#i am begging you to understand that it doesnt matter all that much in the grand scheme of things

[swordsonnet]

it's really ironic to see people say "fandom isn't activism and watching tv shows doesn't make you an ally" (which is true!) only to in the same breath act like someone watching a "problematic" show is doing immense harm to marginalised people. the point is that fandom discourse cannot and should not be a replacement for meaningful engagement in real-life politics/activism, not to endlessly debate whether or not consuming a particular piece of media makes you a good person

[thedevotionaltour]

in terms of art alone im sorry. im a jrjr defender to my last breath you be fucking nice to him. i dont wanna hear shit❗️❗️❗️

[i-cant-sing]

Whispers in your ear like a devil on your shoulder: you should make the Miguel O'Hara scenarios. Think of the hot dad energy he would emanate :))))))

Jokes aside, it is truly up to you what to write and I would always read it, but I am begging on my hands and knees for you to tell us the platonic yandere Miguel O'Hara scenarios you have thought of.

Nooo stooopppp girll- *puts on Miguel's theme music in the background* ahh shit here we go.

Platonic Yandere Miguel O'Hara as a dad:

Okay, so im just gonna word vomit here and yall make sense of it, but like the first thing that comes to mind when I think about yandere dad Miguel is that him kidnapping daughter reader from a universe where he doesn't exist, so he's technically not breaking canon or whatever and really, it doesnt even matter if you're his bio kid or not, like u could be a literal random civilian but if he is drawn to u, then he is. And while some of yall say "oh come on, Miguel cant be like that. He doesn't make careless/thoughtless decisions like that" I'm sorry, but is this not the same person who had the nerve to step in as his dead self from an AU and sleep with his parallel universe's wife and father someone else's kid??? Granted, they did end up dying but really, the only difference between that decision and this decision to kidnap u is to make sure that u don't end up dyingggg.

Moving on, he kidnaps u, makes up some bs about your life being in danger and blah blah blah, you HAVE to stay by his side, okay??? And at first, reader is like "umm okay?" because who tf wouldnt agree with SPIDERMAN??? (especially one who looks like Miguel? he is already giving dad vibes)

And the thing with Miguel is that he super protective (because PTSD) and he's possessive too, so the only person you're allowed to hang out with is Mayday (she is the cutest, i would die to have a kid like her ngl) because he doesnt see her as a threat (someone who could take u away from him). ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with Miles (because he hates that kid, pain in his ass/bane of his existence) and pretty much all other spiderpersons as well because all of them are sarcastic and he does not need them rubbing off on u. The only other person he would trust u with is Peter B, probably when Miguel needs a babysitter (because u learned to mess with his tech-typy-locks and traps, so u need an actual person to keep eyes on u. curse the universe for u being smart like ur papa), and the biggest reason he does trust peter with u is because since peter is a father himself, he would definitely know that while miguel's methods are wrong, in his own way, he is protecting u, and peter b knows that he would do absolutely anything to keep his daughter safe too. Also- since peter has mayday, if he were to actually take u away from Miguel, then Miguel would 10000% kidnap mayday and use her against peter too until he inevitably has to return u to him.

Now Miguel is emotionally crippled due to his trauma, so he's not great at expressing his feelings, at least not when you're awake. When you're asleep, maybe his eyes turn a little softer, maybe he cups your cheek, some guilt and sadness swirling in his eyes when he sees your tear stained cheek (because u missed ur family. or maybe u got told off by Miguel in front of everyone), presses a soft kiss to your forehead and mumbles something in spanish ("you will understand in due time, mi hija.") Definitely has cameras in your room, so he looks at you through the screen and sighs when u flop on the bed and stuff your head in the pillow and start crying, heart slightly heavy with guilt.

Except from interacting with others and leaving the spider society/his apartment (idk where he lives), every need of yours is pretty much taken care of IF you follow his rules. If you behave, u get everything. If u yell at him, try to break out of his place etc, privileges are revoked and BAM, you are now confined to your room with no access to entertainment or any of your hobbies he allowed u to have. Those novels u liked to read? Too bad, they get thrown in the fireplace. Gaming console? Broken in his hands. Liked to cook/bake? No access to kitchen because u are now locked in your room.

Miguel has one important rule- you MUST obey him, under all circumstances, no questions asked. If he tells you to go to your room, honey go before his eyes turn sharp and he has to manhandle you. If he tells you to eat dinner with him, you need to eat food even if you are full. And if he's forbidden you from going to the locked room in his place that's full of info on you and your old fam, then its best for everyone for u to obey.

Now, while Miguel does have trouble expressing emotions (i mean, the most affection he's shown is head pats and if u are really really sad, then yes, smooches on the forehead.) but he has no trouble expressing anger and rage. If u mess up real bad, in the sense where u disobey him and end up hurting yourself (no matter to what degree), GIRL HE IS SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF AT YOU (like the scene from the movie where he's yelling at miles). I mean, he's so mad, he legit picks you up and hauls you to your room, where he's yelling at u even more, using the terms "child" "kid" and patronising tone because you may think you're a grown up (u might even be) but he will ALWAYS view u as a kid- THE KID he lost, the child he promised to protect and somehow get redemption, or at the very least, fill the empty hole in his heart.

And since nobody thought to inform me that my man Miguel is a literal VAMPIRE and that his fangs are not just for show to attract all kinds of viewrs, we gonna talk about that as well. Does he use them on reader when she finds out that Miguel actually fucking murdered her real fam (maybe not directly kill them, because he is a hero after all. Maybe in the sense that he knew they were gonna die, you would too unless he took u away, he just didnt bother calculating the repercussions if he did indeed save your family.) and reader is now hyperventilating and trying to claw her way out of his arms but muscled arms only pull u tighter against his chest and he just bites ur neck to let the venom paralyse you long enough for him to not only offer an explanation for his actions, but also put a tracker in you and chain u to your bed.

Does Miguel's heart absolutely shatter at your body wracking sobs and distressed state as you realise you have lost your family? Yes. Does he apologise? Never. Does he like seeing you in pain? NO. Will he cause you even more pain? ...yes, if circumstances change.

Hurting you is the last the thing he's do, but its still something he would do. He wont enjoy it, but if u messed up real bad (escaped and endangered yourself) then Miguel, with a very heavy heart will snap your ankles and limit your ability to walk for months (if not for life). This is one of his harshest punishments, and punishments are immeadiately followed with comfort, so Miguel does put your fractured bones in a cast and wipes the tears from his eyes, shushing you gently as he softly explains why he did what he did, how you dont need to worry about anything because since you took your punishment so well, Miguel will help you (he will carry you around everywhere), and maybe if you're in too much pain, he may give you some drugs(or even his venom) to put you to sleep right away.

He has lost too much, too many times. His wounds are deep and still fresh, he is not taking any chances... especially not with you.

okay thats all i have for now(its a lie, i just need to pee) but feel free to send in ur asks/thoughts/scenarios.

[sheluvv-gambino]

okay before i start i just wanna say how much i love your fics. they got me giggling, twirling my hair, yelling at the characters, all of the above. love you!!!

(my first time typing a request i’m so sorry if it doesn’t make sense 😭🤚🏽) do you think you could do a fic with 1610 Miles and black fem reader who are in a happy/stable relationship, but Gwen tries to break them apart/get miles to hookup with her? then reader finds out and doesnt stand for that shit? like, we beat her ass. i’m tired of seeing so many fics where we just brush it off or yell at Gwen. LIKE, BEAT HER ASS GIRL.

"Oh word!?"

A/N : Yes I added Hobie in just because I absolutely love the man but I didn’t add him as the next romantic partner just because i feel like using hobie as a rebound is so icky.

pairings : Aged up!1610!miles morales x black fem!reader (aged up to 18 because what 15 year old his sleeping with someone under his parents roof.

summary : If it’s okay for Miles to cheat and hurt you then it’s okay for you to proceed with anything you want to do, no matter if a certain blondie with a bad bob gets in the way.

warnings : violence, cheating, weed, gw*n ( Yup she’s a warning in itself especially after the way she did my man dirty.)

There was nothing that Miles could do that would lead you to thinking that he would ever cheat on you until hangouts with Gwen became more frequent.

You’re not a jealous person by any means and you’ve never restricted Miles from having any female friends, you just weren’t built to have a pit of hatred here for another woman that has a friendship with your man.

You would be a hypocrite to not let Miles have any female friends considering how close you and Hobie were. Hobie has never and would never overstep on any boundaries, he respected you and Miles way too much to do that.

But what you were built for was not tolerating when another girl attacks your relationship like a pigeon finally getting access to bread after begging from strangers just to get food.

It wasn’t your fault that Gwen couldn’t find a man nor keep a man.

She took the only genuine friendship she had and used it against Miles just because of how naive he was in that friendship.

