#i am making an effort to change my mindset about failure

[thistransient]

While I was away, my friend who's down south for a month left his fan for me to borrow. Previously I had either been using my aircon extremely sparingly (only when over 30C at night) or laying on the floor sweating like god intended. The fan's arrival, however, immediately initiated an unprecedented new era of slothfulness. Where at least before there was some motive to go in search of cooler climes (the library, the park at night), now it was entirely realistic to hang out at home, sprawled in front of the device forever. The evils of technology made manifest!

Or so I thought. After a week of this, my paranoia over the one (1) query from the immigration officer was festering, and I was growing cognisant of the fact that I didn't actually want to live out my days in a tiny dark apartment, prostrated at the altar of the artificial breeze. (Or it could also be that I simply don't want to spend the rest of my life in a subtropical heat wave...) I was getting real moody about my prospects, or lack thereof. Today I decided to finally have a go at actually finishing the preliminary test for an editing company whose listing I've come across a couple times (and usually quit halfway through because imagining reading this sort of stuff for 8 hours a day seemed guaranteed to drive me batty). But recently my bff who used to have me proofread his undergrad papers started using ChatGPT to write them, leaving me bereft of grammatical errors to savage (and also the dinners he would trade for my diligent efforts).

So I almost immediately received an email prompting me to move to the next stage, HOWEVER for visa sponsorship apparently the gov't requires either a graduate degree OR a bachelors + 2 years of relevant work experience. No teaching. If blogging and editing for friends counted as experience, I would be golden. Or rather, if I could establish a paper trail for said experience...

[thejockout]

A Word On Dumbing Down

In some conversations with my bros @avissapiens and @master-villain the other day, I finally managed to put a specific idea into words that had been crystallising for a long time. Nothing earth-shattering or even transformative, because I'd been exploring this same understanding with different wording for quite a while now, but it felt significant to me and sparked me to make this post.

The realisation was simple: Dumbing Down is not something you can "Do" as a standalone action. It's perhaps more accurate to say Dumbing Down is itself the perspective shift and realisation that "Smart" is something you can choose to "Not Do."

Clunky wording, I know, but pretend it's smooth for me.

(And as a necessary fyi, this post assumes familiarity with Dumbing Down as a hypnotic concept, which is nowadays most often written and spoken about as a general simplification of thought and cognition versus turning you into some drooling doofus. Maybe the latter is your thing, maybe it isn't - either way, I'm talking here about the more "realistic"/AKA sustainable model where the word dumb is synonymous with "so laid back, you don't want to think or care if people perceive you as dumb because of it".)

Too many subjects (myself included) work at hypnotic personality and cognition changes with a straining effort, in an energetically desperate approach. This is understandable - we tend to push hard for things we really want - and anyone can fall victim to it. It's very similar contextually to the trap many anxiety sufferers fall into when they begin therapy. In an earnest attempt to recover, many sufferers approach recovery with the exact same mindset they do life; that of a "fixer", a "do-er", someone who problem-solves and overthinks themselves into knots and runs loops around the same well-worn mental tracks over and over again to the point of exhaustion.

Don't worry, I'm not here to give some big-brain solution to mental health issues. I suffer myself and am on my own journey of recovery, so I'm in no place to play armchair psychologist. But I will speak about this topic as it relates to hypnosis and dumbing down because the overlap of people who are into Dumbing Down/IQ Reduction/Simplification/Bimbofication/Himbofication hypnosis and who suffer with anxiety (and overthinking) is quite high, so chances are that many who struggle with Dumbing Down suggestions are making the same mistakes. Please see my peer-reviewed Paint Diagram below which provides unequivocal, non-anecdotal proof of this.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with this overlap. Kink is an outlet for many people to deal with emotional issues, and often a very helpful coping mechanism. Dumbing Down is no different conceptually. But I'm talking about this because, just like approaching anti-anxiety work with an anxious energy and effort is doomed to failure, the exact same is true for Dumbing Down. Approaching it with an Intellectualist mindset OR in other words, the anxious energy of a fix-er and do-er and try-er is antithetical to the very state you wish to experience.

Does that make sense?

Successful Dumbing Down (beyond the very enjoyable, shorter-term effects of deep trance which feel like intoxication) is effectively the act of stepping back from mental action/the habit of overthinking. To give another clumsy metaphor, if your default mind works like a toy train constantly running around its track, sometimes gaining speed and sometimes slowing down... Dumbing Down comes from realising "hey, I can actually plug this thing out." No, it's not as simple as turning off an appliance, and it takes time for everyone. Overthought (in all its forms, whether anxious or just from over-intellectualising your life) is effectively a habit, and habits take time to make or break.

Therefore, Perspective Shift #1 that you need to make: recognise that thinking patterns and their frequency are ultimately behavioural and habitual, and can therefore be rewired and lessened with time and specific action. It's not an immediate thing - but it is possible, and this is effectively what dumbing in hypnosis is about.

That perspective raises some questions, I know. But I don't want to write about the answers just yet. Reread and consider that last paragraph a few times to make sure you've really processed it. Think about the questions it leaves you with, and come up with a few answers of your own if you can. You can post your thoughts in the comments or reblogs of this post, as I will be taking the time to read through them, and I'll continue this topic in future as I think more on it myself.

Later.

[singularity-and-co]

(Narcissa @ Arceus) Forgive me if this is a bit forward, but ive noticed something of a repeating pattern about the issies plaguing your universe. It seems like you've conditioned the gods of your world not to care about what happens to those in it. You say you have trouble controlling a single mew, ypuve out unrealistic expectations on your children with harsh punishments.

It feels like you rule through fear and threat of deletion and not respect and as a result all your problems stem from creatures who through your actions know you dont value them or their lives and it seems they have the mentality to care as little for the failure of your world when you care so little for them.

