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#hell I don't even know how to fix this
bigwhitewall · 9 months
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They're sworn enemies, A and B.
For years they've played the games of great minds, and they've found they think alike.
All that long time, the two obsessed over each other, often putting their competition before everything else: at first they thought this was because of the high stakes, but soon viciously competed for the smallest of things. Snarky remarks, mind games, deceptions, surprises. Yes, they were always able to surprise each other, somehow.
But then, one day, finally, after the longest and most climatic of wars - A had planned so carefully, blocked every exit and laid every trap -
A had won.
And A had waited for the euphoria, the joy, the glory as they watched B fall to their knees, except
it never comes. Instead,
the feeling that something is very, very wrong, no, this shouldn't be like this, defeat isn't something that should fill B's eyes
and A keeps waiting for B to grin their infuriating grin and jump back into action, there must be something A missed that B had taken advantage of, something flashy and sly, just like them, that will flip the table yet again to leave A shaking with rage, not.. this.
Yet B still sits there. In defeat and brokenhearted. And there's no way out. There's no way that B would ever rise to the same height they were before. This was the end.
How were they supposed to fix this?
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somerandomcockroach · 2 months
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@keferon OKAY BUT LISTEN YEAH I would loved if it was just fun ehehehe and sassy flirting with the demon no one sees pfffht, literally summoned a demon just to flirt with, and I guess it could have been going for a long time, just little strips with their funny adventures and then plot can go to the fact that he wants to give him a body and Shockwave would agree or that they just stay the way they are and just hang out like this together (Alo I remember that you wanted to put Ratchet (I keep writing Ratched instead of Ratchet buuuh) and Drift in it as another demon and their summoner thing whghweghgwe but I like how you made two separate stories for them that happen at the same time, okay I am actually PRETTY MUCH invested in this story, I like a lot how it goes and gets tangled and how mixes up with idw ideas and other stuff a lot)
BUT NOW that you changed it that way, you made a few more things that reader might be interested a lot in, like that promise he made and you mentioning that he will regret it, how their relationship progressively develops, plus the fact that Blurr was a frivolous slob gifted with dark magic AND how the tables turn upside dow and he get consequences for what he did in the most unpredictable way for him and how he surely changes in his behaviour, getting more and more concerned about his promise and maybe truly loving someone for the first time in his life and wanting to change something. And then figuring out that that same demon actually was a person before, someone he knew, someone respectable, kind, shiny, absolut sun of a person, who died (I am still on my knees waiting to know how exactly he died...) miserably to the point that he absolutely can't stand his life as a demon and NOT EVEN being able to kill himself!!! And Blurr was a pupil in his school, he saw him, he gifted him an ability to make his magic work for him, gave the freedom to live among everyone to all who was poisoned with this dark magic. OH WAITA HGSDHAG the thing that beastformers can't walk among transformers and the fact that dark spellers also could not, and how these events happen at a close times, OKAY so dark spellers got their kind of freedom thanks to Senator Shockwave (OH MY GOD what if Orion can see Shockwave and will recognise him right away COUGH) BUT I am wondering if beastformers will get some kind of an official declaration or some kind of school to be educated in and I wonder if Deadlock/Drift (I think after leaving he will change his name from the last episode...) will volunteer to be a teacher t be something more, or he will just end up with Ratchet wandering around the world, or maybe there will be a whole damn revolution where all monoformers and beastformers leaded by Drift go against the system, and maybe these events happen at the same time as a Senator Shockwave fighting for the rights of gifted... Okay I'm getting carried a little bit ahsghag excuse me... OH I GOT carried away A LOT I wanted to get back to the point that Blurr, now figuring out the past of Shocwave, dealing with all the events, dealing with what he has done and find a way to free them, at the same time STILL having adventures and fun since I'm sure he can be a good mood lifter to moody Shockwave and even see him in a really good mood since he is... well, not just a demon made of hatred but the wonderful kind of person in his previous life... (okay being carried away but what if Orion might declare the freedom to beastformers (AJHGAJHSDJAH OH MY GOD I IMAGINED JAZZ AS A PANDA HAVING A ROMAN WITH PROWL AND PROWL NOT KNOWING ABOUT IT OKAY SORRY) after seeing what it lead to after Senator Shockwave. And maybe Ratchet will be able to get his sign back freely after revolution will be successful or he will be forever blind just to be free and safe with his husband OKAY LISTEN I think it is obvious that I really like the thing you do....
