#i also have a few other things in mind that Could get tears out of her futurely but shshshshsh we'll get there. š
On a seemingly random Tuesday night, a few members of the Bat Family are free to spend dinner at the manner.
Jason was benched by his fellow Outlaws for a nasty hit to his chest and got tired of Bizās worrying even if it was appreciated at first.
Dick had been taking a small break after a particularly bad case with work that involved some hurt children and wanted to be back home.
Damian had only ever made threats to move about but the newley eighteen year old was still at home.
Tim had been using his free time while Kon and Cassie visited their families to visit his own while Bart and Barry dragged Wally on a bonding trip. The poor West boy had to miss out a concert of some sort.
Stephanie, Duke and Cass were all busy with a case and had pleaded with Bruce to take some time off because he was, quote, āBroodier than Hamletā. He eventually relented when Barbie and Kate promised to keep an eye on them.
The group had decided to watch a movie instead of playing games, mainly because not games were banned, and settled on something that Tim paid no mind to.
The problem came that it was cold out and everyone insisted on having the fire as hot as it could go, but Tim naturally ran hot. Jason and Damian tended to get the coldest and while only Jason would complain, Damian could and would set anything he wanted on fire to get warm.
So, Tim didnāt complain and just said he was going to get changed.
He spent at least half an hour on one of the arm chairs by himself with his tablet playing RuneScape, when Dick inhaled so quickly everyone heard it.
Tim assumed it was something to do with the movie and didnāt turn, tapping away at his screen, completely ignorant to Dickās quickly forming tears.
It was when Bruce also made a noise, this time a poorly pronounced āohā that he turned around, assuming it had to be a truely grand thing for Bruce to react so openly in the movie.
Instead he finds his foster father and brothers staring at him.
More specifically, his thighs.
Tim hadnāt realised his shorts would ride up and stop covering him to just above his knee and show the hundreds of scars littered over the outside and inside of his pale skin. They were mostly faded, but with the width of some of them they were always going to be visible, especially with the sheer amount.
Pulling his pant leg down, Tim doesnāt bother to hide a sympathetic wince and says, āSorry, didnāt meant to show them. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.ā
He looks away again, assuming that was that and trying to remind himself that it wasnāt his fault that people were upset by his scars, just like Black Canary told him.
Instead he hears a sob and turns back to find Bruce holding Dicks hand as his oldest brother sobs into his hand. He sees that Jason is seemingly fighting to not match him even with his wide eyes and Damian is staring at him with confusion.
Realisation finds Tim quickly, which makes sense considering heās supposed to be the āsmart Robinā.
āYou didnāt knowā¦ā
Dick stands up, dropping Bruceās hand and comes to kneel before Tim, holding onto his own hands like some kind of follower to a god, āWhy? I- I donāt- why?ā
The desperation in his voice makes Tim feel sick, and he looks around at the others for help because surely he had talked to at least one of them about it? He had been open with his friends, and he hadnāt exactly kept it a secret, but he did avoid showing themā¦
Tim moves to hold onto Dick in return, āIām sorry, I thought you guys knew-ā¦ okay, look, Iāve got a two year clean streak and Iām in therapy, okay? Iām so sorry Dick, I just assumed you knew cause I use the shower in the cave with you guys andā¦ Iām so sorry.ā
Thereās a silence for a moment as Dick drags him into his arms and squeezes him as tightly as he can, not even being careful like he usually would.
āI donāt understand.ā
Damianās voice sounds uncharacteristic in how small it is. Heās staring at Timās legs like he might be able to catch a glimpse of the scars in genuine confusion.
Bruce seemingly canāt speak and so Jason tries his best to explain to the youngest Wayne boy, āLook, bra-kid, some times when people arenāt doing to well theyā¦ they hurt themselves. Timā¦ā
Giving his brother a smile, Tim takes over as tears finally break away from Jason. Jason was always the most emotional and thatās evident in how he actually lets Bruce pull him into a side hug.
āDami, you know how my parents kind of sucked?ā
Damian makes a scoff noise, āI know they were incompetent, yes.ā
Smiling, Tim continues as his eyes grow wet with the sound of his families cries, āWell, I really wanted to good for them but they had impossible standards. When I found I couldnāt reach them, I decided I needed punishment. Soā¦ā he takes a deep inhale and moves a hand to Dickās head to comfort him as he finishes. āI started to cut myself.ā
Damian doesnāt get wide eyes or anything, and Tim thinks itās so much worse that thereās an image understanding in his little brothers eyes that show he sees that as completely logical.
But it is quickly overcome, his first thought always what he was raised with and quickly followed by the ideals heās learnt and now values. He doesnāt cry either, but he does have a look of a pure heart break in his sweet little eyes.
Bruce finally comes over and pulls his two sons into a hug, adjusting to fit Jason in and saying nothing as Damian comes up behind Tim and leans his head against the others back.
Bruce asks other a few minutes of holding each other, āYou said you havenāt for two years?ā
Tim smiles once again and presses a kiss to his dadās cheek. āYeah. I learnt that family, real family like ours, would never want physical punishment, especially for something we canāt control. Thatās not how loving people work.ā
Damian moves to wrap his arms around Tim in their first ever hug and by all gods and mighty beings is Tim glad he stuck around.
Hugs from his family was well worth it.
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Select Two, Choose One: How will the Culprit get Found?
Since the latest DRDT chapter seems to have narrowed down the suspect list to just two people, many have speculated on how exactly the cast is going to pin down the correct suspect, and whether or not the audience has the tools to do so. I thought Iād throw my hat in the ring too! And while Iām still really 50/50 split, there is one piece of evidence that could change the murder methodā¦ in a way that points us to the culprit. Very inconclusive evidence, but itās there. Letās get into it.
Spoilers up to CH2 EP14. CW: Hanging, murder, blood, Eden and Ace!Culprit discussion
As a starting point, Iāll assume that the deduction that the culprit must be one of Eden or Ace is accurate, to simplify things if nothing else.
I will start with what Iāll call āmeta onlyā arguments. In other words, things that characters canāt reliably use to narrow down the suspect, but that we the audience can take into consideration for theory-crafting.
-Mindset post-Nico murder attempt: Immediately after Nico runs out of the gym, the killer needs to be in the correct mindset to grab the tape, and they also need to be able to more or less figure out what Nico did to replicate it with Arei. Although, importantly, the killer doesnāt need to come up with the full plan on the spot, and they donāt need to fully understand what Nico was doing. At the end of the day, the only real similarities are the general idea of a pulley and a hanging.
Hereās more or less the train of thought Eden might have had if sheās the killer.
Eden: Hmmā¦ The fan is broken and there was wire on it, Aceās neck looks cutā¦ Maybe Nico used some kind of pulley to hang him and it broke? Maybe I could do thatā¦ This tape looks useful for that.
Meanwhile, since Ace woke up in the middle of the murder attempt, he has to do a little less deducing.
Ace: Did I just get knocked- HOLY SHIT NICO IS HANGING ME WITH SOME SORT OF FUCKING SPINNING DEVICE AAAA-! Ooh, tape! :D
The actual planning of a murder would come later in the morning for Ace, once he sits down and has A Thought about it. Grabbing the tape in that context seems insane, but there may be precedent for Ace being prone to stealing the weirdest shit (weāll get to it), soā¦
I think both of these are plausible. I wouldnāt say either can be disqualified like this, so we keep looking.
-Ripping/reconstructing the note: The note to Arei was ripped up and thrown into the trash, then Eden, Rose and Whit put it together.
Ace has no real reason to destroy the note, he could have just left it as it was. Maybe throw it in the trash since āitās what Eden would have doneā, but destroying it runs the risk of people not being able to put it together to point at Eden/Arturo. Although, you could argue Ace was trying to frame Nico specifically, so the note wasnāt useful and he threw it away because it made sense in his mind.
Hereās where we get introduced to a pretty big problem of having Ace as a suspect; that thing Teruko said, that sometimes assuming people will always act logically is a bad idea. Ace is the prime example; a lot of shit in this case makes a lot more sense if you assume Ace did it because heās not smart enough to notice the problems with it. Such as using the method to frame Nico when only a few people in the class know what the method is; he maybe wouldnāt have noticed that that could point towards him as well. Ace is erratic, itās very difficult to pin down why he does half the shit he does.
Eden, at least, makes sense. By destroying the note, then rebuilding it herself, she throws off suspicion with the exact argument she used in the trial; if sheās the killer, why do that? Just leaving the note as it is runs the risk of someone finding it and presenting it, which removes that argument, meaning tearing it is imperative.
And she would want the class to find it, not just because it makes her look more innocent if she talks about a building friendship with Arei, but because the note is where we get the ā7:30ā time, which combined with the fish making people think the murder was at nighttime, appears to give Eden an alibi.
In conclusion, the note being ripped makes more sense with Eden as the culpritā¦ but it doesnāt disqualify Ace because heās an idiot. And speaking of thatā¦
-Fish Paradox: As outlined in my Ep13 murder theory revision, the problem with the fish is that everyone who benefits from the fish being at the crime scene only benefits if they have an alibi for nighttime, but that coincides with the time the fish disappeared, as Nico fed them and counted all of them after having dinner, so they couldnāt have taken it. Meanwhile, people like Ace who could have taken the fish, wouldnāt have a reason to as they donāt benefit from the nighttime alibi.
Except, itās fucking Ace. Itās genuinely possible he thought people would see fish and instantly jump on Nico for some reason. See the problems that arise when you can no longer assume the killer is acting rationally?
Anyways, inconclusive (weāll talk Eden later).
-No blood on tape: This heavily depends on exactly how Ace could grabbed the tape. His hands sorta get covered in blood instantly, so itās hard to imagine heād be able to do that without staining the entire roll of tape with blood. He couldnāt have easily washed it, either, since he passes out shortly after, and the blood would have likely dried by the time he woke up. This is definitely a point towards Eden, but can the cast use this? I donāt think so, because it relies on what we saw during the episode, which is not easy to prove in a trial setting.
-Dialogue and trial behavior: This oneās difficult, and as you might expect, inconclusive.
I would argue Eden has a higher amount of outright suspicious lines (āTeruko, waitāā haunts me), but she also has a higher amount of seemingly anti-suspicious lines that make her look very innocent (see: the entire speech at the end of Ep 14).
She also has a moment where she steers the trial in the right direction by denying that Arei could have committed assisted suicide, but itās worth remembering that if the class thinks thatās what happened and they learn of Edenās relationship with her, they might assume Arei and Eden worked together to get Eden out. In other words, by denying the notion of assisted suicide, Eden!Culprit avoids the class reaching the right conclusion through the wrong method. Of course, if sheās innocent, itās just genuine.
Comparatively, Ace operates at a much more stable level of suspiciousness I can only call āAce level.ā Heās constantly throwing suspicion on Nico, who the killer seemingly tried to frame with the method; he kept David and Areiās conversation hidden; and was one of the first to jump on the āDavidās the culpritā bandwagon. In a vacuum, this is super suspicious; hell, Levi was the fandomās prime suspect for less.
Butā¦ itās Ace. His behavior isnāt too different from the first trial. So while itās possible heās doing all this because heās the culprit, itās also possible heās just being Ace.
Impossible to tell, I fear.
-Edenās Night 2 paranoia: You might recall Eden being very worried someone was following her in night 2, which could suggest she was doing something suspicious (eg setting up the ball of clothes, more on this later) and was scared sheād get found out.
The problem is that thereās a perfectly fine explanation for Spotless!Eden. This is the night after her confrontation with Arturo, and Teruko did enter the same room as her; she could have just been paranoid because of the former, and felt someone was following her because of the latter. Moot point.
(I donāt think anyone else was following Eden because Teruko would have presumably seen them. Then again, I have overestimated our protagās perceptiveness in the past)
-Edenās strength: Eden is the weakest of the cast, so itās very possible that half the Arei murder method is just impossible for her. Butā¦ we canāt know for absolutely sure what āweakest of the castā means, and itās not evidence that can be used in a trial. Ignorable.
-Motive, character writing and themes: Iām lumping these in together because Iāll give the same answer to all of them: the dev can just add an explanation in the inevitable post-trial trauma dump. We donāt know absolutely everything there is to know about these characters, or the way the narrative is going, so itās impossible to confidently argue based on this. Physical evidence will always take precedence over these things in my books.
And that kinda settles it for that. Thereās minor arguments like āEden wonāt die before we explore the Fork CGā (well, Xander did, so) or āif the Scrum Debate is Ace vs Eden then Ace is probably safeā (we donāt know what the Scrum Debate will be), but Iāll skip them to get to the more pressing matters.
That being trial-worthy evidence. What can the most dysfunctional cast of any fangan ever (/affectionate) use to fully commit to a culprit?
-Fish Alibi: If Ace has the problem of āno reason to bring fish,ā Eden has the problem that her alibi literally starts directly after dinner. If Nico ate dinner with her and Hu, she couldnāt have taken the fish.
Except, of course, Nico could have had dinner earlier, and this point is completely moot. We canāt know yet.
-BDA: This is very obviously not what the cast will use to come to the conclusion given the discussions weāve had, but Iāll bring it up anyways. This was explained in the episode though, soā¦
-Playground floor: sorastar6ās idea; since the floor of the playground is made of the same stuff as the relax room, itād become sticky after getting wet from the water in the jugs, and thus, the culprit could have some stuck to their shoe. Unfortunately for some of you, we canāt easily look at the castās feet all the time, so this would only work for the characters, not us. However, Hu does mention heels as an example of something that can scuff the floor, and Ace wears heels, so small point to him.
-Missing glove: I still have no idea where this thing went. My only guess would be that the killer removed it to more easily put tape on Areiās wrists, but by the time theyād strung her up, they decided putting the glove back on would take too much time (? I have no concept of how hard itās be to properly put a glove on a dead personās hand), and they wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. If true, that would mean they still have the glove on them, as it wasnāt in the trash. Again, if Iām right about this, the cast can use this, we canāt.
-Random garbage:
Something here. Rose would remember everything about it, so itās usable. Maybe Aceās gloves were damaged and he had to use the needle and thread to fix them? Maybe one of those napkins is the cloth with turpentine Nico used and only Ace would have identified and used it (assuming it wouldnāt have dried and MonoTV wouldnāt have thrown it out for some reason)? What even is that pink paper thing? Who knows.
-Ball of clothes: Held together by something Teruko identified as starch, thereās been around three hundred theories involving this thing. The only one thatās actually incriminating (for the two possibilities being discussed) is thebadjoeās idea of the starch being from the enriched formula of the relax room, which could implicate Eden as she was acting suspiciously around the dress-up room on night 2.
Iāve seen it argued that the clothes would be dirty in that case, but that can be solved with an extra layer of clothes under the clothes that actually get starched up, which would later be either discarded, washed, or simply put inside the ball itself.
(This might be the last murder diagram I make for this case. Holy shit I canāt believe that)
Which is all well and good, but this is still ultimately assuming both that the cast has some way of making sure Ace couldnāt have done this, which Iām not sure exists, and that the starch comes from the relax room in the first place.
Because something I learnt, like, last week, is that people put starch on clothes. Like thatās a thing they do. So itās entirely possible thereās starch for clothes in the dress-up room and anyone could have done this. If thatās the case, this cannot be used to argue at all. I donāt love the idea, since we donāt know if there really is starch there or not, but itās there.
-Grammar: The letter to Arei pretty famously misspells āresponsibelā (responsible), has horrible punctuation, etc. Itās possible someone in the trial will realize, ask Ace and Eden to spell the word, and whoever gets it right is cleared. We canāt know, but itās a possibility. This also has the benefit of being obscenely funny.
-Custom weapon: If the killer used their custom weapon, it may point to them as guilty, as only they have access to it. However, I fail to see how a riding crop (Ace) or a wrench (Eden) would help in the slightest.
There is, however, one more item that only one of these characters has access to. And while I am very unsure of this assumption, if you ask me right now what is the decisive piece of evidence that will close the case once and for all, I will tell you:
-The shoulder band thingy:
Ace: Too fucking bad. Mine now. Iām keeping it.
Yep. This one.
For starters, remember that thing I said about the tape? That Ace has precedent of stealing completely random shit for no reason, and so itās plausible he grabbed the tape just because? This is the precedent.
More importantly though, itās something only Ace has access to, so if it can be determined it was used in the crime scene, itās curtains.
And there is actually one place I could see it being used. Followers of my method theories know that, through the fire and the flames, thereās been one deduction thatās remain constant: the rope was tied to the ball of clothes, which was thrown over the railings to get the rope as high as needed. The ball also hit the lights, displacing the bulb and causing it to flicker.
(He he I snuck the image into a fourth post >:D)
Iāve always sorta assumed DRDT takes place in a physics exercise where air drag is ignored, but itās true that this might be harder than Iāve been presenting it as.
So, we get the use for the shoulder band; a slingshot. Iām unsure on how it would be constructed (swingset maybe? seesaw?), but the idea is that. Create a slingshot, throw the clothes, badabim badabum, Ace is the culprit.
Iām not the only one to think of this btw. Reddit user (yes weāre cross-platforming for this) Makatrull seems to have arrived at the same conclusion. Great minds think alike ig.
Of course, this comes with its own issues. Mainly, how do you connect the shoulder band to the crime scene? The only way I see that happening is if the cast determines this is literally the only way the lights get broken, whichā¦ yeah, Iām gonna have to let them do the math on that one.
Itās impossible to judge without existing in the DRDT world. Is the ceiling higher than Iād previously assumed? Then itās possible to come to this conclusion. Is it lower, and possible that even Eden would have managed to just throw the ball over the railing? Certainly. So, for now, inconclusive. When I say itās the most likely to be the decisive evidence, I mean by like, 0.1%, I really have no clue.
āāā
Thereās probably more, but thatās all I can think of for now.
Seeing as weāre reaching the end, Iām gonna say that regardless of the outcome, this might be one of my favorite trials in all of both canon and fan-made Danganronpa. So much shit happened. Iāll save my full thoughts for a more dedicated post, but goddamn, I canāt wait to see the conclusion!
Hope you enjoyed! If you made it this far, you deserve a shoulder band thing. Do with it as you please. See you!
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Chapter 59: Eye Eye, Cap'n
Warnings: "medical" "procedures", Heat gets something stuck in his ass
Milling about the infirmary, you made a list of things you needed to restock on. If it were an emergency, you could probably make them, however you preferred to keep your devil fruit reserved for your prisoners at the moment. You were starting to understand Wire's preference in clothing. You had no choice but to commandeer his fit since your pants were ruined. There was no question you could have fixed those too, but once you tried on Wire's fishnets, out of curiosity, you didn't want to. Instead, you decided to add his tiny shorts, which were much less tiny on you, yet stretchy enough not to fall down. His mesh bralette-like top had to be adjusted a bit to fit your body. Once everything was on, you couldn't deny that you felt very sexy.Ā
There was a touch of a strut to your step as you paraded around your domain. When your eyes touched the place where Kid had upset you, your step faltered. Failing to push it from your mind, your heartbeat sped, thinking about it had been causing you quite a lot of anxiety. You were still angry, but no longer seething. It was reasonable to assume Kid would be safe in your presence, however not guaranteed. You knew you would have to face it soon. All you needed from him was a sincere apology and reassurance that you were something more than easy sex. You wanted to believe it was just something stupid he had said, and it most likely was, but you needed him to say it for you to fully forgive him and put it behind you. You wished it was easier being romantically entwined with him. With Killer it seemed so easy. Why couldn't it be like that with Kid? Or was it normal with Kid, and Killer was the abnormality? Relationships, if you wanted to call whatever you had with them that, were an enigma to you.Ā
You leaned against the counter and took a short break. You had gotten into your feelings again and needed to clear your head. Tears pricked your eyes at the thought of not being able to forgive Kid. Fuck him for making you soft. You wanted badly to go back to the way things were, but you were not going to compromise your self-worth. When you first stepped on the ship, you were fearless and confident. Lately, you had been feeling like part of that was lost when you were in captivity. You were struggling to regain it. This anxiety of being wanted and accepted was undermining your composure. Maybe that was it. Maybe caring about it was the thing that was undermining your usual confidence. Before, you couldn't have given less of a shit about the Kid Pirates, and now you gave a lot of shits.Ā
A timid knock at the door interrupted your thoughts, fortunately.Ā
"Yeah?"
Heat shuffled in awkwardly.Ā
"Hey, Heat. What's wrong?" You immediately clocked his discomfort.Ā
He seemed to look around to make sure no one else was there.Ā
"It's okay. No one is here." You went to the door to lock it and double checked that the one to Kid's workshop was still locked. "You can tell me." As Heat approached, there was a low humming noise. "What is that noise?"Ā
Heat faced the floor, fidgeting with his hands.Ā
The noise emanated from Heat, specifically his abdomen. Your eyebrows furrowed, as it sounded familiar. When you realized what it was, your eyes went wide and darted to his face. "Heat!? Are you serious?"
"It was an accident. Please don't tell Wire."Ā
"I won't say a word to anyone." You sighed. You didn't have plans to be elbow deep in someone today, but here we were. "There's a few things we can try, but let's start with the easiest."
You had him lean over one of the gurneys and drop his pants while you put gloves on, the long ones. A few other things, like lubricant and a mild analgesic cream, were also grabbed. Hopefully, that was all you needed. If it was further up, you may need to use your fruit. You stood to the side of him.
"Cold hands," you warned as you parted his cheeks enough to put some of the cream on his asshole. Then you lubed up your hand. "I'm gonna need you to relax as much as possible, hun. I'm going to see if I can reach it manually. I may need you to bear down at some points, okay?"
Heat nodded, clearly embarrassed. This is not how he imagined you inside him.Ā
"Tell me if it hurts. Ready?" After another nod, you gently pressed a finger inside him, using the vibrations to guide you. Luckily, the vibrator he used wasn't very far up and he was lubed enough from whatever he had been doing that your finger easily reached the base. Your clean hand rested on Heat's lower back, gently patting him for comfort. "You're doing great. I think I can feel it."Ā
Gently, you retracted your hand enough to add a second finger. You paused as he tensed, waiting for him to relax again before going forward. Holding them in a scissor shape, you grasped the base of the sex toy with your fingers. "Push. Not hard, please." When Heat neared down, the base was pushed more firmly into your grasp and you tugged just enough to make it move. "Keep doing that."Ā
With a soft whimper from Heat and a sloppy, wet noise, the dildo was free. Heat let out a relieved sigh.Ā
"It's a boy!" You said, presenting the lube-covered thing to him, still vibrating. "Good thing it was a skinny one." You turned it off and tossed the thing in the sink. Heat stayed still while you cleaned him up with a warm washcloth. "All done."Ā
Heat pulled up his pants. "Thanks, Doc." His face was red with embarrassment. Half from the incident that had happened and half because he was a little turned on by it. Did he just discover a new kink? Did he like playing doctor? Or maybe he liked seeing you in Wire's clothes.Ā
"What did we learn?"
"Tapered bases are important for a reason."Ā
"If it happens again, I may have to give you a lesson on how to play safely." You winked at him. "Now take your fake dick and scram."
"Sorry, ma'am. Won't happen again." Heat darted from the infirmary, shoving his vibrator in his pocket so no one could see it.
You went back to what you were doing, grateful to have your thoughts filled with wondering how Heat managed to get that stuck up his ass, instead of thinking about real feelings. Mini snorted in a judgy way from her napping spot against the back wall.Ā
"Everyone does it once! Don't bully Heat. That'sĀ myĀ job."Ā
She snorted again and let her head rest on the floor.
Your list was fairly long. You had used up a lot of the supplies on yourself, or they had been used on you when you were incapacitated. You weren't even sure when theĀ VictoriaĀ would docking at an island. If you were on speaking terms with him, you could ask Kid. You could have asked Wire the previous night but you were otherwise occupied. Killer hadn't been around for a minute and certainly, you were not going to ask Heat while you were knuckles deep in him, not that you had thought about it then.Ā
You tapped your foot, staring at a bare corner in the small room. Something could fit there. Now that you knew you could restore things, as long as they weren't rotten to the point of no return, maybe you could start saving spare parts. Kid could build you a fridge no doubt. Killer may even have an old one to spare. You could harvest the more important parts from prisoners and replace them when one of your own crew was injured. You didn't even need a refrigerator technically. You could put everything in formalin like your eye had been in, though it would take a lot more effort to get it in working order. The fridge would be better. A deep freezer could work as well. You would have to test that to see if freezing affected the parts too much.
A metallic, rolling sound caught your attention. You rolled your eyes watching silver nuts and bolts stream across the floor.Ā Not this again.Ā Still, you felt your face get hot. It was the little things like this that made Kid so charming when he waned to be. Per routine, you knelt on the floor, watching them form words and shapes.Ā
COME HERE.
You rearranged them:Ā WHY?
MISS YOU.
More like he missed your pussy. There wasn't enough material to spell that though.Ā AND?
LO-Ā He started to spell something and then the metal bits quickly scattered and rearranged.Ā WANT 2 SEE U.
WHY?Ā You arranged the pieces in reply.Ā
This time you heard muffled yelling from the other side of the door. "OH FER FUCK SAKE, WOMAN!" It was followed by banging on aforementioned door.
"WHY SHOULD I OPEN IT?" You yelled back.
"RAGHHHH." Kid's loud, exasperated yell was followed by stomping footsteps fading away and then getting closer, but in a different place. Kid flung open the actual door to the infirmary.
Startled by the stomping, the dozing boar in the back of the room suddenly became alert and ready to defend her master. Did she "accidentally" mistake Kid for an enemy? Did she have a grudge against Kid in the first place? Had she always wanted to headbutt Kid full force? Either way, Kid was barely one step in before a flash of brownish-red flew by you. You heard a grunt and a whoosh as the force of Mini's head knocked the air from Kid's chest. You took off running after him, realizing a little too late that Kid was flying over the edge of the ship, and you were following him down. Instinct made you chase him. You were completely focused on seeing if he was okay, and not at all focused on where he was headed. You should have been laughing your ass off at the railing watching that dumbass sink until Killer undoubtedly jumped to save him, but no. You cared too much and now you were destined to sink with him.
You saw the water below explode and froth as Kid's broad body hit it. The water swallowing you whole before you could register what was happening. At least you had taken a full breath before you were enveloped by the icy, cold sea. Kid had nothing. When your hand touched something soft, you grabbed onto it and pulled closer, immediately recognizing it. At the same time, something curled around you in an iron grip. The poor visibility in the water made it impossible to see more than a few feet in front of you, and the salt stung your eyes. Still, your mouth found Kid's and you pushed half the air you had into him. Here you were again, always giving him something of yours, trying to prove yourself. His stupid ass better appreciate you giving him a few more minutes to realize that.Ā
Any second now Killer would be yanking you both out. Any second now. Except you were both still sinking.
He was coming to get you both right? What if no one saw you go in? You clung more tightly to Kid's feathered cape and you felt Kid's other arm wrap around you in a protective embrace.
It felt like forever because of the adrenaline. In reality, it was only a few seconds. Your muscles started to burn from the lack of oxygen. Kid grabbed your arm, positioning it in front of you and turning it so the bottom side of your forearm was up. You stared at him, confused. With his other hand he made your head look back down at your arm and gestured for you to watch. With a finger, he wrote across your skin. You could barely see what he was writing, but you could feel it.Ā
S-O-R-R-Y
A mix of emotions flooded you. The first was relief, followed by longing. An apology was all you wanted. The second was anger. Why did it take a life or death situation to spur him on? Then you were guilty. That probably wasn't true. You had been ignoring him and pushing him away. Maybe he intended to say it earlier and you had been too hard-headed to accept that. Lastly, you were scared. What if heĀ wasĀ only saying it because you were near death? Did he know something you didn't? He pulled you back into an embrace, suddenly pushing you away from him after a few long seconds. What was he doing?! You stretched, reaching out for him, and were yanked upward. You tried kicking at whoever was pulling you away, losing some of the air you had left in a flurry of bubbles, but were too weak. You covered your mouth and nose to keep the rest of the air from escaping.
As soon as your head broke the surface of the water, you were coughing and gasping for air. You hadn't even blinked the water from your eyes before you were scanning for anything red in the waves.Ā
"Where's Kid?!"Ā
"Worry about yourself, not your boytoy." Dive's sharp teeth glistened in the sun's rays reflecting off the water as she grinned. She patted your back as a fit of coughing overtook you. "Killer's got him. Don't fret."Ā
With surprising strength, Dive swam with you in tow. Seconds later, there was a disturbance in the water as one blond, albeit under a helmet, and one red head popped up. You held your breath with worry until you heard Kid cough as well. Dive and Killer got you both on deck with the help of the rest of the crew. You and Kid lay flat on your backs trying to catch your breaths. Your hand searched to your side until it found purchase in Kid's. Even though you heard him cough, you were relieved that his hand was warm. At least this time you didn't loss consciousness. You had woken up in this position more times than you cared to remember.
You sat up and Killer helped you to your feet, then thanked Dive before Wire and Heat shooed off the rest of the spectating crew. Heat was still walking funny, but he seemed fine. From the corner of your eye, you noticed Kid glaring in the direction of a very smug-looking pig. You got in the way of his line of sight. You were mad at her, mad wasn't the right word, but would scold her privately. If you did it now, you weren't sure what Kid would do, assuming he was already pissed at the animal. Kid rose from the deck, shaking water from his hair, and walked towards you, meaning to get to Minerva. You backed up, putting yourself between he and Mini. You could forgive the things he did to you, but you would not forgive anything he did to her. Your back touched her as she stood to her full height, fur puffed out, taking a fighting stance against Kid. He similarly made himself look bigger, but you didn't sense malice from him, strangely.Ā
You put a hand out to keep him back. "It was an accident! All your stomping spooked her!"
"YER LUCKY I DON'T BARBECUE YA AND FEED THE CREW TONIGHT FOR THAT STUNT!" He leaned in as if he were gonna growl something to the boar, instead speaking in a hushed normal voice. "That was yer one free shot at me cuz I deserved it." He narrowed his eyes. "I know ya been wantin to do that fer a while, piggy."Ā
Gazing into his amber eyes before they flicked away, you knew that was part of his apology to you, choosing to let the boar's actions go because you loved her and he loved you. He turned to go back to his workshop, with you tailing him.
"Hey! You can't stay in wet clothes! You'll get sick!"Ā
Suddenly your feet weren't touching the ground as Killer plucked you from the deck and followed Kid. "That goes for you, too, little darlin." He grabbed the back of Kid's coat and pulled him below deck with you towards his room.
Killer stripped you both of your wet clothes, though taking a minute to appreciate how good Wire's outfit looked on you. And the two of you were now seated nude at the end of Killer's bed, hands shoved between your legs and heads down with guilt, while he paced back and forth, arms folded over his ample chest. He was deciding which one of you to scold first, not allowing you to put clothes on yet. Ā
"You." He stood at your feet and you reluctantly met his gaze through the holes of his mask. "Are you stupid? Why would you jump in after this big idiot?"
"HEY!" Kid protested.
You covered yourself up to the best of your ability, feeling vulnerable under Killer's gaze. "I didn't mean to. I just..."Ā
"Just what? Hm?" Underlying Killer's stern voice, was a thin layer of exasperation. "I have to worry about him enough. I don't need you adding to it."
"I wasn't thinking! I saw that he got hurt and I went after him!"
"And you didn't see the ocean? The giant blue thing on all sides of us." Killer huffed and carried on. "You come get ME. Understand? What if no one saw you go in? Huh? Then both of you would be lost."
"I..." You snapped. "I only saw Kid okay?! I was scared he was hurt! As much as he irritates the fuck out of me and makes me mad, I still care about him and I can't stop." You saw him grinning stupidly beside you and punched him. "Fuck off. I hate you." You folded your arms tighter and turned away from him so he couldn't see your pink-dusted cheeks, slapping his hand away when he tried to pinch one.Ā
Kid's boisterous laugh filled the room. "HA-HA! YER IN LOVE WITH ME, DUMBASS!"Ā
Killer snapped at him with his fingers. "Hey, numbnuts, look at me." Kid's laugh faded as it was his turn to be scolded. "Stop riling up the pig, first of all. Second of all, stop saying stupid shit. That's what always gets you into trouble. Think for one extra second before you open that big ass mouth of yours."Ā
"FINE." Kid huffed.Ā
"Did you apologize yet?"
You half turned to see what his expression was, seeing him looking at you with a question, and nodded, indicating you accepted his underwater apology.Ā
"Aye."Ā
"Y/N?"
"He did."Ā
"Great." Killer clapped his hands. "Now kiss and make up." Killer turned both of your heads to face each other. "Don't be shy."
You curled your lip and gave Kid a quick peck on the cheek.Ā
"No! Not good enough!" Killer folded his arms. "What's wrong?"Ā
You hesitated. If you were going to get it off your chest, now was the time. You huffed and faced Kid. "I want to know that..." you forced yourself to keep his gaze. "...I'm more than sex."Ā
"Hah?!" Kid had an incredulous expression on his face. "What're ya? Stupid? Course ya are!"
"But you said...as long as I have a pussy-"
Kid put a hand over his face. "Fuck me! That's not what I meant. I was tryin to make ya laugh is all."
"It wasn't funny! I had real fears that...maybe that's all I would be if I couldn't fight."
"Once a Kid Pirate, always a Kid Pirate. We won't abandon ya, even if ya get hurt. Do ya think we would raid a marine base to save ya if ya didn't mean more to us?" Kid continued. "If all I wanted was easy sex, I could grab any random whore from an island."
You hummed in agreement. He had a point.Ā
"And I did. But we made herĀ ourĀ whore." Kid laughed again and you frowned.Ā
"I really don't like you." You rolled your eyes.Ā
"Come on now, doll." Kid wrapped his arms around you and smushed his face into your neck. "What would I do without my Rotten? Right, Kil?"
You tried to squirm out of Kid's overly affectionate hug. You could tell he was laying it on thick to annoy you, smug that he knew you could never really stay mad at him.
Killer sat on the opposite side of you and took one of your hands in his. "Kid isn't good with words. That just how he's always been. Sometimes he says the wrong thing or he doesn't realize what he says can be harsh, but trust me when I say he cares about you. If you're on this ship and a part of the crew, he cares about you."Ā
"Even if ya ever decide ya don't want ta fuck us, yer still a Kid Pirate. I'll still take care of ya." Kid pressed a kiss to your neck. "But IĀ willĀ be sad if ya decide ya don't wanna be my bunny anymore."Ā
"Good?" Killer got up and folded his arms again. "Now kiss." He made a motion of pushing your heads together.Ā
You relented, facing Kid and planting your lips on his. He ran his hands lovingly over your cheeks and into your hair. You pulled back and rested your forehead on his. "I'm sorry for being stubborn. And thank you for not being an asshole to Mini."
"I've never been an asshole in my life. Tell her, Killer."
You rolled your eyes again and sighed, feeling a lot better than you had.
"Next time, because thereĀ willĀ be a next time, we're going to talk about it together instead of you two being nightmares for the entire ship. Deal? Heat is gonna fucking quit if you keep dragging him in."Ā
You and Kid nodded, regretfully.Ā
"Or else you'll get seastone manacled together until you can be nice to each other."
You and Kid glanced at each other, neither exactly opposing that idea.
Killer shook his head and put his hand to his helmet. "Get dry clothes on and get back to work."
You got up and squeezed Killer's midsection. "Sorry for making you worry."
