#homophobia again today ladies

[junkdyke]

crying while doing your makeup should be an olympic sport

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 27: Found

You try to figure out what you want. Joel and Ellie go on patrol.A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-26 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst. CLEARLY. It's me. Homophobia. Smut-adjacent. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 11.3k (THIS IS GETTING TO BE A PROBLEM I'M SO SORRY)

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Late August, 2027 

“You’re making this hard on purpose,” Ellie’s nose scrunched as she held her guitar. 

You laughed. 

“Promise, Kiddo, I’m not.” 

“Sometimes I really don’t like you, you know,” she grumbled. You snorted. “I’m serious! Swear you make me do shit the hard way because you fucking enjoy watching me struggle…” 

“You learn better when you do it yourself and do it the hard way,” you shrugged, leaning back against a post of your porch. You stretched a leg out onto the step below and picked a little at your guitar. “You’ll never learn if I just give you all the answers.” 

“Yeah yeah,” she muttered, leaning to the side to add more of her disorganized scrawl to her notebook. “Swear you didn’t have to work this hard at shit…” 

“I started a lot younger than you,” you replied, picking up the pace on your guitar and adding slaps and pops, no real rhyme or reason to it, just what your fingers felt like doing. “Everything is easier when you start young. And hey, you’ve got a leg up on any asshole who tries to learn when they’re my age.” 

“Because you’re a dinosaur?” She looked up at you from her notebook, a small smirk on her face. 

“Nah,” you replied. “They’d been dead like three years when I was born, I’m not THAT old.” 

She laughed and went back to her notes as you kept playing, looking out down the path from your yard to the road beyond. 

It was sweltering hot and you’d never been more thankful for a breeze or the fact that it was your day off from the stables. The hair that had pulled loose from your braids stuck to your skin and you’d been sweating all day, waking up with your sheets balled up at the foot of your bed and your tank top damp even with the ceiling fan on. You hadn’t even put on jeans that day, throwing on one of the few dresses that had made their way into your closet in the almost two years you’d been in Jackson. The first you’d taken when Maria mentioned seeing one she thought would fit you, not long before things fell apart with Joel. You’d intended to wear it to the Tipsy Bison on a night there was dancing once it was warmer, opening the door to Joel when you were dressed like what your mother would call “a proper lady.” You’d pictured dancing with him, his hand sliding up the inside of your thigh when you sat down to have a drink until you couldn’t take it anymore and you practically dragged him home, riding him with the skirt bunched up around your waist the second you were in the door. 

That had never happened. That dress stayed tucked safely away at the back of your closet, not able to bring yourself to part with it and the image of that night with him. 

The other dress was perfect for days like today, long and loose and thin cotton that made the oppressive heat of late summer tolerable. Even if Ellie had looked at you like you had two heads when she saw you in the damn thing. 

You didn’t mind, though. You were just glad that you had gotten to the point that you liked spending time with Ellie again. That you’d started feeling much of anything at all. 

The first month you got back was hazy. You didn’t really leave your house at first, not able to contribute much at the stable and not seeing a reason to move otherwise. 

You weren’t entirely sure how many days passed before there was the first knock at your door. 

It wasn’t an Ellie knock. The sound didn’t carry her chaotic energy or almost audacious nature. Instead, it was hesitant but sturdy and firm without being forceful or insistent. You stayed flat on your back, staring up at the ceiling of the closet for a minute to see if the knock would come again. It didn’t. You stared at the ceiling a while longer but, eventually, you had to pee. You forced yourself to move and, on your way back from the bathroom, passed your front door. You hesitated for a moment before you went and opened it, to see if whoever knocked had left a note. 

On your porch was a box filled with crackers and jerky and fruit and carrots and celery. All things you could eat without needing to cook or, really, do anything at all. You knew it was from Joel, even though it hadn’t sounded like his knock, either. There was no one else who would have brought it because no one else knew why you were locked inside your home. But he was no where to be seen. He didn’t leave a note. 

A few days later, you forced yourself to go to the stable to check on the horses. The fillies and the colt weren’t making much progress without you - you’d have to probably start nearly from scratch with them once your arm healed - but you were able to feel somewhat useful, brushing horses down, checking on their hooves to see when they’d need to be shoed, just giving them some love and attention. That helped you feel a little more like yourself. 

Ellie started coming by again a few days after that. She showed up one afternoon with a CD and a sandwich from the mess hall, marching into your living room like nothing had happened, complaining about another kid in town and how Joel wasn’t going to let her patrol with anyone but him for a while. 

“I could get partnered with Dina but no,” she drew the last word out, sprawled on your couch, rolling her eyes as she did. “The old man is convinced I’m going to drop dead if he’s not looking out for me for five minutes…” 

“I’m sure he’ll ease up once he sees how capable you are,” you said, sitting on the loveseat and picking up the CD case she’d brought with her. The Clash this time. “Mick Jones and Joe Strummer, nice choice. Why do you want to go out with Dina, anyway? I thought not everything was about girls…” 

“Shut up.” 

“Nah.” 

You were’t sure if you were really doing better or if you’d just found a way to push the hurt down inside yourself again. You weren’t sure there was a way to recover from this, from the idea that you’d probably never see your child again. Clinging to the possibility felt so necessary but so foolish. You weren’t sure if it was reason or denial but it didn’t really matter. You weren’t sure you could live without that possibility dulling the jagged edges of your grief and pain. 

The boxes of food made regular appearances on your porch. You never saw Joel. 

When you were close to getting your cast off, Ellie came by your house but didn’t shove her way inside the way she usually did. Instead, she hovered on your porch. 

“OK don’t be mad,” she said, a serious look on her face. 

“Off to a great start,” you replied.

She glared at you for a second before pressing on. 

“Joel sent me with a message,” she said. “He wanted me to tell you that the movie tonight was something called Ever After and that he thought you would like it and that he wasn’t going to be there so you should go. And to not be mad. I think you shouldn’t be mad, too, by the way.” 

“Not mad,” you smiled a little. “I just… I don’t know…” 

“Come on, Bambi,” Ellie said, dropping some of her pretense now. “Dina’s going with Jesse and I’ve never seen it and I really don’t want to be stuck sitting by them while they suck face.” 

You sighed, looking back over your shoulder in the direction of Joel’s house. You found yourself looking that way a lot. 

“Alright,” you said after a moment, looking back at Ellie. “I’ll go. But only to save you from your crush…” 

“I’m going to ignore that last part and just be happy you’re going,” she said, a little smug. “Even though you’re annoying about it.” 

“So annoying,” you agreed, stepping into your boots, turning on the lamp and following her out the door. 

It was strangely easy to adjust to being around the people of Jackson again. Ellie gave you something to focus on, busy trying to distract her from the Dina and Jesse acting exactly like you remembered some of your friends in high school acted with their boyfriends. 

“What’s this movie about, anyway?” Ellie asked as the two of you settled in toward the back of the room. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it,” you said. “But I think it was like Cinderella.” 

Ellie looked at you and made a face. 

“Like the fairy tale.” 

“Yup,” you replied. She stared at you and you laughed a little. “What?” 

“I’m just trying to picture you liking a fucking fairy tale.” 

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms as best you could with one in a cast. 

“What?” She teased. “Don’t tell me you like some stupid story where love solves everyone’s problems…” 

“What’s wrong with that?” Julie, the woman you’d seen a few times at the Tipsy Bison and when she went out on patrol, appeared alongside Ellie, a large bowl of popcorn in her hands. 

“It’s bullshit,” Ellie said. “There’s a reason they’re stories for little kids.” 

“Maybe you just haven’t loved that way yet,” she smiled a little before nodding to the chair on the other side of you. “Seat taken?” 

You hoped you didn’t just stare at her for too long. People didn’t just talk to you in Jackson, not without a reason, let alone try to sit by you. You weren’t entirely sure what to do with it.

“All yours,” you said, tugging your legs in close so she could pass you and sit down. She settled in beside you and smiled, holding out the bowl. 

“Thanks,” she said. “Popcorn?” 

“Sure,” you said after a moment, taking some with your good hand. “Thank you.” 

“Course,” she smiled a little bigger in a lopsided, almost cocky way. “What’s the point of popcorn if you don’t share it?” 

The movie was good. You’d only seen it once or twice before the outbreak but you’d liked it then, too. Cinderella was smart and capable, the prince was handsome and kind and you liked to imagine the way life was in that period of time. 

“OK so that wasn’t terrible,” Ellie said as you headed out with her and Julie. 

“Told you,” you teased a little. 

“No one told me that sometimes the girls in fairy tales got to be badasses,” she replied. “I might have liked the stories more then!” 

“The girls are always badasses,” Julie said. “They just try to hide it, scares the men otherwise.” 

Ellie snorted. 

“Sounds right.” 

You reached Joel’s. There was a light on in his living room and you felt the familiar tug in you to go inside and join him. Just let yourself in the front door and settle in like it was yours. 

“I’m gonna go tell the old man that his taste in movies isn’t totally awful,” Ellie said, heading up the front walk. “Still want help tomorrow at the stable?” 

“Stalls ain’t gonna muck themselves,” you replied and held up your still healing arm. “And this isn’t much help.” 

“Ugh,” she groaned good naturedly. “Night!” 

You watched until she made it to the front door - not that the precaution was really necessary here but it made you feel better - and you turned to Julie, your good hand stuffed in your pocket. 

“I’m that way and to the left,” you said. “So…” 

“Mind if I join you?” She asked. “Nice night, figure I’ll take the scenic route.” 

You looked at her for a moment. 

“Sure,” you shrugged. “Not much to see though.” 

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” she smiled one of those lopsided smiles and fell into step beside you, walking a little slower than you and you slowed down to match her pace. You looked ahead. “So, how’ve you been doing? Don’t see you at the Bison much anymore.” 

“Fine,” you shrugged. “Just haven’t felt like going out.” You looked over at her and had the passing thought that she was pretty. Young, with long, dark hair and bright eyes and full lips.“How about you?” 

“Oh you know,” she waved you off. “Same old, same old. The berries are coming into season though, have you been to check out the orchards and stuff?” 

“I’ve ridden past them,” you said. “Haven’t exactly spent time there, though.” 

“You should!” She brightened at that, even more than she already was. The two of you came to a stop at your front walk. “Think you’d like it. You should come with me sometime, it’d be fun.” 

“Yeah, maybe,” you smiled a little tightly. “This is me, so…” 

“Nice place,” she smiled back, looking more genuine than yours felt. “Well, whenever you want to check it out, let me know. Hope to see you around.” 

“You too,” you said, standing there awkwardly for a moment before turning and heading up the walk and into your house. 

You went to the mess hall the next morning for breakfast. Dinner, too. And soon, your cast was off and you were going there for most meals, even if it was just to grab something to bring home or go to the stables. The food boxes stopped showing up on your porch. 

Instead, you’d come back from the stables and find new guitar strings waiting for you there or a CD that you didn’t have or a copy of Titanic on VHS, the one that took two tapes and you had to get up halfway through to change it. 

You’d told Joel he should move on. You weren’t sure if you really wanted him to - you doubted you’d be able to stomach seeing him with someone else - but you didn’t want him to be alone, either. You didn’t want to drag him down with you just because you couldn’t separate his past from your own. 

“OK so I think I have it,” Ellie said, pulling you out of your head and making your fingers still. “Can you look?” 

She shoved the notebook your way and you leaned over your guitar to look at it, fingering the chords but not playing them. 

“Yeah,” you said after a minute. “I think that’s probably closer to what you’re looking for, give it a go.” 

You pushed the notebook back towards her and she set her guitar on her lap, adjusting it for a second before playing it. You nodded along, watching as she scrunched her face, getting more and more frustrated before she groaned. 

“That’s not right either,” she leaned her head back on the post at her back. “Song writing shouldn’t be this hard. This is bullshit.” 

“The shit that’s worth doing is hard, kid,” you shrugged. “Why don’t you try thinking about it again for a minute. Do you want it to feel urgent or slow and confident? Both are strong but they’re going to have different vibes.” 

She sighed and closed her eyes. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Well,” you shrugged, settling back with your guitar. “Figure out how you’re feeling and what you want the song to say about it. It’ll come to you.” 

You went back to playing as Ellie picked her notebook back up, gnawing on the end of her pen. 

“I didn’t know you played!” 

You stopped and your head shot up from its place on the post to see Julie standing at the end of your walk, her hands in the pockets of her shorts, her thick hair piled on top of her head, her arms looking sculpted and strong in her tank top. 

“Sorry,” she laughed. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Can I come up?” 

“Um…” 

“Sure!” Ellie said before you had a chance to really think about it. Julie reached over the short fence and unlatched the gate before opening it and coming up to your porch, sitting on the bottom step so she was looking up at you and Ellie. 

“Didn’t know there was a guitar club in town,” she said, folding one leg into her chest and looping her arms around her shin. “Don’t stop on my account! What song was that?” 

“Oh, that wasn’t anything,” you said, running your fingers up and down the neck of the guitar. “Just… fidgeting, really.” 

“Yeah, Bambi is fucking awesome,” Ellie said. “Best guitar player in town, easy.” 

“Ellie,” you gave her a look but she ignored you. 

“Seriously, you name it and she can probably play it,” she said. “She knows so much about music it’s insane.” 

“Not really,” you cut her off. “I just like music so I learned about what I liked, that’s all…” 

“Oh bullshit,” Ellie rolled her eyes. “She’s a human juke box, try her.” 

“Do you mind?” Julie asked, looking at you with her brows raised. Her eyes were bright green and almost sharp. 

“As long as you’re prepared to be disappointed,” you shrugged. “I can try.” 

Ellie scoffed and Julie ignored her. 

“I remember this song from when I was a kid, just before the outbreak,” she said. “It actually took me a while to track down the name of it after and you might think it’s silly but… I’m With You? Know that one?” 

You smiled a little. 

“I know that one,” you said, settling the guitar on your lap. “Haven’t tried to play it before, though. Avril’s not really my wheelhouse, so… go easy on me.” 

You couldn’t remember exactly how the song started but you remembered the chorus and you remembered a verse from there. The music just trailed off at the end, not really remembering how the song ended either, and you awkwardly drummed your fingers on the body of the guitar when you stopped playing, Ellie and Julie both watching you. 

“Right, well,” you said. “Like I said, not really my wheelhouse and…” 

“That was fantastic!” Julie cut you off, her broad smile making the freckles on her cheeks rise. 

“Told you,” Ellie said. “She’s the best.” 

“Well I figured that much,” Julie rolled her eyes a little dramatically but smiled that cocky smile as she did before looking back to you again. “Thanks for letting me put you on the spot.” 

“Any time,” you said before you really had a chance to think about it. She smiled a little bigger. 

“Hey, so, I hadn’t meant to break up the jam session,” she said. “I was actually coming by to see if you wanted to come with me tomorrow afternoon, I was going to head out to the orchards for a bit. You’re welcome to join, get outside for a bit. It’s nice, promise.” 

“Um,” you said for what felt like the millionth time that day, trying to picture the stable schedule. “I think that would work, I have some patrols leaving that morning but should be able to step away for a bit in the afternoon…” 

“Perfect,” she said, getting up. “I need to get down to the Bison but I’ll meet you at the stables tomorrow?” 

“That’s where I’ll be,” you smiled in a way you hoped was genuine. “Looking forward to it.” 

“It’ll be fun,” she said. “I’ll see you then. Bye, Ellie!” 

“Bye Julie,” she dragged her name out and gave you a look. You seriously considered kicking her. Julie laughed and started down your walk, only making it halfway to the gate before turning around and walking backwards, looking back at you with her hands in her back pockets. 

“Nice dress, by the way,” she said. “It works for you. See you tomorrow!” 

You went back to messing with your guitar as you tried to not watch her walk up the lane. Ellie was far less delicate, craning her neck until Julie turned the corner. 

She spun to face you and swatted your leg. 

“Oh my GOD,” she half whispered, half yelled at you. 

“What?” You asked, fingers stilling on the strings. 

“That!” She said. “All that fucking flirting!” 

“Ellie…” 

“Oh come ON,” she cut you off. “You may as well have fucked right on your porch, Jesus Christ…” 

“OK I will say this again,” you said, setting your guitar down beside you. “Who is and isn’t between my legs? Not your business.” 

“Well that’s just not true,” she rolled her eyes. “You’re the one who fucked Joel and made it my business.” You sighed and went to reply but she held up a hand. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather you two work your shit out and get back together. But if you’re not going to figure it out then you shouldn’t just be miserable and lonely forever and Julie is hot as fuck.” 

“Ellie!” You hissed. 

“What!” She replied, her brows raised. “She is!” 

“Jesus…” 

“Just saying!” She said, her hands up in mock surrender. “Julie’s cool. And hot. I think you’d have fun. And you should at least try to have some fun sometimes instead of just being miserable all the time.”

“What if I like being miserable.” 

“Just don’t chicken out,” Ellie said, ignoring you and picking up her guitar before getting to her feet. “But I’m getting hungry. Think I’ll go see what the old man is doing for dinner. You’re welcome to come along if you’d rather not be miserable with us…” 

“Ellie.” 

“Right, right,” she rolled her eyes. “I mean it, fucking go tomorrow. You big chicken.” 

“Go home, you little brat,” you replied. She cheerfully flipped you off before heading back toward Joel’s. 

You sat on your porch for a while longer, absently playing and watching as the color of the sky slowly shifted from blue to pink to deep, inky black. The darkness seemed to swallow everything, like there wasn’t anything beyond what was right in front of you. But you knew that if you walked far enough, followed the light of the north star, you’d find things beyond what consumed here and now. 

It was late when you finally went inside, scrounging in your kitchen for the last of some of what Joel had brought you even though you weren’t particularly hungry. You turned on the stereo and just let whatever CD you’d put in last play, not really paying attention 

You found yourself thinking about Julie. About what Ellie said about Julie. 

It had been a long time since you’d had a woman flirt with you. You’d been with your fair share of women since the outbreak but flirting hadn’t really been part of it. Marisa was the first woman you’d slept with and, after Savvy came along, you stopped seeking out that kind of connection with men and kept it to strictly women. It just seemed safer. After Marisa, it had always been casual - you didn’t think you could bear another heartbreak like that - and it had always been fairly blunt. You could generally tell if they were interested in letting off some physical steam and, if they were, you had fun for a few days before they moved on. 

But things with Julie reminded you of one of your first crushes, a girl who did trick riding on the same circuit as you when you were a girl. You’d first noticed Courtney when you were both 13. She was so beautiful you couldn’t help but stare at her. At first, you’d almost resented her. She was good, damn good, and she was full of charismatic smiles and she dusted glitter across her collarbones that peeked out from the top of her costume. She was exactly who your mother wished you were and, as much as you loved bronc and bull and roping, part of you wanted to be who your mother wanted you to be. You wanted to be satisfied with what she wanted for you and you wanted to be happy being who Courtney was so effortlessly. Life would be simpler and happier if you were content with that and Courtney was proof that life existed. And you wanted it.

You settled for beating her, for a while. Narrowing your eyes at her when you passed her between rounds at competitions, looking her way when you saw your scores narrowly eclipse hers on the board. You loved it. The only thing you wanted more than beating her was her. 

Hell if you knew what to do with that. 

In hindsight, you weren’t sure she knew, either.

The first time she’d said more than two words to you was when you’d smirked at her as you held the first place trophy. You went to the locker room after the awards ceremony and you had the place almost to yourself, most of the other girls already cleaned out. The third place winner - a girl who’s name you didn’t remember - left and it was just a few seconds later that you heard the door slam into the wall. You looked up to see Courtney stalking over to you. You could see the glitter on her collarbones and her cheeks, her eyes hot and her lips full. 

“Want to tell me what the hell your problem is?” She demanded, getting so close to you that you could smell her body spray. It was almost sickly sweet and floral but on her it smelled good. “What did I ever do to you? Why do you hate me so much!” 

“I don’t hate you…” you said. 

“Could’ve fooled me!” She cut you off. 

“Why do you care?” You snapped. “We compete, we’re not friends, who cares if I hate you?” 

“I care!” She snapped back. 

“Why!” 

“Because I like you!” She yelled, breathless. You just blinked at her for a moment as she caught her breath, her eyes drifting to your lips. “I like you and sometimes…” 

She didn’t get a chance to finish. Instead, you kissed her. 

It was clumsy and deeply uncertain. You’d never kissed anyone before and you had no idea what you were doing, your hands locked tight at your sides as though touching her anywhere at all was against the rules but you were risking it, anyway. Her mouth was warm and soft and it seemed oddly wet even though that made sense when you thought about it. 

After a moment you pulled back from her slightly, your eyes wide, not really believing what you’d just done. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, your turn to be breathless now. “I… I don’t know…” 

“Shut up,” she kissed you that time, pressing you back against the lockers, stretching up to better reach your lips, her body hot on your own. You kissed her back, trying to focus and take in everything. How she tasted, how she smelled, how her costume hugged the slight curve of her waist. 

“Courtney!” Her mother’s shrill voice from the hall made her jump away from you and wipe her mouth on the back of her hand. “You about ready honey?” 

“One minute!” She called back before turning to you. “Do you have a some paper?” 

You just nodded and fumbled in your bag for a notebook. She turned to a random page that happened to have some history notes on it and wrote her name and number at the top. Her handwriting was soft and curved and feminine and you envied that, too. She drew a little heart next to it. 

“Call me,” she said, pressing the notebook into your chest. “OK?” 

“Yeah,” you said, staring at her. You couldn’t help but stare at her. “Yeah, I will.” 

“Good,” she smiled. “See you next time, superstar. Maybe I’ll finish on top then.” 

“Courtney!” 

“Coming!” She grabbed her bag out of a nearby locker and gave you an almost sly smile before she ran out to meet her mother. 

From then on, most of your time with her was flirting. In between rounds at competitions or on the phone when you were far apart, carefully crafting your words so you’d have plausible deniability with your parents but know what the other meant. You wrote each other letters when you were apart, counted the days until you got to see each other again. When you found an empty spot when you were in the same place, you ended up tangled up together, kissing and fumbling against each other, figuring out what seemed to stoke the fires deep inside yourselves in the small moments you could find for just the two of you. 

That continued for just over a year when Courtney came to a tournament with a somber expression on her face. You frowned but she gave you a subtle shake of her head as she passed you and you kept quiet. It took a few hours before you were able to get her alone and she told you the truth of it. That her mom had found your letters to her - thankfully not signed so she had no idea who had written them but still obviously from another girl - and had told her daughter that she, unequivocally, would end it. 

“But…” you protested, trying not to cry. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice thick. “But… she threatened to send me to one of those camps if I don’t and… I can’t go to that, OK? I can’t, I don’t think I could make it and…” 

You held onto her as she cried, her tears making little rivers in the glitter on her skin. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I really… I think I…” 

You kissed her before she said it. 

“Me too,” you said quietly when you pulled away. 

She sniffed and smiled a small smile.

“Maybe in another life, right?” 

“Right,” you smiled a little back. 

She dried her eyes as best she could and you watched from the stands as she gave the best performance you’d ever seen. You did the opposite. Your routine ended with a full Stroud Layout but your top foot slipped when you were getting into position and you fell off your horse, tumbling over and over yourself in the sand of the arena, the feel of it gritty in your mouth as your head spun when your body finally came to a stop. 

You didn’t make the podium and your mother didn’t push you to compete again for a while. You never saw Courtney again. 

You weren’t sure how to navigate things with Julie. You weren’t sure what you wanted to navigate with Julie. She was beautiful, yes. And she seemed kind and funny and smart. She seemed like someone you could have fun with and could care about. 

But she wasn’t Joel. You weren’t sure you could feel like you felt for him for anyone else. It seemed silly to even try. And if you couldn’t feel like that, what was the point? 

You tried to sleep but gave up eventually. After a while, you found the moose carving you’d started when you were out with Joel, looking for Savvy. It was getting closer to being done, though it was still a rough hewn thing. You weren’t sure anyone who didn’t know what it was supposed to be would realize what it was without help. But still, it felt good to make something. You let yourself be absorbed by carving it for a bit, until it felt like you’d shut your mind down enough to sleep. You set the moose down on the nightstand, arranging him so it was like he was watching you sleep, the red splotch from your blood still staining his chest.

You brought him with you to the stables the next day for something to work on when you needed the distraction. Just sitting there with your thoughts when you had downtime seemed like a bad idea. 

“You’re gonna tell me all about it, right?” Ellie asked as you gave Shimmer and Ares a final once over that morning. 

“I don’t need to tell you every time I hang out with someone,” you replied. 

“Whatever,” she said. “Just don’t chicken out. Actually go, you need a social life…” 

“What, getting sick of keeping me company all the time?” You teased, handing her the reins. 

“Yeah, you’re pretty fucking boring,” she smirked a little. You snorted. “I’m serious though. Promise you’ll go.” 

“I’m going,” you said, giving her a gentle shove toward the door. “Get out of here. Be safe on patrol, see you back tonight.” 

“Not if you’re at Julie’s you won’t,” she waggled her eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes as you watched her lead her and Joel’s horses out of the stables. 

Time dragged until that afternoon and you found yourself feeling oddly nervous, waiting for Julie to come by. You weren’t sure what time she was supposed to get there and, you realized, you didn’t know what to actually expect with any of this. 

Yeah, it had felt like flirting. And Ellie seemed sure that it was. But Ellie was a kid and your recent experience in that department was so limited you really knew fuck all about it. What if you’d read the situation completely wrong? What if Julie was just a nice woman who wanted to be friends? 

“Hey you,” Julie’s voice surprised you enough that it made you jump, water sloshing over the side of the bucket you were carrying to top off one of the horses. “Shit, I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you…” 

“You’re fine,” you said quickly, refilling a waterer and setting the bucket down. 

“Now still good?” She asked. “Because I’m not in a rush, today is my day off…” 

“Now’s good,” you said quickly, trying not to think too hard about what she was wearing. Her long, lush hair was softly braided and hung over her shoulder, loose strands framing her face. Her shorts were short and her legs were long and sculpted and she wore a few long necklaces that settled into the curve between her breasts. She smiled. 

“Great!” She held up a bag you hadn’t noticed before. “Brought snacks. Not that we’ll need much, it’s peak berry season out there. We could eat ourselves sick and not make a dent.” 

“Don’t tempt me,” you smiled a little. 

“Oh, I intend to,” she smiled back. 

Julie led the way out of town, smiling and chatting with the guards at the gate for a moment before heading toward the orchards just east of town. 

“So why are you heading out here on your day off?” You asked, looking over at her. 

“Well as I think you know, one of my main contributions to the good people of Jackson is tending bar at the Bison,” she smiled. “But that’s because I just really like drinks. I found this old cocktail book when I was a teenager and I just kind of became obsessed, I guess? There was that and these books and magazines that showed what it was like before and I wanted to do that. Have the experience of going to a bar when life was different, you know? And yeah, we make some pretty decent booze here in town - or I think we do, anyway, didn’t really get to try any before - but that’s not all it takes to make a good cocktail. I can’t make a Coke or anything but I can make the syrups and infusions and things. I like to experiment in my spare time so I come out here, pick the supplies I need, and give things a try at home before I bring my ideas into the Bison.” 

“Do I get to know what you’re working on?” You asked, brows raised. 

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” she smirked. “But I will need a guinea pig before too long if you’re game…” 

“Far be it from me to turn down a free drink,” you replied and she smiled bigger. 

The orchards were, indeed, beautiful. You followed her to a particularly dense spot and she pulled a blanket out of the bag, spreading it on the ground in the shade of an apple tree. 

“I won’t lie,” she said, sitting back on her hands and closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. “This is probably my favorite spot.” 

“I can see why,” you nodded, drawing your knees into your chest and looking around. “It’s gorgeous here.” 

“It’s quiet here,” she laughed a little. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Jackson. Way better than the QZ we were in when I was a kid. It’s a good place with good people. I love the people, truly, I do. But everyone knows everyone and knows everything about everyone and it’s so hard to have anything for yourself, you know?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “It’s a great place but… it’s definitely a lot.” 

You talked a little about your pasts. You told her - vaguely, lightly - about your time before Mitchum. She told you about her time in the Denver QZ and you almost fainted when she said she was only 31 years old. 

“How old were you when the world ended?” You gaped at her. “Do you even remember?” 

“I was seven,” she laughed. “I remember a bit. How old were you?” 

“Older than that,” you replied. “Jesus…” 

“Not that old, clearly,” she said, picking a blackberry off a bush and holding it out to you. “This is a good one, you should have it.” 

“Old enough,” you replied. “And if it’s good, you should have it.” 