#I mean I will repeat one hundred more time that fanfics are really hard for me to read... I just can't concentrate on that for a long time#if they are not VERY good.. usually it is much easier for me to read real books#So I know little about characters slowly reading idw and I can't just jump on plenty of fics and just look at them from afar#But such little comic... yeah#the characters in them are understandable for me you put emotion in them and growth that I can easily read on and just observing things#also it is much easier for me to see a ready pictures to jump on something to animate and it goes so smoothly that I still wonder how you d#it and I am absolutely not okay about this fact pfffht#Aaaaah why am I saying all that... where from I started and where I was leading to...#I THINK I JUST WILL SAY AGAIN THAT I LIKE THIS AU WHEEEEEEEZE#Also rewatched your tags under First Aid and... I forgot the name *cough* you can see how good I am with names VORTEZ! Fixed ehfghasghagfe#And yeah ahsghdgahg... I can't read such fics. I like when I see that characters can stand for themselves and it isn't an abuse....#I mean it is okay to show the hell they go through BUT only if from both sides#I didn't read ShockBlurr fics but from what I've been hearing from you both... I wouldn't like it#So I'm happy I come across your version of them and I LIKE IT#And I LIKE the First Aid pair with Vortex if I see a good version of them#I mean in idw he is *muah* put him in a blender but I don't see a good way of using his perks and First Aid's perks good together#They both are maniacs PFFFFHT so yeah... fics disappoint me and I barely read them even if to get better at understanding characters#So I'm happy about what you do since I am very slow at getting into stories like transformers even if I like it
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silusvesuius · 21 days
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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corset · 4 months
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Our mental health has been in such an interestingly terrible place for the last month or so. Genuinely kind of fascinating to watch from different internal angles....like watching the ocean ebb and flow and change temperament at random sometimes based on weather or the moon or something. Like this shit is just terrible
#I can't even describe it#Like it isn't even just the basic stuff I've dealt with my whole life right#I've had some of this for well over a decade now right I've been very unwell for a long time#I'm a system so that tells you a lot already#Speaking of which that's been extremely hard on us lately too. Rapid switching and blending and worsening dissociative episodes#It makes it extremely....hard. I don't know how to put this for people reading this who don't just intuitively know what I'm talking about#Let me try though#Stress worsens the symptoms right. And we've been under a Lot of stress. When you have a system who not only experiences different levels#of emotion but also different emotional responses to certain things and then also expresses symptoms of your multiple mental illnesses to#different degrees and then on top of that your sense of time/cognition becomes nonlinear because you're blurry as hell in and out all the#time it becomes markedly more difficult to try and balance out/manage your other shit. Like I cannot even describe#It's like trying to climb a slippery incline#I feel truly. Crazy. Like a complete unstable fragmented freak lately it is So bad. And I feel like I'm becoming Worse /As A Person/ too#Like I just feel like I'm becoming so jaded and fucked up mentally our internal state right now is frankly very bad. If you think I've been#negative and difficult on this blog lately hoo boy is my posting on here not even scratching the surface#We're trying to do some things about stuff we can fix/control in our external surroundings but like#[Edit: in addition I have never been properly medicated or gotten help for Any of this since I was 14-15 and they weren't even helping us#for the right things.]
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swordsofsaturn · 8 months
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i'm going to be honest i still feel very left out of the general queer scene in australia. something about it feels very.... insular. unable to be broken into unless you're already in it. maybe i'm just bitter and lonely and can never feel a part of any community ever but like every now and then i just see on instagram or something some random queer event or parade and i'm like ??? what on earth is this? why haven't i heard about this? like it's always something i'll never know about until it's too late. how do people get the secret knowledge in advance in order to attend these things. why is there a pride parade in melbourne right now i don't get it
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lisbonsteresa · 2 years
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climbing the walls over this
#tm#like....like!!!!#tbqh i didn't even remember that the first argument wasn't a real fight and now i'm --#i feel crazy because it's such a similar argument for her to make but it could also not possibly be more different#the first is a show; a performance; it's what red john - hell what most of the people who know jane - would expect from him#ego and pride and putting himself above the law - that argument could have been with almost anyone#but lisbon is the only one who could make the second argument (the ONLY one and i'll stand by that#even the others at the cbi who have seen his softer/quieter/sadder moments could not do it#not because they don't care about him - they CLEARLY do - but because they don't know him well enough#he doesn't LET them know him enough - at this point i don't think there's anyone but lisbon that he would say these things to#and say them sincerely; and mean them)#i think she's the only one who he's let in enough to know that he's not putting himself above anything;#he thinks so little of himself that he'd sacrifice himself without question if it meant getting red john#that's the argument (the plea) she's really making: care about yourself damnit. if not for you then for the people who need you#(for me)#and god it's comforting to know how this all ends up but this still hurts because he just....can't#(some things you just can't fix // you kept the pieces....i'm doing sosofine)#and then and then -- 'you'd be dead' 'but you'd have red john' [smash cut to him shooting his only lead to save her life] LIKE???#he'd sacrifice himself with no hesitation but he'd save her without thinking#let me relax#(but also do you think red john heard about that and was like 'it's a surprise tool that will help me later')