"Aye, sorry."Ā
You were squished as Kid came from behind you to also hug Killer. Your head was being crushed from all sides by four huge manboobs. A much more preferable way to die than drowning. Shockingly, Kid didn't even get a boner. Wondering what was taking so long, you looked up to see Kid planting red lipstick marks all over Killer's helmet. You had no right to be annoyed, happy to see your boys being affectionate with each other. You could stay here a few minutes longer.
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Kid dragged you to his workshop. He was dying to show you something, and that was why he had been pestering you earlier. He wouldn't tell you what it was. Killer was following you quietly. Even he didn't know what it was, though he had a pretty good guess. Kid made you sit while he rummaged around through his things. You weren't sure why he always had to be rummaging. Why wasn't anything organized? This was his space. It wasn't like anyone but him was making a mess.
While you waited, there was a crumpled piece of clothing on the corner of Kid's bench. It was peppered with smeared eyeliner and Kid's red lipstick.Ā A sweat rag?Ā You picked it up, fabric unfolding and revealing black kanji.Ā This is-!Ā You unfolded it in your lap. It was tattered and stained but it was your coat. Your fingers traced over the marks that were clearly left by Kid.Ā
"Was gonna give it back. Meant ta clean it first." Kid was scratching the back of his head, a reddish hue developing on his cheeks.Ā
"You saved it?" You had assumed it was lost when you were taken.Ā
"And this." Kid held your gunblade out in his hands. "Hope ya don't mind, I tweaked it again."
He did more than that. It was shiner that it had ever been, and it was adorned with intricate snake designs that hadn't been there previously. He had taken your criticism from the last time and applied it. Against his professional judgement, he kept it weighted how you liked. You looked from it to your coat. Your stomach clenched with guilt. If you had known he had don't all of this, you wouldn't have questioned his feelings for you. You brought your coat to your face, to cover the emotions that ran through it. Tears threatened to make themselves known.Ā
"Don't ya start being a crybaby on me. Ya won't be able to see the other thing I made ya." Kid pulled your hands away from your face.Ā
You looked into the palm he had held out. It was a small marble-like object. You didn't understand. With the wires attached to it, it sort of resembled... "This is-!" You stood up abruptly and took it from Kid's palm. Inspecting it further, there was no doubt that it was a replica of your eye. "Kid!"Ā
"Wanna try it?" Kid offered, cheeks radiating with blush. "Just... Don't be upset. It may not work initially. I haven't gotten to test it or-"
"Shut up! Of course it will work! You made it!" You looked at it and gave it back to him. "How do we do it?"
Kid pointed to an open book on his desk, one of the medical reference books that had been in the infirmary. You noticed it was gone, but thought Pomp, UK, and Reck had taken it again to look at the naked anatomical pictures. He explained where the wires should connect and that he could get them there, you would just have to use your fruit to make that possible. You did it with on eye. This wasn't that different. This one had been gone much longer though, and your brain had grown accustomed to not having it, so the neural pathways may be altered. You studied the diagrams for a few minutes and talked it over with Kid. Then, you sat back down and tilted your head back to rest on the bench top.Ā
"Killer, do you mind holding my head still? I don't know what this will be like."
Killer put both hands on either side of your head and you held the eyelids open for Kid to place the mechanical eye into. It sat in the socket well enough, but now the connections had to be made. You and Kid had to work in tandem to put everything in place. With the flesh eye, you could sort of control the things around it. This was metal, therefore Kid needed to direct it. You probably could have, but he had far better control over it. A jolt went through your body as one of the wires strayed from the correct path.
"Fuck!" Kid flinched, trying to stay concentrated.Ā
"It's okay. Keep going." You held onto his arm to support him.Ā
Killer watched, mesmerized by the dancing purple electricity melding with the soft yellow-tinged glow, each devil fruit power working as one. He held your head still, periodically feeling twitches and seeing your face wince.Ā
Kid pulled his hand away as a spark jumped to his metal finger. "Can ya see?"
The eye made a few jerky, mechanical movements, not quite in synch with your body. "No." You tried to hid the disappointment in your voice.Ā
"Hold on." Kid made some minor adjustments, looking back at the textbook for confirmation. "Try again."
This time the movement was much smoother, though still no vision. "Still no." You sighed. Maybe the problem was on your end. "Let me try."Ā
The best way to figure out the issue was to compare it to the working side. You couldn't see into your own brain but you could feel what was there, in a weird way. Everything was connected properly, the issue was that the path of the wires had missed a stop. Both eyes were being used by the same half of the brain. Kid didn't realize that the optic nerve was meant to cross to the other side. The right eye went to the left side and the left eye went to the right, give or take a few nerve fibers. Very carefully, you brought the necessary connections through the chiasm, nerves intertwining with the mechanical fibers. The small metal pistons that acted as muscles worked fine, they needed time to attune to your control so they would move more fluidly, but you could deal with that.Ā
You cracked the smallest opening in your eyelids, afraid that it wouldn't work, and saw a sliver of light through both.Ā BOTH!Ā They opened the rest of the way and you sat bolt upright, taking in everything around you, everything that seemed so much brighter and vibrant. Your eyes darted around the room.Ā How will the ocean look? The ocean! I have to see theĀ ocean!Ā You were caught by strong hands before you could run out the door.Ā
"Whoa! Can you see? Everything ok?" Killer looked down at you, holding your shoulders tight.Ā
You pulled him down by the helmet, too fast, almost knocking yourself out, but you had to see. You had to see his blue eyes. How much of the blue had you been missing? You brought your new eye up to one of his eye holes, trying to get a glimpse. Even in the shade of his helmet, you could see glimmering blue. You released him and he did the same. You looked around the room frenetically for Kid, running to him and yanking him by the shirt until his face was at your level. You held his face between your hands looking at every freckle in new detail. And his eyes! They weren't only amber, but orange and golden, too. There was nuance that you had missed before.
"Holy shit." You breathed. You clapped Kid's head between your hands, slapping his cheeks. "I can see, you baby back bastard! You son of a bitch!" You shook his head in your grip and hugged it. "You fucking did it!" Remembering that you wanted to see the ocean, you practically threw him away from you and zipped out the workshop door.Ā
Killer allowed himself to chuckle. "Baby back bastard? That's new."
Kid's chest was puffed out and he had his signature grin plastered on his face, framed by two small, red handprints from where you slapped him. He was virtually levitating with how much pride was radiating from him. "Of course I fuckin did it. I'm me!"Ā
They followed you out, seeing you bent over the railing with your eyes as close to the water as possible without falling in again. Killer grabbed your waistband, sighing. He didn't want to spoil your good time by reprimanding you.Ā
"It's so fucking blue! Have you seen this shit?!" Suddenly, numbers popped into your vision, scaring you so badly that you jumped back. "What the fuck!?" You swatted at the air where they appeared to be.Ā
"Ya didn't give me time to explain all the features," Kid said, preventing you from falling backwards.
"Features?"
He laughed. "Ya didn't think I was gonna give ya some dumbass plain eyeball, did ya?" Kid handed you your gunblade. "Here. Point this at somethin random."Ā
You did as he said, pointing it at the deck some distance away from you. The numbers popped back into your vision, changing depending on where your gun was pointed. When you lingered, crosshairs also flickered into view. "No fucking way."
"That's not all. Look here." Kid pointed to the pulse point in his wrist.Ā
You holstered your weapon and the display vanished from your sight. Staring at his wrist, a new set of numbers came into view, numbers you recognized as heart rate. You flung yourself at Kid, throwing both arms around him. You released one to reach for Killer, who gladly accepted your hand. At the moment, you had no words. Kid gave you something that you hadn't had in years. You took it back, the thing about always being the one to give. Kid gave, too. It was simply a different kind of giving. You pulled your face out of his cleavage, this time not trying to hold back tears.Ā
"Thank you, Kid! Thank you. Thank you! It's so beautiful. Everything is so beautiful!"Ā
"Wait until you look in a mirror," Killer added. He didn't mean for it to be cheesy. He only noticed how you were so excited to see everything, you forgot about yourself.
"Now that's an idea!" You ran into the infirmary bathroom where the nearest mirror happened to be.Ā
Killer gazed at you adoringly as you saw your own face. Finally, you could learn to appreciate what they had noticed a long time ago.Ā
It had been some time since you had seen yourself this clearly. Part of you thought you would be disgusted by the scarring on your face, but that wasn't so. It reminded you of how much it took to get to this point. You traced the semi-circle of a scar that went through your old right eye, then the outline of where the acid had melted your skin. It held all of your anguish, but your triumphs as well. Where some might see a disfigurement, there was only strength. You stared at one eye and then the next. They were exactly alike. How Kid managed to get it to match that well, you didn't know. Maybe you did. He always seemed to be watching you, though maybe it wasn't watching so much as it was looking. Kid's eyes followed you all the time. Had he had memorized the details? But why would he?Ā
You ran back to Kid, stopping briefly to plant a kiss on Killer, who was kind enough to bend down for you. You did a running jump at Kid, which he, thankfully, was prepared for, lest you both fall int the ocean again. Kid caught you as flew at him. "Ha-ha! You stupid fuck! You love me back!"Ā
Tag list: @bbnbhm @nocturnalrorobin @wgwingguns
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Here is #6 from the photo game!
Warnings: Swearing, hints of cheating, anxiety, depression
A relaxing weekend spent at a cabin with your boyfriend sounded like an amazing idea at the time. No distractions, no work, just you and Yoongi spending a few days together. The fall time was the busiest time of the year thanks to the leaves changing and the brisk air making cuddling by the fireplace more desirable. To make sure you got the reservation and to get the best deal you booked the cabin six months in advance.
Then life happened and you and Yoongi got in an argument. It wasnāt anything new. You two had been together for four years and had arguments every now and then like any couple. You could tell something was different this time though. He seemed angrier, less willing to communicate and more closed off. You walked into the bedroom to give each other some space expecting to work things out later. Ten minutes went by and Yoongi walked in with red eyes and his cheeks soaked with tears.
āIām sorry Y/N, I canāt do this any more.ā, he whispered before shoving some of his clothes in a bag and running out the door. That was two months ago and you havenāt spoken since.
āY/N you should go on the trip. Take a relaxing weekend for yourself. You deserve it.ā, your best friend said over dinner.
The romantic trip you had planned with Yoongi was coming up. After all that happened you had forgotten to cancel it before the required date and now it was too late. The trip was non-refundable at this point. You thought about just loosing out but it was a lot of money.
āI donāt know. I wish you were available to go with me. Isnāt it kind of weird to go alone? Yoongi also helped pay so I donāt really think itās fair for only me to go and even worse what if he shows up?ā, you questioned.
āY/N first off you paid for half the trip too so itās just as much yours as it is his. Secondly I really doubt he even remembers itās coming up. He looks pretty busy right now anyways.ā
You followed her line of sight until your stomach dropped at what you saw. While you were barely able to function the last couple months Yoongi appeared to happily be on a date with another woman across the restaurant like he had moved on with no issue.
āHow could he move on from me so fast?ā, you asked rhetorically.
Your friend shrugged, āMaybe heās known her for a while. He couldāve been cheating on you for all we know.ā
āNo he wouldnāt have done that to me. He wouldnāt have cheated.ā
āI wouldnāt be so sure about that.ā, she said pointing over in Yoongiās direction. The woman he was with had turned around to grab her bag and you gasped, āNari?ā
You bit your lip trying not to cry. Nari was a producer that worked for the same company as Yoongi. She made you feel really insecure from the moment you met her. She was beautiful and smart and funny and worked as a producer just like Yoongi so they had a lot in common. You were suspicious from the first time you met her. It definitely crossed your mind a few times that maybe he liked her more than he lead on. He assured you over and over that she was nothing more than a coworker though and that you had absolutely nothing to worry about. You believed him. And now here he was staring into her eyes just two short months after breaking your heart into a million pieces. You started to wonder if maybe he really had been cheating on you that whole time. Your sadness and hurt began to change to anger the more you pondered that.
Suddenly you stood up grabbing your things. āWhere are you going?ā, your friend questioned confused.
āHome. Iāve got a trip to pack for.ā, you gritted through your teeth.
The drive up the mountain to your cabin was a little scarier than you expected. You took your bag out of the back seat and entered in the code that the rental company had given you to gain access to the front door.
The cabin was adorable and you were really happy with your choice. It was tiny but enough for two people and more than enough for just one. The bedroom and the bathroom were at the back of the cabin and after your long stressful drive you wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and lay in bed and relax for a while before dinner.
You were drying your hair after your shower when you heard the front door open and shut followed by some jingling keys. Immediately you went into panic mode. You were alone in a cabin in the middle of the mountains. You couldnāt run anywhere and no one would hear you scream. You grabbed the fire poker from the bedroom fire place to use as a weapon and then slowly tiptoed down the hall ready to fight whomever was entering the cabin.
āWhat are you doing here?ā, a deep familiar voice asked before you could speak. āMe?! What are you doing here?ā, you spat back at Yoongi who was glaring at you.
For a brief moment you were a little relieved to see him and not a serial killer ready to claim their next victim but that relief was quickly replaced with anger.
āSeriously Yoongi, why are you here?ā
Suddenly it hit you, what if he was here with Nari? Like what if he brought her here to enjoy the romantic couples trip you had planned for the two of you. You felt sick at the thought.
āI paid for half of this trip too. I need some time alone so I can work and get some stuff done.ā
āWhat too many ādistractionsā at home?ā, you rolled your eyes immediately thinking about him and another woman.
āYeah actually there are. Not that itās any of your business.ā, he clapped back.
That hurt and your angry confidence faltered. Your lip began to quiver. You knew you needed to get away from him before he could see you cry.
āFine. Do what you want. Iāll be in the bedroom.ā, you said storming off and slamming the door shut behind you.
When you woke up the room was completely dark. The curtains were still open and it was clearly the middle of the night. You didnāt mean to cry yourself to sleep but you mustāve been more exhausted than you thought.
You were stretching out on the bed when your stomach started to rumble reminding you that you hadnāt eaten since the morning. Slowly cracking open the bedroom door you were met with silent darkness. Maybe you got lucky and Yoongi decided to go back home. That would be ideal you thought.
You tiptoed down the hall only to be met with the sound of soft snores coming from the couch. You peaked over finding Yoongi sound asleep all wrapped up in a blanket. He looked so cuddly and warm and you missed falling asleep with his arms wrapped around you.
Thankfully your stomach grumbled again getting you back on the right track. Yoongi was not yours to cuddle any more anyways.
The kitchen was small but livable. As quietly as possible you poked around hoping to find something you could quickly turn into a meal. Unfortunately thanks to the events earlier you didnāt even think to go to the grocery store to stock up so the kitchen was bare. You chugged a large glass of water hoping it would hold you over a few more hours until you could go get breakfast somewhere.
You turned to rinse out your glass when you saw a note sitting on the counter. The handwriting familiar,
āPizza in the fridge. Promise I didnāt poison it. Just didnāt want to wake you. -Yoongi.ā
You wanted to cry. You wanted to be angry. You wanted to run into the living room and hug him. But instead you chose to just take a slice of pizza, conveniently with your favorite toppings which only made you want to cry more, and headed back to your room to hideout until the morning.
Somehow you managed to doze off again for another few hours. The bright sun shining through the crack in your curtains waking you up this time. You got ready for the day, putting a little more effort into your appearance than you had for the last couple months. You kept telling yourself it had absolutely nothing to do with Yoongi.
The kitchen was filled with the scent of pepperoni and garlic. Just as you walked in Yoongi was pulling what was left of the pizza out of the oven.
āThis will have to do for breakfast. Weāll have to go into town and get some groceries.ā, he said when he noticed you.
āOh if you want to make a list I can just go. You said you had a lot of work to do.ā, you replied wanting to avoid having to spend so much time with him.
But he shook his head, āIt rained quite a bit last night. The roads might be rough. Weāll go together.ā
You knew there was no use in arguing with him and maybe a small part of your heart warmed up at the thought that he still worried about you like that.
āOkay. We can leave after breakfast.ā, you nodded.
The drive into town was silent and uneventful. The little town was cute to say the least. You even took note of the realty company there because you wouldnāt mind moving there some day.
At the grocery store you both quickly gathered what you needed. Mostly snacks since you were only there for one more night. You grabbed some fruit and a giant tub of ice cream. Yoongi grabbed a six pack and some instant noodles.
He surprised you when he suggested you both stop for lunch. You really wanted to say no but he was driving so you didnāt have much of choice anyways. You ended up at a quaint little cafe. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming even though the tension between you and Yoongi was ice cold.
You were sat on the back patio over looking the beautiful fall foliage. Several outdoor fire pits provided more than enough warmth.
āSo how have you been?ā, Yoongi awkwardly asked.
āFine I guess. Not as good as you apparently.ā, you replied harsher than you meant to.
āWhat is that supposed to mean?ā, he asked confused.
You went to apologize but were interrupted.
āAlright did you two decide what youāre having today?ā, the waiter Jin asked.
āUh yeah just the classic burger for me.ā, Yoongi replied.
āThe harvest soup please.ā, you said handing him your menu.
After he walked away the tension between you both was thicker than before.
You realized that Yoongi had been kind through the whole trip. Saving pizza for you, sleeping on the couch without argument so you could have the bed, heating up breakfast, taking you into town and paying for the groceries, now taking you to a nice cafe and trying to have a civil conversation. You realized you had been the one making things difficult.
āHey Yoongi Iām sorry about what I sa-ā, you began but his phone started ringing. He took it out of his pocket and you felt your blood boil when you saw the contact name flashing on the screen, Nari.
āSorry Y/N. I have to take this.ā, he said walking away from the table.
āOf course.ā, you scoffed thankful that you didnāt fully apologize yet.
Feeling anxious and not wanting to just sit there any more you walked over to the balcony so you could look out over the property.
āTheyāre beautiful arenāt they?ā, a guy said next to you. He pointed out to the field after noticing your confusion, āThe trees.ā
āOh yeah. Theyāre gorgeous.ā, you chuckled.
āTheyāre tulip trees. Theyāre even more beautiful when they bloom in the spring.ā, he said, āIām Namjoon by the way.ā
He smiled flashing you the prettiest dimples youād ever seen.
āY/Nā, you said, āMaybe Iāll have to come back in the spring to see them in bloom. That sounds quite nice actually.ā
āOh youāre not a local?ā, he asked, āYou knowā¦ if you want I could show you around the town a little.ā
āIād like that, but Iām just here on a little weekend trip. I leave tomorrow.ā
āOh Uhh are you here on a trip with your boyfriend?ā
Your brows furrowed, āWhat? No I donāt have a boyfriend.ā
Namjoon awkwardly chuckled, āWell um does that guy know that because heās currently staring at us like he wants to kill me?ā
You looked where he was pointing to see Yoongi standing there. His hands in his pockets while he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. And he was in fact staring daggers at you. You knew just from that look that he was furious.
āDonāt worry. Heās just a complicated friend thing personā¦.ā, you cringed.
āOkay well if you want to give me call Iād be happy to show you around. Maybe donāt bring your friend thing though.ā, he laughed handing you his number.
You walked back to the table just as Jin dropped off your meals. You both ate in silence and that carried over to the drive back to the cabin too.
Once the groceries were unloaded Yoongi grabbed his headphones and laptop and went out to the back deck without a word.
You stood and watched him work for a while. The Yoongi that you knew all these years would never just give you the silent treatment. He discussed what was bothering him so that you could work together to solve it.
He answered another phone call. You figured it was Nari again so you walked away to give him some privacy.
You had just finished plating up dinner when Yoongi came walking back inside. He eyed the food and then you. āWe didnāt have much to make a big meal but I put together what I could.ā, you said shifting awkwardly under his gaze.
āNot hungry.ā, he scoffed before turning to walk back outside.
āSeriously Yoongi, what the fuck is your problem?ā
He stopped and turned to look at you, āI donāt have a problem. Why donāt you go out and have a nice dinner with your little friend you met earlier.ā
You hated that you could feel tears already begin to form, āYouāre one to talk.ā
With three long strides he was right in front of you giving you somewhat of a startle, āMe? I havenāt done anything other than be a heartbroken mess these last two months without you but the minute a cute guy flirts with you then youāre practically trying to fuck him right there.ā
You stared at him in disbelief. Your heart rate was skyrocketing. From his pocket you could hear his phone ringing again and it all came back to you.
āAt least I waited until you broke up with me. You are the asshole who was cheating on me the whole time.ā, you whispered as the realization of your words hit you. Tears began freely falling as you turned and ran back into the bedroom closing the door behind you.
You never expected that this trip would be filled with so much crying and hurt. It was supposed to be relaxing and fun.
You waited a while until you had calmed down and then decided you werenāt spending another night in the same cabin with Yoongi so you grabbed your bag and packed up your clothes. You did a double check making sure you had everything and with your car keys in hand you pulled open the bedroom door only to hear a loud thud followed by a groan.
Quickly you found the hall light switch flipping it on only to find a very buzzed Yoongi rolling around on the floor. The six pack he had gotten at the store now empty and tossed around him.
āY/N please donāt leave. I need you.ā, he slurred.
You looked over his face. He looked just as bad as you did if not worse. Clearly he had been crying. His nose was bright red and his eyes still teary.
āCome on. Letās get you to bed.ā, you sighed while helping him up thankful you talked him out of the twelve pack.
Worried that he would roll off the couch you decided to let him have the bed. You were leaving anyways so it didnāt matter. Once he was all tucked in you tried once again to leave but he grabbed your wrist, āY/N you canāt leave. I already lost you once and I canātā¦I canāt do it again.ā
He started to cry. You started to cry. You agreed to stay.
When you woke up the next morning Yoongi was already staring at you.
āI never cheated on you with Nari. I know thatās what you think happened.ā, he said getting right to the point like the Yoongi you knew.
You stared at him in silence. Your throat was sore and your head hurt from all the crying.
He took a deep breath before continuing, āY/N, I broke up with you because thatās what I thought was best for you. Just itās just that the last couple months I felt like I was drowning. Work was piling up, I was spending less and less time with you. My mental and physical health were deteriorating. I saw how worried you were about me. I saw how sad you were. How tired you were. All because of me. And then I had a realization that I didnāt bring anything positive to our relationship. So when we got into that fight I saw it as my way to get you out of this. To free you from me.ā
He paused for a second. He used his thumb to wipe away some of your tears that you hadnāt even realized were there again.
āBut after we broke up I realized how much you held me together. I couldnāt function without you but every time Iād pick up my phone to call you or every time Iād stand outside your door ready to knock I would remind myself that this was whatās best for you. You wouldnāt be able to live your life if I was there dragging you down. But Iāve been a complete mess since that night. I couldnāt eat, couldnāt sleep. My work was slipping so bad and thatās why I had that dinner with Nari. The one you saw me at. Sheās a head producer now and technically my boss. She told me that if I didnāt get my shit together that they would have to terminate my contract. Thatās why she keeps calling me, to check in and see how my progress is coming along. And Iām sorry about what I said about you and that guy. If you want to go out with him itās none of my business. Iāll work through my feelings alone.ā
You sat for a moment trying to process everything that you just heard because you had no idea that he was feeling that way.
āYoongi Iām sorry that you felt like that but you donāt get to make that decision for me. I would go to hell and back for you and with you. Part of being in a relationship is being there through not only the good times but the difficult ones too.ā
After you heard sniffles coming from next to you, you noticed that he was crying. You pulled him into your lap which he happily allowed wrapping his arms around you and pulling himself as flush against you as he could. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your next to soothe himself.
āIām so sorry Y/N. I never meant to hurt you. I actually wanted was trying to do the opposite.ā, he spoke through sobs.
āShhh shhh I know. We can talk more about it later.ā
And you did have a long discussion about all of the events that lead up to that moment. It was much needed and helped you both to open up and put all of your feelings out there.
You agreed to take things slow but you spent the rest of the day happily wrapped in each others arms by the fireplace just like you had originally planned .
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I saw that you said your asks are open so, what kind on kinks do you think Cassandra Nova has?
ft. cassandra nova x f! reader ā marvel
ā°āā§ kinks i think she would haveā0.9k words
contains: smut!! dom cass & sub readerālook at the warnings for the short version & the keep reading for details, master/pet dynamic, dollification, power imbalance, bratting/brat-taming, dacryphilia, overstim/edging, bondage & blindfolds, corruption kink, dumbification, exhibitonism, marking
ā¤ author's note: OOHHOO IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED ANON, I THINK SHES A FREAk
this is just a list of the major ones, but iām a firm believer that sheās open to trying anything at least once as long as youāre open to trying them out with her!
āāā .Ā°Ėā§ master/pet & dollification Ėā ā¹
ā°āā§ she is the one who rules the void, the empress who youāll inevitably work for if you want to survive, of course, she would love to have a pretty little thing like you at her knees to spoil while running the land. someone as adorable as you would be much more useful entertaining her and keeping her company rather than acting as one of her minions, and youāre more than happy to be the eye candy she keeps by her side who eagerly answers to her every beck and call with a bright smile. the power imbalance with you is different than the ones with her minions, more intoxicatingly dizzy knowing she has complete and utter control over you.
ā°āā§ as a reward, she likes to pamper you with all the fine things she could get her hands on: feeding you fruits and sweets, dressing you up in lace skirts, tying ribbons into your hairs, maybe even applying rose tints on your lipsā most of the nice things that are impossible to find or cultivate in this wasteland are presented to her, but she always ends up gifting them to you since she has no other use for such opulence aside from spoiling her pet.
āāā .Ā°Ėā§ bratting/brat-taming & dacryphilia Ėā ā¹
ā°āā§ despite how much she loves to indulge you in luxury when youāre good for her, she also loves it when you give her a bit of a challenge even though it all ends the same way with you whimpering out an apology under her. sheāll tie you up so tightly that you could hardly even squirm with a blindfold as she either overstimulates or edges you until you cry, choking out whiny little sorries with tears streaking down your face. the contrast between how you were just pouting and digging your heels into the ground a few minutes ago versus now when youāre begging for relief and moaning her name like a prayer is such a turn-on for her.
ā°āā§ possibly an unpopular opinion, but i donāt think her sadistic and apathetic personality would apply here. yes, she likes seeing you cry, but only from pleasure and not from pain. thereās a safe word in place in case itās too much for you, and she listens to you about what you like and donāt like.Ā
āāā .Ā°Ėā§ corruption kink & dumbification Ėā ā¹
ā°āā§ she likes being your first, whether itās the first person youāve been intimate with, the first time youāve had such a mind-blowing orgasm, the first time you tried out a kink which quickly became your favoriteā she believes it makes her more memorable to you, but letās be honest, itās impossible to forget a woman as extraordinary as her. slowly, youāll find yourself being more depraved and more needy after your first time together, begging for her attention so sweetly just as she planned. it sounds wrong to be purposely tainting your innocence, but itās not like it was something that was going to stay for very long if you wanted to maintain this relationship.
ā°āā§ after a while, you start thinking with your pussy more than your brain since youāre so understimulated with how busy cassandra can be and her refusal to let you get your hands dirty. reading the same books, watching poor-quality noir dramas on a barely working television, and playing with yourself in an attempt to achieve the same effect she had could only entertain you so much. when she finally comes back to you, she always fucks the boredom out of you until your eyes are rolling back and you canāt think about anything but the buzzing euphoria. she loves how dumb you go on her fingers or mouth and canāt say anything aside from useless little mewls and she coos that itās okay and sheās got you.Ā
āāā .Ā°Ėā§ exhibitonism & marking Ėā ā¹
ā°āā§ of course, when youāre always by her side and dolled up like a princess, itās inevitable for there to be some wandering gazes which are more leering than anything. although she knows you only have eyes for her and that none of them could take care of you like she did, sheās a possessive person. whatās hers is hers and she would like to keep it that way (whatās theirs is also hers, thatās just how it works around here).Ā
ā°āā§ to prevent anyone from getting any ideas, sheāll leave hickeys all along your neck and upper chest to show that youāre taken (sheāll even go as far as to have her name tattooed on your skin if youāre okay with it). also has a tendency to have sex with you in places where she knows other people will hear you screaming her name over and over again, you donāt know about this because youāre more shy and your try to muffle yourself if you did, but sheās shameless about her sex life and very proud to be the one fucking the prettiest girl in the void.
ā°āā§ (also, if anyone had the gall to flirt with you or something and she found out, best believe that they are going to be doing the most tediously difficult tasks available. or worse, she can be very creative with punishments.)
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your comic about nari cooking made me wonder
if narinder were to surprise heket with some food would she eat it and start sobbing
I DONT THink Narinder would be the type to make gifts out of the blue, especially to his grumpy sister š
BUT, let a scenario come and lead him to being compelled in making her a dish, I dont think she would cry, but rather feel- nostalgic. Missing the times where she didnt resent him so much and had all the chances to taste his meals back in the day. Same thing for him
Ofc tho, none of them would say a thing </3
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āand if i only could, iād make a deal with god, and iād get him to swap our places. .ā ā kate bush
āšš šššš. gojo satoru x wife!reader. fluff to angst (no comfort). spoilers chapter 261. readerās pregnant. major character death. mentions of blood, death. nicknames āpretty, sweetsā. not proofread bcs i couldn't through the tears. i cried nine times writing this so.. good luck! wc: 3.6k
āheās kicking again,ā satoru chuckles excitedly. heās been clinging onto you ever since you got back from your doctorās appointment. your baby boy is growing up healthy and there donāt seem to be any complications.
you smile and rest back against the velvety pillows. youāre enjoying the affection youāre receiving, the kisses and nuzzles against your swollen tummy makes every bit of suffering worth it. your husband is going to be an amazing dad, that you can tell.
āhey, little guyādonāt give ya mommy a tough time,ā satoru huffs and gently taps the side of your stomach that was last kicked by the unborn baby, āthatās my wife, yāknow?ā you giggle at the scene in front of you and close your eyes, relaxing your body.
a comfortable silence hangs in the room. satoruās warm hands cupping and rubbing your round stomach add to the tranquil atmosphere. the weight of your husbandās head presses onto the front of your plump bellyāear pressed against the stretched skin as if expecting to hear your baby boy talk.
after a while, you open your eyes. you hear a sniff and then the usual silence follows. you look down at satoru settled between your legs, hugging your waist and resting his cheek on your tummy. heās awfully quiet and youāre unable to see his eyes because of his bangs.
ātoru, everything okay?ā you carefully ask. your voice comforts him for the next couple seconds, before his muscles tense up once more. satoru tries his best to seem unaffected by the many thoughts scurrying through his head.
āmhm,ā your husband nods and forces a small smile. though, he canāt keep the facade up any longer. the longer youāre pregnant, the more worried he gets about a certain something; something thatās been bothering him ever since.
itās the reason why he doubted even having kids in the first place.
āiāwell. i donāt know, sweets,ā satoru sighs. a deep sigh that shatters the mask heās had on for so long. his brows furrow and his eyes dart from one place to the other. his fingers stop their movements on your stomach. they curl around the material of your shirt instead; showing a clear sense of vulnerability.
satoru seems. . . afraid, yet also angry. perhaps at himself, perhaps at the world. you donāt utter a single word. if thereās anything you want, itās for your husband to speak about his inner turmoil freely. youāre the only person who he can have such emotional conversations withāthe only person he can be himself with.
the real gojo satoru.
not the strongest.
thatās why youāre not surprised when satoru opens his mouth to confess the inevitable to you. āiām scared,ā his voice cracks. itās a faint change in tone, but it is noticeable to you. youāve been his lover for long enough to notice every minuscule thing.
the white-haired man lets out another sigh. you brush his soft bangs out of his eyes and instantly notice the sudden weariness in them. normally, those beautiful blue eyes shine brightly, yet that light has now dimmed.
you pat his head and satoru immediately leans into your touch. you allow him to process his own emotions and words before speaking up.
āscared?ā you ask quietly and carefully, giving your husband space to explain.
satoru nods. there are a thousand thoughts running through his mind. all those thoughts heās tried to suppress since the day youāve announced your pregnancy. maybe even before thatāat the day of your wedding.
heās sat down with you a few months into the marriage, to have the talk about kids. he seemed to be delighted to have children with you, however there have always been some dark and hidden thoughts lingering in the back of his mind.
the sorcerer has chosen to ignore them for the longest time. heās been trying to convince himself that he has nothing to worry about. youāre going to be fantastic parents and your children are going to be extremely loved.
the day you surprised him with your pregnancy, was like a dream. satoru cried - which he rarely does - so it was an emotional night for both of you. neither of you could wait to meet your childāhappy with whatever gender.
despite all of the optimism and enthusiasm, satoruās struggles with his inner thoughts have not yet ended. he doesnāt want to bother you with it. you seem so content and he does not want to ruin that at all.
but even the strongest without limits has to reach a breaking point.
āyeah,ā satoru speaks up, his voice hoarse. he kisses your belly button, hoping his child doesnāt pick up on his distress somehow. your husband closes his eyes as he places his forehead against your tummy, praying that the heavens above hear his pleas, āi donāt want our kid to inherit my cursed techniques. at all.ā
your hand doesnāt stop stroking satoruās hair. you donāt flinch at his words, nor do you immediately discard his worries. in all honestly, youāve shared the same feelings before getting pregnant.
you know how satoruās treated by the jujutsu society. itās dehumanising how heās seen as a weapon of some sorts. a weapon that could solve all problemsāone that cannot rest until its duty is done.
you despise it. youāve told satoru about your hatred for the toxic society, even going as far as asking him to move to a different country without telling anyone. youāre sick and tired. you canāt recall the amount of times that youāve cried alone, in the bathroom, after youāve seen the state your lover comes back home in.
the white-haired man always seems so tired. his eyes and head hurt because of them overusing his cursed techniques. there are even days where satoru doesnāt put his blindfold or sunglasses off at home.
and when you try to talk to him about it, satoru simply assures you that āheāll be fineā. you believe him in the moment, but you donāt know for how long youāll be able to keep that trust.
youāre letting him break, slowly yet surely, right in front of you. heās working himself to his demise. itās nothing out of the ordinary to not want the same for your child.
though, youāre sure that itāll be fine even if your baby boy inherits satoruās techniques. thatās because you two are going to protect him with all you have. no one is going to treat your child like a weaponānot while the both of you are still alive.
āi donāt want our child to take over the burden i carry,ā satoru continues. his brows are furrowed and his lips are pressed into a thin line. heās already thinking about all the possibilities that can follow with the birth of your son.
he can hide his child from the world, but wouldnāt that be too restrictive? he can keep an eye on him every second of the day, but wouldnāt that be overprotective?
you notice satoruās internal state of panic increasing, so you quickly cup his face. you lean down and press a firm kiss against his lips, to which he instantly responds. his breath hitches and he sits up on the mattress, deepening the kiss as his hands hold you by the back of your head.
he needs thisāyouāmore than anything else in the world. if it wasnāt for you, heād have lost his sanity long ago.
you pull back after a good minute and pant. you chuckle as you notice the slight pout on satoruās lips. he never seems satisfied with just one kiss, which is adorable. you coo and pepper his face with small pecks, āaww.ā
itās comforting to the sorcerer. he closes his eyes and his mouth forms a small smile. youāre doing an amazing job at calming him down. satoruās muscles relax and he finds himself nestled between your legs soon enough.
you realise that heās still somewhat afraid for the future of his child by the way heās playing with your shirt. his head lays on your chest and his long fingers trace shapes on your exposed skin.
āi know, honey, i know,ā you murmur against the top of his head. you massage satoruās scalp gently, nearly making him purr because of how incredible that feels. you stare at the ceiling and continue your little talk.