“I have them all the time,” she said, stepping close to you. You were suddenly acutely aware of the fact that you were wearing the same clothes you’d been wearing when working with the horses all day and you hoped you didn’t smell. She pressed the berry to your lips. “Try it.” 

You obeyed, taking the fruit into your mouth and biting into it, the juice bursting on your tongue. 

“See?” She smiled. “Told you.” 

The two of you ended up back on the blanket and you stretched out on it, looking up at the clouds drifting lazily past overhead, arms bare - too hot to wear anything more than a tank top - but not feeling overly exposed. Julie lay next to you, her arm brushing your own. 

“Is it weird that I sometimes don’t feel like I missed out?” She asked. You felt her adjust next to you and you glanced her way to see her lying on her side, facing you. “I mean I know there was a lot before that we don’t have now but… I dunno, I guess I still wanted to be a ballerina when the world ended. It doesn’t feel like I really gave up all that much, you know?” 

“Think that has as much to do with Jackson as anything else,” you replied, adjusting so that you were facing her. “But I get that, in a way. If I’d found Jackson when I was younger, I think I’d feel the same. Shit, what I’m doing now is exactly what I grew up wanting to do. If it wasn’t for all the time in between, the end of the world would have just turned into me getting just what I wanted. Besides all the death anyway.” 

“Think you’re right about the Jackson thing,” she smiled a little. “It’s a special place with good people. Like a few better than the others, though.” 

“Yeah?” 

She reached out and brushed some of the hair that had fallen from your braid back from your face and trailed her fingers down your cheek and your chin. 

“Yup.” 

She leaned in then, moving slow and holding your gaze, giving you all the time in the world to stop her if you wanted. 

You didn’t. 

Her kiss was soft and gentle, her lips smooth on yours. She tasted and smelled sweet and her hand went to your hip, tugging you against her. 

Julie’s body was softer than you expected as she pressed against you and, in so many ways, she felt safe and comfortable there. But she felt foreign, too. You’d become accustomed to a different form on yours, one that was larger and broader and firmer. 

You tried not to think about him as her kiss deepened, as your hand went to her waist and trailed over her side but stopped short of cupping her breast. 

She nudged you onto your back and she settled on top of you, her chest pressed tight to yours, her hips starting to rock gently against you. You ran your hands over her back to the top of her ass but didn’t go lower, not able to shake the subtle wrongness of kissing someone and feeling someone who wasn’t Joel. 

After a minute, she pulled away from you. 

“I get the feeling you’re not as into this as I am,” she said, panting a little. You opened your mouth to argue but she silenced you with a look. “If I misread things, I’m really sorry. But you should know that you don’t have to fuck me just because I’m trying to fuck you.” 

“You didn’t misread anything,” you said quickly. 

“Good,” she smiled a little. “But… It doesn’t seem like you’re feeling this.” 

You winced. 

“I don’t know what I’m feeling,” you said. “But… I don’t think I’m feeling what you are.” 

“Well shit,” she laughed a little and rolled off you, lying flat on her back beside you. “I really am sorry if I came on too strong or did something you didn’t want…” 

You laughed a little. 

“Definitely not that,” you said. “Just have… other things on my mind. And you deserve someone’s full attention.”

She turned her head to look at you and you turned yours, too. 

“It’s Joel, isn’t it?” She asked. You winced a little. “Sorry, I’m not trying to dig into anything that’s not my business, it just… seemed like you guys split up a while ago so I thought it would be OK. I’m sorry.” 

“No, it probably should be,” you said. “It’s got nothing to do with you, trust me.” 

“Well,” she said. “At the risk of this being the most awkward hang out ever… want to help me get some raspberries?” 

“Sure,” you laughed a little. “I’d like that.” 

She smiled. 

“Good. Me too.” 

It was awkward for a bit, but by the time the two of you started back to Jackson, it was lighter. Easier. Like you’d never kissed at all. 

Julie walked with you back to the stables, not too long before you were expecting patrols that weren’t out overnight to return. 

“Even with everything today, I hope we can be friends,” she said. “I do actually like you. Not just because I’d like to fuck you.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Yeah, I’d like that, too,” you said. “I’m sorry I’m not… in the same place on the fucking front…” 

“I’d rather pretend we never found that out,” she laughed a little. “Maintain some of the mystery. But, you know. If anything changes, it’s a small town. You know where to find me.” 

“That I do,” you said. 

She turned to leave but seemed to think better of it and turned back. 

“If he’s it for you?” She said. “I think you should figure out a way to make it work. No point in wanting something and acting like you can’t have it when it’s right there, you know? And yeah, it’s not really my business and yeah, I don’t know you all that well but… something tells me you’re not going to be feeling any different anytime soon. And I don’t think he is either. Just… my two cents.” 

She smiled and leaned in, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“Thanks, Julie,” you said quietly. She gave your arm a squeeze. 

“See you around, Bambi.” 

You watched the door she left through for a few minutes after she was gone before you went back to work. 

The patrols all made it back without incident, Ellie returning her and Joel’s horses. She asked how things went but you just waved her off and she deflated a bit. 

“I keep trying to get some excitement around here,” she said. “You are no fucking help, you know that?” 

“I am so sorry my romantic life isn’t more entertaining,” you said wryly. “I’ll work on that. Entirely for your benefit, of course.” 

“Well you’re clearly not going to do it for your own.” 

You just rolled your eyes as she headed back home. You stayed late at the stables. Not for any real reason, you just didn’t want to be at home alone and going to the mess hall didn’t sound like what you wanted, either. You worked on the moose carving, pleasantly surprised at the progress you’d made on him. 

You ended up working on him until, almost suddenly, you realized he was done. Fully formed - or as close to it as you could get him - with four legs and jagged shapes for the antlers. But he looked like a moose, broad and steady and strong. You turned him over in your hand a few times, running your finger over the arch of his back and the curve of his neck. 

“What am I going to do with you?” You said quietly, holding it up in front of you, looking where his eyes would be if he had them. The bloodstain was still crimson on his chest. 

After a few minutes, you got up off the floor of the stable and did your final check for the evening before locking up behind you and heading home. 

You took the long way. 

It was dark but not so late that the Tipsy Bison had closed for the night, a warm glow coming from the windows. With the sun down, you were a little cold with bare arms but you didn’t mind. You walked slowly, watching the stars as you went. 

You stopped at the end of Joel’s walk. The lights were out. You thought he probably went to bed early - he got tired after a patrol - but he could be at the Bison, too. Either way… 

You all but crept up his walk, holding the moose tightly in your fingers. You stopped at the base of his stairs and held the rough-hewn animal in front of your face again. 

“Keep an eye on him for me?” You said quietly to the wood. It didn’t say anything back. You stepped as lightly as you could up the stairs but the same step as always squeaked below you. You set the moose on Joel’s doormat before turning to go, making the step squeak again. You made it almost all the way back up the walk when the lights inside turned on and you picked up the pace. 

It didn’t matter. You heard the front door open just as you turned onto the street and your eyes darted over toward him before you could help it. 

“Bambi?” He called, not too loud. He was in his blue cotton plaid sleep pants and a black t-shirt that hugged his body just right, tight across his shoulders and upper arms, highlighting the soft curve of his stomach. You stopped for a moment and just gave him a tight smile before continuing on home. 

When you went to bed, you found yourself looking at the spot on your nightstand where the moose had been before, part of you wishing he was still beside you.

***

“Hey. Hey Joel.” 

Joel smiled a little to himself. He recognized Ellie’s tone. 

“What’s up, kiddo?” 

“Wanna hear a joke about pizza?” 

He sighed, trying to sound annoyed. He wasn’t sure if it worked. 

“Get the feeling you’re gonna tell me either way.” 

“Eh, never mind,” Ellie said, sounding a little put out. Joel looked back at her, frowning slightly. And then she smirked. “It’s too cheesy.” 

Joel groaned. 

“That one’s bad, baby girl.” 

“No it’s not!” She rode up alongside him even though the trail wasn’t really wide enough for that. “That was a good one!” 

“Nope,” he shook his head. “It was terrible, three out of 10.” 

“Bullshit!” 

“What would you give it?” He asked, brows raised. “Because I’m questioning your judgement here…” 

“At least a six.” 

“No.” 

“Yes!” She laughed. “You’ve just got shitty taste, old man.” 

“Uh huh,” he laughed. “And what’s that say about you then, hm?” 

“Broken clock is right twice a day,” she replied. “You were bound to accidentally do OK every now and then. Will Livingston, however, is right every time.” 

“You got that entire book memorized?” He teased lightly. “If not, you gotta be close…” 

“I’m getting there,” she said. “Saving the best for last.” 

Joel just shook his head a little. 

He loved patrolling with Ellie. Even more than he thought he would. It was so much like when he’d first come to know her and care for her. It was a time, he realized now, that made him understand that he could still love. That he had it within himself to care for another person, that he could cope with the fear of loss that came with attachment because Ellie was worth it. He liked spending the time just the two of them and getting to know her better as the young woman she was becoming instead of the little girl he’d come to know years earlier. She’d grown so much, come into her own in a way that was only possible in a place like Jackson. She had friends and hobbies and had become part of the community there. Every day with her was reassurance that he’d done the right thing. That every life he’d taken that day in the hospital was a worthy price to pay. 

Joel had left Jackson with Ellie plenty before patrolling with her, back when she was still speaking to him. Before she found out the truth of everything. He’d loved it then, too. But this was different. She was still his baby girl but they were out here as partners, working together to protect the community they both loved. It was a glimpse of the future they had, one where their lives moved along side by side and he got to watch her find her place and fall in love and have a family of her own and just be happy as herself. 

They were only a day out from Jackson now, heading in from a three day long patrol. It was Ellie’s first overnight patrol and she’d been so excited for it, even as she tried to pretend like she wasn’t. The days before they left town, Ellie was over at his house every night, going over the list of what she should bring and looking over the map. She’d lit up when he said they could bring a guitar, something else that made Joel smile. 

It had been more than a month since she’d gotten him back into playing, showing up at his house with a guitar and saying she wanted his opinion on something. She played American Girl, one of his favorites, and set the guitar down when she was done. 

“That was amazing, baby girl,” he’d said, more than a little in awe of her. “Where did you learn that?” 

“Bambi,” she replied. “But do you think it’d sound better with two? I feel like it would. But you’re the musician so…” 

It was an obvious ploy but it made him smile a little. The idea that Ellie would do that much to make him play again. That you’d help her. 

“It might,” he said, getting up to get his instrument. “Let’s give it a try.” 

Joel tried to not think of you too much. He usually failed. But he was getting better at not drowning in the memories of you, of not letting the loss of you consume him. 

It helped that he’d found a way to care for you while respecting the distance you wanted. He couldn’t bring himself to just abandon you, not when he had a sense of how much you were hurting. So he brought you food. Selfishly, it served two purposes. It meant you were, hopefully, eating something. But it also meant he knew that you were still alive. That he could leave a box on your porch, walk by a few hours later, and see that it was gone. He could check on you without forcing you to talk to him and that eased the steady drumbeat of worry inside him. 

When he heard you were back at the stables, he shifted from things you needed to things you would want. He brought you the things he found that made him think of you, things he’d have given you when he came home to you in another life. 

It also helped that he knew you thought of him, too. At least occasionally, enough that you’d left the carving you’d made on his porch a few weeks before. He thought he was hearing things when the first squeak woke him up from his place on the couch, but then the step squeaked a second time and he was sure he heard it. He’d thought it might be Ellie, needing something but  not necessarily wanting to say it. He hadn’t expected to see you heading down the street, the first glimpse of you he’d had in so long. Your arm was out of the cast and you looked good. A bit thinner than you’d been the last time he’d seen you but still good. Still beautiful, still soft with sharp edges. Still what he wanted to sink into and wrap himself up in every chance he got. He picked the moose up and brought it inside, tracing the outline of its frame for a moment. You’d finished it. It was rough, you were clearly a beginner, but you’d finished it and given it to him. His thumb brushed the wound on its heart, where you’d bled. Before he really thought better of it, he brought the figure to his lips and kissed it gently before setting it on the side table and turning out the lights. 

The two of you were set to leave Jackson again in just a week, another gap in the patrol schedule that you could leverage to search for Savvy now that you were healed. He hoped this search led somewhere. He couldn’t imagine what it was like, living like that, not knowing what happened to your child. The closest he’d come was the torturous time that Ellie was with the monsters who’d taken her in Silver Lake. He was so frantic, so terrified of what he’d find but even more terrified of never finding it to begin with. He needed to save her, protect her. But if he couldn’t do that, he needed to know what happened to her. He needed to know who to destroy before he destroyed himself for letting it happen. Living in that for years would be unbearable. 

“Hey Joel?” 

He could hear the frown in her voice. 

“Yeah Baby Girl?” He looked over his shoulder, Ellie and Shimmer falling behind him again now that the trail had narrowed further. She stopped and so did he.

“That’s something we should be watching for, right?” She nodded toward something off the trail, a small frown on her face. Joel followed where she was looking and he froze in his saddle. 

It took an eagle eye to spot it, just brush amongst brush, but it shocked him when he saw it. The gentle arch of a sapling, stretching down toward the ground, held there with rope. 

“Yeah,” he said. “It is. Stay with the horses.” 

“But…” 

“Just one second,” he said, dismounting and going for the trap, trying desperately not to get his hopes up but his heart was racing. It was a common set up for a trap. It could be anyone’s.

This trap was far fresher than the one he’d found with you, the dirt where the pin and been put in the ground still disturbed. The trap itself was still baited and the pins were smooth, almost artistically carved. It hadn’t been here long. He looked around quickly, looking for some indication of where the person who set this trap might have gone. It took some doing - whoever it was covered their tracks well - but he found it, the edge of a boot print. 

He went back to his horse and mounted up. 

“Ellie,” he said, voice serious. “Need you to listen to me, OK?” 

“OK,” she frowned. “Joel, you’re acting weird…” 

“We’re gonna track someone,” he said. “But when we find them, need you to not shoot them until we talk to them, OK? And… and if its a teenaged girl, need you to not shoot them even if she pulls a gun on me, OK?” 

“A teenaged… Joel, what the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Just trust me,” he said. “Please.” 

He started with the boot print and found little hints of someone moving through the brush from there. Disturbed leaves, a splotch of dirt that looked misplaced, a small branch that had snagged on another when something about human height passed below it. 

“Joel,” Ellie said after they’d been tracking for about 20 minutes. 

“Still looking,” he said gently. “It’s OK…” 

He heard something rustle down low up ahead and he adjusted Ares’ path to check on it. He didn’t need to go far, the source of the sound only about 100 feet away and next to a large rock. Standing there, beside to a large horse and a large dog, was a girl. She was a little taller than Ellie, with gangly arms and legs, a rifle held high in her hands. 

“Stop right there!” She said, her voice sharp with a familiar southern twang. The dog moved in front of her, getting down low and bearing its teeth. “Don’t wanna shoot you but I will. You can move right along, this spot’s taken.” 

Joel lifted his hands and caught a glimpse of Ellie raising a gun next to him. 

“Ellie!” He said sharply. She looked at him, eyes wide. “Gun down. Now.” 

“But…” 

“Now.” 

She huffed but lowered the gun slowly, her eyes back on the girl in front of her. 

“Won’t shoot you in the back,” the girl said. “Just turn around and go.” 

Joel fought to focus. The girl in front of him… she looked like Sarah, so so much like Sarah. The same shock of curly hair, same brown skin, same bright eyes. If he didn’t know better, he’d think they were sisters. He fought to stay here, in the forest with Ellie, not getting swallowed by his own memories. He’d found her. He was all but certain of that now, he’d found her and he was going to bring her back to you. 

“You out here on your own?” He asked gently, his hands said up. 

“Don’t see how that’s any business of yours,” she said sharply. “All that matters to you is that I will kill you, don’t try me.” 

“I understand,” he said. “Not going to hurt you…” 

“Bullshit.” 

“We’re not,” Ellie snapped. 

“Ellie.” 

“What!” She said. “Joel, I swear, if she shoots you…” 

“Remember what I said,” he replied. 

“But…” 

“I mean it,” he cut her off. “Don’t, OK?” 

He turned back to the girl. 

“Not going to hurt you,” he said again. “Just… just hear me out for just a second, OK? We’re from a settlement, about a day’s ride from here…” 

“Good for you,” she said. “Better head that way then.” 

“It’s a good place,” he said, ignoring her. “With good people. Including… including your mama, I think.” 

Her eyes went a little wide and she lowered the gun ever so slightly. He caught a glimpse of Ellie’s head whipping around to look at him but he kept his eyes on the girl. 

“Your name’s Savannah, right?” He pressed on. “Your mom, she calls you Savvy, right?” 

She raised the gun again. 

“How’d you know that,” snapped. “You one of the assholes that took her? That it? What, you kill her? Get her to tell you about me first? That what happened?” 

“No honey,” Joel said, his throat tight. He’d found her, he’d found your daughter. “No, she… she escaped them, few years back. She got hurt real bad doin’ it, we brought her in, got her fixed up and she stayed. She’s been looking for you but she’s still there…” 

“Why should I trust you?” She snapped. “Why should I believe a damn thing you say?” 

“Because I know her,” he said. “Been helping her look for you. She’s… I know her. She trains horses, guessin’ she trained the one you’ve got? She trained the one I’m on, too. She runs our stable for us, she…” 

“Bambi?” Ellie gaped at him. “Bambi’s her mom? Bambi has…” 

“Ellie,” Joel said again, cutting her off and looking back at Savvy. 

“She’s there,” he said. “She misses you, she misses you so much. Told me how you liked to read to the horses when you were little. How the dogs liked you better than her. How you’re real good at carving… Recognized your trap, found another one of yours a few months back. She told me how your pins are always smooth and even… Let us take you back with us. Won’t take your guns, just… just come back with us. Please. She misses you so much, she’s been so worried…” 

“We’re not people to be afraid of,” Ellie said and Joel glanced her way. She was looking at Savvy now, her face serious. “Well, as long as you’re not an asshole. I know Joel seems scary but he’s not. Promise. He’s safe.” 

She lowered the gun slowly, looking between the two of them before looking down at the dog. 

“Gattling,” she said. “Heel.” 

The dog dropped its defensive stance and went alongside her, looking up and waiting for a command. She looked back at Joel and Ellie. 

“You really know my mom?” She asked quietly. “She’s… she’s really alive?” 

“She is,” Joel nodded, lowering his hands to the saddle horn. There was a knot in his throat. “And we can take you to her. Please.” 

She hesitated for a moment. 

“She teaches me stuff about music,” Ellie said quickly. “How to play some stuff on guitar, too, but more about music in general. She’s cool. Really. I’m… I’m sure she wants to see you again. And Jackson’s nice. And so are we. Just come along, OK?” 

She took a deep breath, looking down at the dog for a moment, adjusting her grip on the rifle. 

“OK.” 

***

“She’s in rare fucking form this week,” Olivia said, watching as you steadied Persephone, one of the fillies you were working with. 

“She’s just got an independent streak,” you said, the horse’s feet stomping impatiently in the dirt. “That’s OK. I get that. So do the best of us, right?” 

She huffed and jerked her large head. You smiled a little. 

“You’re sure she’s not gonna throw you?” Olivia asked, sounding a little worried. 

“No,” you shrugged. “But I’ve gotten thrown off horses before, nothin’ new. Only way to break her is to break her, no point in stalling. You in a good spot?” 

“Think so,” she said, stepping a little further back from the horse as you got ready to mount her. 

“Then let’s go,” you said, all but jumping onto Persephone’s back. You barely got your foot in the stirrups before she started really bucking, Olivia moving even further away. You clutched the reins in one hand and let your hips go loose, digging your heels down toward the earth to stay seated. You let your body move with her as she hurled herself through the air, desperate to dislodge you. But you weren’t going anywhere. She gave you a good shake that made you grab the back of the saddle but otherwise, she didn’t get anywhere close to throwing you. After a while, she started to calm, her movements still sharp and harsh but closer to the earth, her hooves staying on the ground more often than not. Eventually, she mostly stilled, just tossing her head and huffing indignantly. 

“See?” You said soothingly, reaching forward to pat her neck. “That’s my good girl, you did so well…” 

“Bambi,” Olivia said, catching your eye. She nodded toward the gate to the paddock and you frowned a little before you followed her gaze. 

Standing there was Joel and Ellie, their reins in their hands. But between them was a girl. She was young, a teenager, with springy curls and brown skin and wide, soft eyes. 

You knew those eyes. You knew those eyes and that hair and that skin. For a moment, the world shrank to a small point centered on her and you wondered if, maybe, you’d finally lost your mind. If something had finally broken so thoroughly that you were seeing things. 

But you weren’t. She was here. Your daughter was alive and she was here, in Jackson. 

“Savvy,” you breathed and Persephone bucked below you. You weren’t paying attention to the horse and you flew off her back and into the dirt, landing with a brain rattling thud. You didn’t care. 

You scrambled to your feet, throwing a glance back at Olivia to make sure she had Persephone so Savvy wouldn’t get hurt, and ran for her. 

“Mom,” she said, her voice thick as you reached her and pulled her into yourself. You clutched her to your chest until you thought you could feel her heartbeat alongside yours, clinging to her too close to even kiss her or look at her but you needed to feel the life in her first, soak up the vitality of her before someone took it away. 

“You’re alive,” you managed, voice thick. You buried your nose and mouth in her hair, breathing her in. “You’re alive, you’re here, you’re OK, you’re…” 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said wetly and you pulled back from her just enough to look at her. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she sniffed as you took her face in your hands. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, I thought you were gone, I…” 

“I’m so sorry baby,” you kissed her forehead before pulling her against you again and clinging to her. “I’m so sorry I let you go, I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…” 

“It’s OK Mom,” she said, her hands holding your elbows. “I’m OK, it’s OK, I promise…” 

You just held on to her, trying to memorize everything about her that you could. That she was taller now, that her shape had changed, that it seemed like she hadn’t had a chance to really grow into her limbs yet. 

You looked up at Joel who was still there, his eyes wet, watching you hold your daughter. 

“You found her,” you said softly. 

He just nodded. 

“Found her,” he said. “Couldn’t have without you, though. With everything you told me about her, was able to find her.”

You just nodded, running your hand down the back of her head as you held her. 

“Thank you, Joel,” you whispered, holding her so tight that you were worried you might hurt her but too afraid that she’d slip away to stop. “Thank you.”  

Next Chapter

A/N: AHHHH SAVVY'S HERE!!!!

And Joel found her. I'm so happy that Bambi has her baby back, for real. Things are getting there. I promise.

Thanks so much for reading and sticking with this story! Don't forget that you can get updates on my updates blog here.

Love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

[pixiesfz]

Once again on my knees requesting a follow up where frat Jessie goes to see the reader working their shift at the bar to flirt and distract them while they’re working

I did think of this and I was like hmmm I'm not sure but you have convinced me. so here is frat boy Jessie part 2

plot: it's been a week since the college party and three days since your dinner date with jessie and now you have a shift at your club for bartending

warnings: suggestive, ass grabbing, homophobia (idk if I'll do smut cause not sure if I'm comfortable writing it yet but we'll see) I'm back, yeah a little bit of smut. kinda public, reader went commando today

You looked at yourself in the changing room of your work, your shorts were so short you felt your ass peeking out and your bum bag was almost longer than them. It was saint Patrick's day so your work had decided to change up the uniform for the day, instead of the usual black attire you sported green sparkly shorts with matching dark green fishnets and a whit singlet that was cut in the middle with a four-leaf clover on your left boob.

Let's also mention the leprechaun hat you sported with your hair in two plaits.

You saw another co-worker walk in to start their shift when they stopped and looked at you "that's what we're wearing tonight?" she asked with a smirk "at least it's better than Halloween" you shrugged before making sure you had a pen and paper in your bum bag.

You don't usually work weekends but you had a week off volleyball and your best friend Morgan asked if you could somehow be out of the dorm so she could spend time with her boyfriend, you agreed and now you were hear reading the recipe for a 'lucky charm' cocktail that was only on for the night.

It was a busier night than usual, boys from your school coming in to hang out, some of them noticed you but didn't comment, others were too drunk to notice.

It wasn't until 10 that someone started some trouble.

"Hey little lady" a mans voice popped up from behind you as you rolled your eyes but turned around with a fake smile, he looked about 50 "what can I get you sir" you said "Can I get you" he smirked and you had to stop yourself from laughing "unfortunately us workers aren't up for sale, can I offer you something else," you said, pointing at the menu

You had been through this many times before.

"what about some money would that change your mind?"

"She said no you fucking pervert!" a voice called out to him, a voice that you had become familiar with.

"Is that so, cause she was smiling at me-"

"It's called service with a smile, not an invitation to get into my pants" you cut him off "now fuck off before I call security" you said before you looked at Jessie who was to busy looking at you already.

"You fucking lesbians always think you have control over us men" the man grumbled and you laughed "Josh!" you yelled out to your security man who walked over.

"Is there a problem?" he asked and you watched the man cowardly walk away as you pointed at Jessie to join you at the other side of the bar.

"Wow," she stated "What?" you asked "I'm not sure what's hotter right now that outfit or how you shut that fucker up" She smiled.

"How'd you know I was working?" you asked as you dried beer bottles, "Morgan told me" "Of course she did" you laughed "You glad I'm here?" Jessie asked you as you blushed "I think the way I'm seeing you stare at my ass whenever I turn around gives me the impression that you're very happy to be here"

"I will say I am enjoying the view" she said with a smirk.

A customer came in and you excused yourself to take his order as Jessie watched you from her seat, her grip on her glass tightning when she saw his stare on you.

When you returned you looked at Jessie "Hey your knuckles are white, I don't want to clean a broken glass tonight" you joked as her grip loosened "do all the customers look at you like that?" Jessie asked with a stern face.

"Jealousy is not a good look on you Fleming" you teased "Ha Ha" she fake laughed "What time do you finish?" she asked "An hour but I have a designated 'toilet break' in about 15 minutes," you said and her eyes brightened.

"So I can get you alone in a bathroom whilst you are in that outfit?" Jessie smiled like the cherished cat as you took away her drink "Not with your breath smelling like beer"

"that wasn't a no"

"You are distracting me at my work" you told her and she looked proud "Do I distract you y/n" she whispered going closer to you which made your cheeks redden.

"Y/n!" your boss's voice called out "Yeah" you replied "Toilet break Kenz will take over," he said before disappearing into his office again.

You placed your bum bag down behind the counter before walking past the bar and looking back at Jessie "you coming?" you asked with a small smirk and the soccer player scrambled off her seat to follow you.

When you walked back into the changing room you showed Jessie your little wardrobe "This is hot" she admitted as she looked at some of the outfits "You should see valentines day" you snorted at yourself as you watched her scavenge for it.

"Jessie" you called out to her as she just nodded her head, looking through your work clothes "Jessie" you called again as you sat on the couch behind the curtain "what?" she asked looking down at you.

She couldn't help her eyes for going straight to your cleavage as you looked up at her "Are you going to kiss me or what?"

"Oh fuck yeah I'm going to kiss you" Jessie whispered out to herself before joining you on the couch and grabbing your waist to sit on top of her.

Your bare legs rubbing against her jeans as her hands found a comfortable place on your ass is what made her smile "I knew coming here would be a great idea" she smiled "I'm in heaven" she joked as you looked behind you "wait" you told her as you got up

"Nooooo, don't stop heaven"

"I'm just closing the curtain so nobody see's us"

"let them see" Jessie shrugged "so they can know what's going to be mine"

"I think a few more dates until that happens Fleming," you said as you closed the curtain "but I do like your forwardness "Yeah?" Jessie questioned with a smirk and you couldn't help but fold at her words "Oh yeah, I'm free real estate at the moment until proven otherwise" you teased.

This made something in Jessies stomach turn "come here" she ordered as you sat back down on her lap "free real estate huh?" she questioned and you nodded, You felt her grasp on your ass tighter, leaving marks before looking at you and kissing you.

It didn't start slowly like it did at the end of your first date, no this time it was harsher and you loved it, from seeing Jessie so jealous from one look of a guy you wanted to test the waters.

And test it you did as you felt one of Jessie's hands pull you closer to her and create friction which you moaned quitely at giving Jessie dominance at the kiss "Do it again" she ordered before sloppily kissing down your neck "What again?" you asked and she rocked your body up and down her again, creating more friction.

You did as she said and grinded against her without her help as her nails dug into your ass with her denim grinding against your thin layers you couldn't help your quiet moans from coming out your mouth.

"Just like that" Jessie said as she nibbled at your neck, you reached your head back at the action as yo found yourself riding on the girls jeans quicker as you grew hotter and hotter.

