's feelings for Nini came from other than that she was cute and talented (which, not the worst but very surface level). Gina's chemistry with Ricky was already nice and fresh. I don't blame her for catching feelings. Anyone who's gonna go after her character for that after she established such a no-nonsense personality needs to understand the nuance of it. To quote Hadestown, "she fell in spite of herself." It was easy for her to be soft for someone who seemed to just get her. Gina is the one who is under pressure to always look put together and never giving up. Ricky is literally the embodiment of *not being that* and she found charm in his ability to be that expressive. Their moments felt personal because everything else to her was forced to be impersonal. Also, heaven forbid a girl falls for a guy, it's not a sign of weakness! Even more when it's a WOC falling for a white guy.

EJ just needed to wake up to a world where he couldn't control everything perfectly and the breakup with Nini did that. He went from being a classroom globe spinning on its axis to just some guy being held to the Earth with gravity like everyone else. Fallible, embarrassing, not the first pick. He wasn't exactly the self-centered jock like many stereotypes would've had him be, but he didn't have a hard time stepping into the role of Gaston for a reason.

Ricky and Nini, despite their challenges, still chose each other, for better or worse. I don't mind that this plot still went sour because it's such a realistic thing. They really cared and made so much effort! They were flawed and in different places and they couldn't truly blame each other for not working out in the end. I thought it was such a healthy thing to depict, them admitting that they just didn't work no matter how much they forced it.

Gina's falling out with Ricky sucked. They had good potential, but you can't force someone to take anything they don't want. She offered up what she had for him and it was like he played with the food on his plate before walking away from the table without taking a bite. It's genuinely upsetting.

Gina's arc includes how all the kids at East High are her friends and becoming her found family and her insecure attachment style is slowly breaking down into a more secure one. This is the first time she's had an opportunity to stretch and breathe and I am here for seeing her go from the mean girl to a protective bestie. It's what sets up why she's so good with EJ to me. She's very good at grounding herself - only before she would put down roots in defense instead of in vulnerability.

EJ is not used to being this grounded. He flies and he's good at it (okay WE'RE SOARIN', FLYIN', THERE'S NOT A STAR IN HEA- sorry I did this to myself). He and Gina thrive in opposite territories, but are currently living in the spaces they're weakest in. The middle ground for both? Theatre. That's where they begin their relationship as acquaintances and eventually move on from there. But after the respective fallouts with Ricky and Nini, they're slowly helping each other navigate what to one is hostile territory and the other is home.

That's really the point I wanted to make here. Everything they've been through created a natural environment for them to get together and have a shot at happiness in that. Why be mad? They deserve it.

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[firelxdykatara]

bumbleby and kataang for the honest ship ask??

MONA PLEASE DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO DIE -sobs-

I already answered kataang here and was pretty thorough, but one extra thing I will say is that I absolutely hate it when the response to someone not liking kataang or thinking they shouldn't have ended up together is 'but what about Aang? he'd be so hurt!' like... so?

I mean that genuinely. So what? He was a twelve, maybe thirteen-year-old kid by the end of the series. He'd get over it and move on and be just fine if his childhood puppylove crush didn't like him back and wound up dating someone else. 'But what about the cloudbabies???' Do y'all think Katara's the only woman on the planet???? I promise you, Aang would be able to have kids with anyone else if he grew up and fell in love with someone who could bear them--and considering that Tenzin didn't look anything at all like Katara, he and his airbending kids could easily have come from Aang's relationship to literally anyone else.

But also, like, heaven forbid I focus on Katara's feelings and what she'd get out of a romantic relationship without thinking about how much that might hurt her canon boyfriend. Who cares? This ain't about him. He could easily move on and find someone else, that's not the issue here. The issue is Katara. Focus on her, please.

Bumbleby:

Ohhh boy you really wanna stick me in hot water huh kdljfghkdjfhg OK BUT LIKE. REALTALK. At the end of the day, there's just... nothing there.

I know there's meant to be, and I know it's supposed to be a big deal that Yang lost her arm protecting Blake and then Blake ran away and then Blake came back and all of that, but like... it's really not reflected in their relationship at all. They don't talk about anything they went through. They get a couple moments in v6 (but no real conversation), they get Blake promising to never leave again (which is not even remotely a healthy mindset for beginning a relationship, especially when we see the fallout of that declaration--indirectly, because of course these characters never actually talk about anything important--in v8) without ever actually discussing why she left in the first place or why Yang was so hurt by it, then they kill a man together in the v6 finale and never talk about that (and this isn't me saying he didn't deserve it, this is me saying that I don't care what kind of wretched son of a bitch someone might be, killing another human being is traumatic and will have an affect on you, and the fact that Blake and Yang never fucking talk about or work through that trauma is.... very bad), and that was it for v6.

Then in v7, aside from superficial nonsense about going out dancing instead of to a political rally bc I guess Blake doesn't really care about Faunus Rights anymore, Blake follows Yang's lead and lies to everyone about the Robyn situation which leads to even more bad shit happening when Ironwood figures out what they'd done, and then in v8 you have the most bland argument ever between Yang and Ruby and Blake seeming to be ashamed when they reunite (as if she thought Yang would be disappointed in or angry with her for.... going with one half of the group to accomplish a goal???? yeah ok sure that makes sense), and like................that's it

There's nothing else to their relationship. There really is no relationship to speak of, and the fact that the shippers have said 'bees are definitely gonna kiss this episode for sure! they're super canon and are gonna show it!' every single episode for two volumes straight now is a testament to that. And you could maybe say 'you don't need a kiss to show a ship is canon' except that RWBY has said that you do. The only canon romantic relationships between main cast members have been confirmed via liplock--Arkos in v3, and Renora (whom a lot of people assumed had already been together-together by like v5) in v7. Other couples/feelings among the side characters have at the least been confirmed via dialogue--the Cotta-Arcs, Ilia's one-sided feelings for Blake, etc. In absence of a verbal declaration, the only way we have to know that two characters are a couple is kissing.

And if that's not the case, and we come to find out later on that Blake and Yang have been in a relationship this whole time, then that means that the one singular same-gender relationship among the mains is being treated differently (no kiss and no verbal declaration of a relationship) than the different-gender relationships, and that is, itself, a whole other level of Not Great.

Ultimately, though, I think what bothers me most about Bumbleby is that so much of it relies on like... color-coding, vague allusions, hand-holding and forehead-touching (all of which we already had two volumes ago) and not much else, which makes it seem like the show is just stringing along the audience, knowing they will keep tuning in waiting for the couple's inevitable canonization without having to actually commit any resources to developing or exploring their relationship. People keep calling bumbleby a 'slowburn', but the thing is that nothing is burning anymore. They are in the exact same place in v8 that they were at the end of v6. That's not a slowburn anymore, that's a holding pattern, and literally nothing has changed! Let them just fucking kiss for the love of all that is holy and put the rest of us out of our misery, please.

send me a ship and get my (brutally) honest opinion!