āiāve thought about all of it too,ā your fingers find his undercut, playing with the little hairs. all you can hope for is that your partner stresses less about the outcome of your pregnancy.
if you can do one thing for him, itād be that. reassuring him that youāll both do your best for your child will surely put him at ease. your husband has enough to worry about anyway.
you want to share that burden. you donāt want him to carry the world on his shoulders aloneāheās got you for that now.
ābut i think that our son will be fine. why? because heās got you,ā you smile and kiss satoruās forehead. itās his favorite type of kiss and it works wonders when you comfort him. his ocean eyes regain their sparkle, both because of your unconditional love and trust in his parenting skills, āour boy will grow up fine and protected because heās got you as his amazing dad, yeah?ā
satoru takes some time to let your words sink in. your trust in him is a beautiful thing. of course, heāll protect his kid no matter what. both you and his kid will be safe for as long as heās alive. youāre going to be a happy familyāone that heās always dreamed of having.
he isnāt going to raise his child to be the strongest. he isnāt going to raise his child as an heir to the throne. he isnāt going to raise his child as his legacy. he isnāt going to raise his child as a tool.
his son will have a normal childhood and he will guarantee that. satoru will give his kid what he didnāt have as a child himself;
unconditional love and support for whatever his son wishes to become.
satoru raises his head and leans in to kiss you, hugging you to himself. he adores you so much, youāre all he needs to feel like he can do anything and everything all at once.
carrying the world on his shoulders so you can live peacefully in it is all satoru does it for.
āheh, damn right. iāll be the best husband and dad ever.ā
. . .
but in the end, your dreams are just dreams, right?
an escape from reality, thatās all dreams really are. all those times youāve sat together to pick the furniture you want to place in the nursery, to paint the room a baby blue, to buy clothes and toys, diapers and carriers, to giggle about the places you would love to visit as a family, to think about possible baby names, to joke about whether your son will say ādadaā or āmamaā first ā all of it were naive, hopeful dreams.
perhaps you were too caught up in them to realise that reality will hit when least expected.
satoru and you have lived in your own bubbleāyour own little fantasy world where tragic fates does not exist. no one in this planet would suffer if life worked that way.
no one on this planet would have to pick up the phone and have their world shatter, their dream bubble pop. to have all hope lost in the span of a second.
grief is a scary thing. itās devastating and it will consume you whole. you donāt realise that until you experience it firsthand. losing someone close to you will break you in half. itās a punch to the gut.
especially if itās your husband. someone you considered your partnerāwhoās promised you to be together forever. maybe those promises were also a part of your fantasy.
maybe they were also but a beautiful lie.
your footsteps feel heavy. you donāt have any energy left in you. every drop has been drained from you the moment you heard the news over the phone. your eyes and head hurt, both feeling like theyāre going to burst. you donāt want to accept any of this.
the faces of the people around you are a blur. theyāre all holding their head low, their hands gathered in front of them to show respect. no one speaksāall the room is filled with are your sobs. the loud cries you let out in hopes that they wake you up from this absolute nightmare.
you drag your feet to the examination table in the middle of the room. tears continue to blur your vision, though surely, you can confirm the outline of the body laying underneath the blanket.
how could you not recognise the person you thought youād spend eternity with?
itās unfair. itās unfair. itās unfair. itās unfair. itās unfair. itās unfair. itās unfair. itās unfair. itās unfair. itās unfair. . .
āsatoru.ā your voice is barely audible. your hands are shaking and your face is stained with endless streams of tears. you stand at the side of the table and you instantly curl your fingers around the edge.
seeing that face from up close hits different. usually, itād have your stomach fill with a feeling of delight, yet now all you feel when looking at it is unimaginable dread.
the blood on the corners of his mouth. the blanket thatās hiding whatever is left of him from below the waist. the dull eyes that once stared at you with hope and love. those dried lips that normally shone with a layer of gloss.
god, itās awful. you donāt want this to be true. youāre still waiting to be woken up by your husband. so he can hold you close and hug you, whisper sweet nothings and reassure you that heād never leave you alone in a savage world like this.
your shaky fingers reach out to his right hand. his skin feels cold and his hand doesnāt hold yours back. your breath hitches and you let out a long, devastating cry. it sounds like a scream for help as your body crumblesāfalling to your knees whilst you tightly grip your loverās limp hand.
āno, god no, please!ā you cover your mouth with your free hand, nearly hyperventilating from pure pain. you feel like your heart is going to give up on you. itās breaking into a million pieces, as does your future. you canāt live without himāyou can't do it.
satoru is the sole reason youāve held out for so long. you were each otherās support system. you canāt do any of this on your own. you canāt breathe properlyāyour body doesnāt let you.
not until you feel a hand on your back, rubbing it gently. you can guess that itās shoko, but youāre too distraught to even pay attention to her. you lift yourself up by holding onto the edge of the table, your legs shaking. you sniffle and sob uncontrollably.
you reach out to touch satoruās lifeless face, as gentle as you always do. you flinch when you feel just how cold his body isāthe usual warmth that would comfort you gone, nowhere to be found. you donāt get a reaction from him when you touch his cheeks.
it only serves to remind you of the tragic events that unveiled. youāre still in denial, but the moment feels real. your brain is slowly yet surely processing the information. though, you donāt want it to. you want to live in a world where you grow old with your husband.
where your child is going to grow up with a father figure at home.
āsatoru, come back to me.. to us, please,ā you beg and beg, hoping he smiles and sits up, telling you that itās just one of his silly pranks again. when none of that happens, you feel yourself become more hopeless. you hunch over him and cup his face. the same face that would light up whenever youād touch it.
you hiccup and wail, unable to breathe. you rub his cheekbones with your thumbs, settling your forehead against his. your tears fall underneath his eyes and slide down his temples, making it seem like heās crying with you.
you wait for satoru to respond, but he doesnāt. thereās an eerie silence on his part and youāre panicking. you need him to comfort you, but he isnāt there to do that anymore. youāre left alone, all alone.
āi canāt do this without youāwe canāt do this without you,ā you stammer between sobs. you canāt go through life, knowing satoru isnāt going to be there for you. he isnāt going to come home anymore. he isnāt going to cuddle you to sleep anymore. he isnāt going to experience what itās like to have a family of his own. he isn't going to be able to hold his child and to play with him.
you blame life for being unfairāalways taking away the people who donāt deserve it. satoru hasnāt done anything to deserve this. he just.. existed. his fate of becoming the strongest, decided at his birth, is what has lead to his death.
you continue to sob to yourself. you refuse to acknowledge anything or anyone else in the room. youāre solely focused on your husband. or rather, whatās left of him.
remembering how excited satoru was to spend the rest of his life with you and your future children pains you all the more. heās been stripped from a normal life. youāve tried your hardest to give him that said normal life, yet your hopeful dreams have gotten you nowhere.
you wipe your tears away for the first time in a while. your grief is making you delusionalādisoriented to the point you try to make yourself feel better. you force a smile and hold tightly onto satoruās limp hand, trying to speak through your quiet sniffles.
āo-our boy is gonna be born soon,ā you chuckle bitterly and place satoruās hand on your belly. itās gotten bigger over the months and youāre already eight months along. he was so close to meeting your childāso close. yet his tragic destiny did not allow him to.
you hope heās been happy with you for as long as he lived. you hope youāve somewhat relieved him from his misery for as long as he lived. that burden he carried, the world he carried on his shoulders. . . it doesnāt seem to want to detach from him. even after death.
you press a deep kiss against his forehead. satoruās favorite spot to be kissed at, you remember. you wish he feels it in the afterlife; wherever he may he. as long as heās in a better place now, one that treats him well. this current world has been too cruel on him. it doesnāt deserve to home someone like your husband.
āi wish you were here to see your son. to see our baby grow up, you'd be so proud, honey,ā you kiss satoruās forehead again. itās all you can do stop yourself from losing it completely. you know satoru would tell you to be strong, for his sake. for your unborn son.
āiām going to tell him all about you, ākay? i'm going to tell him about how awesome his dad was,ā your voice breaks for the nth time. youāre still in the first stage of grief, though you try to seem strong in case satoru is watching from somewhere.
thatās what he did when he was the one going through a tough time. heād act brave and fine, putting on a mask to make you worry less, telling you all kinds of reassuring words while he was suffering internally.
now itās your turn to safely send his soul off to the afterlife. to let satoru pass away in peace, with him knowing that youāre going to live on for him and for your child. itās the least you can do at the moment.
you put on a brave face, staring into his lifeless eyes, smiling through the unbearable pain. youāre sure heās still listening to you from somewhere. satoruās always told you that your voice is soothing, so you do your best to calm his soul and reassure him that itās fine for him to rest.
āiāll do my best to raise him, yeah? so you.. you just rest.ā
rest was a foreign word to the sorcerer. this world didnāt give him an ounce of peace. heād either be overworked by his family or the jujutsu society, and if it isnāt work, his inherited techniques were slowly killing his brain and body.
youāre praying that satoru has none of that in the afterlife. youāre praying that he can live a normal life, eternally. so that when you join him one day, you both wonāt have to suffer nor share the burden. you can live out your dreams without anyone interrupting.
not even fate.
āyou deserve to rest. you really do,ā you sigh.
soon enough, you feel yourself crumble again. you burst out in tears once you realise that heās actually never coming back to you in this life. you bury your face in the crook of his neck and sob loudly, not holding back your emotions anymore. you just canātāyou canāt act brave when your second half has been taken away from you so suddenly.
you hope that you succeeded into sending him off without any worries. you canāt help but continue rambling to yourself, āiām going to miss you sāmuch. oh, my baby.ā
you lift your head back and stare into satoruās eyes once more. did he think about you when he was on his deathbed? did he see his life flash before his eyes, including his many memories with you? did he see what could have been?
itās unfair.
you give him one last bright smile and gently close his eyelids for him, hoping his lost soul saw your face before you did so. with one last kiss on his lips, you whisper your final words;
āplease wait for me on the other side, my love.ā
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Pity Party
Rafe Cameron x Reader
Warnings:Ā NON-CON/DUB-CON (+ mentions of),Ā toxic/abusive relationship, mentions of manipulation, dad!Rafe, established Rafe x reader
ā„ While this can absolutely be read as a stand alone piece, it is also the much requested follow up to my WTPO series. I hope this doesn't disappoint!
ā„Ā banner byĀ @vase-of-liliesĀ | ā„ divider byĀ @firefly-graphics
summary: You became the envy of every woman in Kildare County the day you became Mrs. Rafe Cameron.
ā
You slid along the floor using your knees, hand occupied by an even tinier one as your son unsteadily put one foot in front of the other. Your lips were pulled into a smile as you watched him, your free hand hovering behind his back for when he very likely would fall. Your other son was occupied with a snack, and whenāas expectedāthe youngest oneās legs gave out, you scooped him up with a giggle.
āLook at you,ā you cooed. āYouāre going to be sprinting by this weekend.ā
His cherubic face smiled back at you, lips wet with drool, and you wiped his mouth with a smile. Your oldestānow done with his Goldfishāwas currently tugging on your dress, and when you looked down at him, he had a wide grin on his face.
āI wanna play with himā¦ā
His soft voice had your own expression softening, and you quietly told him āokayā, taking a seat right on the floor where you were formerly standing. You emptied your hands, letting your son crawl around and slap at the ground as his brother followed him, face so close to his as he whispered things to him that he didnāt quite understand yet. You let your mind wander, warmth blooming in your chest as you thought about howā¦sweet they were.
There had been a time where you feared they wouldnāt be.
ā¦and as you stared at them, you almost felt bad for ever thinking they could be anything less than angels, but it couldnāt be helped. They were children, and there were very few things in this world that were more innocent than children. They both came out squirming and pudgy and perfectāscreaming their heads off and only calming once they were in your arms. They came into this world looking at you with the kind of eyes that had never experienced or done a single bad thing in their life.
They were childrenā¦babiesā¦
ā¦but they were Rafeās babies.
And as much as you would like to, you would never be able to forget how they both came to be here. Fighting off Rafe Cameron was hard enough when you were going through a tumultuous breakup, but it became damn near impossible once he managed to get a ring on your finger and a prison around you in the form of a fancy house. You looked down at the large rock, a pang going through your chest at the sight of a simple gold band below it.
The wedding had been the grand fanfare it was expected to be, serving itās purpose of making you the envy of every woman in Kildare County. Your oldest sonāhaving been an only child at the timeāwas pulled down the aisle in a wagon with a pillow in his lap that contained the rings. Rose had gushed over you in the dressing room, long having convinced herself no woman would ever marry Rafe and sheād never get to experience this. Your father had cried as he handed you off to your husband to be, and tears had kissed your own eyes but just for an entirely different reason.
Your dress was made for a princess, and your veil was made for an angel, and your makeup was made for a doll. Everything was perfect, everything going off without a hitch. Absolutely nothingānot a single thingāhad gone wrong, and even though by that point youād slowly started to accept your fateā¦something in you had hoped. For what? You werenāt entirely sure.
Youād hoped that some crazy ex girlfriend of Rafeās would stand up and object. Youād hoped that your brother would go against your wishes and drag you away from it all. Hell, youād even hoped that someone would choke on their spit and require an ambulance. Deep down though, youād known what you really hoped for.
You had hoped that Rafe would do the right thingā¦and let you go.
It was a silly hope. Rafe Cameron had gone through entirely too much trouble to ensure youād never leave him, even going as far as threatening to take your son away from you. Heāboth of themāwas the only good thing to come out of this. From the first moment you laid eyes on him, youād wanted him all for yourself and far away from Rafe. The brunette simply didnāt deserve him, and you had no doubt that Rafe would agree, but his selfishness outweighed any thought of doing what was right. That had always been the case.
You didnāt know why you thought your wedding day might be any different.
Rafe moments away from chaining you to him forever? There was no shot in hell of him walking away from that, and you sighed at how naively hopeful youād been that day. The sound of your oldest sonās laughter pulled you from your thoughts, and you looked over just in time to see him jump to his feet, promptly sprinting towards the foyer. You werenāt worried, knowing exactly who it was that could elicit such a reaction from him.
You swallowed at the sound of Rafeās voice, taking your 11-month old into your arms.
ā...and how were my boys?ā
He came into view as he said that, the messy haired little boy upside down in his arms as he kicked his feet and laughed.
You knew the question wasnāt meant for you.
āI was bad,ā your son told him, and you fought back a smile, knowing why he said that.
Rafeās gaze met yours, and the smile that threatened to ghost over your lips was gone. He merely smirked at the sight, rolling his eyes and turning his attention back to the boy in his arms.
āBad? Oh no,ā he chuckled. āWhy were you bad?ā
āI accidentally spilled juice on mommyās dress.ā
Your sonās words came out small, slurring together a bit with his slight lisp. Youād told him that it was fineāaccidents happenābut you knew why he was so hung up on it. As awful as Rafe treated you behind closed doors, he treated you a million times better for the whole world to see. He was smart that way, and the whole world included your children. They saw their dad treat mommy like a princessānone the wiser to what the true nature of your relationship was really likeāand so they followed suit.
An offense against youāno matter how smallāwas especially heinous.
āOh that is bad,ā Rafe murmured, setting him down on his feet. āGuess weāll have to buy her a new one, huh?ā
He ruffled his hair, and your son beamed at the thought of going shopping.
You avoided Rafeās gaze as he neared you, an impressive feat when he came to kneel down before you. Your youngest was squirming in your armsābabblingāand you swallowed when Rafe reached out to lightly squish his cheeks. He pressed his lips to his tiny forehead just as his hand landed on your own cheek, and only then did you look at him.
Rafe stared at you for what felt like a long time, expression unreadable. Your oldest was going on about something behind him that neither of you were giving too much attention to. His blue eyes looked between yours, studying you, and you could smell his cologne. After what felt like too long, his pink lips finally curved into that haughty half smile you were used to seeing.
It never not made you want to smack it right off of his face.
ā...and how was mommy today?ā he quietly asked.
There were a thousand things you wanted to say to him.
You wanted to say that mommy cried in the bathroom because she still had thoughts of leaving sometimes even at the loss of her own children, but then sheād remember how much she loved them and couldnāt live without them and the guilt would set in. You wanted to tell him that mommyās thigh still hurt from where heād sank his teeth into it the night before for daring to tell him she still hated him sometimes. You even started to tell him that mommy had rare moments here and there where sheād momentarily forget their history and find herself content in this big house with her children and fancy ring until she remembered how her children got here and what said house and ring represented.
You didnāt say any of that though.
Instead, you merely blinked at Rafe, and told him what you always did.
āMommy was fine.ā
The vase narrowly missed Rafeās head, his quick reflexes making your heart sink with disappointment. Your own quick thinking had you frantically looking around for something else to throw at him, but his feet moved faster than your brain, and he was nearing you before you made up your mind. Unable to stomach being around him, right now, you hurriedly sprinted to the other side of the room. You paid no mind to the way he called your name, a blend of anger and exasperation there.
āAre you doneā¦?ā
You didnāt look at him, keeping your angry gaze on the floor. Besides, you didnāt have to in order to know what he looked like. You could imagine it perfectlyāsteely blue eyes cold and intently focused on you, hands on his hips and jaw clenched so hard youād swear it was about to break. When you finally did glance at him, you were proven right.
āThis littleā¦ā he waved his hand about. ā...tantrum. Youāre finished?ā
āFuck you,ā you whispered.
You couldnāt hold in your tears, and they spilled over without your permission. Rafe sucked his teeth at the sight, and when he took a step towards you, you made to leave the living room completely. Your sons were with your momāthey would be the whole weekendābecause that was the plan. They would stay with grandma for a few days while you went to Charlotte to visit Pope at school. Rafe was supposed to be handling business with Ward, anyway.
He was not supposed to be sabotaging your plans and canceling car rentals and flights and ruining your entire weekend.
Rafe stopped you before you could get far, and you didnāt even attempt to get away, too defeated and upset to smack him square across the face like you wanted. His fingers dug into your skin, and you wondered if a light bruise would be there in the morning. You could tell by the way he held you that he was upset, but you didnāt understand what he had to be upset about. It had been four years since Rafe started this fucked up dynamic he called a family and over two since youād reluctantly said āI doā. You even gave him another sonā¦and yetā¦
It was clear now that he still didnāt trust you.
Sure, you had the stray thought or two here and there about escaping, but when it was all said and done, those were just thoughts. Your children meant too much to you to just take off, and even if you ever got to that point one day where youād happily sacrifice their chance to grow up with a mother just to have your own freedom, Rafe would never let that happen. Your fate was sealed from the very moment heād decided you were it for him.
āI havenāt seen my brother in months. Itās his last year of school, and I didnāt want the next time I see him to be at his Goddamn graduation,ā you spat, lips trembling. āYou said you were okay with it!ā
āYeah, I was,ā Rafe replied in a tone that hinted at more to come.
You were right.
ā...but then I remembered that this would be the first time weād be apart for a distance more than thirty miles and how way up there in Charlotte you could disappear to wherever you wanted and-.ā
āYou wouldnāt have to worry about any of that if we had a normal relationship,ā you cut him off, a sneer on your lips. āYou wouldnāt have to worry about the possibility of me running away from you if youād never hurt me and raped me and damn near threatened me into marrying you.ā
At those words, Rafe let you go as if you burned him, and you reminded yourself how much Rafe hated to be reminded of why you were really here. You were positive he sometimes convinced himself that this relationship was as real as it could beāthe perfect parents with the perfect children and the perfect marriage. After all, it was what everyone on the outside saw when they were looking in.
The difference between the two of you it seemed was that you knew it was all pretend.
Rafe liked to believe that it wasnāt.
āAll of that asideā¦do you really think Iād leave them?ā
Your question came out whispered, and you didnāt miss the slight twitch in Rafeās face. Leave themā¦not leave him. Rafe was smart in knowing that knocking you up would be the only thing to truly prevent you from leaving, and yet he absolutely hated to be reminded of it. To be reminded that it was notāand never would beāhim keeping you here.
His expression morphed, a shadow passing over his features as he glanced away, shoving a hand into his pocket.
āI canāt take that chance,ā was all he said, making more tears spill over. āPopeās not going anywhere. You can always see him another time.ā
You pulled your lip between your teeth in anger, and when he reached for you, he was stopped by a harsh slap to the cheek. Your lips wouldnāt stop trembling, and you just stared at him as he rubbed his face.
āYou have taken so much from me, Rafe,ā you mumbled, rolling your eyes at him. āIf your goal is to make sure weāre both absolutely miserableā¦then keep it up.ā
You turned away from him, refusing to spare him another look as you made your way upstairs to unpack your suitcase.
Most days in your marriage were okay. They werenāt awful, and they weren'tā exactly anything youād jump at the chance to relive. They were simply justā¦okay. On those days, Rafe would wake you up with a kiss, sometimes more than that, and youād start your dayāusually something that consisted of preparing for your children to wake up. They made those days stand a chance at being somewhat enjoyable, and you thought to yourself that maybe one day when they were old enough, youād tell them how much they did for you without even knowing.
On the days where your marriage wasnāt okay, you were usually overcome with how you really felt about Rafe. Those days didnāt come as often as they used toāa fact you didnāt like to let your mind linger onābut when they did, they usually ended in your tears.
ā¦and Rafe pinning you down and just taking what he wanted.
Rafe had felt entitled to your body long before he put the ring on your finger, but after you took his last name, his entitlement went to an entirely new level. You recalled a day where you had the house to yourselves and how silly youād been to think Rafe would respect your wish to be alone.
āDo you know what this means?ā heād harshly asked, squeezing your left hand as he held it up for both of you to see.
The 4-carat marquise solitaire glinted under the bright kitchen light.
āIt means youāre my wife, it means youāre mine,ā heād hissed, getting in real close and touching your nose with his. āDo you get how patient Iāve been? How patient I am?ā
Youād shrank away from him, wincing at the slight pain in your left hand.
āI know this hasnāt been easy for you, but itās been years,ā heād told you. āThereās a ring on your finger and two little boys walking around with my face. You need to suck it up!ā
The counter had been harsh against your stomach as he bent you over it.
The good days in your marriage were even more rare, and even those ended in you feeling sad for yourself. It was usually a whole day of your boys keeping a smile on your face, the feeling so infectious that even Rafe couldnāt make it go away. And thatās how youād find yourself smiling at him and playing with your children together and actually acting like a family. Onlyā¦on those rare daysā¦it wasnāt acting. For just several hours, everything that Rafe was and everything heād done would be so far from your mind.
Youād find yourself bathing your youngest togetherāyour oldest only listening to you when it was time to wash behind his earsācooing over the baby that was just shy of turning one years old. Youād let your son run into your arms as he hid from the ātickle monsterā, playfully pushing at Rafeās chest as you protected the three year old from him. Sometimes youād even fall asleep with your head so close to Rafeās lap as he read to them, your son begging you both to stay until he fell asleep.
Of all the days in your marriage that youād anticipated being the hardest, the āgoodā days were not among them. Reality would set in during the morning, sometimes even that same night, and your chest would ache as you held back tears because what you and Rafe had was not real. It wasnāt a real marriage, and you werenāt a real family, and on those days where you forgot that, the truth just hit so much harder. All of the anger and disappointment would come backā¦and then the fear would set in.
It scared you how easily you could slip into that headspace and live in some alternate reality where Rafe was a good husband and your children hadnāt been the product of rape and you didnāt have errant thoughts of what it would be like to be free of him. It scared you how good it felt to forget it all, how a day might come where instead of finding yourself slipping into that mindset, you justā¦chose it.
It would be so easy.
ā¦but you felt like you owed it to yourself to hate him forever.
Sometimes he made hating him so easyā¦and then other times so, so hard.
āTheyāre so sweet to you,ā he murmured in the low lighting, both of your kids fast asleep in their room.Ā
Youād been trying to find sleep of your own, but Rafeās phone call with Ward left you both up long after you wanted to be. You were unfortunately wide awake when slid in beside you, and your unopened eyes didnāt fool Rafe in the slightest. He knew you were awake.
āI would hope so,ā you murmured, staring at the back of your eyelids as he lightly traced patterns into your satin covered stomach.
Your husband chuckled to himself.
āI mean they look at you like you hung the moon,ā he quietly continued. āEspecially your shadowā¦ā
He was referring to your oldest.
āIām barely there for him whenever youāre in the same room,ā he whispered. āHeās happy that Iām home and he hugs me, but then itās straight back to mommy.ā
You slowly opened your eyes as Rafeās hand became flat against your stomach, gently rubbing it.
āHe treats you like a princessā¦ā
You met his gaze at that, and you couldnāt quite place the look in Rafeās eyes.
ā...and Iām especially happy about it on days when I donāt.ā
You sighed at that, staring at the ceiling.
āIām glad that heās nothing like meā¦ā
You remembered Rafe saying something similar years ago before the boy in question had even been born, and you blinked as he leaned in, gently ghosting his lips over your cheek. You were tempted to push him away, but then you asked yourself if you wanted to start a fight so late in the night. Instead, you turned your head to face Rafe, your lips a hairās width away from his own.
āIām glad heās nothing like you too,ā you whispered.
You didnāt miss the way his face fell at that, a tick in his jaw that told you your words had the desired effect. Instead of saying something along the lines of what you both knew he wanted to say, Rafe merely heaved a sigh, still gently rubbing your stomach. He suddenly pushed himself up onto his elbow, looking down at you.
A smirk ghosted over his lips.
āI want another baby.ā
Those words were the last thing youād been expecting, and your eyes widened just a tad.
ā...what?ā
āLetās try for a girl this time,ā he suggested, and realizing that he was indeed serious, you sat up.
His hand fell away from your stomach.
āThis time?ā you murmured, more to yourself than him. āI donāt recall trying for anything the previous times.ā
The mention of what he did to you had Rafe going silent, and when you looked at him, his nostrils were flaring.
āIt can be different this time-.ā
āHow?ā you wondered, frowning at him. āHow will it be different this time? The only time I touch you is when Iām forced to, and I donāt know, that sounds pretty fucking familiar to me.ā
Rafeās hand had circled around your chin before you had time to reactāhe was sitting up now tooāand you both just cooly stared at each other. He looked like he wanted to hurt you, and you stared back, just waiting for him to prove you right. He seemed to be toying with the thought, and after a few moments, he slowly exhaled through his nose.
His thumb brushed over your bottom lip, his blue eyes following the action.
A million thoughts were racing through his mind, that much you could tell by the emotions that flickered over his features. Eventually he settled on one, pulling his lip between his teeth.
āYouāre not always unhappyā¦ā
It was said like a statement, but there was a lilt there that told you he wanted an answer.
āNo,ā you eventually responded, honestly. āNot always.ā
He nodded.
ā...but Iām unhappy more than Iām happy.ā
He closed his eyes at that, and you swallowed.
āWhat did you expect, Rafe? Sure, four years is a lot, but itās also not when I think about everything you did to me.ā
He dropped his hand and pushed himself to his feet. You watched him stand there, staring at the wall with his hands on his hips.
ā...and what makes it worse is that youāre not even sorry. I know how much you want me to ājust get over itā, but how am I expected to get over it when we both know youād do it all over again so long as it got you the same result?ā you choked out. āYouāre not sorry for any of it.ā
You blinked away tears.
ā...and now youāre mad at me so much because I wonāt roll over and play house.ā
You saw his shoulders heave, and you could tell how much this conversation was frustrating him. Rafe really hated to be reminded of his own actions, hated to be reminded of the fact that your relationship was where it was because of him. You couldnāt find it in yourself to care. You were the one trapped in this gilded cageā¦not him.
āSo, if you want another babyā¦ā you quietly started. ā...either something needs to changeā¦or you just embrace the beast we both know you can be.ā
His eyes snapped to yours at that, and as much as it made your heart skip a beat, Rafe rarely scared you anymore. Youād seen him and experienced him at his absolute worst. There really wasnāt much he could do to you anymore that would shock youā¦and he knew it.Ā
His baby blues glinted dangerously, and you bit your tongue.
He did the opposite of what you expected, and you watched him turn away from you to leave the room. You didnāt relax, knowing heād come back, but you did heave a tired sigh, telling yourself that sleep couldnāt come fast enough.
Rafeās hand tightened around your throat as he kissed you, the alcohol on your tongue making the kiss taste sweet. The world was moving so slow around you, and every place that Rafe touched felt like you were being gently electrocuted. Deep in the crevices of your mind, you knew that something was wrong. You hadnāt kissed Rafe like this in years, not since the early days of your relationship when you thought you might have loved him, and butterflies were in your stomach at one look from him.
You recalled the sight of your empty wine glass on the carpet, the rest of the red wine you didnāt drink staining the white fabric.
Your kids were asleep and the house was quiet and you were kissing your husband like you used toāback when he wasnāt your husband. Rafe had your back to the wall just barely on the inside of your bedroom, your hand struggling to reach out to the door. Rafe grabbed it, threading his fingers through your own, and you made a slight noise of protest.
He made a shushing noise into the kiss.
āJust relaxā¦ā
Relax.
That word triggered something in you, and you pressed your other hand to his chest. You were far too relaxed to be sober, and considering you only had one glass of wine, you knew that other substances were at play here. You recalled Rafe voicing his desire for another baby just the other dayā¦and you recalled the slight back and forth itād created. You expected one of two things out of Rafe, but neither of them included a scenario where you were too inebriated to properly fight back against him.
There was something especially sinister about Rafe creating this false sense of consent.
His lips traveled down towards your neck as he bent his head, and you felt like you didnāt have control over your body as you threw your head back. You shakily exhaled when both of his hands descended towards your waist, lifting you and forcing you towards the California king. When he settled you both onto it, all pretense was gone.
āDonāt you want a little girl?ā he whispered against your skin, his fingers dancing along the place from where your shirt had ridden up. āHmm? I know you get sick of being with just us boys.ā
You made a noise that was unintelligible even to your ears, pushing at his head, but it was of no use. Whatever he slipped into your drink clearly wasnāt in his, Rafe having all of his strength and wits about him as he pinned you down. He kissed you againāslowāas his hands circled around your wrists. It took your breath away, and your lashes fluttered when he descended.
āA princess for my princessā¦ā
You reached out to place a hand on the bed to steady yourself. Although you knew it was the room spinning, not you, and so focused on that, you didnāt even realize what Rafe was doing until the cool air youād briefly felt against your core was replaced by his mouth. The action made your back arch, andāagainst your willāyou reached down to press your hand against his head.
He hummed in between your thighs.
āYou never let me do this anymore,ā you heard him whisper, his breath against your skin before he dived back in.
To be fair, you never let him do anything, but especially this. It was too intimate, too loving, and those words were so far from the true nature of your relationship it wasnāt even funny. After all, Rafe was now at a place where he had to drug you just to get you to stop fighting against him. You found it interesting because he never minded the fight before. In fact, youād even say that some part of him enjoyed it.
You wondered what had changed.
His head moved back and forth between your thighs, and it made you squirm. One of Rafeās hands reached up to dig into your leg, holding you still. The other found your hand, and you were unable to remember that you didnāt like holding his hand. Another gesture that you felt was too intimate, something Rafe always liked to pretend that your relationship was.
Just when you were on the brink of coming all over his tongue, your husband pulled away, but not before pressing a quick kiss to the inside of your thigh. With stars just barely floating in your vision, you laid there, eyes falling closed as you fought to regulate your breathing.
A voice in your head told you that you didnāt want this, and that you needed to get upā¦but you couldnāt find the strength to.
When Rafeās hands were on you again, they were pulling away every piece of fabric they touched, and you couldnāt help the tears that kissed your eyes. Being forced to feign compliance in your own assault somehow hurt a thousand times worse than if Rafe had simply grabbed you and held you down. You wondered if this made it easier on him, and you thought about how much Rafe hated being reminded of the things he did to you.
It was like it hurt him to remember it that way, to acknowledge it for what it was.
When he slid into you, you couldnāt help the small whimper you let out, eyes rolling as he stretched you out. Rafeās hands were on you, pulling you closer, and as if your arms had a mind of their own, you threw them around him. His chest was pressed to yours as he thrust into you, and you pressed your face into the crook of his neck. He cursed when he sank into you again, and your toes curled.
āYouāre so mean to me, you know that?ā
One of his hands tangled in the hair at the nape of your neck.
ā...have to drug my own wife just to get her to fuck meā¦ā
Your nails dragged along the expanse of his back, and Rafe hummed at the feeling. Youād forgotten what it felt like to lie beneath him and just let him have his way with you. It felt like so long since he hadnāt had to force you down and take his cock despite what you may have wanted. Although, your current position wasnāt all that different, but you couldnāt ignore how relaxed you were from whatever heād slipped you.
Rafe shifted, hands pressed into the mattress on either side of your head. His blue eyes glinted in the low lighting, and you blearily blinked up at him as he gazed down at you. He leaned in, pressing his forehead to yours while still holding your gaze. Your lips parted at a particularly hard thrust, and the corner of his lips curved upwards at the sight.
Deep in the back of your mind, you knew you didnāt want this, but it was for so many reasons that you were struggling to remember. For the time being, all you could focus on was the curve of his cock as he repeatedly pushed it into you and how good it made you feel. One of your legs hooked around his waist, and Rafeās perfect teeth winked at you as he grinned.
āI missed this, beautiful,ā he whispered. āYou know that?ā
The bed jostled from your movements, and Rafe glanced down between you to watch himself disappear into you.Ā
āI canāt wait to fill you up,ā he told you, making your heart skip a beat and reminding you of how and why youād found yourself in this position in the first place. āCanāt wait to see you swollen and round again and fucking glowing.ā
You murmured his name, but you couldnāt tell if it was in protest or not.
Your mind was all over the place, and when Rafeās hips curved into yours again, you arched your chest up into his. Sweat clung to your frame, and you briefly wondered how made you would be at him in the morning. You knew this wouldnāt be his only attemptāRafe always proving to be more than thorough when trying for a babyāand you now weakly wondered about having to be cautious of the food in your own house.
You could tell when he was close, his thrusts becoming sloppy and his breathing picking up. He startedĀ to kiss you more, each kiss becomingĀ messier and more open mouthed than the last. In your inebriated state of mind, you kissed him back, alarm bells going off deep within your bones. Your own breathing was labored, like you couldnāt get air into your lungs fast enough.
When Rafe came the first timeāand you knew that it would be the first of the nightāhe grunted in your ear as he spilled into you. Your nails were trailing along his skin as he plunged his cock into you, not even stopping when you felt him start to soften, lazily thrusting into your folds. Your own climax was just around the corner when he spoke.
āI will fuck you all night,ā he whispered against your cheek, his tone vaguely threatening. āI will fuck you as many times as it takes until you give me what I want.ā
He leaned back a bit, his nose touching yours as he tilted his head, eyeing you in a way that made your skin grow cold.
