#her being trans is actually VERY important to me so I actually will choose to show these parts of her life when its relevant

[punkeropercyjackson]

An aspect of Hobie as an afropunk character that isn't talked about and appreciated enough(or ever really)is how humanized he is.So often punk male characters are stuckup white boys with consent issues and no real street cred due to whitewashing of punk culture as an inherently black scene per our history but Hobie's afropunk and he ain't no oreo.He's darkskin,his nose and lips are so big,his eyes are far apart,his brow is strong,he has wicks which are one of the most frowned upon hairstyles on black folks despite how nice they are,he's 6'5,he's ACTUALLY tall dark and handsome and they went nuts with him and i'm eternally impressed with how beautiful he is not 'inspite' of his blackness like is often potrayed but because of his blackness

Hobie is so open and softhearted and fun and he plays it into his beliefs and actions,not contradicting them as a sort of gag,he's multifaced and his personality traits overlap and contrast all at once.That's what people are like in real life but very rarely is that nuanse allowed to exist in black people as we aren't seen as,well,people.Hobie isn't demonized or made it to need to be put on a leash for hating authority and beating up bigots and even killing a cop.He's light as a role model for it.He's cringe sometimes,he does underaged drinking,he makes ridicilous facial expressions nonstop,he's got a big ego even if it's justified,he's a dad friend,he's an adultified black kids allegory,his personal(official)playlist is all actual punk songs,not Avril or Fob or P!atd,he loves the sea enough as a jamaican-english kid he choose a houseboat as his residense back when he was homeless,a concept art had him have a cat charm on his Watch,he plays guitar and uses it as a weapon,he's trans unlabeled and a black femme,he's definitely ptsd and audhd and never learned how to mask as so many black autistics people don't

And this is gonna be controversial but the implied romance with Gwen was a wonderful addition to his character.Gwen is punk too,she's canonically pastel punk and a trans girl and as trauma induced mentally ill and no masking game audhd-coded as Hobie is and their dynamic is symbolism for the intertwienment between blackness and transfeminism in punk history and a show of solidarity between different yet fundamentally similar aspects of punk and they get to bond over being troubled but good kids and punks and Gwen is so enamored with Hobie she can't help but yap about him to Miles and steal his clothes in a classic girlfriend move and flirt back when he initiates it despite how flustered she gets and the non-sexual intimacy of her living with him part time just the two of them and we know it's the non-sexual kind since them hooking up is what society expects of teenagers in love but punks don't care about conforming for normies and Hobie went out of his way to make reverse racism real on Gwen's abusive dad's ass and even forced him to leave her his love note.They're so important to eachother and the only thing stopping Ghostpunk from being the absolute perfect ship is the Spiderverse crew dropping the ball by not making Gwen a half white afrolatina(she is to me though.imma do my own thing)

Hobie Browns exists all over our existense and always have.He's the black punk kids from the 1970s,he's the black punk kids of today,he's the black punk kids i'm friends with and have pseudo-adopted as my younger siblings/kids as an older afrosolarpunk and them lacking positive adult figures in their lives so i do my best to give them what they need and want,he's ME when i was 17 and we're still so alike.I don't give two shits if i sound like a fucking geek,he genuinely means so much to me and i love him with my entire heart and soul and he would've changed my life as a lonely anarchistic afro-caribbean kid who felt like the bad guy no matter what i did or how hard i tried to be good and i'm so happy i can be what i didn't get to have to my honorary younger siblings/kids and help strangers and do all i can to fight to change the system,that i can be like Hobie and that Hobie is like Hobie instead of palpable to nonblacks

[your--isgayrights]

wait IS jhy confirmed trans? i was interpreting that way but it seemed like translation confusion when i read it. i'd be so happy if that was true ;o;

Short answer: JHY is definitely a woman, early translation confusion was largely due to the fact that Korean doesn't necessitate gendered pronouns as much as English, she is never specifically called transgender but her portrayal represents a lot of trans experiences and I choose to interpret her as transgender.

Long Answer:

Jang Hayoung as a character represents the webnovel catagory of 'transmigration,' wherein a character from 'the real world' wakes up in the body of a 'character' and must navigate their life. Jang Hayoung was a transcendent reborn into the body of Aileen Makerfield's 15 year old 'son' Aslan in the demon realm. To my understanding, Jang Hayoung's gender previous to her transmigration is unclear, it's possible that she was a cis woman in her first life. Hayoung (or Hayeong) is commonly from 夏榮 with the meaning 'glory of summer' and generally has a feminine connotation. Regardless, after her transmigration she has to face the dysphoria and challenges of 'spiritually' being a 23 year old woman in the body of a 15 year old 'boy,' and the interactions she has with other characters are easy to recognize trans experiences in to me.

Throughout 'episode 43' her gender is discussed a lot. YJH who has little concept of transmigration calls Jang Hayoung a weak 'guy' and a 'rude jerk,' to which Jang Hayoung replies 'actually I'm a bitch.' It's also shown around this time that through the scenarios, transformation of the body is possible to the point of changing gender representation, as Yoo Joonghyuk takes on the 'Punisher' persona while enduring a punishment for rescuing Kim Dokja. Afterwards, Jang Hayoung says something to the effect of 'no matter what your body is, if you are a girl you are a girl no matter what' and YJH vehemently agrees with her, leaving Kim Dokja very confused. My interpretation of this scene is that YJH gains experience of what Jang Hayoung feels being seen as 'the wrong gender' because of her body when he presents as the punisher because he still feels he is the same person as before, but I've seen other interpretations of Transfem-coded YJH that also make a lot of sense.

It's also good to note that in Korean gendered pronouns are not used as frequently, so Jang Hayoung confused many translators because her use of exclusively feminine pronouns is not confirmed until the first chapter told from her third person POV, after which most translators switched their pronoun choices for her.

For me ORV's interpretation of JHY's transmigration falls into a lot of the transgendery feelings that I have. One time a girl in a psych class asked my professor why there were so many genderqueer autistic people when one of the major symptoms of autism is struggling with changes and I had to get on my soapbox of like, to be honest I feel like I never really changed but suddenly everyone else around me did. Like it was never important to me whether I was a 'girl' or a 'boy' because basically those were like teams to be on in elementary school and it didn't matter. But then I was growing up and it was kind of like... There was something just so soul crushing to me about the idea of growing up to be a "woman" as opposed to growing up to be a "man," as arbitrary as those labels can be it just does mean something to me. Choosing to be a guy and let myself orient my experiences and social life around that concept just feels right and makes it easier to be myself without being misunderstood by others. So for me the idea that someone with kind of reverse feelings from me who has always been a woman having to endure the experience of being in the role of a 'prepubescent boy' is pretty representative of A Transgender Experience even if that language is not specifically used. It's also a lot more compassionate than representation seen in other works, or even earlier in ORV itself, and I think my favorite thing was Kim Dokja being told he was a dumbass for thinking a woman wasn't a woman just because she was in a 'boy's body,' lol.

[overthinkthis]

Final thoughts on MMDIY

This is not going to be a review because I don't really do that kind of thing, but I do want to write about the point that I loved most about this show. I know it's not perfect but I will forgive a lot of wobbles in plot or editing when a show emotionally resonates with me or makes me feel seen in a way other shows don't. And the way queer struggles were portrayed in mmdiy definitely did that.

Neither Wan nor Kim are out as queer but it's like they're living in an open closet. It should be obvious to everyone (even themselves) that they love each other and yet, for the longest time they seem unable to make that last step and confess their love, even though they both desperately want to on some level.