Or at least thats what ive seen. I mean with the amount of time you said you erased and restarted...it looks like you cemented the idea that it doesnt matter what they do good or bad, if you arent hapy you'll just replace them with a new one. Thats a disastrous mindset to have. Your doomed for the cycle to repeat cause the only thing you havent changed with each restart...is yourself.

*A quick, stern look lets the Palkia know he’s not welcome to listen in on this conversation. With a quick, “Sorry,” he heads off. Galaxis never wants to deal with his father when he’s in a state like this.*

Arceus: I am trying. I have been trying for years and years. You think I want to be rid of my children with each reset? Of course I don’t! It’s so difficult with each reset! But I cannot keep a failure of a universe going. This is necessary for me to do. Yes, I know it’s awful for me to have to erase my children and raise them all over again. I know. But it’s what I need to do. I don’t care if you are from a universe where things have been successful. You have had no idea what I have had to go through to even get this universe into a state in which I haven’t had to reset it yet! Of course I care about my children! How dare you consider the notion that I don’t!

*Arceus could feel the anger bubbling and boiling inside of him. He regretted even letting a single Pokémon speak to him. If this was the level of respect he was getting from Pokémon who barely knew him, he wanted nothing to do with them. With deep, heavy breaths, he stared down at the Lunala.*

Arceus: You think I want to punish my children? To threaten them? Of course I don’t. I have only done so a couple of times. Do you want to know why? Because Singularity decided to enter the mortal realm and almost wipe out every single mortal. It’s so hard seeing your child, someone who you created, destroy the very world that you spent time and effort making. I cannot have my children, who wield powers beyond mortal comprehension, to roam around doing whatever they desire. Their actions have consequences. I tried the softer approach a long time ago and it did not work. I could not control the three of them. So now I’ve had to turn to my harsher methods. If you think coming to me with those comments will somehow change my “disastrous mindset” as you so claim, perhaps you should consider how you approach other Pokémon.

Arceus: Leave me be. I don’t want to ever see you in this realm again.

[femmefatalevibe]

I fucked up my life. Had the opportunity to study yet I didn’t and now I’m working a dead end job otherwise I’ll be homeless while trying to study again. I’m so tired of myself, of my life. Want to do more and be more, and use my femme fatale ways but I am so tired all the time.

Hi love! Regret and ruminating on the past is such an emotionally-draining headspace to live in, so validating how you feel right now <3 

I think a two-part answer to this inquiry would be the most helpful. Here’s my take: 

Try out this mindset reframe: Instead of thinking about this lost opportunity as a finite failure, consider this current life season as a reset button/starting point on a new journey. While it’s important to keep a steady income at times you need it for essentials/financial security, make the prospect of creating your dream life into your creative outlet. This can be done through journaling, shadow work exercises, mood board creation, self-care activities, etc. 

First and foremost, don’t beat yourself up about feeling tired. This rumination will only make you feel more emotionally-drained because you’re using even more energy when amplifying this negative emotion. Think of motivation as a mental muscle. You need to train it for it to get stronger. Endurance and lifting heavy (responsibilities, workload, task complexities, emotional weight, etc.) takes practice and repetition. You’ll need to engage in mental progressive overload to strengthen this motivation to work up the energy and necessary, sustained focus to take on more tasks like studying or pursuing other activities/interests. 

Try to do something for 5 minutes daily for a week or make one minor change to your routine that brings you closer to your goals (e.g. reading a book, writing affirmations, swapping out one unhealthy meal for a more nutritious alternative, walking around the block, remaining confident in one interaction, etc.). Then, increase this exercise to 10 minutes daily the next week, 15-minutes, during the following week, and so on. As time goes on, your mental muscle will strengthen and momentum will take over as you see positive results from your initial focused actions. A positive return on your efforts will compound your energy and motivation to move forward, so you enter the right headspace and have supportive habits in place to help you reach your goals. 

Hope this helps xx 

[tarot-by-e11e]

hi elle, my initials are K.R and these are the emojis 😭❤️🥲💟🤍

im learning to love my voice more, my empathy and my creativity. ive always felt insecure about my voice and also felt blocked creatively due to being insecure about myself particularly how good i am. so im going to posy social media content publicly without being harsh and criticising myself and holding myself back from posting, from fear of failure. as for my empathy, ive felt that i often extend it to people who have wronged me. i also feel that my empathy can often be people-pleasing. so i am working on boundaries and standing up for myself, it's difficult.

hm... this is me trying by taylor swift? or any taylor swift song in general, since im not really a taylor swift fan

my biggest goal is to start posting on my youtube channel! that's my biggest goal :)

thank you for the ask game, i really appreciate it 🤍 i participated in a previous ask game and found it so helpful and accurate

Hi KR,

Thank you so much for participating in my new ask game.

It’s so nice to hear that you are putting in the work to achieve your goals~ Remember, baby steps, okay?

Don’t push yourself too hard and learn to accept that rest is productive. It’s okay to like just one song of an artist. You’re not required to like the whole album to appreciate a song.

Also, I hope you start posting on YouTube soon!! Good luck!!

These are the cards I pulled out for you: Knight of Swords, Judgement, 2 of Cups

With the first card, in order to achieve the goals that you want, you need to be assertive and focused on your game plan. Like in your YouTube channel, you need to make sure the video and sound quality are clear and appealing to the audience. You’ll need to learn about different things in cinematography and choosing the right background music. Also, researching and trying out different b rolls and making sure your equipment works properly, etc. So with the first card, you can’t be idle with your goals. You need to charge forward, do your research, and improve all the way. I’m not asking you to be a perfectionist, this card is just simply asking you to show up for yourself for your dreams to come true.

The next card calls you to keep track of your progress and always reevaluate which approach or strategy works well for you and which one needs to be improved or changed completely. To achieve the things that you want, you need to have a beginner mindset that's eager to explore and improve. It's best if you keep a notebook or journal to keep track of your efforts and be accountable with your actions. Always remember that, if you put 1% effort everyday, that's equivalent to 37% of progress in a whole year later.