Miles had always been sweet to you.He never skipped out on dates and always made you a priority in his life even though he juggled being Spiderman, a son, and your boyfriend.

Miles truly let him be himself when he was around you. He put his full trust into you like you had done with him.

But with Miles being the most perfect boyfriend he thought he could be, he also realised the second he screwed up what he had with you just by entertaining Gwen’s antics which ultimately led to the two of them in bed together heavy breathing.

Of course you realised the second Gwen started acting different with Miles.

You had even talked to Miles about setting boundaries so that she understood her place in Miles life and not to cross a bridge she couldn’t come back from.

“Ion like the way Gwen’s been moving with you lately. It’s like she went from totally platonic to flirting with you with no care in the world.” You said whilst massaging Miles’ scalp as his lay on your chest.

“Are you sure? I’m pretty sure I would’ve seen it.” Miles responded.

“That’s because my love, you are not a woman nor do you have the mind of one. You don’t see the way woman move behind closed doors.” You looked down at him lovingly.

“Maybe your just overreacting. I mean Gwen would never do that. Do you not trust me or something?” Miles questioned with pure disbelief in his voice.

“Nah I didn’t say that and you know it. Of course I trust, why else would i be with you. What I am saying is that right now I don’t trust her and her intentions. I’m telling you now if you don’t dead that shit she’s gonna use that as her way into snake this relationship and hurt us.” You told him now sitting up to have direct eye contact.

“Okay I hear you, mi vida.”

He obviously heard you he just clearly didn’t understand you.

You were walking home from Miles’ apartment when you realised that you left your purse that had your keys inside as well. So you decided to just walk back to Miles’ as you knew he wouldn’t have mind.

You were just there thirty minutes ago what could’ve changed in half an hour

Apparently a lot.

Walking back into Miles’ apartment you took your shoes off to respect his parents rules even when they weren’t here.

You knocked on his door before opening it and walked in.

You weren’t ready for what was in front of you.

They obviously didn’t hear you as they kept up the action on his bed.

“Oh word?! That’s what we doing now? You got that bitch in your bed after I told you how i felt about what she was doing. How incompetent do you have to be to loose a three year relationship over a girl that clearly doesn’t even respect you or me!” You said calmly, you weren’t going to let them know the bubbling tension you felt in your heart in that moment.

They quickly gathered themselves and Miles pulled himself from Gwen and made his way over to you.

Before he could even stutter a half assed apology you launched over to Gwen who was putting her pants back on and dragged her by her brittle hair down to the floor.

You couldn’t even hear what Miles was trying to say, you pounded Gwen’s head in numerous times .

Although she was stronger than you due to her spider powers she clearly had never been a fight without her suit before.

She on the ground trying to cover her head looking like a cockroach that had just been found.

She was bleeding from so many holes that you had given her.

You pulled her up just to slam how by the ridges of Miles’ bed to make her back hurt.

All whilst this was happening Miles was just standing in the corner having no idea what to do.

Sure he had just had sex with Gwen but that didn’t mean she didn’t deserve that ass beating since she was the one to initiate her and Miles’s interaction after you had left.

Finally you had come back to your senses and let go of Gwen.

You booted her with your foot just to be sure you left Miles to deal with a bleeding mess.

“That’s the bitch you put over me, just remember that. We’re done you dumbass nigga!” You looked a Miles as you dusted of your hands and darter out the Morales residence. Even though Jeff loved you like his own he was still a police officer and you had just broken up with his son so the odds weren’t particularly in your favour since you had just beat up Gwen in his home.

As you walked back to your house from Miles’ for the last time you decided to text Hobie.

——————

“I am so bloody glad I popped over to your dimension.” Hobie laughed as he took in another drag of the joint the two you had lit up.

“Ha ha Hobie, yes me getting cheated on is very funny.” You glared at him and snatching the joint back into your hands.

“Nah I’m sorry lov’ i just weren’t expecting that is all, as cheesy as it sounds I’ll always be ‘ere for ya.” He said genuinely, slugging his arm around your shoulder to pull you in closer.

“Yeah, thanks Mr Hobart Brown!” You giggled, the weed finally hitting you.

“Oi!”

[yonpote]

Honestly so relieved with the charity they picked. As an adult I spent a lot of time trying to not seek out validation for my political/social opinions from celebrities but I am so glad they're doing this. I don't mind him being apolitical online but it's nice to see he's doing this because it's important

yeah i think phil has always been good about this even tho sure hes not as vocal about his politics as dan can be. i was talking to some friends and i misremembered phil posting a black square on ig during the BLM protests for george floyd (which if u dont remember was just the absolute laziest form of performative activism) but they quickly corrected me that he actually posted a graphic that said Black lives matter and had a handful of resources in support of the movement and didnt tag it was blacksquare or anything like that and imo very clearly wasnt doing that for clout

i'll be real i was growing a little frustrated hearing about people who were really begging them to speak up about this, and i can understand feeling disappointed when your favs dont speak up about something important but ultimately sometimes thats a thing you just have to let go. and like this point is moot now because they are speaking up and supporting the pcrf and everything! i remember when people hounded dan for tweeting about a ceasefire? as in pro-palestine ppl getting angry with the way he worded his tweet? and like. idk i get it sometimes dan doesnt perfectly phrase things but like WE KNOW he has his heart in the right place so like what's the point in getting upset about the particulars of his choice of words.in general internet culture is so much about semantics and wording things rather than about actions and intent and impact on the world.

and its also very much a parasocial thing to where like, i think for ME bc ive figured out a healthier way to interact with my favs. i know how to separate them from me as a person so like, dnp's actions and statements don't say anything about me as a person or any of their fans. and i mean that's been proven with like, on twitter theres like all these fanartists doing incentives for ppl to donate for fanart and thats like so cool and like didnt need to be sanctioned by dnp or anything it was just something a bunch of people decided together ykwim?

[ghcstao3]

hi, hope you're well! so today I was thinking (bc ofc my brain's natural reaction is to lunge viciously for the hurt/comfort), what if the '09 game events still happened? Like, instead of AUs (where timelines branch off from a single event), it's a glitch in the timeline? So you have the '22 version of the 141 doing their thing, but they have nightmares & deja vu stemming from the '09 stuff. Cue (yes I'm shipping) SoapGhost where Ghost has all these bad feelings concerning Shepherd plus he has awful nightmares about burning & Soap's there to comfort him, but he's afraid that they're all losing it bc he keeps having similar dreams concerning how he dies--

i am well ty! hope u are as well!

anyway i tried my Best. however u may (will) have to pretend 22 141 doesnt know shepherd was part of the betrayal bc uhhh yeah👍🙂👍 also cw for kinda graphic desc of ghost’s nightmares

-

Soap couldn’t pinpoint when the dreams started, or why, for that matter—but what he does know is that it’s pure and utter torment.

It’s a unique fear that festers in their wake, in cold sweat and heart palpitations. It’s spine-chilling in a way Soap has never experienced, because while he’s confident he’s looked death in the eyes on too many occasions, never has he actually died.

But his dreams, these dreams—they tell him otherwise. And he isn’t the only one, either.

Gaz and Price have started to look just as sleepless. And Ghost—Soap has never seen him so afraid. When, for the first time in weeks, Soap sees his face, it’s harrowed. Haunted.

There’s a sense of familiarity that’s brought along with Soap’s dreams; explosions, gunfire, dilapidated buildings and someone screaming his name. His brain supplies him with the knowledge that it’s Price, but it isn’t, not really. At least, not how he knows Price. He feels old wounds tearing open and a searing pain in his side as his body is drained of far too much blood, and Price—not his Price—is shaking him. Begging.

In the end, it just makes sense to Soap. To die in the field. But the dream is too visceral to feel anything but real, and he starts to wonder just when he’d begun to deserve these sorts of taunts.

Gaz says his own nightmares are blunt, but just as violent. As fiery. Price doesn’t say anything, but there’s a new sunken quality to the bags under his eyes, and he just looks at his team so different, with a tortured gaze and a regret so profound he doesn’t seem to understand it himself.

Finally, Soap thinks, their mental states have deteriorated beyond repair. Until, in his arms, Ghost is screaming his throat raw in his sleep, a wail only ever sounded by those trekking their way through hell. Soap’s heard it before, from others, in their final moments, but never from the living.

And that’s when Soap begins to understand that these aren’t just some dreams, but some distant reality he hopes to never face.

Soap gently coaxes Ghost from his slumber, cutting through nightmare and imagination and whatever horrible thing could have Ghost in such pain. His face wets with tears as he slowly wakes, clinging to Soap like a child might to their mother’s leg in an indescribable fear. Ghost has never seemed so small.

“It’s not just you,” Soap whispers. He presses a kiss to Ghost’s temple, pulls the man closer. “Tell me what happened.”