"Jessie" you breathed out into her ear "Yeah baby" she says "Touch me" you mutter "Touch you where?" she asked and you buried your neck into her shoulder "down there" you mumbled

"be more specific baby" she teased you as you groaned, she gripped your ass so tight that you couldn't move anymore, you couldn't stand it, you wanted her.

"fuck Jessie" you muttered "What was that?" she asked as she gave you another hint of friction "Touch my pussy Jessie" you told her which she smiled at

"Only cause you asked so nicely" she smirked and you wished you had the power to humble her a bit, but right now you liked it as she placed you down on the couch and spread your legs apart for you.

You held eye contact the entire time as she lowered onto her knee's "you sure?" she asked and you nodded. You didn't even care that you were at your workplace any more, you just wanted Jessie.

You still held eye contact as she rolled your shorts down only to reveal you wore no panties which she raised her brows at "I don't like having undie line" you defended yourself as you watched Jessie try and figure out what to do with your fishnets, with no thought she ripped them from the middle and out, giving her easy access.

You felt the cool air hit you as you rolled your head back "Patience" Jessie laughed before leaning up and kissing you again but she kissed from your lips to your stomach and now a soft kiss to your clit that made a moan escape your lips, she smiled at your reaction before licking your folds slowly

"I know you said patience Jessie but we don't have a lot of time" you reminded her as she smiled at you "Okay"

You gripped onto the edge of the couch in pleasure before she entered a finger inside of you whilst licking at your clit "Oh fuck me" you muttered out as you felt Jessie smile against your clit as she added a second finger.

You felt yourself growing closer and closer as Jessie sped up "Jessie" you moaned out as you reached out your hand to grab her pony tail. She felt you clench around her fingers as she lifted her head up "you gonna cum?" she asked as you nodded

"I'm gonna cum Jessie" you moaned as continued to somehow go faster "Then cum for me" she ordered as you rolled your head back and let go, Jessie slowed down as she let you ride out your high before taking her fingers out and sucking them herself and then pointing them to you "suck them," she said before you did.

"kiss me" you told the soccer girl who came up to you and pulled you in by your chin to kiss her, you could taste yourself on her lips which you loved.

"Y/n toilet break over!" Kenzie yelled out from the door "yep be there in a sec just getting changed!" you answered back as you and Jessie tried not to laugh "If that was ten seconds earlier she would've heard you moaning out my name, did I make you feel good?" she asked and you nodded, grabbing your shorts from the floor.

"You wait here till my shift ends and I'll make you feel good too" you promised her with a kiss on the lips "I'll be waiting" Jessie smiled as she watched you open the curtain and walk out the room, Jessie quickly slapping your ass as you walked by.

"Jessie!"

[darlingmisa]

hi! I had this nasty dirty thought about abby for a long time and I-I think.. you would write it perfectly [feel free to ignore me please, don't write it if it's not something you would like to explore, really 💌 and thank you for all the abby works they make me so happy 💌 she's my comfort person and you're such a good writer, it's so beautiful to read about her from you 🫂 but let's go back to the my dirty thoughts

public!sex with abby

like, reader and abby in public and in front of them this homophobic woman who notices their small interaction so she knows they're together ; reader is the only one who noticed the disgusted look on the woman's face so she brings abby's hand near her private parts (abby doesn't know she's doing it to have some nasty session with her and to give that person a full good dirty show)

ending up with them going back to abby's apartment and reader finally telling her what just happened = abby laughing and saying she would've done the same

okay this is too detailed maybe you don't like it but as I said, don't mind me if you don't feel like writing something about this 💌 have a good day/night 🫂 and sorry for bad eng!

Put on a Show...

cw... nsfw, female reader, public sex, a bit of aftercare, homophobia, reader being bold as hell

wc... 854

a/n... It makes me so happy to hear how much you love my writing! I've been trying to figure out how to write this for a while bc I was just so nervous but it was strangely easy and I reallyyy enjoyed writing this one!!

You and Abby were nestled in the corner of the small local coffee shop only a few minutes from your shared apartment. It was a weekly thing, a little evening date where the two of you could just relax and talk, a break between your busy schedules.

Abby had been holding your hand from across the table, gently running her thumb along your smooth skin as you talked. She was too caught up in the way your eyes sparkled and how your silky voice traveled through her ears to notice what had grabbed your attention a few minutes beforehand. The strange woman who had sat perfectly across the cafe, and the way she'd been eyeing you and your girlfriend the moment the two of you entered hand in hand. Sending you dirty looks, knowing you were looking right back.

Usually, you'd ignore the homophobic looks or even comments you'd get towards your relationship, but today felt different, something snapped, and you quickly moved to Abby's side of the booth, barely breaking eye contact with the lady.

Abby seemed a little confused, letting out a small "You okay?" as you pushed yourself against her side, and her confusion only grew when you quickly grabbed her hand and brought it to your thigh. This wasn't abnormal, but it also wasn't something you usually initiated, let alone in a public space. She wasn't one to complain though, as continued drawing small circles with her thumb into the plush of your thigh.

That worked for a bit. The lady seemed to go back to her work, ignoring the slight pda you had started just to piss her off a little. Everything went back to normal until you looked back up a few minutes later to see her staring once again. This time though, her stare held pure hatred, one so strong that made you shiver a little bit under her gaze.

Something in you told you to keep going, to go further with your actions. And so you did, you hushed Abby before she could even say anything as you inched her hand up to gently cup your mound. "What's all this sweetheart?" She mumbled in your ear, sending more heat down to your core. The way her warm breath hit your ear, combined with the risky feeling of doing something so raunchy in public made you wetter than ever.

Whining out a small, "Don't worry about it, Abs. Just touch me," You kept your hand on top of hers, making sure she wouldn't take away that delicious pressure as you slowly ground your hips into her hand. The friction caused you to let out a small moan, that was more of a huff of breath than anything.

"Quiet baby, if we're doing this you can't get us caught." Abby's voice seemed to be lower than before, and it shocked you to see how… into this, she was. Not once did she complain, letting you grind in her hand and get off in the little booth of the coffee shop, all while you continued eye contact with the lady who now looked extremely flustered.

Eventually, the woman had enough of watching you stifle your moans and roll your eyes to the back of your head when Abby rubbed that one spot just right. You watched her pack her things and leave with an aggravated sigh just as the tight coil in your stomach snapped. At this point, she was far forgotten, the only thing on your mind being Abby, Abby, Abby as you felt yourself soak through your jeans and right into the palm of her hand.

You laid your head against her broad shoulder, looking up into her eyes for the first time since you started this whole thing. "Home, please." was all you could get out, still working on catching your breath.

"Of course, princess" Was her only response, as she helped you stand on your, now weak and slightly wobbly, legs and walked you to the car. Abby quickly buckled you in before speeding home to get you cleaned up. and an explanation.

By the time you were back home, sitting on the bathroom counter with Abby gently cleaning between your legs like she always insisted, you were exhausted. Something about it being so public took a lot out of you, and you were fighting sleep at your girlfriend's soft and gentle touches.

"So," Abby began, "wanna tell me what that was about?" She had finished cleaning you up, now just holding your face up to keep your eyes on her. "That wasn't like you at all."

Your words came out in the form of a whine, sleep laced in each breath you took. "She kept staring… Looking so mean because we were together…" You averted your eyes, the ground below you becoming much more interesting. "It was like we were disgusting to her or something… so I showed her." Abby let out a small giggle, exhaustion taking over her features as well.

"So that's what it was about? If I had known I would've put on a little more of a show."

[thedvilsinthedetails]

rosekiller microfic band au pt3

heyyy pt3 is here yayyy

I haven’t rlly read it thru again and I’m feeling pretty tired today so if there’s a quality dip that’s why but also we have some nice Barty POV which I find easier to write sooo balances out ig

also we have some Marlene in this one (u can thank @good-oldfashioned-lover-girl because I wasn’t gonna put her in but she loves Marls [not that I don’t] to and yk she’s the boss so 🫡🫡🫡 Marlene is in the fic and I’m actually glad bc I love her part in this)

oh also Reg is autistic in this [in my mind] so when I mention him wearing headphones it’s bc he wears headphones on public transport/often in public/during gigs to help block noise <3

oh also all the skittles have matching nail polish and little tattoos on their wrists (idk if I actually mention it here but just so u have it in ur mind)

Tags for ppl that (I think?) wanted to be tagged <3 : @depressedtheatrekiddo @blu3stars @picklerab23 @lady-stardust-incarnate @always-reading @no-names-work @y0url0verb0y @2bluetwo85 @idk-what-to-put-here-123 @weirdtinkerbellversion @lulublack90 @nikholascrow (please please do tell me if you don’t want to be tagged bc idm and obviously won’t be upset but I just don’t want to tag ppl that don’t actually want to be tagged so I’m just sort of guessing by who commented last time so um yeah)

Link to previous part

link to part one

link to next part

(Cw: lil bit of homophobia in here sorry)

***

By the time the train arrived at their station both Barty and Evan had dozed off. Arms wrapping around each other, bodies curled into one another like a jigsaw puzzle. Evan didn’t wake up as gently as he fell asleep though because he was woken by Regulus kicking his seat aggressively. Once he finally opened his eyes he turned to face him. He was wearing his headphones, big and black originally but covered in splodges of spray paint from when Barty had offered to ‘customise‘ them for Regulus. He’d pushed them back though, now that the majority of people has filtered out of the little compartment.

“Hurry up and get your stuff.”

Regulus ordered before following Pandora and Dorcas who had already left.

Evan turned and tapped Barty gently to wake him up. Then when that didn’t work he shook him till he opened his eyes with a start. 

It took Barty a moment to realise where he was but even once he did he just grumbled.

“Ev don’t make me get up, please.”

He pouted, eyes wide and dilated in some kind of cheap attempt at cuteness.

“Come on you know you have to get up baby- Barty!”

Evan gaped, realising his mistake just too late. A slip of the tongue and he’d gone and fucked everything up.

“D’you just call me baby?”

A grin spread on Barty’s face and he poked Evan gently and laughed.

“You’ve been single too long Rosier.”

“You- you’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad, baby?”

Barty winked, clicking his tongue as he got up and shuffled past Evan with a wicked smirk.

•••

Barty was going insane. 

Evan had called him baby. Baby. And fuck his reaction had been visceral. But like…in a good way? It made him want to bite down on something hard but that thing was the muscles on Evan’s arms. Or bruise something but that thing was Evan’s neck…with a hickey or two. 

Something about the way it had slipped out so naturally, so warmly. It just made Barty’s heart flutter. Made him want to grab Evan and shake the sense out of him enough to like Barty. Something along the lines of ‘kiss me, ruin me, dear God I’m begging you.’ Ah well, nothing you can’t really do about these kinds of situations except get on with it. Lying was something Barty had gotten very good at from a young age and not stopped since. Some might call it acting but those were the types of people who were just trying to convince themselves they were good and moral. Barty didn’t really care enough about that kind of stuff to bother. White lies this and how it contrasts with malicious lies that, like someone trying to section off a gradient in two. You can’t, it’s all the same monochrome blur in the end. 

Barty was lost in this little daydream when he heard Pandora roar.

“WHAT?!”

Now Pandora didn’t often roar, maybe laugh maniacally every now and then yes, but yell? Scream? That was never her type of thing. Save for some rare occasions that Barty could probably count on one hand. Pandora yelling meant it was time to stop daydreaming about Evan’s curls or Evan’s hands with their chipped green nail polish or Evan’s fucking tight t shirts. Yeah time to stop thinking about that and listen up. So he did.

“I do not intend to offend anyone by it.”

Riddle raised his hands up defensively with a cheap sleazy smile that immediately made Barty dislike him.

“I’m just saying that this venue prides itself on a distinct lack of…untoward behaviour. It’s not a massive deal, I think your lead and backup singers can use separate microphones for two nights of a six month tour. 

“What the fuck man?”

Barty stepped forward immediately hands curling into fists, Riddle was pretty short, he could definitely take him if that’s what it came to.

“Barty stop, that isn’t the right way to solve things. Come on let’s just- let’s come back later ok? See if we can talk to someone else, not this piece of shit.”

Dorcas spat out the last three words as she pulled Barty back to the group.

He was going to argue till he felt Evan put a hand on his shoulder, instead he just left Evan guide him away after the rest of the group.

“We’ll figure it out ok?”

“Fucking- Ev we can’t play there. They’re fucking homophobic.”

“Barty the O2 has been your dream since-“

“I DONT BLOODY CARE!”

“Barty shut the fuck up. I said we’ll talk about it and we will, we will figure it out but stop acting like a goddamn CHILD.”

Barty looked over at Evan who had his teeth bared, slightly wild look in his eyes. He was seething too, clearly. Just more mature than Barty.

“Ok, yeah.”

He breathed in.

“I’m sorry Ev.”

“Hey it’s alright. It’s just important the band shows a united front against this you know? We can’t split up or in fight because then, well then we all lose.”

“Yeah. Yeah you’re right Rosie. But we will do something.”

“I promise you they’re not getting away with this.”

Evan nodded. He tossed a hand over Barty’s shoulder, pulling him in just a little bit closer as they walked. Barty wasn’t complaining. 

•••

“You don’t get it Marls, we can’t just not play the O2. We’d lose way too much money off it, probably too much to be able to continue with the rest of the tour. Plus venues will think we’re unreliable and might cancel or pull out. Riddle is such a fucking dick, he only told us when we went there for a tech practice literally today.”

“Fuck yeah that’s shitty.”

Marlene was sat next to Barty on the floor of his hotel room, helping him repaint his nails. The entire band had them matching, a bright toxic green, his had started to fade though. 

“What if you just…ignore them? Do it anyway?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s not like they can drag us off stage mid performance.”

“Not without exposing their homophobia.”

“Still…I wanna make a statement. Something big you know? Show them they can’t straight wash us.”

Marlene looked up at Barty, eyes twinkling mischievously.

“I might have an idea then.”

•••

Evan was sat in an alcove in the hotel corridor watching Regulus patiently braid and unbraid Pandora’s hair on the sofa opposite him. It calmed them both down whenever they were stressed. And Barty and Marlene, locked up together in Barty’s hotel room. Both raging homosexuals dead set on never following rules talking amongst themselves just before the biggest gig of the band’s history? Yeah that was a reason to be stressed. That’s when he heard the tell tale clump of Barty’s docs down the corridor. And he was walking with purpose.

As soon as he came into view Evan noticed the way his eyebrows were knotted together yet his eyes were glimmering with excitement. Evan had no clue what Barty was going to say next but it wasn’t that.

“Marlene thinks I should kiss you.”

Barty announced and Evan dropped his jaw, staring at him agape.

“What?”

“And I agree with her.”

“What?”

***

OK HOPE U LIKED IT

xxx BYEEEE

pt4 probs gonna come soon bc I swear this fic has a life of its own

[aphroditesmoon]

♡-;meadowlarks (I)

gwen stacy x fem!spidergirl!queen!reader (medievel au)

summary: when miguel accidentally sends gwen into a medievel timeline instead of her own after revoking her watch privileges, she sees it as a curse, but you, currently facing multiple challenges after the death of your father, the king, and the escape of a wild beast, finds that you'd appreciate the help.

warnings: hurt/comtort ,fluff, typical medieval sexism, trauma, kissing/makeout(INCOMING CHAPTERS), gore, grief, hesitant partners to friends to lovers, reader has fire powers, tiny bit internal homophobia, reader needs a nap, reader is touch starved, death, mutilation, witchcraft.

taglist; @kamaluhkhan @rissslays-parttwo @marytargaryen @darkstreaks @gwenisasilly @asher-kaden @macncheesemonster @miikshook @marianeski @reeags @goosetheluce @4cepink @yuennie

@primaviva

wordcount; 6.5k

a/n: testing out the waters w this one! 100 notes and I'll do a part 2 <33

▪︎ “AS THE WINTER TURNS THE MEADOW BROWN, YOU GO WHEREVER YOU GO TODAY” ▪︎

°°°°°

THERE ARE THREE thing anyone who’s lived in Old York Meadowlarks for at least a year would notice. The first, is that there had not been any Meadowlarks for nearly two centuries. The specific bird had been declared extinct. The second thing is that it never snows here. There are colder seasons sure, seasons where the winds could freeze you. But no one existing in the realm knew what snow even was. And finally, the third one is, there are no beasts in Meadowlarks.

The people survived through their fair share of thieves and criminals, and wild animals too. But monstrous beasts had remained a folklore. Bedtime stories to scare the children into doing their chores and stay off the woods past 8 O’clock.

And yet, here you are. Not a week after your father’s death, his only heir, now queen, and of course, the secret but very much known Lady Spider, standing inside a layered forest, currently covered in thick white flakes and ice-cold snow , meeting your fate against a minotaur.

Unlike the folktales, this minotaur doesn’t speak. He only growls and chases you to your death with incredible speed. “What the fuck?” was the only thing you’ve been asking yourself for the past 8 hours. You’ve caught mutants before, deformed humans, a consequence of their own black magic curse, but nothing completely inhuman as such.

What’s next? A unicorn?

The beast claws at the tree you’re currently hanging on, climbing up quickly despite his heavy weight, forcing you to latch on other trees faster. It wasn’t that you were incompetent, but merely confused. You wonder if you’ll just swing yourself at him if you tried to fight one on one. You weren’t taking the risk. Making sure he stayed chasing you, the path you were leading him on was into a bear trap. Something to keep him still for a while. Your fingers ache as they clench and unclench with your jumping from tree to tree.

Bold and dim as you expected the beast followed and fell into the hole with a roar, the net set immediately tying themselves around him. “Silly bull, should’ve stayed on all fours.” You muttered to yourself. It grumbles incoherently. Not a second of peace after, peasants from the further parts of the wood scrambles to view the dangerous state you were in. The bear trap being set off, including the terrible sounds the minotaur made, had called for attention. “Armageddon is coming!” An older woman shouted, shielding her son. The crowd makes a circle around you and the monster. Clutching their crosses in fear yet remaining like they're enjoying a circus show.

“Please, everyone. Unless you’d like it eat you first once it breaks free, run.” You yelled out, only gathering more people in. “Gods above, help me.” The minotaur growls again, tearing itself through the net. The people flinched and took steps backwards as the beast tosses and turned. “Move away or get burned.” You shouted, warning them for no less than a minute before blasting fire towards it. Smoke flew all around you as the children and their parents screamed while running off. That’ll do it, you thought as the air began to clear.

But gods no, the unconscious beast jolted, and your heart dropped. It’s fur and skin were already burnt off, but it’s still moving. You swung yourself on a tree above it, sword sliding off your hips into your hands. You hesitated at first, but once the creature’s eyes snapped open, You jumped. Your sword pushed through its right eyeball, earning a screech from it as blood flowed out from the now empty socket.

You pull your sword back out and flung your webs around him, tightening the trap.

The monster clawed at you then, from his restraints. The aggressiveness making you flinch and drop your sword to the ground. “Fuck.”  Its arm stretches out against your web, and shoved you hardly off the net. Your balance fails and you a screamed a rare scream as gravity wins. Flinging your arms around, you panic when you found no stable source to swing yourself on. As quick as a flash, your heart lept when instead of banging your head on hard and now apparently cold snow, You’re swung hard to your left, making you scream louder before your hands make quick to wrap themselves around the body that just saved you.

“I’d love to just be fighting minotaurs all day, we don’t have that much in New york.” It was a girl.

And that wasn’t the most bizarre fact. She was wearing an apparel like no other, and she was swinging with you attached to her like a monkey, the same way you could. “Oh my god this is a dream.” It had to be. You must be hallucinating. The priests had told you it could happen. Grieve often leads to hysterics, especially for women.

But what the church and council didn’t know, is that you do not grieve your father or the man that he was. The man he could’ve been, maybe. But that was a different story.

You feel the wind howl harsher, the cold feels like a bitter sting at your skin. "This is not a dream, unfortunately for us both.” The girl spoke before she loosen her grip for you to swing yourself again. “This doesn’t make sense. Who are you?” You countered. Too many questions to ask. “I’m spider-girl, like you.” She answers simply, retangling the creature. “You’ve got any idea how to fix this?" Rationalizing enough remaining stabilty, you nodded. “Yeah.” You let her try to maintain the grip while you snatch your sword back up and move towards it, aim sharp.

 “Back down.” You warned before slicing it through it’s neck, cutting off the minotaur’s head.

You land on your feet the same time the head falls. Your toes are freezing as it steps on the ground. The blood from the bull's decapitated head spreads all over the snow. It's body still inside the worn out net. That is a problem for the townsfolk to handle today.

The girl lands behind you, footsteps gentle when she moves. “A sword, pretty cool. Pretty heavy too huh?” You turn around to meet her. She wears a skin fitting white suit with a hood over her head, the type of clothing that would’ve had her burned as a witch a few hundred years ago. “If you’re not careful with your next words, you’ll feel just how heavy.”

She backtracks immediately, putting her hands up in defense. “Woah-hey, I just helped you kill that thing.” She reasons with you, hesitating to come closer. “That thing, came out of nowhere, and so do you. For the past 5 years, I’ve been the only Lady-spider here, how do I know that everything going on has nothing to do with you?”

 You were fiercer than usual, maybe. But you would take no chances with the amounts of passings and tragedies your kingdom has gone through this past week. “Lady-Spider? That sounds old, no offense.” You frowned. “Look around, you’re in Old York!” Her shoulder drops. “Oh, yeah. That makes sense.” You realized then that she’s probably not a threat to you. But it does not mean she’s not the cause of all this.

Sighing tiredly, you cracked your knuckles and rubbed them together to ease the sharp winter it’s feeling. “Why are you here?” You demanded again as you begin to walk back out the forests, eyes tracking the dead beast's footprints againts the snow, now beginning to fade. Following from behind, You hear her talk distantly. “I’m…from a different universe. I wish I could give a better explanation, but that’s it. There’s a whole spider society of other spidermen like us in other universes, and I kind of accidentally got thrown here.” You stop in your tracks, turning to her again.

“Other Spidermen?” She nods. “So, you’re me?’ Her eyes widen through her mask as she shakes her head. “Oh no, not at all. I mean sometimes there’s a version of you somewhere else that is also Spiderman, but I’m pretty sure you’re not me.” You take a moment staring at her, trying to process the most insane thing to happen today.

“Take off your mask?” She cocks her head. “Take off your mask, and tell me your name. Only then I’ll believe you.” She scoffs at your words. “I don’t owe you anything, and what would I need you trust for anyways?” It was your turn to be amused now, smiling under your mask. “There is nowhere in this place you could roam freely, without my permission. And no, I’m not exaggerating.” You notice her hesitancy and waited for an answer. “My name is Gwen. Gwen Stacy.”

She would not take her mask off yet, but so far, her name would do. Giving the sky a quick glance, the sun burns a bright reminder for lunch. You wondered how much chastise you’d get from Alistair. “You’re coming with me, Gwen.”

^^^

You had made sure you’d be left alone after your coronation for grieving’s cause. The ceremony was a gloomy one for both you and the council. Dislike was etched all over their faces as the crown was fitted on your head. A 17 year old girl was not their idea of a good ruler. But everyone who knew the game of politics would also know well that the worst kind of law breakers are the ones who made the laws in the first place. They'd rather a corrupt man for their own advantages than a queen of peace.

Slinging back into your room with Gwen, you decided that grieve had to wait, for the worst part of all this was yet to come. She takes a seat on the edge of your purple sheeted king bed, eyes roaming around the rest of the large bedroom. Soon, you noticed how she focuses on the large painting of your late mother. Your hand instinctively went the long necklace with a single pearl on your neck that she had worn for the painting. “Maybe, this is your canon event.” You hear Gwen suggest as you change into a black dress with silver lines drawn by the waist. Your hood and leather jacket is tossed into your closet after you stuck your mask under a drawer.

Giving yourself a glance at the mirror, running your fingers through your dishevelled hair and hoping everyone else would excuse the red rims under your eyes for a state of mourning.

“Your father died, and not a week after, things you claimed to be impossible here, happened.” You trusted her words easily, though the terrible anxiety you’re feeling in the pit of your stomach worsens with the thought of something even worse was to come.

“Maybe you’re right. But that would still mean that there’s a cause for all of this, a starting point.” You could feel her stare as you fix your hair. Her existence was both nerve-wrecking and comforting. To play two roles in one life, is the kind of tiring not every person could understand. “So, are you like, a princess?” She asks finally. “Was” You clarified. “Oh…wait-“

You cut her off impatiently. “I’ve been queen for less than a week, and the worst weather phenomenon just happened, a non-existent mythical appeared, and there’s two spider women. Do you realize just how bad that looks for me, in the eyes of the people, the council?” You challenged brazenly, hands holding your waist as you stared at her. Gwen turns silent again, though her eyes held the same old sympathy that you hated.

“If…” You began, eyes moving from her back to the floor again. She raises a brow. “If I dared to ask for your help..” Her gaze brightens in understanding as she fiddles her fingers. “I would help you. At least until I figure out how to leave here.” Your body relaxes at that, finally seeing the shape of your plan. “I need you to pretend to be me.”

“What?” her voice was incredulous. “If I am to fix this situation, then I’ll need to be both the queen, and Lady-spider, which is impossible. So, I’ll need you to be me.” Gwen stared at you in confusion, “And what exactly will you and Lady-spider be up to?”

“That, will be explained in the meeting.”

The meeting was set that afternoon. The letter was sent the morning you woke up. An emergency meeting with the councils of the state from all over Old York. The men were easy to read. They had attended the meeting with the expectation of the queen’s begging for help and guidance. But you’ve already seen more than you should at a young age to consider yourself a lamb given to the slaughter. You could hear them from behind the doors before you entered.

She’s 17, and unmarried. What will the kingdom be with a child as a queen?

Her ruling is already cursed, It’s a fucking blizzard out there. Have you seen anything so white and cold?

 A minotaur was killed by Lady-spider this morning. I would’ve thought it a lie if Jim himself didn’t see it with his own two eyes. A minotaur! What insanity-

The door pushes open with a loud creak as your guard, Alistair, announces your present loudly, stealing away the mayor and minister's attention from their gossiping. The room is silenced as they move to stand in honor of your entrance. Taking your seat at the end of the table, you meet their false smiles with your own. "Please, sit." 7 men are sat around the long table while a thick white candle is lits in the middle of it with the carvings of ’WITH GREAT POWER, COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.’ written.

Till this day, you refuse to read upon the lines with any devotion or loyalty. You had carried the responsibility since you were born. What has it done for you in return?

Ignoring the changing glances shared right in front of you, you intertwine your fingers together, placing your fists on the table.

“I apologize for the late notice, and I thank you for being able to attend.” You said, with a pretense of gratefulness. They nod their heads in a respectful manner. “As you all can see, dark days are upon us.” Murmurs of agreements spread around the dark room. “If I was superstitious, I’d call it god’s wrath. But the falling out of this kingdom is happening too strategically, too clean. I’m aware I might not have seen this kingdom in it’s worst a thousand years ago, but I’ve been quite lucky to live long enough to know that only black magic could be the answer to this.” The table becomes a dash of confused expressions along with agreeable ones. You notice how some of them have taken to leaning on their wooden chairs with irritable expressions.

There's one thing men do not like than being told what to do by a woman, is being told what to do by a little girl.

“Magic is powerful, but it would take a terrifying level of sorcery for one to be able to summon impossible weather, and, mythical creatures.” Lord Jameson interjects with a raised brow. You could hear the tapping of the heel of his shoes on the stone hard floor amidst the eerily quiet room. It was like a small sign of defiance. "How are you so sure in something that's not even fully investigated yet?" You slowly spin your head at him, a glare embedded in your expression. “-Your majesty,” He adds too slowly.

 ”Yes, well, a powerful witch, given our kingdom’s track record, is much more believable than one of the gods purposely turning your bulls into beasts. And i'm sure if the gods were to punish us for our sins, they would have done it ages ago, it's not like we've been angels these past few years." You responded, reminding him of his slave trading scandal that happened two years ago. Snickers were heard from the other seats.

Glances were exchanged at your words and his, a gist of hesitance and cowardice amongst other things. “Word from my men is that this drastic weather change first started in the east, where most of our plantations are done in. Half of this year’s profit from it is gone, ruined. The people there will eat nothing but last month’s stock, and hunt their own animals, if they’re even lucky to find any in this weather. But afterwards it all went down like dominoes, snow, everywhere. And yet, the minotaur was found here, in town, 2 casualties, only because Lady-spider was quick enough.”

Lord Haycinter acts as the first to actually ask the question you yourself have been. “And what’s the correlation of those two?” The secret glances and talking stops, and all eyes are on you.