Finally the last card you calls for you to be open for collaborations and create meaningful connections. Creating a channel means you'll need to learn your own way of building an online community and learn how to best create content in your own unique way. With this one, you're encourage to learn and partner with established creators and learn what they are willing to teach you. Be open to work with people for the sake of experience. Going about your channel on your own feels like a such a heavy burden on you. So, if you can establish your own team to help you with your channel, that's even better.

This is as far as I could interpret for your reading. Thank you so much for being my participant!

Feel free to tip me in my Buy me a Coffee account (to show support) ahehe [Not required, but most grateful if you did]~ (This reading is for entertainment purposes only)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #255

I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me today. Despite having an objectively awesome day today, I seem to have found myself in some kind of funk. I feel generally awful and overwhelmed with worry about a variety of things, most of which I can't talk about with anyone, anywhere, for fear of sounding insane. I haven't had any drive to create anything at all for a number of weeks, too, and it's scaring me.

…Well, that's all right. The only thing for it is to carry it, and the only way out is through. I've got a few more years to wait before I'll be able to see if anything has changed. The passage of time feels unforgivingly slow, and in a few more months, there's not gonna be enough sunlight for me to feel good until next March rolls around. But that's okay. Worse things have happened. It feels heavy now, but it won't feel like this forever.

So I'll just talk about the various things I did today.

The tooth extraction that I was supposed to get next Tuesday has been cancelled because I guess no oral surgeons are going to be in on that day. It has been rescheduled to the first of October, which I guess is cool and all, but… I guess I really kinda wanted to just get it done and over with.

I went with a friend - her name is Bv - to an Italian sandwich place. We were supposed to go to the tea shop next door, but they're closed for the next number of weeks for some reason. But this new place we tried was pretty cool, too. They had flowers in places:

...I thought you might like them.

Here's what I ended up getting:

It's some kind of sandwich with mozzarella, roasted red peppers, and prosciutto. And I guess a salad came with it.

Bv and I talked a long time, and it was really difficult because she wanted to eat outside, and the sound of the cars rushing by made it hard to hear her, and... she's a much older lady, probably somewhere between 60 and 70 years old. If my Auditory Processing Disorder gets in the way of me understanding her, the most likely scenario is that she's going to assume that I'm either being deliberately disrespectful or that I am not paying enough attention. So I focused really hard, and it was really difficult, but I think I managed for the most part.

Bv has a friend with trauma, but this friend of hers isn't exactly handling it well. I guess Bv is going to try to put her friend in touch with me to see if I can help somehow. If I'm contacted, surely I'm gonna try. But... I'm half expecting that it's not going to work out. In order for any of what I can say to this person to be useful to them at all, they'd first need a relatively flexible mind and a willingness to try new things. In my limited experience, it's difficult for most people to maintain those kinds of traits. From what I've seen, people generally want quick fixes for their problems that make everything better in a jiffy. People wanna get better, but without actually changing anything about themselves, their environment, or the mindset they carry.

Put in Dead Cells terms, most people wanna just be able to play on 5 Boss Cells and not get hit, but without needing to put in the practice to get there. And I get why - it's not because people are bad or lazy or whatever; no that's not it at all. Rather, they're just too tired to be able to sustain effort that isn't going to produce instantaneous results. It's not a moral failure as much as it is reflective of a profound state of total exhaustion on their part.

I get into states like that, too. It's because I'm human. I am by absolutely no means perfect.

...Regardless, I have to try. If there's even the smallest chance I might be able to help, I gotta.

After I got home, J was at a flying lesson. So I played Dead Cells. But I was feeling tired and weird, so I didn't do very well. I never made it past the Prison Depths. I kept getting easily frustrated with myself, so I figured the thing to do is stop. So that's what I did.

And now I'm here, writing to you. But I think I'm gonna call it here, because I've got work tomorrow and I have to rest, and if I keep going, I'm going to ramble.

Sephiroth... don't die out there, okay? Don't do anything that will lead to whatever you're made of disappearing. Please.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[cookinguptales]

Leap day readings?? I would love one! I’ve been struggling with my job lately and am interested to see if the cards have any insight. Could we use the 5cent deck? As for the song, Saturn by SZA has been on repeat for me!

I'll do my best!

Saturn (SZA)

(Eight of Pentacles, The Chariot, Death)

This spread seems fairly positive about your outlooks here -- but nothing comes without effort.

The Eight of Pentacles is a card about improving your skills. It calls for you to be diligent about practice, research, and study. If there's a specific skill at work that you feel you need to work on, this is telling you to really apply yourself to doing so. If you're already good at what you do, it's telling you to maybe push a bit further and see about widening/deepening the scope of things. Learn adjacent tasks, or more advanced ones, that relate to your current role. Most of all, don't be afraid to ask for help or do outside research to become better at what you want to do.

The Chariot really just feels like more encouragement along this path. The Chariot is about applying yourself to your goals and going all in. Push forward with both willpower and determination and don't accept failure as an option. (Which isn't to say it can't happen; just don't go into things with the mindset that it will!) If you're struggling with a particular skill right now that you're trying to sharpen, like the Eight of Pentacles implies, then this card is telling you not to lose heart and really be diligent about practicing and getting this thing done.

Finally, Death. We've talked about it before tonight, but yeah. Change is coming. This version of the card specifically discusses transition, too. This makes me think that you are either currently undergoing changes at work, will be soon, or maybe need to be. That would explain why you need to practice at skills you might not have full mastery over, or take on new skills related to ones you already have. This is telling you that, though, change might be coming at work, though you might find yourself in a transitory state, that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you work hard at self-improvement and prove adaptable to the changes in your workflow, things will turn out okay eventually.

[butternutrisotto]

16/30

Today’s sharing is something I’m currently waiting to share about. A thing that I’ve never been talking to anyone or in this post cause it’s too personal to think of it. But I will surely make sure of myself that this is something that I personally want to share. This side of me that no one knows actually.