We do get some explicit homophobia with regard to Wan's career but it very quickly becomes obvious that that isn't the actual problem. Wan is very well able to stand her ground when she is attacked directly, we see that with Jessie and with Marwin's family. She is ready to confess to Kim, plans to do so multiple times. Why is it so hard to make that last step?

I do not know what the creators of the show were trying to say, but what I feel when watching the show, is the impact of the invisible homophobia and misogyny woven into all of society. The kind that isn't openly hostile but consistenly equates happiness for women with straight marriage and queerness with being miserable. We can write essays about comphet, but to me, this show gives a good take on what it actually feels like to be pressed into this expectation (although, I should probably say that I come at this from the perspective of a trans guy, not a lesbian - I still think a lot of the feelings are similar).

I love the conversation between Wan and Kim and the end of ep 9, where Kim tells her that she is going to marry Marwin. She basically admits that she doesn't love him, but she is still going to marry him because her mother wants her to.

And we know her mum isn't really trying to control Kim or make her miserable - quite the opposite. All she wants is for Kim to be happy. She should probably know better - given how her own marriage ended - but the idea that marrying the 'perfect' guy is the pinnacle of female happiness is so ingrained in society that it's understandable why she still falls into this trap. I really like that they show how suffocating a parent only wanting what's 'best' for their child can be.

I love that this show made Marwin someone who looks like such a good catch. I mean, there were some red flags from the start, but at a time where Wan was more controlling and aggressive, he genuinely looked like the better option. Gentle, patient, rich (some people even commented that the show made them ship the straight couple). The kind of guy that would be endgame in every second cheesy het romcom.

The people around Kim can kind of feel that he isn't right for her (even Marwin on some level does) but they still all enable her terrible decision to marry him. Which is another aspect I like about the show: The conflict is only resolved when Wan and Kim choose each other.

Women are constantly discouraged from going for what they want, especially when it causes other people distress, but the show clearly says: They make this choice for themselves, even though it hurts people, and that is how they get their happy ending. Not by being perfect all the time, not by caring about everyone else's feelings, but by choosing what they want for themselves.

And yes, obvisouly the whole thing could have been resolved earlier with less people getting hurt. But in another sense it couldn't, because they weren't ready. It's easy to blame Kim and Wan for not being more honest earlier on, but we can't do so without acknowledging the silent (and sometimes very loud) pressure to conform to heteronormativity.

I know some people didn't like this show very much and I do hope you all get all the kinds of GLs you're longing for soon. But imo it shows important aspects of queer experiences that we don't see a lot. And I'm really glad it exists in the way it does.

[genderkoolaid]

theres a podcast i really really love but the hosts in a recent episode started talking about "what kind of energy would nonbinary people have?" because obviously everyone has a masculine or feminine energy. the conclusion they came to was that they would have a masc/fem energy but that doesnt invalidate their gender because one of the hosts has masculine energy and her boyfriend has feminine energy

it was so painful to listen to, they didnt take a moment to question whether masculine or feminine energy was real, they just accepted it so immediately. its so weird like how easily squares will just accept the gebder binary if you call it by any other name

as someone whose very into religion & spirituality i see this shit all the time and it never fails to annoy me.

like. there is nothing inherently masculine about taking action, being worldly/physical, being rational, etc. and there is nothing inherently feminine about being dynamic, being emotional, being creative, being spiritual/unworldy. the only reason these traits are combined & associated with those two words is because of (largely Western) gender roles.

if the idea of binary energies is really important to you, you can just. choose not to use those specific words! call it dynamic vs stable energy, call it physical vs spiritual energy, call it lunar vs solar energy, whatever. steal from the pokemon game titles. if it really "isn't about gender roles," then simply choose to not use gendered language!!! Don't parrot the most blatantly patriarchal ideas and then tell trans* & gnc people "no don't worry its actually not about gender!! everyone has some masc & fem energy (and only those exist) so you shouldn't feel excluded because im telling you you shouldn't :)"

I have a personal rule that I do not place trust any spiritual person who uses masculine vs feminine energy. Not that I will be an asshole or refuse to talk to them, but if you are using patriarchal spiritual language- especially if you are claiming to be trans*-friendly- you make me trust you less. Because I really question how much work you've put into your own internalized patriarchy if you think that saying "women are emotional and men are rational" is feminist and pro-trans* if you just pretend like its not gendered.

also if you are a feminine cis girl calling yourself a "masculine woman" because you're decisive, I'm gonna eat through the walls of your house

[cursedvibes]

jjk having queer-coded villains seems to be an intentional choice. what are your thoughts on this

Honestly, I think the queer themes and characters we've gotten in jjk are pretty great. Yes, some of them are villains and that is a common harmful trope, but first of all it is not just the villains and second you have to look at how their queerness is portrayed and implemented into their characters.

We have characters like Kirara and Hakari and I think you can count Tengen too, who are queer(-coded) and not villains. Their queerness is pretty explicit in case of Kirara and Tengen with Kirara having clearly transitioned and being some flavour of trans and Tengen also openly stating she's lost interest in gender and is if anything a gnc woman. Queerness is also not their entire character, just one minor aspect of it that is honestly not that important. Tengen being responsible for the creation of jujutsu society and Kirara rebelling against the school and then choosing to aid the kids in the Culling Game is much more significant than their gender. Tengen corrects Yuki about being a man and then we move on, it is not actually a big deal. Yuki is more concerned with Tengen's actions than her gender.

The comment from Panda insisting that Kirara is a guy was weird, but it isn't brought up again, everyone just doesn't gender Kirara when seeing them without making a big deal about how "weird" it is for a presumed guy to have boobs like you might've expected in other pieces of media. The implication here I think is just that Panda hasn't seen Kirara in a while nor knows them very well. The comment was unnecessary in my opinion, you could've shown in a better way that Kirara transitioned, but the way it is treated afterwards makes it better. I think it especially helps that we see Hakari so accepting of Kirara, it is something normal and their relationship is loving. Kirara's gender or presumed sex is no issue at all between them and the other characters just roll with it too.

Same could be said for things like Geto and Gojo's relationship for example, the most prominent example of queer-coding in jjk as is also heavily displayed in marketing for season 2 of the anime. Obvious choice, they are by for the most popular ship and tapping into shipping sells. Their the sasunaru of jjk. I don't think you could call it queerbaiting though because contrary to sasunaru you don't have this "jk they both ended up marrying some random women like the heterosexual men they are" and there are literally no confirmed relationships in jjk anywhere except for the people who are married (and those usually don't love each other). stsg have as much ground to stand on as Kirara/Hakari or Muta/Miwa. They are milking that money cow, but with the way it is handled in canon, it doesn't bother me much ignoring their fanbase.

Another aspect we see in stsg that also applies to how we see queerness in some of the villains is that their relationship (of whatever nature that might be) is there to humanize both Gojo and Geto. There is actually some meaning to it, not just shipper bait or an insane villain being gay and that being included as another aspect of him being reproachful like you see with many Disney villains. Geto's bond with Gojo (and his family) is portrayed as the last bits of sanity left in him and also any criticism you'd leverage against that could apply to Gojo as well, a main character.

Similar with the queerness of the other villains. It is either an unimportant detail of their identity or it is actively used to humanize them. Uraume's gender is purposefully unconfirmed, nobody even makes any assumptions and that fact is about as important as their hair colour. It's just part of their identity, nothing more. It is not portrayed as predatory or used for any "trap" jokes. At least not in canon, the fandom is its own beast and I think their behaviour comes from what they are used to seeing in other media not due to anything done in jjk.