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skrunksthatwunk · 9 months
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not to doomer post. but. american politics is like here's a conservative warmonger who wants to burn you alive personally and here's a different conservative warmonger who definitely wouldn't stop someone from burning you alive BUT who might raise the minimum wage by $0.30/hour for you, but only like eight years from now (so re-elect me please!! >w<). yes one of them has to be president they are the only two options we'll let you have. no neither of them will stop the government from killing you or anyone else, but at least one will say "it's kind of bad to kill people :( someone should really do something about that..." while giving the people-killers $20,000,000,000,000 to keep doing it then saying they can't afford to help you at all, but oh shucks, maybe next cycle, if you vote for me again! and also everyone will pretend as though they are extremely different political entities covering two highly polarized ends of the political spectrum despite nearly identical policy views obscured by their slightly different ways of addressing their target audiences, many of whom are also conservative warmongers. and also if you don't vote or vote third party the other guy will win and you will watch as they burn everyone you love alive in the same way they've burned so many strangers so you kind of feel like you have to vote for the other warmonger because even though they both have blood on their hands you'll take a handshake over an uppercut. even if you can still see the bodies piling up behind them. even if you can only save like five people you know and not the thousands of people who are dying in the other room. because you believe the difference between 30,000 and 30,005 is still worth it even though no one needed to die in the first place and no one seems to agree with you. you have to keep living in this world every day. if anything changes it will take decades and it will never be enough. if this takes a toll on you good fucking luck surviving off the generosity of the warmonger state that claims to serve you. happy voting!!
#like. yeah i'll take the raised minimum wage. i guess. but jesus christ#yes you are doing slightly good things sometimes almost. can you stop killing people though. please. that is a higher priority#like this is my first prezzy election season since i turned voting age right and like. what the fuck am i supposed to do now#what am i supposed to do with this. it took me 5 fucking months to pick a dead cockroach off my floor how am i supposed to fix this.#how am i meant to be a person and go on living while knowing i am doing nothing and cannot do anything and won't do anything#i need to fight i need to get up but i am stuck. im always stuck. i pray yknow. i don't know what else to do#how can people think about buying houses and getting promotions in this world. how are they not feeling likr their chest is caving in every#time they falter in their complex self-distraction. how am i supposed to do anything when all i can think about is helping and my body won't#let me. i cant do anything i cant but i have to but i cant. im supposed to and im a bad person if i dont and i cant live like that.#and if i am too upset about that i am punished for it by the people around me and ignored by those in power if not punished as well.#i love the world. i love people. you motherfuckers are killing everything and im not stopping you and you're getting in the way of me loving#the life i was built to love and i can't understand why you think it's even thinkable to do what you're doing. or what im doing.#i just want to look at clovers and paint and be good to my neighbors but you won't stop fucking murdering people in front of me#and i can't fucking do anything. i cant take care of the people i love i can't carry my own weight i can't take care of myself i can't move#and im supposed to fucking file taxes? to fund mass slaughter? on the off chance it might go to welfare or something. god.#i hate it here i hate it here america is a fucking nightmare it is hell i can't stand it but if i leave im just running and saving myself#whch is selfsh and cruel and so i would never be able to escape the feeling and i would always be in american hell because it' a part of me#but if i stay i cannot do anything because my body is filled with smoke and broken glass and im supposed to fucking get my drivers license#so i can buy groceries or get a job so i can keep myself on life support watching everything get worse and worse around me#and knowing that nothing has ever been good here and ive been lied to forever and im still being lied to#and i am in hell.#and me dying won't fix it and me living won't fix it ans both are too painful to even consider.#i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning and my skin is on fire im on fire and i want to have children. but i can't imagine#doing that to someone. oh my god. and to raise them and watch them come to understand what this place ive brought them to is#that ive raised them in a slaughterhouse and to feebly try to show them the clovers and the ducks and the baby shoes and teach them to love#when maybe that love of the world is a distraction. or maybe i use it as one. i think of the blood as an obstacle to love and joy but maybe#i would not love the world so much if i was not so constantly desperately scared and ashamed of living in it#and i am a very lucky person. my life is cushy and i want to rip my skin off because what does that matter when it doesnt let me help people#god help me. but help the rest of them first. but i am helped first anyway and i hate it. i dont. i cant. god.#nyarla dni
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newwave-lesbian · 1 year
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septimus-heap · 11 months