“You are allowed to change one thing in your life. What will it be?”

If I were allowed to change one thing in my life, it would be my relationship with myself. I want to be more content and self-assured, without the need to constantly seek validation or live up to others' expectations, including those of my parents. It’s important for me to break free from the tendency to be a people pleaser. I want to develop a stronger sense of self that isn’t swayed by external pressures or the desire to make everyone around me happy. My aim is to nurture my own happiness and well-being above all else.

I aspire to be mentally and physically stronger, both inside and out. This isn’t just about building physical strength but also fortifying my mental resilience. I want to cultivate a mindset that is immune to the bare minimum that others might bring into my life. I believe that because I put so much effort and passion into everything I do, I deserve that same level of dedication and energy in return from the people around me. This means setting higher standards and not settling for anything less than what aligns with my values and effort.

One significant change I want to make is to become more independently mature, especially when facing manipulative, victim-blaming, or toxic people. I’m determined to no longer waste my energy on negativity or drama. Instead, I want to prioritize my peace, choosing it above all else. I recognize the importance of not giving my attention to those who thrive on creating conflict or bringing others down. My goal is to navigate these situations with grace and assertiveness, allowing me to distance myself from toxic influences while maintaining my sense of peace and self-respect.

In essence, I want to embrace a life where I am my own priority, standing firm in my values and choices. This transformation is about empowering myself to lead a life that is true to who I am, without the need for external validation or approval. It’s about cultivating inner strength, setting boundaries, and choosing a path that is filled with peace, self-love, and fulfillment.

Another important aspect I want to change is my ability to be present and find joy in the small, everyday moments. Often, the pressures of meeting expectations and the chaos of dealing with difficult people can make life feel overwhelming. I want to shift my focus from the noise of others' opinions to the simple, beautiful things that often go unnoticed. By practicing mindfulness and gratitude, I hope to cultivate a deeper appreciation for the present moment, and in turn, create a more positive and fulfilling outlook on life. This will also allow me to be more connected to my own needs and emotions, rather than getting lost in the demands of those around me.

I also want to change how I react to challenges and setbacks. Instead of letting obstacles bring me down, I aspire to view them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement. I recognize that challenges are an inevitable part of life, and my goal is to develop a mindset that sees these moments not as failures, but as valuable lessons. By adopting a more resilient and optimistic approach, I believe I can navigate life's ups and downs with greater ease and confidence. This shift in perspective will help me to stay focused on my goals, even when things don't go as planned, and keep moving forward with a positive attitude.

Additionally, I am working on setting healthier boundaries to protect my time and energy. In the past, I have often put others' needs above my own, which has left me feeling drained and unfulfilled. I am learning that it's okay to say no, and that prioritizing myself is not selfish, but necessary for my well-being. By setting boundaries, I can create space for the things that truly matter to me, such as my personal growth, my passions, and the relationships that genuinely uplift and support me. This change is about taking control of my life and ensuring that my energy is invested in what brings me happiness and peace.

Lastly, I want to fully embrace the person I am becoming—a strong, independent individual who is not afraid to stand alone if it means protecting my peace and integrity. This journey is about breaking free from the need to conform or please others and instead, living authentically and unapologetically. I want to surround myself with people who respect and celebrate the real me, and who encourage me to continue growing into the best version of myself. It's about building a life that reflects my true self, filled with genuine connections, purposeful actions, and a deep sense of inner contentment.

Ultimately, the change I seek is not just about altering one aspect of my life, but about transforming how I view and treat myself. It’s about becoming the person who confidently chooses their own path, embraces their worth, and lives in alignment with their deepest values and desires. This journey is a continuous process of self-discovery and growth, and I am committed to pursuing it with courage, determination, and a heart full of hope.

[cindyclaireb]

My Innovation Mindset: How Much Is It?

"Hold the vision. Trust the process."

Introduction to BII 🌟

The Sutardja Center for Entrepreneurship & Technology (SCET) at UC Berkeley is home to the Berkeley Innovation Index (BII). The BII was created by experts in the field to provide straightforward yet effective methods to measure a person's degree of innovative mindset level, as determined by characteristics associated with their capacity for innovation.

My Personal Innovation Mindset Level💫

As someone who occasionally takes a lot of personality tests for fun in my free time, I am not really familiar with the BII test. But I do think it’s a unique yet useful idea to have a tool that assesses one’s innovative mindset level for personal growth and career advancement. I got a 62.04 out of 100, which is low but it is accurate in a way. I do have room for improvement, since my innovation mindset is not fixed according to the website.

Trust (49.33%)

According to the website, trust is necessary to increase the speed of communication and feedback for new ideas. And yes, I do agree with that. I think that trust in yourself and in your colleagues are deeply important to make sure things run smoothly and so that the business lasts. The percentage that I got in this area was lower than I expected, but that’s also because of the questions that I got to calculate this trait. In my opinion, the questions were really vague, such as ‘most people can be trusted’ and ‘I trust other people’. But I understand that it is done on purpose and that I should answer it in a general sense, but the amount of trust that I would have for someone entirely depends on the person and the situation at hand.

Resilience (67.5%)

Resilience is important to persevere over failures. Resilient people view setbacks as learning opportunities instead of personal failures. I do believe that resilience is such a strong trait to have because having that strong mindset of getting back up and trying again instead of giving up will eventually pay off for you. Even if you fail and unexpectedly change course, as long as you never stop chasing your goals, you will find success. This is a trait that I really want to build for myself for those reasons, as I used to (and still do) get frustrated and give up sometimes when things don’t go the way I wanted them to.