“Significantly? Nothing. But if you pay attention, both the town here and in the city have one similarity, their massive population.”You give the old men a few seconds to understand what you mean, the light switch in their brains finally clicking.

“Whoever is causing this, is trying to cause a purge.”

••••

Hours passed after the meeting, you’ve found yourself soaking in the tub for at least an hour now. Your fingers were wrinkly and the water had turned lukewarm. The rose colored walls of the bathing room were bringing back old memories, memories you can’t afford to remember.

So, you closed your eyes and think of the white snow again, and the blood the minotaur had splattered when his head fell off.

Tomorrow a scout of your men, alongside you and Lady-spider will be heading east. Food stock would be divided before an investigation started running. Lord Haycinter and a few others had triedbto persuade you to stay in the castle, let them and the given guard handle the investigation. But you needed the people to see their queen strong and contributing. You needed them to know thate whether they liked you as their ruler or not, you would not abandon them. The good and the bad, they are all under your responsibility.

The last time a deformed beast was made, it was by a witch who managed to create an group of brain eaters, solely to end her rival family’s bloodline. Aethella, old, wicked and spiteful. A long time witch of Meadowlark. Those were the stories spread of her. But you had met her, right before she was executed in your father’s order. She looked 60 in age, white hair clashing with faded black, a single gold tooth that made her look demonic when you see the whole mix of the look.

What would you do if all 8 daughters of yours were murdered with their hearts ripped out and hair shaved off for another man’s magic spells and joke. For another man’s ego and amusement, she has asked you at the ripe age of 15. So she killed his sons back in return. A punishment he deserved, but your father never gave. And she brought them back as the living dead and made them feast off of their father’s living body until he too, ceased to exist.

“But she’s dead now.”

How many witches are there in this town anyways? None as powerful to turn animals into mythical beings.

 Your eyes are closed. The tiredness forcing it shut. What you would you would give to not have to carry the realm’s fate on your shoulders for a week. You flinch at a touch against your shoulder, slipping from unconsciousness to consciousness again. “Gwen.” You could tell. “You’ve been in here for 2 hours, I got worried.” Has it been 2 hours? It only felt like 1. Gwen kneels by the tub, palms remaining on your shoulder. You say nothing in response, too tired to speak. She wears one of your long dresses that you had given earlier. It was becoming of her, despite the clashing of the style with her odd hair.

Seeing how your knees buckle as you try to stand she slips an arm under yours and helped pull you out. Her eyes are trained on your neck until she could grab a hold of your robe and passed it to you. Tying it up in a ribbon, you give her a light push when she tries to help you into your bedroom, refusing it.  You revel in the comfort of your dimly lighted room and it’s warmth, the candle by your bedside as the only source of light for you to get dressed. Feeling Gwen near, you say nothing until she’s walked over to your side.

“We need to go over the plan.” You stated in a matter of factly tone. “Alright.” She agrees. “Tomorrow, before 9 possibly, we’ll ride to the east side of Old York, Fullmar. My people there are made of farmers, hunters, you get the gist."

"They’re the most independent of us. They live near the crops and mountains, so every year, their supply of food are always checked off first. But with the unexpected snow, a lot of the folks are not sure how to maintain healthy crops and plants, they’ve never gone through the extremes like this. So first things first, we’ll divide 10% of Meadowlark’s fruits and vegetables spring stock for them, and then afterwards, I’ll have half of my unit guards search the seaforest for any signs of wild animals or witchcraft.” Gwen listens carefully, her gaze never leaving yours as you continue to explain.

“I thought you said the beast thing only happened once this morning?” She asks in confusion. You shook yourself and gave her a sarcastic smile. “I thought so too."

Rubbing your hands on the back of your neck, you fought the urge to pass out. “An official letter was sent to me from the minister of Fullmar from three hours ago, who unfortunately could not attend today’s meeting, that apparently two girls who had gone missing 3 days ago have been found dead in the woods, their flesh chewed and bitten off.” Gwen grimaced, “fucking hell.” You pursed your lips tiredly. “You’ve got that right.”

You muster up the courage to sit on your own bed next to her, the soft cotton sheets calling you to sleep. Eyeing up Gwen as subtly as possible, you feel guilt crawling it’s way into your moral consciousness when you realized how tired she looked too. Her eyes were slightly red, as if she had been crying. You wondered if she noticed that you have too. “I’m going to figure out how to send you home.” You said aloud, making her laugh slightly. “That’ll be great,”

There was an unspoken bond made when the two of you met eachother. Something along the lines of, 'never actually mention your fathers, even though his name lies on the tip of your tongues.' She missed him, you could tell, despite her only mentioning him once that day.

You have not missed yours. In fact, you suffer in every second that you can't forget him.

“You mentioned something about a watch this morning, my Queensguard, Alistair is quite the technician. Perhaps he could help?” The blonde smiled sadly. And at that moment, all you wanted to do was wipe it off in any way you could.

“Thank you, but I don’t think your timeline’s technology are the same as Miguel’s or mine.” You hummed in understanding, deciding that you’d ask Alistair of it anyways. A sudden realization makes you jump as you quickly move to grab a pillow from your bed. “We should sleep. I forgot to tell you, you’ll be sleeping here for a while. I can’t risk the servant’s gossip of Spider-girl sleeping here, you can have the bed.”

Gwen makes a noise of disagreement, making you halt. “You do realize your bed is a bigger than an elephant, right? We could share, princess.” You feel your face physically heats up and frowned at her. “That is indecent, if we were to be seen even sitting on the same bed, the punishment is worse than tangling with a man.” Gwen’s eyes widen and her mouth hug open. “But that’s bullshit! What kind of man feeding patriarchy system is this?”

You shrug at the obviousness. “The kind that is a man feeding patrhiarchy.”  She tilts her head and accepts the answer after considering it for a few seconds. 

“Yes well, either way I’m not letting you sleep on the carpet. So we share, or I’ll sleep on the ground.” Her persistence was annoying. You can’t understand how she fails to see the problem in this. Women have been killed for far lesser sins. This was as if you’re asking to get tied to a stake. But her eyebags are deep and her back is hunched. So you put your pillows back down, and slipped under the covers next to her before turning the opposite side.

”You love your people.” She whispers out in the dark once you’ve blown off the candle. You could feel the slow rhythm of her breathing next to you.

“Someone has to. God knows my father and his father didn’t.” The both of you let the silence lingers between the space you make, concluding the conversations. “Goodnight.” She wishes, her voice caressed you like the soft winds that pushed through your lilac collored window curtains. “Goodnight."

You could feel sweat rolling down your forehead in an excruciatingly slow motion. The ice was beginning to melt as you ride to the east side with Gwen. The sun now had taken over in the case of extreme weathers. You fixed the shawl covering your head and face and presses your horse to move faster. It’s been at least an hour and a half since you started your journey. You made sure all royal sigils were hidden for now, not wanting to catch any unwanted attentions until the stock arrives.

Despite Alistair’s insistence on you riding in the royal carriage, you stuck through your horse, Merry anyways.

You decided to ride for an hour earlier than the food stock carriages to get some privacy with the investigation. And although you do not regret your choice, a 5 minute break in a carriage doesn’t sound that horrible now. The road was wet with melting ice and it stank of cow shit, but the fogginess from the cold had disappeared and the road seemed clearer. Gwen, who apparently has not rode on a horse for years, ended up behind you on Merry so you could save more time.

You could hear the amusing jokes the rest of the guards made about Lady Spider not knowing how to ride a horse and internally curses her for embarrassing your name.

Your loyal guard rides closer to you until he is side by side, and you could see him giving sideway glances to the girl behind you, judging her. He eyes her up and down. You raise a brow when he turns to you instead. “You know, I’ve been wondering since this morning when you announced that the infamous lone ranger Lady spider would join us, how did you two meet?” He asks, cocking his head at Gwen who’s currently holding onto your waist like her life depends on it as the horse gallops harder. “That’s none of your business, is it Ali?” He hums quietly, looking back on the path in front of me. “Forgive me for questioning you, your majesty. I just worry you trust easily.” You hear Gwen scoff as she sits up straighter. You would punch him in the face for saying those words, if you could. Being treated as a child by someone you trust was worse than being treated that way by a council of slagging, sexist old men.

“I know what I’m doing.” You silence him before giving your horse a light kick to move faster before it’s lunch time. 

Alistair was 5 years older than you. He was assigned to you as a personal guard since you were 12. He was more like a brother than a bodyguard. And seeing how most days, he would be the only one willing to risk the king’s rage to save your arse whenever you’d sneak out or disappear entirely to do your job as Lady spider, his worry and protectiveness was warranted. And yet, as much as cared for you, he was still older, stronger, and still a man. He could not understand you if he wanted to. He was not made as you were.  

Gwen eyes Alistair until he’s out of sight again, behind you. A glare embedded on her face. “Is he always like that?” You hummed positively. “He could use a smile and a less condescending tone.” She says sarcastically, making you smile.

“Don’t be offended, He’s like that with everyone I’m around. He’s just protective.” Gwen makes an ‘ooo’ sound and pushes you with more questions. “What, are you guys like, what’s the word?- Courting! Yes, see I know some slangs too. So are you guys courting?’ You were grateful that she’s behind you so she can’t see how wide your eyes are, hearing her question. “Heavens no.” You breathed out. “He’s like a brother to me, hell, I’ve once made him play tea party with me when I was 12.” Gwen laughs in surprise, eyes brightening. “Him? A tea party? What I would give to see that.” You hummed as an answer, trying to forget the insinuation she just made.

You were never comfortable with questions of courting or marriages. And it’s already terrible enough how much proposal letters you receive from many of the ministers and their sons, even the north King with already two wives had sent you a proposal. When it comes to marriage for politics, there was simply no one good enough or beneficial to help your kingdom so far. And in case of marriage for love, you just haven’t met any man you’re genuinely interested in.

The flat surface of the road was beginning to get bumpy, as are the short cut grass that’s mixing with overgrown weeds. If that wasn’t a sign that you have entered the borders of Fullmar, the broken and faded signboard that lays on the ground with the words ‘FUL M R’ is.

Your bend your neck and letting it stretch while you continue to ride on poor tired merry. “We’re here.” You tell Gwen who’s trying very hard not to fall asleep or fall of the horse. “Finally.” She mumbled back with a yawn. “Now, remember what I told you, no talking unless it’s completely necessary, no showing off your spider tricks, and no w-“ “No wandering off, yeah I got that.” She cuts you off in annoyance. “So do you guys talk like that all the time?” You frowned slowed down your horse. “Like what?”

“Like you’re in a Pride and Prejudice book?” You tilt your head up and try to remember a book with that title. “I don’t think I know what you’re talking about.” Gwen lets out a short laugh. “ Of course you son't."

You waited until the rest of the guards that came with you caught up. “what’s your call?” Alistair asked. “We’ll ride further east until we reach the seaforest, I’ll need at least two guard checking the waterfall area and the caves. Any prints of blood, any signs of hair or human body parts, you take it with you or you call me. Alistair, you search up the old church and the houses near there. Ask questions if necessary. Lady Spider, and the rest of you will be searching the rest of the forest with me.” A murmur of agreement and ‘yes, your majesties’ were said quickly before all 8 of you part ways as you’re told. You pull your horse into a left as you ride into the seaforest’s direction with 3 men behind you.

5 minutes more into riding, you finally reach the said forest. The seaforest was the most known forest of Old York, The trees there are a mix of greens and blue tints. It is known for growing rare fruits and plants mysteriously. Back during the age of witch burnings, is was rumoured that if you were to take anything without the forest’s permission, they would die before they could set foot outside the woods.

But you were sure that it was just an excuse to burn women who used the herbs they got for healing purposes from there without actual valid reasons. Still, you notice how your men quiver and flinch at any small noises of the birds and tree branches.

“Do not get cold feet now.” You attempt to motivate them weakly. “Oh wow, that’ll help them.” Gwen whispers as you help her off Merry after you. “Shut up.” The 5 of you spread ways, two of the guards headed to your right while the other one goes forward.

 You were quick to your left, checking the condition of the bushes and trees to see if the extreme weather had affected them. They hadn’t. “Well this is odd.” You said to yourself.

“What? What did you find?” Gwen asks, basically sprinting from your right. “Nothing. Everything is fine.” She makes a face of confusion. “Okay…?” You ignore her and move to call your men. The three guards came quick to the center. “So far, everything looks fine where you were, yeah?” you questioned them, receiving fast nods.

“And what about snow? Has any of you seen even a bit of melted snow or ice, even a hint of it? Water?” You can feel the tension filling the space between all five of you when you said that. “None…” One of them spoke, the others not disagreeing. “Alright then.” You sighed in frustration. “If all of you are sure there’s nothing, we head over to the waterfall. It's all too good to be true.” The dark skinned guard who spoke up earlier raises his hand to speak. “You don’t have to- just, you know what, just speak.”

“Oh, right, um. Well, we can’t really call it a clue that, everything, is normal, right?” He asks. You shrugged at that and pursed your lips. “Perhaps not, but the fact that the forest is too normal, while the whole realm was in a shitshow of a snowstorm yesterday, is in itself very odd, yes?” The men make a face, considering what you just said. “Uh, I guess?”

“Good. Now let’s see if the others are going through something just as weird.” You spare them no more explanation, walking off to Merry with Gwen to help her on the horse.

The ride was short as the waterfall area wasn’t that far and is still inside the seaforest. You keep a straight face despite your awe in the colorful grown trees. The leaves are almost turquoise and from a far, the whole forest, illuminated by the brightly shining sun, looked almost as blue as the waterfall.

The heat was starting to get to you, you wiped you’re your shawl across the beads of sweat on your hairline, feeling how warm your face is. “I don’t see any of them.” You stated out loud. “Wait let me-“ One of the guards gets off his horse and sprints closer to the caves near the waterfalls. “Tristen?” You heard him call out. But Tristen, hadn’t went alone, he had another one with him too.

“Who was the other one with Tristen?” You ask one of your own. “Fred.” You frowned and looked back. Fred was a shitty name, did not fit him at all.

You watch the guard, Emery, disappear into the cave in search of his friend. A few second later, he exits it alone. “I can’t find him, your honor!” He shouted. “It’s your majesty, dingus.” The guard next to you yell. “Oh.” You ignore their banter, heart sinking at Emery’s earlier words.

“What about Frank?” “Fred.” The guard corrects you in a whisper, “Fred! Yes, not even a sign of Fred?” You can see Emery tilting his head with his mouth hung open in confusion. “Who’s Fred?” Gwen chokes out a laugh, quickly hiding it with a loud cough. You groaned loudly, rubbing your face with your palms. Sweaty and annoyed, you called for Emery to come back before he too, disappears.

Gwen squeezes your shoulder once she realizes how worried you actually were. "Hey, I'm sure they're just with Alistair." You huffed. "I told them to be here, not with Alistair." She says nothing, eyeing you worriedly. "I hope for their sake, they are with him." You sighed out before you rode to the church.

•••••

They were not with Alistair. The concern he looked at you with when you yold him that you couldn't find them, haunts you still.

You made sure the stocks were divided quickly, asking your guard of the news spread around here of the forsests and homicide tragedy that recently occured.

"The twins, Alia and Ana, both had their organs taken off, and their hair shaved. It's textbook dark magic." He exclaimed. And you agreed with his words. Witchcraft wasn't hard to spot. it's the witch, that is. "Their skin looked like it was bitten and chewed off by dogs, beasts. And that's not the worst part." He speaks in a grave tone.

"Their corpes was hung for all to see." You felt a closh shiver running down your spine. Their blood is in your hand. As a rulerr, you've failed. And now your own guards goes missing. "The air here is haunted, Alistair." You had told him after the stock dividing was done.

"There is a stench so foul, only some could smell. And an ugliness only some can see behind the faux magical looks of the forest." And yet, many times have you been in Fullmar with your father, but this time, something sinizter hasve found it's home in the city. He knew what you meant, he felt it too. "We'll camp by the church tonight, alright? We'll wait for Tristen and Fred." He pulls you into an embrace, and you ket yourself relax slightly. Whatever was to happened, you're not leaving anyone behind.

The 6 of you make camp a bit further from the church in the woods, but not in the seaforest. You made sure the spot you chose was still near to the church and streets, in case of medical emergencies.

The moon was currently making it's appearance, in replacement to the sun. The men are talking amongst eachother as they finish their portion of porridge, a fire made in the middle of your circle.

Gwen watches as you stand still by a tree, gazing out at the empty darkness, searching. She places her finished bowl by her pack before slowly pushing herself up from her crossed legged position to walk towards you. She was worried for you. The way you held yourself and your position was respectable, but how yoy deny yourself personal satisfaction and joy is harmful.

You could drive yourself to madness. You cared for your people, too much, to the point where you thought that you'd do a much better job as a queen if you cared for yourself less.

You flinched when you feel her arm on your shoulder. Somehow missing the sound of her loud footsteps meeting the noisy sound of leaves crunching together. "Princess." Your cheeks warmed at the title despite the situation. "Are you trying to cause a scene, starving yourself like this?" She scolds softly, pulling you by your arm to turn around and face her. "I can't eat when I'm too worried." You defend yourself. She raises a brow before dragging you to the circle again.

You don't fight against her, knowing that she's right. You were punishing your body for the mistakes you didn't mean to make.

But it had been 9 hours since your two guards vanished. You wonder if you had sent them to their deaths.

Emery and Yusof is singing together, a soft melody on their tongue to fill the uncomfortable silence and elephant in the room. "I thought I was going to die." Emery serenades slowly, dragging the last word. "But you taught me how to fall, before you taught me anything at all." Both he and Yusof sang.

Gwen is nodding her head to their singinv as she scoops a spoon of your porridge. "Open up." She wiggles her brows as the soon moves in a wavy motion to your mouth. "No! You're not spoonfe-" The words die at the tip of your tongue when she shoves the spoon in your talking mouth, making you swallow it by force. She grins proudly at her victory, making it hard for you to be angry at her.

You glare at her as she continues to feed you a few more times, enjoying the act of embarassing you. The group of 4 men are gently clapping their hands now, making a beat of their song. "I'll take first watch." Alistair announced. "Emery can take after me." The younger whined at that, earning a slap on his shaved head.

He meets your eyes momentarily before looking away at the same emptiness you had just gazed upon before. They're not coming.

Your eyes shut closebin frustration and painful acceptance. Gwens fingers finds yours, intertwining your cold hands and her warm ones together as she leans closer to you. "It's not your fault." She whispers in your ear. You open your eyes to stare back at her, your back against a tree. "They went there on my order." You replied, evidently.

"You didn't know what would happened, no one did." Her gand tightens on yours. "Gwen." You called out tiredly, fighting the urge to cry. "Yes?" She leans her head on your shoulder, her breathing hot in the crook of your neck. "Don't let go, please." She squeezes your fingers. "I won't."

You notice just how blue her eyes are when she's sitting this close to you. And so you fell asleep with her eye color as the last thing you thought off.

You weren't sure how long you had slept for. But when you awoke, it was still dark. You were shaken by the cold wind, jolting you up. Gwen was stuck to your arm, your fingers still intertwined.

She snores slightly, mouth slightly open whem she's dozing off into a dream. You let yourself smile at the girl clinging onto you. Out of all the things you've done wrong, trusting her hasn't been one yet, so far.

Your daydream was shooked away when a sudden sound or rusting leaves makes you flinch. You turn to your front, seeing none other than Alistair. He has his back towarfdyou as he's staring far up front. "Ali?" You called.

He stands still, voice low when he finally speaks. "Do you hear that?" You frowned. "Hear what? And how long have you been up?" He turns his face to look at you. His expression was full of the deepest fears. His hands were trembling. "I've been hearing that for an hour now, but I can't find the source." You say nothing, trying to listen to what he mentioned of.

"Come here." He beckons you in a whisper. You shook your head. "You're scaring me Alistair." He sighs. "I'm sorry, I- look, I'm serious, I heard something, but you can only hear better here." Your fingers squeezes Gwen's arm, making her mumble in her sleep. "Come on." He repeats, stretching out a hand to you. You move from your position to slowly crouch betore standing up, taking his hand.

He walks slowly to where he stood, shielding you as he walks front first, a protective hand still holding yours. "Now, listen." He whispers. And so you follow.

You try to clear your mind as best as possible, searching for the sound he told you off. And right when you were about to tell him off, you heard it. A howl. You gasped and meets his eyes. "Wolves?" You asked. He shook his head. "That's not an animalz that's human. And it's too visible to be far in the seaforest."

You understood then what he meant. "We need to see." He takes a deep breath. "I know but-" you huffed aloud. "No but, I'm going." You push off his grip on you as you stride towards the deeper parts of the woods, with only your missing guards' condition in my mind.

"Damnit, wait!" You hear Alistair curses before foorsteps were hearf getting more far from you, he was waking the others.

"Tristen? Fred?" You whisper yelled. A howl of pain, alike to a scream was heard, louder. Oh my god. You called for them again. Your hands hold onto the tree barks like walls in the dark, the trees being too tall, limiting the moon's light. You curse yourself when you accidentally tripped on a stick, hands finding a tree bark immediately. "Gods sake- Tristen!" You yelled out once more.

"Princess." You jumped at Gwen's voice. Her eyes were droopy and hair messed up, and yet as she watches you longer, her eyes beginnto widen. "Princess. " she repeats, slower. "Gwen." You breathed out in relief. "You scared me." She says nothing, eyes moving up before it remains staring above your head. Her lips quiver as she stutters out incomprehensible strings of words. "I-I heard them." You explained plainly before following the arrow her eyes pointed at.

Your body detaches itself from the tree, and a hysterical scream escapes the deepest parts of your chest and throat.

On the stealthy branches of the tree you held onto just now, were two naked men, with the middle parts of tbeir body torn open, and hung on it. Their blood smears the leafs and bark, and it drips still, falling down onto the grass. Their faces stayed intact, and you recognizes the looks of Tristen and Fred easily.

[beary-rambles]

Flowers | The Series | Chapter Ten | Afternoon Tea

Summary | Queen Rhaenrya invites you to have tea with her but your mind is still running wild. the conversations you have today end up being more important to you than you thought.

Pairing | Jacaerys Velaryon x Fem!Reader

Warnings | not proofread, implied homophobia, implied internalized homophobia, jacaerys-less chapter (sorry next chap will have him promise!)

Word Count | 1.6k

A/n | This update took forever im so sorry for the wait!!

Series Masterlist

‘what is happening?’ you think to yourself a you trail a couple of paces behind the queen.

we're you in trouble? she seems far too happy for you to be in trouble. Maybe she finds delight in punishing people? no she does not seem like the type.

Your mind races as the two of you end up in a private room to where you see a gorgeous arrangement of snacks and a fresh hot pot of tea waiting.

“Sit sit please.”

You two take a seat and a servant rushes over to pour your cups. You sit up straight and tall, your mothers words ringing in the back of your head.

“Relax please i am not here to interogate you.”

You smile but dont relax, what if she was testing you, “Of course my queen.”

A moment of silence passes between the two of you as you take a sip of tea. Its rich, must be one of the finest drinks you'll ever put in your mouth.

“So its lady y/n is it?”

“Yes my queen.”

“And you are from the reach?”

“Yes my lady, the soil lands queen.”

She hums with a thought look, “Yes the soil lands, ive never been myself but i've heard it's gorgeous there.”

You smile as you think of your home. “It is my queen. The fields are always full of flowers, though it does rain often but it is beneficial since it leads to easier watering-” You pause as you notice yourself trailing off.

“my apologies my queen.”

she laughs with a fond look, “No no please continue.”

And you two talk for awhile. She continued to ask more and more about your home life to which you are more than happy to answer. Though you try your best today’s conversation with joffery lingers in your mind. It must be showing on your face because she ends up questioning you.

“May i ask you something?”

You tikd your head confused why she would ask as she had been asking you questions this whole time.

“of course my queen?”

“is something bothering you? you seem troubled.”

Would it be wrong of you to admit your troubles to her? You shouldn't. But you cant lie to her what are you supposed to say then? Youre quiet for a moment.

“do you believe one can truly be happy in a loveless marriage?”

She seems taken aback by the question, she opens and closes her mouth like a fish for a moment before she composes herself.

“why do you ask?”

You feel embarrassed as you look down at your hands, “i fear i may find myself in one, i simply wanted to ask i apologize-”

“theres no need too.” she soo’s away the servant in the room who gives her an odd look before leaving.

Rhaenrya readjusted herself and gulps. She looks as though she is thinking over something. “For starters, i do truly hope you shall never find yourself in such a position.”

She frowns slightly, “i do not believe it is possible.” She looks you dead in the eyes, “Even if you two respect and care for each other there will always be that mourning for what you cant have. There will always be that what if, that lingering desire for more. It will never make you truly happy.”

You sigh. Thats not the answer you wanted. But maybe it was the answer you needed to hear. You open your mouth to thank her but the door opens. “apologies for interrupting ladies but you are needed my queen.”

You quicker stand and bow, king consort daemon had a smirk on his face as he greeted you. “I take it you are the infamous lady dunn?”

“Yes my king.”

Rhaenyra moves to stand by his side and smiles at you.

“This was lovely lady y/n. We should do this again.”

You bow, “I thank you for your time my queen. I would be honored.”

They walk to the exit but she turns to you before they walk out, “You should remember what i told you.”

The two walk out, you can almost hear daemon ask what she was talking about to which she doesn't reply.

You're left feeling more confused than you were before. You walk out of the room and roam through the halls. What were you going to do?

Theres only one person who comes to mind who can help you make senses of all this and youre praying hes there waiting for you.

As soon as you open your door you see your father there waiting for you.

He smiles and stands from his place on your bed, “i havent seen you all day, haven't forgotten about your old man just yet have you?”

His smile drops slightly at the look on your face, “Whats wrong pumpkin?”

You move towards him and wrap your arms around him. You sigh as his warmth consumes you. “Take all the time you need pumpkin, your old man will be right here.”

“Joffery has asked me to enter a courtship with him.”

He tenses. “Oh.” He coughs and you pull away from him with a confused look.

“Thats great no?”

He’s looking away from you will a far away look, like he has too much on his mind.

“You do not seem happy father.”

“Of course I am sweet.”

You sigh and sit on the bed, he follows quickly after you and presents you with a fake smile.

“You are the one who seems unhappy my sweet what is it?”

You lean against his shoulder.

“Do you promise not to tell.”

“I promise.”

“He does not find comfort in women.”

You look at him to see his reaction. Your father closes his eyes and sighs.

“you..” You trail off as you watch your father closely, “you do not seem shocked.”

He finally at you with a sad look, you frown and open your mouth to question him but the door to your room opens.

The two of you turn in shock to your mother who closed the door behind her.

“you would not believe the delusion these women live in. That woman had basically called me a peasant how dare she-”

She freezes at the sight of the two of you.

“What happened?”

She and your father share a look. She tenses and your father stands, “give us a moment.”

The two huddle together and seem to be having an argument. Theyre talking too low so you can't her them. You watch them with confusion, what could they be talking about? You almost regret bringing this up.

They both turn to you and your mother rushes to sit next to your and grabs your arm.

“We have something to tell you sweetheart.”

Your father moves over to your other side and sits down.

“What's happening?”

They look at each other once more before your father places his hand ontop of yours making you face him.

“Me and your mother were best friends as children. We were never apart. One day when we were older your mother had confessed her love for me… but…..”

You place your other hand on top of his and squeeze it, “But what?”

“I did not love her like she loved me. And i still do not.”

You gasp in shock. Your parents were the epitome of love to you. They never showed affection like some couples did but they were were so loving with each other. Theyre faces would light up when they see each other. They would have these smiles on their faces that they would show no other. What could they possibly mean?

“What?”

“i do not find love in women either.”

You feel like your head is about to explode. “What?”

“I found out when i was young, actually only a couple days before your mother had confessed to me. I love her but not like a man loves a women. Not like a man should love his wife. She is my best friend. Thats all.”

Your mother nods, “I understood, i did take awhile. He actually had accepted my confession and pretend for a good while but i found him ot quickly. He had been crying like a baby when i confronted him,”

she laughed and he pouted at her, “There was no need to point that out.”

You watch in wonder as the two laugh at each other and playfully shove each other lightly.

“Im sorry you felt like you couldn't share this sooner with me father.”

His smile dropped and he put his hands on your shoulders, “do not blame yourself pumpkin. I am a coward, a coward who wants his daughter to see the best in me.”

“The best of you is the real you father.”

“Youre gonna make an old man cry youre a monster.”

You hit him as he brings a hand up to wipe a tear from his eye.

Your mother grabs your attention and gives you his lecture look, “I wish i could tell you you could end up like us but many are not as luck.”