Kashimo falls into the same category of unconfirmed gender. Fans and some fantranslators assume Kashimo is a man based on what they looked like in the past, but it is actually never confirmed in the manga. Neither Hakari or anyone else ever genders Kashimo. There being no assumptions made or their possible gender or androgynous appearance discussed. People just roll with it and it isn't made to stand out in the story. I don't think you can even call Kashimo a villain, more like an antagonist similar to Higuruma was one with selfish morality. Their gender or appearance doesn't play into that at all.

With Kenjaku I guess you could see them taking over Kaori as predatory towards Jin, but it is played different than the common tropes. For one, Jin is as it seems aware of the change, just chooses to ignore it. It isn't played as a "man tricked other man into sex" or "man disguised as a woman", in fact the story goes quite out of its way to state that Kenjaku isn't (cis) male actually. Both Wasuke and Jin address Kenjaku as a women, even when they have suspicions. Kaori stays in some form with Kenjaku, she isn't just a cheap disguise and pregnancy overall is an important topic for Kenjaku both in good and bad ways. When Kenjaku says "thank you for getting along with my son" it is the first big step towards giving Kenjaku more depth than just them being a big bad mastermind. Kenjaku cares in some way for their child and doesn't just see him as a test subject. So the time in Kaori's body clearly had value to them as well beyond just getting a vessel for Sukuna. Same goes for their meeting with Takaba for example, which is the biggest example we got so far of Kenjaku being proven to care about other people and gaining depth through it. Their relationship with Tengen could count as well.

So the queer aspects we got of Kenjaku are there, but they aren't shown in canon to be something strange, quite the opposite usually. I think you see it best when you compare Kenjaku to Orochimaru, who clearly, as stated by Gege too, is a big influence for the character. Orochimaru has the body of a woman in the first part of the series, takes over the bodies of children and shows interest in Sasuke that is often seen as gay. Orochimaru is portrayed as predatory particularly towards children/boys, a persistent stereotype of gay and/or effeminate men as well as trans people. When Orochimaru reveals in the fight against Hiruzen that he inhabits the body of a woman, the characters around are disgusted and not only because this means another person's body was violated, the uncertainty of Orochimaru's gender unsettles them. You see the same thing in Boruto. Multiple characters make mean or disgusted comments about Orochimaru because they can't tell their gender and the whole "are you a man or a woman, a father or a mother" gets pushed a lot, often used as a joke. Mitsuki is being supportive and corrects people, but that doesn't stop Orochimaru's gender being brought up almost every time they feature in the series. "omg I can't tell this person's gender this is so weird and creepy" don't you have more pressing concerns like the fetuses swimming in those tanks or the human cloning?

Compared to that, Kenjaku is handled much better. There is no weird fixation on children, they have only taken over adults from what we've seen so far (due to the size of their brain and it being a real organ I think that is even a necessity) and the bodies are also mainly there for practical needs, Kenjaku isn't shown lusting after them no matter the person's gender. Choso goes from assuming Kenjaku is Yuuji's father to calling them a parent. It isn't commented on, we just assume Tengen informed him. Kenjaku being revealed to be Yuuji's mother isn't shocking because "wtf that's a man in a woman's body", it is more so about the implications of them being related. It is also used to show that Kenjaku is actually not a cis man (everyone at that time even doubting Wasuke uses she/her naturally with Kenjaku not objecting to it despite not really pretending to be Kaori) and by being his mother they have a closer personal connection to Yuuji. The fandom usually puts more harmful tropes into this moment than there actually are in the manga. I'm pretty sure Yuuji was more concerned about Kenjaku actually being related to him than Kenjaku being his mother aka exhibiting a gender he might not have expected. The "my father is your mother that's so mind-boggling and weird" is something that only exists in fandom. I don't see a reason why Choso or Yuuji would care and everyone else even less.

Takaba putting Kenjaku in a nurse outfit is also only portrayed as another fun part of their shenanigans, being neither overly sexualized nor seen as off-putting or weird. I think it was actually put there because Gege wanted to emphasize once more that having a female body doesn't unsettle Kenjaku, they see it as normal. It is part of their identity, but that itself isn't the thing being made fun of, it's a joke about sexy nurses that's detrimental to Takaba if anything.

In the same way, Kenjaku being pregnant with Tengen isn't made a big deal either beyond what it means for the Culling Game or the merger. It isn't a strange pregnant man, just another instance of pregnancy symbolism in this manga where cursed wombs are quite a common thing. And Kenjaku's whole deal is motherhood, birth and pregnancy down to the choice of their name, which is derived from an ambiguously gendered or Virgin Mary-adjacent bodhisattva. These pregnancy themes are shown as both a good thing and a bad thing depending on the context and not on principle as disgusting or bad. Kenjaku's gender fluidity has thematic relevance, but it isn't mocked or portrayed as bad by itself.

Beyond Uraume, Kenjaku and maybe Geto depending on how you look at it, I don't think there are any other queer-coded villains? Mahito was a high school girl for a juju sanpo, but that episode was more wholesome if anything and I think it was just there to show his fluidity in sex and gender. Once again not mocked or brought up as a reason for why he's evil (she isn't even that evil in that high school AU).

So yeah, I don't see a problem here, I actually wish more mangas or animes would portray queer characters this way. Make sure villains aren't the only queer characters, don't make queerness their entire character trait and treat the characters with respect.

[adachimoe]

hey has atlus ever commented about naoto being transgender?

I assume you're asking this because of the remark I made in the tags about the magazine?

To be honest, I don't see this topic as being as straightforward as many in the western fandom want people to believe. Like I have absolutely read garbage where people go, "You have poor media literacy if you think Naoto is trans". I used to see this crap every other day on Reddit until I quit browsing the Persona subs regularly.

To answer your question: To my knowledge, no, Atlus has never >said< anything about this. But here is what they >did< in their own game and the lore / setting book:

We all know about "show, not tell". Naoto says her struggle is about "being a woman in a male dominated field", but this feels largely like "tell, not show" since the story suggests Naoto's struggle is actually with age both internally and externally -- to the extent that gender feels very irrelevant. Naoto is never shown struggling as a detective due to gender and the only time it comes up really is in the dungeon dialogue, Naoto never brings up mom or reflects on how mom might have had the same issues and how mom might have dealt with them (Naoto's mom was also a detective), Naoto seemingly continues presenting as a male detective outside of school even after people at school find out (c'mon, Adachi somehow never says anything before or after the reveal, or even in Ultimax), the writing never takes any opportunities to compare/contrast Naoto with other characters regarding gender and work (e.g. Naoto wants to be in a male-dominated profession versus Yukiko who was born into a role passed from mom to daughter but starts off the story on the fence about it), and the other detective characters in the story only ever comment on Naoto's age / youth. When gender finally does come up in Naoto's Social Link, choosing "Your gender doesn't matter" is the option that earns the most brownie points (20 points, per the P4G guide) even though it locks the player out from the romance scenes. The "I'm glad you're a girl" option is what gets you Naoto's romance which I feel like is a roundabout way of Atlus admitting the audience they care about are straight men who would get insecure about someone they're dating being anything other than "girl".

And lastly, when you get into the meta stuff, In Naoto's Persona Club P4 profile, she fills out [sex/gender] as "no comment". And the same book writes that Naoto's dungeon comes from Naoto's own desire to "become an adult man" (an important distinction as for the other dungeons the book specifies when the public of Inaba played a role in the design and whatnot of the dungeon and what it represents).

Some of this feels intentional to me, yet some of it also feels like incompetence on Atlus's part because of how Naoto's character was made...

Naoto's character was originally a cisgender boy and Teddie was originally a girl under the mascot outfit. Then Naoto became a girl, and as a result, they swapped Teddie to a guy (so it's 3 girl pt members, 3 boy pt members). I find it plausible that this whole arc about Naoto-F's age was originally something that belonged to Naoto-M, and they just copy/pasted it and added on the sentence, "Oh and also I'm a girl in a dude dominated field!!!" and just, uh, did not expand on that at all.