Diversity (50.0%)

Diversity of backgrounds and perspectives is an important source of value.  To attain this value, a person needs to be able to lower their social barriers to exchange information with people with different backgrounds. I personally think that my score on this area was lower than I thought, since I do like to keep an open mind and welcome any and all perspectives. But since I tend to keep to myself and shy away from people I don’t know that well, that might have influenced my score. But because of this test, I will now keep this in mind, since hearing about people different from you is just as important as people you are similar to.

Belief (76.0%)

Belief in one's own ideas and abilities is necessary to influence others and find motivation to overcome obstacles. This is incredibly important if one wants to have an innovative mindset because goals do not become a reality unless you believe that you can reach it. Even if no one else feels that about you, believing in yourself is still a powerful motivator. Honestly, my score is higher than I expected since it does take me a while to find that strength to overcome tough challenges. But when I take the time to look back at what I managed to achieve and if I focus on my end goal, then I do start to believe in myself.

Allocation (75.0%)

Allocation is your ability to know when to focus on perfection and when to allow certain tasks to be adequate or good enough in order to have an optimal balance of resources. I do believe that I have a good understanding on what to focus my energy on. After careful consideration, I know when to put a lot of effort into something and when to finish something quickly in order to do another task or do things that I wanted to do. Yes, I do get careless and waste time, but I always get to learn from that and carry on.

Collaboration (77.5%)

Collaboration allows innovation to increase the sharing of information and in managing unproductive conflict. Even though I usually prefer to work alone, I recognize how important and fun collaborating is with the right people. Especially when you start and run a business, it is valuable to have harmony within your team, to have different strengths and perspectives, and to have an effective leader to manage everyone. 

Comfort Zone (55.0%)

Having a wide comfort zone is correlated with a growth mindset, and is necessary for a person to grow, adapt, and innovate. Every person starts with a smaller comfort zone that is familiar to them, like family, home, and close friends. We initially stick to what we know and what feels safe. But as we grow and take on more opportunities, we step out of our comfort zone and it widens when new things become more familiar to us. I personally have a habit of having an instinct to stick to only what I know and what I consider safe. But day by day, I try to become more uncomfortable and try things that are scary to me because the hardship of trying something new does outweigh the feeling of being stuck to what you know.

Innovation Zone (46.0%)

An Innovation Zone is an interest level and motivation for innovation and entrepreneurship. My score is relatively low here because I don’t really see myself as being an innovator or entrepreneur yet. For now, I see myself finding fulfillment in learning things that I wanted to be good at,  working in a team, or even finding a stable job someday. But I do believe having that knowledge surrounding that is important to learn because that is valuable information that can be used someday.

Final Thoughts ✨

What I gathered from taking this test is that these notable traits that were individually assessed on me are examples of what it takes to have an innovative mindset. It made me recognize aspects of myself that I did not really consider and it inspired me to be the best version of myself. Though it was short and not 100% accurate, the test still did a good job in asking the most important question for each trait and assessing me.

My innovation mindset is not yet fixed, which is reasonable not only because I still have time and more opportunities to grow, but also because it’s perfectly valid to pursue a path that aligns to my own values and what I want in life. The world is a diverse place and everyone always has something to contribute in their own way—what’s important is that you live the life the way you want to and to find your own version of success.

[run-sam-run]

Discussing Goals

So earlier I discussed the purpose of this blog, and I talked briefly about the goals I've set out to improve my life in the calendar year of 2023. I wanted to take a deeper dive looking at my goals for the year, mostly as they pertain to my physical and mental health. I've broken my goals out into six overarching goals for the year, and have created smaller goals for the short and mid-term to help me keep in line with my yearly goals.

So let's discuss my goals!

I am going to lose 30 lbs. I once talked to a person who had lost a large sum of weight and when I was talking to them about their goals and commending them for their weight loss, I had asked 'what would you like your weight to be?', they responded with a definite 'I am going to lose XXlbs' rather than the conventional 'I'm trying'. I felt in that moment that a more stern, rigid and determined approach to weight loss would leave me less room for failure, and would set me off on the right foot of creating a determined mindset to lose weight. My goal is to lose 30lbs by the end of the year, hopefully more, but as a start 30lbs. My starting weight was 230 on 1/1/2024, so my goal weight for the year is a minimum of 200lbs by 12/31/2024. My overall health and fitness goals are to reach 180-190lbs ultimately, but I felt that 30lbs in a calendar year was respectable, but doable, while still leaving me room to lose more.

Run a 22 Minute 5k. I started losing weight by running a 5k program, and since then I've always kept the mindset that I'd like to be able to consistently run a 5k at a moment's notice with little to no conditioning to get back in shape. Now, a 5k is the minimum distance I run and in the past few years I've whittled down my 5k time from 27L30 to 25:30, and I've even challenged myself to run a 10k in less than one hour. I've found that I lose weight more easily when I have a fitness related goal, so rather than focusing on more distance, I've decided to focus on faster times. After a quick Google search I found that in the running community, for my height and age, a 22m 5k is considered an intermediate runner. If I run this pace, I'm no longer a beginner, or a long-time distance runner who does the bare minimum, but someone who has dedicated enough time and effort to break into a higher echelon of runners.

Drink Less! I spent 2023 tracking my drinking habits, and what I had found at the end of the year was I drank far more than I was happy with. The COVID pandemic had made virtual happy hours and drinking while gaming much more comfortable for me and my friends, and although the world had opened back up, by 2023 I was still drinking with a high frequency and with some high quantities as well. My goal in 2023 was to monitor and make changes, but 2024 is to reduce it drastically. I had found that my drinking over the course of 2023 resulted in a few extra thousands of dollars going to bars and distributors, and roughly 141,000 calories added to my diet over the course of the year. Going from a systematic color coding calendar to actually calculating averages and seeing the figures was eye opening, and I'm making a much more concerted effort to reduce how much I drink in a sitting and just as importantly how often I drink. This is less of a hard, quantifiable goal, but nonetheless easy to observe.