You fall back onto the bed as your mind is racing.

The queens earlier conversation played in your wmind. She claimed there could be no love in a loveless marriage but you can clearly see your parents were happy. They were happy why couldn't you be?

“You alright sweetheart?”

you parents had laid down at your side, your mother placed a hand on your cheek as you smiled at her.

“I just have a lot on my mind.”

You move to face the ceiling, “I love you guys.”

“we love you more.”

A sharp knock interrupts the sweet moment between you three. Your father shoots up and gives you two confused looks to which your mother shrugs and urgers him to open it.

Who could possibly be here right now?

Your father opens the door and is taken aback.

“Prince Jacaerys?”

---

tags: @floswife @mrsperies @elissanatok @bubblestopia @aemondssiut @abrielletargaryen @parkchaeyoung1997 @cookielovesbook-akie

[st4rboyhere]

Moonslight 2

The outsiders Master-list

Dally Winston x male reader

@saaiimaakii @multiple-godgasm @tomdayasdaughter @jamesisbisexual @milos-a-bitch

A/n: I wanted to give this to you guys as a Christmas present but it didn’t work out so here’s a new years present ig??

Idk man I’m really tired 😭

This gotta be the shittiest smut I’ve ever written.

Happy new years though!!

Word count: 1,615

Summary: After a heartfelt conversation with Dally, the two of you yearn to see each other before the morning comes.

Warning: This is a MLM fic!! Those under sixteen, use she/her or she/they pronouns and Identify as a female please DNI. You will be blocked.

Not spell-checked!!

This one-shot contains:

Talk of Homophobia, public-ish sex (parents are below reader), hair pulling, slight frotting, dry humping, blowjobs (Reader receiving) making out, top and bottom aren’t specified but Id say they’re both switches, both characters are above the age of 18 because Dally Winston never died. L bomb.

—

You let your back fall onto your mattress, holding the phone close to your chest, your heart thumping.

You tried your best to calm yourself down but you couldn’t control the giddy smile that formed on your lips at the previous call. You felt like you were on the clouds, the feeling of being aware that Dally really did share the same the same feelings as you.

And now the two of you would finally see each other after months of not talking.

Holy shit you were going to see him.

You jumped off of your bed, rushing towards your closet to get a coat.

The phone dropped onto the floor and you tripped over the cable, falling and not hurting yourself too much, making a loud thump that you prayed your parents didn’t hear.

The last thing you wanted was for them to come up to your room and ask what exactly you were doing up so late.

By the time you zipped your jacket up, you realized you hadn’t exactly planned a place to meet with Dally and it wasn’t like you could call him and ask since you were highly doubtful of the possibility he was still in a payphone booth.

There was also a problem with going outside too, either it is peeping neighbors or the possibility of running into another soc who would most likely be drunk and you wouldn’t want to explain to them exactly why you were walking the streets late at night.

You felt dumb and rethought everything you said on the phone, wishing you set another date to see him instead of being so impatient and hanging up so quickly.

Even wishing you had rejected him fully.

Falling back onto your mattress, you looked up at your roof and tried once again to calm the feeling in your heart.

Second thoughts on the whole situation began to form in your mind and you started to feel better that Dally wasn’t coming.

You prayed it was truthfully a joke to play around with your feelings. After all, why call after ignoring me for weeks?

So many girls would feel lucky if they ever found out Dallas Winston had them in their hearts but you were the exact opposite.

And you were no lady.

Of course, you couldn’t deny your everlasting love for the man but there was a reputation you needed to keep up.

As much as you loved Dally with all of your heart and the time you’ve spent together is the most wonderful moments you’ve ever had, you didn’t like the thought of having to hide it from everyone.

A Greaser and a soc already weren't a good match, but a boy and a boy would get a riot out of the town.

You’d hate the thought of having to be separated from Dally, but maybe it would be better that way.

The sound of a small tapping you assumed to drizzle coming from outside sweep away your thoughts and you realized you had left your window open earlier today.

Not wanting any raindrops to get through you went to close it before just falling asleep and looking for Dal the next day, if he still wanted to see you.

You moved the curtain to the side, jumping back just a little when you were met with Dally's eyes, almost falling back onto your floor. He gave you a cocky grin when you looked at him in pure shock at his appearance.

Opening your window just a little bit more so he could get inside you hit him on the side of his head and he cackled, grabbing into your sides to keep his balance.

His lips instantly found yours, brushing against them and wasting no time to use his tongue to part yours for you.

Before he got any further you pushed him away, head practically spinning at your first half-kiss.

“C'mon, what’s the problem,” Dally asked, taking a small glance at your eyes before looking down at your lips and pouting.

“Dal, my parents are downstairs-”

Said you wanted to see me though,” he said, pushing you down onto your bed.

His hands continue to examine your body as if they had been waiting their whole life and you began to realize that may have been the case.

It wouldn’t have been the first time he touched you like this though, the only difference was his hands were sliding under and his intentions were as clear as day.

“Hey man seriously,” you say as you get up from your bed, reaching under your shirt and holding Dally's hands in place, “my parents are downstairs and I don’t wanna wake them up.”

He thought for a while, letting his hands slip off your skin.

He paced the room for a while, shaking his head up and down comically before tapping his foot on your floorboards as hard as he could.

You glared at him while he pressed his ears onto the ground, listening for anything.

But the house remained still and with that he tackled you back onto your bed, kissing you once again.

His fingers eagerly reached for your zipper, pulling it down along with your pants.

You sighed and threw your head back, hands finding themselves entangled in his hair, your palm rubbing his scalp as you watched him pull your boxers down just enough for your cock so spring out.

His hands felt so much softer than you imagined, and even though he was just pumping your cock it was so much better than when you were doing it yourself.

“Fuck you’re so pretty..” he whispered almost to himself, bringing his head down, slightly licking your tip.

You could feel yourself about to burst but you tried your best to hold it, too embarrassed to cum early.

His bludge was almost as painting as it was for you not being able to cum as it was for him to have to deal with it.

You reached your hand through your body and reached for his cock to palm him through his tight jeans, relishing in the gasp he let flow through the kiss when your hand squeezed it.

Dally pressed down on your pubic bone, hand leaving your cock to keep you still, not letting you move. He smiled at the playful whine you let out in frustration.

God, he just wouldn’t stop slurping on your balls and it was becoming hard to hold it in.

It would be worse to cum on his face and gross him out.

You took a hold of his hair again, trying your best to pry him off of you. He let out a sound similar to a whine when you pulled at his strands, letting your cock out of his mouth pop out of his mouth and smack against your stomach again.

His tongue remained extended on your head, reposing there. Cupping his cheeks, you lifted him off.

“I think we should stop,” you asserted, mind still filled with previous pleasure, sure that your sentence came out wobbly.

He looked at you, obviously confused and awaiting an answer, which you weren’t sure you could give.

“Do you..not want this?” He asked, distancing himself away from you but keeping his hands leaning on your sides.

“Maybe not with my parents in the house,” you slightly whispered, giving him a small smile.

You wanted this but the fear of someone catching you disturbed a potential orgasm you were dying to release.

“I need you though.”

It was hard to deny Dally of anything, especially when he was staring at you with those gorgeous eyes.

“I mean I guess you could just grind on me..”

It sounded stupid, you knew that. There was no chance in hell that he would take up that offer and climb out with cum stained pants-

“Sure.”

Your mouth nearly dropped to the floor, quickly clenching when he pushed you down back into your pillow, grabbing onto your chest, straddling your hips.

Without wasting a moment, he started to move his hips up and down, not bothering to pull your pants back up, the friction provided by the fabric against your cock feeling heavenly.

One of Dally's hands left your chest, moving to your face your cheeks, and squishing them together to bring you in for a kiss, sucking on your tongue.

You wrapped your hands around his waist, squeezing tightly onto his flesh as you bucked your hips in time with his.

He dragged his tongue on your lips, panting and smashing his hips into yours for a stop. A loud moan escaped his lips while he rutted into you.

His cum drips down to your thighs, cold and slick as it continues to fall down your thighs and onto the bedsheets that you had just recently changed and knew your parents would question why you were changing them again.

You rutted your hips as much up as you could into Dally with the pressure he was exerting, practically screaming so loud he had to smash his lips into yours as you came onto his jeans, some mixing with his and running down your thigh and leaking into his pants.

Reaching between your bodies one last time, you put your hand into his pants, rubbing your fingers against his tip. 

He hissed, too sensitive from just cumming though he still ground into your palm.

Taking your fingers out of his jeans, you brought your fingers to your mouth, licking his cum as you stared him in the eyes. He let out a laugh before flopping onto his side.

He kissed your other hand bringing it to his face and resting on it.

“I love you.”

[simpingcowboy]

On The Clock

Gif by pedro-pedrito-pascalito <3

Pairing: bottom Javier Peña x top agent M!Reader, reader is publicly out

Word Count: 4.2k+

Warnings: SMUT! mistaken homophobia (quickly rectified), slutshaming (both the kinky and non-kinky kind), humiliation/degradation kink, crude language, fighting for dominance, work place relationship, semi?public sex, oral sex, fingering, spit as lube, protected anal sex, aftercare

Summary: A few words spoken out of jealousy lead Peña to confront you... "What?" He cuts you off with a growl. "Now you're sorry? You wanna show me how sorry you are?" Javier asks, a soft tilt of his head

A/N: Listen I don't think slutshaming was technically a word in the 80's but you get the vibe. Someone had to put this man in his place!!! This one was alot of fun to write :))

"There he goes again." One of the two male agents before you says with a sigh.

       You look up from your desk, eyes following the two other agents' to see Javier Peña hitting on the newest transfer. He's got her closed in by the water dispenser, an arm propped up on the wall behind her. The opposite hand is tied into the belt loops on his waist as he pops his hip out, doing all to make his small behind seem more prominent. Those stupid sunglasses still perched on his nose despite being indoors. 

"Jesus, does that man ever take a break?" The senior agent to your left remarks, rolling his eyes at the interaction. 

"Wasn't he just seeing the receptionist? The blonde one?" You chime in. 

"Nah, Peña gave her the boot last week. He was taking that CIA girl out last I knew."

The older agent clicks his tongue, “Keeping track of all of his girls is damn near impossible.”

You resign back to your work with a sigh. “Well you know Peña,” you say unoticing of the DEA agent quickly approaching your desk, “he’ll fuck anything that moves.” A sharp nudge to your shoulder pulls your eyes back up from your paperwork. Catching the dark haired agent breaching earshot.

“Hey Agent Peña,” the senior agent says smoothly, silently praying Javier didn’t hear your comment, “What can we do for you?”

“Yeah…actually I was wondering...” He lingers, pulling the pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket and hitting one out into the palm of his hand. The thin cigarette is placed between his plush lips, as his eyes glare up into yours through the amber aviators, “Any of you got a light?”

A collective exhale is let out between you and your colleagues. Thankful that there would be no fights breaking out in the office today.

“I uh think I got one.” The younger agent pats his pockets, finally finding one in his back pocket. “Gotcha.” he says, offering the lit lighter to Peña. 

“Thanks.” the DEA agent mumbles, leaning in close to catch the light on the end of his cigarette. He takes a deep inhale, blowing out the puff of smoke down onto your desk with a sly smile. “Think I dropped mine out in the field, you know how it goes.” Javier drops your gaze to look off to the far side of the room, taking another deep inhale of the cigarette. 

     As annoying as you find him, it’s useless to deny the pure unadulterated sex appeal of the man. It’s easy to understand how he gets so many women in his bed. He even makes smoking look good. Hip popped to his left, hand sitting right above his tight ass. Right hand holding the cigarette to his lips. Broad shoulders squared off facing you. Making it easy to oogle at his physic. His strong chest, practically pulling against the half undone button up shirt. A small waist, cinched in by his tight belt and painted on jeans. His turned neck pulls focus on his strong neck, and mesmorizing side profile. 

“Anyways-” He cuts off your wandering gaze snapping you back to the moment, “I gotta go see what Murphy is up to. See you guys around.” Is all he says, before whisking away to the DEA sector of the floor.

“Whatta weirdo.” The man to your right announces with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t get what all the ladies see in him.”

To that the senior agent laughs, “You’re just jealous!”

“Am not!” he defends. “I bet I could get the new transfer’s number if I wanted.”

“Yeah right!” The agent to your left chuckles, but the conversation is lost on you. Your mind muddled with the tantalizing image of Javier Peña. “Hey!” He snaps, bringing you back to reality. “You there?”

“Y-yeah” you stutter, suddenly aware of the semi you were sporting under your desk. “Sorry guys, I really gotta get going on this paperwork.” Not exactly a lie, but not the real reason for your wandering mind.

They sigh, but get up off your desk. “See ya tomorrow!” They each wave goodbye. 

     The day drags, the pile of paperwork not much smaller than when you’d first began. Your brain appartently fixated on one Javier Peña. Your cock twitching with every intrusive thought about the DEA agent’s tempting figure. Before you know it, the floor is cleared. The office growing darker and darker as the lights go off one by one. The receptionist makes her final round, always staying far later than neccesary. She bounds around the corner, shooting you a kind smile.

“You’re still here?” She asks, with a soft tilt of her head.

You huff out a chuckle, “Paperwork won’t do itself.” you say with a shrug.

The receptionist smiles at you in the dim room, “Well have a goodnight Agent.” She says with a nod of her head, about to turn towards the exit. “Oh and goodnight Peña!” She waves to an unseen figure behind you.

“Night Sweetheart.” He calls back from the shadows, stepping forward and resting a heavy hand on your shoulder.

Fuck. You think to yourself, your breath catching in your throat. Silently hoping the kind receptionist will find a reason to stay. Much to your dismay, she promptly shuts the door behind her. Leaving you alone with the DEA agent.

“You know she likes you?” He says from behind you.

“She’s not really my type...” You bite your tongue to keep from saying anything more. The girl was kind. Pretty. But you only had eyes for a certain one person in this office. The one currently leering over your shoulder. 

“What is your type then?” Peña leans in close to your ear, the huff of his breath blowing over the side of your face. 

“I uhh” you gulp, trying to keep your composure. It wasn’t exactly a secret that you liked men, a small fact that slipped during an undercover job with the Cali cartel, but you far from appreciated the condescending tone in Peña’s voice  “like dark hair…dark eyes.”

Javier chuckles at your side, a smug smile on his face. “Sounds alot like me.” He teases.

“Fuck you Peña!” You get up from your desk, pushing his hand off of you. “I’m not gonna take this shit from yo-” 

He stops you, hands quickly grabbing your waist and pulling you against him. Wordlessly catching you in a heated kiss. Plush lips pressing against yours, a low groan escaping the other man as he grinds his hard cock on your hip. Thick hands find their way into your back pocket, cupping your ass. He pulls back, barely separating himself from your lips. “Didn’t mean it like that, Hermoso.” He whispers, dark brown eyes blown out with lust. 

"Peña you…” Your hands brace themselves on Javi’s chest, as your mind still reeling from the turn of events, “You like men?"

He scoffs at you, offering a half hearted smirk, "As you said. I fuck anything that moves, right?" 

A wave of guilt comes over you, face going hot with embarassment. "Fuck Peña I-" 

"What?" He cuts you off with a growl. "Now you're sorry? You wanna show me how sorry you are?" Javier asks, a soft tilt of his head. Hands freeing themselves from your back pocket; sliding up to your face. His thumb gliding over your bottom lip. "Get on your knees." He commands, hands dropping to pull at his belt. 

     Part of you wants to hit him for having the audacity to fuck with you like this. But all the blood rushing to your cock makes it difficult to care. You drop down onto your knees, looking up at him expectantly. Watching eagerly as he tears those way too tight jeans off his thick bulge. Your eyes go wide as you realize, the motherfucker doesn’t even wear underwear. His beautiful cock springing out proudly, damn near jumping in front of your face. It's long and girthy with a weeping uncut head. A perfect patch of dark brown curls coating the base.

"Too much, Baby?" Javi teases with a cocked smile. Obviously pleased with your assessment of him. 

You shoot a glare up at him, "I can take it."

     With that you down his cock as best you can in one go, pushing the tip down to the back of your throat. Swallowing around the sensitive head. One hand working the bit of him you can't take all the way down. 

Javi hisses as you take him down your throat. "Ohh you're good at that." He exclaims, head thrown back in pleasure. Hands bracing on the desk behind him as his hips thrust up to meet your bobbing head. 

     Precum spills from the uncut head, languishing your tongue in his taste. He tastes salty and just a tad bitter. Taking him down to the base, you catch the scent of his clothes. He smells like cigarettes and gunpowder, but there’s more. A remnant of sweat heavy on him, filling your nose with Peña’s own delicious scent. It’s earthy yet bright. His thick pheromones go straight to your already hard cock, making it throb in your pants. Uncaring of what Peña thinks, you reach down to grind against your hand. Moaning around his cock at the sweet relief of friction.

"Fuck" Javi groans, watching as you touch yourself. "Is this what you wanted, Guapo? My cock? Got jealous of all those pretty girls, hmm?” He asks, snapping his hips down your throat. “I bet you just wanted me all to yourself." The DEA agent says with a self assured smirk. He lets you continue on, enjoying the sight of you on your knees. Before pulling you off, “Don’t wanna cum down your throat, wanna cum in your cute ass.” 

You get up off the floor with a smirk of your own. “No way, Peña.” You push up close against him, grinding your cock against his hip, taking his hard member in your hand. “Who knows where that thing has been.”

Javier winces as your hand squeezes around him. An indisputable throb running up his cock at your cruel words. A warm blush creeping up his cheeks. “D-didn’t mind it in your mouth.” He half-heartedly retorts, obviously affected by your words.

“Keep mouthwash at my desk for a reason, Peña.” You tease, though that was not the reason, you knew that Javi’s lust filled mind wouldn’t be able to reason against it.

His heavy cock jumps in your hand, as he lets out a soft whine. “Y-yeah okay” he says with a groan.

“You want me to fuck you?” you ask with a raised eyebrow, surprised with how quickly he changed his mind.

He nods swiftly, a squirt of precum leaking over your hand. “I want it.”

"Fuck okay. I'll take care of you, Baby." You assure him, moving to rub your hands soothingly along his sides. Hands sliding up his shirt. "You got a condom?" 

Javier nods, sliding one from his pocket into your hand. "H-how do you want me?" He asks shyly, obviously nervous. 

God, he looks so cute like this. All shy and flustered. You deliver a soft kiss to his lips, which he melts into, relaxing in your hands. "Can you bend over for me?" You ask in a hushed voice, needing to walk him through it.

"Y-yeah." He squeaks out, pulling away from you and bending over the desk, elbows resting on the smooth oak. Another soft whine escapes him as you shuck his pants down. Though you'd never be able to tell by the tight pants the DEA agent sports, he is actually just slightly self conscious of his backside. 

"Fuck that's pretty." You moan, hands gliding over the petite globes of his ass. His tight hole flinches at your touch."Peña, have you ever?"

"Once…or twice." The man admits with a hot blush, almost unbelieving he's about to let you fuck him like this.

"I'll go slow." You assure him. You take your thumb in your mouth, wetting it to the best of your ability before slowly pushing it in. "Relax. Let me in." The small digit slowly sinks into him. Earning you a loud moan from him.

"Fucking christ-" He cusses beneath you, leaving a quiet reminder to himself to start keeping some lube on him. 

Your thumb rocks slowly in and out. Opening him up for you. "Doing so good, Peña-"

"Javi." He cuts you off abruptly. "Call me Javi."

You can't help the smile that comes over your face, "Okay…Javi. Can you handle more?"

He nods, head falling between his hands. "Yeah. I can take it."

     With that, you retract your thumb. Bringing your index and middle finger to your mouth to wet them. You lean in close to his hole, and spit on it. Javi's mouth drops at the feeling of your warm spit against his ass. You work your two fingers into him. Sliding them in slowly. You bite your lip as he encompasses your fingers in his warmth; imagining how good he'll feel around your cock. After a few moments, he begins rocking back against you fucking himself open on your fingers. 

"M-more." Peña moans. "Your cock-."

"Shit, Javi are you sure?" He was still so tight around just your two fingers. 

     Peña reaches back, pushing you off of him. He turns around standing up right and grabs you by the back of the neck. Pulling you into a sloppy kiss. His tongue finds solace in the confines of your mouth; the taste of himself still heavy on your tongue. That neat mustache rubs abrasively against your upper lip. You eagerly swallow down every greedy moan he releases into you. Thick hands find your hips and push you down into the desk chair.

"You wanna fuck me, Agent?" Javier leans in, looming over you, breathing hard. "Get to it then." He says, a hand grinding down on your throbbing bulge. 

"Fuck. I got you." You groan, sitting Javier back on the desk. "Needy thing."

     You both work to remove your clothes. Javi pulling off his pants and unbuttoning the remainder of his top. You rip your shirt off, throwing it back behind you. Pulling at your pants, desperate to relieve some tension. Finally, freeing your cock from its constraints. Making quick work of the condom and rushing to roll it down over yourself. A pair of legs wrap themselves up around your waist, pulling you closer.

"Hermoso…" Peña pleads, big puppy dog eyes staring up at you. His cock throbs heavy against his stomach. His pretty body is on perfect display beneath you. Just the edges of his broad shoulders were still covered, that pink shirt he wore barely clinging to him. 

"I know, I know." You say softly. Spitting into your hand, trying to make everything as slick as possible for him. You lean in close, pressing your forehead to his. "Tell me if it hurts, okay?"

A small quiver in his voice comes through at the softness of your words, "Y-yeah I will…" a tinge of red evident on his cheeks.

"Good boy." You say as you slowly push into him, hands on his hips. Sinking deeper and deeper into Javi's tight hole. Enveloping you in his warmth. Every inch of your cock getting squeezed by his insides. He feels like heaven around you.

     Javi is just as enraptured in you. The weight of you pressing against him makes him throb. Your slow breach of him has stars bursting behind his eyes. The stretch stings just slightly, but the pleasure is too overbearing for him to care. He doesn't miss the softness of your words and actions. The sweetness makes his ears go red, and heightens the delinquency of the situation; that is you fucking him on your work desk. A matching moan spilling from both your lips as you bottom out.

"Fuck Javi-" you hiss, rolling your hips out slowly. "You're so tight."

"Mierda." Peña groans out, eyebrows pinched and head thrown back in pleasure. 

      Another tentative roll of your hips has him loosening up around you. His body eagerly accepts the intrusion. His slender hips hesitantly rocking to meet yours. Bottoming out with each long slow thrust. He feels so fucking good, a desperate need to rut into Javier builds in you. And apparently in Javi too.

"More." He grits out between clenched teeth. "I need more." He repeats pulling you in closer by the back of your neck. 

     A small smile pulls at the corners of your mouth. Javier Peña likes it rough and you were happy to oblige. On the next roll of your hips, you slam back into him. The corners of the old metal desk Javi is sat upon creaks. He rewards you with a loud whine, cutting himself off with the bite of his lip. You continue. Fucking into him with quick sharp thrusts. Though slightly looser, his tight hole is still gripping you like a vice. It took a lot of work to move yourself in him, having to carve room for your cock from his insides.

The words escape your lips before you even have time to think. "You really don't bottom a lot, huh?" Though a fact, one he'd shared himself earlier, it comes out much more teasing than intended.

He whines in response, ears going red "N-no…"

You don't miss the way his dick jumps. That's when you realize, he's not just putting up with your teasing, Peña likes being degraded. "Fuck- but you like that dick don't you? Needed some cock, Baby?" 

"Mierda- yes!" He huffs, eyes rolling back as you grind into him particularly deep. 

"Being so good for me. Letting me fuck you on my desk- such a good whore." 

That catches his attention. Ears going red. No one had ever called him that before- least not to his face. Sure, he was known as a womanizer but to be called a whore by the man bottomed out inside him? Felt downright humiliating. Javi loved it. 

"Gave up that pretty ass so fucking easy." You whisper low into his ear. 

Peña's face burns bright with embarrassment. But his cock is throbbing with arousal. A flood of precum running down his throbbing member. A whine coming up from his throat. 

You eat up every second of it. Every word spilling from your lips, turning Javi's usual golden skin, flushed red. Even spreading across his beautiful chest. The usually over confident cock DEA agent reduced down to this shy man beneath you. "What? Dirty slut too cock drunk to say anything?"

Javi bites his lips, struggling to maintain your harsh gaze. "S-shut up an-and fuck me." He manages to get out between clenched teeth. Fighting to stave off his orgasm. 

"Thought I already was. Or do you want more?" Your eyes glide over his body. Down his broad chest, filling the line of his stomach, and finally to his hard cock. The head is purple and throbbing with need. "Want me to touch you?"

"Fuck yes-" he says with an eager grin. Hips rolling up in anticipation. Needing some relief.

"Beg." You demand with a terrible smile. 

"W-what?" He whimpers. Big brown eyes staring up at you, a soft pout on his plush lips. 

"Beg me to touch you." 

Peña bites his lip to stop the words from coming out; not wanting to give you the satisfaction. Javier Peña has never begged for sex in his life. But with the way his cock is practically pleading for you, he supposed now is as good of a time to start as any. "Please…" He begs, his hand wrapping around your bicep. "Please touch me."

"Good slut." You reward him by taking his cock in hand. Which causes him to grow tighter around you. There's sufficient precum to jerk him in time with your thrusts. With the way he throbs in your hand, you can tell he's close.

"G-good…so perfect- fuck" Javi mumbles incoherently. Rocking his hips below you. Moving himself back and forth between your hand on his dick and your cock in his ass. Letting you get even deeper inside him. Pushing the head of your cock against that perfect spot inside him, that has him seeing stars.

"Fuck Javi-" you moan at the way he clenches around you. Tight and hot. "Want you to cum for me." You say, snapping your hips harder into him. Your own body tightening as your orgasm builds. 

     Javier's mouth drops open. Legs closing around your hips, pushing you deep inside him. His cries echoing through the empty office. Fingers digging into your back, pulling you close. Javier cries out your name with a choked moan as his hips jerk beneath you. Cum splatters up over his stomach and chest. Head thrown back in ecstasy.

     The delicious sight below you has you teetering on the edge of your own climax. You can't help but lean in to take a taste. Dipping your head down to Javier's golden chest, lapping at the warm cum splattered upon him. Another breathy moan escaping the DEA agent as he watches you taste him. His warm brown eyes glued to you.

      It's too much. Those eyes on you. His arms and legs wrapped around you. The way his body pulses around you. The salty taste of him on your tongue. And with another half dozen harsh thrusts you finish inside him, filling the condom. 

"Javi- Javi!" You moan against his shoulder. Slumping down against him, arms braced on either side to keep some of your weight off of him. 

"Fuck…" he breathes out between pants, coming down from his orgasmic haze. Nudging his arched nose against your cheek, leaning in for a soft kiss. Uncaring that he can still taste himself on you.

     You happily accept his soft kisses. Enjoying the fuzzy post orgasm feeling. Smiling at the feeling of his fluffy mustache on your lip. Large hands find their way to your face, cupping your cheeks. Reluctantly, you pull off him.

"Javi, I need to slip out, okay?" 

He affirms with a nod. 

"Relax for me." You say softly, leaning back off of him. Taking one last look at the mess you two made; you grip the condom and pull out. Quickly tying off the end and tossing it in the waste bin. 

     You look across your desk for the box of tissues, sighing as you survey the damage done to your work space. Your paperwork was scattered. Folders disorganized. Pen holder tipped over. Not to mention the stench of sweat and sex hanging heavy in the air. But all that could wait.

     Taking a handful of tissues, you begin cleaning up Javi. Running the paper over his exposed body, gathering the remnant of his orgasm. A soft hiss leaving him as you clean up his softening cock. Another as you gently wipe his slightly gaped hole. 

As you turn to clean yourself up you ask, "Are you feeling okay?" 

"Y-yeah." He answered simply, slowly rebuttoning his pink shirt. "I'm good."

"Good…here!" You call, tossing him his pants that he'd thrown to the side. 

"Thanks." He says, finally unseating himself from your desk. 

     In a comfortable silence, you each get dressed. Just the soft sound of fabric filling the air between you two. The rustle of pants. The familiar sound of a zipper being pulled. The clink of a belt. It continues until you're both back in your clothes. If it weren't for the mess around you, and the taste of Javi still on your tongue; you'd almost think you'd imagined the whole thing. When you look over at him, he's already staring back. Lit cigarette in hand. Warm brown eyes on you. He's the first to speak up.

"So uhh …round two?" He asks with a lift of his eyebrow, taking another puff of his cigarette. "My place?"