ā...and I will do whatever I have to to make youā¦ā he looked between your unfocused eyes. ā...agreeable.ā
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šš¢š š”š ššš«š (m)
Pairings:Ā Wooyoung x Reader
Genre:Ā Smut
Word count:Ā 15k ~
Warnings: ItĀ“s a smut so +18 MDNI pls
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Part 2
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As someone who has been single for the past 2 years, you often found yourself missing certain things and feelings. ItĀ“s not even the dating in itself that you craved, you were in fact, very content with being alone, and after all your inner healing and growth, you didnĀ“t even think you were ready for a relationship at this point in your life. But as you and Wooyoung were on your couch lazily spending the afternoon, you found your body and mind screaming for comfort at the sight of the rainy day outside.Ā
Your friend had his head on your lap as he played some online shooting game on his phone, the movie you intended on watching now only serving as background noise as you drifted off, hands absent-mindedly playing with the strands of his hair that fell on top of your thighs.Ā Ā
Hand-holding.Ā
ThatĀ“s something you really missed. The feeling of interlacing fingers with someone as warmness spread through your body. When you were dating, you werenĀ“t even that into holding hands, uncomfortable with not being able to move freely or with the way your palm seemed to always feel clammy ā But now? You would kill for a chance to walk around a park linked with someone.Ā Ā
You also really missed being so familiar with someone that you just felt at ease, having a person there to do nothing or everything with, being able to talk or gossip about anything. You remember spamming MingyuĀ“s chat with every little thing that happened during your day and him just being genuinely happy to hear about it, replying to every single message in order. As your best friend, Wooyoung was someone you talked to a lot, but you still couldnĀ“t text him about how you already drank 6 glasses of water or how you were annoyed because your stapler kept getting stuck ā Those are the annoying little things you only get to share with a significant other that has the obligation to put up with you.Ā
And showering together. You almost felt dramatic tears fill your eyes at the thought of it; sharing the hot stream of water with someone, have them rub soap down your back or massage shampoo onto your scalp, or just simply holding someone in the dark under the running water as steam filled the room.Ā Ā
Oh, and free massages. You definitely missed those, being able to ask for a massage at whatever given moment with the certainness that you would receive one. MingyuĀ“s love language had always been acts of service, meaning you wouldnĀ“t spend a single day without his hands squeezing your shoulders or rubbing down your back.Ā Ā
Maybe you should call Mingyu. Something along the lines of āhey, I know we broke up a few years ago but can you come like, hold me for a minute? Cuddle until we fall asleep?āĀ
You were so touch deprived you could cry.Ā
There was also the intimate part of a relationship; You had tried casual sex, one-night stands, friends with benefits, even a Tinder hook up once ā It just wasnĀ“t for you. ItĀ“s not even the sex on itself that you longed for, you could spend another few years without it if it came down to it. But you did miss what came with being intimate with someone who truly cared about you. When it comes to casual flings, people are normally selfish (yourself included), doing the bare minimum to get the other person off but truly aiming for their own pleasure; it was nice being with someone whoĀ“s main priority was making you feel good without the need of having the āfavor returnedā.Ā Ā
What you really did miss though, was a bit cruder: You missed the feeling of someoneĀ“s dick in your mouth, the groans and whines that came with it, hands tangled in your hair, your tongue tracing hot veins as someone praised you. You missed having someoneĀ“s fingers inside of you, your walls tight around them as they pumped in and out of you with ease. You also really fucking missed someone eating you out.Ā
You subconsciously pulled a bit on WooyoungĀ“s hair out of frustration but he didnĀ“t seem to notice, eyes fixated on his game. You gently pat his head where you had tugged on the strands and went back to playing with his hair, letting your mind take you away once again.Ā Ā
Again, itĀ“s not like your relationship with Mingyu ended badly, surely, he wouldnĀ“t mind if you called him up to go down memory lane for a night-Ā
You had never noticed how plump WooyoungĀ“s lips were.Ā Ā
He had a habit of pouting when he was focused, or biting on his lips when he was extra concentrated ā which he was doing just now as he tried to shoot at someone who was trying to kill him. When he finally managed to take out the other player and escape, he let his bottom lip go, now all red and glistening as he cursed out loud. They just looked so soft and plushy, and the mole he had on his bottom lip āĀ Ā
You suddenly realized you were kind of obsessed with WooyoungĀ“s nose shape. You know what people say about big nosesā¦ Also, how good would it feel bumping against -Ā
āYouĀ“re being way too nice. WhatĀ“s going on?ā WooyoungĀ“s voice suddenly interrupted your thoughts, causing you to jump in shock and realization that you were just thinking about your friend eating you out.Ā Ā
āI am nice, just not to you,ā You correct, meeting his eyes which were looking up as you noticed you were still running your fingers through his hair.Ā
āI have very strong opinions about that, but either way, itĀ“s what I meant. Why are you being nice to me?āĀ
āAm I?āĀ
āI remember very clearly the last time I asked you to cuddle me, almost got down on my knees begging and you just looked at me like I had rolled around in the trash.āĀ Ā
āYou were quiet today, behaving like a normal person-āĀ
āGo on, call me a good boy. I know you want to,ā He rolls his eyes.Ā
You laugh out loud at that; he did know you well.Ā
āNah, youĀ“ve ruined it the moment you opened your mouth.āĀ
āGuess IĀ“m a bit further from perfect than I thought, getting there though. How was the movie anyways?āĀ
āOh, did it end already?ā You asked, finally looking at the TV and realizing the credits must have been rolling for a while. āWasnĀ“t paying attention.āĀ
āWhat were you even doing?ā He furrowed his eyebrows at you, a second away from calling you stupid.Ā
āThinking.āĀ
āAbout?āĀ
āCalling Mingyu,ā You half-lied.Ā
At that, he managed to furrow his eyebrows even more, the biggest judgmental face he had ever sported looking up at you, āWhy? Are you suddenly into him again?āĀ
āNo.āĀ
āThen why?āĀ
āI donĀ“t know, just-āĀ
āOh my god,ā His eyes widened, and he covered his mouth in shock. āItĀ“s a booty call.āĀ
āItĀ“s that what people call it these days?āĀ You ask, trying to sound nonchalant about the whole ordeal.Ā
āOh my god, so it is.āĀ
āI guess?āĀ
āY/N, itĀ“s been like 2 years. I know youĀ“re hot and heĀ“s a man but I think that conversation would be kind of weird. Were you planning on texting him a wanna come smash?ā He questioned you as he sat up. āDo you even have his number?āĀ
āNo, I - I donĀ“t know. I-Ā LetĀ“s change the subject.āĀ
āLetĀ“s absolutely not.āĀ
āYouĀ“re being annoying.āĀ
āArenĀ“t I always?āĀ
āYes, defin-āĀ
āIf youĀ“re horny, why donĀ“t you text that last guy you were going out with? He was hot too.āĀ
āEw, donĀ“t use the word horny.āĀ
āWould you prefer I call you needy?āĀ
Maybe you would, yeah, very much.Ā
āNo, ew. Just stop talking all-together.āĀ
āSo, why donĀ“t you text him?āĀ
āYou know I canĀ“t really enjoy it much when IĀ“m not like, close to the person.āĀ
āSo you thought of your ex,ā he deadpanned.Ā
āYeah.āĀ
āHas literally not even one of the guys you hooked up with gotten you off?āĀ
āI mean, some of them did. But I donĀ“t want to just get off, I-I- I donĀ“t even know what I want, can we please chan-āĀ
āYou want to be treated like the little pillow princess you are, got it.āĀ
Did he have to say it like that? Suddenly you felt the pulse between your legs raising its intensity. Oh god no, you were absolutely not getting turned on by WooyoungĀ“s crude choice of words.Ā
Anyone but Wooyoung!Ā
āWho says IĀ“m a pillow princess? Am not!āĀ
āAh, please. You scream IĀ“ll bring nothing to the table besides looking pretty.āĀ
āIs that how I come off as?ā You gasped at that, feeling deeply offended. āYouĀ“re full of shit.āĀ
āWhy are you even getting mad? ThereĀ“s nothing wrong with that, IĀ“m sure youĀ“re really good at looking pretty under a guy.āĀ
āPlease stop picturing someone else fucking me?āĀ
āWho says IĀ“m picturing someone else?ā He winked at you teasingly.Ā
You literally, in your over 20 years of life on this earth, have never - not even once - thought you would actually choke over someoneĀ“s words. This was Wooyoung, you were used to his ways, cĀ“mon!Ā
āYeah, letĀ“s not do that.āĀ
āAwn, pretty princess got flustered,ā He cooed at you.Ā
You knew he was just teasing you; you knew there was no real sexual intent behind his words because that was Wooyoung, he flirted and teased as naturally as he breathed - but they still got your thighs tensing and you hating yourself for it. CouldnĀ“t you just take a joke for what it was?Ā
āAlthough now that IĀ“m thinking about it, I wouldnĀ“t be surprised if you turned out to be a brat in bed. YouĀ“re already the biggest one normally.āĀ
āLook whoĀ“s calling me a brat,ā You rolled your eyes once again. It didnĀ“t matter if he was right or wrong, Wooyoung had no right calling anyone that when he was the way he was.Ā Ā
At that, he presented you with the most attractive smile you think would ever exist in the world, a mixture between cunning, excitement and condescending, āYou think IĀ“m bratty?āĀ
āOh, IĀ“m sure of it.āĀ
āMaybe IĀ“m just good at matching energies, you know?ā He winked, teasing you further.Ā
āFuck off. I know San forced you on your knees more often than IĀ“d like to imagine.āĀ
āBecause I allowed him to.āĀ
You snorted, āYeah. Sure thing, honey. Now letĀ“s move along, please.āĀ
Except that, your mind decided to in fact, consider his words. Wooyoung liked teasing and annoying people for his own entertainment, he whined at you every time he didnĀ“t get things his way and he was always playfully flirting with everyone - and you meant literally everyone. Because of that, you had always just kind of assumed (but never spared it many thoughts, thank God) that your best friend was just someone who like to be dominated when in relationships, or sexual encounters for the matter.Ā Ā
But honestly, you could kind of see it differently after his comments. It was true he always had everyone wrapped around his fingers and somehow, he always managed to get things his way - WasnĀ“t that also some form of control? The lines were kind of blurred when it came to Jung Wooyoung, but that was kind of even more attractive to you.Ā Ā Ā
āOh my god, youĀ“re thinking about it,ā Wooyoung teased.Ā Ā
āYouĀ“re the one who started it!āĀ
āYou donĀ“t have to stress your pretty little head over it,ā He smiled, his finger finding itĀ“s place under your chin to tip your face in his direction playfully. āI can show you.āĀ
Oh, absolutely not.Ā
Your eyes fluttered shut for a millisecond at his words, your guard crumbling surprisingly fast as you practically whimpered, āI know youĀ“re joking but can we please not?āĀ
āWhy?āĀ
Ā CouldnĀ“t he stop giving you that annoying freaking smile?Ā
āBecause I am kind of horny and I really donĀ“t want to go there,ā You practically growled.Ā Ā
Now he was the one who broke character, not expecting you to be actually affected by his jokes, before the teasing smile was back on his face in a heartbeat - but you saw it.Ā
āDid I make you horny?ā He teased.Ā
āOf course not, I was already horny before. IĀ“m just in a weird mood.āĀ
It wasnĀ“t necessarily a lie. If you werenĀ“t already feeling some type of way since earlier, you would have never - and you really mean that - caught yourself thinking about WooyoungĀ“s stupid plump lips or if he could actually fuck you.Ā Ā
āSo, you were thinking about getting dicked down while I was here innocently lying down on your lap? YouĀ“re dirty,ā He snickered.Ā
āIt wasnĀ“t weird until you made it weird,ā You groaned in frustration. This is really not how you imagined your afternoon would go down.Ā Ā
āWant me to help you out?āĀ
āGot any hot friends who areĀ also not my friends?āĀ
āI do,ā He nodded with his head. āBut IĀ“m also right here.āĀ
Your eyes almost flew out of your head. You always judged yourself as the only person immune to Wooyoung's weirdness, deeming that nothing the man did or say would ever surprise you since you basically were the same - but you now guessed the tests became harder as the years passed.Ā Ā
āI canĀ“t really tell if youĀ“re joking-āĀ
āI am absolutely not.āĀ
āYeah, not going to happen.āĀ
āWhy?āĀ
āBecause!āĀ
āI know you can use your big girl words.āĀ
āBecause as much as it pains me to admit it, weĀ“re best friends. I guess?āĀ
āNow youĀ“re the one whoĀ“s making it weird. YouĀ“re hot, IĀ“m hot. YouĀ“re horny, now IĀ“m horny. WhatĀ“s wrong with helping each other out?āĀ
āWhatĀ“s wrong is that I never really saw you like that!ā You whined.Ā
āBut youĀ“re seeing now.āĀ
āYeah, and I donĀ“t like it!āĀ
āTell me,ā He raised an eyebrow at you, a devilish glint on his eyes matching his smile once again.Ā Ā
āWhat?āĀ
āWhat you imagined me doing to you.āĀ
āOh my god. Nothing!āĀ
āOh cĀ“mon, I wonĀ“t think youĀ“re in love with me or anything. I know weĀ“re friends and IĀ“m a man, if there is one thing I can understand is simple plain old horniness.āĀ Ā
āHow is this so easy for you?āĀ
āOh, I already imagined fucking you many times. In many different ways, too,ā Wooyoung stated so casually, like he was talking about his shopping list for when he went to the supermarket later. āYou know that one time at SeonghwaĀ“s pool when you were wearing that little orange bikini? I must have made up at least 4 different scenarios, just that day.āĀ
āI feel kind of violated?āĀ Ā
You also felt the way something throbbed in between your legs at his words but he didnĀ“t need to know that.Ā
āAs I said: IĀ“m a man, Y/N. I love you and would never do anything to make you uncomfortable or fuck up our friendship, but thereĀ“s nothing wrong with fantasizing. ItĀ“s not like I actively decide to do it either, it just happens, I donĀ“t know.āĀ
āDo you just casually think about fucking all your friends?āĀ
āNo, only the hot ones. And itĀ“s not something I keep thinking about all the time, IĀ“m not a creep. Just once every blue moon hormone takes over or something. Also, youĀ“re a fool if you think any of your other friends who are into women have never, not even once, thought about fucking you.āĀ Ā
āYeah, IĀ“d rather be a fool,ā You rolled your eyes. āAlso, San hasnĀ“t!āĀ
āSan would quit his dream job in a heartbeat if I called him over for a threesome right now.āĀ
āYunho then! He would never -āĀ
Wooyoung laughed at that, āHoney, I have something to tell you-āĀ
āPlease donĀ“t.āĀ
āAnyways, youĀ“re not lacking options to help you out. All IĀ“m saying is that IĀ“m here and IĀ“d be more than glad to be the one,ā He had the audacity of winking at you. āSince you were already thinking about it.āĀ
āIĀ“m begging you to please drop it.āĀ
āOnly if you tell me what you were thinking about.āĀ
āOh my god! You know what? LetĀ“s play your stupid fucking game, Jung Wooyoung. IĀ“ll tell you if you tell me first.āĀ
āSo, you do know how to have fun,ā Wooyoung gave you a big smile, his eyes disappearing in happiness as if you had just told him you got him a new car. āWhat do you want to know?āĀ
āAbout the day at SeonghwaĀ“s pool.āĀ
āFun. I will use your own words then: I was in a weird mood that day and then you just took your clothes off and looked so good in that bikini. You were sunbathing and at some point in the afternoon you went inside HwaĀ“s house to get something from the kitchen and my brain just kept flashing images in my head: what if I followed you into the empty house, pushed you against the nearest wall and fucked you, watching as you tried to keep quiet so the others wouldnĀ“t hear from right outside? Your cheek red from rubbing against the wall, your -āĀ
āThatĀ“s scenario number one.āĀ
āYou want all of them? Kinky.āĀ
āI can just go-āĀ
āCalm down, princess. See? I knew you were a brat.āĀ
āWooyo-āĀ
āLater when I was sitting down on the sunbathing chair with you while you were helping me out with the sunscreen, I noticed how my hand was so close I could pull the bottom of your bikini to the side and just slip my fingers in, right there in the open, no one would even notice. I wondered if you were already going to be wet and how you would sound trying to keep your noises inside with my knuckles deep into you. I couldnĀ“t imagine a better sight than you all pretty clenching around my fingers or how you would look trying to casually spread your legs for me without anyone suspecting. I even went as far as imagining us getting caught, can you picture Mingi noticing what a little slut you are and trying to watch without getting caught himself? Poor boy wouldnĀ“t know what to do with himself, would just loose his mind at how hot youĀ“d look. I wondered if youĀ“d like that he was watching āāĀ
āThatĀ“s scenario number two,ā You interrupted before the skin where you dug your nails into could start bleeding from your efforts to ground yourself and not squirm like an animal in heat at WooyoungĀ“s words.Ā
He was good, you had to give him that.Ā Ā
Wooyoung laughed at you and you wondered if he had any clue about what he was doing to you. Then you mentally slapped yourself because of course he did, he had eyes.Ā Ā
āWhen everyone went inside to make some drinks and start on dinner, you sat there on the edge of the pool and started kicking water at me. Remember that? I happened to notice the edge was just the perfect height for me to eat you out from the pool, and you even had your back to the door. We were all alone out there and even if someone came out, I would be hidden from their view in between your legs. I could picture my hands holding your thighs open and your back arching-āĀ
āYeah, ok. ThatĀ“s enough. IĀ“m going to go, humm, shower or something and you can just like leave-āĀ
āCan I join?ā He joked as you stood up.Ā
āNo.āĀ
āCan I at least stay outside listening?āĀ
āWhat? IĀ“m not going to mastu- Wooyoung, IĀ“m just taking a cold shower.āĀ
āOK, go cool yourself off, princess. IĀ“ll wait for you here,ā He informed, unlocking his phone once again and showing you his screen where his game was loading.Ā
āYeah, ok. Suit yourself.āĀ
āYou really should let me listen as payback for getting me horny,ā He screamed once you were already down the hallway.Ā
āYou got yourself horny,ā You screamed back before shutting the bathroom door behind yourself.Ā
You silently screamed against your hands as you let your body slide down the door.Ā
What the hell just happened? How many lines did you just cross?Ā Ā
Why was Wooyoung suddenly so hot?Ā
And so, a cold shower you took and thankfully, after you left the bathroom, no one talked about the subject for the rest of the night and just pretended that nothing had happened.Ā
Except that now you were miserable and your mind echoed WooyoungĀ“s words every time you looked or thought about him. It was not optimal to be crossing your legs in the middle of class at university because you accidentally caught yourself staring at your friendĀ“s veiny arms for half of the lecture.Ā
ā
Ā Ā
āYouĀ“re still horny,ā Wooyoung stated a few days later when you were literally getting ice cream after class.Ā
āAnd IĀ“m actually mortified that you noticed.āĀ
āYouĀ“re being stubborn.āĀ
āWeĀ“re not fucking, Wooyoung.āĀ
āDude, at this point I am genuinely feeling bad for you. We can ask Mingi or whoever, just please get some dick.āĀ
āYouĀ“re being kind of sexist-āĀ
āY/N, you look constipated. I am worried for your sanity.āĀ
āJust shut up before I stop talking to you.āĀ
āI can use a blindfold or something if youĀ“re worried about me seeing you naked-āĀ
āYouĀ“d like that, wouldnĀ“t you? Submissive bitch.āĀ
āDonĀ“t degrade me unless you mean it,ā He winked at you.Ā
āYou are actually insufferable.āĀ
āIĀ“m just trying to help.āĀ
āYou canĀ“t because you donĀ“t understand that this isnĀ“t just about getting some dick!āĀ
āSo what is this about? You tense every time my hands get near you -āĀ
āWooyoung, this is an ice cream parlor. There are kids around, just shut the fuck up.āĀ
āSo letĀ“s go to my place.āĀ
āIĀ“m not getting inside any closed spaces with you unless there are more people around.āĀ
āKinky.āĀ
āOh my god, you know what I mean.āĀ
āI know, just let me tease you. Ok, but seriously now, I think that in order for me to do my duties as a best friend, I need to understand whatĀ“s going on.āĀ
āSince when do you care about your best friend duties? You once left me behind alone at a party to get fucked by Yeonjun or whatever you two-āĀ
āAllegedly.āĀ
āNo, Wooyoung. Not allegedly, it was literally me that you dragged to a corner to inform youĀ“d be going upstairs with Yeonjun-āĀ
āNo one knows what happened in that room.āĀ
āYeah, thank god.āĀ
āOk, whatever. Let me help you, tell me whatĀ“s going on inside that little messed up brain of yours.āĀ
āNop. I really would rather lock myself inside the industrial freezer in the back.āĀ
āYeah? Then IĀ“m texting Mingi to go to your place and give you the fuck of your life tonight-āĀ
āWooyoung!āĀ
āY/N!āĀ
āJust drop it.āĀ
āNo! Do you actually miss Mingyu? Or dating? Do you want a boyfriend? Is that it?āĀ
āNo,ā You groaned, hitting your forehead against the table.Ā Ā
āSo?āĀ
āJust- I need alcohol if weĀ“re going to talk about this.āĀ
āOk, letĀ“s go to-āĀ
āWooyoung, itĀ“s 2 in the afternoon.āĀ
And so, he let it go for the moment, but the next time he saw a single drop of alcohol near you, he sat down next to you and crossed his hands like he meant business, a pointed look on his face.Ā
ā
Ā
āSo?āĀ
āThis is literally my first shot.āĀ
āThen take it.āĀ
āFine,ā You begrudgingly complied, and you hadnĀ“t even placed your glass back down before Wooyoung was already pouring you more. Figuring you werenĀ“t going to escape this conversation, you downed your second shot and sighed in defeat.Ā
āNow tell me why you arenĀ“t getting your back blown out at this very moment.āĀ
āItĀ“s really weird talking about sex with you.āĀ
āWe talk about sex all the time.āĀ
āYeah, about other people, not about me, or about you suddenly being willing to fuck me- āĀ
āNot suddenly.āĀ
āYeah, whatever. Pour me some more.āĀ
āThatĀ“s what I like to hear,ā He smirked at you, eyes glinting as he filled your glass up.Ā Ā
āY/N looks miserable,ā Mingi suddenly stated, dropping his body next to you on the couch coming from seemingly nowhere.Ā Ā
āDoesnĀ“t she?ā Wooyoung agreed, giving you a pointed look as you punched Mingi for the out-of-pocket comment.Ā
āWhere did you even come from?ā You asked the tall man next to you, excited for a change of topic.Ā
āThe kitchen,ā He absentmindedly answered you, hand busy filling up the glasses in front of you before handing you one. āTake a shot with me.āĀ
And so you did, hissing at the burning sensation and taking deep breaths to not gag at the taste of tequila.Ā
āOK, why does it look like your house burned down?ā The man turned his attention back to you after smashing the empty glass on the little center table in front of you.Ā
Damn it, Mingi.Ā
You didnĀ“t even have the time to begin forming any kind of excuses before WooyoungĀ answered for you in a heartbeat, āLittle Y/N over here is horny.āĀ
āJung Wooyoung!ā You gasped at his choice of words, thorn between hiding behind your hands, punching the man and apologizing to Mingi.Ā
Mingi, in turn, was frozen in shock mid pouring himself another shot. And you meant that the man wasnĀ“t even blinking, mouth open and hands stuck in the air holding the glass bottle which you took from him afraid he would break it.Ā
āSee what youĀ“ve done?ā You sighed to Wooyoung, elbowing his ribs as you tried waving your hand in front of MingiĀ“s face for a reaction.Ā Ā
āWait, what?ā Said man came back to life, his voice way higher than what youĀ“re used to.Ā
āYou heard it, man. She hasnĀ“t been fucked right in ages-āĀ
āWooyoung, you know what you said about wanting to keep up with your best friendĀ“s duties?ā You asked between gritted teeth, about ready to jump the man and rip all of his hair out. āThis is really not it.āĀ
āBut youĀ“re hot!ā Mingi seemed confused.Ā
āI told her that!ā Wooyoung ignored you. āI even told her youĀ“d volunteer to help her out-āĀ
āI so would-āĀ
āShut the fuck up, you two! Wooyoung, IĀ“m about a second away from blocking you on my phone and never seeing you again,ā You were also as close to ripping your own hair out. āYes IĀ“m horny, the whole world doesnĀ“t need to hear about it.āĀ Ā
Mingi noticed the crazy look behind your eyes and rubbed your back in comfort, he too knew what Wooyoung could do to people when he decided to be annoying.Ā Ā
āItĀ“s ok, love. WeĀ“ve all been there,ā Mingi assured you and his words did soothe you a bit.Ā Ā
āItĀ“s just ā You guys donĀ“t get it. ItĀ“s not about just sex. I know I could literally fuck anyone at this party if I wanted to, IĀ“m not dense. I guess I just miss dating but I donĀ“t really want to date anyone at the moment?āĀ
āSo like a friends with benefits thing?ā Wooyoung pressed.Ā
āNo, thatĀ“s just fucking with a fancy title. I mean like, I miss being touched and hugged and pampered and ā I donĀ“t know.āĀ
āEvery time I try to hug you, you freeze and glare at me!ā Mingi pouted.Ā
āIĀ“m just not a touchy person!āĀ
āI know! ThatĀ“s why IĀ“m not understanding what you want.āĀ
āJust forget it-āĀ
āI get it,ā Wooyoung interrupted.Ā Ā
āDo you?āĀ
āYeah.āĀ
āAre you sure?āĀ
āYou want a boyfriend without the obligations and feelings involved with a relationship. I was right, youĀ“re needy.āĀ
āOh,ā Apparently it made sense to Mingi too.Ā
āOk, and with that, I excuse myself,ā You say, already standing up to go find someone else to hang out with because you were definitely not ready for the rest of that conversation.Ā
ā
Ā
āWhat are you doing here?ā You asked in annoyance after opening the door to your place to a very content looking Wooyoung.Ā
"I came to be your boyfriend-not-boyfriend,ā He smiled proudly.Ā
"We're not fucking, Wooyoung,ā You managed to sigh and roll your eyes at the same time. "Which is exactly what I told you the other 50 times you suggested it."Ā
"Who said anything about fucking? I'm just here to force the touch-deprivation out of you. Now move, I brought snacks," He said as if he hadn't already pushed you out of the way about midway through his sentence.Ā Ā Ā
You sighed in defeat, accepting your peaceful quiet night was ruined - You hadn't even locked the door yet and Wooyoung was already sprawled on your couch organizing the snacks on your coffee table, making way more noise than necessary.Ā Ā
"At least you brought my favorite," You noticed, arms crossed as you stood up next to the couch.Ā Ā
"These are all your favorites," His eyes were even shining with the amount of pride he had for himself.Ā
"Says who?"Ā
"Says me."Ā
"You called Seonghwa, didn't you?"Ā
"Only about the chips."Ā
"Knew it."Ā
"It's not my fault you literally change your opinions every day."Ā
"Welcome to girlhood."Ā
"Now sit down and I'll put something on Netflix."Ā
"Wooyoung, why-"Ā
"Y/N, listen," It was his turn to sigh. "You helped me through a lot when everything happened with my grandpa and you were always there for me when shit went down, just let me help you this once however I can."Ā
"Ok, got it. Enough with the sentimental talk," You quickly obeyed. You didn't like serious Wooyoung.Ā Ā
"Now, are we feeling Criminal Minds?" He asked once you were sitting next to him, remote in hand.Ā
"Sounds great."Ā
āPerfect,ā Wooyoung agreed as he put on the show, quickly standing up to turn off the lights before sitting back down and opening his arms. āCome here.āĀ
āUh, I would rather not.āĀ
āI donĀ“t care, weĀ“re doing this.āĀ
āI donĀ“t think forcing me to cuddle you will help much-āĀ
āDo you want me to really force you? Because I can,ā He raised his eyebrow at you, arms still hanging in the air.Ā
āIĀ“m pretty sure IĀ“m stronger than you-āĀ
āOh my god, just shut up,ā He groaned and rolled his eyes at the same time, bending his body forward so he could grab onto your waist and pull you against his chest.Ā Ā
Ok, yeah. He was definitely stronger than you.Ā
āCan you not make it so difficult?ā He asked once he noticed how stiff you were in between his legs. āStretch your legs, relax.āĀ
You decided against reminding him that he was in fact forcing you to do this and obeyed, he was just trying to help after all and maybe he did have a point: Some human touch might help calm your mind down. Also, the quicker you played along, the sooner it would be over.Ā So, stretching your legs across the couch you did, letting your body relax against WooyoungĀ“s, who contently wrapped his arms around you as you both turned your attention towards the Tv.Ā Ā
Well, that lasted for about 10 minutes before you started feeling the heat of your friendĀ“s skin radiating and everything started making sense: Being held by someone you loved really was comforting. Huh, who would have guessed?Ā
You generally hated being touched by people but right now you kind of felt like a cat, wanting to rub your head on WooyoungĀ“s shirt and snuggle into his warmth.Ā Ā
āCan I play with your hair or will you bite my hand of?āĀ Ā
āYou can try,ā You answered, not wanting to admit he was right all along and that you would very much like more of whatever this was.Ā Ā
You could practically feel the roll of his eyes at your threatening tone as he pulled your head like you were just one big barbie doll, so your right cheek would be rested against his chest, turning your body to the side so now your right shoulder kind of met his chest instead of your back.Ā Ā
āOuch, you could be gentler,ā You complained, rubbing your forehead skin where his palm was planted seconds before.Ā Ā
āWhen you deserve it,ā He grunted, eyes fixed on the Tv.Ā Ā
āThat was not very let me help you of you.āĀ
It was easy to tell he bit back his comeback, simply taking a deep calming breath and burying his fingers in the hair behind your neck, gently rubbing the area ā Maybe you would purr. Judging you now had the upper hand, you decided to in return wrap your own arms around his wait so you could get comfortable and WooyoungĀ gave you a cocky victory smile.Ā
Damn it.Ā
The two of you went through the entire episode like that and you were so relaxed that when Wooyoung stood up to open the snacks and grab some wine, you didnĀ“t even complain about how that was a bad idea, sharing some glasses while you watched the second and third episodes and he tossed you around into every cuddling position you never even knew existed, discussing who you though were the killers and all the little gossips of the week.Ā
āYou could create like a cuddling Kama Sutra,ā You joked, kind of dizzy because of the drink ā or because you had an incredibly attractive man holding you for the past 2 hours or so.Ā Ā
āWill you quit complaining about my touchy personality now?ā He smiled.Ā
āNah, this was a one-time thing.āĀ
āAre you at least feeling a bit better?ā Wooyoung asked, adjusting himself on the couch to look at you since you were now sitting side to side after the last episode ended.Ā Ā
āYes, actually.āĀ
It was true, you were no longer feeling like you could rip your entire skin off if you went through another second of someone not touching you.Ā Ā
āI have one last move prepared,ā He informed excitedly.Ā
āWeĀ“re not fucki-āĀ
āOh my god, will you quit it with the fucking thing? If you keep bringing It up I might start thinking youĀ“re interested-āĀ
āWhat was the idea?ā You quickly asked, trying to cut the flirting off before it could lead your brain somewhere you spent the entire night not wanting to go.Ā Ā
āLet me give you a massage.āĀ
āWow, youĀ“re really invested in this helping me thing.āĀ Ā
āContrary to your big mouth, I am a good friend. Sit down right here,ā Wooyoung ordered, opening his legs and pointing to the space on the floor in between his feet. āTonight IĀ“ll take the neediness out of you the best I can since you refuse to go out and get some dick.āĀ
You rolled your eyes and ignored his remark, sitting down where he showed you and waiting silently as he gently gathered your hair and moved it out of the way. You cursed at how your skin erupted in goosebumps as his fingertips brushed against the side of your neck, your breath suddenly caught in your chest.Ā
You followed the realization that this was probably a horrible idea with another glass of wine, thankful he couldn't feel your heart beating fast.Ā Ā
Wooyoung worked his thumbs in circles, digging them between your scapulae and pressing them up until they reached your shoulders, which he squeezed in the perfect strength to get shivers running up your spine every minute as he repeated the motion over and over.Ā Ā
āHow are you so good at this?ā You whined, hating how your body was reaction to the touches.Ā
āThereĀ“s really nothing IĀ“m not good at.āĀ
āHumbleness,ā You offered.Ā
āThat was a clichĆ© answer, you can do better than that.āĀ
āI donĀ“t care, just please never stop.āĀ
āI get that a lot.āĀ
āDo you really need to make everything sexual?āĀ
āIĀ“ve always been that way, itĀ“s not my fault that now that youĀ“re horny itĀ“s bothering you.āĀ
You hated when he put it like that, because yes.Ā
And maybe the way he sometimes would squeeze your neck during the massage or just the fact that he was touching you, were getting you feeling some type of way you would rather he did not notice.Ā Ā
āIf you were a girl, youĀ“d understand,ā You groaned. āOvulation sucks.āĀ
āYou actually just gave yourself the perfect solution, why donĀ“t you fuck a girl?āĀ
Ā“Cause what I really want is fucking you.Ā
Oh, wow.Ā Ā
Where did that come from?Ā
āSpeaking of which, do you even know how to?ā You ask, admittedly kind of shy of asking such question.Ā Ā
āKnow how to what?āĀ
āLike, have- you like- With women?ā You try, motioning widely towards the couch with your hands as if it would help you get your point across so you wouldnĀ“t have to say the words.Ā
Wooyoung seemed to get it though, hands suddenly stopping on your back so you would look at him, āY/N, you do know I have fucked women, right?āĀ
āHow would I? You never told me!ā You whine.Ā
āI thought it would be disrespectful?āĀ
āBut when you told me how much you loved choking on SanĀ“s dick it wasnĀ“t?āĀ
āWell, no-āĀ
āOr when you literally shared about how you thought about your fingers inside of me?āĀ
āYou asked for it!āĀ
āI donĀ“t believe you,ā You narrowed your eyes towards him. āThereĀ“s no way I wouldnĀ“t have known.āĀ
āDo you want like a list or something?āĀ
āWhat? No! That would be disrespectful.āĀ
āSee?āĀ
āOk, no, wait. Just tell me this: Lauren?āĀ
āYes.āĀ
āWooyoung, nooooo!ā You whined.Ā
āWhat? SheĀ“s hot!ā He was exasperated.Ā
āOh my god, everything makes so much sense now.āĀ
āWait, did you really think I was gay? WeĀ“ve know each other for years! I talk about women all the time!āĀ
āYeah, but I thought you talked about women like Kevin talks about BeyoncĆ©! Like in aĀ slayy pussy Ā queennn way, not in a IĀ“d want to fuck her way.āĀ Ā
āWould you like me to go around harassing women?āĀ
āNo, listen: I didnĀ“t think you were gay, I just kind of never thought about it?āĀ
"You though I was just joking around with you the other day and you still got all hot and bothered?" Would he quit teasing you? "Kinky."Ā
āI thought you were playing and I didn't get any way!"Ā
āWhatever you say, princess - Wait, why did you think Ali was always hanging around my neck all these months?āĀ
āI just thought she was kind of crazy ā Wait, did you fuck her that good? She wouldnĀ“t leave us alone for a second, it was driving me insane."Ā
āI just told you thereĀ“s nothing IĀ“m not good at,ā He winked at you with a cocky smile on his face.Ā
You wanted to die.Ā Ā
āWooyoung,ā You warned.Ā
āAwn, am I getting to you?ā His tone was so sarcastic and condescending that a fire burned inside of you that you were afraid was never going out.Ā Ā
āItĀ“s the wine,ā You assured, more yourself than him.Ā
āItĀ“s always something.āĀ
āSee? ThatĀ“s why I told you I didnĀ“t want to be alone with you.āĀ
āAfraid youĀ“ll jump me?ā He mocked. āIĀ“m not scared.āĀ
"Just shut up. If whatever you're saying is true, I just want you to know you have the worst taste in women ever."Ā
"Well, considering I would love to taste you more than I would anyone else, I agree," He played with your words.Ā Ā
āGo wash the glasses,ā You ordered, the skin under your cheeks burning.Ā Ā
āYes, maāam,ā He answered with a laugh, immediately standing up and following along.Ā Ā
When you were alone in the living room, your face fell between your hands in despair.Ā
You fucking hated Jung Wooyoung and his fucking giant noise.Ā
ā
Ā Ā
Stupid fucking Jung Wooyoung.Ā Ā
Fucking hell.Ā Ā
Cursed be the day that man was born and cursed be the hospital and the doctors and the nurses and everyone in the world for all you cared.Ā
Your entire body was filled with rage as you opened the stupid coffee maker to pour the water into the compartment ā which you had of course forgotten to fill 10 minutes earlier and almost burnt the whole office down. How would you explain to your boss that you started a fire because your brain was simply too busy flashing images of you sitting on your stupid annoying best friendĀ“s face for the past 4 hours?Ā
It has been 2 days since the day at your place, 2 nights since you've gotten a decent night of sleep. "Why is that?" One would ask. Well, the answer would be that your useless brain decided to sabotage you, having you dream about your best friend over and over again ā Which wouldn't be so bad if 90% of the dreams didn't consist of you ridding said best friend's face, waking up sweating and wanting to scream.Ā
At this point you just wanted to break Wooyoung's nose with a punch, so you'd never have to think about it again. After almost ripping your hair out in front of your computer, you decided on texting Hoshi for Mingyu's number - That's how desperate you were to get stupid fucking Jung Wooyoung out of your head. At least your friend assured that your ex was indeed single now and still didn't hate you, which was enough for you.Ā Ā
Not really knowing how to tell your ex-boyfriend, after so much time has passed, that you just wanted him to throw you around, things weren't going as fast as planned and you couldn't keep avoiding Wooyoung forever ā One, because he has no sense of boundaries and would just show up at your place if you ignored him and two, you really didn't want to have the conversation that would go down when he found out why you weren't around.Ā Ā
It'd been over a week since you last saw Wooyoung in person, you were still in the talking stages with Mingyu, dreaming about your friend every fucking night and staring at his picture on the chatting app for hours while wanting to die. Now, you kind of genuinely didn't care anymore, Mingi and Wooyoung were right, maybe this was just about getting some dick ā and you would find out if one could die of horniness if you didn't get some soon.Ā Ā
It was Saturday night, Hongjoong decided to throw a small party at his place to celebrate his birthday and you figured alcohol was a good solution since stabbing a knife into your brain wasn't an option. You even invited Mingyu, hoping in person and after a few drinks you'd figure how to ask him to bend you over ā The man said he would be pretty late because of previous scheduled commitments but that he would go. Your ex was an incredibly attractive man who knew his way around a lady, maybe you would see all your problems flying away after tonight.Ā
Except that after your first cup and some chatting with Mingi and Seonghwa on Hongjoong's couch, Wooyoung decided to arrive.Ā Ā
You took one (1) - ONE, UNO - look at the man and grabbed your phone, shooting Mingyu a text: donĀ“t come, partyĀ“s canceled.Ā