Be More Mindful, and Be More Outdoorsy! I am a very outdoorsy person. I love to fish, hunt, camp, hike and just spend as much time as I can outside. I also struggle with anxiety and depression, and find that the more I bury myself in mindless activities like scrolling, videogames, TV, movies, and screens, the less focused, cognizant and aware I am. I paired these two goals together because I felt they went hand in hand, most of my attempts to be more mindful involve putting down the phone and going outside for fresh air, so it felt fitting to put them together. Ways I've decided to quantify these goals include scouting for public lands to hunt, getting out and hiking, camping, fishing and scouting more frequently this year, and reducing screentime using apps like ScreenZen to limit how much I can use my favorite scrolling apps like Reddit and Instagram. While this might not be directly related to my physical fitness, the indirect improvements to physical fitness that usually come with the outdoors, as well as the mental health boosts I would get are likely to pay dividends on my exercise routine and weight loss journey. I feel that it's important to find any and all lifestyle changes that just make your weight loss journey easier, and this is definitely one for me.

I'll document my last two goals below, but full disclosure they're just goals for me personally that don't involve physical fitness in any regard. The more I keep up with this personal improvement blog, the more I feel I'll touch on productivity goals and financial goals, so I'll include them here and discuss them as time goes on--albeit less frequently than the above goals.

5. Learn SQL/Python. I've always wanted to learn a coding language, and in my current role both SQL and Python would be immensely helpful for me to learn. I will likely prioritize SQL right now, as I have some monetary incentives from my workplace to pursue certification in SQL and SSRS, but ultimately any programming proficiency is a win for me. I've started researching certification courses online, as well as free online coding practice like CodeAcademy.

6. Save more, spend less! Lastly is a financial goal. Mostly I'd like to spend 2024 reeling in my spending, getting a budget set that is realistic and allows me to save up a lot of money over the next year. My goal is to get an emergency fund established and move onto saving for my wedding and a future house!

[yshiafromthevault]

“Hindi ka nakapasok”

Have you ever dedicated yourself wholeheartedly to something, only to find yourself unable to achieve it? My most tragic experience was not something you would expect because it is not some sort of accident or natural disaster, but that event devastated me and affected my whole well-being. Back then, I only had two choices— never join this competition again or accept the result and do better next year.

The most cliche thing that most people would say if they lose is “babawi na lang ako next time,” but for me, “babawi next time” is not a choice. I always made myself believe that every competition that I would join, I should conquer it and win, because my motto back then was “it is now or never.” This mindset led me to expect and pressure myself. When I am at school, I would train hard to the point that I would tend to forget about my academics, and when the classes end, I would go to a tutoring center to train some more that I would go home at 10 pm.

I always loved doing this because I was so sure of winning. But then, the sudden turn of events came— it was a rainy day at school when my coaches announced that the winners who will advance to the Division Schools Press Conference (DSPC) - finals are now posted. I was excited and a bit nervous about the result because I was confident that I would see my name with my Alma Mater, TAU-LS, in the winner’s list. I got a call from my mother. I thought she called to congratulate me, but little did I know, the next words that I would hear from her would turn my life upside down. 

“Hindi ka nakapasok,” I was so shocked that I couldn’t even utter a word. After it sinks in, I cried a river. My classmates started to comfort me which caused me to cry harder because I felt like my efforts were validated. As far as I remember, I cried for a whole week because I felt like a failure. I kept questioning myself on what I did wrong and how come a national (NSPC) winner who bagged a gold medal did not make it to the DSPC-finals.

This event made me want to quit campus journalism. I envy those who made it to the DSPC-finals. My coach back in elementary heard about what happened. He said in a text message, “Parte ‘yan ng laban sa buhay. Hindi lahat ng panahon, panalo ka. Minsan, kailangan nating matalo para mas manamnam natin ang tamis ng tagumpay.” His words are like medicine to me and a realization hit me, campus journalism goes beyond medals and certificates— with or without press conference season, or not being able to advance to the next round, my love for campus journalism should not end because it isn’t just a competition, it is a platform to be one of the voice of change. 

[juniper-journey]

05*24*2023

In Praise of Failure

Too often we tie our self-worth to failure. I know I’ve found myself in this position many times, feeling low about myself just because I had failed at something or made a mistake. During our dharma talk on sunday, my practice leader said something that really struck me-- we have to free ourselves from the tyranny of expectations! Rather than setting expectations, we should have aspirations. We shouldn’t hold tight to the expectations we set for ourselves; instead we should leave room for error. The Buddha didn’t get things right on the first try. To be like the Buddha, we must make mistake after mistake after mistake. 

My practice leader had a challenge for us this week. Whenever we fail this week, we put our hands together in Gassho, and bow and acknowledge that failure. The past few months I’ve been working on accomplishing my first ever pull-up. I’ve been strengthening my arms, back, and core, and I work on progressions throughout the week. Recently, though, I’ve found myself getting very upset and frustrated at how difficult it has been for me to achieve this skill. While I understand it will take time and effort, I often feel discouraged when I see other people in the gym doing them so easily. So, yesterday when I was working on my negatives and getting frustrated, I bowed and acknowledged those failures. The important thing is that I continually go back, and keep trying again and again. It’s important for me to fail to get stronger, it’s important for me to acknowledge failure. 

I think this is also a sign that I need to change my mindset. I can’t expect myself to wake up one day and be able to do a pull-up, it’s something I have to continually work for. Rather than expecting myself to do it, I need to remind myself that I am aspiring to do a pull-up. It’s okay to hit bumps along the way. 

I hope to continue acknowledging failure as an essential part of my journey, and I want to view my mistakes and failures as friends, leading the way to wholeness and authenticity. 