[t4transsexual]

have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

[animentality]

Hiya. Little chance you'll see/respond to this, but I thought I'd throw it out there anyway. I'm kind of stuck, gender-wise. As a gender-fluid afab person, I kind of know where I want my transition to go, with both T and surgery. The problem is, my very lesbian partner has some squicks about the way I want my transition to go, (namely the clitoromegaly and metoidioplasty.) I haven't talked to her about this yet, because of the squicks. (I know I need to, it's just something I haven't built up to yet.) There's a lot of love in the community for the effects of going on T that I want, which makes me feel good, but knowing my partner would no longer find me attractive because of it is. distressing. This is complicated by the fact that I do sex work, so I'm putting off transition anyway to retain my audience. I know I need to stop letting other people's approval and attraction dictate what I'm doing with my body, but it's money to live off of and I desperately love my partner, (and I'm used to sublimating what I want for others.) I don't know if you have or care to give any advice or response, but even just typing this out and sending it is making me feel better, so thank you <3

I get it, friend.

I really do. You know it's what you want, but you're also afraid of how much it'll change things.

And I don't blame you. There's always comfort in stability and the status quo. holding on to things you've grown so used to having, that you worry you might not be able to survive without them.

But if you know it's what you want- and I think it must be, otherwise would it really be a difficult decision? - then you'll find some peace in knowing that things are never as stable as they seem anyway.

you have to pursue the things that will make you happy in this life. it's the most important thing. sometimes that means choosing something that's harder to do, in the short term, but will bring you peace in the long term.

and yeah, it will be uncomfortable and painful if, or when, your partner no longer finds you attractive because of the transition, but if she really loves you, and cares for you as a person, then she'll support you, even if it's only as a friend. she won't cut you out of her life, if she loves you as much as you love her.

And I know that sounds bad, but the truth is, people are attracted to what they're attracted to. Now that doesn't mean she definitely will lose interest in you, though. Because honestly, I think you definitely need to talk about it, and maybe you'll be surprised.

I have known lesbians who have a few exceptions, just as there are straight people with their own "gay exceptions."

And transition isn't exactly a new practice or anything, but transition surgeries sort of are, in the grand scheme of things. they can be kind of disturbing to people, even supportive people, at first, because surgeries in general are always disturbing.

something primal in us just doesn't like the idea of letting someone else cut into our flesh and rearrange all the parts inside. it's instinctive, i think. but just as you can grow and change, so can other people.

even if they never ever thought about it before.

life is kinda funny like that. you can think you'll never ever do something, but then someone else might come along, someone you desperately want to be with, and then you'll become more than you ever expected you would be. and you'd do it together.

but you definitely need to talk to her. she might surprise you. or she might surprise herself, actually, if you give her the time to consider how it'll change your relationship.

But if she's no longer attracted to you, and if you break up, well, relationships always fall apart when one person wants to stay the same, but the other desires growth, and change. It might seem terrifying, not to have her as a romantic partner, and maybe you're afraid you'll never find someone else, but these things are normal, these things are not as scary as they seem.

All human beings, trans, cis, het, gay, bi, have to deal with the fact that people change and some relationships end. Some people can adapt, and stay together. Some can't.

Some people lose interest in their partners over many, many years, and some people can't stay in relationships with people who become sick, or disfigured, who have horrible injuries that change who they are. Life doesn't go the way you plan, ever.

So you aren't alone in that feeling. And I hope that your community is there to support you too, so that you don't feel alone in this either.

You might consider joining groups, or finding people, who know what it's like to lose partners because of transition, by the way.

It's always good to have a network of support.

Now as for the sex work... listen, I don't know your financial situation. if it makes sense to not transition right now, to put it off so you can pay the bills, have a roof over your head, then you can always wait as long as you need to.

But I wouldn't let that hold you back either.

Financial stability is very important, and being able to pay for food is your first need and all that, but emotional and psychological fulfillment are important too.

so in the future, if you have the money, or maybe find other jobs, or other means of income, then don't let it stop you.

and also, if you enjoy sex work, and you don't want to stop doing it, or having it as an option...you can find another audience.

it might be smaller, and different, and you might have to start from the ground up, but if you already have an audience that makes you good money, then you're resourceful. you're creative.

you can do this. all of this.

but anyway.

my advice to you is...do what you need to do, to make money, but remember that life is primarily about being happy. it can't always be happy, but...the end goal is happiness.

you have to go looking for it, though.

even if it doesn't look the way it used to, that's the grand adventure called living.

thanks for the ask.

always feel free to vent to me, by the way, especially about this, because as a transmac, I get it.

I personally only would want top surgery, but I understand completely the afabs who want to fully transition.

I remember the first time I used my name, and not my deadname...I remember the joy I felt, when my friends started calling me by masculine pronouns...

I couldn't discourage you from seeking the self you were born to be. It's a wonderful feeling, being the person you dreamt of, on those lonely nights where you laid in bed and wondered why you feel so different and alone.

But you aren't alone now.

Good luck, anon.

Hope everything turns out ok, and then I hope the rest of your life is wonderful.

[defira85]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

Ohhh thank you so much lovely! And this actually ended up being harder to narrow down than I thought, haha! And I apologise to my ME and DA fic but right now they aren't singing to me so... in no particular order:

5. Keep Telling Me To Breathe (F!Durge x Gortash) Much like your first listed fic, this was also the fic that got me writing again after a... 4 year rut? 5 year rut? It's my magnum opus. It's my baby. It's the best thing I've ever written. It's a 17 year tragedy written in reverse. Both of them die. They live happily ever after. It made me so insanely happy. Kass is my favourite character in the universe [click here to start on AO3, my chapters are too long for tumblr]

4. You Owe Me a Drink (Trans F!Bounty Hunter x Shae Vizla) This is a fic that holds a very special place in my heart. Star Wars: The Old Republic is responsible for some of my best fandom experiences, and I met most of my dearest friends through SWTOR. Ysaine Pierce, buff and sweet and accidentally a bounty hunter, falls in love with one of the fiercest Mandalorians in the galaxy. But there's a war on, and that makes it hard to be in love [click here for AO3]

3. Grief (F!Bounty Hunter x Arcann) Kol'aya was never supposed to be an important character for me, she was just one of my test characters that I used to run new content before I sent my mains in so that I knew what options to choose for them for perfect cut scene photo opportunities. And then she had to choose between saving her husband and saving another character, and I made her a widow... and the game never acknowledged her grief or the horror of what had happened. So I wrote about the fact that everyone of her companions ignored her pain, and realised that actually, she was an important character to me after all, and an emperor had fallen in love with her quietly in the background [click here for AO3]

2. A Heart As Cold As Ice (F!Drow Tav x Gale) I know it's only got 3 chapters so far but I'm so proud of this one. I love world-building, and the lack of anything resembling coherent world-building for drow means I can go crazy. The most recent chapter has the best fight scene I've ever written, and I'm just starting to get into the religious stuff now in upcoming chapters which I'm excited about [click here for AO3]

1.An Empire's Ransom (F!Jedi Knight x Thexan) This is THE fic. The one that changed everything for me. A silly whim, what if Thexan survived the SWTOR: Destiny trailer in 2015, and then suddenly I've written over a million words across 5 fics. It changed how I write fic, how I approach crafting a storyline and how I work on character growth. Looking at it almost 10 years later, there's a lot of things I'd change, but that's the nature of growth isn't it? It helped me to grow as a writer, and I'll always love it. Ona'la and Thexan 5eva [click here for the series AO3]

[goingsparebutwithprecision]

Five Ships In Five Fandoms

Thanking @tallangrycockatiel for the tag!

Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale, Teen Wolf

What can I say about them that hasn't been said a thousand times before by people more eloquent than I. A classic. The ultimate comfort ship.

Cyrano/Roxane/Christian, Cyrano De Bergerac

Cannot overstate the hold these three have on my heart! One of the most excruciating canon endings of all time. I can think about them endlessly. Just rotating them forever in my mind. The Cyrano/Christian kiss from the National Theatre 2022 production lives rent free in my brain. If I loved them less I might be able to talk about them more etc etc.

Lord Peter Wimsey/Harriet Vane, the Lord Peter Wimsey mysteries

One of the slowest burns of all time. Starts with absolute clownery, the tragedy in the absurd of asking a woman on trial for the murder of her previous lover to marry you, continues with the spikiest most resentful discoveries of drift compatibility, the get-together comprises an entire book's worth of meditations on gratitude (the hatefulness thereof), inequality of gender class and intellect, whether intellectual honesty is more important than romantic loyalty (and/or one's continued ability to feed oneself), musical metaphors for relationship dynamics (anybody may have the harmony if they leave us the counterpoint!!!!!), and of course the massive continuity of ducks.

Cliopher Mdang/Fitzroy Angursell, Nine Worlds

OK actually maybe i take it back, strongest contender for slowest burn of all time??? In that these fuckers have been dancing around each other for something close to 10 000 years (not a joke not an exaggeration time is fucky here). Although tbf. Tbqf&h. To be brutally Frank and Esme. I'm not sure I count those 10 000 years in that we (the readers) were not actually there to witness that. But still. Where do I even start with these two.

That feeling when you've been installed as a puppet-god-king against your will for over a hundred years unable to choose your food or drink, experience sunlight, or touch another person (because if you do they will literally and immediately immolate because of magic curses) and although this would be cruel to do to anyone it is particularly cruel to do to you, nameless child and infamous anarchist poet revolutionary whose work shook the empire to its very foundations, and then you are finally sent a competent secretary who proceeds to steal your empire out from under you, dismantle it completely, institute universal basic income, universal housing, universal education, fix the post office, provide you with ships that fly?!?!, audit all of your government offices until every single speck of corruption is gone, end a world war and prevent there from every being another one, and all the while is humming your most treasonous song cycle under his breath for fully ten thousand years. Oh and then he also journeys into myth and legend, through sky ocean to the house of the sun, essentially to barter fire from the gods, because he thinks he's not good enough for you.

Also such a wonderful nuanced portrayal of an ace/queerplatonic/this relationship-is-what-we-decide-it-is-but-the-most-important-thing-is-that-you're-it-for-me relationship. It's very queer. They're working it out as they go. It will break your heart and heal your heart. I cannot even.

Thara Celehar/Iana Pel-Thenhior, Cemeteries of Amalo

Another they are taking it so so slowly and I am all about it. There's a theme here somewhere I just know it. Sad wet cat detective man with life-destroying trauma talks to dead people, stray cats and this one guy who writes riot-causing opera and very gently invites him to dinner occasionally and helps him solve murder cases. We are two books in and they've only just a) held hands once and b) started using informal you to refer to each other. It's exquisite, I'm in hell.

No pressure tagging @ereborne @july-19th-club @morkaischosen @trans-cuchulainn and anyone else who's interested :)

[roykiller07]

i am always so scared and avoidant of explaining my identity to anybody (even, if not especially, myself) in any more words than the vaguest description possible ("im trans these r my pronouns and im a lesbian") because i cant telepathically transmit my gender into their brain so theyll never understand the complexity of it and will think something is wrong with it because im 100% nothing if not a lesbian but my nonbinaryness does not necessarily exclude manhood but it also does at the same time?? idk. wish ppl would stop trying to get me to explain my nonbinary identity in binary terms (im ppl nobody is asking me to say anything more than what i already do)

that comedian was so right i am a man in the way that kraft singles are cheese. it presents like it would be in the same category, it tastes like an offputting version of the real cheeses, a lot of people would call it cheese and it calls itself cheese too unless legally restricted but when you look at the actual content it is an entirely completely different substance. which doesnt make it any less a cheese persay but certainly also makes it definitely NOT a cheese at the same time. and its way better on grilled cheese than normal cheese is. not sure how that fits into the metaphor but its important to me

the same can be said for the way that im a woman and for both a large majority of the "ingredients" are completely internalizations of external inputs instead of any actual innate part of my being, like being a girl in the weird girl by mommy long legs way or in the impact of growing up a girl in a sexist society way or in the betty grof way or in the autistic female cartoon characters way or in the when choosing which character was OUR character growing up amidst my siblings in any game or show, often ending up w the only girl instead of just anyone that resonated with me way (was always mad at the games/shows for only having one girl, never upset about having to be her instead of someone else unless one of my siblings took the cool genderless-esque one) (maya and zero from borderlands...) or in the im my mother's daughter way or like being a guy in the random stray cat of indeterminate sex way or in the when every new person got confused about my gender as an androgynous kid, laughing super hard with my whole class/whoever was there about how dumb they were but always avoiding answering/correcting them clearly and getting upset if someone else told them i was a girl way or in the feeling very uncomfortable when anyone but my family specifically called out that i was a girl as a kid way (when alex tried to tell me i was the ruler QUEEN not the ruler KING for my collection of rulers..... die) or in the im my brothers brother way or in the drag king way or in the tboy swag of harold tdi way or you know i could go on for literal eons and still feel like i didn't list enough. plus a lot of the items on BOTH lists apply to BOTH options

and besides that im also like totally disconnected from gender?? i definitely still feel agender and genderfluid at the same time all the time not to mention the constant banging at the door in the back of my head for catgender begging to be let out. overall point blank period i know that the reason i feel this way about my gender is because im autistic and when social constructs don't come naturally to me that includes gender. but that's never like. a definitive enough answer for other people or for my own sanity and it makes me mad because NOBODY UNDERSTANDSSS MEEEEEEE [emo crying on knees]

whatever who actually cares (me)

i think the last time i felt properly fully self expressed was when i was 10 and had a scratch account named mr fox and used a persona called mr fox on it and part of what was special about me was that my name was mr fox but i was actually a girl even though i would throw up if someone called me a miss or mrs

[forffax]

@matoitech THANK YOU CHASE!! making a seperate post and putting it all under the cut bc it's Long <3 (also noting at the beginning that "Voided 2" is the name of the story centering them that I've been working on for years <3) Athanasius: She/Her, Zephyr: She/him, Lux: He/Him, Ferdinand: He/Him, Alan: Any (including neos)

1. How did you choose their name? Athanasius, Zephyr, and Lux: Behindthename! I was around 14 when I created them, so I was probably just looking for names that sounded cool... I don't think there was any particular name theme I was going for, lol. I remember I only found out the proper pronunciation of "Athanasius" (atha-NAY-shus) later, and I still pronounce it "uh-thana-SEE-us" skdhjs. Ferdinand: Probably also behindthename? Possibly subconsciously influenced by the band Franz Ferdinand, because I was really into them at the time (and still am to an extent lol). Alan: Also not entirely sure where his name came from! I think it just sounded Right to me. In the original draft of the story Lux had a wife and kid in Saluria and the kid's name was Apollo, so I may have just had "A" names on the brain...