"Fuck yeah." You answer with a smile. Swiping your jacket from the back of your desk chair. Half heartedly reorganizing your desk. Just enough that it wouldn't be so suspicious come Monday morning. 

Peña is just as eager. Dipping away momentarily to snatch his leather jacket from his desk across the office. He jogs back over to you, "Ready to go, Hermoso?" 

"Yeah, all good." You confirm, letting him guide you out of the shared office building. 

     You can't help but notice the other agent's usual swagger seems impeded. His typically confident strides were replaced with a shuffle. Each step falling short and heavy. He'd definitely be feeling the events of tonight for the next couple days. Peña brings you to his car, holding the door open for you. Quickly sauntering over to his side of the vehicle. 

Once seated, Javier pauses "Listen…that slut shaming shit. Keep it between us? Not on the clock. Deal?"

"Fuck…yeah. I am sorry...really. I was just jealous." 

Javier smirks, taking the final huff off his cigarette. "Guess you don't have to be jealous anymore."

"Guess not…" you return his mischievous smile, plucking the end of his cigarette from his lips. Burying the glowing end into the ashtray. "You know, if you need something to suck on I've got something for you."

Javi scoffs, "Only if I'm topping this time." He responds, shifting the car into drive.

"We'll see about that Peña." You roll your eyes, wondering just how many of his buttons you can press before you arrive at his apartment. 

[elli3luvs]

could i get ellie as a knight in love with princess reader?

my beloved

summary: she was coming back today. after many days and nights without her, your knight was finally back.

wc: 985

cw: mentions of injury, maybe slight homophobia in a way

a/n: i literally love this trope it's my absolute favorite! thanks for your request

your fingers tapped against the book laid in front of you. your tutor was going on and on about the dull allegories hidden within the text, but you couldn't be troubled to pay much attention. 

she was coming back. after many restless nights, you finally got a letter delivered addressed to you detailing where exactly she was. 

if she was correct in her estimate, the group she was with should enter the palace any time now. at the latest, another hour or so. your heart swelled at the prospect of seeing her again.

your tutor clicks her tongue as she sees your eyes wandering out the window, "my lady," your head twists back to look at her, "looking out the window will not bring her any faster."

you lay your head on your hands with a sigh. there was truth to her words but all you wanted to do was will the knights to arrive, "i just pray they are safe, that is all."

she chuckles at your words, "i know your true intentions."

it wasn't said in a malicious manner, you knew she would never mean it like that, but it still made your heart pick up speed. falling in love with a knight as a princess was taboo enough. but with a woman knight? it would be hard for your to fully explain that to people. 

"there they are!" she blurts suddenly while clapping her hands together. you jump out of your seat and scramble over to the window.

she was there in the front, riding in on a beautiful white horse. you couldn't see her face due to those stupid metal headgear. it was for her safety, but you were selfish. all you wanted was to see her freckled face. you were going to have to be a little more patient.

you look over at your tutor who gave you a knowing nod. she was telling you to go ahead. the books scattered on your desk were the last thing on your mind as you scurried out of the room. the hallways were bustling with maids and medics dashing to tend to the knights.

you weave through the crowd of people, trying to hide a smile that was pulling at the corners of your mouth. 

your friend, who happened to be a maid, stops you with a giddy expression, "come over here!" she whispers while pulling you into a concealed corner.

"dina," your hushed whisper vibrated between the two of you, "i must go! i have to see her this instance or i will seriously explode." 

she laughs, "i know, i know but," her face turns more solemn. worry spread through you, "i must let you know that she was injured."

you twist to try and get out of the corner but dina was stronger than she looked. she kept you firmly in place, "i have to go!"

"it was nothing serious!" her words cause your wriggling to stop, "she just has a slight scar on her face now. that is what i have heard from the medics."

"oh, dina. i don't care about that."

dina pats your shoulder, "yes, i'm aware. ellie can do no wrong but i just didn't want you to be stunned," she pushes your shoulder slightly, "now go see her."

not wasting a second, you dart back into the hallway, breaking through the flow of people. you had to get your tree soon or she would have to go back to training without even getting to see each other. you could not let that happen. that would be a fate worse than death for you right now.

when the outside air rolls onto your skin you feel a sudden relief wash over you. only a couple more strides and she would be there, waiting for you. the thought made you giddy.

as you breached the top of the hill, you saw her outline staring in the opposite direction of you. she was looking out on the small village you were one day going to rule over. your heart hammered against your chest. she was as gorgeous as she was when she left.

you take a couple more steps before calling out, "ellie." she jumped at your voice before turning around. 

her face scrunched as if she was in pain before engulfing you in her arms, "it felt like i waited for you for an eternity out here."

you take a deep breath, reveling in how her arms felt around you, "dina pulled me aside. i would've gotten here faster if i could have."

ellie laughs and you could cry at how the sound made you feel, "that girl is always causing trouble." she pulls you from her chest so she could look at you.

your eyes go to the scar that starts at the top of her eyebrow and ends in the middle of her cheek. your fingers ghost over the healed scar. ellie smiles gently at the soft way you treat her.

"a knife wound," ellie speaks causing you to jerk away, "i let my guard down."

you rub her face and she leans into it as if she had been starving for your touch, "even with a wound like this you are still the most sensational human i've ever seen."

she shakes her head, "clearly you haven't seen yourself," her hands grab at your waist, "i missed yo-"

a booming voice echoes throughout the hill, calling for your perfect knight. she curses as a tinge of regret flickers through her eyes. ellie looks at you apologetically but you understand.

"i may have looked at the schedule of the knights," ellie looks impressed at your act of deviance, "i expected this. you may go, i am just elated we got to spend some time together."

ellie lands a kiss on your cheek, brushing your hair out of your face, "expect to see me tonight, my beloved."

[love-toxin]

my ass is craving for male! angel face who's in the basketball team and is flirty little shit who's a perv with a perv! bully! Eddie

teehee....flirty male angelface my love.....

pretty boy

(cws: bully!perv!eddie, flirty!jock!m!angelface, homophobia, "freak" used in the homophobic sense, violence/fighting, bruises, one shower trope [kinda], clothes stealing, bullying, eddie's got a staring problem, angel's kind of a charming loner.)

you're kind of an anomaly--you're pretty well-liked, and the girls just flock to you most of the time, but you don't really date or have many friends. of course, that just maximizes the intrigue for the ladies, but you're really not too worried about them....not that they or most people really know that. on the other hand, despite being one of the better basketball players in Hawkins, your team absolutely despises you. Sinclair's pretty much the only one who doesn't, he's a pretty cool kid and you've enjoyed giving him some pointers now and again, but Jason and the rest of them often like to throw names your way and do their best to keep you on the bench as much as possible. if you weren't the one getting them through most of the finals, you'd probably just quit, and the coach wouldn't be begging you to stay--you really only do it cause you like it, and it's a way to pass the time.

of course, the most pressing reason they hate you is cause you're different--you're a freak, and they make sure you remember that every time they force you to wait outside until they're all done showering and changing. and yet you're rarely ever really alone when you finally get off the bench with a sigh and walk in, the empty changing room squeaking to life when you flip on the shower to wash off. if it wasn't for Eddie, they'd probably never suspect you, and you could get through your second try of your last year in peace--you probably wouldn't be on your second try in the first place.

but you have to be honest with yourself. at the end of the day, you haven't really done much to keep him away. you like the attention, but you only really like it from him--including when you feel his eyes on your back as you rub soap down your arms. for all his chains and buttons and leather, the man moves like a damn panther when he doesn't want to be heard.

"if you wanna beat me up, take a number. I already got my ass kicked once today." you chuckle, knowing he's closer than you think if you can feel him staring so intensely, as you call out into the echoey locker room. "unless you're just here to steal my clothes, in which case you're gonna have to figure out my new locker combo. try your birthday, babe." you smile to yourself, knowing you're earning yourself a higher place on Eddie's shit list the more you tease him. although, to be frank, you're pretty much the only name on that list in the first place.

the silence creeps in closer, hanging in the background of the hail of warm water hitting your body and the cold tiles under your feet. there's not even an ounce of shuffling that you can hear, and it dampens your smile until you find yourself scowling at the silver shower handle in front of you.

"they asked about you, y'know." you say with a sobering voice, lathering your body wash in a rougher manner than you need to between your hands. "last time they beat me up. asked if I was gonna go suck you off after practice for your devil rituals."

people's opinions don't generally bother you, you try not to let them--it's one of the reasons why you're such a target, especially for Eddie, who's always trying to get a reaction out of you. he loves it when you show even an inkling of losing your cool, of snapping back at him, but he rarely gets the passionate response that he really wants. so he keeps pushing, pushing, pushing, until it takes all you have to grit your teeth and smile so you don't punch him right in that stupid, pretty face.

"....you know, you really don't make my life easy, you prick." you huff. "but by all means, take what you want. go show it off to your shitty little friends at satan worship club."

you can't imagine he does anything else with the things of yours he steals, other than pawn them off or keep them for whatever reason. you'd feel more violated if he didn't occasionally sneak them back into your locker or your backpack--always washed, which just makes you more concerned than angry.

".....Eddie?" you call out again, leaning back and searching the space you can see from where you stand, a twinge of panic shooting through you at the uncanny silence. if he was watching you, he'd usually make himself known at some point--and now you fear it might not be him, and goosebumps rise to your skin at the thought that some of your team members are waiting in the wings to dish out more humiliating punishment. and if they've been listening to what you've said when you thought you were talking to Eddie, you really fear for yourself. but just as you're reaching to turn the handle and shut off the water, a sudden thud makes you jump and then there's someone standing in the doorway between the shower block and the locker room.

that messy mop of hair gives it away immediately, a towel wrapped round his waist that comes off as he approaches the showerhead right next to yours and turns it on. you catch Eddie's grin from your peripheral as you go from gawking openly at him showing up to averting your eyes when he strips himself bare, so used to avoiding even the appearance of impropriety around other guys that it's just habit--even though Eddie's staring pretty obviously when you manage to look him in the eyes. the wash of water pouring over his head mats down his curls and accentuates the distinct features of his face, as well as the ink contrasting his fair skin that seems to crop up everywhere you dare to look.

"devil rituals, huh? clever." his smile doesn't reach his eyes, those big, brown beauties betraying something that chills you a little when they're directed at you. he goes about washing himself off, but he's clearly distracted--and so are you, rendered speechless even when he steals a bit of your body wash and rubs it down his chest, staring off into the distance as you try to focus on doing the same. it's strange. oddly domestic, showering next to each other.....and Eddie keeps glancing back in the direction of the door, seemingly keeping his ears perked for any sounds outside the norm. "....that where the bruises came from?"

he asks it so casually you almost do a double take, but thinking better of it, you keep yourself fixed on one of the random floor tiles as the answer just dribbles out of you.

"getting 'beat up'....that was a little dramatic. they just kinda....throw me around. can't break their star player's arm, y'know." you laugh without a shred of humour behind it, running through the events of this morning behind the school like they just happened. it's always just a little scuffle, some pushing and shoving and sometimes a punch thrown, it's mostly the jeers that hurt--and you know better than to fight back, lest they flex that power they have to make sure nobody believes you over them. you're associated with Eddie Munson, after all.

you rub over one of the bruises on your ribs, hissing sharply but quietly at the ache as your fingers graze it. doesn't help that your teammates, save Sinclair, thoroughly enjoy elbowing you or tossing the ball hard enough that those spots hurt even more during practice. and Eddie notices, as he always does, even though you'd never think he would.

"let's get one thing straight," Eddie turns his gaze to yours, and pierces you straight to the bone. it's weird, you don't really get close to a lot of people, but Eddie always seems to be able to read you like nobody else could. "it's no fun to dogpile someone that's already on the ground. it's just depressing."

he flicks his wet hair over his shoulder, and you follow the motion it makes as it drapes over his shoulder and down his back. he's not really that hairy, aside from the smattering of hair down his stomach that leads to--you shake your head free of where you're tempted to look, though the thought doesn't wrestle free from your mind and won't for a while. without a reply, Eddie rinses the rest of the soap off that he's lathered around that area, and thinks hard before he speaks again.

"where's the fun in pushing you around if you're just going through the motions? besides, you look so pathetic when you're lonely." lonely. does he really think that way? does he know how often you lay awake in the mornings, knowing what's coming in the day ahead, and wishing you weren't so much of a freak that you could have some friends to rely on when things get too hard to deal with?

"so you're keeping me company?" you test, sharing another look that he keeps locked so you don't even think you could break it if you tried.

"nothing of the sort." he smirks as he takes stock of your body one more time, from the toes to the top of your head. "I'm just enjoying the view."

with that, he shuts off his own shower, and pads away without a second glance to leave you watching his back, up until he turns the corner to the lockers and disappears. with a bit of shuffling and shifting clothes, you listen closely until his shoes thump against the floor and the door opens, before slowly creaking shut with a final thunk.

"so you are a freak." you speak aloud to nobody but yourself, a chuckle coming off your lips borne of nothing but disbelief. you just have to roll your eyes as you turn the handle on your own shower, but there's a grin you can't hide creeping across your lips as the spout sputters to an end and you wrap your towel round your hips, before following where Eddie had gone and approaching the lockers around the corner. but when you see what he left for you, you grimace.

"oh, you asshole."

your locker door left open and empty, your bag sits clearly rummaged through on the bench, one of your socks having fallen to the floor while the rest of your clothes are missing. and when you pull it open all the way to see if there's anything to salvage your dignity other than a measly towel, you're met with a very familiar logo as you lean over it.

sitting crumpled and half-folded, but very clearly smoothed out so you wouldn't miss it, is Eddie's Hellfire shirt. pushing it aside, you see the jeans he must've been wearing today rolled up underneath. no underwear to speak of, although you're not sure you'd wanna wear his anyways. with everyone else gone, you have no other options--so you're forced to don the sweaty clothes that reek of cigarettes and weed, but even moreso, they reek of Eddie. part of you wonders, as you huff and gather your things together to beat a hasty retreat out of the school, whether people will notice that Eddie's wearing your clothes too. maybe they'll wonder....

whatever. you need to get out of here, and you sling your bag over your shoulder before hurrying out the door and shoving your hands in pockets that aren't yours, tilting your head down and hoping nobody spots you--but just as you're at the doors that lead out to your car, you hear someone's voice down the semi-empty hall; what sounds like a very familiar freshman squabbling with someone.

"Eddie, what the hell?! if you're gonna make me cover for you, at least come back on time! and where's your shirt? why's your hair wet?"

"nunya, Henderson. let's get going."

and when you turn to look, there's Eddie, looming over his protégé with that same award-winning smile--the two of them turn to walk down the hall towards their clubroom, but before they duck in through the door, Eddie turns his head over his shoulder to lock eyes with you, completely knowingly. he runs his stare over your body one more time, clearly enjoying how you fill out his clothes as he mouths the words "pretty boy", and winks in your direction before vanishing through the doorway and closing it behind him.

he's one to talk, he's really one to talk--looking so much softer in your sweater and acid-wash jeans, so cute, that you have to cover the flickering smile you've got at the compliment with your hand as you step out into the chilly air, and feel your still-damp skin prickle as the breeze hits it while you walk to your car.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Meant To Be Mine

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV) Summary: She always thought that it was going to be only them. It had been since the first time she had come to the London house, after all. Eloise is always somehow wrong. Warnings: Period-typical homophobia, period-typical sexism, and unrequited relationships Word Count: 6,410 Ship(s): Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington (Unrequited), Penelope Featherington/Colin Bridgerton

Archive link!

A/N: It's my first work in this fandom! I wanted to write and publish this one first as a thank you to my favorite mutual, who really likes queer Eloise headcanons. As always with my angst fics, there's a bit of tenderness and affection towards the end but it's not between penloise, it focuses instead on the siblings. One day I will write something with canon penloise but it's not today. Enjoy the angst! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone &lt;3

The moment that the knock on the front door sounded through the large front entryway, Eloise felt her heart skip a beat in her chest. She snapped the book in her hands shut so hard that a bit of dust flew out of the pages. She was going to have to talk to Anthony about the fact that their maids had been skipping out on the library and leaving things to get in a state of disarray. Unlike normal, her reading was the last thing on her mind when she knew that she had an evening full of delightful company ahead of her. 

She quickly pushed herself up from the wall and then hurried down the stairs so that she could be in the receiving room when the doors were opened by a member of their staff. Her mother was there as well, so she felt a warm arm wrap around her waist and bring her away from the stairs. She was used to being manhandled in that way since she was usually in the wrong place at the wrong time and hindered people from doing what they needed to.

“Welcome, Lady Featherington,” Violet smiled warmly as they welcomed the guests into their home. Colin had invited them to dine alongside the Bridgertons on the second night of the married Bridgertons arrival from the country. Eloise was relieved that she wasn’t going to have to listen to Anthony and Daphne drone on about how much they loved being married and pry into her single status yet again. Having guests meant that there was going to be other forms of communication, something that was desperately needed.

“It’s always a pleasure, Lady Bridgerton,” the guest replied with a delicate bow of her head. She was overdressed as she always was when she came to visit them, trying to show off her meager amount of wealth next to the stability that the Bridgertons had. Prudence was looking down her nose at the gathered siblings, but was for once holding her tongue. Penelope, on the other hand, looked absolutely miserable.

“Please, accompany us into the parlor for a time. Dinner will be ready shortly, I assure you,” Violet said as she swept her hand towards the room she had mentioned. They all finished entering into the home and then followed after their host, the same polite laughter following them the entire way.

As soon as her mother had moved away from her so that she could guide their guests through their home, Eloise fell to the back of the group. She grinned so hard that her cheeks hurt before she controlled the look like she had been taught to. She may have gotten out of the last season without being shackled to one of the foolish, vain men that her mother had pushed at her but she was expected to participate again. That meant that she was expected to mind her manners when they had company, even if that company was only her closest friend in the entire world and the rest of the Featheringtons. She wasn’t looking to get lectured today, so her smile had to fade a small bit.

“Eloise!” Penelope grinned as she turned to the side so that she could wrap her friend up in a hug. It was such a relief that they were able to have that kind of relationship after everything that had happened. It was the only time that she had ever been grateful for her mother’s inability to stay in her own business. Violet had pried into what had happened between the two of them and then gotten both girls sat down so that they could talk through their problems. Together, they had been able to use Lady Whistledown as a way to improve the standing of women and save people that were going to get hurt instead of utilizing it to break down people for their own gain.

“It’s wonderful to see you again, I feel like it’s been so long since we were last able to be together,” Eloise said. In truth, they had snuck out last night and eaten the last of the cookies that had been prepared for her mother’s most recent ball while in their garden the night before. It was a lot funnier to the both of them to pretend that they hadn’t when they were in front of the rest of their family instead of just ignoring it entirely.

“Oh, I know. We must find some way that we can cope,” Penelope said. She held the back of her lemon-gloved hand to her forehead and pretending to faint to accentuate the ridiculousness of her point.

Eloise scrunched her nose as she giggled. Her stomach fluttered madly in her gut, but she passed it off as nothing but hunger while they made their way over to the bench near the fire. They sat together and looked on at their siblings and mothers interacting. Violet was sitting with such rigidity that she could have been mistaken for a statue while Lady Featherington was gabbing on about something that she really knew nothing about.

A couple of moments passed in hushed discussion before Benedict entered the parlor, bowing his head politely to the ladies. He walked over to his sister with a brow raised, “I should have known that you’d escape your room as soon as possible so that you could spend all your time with Pen.”

“Wouldn’t you, if she was your best friend, brother?” Eloise immediately snapped back. She couldn’t fathom a world in which she was not always plotting a way to go and spend time with her friend. She supposed that during the period of time where they were not speaking she could, but now that they were back together it continued to be off her radar entirely.

“I don’t think that I would ever have a friend like Penelope,” Benedict said without thinking. Eloise could tell that he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth based on the way that the tips of his ears pinked in embarrassment. “Not that you’re not a good person or good company, Miss Penelope. I just don’t think that someone not interested in art and also so very much like my sister here could be someone I would get along with.”

“I understand,” Penelope laughed.

Eloise felt as though her breath had been stolen from her. Penelope’s laugh was something giddy and exciting, like the first burst of warm air after bundling up in the cold mud room to break out onto the snow-covered lawn back at Aubry Hall. It was like taking a bite out of a peach without removing the skin, better the deeper that one sunk their teeth into it. It was a noise that should always be filling the room that the person that carried it was occupying, that should follow her and her companions around like a particularly loyal bird.

Eloise felt her face flush as she clocked what she had been thinking, without even realizing it. She had been catching herself doing that more and more often, which was embarrassing only because she had always been in control of her thoughts and what they were doing. She shook her head a little bit so that she could rid herself of the embarrassment that was creeping up her neck. Not being in control of herself and her wicked mind was somehow worse than what she had said to the Queen after she debuted into society, during her first real ball.

“Now, what are the two of you getting up to given that our mothers are otherwise occupied?” Benedict then asked. She noticed then that he was giving her a rather peculiar look, as if he was asking her a question she didn’t know the words to. Briefly, Eloise wondered if she had managed to miss something during the brief moment that she had fallen back into her own mind. 

The conversation continued easily, however, with her thoughts back under her control and her mouth responding apart from them. “We’re just talking, as women tend to do during tea. Why would you even ask that?”

“You are nothing like a common woman, Eloise,” Benedict laughed. “You are just as likely to get into trouble as you are to discuss poetry.”

“I have discussed poetry!” she gasped, feigning offense. She knew that Benedict was close enough to her that he would be able to tell that it was a farce before he actually began to worry that he had offended her. She was glad that she was that close to her siblings, so she didn’t have to blush and squirm as awkwardly as Edwina had when she arrived to visit them with her new husband earlier that week.

Eloise was beginning to tire of new people in her home. She was going to have to deal with it for a while longer, though, because they hadn’t even had the grand dinner that they were hosting with the Featheringtons. She hoped that once Kate and Anthony went back to Aubrey Hall, and Daphne and Simon took their brood back to their home, things would calm down. She had only just gotten back to London and she very badly wanted to spend some time alone with her best friend, more than she already had.

“To answer your question, brother, we haven’t had the chance to get up to anything yet,” she finally answered.

“Though I’m sure that we’ll be able to find something by the end of the night,” Penelope added as she knocked their shoulders together cordially.

Just that brief flash of skin-on-skin was enough to set a fire ablaze underneath Eloise’s skin. For the longest time, and still sometimes when her mind got hard and her thoughts ran from her, she was sure that feeling was due to the feeling of the lace. She had always hated the way that lace felt up against her bare skin which was why she demanded that her mother get her the simpler dresses made of silk instead. When her mind was kind to her, she knew that any bare touch of her best friend was going to do that to her. She had never felt that way about any of the other girls, her sisters or otherwise, brushing up against her in similar gowns.

Unlike last time, she was able to get her mind back to where it belonged and answer before the seconds had stretched too long. “Now you can be on your way. Tell mother what you did with your snooping,” Eloise said. She batted him off with a couple flicks of her wrist and the back of her hand, as she had seen several other women do with their husbands. Benedict was amused by the action, thankfully, and rolled his eyes as he made his way over to their mother.

Eloise had half a mind to feel sorry for him because he was now trapped in conversation with Lady Featherington, which was one of the worst things that a person could be condemned to. She couldn’t bring herself to actually care that much, though, not when his dismissal from the conversation meant that she actually had Penelope to herself again. “Sorry about him, he’s been very peculiar since he started attending his parties again,” she eyed her brother warily.

“Oh, do tell,” Penelope giggled. Despite the fact that they had turned the Lady Whistledown persona and papers into something that could better the political surroundings, Penelope had never really lost her love for all things gossip. She collected secrets like they were the rarest of flowers and then kept them pressed in a leather bound tomb that was currently clutched in her lap.

Eloise scoffed and performed a very dramatic flip of her hair, “Not a chance, Featherington.”

Upon hearing her best friend’s refusal of her request, Penelope gave a pout that almost made Eloise snap entirely. She bit the insides of her cheek so that she could keep her brother’s secret instead of letting it spill from her silly mouth. What she and Benedict shared when they were smoking on the outside swings in the dark was something that was meant to be shared between only them. The last thing she wanted was for him to face more speculation because of something he enjoyed so dearly.

“Come on, Eloise! Just this once!” she nearly begged. It was hard to resist her when her shimmering eyes were boring directly into the other girl’s soul, but she knew that she had to do it for the sake of her family.

“Why don’t we talk about something else?” she changed the subject abruptly. One of the hardest things that she had ever done was ripping her eyes away from her best friend so that she could gaze towards the fire that was roaring happily away on the other side of the parlor.

Penelope let out a rather put-upon huff and then said, “Alright, like what? You know that we can’t discuss our business together when we are in the presence of others.”

“We could always leave the presence of others,” she replied. It made her heart beat faster in her chest, the rhythm moving up into her throat so that she had to choke it down. Despite the fact that she had been alone with Penelope many, many times before, the idea of it still managed to make her entire body feel like she was free-falling.

“Eloise, we only just got here and we got to spend yesterday together. Surely we should spend this time with our families instead,” Penelope argued. They got like this sometimes, in different directions instead of in step as they had been when they were far younger.

She had just opened her mouth to argue about why the day before was not enough time to discuss when they were going to put in the next issue of Whistledown when the doors to the parlor opened and the rest of the family came rushing in. Apparently Anthony and Simon had been together in the office, so they were found by their wives and then dragged to meet with the rest of the family. Gregory and Hyacinth were never far behind the only father figure that they had ever known now that he wasn’t spending as much time with them in the London estate.

The next several minutes were a whirlwind as they all spoke to each other in their greetings. Eloise was happy to see her sister again, but she was significantly less happy when August was placed into her arms. She knew that her sister was overjoyed to be a mother, but Eloise hadn’t really interacted with young children until her nephew was born. She didn’t know what she was meant to do when she had a squirming toddler in her grasp and August didn’t know what he was meant to do when he was being held by someone that obviously did not know him.

After they had all greeted each other, Violet and Lady Featherington ushered their young daughters to sit on the couches closest to the fireplace where they proceeded to ask about each other’s children. Just as it was every other time, it was one of the more awkward things that Eloise had to suffer through in her life as a lady. She didn’t know how so many generations had managed to survive when the older women of the ton hated each other so deeply and refused to just be brash about it.

They were saved when one of the footmen came to get them for dinner. They all gathered their things and then made their way to the dining room as a group. It was something that Eloise was familiar with because she had spent her entire life as part of a hoard, but she knew that Penelope often found it overwhelming. To try and help her friend with the chaos that was her now extended family, she looped her arm around Penelope’s and pressed their sides close together. She could hear the brush of their silks as they touched with each step, feel the warmth of the other girl’s hip against her own, and sense the rush of jubilation that it brought them both to be that close.

When they sat, Anthony took the head of the table and Violet sat at the other end. Kate sat to Anthony’s right and Simon to his left. Daphne sat beside her husband with her son on his lap, though he was already pouting about being constrained to a single space instead of crawling on the floor. Lady Featherington sat on the other side of Kate, much to the dismay of the new Lady Bridgerton. Penelope and Prudence were sat on the other side of their mother, so Eloise made sure to sit next to Penelope even if it meant that she had to be closer to Gregory. The two youngest of their brood always sat on either side of their mother so that she could correct their manners and cherish the last few years that she had with them when they were young. Colin, Francesca, and Benedict were the last to come and took up the remaining seats on the table.

Eloise loaded her plate with as much food as she thought that she could get away with in front of her mother when she was meant to be polite. She also snuck away an extra of the rolls because she knew how much Penelope loved the way that their cook made them, buttery and soft while dusted with a tiny bit of sugar to keep them wonderfully sweet.

The conversation picked up not long after they had begun eating. Eloise had to put up with another recounting of what had happened to Colin when he was traveling through Greece and the rest of the Mediterranean again that year, which she had already heard almost a dozen times. She supposed that she should be happy for her brother given that he had found something that he loved and had the freedom to do it, but she couldn’t help the burning pit of jealousy in her gut. The fact that Colin could do that when she couldn’t was why she had been so adamant that she and Penelope veer away from a gossip magazine into a political movement.

She had always struggled with her emotions and getting them to fit where she knew that they should have gone. She was nothing like her of-age sisters, which she had long since forced herself to make peace with. Daphne was able to filter her emotions down into the perfect little rows that were required of their society so that she could be the perfect everything. Francesca was shy enough that Eloise wasn’t sure she even had to filter her emotions, she spent a good deal of her time composing music and reading with her governess. Eloise, on the other hand, had always been argumentative and strong-willed. She felt jealousy and envy and love for the wrong people.

“Eloise?” Violet asked as she turned her head towards her daughter.