As Ghost gradually forces out the words Soap begins to feel sick, nauseated not only by their contents but by the knowledge that Ghost had just lived through it, but he never lets go. Never asks for Ghost to stop speaking, just listens. Listens even as something gnaws away at his gut, as bile climbs his throat.

Hot, Ghost says. It was hot. A bullet had been lodged somewhere in his body but it didn’t matter—it was hot. He’d claw off his skin to get rid of the heat if it weren’t already melting flesh from muscle, from bone. Clothes and gear meld with his corpse and he feels it all, feels the bubbling, smells the burning, senses the way parts of his body slough off into ash.

He’s reaching for someone, and there’s the itch of betrayal, and a voice in his ear that he knows, instinctually, is Price, but there isn’t anything more he can do than lie there and accept his fate as his fleeting thoughts pester him about everything he’d done wrong. About everything he could’ve done—should’ve done to save… to save—

“I know his name,” Ghost murmurs, “but I also don’t. And I—“

“Don’t dwell on it, Simon,” Soap advises. “Please.”

Ghost shakes his head against Soap’s shoulder. “I can’t just—it’s not something I can forget, Johnny. Not when it keeps happening.”

“But you can,” Soap pleads. A terrible sense of dread has befallen him, growing in intensity and insistence. Something isn’t right, but he doesn’t know if he wants to find out just what. “We all can.”

Ghost is silent a moment. Shifts somehow closer to Soap. Soap can hear him thinking.

“I don’t know if we should be trusting Shepherd,” he finally says.

Soap’s face pinches in a tight frown. It seems such a random topic for this hour, after such terror. “Why?”

Ghost shrugs. “Can’t explain it. Gut feeling. Could be wrong, but—“

“When are you ever?” It’s meant to be teasing, but Soap does trust Ghost’s judgement more than anyone, perhaps even more than his own. Ghost just nods and clings ever tighter until his breathing evens out and tense muscles go lax.

Soap can’t find it in himself to fall back asleep.

Instead, he begins to wonder just how true these nightmares hold. And he begins to question how exactly Shepherd may fit into all of it.

Unfortunately, though, he supposes, there’s only one way to find out.

[pacifymebby]

the peaky boys with their own personal nurse/cheerleader that can handle violence but doesn't fight themselves just patches them up and tell them how good they did with a smile on their face

Loved this idea thank u for sending it in anon ❤️❤️❤️

Tommy

🌿 Not used to having a woman encourage him to violence? The first time he hears you say it "You are gonna kill em aren't you Tommy?" the "Aye love, I am gonna kill him..." he breathes, is almost incredulous. And when you say "Good," with a satisfied little smile his lips actually part and he's speechless.

🌿 He always discourages you "Shouldn't wish violence upon others angel, it goes against god..." but secretly he enjoys hearing you mumble "Fuck god," likes the way you cross your arms defiantly. "Atta girl,"

🌿 But he does always question you, he can't understand how a delicate creature like yourself could be so impressed by the violent things he does

🌿 You are though, it turns you on, being with a dangerous man, makes you feel dangerous yourself.

🌿You did once ask him to teach you how to shoot but before the sentence had fully left your lips he'd covered your mouth with his hand.

🌿"no, fuckin no... Don't you dare finish that sentence and don't you ever ask me again..."

🌿You could tell from his sharp tone and the knife like look in his eyes that you would regret defying him, so you accepted your place beside him, cheering him on but never committing an act of violence yourself.

🌿And over time Tommy grows to appreciate your violent streak, the way you never beg him to spare someone, the way you never cry when he says he has to go away... You're never scared he won't come back because you have complete faith in him.

🌿 And he especially appreciates that your fearlessness means that no matter what state he comes back to you in, you're always ready to stitch and patch him up. The sight of his blood doesn't make you feel faint or sick.

🌿"Bloods just evidence you put up a good fuckin fight," "Aye angel, reckon i did..." "That means you won doesn't it," he likes the devilish little smile which tugs on your lips whenever you find out the details of a fight.

🌿 But Tommys still Tommy so he doesn't share all the details with you.

🌿And if he didnt "win" and hes come back to you pissed off and all bloodied up you still patch him up with a smile on your face, telling him next time will be different, next time they wont be so lucky.

🌿He likes having someone believe in him so completely but he worries that one day he'll let you down.

Alfie

🐻 Isn't going to tell you about what happened, is going to tease you about the fact youre so interested.

🐻 "now what youve got me wondering here y/n, is... Right... Is why someone like you ey... Someone who's good and sweet and... Pure" "Not pure," "yeah alright alright sweetheart... Not exactly pure.. But still good right... why would someone as sweet as you want to know about somet as rotten and bad as all that..."

🐻 Enjoys the fuss you make over him, likes that youre his personal nurse, definitely pretends it doesnt hurt as much as it really does, but definitely always pretends hes youve missed somewhere you havent just to keep you there a little longer...

🐻 "well hang on a minute sweetheart what about here right? Whst about here?" pointing to his cheek, or his crotch...

🐻 But he's done so well and you think he deserves rewarding for all his hard work, even if he is a bad bad man.

🐻 A lot of these patching up sessions become intimate... You trailing your hand down his chest, past his now packed up wounds, to his trousers, nimble fingers unbuttoning and slipping inside.

🐻 All the more passionate if the trouble had anything to do with you...

🐻 Youre always telling him how proud of him you are and he loves to hear you say things like "My Alfies so strong and mean, he can do anything he likes..."

🐻 "Is that right sweetheart is that right... What if what i like... Is you?" hands on your hips pulling you back towards him.

🐻 Hes your big strong teddy bear who's mean to everyone but you and you know youre always safe with him, because he always wins a fight, one way or another he'll never lose.

Arthur

🍂 Doesnt need encouraging really does he...

🍂 For so long he was terrified of you seeing him be violent, he'd hold himself back in front of you for fear you'd be disgusted by the 'monster' he felt like he became.

🍂 But one day youre with him down the Garrison and a fight breaks out. You can see Arthur desperately trying to withold his animalistic instincts...

🍂 So you squeeze his hand, stand on your tiptoes and whisper in his ear

🍂 "Don't hold back on my account Arthur Shelby, know you want to kill him... This is your fuckin garrison eh?"

🍂 So he lets loose and he does exactly as he wants to... Restores peace in the most violent of ways and you'd be lying if you said it didn't excite you just a little seeing how formidable and fierce your man can be

🍂 But when he comes down from the adrenaline, he feels that familiar shame again, the guilt of what he's done, questioning whether he really is just a good for nothing animal. He tries to get away from you, out of your sight because hes so ashamed but you rush to him

🍂 "Arthur Shelby where do ye think youre going?!" you grab him by the shirt collar and before you do anything else you plant a passionate kiss on his mouth, holding onto him like your life depends on it.

🍂 "Did so fuckin good arthur, bastard had it coming, you did so fuckin good."

🍂 Patching him up involves struggling to keep your hands off him, taking his face in your hands, deep kisses.

🍂Fucking him slowly to calm him down

John

🌼 You've been patching john up after scrapes and tumbles since you were both just kids so you're both used to the routine by now.

🌼Even if the injuries are somewhat more serious now... You were never one to squirm at the sight of blood. Only change from your childhood is that now when John comes back with a bloody lip, he doesnt have to beg you to kiss it better.

🌼 You arent averse to violence but you do get scared when you see a fight break out... You've guns and knives to worry about, youre not kids anymore.

🌼So youre always relieved to be cleaning him up after a fight, at least youve got him there with you to clean up.

🌼 You get worried one day he'll bite off more than he can chew but whenever you tell him that he just makes a joke out of it... "what with this big mouth? Nah love" gnashes his teeth at you to prove the point and make you laugh.

🌼His adrenaline from the fight and your adrenaline from worrying leads to some passionate scenes once hes bandaged up.

🌼 You think hes a fucking idiot but hes your idiot and you wouldnt change things for the world.

🌼 And you always tell him youre proud of him, hes never going to let you down, youre sure of that.

🌼 Your voice has been heard on more occasions than one to be shouting from a crowd of onlookers... "come on John boy, where it fuckin hurts!"

🌼And sometimes youre the reason he decides not to hold back... "I'd throttle him for that if i were you..."

🌼So half of small heath fears youre just as wild as him...

🌼 And you might have a wild flame burning inside you, but for the most part youre a gentle soul who always takes care of her man with a smile on her face.

Bonnie

🍀You just couldnt be a fighters girl if you got upset over a bit of blood... Thats something youve had to remind Bonnie of many times

🍀Because he always expects you to wince when you see him after a fight, or get scared when you watch him in the ring, especially when hes fixing a match for tommy and hes practically letting himself get hurt.

🍀But no, youre not bothered by a bit of blood, you're a gypsy girl and youve seen worse..

