#heaviness

[metamorphesque]

though i am heavy, there is flight around me

wendell berry, the fall of icarus, f. scott fitzgerald, christophe vacher, hozier, galileo chini, mahmoud darwish (tr. catherine cobham), rubens, akwaeke emezi, alfred schwarzschild

[creatingnikki]

things that feel heavy right now

head. don't know if it's the alcohol or the smoking or the sleeping for 16 hours.

heart. is it the having to be performative all the time? with even friends? with even myself? but it's self-preservation, isn't it? a way to cope with this life.

eyes. again, don't know if it's the smoking or crying. or the crying while smoking.

body. yes, I love my body and my tummy is lovely. but it also feels heavy as do my arms and my shoulders. literally and literary.

expectations. my expectations of myself and of others. but is that really something to be changed? my expectations are not without empathy and a whole lot of consideration. for others anyway.

assumptions. the heaviest assumptions are the assumptions I make regarding what others think/feel towards me. so damn heavy.

intergenerational trauma. the burden of having to break it. the burden of having to bear it is so heavy in the first place, how am I to break it?

[mymidwestheart]

It’s time to lay them down. 😌

[embraceyouropacities]

“I Wish I Could Live Through Something” — Caitlin Conlon

after Lady Bird

as in, I wish anything I’ve lived through would finally end. As in, wish I could say what the other side of grief looks like but I’m still wading through the relentless center of it. As in, I’ve removed fistfuls of last words from the back of my stomach and cannot remember any of them, but maybe that’s for the better. Have you ever slept wrong on a terrible memory? Slept worse on good one? I’ll be blunt: my trauma has begun to bore me. This wicked heart is yearning for the power of hindsight.

I just want to look at something and know, without ever having to kiss its face, that I can survive it.

[kickdrumheart68]

Such a powerful art piece

[haileyjennelle]

The heaviest weights can be invisible and weightless. They lay themselves on your chest, atop your shoulders, pulling your feet like magnets to the ground, clouding your mind crushing every organ in your body, all while being weightless leaving you perfectly fine.

- hj

[punishprose]

it seems that i can only write when im unhappy. unsatisfied. the second i get busy it's like my mind takes a day off from being able to form sentences. or maybe it's just that my tears are the gateway to my soul; that and the snot on my fingers and knees coagulate to form words, sentences, paragraphs. i vomit into the toilet and the poems come out fully formed - disgusting and hideous like babies writhing in childbirth. but when i have nothing in my stomach, what then? nothing but dry heaving, sentences coming out disjointed, stilted. words never the exact ones i was searching for. writing when not unhappy feels fraudulent, fake. like im acting, pretending to be something im not. i want to be able to write without having to be sad.

[waitingforthesunrise]

deep breath, my love. go outside. drink a glass of water. know how greatly you are loved by the universe. the world will not always feel this heavy.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

[wiirocku]

Psalm 69:20 (NKJV) - Reproach has broken my heart, And I am full of heaviness; I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none; And for comforters, but I found none.

[ashes-and-ruins]

oh you know, just wandering with a heavy mind and an anxious heart

[loveandthepsyche]

[beljar]

Where did 'heaviness, nausea, disgust' come from? How was it compatible with 'envy'? It wasn't at all compatible. Such elements of life can only be made compatible through longing, in death.

Franz Kafka, from Letters to Milena, [Prague, August 11, 1920]

[nebula-of-sempiternal-dreams]

Behold the skies, they're full of lies... in disguise

Behold the skies, they're full of lies... in disguise

O, creator, so long we have fallen to our knees

So long we have murdered our honor, while protecting thine

Behold the skies, they're ful of lies... in disguise

Behold the skies, they're ful of lies... in disguise

And we, warriors moulded in the blood of his vanity

The silent, loyal shepard who tends my light is dead... in me

So let the night take thee in her arms,

And dry these tears into her embrace

It's the end of pretending and defending...

God's holy light

El-shaddai, we serve thhe, henceforth... no more

Show me heaven, show me guilt... embrace the pain

We must suffer to realize, we must despair again and again

No longer our knees we shall bend, no longer fold our frozen hands

We long for the darkness, our flames still burn for mother night...

Behold us now, as we cry, soon to die... to rise again

Behold the skies, they're ful of lies... in disguise

Behold the skies, they're ful of lies... hear our cries

I have seen us bathing in blood to defend his very glory

I have seen us kneel and praise for nothing...

I have seen him dying in our eyes

I have realized that god owes us his life

[writing-corner-of-ashley]

a boulder inside me

these days i feel like dragging my body from rising up on my soft bed from walking onto city pavements and from smiling as i talk to others. 

everything around me is static drowned out, distorted like music coming from an aged radio its volume fluctuating. 

everything is not vivid nor bright the sun us too dim, hiding in the clouds the torrential rain growing harsher and thunder cracking in the sky. 

other people’s smiles and hellos does bring a sliver of brightness but they will never know the huge boulder inside me. 

and i do not have the heart to just tell them about the boulder as i do not want their smiles to falter nor their hellos becoming hesitant. 

after all, they could not see the boulder as i too plaster a gigantic grin that can be seen on my paperlike face and wave hello like a carefree child. 

everyday, i drag and hide the boulder as i try not to notice it and indulge in brief distractions a different reality where everything’s bright. 

the tornado of looming truth the rain of doom and despair and the thunder of hopelessness are nurturing these days. 

the warm sun i know of is beginning to fade behind stormy clouds uncertain of when it will shine again as the rain is seemingly endless. 

Created by: Ashley Faustine, April 2023

[drewdaves-blog]

my heart was heavy

Atlas heavy

so I slung my lungs over my shoulder

and walked

I needed some fresh air

they felt good against my back

rising and falling

as my heart grew lighter

I walked further and further away