āBro, your hair looks sick!ā Mingi shouted before your brain could even begin to process what you were seeing.Ā
You were the one actually about to be sick.Ā
āDecided to try something new,ā Wooyoung smirked, jumping over the back of the couch to sit next to you.Ā
You simply stared at him dumbfounded, glad he was too busy stealing the drink from your hands to notice your mouth wide open.Ā Ā
Jung Wooyoung just showed up to the party with the bottom part and the front strands of his hair dyed blonde and you werenĀ“t sure what kind of look that even was but you felt like it genuinely changed your whole life. You were pretty sure you got goosebumps when you first looked at him, lucky you were sitting down with the way your legs got weak.Ā
āWhat do you think about it?ā He asked you after he was content with finishing what was left in your cup.Ā
āI hate it.āĀ
Well, you werenĀ“t lying. Your nails were literally digging into the palm of your hands to try and get your head back in place - The new look made his skin look tanner, the mole under his eye darker, the shape of his nose -Ā
Ā The way he pushed his hair back, blonde strands surrounding his face -Ā
No, nop.Ā
No.Ā
āSince I know youĀ“re joking, IĀ“m gonna go say hi to Hongjoong and grab us more drinks so we can get this party started.āĀ
You let him go with absolutely no fight, eyes wide and glued to his form until he was out of your sight as Seonghwa led him to where the birthday boy was supposed to be.Ā
āAre you ok?ā Mingi asked, noticing the crazy look on your face.Ā
āI need Wooyoung to fuck me.āĀ
Your brain definitely was short-circuiting.Ā
āOh. Wow. Ok.āĀ
āIĀ“m being serious. And IĀ“m not happy about it.āĀ
āHasnĀ“t he been offering for like weeks now?āĀ
āYeah.āĀ
āSo just go and tell him.āĀ
āThatĀ“s not how it works.āĀ
āOh my god, why do you have to be so complicated?āĀ
āI need him to offer again so I can say no, then when he insists, I will give in and pretend IĀ“m kind of thorn about it.āĀ
āAnd why is that?āĀ
āSo he doesnĀ“t know he won! And I donĀ“t like being vulnerable or whatever.āĀ
āI know we said you need some dick, but maybe you just need some therapy.āĀ
āYeah, that too, but what I really need right now is your help.āĀ
āSure,ā Mingi shrugged. ThatĀ“s what you liked about him, things were simple with him.Ā
āI need him to think IĀ“m horny.āĀ
āYou are horny.āĀ
āYeah, but I need him to see it so he will joke about helping me out again.āĀ
āAnd how are you going to do that?āĀ
āWell, I could stand here with a bitch face all night, but itĀ“s JoongĀ“s birthday so I donĀ“t really want to be like that. I donĀ“t really have any other ideas-āĀ
āTouch me.āĀ
āWhat?āĀ
āLike, be touchy with me.āĀ
āOh, that could work.āĀ
āThat will definitely work.āĀ
āYouĀ“re good,ā You complimented.Ā
āYou should come to me for help more often.āĀ
āDonĀ“t push it.āĀ
āFine.āĀ
āYouĀ“re invested, huh?āĀ
āMove closer,ā He ordered and you obeyed, sitting sideways on the couch so you were turned towards him, left knee touching his thigh. āLean forward and put your hand on my thigh.āĀ
Despite your bodyĀ“s discontent, you did as told.Ā
āAnd donĀ“t flinch when I touch you,ā He warned.Ā Ā
āI feel like a spy,ā You joked.Ā
āAll this because you canĀ“t tell a guy you want to fuck,ā He rolled his eyes.Ā
āCĀ“mon, pretend youĀ“re not enjoying this, I dare you.āĀ
āTouchĆ©.āĀ
When your friends came back with more people tagging along, the first thing you noticed was the way WooyoungĀ“s gaze traveled immediately to your hand on MingiĀ“s thighs.Ā Ā
Ok, yeah, this could definitely work.Ā
āHere, princess,ā He handed you your drink, which you grabbed with your free hand.Ā Ā
āThanks Wooyo,ā You smiled at the man before turning your attention back to Mingi, not missing the way your friend squeezed his eyes at you.Ā Ā
Thankfully, Wooyoung didnĀ“t say anything about it, sitting down on the floor in front of the couch as a circle naturally formed in the living room so everyone could play something, and the first choice was the 007 game. You went along with the plan, hitting MingiĀ“s thigh instead of your own, touching his arm when you had to laugh, not going stiff when his hand met the skin almost at the hem of your skirt.Ā
You know what? Mingi was actually really hot too, if this night didnĀ“t end how you expected it to, you were so horny you were just about considering asking him to fuck you.Ā Ā
Whenever you looked in WooyoungĀ“s direction, you could practically see the engines turning in his head. It was just a matter of time now and you were already feeling shaky with excitement, which you werenĀ“t exactly thrilled about ā But then you looked at him again with that stupid hair and that stupid nose and that stupid half-unbuttoned shirt and decided that to hell with your morals and ethics.Ā
Mingi apparently decided his role in the ploy wasnĀ“t enough for him, since after an hour or so passed by and people started standing up to go after more drinks or socialize with other people, he waited for Wooyoung to approach before asking loud and clear, āSo, any luck with the getting some dick thing?āĀ
You were not exactly a good actress but you did know how to flirt, so not really knowing how else to react to the sudden improvisation, you smiled at him, āWhy? Know someone interested?āĀ
āYeah, nice to meet you. IĀ“m Song Mingi,ā He half-joked, hand still heavy on your thigh. āOh, Wooyoung. YouĀ“re here, didnĀ“t see you there.āĀ
He was good, you had to give him that.Ā
āI can see why,ā Wooyoung answered, eyes pointing at the contact between you two.Ā Ā
āJealous?ā Mingi asked his friend, his tone was humorous, but you could see the challenge in his eyes. Even though he was just playing, he couldnĀ“t help being an egotistical Leo.Ā
āI wouldnĀ“t say jealous is the right word.āĀ
āDid you know Y/N invited Mingyu over?ā Mingi laughed.Ā
Wooyoung raised an eyebrow at you, eyes dancing with amusement.Ā Ā
āI already uninvited him, asshole.āļæ½ļæ½
āIs that why youĀ“re all touchy today?āĀ Mingi asked. Ok, you would have to buy him some ice cream after the phenomenal performance he was delivering. āThought you would convince her to fuck someone, Woo.āĀ
āBelieve me, I tried,ā He shrugged.Ā
āCan we quit talking about me like IĀ“m not here? Also, IĀ“m not an animal in heat, stop being weird.āĀ
Well, werenĀ“t you?Ā Ā
Really?Ā
āYou sure seem like it,ā Wooyoung completed.Ā
āYou look hornier than me, Wooyoung.āĀ
āIĀ“m not denying it,ā He stated matter-of-factly.Ā
āOh shit, I forgot my phone with Yunho,ā Mingi cursed, suddenly petting his pockets. He was so convincing you almost forgot he was helping you out. āShit, shit, shit. IĀ“ll be back later.āĀ
With that he stood up and quickly marched out of the living room, Wooyoung lazily taking his place next to you on the couch.Ā
āWere you really about to let Mingi fuck you?āĀ
āMaybe?ā You answer, and well, that wasnĀ“t a lie either.Ā
āOuch, that kind of hurts my ego.āĀ
āMingi and I are just friends, now you and I are best friends. ThereĀ“s a huge difference there.āĀ
āSo, youĀ“re saying youĀ“d fuck me if we werenĀ“t best friends?ā He joked. āWow, thank you. IĀ“m shy now. No need for all these compliments.āĀ
You rolled your eyes, not sure what to say that would lead you towards what you wanted, choosing to just be normal and hope the night would eventually get you there.Ā
āWhy did you cancel on Mingyu?āĀ
āDidnĀ“t think he would throw me around today.āĀ
āSomeoneĀ“s getting bold.āĀ
āShut up.āĀ
āI actually like frustrated Y/N, itĀ“s hot.āĀ
āThen stop bothering me to fuck someone and let me be frustrated in peace.āĀ
āWell, that seems nice but IĀ“m sure youĀ“d look much hotter getting the frustration out.āĀ
āAre we back to the āyou imagining someone fucking meā thing?āĀ
āI could correct you once again saying that IĀ“m not imagining someone else, but since youĀ“ve made it pretty clear that youĀ“re not interested, IĀ“m not going to.āĀ
That was it, that was your moment.Ā
āAnd what if I tell you maybe I am?āĀ
He stopped to give you a knowing cocky smirk that made you immediately regret raising the white flag, āI know.āĀ
āWhat? Ho- No -āĀ
āY/N, you wouldnĀ“t stop staring at me like you wanted me to destroy you in front of everyone while Mingi literally had his hand on you.āĀ
āThatĀ“s not -āĀ
āDo I have to pretend I think you were squirming because of him and not me? I can play dumb if youĀ“d like. I can even go call him back if you tell me you werenĀ“t wishing it was my hand almost getting under your skirt instead of his. So, are you going to give in now or are we going to keep playing this game?āĀ
āWooyoung-āĀ
āWeĀ“re best friends, I know. But I donĀ“t see how you avoiding me because you get wet every time IĀ“m around is doing our friendship any favors either.āĀ
Ok, he did make a pretty good case even though you were already convinced like an hour ago.Ā
āYouĀ“re right.āĀ
āI know.āĀ
āSo?āĀ
āIĀ“m not fucking you at HongjoongĀ“s.āĀ
You stared at him, completely dumbfounded ā also not liking how the tables have turned one bit. Wooyoung in turn laughed and sent you another playful wink, āTrust me, you wonĀ“t want anyone around.āĀ
āIt took a lot from me to come to terms with this, so weĀ“re either doing it tonight or weĀ“re not doing it.āĀ
āOh, princess,ā He gave you a condescending look that got you wanting to rip his hair out. āI find that hard to believe, but I appreciate the enthusiasm.āĀ
āWooyoung-āĀ
āY/n,ā His voice was calm, hand finding its place on your thigh where MingiĀ“s was earlier, except this time the touch burned and got you fighting for your life not to squirm. āI said IĀ“m not fucking you at HongjoongĀ“s, not that IĀ“m not fucking you.āĀ
āThen letĀ“s go.āĀ
āNow, that would be rude, wouldnĀ“t it?āĀ
āWhy are being like this?ā You whined, about a second away from actually hitting the cockiness out of him.Ā Ā
āYou have this needy look in your eyes, like youĀ“re ready to drop down and beg at any moment,ā He smiled, his free hand gently tucking your hair behind your ear like he wasnĀ“t talking about you on your knees. āItĀ“s cute.āĀ
āYou know what will be cute? When I ask Mingi to fuck me instead.āĀ
āIf you can go to Hongjoong, in front of everyone, and tell him that we need to leave his birthday party right now because you canĀ“t wait for me to fuck you, IĀ“m good to go.āĀ
āHave you always been this annoying?āĀ
āOnly when I know youĀ“ll like it.āĀ
āYou know you were the one asking to fuck me for weeks, right?āĀ
āI know.āĀ
āYou just know everything, donĀ“t you?āĀ
āSee? YouĀ“re hot when youĀ“re frustrated.āĀ
āYou think IĀ“m sexually frustrated but now IĀ“m actually just mad at you.ā He simply smiled at you in return, and you rolled your eyes once you realized where you had dug your grave, āI forgot you have a degradation kink or whatever. CanĀ“t even be angry at you in peace anymore.āĀ
āIf youĀ“re really mad at me, we should fix that. I wouldnĀ“t want my best friend to be angry at me.āĀ
āI donĀ“t think itĀ“s possible to fix it considering being annoying itĀ“s like your whole personality. Point proven.āĀ
āCome say that closer,ā He winked playfully, and you seriously would cringe at the number of times that man has winked at you if he wasnĀ“t Wooyoung.Ā Ā
Ok, coming completely clean: You were also kind of annoyed at the way you were definitely getting wet at the banter between the two of you, like teasing each other wasnĀ“t what your whole friendship has been about for years.Ā
It also helped that WooyoungĀ“s hand was still on your thigh, veins sticking out and fingers filled with rings that you just couldnĀ“t stop picturing against the skin on your neck.Ā Ā
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.Ā
It took a second to decide if you would actually listen to that one braincell fighting for its life inside your head or not, but in the end, you decided against it, quickly standing up so you could sit on WooyoungĀ“s lap and take him by surprise as you straddled his thighs, one of your knees on each side of legs.Ā Ā
Yeah, there was definitely something pulsing in between your legs. Fucking hell.Ā
You moved too quicky for Wooyoung to process what was going on, so it really was amusing the way he violently jerked once you moved your head closer, lips almost brushing his ears as you whispered, āWhat do you want me to say?āĀ
For a second you had almost forgotten it was Jung Wooyoung under you, but he was fast to remind you as one of his hands found its place on the side of your thigh and the other grabbed onto your waist, where his thumb brushed gentle circles against your exposed skin. He took advantage of the fact you were already bent down to say against your ear this time, āYou never told me.āĀ
āWhat?ā You asked, creating some distance between you so you could look at the smirk on his face and because you didnĀ“t quite like the way you got weak when you felt his breath against your skin so closely.Ā
āThe other day, we made a deal. You said you would tell me what you imagined me doing to you if I told you first, but you ran away after I completed my part. You owe me.āĀ
Under regular circumstances you would have stood up and left right then and there, but the way his palms met the front part of your thighs and started rubbing them up and down, a bit higher each time, got you wanting to play his game to see where it would end.Ā
āYouĀ“re right. That day was the first time I ever thought about you sexually, and you know what triggered it?āĀ
āWhat?ā He smiled at the way goosebumps erupted all over your skin under his touches.Ā
āYour nose.āĀ
āSo you like my nose?āĀ
āAnd your lips, but mostly your nose.āĀ
"And what about my lips and nose?"Ā
"Was just thinking about how good they'd feel under me," You look into his eyes, centimeters away from yours, thankful that Hongjoong had deemed the lights at some point of the night and now Wooyoung's face was illuminated only by a pink hue, coming from a fake sunset light your friend had bought on AliExpress.Ā
"That's good, ācause I've never wanted someone to sit on my face so bad before."Ā
āCareful,ā You warned, inching your face closer to his, toying with the buttons on his shirt as your lips were almost brushing. āWe still need to go back to being friends after we fuck and get this off our systems.āĀ
"Iām sure we can manage," He smiled, inching closer himself so now your lips were indeed touching as he continued speaking. "I'm a good friend after all."Ā
"Kiss me then, I dare you," You breathed out, shooting your last shot.Ā
He laughed at that, "You know I never back down from a challenge."Ā
But well, it worked.Ā
Wooyoung made his words true, grabbing onto your waist with a firmness that you didn't know he had to pull you closer. With your chests now glued, his lips finally pressed against yours and you hated yourself for not being disappointed. You so wanted the man to be all bark and no bite, but the moment his tongue met yours you understood why that girl wouldn't leave him alone. You had indeed kissed many people before, but it had never felt like this - and also, you were right, his plush lips were definitely something to obsess over.Ā
What didn't surprise you at all, was that like in everything else, Wooyoung was a tease. In some moments when you would deepen the kiss, he would pull back a bit and bite on your bottom lip just to laugh when you groaned in annoyance. When he felt you were getting frustrated at his little games, he would grab onto your hips and grind them against his ā which well, definitely got your mind to stop thinking about how insufferable he was. Good thing you knew how to play too, hands finding the roots of his hair to pull harshly on it, almost passing out at the whine he let out.Ā Ā
"I love that you're wearing a skirt," He groaned out.Ā
"Why is that?" You were so breathless you almost got embarrassed.Ā
"I can feel how wet you are."Ā
Fuck.Ā
"You must be imagining things."Ā
"Oh, am I?" The cunning smile he gave you along with those words should have prepared you.Ā
It really shouldn't have surprised you when one of his hands left your ass and snaked its way in between your bodies. You leaned back a little to try and understand what was happening, giving Wooyoung all the access he needed to get his hand under your skirt and press the pad of his middle finger right on your clit over your panties.Ā
"Told ya," He smirked in content at the way you gasped involuntarily.Ā Ā
"Wooyoung-"Ā
"What? Weren't you the one who couldn't wait?" He teased, rubbing slow circles with his finger. "If you're already soaked like this, I can't even imagine what it would be like if I just pushed your panties to the side-"Ā
"No-" You whined, thorn between just letting him do whatever he wanted or stopping him - since you were very much in the middle of your friend's living room and there were people around.Ā
"Getting shy now?"Ā Ā
āWooyoung.āĀ
āThatĀ“s my name,ā You could see in his eyes how much fun he was having teasing you.Ā
āYou want me to stop teasing or stop touching you?ā He mocked with a smile on his face, finger still working on you as you fought with all your life to not squirm on his lap.Ā
āYou know what? If you want everyone to see, I can put on a show,ā You sighed, accepting defeat.Ā
You expected Wooyoung to smirk once again but was instead surprised when he stopped and retreated his hand, adjusting your skirt back in place. Your heart dropped at the sight, searching for answers in his eyes, but they were busy looking somewhere else: Mingi had gotten back. You could see the way the tall man was frozen at the entrance, eyes wide and hand once again stuck in the air ā this time holding his wallet proudly.Ā
You sent a glare at the intruder (as if there were not at least 10 other people in the room). The moment MingiĀ“s eyes caught yours, he jumped as if he had just woken up from a nap and he tried mouthing something like āsorryā and āoh shitā so you just rolled your eyes and motioned with your hand for him to move along, preferably far away. He seemed to get the message, almost tripping with how fast he spun on his heels and left.Ā Ā
āWhat? WerenĀ“t you the one who wanted everyone to know?ā You asked Wooyoung, tone pointy as you climbed off his lap. It was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over you. THIS WAS JUNG WOOYOUNG.Ā
YOUR BEST FRIEND JUNG WOOYOUNG.Ā
THE GUY WHO MADE YOU DRESS LIKE A CHEERLEADER TO GO TO HIS COLLEGE SOCCER GAMES AND CHEER FOR HIM, THE GUY WHO BURPED AND LAUGHED AT HIS OWN DISGUSTINESS, THE GUY WHO DID A CRISTIANO RONALDO IMPRESSION EVERYTIME HE WON SOMETHING, THE GUY YOU HAD TO ONCE RESCUE FROM A PIG FARM AFTER DRINKING WAY TOO MUCH!Ā
āYeah, but I guess my protective best friend side spoke louder,ā He sighed too, fixing his pants. āDonĀ“t be mad.āĀ
āIĀ“m not mad.āĀ
āYes, you are.āĀ
āYes, IĀ“m mad. Ok? Cause now the magic is over or whatever and I realized youĀ“re my best friend and we canĀ“t fuck.āĀ
He turned around on the couch to be able to look into your eyes, his searching. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, so he simply closed his eyes, sighed once again and stood up, offering his hand, āCĀ“mon. Let me take you home.āĀ
āSo, Mingyu huh?ā Wooyoung asked, one hand on the wheel and the other on the gear.Ā Ā
āDonĀ“t do that.āĀ
āDo what?āĀ
āAsk about another man and pretend everythingĀ“s normal.āĀ
āWell, I guessed that now that we canĀ“t fuck we can go back to being normal best friends.āĀ
You locked your jaw and crossed your arms. You were angry and you didnĀ“t even know what for ā But you expected Wooyoung to fix it, nonetheless.Ā
āUse your words.āĀ
āNo.āĀ
āOk, then. Silent ride it is.āĀ
You huffed; aware you were acting like a spoiled child, but you were just angry at the mess inside your head and that your friend was not able to read your mind and untangle everything so it made sense. Maybe you really were just spoiled and angry you didnĀ“t get what you wanted when you wanted.Ā
āOh. I get it now.āĀ
āWhat?ā Wooyoung asked, eyes moving from the road for a second to look at you.Ā
āWhen you call me a brat. I get it now.āĀ
āI was searching my brain for plausible reasons for you to be all sulky, for you to admit you were mad just because I didnĀ“t fuck you at the party?āĀ
āYeah? Not just that, but you know I donĀ“t like when things donĀ“t go my way, I just wanted everything to happen fast so I wouldnĀ“t have time to think about it but then when I thought about it, I felt bad because I still wanted it to happen but I know it shouldnĀ“t.āĀ
āY/N, itĀ“s sex.āĀ
āDonĀ“t make me sound stupid.āĀ
āIĀ“m not, youĀ“re just really overthinking this.āĀ
āYeah, thatĀ“s the whole point. And itĀ“s all your fault, so you see why IĀ“m mad now?āĀ
āYes. IĀ“m the worst.āĀ
āYou are.āĀ
āNot when I fuck you, thought.āĀ
āThe moment has passed, Wooyoung. The train has left the station. Deal with it.āĀ
āIf you say so. Are you opening the garage, or should I park outside?āĀ
āI didnĀ“t bring the tag ā Wait, are you going up?āĀ
āStreet it is then.āĀ
āAnswer me, stupid.āĀ
āYes, IĀ“m going up.āĀ
āWhat for?āĀ
āYou said it yourself, if weĀ“re best friends and nothing more is ever happening, there should be no problem with me sleeping over, right? WeĀ“ve done it thousands of times.āĀ
āYeah,ā You squeezed your eyes at him. You knew what game he was playing, trying to prove you wrong ā But you were also convinced you were more stubborn than him and that you would instead prove him wrong.Ā
āSlumber party, fun!ā He exclaimed, taking the key out and tapping your thigh before leaving his car.Ā
āSince this was kind of last minute,ā You heard WooyoungĀ“s voice approaching your room, āI didnĀ“t really bring any clothes.āĀ
And there he was, next to your bed in nothing but a towel around his hips, long messy hair slightly dripping down his torso and toothbrush in his mouth, looking all casual like you both knew he wasnĀ“t doing this on purpose.Ā Ā
The fact that it was working only made you even more annoyed.Ā
āYou know where the drawer with your stuff is,ā You groaned, pretending to look at your nails.Ā
He looked way too smug as he turned to your closet, opening said drawer to pull out some sweatpants. You kind of expected (or is it hoped the right word?) that he would just unknot the towel and expose himself to try and seduce you, but he behaved and simply pulled the pants under the fabric before unwrapping it.Ā Ā
āHave you not heard about underwear?āĀ
āHave you not heard that itĀ“s healthier to sleep without it? You should hang out with me more, I can teach you a lot.āĀ
āYeah, I already see you enough, thanks.āĀ
āCome dry my hair.āĀ
āI think youĀ“re perfectly capable of doing that yourself.āĀ
āYeah, but I like when you do it.āĀ
You rolled your eyes and groaned, pushing the blanket out of you, āFine.āĀ
Wooyoung walked to the bathroom in front of you, surely having planned the way his back and arms looked from behind. You had seen him without a shirt hundreds of times already, why did you feel like you wanted to jump him now?!!?!?!?Ā You figured you were over it after coming back to your senses but oh boy, were you wrong.Ā
āHas San been dragging you to the gym?ā You asked as he bent over to get the hair dryer from the bottom drawer. You figured making small talk and acting normally would keep your brain busy.Ā
āYeah. And you would know that if you opened the hundreds of snaps I send you every day.āĀ
āIĀ“m not 14, Wooyoung. Snapchat died in 2015, sorry to inform you,ā You joked as you plugged the dryer he handed you. āGive me the towel.āĀ
He did as told, sitting down on your toilet as you started drying the water excess from his hair. Doing your best so no part of your arm or leg would accidentally touch his skin since you could feel the heat emanating from it.Ā
That was no way of living.Ā
Once the towel was completely damp, you tossed it on the floor and grabbed a brush, ignoring how he closed his eyes in appreciation at the touch. You fucking hated him and the way your heart was beating fast for absolutely no reason.Ā Ā
Now untangled, you reached over to get the hair dryer once again but were stopped with a soft touch to the side of your leg.Ā
You looked down at the man expecting an answer and he simply gave you a lazy smile, gently grabbing your wrist and pulling you in between his legs, āCome here. Let me look at you while you do it.āĀ
Well, you let him pull you along because there was nothing really sexual about it, Wooyoung was just a touchy person and he looked like he was about to fall asleep anyways.Ā Ā
You turned on the dryer and used your fingers to move his hair around so the heat would get to his roots, feeling the skin of your face heat up at the way he hummed in content. Wooyoung had a lot of hair, and not just that, but he had a lot of thick hair, so you were already aware you would spend a long time in there, appreciating the silence and the fact he was pretty much out of it so you could let your guard down.Ā
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY you jumped in surprise when both of his hands found their way to the side of your thighs, just very softly rubbing them up and down as you dried his strands, goosebumps erupting all over your body at the delicate touch.Ā Ā
Once again, just sleepy touchy Wooyoung.Ā
Nothing new, nothing to fuss over.Ā
Except YOU WERE FUSSING OVER IT BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN YOU FELT A PULSE WHERE YOU DIDNĀ“T WANT TO FEEL A PULSE.Ā
This whole situation was just so domestic and nice that it scratched a very specific part of your brain that got you wanting to live in that moment forever ā except maybe not with your best FRIEND.Ā
āI like when you touch me,ā His raw voice came out softly. āYou donĀ“t do it a lot, so I have to enjoy every chance I get.āĀ
You didnĀ“t have an answer to that, the only thing you could think to say was āstopā but how could he stop when he wasnĀ“t even doing anything to begin with? This time it was not his fault that your mind was in the gutter.Ā
āYou have enough people touching you already,ā You managed to string a few words.Ā
āYeah, but it feels nicer when itĀ“s you,ā He opened his eyes, you could see the sincerity in them and you felt bad that you kind of just wanted to punch him and run away.Ā
You were also surprised by the sudden unexpected eye contact, which explains why you accidentally pulled one of his strands a bit harshly. WHAT WASNĀ“T EXPLAINED THOUGH, WAS THE LOW MOAN HE LET OUT AND THE WAY HIS EYES CLOSED AS HIS MOUTH PARTED. OR THE WAY YOURS HUNG OPEN TOO AT THE SOUND OR THE WAY YOU COULDNĀ“T STOP STARING AT THE STUPID MOLE ON HIS LIP.Ā
It was a moment of insanity, a few seconds when your soul was out of your body; when you tentatively pulled on his hair again, feeling his nails digging into the skin of your thighs and his breathing getting heavier, yours matching.Ā
āIf you really donĀ“t want us to fuck then youĀ“re just being cruel right now,ā He breathed out, eyes still closed as his forehead met your abdomen.Ā Ā
āI donĀ“t?āĀ
āIs that a question?āĀ
āNo. I donĀ“t. I think your hair is dry.āĀ
āItĀ“s definitely not,ā He argued, raising his head once again. āCĀ“mon, finish it. No funny business, I promise.āĀ
You wanted to tell him itĀ“s not him you were worried about, itās the way your own body was betraying you that bothered you, but you took a deep breath and continued with the work, doing your best to ignore his eyes on you or how his hands were once again toying with your thighs or how his thighs were touching your legs or how he was centimeters away from you.Ā
Yeah, a lot of things to ignore.Ā
Was your bathroom always this small?Ā
āYou smell nice.āĀ
āI shower once in a while,ā You agreed. āAnd you said no funny business.āĀ
āIĀ“m complimenting you, how is that sexual?āĀ
āItĀ“s not,ā You agreed.Ā
He smirked at you because he too was well aware of the tension, if the way his sweatpants were suddenly tight were anything to go by. Thankfully he didnĀ“t answer because you donĀ“t think you could continue to ignore it if he mentioned he was getting hard just by you drying his hair.Ā
Eventually, after what felt like days, you finally turned off the dryer and prayed he would agree to your suggestion, āYouĀ“re done. Wanna sleep?āĀ
āNop, this is a slumber party.āĀ
āWhat? You want to have a pillow fight now or do facemasks and gossip?ā You rolled your eyes.Ā
āAlthough the first option sounds fun, I was thinking we can watch something until we fall asleep.āĀ
Watch something.Ā
Until you fell asleep.Ā
In your bed.Ā
Sure, what could go wrong?Ā
āWhat are you doing?ā Wooyoung asked amusedly.Ā
āBuilding a barrier between our sides of the bed.āĀ
He laughed loudly at that, crawling into the bed too and taking the pillows from where you were organizing them, āWooyoung!āĀ
āShut up, you enjoyed cuddling once and you will enjoy it again.āĀ
āAbsolutely not.āĀ
āWhat? Afraid you wonĀ“t be able to resist me? I thought we were just friends,ā He teased.Ā
āVery funny-āĀ
āBecause if youĀ“re interested we can just skip the foreplay and go straight to āāĀ
āWhat do you want to watch?āĀ
You ignored his low chuckle, giving up on fighting for the pillows and getting comfortable on your bed so you could turn on the TV.Ā
āCommunity?āĀ
āGreat,ā You agreed between gritted teeth, opening the Netflix app and putting on the show from where you two had stopped it as Wooyoung fluffed the pillows behind his back next to you.Ā Ā
This time he didnĀ“t even ask before pulling you in between his legs, your back against his chest. You didnĀ“t even fight it because honestly, what for? You simply groaned as you felt him searching for the light switch on the wall over your bed.Ā Ā
āDonĀ“t pretend you donĀ“t enjoy it, IĀ“ve got you all figured out now.āĀ
āYeah yeah, believe what you want to.āĀ
āShut up, IĀ“m trying to watch the show.āĀ
You huffed, rolled your eyes and crossed your arms all at the same time. You knew it wasnĀ“t at him you were annoyed ā although he was sure making a great job at feeding into it.Ā Ā
You also immediately regretted wearing shorts as the palms of his hands splayed over your thighs.Ā Ā
āItĀ“s too hot,ā You complained, hoping he would let you go.Ā
Wooyoung simply stretched out one of his hands and grabbed the AC remote, turning it on before tossing it away and returning his palm to your thigh. His silence told you he was focused on the show and you truly wish you could say the same about yourself, but instead, your eyes were glued to the sight in front of you like it was a car wreck, not being able to look away no matter how much your brain ordered you to. Your knees were bent, your thighs almost touching your chest, so his hands were just right there in your line of sight, all veiny and calloused.Ā Ā
The harder you tried to stir your mind away and pay attention to the TV, the more your brain looked like a Wattpad fanfic written by a 40-year-old who just got divorced and discovered sex wasn't just missionary. The conversation you had with Wooyoung about how the girls he fucked became literally obsessed with him kept flashing into your head and you were legitimately about to bite onto your fist and scream for 7 whole minutes.Ā Ā Ā
Your mental breakdown however was interrupted by the man behind you, who with no words started tracing his fingers ā seemingly ā unpresumptuously over your skin. You ignored it because you had no energy to fight it and as long as it stayed PG-rated it would be fine.Ā Ā
The soft touches plus the very cold wind from the AC hitting you got goosebumps to erupt up your skin and you just felt how your nipples were suddenly sensitive against the fabric of your shirt and WooyoungĀ“s hand were just there, mere centimeters away and oh, you so desperately wanted him to touch them. In fact, you wanted it so badly you were fighting for your life to keep the uncomfortable squirming to a minimum.Ā Ā
Thankfully, Wooyoung didnĀ“t notice it ā deep down you knew he was just pretending not to for your sake, but if he could, so would you.Ā Ā
āWho do you think is hotter, Annie or Britta?ā His voice suddenly, almost against your ear, shocked you. āOh, jumpy, are we?āĀ
āShut up, I was just startled.āĀ
āSo?āĀ
āBritta.āĀ
āSame.āĀ
He went quiet once again, except now, when you thought his mind was once again focused on the show, his hands started getting braver. They escalated from just his fingers drawing shapes on the patch above your knees to suddenly coming down to the sensitive skin between your thighs. You jerked involuntarily even though he only traced his fingers about halfway down your legs. Wooyoung once again pretended to not notice your reaction and you pretended to not notice he was touching you.Ā Ā
His fingers gently brushing the sides of your thighs all the way to your knees before you could feel the tip of his middle finger slowly grazing your skin down the inside of your thighs, lower and lower each time he came down. At this point your heart was beating so fast it was almost coming out of your throat, your breathing labored and sweat building up on your forehead even though the room was freezing cold.Ā Ā
āSheĀ“s kind of annoying, though.āĀ
āWho?ā You breathed out, honestly not even knowing your name anymore.Ā
āBritta.āĀ
āOh, yeah.āĀ
Silence once again.Ā Ā
Attention back to the show.Ā
You had to control your whine of disappointment when he retreated his hands.Ā Ā
Ok, you took the chance to breathe, count to 10 and give yourself a pep talk. You could do this. You would not fuck your best friend. If not because of your morals and because of your friendship, because fucking him would mean he won, and you would never give Wooyoung the satisfaction.Ā
Ok, you could do this.Ā
You could definitely do this.Ā
Wooyoung gently gathered your hair and pushed it over your right shoulder, the familiar goosebumps showing up once again at the way the tip of his fingers brushed against the skin of your neck.Ā Ā
Yeah, you could not do this.Ā Ā
The sound that came out of your mouth when his wet lips met the juncture between your neck and shoulder could only be described as a pinscher finding out it could bark. You were in fact shaking as much as those annoying tiny dogs are known for.Ā
You froze, not being able to react when you felt him sucking on your skin or when his tongue tried to soothe the pain his teeth left behind. Your core was clenching so hard it hurt.Ā
āWooyoung,ā Your voice came out as half plead half warning.Ā Ā
āHm?ā He hummed against a different spot on your neck, and it made it a thousand times worse.Ā Ā
Ā āWe shouldnĀ“t-āĀ
āJust tell me to stop and I will.āĀ
Except you couldnĀ“t. Not when he found your sweet spot and grazed his teeth against it before gently sucking on it. This time you allowed yourself to squirm and you felt it at the same time you heard it; Wooyoung groaned as you accidentally pressed against him and figured out you were not the only one going insane. His dick was hard and now very much pulsing against your ass and lower back.Ā Ā
Both of you realized you never told him to stop and you were fighting so hard to gain control of your body back as he kissed the vein on your neck - but it was all lost when his hands snaked around your torso and grabbed your boobs. You whimpered, shamefully, squeezing your legs together to try and relieve some of the throbbing.Ā Ā
His kisses grew harsher, as he sucked one spot hard enough to leave a mark, the pad of his middle fingers toyed with your nipples and you simply couldn't pretend you didnĀ“t want this to happen anymore, not with the way you could literally start dripping onto your bed any moment now.Ā Ā
A gasp left your lips when his right hand grabbed onto your thigh and pulled your legs open. You felt his dick twitching when he saw the wet patch in the middle of your shorts.Ā
āOh, princess,ā He sighed, pressing against the stain in pure admiration.Ā
āWooyoung-āĀ
āTell me to stop.āĀ
He gave you no time to consider his words, pulling the bottom of your shorts and panties to the side and rubbing his middle finger down your slit to wet it. You carved your nails onto his thighs in return, doing your best to stay grounded. It didnĀ“t even take a minute for you to understand why the prior girls who slept with Wooyoung became obsessed with him, you werenĀ“t really doing anything yet and the second the pad of his finger found your clit while his other hand gently pressed down onto your lower stomach everything became even clearer. You threw your head back on his shoulder in pleasure as he rubbed figure eights against your clit.Ā
Yeah, you agreed to pretend nothing happened starting tomorrow, but you figured you would never be able to forget the sound of your best friendĀ“s deep moan against your ear when he felt you around his finger for the first time.Ā
āGlad to see IĀ“m not the only one going crazy,ā He groaned against your ear - and when did his voice get so raspy?Ā
You whined once again, not really knowing what else to do when you were practically on the edge from a minute or two of stimulation.Ā
āTell me to stop.āĀ
āWooyoung-āĀ
āI love when you say my name.āĀ
Were you about to cry?Ā
At this point, you just wanted him to ignore you and throw you around and do whatever he wanted, but you knew he wouldnĀ“t until you said so, and you were definitely not doing that. Although with every second that passed with his finger on you, that definitely was turning more into a probably.Ā Ā
āI never told you.āĀ
āWha- What?āĀ
āFrom all the ways I imagined this happening, I never told you my favorite.āĀ
āWhat is it?āĀ
āItĀ“s the one where weĀ“re in a sleepover and youĀ“re so desperate that you canĀ“t even go to the bathroom, so you just very quietly put your hands inside your shorts and touch yourself right next to me thinking that IĀ“m asleep. And I pretend I am, but I can hear the small whimpers you try to hold back, I can feel the slight shake of the bed and I can hear how wet you are so clearly. Sometimes, I even imagine you would decide to use me, not even try to wake me up, just sit on my face and ride it until I pretend to wake up and finally eat you out until youĀ“re crying and shaking.āĀ
When you literally had to hold yourself back from finishingĀ at his words, you grabbed his hand and turned around on your knees, smashing your lips with no fanciness against his. He was quick to grab your ass and direct you to sit on top of his legs, your thighs on either side of his in the familiar position as your tongues met and you pulled the hairs on the back of his neck with all the frustration you had inside you.Ā
āWeĀ“re not fucking,ā You informed in between labored breaths.Ā
āWe donĀ“t have to fuck, I just need you to sit on my face.āĀ
You never whined so loudly in your life before.Ā
That was the one single thing you have been dreaming about hearing for weeks now and you were so happy you could practically cry, in fact, you almost came right there without even being touched.Ā
IĀ“ll be posting part 2 this week because this was already too long and crashing my terrible terrible computer <3
IĀ“ll be proof reading this some other day sorry for any mistakes IĀ“m just a dyslexic girl with adhd and no english lessons ever
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āSweet thingā
Hare! original character x bunny! male reader
warnings: predator prey dynamic,humping, overstim, mind break (kinda), breeding, slight dubcon, naive innocent reader, size kink, scent kink, creampie
notes: this idea has been stuck in my head for too long lmfao I rly went down the rabbit hole writing this š
You were a sweet thing, a bunny bred to be docile and kept at home like the naive creature you were! Your owner was extremely protective, never allowing you to go out and always pampering you with treats and pets!! You were the perfect house pet. However, always being at home was so boring and dull. Sure, being fawned over by your owner was always enjoyable but you wanted to be like other bunnies! Why shouldnāt a grown-up bunny like you also be able to go out and explore the huge world? All you had was a small town where you and your owner lived in, nearby meadows. There were so many delicacies you hadnāt tried yet, like wild carrots or apples! All the food you had at home were just leafy greens and pelletsā¦so you had to formulate a plan immediately!! Sure, your owner might be a tad bit worried or maybe even disappointed but you would just go for a quick trip into the meadows nearby, only a few hours you swore!