🍀And you're the loudest voice yelling encouragement for him from the crowd, youre always bursting with pride for him and you wouldnt miss one of your boys fights for the whole world.

🍀 Its your voice which really gets him riled up, gives him that extra shot of adrenaline to get him through a tough fight.

🍀You always patch him up after a fight, he won't let anyone else do it. Likes how careful with him you are.

🍀 "youve got healing hands little dove,"

🍀Pretends to be more hurt than he is because he enjoys how you spoil him with affection and sympathy.

🍀The other reason youre the only one who is allowed to patch him up, is that no one quite stokes his ego like you do. Telling him how amazing he did, how proud of him you are. How good he looked up there in the ring.

🍀Aberama thinks you're daft and tells you as much "That boys got you wrapped round his little finger love..." and you know its a little true.

🍀But after awhile Bonnie will send everyone else away, leaving just the two of you alone... Because all your careful little touches and your sympathy makes him needy for his little dove.

🍀" show me how proud of your fighter you are dove..."

🍀Its different if its Peaky Fighting though, that does scare you a little. You are scared he'll get himself killed one day and you don't like Tommy Shelby, you dont trust him and you don't think Bonnie should either.

🍀It doesnt stop you giving him that encouragement though, it just sounds a little different. "You're not gonna let em get you Bon..." "Make sure you come back to me in one piece," and when he does come back to you and the injuries aren't too serious and hes definitely alright, you put your head against yours, all relieved smiles and say things like "thank you, thank you for coming back to me,"

🍀You're very proud of him/to be his and youre always reminding him that you're his girl. "My fighter boys gonna be the most famous fighter in the world,"

Isaiah

🐀You knew what you were getting yourself into dating a peaky boy so youre not shocked when he comes back to you with the odd split lip or brow.

🐀Most of the time youre there to witness the fighting anyway, you never flinch when you see him getting hurt, you never scream or make a fuss, you wouldnt want to distract him from his work

🐀Youre not a violent girl but youre supportive of your mans work and if theres peaky enemies on the streets its him you trust to get rid of them, you make no secret of that amd you tell him all the time.

🐀"Don't show em any mercy," "You show em, you don't fuck with the peaky blinders..."

🐀If Isaiah isnt worrying then you don't either, no matter how many cuts and bruises there are, unless he tells you to worry you never will. You dont know if that means youre just as reckless as him, or whether it means you just trust him completely and without question.

🐀Either way, he doesnt have to worry about scaring you and when youre patching him up he tells you he's proud of you for being such a brave/strong girl. He loves that youre fearless.

🐀He also loves knowing he wont get into trouble with you for fighting, that you'll want to know all the details.

🐀He enjoys telling you exactly whst happened, your excitement inflates his ego and he might even exagerate his own role in the fight just to impress you more.

🐀Is very cheeky to you, "Aren't you going to thank me for keeping you safe from all those bad men..." and by thank he means fuck.

🐀And youre always happy to oblige, you especially like getting down on your knees and taking him in your mouth.

Michael

☘️Between you and his mother he's sick of being fussed over actually. He rolls his eyes at the two of you and is sullen the whole time youre patching him up

☘️Mostly because his mother is going mad at him for even being involved in the kind of peaky business that gets you shot at.

☘️But youre not mad at him, youre proud of your man for making a name of himself as a blinder.

☘️When you first rush to him youre smiling, you want to know everything that happened and hear him tell you about how good he fought

☘️But one look from Polly shuts you up and wipes that smile clean off your face.

"Silly girl! Michael don't you listen to a word that child says, you don't fuckin get yourself into anymore of these bloody fights alright?" "Aye alright mum alright"

☘️But he shares a look with you, a cheeky little smirk which tells you to be patient, thst he'll tell you everything just as soon as his mothers gone.

☘️Polly doesnt leave until shes satisfied he is alright, "And don't you go putting any ideas in my sons head, no encouragement!"

☘️Youre scared of Polly Gray but not scared enough to stop you asking questions the second she leaves the room.

☘️ He tells you everything but he definitely exagerates his part in the fight and how well he did just to impress you and get you excited.

☘️Whilst hes telling you hes touching you, carressing you, trying to excite you in more ways than one. Takes you to bed and fucks you hard, taking all his frustrations out on you.

☘️Afterwards you straddle him, looking down at him, begging him to tell you again about how good he fought, how strong he is.

[reallifemarvbruh]

NEW INTRO !!

hello and welcome.

this is my official new intro because the other one was waayy outdated.

people call me by a couple different things, those things being Zebruh, Travis, and Gamzee.

my pronouns are he/they and im a t4t trans dude.

THIS ACCOUNT IS AGELESS

if you have a problem with that then please see your way out. i post mainly dead dove content and nsfw concepts.

if youve made it this far then we can get into the good shit.

i am a fanfic writer and role player, specifically into dead dove and angsty porn although i do like fluff and normal shit.

i have been writing and role playing since i can remember and am pretty good at it.

im always open to role play or make new friends.

toxic yaoi<3

FANDOM

i am always online and am into fandom related spaces.

i enjoy

homestuck

hiveswap

sally face

warrior cats

boyfriend to death

your boyfriend

aqua teen hunger force

and many more.

this account is mostly homestuck and hiveswap with some other stuff mixed in.

i have been into fandoms ever since i can remember and it is literally what my life revolves around i love fandoms so much omg…

they give me life and help me through everything

I AM A ZEBRUH APOLOGIST

i love zebruh more then anything he totally didnt do anything wrong at all he deserves all the love and respect in the world no matter what. for sure.

i am a HUGE marvbruh shipper if you couldnt tell already, i will defend them until the day that i die.

if you dont like that then why are you here?

they are literally my babies and they are in love i dont want to hear a WORD about it.

marvus hypes up his loser boyfriend alright deal with it.

i am on a sinking ship and i am the captain.

WHAT ABOUT >>ME<<?

i am a freak beyond understanding. i am something otherworldly.

im a scenemo kid, i have black hair with side bangs and purple/blue raccoon tails.

i love music of all different kinds, mostly music thats about darker topics such as stalking, suicide, necro, cannibalism, age gaps, etc.

im also a rollercoaster enthusiast.

i have two cats that probably hate me but pretend to love me.

i have an awesome group of friends and THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD.

pray for him he puts up with my shit.

his blog is @dirtymaidpanties go give him love.

we’ve been together for four years and hes probably so tired of me posting and promoting him LOL i dont blame him im crazy.

i have a discord but youll have to beg on your hands and knees for it.

im a huge history and music nerd. i can talk about it for hours.

i have a myriad of mental health disorders.

i am hypersexual and have a porn addiction.

i love all fucked up characters.

bro, gamzee, cronus, it doesnt matter i love them all equally.

im also a furry.

and i cosplay.

!!!I HAVE NO DNI!!!

you can interact if youre anti, proship, or whatever else. our lives are too short to judge solely based off of one thing alone. if i dont like you ill just block you its that easy. plus dnis are dumb.

if you wanna yell at me for that i dont really care.

you guys are so judgmental its fucking crazy holy shit.

if you wanna make fun of me and be a bitch i wont block you though. that shit makes me horny i have a kink for that.

anyways bye kitties remember to support your local marvbruh fan.

pictures ehehee

i am literally zebruh guys i can confirm that marvus loves me very very very much hes my boyfriend

(he just doesnt know it yet)

[bsdaddictilychuuyanyosano]

Im so damn confused, why are people staying silent about the genocide happening in Gaza? Isnt your religion against murder? Why are you staying silent about the very thing your religion is against? Its a very confusing thing to me. Are they just not white enough for you to care? Just because they are of different color, race, gender, religion and et cetera doesnt mean that they arent human. Us humans should be working together and at peace with one another (but I know that is almost impossible). I also cannot understand what is going on in the heads of zionists or those who side with Israhell. Why do you support murder? Why do you support the murder of innocents? Lets say you were in their situation, starving, thirsty, ill, homeless, and extremely tired both physically and mentally. You would be crying and begging for help right? So why arent you helping them right now? It doesnt matter how much you do, at least its better than doing nothing to help the situation. Like at least boycott or spread awareness, that is the least you can do yk? Please do what you can to ease the situation in Gaza and all the other countries suffering, like attend protests, donate, do your best to spread awareness, and boycott. I dont want to see anymore innocents in Gaza being killed for no good reason and neither do they want to see their loved ones being killed.

(Forgive me for any spelling and grammar errors, I am not so good in spelling after all. I also wrote this because it seems that my classmates are ignorant and silent about the genocide)

[rattlingheart]

i finally decided to sit down and write out how i've been feeling.