2. Were they created for the story, or was the story created for them? Athanasius and Zephyr: These two were created for their original story! It was an assignment in my 8th grade English class where we could write whatever kind of story we wanted and then we would share it with the class ^_^. Their initial story has very little in common with the current Voided 2— they weren't even a part of my main oc universe, which was also in its infancy at that time! In their original story, Athanasius and Zephyr were strangers with traumatic pasts (an abusive father and a dead brother, respectively) who became friends and found comfort in each others company, slowly beginning to help each other heal... & now they are inseparable siblings who have supported each other through the hardest times in their lives :] Lux: Initially, Lux was the aforementioned Dead Brother, who had been killed in front of Zephyr when they were teens... So in that way, he was created for that original story, but then later I drew him and really liked his design (& really liked the idea of incorporating them all into my main oc universe) and created the beginnings of Voided 2 around him! I distinctly remember thinking "okay but what if he was secretly alive...." and then everything exploded from there skdjfgks Ferdinand: He was created for the story, but similarly was fleshed out by having more story developed for him after his creation! I think Ferdinand came around not long after I decided that Lux was alive and came up with everything involving Saluria and the Salurian War... & I don't remember the specifics but he was always intended to come back after dying ^_^ a lot more of the important aspects of his story and character (non-op trans man, has a sister that's still alive, in school to become a doctor, rebuilt his body piece by piece, displaced about ten years out of time) came about much more recently than his actual inception! Alan: Xe was created the most recently out of the whole family, and he was definitely created for the story! I wanted Lux and Ferdinand to have a kid, and thus Alan came to be :] However, much like their dads, Alan's story was created after she came into being... they're not direct family but David & Alex also were created and then immediately expanded Alan's backstory ^_^

7. What attribute of them (some facet of their personality, their history, their look, or whatever etc) would you find most important to somehow preserve if they were transplanted to an AU fanfic? Athanasius: It's funny, because of the nature of my oc universe I kind of loosely think that the original version of Athanasius still exists in a different universe... but other than having orange hair and the same first name, they're completely different people. For more "traditional" AUs, I think the core aspects of her as a person (appearance, Zephyr and Lux's adoptive sister, strong need for community and a closeness to her family, being a butch) are absolutely necessary to preserve. I enjoy AUs more if they're less "here's a reimagining of the character in this place/time" and more "they're essentially the same person, I'm just putting them in Situations"... so like even in a fantasy setting she'd still be Her, you know? (<- guy who has a fantasy AU but never talks about it). Zephyr: Seeing a Zeph without her mullet is like a butterfly without its wings.... Okay real answer. Similar to Thana, I use AUs as a Playing With Toys/Putting them in Situations thing, so I'd probably keep nearly everything the same about him? Within reason like there's a "Lux comes back early/Lux never leaves" AU bouncing around in my head and I think Zephyr in that would be less Melancholic and would def have a couple less Issues but she'd still be very similar as an adult I think... dunno! It's fun but a lot to think about... Lux: sdjifhsdk okay in Lux's case no matter what he's losing an eye simply because I think he looks weird when I draw him with both eyes LMAO. Core part of his character 2 me. Lux's personality I think stays similar no matter what you do to him, but also I feel like he's been so molded by his experiences in Saluria that it's also key that he's a traumatized war veteran... but ALSO ALSO I refuse to even consider that in a "Real World" AU he would join the US Military bc. he Would Not Do that. it's complicated! He's a generally pacifistic guy forced to fight for his and others lives... Ferdinand: While I don't necessarily find it vital that he dies in an AU, having others think he died is always fun... specifically thinking abt my fantasy AU here. But I think more important is having a tense/strained relationship with his blood family and him finding community & love elsewhere. He also would not enlist in a "Real World" AU unless explicitly forced to... He probably also retains an interest in healthcare 👍 Alan: Becoming disabled very abruptly is important to his character I think. So he's losing that leg no matter where he ends up sdkjfgs. His past of being a test-tube baby and living in an orphanage for a good while is also pretty important imo, but obvs that can't apply to every AU... so just having kind of a "experimentation" type backstory and not having any family outside of David/Alex for a while is probably something I'd keep every time!

9. If your character could have handed their role in the plot to someone else, would they have? Athanasius: She spent a lot of her worse moments wondering how different things might be if she was just Zephyr's blood-related sister instead... would there be less distance between her and the world? Would her dad and Zeph be less sad if she had vanished instead of Lux? She's scared of the answer to that. It took a long time before she really felt like she "belonged" anywhere, and even then it felt... fragile. Like the smallest misstep could shatter everyone's "acceptance" into "tolerance"... Zephyr: She never thought about it, really. Or tried not to. Lux would've been a better student. Lux would've been a better role model for Thana. Lux would've been strong enough to be there for their dad. Despite his best efforts, these thoughts kept her up at night for years and years, slowly creeping in with the colder months. He had decided to make a conceited effort to move on and NOT entertain those thoughts anymore... and then Lux came back. Lux: This is something he was explicitly doing everything in his power to avoid.... His aunt who brought him to Saluria after The Incident constantly remarked that she should've snatched Zephyr instead, and just the though of his brother having to go through this instead made Lux fight even harder.... :( Ferdinand: He had nearly two decades to spend thinking about this... eventually he decided not to dwell on it too much. Things ended up the way they did, and he can't change that. In his darker moments, though, especially towards the beginning of his time as a soul without a body... he often flipped between "I wish I hadn't let this happen to me" and "I wouldn't wish this on anyone". Alan: If anything, I think he wishes that xe could've been there for Alex and David more, especially when he hears about/remembers the whole story. I don't think they would've wanted to trade places with Alex, but instead I think she wishes that the experimentation had never been done in the first place and that all three of them could've grown up together as siblings...

16. What is your character's favorite leisure activity? Athanasius: She's a gamer sjdkfs! She's a huge sonic fan (she and Zephyr played the original games as late teens and loved the sonic adventure series when they were in their late college years :]) and she's kept her childhood consoles. She's mostly into older games, but she'll check out the newest releases of her fav series when they come out! Zephyr: Does laying comatose on the couch count She likes doing puzzle type activities, from sudoku to picross to crosswords! He likes to think it helps her calm his rapid thoughts down... Art and writing are sometimes leisurely for Zephyr, but since she does that for his job, it can be hard to engage with that outside of obligation, even though she genuinely has a love for them. Lux: Anything that keeps his hands busy! I think he would try a lot of different things just because he was curious about them. He's not fantastic at most of the things he tries, but usually Lux will try to get decent enough to be proud of his progress before moving on to something new. He can knit a pretty passable scarf :] Ferdinand: Absolutely has a mostly anonymous blog where he generally posts just aesthetic pictures he takes. He'll occasionally wax philosophy on the nature of what it means to live and what our place is in the world and such... Ferdinand also likes showing off his garden on there ^_^ He's very responsive to any comments he gets, and he's made a good handful of friends online! Alan: He loooves reading! Mainly encyclopedia type books (especially when she was younger) but also loves a good mystery novel. They also enjoy just going out into the woods and bird watching :]

17. Is your character holding any grudges? Are they likely to stop?

Athanasius: Oh she 100% held a grudge against Lux for a good while, especially when it first came into question if he was really dead + when he initially returned only to not explain anything and tried to run away again... Thana, while not having much of an initial connection to Lux herself, saw firsthand how her dad and sibling were after he vanished... But after actually sitting down and talking with each other, they began to build a much healthier relationship and are now very close :] I think it took a while for that resentment to fully fade, but as of now she's happy to have him as her brother!