Hence, your plan began. No better time to slip out when your owner was busy at work. Full of excitement and anticipation, you quickly jumped out of the window onto the pavement. The fields were so close! You quickly hopped your way to the meadows where the other bunnies promised there would be the precious apples and food you had dreamed about. Hungry and ecstatic, you finally arrived but the delicious food that was spoken about was nowhere in sightā¦ you were starving! Maybe this was a bad idea, you shouldnāt have gone out, your owner was going to be so angryā¦ Not only was the pristine and white fur they loved so much now dirtied, you were a disobedient bunny who ran away because you were too greedyā¦
Tears began to form in your eyes as you thought about the disappointment in their eyes and how they probably wouldnāt love such a naughty bunny anymoreā¦ You were such a silly thing, knowing nothing of the world and yet you still wanted to explore! Hours went by, and you grew tired of wallowing in your misery, it was night now anyways, it was time to finally go home even if your owner would be unhappy. At least you had a roof and a warm bed to sleep in! Trudging through the tall grass, you tried to retrace the steps you took but it was too dark. The inky darkness filled your vision as panic began to fill your heart. How were you supposed to go home now?! Oh noā¦you could feel the waterworks starting again. However before you could even burst into tears, your ears picked up rustling in the grass behind you.
Without a single thought left in your brain, you immediately darted in the opposite direction of whatever monster was stalking you in the night. Fear clouded your senses as you felt a shiver go down your spine. What horrors were hidden in the night? You didnāt want to know! You really should have stayed home but now there whatever was hunting you! Unfortunately you began to tire, your hunger and outbursts having sapped your energy, but you could still hear the loud thumps of whatever chasing you get closer and closer, their hot breath on your nape. Your pace slowed and the creature tackled you. Clenching your eyes shut, you willed yourself still and accepted your fate.
You could feel something caress your cheek. āOpen your eyes bunny.ā A domineering voice commanded you and you meekly peeked one eye out to see a massive hare over your form. He was huge! Both in muscle and size, he overwhelmed your tiny body. You didnāt stand a single chance against him. āWhat d-do you want, Mister Hareā¦ I-I just want to go home..ā you trembled, the stutters in your voice unable to hide your fear. A low chuckle reverberated from him, āOh you naive thing, I just want to eat you up. Youāve been in my territory since afternoon and emitting that sweet scent. A tiny creature like you should be protected but you just happened to chance upon me, what a pity.ā Hearing his words, your suspicions were further confirmed. You were never getting home and a big bad hare now wanted to eat you. You went slack, what could you even do nowā¦ āO-okay, Mr Hare, just make it quickā¦ I donāt want to be eaten painfully and slowlyā¦ā you were ready, this would be how you wentā¦
āYou misunderstood me bunny. Iām not eating you up literally, Iām going to breed you so you reek of me all over like my property.ā Confusion filled your face but not long before you felt him grind against your pelvis. Oh. He meant thatā¦ Forgetting your initial terror, you immediately flushed red. You had never done this before..and your owner forbid it, saying something along the lines of āIām not ready to be a fatherā. Wait, but you were both males, how could you both mate?! Your obvious inexperience and bewilderment must have been evident because Mr Hare laughed again. āIt doesnāt matter if youāre male, thereās still a hole, you silly thing.ā He grunted. Not waiting for your reply, he hoisted you onto his lap, the curve of your ass now rubbing against his huge bulge.
You could feel the copious amounts of precum wet the thin shorts your owner had insisted on giving you for the sake of āproprietyā and yep there they went, as Mr Hare ripped them off. A whimper escaped you as the friction of his cock rubbing against your perineum sent sensations you had never felt before running through your body. āUagh-?!ā A surprised moan ripped from your throat as you could feel something thick fill your hole. His fingers were in you! You felt his fingers graze something in you that made you clutch at his shoulders in a fit of pleasure. A knowing smirk appeared on his face and he repeatedly jabbed at the spot, āI found your prostrate.ā He snickered.
āN-nng- ah! T-too much!!ā You keened as you buried your face in his shoulders, your body spasming at his relentless teasing of your prostrate. Shortly after, a loud sob left you as your cock squirted all over your stomach, leaving you limp. āCanāt have you weak before I breed you bunny.ā Mr Hare clamoured as he left a chaste kiss on your lips, a sharp contrast to his rough man handling. Pushing you into a mating press, the head of his throbbing dick pushed at your weakly twitching rim. Glancing down at his cock, terror filled you at the size of his dick, that was monstrous!! āN-no, wait it wonāt f- AGHā Before you could protest, he sharply thrusted into you as you wailed out in shock at the sudden intrusion.
Growling, the hare left no chance for you to complain as he snapped his hips against yours repeatedly like he was a man possessed. āYou really are so tiny, look at your small excuse of a cock bunnyā¦you deserve a good breeding..ā he teased as his cock plunged into you. Endless whines left you as the onslaught of pleasure left you orgasming over and over again. You could only weep as Mr Hare painted your insides white without an end in sight. āP-please sir, itās too m-mu-much!ā You pleaded but your pleas for him to stop fell on deaf ears. āGh- just gotta give you one more load one more bunny, gotta make you full of my cum.ā He murmured as he grasped at your waist tightly. Oh that was sure to bruise tomorrow. Teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, you could only mindlessly mewl in response as another dry orgasm wracked your body.
The sun was rising and you were a sight to be seen. Eyes rolled in a dry orgasm as you unconsciously grinded back on the hare pistoning away at you, a mess in your own bodily fluids and the semen dripping from your abused hole. Unable to take anymore abuse, you blacked out and before you slipped into the welcome embrace of the darkness, you could feel yourself getting cradled and picked up and a kiss pressed to your dry lips.
You were definitely never gonna go out again.
note: why does no one ever talk about how hard it is to write smut OMG šš I legit spent an hour stressing over what to write so it sounded stimulating enough and legit š anyways take this pathetic piece pls have mercy lol its like my first time writing smut (despite the fact I read smut šš)
Reblogs are appreciated :) if you want a part 2 lmk!
Pt 2 is here : Mates (Sweet Thing Pt.2)
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We Are Not The Kissing Space Twins
Fic by lunaraindrop
Now with an actual title!
Steve didnāt know how to feel. He was just...numb. He left his house as if in a daze. The lasagna his mom tried to say was homemade, but he knew was secretly from Enzo's sat funny in his stomach.
His mom.
Legally, she was still his mother. Has been since the day after he was born.
His dad, too.
Legally, Steve was a Harrington.
He drove the Beemer aimlessly, until he came to a familiar trailer.
He knocked on the rickety door, silently kicking himself for not calling ahead to make sure he didn't disturb Wayne's sleep.
It was too late for that, though. Eddie opened the door. "Stevie! I thought you had that thing with your parents! I wasn't expecting..." The exuberant words of his friend trailed off and melted into a concerned silence. The man open the door widely and wedged his way through the doorway to put his arm around Steve's shoulders. He guided him to the couch, and sat both of them down in a clump.
"Steve, what happened?"
And Steve, so unsure how to feel about this situation, burst out an awkward laugh, even as tears gathered at the corners of his eyes.
"I'm apparently adopted? My biological mother is my mom's dead sister."
Eddie's eyes grew nearly to the size of dinner plates. "What?"
Steve turned to him, wild eyes and bitchy. "Yes! See? They acted like it was no big deal! 'Oh, Steven. It's time you knew that your father couldn't have children. We decided to adopt you when my sister died in that car accident. Please pass the peas.' Like, what the fuck do I do with that?!"
Eddie nodded to himself. "She died, and then they adopted you?"
The tears welled in his eyes. "She died while she was still pregnant! I was a premie. Since I was a boy, dad-Richard decided this was a 'prime opportunity' to have the Harrington name live on', or some shit."
Eddie held his friend close, then offered to get him a beer. They silently sipped from the bottles. Eddie could tell something else was weighing on Steve's mind, and knew he needed to give the guy a few moments to find the right words.
He wasn't disappointed.
"You know, Eds. That isn't even the worst of it?"
Not disappointed, but certainly surprised. "It gets worse that your parents never told you that you were adopted, and your birth mother is actually your deceased aunt?"
Steve nodded before taking a large pull. "Uh, yeah. Apparently, I'm also a twin."
Eddie nearly dropped his bottle. "A-a twin? A twin! There's two of you out there?"
That actually earned him a rueful smile. "I have a twin *sister*, dumbass."
Eddie nodded in what he pretended to in a sage way. "Yes, that makes sense. The world could not survive the charm and hair of two Steve's. That's like having two suns. We would not survive!"
Tension lifting for just a second, Steve playfully shoved his secret crush, blushing just a little.
"Ha ha. But speaking of the charm...what if I'm like Luke Skywalker?"
Eddie furrowed his brows. "How'd you mean?"
Steve flexed his hand in his lamp, staring at the other boy with fear. "I've dated a lot of girls, Eddie. What if...what if I've kissed my sister?!"
Eddie reared back. "Oh! Eww! Steve, why?!"
Steve flailed. "It's a valid concern!"
Grasping at straws to wipe *that* thought from the boy he love's face, he blurted out, "Maybe your secret twin is a lesbian?"
Part 2
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I know you already did the 141 boys when their wife gives birth (which was fantastic btw) but maybe if they missed the birth because of a mission or whatever else your brilliant mind can think of!
Don't give me compliments because then I'll follow you home like a cat and you'll never get rid of me š
Price
(This goes for all the men, really) but he's absolutely gutted to not be with you as you're giving birth
Honestly, if he had the choice, he would've rather lobbed off his own arm than miss such a momentous occasion in both your lives
Itās nothing less than the literal fate of the world that's keeping him from you, and he makes sure to reiterate that over and over again
The only thing that gives Price a bit of peace of mind when leaving you at a time like this is knowing you have a strong support system to help you through it
And boy oh boy does he put those friends and family members to use by having them constantly text him with every update imaginable
What time your water breaks, how far apart your contractions are, how much you've dilated, so on and so on. He wants to know it all
While he has to remain focused during the bulk of the mission, when he's able to, he's whipping out his phone to scroll through the literal hundreds of messages that await him
The updates are so plentiful and detailed that if he tries hard enough, he can almost pretend like he was right there beside you all along
And once he gets to the pictures of you holding your little one for the first time, wellā¦ he's not afraid to admit that he sheds a manly tear or two at the sight
Soap
He kicked up quite the storm at work when he realized he was going to be missing the birth of his child
He did everything in his power to try to get out of the mission ā to try to get back to you ā but, ultimately, he had no other choice than to go
But he's not just going to go gently into the night. No, he has a few tricks up his sleeve to make it as if he's still there with you in some capacity
Like Price, Soap takes comfort in leaving you with a huge support system to help while he's away
And also similarly, he's recruiting your loved ones (more so their phones) into letting him video chat with you whenever he gets the opportunity
(Does that mean he snuck his unauthorized smartphone into the middle of a battlefield? ā¦. Yes. Yes, he did. .ā¦ā¦....ā¦ Don't tell Price)
You'll be in the midst of a call with him and a bullet will fly right by his head and embed itself in the wall behind him
Of course, this has you incredibly concerned, worrying over how you're distracting him when he should be focused on his mission
But he assures you there's no need to fret, dear. He's perfectly safe and everythingās completely fine
(Oh, and just disregard that sound in the background, hun. No, it wasn't a bomb. Heavens, no! It was aā¦ aā¦ piano falling out a window)
Gaz
Even when he's away on mission during normal circumstances, he's calling home all the time to check in with you
But given your current state, now he's checking in twice as much as he usually does
Expect a minimum of three calls a day just to ensure things are still all hunky dory on your end
It's during one of these calls that your water breaks, and as you fly into a state of panic, forgetting everything you're supposed to do, Gaz has to calmly walk you through the steps of what you'd planned
He's able to talk you down and make sure you get yourself to the hospital in one piece, but then after that call, weirdly, you don't hear from him again
It's not until several hours later when you've already delivered your child that you're awoken by the feeling of someone beside your bed
You look to see who it is and it's none other than Gaz himself ā still dressed in his full gear, covered in all sorts of dirt and grime, a hushed apology pouring from his mouth
He's so sorry he couldn't get there quick enough, beautiful. He left as soon as he could once he'd pulled a few strings with Price
But you don't even care about the excuse because you're quickly enveloping him in a hug. With tears in your eyes, you assure him it's alright. He's here now, and that's all that matters to you
Ghost
When he was informed he was being shipped off to a remote location less than a month before your due date, he was livid
No phone, no radio, no communication of any kind with the outside world and he was supposed to be okay with that? He very much wasn't
The higher-ups had to really hammer home the whole āsafety of the worldā thing to convince Ghost to go, and even when he did, he did so grudgingly
He finds that as he sits in this shoddy shack halfway across the planet from you, all he can do is keep a mental tally of everything heās missing
Going with you to your final check ups, helping you pack your hospital bag, holding your hand as you begin to push, etc. etc. etc.
But what about things he might not know about? What if something's gone wrong while he's been away?
He can't let himself think on it too much because he'll end up putting his fist through the drywall, and he needs at least one good hand to hold his child with when he meets them for the first time
Seven weeks, four days, and nine hours after he shipped out, Ghost is on a plane back home
He doesn't stop to talk to anyone when he touches down at base (not even to report to his superiors). He just gets into his car and books it, not letting off the gas until he's parked outside your home again
And when he finally reaches the front door, an unexpected tremor passing through him as he grabs for the handle, he closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath, and walks inside, beginning the next chapter of his life
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So This Is Love
jason todd x fem!reader
aka you show each other what love is supposed to be like
4 in 1 blurbs
warnings: section 1: close-call panic attack for j, mentions of ptsd for j // section 2: implied sexual activity // section 3: mild angst w comfort // section 4: implied ptsd for j
He feels like his heart might burst through his chest.
The nightmare wasnāt anything unusual for him, but it did feel particularly vivid tonight. It was more of a memory than anything, though. That same one that plays on a loop in his head throughout the night the more he tries to push it away during the day. It was the last thwack of the crowbar that had him jolt awake in bed.
You shift in your spot next to him, opening your eyes to see his rattled state. If heād been in a clearer frame of mind he wouldāve lied to you. He wouldāve expertly leveled his breathing and told you everything was fine and to go back to sleep.
But instead, he looks over at you with wide eyes, chest heaving and shaking like he might start hyperventilating at any moment.
You shoot up from the bed, instantly on alert. This isnāt the first time heās had one of these nightmares around you, so itās not hard for you to guess where this is coming from.
āJay? Whatāsāwhat do you need?ā You know better than to try and touch him unprompted right now, youāve panicked enough yourself to know that sudden contact only makes it worse.
āIāI canāt, Iāā Now he really looks like heās about to lose all control of his breathing.
You sit up further, moving onto your knees. āHere, let meācan I see your hand?ā you ask gently, holding your own out.
He extends it to you without question, a tiny act of vulnerability that he couldnāt have dreamed of doing in this state before he met you.
You flip his hand over, palm-up and start tracing lines over it in the moonlight. Youāre looking at his hand quite intently like thereās something very important on it. Itās enough to make him question what the hell youāre doing.Ā
āI can read palms.ā You tell him, simply.Ā
āWhat?ā His voice almost breaks, like heās right at the edge of tears.Ā
āYeah, my friend taught me. I can tell the future and everything.ā You look up at him, fingers not stopping their trailing. āDo you wanna hear yours?ā
All he can do is nod.
You smile and start to inspect his hand carefully, tracing over calluses and a few tiny scars. You draw your finger across the short, deep line parallel to his fingers.
āThis oneā¦see the way it curves upwards right there?ā He nods. āThat means youāre very resourceful and ambitious. Like a leader.ā His breathing starts to slow as he watches you, trying to focus on what youāre showing him in the dim light from the window.
āAnd this one,ā you trace the line that curves downwards in the middle, āThis one says that youāre strong and stubborn, which I can confirm,ā he huffs out a laugh. Itās little but itās genuine. āBut it also means that youāre resilient. Youāre built to overcome things and bounce back even stronger because of them. Which I can also confirm.ā
He leans forward, resting his forehead against yours. He takes in a deep breath, watching you draw patterns across the base of his palm.
The sensation soothes him in a way that he frankly didnāt know he could be soothed. He figures he usually canāt, except when itās you. He tries to match your breathing, syncing up with you. If anyone else tried to get this close to him when he was on the verge of a panic attack theyād get punched, at best.
But youā¦you always know how to help him. Heās considered in the past that he did something really right somewhere down the line and you were sent to him as reward. Heād racked his mind for hours of every good thing heād ever done, trying to find one that could explain your presence in his life. For anything that could explain why he deserved you. He poured and poured over every memory he could dig up but couldnāt find any good heād ever done that surmounted to a single piece of the good in your heart.
There was a time when he wouldāve thoughtāwhen he did think that you were only in his life to be taken away as soon as he felt safe. That would certainly be in line with previous experiences. But you showed him quickly that you have this way about youā¦it makes those loud thoughts in the back of his head shut up and just listen. Listen to your words, your breathing, your footsteps, your laughā¦anything he could. Because it turns out, when he listens, he feels safe.Ā
Heās quiet for a long time, contentedly watching you work. He notices that at some point youād stopped tracing the lines and began drawing designs instead.Ā
He breaks the silence after several minutes, softly commenting, āYou donāt know how to read palms.ā
āNo, I do not.āĀ
But you continued to leave your invisible art on the palm of his hand just the same, both of you taking comfort in the sound of the other's breathing and the soothing feeling of each otherās skin.
The radio plays lightly in the background, surrounding your night with soft ambience. Youāre working at the cutting board with tomatoes as Jason leans against the counter next to you, having just finished getting the pasta set up on the stove.
His hands find your hips, resting them there as he watches you work over your shoulder.
āWatch your thumb.ā He comments when the knife gets a little too close for his liking.
You shrug him off, āI know how to do it.ā
He eyes the way the knife stutters as you cut through the tomato, slicing through not very cleanly at all. āDoesnāt look like it.ā
You ignore him, elbowing him gently in the abdomen. Heās joking, but heās not. The skill level youāre displaying is only above Bruce and slightly below Tim, which is not great.
āWill you let me do it?ā he asks you when he realizes thereās going to be no improvement.Ā
āFine.ā You relent with faux annoyance.Ā
You switch over to the stovetop, keeping a careful eye on the pasta as it cooks. Itās quiet for a moment as he works, chopping with much more efficiency than you had.Ā Ā
āYou didnāt have to stay here tonight, you know.ā You say quietly, still intently watching the stove.
In spite of the music, your low volume does nothing to faze him as he continues his actions, āWhy wouldnāt I?ā
You stir the contents of the saucepan around. āWell, I know Roy wanted you to go outā¦ā
āNot missing much.ā He mumbles, opening up the above cabinet to get out plates.
You lull your head to the side, āCome on, heās your best friend.ā
Jason frowns. āHeās not my best friend.ā
You turn your head towards him, āNo?ā
He meets your gaze, frown consistent. āNo. You are.ā He says it like heās confused that you donāt know that.Ā
āOh.ā You smile, āYouāre my best friend too.ā
His eyes soften at that, a light smile gracing his lips. He knew that, and he knew youād say it, but hearing it out loud justā¦does something to him.
You flick the stove top off, prompting him to on instinct reach for the Marinara jar and crack it open for you. He hands it to you and you accept with a smile, twisting it open the rest of the way as you turn back to the stove. The jar sputters as you open, spitting out sauce.Ā Ā Ā Ā
āOh, shit.ā You hiss, when the splatter hits your shirt.
He takes one glance at the mess on your shirt and pulls his own shirt off his back. Heās tugging yours off just as fast, replacing it with his. Youāve barely processed what happened as he scans your body, eyes lingering on where his shirt stops at your thighs. āCan you wear this to bed tonight?ā He asks, hands running over your waist.
You laugh, āReally?ā
He meets your eyes, face serious. āYes.ā He squeezes your hip, āYou look good.ā
āIn your shirt.ā You say with a knowing smile.
āIn my shirt.ā He confirms.
You turn back to the stove to dish out the salsa, his hands skimming around your thighs as you do. He watches you as you work, though rather than watching your hands heās fixated on the size of his shirt over you and how fucking good you look right now.Ā
āOrā¦ā He sweeps his eyes over your legs before looking back up at you again. āDidāya turn the stove off?ā
You tilt your head at him, āI didā¦?ā
He grins at you, lifting you up by your thighs til youāre a head above him. āGood.ā He maneuvers you over to the counter, setting you on top. He brings your wrist up to his mouth to press a delicate kiss before dropping to his knees.
Youāve been laying in bed for at least three hours, bordering on sleep but never quite falling in. You and Jason had a little spat, though nothing insurmountable, it was still the biggest fight youāve had to date. Youād tried going out (at night) to see your friend that was having a hard time, and yeah, you shouldāve told Jason you were going. It was only five blocks, give or take, but in Gotham at eleven oāclock at night, itās a risk to say the least.
You shouldāve told Jason, you know. But he wouldnāt have let you go or wouldāve insisted on putting hold on patrolling to accompany you. You always feel bad when he does thatāpeople could be getting hurt somewhere because you needed your boyfriend to walk you down the street. Unfortunately, it didnāt matter in the end because he caught you red handed before youād even made it a full block away. Of all the nights for him to come home early, it had to be this one.
He dropped down from the rooftop behind you and scared the absolute hell out of you, and you didnāt even have time to be relieved that it was just him because he was on you in a flash.Ā
āWhat the hell are you doing out here?ā His voice was hard through the modulator, a rare tone for him to use with you.
āI justāmy friendāā he sounded tired and angry, sure signs that heād really not had a good night so far which was probably all the more reason that you shouldnāt have been out by yourself in the middle of the night.
āWhat are youāno! Go home. Now.ā You wouldāve, you really wouldāve, but your friend called you crying about her boyfriend cheating on her again and she needed the in person support.Ā
āJaāā Youād cut yourself off, āItās down the street, itās fineāā He dropped his shoulders in a huff and faced you dead-on. You didnāt need him to take his helmet off to know exactly how he was looking at you.
He dropped down and hooked his arm around the back of your legs, lifting you off the ground with no discernible effort. āWhaāā
He started walking before you were even fully planted on his shoulder, arm wrapping around your legs to hold you in place.Ā
āHood! I am so fucking serious, put me down!ā You swatted at his back and struggled in his grip, though in the back of your mind you knew it was a pointless effort. Even if you were a match in size, whatever mood heād been pushed in was enough to guarantee that you had no chance.Ā
He ignored you, not even pretending that you were giving him any difficulty with your squirming. He marched you back down the block to your apartment, not stopping until youāre outside your door. He set you down in between him and the entrance, digging into his pocket for his key.
He kicked the door shut behind him, finally letting you go. He wordlessly grabbed one of his spare guns and two cartridges of ammo from inside the closet by the door and turned back to you with a firm stance. āStay here.ā
You immediately tried to push past him again, at that point more angry about him dragging you back here than about having to duck out on your friend. He stopped you, holding you by the arms, which led you to respond by raising your voice at him, āJason!āĀ
But he didnāt waste any time letting you know how it is, āI will lock you in this fucking apartment. Stay. Here.ā Him cursing at you like that was very rare and not a particularly good sign, so through your anger youād made the decision that it was better to relent, for now. Your posture dropped and you frowned at him resentfully, a visible cue that you were giving in without you having to say it.Ā
He stayed true to his word and locked the door on his way out, though knowing you could easily unlock it from the inside. Youād trudged into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you.Ā Ā Ā
Now you lay on Jasonās usual side of the bed, partially because you do miss him, partially because the bed feels a little less empty when you canāt see all the empty space. You know he was just trying to keep you safe after what was probably a rough start to the night, so you feel less than great that youād yelled at him.
Your dwelling over the memory is interrupted by a quiet creak of the bedroom door. You blink up at him blearily, āJay?ā You sit up, furrowing your brow. You didnāt even hear him come home. āWhatās wrong?ā You figure he must be hurt to come in hereāitās not unknown for him to sleep on the couch if he feels like he did something wrong or upset you.Ā Ā Ā
Your eyes attempt to adjust to the darkness, scanning over him for any injuries. Heās out of his armor and in his regular clothes which means he must have showered already. And you know from dozens of nights patching him up that he always tends to his injuries before showering.
This leaves you confused, as you look up at him, waiting for an answer. āI canātā¦I donāt want to sleep without you.ā He whispers, eyes on the floor.Ā
You shuffle back into your usual spot near the wall and hold your hand out to him expectantly. Youāre still a bit cross with him, but you miss him too much to care right now.
It takes him a second to move, but he eventually lingers away from the door and makes his way to the bed. He takes your hand as he climbs onto the bed, letting go only when you lay down after him, staring up at the ceiling next to him.Ā
You werenāt entirely expecting him to wrap his arms around you and tug you into his chest. Somewhere in the back of your mind youād assumed he would lay on his side and you on yours and that would be enough for him to fall asleep with. Instead, he tightens his arms and buries his face into the crook of your neck. You lay there in silence for a couple minutes, both thinking.
āYouāre mad.ā He mumbles into your shoulder after a while. You know he feels badly about the dispute, you knew it while it was still happening. As hard as he tries, heās not very good at hiding his emotions. Not with you, anyways.
You shrug slightly. āBarely. Iāll get over it. This is more important.ā
He picks his head up to look at you, āI love you. You know that?ā
You wiggle out of his grip a bit, making him frown. You use the new space to flip over to face him, before placing his arm back around your waist. You peek up at him, looking him in the eyes, āI do. You know I love you. Even when we fight.ā
He looks at you like heās a bit thrown off by your words. āIām sorry. It was justā¦it was a rough nightā¦IāIām sorry.ā He tells you dolefully.Ā Ā
You shake your head, frowning. āDonāt be. I shouldāve texted you.ā
āItāyeah. Please. I just worry about you.ā He looks so sad and it makes you feel somehow worse.
āI know,ā you whisper, āIām sorry.āĀ Ā
āDonāt be.ā He kisses your forehead, not moving away after.
You feel like you can finally relax and your tense body doesnāt take long to slacken in his hold. Soon after, he does the same, both of you closing your eyes. You feel your heart slow and your mind starts to find a space of peace.Ā Ā Ā Ā
Before you crash out, you mumble out, āIām going to be a little passive aggressive in the morning, though.ā
āIād hope so.ā
Jason didnāt get it at first.
Honestly, he didnāt really realize that you noticed things about him that even he didnāt see.
Your neighbor was having their place remodeled and you knew there would be construction going on near your apartment all day.
Jason didnāt really care, planning to bury his head under the pillow and trying to sleep through it. You however, seemed very adamant about getting out of the apartment that day. Youād left hours before the construction crew had even gotten there, telling him it was a nice day out.
It was an alright day, but he let you have your way.
You held his hand as you walked down the street, looking into shop windows and commenting on things you think heād like.
You led him into a book store excitedly, telling him about how the author heād been binging had just published something new. He didnāt even know that.
You were browsing the sections, flipping through books as you went. You peered across the shop at a kid holding an absolutely massive pile of books, who was clearly struggling to keep them in his arms.
His mother tried to help him but he shook his head and strided away independently, albeit very slowly. The weight of the books though, did get the best of him, and you could tell by the quivering in his arms that he was going to drop them.
āLoud noise.ā You said quickly, seemingly out of the blue. Jason turned to you, confused, before seeing the stack the books splat flat onto the ground. It was indeed a loud noise.
He tilts his head at you, though youāre still busy watching the little boy as he throws his head back in frustration.
āWhat was that?ā
You look at him, āHe dropped his books.ā
āYeah, I saw. But whyāā
His question gets cut off by the kid bursting into tears, wailing. You turn back to look at him, your gaze getting caught by the new book youād been telling him about. āOoh!ā
You grab his hand and pull him over with you, smiling widely when you have the book in your hands. The sight of you makes him feel so warm so fast that he forgets about the odd interaction all together.
A couple hours later, you sit outside a cafe and eat lunch together, his back to the road, you sitting diagnal to him.
Heās telling you about the shit Damian got in trouble for at school last week, holding your hand with his right hand and eating with his left.
āHe thinks heās not going to get expelled for pulling shit like that every other week, itās ridiculous.ā He says, tossing his napkin down on the table.
Your smile is wavers as your eyes move past his shoulder looking down the block before widening, āCarāā
The sudden noise startles him enough to make him visibly jump, hand flying to where his holster would be. He looks over at the fender bender, shoulders relaxing.
He turns back to you to find your eyes looking far more worried than they should. You seem to be scanning his face, looking for something and heās about to ask you whatās wrong when it sinks in.
He does get scared by unexpected loud sounds, doesnāt he? He never really thinks of it until it happens, but his mind is trained to expect gunshots or crowbars making impact.
It doesnāt happen often, but it noticeably takes a little piece out of him when it does.
āYouā¦ā he tries, but falters. Heās not even sure heās processing this right.
Heās never seriously tried to fathom that you love him half as much as he loves you, though love doesnāt feel like a strong enough word. He lives and breathes for you, youāve become a lifeline heād been stranded without for most of his life. But now you're here and youāre everything, youāre in his head all the time, in every emotion he feels.
He thinks heās here for you, that he was brought back from the dead because of you. You canāt possibly understand how much his heart is full of you, he doesnāt understand it himself.
He knows you love him, heās gotten that through his head. But he canāt get a grasp on the idea that heās equally matched in the who loves who the most battle.
Do you really care that much about him to go out of your way to keep track of things that might startle him? He knows thereās a million things about you that are in the back of his mind at any given time, but surely you donāt operate that same way with him?
Do you?
Thereās this burning in his heart that aches and it only gets stronger when he sees you looking at him like that. So genuine. With care, with love.