Am I selfish? Am I jealous? Am I a bad person to the people I care about? Are they bad to me? I don’t understand why it’s so wrong of me to have wants. All i want is someone for myself. I want someone who would do anything for me at any time. I want to be cared for, i want to be loved and i want to be wanted and needed. Why is that so bad? I want my own person. Everyone else has their own so why cant i have one too? Every time i try to explain it i end up looking like the bad guy. Maybe my actions arent great and maybe i feel things too strong but none of that would matter if i had someone who understood. Nobody ive ever talked to knows what im going through because everyone at one point or another has had their person. They dont know what its like to think you have someone and then lose them to someone else, over and over and over again. At this point it just feels hopeless and im starting to feel like an idiot for ever thinking it could happen. I know it sounds conceited to think im the only person to ever feel this way but thats just how it feels. I want to be wanted so bad it hurts. Every day i spend alone makes me feel worse and worse. I dont know how much i can take. I want someone i can call and theyll answer right away, happy to hear me and ill be happy to hear them. I want to be able to have hours of conversation while also being comfortable with hours of silence. I want someone to think of me in a romantic way. To want to take me on dates and bring me flowers and show me how much they love me. I want to be so yearned for that it makes their stomach hurt. I want someone to be sad when they cant see me and angry when i talk to someone else. I want someone to put my picture in their wallet, or put a photo of us on their lockscreen. To be the first thing on someones mind when they wake up and the last thing before they fall asleep. In my eighteen years of life ive never come close. People say everyone has their time and everyone has their person, and i want to believe that so bad. I wish i could trick myself into being okay by myself and to just accept that my time wil come and that someone will love me but i just cant. Do you know how pathetic that feels? To know you have the potential to love and be loved but to never feel it? To just be fooled over and over to the point of not knowing what it feels like to have a crush anymore, not knowing if they actually want to get to know me or if they just need enough of my interests to get into my bed. I would love for someone to want to know me.

I want someone to know everything about me oh my god. I want to tell them everything about me and they tell me everything about them. I want to know someones deepest secrets and for them to know mine. I want to not be judged for the way i act, think, and feel. I promise i wont judge you if you dont judge me. I just cant understand why this is too much to ask. I want someone to meet my parents and my friends. I want to be a part of someone else's family and theyre a part of mine. I want to be thought of when holidays come around, and for them to know my birthday. I want them to ask if im coming over for dinner or if youre coming to mine. I want to be seen as a pair, if one of us is there then so is the other. It doesnt have to last forever, im not asking for a marriage partner, just a taste. I just want to dip my toes into the pool of love, i dont have to swim in it. Eventually i want to meet someone that just pulls me in with them and drowns me. I want to be smothered with love until it makes me sick. It would feel so much better than being alone. I cant even imagine how it would feel to be introduced as a girlfriend. For someone to show their family and friends my picture and to be excited about it. I hate begging for things but please. Its all ive ever wanted and yet its making me into a monster. I dont feel like myself anymore, i feel like a shell. It feels like my heart is just rattling around in my body making noise for someone to hear her. The butterfly in my stomach is dying, she hasn't fluttered in so long. I want her to be happy again, for me to just think of someone and she does somersaults around my stomach. I want to be nervous to go on a first date, maybe even a second or a third. I want to have a kiss at the end of the date like how it happens in the movies. I want someone to bring me home and want to see me again. I want to be a girlfriend, i cant wait until the day someone asks me. I think ill die right there in that moment. I want to say i love you. I want someone to say they love me every time they see me, every time they leave my presence and every time they enter it. I want people to know that im loved, and to know that i love the person loving me. I want to love someone so hard that just the thought of not having them in my life makes me sick. I want it to make me cry and i want them to comfort me and say it will never happen. I want them to lie to me. So that when the day eventually comes and they tell me they no longer love me I can have faith that ill find someone else to love me. I want to have a breakup that hurts me so bad i cant leave my bed and i stop talking to people for weeks. I want to lay in my bed and rot away just reminiscing over the way they loved me for so long. I want to know the feeling of having my heart ripped out of my chest and taken from me. I want to know the feeling of growing a new heart for someone else. And for that person to nurse me back to health, back to my original self. I know its strange to want heart break but as someone whos never experienced it, i want to know what its like. I want to experience every aspect of a relationship. I want to fight and argue. I want to apologize and make amends because we both know it isnt worth it to be mad at each other. I want someone to tell me that theyre sorry, and that theyll never yell at me again. I want someone to run their fingers through my hair as i lay my head in their lap. I want someone to hold me, hold my hand, hold my body, hold my heart. I want to put my legs on someones lap and for them to rub my legs just to know theyre there. I want to have someone to grab in a crowded room, to hold my hand so i dont get lost.

I want someone on the same level as me and i pray they never leave me behind. I just want to be loved and cared for the same as everyone else in my life. I want to feel like an equal to the people around me and not like an alien. Ive spent years building myself up for other people to notice me. Ive been noticed, but no one has cared enough to stay. It makes me feel so awful. Ive learned to keep things to myself, to not overshare. I try to go after what i want but it always ends badly, i always end up looking desperate. People use desperate in a bad way but i cant help but think, is that not what i am? I am desperate. I am so unbelievably desperate for someone to want me. I cant sit with my own thoughts or it starts to make me physically and mentally ill. I need someone to share them with. I need someone to talk to. I need somebody to be there for me. I need my own person. Someone i dont have to share and someone who will always be there when i need them. Someone who will know i need them before i even realize it. I think if i had someone to pour my thoughts onto and pour all of the love inside of me, id be doing a lot better. Im just scared that what if i find my person but they dont want me in my current state? What if im too much to handle and too much to take care of. I guess theyre not my person then. When i finally do find my person, someone just for me, they will love me for who i am, what i am, and they will see the good in me. Is that too much to ask?

[woomycritiques543]

TW: Mentions of suicide, rape, abuse, and online harassment. To continue on with the Dirgentlemen issue, this time with more evidence since im having to defend myself from the Hazbin "critics" in this fandom- for the thirtieth time!

Ive added more information (text wise) to the last post regarding Dirgentlemen's direspect towards my personal information and legal rights. Otherwise, I will not be further disclosing anything as I want no more involvement with this person or for the situation to get any worse. I provided my evidence, both here and on Twitter to put as much as I could into both the threads, and on here, I defended myself as much as I could from this much larger channel. Both saying "abuser language" and "innapropiate" not just being things that could get me into major legal trouble, but attempting to control the free speech of the public thread by saying how "innapropiate!" I was being for mentioning my own trauma, that he could have easily ignored and let me talk with that one fan about the representation in peace, but choose to harass me any way to along with telling me to "drop it!" in a conversation he started and one that I was begging him to stop doing so he doesnt cause me any further repuatational harm behind my back! But of course, he decided to continue the conversation anyway and thrown on further slander, along with harassment, for two whole hours until I finally got him to stop responding once he began to play the "victim" by telling me to "leave him alone!" after having harassed me and trying to put down my free speech and pushing me down for mentioning my traumas in a public area, the disrespect towards my reputation, refusing to drop the conversation for hours, let alone change the subject or stop harassing me, and it took me blocking him myself after there was enough evidence so I could finally leave and making me continue in order to do so by having as much evidence in both the threads and here as possible to protect my reputation, along with my legal rights due to his deframing and disrespect towards both my information and his disrespectful comments towards it, along with the overall harassment from "Dirgentlemen", in Twitter, on 3/13/23.

Again- the thread is likely still there, so you can see for yourself.

I have nothing to hide, and neither should have him by trying to hide what I was actually saying by trying to weaponize my trauma against my point to make it look like I "CANT!" mention serious topics in that Twitter thread in the first place. Trying to hide behind his status to silence me away from fighting for myself, the others in the community, and our representation and our right to say anything against how he is treating us, serious or not.

The toxic "positivity needs to stop, it's hurting people, what Vivziepop has been encouraging her fans to act, Dirgentlemen and all, is hurting people and it needs to stop before this gets any worse, and as someone who once tried to commit suicide because of being attacked back when I first joined here, before anyone actually ends up being killed knowing of how many others have tried to do the same, to make sure that things dont get any more out of hand. I know that I am not perfect, and that I have done things that I regret, but that's in the past, what matters is what I do now! -and I will fight for our representation within this community until I know that things wont get worse, till I know for a fact that this cultish behavior will die down and that many more fans within this fanbase can feel safe to fight for what they beleive in again, not just this fandom, but anywhere I go as long as im here, alive!

But for that... here's the thread.

This fan then apologizing after not reading through with what I said/ only reading the "abuse" and "r^pe!" part and unlike Dirgentlemen, actually treid to understand what I was saying.

Dirgentlem's first respond, see how he is speaking to me here in comparison to the fan who actually read my post? This also being a response to my intitial comment.👆

"There will be no harassment!" That proved to be a lie, didnt it Dir?

Again- notice how like Vivziepop, that he only responded to the merch comment, aka something he could put out of context?