[bluesky88diary]

Making conclusions. When I'm trying to do my best in short term I fail it making mistakes, but when I walk confidently without hurry it takes long time to accomplish set goals. Each time I try to speed up things end up even in longer terms, because then I have to deal with mistakes and discouragement after failures. What conclusion I can make by this? Am I not good to follow up somebody else's plans? I'm very slow phase person if to talk about changes. Over three years I was trying to catch past and compress time of being inconsequent but nothing changed at all, I remained at the same starting point. Then for another three years without hurry I could achieve certain goals traveling on bicycle and even end up here in U.S. Therefore I make a question what will be wise decision to move on and finally reach you. I can put all responsibility over my beloved waiting for another chance to chase after you, but it never worked. Or I can confidently move forward, using opportunities I have step by step. Will you trust me and wait me, that I won't give up on you? For instance, I could ask you to take vacation this summer on Hawaii and meet there, make decisions together and move at the same direction as we decide supporting each other. But I notice women have too many concerns and doubts to ask them step out of personal comfort zone. Thus I'm only person who can take responsibly for arranging life changing moves. Perhaps our mindsets designed this way, woman is better to arrange domestic business, because she can notice way to many details around, and man is better in strategic moves in long term decisions because he can assume and predict consequences and impacts done by each action. If man follows woman it ends up in mess. Woman is great counselor, can give wise advice and reliable support, inspiration and motivation, when man more likely will assume it and use knowledge to make things work rationally and consequent. I think we are designed in beautiful way to work as a team, because without you and love nothing would be done at all. Without woman man is like a car without engine or fuel. And woman without man is like a lottery with endless guesses and desires. We shape each other. Since you won't quit everything for me, changing all your life merely to be together right now, because for woman it's like for a homesick cat all of a sudden dropped among hostile environment, very frustrating and terrific. So let me walk confidently to reach your place first and then nothing could separate us to make a step toward our family. Even if I could drop everything and come at your place right now totally depending on your support, sooner or later it will become a mess. Man should stay on his own feet confidently and firm, then it makes solid ground for comfort of beloved nearby. Can you agree? For this year let's support each other further on, let me work hard and stand-up firm on my feet, supporting myself for living and opening opportunities to move in Korea. I wish the most to use opportunities you already have, but things look like it helps not even a little bit if I cannot reach it making mistakes. At another hand it requires some bold actions from you to be put on risk. If you find courage to come on vacation in U.S. I can only dream about this. I wish we walk together, grow together and achieve goals together, but reality is we are at different levels, and I cannot jump over my head to reach your level and you more likely won't come down to my level to walk upward together again. But if you can be this much brave and can come to live in U.S. for a while for we together move back in Korea, this could be awesome. But it's very rare women be able to do such a step for her man. It could be even easier if we can reach each other in conversation. Here is my life just in case: https://line.me/ti/p/CulxNz1Cnc (id:leon88bluesky +18787771988) Making efforts together we could achieve our goals much faster and build up happy family. I pray God give us wisdom and courage in each step. Always love you, dear Seung-Yeon.

[spacepiratedog]

I’ve been thinking about doing some old-fashioned blogging as a form of self-expression and therapeutic journaling. I do have my own personal journal that I write in from time to time, but there is something soothing about sharing your thoughts, even if it’s just tossing those thoughts into the void of the internet. Someone, somewhere, may read those thoughts and get something out of it, be it some comfort or maybe even a laugh.

No matter the format, I find the act of journaling to be a great way to reset and ground myself, especially during emotionally difficult times.

For me, it helps me to unravel the chaotic thoughts in my head and untangle the difficult “knots” that my emotions can get tied into. It forces me to sit down and work through what I am feeling, to put actual words to those intense emotions, and helps me be more introspective. It’s almost like having a private conversation with myself. Instead of having those thoughts clogging up my mindspace, it’s like I am physically taking them out and putting them down on the paper for safekeeping.

Personally I prefer to write my thoughts by hand, as there is something a little more intimate about putting pen to paper for me, but typing allows for being able to journal almost anywhere you are without having to have anything more than your phone. Everyone has their own personal preferences, and as long as journaling in whatever form is bringing you some inner peace and clarity, that’s all that matters.

I don’t journal as much as I used to, and certainly not as much as I should. I used to journal every day, but I did not get to that point overnight. Like every good habit, it takes time, effort, and dedication to implement it into your daily life, and it also seems much easier to fall out of the habit than it is to get into it in the first place. It’s still worth doing though, and it helps you practice having some grace and patience when it comes to yourself and your self-growth journey. Missing a day (or 5) does not make you a failure; it just means you need more practice.

You also learn a little about yourself as you try to incorporate it into your life. For me, I finally realized that if I really wanted to get into the habit of daily journaling, I had to get a plain old composition book instead of a cute journal with a unique cover or pretty patterns on the pages. As much as I like those kinds of journals, it puts added pressure on me to keep the journal neat and perfect, and I am less likely to write in it with that mindset. I can still get a composition book with a pretty colored cover, but at least I am not afraid of “messing it up”. It also helps me to be consistent with my writing format in my journals - date in the upper right of the entry, starting a new paragraph for an idea change, same-spaced indentations for each paragraph, using the same exact pen to write, etc…I’m sure that all sounds a little much, but having that consistency helps me feel calmer, more in control, which in turn helps me get my thoughts of out my head.

While everyone finds their own ways of dealing with the stress of existing on this mortal coil, for someone who has not yet figured out their coping technique, I would highly recommend starting with journaling. It is a relatively simple thing that most anyone can do, and it doesn’t require anything more than a writing implement and a space to put your words down (be it a pen and paper, a computer and keyboard, or a touchscreen and your fingers). If it doesn’t work for you that’s alright too, because you now have a better idea of what doesn’t work for you and can keep working to find what does work.

One last positive I will say about journaling is that you can go back to previous entries and see how far you have come. It can be very difficult when you are going through hard times, but looking back on those hard times once you are in a better place can fill you with so much pride in yourself and all the work you have done to get where you are now, and that is an invaluable feeling to have.

[hampirtengahmalam]

2022 – The Year of Resilience

I genuinely thought that I am done with 2022 due to the huge heartbreak that I felt.