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Having a bad day :(
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holytrickster · 1 year
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idk i think it's so funny I went down a survival horror game rabbit hole when a) I'm too freaking anxious for horror games I will make myself cry, b) it was all PS2 stuff which is extra funny bc I've never even played on someone else's playstation let alone had one, i was always a wii kid lol. but now my brain is like ah yes. time to consume everything I can about games I can't even play and that are stupid expensive/hard to get now
#also i love that people draw jennifer from rule of rose and fiona from haunting ground together#they're just two girls with their dogs and in horrible situations and you know im glad they get to have dogs#any game where i get to have a pet is alright by me even if shit is otherwise majorly fucked#anyway. i do need to play pathologic. it's funny bc in theory it is really the kind of thing I'd like bc there's so much stuff to uncover#plus i think classic HD (which is the version i have) fixes the bad translation so it's not even like it's too hard to understand#at least only hard to understand in the intended pathologic-y way anyway#and i really really like the soundtrack#and everything I've watched and read about it is sick as hell (no pun intended) so i think the thing making me unable to get into it is the#actual experience of playing it. like it's funny how much of an asshole dankovsky is but that doesn't mean I *want* to play as an asshole#its funny the only time i really like playing that way is in skyrim bc im just. greenish elf that picks everyone's locks bc it was the first#thing i figured out and characters will just ???? let me fucking do it??? (i say having gotten arrested in whiterun like immediately)#i guess because I'm not invested in any of the characters yet because i havent had time to sit down and really play it#i guess that'd kind of be the way i play in lotro but that's more just me not interacting with other players#fun fact i think i still have one of the earliest fellowship quests sitting unfinished bc i can never form groups to finish them#i don't think I'll even ever get good at lotro though honestly#more just knowing what buttons to spam#idk i played hunter FOREVER but minstrel is really really growing on me#even though some of the skills are kinda wasted since i only ever play alone#anyway what was i talking about
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arklay · 2 years
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omfg the logistics of s.t.a.r.s. makes me sick. like there is absolutely no need for them to work for 24 hours 7 days a week for what they are. in my mind it would be that alpha have the day shift and bravo have the night one but even then like. it makes no sense. because they would be 12 hour shifts... every day... that's. no.
#leah.txt#capcom i need you to fix this bullshit just for my brain#like omfg. can you image. 6am to 6pm or something. that's hell. like i know jobs have 12 hour shifts i know this but they don't go for#SEVEN DAYS IN A ROW#there are off days....#funny though cause the rest of stars are suffering with that but then there's wesker who not only has to do this but he has the job duties#of being the captain for alpha team and basically commander overall BUT ALSO he's the chief of security at umbrella. like. he doesn't sleep#i feel like surely they'd have like weekends Off but they are still on call if things happen?? who knows. cause 7 days... no... like even 5#days of 12 hours isn't right so it's wild#idk how this makes sense at all but augh#OMFG I JUST READ IT AGAIN AND NO. its 24 hours for one team and then they switch.......... NO. NUH UH. THAT'S.... no.#it's literally unnecessary for what they are and the skills the attention they would need for tasks. changing after 12 hours makes more#sense and even that's a lot so. capcom please explain the logic behind this to me. true story behind biohazard book please explain this.#''these two teams work in shifts. one day each. in other words alpha team works a 24-hour shift for a day followed by bravo team''#i have some safety concerns with this#oh reading this and just some casual misogny thrown in there once again. capcom it's literally unnecessary to keep doing these throw#away lines. like no one was thinking that so why did you say it??#anyways this is bullshit lmaooo can i redesign the stars work hours please?#just for what they do i don't think 24 hours makes sense to keep someone awake that long when they need to be alert and such but what#do i know ougoughg#i mean a lot of stuff in this book manual thingy have been retconned but it's so wild
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lonelyplanetfag · 2 years
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i think i am one of the worst people alive
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nepsah · 1 year
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hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate this class so much i am so, so tempted to just Stop Doing Assignments bc i don't even fucking care that i'll "fail" it
it'll be a massive waste of money but it'd be better than banging my head against a wall repeatedly while feeling like an absolute idiot for not understanding what the fuck is supposed to be going on here
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If I'm not a capable fully functioning member of society by this time next year I am going to throw myself into the ocean and come out a giant kraken and destroy society. You have all been warned.
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damnprecious · 2 years
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some neighbor is having some sort of a get-together, I can just hear people laughing and some occasional louder voices and my god if the joy radiating from that apartment isn't amplifying the misery I'm wallowing in
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p0rchc0ll4ps3 · 5 days
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Need to give Jean heavier trauma. Heavier heavier heavier trauma.... "you've seen too much too young" type of trauma.........
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