Regular Helluva Boss stan (I know, funny how he said he "hated" stans for bullying him for his representation as a Italian, but somehow the representation that he doesnt want to admit is being misrepresented here is something to "cry about!" 10/10 Criticism you got there... /s) levels of emotional manipulation and gaslighting.

"I have experinced trauma too." Ok, then respect other people's wishes to have their free speech and just.... block me? Like you're telling me you were going to do but didnt because your ego here matters more than how the representation effects other people here, and also, if you dont want to talk about this... block me! Dont try to silence people away from mentioning things like this in the thread at all like you somehow own the entire thread. What the hell?! If you didnt want to talk to me about this, why respond to a thread mentioning it and go on for hours about how "innapropiate!" it is to mention things like this in a thread- that's public, while trying to use me mentioning my trauma, at all, as a excuse to try to silence me away from calling you out on your behavior and disregard towards other victims on the subject matter! If you didnt want to talk about it- dont, and just leave me alone and let me leave instead of continuing with your fruitless accusations! Literally using the fact that people shame others for mentioning subjects like this, using the shame we have to deal with from the public to your advantage to hide away from your own reckless behavior!

But... to continue:

(Again, continuing to try to use my personal information to silence me away from my free speech, and also trying to use this trauma to manipulate me away from telling him the wrongs of his behavior, all the while refusing to address anything about what I as saying about how he was treating other victims in the situation! Literally weaponizing my trauma to keep himself from addressing how he was treating me, let alone even mentioning any of my other points, literal emotional manipulation and using the stigma towards mentioning our stories to your advantage, which again, hurts other victims of sexual harassment! When again- if you didnt feel comfortable with talking about it, you could have left! But didnt because the real reason why you were doing this was to deframe me with the stigma against mentioning this kind trauma publically so you could silence me away from telling you how innapropiate and disespectful your behavior was!)

"YOU THINK THIS WAS ABOUT ME!? IT WAS ABOUT THE BAD WRITING NOT MY REPRESENTATION!" Actually yes, it is, and the fact that you're Italian and the way it effected your representation.

You all dont beleive me?

It's literally right here, why even lie if what you did is public?

It seems useless, oh wait! It is useless, because it's right here!

Nice try! But not enought to cover your tracks...

But back to what I was saying...

"You made it personal." Actually no, I mentioned something about my life, once, and then you decided to have a whole conversation about how "innapropiate!" it is to mention what happened to me, forcing the conversation into being personal for your benefit.

Again, nice try, but I can see through what you're doing here, and it is nothing short of inconsiderate, deframing, and slander!

But to continue... again.

Literally- Dirgentlemen... if that's even your name! Again, you were only focused on insulting and deframing me! No criticism, even after I asked you what I did wrong- YOU made it personal, and then tried to mention your autism as guilt tripping, to manipulate me into feeling "wrong" for saying how the reason I write this way is because I have autism and have a hard time expressing how I feel with little words while saying no criticism to find a way to write in any other way!

You Dir, did not care about "feedback" here, if you did, you would have given me feedback that I asked for instead of verbally beating me to the ground over and over and OVER again to fit your own egotistical, selfish narrative to benefit yourself in the situation and only yourself. No feedback, no mentions of my other points, just weaponizing my trauma to benefit yourself and how your audience see's you. Which is why you continuined to weaponize what I went through and lied to keep your repuatation near perfect instead of admitting to how you treated me was wrong. Dirgentlemen, you my freind, are a liar, manipulator, and a egotistical bully! The very things you accused me of being, and more, for your own benefit! Because like Vivziepop, you only cherry pick and lie without any sympathy besides what will make you look good! This isnt criticism, not even constructive criticism, this is bullying! Plain and simple.

Again, mentioning that he's also autistic to guilt trip me. when I literally was only saying "Hey, im autistic and need details on social interaction sometimes, can you get me any advice?" and he just responded with "IM ALSO AUTISTIC!" as if that somehow invalidates me from talking about my experinces in public, a place he could have left and let me communicate to others in at any time! The same kind of "im autistic so it's ok for me to be as ableist and assertive towards you!" kind of mentality bootlickers in our community have. With the overall entitlemen of "Im putting you down for mentioning your trauma publically to benefit me, a someone of higher status! Im this so you also being that, as someone of lower status gives you no right to tell me of what ive done because of how "innapropiate!" you are to me for mentioning this in public! I will not be held accountable and you will leave and not tell me anything of what ive done wrong, I can leave at any time, but I dont care because what matters is to use your trauma to make you feel wrong for telling me that im deframing you and diregarding your point by refusing to mention it! Your word on your representation in the situation doesnt matter here, which is why im using you mentioning your trauma to silence you!"

It honestly feels like he was trying to make me not say anything about the show's representation so he tried to choose something to make me look bad for what I was saying, even if it was to harass me for speaking about my personal experinces in public by pretending as if he "owned" the place and made it look like I was "harassing" him by mentioning things about my life with words such as "drop it!" or "leave me alone!" in the middle of harassing me! Let's face it, Dir was only mentioning things like this to deframe me for mentioning something about the show that he didnt want to admit was there- aka, the bad representation, forcing me to continue in order to post as much evidence as possible, trying to invalidate me away from talking about my experinces to VARIOUS PEOPLE (one of which, apologized to me for doing similar to what Dir did!) ! but Dir purpoesly ignored that part.) in a PUBLIC SPACE to deframe me away from criticizing anything about the show that he wanted to deny existed with the "CRY ABOUT IT!" and "BE HURT SOMEWHERE ELSE!" comments to try to shame me away from having my own free speech and how I felt about the show because GOD FORBID /s anyone there has a different opinion than him on these things since they should "cry about it!" if they do like im a piece of garbage rather than a human being to consider. Invalidating me away from my free speech, shaming me for mentioning that "Im a sa victim and what you just said invalidated my representation and how it effects me!" (aka: the FIRST time I mentioned my personal experince, and would have been the only one if he didnt keep harassing me about it!) and overall being highly disrespectful towards both me, my representation, along with my personal information, and being highly manipulative whenever I responded to his disrespect and using my personal information as an excuse to try to silence me away from commenting on said disrespect, despite the fact that he easily could have left and choose to keep responding to me.

"You came to me."

Actually no, I didnt come to you for you to just treat me like shit and use my trauma to manipulate me into not saying how i feel about your blatant deframing of my character. I didnt come to be shit talked, I came to speak of a type of representation and how you're disregarding said representation with your clout motivated "groundbreaking!" nonsense, and to receive feedback. None of which you did, because the concept of constructive criticism didnt matter to you, it was the clout, the validation. The same way most of you Hazbin "Critics" and "Reaction videos" try to get clout off of the franchise without having any care for how bootlicking for Vivziepop will effect other people. You didnt care, which is why you kept going instead of considering how you were treating me, the representation of thousands of people, along with anyone else who has gave critique about Helluva Boss's representation!

"Is this your big moment?" God, again with the narcissim! This time with how he felt that the only reason anyone would talk to him here is for his subscriber count, feeling as if he was "higher" than me for doing so, and not the fact that he was harassing someone over a fictional character, that again- doesnt even exist!

As for the "man child" comment:

I apologized, because I wasnt here to harm, I was here to critique, not to put out my personal life for an hour and to have to fight for my rights by trying to push back his slander, but to critique! Because I- am a writer, a critic, an artist, and a human being and I will not fall just because you and any of the disgusting "fanbase" cult! Which isnt even all fans of HB in the first place! There is no "true fans of Vivziepop!" Vivziepop's "true fans" are a online cult that worship almost every move she makes and harass, abuse, and threaten any of the "non belivers" of her supposed "perfection." and accuse "jealousy" of anyone who fights back from her lack of desire for healthy positivity, research, or any change at all! that I will not let exist without accountability and neither will anyone else trying to do something about this. Vivziepop doesnt just have a fandom, but a cult that she leads with her own manipulation and deceit, and I will not stand for people continuing to get hurt within our community from these people, or anyone being discriminated or harmed for that matter. Ever!

Again, everything that involved things he couldnt twist had no reply while anything that he could use to twist my words- did! Because Dirgentlemen, I dont even want to call you a "gentlemen" or "polite" anymore after how you treated me, so "Dir", only wanted to reply for anything that he could use to manipulate people into not seeing the wrongs of his behavior. Not critique, or feedback, but bullying!

There is many more things within this thread, so this will continue within a reblog. As for the last post, ive added both the detail on how saying that someone is using "abuser language" could cause legal harm, along with the comments on how I was being "innapropiate" for telling him that I didnt want to be spoken in a demaning or disrespectful way in regards to my representation and how Helluva Boss effects said rep.

- and for that, for now, Im done!

Goodnight.