Zephyr: She held a grudge against his dad for about a year after he told her and Thana that he wasn't entirely sure that the remains buried under Lux's name were actually his... it was almost like tearing that wound clean open again. He eventually saw his dad's perspective, but even today it's a bit of a sore spot between them. Lux: There were times when Lux was fueled by nothing but anguish and hatred. Hatred towards the war, hatred towards the Vacares, hatred towards his aunt, hatred even towards his family back home (these periods were particularly brief, and quickly followed by such an intense shame that he nearly hurt himself). By the time Lux was finally able to return home, all that was left of the burning anger was a profoundly exhausted sadness. All he had left to do, he thought, was apologize to his last remaining family and then disappear for good this time. As he began to recover, I think his anger definitely returned, which at times alarmed him after being emotionally numb for years and years. He's grown to be much better at regulating and recognizing his emotions now! Ferdinand: For a good while, he did have a grudge against the Vacare that killed him. That began to lessen a bit with time, but it's something that will probably be with him for a good long while, if it ever fades at all... It really doesn't take up much of his thoughts, though. More than anything, he has a new appreciation and love of life that he cherishes every single day! Alan: Not really, to be honest! He doesn't get angry in general very easily, and also has a hard time empathizing with others. Xe doesn't necessarily hold a grudge over their childhood being intensely fucked, but she does sometimes wish he had been allowed a "normal" life.

19. Does your character have any health issues, whether they're aware of them or not? Athanasius: She's type-1 diabetic! She has an insulin pump on her left side. Zephyr: She is suffering the consequences of decades of HORRENDOUS posture. He's got a generally bad back and if she throws it out he can be bedridden for a few days. Lux: Besides the obvious (missing an eye) he's got chronic pain, both from the many, many injuries he received during the war and in his joints. Usually he manages it with Lunoir healing techniques (using soul energy to help numb the nerves sending pain signals), he also has crutches and a wheelchair for particularly bad days. Ferdinand: None particularly, other than the general aches and pains of wear and age! Alan: Again, besides the obvious (missing his left leg below the knee), xe's hypermobile! They have a cane and a chair for days when walking unassisted hurts too much.

20. Free Space #2: Which of your OCs would you most like to meet in person, if they could become real (or you could visit them) for a day?

Can I say the whole family. skjdfgks but I want to give Lux a hug sooo bad... both because I love him and I think he would give really good hugs. I'd also love to just sit down and talk with any of them! I feel like a lot of myself ended up in Zephyr, so I wonder what that would be like, to meet her both from my perspective and for him to meet me from her perspective.... I'd also be ecstatic to meet thana, she's like the cool aunt who you play games with and hear wild work stories from.. I think she'd be a bit weirded out by the whole "meeting the person who thought you up" thing but I hope we would have a good relationship! Ferdinand would probably take it the best out of anyone, and I feel like we could have a really nice conversation about the nature of creation :] I also want to give him a hug very badly. Alan might be a bit awkward at first? But I think that's how it is with both him and myself when meeting someone new. We could probably bus to the mall or something or just walk around and swap stories about our lives :]

[arromantica-lucha]

i got a lot of thoughts about loveless by alice oseman and if this post seems very one sided well thats just how it read to me. my opinion isnt the end-all and i value how everyone interpreted and was affected by this book. this isnt a closed topic lets talk about it

gripes with loveless by alice oseman

took a while to actually explain that ace and aro are two separate identities and still not that well. it makes aro seem like a subset of ace which is entirely false. its cool there was an aroallo character involved but still

the book title 'loveless' is a real term and identity and the entirety of the book kinda shits on it by enforcing the ideal that its still okay to be aspec cause platonic love can be experienced and any type of love is required or at least better than "not feeling anything and being alone forever"

it was weird for her friends to forgive her over gestures that had nothing to do with apologizing before georgia actually apologized and explained but that may just be more of a personal thing that i didnt like. likewise the story being about platonic love it kinda sucks her deepest connection is with her roommate and not the people shes known for years and wronged

kinda sex negative. i mean rooney says she doesnt dislike casual sex but then that whole thing becomes the reason she hates herself and a reason to cope with being "unloveable" and its kinda lame. you can tell that story without making it seem like casual sex is just a means of devaluing yourself. and you can be sex repulsed and still not do that. it just feels unfair to aroallo people especially who are told they are monsters for enjoying and only wanting casual sex when this book is supposed to be about aromanticism too

(can we also be done with harry potter references??? lets stop hurting trans and jewish people thanks)

basically particular identities' stories shouldnt come at the expense of others and other ways of life. its great and important to write different experiences because no one is gonna relate to them all but no one has to replace romantic love with ANY type of love to feel good about themselves and be human. loveless and aplatonic people shouldnt have to read something that uses rhetoric against their identities within a book about aspec people

things i like about loveless

i didnt relate to it personally but the experiences felt very genuine. internalized aphobia, being hounded by aphobic comments, finding it hard to portray love even in a fictional or artistic sense, etc.

I appreciate the references to race and intersectionality that come with being queer even if they were minimal. so few times is it actually acknowledged that there is privilege when it comes to being understood, coming out, being accepted, etc. the references to that were nice to see because too often intersectionality being brought up is brushed off and blatantly ignored or people pretend like they understand

it was written by someone who is aroace even if there are some things that can be less isolating within the aspec community with the language being used. someone being open about their identities and how they choose to define them in the mainstream world is how we get more peoples voices in there

it has helped people discover their own identity though id still recommend further research on the actual identities being named and ones not named. these stories are the first introduction of aspec identities in mainstream and that hopefully means itll start to expand to other identities within that community that have not yet had representation

this should be the start of developing more rep. the first takes are not gonna represent everyone and its a good thing it exists to tell a few peoples story. but that doesnt mean it should be free from any criticism because thats how we make them continuously better. i hope to see an aroallo character soon. i want the term loveless to be properly used in media and expressed for what it is. i want to stop pretending like ace is the umbrella term for all aspec identities. i want amatonormativity explained as the sociological term it is that harms all life not just aromantic and polyamorous people. i want a polyam aspec character and polyam characters in general. i want disabled and ethnic aspec characters where the intersectionality is just as important to the narrative. i want a whole lot more and to stop prentending like any of that should be unreasonable

[enarei]

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you have even a rudimentary grasp on feminist theory, and could benefit from an education.

maybe you're right, and you're welcome to educate me (like, genuinely, I would probably enjoy that). I would appreciate if you were a bit more specific with what of what I've said makes you think that, because I believe the gist of my argument is very important if not to feminism broadly, to a model of feminism that is capable of incorporating trans women without stabbing them in the back within its critique of patriarchy —namely that there isn't one intrinsic, "natural" female/woman identity or trait that invites misogyny, it's a self-reifying set of relations which creates the necessity for the concept of "womanhood" to exist, performing a woman's roles and being perceived as a woman is what makes women, women, and that includes trans women, there's little more to it than that

if you wanna set yourself apart from everyone and say you're actually a real woman, because you say you are, and dissect the difference from the transfem that doesn't necessarily think of their relation to gender through the same exclusive binary lens, however that manifests in practice, whichever labels and pronouns they choose to use, then do so, but I think you'll find that gets us no closer to examining why we are actually oppressed and the ideas we have to disseminate to counter that, because that line, while important for self-actualization, isn't actually very relevant to how we're perceived, which is often the most important aspect of how we're treated by society. while we can affirm our personal identity in relationships that are both recurring and premised on mutual respect, we don't get that privilege most of the time, and people's understanding of us are based on assumptions.

it does not matter then that you ID as a woman and the other person doesn't if you never get the opportunity to say that, it's completely irrelevant. if you are both read as <genderweird person dressed like a woman & male voice>, you're both legitimate targets for modes of violence for people associated with the words "tranny faggot".