He squeezes your hand, āI love you. More than anything.ā
The look on your face sinks back into that sweet, adorable look that heās so used to and it makes him want to scream.
You smile that bright smile and it sends his heart rocketing into oblivion. āI love you.ā You squeeze his hand back, āMore than everything.ā
He feels like his heart might burst through his chest.
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I'll wait for your love - 18+
See part 1 | See Part 2 | Part 3 of We can't be friends (wait for your love)
The only thing youāre sure of is that you donāt want things to go back to the way they were and Spencer agrees that change may be for the best.
Spencer Reid X Fem! Reader
DISCLAIMER
This story is NSFW and contains graphic depictions + detailed descriptions of adult content. It is intended for mature audiences only, minors do not interact!Ā
You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you donāt like it, donāt read.Ā
WARNINGS:
Panic attack mentioned, slight PTSD depictions, case details (barely) mentioned, alcohol mentioned like once.
Smut (not the focus at all): making out, nipple play, clitoral stimulation, praise, use of pet names (angel, pretty girl, etc).
Proceed at your own risk.
Word count: 10.4K
See notes at end for authors note & spoilers.
Avoiding Spencer wasnāt overly difficult on the flight back to D.C. You werenāt entirely sure how to face him after he risked his life for you, so you just pretended to be asleep the whole time. You even took a separate jeep from the tarmac to avoid a car ride back with him, and almost made a clean getaway to your car in the parking lot when Hotch stopped you.Ā
āIām sorry to hold you back, but I do need the Anchorage report on my desk before tomorrow morning. It canāt be put off any longer.ā
He looked extremely apologetic and you understood. Youāre grateful he gave you as much time as he has. Thatās how you ended up stuck at work til the later hours of the evening. Besides the few workaholics, security guards and janitors roaming around the corridors, the only other person there with you is Spencer, oddly. Even Hotch has gone home. Youāve spent more time stalking the doctor work through the pile of case files on his desk than you have writing in the one on yours. Only when you're caught do you look away.Ā
āEverything okay?ā The innocent curiosity in his big eyes further reddens the hot embarrassment in your cheeks.
āFine.ā You mutter, dipping your head back down to the open page.
Youāre never going to get this damn file done if you canāt get him out of your head, and him being barely three feet away from you doesnāt help. Itās very difficult for you to get your words from pen to paper. Anchorage wasnāt haunting you like it did at first. It was a traumatic event, yes, but alone isnāt the cause of thisā¦block. Obviously the reality that youāre leaving is starting to dawn on you. Somehow your mind has linked this case with your departure and finishing this report makes it more official than your actual resignation.Ā
Plus, as much as you definitely hate Spencer, you do did care for him. The shock of him almost getting himself killed in front of you is another thing occupying your mind. Itās barely been twenty four hours since then, itās still fresh. You can see him stand and grab his satchel in your peripheral vision, heās preparing to leave. There are a lot of memories attached to that brown leather bag.Ā
Things he would carry in there for you when you forgot your own bag.Ā
You donāt make it obvious that youāre watching him gather his things in small glances.Ā
He bought extra hair clips for you to keep in there because you would often forget those too.Ā
Itās over now. No point in dwelling on it. You shake your head once heās out of sight, trying to force him out of your thoughts. Now that heās gone youāre hoping to actually be able to get some work done.
He taught you chess with the mini chess set he keeps in there. You discovered that you actually quite liked chess and would ask to play with him all the time. It was also his āsecretā weapon to help you calm down.Ā
You roll your eyes to push back the tears from the memories that refuse to stop playing. This can wait until you get home, itās not important.Ā
It wasnāt the chess set that helped you feel calm. Spencer could win chess against you in just a few moves, but he would deliberately stretch out the game so you could have room to breathe. The longer the game, the more time you had to spend focused on the moves and slow down your thoughts. You could open up at your own pace. He would let you feel in control.
It doesnāt matter if heās near you or not, Spencer has a way of invading your headspace wherever he is. Your train of thoughts is interrupted with a light thud on your right. You covertly roll the tears away again and turn to examine the source of the noise. A mug of coffee placed on your desk by
āSpencer?ā You sputter breathlessly.Ā
āSorry. I know you told me to stop. This is the last time I promise.āĀ
You donāt fully comprehend what heās going on about, not expecting him to be here at all.Ā
āI thought you left.ā
āI didā was. I was leaving, but I thought Iād make you some coffee before I go. Since youāve been here a while.ā He awkwardly explains.Ā
You steadily direct your attention back to the mug, reeling in what was happening.Ā
āBefore you get mad, this really is just a cup of coffee from a colleague who thought it might help keep you energised if youāre planning to stay late. Thereās no ulterior motiveā¦ā
He continues rambling but youāre not mentally present to hear any of it.Ā
He made you coffee.Ā
Even though youāve been nothing short of an absolute bitch. Granted he was a bitch first, but the point is that heās still thinking of your well being regardless. You canāt hide your tears from him this time. Itās the soft buzz of your name that draws you back to him.Ā
āIām sorry, I didnāt mean to upset you! Iāll take the coffeeāā
His panicked sentiment is cut short when you jump out of your seat and shove past him. The breakdown youāve been avoiding hits you like a ton of bricks. You run into the nearest empty office and he runs after you, making it past the door before you can lock him out.Ā
āSpencer pāplease get out! Iām fine.ā Youāre pacing in the same spot, fanning away the stream falling down your cheeks, hyperventilating.
He doesnāt respond to you, instead cautiously taking your hand in his. Youāre in too frenzied a state to care. He guides you to sit on the couch against the wall and you blindly go along with it, still trying to get yourself together.Ā
You want to stop the tears, but you canāt do that until you get your breathing under control. He slowly wraps his arms around you and you slump into him, head buried in his chest. You should try to fight it, you should push him away, but you canāt. Right now, surrounded by his scent, held in his arms, you donāt want to move. Itās not something you can properly explain, but the feeling is so comforting that nothing else matters. All you know is that youāre safe and thatās enough for you to allow yourself to finally break down.Ā
The first few sobs are loud, like thereās not enough air in the world to stabilise your lungs. They fizzle out into silent whimpers and you grasp onto the fabric of his sweater, balling it in your fist, just letting yourself feel. Spencer still hasnāt said a word. His right hand is rubbing circles on your back and his left hand is gently scratching just above the nape of your neck.Ā
You stay like that for a while, even after youāve stopped crying. Itās been so long since youāve been in this little bubble with him and you donāt want it to end. You pull away when you feel the strap of his satchel across his stomach as your hand drops to his lap. He visually follows every move you make.Ā
āYouāre still wearing your bag.ā You sniffle, leaning back.Ā
āI am.ā He whispers, understanding that you no longer want to be touched.Ā
He stays in his original position; facing you, but now with one arm resting on top of the backrest and the other idly in his lap. Youāve moved so that now you're facing ahead with your back leaning against the cushions, pulling your knees into your chest. You had never found comfort in silence until the first time you experienced it with Spencer. Staying huddled, you divert your eyes towards him. Thereās a distinct wet patch on his shirt. Itās less visible on his sweater-vest, but itās there.Ā
āYour shirtās wet now.ā Itās almost impossible to make out what youāre saying with your mouth muffled against your arm, but of course, Spencer manages anyway.Ā
āItāll dry.ā He smiles, tone delicate.Ā
āButā germs.ā You choke a little due to your previous crying.Ā
āIt can be washed.ā Heās using his comforting voice again.Ā
āIām sorry.ā
āDonāt be.ā
The silence resumes. Neither of you dares to move, trying to freeze this moment. Itās obvious that you didnāt grasp how badly you craved each otherās presence.Ā
āDādoā¦ā The initial sound grabs Spencerās full attention again. You take a deep breath, hoping he wants to stay here as much as you do. āDo you still carry that little chess set with you?ā
A small, airy chuckle comes out from him.Ā
āWould you like to play?ā
āPlease.āĀ
He creates some more space between you and begins to set up the board once heās pulled it out of his satchel. You move to accommodate the set up, now facing him with your legs crossed on the couch and shoes abandoned on the floor. You wait for him to make the first move. After the opening moves the game doesnāt seem to get any harder and you know heās throwing the game. Youāre okay at chess, but heās obviously a lot better.Ā
āYouāre going easy on me.ā You mumble.
āBecause youāre not even trying.ā He replies blithely.
āWhy are you doing this?ā
āLike I said, youāre making it too easy.ā He gently teases.
āNot that. Helping me. You hate me, remember?ā You say it like itās the most casual thing in the world.Ā
āI donāt hate you.āĀ
āYou literally told me that you hate me.ā You chuckle, numb to the hurt that sentence once brought you.Ā
āSo did you.ā He counters in defence, trailing your hand as it carelessly moves your queen to her demise.Ā
āI was angry.āĀ
āSo was I.ā He spared your queen, in turn leaving his king vulnerable.Ā
āIt doesnāt matter nowā¦ā You donāt finish the rest of your sentence but Spencer still hears it.
Youāre leaving soon anyway.
āIt matters to me.ā If he left something unsaid you choose to ignore it.Ā
āYouāre letting me win.ā You whisper, feeling the urge to cry some more, but thereās no tears left.Ā
He doesnāt make a move, bringing the game to a halt. Heās waiting for you to meet his eyes. You know what heās going to say.Ā
āSpencer, don't.ā You beseech.
āWhy?ā If you looked at him instead of the board youād see the way his eyes are pleading at you.Ā
āThereās no point.ā This time itās your voice that cracks.Ā
You're looking everywhere else and it makes you too aware of your surroundings. Like how the couch is lined up directly under a window that anyone could peek into.Ā
āLeaving is not the only option.ā He solicits.Ā
He regards your discomfort and closes the blinds from where heās sitting, pulling you back into the privacy of your bubble.Ā
āThereās nothing that you can say to make things go back to how they were.ā You bite the inside of your cheek, fiddling with a random pawn.Ā
Itās not a proper two way conversation. Youāre talking to yourself just as much as Spencerās talking to you. Youāre both trying to convince you of what youāre saying.Ā
āThings donāt have to go back to how they were.ā The squeaks in his soothing tone are starting to melt any resolve you have left.Ā
āThereās no reason for me to stay.ā You oppose, trying to make any argument stick.
āI can think of more reasons for you to stay than for you to go.āĀ
Thereās an underlying tension bubbling. Neither of you notice it over your desperate tug of war.Ā
āI donāt think thereās anything that you can say to get me to stay.ā Another baseless sentence meant more for you than for him.Ā
āGive me one chance. One chance to convince you.ā He can see your internal struggle at his request and he throws out one final plea to sway you. āFor nothing more than closure.āĀ
Closure.
Youāve spent months in turmoil over the hows and the what ifs, trying to conjure answers to questions that wouldnāt stop pestering you. You couldnāt turn him down even if you wanted to.Ā
āClosure?ā You repeat, eyes finally latching onto his.
āClosure.ā He whispers back in reassurance.Ā
āEven if you canāt convince me?ā You caution, not wanting to give him false hope.
He doesnāt say anything, thinking over the scenario in his head. He simply nods and you mimic the action, blinking away the blur in your vision and dragging around chess pieces. It takes Spencer a second to figure out that you were moving them back to their default places.
āOkay new game.ā You announce.Ā
Spencer blinks in confusion, waiting for you to elaborate.Ā
āI can ask you any question I want and you have to answer honestly. If by the end of the game Iām not convinced to stay, you back off for the remainder of my time here.ā You pause for him to interject, but he doesnāt. āThat means we stay away from each other, only talking when needed for work. Even then as cordially and professionally as possible. No more trying to make casual conversation or bringing me coffee or anything like that.ā
āTill the end of the game?ā He studies you.Ā
āYup.ā You smack your lips together. āTil one of us checkmates the other.ā
āThis means youāll actually give me a fair shot?āĀ
āBetween the two of us, Iām not the one known for cheating at games.ā You jab, trying to ease the tension you could definitely feel now.Ā
āI meant a fair shot at convincing you. As in youāll seriously take what I have to say into account.ā He discards your attempt.
āNo, I know. The opportunity was just too good to pass up.ā
He can tell youāre trying to hold back a laugh from the small smile on your lips. Itās as adorable to him now as it was the first time he saw it.Ā
āAny rules before we start?ā He asks, unable to hide his own smile.
āOnly that we have to be honest.ā You answer, immediately dropping your smile.
āOkay.ā He agrees, smiling slightly wider.
āOkay.ā You nod again.
When he finally makes the first move it hits you that you donāt actually know where to start. Theoretically, you know what you want to ask, but donāt know how to ask. You donāt know if you should jump straight into the questions or start with some ice breakers. Nothing is said for about four to five moves when Spencer pauses the game.Ā
āAre you going to ask any questions or have you decided that you just want to play one last game for your closure?ā
āHuh?ā You snap your vision away from the board. āOh, sorry. I was thinking.ā
āDo you want to return to the game after thinking of a few questions to ask?ā He raises his brow and relaxes his jaw.
āNo, no, we donāt need to do that. Letās keep playing, the questions will come to me.ā You brush off his suggestion and motion for him to continue with his turn. He doesnāt.
āWhat?ā Your voice raises and you scrunch your nose from perplexity.
āSorry, itās just that youāve put us on a time limit and this is how youāre using our time?ā He airs, failing to conceal his amusement.
āWell excuse me if I donāt exactly have a list of questions ready to go for you.ā You narrow your eyes in annoyance.Ā
āWhy would you suggest this if you donāt have any questions?ā He tries to hold back his laugh and ends up snorting as a result.Ā
āI have questions!ā You jabber, unable to maintain your annoyance. āI donāt know whatā where do I even start?ā
āStart with whichever one comes to you first.ā He shrugs, finally making his move.Ā
A lot of things come to mind when you think about it. The thing that screams the loudest twitches a nerve and you become instantly irate.Ā
āOkay.ā You nod, tone harsh and flat. āLetās start with whatever the fuck possessed you on the last case. What was your thought process when you put your life in danger like that?ā
He almost gets whiplash from the change in mood, his face literally reads āare you serious?ā.Ā
āHe was going to shoot you.ā He states like itās the most obvious thing in the world.Ā
āI was wearing a vest, I wouldāve been fine.ā You contend.Ā
āI wasnāt willing to take that risk.āĀ
āRisk?! You literally put yourself in danger for no reason!āĀ
āI think it was a pretty good reason actually!āĀ
āSpencer that wasāā You stop yourself with a grumble, inhaling deeply.Ā
āIt was instinctual, okay?ā He softly explains. āI saw him aim the gun at you and I just reacted.āĀ
āWell it was a stupid reaction!ā You whine.Ā
āIām not going to apologise for it.ā
The glare you give is piercing, you bite the inside of your cheek to hold your tongue before you say something you canāt take back. Spencer throws his head back and sighs.Ā
āBut I will promise not to do it again.ā He adds, not fully intending to keep it.Ā
This was slowly turning into another argument, both of you shooting back too fast with your responses. You arenāt in the mood for another argument. So you redirect your attention to the game.Ā
āCheck.ā You mumble, buying yourself time to think of another question. āWhy are you here so late anyway?ā
āI wanted to finish some work before tomorrow morning.ā He replies, moving his king to safety.Ā
āYeah, whatās up with that? You couldāve done those tomorrow as well.ā Your voice softens out of curiosity.Ā
āI wanted to get them finished in case there were more tomorrow.ā Itās not his best excuse. You donāt know what he means by that. He doesnāt know what he means by that. Heās lying to you.Ā
You scoff, poking your tongue against your cheek. āWow. You really canāt not cheat during a game, can you?āĀ
āRight, sorry.ā Spencer clears his throat after the initial confusion clears. Complete honesty, it was your only rule. āI wanted to be here.ā
āForā¦ā You egg on, purposely rolling your ārās to prompt him.Ā
āI wanted to make sure that you were okay.ā He admits, looking away from you.Ā
āWhy?ā Youāre genuinely puzzled at the admission. āYouāre the one who almost died. I mean, it was stupid and your fault, but still. If anything I should be checking up on you.ā
āCheck.ā Thatās the only response he gives you. He hopes that you donāt push further, but he knows that you will.Ā
His lack of response only forces you to think about the possible reasons by yourself, using context clues to figure it out. You are a profiler, after all.Ā
āIs this because of the panic attack?ā You note how his jaw twitches when he swallows at the mention. āIt is! You seriously chose to spend your night stuck at the office because of that?āĀ
āWhat else was I supposed to do? Itās not like you would talk to me, you literally refused to even look at me!ā He gripes.Ā
āSpencer I think anyone would panic if they got tackled to the ground by a six foot man without warning. Iām fine.ā You giggle.
āWhat happened to complete honesty?ā Itās his turn to glare at you.
āI am being honest!ā You protest.
āLying by omission is not being honest.ā He rolls his eyes.
āOkay Mr. know-it-all, what am I lying about?ā You challenge.
āSeriously? You donāt remember?ā His approach is doubtful and he just stares at your dazed expression.
āFucking spit it out already, Spence!āĀ
Any sarcasm he had geared up for a response dissipates at your use of his nickname. Heās heard it plenty in the last few months, but not from you. For a moment things feel like they never changed. It stings in a bittersweet kind of way.Ā
āYou scāscreamedā uhāā He clears his throat and rapidly blinks, his nose twitches in the process. āDuring that panic attack, you repeatedly asked me to stay with you. Yāyou, uhā you said you didnāt think you could liāā
āStop. Stop. Stop talking.ā Your voice quavers and you hold your hand up, ears burning up. āI donāt wanna know.ā
You donāt know why it makes your heart race the way it does, you donāt even remember it. He waits a while before speaking up again, wanting to be careful about how he goes about the topic without you shutting down.
āMay I ask you a question?ā He voices professionally, trying to make the conversation less personal so you donāt feel cornered.Ā
You nod, moving your king out of check.
āIs there anybody you will talk to about Anchorage? Without pushing them away?ā He keeps the game going as he speaks to provide you with a distraction.Ā
āWoahā Anchorage? Where is that coming from?ā You titter.
āI want you to remember that we promised to be honest and I wonāt push if you ask me to stop, but I know for a fact that you arenāt okay.ā He waits for you to stop him but you donāt, even though you know roughly what heās going to say. āPanic attacks aside, your avoidant behaviour around the topic, inability to focus, being easily startled, youāre showing signs of PTSD.āĀ
āSpence, cāmon. I donāt need to talk to anyone. I already passed the psych evals.ā You attempt to make light of the situation with carefully chosen words so youāre not lying. It was a futile attempt, you know heās not willing to budge when he doesnāt give you anything more than a blank stare.Ā
āWhy does this matter so much to you?ā You sigh in defeat. āWhatever happenedā¦thatās a part of the job, you know that.ā
āI also know, first hand, that it takes over your life. You canāt run from it, no matter how much you try to.ā His tone is soft as he speaks, yet you feel like heās accusing you.Ā
āI am not running! Why would you say Iām running?ā You object with a high voice, shrugging your shoulders. āAnd itās not taking over my life. Also, check.ā
āBecause thatās what you do when you donāt want to deal with something.ā He states point blank.
āWoahā soā that was entirely unnecessary.ā You stammer, unable to deny it.Ā
āIām not criticising you. I just happen to know you and I know that you have a tendency to run from your problems. And it is taking over your life.āĀ
āYouāre profiling!ā You gasp.
āYou know that itās not something we can just turn off! No matter how much we pretend like we can.ā He waves his hands defensively.Ā
You canāt argue with that, your lips twisting to the side.Ā
āYou want me to be honest?ā You murmur sheepishly.Ā
āAlways. Please.ā He responds gently, wanting you to be as comfortable as possible.
āI donāt want to talk about it. I spend a good chunk of my day actively avoiding thinking about it, but somehow I always end up thinking about it anyway. At times itās like I can almost feelā¦ā You breathe in instinctively. āThis is the first time in months Iāve been able to do anything without it lingering in the back of my mind. Can we please talk about it another time? I would rather talk about other thingsā¦ā
Another time.Ā
ā...right now.āĀ
Youāve implied that there will be another time to talk and he definitely caught it, even if he pretends that he hasnāt. You donāt even know if what you said is true, you got too comfortable with the familiarity of his friendship. It was something you said out of habit from back when you two actually were friends. Not even a full hour's worth of conversation with him and heās already worming his way back in.
āUmāā You drag yourself further back on the couch, creating more physical distance.Ā
āThatās okay. We donāt have to talk about it at all.ā Spencer senses your urgency to leave the situation and jumps into damage control. āItās your turn.ā
āNo, um, I shouldā I should go. Thanks for doing thiā helping me.ā You turn away from him, aiming for your shoes and ready to bolt.
āThe gameās not over.ā He points out.
āYes it is.ā You declare, still in the process of putting on your shoes.
āYou said til checkmate.ā He huffs, shifting out of his seated position.Ā
āI forfeit!ā You throw your arms out in a shrugging manner, standing up after him.
āI canāt believe this. Youāre going back on your word!ā He doesnāt even raise his voice. Heās just hurt.Ā
āWhatās the point, Spencer? Closure doesnāt mean anything, Iām still leaving! You canāt magically change my mind!ā You yell, getting louder with each sentence.Ā
āI disagree. I think that youāre running again!ā He blocks your way and yells back, maintaining his volume throughout.Ā
āMaybe you should think less!ā You suggest, still yelling. Sarcasm is your defence mechanism when you have no actual defence.Ā
āYou know what else I think?ā He continues, emphasising the word āthinkā every time he says it out of spite. āI think that you agreed to this thinking I wonāt be able to convince you, but I am!ā
āI donāt care what youāā
āI think you donāt want to finish the game that you started, because youāre afraid to ask the harder questions!ā
āStop.ā You command, but it doesnāt deter him.
āI think that youāre scared to hear my answers because then it all becomes too real for youāāĀ
āStop!ā The words almost get stuck in your throat, but you choke them out. āYouāre wrong.āĀ
āIf Iām wrong then prove it. To both of us.ā He sits back down and motions to the board. āAsk the real questions.āĀ
āI donāt need to prove anything, youāre wrong.ā You uphold.
āSo leave.ā He challenges, knowing that you wonāt be able to.Ā
If you truly believed that heās wrong you wouldnāt feel the need to prove it, but you do and he knows that. You walk back over to the couch, head nodding from irritation, tongue poking your cheek. You kick your shoes off with a bit of force and return to your earlier position across from him.Ā
āYour move.ā He reminds you as you settle in.
You donāt reply yet, but move your rook to set him up for the next move.Ā Ā
āCheck.ā He smugly states.
āWho was she?āĀ
You donāt move, examining him close for any change in his behaviour. He obviously didn't anticipate that question first, snapping his sights back on you.Ā
āSorry?āĀ
āThe woman who greeted me at your door. That night at your apartment.āĀ
āCharlotte.ā He replies, holding your gaze to show you heās got nothing to hide. āWe met at the library a week before.ā
āAre you guys together?ā You break away first, diverting your eyes to the chess board and trying to seem unfazed when moving your knight.Ā
āNo, God, no.ā He denies immediately.Ā
āI donāt know, she seemed pretty cosy for someone you met a week prior.ā You donāt mean to sound as snide as you come across.
āNo, it wasnāt like that at all.ā He shakes his head.Ā
āYou sure? Because Iām pretty sure I saw her mark you up with a kiss on your cheek before disappearing.ā You donāt look at him, examining a captured pawn as you wait for him to make his move.Ā
āMark me up?ā He cognizes it instantly. āAre youā¦jealous?ā
āWhat? No!ā You vehemently deny, your voice rising in several pitches.Ā
āYou are!ā His eyes widen.Ā
āI am not jealous.āĀ
His jaw slacks and he lets out an amused scoff. He doesnāt say anything, making you feel the need to fill the silence.Ā
āI only bring it up becauseā¦I know you have a thing withā¦germs.ā Your words falter because of your own uncertainty and you want to dissolve into the fucking floor.Ā
Spencer tries to suppress a smile by poking his tongue out slightly. If the atmosphere was lighter heād tease you about it, but he doesnāt want to make you take off again. Still, he feels the need to clarify the events of the night.Ā
āI donāt know why she kissed my cheek, it was completely random.ā He takes his time saying it, still fighting a smile.
You swallow nervously and purse your lips to the side in response. One question answered and you only have new ones in its place. Did she stay the night? Did she sleep on the couch or on his bed? Did he see her again?Ā
āI drove her home right after you left.ā He can almost hear your thoughts.Ā
āWas it a date?ā You softly gulp again, unsure if you even have a right to know.
āYes.ā He hesitates.Ā
āOh.āĀ
āI wanted to try out casual dating for once.ā He chagrins. āI honestly donāt know how you did it, itās not even fun.āĀ
āNo itās not.ā You chuckle dryly. āSo no second date, I presume?ā
āDefinitely not. I was just stressed the whole time.ā He chuckles with you.Ā
āTake a shot of tequila before you go next time, it helps settle the nerves.ā You joke, jumping to give him advice you hope he doesnāt take. You canāt help it, itās what youāve always done. Even if it goes against what you desire.Ā
āWhile moderate consumption of tequila can help relax the nervous system, I will not be turning to alcohol for stress relief.āĀ
āThen blast classical music while you get ready and give yourself a pep talk out loud, itās actually really efficientāā
āThere wonāt be a next time. For a really long time, if ever.ā He interjects, miffed at your insistence.Ā
āYou willingly plan on committing to lifelong celibacy?ā You exclaim with a puzzled look. āWhy?!ā
Spencer laughs at how raw your reaction is. He didnāt plan on giving out any more details but, with that prompt he decides that itās now or never.Ā
āI donāt think any future dates will appreciate me picturing someone else in their place the whole time.āĀ
Oh.Ā
Both of you lock eyes at the same time. This is not a road youāre prepared to go back down, even if thatās literally the whole point of this conversation. Youāre too stunned to reply and Spencer uses this as an opportunity to be elaborate. He doesnāt want any misunderstandings this time.Ā
āI couldnāt stop picturāā
āShut up.ā You blurt out the sentence in almost one word.Ā
Your heartās racing like youāre standing on the edge of a cliff. Youāre flustered, every part of your body is heated from how terrified you are.
āYāyou donāt have tātā¦you donāt owe māme an explanation.ā You try to elaborate, contradicting yourself and stumbling on your words.
āI want to.ā He reads that youāre apprehensive but pushes regardless.Ā
āPlease donāt.ā The tears that you thought had dried out were building again.
āWhy ask if you wonāt let me answer?ā
You donāt have anything to say to that. Did you want answers? Yes. Still, you didnāt expect how hard theyād be to hear. He whispers your name and you scramble to think of your next move, and not in chess. Youāre unable to even think about the game right now. You want to bolt, but you canāt even get yourself to move. So you deflect.Ā
āBecause it doesnāt matter.ā
āI disagree.ā Although his tone is subdued, the pace of his wording is faster. āI think it does matter and thatās why youāre afraid to hear it.ā
Heās right but you canāt bring yourself to agree. This is only going to over-complicate an already complicated situation.
āItās not enough.ā Your voice cracks.
āHow can it be if you wonāt even give it a fair shot?āĀ
āFair?āĀ
It comes out louder than you intended. His words trigger resentment within you and you snap.Ā
āNothing about any of this is fair! I mean, fucking hell, Spencer, four years. Thatās how long weāve been friends. I mean Iāve shared shit that I thought I would be taking to the fucking grave with you! You were my best friend for four fucking years and all it took was like, five seconds?ā
You sob, softer than when you were first crying, but the frustration is clear. He reaches out to touch your hand, but you push his hand away.Ā
āNo!ā You choke, sobbing harder when you try to compile your thoughts. āFive seconds to destroy all of it! It makes me wonder if everything we shared, our friendship, was it ever even that strong?ā
Your anger simmers to sadness, as evident with how your yelling fades into whispering in the last sentence.Ā
āI canāt even tell you when exactly those five seconds were. I mean, I knowā¦butā¦I donāt. Where did it go wrong, Spence?āĀ
āI donāt know.ā Is all he can say after a beat of silence.
He knows exactly where it went wrong.Ā
āYeah, me neither!ā You sniffle, immediately wiping a single tear that manages to escape. āSo again, it doesnāt matter.āĀ
āWhen you took it back.ā
āWhat?āĀ
āThatās where everything changed for me. You showed up at my apartment drunk, after your date with Nathan. Your exact words were āI mean as an amazing friendā.ā His voice strains like heās forcing himself to speak.Ā
Your gaze falls, eyes darting everywhere as you try to jog your memory beyond the one sentence you remember.Ā
āI donāt understand.ā You croak.
āYou know, if I wasnāt who I am, maybe you could love me the way I love you.ā He chuckles bitterly, fighting back tears of his own. āThat wasā that was, uh, what you said before you took it back.ā
āSpence, pleaseā¦ā You whine without sound, tilting your head back and chewing on your lip as a final attempt to stay composed.Ā
āNo, you wanted to know where it went wrong.ā He laughs falsely to downplay his tears. āYou can say it doesnāt matter all you want, but the fact is, it does matter. It matters to me and I wonāt let you run from it anymore.āĀ
You canāt look at him. Not with tears free falling down your face. You cup your hands together in your lap, pressing your fingers and nails together.Ā
āYou told me that I couldnāt love you.ā You struggle to sound your words.Ā
āIām an idiot.ā Another chuckle, but he sounds defeated. āWhen you said that, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to say that I do love you.āĀ
You tearfully laugh at this admission.Ā
āI only took it back because of what you said. I panicked. I thought Iād ruined thingsā¦which I guess, I still did.ā Another laugh from you.
Spencer responds with the same regretful sound.Ā
The irony spurs another fit of giggles amongst you, this one slightly longer and infinitely more rueful than the last. You look anywhere but at each other until it grows quieter.Ā
āIf you loved me, why the fuck would you tell me that I couldnāt love you?ā You sound just as, if not more, defeated than him.Ā
āLove.ā Spencer corrects without missing a beat.Ā
Your brows twitch up and your heart jumps.Ā
āI was so hung up on every single part of your sentence that I didnāt know what to say first.ā He proceeds to answer you without leaving much room to process what he said. āI wanted to tell you that I do love you. I love you as you are. Not as somebody else.ā
āBut you didnāt say any of that.ā You ignore all his admissions, not fully comprehending.Ā
āLike I said, Iām an idiot. I was in so much disbelief and that was the first thing that came out of my mouth.ā He sullenly huffs.
You donāt reply, sniffling with your head down.Ā
āFor like a second, I had everything I wanted. Then you took it back and it was like my whole world had been ripped out from under me. In those five seconds, youād given me a taste of what Iād spent four years convincing myself I couldnāt have and I justā I couldnļæ½ļæ½t go back after that.ā He adds after a stillness.Ā
After a short while, your focus shifts from your hands to the board in front of you. The gameās been long forgotten. Youāre immersed in the conversation, in spite of how strenuous it is.Ā
āI understand why you were distant, even mean, at first.ā You snivel. āBut after a while you just became downright cruel.āĀ
Spencer doesnāt shy away from your gaze when you do look at him. His skin is as drenched from crying as yours is.Ā
āI mean āI donāt want to see your faceā? I know that I donāt really have a leg to stand on anymore, but, what the fuck Spencer?āĀ
He doesnāt cringe any less with every reminder. Heās truly regretted the words since they left his mouth.Ā
āI wanted to hurt you.ā He reveals. āI thought you were being deliberately cruel and I wanted you to feel exactly how I was feeling.ā
āDeliberately?āĀ
He nods, hanging his head.
āI thought that you knew how I felt and were just trying to be funny or something.āĀ
āWell I didnāt. I wasnāt.ā You cut him off with a constricted voice.
āEven if you did, itās not an excuse.ā His eyes are glistening from the outpour of tears, but he still lifts his sights back to you. āIām sorry.āĀ
You donāt know how to acknowledge his apology at all. Youāre not even angry anymore, all you feel is sorrow and regret for the way everything happened. An entire friendship down the drain due to an unfortunate set of circumstances.Ā
āThis is so fucked up.ā You say with another mordant laugh. āAll of this could have been avoided if we just talked about it.ā
It stung less when you had somebody to blame for it. Your vision blurs and you make no effort to clear it, letting yourself cry openly.Ā
āWeāre talking about it now?ā Itās almost a squeak, the way itās spoken.
āYeah, but,ā your shoulders slump, defeatedly, and you have to pause to control your sob, āwhat good does it do now? Iāve already lost the best thing thatās ever happened to me in the most pathetic way possible.ā
āIām right here.ā He counters in such a small voice that it gives your goosebumps.Ā
āSpencer, too many things have been saidā¦ā
āWhen you first joined the team, I instantly knew I liked you.āĀ
He chews on his lip and darts his eyes around while he contemplates if he wants to continue.Ā
āI thought it was because of your kind nature. You were so sweet to everybody.ā He decides he does, but his voice shakes throughout. āYou have this giftā¦you make people feel so good about themselves. Whenever you spoke to me, I felt like the most important person in the world. It was impossible not to like you.ā
You want to pretend like you donāt know where heās going with this. You want to stop him, but your voice is stuck in your throat.
āIt wasnāt until you bought me coffee for the first time that I realised just how much I liked you.ā He chuckles again, as he reminisces in the memory. āYou didnāt even get my order right until the fourth time, but it was still my favourite cup of the day.ā
āYou make me sound like a saint.ā You finally choke out, attempting to play down the confession so it doesnāt crush your heart. āThe only reason I even started bringing you coffee is because you learned how I like my coffee first.āĀ
āNot a saint, an angel. Iāve fallen so deeply in love with you that there are times where it genuinely feels like Iām in the presence of an angel.āĀ
Itās stated with such sincerity that it knocks the wind out of your pipes. Your eyes are widened and youāre biting your tongue with your mouth closed, staring at him with your chin tucked. He seems so confident, even with the glistening from previous tears in his eyes.
āI wanted to be in your life in any way you would have me. Even when it meant that I had to accept you with other people. And it was bearable, untilā¦ā His reminiscence only ends at the memory of the night that changed everything. āLike I said, I couldnāt go back.ā
The last part fades into another whisper, only then do you find the courage to speak up.Ā
āExactly.ā You stick to your denial. āIt canāt go back to how it was before.ā
Your heart is so sure of what it wants, but your head is blinded by fear. Youāre at a crossroads, except one path, the path that leads to everything you long for, is clouded with a fog of uncertainty. The other path is so painfully clear, you can practically see whatās on the other side. A fresh start, where the risk of fucking up further doesnāt exist. What you donāt see is Spencer.
āGood. I donāt want it to go back to how it was.āĀ
Spencerās waiting for you to enter the fog. Heās going to be there holding your hand every step of the way.Ā
āIāve already handed in my resignation.ā
āThat matters less than everything youāve claimed doesnāt matter.ā He leans in, intensifying his eye contact.Ā
āIām pretty sure Hotch is really close to confirming my replacement.ā You comment half-heartedly.Ā
Youāre trying anything to dissuade both him and yourself from acknowledging the obvious, but he doesnāt plan on letting you avoid it.Ā
āI love you.ā He whispers softly.
āSpencerā¦ā You begin when he takes hold of your hands and whatever you had to say disappears from your tongue.Ā
āI love you. With every atom that makes up my body.ā He repeats himself with further elaboration to instil it in your mind.
āIām scared.ā You whisper back with a sob, finally accepting it.Ā
āWhy?ā His voice canāt be any softer, but it still cracks a little.