[luciusspriggss]

i never understood how people would leave those who are addicted to something. doesnt matter what the relationship is, familial, platonic, romantic, etc., i never understood how someone could "give up" on them.

i have always believed that addiction is a disease and you should help and support those suffering with it. that they have changed because of what they are addicted to, and they arent themselves anymore, so you should do everything to help them find themselves and who they want to be outside of addiction again

but i get it. my ex has changed and become someone who actively chooses to do things that hurt me, and make me feel bad when i tell them what they did hurt my feelings. even if they aren't purposely trying to be hurtful, they arent thinking about how what they say or do will effect me and have consequences

they aren't themselves. i know they are capable of kindness and being a good person and a good partner. i know that whenever they heavily drink they become someone selfish and mean drunk and sober. i know they dont see things clearly anymore.

i've witnessed it before. i chose to be with them and let them figure their shit out. and they did. they started drinking significantly less and were kind and loving to me again.

but i dont think i can do it again. especially when they have a new partner they love and talk about all the time and bring over to sleep on the mattress we bought together. especially when they wont admit that everything they have been doing since they met their new partner, are things i have been begging for them to do with me.

i cant do it anymore. it is killing me. they wont even let me grieve properly! tell me they think it is weird that i go from being okay, confident, and excited to figure myself out to "suddenly" crying in my room. i get im a loud cryer, but im not going to anyone for reassurance or telling them they made me feel that way. im just crying! by myself! my therapist is the one that told me it is completely acceptable for me to be grieving the way i am. especially because im autistic.

i cant do it. i know they arent themselves. i know alcohol turns them into something awful and i am the target for their meanness. their dad was the same way with his ex-wife. like i get it. they need help. a lot of help.

i dont even point out their alcoholism too much, i try to let them figure it out on their own again. i just cant take it anymore. i cant do this anymore. i dont want to be treated this way anymore. i dont want the love i still have for them to be poisoned by their addiction.

i am so done. they need help. i am the clear target for their hate and awfulness. my former roommate pointed out the way they have treated me for the past month and a half seems abusive. and i dont even know what to think of that.

i cant be their target anymore. they need to figure their shit out. maybe ill message one of their sisters to try to see if they can help, but i dont know if i would be overstepping for that.

i deserve to heal from everything without also having to try and be understanding that the way they are treating me is because of their addiction.

they have grabbed me (a couple times) by my arm in a very aggressive way while drunk. they tried to rape me while drunk. they have punched the wall while drunk and angry at me. they have said some truly malicious shit to me while drunk. they get angry at me because im not expressing my emotions however way they expect me to when they are drunk. they have done so much shit to me while drunk. and i forgave them, even when they would deny it ever happened

when we were still together, they would always try to have sex with me, only when they were drunk, despite the numerous times i have told them that i am not comfortable having sex with someone who is drunk when i am sober. and they know i feel this way intensely because of the "friend" i had that raped me while i was drunk.

aahhhugggggsjsjskahagskakah

i dont know what to do. i dont know how to help them anymore. i dont know how to be there for them anymore. i dont know how to support them anymore. at least i dont know how to do all of that, and protect my mental sanity at the same time.

i just want them to be themselves again. i dont want to be with them anymore. i just miss them. they dont realize im not just grieving the relationship, im grieving them and who they used to be.

[heavyskysystem]

cederic vent

"I used to think you had it all wrong, that I had to seriously teach you a lesson and change your mind. But now I profit from the ways you deem what I think is a strength as a weakness. Maybe I no longer will get to feel that raw strength I get from taking over the body and causing disaster for us. I get attacking your partner was a low moment for me. I understand that. But youre right. Real strength is in being vulnerable. I dont have to be like an abuser that doesnt understand this. And when you taught me so more.. Ill probably love myelf more. But Adam didnt need to be taught did he? He just understood. Learned without forcing you to teach.

I admire how stubborn you are. You feel so strongly about what a weakness and a strength is. In your world raw power to hurt or act out, or do smth is not what defines strength, that person may just have an unfair advantage, got lucky, was given smth they didnt even earn. I didnt do anything to be stronger than you when it comes to taking over the body to do damage. I didnt earn it. I didnt train for it. I didnt swear or bleed for it. I dont earn your respect by simply overpowering you.

I earn it by honest to god hard work. By making myself vulnerable. By ingraining all these things that seem to obvious to you but so foreign to me. We will be trapped together for life, I better learn to orient myself around you, I cannot win this anyways. Youre host. You decide where our life goes. Im just in for the ride. Or I can make it my ride too by being supportive, helping you of course also out of love, but also to feel my power and impact in a real and raw way that isnt so destructive.

It sucks how right you tend to be. I get why people want to beat the shit out of you when no matter how disadvantaged you are, you still hold them to it and tell them the truth, im sure a lot of people thought youre an idiot for that. Dont tell that to the person having the power to beat you up, to best you, to beat you into submission. I did that. I beat ourselves and I beat you into crying and whimpering and begging, yet you stood up again and continued to stand up to me. I had you I think lower than any external abuser ever had you. And youre right, I didnt do anything for that, I just took advantage of a lucky coincidence that I was given this ability to overpower you physically.

Adam never hurt you like I have. Adam even on his worst held back. Held a lot of his agression back. He still was bad, and you see it as such and hold him proportionally responsible. He learned his lesson.

I do think youre stronger than me just for surviving me, us, for so long. You survived long enough to see it get better. Not everyone couldve done it. You were teethering on the edge quite a lot. And often overpowering you and proving how much stronger than you I am mattered more to me than even our survival, that pissed you of. My stupidity. But it only made me feel stronger.

I feel sick at all of it though. I was as dumb and ugly as you told me. I deserved every insult. Its never to late to stand up to someone no matter how much weaker you realistically are, I will admit that made a strong impact on me too and just your kindness and love couldnt have fixed me. It also was how you stood up to me. Again and again. That stubbornness people find so provocative. Doesnt know when to shut up, is asking for it, is asking for hurt, shouldnt open her mouth if shes not the stronger on etc.

But hey you won that way. Atleast with me. Never change that.

Part of me feels like you did beat me into submission without ever harming our body. Just with how unwilling to back down you were. But a much healthier part of me feels.. guilt-ridden, disgusted with myself that I felt you were picking a fight with me. Might doesnt make right. And I dont want to be similar to our abuser, cause how you keep telling me, maybe dont listen to advice over what defines strength from a child rapist, those usually arent very strong. And youre right. pissed me of. but you were right. I was wrong. Ill always be wrong. And im glad to be wrong.

Never thought id say that. You did well. Very well. Surviving this. Outliving this. Maneuvering this. I know im the reason you lost your partner, I know what we did to you had real life consequences on you, it wasnt just internal turmoil, a noise to block out. We did real raw damage, blindly, copying an abuser or trying to punish you for faults we found in you.

But you won. This is your life. I love that it is. I love being part of it. I love being allowed to be inside our head. I love being part of you. Im happy you exist, I happy its you im stuck with and no one else. I love you more than anything.

And my love is becoming more what you deem actual love, unblemished by me needing another hit of feeling power. Im becoming so calm now, so peaceful so at ease. You are wiser than me. More intelligent. Look far beyond what im capable to see inside my little cycle of doom. I am glad to have you.

All your faults, all these things you deem as weaknesses just look kind of adorable and sweet to me, like something youll def figure out. Im still glad to be part of you. To be yours, in a way. And for you to be mine. Afterall we share the same body, the same life.

And if one day I go doormant, I know you love me enough to wish me back. And Adam can hate that as much as he wants, but I know if I cease to feel myself existing for a while, ill do it so loved. You think that doesnt mean anything to me? But it does. I know someone will think of me. Someone will love me, even when im helpless and have no voice of my own.

Youll never have to fear going doormant like me, so you dont understand that fear.

But id like to think ill feel you thinking of me, loving me, caring for me. And ill be tended to in my little black hole. Or maybe ill be in a garden if you do make the inner world happen.

I wish I could give you something more to signify that I think you actually did win against me. Youd deserve a medal for surviving that.

I feel so naked admitting to that though. But youve earned it. And one day.. ill be what I considered to be a weaker version of me and ill be happier, much happier, wholer. glad. content even. at ease. at peace with myself. Ill never feel like an abuser again. never hate myself again. never feel that ugly again.

all because you even when you had me silent, somehow couldnt give me up. Ill never be forgotten, even when I lay doormant, I will be remembered as someone worthwhile. I will have my life secured. Cause in the end whether I wake up again or not will much be dictated by you and what you think of, depending on.

I might not be a full person like you, but I am a person and I care about surviving inside you. Maybe one day I wont piss myself at the idea of fusing anymore either. Maybe ill be a full person one day like that. If youd have me.

But for now ill learn to support you better. love you better. be better. be loveable. maybe one day I will truly love myself. and then youll even be proud of me for doing so.