I also find this very disingenuous because it ignores that passing, presenting as our preferred gender, isn't always a possibility, likewise, the implication that "men" by necessity can't be discriminated for gender non-conformity under exactly the same rules as non-passing trans women is completely arbitrary. you don't know how other people are being read, you don't know if they're being read as a gay man or a tranny trying to hide the fact they're tranny, or something in between, how okay the interviewer is with either and where do they draw the line. you simply don't know that! we could run the same thought experiment where a trans woman is boymoding for a job interview, wearing a binder to hide her tits (something I've done countless times), using her deadname and not displaying any signs of femininity, and she gets the job and the "man" who has a panty wearing kink and maybe also presents a lot more overtly effeminate in public doesn't, because the interviewer thought she was less of a faggot.

even if the "man" may have an easier time concealing what you would call a "fetish" at work, something you can't really distinguish from a normal aspect of a person's gender expression without a degree of moralism, are trans women that are not always out, or hide their transness at their job, not subjected to transmisogyny, are they not deserving of calling themselves trans women? should we shun them and lump them with "chasers" because they are not baring their femininity full time and being pummeled for that constantly? like, where do you draw the line? and I'm not saying the guy who likes to wear his wife's skirt while she pegs him and is otherwise a massive homophobe the rest of the time gets it like you or me, but I think it's pretty obtuse to pretend the line between "binary trans woman" and "non-trans CAMAB person who cross-dresses; whose oppression should be understood under the framing of transmisogyny", can only be measured by those two points.

[lesboygamzee]

i have refined a transfem tavros essay thingy i wrote recently because it was initially something i quickly wanted to write out for a friend because someone was being a cunt about her getting into the transfem swag bracket but i wanted to extend it and tidy it up a bit because i was RIGHT im so smart . under the cut because it is like comically long . did you guys know i love her

tavros' journey as a page of breath on it's own reads to me as a journey a closeted queer person would go through, of course on a larger scale. being a hero of breath means having strong ties to freedom, confidence, fluidity, and change, among other things. of these, tavros has the strongest ties to freedom and confidence, but she of course she embodies most to all themes surrounding breath.     as a page, the structure of her journey involves her initally lacking her aspect (so in tavros' case, she begins with little freedom, as well as self-esteem issues), and overtime growing to embody her aspect. while this obviously manifests in more obvious ways, i think it's important for a trans reading of her to take into account how this would also show through her being allowed to express herself in the ways she wants to.

tying into the previous point; tavros is a character repeatedly forced into a masculine role by other characters (whether it be actively trying to get her to play the part of a masculine figure, or is simply the result of how other characters expect her story to play out). due to it taking away her freedom on the matter, it ends up fitting (unsurprisingly) awkwardly, and when this happens she is mocked for not being able to play the part.     when she is actually allowed to choose her role, she fits it far better. she is meant to be given freedom as a breath player, and this involves not only not sticking to a confined role (e.g. she assembles the ghost army on her own only to pass on the leadership to meenah, giving up her position to essentially play support instead) but to take on each on her own terms rather than just going with what's expected of her.     (of course, this isn't a situation specific to transfeminine people. anyone in some way viewed as a man is going to be assigned certain standards by others and mocked for being unable to conform to said standards, as happens to anyone viewed as a woman with female standards, but i do find this type of situation to be something that can deepen a reading of a character as trans when paired with everything else.)

outside of the breath aspect, tavros shares common themes with aradia and vriska. they're all fairy-themed characters; aradia is described as a red pixie, and vriska is frequently compared to a fairy (& her ancestor is the inspiration for blue fairies on alternia, as well as being a joke on 'exposition fairy' pre-scratch).     of the three, tavros' fairy themes are the most prevalent from the beginning. one of her main interests is in blue fairies, her lusus is a fairy bull she named 'tinkerbull', and her ancestor had a mutation that caused the growth of fairy wings.     notably, of the three, tavros is the only one to not god-tier in the alpha timeline, making her the only fairy without wings. the only fairy that isn't immediately recognisable as one, the only fairy who doesn't 'pass'. self explanatory.

if you also read vriska as transfeminine, there's something to be said about one of the reasons why she resents tavros. specifically, tavros not suffering in the same way vriska does.     i feel it's self explanatory as to why i can read a potential part of this dynamic as vriska being a trans woman who experiences very strong dysphoria, and getting jealous that tavros doesn't seem to be showing signs of it, but still wanting to present as a girl. what i'm saying is vriska is truscum i can't be overly verbose here she's such a fucking failgirl good lord.

other things of note:

•tavros specifically names her fairy bull lusus 'tinkerbull', after a female fictional character. all lusii share a gender with their ward, making tinkerbull male, but tavros still chooses to address him with a name that could give the impression that he's female. •in the dream bubbles, a ghost of tavros is shown wearing a fairy dress with fake wings. i feel like this ties into my earlier point of her being a fairy that doesn't pass.

conclusion: transfem swag

[sir-adamus]

i’ve been seeing some stuff in the spider-verse tags for the past few weeks and i just wanted to put some of my thoughts on it together

and just disclaimer right at the top cos i think it’s necessary - i’m a cis guy, so if i say something stupid and/or ignorant here, i swear it isn’t intentional and feel free to let me know so i can be more mindful and informed in future

so getting into it: what i’ve been seeing has been responses to the discussions about the movie implying that Gwen is trans, or at the very least coding her as trans - and these responses have varied between being direct replies to just posts within the tags - all of them along the vein of ‘actually i think it was the Peter of Gwen’s universe that’s trans, not Gwen herself’

and i’m not saying anything new here, i don’t think - again, i’m just trying to collect my thoughts more than anything - but i’m kinda skeptical about it. like i don’t know any of these people, i can’t say anything for their intent in regards to that line of thinking, but it raises a few eyebrows y’know?

and to break it down, i’m gonna start with why i don’t think the movie lends itself to that interpretation from an amateur analytical perspective, and then go into the big obvious reason why that seems sketchy

so 1) i think in terms of allegory and themes, Gwen is trans - like the colours of the trans flag appear (at least, as far as i’m aware) three times throughout the movie, all in her apartment and all in relation to Gwen. the first time on her dad’s jacket above his badge, which isn’t there in other scenes, so i think it’s meant to be there more symbolically than literally and likely to foreshadow his later acceptance of her and choosing Gwen over his job. second time is like a minute after that in her bedroom with the Protect Trans Kids poster - and in media, how a character’s room is decorated and shown is meant to inform you about aspects of their character - putting that poster in her room, above the door so you can’t see it unless you’re inside the room, it communicates that this is important to Gwen. and then the third time, when she’s giving the impassioned speech to her father about having to hide half of who she is from the people she loves, the mood ring nature of Earth-65 bathes her in the colours of the flag; which is honestly just blatant at that point what’s being communicated there

to have all that and then go ‘actually this character is trans and Gwen is only an ally’ kinda undercuts all that use of colour and allegory, it doesn’t really make sense to me to do all that with Gwen, confuses the messaging, y’know? especially with a character who only appears for like a minute. like i think you kinda have to start with Gwen being (or at the very least coded as) trans and go from there for any of the above to make sense - that’s just what seems obvious to me (i admit i’ve a penchant for being very optimistic, but still)

and 2) the big obvious reason: implying a character is trans and then having that character be... the guy that is dead before we ever met him (with the one mention of him in the first movie being that he’s dead) and his sole impact on the story is how his death has affected another character is kinda... iffy (to put it very mildly). like if you’re going to expand on a character backstory and introduce themes and allegories and implication with regards to a character being transgender, then only applying that to the character who is already dead and him being dead was the first thing we learned about him, and his character still isn’t explored that much in Gwen’s reiterated backstory in Across, that just doesn’t seem like a good writing move to me, on top of the above about it not really making much sense