Since 2019 I never make a goal to start a new year, just continuously reflecting on what I have done and I have achieved.

From December 2021 until May 2022, I was occupied preparing my university and scholarship application to some universities. I got no time for unnecessary things like hanging out with friends, getting along with my co-workers, or even thinking about love.

I knew that 2022 was supposed to teach me about how failure and blessing could co-exist. But in the mid of 2022-in June to be exact, you came into my life. You reoriented the rest of the year making it more colourful and it felt like you painted my whole skies. When I failed, you tried your best to cheer me up. Nothing sexier than effort and knowing that there is someone who wants you so much.

Some people said that stay single until you feel that love is easy, as simple as breathing. Despite the differences among us, I am grateful to have him right now.

So, writing this reflection reminds myself that this year is full of ups and downs, tears and laughs, loneliness, resilience, anxiety, and joy.

First: Failure

Half of my 2022 was full of hustling in preparing for university and scholarship applications. My desire to pursue a high level of education is still the same every year. All I want is to get my master's degree, a new experience to broaden my horizon, and get a better job for a better life. I applied to Oxford, MIT, Freiburg University, 4 universities in Sweden, Hong Kong University, and Sussex University. From all those applications to universities, I got accepted to HKU and Sussex Uni, but not the scholarship.

During preparing these applications, I realised that I am more aware of what I want and what I need. I learned that it’s ok if your dreams change and it’s not the same dream as 5 years ago. I realised that I evolved and my dreams as well. Preparing the applications takes time and requires deep focus. I can say that my half-life in 2022 is juggling with personal statements, reference letters, tons of essays, documents, and not being able to move from my desk (ups! My bad).

When I got an email from ADB-HKU (which was my last hope back then) telling me that I didn’t get the scholarship, I was shocked and all I could do was sit in silence and cried until I slept. But the universe has its own way to remind me about failure. One of the TEDTalk videos I watched before I slept was about how a high-level mindset can help you to achieve your dream. It was such an enlightening talk for me because the talks remind me to keep my head up and not every chapter in life is going to be perfect. So, it’s ok if you fail, you will learn and grow.

Second: Growth

I always believe that rejection means redirection. When I failed, I didn’t tell myself to be strong or “yeah let's do it again”. No. It is not how I treat myself to face failure. I learned that in order to make yourself stronger you have to give room for yourself to be vulnerable. Accept the situation and feel the emotion. So, when I cried, I let myself feel all of the emotions like anger, sadness, confusion, etc.

My failure has taught me that I shouldn’t hold on to something too tightly. It’s like when you hold sand in your hand too tight, it will come out from your fingers and it won’t stay. I also try to believe in what God has prepared for me because God is the best planner and executor. My failure gives me room to grow and evolve. It teaches me that life is about to catch and release.

Third: Joy

The rest of 2022 was an epic journey for me. I never expected could meet someone like you. Well, of course, we met in 2020 but I mean we really ‘meet’ at an unexpected time which…both of us know the story. HEHE. It took almost 3 months for me to really form a feeling for you and during that time you always prove to me your consistency which is ‘sexy’ for me. I have to say that neither of us expected to walk down a road that leads us here. (Read: kamu genit banget dari dulu sampe aku gamau deket tapi sekarang malah seneng kalau spending time sama kamu)

We met at the point where I was done with wanting to be with someone. I was done about meeting and knowing people to start a relationship. Then, there is you. All of the efforts you make, the sweetness, the weirdness, the awkwardness, and the silliness, all of these make me rethink about love. Despite our differences, you treat me well and make me one of your priorities. Even though I hate when you ‘ngomong gak jelas’ but you still steal my heart. Asik :D We went from one art exhibition to another, make a list of ‘Saturdate’ activities, re-watch Harry Potter, went to Ubud and Besakih and almost ‘died’, and many activities.

It’s weird how I started 2022 with hustling, and overthinking and ended with me smiling and laughing almost every day.

Since nothing is permanent in this world, including this state of happiness…so I guess let’s embrace our moments. The only thing we can do is cheerish it while it lasts.

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Jkt / January 1st, 2023 / 11.28pm

[veruxxx]

when it comes to not knowing things, i feel like theres a vast difference between “i am trying to make some point on something i know jack shit about / i am extremely ignorant about the key issues in the world” and “i don’t care to learn how to tie a tie or whatever”

it’s seen as this moral failure to not know things i think. like it’s something to be ashamed of to still be learning, as if still having things to learn isnt universal. smth smth lucky 10,000

like it’s one thing to be trying to push your thoughts on a topic and speak over people who know better despite not knowing, or to choose to not give enough of a shit to learn about experiences other than your own or key issues going on around you, and defend yourself with “uM aCtUaLLy i cAnT leArN bC i doNt wAnNa”

but it’s another thing to prefer to spend your energy on other things you know? sometimes it isn’t consequential. why does it bother people so much when someone doesnt know “basic” things that “everyone knows”? who is getting hurt by someone not knowing how to change a lightbulb or something

n if its this common mindset that “not knowing = bad and evil and cringe” then people will be too ashamed to admit they don’t know things and do stupid shit to cover their ass yknow

i grew up very sheltered, and it is very much my responsibility to learn about others’ experiences and educate myself on large scale important things that i wasnt able to learn when i “should” have - and i am doing that, actively and intentionally, but it’s not such a great evil that i skip over the less important ones for now yknow

people used to shame me for saying “id rather not debate this topic with you because i don’t know enough about it to have an opinion and make a point”??? acting like it was some moral failure of mine to not already know everything and to be giving myself time to learn before trying to participate in discussion, implying i was making excuses for secret bigotry or some shit, and ive seen that kind of mindset circling around since then

idk i think sometimes its ignorance and they need to learn (and not be pushed to learn everything in one day + make some opinion right away, but still to learn at all and intentionally make an effort) and other times it just doesnt fuckin matter