[sleeqwalkinq]

vent . tw || — bpd . manipulation . self harm .

all i ever do is hurt him. genuinely. all. of. the. time. and i cant stand myself for it. i do it subconsciously. i want to be able to stop but it is so hard. i know im manipulating him but i cannot stop no matter how hard i try. i dont know why he puts up with me. before , like a yr into our relationship i was fine and we were happy and i kept all of my bpd fits to myself. now that were almost 4yrs in, i take it out on him because im more comfortable. being more comfortable with someone does NOT warrant you abusing them daily. it hurts to see and hear him hurting because of me. but i cannot stop. it ruins me day by day because i either am getting so mad at him over random things that have no value to warrant my anger or im just straight up telling him he doesnt love me anymore because he didnt answer my text fast enough. he tells me it hurts him constantly and i always say i understand and wont do it again but i always do it again without fail. he told me that when i tell him he deserves someone better it hurts him because it feels like i dont wanna be in a relationship with him anymore and i kept doing it until he basically told me he was gonna break up with me if i kept doing it!!!!!!!

i want to be good for him, i really do. i know he loves me dearly and wants to be with me forever, yet i constantly need reassurance from him.

at one point this year it got so bad whenever he was with me and he made me slightly upset i would lock the door to the room i was in and start cutting myself as he banged on the door to beg me to stop. this is a really awful thing for me to admit to. at the time i didnt do it for manipulation i do want to clarify. i was in an awful mental state and had nothing else to turn to when things went wrong. i see now that this is SUPER manipulative and i should have NEVER done it no matter how much i was hurting and unable to cope. the guilt that follows me for this haunts me everyday and i constantly want to apologize for this but im not sure how. ill tell him someday.

i really want to reach out for help for my problems because i am pretty sure the only way ill get better is with therapy, but ive been putting off finding a nee therapist. my mother doesnt know about any of these things, and is sending me to therapy about my fathers passing, but i want to also have it as an outlet to treat or lessen my abusive behavior. i want to get better . i need to get better. it destroys me everyday knowing all i ever do is abuse the ones i love. i truly do not want to atall. it tears me apart. living with this mental illness is ripping me apart.

also another thing that i just wanna add— I AM NOT HOPPING ON THE BPD BANDWAGON. i understand that its considered a “trendy” mental illness but i would like to clarify i am no where near that. infact- i have been researching and questioning about bpd for YEARS. wayyy before it became a “trend” to have it. if i could choose a reality where i was normal- i would. this illness is destroying my relationships and my mental wellbeing. anyone who self diagnoses from tiktok who has not done proper research is fucking stupid. why would you want to live with an illness that does irreparable damage to you and all of your relationships? who would want to constantly unwillingly abuse their parter, friends, siblings… etc. who would want to deal with hallucinations? who in their right mind would want to unwillingly get so physically and mentally attached to someone that if you dont speak to them for more than a few days you start to genuinely lose your mind and question if they still really want to be with you? who would want any of this? i dont think they understand how horrible this illness is to live with and it pisses me off.

anyways yeah. downloaded tumblr for this because i wanted to get shit off my chest . i hope i can also use this account in the future to listen to my silly alex g as i type about my issues. its 1:57 am — goodnight all.

[draftsthatideletelater]

I honestly can‘t anymore (rant)

its 11:34 pm. i tried to sleep one and a half hour ago, but i couldn’t. something has been bothering me for a while now....

actually its for more than just a while... since after all this covid lockdown thing i became more introverted than i ever have been... more than being an introvert, i became extremely shy, and to be honest, stupid. i find myself in atleast one awkward/ weird situation per week, and i hate myself for it.

i was a lot different before lockdown. i was quite active in my class, and i was one of the top students. and now, 3 years later.... past me would be so ashamed to see the present me. past me would be embarrassed to see the present me begging to god not to let myself fail the math test again. past me would be horrified to see my extremely, terribly low self esteem and social anxiety. past me would not be happy to learn that even after a whole academic year some of my teachers still do not know my name.

i remember going to my father’s home when i was 5 and while traveling, i looked at the road and the never ending white stripes on it, and for some reason a weird thought popped to my mind : is everything real? am i real? is this actually happening? am i really going to visit my grandparents?

another vivid memory of myself when i was 5 was that of myself picking on my lips so much that it started bleeding. when my parents asked how it happened i lied and told them i dont know how. they assumed it was because of the extremely hot climate. they applied oil on my lips to moisturize and heal, and forbid me from eating spicy food as it would cause pain on the injury.

in my school, we only have science and commerce for higher secondary courses. i want to be an arts student. there were only one girl othe than me who wanted to be an arts student. our principal, during a meeting decided to ask us why we decided to pick arts. while the other girl explained beautifully why she picked arts, i sat there dumbfounded thinking for the first time, why did i pick arts? the only reason i could give myself was that i hated science and math. but thats honestly not a valid reason. so itold her i wish to become a museologist. my beloved principal didnt even know what that was. later my teacher told me she assumed museology had to do something with music, and she wondered why i picked humanities just to learn music. she praised the other girl for her wonderful ambitions.

i felt so left out and my self esteem went deep underground when i picked up the mic to speak in front of 120 students and at least 10 teachers and 1 principal that i want to become a fricking museologist. thats not even true. i dont have any ambition. the future to me is very scary and im genuinely afraid that i will become a failure in my life. i remember my class teacher chuckling to herself while she retrieved the mic from me. my brain has convinced me that she was laughing at all of my wrong life decisions.

im convinced that everyone hates me. i can blame them though. im such a weird, awkward and cringe person. its very easy for me to make you dislike me. all my classmates hate me and my teachers hate me too, because im weird and i never study well.

if anyone is reading this, which no one is, but for some reason i hope someone reads this and somehow understands me but that doesnt matter, anyways, i if anyone is reading this, you might have wondered why i mentioned about my lip skin picking and derealisation, i will get to the explanation soon, but another thing i noticed in myself was my carelessness. especially when doing math.but it increased in a huge amount during the online classes. i also tend to forget a lot, zone out a little during class(sometims only) daydream way too much, have intrusive thoughts quite often, started to become self conscious and become extremely lazy.

why i talked about all the random stuff i do/ have is because i believe i have ADHD. i just think so. but i should never diognose myself. so what did i do? i told my dad about it, only to get scolded by him and mom. they told me i have a lot of potential. i should stop being lazy and be more focused. its easy right? no its not. cuz i find it difficult to focus.

its 12 40 am right now and im slowly getting sleepy now. ill most probably delete this tomorrow and also regret posting this. but it doesnt matter anymore.

[azusaru]

im so tired of acting like im happy at school. at school, im a completely different person. i try to act compassionate and kind so my classmates will like me (even though i hate them) because i need attention so desperately. i get so hurt and insulted by their "jokes", they think its okay to harass and ridicule me all because im the "smartest" and "nice". aaaaaall my classmates act like im their friend but we're not fucking friends!! EVERYONE LEAVES ME AT LUNCH and all my classmates see, and thats when their true colors come out. they really dont give a fuck about me. i sit by myself after everyone at my table left, and its so embarrassing and humiliating, because the table i sit at is right in the middle of all the popular kids, so they were always looking at me, they probably saw me as a pathetic loser who had no friends. And to be honest, thats exactpy what i am. i could never even move to sit with the people i wanted to sit with!!! I CANT TALK AND I CANT COMMUNICATE PROPERLY. ALL I COULD DO WAS INSULT THEM AND ACT LIKE I DIDNT CARE BUT I CARED SOOOO SO MUCH!!! I did that to cohen even though i wanted to be closer with him so badly but i just pushed him away and was a jerk to him, and now he doesnt eat lunch with me anymore, now I dont even have a single class with him anymore. it honestly might be my fault for the most part, everyone doesnt wanna be my friend because i act like a sassy little bitch to everyone when they dont give me the attention i want! Yes maybe im mad about how my classmates use me and trample over me, and how they make fun of me for being upset about my grades!!! they make fun of me for wanting to get high grades yet they still beg me for my help!! Theyre so fucking hypocritical and i hate them so goddamn much!! how am i supposed to trust anyone?? they already had their little cliques and groups a long time before i came to this school, cuz i cant even fit in anywhere even if everyone is "nice" to me!!! even if i can talk to many people in several different friend groups it doesnt even matter because i dont have a friend group where i fit in. theyre such users, theyre so fake!!! they put on their cute uwu "cwan yuu hewlp me??" masks to fucking GUILT TRIP me because they take advantage of the fact that i feel like shit if i cant help people, because THATS MY ONLY SOURCE OF VALIDATION. they use it against me!!!! only want me when they need my help with their academics. they only want me when they need answers. they only want me when the hw is too hard for them. they only want me when they dont understand the material. they dont want me. so stop saying youre my friend, stop using me to boost your fucking ego. fuck this, fuck you, fuck everything, fuck everyone.