“Hmm?” she asked, realizing that she should have been paying attention to the conversation instead of milling about in her own head. She supposed that she would get in less trouble for it this time, though, since she had not brought a book with her to read in her lap.

“Did you not hear what Lady Featherington asked you?” her mother queried.

“I did not, would you mind repeating it?” Eloise asked. She had to resist the urge to cringe when she realized that she should have had to make up some sort of excuse about why she hadn’t been listening. She hated the fact that her mind was plagued with those thoughts more than she hated her inability to have them before she acted.

“Are you currently receiving any suitors? I would love to see the way that your wedding differs from the ones that your siblings had,” Lady Featherington said.

Eloise could see the way that the contempt was leaching from her as it always did. How a woman that was so cruel and vindictive was still on such familiar terms with other members of society was beyond the girl. She forced a smile onto her face and gave her head a brief shake, “It’s the very beginning of the season, which is why we are having this dinner. I have yet to remake the acquaintance of the men of the ton.”

She didn’t really want to get married, not to someone that was going to force her to be like her sister. She carried the Bridgerton name, unfortunately, and that was going to condemn her to a life of being compared to people that she was not. She had to sift through quite a slogging list to try and find someone that would be willing to appreciate her for herself. She wished that she could just marry Penelope, who was the only person that had ever understood her and accepted her faults and all.

The thought by itself made her cheeks pink and her throat constrict around the mouthful of food that she had swallowed to avoid speaking more. She had to focus on delicately clearing her throat so that she didn’t spasm into a coughing fit. She was more than a little grateful when the conversation tilted towards Anthony and Simon, discussing whatever it was that men of rank discussed.

The rest of dinner went much smoother. Eloise made sure that she was engaging in conversation with more people than just her youngest siblings and her best friend. She talked about the things that a woman of her standing and age was expected to speak about, even if she found them all dreadfully boring. Her mother rewarded her by asking what she was reading about most recently and letting her talk about it for almost ten minutes.

As the evening wore on, the servants came and cleared away their plates. They  were to move to the sitting room again so that they could continue talking with each other with after dinner tea. Eloise had just stood and made to grab Penelope’s arm when Colin stood and used a leftover fork to bang on the rim of his wine glass. The entire room quieted of noise and every pair of eyes was immediately boring onto the man in question.

“I know that some of you may be confused as to why I have invited the Featheringtons here tonight, to a dinner that was meant to be one for family,” Colin said. His voice was clear and steady as he spoke over the table, his eyes darting over each of the present members. “Other than them being some good company, I would also like to rectify the fact that they are not family.”

As he spoke, he moved around the gathered family and table so that he was standing near Eloise. She could see the sheen of sweat that was beading on his brow from the stress he was under. Her stomach began to sink lower and lower as she realized what was happening. Her voice caught in her throat as she struggled to get enough air, her head already spinning with a maddening dizziness.

Colin got down on one knee after he had set the wine glass down on the table. He then reached for Penelope’s hand and said, “Penelope Featherington, you are one of the most wonderful women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Would you do me the honor of being my wife?”

Just that alone was enough to make Eloise feel like her dinner was going to come back up. Her hands began to shake as she threaded her own fingers together and then pressed them firmly down into her lap. She wasn’t going to let anyone else see how upset she was, not when she was meant to be the one that was petulantly and stubbornly herself regardless of what other people did. This felt as out of character for her as attending a ball or being presented to the Queen did.

“Yes, yes of course I will!” Penelope cheered. Her beautiful face, freckled from the sunlight that her mother had warned her away from and rosy from the wine they had partaken in that night, burst into a wide smile. She was so beautiful in that moment, as she always was, and it made Eloise feel like her heart was bleeding in her chest.

She watched, as still and frozen as the stone statues in the garden, as Colin stood and then slipped the ring onto Penelope’s finger. It glistened in the lamplight that kept the dining room visible in the impending evening. She was laughing as she held hands with Eloise’s brother, her eyes shining with the king of mirth that until that point, Eloise had assumed was reserved only for her.

Lady Featherington rounded the table and made a big show of hugging her daughter and congratulating her. No one was quite sure who the show was for, it wasn’t a well kept secret that the eldest of the Featherington women hated her youngest daughter. As soon as they had separated, she began to discuss things that they would have for the wedding. Violet gave her second youngest son a warm smile and a squeeze of the hand before she took the other matron out of the room so that the younger nobles could have some room to breathe.

Following after her mother, Daphne took the youngest children from the room so that they could be dropped off with the nanny for their nap. Simon, Benedict, and Anthony immediately went to congratulate their brother and discuss what he was planning to do for his honeymoon. Eloise could barely listen to it even though they were having their conversation right next to her. Penelope turned to Eloise as her sister walked over, obviously wanting to avoid the conversation.

“Isn’t this great, El? You and I are going to be sisters!” she crowed. 

“Yes, isn’t that wonderful?” she asked.

She didn’t quite know why she was acting like this, it didn’t quite make sense. She should have been overjoyed that she and Penelope were going to be able to possibly live together or spend as much time as they wanted with each other. Penelope was going to be married to one of her brothers, they were going to see each other far more often than they currently did. At the same time, though, it felt like Colin was again doing something that Eloise was unable to do.

The group began to move towards the doors that led to the parlor where they would finish up their discussions and say goodbye for the night. It would likely take another hour or two now that they had things to discuss concerning the wedding. Eloise definitely didn’t have the energy for that, so she knew that she had to find a way out.

She and Penelope naturally fell towards the back of the group as they walked, something that they had always done. Once they were out in the hallway, she placed her hand on top of her friend’s and then gestured the opposite way to the sitting room. “I have to get something from my room, I’ll join you in just a moment, alright?”

“I could come with you,” Penelope said as she took a step in the same direction. Her beautiful blue eyes flickered over to where Prudence was gabbing to Daphne, who had returned sans her son and younger siblings. Francesca was valiantly trying to help her sister be free of the uncomfortable conversation but it wasn’t going well.

“No, you should go and celebrate with the rest of the family! I think that Colin would like to be saved from my brothers and your mama,” she said quickly. It made her feel awful to know how quickly she was able to come up with that lie, but she supposed that was one of the only good things that had come from her education as an upper class woman.

Penelope didn’t look too sure about it but fixed that smile back on her face. Eloise was immediately able to notice the fact that it didn’t quite reach her eyes, which were instead plagued with the worry that should have never been there. She made a shooing motion with her hand to try and persuade her friend that she would be back quickly. When Penelope had finally turned around properly, she gathered up her skirts and hurried down the hall as quickly as she could without running.

Most of the servants were still in the kitchen and up in their quarters since the evening was getting very late. Even the nanny was going to be with the younger siblings in the upper rooms, which meant that Eloise was alone once she rounded the corner. She used it to her advantage and broke out into as quick a run as she could manage with the constricting material of her dress wrapped around her legs.

Her lungs had already been gasping for breath, but now that she was exerting herself it only got worse. She could feel the long curls of her brown hair falling free from the updo that her lady’s maid had done before the dinner, bouncing around her reddening cheeks. Her gown was tugging painfully at her back where it had been laced to almost hug the corset underneath.

She could barely think of any of those things, her body was only a vessel that was taking her from where she was to the next place that would hopefully give her a bit of respite. 

Eloise burst through the doors that led from their home out to the back gardens of the estate and then rushed forward. She could feel the long blades of grass brushing against her ankles through the thin material of her socks, wiping the remnants of that afternoon’s shower across the fabric. Her cheeks and lungs burned with the sudden change in temperature when she was surrounded by the cold of the night instead of the warmth of her home.

She didn’t stop until she had reached the swingset that she had spent so many nights on before. She could remember each of them in stark detail, especially the ones where Penelope had joined. As she collapsed down onto the one furthest from the tree, she could feel the other girl’s hands brushing up against her arm and their laughter rippling through the air. She could also feel the aching pain that had been caused to her when she realized what Penelope had done, each time that Whistledown and her gossip had nearly torn apart a member of her family.

She would have waded through all of it again if it meant that she could have avoided the pain that she was dealing with now. It was unlike anything that she had ever felt before, and she was sure that she would never allow herself to feel it again. Her heart throbbed in her chest and her muscles ached like she had the flu.

Eloise tilted her head up so that she could see the glistening silver stars through the rustling leaves of the tree. Her eyes burned slightly before she felt the lump in her throat force itself through her mouth.

The first sob broke through the air like a foot through a thin puddle of ice. It split the silence of the nearby gardens and the bugs nestled in the surrounded shrubs. Her shoulders quivered, her mouth tilted down into a distinctive frown. She could feel the burning in her eyes increase to the point where they watered, and then the tears slipped down her face.

She didn’t bother to try to stifle the sound of her cries or wipe away the water before it collected on her neck. No one was outside, not when Penelope and Colin were newly engaged and could be doted on by their mothers and teased by their siblings. She was glad for it because it finally gave her the freedom that she so desperately needed to simply feel the feelings that were plaguing her.

A scream of frustration and a thousand arguments about why she should be left alone erupted into her throat when she heard the creaking of the swing next to her. Someone had found her and decided that it would be a good idea to join her despite her obvious desire to be alone. When she turned to the side, she was met with a handkerchief in Benedict’s hand. Despite the fact that he was the one to join her on the swings most often, she had still been expecting it to be her mother or Daphne. They had been bothering her about her emotions most often, since she had debuted into society.

“What do you want?” she asked, though she took the offered item. She had never been pretty when she cried. Her cheeks and neck turned mottled read with the effort to bring in air, her eyes immediately turned crimson like she was bleeding, and her nose ran like she had stuck her head in a bowl full of dust.

“I was just coming to check on you,” Benedict replied. 

She glared at him, but she didn’t have the energy to put any real venom into it. She moped her face first and then blew her nose into a corner of the handkerchief. The sobs were still echoing through her body and she could already feel new tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. She was going to be crying for a while longer, she could already feel it. “How did you know that I was out here?”

“Outside of the fact that this is always the place that you go when you’re upset?” he chuckled, tossing her a playful look. When she didn’t reciprocate it as she usually would have, he reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I knew that Colin had something like this planned tonight, and I was watching you to make sure that you’d be okay.”

“Was I the only one that couldn’t see this coming?” she asked, with a big of a scoff. She knew Penelope better than anyone else, including her own family. Eloise, of all people, should have been able to tell what was happening in her best friend’s life when it pertained to her own brother.

“I think that you’ve always had your eyes closed when it comes to Pen,” he said. His voice was soft and compassionate, something that he usually reserved for her or the other younger siblings. Francesca had always been too attached to Daphne and their mother to receive it, so it had all gone to Eloise.

She went quiet for a bit as she tried to muddle through her feelings. She knew what heartbreak felt like, she had experienced it when Theo had told her that it was best for them to continue living in their separate worlds. She knew what grief felt like, she had waded through it when she was a young child after the loss of her father. She didn’t know what it was like when they combined, but if she had tried to write it for one of her stories she would have described exactly what was happening to her now.

“I loved her, brother,” Eloise whispered. It was the kind of admission that might get her sent to a mental hospital or whisked away to the nearest minister so that he could try and exorcise whatever was inside of her. 

She was speaking to Benedict, though. He was the most peculiar and strange of the siblings outside of her, so he was also the most likely to know what it was she was suffering from. He didn’t react like she had half been expecting him to and instead reached for her hand again. “I know, El. I could tell the entire time that you were out in society.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you just keep letting me feel that way? If I had known then I wouldn’t have let myself get so lost and I wouldn’t hurt as badly as I do now,” she sobbed.

“That’s not true. And this isn’t exactly the kind of thing that you get to just pronounce to someone. If I had been wrong, I could have ruined our entire relationship. I’m not Anthony, I think before I do things,” Benedict explained.

Eloise went quiet for a long moment as she thought about what he had said. “How do you know it’s not true?”

“I know what it’s like to distance yourself from someone that you love with your whole entire heart,” he replied. He turned his head away from her so that he was gazing out towards the garden and went very still. It was almost as if he was afraid to breathe, like if he took in more air then it would make time pass and put him at a greater distance to his love. Eloise could relate.

“Did you love her? Was she one of the models from when you were going to school for art?” she asked. She had briefly overheard Benedict and Anthony arguing about someone that her older brother was having a daliance with, but she had tuned out when they had turned the conversation onto Kate. Something about Benedict’s love life had always intrigued her, but Anthony was a bore no matter what he was doing.

“I loved him very dearly,” Benedict replied morosely. His eyes were focused on the hill in front of them as he said it, but she saw the way that he softened.

She reached over and took his hand. Their love was different, as were their lives, but there were so many things that connected them together. She was glad that in the heap of siblings that she was given, there was at least one that was somewhat like her. She needed the person that could relate to the more intimate parts of her life, one that she could expose her heart to. Benedict had always been there for her, always the perfect older brother. She could never have asked for more.

[lu-vin-it]

III. Fighting For Love

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

The Lady’s Hand M.List

Summary: Hundreds of years ago, a plague broke out, killing most, and turning other's into violent creatures. Many thought all was lost, that was until three unlikely leaders came together and formed three kingdoms: Demesne, Theign, and Azure. Those kingdoms still stood to this day, and now, the most recent heiress of Azure is of age and is intended to marry (much to her dismay).

Pairings: Ellie Williams X Reader

Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.1K

Warnings: Drinking, arranger marriage, hints to homophobia

AIN: Thank you to @stqrluvr for proofreading! Ily. Also! This is mostly a filler chapter!

The next morning you wake up late. You were still giddy from the night before, when you spent an hour talking to Ellie. You went to another silent breakfast with your Mother before heading to the courtyard for the next round. You were even more nervous for this round as Ellie would be against James of Theign today. 

The first round came and went quicker than you could have noticed, with Sebastian rising victorious. You didn’t know anything about fencing, so it did you no good to actually pay attention to it. Besides, you could care less for Benedict or Sebastian so it didn’t matter who won. 

But then Ellie and James came up and all of a sudden your heart was racing and you were sweating. You watched closely as they fought, and by the end, you were more than relieved to find that Ellie rose victorious. You grinned wider than you think you ever had. 

That night, you once again gathered in the great hall for dinner with guests. This time, your Mom had Ellie and Sebastian sitting next to you, on either side. You were excited about sitting with Ellie, but Sebastian? Not so much. You also came to realize that Ellie couldn’t speak in public since her voice would give her away, which sucked. You opted for just sitting in silence for another meal.

After dinner, you made a beeline for the gardens, waiting patiently for Ellie to show. You had started to look forward to your little meetings more than anything. She was looking forward to them too, how could she not? Just seeing your smile made her happy. 

“Ellie!” You said when the brunette girl walked up. 

“Hey.” 

“You were amazing out there.” You hug her tightly. She nervously wrapped her arms around you as well. You awkwardly hugged for a moment longer before you pulled away. “Are you going to be able to beat Sebastian at archery?” 

“I think so. Have some more faith in me! Have I let you down yet?” A smile creeps up on your lips. 

“No.” 

“Exactly. Y/N, I swear to you, in two days time, we will be married.” Your heart soars. 

“Are you ready for that?” 

“Are you?” You sigh and walk towards the bench beside you. You take a seat and Ellie does too. 

“I dunno. I don’t know you that well, but you seem like a good enough person.” She smiles. 

“Then I guess I’m doing a pretty good job.” She pauses. “How do you think everyone will react?” 

“Erm… I think.. I think that my Mom will be the worst. I think the people will be fairly accepting though.” She nods. “On another note.. how come you didn’t tell me how you were almost put to death?” You ask her, crossing your arms. Ellie groans. 

“How did you find out about that?” You shrug. 

“I’m the princess, I know everything.” 

“It was 6 years ago, I was six and ten.. My Dad easily got me out of the charges. Some guy was pestering a girl and I punched him, we started fighting and, you know, when I won, it turned out that guy was a Viscount and I was fucked. Joel saved the day though."

"I'm glad he did. Why do you call your Dad Joel?" She shrugs.

"I mean.. I was eight-ish when he adopted me. I didn't call him Dad then, and I'm not gonna call him Dad now. He is my Dad but.. I don't know, Joel fits him better." She paused. "I.. I'm sorry that you lost yours."

"Yeah... me too. He would have liked you." You glance at Ellie, who's already looking at you. “I should go.. it’s late and I still need to bathe.”

“Yeah.. I should head up too.” 

“Get some rest. I’ll see you directly after the competition tomorrow.” She nods. 

You didn’t sleep much that night despite your lavender bath. You were too nervous for the events coming, and rightfully so. Your entire life would be dictated by the person more proficient in archery. Whoever got the closest shot to a bullseye, would be your spouse from wedding to death. Whoever won, you were sure that you would never do this to your child. 

The morning was agonizing, maybe even more so than the night was. You felt like time was moving as slow as it possibly could. That a minute was ten, and that ten minutes was an hour. You were so, so, scared for the result of today’s match. 

“Good morning.” Your Mom said when you sat at the breakfast table. 

“Good morning.” You started to eat, trying to just ignore your Mother. 

“How are you feeling?” You fake a smile at her. 

“Just peachy.” She crosses her arms as her face morphs into one of anger. 

“I will not deal with your ungrateful attitude this early in the morning. Have some class, some shame. I may be your Mother but I am also your queen.” You laugh dryly.

“You’re my queen until tomorrow evening, Mother. But do not fret, after tomorrow evening, you will never have to deal with me or my ‘ungrateful attitude’ as you so kindly put it.” She furrows her brows.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“I think you know what that means.” You had no real intent to banish her or anything of that nature, but you maybe she’d back off of you if she thought you would. 

“Eat your food and then freshen up. You have a dress fitting right after the final.” 

“Alright.” With that, she gets up and leaves, giving you time to finally eat your breakfast.

You got to the tournament grounds before most citizens did. You couldn’t sit around the castle waiting anymore. You had to get out. So you just sat in your throne, waiting for the final round to start.

When you heard the familiar sound of the trumpet roaring, you clammed up. Ellie and Sebastian walked out of tents which were beside each other and stood facing targets which were on the other side of the field. They got into position with their bow and arrows, pulling back the string and aiming. 

“Begin!” They both fire, both landing a bullseye. You chew on your lip as you watch them reload, and both shoot more bullseye. They reload once more, and this time, Sebastian’s arrow barely lands on the red ring, while Ellie’s aim is spot on once again. You feel such a wave of relief when you watch the announcer hold up Ellie’s bow. 

You were ushered down to the field as soon as Ellie’s bow was taken from her. You and your Mom shake hands with Ellie, you make sure to squeeze it once to show that you were excited. She does the same back. Your Mom gives a speech, and then you all return back to the castle.

After your wedding dress fitting, you went to the garden. You weren’t sure if Ellie would be there, but you were happy to find that she was.

“Ellie.” You say, relief dripping from your words. She smiles upon seeing you and immediately rushes to hug you. “You did it.” Tears of happiness well in your eyes. “We’re gonna get married tomorrow, Els.” 

“Yeah we are.” 

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

Taglist

@1ovewitch @mrsromanoff @erikaar @endureher @mufflaa @l0v3e1i @thatonementallyillsimp @koremis @sawaagyapong @hi2647 @stunkbiggu @nicolicht @444na0m1

[anthonyhaversismyboo]

A deeper story into the forbidden Love of Captain and Havers.

A young Havers is recruited into the army, stationed at Button house. As it was not yet called.

Hitting it off with a young man by the name of James.

James struggles to come to terms with his feelings for Havers, and struggles to deal with the relentless teasing from his fellow soldiers.

PLEASE NOTE;

This book contains homophobia relating to the 1940s, if this makes you uncomfortable please do not read it. I want to dive into what members of the LGBTQ community has to deal with. And why Captain is the person that he is today 💕

This book will also contain spoilers for season 5 of BBC ghosts.

MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

—————

⚠️WARINGS: This book will contain homophonic views in the setting of the 1940s please do not continue if this will upset you!⚠️

——————

"Are you alright? I say- can you hear me?"

A sloppy blink came from the young man's eyes as he regained consciousness. The black grogginess that bordered him slowly dispersed as he focused on a tall, skinny young man above him, looking down with great concern.

"Can you hear me," he asked again, holding his hand out. His hand was worn, certainly a hard worker, his long fingers stretched out in waiting, the bones and veins shone through his pale skin.

James took the hand that awaited him, his soft skin colliding with the man's calloused one.

He pulled him up with a small groan, eyeing him properly as he stood.

James was quick to dust off his backside, rubbing his head as he blushed. Not only was the man in front of him polite, he was quite dashing.

Tall, with deep brown eyes, like windows to his soul. His eyes matched the chocolate brown if his hair, only just starting to recede in his age.

James cleared his throat, "right, ah- thank you.. Mr ah"

"Oh please, call me Anthony, Anthony havers," he introduced, his dimples showing in the bright smile of the chap.

"I must ask however. What on earth were you doing on the ground?"

"Oh.. I ah- well I can't seem to remember," he chuckled gently, rubbing the stinging feeling on the back of his head. His hair had only slightly begun to grey, it left him feeling.. slightly self conscious of his younger counterparts, such as Anthony here.

"Good lord your bleeding," Havers rushed, moving his legs to suddenly stand behind the man, eyeing the back of his head cautiously, "did someone do this to you?" He questioned. Moving his new friends hand from the wound, "we should report it," he mumbled, gently taking his own fingers and parting his hair.

James felt a strange sensation. One he may have felt before.

Like when he was just a teenager. Watching the boys play football across the street while he helped his father mow the lawn. He remembered seeing there strong legs kick it fields away, how he felt flustered. How he shouldn't have.

Men didn't love men.

Or when he was in his twenties, he'd become obsessed with a voice anchor on the radio, this man haunted his dreams. With his silky voice, his way with words. James would find himself falling asleep to him.

Men didn't love men.

Or a few years before he was recruited into the army, he'd accidentally touched a man's hand when buying popcorn for the pictures. His skin tingled and he'd never felt so bothered.

But.. men didn't love men.

Or so that's what his father had said,

"You listen to me boy, you'll find yourself a young lady and you'll marry you here, ain't none of this men talk. Men don't love men, it's unnatural, it's wrong," he'd spit, his mother didn't help, she's always been on his fathers side. An innocent boy asking about love, but hearing only hate in return.

"You'll have plenty of children, and they will grow and give you grandchildren," his mother would push.

"Oh that Wendy Parker is a sweetheart,"

"Clair Maree stopped by with her daughter, around your age to,"

But they just didn't get it. But neither did he.

Why couldn't men love men?

"I said we should report this,"

James blinked, suddenly pulling away from the touch, "no! No- really it's nothing, I'm sure I'll be right as rain with a little ice,"

Havers stepped away also, both staring at each other in silence for a moment.

"Francis.. agh, James Francis," he introduced, holding out his hand nervously.

Havers looked down at it before smirking slightly, "there's blood all over it,"

James looked down, quickly pulling his hand away and offering the clean, and slightly sweaty one to him to shake.

Havers smirked again, bringing his hand out to shake it. A firm hold was met and a friendship was formed.

"Well... it's nice to meet you James, if you don't mind, I best be off before I'm late," he gestured to the building, "it's my first day,"

"Your a recruit?" He questioned, Havers nodded, gesturing to the duffel bag, "yes indeed, and you?"

James cleared his throat, "actually I'm second lieutenant," he said, his features turning into one of embarrassment.

Havers was quick to straighten his posture, saluting the man in front of him, "sir, I apologise sir," he said quickly.

James shrugged him off, "please, there's no need," he offered gently, "your the one who saved me," he smiled, "I shall certainly put in a good word.. Anthony", he smiled.

[boldlyvoid]

Princess Hellfire | Part 2

Part Two | Masterlist

Summary: Senior Year is a weird one...

Warnings: set season 1, canon-typical violence, eddies dad worked at Hawkins lab in 79, parental death, mourning, crying, coming out, making out, love confessions, bullying, fighting, homophobia, internalized homophobia, angst, underage drug use (weed) (let me know if i missed anything)

Word Count: 7k

“Can I have five bucks?” Eddie asks Wayne, first thing on his first day of senior year. 

He nods, handing him a fiver and returning to his newspaper and coffee, “whatcha need it for?” 

“Schools doing hotdogs and drinks for the first day,” he waves it off, placing two waffles in the toaster and waiting impatiently beside it. 

“I think I’m going to ask Y/N to be my girlfriend, today,” he announces, nervous, but needing an outlet to get his confidence back. 

“Really?” Wayne’s so excited for him, “it’s about time. You’ve been seeing her, for what? 4 months?” 

“We’ve been a bit more than friends since May…” 

So much has happened since then. The whole summer happened and they were both so incredibly busy. They barely saw each other during the day, which meant that after work they got to hang out together… and they did everything they could when they were free. 

Y/N worked at Benny’s Burgers, she was the best waitress the town has had in years. They could never ever keep a girl there, people always said it was cause benny was too pushy, he was a hard person to work for, but Y/N found it quite the opposite. She said working for him was easy if you listened to the rules on the first day. She memorized the table numbers, she knew the menu like the back of her hand, she cleaned everything to a level greater than what was expected, and benny loved having her there. 

Eddie on the other hand, he worked at the auto shop downtown, he used all the things he learned when his parents were stealing cars and applied it to fixing trucks for the redneck assholes he went to school with… for guys who think they’re tough, they always pay with daddy’s credit cards… They were also so rude to him when he did it, he was a grease monkey to them, he was the scum of the earth and people hated when he was the only one available to change their oil or put air in their tires. 

On nights when he went to her work to have dinner on Wednesday nights and take her home after her shift, he watched the town gawk over her. All the old ladies told her she was beautiful, the old men tipped her and all the kids having dinner with their families were enamoured by her. 

She was so attentive, she was kind and outgoing and wonderful. 

Sometimes it really made him wonder what she saw in him… more importantly, he wondered if she saw anything good in him at all because he wasn’t the greatest influence on her as of late. 

This summer they went bridge jumping together in an illegal spot by the quarry. They smoked weed together for the first time out by lovers lake. She snuck out a few times to go to parties with him at Reefer Ricks, only to take care of him when he got drunk, she got him home to Wayne and then walked to her own in the middle of the night… all alone… not his proudest moment.

The proudest would probably be when he brought her to a Corroded Coffin rehearsal and made Gareth teach her how to play the drums. Gareth wasn’t too happy about it after the fact, because even on her first try she was better than him. She loved it, she went so far as to even audition for the school band so that she could spend more time with Eddie after class when the semester started again.

This year he was starting the first semester with home economics, wood shop, English and Art. It wasn’t too hard to pass, but the added help from Y/N was definitely going to make it easier. 

“How are you gonna ask her?” Wayne pried. 

“They’re selling drinks, right, so I’m going to get her an orange crush and say like it’s been obvious I have a crush on you, would you like to be my girlfriend instead… or whatever, I don’t know yet,” He gets all embarrassed, turning pink and keeping his head down. 

“I’m sure she’ll say yes, I have a feeling she’s very smitten for you, Eds,” he takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, taps it on the table and flips the carton open. “Want one?” 

“Seriously?” He panics a bit, he knew that Wayne knew he smoked, he just never thought he’d be so open about it. 

He nods “thanks.” 

“No problem,” Wayne hands him one before placing another between his own lips. Eddie uses a lighter from within his jacket pocket to light his, he grabs his waffles and waves Wayne a goodbye and hits the road. 

He hops in his van, overjoyed to have a vehicle of his own now. It was a really interesting story about how he got it… he didn’t have to pay a single penny for it, he simply went to Y/N’s house one day after school and learned that her uncle passed away and left everything to his brother, Y/N’s dad. 

That included a beat-up old van, it was dark green with a white stripe.  The seats were cloth, they carried the smell of cigarettes and wet dog, it was nothing a thorough cleaning couldn’t fix. 

“It’ll probably sell for around $1300, I could put some signs up at the plant,” Mr. Y/L/N explained to his wife as Eddie and Y/N walked into the kitchen. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Sweetie, it’s not a good time,” her mother tried to rush her out of the room, not wanting her to be upset. 

“No, no, she’s old enough to stay,” her dad counters. “Remember how your uncle Norman passed away a few months ago and left me his van well… you know what, I know what we can do with it now, honey.”

“What?” Both Y/N and her mom look at him confused but he stares right at Eddie. 

“Do you have your licence, son?” 

Eddie nods, “yes sir, I do…”

“Would you like a free van?” 

“Are you kidding me?” Eddies jaw dropped to the floor. “Free?” 

He nods, “I have no use to it, I don’t need to profit off my brother's passing, and at least this way it basically stays in the family if you’re going to be driving my daughter around all the time.” 

“Oh, absolutely,” he had no doubt about that. 

“Good, I have to pick it up in Illinois on Monday, you can drive it home.” 