āBecause, you canāt guarantee that itās going to end well.ā You allow your vulnerability to peek through. āAnd thatās going to hurt more. Iād rather leave now than fall deeper.ā
Although you didnāt say it back, itās an indirect admission that you love him too. And itās enough for him to fight harder.
āI know that my credibility isnāt the greatest,ā he coaxes a small, sad scoff out of you, ābut I truly believe that this, us, weāll work. Because I know that Iām going to do everything I can to make this work.ā
He feels bolder when you donāt pull away from his touch, folding your fingers into your palms and cupping over them. You observe the sight as it unfolds in lieu of a verbal response.Ā
āIāve spent four years judging any man that comes into your life, wishing I was in their place, swearing I would treat you better than all of them.āĀ
Spencer feels the need to fill in the silence and he lets honesty guide his confession. He leans in further as if heās indulging his deepest secret.Ā
āFour years wasted wondering what could be, cursing out those idiots, but taking no action to make it happen. And that makes me the biggest idiot out of all of them.ā
When he speaks like this, with his big, imploring eyes and prayerful tone, it melts your heart to a point where it almost hurts. The more he talks, the more you begin to lean in, opening yourself up to him.
āIt took losing you to realise how badly I fucked up and for that I will never forgive myself. I know that I have no right to ask you to waste any more time on meā¦ā
Thereās no more resistance against the pull you both physically feel to each other.Ā
ā...but Iām begging you for a chance to do today what I should have done way before yesterday.āĀ
Your faces grow closer by the second, you can feel each other's breaths against skin.
āAnd Iām going to spend every tomorrow proving what I said today.āĀ
The likelihood of him changing your mind with one conversation wasnāt very high, both you and Spencer knew this when you got into it. Youāre not entirely surprised when he somehow manages to overcome those odds too. You take the step to close the gap and lightly press your lips to his.Ā
It starts off soft, thereās no lust, no ulterior motive behind it. Itās a simple confirmation that youāre both present and this is real. Spencer doesnāt shy away from the kiss, not that youād call this a kiss. It feels more intimate, more unguarded.
Spencer pulls you onto his lap as he shifts and leans back against the backrest to allow more room for you. You wrap your arms around him and the kiss deepens. In the midst of you straddling him, he slides the entire chess board off the couch and the pieces scatter on the floor. Itās only when you feel that the kiss canāt bring you any closer to him does the lust emerge. It fuels a desire to prove that you both whole-heartedly belong to each other.Ā
Thereās no pinpointing when the switch happens. All you know is that the feeling of his lips against yours is no longer enough. You cup his jaw in your hands, swiping your tongue on his lower lip and it causes his grip on your waist to tighten. He parts his lips for you and it starts what you can only call a dance with your tongues.Ā
Your breathing grows hotter, your hips subconsciously grind against him. Thereās a prominent bulge that brushes against your heat and you whine into his mouth. Spencer grunts your name in response and then abruptly pulls away.
āWait, wait, wait, slow down.ā He breathlessly whispers against your lips.Ā
āWhat?ā You whisper back with concern. āWhatās wrong?ā
āAre you sure you want to do this?ā He gazes into your eyes, afraid that you might regret this later.
āIāve never been more sure, actually.ā Youāre confident at first but the look in his eyes makes you pull back further. āUnlessā¦youāre not sure?ā
āNo, donāt misunderstand me. I want you.ā His tone rises just above the previous whisper with his clarification. āItās just that the last thing I want to do is take advantage of you when our emotions are running high.ā
āFour years, Spencer.ā You lean in again, just brushing your lips against his. āThe only reason you should be making me wait is if youāre not sure.ā
He shuts that idea down by crashing his lips on yours. The kiss is so hungry, so desperate, itās everything both of you have longed for and denied yourselves everytime youāve been in each other's presence. It doesnāt take long for hands to start to roam. He traces the curve from your waist to your hips, stopping just at the hem of your shirt, tugging it like heās asking for permission.Ā
You rush to undo your buttons and he meets you halfway, starting at the bottom. His fingers brush against yours as you two reach the final button and you pull the fabric off yourself. You do the same with his shirt, lips remaining locked, except for the small gasps of air you take in between. It requires a bit more manoeuvring with him, but youāre both soon shirtless.Ā
His mouth travels to your jaw and you shut your eyes from pleasure as he continues down to your neck. The stubble on his chin tickles your skin. You cup it, gently pushing him away with a giggle.Ā
āForget to pack a razor in your bag, Dr. Reid?ā Your voice is teasing, more playful than seductive.
He chuckles, airily, hiding his groan. He knows youāre being sarcastic, but the use of his title, with your voice in this context, catches him off guard. You moan as you feel his growing bulge against your heat when his arms tighten around your waist, pulling you into his kiss. You swiftly undo the clasp of your bra, but before you can take it off, Spencer grabs you from just below the hips and lifts you up off him, gently laying you down on the seat of the couch.Ā
Thereās no room for hesitation as his lips find your neck again and he nips at the skin. Every suckle earns him short gasps and the grip in his hair tightens as he travels lower. He stops just above your breast, pulling himself up to sit on his knees. You stare up at him with a heated gaze, the nail of your thumb resting between your teeth with your lips parted to make up for the loss of his lips.Ā
He reaches for your bra strap and begins pulling slowly, searching your eyes for any signs of you withdrawing consent. All he sees is how beautifully they sparkle when you give him a light nod. Itās been too long since heās seen the stars that you hold in your eyes, stars he accustomed himself to before he even got to properly know you.Ā
Gazing into his eyes, youāve never felt more sure, more safe. You trust him implicitly and youāve never wanted anything more. His constant need to make sure you're comfortable sends shivers down to your core. He slides the garment off you and Spencerās beyond grateful that heās already on his knees, knowing that if he was standing heād fall to them because of the sight below him.Ā
His eyes donāt falter once, heās trying to permanently etch this moment into his brain. He hovers his fingers above your body, thumb brushing against your hardened nipple and you softly whine. He looks awestruck, almost like he doesnāt believe whatās happening. You canāt help but wonder if he thinks your boobs look weird.Ā
āBeautiful.ā The words fall out of his mouth in a whisper, as if on cue. Heās really just thinking out loud.
Before you can respond he lowers down and plants a small peck to your sensitive nub before taking it into his mouth. You gasp again, head lolling back in pleasure. One of your hands goes for his hair, while the other clings to his hand thatās already holding yours. He switches between sucking, pulling and squeezing; rolling it between his tongue and uses his teeth to squeeze ever so slightly.
āSāspencer.ā A strangled moan falls from your lips.Ā
You tug his hair, whining and moaning as your hips roll against the strain in his pants. When your motions become continuous, he lets out his own strained groan and is forced to release your nipple with a small āpopā.Ā
āAngel, I really need you to stop doing that.ā He murmurs in your ear with a gentle, gravelly tone.
As soon as the nickname reaches your ears your hips involuntarily buck up again, making his hips automatically push down against yours. His cock presses against your core and you both moan, his head falling against your shoulder.
āSpence, more.ā You quietly whine in against his ear. āI need more.āĀ
āMore?ā He echoes back, turning his head so that your lips brush past each other when speaking.Ā
āMhm.ā You nod weakly as he brushes a strand of hair out of your face and weakly connects his lips with yours.
Even when heās got you vulnerable and at your most compromised, heās still as gentle as ever. You donāt feel him undo your pants or sneak his hand in them, but you definitely feel him press the pads of his fingers against your clothed clit. Air escapes through your nose in a huff of surprise and you hum in his mouth, hips jolting at his touch. He can feel your slickness through your underwear.Ā
āOh, my pretty girl.ā He sighs, breaking the kiss and directing his whispers in your ear again. āAll wet for me?ā
āPlease..ā Even with your broken whimper you beg him for more.Ā
āLike this?ā His deft fingers swipe your panties to the side, fingers landing directly on the clit this time.Ā
They feel cold at first. The contrast against your heated body makes you squirm and you groan in a soft, high pitch.Ā
āWhat are you feeling right now?ā He pries a verbal response from you, circling your bud lightly. āTell me.ā
āGood.ā You sigh, eyes shut as you try to savour the pleasure.Ā
āGood?ā His voice is still soft against your ear.
āMhm.ā You nod, one arm draping against his shoulder and the other hand running along his scruffy jaw. āSo good.āĀ
āAnd this?ā He adds pressure to his movements. āDoes this feel good?ā
Your hips buck again and he feels rewarded when you moan. Thereās no doubt that the sound of your voice is his favourite. He especially loves it when itās directed at him. Whether that be in the form of a laugh or your sweet moans. It makes him somewhat dizzy. His lips attach to the skin just under your jaw in an attempt to coax more.Ā
Itās very effective. Fingers working your bundle of nerves, circling and flicking while changing the pressure, and mouth kissing and sucking near your pulse. It makes your back arch, hand gripping his shoulder so you donāt float away. Heās careful not to leave any purple traces of him on your neck, mindful of you being bombarded with questions from your colleagues.Ā Ā
āI love how reactive you are, Angel. You sound divineā fuck.ā He canāt help the grunt that escapes him. āYou are divine.ā
His touch alone is enough to make you feel electric, but the sweet nothings heās whispering in your ear will be what send you over the edge. Itās a foreign feeling, being reminded that he values you for more than just your body. Just under an hour ago you had incredibly high walls built around you and none of them are left standing as you exposed under him.
Spencerās not the first man to touch you, but he is the first that loves you. Itās something youāre not at all used to and it feels as overwhelming as it does good. It transcends the want, no, the need for the man on top of you beyond lust or love. You plan to show him just how strong that need is tonight.Ā
The carpeted floor is littered with your clothes, carelessly thrown around and tiny chess pieces scattered around the abandoned chess board. Spencerās comfortably lying on the couch, facing the ceiling and youāre lying directly on top of him with your face buried in his neck.Ā
You run your fingers back and forth along his jaw, scratching his beard in slow streaks. Heās enveloped you in his arms, one around your lower back and the other playing with your hair. It doesnāt feel as peaceful as it seems, both of you are afraid of being the first to speak. You know you canāt stay like this forever and you decide to bite the bullet.Ā
āSpencer?āĀ
You only get silence from his end. You know heās awake because his motions in your hair donāt stop. You push yourself up to face him, trying to study his face. The sudden movement brings him back from wherever he was zoned out to.Ā
āHm?ā His features jump.
Does he regret it?
āWhatās wrong?ā Your voice shakes from worry. āYou have this look on your face.āĀ
āNothingās wrong. Iām just thinking.āĀ
āAboutā¦?āĀ
āHow bad we are at communicating.ā He chuckles. āItās concerning when you think about how all we ever do is talk.āĀ
Hearing this makes you snort and you fall into him again. It sends both of you into a short fit of laughter.Ā
āOh thatās promising for the success of this relationship.ā You giggle, sarcasm evident.Ā
Hearing relationship makes Spencer inhale sharply.Ā
āSo youāre staying?āĀ
āWell obviously, Dingbat.ā You scoff playfully at the question and shift upright, straddling him. āBut we really do need to get better at the communication thing for this to work.ā
Spencer mounts his weight on his hands by either side of him and pushes himself up to you, stealing a deep kiss.Ā
āYes, we absolutely do.ā He whispers, breaking away for only a second.Ā
The kisses fizzle in you a plethora of smaller kisses.Ā
āSpencer, Iāmā serious.ā You voice in between, loosely draping your arms on his shoulders.Ā
āI am too.ā He says in a hushed tone as he pulls away.Ā
āI want to take itā this,ā you motion between the two of you with your finger, āus, slow. Not four years slow, but, like, by a couple of months at the very least.ā
āOkay.ā He agrees, his eyes scouring your face with complete adoration. Itās not ideal, but he understands where youāre coming from.Ā
āThat means that we start again. Romantically. We have to talk about a lot of things first.āĀ
He shifts his body out from under you, resting his back properly against the couch and pulls you back into his lap in one swift motion. Both of his hands graze from your shoulder to your wrist.
āHow aboutā¦you come over this weekend,ā He suggests, wrapping his arms around your waist for a hug, āweāll do snacks, a movie, maybe an actual game of chess.āĀ
āThat sounds like a date.ā You wrap your arms around his neck to return the gesture and lean your forehead against his.Ā
āItās not a date. Not yet, anyways.ā He whispers. āIām asking you to come over this weekend so we can talk about things properly, because frankly, I donāt think either of us is in the right headspace for it right now.āĀ
āShould I be offended at that?ā You giggle, not entirely sure what heās alluding to.Ā
āNo!ā He snorts with a high tone. āDopamine aside, our Norepinephrine and Serotonin levels are too high right now for us to have a proper conversation about this.āĀ
āIām not saying that youāre wrong, because youāre not, but I also think youāre just using science to try and confuse me, so that I agree to wherever this speech is heading.āĀ
āItās times like this where your attentiveness puts me at a disadvantage, because this tactic has a hundred percent success rate on everybody else.ā He grins and you chuckle, both leaning in for another kiss.Ā
āCan we hold off on starting over? Just for tonight.ā He reluctantly voices, not wanting to push any boundaries.Ā
You draw back and raise your eyebrows with your eyes widened.Ā
āSpence, I have waited for years for this. Youāre insane if you think Iām giving that up without relishing in it for at least a night. Weāre not starting over until weāre both officially back on the clock.āĀ
āOkay.ā He heaves from relief, leaning in for another kiss, but quickly withdraws with a new question. āDonāt you think the teamās going to be suspicious when weāre not fighting tomorrow?ā
āForget them, what am I gonna say to Hotch when I ask to withdraw my resignation?ā You huff out a tiny groan. āHeās gonna hate me for all this paperwork.ā
Paperwork reminds you why youāre here to begin with. You audibly gasp, jumping off Spencer and scrambling to put your clothes back on.Ā
āFuck! Spencer, get dressed!āĀ
Spencer doesnāt share your panic, but adheres to your demand. You mutter a continuous line of obscenities as you throw on your clothes and when you donāt seem to be getting calmer, he intervenes.Ā
āHey, hey, hey!ā He coos as he steps towards you, still undressed on the upper-half. āWhatās wrong?ā
āWhatās wrong is that weāve been here for hours!ā You shriek, now fully dressed.Ā
You push past Spencer and grab his shirt, deciding that he was too slow on his own. He lets you dress him as he probes further.Ā
āThatās okay. No oneās going to notice this late.āĀ
āNoā Spenceāā You sigh, throwing your head back. āIn less than four hours, Hotch is going to walk into his office expecting the Anchorage report on his desk. Iāve barely been able to get half of it done in weeks, how am I going to finish it in four hours?ā
You shake your head and begin working on his buttons. He grabs your wrists, urging you to look at him.Ā
āYouāll have it done in less than one. Iāll help you!ā His voice is light, airy, soft and accompanied with a chuckle.
āSpencer, youāve already been here later than you need to be. Itās okayāā
āLet me help you.ā He resorts to pleading, releasing your wrists and cupping your face.
You donāt have it in you to argue, his eyes staring back at you with sincerity. He wants to help. Thereās no point in pushing him away, because as scared as you are about being too vulnerable with your trauma from that case, you trust him wholeheartedly. You know he wonāt push for more than what you choose to share right now.
āOkay.ā You nod and smile into the kiss he leans in for after the confirmation.Ā
āOkay. Now, you go and start some coffee.ā he instructs softly with a wide grin, waving to the scattered chess ensemble. ā Iām going to clean up here and join you.ā
āI love you!ā You lean for another kiss and hushedly exclaim as you break away, receding towards the door.Ā
Itās Spencerās turn to lose his breath. Heās affirmed his love for you countless times tonight and this is the first time youāve verbally reciprocated it. He knows that it wonāt be the last time either. That, to him, makes him the luckiest man in the world. He stops you from going any further by your arm and gently yanks you in his direction, crashing his lips with yours.Ā
āI love you too.ā He whispers after the kiss, letting you go.Ā
Heat rises in your face again and you struggle to hide a huge dopey smile, one that Spencer has too. Youāre floating on cloud nine, finally out of the blurry hurricane youāve endured for months. Thereās still a lot of things that you need to work out, but the thought of them doesnāt make you feel dread like it once did.Ā
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is Love." - Socrates
Spoilers:
Yapperoni (so much dialog in this chapter), BAU! Reader, enemies (kinda) to lovers, hurt, comfort, love confessions (they might be a little too sappy, idk, I was sleep deprived), the praise made me giddy at some point, smut but I edge you by not writing out everything, happy ending.
AN - I have a little tiny fear that people (me) will nawt (I donāt) fuck with this monstrosity, but out of all my drafts, this felt like the most natural course of action. I thought it would be really fun to go from friends to enemies to lovers. Now, literally nobody talk to me about writing fics after this. Uniās started, so Iāll be very inconsistent for a bit.
Casual reminder: I am not Spencer Reid. I donāt have an IQ of 187. Any facts I make him spew could very well be bull-shit and he only spews them for the purpose of the story. I also have no knowledge of how the FBI works and lack a ton of common sense. A lot of things were made up for the purpose of this story.
A comment today keeps semicolon away (from showing up to your house and eating all your snacks).
Thank you for reading!
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Hi love, you have an amazing imagination, and I love your writing style. I was wondering if you could maybe do some more with Wolverine. I'm in that x men stage again. And I loved you last piece of work on him. Maybe you could do a continuation of it or think of something completely new. Anyway, dont feel pressured ā¤ļø
A/N: ur actually so sweet, thank uu! I'm also rlly shocked but appreciative of all the love Professor Howlett received, so u don't even have to ask twice for more, it's my pleasure ;)
Divided Attention
Professor Howlett II
Part one
Warnings: minors dni, Smut, fluff, language, jealousy, (legal) age gap, oral, f!receiving, semi-public
Pairing: Logan x Student (Mutant) reader
Summary: Things were going well with you and Logan, until he suddenly put distance between you both, acting strangely. On top of that, you catch him threatening one of your fellow classmates and have no choice, but to face your issues, head-on.
Word count: 2.6k
ā¦
Any small moment together, Logan and I chased. The little highs we could derive from our busy schedules, we eagerly pursued.
From a quickie in the janitor's closet, a make-out session after class, or a passionate sleepover, Logan consumed every inch of my life. He was consuming every bit of my mind, and an ominous trepidation was closing in, alongside him.
The more I saw him, the greedier I became. Desperate to see and feel more of him, beyond the surface. So, it was no surprise, that I soon desired something more from our casual relationship.
With graduation just around the corner, I was almost home free. Free to outwardly tell him what I yearned for.
But the concern that racked my brain constantly, that trepidation, was whether he wanted the same.
As I was getting to know him, it was clear there were parts of him I had yet to discover, parts he seemed reluctant to reveal. Sometimes he would be open, close by my side. The next second, he would shut down.
What made matters worse, was that recently, he hadn't sought me out. It's felt as though he's no longer hungry for those small moments, that I still very much craved.
Now I'm on edge and have no clue what he's thinking, or what he thinks of us.
...
The day started like any other. I went to each class, exhausted and disinterested, till that afternoon. Something caught my eye, and the eyes of the school's populace: Logan pinning a male student to the wall of the vast, oak wood hallway.
They speak in hushed tones to one another, and the boy looks beyond frightened, while Logan looks ready to tear his head from his scrawny neck.
It takes only a moment for my alarm to pass, and for me to note, that this boy sits next to me in history.
A sharp intake of breath hitches in my throat.
His name's Mikey, and he has been a nuisance to Logan from the get-go, long before our intimate affair. Labelled as the class clown, Mikey uses his obnoxious voice and meddling powers to disturb Logan's lessons, daily. To top it off, Mikey consistently bothers me, mimicking what I say, and staring at my profile, for far too long.
Just when Logan dips his head closer to Mikey, perhaps to rip out his jugular, like the predator he is, Scott interjects.
"Logan! Drop him!" When Scott's unnerved voice orders Logan, my eyes snap to Mikey's feet, which are spraddled in the air, dangling for dear life.
I guess a few days apart made me forget just how strong he is. Maybe he's just too gentle with me to remember.
As his feet slowly lower to the floor, gasps and murmurs flood the halls, and my head frantically shoots around, surprised by the crowd of avid onlookers.
Eyes anxiously surveying the students, I hone in on Logan again, flinching when seeing his pupils, already fixed on me.
He releases Mikey immediately, retracting from him while Scott grabs his bicep, heatedly whispering into his ear, and Mikey scrambles away.
Logan's eyes shy from mine and my mouth gaps. He almost looks, embarrassed. 'Huh?'
Soon, other teachers arrive to intervene, shooing students from the crime scene.
So, aimlessly wandering outside, into the courtyard, hoping to clear my head, I think back on our classes together. Every time Mikey acted up, Logan seemingly couldnāt care less, looking more spent overall, than unsettled by his brazen jokes.
It was kind of funny, seeing Mikey quaking in his boots at the older male. It was only yesterday, that he spoke to me with such forwardness, and to Logan with such rudeness, carrying that typical smug expression -it was nice to see it wiped clean.
I laugh to myself, disbelieving what just transpired. I can only imagine what errand Professor Xavier will make Logan do to atone, or what bonding exercise he and Mikey may perform...
While I trudge down the stone steps, onto the vivid green field, I spot the devil himself, Mikey. He sits under the shade of a grand willow tree, dome hung between his bent knees.
Feeling rather empathetic, I stroll towards him, stopping in front of his feet. Evidently noticing my bright attire, his head pops up, and his dewy eyes widen.
"You alright?" I ask warily and his bottom lip trembles. He sniffs once, toughening up before responding, "I'm good." I nod, then look at the endless landscape to my right. "Whatever you did must've really been something, Mr. Howlett's rarely that peeved."
"You're telling me," he huffs sarcastically, sounding pained. Shifting, I sit beside him, maintaining some space. "If you don't mind me asking, what was that about?" Mikey pauses, thinking hard.
"No clue," he mumbles pitifully. I gawk at him, brows creasing. He peers at me and copies my appearance. "I'm not lying," he exclaims defensively. "There's no way," I retort, scoffing.
"If you don't fucking believe me, why ask," Mikey spits, mumbling "bitch" as he shoots to stomp off.
Suspiring, my crown gingerly falls onto the tree's trunk. Finding comfort in its rugged bark, I calmly savour the crisp air.
I close my eyes, for what feels like a few minutes until a fierce call of my name grips my consciousness. Eyelids cracking open, my vision focuses on Mr. Howlett himself, standing in all his glory, glaring down at me with a brooding look.
"If it isn't the man of the hour," I giggle humourlessly, straightening my spine, but choosing not to stand and seem intimidated, like he evidently wishes me to be.
"You have a nice chat?" Logan questions with an irked tone, obviously remarking on my 'chat' with Mikey. 'Was he watching us?'
I tilt my head defiantly. "I'm not picking sides," I raise both hands in surrender, smiling from ear to ear. His eye faintly twitches, and I nearly gulp. He grumbles incomprehensible nonsense, then chooses to stay relatively quiet, which is unlike him.
"Do you have something to say? Or are you just gonna stand there?" I inquire venomously.
Clearly dispising my attitude, he concentrates on my face, scowling. His features have rage written all over them, but I refuse to bow out of this impending feud.
He grumbles under his breath again, and I break.
"Speak up!" I shout, swiftly bringing my gaze to our surroundings, making sure we're alone -which is something Logan clearly isn't worried about.
"What the fuck do you two have to talk about?" He just about growls and I tense, stunned. My face contorts with perplexity. "Me and Mikey?" I question, and his eyebrows nearly conjoin in response. "Not much, just discussing you're outburst," heaving, I continue, "though he didn't have much to say on the topic," sighing, "you?"
His nostrils flare slightly, and I do my best to appear composed. "What else have you talked about?" He grunts, and I roll my eyes, rising to my feet, bored with our conversation. "What's it to you?" I ask rhetorically, internally referring to the distance he'd been building between us.
Moving elsewhere, I roughly brush past his shoulder. He doesn't immediately reply, but trails after me as I march further into the courtyard.
"The fuck you on about?" Logan vulgarly rumbles, and I forget to speak.
My pace then staggers when he delicately wraps his digits over my forearm, tugging me, almost cautiously, backward.
Square to him, I discern his thumb tracing my skin lightly, before finally looking at him. He examines his finger as it sweeps across my flesh. "Logan?" I carefully utter, and his eyes stay glued to where our bodies meet.
"Why do you talk to him," he pauses, snarling with emphasis on 'talk,' yet again. Then he murmurs, "-When you have me?" Heās so quiet, that the words are barely audible. My features instantly soften. āAre you,ā I hesitate, āJealous?ā
When he doesnāt answer, I gasp so loud, that my palm slaps over my mouth. He looks around, avoiding eye contact as I grasp the situation. āDid you threaten Mikey 'cause he yaps to me in class?ā
Logan scorned the very idea of jealousy, cruising his head in a circle, to showcase his exasperation. I smirk uncontrollably and he snits. "Don't flatter yourself Princess," he remarks blatantly. My smirk only expands. "I can't believe you," I laugh hysterically and he motions like he's going to walk away, but he stays put, and I know I've won.
"Don't pull that face," he complains, gesturing to my proud look.
"What face?" I ask, playing naive, faintly swinging my body side to side. "Just stop talking to him, he's a bad influence," he grunts, peering off to the horizon. I giggle, "Or what? Do you intend to beat every boy who speaks to me?" I counter, and he struggles to fight a smile.
"What if I do," Logan more or less declares.
Shaking my head, "You've got some nerve," I huff, "seeing as you've been avoiding me lately."
"I haven't been avoiding you-"
I interrupt, "Oh yes, you have," playfully punching his gut with a grin, which drops the second my knuckles practically grow a heartbeat. "Ow," I breathe and at last, he laughs.
When Logan's laugh dims, he looks almost sullen. "Didn't think you'd notice," he mumbles and I quirk my chin in confusion. "You seem preoccupied." Gapping at him once more, he rolls his eyes, showing his teeth. "Don't gimme that damn look girl," he heaves, "you're young and, and-"
"And what?"
"Attractive," he sighs heavily, "you don't need an old man weighing you down."
I still, catching his genuine displeasure and defeat. It's like he's disappointed I may seek romance from someone else, but accepts it regardless, for my sake, my happiness.
My heart thumps irregularly and I feel like jumping his bones. I release a lengthy sigh, with a smile twinkling. His brow rises questioningly, seeming anxious about a reaction to his masked insecurity.
"What?" He bites.
"I'm relieved," his confusion visibly progresses. "I thought you were tired of me." As his mouth opens, to probably insult my intelligence, I cut in. "I wanna go steady with you, if that wasn't obvious already." My smile grows sheepish, then taunting, "I like you Lo, and clearly you must love me."
Like he's been holding his breath, a loud puff of air escapes his chapped lips, and I shamelessly watch as he wets them.
"You've gotta be the strangest girl I've ever met," he utters with a smirk forming, and I return one, interpreting his words as a declaration of love.
"Woman," I correct, then babble jokingly, "refined Lady." He confidently strides closer. "Mistress-"
The air leaves my lungs as his solid arms devour me, squeezing tightly.
"You best realize what you're committing to," Logan comments, lightly lifting strands of my hair with his fingertips, to kiss my neck. "That means, no more talking to boys," he grunts, humour coaxing his tone. "Especially ones so far out of your league," he pulls his head back, to peer at my expectant face, "It's not even funny," he finishes with a grin.
I laugh, unable to contain my joy, quickly hiding my wild smile in his chest. A pleased hum rumbles in tune with his heavy breathing, and I listen to his heartbeat's fairly, rapid pace.
For a while, we stay present in each other's arms, with fulfillment and ease consuming our beings, synchronously. Logan's fingers drift across my lower back, leisurely tracing my curves.
"I like you, so much," I whisper airly because the words couldn't be repressed, and had escaped. His hands gradually slow to a halt, till he abruptly draws back. He looks at me, with such intense seriousness, that I shudder.
Then, he pulls away entirely, taking my hand in his larger one, to drag me deeper into the field -into the overgrown areas, looted with massive trees and bushes.
"Logan?" My whisper transforms into a squeak when I'm hauled behind various, untrimmed hedges. His palms grope my hips, stilling me before he drops to his knees. I ogle his smug face as it bores into me, before he wrestles with my pink, low-waisted, jean shorts, impatiently dragging them down my plump thighs. He mumbles, "Ridiculous" when his eyeline levels with my purple, close-to-sheer underwear.
Like my shorts, he yanks them down to my ankles, then swiftly encloses his mouth over my cunt, swiping the folds with his tongue. I throw the back of my hand over my incoming yelp, biting down to muffle it.
"Is this you tryna to deflect admitting you really like me?" I joke meekly as my mouth parts from my hand, but I quickly chomp down again, when he licks me, with a long flick of his tongue. I gasp and whimper, using my spare hand to claw at his scalp for leverage, as he hungrily laps my pussy, sucking on its nub.
A tremor racks my insides, eliciting spasms while he builds up a powerful, but excruciatingly relaxed pace. His bulky digits move to relentlessly rub my clit, applying a rhythmic pressure that makes me sob.
Logan shushes me, mouth still buried in my folds. The buzz of his voice sends shivers through my core, and the strength of his action grows, acknowledging my imminent finish.
āEyes on me,ā Logan basically growls, before diving back into my cunt.
I muffle a cry of his name with a fist now, biting my knuckles. Then, I look from the heavens, back down to the one hand I still have, clenching his silky locks.
My knees begin to buckle and his sizeable palms relocate to support my hips, with his fingertips bordering my ass, kneading it. "I'm close," I gasp, barely audible through my hand. He hums again, and when it elicits another shiver, and shake of my frame, I tumble over his back, wrecked by my climax.
Now hunched over him, with my hands splayed down his torso, I tremble furiously, coming down from my high. I can't help but whine when Logan continuously licks me. He tastes every inch of me like I'm the meal of a lifetime, like I'm oxygen itself.
"Enough," I choke, as my arousal becomes too much. His response is simply plunging further into me, to lick all the way from my ass, to clit.
Steam floods my stomach, lighting me on fire. A raging flame consumes my very being, and I relish in how dirty and dangerous this encounter is -in public on his knees for me, Logan made it known that I'm his, and he let me know, that he couldn't care less who heard us, because I was his.
"You're disturbed," I breathe, and his chuckle resonates louder when he separates from my damp skin. "You love it," he states with a smirk and an arch of his brow. He then runs his tongue over his soaked lips, and I bite back a groan, sighing, "I do."
Lifting, moving my palms to his shoulders, I capture his top lip, sucking on it as a thank you. I grin, and as if he can hear my jest coming from a mile away, he scoffs and turns to hide his smirk.
"And you must lovveee me," I repeat my earlier comment with even more enthusiasm, and he shakes his head.
He rises and I do the same. Logan then goes in for a kiss to shut me up, but just as he does, I catch his mumble of "I do."
I gasp into his mouth, eyelids stretching.
My lids briskly flutter shut when he deepens the kiss, dipping my figure, rather romantically, and we both smile.
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Whoa whoa whoa, why did you have to make mafiaunderboss!Simon sound so hot š©š©??
Can we see what it looks like when Priceās wifey brings a friend around, and sheās nothing but heart eyes for him and vice versa? I honestly just love this au
mafiaunderboss!Simon has my whole fucking heart i have so many ideas for him it's not even funny. and you know what's even better than price's wife bringing a friend around??? being that friend she brings around..... (we truly are out here living our best y/n lives)
also, i've created a mafia!141 masterlist here <3 because i don't think i'm getting out of this phase anytime soon.
warnings: mafia!underboss!Simon x shy-ish!fem!reader, reader doesn't know simon's in a mafia lmao, sorta sexual tension, short-ish drabble
When your friend invited you over to a family dinner, you weren't sure if you should go or not. Family events always seemed more like a private and cut off thing, not something a friend should attend, and you were terrified about intruding. But when she insisted that her husband wouldn't mind, and how she would love it if you were able to meet the others, you begrudgingly accepted.
You arrived right on time wearing a cute little outfit that you hoped would keep you cool enough so that you weren't sweating all throughout dinner. Once you were led into the dining room of your friends home, you very quickly realized that this was not the type of family dinner you had expected. At first, you had thought of extended family, some brothers and sisters, maybe nieces and nephews. Instead, you saw your friend's husband, John, at the head of the table, along with three other men, none of whom looked related.
After a few quick introductions, you took your seat in between your friend and a kind, boisterous man with a mohawk who the others called Soap. Once dinner was served, conversation erupted throughout the table, and while you found yourself actively listening, you didn't add a whole lot to the conversation. Instead, you were perfectly content glancing around the table, watching the men around you curse and joke with one another.
However, there was one man who caught your eyes more than anyone else. The others called him Riley, and he was almost too large to fit comfortably in the small, wooden dining chair. You swore you heard his knees knock against the table a few times. The simple black t-shirt he wore perfectly displayed the sleeve of tattoos on his arm, and you found yourself enchanted by the way the sinewy muscles of his forearm flexed as he raised his glass to his lips. It seemed impossible to tear your eyes away from him, until you realized his dark and alluring eyes had caught you. You quickly averted your gaze just in time to miss the smirk that pulled at his lips.
Dessert was served in what you assumed was the entertainment room. There was a dartboard shoved up against the wall and a billiards table towards the side of the room, both of which looked very loved with years worth of holes and scratches. While you and your friend indulged in the mouthwatering tiramisu she had made, the boys started up a game of pool, where they played long enough for John to get either too bored or too fed up with the others. They tried to get your friend to play so that they could continue playing doubles, but she quickly declined.
"What about you?" Kyle spoke up.
It took you a moment to realize that he was speaking to you. All three men had their eyes on you, including Riley. Swallowing, you shook your head as you set your dishware on the side table next to you.
"Oh, I don't really know how to play," you excused.
"That's alright," Soap said as he tapped his pool cue on the floor. "Riley's a good teacher."
Before you knew it you were standing next to the table alongside the others, your own cue in hand. It didn't take long to realize just how better at the game they were than you as they made shot after shot, and when your turn rolled around, you swallowed hard, not exactly excited to make a fool of yourself.
Still, you conjured as much confidence as you could as you leaned over the table, trying to line the stick up with the cue ball. Yet no matter how hard you tried to steady your hands, you couldn't quite get stable enough to make a good shot.
"Here," Riley spoke up as he leaned his stick against the table.
The warmth of him engulfed you as you found your back pressed against his chest. It took everything in you not to boil alive under his touch as he moved your guiding hand into position in order to strike efficiently. His hand engulfed yours as he helped you hold onto the stick, and you attempted to ignore the way his breath fanned across your ear as he spoke.
"Steady, yeah? Strike right here in the center, angle a bit to the left," he guided.
Eventually his hands slid off of yours so you could make the shot, but your brain was too overwhelmed to fully focus. Yet you tried anyway, striking the ball just like he told you and barely pocketing one of the stripes. A quick round of whoops escaped the boys as they congratulated you on your shot, despite the fact you were on the other team. Riley went for a more tame reaction, and he rested his hand on your shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.
"Nice shot."
Heat rose in your face at his touch, and you tried to swallow the warmth back into your stomach as you tapped your cue against the tip of your shoe. "All thanks to you, Riley."
For a moment, he was silent as he leaned over the table for his turn where thick fingers guided his cue along the table. Pudgy skin and muscles forced his shirt to tighten along his shoulders, and you stood there speechless as he hit his shot. He easily pocketed yet another ball before he straightened back up and turned his attention to you. His dark eyes, the ones that had been sneaking glances at you all night long, gave you a quick once over before he tilted his head slightly.
"It's just Simon to you, sweetheart."
i am fucking feral for this man. also, unrelated but mafia simon has a dick piercing <3
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