The bond he had with Y/N’s family only got stronger after that. 

Every day Y/N brought him a sandwich and gave it to him before he dropped her off, she even wrote Eddie on the paper bag with a heart over the dot in the i. 

He was allowed to have dinner with them most nights, except the first Wednesday of each month because her dad was hosting his book club which included Bob from Radio Shack and the middle school science teacher…

Her dad was a strange man, but then again, Eddie felt very strange himself, so it was a no-brainer that they’d get along so well. 

He made a deal to pick Y/N up every morning for school in exchange for the van, and of course, he was already running late on their first day. He turns off Kerley onto Cornwallace. He’s careful around all the stop signs and school zones, he waits behind a few busses on Elm, but he finally pulls up to Y/N’s house with 10 minutes to spare. 

She’s waiting on the sidewalk with her arms crossed, “I thought I told you that every time you light one of those you lose 7 years off your life.” 

“And I told you I’m here for a good time, not a long time, princess,” he teases as she walks around the van and opens the passenger door herself. 

She tosses her books in, puts her backpack on the floor and then jumps into her seat. It was so funny watching her try and get in without flashing him and the whole neighbourhood. “seatbelt.” 

“You first,” she protests. Waiting for him to put it on before she pulls at her own and clips it into place. 

“You’re in a mood today…” 

“I still have a big decision to make,” she sighs, leaning back against the headrest. 

“Cheerleading or Sr. Editor at the paper… decisions, decisions,” he mocks her. “How will you ever pick?” 

She shoves him and he pretends to swerve, making her grip his leather jacket, “Eddie!” 

“Don’t hit me then!” 

“Ugh!” She gets even more frustrated. “Why can’t you take this seriously? I know you don’t give a rat's ass about graduating this year, but I need at least 1 stellar extra credit activity to put on my college applications and being the drummer for the school band won’t cut it alone.” 

“How are you seriously going to drum, cheer and report the pep rally’s all at the same time?” He laughs at first but then he realizes just how serious she is. 

“Don’t you want to be a journalist? Are you seriously thinking that cheerleading is going to wow the old men reading those applications over the amazing work you do as an editor? No. Not unless you hem the skirt up 3 more inches and give them a special performance…”

“Ew,” she knows he’s right though. “What if everyone hates me for jumping right to the senior editor when I just got here last year?” 

“Then fuck ‘em!” He attempts to inspire her. “Seriously, babe, there’s a reason why Mrs. Ford picked you, and if she likes you and she’s grading your work and she's writing your letter of recommendation, then it doesn’t matter what the kids have to say about it.” 

His lips curl into a smile, “did you just call me babe?” 

He goes white as a ghost, keeping his eyes on the road but they grow impossibly wide. “Did I? Huh… I guess I did.” 

She stares at him quietly as he continues their drive to school, it’s such a short trip but that didn’t stop either of them from wanting more time together.

When he pulls into his regular spot and throws the car in park, he turns to her, finally. “What?” 

“Am I going to have to be the one to ask it, seriously,” she whispers.

“Ask what?” He doesn’t know where she’s going even though it was blatantly obvious. 

“Ask me out.” 

“Oh! Oh, y-yeah, I mean no?” he thinks about it. “No you don’t have to ask, yes I’m going to do it, I have a plan…” 

“You have a plan?” She teases him. 

He nods, “at yearbook distribution, I have something for you.” 

She smiles, wide and toothy, “okay, alright, well… I guess I’ll see you then?” 

“You don’t want me to walk you to class?” He gets all pouty. 

“I don’t have class this today,” she smirks and opens her door, she hops out and gathers her things. “Yearbook kids get the morning off to hand out class schedules and make sure the new kids are where they need to be and as a reward, we get the afternoon off.” 

“Boring,” Eddie adds quickly. 

“Better than home ec,” she slams his door and he immediately gets out and follows her into the school. 

“Is it though? Because when I finish sewing buttons onto all the pillows I have to make, you’re going to be so jealous I didn’t make it for you.”

She laughs, filling him with pride as he follows her through the hallway and towards her locker. Everyone watches them together, the Freak and the Geek. He felt bad that she got that nickname simply for being near him and good at science, it made him want to beat people up when he heard it, but she wouldn’t let him. 

He leans against her locker, glancing down the hallway at Steve Harrington doing the exact same thing to Nancy Wheeler. He points over in their direction, “can you believe they’re together…” 

“No, it’s weird,” she whispers. “He’s in our grade, she’s a sophomore. Just cause he’s taken almost everyone's v card in our year doesn’t mean he can go through all the other grades now.” 

“I don’t know, I think he might actually like her,” he shrugs. “They’re so cuddly together.” 

“So are we?” she doesn’t see anything wrong with that.

“Yeah, but we’re also basically dating,” he says it before his brain can catch up. “I mean— come on you know we’re more than friends.” 

“We are,” she smiles up at him and grabs the collar of his jacket, pulling him in closer until their noses touch. “And yet you still haven’t kissed me on the lips.” 

He shakes his head and pulls back, “uh-uh.”

She pouts, “fine. But if you don’t ask, I’m going to become a cheerleader and end up dating someone like Jeremy Carver…” 

Just the thought of her dating anyone in the Carver family made his blood boil. They were the basketball family that was apparently going to bring the championship back to Hawkins with their new generation of strong blonde boys… it made him think they came from Nazi Germany to Hawkins after the war. 

Jeremy was in their grade, Jason was a sophomore with Nancy Wheeler, and there was another Carver in middle school, probably raising hell there too.

“Oh god, no, ew, please don’t,” he can’t even fathom that, it makes his stomach turn, “do you want to be my girlfriend? Quick, yes or no?” 

She laughs, looping her arms around his neck and looking into his eyes, “yeah, Edward, I guess I’ll be your girlfriend.” 

He can’t control his smile, eyes flicking to her own, he places a hand on her cheek and guides her in for the first kiss of many. Their lips touch ever so gently smiles still formed on their face, unable to relax now that they’ve found true happiness. 

“Excuse me,” he whispers against her lips and steps away so he can make a scene, “excuse me! Attention everyone!” 

Of course, has to make a scene. 

He locks eyes with Harrington and shoots him a wink. 

“I just want to make it clear, to everyone here at Hawkins Hell Hole, that, Y/N Y/L/N is my fair lady and I will not hesitate to duel anyone who attempts to take her from me!” 

“Eddie!” She scolds him, 

 “No one wants her!” Someone yells from the back of the crowd now assembling. 

“Who said that?” Eddie follows the voice, walking chaotically towards it and kids scramble, displaying the one, the only, Jason Carver at the back. “Wanna try saying that again, hot shot? What, do you think cause you can throw a ball in a basket, what? like 23% of the time, that you’re the be all end all of the school?”

He gets flustered, unable to ever fight back when Eddie looked him square in the face. 

“That’s what I thought,” Eddie laughs in his face. “You throw balls because you don’t have any of your own…” 

Jason throws the first punch and Eddie catches it in his big hand, squeezing as tight as he can, Jason throws his other fist. Eddie holds them both in front of him, squeezing so tight that he can’t hold his arms up anymore, Jason’s face trembles, he wants to cry out in pain but he’s embarrassed. 

Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson was embarrassing him in front of everyone. 

“Break it up, break it up,” Mrs. Ford comes pushing through and makes the boys part from one another. “What’s going on here?” 

“Jason was bullying the geek and then threw a punch at the freak,” a geeky little nerd from the crowd explains, pushing his glasses up.

“Do you want to get hit next?” Eddie turns to them. “Stop fucking calling her that! She’s smarter than all you fuckers, she’s going to go to Notre Dame and she’s going to get her journalism degree and you fuck heads are going to have to see her on CNN every night at 6pm for the rest of your lonely lives saying ‘I wish I had been nicer to the geek’ well Fuck That! Be nice to her now! She’s the best fucking person to go to this school, but no one would know that because you saw her with me and immediately thought something was wrong with her! It's you!!! Something is wrong with all of you!!” 

“Mr. Munson!” The principal caught the end of his grand speech. “While your statement is profound, that is not the language we use in this school.” 

“Oh but the years of every kid in here calling me a queer was fine to you? I say fuck and I’m the bad guy?” 

“Mr. Munson that’s enough!” He raises his voice louder. “Follow me.” 

“You’re going to suspend me on my first day for standing up for my girlfriend getting bullied?” He laughs, following anyway. “Sick… just fucking sick.” 

—

Eddie was given an in-school suspension, kicked out of the marching band and told if he misbehaves again they might make him retake the whole year just to teach him a lesson… it made her wonder what other colourful words he chose to use in the principal's office. 

She went to the yearbook classroom for orientation, being senior editor she was in charge of delegating responsibilities, leaving just her and Nancy Wheeler alone in the classroom. 

Nancy Wheeler sat quietly in the back corner near the large paper slicer, organizing newsletters about yearbook sales. But she kept glancing over at Y/N every few minutes. 

She could feel Nancy’s eyes burning a hole in the back of her head like she was trying to read her thoughts or something. She turned to Wheeler, watching her look away and pretend it was nothing, more than once, and then she finally went over. 

“What?” 

“Huh?” Nancy looked up at her with faux innocence. 

“You’re staring. What’s up?” She repeats. 

“Oh,” she brushes her hair behind her ear and gets nervous. “I just… I wanted to know if you’ve picked a junior editor yet, you know, 'cause you’re going to need to do that soon for Mrs. Ford.” 

“I thought you were going to ask about Eddie,” she shakes her head with a sigh and takes a seat beside Nancy. “People always think I’m crazy for being his best friend… well, girlfriend now, I guess.” 

“I’m just surprised… that’s all.” 

“Why?” Y/N genuinely wanted to know. 

“You’re like me, you care about your grades and going to college and Eddie’s… colourful?” Thats the nicest way she could’ve put it. “And plus, there was a rumour going around that you two fucked in his van in the back parking lot this summer, I heard that from Tommy…” 

“What?” She looks horrified. “Oh my god, no, no, we haven’t,” she shakes her head horrified that people would even say that. “I haven’t… ever…”

“Me either,” Nancy lets out a shaky breath. “I think Steve wants to though…” 

“He’s a boy,” she gives her a knowing look. “If you don't want to, don’t. If you feel like he’s making you, kick his ass.” 

She nods, “I wouldn’t let him… I’m pretty strong when I need to be.” 

“Me too,” she smiles, feeling Nancy’s vibe and warming up to her quite easily. She reminds her a lot of herself when she sat down in science last year, so she takes a chance on her “you can be my junior editor, I feel like if you’re in Steves circle and I’m in Eddie’s, we can learn everything in this school… and this way I can still be in the band for the pep rally’s and you can do the physical reporting for me?” 

Nancy smiles back, putting her hand in the middle of them for a shake, “you’ve got a deal.” 

—

There’s a new girl in band, she comes prepared with a trumpet and a smile and keeps glancing over at Y/N. And she’s very cute. 

It makes her panic, Eddies only in the stands watching on as they practice since he can’t join them… Her mind wandered all over the place, she was anxious that he’d notice the glances and the smiles and the fact that every time they rearrange to find the best flow for everyone to perform at their best, they keep getting closer and closer to each other. 

“Hi,” she leans over and whispers near her ear, “I’m Robin.” 

“Y/N,” she smiles back. “Are you new?” 

She shakes her head, “to Hawkins, no, but to this band, yes. I’m a sophomore, I haven’t been here that long and I was tired of hiding cause I didn’t have friends so I just joined on a whim… sorry, I didn’t know what you meant so I kinda just said both answers anyway and then that happened…” 

“That’s okay,” she stifles a laugh, trying to stay quiet while the teacher tries to talk them through the new choreography for the football games. “It was cute.” 

It was only the first week of school, and their teacher couldn’t expect a group of teenagers to listen to her after 2 months away from school. 

Robin blushes and looks away, bringing her trumpet back to her lips and pretending to play along as her lips wouldn’t cooperate to actually play. Meanwhile, Y/N carried on with her snare drum. The cheerleaders did flips in the background,  balls are thrown and “hut hut!” Is yelled repeatedly, there’s so much going on in their small field for an early September afternoon. 

The turnout for tryouts was wild, ’83 was their year. 

After practice, she waves to Robin and heads over to Eddie on the bleachers. “Hey, princess,” he kisses the side of her head as he wraps his arm around her. “Who’s that?” He gestures towards them with the lift of his chin in her direction. 

“Robin, she’s new. To band, not Hawkins, she’s in Wheeler’s grade.” She keeps her head down and avoids eye contact with him, almost ashamed of her slight attraction to her. 

“What’s up?” He catches it. 

“Hm?” She finally looks up at him, guilty as all hell. “Nothing.” 

“Okay then,” he laughs it off and tugs her along for their walk back over to his van. 

She’s quiet most of the way home, well, back to eddies place. She mostly just lets him talk, explaining how hard it was to not snap at the principal. He had an in-school suspension for the rest of the week, he’d be doing all his school work in the office, alone, without even a break for lunch. 

“Well, I’m going to be bringing your lunch in every day and if they don’t let me sit with you there will be hell to pay,” she complains. “Because today I had lunch with Nancy Wheeler… and when I tell you it was weird, thats an understatement.” 

“Why?” He can’t believe what she said. 

“She’s going to be my junior editor, I figured I’d need someone to take game notes while I play and she should get a decent amount of gossip off Harrington and his weird-ass friends.” 

“That’s actually so smart,” he compliments with a beautiful smile, putting her back at ease. 

Feelings are weird, but she knows for sure she loves him more than anyone who could ever enter her life. 

It isn’t until he’s parking out front of his trailer that he talks to her again.  “Seriously? Is something going on?” 

She shakes her head, faking a smile. “I’m just tired. I’m not used to getting up this early anymore.” 

“Okay,” he tries to believe her, but he can’t. “You mind if I smoke? I don’t have to drive you home till later, anyway?” 

She nods, “yeah, I don’t mind, just, can I go lay down while you do it out here?” 

He nods and hands her the keys, “head on in.” 

And she does just that, watching him take his secret stash out from under the steps and head to the back f the trailer so no one would see him. 

She gets a few minutes alone in his room, and she goes right to tidying to ease her anxieties. She has cleaned his room with him before, she’s done his laundry in with her own after getting caught in the rain, and she’s even showered at his place before. She felt very safe and comfortable with him as if this was her home too. 

She goes to make his bed, she moves the pillow to fluff it and finds something she never expected. 

“Heavy Metal,” she reads the title of the magazine aloud as she picks it up, noticing the naked woman riding a Pegasus into battle with a large sword and huge tits. It’s exciting to her, it feels wrong to be able to see something so graphic just out in the open… she flips through the pages, breathing heavily, her heart almost beating out of her chest. 

She hears the screen door open and she throws the magazine back down onto the bed, covers it with a pillow and sits down before he gets into the room. 

He comes running in and jumps into the bed, tackling her down and tickling her stomach, she laughs, screeching for him to stop but he doesn’t, “my girl needs giggles! Doctors orders!” 

“Eddie!” 

He stops and looks down at her with a sweet smile, “you know I’m always here if you want to talk?” 

She reaches under the pillow and pulls it out, handing it to him. “this…” 

“How did you know about this?” His face goes white as a ghost, and he sits on his knees with a look of shame.

“I don’t care that you have it… I care that I like it…” 

“Oh? oh!” He finally gets it and then his eyes narrow in on her, “oh…” 

“Eddie, I’m being serious, it’s weird, I feel like I’m cheating on you and all because I keep noticing women being pretty now that we’re together… why didn’t this happen before we got together?” 

“I find dudes hot,” he shrugs, admitting something just as scary to even the playing field. “Like today Harrington looked really nice, I even winked at him.” 

“You didn’t?” She smacks his arm. “Seriously?” 

“It’s the hair,” he shrugs. “What can I say, us men with good hair, we’re hot.” 

She laughs, “I think I just like nice people… like robin today, she was so smiley and she kept wanting to stand with me and it reminded me of you, honestly.” 

“Are you saying I’m cute and smiley?” He thinks about it, “no one has ever used those words to describe me.” 

She pulls him in for a hug and then a cuddle, he snuggles into her chest and wraps his arms around her middle. “I think it's normal to find people cute, it’s not wrong, it only becomes a problem if you hide it from me or it stops you from liking me anymore…” 

“That could never happen,” she assures him, smoothing her hand over his back, she presses a kiss to his head. “You’re my home, Eddie. No one can replace you.” 

“Good,” he smiles, she can feel his happy cheeks against her chest. “Cause you’re never getting rid of me.” 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

“Guess what I learned today?” She whispers.

“What?” 

“Tommy and his dips hit girlfriend are telling people we fucked in the van, parked at the school this summer.” 

He sits up and looks down at her, “are you serious?” 

She nods, “Nancy told me. I think she just wanted to talk about sex cause Steve might be pressuring her…” 

“I should give him a talk,” Eddie mumbles. “That’s not cool.” 

“I told her to kick his ass if he tries anything, I think she could,” she tries to make Eddie smile and gets a laugh instead. 

“We could team up and all kick his ass, too,” Eddie suggests. “I think it would be hot to see you kick someone's ass…” 

“Yeah?” She raises her brows, “how high are you right now?” 

“My usual amount, I’m just allowed to tell you my thoughts now… my girlfriend should know I think she’s the most beautiful person in the world.” 

Her heart swells, “and I can finally tell you that you’re hot… I’ve been telling you that you’re handsome, so I guess I need to kick it up a notch now.” 

“And I can do this now,” he places his hand on her cheek and leans in for a kiss. 

His lips are soft as he presses against hers, breathing in deeply through his nose and relaxing against her. She rests her hands on his hips and tries to spread her legs to let him settle between her as the kiss heats up. It was the first time she really kissed a boy… and it was everything she thought it would be. 

—

September 6th comes around again like it did every year, and every year it got a little bit easier… but losing his dad was never going to be okay. It was never going to be normal. 

After his mom left and stealing cars landed him in prison for a few years, his dad became a security guard for the Hawkins Lab. 

He died during a security breach at the Lab, Eddie will never know the specifics, but he knew it was horrific. His father wasn’t in any condition to be seen afterwards, the lab actually paid for his cremation and he now sits in a little urn on the table beside the tv. 

When no one was home, sometimes Eddie would walk over, press a kiss to his forefingers and gently press it to the top of the urn and tell him he missed him… sometimes he would even tell his dad whole stories about his day, sitting down on the carpeted floor of his uncle's trailer for hours just catching up with the jar of his ashes. 

Today, however, just pressing a kiss to the top of his eternal container wasn’t enough. He felt extra sad this year because so much was different. This year he has a girlfriend and this year he graduates… those are two very big things and he’s not going to be home for them.

He’s been home for a few hours, after dinner with Y/N she had family time and that meant he had to go. Sometimes she called him at night before bed, but most nights he just sat alone in his room while Wayne was at work.

Wayne always takes the 6th off, Eddie knew he’d be home, in the main room, and he knew he’d be willing to talk about it if Eddie opened up to him about his feelings… but when he walks out into the main room, Wayne is sound asleep with the urn tucked under one arm and a bottle of beer in the other hand. 

He just picks up his keys, slugs on his coat and quietly leaves the trailer. He doesn’t even know how late it is, it might not even be the 6th anymore, but he needs something… He needs someone. 

Someone very specific. 

He’s there before he even realizes where he’s going. Pulling into Y/N’s driveway, he notices her bedroom light is still on, and so is her father's study on the first floor. As he gets out and begins his walk towards the porch, the light comes on and her father is opening the door. 

“Eddie?” 

“Hi, Mr. Y/L/N,” he carries a tune of sadness in his voice that anyone could pick up on. 

“Are you alright?” 

He nods, trying to stay calm as long as he could but begins to break down the longer he thinks about it. “No…” 

Without thinking, her father wraps his arms around him and pulls him into a hug. He rubs his back gently, “it’s okay, son… what’s going on?” 

He pulls back and wipes his tears, pulling himself together. “I’m sorry, really, I didn’t mean to come here this late, I just— it’s— my dad died 4 years ago today and in all honesty, I just came here for a hug from Y/N, so, thank you— for the hug, sir.” 

“You can head on up to her room,” he lets him in and points up the stairs, “Wayne know you’re here?” 

He shakes his head, “he’s not going to notice I’m gone, he’s having a rough night too… only he’s allowed to have booze.” 

“You’re welcome to stay here,” he looks him in the eye, acknowledging that he trusts him to stay the night in his home, specifically in his daughter's room. “No funny business, Kyle’s room is also free if you want to sleep there.” 

“Thank you, sir,” he pats his shoulder, “I promise, I’d never do anything to ruin the relationship I have with your family. It means a lot to me.” 

“Anytime, son.” 

With a heavy heart, he kicks off his shoes and heads up the stairs to Y/N’s room. The door is closed, like normal, so he gives it a quiet knock. 

“Come in?” 

He opens it slowly, “hey, princess.” 

She flings the covers off her bed and runs to him, “Eddie? Oh my god?” 

He sneaks in and closes the door behind himself just in time to open his arms and catch her. She holds him tightly, it’s everything he wanted and then some. “Hi, my love.” 

She pulls back and looks up at him, wiping the residual tears off his cheeks carefully, she’s so concerned, “what’s wrong?”

“Um, let’s go sit down…” he isn’t ready to say it again yet. 

She nods, “Yeah, okay.” She takes his hand and drags him over to the bed and that’s when he notices she’s only in a long T-shirt as a nightgown. 

“um… your dad said I can stay here, I promised to behave, but um, can I borrow some PJs or would you be okay with me in my underwear and shirt?” 

She laughs, “take ‘em off, I’m only in underwear and a shirt, see?” she pulls up the nightgown and flashes a pair of bright yellow granny panties. “It’s not a big deal, it’s the same as a swimsuit.” 

She’s not wrong there. He strips down, he gets comfortable and joins her in her big comfy bed. She has so many pillows and the softest blanket, she lays back and lets him cuddle right into her, cheek on her boobs, hand on her tummy, he was in heaven. 

“You know how my dad died…” 

“I’m still so sorry for your loss, honey, I know it’s not fair,” she pets his ever-growing hair lovingly and then presses a kiss to the top of his head. 

“It’s 4 years today.” 

“God, I’m sorry, baby,” she says with her lips still touching his head, and then she places a few more kisses and holds him tighter. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through.” 

“I’m just glad I have you this year,” he admits, tearing up again. “And your dad… he gave me a hug too.” 

“Really?” She sounds so happy to hear that. 

He nods, “you’re my family, Y/N… I— I love you.” 

He’s called her ‘my love’ a million times, they both say nothing of it, they don’t take it seriously, but in all seriousness— Eddie was only saying it to test the waters before he told her that he loved her. 

They’ve been dating for a week. 

A Week. 

Sure, they’ve been friends for almost a year and sharing cuddles and secrets and cheek kisses for months now… it still felt weird to admit to her that he was in love with her. 

Like enough to make him go insane— levels of in love with her. The kind of love that made him want to be a good person and get good grades to get a good job and be a good husband and one day— god willing— a good father to her kids… their kids. 

He’s thought about it so much it seems a bit excessive, but when his head hits the pillow at home, all he can think about is spending the rest of his life with her. 

“You love me?” 

He pulls back and props himself up on his arm so he can look at her, “Is that okay?” 

With both hands she cups his face, “oh, Eddie, I love you too.” 

They haven’t kissed on the lips much, but pressing them together feels like coming home. He’s safe in her arms, cocooned in her warm embrace, he melts into the kiss and prolongs the kiss with his tongue. 

Making out was new for them but they both found it relatively easy over the last week and very beneficial for their mutual touch-starved hearts. He didn’t mean to grope her, but he rests his free hand on her boob and squeezes gently, invoking a moan from her that threatens the promise he made to her dad. 

He pulls back to apologize and she immediately starts apologizing instead, “seriously, I didn’t mean to! It’s just—“

He places his finger over her lips and shushes her with a smile, “if I plan on staying in your dad's good books, I can’t get turned on and do something we both regret later…”

“Okay,” she understands and lets him pull away more, he settles into the pillow beside hers and looks over at her, sweetly.

But sweet is the last thing on her mind. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

He nods, “always, princess?” 

“Do you think I’m hot? Like I know you love me, and so you must like more than just the fact we’re best friends and we have a bond… cause I find you really handsome and dare I say, sexy, even. But— what I’m trying to say is, would you ever want to get physical one day? With me?” 

He laughs, which is the exact opposite of what she needed to hear. It makes her brows furrow and he starts backtracking immediately. “Oh my god, no, I didn’t laugh cause I think it’s silly, I laughed cause you really have no idea what you do to me, so you?” 

She shakes her head and moves in closer, settling next to him, their faces only inches apart. “So tell me?”

He laughs again and pulls at the neck of his shirt so that it’s not choking him. “Well, for starters, and this is probably going to sound shallow, I only sat down beside you in science ‘cause you were hot and I hadn’t seen you before and I thought maybe if I talked to you first, then you wouldn’t believe anyone else that I was a freak.” 

“I’ll personally assassinate everyone who’s called you that,” she jokes, only that’s what he thinks. She feels completely serious about wanting revenge on the fuckers that made her man feel like this. 

“I think being in love with you makes me find you more attractive than I ever did when I first saw you.”

“How?” She seems a little confused. 

“I think it’s beautiful that you saw me without a lunch and started bringing one for me. I think it’s hot that you get so angry when I talk down about myself. And I think it’s sexy as fuck that you’re here in your underwear making out with me under your daddy’s roof, pretty girl… you’re tempting, but I always keep a promise.” 

She basically purrs with excitement, “you’re so hot when you notice the things I do for you and let me keep doing them… cause like, I know you hate when I put hearts on your sandwich bags cause the dudes at work think it’s girly, but you let me do it because it showed you how much I loved you even before I could say it out loud.” 

“We’re really dumb,” he laughs, “you know that, right?”  

“We have basically been dating since we danced in your trailer and you kissed my forehead,” she teases him. “I think that’s when I fell in love with you for real.” 

“When you pinned the ribbon to my jacket,” he admits the moment that got him. “Being granted a lady’s token is not something a knight forgets.” 

“Come here,” she pulls him back onto her chest and back to the way they were before. She kisses the top of his head a few times, “I’m so glad you said it, cause going to bed tonight without saying I love you first would be so weird.”

He smirks, “you’re welcome, my love.” 

She reaches over to her night table and turns off her light. She settles back in with him and runs her fingers through his hair, “sweet dreams, my Eddie.”

“I love you,” he whispers against her chest. 

“I love you, more.” 

He lets her think that, but she’ll never know the leaps and bounds he’d go to to prove that to her. He’d go all the way to the ends of the earth for her, all she need do is ask. 

They both fall asleep soon after that, peacefully unaware of her dad opening the door before he also heads to bed, carefully he peeks in to see them cuddled together under the blankets, his jeans laying at the foot of her bed, he fit into her life like he was always there. And a part of him hoped he always would be. 

eddie munson taglist (ask to be added)

@fightingdragonswithwho @allybatch @mrs-dr-reid @reidselle @kyomito

[pretensesoup]

Queer books, day 22/30

Okay, I wrote this all and then Tumblr ate it, so here we go again. LOL help.

Here we have Oliver Rivington, former army captain lately invalided home. He comes to see Jack Turner when he discovers his sister, Lady Montbray, has paid him 200 GBP. (This is like FOURTEEN THOUSAND POUNDS in today's money, so he is probably right to be concerned, actually.) Jack is a former scallywag turned private eye who tells Oliver to fuck off. While they're bickering, another client arrives--a woman with some missing letters--and Oliver starts in on the "exactly what kind of operation are you running here?"

Fortunately(?), Oliver has literally nothing better to do than to harass Jack and try to dig up dirt on him. This leads to shouting. Angry, stressed makeouts in an alley after an attempted mugging. A road trip that is full of intense longing and the two of them teasing each other sexually. Being detectives together as a love language! It's amazing, honestly. All written with Cat Sebastian's characteristic wit and "eat the rich" attitude, with a defense of women and the power men hold over them on the side. Lovely.

Key quote:

The lady obviously spent her days reading, napping, and eating biscuits. He didn’t know whether to be disgusted or jealous.

To be honest, this one has a bit of a rough landing. It's one romance novel where it felt like despite being in love, Jack and Oliver should maybe not have ended up together. They're well suited, but the class thing is SO MUCH of a thing that it starts to feel weird that they find a way around it. BUT. In the end, I love it too much to really criticize it for wanting to make me happy. 10/10, go read it.

Warnings for graphic sex and some period-typical homophobia, violence, and allusions to violence against women and women being subjugated to their husbands because it's 1817 and, you know, fuck everything. But Lady Montbray eventually gets a nice girlfriend, so it all works out in the end.